Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

 “What? Are you annoyed that I told you to call me Hyung? Hahaha--”

Taemin laughed in his friend’s face, arm still hooked over his shoulder. Is that a blush I see? Ah, he’s so easy to tease.

Woojin looked away from Taemin, but grabbed the hand hanging over his shoulder, “No. I’m not annoyed. Instead of ‘Hyung’ I’d rather call you Taemin,” he lifted Taemin’s hand off his shoulder and moved to stand in front of him, face to face.

He was still holding Taemin’s hand, uncaring who saw them in the thick crowd of people, “Because I like everything about Taemin the most.”

Taemin could feel his face flush at his words, he quickly reclaimed his hand, “Agh! W-what is this you’re saying?! C’mon, the cold must be affecting your brain, let’s hurry and go eat in a warm place.”

The words rushed out of his mouth as he began to push through the throng of people.

Damn. Even now, he says these types of things like it’s nothing.

He looked over his shoulder to see his childhood friend following closely behind. His pale eyes like light beams tracking his every move and expression. Taemin frequently caught Woojin staring at him now and then. His focused eyes sometimes made him uneasy. They were calculating. Storing. Processing.

Processing what? What’s so special about me that you can’t take your eyes off me?

He faced forward with a huff, moving in the direction of his favorite noodle stand.

I keep forgetting. This guy is dangerous…

“Ughh, I’m so stuffed! I blame you, my stomach wouldn’t be on the verge of bursting if you didn’t offer your beef.”

Woojin shrugged, “You could have refused, I just saw how much you enjoyed it and thought you’d like some of mine.”

“Hah?! What’s that? Don’t act like you’re innocent! Next time don’t offer me anything! You still have to share the blame for the condition I’m in!”

Woojin laughed at Taemin’s response, “Haha! I’ll remember that next time.”

They were walking up the stairs to Taemin’s apartment. Once they reached the top floor, Taemin unlocked his door with Woojin following after.

Taemin turned on his lights and then flopped onto his thin bed on the floor, “Man! I’m beat!”

Woojin took his time removing his shoes and then walked over to where Taemin lay on his bed.

Taemin looked up at him, immediately feeling uneasy, “What’s wrong? Find somewhere to sit and plop your ass down.”

Woojin didn’t respond, he just continued to look down on him, the harsh light above casting shadow on his face. Even then, Taemin could see his piercing eyes studying him.

I don’t like how he’s looking at me.

“Taemin.”

“Hm? What? What is it?”

Woojin got on his knees, his eyes still laser-focused on Taemin. A pale hand reached out and pulled at the hem of his shirt.

“Taemin. I want you.”

Shit. Not this again.

Taemin grabbed his wrist so that he let go of his shirt, “Hey. Stop fucking around. How many times have I told you? Last time means last time. Didn’t I tell you to find some girls to mess with? Stop doing this.”

Woojin’s face crumbled, “I know! I just—there’s just, no one like you. I only want you, Taemin.”

 He’s not going to cry again is he? Fucker knows I don’t know how to handle him when he does that.

Taemin sighed, “Look, I’ll always be there for you man. But can’t you see? We’ve got two different things going on. You’re the only son of this corporate bigwig going to a fancy ass school. I’m a broke indebted dropout who can only afford to treat you to noodle bowls. That’s too much of a gap in life. You can have anything or anyone!”

So why do you only want me?

“I don’t care! Taemin is best! I’ve tried with others but it didn’t work! If you want to bridge this gap, then let me pay off your debts! Come live with me, I’ll take care of you. I could even ask my father if you can attend school with me!”

“Absolutely not. This isn’t your burden to bear and you’ve helped plenty enough. Don’t think you’re sly leaving hundreds of dollars laying around my place or ‘forgetting’ your wallet when you come over. This is my responsibility to take care of on my own.”

Woojin looked down, his bangs hiding his face so Taemin couldn’t read his expression.

Aw man, I can’t stand it when he’s like this. Don’t look at his face. If you see his pout, it’s game over.

“It’s getting late. If you’re not careful you might miss the last train. Won’t someone get worried if you don’t come home tonight?”

Taemin realized that he was still holding Woojin’s wrist, he quickly let it go, but was surprised when Woojin’s hand snapped up and grabbed hold of his, “No. No one would care if I went back to that empty place. I want to stay here with you. I want to always be by your side. Do you hate me? Don’t you want to be by my side forever?”

Taemin knew he was blushing. This guy! How can he say these things?

Taemin slapped a hand over his face, trying to hide his blush and not look at Woojin,“The things you say..! Argh.”

Woojin moved forward, his hands sliding up and down Taemin’s muscular arms. He leaned his head in the crook of Taemin’s neck, placing soft kisses on his collar bones.

“Taemin. Please. I want you.”

Don’t give in. Stop listening to this guy, make him go home. Stall him, anything!

Face still covered with his hand, Taemin stammered out, “H-hey! Don’t you have, uhh. You have school tomorrow, right?!”

Woojin answered in between kisses, “No, I don’t. And earlier you said you got a day off work. You’re out of excuses. Taemin, please.”

Taemin removed his hand from his face at Woojin’s touch. He felt warmth move towards his groin as he watched Woojin fondle his crotch over his pants.

Fuck, that feels good. It’s been a long time—no! Stay strong! He’s got to learn someday that this isn’t ok!

Suddenly, his lips were covered by Woojin’s soft pale pink ones. He only released him after a few hungry kisses. Taemin was able to get a good look at his messy blonde hair and his face flushed an erotic pink as he continued to fondle him.

Taemin felt frozen as he watched Woojin’s pouty lips move as he spoke, “I want to feel you inside me. I need you inside me.”

Taemin grit his teeth and growled in anger as he pushed his childhood friend down on his bed.

Fuck. Why am I still weak to this fucker’s face?

“Ah! Ah! Tae-taemin! Yes! Yes! Mmm—ah!”

Taemin grunted as he thrust into Woojin over and over, his body hunched over him as he fucked him from behind. They were nearing the end of their second round when Woojin tightened around him and he nearly came.

Damn, was it this good last time? He feels amazing.

Taemin lifted Woojin’s hips and began to stroke him, his lust filled mind reminding him that the blonde requested that they come together the second round.

Taemin felt hot, sweaty, and dazed when he finally heard Woojin cry out that he was coming. He bit Woojin’s shoulder as he came deep inside his friend’s ass. Arms weak, he flopped onto Woojin’s back when he finished.

They were nothing but limbs and heavy breathing bathing in post-coital bliss.

Fuck, I didn’t mean to fall on him. I hope he isn’t angry.

Taemin started to pull his self out when Woojin reached behind and grabbed his arm, “W-wait! Don’t take it out, yet!”

“Huh? But I’m crushing you.”

“It’s fine, it just feels so good. I like feeling you inside me. I want to feel like this all the time, so keep it in a little while longer.”

“Hey! Saying those things again, don’t you have any shame?!”

Woojin laughed, causing Taemin to shiver as he felt vibrations from his laughter move around his dick.

He moaned and pushed back into Woojin, lazily grinding against his ass.

“You’re the worst. I might have a day off tomorrow, but I still have to get up early.”

“What’s this Taemin? I thought you said we were only going to do it once and then I had to get the fuck out?”

“Yeah, well. It’s pretty late and you’ve already missed the last train,” He licked at the bite marks he left on Woojin’s shoulder, “I’m not that heartless to kick you out on the street.”

Woojin moaned under his ministrations, “Aren’t I lucky? I—ah!—I get to ride Taemin all night long.”

Taemin felt himself getting hard again, “Shut up. You say the most embarrassing things.”

With a thrust and groan of pleasure, they started on round three.

Taemin blinked at the bright sunlight that poked through his curtains and landed on his face.

Ah, morning already? How long did we stay up last night?

Taemin stretched in his bed and realized that he was alone. The fuck? Wasn’t he the one saying he wanted to sleep with my dick in him? Where is that bastard?

The bathroom door opened and Woojin walked into the room completely naked, focused on the phone in his hand.

“Hey you asshole! What time is it? I told you I had to be up early, why didn’t you wake me?!”

“Ah, good morning Taemin. You’re so cute when you sleep, I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Argh! S-shut up! I’ve got shit to do today!”

“I’m sorry I didn’t wake you, but I had to clean my ass out, you came a lot last night.”

“Ugh! No one asked you anything about that!”

“You’re so lively today. Here.”

Woojin handed the phone he was holding to him.

“Ah. Wait! This is my phone! What were you doing on my phone?!”

“Don’t worry. I deleted a few messages, like the one that girl was sending you yesterday.”

Woojin moved to his pile of clothes and got dressed quickly as Taemin raged at him.

“Deleted! Who asked you to do such a thing you bastard?! How do you even know my password?”

Woojin threw on his coat, “Does it matter? It’s not like you need to keep talking to her anyway. And you use the same password for everything. You’re so simple.”

“Simple?! You looking for a fight?! And who’s to say I didn’t want to talk to that girl?! Who are you to decide that!?”

Fully dressed, Woojin stood over Jaemin like he did the night before. His face was serene as he looked down on him, after a moment he leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on his lips.

“Did you forget? You’ve got me, so you don’t need to talk to anyone else. Now, I’ve got to go, I’m already late.”

“Hah? Late for what? Where are you going?”

Woojin finished putting on his shoes and then opened the door, “School. I’ll treat you to dinner tonight, ok?”

With a wave he was gone and Taemin sat in his bed, still naked, and just stared at the door.

…school..?

“GRAH! THAT SHITHEAD LIED!!!”

He threw his phone on the other side of the bed as he got up to get ready for the day.

I knew it. That fucker’s dangerous.

Chapter Text

7:12 am                Hey. I’m coming over around 7. I have a club meeting after school today so I can’t walk you home from work.

10:41 am             How is the new part time job? Have any girls tried hitting on you? Don’t get their numbers, even if they offer you food. Either way I’ll just delete them    later.

4:57 pm               This meeting is boring. Send me dick pics.

5:09 pm               Did you get my email? I sent you some of my dick pics. Respond back asap.

6:32 pm               Hello.

6:55 pm               Why aren’t you responding? Are you mad? I think you’re the only guy who gets mad because he got to have sex. I love riding your dick. Get over it.

7:12 pm               I’m getting on the train now. Why aren’t you answering your phone? Did you take another shift?

7:24 pm               Hey. Answer your phone dammit. I’ve called six times in a row and you haven’t picked up once.

8:17 pm               Taemin where are you?? Why aren’t you at home? Why aren’t you responding? I called your part time job and they said you left hours ago. Pick up your phone. This isn’t funny.


When Taemin’s phone finally picked up after Woojin called it for the millionth time and he heard a woman’s voice on the other end, he could only think one thing:

That sleazy bastard!

“Hello? Are you a relation of Yoon Taemin?”

Woojin’s anger dissipated immediately when he heard the clinical voice ask him the question, “Um…yes. Why? Did something happen?”

“…Can I have your name? It seems like Mr. Yoon has no listed blood relations for his emergency contacts.”

Woojin felt his stomach drop the more he thought over the woman’s words, “Emergency..? Fuck that! Is this a nurse? Did Taemin get hurt?! What hospital is Taemin at? Is he ok?!”

“Sir, I cannot answer any of those questions until I am able to confirm your relationship to the patient--”

“Who fucking cares?! What hospital is this?!”

He heard a tired sigh, and then the nurse finally responded, “Mercy International Hospital.”

Woojin was already dialing his driver’s number before she could finish.

I can’t breathe. Please God, please anyone. Let him be ok.

Two days.

Taemin had been in a coma for two days.

Woojin had been in the hospital room watching every time Taemin’s chest rose and fell.

Holding his hand.

Crying.

It had only been two days, but to Woojin it felt like an eternity.

The moment he stepped into the shoebox hospital room they stuffed the love of his life into, Woojin had a fit. He had Taemin immediately transferred to the best hospital in all of Seoul and placed into the nicest private room they could offer.

To him, Taemin only deserved the best. Anything less was an insult.

Of course, his spending activities caught his father’s eye and within minutes of Taemin getting settled into his new room, his father’s bodyguards came to drag him home.

But he refused to leave Taemin’s side.

Fuck school. Fuck Dad’s money. Life without Taemin isn’t a life worth living at all.

He couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t eat.

Just watched Taemin breathe while Woojin wiped away his own tears. Scared to death that his worst nightmare would come true.

“Mr. Min Woojin?”

Woojin looked up from caressing Taemin’s face. The doctor stood in the doorway. A neutral expression on his face.

“What is it?”

“We have an update on Yoon Taemin’s condition.”

Woojin stepped away from Taemin’s prone form, hope rising in his heart, “Well? When will he wake up?”

The doctor frowned and Woojin felt like his heart became encased in ice. Stopping the growing hope in its tracks.

“He’s going to wake up. I know he will. Taemin is a fighter. He would never just give up on life.”

The doctor cleared his throat, “I’m afraid you might be wrong about that.”

Woojin glared at him, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well. Based on the test results from today and yesterday--”

“Just say it. Skip the medical mumbo jumbo. Why do you think he won’t wake up? Anyone in a coma has the ability to wake up from one eventually. No matter how long they’re in it.”

The doctor was quiet for a long time.

After awhile he cleared his throat and looked Woojin in the eye, “He won’t wake up, because he only has about another 72 hours to live.”

Woojin swallowed thickly. His vision clouded as tears rimmed his eyes.

“Bullshit. I just saw him the other day. He was fine. He’s young and healthy. So you tell me,”

He flew across the room to grab the doctor by his collar.

“How the fuck you can just say that he’s going to die in 72 hours?!”

“Please Mr. Min, calm down. I understand that this news is not what you were expecting to hear.”

“Hell no, it isn’t! You’re a doctor! The best one to deal with traumatic brain injuries! Do your fucking job and make sure that he doesn’t die in the next 72 hours!”

“Mr. Min!” The doctor paused and took a breath, “Look. Everything you just said was correct. But there’s one thing you need to understand. I may be a doctor and have the ability to save lives. But I’m not God. Taemin’s body was terribly ravaged by that truck. It’s more than just a traumatic brain injury going on here. His organs are failing. His body is slowly shutting down.”

The doctor released himself from Woojin’s hold and stood next to Taemin. He looked down at him and informed Woojin of his status in a strained voice, “He’s dying. And there’s nothing else we can do.”

“S-surgery. You said his organs are failing, maybe if I get some new ones for him--”

“It doesn’t work that way. Replacing several vital organs at the same time will just result in a quicker death. I’m sorry. But there really isn’t anything else we can do.”

“There’s nothing?”

“We…can make him comfortable.”

Woojin covered his mouth to muffle his sob.

The doctor continued his report in a monotone voice, “He’s heavily medicated now, even though he’s in a coma, so he shouldn’t be in any pain.”

Woojin slowly shook his head side to side, “Are you sure he won’t wake up?”

The doctor thoughtfully placed his hand on his chin, “Hmm, with these things you never know. He might be lucid right towards the end, or just stay in the coma.”

Woojin’s heart thudded painfully in his chest, “Oh god. No, no. I won’t even get to say goodbye?”

The doctor sighed and began to review the charts hanging on the edge of Taemin’s bed, “I don’t know. Right now everything depends on him.”

Woojin looked down at Taemin’s prone form.

You better come back to me, you bastard. If you leave me behind…

Woojin rushed to his side, leaned down and kissed Taemin as tears continued to run down his cheeks.

He didn’t care that the doctor was there, or that the door was wide open for anyone to see.

His heart was crumbling and although he put as much of his feelings as he could in the kiss, Taemin’s own lips were unresponsive.

Woojin broke the one-sided kiss and gently caressed Taemin’s face.

“I swear, if you leave me...I’ll follow. So just come back. Fight. And then come back to me.”

Woojin knew that today was not a good day.

The moment he woke up in the recliner next to Taemin’s bed, his gut felt heavy and his eyes felt strained.

Miraculously, Taemin’s condition had not changed in the past few days.

Woojin had spent last night celebrating over the fact that Taemin was still alive past the doctor’s 72 hour prediction.

And after celebrating, he had finally been able to sleep. The stress, worry, and elation allowing him to deeply slumber for more than the hour or two he had gotten in the past week alone.

But now he felt no elation.

He felt sick.

When the nurse came in and asked if he’d like anything to eat, he didn’t bother responding to her.

He didn’t feel hungry, the thought of food actually made his stomach feel worse.

Besides, all of his focus was on Taemin.

Maybe I’m just coming down with something. All this stress is probably messing with my immune system.

But he didn’t ask for any medicine. He sat in the recliner, watching Taemin.

He sat there for hours, unmoving. His head filled only with cherished memories of his lover.

He cried often.

It was around noon when his whole world shifted.

That was when the incessant beeping from Taemin’s life support machines began.

“Move! Get away from him! Get off me! Let me go! Stop! Stop!!”

Woojin thrashed against the hold of two bodyguards and three nurses. They all struggled to hold him back as the doctor monitored the machines hooked up to Taemin.

They all beeped in tandem, mixing with Woojin’s cries and creating a disconcerting cacophony.

“Please! Please! Let me go to him! J-just, let me--AUGH! Taemin! Fight! Please, please, don’t leave me!”

A nurse hurried into the room, pushing a cart covered in medical instruments before her.

She parked it next to Taemin’s bed as the doctor calmly monitored Taemin’s condition.

He seemed completely oblivious to the turmoil around him as he adjusted the breathing tube poking out of Taemin's mouth.

Suddenly, both the doctor and nurse gasped.

The nurse pointed at Taemin's face, “Doctor! Look! He opened his eyes!”

Everyone in the room seemed to pause once they heard the nurse’s words.

I knew it. I knew he would fight. He would never, ever, leave me behind.

Woojin seized the chance to break away from his captors and rushed to Taemin’s side.

“Taemin! Look at me! Look here!” He reached down and caressed his face as Taemin’s dark, sunken eyes groggily looked in his direction.

I knew it. I knew he was going to be ok--

When Taemin’s eyes found Woojin’s, Woojin couldn’t help but stumble back, “T-Taemin?”

His eyes…

To the others in the room, nothing seemed out of place as the dying young man smiled up at his lover and then gently closed his eyes.

Shortly after, the machine monitoring his heart beat let out a steady long beep. Signalling that his life on Earth had come to an end.

Woojin felt like his entire world had shattered right in front of him. His vision darkened as he looked down at the hospital bed.

Shaken to his core, he turned away from Taemin’s body and began to walk out the room.

His eyes. I know Taemin’s eyes. I spent a large part of my life staring into them.

No one followed him as he walked down the hall to the elevator.

Those eyes…

He slumped against the elevator wall once the doors opened, mindlessly pressing the button for the lobby floor.

He looked up at the bright elevator light and let out a pained moan.

Those eyes...those weren’t his.

Before his descent was finished, the elevator stopped on the fourth floor and three people got on. An older couple and a teenager.

Woojin recognized the school uniform the teenager wore.

It was the same as his own.

“I can’t believe that this could happen to our son. Sweetheart, why weren’t you there with your brother? Haven’t I always told you two to look after one another? Why would Siwon...how c-could Siwon...hic...”

The woman broke down in tears and her husband tried to console her, "Come now, honey. Let's not worry about that now. No matter what caused Siwon to try crossing the street in the middle of the road, thank God that he at least still has his life."

Woojin felt a pang of jealousy from the man's words. Another tear slowly leaked out of his eye.

The man wasn't done talking, "Besides, we're all here to support Siwon when he wakes up, isn't that right, Jiwook?"

The blue haired teen stared down at his shoes and didn’t reply to his father.

Siwon..? The school loser..? And his bratty brother Jiwook? What..? Ugh, who cares. Taemin...Taemin is...

The elevator dinged and before the doors fully opened, Woojin pushed past the couple and their son out into the busy lobby.

This is all wrong. What’s going on? How did this happen?

He exited through the hospital's automatic doors and walked towards the loud traffic directly in front of him.

The person laying on that bed. Who I cried for, agonized for, that wasn’t him. I know Taemin. I know him.

Woojin paused on the sidewalk, watching the heavy evening traffic whiz by.

That wasn’t him.

He closed his eyes and tears began falling down his cheeks.

He took a step forward.

I’m not crazy. That wasn’t Taemin. It was someone else. An imposter inside of his body.

Woojin heard a horn honk, but he ignored it and kept walking forward.

He slowly closed his eyes.

If that was someone else inside Taemin’s body…

Woojin choked as someone yanked his collar and pulled him backwards. His eyes flew open and he saw a bright red car fly past, horn honking all the while.

“Sir, are you alright?! Are you hurt anywhere?!”

Woojin felt dizzy as his security checked his body for injuries.

He stared up at the darkening sky.

Woojin began to mumble as his bodyguards lifted him and began to carry him back to the hospital.

His body flopped like a ragdoll as his mind began to race.

No. No. No. No, no, no, no. I don't want to go back into that hospital if Taemin isn't there. I don't even want to be on this planet anymore if Taemin isn't.

He felt himself placed into a chair and a blanket thrown over his shoulders.

But...is he really gone..? Those eyes...

He knew someone was calling his name, but he couldn’t bring himself to answer.

I must have looked into them a thousand times. And I know, without a doubt, that those eyes...

Suddenly, he shot out of his seat, the blanket slipped to the ground as he began to shout.

“Where?! Where is he?! Where did he go?!”

Whose eyes were those? They seemed familiar, but foreign...

“Sir! Sir! Calm down!”

I've seen those eyes before, I must have. But they weren't Taemin's. Then whose eyes..?

Once again, nurses and bodyguards began to pile on him.

If those weren't his eyes, then that wasn't him. That wasn't Taemin!

They wrestled him to the ground and once he felt his back solidly on the floor, tears began leaking out of his eyes as he mumbled over and over.

“If that wasn’t him...where is Taemin? Where did he go? Where is he? Where is he? Where is he…?”

Chapter Text

Woojin felt empty as he sat in the funeral hall he reserved.

He was the only one in attendance.

Woojin sat directly in front of the casket. He was both upset and grateful that he was the only witness to the last celebration of his lover’s life.

He had arranged everything with what little money he had been able to scrape together after his father cut his purse strings for paying Taemin’s hospital bills.

At the time, his father had called it “reckless spending”.

Woojin called it love.

But his love wasn’t enough.

The dimly lit room with its worn tatami mats bothered him. The walls were so thin that he could hear the wails of other mourners down and across the hall. And every now and then, if someone walked by the room he was in, their steps echoed throughout the room.

Even worse, he could hear every conversation held in the hallway. There was no sense of privacy in the cheap funeral home. It was enough of a racket to take his attention away from his thoughts.

Not only was the funeral held in a subpar location, Woojin had hardly any money left for the actual funeral setup. There were no flowers, no decorations. Just a terrible picture of Taemin’s government ID resting on his casket and two lit candles.

Woojin felt like the irritated scowl on his lover’s face from his ID photo was directed towards him.

Taemin deserves much more than this. He deserves a choir singing to him on his journey to heaven, he deserves an ancient church complete with marble floors and stone walls with beautifully hand-crafted stained-glass windows--

“Excuse me, sir?”

Woojin looked up, a bit shocked that he had zoned out. The funeral director looked at him with sad eyes.

“Mister—?”

“Min.”

The funeral director’s words were gentle but firm, “Mister Min, would you like to say a few final words to Mister Yoon Taemin? The crematory is ready to receive him. We will be holding another service in this room in the next half hour.”

Woojin was shocked that he could still feel tears come to his eyes. He had been crying for several days already.

He swiped at his sore and burning eyes and stood slowly.

He felt dizzy and a bit queasy when he got to his feet. He made his way to stand in front of the casket.

“This is not goodbye, Taemin. We will meet again. Just wait for me. Please.”

Woojin sat on his bed in the dark. He was still wearing the funeral attire. His hands bunched up the expensive material of the dark suit.

He knew that he was ruining it, but he just didn’t care.

He still felt dizzy as he thought over the past few hours of his day. He imagined Taemin’s body inside the coffin.

His memories supplied him with the shape of Taemin’s frame.

He remembered the nights they spent together and how much he loved listening to Taemin’s heart race in his chiseled chest after they made love. He thought about Taemin’s strong arms, how they held Woojin in his sleep, how his rough fingers were gentle and calming.

In the next moment, he imagined Taemin’s muscles, arms, chest, and heart being eaten by flames.

Reducing his lover into nothing but a pile of ashes.

No! This can’t be real--! I still don’t understand how this happened! Last week he was alive--in one piece—and now he’s being turned into dust right at this moment--

Woojin gagged and stood. But he was again hit with a wave of dizziness.

He tried hard to push the images out of his mind. He tried to think of anything other than Taemin being reduced to cinders. However, he didn’t need to think too much as his own body seemed to be enough of a distraction.

Why am I so dizzy?

His stomach grumbled and he realized what was happening.

When was the last time I ate? I…I can’t remember.

Clutching his head, Woojin stumbled out of the room and into his modern kitchen. He made a beeline for the fridge, but once he opened it, his entire appetite vanished. He shut the fridge and leaned against it.

I can’t do this. I don’t want to do this. How can you do this to me, Taemin?

He could feel the tears come back, despite his tear ducts already burning with pain. He slammed his fist against the fridge.

“Enough! I can’t sit still anymore or I’ll go insane. I need to get the fuck out of here.” He quickly gathered up his phone, keys, and wallet and raced out of the apartment.

Once outside, he made his way towards the train station.

Woojin got on the familiar train line like he used to.

He got off at the familiar stop, like he used to.

He walked to Taemin’s neighborhood, like he used to.

He arrived at Taemin’s apartment and walked up the old and rickety stairs, like he used to.

He fished out Taemin’s apartment key that he got copied without his permission, like he used to.

His hand shook as it easily slid into the lock.

He took a deep breath.

“And you’ll be on the other side of this door. Like always. Like you--”

Woojin quickly unlocked the door and it swung open.

“—Used to.”

The apartment was cold, and the air stale. Everything was unchanged from the last time he had been there.

Except Taemin wasn’t there.

Woojin struggled to accept how everything was still the same, but everything had changed. His mind couldn’t accept how the apartment looked like Taemin would return any moment, but he was so painfully aware that Taemin would never come back.

And in that moment, Woojin felt totally and completely alone. 

He closed the door behind him and fell back against it as he broke down once again. After crying for a few minutes, he removed his shoes and crawled into Taemin’s bed. He sobbed into the blanket that still smelled faintly of Taemin.

He didn’t even realize when he fell asleep.

He dreamed fitfully and woke abruptly when his dreams were suddenly plagued by familiar looking eyes shutting closed forever.

Two days later, Woojin returned to school. As much as Woojin tried, he could no longer avoid his father’s henchmen. It took many threats and lots of yelling to get him out the door and back to school.

He still needed to keep up appearances as “Min Siwoon”. Eyes still rimmed red and stomach queasy, Woojin returned to his high school.

He had wondered what his classmates thought of his absence until a teacher stopped him in the hall and asked if he felt better after being sick so long.

He adapted quickly to the story his father spread as other teachers and classmates wished him good health.

If only I truly were sick. I’d give this body up in a heartbeat if it meant…

His eyes watered again and he numbed himself to any thoughts about his lover. It was quite the feat however, because his brain liked to torture him with thoughts of Taemin. Conversations with Taemin. Eating with Taemin. Touching Taemin. Having sex with Taemin. Memories bounced in his head all day to the point that he couldn’t pay attention in class. By the time the day finally ended, he had numbed himself so much that he felt detached from his body.

It was like watching his body from the outside. It did mundane things without his control or thoughts. That also meant that the emotions he felt were severed through this detachment.

He floated on in his life like this for the next few days.

This behavior made him seem even more standoffish than usual. Before Taemin’s death, Woojin was not very sociable, but afterwards he became completely anti-social. His classmates were unsure of how to approach him so they actively avoided him at school.

Woojin felt like an uninvolved bystander as he watched himself waste further and further away.

Food held no more interest. His fridge was always packed with fresh groceries but whenever he opened the fridge door he would just stare at the food. Every time he would close the door when he realized he no longer had any interest in eating.

Taemin had been dead for almost four weeks when Woojin once again returned to his empty apartment. Like he had done each day, he went to the fridge and began opening the door. But this time he stopped himself and angrily slammed it shut.

What the fuck am I doing? What type of life is this? Why do I do the same shit each day like everything’s fine and he’ll come back?

Woojin pushed off the fridge and ran out the door. He ran all the way to the train station and down to the platform where he jumped on a train. He got off on a later stop and found himself walking down a busy alley a couple of blocks from Taemin’s house.

How is this any better? Why even come here? What the hell am I doing?

Woojin sank his hands deep into his pockets as he weaved through the throng of people. All the while he battled fond memories of Taemin walking by his side, his arm slung over his should so they didn’t lose each other in the crowd. He screwed his eyes shut as the memory twisted an imaginary knife lodged deep in his chest.

Why is it that the best memories hurt the most? I’m a fucking mess. Admit that you have no reason to live now that he’s gone—

Woojin’s stomach sank as that thought popped into his head. At the same time, he caught whiff of a familiar smell and his legs moved towards the origin of the smell of their own accord.

His eyes and mouth watered as he approached Taemin’s favorite noodle shop. The owner noticed him as soon as he stepped in and greeted Woojin with a smile.

“Oh? It’s always good to see a familiar face. Come in! Come in! Where’s that friend of yours? I haven’t seen him around in so long! What’s that handsome devil up to these days? Still fighting off girls--? Hey! Hey? You ok?”

Woojin’s face was bright red, his eyes glassy. He didn’t need a mirror to see how he looked. The noodle shop owner’s expression was enough to let him know that his face was a wreck.

Woojin wiped his eyes, “My..um…friend. He’s--he’s really sick. And--and I’m really worried about him. This is his favorite place so--”

The shop owner waved a hand in the air, “Ah! Say no more! But jeez, you were acting like he died or somethin’ haha! Here, two pork bowls, on the house. Tell him I said hi, and hope he gets better soon!”

Woojin’s tried to thank the owner, but his throat felt clogged so he just nodded. He took the piping hot bowls and returned to the busy alley.

Why did I do that? Why did I lie to him?

Woojin didn’t want to think. He slowly walked back to the train station almost like in a trance. He completely let his body go on autopilot as soon as he swiped his train pass. He didn’t notice what train he boarded. He didn’t pay attention to where he got off. Finally, Woojin’s mind was empty. And he was grateful for it.

He thought he was wandering aimlessly, but once he took the time to realize where he was, he was already outside Taemin’s apartment building.

Woojin heaved a heavy sigh and began the steep climb up the long stairs. He opened Taemin’s apartment door and went inside. It was still cold inside. The air still stale.

Woojin sat on the floor and placed the pork ramen bowls in front of him.

He took one bowl and ate as much as he could.

When he couldn’t eat anymore, he noticed that he had a small pile of pork left in his bowl. He opened the other bowl and slipped it inside.

He closed his eyes and imagined his lover shouting at him for giving him extra pork. Woojin remembered how much he would laugh at Taemin but also secretly muse at cute it was that his lover was so self-conscious about gaining weight.

In the dark, Woojin tried hard to stop thinking about Taemin. He tried so hard. But the happy memories were so embedded in his person, so much a part of his being, that all he could do is watch as the gaping wound on his heart widened until it was unrecognizable.

His heart was absolutely broken and damaged. Woojin knew without a doubt that when Taemin died, a huge part of Woojin died with him.

Chapter Text

Woojin was nothing but a husk.

A shadow of his former self.

Every morning he woke pained and irritated.

Every night he wished that he would die in his sleep.

He prayed for his heart to stop.

And some days the pain of losing Taemin was so great, he swore that any day his heart really would give out on him.

School was its own brand of torture. His grades had slipped so badly his father hired him a tutor. As always, he was expected to keep up appearances.  

The little drama that played out amongst his classmates was nothing more than background noise to him. Two random guys stuck to him like glue, but he suspected the taller student, Lee Hoon, was only around him because of the smaller student’s, Choi Minjun, sudden interest in Woojin.

On the better days they were annoying at best, and on the worst days they were downright insufferable. But no matter what Woojin did, he couldn’t shake them. They were there at his desk in the morning, right next to him at lunch, and walking alongside him when he left at the end of the day.

Despite this, he refused to call them friends or even acquaintances. They were bothersome.

But they weren’t as bad as the headache. The clingy slime ball that was Han Jiwook did more than annoy Woojin.

He made him angry.

Woojin did as much as he could to avoid Han Jiwook and the little games he played. He knew how he threw his own twin to a pack of wolves because Jiwook invited Woojin to join them.

Choi Minjun was always in on the school gossip and had supplied Woojin with an update on Jiwook’s brother despite him never asking for one.

“Splat!” Minjun smashed his juice carton on Woojin’s desk. It sprayed little droplets of strawberry milk across the desk and on Lee Hoon’s uniform. “I heard his head got smashed up, but Mommy and Daddy Han have the megabucks, y’know? They got some fancy doctors to put humpty dumpty together again and he’s been in a coma ever since.”

Lee Hoon unsuccessfully tried to rub out the stains on his uniform but gave up with a sigh, “Minjun, you say that but Han Jiwook hardly looks like he’s upset by his twin’s condition. Are you sure that rumor’s true?”

Minjun smiled wickedly up at Lee Hoon, making the taller student fidget, “Now, now. Don’t go discrediting my sources. It’s all true. But little Jiwook looks happier than a bee in a pot of honey because he’s the one who started the whole mess. You talked to Siwon before haven’t you? Did he ever seem like the type to throw himself in front of a truck? Hmm?”

Lee Hoon stuttered out an answer but Woojin stood. He’d heard enough. Hearing how Han Siwon obviously tried to end his life made his stomach turn.

Taemin didn’t get a choice. He didn’t try to end his life. It was taken.

He ignored Minjun’s calls to him about where he was going. They had a break but class was starting up again soon so he couldn’t wander off as much as he wanted to. With a sigh, he settled for gazing out the hallway window. Thoughts still on his lover and his classmate.

And yet…look who survived and who didn’t. Life is some really fucked up shit.   

The next day, Woojin walked into school and immediately noticed how much the atmosphere had changed.

There were more hushed whispers in the halls than usual. People still avoided him but even with the wide berth they gave he caught snippets of one name: Han Siwon.

He must have returned. What’s the big deal? These fuckers are all so annoying.

He made it to his classroom, ready to leave as soon as he arrived.

The student at the center of all the gossip was sitting in his seat, looking uncomfortable as Minjun hounded him with questions.

Of course, he’s in my class. Guess I can’t expect today to be a quiet one.

Woojin took his seat and effectively ignored Han Siwon. He could care less to hear anything the boy said.

Clearly, he doesn’t even respect his own life or how precious it is. He’s not worth my time.

Woojin knew how crafty Minjun could be so he tried to quietly head out the door at lunch, but the smaller boy was a mind reader because he was at the door before Woojin could get to it.

“Siwoon! Are you eating outside of the classroom today? Great idea! It’s getting stuffy in here anyway.” Woojin ignored Minjun and kept walking straight ahead. He does whatever he wants anyway. I don’t have the energy to argue with him right now.

Woojin paused when he heard a new voice behind him.

“Oi! Why am I being dragged along?! I told you I don’t want to eat with you losers!”

Woojin turned to look at the shorter student. He was a bit stunned. The boy before him was completely unlike the meek Han Siwon he’d heard of. Although Woojin had never interacted with Siwon directly before the accident, it was clear that he was a weakling and essentially the school punching bag and cum dump.

He had reminded Woojin of himself when he was younger. Woojin was a weak child and easily overpowered. But that’s what Taemin was for. He was Woojin’s strength and what made Woojin stronger when he grew older. Han Siwon didn’t have that. Like many of his classmates, Woojin watched from afar as he was tormented by his own brother and other bullies. Woojin did nothing despite sympathizing with Siwon’s weakness.

But that weak and defeated boy was nowhere to be found in the fired-up eyes in Siwon’s scrawny face.

While Siwon fought off Minjun’s clutches Woojin felt a strange sense of déjà vu. Something about Siwon was fundamentally different. And whatever that different thing was, Woojin felt like it was so familiar. Like it was coded in his DNA and he would recognize it wherever he was.

Their eyes met for a second and Woojin nearly passed out right then from the shock alone.

Those eyes…

Siwon was carted off down the hall after Minjun ordered Lee Hoon to capture him.

They’re the exact same. There’s no way.

Woojin unsteadily followed the three boys to the cafeteria.

Taemin? Is that you?

“Yes! You can’t call me an idiot now!”

Woojin was unperturbed by Siwon’s outburst. He looked at the measly 52/100 scrawled at the top of Siwon’s test. He quickly crumpled up the paper.

“Unacceptable. I refuse to acknowledge that you have more than ten functioning brain cells in that head of yours with that garbage you seem so damn proud of.”

Siwon had an absolute fit in his seat as Woojin tossed the wadded ball back to his desk.

Ah, even his ears are pink. I love when he gets all riled up. So cute.

Siwon uncrumpled the test with tears at the corner of his eyes. He was clearly pouting and Woojin looked on at his classmate fondly.

“You did way better than last time, but let’s gun for a passing grade on the next one, ok?”

Siwon groaned and Woojin held back his laugh.

He had been tutoring the previous honor student for the past month. And Woojin loved every moment of it.

It was like he could breathe again.

Siwon had such a spitfire personality and it rubbed Woojin in all the familiar ways. Anytime he missed Taemin he came to Siwon. Like magic the feeling would vanish and Woojin would be attacked with a nagging feeling in the back of his head.

They’re so much alike…

Just as quickly the thought would come, he’d shrug it off.

Stop with those thoughts, Taemin is gone. Siwon is not him.

Siwon cursed like a sailor when Minjun showed him his test score of 82/100. Woojin cracked a small smile and his heart warmed.

No matter how much he reminds me of him.

Woojin was having a rough night. His brain had been tuned to the Taemin memories station all day and being around Siwon didn’t make it any better.

I just need to go to his place. It’s been so long since I’ve been back there.

Woojin caught the last train and made his way to Taemin’s apartment. Once again, he walked up the many stairs and when he got to Taemin’s floor, he was shocked to see the apartment door was ajar.

What the hell? No one should be in there! I paid the rent and everything! Are they trying to get rid of Taemin’s stuff?!

Woojin flung the door open and was stunned to see Siwon on his knees bawling his eyes out in the foyer.

What the--!

The nagging feeling came back full force and Woojin didn’t hesitate as he called out a name.

“Taemin!”

Siwon’s head snapped up and his eyes lit with recognition at being called his name.

His true name.

Woojin rushed forward and enveloped the smaller boy in his arms. Tears streamed down his face as he begged Taemin.

“Please, please, call me by my name. Please! I know you know it!”

Taemin seemed petrified in Woojin’s arms, but then he melted into the bear hug and with a raspy voice whispered in Woojin’s ear.

“Hey, you shameless bastard. You’re not embarrassed at all sobbing all over me like this? Are you still a complete asshole, Min Woojin?”

Woojin hugged Taemin tighter but yanked them apart to crush his lips against his lover’s. The kiss felt foreign to Woojin, but just right. When they came up for air, Woojin whispered hotly against Taemin’s lips.

“You fucking bet your ass I still am. And I always will be for you, Taemin.”

Chapter Text

Taemin never felt so alive.

Well, I DID die. But somehow, I got a second chance.

And Woojin made him very aware that a second chance was exactly what he had.

After Woojin found him blubbering in his apartment, they held each other all night until they fell asleep. The next morning, Taemin begged Woojin to confirm for him that everything that happened was real. He seemed to be on the verge of a mental breakdown as he fought to confirm that his previous life as Yoon Taemin wasn’t a long sad dream.

Woojin thought it over and then solemnly nodded.

“Let me show you something.”

They skipped school and hopped on the trains. They took clothes from Taemin’s apartment, so they wouldn’t have to wander around in broad daylight wearing their uniforms.

A familiar but foreign scent wafted from the oversized clothes and it made Taemin uncomfortable.

Is this what I used to smell like? This used to be my favorite shirt. Now it’s hanging off my shoulder. And I had to roll up my pants legs just for them to fit right. This is so strange. I know these clothes, wore them hundreds of times. I didn’t think I looked that bad when I wore them then. I look like a total bum now.

Before they left the apartment, Woojin eyed his clothes strangely but said nothing. Taemin was both irritated and glad for his silence.  

The whole situation just seemed like a terrible joke. He wanted to keep pinching himself since he woke up in the hospital, scared and confused. He knew that he didn’t have the best previous life, but it was his life.

He was proud of himself. He was proud of what he did, what he accomplished, what he set out to do.

Waking up in that bed was the worst feeling ever. Once he realized he was no longer himself, it became clear that the entire existence of Yoon Taemin was so miniscule that it could be erased without a moment’s hesitation. And even though Taemin knew that his life had upgraded considerably, on a basic level the knowledge that his former life ended so miserably hurt like hell.

Woojin touched his forearm, “Hey, this is our stop.”

Taemin shook away the dark thoughts and followed Woojin as he led them off the train. Woojin stayed silent as they left the station and walked around a peaceful countryside area. It still had a small town center but farm fields and thick woods could be easily spotted in the distance.

Taemin took in the surroundings and began questioning Woojin, “What is this place?”

Woojin scanned his face and answered simply, “A small village. Their main produce are soybeans and cabbage. This is also the closest train station to where we’re going.”

“Eh?! This isn’t it? Where the hell are you taking me?!”

“Calm down. It’s only about a twenty-minute walk from here. There’s a bus, but I usually like just walking there instead. Don’t worry about anything else.”

Taemin’s face was scrunched up in irritation and disgust, “Hey, bastard! You really haven’t changed a bit! You still never said where we’re going! Answer the damn—Oi! Are you seriously laughing right now?!”

Woojin chuckled warmly and touched Taemin’s cheek. He moved in close so that their breaths were mingling, “Yoon Taemin. How I have missed you. I feel so blessed to have you back.”

Taemin knew his face was flushed red. This damn shameless bastard! Does he not care that we’re in public?!

Woojin’s face inched closer and Taemin reacted without a thought. His smaller hand didn’t cover Woojin’s entire face, but it worked in blocking Woojin’s advance on him.

“E-enough of that! Come on! Take me to this mystery place so we can go get something to eat after, you bastard!”

Taemin sidled around Woojin and continued along the path they had been walking on. Taemin could feel Woojin’s eyes on his back as he led the way.

“Pfft. Taemin. That’s the wrong way.”

Face flushed, Taemin made an about face and stomped past the chuckling Woojin.

Argh! Why was I even glad to see this bastard again?! He does nothing but get on my nerves!

But Taemin knew that was a lie. All this time he was mourning himself and worried that the true Yoon Taemin would be left behind. Everyone except Woojin probably forgot about him.

For that, Taemin was eternally grateful.

They continued along the path in amicable silence until they reached the mystery destination.

Taemin stopped in his tracks and just stared.

“Is this—this isn’t what I think it is. Is it?” He looked to Woojin but was met with a hard and steady gaze.

“This is exactly what it looks like, Taemin.” He turned away and approached the entrance to the cemetery.

What the fuck? Why are we here?

Taemin could feel his heartbeat in his ears as he followed Woojin past the long row of graves towards the mausoleums.

Woojin moved efficiently, as if he’d been here tons of times.

The mausoleums were huge square marble structures with intricate patterns carved into the sides. The middle of each one was open so that visitors could pay their respects to whoever’s ashes resided within each hall.

They stepped inside one and walked towards the end until Woojin stopped before a plaque.

Taemin hesitated but slowly joined Woojin’s side. 

Yoon Taemin

1999-2016

Strong. Kind. Never to be forgotten. Gone too soon.

Taemin felt his knees buckle as he read the inscription on his grave plaque.

Woojin caught him before he fell and gently lowered him to the marble floor.

“I’m sorry, Taemin. I-I thought you might react that way when you saw…saw this. But you wanted to know if everything that happened was real. You wanted to know if you really died or if it was all a shitty dream…It wasn’t…What happened to you was a fucking nightmare. And that feeling of despair, that feeling of utter hopelessness seeing this caused? I felt that every single day since you were ripped away from me.”

Taemin felt slightly dizzy, but listened as Woojin swallowed thickly and continued on, “It still hurts. I’m so glad to have you back now. But when I think back to when I arranged your funeral. When they burned…when they—when you were turned into ashes. When I realized that I would never see you again, I fell apart. I remember how much it nearly destroyed me to be away from you. So, when you asked if all this was real, I thought you were joking.”

Woojin slipped his arms around Taemin’s middle and buried his face against his back, “Didn’t you feel the pain in my heart? Didn’t you hear me calling your name over and over? Didn’t you see me become an empty shell? Unable to live life without you? The worst thing that could ever happen to me happened and I was planning on soon joining you.”

Taemin’s heart had melted as Woojin talked about everything he did once he died but a vein of ice slipped through when he heard Woojin’s last words.

He twisted in Woojin’s arms and tried to see his face, but Woojin held firm, “I thought you were mocking everything I had been through by asking if it was real. I thought you already knew about the torture I went through and since your old body is here, I thought you knew where I would take you. But you didn’t…and I’m sorry for making you experience something so terrible.”

Taemin could feel wet spots on his back and knew they were Woojin’s tears.

“Hey. Are you done?”

Woojin’s hold tightened and then loosened. Taemin slipped from his hold and turned so he could look at Woojin face to face.

Woojin had covered his face with both hands but Taemin tugged them away, “Look at me.”

Woojin’s watery eyes looked up and met his.

That’s enough. What’s done is done. My body is certainly gone.

Taemin leaned forward and kissed Woojin gently. Shocked, Woojin sat still but slowly melted under Taemin’s lips. When he went to deepen it, Taemin pulled back and stood up. He held a hand out to Woojin, “Let’s go. I’m starving.”

A tear rolled down Woojin’s cheek but Taemin swiped it away with his thumb. Woojin pressed his cheek into Taemin’s hand and softly muttered, “Okay.”

But I’m still here. By his side.

Taemin was just trying to live his best life. Literally.

After the cemetery visit, it put life in a whole new light for him. He was still dumber than a box of rocks, but he made the most of his school life. He was present at nearly every school event, tried as much new food as he could with his significant amount of pocket money, and never hesitated to treat himself.

Even though YOLO didn’t really apply to him, he didn’t want to be wasteful if it turned out to be ‘You Only Live Twice’.

With almost everything he did, Woojin was at his side. For the most part he was grateful. Because Woojin knew who he really was, he helped Taemin navigate the ins and outs of fancy restaurants and buying luxury items. His long arms were also great for holding shopping bags when they went out to the stores.

And since he also had way more money, Taemin allowed the taller teen to splurge on him whenever he wanted. (YOLT!)

But since the cemetery visit, Taemin noticed that something had changed with his companion. He was essentially the same, but also distant. While he never turned down the opportunity to be around Taemin, sometimes it felt like he mentally checked out when they were together.

Whenever Taemin asked him questions or just tried to talk with him, his answers were short and clipped. And he never started any of their conversations.

Taemin almost wished that Woojin didn’t know who he really was. Woojin might treat him better.

The sudden personality change made Taemin feel like an insignificant background character in Woojin’s life.

It was strange and Taemin honestly didn’t know what else to do.

Crap. I’m not good with this kinda stuff. Maybe the bastard is constipated? Should I get him some laxatives?

He had been thinking about what ailed Woojin during their free period when Minjun threw himself across his desk.

“Watcha thinking about Siwon? Don’t try too hard! You might hurt yourself!” Minjun cackled at his own joke.

Taemin just glared at him. Wait, these guys are Woojin’s friends, right? Maybe they’d know…

Woojin had left earlier to buy them snacks, so it was the perfect time to question the strange duo. He asked Minjun and Lee Hoon if they thought Woojin was acting weird lately and gave a few examples of what behavior he’d witnessed.

Taemin finished and looked between the two, “Haven’t you guys noticed it?”

Minjun put a hand on his chin as if he was thinking hard, “Hmmmm. Let’s see. He’s moody and not that talkative?”

“Yeah.”

“Doesn’t shoo you away, but doesn’t beckon you to his side?”

“Yup!”

“Still gives you crap when you show him your abysmal test scores? Or better yet, hardly reacts at all?”

“Exactly! You definitely know what I’m talking about!”

Minjun snapped his fingers and pointed at Taemin, “Nope. Not at all. I literally just described exactly how he’s acted since you’ve returned. I see no change at all, Siwon.”

Taemin just stared at the evil little elvish creature before him. “You fucking suck. Never mind. Just ignore anything I’ve said.”

Minjun laughed at Taemin’s reaction but stopped pestering him when Woojin returned.

Minjun wagged his eyebrows at Woojin, “Someone is feeling a bit lonely Siwoon. You better get your man before another one does!”

Taemin tried to strangle the tiny devil but was blocked by Lee Hoon.

Woojin looked over at Taemin, “What’s all this about, Siwon?”

Taemin stiffened and blushed deeply, “N-nothing! Fucking Minjun is just making up shit as always!”

Woojin looked to Minjun, “Hey, leave him alone. You know he gets flustered easily.”

Minjun looked offended, “Hah?! I didn’t make up anything! If anything, Siwon was the one who brought up all these weird moments he had been stalking you!”

Taemin railed in Lee Hoon’s hold. “Did not!”

Lee Hoon seemed unfazed by Taemin’s sudden movements and calmly added his two cents, “Taemin did bring you up to both me and Minjun. He seemed really concerned about you.”

Minjun huffed, “Ha! See? I would never lie over some good juicy drama!”

Woojin was quiet. Taemin looked in his direction and shuddered.

Pale eyes looked back to him, questioning.

Taemin felt backed into a corner, like a hunted wild animal.

All three were quiet.

Waiting for him to explain himself.

He felt sweat drip down his spine as the eyes bored into him.

Suddenly he bucked forward and sprang out of Lee Hoon’s hold, “Back off you bastard!”

He quickly ran towards the door, “I gotta go take a dump!”

He tried to sprint all the way to the bathroom, but his weak body gave out before his will did.

When he reached the empty bathroom, he leaned on one of the sinks as he caught his breath.

Damn. I didn’t even run that far. This body really sucks.

The thought caused Taemin to pause and look down at himself. While he appreciated Woojin never forgetting him, he wondered if Woojin appreciated what Taemin could offer.

He ran a hand over his scrawny chest and his miniscule bicep. He felt like a weight sat on his shoulders as it dawned on him.

Back then, I practically had to beat that bastard off my dick with a stick. Girls too. But now…

He looked at his skinny face in the mirror.

He squirmed. Truly uncomfortable in the skin he was in.

Dejected, he turned away from the bathroom mirrors and walked into the hallway. His shoulders slumped as he trudged off to his classroom.

That’s probably why he doesn’t want to stick around. Who’d be interested in a frail, pale, loser like me?

Taemin clicked through his email but felt his pride slip further away with every click.

WANNA GET BUFF? THEN YOU NEED THIS STUFF!

Are you alone? Do you wish to be surrounded by hot chicks? It’s not your personality, it’s your body!!!

SALE~~~SALE~~~SALE! PENIS ENHANCERS 50% OFF!!!

Taemin groaned at the last one and closed the tab.

“Ugh. What am I doing? This is so lame.”

His heart squeezed as he thought about his own actions.

That guy had the highest sex drive I’d ever seen. I was dead for a few months and I doubt he started doing things with someone else. He’s got to be pent up. Maybe if I can just rub him off, he’ll go back to normal?

Taemin reached for his phone and quickly texted Woojin.

Oi. Bastard.

The reply was immediate.

Yes, Taemin?

Let me come over today. I’ve never been to your place.

Taemin’s heart hammered in his chest as he waited for a reply.

Sure. Come over whenever you’d like. I’m here.

He let out a breath and grabbed his jacket from desk chair.

“Can’t turn back now.”

Woojin’s apartment pissed Taemin off.

“Why is it so fucking huge?! Ugh! Unfair!”

Woojin’s eyes followed Taemin as he stomped around his place.

“You’ve been raging against my furniture and design choices for the past twenty minutes now. Is there something that you needed, Taemin?”

Taemin froze over the kitchen appliances he was glaring at and sputtered a response, “U-ugh, I-I need--!”

Shit! This fucker’s place was so dazzling I got distracted. Get back on track!

Taemin shoved past Woojin, “I need to see your room! It’s gotta be just as tacky as the rest of the place!”

Woojin slowly followed after him but said nothing.

Once they entered Woojin’s bedroom, Taemin fought hard to keep his composure.

W-wait. What do I do now? I’ve never had to actually do anything to get my dick wet. This bastard would just throw himself at me.

Woojin sat on the edge of his bed and Taemin looked around the sparse room while his mind raced.

Ugh! Who needs to think about these things?! I’ve seen enough shit in movies and porn. He’ll be turned on instantly.

Taemin walked up right in front of Woojin and slowly took off his jacket. He tried to hood his eyes and look sexy as he removed the piece of clothing, but his left arm got trapped when he tried to slip it off.

His sultry ‘look’ turned into one of his patented glares and Woojin watched him fight the jacket off with a concerned look on his face.

“Taemin? Is everything all right? You seem especially irritated today.”

Damn! The strip tease didn’t work. I knew I should have practiced!

Taemin barked an “I’m fine!” at a confused Woojin and began phase two of seducing his former lover.

I think I can still make the strip tease work. Maybe he needs to see a little more skin?

He began to fan himself, “Actually, I’m not fine! It’s really hot in here! Don’t you agree?”

Woojin opened his mouth to respond, but Taemin was already whipping his sweater over his head. He tried to toss it across the room, but his hand-eye coordination sucked in his new body.

The discarded sweater landed square in Woojin’s face, making Taemin even more flustered.

“Ah-ah, my h-hand slipped--”

He was interrupted by Woojin’s muffled voice, “What the hell.”

Woojin pulled the sweater off his face, his eyes sharp.

Ack! He looks mad!

Woojin had Taemin in his sights. Clearly, the jig was up, but Taemin was determined to seduce his man.

I’ve got one last trick up my sleeve! I’ve got to use THAT! If it doesn’t work, this poor body will never get laid!

Taemin made eye contact with Woojin, letting all their surroundings fade into the background. He felt his heart beat fast as he looked into the pale orbs. His steps were heavy and measured as he moved in on Woojin. He stuck both hands out on opposite sides of Woojin’s head and leaned in close so that their breath was mingling…But then he lost his balance and fell over on him.

Oh shit. I forgot you need a wall to do a ‘kabe-don’. All my efforts failed. He must think I’m a total loser now.

Woojin caught Taemin before he could tumble further on him. He steadied him and stood with his hands like vices around Taemin’s wrists.

Throughout the entire embarrassing debacle, they miraculously maintained eye contact. Woojin’s eyes were dark with trouble and confusion as he questioned Taemin.

“What the hell are you doing? You’re acting so strange Taemin. Tell me what’s going on. Is this a strange bet or something between you and Minjun?”

Taemin’s response was immediate, “S-strange?! I’m the strange one?! Why don’t you take a look in a mirror you irritating bastard! The only strange person here is you!”

Taemin struggled in Woojin’s hold, but without success. The taller teen’s grip was strong.

“I don’t see how any of my behavior is strange. You’re the one that suddenly wanted to come over. You’re the one that began undressing in my room and falling over…people…”

Woojin trailed off as it seemed a light went on in his head. Taemin blushed furiously as Woojin put the pieces together, “Taemin. Were you trying to…entice me?”

Taemin’s face got even redder as he tried to shake off Woojin’s hands, “Yeah, so what?! It’s not like it worked! Let me grab my stuff and I’ll just go home. Arghh! Let go!”

Woojin did not let go. Taemin stopped when he saw the look on Woojin’s face.

It held an incredibly sad expression.

It made Taemin even angrier.

“Are you deaf, you idiot?! Let me the fuck go! I can tell you’re not interested so let me at least leave with my pride.”

Woojin gasped, “What are you saying? I’m interested. I’m more than interested--!”

“Then why the fuck do you have that sad ass look on your face? What, did someone take your candy? It’s not just now that you have that mopey expression. I see it damn near every time you look at me!”

Taemin waited for an explanation. But Woojin just stared at him silently, his eyes still troubled and gloomy.

Taemin tried to pull out of his hold again, “Fuck! Seriously, Woojin. Let me go. I refuse to hang around a person when I know my presence isn’t wanted.”

“No, no it’s wanted! It’s just—it’s not your presence, it’s mine!”

Taemin stopped struggling, “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!”

Woojin sighed, “It means, even though I want to be around you. All the time. So much that it hurts. I don’t need to be around you.”

Taemin froze and just glared at Woojin.

“What the fuck. Does. That. Mean?!”

Woojin refused to meet his eyes, and still looked like a kicked puppy.

Taemin pushed against his solid chest, “I deserve an explanation to that shit reasoning Woojin because I do not follow your shitty logic!”

Woojin responded immediately, “You shouldn’t waste your second chance on me!”

“Huh?!”

“You can literally go off and get any person you wanted. A chick with huge boobs and a cute face. Even a plain girl that just wants to settle down and have a family. Any other option leaves you better off than with me.”

Taemin slowly shook his head, his voice was quiet, “What are you saying?”

Woojin finally met Taemin’s eyes, “I’m saying…You don’t need to force yourself to stay by my side.”

Taemin couldn’t control his jaw, he was sure it was on Woojin’s floor somewhere because he couldn’t believe what just came out of this fucker’s mouth.

As the silence stretched on, Taemin picked up his jaw and raged against the idiotic things Woojin said.

“Are you fucking shitting me right now?! After everything we went through, after my death?! How the hell were you able to spout complete nonsense after all that?!”

Woojin opened his mouth to respond, but Taemin yanked him forward by his collar. He was standing on his tiptoes to meet his gaze, but he was too angry to be embarrassed about it.

“Shut your trap! I don’t think I can withstand hearing more bullshit fall out of it.” Woojin looked away from Taemin but was yanked forward again by the shorter man.

“Listen up, you bastard. I’ll only say this once, so you better listen. Look at me!”

Woojin’s eyes snapped to his and he took a deep breath, “I-uh. I never told you this but…”

Taemin looked all over the room before meeting Woojin’s eyes again. He had fully captured the taller man’s interest now.

Should I really tell him this? Will he be able to accept what I’m gonna say?

Taemin took a deep breath and continued, voice soft and low, “…When. When I was gone—when I was in that dark place…I had no idea what was going on, but I knew my life was over.”

Taemin grit his teeth.

Argh. Fucking say it already. You’ve already gotten this far!

Time seemed to stand still as the boys’ eyes met and Taemin confessed his biggest secret.

“I knew it was over and I accepted it!”

Woojin’s eyes grew wide, but Taemin continued on, “I didn't fight like you told me to! I didn't try to hang on! I let go because I was tired and thought that no matter what I do, this would always be the result.”

Woojin looked increasingly horrified as Taemin pushed on, “I was a proud lowlife scraping by and knew that I would probably be doing that for my entire life. I was nothing and I hated that I tied you down.”

Woojin finally spoke up, “Taemin! You're not a lowlife!”

Taemin stepped back and released Woojin’s collar so he could cover his face with his hands, “I know! That's how I felt about myself! But you never thought of me like that. You always thought my life had worth.”

The room fell into a heavy silence. Neither of them moved for several moments. Taemin scrubbed his hands down his face a sat down on the edge of Woojin’s bed.

His cracked and hollow voice broke the silence, “Woojin, I didn't come back because I wanted to just live. You brought me back. I'm here right now because of you.”

Woojin’s eyes rimmed with tears as the words fell from Taemin’s mouth. So Taemin rushed to say the other things on his mind, “A-And I know my body isn't even remotely close to what it was before... But I've been looking into gyms that help guys beef up... And hey bastard! Why are you laughing?!”

Woojin kneeled before Taemin, chuckling softly while catching a tear that escaped down his cheek, “Ugh. I don’t know if I should laugh or cry.”

He grabbed Taemin’s hand and kissed the palm and then wrapped his arms around Taemin.

Taemin was confused by the odd behavior, “W-What the hell are you doing?!”

Woojin squeezed Taemin harder, “Hugging you.”

Taemin tried to untangle himself and failed, “I see that. But, why?!”

Woojin rubbed his cheek against Taemin’s, “Because if I don’t, I’ll probably burst into tears.”

“Gross!”

“It’s all your fault, Taemin. I can’t believe all those things you told me. Were you saying what I think you were saying? It feels like you were trying to propose.”

Taemin wiggled harder in Woojin’s arms, “Ah! No! I-I’m just trying---arghh! Why are you being an idiot when I'm trying to be nice?!”

Woojin released his hold but still kept firm hold of Taemin’s hands, “Sorry, sorry. I'm just so happy, plus you're so easy to tease.”

Taemin was getting pissed, “Well, how about you knock it off, huh?! Is this how you treat all your house guests? You shitty host.”

Woojin chuckled and captured Taemin’s lips. Since Taemin had been pouting, he worked to get him to open up. But once he did, Woojin deepened it and soon the room filled with soft gasps and tongues mashing together.  

Taemin welcomed the sudden make out session. This is the Woojin I know for sure. I guess I really didn’t need to do all that extra stuff then.

Things started getting heavy when Woojin nipped and kissed down Taemin’s throat.

He stopped once he reached his shoulder but raised his head and whispered in Taemin’s ear.  

“Thank you, Taemin. Allowing me back into your life is the best gift I’ve ever received.”

Taemin blushed, but responded to his lover’s heartfelt words, “Woojin, there would be no point to me coming back if you couldn't be by my side.”

Woojin teared up again. He claimed Taemin’s mouth before hotly whispering against his mouth, “I love you so much, Taemin.”

Taemin blushed harder but haltingly replied in kind, “I-I love you too.”

The words seemed to be enough to trigger lust in both boys. Their kissing turned frantic and desperate.

Eager for relief, Taemin pushed Woojin down on the bed. Woojin had a dazed look on his face but was still able to pull Taemin’s sweat pants and boxers down. Taemin kicked them off, but before he could lean over Woojin, he was stopped by the look on his lover’s face.

“W-what? What’s wrong?”

Woojin sat up and stared at Taemin’s junk.

“...That's all?”

Taemin turned beet red. Everywhere. “L-look I didn't ask for this body!!!”

Woojin hurriedly kissed him, “Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. But maybe we can switch positions for once, yeah?”

Taemin was utterly flabbergasted. He immediately denied Woojin’s suggestion, “I’m in no way a bottom!!! You know this better than I do!”

Woojin’s eyes flashed with lust, “Oh, I sure do. But, babe, no offense, I’m not sure if your body is top material. Let’s just try having you bottom and if you don’t like it, we can switch.”

Taemin didn’t like it one bit. But it was hard to argue with Woojin when ‘pencil dick’ quite accurately described his new genitals. After some more cajoling from Woojin, Taemin eventually agreed to at least give it a shot.

Woojin had to promise Taemin several times that he would not ‘break his ass’. And for the most part, he stayed true to that promise.

He still had to dodge a kick from Taemin when he started poking around his ass.

“Babe, just relax ok? We’re trying to have sex, remember? Not start a wrestling match.”

Taemin grunted as he felt Woojin’s fingers ghost his asshole, “I’m trying! Just give me time.”

Woojin did just that. He used an excessive amount of lube and spent nearly half an hour working Taemin open.

He made sure to check in on Taemin every time he added a finger. Once he was able to get three in and Taemin didn’t try to attack him, he worked on making his man feel good.

“You feel so hot inside Taemin.” Woojin leaned down and kissed Taemin’s knee as the loud squelching sounds between Taemin’s legs filled the room.

“Ungh--! S-shut up! When are you gonna—ah! P-put it in? Uh!”

Woojin could no longer deny the raging erection in his pants, “Are you ready for me? You sure?”

Taemin glared at him before Woojin thrust his fingers in again. Whatever angry words Taemin had for him turned into a choked moan. He was definitely ready.

Woojin unzipped his pants and tugged them down, too eager to get inside Taemin to completely undress. When he pulled his fingers out of Taemin, the smaller man shuddered and watched Woojin’s hands with sultry eyes.

There was more than enough lube on his fingers to cover his own dick. After he finished lubing up, he aligned himself in between Taemin’s legs and pushed the head against his opening.

It fluttered against him, Taemin’s lust and nerves apparent.

Woojin placed a soft kiss on Taemin’s lips as his dick began to press against the band of muscle.

“Hah! W-Woojin! Umph, gentle!”

Woojin kissed all over Taemin’s face as he struggled to take him all in. He went as slow as possible and tears gathered at Taemin’s side as his body adjusted to Woojin’s size. Woojin started doing shallow, slow thrusts. His arms shaking as he forced himself to hold back.

Taemin appreciated his effort.

Huh, it’s not actually that bad.

Woojin stopped his small thrusts and Taemin’s legs immediately wrapped around his waist, “Why’d you stop?! It felt good.”

Woojin smiled down at his lover, “Can I start to really move now then?”

Taemin swallowed but nodded.

Woojin kissed him slow and languid, which is why Taemin was caught off guard when Woojin shoved his entire length in all at once.

The bed began to rattle in time with Woojin’s powerful thrusts and all Taemin could do was hold on to any surface. The headboard. The sheets. Woojin’s shoulders. Anything to ground him as Woojin fucked him into oblivion.

In between snapping his hips back and forth, Woojin also rubbed Taemin’s dick. Each time his thumb circled Taemin’s slit, he would moan and Woojin would pull out a chorus of more moans by hitting a spot deep inside Taemin.

They were deep in the throes of passion when Woojin grabbed Taemin’s hand and once again proclaimed his love.

High from the sex and emotions, Taemin came all over his chest and stomach. His orgasm squeezed Woojin tight and soon he came with a breathy moan.

Spent, Woojin toppled onto Taemin. Their heavy breaths filled the room. Woojin was the first to speak.

“Oh, god. That was fucking amazing.”

Taemin still gasped for air but simply nodded in agreement.

Woojin slowly pulled out and it triggered groans from both of them.

Woojin walked to his bathroom and returned to clean them up with a wet washcloth.

Afterwards they snuggled in silence. Taemin didn’t mind it.

They had already said everything they needed to say.

Taemin woke abruptly in the middle of the night. At first, he was confused.

W-where am I? Did I die again?! Is this a hospital?!

Then he realized that he had strong arms surrounding him. Holding him close.

He remembered where he was.

He remembered the night they shared together.

The words they confessed to the other. Taemin sighed and snuggled closer to Woojin.

So, this is what it feels like. To be loved.