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Perhaps it was the way his face would light up upon seeing Tim, the way his lips would split into that charming grin that could melt through solid ice, making everyone near him feel loved and warm. He fondly remembered the first time he saw that smile, from across the way on his college campus. He didn't know how important that smile would be to him, and how fast it would make his heart go back then.
Or maybe it was those deep caramel eyes, the ones that could read Tim like a book, conveying messages without using words. It was so hard to keep secrets from those eyes, so hard to avoid them. But they were so kind, so gentle. Even if Brian didn't understand, he supported Tim. No matter what, he was there.
Others would say it was the way his golden hair curled at the very tips, always perfect, always soft and messy, though Tim could never determine whether it was naturally that way or if Brian purposefully messed it up. Sometimes, if the light caught him right, Tim could've sworn he was an old painting of some Greek god, with his deep solemn eyes and sunshine hair.
Maybe it wasn't his features at all, but something else entirely.
His favorite season was summer. He can still see Brian now, laying in the grass, hands behind his head as he had his eyes closed. The light was sure to hit him beautifully, casting shadows to bolden his jawline and to only make him more desirable to Tim. His lip twitched once, maybe twice, but he made no movement aside from that, looking as still and regale as a marble statue. The wind was gentle, tousling his hair lightly, and though the sun shone boldly, the heat was bearable. He wore a plain blue shirt, slight muscles faintly defined, and if Tim watched closely, he could see his chest subtly rising and falling with each breath he took. They didn't speak because they didn't have to. Their love was a deep one, and the silence spoke louder than words ever would. Tim, for once in his miserable life was happy, content to simply exist alongside Brian.
That day exists now only in Tim's memory.
Tim was never fond of summer like Brian was, personally preferring the winter, but perhaps that's what made their bond so special; they were different, and as they say, opposites tend to attract. For example, Brian enjoyed staying up late with Tim, cuddling up against him and watching meaningless TV shows. Brian was made of warmth and kindness, someone so sweet that Tim couldn't help but be attracted to him. He'd always fall asleep on him and come morning, he usually found himself in the same spot, head resting on Brian's chest. Sometimes his cheeks would go red with embarrassment before he would sleepily remember that it's okay for couples to snuggle. He'd never fallen for someone this hard before, and never had he felt so wonderful.
Most days, Tim was the first to wake and ready to begin the day. His Brian, on the other hand, would sleep till noon, curled up on the couch and immovable till he decided he was waking up. Tim let him stay there, unless it was growing too late in the afternoon, to which he'd coerce Brian to get up, using his soft voice and even softer lips to get Brian moving. Sometimes, Brian would try to convince Tim to lay back down and sleep or cuddle with him instead. Most times it worked. How could he ever say no to those soft hazel eyes and that mellow voice?
They used to go to an ice cream shop every other Friday after college. Tim, the introvert, held Brian's hand and stayed by him wordlessly as Brian ordered for the two of them. Tim can still remember how Brian's favorite flavor was strawberry, how he smiled and teased Tim about the Marble Hornets production. They'd go over their lines together while they ate and idled at the ice cream parlor. Brian would be so passionate about the script and his acting, and even though no one else in the project cared, Brian did. He always did his absolute best, smiling and keeping his optimism up. Tim, more than a few times, was very close to smacking Alex upside the head and tearing apart the script before making a dramatic exit. He never did it (part of him was scared of what Alex would do) because he'd ruin things for his Brian and the very last thing he ever wanted to do was make Brian sad.
Around Christmas time, Brian would go wild, completely swept away with the season of love and generosity, decorating their dorm and dragging Tim to go caroling whenever he could. Tim never understood why he was so passionate about Christmas, but then again, Brian cared about a lot of things that Tim never thought about. Personally, he hated Christmas. He had never celebrated it back in the hospital when he was younger and when he got out, he wasn't motivated enough to do anything. In his mind, it was a day like any other day. Until he met Brian.
He'd plead with Tim, begging him to sing and go caroling from house to house, because he said Tim's voice was the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard and that Tim was cruel to hold his gift from others, especially during the holiday season. Tim would get flustered and deny it as he didn't find himself different from any other person, but Brian would go on and on about him and made him feel so important, as if he could brighten someone's day with just a song. So even though he didn't really want to, he found himself following Brian around and they'd sing with the local caroling groups, happy to be together.
He remembered vaguely that Brian wanted to be a doctor, how he wanted to help people. It's a shame he never got to, and Tim thought he would've been perfect for the job. He'd go on and on about medical terminology and explain to Tim in depth about what he learned in class, using his hands excessively to express his point. Tim once brought up the fact to Brian that he used his hands a lot to express himself. Brian's cheeks flushed red and it was clear now that he was very self conscious about that, and Tim felt terrible for mentioning anything about it afterwards. But he couldn't deny it was funny watching him awkwardly stuff his hands in his pockets or go to move them before they'd stiffen and Brian would lower his gaze, as if ashamed.
Anyways, Tim would always listen attentively to him. It didn't really matter what Brian was saying, as Tim didn't understand most of it (asking would only cause Brian to delve further in depth) and he was just glad that Brian was so focused about his future. Tim didn't care where he was going, or what he was doing. Sure, he loved music but he didn't really see a career in mind for himself.
Honestly, he thought he'd be dead by now.
It was quite the other way around. Brian, so bright and cheerful, with his beautiful smile and kind eyes, was gone. And Tim was forced to stay here, without him. He never got to see Brian become a doctor. Nor would he ever spend another summer day with him, another Christmas. No more ice cream, no more laughter, no more cuddles, no more... No more Brian.