Chapter Text
Skies of wonder
Runa Johanne Nygård sweat so disgustingly through her skin, as if expelling the pain out of her pores in direct sunlight. The late summer sun showed her no mercy, despite living above the arctic circle, temperatures still boiled her alive on certain days. The sun had finally started to go down the horizon again, though only for a few hours at night. Well past midday it had sunk down enough to shine her right in the eyes, blinding her when she finally made it up the hill. Around her trees and shrubbery dotted the sides of the dirt path. Ahead was a big red building, with numerous windows, four floors tall.
Far behind her such horrible classmates still did gymnastics, on a wide soccer field of brown dirt. Running back and forth by the word of the gym teacher. Being away from them all was easy, she’d make any excuse to increase the distance between them. Finally she neared the wall connecting her previous school’s red main building, to the gymnasium clad in white stone. Along this wooden wall painted in white, a plain black ceiling had been built. An opening right in the middle of it drew nearer, the sun shone through it straight into her eyes. A lanky boy with a brown emo fringe ran to the bottom of the hill and shouted up at her from behind:
“Never come back you disgusting bulldyke!” She hadn’t learned his name just yet, not that she actually cared to. Quickly she looked back with tight brows and flipped him off with her big bulky hand, screamed angrily back at him:
“Fuck off!” Though her voice was way too thin to be intimidating, she still yelled so aggressively. Maybe if the heat didn’t make her slightly dizzy, would she actually think of something more creative to say back? Though she acknowledged; it didn’t matter much either way, she’d still hear countless insults even if she said nothing at all. Perhaps by the end of the day him and his little flock would test her strength again, and win? She sighed hard amidst gentle panting, wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. It still held onto a transparent waterbottle, half empty with lukewarm water. She relaxed her wide strong arm, clad in brown sweaty skin. And let the bottle down gently touching her upper thigh. She wore a dark red tanktop, nearly sweat through and tight black sports-shorts. Though she hated showing off her bulky body, there was no helping it in this kind of heat. Finally she passed the threshold in the opening in the wooden wall. Though the sun still glared her in the face, despite being underneath a roof. She frowned, had hoped some shadow could soothe her internal burning.
So she paused in the heat, still staring towards the sun. Not too far away from the metal stairs, leading up to the school’s main entrance. She opened the waterbottle, lifted her right arm and poured the water over her head. She could feel it trickling through her dark hair, too short to curl. Running behind her head and down her neck, spreading over her shoulderblades and into the tanktop from behind. Though it too didn’t help, the lukewarm water seemed to match her own temperature. That’s when she heard a gentle gasp from someone, she moved her head a bit to the side and saw a person sitting on the stairs against the wall, looking at her. Great, another terrible someone, gawking at her displeasing body. Any moment now she’d be mocked yet again, while turning her body around she said to counteract it:
“And what are you staring at?” Her voice was loud without outright screaming, deep in aggression the moment she spoke it. After speaking her eyes finally caught up with her, what stared back wasn’t a face of disgust and anger, but shock.
A girl probably her own age, with hair shimmering golden in the summer sun, waving and swaying in a fierce warm breeze hitting them both. It reached down well beyond her waist, though she wore a big black hooded jacket and a long dark blue skirt. With her entire body covered in clothes too big for her, exactly where her waist must be, was difficult to see. The sun hit her eyes, they were big and perfectly placed on her soft pale face. Not a hint of summer gave her color. Eyes swelled with tears stared back at her. With bright blue and glossy irises like the warmest bluest summer sky. Her lashes and brows were fairer than her hair, framing a soft small nose and lips full in soft shapes. It was slightly open, echoing her faint gasp from moments before. Tears trickled down her smooth cheeks, brightly pinked up by the blazing heat, no doubt. She sat pressed against the wall with her back straight, closed her beautiful mouth and stared back at her with focus.
Runa felt what she swore she’d never feel again. Gently her stomach fluttered, while her chest tightened in nervousness. A speck of dust glowing like fire soared up her spine. She gasped staring at a girl so soft looking, the pressure in her chest gathered and tingled. With cheeks prickling warmly she realized what she had done. This girl must have hid on the stairs to cry, and here she came; big and ugly and rude, making everything worse. Just for a few moments she stared back in silence, Runa expected that beautiful face to tighten up in anger, sneer in disgust while looking her up and down. But her expression changed from surprise to something like wonder. The world tricked her yet again, even just for a moment. A wild assumption made her soar while crushing in pressure. Like a comet entering the atmosphere, burning and crumbling, splitting up in parts. It seemed a connection was made, tied on by a golden thread shimmering in the sunlight. Binding them together in wonder. Though a pathetic notion, she had to do something to make up for her rudeness, So she sighed hard and said as gently as she could:
“Shit I’m sorry. I’m just.. having a really bad day.” Fuck, she herself was so awful and quick to anger. The notion fell through and made her chest and spine fall apart again. The comet burned up and vaporized in smoke, faded from this world without anyone watching.
Her default state set her back on the ground, sprinkled her chest with anger as she breathed. Whatever she had thought was there, was just wishful thinking. No matter what; she had been the horrible person she already knew she was. This girl was probably staring because she has never seen someone this revolting before. An ugly rude person, scary and big and aggressive. That’s who she was. Bright sharp shame struck right between her lungs and stomach. Propelled her into backtracking rather desperately.
“But that’s no excuse, just forget I was even here.” She just had to add, not that it’d make a difference. The girl’s gaze softened to something reminiscent of pity, just to mock her. Runa turned around quickly, walked towards the door going into the gymnasium. She saw the reflection of herself walking towards two doors nearly covered with glass, the room behind was completely dark. With big shoulders and arms, a wide neck and head, a chubby belly and broad bulky legs, she walked towards what she hated the most. In a firm clunky gate she stepped up to the door and grabbed it. Quickly she opened it by the handle, it dunked into the wall beside it. She groaned knowing that poor girl probably jumped by her unintentional show of strength, fuck!
She got in quickly, into darkness and cool air. Everything became silent and cold, she sighed with relief. Finally, something giving her burning body comfort. She ran down a handful of steps. Slowly her eyes were getting used to the lack of sunlight, the rooms around her seemed so intensely dark. Still she ran towards the girl’s wardrobe, accurately remembering the placement of everything. Firmly she flung the door leading into it open as well. This time nobody was there to witness her fury.
She threw the empty plastic waterbottle against the floor and sighed hard, lifted her hand up to her face and gripped the very top of her noseridge. A light pressure emerged from behind her eyes, she moved her face up towards the ceiling and tightened her brows firmly. Already those eyes shimmering with the heavens had burned into her retinas. That softness, those tears, that expression, such incredible beauty. Of course she sought to squander it, knowing it was in her nature to be bad. No matter who she met, that wouldn’t change.
“Fuuuck.” She said loudly to herself, she was the worst person to ever exist! Punishing those undeserving with her anger and insecurity, just like before. No way there was something there, had the world been different she could’ve sat down with her. Asked her if she was okay. She nearly laughed in the silence, it was pathetic of her to even wonder. There was no changing it, that was just about the worst way she could have presented herself. And the world wasn’t different, it was cruel and senseless, just like herself.
She lowered her arms and looked down at her black running shoes, her dark hairy legs and bulky calves. By now she had gotten used to the light, the walls around her dotted with wooden benches and hooks built in, were gray and dreary. It stunk of wet wood and soap, even if nobody else was there yet. Though those blue eyes still looked back at her, she made sure to let the dream go. Prolonged suffering wasn’t on her agenda for today. Though she had to pee, and planned on re-filling her bottle, she decided to make sure that girl was gone when she went out again. That was the least she could do.