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Eddie glares at his phone as it vibrates with messages causing it to vibrate across the table with each one.
It’s a lot of messages.
“Someone’s popular,” comments Hen.
“Finally got that online profile locked down, huh Eddie?” teases Chim.
The question causes Buck to move out of his slouch, his eyes turning to Eddie “Oh, you're really doing that?”
“Ah, there’s that cold snap coming in.”
Eddie looks at Chim confusedly, “What are you talking about?” he asks knowing he’s missing something.
“Who can tell,” interjects Buck, “There’s nothing cold here, we’re firefighters, if anything’s coming in it’ll be hot.”
“Nice save,” comments Bobby as he sets down a plate of spinach and feta muffins, Buck looks affronted but takes one.
“Wow, that was something to see, Buck.” says Hen, her face soft.
“Literally no chill!” Jokes Chim,
“Because I’m hot!”
“That wasn’t quite the burn you think it was,” claims Hen as she turns a page in her book.
“I regret telling all of you,” whispers Buck, causing the others to break out in laughter.
“Like we didn’t know!” Gasps Chim through his guffaws
Eddie watches the back and forth without a clue to what is going on. Like he didn’t get this week’s scripts, you know if his life was a TV show.
“Know what?” He asks, Buck’s eyes widen in surprise at being overheard,
“It’s nothing, Eddie, honestly, Buck didn’t tell us anything we didn’t already know.” Explains Bobby, shedding zero light on the topic and causing Buck to look outraged.
Another trill of Eddie’s phone puts the attention back on himself.
Eddie ignores it again to look more closely at Buck. “I’m not online dating, it’s May, she wants to drag me to a gay bar.”
“Oh snap! Get it Eddie,” screams Hen, with Bobby and Chim offering their own words of encouragement.
Realizing Buck has remained silent , Eddie meets his eyes, “Do you think it’s a bad idea?” He asks his best friend.
Best friend didn’t really cover it, Buck was family.
“Yeah, Buck what should Eddie do? You must have some words of encouragement,” prompts Chim.
“Do you want to go?”
Eddie looks around at the four people he has shared so many highs and lows with, from their own to the strangers they help. He trusts them implicitly, he knows he can open up to them without fear of judgement.
“I do, I really want to kiss a man, can’t stop thinking about it, actually. But I’m worried I’ll have a panic attack and throw up or something equally embarrassing.” Eddie shrugs his shoulders, “Kind of wish I could have a practice run,” he adds.
Buck jumps up, “I volunteer!”
“Pipe down, Katniss!” Shouts Chim.
Eddie doesn’t know where to look, or what to say, Buck can’t be serious.
“I think we should all take a second,” tries Bobby, but Buck is already shaking his head.
“Cap, it’ll be fine,” he says before turning to face Eddie, “This isn’t any different than all the other things I do for you already. Since you don’t have a large pool of queer men to ask,” Buck trails off his gaze turning calculating, “Well, you could always ask Josh.”
Hell no!
“Fine, come over to mine after our shift.” Buck winks, his grin looking extremely self-satisfied.
“This can’t end well,” Chim whispers to Hen.
“With these two, who can tell at this point?”
Eddie narrows his eyes at them, why are they making it into such a big deal? Buck was helping him out, making him feel more comfortable before entering the fray for real.
They were being bros, Eddie shudders at the thought. Having never liked that term even before he discovered his sexuality.
Eventually Eddie picks up his phone, agreeing to May’s demands. Telling her it has to be tonight before he loses his nerve, safe knowing that whatever happens he’ll be getting a kiss either way.
***
Eddie is a mess, competing against him for first place is his bedroom. The bed is covered with shirts, having tried on his entire wardrobe, pretty much.
Finally settling on black jeans and a dark wine colored shirt.
He assumed this was how the night would start, only his nerves were less about the club. No, he was freaking out over Buck and his offer.
Practice kissing. It was either a plan of pure genius or a terrible mistake.
He supposes it’s in Buck’s nature to fix things and he was right about Eddie’s lack of options. He shudders again at the thought of Josh, they had a mutual hate for one another, in a respectful way, of course.
Heading to the kitchen, Eddie fills a glass with water and sips, the cool liquid acting as a balm. As he relaxes, other anxieties fill his head. Should he be this worried? It‘s just a kiss, a way for Eddie to hit another base in his journey.
They had been through so much together, this was another extension of their relationship. Like Buck said it was no different than all the other things they had done for each other over the years.
So why did his body feel like it’s vibrating with anticipation?
A knock at the door jolts the intrusive thought away.
Eddie checks his watch, out of habit than any desire to know the time. He already knows it’s Buck, his rap against the door is less familiar than his usual visitors. His use of it is infrequent, unheard, and awkward since he uses his key most of the time.
Heading for the door Eddie keeps his steps slow, he doesn’t want to appear over eager. Pulling the door open, his greeting dies on his lips, Buck is dressed in light khakis, a grey sweater and a dark brown jacket.
He looks really good.
“Hey,” the word pulls Eddie from his stupor and thankfully his brain allows him to smile. He stands back with the door handle clasped using appropriate strength.
“You could have used your key,” manages Eddie, did that sound weird? Buck reacts with a shrug, the action allows for Eddie’s shoulders to relax.
“So how should we do this?” Asks Buck, leaving Eddie to perform a goldfish impression.
He shakes it off, obviously without pleasantries he thinks. Sure it was all in the name of practice but couldn't they warm up a little first?
“You’ll likely be standing at a club,“ Eddie nods, “So, we can use the wall as a prop, start lightly and build to more.”
Eddie nods again, he wants to ask what more entails? But the question stays behind closed lips.
He watches closely as Buck leans against the wall, only for a moment before he pulls away to shrug his jacket off. Eddie feels his mouth go dry, he moves closer to Buck, stomach a swirl of hopped up butterflies.
It’s practice, nothing but practice.
Once he’s stood in front of Buck, their feet interlocked, Buck takes his hand, “Hi.”
“Hi,” before he can add to that loquacious opening, Buck surges forward brushing their lips together before pulling back.
The touch of Buck’s lips, brief though it was settles Eddie’s butterflies, he searches out Buck’s eyes finding them bright, his right eyebrow lifted as in a challenge. Eddie wraps his hands around Buck’s neck and crashes their lips together, pulling a surprise whimper out of Buck.
The sound is addictive, he wants more of it. Eddie deepens the kiss, his tongue brushing against Buck’s lower lip until the man opens for him, his reward another whimper.
Yes, while he didn’t know it existed mere seconds ago he craves prying more noises like that from Buck. How could he know? Having never been near to hear Buck like this, they were friends, buds, bros.
They break apart for air before falling right back into another kiss. Buck opens without prompting, allowing Eddie to tangle their tongues together.
Buck’s hands grab on to Eddie’s waist, tightly, it feels so right and it somehow makes him feel small.
Fuck he likes it, a lot.
Eddie yearns to get closer, to touch skin, but a knock at the door forces them apart. Buck’s eyes look glassy and unfocused.
“You’ll do fine tonight,” he says, his voice cracking, Eddie thinks he’s about to cry, a quick blink and it’s gone. Buck wipes his face with his hand and it’s like a shutter going down on his emotions.
It reminds him of soldiers doing the exact same action so they could make it through the day.
It isn’t Buck.
Eddie knew this would become a mess, but how can he fix it?
The knock comes again, huffing Eddie turns away from Buck walking three steps to open the door to May. She’s dressed in a cute purple dress and dark grey jacket, a green bag with a chain on her shoulder.
“You good to go, Eddie?” she asks.
Eddie’s about to ask for a minute when suddenly Buck is shuffling past him. An action made difficult by the limited space.
“Buck, are you joining us?”
“Buck, wait,” implores Eddie, May’s question goes ignored.
“I can’t,” he says simply, the turns to May, “ Not tonight, look out for each other, okay.” May answers with a salute.
Eddie watches him walk away, he feels disorientated. What was that? Because it didn’t feel like practice, or was gay practice more intense when carried out between two people who really cared for each other?
Eddie didn’t know and he doubted google had the answer.
“Did I interrupt something?”
Eddie jerks his attention back to May, her eyes look soft and too kind, like she’s communicating that she’s available to talk if he needs it.
Sometimes Eddie hates her emotional maturity, she’s basically half his age and already understands herself in ways he can’t parse now let when he was her age.
“It’s all good, let me grab my jacket,” the lie comes easily, he runs through breathing exercises while grabbing his phone, wallet, and keys. Making sure he feels level before joining May outside and locking his front door.
“We’re parked over here,” Eddie follows along, his head a mess of jumbled thoughts and feelings, it’s too busy for any outside input to register.
He slides into the passenger seat as May slips into the driver’s side.
“Good evening to you too,” Eddie jumps attempting to swivel only to be impeded by his seatbelt, earning him titters of laughter. Heaving at the belt finally gives him space to turn, meeting the amused faces of Athena and Karen.
“They tagged along,” May informs him, Eddie finds her expression a mix of annoyance and gratitude.
“Hey, we’re the protection for the baby gays tonight,” explains Karen, Athena nods approvingly.
“So, Eddie, why are you looking so dazed?”
“He’s thinking about all the men he’s going to kiss, I may be a lesbian but let me tell you that Eddie is going to clean up!”
“Yeah, I don’t think that’s it, he’s been weird since he opened the door, Buck too,” offers May.
Karen peers out the window, “Buck’s here? Is he joining us?” Eddie shakes his head causing Karen’s gaze to turn soft, “Honey, if you’re not ready we can go to mine for wine and chinese.”
“No, I want to go,” Eddie sighs, running his hand through his hair, Buck’s face after the kiss still haunting his mind.
Athena leans forward meeting Eddie’s eyes in the rearview mirror, “Is this about Buck?”
Eddie nods, “Bobby told me what happened during your shift today.”
Eddie feels the atmosphere change, he can feel Karen and May communicating in raised eyebrows.
Do they think speaking aloud will spook him?
“I was really nervous about tonight, I said something about wishing I could get a practice run, and Buck offered.”
“Oh my god! Did I interrupt practice?”
“Yes, but that’s all it was, I think, can we not talk about this, please?” he doesn’t understand how he feels about the situation and something tells him outside opinions won’t help for the moment at least.
***
Eddie takes in his surroundings as he waits at the bar, the colored lights, people of all types laughing, drinking, dancing, and having fun. He had spun around on the dance floor with Athena and Karen while May got bombarded with numbers, he smiles as he spots her talking with a pretty redhead.
He accepts his drink with a smile, his third cinnamon cherry paloma, it was sweet, warm, and a pretty shade of pink. But truthfully he felt underwhelmed, knowing deep down that the overwhelming part of the evening had been in his own house with his best friend.
His mind keeps flashing back to the memory, Buck all soft movements and moans, like his strings were cut and Eddie was the only one capable of holding him up. Could the roles be reversed? He thinks of surrendering himself to Buck, the thought spreading like wildfire through his mind and body leaving desire in its wake.
And he already knows Buck can lift him.
“Hey,” Eddie looks up to find a man eyeing him with obvious interest, he’s got shaggy brown hair and green eyes, and he’s a little shorter than himself. He goes on to say his name as the bass increases, Eddie politely nods pretending to hear.
He thinks it starts with a J, was it James or Joel, unsure Eddie settles on JJ.
For his inner monologue only.
“I’m Eddie,” he introduces himself, before deciding to bite the bullet, “Can we go into that alcove over there and kiss?” he asks, pointing to the opposite corner, it’s dark and far away from the table he’s sharing with the others.
“Wow, direct huh?” Asks JJ, smiling, “I sense this isn’t a usual occurrence.”
Eddie shakes his head, before spilling his whole story, probably more than necessary but JJ doesn’t run away. Eddie doesn’t know if that’s a red flag or not but he’s not planning on seeing him again.
They head over to the area Eddie suggested, facing each other until JJ gets closer and closer until their lips meet. From the very first touch, Eddie knows it isn’t right, JJ’s hands wrap around his back pulling him closer whereas Buck’s had fallen on his waist gripping him tightly. There’s no little whimpers, Buck’s sounds had lodged in Eddie’s brain so badly he was desperate to hear them again. Lastly he could taste lime on JJ lips from his cocktail of choice, Buck hated lime, Eddie knew he would have opted for the watermelon cocktail.
In that moment Eddie knows, his future has been by his side this entire time. He wants to bring Buck here, for their kisses to be a mix of cherry and watermelon.
The reason best friend didn’t feel right as a descriptor was because it wasn’t correct, and it hadn’t been for a long time, because Eddie was in love with Buck.
Eddie pulls away, “Thank you,” he says, cringing at his choice of words.
JJ shrugs, “It’s a shame I didn’t meet you before the guy you’re actually thinking about.” Eddie goes to apologize but the man waves it off, “Go get him.”
Eddie flashes a grin, he turns away heading over to his table, unsurprised to find three pairs of eyes looking at him with pride.
”Whoo, Eddie!” shouts Karen.
“Did you get his number?” asks May, as she fiddles with her straw.
”No, actually we need to leave, or I do at least,” he tells them.
Athena’s eyes turn cold as she looks in the direction of JJ, “Did he do something?”
“No, he just isn’t Buck, it took kissing him for me to realize.”
“Realize what?” Asks Athena, engaging her Mama bear tone.
“That I’m in love with him, it’s Buck I want to be with, always.”
Eddie watches as the three women he regards as family all look at each other before bursting out into screams with a few Hallelujahs thrown in.
“He must have been really good at practice,” jokes Karen, her phone in her hands as she types seemingly a lot more sober.
”Let’s go find him,” suggests May, “Where could he be?
Eddie ponders the question, “Maybe the loft or he could be with Maddie.” He suggests, looking at the rest of them, Athena who’s acting as designated driver for their return trip, sighs.
’He’s with Bobby,” she informs them.
Fuck, he’s really messed up, Buck goes to Bobby when he doesn’t want anyone else to see his sadness. He likes to calm down in Bobby’s relaxing sure presence and fall into a paternal hug.
“Come on, Ladies, let’s get these dumbasses together,” rallies Athena, they follow her out of the club like little ducks in a row.
***
Buck parks up outside the house, wiping his tears away he’s surprised to find himself outside Bobby and Athena’s, after driving around aimlessly for the last hour. He debated going to the beach but wasn’t willing to be hit with more bad memories.
It was bad enough his mind kept imagining Eddie at the club, dancing, kissing, or find love with a random stranger.
Buck hides behind his hands for a moment, purging the thoughts from his mind. He also wishes he could purge himself of Eddie’s touch, and taste, only he knew what those felt like now, all thanks to himself.
Past Buck, Buck of a few hours ago had really screwed up.
It felt so perfect, so right. Fuck, the man could kiss.
Buck knocks on the door, having taken twenty minutes to work up to this point. He feels a lot calmer than when he left Eddie’s, feeling like sparking live wires had lessened slightly.
But that kiss, his hands filled with Eddie’s waist, everything had felt so perfect. He could still taste him, and he has to live with never having any of that again.
Ruined by five minutes of kissing Eddie Diaz.
He wipes away his tears, somewhat amazed he’s kept them at bay this long. He rushed away from Eddie’s without thought, walking the opposite way from his Jeep so not to pass May’s car and whoever was sitting in the back seat.
He walked casually back and forth down the street until he saw them drive away. He thinks that since most of Eddie’s neighbors know him is the only reason no-one called the cops.
The door opens, “Buck,” greets Bobby happily, “Everything okay?” He asks, his voice tinged with concern, his left eyebrow raised.
“I make a mistake,” the words come out shyly, the tears flowing freely.
“Eddie?” Buck nods, he feels lighter as Bobby pulls him into a hug.
He’s safe now, safe to breakdown, so he does, crying freely into Bobby’s shoulder. Not once does Bobby pull away, waiting until Buck moves first.
“Guess we should move out of the door,” jokes Buck, casually wiping his eyes.
Bobby smiles wanly, stepping aside to let Buck in, “Is Athena here?” As they make their way into the lounge Buck settles in the corner of the couch.
“She went with May and the others,” Bobby says apologetically.
Oh, so that’s who it was.
Right, because Bobby told her what he offered Eddie, and she knew it would lead him here when it inevitably blew up in his face.
“Oh.”
“Can I get you anything?” Offers Bobby, hoping to ease Buck’s pain with the comfort of his cooking.
It usually works, but the wound feels too big to ever close.
Buck shakes his head in answer, and Bobby joins him on the couch, the two of them sitting in companionable silence.
“I acted so rashly offering to practice with Eddie, typical Buck 1.0.” Buck shakes his head, “Maybe I should take a week off, to get my head clear.”
“You could do that, I hope you know that we’re rooting for you both to get together,” consoles Bobby.
“I know, I think I confided in everyone so I wouldn’t confess to Eddie. I don’t want to put that much pressure on him, his whole life has been pressure.”
“Athena made it very clear that you stay here tonight,” Buck figured as much, he watched Bobby get up, probably to try and tempt Buck with a plate of snacks when his phone beeps.
He picks it off the table reads the message, looks at Buck and reads it again, “You might want to rethink those plans.”
“What, why?”
“Eddie’s on his way here with the others.”
“What, why?” Buck repeats as his body lights up with anticipation.
***
When the car pulls up into Bobby and Athena’s driveway, Eddie is battling a whole flea circus of nerves.
It took them a little longer to arrive, having to stop for May to puke, Eddie hadn’t realized how drunk she was. She seemed a lot more alert now, tittering in the back with Karen.
They’re parked for less than a minute when Bobby comes out the front door, he's smiling so Eddie takes that as a good sign.
“Hey, everyone,” greets Bobby, he laughs at the excited greetings from May and Karen, “So you had a good time?”
“Yeah, May caused a frenzy among the young lesbians at the bar and Eddie kissed some guy.” Eddie cringes as May blushes quickly averting her eyes away from Bobby in embarrassment.
“How’s our boy?” Asks Athena
”Better, but still sad and blaming himself,” Bobby meets Eddie’s eyes, “He knows your here, Eddie, you can go in.”
Eddie thanks him, his stomach lurching unpleasantly, he can do this, if a declaration of love gets him access to those noises Buck made earlier he can definitely do this, it’s a certainty.
“Whoo, Eddie go get you man!” Screams Karen, “Wait, Bobby why did you come outside?” She asks as if only now registering his presence.
Bobby looks taken aback as if the answer should obvious, “Uh for privacy,” he answers.
“Hey we didn’t sign up for that!” Shouts May outrage in her eyes.
“You tell him, May,” Eddie watches as Karen’s eyes widen with an idea, she turns to May only to have trouble with the whispering part, “We can sneak up and peek through the window.” They high five each other then grab each other's hands and bounce excitedly.
“No, absolutely not.” Eddie doesn’t mean to put so much edge into his voice but it works, settling both Karen and May.
“Fine, but I’m texting everyone,” teases Karen.
“Me too,” May smiles mischievously “I’m texting Josh!”
Eddie rolls his eyes, he doesn’t care though as long as it keeps them away from the windows.
”You use that tone on Buck and he’ll be putty in your hands,” comments Athena as Eddie gets out of the car.
Bobby opens his arms and Eddie allows himself to be pulled into a quick hug, Bobby is always the glue holding them together.
Eddie begins taking steps, no wider or smaller than normal, just his usual pace. The walk still manages to feel both long and short as he stops in front of the door.
In minutes his life will change either way, if Buck accepts what he has to say he’ll be like a helium balloon trying to reach the sky.
And if not he’ll sink.
Eddie has a feeling the latter won’t be their end but Buck might need some time before they can reach the sky.
Unwilling to procrastinate any further and risk Athena accidentally on purpose hitting the car horn, Eddie knocks and enters the house.
He walks down the stairs, stopping as he catches sight of Buck pacing, on his next turn he spots Eddie and halts.
“I don’t know why you’re here, Bobby wasn’t real forthcoming and I don't know if he knows why or if it wasn’t in the text.” The words rush out but are fully understood by Eddie used to many an excited rant by the man.
“It wasn’t in the text, Buck,” clarifies Eddie, he takes the rest of the steps until he’s facing Buck on opposite ends of the lounge.
Earlier Athena had taken pity on him by showing the message to Bobby before she hit send.
Put simply, it said they were all coming home. The amount of emojis under the text felt alarming but he wasn’t about to criticise Athena on such a thing.
Typically now is the time it dawns on him that those emojis may have been the real message. Eddie schools his face so as not to alarm Buck, he accepts never knowing the answer because he’s never asking either Bobby or Athena if they have a secret emoji language.
Maybe he can get Chim to bring it up on shift.
“Okay, so why are you here? Why aren’t you at the club meeting guys?” Asks Buck, his eyes look red from crying, Eddie yearns to banish his sadness.
“I tried, I kissed someone,” Buck flinches, “One person but it was enough for me to realise it should have been you,” Eddie steps closer, slowly so Buck doesn’t flee, “You're the only one I want to kiss Buck.”
“Really?” Buck’s voice is tinged with hope like he can’t believe it’s a possibility let alone fact.
“Yeah, you aced the practice that no one else will ever compare.”
Buck wrinkles his nose, “That was so sappy, Eddie.”
“Yeah.”
“So what happens now?”
“I hope you’ll drive us home, I’ve had too many cocktails but not enough that I can’t do other things.” Eddie raises his eyebrows, hopefully in a seductive manner, “That’s if you’ll have me?”
“Have you?” Buck splutters, “I’m never letting you go.” Like a light switch Eddie sees something snap in Buck, his eyes turn dark with desire as he stalks forward.
Eddie remembers his thoughts back at the club, of giving power to Buck and letting go of himself. His back hits against the wall pulling him to the here and now.
When did he start moving?
“What was so wrong with this other kiss?” Growled Buck, his tone causing Eddie to quiver.
“His hands were on my back, not my waist,” Eddie gasps as Buck’s hands trail down to the top of his hips, gripping him gently, “Tighter, please,” he begs.
Buck smirks, he looks way too pleased with himself, so Eddie grabs him with both hands and immediately slots their lips together. Eddie melts into it, this time opening for Buck’s tongue, he wants more, so much more only Buck pulls away.
”You taste like cherries.”
“Cocktails,” he says simply before engaging his puppy eyes, “Kiss me again?”
Buck shakes his head in denial, “We need to leave before things get indecent.”
Eddie signs in frustration but agrees, “Okay, let’s go face our friends and leave as soon as possible,” he holds out his hand, rejoicing when Buck takes it leading him up the stairs toward their friends and future.