Chapter Text
The moon shone over empty stores in Regency Plaza. Most Jacksonvillians were heading to bed, but Showbiz Pizza Place was still buzzing with activity. Within its walls, an organ played a bouncy tune.
Oh Mickey, you're so fine
You're so fine, you blow my mind
Hey Mickey! Hey Mickey!
A cluster of hands, padded and furry, broke out into applause.
"Thank you, thank you!" Mitzi Mozzarella exclaimed, giving a dramatic bow. "I think that was my best take yet!"
"You really nailed that song, Mitzi." Billy Bob said kindly.
Beach Bear sang,
Oh Mitzi, you're so fine
You're so fine, you blow my mind!
Hey Mitzi! Hey Mitzi!
The Rock-afire Explosion laughed.
Fatz Geronimo set a colander with bananas and fake human ears on his head. "As the Grand Poohbah of Crazy Colander Night, I'd say this is the finest colander anyone has ever seen!"
"Very stylish, Fatz." Mitzi said.
"You know, Fatz, I think Colander Night is such a great idea," Billy Bob told the gorilla, who smiled proudly. "It gets our guests thinkin' creatively, and it's a whole lotta fun!"
"It gets us thinkin' creatively, too." Dook LaRue added.
The brown mongrel was doodling tiny red stars on his rim of his colander, which was also fitted with a striped rocket smashing into puffy cotton balls that resembled smoke.
"And it helps us get back the money we spent on stuff for our colanders." Beach Bear added.
"I think it's beyond stupid to put a spaghetti strainer on your head!" the ever pompous Rolfe de Wolfe said with a tight cross of his arms. "I won't have my fan club seeing me with one of those ridiculous things!"
Earl Schmerle the puppet said something, his voice muffled by his friend's arm. When Rolfe raised him he quipped, "You're beyond stupid, yet the 'fans' see you every day!"
Fatz turned to the others. "Well, what do y'all think we should do?"
"We've already decorated the colanders." Dook pointed out, setting his marker down.
"And I seriously doubt any spaghetti's slipping out of this thing!" Beach Bear added.
His colander was piled high with black and colorful feathers.
"I think water is supposed to come out, not pasta." Mitzi corrected him with a chuckle.
"I love my colander!" Looney Bird said while energetically moving up and down in his blue barrel. "I wanna wear it every single night forever!!"
"I think the event's just in March, Looney Bird." Billy Bob reminded his feathered friend.
"Ohhh! Forever in March, then!"
"It's settled," Fatz declared. "Crazy Colander Night is a-go!"
Rolfe rolled his eyes. "You're all crazy for even thinking about participating! The only good thing about this whole thing is that free vacation."
"I wish I could be the winning family," Dook said. "I'd take a trip to the moon!"
"I'd see my family up in Tennessee," Billy Bob added. "But it's silly when there are so many other fun places to go."
"Naw, I don't think it's silly. If the moon's not available, maybe I'd go see my mama in Louisiana."
"I'd see my mama, too," Fatz (a fellow Louisianan) agreed. "Mmm, I know she'd have the finest feast in the world all done up for me!"
"I'd hang ten in California," Beach Bear said. "The Atlantic's cool and all, but the waves hit different in the Pacific!"
"I'd go to Las Vegas and win lots and lots of money," Rolfe said with a smirk. "I'd go to all the hotels and win even more money!"
Beach Bear scoffed. "Figures."
"Yes, I'd have six figures of cold, hard cash. Buckets full!"
That made Beach Bear laugh. He said, "Yeah… six pennies!"
Rolfe glared at him. "Where would you go, little Earl?"
"Anywhere but here!" Earl replied.
Mitzi gave a dreamy sigh. "I'd take that vacation to see Michael Jackson perform his new songs! Ooh, you think he'd give me the scoop on the rest of his album?"
She broke out into an enthusiastic performance of the King of Pop's latest single, Billie Jean.
"That's marvelous singin', Mitzi, but I think we'd better focus on our next song." Fatz reminded her.
"Oh, right!" Mitzi exclaimed before straightening her sweater and giving her green and white pom poms a shake.
"Here we go with Strain Your Brain. Get ready, everyone!" Fatz told the Rock-afire. "One, two, three!"
Beach Bear played an electrical chord on his guitar and Dook quickly followed with the drums. After a while of them jamming together, Fatz's smooth bass voice joined in.
Nooo brakes, nooo brakes, nooo brakes!
Then everyone sang,
Don't sit back
Here comes an attack
Get ready, friend
Better keep it on your head!
Fatz sang next. Beach Bear and Dook chimed in with some exclamations.
Use your protector
Yowza bowza!
It's a fallout reflector
Yeah, yeah!
As the Rock-afire sang of becoming an atom bomb, Rolfe trudged backstage, the metallic rainbow steamers of his stage fluttering.
"What ridiculous lyrics! We're not literally an explosion!" he muttered. "Or they're not. I, the superior Rolfe de Wolfe, will have no part in this!"
"I have an advertisement on the showtape, stupid!" Earl reminded him. "And if you can't get on the stage, neither can I!"
Rolfe groaned. "How can you even think of being in this cheap propaganda? I thought you knew better than this!"
"I do… but you don't! Besides, it ain't cheap, it's free! The Colander Gazette's gonna have a picture of you in it, you know."
A wave of haughtiness passed through Rolfe. He asked, "…It does? Me? Earl, tell me… did they get my good side?"
"Nah, they got your face!"
Rolfe rolled his eyes while striding to the storage room, where a big poster board attached to a stick was waiting on a table. With a marker in one hand and Earl in the other, he wrote 'D', 'O'-
"Your sign's crooked, man." Earl pointed out.
"I thought you were a supporter!" Rolfe said.
"I am, I just don't want you to look even more stupid than you already do."
Rolfe grumbled. He used Earl's head to rotate the poster board, causing the puppet to ask, "Hey, what are you doin' man?" and a fluffy of muffled protests. Once the board was straight, Rolfe finished writing.
"'Down with Colanders'," Earl read. "Shouldn't it be 'Down with Colander Night'?"
Rolfe scoffed. "I'm not redoing the sign. Honestly, can't they think of something better to do? Something like… like…"
The wolf was quiet for a solid half minute.
"Ha! You can't even top 'em!"
"Small Appliances Night!" Rolfe exclaimed with a snap of his claws. "Yes, everyone would go to Kmart and pick up a shiny, beautiful appliance to put on their head," He gave a cocky smile. "A much better idea than some colander."
"I ain't puttin' no dishwasher on my face."
"I said small appliance."
"Meh, it's all big to me."
"Like a… a…" Rolfe lowered his head to think. "Oh, like toasters and crock pots and Mix Master blenders! It's gonna be a national movement! The president will strap a toaster to his face! We'll have national ambassadors and it's gonna be incredible! Don't you see, Earl? We're gonna have history on our hands!" He frowned as he suddenly realized, "Hmm. Well, a mixer would be a little dangerous. And a mini fridge is even stupider than a colander! But I'm not going back on the crock pot!"
"And you thought you were the smart one."
Rolfe rolled his eyes. He held up his sign, picturing the guests at Showbiz heartily agreeing with him.
'Down with Colander Night, Down with Colander Night!'.
Then multiple people would say, 'Rolfe has the right idea.' 'Oh, of course he does. He always has the right idea.' 'Wait, who's Rolfe?' 'Only the coolest member of the band. He should take center stage and kick those other guys out on the curb!' 'Who need a colander when you could put a pot on your head? I'm allergic to spaghetti, anyways.' 'I'm gonna go to Kmart tomorrow and buy out all the pots they have. Then we'll all take part in Crock Pot Night!'
'Yay, Crock Pot Night!' everyone would cheer. 'Boo, Colander Night!'
'That wolf is such a genius for coming up with that. He should get a big, fat raise!'
Then the crowd of adoring fans would say, 'Rolfe! Rolfe! Rolfe! Rolfe! Rolfe! Rolfe! Rolfe! Rolfe!'
"Rolfe… ROLFE!"
Earl had cut into the crowd's cheers.
Rolfe blinked back to reality, giving his yellow friend a look as he asked, "What was that for? I was universally beloved!"
Earl scoffed. "The only way you'll get the world to love you is if you quit Showbiz! And don't think about wormin' your way into regular showbiz."
Rolfe rolled his eyes. He suddenly realized that Billy Bob was singing,
Maybe baby, I'll have you somedayyy…
"Ladies and gentlemen, the music of Buddy Holly!" he said as Fatz played out the song on his keyboard.
Rolfe and Earl stepped out on stage.
"What does Buddy Holly have to do with colanders?" Rolfe asked.
Billy Bob smiled. "We want to make everybody happy here at Showbiz! The parents really get a kick out of rock n' roll. And I've loved Buddy Holly since I was a bitty lil' cub, so it's special for everyone!"
Mitzi leaned against Beach Bear and yawned. "How much more of the set do we have? I'm tired."
"And how much more until she turns me into a pancake?" Beach Bear added.
Choo Choo seemed to agree, for the little bear fell back into his tree trunk and gave a sleepy sigh. Birthday Bird flew off of Billy Bob's guitar, descending into the trunk. Antioch the spider traded his birthday hat for a nightcap before raising himself to his spot behind the stage's valance.
Fatz chuckled. "We'll wrap it up for tonight, folks. But tomorrow, we have to get through the rest of the set! It's gotta be finalized and recorded by Wednesday. Got it?"
"Got it!" everyone except Rolfe said.
"Oh, shut it!" he scolded Earl.
"You shut it!" Earl replied.
Rolfe moved the puppet so he was right in front of his face. "No, you!"
"No, you!"
"I'm not the one participating in this ridiculous excuse of a show-"
"Well, I'm not the one comin' up with something even more ridiculous!"
"Let's get out of here before their arguing keeps us up!" Dook said.
The rest of the band nodded and put their instruments away, leaving Rolfe and Earl to argue in… well, the furthest thing from peace!
As Billy Bob pushed open the double doors of Showbiz, the Rock-afire was met with a brisk mid-February breeze. A car honk sounded through the parking lot.
"That's my dad," Mitzi said. "See you tomorrow, guys!"
She gave a little wave before crossing the street to meet up with her dad.
Half of the moon lit the night sky as everyone else went to the parking lot on the side of the building.
"G'night, y'all!" Fatz said before opening his car door. "See ya bright n' early for practice."