Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was another one of these situations where he had to make a crucial decision in a matter of seconds. And Dean couldn’t help but think that these situations were the best and worst at the same time.

Best because they always came up in the middle of a battle and few things if not nothing made one Dean Winchester feel more alive than the heat of the moment of a fight.

And worst because without fail it meant that something in their planning went wrong and the lives of his loved ones were on the line, depending on him making the right choice. It already was bad when it was only Sam and him but now it was Cas, Sam and him and it was indefinitely more difficult because at times he had to choose who to save first and hope that the other would make it through on his own or at least hold on until he could help.

Yeah, battle decisions were difficult for Dean Winchester but right at that moment there was no question about it. A quick assessment of the situation told him that Cas was heavily engaged in fighting two of the demons they had been hunting but the newly ex-angel-now-hunter looked like he had everything under control.

Sam on the other hand –still not completely on top of his game, although he tried to tell Dean otherwise- was in trouble when suddenly a third demon appeared behind him in addition to the two he fought already. Without so much of a blink Dean pushed the angel blade through the chest of his own opponent and whirled around.

“SAMMY!”  he yelled, rushing to his brother’s side to help him. It distracted the newly arrived demon for a split second and moved her attention to Dean which was good but not for long.

Before the hunter knew it, he was yanked from his feet and flying through the room. “Oh shit!” was the last thing that left his lips when he hit the wall full force and everything went black.

~~~**~~~

The day before…

“Okay, so what do we know?” Dean asked, taking a big bite out of his burger.

They were about two hours away from their home in the bunker, having dinner at some local burger joint. Cas was sitting next to him, happily eating his fries and nursing his chocolate milkshake while Sam hadn’t even touched his Caesar’s salad yet. Good thing that his rabbit food couldn’t get cold.

For a moment Dean marvelled at the blissful expression on Cas’ face. It hadn’t been that long since he lost his Grace and everything but after the initial rough couple of weeks he adapted pretty well to life as a human und started to enjoy it, discovering new things daily.

The elder Winchester couldn’t deny that he found the sometimes childlike curiosity of his friend absolutely adorable and amusing although Cas wasn’t half as clueless as he would have thought. Living alongside the Winchesters for years before had paid off obviously.

Even more amusing -and with pride- was the fact that Cas was eating fries in the first place. That particular quirk started a couple of weeks after Dean deemed Sam well enough again and Cas ready for hunting. More often than not they ate at diners. Most of the time Cas hadn’t finished his burger that Dean ordered for him but the hunter hadn’t thought too much about it since his friend was still getting the hang of feeding himself regularly. That was until one day he stopped Dean mid-order and chose a big plate of fries which he devoured in a matter of minutes.

To say that Dean had been surprised would’ve been a major understatement which led to him asking and Cas’ sheepish confession that he didn’t like the taste of the burgers anymore since he had a taste of Dean’s burgers. Seemed like he spoiled his burger tastebuds so much that Cas never ate burgers outside of the bunker anymore. That surely had been the best compliment ever.

It took Sam a minute to look away from his laptop screen. They started their journey after Sam mentioned a couple of obvious demon attacks and that alone was reason enough for Dean. But now that they had arrived, he figured they needed a bit more information.

“Well as I said, there were a couple of obvious demon attacks around here. I’ve checked the locations of the attacks and they all were close to the warehouse district of the city.”

Thoughtfully Dean chewed his bite, raising an eyebrow.

“That sounds a bit too obvious for my taste. I mean, some of these demons surely aren’t the brightest bulbs of the lot but that pretty much reeks of trap.”

Sam sighed, finally taking the first bite of his dinner.

“I know, Dean. That’s the first thing I thought when I found the case but a lot of innocent people died already and even if it’s a trap we should stop them.”

“Yeah, true.”

“Also,” Cas said. “Now that we established that this probably is a trap, we know that we have to be careful and look out for more dangerous things. It’s not much of an advantage but it’s something. Because I agree with Sam, we have to stop the killings of innocent people.”

“Yeah because knowing that we’re walking into a trap with open eyes did us any good before…” Dean snorted but added defensively after being subjected to two similar unimpressed glares. “Don’t look at me like that, I’m just saying, it’s not like I’m disagreeing or something. I’m all for ganking these sons of bitches. For some reason, judging by our track record, I just doubt that being careful alone will help us here. But yeah, so where do we find them?”

Sam nodded. There wasn’t anything he could say to that. Dean was right. It wouldn’t be the first time they knew that they walked into a trap thinking just be careful and seconds later everything went to shit.

He pushed the laptop around so that the other two could look at the map he had been studying before.

“Well as I said before, the attacks happened all in this area.” He gestured in a circle of the map with his fork. “At the centre of this particular area is an empty warehouse, that’s my best guess where they’re hiding. It’s the logical thing since they’re being so obvious in the first place.”

The other two nodded.

“So, we go demon hunting tomorrow. Fun.” Dean sighed, throwing the napkin he used to clean his fingers onto his plate.

~~~***~~~

They spent most of the evening and the next morning with preparing for the hunt; cleaning their guns, checking their knives and carving Devil’s Traps into bullets, the usual things.

Sam checked the blueprints of the warehouse and showed them to Cas and Dean so all of them had at least a basic idea of how the building was constructed if –when really- they were separated.

During breakfast Cas had been the one who started the game of Who is behind this bunch of amateur demons.

Since they took out Crowley and moved him permanently to their dungeon only one came to mind really. Abaddon obviously was now reigning queen of hell but the question was, was she directly involved or was there another higher ranking demon in the middle involved here.

But that was pretty much all the conclusion they would come to before they actually went to the warehouse.

Just after nightfall Dean put the Impala into park outside of the warehouse.

“Cheery. Seriously, I’m still waiting for the day that this lot will choose a nice mansion or something for their hideout. What’s with these obvious warehouses?” he mumbled while getting his weapons from the trunk.

“It’s probably the closest to the level of comfort they know from hell… we can’t all have a memory foam bed that remembers us.” Cas replied with a cheeky grin which earned him a chuckle from Dean and an amused smile from Sam.

“True. Alright let’s do this!” With a low clang the trunk was shut and Dean released the safety on his gun.

Cautiously the three hunters entered the building. It was nothing special, just like they had expected but it had quite a few dark corners.

The search was pretty short however because behind the third corner they ran into a handful of demons, grinning and obviously waiting for them.

“Well, well… look who’s come to visit us in our humble abode. The illustrious Winchesters and their most wanted angel who broke heaven.” The one in the middle, a big fellow with blonde hair sneered, getting rumbling laughter in response from his friends.

“Aren’t you a chatty one!?” Dean answered, instinctively gripping his gun tighter. His other hand flew to Cas’ elbow. He knew well that, as much as Cas had adapted to life as a human and was seemingly enjoying it too, the topic of Metatron and what happened in heaven was a major sore spot and tended to get Cas on edge in seconds. And that’s something they couldn’t afford in these circumstances.

“That I’ve been told, yes. But honestly, I hadn’t thought that this would work just like our queen had said it would. Your reputation precedes you, after all.” The demon grinned back, letting his black eyes wander over the three hunters, checking for weapons most likely.

“Yeah well, then you should have known better than ‘inviting’ us like that because if our reputation really does precede us like you say then you know what will happen here now.” Sam shot him down with narrowed eyes. He didn’t like the confidence of these demons at all and that he had mentioned their queen alarmed him enough.

“Oh I’m actually waiting for this, only that your reputation will end here today. Our queen Abaddon wants you lot dead and that’s why we’re here.”

With these words he charged at them, his friends following suit, resulting in splitting the group of hunters up.

It was ridiculous in Dean’s opinion. At first at least because seriously he’s been fighting demons as long as he can remember why should this lot be any different?

How wrong he was became apparent shortly after. Their guns quickly became useless. It seemed that Abaddon had learnt from her own mistake and somehow managed to find and teach her soldiers a way to dodge their Devil’s Trap bullets. Over all they seemed a lot better organized and trained than they had been with Crowley as their king.

It came down to heavy hand to hand combat and that wasn’t exactly fun if it was two against one. But Dean managed somehow, keeping a watchful eye on Sam and Cas. The latter fought well enough. Dean saw a few scratches and a couple of cuts but nothing to worry about. Same with himself but Sam didn’t fare so well. While trying to get rid of one of his opponents the other got a good hold of him, resulting in some hard punches.

That alone wouldn’t have been too worrisome yet but just in that moment when Dean checked on him while killing the first of his attackers, a new demon arrived behind Sam. Female with fiery red hair –Abaddon herself.

Quickly and with as much force as he could manage Dean rammed his angel blade in the chest of his opponent and whirled around.

“SAMMY!” he yelled and alerted his brother to the imminent danger. It also provided him with a small distraction that gave him not only the possibility to escape the strong hold of the demon but also to kill him with a well aimed knife.

Dean himself got only a couple of steps in Sam’s direction before Abaddon fixed her gaze on him and flicked her hand in a small gesture. With that the elder Winchester flew through the room, a breathless Oh shit on his lips before he hit the wall full force. He recognised the sensation of warm blood on the back of his head almost at the same time as everything went dark around him.

“DEAN!” this time it was Cas who yelled. But the shock of seeing Dean down triggered a new level of fury and with an awesome and vicious kick-stab combination both his enemies went down in seconds.

Everything in Cas wanted to run to Dean’s side instantly but he had been a soldier for far to long to succumb to that desire. One of the major rules of battle was if one of yours is down and another is still fighting, make sure to help in the fight before you take care of the injured one. Otherwise the possibility that all of you will die is too big.

Just like that he was by Sam’s side and killed the second demon of Sam’s initial attackers while the younger Winchester faced Abaddon. But this particular fight didn’t last long because the queen of hell quickly realized that she lost this one.

“Well I admit this lot wasn’t as effective as I’d hoped. You may have won this fight but the war is still on, Winchester. I’ll be back for you and next time it’ll be your head that’s cut off.” With these words she vanished from the room.

Cas and Sam blinked only for a second at the empty air before both of them ran to Dean.

Sam carefully checked his brother but other than the shallow cuts and scratches which mostly already stopped bleeding there was only a big bloody bump at the back of his head and the fact that he still was unconscious.

More anxious by the minute they waited by his side for Dean to regain his consciousness but nothing happened. After 15 minutes of waiting they decided to get him back to the motel.

Sam carried him to the Impala and laid him on the backseat. Cas carefully folded his sweater and put it under Dean’s head to cushion and stabilize it a bit but mostly to keep the blood away from the upholstery because come what may if Dean finds blood on the seats of his baby later, he would kill them both.

~~~***~~~

The first thing Dean actively realized was that he was laying on something a lot softer than a warehouse floor. The next thing –and really now that he acknowledged it he was kind of surprised that it was the second thing- was a splitting headache.

A groan left his lips which seemingly alerted Sam and Cas to his coming to.

“Dean” Cas said cautiously. “You’re awake.”

“Finally.” Sam added under his breath.

Now Dean had been subject to their worrying for quite some time already and that probably was the reason that –even in his hazy mind- he caught on to the outright scared undertones of them both.

“Looks like it, what you missed my charming chatter already?” he whispered, voice horse and without the bite he had intended.

“Not particularly.” Sam sighed and it sounded more tired than anything. “But knowing that you aren’t actually in a coma is nice.”

Dean huffed slightly and regretted it instantly when pain flashed through his head.

“Dean, you’ve been out for more than three hours now.” Cas explained calmly. “It was worrisome!”

What?  Dean turned his head towards the sound of Cas’ voice and blinked his eyes slowly open.

“You’ve got to be kidding me…” he whispered, blinking some more. “And why are you guys sitting in this complete darkness? I mean it’s nice that I’m not totally blinded by light but this wasn’t exactly necessary.”

Almost deafening silence fell over them. Cas looked at Sam with wide eyes. But the younger Winchester didn’t look any better, shocked by his brother’s words. The expression in his eyes spelled Oh shit no! in big neon letters.

“Guys?” Dean asked again tentatively. The ongoing silence of his family triggered an indescribably disconcerted feeling.

Carefully and almost like they arranged it, both Sam and Cas took one of Dean’s hands into theirs, giving the elder Winchester pretty much all the confirmation he needed that something was entirely wrong.

Sam cleared his throat. “Dean… please don’t freak out on us now…” he started.

Well fuck. “You aren’t sitting in a pitch dark motel room, am I right?” he beat his younger brother to the punch.

“Not really, no. I’m sorry, Dean.” Cas answered as calmly as he could manage.

It took Dean a couple of minutes to process the words.

“What happened?” he asked, taking a shuddering breath. “What did the bitch do to me?” and another thought came to his mind. “Are you alright, Sammy? Last I remember you were fighting this big one… and Cas you too?”

“We’re both fine, Dean. Thanks to you. But listen, you need to calm down, please. It’s going to be alright.” Sam said in a soothing tone, squeezing Dean’s hand a little tighter. It was a testament to how truly fucked up the situation really was when his brother neither commented on the hand holding yet nor tried to get away from it. It worried him even more.

“I am calm! Now tell me what happened!” Dean snapped.

“You are shaking, Dean.” Cas observed matter of factly. “So I’m inclined to disagree with you being calm. And actually Abaddon hasn’t done anything or at least nothing specific for this to happen. She did throw you into a wall though but that’s pretty much it.”

“So how did this happen then? I mean this was hardly the first wall I flew into.” Dean sighed, suddenly extremely tired.

Sam looked at his brother worriedly. The shaking and now this tired tone in his voice… he saw the signs. His brother went into shock slowly and he couldn’t blame him. Who knows how he would take it if he was in Dean’s shoes.

“I’m hardly an expert and it’ll take a bit of research but I suppose it could have something to do with how you hit your head on the wall.” He explained carefully. “You hit your head pretty hard and have a frankly giant bump back there. My best guess is that there is an effusion of blood or something that’s hitting a nerve and causes this –hopefully temporal- blindness until the swelling goes down.”

That doesn’t sound too bad. Dean thought hazily and nodded. Alright Winchester, you’ve been through a lot of shit already, you can do this!

The last thing he felt before he fell asleep was a reassuring squeeze of his hand on Cas’ side.

~~~***~~~

They packed up and left for the bunker the next day. It was probably a good thing that Sam had acquired pretty strong pain meds for Dean that kept the elder Winchester in a perpetual state of sleepiness. Like that there was only a minimum of grumbling that he had to lie down in the back of his baby and Sam was driving. Not that he could have driven himself even if he had been awake but Dean sleeping for most of the ride was also a good thing because it kept the possibility for a freak out at bay. And if they were being honest both, Cas and Sam, were waiting for that to happen because suddenly losing your eye-sight, total freak out material, especially for someone like Dean.

As it was, they were lucky that they reached home before anything of the sort could happen and Dean was still out of it enough that he didn’t even complain about Cas’ guiding hand on his shoulder and the constant reminders of caution and steps and obstacles on the way to his bedroom.

He did say that he knew the way to his room by heart though but neither of them wanted to put that to the test just yet.

While Cas had been packing in the morning Sam had already called back home to prepare Kevin for the current situation and get him started on the research already. Smart boy that Kevin was he had also taken care of most things breakable and/or valuable and potentially dangerous and packed them away by the time they got back.

After depositing Dean in his bedroom the three remaining guys met in the library.

“So have you found out something about Dean’s condition already?” Sam asked the prophet who shook his head sadly.

“Not really. I hadn’t had time for an in depth research yet but so far there wasn’t much. But the idea you mentioned about the blood hitting a nerve, possible solution. If we are lucky and that’s what’s happening Dean should be fine in a couple of weeks at the latest, depending on how quickly the bruise fades. And even then it could be possible that it’ll take longer because constant pressure on a nerve takes time to heal.”

“Yeah well, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, if it’s that but I’m sensing that you found another possibility you’re not telling us about.” Sam said, pushing a hand through his long hair. The obvious One which we won’t like was left unsaid.

“True. There was another thing I came across. I didn’t understand that one fully but it comes down to the possibility that the major hit Dean experienced damaged his eyes and caused a full retinal detachment. If it’s that and we don’t get Dean to a specialist like yesterday this’ll be permanent. Although…” Kevin began when he saw the shocked looks on Sam and Cas’ faces. “…although personally I don’t think that’s what happened. I mean a full retinal detachment that happens so suddenly is rare on one eye but for it to happen on both eyes? Highly unlikely if you ask me.”

Cas looked thoughtful.

“I understand what you mean and let’s hope you’re right because finding and getting Dean to a specialist in time, especially with our lack of insurance and stuff is pretty impossible, am I right Sam?” His voice was calm but it was more than obvious that Cas was heartbroken about the possibility of Dean going blind permanently, slim as the chance may be.

Sam could understand why however. The more than obvious connection between them (or dare he say it: crush) aside, Sam knew that Cas was still learning and experiencing the world with human eyes and it was always Dean he shared his discoveries with first. Not being able to show things to Dean anymore, the loss of seeing the beauty of the world as Cas tended to call it, yeah he could see why Cas felt so strongly about it when he just started experiencing it.

“You are right, Cas. But I’m also inclined to agree with Kevin. Even if we have a tendency to make the impossible possible, I don’t think that’s what happened. Let’s hope and think about how the next couple of weeks can be managed. I mean Dean stuck inside for an extended length of time? Frankly not fun when he’s alright and able to watch TV.” Sam grinned weakly.

“Well, we still don’t know how he really takes the news. I don’t think it really registered with him yet. Last night he went into shock when he found out and today he was mostly drugged out of his mind. I don’t think we can plan anything just yet before we know how he…”

The ex-angel was interrupted by a loud crash. Alarmed all three of them sprinted out of the library. They found Dean sitting in the doorway to the bathroom, which was a small surprise, surrounded by random articles of dirty laundry and a couple of bottles and boxes. It took no genius to see what happened. Dean had tripped over the laundry basket on the floor, probably kicked it over, stumbled and tried to catch himself on the shelf above it, throwing most of the stuff on the floor in the process. The confused glare on his face made them laugh.

“Good to know that my misfortune makes you laugh.” Dean snapped.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to but it actually does look hilarious.” Sam chuckled but started to pick up the things off the floor.

“Yeah, well I wouldn’t know, I can’t see anything at the moment.”

The words sobered them up quickly. Cas took a step next to Dean and helped him on his feet.

“I apologize. What were you doing in here anyway?”

“I needed the toilet, in fact I still need it, so if you could leave that would be much appreciated. I got here just fine on my own if it wasn’t for this stupid basket.” Dean glared in the general direction he supposed the basket was. Quickly they got the junk out of the way but Cas lingered a little longer.

“You sure you’re okay?” he asked cautiously.

The Winchester raised an annoyed eyebrow.

“Yeah Cas, I don’t exactly need to see to take a piss, seriously. Now get out!”

The dark haired hunter left the room without comment. It wouldn’t do to make Dean angry at the moment.

But leaving Dean alone in the bathroom hadn’t meant that Cas planned on leaving him alone completely. He was leaning against the opposite wall when the hunter opened the door again, cautiously feeling his way around the door. Suddenly he stopped and blinked, listening.

“You know, I can hear you.” He growled. “If you insist on creeping around outside the bathroom, waiting for me then guide me back to my room already. Not that I need you to but I’m tired and for now I admit it’ll be faster.”

“Of course, I apologize. Let’s go.” And alone from the tone of voice Cas used Dean could practically hear the guilty expression on the ex-angel’s face. Again he placed his hand carefully on Dean’s shoulder and walked with him the short distance back to his bedroom.

“There we are, I trust you find your bed on your own. We’ll probably be in the library so you just need to yell if you need assistance. Sleep well Dean.”

“Yeah, yeah. Alright. G‘night.” Dean mumbled already slowly making his way back to his bed. He definitely didn’t plan on yelling for help. He was a grown man, he could do this on his own. And if you asked him, he just wanted to sleep for the next couple of weeks anyway.

~~~***~~~

It went on in a similar manner for three more days. Dean barely left his room, not counting regular visits to the bathroom. The food and drink he got was practically forced on him by his family. And he knew, Dean knew he was behaving more than just a little uncharacteristic. For someone who normally slept only about four hours a night, he spent a lot of his days asleep. Dean also knew that this worried his family more than anything else but with the constant headache and strong pain medication it wasn’t surprising.

What he didn’t talk about was that as long as he was asleep he could pretend that everything was perfectly fine which he most obviously wasn’t when he was awake. He was a hunter who couldn’t see anymore what pretty much equalled useless in Dean’s mind. Sam had told him what they found out and assumed had happened and that it most likely wasn’t permanent. But Dean, always the pessimist, ignored the last part almost immediately, he was Dean Winchester after all, when did anything go positively according to plan for him ever?

So Dean’s head wasn’t a happy place. Not that it was before but that was beside the point. But four days in, he was getting restless. Sleep eluded him for a couple of hours now and for once his head wasn’t killing him, so he decided it was as good a time to get finally up as any. He had no idea what time it was, for all he knew it could be the middle of the night. He also had no idea what he actually planned on doing when he was out of bed, it wasn’t like he could go and watch TV or something or sit down and read a book. What did blind people do with their time anyway?

Firstly, he figured, he would go to the kitchen and get himself a good cup of coffee (because the coffee Sam always brought him wasn’t even close to how he wanted it and Cas, although closer to the target, hadn’t managed to get it quite right either). So yeah coffee it was. And that shouldn’t be too difficult to manage, Dean thought, he did this regularly mostly asleep and with his eyes still halfway closed in the morning. How difficult could it be now? It would just be like he had his eyes closed completely for a change.

With this goal in mind he swung his legs out of bed and –confident that he knew the layout of his room well enough- promptly missed the door and hit his shoulder on the frame. Oh wow, my sense of direction really sucks without my eyes.

But if anything Dean was stubborn and didn’t stop there. Slowly, one hand always touching the wall, he made his way to the kitchen, carefully mapping the way in his mind. (To the right, down the hallway… around here somewhere are four steps… left and through the control room… need to find the handrail of the stairs up outside…. Go right from there and you’ve reached your destination.)

At least that’s what it would have been in theory, in reality Dean almost fell down the fourth step because he thought there were only three, and he was pretty sure that there would be a couple of bruises around his knees and hips from walking into the table, a couple of chairs and the handrail he was looking for. But finally he reached the kitchen just like the internal navigation system in his head had announced.

“Alright… that wasn’t so bad…” he mumbled to himself. “Now for the coffee.”

He felt his way around the counter, trailing his finger over the different appliances until he found the familiar machine, more than ever he was happy that he, in a random bout of I have a home now, I’m nesting, I don’t want to drink shitty coffee all the time, bought one of those fancy coffee makers you just need to press a button and it’ll do the rest.

Since he hadn’t met anyone on his way, Dean assumed that it probably was the middle of the night after all and that would mean the machine would be off. Carefully he trailed the tips of his fingers over the surface and the various buttons until he found the one he was looking for, or so he thought. When with a loud spluttering the thing came to life the hunter couldn’t help but grin, he may be useless in the field but at least he was still able to make his own coffee.

But starting up the coffee maker was the easiest part of the task because now he had to manoeuvre around and find a cup, sugar and milk and that’s when Dean realized that it wouldn’t be that easy and the grin vanished quickly again. Getting a cup took a while until he found the right cupboard and judging from the sound when he pulled one down he probably pushed something over in there which with any luck would fall outthe next time the door was opened.

He shrugged and went on. Finding the sugar was more difficult because although the sugar bowl could usually be found in one general area of the kitchen, it never stood at the exact same place.

He found it in the end but wasn’t happy about the way he did because it entailed a pretty loud clattering and most of the sugar being all over the place when he hit the spoon in the sugar bowl and sent it flying. Sam’s going to be pissed if he has to clean that up. He sighed and tried to gather up the spilled sugar only to miss the bowl entirely and make an even bigger mess. It took an enormous amount of self-control not to throw the bowl on the floor as well. Instead he took it and put it next to his waiting cup.

Now the milk was another big hurdle. With a couple of tries Dean finally found their fridge and he knew that the milk usually was on the shelf in the door. Easy in theory but there were three bottles with a similar shape, he knew that one probably held Sammy’s orange juice and the other some weird soya drink Kevin usually drank. He took all three bottles out and set them on the counter. Trial and error what else could he have done?

He took the first bottle and took a sniff. Alright that was easy enough, this smells so fruity and sweet. He pushed the bottle aside and took the next one and tried the same thing but couldn’t determine what it was. He opened the other bottle but it smelled mostly the same. Huh, it probably is a good thing that the milk doesn’t smell. He took a quick sip from one of the bottles and frowned, deciding that he found Kevin’s bottle, he took the other one and made his way back to his cup.

He vaguely wondered how long he was already in the kitchen just to make one stupid cup of coffee while he pushed the cup in its place and pushed the button he seriously hoped was the right one by now.

The machine made a gurgling sound and it didn’t take long for Dean to finally smell the aroma of freshly brewed coffee. He smiled and reached for the cup burning his fingers in the process. He didn’t acknowledge the pain too preoccupied with how he would manage to get the right amount of sugar and milk in the cup without actually seeing what he was doing.

He ended up making another small mess when he spilled some of the milk over the cup but after everything that didn’t matter anymore because just when he stopped pouring the milk he got startled by someone calling his name from behind him resulting in him throwing over the cup with the milk bottle, drenching himself and everything else in the hot coffee he had been working so hard on preparing.

“Dammit!” he cursed, letting go of the bottle, not even caring that it had been still open and probably adding to the chaos. He didn’t care because for the moment it was more important to get the hot coffee off of him.

“Dean!” the intruder, Cas his mind supplied, said again a lot closer to him than before.

The next thing he knew he was manhandled into a chair at the kitchen table and Cas started dabbing the coffee away. Wordlessly he took the towel away and haphazardly did it himself.

“Does it hurt?” Cas’ calm voice pulled him out of his thoughts of how wrong he had been, that he in fact was useless and unable to do anything himself on top of that.

“What? No, not really. Stings a bit but that’ll fade soon enough.” He mumbled.

“What were you doing? It’s only 5 in the morning.” To his credit Cas actually could see what Dean had been trying to do. But he had learned a long time ago that sometimes you had to ask obvious questions to learn what was really going on in Dean Winchester’s head that he never talked about otherwise.

“I was awake and couldn’t sleep anymore and frankly none of you are able to get my coffee right the way I want it, so I did it myself… or tried to anyway.” He sighed and added bitterly. “But it seems like I’m not even capable of that anymore.”

The ex-angel let his gaze wander over the kitchen, humming thoughtfully. He could sense Dean’s personal brand of frustration and self-loathing as if it was another person in the room and needed to choose his words carefully to at least counteract that a bit.

“I wouldn’t say so, Dean. As I see it you managed just fine. You found your way here and prepared yourself a cup of coffee without help and without seeing what you’re doing for the first time. You made a bit of a mess in the process, true and in the end you bathed in your coffee instead of drinking it but I suppose that was my fault. Had I not startled you, you wouldn’t have knocked over your cup. You even found your milk from the three bottles available, I’d say if anything, it’s impressive Dean.”

The Winchester was silent for a while, mulling over what Cas’ had said. The other had a point he had gotten pretty far without destroying anything. He spilled some things but that’s it.

“Maybe you’re right, but that doesn’t mean I’m capable of living independently.” He sighed.

“I wasn’t aware that you were planning on moving out for that to be necessary.” Cas replied.

A frustrated groan left Dean’s throat.

“Not what I meant Cas and you bloody well know it! I just hate that I can’t do things myself anymore. I definitely can’t go hunting like this, hell I can’t even help you with the research.”

“Dean, you hate doing research.” Cas interrupted slightly amused.

“Not the point, Cas. Point is, even if I would like research I couldn’t do it because I CAN’T READ!”

With another frustrated growl he flung the towel in the general direction of the sink.

“Dean, calm down. This is only temporary, I’m sure and maybe it’s a good thing if we can’t go hunting for a while, take a break and think about what we can do with this obvious threat Abaddon issued. True you can’t check the lore and all the other information but you can talk to Crowley. He’s an ass and most likely not willing to help us at first but even if we don’t actually plan to let him go, it’s in his interest too that we kill Abaddon. So no questioning your usefulness there, not that it ever was questioned, just so we’re clear, Dean. As for everything else, it’s just a matter of adjustment for the time being. Let’s see what you can do yourself if we just get a few things in line. Take making coffee for example. With a few bumps on the road you did it already, now think about it. We can make it a rule that your milk bottle will always stand in the front so you won’t have to wonder which of the three bottles it is. Then we can make sure that one cup and the sugar bowl are always standing next to the coffee machine and you’ll be fine making your own coffee. All it takes is just a little adjustment.”

Dean blinked. It was true that since Cas became human he got a lot more talkative but as far as Dean could remember that was the longest speech he’d ever heard by the ex-angel. And if he was honest, Cas was right. These were only small changes but it would make life for him a lot easier without feeling like a burden to everyone. And if it worked with the coffee then it probably would work with other things too.

“And for what it’s worth…” Cas added, voice a lot softer and more careful. “If you let me, I could be your eyes for a while.”

“Uh… yeah, well, we’ll see Cas. Thank you.” Dean said awkwardly wondering what Cas meant by that.

~~~***~~~

With a couple of new rules in action, living got a little easier and more bearable for Dean over the following two weeks. Every once in a while the hunter even took Cas up on his offer, especially when faced with being hungry. Dean mostly refused to ask for someone else to prepare him something other than dinner. Because of that his overall consumption of cornflakes sky-rocketed since he could do them himself, but sometimes when he knew Cas was also in the kitchen he would try his hand at a sandwich, standing in front of the fridge asking on what shelf the ham was. For some reason Cas was the only member of the family who managed to learn the fine art of just telling Dean instead of coddling him and doing it for him (which led to a lot of grumbling and hissy fits without fail). Dean supposes that’s because Cas understood his need to do things himself on some level. The ex-angel needed to learn to do things himself too he didn’t like it if someone else just took it from him and did it for him.

It was at one of those dinners that Dean actually ate without much complaint because whoever cooked it didn’t do so just for him but for everyone. On that particular evening it had been Cas’s turn. The former angel tended to stick with easier food since he still was learning his way around the kitchen although Dean –who normally did all the cooking around the bunker- had been the first one to admit that Cas was a pretty quick study.

That night he had tried his hand on some basic pasta with meat sauce. It smelled delicious and everyone tucked in immediately except Dean who took a bit longer.

One of the interesting things for Dean to explore with his blindness had been how sensitive his other senses quickly became to compensate for the lack of visual input. He smelled things more intensely, started laughing on a regular basis when he was sat with everyone in the library and was the only one who could hear Crowley’s grumbling in the dungeon. But he also sensed mood shifts a lot better.

And such a mood shift stopped him mid-bite. He raised an eyebrow and tilted his head questioningly. It was involuntary and Sam had laughed at him the first couple of times he did it because –according to Sam- it looked like a mix between a curious owl and Cas’ trademark head tilt.

“What?” he asked putting his fork back down.

With the heavy air that filled the table suddenly, Dean didn’t have to see that Kevin was looking at his plate uncomfortably. Sam cleared his throat.

“Well…”

“Leave it Sam.” Cas interrupted and Dean turned his head more in Cas’ direction. “You don’t need to try and make it better. I’ll say what everyone is thinking. This sucks! Seems like I underestimated the amount of salt that I accidentally poured into the sauce in addition to the salt water of the pasta.” He stated with a hint of embarrassment and frustration in his voice.

Now Dean got curious and dipped his finger into the sauce and tried it.

“Dude, you think?” he laughed. “Alright, I have no idea how we could possibly save this so I say, Kevin why don’t you call the pizza place?”

He got no direct response but the scraping sound of a chair being pushed back followed by steps outside told him that his idea had found approval.

A sigh, followed by the clinking sound of cutlery and plates being put away got Dean’s attention again.

“Hey, don’t worry Cas. Even the best cook oversalts his food from time to time, no shame in that. And isn’t there a saying of some sort that someone in love tends to oversalt things? You want to tell us something?” The hunter teased a little although to his own sensitive ears he could detect the hint of uncertainty in his voice but he doubted Sam or Cas picked up on that.

Cas huffed, his embarrassment a lot more obvious now.

“Not exactly, Dean. I was just a little preoccupied I guess. You know, it’s times like this that I really miss your burgers.” He said.

“Huh. Do you now…” Dean replied thoughtfully.

Sam observed this interaction with interest. Not that he didn’t already know for pretty much years that his brother and his angel had something neither of them acknowledged but was so obvious that every single one of their friends and enemies commented on it at some point. It got even more obvious since Cas became human and actually started to understand his feelings. Honestly he had hoped that they finally got a move on a lot earlier but hey his brother was so dense at times that he certainly hadn’t caught on before. But since the accident it seemed like Dean actually got the clue after all. Personally Sam assumed that it had something to do with Dean’s enhanced senses and not being distracted by the lingering staring contests with Cas anymore. And Sam promised himself if they wouldn’t get together soon then he’ll finally step in and beat some sense into Dean personally.

~~~***~~~

It was one of the bad days and everyone knew it. Dean as surprisingly well as he adapted to the situation after the initial problems still had bad days. To be honest he had them even before but then who hadn’t? It’s a fact that’s so deeply ingrained in humanity, nobody can be happy all the time, not even Garth. And if life throws you a curve ball like it had Dean it was understandable.

It was shortly after the failed dinner incident and the day already started crappy. Dean hadn’t slept well that night and had been so caught up in his own thoughts that for some unfathomable reason he missed one of the four steps on his way to the kitchen and crashed pretty inelegantly on the floor.

Sam, big softy puppy that he was, came running immediately to help his brother, worried that he hit his head again only to get snapped at irritably. After that everyone treaded carefully around him and left him alone although they all knew that leaving Dean with his own thoughts at such a time wasn’t the best idea. Dean was grateful for that anyway. He was pissed at himself and everything around him and more than anything frustrated and frankly also scared. His head was healing nicely and the bump was almost gone by now but his eyes hadn’t gotten better even a bit. Sam, Cas and Kevin all had tried to explain to him that it was nothing to worry about just yet, that it was perfectly normal to take more time to heal and Dean understood that. All he wanted was just the smallest sign that it was in fact healing and he wouldn’t be left blind for the rest of his life. Just a small hint of light, maybe a change to a grey haze and Dean would’ve been perfectly happy; anything but the complete pitch black darkness he was living in right now.

Dean never had been one to just stand there and appreciate his surroundings except the rare occasions when he would have sat down with Sammy and watched the stars in the night sky. And even that had been more for Sammy’s sake. But now that he’d lost the ability he found he missed the colours. The shiny black of his baby, the vibrant red-orange of a sunset, the healthy green of the trees surrounding the bunker, the almost otherworldly blue of Cas’ eyes. Although that was a funny thing in itself, even after only two and a half weeks the memories of all the other things already started to fade but he still could recall Cas’ eyes as if he had been staring into them only a moment before.

It took no genius to figure out what that meant. Contrary to popular believe Dean was no idiot. At times it took him a lot longer to realize things but he did in the end. His particular… feelings for Cas were one of those things. And it wasn’t even related to his accident, no, he had been thinking about that for a lot longer while lying awake at night. He was living in denial of his emotions for a long time, true but he had accepted them now. Thing was, he didn’t know what to do about them, wasn’t sure what Cas thought about it. Before the other had lost his angel powers, he had no concept of personal space or verbal filtering and the things that had happened between them could be construed as Cas’ having feelings for Dean but ever since he became human, Cas had picked up on social conventions quickly and kept a guarded distance between them as if he also remembered past occurrences and wanted to prevent for them to happen again and for Dean to misunderstand things. So yeah, Dean certainly didn’t know what to think.

And then he had this accident and Cas was pretty much the only one who got him. And now he picked up on things… and as much as that made him sound like a giant girl he kept on wondering: Does Cas actually like me too in that way?

A frustrated growl left his mouth.

~~~***~~~

“Sam? Have you seen Dean?” Cas asked the younger Winchester upon his entry in the library where Sam and Kevin were pouring over piles of books and cross-referenced all those small random facts that Dean got from Crowley in his interrogation sessions.

“Nope, not since breakfast, why?” he put a marker in the book he was looking through and tried to get his hair in some semblance of order.

“Well, mainly because it’s about four in the afternoon now and I haven’t seen or heard him since breakfast either and frankly, I think it’s a little worrisome.” Cas looked pointedly at Sam who obviously was more than a little surprised at the time. They’d been working for a lot longer than he expected.

“Have you looked in his room? The bathroom? Or maybe the shooting range? I mean, he can’t see the target but that doesn’t mean it couldn’t bring him some satisfaction to just shoot at something.” Sam mused.

Cas sighed deeply, sometimes he really wondered if the younger Winchester thought him stupid.

“No Sam, I’m looking for Dean but it hadn’t occurred to me to look in his room. Seriously! And no, he isn’t in the bathroom or the shooting range either, also not in the kitchen, the TV room or the dungeon. And before you ask his phone is off.”

Sam ducked his head at Cas’ words as if he realized just then what an obviously stupid question that had been. It also earned him a chuckle from Kevin although the young prophet didn’t say anything else.

But the younger Winchester had to admit that Cas’ words made him uneasy now. Dean couldn’t just vanish into thin air on them, especially now. He seriously hoped that…

“Oh crap!”

With that eloquent exclamation Sam jumped up from his seat and left the room just to re-enter seconds later, a little more on the paler side.

“They’re gone. The car keys are gone…” he muttered.

The ex-angel’s eyes widened but instantly his calm kicked in.

“Now, don’t jump to horrendous conclusions, Dean isn’t stupid, he wouldn’t drive in his state. If not for himself, he loves his car far too much to risk wrecking it.” He added with a hint of humour. “Let’s go check.”

All three of them hurried outside and true to Cas’ words the Impala still stood in the same place it had been before with Dean in the driver’s seat, however. The hunter looked lost in thought but the hard lines of desperation and hopelessness were apparent even from the distance.

Sam made to go but Cas held him back.

“Let me, please. Snapping at you once a day should suffice, Sam.”

Sam sighed and nodded, turned and went back inside with Kevin.

Cas walked around the car and silently entered the passenger seat. Dean gave him no sign if he even noticed his arrival.

“Hello Dean.” He murmured, carefully observing every little change in Dean’s face.

“What if I won’t get better? I won’t be able to drive her ever again…” the Winchester said after a long pause by way of acknowledging Cas’ presence. He didn’t lift his head. “I won’t be able to hunt anymore, I will cease being useful… and there is nothing I can do. All the things I did in my life and that’s it, rendered useless, sitting at home, drinking coffee and eating cornflakes. What kind of life is that? And even worse I’m ruining your life too, yours and Sammy’s and Kevin’s…”

Cas let Dean ramble on for a bit, he didn’t want to interrupt him now that Dean actually started talking. With all the little eruptions and bad days, Dean had long since perfected the fine art of bottling up his emotions and feelings and never had the break down they all expected him to have following the accident, until now that was. But Cas could sense where this was going and was intent on nipping these thoughts in the bud as best as he could.

“Don’t Dean! Don’t say it!” he cut in probably a little more forceful than he planned. But it did the job, snapped Dean out of it and stopped the talking. Chances were that he realized just now that he actually said all that out loud with Cas close enough to hear him. His head swivelled around giving Cas full access to Dean’s expression and what the ex-angel saw made him pause. It was rare for Dean to show emotions but for him to show tears that was even rarer but in that moment the bright green eyes were misted over and brimming with tears. Briefly he wondered if Dean even realized he was so close to crying but dismissed the thought quickly because the sight broke his heart either way.

Cautiously he reached out and placed his hand on Dean’s arm.

“We talked about this before, Dean. You will get better it just takes time and patience. I wish I had just the barest thread of Grace left just to spare you this pain. But all I can do is being strong for you and help you as best I can and I will. And so will Sam and Kevin, as long as you need us to.”

“But what if I don’t?” Dean whispered, voice rough now from the effort of not letting the tears fall. Well that answers the question… Cas thought and squeezed Dean’s arm softly.

“In the unlikely event that you don’t get better, Dean, nothing will change in our support of you. You’re far from being useless, you have to understand that. You’re not defined only by your skill to drive and hunt, Dean, you are so much more than that. We will figure out what you can do then you have a lot of talent and maybe you’ll find something you wouldn’t have done otherwise, who knows. But one thing is for sure and there is no arguing there, you won’t ruin anyone’s life. Not Sam’s, not Kevin’s and definitely not mine, you understand?!”

The elder Winchester looked extremely doubtful to Cas what led him to grab Dean’s face in his hands and gently lean their foreheads together. He knew full well that he was majorly invading Dean’s personal space but he needed him to understand.

“You understand, Dean? There is nothing you could do or that could happen that would ruin my life as long as you promise me not to give up and leave!”

“Cas…” it was something between a sigh and a whimper, breathless with emotion. It was like the sincerity of the words was flowing soothingly from Cas’ fingertips into Dean’s brain. And if he didn’t know better he would have thought that Cas’ personal brand of mojo had been at work but it wasn’t that. It was his voice, the honesty in the touch. It was as if Dean could feel it in the gentle breath that touched his skin. And in that moment all the wondering, all the doubts and insecurities shifted like a lego piece finally slotting into place and what was left was the bright shining light of clarity. Without hesitation Dean just tipped his head forward that last distance separating his lips from his angel’s (because for all everyone called him ex-angel, in his heart Castiel always will be an angel).

The kiss was short, sweet and chaste and when they broke apart again, Dean whispered: “Yes, Cas, I understand now. Thank you and I promise.” One half of Dean wished that he could see Cas’ face in that moment but the other half practically felt the relief, adoration and happiness emanating from Cas, when he lifted his hands and mirrored Cas’ hold on him. And if you’re being honest, you know exactly what Cas looks like right now because it’s the same he looked at you for the past years a small voice in the back of his head whispered and he had to agree, he understood that now.

“Dean…” Cas exhaled but that was the last that was heard for a while. The kisses they shared were long and careful and nothing like anything Dean experienced in his life before, not even with Lisa. There was nothing frantic about it, just soft caresses and loving touches, a slow exploration of one another.

~~~***~~~

When they had returned inside a while later, Cas’ hand in his had been warmly leading Dean down the stairs. Sam had been waiting for them in the control room. He studied their entrance carefully, quietly assessing Dean’s mood but then he realized the change. The soft smile on Cas’ face and the obvious disappearance of the strained lines on Dean’s spoke volumes. He looked at Cas with a warm and happy smile which turned into a smirk when he shifted his gaze to Dean.

Almost immediately Dean tilted his head to one side and frowned.

“Stuff it, Sam. I don’t have to see to know exactly the look on your face. One word and I swear you’re neither too big nor too old to get an honest to god beating from your brother!”

But in Dean’s words were no malice and soon after all three of them started to laugh heartily.

~~~***~~~

Life in the bunker after that got a little easier. Although Dean hadn’t changed a bit in his need for independence and stubbornness, he was more relaxed and smiled a lot more. And it wasn’t that he had forgotten about his worries and wasn’t still scared about what would happen if his situation got permanent after all but it got easier with the knowledge and trust that Cas would be by his side come hell or high water.

They weren’t too obvious about the shift in their relationship although it was far from being a secret. That had mostly to do with how they were acting before already, so there wasn’t a lot to change to begin with. A few loving touches and hugs here and there and a few shy kisses… it was nice and Dean enjoyed it.

It was the morning three days after their (not exactly) confession in the Impala. Dean was standing at the kitchen counter and was preparing himself a cup of coffee like a pro when his heightened senses alerted him to the arrival of another person and a smile grazed his lip.

“Hey Cas.” He greeted the dark-haired man.

A low chuckle emanated from the ex-angel as he lovingly put his arms around Dean’s waist, leaning against his back and giving him a soft kiss on the neck.

“I think it will never cease to amaze me how you do that, it’s truly amazing.”

Now it was Dean’s turn to chuckle.

“What, me making coffee or always knowing when you are close.” He took a quick sip from his cup before he turned in Cas’ arms slowly, one hand lifting to caress his slightly stubbly cheek. It was as much a loving touch as it was a simple way to help him with direction, when he leaned in to kiss the other softly.

“Both actually.” Cas admitted against Dean’s lips. “But mostly the latter, I guess. It’s kind of fascinating because back when I still had my powers, I could tell when someone arrived behind me but even I had to look around to know who it was most of the time. It’s interesting…” he explained his question.

Dean considered the words for a moment, tried to find an answer that would make sense to the ex-angel.

“It’s… I don’t know really. Since I lost the visual input I get a lot more information from my other senses, I guess. Things I never really paid attention to before. When you or someone else enters a room it’s like the air shifts around me, it’s a little creepy to think about but it’s the best I can explain it. And when it comes to knowing who it is that came in… well, not many options around here and… heh… somehow each of you feels different to me, I get different vibes from you… it’s complicated. For example when Sammy comes in, it’s like the air fills with a kind of warmth that speaks family.” Dean frowned thoughtfully, trying to find the right words. “With Kevin it’s a little different it’s also some kind of family feeling but… yeah, different. I don’t know how to name it but it’s something I closely connect with Kevin.”

Dean shrugged and moved to lean his head against Cas’ shoulder, holding him tightly to himself, marvelling at the deep sense of home the scent of the ex-angel invoked in him.

“And when I come in?” Cas asked curiously. Even through the fabric of his shirt he could feel the smile on Dean’s face.

“That’s probably the easiest to feel and to understand and this probably will sound mushy as hell and if you ever breath a word of what I’m going to say now to Sammy, I will hunt you and kick your ass.” He grinned.

Cas huffed a laugh at that. “Duly noted.”

At that Dean lifted his head again a bit so that his lips practically brushed the shell of Cas’ ear with every word.

“When you come close to me the air fills with sparks, a feeling of closeness, adoration, trust and hope…” he paused and hesitated for a second before he breathed voicelessly. “…love.”

Dean could feel the muscles against him tense at his words, heard the shuddered breath that Cas’ exhaled and for a minute he wondered if he made a mistake but then he barely caught the silent “Dean” when Cas pushed him away just a fraction to lay his hands on Dean’s cheeks again and kiss him, pouring all the emotions the hunter just described into the touch tenfold.

~~~***~~~

When they broke apart after a while, Dean turned back to his cup of coffee which was barely lukewarm by that time and grimaced. Quickly he disposed of it down the drain and started the process of coffee making all over again, this time for Cas too.

“Whose turn is it to cook tonight?” he asked while carefully stirring a spoonful of sugar into Cas’ coffee before handing it over.

Cas sighed deeply.

“That would be me…” he murmured still not entirely over the salty pasta debacle, gratefully taking the cup and sipping on it. “You know, I was being serious when I said that I miss your burgers.” He added with a smile.

“So you keep telling me but it’s not like I can do much about it at the moment, I’m a little handicapped here, I’m sorry.” It wasn’t like Dean didn’t miss it too, on the contrary, he missed it quite a lot actually. Cooking helped him relax and calm his thoughts.

“I know you can’t do it alone, Dean, but I could help. You know what to do, tell me and I’ll do it or let me be your eyes and do it yourself.” Cas said, taking Dean’s free hand in his.

“Dude, you really love those burgers, don’t you?” Dean laughed but thought about the offer, tried to imagine how that could work out and if they could manage to make the meal. “But alright, I’m up for the challenge, we need to go shopping though.”

So it had been decided and Dean had left the bunker for the first time since that fateful case. It had been an interesting if exhausting experience for him. He didn’t know his surroundings like he did at home and what he remembered of the interior of the shop was blurry and sketchy as hell but Cas had taken care of that easily and more importantly without drawing too much if any attention to Dean’s blindness. For anyone else there they had looked like another happy couple pushing their car together. Dean had told Cas what they needed and soon enough they had everything together.

Back at the bunker they sat to work easily. Dean told Cas what he needed and the ex-angel handed it to him. Since Dean always went with his instincts when it came to spices he wasn’t too worried.

After that they needed to cut the vegetables and that’s when Dean ran into trouble for the first time. In theory he knew what he was doing but he didn’t want to risk his fingers and bleeding all over their food.

But Cas had a simple solution for that too. Without any hesitation he stepped behind Dean again, similar to the position they held in the morning and laid his hands over Dean’s, gently guiding him. It took a lot longer like that than when Dean had done it before but he couldn’t bring himself to mind it at all. It felt too nice for that and so a contented sigh left his lips when they finally finished and he turned his head a bit to kiss Cas on the cheek in thanks.

They hadn’t told the other two what they had been planning or doing and surprised them with their dinner to no end. Dean could tell that Sam was gaping at the food with wonder and happiness it just was such a Sam thing to do. The following silence in the kitchen was only interrupted by random near pornographic moans and the elder Winchester smiled happily. That’s another thing he loved about cooking, making his family happy.

~~~***~~~

Well over five weeks after his meet and greet with a concrete wall thanks to Abaddon Dean started to feel restless again. His head was perfectly fine now and even the headaches had stopped. But it wasn’t his initial fear of Oh my god what do I do if I don’t heal and stay blind that was making him restless at this point, it was the very reverse that was the case. They had slipped in an easy routine and he coped surprisingly well, did a lot of things himself he did before too and it was fine, he was… content and that’s was scared him that he was getting used to the idea of staying blind and that he was surprisingly okay with it on some level, as long as Cas and Sam and Kevin were by his side. Sure it would suck big time but he would get over it and what was up with that? So yeah, Dean Winchester was scared of being okay with the life he had… again.

He wasn’t exactly sure what time it was when he made the by now familiar way to the kitchen but he was pretty sure that it was the middle of the night once again. All he had wanted was a glass of water so no reason to wake anyone. But it seemed like he hadn’t been silent enough because when he came back his senses failed him for the first time in weeks and he got startled by Cas quiet voice.

“Dean?” the other asked cautiously, Dean never got to answer however because in the next moment the low hum of the overhead lights came to life and a bright flash sent a wave of pain through his head.

He didn’t even register the sound of shattering glass on the floor, too busy panting in pain and surprise, both hands pressed tightly over his eyes.

A thousand and one things ran through Dean’s head at once but he couldn’t focus on anything but the stabbing pain behind his eyes. He leaned heavily on Cas when the other enveloped him in his arms, extreme worry and confusion rolling off of him in waves but didn’t reply to any of the many questions.

He heard and felt another presence nearing them, instinctively knowing it was Sam who’d gotten roused by the commotion in the hallway.

“Dean? What’s the matter? Cas, what happened?” he inquired worriedly.

The ex-angel looked up helplessly but never stopped gently running his hands through Dean’s hair and over his back in an effort to calm the hunter.

“I have no idea, Sam. I heard him get up and wanted to make sure that he’s alright, when he came back he seemed like he hadn’t noticed me so I called him and switched the lights on and then this happened.”

The younger Winchester studied his brother for a while as Cas continued his calming motions.

“Dean, love, please tell us what’s wrong otherwise we can’t help you.” He whispered next to Dean’s ear and finally got a noticeable reaction.

When Dean would look back to that moment he probably would scoff at himself for being such a whiny mess but in that moment he didn’t care a bit.

“It hurts, Cas, it hurts like a fucking bitch!” he whimpered into the soft sleep shirt Cas was wearing. Cas shared a quick alarmed look with Sam.

“What hurts, Dean?” he prodded gently.

“The lights…” came the muted reply and realisation crossed over Sam and Cas’ faces, a realisation that Dean obviously hadn’t had yet.

With a careful but strong hold on Dean, Cas pulled him into his bedroom to the bed where it was blessedly dark. Sam followed them and closed the door.

“It’s alright the lights are off now, is that better?” Cas whispered, slowly prying Dean off of himself. It took the elder Winchester a moment to gather the courage to let his hands fall away and open his eyes again only to be met with darkness again and thankfully only the remaining echos of pain he had experienced before.

“That’s better, yes…” he murmured, still shaky and blinking helplessly, gripping Cas’ hand like an anchor.

Sam pulled a chair close and waited for Dean to calm down further before talking to him.

“Could you tell us what happened out there, Dean?” he asked softly.

“Hell if I know… I just wanted something to drink and when I came back Cas startled me a little and then there was the light and it was like a flash of lightning. For a second everything went white and then it felt like someone was stabbing two knives through my eyes simultaneously.”

Cas regarded his friend calmly, squeezed the hand in his reassuringly.

“Dean, do you realize what this means? It hurts now and probably will for a little while but this is a good thing, you understand? It means you’ll get your eyes back.”

Dean tensed at those words and gasped. He’ll get his eyes back, it sure as hell didn’t feel like it and he said as much to Cas and his brother.

Sam couldn’t help himself but chuckle a little at that, you gave him bad news and he took them without question if not without fuss but if there were good news it always took them a bit to convince Dean. His brother was ridiculous like that.

“No, probably not, Dean. But think about it, you didn’t use your eyes for more than five weeks now. The nerves responsible for that still need to fully heal and get back to normal. It’ll take a bit of time for them to work through all these signals they get now.” Dean sure was no idiot but he still looked a little confused so Sam tried another path. “It’s similar to… do you remember when you got your leg broken by this Leviathan? You didn’t use your leg for a couple of weeks and when the cast came off your muscles needed a bit of time to get back in shape, right? The first couple of days they hurt like a bitch and don’t deny it because I was there.”

Now that was a concept Dean could get his head around. He remembered these first couple of days well enough.

“Yeah, alright I understand that but what can I do now? We can’t keep the bunker in the dark all the time but I’d rather not relive the pain of being stabbed in the eyes.”

“It wouldn’t be advisable to keep the bunker in the dark all the time anyway. Your eyes need to be able to adjust to the differences in brightness, call it training if you want. You have to get them back into shape step by step. What we can do is mute the lights a bit in the main rooms for a start and brighten them gradually over the next couple of days. I suppose a bit of discomfort will accompany that process but not like before.” Cas suggested and Dean nodded. The idea was good enough and easily arranged.

Dean sighed deeply. He resented the voice in the back of his head that kept telling him what a big inconvenience and burden he was being for his family. But Cas’ hands in his and on his back kept him grounded enough to ignore it for now and nod in agreement. It was only for a couple of days and then everything would go back to normal, hopefully.

“Alright, then I’ll go now and take care of the glass outside and quickly fix the settings on the lights, you go back to sleep. Goodnight Dean, Cas.”

Cas nodded in Sam’s direction when he left the room and pressed a soft kiss to Dean’s temple when he gently pulled his hand back. Or tried to at least because Dean was having none of it and leaned close in Cas embrace instead.

“Stay.” Was all he said and who was Cas to complain.

~~~***~~~

It was weird for Dean for the next couple of days, not to mention the almost constant headache annoyed him to no end. But after so many weeks of living in complete darkness it was strange to have the light back. At first it was only the difference between dark and light, he would notice shadows in his vision which brought a new set of challenges because his newly sharpened senses and the barely there visual input sent very different signals to Dean’s brain and it made him a little jumpy on occasion when he thought he saw a shadow move but couldn’t sense anything.

It was frustrating for the hunter and although he had made a point of being independent all this time, he made sure that he never was alone in the days of his recovery. It was an easy safety measure because he trusted his family even more than his own sense at this point so when no one of them reacted to anything that he might have thought he had seen he knew it was alright.

So it went on and with every passing day the world around him changed from barely there dark/light differences that slowly got more solid and distinguishable to blurry colourful images he actually could guess what he was seeing. It was glorious and made Dean understandably happy, especially on the first day when he got a glimpse of Cas’ startlingly blue eyes.

Sam asked about the progress every day without fail and at first it didn’t bother Dean because he had things to tell him but a little over a week after the initial return of his eye-sight he stayed silent when Sam asked which led to a questioningly raised eyebrow but the younger Winchester had learnt to be patient.

They were sitting in the library once again. Dean sitting next to Cas with Sam and Kevin opposite of him and was twirling a pen on the table thoughtfully. His other hand was resting in a loving grip on Cas lap.

“Did your research tell you anything about… well, side-effects or something or better complications?” he asked after considering his words for a while.

“Side-effect? Complications? What do you mean, Dean?” Cas asked sharing a look with Sam but tried not to let his alarm show too much.

“I mean, did your articles tell you something about people not recovering completely?” Dean clarified gazing at the three remaining occupants in the room.

“Well…” Kevin started hesitatingly. “… there were a couple of cases who didn’t recover fully but that wasn’t exactly the norm. Most people were able to see just as well as before apparently.”

A pensive hum left Dean’s lips when he returned his eyes back to the pen on the table before him. He saw that one better than Kevin or Sam who were sitting further away and it made his head hurt a lot less.

“Why do you ask, Dean? And don’t even try to deny that you have a reason, you wouldn’t have asked otherwise.” Sam asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest, studying his brother carefully, he returned strained lines around his eyes, the almost constant squinting and the sudden interest in the pen directly in front of him.

“Fair enough, yeah, I was wondering because I don’t think that my eyes improved anymore for the past two days. I just can’t see clearly, everything is blurry if it’s not pretty much directly in front of me and trying to focus on you for example is so fucking exhausting and hurts my head. I guess I just wanted to know if that’s something I should probably get used to.” Dean sighed.

Cas squeezed Dean’s hand reassuringly, he was sure they would find a solution for this also. To his and Dean’s surprise Sam and Kevin both chuckled silently.

“Well you could try to get used to it or you could do something about it and see sharply again.” Sam said, still grinning.

“And how would we do that?” Cas frowned at the other two because he certainly didn’t see the fun part yet.

“It’s not that difficult. From what it sounds like, Dean needs to see an optician. We probably should have expected the possibility that your eye-sight won’t return 100%. I suppose the need of corrective lenses afterwards wouldn’t exactly be noted as complications that’s why we hadn’t read about it.” Kevin explained smiling.

“Ah… you need glasses, Dean. Now that’s not so bad.” The ex-angel commented and looked at Dean with a wide smile. Sam smirked a little, he got the feeling that Cas liked the thought of Dean in glasses a little more than just helping him to improve his eyes further.

“Glasses huh? Alright if that’s what you think will help… let’s do this.” He pushed his chair away from the table.

“I’ll go with you.” Cas said automatically and Sam nodded in agreement, his big brother at an optician, he wouldn’t miss that.

~~~***~~~

They had been lucky and didn’t need to wait too long until one of the opticians could have a look at Dean. And true enough only a short time into the process a look of pure and happy awe crossed Dean’s face when they got the correction right and he saw his surroundings clearly for the first time in weeks again.

Obviously his first instinct was to look at Cas and a bright smile split his face almost in half.

Sam giggled silently at the high level of interest Cas had in the process of choosing a set of frames for Dean. Glasses kink who would have thought.

And it seemed like Sam wasn’t the only one who noticed the way Cas acted, so in the end he decided on a collection of five different frames and sent Cas outside to make his final decision keeping it a secret until it was ready and he would be able to see his friend’s reaction.

Three days later…

Dean had gotten the call that his new glasses were ready early in the morning and Sam had gotten the job of driving him to the optician (obviously Dean would drive his baby back himself, it had been way too long since he last sat behind the steering wheel).

They didn’t take too long and Dean couldn’t find words to describe how good it felt to finally see again. He was sure he would pay a lot more attention to his surroundings and share them with Cas than he’d done before. He knew to appreciate the beauty of the simple things better now.

Sam had jokingly congratulated on his new look and Dean had promptly retaliated with a brotherly shove to the shoulder. But in the end when they left the car in front of the bunker he finally got around the thank Sam for the support over the last weeks after all. Dean Winchester was no guy for excessively talking feelings and chick-flick moments but he also knew when he owed thanks to his kid brother.

They had just gotten down the stairs into the control room when Cas called to Dean from the kitchen door. With a smile he turned around and looked at Cas.

“Cas, what do you think? Did I make the right choice?” he asked grinning.

The ex-angel stopped in the doorway, looking at Dean intently. Even with that distance, thanks to his new glasses, the hunter noticed the slight dilation of Cas’ pupils when he took in the sight of him with his dark-rimmed glasses.

It was only a matter of seconds, one moment Cas had been standing at the kitchen, the next moment he had positively pounced on Dean, wrapping his arms around his neck and his legs tightly around his waist, kissing him.

Dean only barely kept them from tumbling on the floor and Sam instinctively had held out his hands in the effort of catching his brother but laughed nonetheless at the sight. After it was clear that Dean would remain on his own two legs, he politely left the room.

“I take it, you like them.” Dean whispered breathlessly when they finally broke the kiss.

“Oh I like them.” Cas' normally deep and husky voice had dipped into an even deeper octave that resembled more an aroused growl. “I like them a lot.” And Dean had no chance to say another word before Cas attacked his lips possessively again.

-The End