Chapter Text
the first time they kissed was nothing like the movies. the big screen always made it seem so magical, with fireworks and sparkles and love, love, love. but that's not how it went for tyler and josh.
they had just finished a show, a small one that ended up being only three songs long before they got pulled off of the stage by the bar owner, telling them that no one was listening anyways and that they could pack up and go home. of course, they had been naive enough to drive four hours for a show that only thirty people showed up to and it was way too late at night to drive home. money was an issue, so getting into a hotel or even a motel was out of the question.
"maybe we should just sleep in the van?"
it was josh who had suggested it, always optimistic and trying to find a way to fix things. tyler sighed, not really feeling like spending a night in the van in the middle of january with snow still falling from the sky, but exhaustion won over stubbornness and he agreed as they packed the last things into the old car.
the feeling of defeat and hopelessness hung heavy in the air around the duo as they crawled into the van and started to search their bags for anything warm. tyler settled on a hoodie that was at least two sizes too big for him - somewhere in the back of his tired mind he vaguely remembered that it was josh's shirt, but he couldn't bring himself to care. he kept his pants and socks on for extra warmth even though he knew that his legs would be sore the next morning.
josh dressed in a onesie that he had kept hidden at the very bottom of his bag, not really caring that tyler saw him in it. it was warm and snuggly and probably the most awesome piece of clothing that he owned, being sewn from a galaxy printed fabric with pictures of kittens and pizza thrown in here and there. they managed to find an old blanket under the drivers seat and even though it was small and thin, they agreed on sharing it, hoping that it would provide some warmth.
with that, the both of them got as comfortable as they could in the small space of the van, laying back to back with the blanket over their legs and feet.
josh was warmer than tyler right from the start. where their backs pressed together tyler could feel the other's warmth and crawled closer to get more of it. he was almost certain that the drummer was asleep, judging by his calm breathing and relaxed limbs, so tyler took the opportunity and slowly slipped his feet onto josh's legs, trying to warm his aching toes.
"dude, you're freezing!" josh squeaked, startling his friend.
"you're warm," tyler defended his actions, pressing more of his feet on the other.
"yeah, well," josh huffed, annoyed and tired, "i would like to keep my warmth, thank you very much."
he pulled his legs away, leaving tyler's feet to the cold air once again. tyler whined high in his throat and stole all of the blanket instead, making his feet and lower legs into a burrito.
"really?" josh grunted tiredly as he turned around so that he was facing tyler's neck.
"i might lose a toe to frostbite josh, we can't have a singer with nine toes in our band."
tyler could practically feel josh roll his eyes behind his back and he knew that he was acting childish, but his mood was already on a low point after the horrible show and the lack of sleep and warmth wasn't helping. he closed his eyes and ignored the way his nose stung with every breath of cold air, trying to count his own heartbeats to prevent his mind from wandering too far. his body was aching already, lower back sore from sitting in a car all day and shoulders stiff from unloading all of their stuff only to load them back in thirty minutes later. his fingers and toes stung uncomfortably when he wiggled them and he found himself clenching his jaw from being too tense.
"you are such a baby," josh mumbled into the darkness of the van as he threw one arm around tyler's small frame.
tyler wasn't that fond of physical contact and tensed up for a moment, but the body heat radiating from the other man was convincing enough for him to scoot back, pressing his back to the others chest. josh rubbed his hand up and down tyler's arm, creating warmth from the friction.
"am i gonna be stuck in a band with one of those obnoxious lead singers?" the drummer mumbled.
"well, if you're gonna be like that you're out of the band."
"fine, then you're out of the band too."
"fine."
"fine."
the duo quieted down after that, both of them too tired and too irritated. they both knew that they would end up fighting for real if they kept talking. josh, even though feeling annoyed, kept rubbing tyler's arm and held him close. with a defeated sigh, the singer turned around so that they were facing each other and just stared at the other for a second before gently pushing his chest.
he could vaguely see josh wrinkle his forehead in confusion but just kept pushing until the drummer was on his back. tyler laid his head down on his chest with his arm thrown over his stomach, giving josh what little warmth he had. josh put one arm under tyler's neck and the other over his hip, holding him. if it weren't for the fact that they were really good friends, it would've probably been awkward.
"hey josh?" tyler whispered, listening to the drummers heart.
josh hummed quietly.
"i just got thrown out of my band... do you wanna start a new one?"
he could hear the drummer grin, the sound of his lips separating, and josh tightened his grip around the other's smaller frame.
"yeah man, lets show those guys that we are ten times better," josh agreed and tyler giggled, relaxing now that the tense air around them fell into comfortable calmness, "what should we be called?"
"twenty one pilots, spelled out," tyler replied in a heartbeat.
"wasn't there another band called that?" josh asked.
"yeah but those guys sucked, we are so much cooler."
josh full on laughed at that, his chest jumping up and down and shaking tyler's head. the singer popped himself up on an elbow and looked at his bandmate in the darkness. his eyes had adjusted a little bit by now and he could see the outline of josh's face, lips pulled up in a smile and eyes open and staring right back at him.
"josh," tyler began, awkwardly pausing to take a deep breath, "thank you for not giving up on this band. i know it sucks to be kicked out from a gig and to play in front of people who don't listen, but i really believe in us, i know deep in my bones that we can make it, we just have to push through."
he felt josh squeeze his waist a little tighter and couldn't help but blush.
"you don't have to thank me ty, i believe in this just as much as you do," he reassured, "and if it makes you feel any better, i always listen."
tyler smiled and laid back down on the other's chest, sighing tiredly and snuggling into the secure hold josh had on him. usually tyler would never allow someone to hold him like this, he didn't like touching in general, and whenever someone hugged him or held him, he felt trapped and claustrophobic. but it was different with josh. the drummer was so gentle, not only with the way he held him, but his entire personality was mild and kind and he made tyler feel safe.
"i'm glad you wanted to join a band with a loser," tyler whispered into the cold air, earning himself a little squeeze from the drummer.
"i'm glad you wanted a loser on your band," josh mumbled, breath hitting the top of tyler's head.
they were quiet for a few more minutes, neither of them able to sleep on the uncomfortable floor of the van and both of them moving around to try and find a better position. they ended up laying face to face, hugging each other loosely. tyler studied the other's face, memorising the curve of his eyebrows, the way his lips separated by themselves when he relaxed his jaw and how much his facial hair had grown over the short time the two of them had been playing shows together. if anyone were to tell you that tyler envied the drummer's ability to grow a beard he would aggressively deny it.
he was so caught up in exploring josh's face that he didn't even notice when the other opened his eyes. tyler thanked his lucky star that it was too dark for josh to see him blush over being caught staring.
"can i ask you something?" josh whispered.
they had only been playing together for a couple of months but knew each other well, so tyler was confused when josh asked permission, that usually meant that it was personal or weird. he nodded as a nonverbal answer.
"what are you?"
tyler raised his eyebrows, confused.
"n-no wait," josh stuttered, suddenly shy and nervous, "i didn't... i meant like, what are you, as in... sexual orientation?"
"oh", tyler blinked dumbly.
where was this coming from?
"i don't know, bi, i guess?"
"you guess?" josh questioned.
"yeah, i mean, i've only ever had girlfriends, but i'm single now so obviously that hasn't worked out for me, you know?," tyler shrugged, "i don't really think a persons sex should stand in the way for you to like them."
josh hummed at that and turned to lay on his back, looking up at the dirty ceiling with his lips firmly pressed together in thought. tyler placed his head back on his chest.
"are... is that a problem for you?" tyler asked, suddenly feeing self-conscious.
what if josh was grossed out now? what if he was angry at tyler for keeping that fact of himself from him? what if he left the band? thoughts of doubt flooded tyler's mind in the form of anxiety and he felt his palms start to sweat. this was a bad idea, bad, bad, bad. now he would be without a band again. making it work with two people was hard, but doing it alone? that was impossible!
"please don't be weirded out."
the words and the way they were said matched tyler's thoughts so perfectly that it surprised him that it didn't come from his mouth, but from josh's. the singer blinked, even more confused now.
"what? why would i-,"
"-because i'm gay and i find you really attractive and all i can think about is what it would feel like to kiss you and i wanna keep holding you like this every night but i'm scared that you'll kick me out of the band for real and i don't know what to do," josh interrupted, babbling fast and stumbling over his words.
it turned quiet as the both of them digested exactly what josh had blurted out, the only sound being their breathing and heartbeats. tyler could feel josh's heart through his chest where his head rested, beating too fast and too hard.
"just do it then," tyler finally said into the darkness.
josh tensed under him.
"what?"
"you said that you wanted to kiss me, right? so kiss me."
"tyler, i didn't... i want to kiss you, but i want you to want it too."
tyler sat up, using his hands to show josh to do the same. they were sitting cross-legged across from each other, both with their hands on their knees. tyler reached up and flicked on the light, spreading a warm glow into the van. the light wasn't strong enough to blind them, but it let them actually see each other as they talked about this.
"do you really find me attractive?" tyler asked.
"very much."
josh's answer was confident, leaving no room for argument. tyler ducked his head shyly and blushed, feeing his stomach do a flip out of excitement.
"and..." he trailed off a little, scratching the back of his neck as he lifted his head again to look at the drummer, "you wanna kiss me?"
josh looked just as nervous as tyler felt. he was playing with the sleeve of his onesie, foot tapping anxiously against the floor and tyler was almost certain that the older man was blushing. he nodded.
"kiss me then."
"tyler i'm not gonna kiss you if you don't-."
"- i want you to kiss me josh."
tyler was attacked. well, almost at least. josh threw himself forward and crashed their lips together as if he had waited for the moment to come all his life. it was strange at first; tyler had never kissed a guy before and even though the lips felt the same as a girls, the gentle scratch from josh's cheek did not. but it wasn't bad, actually, it was good. really good.
after the first couple of seconds josh calmed down enough to move more gently, carefully taking tyler's lower lip in between his own, tongue sticking out to ask for permission to enter. tyler let him and suddenly the child-friendly kiss turned into a not-so-child-friendly make out session.
josh tasted nice, sweet and minty from the gum he had been chewing an hour ago and he was a good kisser. his normally shy and gentle persona turned into something more dominant and josh took control over the situation, hand gripping tyler's neck firmly. tyler, who usually was the one to take charge between the two, was surprised but not in a bad way. the feeling of josh's strong hands around him was comforting and the drummer led the way with such confidence, tyler couldn't do anything but follow.
josh pressed forward, standing over tyler slightly and making him lean his head back as he deepened the kiss, licking over the other's tongue. tyler raised his hands to josh's chest, feeling the other's heart drum just as fast as his own against his fingertips.
they slowly parted, both sitting back again and just blinked at each other for a moment. the air around them that had been cold minutes ago now felt too hot. tyler's lips glistened in the light, pouty and pink and josh wanted nothing more than to kiss him again.
"was... was it okay?" josh asked nervously, bottom lip caught between white teeth.
right then and there, he was probably the most beautiful thing tyler had ever seen.
"it was amazing," he said, voice quiet and raspy, "could you do it again?"
and josh did. and after that they kept lazily making out until they were both too tired to keep their eyes open and finally fell asleep.
even though it was too cold and the floor of the van was uncomfortable and dirty, and even though josh was in a galaxy-kitty-pizza onesie and tyler was wrapped in a dirty, old blanket, it was the best kiss they had ever had before.