Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Are you nervous?” Gwen was leaning forward, head titled and looking up at me, biting her lip playfully. My eyes met hers for a mere second before I turned to put more of my never-ending stuff in the boxes which were scattered all over my bedroom floor.

“Nah, I'm fine.” I obviously wasn't. I had never spent more than two nights away from home, and now I was expected to live away from it? Gwen had to know it. But she let it go. She pulled herself up into a sitting position on my bed.

“We, are gonna have... so... much... fun.” I laughed softly to myself.

“Say that a little louder so my mum can hear.” she threw me a cheeky look and brought her hands up as a signal for me to pull her up. But I was so weak that rather than pulling her up, she pulled me down, and I ended up on top of her, knees and elbows suddenly everywhere they shouldn't be. Thankfully, she was laughing, so I laughed too, making it hopefully less awkward as I tried to disentangle myself from her.

“Are you two okay in there?” My mother was raping her knuckles against my door, but for some reason, it made us laugh harder.

“We're fine, Hunith, thanks!” And then she burst into a fit of giggles.

“Yeah, Mum! We'll be out in a minute...” Too late. My mother was in my room, staring at the confusion and the mess. We finally managed it, not helped by my mother's horrified, but slightly amused expression. Gwen quietly slipped out of the door, head down. Not so much hiding her shame, as her amusement. I followed suit, whispering as I left;

“Don't worry, Mum. I'm definitely gay.” As I left, I heard her reply,

“Always good to know.”

“Take good care of him, please!” Mum pulled Gwen in for a hug, which must have been bone crushing.

“Of course I will, Hunith! I always do!” She finally let go of Gwen and turned her attentions to me, pulling me into the same bone crushing hug.

“Take such good care, my little boy!” I could hear the tears in the back of her throat.

“Mum.” She took my face in her rough hands.

“I know.” She patted my cheek and pinched it lightly. “Off you go.” But she held onto me for a little while. I'd miss her so much, it had always just been her and me.

Gwen sighed.

“What is it?” I lazily turned my head, slipping down further into my seat. Gwen kept her eyes on the road but sighed again. “Seriously, what is it?”

“Nothing...” Her voice was annoyingly whiny just now.

“Gwen...” She threw her hands up in the air for a split second before bringing them back down to the steering wheel. “Fine. I just want to help.”

“I know, I know, I know Merlin.” Her voice was back to the cooing song she always had. We had a minute or two of silence before she continued. “It's just... coming back. You know, a whole summer of being away... I hoped it would clear the air!” It suddenly clicked in my head.

“Oh, God. Arthur?” She bit her lip and nodded. “You did the right thing!” She rolled her head and clicked her tongue.

“I know! I know! But then, why do I feel so guilty?”

“But it was over between you two?”

“Of course! I'm not that type of girl! But... he took it so badly!”

She groaned and sobbed dramatically. “I shouldn't have got engaged. Or I should have kept it quiet.. or... oh, I don't know.”

“Gwen, It's not your fault he's a jealous and moody git!”

“Merlin!” She pulled a shocked face, but laughed a little. “We went out for two years, he is such a nice guy! I loved, I love him!”

“But...” She paused, guiltily contemplating her answer.

“I love Lance more.”

We didn't talk again. We didn't have to.

We got to Gwen's flat around eleven at night, after a good six hours of driving. Despite the fact that Gwen had a room for me, I slept on the sofa, not having the strength to face the pile of wooden planks that faced me in my new room. We sat for a little less than an hour, barely saying anything. Eventually, Gwen stood up, ruffled my hair and went into her room, shutting the door behind her. In spite of my exhaustion, I couldn't sleep. I instead sat up, and looked around my new and unfamiliar surroundings. The flat was nice, but small, which made me wonder how we would ever fit three people in one flat. (Three being me, Gwen and Lance, Gwen's 'swishy' fiancée.) The walls were painted white, with only one line of photos above the TV. The first was a picture of me and Gwen, at her tenth birthday and my eighth. It is probably my favorite photo of me as a child. On the left, ten year-old Gwen, smiles shyly, slightly turned away from the camera. And Then there is me on the right, my face covered in chocolate and a huge grin, with one sticky arm wrapped around Gwen. My mum took that photo. It was one of the last. It was one of the last because my dad left 8 days later. And she never felt like taking photos after that. I didn't feel like posing. The second is a photo of Gwen at her 18^th party, drink in hand, pulling a cheeky face for the camera. I took that one, as you can tell, because my thumb's in the shot and it is at an appauling angle. In my defence, I had just knocked back three shots of tequila. That was the night I met Freya, my first (and last) girlfriend. She was a year younger than me, and just as scared of the party scene as I was. So, natuarlly, we bonded. The third is a picture I don't recognise, probably because I wasn't there. It's a photo of three people, the middle being Gwen, wrapped up in a huge scarf and wooly hat which leaves her barely recognisable. On either side of her is a guy, her past and present boyfriends. Much to my surprise, 'the blonde one' who I understand is Arthur has been... cut out? Wow. That must have been one bad break-up.

I had only ever had the one break up. And that was pretty amicable. Well, as amicable as it can be when you tell your girlfriend that you are 100% gay. Most girls would have completely freaked, but she took it rather well. Considering.

I looked up at the digital clock on the wall. 00:29. Shit. I was just considering going to bed when I suddenly heard a thump. And then silence. And then. Thump. Coming from the door. I was suddenly full of alarm. Oh my god! Someone is breaking in! And I am in my duck pyjamas! It got louder and louder and louder. And the gaps got shorter. I really should, and could have moved. But I stayed, frozen to the spot. Completely terrified. All of a sudden Gwen's door slammed open and an angry looking Gwen stood before me.

“Oh. My. God.” Wow. “How long has he been doing that?” He?

“Ten minutes, something like that.” She growled under her breath and tugged the door open.

To reveal a slumpped, drunken, blonde man. And he looked up with blue eyes and kissable lips.

He smiled and slurred;

“Good morning!”

A beautiful, drunk and sad little angel.

Chapter Text

“Arthur! What are you doing here?” His face fell.
“I don't know...” He looked around, as if he really didn't.
“Oh, God!” She ran a hand through her hair and shook her head. “Come in then, Arthur.” I turned my head and pulled her on the arm.
“Gwen, are you sure?” I whispered, but subtly has never been my strong point.
“Who is this?” Arthur looked straight at me, eyes squinted, swaying uncontrollably. Gwen looked over at me and I nodded.
“This is Merlin, Arthur.” Arthur groaned and lent back on the wall.
“Not another boyfriend, Gwen!” We laughed lightly.
“Not a boyfriend, Arthur. A flatmate.” We helped him to his feet, and he subsequently fell onto the sofa, face first. Gwen mouthed 'Sorry'. I replied, 'It's all right'. We stood around the sofa, arms crossed until we heard the sound of Arthur's heavy breathing. Gwen sighed a sigh of relief.
“Sorry about your bed.” I waved my hand at her.
“Don't worry, I can sleep...” I looked around for somewhere I could possibly sleep.
“In my bed.” Gwen took my hand and smiled.
“Oh, if my mother could see me now!” We laughed, very quietly.

I woke up with Gwen's feet in my face, toes squished into my cheek. I quickly vacated the bed, in desperate need of coffee. I left the room without waking Gwen, only to have the shit scared out of me by the sight of a partially naked Arthur on the sofa. I tried to avert my eyes as he shifted and moaned sleepily. Then he opened his eyes. I turned my back on him and switched on the kettle.
“Good morning, Sunshine.” My voice was hoarse and croaky. He groaned angrily.
“What the hell did I drink?” I scoffed.
“Your guess is as good as mine.”
“Oh really?” He came up behind me and grabbed a cup from the shelf. His breath tickling my neck. “Make me one, would you?” He winked. I nodded. “I'm gonna take a shower.”
“Merlin.” We both jumped and looked guiltily towards the noise. “Can I see you for a moment.”
“Umm,” I looked over at Arthur slyly before sauntering over to Gwen. “Sure.” I heard him laugh.

I sat on Gwen's bed, and she hissed angrily:
“You stay there, I will be right back.” she was gone for only a few minutes when she came back, calmly and shut the door behind her, leaving us all in almost perfect darkness. “Well. Merlin.” I'll tell you this straight, Gwen will make an excellent teacher. “I would prefer it if you didn't lie about what I just saw.” I raised an eyebrow at her, but she was on a roll. “All the...” a lengthy dramatic pause. “flirting.” I couldn't help myself laughing, but Gwen was obviously not amused. “I'm serious, Merlin! You have to promise me nothing will happen between you two.”
“Gwen! We were hardly holding hands, he's hungover.” Gwen rolled her eyes,
“Not a massive surprise.” I threw my hands up in the air.
“I thought you liked him?”
“I do!” She looked me steadily in the eyes. “It's just, oh Merlin, he's troubled! And you are so young, I don't want anything to happen to you!” I broke the eye contact and looked away, “I promised your Mum I'd take care of you.” I stood up.
“I'm sorry, what? Look, I barely made eye contact with this guy, who yesterday you were agonizing over, and you think he is what... going to... take advantage of me?” She stood up too.
“See, this is why I didn't want to tell you, because you always twist my words!”
“That is...” I paused, because, well... it's kind of true. “Well, GOODBYE!” I was out on the street before I knew I had left the flat. I groaned. Why did this ALWAYS happen? Always losing my temper.
“Hey Merlin!” It was Arthur. I had to stop myself from smiling.
“Um.. Hi.” I raked a hand through my hair and looked away. He laughed awkwarly
“Gwen gave you a hard time, huh?” I rolled my eyes and affirmed.
“She says you're bad news.” He grinned cheekily.
“I second that.” I started walking. He followed. He came too close. “You got any plans for today?”
“Why would I have plans?” Arthur threw his hands up into the air dramatically.
“Your first day in a big city!” We laughed.
“Hey, where's your hangover?” He shrugged.
“I'm working with it.” Why do I find that hot? I looked down at my shoes and coughed.
“Any suggestions?”
“Sorry?”
“Any suggestions...” I met his eyes “...for places to go on my first day in a big, new city?”
“I could...” He kept his eyes on mine “...name a few.” Then he took my hand. I instantly felt awkward and embarrassed. But he either didn't notice or didn't care. “Come on.”

And the rest of the day was a blur. But needless to say, I didn't think about Gwen again.

By about ten, we had ended up in a bar, where Arthur seemed to know countless numbers of people. I was feeling decidedly dizzy by the time Arthur lent over and whispered. “Do you wanna do something fun?” I nodded eagerly, imagining all the things he might have planned. Turned out, we ended up trailing the whole bar for Lance or Gwen, or both preferably. Thankfully, we found neither, and we finished the night with a completely clear criminal record.

And we ended up in his flat. I spent my second night in the 'big' city with officially the most attractive man in the whole of the world. I mean... not with with. But, with. Truth is, Arthur obviously made a habit of getting pissed and falling onto sofas. He was asleep within seconds of entering the threshold, and had left me alone, not quite sure what to do with myself. I mean, I couldn't sleep in his room, and... well... it just seemed desperate to sleep on the floor. But how could I go home? Literally, where the hell was I? Quite suddenly I felt two hands pulling me down. I complied, to sleepy and confused to question it. It really couldn't have been more awkward. He had his arm draped over me and kept on kissing my shoulder. And then he said it.
“I missed you.”

I guessed he wasn't talking about me.

Chapter Text

I had left in a hurry that morning, and we hadn't spoken since. Also, Gwen had forgiven me for the time being, and we were friends again. And we didn't talk about Arthur, because there was literally nothing to say. I had been in Camelot about three weeks before school started. Frankly I was relieved, because at least I had something to do. I mean, who would notice I wasn't socialising when I had the perfect excuse of looming deadlines and school work? But when it came to the first morning, I was terrified. I was seriously considering calling a sickie when Gwen rapped her knuckle on the bathroom door.

“Are you ready to go?” Too late to feign sickness.

“Look, don't be nervous.” Gwen reassuring me only made me more nervous, because the way in which she was doing it made it seem as if she was preparing me for something terrible. I took internal deep breaths and tried to secretly ignore Gwen's soothing tones.

But it was all right. I mean, I survived. I kept to myself, smiled at a couple of people, got a couple of smiles back. Gwen had told me to wait outside the lecture hall for her so we could have lunch together, but after waiting quarter of an hour for her to show up, I decided to venture into the canteen on my own, where, low and behold, I found Gwen, in a daydream, lovingly staring into Lance's eyes, as he curled her hair around his fingers and stroked the other side of her face tenderly. I scowled at it and I heard a laugh from behind me. I turned to see a long haired boy, slightly older than me, his eyes sparkling, his thin lipped mouth curled into an amused smile.

“Enjoying the view?” I stammered.

“”Umm, she's my friend, she was supposed to meet me..” He waved away my excuses.

“No need to explain, my man. I quite agree, a disgusting sight.” He motioned for me to sit down.

“It wouldn't be so bad,” I slipped myself into the seat next to him and he tilted his head. “If I didn't have to watch it when I go home as well...” I trailed off into silence, slightly alarmed by his forwardness.

“You live with Du Lac?” I furrowed my brow.

“What?” I shook his head and mumbled to himself.

“Lance, I mean.” I nodded and sighed. He laughed again. “Why?”

“Why?”

“Why do you live with them?” I raised my eyebrows and said dryly;

“Because I'm poor.” He shrugged his shoulders.

“Aren't we all?” He offered me a chip and I took it gingerly. “What's your name, anyway?” I paused before saying;

“Merlin.” He sniggered and I sighed sadly.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You took me by surprise.”

“What's yours?” Now it was his turn to pause.

“Um, Gwaine.” I smiled widely and raised my eyebrows. “Hey, not as bad as Merlin!” I kept my eyebrows raised. He sunk down in his chair. “You're right, it's just as bad as Merlin.” I patted him on the back.

“At least we have something in common!”

“That and a dislike for public displays of affection.”

“Oh yeah.” He offered me another chip.

And that's how I met my best friend.

Soon enough, it was christmas. Well, I say soon enough, it had been two months since I had been back at school, but just as I predicted, school work did engulf my life, as well as several trips a week to Gwaine's many house parties. I was in the supermarket with Gwaine, naturally in the alcohol aisle when the chrsitmas soundtrack came on. Although me and Gwaine groaned at the fact it was 'bloody annoying' but secretly, I was enjoying it. I loved every part of Christmas, the food, the presents, the cheer. Classes were still on, but basically everyone had left to go home for the holidays. Excluding me, (because mum was on a singles cruise) Gwaine, (because, does he even have a family?) and Gwen (who had no one except for her brother who was staying at the flat over the season.) Everyone was with their families.

“But surely the flat has more space now that Lance has gone home?” He murmured as he briefly glanced at a label of alcohol before laying it down in the already full basket. I groaned.

“No, because Elyan's there now, and he can't sleep in Gwen's bed... for obvious reasons. Which means I have to.” Gwaine wolf whistled and I rolled my eyes.

“I'm gay and she's engaged.” Gwaine nodded humbly. “And she kicks.” I whispered in his ear. He grinned.

“It figures.” He fluttered his eyes seductively and moved on, I laughed and followed. A few more bottles were added before Gwaine said, “Hey, I suppose...” Then he stopped and carried on walking. I pulled his arm.

“What? What do you suppose?” He laughed nervously.

“I suppose...” He paused. “You could come live with me?” He squinted his eyes in fear, as if I was going to hit him or something.

“What about your room mate?” He laughed, as I had never met Gwaine's practically non-existant room mate who Gwaine had hardly ever met either.

“I'm sure he'd be fine with it.”

“Then, yes. God, yes.” I pulled him in for a bear hug.

“Woah, calm down, it's not like I've asked for your hand in marriage!” I pulled a mock shocked face and pulled away.

“I'm just so relieved. You have no idea how tough it is living woth Gwen.”

“Hang on, you like Gwen, right?” I scoffed.

“Of course, I love Gwen.”

“...Just...” He prodded my arm.

“Just...”

“Come on, you can say it.” I let go.

“I really hate her art.” He patted me on the back.

“I'm proud of you, man.” I took a deep sigh out.

“Me too.”

And then we started laughing, and laughed all the way home.

Chapter Text

Once again, I had a crying girl in my kitchen.

“I really thought he a good guy! You know?” She blew her nose. I nodded, not knowing what to say. “He really doesn't want a relationship, like... at all?” I pulled a sympathetic face and shrugged my shoulders, mentally cursing Gwaine for like the a thousandth time. She blew her nose again and shook her head. “Well, give him my number, OK? I mean...” she smiled weakly. “He might change his mind!” I returned the smile and we sat in silence for a few minutes, supping tea. She finished her cup and jumped up. “I should go.” She brushed any blond hairs that has gone askew and took a breath out. “And thank you so much, Merlin. You've been lovely. See ya.” she kissed me cheek and swept out of the room. I spun round to catch her leaving.

“Just so you know,” I called out and she spun round. “I think he's a jerk.” She laughed softly and buttoned up her trench coat.

“Yeah, me too. It was nice to meet you.” And she was gone. I looked down at the number. I had learnt in the three months I had been here that the formation was 'wait till she wakes up, make her breakfast, tell her I don't want a relationship, throw the number.' Gwaine really was a jerk. And I pinned her number on the board.

Gwaine eventually came in smiling and smelling like outdoors. He sighed happily as he smelt the pancakes.

“Are we having pancakes? It's not my birthday...” His face fell as he saw the empty dishes. After a moment of silence he said. “Is she gone?” Poor kid.

“Yeah, she's gone.” Gwaine lent back on the kitchen counter and looked at me wearily.

“Go on, then.” He folded his arms. “Tell me off.” I tried to protest, but gave up before I began.

“Have you ever thought, you know, maybe you could get to know them? You know, before you... tell them you're not interested?” I took a sharp intake of breath, I was taking a risk. But she just run a hand through his hair and sighed sadly.

“I guess you expect me to call every single girl who passes through these doors, huh? I should get to know all of them?” His voice was raising, and I was slightly scared of what was to come.

“No, not at all, do whatever you like... I just, liked this one.” The corners of his mouth twitched. “I'm sorry I brought it up.” I clumsily made my way out of the room as quickly as I could, trying to avoid any drama, but not quick enough, as I caught a glimpse of Gwaine folding the square piece of paper with the number on it, and gently sliding it into his back pocket.

But he didn't call her.

I had arranged with Gwen to meet outside, and low and behold, there she was with Lance 'pushed' up against a wall, nuzzling her neck. I internally groaned and wished once again for a time without Lance. I wondered if she ever did either. Finally, she looked my way and waved. I smiled and walked over to her. She linked her arm in mine.

“Lunch?” I nodded.

“Lunch.”

“So, how is it going with Gwaine?” I sighed.

“Good.” She raised and eyebrow.

“Well, you sound ecstatic!” She laughed at her own joke. I shook my head.

“It is good. I'm having fun living with him.” She took my hand in hers.

“If you ever want to come back, please do. We loved having you, didn't we, Lance?” She turned to face her boyfriend, who silently smiled and nodded in my direction, almost entirely sincerely. But I couldn't really blame him, I mean, who wants their girlfriend's friend hanging round in their flat? Not many people basically.

“Thanks, but I really don't want to, I'm happy.” She nodded slowly, but kept her eyes on me and looked concerned. I leaned forward and whispered: “I promise.” She lent back, satisfied.

“And what about Gwaine's other room mate, seen much... seen any of him.” I laughed and shook my head.

“I don't even know who the hell he is, he could be an axe murderer for all I know, or a superstar...”

“More likely a college kid who wakes up in the gutter every morning and falls asleep in it every night.” Lance chipped in, eyes on his Icelandic yoghurt.

“Buzz kill.” He sniggered under his breath, Gwen whacked his arm because she felt the need and I sat opposite them, feeling entirely excluded.

And she wondered why I preferred it at Gwaine's.

It was gone five when I got home, therefore, imagine my surprise when I came home to the sight of cans of cheap beer on every surface of my kitchen. Which meant one thing, A House Party. Which, after last time, (where somehow, someone ended up locked in our coat cupboard and another tied to a bed post by a tie,) was a thing of dread. I stormed into the living room. I stood there, fuming in the door frame, in front of Gwaine and all his football friends (minus Lance, thank God.)

“Whoa, Merl! Chill dude!” They all sniggered and I rolled my eyes.

“No parties, Gwaine!” His smile stayed, caked onto his face. “No more!”

“Oh, come on! It's...” He looked at his friend, one by one, trying to think of an excuse. “It's...” Eventually, one pipped up.

“It's my birthday.” Gwaine threw his hands up.

“Exactly! It's Percy's birthday, he needs the exposure!” He sloppily leant forward and put a hand up to his mouth and whispered loudly: “It's been a while for him.” I rolled my eyes, internally feeling humiliated and tried to run up the stair nonchalantly, naturally I failed.

It was maybe half an hour later when I heard a soft tap on my door, surely too soft to be Gwaine's. But sure enough he knocked again and called out,

“Merlin.” And again. “Merlin.” And again. “I have tea.” I opened the door to Gwaine smiling apologetically holding a steaming cup of tea. “Can I come in?” I gestured for him to come in and he perched on the end of my bed, looking almost nervous. We sat in silence for a few moments, Gwaine biting his lip, me blowing on my cup of tea.

“What did you want?”

“I'm sorry.”

“OK.”

“But, I'm sorry.”

“OK.” He took a breath out.

“We're still friends?”

“Of course.”

“Good.” This was awkward. “Good.” Then he leant forward. He wrapped his arms around me, his cheek resting against mine. After a while, I wrapped my arms around him, lightly. I guess you could say we were hugging. He tried to leave quite quickly after he finally let go, but I called him back.

“Gwaine.” He sniffled.

“Yeah?” He looked like he was about to cry. I took a deep breath, already regretting my words.

“How many people would be coming?”

I've never seen him grin so widely.