Chapter Text
Robert was elated that Simon came over to rehearse again. He felt like it was a new beginning, and with Simon so eager to practice and even give his input into the new material, Robert felt happier than he had in months. It was such a change from his sullen nature lately. For too long he had to deal with trying to appease almost everyone in his life, and always having to walk on eggshells which was something Robert was never good at doing. He just didn't see the point.
But now that his best friend was here and so willing to try something new, something that Robert had put his soul into, he couldn't have felt more alive, and the feeling of isolation over the new direction in which he wanted to steer the group and his life had started to diminish. He didn't feel so alone now. Even in the company of his friends at the pub Robert had always felt somewhat alone, but never with Simon. Simon was the only one who really accepted him. Understood him.
They put their guitars down and reached for fresh bottles of beer among the empties that littered the small coffee table.
Simon sat down on the sofa running his hand through his dark hair, "You got anything stronger?" He asked putting his beer down on the table.
"Yeah,” Robert replied and grinned, “Vodka?"
Simon's eyes lit up, "Please!"
"Right." Robert disappeared into the kitchen. Cupboards were opened and closed, and he reappeared after a few moments with a vodka bottle in hand. He sat on the sofa next to Simon and unscrewed the cap from the bottle. Simon reached for it, but Robert snatched it away, peering at him with a sly grin and then took a swallow. Simon feigned an attempt at exasperation, his lips slowly curling into a warm grin, and Robert couldn't help but laugh at that brilliant smile.
"You know Robert," Simon chuckled taking a drag from his cigarette, blowing the cloud of smoke purposely in his face. "You can be a real wanker sometimes."
Robert beamed, shaking his head and he exaggerated a cough, fanning the smoke away with his hand, "Well Simon... You're a wanker all the time."
"Always gotta have the last word, don't you?" Simon eyed him teasingly and stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray.
"Bollocks!" Robert grinned and finally passed the bottle over, settling his eyes on Simon's face, intently concentrating on his mouth as he tilted his head back to take another drink.
Simon let out a long sigh, "That's more like it." He said smiling down at the bottle in his hands.
Robert settled back into the sofa and closed his eyes. The vast amount of alcohol was quickly taking over and a sensation of warmth from the vodka was now spreading through his body.
"Robert, are you up for the pub?"
"Don't think so. Not tonight." Robert quietly replied with his eyes still closed. He wanted nothing more than to stay here with the person with whom he felt so at ease - the person who accepted him the most out of everyone with no pretense. No demands.
He shifted a little closer to Simon on the sofa, "Did you want to come over again tomorrow?" Robert asked.
He didn't even care that he was acting so eager as Simon hadn't even left yet! What he really thought was that he should spend the night, "Actually, you could just stay here," Robert paused, looking down and added quietly, "...for the night. They've gone to Richard's in Wales and won't be back until late Sunday." He didn't have a clue as to why he volunteered that last bit of information, and he suddenly felt foolish, desperate even.
"Suppose I could." Simon mumbled and yawned, "Dunno." He rubbed his eyes and reclined back into the sofa as well.
That wasn't really an answer to Robert.
Simon had stayed over a handful of times before, but only when Robert's parents were home. After coming back from the pub, they would escape up to Robert's room and hit his secret stash of liquor, drinking even more until they couldn't see straight, sitting on the floor with their backs against the side of the bed. Just the two of them - exactly like Robert intended.
Simon would usually sleep on the floor but a few times when they were both completely pissed, Robert managed to pull him up onto the bed with him. He would then move in close, curling his body around Simon, feeling the warmth radiating from him, and Robert's thoughts would race as Simon drifted off to sleep. It just felt so good to be that close - to hold Simon that way...and eventually, sleep would manage to overtake Robert's drunken, swirling mind. Luckily, on those few mornings when they woke up in bed together, they had such horrendous hangovers there was never any discussion about the previous night's sleeping arrangements.
Robert opened his eyes and turned to face his friend. He didn't know why he was asking again but he needed to, "So you'll stay then?"
Simon smiled widely, "Afraid of the dark, are you? What a twat..." He teased.
"Piss off!!" Robert laughed and tossed Simon's cigarettes at him. The pack landed on the floor behind them, and Simon laughed and brought the bottle to his lips to take another drink.
There was an awkward silence. It was that same silence they had shared days ago when they were alone, and Robert found himself just looking at Simon. It was almost a stare. He found himself doing that more and more lately and couldn't stop.
Simon passed the bottle back to Robert, clumsily placing it next to him on Robert's thigh. Robert looked down at Simon's hand and stared at it for a long moment, realizing he didn't want another drink. Instead, he wanted to touch that hand resting on the bottle before him and he cautiously placed his hand softly over Simon's and held his breath, waiting...
Robert swallowed hard and squeezed Simon’s hand gently, but there wasn’t much of a reaction; Simon merely blinked and looked down, and before Robert realized what he was doing, that same hand moved from Simon's, and it reached up to slowly turn Simon’s face to his. Right then a feeling of sudden heat began to well up in Robert’s body and he watched Simon’s eyes as they turned upward, but when they met his, they widened almost in disbelief, causing Robert to pull away quickly.
What on earth did he think he was doing?
Robert shifted uncomfortably, "Si-Simon... I-I'm..." He had to offer a better explanation then just a stammer, but what could he possibly say to take this back now?
Simon shrunk away from Robert apprehensively, his eyes looking down, making Robert’s stomach drop at that site. He wasn’t positive, but certainly had an idea of what that mannerism conveyed, only confirming his deepest fear: rejection. But just what was he expecting? He was his best friend, after all. His best male friend and he just blindsided him. He felt lucky that Simon didn’t end up hitting him, putting an end to their friendship, and with that, a sudden feeling of panic and regret began to swell.
Robert shot up from the sofa, “I-I think I’m going up to bed.” He hesitated and couldn’t think of anything else, quickly mumbling “See you tomorrow.” Why was he being so dismissive? The last thing he wanted was for Simon to leave.
“Oh???” It was the smallest sound. Robert was now looking down at Simon, still sitting there with his hand still clutching the bottle, head still down and eyes glued to the floor, like he’d just been scolded. He replied almost timidly, “O-okay.”
And that Robert did not expect. He was completely thrown by all of it and felt as if everything was spiraling out of his control very quickly.
As Simon finally put the bottle down on the table and stood, their eyes met for a fleeting second and not a word was exchanged, only the creak of the hardwood floor could be heard as Simon turned and walked to the front door and as he opened it to leave Robert was desperate to reach for him, to pull him back, but it was almost as if his body had frozen into place.
All he could do was helplessly watch him leave in silence.