Chapter Text
Asuka felt sick.
She chalked this not up to seasickness, as she had been on ships many times before, but her sleep. Her sleep had been restless, full of dreams—or maybe nightmares—she could not recall but must have freaked her out nonetheless. As she sat up, she cursed her body, balking at what her superior mind knew was nothing but fantasy.
If they meant anything, she would have remembered them. So ergo, they weren't important.
She couldn't help but feel vaguely sad, like something terrible had happened but she couldn't recall what exactly it was. She shook the feeling off, standing to her feet in one aggressive motion.
This wasn't a day to feel scared or sad! Today was the day she would arrive in Tokyo-3 and show everyone just what an ace Eva pilot was like! With a bounce in her step, she waltzed over to her luggage, picking out the yellow sundress she had picked for today. It had been a calculated choice, to appear beautiful without any effort at all. There would be no bad impressions; not to Misato, not to the Third Child and definitely not to Kaji!
A soft knock interrupted her thoughts and she frowned. Slipping the sundress on over her head, she got dressed in a hurry, slipping on slip-on shoes and affixing her A10 clips into her hair. She headed over, smoothing out errant wrinkles as she did. It was far too early for Misato and the Third to have gotten here. No one bothered her. Maybe Kaji? She hoped it was Kaji!
Instead of Kaji, there was a silver-haired boy on the other side, his eyes a striking red. He smiled serenely, as if he didn't have a care in the world. He raised a hand in greeting, "Hello there. Asuka, I assume?"
Asuka narrowed her eyes at this interloper, "And who in the hell are you?" she growled.
"I'm Nagisa, Kaworu Nagisa. The, ah, Fourth Child. Yes, Fourth," he nodded slowly, "Have we not met before?"
She frowned deeper. Another pilot? And for what Eva? As far as she knew, hers was the newest. There was a couple still in development but those were months off from being finished. Maybe that's why Kaworu was here. Get ahead of his training so he'd be ready then. She blew air through her teeth, annoyed, "No. Someone must have forgotten."
He nodded in agreement, "It does seem like there's been a mistake. No matter. They've sent me along so I may "learn the ropes", so to speak. Before I get my own Evangelion. Officially, I am your backup."
Asuka recoiled. Some stranger? In her beloved 02? No chance! She huffed, "I see there is little faith in my ability from our betters. I'll show them!"
"Of course," he agreed, as frustratingly serene as he had been this whole time, "I do not seek to take what is yours."
His words did little to assuage her worries so she turned and stomped down the hallway. Kaworu watched her go. What an interesting turn of events.
He oriented himself. He remembered a lingering dream-like vision of sitting up from his coffin, looking up at the Earth above before he slipped back under, into transitory sleep. Then he had woken back up in the next loop proper, here on the Over the Rainbow with an instinctual knowledge of the life this version of him had lived. While his memories of every loop he had experienced were unreliable, he didn't remember ever being here with the Second Child.
This version of himself had officially been sent along to get an early bearing on how to work an Evangelion. But his secondary purpose seemed to be more sinister.
His superiors had even less trust in Gendo Ikari this time around and saw an opening to slip him into NERV, alongside the Second Child. There, he was expected to do nothing but watch then report back anything that may interfere with the Almighty Scenario. Somewhere along the lines he might get an Eva of his own but it was not the priority.
He had no intentions of doing any tattling but any scenario that got him closer to Shinji sooner was welcome.
Whatever the case, this loop seemed like it was still on track with the Prime Loop's events. Which meant today he would see Shinji.
And today, an Angel, his sibling Gaghiel, would reveal herself.
But experience taught him there was always the chance for something to change. He had to be ready for whatever that may be.
With that in mind, he followed Asuka down the hall.
He found her in the cafeteria, perusing the selection of breakfast items. Being a United Nations vessel, it was stocked with a large variety of food so that all of its crew might find something familiar. Asuka had just finished stacking her plate up with a few pastries, a boiled egg and a small stack of sliced cheese and proscuitto. Kaworu, knowing what was to come, opted for something lighter but just as varied; a small bowl of steamed rice, an equally small portion of grilled salmon and a cherry pastry along with a glass of orange juice.
He had planned to sit on his own, as to not appear too forward to Asuka when a voice called out, "Hey!"
He turned to find Inspector Ryoji Kaji, who was sitting with Asuka, waving him over, "Come and sit over here, Nagisa!"
Happy to have a reason to interact with his fellow pilot, Kaworu complied. Asuka grimaced and complied, "Aw, Kaji, why'd you have to go n' invite him for!"
Kaji grinned a lopsided grin and teased, "Y'know, you'll have to talk to your teammate sometime. No time like the present."
He himself was sipping on a mug of coffee and had a bowl of picked-at rice, salmon and vegetables. Asuka had her own coffee mug but it seemed neglected in favor of a tall glass of orange juice.
Asuka grumbled, "Like I need to do that."
Kaworu sat beside Kaji and nodded, "Thank you, Inspector Kaji."
"Kid, just call me Kaji," he waved him off, scooping a spoonful of rice into his mouth.
Kaworu dug into his breakfast, noticing that Asuka was sizing him up—like she was trying to figure him out. He suspected the pair would get back to their conversation but Kaji turned it to him, "Kaworu Nagisa, is it?"
Kaworu swallowed his bite of rice and nodded, "Just call me Kaworu," he echoed him with a small smile.
"I didn't expect them to be sending along another pilot with Asuka, especially as backup," Kaji commented.
"Backup," Asuka huffed, "It's like they're trying to replace me before I even have my chance!"
"I doubt that," Kaji assured, "I imagine they just want to have someone ready for the next Eva units. Would be better to have someone that already knows what he's doing than having to train a whole new pilot from scratch. They'll probably train him off your Eva's data but that's it."
Asuka took a particularly aggressive bite off her pastry, chewing thoughtfully. As much as she loathed someone else being inside it at all, if that was where the invasiveness ended, she supposed she could play along. She nodded slowly, "03 and 04 will be built using the same framework so of course they'll need to use 02."
They ate quietly for a few moments more before Kaji continued to prod, "Where'd they have you before this? You boarded the ship in Germany but I know you weren't stationed at NERV Germany."
Kaworu could tell exactly what he was doing. To Kaji, he was a new and unknown variable. So he was carefully probing for information, seeing what he may find out. If it would not lead to his demise, Kaworu would be more forthcoming but instead, he casually said, "There's a small facility in England."
"England," Kaji echoed, "I think I heard there was a small facility there for small-scale training. You must be the pilot I heard they had over there. Ah but they got transferred over to America..."
Just as this conversation was proving enlightening to Kaji, it was also to Kaworu. While the facilities this body had been trained at were in Europe, one even being in England, they were all secret. Whatever one Kaji had heard of was a public NERV installation in England. Very curious.
He declined to answer and once again they fell into silence, though this time it had an awkward edge to it. Unwilling to let that feeling linger, Kaji asked, "So, you got any hobbies? Things you like to do?"
There was a question he could answer frankly. He smiled, "I quite like to read, all sorts of things. And I love music. Back home, I had a piano."
"Music, huh? Well, Asuka can play violin," Kaji jabbed his thumb at her.
"Used to," Asuka cut in, "You didn't need to tell him that."
"Sharing hobbies is great for team-building," Kaji grinned.
"Doesn't matter. Even if we find me a violin, where would we find a whole piano for Kaworu, hmmm?"
"I'm sure there must be one somewhere in all of Tokyo-3," Kaji mused, "Might even be in one somewhere in the Geofront. How about it, Kaworu?"
"I would quite like to play piano again," he nodded, "I haven't gotten the chance to play with someone else in quite some time."
Asuka frowned, "And I'm the one you want to play with, huh?"
Not quite who he had been thinking about but, "I'd be up for it," he shrugged.
Asuka shook her head furiously, "Not me! You'd just use it as some excuse to creep on me!"
"Now why would I do that?" he asked sincerely.
Struck by his sincerity, Asuka stopped, frowned then finally, deflected, "Because all men are the same."
"If you think so," Kaworu shrugged, turning his attention back to his meal.
Yet again, the table lapsed into silence. Asuka couldn't stop looking at Kaworu. All boys her age were intimidated by her or all too willing to make fools of themselves for her attention. All men older than her either didn't give her the time of day or leered at her in predator-like fashion. Kaworu defied all these categories; he was perfectly happy to talk with her but seemed to have no ulterior motive. She...didn't know how to feel.
"The Third Child and Operations Director Katsuragi are arriving today," Kaji's statement broke her concentration.
Scrambling to regain form, she answered curtly, "I know."
"You're not in the slightest curious of the Third Child?"
Asuka frowned. She had heard her fair share about Shinji Ikari. After a sloppy first run against the Third Angel, he had killed the Fourth in fantastic fashion then helped kill the Fifth in an operation that asked for all the power of Japan. By all merits, he seemed like some genius; doing the impossible with no training at all.
So she hated him. He was doing what she should be doing with none of the work she had put in!
Ever the prideful, she scoffed, "Of course. I might as well see who I'm taking out of first place!"
After breakfast, Kaworu wasn't quite sure what to do to fill the space before Shinji—or Gaghiel's—arrival. Luckily, Asuka made that choice for him, leading him off the Over the Rainbow and over to one of its accompanying ships: the one carrying Evangelion 02.
Within it was the dormant Evangelion, drifting with the waves inside a pool of purple liquid. A tarp had covered it but Asuka had dragged a portion off, revealing its face. She had been silent up until this point but Kaworu could tell it was because she was saving her breath for a whole spiel. She gestured widely, "This! Is Evangelion Unit 02. The true production model. Where 00 is the prototype and Third's 01 is the testing model, this is the true Evangelion!" she paused, "So whatcha think?"
Kaworu gave the Eva another look. 02 typically looked the same every time around, only with small deviations here. One such deviation was present here, as 02 sported a pair of horns on the middle of its head. He smiled, "Er, she's red?"
Asuka rolled her eyes, "Of course, because I asked them to paint it red."
"I didn't know you were allowed to do that."
"Well, maybe I just have special privilege!" she turned to face him, "But that's really all you think?"
"No, no. She's fantastic. I imagine even better when I can see more than her head."
Asuka grinned, "That'll be sooner than later, just you wait!"
As if the universe itself heard her, there was a distant explosion that shook the ship so suddenly both were nearly thrown off their feet. Kaworu tensed. So she decided to show herself early. A buzzing inside his head confirmed it.
He asked slowly, "You don't suppose that was an Angel?"
A weird expression flickered over her face, so fast anyone else would have missed it. Fear and anticipation masked quickly by determination. "Let's get up on deck and check," she hurried up, barely waiting for him.
They got onto deck just as another explosion rocked the fleet. Asuka stopped, gripping the railing, and leaned over it. From the distance, came a rumble then another ship was destroyed by a jet of water. As it dissipated, there was nothing but debris and wreckage. Kaworu murmured, "It is an Angel…"
"A real one…" Asuka's wary expression turned to one of fierce excitement, "This is my chance!"
She turned on her heel sharply and took Kaworu's hand, dragging him back under to where 02 was, "Come on, Nagisa!"
"Wh-me?" he asked, for the first time in a while, genuinely surprised.
She dragged then back to the Eva without answering him. She left him there, disappearing into a side room. She was gone for a few minutes but returned, wearing her bright red plugsuit. She tossed a spare at him which he barely caught then jabbed a finger at the room, "Suit up, Prettyboy. We're gonna do this trial by fire together."
"Together?" he reeled.
"Together," she affirmed, "This way, you get to see what things are actually like and I get a witness to my victory! So go ahead. Get suited up."
Seeing no way or reason to weasel out of this, Kaworu obeyed. He had never synced with someone in the same Evangelion.
His stomach did a nauseating flip and he had to correct himself. No, he had never synced with someone in the same Evangelion that wasn't built for a second pilot. He was trekking into unknown territory but, unfortunately, it was something he had long grown used to.
With him gone, Asuka rotated her wrists, testing how the material sat on her skin. Of course, she had worn plugsuits many times before but it was still mind-boggling how skin-tight they were and the flexibility they allowed. Focusing on how it felt helped ground her in the moment and scare off incoming anxieties, she put on a determined expression and whispered to herself, "Alright, Asuka. Let's go."
Kaworu's footsteps told her he was done. She turned to find him, vaguely uncomfortable. The plugsuits were made to fit to any body type but as it was intended to be hers, there was still a slight looseness in the chest area. She snorted, "Lookin' good in red, Prettyboy. Goes with your eyes."
He blinked, surprised, "Oh! Thank you!"
She turned away, rolling her eyes, "That was supposed to be an insult, Fourth."
Luckily, launching 02 on their own was surprisingly easy. Up on the Evangelion itself was a button to manually release and open the Entry Plug, though the pair had to haul themselves up onto it. Considering the Plug was already in, it seemed someone had anticipated this. Kaworu suspected the Dead Sea Scrolls, no matter the loop, foretold an attack from the water, whether it be by Gaghiel or another Angel. The pair dropped into the Entry Plug and Asuka settled herself in the seat, pressing a button that closed the Entry Plug and retracted it back into the Eva.
With a deep breath, Asuka spoke something in German and the Eva responded, flooding the chamber with LCL. By instinct, Kaworu inhaled, as did Asuka. While he was long-used to the sensation, Asuka evidently wasn't, grimaced and gagging as she inhaled. Ever-polite, Kaworu did not call attention to it.
Once recovered, she gave another order in German. A few moments passed before the display flashed red and gave a warning siren at them. Asuka groaned, "Thought noise. What are you thinking in?!"
"Japanese."
"Well, quit it and think in German!"
"I could, I am fluent in it and a dozen other languages but—"
"Never mind," she quickly lost patience and gave the system a new order, this time in Japanese, "System, switch target language from German to Japanese."
A small chime told them it did as it was told. With a smile, she said, "Alright. Evangelion Unit 02, activate!"
The machine groaned to life, the body around them sounding like some great beast, roused to life. For just a moment, the display flashed on, showing them the hangar around them. Then it spasmed and glitched, turning bloody red. It howled and as it did, Asuka screamed in turn.
It was as if the LCL was pressing around her, growing hundreds of clawed hands to tear at her. There was a great light everywhere she looked and it wormed its way into her eyes—no, past them and into her brain, her very mind! It used its awful clawed hands to rip at her memories, tearing old ones to the forefront. Mama came back one day different and then she was replaced by a doll. And then the foregone conclusion—her mother left her, swinging from a noose with a smaller one beside.
"No, don't make me remember!"
It didn't care, it kept going, impossibly far into her mind, the spaces in which no one could reach, not even herself. Shinji rejected her kiss—no, he rejected her. She tried, so so hard she tried, but the Angels kept beating her down. The shadow, the one with folded arms...she had spent her birthday alone because stupid Shinji couldn't be bothered to leave his Eva.
"When did this…? Why do I remember this?"
It went faster, images bleeding together. The bird Angel, the doll saved her, Kaji died, blissful catatonia. But then she awoke and fought again, only to be punished again by a whole flock of vultures this time! Everyone was one and then...she was on the beach.
"No!"
There was no deeper for the presence could go so it tore its way sideways, finding new memories where none should be.
She was in a tube of LCL and when she looked all around, she found other tubes with other Asukas.
She was careening through the sky in 02, not frightened of hitting the ground at all.
She was fighting in her Evangelion something that her mind could not process, something beyond human understanding.
Then a voice cut through the noise, like a lance from a real angel, one from Heaven, "Asuka, wake up!"
Someone was touching her face, their hands laying on her cheeks, "Asuka, I don't know what you're seeing but it's not real!"
Red eyes appeared in her vision—the doll! She reached out, entertaining fantasies of wringing her neck, feeling her grow limp in her hands.
Whoever it was grabbed her hands, holding them tightly but not enough to hurt. The rest of the image faded in and she found it was not the doll but a boy. His eyes were as scarlet as the doll's and skin just as pale but his hair was silvery instead of blue. He had actual emotion on his face, urgency and a hint of fear.
"The Angel!" he cried, jabbing a finger out the view screen.
All she could see was the inside of the room but there was another rumble, signaling the Angel was still attacking. She looked back, her brain still stumbling to figure out what was happening.
The memories she had and the ones she shouldn't have snapped together and she gasped, "You were my replacement!"
Kaworu frowned but kept his tone steady, "That was then. This is now. We defeat this Angel or we'll both be replaced!"
Asuka grit her teeth. She hated to admit it but he was right. There was no way anyone else would make it in time. She had to set those feelings aside and focus on the mission at hand. She took a deep breath, "Fine. But you will explain later."
"Of course. I promise," Kaworu nodded.
Far above the steadily depleting fleet was Misato Katsuragi's helicopter, with her charge, Shinji Ikari, and two of his friends in tow. She was looking down at the boats through a pair of binoculars, "Why hasn't she launched?"
"Is she even allowed to?" one of Shinji's friends, Kensuke, asked.
"Doesn't matter," Misato brushed him off, "The Angel needs destroyed, everyone can agree on that. And if not, we'll get permission after the fact."
Shinji himself kept silent, looking down at the sea with a sense of growing anxiety. A jet screamed by, making him jump. Someone else getting away from the danger. Yet, he couldn't help but want to get closer. To do something other than watch.
One of the ships trailing the Over the Rainbow rocked dangerously and Misato feared the worst. But a gigantic, cloaked figure leapt from the depths, landing nimbly on the deck. It threw off its cloak, revealing itself as Unit 02!
She bent over, taking the cable and plugging it in. Ready for combat, she leapt off the deck, landing on the next ship over just as the Angel rose to meet her. It was gigantic, white and whale-like, though its double jaw betrayed its alien origins. It flopped onto the deck ungracefully, snapping its jaws at her. Asuka was undeterred, lunging forward, using one hand to hold its jaw open and the other to reach inside. The trap sprang, the Angel snapped its jaws shut and threw itself into the water, dragging the Evangelion down with it.
"Asuka!" Misato howled, half-leaning out of the helicopter and into the open air.
"Oh god," Shinji breathed, "What do we do?"
His guardian stared at the empty, still water for long moments before she regained her composure. "We hope she gets out of it somehow. Or we have to turn around and get back home to prepare for sortie. But we won't know which it is until we can confirm the status of the Angel!"
They watched in a period of agonizing silence which stretched on and on, as no one dared suggest the worst. A numb shock settled over them. Shinji realized with a quiet horror he had never gotten to meet Asuka along with the other pilot she was with.. Toji voiced his thoughts unknowingly, "We never got to meet 'em…"
A massive explosion rocked the waters, a new fountain of water shooting up, and then, all went still. A red stain spread across the water and the children looked to the adult for answers. Answers she could not give, not quite yet. There was still a chance Asuka was alright. She swallowed thickly and said, "We might need to prepare a retrieval. If she did it."
The water beside one of the ships broke and out came 02's hand! She grabbed the edge of the deck, making the ship tilt dangerously. Carefully but awkwardly, she hauled herself up onto the deck, flopping onto her side like a dead fish. She still found the energy to raise her arm, flashing them a thumbs up.
Misato relaxed, "She did it," then turned to the pilot, "Bring us in."
Kensuke held up his camera, "And I got it on camera!"
"NERV might want to confiscate it," Shinji frowned.
"Aw man. I wanted to show my brother," Kensuke slumped over and Misato frowned.
She turned away, "Or perhaps, maybe, I did not hear anything of the sort."
Kensuke beamed. Toji grinned, "Wow, what a cool pilot! Shinji, you said you heard the pilot was a girl, right?"
Shinji frowned, "Did I?"
"Pretty sure you did! I hope she's a looker, oh boy!" he cheered.
Once on deck, Misato got a talking to from the captain, which she brushed off with a simple question of what should she have done, being up in a helicopter. Without a good answer, he stomped off. Coming onto deck after him was the Second and Fourth Children.
Asuka hadn't gotten a chance to think about how angry she'd be when she saw Shinji Ikari again. But seeing him, lurking behind Misato as if he knew already what he had done, made her see red. She power-walked past Kaworu, ignoring his raised hand to stop her. She marched right up to him and slapped him full force.
It felt like the world stopped as she realized right after she shouldn't have done that. He would have no idea why she did that! He looked stunned. She took a few steps back and said, "That's for. Not being here."
Shinji didn't respond. Luckily, Toji muscled himself right into her space, "You witch! We couldn't land anywhere!"
She huffed, "Well, luckily. I wasn't alone. I had Prettyboy Fourth," she gestured to Kaworu who looked like he wanted to be anywhere else.
Misato blinked in surprise, "Both of you? In the same Eva?"
"Who knew it could work! I didn't but it's great. I had support and Fourth got a trial by fire."
"Speaking of not being alone, where in the hell is Kaji?" Misato looked past them and around the deck.
"Beats me. Haven't seen him since breakfast…," she trailed off with a frown.
Misato frowned too, coming to the same conclusion. "With any luck, he's just holed up somewhere. I think it'd take even more than an Angel to keep him down."
Kaworu hung back, watching them. At least Asuka pivoted enough to keep her cover.
This was unprecedented. Had he never synced with anyone in a single Evangelion like that before? Did maybe his perception blend with hers, showing her things she wasn't supposed to know? Was she trapped, just as he was now? He didn't like the thought.
Shinji approached him, "You're, um, the other pilot, right?"
Kaworu smiled, setting aside his racing thoughts in favor of something much better, "Yes. Kaworu Nagisa, the Fourth Child," and held his hand out.
Shinji shook it gingerly, as if he feared touching him at all. He looked back at Asuka, "She didn't seem quite happy to see me."
"She's just," Kaworu paused, thinking of how to phrase it, "...not in the best of moods today. I wouldn't take it personally."
"That's good. If we are to work together."
"I'll talk to her later," he promised.
They soon walked back into the ship, intent on getting lunch. However, Asuka pulled Kaworu into a side room, letting the rest of the group leave them behind. She hissed, "Explain. Now."
"This isn't a great time," he raised his hands in what he hoped a placating gesture, "Just play along for a bit longer. Act normal."
"Do you know what he did to me," Asuka gestured wildly, "Back, back then?!"
"I have an idea," he said quietly, "We need to treat him gently. All our fates could depend on him."
She crossed her arms. She hated the idea but couldn't argue. For some reason, Shinji was important back then, moreso than everyone else it seemed. Finally, she hissed, "Give me the short explanation."
Kaworu peeked out of the room. Finding that they were alone, he sighed, "Alright. For some reason, when we synced, it looks like my "condition" or part of it was passed to you. I remember everything that's happened already and many many variations on what you may remember."
"You're stuck in a loop," Asuka surmised.
"That's much better than how I was saying it," he admitted sheepishly, "It's not a perfect loop. Events may differ or even diverge. I can tell there's some things that remain the same though. I'll tell you all of that later."
Asuka frowned, seeing that for what it was. He was shutting her down. With a huff, she turned, "Alright, let us go play nice with the Third then."
By the time they caught up with the others, they had found a table and were getting food. No one asked them where they had gone, probably assuming they had to talk about something pertaining to the fight. Asuka opted to get just a salad, her stomach still not quite settled from her nightmare experience within the Eva.
"Apparently Kaji ran off," Misato informed her as she sat down, "Records show he took a jet and took off during the Angel attack."
"Where was he headed?" Asuka asked, even though she knew the answer.
"Beats me but part of me thinks back to Tokyo-3," she took a bite of her katsudon, "Would be just my luck for the bastard to follow me."
Asuka grinned. She couldn't help but subtly leverage her knowledge, "Seems you're quite worried actually."
"Worried?!" Misato gasped, "Don't get it twisted, girlie! I just can't believe he'd abandon you and Kaworu!"
"He wasn't my retainer," Kaworu commented.
"It doesn't matter if he was or not!" Misato cried, "He should have felt a shred of responsibility over you too!"
Shinji cut in, changing the conversation from something less heated, "Say, Kaworu? If Asuka is 02's pilot then what Eva are you going to pilot?"
Kaworu shrugged, "For now, none. Maybe when 03 and 04 are done, one will be given to me."
"You know about other Evas?" Kensuke asked, leaning forward into his space.
Kaworu blinked, "Nothing more than the fact they exist. It's all rather secretive."
"Aw man," Kensuke deflated then immediately re-inflated, "Wait! Maybe I'll be picked to pilot one!"
"Never got why someone would choose to do that," Toji commented, "...no offense, Shinji."
"None taken," he sighed, "It's how it is."
He turned his attention to Asuka, "You said you two were both in 02? I didn't know it could do that...when Toji and Kensuke were in mine, it just made it hard to think."
Asuka loathed the fact he was talking to her, much less looking at her. But she had to keep telling herself that this Shinji was not that Shinji who hurt her. She put on a confident face, "It wasn't easy, let me tell you. It was like we were constantly talking over each other but we eventually got it working! Hey! You know how we were "caught?""
Shinji nodded. She had his attention now and now she got to gloat, "It was a ruse! Kaworu figured its core was somewhere in its mouth so we had to get to it. We let it get us and cut our sync to minimize damage. Once at a favorable position, we crushed it!"
"That's really clever!" Misato praised, clapping her hands. This prompted Toji and Kensuke to join in and even Shinji who was more flustered and didn't want to be left out. Asuka basked in the praise and even Kaworu smiled. This was new...but it was nice.
After lunch, Kaworu excused himself and Asuka, picking up on his cue, also excused herself, using the excuse that she had to make sure all her stuff was in order. Once both were out of sight, they fell in step with each other. Asuka demanded in a barely-whisper, "Alright, we're going to be in port here in an hour or so. Explain. Now."
Kaworu nodded in agreement, "Take us somewhere where no one will hear us."
She took his hand by the wrist and dragged him through the halls. She took a left, then a right then another right and that was when Kaworu stopped trying to keep track of where they were going. They went up a flight of stairs then stopped him as she went up to investigate. She returned and led him up the rest of the way to an out-of-the-way helipad out on the deck. She let go of his hand, walking then sitting down at the edge, letting her legs hang over. Kaworu sat beside, placing his hands in his lap. He sighed, "Alright. To start, what do you remember?"
Asuka grimaced at what exactly he was asking but was sure it was necessary. She gave him a severely abridged version of what happened, ending with, "After Shinji tried to strangle me, we were there for a little while. I guess waiting for anyone else. He sat around moping, wondering if anyone would come back, like Misato or the doll or…," she paused, "...or you."
"Me?" Kaworu was surprised.
She nodded, "I remember him saying something like "maybe even Kaworu could come back". I guess because you died before it all went to hell, he didn't know if you might."
Kaworu stared at her for a moment, weighing his options, before he asked outright, "What do you know about me?"
Asuka shrugged, "Not much. When I went catatonic, they brought you in to replace me. You were killed in the last Angel attack. Shinji had something to do with it."
Kaworu would have breathed a sigh of relief if he didn't know that would immediately make him suspicious. He nodded, "Yes. The final Angel hijacked your Evangelion, using me as catalyst. To kill it he had to kill me."
Asuka cringed, "That's what happened?! Christus, no wonder he came apart at the end."
Kaworu once again nodded, the nigh-ancient ghost of the regret he had to do that haunting him. None of what he said was technically a lie but it still pained him to have to deceive her. It was too risky however for her to know of his Angelic status. Perhaps someday he would feel more comfortable trusting her with that secret.
Asuka asked, "So loops, huh?"
"But of a misnomer but I don't know how else to describe it. Things can change or diverge. Some things stay the same but there's always something different," he explained.
"So there's really no way to predict what may come," Asuka frowned.
Kaworu shook his head, "There's certain patterns, ones that follow the first loop, I've noticed but things could still change like that," he snapped his fingers for emphasis, "It's best we try to keep ourselves—and our fellow pilots—together so we can be strong for whatever may happen."
Asuka frowned. She didn't like having to play nice with Third and the doll but…, "So we could even prevent stuff like Shinji going insane or hell, me being unable to sync with my Eva?"
"It's not impossible."
Asuka punched her fist into one of her hands, "All I needed to hear. What do you think is next then?"
That was a fantastic question, frankly. Kaworu rooted around in his memories, searched for all possible things that might occur, looking for a pattern. "There's an Angel that can split up into two we may see soon. It typically comes next if Gaghiel attacks the Over the Rainbow…"
"They have names?" Asuka looked at him owlishly.
"Oh, uh, yes," Kaworu answered hastily, "I've worked them out in time. The next one's name is Israfel."
She accepted this easily, "So two Angels in one...I remember that. It'll be embarrassing but whatever it takes, right?"
"Now you've got the right mindset," he praised.
The praise fell on deaf ears because the more Angels she recalled, the more harrowing the memories became. The shadow, the parasite, the juggernaut...then the bird. Kaworu let silence fill the space between them as they thought about their certain yet uncertain future. Finally, Asuka broke it in a whisper, "My Mama is in my Eva."
It wasn't a question. "That is correct. Shinji's mother is in his as well."
Asuka's eyes widened as a lot of things suddenly made sense, "That's why it would go berserk. It wasn't acting erratically. She was acting to protect her son."
"Be careful with this knowledge, Asuka. You'll want to be careful when you interface with Eva. A sudden spike could cause suspicion."
Asuka swore under her breath, "Fine. At least, I know she's there though."
She swung her legs back and forth in the open air and asked a new question, "How do you deal with it? I remember Shinji hurt me and I know this one hasn't done it yet but I'm still so mad."
Kaworu shrugged and admitted, "I don't know. I've never had a problem like that. Maybe way back when but that was so long ago."
She sighed, "So you can't help me. Fine. I'll just have to deal then. He can change."
"So can you,"
She shot him a look but, to her surprise, his expression was completely sincere. He smiled and continued, "It doesn't have to be the same. With you and him or you and Ayanami."
She held his gaze then broke. "I don't know how," she admitted softly, looking away, not bearing to be able to look into his eyes.
She could not know truly how much Kaworu knew nor dared to ask. He'd answer, she was sure of it, but she didn't know if she wanted the answer. But he had done this multiple times before. He knew all that had happened that she remembered and he knew her mother was inside 02. He knew enough.
But yet, he treated her kindly. He didn't judge her. He didn't expect anything of her.
She almost felt if she rejected all of this and turned her back on him, he would understand and accept that.
She didn't understand it. Any of it.
He stood up and offered her his hand, "Let's go rest now. The ship will be in port now," to clarify his point, he pointed at the horizon where a city skyline could be seen.
He was giving her an out. So she took it and his hand, "Yeah, let's do that."