Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Karla Camila Cabello Estrabao, come here right now!”

It made Camila and Dinah freeze, but Lauren was not satisfied just yet.

“Camila!”

When the girl turned around she at least had the decency of looking sheepish.

“Would you mind telling me what you two are doing in the middle of the night in the corridor?”

If she hadn’t been so close to having a heart attack just a few minutes ago, she would probably be laughing right now. It was 2 am, and those two idiots were in their Lion King Onesies clearly about to prank Ally.

“Going to see Ally?”

“Oh yeah? And why would you go see Ally at 2 in the morning?”

“She…Well, she has my… phone charger!”

“The same phone charger plugged in my room since I have your phone?”

“Well…no. I guess not. Good news though, I don’t have to look for it anymore!”

“Chancho, you’re such a bad liar.”

“Yeah, well I didn’t see you try to answer!”

“I have nothing to hide! If you want to know, I was personally on my way to prank Ally.”

“Of course you were. Go back to your room Dinah, and if you don’t, I swear I’ll put a secret password on your snapchat app.”

“I’m out of here, it was nice knowing you Chancho! Good night, Lauren.”

Camila looked down dejectedly as Dinah disappeared in the elevator.

“Camila-”

“I’m sorry, okay, I’m really sorry. I just wanted to do something fun, I can’t sleep, Lauren. I know what the doctor said, no need to remind me, but the result is the same, I.don’t.sleep. I can’t just lay down in the dark for 8 hours! I’m going crazy! I finished the book you gave me like 2 hours ago! You won’t even give me my phone and there’s no TV! I don’t even know how you pulled that, but seriously, making them take away the TV??”

Lauren wasn’t moved by the outburst. She was used to them by now.

“And why exactly didn’t you just come ask for another book? I don’t see how the whole ‘let’s prank Ally in the middle of the night in onesies’ works its way into your little story.”

“It was fun, okay! We were going to reenact the circle of life scene, we had even prepared the music and everything.”

Lauren couldn’t help rolling her eyes at the girl. She was literally stomping her way back to her room, arms crossed, with the little lion tail of the onesie moving in rhythm. She had to restrain herself from sending her to the corner, but she knew there were boundaries. She never had that talk with Camila, and wasn’t really planning on having it anytime soon, even if some days it was really hard to hold back.

“The other way, Camila.”

“No, if I have to suffer through the night, so do you. I’m sleeping in your room.”

“Let’s go then. Do you need anything from your room?”

“…Yes.”

Lauren cracked a smile at that. Obviously, little Simba over here had hoped for a bigger reaction at the news, and was even pouting now. She came back a few seconds later with Lauren’s Nala plush in her arms and the book Laure had given her. Lauren’s heart might have soared a bit at the sight. She had given the plush to Camila when she had went to visit her at the hospital, it had helped her a lot with her anxiety, and she was sure it would help Camila too. Since then, it hadn’t left her side.

Her stay at the hospital had been devastating for everyone. Camila was on her way back to the dance studio when she had fainted and was sent to the hospital. The girls had had to wait until after their performance to go see her. Severely dehydrated, malnourished, and exhausted, the prognosis hadn’t been good. Camila had over worked her body and taken bad care of it. With the huge amount of stress of preparing the album and touring, her insomnia had only worsened and her appetite was gone. The worst thing was that nobody really noticed. Sure, the girl looked tired, but they all were, and sure she skipped a few meals here and there, but that happens. Lauren refused to ever let that happen again, it would have been devastating no matter to whom it had happened, but the fact that it was Camila… It was intolerable, and she wouldn’t ever let it happen again.

“Come on Camzi, let’s give this another try, okay?”

“But I’m not tired!”

“Don’t try me, Camz. I’m really not in the mood.”

“What are you gonna do? Discipline me to sleep??”

“I might if you don’t stop.”

“UGH!”

She dramatically let herself fall on the bed, purposely taking as much space she could, which didn’t amount to much apart from her Cuban booty. One well calibrated spank and she rolled to her side of the bed.

“You have to stop doing that.”

“You have to stop putting that booty in my way then.”

“You know, even my parents never spanked me.”

“Well, that explains a lot!”

“Hey!”

Camila slapped Lauren’s arm in indignation, receiving another spank in response.

“Sto-op!”

“Don’t hit!”

Lauren couldn’t help a little smile, Camila was curled up, face on the mattress and butt in the air.

“You’re asking for it.”

“I’m trying to get comfy.”

“Sure, Jan.”

“Leave me alone.”

That earned her another spank.

“Lauren!”

That was definitely a whine. Lauren could see tears starting to fill her beautiful chocolate eyes. It was another thing with this ordeal, the general exhaustion of her body was really messing up with her emotions and hormones, it was rather easy to make her cry or rile her up these days.

“I’m sorry, come cuddle baby.”

“I don’t even know why I’m crying.”

“Cause you’re a very tired baby lion.”

“Stoooop…”

Lauren pulled her in her arms, the girl hardly weighted anything, another thing Lauren counted on working on.

“Ssh, it’s okay Camzi, you’re okay.”

“I’m not, I’m really not, it feels like I have no control over myself anymore!”

“Maybe it’s better that way for now.”

“Don’t say that.”

“You were not doing a very good job at taking care of yourself, baby.”

Camila was nearly in hysterics, but Lauren voice was calm and firm.

“I did my best, it’s just really hard to deal with everything. I really did my best, I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“I know, baby. I believe you, but you should have come to us when you felt it was too much, you know that right?"

“I know, I’m sorry!”

“It’s okay, it’s all forgiven now, but I won’t let it happen to you again. Okay? So if I have to call every hotel we stop by to ask them to take the TV out of your room, you bet I'll do it if that means you sleep a bit.”

“I'm sorry for getting out, too.”

“You're all forgiven. I know it's hard. Next time come to me instead of planning some shenanigans with DJ.”

Camilla didn't calm down, she felt guilty, so guilty. She had worried everyone, she still was, she couldn't help it though, she was trying to force herself to eat whenever they wanted her to, but she couldn't do anything about her insomnia. She couldn't bear it anymore, the burden was just too heavy, her mind was too messed up to deal with all that.

“Camzi, calm down. You need to breathe, baby.”

“I'm so…bad, I'm just making everyone suffer. And everybody's so nice with me, how can you forgive me?”

“I did give you three spanks.”

“It doesn't count. It was just for fun.”

Lauren was quite taken aback by the comment. Did Camila mean…Did she want her to… it's true that Camila had kept hinting at it for a while now. Could she really be blamed for testing the waters?

“Do you feel like you would deserve more?”

“I don't know, I've never been really punished before... Do you?”

“I mean if I were to choose, I'd probably call for more.”

“How many?”

“The goal is to feel like you paid for what you have done, and know that you shouldn't do it again, without letting be too much for your body. It differs from one person to the other.”
“But I don't know.”

Lauren was slightly concerned that Camila might feel her heart pounding against her chest.

“Do you need me to decide, baby?”

Their eyes met for the first time since the conversation had started, Camila nodded earnestly.

“Well, then I guess… 10 would be good, since you've never been spanked before.”

“…Did you ever?”

“Get spanked? Yeah I wasn't the most obedient child.”

“No…like did you ever do it?”

Lauren was really struggling to keep her composure, she wanted to pinch herself. Was this real? Was she dreaming? Or worse, was it a trap?

“Yes. I guess. I had to do it once or twice while babysitting some cousins.”

“How…how is it?”

“For the spanker or spankee, Camz?”

She just shrugged, not exactly sure herself why she was suddenly so interested, but she had always felt safe with Lauren. Lauren never judged her, and always tried to help her no matter the situation. Maybe she could help her, maybe she could make it better. When Lauren spoke again, it was but a whisper.

“It’s hard for both I guess, Baby, do you want…would that help? Do you think it would help you?”

Sobs started wracking through her body again, but after a while she caved. She nodded, letting her eyes fall to her lap, ashamed. But Lauren wouldn't have that, grasping her chin in one hand, she carefully brushed her tears away.

“Ok…ok, baby, I need you to go to that corner, okay? I want you to face the wall and think about what you did. I'll come and get you in ten minutes, alright.”

Camila’s lower lip was quivering, but after carefully studying Lauren’s expression, as if to make sure that this was really happening, that Lauren wasn’t just about to storm out of the room, she finally got up. Taking deep breaths she walked to the corner hesitantly, not sure what to do. Just as she was about to turn around to seek guidance, she felt Lauren’s perfume engulf her.

“Okay face the wall, baby. Good job. Now put your hands behind your back, perfect. I’ll come back in ten minutes, you’re not allowed to turn around, understood? You must stay here and think about all that you’ve done wrong.”

“Starting when?”

“Starting whenever you want. I’m really proud of you, okay? I know it’s hard, but you get to decide what we take off of your shoulders tonight, as much or as little as you want. Okay, quiet now, and don’t move.”

The ten minutes passed far too quickly for the both of them. Lauren was trying to calm her nerves and think back on all she had read, making sure that Camila was properly prepared, and that she had a game plan for how it would go. Camila needed her, and she wouldn’t let her down. For some reason she felt elated. To have Camila entrust her with something so important, to let herself be this vulnerable around her, it was beautiful, and she felt so grateful.

Camila’s struggle was a bit different, she tried to disconnect from the moment as much as she could, forget that Lauren, her bandmate, and probably one of the most important people in her life was about to spank her. Instead she concentrated on her words, what did she needed to get off her chest? She wanted to do it right, she wanted Lauren to be proud, as weird as it sounded.

“Alright, time’s up, Camila. Come here.”

Camila stepped away from the corner without hesitation, determined to give this a chance. She was not expecting some sort of miracle, but maybe it could really help. She walked to Lauren who was sitting on the edge of the bed, and let her grab her hands.

“First, I’m going to tell you what’s going to happen. You’re going to tell me why you are being punished today, then we’ll start. I’ll only use my hands, I’ll give you four warming spanks over your clothes, but the next six ones I would like them to be on bare skin. I want to make sure that you will never be tempted to do it again, that you will remember what happens when you do reckless things, alright? Do you think you would be comfortable with that?”

Camila nodded right away, which surprised them both. Camila wanted to please her, she trusted that Lauren would do what was best for her, like she always did. Also, nudity didn’t bother them much, they were used to packed changing rooms. At least it didn’t sound so bad in her mind.

“Okay, thank you for trusting me Camzi. I need you to remember words for me, okay? If at any time you want to stop, I want you to say “red”, if you need a break or feel uncomfortable, I want you to say “orange”, and if I ask you, but you are fine, I want you to say “green.”

“Can I say “yellow” instead of green?”

“Sure, baby. Can you repeat the words for me?”

“Yellow when it’s all good, orange when I’m uncomfortable or need a break, and red if I want you to stop.”

“Perfect, are you ready?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, Camila, tell me why am I spanking you tonight.”

“Because I took bad care of myself and hurt the people I love. Because when I felt like I needed help, I chose not to seek it out. I’m… I’m being spanked because I willingly decided to make the wrong choices, and because I should have known better than to try to juggle everything when I have people around me that can help. And also because I should know better than to disobey the doctors’ orders and to act like a brat.”

She was in tears, already feeling lighter from admitting this out loud.

“Anything else?”

“I didn’t finish my protein shake like I said at dinner. I was too full, I couldn’t finish it.”

“You’re getting an extra one for that one: it’s okay to not be able to finish, but it’s not right to throw the rest away, you should have kept it and drank it later. Now put yourself over my lap.”

Seeking redemption, Camila executed herself without a second thought. With a last confirmation that she did want to go through with it, it all started. The warming ups were not too bad, it hurt, but it was manageable. When the time came to take off her onesie, Camila realized that it was a lot more embarrassing to disrobe in front of Lauren and have her lower her panties while she was over her knees in just a tank top and socks, than how it felt under normal circumstances.

“You’ve been very good, Camila, but it really starts now. You can trash all you want, but you’re not allowed to hide your bottom, nor to get off my lap, understood? Use your words, baby.”

“Yes.”

“What color?”

“Yellow.”

“Good girl, let’s take care of this okay? Then it’ll be all over.”

It started okay, Camila was trying her best to be good and not move, but then they got to spank number 6 and all her good resolutions went out the window. Lauren had gotten her on her sit spot, and that hurt like hell. She was trashing and crying, and asking her to stop, though when asked her color, she answered yellow. She knew she could take it, she deserved it, she had been bad and there were consequences to bad behaviors. Somehow this was so much better than the constant turmoil she had been stuck in for the past weeks. Only a few more and it would be done once and for all. From then on she would just have to be careful to not do it again, and honestly she felt like never ever doing anything bad for the rest of her life, Lauren sure knew what she was doing.

“Ten, Okay baby last one, you’re doing really good. This last one is going to hurt, I want you to remember it, and know that we’ll do it all over again if you try to mess with your health again. Eleven.”

The last one made her scream, she though that this one might actually bruise. She was drained, utterly drained, and so overwhelmed by the different feelings going through her: relief, pain, peace, fatigue, gratitude…

“You did so good baby, I’m so proud of you, it’s all over now. You’re all forgiven. It’s all in the past now.”

There was something nearly animalistic in the way she needed to feel Lauren right now, her arms and legs tight against her, her hands buried in her hair, her face nuzzled in her neck, she couldn’t get enough. Her body was trembling and she was still crying.

“It’s okay, baby. Let it out, let it all out. It’s over now.”

When her cries were finally replaced by soft sniffles and whimpers, Lauren got up with as much grace as she could muster with Camila in her arms, and grabbed some soothing cream they kept around while touring, they were quite the clumsy bunch most of the time.

“Lay down for me, baby! Ssh, no more cries, I’m right here, I just want to put some cream so it doesn’t hurt so bad tomorrow, okay?”

She carefully applied the cream, minding the sensitive spots and checking to see she hadn’t damaged anything, then pulled off her panties completely. It was made of some lacy material which would just irritate the skin even more. She grabbed the onesie next, and helped her limp body back into it, securely fastening it

“There, all set! Since you didn’t finish your shake, I think you should have something to eat before you go to sleep. How does a yogurt sound?”

Her answer was mainly a whine, but Lauren didn’t care, she grabbed a yogurt from the mini fridge and a spoon and went back to bed. Camila automatically curled up against her, Nala in hand, clearly ready to drop.
“Here I’ll help you.”

In the quiet of the night, Lauren lovingly spoon fed Camila, letting her mind imagine this scene repeating itself in the future. Once she was done, she put it aside, pulled Camila deeper in her embrace and watched her eyes finally close and her body relax.

“Good night, Camzi, thank you for letting me help.”

She tenderly kissed her temple, and went to sleep herself.

Chapter Text

“Lauser, get up, Ally wants to go to Waffle House!”

“How did you get in, Dinah??”

“You wouldn’t answer your phone!”

“How does that explain..?"

Lauren was still disoriented, what was Dinah doing in her room? And why were her covers so… Oh! Opening her eyes, she was greeted with the sight of Camila laying on her, fast asleep.

“Oh my god, is she…?”

Lauren only mouthed “out” to Dinah, gently smoothing Camila’s hair back when she started to stir. Soon enough, the room was drowned in silence again, and Lauren could relish in the small snores of Camila. She couldn’t fall back asleep, but she had no problem being Camila’s pillow for a few more hours. From the corner of her eye she could see the clock on her bedside, it was 10.30 am. Camila had been asleep for about 7 hours, Lauren couldn’t believe it! The girl usually couldn’t sleep, and on the rare occasions she could, it was never for more than three of four consecutive hours.
Not able to refrain herself, she grabbed her phone and took a couple pictures. Originally she meant to just take one to send to the girls to apologize for not coming with them and warning them not to come knocking or barging in, but Camila was just too cute. She still had the hood of her onesie on, and one of her hands was fisted into Lauren’s shirt with Nala pinned under her arm. The most striking element though, was her face. Lauren hadn’t seen her face so relaxed in a very long time, even in her sleep she seemed to always be fighting off her demons, but not now, right now she looked perfectly at peace. Her traits were relaxed, the purple bags under her eyes had considerably lessened, she was even drooling a tiny bit! Lauren couldn’t get enough of it. Probably bothered by the low light emitted by the phone, Camila frowned in her sleep, and nuzzled into Lauren’s neck to cover her eyes.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’ll let you sleep.”

The girl relaxed again against her, and Lauren went back to her task of texting the girls a picture with the caption “No waffles for us, this one’s been asleep since 3:30!” She also sent one to Sinu with a simple “guess who’s been sleeping for 7 hours straight? Take care.” She knew how hard it all had been for Camila’s mom, especially when she had had to go back home to care for her father who was sick. Lauren had been updating her on Camila’s progress every week, it was a way for her to make amends for not realizing what was happening sooner. Back then her thoughts were clouded by her fear of her feelings for Camila, but she wouldn’t let it happen again.

After getting enthusiastic messages back from the girls and Sinu, she mechanically opened tumblr. She was completely addicted, and if Camila was going to sleep on her for a few more hours, she could use some distraction. What she did not expect was for the dashboard of her second account to be displayed, she had been scrolling through it yesterday when she decided to check on Camila, only to realize that she was gone. Forgetting to logout was beyond stupid, but since Camila was out she could quickly look at it, right?

It had all started after reading the fifty shades saga, she had just felt like reading more about the subject, not really knowing why. Reading more and more, she finally found herself reading an ageplay novella one night on the bus, and it was a revelation. Her relationships so far had always felt superficial and unsatisfying. That book, though, showed her a dynamic that really made butterflies bloom in her stomach. Words such as MDlg, ageplay, AB/DL, and so much more were given to her to understand and articulate her desires and needs better.
It was funny how obvious it htad been in a way, even the girls were always joking that she was the mom of the group. She enjoyed being in charge, she needed control, not because of some repressed god complex, no, she just craved to be needed, to nurture, to be the one in charge, she had always thought there was something really relaxing about helping others. Being able to help Camila like she did last night, was a dream come true. There were so many times where she had nearly snapped and tried something, but she had always hold back, knowing that -beyond the fact that it would ruin their friendship- it wouldn’t amount to anything if Camila did not want it. But yesterday Camila did want it, and she was now sprawled against her in a onesie with what was sure to be a very sore bottom. She could get used to this, she just really hoped Camila wouldn’t freak out once she would wake up.

“What time is it?”

Well, apparently it was time to find out.

“11:30, you’ve slept for 8 hours, baby! How do you feel?”

It was hard for the girl to wake up, her body not used to getting so much rest anymore.

“Sleepy…”

“No, no, no. Time to get up, or you won’t be able to sleep tonight.”

“But Laureeen! I’ll probably won’t sleep tonight anyway, and I’m so comfy right now!”

“Sleeping 12 hours in one go won’t make you feel better, you need to get back on a normal sleep schedule. You can whine all you want, but we’re getting up, and getting breakfast, baby.”

Once again, Lauren had used her firm and calm voice, her words were irrefutable, and Camila could literally feel the pull to obey them. To be honest, it had always been that way with Lauren. Camila was so intimidated at first, she was just so pretty, interesting, kind, smart, and just so so so hot! And then, for some unknown reason, Lauren had taken a liking to her, and Camila was simply in heaven. On top of being a wonderful person overall, she was also caring and affectionate, she was always there for her and had the sweetest attentions. The plush under her arm was a perfect example of that, she knew how precious it was to Lauren, she used to take it with her everywhere, and yet, she had given it to her without a second thought. Lauren was always so good to her, she just felt the need to please her in turn.

“Okay, but can we just cuddle 5 more minutes?”

“Alright, but don’t go back to sleep.”

She relaxed again, feeling Lauren rub her back in long strokes. She nuzzled back into her, the room was quiet, dark and intimate, making it easy for her to not second guess her actions. She loved the way she smelled, and the crook of her neck was the best spot: the mix of her perfume, her vanilla-scented shampoo and her own skin was perfect and addictive.

“Come on, time to get up.”

Camila just held on tighter.

“Camila.”

“No, please!”

“Camila, one.”

“One?”

“Yes, one, at three, I’m putting you back in the corner.”

“You wouldn’t!”

“Wanna bet?”

“But Lauren!”

“Two.”

“I’m up, I’m up!”

Camila didn’t feel like going back to the corner again. It was weird to be treated this way, apart from the fact that she was 20, she just never had that. Not that she was a spoiled brat, she was just treated like a small adult very early on, migrating from Cuba to Mexico then to the US, there was not much time to deal with a child’s antics. It was different for Sofia, things were good once in Miami, so her parents and her were making sure that she had the best childhood possible, though she had to admit that it had made her jealous before. 

Sitting up ended up being a very badly miscalculated move. She hadn’t really registered the pain since waking up, but she could definitely feel it now.

“Yeah, your butt’s probably going to be sore."

“I hadn’t really thought about that.”

“It’s part of the process, the spanking in itself is there to ‘absolve’ you if you will, it’s about doing penance, the pain is just a good reminder of why you shouldn’t disobey again. Works wonders, look at you!”

“How long is it going to hurt for?”

“I don’t know, show me so I can see the extent of it.”

“NO!!”

“Babe, you do realize I spanked that very same bottom yesterday, right?”

Camila’s face was crimson, to talk so explicitly of what had happened yesterday was embarrassing to say the least.

“Yeah, well I think you got to see it long enough.”

“Camila, don’t be ridiculous, just show me, I need to see if it bruised or not. I have some cream I can put on it.”

“Nope! I’ll just check in the bathroom.”

“Camila.”

“You can’t send me to the corner because I don’t want to show you my butt, Lauren!"

“No…But I can chase you!”

Lauren jumped out of bed and started chasing a squealing Camila around the room. There wasn’t much space, but the girl was good at dodging her. They’d been running around the couch for a bit, when Camila finally made a mistake, Lauren had her cornered. The door was just a few feet away, Camila was sure she could make it.

“Don’t even think about it, Camzi.”

There was a predatory glint in Lauren’s green eyes. Her voice was saccharine as if to tempt Camila -and she was tempted-, but she wasn’t going down without a fight! She raced toward the door, lowering herself to dodge Lauren’s arm, when suddenly she felt herself being pulled back. The tail! Of course, she had to be betrayed by her own onesie! Lauren pulled her back completely against her front.

“Got you!”

“You cheated!”

“You can’t cheat at chase, you either win or lose, and you, little one, just lost!”

She grabbed her around the middle and lifted her up, throwing her back on the bed.

“Lauren! My butt!”

“Oh right, nearly forgot that!”

“No!”

Lauren’s smile was mischievous when she started tickling Camila. Not being able to handle the tickles on her stomach, Camila turned on her stomach. Happy to see her ruse worked, Lauren climbed over her and sat down lightly on her back.

“There we go!”

“Lauren, noo!”

The girl was still out of breath and laughing a bit from the attack.

“What color, baby?”

Camila was stunned. She hadn’t expected that. She also knew that she had to be honest, like she had had to be during her spanking. It had been hard, yelling out for Lauren to stop only for Lauren to ask her what color she was, and have to admit that she was fine. It was liberating in a way, to be able to complain, but also knowing that if she really wasn’t comfortable she had words to express it.

“Yellow.”

The word was mumbled into the mattress. Lauren let herself grin at that, Camila had stopped struggling, and pulled her legs down. She knew she felt very embarrassed, but Lauren was so proud of how honest she was being. Getting up, she lied down beside her, stroking her back until Camila finally lifted up her face from the mattress and look at her.

“Thank you, baby, you’re being really good, you know that, right?”

Camila hid her face again at her words. It was so… Different! She didn’t know why, but she could feel heat bloom in her chest every time Lauren praised her. She could hear Lauren’s soft laughter, and then Lauren was kissing her temple. God, her crush on Lauren was pathetic, and the girl was just making it a lot harder when she was acting like that. How dared she be so perfect!

“Alright, let me take a look, still yellow?”

Camila just nodded, still hiding away in the mattress. She could feel Lauren’s hands carefully open the press buttons of her drop seat. It had felt like such a good idea when she ordered them, and it did make midnight runs to the bathroom easier, but having Lauren open it for her just made her feel so small.

“This drop seat is great, you should invest in more of those.”

“I don’t intend to be spanked again anytime soon.”

“Sure, it’s the thought that counts I guess.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Camila had turned her head in indignation, only to be faced with Lauren’s signature smirk.

“Well, I do have the weird feeling that we will have to renew the experience in the foreseeable future.”

“What? I’m good all the time!”

Lauren’s heart fluttered a bit. She had thought that Camila would tell her that she wouldn’t let her do it again, but like the talk about the corner this morning, Camila did no such thing.

“We’ll see about that…”

“I am!”

“How about a bet?”

“It’s not fair! You’re the one who decides, you could spank me just ‘cause you feel like it!”

This conversation was just getting better and better.

“How about that, I give you fair rules to follow, and if you fail to do so, then you’ll get a spanking?”

“Well…That sounds fair. What rules?”

“You have to let me think a bit.”

“Ok, but what do we get if we win?”

“What do you want?”

“I want…Oh! I want to get full control over your Twitter, Instagram and snapchat for a day!!”

“Alright.”

“Why are you acting like you don’t mind?”

“Cause you won’t win, baby!”

“Ok, then what do you want if you win?”

“The satisfaction of being right and spanking you should be good enough.”

“That’s not how bet works, Lauren.”

“Then what should I get?”

“I don’t know, something nice.”

“How about you do something nice if I win?”

“Like what?”

“Whatever you’ll feel like doing.”

Camila though about it for a while, not even paying attention to the way Lauren was examining her butt.

“Ok, that works. Are you done?”

“Yeah, you did bruise a bit in some places, go grab a shower, and I’ll apply some cream on it.”

“So bossy!”

“Careful with your tone young lady!”

She playfully spanked her thigh. Camila jumped out of bed, giggling as she raced to the bathroom door and locked it.

“Can’t get me now!”

“You seem really eager to do something nice for me.”

“There’s no rules for now, I can’t break them!”
“Go shower, smarty-pants! I’ll work on your rules in the meantime.”

Seconds later the shower was on, that’s also at that moment that Lauren realized Camila hadn’t taken anything to change into. Grabbing her keys, she went to get her a change of clothes. She was grinning like a fool going down the corridor, life was good.

Chapter Text

The hot shower was doing wonders on Camila’s body and mind, she hadn’t felt so rested in months. It was great to have Lauren by her side again, even if she was bossier than ever. She was always the best when it came to helping her figure out what to do. She was doing her best, but it was still hard to deal with everything, Lauren was making it all better. Who would have thought that a spanking –of all things- would help? She didn’t really know what to think of it, and it was a bit scary to think about its implications. What if she needed it from now on to sleep? From how sore her butt was, she knew it was not a good solution, and it’s not like she could go to Lauren every night to ask for a spanking…

Last night finally really downed on her. Oh god! How was she even supposed to face Lauren again? She had literally asked her to discipline her! Of course, Lauren would never say no to that! She was a sweetheart and would do anything to help her!

“Camz? I grabbed some clothes for you, I put them on the bed! I’m gonna go make your protein shake and I’ll grab us some breakfast. Don’t put your pants on!”

“Lauren!”

“First rule, put your health first. That means that you need to wait so I can put some cream on your bruises.”

“Well I can do it myself, for your information!”

“Do you want the second rule to be: don’t be insolent?”

“No…”

“Then, if something doesn’t feel right or you’re not happy about it, you can come and talk to me, but snapping is not allowed. Understood?”

“Yes, sorry.”

“It’s okay, baby, but be careful or I will add it to the rules.”

“What are the other rules?”

“I’ll tell you about it when I come back. Finish your shower, Camz.”

Though she felt a bit sheepish at being reprimanded, it made her feel a bit better. Lauren’s reactions made her put things into perspective. Lauren was having fun, she was actually enjoying it; she was the one who had proposed the bet after all! Thinking back, she had always done that with Camila. Well, not that, but making sure that she was alright or ready for stuff. Maybe Camila wasn’t being a burden, maybe it was okay to need her for a bit. She finally ruled that worrying about it on her own would be useless anyway, so she went back to showering.

Once done and dry, she came out of the room, Lauren wasn’t back yet, so she hurried through putting on her clothes. Lauren had chosen one of her huge woolen sweater, she loved this one: it was big enough for the hem to cover her butt and the sleeves to cover her hands. To go with that she had picked some black leggings, which her butt was thankful for. She hesitated for a bit about putting on her panties or not. It was awkward to stand in the room in just a sweater, but she reasoned that it would make her lose her bet, it wasn’t worth it, so she put it back down on the bed.

“Now look who’s being obedient?”

Camila startled, not having heard the door open. She turned around clutching her towel.

“Don’t scare me like that! Did you sneak up on me?”

“No, you were just really focuses on your underwear, it seems. Any reason for that?”

“…Just checking what you had chosen!”

“Second rule: no lying to me.”

“…I was weighing my options I guess.”

It was adorable, Camila was standing there, only wearing her oversized cream-colored sweater and a pout. Unable to refrain herself, Lauren puller her against her and kissed her temple.

“No need to pout, I’m very proud that you followed my request. I know it’s not easy. Come on, let’s do this so we can eat.”

Things did not go as Camila had pictured them, Lauren had just put her over her knees like the previous night, and pulled the sweater up a bit to apply the cold cream.

“Is this really necessary?”

“It will heal faster.”

“I meant being put over your knees, Lauren.”

“Oh, that? Just convenient I guess.”

“Bullshit!”

“Do you want a rule about swearing too?”

“Abuse of power!”

“Yeah, yeah, stop squirming.”

“You’re just doing it to embarrass me.”

“No, I’m doing it to have a great view of the booty.”

“Ugh! I hate you!”

“No you don’t, I’m your celebrity crush. Now come here, sulky-pants.”

With some adjustments, Lauren managed to balance Camila on her lap, her knees wide apart so her sore and now sticky bottom wouldn’t be in contact with her jeans. Camila cuddled close to her, feeling safe and soothed in the girl’s embrace.

“You’re mean.”

“Am I, really?”

“…No…”

“Good, ‘cause you know I adore you, you’re my little Camzi!”

“Sto-op!”

“My little pink princess!”

“Lauren!”

She started peppering kisses on Camila’s cheeks. It wasn’t usual in any way, but it felt right for both of them. Camila couldn’t hold back her giggles.

“I’m sorry, Camzi, do you forgive me?”

“Maybe you should go in the corner for a bit, and think about what you’ve done.”

“Stealing my lines, now? That’s not how it works.”

“Well that seems pretty unfair.”

“Does it?”

“Yeah! What can’t I spank you?”

“Do I deserve a spanking?”

“You’ve been teasing me!”

“Should I also add “no teasing” to the rules?”

“…No.”

“And why that?”

“…Because it’s fun, and I know you’re not being serious.”

“Look how bright that small thing is!”

“I’m not small!”

“Baby, I’m pretty sure I can fit you in my suitcase!”

“Well, yeah, I mean, I do fit in a suitcase.”

“What were you doing in a suitcase?!”

“It was DJ’s idea!”

“You do realize something could have gone wrong, and you would have been stuck??”

“…It sorta did. The plastic sort of bent, and Dinah couldn’t open it anymore, we had to ask Big Rob.”

“How the hell am I only hearing about this now?”

The girl just shrugged.

“Camila! You can’t do things like that! It’s dangerous! Rule number three: You’re not allowed to do reckless things.”

“That’s why we didn’t tell you.”

“You’re lucky I’m even letting you be out of my sight!”

There was a lot more emotion in Lauren’s voice than she was expecting. It was clear to Camila that she wasn’t just talking about the suitcase incident.

“…I’m okay, now. You know that, right? I know it looked bad, but I’m good now, and I’m really working on getting even better.”

She was softly tracing the dragonfly tattoo at the back of the Lauren’s neck. Lauren pulled her even closer, and hid her face in her neck. She knew seeing her in the hospital had been hard for her, the last time she had went, it was to say goodbye to her grandma. Lauren had really done a 180 after visiting Camila, she had been distant for the past couple month, but after that, she had made sure to go with her to each and every doctor’s appointments, checked that she was taking her meds and was watching over her like a hawk.

“I should have seen it, Camz. I should have known, but I wasn’t looking. I was avoiding you, for no good reason either! And it just happened! You have no idea how awful that day was, I had to wait 8 hours to be sure that you were fine.”

Both girls were crying now.

“It’s not your fault, nobody saw, I didn’t even notice how bad it had gotten!”

“Because you don’t take care of yourself, Camila! You never put yourself first! Baby, just imagine if it had happened while you were driving, or in the stairs, or even crossing the road!”

Clearly, Lauren had been torturing herself with those thoughts for a while. Camila didn’t know what to do to calm her down. She had one hand buried in her hair, lightly scratching her scalp, the other stroking her back, feeling every sob and shudder.

“Don’t think about it, okay? It wasn’t my time, I’m good, I’m right here, and so are you…right?”

She couldn’t hide the small amount of doubt in her voice. It had been really hard to see Lauren avoid her, thankfully Dinah had been around to distract her.

“I’ll never do that again, baby, you hear me? Never again, I’m so sorry, I love you so much!”

“I love you too.”

Neither understood how deeply the other meant it, but they were content in their little bubble of tenderness. After a while, Lauren pulled back, drying her tears, before drying Camila’s, and kissing her cheek.

“Okay, baby, let’s pull ourselves together, and get this day started! What do you think of going shopping?”

Camila nodded with a sweet smile, lost in her eyes. After a moment of hesitation, she kissed Lauren’s cheek in turn.

“Uhm, kisses! That was well worth this little meltdown!”

Lauren’s voice was playful again. She looked beautiful, eyes closed, face tilted back in invitation, Camila couldn’t resist and starting peppering her cheeks with kisses just like Lauren had done earlier. Lauren let herself fall dramatically on her back, pulling Camila with her. Soon they were just cuddling, letting the last remnants of sadness dissipate in the air.

“Alright, the booty should be dry now.”

She let one of her hand slide down Camila’s back to check, but before she could “touch the butt,” Camila slapped her hand away.

“Ouch! No hitting!”

“No grabbing!”

“What? I was just checking!”

Lauren had her smirk back on, and Camila wanted to slap it away, or maybe kiss it away, maybe both, but probably the first one. Ugh! Anyway, she couldn’t help laughing at her antics. Lauren was always good at changing the mood, even with her eyes still red from crying.

“‘The booty’ is indeed dry, so turn around so I can finish getting dressed.”

Lauren just rolled over on the mattress, and waited until she was done. They quickly ate their now cold breakfast, and Lauren was happy to see that the girl seemed to have a bigger appetite than usual this morning, if we could still call this morning, as it was way past noon. They cleaned up, and grabbed what they needed for the day. Lauren had received a message from the girls while she was downstairs telling her that they would be at the mall if they wanted to join them. At the door, Lauren checked Camila, she looked so pretty: she had put on a pair of big brown leather boots and a big scarf which all looked awesome with what Lauren had picked for her. As an afterthought she grabbed one of her beanies and put in on Camila’s head.

“It’s not even that cold!”

“You’re a tiny thing, you’re no match for the wind outside.”

“I’m not-“

“If you’re really too warm, I’ll put it in my bag, deal?”

Camila agreed with an eye roll.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me, or I’ll change my mind.”

“Fine, let’s go! But it’s ridiculous, you’re literally just wearing a T-shirt, a bomber jacket and a beanie! I look like I’m going to the North Pole beside you!”

“Fine!”

Lauren hurriedly took it all off, and hurried to her suitcase to put on her black “uh huh honey” sweater.

“Good?”

“The beanie.”

Lauren made a show of putting it back on, then grabbed her keys, and Camila’s hand to make her way downstairs where an uber was already waiting for them.

Chapter Text

“So, what are the rules?”

Lauren had been engrossed by her phone for nearly 5 minutes now, she hadn’t seen Camila get on the middle seat, and was a bit startled when she felt her breath against her ear.

“Camila, where is your seatbelt?”

“Geez, give me a minute, I just moved! And maneuvering those things with my sleeves is hard!”

Without saying a thing, Lauren grabbed it from her hands and fastened it for her, making sure that it was correctly set.

“Thanks…”

Lauren had a stern expression on her face. Camila was in trouble, and the fact that Lauren was slowly inching toward her ear did not give her butterflies for once.

“If that happens again, bet or no bet, I’ll pull you over my knees, understood little girl?"

Camila automatically looked down at her lap and nodded. As she started playing with her sleeves, she could feel tears building up. She knew it had been a stupid move to change spot. Her reasons were even stupider, it had rubbed her the wrong way that Lauren wasn’t paying attention to her for some reason.

“I’ll let it slide this time, because I didn’t actually give you all the rules, but it’s the first and last t-… Baby, are you crying?”

It was crazy how this one tear falling on Camila’s sleeve had made her tone go from murderous to soft and careful.

“Camzi, look at me, what’s going on?”

She knew she had not held back her words, but Camila looked a bit too ashamed of herself for it to be the reason.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

“No, it’s…”

She knew she had to tell the truth, she felt like it was the least she could do after breaking the third rule. Remembering that there was actually someone driving the car, she decided instead to whisper it in her ear.

“You were ignoring me…”

“What do you mean, Camila?”

Lauren was not amused right now. The simple idea that Camila had done it in purpose riling her up all over again.

“…You were on your phone…and you didn’t even give me the rules! You haven’t even talked to me since we left the hotel…”

“Camila, we left exactly 7 minutes ago.”

“I know…”

Camila was whiny, and as much as Lauren wanted to take her in her arms and soothe her insecurities, they were in public. Their newly acquired fame was not the easiest thing to deal with, things were simply not as simple as when they were hiding away in her room, and Camila knew that too.

“Baby, we’re in a taxi.”

“I know!”

“Watch your tone. You’re already in trouble, little girl.”

Lauren was back to her calm and firm voice, clearly aware that Camila was struggling. The girl’s feelings were all over the place. She was feeling restless and unsettled, and too hot and stifled! It was absurd, and now she was in trouble! And those stupid tears!

“Okay, come here.”

“But the driver?”

“The driver will say what he wants, I’m not letting you have a breakdown.”

The small girl cuddled against her side as close as she could, relieved to be in contact with Lauren again.  

“Do you want to talk about it, now?”

“I don’t wat to talk about it, period.”

“That’s not happening, baby. No more bottling up emotions.”

“Is that a rule?”

Lauren finally realized what was going on. The rules! Of course! It was stupid, but Lauren had just felt nervous about them, worried that Camila would change her mind at the realization, and that all this –whatever this was- would come to an end. It was selfish in a way, she just wanted a few more moments. Those past hours had been like a dream come true, and she wasn’t ready to pop that bubble, but she had it all wrong. Camila wanted the rules, she craved to be given limits; there was nothing to worry about.

“I’m sorry, baby. I should have given you the rules before we left the room. How about this: I tell you the rules right now and tell you about our afternoon?”

“What if I don’t like the rules?”

“We can discuss them if some make you feel uncomfortable, but ultimately the choice comes down to me. Ready?”

Camila nodded in the crook of neck, already feeling a bit better knowing that.

“Alright. First rule: Always put your health and wellbeing first. Second rule: You’re not allowed to lie to me. And you’re not a good liar so don’t even try! Third rule: Don’t be reckless. No more seatbelt or suitcase incident, or I’ll have your ass. Fourth rule: When I say it’s time to go to bed, you go to bed. It’s time we start really working on your sleeping schedule. Fifth rule: if at any point you feel uncomfortable, you tell me or use your colors. And final one: no pizza.”

“WHAT?? How long is this bet supposed to last??”

Lauren burst out laughing, she knew that one would get a reaction out of her.

“I’m kidding! It wouldn’t be fair, you already have no chance of winning; I might as well make it last a bit! How does a week sound?”

“Deal, and for your information, I will win!”

“Of course you will.”

“Don’t say that…I can be good!”

“Baby, I know how good you can be for me or others, but when it comes to you…”

“I’m just…not used to thinking like that.”

“I know, that’s why I want to do that for you. Would you let me, baby? Make sure you’re good for yourself?”

Butterflies were exploding through Camila’s stomach. She was always trying to deal with things on her own by fear that she would bother people; but here, Lauren was offering. She wanted to do that for her, she wanted to be that person. Once again rendered speechless by Lauren, she nodded.

“Any rectification?”

“No.”

“Good, how about I tell you about our afternoon, and what I was looking at on my phone instead of looking at you?”

Camila blushed, she couldn’t explain why she had felt that way, but she was glad that Lauren’s attention was back on her, nonetheless.

Lauren turned back on her phone, and showed her screen to Camila.

“‘Tricks to help children sleep?’ I’m not a child, Lauren!”

“Yeah, well grown-up stuff hasn’t really been working, now has it? We’ve tried everything: breathing patterns, meditation, acupuncture points, no phone nor TV before bed, exercising more in the morning, and I know you even tried those hypnosis videos on YouTube!”

“That doesn’t mean that kid stuff would work!”

“Does it mean, though, that we shouldn’t even try?”

“…I guess not.”

“Stop pouting, look how cute those microwaveable plushies are! It has lavender in it to help you relax and sleep better! They sell them at the mall, we’ll check it out! They also suggest ceiling projectors, apparently it’s pretty great, and don’t whine, they have some for adults too, cause it works for everyone! That, a big blanket, and some toys and we should be good.”

“Toys??”

“Don’t make that face, I’ve seen how much you enjoy playing with Sofi! And I was thinking like adult coloring books, maybe a puzzle or something and kinetic sand.”

“I thought I was supposed to be sleeping, not playing!”

“Yes, but you were right about something, without TV or your phone you were pretty much left with nothing to do, and reading only makes things worse because you never put a book down before finishing it! You said it yourself, you were growing restless laying down in bed for long periods of time! So instead, before bed you can take your mind off things by doing a little activity!”

“You really thought it through, huh?”

Lauren got even closer to Camila’s ear.

“I always think of you, baby. I wasn’t ignoring you, I was just figuring it all out before showing you. I’ll never ignore you on purpose again, okay?”

“…okay.”

Camila’s voice didn’t sound convinced, it broke Lauren’s heart that Camila might even think she could do it again.

“How about this, if I ever do it again, I’ll let you send me to the corner and spank me, alright?”

Camila stared at Lauren’s face for a while, trying to detect any hint that would show she wasn’t being sincere, but she couldn’t find any.

“Pinky swear?”

“Pinky swear.”

Once done, they didn’t disconnect their fingers.

“We’re supposed to meet the girls at forever 21, we can hang out with them, and then we’ll go see if we can find everything we need, alright?”

“Okay.”

She felt a bit drained, she might even have been able to fall asleep right there against Lauren.

“You can’t fall asleep, you know that, right?

“I know, I just feel really tired.”

“Tell me what you want to do at the mall.”

“I want to go to Cold Stone and get banana ice cream.”

“We definitely can do that. What else?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t need anything?”

“Toothpaste…and fluffy socks.”

“Right, we wouldn’t want you to be out of fluffy socks!”

“They just look so comfy! Mani has some; I want some too.”

“Alright, we’ll get you fluffy socks.”

Lauren brought their still joined hands to her mouth and kissed it.

A few minutes later they were at the mall, and making their way toward Forever 21, hand in hand. Finding the girls was pretty easy, they were neither the quietest nor the most discreet in general.

“Hey! You guys made it!! Oh, Camila you look so cute!”

Ally was the first to notice them, and went to greet them with a hug.

“How do you feel, Mila?”

“I’m good, Ally. Thanks! I feel a lot better.”

“Yo, sleeping beauty! How was waking up?”

“It sucked, CheeChee! I wanted to go back to sleep, but Lauren wouldn’t let me.”

“Ah, so no kiss of true love to break the spell?”

“Shut it, DJ!”

Camila started chasing after Dinah. She had confessed her feelings for Lauren to her one night, and since then she was constantly teasing her about it.

“Don’t break anything!”

“These two are impossible! So how is Mila?”

“She’s good, Mani. Not as good as she might say she is, but she definitely feels more rested and has a better appetite.”

“So, DJ told us you guys slept in the same room?”

“Yeah, she wasn’t too pleased when I went to put her back to bed. She was annoyed at me so she decided that if she couldn’t be on her phone or watch TV, neither could I! So she followed me back to my room.”

“As if having your little Camzi beside you could ever annoy you!”

Lauren could feel herself blush, Normani had figured out her feelings for Camila a long time ago, and never missed an opportunity to mess with her.

“So how did you manage to make her sleep?”

Having an answer prepared for that question, would have been great… Sadly she didn’t have one.

“Well, uh, we had a bit of a heart to heart about the accident and stuff, we both cried, and I think it just drained her.”

Normani had her classic “bullshit” face on.

“I know you’re lying, but I’m not sure I want to know the truth. But, good for you guys!”

Lauren’s blush only intensified. That was exactly why she was so careful with her tumblr accounts now. A few months ago, she had meant to show Mani a post she had liked, but she didn’t check which one was open, and Mani got a very colorful peek at Lauren’s secret.

“It was nothing like… It wasn’t like sex-”

“Nope! I think we can close the subject. It’s all good, I mean if anything, it’s awesome if it helps her!”

“What are you guys talking about?”

“Nothing Ally, wow, this dress looks awesome on you!”

Lauren sent a thankful smile to Normani, who just winked back at her.

“Lauren!! Look, they have pizza-themed socks!”

“Baby, they have pizza-themed everything! And you can’t buy 5 pairs of pizza socks.”

“Why?”

“Because you also want fluffy socks, and we’re not buying that many socks, you have plenty already!”

“But-!”

“No but, choose 2, and put the others back!”

“How about three? I really want the “all I care about is pizza” ones.”

“Nope. Two, end of the story.”

Camila sulked back toward the sock aisle. Lauren watched her go with a smile, then felt 2 pairs of eyes on her.

“Since when does Camila ask anyone if she can buy stuff?”

Thinking back on it, it was true that Lauren had never actually asked Camila to check with her.  She tried not to overanalyze the moment, but it had to mean something, right?

“I…She had Sinu on the phone coming here. When she told her we were going shopping, she was told not to spend too much. I’m just making sure that she does as she was told!”

“Oh! That’s nice!”

If Ally was easily swayed, the same could not be said about Normani. She didn’t comment on it in front of Ally, but she was wearing her thoughts on her face.

“So, I’ll go take a look around, see you guys!”

Going through the aisles, she didn’t see much for herself. Now that she was mostly shopping online for shirts and sweaters, she wasn’t as attracted by what stores had to offer, preferring giving her money to small stylists and artists. She was about to join back the girls, when her eye fell on a pink graphic t-shirt with “Being Bad Ain't Easy" written on it. It put a smile on her face just imagining the face Camila would make seeing it! Without a second thought she grabbed the right size, and went looking for the girl.

Camila was sitting on the floor, still in the sock aisle. Lauren wondered how undecided could someone be about pizza socks, but on closer inspection, what Camila was looking at wasn’t pizza socks. It was a pair of pink pointelle-knit crew socks with a white ruffled lace trim.

“Those are cute.”

It made Camila jump. She hadn’t heard Lauren approaching, it was a bit late now to try to hide what she was holding.

“It would extra pretty with your high heeled boots and a skirt.”

“…You think?”

“I’m sure.”

“…You don’t think they look too childish?”

“Isn’t that part of the appeal? Give me that, here, it’s a gift now.”

“Thanks Lauren.”

“You’re welcomed, baby. Now get up, the ground is filthy!”

She helped her up, and kept her hand in hers as they were making their way toward the checkout. They did a few more shops with the girl, Lauren even found Camila a pair of fluffy socks: it the face of a koala on it, and had little fuzzy ears poking on each side. A couple hours later, Lauren could see that Camila was getting tired, she was leaving less and less her side and would even lean on her from time to time. The girls were excitedly making their way toward a M.A.C store when Lauren decided it was time to take a small break.

“Guys, we’ll sit this one out, we’ll be over there on the benches.”

“Alright, see you later!”

“Come on, let’s take a break baby.”

Camila was exhausted, her brain scrambled by all the sensory stimulations around her. So much noise, and people, and smells, and worst all: things to see. She couldn’t decipher one shop from the next anymore, she felt nearly nauseous. It felt good to finally sit down, and when Lauren told her to lie down, she did as she was told. To block out the world, she put her head on Lauren’s lap and pushed her face against her soft stomach.

“It was a bit too much, wasn’t it? You need to tell me when that happens! There is no need to overwhelm yourself.”

Camila stayed silent, just nodded, loving the feeling of Lauren’s soft sweater rubbing against her face.

“Alright, put this on.”

Turning around, she saw the dangling earpods, and put them on. Soft chill music was playing, the absence of lyrics was a relief. Now, all she could feel was the music, Lauren’s hand going through her hair, and her perfume on her sweater.

She was between sleep and awake when the girls must have come back. She could feel Lauren talk to them as the pattern of her breath changed, making the sweater rub her face differently. It felt good, so she nuzzled even closer. Sometimes she wished she could just borrow into Lauren forever. Things were just so much easier when she was with her. What finally woke her up for good was when someone took off one of her earpods.

“Come on, Baby. The girls are going back to the hotel, say goodbye.”

“Bah Gaz”

Her words were muffled by Lauren’s sweater.

“Camzi, come on, get up, and say bye.”

She whined doing it, but she did get up, and hugged everyone goodbye.

“You guys ain’t going back with us?”

“Nah, we wanted to check another store before leaving, and I promised Camz some Cold Stone; but we’ll be back before dinner! I’ll text you guys, be safe.”

As soon as they were out of sight, Camila sat back down on Lauren’s lap.

“Baby, you know we can’t do that here. Come on, let’s go get you some banana ice cream to wake you up.”

Camila was not having that whole “no-touching in public,” it was ridiculous! Especially after spending 20 minutes with her head on her lap. In rebellion, -and maybe also because she was tired and a bit cranky, and wanted Lauren close- she latched onto her hand and let Lauren guide her to Cold Stone. A double scoop of banana ice cream with slices of bananas, peanut butter and chocolate shavings later, Camila was much more content. She felt so full she could explode, but the sugar rush was making her feel energized.

“Alright, bathroom first, you are a mess! Next time we go grocery shopping, remind me to get some baby wipes, we really need to invest in those.”

“It started melting too fast! It’s not like I could do anything about it!”

Before she could do it herself, Lauren had wetted some paper hand towels and was clearing her face from the remains of her ice cream.

“I could do that.”

“Doesn’t mean I couldn’t do it too. Come on, first top: Barnes & Nobles.”

After much whining and stomping about not being a kid (how ironic!), Camila ended up picking two color by number coloring books: Dogs in Hats by Nona Meyers and the first volume of the great Disney classics, which, surprise, surprise, was actually in the kid aisle! An aisle that Camila insisted on visiting after declaring that the adult one was boring, and that she didn’t want to color fish or butterflies.

Their final stop was a toy store. Lauren found the kinetic sand right away.

“What color do you want?”

“I don’t care, this is stupid.”

“Camila.”

“Ugh! The galaxy one!”

It was a bundle set with blue, purple and black sand. A good choice according to Lauren, so she decided to put it in the cart and kept walking. She ignored Camila’s attitude, and just grabbed her hand, dragging her further into the store.

“Oh! Puzzles, great! Which one do you want?”

“I don’t like puzzles.”

“Camila, why are you being so difficult?”

“No, I really just don’t like puzzles! I’m always like sitting on the piece I’m looking for or losing the last one, and you need to like sort through them first… there’s nothing relaxing about puzzles!”

“Ok, my bad, I see your point. Oh! I know, what about a perplexus?”

“A what?”

“It’s basically a sphere with an obstacle course in it, the goal is to make the ball go through the whole course without dropping it. Wait, let me find one.”

The second it was in Camila’s hands she started trying it. At first just to get the idea, but then because it was pretty addictive and challenging. Lauren couldn’t hold back a self-satisfied grin.

“Alright, you’ll have all the time to play with it once we’ll be back, put it in the cart, baby.”

Camila was reluctant to do it at first, but her curiosity was picked to see what else Lauren had in mind, maybe it wasn’t so bad. Admittedly, there were a couple toys she had always dreamed of owning. It could just stay between the two of them. This time she was the one to grab Lauren’s hand.

“See? It’s not so bad! Let’s go check out those plushies now!

The brand had a ridiculously large selection, ranging from pink bunnies to unicorn onesie-wearing glittery sheep. That was way worse than the pizza socks situation, how was she supposed to only pick one? She turned back to Lauren, clearly overwhelmed by the task.

“Wow, okay, that’s a lot to choose from. How about we go progressively, pick all the ones that you like, and then you’ll eliminate them one by one.”

That did seem easier. It lasted a good fifteen minutes, Camila going back and forth from the aisle to the cart. Lauren was glad to see that nobody seemed to have recognized them, so she could let Camila take her time.

She was down to three, a very soft elephant, a blue dragon and a pink unicorn. She looked pleadingly at Lauren.

“No Camila, three is too much, you have to make a choice.”

“With that kind of attitude, we wouldn’t be in a successful girls band now, you know!”

“With that kind of attitude, you’ll end up in the corner. Now pick.”

She was holding all three of them, looking heartbroken, as if she had to sacrifice one of her own children.

“Sorry Mr. Elephant, you have a lot of talent, just not the x factor.”

Lauren amusedly rolled her eyes at her antics, quickly committing the plush to memory, just in case she had to buy a gift for Camila. She wanted to cave, she really did, but she had to show Camila that she didn’t come back on her words, and would set limits and not back down from them.

“Okay, we’re good.”

“No, I said one, Camila.”

“The dragon’s not for me, it’s for you. It’s a gift.”

“Oh is it?”

“Yup, cause you’re a dragon, and you’re in love with the unicorn.”

“So you’re the unicorn to my dragon?”

“Duh!”

Such a smartass! Lauren had forgotten about that video and subsequent tweet, or rather she had repressed it really well. To hear Camila refer to it was making her heart flutter in the best way. Making sure that nobody could see them, she pulled her arm over her shoulder and kissed her temple, staying there a bit longer to take in the smell of her shampoo now that wasn’t wearing Lauren’s beanie anymore.

“Camz, why does your hair smell like a baby’s head?”

“I read on tumblr that is was really great for your hair. I’ve been losing a lot of it since the accident, so I bought a bottle to try. I tried it for the first time today. Does it smell good?”

“Smells like heaven! New rule: you have to use this forever.”

“How is that a fair rule?”

“Oh, that’s not part of the bet, just in general.”

“So I have rules to follow in general, too now?”

“Apparently.”

Camila slapped her stomach in retaliation, which earned her yet another smack on her thigh, but Lauren didn’t bother moving from her spot

“No hitting! Other general rule if you hadn’t noticed! It’s not Johnson & Johnson, is it?”

“Mustela, less chemicals.”

“Good choice!”

Lauren was addicted. She felt like she had to pinch herself, this couldn’t be real! Honestly, if she had known, she would have reblogged those posts months ago so they would appear on Camila’s dash sooner! She had to calm down, especially now that it seems like there appeared to be an actual possibility that Camila might be tempted by the lifestyle. Slow and steady was the only way to go.

“Could we…Would you mind if we went to look at the Legos?”

It was easier to ask with Lauren this close, she didn’t have to look at her face. Yet, she definitely felt her smile against her temple, a smile quickly followed by a kiss.

“Good idea, Legos are awesome!”

Once again the choice was huge, but when her eyes fell over the box, she knew it was the one. She could vaguely hear Lauren talking behind her, but she wasn’t listening, her feet already making their way toward the box.

“…This is amazing! See that? They even have some for adults-. Oh! That’s a really good one! A three in one on top of that, great job, baby!”

I was a tree house building set, the pieces could be assembled in three different ways.

“My cousins had a lot of them, but they were all mixed together, and I could never figure out what the pieces were supposed to be.”

“Then it’s high time you get your very own set.”

“It’s okay, we don’t have to take it.”

“Nonsense, there’s it’s in the cart, too late now!”

As much as she was trying to repress it, Camila was getting excited. They were just toys, but for the first time she wasn’t dreading going to bed.

“Anything else?”

“No, thank you, that’s already a lot.”

“Let’s just have a look around before checking out, okay?”

They did a quick round, talking about the toys they used to love, and those they never understood.

“I had this aunt that would always buy me a porcelain doll for my birthdays, I hated those things! My mom finally took them out of my room when I refused to sleep in it anymore, because I felt like the dolls were watching me!”

Camila was giggling away at her story.

“My favorite thing was Play-Doh, though! I could spend hours playing with it! I still do when I babysit my cousins.”

“I’ve never tried, I mean, once! In our first apartment in Miami, there was carpet pretty much everywhere, so my mom wouldn’t buy us some. When we got the house, she finally bought me a set, but turned out Sofi was allergic, so I donated it to our church.”

“What? No, we’re getting you a set! Play-Doh is so great, Camzi! I mean I’m really impressed at how selfless you were even at a young age, but we need to rectify this right now!”

Lauren grabbed the classic Fun Factory Deluxe Set. It was actually a really good idea, Camila would be able to use the molds with the kinetic sand, too. They had spent over an hour in the store by the time they came out, arms full of bags.

“Are we going back, now?”

“Nope, you still need toothpaste.”

“I’ll use yours.”

“Come on, I’ll let you sit in the shopping cart! I have to grab a few things.”

It was great, Camila didn’t remember how fun it was to just sit in the cart. She was quietly playing 1010! on her phone while Lauren was grabbing whatever she needed. It did completely change the grocery shopping experience, why did kids wanted out so badly? In there she didn’t have to worry about anything, or maybe just that some stranger didn’t grab the shopping cart. She lifted up her head, and it was indeed Lauren pushing it and smiling down at her.

“Hey! Doing okay in there?”

“Huh-uh.”

“They don’t have any good ceiling projectors, but how do you feel about a Sherpa throw blanket? Sounds good.”

“Yeah, those are super soft, Ally has one.”

“Alright, which one to do you want.”

“Whichever, I’m tired of choosing. You choose, I’m all out.”

And Camila did look tired, which was a good sign as it was nearly 6 pm. Taking some time to consider the options, Lauren finally chose a pink one with a sort of maze textured pattern on it. It was pretty heavy and was extra soft and fluffy.

“Good?”

Camila pulled up her sleeves to try it out, and it was perfect. The difference in textures on the pink side felt really good, and the other one was super soft.

“Perfect.”

“Okay, time to go back now.”

They were waiting for their Uber in a corner outside. The temperature had severely dropped since they had gotten there, so they were huddling close together, their bags littering the ground around them.

“You’ll have to tell me how much I owe you for all that, Lauren.”

“Uhm, like three cheek kisses, if I’m not mistaken?”

“No, but seriously.”

“I’m very serious, I wanted to do this for you, Camz.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s nothing, it wasn’t actually that much.”

That, Camila knew was a lie.

“No, I mean… Thank you for helping me, lo.”

“Always, baby.”

Lauren winked at her, and the butterflies were back.

“Well I guess there’s only thing left to do now.”

“What is it?”

Camila put her arms around Lauren’s neck and put three lingering kisses on her cheeks, then nuzzled close.

“I’m so glad I have you in my life.”

“As long as you’ll want me, I’ll be right here.”

“Then I hope you’re comfortable, this might last a couple eternities.”

They were back in their bubble, none of them were worrying about who might see or what might happen. They weren’t sure where they were going with this, but it didn’t matter, they had each other.

Chapter Text

Once they finally arrived, they went directly back to her room. The girls had sent them a text to say that they were sorry, but that they had eaten without them because they were starving, and they were taking too long. Once everything was put away, Lauren let herself fall on the bed and grabbed the room service menu.

“It’s getting late, what do you want for dinner, Camz?”

“I want pizza.”

“You already had ice cream, today.”

“Never stopped me from eating pizza, before.”

“Until you ended up in the hospital for malnutrition…”

“Now, blaming this on pizza is a bit too much, Lauren Michelle Jauregui Morgado!”

Lauren turned back toward her, an eye brow raised, appraising her skeptically.

“What? So you can full name me, and I can’t? You may make the rules, but I can still full name you whenever I want!”

“You’re unbearable.”

“You love me.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to like you.”

“Yes it does!”

Lauren didn’t answer, and focused back on the menu of the room service.

“Lauren! ...You like me! …Lo-oh!”

It wasn’t fair to play on that, but now that she knew how needy Camila could get when she didn’t have her full attention, she couldn’t help wanting to tease her about it. When she felt the bed dip beside her, she had to concentrate really hard to hold back a smile. The next second, Camila was pushing the menu away from her and plopping down on her lap

“Lolo!”

Camila wasn’t even looking her in the eyes, she was pouting down at Lauren’s sweater, gingerly picking lint off of it.

“Yes, Camzi?”

“You like me.”

“I love you.”

“Yes, but you like me too, right?”

“Oh! Look at that pouty face, such a cute little thing.”

To annoy her further, she squished her cheeks with one hand, holding her face close.

“Loooo!”

“Of course I like you, baby. You’re my favorite.”

“Of who?”

“Of everyone.”

Lauren gave her an Eskimo kiss before letting go of her face.

“Now, what do you want for Dinner? Don’t answer pizza, I want you to pick actual food!”

“Ugh! Can I get mac and cheese and chicken nuggets?”

“No, baby. From now on I want you to eat real food, you need to slow down on junk food or you won’t get better.”

“But they have the ones shaped like dinosaurs!”

“I said no, and if you continue I’ll send you to the corner, don’t forget your rules.”

At that, Camila whined and started wiggling around like a discontented child. Lauren frowned a bit in confusion, she had expected a snarky retort, but definitely not that.

“Camila, now tell me what you want.”

Unhappy with her situation, Camila let herself slide on the side until her head was lying on her arms on the mattress, still straddling Lauren.

“Camzi, what’s going on?”

“I’m not hungry.”

Just at that moment her stomach started grumbling.

“Did you just lie to me, little girl?”

Lauren’s tone was serious. Like a jack in a box, Camila sprung up.

“NO! I just… I don’t feel good, Lo.”

Her voice cracked on her name, her head was pounding, her stomach was in knots and she felt like she was going to throw up.

“You do look pretty pale, but your forehead’s not warm. Come on, you really need to eat something if you’re starting to feel sick.”

“Please, can I have the dinosaur nuggets?”

“I’m happy you asked so politely, but no baby, you can’t have the dinosaur nuggets. Since you’re not feeling fine, how do you feel about chicken noodle soup?”

“No, they make it so bland here!”

“There’s a Cuban restaurant not too far, how about I order una sopa de pollo?”

“Con fideos?”

“Yup! A good old Cuban chicken noodle soup, what do you think?”

“Okay.”

Lauren got up, keeping Camila in her arms who protested a bit at first, but then calmed down and settled once she realized that Lauren had no problem holding her up. Lauren wanted to keep her close, and with how clingy Camila was acting, it was safe to assume that she felt the same way. To grab her phone, she put her on her hip to free her arm the time to find and dial the restaurant. She ordered two soups, all the while softly rocking Camila up and down out of reflex. Camila’s face had found its way back to the crook of Lauren’s neck. The excitement she had felt while shopping was gone, and it seemed that during that respite, all her stress and anguish had just accumulated and had been released through her body all at once when they crossed the hotel doors.

“What’s going on in that beautiful little head?”

Camila just shrugged, hoping that Lauren wouldn’t put her down. Lauren had first feared that Camila had caught something while they were out, but then realized that it all felt really familiar.

“Do you know what triggered your anxiety, baby?”

Camila teared up at those words, how could she deserve someone like Lauren? Apart from the fact that she had understood what was going on, it was the way she was handling it that made Camila emotional. She hadn’t asked her what was wrong, even better she had actually implied that it was okay to not know what was wrong.

“…No…”

“It’s okay, how about we go over our schedule for the week?”

It was a trick that Lauren used on herself when she was feeling particularly overwhelmed. When things felt out of control and just too much, and she felt like quitting and moving back to Miami, she would sat down and go over their schedule, reducing each day to a series of tasks. It had become a reflex by now, and it made busy weeks a lot easier to handle, she just had to stick to the tasks for the day, and it would all get done. She had invested in a good planner app on her phone, and was always updating it, which really came in handy right.

Her arms were getting tired, so she walked to the armchair in the corner, and put Camila on her lap.

“Let’s look at it, okay? See, it’s a small week. Tomorrow is another free day, so we can do whatever you feel like doing. On Wednesday we have an interview in the morning, and then just dance rehearsals in the afternoon, then we’ll back on the bus on our way for Richmond, VA. Thursday, we have a radio show in the morning, so that means we’ll need to go to bed early the day before, and then the usual set for a concert day. Friday, we have the concert in Norfolk, and miracle! We have a free weekend!”

“Yeah, but then next week-“

“Next week is next week, you shouldn’t even be thinking about it yet. And it doesn’t change anything, as long as we do each task as and when we should, things are going to go just fine. We’re a team, a very big team, so if you can’t give a 100%, you have plenty of people around you that can help you achieve that. You have me, and you also have Ally, Mani and DJ, and then aaall the people that work with us and that are always ready to help you.”

Okay, well that made Camila feel better. She really liked how well organized Lauren’s planner looked, to see it all on paper made it far less overwhelming than just thinking about it. She could feel the knot in her stomach progressively loosen, maybe she could actually do it. The knock at the door announced that their dinner was here, Lauren got up, sitting Camila back down, and giving her her phone.

“There, you can look at it a bit longer while I get the door.”

Camila smiled up at her, and started going through each day again, letting her eyes roam on the carefully crafted tasks list. As much as she loved meeting their fans and singing, touring was still really hard for her. The rhythm was hectic and tensions tended to get high pretty fast after a couple months. They all loved each other but fatigue, stress and homesickness was a bad mix. Looking back up at Lauren who was closing the door, she couldn’t help but hoping that maybe, things would be different this time. Feeling a bit more confident, she quickly added a series of tasks to the lists.

“Time to eat, Camzi!”

She got up, and handed Lauren back her phone, then proceeded to give her a big hug, whispering in here ear how thankful she was to have her in her life. Lauren grabbed her by the sides and pulled her even closer to her, letting her be surrounded by Camila’s sweet clean baby smell.

“You’re welcome, baby. I want you to come to me when that happens, and we can work on making it better together, okay?”

“Is that another general rule?”

“Yes. And giving thank you hugs, too.”

“You’re a tyrant.”

“You love me.”

“Well, I learnt today that it doesn’t mean I have to like you…”

“And did you hear about the second rule you have to follow to win our bet?”

Lauren sounded very proud of herself, and Camila would have probably been exasperated if her voice wasn’t so husky and sexy, and so, so close to her ear.

“Fine, I like you.”

“See? Wasn’t so hard. Come on, the soup should be at the right temperature by now.”

Lauren kissed her cheek, and guided her toward the table. They ate in silence, both a lot hungrier than they had originally thought they were. Once they were done, Camila insisted on clearing the table while Lauren took her shower, since she had made it and paid for dinner. Now alone in the room, Camila found herself bored pretty fast. It was funny how used she had become to Lauren’s constant presence. She jumped when she heard a knock at the door. Through the peek-hole she saw that it was just Dinah, so she quickly opened.

“Hey! Are you guys doing anything? I’m bored, and Ally and Mani are skyping with their families.”

“No, Lauren is showering.”

“And what are you doing?”

“Nothing, I don’t know what to do.”

“How about you start by showing me what you got at the mall today?”

Dinah just started to make her way toward the bags before Camila could react.

“Oh my god, you guys went to Toys’r’us without me? I love this place, makes me wish I was a kid so I could get all the toys now that I have the money! Who did you get stuff for?

When Dinah turned around she noticed right away that Camila was uncomfortable. She was playing with her bottom lip with one hand, and kept glancing back at the bathroom door. Camila didn’t know what to do, on the one hand she wanted to deny even knowing about the existence of this bag, but on the other hand, she was sharing a tour bus with her and Lauren this year, so maybe it would be better to just admit it right away? Why couldn’t Lauren already be back? She would know what to say!

“Camila?”

“Yeah, huh…It’s not really for someone. I mean! Yes, it is for someone! It wouldn’t make any sense if not, but like, uhh…”

“Hey DJ, what are you guys doing?”

“Camila is rambling about those toys not being for someone, or something like that. Who are they for?”

“They’re Camila’s. New bedtime routine.”

“What? You get to play with toys as part of your treatment?? Ugh! Why don’t ever have cool treatments!”

“Well, she’s not allowed any screen-time at night, so I’m not sure you would actually like it.”

“True that! Okay, but why toys?”

“Well, being bored doesn’t exactly helps when you can’t sleep, and you know how bad she is once she starts reading! I looked for other ideas, but knitting seemed a tad bit too dangerous to be worth it, so yeah, toys.”

“Yeah, I see what you mean, what did you guys get?

Camila still hadn’t moved or said a word, so Lauren lightly pushed her toward the bag, nodding with a smile when Camila looked back at her with uncertainty. Without a word she sat on the floor by the bag, quickly followed by Dinah. Lauren stayed close, just in case things went wrong. She had heard the whole conversation from the bathroom, she was going to let Camila handle it the way she wanted, but when the rambling started she decided to say it for her. It was rather smart, they were going to share a bus with Dinah, so it might be better if she knew, that would be one less thing for Camila to worry about.

“PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS KINETIC SAND!!”

“Uhm, yeah, it was Lauren’s idea.”

“That’s so cool!! Can we open it? You know how they always have some on display that you can play with? I ALWAYS play with it, I don’t even care how many hands it was in before! Can we open it?”

“Lauren said we had to wait until we had boxes to put it in. She forgot to buy some at Walmart.”

“Hey! You were there, too!”

“I’m not the one that made the stupid rule that it couldn’t be open until we had the boxes.”

“You have plenty of other stuff, just chose something else. You’ll play with it in the bus.”

Both Camila and Dinah exchanged disappointed looks.

“Oookay, what else do you have then, other than the best thing in the world?”

Lauren rolled her eyes at the pair. She would definitely have to hide the sand until they were back on the bus, she didn’t want them to try to go on some secret mission during the night to retrieve it.

“I have some color by number coloring books?”

“Aww! The dogs one looks so cute!”

As Dinah kept reacting in a positive way, Camila was feeling less and less shy.

“The Disney one is really cool too, like look! You can’t really know what it is you’re coloring until you start, because it’s all mixed up lines!”

“You’re gonna have to get like a huge box of coloring pencils!”

“Lauren bought me the 152 ultimate Crayola crayon box!”

“Lauren, you gotta stop spoiling her…and start spoiling me! Where’s my kinetic sand ultimate bucket at??”

That made all three girls crack up. They kept looking at the stuff in the bag, it had definitely been different from what she had first expected, and she really hoped she could play with them with Camila from time to time, it looked like they all were pretty chill activities. She did make Camila swear on her first born that she wouldn’t ever play Legos on the ground of the bus, though. No way was she gonna have those evil traps anywhere near her feet.

“Come on baby, time to go shower.”

“But-!”

“You’ll play after, now is shower time! It’s part of your new routine.”

Camila pouted, but she did get up, hugged Dinah goodnight, and went.

“You’re good with her, you know that?”

“Thanks, DJ. I try.”

“No really, you take good care of her. I don’t know what you guys have been doing, and I don’t care- no let’s be real, I wanna know, I’m the captain! But I get it if you want it to stay between you guys, but it’s really doing some good. She’s looking more and more like her old self -apart from being like glued to your side!”

“It’s nothing like that…”

“Maybe not yet, but I pray every night that you guys will just stop being idiots.”

“Dinah, it’s not that simple.”

“If you think she sees you just as a friend, you need to buy new eyes.”

“I-…Wha-?”

“Gosh, you guys really deserve each other, you dumbasses! Alright my job here is done. Good night Lauren.”

She even added a little eyebrow wiggle at that, before fleeing the scene.

Lauren just stood there flabbergasted. Before she could even start going over the implications of Dinah’s words, she heard a loud bang coming from the bathroom. In half a second flat, she was at the door, uselessly trying to open the door.

“BABY! CAMILA!! Are you okay, baby can you hear me?”

Pictures of Camila with her skull cracked open were flashing through her mind, and there she was stuck behind that stupid door, while Camila was maybe bleeding out on the ground!

“Ouch!”

“Oh my god! Camila are you okay? Please open the door baby! Can you do that?”

Relief flooded through her when she heard steps coming toward the door, and –finally!- the door clicked open.

“I think I broke my butt.”

Lauren was on her in an instant, checking every last limb of her body.

“What happened?”

“My foot slipped, and I fell on my butt.”

Camila could hardly hold back her tears, apart from the shock of thinking she was going to die for a second, her butt was really killing her. It would have hurt either way, but since it was already bruised, it was like the worst pain her bottom had ever been in.

“Okay, show me the booty, let’s make sure you didn’t actually break something. Take off your towel.”

“Lauren! …I’m uncovered!”

“Of course, you were in the freaking shower, Camz! Okay, just wait a second!”

Lauren quickly grabbed the sweater she had been wearing today, and pulled it gently over Camila’s head, and down her chest.

“There you go! Now off with that towel.”

Camila let it drop obediently, and turned around.

“Oh wow! That was some spanking that tub gave you, baby.”

Lauren tentatively pressed around to make sure that her tailbone was good, but thankfully, the booty was probably just going to bruise. Lauren loved that booty, she hated to see it in such a state. She had never hidden her obsession for Camila’s butt, she had started calling it “the booty” while they were still on the X factor, and damn, it had just gotten better and better!

“Lauren, could you stop giving a sympathetic look to my butt! I’m hurting!”

“I know, from how it’s looking that must hurt pretty bad… Want me to kiss it better?”

“Lauren!!”

“How bad is it, baby? It’s doesn’t look like it’s swelling, I don’t really see blood underneath the skin, you can walk and stand, it’s pretty encouraging.”

She had gotten up, and was now hugging the pouty girl from behind.

“How do you even know those sort of stuff?”

“What stuff?”

“Butt stuff! …Wait no, not “butt stuff-butt stuff”, just, like, things about… You know what I mean!”

Lauren had a fit at that one. Her sweet little Camila.

“That’s for me to know, and you to never found out, I fear.”

“I’ll found out one day!”

Lauren smiled softly at that one.

“Yeah… You might…”

Camila had turned her head toward her, hearing how solemn her words were. She was looking curiously at her with her head tilted to the side like a puppy, which only made Lauren smile harder.

“But you’ll have to be extra good for that!”

“I am good!”

“Then go lie down on the bed, I’ll go get some ice for the booty.”

Some cream, ice and ibuprofen later, Camila felt better. She could feel her heartbeat in her butt, but the pain had dulled considerably. She was now comfortably lying along Lauren’s body, legs on each side of her. With a pout and some teary eyes, she had convinced Lauren to put on Netflix. Of course, it was stupid to believe that she might sway her into watching Parks & Rec. Instead, Lauren had put on Cosmos, hoping that the soothing voice of Neil Degrasse Tyson might put her to sleep. It wasn’t enough to do so, but Camila was completely limp against her, loving the combination of Lauren’s hand combing through her hair, and the other tracing over one of her arms.

The peacefulness was disturbed a few minutes later by a notification from Lauren’s planner. She frowned in confusion, she was sure that she had nothing to do today. She took her hand out of Camila’s hair to grab her phone. The movement made the small girl whine, the sound slightly muffled because Camila was in her now usual spot, her face burrowed against Lauren’s neck, her nose stroking it from time to time.

As she read her notification, Lauren started smiling. Of course Camila would have gone and added some stuff! She couldn’t be mad though, “give Camila kisses and sing to her” was by far the greatest task ever put on that planner.

“Oh man! Just when I thought I was done with my day!”

Camila started giggling adorably, well aware of what contained that notification.

“I don’t have a choice, though, right?”

“You did say that everything had to be done.”

“Alright! Then I guess I’ll do it right now, get it out of the way, you know!”

In one movement, she grabbed Camila under her armpits, pulled her higher on her body so they were face to face, and started peppering kisses all over her face: on her cheeks, her nose, her closed eye lids, and the little mole right at the top of her forehead that Lauren loved so much. Now that they were in this position, Dinah’s words came back to her. Could it be true? Could Camila like her that way, too? Lauren had come out as bisexual to the girls about a year and a half into their career, she had secretly hoped that Camila would have a similar revelation to make, but she never said anything. Then again, she didn’t really date anyone, nor show interest in anyone. And it was true that Camila never acted the way she did with Lauren with anyone else.

“Hey, you stopped…”

Camila’s eyes were staring at her, her eyes drifting down to her lips every few seconds. Lauren’s heart was already beating faster, were they about to?...

…And her phone started ringing. Of course.

“Sorry! It’s Taylor, I have to answer.”

Camila’s heart was also beating pretty fast. Had she really just been about to…? And was Lauren really going to let her? Her body wouldn’t even let her try to hide that smile, she was grinning like a fool! Lauren noticed and softly smiled at her, lifting up her head just enough to give her an eskimo kiss, and nuzzle there for a second. She settled back down on Lauren, hoping that Taylor was fine, and that that phone call would be short.

In the end, it lasted a good half hour during which Lauren had constantly been tracing circles on Camila back, and rocking her by moving her raised legs from left to right. When Lauren finally hung up, Camila felt seconds away from drifting. When she felt Lauren’s breath against her ear, her whole body shuddered.

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy, when skies are grey.

You’ll never know dear, how much I love you

Please don’t take my sunshine away.

The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping,
I dreamed I held you in my arms.
When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
So I hung my head and I cried.

I'll always love you, and make you happy
If you will only say the same.
But if you leave me to love another
You'll regret it all someday.”

Lauren’s husky voice quietly singing in her hear put her to sleep before she could hear the end of the song. Before finally succumbing to sleep, she kissed Lauren’s throat three times, one for each word she meant to say.

Chapter Text

Lauren woke up to the weirdest sound. She couldn’t place it, it sounded like a metal object rolling around. She frowned, her eyes still closed. Why was there something on her stomach? And where was Camila? At that thought, her eyes sprung open, and the scene started to make a lot more sense. Camila, still in just Lauren’s sweater, had her head propped on Lauren’s stomach and was playing with her perplexus. It was an adorable sight, she was frowning in concentration, and even had her tongue peeking out. Not wanting to startle her, she rubbed her eyes to signal that she was awake.

“Hey sleepyhead!”

“Hi, baby. Come here.”

Camila smiled up at her, and carefully put the ball on it base as not to have to start it all over again. She was at number 47, she didn’t plan on starting back from the beginning again. That done, she moved into Lauren’s open arms.

“Morning…How long have you been awake?”

“I woke up at 5...”

“Hm, and you took a shower.”

“Yeah, my hair got wet when I fell and it dried weirdly...”

Lauren’s nose had found its way in Camila’s hair. The smell of baby shampoo and slightly wet hair made her eyes close again, lulling in a sort of deep relaxing trance. She had heard the disappointment and slight hesitation in Camila’s voice, as if she was afraid of Lauren’s reaction, so she was glad the girl hadn’t lied.

“There’s no magic switch, you know that, baby. It’s all about taking it one night at a time. Some days it works, some days it doesn’t. Our goal is to get more good nights than bad, but it’s doesn’t mean you won’t have them anymore. This is not a setback, baby, it’s all part of the process.”

Camila took a shuddering breath, struggling to keep her emotions at bay. Rationally she knew that, but it didn’t stop her from being upset. Apart from the whole crazy bed hair situation, the shower had also been a good way to be able to cry without waking up Lauren. Thankfully she had calmed down before getting out, and had tried to comfort herself as she could. She had put back on Lauren’s sweater that still smelled like her, put on cotton panties that wouldn’t hurt her bottom, and then the cute koala fuzzy socks Lauren had gotten her. At that point she had decided to forgo pants, and just grabbed the amazingly soft blanket Lauren had chosen for her, and sat on the armchair with her phone. That had worked for about 2 hours, but then she had felt restless again. Her anxiety was peaking, and all she wanted to do was wake up Lauren to have her make it better, just like she always wanted to do with her parents when she had a nightmare. But, just like with her parents, she didn’t do it. Lauren needed her sleep, so it wasn’t fair to wake her up just because she couldn’t sleep. Her eyes had drifted back to their shopping bags, and that’s when she had seen the perplexus box peeking out. After a brief moment of indecision, she had opened it, and lied back on the bed, figuring that it was okay to put her head on Lauren to feel better as long as she didn’t wake her up.

“…I know…”

“But it doesn’t help much knowing that, does it?”

Camila just shook her head, she felt quiet all of a sudden, happy to be back in Lauren’s arms and to bask in the silent room. Lauren was stroking her back, her breathing still a bit deep from sleep close to her ear, Camila didn’t feel sleepy, but she felt all her stress and anxiety slowly evaporate. Lauren was going to take care of her.

“It’ll be okay, we’ll work on it together, baby. When did you have your protein shake? Feel like grabbing breakfast with me?”

A pang of dread resonated through her. Breakfast. Oops.

“I…I might have forgotten that step.”

“Camila.”

“I woke up super early, I wasn’t hungry! Then I was on my phone, and then I started playing with the perplexus, and next thing I know you were waking up!”

“I’ll prepare in for you, but I don’t want that to happen ever again, hear me?”

Lauren had sat up and grabbed Camila’s chin, looking down sternly at her.

“Yes, Lauren.”

“Good girl.”

She let go of her with a kiss on the nose.

While Lauren set about preparing the mix, Camila grabbed her perplexus again. Lauren looked at her adoringly: drowned in her big sweater, her little koala socks crossed, and toy in hand, it made Lauren envision the future she had secretly dreamed of for months. Pouring the shake in its bottle –a bottle Lauren had personally chosen because it looked like a big sippy cup – she walked back to the bed and sat beside the small girl, inadvertently bumping her arm.

“Hey! No! You made me lose, Lauren! I have to start all over again!”

“I’m sorry baby, I didn’t mean to, but now you can pull it down and drink your shake.”

“Wait, I’ll just go back to that level, first!”

“Camila. Health first, that’s the rule so drink it, now.”

Camila took her eyes off of her puzzle at the stern voice. Lauren was not pleased. Feeling sheepish, Camila grabbed her perplexus with one hand, and grabbed her shake with the other. Opening it with her mouth, she started drinking it, sending a cute smile to Lauren, which only made her raise an eyebrow with an amused smile.

“Put the toy down, and drink your shake, silly!”

“I can do both!”

She tried to prove it by starting the game over, but it turned out, playing with a perplexus one-handed was not an easy feat. Being the stubborn little thing she was, she kept trying, but after the ball fell to the ground for the second time, Lauren grabbed the puzzle and the shake out of her hands.

“No-oh!”

It was more of a whine really, but that coupled with her hands extended pleadingly toward her toy, Lauren could feel herself cave. She put down the shake beside her, sat back against the headboard, grabbed Camila’s fluffy blanket, pulled it over her lap, then pulled Camila on it with her back against her own chest.

“How about we do it this way? You play with your toy.”

She ended it back to a very eager Camila.

“And I make you sure you drink your shake.”

She opened it, and made Camila latch on it.

“Is it okay?”

Camila nodded, already engrossed in her game. Her body readily relaxing in Lauren’s soothing embrace. She couldn’t remember the last time someone had fed her. Her mom was always proud to tell how early Camila had been able to hold her bottle and cutlery on her own, and how she refused to be fed by anyone one but herself. Being in the position she was right now, she didn’t really understand why baby her would have wanted that. Lauren was making sure that the cap was not constantly bumping her nose like it always was, that the bottle was always tilted to the right angle and that it wasn’t getting into Camila’s way as she was maneuvering the sphere. And all that while watching Adventure Time on the TV.

Lauren couldn’t get enough of it. If she could, she would have stopped time forever at that instant. Her favorite show on TV and her favorite girl in her arms suckling from the bottle she was feeding her –because of course Camila wasn’t just drinking it, she had to suckle on it with her little tongue peeking out. Lauren would press little kisses in her hair, where her nose was once again buried. None of them wanted the moment to end, but after a few minutes of Camila stubbornly suckling on an empty bottle, Lauren took it out of her mouth.

“Good job, baby!”

Camila couldn’t help but blush at the compliment. It was silly, she probably should have been telling Lauren to stop treating her like a baby -that’s probably what most people would have done-, but she just really loved it. She could try to persuade herself that she was letting her do it because she was scared that Lauren would stop talking to her again, but she knew that deep down she just enjoyed those moments spent together.

“Do you want to go get breakfast with me? The girls will probably come along.”

She felt guilty that her first reaction had been disappointment at the idea that it wouldn’t be just Lauren and her. She loved the girls, she just liked having Lauren to herself better.

“Camz?”

“Sorry! Yeah sure, let’s go!”

“Put something over the booty, first!”

“What’s with you and my butt?”

“You wouldn’t get it, it was love at first sight.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, this really cute Cuban girl came to tell me that she thought my shirt was pretty, and when she turned around, my eyes and the booty’s met, and that was it, I was done for.”

Lauren had told her story very dramatically, getting up to pull a giggling Camila in her arms.

“Yeah, well I’m not sure the booty likes you anymore…”

“And what makes you believe that?”

“Well, you spanked it!”

“If I remember well, I spanked you and you still like me.”

“You don’t know that!”

Lauren put on her most shocked faced, before pulling Camila on the bed and starting to tickle her.

“No! Ah! Please! I like you, I like you!!”

“Do you love me?”

“Yeeeeeess!! Lauren! I love you! I love you!”

Lauren stopped torturing her at that. Both girls were still giggling, piled up on each other in a disarray of limbs.

“I love you too.”

At Lauren’s words, Camila kissed her three times in the neck just like she had done the night before. Now both staring at the other’s face, the tension was building up again, just like yesterday. Camila’s eyes kept traveling from Lauren’s eyes to her lips, clearly hoping that Lauren would pull her out of her misery and just kiss her. Lauren couldn’t do that though. She desperately wanted to, but it wasn’t right. First, she would have to talk to her about her secret. She cared far too deeply for Camila to not be honest with her, it would feel wrong to let things evolved without putting words on what she was doing. Thankfully, from what she had seen, Camila might actually give Lauren and her kink a chance. Instead of going for her lips, Lauren kissed her right at the corner.

“Do you think, maybe this afternoon, we could…talk? I have… I have things I need to tell you about, that I feel you need to know before we…uhm…That we, you know…”

“Wow, did I just turn the eloquent Lauren Jauregui into a bumbling mess? Is it some sort of parallel universe?”

Lauren small laugh sounded fake even to her own ears.

“Hey, is everything okay? Should I be worried?”

“NO! No, like nothing life threatening, I just… There’s just some stuff about me that I haven’t really told you, or more like told people in general.”

“How about we talk about it after breakfast.”

“Sure, okay, yeah.”

It was stupid, it wasn’t really making a difference that it be this afternoon or this morning, but knowing that it would happen so soon was making her freak out. Those could be her last moments with Camila. Just thinking about it, she burrowed deeper into her hair, a sudden urgency taking over her body.

“It’s going to be okay, Lo. I love you, whatever you have to tell me won’t change that.”

“You don’t know that.”

“What about a bet?”

“I’m serious, Camila.”

“Me too. Listen, as long as the caring, loving, sometimes bossy, but always sweet person I got to know is really who you are, it won’t change anything.”

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“Me neither, I think that’s a good sign, right?”

Lauren didn’t answer, just committing the moment to memory. Funny how she had been so sure of herself just a few minutes ago, just now realizing how wrong things could go.

“Come on, let’s go, I’m actually hungry for some yogurt and a banana.”

Just as she had predicted, Lauren eagerly got up at that. In a few minutes there were both dressed and on their way downstairs. Camila made an extra effort to finish everything on her plate, which was the only thing that pulled a smile out of Lauren during the meal. All the girls noticed that Lauren seemed to be in a somber mood, but nobody commented on it. Once they were done, Normani broke the silence.

“What do you guys want to do today?”

“It’s spa time!! Me and Ally-”

“Ally and I”

“Sure Lauren! So Ally and I already booked a full treatment at the Hotel’s spa! Do you guys want to come along?”

“I don’t know, what are you guys doing?”

“I think Lauren and I will go to the pool this afternoon. What do you think Lo?”

Lauren gave her a soft smile. She was touched by all the attentions Camila had shown her since their conversation. She had constantly sent her little encouraging smiles and kept close to Lauren to show her that everything would be okay. And there she was doing it again.

“Why not, baby.”

“Oh! Can I come with? I’d rather do that, than the spa!”

“Seriously? Who are you?”

“Calm down Dinah, I just feel like doing something! I have some energy to spare, and with how early we need to be up tomorrow, I’d rather be tired tonight!”

“True that! Still going to the spa, though.”

“Of course you can come along, Mani!”

“Awesome! Do you guys have an extra swimsuit for me? I forgot mine.”

“Sure! I have one that is a bit too big for me, should look awesome on you!”

“Thanks, Mila!”

Once they were all done, Dinah left with Ally, and the three girls went back to Lauren’s room.

“Okay, so it should be somewhere in my suitcase…You can sit down, that might take a while!”

“Remind me to put in my planner “help Camila pack”, you’re a disaster, girl!”

“I’m not! It just always gets messed up!”

“Sure... I’ll be in the shower, be good!”

As she passed by her, she instinctively put a kiss on Camila’s temple.

“I’m always good!”

And as usual, Camila lightly slapped her arm, which earned her in return a slap on the thigh.

“No hitting! See? And I’m not even in the shower yet!”

The two were grinning like fools at each other, both having completely forgotten the third person in the room currently sitting on their bed. Normani stayed still, trying not to be noticed. Dinah was going to be so jealous she missed that! They’d been trying to set up those two for what felt like years now. They both had felt a change in their relationship at the mall. Normani knowing was she knew about Lauren had spotted it right away, and from what DJ had seen the night before, it was all going great. Soon enough, Lauren was in the shower, and Camila was back rummaging through her suitcase. Only now noticing the weird see-through ball on the bedside table, she asked Camila:

“What’s that?”

“Oh! It’s awesome! It’s a perplexus! Lauren got it for me at the mall!”

“Oh yeah, I remember those! That’s a cool gift!”

“She got me other stuff too, it’s for my new bedtime routine.”

“How is it working out?”

“Hm… Things went wrong yesterday, so we’ll have to try again tonight.”

Normani frowned at that, what could have gone wrong? And why was Camila looking so embarrassed?

“What do you mean “things went wrong?””

“Hm, just a little accident. OH! Look at that found it! Wait, which one is the biggest one? Okay, let me try it on real quick.”

Normani wasn’t satisfied with that brush off. What kind of accident? She looked away while Camila changed, deciding to wait until she was done until going back to her interrogation.

“Okay, no, that’s the good one, so the one for you is the one piece! …Mani?”

Not hearing the girl answer, she turned her head around, meeting Mani’s horrified stare. Shit! The bruises! Of course they would be visible in a swimsuit!

“It’s not-“

“What the hell, Mila!”

Just at that moment, the bathroom door opened, revealing a freshly showered Lauren in her own bikini.

“I forgot to grab cloth-”

“What the fuck, Lauren! What? Did you do this? What the fuck is wrong with you??”

“What-?”

“Okay, like I know about your fetishism or whatever, but that’s not okay!! I know you’re into that whole spanking and being called mommy shit, you do you, girl! But this? Her backside is black-and-blue!! For all you know you might have fractured her tailbone!!”

“Norma-”

“NO! I don’t want to hear it! Mila, we’re going. Come on.”

“No!”

“I don’t want to hear it! That’s fucking abuse, Mila! I don’t know what she told you, but that’s surely not how she sold it to me!”

As she was saying this, she went to grab Camila’s wrist, pulling her with her toward the exit. She was no listening, she was fucking seeing red! She had literally been pushing Camila into Lauren’s arms for months, knowing about Laurens’ secret! How could she have done such a thing to her?

“Let. Go. Of. Her.”

That made her stop. She had never seen Lauren looking more lethal than it this instant. Her hand was harshly grabbing onto Normani’s hand holding Camila. That’s also when she realized how hard Camila was pulling to get out of her grasp. She let go of her instantly, and watched her run into Lauren’s arms. Why was she doing that? She was crying now, rubbing her wrist, which only made Lauren’s glare darker.

“How can you imagine… How dare you fucking come in here and do that??”

Yep, Lauren was furious, but Normani was still full of fire herself.

“What about what you’ve done, huh?”

“…I fell in the shower, Mani. It’s not Lauren, I swear, she would never!”

“Maybe from what you know, but I still don’t buy it! Why didn’t you just tell me, and what about skirting around my questions about the “accident,” huh?”

Camila was crying even harder, still shocked by the course of events.

“Because I thought you were going to laugh at me, Mani! Not because Lauren half-beat me to death! And I know, okay! And Lauren would never… That’s not how…”

“You don’t have to justify anything, baby. You didn’t do anything wrong. Normani, out.”

Her voice had changed so fast, it startled Normani. Her voice had went from soft and caring to beyond pissed in less than a second.

“What? No-”

“I’ll fucking throw you out, I swear. How could even believe for even a second that I could do something like that!”

Mila whimpered against her, and Normani literally saw the pain flash through Lauren’s eyes when she heard it. That’s when she realized she had been wrong.

“Guys, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

“I told you to leave! I don’t want to hear in right now. You’ve done enough.”

With one last apologetic glance at Lauren’s eyes, Normani left the room, her head casted down.

“It’s okay, baby. Calm down! I’m so sorry.”

Lauren felt like crying herself. She had worked on a speech while in the shower, to explain everything as best as she could, and it was all ruined now. How could Normani do that to her? The last thing she wanted to do now was to talk about it. It had made her feel so dirty and wrong. She would never do that! That was not the point of it at all in her eyes. She knew some people in the community were into masochism, but that wasn’t her case. The way she had conducted Camila’s first spanking was exactly how she felt a spanking should be like: being given the impression that you’ve paid for your crimes and knowing that you are forgiven. It was not about enjoying seeing someone in pain, or getting to use the other as a punching bag.

Camila was still in hysterics, and Lauren didn’t really know what to do to calm her down. She had lifted up the girl that was now clinging to her fiercely, and was pacing through the room, rocking her gently up and down. Her body was stiff in her arms, and her breath labored. She couldn’t even whisper soothing words to her, her own voice breaking with the weight of the tears she was holding back.

“Okay,” Her voice broke, but she coughed and kept going “let’s try something else, baby, okay?”

She walked them back to the bathroom, she tried to sit Camila on the toilet, but the girl just whimpered and held on harder.

“Okay, alright, you stay with me! I’m not letting you go, baby.”

Camila was holding on to her so hard, that she didn’t really have to hold her up, which came in handy to plug the bathtub and adjust the water temperature. She dropped the bath bomb the hotel had provided, and as soon as there was enough water, she pulled them both in.

“It’s time to calm down now, alright? Just breathe with me, baby.”

She started taking big breaths so Camila would feel them against her own chest, and soon enough, she could feel Camila mimicking her. After a couple minutes, she had considerably calmed down.

“So good, baby. Good job. It’s all over, now.”

“She can’t do that! She can’t just say stuff like that, accuse of that, and just pull me away from you.”

“I know, baby. I didn’t let her, I won’t let anyone, okay? As long as you want me by your side, I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

They both fell silent, just letting the warm water around them relax their bodies and minds. After about 15 minutes, they both were limp against each other, exhausted by the previous events.

“How is your wrist baby?”

“Okay.”

“Show me.”

Camila tiredly raised her arm so Lauren could see.

“…It bruised.”

Her tone was harsh, the sight of the five little bruises on Camila’s wrist had just awaken the beast again.

“It doesn’t hurt.”

“It doesn’t change that she fucking…She can’t do that, nobody can do that!”

As she was feeling Lauren get upset again, Camila kissed her throat 3 times, just like the other time, just another reminder. Lauren, touched by the gesture, kissed her temple three times, trying to calm down again.

“I genuinely believe that Mani was doing the right thing. I’m angry at her, but I get it. We both would have done the same thing if we had suspicions that one of us was being abused.”

“But how could she believe that I would do that! To you of all people!”

“I don’t know, but I have a feeling you know.”

Camila’s tone was not accusing, she even lifted herself a bit so she could look at Lauren. It was the moment of truth. Lauren couldn’t help but lower her head, feeling shameful.

“Do you have an idea?”

“I don’t care about my ideas, I just want you to tell me… I’m still here, Lo.”

With that last reassurance, Lauren took a big breath and started the speech that would either make them or break them.

Chapter Text

With that last reassurance, Lauren took a big breath and started the speech that would either make them or break them.

“Do you want to get out of the tub, first? “

“No, I’m comfortable.”

“Are you sure, because I really don’t know how this is gonna go.”

“I’m good, Lauren.”

“The last thing I want is for you to feel uncomfortable.”

“Still good.”

Lauren was still staring uncertainly at Camila, trying to gauge if she was saying the truth or not.

“I’m yellow, Lauren. Just tell me.”

Lauren couldn’t back down now. It was time.

“So you probably noticed that I…That I’m not…Shit, I don’t know how to explain this…”

“We’ve got plenty of time… Worst case scenario we’ll turn into prunes.”

Lauren laughed a bit at that, how supportive could Camila get, seriously? She liked to be in charge, but to see Camila try to please and appease her so much was making her heart do somersaults.

“How about you start at the beginning?”

“Alright, what would be the beginning?... I guess that would be the Fifty Shades saga… Wow, what a great way to explain stuff to you! You hated it on top of it!”

“I mean, I wasn’t going to admit to anything on the radio with my mom in the audience! I didn’t enjoy it as a whole, but that doesn’t mean that there wasn’t some parts I liked…”

Lauren’s smile turned smug, and she did her usual eyebrow trick.

“Don’t make that face, you’re supposed to be the one feeling embarrassed and put on the spot!”

“You’re right, you’re right! So, I read those books, and I… I don’t know, I was intrigued, so I looked it up a bit more to understand it better.”

Camila was resolute to not say a word until Lauren was done. What was the point of interrupting her? It would just last longer. She wanted to, very, very much, but she knew it was best to stay quiet.

“So, it turned out that BDSM is not just one thing. The word in itself means 3 different types of dynamics. B&D: Bondage and Discipline, D&s: Dominant and Submissive and S&M: Sadism and Masochism… Okay, maybe that’s not the right way to tell you about this, but let’s try it! Uhm, I’m not like Christian Grey, I’m not into the whole “playroom-slash-torture-room,” but I do enjoy some…parts of those dynamics, I guess.”

Lauren felt like she was running a marathon, her eyes still fixed on Camila who was patiently listening, and nodding along.

“I’m not into the whole S&M things, I don’t get pleasure out of…It’s not a sexual thing like that! When I spanked you…”

Okay, what was wrong with her? She had to calm down. Normani’s reaction had really rattled her, but it was time for her to get over it. She took a big breath, and reminded herself that it was Camila she was talking too, the small girl currently curled up against her, looking at her with her big chocolate orbs, perplexed, but listening.

“Okay, let’s do this another way. I like the power exchange part of it. I like being in charge. In all my past relationships, I always ended up feeling unsatisfied, I thought that it was just because I wasn’t with the right person, but with all those researches I realized that it was simply the normal dynamic that didn’t feel fulfilling enough. I’m not into sadism or masochism or even bondage, but I do like the discipline aspect.”

That made Camila snort, no kidding? Lauren was relieved to see the girl have such a normal reaction. Maybe this wasn’t going to go completely wrong.

“I like the idea of taking care of the other in a relationship… A bit like what we have been doing those last few days. I know it wasn’t fair because you didn’t really know what was happening, but… You have to know, even if things go to shit after that, those few days were probably the best of my life.”

Lauren repressed her tears right away, it was not the time to get emotional.

“So you just like to take care of people and discipline them when needed, then?”

Camila had promised herself that she would say a word, but she really was confused, not really sure what it all meant.

“It’s a bit more… It’s a bit more complicated than that… I’m into what is called ageplay. It’s, just like the others, a consensual roleplay. Basically one is the caretaker, and the other is, well, the little.”

“Little?”

“Yes, the little regresses to an age of their liking, some like to be just babies, others like to act like a 12-year-old. It all depends on the person. The goal is to just relax, and let yourself feel free of responsibilities, while having someone take care of you.”

Camila fell silent at that, trying to make sense of it. At first, it felt a bit ridiculous, but thinking back on the last three days, her perspective changed.

“Is it what we’ve been doing?”

“Not exactly, you weren’t really in a headspace, but yeah, I guess if you count how I’ve been acting, then yes, that’s a good preview of what it’s like.”

She couldn’t really act all disgusted now, she had really liked it. So she concentrated on Lauren’s words.

“What’s a headspace?”

“It’s a sort of mindset. Littles feel more carefree and childlike when they can get in it. They embrace their inner child part, if you will. And it’s not some twisted incest or pedophile fantasy, it’s just a way for littles to relax and escape from reality for a bit. In the same way, it’s relaxing and soothing for caretakers to be able to be completely in charge.”

“So, what, they just act like babies all the time?”

“Not all the time, I mean some are 24/7, but most of the time it’s just during sessions.”

“Like in Fifty Shades?”

“Well it’s a bit different there, I don’t really see it as a sexual thing, so it’s more whenever we- uhm, whenever there’s time to relax a bit. Some parts of it still show in the relationship though, like the caretaker is still pretty much in charge too when the little is not in headspace. That’s part of the whole exchange of power dynamic. The little still has a say of course.”

“So, no contract?”

“Well some have them, but there are used mostly when sex is involved.”

When Camila rose up from her spot against Lauren. Lauren thought it was all over, that she had heard enough, and didn’t ever want to talk about it. She was really surprised when she felt hot water touch her feet.

“Sorry, the bath is getting a bit cold.”

Camila curled back against her the second the water was back to a pleasurable temperature. Putting her head in the crook of her neck this time.

“What would it change?”

“What do you mean, baby?”

“I gather that if you’re telling me all this, is because you don’t really see yourself in a relationship without it, so what would it change from what we have now.”

Lauren was speechless, Camila was really considering it?! She took a second to gather her thoughts, her brain suddenly overwhelmed by the idea.

“Well, uhm, I guess it would be similar to those past few days? I take care of you, make sure you follow a routine, give you rules… It’s not just up to me, you have a say in this, like I’m not taking over your life, I’m just making sure that you’re doing what is best for you.”

Camila was intensely thinking about it all. Did she want that? That one wasn’t really hard, she loved Lauren, and she could feel herself falling even harder those past few days, but could she admit it?

“How old would I be? In the headspace I mean.”

“However old you feel.”

“How old do you think I’d be?”

“Well, from the glimpses I’ve seen, I’d say somewhere around 4, probably.”

Camila started fidgeting a bit, she didn’t know why. It was all a bit surreal, she hadn’t expected that. Some of Normani’s words came back to her.

“What did Normani meant when she said you liked being called mommy?”

“I…”

Lauren’s voice croaked on the word, she had hoped Camila wouldn’t have remembered that. She would have talked about it one day with her, but she didn’t think she would do to it right now.

“There’s different dynamics in ageplay, and... uhm, I’m rather into the MD/lg one. It means Mommy Dom and little girl. Again, it’s not like incest play or anything, it’s just… I don’t really know.”

It was really hard to explain, she didn’t really know why all of this even appealed to her, it just did.

“I wouldn’t call you mommy.”

Lauren felt a bang of hurt at her words, and the frown she could feel against her neck.

“I never liked it, but maybe like “mama” could work, I called my mom mami, so that wouldn’t be the same.”

Lauren was stunned once again! Did she just? Had she just said that?

“So you would really consider it?”

“I haven’t been asking questions to write an article! I mean I’ll need a bit of time, I’m still trying to wrap my head around it, but I’ve really enjoyed those past few days, so I’d be a liar to pretend I’m not a bit interested. It’s just a lot at once.”

“I’ll give you all the time you need, baby! We can even stop everything for a while, if you need a bit of time!”

At that, Camila lifted up her head with an amused smile on her face.

“I’m good, Lauren. Honestly if we forget the whole kinky side of the story, I’m not really surprised.”

Lauren smiled back at her, she was happy, she felt like she would burst! Not only was Camila accepting, but she also wanted to give this a try!

“Can I have my kiss now, Lo?”

Lauren’s smile only grew bigger, she lifted her hand and gently gabbed Camila’s face, bringing it closer to her own.

“Whenever you want, baby.”

She whispered the words against the other girl’s lips, before softly kissing them. She was in heaven. Her lips were so soft against her own. Camila’s hands were tentatively making their way around Lauren’s head, one going to play with the baby hair at the back of her head, the other softly caressing her jaw. Intoxicated by the taste of her lips and smell of her skin, Lauren wanted this moment to last forever. It also made her realize that they were both in their bikinis, she had never felt so much of Camila’s skin against her own. Yet, soon enough, their lips parted, and Lauren softly nuzzled against her nose.

“Hey Camila?”

“Huh-uh?”

“Something really great happened to me today.”

Both of them still had their eyes closed, but they could feel their smiles with how close they were.

“What is it?”

“There’s this girl I’ve been crazy for forever, guess what? I think she likes me back!”

“You’re an idiot!”

Camila was giggling, pecking her lips with sweet kisses. They stayed like that another couple minutes, before Lauren decided they had pruned enough.

“Come on, let’s get out of here before you really turn into a prune!”

Lauren came out first, quickly putting on a robe, before approaching the tub with the other one, and helping Camila in it.

“Do you still want to go to the pool, baby?”

“…Not really. I feel sleepy, now.”

She leaned a bit on Lauren as she said it. She’d been up since 5 in the morning, and it had been another emotional day, she just wanted a nap.

“Alright, we’ll have a quick nap, but then we’ll go out this afternoon, we still need to buy the boxes for the kinetic sand.”

Camila hurriedly changed though a pair of panties, and a tank top. She had really enjoyed the skin-to-skin in the shower, and hoped that they could recreate that to an extent in bed. Thankfully, once Lauren joined her, she saw that she had just pulled on some shorts and a cut off concert t-shirt.

“Alright, 20 minutes, longer and you’ll just be groggy all day, alright?”

“Okay.”

“You all good?”

“Where’s Nala?”

“Oh! Here, there you go, comfy?”

Camila just pulled Lauren’s arm over her, and made her spoon her and tangle their legs.

“Good nap, baby… and thank you.”

Camila was too exhausted to answer, so she pulled Lauren’s hand up to her mouth and kissed it three times, before going to sleep.

Lauren didn’t sleep. How could she ever go back to sleep? The risk was too great that it was all just a dream for her to risk it. Things had been quite the whirlwind, and it wasn’t even noon yet! She was still mad at Normani. She just couldn’t understand how she could believe that she would do something like that. This whole time, she had thought that Normani had genuinely accepted her and her secret, but it now felt like it was all a lie. That the whole time she thought she was a monster! But then there was the little spoon all cuddled against her. She was okay to try. She had listened to it all, and she was willing to try! Sure, Rome was not built in one day, it would take time, but Lauren didn’t mind one bit. Truthfully, she was glad that it was going to be that way, she had never been in a relationship like this before, either. Sure, she was well read on the subject, and she had some good reflexes, but it was reassuring, even to her, to go one step at a time. As naptime was coming to an end, Lauren felt her anxiety go up again. What if Camila changed her mind? What if now that she had slept on it, her lookout on the situation had changed? Lauren jumped when the alarm went off, waking Camila up.

Camila wasn’t ready to be up, 20 minutes was not long enough. She just turned around and hid her head in Lauren’s neck.

“Baby?”

Camila just shook her head.

“Come on, time to get up, and get some lunch!”

Camila just whined and fidgeted closer. She just wanted to sleep!

“Ok, how about instead of the protein yogurt, I make you another little shake? You can drink that in bed, but then we have to get up, alright?”

Camila didn’t answer, but Lauren just kissed her head and got up to prepare it, intentionally pulling the covers away from the sleepy girl. When she approached the bed again, the plushy pink blanket was now piled up completely over Camila, only Nala’s tail was peeking out.

“No, no, no! Naptime’s over! “

Lauren pulled the blanket away, and forced Camila to sit back on the bed with gentle hands.

“Come on! I know it’s hard baby, but we wake up early tomorrow, so no more sleeping until tonight. Just drink you’re shake, it’ll wake you up.”

Camila still clearly not decided to get up, just sat on Lauren’s lap, and handed her back the bottle.

“Camila, you have to drink it.”

“You do it.”

Lauren shouldn’t have been surprised, the few glimpses she had seen of Camila in her headspace had been while sleepy. She would let herself be most vulnerable and actually ask for Lauren’s attention.

“Alright, there we go.”

This time she didn’t put on the TV, not wanting to lull the girl back to sleep with some white noise.

“Don’t fall back asleep, baby. You need to drink this, and then we’ll get dressed and head to lunch. Maybe we could go to the Cuban place we got the soups from yesterday? After that, we’ll walk to the grocery store that’s a bit further, and then if you want we can still go to the pool, it would be great actually, it will make you hungry for dinner and tire you out. Do you want to go when we come back?”

Camila was playing with Lauren’s fingers on her stomach, she could see why going to the pool would be a good idea, but she felt a bit fearful after Normani’s reaction. Honestly she just wanted to nest in their room all day with her, and block out the rest of the world. So she just shrugged, concentrating on the feeling of being so close to Lauren, and suckling down her shake.

“We’ll see how the day goes, alright?”

Once she was done, Camila felt more awake, but still in a bit of a funk. She had Lauren chose her clothes for her: she only had clean jeans left, so Lauren made her put her “l’amôur” bodysuit under her heart-shaped pizza sweater so it wouldn’t hurt. Soon enough, Lauren was pulling Camila along by the hand down the street to go to the restaurant. It was a small establishment, a rather quaint décor, and they were glad they were put in a secluded corner. They had ordered some plantain chips and tamales, and were now waiting on their order. Camila had been on her phone since they had ordered, and Lauren was getting worried. If Camila didn’t like not having Lauren’s attention, the same could be said about the other way around.

“Camila?”

“Huh-uh?”

“What are doing?”

“Just on Tumblr…”

Why was she on Tumblr? It went on for another 5 minutes, before Lauren snapped, and pulled her phone out of her hands.

“Hey! You can’t do that!”

Lauren wasn’t paying attention to her, but to the screen, where the search results for the ageplay tag were displayed.

“Lauren! Give it back!”

Camila’s face was crimson, she had both her arms reaching for it, but Lauren kept putting it away from her reach.

“Camila calm down.”

“Give it back!”

She was raising her voice, it wasn’t really intentional, but the result was the same, if it kept on like this, everybody would soon be looking in their direction.

“Camila. One!”

Camila didn’t look pleases, but at least it worked.

“I’m sorry for taking your phone, I just meant it as a prank because you were ignoring me. But baby, maybe you shouldn’t look at it. If you have questions you can just ask me.”

“That’s ridiculous! Why shouldn’t I look?”

“I don’t…I don’t want you to get scared, there’s some really intense stuff in there, and a lot of it is pretty graphic too.”

Camila gave her a sad smile. She was not used to seeing Lauren be this insecure. She scooted on the seat all the way around until she was by Lauren’s side.

“I’m not going to get scared, I’m just trying to understand better.”

Checking that nobody was watching them, she planted a smooch on Lauren’s lips.

“But if you have question you can just ask me!”

“The thing is, I don’t really have questions yet, cause I don’t know how it all works! I was just checking to see what it looked like.”

“Okay, but you shouldn’t do it like that.”

“How then?

Lauren debated a bit with herself, but then decided to just do it. She took out her phone, and opened up her own ageplay tumblr.

“You should look at stuff like that…”

They started scrolling together through it. Camila had to admit that it was a bit more refined than most stuff she had seen!

“This one is really pretty, do you know whose it is?”

“Yeah.”

“Whose?”

“…Mine.”

Camila’s shock was interrupted by the arrival of their food. Camila quickly grabbed the phone and hid its screen. Lauren couldn’t say anything with the waitress right here, but when she felt Camila trying to get away, she grasped her knee so she wouldn’t be able to go away.

“She’ll eat beside me, I have stuff to show her, thank you.”

Well, there went her plan! Once the waitress was gone, Camila pulled it back out.

“What did you think you were gonna do, little one?”

“Nothing bad.”

“You’re impossible!”

Lauren kissed her innocent pout away, and unlocked her phone again. Might as well let her look through it while she was here.

“You got a good aesthetic going on, on that one.”

Lauren rolled her eyes, only Camila would comment on the color scheme in such a moment.

“No seriously, it all looks really pretty!

She kept scrolling through, letting Lauren handfeed her.

“Okay, where the hell did they get pacifiers that big?”

“Nuk makes them. It’s actually a therapeutic trainer, it helps with swallowing problems and other stuff like that. The community jumped on it right away, because actual baby pacifiers tend to be too small to fit correctly in an adult’s mouth, but those are the prefect size.”

“That’s what happened to me. I never got into sucking my thumb, I only had my paci, but then it became too small, and didn’t feel the same anymore, so I had to stop... I mean that was better than others that had it taken away or whose parents would put those pepper-tasting nail polish on their fingers!”

“Do you think it would be something you’d like to try, eventually? You don’t have to of course, but if there’s anything you want to try, you just have to tell me, and we’ll talk about it, okay?”

Camila just nodded, lost in her thoughts. She scrolled through a couple more pictures. She could remember how much she loved her paci. Having to stop had been hard, she didn’t really have a favorite plush or a blanky, just her paci. She could still remember the feeling, though. The relief, at the end of the day, to finally be able to pull it back in her mouth for a few soothing suckles. What she didn’t tell Lauren, is that she had stopped using it at 8, probably not the age Lauren had it mind… She had done it right before coming to the US, a decision she had bitterly regretted the first few nights in Miami.

“You okay, baby?”

“Yeah. I… I think I’d like to try the paci…uhm, the pacifier I mean. Maybe not right now, but…”

“Sure, baby, whatever you want.”

Lauren held back an excited smile. Gosh, Camila with a paci, she could just picture it! She had heard the yearning in her voice when she talked about her old one, and was really hoping that she would give the Nuk a chance. She would order it tonight, and have it mailed somewhere in Norfolk sine they would be there for two days. Life on the road was hectic, so she’d rather have it ready in case Camila wanted it, than risk having to wait for weeks until they could have it delivered somewhere close.

“What’s up with the diapers, though?”

Lauren reddened a bit at that one.

“Well, it’s like the ultimate proof of trust, you know? The little entrusts their caretaker with even their most basic needs. I mean most of the time people don’t use it for everything if you know what I mean, but still. You really have to let go, and the caretaker really needs to be there for you, I don’t know, I think it’s beautiful in a way.”

“I think you might be romanticizing that a bit.”

“It’s just pee! And there’s less germ in urine than in spit! It’s not dirty, per say. It just puts you in a very uncomfortable situation to have someone take care of those things for you. I mean, some seems fine with it, the AB/DL, Adult Babies and Diaper Lovers, clearly are into it. Again it’s all about trying to feel as carefree as possible, literally, no responsibilities, no duties, letting the other deal with all that, and just relaxing.”

“Yeah well, I think I’ll start with the paci.”

“I’d never force you to try if you really don’t want to, but don’t think about it too much for now. This is like advanced ageplay, let’s start small.”

“I think you just like it because it would make my booty look even bigger.”

Lauren cracked up at that, never in a million years had she ever thought she would have a conversation like this with Camila! And there they were, calmly talking about it.

“Guilty as charged! I’d probably spend the whole time just patting your butt…”

“I knew it!”

She just wanted to kiss her smile, and her own grew bigger at the realization that she could. She didn’t have to hold back anymore. She tenderly grasped her face, and kissed Camila with all the tenderness she felt for her at that moment. When they finally let go of each other’s lips, Lauren pulled her forehead against Camila’s.

“I’m so happy, baby…”

The words were whispered between them. As an answer Camila pecked her lips three times.

“Me too. Didn’t ever imagine it would go like this, though!”

“Are you sure you’re okay with it all?”

“…Yeah. It’s hard to admit, but I’ve…Those past days together have been the best I’ve had in a while. I think the, uhm, “dynamic” works for me too, as long as I still get a say on things.”

“Always, baby. It’s not about controlling your life, just helping you along. So, sure sometimes you’re not gonna like it, but it will always be in your own interest.”

They were hugging close now. Making the most of this moment of privacy.

“I’m really excited to try this with you, baby. You must promise me that you will remember and use your colors if it ever feels wrong, alright? It’s really important, you must trust me to do what’s best for you, but in turn, I need to be able to trust that you won’t keep me out, if things are wrong. With us or anything.”

“That’s a lot of trust.”

“I know, but I won’t just demand it, I promise I’ll do my best to earn it everyday.”

“I know, you do that already, I’ll try to do the same.”

Lauren peppered small kisses on her temple, rocking them slightly from side to side.

“…Do you think…Never mind.”

“No baby, none of that. Tell me.”

Camila felt a shiver course her spine at her tone. That voice Lauren used sometimes just pulled the truth right out of her mouth.

“Would you mind…? If you look for the paci, would mind looking for the special bottle they also have?”

“So my baby did enjoy when I fed her her shakes.”

“Lauuu-ren!”

“Don’t whine, baby. It’s okay, I like it a lot, too. If you’re okay with that, I think I’d like taking care of that everyday. We could start with that, what do you think?”

Camila just nodded, feeling a bit embarrassed about admitting how much she would like that out loud.

“Use your words, baby.”

She was only now realizing how the tone of the conversation had shifted. All of Lauren’s behavior had changed too, she was back at being the confident and bossy girl Camila had gotten used to. Was that her caretaker mindset? Camila started laughing at her thought: more like her “mamattitude”!

“Why are you laughing, silly?”

“Nothing!”

“Come on, tell me?”

She was doing it again! This time, instead of giving her shivers, it just made her laugh harder at her own inner joke.

“Camila.”

“It’s nothing bad, I swear, just a dumb joke!”

“Then tell me.”

“…You got your mamattitude on.”

She was scared of her reaction, but instead, and just as usual, Lauren started giggling at her joke.

“Okay, good one, baby! But what about your shakes?”

That made Camila sober up.

“I…I would like that very much.”

“Great, alright, let’s get out of here now!”

Lauren paid for them, not listening to the small girl’s protestations, and made her way out of the restaurant.

“It’s not fair! You keep paying for stuff!”

“What kind of girlfriend would I be making us go halfsies on our first date?”

“Your girlfriend, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you ask?”

Camila had stopped, trying to hold back a huge grin.

“Babe, me and the booty have been official for weeks!”

“Screw you!”

For good measure, she turned back and started walking in the other direction. Seconds later she could hear steps behind her, and soon an arm was wrapping around her middle, grabbing onto her left elbow, and pulling her back around. Camila couldn’t help a smile at Lauren’s sweet tone.

“Camila?”

“Yeah?”

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

Lauren had whispered the words in her ear, making her shiver again.

“Yeah, I think I’d like that…”

“Making me do that was dumb!”

“May I know why, exactly?”

“Cause I really want to kiss my girlfriend right now, but we’re in the middle of the street, and the little girl over there looks a bit too starstruck to be looking at the sign behind us…”

Chapter Text

Meeting young fans was always cute, they took a few pictures and signed her shirt before saying goodbye and making their way to the grocery store. They now had been here for a good 15 minutes, their basket already containing most of what they needed.

“Okay, we have the boxes, some snack for when we’ll be back on the bus, The Lion King DVD, what else do we need?”

“I don’t know. I think we’re good. Do we really need to wait to be on the bus to open the goldfish crackers?”

“Yes, Camila, for the third time! …I wouldn’t try asking again if I were you.”

Camila lowered her head. This was stupid, why couldn’t they just grab another box and open it now! She loved those crackers, they had always been her favorites for as long as she could remember.

“Baby wipes! That’s what I forgot last time!”

“I don’t need those…”

“Camila.”

She huffed, but followed without a word, keeping close to Lauren. She didn’t know why she was feeling so cranky, she just wanted to be back at the hotel.

Now in the aisle, her eyes wandered around. The pacifier caught her attention. There were so many pretty ones. Instinctively her thumb went up to her mouth, and she started nibbling on its tip.

“Camila? You good, baby?”

Camila turned back around, only now realizing what she was doing. She hurriedly wiped her thumb on her jeans and nodded.

Lauren could see Camila slipping, she had seen her do it before, the fact that they were in public was just making it a bit harder. It was a bit of a surprise, most time it had happened was while Camila was in between sleep and awake. Well maybe not, Camila’s behavior was very similar to the one she had had when they were at the mall… Could it be, that this whole time, Camila had just kept on slipping into littlespace? Quickly putting a pack of baby wipes in the basket, she grabbed Camila’s hand and lead her to the checkout.

“Come on, let’s go back, okay?”

The first thing Camila noticed at the checkout was the display of sour pacifier pops. Her thumb went back up again. When she had first arrived in the US, she was obsessed with ring pops, they looked like pacifiers, and were really cheap, so her mom could buy her some pretty often. The shape wasn’t right, but she still thought it was soothing to suckle on them, and she loved how she could just walk around with one, even in the street. But those! Those, here, had the right shape and look.

“Do you want a candy, Camzy?”

She did, she really did. It was a bit distressing how much. She nodded, not looking away from them.

“What flavor?”

Out of words once again, Camila just pointed at the red one.

“Alright! How about you hold onto my sweater until we’re done here, and I’ll get one for you?”

Camila did as she was told, staying close to Lauren. Honestly, she wanted to hide her face against Lauren’s back, she didn’t want to be here anymore. She knew she had to be good to get the paci, though, so she stayed quiet and held onto the hem of the back of Lauren’s sweater like she was told, letting her mind wander away from the never ending checkout line.

 Lauren felt a bit bad. She had hoped to induce Camila’s first “official” little time in better conditions. She didn’t think it would happen for days, maybe even weeks, they had just talked about it 2 hours ago! The worst part was she had set it up without meaning to. They’d been talking about it all day, after all, and then there’d been the sale on DVDs at the entrance where she had found The Lion King, which of course was Camila’s favorite Disney of all times, then the goldfish crackers, which again had triggered something, and finally the baby aisle and pacifiers displays. She was still surprised, she knew that Camila definitely had it in her, but to see her slip like that after just a few days was still surprising. Well, a few days… Lauren had always been rather maternal toward her, she had been taking it to a new level, but they weren’t exactly starting from nothing. Honestly, with how frazzled Camila’s mind had been this past year, she shouldn’t have been surprised that it would be so prompt to just let go the second it was offered a safe place. Waiting for their turn, she ordered an uber, the faster they were back, the better.

It all went pretty fast, and soon enough they were getting in the car. The driver had a divider installed, which was just perfect right now. Lauren buckled her up, and took the candy out of the bag.

“Do you want the candy, baby?”

That got Camila to pull the tip of her thumb away from her teeth. Lauren quickly opened the package, and held the pacifier to Camila’s mouth, their eyes meeting as Camila opened her mouth and started suckling on it. The moment felt intense, and filled with meaning. Lauren put her finger through the hoop of the pacifier part, and gently stroked her cheek. It was a bit big for her mouth, but that would do for now. Camila looked soothed, and was nuzzling closer to her hand, enjoying her touch.

“You’ve been really good, baby. I’m proud of you.”

She blushed at that, happy that Lauren was pleased with her. Lauren then pulled back her hand, gently kissing the cheek she had been petting. Camila missed it right away, but let her head fall on Lauren’s shoulder and closed her eyes, focusing solely on the feeling of the candy in her mouth and Lauren’s perfume. It was amazing how she could suddenly just disconnect from the rest of the world. Too bad they didn’t have Nala with them.

When she opened her eyes again, they were back at the hotel.

“Come on, let’s go, Camzi!”

Camila was hesitant to come out for a second. Did she have to hide the paci? ‘cause she really wanted to keep it in her mouth, but what if people saw? She felt at war with herself, like she was being pulled in two different directions. When Lauren finally reach for her hand, she let her, and decided to just follow her. If it wasn’t okay, Lauren would probably say something.

Lauren was used to reading Camila, and she could see that she was struggling. She didn’t want her to get out of the headspace so soon, so she decided to take the lead. Still with her hand in hers, they climbed up the hotel steps and crossed the lobby, quickly making their way to the elevators.

“Lauren! Camila!”

For a second, Lauren thought it was a fan, but she knew that voice. Turning around she was met with the sight of a very hesitant Normani. Anger surged through her again, she was not over what had happened, deep down she was sure there was a reason to all of this, but now was not the time for her to hear it.

“Not now, Normani.”

“Please, I’m… I’m so sorry! I-”

“Not now, and especially not here.”

Lauren could feel eyes on them, the last thing they needed was to draw attention to them. 

“Yes, you’re right. Can we talk later then?”

Her voice was pleading, she knew she had messed up, but she wanted to explain and make amends. She had been waiting for them to come back for nearly an hour, now.

Lauren let out a long sigh.

“…How about I text you when we’re ready?”

“Ok. Just… Just know that I don’t think that of you? I never judged you about… that. It just came out wrong.”

“I’ll text you later.”

“Ok…”

Lauren got into the elevator, pulling Camila with her. She knew she had been harsh, but she wasn’t ready, and they were in the lobby, and Camila was in headspace-

“You shouldn’t be so harsh with Mani.”

Camila’s voice had cut through her thought process. When she turned around, Camila was pulling back the cap on her candy, and putting it away in her purse. Lauren couldn’t help but be a bit disappointed, clearly Camila was out of her headspace. And of course, it was Normani’s fault! Again!

“Don’t pull that face. Text Mani, let’s just sort this out right now.”

Now Lauren was the one feeling like whining, but before she could say anything, the elevator was stopping at their floor.

“I… I don’t like when we fight. We have an interview tomorrow, and a concert the next day, we can’t just stay mad at each other.”

Clearly this was a source of great worry for her. Lauren couldn’t have her stress about something like that. Camila got her there, damn she was whipped!

Lauren took her in her arms the second their door was closed.

“Okay, I’ll text her, we’ll get it over with.”

“That’s not… You are right to be angry, I am too, but-”

“I know what you mean, baby. We’re a group, we can’t let things like this fester. And I’m sure Mani has an explanation, I’m just…hurt.”

“I know. I’m so sorry”

“Don’t you dare apologize, baby! You didn’t do anything wrong, you hear me?”

“…I should have told her about the bruises.”

“She probably wouldn’t have believed you… How do you feel, Camz?”

“…Like I’ve been dropped back in reality… Was that…? Is that what being in the headspace is like?”

“From what I gather, it seems it’s a bit different from one person to the next, but yeah, that’s what it looked like from where I stood.”

“I think I’ve done it before, like get in the headspace.”

“Yeah, and I’m really an idiot to not have noticed before how often you went into littlespace recently. I mean, two weeks ago you went to cry in your bunk when Dinah changed the channel because she didn’t want to watch Adventure Time!”

“It was an episode with Marceline! And she put a horror movie instead!”

Lauren just smiled in her hair, holding her a bit closer. In the end, she had had to climb in with her in her bunk, and put the episode up on her phone to calm Camila down. The small girl had cuddled up close against her, sniffling for another 10 minutes. 

“Do you want to take care of this right now, or do you want a little moment to just relax?”

“I think I’d rather get it done right now… Then maybe after we can try to have a “Little moment” to relax?”

“Your puns are out of control today, baby, but sure. That sounds like a good plan.”

When Normani entered the room 5 minutes later, the girls were sitting close to each other on the couch.

“Sit down, Normani. Just let get this over with.”

Lauren sounded tired. And hurt. Normani could see in her eyes. She felt so bad. She just had no filter sometimes, and she had been genuinely concerned, but it had all come out wrong.

“I want to apologize to the both of you. I…”

She had spent the whole morning thinking of a speech to explain everything, but now faced with them she didn’t feel like it would be enough.

“God… Lauren, I wasn’t thinking when I said those things, and Camila I’m so sorry for grabbing you like that and not even letting you explain. It’s just… It happened before. No to me! But it happened to one of my friends. She always had those huge bruises, but she always played it off as being clumsy or saying that she bruised easily. It went on for years… One day I saw her father raise his hand on her. She made me promise that night to never talk about it. Like the idiot I was, I promised. I went back to my life, pretending to believe her when she was telling me that she was okay. 2 weeks later, he put her in the hospital. He pushed her down the stairs while drunk, and forgot about her until next morning. She was in a coma for 2 weeks, and then the social services took her away. I never even saw her again. I’m not… I’m not trying to justify myself, it was wrong, I was wrong, I should have never said those things! But for a second it took me back there… and I had to do something! I panicked, and said things I don’t even think, and acted like a maniac. I’m so sorry, guys.”

Well, that was one thing neither had expected to hear. Camila felt like crying, and ran into Normani’s arms once she was done to comfort her friend. Lauren’s anger cloud had dissipated. She even felt bad believing that Mani, of all people, could think that of her. She had projected her insecurities on her, and it wasn’t fair. She was glad Camila had wanted to clear up the situation right away.

“I’m really sorry for you, Mani. And you’re all forgiven, if anything I should be grateful to know that you wouldn’t stay idle if things went wrong for any of us.”

Lauren joined the hug. Normani had tears of relief running down her face, and Lauren being the mother hen she was, softly dried them and cooed. Camila felt jealous. It was stupid, she knew it, but it was hard seeing Lauren act like that with someone else. Dragging her eyes away from her hand still on Normani’s cheek, she noticed the amused smirk on Lauren’s face.

“Come on guys, let’s enjoy the rest of our afternoon! How about we go to the pool like we planned, and put this all behind us?”

Both girls nodded.

“Let me relieve you of that.”

Lauren then grabbed Camila who was still holding on to Normani, and pulled her on her shoulder.

“Lauren!! Put me down!”

“Nope, no time to waste!”

Normani giggled at the scene, they were so cute together! She was glad they had accepted to let her explain, and that they had forgiven her. Lauren tended to be good at holding grudges, so she was sure she had Camila to thank for that.

“I’ll take the bathroom!”

“The swimsuit is still on Camila’s suitcase!”

“Laur-eeeen!”

Lauren was playfully spinning around with Camila still in her arms. Once Normani was out of sight, she pulled her back normally in her arms.

“Put me down!”

“Nope! Wanna know why?”

“…Why?”

Camila was already blushing under Lauren’s knowing smile.

“Cause I know a little baby monkey that was really jealous just a second ago…”

“I wasn’t!”

“Are you lying to me?”

“…It wasn’t like that.”

“Oh really? Cause it looked like you weren’t too happy to see me taking care of someone else.”

Camila looked up at Lauren, nervously nibbling on her bottom lip.

“…Is that bad?”

“No baby! I just want you to know that I’m all yours, you don’t have to feel jealous or threatened.”

“I know! It’s just… I’m not really used to having to share you.”

“It’s okay, baby. But you know it’ll happen sometimes, does’t mean you’re not my favorite anymore.”

Rationally, Camila knew that, but a part of her was struggling to with the concept: a very little, little part of her…She cuddled back in her arms, happy to hide there, and have Lauren comfort her, even if it was for silly reasons.

“How about we put those swimsuits back on, huh? I’ll help you.”

Camila was puzzled for a second. What could she help her with?

“Let’s put you on the bed.”

Not really finding the strength to ask, and happy to let Lauren do whatever she wanted, she let her move around like a puppet. Once laying on the bed, Lauren took of her socks, and her pants, then had her bend her knees. Camila was distracted by Nala, so much that she nearly missed when Lauren popped open the first button of her bodysuit.

“Lauren! That’s not how it works!”

“Seems to me that’s it’s a pretty effective technique.”

“But it’s hard to snap them back!”

“I’ll snap them back myself, then. Are you uncomfortable, baby? Do you want to use your colors?”

Camila shook her head after some reflection. She didn’t mind. It felt good even, made her want to have her candy back in her mouth, and cuddle with Nala. Just thinking about it, she was back at nibbling on her thumb.

“Oh, is Camzi slipping back?”

Camila just hid her face with Nala at the teasing tone.

“What a cute baby, I’ll finish quickly.”

Lauren was enjoying herself to say the least! Those bodysuit were godsends, it worked the same way than a baby onesie, and clearly, Camila could feel it. She quickly discarded her of her clothes, none of them really bothered by it with how many times Lauren had seen Camila’s body those past few days! It was different though, this time Lauren’s gaze on her body was possessive, it was all hers now.

Camila wasn’t too happy about putting back on her wet swimsuit, but Lauren made quick work of it, and helped her put on a dress.

“You haven’t changed yet, Lauren??”

“Oh! You’re done, Mani! No, I’m good, I have mine underneath already! I’ll just grab us some towels!”

They made their way downstairs to the indoor pool, Lauren leading Camila by the hand. The pool was pretty much empty apart from a few old people sitting in the Jacuzzi. Normani went in the water for a bit, to do some lengths to exhaust the last of her nervous energy. After that, she was glad to just go lay down on the sunbed to relax. Her plan was to read some of her magazines, but her eyes just kept catching sight of Lauren and Camila. Those two had something going on, they just had to. They hadn’t stopped touching each other! Even now, Camila’s giggles could be heard echoing through the whole pool as Lauren was swimming with her on her back.

“Okay! No, stop! That’s scary!”

That made Normani smile, Camila was so cute. She had a youthfulness about her that just pulled people in. After one last look, she concentrated back on her article about Beyoncé’s pregnancy.

“What do you want to do then?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you want to get out?”

“No! Not yet!”

“Alright, a bit more then.”

Lauren was whipped. So, so whipped, but Camila was so pretty in the water. It wasn’t just her look, really, she was just so in her element, moving around like a mermaid.

“Can we go back where I can touch the bottom?”

“Sure! Can I touch the bottom?”

“LAUREN!”

“Just checking for future reference.”

“Not in the pool!”

“Then out of the pool?”

“You’re obsessed.”

“Yes.”

Camila just pushed Lauren’s head underwater in exasperation. Once underwater, Lauren started chasing her like a shark.

“No!! Ah! Lauren stop!!”

She was running around like an idiot, tripping here and there, and losing her breath because she was laughing so much. Finally, Lauren managed to corner her, and got back to her feet, blocking any possible escape route with her arms.

“I got you little girl!”

“No, please!”

“No to what?”

Camila was nervously laughing.

“I don’t know! But no, please!”

“No cuddles, then?”

“Are you gonna cuddle me, and then do something mean?”

“I mean, it would have to be some top shelf cuddles, but I might.”

Camila thus wrapped her arms around her neck, and her legs around her hips. Nuzzling close to her.

“Such good cuddles.”

“So don’t be mean.”

“I didn’t say they were top shelf.”

Camila pulled back her head a bit to be face to face with Lauren.

“What would make them top shelf then?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

The two were staring at the other’s lips. Camila finally took the plunge and started kissing her. The kiss was slow and sensual. Wanting more, Camila parted her lips, not able to hold back a moan when she felt Lauren’s tongue slowly caress hers. As if it would hide them from the world, they dipped deeper in the water, so that only their faces were not submerged, and further into the corner. Camila had never felt anything like that, the rush of feelings she felt everytime they touched was like nothing she had ever experienced. She was addicted. The kiss didn’t escalate more, they just enjoyed their new intimacy, both taking in the moment. When Lauren broke off the kiss, Camila instinctively followed her lips, but Lauren only gave her one last peck.

“What’s with us and making out in water?”

Camila started laughing, it wasn’t that funny, it was just a happy laugh like she hadn’t had in a long while. She felt so relaxed. She let her head fall back, Lauren’s arms anchoring her. Eyes closed, she felt like after all those months, her burden was finally starting to lighten. She was going to be okay. When her eyes opened again, Lauren was gazing adoringly at her. It was Lauren that closed the gap to nuzzle her this time. Camila’s heart didn’t feel big enough for the three kisses she felt against her neck.

Not too far from their bubble, Normani couldn’t even attempt to hide her glee. It was happening! And she had proof! Sure, filming your friends making out was probably not very ethical, but it had to be done. For the sake of love. It’s not like she was going to show it to anyone. Well. Technically she owed it to Dinah, right? She didn’t want to get a poly beat down! She’d see, for now she was just happy to watch those two heart-eyed fools.

Chapter Text

“Alright, the shower’s free, Cami-”

She wasn’t prepared for the sight awaiting her in their room. Camila was sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table. Her gaze was fixed on the TV playing their newly acquired The Lion King DVD, while her hands were absentmindedly playing with the pink kinetic sand scattered on the table. Camila had put her pink blanket over her like a cape, with Nala sitting on her lap, her candy pacifier back in her mouth. Without a word, Lauren took out her phone, and took a picture to commit the moment to memory. She made her way to the little girl, and sat right behind her.

“Well, hello there, tiny one…”

“Hi…”

“What are you doing?”

“Watching Nala?”

Her words were a bit slurred because of the pacifier.

“Yeah? And how’s the sand like?”

“It’s really soft, touch it!”

Camila excitedly took a piece of kinetic sand in her hand and put it in Lauren’s hand.

“See! And look!”

She then took one ball she had made with it, and broke it apart a bit before putting in back on the table and pointing at how the sand was slowly moving, as if it was alive.

“That’s pretty neat, huh, baby?”

Camila nodded absentmindedly, her eyes back on the TV where Simba was climbing atop a huge pyramid of animals and singing.

Lauren had never seen her regressed that much before.

“Baby? It’s nearly dinner time, how about we take out the candy, now?”

“No! Not my paci, Lo!”

She hadn’t expected such a strong reaction. Tears were already pearling at the corner of her eyes.

“Camila. You can’t keep eating the candy, baby.”

“…No!”

She was clearly getting upset. She started moving away from Lauren, her hands hiding her mouth.

“Shh, it’s okay, baby! How about I give you some water in your bottle, huh?”

“Lo-oh!”

“I know it’s hard, baby, but you know the rules.”

Lauren took it upon herself to take the paci out of her mouth, which opened the floodgates. Camila had felt so peaceful minutes ago, but now she just felt so unsettled. She couldn’t help the tears, her anxiety went up all once, leaving her restless.

“Come here, love.”

The feeling of being suddenly lifted just made her cry harder, but soon enough Lauren’s familiar touch and soft words were helping her settle. Nala was pushed in her arms, and she was able to push her face in her fur.

“Let me just fill the bottle. It’s okay.”

Lauren made quick work of it. She hated seeing Camila so upset, and just wanted to cave and give her back the candy, but she knew that she couldn’t do that. It really would spoil her appetite for tonight, and most importantly, she had to show her that she wouldn’t come back on her words, which was an essential part of building trust. This was as much part of her role as making sure her little girl was happy.

“There you go! Come one, drink some water for me, baby.”

Camila didn’t know how parched she was until the first drops of cold water fell on her tongue.

“Slow down, baby! See? All that sugar just dried you out.”

She walked them back to the couch, her arms feeling quite full with Camila, her fluffy cape, Nala and the bottle in them. She put Camila sideways on her lap, holding her bottle for her, while Camila started watching the movie again and played with Nala’s ears. In a few minutes, she was completely calm again. The bottle didn’t feel as good as the paci in her mouth, but the added comfort of Lauren’s presence made it all good.

“What do you say that we watch a bit more of the movie, then you’ll have your shower, and we’ll have dinner?”

“And then we finish the movie?”

“No, baby. No screen before bedtime, but you can play some more, and then we’ll go to bed. We have to be up early tomorrow.”

“But I want to finish it!”

“Camila. Do you want to stop right now?”

“…No…”

“Good, then how about we stop once Timon and Pumbaa find him in the desert?”

“No! It’s still sad, then!”

“When then?”

“After Can You Feel The Love Tonight?”

“That’s too far, baby. No.”

“UGH!”

“Camila, we can also stop right now.”

“Okay…After Hakuna Matata?”

“Alright. After the song I want to see this little booty jump in the shower, and no whining, understood?”

“Okay.”

The temptation to answer “okay, who?” was huge, but she stopped herself in time, instead putting her nose in Camila’s hair that still smelled like chlorine. It took her right back to their moment in the pool, her girlfriends in her arms, and her lips on hers. She felt so stupidly happy, just thinking about it put a huge smile on her face. She had always wondered how the transitions between play time and “regular” times were going to be like, turned out it all felt very natural and instinctive, both of them just following each other’s cues. So much, that Lauren had to remind herself that it was all brand new. She had to give Camila time to adjust, even if she looked like she was doing just fine. Lauren didn’t mean to be so eager, it just felt so right, and natural, and perfect! She had to make it work, she just had to.

The song came on and once it was done, like a perfect little girl, Camila got up, kissed Lauren’s cheek with a big smooch, and went to the bathroom. Lauren’s smile was huge, such a good girl! As a reward she decided that her baby deserved her dino-nuggets and mac’n’cheese. She was monitoring Camila’s nutrition better, but she thought the girl deserved a treat, it had been an emotional day. She ordered it and a cheeseburger for herself, deciding that they both deserved a cheat meal tonight.

Just as she was wheeling in their dinner, Camila came out of the shower, wearing a bathrobe far too big for her.

“I forgot my pajamas!”

Camila didn’t really know why she was blushing, the shower had made her come out of her headspace, and she felt a bit self-conscious to be walking around in just this huge bathrobe in front of Lauren.

“It’s okay, baby, do you want to change first?”

At that, Camila’s stomach betrayed her, and started gurgling.

“Maybe we need to feed the beast first, huh? Let’s just eat, you’ll change after.”

Camila shyness simply evaporated the second Lauren revealed what she had ordered her. She ran to the table, then ran to Lauren to give her a huge hug and a smooch before rushing back to the table and grabbing a nugget. Lauren laughed a bit at her antics, making sure that she was correctly sitting at the table before starting to eat.

“Camila, stop stealing my fries! Eat what’s in your plate first.”

“But then there won’t be any fries left!”

“Exactly. Cause they’re my fries.”

“Lauren, I’m your girlfriend!”

“Yes, I’m still over the moon about it myself, but I don’t see what this has to do with our current situation.”

“It’s mandatory to let me have a percentage of your food. What’s yours is mine, babe!”

“Try to steal some of my fries again, and I’ll have a percentage of your ass, if you see what I mean!”

“You would seriously deny food to your malnourished girlfriend?”

“My malnourished girlfriend should be happy that I let her have her junk food to begin with.”

“Yeah, well my girlfriend is not getting any of that booty with that kind of attitude!”

They stared a long time into each other’s eyes, challenging the other. Finally, Lauren caved, and put a handful of fries in Camila’s plate with a sigh.

“Just finish your plate.”

Camila didn’t feel the need to rub it in, content to just wear a very smug smirk. Only growing more victorious as Lauren started mumbling.

“…Not even 24h in, and already being denied the booty…I can’t believe this…”

“Finish your plate, Lauren.”

Lauren always made Camila feel so good about herself. She was always such a tiny thing, not really tall, rather flat, the only curvy part of her was butt, and if Lauren always salivated in front of it, Camila had rather been used to mockeries about it. Her butt came in before she even had the smallest hint of boobs, she was constantly taunted about it in school. The fact that she was rather clumsy didn’t help, kids would always say that because her butt was so big, her balance was off. Lauren had been constantly reassuring her and making her feel good about herself, either by her words, or, and mostly, by her actions. She could always feel her checking her out. Camila was in no way innocent in that department either! Lauren was a goddess, all curves and soft muscles. She couldn’t count the number of time she had stumbled during dance rehearsal because Lauren was wearing a crop top showing off her abs, or worse, how many times Dinah had had to snap her out of staring at her chest. Damn… Those boobies!

Distracted by her thought, she didn’t see Lauren get up to get one of her yogurts that the doctor had prescribed.

“Lauren, no! I’m too full! And I don’t need it, I’ve had fries too!”

“Just half of it.”

“No-oh! My stomach hurts!”

That was a slight exaggeration, but Lauren wasn’t easily duped.

“Baby, I know how much that stomach can hold. Just half of it.”

Lauren just put a spoonful in front of her mouth. Camila whined, but still opened, letting Lauren feed her. As it went on, she felt herself fall back again in what she now knew was her littlespace, happy to let Lauren take care of her. Lauren had seen the shift, it was probably the first time that it was happening before her eyes. She saw how her shoulders relaxed, how her eyes took on that faraway look, she even started holding herself differently. In the end, Camila ate it all, suckling on the spoon at the end.

“You finished it, baby! Good job, I’m very proud.”

The way she blushed and sort of hid her face was adorable.

“How about we brush our teeth and put on some PJs, now?”

Lauren grabbed her hand, and led her to the bathroom, preparing her toothbrush for her, and making silly faces in the mirror as she brushed her own teeth to make her laugh. They then went to Camila’s suitcase, sitting down with her in her lap.

“So what do we want? Onesie?”

“Too hot.”

“Leggings?”

“No pants, they’re annoying!”

“Mhm…You don’t have any shorts left, baby…”

“No pants, Lo!”

“Alright, you bossy little thing!”

She tickled her, until she was wiggling like a worm in her embrace.

“How about we put back on the bodysuit, then?”

Lauren was trying to hide her excitement at the idea. Seeing her in it early, and helping her out of it had been quite the experience. Honestly, if it was up to her, Camila would only be wearing those. Camila shyly nodded with the pad of her thumb back in her mouth.

“But you help with the buttons!”

“Damn right, I will!”

Lauren started peppering kisses all over Camila’s neck while lifting her back up.

“Alright, go get me the cream for your bruises, baby!”

“Okay!”

Minutes later, Camila was laying back on the bed, the top of the bodysuit already pulled on her. Lauren was sitting between her legs, sliding her panties up her now mostly dry butt.

“Does it still hurt, baby?”

“Sometimes when I sit.”

“Okay, that’s normal, then. Not when you’re moving, you’re sure?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Good! Now let’s button this thing back on!”

She carefully snapped in each buttons, not rushing so she could enjoy the moment. Camila was playing around with Nala, so she took her time, knowing that they were both comfortable.

“Alright, and now, ‘cause I know a little one that always has cold feet! How about we try those sock I bought you?”

She slipped them on Camila’s feet, and it looked perfect. Camila was lying there in what looked like a baby onesie, with frilly socks on. Lauren couldn’t resist lying down next to her and pulling her against her, smiling even more when Camila snuggled up to her. Once again, she started putting her thumb to her mouth, nibbling it.

“We should really find you a paci, baby. Do you want to look for one?”

Camila sheepishly released her thumb, and wiped it on her onesie before nodding.

“Okay, let me find some shop that sells them online.”

They browsed a few sites, before Camila found the one she liked most: a pink and purple see-through Nuk 5. Lauren still picked a classic white one, in case the other was lost, broken or dirty. Clearly little Camila needed her paci a lot, so she’d rather be safe than sorry!

“Do you want to look at the bottles, too, baby? Or it is too much at once?”

Camila shook her head.

“I need you to use your words, Camila.”

“The bottles, too.”

“Alright, thank you, baby.”

After a kiss on her forehead, Lauren went back to searching for the right site for what they needed. After much hesitation between the classic nuk teat and the new long ones they were making, she decided on getting both, so Camila could figure out which was one was best. Everything they had ordered should arrive while they were in Norfolk like Lauren had planned.

Ordering those, just made Camila more anxious for a paci. She needed it now, not in three stupid days! She felt agitated and unsettled all over again.

“Hey, baby, what’s wrong? Why that big frown on that pretty face?”

“…I want…I want my paci now!”

Camila’s composure had just crumbled, and sobs had started wracking through her little body. The sight of it just broke Lauren’s heart, sadly there wasn’t much to do at nearly 9 pm! All the stores around were closed, and the trip to the mall would take over an hour. No. She was sticking to the routine, they were going to find a solution.

“Shh, baby, I know. I promise we’ll find something tomorrow.”

Camila just rolled herself on her stomach, hiding her face in the pillows. She couldn’t stop crying, and she felt so mad! She wasn’t usually like this, always so resilient and patient, but right now there was no place for that in her mind. She needed it.

Lauren gently rubbed her back in long strokes, feeling bad that she wasn’t able to provide to Camila what she needed the most at this instant.

“I’ll get Nala and your blanket, baby. You’re alright.”

Quickly Lauren put Nala back in her arms, and covered her completely with the blanket. She then went back to their shopping bags and grabbed for the two microwaveable plushies. Clearly calming Camila wasn’t going to be an easy task, so she would use all the tricks she could. Making a quick job of heating them, and filling back up the shaker bottle with water, she then went back to bed and moved the blanket a bit, so she was able to put the warm plushies on each side of her still sobbing little girl. She went back to stroking her back, and her hair, waiting to see if it would calm her down. It did, after another five minutes, Camila’s cries calmed down a bit.

“Good girl, I know it’s hard baby. I just need you to calm down a bit, I’m right here.”

Eventually, the little blanket pile moved closer to Lauren’s lap, until she could feel Camila’s head in top of it. Lauren carefully pulled the blanket away from Camila’s face that was flushed from crying and the heat under the blanket.

“Hi, baby!”

“…Hi…”

The tears were still audible in her words, which made Lauren gently stroke her cheek, trying to erase her tears.

“Do you want some water?”

Camila didn’t answer, she just pulled herself up, and sat correctly on her lap, her arms filled with the three plushies. Lauren just picked up the water and had Camila latch on it. Her baby looked distraught, so she gently rocked them, humming in her hair and leaving kisses there. Laure didn’t let her finish the bottle this time, she knew she would just keep on suckling for the sake of suckling, and a stomach full of water wasn’t the best thing before going to sleep.

“Lo! No!”

“No, baby. No more water for now.”

When Camila tried rebelliously to grab it from Lauren’s hands, all she got in return was a pop on her naked hip.

“I said no, Camila!”

“But I want it!”

“No, you just want to suckle, so we need to find a solution to that, I don’t need you to wake in two hours because you’re bladder is about to explode.”

Camila just started to rub her eyes, feeling the tears come again even if she was pursing her lips to try to hold them back.

“I know it’s hard, baby. It’s just for tonight. How about you try to suck your thumb?”

“…I don’t like it…”

“Can you be really brave and try for me?”

Lauren’s voice was like a feather, and Camila, though she still felt miserable, did as she was told. It felt wrong, or if not wrong, just not good.

“I don’t like it!”

“Thank you for trying, can you tell me why you don’t like it?”

Lauren’s soft voice kept Camila’s tantrum at bay. Instead of acting even more petulant, she took the time to find the answer, even putting her thumb back in her mouth to test it out again.

“I…My thumb doesn’t feel good. It’s- It’s wet, and I don’t like it.”

After that she let out a huge yawn that had her whimper at the end, making her tear up all over again. She was so sleepy, she felt like she just needed her paci, and she would be out. But she didn’t have one, and her thumb felt cold and wet now, and her unicorn and dragon felt so perfectly warm against her tummy, and Lauren was so close, but she just couldn’t let go!

“Shh, no more tears, love! You’re okay, you’ll be asleep in no time, baby! Can we try something.”

“Please, Lo!”

“Okay, let’s do this, come here.”

Lauren slid down in bed, and put herself on her side, pulling Camila against her. Both of them facing the same way, Lauren pulled one arm over her, letting her adjust all her plushies first.

“Comfy?”

“uh-huh.”

“Alright, how about we try with my thumb, then, huh? Do you think you’d like to try?”

Camila was glad she didn’t have to answer Lauren while facing her. The rush she felt at the words, clearly indicated that her answer was a yes. Refusing to second guess this, and really desperate for some soothing, she grabbed Lauren’s hand and pulled it at her mouth, watching how Lauren automatically pulled her hand in a fist, and made her thumb stand out in the direction of her mouth.

Her eyes fell shut the second she started suckling. She felt like waves of relief were finally coursing through her veins. It was perfect, Lauren’s nails were short and unpainted for once, and her thumb was about the same size as her own, so it was just big enough for her mouth. She had never contemplated how intimate something like this could be. It had no sexual undertone, Lauren was just providing her the soothing she needed. She had liked it when Lauren had pulled her finger though the hoop of her candy, but this was ten thousand times better! She could taste her, and her fingers that were gently tracing her nose and forehead still smelled like the lavender contained in the warm plushies.

“It is okay?”

Camila nodded, feeling already half asleep. Before finally losing her fight with sleep, she linked some fingers to Lauren’s hand to anchor her there. She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so peaceful.

Lauren pulled herself even closer to Camila. The sensation was impossible to describe, but she absolutely loved it. It’s not something she had particularly thought of before, but she was glad it had crossed her mind tonight! It made her feel so close to her little girl, making her literally her soother. Her breathing against her chest, and the rhythmic suckle motion against her finger quickly made her fall asleep too, her nose deep into Camila’s baby scent.

Chapter Text

What followed the 5 am alarm that morning, were only unhappy groans. Lauren took the initiative of cutting it off, while Camila just hid back her face against her side.

“Time to wake up baby…”

“Nooo…”

“But you’re supposed to give me good morning kisses!”

“Is’ not mornin’…”

Lauren rolled her eyes a bit at the girl’s muffled words.

“Try not saying that in my boob to see how it sounds?

“Nope.”

Lauren rolled her eyes at that, and just poked her on her side.

“NO! Lauren! I’m ticklish!”

The trick had worked and Camila had jumped up.

“I won’t if you give me the kisses you owe me.”

“I don’t owe you anything, you nincompoop!

“Oh, you just asked for it!!”

“Aah!! No, Lauren stop!! Wait, I’ll pee myself!”

After that, Camila literally flew out of bed and into the bathroom. Lauren just lied back in bed with a happy smile. Who needed dreams, when reality was so good? Her smile even turned smug when she heard Camila brush her teeth, in turn she grabbed a Listerine strip from her purse by her bed, and put it on her tongue. Once she heard the door unlocked, she put herself in the middle of the bed like Snow White, and waited with lips pursed and eyes closed for Camila to come back.

“Oh my god! You’re such an idiot, I swear!”

Camila couldn’t help but giggle. She probably had never been in such a good mood so early in the morning before. She jumped back on the bed.

“Lauren! …Ugh, you’re so annoying!!”

Lauren was still silent, pointedly pursing her lips, waiting for her true love’s kiss. Camila finally relented, but just put a small peck on her lips

“Now, that wouldn’t wake up anything, Camila!”

“She’s alive!!”

“Why are you being so mean to me?”

“Tough love.”

“I want sweet love! Give me my kisses! Do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting for this moment?”

“I don’t know, how long?”

“…Never mind.”

“Too late, Snowy, you should have stayed asleep!”

Camila grinned victoriously as she straddled Lauren’s body.

“So, how long?

“…A while…”

Lauren had to admit that she was probably more distracted by Camila’s position than her question. Her hands moved to settle on Camila’s hips, which had the small girl raise an eyebrow.

“May I help you?”

“No, I’m good, thank you.”

“Well, if you won’t cooperate, I’ll get up-”

“Since that day during X-factor when you napped on my lap!”

Camila settled back down on her with a surprised expression.

“That long?”

“Yes, Camila. I’m not being whiny, I think I just deserve it at this point.”

Camila just stared at her for a moment. Her hair disheveled on the pillow, her face completely free of makeup, and her pouty lips, really how was Camila supposed to resist the sight? Not able to refrain herself any longer, she leaned into Lauren and finally give her the good morning kiss she deserved… and then some, and then a lot more, because Camila couldn’t help but want more. Feeling Lauren’s body under hers was a huge rush, added to her smell, and taste, and the feeling of her tongue against hers, it was a lethal combination. One of Camila’s hand was fisted in Lauren’s hair, softly pulling it, and making the girl moan at the sensation. Both of Lauren’s hands started to move down her back, softly making their way to the Promised Land-

“I HOPE YOU GUYS ARE UP! WE’RE LEAVING IN HALF AN HOUR!”

“…I hate Dinah.”

“GUYS?”

“YES DINAH! WE’RE UP!”

“GOOD!”

After answering Dinah, Lauren let herself fall back down and covered her face with her arms still mumbling angrily.

“She’s right, we should get ready.”

Camila was trying to catch her breath, her voice still raspy.

“…I know, but please don’t use that voice on me right now, babe. I’m not sure my heart can take it!’

With a quick peck on her cheeks and smug smile, Camila got up and sauntered to her suitcase to grab an outfit. Lauren stayed on the bed, groaning for 5 more minutes about “being fucking booty-blocked” before doing the same.

They were running a bit late, but they were both ready to go by 6. Camila was wearing a cute black skater dress with a white collar and a black bow headband, while Lauren was wearing black ripped skinny jeans, with a white crop top and a black leather jacket. Lauren was collecting the last things she needed when she heard Camila’s hesitant voice.

“Lauren?”

“Yes, baby?”

“…Are we gonna tell people?”

“About what, babe?”

Her beanie! She knew she was forgetting something! She had Camila’s shake ready, comfortable shoes for her to change into since Camila was in heels, she had also grabbed the perplexus just in case, a water bottle, and their makeup pouches if they needed to do some touch-ups…

“Us, Lauren!”

That stopped Lauren. How come she hadn’t thought about that? Camila started munching on her bottom lip seeing Lauren freeze like this.

“Baby, don’t do that, you’ll ruin your lipstick and put some on your teeth!”

Lauren’s thumb carefully pulled her lip away from her teeth. She didn’t move her hand away from her face, gently cradling it to appease Camila.

“To be completely honest with you, I haven’t really thought about it. Is it something you want to do? I mean, I have nothing against it, I’m not ashamed! If anything, I’d probably be shouting in from the rooftop if things were different!”

“…But they’re not, aren’t they?’

“It doesn’t stop us from telling the people close to us, baby. I don’t think it would be very wise to just announce it on the radio right now, we should probably check with our team first, but we can tell the girls if you want? Or not. Whatever you want!”

“But what do you want?”

“I want you happy and comfortable. I won’t ask you to come out, if you don’t feel comfortable doing it yet…”

“…Maybe…Maybe we could wait for the tour to be over? Before we all go home? That way, they’d have time to…I don’t know, get used to it?”

“I don’t think it will be a problem for them, but sure, just tell me whenever you want to do it, and we’ll do it together, alright?

Camila just nodded, pulling Lauren into a hug. She was relieved that Lauren was taking it that way, she wasn’t ashamed either, she just needed some time. Just a few months ago she was still struggling with her sexual identity, so to just announce to her best friends that she had a girlfriend when she wasn’t even out was a bit scary.

“GUYS! WE’RE GONNA BE LATE!”

Lauren sighed and pulled away from Camila, forcefully opening the door.

“For God’s sake, Dinah! Stop yelling in the corridor! People are sleeping!”

“Good morning to you too, Lauser! How you doin’?”

“Leave her alone Chee-Chee! Where is all that energy even coming from, since when are you a morning person?”

“Some of us have a little bit more to do than just slap on some makeup, we’ve been awake since 4!”

“Let’s go before she has us thrown out of this place!”

“Ok, first, that only happened once, and it wasn’t even my fault! Second, rude! You need to let go of some steam, Lauren!”

Lauren couldn’t hold back her glare. She loved Dinah, but right now just wasn’t the moment for this. And her little knowing smile was just making it all worse.

“…I need coffee, let’s go.”

“After you, oh grumpy one!”

“DJ! Leave her alone!”

Camila playfully shoved Dinah, who looked at her incredulously and started chasing after her.

“NOOO!”

They both started running down the corridor to the stairs.

“Goddamnit! Stop yelling!! AND DON’T RUN DOWN THE STAIRS!”

“Would you mind stop making so much noise, young lady!”

Lauren couldn’t believe it, of course someone would come out the second she was alone!

“I’m sorry, Sir. We’re leaving.”

“Yes, well how about you try to do so quietly, next time?”

Lauren didn’t have the strength to answer nicely to this, so she just went down to the lobby to join the girls. She just had time to grab a coffee to go before they were hauled in the car, on their way to the studio.

“Camila, drink your shake.”

“Wait! I’m about to beat Dinah at Mars Rover!”

“Camila. Pause it.”

“Just a second, I need both hands for it!”

Camila was so entranced by the game, that she didn’t feel Lauren get closer to her ear.

“Camila, one.”

The words were whispered in her ear, but there was no mistaking her stern tone.

“I’ll play after, Dinah.”

“Oh please, Mila! You just know you can’t beat my score!”

“I can!”

Just as she was about to fall for Dinah’s trap, her eyes met Lauren’s. She swallowed hard at the look she was giving her.”

“…And I will! After mykay!”

“You’re chicken!”

“AM NOT!”

“Dinah, stop working her up! Camila, two.”

This time she didn’t bother whispering it, the effect was instant, Camila let go of her phone and started drinking looking down. Dinah gave them a confused look, while Normani send an amused smile at Lauren and a wink. Ally was talking baking with the driver and didn’t even notice the sudden silence coming from the back.

“Hey, DJ, did you hear about the rumor that Beyoncé might have been hinting at her pregnancy back in December?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ll show you.”

Lauren nodded her gratitude for the distraction. Now that Dinah was focusing on Normani, she was able to pull Camila a bit closer to her side. When Camila finally lifted her head back up it was to give her heartbreaking puppy eyes.

“Shh, it’s okay, baby, but you know better that to let her goad you.”

“But I can beat her!”

“I’m sure you do, but that’s no reason to not mind me.”

Lauren’s voice was stern again, and she sent the girl a meaningful look. Camila just sighed and let her head fall against her shoulder. Dinah always had the power to awaken the brat in her, which used to be fun, and a great source of distraction, but now it seemed like it would be mainly a source of problems, and her butt just wasn’t ready for that.

Soon after she was done, they were out of the car, and walking in the studio, waiting for everything to be ready for them to start the interview. It was for a radio, so they had to wait until their time slot, and against all odds, they were early! Lauren could see that Camila was getting nervous, antsy for it be done with. The small girl wasn’t a huge fan of interviews, she never showed it to the camera, but Lauren knew how hard of a task it was for her.

“Hey, Camz! I have your perplexus, do you want it to wait?”

Lauren felt proud when she saw her eyes light up in excitement at the simple mention of the toy, followed by an eager nod and grabby hands. She took it out of her backpack, and handed it to her, sitting down beside her with a bowl of fruit, alternating between feeding herself, and feeding Camila.

“Hey, guys! Sorry for the wait! We’ll be on air in just two minutes! Oh, wow! Is that a perplexus? My nephew loves those!

As scheduled the interview started 2 minutes later, they were asked the usual questions about their tour, their album, and dealing with fame. Those were easy, the trick was simply to not make it sound like they were answering the same thing as the last 20 times they’d been asked! Being a group made it bit easier, they just had to alternate.

“Alright guys, before we stop this lovely interview, I just feel the need to share something with the audience!”

Camila always hated those moments, feeling like the interviewer might know some stuff they were not supposed to be aware of. She still forced an excited smile for the camera.

“So, Camila would you mind showing us what you were playing with when we got here.”

“Oh! Um…Sure! It’s just a perplexus.”

Now, I’m curious, are you like a puzzle fan or something?”

“No, not really, I hate actual puzzles! Lauren got the perplexus for me.”

“Really? How come? Was it your birthday?”

“Well, I-I’ve been battling with some bad insomnia recently, as some of you guys probably know, and…huh…”

Camila was clearly uncomfortable with the line of questioning, so Lauren decided to jump in.

“The doctor told her no screen-time at night, so I just wanted to get her something to pass the time, you know! It gets pretty boring, pretty fast to just silently lie in bed. So no, no special occasion, just thought one of those could help!”

“And it does! Thanks, Lo.”

“Always, Camzi.”

Lauren by reflex sent her a wink, which made the small girl blush. Both girls then stared into each other’s eyes a bit too long… as usual! They knew the Camren tag would go crazy today, and that gif were probably already in the making, but they didn’t mind at the moment.

“Yeah, that’s really sweet! No, I thought it might have been a present cause I know you guys went to the restaurant together just yesterday.”

The guy proudly pulled out a printed copy of their selfie with the little girl they had met, and some candids taken a few minutes before that. It was in those moments that Lauren really hated this industry.

“Yeah, shout out to that little restaurant, they have the best fried plantains I’ve had in a very long time! And hello to the little cutie, she was adorable!”

“You guys had fried plantains and didn’t even invite us?”

“Oh my god! Those are so good!”

Lauren sent a discreet devious smile to the interviewer, basking in the chaos she had unleashed in the studio. She knew her girls, food was always an easy bait, and they always had her back. She discreetly rubbed Camila’s back with her fingers, knowing how freaked out she might be.

The guy quickly put an end to the interview, and after some courtesies, they all went back on their way.

“I hate when they try to bring up rumors like that!”

“Same, that was just lame and rude!”

“I mean, it’s his job…”

“Ally, stop being so nice, the guy was a prick!”

“Thanks girls, by the way, good distraction!”

“I mean, I was dead serious, I say we go get lunch there! I want fried plantains for real!”

“It will be swarmed by fans and paparazzi by then, DJ!”

“Don’t worry, they deliver, that’s how we discovered it!”

If Lauren was participating to the discussion, she was also acutely aware of how quiet Camila was being. Sitting back in her seat, she saw that the girl was silently playing with her perplexus again while frowning.

“Hey, baby, why that big frown on that little face?”

“He was rude. He had no right to bring that up.”

“I know love, but we took care of it didn’t we?”

“We shouldn’t have to!”

“I know I’ve been trying to get us a publicist for a while now. Hopefully, they’ll give us one soon.”

“No, not even that, just…We’re singers! We already share a lot with our fans, I think we deserve to keep some stuff to ourselves!”

“…You know it’s not how it work, baby.”

Camila stayed silent, but was clearly upset, so Lauren looped her arms around her, and pulled her closer. She let go of her perplexus, letting it roll down to her feet, and cuddled up to her girlfriend, feeling her tears build up.

“Chancho! Don’t cry, honey! The guy was a jerk anyway!”

That actually didn’t help, only made her start sobbing. She didn’t even know why it made her so upset, but the fact that he was just flashing those pictures in her face, of a moment so important and cherished, made her so mad! And that little smug smile he had on, apparently getting some sadistic pleasure out of her uneasiness! The worst part was that it was her fault, really! Nobody had asked her to bring up the fact that Lauren’s had bought her the perplexus! Lauren was probably also mad at her for being so stupid and walking right into that stupid trap! All because of that stupid toy! She kicked it away from her in annoyance.

“I’m sorry, Mila, I didn’t mean to make you cry!”

“It’s okay DJ, I got her, don’t worry.”

 She put one her hand on Camila’s cheek, gently stoking it with her thumb.

“Baby, you need to calm down, nothing bad happened, okay? We handled it together, just like everytime.”

“They’re like fucking vampires, they always want more!”

“No need to cuss, baby, nor to get so upset. It sucks, but we can do it, you know that.”

“But it’s not fucking fair! They always have to rub it in our face as if we were doing something bad! Sorry for having a fucking life!”

Lauren’s voice turned low again.

“Baby, do we need to make a rule about cursing?”

That just made Camila whine and fidget in discontentment.

“Oh I know you’re not happy, little girl, and I understand, but you’re already not getting back your perplexus until tomorrow, so if I were you I’d rethink my attitude.”

“Why-yy?”

The news of her punishment just unsettled her more.

“Next time you’ll know not to kick and to take good care of you stuff. Don’t think I didn’t notice, little one.”

It was great that they were all the way in the back, and that the girls were busy jamming to some music. Lauren could just keep her voice low and nobody apart from the fidgety girl in her lap could hear her.

“I’m sorry, Lo! I didn’t meant to, I was just mad, can I please have it back?”

“No baby, next time you’ll know better… And if you keep asking, you won’t get the package waiting for you at the hotel either!”

That shut up Camila’s complaints right away.

“What is it?”

“It’s a surprise!”

“Gimme a hint! Just a little tiny hint!”

Lauren was glad to see that the announcement of the present had worked wonders on Camila’s mood. She was now nearly bouncing on her lap, an excited smile on her face despite the tear tracks on her cheeks.

“You’ll know soon enough, baby. How about we get some shut-eye for the rest of the trip, huh?”

“Pleeeaaase! Just a hint!!”

“You’ll like it, now come here.”

“…I’m not tired, Lo…”

“Is that a lie I’m hearing?”

“I’m not!”

“How about we give it a try?”

Lauren put her back against the window, and pulled Camila into her arms as best as she could with their seatbelts. As planned, Camila went to lodge her head in the crook of her neck, once she was completely hiding her face there, Lauren put back her hand on her cheek, softly running her thumb against her lips.

“Open for me baby, nobody can see, it’s okay.”

Camila only hesitated a second before obeying to the whisper. She had no idea how much she needed it until she was suckling on it. She finally felt herself relax, letting herself fall a bit more into her headspace. It was fine, Lauren had said it was okay, they were safe. Lauren was relieved to feel the girl finally let go. Her instinct had been right, she was glad she had been able to stop her from having a fit in the car.

“Is she asleep?”

The three girls were looking at them now, all aww-ing at the sight. Thankfully, with the way Lauren had put them, and their hair, she knew they couldn’t see anything.

“Yeah, I think getting so upset tired her out.”

“It’s good, she needs all the rest she can get. It’s awesome that you’re helping her out so much Lauren. Really! But, if you ever need some help, you can ask us, you know that, right?”

“I know Ally, thank you guys. I got this for now, but I’ll ask if I need it.”

“Just… Don’t be too hard on yourself, Lauser. I-I was with her all the time, and I didn’t see it either. You’re far less to blame than I am.”

“DJ, you shouldn’t feel that way! It’s not your fault!”

“Please, you of all people saying that… And we all feel guilty, she’s our sister, we should have paid more attention to the signs. She’s so tiny!”

“She’s right, Laur. Something should have been done before, but I’m glad that you decided to step in, but if you ever need us, don’t hesitate for a second. We all want to help. We love her. It’s just, it seems that she’s more at ease with you.”

“Thank guys, really. I think she just needs a little bit of time to get back in the rhythm. She also feels guilty for what happened.”

She definitely felt the jab of the girl that definitely wasn’t sleeping in her arms. She wouldn’t back down, though. Camila needed to hear this.

“Oh no! Does she? That’s ridiculous! She just put too much pressure on herself, I mean, clearly she didn’t do it on purpose!”

“Ally! You’ll wake her up! But you’re right, we’re still trying to figure it all out. She was just doing what she thought was best for everyone, but hopefully she learned her lesson, and will think about her own wellbeing too next time.”

“I won’t let her forget, this time. I’m going to be on her back so much, that she’ll probably want to punch me by the end of the tour, but I’m not letting her out of my sight this time.”

“I doubt that she’ll mind that…”

“Ally!!”

“What? I’m not blind, Camila looks at her as if she hanged the moon! I know how much she missed you while you guys weren’t talking. Friendships like that don’t happen everyday.”

A long and uncomfortable silence followed that statement…

“…Thanks Ally.”

Just a few minutes later, thankfully they were back at the hotel.

“Time to wake up, Camzi…We’re back!”

“Nooo…”

“Yes, come on! We can get your package, and then we can nap for a bit.”

They were the last ones coming out of the car, so Lauren hooked her index finger with Camila’s and walked them to the lobby. It was empty so they quickly were able to retrieve the box and take the elevator.

“Can I open it, now?”

“In the room, baby.”

“What is it?”

“You’ll know once we’ll be in the room, antsy-pants!”

“Can it break?”

“No.”

Camila then started rattling the box to try to figure out what was inside.

“We’re here, come on, just wait 30 seconds!”

Camila literally ran to their door, only to realize she didn’t have the key. Her past exhaustion clearly washed away by the excitement.

“No running in the corridor, come on, get in.”

Though Lauren was having fun watching Camila be so lively, she was still about nervous. She hoped that Camila would like it. She had woken up barely half an hour after they had fallen asleep last night, and had decided to browse the web a bit to find a solution to the paci problem. It had taken her some time, but thankfully when she finally found it, she could still get a premium delivery for today.

“Can I open it, now?”

“Have at it, baby!”

Camila teared through it like a kid on Christmas day! She didn’t know what to expect, but necklaces were not it. She started examining them closer, one was shaped like a pink rose, and was really cute, while the other was a lilac mushroom. The pendants looked like they were made of silicone, and were pretty big, while the necklaces were made of a soft black cord. In the box there was also a little bag shaped like a watermelon slice, a sort of beaded lanyard and a ring with little planets on it.

“Oh! The ring is mine, actually!”

Brought back to reality by the sound of Lauren’s voice, Camila made her way to her, and plopped down on her lap on the couch.

“What is it?”

“What does it look like?”

“Lo! They’re necklaces, but they’re different, why?”

“Look at that smart cookie!”

Now that it was time to explain, Lauren felt a bit more hesitant and intimidated, but she refused to let it show.”

“Let me clean them first, and I’ll show you.”

She grabbed the different items and went to the bathroom, Camila following her along like her own shadow. She took out the pendants and beads, and cleaned them out, dried them, and pulled them back on.

“Can you tell me now?”

“Alright, you’ve been very patient baby, I’m proud. Do you know what stim toys are?”

“Isn’t that like toys for autistic people?”

“Well, not just autistic, but yeah, basically. I was thinking yesterday night about our little problem, I can’t have you chew your thumb off, and I can’t always lend you mine! But those, are chewing toys made for adults. Want to try?”

At Camila’s little curious nod, Lauren put the rose one on, and watched her try it out. It was different, but Camila liked it. That way, her thumb wasn’t getting wet, and both her hands were free.

“Okay, so that’s the rose, what is great with this one is that you can have it on pretty much whenever you want! Then there’s the beads, I was thinking, maybe we could fasten your paci to it once we’ll have it, so you won’t lose it at night, what do you think?”

Camila gave her another small nod, feeling very small talking about her paci and nibbling on her necklace. It also awakened her yearning for her paci again…

“Don’t give me those puppy eyes, baby! The best has yet to come! Now we have the mushroom, could you open your mouth for me, baby?”

Camila was confused but obeyed again. Lauren placed the stem of it in her mouth, and when she closed her mouth around it, she suddenly got it. It felt just like a paci! Well not exactly like one, but that was the closest thing to it she’d had since she was 8! Camila jumper to her neck, engulfing her in a huge hug.

“You like it, baby?”

“Yeth!”

“Maybe you should take it out of your mouth when you want to talk.”

“No-oooh!”

“Okay, maybe a little nap, then.”

“Can we watch Nala?”

Lauren could see how her eyes were already drooping, so she grabbed the remotes, and moved them to the bed. She let Camila settle against her side as she put the movie back on, and covered them both with the fluffy blanket. They both got comfortable, Nala resting on Lauren’s stomach as Camila was fiddling with her ears. Lauren then remembered that she had put on her silver spinner ring, she had wanted one for a while, and this is order was the perfect occasion to finally get one. She gave it a spin just to see if it worked as well as she had hoped, and it did. She instantly felt Camila’s eyes move to her hand, and couldn’t hold back a little fond smile.

“Do you want to try it, baby?”

Camila nodded, her mouth still occupied by the mushroom that was moving up and down as she sucked on it. Tentatively, the little girl pushed the spinner with her index finger, smiling gleefully as the stars and little planets started to go round. She then grabbed Lauren’s index finger and pulled both their hands on Nala. Her hand fisted loosely around the finger, she used her thumb to make the ring spin as she focused back on the TV just as an adult Nala was chasing Timon and Pumbaa.

After such an emotional morning, she couldn’t have wished for a better way to let it come to an end. Surrounded by a cocoon of comfort, and feeling soothed to the core, she let herself drift away.

Lauren took another picture, she wanted those moments engraved in her mind. Her face relaxed, the mushroom still moving along with her suckling, and the slightest hint of her tongue peeking out under it, Camila was the most beautiful sight she had ever seen. Her warm little body was pressed against her, her finger still fisted around hers, her thumb now immobile, Lauren just wanted to live in this moment again and again until the end of time. Instead, her eyes closed too, the deep breaths of Camila lulling her to sleep.

Chapter Text

Lauren woke up to the sound of whimpers. It had first materialized in her dream, her little dachshund turning into a sort of giant Cerberus running after her, and Camila whimpering instead of playfully rolling on his back. The sudden shift in her dream had brought her back to her senses, she had then realize the lack of weight on top of her or heat beside her. It was with a frown that Lauren opened back her eyes, only to be met with the sight of Camila huddled up against the headboard of the bed. Her face was hidden against her knees, but from the muffled sound she could hear and the slight shaking of her shoulders, it was clear that Camila was really upset.

“Baby, come here, love.”

It seemed to only make her cry harder and curl up even tighter on herself. As Lauren sat up, she felt the mushroom necklace by her side and grabbed it. She pulled herself close to Camila, and gently pulled her on her lap even as she was slightly protesting.

“Shh, babygirl, what’s wrong? Did you have a bad dream?”

She didn’t answer, just pressed her face against Lauren’s chest. Lauren wanted to understand what was happening, but knew that she needed to calm her down first. Her breath was short and way too fast, and she could feel Camila’s pulse racing under the hand cradling her face. She pulled her even closer to her body, gently rocking them, and murmuring sweet reassurances.

Camila was battling with herself. A part of her just wanted to cuddle into Lauren, forget about her nightmare, and just let her make her feel better, but she was still far too troubled by her dream. It had felt all too real, too plausible. It could ruin them. She could ruin them.

“Alright, how about you take back your paci, baby?”

Lauren didn’t know what else to do. Clearly, her baby was devastated, but she still had no idea what had triggered such a reaction. What she had not expected was for Camila to push the necklace away from her mouth, refusing to take it, which only made her cry harder than she was before.

“Camzi, what’s going on? Do you want your bottle, baby? Do you think it would help?”

This only made her cry even more and try to fidget out of her grip. Comforting her wasn’t helping, so she had to find another solution. Without a word, she got up and grabbed Camila, Nala, her blanket and the mushroom, and walked to the chair in the corner.

“Listen to me, baby. You’re not punished, but I need you to calm down. I want you to calm down enough to come and tell me what happened, alright? I’ll be right there, you can call me whenever you need me, understood?”

Camila just kept wriggling on her seat like a distressed worm, refusing to look at or answer to Lauren. The latter decided to be patient with her, on the back of her mind she couldn’t forget that it was all new to the small girl, and that it might still be very overwhelming for her. She just put three kisses on Camila, and got up to clean stuff around the room.

Camila felt bad, and angry, and sad, and small, and just…so overwhelmed by everything! The images kept flashing in her mind. What would people say? What would happen to them if anything ever filtered? It could be anything, a picture, some audio, those days nowhere was really safe! She couldn’t imagine ever talking about this to her own parents, how was she going to deal if the whole world knew? Worst of all was the knowledge that she desperately wanted it. Even now, with all this, holding off from reaching for Nala and rushing into Lauren’s arms was physically painful. The pull was so strong to just let go and not question anything… But she couldn’t! And here they were! Just taunting her on her lap! Before she could even think about it, she was throwing the necklace across the room, blinded by rage and anguish! Just as she was grabbing Nala to do it again, she heard Lauren.

“Karla Camila Cabello Estrabao! You better not do what I think you’re about to do!”

Still fueled by anger, Camila threw Nala on the floor, soon followed by her blanket and even the armchair’s cushion.

“Alright, that’s it! I thought maybe we could calmly talk about it, but clearly you’re asking for it. Go to the corner! …Camila, don’t make me repeat myself, I promise you’re in enough trouble as it is.”

“I'm sorry, nooo!”

You should have thought about it before, little one. Corner, now!”

“Looo!”

Lauren didn't waste any more time, and just pulled her on her hip and walked them to the corner. When Lauren tried to put her back on her feet, Camila refused to let go of her, her arms firmly holding onto her neck.

“Camila, stop it. Be a good girl, and go to the corner!”

“I'm sorry, Lo! Please no! I'm sorry!”

“Camila…”

“Just…one minute, Lo. Please…”

“…Do you need to use your colors, babygirl?”

“No! I just…I can't calm down.”

“Yeah, I noticed! Can you tell me why my baby is being so fussy, and throwing fits?”

Lauren sat right there on the floor, Camila on her lap. Camila finally let herself melt against her, taking a second to slow down her tears and breath.

“…I had a bad dream…”

“What was it about?”

“The radio guy…he knew about us…like the little stuff…”

“Baby…he doesn't, nobody does, but us! Nobody has to know but us.”

“But they always end up knowing things we don't want them to know!”

“…do you want to stop, Camz? You know we can stop whenever if you don't feel comfortable…”

Those words just made her start crying again. No. No, she didn't even think she could stop at this point. For the first time in a very long time she felt good. She didn't think she could admit it out loud, though. Instead, she just pulled herself closer to Lauren. She just wished she could disappear against her, hide in her warmth forever, without having to worry about the outside world.

“Baby, I need you to use your words.”

Her voice was soft and calm in her ear, her hands warm against her back, gently coaxing the truth out of her.

“...No…I'm scared, Lo.”

“Scared that people will find out?”

“…Scared of how much I want it…”

Lauren closed her eyes in relief. She had genuinely been worried for a second that Camila had forced herself to please her.

“Nothing is wrong with wanting this.”

“…but it's not…normal? I shouldn't need this.”

“Normal doesn't exist, Love. Life is hard enough, you're not hurting anyone, nor yourself. If it helps you, it's all that matters.”

“But what would people say?”

“They’ll say what they want, and then someone else will do something and they'll say something about that instead. Baby, you can't put that much pressure on yourself!”

“But it's not just us, there's Ally, and Mani, and Dinah, and all our team!”

“And they need you to worry about yourself for now. If that helps you, then it's good enough for them.”

“It could ruin everything!”

“Baby, nobody would blink an eye seeing a cute girl like you sleeping with stuffies. And for the pacifier, I'm sure they'll think you're taking drugs before ever thinking of ageplay, baby. You're a star, nobody will be shocked by a few eccentricities. And that’s if they ever hear about it!”

Camila felt better already, her heart wasn't racing anymore, the knots in her stomach were loosening, and her chest felt less constricted.

“…so it's okay?”

“Of course, baby! As long as you want to keep exploring this, know that I'll be right there with you.”

Camila finally let herself slip completely, latching onto Lauren's thumb when it passed by her mouth.

“…you're not off the hook, though, baby. You were warned in the car, you have to take good care of your stuff. Do you understand, love?”

“Not my butt!”

Her face turned red, and she clasped her hand in front of her mouth. Camila hadn’t really planned on answering that way. Truly she felt ashamed of her behavior, and knew she deserved a punishment. Lauren was always really patient with her, and even with all her small misconducts, she never took advantage of it, even with their bet still going on. But her butt was still hurting pretty bad from her fall in the tub! She didn’t think she could take a spanking over it, especially with their dance rehearsal in a few hours. Lauren raised an eyebrow, not able to suppress a little laugh at her reaction.

“I don’t intend on damaging the Booty any more than it is right now. I’m giving it some rest, but I know other ways to make sure you’ll think twice before throwing a fit.”

“…Will it hurt?”

Camila’s eyes were apprehensive. She trusted Lauren, but she didn’t really know much about that world, and some stuff she had seen on Tumblr looked a bit scary.

“Baby, no! Punishment doesn’t mean I will hurt you. Anything more than a barehanded spanking, I would discuss it with you beforehand, okay? Punishments are here to give you a lesson, to set a reminder in your head to mind me, and I’m sure what I have in mind will work wonders! Go in the corner, and I’ll come get you to start your punishment.”

Lines. 50 lines for the 5 things she threw on the floor today. Camila hated each and every second of it! She hated her own handwriting, and always thought writing was an annoying task. Sure, she made the effort for her fans, and would never refuse to sign something, but she avoided it as much as possible in her day-to-day life.

“Why can’t I just type it?”

“Camila, complain again and you will get a spanking. Watch your attitude little one, or you’ll get in trouble.”

“Sorry…But I hate writing!”

“That’s the point, you’re not supposed to enjoy your punishment. Maybe next time you’ll think twice before throwing stuff around.”

“…Can I have the mushroom?”

“No. Nor any of the things you threw. Not until you’re done.”

If Lauren had taken the perplexus away for the day, she knew she couldn’t just take the others away from her. Her baby relied heavily on them to soothe herself, but right now it was punishment time, so she would receive no comfort. To make it a bit harder, Lauren had also decided that she would do her lines standing up, the position wasn’t comfortable, just enough to make sure Camila would remember this moment.

Camila was only halfway through, starting on her second page of “I will not throw things, and I will take good care of what’s mine.” Her wrist was starting to hurt. Okay, that was maybe a slight exaggeration, but she just wanted it to be over already! She was getting restless standing up like that over the desk, her back to Lauren who was reading a book she had been waiting to read herself. She just wanted to go and curl up by her side with Nala and her paci, and for all of this to be over! Tears were now blurring her vision, making her even angrier at herself, such a cry baby! Why did she have to be so bad! If her behind hadn’t been so achy she would probably have let herself fall on her butt there and then.

“If I were you I wouldn’t even think of throwing that tantrum, baby.”

Lauren had been paying close attention to Camila. Clearly, she was getting more and more restless, when she started to stomp her little feet, Lauren decided to intervene before things went south again. She walked behind her and as she was warning her, she started to unbutton Camila’s pants.

“I’m going to put some more cream on your bruises. Hopefully, it will make the rehearsals less painful, and maybe having your pants around your ankles will make you stop stomping…”

Camila couldn’t help, but press back against Lauren front when she felt her behind her. She was crying…again! Her head was starting to pound with all her tears and emotions, she needed Lauren. The latter couldn’t help but soften a bit at her crying baby trying to get in her arms.

“I know, baby, you want cuddles, but we can’t do that yet. Do your lines, show me what a good girl you can be, and then we’ll cuddle until it’s time to go.”

“I didn’t mean to be bad, Lo…”

“I know, you’re my good baby girl, but next time you’ll know better than to bottle up all the bad feelings inside. Next time you have a bad dream, or something is bothering you, I need you to come to me. I’ll always listen, and try to help you, but I can’t do that if you don’t let me.”

“…But I’ll be too needy…”

“Never, love. Do you like it when I help you? When I try to work out an issue with you?”

“…Yeah.”

“Well I love it too, okay? You might need me, but I need you to need me, do you understand? That’s what helps me.”

“But what if one day I bother you? You don’t have words and stuff like I do…”

“Would it help if I had safe words, too?”

“…I don’t know.”

“How about if it ever gets too much I ask you for some alone time?”

“…Okay.”

“But don’t hold your breath, I don’t actually think you’ll ever hear me say it.”

Camila felt herself calm down. Still pressed against Lauren’s comforting heat, the pad of her thumb went back up to her mouth, before being stopped by Lauren’s hand.

“No baby, finish your lines first. I’ll go get the cream.”

Camila felt better knowing that Lauren would stay close to her, and applied herself to finish her punishment.

Lauren applied the cream with care, taking her time to have it penetrate the skin faster. She knew that her presence was soothing to Camila, and time with the Booty was always a good time, no matter the reason.

“I’m done, Lo!”

“That’s my good girl, show me.”

Camila felt intimidated for some reason as she was handing back the pieces of papers. She was holding down the front of her shirt to hide herself, her teeth worrying the pad of her thumb nervously as she watched Lauren check her work.

“Good job, baby!”

The second she saw the smile appear on Lauren’s face, she let herself plop down on her lap.

“You did good, baby. It’s all forgiven now, but know that if you do it again the punishment will be worse, okay?”

Camila nodded against her, still feeling sheepish for what she had done.

“And I also want to change a rule. I know I said no lying, but I want to add no hiding things from me. If you have a problem, I want you to come to me, no matter what it is, and even if you think it’s stupid. You see what happens when you keep it inside? You blow up, and you make bad choices.”

“…Like Stitch?”

Lauren smiled a bit at that, Camila definitely was deep in little space.

“Yes, baby, a bit like Stich, but thankfully you’re not an alien capable of destroying a whole planet!”

“Can I have Nala and paci, now?”

“Yes, baby. Come on, let's pull up your pants, first.”

“Not the pants, just the undies, please!”

“My baby doesn't like pants, does she?”

“…No. They're annoying, Lo!”

Lauren just smiled up at her and helped her get up, and pulled up her panties for her.

“Let's go!”

Lauren just grabbed her under her armpits which made her squeal.

“Loooo!”

“Do you want me to put you down?”

“…no! But you scared me!”

“Sorry, do you forgive me?”

Camila just rubbed her eyes and nodded, feeling shy.

“Give me a kiss!”

Lauren exaggeratedly pursed her lips, her eyes closed. Camila blushed, but tentatively put three smooches on her lips.

“Hmm I love you kisses? Now you're spoiling me!”

Camila ducked her head at that, her face feeling like it was on fire.

“What's wrong, baby?”

“…I didn't know you knew…”

“About what?”

“The I love you kisses…”

“Of course I knew, you told me about them once a while ago.”

“That was like back during boot camp!”

With a smirk, Lauren tapped her own temple.

“I stored everything you said up there. I remember it all.”

Lauren then pecked her three times too. Camila nestled against her again, letting Lauren walk them to the couch and sat down, Camila still in her arms.

“Open for me, baby. See? Good girls get their paci, so no more tantrums. If something is wrong, you talk about it with me like a big girl, okay?”

Camila nodded energetically, eyes on the mushroom, and lips already parted. Lauren smiled, finding her baby adorable. As she put the stem of the mushroom in her mouth, she put little kisses on her cheek, loving how close she felt to her, feeling the movements of her mouth as she was suckling. They nuzzled close, both relieved to finally be back in the embrace of the other, taking in the moment.

“Lo?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Can you read to me?”

Camila grabbed the book Lauren had been reading while she was doing her lines, and gave her puppy eyes.

“Sure, let's get comfy first, though.”

Lauren put Nala in Camila arms, and covered them both with her blanket. Camila grabbed Nala and kissed her, quietly saying “sorry” against her, which made Lauren coo at them. Camila nuzzled back against her, still straddling her, one of her hand now playing absentmindedly with one of Nala’s ear. With one last kiss against the side of her face, Lauren opened the book and started reading.

Two chapters later, Lauren finally put the book down.

“More, Lo!”

“No baby, we'll read more tonight if you want, but for now we have to get ready for the rehearsal.”

Camila let out a long sigh. She took their career very seriously, but right now she didn't feel like getting up and slipping out of the headspace.

“I know it's hard, baby.”

“It's okay. I just…”

“Don't feel very big right now, uh? How about you go pick up your clothes?”

With one last long hug, Camila got up and did as she was told. Turned out it was a great way to slip out of little space. The simple act of changing and coming back in the room to find her blanket and Nala neatly put on the bed, helped a lot. The fact that Lauren had yet to put on a top when she came back in might also have been a little push in the right direction. Leaning against the wall and biting her lip while her eyes roamed over Lauren’s front, she didn't notice that Lauren had spotted her.

“Well, well, well, it seems like my baby girl is feeling pretty grown up all of a sudden!”

Camila blushed as Lauren smirked, and put on a crop top. Of course. Hoping for a turtleneck might have been asking for too much, but a crop top? Really? How was she supposed to focus now?

“A crop top?”

Where was her mouth filter today?

“I could say the same about those booty shorts, cutie. Give me a kiss!”

That kiss was definitely different from the previous I love you kisses, this one much more passionate. When Lauren felt her girlfriend bite her bottom lip she couldn't help but moan, her hands grabbing her hips tighter. The action only spurred the smaller girl on, one of her hands finding its way in her hair, while the other took a possessive hold of her side. With a grunt she pulled her closer to her and forced her mouth open, making them both moan.

This time the interruption came from Lauren’s beloved planner app. She felt betrayed. The ringing was set to remind them that they had 10 minutes to join the car downstairs.

“Why does that keep happening to us?”

“We probably did something pretty awful in another life.”

They hadn’t disconnected completely from each other, their lips still brushing as they spoke.

“We’re going to be okay, right?”

“Yes, Camz. I’m gonna make sure it all goes as easily as it can, okay?”

“Pinky promise?”

“Pinky promise.”

Lauren even put a kiss on their linked pinkies.

“Do you also promise that you’ll turn to me if you need it?”

“I promise, love.”

Just as they were about to seal that with another kiss, her phone started ringing again.

“I swear if it’s Dinah, I’ll trip her up during rehearsal.”

“You won’t do no such things!”

“It’s Mani, she got lucky! Hey Mani, yeah we’re coming down, just a second!”

Camila just shook her head, amused by her antics. They quickly grabbed what they needed and made their way hand in hand to the lobby and into the waiting van.

Rehearsals were hard, but always fun. Sean was a great choreographer, and would always give them time to goof off for a bit when they started to get tired before making them focus again. The reason behind that was that he worked them to the ground most times. They had to be in shape, travelling around so much and with such a hectic schedule also meant that their lifestyle wasn’t the healthiest, so their body had to be able to endure more than their normal concert routine for them to be sure to hold on until the end of the tour.

They were currently laying down on the ground panting after their last exercise. Well most of them, Dinah was playing around doing cartwheels and Normani was talking about some dance move with Sean.

“Where do they even find the energy to stand?”

“I think I’m getting too old for all of this.”

“Ally, you’re only 4 years older than me.”

“Well, you’ll get it when you’ll be my age! Instead of mocking me, help me up, I’m thirsty.”

“Why do I have to do it?”

“’Cause you’re the youngest, tiny. Come on, go help your elders!”

“I’m not, Lauren! DJ is!”

“By 3 months, that doesn’t count, love.”

Ally and Lauren were laughing at Camila’s cute little pout, but she still did as she was told, letting herself fall back on the floor by Lauren after her good deed. Nobody was paying attention to them so she got a bit closer to her.

“I’m tired.”

“I know, baby.”

“And my wrist hurts.”

“Oh, does it? How come such a good girl would have an achy wrist? What on earth could have happened?”

“Lauuren! Don’t tease, it hurts!”

Lauren gently grabbed her wrist and put a kiss on it while looking at her in the eyes.

“There all better.”

“Oh my god, Lauren you can’t just use those emerald beams on me like that!”

She hid her face with her hands, feeling her cheeks warm up. Maybe not just her cheeks either. God, Lauren was literally laying down beside her in a crop top, her hair disheveled, and a very light sheen of sweat all over her. Her brain was nearly fuming at the possibilities, it was taking everything out of her to not just attack her then and there.

Lauren couldn’t hold back a smirk. She knew Camila found her attractive, she had felt her eyes on her far too many times to act surprised, but to hear Camila admit it out loud was definitely a confidence booster.

“Alright guys! We’ll stop here for today! Good job, you gave it all you had.”

As usual they all clapped, which marked the end of the class. With a mischievous grin, Lauren helped Camila up, and grabbed her wrist when she started walking toward the changing room. Once she was sure everybody was out, she swiveled her to have her face her, then grabbed her chin and kissed her.

They could both feel the thrill. They could get caught at any moment, by anyone, but still they kissed, their lips parting quickly, and their tongues engaging in a battle fueled by the adrenalin they felt. 

“uhm…Guys, sorry to interrupt, but the car will be here in ten minutes, you might want to wrap that up and go shower.”

Not having heard Normani come in, they both jumped back, their eyes and mouths wide opened like fish out of water.

“Don’t make that face, it’s not like it’s the first time I see you kiss?”

“WHAT? What do you mean?”

“Seriously? Do you guys even remember I was also at the pool?”

“But Beyoncé is having twins!! You were not supposed to focus on anything else!”

“Too bad, Mila, your genius plan failed.”

Normani non-impressed face and deadpan tone had Lauren guffawing. Soon, all three girls were laughing too, Lauren even crying a little bit.

“So are you guys official? When are you announcing it?”

“Oh…Uhm, we want to take things slow Mani. We don’t want to talk about it with everyone just yet.”

“Oh…okay. I’ll try to keep the secret, then. But you guys really have nothing to worry about.”

“Thanks Mani, we’ll be out in a second.”

Lauren waited until Normani was out again, to take Camila in her arms. It hadn’t gone unnoticed that Camila had felt uncomfortable at Normani’s slight insistence.

“We go at our own pace. If we’re not there yet, we don’t have to tell them. Mani didn’t mean to make you feel guilty, baby. She just wanted to let us know that it will be okay.”

“…But it’s not fair, you are ready.”

“If the roles were reversed would you pressure me into telling people?”

“No. Of course not!”

“Exactly. I have you, that’s a lot more than what I ever thought I could ever deserve. For all I care we can wait until we’re 80 and grey before telling them. As long as I have you by my side, I’m good. I’ll wait for you until the end of the world, baby.”

“God, can you stop being so romantic and perfect, I think I’ve cried enough for today.”

Lauren just laughed, and pulled the tearing up girl a bit closer to her.

“I’d wait for you too, you know that, right?”

“Of course, love.”

Once again reassured by Lauren’s words, Camila gave her three tender kisses on her lips, and grabbed her hand, leading them to the changing room.

A hasty shower, and a quick stop at chipotle later, they were back on their way to the hotel. Once there, they grabbed the food and their bags, and all made their way to Lauren and Camila’s room, deciding to eat all together before packing up to go back in the bus later tonight.

“I’m so full!”

“Dinah, you took extra everything in your burrito!”

“Hey! I worked extra hard during rehearsal, I had to get my strength back, Mani!”

“Suuure, as if you didn’t do that each and every time we go to chipotle.”

“Ally! Mani is being mean again!

“Children, would you just settle down!”

While the girls were bickering, Camila turned to Lauren.

“Lo…I don’t want it anymore.”

She held out her plate to her with pleading eyes. Lauren sighed with a worried look. She had barely eaten half of it.

“Can you manage a few more bites for me, love? Just a bit more, you really didn’t eat much, and like Dinah said, you need to get your strength back.”

“But I’m full!”

Her baby was exhausted, her heavy-lidded eyes were getting teary again, and her lips were quivering a bit. Lauren gently ran her hand over Camila’s forehead.

“Okay, how about we just put it back in the bag for now, and we try again later?”

“Can I just have my shake tonight?”

Those puppy eyes! Not being able to just pull her in her lap and cuddle her up was killing her.

“I’ll give you your shake tonight, but if you feel hungry before that you have to tell me, you know the rule.”

Camila sleepily nodded, letting her head fall on Lauren’s shoulder.

“OH MY GOD! You guys bought the boxes and you didn’t tell me?? Lauren got Camila kinetic sand!”

“I love kinetic sand!”

“I never tried it. Mila, do you mind if we try it?”

Talking about her toys felt like being propelled into the headspace. Camila looked at Lauren, asking for her permission.

“Have at it guys, but keep it on the coffee table, let’s not make a mess.”

Camila stayed by Lauren’s side, feeling shy to be feeling little around the girl.

“Do you want to go play, baby?”

Lauren had just whispered the words in her ear, her eyes set on the girls to make sure they weren’t paying attention to them. Camila just shrugged, the pad of her thumb already back on her mouth, watching, fascinated, the sand move around.

“Come on, I’ll go with you.”

Lauren got up and grabbed the hand Camila was currently nibbling on, and walked them to the table. Soon enough, Camila was being handed a piece of purple sand that she started rolling into a little ball. Lauren was watching over her like a hawk. It was a great opportunity to prove to Camila that it was okay, but for it to work, she needed the girls to be perfectly accepting. She trusted them, but sometimes people could have weird reactions. Thankfully, nobody bat an eye, everyone seemed to have the time of their life playing with the sand. Lauren finally relaxed, and Camila too. She even plopped down on Lauren’s lap a bit later with an excited “look, look!” as she proudly showed Lauren the little heart she had shaped with the sand, which earned her a kiss on the cheek. She didn’t move back after that, happily playing around and chatting with the girls until it was time to clean up and to go pack their bags again.

“I can do it myself, you know.”

“I’ve seen hurricane Camila pack her suitcase before, I think it’s time we try another technique, maybe this time you won’t need to buy a new suitcase because “it doesn’t fit it all in anymore!””

“That only happened like twice…”

Lauren stern eyes shut her up pretty fast. Instead she just stood there, not really knowing what to do.

“Do you think you could help me with something, baby?”

That had her perk up, excited at the idea of helping out.

“Do you think you could put all of your toys in your banana backpack, and bring me all your plushies?”

“Yes!”

“Thank you baby, you’re a great helper.”

She enthusiastically started packing everything up, but got distracted when she grabbed her perplexus. At first she just meant to put the ball at the starting point, but soon enough she was playing with it.

“Camila, what did I say about the perplexus?”

“Huh?”

“What did I say about the perplexus? Do I need to have you write some more lines before we get in the bus?”

Suddenly realizing what Lauren meant, she let the ball drop on her lap.

“I’m not supposed to play with it until tomorrow. I’m sorry Lo, I got distracted, please no more lines!”

“Put it in the bag right now. Next time I’ll have you write it out 20 times, understood?”

“Yes, Lo.”

She did as she was told right away, and quickly zipped up the bag. She then gathered her unicorn and dragon, and brought them to Lauren.

“Thank you baby.”

She put them on top of Camila’s stuff, and was about to close the suitcase when a little hand blocked the way.

“No! Lauren, you’ll crush them!”

Camila grabbed them back and pulled them against her chest, with a horrified look. Lauren thought it was absolutely adorable, and just wanted to smother her with love.

“You’re right, sorry guys, I’ll make some room for you.”

She then reorganized things around, until both plushies could be easily fit into the suitcase.

“There, give them to me. See? They fit just right!”

Camila still looked worried, she really wanted to just hold them to the bus.

“Can’t I just have them with me?”

“What about Nala, baby? You can’t hold that many plushies at once!”

“Yes, I can!”

“But what if one of them fall? We’ll have to wait until we can wash it. How about you give them a little hug, and then put them in there for a little nap?”

Camila worried her bottom lip for a bit, rubbing her feet as she thought about it.

“Okay…”

She gave them a big hug, and after a quick goodnight kiss, she put them back in there. Lauren even used one of her shirt to make them a makeshift blanket.

“Say ‘night night plushies’.”

“Night night…”

She was finally able to close it, and put it by her own bags. They were all set, and still had some time to spare, so Lauren grabbed Nala and Camila, and got comfy on the bed. Camila readily snuggled close, her lids drooping again as she was getting comfortable.

“Open baby.”

Lauren put the mushroom hanging around her baby’s neck back in her mouth.

“My baby’s so sleepy… You can rest a bit, love, it’s okay.”

Feeling Camila’s body relax against hers was exhilarating. If only she had known sooner that Camila just needed some comfort to fall asleep! Selfishly though, she was glad things had went that way. If not, things might have been different, and she couldn’t fathom something more perfect that what they had. Truly she needed this just as much as Camila did. With the way things had gone since X Factor, Lauren had felt like she had lost all control over her life: she was told where to go, what to sing, what to say, when to smile, how to move… Some days it felt like she was just a puppet of the entertainment industry, and it was an unbearable source of anxiety. She craved control, in any way she could regain it. Being able to care for Camila that way, to be allowed to make the decisions for once, was the best feeling on earth. It was the most precious gift ever given to her, and she hoped she would always cherish and appreciate it. For the first time in a long while, her brain wasn’t buzzing with negative thoughts, but only focused on the small girl by her side who had a hand fisted around her shirt and was softly suckling in her sleep. She felt content, and never let her eyes close as she adoringly kept an eye on her baby.

Chapter Text

“Shh, it’s okay baby, just go back to sleep. I’ve got you.”

“Lo?”

“Yes baby, we’re back on the bus, I’m just putting you to bed.”

“Nooo!”

“Shh, It’s okay…”

“With you!”

“Do you want to go in your bunk or mine?”

“Yours…”

“Alright, let’s get you to my bunk, then.”

“Hey Laur! Want some help with Camila?”

“No, I’ve got this, thanks DJ.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back, turns out I have Mani’s phone charger! …Wait, isn’t that your bunk?”

Lauren had already moved to her bunk with Camila in her arms. She hadn’t thought that it might seem weird to Dinah that they would share a bunk, which was stupid really. Those bunks were hardly big enough for one, let alone two, so even if sharing the king-sized bed in her room hadn’t shocked anyone, it should have been predictable that Dinah would find it strange.

“Oh… Uhm, she wants to sleep in my bunk. You know, worked well at the hotel, so I’d rather she have a good night of sleep.”

“…So you’re taking Mila’s bunk?”

“What? Oh! No, in my bunk, with her, she just sleeps better with someone by her side, it seems.”

“Oh! Alright! Well, I’ll be back later!”

She sounded just a bit too cheaper, but Lauren had other things to take care of to pay too much attention to her antics.

“Come on, baby, get under the covers. I’ll be right back.”

“Looo…”

“Two minutes, love. I’ll just go get your stuffies and fill your bottle.”

Lauren softly grinned, seeing her baby whine and grumble as she burrowed deeper in the covers. She made quick work of heating the unicorn and the dragon, and gave them to Camila who gladly pulled them close to her body; the bus hadn’t been heated for a few days now. She then started on the shake, she chose the chocolate flavored powder that way she could heat it up, that would probably pull her back to sleep right away. Before closing it back up, she grabbed the special treat she had gotten for Camila, and added a spoonful to the mix.

“How about making some space for me, baby?”

After readjusting their position a couple times, they were both set, and Lauren put the bottle at Camila’s mouth. The second she started drinking, she felt the difference, and she started suckling harder.

“Slow down, baby! Let’s not choke on it, alright?”

“But it’s so good! It tastes like banana! What is it?”

“I just added some nesquick Banana flavor, you like it?”

“I love it! Can you do it like this all the time?”

“Maybe not all the time, how about when my baby is being extra good?”

“Looo! No!”

“Those puppy eyes and that pout won’t help you. I’m not stupid, we’ll be living with Dinah, and I know how you two always get when living in close quarters, so if you want the yummy bottle, you just got to be good.”

Camila let out a long sigh, and started seeping on her bottle slower.

“Well, that’s a nice change of pace.”

“Well, I might as well savor it while I have it.”

It took everything out of Lauren to not burst out laughing at her dejected tone.

“I guess you really took a liking to writing lines in the end.”

“Ugh… No lines, Lo!”

“Oh don’t worry, if your wrists get too tired, I’m sure your bum will be able to take over without a problem.”

“Noo! I thought you liked my bum!”

“Oh, I do love the Booty dearly, and in any capacity: looking at it, touching it, kissing it, spanking it… It’s all good to me!”

“But it’s not my fault if we have a different way of defining “being bad”!”

“Oh, and what’s your definition of being bad then, little one?”

“…Well… When I forgot to put on my seatbelt or when I threw a tantrum that was bad.”

“So far we agree…”

“But the itty bitty shenanigans we do with DJ are not bad…It’s just… fun!”

“Yeah, locking you into a suitcase must have been so much fun!”

“That happened only once! Most of the time it’s just little things!”

“Like recreating the Circle of Life scene at 2 in the morning in Ally’s room?”

“Yes!! See? Just fun!”

“So waking up a fellow band member that needs sleep is fun, little girl? And that’s without mentioning that you two weren’t in bed either in the middle of the night, during one of the rare stop we get to rest properly!”

“Well…It’s still like 75% fun…”

“Sorry, we have a zero bad behavior tolerance policy going on.”

“…But what are we supposed to do, then? It gets so boring to be here! You guys seem to be dealing so well… I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but we’re basically always stuck in buses and rooms in-between performing! We may get like a little trip outside, but then again, with our lack of security those outings tend to be cut short all the time… I can’t even remember the last time I was able to peacefully walk around a park! You have to admit that freely going around like we did those past days is a rarity!”

Somehow it felt so good to be able to get that off her chest. She loved their fans, she knew she owed nearly everything to them, but the fact remained that some days it felt like she had sold her soul and life away to be part of this group… It was not the fans themselves, but being part of the entertainment industry was certainly a burden to bear. The pressure put on them was insane, sometimes she felt like she would just cave in. Each and every aspects of her life controlled and then commented upon. Her stupid pranks with Dinah felt like a little breath of air. The only form of rebellion they could afford at this point…

Just talking about it had made her teared up. Lauren knew how bad both girls were struggling. Truly, they all were; they just handled it a bit better, but the two youngest could literally be seen pacing like lions in cages some days.  

“You have toys and everything now, but if you do feel like that, I want you to come to me, alright? I’ll try to find you something to do that won’t have you end up in the corner. Okay?”

Camila just nodded. She wasn’t sure how effective that’d be, but she’d try to do it. Relying on someone turned out to be a harder than it seemed to her. Not talking about what was wrong was like a second nature by now, something close to muscle memory. She had to admit, though, that it felt great to be so open with someone who craved to know all her inner turmoil. She still had in mind Lauren’s words about needing her to need her, and she promised herself to do better.

“Alright, how about you finish your bottle, and go back to sleep, baby?”

“I’m not sleepy anymore, can I play instead?”

“We’ll see after you’ve finished your bottle.”

“But…”

“Uh-uh, no buts. Drink up.”

Before she could complain anymore, Lauren put the bottle back to her lips, and readjusted them again, so that Camila’s back was to her front. With her free hand she repositioned the warm stuffies on each side of Camila, and pulled the pink blanket over them. She could already feel Camila relax against her, and decided to start gently rub her tummy. She had seen Camila do it to herself many times before when she was relaxing. Camila closed her eyes at the feeling, infinitely soothed by the gentle petting. After a while, she even reached for her hand to pull it under her shirt, directly in contact with her skin.

“Such a kitten…You comfy, baby?”

“Huh-uh…”

She gently took the bottle out of her mouth once it was empty, an action followed by unhappy grunts that stopped the second she replaced the bottle by the mushroom.

“Shh… go to sleep, kitten. I’m right here.”

It didn’t take long for her breath to slow and for her body to completely relax. To say Lauren was proud was an understatement.

“Guys?”

The question was thankfully whispered by Dinah.

“I put her back to sleep.”

“Awesome, I’ll try to be quiet, then.”

“Thanks, DJ. Goodnight, girl.”

“Goodnight, Laur.”

In the quiet darkness of the bunk, Lauren suddenly felt drained. Holding Camila from their room to the bus had been no easy feat, but she hated the idea of waking her up when she was so deeply asleep. Next thing she knew, she was asleep too.

“NOOO!”

The scream woke Lauren with a jump, her body blocked by another one. Camila.

“Shh, wake up, baby. It’s just a bad dream, come on.”

Since talking didn’t turn out to be really effective, she pulled the girl to her, cradling her as best as she could, and rocked her after turning on the little light in the bunk.

“Come on, open those pretty eyes, love.”

“Lo?”

“Yeah, it’s over baby, it was just a dream.”

“I hate those.”

Camila was trying to calm her tears that were now reduced to sniffles and little hiccups. She knew Dinah was sleeping not too far from them, and she didn’t want to wake her up too.

“I know, love… Do you feel okay? Do you want some water?”

“Yes, please.”

Lauren quickly grabbed her own water bottle, and put it at her lips.

“Slow down, baby.”

She started to rub her tummy again, knowing that it would help soothe the frightened girl in her arms.

“What was your dream about, love?”

“I…”

Camila’s instinct was to say that she didn’t remember just like she always did. She didn’t want to talk about her nightmares, too afraid that it would freak her out into another one, but she knew she wasn’t allowed to lie to Lauren.

“Lo, I don’t want to talk about it…”

“Come on, love. It can only hurt you if you try to repress it. No more bottling bad things up, remember?”

“I don’t want to have more nightmares…”

“If we don’t know what they are about, we can’t make it better. The faster we know, the faster they’ll be gone, baby.”

“But it’s just random stuff!”

“Like what?”

Camila let out a sigh, burrowing once again against her in preparation.

“Well…Sometimes I’m in a room that keeps closing in on me more and more, there’s a door, but it’s locked and I keep screaming and banging on it, but nobody ever comes to open it… Or like I fall down this huge canyon, and I manage to grab a branch or something and I have to hold on to not fall off, and I scream, but there’s no one! And I can’t do nothing but hold on for however long I can, but it’s always useless, I always end up waking up when I let go…”

Her baby was tearing up again.

“Are they recurring dreams, baby?”

She only got a nod in answer.

“Is it always just those two?”

Camila just shook her head, her eyes tightly shut to try and suppress the images flashing through her mind.

“Tell me about the other, love.”

“…No…”

“Please, baby. You’re safe, I’m with you, and I’ll be with you every night. We can work on making it better, but you have to tell me about it.”

“…Sometimes…You see that statue in the ministry of magic in the deathly hallows part 1? With the humans being crushed under that huge rock? Sometimes I dream I’m under it, and it’s crushing me, and I can’t move, but there’s nothing I can do. I’m stuck. And… and sometimes it’s not me, sometimes it all of you guys. And I’m there, I try to push the rock, I try so hard! But it won’t move even an inch, and you’re all screaming and crying, and no matter how hard I try I can’t do anything! Some night you guys won’t even talk to me! I enter the bus, and everybody’s ignoring me, and then when I insist, you all get mad at me, and tell me awful things, and, and…”

She was a sobbing mess by now, but she kept on, surprised once again of how lighter she felt already being able to share her deepest fears.

“And sometimes I get in the bus, and we’re on top of a hill, and the bus just starts rolling down and away, and my mom’s outside, with Sofi and Dad, and you’re here too, and the girls, but I just keep getting farther and farther away, and there’s nothing I can do!”

“My poor baby, are those the recurring ones?”

Still in hysterics, Camila just nodded, trying to muffle her sobs against Lauren’s neck.

“Such a stressed out baby, we’ll work on it, okay? I’m here, I’m staying and I love you. It’s okay, love.”

Lauren hated that Camila was plagued with her anxiety and fears that way every night. It was all there, the pressure of their life, her fear of isolation and abandonment, of not being enough. She couldn’t even imagine the toll it took on her. But she was here, now. She would shoulder Camila’s burden with her, and make sure she was well taken care of. She cuddled her up until she was calm again. By then it was already close to 3am, they had to be up by 5 so it seemed reasonable to try to get some more hours of sleep, but she knew that Camila wouldn’t be thrilled, but she had an idea.

“Camzi, how about we read another chapter of the book?”

“Okay, but can we go on the couch?”

“Sure, just grab your blanket, love.”

 They quietly made their way to the front, trying their hardest not to wake up Dinah who could still be heard slightly snoring. They cuddled close so that they could both see the book, and covered themselves with the blanket, Nala resting on Lauren’s stomach as Camila kept her hand on it. Camila didn’t feel little, but she still liked having Nala close in those moments. She wasn’t duped by the trick, but she also knew that it probably wouldn’t work. Her brain and senses were far too in alert for her to go back to sleep, so she just snuggled close to her girlfriend, and enjoyed the moment and the fact that she could freely leave little kisses all over her neck as she read to her.

“Stop distracting me, Camz.”

“I’m not!”

“Yes, you are…”

Camila still didn’t relent. She never let it get heated, she knew it was still early so her goal was mainly to put Lauren back to sleep…and maybe also to finally ravish that porcelain column she had been fantasizing about for years. Her other hand went under Lauren’s shirt, though it burned to go higher, she stubbornly had it rub her stomach just like Lauren had done to her previously. She was even able to appreciate during the first couple seconds the feel of her soft abs contracting against her hand, surprised by the feeling. She basked in the taste and feeling of Lauren, falling more for her after each sleepy moan escaping her perfect lips.

When Lauren woke up again, it was to the feeling of soft and plump lips against her own that had her let out a long sleepy sigh mixed with a happy moan.

“Time to wake up, babe…”

“Hmm…No, I never want to wake up from that dream.”

She puckered up her lips and was granted another morning kiss.

“Come on, you have to get ready for the interview!”

“More.”

Her puckered lips turned into a smile hearing Camila’s giggles before feeling her lips peck her smile again and again. She blindly grabbed Camila, and pulled her down with her.

“Lauren! Come on, it’s already 5:10!”

“I feel it’s only fair to repay you for last night’s torture.”

She then launched her attack on her neck, softly kissing her around her pulsing point again and again.

“Aah… Lauren! I didn’t torture you, I helped you go back to sleep!”

“My body couldn’t take that much love at once. I think you just short-circuited my system.”

When Lauren finally pulled away and opened her eyes, she was greeted with the sight of a perfectly pampered Camila.

“Well, look at my pretty princess!”

“I’m the one who woke you up with a kiss, I think that makes me the knight in shining armor actually.”

“That’s a hot visual, too. I hope there wasn’t too many dragons on the way?”

“Oh no, I use Coyotte, works like a charm during heroic quests!”

They both started laughing at their stupid joke. Lauren went back for a few more kisses, completely addicted already, and knowing that she probably wouldn’t be able to touch Camila until lunch at the earliest.

“So I gather you didn’t go back to sleep, then, baby.”

“No. I love that you tried to help, but the dreams are just too…overstimulating? I don’t know… Back before the accident I actually sort of liked when I had them, because it gave me energy the whole day, and I tended to be drained enough at night to go to sleep at a decent hour.”

“You must have slept something like 5 hours…”

“Which is a lot compared to what my body is able to work with, trust me. I’m alright, I promise, and here, I even got you some coffee!”

Camila sent her million-dollar smile, which made Lauren drop the subject. She knew that Camila had gotten a lot of rest those past few days, she had even managed to get her to nap during the day, but she was still worried. Grabbing her coffee, she reasoned that if Camila was tired she could just have them nap this afternoon, it was fine.

“Hmm, thanks, love. It’s perfect.”

She gave her another kiss, getting a bit more adventurous now that she knew her morning breath was covered by the taste of coffee.

“Slow down, Snowy! You still only have half an hour before we have to go, so get movin’!”

For once it was Lauren who pouted and gave her puppy eyes.

“…If you finish early we can make-out until we have to go.”

That got her up in no time. She came back 20 minutes later in burgundy slack pants with a black turtleneck.

“A turtleneck? I mean you look smocking hot, but-”

 She stopped right there, because Lauren had pulled it down to show her the little hickey hiding there with a raised eyebrow.

“Care to explain to me how you managed to do that? Because I definitely didn’t feel that.”

“…I might have gotten a bit eager once you were asleep.”

“Molesting me in my sleep, I see…”

“I didn’t know you were asleep, yet!”

“Well, from now on it will be you job to cover it up, alright? I’d rather not find a picture of it in some gossip magazine!”

Her eyes were still looking at it. Sure, she felt a bit ashamed: it was pretty juvenile, and it wasn’t smart, especially when you were the one asking for time before telling others! Yet, she had to admit that deep down she felt a bit proud of her handy work…well, mouthy work? Seeing that little one there made her want to cover her whole neck. Marking her. Now was not the time to go all cavewoman on her girlfriend, so she shook herself out of it and nodded.

“…I guess we’ll have to work on making you feel sorry about it later, now come here, we have 7 minutes left!”

Not wasting a second, Lauren grabbed her and pulled her to her body until she was straddling her lap. Still turned on by the vision of her mark on her neck, Camila was quick to take the reins of the kiss, no matter how hard Lauren battled to take control of it. Camila was definitely a force to be reckoned with in love, and Lauren finally abdicated and let her lead, enjoying each nip and brush of their tongues. Her hands were deep into Lauren’s hair, softly scratching the back of her head and keeping her where she needed her, while Lauren’s, having minds of their own, were gently following Camila’s thighs from her knees up to Lauren’s own little piece of heaven on earth. Thankfully, Dinah had went to the other girls’ trailer to get ready, so nobody but Camila heard the low and sinful moan that escaped her when her hands finally grabbed the Booty. She pulled back from the kiss to take a breath, hiding against Camila’s neck.

“Goddamnit, if this is a dream, please don’t ever let me wake up!”

Camila knew her high-waisted jeans were doing wonders to her butt, but she hadn’t hoped for such a strong reaction. She had to admit that feeling Lauren palming and grabbing her like this felt really, really good, she even had a small moan escape her throat at a particularly pleasuring move.

“Please tell me time stopped, and we can stay like this forever…”

“GUYS! THE CAR WILL BE HERE IN FIVE MINUTES!”

“Why does she keep on doing this to me? I thought DJ, loved me!”

“WE’RE FINISHING, WE’LL BE RIGHT HERE!”

Lauren just groaned against her throat.

“Come on, you teenage boy, you’ll touch the butt later!”

Lauren thought Camila looked a tad bit too smug. Moving fast, she reversed their position so that she was straddling Camila this time. She caught her lips in another hungry kiss, and grabbed her hands in hers and had them slowly climb up her sides. The result was instant, Camila stopped responding to the kiss, her mouth falling open, and when Lauren leaned back to give her a better view, her eyes just followed her hands. Sensually, she had them go up, and up, until they were on either side of her breasts. Lauren could literally feel Camila’s fingers twitching. Just then she heard the minivan park beside the bus, and pulled their hands away.

“Come on, boy, time to go.”

After that she just got up, and checked her bag to make sure she had everything.

“Camila?”

The girl was still on the couch, eyes tightly shut, and it worried Lauren for a second.

“Baby?”

“Don’t you dare baby me right now, Lauren Jauregui! You can’t just do that to a girl without some warning!”

When she opened her eyes to face Lauren, her pupils were fully dilated, and she was giving her the hottest bedroom eyes Lauren had ever witness. She felt her lower parts pulse at the sight.

“Okay change of plan, sit with Dinah, I’ll sit in the front.”

“What, why?”

Camila’s heart missed a beat. She was so sure that she could see desire in Lauren’s eyes! Was she mad at her?

“’Cause we can’t risk jumping each other in the van, and I really wouldn’t trust myself right now.”

“…Okay, fair point… But you’ll sit with me during the interview, right?”

“Of course, baby. If you need me to, I’ll also sit with you in the van, and try to keep my hands to myself.”

“No, I think I need to cool down a bit too, but…Yeah, I want you by my side for the interview.”

“I’ll be by your side for the rest of your life if you’ll have me, love. Come on, I can only use my Cuban time excuse so many times!”

God! One day, Camila was sure she would just melt into a puddle because of Lauren. Still stunned by her words, she just grabbed her offered hand, and followed her outside. The drive was rather quiet, the girls being exhausted of having to wake up so early two days in a row. Lauren and Camila had behaved for the most part, at least until Lauren had started applying her burgundy lipstick. Camila could see her reflection in the little mirror Lauren was using. She was listening to Dinah, but had soon been distracted by the mesmerizing sight of Lauren’s darkening lips.

“CA-MI-LA? Woo-hoo? Still with me?”

“What-? Yeah! Sorry, I was just…lost in thoughts for a bit! Sorry…”

She could see the reflection of Lauren’s smirk through the mirror, she even went as far as sending her a wink.

“Suuure…lost in “thoughts”…”

Thankfully, things went smoothly after that, and soon enough they were live. After the mandatory questions about their concerts, life on the road, and their progression from X factor to their first album, the host turned toward Camila.

“So Camila, we heard about your new little hobby…”

A rush of adrenalin started coursing through her veins. She turned pale all of a sudden, dread quickly hardening like cement in her stomach.

“I don’t know if a perplexus can be considered a hobby.”

Lauren’s words finally cut through the ringing in her ears. Of course, he meant the perplexus! Knowing that her face must have betrayed her panic, she decided to fake a laugh to lighten the situation.

“Oh my god! You had me worried for a second, I read some colorful rumors about me this morning, the kind I’d rather not have my dad hear about while going to work! By the way, hi, dad!”

It seemed to appease everyone, and Lauren even placed a calming hand on her thigh to reassure her. Instinctively, she started playing with her spinner ring, taking the time to calm down while all the girls went around doing some shout-outs.

“Alright, so is it true that you got a perplexus?”

“Yes!”

“Are you good at it?”

“I mean, I haven’t managed to finish mine, yet, but I really do enjoy it!”

“I thought we could do something funny, we usually to the Rapid Fire Fan Questions, but we thought that this time we could do that, but while all of you try to solve a mini perplexus! You guys will have one minute to answer the questions and try to goas far as possible in the perplexus, the one who’s furthest wins, alright?”

“Like a Perplexus Solving Rapid Fire Fan Questions? Don’t you think it’s a bit long?”

That made Lauren burst in giggles, while the other girls looked at her, clearly wondering where those thoughts could come from.

“hm… I guess, yeah! But let’s try this.”

They were each handed a mini perplexus and given time to put the ball at the starting point before it started. Camila felt herself become competitive from the start, she really wanted that mini perplexus. They had chosen fan questions addressed to all of them, and the girls had to answer them as fast as possible. Camila was ready!

“Favorite food?”

“Banana!”

“Favorite color?”

“Yellow!”

“Favorite song at the moment?”

“You are my sunshine!”

She blushed a bit at her admission. Once Lauren had fallen back asleep, it had come back to her mind, and she had listened to it all morning. It wasn’t as good as Lauren’s cover, but it still gave her butterflies. A smile bloomed on her fact when she felt Lauren’s hand subtlety touch her thigh.

“Favorite movie of all time?”

“The Lion King!”

“Ok, last one, guys! Favorite nickname?”

“Baby!”

The timer went off then, and Camila finally pulled her eyes away from the puzzle. She suddenly became aware of the raised eyebrows and smirks her fellow bandmates were giving her. They all had noticed the little nickname Lauren had for Camila, they also knew that she was the only one calling her that. She sheepishly turned to Lauren, but the girl just looked smug. That made her shake her head fondly.

“Alright, guys! Thanks for all those answer, now what number were you at?”

As the girls were answering, Camila’s excitement was growing. Ally was at 15, Mani at 17, DJ grumpily admitted being at 3 because she had gotten a bit too excited when mentioning her favorite song.

“Camila?

“25!”

“Oooh, seems like we might have a winner! Lauren?”

“28.”

Camila’s head turned so fast, it popped.

“What?”

“Yup!”

“No! Show me.”

Lauren put the little ball in her hand, and indeed, it was at 28. Camila felt her shoulders sag… She wanted the mini perplexus so bad!

“Alright! Plot twist everyone!! Lauren’s the winner! Did you hide some secret puzzle solving talents?”

“I had one as a kid, I was obsessed with it, and turns out I’m not that rusty! I bought Camila’s first one, and now apparently I’m also giving her her second one! Here’s for you Camz!”

 Camila, who one second ago was sulking on her chair, perked up as she was handed her new toy. Without thinking about it, she pulled Lauren in a big hug, and put a delicate kiss on her cheek.

“Thanks, Lauren!”

“You’re welcome.”

“Well, let’s finish on that happy note. Thank you so much for coming on the show today, and thank you to all our listeners, it was Fifth Harmony!!”

They quickly made their way out after that, greeting some fans waiting outside. After some pictures and hugs, it was time to get back in the minivan, and make their way back to the bus to have some time off before getting ready for the show tonight. Surprisingly, Camila fell asleep against Lauren’s shoulder in no time. Lauren took it as a good sign, her body was getting used again to get a good amount of sleep, and would use all the time it could get to rest. She let her eyes wander on Camila’s soft face, watching her sleep never got old… She was so head-over-heels for that girl, it was ridiculous! Just thinking back on her answers was making her grin.

“So…Baby, huh? Got something to tell us, Lauser?”

…Of course, Dinah had to interrupt! God, if she didn’t love the girl so much, she would hate her at that point! Taking a big breath, she turned toward the Polynesian girl, hoping for the best.

Chapter Text

“So…Baby, huh? Got something to tell us, Lauser?”

…Of course, Dinah had to interrupt! God, if she didn’t love the girl so much, she would hate her at that point! Taking a big breath, she turned toward the Polynesian girl, hoping for the best.

“Nope. Nothing to declare, DJ.”

“Comon, guuurl!! Tell Auntie DJ all the juicy stuff!”

“There’s nothing “juicy” to tell Dinah.”

“Oh, really?”

“Really.”

“I see…Well, I was thinking… Maybe I could sleep with Camila tonight?”

“Wha-?”

“…You know, since she sleeps better with someone by her side?”

Damnit! Dinah got her good on that one!

“Oh! Huh, thanks, but we’re good.”

“I don’t mind, I mean it shouldn’t always have to be you. Hey guys! What do you think of like making a schedule for Camila?”

“NO! No, we’re good, thanks, guys, but I’ve got this.”

“We don’t mind, Lauren!”

Dinah’s smile was predatory. She had her right where she wanted her.

“Well I do! So stop teasing me, and mind your own business. And don’t you dare try that with Camila!”

“…See, Lauser? That’s wasn’t so hard, now, was it?”

“I’m serious, Dinah.”

“I won’t bother her…”

“Thank you.

“…I might bother you, though!”

“DINAH!”

“Shh, Lo! Sleepy…”

Lauren’s face went from angry to concerned in 1 second flat.

“I’m sorry, baby. Go back to sleep.”

“*cough*whipped.”

“Don’t be mean to Lauren, CheeChee!”

“You don’t think she can take it?”

“She’ll crush you!”

“Will not!”

“Will too!”

“Will n-”

“Guys, stop it! Dinah, face forward, and Camila go back to sleep.”

“But!”

“No buts from either of you.”

Under Lauren’s scary demanding stare, both girls went back to their respective position.

“Lo?”

“Naptime, Camila.”

“But I’m not tired anymore!”

“Then just cuddle with me, I’m tired and there’s hundreds of pictures waiting to be signed once we’ll be back.”

Camila being the selfless little thing she was, cuddled back up against Lauren instantly. Soon enough, Lauren could see that Camila hadn’t lied, she really wasn’t tired anymore.

“You can play with your phone if you want, baby, or listen to some music…I could even sing it to you if you want…”

Lauren’s smile was a little smug. Camila turned red, the worst part was that she had no come back. She had been so focused on the game, that she hadn’t paid any attention to the other girls’ answers.

“Yeah…Maybe next time I should refuse rapid fire questions…”

“Hey! You didn’t say anything too bad, and I was ready to intervene if needed. I could see you were really engrossed in your game”

“How come you never told me you were that good?”

“I’m not even that good, babe! Chris was really into them for a while, so I played with his sometimes. He was good at it! He would have competition with his friends and stuff.”

“…Are you trying to tell me I suck at it, Lauren Michelle?”

Her outraged face made Lauren start to giggle, which just made her pout.

“No! You only have had it for a few days! I played with those for years! Sure, it was a while ago, but it’s all just muscle memory.”

“Right…”

“Oh come on! Don’t pout! You got the toy in the end, didn’t you?”

“I mean giving it to your gi-…your best friend, after basically robbing the victory from her seems like the least you could do.”

Camila looked like a deer caught in headlights. She had caught herself right in time, but she really had to be more careful. Had Dinah heard her, the secret would be out. Lauren’s hands softly came to cover her own, tracing soothing patterns on it.

“I didn’t rob it, I won fair and square!”

“YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU KNEW HOW TO PLAY!”

She knew answering that would make her react, but she hadn’t expected such a strong one. She couldn’t help a smile at seeing the younger girl so passionate.

“I never said the contrary either! I knew the game, didn’t I? I chose it in the store.”

“STILL! You could have let me win!”

“But then I wouldn’t have been able to win it for you…”

The words, said lowly to her ear, made Camila calm down. A little blush was blooming on her face, she couldn’t hold Lauren’s intense look, letting her eyes fall to their still joined hands instead. Damn it, she was good! Camila couldn’t refrain a smile and the butterflies fluttering in her stomach. She shook her head at how smooth her girlfriend was.

“Am I forgiven yet?”

“…Yeah…But next time wait until we’re at a fair or something to try to impress me, you idiot…As if you needed to!”

“Deal. I’ll even get you churros.”

“You sure know how to impress a girl!”

Lauren had already closed her eyes, a contented smile on her face. Camila moved a bit closer so Lauren could be more comfortable, and took out her phone. Their reflection on the dark screen had her smile. The past few days had been a whirlwind, but seeing Lauren cuddled against her, the mark she left on her throat peeking out of her turtle neck, she finally realized that that gorgeous woman against her was hers. She knew she was Lauren’s, body and soul, she had given herself to her, but she was now coming to terms with the fact that Lauren was hers just as much. Checking to see that nobody was paying attention to them, she opened her camera app, and took a picture to commit this moment to memory forever. It came out looking perfect. She hesitated for a second before using it as her background picture. Normani knew, Dinah was suspicious, and Ally would just think it’s a cute picture. It was maybe a small step, but it was one in the right direction.

As usual, the second they stepped back in their bus, the craziness of show days started again: pictures to sign for M&G, outfits to try on, last minute changes on the set, rehearsals. Once all of that done, the long-awaited dinner-break was finally upon them!

“I’m starving!”

“Yeah, same!”

As all the girls were agreeing, the only sound coming from Camila was the “hangry” growls of her stomach.

“Wow! Sounds like your stomach is getting impatient, Camzi!”

Camila knew she had to answer something, but she just couldn’t. She wasn’t feeling good. She was started to feel lightheaded, there were spots in front of her eyes, and she was feeling hot, so hot!

“Camila?... Camila tell me if you’re okay.”

Lauren’s tone pierced through the fogginess of her brain, and she was able to utter a small “no…” Lauren didn’t lose a second, she grabbed Camila, and pulled her in her arms, and gave indications to each girl to go fetch some sugar, water and food.

“Let’s sit down, alright, baby?”

“…I don’t feel good…”

“I know, but it’s okay, I’m gonna take care of you.”

“…I want paci, Lo.”

“Shh…It’s okay, Love. I’ll give it to you in the bus, alright?”

Camila was so scared. She didn’t want to faint, she didn’t even know why she was feeling so bad all of a sudden! Everything was spinning and too hot, but she didn’t want to detach herself from Lauren. She was her anchor, and she needed her close. She would be fine as long as she was with Lauren.

“I’ve got the sugar!”

“Awesome! Thanks Mani! Come on, baby open your mouth. There you go, you’ll feel better in no time, love.”

“I found a bottle of water! is she still alive?”

“Shut up, Cheech…”

“She’s alive!”

When Lauren tried to pass her the cold bottle, Camila just put her forehead against it.

“Do you feel better?”

“Just too hot…”

Lovingly, Lauren pressed the bottle to her cheeks and neck, trying to cool her down. When Ally came back with a plate filled with spaghetti, Lauren took it, and started feeding her after thanking her.

“I can do that…”

“So can I, open.”

“Loo-oh!”

“Camila, second time: open.”

“Come on, Chancho, you have an hour and a half to be back in shape!”

She pouted, but did as she was told. She loved being fed by Lauren, especially with how weak she was feeling, but the fact that she could feel the girls watching her was making her uncomfortable. It might have looked more or less innocent to them, but she knew better, and having Lauren coax her into the headspace wasn’t helping as she was already fighting it off.

“Come on, eat, and then we’ll go relax in the bus for a bit, okay baby?”

“You guys can skip the M&G if you want. People will understand.”

“No! People will freak out, they’re all so worried already!”

“If you feel better, we’ll go. If not, we’ll stay for a bit more. People will still see you at soundcheck and the concert.”

“I already feel better!”

“You were seconds away from fainting, “better” doesn’t mean that you’re good to go, now open your mouth instead of arguing.”

She pouted, but let Lauren feed her the pasta.

“I’m full, Lauren.”

“You only eat half the plate, baby…”

Camila could see how worried Lauren was. They had insisted that the girls go eat, so it was just the two of them in the room for now.

“There’s too much, Lo! I’m good, I promise! But it’s your turn now!”

Without missing a beat, she took the plate and the fork from Lauren’s hands, and did some stupid airplane noises so she would open her mouth.

“Really, Camila?”

“What? It’s a classic!”

“Hand me back the plate.”

“Nope. You fed me, I feed you.”

“That’s because I’m the mama.”

Lauren’s eyes widened once she realized what she had said. She hadn’t mentioned that word since their first talk. Things had been going well, and as much as she wanted nothing more, but to hear her baby girl call her mama, she didn’t want to rush her into it.

Camila couldn’t explain the rush that those words gave her, it was like big girl Camila kryptonite. She hadn’t dared use the name yet. It was constantly on her mind, and had nearly escaped her lips a couple times when she was feeling the littlest, but she had always held it back. If at first it had seemed a bit weird to her, each moment spent in the headspace helped her understand it better. Lauren was her mama, she loved her and took care of her like nobody else could. When she finally looked back up at Lauren, she could see her apprehension, clearly she hadn’t meant to say that, and was now afraid to see what would be her reaction.

“But I want to feed you, mama!”

Uttering the word felt so good, and seeing happiness bloom on Lauren’s face only made it better.

“…Alright baby, but don’t put tomato sauce on mama’s outfit, okay?”

Camila excitedly nodded. She paid close attention to what she was doing, and even used a napkin to remove all the sauce on Lauren’s chin once she was done.

“Good job, baby! Thank you!”

Lauren felt like she would burst with happiness any second now, or maybe implode, or erupt, she didn’t really know, the one thing she did know was that the little girl in her lap was the reason for it, so she pulled her closer and peppered her face with kisses. She couldn’t get enough of her little giggles. She kept it up a bit longer, tickling her a little just to hear her shriek.

“Mamaaa! Ah! Stop!”

That finally made her stop and just cuddle her baby a bit closer to her.

“Say it again, love.”

“…Mama…”

“God, I love you so much, baby.”

“Love you too, mama…”

They were grinning like fools, content in their little bubble.

“Hey guys, you should take that back to the bus, the team is about to come back, and DJ and Ally are on their way back from starbucks!”

“Thanks for the heads-up Mani! We’ll see you later.”

“At the Meet and Greet!”

“Or later.”

“At the Meet and Greet.”

“Camila…”

“I’m fine!”

“Yeah, cause you’re such a great judge of that.”

“It happened dozens of time before! I ate, I’ll be fine now!”

Okay, maybe that wasn’t the smart thing to say… Lauren and Normani looked pretty pissed.

“…Let’s pretend I didn’t mention that!”

“Karla Camila, are you telling me that you nearly fainted from hypoglycemia before, but never told anyone??”

“Well…I mean I told the doctor after the accident!”

“Mila!”

“It’s fine! I’d just keep some sugar cubes in my pocket, and honestly it only happened to me like once on stage!”

“ON STAGE?”

“Maybe I should just shut my mouth…”

“CAMILA! This is crazy! You HAVE to tell us when things like that happen!”

“But nothing happened! I’d feel faint, eat some sugar and be good again!”

“Sure! It’s not like you fainted on a sidewalk or anything!”

Camila was going to add something, but reconsidered after looking at both girls. They were pissed, both sternly staring down at her with a raised eyebrow, daring her to answer. Camila wasn’t in the right mindset to handle this, and soon enough she could feel herself tear up.

“…I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys, but I won’t do it again, I promise. Please don’t be mad?”

That made Lauren and Normani soften right away. It was upsetting to know that Camila had been going through all that before, but the past couldn’t be changed. They could only try and make sure that it would never happen again. Lauren gently grabbed Camila’s chin, her other hand softly brushing away her tears.

“I want you to promise us that it won’t happen again, baby. Because you didn’t say anything this time either, I had to ask you, and that’s not okay. If you start feeling sick I want you to tell one of us straight away, understood?”

 Camila just nodded, her eyes set on Lauren’s neck instead of her eyes. She knew she deserved to be chastised, but it didn’t make it any easier, especially with Normani in the room.

“Use your words, little one.”

“…I understand, mama.”

“Good girl, give me a kiss.”

It was always a relief to be given permission to give Lauren affection after something like that, so she eagerly put three smooches on Lauren’s mouth, before hiding against her neck.

“Aww…Okay, the “mama” thing will take some time to get used to, but you guys are so cute!”

“Mani…”

“Right! I’ll let you guys go! And Mila, you better mind your mama, and if you don’t, I’ll rat you out, girl! We love you cutie, and we need you to stay healthy.”

“I love you too...”

After that Lauren brought them back to the bus. While Lauren went to the bathroom, Camila grabbed her blanket, Nala and her new tiny perplexus before putting her mushroom back in her mouth.

“No, baby, it’s naptime. Let’s put back to perplexus in the bag, okay?”

“I’m not tired, mama!”

“Then just close your eyes and relax for a bit in bed, you need some rest.

“No!”

“Camila, you were feeling very weak just a few minutes ago, and we still have M&G, soundcheck and the show tonight. You won’t make it.”

“I did it all the time!!”

“Either you go to our bunk right now, or you’ll go to the corner first, and we’ll miss M&G.”

“UGH!”

Camila knew she was cornered, she had no choice but to go to her bunk. Still, she was mad, and couldn’t help but stomp her feet as she walked to the back of the bus. Next thing she knew, Lauren was swatting her thigh.

“You know better than to give me that kind of attitude, baby.”

“But it’s not fair! I don’t want to go to my bunk!”

“I’ll give you a chance to explain, but if you keep screaming, I’ll send you to the corner.”

“…I want to do the meet & greet.”

“I know, then go to your bunk!”

“BUT I’M NOT TIRED!”

“Camila, one.”

She couldn’t repress the tears anymore. She didn’t want to go to bed. She wasn’t trying to be bad, she just wasn’t feeling tired, and it was just very distressing to her now to lay down for long periods of time when she couldn’t sleep, especially in those bunks. She couldn’t count the number of hours she had spent just staring at the ceiling in the dark in those, slowly going insane. She could feel herself become restless just thinking about it, her breathing becoming more labored.

“Hey, take a big breath with Mama, love. You’re okay, I’m right here.”

“N-no bed, mama…P-Please!”

“How about we calm down first, and then you explain, okay?”

Lauren walked them back to the couch, and sat Camila on her lap so she could feel her breathe against her back. She also put back the mushroom in her mouth and Nala in her arms, before starting humming “you are my sunshine.” All that added to the gentle tummy rubs had her calm down in a few minutes.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Huh-uh.”

“Do you think you could tell Mama what happened?”

“…I don’t like going to bed when I’m not sleepy…It’s…I can’t anymore. I-I go crazy and I panic.”

Lauren felt bad for not thinking about it herself. Camila had mentioned it the night of the spanking, well not in so many words, but it wasn’t too hard to put the pieces back together.

“Okay, so how about we just stay like that?”

“Just not the bunks, mama. I don’t like them.”

“Alright, we’ll stay on the couch, baby. Let’s get comfy…Baby, I meant to lie down, not for you to take off of your pants.”

“It’s naptime, mama. That means no pants... For you too, off!”

Lauren shook her head in amusement, but complied. Soon, she was settling with her baby on her chest, her mouth already busy with her mushroom, their bare legs entwined.

“…Mama…I’m not sleepy.”

“Shh, just close your eyes, love. Cuddle mama for a bit.”

Camila could do that. She was surrounded by Lauren’s perfume, she could feel her heart beat against her cheek, and Lauren’s hands were tenderly roaming her body. It was a great change of pace from the rest of the day. Show days were always hectic, and only ended around midnight, just as the next one began. This midday break was nice.

“How’s my little booty?”

She hadn’t even felt Lauren’s hands settle on her butt, gently pressing here and there to check if it was still achy.

“Iz good.”

“Yeah? No more boo-boos?”

This time, Camila took the mushroom out of her mouth.

“No, mama… Well… Maybe you shouldn’t spank it just yet.”

“Oh really? How long do you feel it needs to be ready for that?”

“…Long time, mama. Like, months!”

“Let’s just check something.”

Camila was scared for a second, not really feeling like getting a free spank. Instead, Lauren started rhythmically patting her butt with one hand. She hadn’t expected for it to feel so good. It was making her feel really little and safe. Each pat was rocking her slightly and making her sleepy against all odds. With her other hand, Lauren pulled the pendant back in her mouth, and a few minutes later Camila was out with 45 minutes to spare before they had to get up again. To say that Lauren was proud of herself was putting it lightly. She used that time to answer to some texts from people back home, stopping every few minutes to stare at her sleeping little angel.

By the time she had to wake up, Camila had lost her temporary paci, preferring to snuggle closer into Lauren’s cleavage.

“Hey, tiny perv, time to wake up…”

“fav moa minuts.”

As Camila was trying to hide away by nuzzling even closer to the skin underneath hers, Lauren’s words finally registered, as well as her own position. She was literally nuzzling Lauren’s right boob. It made her tense for a second, before it came back to her that she had every right to snuggle into her girlfriend, especially as the latter still had a hand on her butt.

“Wow, my boobs are really putting you in a good mood!”

“Leave me alone…”

“I could, but then I would have to take the boobs away and I’m not sure you’d still be smiling that much without them close.”

“Oh my god, sometimes it feels like I’m going out with a teenage boy!”

“Says the girl with her head between my boobs.”

“Says the girl with her hand groping my butt.”

“Well, I don’t see why you should be the only one having fun.”

It was weird in a way to be already so at ease physically with someone. Camila had never been in a relationship before, and was still very much a virgin, but being close like this with Lauren felt completely natural. While holding hands on the few dates she had been on had most times felt awkward, here, putting her nose under the crease of Lauren’s breast felt like a no-brainer.

“You smell good.”

“Are you still talking to me, or are you speaking to my boob specifically?”

“Don’t let the puppies out if you don’t want people to play with them.”

“The puppies? Seriously?”

“Hey! I never said anything about the Booty! And shush, it’s naptime!”

“Actually, it’s back-to-work time. And they’re not unleashed, they’re taped for your information!”

That made Camila lift up her head.

“Taped?”

She tried to lift up Lauren’s shirt, only to discover that the shirt was held by pieces of double-sided tape.

“Right on your nipples? That must hurt to take off!”

“Yeah, not my favorite part… But it’s worth it!”

“Why?”

“Makes you stare at them more.”

“You tease!”

“Well, it works!”

Camilla rolled her eyes and shook her head, but still put a kiss on each boob before getting up and putting back on her pants.

“You kiss them goodbye, now?”

“It was on my list.”

“What list?”

“List of things to do before I die.”

Camila just started to make her way toward the door, not wanting to look at Lauren’s smug expression.

“Should I expect to be motor-boated too?”

“Goodbye Lauren!”

“Wait! Camila, wait for me!”

Chapter Text

“Come on, don’t be chicken Walz!”

“But Lauren said I couldn’t!”

“Do you plan on telling her?”

“No!! I don’t want to get in trouble!”

“Then she’ll never know! It’s a no-brainer Chanch!”

“You always say that, and we always get caught!”

“Hey! Doesn’t mean it’s always my fault!”

“I’m not doing it.”

“So what, Lauren decides for you, now?”

“I already lied about where we were going!”

“So what’s one more lie?”

“We should go back.”

“You can, I won’t. I’m no chicken.”

“Me neither!”

“Chicken!”

“I’m not!!”

“Are too!”

“I’m not!”

“Prove it!”

“I will!”

“Then drink your 5-hour energy shot and get ready to get on Cloud 9!!!”

Their Friday concert had been cancelled due to the NorVa being completely flooded and unusable after some plumbing problem. So instead of preparing for the night, Dinah and Camila were standing in front of Cloud9, a huge trampoline park, taking their shot of energy drink before going in.

Camila had hoped to spend the afternoon with Lauren, but before she could propose anything, she had walked in on Lauren, Normani and Ally excitedly talking about going to the hair dresser that afternoon…and maybe it had made Camila feel mad a little bit… which is also maybe why she was so prompt to follow Dinah in her crazy idea! Dinah had insisted on not telling the girls where they were truly going, saying how they would probably not approve of their destination, so as far as they knew, they had went shopping. Strike one, one rule down. Then of course, Dinah had had to buy those stupid energy shots! Cause they were going to be running and jumping around so might as well be full of energy, right? Camila hadn’t mentioned it, but she wasn’t exactly allowed to have any of those anymore, so that was strike 2… meaning if Lauren ever heard about it, she would have her ass. Literally.

“Girl, you’ll see! I’ve seen pictures, hot guys everywhere! It’s going to be amazing.”

“…Why couldn’t we go to Bounce House?”

“Camila, for the last time, are we twelve?”

“…No.”

“Then we weren’t allowed to go! …And there were no hot guys!”

The place was huge! There were entire rooms made of trampolines, areas with foam pits and even an airdunk area! Camila first tried to follow Dinah, but soon enough it became clear that she wasn’t fit enough to make her way through the Ninja Obstacle Course, so she tried to make her way back to the free jump space, but ended up in a similar but smaller area. There were hardly anyone in it, so it seemed good enough! Camila started jumping around, not feeling so silly as nobody was here. The shot started to work its way through her system, and was making her giddier and giddier. She was running around, constantly falling on her butt and back, only to be propelled back on her feet which had her giggle like crazy. Soon enough she was munching on the pad of her thumb unconsciously, not feeling herself slip into littlespace. She wasn’t paying attention, and didn’t notice the arrival of about 15 college guys with dodgeballs in their hands. She was just twirling on herself as she was jumping when her face suddenly started hurting. She dropped to the ground holding it with both hands.

“Oh my god! Are you okay?”

“What was she doing here?”

“This is an ultimate dodgeball area! You have to be careful!”

 Her all face was prickling with pain, her mouth was definitely hurting more than it should, and there was something warm trickling down her nose. She tried to stop herself, but Camila couldn’t repress a sob. It hurt. It hurt a lot. And she didn’t know anyone. And she wanted mama. Oh god, mama was going to be so mad at her!

“Hey, can you lift up your hand so we can see what it looks like? I’m Jamie, and those are my friends, we’re really sorry, we didn’t see you in the corner. Do you think you broke something?”

“…I don’t know…it hurts.”

“Let me see, I broke my nose twice, I’ll check for you. Could someone go get the first aid kit?”

The guy was huge, well they all were! Which made sense once she noticed they were all wearing basketball jerseys. The guy named Jamie carefully manipulated her nose, and let out a little sigh of relief.

“Okay! Good news, it’s not broken, but it’s probably going to hurt for a little while! What’s your name?”

“Camila.”

“Nice to meet you, too bad it had to be under those circumstances.”

“I think I chipped a tooth.”

“Show me? …Yup, you did! I’m really sorry!”

“S’okay.”

Camila was still sniffling, but she was getting a grip back on herself.

“So what are you doing here on your own?”

“I couldn’t follow my friend in the ninja course, and it was quiet here.”

She was thankful none of the guys seem to realize who she was. Once the first aid kit was brought back to them, she was able to wipe all the blood from her chin, which made her realize her shirt was covered in droplets of blood.

“Goddamnit, not my shirt!”

“It’s okay, I have a spare one if you want!”

She was a bit confused at the guy’s behavior. It was nice and all, but it made her feel weirded out.

“…You know, so that people don’t think someone tried to murder you or something…”

He had a point! She nodded, her nose throbbing a bit at the sudden movement, but thankfully it wasn’t bleeding anymore!

“Cool! Follow me, it’s in my bag! And maybe we could make it up to you!”

That’s how 30 minutes later, she was in a huge basketball shirt and shrieking uncontrollably as the guys kept each lifting her up  as they jumped to make her dunk in the airdunk area. She hadn’t exactly expected that, but the guys kept pestering her about being sorry, so she had agreed to follow them. She had to admit that she was having a lot of fun! Dinah had even joined them afterward, and was having a fierce competition with Jamie. She was filled to the brim with energy, and was having a lot of fun!

“Wait, wait! I have an idea!! What if you guys all jump on the trampoline? That should lift me up right?”

Soon enough, they were trying out her theory, and Camila was able to grab the hoop and dunk the ball…What she hadn’t thought of was that now she was sort of stuck holding onto the hoop.

“Um...Guys? Could someone come get me? Guys?”

“Let go, Camila.”

The voice truly startled her. That was Lauren. Oh no. She was in big trouble, now. When she looked down she saw that Big Rob was waiting to catch her with a disapproving expression.

“um…I’m good! I’ll just stay here for a bit.”

“One.”

She let go right away. Nope. She was not getting in any more trouble than she already was!

Lauren didn’t even look at her once she was on the ground.

“Let’s go.”

“Lauren…”

“Not now, Camila.”

“But!”

“There’s a horde of paparazzi waiting outside. Not. Now. Camila.”

“Ralph-“

“Oh no, I don’t want to hear you either, Dinah. Just go get your stuff, and follow us.”

If she wasn’t feeling so ashamed, Camila would have had to admit that Lauren looked super hot. She had trimmed her hair a bit, and re-dyed her roots black, her hair looked luscious and soft, and her makeup was on point. She had some dark lipstick on that with her crossed arms and stern face just made her look like some sort of Goddess of war. Camila hurried to go get her stuff, and pitifully waved goodbye to the guys that looked a bit stunned by what was happening.

“Go with Big Rob, Dinah.”

“What about Chancho?”

“Camila’s coming with me. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I think you’re dead, Walz.”

“Shut up, Dinah. It’s all your fault!”

“WHAT? I didn’t force you to come!”

“I said I wanted to go home once we got there!”

“And I said you could, just that I was still going!”

“You nagged at me until I agreed to come!”

“Maybe because I knew you wanted to go!…And I didn’t force the 5-hour shot down your throat either! Just so we’re clear!”

“Camila, did you really drink that?”

“See! I’m getting in trouble again because of your stupid idea!”

“Oh! So now it’s stupid? That’s not what you said when I asked if you wanted to come!”

“I wanted to go to Bounce House!”

“WE’RE NOT TWELVE OR UNDER, CAMILA!!”

“YEAH WELL MAYBE I WOULDN’T HAVE NEARLY BROKEN MY NOSE!”

“YOU WERE IN THE DODGEBALL AREA, DUMMY!”

“STOP!”

Lauren’s icy voice was followed by complete silence.

“I said: Dinah, go with Big Rob, Camila’s coming with me. I don’t want to hear another word from you.”

Even Dinah lowered her face to the ground after that. She quietly followed Big Rob to the van, while Lauren walked to her rental car.

“Not the front seat. Go in the back. Bad little girls don’t get to sit in the front.”

Camila pitifully made her way around the car as the van was leaving. The manager had been nice enough to have them exit through the employees’ parking lot in the back. The atmosphere in the car was tensed. Camila felt like she might choke on the silence surrounding them.

“Look, Lauren…”

“Oh no. You don’t get to try and play the big girl now. You’re in big trouble.”

“But mama…”

“No baby, I don’t want to hear it right now. I’m too mad. And disappointed! …Do you have any idea how worried I was? Nobody could find you, you were not where you said you were, and you weren’t answering your phone, Camila! Just reverse our role for a second here. What if you couldn’t find me, huh? What if I had just disappeared, Camila! How would you feel?”

At this point, Camila was a sobbing mess. She felt so bad, she knew it had been a bad idea. She knew better than to do something like that! She couldn’t even imagine what it would be like if she lost Lauren.

“I’m sorry mama…”

“And you’ll be even sorrier once I’ll be done with you. You broke the rules and you had all of us awfully worried.”

They kept on driving in silence, Camila still sobbing in the back, her nose throbbing after each sniffle, and feeling increasingly sicker and sicker because of the 5-hour drink. She just wanted to start back this day from the beginning. She wanted to wake up cuddled against Lauren again, and to have her give her her shake, and to watch Adventure Time in their bunk. And she wanted to go ask Lauren to go out sooner, and maybe go to the aquarium, and hold Lauren’s hand and watch the fishies. And more than anything, she wanted to not be here, with her chipped tooth and achy nose, in a huge t-shirt, as Lauren was pointedly ignoring her.

Finally the car stopped in front of a little hotel. Without a word, Lauren unbuckled herself.

“I want you to stay here, Camila.”

“Mamaaa!”

“No. I want you to stay here. I’ll be back with our keys. You better mind me this time, Karla Camila.”

Without adding anything else, or even glancing her way, Lauren got out of the car. She didn’t lock the car, but Camila knew better than to come out. If it was a test, she intended on passing this one with flying colors. She’d be good now. 5 minutes later Lauren was back, keys in hand. She opened the door to the backseat, and sat beside Camila, searching through her bag. Camila moved closer, trying to get as close to her as possible.

“Oh no, baby. You’re getting no comfort because you got caught. You’ll deserve cuddles once you’ll have taken your punishment like a good girl, and that you’ll know better than to ever try something so reckless again. Now I need you to blow your nose, baby.”

“No, mama!”

“Now is not the time to be difficult, Camila.”

“But it hurts!”

“Why does it hurt?”

“The dodgeball, mama!”

To prove her point, she lifted up Jamie’s shirt to show her own bloodied shirt underneath.

“I even chipped a tooth, see?”

The sight of it all only made Lauren angrier. She hated that her baby had gotten hurt.

“You should have called me right away, Camila!”

“I’m sorry mama…”

Lauren let out a tired sigh, and rubbed her face. The past hours had been so emotional. All she wanted to do was go to sleep with her baby curled up against her, safe and sound in her arms, but she couldn’t do that. She couldn’t let Camila get away with that kind of behavior. She couldn’t risk having to relive that day ever again. She carefully cleaned up Camila’s face with a tissue, and then put a pair of big sunglasses on her before doing the same. They might as well be discreet.

“Let’s go, baby.”

With a deep breath she got out of the car, and grabbed their stuff from the trunk before taking the stairs outside to get to their room. Camila silently followed, knowing that she probably wouldn’t keep a fond memory of this place.

The room was ordinary. Everything seemed spotless, and it was enough for them. When Lauren had prepared that little getaway, she hadn’t pictured things going that way.

“I want you to go to the corner Camila. I want you to think back on today, and pinpoint each time you made a bad decision, think about why you did it, and what you should have done instead. Understood? Good. Go now, baby.”

The next 20 minutes were probably the longest of Camila’s life. She was so ashamed of her own behavior. She was bad, and Lauren probably wouldn’t even want her anymore, now! She was just pitifully crying in her corner, feeling alone and small. The energy shot still in her system wasn’t helping either. She was feeling fidgety and agitated. Her hands kept spasming and her heart was racing though she wasn’t doing anything. She didn’t move, though. She wanted to prove to Lauren that she could be good.

“Time’s up, love. Come here.”

Camila rushed to Lauren, wanting nothing more than to be close to her.

“Tell me why we’re here, Camila.”

“Cause I was bad, mama…”

“You’re never bad, baby, you just make bad decisions. What bad decisions did you make today?

“I broke the rules.”

“Yes, you did. Which ones?”

“I lied to you when I said I was going shopping with Dinah, and I had some energy drink, which the doctor said I wasn’t s’posed to have anymore…And all that was reckless, and I’m not supposed to do reckless stuff either…”

“What should you have done instead?”

“I…I should have asked you if I could go there, and said no to the drink…”

Her voice kept cracking under the weight of the tears she was holding back. Admitting all that wasn’t easy, but at least it felt like she was finally doing the right thing.

“And can I please know why you didn’t make those decisions?”

“Dinah…Dinah said it would be fun, but that you guys would say no, because you would think that we would get hurt… And she had already bought the shots, and I didn’t want to tell her the doctor had said no.”

“Why?”

“’Cause…She’s the only one that doesn’t…She looks at me the same way as before! Everybody is so worried, and look at me as if I might break, but she doesn’t! And I know I shouldn’t do that, I shouldn’t be such a push-over, but… I don’t want that to change…”

That statement broke Lauren’s heart. It was no good reason, but it explained a lot.

“And how do you feel right now?”

“…I don’t feel good, mama…”

“Exactly. Because the rules are made so you don’t do things that are bad for you. So now my baby is hurting all over. Why, Camila? …And don’t tell me it’s all Dinah’s fault, you’re not that much of a push-over.”

She had hoped Lauren wouldn’t ask about this anymore, but of course she would. The sobs finally broke free from her chest, and she hid behind her hands, too ashamed by the truth.

“I…I was mad, mama…”

“Why were you mad, baby?”

“’Cause I wanted to spend the day with you, but you had already made plans with Mani and Ally…”

Camila saw Lauren’s gaze harden, and hurried to try and explain.

“I just got mad! I hoped we could go to the aquarium or something! And you said my paci and bottle would get here today! But then you said you wanted to go to the stupid hair-dresser, and I was just really sad ‘cause I wanted to look at the fishies and hold your hand, and they have mermaids swimming in the pool in the afternoon, and I thought it was awesome, and I really wanted to spend the day with you, and like maybe steal a baby otter or something…”

Her baby was the cutest thing on earth. It didn’t excuse her behavior, though. Her rambling might have been cute, but it didn’t make her reasoning okay.

“So you decided to act out.”

“It wasn’t like that! I was sulking, and Dinah said that since you were all doing something we should just go out and do something together. I wasn’t thinking, I was just angry, but once we got there I realized it was a big mistake, mama! And I told her I wanted to go back, but she said she was going, and then she said I was chicken, I’m not chicken, mama!”

“I wouldn’t be so proud of it if I were you, Camila…Do you have anything else to say?”

“I’m so sorry, mama… I swear I won’t do it again! I wasn’t thinking, I didn’t mean to worry you or to break-…Okay, maybe at first I meant to break the rules, but I didn’t think of how it could affect you… of the possible consequences apart from my punishment...”

“Thank you baby. I know it’s hard, but I’m glad you admitted all that. Let’s take care of this, okay? You’ll get five spanks per rule you broke, and five more to hopefully remind you once and for all to come to me when you’re upset. You should have come to me when you were sad because you thought I didn’t want to spend the day with you. You could have given me a chance to explain, but instead you decided to act out to get noticed. That kind of behavior will never get rewarded, baby. When something is wrong, we talk about it, we don’t throw a tantrum or decide to act out!”

Camila felt a rush of fear at the prospect. It was twice as much as last time. She knew she deserved it, but her body was in full fight-or-flight mode.

“…That’s a lot, mama!”

“Yes it is, baby. Maybe next time you’ll think twice before being so reckless. Do you remember your colors, baby?”

“…Yellow, orange and red, mama.”

“Good job, baby. You can get use them at any time if you’re getting uncomfortable or if it’s too much. Okay?”

While it helped Camila settled down a bit, it did nothing to the knot in her stomach or her racing pulse. Lauren could feel that she needed to get this over with, and not just for Camila’s sake, her own, too. She had been worried sick all afternoon looking for her, she just wanted to hold her close, but she knew she couldn’t do that as long as it wasn’t done. The time-out had given her time to calm down, she knew better than to ever punish someone physical while angry, that time was as much for her as it was for Camila.

“Alright, I’m going to take off your pants, and you’re going to get over my lap. Again, I won’t ask you to stay perfectly still, but you’re not allowed to try to get off my lap. If you do you’ll get one more pop each time.”

Camila couldn’t wait for it to be over. Her sobs only intensified when Lauren lowered both her pants and panties, and had her settle over her lap.

“Mama…please…I promise I’ll be good…”

“I know, love. After this, you’ll be extra good for a little while.”

Lauren’s voice wasn’t mean, but she knew what her baby was trying to do. She also knew that she had to start soon. She was just checking her bottom to make sure that it was all healed correctly, and that she didn’t have some zones to spare, but it was giving more time for Camila to stress about the upcoming spanking, which was not what she wanted.

“Can I have Nala, please?”

“No baby, you broke too many rules. But if you take your spanking like the good girl you are, mama will give her to you right after, okay? Let’s start.”

Lauren didn’t waste anymore time. There was no use to making the moment linger. The first 4 were just warmups. She could hear Camila unhappily whining, but it probably had more to do with what she knew would come next.

“What color, baby?”

“…Yellow…”

She then started making smacks rain all over Camila’s backside, while lecturing her.

“This better be the last time you do something like that to me, Camila! You don’t leave without telling me where you’re going. You don’t do things bad for you just because others do it. And you don’t shut me out, baby. You tell me if you’re sad. You come to me if things bother you. You call me when you get hurt. If you feel like you’re about to make a bad decision, you also come to me. Is. That. Clear?”

Each sentence was punctuated by a spank. Camila’s body had caved, she wasn’t moving around or thrashing anymore. Lauren decided for a small break, gently rubbing her now glowing red butt.

“Yes, mama. I’m sorry!”

“I know baby, you’re being so good for mama. It’s nearly done, love.”

“No more…”

“Just five. I want you to count for me baby, can you do that?”

“Yes, mama…”

*smack*

“One…”

“Because you should know better than to get angry like this.”

*smack*

“Ah! Two…”

“Because you know that you’re mama’s prime priority no matter what.”

*smack*

“Three, mama!”

“Because I never ever want to be so scared to have lost you again, baby.”

*smack*

“Ah, four!”

“Because mama needs you to come to her when things are wrong, and not run away.”

*SMACK*

“AAh! FIVE MAMA!”

“Because I love you, and I won’t let you hurt yourself like that, baby.”

Camila just laid there lifelessly, her little frame only shaken by her sobs, like a body lost at sea shaken by the waves. Lauren was fast to lift her up in her arms, and to wrap herself around her, mindful once again of her sensitive behind. She grabbed the towel that she had put beside her, and gently cleared up her face while rocking her.

“It’s all over baby. You did so good, mama’s so proud…I love you so much, baby, you promise you’ll never do that again?”

“I-I… I promise, m-mama!”

“That’s my good girl... It’s all good, all forgiven. I’m going to take care of you, baby. It’s okay, let it out…”

Camila kept trying to get closer to her, but it never felt like it was enough. She just needed to feel Lauren everywhere around her.

“Shh, how about a bath, wouldn’t that be nice, baby?”

“NOoo! Mama, please! Y-you! I stay with you!”

“Shh, deep breaths my love… Of course you’re staying with me. How about you help mama get ready for the bath, uh?”

She knew Camila wouldn’t let go of her, so she had to improvise a bit. She lifted up her arms and thankfully Camila understood, and helped her remove her shirt and bra, snuggling close once she was topless. Lauren then did the same with Camila, though she let out some distressed whines at being removed from Lauren’s chest.

“It’s okay, see? All done, come here.”

Camila clutched back to her like a baby koala to its mom, but Lauren still managed to take off all of her clothes. She then walked them to the bathroom where a bath was already waiting for them, Lauren having drawn it while Camila was in time-out. The room was warm and quiet, only lit by two candles provided by the hotel, and smelled of Lauren’s vanilla-scented shampoo that she had used to make some foam. Camila was already settling down a bit. She lowered them carefully in the water, Camila lying against her, chest to chest.

“There we go, baby…”

Camila was still lightly shaking in her arms, tears still streaming down her face. Lauren hated to see her baby like this. She kept nuzzling into her breast, seeking comfort. Minutes were passing by, and nothing was working: stroking her back, singing, playing with her hair, even giving her her thumb. Lauren finally decided to try something new.

“How about we try something different, love?”

She gently moved Camila’s head until it was resting on her arm.

“Mama! No…”

“Shh…”

She then turned a bit on her side, and with a certain level of apprehension guided Camila’s mouth toward her nipple. Camila tried to nuzzle into it, not really catching her drift.

“Open for me, baby.”

She gently traced her mouth, until Camila opened and finally latched on. With one hand, Lauren was gently caressing her cheek, while the other was rubbing her tummy, she started humming “You are my sunshine”, hoping to settle Camila into this new development. Just a few moments later, Camila was closing her eyes and suckling on her breast gently.

Camila had never felt anything like this. Literally! Her mom hadn’t been able to breastfeed her or her sister as a baby, so it was completely new to Camila. She was finally feeling properly soothed, like she was finally close enough to her. She was all she could feel, smell, see, hear and taste. The spanking had pushed her so far in the headspace, it had felt like she was floating, but now she felt anchored anew. Her mind was blank, just soaking in the moment, as if the earth had stopped spinning for a little bit.

Lauren felt a bit overwhelmed. Sharing this moment with Camila was like nothing she could describe. Her eyes couldn’t look away from the sight. Seeing her like this, and feeling how she was latching on to her was making her feel a bit emotional. It ended up making her voice catch, which made Camila look up to her with apprehension.

“Mama?”

“It’s okay, baby. I’m okay my love.”

Mama’s smile was bright like the sun, so it probably meant that it was true. Reassured, Camila latched back on again, not wanting to stop just yet.

It took them another hour before Lauren was done washing them both. It had taken some extra time, because Camila couldn’t get enough of the feeling of having her hair washed for her, and Lauren couldn’t get enough of her, nor of the smell of her baby shampoo.

As Lauren was helping her in a bodysuit on the bed, when Camila finally noticed the box sitting by the door. Getting her to latch off had been a bit of a struggle, so Lauren had given her the mushroom in exchange.

“’Ma, What’s zat?”

“What’s what, baby?”

“Ze box?”

“Hm…I wonder what it could be…”

“Mama!”

“How about we get in our PJ’s and we open it together?”

“Iz it my paci?”

“I don’t know, is it?”

“Mamaaa!”

“Stop moving around, the quicker I’m done, the faster we open it!”

Camila stopped struggling, and let Lauren help her in a big sweater similar to the one she was wearing. As soon as that was done, Camila jumped out of bed and ran to get the box before settling back on the bed between Lauren’s legs.

“Can I open it now?”

Lauren sat back up so Camila could press her back against her chest, pulled her arms around her, and plopped her head on her shoulder to watch her open it.

“Go for it, baby.”

Camila excitedly did so, to reveal two pacifiers, one soft pink and the other purple and pink, a bottle with a Nuk teat, and to Camila’s delight, a plush bunny! She pulled it to herself right away.

“You like it?”

She bashfully nodded. The day had been pretty eventful, so the surprise was enough to have her tear up again.

“I saw it and I thought it looked perfect. Is it as soft as it looks?”

Camila grabbed one of the bunny’s ear, and gently rubbed it against her cheek, smiling at how good it felt. She then did the same to Lauren.

“Wow, that’s a really soft bunny! What should we call him?”

Camila shrugged, intently looking at it. Her eyes fell back on the pacis and the bottle, distracting her from her thought process. She grabbed the purple and pink paci in one hand, the other still rubbing the bunny’s ear against her cheek.

“Can we open it?”

“Mama needs to wash them, love.”

That made Camila tear up again, she really wanted it now.

“Oh, baby, don’t give me that look.”

She couldn’t take her wobbling chin and her big chocolate eyes filled with tears.

“How about this, we get some food from room service, I wash them while we wait, and you’ll have them after dinner?”

“Mamaaa…”

“Shh, I know my love, but you can cuddle with your bunny and watch cartoons in the meantime. Take your mushroom, there you go.”

Camila was whining, but calmed down once Lauren gave her her laptop with the Kids section of Netflix opened. Soon enough she could hear the opening notes of the Magic School Bus, and let out a relieved sigh as she made her way to the electric kettle to sanitize all of Camila’s new things.

The menu was pretty scarce, but Lauren managed to get them something a bit healthier than a pizza to Camila’s despair. They quickly ate, Lauren even having to remind Camila to slow down a couple time.

“I’m done, mama!”

“Good job, baby!”

“Can I have my paci, now?”

“How about you go wash up first? You still have some sauce on your face.”

Camila rushed to the bathroom.

“And brush your teeth!”

Lauren used that time to clean up the table, and to warm up some milk in Camila’s new bottle. Her baby was still pretty energetic even after her eventful day, the 5-hour being at fault, no doubt. Hopefully the milk would calm her down. She grabbed the purple paci, and put the other with Camila’s stuff, and grabbed her blanket and stuffies that were still in her suitcase. She set everything on the bed, and lowered the light before going to brush her teeth too.

“Come on, baby! Let’s go to bed, now!”

Lauren pulled her up in her arms, making her way back to the bed. Sat against the headboard, her baby cradled against her, she brought the bottle to her mouth, like she did with the shaker bottle, but this time instead of focusing on something else, or turning on the TV, the room stayed silent, and she concentrated all her attention on Camila, her eyes lost in hers, a soothing smile on her face.

“Let’s try this, baby. Open for mama.”

For some odd reason Camila felt self-conscious for a second. Her hands were shuffling with her bunny, until she couldn’t resist anymore. Before even taking her first sip she was in love. The way it fitted perfectly in her mouth was heavenly. For the first time she was able to truly suckle, and it felt like a piece of her was finally at peace.

“Yeah, my baby loves her baba…”

Lauren proud smile and heart eyes were making Camila’s heart flutter. It was a bit scary, and it made her feel very vulnerable but her eyes wouldn’t let go of Lauren’s. Those two green planets were like her personal suns, making her feel warm inside.

Lauren couldn’t get enough of this moment. It was all perfect: the little sounds she was making as she was suckling and drinking, and how she would exhale after each gulp, and the smell of her baby shampoo permeating the air, and the way she was fighting to keep her eyes on Lauren though her lids were getting heavier and heavier…

“It’s okay, baby, you can close your eyes…Mama’s right here.”

Camila stubbornly shook her head, one of her hands going to Lauren’s face, gently tracing it. Camila never wanted to forget this moment, she wanted to commit it to memory, and never let it fade away. Lauren’s hand joined hers, and pulled it to her mouth to leave three little kisses on it. They stayed quiet, lost in each other’s gaze, the worries of the day now feeling far away from them.

“All done. Good job, baby…”

She removed the teat from Camila’s mouth gently, as the girl was nearly asleep already.

“Mama, no!”

“Shh, open for me, love.”

Camila opened her eyes once more, and kept her eyes on her mama as she felt her put her paci between her lips. The look they exchanged was meaningful, and filled with the love they had for each other. The teat was similar to the one of the bottle, but felt even better. Lauren lowered them so they were lying in bed properly. Feeling safe and content in Lauren’s arms, her bunny tucked under hers, and her paci in mouth, Camila passed out, feeling lighter and more at peace than ever.

Chapter Text

“10 would be perfect. Thank you. Goodbye.”

Camila’s face scrunched up hearing those words. She was barely awake, and the prospect of having to do things apart from lying in bed this morning wasn’t exactly appealing.

“Did I wake you up, love?”

Now that was better: a soft voice in her ear, soft skin against hers, soft kisses on her cheek… Camila just wanted to drift back to sleep, but as she rolled on her back, the last day events came back to her mind in the form of a very, very sore bottom. And it only got worse, because as she was trying to turn back around, her nose bumped into her pillow which also awakened the pain.

“Owww!”

“Oh, love! Be careful! Let’s get you back on your side. I’ll go get some cream for your bum, okay?”

That made Camila whine and cling to the hand lingering on her arm. She didn’t want to be alone, and she didn’t care about the stupid cream, she wanted cuddles!

“Shh, let’s not get fussy, baby! Open for mama.”

The taste of the teat of her pacifier calmed her down right away. That was one thing she was happy to remember this morning! As she could hear Lauren rummage around behind her, things progressively came back to her, and she was blindly throwing her arm around, trying to feel for the soft fluffiness of her new plush. She still didn’t know what to name him, but she already loved him more than anything, and maybe cuddling him would help not having mama close for now.

As time went on, she could feel herself get more and more upset as she couldn’t find it. Tears were slowly building up behind her closed lids, and she could feel a lump growing in her throat. She was achy all over from her many booboos and just jumping around for hours, and she wanted her bunny... Like, now! She was getting worked up, her shoves under the covers were getting harsher, and her feet were starting to kick in aggravation. She couldn’t have lost him! He was right there just yesterday night!

“May I know why my baby is throwing a fit this early in the morning?”

“I want bunny, mama!”

If her baby hadn’t been so upset, it would have probably made her laugh. The bunny in question was right behind her head, so she picked it up, and put it back in front of Camila.

“He was just behind you, silly. Maybe if you would open your eyes, it would have been easier.”

Camila wasn’t paying attention, too busy hugging her bunny close to her, and rubbing one of his ears against her cheek. As she was taking a deep breath, she noticed that he smelled just like mama’s shampoo, and started rubbing his ear against her nose instead.

“He smells like you mama.”

Lauren went back to making Camila’s morning shake in her new bottle, adding some banana flavor in it before making her way back to the bed that looked just so appealing with her baby all warm and cuddly curled up in it.

“Scoot, baby. Mama wants in in that cuddle session!”

With a giggle, Camila wiggled to Lauren’s side of the bed, so Lauren could get in, before backing up until Lauren was spooning her.

“Come here.”

Lauren pulled her on her chest directly, letting her get comfortable before opening the crotch snaps on her bodysuit.

“Mamaaa! No!”

“I’m going to put some cream on your butt, and then I’ll give you your bottle.”

“No! No cream!”

Camila hated that part. Sure, it made it hurt less, but she didn’t want to be reminded of her spanking and bad behavior right now. She just wanted to be close to her mama, and maybe go back to sleep for a bit. She was still drained from the event of the last day, and felt highly sensitive right now. Tears were building up yet again behind her lids, and she couldn’t repress a few sniffles.

“Shh, baby, I’ll do it quickly.”

She then lowered her underwear, and grabbed the cream she had put beside her. Camila kept whining throughout the process, but one quick slap on her thigh made sure she wouldn’t try to move away again.

“There! All done!”

Camila wasn’t particularly impressed, and even less once Lauren tugged her paci out of her mouth.

“Mama! Paci!”

“Open for mama, love. It’s okay!”

She settled down once it was replaced with the teat of her bottle, which she started to suckle down eagerly.

“See? It’s all good. You’ve been a really good girl to mama taking your punishment and letting mama put on the cream.”

She kept leaving little kisses on Camila’s head and stroking her back. She couldn’t get enough of the little contented smile on Camila’s face as she was suckling. Her baby was relaxing more and more in her arms, and by the end of it, she would sometimes stop altogether, falling back asleep, before starting again. Once it was done, Lauren carefully took it out of her mouth, trying not to disturb the sleeping girl. It didn’t exactly work out as she wanted it too, and Camila started whining at the loss of it.

“Shh, go back to sleep baby… Here, take your paci, angel.”

Once her paci in her mouth, Camila was out. It was okay, it was only 8 so Lauren could let her sleep for another hour. She hadn’t meant to wake her up, she just needed to set up an appointment with a dentist to take care of her chipped front tooth. This was going to be another struggle without a doubt, Camila wasn’t exactly a big fan of dentists, so she was glad for this little moment of respite.

“Lauren?”

“Already awake, love?”

“What time is it?”

“It’s a bit before 9.”

“Uuuugh… Why are we awake so early?”

“I need us to go somewhere at 10.”

“Where?”

“You’ll see!”

“Babe! I don’t like surprises!”

“Too bad!”

“You’re so mean to me!”

With that last petulant sentence, Camila buried her head against Lauren’s chest.

“Wow, I see! I don’t even get a good morning kiss! It’s starting to feel like you’re in this relationship only for my boobs!”

“Morning…”

Camila pecked the soft skin under her, knowing how it would annoy her girlfriend.

“Really? After all you had me go through yesterday, this is all I get?”

Camila finally caved and gave her girlfriend a slow, sleepy kiss before nuzzling against her neck.

“How did you even found out where we were?”

“Do you really think nobody would recognize you? This place is right beside the university’s campus! We were looking everywhere until Mani checked the news, there were videos of you guys everywhere!”

Camila bumped her head a few times against Lauren’s neck. Stupid, stupid decisions!

“So yeah, I was super happy to see you giggling away with their cherished basketball team…!”

That made Camila sprung up with an amused face.

“Were you jealous?”

“…Camila. Picture me being held by like 10 athletes looking like I was having the time of my life.”

Camila scrunched up her face just picturing the scene.

“I wouldn’t like that… But I’m not into guys, so you don’t have to worry!”

“Well thank god, it wasn’t the girl’s team then!”

“That would have been hot!”

Camila managed to keep a straight face for like 10 seconds before bursting out laughing at Lauren’s outraged face.

“I’m joking!”

“Very funny, Cabello…”

“Don’t be like that!”

To apologize, Camila started peppering kisses all over her face.

“Babe! Don’t be mad! You know you’re it for me.”

“Am I?”

“…Yeah, as long I you want me by your side, you’re pretty much stuck with me.”

Lauren’s frown disappeared, and they both started looking at each other with heart eyes. Dinah and Normani would have had a field day with that if they had seen them!

“Then I guess we’re stuck together for a very long time, then… Just you, me and the Booty.”

“And the puppies.”

“I don’t know how I feel about you calling my boobs “puppies”.”

“Tough, babe.”

That answer earned her a poke in her side.

“No! Don’t! I’m ticklish, and I haven’t peed yet, so don’t even think about it!”

Lauren poked her again, which made Camila jump up from the bed and run to the bathroom. Lauren could help but laugh at the indignant glare Camila sent her way.

“Damn it! Lauren! I can’t open those stupid crotch snaps!!”

Lauren only started laughing harder, rolling on the bed.

“Come help me, you baboon! I swear, if I pee my pants it’s your fault!”

“You locked the door!”

Camila hurriedly opened it, and let Lauren in.

“Stop laughing! Just, please, hurry up!”

Lauren lowered herself, and started unsnapping the buttons. Once she was done –she had to admit that the third one had been a struggle- she looked up, realizing how quiet it was all of a sudden.

Dark dilated irises were looking back at her. The flush on Camila’s cheeks definitely had nothing to do with embarrassment.

“Doing good, up there?”

“Uhm?...Oh! Yeah! Thanks, just got…Lost in thoughts.”

“Yeah? More like lost in the gutter it seems…”

She loved seeing how she could affect her, and it felt especially good with how jealous she had felt just yesterday. Camila was hers, and those stupid college boys would never get to be looked at that way by her.

“…Leave me alone…It’s just…It feels really different that when you do it when I’m…little.”

“Of course it does, my sweet baby isn’t some perv like you…”

“I’m not a pervert! If anything, you are!”

“Oh, but I have no problem with that.”

Lauren sent her a seductive smile while slowly getting up from between Camila’s leg. Camila’s eyes were hungrily roaming her body, the sight so erotic she felt her lower parts pulse.

“Ok, out, I need to pee, you succubus!”

Lauren just put a little kiss on her cheek before making her way out of the bathroom with some extra sway in her steps.

“Ugh…Out of my sight!”

With a sigh of relief, and maybe a bit of disappointment -though she would never admit it!- she watched the door close and sat on the toilet, finally able to relieve herself. 

They quickly put on some clothes, and went to grab some breakfast from the buffet in the hotel before making their way back upstairs.

“So, where are we going?”

“You’ll see, just grab your coat and your purse, and let’s go! Let’s get this done, I have plenty of stuff planned for today!”

Thankfully the practice wasn’t too far from where they were staying, they had about 10 minutes before their appointment, hopefully it wouldn’t leave too much time for Camila to worry.

“Please tell me we’re going to the frozen yogurt parlor on the other side of the street.”

“I wish we were, but no. Camila, your chipped tooth needs to be fixed.”

“Nu-huh, it’s all good, thank you.”

“Camila, you worked hard to have a perfect smile, let’s not have a chipped tooth come ruin it.”

“It’s barely visible!”

“It can easily be fixed, so we’re doing it.”

“No. I’m not going.”

“Don’t start being difficult, it will be done in no time.”

“You can’t make me!”

Turns out she could… The threat of 50 lines, 5 spanks and staying at the hotel for the afternoon finally convinced her to follow Lauren inside.

“Camila Cabello?”

“It’s us! Let’s go, Camila.”

“This is really not necessary, Lauren. It’s not too late to just leave.”

Lauren discreetly put her mouth closer to Camila’s ear and whispered:

“It’s not too late either for you to go in there and still be punished, so if I were you I’d be good, little one.”

Camila swallowed, and followed the assistant, but two steps later she realized that Lauren wasn’t following her. Nope, no, she wasn’t going in there alone! She went back and grabbed Lauren’s hand, dragging her along. Lauren finally realized how scared Camila genuinely was, her hand was clammy in hers, and her eyes were looking left and right, as if searching for an escape.

“Hi! Come in, which one of you is Camila?”

“She is.”

“Are you also here for a consultation?”

“Oh no! I’m just accompanying her!”

Before either could add anything, Camila finally talked.

“Can she stay with me? I don’t…I don’t like going to the dentist…”

“Sure! No problem! Go sit in the chair, and I’ll have your friend sit on the other side, okay?”

Lauren was relieved to see that the doctor was pretty sympathetic. She decided to explain everything herself, as Camila was grasping the sides of the chair with all her might, her knuckles turning white.

“I see, nothing too bad, no need to worry, miss!”

A little whine escaped Camila as the chair started being lowered down. Lauren grasped her hand, and started gently rubbing it with her thumb.

“Let’s take a look at it… It’s a pretty neat cut, so it should be done quickly, just let me check around while we’re here.”

Camila hated that part, having your teeth probed wasn’t exactly painful, but was far from enjoyable.

“Uh-oh…I think we have the beginning of a cavity over here.”

Camila looked at Lauren in horror.

“We’ll take care of it right now, that way it won’t bother you.”

“NO!”

“Camila, mind the doctor. We’re not going to wait until it hurts to take care of it.”

“Please, no.”

“Don’t listen to her. She’s just scared. It’s okay, Camila, it will be over in just a few minutes.”

Camila was doing her best to hold back her tears, but she really didn’t want to do this. Seeing the doctor prepare everything was only making it scarier. A couple tears made their way down her cheeks as he tried out the drill.

“Lo, please, can we go back to the hotel?”

It was breaking Lauren’s heart to see Camila like that. All she wanted to do was pull her in her arms, and leave this place, but instead she brushed her tears away, and kissed the hand she was holding. It had to be done.

“No, Camila. We’ll go back after this alright?”

“Don’t worry miss, just inhale this, and you won’t feel a thing. I know it’s pretty noisy, but it’s really not that terrible.”

Camila took a long inhale in the gasmask, hoping that it would help her calm down. And wow…It did! She felt soooo relaxed! It felt like she was floating away, further and further away from her body… Nothing hurt, well more like nothing felt, and it was amazing. It felt like heaven, though maybe a bit lonely…

“Alright! All done, her cavity is filled, and her tooth is repaired! Camila? It’s time to wake up, you finally get to go back.”

Camila was so confused, where was she going? And why wasn’t she floating anymore? And why did her mouth feel so weird?

“Camila? Let’s go, baby.”

That was mama! Oh, great! Mama was here! It was making her feel better, floating was fun, but she felt lonely.

“Mama!”

“Uhm…”

“Oh no, don’t worry! Some people are more affected by the anesthesia than others, the effects should wear off in the next couple hours at most. It’s pretty usual, just last week I had this forty-year-old biker sit on the porch of the practice insisting he had to wait for his mommy to come get him from school!”

While the doctor’s laugh sounded genuine, Lauren’s felt a bit more forced. His reaction was a relief though, that way she could take care of her baby without it looking suspicious.

“Hey, baby, how about we go back to the hotel now?”

“Mama, my mouth feels weird…”

“I know, but it’s a good sign, it means it’s all good now.”

“But mamaaa…”

“Shh, come here, love.”

Lauren gave her a hug while the doctor was cleaning up everything.

“Alright, I think you guys are good to go. I’ll just give you a little bit of ibuprofen, and you guys can go.”

After some coddling, Camila accepted to take her medicine, and soon enough they were back in the car.

“Mama, I want Bobby!”

“Who’s Bobby, love?”

Camila just started crying.

“Shh, don’t cry, baby! Mama just needs you to tell her who’s Bobby so mama can give it to you.”

“I want Bobbyyy…”

Feeling a bit helpless, Lauren just grabbed the bag she had prepared for Camila just in case this very situation arose.

“Is Bobby in here, baby?”

When Camila caught sight of her bunny, she wrenched it out of the bag and into her arms.

“So you finally found a name for you bunny, huh?”

“Mama, I’m thirsty…”

Clearly, the small girl was still pretty out of it, so Lauren pulled the bottle filled with water out of the bag without another word. Camila pulled it to her mouth, still sniffling, but started crying again when water started dripping out of her mouth.

“It’s okay, baby. Your mouth is just a bit numb still.”

That didn’t really made Camila feel any better, she was thirsty, but her mouth just wouldn’t close around the bottle correctly, and she still had that weird chemical taste in her mouth. As Camila was just getting more and more upset, Lauren decided to just park at the end of the first parking lot she found.

“Alright baby, mama’s going to make it better, no more tears.”

She had both of them go sit in the back, and pulled Camila on her lap sideways. She grabbed the shaker bottle that she had taken just in case, and poured the water in it instead.

“There, it’s going to be easier. Open for me, angel…”

It was indeed a bit better, water would still drip from time to time, but Lauren made sure to brush it away before it could slide down her neck. Camila was still agitated, it wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted her bottle and paci, but her mouth was feeling weird. She started poking at it, but Lauren was quick to take her hands away from her face.

“No baby! Don’t touch it, you might hurt yourself. You can’t touch or bite around, okay?”

Camila started kicking and wiggling around. She wanted it to stop! She didn’t like this.

“No fit, baby. Come on, be good for mama.”

Camila spit out her bottle, she wasn’t thirsty anymore, and it didn’t feel good in her mouth.

“Alright, let’s try this instead.”

Lauren moved around until her top and bra were out of the way. Hopefully Camila wouldn’t struggle with nursing so much. This time, Camila didn’t need any guidance, the second it was accessible, she was latching onto her breast. Since she could latch on a larger surface, it was much easier that way, sure she might have been drooling a bit, but at least she was calm again.

“There you go, love… Remember, don’t bite, okay? Mama won’t let you nurse if you bite.”

 10 minutes later, Camila was asleep. Carefully, Lauren detached her from her, and buckled her up. She put Bobby in her arms, and drove them back to the hotel, where she put Camila down for a longer nap.

“…Oww…”

“Hey, are you feeling better?”

“I’m never letting you take me out on a “surprise adventure” ever again…”

“Too bad, you were really going to love what I had prepared for us, today…”

“…What is it?”

“It’s a surprise, I can’t tell you!”

“Pleeeaaaase, Lo!”

“Nope, you’ll have to trust me.”

“Yeah, well see where trusting you got me?”

“To a healthy dentition?”

“…More like torture!”

“So you really don’t want to go to your next adventure?”

“What is it? A complete check-up? Maybe a colonoscopy?”

“Nah, the Booty’s all mine, and I’m taking good care of it.”

“Clearly, you’re not the one who has to sit on it!”

“Not my fault if you have a knack to get it in trouble!”

“…Is it at least something enjoyable this time?”

“You’ll LOVE it!”

“uhm…Okay. But it better be good! My mouth is still all achy.”

“I’ll give you another ibuprofen, go get ready!”

“Lauren?”

“Yes, love?”

“…Thank you…For taking care of me this morning.”

“Always, baby.”

After a quick kiss, they both started getting ready for a fun afternoon.

The misadventures of this morning put behind them, there were on their way to their next adventure.

“Oh my god! Lauren, are we going to the aquarium!”

“I don’t know, are we?”

Lauren had a smug smile on her face because of how excited Camila sounded. Camila just grabbed her face and pulled her in a passionate kiss as they were waiting at a red light. When the cars behind them started honking because it was green, they finally detached their lips.

“A little warning would be great next time, love.”

“I can’t believe it!! I LOVE going to the aquarium! Well, not all of them because sometimes they really mistreat badly their animals, but this one is a marine science center, and they actually inform people about at that stuff, and it looks so awesome! It’s one of the best one in the country! Did you know they have over 700,000 gallons of aquariums? They even have an IMAX and they do cruises to go sea dolphins and whales and stuff!”

God, she was so adorable! Lauren couldn’t get enough of Camila’s excited ramblings. She kept it up until they were parked and getting their tickets. Lauren put them in a corner right before entering the first exhibit, and grabbed both of Camila’s hands.

“Alright, love. Just to make a few things clear: I want you to stay by my side the whole time. I know you’re very excited to see everything, but this place is huge, and I don’t want you to get lost, okay? Also, I need you to listen to me, so no fits. If I say it’s time to go, we go, and if I say you can’t get something from the gift store, it’s final. If you throw a tantrum we’ll have to go, and we don’t want that do we?...Good. Last thing. We don’t steal baby otters. They all better stay safely with their mommies and daddies, understood?”

“…Yes.”

Lauren looked around to check that nobody was paying attention to them.

“Good, now give me a kiss and let’s go!”

Camila gave her a big smooch before pulling her to her feet and dragging her through the different exhibits. Camila couldn’t get enough of it, and Lauren couldn’t get enough of her. She was constantly oscillating between her littlespace and her normal mindset, sometimes rambling about random facts about whatever they were seeing, or cuddling back against Lauren and nibbling her thumb, just silently watching the fish go around the huge tanks.

Camila gave her puppy eyes in front of the otter’s exhibit.

“Just one! Look at this one, he’s super tiny and all alone!”

“No, baby.”

“But look! Nobody is taking care of him! He must feel so lonely!”

Just then the little otter walked back toward the adults, and one went to cuddle him.

“It seems to me that this baby was just sulking in a corner…Maybe instead he should have gone to his mama directly, don’t you think?”

Camila just pouted, leaning further against Lauren’s front as she was petting her hair.

After another 5 minutes of just watching them play around, they went back to their visit. Camila wasn’t too hard to convince once they announced that the mermaid show was starting.

“They’re so pretty!”

“Yes they are, love.”

“Mama look!”

Lauren was glad that in her awe of the moment, Camila was whispering. So far she had stuck with Lauren and Lo, but apparently the mermaid had really made her baby come out to play.

“They’re not the prettiest I’ve ever seen, though…”

“You’ve already seen mermaids?”

“Yup, a very cute one.”

“Where?”

“In Puerto Rico…”

“That was just me, Lo.”

“Prettiest little mermaid I’ve ever seen!”

“It was a lot of fun, I wish I had kept the tail…”

They kept quiet after that, letting themselves be mesmerized by the enchanting spectacle of the mermaids swimming around with the fish. By the end of the day, both girls were exhausted, and they decided to make the gift shop their last stop before going back to the hotel.

“Remember, if I say no it’s no, okay? And no more stuffies, love. I know you love them, but you already have a lot of them, and we wouldn’t want Bobby to feel jealous, right?”

Camila pondered a bit, before finally nodding. It made sense. She had just gotten him, she couldn’t just come home with a new one so fast!

“Good girl, now let’s go try to find some nice souvenir!”

Instead of a plushie, Camila came back with a set of bath toys shaped like animals that lit up and a bath squirter otter. She looked up at Lauren, eyes filled with excitement and hope.

“What do we have here…That’s great baby! Good choice! You can have them on one condition.”

That soured a bit Camila’s mood.

“What?”

“You can’t spray me with the otter while I help with your bath, alright?”

She accompanied her words with soft tickling fingers against her tummy.

“I promise, ah! Stop, mama!”

Lauren went to pay and was happy to realize that nobody was paying attention to them. So far, they hadn’t been recognized, she had even checked the news to see if some pictures had leaked, but so far so good. It felt great to have a “normal” day.

“Alright, I think we’re good to go! I need to go to the restroom, do you have to go?”

Camila looked back the shop, then back at Lauren.

“Hmm… No, I’m good! I’ll wait for you here.”

“Alright, but you better still be in that spot when I come back, alright?”

When Lauren came back, Camila was just hanging up her phone, and ran back to her to make their way to the exit.

Their way back to the hotel was quiet, both girls feeling tired. Lauren had put on her playlist of Ed Sheeran’s ballads, and they were quietly singing along, holding each other hand. Camila dozed off a bit at the end, but felt refreshed once they arrived.

“I’ll shower first, you should lie down a bit… Thank you for today, babe. It was amazing.”

“Anything for you, babe.”

Lauren was already sprawled on the bed, eyes closed. Camila pecked her closed lids, nose and lips before going to the bathroom. The relaxing sound of the shower quickly put Lauren to sleep.

“Time to wake up, love.”

The feeling of sweet kisses all over her face gently woke up Lauren. Damn, life was good!

“Stop smiling like a lunatic, and go jump in the shower! I’ve prepared everything.”

“Hmm… What did I do to deserve all that?”

“Well, if I remember well, I’ve lost a bet just yesterday, meaning I have to do something nice for you… It’s my turn to surprise you!”

After a few more kisses…more like a lot more kisses, Camila finally detangled herself from Lauren’s embrace.

“Come on, move it, woman! I’ve got plans!”

While Lauren was in the shower she went to gather all she needed and left a hefty tip to the hotel manager who had helped her prepare things while they were out. Once everything was in the trunk, she went to het Lauren, but stopped at the door, freezing at the sight of Lauren in just her underwear. It was her own fault, really. She was the one who had chosen the black lacy ensemble, but god! She had no idea it could look so good!

“Fuck me.”

“Is that part of your plan? Cause from all the layers of clothes you’ve prepared for me, I wouldn’t have thought so.”

“…I’ll wait for you in the car.”

“Are you okay, love?”

“You’re doing bad things to my self-control…Just get dressed before I decide to stay in for tonight.”

God, she was killing her! How could someone so gorgeous be hers? The desire quickly made place for some self-consciousness. What was she supposed to do with someone so gorgeous? She had no experience whatsoever, while she knew Lauren had been with both men and women in the past. She was suddenly feeling inadequate, like she wasn’t enough. What was Lauren even doing with her?

Her self-depreciating thoughts were cut short by the entrance of Lauren in the car

“Can I know what my surprise is now?”

Lauren saw through Camila the second she turned to her.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing! Let’s go to your surprise!”

“No, tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s nothing…”

“It’s never nothing. You know you can tell me anything.”

“…Can it wait? It’s just…Let’s not ruin our night because of that, okay?”

“You’re telling me about it tomorrow.”

“It’s nothing important.”

“Tomorrow, love. Let’s go now, I want to know what my gorgeous girlfriend prepared for me.”

This time, Camila’s smile and blush were genuine.

“Okay, let’s go then.”

Lauren couldn’t remember ever being on a better date in her life. Camila had brought her to the beach, she had set up beach towels and blankets, and taken out a huge picnic basket out of the trunk. Thankfully it wasn’t windy, so they could just cuddle under a big blanket to appreciate the sunset. Camila had thought of everything, she had brought a bottle of champagne, some of Lauren’s favorite food, and even chocolate-covered strawberries. It wasn’t picture perfect, they had sand everywhere, and it was pretty cold once the sun was down, but she wouldn’t have changed a thing. Camila was treating her like a princess, feeding her food, massaging her shoulders, making sure to refill her champagne flute at all times, even serenading her with her guitar. Lauren would never forget that evening together, just looking at the stars and making up a perfect world of their own.

“I wish we could stop time right now.”

“Did I manage to hold up my part of the deal?”

“Yes, baby. That’s probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done to me.”

They were lying down, cuddled close to each other. Their limbs entwined to keep warm in the fresh air of the sea.

“…I wouldn’t stop time now, though.”

“No? When then?”

“Never… I never want us to stop…this. I think I’ve never felt so good, and so…me? I could never repay you for all you’re doing for me, Lo.”

“You do, though. Everyday, you give me exactly what I need, and I do the same.”

“…I love you, Lauren. I really do.”

“I know, baby. I love you too.”

Both girls were grinning like fools at each other, slowly kissing, savoring the taste and feeling of the other.

“I always thought “I love yous” were supposed to be awkward and nerve-wrecking.”

“Not when you found the right person.”

“I’m glad things went the way they did… It wasn’t all perfect, but I think we needed the good times and the bad ones to get where we are now.”

“I nearly made a move on you so many times… but I can’t say I regret not doing it sooner. I think those years gave me time to figure things out. I’m ready now.”

They started kissing again, this time with more purpose and passion. Soon, Lauren was pushing Camila on her back, and straddling her. Her mind was fuzzy with the champagne in her blood, and Camila felt good, so good against her. Her hands started wandering around Camila’s soft and curvy body, appropriating each inch of skin it was touching, tracing the lines of a map she couldn’t wait to explore.

“Lauren wait!”

Lauren stopped immediately, pushing herself up to put some distance between them.

“I’m sorry, baby. Was it too much?”

“No!...Uhm…Yes? I don’t know!”

Camila covered her face with her hands in shame. She was being ridiculous! Everytime they had five minutes, the couple would find some quiet place to make-out. This was nothing new, but at the same time it was completely different. There was no time limit this time. She was with her girlfriend on a deserted beach after a romantic date and admitting their feelings to each other… Clearly this time, things could go somewhere.

“Hey, shh, it’s okay love, we don’t have to do anything! I wasn’t…I mean I just got a little too excited, thank you for telling me once you started feeling uncomfortable. I never want you to do something if you don’t want to.”

“I’m just… I’ve never…I’m a virgin.”

“I know, baby.”

“What do you mean you know?”

Lauren had to repress a smile at Camila’s indignant face.

“I mean, I know you haven’t dated anyone seriously, so I didn’t think you would have had sex with someone.”

“I could have!”

“My romantic little bean that cries in front of the notebook and write poetry about the sun and the moon? I mean, it’s not impossible, but I know that’s not how you would have wanted things to be for your first time.”

Camila didn’t really know what to answer to that. Lauren was right, really! It’s not like some guys hadn’t proposed to “help her out with her little problem” before, but she had never taken a second glance at them.

“…How many people have you been with?”

Lauren knew better than to be offended by the phrasing of the question. She rolled on her side, and moved Camila so she could face her.

“2. My first time was with Luis, and then there was Lucy-”

“Lucy?!”

“We were experimenting…We tried dating for a bit, but we realized pretty soon that we were just better off as best friends. She’s been tanning my ass for months to finally make a move on you, so don’t give me that jealous pout.”

“You went out with a model!”

“I’m more into Cuban booty girls.”

Camila still pouted a bit, but Lauren wouldn’t have that, and kept kissing her all over her face and telling her how much she loved her.

“I can’t really pretend I’m not glad I’ll be your first, though… I wish you could say the same.”

“Well I mean, at least one of us will know what they’re doing…”

“Hey! It’s going to be amazing either way!”

“You don’t know…Maybe I’ll suck at it, and you won’t ever want to see me again…”

“Take that off your pretty head! There’s no expectations, it’s just about making each other feel good, love. To be honest, you drive me crazy just by kissing me, sex with you might actually kill me! And there’s no rush, we can take all the time we need to get there. I’ve got you, and that’s all I need.”

“…Could you stop being perfect for a second? It’s distracting honestly…”

“Come here, baby.”

Lauren made Camila straddle her, letting her guide the kiss this time. Camila felt a lot lighter now, and again she couldn’t believe how easy that talk had been in the end. She put all her gratefulness in her kiss, her hands tangling up in Lauren’s soft hair.

“I love you.”

“Love you too, baby.”

Camila nuzzled back against Lauren’s neck, happy to just take in the moment for a bit, her mind only focusing on Lauren telling her about the myths behind the constellations shining so brightly above them.

Chapter Text

Lauren was awakened by something tugging at her shirt, a movement soon followed by whimpers and sniffles. Disturbed by the sudden unknown feeling, Lauren was quick to open an eye to find the source of the disturbance. She couldn’t help a smile at the sight of her baby trying to nuzzle into her chest, until she felt little tears smear on her skin.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

Camila jumped at the sound, and only started crying harder, needing her mama to do something.

“Shh, calm down, love. What do you need?”

That didn’t help, instead Camila became even more agitated, and started tugging harder on her shirt. Feeling a bit more awake, Lauren decided to take off her shirt to see if that would appease the wiggling thing on her chest. The second it was out of the way, Camila was latching onto her breast, suckling in earnest.

“There, baby…You just wanted to nurse, huh?”

Camila, yet again, didn’t answer, just kept on suckling slowly calming down. Her latch was pretty strong, and soon enough, it was getting uncomfortable. Gently, Lauren sat back against the headboard and pried Camila’s mouth from her, which of course only made Camila cry harder again.

“Shh, I know you want to nurse, baby, but you need to do it a bit gentler, you’re hurting mama. Come here, gently, okay?”

Lauren put her hand on Camila’s cheek to make her latch back, and kept eye-contact the whole time. Camila was hesitant at first, feeling bad for hurting mama, but a few couple coddling words later, she was latching back on normally.

“There, that’s better, isn’t it?”

Camila just closed her eyes, focusing only on the presence of her mama everywhere around her. She brought up her hand holding Bobby, and started rubbing his ear between Lauren’s breasts, the way she would do against her own nose.

“Is Bobby joining in the snuggle, too?”

This time Camila nodded in answer, which was a bit of a relief to Lauren who was not used to Camila going non-verbal this way. The little girl was still sniffling a bit, and her body was still shaken by the remnants of her crying, but she looked much more at peace now. Lauren reached for a tissue on the bedtable and had Camila unlatched to her great displeasure.

“Shh, you’ll nurse back in a second, but let’s clear out this little nose, okay? Blow, baby.”

Camila hesitated for a second, the tissue already situated on her nose.

“Come on, blow for mama.”

This time, she did as she was told, but gently.

“Harder, baby.”

Reassured that it was all good, Camila blew her nose correctly, and even let Lauren gently wipe her nose and her cheeks afterward. The second it was done, she was back at nursing and gently rubbing Bobby against Lauren.

“Will you tell mama what happened? Why is my baby so sad?”

The baby in question just looked up at her with drooping puppy eyes, unwilling to unlatch yet again.

“Okay, go to sleep baby, we’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

Camila finally let her eyes shut, lulled by nursing, and the combination of Lauren’s hands lightly scratching her back and patting her butt.

When the girls woke up again, Lauren was surprised to see that they hadn’t moved at all during the rest of the night. Well, it wasn’t a surprised, more than once during the night, she had been lightly awakened by her baby latching back on and suckling for a couple minutes before falling back asleep, more than anything she should have been surprised that she wasn’t sore! It was great news, though. It meant Camila had had a good night of restful sleep, and that she would have the energy necessary for the next consecutives 2 weeks of touring coming up. Just thinking about it saddened her a bit. They would hardly have anytime to let Camila go in littlespace. There were always ways to sneak around to spend some moments in private, but hardly ever enough for Camila to be little, which is why she hadn’t planned anything specific for their Sunday. They could just enjoy some time together without restrictions.

Camila’s first reflex as she woke up, was to nuzzle back into Lauren’s breast and try to suckle.

“Morning, my love! I think mama’s breasts need a bit of rest, how about we take paci for a bit, huh?”

Once paci in mouth, Camila just snuggled back against her breast.

“Well…I guess that’s a solution!”

It was a slow morning, they stayed cuddling in bed for a long while in silence, just soaking in the moment.

“Mama’s gonna prepare your baba, okay?”

Camila whined at that, and snuggled further into her body so that she couldn’t get up.

“Come on, baby. I’ll be right back, and I’ll even add some banana to your shake okay?”

“’Nana shake?”

 Lauren had to refrain to coo at the sound of her cute sleepy voice muffled by her paci.

“Yes, baby. Will you let mama go make it?”

Begrudgingly, Camila let Lauren get up, scurrying back to her warm spot on the bed the second she was up. Camila didn’t like this one bit. Sure, mama’s perfume was on the pillow, but it wasn’t the same. She wanted her to be back here, now! Next thing, she was up on her feet, walking toward Lauren with extended arms and teary eyes.

“Oh, baby…It’s okay! Come here, we’ll make it together.”

Lauren pulled her on her hip, and peppered kisses on her neck until she was calm again. She jovially explained step by step what they were doing, even asking for Camila to help when the action needed two hands. By the time they were back in bed, Camila was in a far better mood.

“Is it good, baby?”

Camila grabbed the bottle back in her hands, and pointed it at Lauren’s mouth for her to try. The action had Lauren chuckle, gosh she was so cute!

“Open mama.”

She obediently did so, and took a few gulps as Camila held the bottle for her.

“Hmm, delicious!”

“More?”

“No, I’m good, baby, thank you. Mama needs to leave some space for her breakfast.”

Camila drank the rest of her bottle without fuss, and quietly started playing with her Play-Doh once Lauren prepared everything for it on the table.

“I’m going to go get our breakfast, love. Okay? I’ll be back in five minutes.”

“Mamaaaa! No!!”

Lauren just had the time to turn around before her little girl was rushing toward her legs.

“Baby! I’ll be right back!”

“Noooo…”

Lauren grabbed Camila’s face. The poor little thing was already crying.

“Why not, baby? How are we going to get breakfast, then?”

“No breakfast…Mama can have on of my shakes.”

“But mama wants coffee and croissants…”

“Nooo…”

Lauren didn’t really know what to do. She didn’t know what had provoked this reaction.

“Do you want to come with me?”

“…Yes.”

“Alright, let’s put you into some pants and a jacket, then!”

“No! No pants!”

“Camila, you are not going outside without pants.”

“But mamaaa…”

“No, either you put on some pants, or I’ll go on my own.”

After that, Camila resigned herself, and let Lauren help her into some pants and shoes with a pout before putting on one of Lauren’s jacket. Once at the door, Camila asked to wait outside, it wouldn’t be long so Lauren agreed without thinking. It had been pouring all night, and the air was still a bit chilly, but Camila was bundled up enough to not catch a cold from waiting outside for 2 minutes.

She quickly went in, and grabbed everything they needed, before going back outside.

“Karla Camila, may I know what you’re doing?”

“Splashies?”

“Come back here right now, and don’t you dare jump into another puddle!”

She was drenched. Her shoes were even squelching as she was walking tentatively toward Lauren.

“Who said you could go play in the puddles? You’re wearing All-stars and leggings, Camila!”

“But you didn’t say I couldn’t!”

“Sure, that’s surely why you just asked to stay outside instead of going in with me without asking if you could go jump in puddles. Because you just knew I would say yes, right?”

Camila stayed silent, shamefully looking at the ground as they made their way back to the room.

“Take off your clothes.”

“…Mama help?”

“If you were big enough to decide to act up, you’re big enough to take off your own clothes, Camila.”

“…Please, mama.”

“No. Then I want you to dry yourself with a towel and put on warm socks.”

Lauren stayed firm, and decided to start eating her breakfast to focus on something else than the pitiful sniffles of her little girl.

“…I’m dry, mama.”

“Good, now go in the corner.”

“But mama!”

“Go. To. The. Corner. And I want you to think about what you did, and what you should have done instead.”

Instead of complying, Camila decided to throw a fit, first deciding to stomp her feet, and then, when Lauren tried to grab her arm, just letting herself fall on her butt on the ground crying.

“Camila, one.”

Camila just started to roll around kicking around.

“Two. You really don’t want to me to reach three, so you better stop this right now. My baby is not a brat, you can either go to the corner to calm down and think, and then come to mama to explain, or mama can make this day a lot less fun than it should be for you.”

That made Camila stop thrashing, she was still crying on the floor, but at least the fit was over.

“Last chance, Camila.”

Camila pitifully got back up and ran to the corner. Lauren had to force herself to stay at the table instead of going to her baby, but it had to be done. She couldn’t let Camila act out like this, apart from the fact that she could have gotten sick, she had been playing on a parking lot, and she was sure that Camila wasn’t looking around to make sure no cars were coming her way. If Camila was testing her, she wasn’t going to cave, especially not today where she seemed so vulnerable and sensitive.

“Are you ready to come out, baby?”

“Yes, mama.”

“Then come here.”

Camila rushed in her arms, straddling her lap and going to nuzzle her neck.

“I’m sorry, mama…”

“Explain to mama what happened.”

“I shouldn’t have gone play splashies…”

“Did you think I would have said yes if you had asked?”

“…No. That why I didn’t ask…I never was allowed to play in the puddles…”

“Baby, where were the puddles?”

“…Outside?”

“No baby, where particularly outside?”

“The parking lot…”

“Yes, on the parking lot, with cars coming and going all the time.”

“I’m sorry, mama.”

“I know baby. What should you have done, then?”

“…Not go play in the puddles…but I really liked it, though.”

“You should have asked me. We could have gotten some rubber boots and a pair of jeans, and we could have found somewhere safe for you to play, instead you decided to willfully disobey and put yourself in danger.”

“…Mama? Can we go play splashies, then?”

“No baby. Next time you’ll remember to ask me if you want to do something. If it’s not harmful to you and you’ve been good, there’s no reason for me to say no.”

“But I didn’t know that!”

“Well now you know!”

Camila tried all her tricks: pouting, making puppy eyes, even crying a bit, but Lauren never caved.

“Camila, why don’t you go play with your Play-Doh instead?”

“But I want to play splashies!”

“Karla Camila! If you ask again, I swear you won’t be able to sit for a week when I’ll be done with you, am I clear?”

“But mama!”

One quick swat at her behind did wonders to her behavior. After that, Camila quietly went back to playing with her Play-Doh, and finally decided to stop pestering Lauren.

“…Mama? Can you play with me?”

Camila’s voice was hesitant. She knew she hadn’t been the best behaved little girl, but she wanted mama close.

“Sure, love!”

They played for nearly an hour, Camila ending up in Lauren’s lap, watching mesmerized as mama was making up a story from all the little shapes they had made. She even clapped excitedly at the end, when Lauren had the two princesses kiss.

“And they lived happily ever after…”

“Did they have puppies?”

“Yeah, probably like two.”

“And bunnies?

“Yes, but only one, the best one, that they named Bobby.”

Lauren tickled her side a bit, never getting enough of Camila’s little giggles.

“Come on, time for lunch!”

“’m not hungry yet, mama.”

“Nope, little girl, no more playing with Play-Doh, it’s time to eat.”

“But mama!”

“I’ll even let you pick.”

Hard bargain…Camila looked back at the table, and all the things she could still do with it…but then it wasn’t exactly everyday she was allowed to pick whatever she wanted from the menu!

“Okay, but I want dino-nuggets.”

“Deal. But I want all of that put away, missy.”

Like a well-oiled machine, Camila cleaned up her mess while Lauren ordered for them, and they ate as soon as it arrived, both famished after waiting 20 minutes to be delivered. The meal also went as expected:

“Camila stop stealing my fries, you have your own!”

“Don’t you think it’s funny that they make T-Rex dino-nuggets? I mean chickens come from T-Rex so basically they are prehistoric-chicken-shaped chicken nuggets.”

“...Camila don’t eat your mac-n-cheese with your fingers!”

“You shouldn’t eat so many vegetables, mama. It’s bad for your soul.”

Once they were done, Camila went to grab Bobby and her paci. Lauren didn’t mention it, but from the way her baby kept rubbing her eyes, naptime was near.

“Do you want to watch Adventure Time with me, baby?”

She only got a sleepy nod and raised arms in answer.

“Okay, Come here, we’ll get comfy in bed.”

To her great surprise, Camila just wouldn’t nod off. No cuddling, gentle pats and strokes seemed enough to put her down this time. As a last resort, she decided to warm up a bottle of milk.

“How about we drink some baba, love?”

“Nooo…”

“Shh, just some warm milk, baby. It will make you feel better.”

“No nap, mama!”

Camila was already getting upset, her breath catching around the lump in her throat that threatened to have her burst in tears at any moment.

“But look how tired you are, baby! We could cuddle with Bobby, and just close our eyes for a little bit…”

Camila just shook her head, suckling harder on her paci.

“Are you afraid of having a nightmare, baby? Is that what happened last night?”

Camila refused to answer, or rather she didn’t think she had the strength for such a big one. Instead, she whined, and gently pushed the bottle away from her.

“You don’t have to take your baba, but you’re taking a nap, babygirl.”

“NOOO!”

This time she truly started sobbing.

“Why not, baby? You always like your naps, and I’m going to be right here with you! Explain to mama, use your words, baby.”

Lauren plucked the paci out of her mouth, but tenderly soothed her by stroking her cheek with her hand. Her baby was a sniffling mess.

“N-no nap, m-mama.’

“Camila…”

Answering was hard, but she knew she didn’t have much of a choice.

“I wanna spend time with mama…”

“But mama’s right here, my love. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Nooo… I want to be little, mama…”

Her words were a bit confusing, but Lauren thought she knew what she meant.

“…So you don’t want to take a nap so you can spend more time with mama before we go back to the bus, is that it?”

Camila shyly nodded, hiding her face against her neck. Lauren beat herself up for not seeing it sooner. Camila had been clingy all morning, requesting her attention and help in all things. And to be honest, the same thought had been turning in her own mind all day.

“It’s going to be okay, baby…”

Camila just whined, no it wasn’t okay. She knew how busy the next weeks would be, meaning they would have no times for this, and she had no idea how she would deal with this.

“You’ll have to tell me mama if it becomes too hard. Mama will do her best to fix it, okay?”

“…There won’t be time.”

“We’ll make it, then. We put our important needs first, love. Always. Now, what my baby needs is a good nap so she’ll have plenty of energy for the rest of the day.”

Camila still whined and cried some pitiful tears, but in the end, a few suckles into her bottle, and she was out for the next two hours.

This time, when she woke up, there was no demand to nap any longer. Even if Lauren’s words had appeased her a bit, Camila counted on making the most out of their last moments here. Her toys were all on the floor, and she kept going from one to the other under Lauren’s watchful gaze.

“You can play all you want, but my baby better clean up all her mess once she’ll be done, understood?”

“Yes, mama! Come play!”

Their afternoon was filled with giggles and smiles, none of them able to conceive how lucky they were to have found each other. Lauren couldn’t have been more in love with her baby, bothering her mid-play to take some pictures with her because she couldn’t get enough of how cute she was trudging on the floor with her little paci. Smart enough to not take any risks, she put them under a locked file to be sure that those private shots could only be gazed upon by herself whenever she wanted.

“Mama! No pictures, play with me!”

And so she did, letting Camila lead, playing house with all the stuffies, coloring with her, or building houses in Play-Doh.

“We’ll have our own house one day baby.”

“Really? And we’ll have puppies?”

Lauren couldn’t help but chuckle at Camila’s innocent question.

“Sure, baby. How about just one, though?”

“Or we could take Dashy with us! He’s a good puppy.”

“Yes, he is.”

After talking some more about their future house, and the bouncy house Camila wanted in their garden, Lauren decided it was time to clean up.

“But mamaaa! I’m not done playing!”

“It’s about to be dinner time, love. No more playing for now.”

“But I want to play more!”

“I know my love, and you’ll get to play later.”

“But when??”

“I guess, you’ll have to clean up to find out! I’ll be in the bathroom, so you better start right now!”

Camila huffed and puffed, but one last warning from her mama made her start cleaning. She put all the play-doh away, watchful to not mix up the colors, then did the same with her crayons, putting everything away in her little backpack. She still had her stuffies out and her perplexus, but when she grabbed it, the little ball fell down. She had reached further than ever before, and now it was all gone! Sure that she could do it again, she started over. Surely it wouldn’t take long, right?

“Camila. What did mama say to do while she was in the bathroom?”

Uh-oh.

“I’m sorry mama, I swear I was cleaning up! See? But the ball fell, I just wanted to put it back where it was!”

“…Is that why you’re surrounded by all your other stuffies, and that Bobby is holding onto the mini one?”

“They wanted to watch, and Bobby said he wanted to try, too!”

Lauren kept her composure with difficulty, clearly Camila had been more than a little sidetracked by her game once again. In all fairness, she had indeed cleaned up the rest.

“Alright, baby. But now I want you to put it back in the bag, and to put the stuffies on the bed. It’s time for your bath.”

Camila did so excitedly. She had completely forgotten about the bath toys she had gotten at the aquarium, and was now more than eager to try them out!

“Take off your clothes, baby.”

“No! Mama do it.”

“Okay, come here, munchkin.”

Camila let Lauren take out her clothes, helping her along the way. Lauren then pulled her in her arms, and lowered her slowly into the warm water.

“Look at all the fishies, mama!”

“I know, baby! Now remember, no splashing mama, and don’t put water everywhere, okay?”

Lauren stayed by her side, letting her play for a little while before deciding it was time to clean up. She prepared a foamy loofah and handed it to Camila.

“Come on baby, lather up.”

“You do it, mama.”

“You’re sure baby?”

 “Mamaaa!”

“Alright, bossy pants!”

Apart from having to swat away her hands trying to reach for her toys a few times, Lauren was able to clean her up pretty efficiently and without a hitch. She turned back on the water to start cleaning her hair, the second her hands were in her hair, Camila stopped all activity and just closed her eyes. There were hardly any feeling better than this to the little girl apart from nursing. The way Lauren would lightly scratch at her scalp felt so good, she would sometimes let out some please hums or moans.

“My baby sure likes to get her hair cleaned.”

“It’s the best.”

Far too soon for Camila, it was all over, her hair now cleaned and conditioned.

“You can play some more if you want baby, I’ll go order dinner. But don’t get up, if you need anything, call for me! We wouldn’t want to reenact you accident last time you feel in the bathtub, right?”

“Yes, mama.”

All the while she was ordering, Lauren could hear excited giggles coming from the bathroom, making her only more anxious to go back to her baby. Upon opening the door, thoug, her glee was soon overshadowed by exasperation.

“Camila! What did I say about putting water everywhere?”

“Not to do it, but it’s not everywhere mama!”

“Oh really?”

“…No? Just on the mirror!”

“Mind explaining to me why you decided that the mirror wasn’t part of the rule?”

“…The first time was an accident, I grabbed the otter and it squirted all over the mirror.”

“And then?”

“…Well…It was already wet, and I needed a target, so… I thought it was okay to keep using it.”

“Was it?”

“…No mama, sorry.”

“You’ll be forgiven once you’ll have cleaned up the mirror, it’s not fair to have the cleaning lady clean up your mess. Time to get out, now.”

“But I want to keep playing, mama!”

“You should have thought of that before breaking the rules. The one by accident was okay, you didn’t mean to, but what you did after was certainly not. Out now, baby. Get up.”

“No!”

“You could also go to the corner and then get a spanking before cleaning the mirror. Your choice.”

“…Okay…”

With a sad pout, Camila let Lauren wrap a towel around her and lift her out of the bath. She still didn’t let go of her once on the ground. She hadn’t meant to be bad, she was just playing. She didn’t want mama to be mad at her.

“I’m sorry, mama.”

“I know, my love.”

“Can you help me put on my PJs?”

“Of course, let’s go!”

Lauren put a dry towel on the bed, before laying Camila on it. The little girl reached for Bobby and her paci as soon as she was situated, letting Lauren manipulate her into her underwear, bodysuit and socks.

“Go take care of the mirror now, baby.”

Camila stayed blissfully unaware of her words, too involved into her cuddle session with Bobby. Lauren gently tried to pluck him out of her arms.

“BO-booo!” (pronounces Bow-bow, courtesy of @Little-Nugget- )

“Bobby is staying with me until you’ve cleaned up the mirror, baby. Come on! Up!”

Camila still reached out her arms, eyes glazed over by in-coming tears.

“Mama, want Bo-bo!”

“You’ll have him as soon as you’ll be done.”

“…Promise?”

“Yes, I’ll even pinky-swear it!”

They locked eyes as their pinkies did the same, and finally Camila nodded and hurried to the bathroom. In the meantime, Lauren kept Bobby in her arms, and sprayed some more of her perfume on it.

“Mama? I’m done!”

Lauren went to check, and was proud to see that Camila had really applied herself to the task, and the mirror was dry, and had no trace left.

“Good job, baby!”

Camila was preening under Lauren’s proud gaze.

“Such a good girl, here, you can have Bobby back. It’s all forgiven, but you better not do it again, alright?”

“Yes, mama.”

Camila’s eyes went wide in delight when she put Bobby back to her nose.

“Bo-bo smells like you, mama!”

“Bobby was feeling fancy, I put some perfume on him.”

Without a word, Camila grabbed her hand, and made them climb on the bed to lie down, snuggling up close to Lauren. Camila’s hair was still wet, so Lauren covered them with the pink blanket to keep her warm. They were playing around, Lauren making Bobby hop on Camila’s stomach while singing.

“Hop little bunny, hop! Hop! Hop! Hop little bunny, hop! Hop! Hop! Hop little bunny, hop! Hop! Hop! Hop little bunny, hop and stop!”

Lauren would always make Bobby stop in a silly position and go back to sleep to Camila’s delight. All her baby’s focus was set on her stuffy that she watched excitedly hop around with slightly droopy eyes, and that she never failed to giggle at whenever it would go back to sleep.

Their little game was soon interrupted by someone knocking at the door, making Camila jump.

“Shh, it’s just dinner, love. Mama will go get it, just stay under your blanket so you won’t get cold.”

Camila eagerly did so, unwilling to be seen in her current situation. Even once she heard the door close and Lauren rummage through the room, she stayed under her blanket, just enjoying its softness and warmth. Maybe also a little bit because she was getting tired, but she would never admit it!

When Lauren finally pulled the cover away from her, she caught her mid-yawn, her little fists rubbing her eyes. The good thing, though, was that it earned her some kisses on her fists and cheeks, and that felt really good.

“I think I really chose well, ’cause my baby is a sleepy little bunny.”

“No mama!”

“Yes, she is! Come here, love.”

Though she didn’t agree with Lauren’s statement, Camila still folded herself around her mama like she was told to.

“Open up!”

Camila was surprised to be presented with her bottle, but one gulp in it made a lot more sense. Lauren had ordered her some sort of vegetable velouté soup that was smooth enough to pass through the opening of the teat. She eagerly started to suckle it down, feeling incredibly satisfied. Mama even gently rocked her, and hummed to her, all the while rubbing her tummy, she was in heaven, and it only solidified her will to not fall asleep just yet. She wanted to enjoy this moment for as long as she could.

“How come this bottle is empty, and my baby is still awake?”

“’not sleepy time yet, mama.”

“No?”

“Nuh-huh.”

“Well, I guess I’ll have some company for dinner then!”

Camila, being the clingy baby she was, refused to even let go of Lauren to walk to the table, so Lauren kept her in her arm as she got up. The sudden movement made Camila burp without being able to hold it back. She turned scarlet, and covered her mouth in surprise.

“That was a good one, baby.”

“Mamaaa!”

“You don’t need to be so embarrassed, love. You can’t help it, it’s the bottle. Makes you gulp down air. Mama should start patting your back after bottles, wouldn’t want my baby to get belly aches!”

“Nooo!”

“That’s not up to you, little one! Now stop pouting.”

Lauren picked up the burrito she had ordered for herself, and started eating it, her baby still straddling her lap with her face hidden against her neck. She got over her embarrassment soon enough once the appetizing aroma of the burrito came to her nose.

“Can I please have some, mama?”

“Sure, baby. Mama will hold it for you, take a bite.”

 Their dinner went on this way: Camila sometimes opening her mouth to ask for a bite, or just reaching with her fingers to reach for a piece of chicken or a bean. Sure, mama would try to swat her hand away, but she was quick. She would also nibble on it while Lauren was biting on it herself.

“Can’t you just wait for a second, baby?”

“But mama!”

“If you keep up with those “but mamas”, mama will seriously consider taking care of your butt.”

“But mama, you love me!”

“And I also love your butt. Especially having my hands all over it, so be careful.”

Camila started laughing hysterically, mocking Lauren for liking to “touch the butt.”

“Mama, can we watch Nemo?”

“No baby, no screen before bed, you know that.”

“Just this once!”

“Nope. No exceptions.”

“But mamaaa…”

“Camila…”

“…Sorry…”

“How about mama tells you the real story of Bobby instead?”

“What story, mama?”

“Let’s go to bed, and mama will tell you all about it.”

She walked them back there, turning off all the lights but the ones by the bed, and settled them under the covers, with the pink blanket bundled up near Camila as usual. Seeing how exhausted Camila looked, she thought she could try to put her baby to sleep directly. With gentle movements, Lauren put her paci back in her mouth, letting her thumb hook though the handle so her hand could stroke her cheek while she peppered the other with kisses.

“Mama…Nooo…”

“Aw, is my baby feeling sleepy?”

“…No!”

“How about you try to close your little eyes, love?”

“I want Bo-bo’s story!”

“Okay, we’ll read a bit, then.”

Lauren grabbed the book from her purse. She had received it this morning at the reception, but Camila’s little adventures in the puddle had made her forget about it. The book was made by the same company making her stuffy, and Lauren had bought it right after Bobby, thinking it might be a good trick to put her baby to sleep. Pulling Camila on her side against her, she settled the book against her stomach and started reading:

“The magic bunny. Deep in the night, when you’re eyelids are shut, when you’ve drunk all your bottle, and you’re safely tucked up, you might thing that bunny does just the same, snoring big and loud like an old steam train, but when you close your eyes, there’s no need for fright, because bunny’s job, is to keep you safe at night…”

“Bo-bo protects from nightmares?”

“Yes, love. Bobby and I will protect you.

“…Okay…”

Lauren watched Camila close her eyes, and pull Bobby a bit closer to her. In a matter of seconds she was out. Lauren let out a loving chuckle, she hadn’t even reached the end of the little picture book. She put the book back in her bag, and nuzzled into Camila’s hair, letting the sweet baby shampoo smell also lull her to sleep.

Chapter Text

The drive back to the bus had been heartbreaking. Even now, days later, Lauren could still hear Camila’s quiet sobs. Lauren had done all she could to reassure her, but nothing seemed to appease the small girl. She had stopped crying altogether about 10 minutes before they were supposed to arrive, giving her just enough time for the evidence of her tears to disappear. It was a bit scary how accurate her timing was, and it made Lauren wonder how often she had done it.

The second she was out of the car, Camila’s mask was back in place, looking as if she was ready to take on the world with just a sweet smile. Lauren knew that mask only too well, it was the same one Camila had hidden behind for months before her accident. Sadly, Lauren couldn’t react right away the way she wanted to, as the girls had rushed toward them already, excited to know what they had done this weekend.

Days were flashing by as fast as they seemed to be dragging. Their tight schedule hardly gave them time to steal kisses during the day, and their exhaustion at night made it difficult to do more than just cuddle up before falling asleep right away. It didn’t stop Lauren from trying to make the most of those moments: giving her her paci, offering to make her a bottle, reading or singing to her, or sometimes just giving her tummy rubs or gentle pats to put her to sleep. Those times were short, and progressively Camila started refusing them more and more often.

Worse, if Camila had no problem falling asleep, it didn’t mean that she was sleeping particularly well. Every morning, Lauren would wake up to an empty bed, Camila’s side already cold with Bobby tucked under the covers. Those were the kind of small details that proved to Lauren that Camila wasn’t having second thoughts about being her baby like she had feared at first, but that she was struggling to repress that part of her for so long. More often than not, she would wake up and feel a soreness in her breasts that she was now familiar with, she hated how deep she could sleep when she was really tired, but she was glad her baby still came to her when she needed her the most.

Sadly, just as Lauren expected, after a week she could already spot all the signs of the young girl’s exhaustion: dark bags under her eyes, smaller attention span, loss of appetite, mood swings, short temper… The list went on and on and on, and had for main consequence to…well for lack of a better term, to turn Camila into a brat. She was professional at all times during concerts, rehearsals or interviews, but once that was done, she couldn’t contain it, it seemed.

“I swear to god, Lauren, you have to do something about Camila, or I might have to spank her myself!”

“What did she do this time, Mani?”

“Well, as usual she let her shoes right in front of the door, and I tripped on them and broke the heel of my shoe! When I went to look for her she had gone into hiding once again god knows where! And just now Dinah and her just squirted me with some fucking pink water! My T-shirt is ruined!”

Lauren let out a long sigh and put her book back on her bed. She’d sent multiple messages to Camila throughout the afternoon, but she had received no answers back, another new habit of hers.

“Where is she?”

“They’re hiding behind the crew’s truck. Cut by our bus, that way they shouldn’t see you coming.”

Without another word, Lauren got up, and made her way there, and indeed, the two girls were giggling away, each of them holding a little squirter otter.

“Okay, you were right, that was fun, but we should go, it’s getting late. Mani’s probably mad, I should go tell her the water doesn’t actually stain.”

“No! Let’s do this a bit longer!”

“…It’s getting cold, Chancho.”

“It’s fine!”

“We’ll do it again some other time!”

“But I want to stay!”

“You should go back inside, or at least put on a jacket.”

“Leave me alone, Dinah! I don’t need you to tell me what to do!”

“I’m just trying to help, god!”

“Well I don’t need your help!”

Lauren decided to cut into their conversation.

“No. You surely don’t need anybody’s help to get in trouble, do you Camila?”

Both girl jumped, and turned around, getting face to face with a very unamused Lauren.

“Hey! Ralph, how you doin’?”

“Go back inside, DJ. And go apologize to Normani.”

“Right, yeah… Imma do that! Later Chancho!”

“Camila, let’s go.”

If Dinah had been quick to obey, clearly it wasn’t going to be the case with Camila.

“Camila…”

“No.”

“What did you just say?”

“I said no, Lauren.”

Lauren had been nice and patient, she thought that she should just give her some time and maybe some space when she needed it, and it would be alright… Well, clearly she was wrong, and she could see it now. Camila was provoking her. She was doing all this on purpose: not answering messages, disappearing for hours without telling anyone where she was, pulling pranks and fits; they were all to get Lauren’s attention. After a quick check to see that nobody was around, Lauren went to stand right behind Camila.

“Oh no, baby. You don’t get to play your big girl card, now. What did mama say to do if it became too much?”

Camila stayed stubbornly silent, going as far as to cross her arms in front of her and refusing to turn around. Lauren looked around again, the chances of them being seen were actually pretty much non-existent, which is probably why the girls had chosen that spot for their prank. She used that to her advantage, and landed a sharp slap on Camila’s behind. Camila whined and turned around with an indignant face.

“What did I say, baby?”

“…Who cares…”

The words were mumbled, but still clear enough for Lauren to hear it. She hadn’t dared look Lauren in the eyes, preferring to stare at her own shoes, when she felt Lauren grab her chin, she knew she was in big trouble.

“Care to say that again?”

…But really, Camila didn’t care anymore at that point!

“I said “Who care?” Lauren.”

Camila wasn’t expecting what happened next. Lauren took out her phone, looked at it, and typed out something, before putting it back in her back pocket. Then, in one swift motion she took off her big woolen sweater and pulled it over Camila’s head.

“…What-?”

Her question was interrupted by the feeling of her pants being lowered down. Without a word, Lauren just put her jeans and underwear under her butt, before tying up her sweater so it wouldn’t hide it either.

“Lauren, what are you doing?”

“Go to the corner, little girl.”

“Are you crazy?”

“You want to act like a fool? Then you’ll look like one. Go throw that tantrum in the corner, the quicker you get there, the quicker we’ll go.”

“But someone might see!”

“Yeah? Now you care about other people’s opinion? What about when you threw a tantrum at the restaurant just because you didn’t want to share a pizza with Ally? Or even when you decided to ignore everyone all day because we didn’t have time to stop by the park? Or when you would disappear and no one could find you for hours, huh? Did you care then? Or just now! Did you care that people would probably not be very amused by being sprayed with water in the middle of the night?”

Camila was already reduced to tears. She knew how bad she had been behaving, but it had gotten to the point where she didn’t know what else to do.

“I’m sorry, mama!”

“Go to the corner, baby. I’m putting my foot down, this is stopping right now.”

Lauren walked with Camila to the corner. Though the chances of being found were low, she would not take a stupid risk. Camila was her priority, and she would make sure things went the way she wanted them to.

“You’ll stay here for five minutes. I don’t want to hear a sound coming from you.”

When Lauren’s phone rang, she checked it before putting it back in her pocket again.

“I need to go get something, it’s right around the corner, so I need you to stay put. Can you do that for me?”

“…Mama, no, stay, please!”

“Mama needs you to be good and mind her. Count to 20 Mississippis and I’ll be back, alright?”

Lauren made it back in 15, she sent a quick ‘thank you’ to Normani once she was standing behind Camila again. When her phone rang again, it was the clock indicating the five minutes were up. Lauren pulled up Camila’s pants, and grabbed her hand. Camila didn’t question it, greatly humbled down by her little time out. Walking a step behind Lauren, she finally realized that Lauren was now holding her denim backpack with banana prints on it, the bag in which all her little stuff was hidden. She felt tears of relief well up in her eyes. Mama was going to take care of this, she was going to make it better.

Lauren led her to one of the recording booths of the music center. That actually had been her plan all along, hence the numerous messages she had sent Camila. The rooms were perfectly soundproof, and the doors could be locked. She knew just how bad her baby needed a little break, and she’d been planning this for the past two days.

“This is not how I had envisioned our evening, little one. Mind telling me why you wouldn’t answer my texts? Or better yet, when exactly you started thinking that it was okay to ignoring me?”

“…I…I don’t know, mama.”

“Lying is not a very wise decision right now, Camila.”

“…I was mad, mama.”

“Why?”

“…I-I needed you.”

“What did mama tell you to do if you needed me?”

“To come to you…”

“Exactly, and instead of coming to me like the good girl you are, you decided to disobey and to make bad decisions to get your mama’s attention.”

“No, mama!”

“What did I say about lying?”

“I didn’t mean to!”

Camila could feel herself getting angry.

“It’s all your fault!”

Feeling overwhelmed and mad again, Camila pushed Lauren.

“Camila…”

“You said it was going to be okay, and it’s not!”

She pushed Lauren again.

“I was dealing with things on my own, but now I can’t even do that anymore!”

Another push.

“I get stressed, and the only thing in my mind is that I need you!”

Lauren was now against the wall, her face impassible as Camila started pummeling at her chest with tired fists.

“I need you! I need you all the time! And I can’t have you, because there’s always people around, but all I want to do is call for you! And-and…And I get so needy, and I want my paci, and I want, no, I NEED you to hold me, and I know I can’t have it!”

Camila was now a sobbing mess, letting herself slide along Lauren’s body until she was sitting on the floor, her arms now holding tightly onto Lauren’s legs. Lauren let out a long breath, quickly wiping the tears that had made their way on her cheeks. Hitting was bad, but she knew that her baby needed to let it all out. She gently let herself slide down the wall. Camila let out sorrowful whines when she was forced to let go of her mama’s legs. Thankfully, she soon felt mama’s arms guide her into her lap and against her chest.

“…You have me all the time, baby, I’ll always be here for you… But mama can’t do anything if you don’t let her in. You can’t push me away like this, baby. How can I help if you don’t even let me near you?”

“…I-I’m so-sorry, mama!”

“I know, baby. And I know it’s hard and it’s all new, and we have plenty of things to figure out still, but I need you to talk to me when things are not okay.”

“…Mama? ...Can I be little, now?”

The question broke Lauren’s heart. Clearly, Camila had already slipped, but she needed Lauren’s approval to finally completely let go.

“Yes, my love. You just have to worry about being my good little girl now.”

They stayed unmoving on the ground for a long while, Camila finally releasing all her pent up sadness while clinging to Lauren.

“…Mama?”

“Yes, babygirl?”

“…Am I gonna get spanked?”

“No, baby. I don’t think that’s what my baby needs right now, but if you ever do it again, I’ll double your punishment.”

Camila just nodded in understanding. She could still feel her heart pound in her chest uncomfortably, it kept happening since they were back here, but Lauren’s presence helped. With tentative hands, she reached inside her backpack, happy to find Bobby waiting for her inside and her bottle filled with fresh water.

“Mama?”

She gently pushed the bottle toward Lauren’s hand with pleading eyes.

“Shh, there baby, have some water, it’s okay…Such a good girl…Mama missed her baby so much…”

Lauren couldn’t express how much of a relief it was to finally be like this with Camila again. She hated thinking that Camila might feel like she was being needy when she needed her, Lauren needed it just as much, especially during hectic weeks like those. Being able to put all her focus on someone and be the one in charge was just as calming for Lauren than letting go was for Camila.

“You’re never too needy for mama, okay baby? This goes both ways, you need me to take care of you, and I need you to need me. You’re never too much work, first priority, remember? It’s true that there are people around us a lot of the time, but the fact that I can’t do something right away, doesn’t mean I can’t arrange for us to have some time later on, okay?”

Camila never looked away from Lauren’s caring gaze, blissfully suckling while listening to Lauren’s reassuring words. After a while, Lauren took the bottle away from a very discontented Camila.

“I know baby, but here, take your paci instead.”

Camila refused the paci, and started tugging at Lauren’s shirt instead.

“Ah-ah, ask nicely baby.”

“Mamaaa…”

“Show mama how good you are baby, come on!”

“…Can I nurse please, mama?”

“That’s my good girl!”

A little tickle to her stomach made Camila’s little frown disappear. With some readjustments, Camila was nursing just a couple minutes later, softly rubbing Bobby’s ear against her nose and Lauren’s breast. Lauren let her quietly nurse for a while, gently stroking her hair and her back.

“Baby, can you tell me how you are sleeping those days?”

Camila just shrugged, unwilling to detach herself from Lauren.

“I need you to use your words, love, come on.”

Camila just shook her head, so Lauren made her unlatch.

“Mamaaa!”

“No, baby. Mama asked you a question.”

Camila stubbornly tried to tug at Lauren’s hand covering her breast.

“No, baby. You can nurse after if you want, but first I need an answer.”

“…I’m good, mama please!”

“If you lie, mama won’t let you nurse at all.”

The idea was devastating to Camila. Nursing was the only thing she still allowed herself, and being able to finally share the moment with Lauren again was indescribable. At first, the fact that Lauren stayed asleep was a blessing, it was like a guilty pleasure that she could get away with, but it couldn’t compare to actually having her mama be in the moment with her, their eyes connected.

“…I don’t sleep good, mama.”

Feeling like it was enough she tried to move her hand away again.

“How come, baby? Do you have nightmares?”

Camila just shrugged, still trying to make her way back to her spot.

“Stop it, Camila. Mama will tell you when you can nurse again, for now I need you to answer. Is it the nightmares that wake you up?”

“…Sometimes. I don’t know, some nights I just wake up after a bit, and I can’t fall back asleep. I try, though! I promise! But it doesn’t work…”

“You should wake up mama when it’s like that, baby.”

“You’ll just be tired too, mama.”

“Are you tired, baby love?”

Camila shyly nodded. Her body had just gotten used to getting good nights of sleep again, so to be deprived again so soon after was definitely taking a toll on her.

“I need you to wake me up next time, baby. We’ll both go back to sleep and none of us will be tired.”

Camila just nodded, absentmindedly fiddling with Lauren’s shirt. She wouldn’t do it. Maybe she could just try to stay in bed until Lauren woke up too, and fake sleep. It wouldn’t be so bad, except maybe on the nights where she would wake up at like 3 am, those nights would be far too long to be spent looking at the ceiling of their bunk, but maybe she could try for mama.

“Camila. Look at me, baby… You have to wake me up. If you don’t, mama will be very disappointed in you, and you will be punished, am I clear?”

Strangely, the worst part of it wasn’t the threat of a punishment, but the fact that her mama might be disappointed in her. With unshed tears filling her eyes, she solemnly nodded.

“Good girl, now I need you to tell me about your nightmares.”

The tears started to make their way down her cheeks. The sight broke Lauren’s heart, but she knew that she had to insist. She was in no way duped by Camila’s earlier dismissal, and she suspected that Camila only nursed after nightmares, and if that was the case, nightmares happened a bit more often than just “sometimes.”

Camila automatically started rubbing her eyes, images starting to plague her mind already. The last thing she wanted was to think about her nightmares, all she wanted was to be in her mama’s arms, and nurse while everything was finally quiet around them.

“Shh, I know it’s hard, my love, but mama needs to know. My baby has had a lot of nightmares this past week, hasn’t she?”

Camila’s answer was a feeble nod. She was getting upset again, and instinctively, tried to nuzzle close to Lauren’s breast. She knew she couldn’t nurse, but just the feel and smell of Lauren’s soft skin made her feel a bit better.

“Are they the same that you used to have?”

Eyes closed though tears still managed to make their way through, Camila shook her head, her chin wobbling.

“Please, baby, can you tell mama what those bad dreams are about?”

“Mama, please, no…”

“I know it’s hard, love, but you have to tell mama.

“…You…You’re gone.”

“What do you mean?”

“One way or another, you’re just…gone…Sometimes you leave, some nights I just lose you, and I can’t find you…but sometimes…”

Lauren pulled her sobbing baby closer in her arms. She hated that Camila was constantly haunted by her fear of abandonment, but she wasn’t exactly surprised. Camila had relied on herself and no one but herself for many years now, suddenly having someone telling her that they wanted to always be there for her had to be more than a little stressful. Especially since she had Camila be more vulnerable with her than she had been in years, maybe even ever as far as Camila’s own memory went! Having no one is hard, but at least you have nothing to lose, once you accept someone in your life, you’re no longer in control.

“Mama is right here, slow down baby…”

“You die, mama! Sometimes you just die, and you can’t do that! I need you, mama!”

“Shh, you’re okay, love, mama is okay too, and everything is fine…”

Lauren waited a bit for Camila’s crying and heartbeat to slow down to talk.

“That’s it, calm down, love, It’s alright…Mama’s not going anywhere, baby. I want to be right here with you, and nowhere else, and I’ll do anything to make sure it stays that way, okay?”

“…But what if it gets too much?”

“What gets too much, love?”

“Me?”

“…You’re never too much, you understand? You’re perfect baby. Camila, you’re all I ever wanted, and then some, okay?”

“…But what if one day-”

“I have a safeword, baby, remember? If it gets too much, I’ll tell you, so you don’t have to worry about this.”

“…Promise?”

“Promise, my love.”

Lauren leaned closer to her, and gave her some Eskimo kisses, taking great pride in the little giggles leaving Camila’s mouth. They nuzzled close until the silence was broken by Camila letting out a long yawn.

“How about we got to bed now, baby?”

“No, mama! Please, can I play for a bit?”

“Camila, it’s late, love…”

“But DJ won’t let me play with my lego set, mamaaa!”

Lauren was weak to that little pouty face, and agreed to let her play for half an hour.

“No longer than that, baby. When mama says it’s time to go, I don’t want to hear any whining, alright?”

Camila eagerly nodded, already opening the box. There wasn’t much time, and she still had to figure out which treehouse she wanted to build.

Once her choice was made, she started working on it right away, but the minutes were ticking by, and turned out, it wasn’t as easy as it might have looked.

“Mama! Come help me!”

“What’s the magic word?”

“Pleaaase!”

Lauren laughed at Camila’s pleading pout, kissing her head before helping her quickly build everything. With 15 minutes to spare, Camila started playing around with the two minifigures that came with it.

“Mind introducing me to your new minifigures?”

“It’s us, mama! You’re the one with the long hair, and I’m the one with the short hair, ‘cause I had short hair when I was little.”

“Oh! And what do we do in the treehouse?”

“Whatever we want, mama. It’s just us, nobody else.”

“That sounds nice.”

“Uh-huh. Nobody knows where we’re hiding, so they can’t come bother us, and we can play and cuddle all we want. Also, we eat pizza and bananas everyday, and we don’t ever need to sleep…Oh! And no spanking.”

“That doesn’t sound very healthy, and wouldn’t you feel lonely after a while?”

“No, mama, ‘cause I got you!”

“You always have me, baby, but wouldn’t you miss Dj, mani and Ally? What about Ashlee? Or your family?”

“…I guess we could go see them, but they wouldn’t be allowed to come.”

“No?”

“No, it’s our secret treehouse, mama!”

“We should build a secret treehouse in our future house, then.”

Camila’s eyes lit up with excitement at the idea. It always made Lauren’s heart soar, it was also a great reassurance to be able to talk about the future together without seeing any hesitation in Camila’s eyes. Lauren wasn’t just joking around, it was what she wanted, Camila was what she wanted more than anything for the rest of her life, and she was going to make sure to do all she could so she could deserve her.

“…But until then, it’s time to go to bed, baby! …Nope, don’t even think about starting with the “but, mamas,” we said 30 minutes, so it’s time to go.”

They packed up everything, Camila insisting on keeping Bobby in her arms, and made their way back to their bus. Upon entering, they found Mani getting a foot massage by a rather sullen Dinah.

“Well, well, well, look who’s back?”

“…Hi, Mani…”

“Hi, Camila. Anything you want to tell me?”

Camila had always found Normani intimidating even when she wasn’ trying to be…But when she was, it was pretty terrifying. She swallowed, pulling Bobby closer to her and stepping closer to Lauren. Lauren’s hand came to push her thumb away from her mouth.

“Camila, what do you have to say to Normani?”

“…I’m sorry, Mani. We shouldn’t have pranked you…”

“I also broke my heel on your shoes, Mila. This better be the last time you let your shoes lying around in the changing room.”

 Camila’ eyes filled with tears once again. She hadn’t meant for anybody to get hurt, she just tended to forget to put them away, but she would be careful from now on!

“I’m so sorry, Mani! I’ll buy you new ones, I promise it won’t happen again!”

“Don’t worry about those shoes, come here.”

Mani pulled her in a hug, and it made Camila feel better.

“Why does she get a hug, and I have to give you foot massages for a week!”

“Because it’s at least the third time this week you’ve pranked me, and the little thing here had nothing to do with it. Suck it up, DJ.”

“Come on, baby. Time to go to bed.”

Camila grabbed Lauren’s hand and followed her to put on her pajamas.

“How about you go say goodnight to the girls, love?”

Bobby still in hands, Camila rushed back to the kitchen area.

“Goodnight guys!”

“Shit, Camila!”

Normani’s reaction scared Camila, both girls were now staring at her shirt, when she finally looked at it herself, she realized it was now covered in blood.

“Lauren! Grab some tissues and come here!”

“What’s going on?”

When Camila turned around, the problem became obvious.

“Shit, baby! Come here!”

 Lauren had Camila put her head back, so the nosebleed would stop, and started wiping the blood from her face and neck.

“Are you okay, baby? Does it hurt? Did you bump against something?”

“No, she was literally just saying goodnight, and it started gushing out of her nose.”

“Camila? Baby, look at me, how do you feel?”

Camila hated nosebleed, it was one of those things with ear bleeding that made her feel really uncomfortable even just to see.

“Baby, say something, love!”

“…I don’t’ like it…”

“Does it hurt?”

Camila just shook her head, and Lauren left out a little sigh of relief.

“Okay, let’s change you out of those pajamas, baby. Come with me.

Normani watched them go with a little smile on her face. Those two were just so cute! Dinah, though, was smiling like the Cheshire cat.

“What was that look?”

“What look?”

“The look you just gave them?”

Normani raised her unimpressed eyebrow at her, but Dinah was in no way fazed by it.

“Don’t you dare lie to me Normani, I know you’re hiding something from me.”

“I’m not!”

“And now you’re lying! Speak!”

“Never!”

“I swear I’ll tickle your feet until you pee your pants if you don’t start speaking!”

“Dinah, you know we can still hear you, right? Leave Normani alone!”

Dinah just started pouting. She was going to know what was going on, one way or another!

Chapter Text

It was movie night in Ally and Normani’s bus, and Lauren was silently moping on the ground. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from the sight of Camila peacefully sleeping in Normani’s arms long enough to actually care about whatever they were supposed to be watching. It was stupid, really, she knew that it was ridiculous to feel that way, but it was her baby all the way over there in Mani’s arms where she had spent the whole evening. They weren’t even supposed to be here! Lauren had agreed to let Camila watch one movie with the girls, but then they were supposed to go to bed. But nooo! Of course, all the girls had had to turn on her and insist that they should watch the second one since Camila was already half asleep anyway.

So there she was. On the freaking floor, because Dinah had pushed her off the couch since she wouldn’t stop bumping her knee up and down. The only good thing about this was that she had now a better view on her baby, but it wasn’t exactly calming down her anxious mind. First she had had to watch Camila giggle away as Normani was doing her nails (she was the one always doing everybody’s nails for fuck’s sake!), and then watch her also brush and arrange her baby’s long silky hair in some intricate braid, but then worst of all, when she had brought back Camila’s night shake, Camila had stayed where she was, not even trying to join Lauren on the floor, and to top it all off, since she was nodding off while drinking it, Normani had ended up feeding it to her while all the girls freaking cooed. That was her job, Lauren always fed Camila her morning and night shakes. That was part of their ritual, and now Camila was all cuddled up against Mani, looking peaceful as ever.

“You doing good over there, Ralph?”

“I’m good, DJ.”

“Man, that scene when the dog dies always gives me chills!”

“Hmm…”

“Lauren, there’s no dog in this movie, sweetie. Are you okay?”

Lauren sent a glare at Dinah who was looking particularly smug at her trap, before sending a forced smile at Ally.

“Sorry, Ally. I’m just tired I think, I haven’t been paying too much attention to the movie to be honest.”

“Well, not to the movie, but-”

Lauren elbowed Dinah in her knee, which just made the girl laugh.

“Well, you can go to bed if you’re tired, honey. We can keep Camila for the night, give you a good night of rest.”

“I’m good.”

“Nonsense, honey! We still have a show tomorrow night, go get some rest, we’ve got this!”

“I’m. Good. Ally.”

Lauren then realized that her tone had been harsher than she meant, and Normani’s unimpressed stare made her backtrack.

“Sorry, Allycat. I promise I’m good, let’s just enjoy the rest of the movie, okay?”

All the girls went back to watching the movie in silence. As much as Lauren tried, she couldn’t get into it, and honestly, she had no clue about what the story was about anyway, so her eyes flew back to her sleeping little angel. It was physically painful to not have her in her arms. Her arms were tingling with how much she wanted to hold her close right now, and brush back her hair from her face. Just as she was thinking about it, Normani did it, and she couldn’t refrain the glare she sent her way, which only made the other sigh in annoyance.

Normani could feel Lauren’s eyes on her the whole evening. She could understand that Lauren might not be too pleased, but her jealousy was getting annoying pretty fast. She hadn’t meant for things to go that way, but Camila had been pretty tired those past few days, and Lauren was not fairing much better, so it had felt like an opportunity for Lauren to get some time for herself. Clearly, Lauren didn’t want any of that, but by the time she realized that, Camila was already all comfy beside her, and she didn’t want to tell her to go, and risk hurting her feelings. Camila had been sort of oscillating between her big and little self all day. It wasn’t obvious, but by now it was easy for Normani to spot the difference. Usually, in those cases, Camila tended to close up, disappear or just stay by Lauren’s side, so for once she was actually feeling secure enough to be like that around the girls, she wasn’t going to mess it up because mama bear was missing her cub.

By the time to movie ended, Dinah was already fast asleep on the couch, and it was clear that she was going to spend the night there, nobody willing to risk waking her up.

“I’m gonna go to bed, night y’all!”

“Night, Ally!”

“Goodnight!”

Normani and Lauren were now the last ones awake in the room. Lauren went to try to pull Camila in her own arms, but her baby just whined, and cuddled closer to Normani in her sleep. When Lauren went to try again, Normani put a hand on her arm.

“Lauren. It’s okay, I can keep her for the night, she’s already asleep, you’ll just wake her up if you move her.”

“I’ve got this, Normani.”

“No you don’t.”

“I know what I’m doing!”

“Quiet down, you’ll just wake her up. And don’t give me that face. I know you want your baby back, but do you really think disturbing her sleep is the right thing to do right now? She’s exhausted, you’re exhausted, just go get some rest. I’ve got her.”

“She doesn’t even have her stuff! And!...And…”

“And she’s fine. You won’t always be able to be here.”

“Of course I will!”

“Lauren Michelle, you better not be telling her that. You know just as I do that sometimes you might be separated because we’re doing promo, or just because she’s spending some time with her family! What you guys have is great, and it’s doing wonders to her, but you can’t let her be completely dependent on you.”

“Please, Mani…”

“No. She wants to stay where she is for now, but I promise that the second she asks for you, and you know just as me that she will, I’ll bring her to you, okay?”

Lauren put her hands on her face and started rubbing her eyes. She knew Normani was right, and on a good day she would have probably had no problem with that, she might have even been thankful to have such a supportive friend, but right now she was exhausted, and it took all her willpower to nod.

“Good, come help me get her settle, and then go get some rest.”

She let Normani handle Camila, while she grabbed Nala from the couch and went to get her mushroom necklace from her bag. By then, they were already situated in Normani’s bunk, and after gently putting the necklace around her neck and Nala in her arms, Lauren nuzzled close in her hair for a bit, taking in the smell of Camila and her baby shampoo.

“Okay…If she starts moving around, give her the mushroom, okay? And try to keep Nala between you two, she tends to make her fall from the bunk otherwise, and gets upset when she can’t find her, and call me if there’s anything, and I’ll come get her, alright?”

“I will. She’ll be fine, I promise. Go get some rest, girl.”

Tears were starting to brim in her eyes, it was stupid, but this was going to be their first night apart since everything, and just the thought of not having Camila close to her was filling her with anguish. She went back to put three kisses on her cheek.

“And if she starts crying in her sleep, start by turning on the light, she gets even more scared if it’s still dark, and-”

“It’s going to be okay, Lauren.”

Normani’s hand in hers helped a bit, she took a big breath, squeezed her hand one last time before letting go and leaving.

Being in the bus alone was weird. A few years back, it would have probably been paradise, moments of intimacy were rare and far in-between, but tonight it just felt miserable. She went through her night routine, and got into bed, pulling Bobby and Camila’s blanket close to her nose to try to lull herself to sleep. It only served to make her cry, the past few days had been exhausting, just as promised Camila had woken her up everynight, letting Lauren sooth the nightmares away. She knew her friends meant well, but she’d rather wake up a thousand times to Camila soft and teary calls of “mama” during the night, than have to endure being in this cold bunk all by herself.

Too worked up to just doze off, Lauren finally took out her phone and went back to look at all the pictures with her baby, soon her tears were gone, and a little smile replacing her gloomy look. They would be alright, she could be strong for her baby, because in the end she knew she would have her right back by her side eventually. On that thought, she finally fell asleep.

***

“Shh, it’s okay, Mila. Mama’s right here, see?”

The sound of her baby’s sniffles had Lauren jump out of bed in no time. A quick look at her phone showed that it was nearly 4 am.

“Hey, baby! Come here, love.”

“Mamaaa!”

Camila nearly jumped in her arms the second she saw her, holding her close and hiding away in her neck. Lauren left small kisses on her hair as she rocked her a bit, before putting her paci in her mouth and giving her Bobby.

“Shh…It’s okay, baby. Everything’s okay! Did she have a nightmare?”

“No, she just woke up, and was disoriented. She woke me up to ask for you.”

“Good job, baby! How about we go to the bathroom and then we cuddle a bit, huh? Sounds good?”

She just got a sleepy nod in answer as she walked them toward the end of the bus.

“Good girl, go to the bathroom, love. Mama will be right here.”

Lauren put her down, but Camila stayed against her a bit longer before dashing in.

“Thanks for bringing her back.”

“I told you I would.”

“Was she okay? Did she panic?”

“A bit, I guess if we do it again someday, it might be better to arrange it with her first. She just wasn’t expecting it, so it made her cry when she couldn’t find you.”

Camila came out of the bathroom, and went back to hugging Lauren.

“Let’s clear up that nose first baby, we wouldn’t want to get Bobby’s ears all dirty, right?”

Camila docilely let Lauren clean her up and blow her nose, relieved to be by her side again.

Lauren then picked her up, and pulled her with her in their bunk, settling her by her side as she grabbed her bottle of water.

“There we go, baby. Drink some water, love.”

Camila started sucking, unaware until then of how thirsty she had been.

“She’s such a cutie!”

“I know…Don’t drink too fast, baby.”

Once she was done, Lauren put her paci back in place, but Camila just spit it out.

“No, mamaaa!”

“Shh, what’s wrong, baby girl?”

Camila was getting worked up again, Mani was still with them, and she didn’t know if she could talk about that in front of her. In her frustration, she started kicking around a bit.

“No, no, no. No need to get fussy, baby! Just tell mama what you want.”

Not knowing what to do, Camila just started tugging at her shirt, and nuzzling closer to her chest. It was now clear to Lauren, her baby wanted to nurse, but she wasn’t too sure about what to do right now, her line of thinking was interrupted by Normani.

“Oh, you guys also do ANR?”

That even stunned Camila, who turned around to look at Normani who was blushing.

“Uhm…Yeah, I might have looked up a few stuff after the whole spanking assumption…”

“Oh!...Well, yeah, I mean it’s not actual nursing, like not breastfeeding but…”

“Yeah, yeah I get it! Feeling close and all that…Did I make it weird?”

“No! I just wasn’t expecting it! So…Do you mind if I?”

“Oh! No, no problem, go ahead!”

Camila was now frowning a bit, without a word, she rolled over Lauren to be the one against the wall.

“What are you doing, baby?”

Camila just started tugging at her shirt again, and nuzzled right against her breasts.

“Mine!”

Both girls started laughing at that. Lauren turned on her side to face Camila, and slightly opened her shirt that conveniently opened up front.

“They’re all yours baby, now come here.”

Camila latched on right away, eyes lost in Lauren’s emerald beams. Lauren loved those moments, Camila’s eyes on her, the feeling of her mouth suckling against her chest, her body slowly relaxing against hers, nothing could top those shared instants.

Movement caught Camila’s eyes, taking her out of the moment and making her frown a bit. Next thing, she was pulling up her blanket to be sure to hide her mama’s chest.

“Mani! No!”

Lauren detached her eyes from her baby long enough to see Mani trying to look away while blushing.

“I’m sorry! I just…I wasn’t expecting it to look so cute and intimate…”

Lauren couldn’t refrain a little chuckle at Normani’s sheepish face.

“No, I mean, you know when I first read about it I didn’t know what to think. To be honest I thought it was a bit weird, like some sort pervy kinky thing, but then I read a bit more into it, and well, people described it as this great moment of bonding that didn’t compare to anything and all that… I didn’t get it, but I think I do now.”

“Yeah…I hadn’t really considered it before. It sort of just happened one day, and yeah…It’s been pretty great for us.”

Normani softly smiled at her friend who was already looking back at her baby. There was something so special about this moment that it felt like it shouldn’t be witnessed, but at the same time it was impossible to tear your eyes away from it. Their legs entangled, Camila’s little fist holding onto her shirt to keep her close, the rhythmical sound of her suckling with her eyes closed in bliss while Lauren gently played with her hair and looked at her as if she was the 8^th wonder of the world.

“I just can’t get enough of it, it makes me feel so close to her…”

“Do you think you might want to, you know, actually do it one day?”

“If things were different, I think I would already be doing it…It’s just complicated right now.”

Normani hated the little frown now on Lauren’s face. Now that she actually understood it all better, she could see how perfect their dynamic was for them, but she couldn’t lie to herself and pretend the whole world would be as accepting and understanding.

“…You’ll have it one day. It will die down you know, it’ll get easier.”

“I’m not sure it’s supposed to be good news, Mani.”

“Well, I don’t really see myself living like this until I’m 80. Being on tour for years on end, hardly ever being home... At some point we’ll have to make some time to actually have a life, you know.”

“That actually sounds pretty good…”

“We’ll get there, and until then, you’ve got me in your corner, and the others if you ever feel like telling them. It’s going to be okay, Lauren.”

Normani tenderly brushed Lauren’s hair back, the latter getting emotional from their talk. Green eyes finally turned and stared with intensity into Normani’s.

“Thanks, Mani. Really, we’re lucky to have you, we already owe you so much.”

 “…Well you guys better remember that for my birthday! Just a private dinner with Queen B will do, don’t worry!”

Her little joke easily broke the tension, and she was glad to see Lauren laugh a bit after everything that had happened tonight.

“I’ll let you guys sleep, goodnight Lauren.”

“Goodnight Mani.”

“Night, Mila!”

“Oh, she’s already asleep.”

Normani looked at her, confused. From where she was standing she could clearly see Camila suckling against her.

“She always suckles in her sleep for a little while.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but that’s like the cutest thing I’ve ever seen her do.”

“I know…”

After staring a bit longer at the sleeping baby, Normani squeezed Lauren’s hand and went back to her own bus and bunk. 

***

When morning came, Lauren couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her baby cuddling closer to her as she whined because of the first rays of sun filtering through the curtain of their bunk.

“Time to wake up, baby!”

“Noooo…”

“Yes, baby! Last show of the eastern part of the tour!”

“M’ tired mama!”

“I know, my love, but we have to get up. We’ll sleep in tomorrow, promise!”

“Wha else, mama?”

Lauren chuckled a bit, they had this conversation every morning. It was the only way Lauren had found to make Camila get up in the morning for the past few days. She raised herself on an elbow and looked down at her baby, spread out on her back with her paci in mouth and Bobby’s ear against her nose.

“We’re gonna stay in bed until at least noon, then we’ll go rent a car, and we’ll start going south, baby.”

“All ze way to Miami?”

“Uh-huh! And we’ll stop wherever we feel like along the way.”

“Just ze two of uz?”

“Yes, love. Just the two of us!”

After that, Lauren attacked her with kisses, making her baby squeal in delight. Lauren couldn’t express how glad she was that they had had their little conversation at the beginning of the week, she finally had her baby back and soon she would have her all for herself for a whole week. They were supposed to fly back, but Lauren wasn’t ready to let her baby out of her sight just yet, so she had come up with this idea. She had always dreamt of going on a big road trip, even more once the Fifth Harmony adventure started, and the reality of their new life really set in. They had been given two weeks before starting the western leg of their tour, so they were going to spend the first one together going wherever they fancied, and then a week back home to spend some time with their family.

Camila’s grumbling stomach finally took her attention away from her thoughts.

“Come on, baby! Time for your baba.”

“Noo! Sleep, mama!”

Camila turned on her stomach, hiding her face in Lauren’s pillow. She was so exhausted! She couldn’t wait for tomorrow, she felt drained as if she had been running for miles every day.

Lauren went to prepare her bottle, adding a generous portion of banana powder to the mix.

“Come here, baby girl. I know, it’s hard, but it’s time to get up. You’ll feel better once your stomach will be full and you’ll have taken your shower.”

Just as she finished, she noticed that Camila was completely hidden under her blanket

“But where’s my baby? Camila? Oh no!”

Camila started giggling from under her blanket.

“What is this that I see? It sure looks like a booty, could it be my baby’s booty?”

Camila squealed as she felt Lauren squeeze her butt.

“That’s definitely her cute booty, it looks like my baby isn’t too far from here. If her booty is here, where does her cute face might be?...Could it be…here?”

Lauren started tickling her feet that were poking out of the blanket, making Camila burst in laughter and kick around to try to dodge her fingers.

“Mamaa!! Stop!”

“Where are you Camila? Mama can’t see you!”

“Aaah!! I’m here, mama!”

She finally pushed the blanket away from her face still laughing hysterically.

“There she is! Morning, baby! Mama thought the bed had eaten you!”

Camila just pulled her close to her, trying to lure her back to bed, but Lauren just scooped her up, and walked them to the living area where she let herself fall in the couch, making Camila giggle once again.

“Open for me, love. Time for breakfast, we’ll sleep tonight.”

With a smile on her face, Camila did just that, feeling much more awake. She loved their morning routine, Lauren always found a way to put her in a good mood and being held like that always made her feel safe and loved. Just as she was finishing, she suddenly felt the now familiar feeling of something warm trickling down her face. She hated it. It kept happening those days, and Camila was fed up with it! Tears were already burning behind her lids, and she was just too tired to hold them back this time.

“Oh, baby! It’s okay, love!”

Lauren made her straighten her position, before lowering her head and pinching the bridge of her nose so the bleeding would stop.

“I hate this!”

Great! Now some blood had went in her mouth completely ruining the sweet aftertaste of her bottle.

“I know, love. How do you feel?”

“I feel fine! That’s the worst part! I don’t get it! It’s not like I even feel it happening or anything, it just fucking happen!”

“Don’t get worked up, babe. We have a doctor appointment tomorrow, so we’ll know what’s happening.”

“I ruined your shirt.”

That observation started back her tears. It was her favorite one too, her The 1975 Heart Out Tshirt was now covered in blood.

“It’s okay, baby, it’s not ruined, we just have to clean it up right now. Come on.”

She pulled her up to her feet, and walked them to the bathroom. The fit was more than tight, but they didn’t mind. Lauren pulled the shirt over her head and doused it in cold water right away, and Camila was relieved to see that it indeed looked intact and went back to its original color.

“I’ll let you jump in the shower, ok?”

Instinctively, Camila grasped onto Lauren’s shirt. Nosebleeds were something she particularly hated, and had a knack for making her feel sick.

“I…Would you mind staying with me? I-I don’t feel too good…”

Lauren automatically raised her hand to her forehead and a worried frown started forming on her forehead.

“Not like that! It’s just…I’m not a big fan of nosebleeds…”

Camila was blushing slightly, which was even more visible with how pale she had turned.

“I’ll stay, baby.”

“You can…uhm, you can totally shower with me, if you…well, it might save us some time…and water!”

Lauren couldn’t help but chuckle at Camila’s ramblings, and decided to kiss her silent, and save her from the embarrassment.

“I’d love to shower with you, babe. Let’s go.”

Camila was always jealous of Lauren’s confidence in those moments, but she couldn’t complain too much when she had to be really, really close to Lauren’s naked body so they could fit inside the miniature shower of the bus. Being a tad bit smaller was also bearable in that moment.

“Is it the moment you finally motorboat my boobs?”

“What?”

“Sorry, didn’t want to take you off ogling the goods.”

“You’re just mad because you can’t see my butt.”

“Sorry for wanting to be treated as more than just a piece of meat!”

Camila rolled her eyes, and turned around just long enough for Lauren to get a good view, and for her to hear Lauren drop the shower gel bottle. Camila sent her a smug smile before going back to shampooing her hair and ogling her beloved puppies.

“…Rude.”

“More washing, less talking.”

“Okay.”

The next thing, Lauren started washing her instead of herself.

“Lauren! I already showered.”

“You can never be too sure, with all those dirty thoughts you might as well be dirtier than when you walked in.”

“My god, you’re so annoying!”

“Still, you love me.”

“Clean yourself, then we’ll see about that.”

She playfully slapped Lauren’s wandering hands away from her body, and resisted her pouty face. Lauren ended up rolling her eyes and washing herself under the watchful gaze of Camila’s hungry eyes. When both were done, instead of turning off the water, Lauren pulled Camila against her for a long and silent hug. Once out of the shower, the day would start, and the craziness wouldn’t stop until tonight after the show.

“Mama?”

“Yes, love?”

“…Can’t we just go? Go get our rental car, and leave?”

“…I wish, baby…16 hours, love. In 16 hours, we’ll sleep for as long as we want and then fade away from the world for a whole week. Can you do that? Can you hold on for 16 hours?”

“…I can try.”

“That’s my good girl. I love you so much, baby.”

“Love you too.”

***

Just as expected the day was a whirlwind, but Lauren would find a way to always keep Camila informed of the countdown: a whisper in her ear during rehearsal, a note stuck on her mirror in the dressing room, a text, the number added to an innocent tweet, a mouth kissing her over and over to count down the time until their day was done…Every hour Lauren would find a new way to let her know, making her fall a bit harder each time. Camila’s body was buzzing and pulsing, filled with excitement and a certain anxiety. Last days of tour were always nerve-wracking, but also liberating, there was a tension in the air: part anguish, part relief.

They were about to make it to the two hour mark when things went wrong. It started with a headache, Camila kept dancing, it wasn’t the first nor would be the last that the girls had to endure some pain on stage. But then, everything started to become blurry, she couldn’t explain it. One minute she was fine, the next she couldn’t distinguish the faces in the audience, and her chest was feeling tight, so tight! She could feel each beat of her heart hammer though her body, again and again. It was all a blur, the screams of the audience, the voices in her earpiece, the lights… all but one thing, Lauren’s voice in her ear telling she’s here again and again.

Everything was going so well, Lauren had turned the day into this great game of countdown. The sweet smiles and flushed cheeks had made worth it having to think of a new way to make her announcement every hour. Even on stage she had managed to have the operator announce it in their earpieces. As they were closing on the 2-hour mark, she saw that something was wrong. She knew them all by heart, but she knew Camila even better. She had started discreetly making her way toward her, when she saw her fall on her knees, clutching her chest. The true agony was when she started hearing her call out her name in her choked breath, she was right there, but Camila wasn't responding, calling for her again and again. She couldn't see nor hear anything but her baby on the ground, completely unaware of the screams of the crowd, or the frantic calls of everyone on stage to call for an ambulance. She took Camila in her arms, pulling her in her lap, her back to her own chest.

Finally Camila responded, grabbing her hand and pulling it against her chest, her screams stopping.

“I-I don't feel good, Lo.”

“Shh, don't talk baby, it's okay. Just breathe with me.”

“Hurts…”

“I know, but I need you to do that for me, okay? You're going to be okay, help is coming, baby.”

Lauren was thankful that the first reflex of the team had been to cut off their mic.

“Lo? I don't think we'll go on our roadtrip…”

“Shh, it's okay, we'll do it later, okay? I just need you to breathe for now.”

“I'm sorry…”

“I don't want to hear that, you did nothing wrong, okay? You're okay, baby.”

“Lo…”

“And if you're not, I need you to promise me that you will do all you can, okay?”

Camila felt too tired to answer, but moved their hands in her chest to grab her pinkie in hers.

“That's my good girl… I love you so much, baby…you have to be okay, for me, baby. Please…”

Lauren couldn't hold back her tears anymore. She was trying to be strong, but she was so tired, and so scared and overwhelmed. They were supposed to finish the show, go to sleep, and drive so far, reality could never find them…

“I-I love you Lo…it's…it's gonna be…okay, babe.”

She pulled Camila even closer to her chest, hiding her face in her neck, focusing on the small circles Camila was making on her hand with her fingers. This moment was yet another blur, it felt like time had stopped for them, while the world was turning faster than before.

“Miss! Miss, I need you to step back! Miss!”

She could hear the paramedics, but she couldn’t make herself do it. She couldn’t let go.

“She…She stays.”

Camila’s hold on her hand only tightened. Lauren was her anchor, she couldn’t go.

It took some convincing, but the paramedics ended up agreeing to not separate the two girls.

---

There we go guys…

Naaah, just kidding :P !

---

“Miss cabello?”

“Yes!”

“I’m doctor Peters, I’m sorry, who are you?”

“Her girlfriend.”

Camila couldn’t help a tired giddy smile at Lauren’s reaction. There had been no ounce of doubt in her answer, her tone even dared the doctor to try and say anything about it. Camila started rubbing her back to calm her down a bit, Lauren had been on edge the whole time, even now that she was feeling fine again.

“Can you tell us what happened, doctor?”

“You had a hypertensive crisis, Miss Cabello. Thankfully the reports show that it didn’t damage anything. It seems that you suffer from hypertension, which can be really dangerous.”

“One of my uncle had that…Well we discovered it after he passed away from a heart attack…”

“Yes, it’s the main problem with hypertension, though pretty easy to treat, it has close to no symptoms, so if you don’t check your tension regularly, it can go undetected for years. Years during which the high blood pressure damages your cardio-vascular system.”

“How come it wasn’t detected during her last hospitalization?”

“I checked her history, it seems like it wasn’t as bad, and was overlooked because of the circumstances. I fear the treatment prescribed to you is actually what made it worse, Miss Cabello. We’re going to change it, and put you on medication for high blood pressure, and we’ll check in a few weeks to see if everything is okay. You seem to have a pretty active and healthy lifestyle, so I’m confident you’ll be just fine if you follow a few recommendations.”

The doctor then went on about reducing sodium intake, cutting back on alcohol and coffee, resting properly and reducing stress as much as possible. While Lauren was religiously listening and mentally taking notes of everything the doctor was saying, Camila was despairing. How many more stupid rules would she have to follow? And it was basically, they were on tour, so stress, rest and coffee were off the table, and she could live without pizza or nuggets so let’s not even mention that whole no-salt diet!

“Can we buy a BP monitor right here?”

She wasn’t even listening anymore, not really interested in their talk about which brand was best, what model to choose and all that. She was getting sleepy again, so she moved to lay back down, Lauren automatically moving to help her, and pull her against her chest while still discussing BP monitors with the doctor.

“One last thing, Miss Cabello. I always prefer to warn my patients, High Blood Pressure medication tend to give temporary urinary incontinence. Diuretics are pretty efficient in lowering down blood pressure. It doesn’t affect some people, but I always advise to have some kind of protection on at first, just in case.”

“What?!”

She was fully awake now. Lauren sent her a quick glare which made her realize how rude she had been.

“I’m sorry doctor, but what do you mean by “protection”?”

“Well, there are many types of incontinence solutions nowadays: pads, pull-ups, diapers…In your case pads might be enough, but I do believe that pull-ups are a better solution at night. That’s actually what we provide here. You’ll find one in the closet, we recommend wearing those for overnight patients, as the medication in your IV is pretty strong.

Camila turned so red, it was a wonder if her heart had anything left to pump!

“I’ll be back in the morning, if you have any question, feel free to ask anyone. Good night.”

“Camila…”

“No.”

“Camz!”

“Nope! Not happening.”

“Be reasonable, baby…”

“Nu-huh. You can’t make me anyway.”

“We both know I can, I’d just rather face it with you, than against you. The medication might have no effect on you, it would just be for a few days.”

“…I’m not ready.”

“Baby, this has nothing to do with us, okay? I’m not pushing you to do it because that’s what I want, but because it’s the best option for you.”

Camila looked skeptical so Lauren explained better.

“Baby, do you really want to wake up to a wet bed, and have the nurses on our floor change your sheets first thing in the morning because you decided not to wear protection?”

“…No.”

Lauren gently took Camila’s hand in hers.

“So, are we doing this?”

Camila nodded while squeezing her hand.

“I’m very proud of you, baby. I know it’s a lot right now, but it’s going to be okay. Just for a few days to see if you actually need some, alright? I’ll go to the Walgreens down the street first thing tomorrow to get you pads, okay?”

Lauren waited for another nod before making her way to the closet to retrieve the sealed bag containing the pull-up. She took a second to take a deep breath. She hadn’t expected that either, and the evening had been one huge emotional rollercoaster, so her nerves were more than just frayed by now. Turning back around, her heart broke a little seeing Camila with her eyes closed, trying to hold back the tears that were still stubbornly making their way down her cheeks. On an impulse, she went to the bag Normani had brought her when the girls visited half an hour ago, all of them wanting to make sure that Camila was fine before catching their flights back home. Upon opening it, she couldn’t refrain a thankful smile. She grabbed Bobby, Nala and Camila’s paci before going back to her baby.

“Open for mama, baby. It’s okay, mama’s gonna take care of you, my love.”

“Lo…”

“Shh, just let go, baby. I’ve got you.”

Camila finally let herself fall, her lips parting, and soon sealing back around the comforting shape of her paci. Lauren put Nala and Bobby in her arms, before lifting the covers, and starting to lower the sweatpants and underwear she was wearing.

“There we go baby, one little foot, now the other. Great job, such a good little helper! Now, mama is going to pull it all the way up. I’ll need my baby to lift her cute booty so we can be done, okay?”

 With tears still brimming, her baby did as she was told. In no time at all, Lauren had the sweatpants covering the pull-up, and was lying down beside her baby. Taking her in her arms, she kept repeating again and again how proud she was of her until her baby was calm again, absentmindedly rubbing Bobby’s ear against her nose as usual.

“You okay, love?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Does it feel okay?”

Camila wiggled a bit, trying to determine how it made her feel. It was in no way as awful as she had thought. The idea of it was terrifying and weird, but once in it, it was pretty comfortable, all soft and warm. Lauren then tentatively started patting her butt, it always worked wonders to put Camila to sleep, for some reason it felt even better that way: the slight rustling, the absorption of the chock, the warmth of Lauren’s hand seeping through the layers…Camila was peacefully asleep in just a few minutes.

Chapter Text

Lauren hated hospitals. Specifically sleeping in hospitals. Falling asleep had been hard enough, her mind replaying the past few weeks again and again, pointing out all the signs she should have picked up on, but then staying asleep was almost impossible! The light in the corridor, the sound of people coming and going outside the room, the nurses coming in to check the monitors…A nightmare! The fact that it woke her up wasn’t the real problem, though. Camila hadn’t had such a restless night in months, and to make things worse, with how often and unpredictably the nurses came in, she couldn’t even nurse her baby that was getting more and more agitated each time.

As if on cue, Lauren felt Camila start to stir and nuzzle closer to her while whining. She automatically started patting her padded butt, but felt Camila froze against her instead of relax like the other times. A pat slightly lower on her bottom made her realize why, Camila’s pull-up was warm and heavier than before, her baby clearly needed a change, and from her miserable sobs, she was well aware of it.

“Shh, it’s just the medicine. It’s a good sign, it means your body is getting rid of all that useless water to give your heart some rest, baby…”

She didn’t know if Camila was in littlespace or not, but hopefully she could help her slip into it to make it easier. Without a word, Camila put some distance between them and hid her face behind her hands.

“Don’t cry, love…It’s okay, you’re okay now.”

“NO! It’s not!”

“Camila…”

Camila just got up without a word and walked to her bags, her hands shakily trying to open it. Lauren sat down beside her quietly.

“…Camila.”

“No.”

“No to what, baby?”

“…J-just no.”

Her voice was shaky, and her breathing was getting a bit more erratic with each breath.

“Can you breathe for me, love?”

Camila was just shaking her head frenetically, getting more and more worked up as her fingers wouldn’t catch the zipper firmly enough for her to open her bag.

“Camila! Enough, baby!”

Lauren’s snap finally pulled Camila’s attention away from her bag. Lauren used it to her advantage, and pulled her in her lap, until she was cradling her in her arms.

“What did the doctor say, baby?”

Camila still stubbornly shook her head, completely overwhelmed by the situation.

“He said it might happen, that it is normal, it’s just the medication doing its job.”

Camila finally broke, and tears started streaming down her face as she cuddled closer in the safe haven that were Lauren’s arms.

“There’s no need to panic, it’s just the two of us, and I don’t care. You know what I care about? You getting better, baby, and you won’t get better if you stress yourself because of this.”

“But…”

“But what, love?”

Camila didn’t even know. It just felt so wrong, she was an adult, and there she was, peeing herself right there, on the bed with her girlfriend!

“…I don’t like it.”

“I know. But sometimes we must do things we don’t like. You’re overthinking it, Camila. You’re sick, and sometimes when we’re sick our body does strange things. Want to hear a story?”

Her curiosity was distracting her from her bad thought, and she nodded her head, eager to have her mind taken off this moment.

“Okay, so when I was 8, my parents took us all to Disneyland for my birthday. I was so excited! They had told me earlier in the week, so I was counting down the days until then, but on the morning of my birthday, I woke up feeling sick. I decided not to say anything because I was afraid we might have to cancel everything, and there was no way I was letting that happen!”

Camila laughed a bit, completely invested in the story.

“So we got there, and it just kept getting worse, but I wouldn’t say anything. My parents could see something was wrong, but I kept insisting I was feeling perfectly fine, I even ate a whole bag of cotton candy! But then we got into the “it’s a small world” ride, you know in those tiny boats, and there was a kid sitting in front of me that kept making it rock from side to side. About halfway through the ride I puked all over the poor kid, his mom and my shoes.”

Camila burst out laughing just imagining the scene.

“There was nothing to do, we had to wait until the ride was over, it was so embarrassing!”

Fueled by the happy giggles coming from Camila, Lauren decided to keep on going.

“Okay, this story has to stay between us, alright? I never told anyone!”

Camila eagerly nodded.

“Okay, so back in high school, before X factor and everything, there was this one guy from our football team I had a huge crush on. One day he finally asked me out on a date. I was ecstatic! Looking back on it, I really don’t see what I saw in him, but back then it was like all my dreams were coming true! He took me out to dinner to some dingy pizza place because one of his teammates worked there and he could get pizza for free. The pizza was awful, but I was young and thought it was still pretty great and romantic. After that we went to the movie to watch some stupid action movie he wanted to see, and that’s when things went wrong. Something was very wrong with this pizza, my stomach was killing me, he had done the whole yawn and arm over the shoulder move, but I was getting so hot…and not in a good way! Just as he was about to try and make a move, I ran out of the room. I ended up texting him that something had come up and I had to leave. The truth is, I was in the bathroom of the cinema for a good 2 hours!”

Camila was in tears, but the good kind this time. Lauren was smiling softly at her, relieved to see that she was feeling better. She hated seeing her baby so miserable,

“You see, sometimes our body betray us when we’re sick, but there’s not much to do about it. Accidents happen.”

“Well, you didn’t pee your pants in bed with your girlfriend…”

“You didn’t “pee your pants” love, we knew it might happen, and you were wearing protection.”

“I look ridiculous.”

“…Don’t freak out, but I think you look sooo cute.”

“Lauren!”

Camila brought her hands to her face to hide her flushing cheeks.

“Really showcases the Booty. Makes that booty pop!”

“Shut up!”

Camila slapped her arm, but couldn’t help a little smile.

“…Is it really that awful?”

“…I guess not…I mean, it’s not really comfortable right now, but it doesn’t feel that bad. It’s pretty soft and warm.”

“Sounds comfy!”

Camila just shrugged, feeling too embarrassed to admit that it wasn’t that bad.

“How about we go change now? I’d rather we avoid a rash on top of all the rest.”

“Can I take a shower?”

“Sure, love. The nurse said they would put the next IV in the morning, so doing it now might be a great idea, actually.”

They got up, and Lauren grabbed everything Camila might need, and walked to the bathroom. As she turned around she noticed that Camila was still looking in their bags.

“I’ve got everything, babe!”

Camila looked up, hesitant for a bit.

“…No…You didn’t take stuff for you…”

Lauren sent her a sweet smile, her baby didn’t feel like showering alone again, it seemed.

“My bad, thank you baby!”

Once in the bathroom, Camila blushed and asked Lauren to turn away while she was taking off her pull-up, she then jumped in the shower, and rinsed herself before letting Lauren join her. Camila was trying to clean herself, but with the IV catheter still in her arms, it was making washing her hair a lot more complicated.

“Let me do it baby. Just sit in the chair.”

Lauren stood in front of her, and started massaging the shampoo in her hair and scalp, knowing how much Camila loved it. It felt good washing the painful night away from their body. Lauren took her time, enjoying the little mewling sounds Camila would emit whenever she scratched the right spot behind her head or her ears. She alternated doing Camila’s and her own, her baby just resting her head against her chest whenever she could. She was mesmerized by the stream of water cascading from Lauren’s nipple.

“Enjoying the view?”

“They look bigger.”

“Yeah, I think I’m coming on my period, they’re a bit sore.”

With Lauren’s hair now rinsed like hers, only a few drop would catch on the tip of her nipples, Camila couldn’t help herself, gently bringing her finger up to make them drip down.

The sight of it stirred something in Lauren. The thought had crossed her mind a thousand times already, but the yearning she felt right now to actually nurse Camila was stronger than ever before. One day, she reasoned, one day she would be able to try it. Now just wasn’t the right time, yet.

“Do you want to nurse, baby?”

She gently grabbed her breast, and brought it closer to Camila’s mouth. The new position wasn’t the most comfortable, but the sight was pretty amazing: Camila with her mouth open, eyeing her breasts, and playfully letting the drops drip in her mouth before latching on. Her first deep suckle had Lauren close her eyes and sigh in relief. For some reason, it was really helping with the soreness, so for once Lauren also closed her eyes and let herself enjoy the moment. It was a completely different experience: hot water running down her back, Camila’s skin against her own, the warmth of Camila’s mouth against her cold chest, the rhythmic pull demanding with primal eagerness. Soon, her emotions were taking over, the alternating feeling of warmth and cold of Camila’s breathing and her pulse beating against the hand on the girl’s neck making her release a shaky breath soon followed by silent tears. Camila was right here, alive and well against her. She was going to be okay. The thought alone was nearly enough to have her legs give out.

“Lauren!”

Her eyes opened and eagerly searched for the source of the sweet sound of her name, finally falling into the depth of her favorite chocolate irises. She looked worried, so Lauren smiled softly at her to signal she was fine, relieved tears still streaming down her face. Camila gently guided her into her lap for once, chest to chest, not really sure about what was happening, but relieved that Lauren seemed to be okay.

“You okay?”

“I’m so good, baby…For a minute…For a minute out there, I really thought…”

Her throat closed before she could finish her sentence, but the words weren’t necessary, Camila only knew too much what she meant.

“…You know what was the most terrifying part?...I couldn’t see. My vision was all blurred, and…and when the pain got really intense, the only thing I could thing was that I couldn’t see you. I could feel you close, if…if things went wrong I wouldn’t even get to see you again, literally…”

Chests heaving with sobs collapsed against each other, both girls overwhelmed by the visceral need to feel the other.

“I’m so sorry, Lauren, so so sorry, baby…”

“Don’t say that, it’s not your fault! I don’t blame you, baby, so don’t blame yourself.”

“…On one condition.”

“What?”

“You can’t blame yourself either, Lo.”

The sentence had Lauren cry even harder, all her guilt running down her cheeks as Camila was tenderly stroking her back and kissing her desperate tears away.

“I knew something was wrong…I knew, but I didn’t do anything!”

“That’s not true, Lo. You got me the earliest doctor appointment available, you made sure that I got as much rest as possible, checked that I was eating right…You did all you could.”

“I was so scared of losing you…”

“Me too…I want to tell the girls, Lauren. I don’t think I’m ready to tell everyone just yet, but I don’t want to hide anymore. I kept thinking about how maybe I was going to leave you, and the only thing I had given you were stolen kisses in dark corners and whispered declarations at night…You deserve so much more than that, Lauren. You deserve the world, and I’ll probably never deserve you, but at least I can give us that for now.”

“Don’t say that, love. You’re all I need, just you, in any capacity.”

Camila gave her a teary smile before cradling her face to pull it closer to her own, kissing the salt away from Lauren’s lips. They kissed for a long time, just taking comfort in having their senses overwhelmed by the presence of the other.  Each sigh, kiss and touch reaffirming a bit more the fact that it was all real, that they were both fine and safe.

When Camila’s hand eagerly went for her breasts, Lauren couldn’t help a hiss of pain. As much as the one Camila had used to nurse felt better, the other was still as sore as before.

“I’m sorry!”

“It’s okay, baby. This one is just still sore.”

Camila moved her attention to her chest once again, a little frown of concentration on her face. Tentatively, she brought her mouth closer, her eyes locked with Lauren’s. She latched on with a deep pull, Lauren’s eyes falling shut and her mouth opening in relief. Her eyes never leaving Lauren’s face, Camila studied all of her expressions to bring as much relief to her as she could. It was different. A good different. Nursing was always something for her own pleasure and comfort, so for it be for Lauren’s benefit for once made her feel really good. She was always so scared that Lauren was the only one giving in this relationship, so being able to reciprocate for once felt amazing.

The hot water finally ran out, and Camila let Lauren put her in a blanket and lay her down on the bed, taking hold of Nala and Bobby herself the second she could reach them. Without a word, she let Lauren help her into a clean pull-up and cover it with a bodysuit and a pair of comfy cotton joggers. She didn’t complain for once, the room was pretty cold and she was all too happy to be able to cover her pull-up.

“I’m so proud baby, you were so good for mama!”

“Can I have paci, mama?”

“I’m sorry, baby, but paci needs to stay in the bag now, we wouldn’t want to lose it in the bed, right?”

Lauren hated having to do that, but they had nearly gotten caught already while Camila was asleep. The risk of something leaking were low, but she’d rather not take any chance. There was enough going on already.

“But mama…”

Oh no, not a quivering chin! Lauren laid down behind her, cradling her close to her chest.

“Shh, I know, baby, but it’s okay, love. Open for mama.”

Camila did as she was told without hesitating. Mama always made things better, so she trusted her to find a solution. Eyes closed already, she soon recognized the form, taste and texture of her mama’s thumb in her mouth. Her mouth closed around it, starting to suckle with a sleepy little coo.

“Time to go to sleep, baby, it’s nearly morning already.”

Her eyes on the monitor caught sight of the peak in her heartbeat right away.

“You don’t have to worry, it’s all going to be fine.”

“Mama?”

“Yes, my love?”

Camila took out Lauren’s thumb from her mouth just long enough to ask her question.

“What’s gonna happen, now?”

To hide her own insecurities, Lauren peppered kisses on Camila’s head before answering.

“…Well…At 8 the nurse is going to come and put back an IV bag, the doctor will also come to check if everything is back to normal and say if you’re free to go… Your parents should get here around 9 from what your mom told me…”

“And then?”

Lauren didn’t know what to say. Clearly, the second her parents crossed the threshold of this hospital, she probably wouldn’t have much of a say on what would happen. It was normal really, Sinu and Alejandro were worried sick for their daughter since the accident, so she couldn’t even imagine in what state they were after this. She had called them herself when they had first arrived at the hospital, and they had said they would take the first flight in the morning.

“I…I don’t really know, baby. But it’s going to be okay! Your mom will be here, your dad too, they even said Sofi had insisted on coming!”

It was hard to define how Camila felt. On the one hand she was ecstatic to see her family, but on the other, this week was meant to be spent with Lauren. Just the two of them. Now, that was ruined. Once again she had ruined it all…They had made all those amazing plans for nothing…

“Don’t cry, Camzi, please don’t cry, baby…”

“I’m sorry…I always ruin-”

“Stop that right now, Camila. You didn’t ruin anything. I don’t want to hear you say this anymore! I’m not mad, the girls are not mad, nobody is mad.”

“But our road trip…?”

“We’ll do it some other time! We have our whole life to do it! We can just do it after the Western leg of tour, we can even have it last longer since we’ll have a month long break! We’ll ride all the way from Washington to LA or San Diego! I’m here as long as you’ll have me, baby. You know that.”

Camila pulled her into a soft kiss, her lips caressing Lauren’s with all the affection and love she had for the girl.

“Hmm…Sweet kisses! Time to sleep now, my love. Close your eyes, I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.”

***

“Sofia, don’t run, Mija!””

By reflex, Lauren pulled the now very familiar body beside her closer, nuzzling further into her hair to escape from the lights and sounds that were trying to interrupt her sleep. Something was tugging at her consciousness, but she was still in the in-between of sleep, relishing into the comfort and warmth coming from the body she was currently spooning. None of them had awakened since falling asleep after their bath. The old nurse that had come to put the new IV bag had used all her experience and stealth to do her job without disturbing the couple, and the doctor had been called for an emergency at his arrival at the hospital, so it was now 9:30, and both girls were still deeply asleep.

“Oh, mira!”

“Aw, they look cute!”

The sound of her mom woke Lauren at once. What was her mom doing here? When she opened an eye, she realized that they were the “cute” thing they were watching, with flushing cheeks she moved to put some distance between them, but Camila instinctively tried to roll over to face her. The problem was that her IV was still in, so Lauren rushed back against her back so she would stop moving. Camila resettled immediately, linking one of her hands to Lauren’s, and pulling it under her chin with a happy hum and a little smile. Lauren couldn’t constrain hers either, a shy, smitten smile blooming on her flushing face.

When Lauren looked away from Camila back to their moms, she noticed right away Clara’s amused smile and raised eyebrow, which only made her blush harder.

“Hey guys! I didn’t know you would come together.”

“Alejandro wasn’t able to free his day, so your mom offered to come with me since you were stuck here too. It’s good to see, Lauren.”

“It’s good to see you too, Sinu. I wish it was under better circumstances, but she seems to be doing okay, the doctor should come by in the next couple hours.”

Both moms were gently smiling at her. Since the accident Lauren had made Camila her responsibility, which was both sweet and worrying. The duo had always been extremely close, which in turn had made their families extremely close: they often invited each other over for dinner, the moms went out on brunches on Sundays, Alejandro and Mike watched football games together, Taylor was basically Sofi’s official babysitter… it was a gift to have people close-by going through the same thing. As much as they knew their daughters were talented, they hadn’t expected for things to go so fast for them, so it was great to have someone to talk it out with. When Lauren had started to distance herself from Camila, things had been weird for a little bit, both moms aware of how important they were for each other, it hadn’t changed the families’ relationship, though, and when they had heard about the first accident, the Jaureguis had taken the first plane to go support the Cabellos. Lauren had been inconsolable at the hospital, sobbing uncontrollably in her father’s arms, Sinu had been the one who had managed to make her stop crying, repeating again and again that it wasn’t her fault. That day, Lauren had promised Sinu that she wouldn’t let anything happen to Camila ever again, and from then on had regularly sent messages to let her know how things were going. The moms had talked about it a couple times, worried that it might be too much for Lauren on top of everything else, but Lauren actually seemed happier since then, and they had never been closer.

“I know, the nurses told us the doctor should come by pretty soon, thank you for staying with her, Lauren.”

“Oh! Um…No problem!”

It was in those moments that it felt weird not having anyone know about them. Just as Sinu and Clara were furrowing their eyebrows at her sudden uneasiness, Camila woke up, which Sofia noticed right away, as she had been quietly sitting in a chair by the bed and staring at her big sister.

“Morning Kaki!”

“Morning, Sofi!”

“…Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good, sweetie. Lauren took good care of me, and the doctors fixed me right up!”

Sofi’s face broke into a relieved smile as she rushed to climb in bed with her sister.

“Hey, careful Sofi! You see that tube? If you tug it it’s going to hurt your sister pretty bad. I’ll help you!”

Lauren got out of bed, and went to the other side to put Sofi where she was, that way there was no risk. Camila sent her a loving and grateful smile that Lauren answered with a wink, making the girl blush a bit. She then went to hug her mom and Sinu, mom hugs were the best, and it felt good after the intense past hours. The moms then went to hug Camila who happily reassured them that she was feeling alright.

“Come on Mija, let’s go grab some coffee!”

Lauren knew that her mom was doing it to let the little family reunite properly, but she couldn’t help looking back to check on Camila one last time before leaving the room.

“She’ll be okay, Lauren. Her mom’s here now.”

“Yeah…”

It wasn’t much of a relief actually, but she knew Camila was in good hands. It didn’t change the fact that she wanted to stay close to her, but she knew it was what was best for her right now.

“How are you doing, sweetie?”

“I’m good, mom. Turns out Camila had HBP, it was a bad crisis, but she’s fine. It didn’t damage anything, she’ll just have to be more careful from now on, and check her blood pressure regularly.”

Clara grabbed her arm, and stopped her.

“I know Camila is fine, but how are you, Lauren?”

Her mom then stared at her with her knowing mom’s eyes, and tears sprang to Lauren’s before she could do anything about it.

“Taylor was the one who told us what happened, she found a video online. So what I want to know is how you’re feeling.”

She then wrapped her daughter in her comforting embrace, letting her hide her face against her neck like she had done since she was just a baby.

“I was so scared, mom…”

“I know, baby.”

“I really thought…I thought I might lose her. She was in so much pain, mom…And I couldn’t do anything, and I knew something was wrong! I-I had booked a doctor’s appointment for her the next day, but…but that was too late! She could have had a heart attack, mom! The doctor said she could have turned blind or even have an aneurysm!”

In those moments, Lauren always reminded her of her husband. Such loving and caring people, always putting the people they loved first, ready to do anything for them, and hating above all to find themselves useless. She still remembered the state in which Mike was the first time she gave birth. If he could have gone through it all for her, he would have done it in a heartbeat, anything but have to watch his wife suffer through those 8 hours of labor!

“Shh, you were amazing out there. You did all you could, and no one could have expected more of you. You calmed her down, and waited with her. You were all she needed, baby.”

She then pressed some kisses in her dark hair while stroking her back. It was hard watching her kids grow, but she was so proud of the woman Lauren was turning into.

“…Camila is very lucky to have you.”

That made Lauren nearly jump out of her arms.

“Wh-what do you mean have me?”

Her eyes were wide and filled with panic. Clara bit back a smile, since Lauren had come out to them, she had noticed her attraction for the little Cuban girl, and clearly it didn’t seem one-sided. Deep down she had always thought they’d be cute together, but she knew things were complicated. At the end of the day, though, in any capacity, they had each other, and that helped tremendously when she couldn’t see her daughters for long periods of time.

“You’re an amazing friend, but I’m sure she knows that.”

Lauren swallowed and nodded, letting her mom bring her close to her again. She had caught the little glint in her mother’s eyes, clearly she knew something else was going on, but she knew not to bring it up until Lauren was ready to open up about it.

“Come on, let’s go eat a little something and we’ll bring back some breakfast with us.

It was nice, they got some time to catch up. Lauren usually loved those moments, getting some news from her family, checking on their neighbors and friends, but right now it was taking everything in her not to get up and race back to Camila’s room. Just to check that she was okay, that she didn’t need anything, that she didn’t need her…

“Lauren? Are you even listening to me, Mija?”

“Sorry, mom… I’m just tired I think, maybe we should go back to the room…”

The same glint appeared again in Clara’s eyes, she got up without a word and went to order coffee and hot chocolates for Sofi and Camila as well as some food. They had left Miami at around 6 in the morning, so she was sure Sinu and Sofi were famished.

Lauren did her best to not just run up to the room, trying instead to keep pace with her mom. When they got there, Sofi was napping beside Camila, while Camila and Sinu were quietly talking. When Camila looked up at her, Lauren noticed the tears rolling down her cheek.

“Camila! Are you okay? Did the doctor come by? Is something wrong?”

She had rushed to her side, her hands already cradling her soft cheeks, tears mirroring hers on her face.

“I’m okay, Lo. I promise.”

“Then what’s wrong, ba-Camzi?”

Her slip up made a smile appear on Camila’s face, which made her feel better right away.

“My grandpa isn’t getting better…They…The doctors sent him back to a clinic not too far from home…You know what it means when they do that.”

“I’m so sorry, Camz…”

Lauren pulled the girl in her arms, and grabbing Sinu’s hand that was still on the chair by the bed while sending her a sorry look.

“It’s okay, Mija. He’s old, he had a good life. He’s at peace with it.”

“Doesn’t mean you are…”

“I’m good, don’t worry.”

Sinu gently stroked her cheek, touched by how caring that young girl was. She had always liked Lauren, she had taken Camila under her wing from the beginning, and for that she would always be grateful. She just had a way to put a smile on her daughter’s face no matter what was happening, just like just then.

Things went fast after this. Their tears were barely dry by the time the doctor came to check on her. Nothing had been damaged, her tension was nearly back to its normal numbers, so she was free to go home, but she had to very careful from now on. In a whirlwind, they were packing all their stuff, and getting ready to go catch their flights with heavy hearts. Both girls had been heartbroken to learn that Camila’s flight was full, so Clara had had to take tickets for the next one. With so many people around all the time, the girls could feel knots forming in their stomach. Would they have to just leave each other like this? Would they even get to say goodbye properly?

They had discreetly left the hospital to avoid the paparazzi waiting outside, and during the whole ride, Lauren’s eyes never left Camila’s in the rearview mirror. If it was all they could have, then they would make the most of it. At the front of their mind was the thought of how different this day should have been. They shouldn’t even have been awake at that hour, all snuggled up together in their small bunk, Camila would probably still have the taste of her skin on her tongue, while Lauren’s nose would be buried deep into her sweet smelling hair. Instead they were in this car driving at high speed toward the airport to be separated. No. Lauren simply refused for their break to start that way, she was determined to find a way, she had sneakily accomplished plenty today already. She’s find a way.

She finally got an opportunity when their moms and Sofi decided to go get some stuff to eat in the plane, she pretended to need to go to the bathroom, and Camila caught on right away, just as eager to be away from watchful eyes. The second the door was locked, they were attacking each other with desperation. There was no playful smile or challenging eyebrows, just eager lips and teeth that could find no other mean to communicate their anguish than interlocking again and again, and seeking hands trying to memorize each inch of what felt like a disintegrating map. It was foolish, they knew that they would get to see each other, but it just wasn’t enough, it could never be enough that way. Not when they weren’t what they woke up and went to bed to, not when reaching fingers couldn’t feel the soothing touch of the other’s skin, and especially not when they were supposed to finally be free to just be. When oxygen started lacking, they kept their foreheads together, hands holding the other’s cheeks in a desperate cradle.

“God, I love you, baby. I love you so much, okay? And I’ll be right here, if you need me, you just call, and I’ll find a way, okay? First priority, always, my love.”

Lauren took a deep breath, trying with all her might to repress her tears.

 “Bobby and Nala are in your backpack, I also put your mini perplexus in there. The big one is in your suitcase with your dragon plushie, and your blanket, alright? I-I put some of my shirts in it too, if you want them. I had to put some of your stuff in mine, but I’ll come by tomorrow, you hear me, love? It’s only goodbye for today, you just tell me whenever I can come over tomorrow and I’ll be there!”

Camila wasn’t doing a good job at holding back her tears, and Lauren started trying to kiss them away

“Shh, babygirl, it’s going to be okay! But I need you to promise to tell me if you need me. Can you promise that, my love?”

Camila nodded eagerly. She knew how useless fighting it was, it was better for the both of them to be open about it.

“Good, baby, mama’s so proud of you! Okay, now let me just put your mushroom and rose necklaces on, that way you have them right there with you! And here’s one of mama’s scarf, that way if you need to suckle, you can just hide behind it, see? Oh! And last thing!”

Without a word, Lauren pulled off her spinner ring, and put it on Camila’s pointer finger as her fingers were slimmer than hers.

“Just making sure to put a ring on it!”

That finally managed to make Camila giggle, which made Lauren’s heart flutter. Camila pulled her close to her, nuzzling against her neck to take on her favorite smell one last time before having to go.

“I love you so much, Lauren. I’m so grateful to have you in my life, you just have no idea.”

“Oh, I have one, baby. Trust me I have a very good idea of what that’s like.”

They both smiled, staying close for a bit longer.

“What about my unicorn, Lo?”

“Oh! Uhm, I took it with me, is it okay?”

“Yeah…Yeah, it’s pretty perfect.”

They kissed again, finishing with sweet series of three pecks. It would be hard, but they could make it.

Chapter Text

Camila was sitting in the plane, Single Ladies playing on loop in her iPod as she made the spinner on Lauren’s ring spin. She’d never get over how Lauren could just brighten even her darkest days. She was already missing her, but she was happy to know that Lauren was spending some time with her mom, and that she would spend the whole evening with her siblings and parents, gorging herself with homemade Cuban food. Just imagining the scene was making her smile like a goof.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

 Taking her eyes away from Lauren’s ring, she looked up at her mom who was looking at her with a tender expression.

“Uhm…Nothing mami, just got lost in thoughts for a bit.”

“Well it seemed like they were some very happy thoughts, Mija.”

“Yeah…Yeah, they are”

Camila’s silly grin was back in place full force. She couldn’t help it, as much as things were hard and complicated, nothing had ever felt as good as being with Lauren. She looked back up at her mom that was looking at her with scrutinizing eyes, trying to find where the changes in her daughter were coming from.

Sinuhe couldn’t place it exactly, her daughter just looked happier. She also looked healthier, and had that sparkle in her eyes that she hadn’t seen in a long while. She felt like she was missing something, but as long as Camila was happy, it was enough for her. It had been a lesson she had had to learn the hard way when Camila had finally come out to them.

If she could, she would go back in time in an instant, and just pull her daughter in her arms, telling that it was okay, that they loved her no matter what, and that the world would learn to lover her just as the wonderful person she was. Instead, she had been caught short, her mind had first been blank, because who would thought that the teenager with posters of boys all over her walls could turn out to not like boys? And how could she really be sure? She had hardly ever been with boys, so maybe she was just a bit confused because she was surrounded by girls all the time? And what about her career? She was in the public eye, it was one thing to be rejected by the people of your home time, but what if it was the whole world rejecting you, sending you hateful messages and ruining you and your group’s chances? So many scenarios had run through Sinuhe’s mind, and her first conclusion had been that it wasn’t a good idea. It was ridiculous, and didn’t make sense, but the next thing she knew she was looking at her daughter and telling her just that, that she didn’t think it was a good idea. Sometimes at night she could still see the look Camila gave them, if the TV hadn’t been on, she was sure she could have heard Camila’s heart shatter in her chest. As if finally registering what had happened, she had tried to explain, but the haunted look in Camila’s eyes wouldn’t go away, and her daughter had just left the room.

It had taken days before they were all able to sit down and properly talk about it. This time, both Alejandro and her were ready, and had been able to explain the source of their concern to their daughter. It was stupid really, it wasn’t like she had chosen to be that way, Sinu knew that now, but it had taken efforts on all parts involved for them to get there, and she was proud of her family for getting there.

“Kaki? Isn’t that Lauren’s ring? She had the same one at the hospital.”

Something finally clicked in Sinu’s mind when she saw how bad she flushed.

“Uhm, yes, it is.”

“Did you steal it? That’s bad, you know.”

“No, Sofi, Lauren gave it to me before we left.”

“Forever?!”

“No, just for now, just while we’re ap-in Miami.”

“That’s nice, mami won’t let me and my friends borrow stuff from each other. Mami, if Kaki and Lauren do it, does it mean I can do it too, now?”

“No Sofia.”

“But Mami!”

“Do we need to have that talk again, Mija?”

Under Sinuhe’s warning glance, Sofia decided to back down. The mom then turned her eyes toward her oldest daughter who was carefully avoiding her gaze, her cheeks still flushed, and her hand now protectively hiding away the piece of jewelry. It made her smile, once again Lauren had managed to make her daughter smile. Sinu was very fond of Lauren, she knew how well the girls got along, and had been really saddened to hear that they weren’t on talking terms for a while. The second Lauren had arrived at the hospital, though, she had seen how much she cared, and how guilty she felt to not have been more present. And just as Sinu had hoped, she was present now, and that was all that mattered. She owed a lot to her, for what she was doing for her daughter, but also for the many messages she sent to let her know how Camila was doing, and to ask for updates on her father. Lauren was a sweetheart.

“You’re very lucky to have a friend like Lauren, Mija. She’s an amazing girl.”

“I know, mami.”

The smile on her daughter face looked full of pride and joy, it made her look fondly at her for a bit. She was growing up so fast, it was hard to not be able to be here for each step of the way, but she was proud to see her turn into this amazing young woman. It was her last thought before falling asleep for the remaining part of the flight.

When they landed in Miami, Camilla didn’t even wait to be out of the plane to turn her phone back on. She was used to flights by now, and was more than happy to patiently wait for all the eager passengers to get out before doing so herself, preferring to stare intently at the signal indicator on her phone. A couple seconds after her phone was back online, notifications started rushing in, but the only one that mattered to her was the one accompanied by a picture of her green-eyed beauty. When she saw it was an audio file, she hastily grabbed her headphones and plugged them in before pressing lay.

“Hi baby, if you hear this, it means you’ve safely arrived in Miami, and I miss you already. I know we won’t be able to see each other as much as we wished, but here’s a little something for you, so you never forget how much I love you, and how badly I wished I could be right by your side.”

Then her favorite raspy voice on earth started singing “You Are My Sunshine.” From the sound quality, she guessed that Lauren had recorded it in the airport’s bathroom, and it made her smile, though she could feel herself tear up.

A soft tap on her shoulder brought her back to reality, and without a word she grabbed her things and made her way out of the plane.

***

“Lauren could you please settle down?”

“Sorry, mom.”

Lauren knew she was annoying, but it felt like this flight was taking forever, and she couldn’t help but fidget around, tapping her fingers on her armrest and bouncing her legs. Looking at her watch for the umpteenth time. They still had over an hour worth of flight, but Camila was just landing technically. A little smile bloomed on her face imagining her reaction to the audio she had sent her. She hoped it would make things easier, she could just picture Camila, all curled up in bed with her stuffies and paci, being lulled to sleep by her voice. It wasn’t as good as actually being there, but she hoped it would be enough.

Just thinking of the eventuality of Camila being unable to sleep made her anxiety rise up once again.

“Mija, tell me what’s going on, you’re changes of mood are giving me a headache.”

“It’s nothing, mom.”

“Lauren Michelle.”

“I’m just… I’m worried about Camila.”

“She’s going to be fine, sweetie. Her parents are going to take good care of her, and make sure that she’ll have all she needs to get better.”

“Yeah…You’re right…”

Clara softly smiled at her daughter who had a little frown on her face, and was now looking at her feet, rubbing the end of her shoes together, like she used to do as a kid.

“I know it’s hard. From what I gathered you guys have been spending a lot of time together recently…”

Lauren was too deep in thoughts to catch where her mother was going with this.”

“Yeah…”

“So you miss her already.”

Lauren just nodded. It felt like a piece of her was missing. It was hard, because she had never felt like this. In her past relationships, time apart tended to actually feel good, like a time to regroup and to get to be herself, but she was never more a 100% herself than around Camila. She wasn’t just yearning to see her again, it felt like she had a gaping hole in the middle of her chest.

“You got it bad, Mija.”

“WHAT?”

“Oh please, I’m your mother. Mothers know those things.”

“There’s nothing to know, mom.”

“Does she know?”

“About what?”

“Your feelings for her.”

“Don’t be ridiculous!”

“It’s also a mom’s thing to know when their children lie.”

“Mom!”

“I’ll let it go…For now. Just be careful with your heart, nena, okay?”

The little nickname and her mom’s sweet voice made Lauren’s anger vanquish right away. Instead, she let her head fall against her mom’s shoulder, relaxing as soon as Clara started playing with her hair like when she would always do. It felt good and familiar, and Lauren decided to push her worries to the back of her mind for now, and just let herself be lulled to sleep.

“Time to wake up, sleepyhead, we’re about to land.”

Lauren took a deep breath and started stretching with her eyes still closed. The landing was done smoothly, something that Lauren always appreciated. As they were sitting up front they were able to get out right away, and as they made their way toward baggage claim, Lauren turned back on her phone, and quickly went to her messages. They all came in at once, and Lauren was sporting the biggest grin as she started reading them

Camzi <3 : I love you so much, Lauren! Thank you! I’ll listen to it every night we have to be apart! You’re the best thing that happened to me and I hope you know that (even better than pizza and bananas) <3

Camzi <3 : Safe and sound on the ever burning ground of Miami btw!

Camzi <3 : We’re waiting on our luggage.

Camzi <3 : Why does it ALWAYS have to take FOREVER!! I swear they put random bags in the carousel just to mess with people…

Camzi <3 : Finally got our bags! My dad is coming to pick us up

Camzi <3 : Just got home! Do you also get that weird moment when your nose can actually pick up on the smell of your house, and unconsciously you know that’s the smell of home, even though you don’t remember ever smelling it while you lived there?

Camzi <3 : Your plane should land shortly, I hope you had a nice flight, baby! Send me a message whenever you get five minutes, just so I know you landed safely, and don’t forget I love you <3 !

Camzi <3 : OMG, okay emergency, you need to come pick me up as soon as you get there! My parents are looking up diets for HBP and they want to have me eat kale! KALE, LAUREN!!!”

Lauren couldn’t help smiling like a fool at her messages. Well, her heart did miss a beat when she started reading the last one, but her worries soon melted into a fond smile.

“I gather Camila made it home alright?”

“Huh? Oh, uhm, yeah! They’re already home.”

“Mija, maybe this time you should actually grab your suitcase. You dad should be here already, and I’d rather not wait for a third spin.”

Lauren looked back at the carousel, and sure enough, her suitcase was there. She hastily grabbed it, blushing at the teasing smile on her mom’s face. Since the Cabello’s at picked Clara up this morning, her dad had said he would come pick them up, and the second she saw him, she jumped in his arms. Lauren had always been a daddy’s girl, and being in his arms made her feel better.

“Hi, doll. How was your flight?”

“It was good, dad.”

“How’s Camilita doing?”

“She’s okay, we just got to be careful now, so it doesn’t happen again.”

“I know you’ll take good care of her, honey.”

With a last kiss on her cheek, he let her down, letting her siblings that were behind him come and get their own hug. God, it felt good to be home. Once in the car, she tried to pay attention to what everybody was telling her, but was also sneakily sending texts to Camila.

Lolo <3 : I’m glad you made it safely, but please don’t ever give me scares like that again, baby! And you better eat your kale! No more junk food for you!

Lolo <3 : And I’m not joking around, if I hear that you pulled fits or refused to eat, you’ll be in big trouble, alright?

Lolo <3 : I’m happy you liked the song, I know the sound isn’t particularly good, but that way you got your favorite song on you at all times :P !

Lolo <3 : Okay, I’ve got to go, baby, we’re still in the car, and Chris is trying to tell me something! I love you and I’ll see you real soon <3

She went back to listening to her brother talk about his football tryouts, while Taylor cuddled close to her. It was good to be home.

***

It was crazy how even just through messages, Lauren could give her butterflies.

“KAKI!! THE MOVIE IS ABOUT TO START!”

“I’M COMING SOFI!”

With a little chuckle she quickly sent a message before putting her phone is her pocket and joining her sister on the couch to start their Disney marathon. On second thought she went and grabbed Nala, that was fine, right? Just to use as a pillow. It wouldn’t be the first time she would cuddle up with some stuffies on the couch. She had to stop overthinking it.

She went downstairs and let herself fall on the couch, squishing Sofi in the process.

“Kaki!! You’re crushing me!!”

“Oh! My bad! Didn’t see you there!”

She then started tickling her sister, who started laughing hysterically. God, she had missed her little sister! Sofi was always her greatest motivation, she wanted to make her proud, and show her that, if she worked hard, she could achieve all her dreams. It wasn’t always easy, it was hard being away and not getting to see her grow up, but she was trying, and maybe that was enough. She stopped soon after, and cuddled close to Sofi like they always did.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

“How come you still have Lauren’s Nala?”

“Well…She’s letting me keep it for now.”

“That’s really nice. Do you let her borrow your things, too?”

“Yeah.”

“Does it mean she’s your girlfriend?”

“WHAT??”

Camila was sure that kind of stuff was bad for her tension. She could feel the adrenaline rushing in, and her heart rate picking up.

“Well, at school, Toby started going out with Annalisa, and he gave her one of his wristband, and she gave him her keyring.”

“Uhm…Well she didn’t give them to me.”

“Oh, right. So she’s not your girlfriend?”

“Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know, but Bennett in the grade below me has two mommies, and Mami and Papi told me you liked girls. Lauren is nice and pretty. I like her, if she was your girlfriend she’d be my sister, and Taylor, too. That’d be cool.”

Camila felt tears of emotion well-up. The ease with which Sofi was taking it in strides was overwhelming. The world needed more kind people like her sister, maybe then she’d feel safe to reveal her love to the world…

“Are you going to cry, Kaki? I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to make you cry!”

“I’m not sad, Sofi! Come here!”

She pulled the little girl in her lap, and hugged her close, taking in the scent of her Disney princess shampoo.

“You have the biggest heart, you know that? Never change, Sofi. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Kaki… So is Lauren you’re girlfriend?”

Camila chuckled at her sister’s persistence. She didn’t want to lie, though, so she compromised.

“It’s complicated, but I do like Lauren a lot.”

“She like you lots, too you know.”

“You think?”

“When you were in the hospital, last time, she cried for a very long time. Mami even had to help her calm down. And, uhm, she came when you were sleeping, and I might have pretended to sleep too, because I thought it was the doctors, and that they wouldn’t let me stay with you.”

Camila gently pushed Sofi’s hair away from her face with a soft smile. She still felt guilty for making her little sister go through all that.

“It’s okay, Sofi. You didn’t mean to.”

She felt her sister relax against her, as if a weight had been lifted of her shoulders. It only made her heart grow fonder, she was such a kind soul.

“Well, she started talking to you, and she said she was sorry, and that you didn’t deserve the way she treated you, but that she was done fighting it, I think. I didn’t really get that part, but then she said she loved you, and even if you didn’t it was alright, and that she was going to make sure you were alright, now. That she wouldn’t let anything bad ever happen to you again. It sounded like she was crying. She kissed us on the forehead, and then she left.”

Camila’s eyes closed at the influx of emotion that started coursing through her body. At this moment, the only thing she wanted to do was to go find Lauren, and never let go of her.

“Camila? Did Lauren lie?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well…You went back to the hospital, and the doctor said you were in a lot of pain. Lauren said she wouldn’t let it happen…”

“No! There was just nothing she could do about that. She’s been taking very good care of me.

“But…”

“It’s not her fault, sweetie. Accidents happen, and we can’t always control it, but Lauren stayed with me the whole time, and made sure I was feeling better.

“Good. Because I really like Lauren, and I’m not very good at being mad at people.”

Camila laughed and kissed her hair one more time, before putting on the first movie of the night.

***

God, the soreness was killing her! How was she supposed to sleep when her boobs were hurting like that! They felt so sensitive too, even her light cotton shirt felt slightly uncomfortable! What kind of bullshit was this, anyway? She couldn’t wait to get her periods…She never thought she’d say this in her life!

With a big sigh, she decided to get up. Her stomach was still full from all the Cuban food she had ingested, but she could definitely go for a big glass of ice cold water! As she went down the stairs, and watched the different pictures of her family on the walls, a big smile bloomed on her face. It felt good to be back! They had spent the night all together, even going out for ice cream after dinner. It felt great to feel like she was all caught up on the things she had missed those passed months. As much as she hated being away, she had to admit that it had made her bonds with her family grow even stronger. It was a high price to pay, but she was living her dream so she wasn’t going to complain too much about it.

“What are doing up, nena?”

“I couldn’t sleep, I’m thirsty.”

Before she could do it herself, her mom was reaching for a glass, and adding just the perfect ratio of ice cubes and water.

“Thanks. I could do it myself, you know.”

“Yeah, well you have to do everything by yourself everyday, so let met baby you a bit when you’re home!”

She let her mom pull her in her arms, but hissed in pain when her chest was crushed just a tad bit too much.

“You okay, mija?”

“I’m coming on my periods, and my boobs are killing me.”

She had let her head drop on her mom’s shoulder, letting her play with her head, and just relaxing.

“I was wondering why they looked so big!”

“Mom!”

“A mom notices those things, Lauren.”

“Ugh, they’re so sore…”

“Well, if you ever want kids, you better get used to that. When your body is getting ready to make milk, it’s no walk in the park either!”

“Well, right now, my body is just supposed to concentrate on the fact that I didn’t get pregnant, so I’d like it if it would leave my chest out of this!”

“You should take a warm shower, or put something warm on it, it might help.”

She knew what would help, but for now she couldn’t have it, so maybe she could give it a try. That gave Lauren an idea, so she stayed in her mother’s arms for a couple more minutes before going to get Camila’s unicorn. She warmed it up in the microwave, before going back to bed.

She pulled the warm plushie to her chest, and cuddled it close, its lavender scent reminding her of her nights with Camila. She took out her phone, reading again through their last texts.

Camzi <3 : I’ll try, mama…But I really hate kale.

Lolo <3 : If you’re good you’ll great extra cuddles. Is my baby all curled up in bed, yet?

Camzi <3 : No, traditional Disney marathon with Sofi.

Lolo <3 : …I think I read you wrong, you see, I remember quite well that my baby wasn’t allowed screen time at night.

Camzi <3 : It’s fine, I have nothing else to do here but rest. And it’s the tradition, Lo. Sofi’s only 7, and she just flew to get me from the hospital. I’d rather let us go back to our normal routine.

Lolo <3 : …I know, but don’t overdo it, okay? And don’t forget to get some milk before going to bed! I put your shaker bottle and your bottle under your jeans in your suitcase. And call me if you can’t sleep, okay? Or if you wake up in the middle of the night! Even in the morning really, that way I know when I should get up and get ready to come and see you J !

Camzi <3 : I will, I promise! Goodnight, babe, I love you <3 !

Lolo <3 : I love you too, sweet dreams my love <3

With a sigh, she turned to lay on her back. Being apart from her was way harder than she thought it would be… She hated that she had to repress her needs, but it was normal, really. Everybody did that a bit everyday, didn’t mean it didn’t sting to not be able to do anything about it. With yet another sigh, she rolled to her side, and forced her eyes closed, hoping that sleep would take her soon enough. The sooner she was asleep, the quicker she’d be back to Camila’s side.

***

Camila woke up with a jump. Instinctively, her hands reached for Lauren, but there was no one around her, and the bunk seemed like it had doubled in size. She couldn’t reach the wall, nor the curtain, not even the ceiling, and it was so dark! Her breath starting picking up. Something was wrong, where was she? She desperately reached around, blindly trying to find a light, or something, anything! She could feel the beginning of tears coming in and couldn’t stop a whimper from coming out. Finally, her hands landed on her phone, which she hastily grabbed. Without a second thought, her hands were typing in mama’s number. Why wasn’t mama here?

“Camz? What’s wrong baby? Are you okay?”

“Mamaaa…”

The simple relief of hearing mama’s voice made her break down in tears.

“Baby… Mama’s here, love. Can you tell me what happened? Did you have a bad dream?”

But Camila couldn’t calm herself down enough to answer, she was still so disorientated! And it was so dark here…

“Baby! You need to breathe, love. Can you do that for me?”

“Ma-mama!”

“…I’m coming, okay baby? Mama’s on her way! Can you come down to open the door in 15 minutes for me, baby?”

What door? And why was mama so far! She needed her now! That only made her cry harder.

“Shit… Don’t worry, baby. Mama will find a way, okay? Don’t move! Why don’t you cuddle with Nala or Bobby, love?”

“Want Bo-bo, mama…”

“Ok, mama is staying on the phone with you, baby, okay? Just breathe for me, it’s okay, mama’s coming.”

***

On the other side of the line, Lauren was frantically putting on jeans and shoes, her phone awkwardly pressed against her shoulder and cheek. Adrenalin was rushing through her system, clearly Camila was very deep into headspace, and Lauren’s chest was constricting with each one of her sobs. She rushed downstairs, looking through their keys. The Cabellos had a double of their keys for when they were away, surely they had a double of theirs too, right?

“Yes!”

She grabbed them, grabbed her car keys, she didn’t get to use her car that often, but god was she glad to have one right now, and ran out of the house.

“I’m in the car, baby, I’ll be here really soon, it’s okay.”

Her baby was still pitifully crying on the other side of the line.

“Mama…S’dark, here.”

“Can you turn on your bedside lamp for me, love? The button in just on the right side of you bed, can you find it?”

It took some whimpers and reassurances, but soon enough, Camila was settling down a bit. She was halfway there, the roads were thankfully deserted at this time of the night.

Sure, she drove way over the speed limit, but in 10 minutes she was there, parking hurriedly in front of the Cabellos. As quietly as she could, she made her way inside the house and up the stairs. Camila’s room was on the other side of her parents’ and Sofia’s, a fact she was really thankful for right now. Just as she was about to walk in the direction she heard a door open behind her.

“Lauren?”

She left a sigh of relief, it was just Sofi.

“Hey, sofi, it’s okay, it’s just me.”

“Why are you here, Lauren?”

“Camila asked me to come.”

“Is she alright?”

“Yes, she just had a bad dream, and wanted me to come. Why don’t you go back to sleep, sweetie?”

“…Okay.”

“I’ll see you in the morning, good night.”

“’Night, Lauren!”

She waited until she couldn’t hear Sofi’s little steps before getting in Camila’s room.

“Mama!”

“Shh, I’m here, love. It’s okay.”

The relief of getting Camila back in her arms was something like she had never experienced before. She pulled her close, peppering her face with kisses, but when she started patting her bottom she realized something wasn’t right.

“I think my baby needs a little change, my love.”

She kept Camila in her arms, the grip the small girl had on her clearly indicating that she was in no way ready to be put down, and walked to her suitcase. As usual, Camila hadn’t put things away yet, but for once it was a good thing. She quickly grabbed a clean pull up that the nurses had been nice enough to give them in the meantime, a bodysuit, her bottle and a simple pair of shorts, because she knew better than to try to put pants on Camila at night. She also grabbed her paci that was still in her backpack, and Bobby. She couldn’t believe her baby had left them in the bag! No wonder she was so distressed when she woke up! She then grabbed a clean towel and went back to the bed. She was glad she always kept baby wipes with her in her bag

 She carefully put her down on the towel, giving her her paci and Bobby before starting to take care of the issue on hand.

“Okay, baby, Mama’s going to take off the pull up, okay? Can you be mama’s good little helper and lift up a bit?”

Camila tearily did it, frantically sucking on her paci and stroking Bobby’s ear against her teary cheek.

“Good girl! There we go! Now let’s clean up a bit, and we’ll just have to change your jammies, okay?”

She quickly wiped her down, and put the clean pullup up her thighs and back in place. She then made Camila sit up, and took of her shirt that was soaked in sweat. She was used to it by now, bad nightmares tended to have that effect on the small girl. She freshened her up with some wipes, and cleaned up her face too, making her blow her nose into it once she was done.

“There we go, all clean, baby!”

She pulled the bodysuit down her front, and Camila lowered herself back down without being prompted, lifting up her butt so Lauren could grab and fasten it. She was feeling much better already, the ritual felt familiar now that the pull up part was done. When she felt Lauren grab on of her legs she tried to pull it away.

“No pants, mamaa!”

“It’s just short baby, come on! That way nobody will see your pull up, alright?”

Camila grumpily agreed, once she had turned on the light, she had recognized her room, and her minds had cleared up. She didn’t feel like having her mom find her dressed with just her pull up and bodysuit in the morning…Her thoughts were interrupted as Lauren came back from her attached bathroom.

“We’re done, now. Come to mama, love.”

Camila straddled her, and lied down so she was covering Lauren’s body.

“Mama is not going anywhere, baby, it’s okay.”

It was irrational, but that was what she needed right now. Mama was stuck under her, so she couldn’t leave her. She could hear Lauren move things around and do things, but she wasn’t interested. The only things that mattered right now were her paci, Bobo and mama’s presence, so when Lauren tried to rise up on the bed, and took paci out of her mouth, she only got whimpers from Camila.

“Shh, it’s okay. Just your baba, baby. My baby must be thirsty after crying so much.”

Lauren had transferred the milk from the shake bottle to her actual bottle, and Camila was more than happy to latch onto it. She hadn’t realized she was so thirsty, the cold liquid was doing wonders to her throat and overheated body.

“That’s it, not too fast, baby, or you’ll get a tummy ache, okay?”

 It felt like she could breathe again, Camila’s weight on her actually felt more like a burden being lifted than the other way around. She couldn’t get enough of her: the small sound of her suckling and then stopping to swallow, the way she smelled, the way her eyes kept looking though hers, that one hand upon hers anchoring her, or even the way she rubbed her feet together comfortingly. It hadn’t even been 24 hours, and she was desperate. She wanted more, she needed her even closer, so as soon as Camila was done drinking, she was popping open the first buttons of her shirt without even waiting for Camila to ask for it.

Her chest was throbbing. It had been sore all day and all night, the warm unicorn had helped, but the second she had heard Camila’s voice, it had only gotten worse. Hormones were certainly something Lauren didn’t know much about, and didn’t care about at all the second Camila finally latched on. She let out a small grunt of relief, it still hurt a bit, but she could feel the pressure lessening with each pull of Camila’s eager mouth.

“It hurts, mama?”

“It feels better when you nurse, baby.”

Camila then paid even more attention to what she was doing, making sure to have a good latch and that she was taking controlled pulls. Again, the fact that this moment was turning into one of mutual relief made her enjoy it tenfold. Lauren then started patting her bottom, which for some reason, with the extra padding and warmth from the pull-up, felt even more soothing than it usually was. She also started humming quietly, while gently scratching at her scalp. It felt like heaven, and Camila fought to make the moment last as long as possible, also trying to make sure that both breasts weren’t sore anymore. In the end, she lost the battle, falling asleep while still suckling.

Lauren waited until she really couldn’t stay up anymore to resolve herself to break off the latch, replacing her breast by Camila’s paci as soon as she started whimpering. She threw the bottle under the bed, buttoned back up her shirt, and made sure everything suspect was put away. The paci was a bit of a gamble, but she couldn’t just not give it to her after the night she had had. Worst case scenario, she would make something up, right now she was just ready to fall asleep with the love of her life softly breathing in her ear, which she did in just a matter of seconds.

Chapter Text

Lauren woke up with the weirdest feeling of being observed. She could feel the weight of Camila's face on her chest, so it didn't make sense. Scenes from the horror movies she had seen in her life flashed through her mind as she tightened her grip on Camila and opened her eyes at once.

"Morning Lauren!"

Lauren hadn't expected to find Sofi smiling at them, inches away from her face. Lauren's eyes followed the little girl's line of sight as she started talking again.

"See! I told you, mom! Lauren came during the night."

Sinu was by the door, her phone by her ear, watching their entwined body with perplexed eyes. Lauren felt herself start to blush. Camila was still asleep on her chest, nuzzled under her chin, one hand fisted in her shirt, and their legs tangled.

"Yes, she's here, Clara! Do you want to speak with her?"

Oh no. Sinu started walking toward them and handed her the phone, that she put to her ear with apprehension.

"Lauren Michelle! What were you thinking? Your father and I were so worried!"

"Mom, I'm fine!"

Lauren kept her voice low, her hand reaching for Camila's hair the second she saw her start fidget in her sleep.

"No! I know you're not a child anymore, but it is too much to ask that you at least leave a note saying you left and will be back later?"

"...I'm sorry, mom. I wasn't thinking. Camila called me, and I just..."

"Sneaked out of the house in the middle of the night with your car?"

"I didn't sneak out! It was 3 am, I wasn't just going to wake up the whole house!"

"A note, Lauren. All I ask for is a note or a text telling me that you're fine. Imagine something had happened to you on the road!"

"It's okay, mom. I was on the phone with Camila the whole time."

"Lauren Michelle! Are you freaking kidding me? You were on the phone while driving??"

"No! It was on speaker, alright? I had both my hands on the wheel, don't worry. I'm fine, mom, okay? Camila...Wasn't feeling well, so I went to check on her."

"I see..."

"What?"

"Nothing, Mija. When will you be back home?"

"Hmm...I don't really know, actually."

"Send me a text whenever you know, okay?"

"Okay, I'm sorry, mom. Love you, bye."

She gave Sinu back her phone with a sheepish smile. The woman had stayed by the bed, silently observing her sleeping daughter.

"Good morning, Sinu. Uhm...I'm sorry for sort of sneaking into your house. We had the double of your keys at home, and, uhm...But I locked it back after!"

"It's okay, Lauren. You and your family are always welcomed here, you know that."

Lauren just politely nodded, not trusting herself to not start rambling again.

"What happened?"

"Oh! Uhm, Camila called me last night. I think she had a bad dream or something, but she was disoriented, and was really upset, so I decided to come."

"Honey, you should have just called me! It was really late, we could have taken care of it! I know she relied on you a lot during tour, but she's home now, you don't have to do all that. You can just relax, we're here."

It stung more that Lauren would like to admit.

"I really don't mind, you know. I...I like being there for her."

"I know, you're an amazing friend, and I couldn't have wished for Camila to meet a better person, but... All of this is not your fault, Mija. You know that, right?"

Lauren was incredulous. Sinu thought she was doing all of this out of guilt?

"No! Sinu, I'm not giving Camila the pity treatment! I don't do it because I feel guilty, I do it because I want to. I want to be there for her!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. I know what a caring person you are. I just don't want you to feel obligated to do all of this. You should be home, enjoying time with your family, not driving around Miami in the middle of the night."

"I did it because I wanted to, Sinu. I could have called you, but I wanted to be there."

Sinu could see how earnest she was as she talked. It surprised her deeply. Those two definitely shared something special.

"Alright, well thank you for taking such good care of her, Mijah. I'm making breakfast, do you want something? Un café con leche?

"That sounds great, thank you. I'll just wait until Camila wakes up."

Lauren put her eyes back on her baby, her head had moved to her shoulder while she was fidgeting, and now Lauren had a perfect view on her sleeping face and pouty lips. She felt a smile spread on her face. Why was Camila so cute?

Sinu watched her for a couple more seconds, before leaving the room and going downstairs.

Camila slept for another half hour. Her baby clearly was exhausted for her to sleep through all that! The first thing she did as she woke up was to nuzzle deep against Lauren's neck, taking a deep breath and letting out a happy sigh.

"Good morning, my love."

"'morning."

"How do you feel this morning?"

"Good..."

"Come on, time to wake up, love. Your mom is making breakfast."

That made Camila lift up her head. Still so sleepy she hadn't realized that they were back in Miami.

"Oh my god!"

She started looking around, thinking of all the incriminating things that could still be lying on her bed.

"Slow down, your paci is in my pocket, and your bottle is hidden under the bed. Everything's fine."

"Oh my god, Lauren! I didn't even realize...I had you drive all the way here in the middle of the night!"

"Yes, and I'm very proud you called me, baby. I don't want you to stay upset on your own when you wake up like this."

Lauren put Camila back in her arms, stroking her back in soothing patterns. Camila let herself melt against her embrace, nuzzling against her chest this time. It was always the most soothing spot for her.

"Oh my god, I have no idea how I'm going to explain this."

"Oh, you don't have to. Sofi and your mom were in your room when I woke up. My mom was looking for me."

"Why was she looking for you?"

"Well, I sorta forgot to leave a note in my hurry..."

"You didn't even leave a note for your parents? Lauren!"

"I know! I'm just not used to having to justify all of my moves anymore."

Camila kissed her pout away. Camila's lips on hers felt so good that Lauren let out a big satisfied sigh, and let herself fall back on her pillows, pulling Camila with her.

"You're getting really good at morning kisses..."

"Sounds like an important skill."

"It is."

They started kissing again. They kissed softly, with no hurry. They knew they couldn't really turn this into a hot make out session with so many people in the house, so they just enjoyed being close again.

"When do you have to leave?"

"Whenever your parents decide to kick me out."

"Don't you have anything planned for today?"

"Not really. I knew I wanted to come see you, so you were the only thing on my To-Do list."

"Wow, smooth."

"Wha-? Oh! NO! I didn't mean that! I meant-"

"I know what you meant, you idiot! Come on, let's get some caffeine to start that brain!"

"Why are you being so mean to me? Where's the love?"

"It's called tough love, sweet cheeks! Now get that booty up, I want pancakes!"

Camila then slapped her butt and rushed out of the room, knowing exactly what she had started.

"OH NO, YOU DIDN'T!"

Camila squealed as she heard the thumping steps of Lauren behind her as she started going down the stairs.

"DON'T RUN IN THE STAIRS!"

"YOU'RE RUNNING TOO!"

Just at this moment, Camila's left foot caught on something and she started falling just as she was reaching the end of it. She braces herself for the impact, but it never came, instead she felt arms pick her up from behind making her squeal as they started spinning. When they finally stopped, she heard a warm husky voice in her ear.

"Because I'm not a clumsy little disaster like you."

The word were followed by a kiss on the cheek. That didn't stop Camila from elbowing Lauren for her mocking words, a hit followed by the now usual swat on her thigh.

"No hitting!"

"Camila, mija, how many times do I have to tell you to pick up your shoes!"

Both girls started blushing when then realized all the Cabello family was watching them from the open kitchen.

"I'm still working on that, papi..."

"Say that to Normani's heels!"

"Lauren!"

Everybody started laughing as Camila turned to Lauren with an offended face.

"Come on, guys! Come eat something before it goes cold!"

Their first embarrassment was quickly forgotten as they started eating and catching up with everyone. Camila pouted when her mom and Lauren both let out a warning "No!" when she reached for the syrup. It soon faded as Lauren started cutting a banana and putting the pieces on her stack of pancakes while talking politics with her dad.

"Alright, mija. Try this."

Camila made a sour face at the green concoction her mom had made her.

"Come on, I even doubled the amount of banana in it."

"Mami..."

"Camila..."

Lauren was giving her her stern stare. Mama's previous warning came back to her, so with a sigh she took a small sip. It wasn't too bad...Apart from all that kale monstrosity!

"How about we do it again, without all the greenery?"

"Camila, drink your smoothie."

Lauren's words sounded final, so she begrudgingly started drinking. Sinu and Alejandro looked at each other with a questioning glance. Alejandro shrugged with a little smile on his face. He had been observing them throughout the meal, the little smiles, the discreet glances they would sent each other, the angle of Lauren's arm showing that it definitely wasn't resting on her own knee... He would have to call Mike later today...

"So what do you guys plan on doing, today?"

"I don't know, whatever Camila feels like doing."

"Nothing, then."

"You two could go to the beach!"

"Hmm...I don't really feel like going out..."

Lauren could see how Camila suddenly was becoming quieter, and sort of huddling up behind her glass. She frowned, why did she look so uncomfortable at the idea of going out? It then came to her: the pull up! Camila now knew not to trust her bladder. She felt bad for her girlfriend, and hoped that she could make her feel more comfortable about it soon.

"Maybe we could just stay in today, and get some sun by the pool, what do you think?"

"...Yeah, sounds good."

Lauren replied to Camila thankful smile by a gentle smile and a little caress on her cheek. She had always been affectionate toward Camila, so she thought she had some leeway before things looked suspicious to the other people in the room.

"Shi- sorry! I just realized I didn't bring anything so I don't even have a swimming suit! It's okay, I guess I'll go grab my stuff from home, and come back."

"I can lend you one!"

"Camz, you're a tiny thing, it won't fit!"

"Yes, it will!...Oh come on! It won't hurt to check!"

It was stupid, but Camila didn't want Lauren out of her sight just yet. If she couldn't remember what her nightmare was about, she was sure that it had nothing on the feeling she had waking up without Lauren by her side. She pulled Lauren to her feet by her hand, and dragged her upstairs as the older girl complained about wanting to help with the dishes. She pushed Lauren so she was sitting on the bed, and let herself fall on her knees in front of her suitcase, plunging her hands in its content.

"Camila! Step back from this suitcase."

The stern voice startled her, so she turned to Lauren with widen eyes.

"I organized this suitcase, and you're about to ruin it, for nothing on top of that! You're swimming suits are in the middle partition of your suitcase, in the pocket!"

"...Sorry."

"Why didn't you unpack already?"

"It seems silly to unpack when I'm just here for 2 weeks! There! See? I'm sure you'll fit into this one!"

Lauren shook her head and rolled her eyes, but picked it up and went to the attached bathroom to change. The bottoms fit okay, but the top was definitely tight, even more as her boobs were indeed bigger than they were before. Even her bras were a little tight those days, so she wasn't really surprised. Well, she was surprised by this random growth, but she wasn't going to complain...as long as they stopped being sore soon!

"I guess, it works since we're staying home, but if we do end going to the-"

She lost her words as her eyes finally caught sight of Camila as she came out of the bathroom. The smaller girl was facing away, her hands reaching behind her to tie the white top of her bikini, making her arch her back and popping out her delicious Booty hardly covered by a bottom made of two pieces of white cloth held on each side by three string. Lauren's mouth suddenly dried out.

"Think you could help instead of staring at my butt?"

"Hmm?"

"Lauren? Eyes up here! Would you mind giving me hand?"

As she finally detached her eyes from this heavenly sight, she finally noticed that Camila was looking at her through the floor length mirror in front of her. She mechanically walked toward her, taking a bit longer than necessary to make a knot as her eyes kept roaming the length of Camila's back. Who knew Lauren was also into sexy backs?

"Thank you!"

Camila's smug attitude soon fell as she found herself also dumbstruck once she turned and faced Lauren. Those boobies, damn! They looked like they were fiercely trying to get out of their restrains, and Camila silently prayed for them to succeed. There was no words to describe how hot Lauren looked at this instant. She was never taking this swimming suit back, if she had anything to say, Lauren would wear it every day...but for her eyes only.

"What did you say again? Oh, right! Camila! Eyes up here!"

"You're keeping this."

"Well, I wasn't about to take it off!"

"Forever, you're keeping this one forever..."

"Need some water, Camzi? You look a bit...thirsty right now..."

Camila didn't pay attention to her goading, and just attacked her, pushing her on the bed and straddling her as her lips were claiming Lauren's. Never before as they kissed so passionately, but Camila couldn't get enough, getting more worked up after each of Lauren's moan as she would bite or sensually push her tongue against hers.

Lauren wasn't expecting this, and clearly wasn't ready to be ravaged like this. So much, that she was nearly limped under the attack, not able to react as waves after waves of desire were crushing and drowning her. It felt like Camila was everywhere, her lips ruling over hers, her hands touching everywhere at once it seemed, roaming from her neck to her stomach, and as one started playing with her tensing abs, while the other was climbing up to gently grab and massage her breasts. Lauren was a moaning mess, happy to surrender to Camila's raging lust. A shrill keen escaped her lips as she felt Camila hump her thigh while kissing down her neck.

That finally woke her up. Lauren let herself fall back completely on the mattress to free her hands that had been holding her up during Camila's attack. As soon as they were set free, they took the route that now nearly felt familiar, stubby nails teasingly scratching up her thighs, pulling a husky moan out of Camila. While one hand stayed on her backside, never getting tired of the feeling of soft and supple flesh, the other dragged up along the spine of the little minx above her, making her arch even more against her, and making both of them moan wantonly.

"Girls? Did you find swimming suits? Sofi is waiting for you!"

That stopped both girls right on their track. Thankfully the sound was coming from downstairs, but their heart was still racing with the realization that they could have been found in this...situation.

"We're changing, papi! We'll be down in a minute!"

Camila was now on her back, Lauren having pushed her away from her when she had first heard Alejandro's voice. They were both panting lying on their back, their lips still pulsing from their kisses, and their hair messy. They were a mess, and for some reason that made Camila crack in a fit of laughter.

"Oh my god, I can't believe this nearly happened! Camila, stop laughing! Your dad could have come upstairs and find me with my hand fondling your...butt!"

The last word had been said in a whisper, which only made Camila laugh even more.

"I'm sorry, babe..."

She tried to keep a straight face, but only burst out laughing again, leaving apologetic kisses on her girlfriend's pouty lips. The kiss started building up again, but when Camila opened her eyes, she realized that Lauren had hers on the door. Too into it to stop the kiss, but too worried to not check. Better be safe than sorry! Camila just chuckled, grabbing her chin, and turning it so she was facing her again.

"Eyes on me Jauregui!"

"Camz, your dad could come in any second!"

"No he's not! He wouldn't just barge in, especially with two girls changing inside, dummy."

"Yeah, yeah...Laugh away! We'll see what your face will look like when something like that happens at my place!"

"You sound pretty sure of yourself, what tells you that I'll let you do that at your place?"

"Well, clearly I wasn't the one that attacked the other."

"Aww...I'm sorry...I won't do it again, then."

"NO!"

Camila started laughing again, it was just too easy! She turned on her side so she was facing Lauren, and went to teasingly bite her neck as the girl was whining.

"You're so mean to m-Fuck..."

She then went up, leaving little kisses in her wake, and grabbed Lauren's little earlobe between her teeth, and gently pulled at it.

"...And sexy...please stop doing that..."

She let go of the earlobe, and started kissing at her jaw, unable to refrain herself from biting it. That jaw deserved it, she couldn't count the number of times it had distracted her. She followed it up to her mouth, mapping her way with kisses, before finally leaving three soft kisses on Lauren's lips.

"Caaaamz..."

"I love you. Come on, let's go!"

Camila pulled her up, and held onto her hand as they went down the stairs, and into the Cabellos backyard. As they were getting close to the pool, Camila felt herself being lifted out of nowhere, and suddenly she was being thrown in the water.

"Oh my god! Lauren!"

"I felt like you needed to cool down a bit!"

Lauren had jumped with her, and was holding her. Camila splashed her, an attack Lauren responded to by plunging them underwater again.

"Lauren!"

"KAKI! Watch!"

Both girls turned to see Sofi bomb dive into the pool, splashing them in the process.

"I learned how to swim!"

Sofi added proudly as she resurfaced and swam up to her sister that took her in her arms.

"That's awesome Sofi!"

Lauren had let go of Camila, but was still close to her, and was now grinning mischievously.

"That's great, Sofi...But can you swim faster than a shark?"

After that she dived under and started swimming after Sofi that had dashed out of Camila's arms to swim away. They kept at it for a good 10 minutes before Sofi swam back to Camila.

"Uncle!"

"There's no uncle with sharks, Sofi! But I guess, I could ask for an exchange, I'll leave you alone if you help me catch Camila."

Sofi stayed silent for a bit, Camila looking at her expression with worry.

"I love you, kaki..."

"I love you too, sweetie."

"...But I'm tired. Quick, Lauren! Catch her!"

Sofi pulled her legs around her sister's so that she couldn't swim away. Camila's yells for help were unanswered, and soon enough, Lauren was grabbing her, and pulling her under. She stopped fighting it when she felt Lauren's lips on her own briefly before pulling them back up. Sofi was now playing around in the shallow part of the pool.

"Good job, Sharki."

Both Cabellos started laughing at the nickname. Camila pulled her in a hug. There was something about seeing her interact with her little sister that always pulled at her heart.

"How about instead of a man-eating shark, you play nice and be my helpful dolphin?"

"Sounds like a lot less fun...but I guess I can make an effort for a pretty lady.

Camila moved to be able to situate herself on Lauren's back, and let her swim around with her on her back, rewarding her mount from time to time with discreet neck kisses.

"Lauren?"

Camila was nearly asleep on her back, but the voice of her little sister nearby made her open her eyes.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"...Can I play dolphin, too?"

"Of course! Just climb on your sister's back!"

Lauren moved where she could touch the bottom, she didn't feel like drowning all three of them because of the added weight. Sofi lied down on her sister's back, and she started going around again. This time, she was going faster, taking sharp turns, making Sofi laugh hysterically. After being dunked twice because Sofi wanted them to dive, Camila decided that she was going to go sunbathe for a bit. The two kept on playing around, while Camila relaxed and smiled at the resounding sound of her sister's laughter. After playing dolphin, they played a few rounds of blind hide and seek in the pool, Lauren taught her how to properly dive into the water without doing a belly flap and how to do underwater handstands. After that, both girls were pretty tired, and Sofi went in to dry in front of the TV and eat some snacks.

"How are you not exhausted?"

"I am!"

Lauren let herself fall on top of Camila on her bathing chair, making her giggle and move around so they could be side by side.

"Babe, you need to put on some sunscreen, you're going to burn."

As she was saying it, her warm hands were gently stroking her pale skin, which only made Lauren feel drowsier.

Since Lauren didn't seem too keen and doing it herself, Camila grabbed her bottle that she had put beside her, and started applying it on her exposed skin. Lauren just got comfortable on Camila's shoulder, letting the feel of her hands on her body relax her even more. She then felt her lips on hers, leaving soft kisses. She was glad they had decided to put this garden in this part of the garden, their chair couldn't be seen from inside, and if someone wanted to come, they would hear the sound of the sliding doors. Lauren replied in kind, sleepy kisses that made Camila smile against her lips. Camila kept at it for bit longer, reveling in the feel of Lauren falling asleep against her lips, her breath deepening, but her lips still pouting up to be kissed.

***

"Mijas! Lunch is ready!"

"Shh, mami. Lauren is sleeping."

"Of course, she is! You woke her up at 3am, mija!"

"Mom..."

"Don't 'mom' me, Karla Camila. This poor girl needs just much rest as you do! You could have come to us, we were just on the other side of the corridor!"

"I didn't realize I was home! I woke up thinking I was in our bunk, and I just panicked because I couldn't find Lauren!"

"'Our' bunk?

God, she was stupid! Being home was a bit overwhelming, she didn't mean to snap, especially like that, but hearing her mom invalidate all of Lauren's reassurances was planting a seed of doubt in her mind that was making her feel uncomfortable. And now, she had said that, and her mom kept looking between Lauren and her, and she could panic start to grow in the pit of her stomach. She felt like crying, because she had no idea what to say.

"Yeah, Camila and I started sharing a bunk. She was really struggling with her insomnia and her nightmares, and I get a bit claustrophobic in a bunk by myself, sharing killed two birds with one stone. Coming here was no problem, Sinu. I...I couldn't sleep either to be honest."

Lauren embarrassingly squinted up at Camila. She hadn't really mentioned that, yet, but it felt like it might actually appease Sinu.

"And you took the road like that! Mija!"

"It's okay, I wasn't even feeling tired!"

"You two are really something else..."

She looked at them a bit longer, then shook her head and told them that lunch would be served in 5 minutes before going back inside.

"Claustrophobic by yourself?"

"I had to find something to say!"

Lunch, just like their breakfast, turned out to be far less awkward than they thought it would be. Camila could feel her eyes on Lauren and her more often than before, but apart from that everything was normal. They were all laughing at Sofi's dramatic retelling of their morning in the pool when the phone started ringing. Sinu stepped outside to answer, and came back paler than before, telling Sofi that she could go play in her room if she wanted.

"Mami, what's wrong?"

Lauren got up, filled up Sinu's glass with water and ice, and handed it to her while gently guiding her to sit down

"Thank you, Lauren. It's your abuelo, mija...I wanted to wait until tomorrow to go see him, but...I think it would be better to go this afternoon."

Lauren kept a hand on Sinu's shoulder, but grabbed Camila's hand with the other. The grief she could see in their eyes was really hard for her to handle. There was no tougher lesson to learn than to accept that some pains just cannot be avoided. At least she was glad that Sofi had been spared.

"I'll drive you."

"No, Lauren-"

"I'll stay in the car if you want, but there is no way I'm letting either of you drive, Sinu. We'll stop by my parents' house, my mom and Taylor will look after Sofi. Go grab your stuff, I'll take care of the dishes."

Camila was surprised to see her mom do as she was told, it seemed like Lauren's commanding voice had the power to work on anyone.

"Come on, Camila, go change. Do you want me to come with you? I can help if you want."

Camila shook her head. No. She needed a few minutes alone, and clearly Lauren knew that already. She just needed to wrap her head around what was happening. Her grandpa...Pipo...pipo was on the verge of dying, and her frayed mind just couldn't...It wasn't even a question of accepting it at this point, but simply to comprehend that notion. Her grandpa had always been there for her, it was a more discreet figure, but right there none the less. Before leaving Mexico, her grandparents had come to visit, and he had slipped a notebook in her backpack without her knowledge. She had discovered it in the bus, while everybody was sleeping. She remembered how she couldn't sleep, how her mind was buzzing with too many thoughts, relief to be reunited with her father, curiosity to finally step in the US, and her general terror to find herself in a new country where they would have to start all over again. In the notebook he had left a little message in his scribbled handwriting, telling her that everything would be alright, that he would pray for her every night, that he loved her, and that it was high time the Estrabao shows la Yuma what they're made off. She first used it as a dairy, and then she wrote her first songs in it. It was to this day on of her most precious belongings.

It had become their things, whenever they would see each other while they were apart, and then for all big occasions, her grandpa would hide a little notebook for her somewhere in her stuff, always with a little encouraging note. She had had one for each first day of school, for her X factor audition, and then one for each time she would get to come home. Nobody knew, but them. It was their little secret.

She turned her head toward her suitcase, and tears just started streaming down her face. There would be no notebook this time. No reason to frantically look through all her bags like a kid on a treasure hunt when they would be back in the bus. No more wise and encouraging words to calm her nerves whenever she needed it. She let her grief drown her, there was no hiding from this pain. Death was a strange experience, there was something very selfish in the pain of losing someone. She wasn't crying for him, really. He had had a good and long life, had achieved plenty, and had suffered a lot too, he deserved his peace. No, she was crying for herself, for her loss. She had lost an uncle from Mexico last year to cancer, a cousin in Cuba a few months before that in a car accident...each time it felt like a star was disappearing from her sky, making the nights a bit darker each time...

"Camila, are you ready, baby?"

A strangled chuckle find a way out of the ocean of her tears. Here, came the sun...

"Baby, are you okay...?"

She just opened her arms, letting herself be engulfed in the warmth of her arms. Soothing words and pats calming down her breathing. She would be okay, stars couldn't burn forever in her sky, but new stars appeared everyday, and as long as the arms around her never let go, she would never be engulfed by the dark.

"Yeah, it's going to be okay."

"I'm so sorry, baby..."

"No. It's fine, it's life. Honestly, I'm glad I'll be able to be here. I get to say goodbye, we all know how much of a gift this is with our life."

And it was. Lauren hadn't been able to be there when her grandmother died, and Normani even had to facetime the funerals of hers. It hurt, but it was normal, it was part of the process of grieving.

"I'd rather be surrounded by you and my family for this. There's no escaping it, so might as well embrace it."

"I'll be right where you want me, love."

"Can we stay together tonight? I don't think I can..."

Emotions rushed in and strangled her word, but Lauren just pulled her closer.

"Of course, baby. Whatever you need."

"Can we stay at your place? I don't mean to invite myself, but my mom will probably have Sofi stay at a friend's place, and I think she'll need some time with just my dad and her. If I'm here, she'll try to stay strong for me, and I don't want her to feel like she has to do this."

"No problem, Sofi can even stay with Taylor tonight, I'm sure. It's going to be okay, you don't have to worry about anything. I'll pack your bag."

"...Can you grab my bottle and paci, too?"

"Of course, baby. And we'll take your blanket and stuffies, too. Just go put some cold water on your face, and put on your shoes, okay? I've got this."

Soon after, they were all sitting in Lauren's car, Sofi and Sinu cuddling in the back, while Camila was sitting in the front, her hand tightly linked with Lauren's. Sinu had left the door open after Sofi and she had gotten in, but Camila had just closed it, and sat up front. Sinu observed them the whole time they were in the car. The way Lauren would either hold her hand closer, or stroke the back of her hand whenever Camila would tense up, trying to force her tears down, the way she kissed it when she got out of the car to bring Sofi inside her house where Taylor and her mom were waiting, the desperation with which Camila reached again for her hand when she came back, the pinch of hurt in Lauren's features whenever Camila couldn't hold back her pain. They were a mesmerizing sight, so in-tune to each other, it puzzled Sinu. At least, until they reached the parking lot of the hospital, the girls not being enough of a distraction to make her forget about why they were here for.

"I can wait in the car if you-"

"No! Mami, do you mind if Lauren comes with us?"

"Of course not, querida. Come on, let's go."

To her surprise, once again, Camila decided on grabbing onto Lauren's arm instead of her own, but what surprised her even more was Lauren passing a sympathetic arm around her shoulders, bringing Sinu closer to them. Camila then grabbed onto her mom's hand from behind Lauren's back, the other still anchoring her to Lauren. The little trio walked silently inside the hospital, and then to the room.

"You can go first, mija. Tell your abuela to come with me, I'm sure she hasn't eaten anything yet today. You can come along, too Lauren."

"It's okay, Sinu. Thank you, but I'll just wait here. I don't mind."

Sinu tried to insist, but Lauren stayed put with a gentle smile. She didn't want to disturb the moment even more, and she'd rather stay close to Camila anyway. She pulled Camila in her arms one last time, letting her relax in her embrace as she pressed a long kiss on her forehead, slowly swaying them from side to side.

"I'll be right here if you need me, okay?"

The words were whispered in her ear, but Sinu still heard them, watching Camila slowly nod against the taller girl's neck. She felt like she was intruding on an intimate moment.

Camila finally detached herself from Lauren, holding onto her hand, until she was too far to touch it anymore. With a final deep breath, she entered the room.

Minutes passed by slowly, Sinu warmly introduced her to her mom before the two of them went down to the cafeteria. She made the time pass by playing on her phone, going around and answering some tweets from fans. It was the bit overwhelming to see the reaction of people to Camila's accident. It was heartwarming to see how people were worried for Camila, things had happened so fast that Camila hadn't really had the time to think about publishing a small statement. She knew she had had the girls and some friends on the phone, and had taken the time to make sure they knew what was going on, and that she was fine, but they had been too far into their small bubble of normality to remember that the world kept spinning, and the people out there were getting worried. She didn't risk sending a tweet herself, the camren shippers were already losing their mind over the video of that awful night. It was a bit sickening, seeing the clip turned into gifs, and people trying their hand at lip reading. It was hard seeing people rave about such a traumatic experience. Camila tended to be more understanding of the situation, she had been a fangirl herself, and understood why it could take over someone's life like this, but for her it was all so foreign. Sure she had had posters of hot celebs on her walls, but she had never obsessed over anyone she didn't actually know.

Her attention was taken away from her phone when she heard the door open, she got up at once, walking closer. Camila came out with red and puffy eyes, and gestured for Lauren to come closer. She grabbed her hand, and pulled her inside with her.

"Pipo, that's my girlfriend, Lauren."

"You're just like your abuelo, you have good taste in women, Camilita. It's very nice to meet you Lauren."

"It's very nice to meet you too, sir."

"Come on, let's not be so formal, we sadly won't have much time to get to know each other better, just call me pipo, child."

That made Camila start crying again and her grandpa grabbed her hand back in his.

"Come on, nena, it's going to be okay... Look at you, you've grown into such a beautiful woman. I'm so proud, you really showed them what the Estrabao were made of. I don't want you to lose your beautiful smile over this. Show pipo that smile, nena."

Just like he would do as a child, he started tickling her chin, and just like when she was a child she couldn't help but chuckle.

"There it is! It's okay to be sad, but it can't last too long, okay? It's all part of life, there's nothing we can do about it, and I don't have any regrets. Your grandmother, your mom, sofi and you brought me so much pride and happiness. My only regret will be to never get to see Sofi all grown up, but I know that she'll be just as amazing as the other women in her family. You'll keep looking after her for me, nena, okay?"

"Yes, pipo..."

"And you, Lauren, will you look after my Camilita for me?"

"Yes, sir- uhm pipo."

"I really like this one, you chose well, nena."

He then started coughing, which soon turned into a coughing fit.

"Could you go fetch me some water, Camilita?"

Camila rushed out of the room, to go ask some water from the nurses. As the door closed, her grandpa stopped coughing right away, which stunned Lauren.

"It's an old trick, I just needed to talk to you for a minute."

Lauren visibly gulped. She was about to get the talk for sure, she just hadn't been expecting it. She still felt honored that Camila made a point of introducing her to her grandpa, she knew that he was a very important person in her life.

"Don't fret, my Camila had a lot of great things to say about you. Do you love her?"

"Yes, very very much."

"That's good, be sure to keep that love alive, okay? That's the only secret there is about love, it's like a plant, it needs to be cared for, watered, fed and protected...but not kept in the shadow."

"It's not what you think! Camila just doesn't feel ready yet, I don't want to push her, but I'll be more than proud to say I'm hers when she'll be ready, sir."

"Quite the smooth talker, huh? She's lucky to have you. And please call me Pipo. I've never been too fond of the Yuma's formalities."

"Right sorry."

"Could you do one last thing for me?"

"Of course!"

"Could you hand me her bag?"

Lauren hadn't expected that, but she grabbed it, and handed it to him.

"Thank you."

He then pulled out a thick notebook of his side table, added some words in it, and put it at the bottom of the bag.

"Don't tell her, okay? It's a little thing between us. You'll have to be there for her, I hate that they have to go through this because of me, but I'd rather it be this way than the other way around. It's just the normal way of life."

"I will, pipo. She loves you very much, you know."

"Oh, I know... We've always been secretly each other's favorites, but don't tell anyone."

He send her a playful wink her way, and it reminded her of Camila's own mischievous look, they actually looked a lot alike. They had the same gentle look and little smile.

"And thank you..."

"For what, child?"

"For accepting Camila, and, well, us."

"I always knew, my Camilita always had something for las mamacitas, just like her abuelo!"

Camila walked back in at that moment, holding a glass of water.

"I'm so sorry, Pipo! The nurses took forever! Do you feel okay? I can call a doctor if you need!"

"I'm okay, nena, calm down. Just a little coughing fit, nothing to worry about! Come here."

He made her climb in bed with him, like she would do as a child for her naps.

"Do you really have to go, Pipo?"

This time, her grandpa teared up, too. It was a conversation they had each time before they were able to settle in the US with them. They would come visit in the summer, and when it would be time to leave again, a pouty little Camila would look up at him with her big brown eyes and ask that very same question.

"Yes, nena. Pipo needs to go, but we'll see each other again... but not too soon this time, okay?"

He adapted his own usual answer, and felt her warm tears against his neck. He pulled her closer, and started humming the lullaby he always sang to her, gently leaving kisses in her hair. He was glad for his sudden regain of vitality, he knew why, just a last surge of life before the end, and made sure to give all the love he could to his loved ones before finally being able to rest. When he raised back his head, he noticed the tears on Lauren's face, and how her eyes were watching over Camila's shaking body, her helplessness clearly tangible on her face. It made him smile, clearly this little chica was crazy in love with his granddaughter, and somehow it helped. He had made sure that everything was set for when he would be gone, and Sinu had promised to take care of her mother, Alejandro had promised to take care of Sinu, he was certain that Lauren would take good care of his little Camilita, and she would take care of his little Sofi. He suddenly felt engulfed by a great feeling of peace.

"Come on, nena. Visit hours are nearly over, what don't you take your pretty girlfriend out for ice cream? That's how I got your grandma, you know? Beautiful woman always have a bit of a sweet tooth, trust me."

"I love you, pipo..."

"As I love you, my Camilita...And that's all we need to remember, okay?"

They embraced a bit longer, and with a last kiss in her forehead he added as he always did when they had to be apart.

"You be safe, nena. And you show them, okay?"

"I will, I promise. I love you."

"Forever, Camilita."

"Forever..."

With a last embrace and a kiss, Lauren helped Camila out of the room, where she collapsed in her arms. Her legs gave out, so Lauren pulled her up in her arms like a child, gently swaying her from side to side, while whispering gentle words in her ear. She didn't ask her to stop crying, she deserved to express her grief, and Lauren would never deprive her of that, even if each sob felt like a knife straight through her chest.

Her mom and grandma came back at this moment, both hurrying toward them.

"I've got her, I think you should go see him..."

She had seen the look in his eyes, the weariness settling back once he had said all he had to say to his granddaughter. It was time to say goodbye. Before going back in, Sinu gently went to stroke her daughter's hair, but Camila didn't move from her spot, too deeply lost in her grief.

"It's okay, Sinu, I've got her...It's...It's time. I'll take her back home with me, okay?"

"...Okay...Thank you, mija."

"It's no trouble, I'll call Alejandro and tell him to come get you."

With teary eyes and a solemn and grateful nod, Sinu turned back toward the door. Lauren took out her phone, and quickly called Alejandro asking him to come the hospital, he seemed to understand right away, and said he would be there in 15 minutes.

"How about we go home now, little one."

Just then, cries could be heard from behind the door. Lauren shut her eyes tight to hold back tears, but didn't manage to hold tightly enough onto Camila to stop her from rushing to the door. She grabbed her from behind at the threshold. Sinu was sobbing, holding tight onto her father's hand, while her grandma still had her lips pressed to her husband's forehead, her hand linked to his. The flat line on the monitor was making a strident sound. She managed to push her out of the room so the nurses could get in. As they were calling for the defibrillator, Camila's grandma lifted her hand, and shook her head.

"He was ready to go, let him rest in peace now."

The nurses backed down, and told them they could have a couple more minutes with him after noting the time of death on his chart.

"Lauren, can you take her home now?"

"No! Pipo!!"

"It's over, Camilita. He's in a better place now. He can finally rest."

But Camila was too far gone to pay attention to her grandmother's wise words. She was suffocating, her sorrow crushing her lungs.

"I'll take her out. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll take care of her, take care."

Lauren couldn't hold back some tears of her own. As she looked back at the man that had been so full of life and love just a couple minutes ago, she remembered the promise she had made him, and it gave her the courage to pull Camila back in her arms, and to walk out of the hospital, even as she was struggling against her. When they passed the doors, the slightly chilly night wind made Camila erupt in goosebumps, and she stopped struggling, pushing herself closer to Lauren instead.

"...He's gone...He's gone, mama..."

"I know my love. And I'm so so sorry...But it'll get better. He will always be right there with you, because that's how much he loved you, baby..."

"I loved him too..."

"He knew that. You have nothing to regret, baby. You told each other all you had to say."

"...It hurts..."

"I know, but mama's going to be here with you. We're going to go home, and we're going to take a bath, then mama will put you in your pajamas, and I'll make us a snack, okay? Then we'll go lie down, and we'll nurse and try to sleep a bit, okay?"

Camila stayed silent, just nuzzling close and concentrating on Lauren's presence. Instead of putting her in the front, she lied her down on the back seats, securing her body as she could with the seatbelts before taking her bag from the trunk and covering her now shivering body with her blanket and putting paci in her mouth and giving her Bobby.

"Mama..."

"I'm right here, baby. Mama's got you."

She then got in too, and started the car, driving out of the parking lot, with her hand behind her so Camila could grab onto it. It was going to be hard. Losing someone was like losing a limb, it hurt at first, but then, even if it didn't hurt anymore, it was still gone. She instinctively rubbed the tattoo of her grandma's name. It had hurt more than anything at first, but now her loss was just an ache, a kind of soreness that would reappear some days. It was going to take time, but she had all the time in the world for this girl. They were going to make it through, and come out even stronger than before. She had made a promise, and would make sure to keep it no matter what.

Chapter Text

Camila was finally asleep, it was nearly 4am, now, but Lauren felt relief at the small achievement. Sleep hadn't managed to slacken her latch, but Lauren knew better that to try to move her now. She would still suckle on her breast from time to time, seeking comfort even lost in the abyss of sleep. She wished she could do more, but for now it was all she had.

She wished she could do more, but for now it was all she had
The whole evening had been hard. The bath had done little to calm her down, so Lauren had decided to let her nurse. Like the very first time they had done it, it had comforted her in no time. For dinner she had quickly let go of the idea of cooking a normal meal, and had instead heated up a soup, and then put it in her bottle. Safely hidden in her room, as she had asked her mom to give Camila privacy and to keep Sofi away so she wouldn't have to see her big sister so distraught, she was able to care for her baby just the way she wanted. She had washed her, dried her, put her in her pull up and pajamas, Camila had even let her dry her hair, and pull it in a long braid. She had then drank her whole bottle without much fuss, and let Lauren tuck her in bed with her. That's when the tears had picked up again, and Lauren had quickly opened up her shirt, letting Camilla snuggle close, making both of them calm down. Lauren could swear she had felt her breasts throb with Camila's little sobs, but it had stopped as soon as she had latched on.

The soreness in her breasts now gone and her baby peacefully sleeping by her side, Lauren was able to finally fall asleep herself, her exhaustion finally getting the best of her. Just as she was drifting, she felt a little suckle against her skin that made her smile as she fell into oblivion.

Unfortunately, she woke up a few hours later to the sound of whimpers and sniffles.

"Baby?"

She felt her press her little body against hers at the sound of her voice, her wet cheeks going in to nuzzle her neck.

"...He's gone, mama..."

"I know, baby...It's okay..."

Seeing her baby in this state was breaking her heart, it made her feel so helpless, what could she do against something as powerful as grief?

"...Nursin' mama!"

"Wait a second baby..."

Camila just started whining, her tears picking up again as Lauren was sitting up properly.

"Shh, it's okay baby, see? Now you can nurse."

That turned her sobs into little sniffles as she nuzzled back against her breast, but did not move to pull it in her mouth. Lauren grabbed it gently in her hand, and gently pulled it to put it in front of her mouth. As that moment, something unexpected happened. It started with just a tingling feeling in both her breasts, and then as she lightly pressed on it for Camila to latch on, a drop appeared on her nipple. Lauren froze. The silence of the night made it seem as if the world had stopped spinning for an instant, even Camila's sniffles had stopped.

"Mama milk?"

Lauren finally detached her eyes from the drop to look at Camila who was looking at it. She feared for a second to see disgust or maybe fear on her face. She knew from her reaction that it hadn't pulled her out of littlespace, and she was glad for it. After a couple more seconds, Camila whined again, her hand fisting into Lauren's pants and tugging at it with impatience, and opened her mouth, her eyes still intently watching the drop. It made a drop drip down her other breast, and Lauren felt completely out of depth, she was overwhelmed and didn't really know what to do. The pressure was building up in her breasts again.

"Mamaaa...nursin pleaaase..."

That finally put her out of her stupor, the desperate voice of her baby made her brain shut up long enough for her body to pull Camila closer to her, and let her latch on. Instead of doing it as usual, Camila tentatively placed her mouth over her areola, before gently swiping her tongue on the nipple to lick the drop away. Next thing, she was latching on properly, and looked up at Lauren as she tried suckling lightly on it.

"Hu't mama?"

Lauren couldn't help a little smile at her baby trying to check on her, but still keeping her nipple safely in her mouth, refusing to let go.

"No, it's okay baby."

Eyes still staring through Lauren's, Camila went for a deeper pull like she would do when Lauren was sore. This time, on top of seeing the relief of Lauren's face, she was rewarded with a couple more drops of her mama's milk. She closed her eyes, a little smile pulling at her lips. She didn't really know why it was happening, it felt a bit like one of her good dreams. She had never dared to talk about it with her mama, but the thought had been in her mind for weeks now. She didn't think it was possible, so she hadn't said anything about how she wished mama could really breastfeed her. Sometimes at night, while Lauren was asleep, she would pretend, closing her eyes, gulping down every few suckles, trying to imagine what it would feel like, how safe and loved she would feel. Nothing could have prepared her for the real thing though.

The drops had the same consistency as water, but they tasted sweet and milky. The little vanilla after taste was making her sigh in pleasure. Sadly, the drops soon stopped, no matter how much she tried to suckle, and gently press on her breast, nothing else would come out.

"Careful, baby. How about we try the other one?"

Camila eagerly adjusted again so she could start suckling on the other on, making little humming sounds as it started dripping in her mouth again. Her relaxed and content face finally made Lauren forget about her own worries. No matter why her body was doing this, she couldn't really regret it, it was by far the calmest Camila had been in a while. Lauren was also feeling much calmer, she had decided to stop overthinking it, for all she knew it was some hormonal mishaps that would be gone by tomorrow. The thought didn't sit as well with her as it should have, she knew the timings wasn't right, but breastfeeding Camila was definitely something she had been thinking about for a while. Maybe...Just maybe it wouldn't be too bad if it didn't stop right away, she thought, mesmerized by the little smile on her baby's face.

Camila fell back asleep again like this, but Lauren gently detached her from her chest so that she could lie back down on the bed, and replaced her nipple by Camila's paci
Camila fell back asleep again like this, but Lauren gently detached her from her chest so that she could lie back down on the bed, and replaced her nipple by Camila's paci.

When she woke up again, it was morning, and her baby was already sleepily suckling again. She gently brushed some stray hairs away from her face, only then noticing the little white drop at the corner of her lips. She then heard Camila swallow and let out a happy little sigh. So the milk wasn't gone yet...It was more of a relief than she cared to admit...

"Morning, baby..."

"Ning' mama!"

Lauren started patting her padded butt, just enjoying the intimate moment, but soon enough she realized that her mama's duties were calling.

"Hey, baby, how about we change that pullup and I go make your shake?"

"Nooo! Mama!"

Camila was whining already, moving her legs on top of Lauren's to pin her to bed and tightening her grasp on Lauren's upper body.

"Baby, you'll get a rash if you stay in this, come on! And you need to eat something!"

"Mama milk."

Lauren couldn't explain the feeling of hearing her baby say that. Pride just bloomed in her chest, knowing that what her baby wanted the most was what only she could provide, but it soon died down. She didn't what was happening to her body and how long it would last, and she definitely wasn't producing enough anyway!

"Mama doesn't have enough milk baby. You still need your shake to get better."

Camila just whined and tried to get away from her hands that were trying to make her unlatch.

"Camila."

"Noooo!"

"Mama's not going to repeat it again baby. Meals are important, and you're still sick, so I need you to let go so mama can take care of you. We'll cuddle after, but now you need to get cleaned up and eat something."

Camila just started crying and protesting harder. She felt so calm and at peace just a minute ago, why did mama had to be so mean? She didn't want her shake, and she didn't want to be changed. She just wanted to stay right here, and nurse, and maybe for mama to pat her butt or sing a song. Everything was so hard right now, she felt so hollow she might as well cave in. She didn't mean to disobey, she just really didn't think she could do it without completely losing it. It would have been easier if she had felt big, then maybe she could have explained it, but right now she wasn't big at all, she was so so little, suckling on mama with her wet pull-up...she couldn't do it.

Against all odds, mama took her back in her arms and got up, placed her on her hip, and gently rocked her.

"I know it's hard, baby. I know you're very sad, but you still need to eat and clean up. It will only feel worse if you don't, because you'll be hungry and you'll get a rash, okay? Mama will take care of everything, but I need you to mind me, babygirl."

"He's gone, mama...It hurts..."

"I know, I hate it, but it shows how great of a man he was, and how much he counted for you. It's okay to be sad, and it's okay to cry. Mama's right here."

That opened the floodgates even more. Camila clang harder to her, trying to disappear into her arms, the only place where she felt like she could breathe, where the weight of sorrow wasn't completely crushing her.

Lauren went around the room with Camila, grabbing all she needed to change her.

"Mama's going to put you down on the towel okay?"

"No!"

"Shh, it's okay. There, take Bobo and paci, little love."

Lauren changed her slowly, taking her time to check for redness and to make sure she was all clean. Thankfully she had no rash, but Lauren still put some cornstarch-based powder on her diaper area. For some reason that calmed Camila down right away. The way her hands just slid over her body with the powder made her feel soothed and its clean and flowery smell made her relax. Eyes closed as her mama kept gently rubbing it in her skin, she felt littler than ever had. Mama then pulled the pull-up up her legs, and for once, she felt too far gone to be embarrassed, instead feeling comforted by the warmth and security it brought her. Just as she thought their moment was coming to an end, she felt Lauren apply some powder on her stomach, giving her tummy rubs until she was asleep again.

"Come on baby, time to wake up!"

Camila groaned, not very fond of being disturbed in her nap.

"Time to open your eyes! Mama made your shake, come on!"

Something then started pulling at her paci, but before she could argue, it was replaced with the teat of her bottle. The warm taste of vanilla and banana soon made her forget about her indignation. With her eyes stubbornly shut, she drank her whole bottle.

"Good job! Time to get up now!"
"Good job! Time to get up now!"

Camila didn't want to, and she knew why. As soon as she was up she'd have to be Big again. She would no longer be able to ignore the fact that her little sister was somewhere in this house, probably still uninformed of what had happened, or that her mom and grandma were probably home, calling everyone and dealing with everything.

"Come on, love. Time to face the day...together."

Camila took a deep breath, and finally opened her eyes. She couldn't hide away anymore.

***

The next few days were hard on everyone. After she had to tell Sofi what had happened, Camila had asked Lauren to bring them back home, holding her devastated little sister in her arms during the whole ride. With a hidden parting kiss, Camila had squared up her shoulders and went in, determined to help. So, for the past few days, she had helped inform everyone, set up the funerals, prepare for the arrival of those that could make it and reassured those who couldn't, and all of that with a brave face. She knew she had to hold it back, because she didn't think she could do all that if she cracked, she would probably melt in a puddle of sorrow right there and then.

No, she only let herself break down at night, in the security of Lauren's arms, the only place where she felt she wouldn't lose herself if she let go. Nobody batted an eye when, each evening after dinner, Lauren's car would park in front of the house, and Lauren would wait in front of it, most times not making it to the porch before Camila was rushing to her.

Sinu and Alejandro had been really worried the first day, seeing their daughter repressing her own sorrow to the benefit of the other's, but then Lauren had come, and Camila's demeanor had changed, becoming more vulnerable. Every morning her blood pressure was good, so they let her deal in her own way, being more grateful for Lauren than ever.

Days were passing slowly for Lauren, staying away was hard, but that was what Camila had sked for, saying that she wouldn't be able to hold it in if Lauren was around, and there was nothing she wouldn't do for her, no matter how hard it was. She spent her days checking her phone, restless until Camila would finally send her a message to tell her to come get her. Her car keys were never leaving her pockets those days. She was trying to occupy herself, spending time with family and friends, but she could never really get into it, Camila being constantly at the forefront of her mind. She knew it was aggravating the people around her, but she couldn't help it. There was this ache in the middle of her chest whenever Camila was out of her sight, an anguish that couldn't suppress. Even now, sitting with her legs in the pool as her siblings were swimming around, she could do nothing more than think about what Camila might be doing, only mindlessly listening to whatever Chris and Taylor were talking about.

"Mija! I got what you wanted to try the tacos recipes!"

Now that was one thing that helped her through the day. After having dropped off Camila and Sofi, Lauren had decided to do research on HBP in the afternoon, when her mom had went up around 6pm to see what she was doing locked up in her room all day, she had found her daughter browsing through recipes for HPB, and had sat down next to her, looking things up with her. Since then, nearly everyday they would try a new recipe together. They had both become experts at things like banana-cocoa soy smoothies, curried squash and chicken soup or bean burgers, and knew all about how to cook with beetroots. Today, they were tackling 'Beer-Battered Fish Tacos with Tomato & Avocado Salsa' and 'Carne Asada Tacos.'

It was the only thing that made her feel useful during the day, she was preparing for when they would be back on the road. She felt bad thinking that, but she couldn't wait. As much as she loved her family, just too much had happened for her to be able to enjoy anything while away of her baby. Sometimes she would have a big rush of fear and panic, just like when Camila called out for her on stage. It was rational, it would happen at random times, but in those moments she couldn't help but call her. Seeing her would have been thousands of times better, but hearing her voice would still slow down her frantically beating heart. She would always just pretend that she was just checking on her, making sure she was okay, but the truth was that she was doing it for her own benefit.

"If you think I'm going to cut all that on my own, you're dead wrong, mija! Wash your hands, and come help me!"

With a little smile she joined her mom in the kitchen, going through her now usual routine of getting ready to cook.

"Do you want to come with us this afternoon? Your sister and I are going shopping at the mall."

"Hmm, no. I have something planned this afternoon."

"Going out with the girls?"

"No...I have an appointment."

"For work?"

"No, just a medical check-up."

"Are you okay, nena?"

She had barely finished talking that her mom had already put her hand on her forehead.

"I'm fine, mom! I just want to check that everything's okay since I have the time."

"You're right, better be safe than sorry! Well, if you're done early, you can just come and join us if you want!"

Lauren gave her a placating smile and nod. She wouldn't go to the mall, she could pretend that it was because there were more risks of being recognized there, but really the mall was an hour away from Camila's house, and she just refused to be that far away from her so close to the end of the day. The 15-minute drive seemed long enough as it was!

She quietly helped her mom prepare the meal and serve everyone. Everybody loved it, but she hardly picked at it, too lost in her thoughts to really enjoy food right now. On top of her daily worries for Camila, she now also had that medical appointment to worry about. It wasn't exactly a check-up as she had told her mom. After days of trying to ignore it, she had come to the conclusion that she had to go see her doctor about her "mama milk" as Camila called it. Instead of tapering off, her supplies only seemed to be growing bigger with time. She didn't mind, and honestly it was probably one of the main reason Camila managed to get any rest those days, but it still wasn't normal, and she was too scared of what kind of things she might find if she looked it up online. She'd rather just go see a doctor than give herself a cancer scare!

It was now 2:30, and Lauren was anxiously waiting in the doctor's waiting room. When her name was called, she jumped slightly, her nerves getting the best of her. She made her way to the doctor's office, and was thankful that it felt so familiar. Dr. Elroy had been her doctor since she was a child, and Lauren always felt safe to discuss anything with the woman. Still, this one wasn't going to be easy.

"Hi Lauren! It's been a long time! How are you doing?"

"I'm good, Dr. Elroy."

"Well that's not something I'm used to hear often in this office! How can I help you?"

"Well...It's a rather delicate matter...Whatever is said here stays between us, right?"

"Of course! Unless it might bring harm to you or someone else. Nothing too bad I hope?"

"No! I just...How can I explain that...I'm...I'm producing milk?"

"Oh!"

"And I'm not pregnant, haven't had sex with a guy in well over a year."

"Well, it can be due to stress, sometimes hormones can play weird tricks on us."

"... It's been going on for nearly a week now."

"Well...That is peculiar...Any changes in your life recently? I mean apart from the obvious!"

It was always funny how her doctor would always have this moment where she would suddenly remember that Lauren wasn't this normal teenager she had known for her whole life anymore. She would have probably laughed if she didn't feel that uncomfortable.

"Uhm..."

"Any changes in your diet? Work-out schedule? Maybe more intimate things?"

Well...I have a girlfriend now."

"Congratulation! Well, I assume you guys are getting...intimate?"

"Uhm, progressively, we haven't really done...it so far..."

God, why did she have to be so awkward?

"Okay...Let's be blunt, does she touches your breasts a lot? I feel like there's something you're not telling me, Lauren."

Dr. Elroy was always the best at making her put all her cards on the table.

"...We...uhm...I nurse her?"

"Nurse her? For the past week you mean?"

"No, for a month or something like this. There was no milk involved, it's just..."

"A relaxing thing, right? I actually have a client that went through something similar...As she been nursing regularly?"

"Everyday, uhm, at night mostly."

"5-8 times a day at regular times, right?"

Lauren was a bit stunned.

"Probably? I haven't really been paying attention to be honest."

"Any soreness recently?"

"Yes! They still get sore in the evening now, but it used to be all day long before."

"Do you mind if I examine you quickly?"

Lauren let her examine her, still trying to get a handle on her embarrassment as the doctor was carefully palpating her chest. The doctor kept nodding to herself through the process.

"So, what is it?"

"Well, I'm positive made you induce."

"What do you mean?"

"By nursing often and regularly, she sent the message to your brain to start milk production... It's not exactly common, especially because of the psychological aspect, but it seems that it still happened."

"Psychological aspect?"

"Yes, for your body to produce milk this way, you need to actually want it, your brain needs to associate the nursing action with the nurturing aspect of breastfeeding. That's usually the part women really struggle with when trying to induce naturally. More and more adoptive mothers try to induce before the arrival of their babies, which is a great way to bond with the child and get rid of any nutritious deficiencies, but many struggle with this part of the process, especially since they mostly only use breast pumps which makes it a bit harder to picture! They tend to turn to different medicines to force the induction, but your body is made to answer the call if it is ever made."

It took a minute for Lauren to process all of this, one thing didn't make sense, though.

"But there's hardly anything? It's just drops and little streams!"

"Well, Rome wasn't built in a day! And it's normal, picture a new-born baby, do you really think he could handle as much milk as a 3-months old, for example? And it's even more normal in your case, your body just got the message a month ago, future mothers prepare their body for 9 months!"

"So...What...?"

Lauren started rubbing her face. It was a bit overwhelming.

"Well, it will stop if your girlfriend stop nursing. It's good that you don't have much, the necessary engorgement is always painful, but might be less since you..."

The doctor just stared at Lauren, there was something in her eyes that made her stop talking. She contemplated the situation for a second before starting again.

"...That is if you want to stop? Otherwise...Well I guess I could prescribe you some sort of supplements to speed up the process."

"If...If I chose the second option...What would it entail exactly? I-I'm not...I don't know much about all...this. I just want to consider both options."

"How about this: I have some pamphlets about breastfeeding here, you can take some with you, I'll write the prescriptions for what you might need, and you can just decide in your own time what you want to do, okay? And if you have any questions you can pass by my office or just call me."

Lauren was still staring at the fancy drinking bird the doctor had had on display for as long as Lauren could remember. All made of glass with a red liquid in it, it used to obsess Lauren as a kid. It's little head bopping in and out of the water. Shots took 1 dip, blood pressure checking took 2 dips, stitches on her thumb had taken 6 dips, maybe if she waited just a few more dips things would clear up.

She didn't know what she was feeling, or even how she should be feeling. One dip. Well, relieved that she wasn't dying was one, probably. Weirded out should be in there somewhere, right? Fear was definitely present, right there at the front. Two dips. But as for the mess of other things running though her mind, she wasn't too sure. There was one thing, though, that was making its way to the front. Fast. Three dips. Urgency, a freaking urge to see Camila, to have her close. She was the one in charge, but right now she didn't think she could do this on her own. Four dips. One tear. Oh great! She was crying now! She didn't even know why! And her breasts were throbbing again, perfect!

"...Maybe we should try something plant based for you. I don't think adding anymore hormones to the mix would be a good idea."

"I'm coming on my periods..."

The doctor just handed her a tissue box, and gently rubbed her back.

"There's nothing to worry about. No matter what your decision will be, your body will adjust. If you stop, apart from the fact that your breasts will be better prepared if they ever need to lactate again. If you decide to go on, as long as you keep a regular schedule there should be no issue. You'll get to know your body better, be more in tune with it. I know women tend to be afraid of leaks and stuff, but it's far easier to control than you might think. It's all in the pamphlet, anyway."

Lauren nodded, finally taking her eyes off of the little bird.

"Thanks, doc."

"No problem, Lauren. Come on, I'll walk you out."

Pamphlets and prescription safely hidden in her purse, Lauren made her way back to her car. She mechanically started driving, only realizing where she was heading once she was nearly there. She parked, but didn't leave the car. She shouldn't be there. It was the one thing she could do for Camila, but today it was just too much. Tears were springing to her eyes and her hands were shaking.

The truth was, it had nothing to do per se with what the doctor had told her. It was just the last straw. That last bop of the little bird's head before it dipped down in the water. Everything was still too present in her mind, good and bad mixing up into something chaotic: all her memories from the times Camila got hurt, but then also all their private moments where they could just forget about the rest of the world. Images flashing back and forth, just rushing through her mind as more and more tears were rushing down her cheeks. She was trying so hard to calm down. She knew she should put her car in reverse and turn right to go back home...but she couldn't do it. She needed Camila so bad...Being away was a torture, and it didn't make sense. She had never felt like this before toward anyone, there just was this constant urge to be close to her, the second Camila left her arms in the morning, it would start again, until she would be back in them at night.

She was trying to be strong, but her mind was still reeling with the image of Camila holding onto her on stage, the haunting sound of her voice calling for her, her frantic breath, her pale face...Each time she would close her eyes she would see it again, just as each time she fell asleep, the images would follow her in her dreams, making up different endings, more and more dramatic each time, sometimes mixing up with the image of Pipo lying dead in his hospital bed...

She thought she could deal with it on her own, but each day was getting harder. She was trying to be there for her family, taking the time to also spend some time with her friend, because she knew it was important for them. It was important for her too, but that wasn't what she wanted right now. All she wanted and needed was Camila. She just needed her close, feel her breath against her skin, her pulse against her fingers, she needed a reprieve from all that mess that was this past week. So there she was. Crying in her car in front of Camila's house, because she didn't know what to do with all those feelings anymore. If she could have, she would have stopped time the morning of their last concert, or maybe during their shower at the hospital. Sometimes it felt as if she hadn't felt warm since that shower. Things were just so much easier when it was just the two of them...

The sudden sound of someone tapping on her window startled her so bad that she jumped.

"Mija, are you okay? What's going on?"

Great, now Sinu had found her. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't stop sobbing.

"Come on, sweetie, let's go in, okay?"

Without a word she finally turned the car off, and followed Sinu inside.

"Here, I'll make you some tea, okay?"

Sinu had led her to the kitchen, and sat her down at the table, grabbing a tissue box as she was running around preparing the tea and some biscuits.

"Camila just went to go get Sofi from her friend's house, they'll be there in 10 minutes, okay?"

That only made her cry harder, those ten minutes just felt like centuries away. She needed Camila so bad...

"Lauren, can you tell me if you're hurt? Did something happen?"

Lauren just shook her head frantically. She didn't mean to worry anyone...that only made her cry harder. She didn't mean to break down like this, she didn't want to burden anyone. Sinu had just lost her father and there she was! Crying because she had to wait 10 minutes to see her girlfriend!

"Mami! We're home! Mami? What's? Lauren?"

Next thing, Camila was rushing toward her, and the second her hands made contact with Lauren's face, the taller girl felt something break inside her, and could nothing but hold onto Camila as hard as she could, ready to face the tempest of her raw feelings finally rushing through her...

Chapter Text

“Lauren? Babe, what’s wrong? Are you okay? Mom! What’s happening?”

“I don’t know, Mija! I found her crying in her car in front of the house! I brought her inside and made some tea but she wouldn’t say anything. I tried calling Clara, but she’s not answering!”

‘N-no…Don’t call her!”

“Lauren, can you tell me what’s wrong, then?”

“…I’m sorry…I’m so sorry, Camz…”

Her tears were not stopping, if anything it was getting worse. On top of all her worries, guilt was now building up. She was making a scene at the Cabellos, being a cry baby when clearly they had enough going on as it was.

“I’ll go, I’m sorry, so sorry…”

“Babe. You’re not going anywhere, you hear me?”

Camila grabbed her face, scanning Lauren’s eyes, trying to understand what had happened. She looked desperate, but she didn’t know why.

“What’s wrong, Lo?”

Lauren finally caved, bringing Camila closer to her, and hiding against her stomach.

“I-I…You…I’m so sorry…”

“Shh, let’s go to my room, okay?”

Camila helped her to her feet, letting her lean against her side. Sinu was watching the scene, still not understanding what was going on.

“Mija, is she okay?”

“She will, mami. Can you tell everyone to not disturb us?”

“Sure, no problem.”

“Thanks, I’ll see you later.”

She then started walking up the stairs with Lauren still crying in her arms, and made her way to her room, locking the door behind her just to be safe. She settled with Lauren in bed, pulling her girlfriend close to her.

“Babe, are you hurt anywhere?”

Lauren just shook her head against her neck, she didn’t think she could talk just yet.

“Okay, that’s good.”

Camila then started peppering her hair with kisses, one of her hands going under her shirt to gently draw patterns with her nails on her back. It felt like Lauren needed some time to recollect herself and she had no problem with that. It felt good to have Lauren so close, the day had been hard, and she didn’t mind being the one reassuring the other for once. She also felt bad, she knew that Lauren wasn’t feeling as well as she was pretending to be those past few days. She knew her too well to fell for her reassuring words, but she hadn’t done anything, thinking that Lauren would come to her eventually…well…guess she did.

Soon enough, Lauren was able to calm down, Camila’s body under her rooting her to reality again. She was right there, alive and well, her chest making her body rise and fall with each breath.

“Do you feel better, love?”

“…Yeah.”

“Good, do you think you can tell me what happened?”

“It’s stupid…I doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me.”

“It’s nothing, forget about it.”

“Lauren…”

“I swear it’s okay, I just…I had a bad moment, but you shouldn’t worry about it, you have a lot of things going one, I was just being stupid-”

“Lauren.”

“-Know what, I’ll go. I’m sorry I disturbed your day, just text me when you want to me to pick you up tonight. I’m sorry.”

“Lauren! Stop it!”

Camila raised voice disturbed Lauren from her down spiraling thoughts.

“Sit down. Now.”

She did so in a daze.

“Lauren look at me. Why are you keeping me out?”

“I’m not! I’m fine!”

“No you’re not, you haven’t been fine for days, why do you keep lying to me? You can’t just hide things from me, Lauren! How am I supposed to help you then?”

“You don’t have to.”

Camila did a double take at that.

“What are you talking about? It’s not about having to, but wanting to. I love you Lauren!”

“It’s okay, baby.  Don’t worry, okay? I’m all good.”

Lauren went to pull her in her arms, but Camila moved away.

“No. I’m not the one that needs cuddles right now. I know our dynamic helps you too, but you can’t hide behind it, love.”

Camila kneeled in front of Lauren, and put her hands on Lauren’s cheeks. Lauren’s face furrowed in confusion, making her look just like a lost puppy which made Camila smile. Her eyes were red and puffy, but still the most beautiful green Camila had ever seen.

“I’m not!”

“Yes, you are, and it’s unfair to me and to you. Lauren, am I only your Little?”

“Of course not! You’re the love of my life!”

This time she chuckled, going for a peck because of the determination in her eyes and in her voice as she said it.

“God I love you so much… See, I’m your girlfriend too, and I’m here for you, just like you’re here for me. Not everything can be dealt with with ageplay. As much as it can be therapeutic, we can’t let it become our only way to go through stuff. The key to any relationship is open and honest communication. I can take it, baby. You don’t need to protect me all the time, and it’s not because I have things to deal with too, that I can’t be there for you. We’re equals in this, and I can’t have you thinking otherwise.”

“I don’t! I swear!”

“Then why are you hiding things from me?”

Lauren didn’t know what to answer. Camila was right, she was hiding things. Of course, she wanted Camila to be her equal, and she was! Even in the dynamic, she only had as much power as Camila let her have! It was just easier to not mention certain things, she was already so overwhelmed by her own feelings that adding them to Camila’s felt selfish and unnecessary, and there was always that fear…

“I…I don’t know…It’s just…What if it’s too much?”

“If what is too much, baby?”

“…Me? What if…”

She just started crying again, the words being drowned by her tears.

“Babe! Come here. You’re never too much, okay? Why would ever believe that?”

“How would you know?”

“I love you, if anything there’s just never enough of you for me.”

“You can’t say that, you don’t know!”

“Then tell me.”

“…I can’t lose you…”

“You won’t lose me over this, but you might lose me if I feel like you’re not being a 100% honest with me.”

That did nothing to calm Lauren down, but Camila kept gently stroking her cheeks, wiping away tears. After a bit of silence, Camila put her forehead against Lauren’s.

“Do you trust me, Lauren?”

The words were said in a whisper, with such vulnerability that Lauren knew she had to come out and say it.

“With my life.”

“Then just tell me. No more bottling up emotions, okay?”

“That’s my line.”

“Well then apply your own words of wisdom, smarty-pants.”

They smiled at each other for a bit, their heads still touching. Lauren closed her eyes and took a big breath.

“I…I’m scared…I’m constantly scared.”

“Of what?”

“That this is all a dream, that you’re not here with me, that reality is what I’ve been dreaming of for the past week…That you never made it out of stage…That you’re gone, and that I’m going to wake up and you won’t be there.”

Lauren broke down in heartbreaking sobs. She hadn’t dared say those words out loud before, not ever wanting to let such ideas out in the universe. Yet, now that it was out, it’s like she couldn’t stop them anymore, and they kept on fleeing out of her mouth.

“I just…Everytime I’m not with you, there’s this irrepressible doubt in my mind, and I can’t…Fuck! I can hardly function at all! And I know you need some space, and your family is going through some awful times, and I’m so sorry, I swear I’m trying! But I feel like if I don’t hold you close you’ll just slip through my fingers, and I can’t lose you, Camila! I nearly did once, and I can’t, I know I can’t! That day, those two hours where I didn’t know how you were doing, that was the worst moment of my life. Nothing ever hurt like that. Thinking that maybe I might lose you? That you could be gone before I ever told you how much I loved you? That you might have thought that I hated you? It killed me Camila! And I swore to you back then that I would never let something like that ever happen to you again, but I failed! I’m just not good enough, and I’m so sorry, but I can’t let go… Not now that I have you, you’re…you’re my whole life, baby.”

By the end she was hyperventilating, it felt like her lungs were seizing, and her throat closing up. There were spots in front of her eyes, which was the only thing she could discern with the torrent of tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Lauren? Breathe with me, okay? I’m right here.”

Camila tried to move around her to sit behind her, but that only made Lauren panic more, making her grab for her with shaky hands.

“Okay, I’m staying here, but you have to breathe. Come on, do like me.”

She grabbed Lauren’s hand and put it on her chest taking deep breaths and exhaling slowly. It took time, but Lauren finally managed to calm down, her head now resting on Camila’s shoulder.

“Thank you for telling me, baby. Do you want to cuddle for a bit?”

Lauren just tiredly nodded, her body exhausted after her crying fit. They lied down in bed, and Lauren opened her arms as usual for Camila to come snuggle up to her, but this time she just opened her own in answer, inviting Lauren to lie down on her.

“See? I’m right here, babe…”

Camila was more than aware of how soothing this position was. It was her favorite one during rough nights, and Lauren really understood why. There was no safer feeling than being surrounded by the person you love that way. Surprisingly, Camila also really enjoyed that change of position. Feeling Lauren’s body covering hers felt a lot more comforting than suffocating as she had thought. She started playing with Lauren’s hair, gently scratching her head, just enjoying the silence only interrupted by their own breaths. All was quiet in the room, and Lauren could finally relaxed, lulled by the rise and fall of Camila’s chest.

When she opened her eyes again, she felt disoriented. She wasn’t in her room, and the sun seemed pretty low in the sky, but she didn’t mind too much because the smell surrounding her was familiar, and knowing Camila was close was enough to make her relax again.

“Mornin’”

“More like evening, babe. How do you feel?”

“Good. What time is it?”

“It’s nearly 8.”

Lauren jusn t sighed and burrowed a bit more against Camila’s neck.

“It’s time to get up, Lo or you won’t sleep tonight.”

Lauren just whined. She was so warm and comfy right now! They hadn’t moved during their nap, so she was still on top of Camila’s warm body. Camila let out a chuckle that made her lift her head.

“Don’t laugh at me.”

“It’s just really funny to see our roles being reversed. See? Doesn’t feel that great to be made to get up when you’re all comfy, huh?”

Lauren smiled for the first time since her break down, and Camila felt pretty proud of herself…until Lauren started tickling her!

“Such a little brat!”

“Hahahah! No! Lo, stop!!”

Lauren finally stopped just as Camila was about to push her off her body. She slid to her side instead, and brought Camila along with her, nuzzling against her nose.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize if you’re just going to tickle me again in the next few days. I know you Lauren Jauregui!”

“Not for that…”

“For what, then?”

“This whole…breakdown. I’m sorry.”

“Baby, I never want to hear you apologize for this, you hear me?”

“But it’s stupid…”

“What did I say about this? Your feelings are not stupid or irrelevant. You can’t compare pains, one way or another it’s hurting you, and that’s always important to me, okay?”

“You just lost your grandpa and nearly had a heart attack!”

“Yes, and I’m doing pretty fine because I have you by my side. And you’re hurting, but you’ll do fine too, because you have me right there for you, okay?”

“I’m just being needy and clingy…”

“And I love you all clingy and needy for me, makes me feel better about being that way too.”

Camila playfully stuck out her tongue at her, and Lauren couldn’t help a little smile at how cute she was. There was a vulnerability in Lauren’s eyes that Camila had rarely seen. It was frustrating, but she knew she had to be patient, Lauren wasn’t the kind of person you could rush into a confession. As long as she had known her, she always had to gently coax Lauren, or else she would just clam up.

“Mijas! Dinner’s ready!”

“Come on, my aunts got here this morning, and they spent the whole in the kitchen! Let’s go see what Cuban wonders they made!”

“I don’t want to impose.”

In answer to this, Lauren’s stomach started grumbling.

“Move your butt, let’s go!”

Camila grabbed her hand and dragged her all the way to the table, forcing her to sit down before going to help her mom and her aunts bring in the plates. Tables had been brought in to accommodate everyone. Now that everyone had arrived for the funerals, the atmosphere had shifted. There were children running around, the men were smoking some Cuban cigars outside, and Camila smiled seeing her dad cough up some smoke and hearing her uncles laughing at him about being too Mexican to smoke such wonders. The women were setting up everything, switching from English to Spanish every couple words. Her eyes wandered to Popi’s portrait on the mantelpiece with a sad smile. This was exactly what he would have wanted, his family, all gathered, celebrating his life rather than mourning his death.

She felt Lauren’s hand gently wipe a tear away on her cheek before she even felt the tear itself. Without a word, she grabbed her hand, and kissed it with a loving smile. She laced their fingers, and let their hands lie on her thigh. For once she didn’t feel like crumbling in tears, it still hurt, but tonight it felt like Popi was right there with them at the table. Long gone were the quiet dinners where everybody’s throat was just too tight to start a conversation. No, tonight, everybody took a turn telling a story about him, and they laughed, and cried, and really paid tribute to the man they all loved dearly.

Camila didn’t let go of Lauren for a second: holding her hand, putting her arm over the back of her chair, resting against her side, hooking her calf with hers…She needed the connection as much as she could feel her girlfriend needed it. She could feel the eyes of various family members on them, but she didn’t care. She wasn’t ashamed, she even laughed when her cousin Darrell not so discreetly gave her the thumbs up, winked and mouthed that she’d chosen well. Damn right she did. She didn’t feel like overthinking the situation for once, this was her family, it was a safe place, and the grin on Lauren’s face was making it all worth it.

She was also letting her dot on her to her heart’s content. Clearly, she never minded the brunette’s attention, a bit less when she was putting more greens on her plate, but she would just roll her eyes and eat them. She couldn’t hold any of this against her. She could only imagine how she would feel if it had been Lauren that had had the crisis on stage. She could still remember how helpless she had felt when Lauren’s grandma had passed away. She had been after her constantly, offering hugs or just holding her hand whenever she felt like Lauren was going to cry. Letting her go on that plane back home alone for the funerals had been so hard. She wanted nothing more than to go with her, just to know that she was doing okay, and she hadn’t even realized the depth of her feelings for her back then! She couldn’t imagine what it would feel like if something was to happen to her now. She didn’t know why Lauren felt so bad and ashamed about it. She wanted to ask, but also knew that she probably wouldn’t get any answers right now. It was fine, she had all the time in the world, in the meantime she would just make sure to show her that it was okay and valid to feel this way. As much as Lauren was always telling her the contrary, it was still partly her fault, and it didn’t sit right with her that she was the source of so much anxiety to the woman she loved.

Lauren was finally feeling at peace, things felt right, she didn’t feel like she had to hide for once. She had been hesitant at first, but the fact that nobody seemed to be paying particular attention to them and Camila’s behavior had managed to make her forget about her apprehension. Throughout the meal she had let herself monitor what Camila was eating, making sure she wasn’t adding salt or trying to stray away from the veggies. It was all going well until they brought a pitcher of Sangria to go with the dessert. It was Pipo’s recipe, and everybody’s favorite. When Camila handed both their glass to her aunt, Lauren couldn’t help but frown.

“Camila, you know you can’t have alcohol.”

“Just one glass, Lauren. It won’t do anything!”

“Camila.”

“Lauren.”

Camila gave her puppy eyes, and Lauren caved after a bit. One glass wasn’t the end of the world.

“Okay, but one glass and that’s it, baby.”

“Mija, let my daughter leave a little!”

Sinu wasn’t at her first glass, her sisters, aunts and her had been drinking some rosé while cooking, and she never had much resistance to alcohol to begin with.

“I’m sorry, Sinu. It’s just that she’s not supposed to have alcohol with her medication and condition.”

“Lauren, are you telling me I’m not taking good care of my daughter?”

“What? No! Sinu, of course not!”

“Then stop being like this, Mija. It’s a nice evening, just enjoy! You’re an amazing friend, but you need to stop worrying so much.”

This struck a nerve, all her of insecurities flooded back in her system at once. She was too much. All she wanted to do right now was get up and flee, but she was frozen in place.

“Mom, stop it!”

“I’m saying that for her, mija!”

“Sinu, I think you’ve had enough for tonight.”

Alejandro grabbed her glass and poured it back in the pitcher, filling it up with fresh water instead. He looked back at Lauren to send her an apologetic look, but the girl was looking down at her lap, her face still flushed and her shoulders hunched. He oriented his gaze for Camila instead.

“Hey, girls, do you think you could go get some napkins in the kitchen for the dessert?”

Camila sent him a little grateful smile, grabbing Lauren’s hand and walking to the kitchen with her. As they passed, Alejandro gently patted Lauren’s arm in reassurance.  

Once in the kitchen, Camila made Lauren sit on one of the stools, and sat on her lap facing her.

“She’s just had a bit too much. The funerals are tomorrow, so she’s been tensed all day. They thought some alcohol might help her calm down, but her alcohol tolerance as always been pretty low…”

“It’s okay.”

“No it’s not. It hurt you, and I’m sorry. And I’m sure she’ll feel bad once she’ll sober up.”

“She’s right, though. I’m too much.”

“No you’re not. Look at me.”

Lauren finally lifted up her face.

“You’re not too much, you worry, and that’s normal, okay? You have every right to feel this way. I’d probably be a mess if our roles were reversed.”

“I’m a mess.”

“No you’re not. You’ve just been taking care of me.”

For some reason, her embarrassment and self-hate just made her angry.

“No! Fuck, Camila! I’ve been miserable! I could barely function during the day! It shouldn’t be like this! I’m…That’s too much! I’m too much! And you think it’s fine now, but then you’re going to start thinking it’s annoying, and…and you’re going to be fed up with it! With me! And I can’t…”

She started rubbing her temples, her mind was running too fast for her.

“Lauren, slow down. It’s not too much. You’re not too much, you hear me? And if anyone ever made you feel that way then fuck them! They just didn’t deserve to have someone love them that hard, alright?”

“You don’t know that. Now you’re fine, but what about later on?”

“Baby. I’m not going anywhere, alright? You better get use to this, cause I’ll still sat my fat and sagging ass on your lap when we’ll both be grey. I don’t even care if you don’t want of me anymore. You’re stuck with me, alright?”

“…Your ass is not sagging.”

Camila couldn’t help but roll her eyes. Of course, that would be what she would comment on!

“Maybe not now, but by then, it will. Just look at my aunt Isadora!”

That did manage to pull a teeny tiny smile out of Lauren.

“You just don’t do things halfway, babe. You live hard, and you love hard, it’s one of the things that made me fall for you in the first place.”

Lauren looked back up at her, her insecurities still clearly visible in her eyes.

“How about this: if I ever feel it’s too much, I’ll tell you about it. Open and honest communication, remember? I want this as much as you do, and I’ll fight for it, okay?”

That seemed to be the words Lauren needed to hear. She finally gave her a little nod, and Camila answered by pulling her into a loving kiss. It was soft and non-hurried, none of them fighting for dominance or trying to escalate things. The sound of someone clearing their throat finally put them out of their trance.

“Dinner’s over, girls. We left some out for you. I put your mother in bed, and we’re about to clear up the table. Just a little heads’ up.”

He added a little wink at the end on top of his little smirk. Both girls were still crimson, frozen in place. Camila started alternating between looking at her girlfriend and her dad.

“Uh…”

“Don’t worry, mija. A father always know. You chose well. Welcome in the family Lauren.”

With a chuckle and a little wave, he left the room, leaving Camila still sitting on Lauren gapping at her dad.

“Did he just…? I…”

“Well…I guess that went better and quicker than I thought?”

When they heard voices coming their way, they finally got up, and walked back to the table to help. Once everything was back in the kitchen, they were shooed out, and told them to go get some dessert before the kids stole it. The women had outdone themselves, and the girls were able to pick a few, stealing a spoonful of flan or a bite of banana casserole, until they were full.

“Do you want to go, babe?”

“Oh…uhm, so you’re coming with me?”

“Yeah? I mean, is it a problem?”

“NO! No, I just maybe you’d want to stay since the funerals are tomorrow, and I sort of crashed in on your day with your family-”

“Hey! Big breath, love. You didn’t crash in on anything, and that doesn’t change the fact that I want to be with you tonight, okay?”

Lauren swallowed back her nerves and nodded, still feeling a bit out of sort. Her stomach was still in knots, and she could feel the beginning of a headache. This day had been a bit too much for her.

“I’ll go grab my things, and we’ll go, okay?”

Five minutes later she was back downstairs, with a set of keys in hand.

“Do you feel like going on a small adventure?”

Lauren couldn’t resist that smile, so she agreed. They went back to her house to get their things and went back on the road. They drove for a good 20 minutes out of town, until they arrived in front of a small old fisherman’s cottage. It didn’t look like much, but it was right on the beach, in the middle of nowhere.

“Where are we?”

“That was my Popi and I’s favorite place. It was owned by one of his best friends that came to leave in Florida. When he died, he gave it to my grandpa. We would come here in the summer, never for long, just a weekend or a few days. Popi would always say that it would lose of its magic if we came too often.”

Camila opened the door with ease, things were a bit dusty, but nothing had been moved inside. The place was pretty plain apart from one thing. The roof in the living room had been replaced by a glass roof. Without any of the lights turned on yet, thousands of stars could be seen through it.

“Wow…I’ve never seen that many stars in Miami.”

“Yeah…We’re pretty far from the city, no light pollution here.”

Camila was going around, taking off drapes of the furniture, turning the power and water back on, opening up the blinds, her moves clear and precise, more like muscle memory than anything else by now.

“Can you come help me?”

Lauren had still been standing under the glass panel, captivated by the sight.

“Sure.”

“Okay, help me grab that mattress, it’s a bit heavy so be careful.”

And it was! Her grandpa had changed it a few years ago, now too old to sleep on the old one they had first brought in. The good thing was that it was the nicest mattress Camila had ever slept on so she wasn’t complaining. She guided Lauren until the mattress was under the glass roof, letting herself fall on it.

“Is that what you guys used to do?”

“Yeah, Popi taught me all I know about the stars. He’s the one who told me about the story of the moon and the sun.”

Lauren went and lied down beside her, pulling her against her side.

“Show me.”

Camila got comfortable, curling around her and putting her head against her shoulder.

“Well, you got Ursa Major and Minor over there.”

“The ploughs.”

“Yup, do you see the square somewhere under it?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s Pegasus and Andromeda. It used to be my favorite one, then my grandpa took me to ride a horse, and I realized that horses were just scary.”

Lauren started laughing at that, which made Camila laugh in turn.

“So what became your favorite one, then?”

“Canis major. The dog, much safer!”

Lauren laughed even more.

“Do you see Orion’s belt?”

“Yeah, I know this one.”

“Okay, so if you look under it, there’s another bright star, that’s Sirius.”

“I see it.”

“On the right you got a triangle, that’s the head, then on the left you’ve got another star a bit brighter than the others, that’s its front leg. Going down from Sirius, there’s Delta, that’s his butt and then on the left its back leg, and up its tail. Do you see it?”

When Camila looked back at Lauren, she was watching her instead of the ceiling.

“You didn’t watch!”

Lauren just smiled and kissed her instead, silencing her.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

They just cuddled close for a bit, enjoying the moment, and all the stars shining above them.

“It’s an amazing place.”

“…It’s ours, now.”

“What do you mean?”

“Popi told my grandma to give me the keys. He had already done the papers. He gave to me. She wanted to wait until tomorrow. We decided to wait until the funerals to go to the notary to read his will, but she thought we could use some quiet tonight.”

Lauren just pulled her closer against her, kissing her forehead.

“Lau?”

“Hm?”

“You think you could come with me tomorrow? For the funerals?”

“Of course, baby.”

They stayed silent, letting the soft lull of the sea soothe them. Just as she was really getting comfortable, the soreness in Lauren’s chest came back, reminding her of her appointment. The words of Camila came back to her “open and honest communication”…She had to do it.

“Camila?”

“Yeah?”

“I…I went to the doctor today.”

Camila got back on her knees so fast that it startled Lauren.

“What? Are you okay?”

Lauren gently grabbed the hand that was already checking her temperature on her forehead.

“I’m fine! I-I went for my breasts.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah…”

“Is there a problem? Should we worry?”

Lauren couldn’t help a smile at the “we”, it was silly, but it felt really good to know that she wasn’t in this alone.

“No, not really, but…It’s not just a hormonal thing.”

“What is it, then?”

“Lactation. Like, actual lactation.”

“How did this happen?...Are you…?”

“Pregnant? No!”

“I’m sorry, but how then?”

“Nursing, apparently. Our body automatically produce milk if solicited enough, and well…You solicited enough it seems.”

Camila was at loss for words. Was she supposed to say sorry? She had no idea it could do this. Deep down, a part of her was really excited at the idea, but she didn’t know how Lauren felt about it.

“So…What should we do?”

To be honest, she was pretty scared that Lauren was about to tell her they were going to have to stop. Just the idea was making her panic a bit, but no matter what she would accept Lauren’s decision.

“Well…There’s only two options…either stopping, or getting supplements to help things along…”

“What do you want to do, babe?”

“I…I have no idea.”

Lauren’s eyes were full of doubt, her piercing green eyes scanning over hers.

“You should do what you feel is best, Lauren. It’s your body.”

“But it’s not just me.”

“I’d never force you to choose one way or another!”

“I know…but if we make it stop, we need to stop nursing, and if we continue, well I’ll need you to help me. We’ll have to have a schedule for breastfeeding, we’ll have to regulate the amount of milk and everything…”

Talking about it was making Camila feel little, she was fighting it, but all she wanted to do was beg her mama to keep her mama milk, and let her help her. Just thinking about it, her thumb was already going up to her mouth, nibbling once on her teeth before she was realized what she was doing.

“I’ll help no matter what you decide to do, I promise. I know things are not…easy, but I’ll be there for you.”

Lauren gently stroked her cheek, she could see her baby was slipping but resisting it. One of her hands was already playing with Lauren’s shirt.

“Is that something you’d like? For mama to breastfeed you?”

Camila couldn’t help a little whine, mama was making staying Big really hard right now. That was what Lauren wanted though, she knew her baby wouldn’t hold back on her the way Big Camila might.

“It…It feels good…It’s sweet and warm, and it’s all mama…It feels really safe, mama. And special. Just us.”

“Yeah, baby…Just us.”

Camila closed her eyes, trying to clear her mind.

“But I know it’s complicated right now. We’re on tour, and schedules are hard to make during those, and there’s always people around…”

Lauren’s smile turner a bit sad, she wanted to give the world to her baby, but she was also aware of those facts, which were the main reason why she was hesitating.

“I know, love. Mama needs to think about it for a bit longer.”

“Okay…Mama?”

“Hm-hm?”

“…Does it mean we can’t nurse tonight?”

Camila was still playing with Lauren’s shirt, she couldn’t look mama in the eyes, and was biting on her lower lip anxiously. It was part of their routine now, and it was hard to conceive that maybe, tonight, mama wouldn’t let her nurse.

“No, baby. Actually, until mama makes her decision, mama needs you to keep nursing, do you think you can be mama’s good little helper?”

Camila happily nodded, feeling relieved that the bad thoughts could be pushed away for now. As she tried to help mama pull off her shirt, mama stopped her while laughing.

“Wait a second, baby! Let’s change first, alright?”

Camila thus turned her effort toward taking off her own shirt, but got stuck in the process.

“MAMA!”

“What’s…Baby!”

Lauren had left the room for literally 5 seconds to go grab their bags, and there was her baby, hopping around with her shirt over her head, but stuck at her throat. She deftly opened the top button of her shirt, and helped her pull it off.

“You should have waited for mama, baby.”

“…But I wanted to help…”

“I know, and thank you baby, but do you mind if mama changes you, tonight?”

She just shook her head, smiling like mama was.

“Good girl, then lie down on the mattress.”

Mama took care of her pull up, giving her Bobby before wiping her down. She didn’t like that part. The wipes were cold and wet, but once the pullup was in place it was all good. It made her feel clean and safe, and she knew that from now on, mama was in charge. She just had to be good, and everything would be alright.

Mama then helped her into a soft bodysuit, and didn’t bother trying to put pants on her. They brushed their teeth side by side, which was the funniest way because Camila would imitate whatever mama was doing, and they would always end up making funny faces. Mama would then wash their faces, and then they would wash their hands. It was the routine, and it felt good and safe.

“Do you want some milk first baby?”

Lauren was gently pushing back hair from her face. She loves when Camila was like this, all soft and calm, always eager for mama’s touch like a little kitten.

“Mama’s”

“Yes, you’ll have mama’s milk, but how about a bottle first?”

Camila whined and pushed herself more against Lauren while shaking her hard.

“Just mama’s.”

It was strange, Camila always wanted her nighttime shake, but after all they had for dinner it wasn’t a complete surprise either.

“Ok, baby. Let’s go to bed, then.”

Lauren pulled out all they would need, and situated herself in their usual position, both of them on their side, and let Camila open her button up shirt and latch on. Camila closed her eyes right away, with a blissful expression Lauren was still in awe in front. There was something indescribable about what this moment made her feel, seeing so much satisfaction on her baby’s face just as she could feel the pressure leave her sore bosom was like nothing she had ever experienced before. Each day it lasted a little bit longer too, it still wasn’t much, but there always was a little rush at seeing her baby be able to be fed a bit more by her.

Just then the quiet was disturbed by her phone ringing. Her phone was on the other side of Camila, so she carefully made them roll, so that she was on her hand and knees to grab it. When she saw it was her mom, she answered right away.

Turned out, her mom just wanted to check up on them and ask when they would be back tomorrow. Just as she was about to answer, she felt Camila move, the next thing, her baby was latching back on, her head just lying on the mattress, her breast being just at the right height to wedge her face under it.

“Lauren? Can you hear me, Mija?”

“Yes, sorry mom, I got distracted!”

She went on, answering all of her mom’s questions, while Camila just kept on suckling, loving the feeling of her mama’s warm breast against her face like this. She loved this position, both her arms being free. One was around Lauren’s waist, keeping her in place, while the other was gently playing with her other breast.

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow. Yes. Yes. Love you too, mom…Camila?”

Camila finally opened up her eyes, looking up guiltily at mama.

“Don’t you think it would have been more reasonable to wait until mama was done with her call?”

“Bu’ mama…Iz nursing time.”

She didn’t latch off, feeling too comfy.

“Come on, baby. Mama needs to lie back down.”

Camila whined, wanting to stay like this a bit more. Her mind kept thinking that maybe it was the last time she would nurse, and she needed this: mama’s warm body over hers, her nose pressed against her sweet smelling breast, and the even sweeter taste of her milk in her mouth.

“Baby…”

Mama’s voice wasn’t mad, so she kept on, rubbing her eyes with her fist, because the warm milk in her tummy and the sound of the waves crashing on the beach behind the house were making her sleepy.

Lauren could feel some of the despair of her baby in the way she was nursing. Her hands now gripping more than holding, her suckles harder against her skin, even her breath was faster than usual.

“Shh, it’s okay, baby. Mama’s right here. Shh…We can do this one like this, but mama will have to lie down for the next, okay? It’s far more comfy for you, than for me, little one.”

Camila could go with that, so that’s what they did, once Camila couldn’t get any more sweet drops of the first one, mama made them roll back, putting Bobby in her arms as soon as she felt her baby starting to whine. She fell asleep as she was suckling, and Lauren felt tears burn her eyes watching her. She still had some milk at the corner of her mouth, her lips stopping, then starting to suckle again from time to time, always with a little mewling sound.

Lauren knew she had to make her decision soon, not sure she could take the anguish on her baby’s face any longer. Once her choice would be made it would be easier for the both of them.

Chapter Text

Camila woke up with the sun feeling fully rested. It was always like that when she slept here, she would wake up super early, and bug Popi until he would get up to make her breakfast while she would go play on the beach. This morning, she didn’t feel like hurrying, though. The funerals were at 10:30, and it couldn’t be much later than 6, they had plenty of time. She was content, right there, comfy in the embrace of her mama. She didn’t even felt the need to pee, but maybe that had to do with how warm and bulky her pullup felt. Again, it didn’t worry her. Mama would take care of it. She hid her face from the sun against Lauren’s chest, and closed back her eyes.

Her throat was dry though…She tried looking around without leaving Lauren’s side, but she couldn’t see her bottle anywhere. That made her whine out loud, and fidget her feet a bit. She didn’t want to get up to get water! She decided to go back to her previous position, and try to forget about it.

…So thirsty…She only whined more, feeling herself getting fussy and restless. She just wanted to go back to sleep! Mama always let her bottle of water nearby at night, and just when she needed it, it wasn’t there! It was stupid, but it made her feel like weeping a bit. Next thing, she was pitifully sniffling, brushing away her tears against mama’s breasts. She wanted mama, but mama was sleeping, and she didn’t want to wake her up, but her mouth was really dry…

Mama suddenly moved, pulling her more against her body. Camila held her breath, afraid she had actually managed to wake her up, but Lauren’s breathing pattern didn’t change, still deep and regular so she let out a little sigh of relief. She tried to calm herself, and nuzzled the side of one of mama’s breast, trying to muffle her cries.

She suddenly felt something wet slide on her cheek. It was warm, but it definitely wasn’t her tears. She sat back and watched, entranced, drops of milk making their way down Lauren’s breasts. She looked up, but mama was still sleeping. Yearning started curling her stomach, she could nearly taste the sweet milk in her mouth just looking at her, how good it would feel on her parched throat…

To try and refrain herself, she grabbed Bobby and pulled her paci in her mouth, suckling hard on it. She looked down at Bobby that was silently telling her something.

“No Bo-bo…We have to as’ mama firs’.”

“I know, but she said dat maybe we would have to s’op.”

But then, Bobby ingenuously pointed at that if mama was sleeping…well mama wouldn’t know. And even if she wanted to stop, one more time wasn’t too bad. And really, it was mama’s fault for not leaving her a bottle as usual. That made sense.

“Ok, bu’ you canno’ tell mama abou’ i’! Or we’ll have to go to ze corner!”

Camila pointed a finger at him while looking into his beady eyes. Once she was sure he wouldn’t say anything, she took off her paci and laid back down to gently latch on. By now, she could sometimes get a little stream of milk on the first few pulls, and the first mouthful felt amazing. She had been so focused on her thirst that she hadn’t realized how hungry she was too, the feeling of her stomach being filled by mama’s warm milk made her relax in a way she couldn’t describe.

Lauren had moved her arm in her sleep to cover her eyes, so Camila’s free hand could freely roam on her whole front, while the other was gently swiping Bobby’s ear between her nose and mama’s breast. With her index and middle finger down like little legs, she explored mama’s soft skin, down her sternum to mama’s tummy that she loved, her abs contracting under the steps of her fingers (but still a little squishy, which was why she loved them so much), then around her navel, and up again, jumping from one rib to the next, and climbing up her other breast.  There was something hypnotizing about it, her fingers’ steps would leave little white spots that would then disappear, and as the sun was rising, their shadows would get sharper. So entranced in the moment, she didn’t even notice that Lauren was waking up, the light touches on some of her ticklish spots making her rouse slowly.

Somewhere lost between awake and sleep, Lauren could feel each of her movements, her fingers “walking” over her ribs, her hair lightly tickling her arm and her warm cheek against it, but most of all she could feel her rhythmic suckles. It would stop from time to time, followed by the sound of her baby swallowing, sometimes even unlatching to take a breath. She’d never get over the feeling of feeding her baby, there was something quite ineffable about the feeling of her breasts releasing milk for Camila.

The little smile that had grown on her face soon faded, though. Could they really keep on doing this? Was it really something they could sustain with the life they had? It was even worse because she felt that she would somehow betray Camila if she decided to stop. How could she say that she was her first priority when she might take away from her something so important to them? Because that was the worst part, the only pamphlet she had dared take a look out was clearly stating that to stop, all nursing had to stop for a while…but that if it started again later on, her body would be pick up on it faster, and start producing milk again. Could she really do this to Camila? Well, to them really, there was nothing one sided about this, it was just as appeasing for her that it was for Camila. She didn’t know, but she really hoped the stack of pamphlets safely hidden in her bag would help her find a solution.

She focused back on the moment, deciding to keep her worries for when she would have time to deal with them, just as Camila’s fingers were making their way up her collarbone and her neck to gently come stroke her lips. Lauren smiled and kissed them, which made Camila freeze.

Uh-oh mama was awake. She was smiling though so maybe she wasn’t going to be in too much trouble.

“Morning baby.”

“Morning…I’m sorry…”

“What about baby?”

“…I didn’t ask.”

“Ask for what baby?”

“To nurse mama? It’s bad?”

Lauren’s confusion was also confusing Camila. Wasn’t it bad that she hadn’t asked? What if mama had decided before falling asleep that she wanted to stop? Because, who knew what mamas did before sleep, Camila rarely ever fell asleep after her to be honest.

“Baby! Why would you think it’s bad?”

“Coz what if you decided to stop?”

“Whenever I’ll make my decision I’ll tell you, okay?”

“So I can keep on nursing?”

“Yes, love.”

Camila started silently praying that mama would take a while to make her decision as she switched side to get to her other breast. If nursing had felt good a couple minutes ago, nothing could trump having mama gently stroke and pet her as she drank.

“I think someone needs a change!”

Mama playfully said while patting her pullup. That only made Camila whine and suckle harder. She didn’t want to stop! She wasn’t done!

“Shh, it’s okay, baby. We’ll take care of it once you’ll be done, okay?”

That made her calm down right away. As long as they could stay like this a bit longer she was okay. She could forget about all that had happened and what today was. It could just be the two of them.

A few minutes later, Lauren made her unlatch, she could feel that there wasn’t any milk left, and they might as well get their day started. In the end, Camila left for the bathroom on her own, quietly leaving the room as Lauren was looking around the kitchen to see if she could make some coffee. She was a bit disappointed that she wasn’t’ able to change her herself, but she had found some instant coffee sticks, so that was that! Camila left the bathroom just as Lauren was pouring hot water from the kettle into a mug, and the latter was more than a little confused at the sight of her.

“What are you doing in your swimming suit, baby?”

“Come swim with me.”

Someone definitely had switched back to her grown up self!

“Camz, the water is going to be freezing cold!”

“It’s not that bad! Come on!”

“I don’t even have a swimming suit!”

“Too bad. I guess you’ll have to skinny dip.”

“I’m not skinny dipping at 6 in the morning, Camila!”

“Ugh! Fine! There’s a swimming suit for you in the bathroom…”

“Pervert.”

“As if you wouldn’t have tried.”

Lauren just stuck her tongue out, and walked to the bathroom. Camila’s eyes zeroed on her the fuming mug as soon as she heard the door close…The whole kitchen smelled like the crappy coffee sticks Popi loved so much. She usually hated them, but after over a week without coffee she could nearly feel her hands shaking with how badly her body wanted it as they were reaching out for it.

“AND IF YOU TOUCH THIS CUP OF COFFEE, I’LL HAVE YOUR ASS, SO DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!”

Camila had nearly jumped out of her skin, thankfully her hands hadn’t been close enough to the cup to do any damage! Lauren had just yelled it from inside the bathroom once she realized she hadn’t taken the cup along with her. She heard Camila stomp away from the kitchen.

“Yeah, yeah…No need to give me a heart attack!”

Just then Lauren came out of the bathroom with a stern face.

“Don’t even joke about it, Camila.”

Lauren’s eyes looked haunted and Camila felt bad, so she pulled the girl in her arms.

“I’m sorry.”

She gave her a sweet kiss, then grabbed her hand, walked them back to the kitchen so Lauren could grab her coffee and a blanket, and then pulled her out the door with her. Lauren was astonished, the door in the living room opened on a porch leading directly to the beach, and the view of the ocean glowing with the rising sun was breathtaking.

Camila moved around until she was right behind Lauren, and pulled her arms around her to cover her with the blanket. Lauren let herself rest against her front and felt Camila leave little kisses along her neck.

“Good morning, Lo.”

Lauren just moved her head to pull her in a gentle kiss. The sun rising in front of them, the sand starting to warm as it went up, they stayed in their embrace for a while, just enjoying the moment.

“Do you think they’ll notice if we don’t go back for the tour? We could just stay here and hide away…”

“Yeah? And live that Robinson Crusoe life?”

“Yeah, I’d fish and we could grow a little garden.”

“And never eat fries and pizza ever again?…Sorry babe, but that’s no way to treat your girlfriend.”

Lauren just laughed and kissed her lips.

“Well, you’re not allowed any of that for now, so I’m gonna treat you only healthy stuff from now on.”

“Well, that’s my cue to leave then, sorry.”

She just got up and started running to the water. Lauren was right behind her, but stopped once she felt the cold water on her toes.

“Camila!! It’s freezing! Come back here, you’ll catch death!”

“Come and get it if you want it!”

Camila was already in the water, sure it was cold, but she didn’t mind. After all, that was her morning ritual when she was here. Lauren started to make her way in the water, squealing every time the wave would come and lick her stomach.

“Oh my god, I hate you so much right now, Camila! It’s freezing!”

“You love me! Come here!”

Camila swam to her and took her in her arms. Lauren cuddled as close as she was, taking in her warmth.

“Why would you ever go while it’s so cold?”

“My grandpa would go fishing as soon as we would get up every time. He used to say that it was the best time to catch the bigger ones, since they weren’t used to be disturb so early. So I’d go with him, and play around in the water, I never had the patience for fishing.”

“That’s a cute sight.”

“Yeah…Most of my memories with my grandpa are linked to this place. Well, most of my best childhood memories really.”

Lauren started stroking her back, looking at her with a tender smile. She didn’t ask questions, she wanted Camila to decide if she wanted to talk about it or not.

“He…He would take me here every year for the last days of summer, stating that it was the best way to get me used to getting up early again. And it worked! It was way better than having my mom badger me to go to bed early! We would just relax whole day, eat whatever I wanted and enjoy the sun…”

“That sound nice, usually we would spend the last day at one of our friends’ house. Whoever’s house was free and had a pool basically, and commiserate about we didn’t want the summer to end.”

“And getting up to trouble I bet?”

“We might have thought it would be awesome to try Lucy’s mom’s rosé the day before starting 10^th grade…Not our best idea! We all wore sunglasses the next day, that hungover was awful!”

Camila openly laughed at her, so Lauren dumper her underwater.

“Lauren!”

“Next time you’ll think twice about mocking me and making me go swim in freezing cold water!”

Camila just splashed her violently in answer, after a few second just watching her in shock with her mouth wide open, she charged at her. The chase lasted a couple minutes, Camila yelling the whole time, and pleading Lauren to “not do it.”

“Do what?”

“I don’t know! Stop! Ahh!”

Lauren finally caught her wrist and made her turn around.

“Please, no! I’m sorry!”

Camila was nervously giggling, and Lauren loved the sound of it, so she kept messing with her for a bit.

“I’m not sure you mean that.”

“I do!! Please, Lauren!”

“Well you do still need to pay for your crimes, baby!”

“I won’t do it again!”

Lauren started pulling her closer to her, and Camila was still nervously giggling, looking everywhere for an escape.

“I don’t know…It feels like I’m not getting much compensation with just that.”

Lauren was all seductive eyes and side smile. When Camila noticed, she went for another tactic starting to pout seductively and looking up at her with sweet and innocent eyes.

“I’ll do whatever you want.”

Lauren pulled her mouth closer to her girlfriend’s ear to hide her predatory smirk. She felt her shiver when she gently blew on her ear…right before lifting her up at once, spanking her butt and dropping her back in the water. Camila came up spurting water.

“LAUREN! Ah, it went up my nose!”

“Oh my poor baby! Come on, blow.”

Lauren put her hand around her nose.

“Lauren! I’m not blowing my nose in your hand!”

“Oh come on! We’re in the water, I won’t even feel your goobers!”

“Lauren!”

Lauren started laughing at Camila’s red face, and finally let go. Camila turned away from her, and dipped her body lower in the water so she could do it herself.

“You really think I’ll be disgusted by you blowing your nose in front of me? I did it for before you know.”

“Leave me alone.”

Camila stayed where she was, sulking in the water, so Lauren went behind her and embraces her from behind.

“Go away. You’re mean.”

“I love you.”

Lauren started peppering kisses along her neck, and Camila finally relented, turning around and nuzzling close to her, still rubbing her nose.

“I hate this feeling.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay… I guess next time I’ll be more careful in pranking you in the water.”

“Well next time you’ll get a real spanking then.”

“That’s a major abuse of power!”

“Deal with it.”

Camila tried to push her underwater, but Lauren just griped her tighter, and made her follow her.

“Alright, alright, I give.”

“Good, now give me a kiss.”

“No, you don’t deserve one.”

Lauren tried to push her underwater again.

“No!”

Camila gave her a light peck as she pouted, not even looking at her.

“I got this weird feeling that you really want to go down again…”

This time she applied herself more, and because she was annoyed at Lauren’s smirk, she nipped her lower lip. Lauren moaned, and that fueled Camila’s passion, her kiss becoming more aggressive and passionate. As soon as she felt Lauren’s grip on her loosen, she started walking back toward the beach, leaving a stunned Lauren with kiss bruised lips in the water.

“HEY!”

Lauren came back to herself, and started running after her, lifting her up as soon as she was close enough to grab her, making Camila squeal once more, but instead of pulling her over her shoulder, she made her turn around so she could her legs around her hips and her arms around her neck.

“Where do you think you’re escaping to?”

“The shower.”

“Good idea, let’s go!”

“I didn’t invite you!”

“Doesn’t matter, I’m crashing that shower one way or another! You can’t just force me to go in the cold ocean and then refuse me access to hot water!”

Camila just shook her head with a fond a smile. She loved those moments, bantering like an old couple, and just being as annoying kids together.

“I love you…”

“Me too, but I’ll love you even more once my body won’t be covered in goosebumps anymore!”

Once in the shower, the atmosphere shifted to something softer. Gentle touches, and loving kisses, none of them felt like rushing, content with being in the moment together. They washed each other’s hair, Lauren even scratched her back, which nearly made Camila purr. This time was all about enjoying being close to each other, and forgetting for a bit longer what were their plans for the day. Reality settled in pretty brutally, first when they put on their black dresses, and then again when Camila got a call from her mom asking if she could come to the wake because Sofi wanted to go, and she wasn’t sure she would be able to stay with her the whole time.

“Hm…Sure mami. We’ll leave soon… yo te quiero también.”

She hang up and stayed where she was. Lauren made her way to her after a bit, embracing her from behind, and nuzzling against her throat.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“…My mom wants me to go to the wake…Sofi wants to go, and she’d rather have me look after her while she’s there…”

“…And you didn’t want to go to the wake.”

Camila just shook her head. She had thought about it all week, finding excuses after excuses not to go.

“I…I don’t want to see him again…like that.”

Lauren closed her eyes, she could still here the cries of Camila has she has seen her grandpa on the bed, the sound of that flat line being a constant in her nightmares recently. Nonetheless, she too, a deep breath, and pulled her a bit closer.

“It will be different. I remember for my abuela, the last time I had seen her she was…thin, and pale, and…she just looked eaten away by her sickness…but at the wake, it was like it had never happened. She looked good, actually…She looked like herself. You deserve to see your grandpa all pampered in his best suit. It won’t make it better, but it won’t make it worse, baby…”

“I’m just…It was just starting to feel like I could breath, and…what if I crumble down all over again? What about Sofi?”

Tears starting making their ways down her cheeks before she could stop them.

“Sofi’s a smart cookie, she asked to come, I’m sure she knows it’s not going to be a happy moment.”

“She’s never been to a funeral!”

“Love, there was people crying at your house all week. And it’s okay to let her see that you hurt sometimes, too. It doesn’t make you week, if anything repressing it is more of a bad example than a good one.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, if something bad happened in her life, would you rather that she let herself cry about it, or that she bottled it up?”

“Cry…”

“Yeah, cause bottling up bad things only hurts more. You guys will be fine, those are your last moments with Popi, just live them to the fullest baby, and if that mean crying, then cry.

It made a lot of sense. Camila always wanted to shelter her baby sister from bad things, but she wasn’t a baby anymore, maybe it was time to show her the reality of the world, and set the right example. She nodded against Lauren, and turned around to leave a grateful kiss on her mouth, letting her forehead rest against hers.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too. Let’s go get our things, and let’s get going.”

They drove in silence, their hands linked the whole way, with the radio playing in the background. When Lauren finally parked, Camila’s grip on her only tightened. Lauren pulled her until she was sitting on her lap sideways. Lauren didn’t have any words for her. She couldn’t pretend it was going to be okay, that wasn’t what today was about. No, today was all about feeling the pain of her loss, so she stayed silent, letting her have this moment of peace.

*knock, knock* “Kaki?”

Camila breathed in deeply against her neck, a last inhalation before letting go. The wake in the morning of the funeral was reserved to family members only, and Lauren had agreed that it was important to have this time with her family, so after another second in her girlfriend’s arms, she opened the door, ready to face the day.

Lauren watched her go with a sad smile. Of course, she hated not being able to be with her for this, but she knew it was better to let her have this moment with her family. That didn’t loosened the knot of dread in her stomach, but she knew it was the right choice, and the second that was done, Lauren would be able to keep her close for the rest of the ceremony.

Time was going by slowly, and her repetitive look at the clock weren’t making things better. It would feel like 10 minutes had passed, when in reality, it had been just one. She thus decided to try and busy her mind for the remaining time. She grabbed her purse, and when she opened it, her eyes fell on the pamphlet the doctor had given her. A part of her just felt like closing it, and going on a reposting spree on tumblr, but she knew that she couldn’t keep on avoiding this.

Her hands were shaking a bit as she picked the first one. She knew deep down why she wanted to keep avoiding it…what if the reasonable thing to do was to stop? Could she really take this away from them? Would she really be okay with stopping? She knew Camila would accept her decision either way, but Lauren hated the thought of not being able to provide for her this way. There was something ineffable about how breastfeeding her felt, being able to nourish her and give her this sense of peace…She had never felt closer to anyone than during those moments with her.

“Come on, Lauren.”

With a big breath, she started skimming through them. It soon became apparent though that they weren’t exactly suited to her situation, mainly being about how to get started right, the main benefits for the infant’s development or comparisons between breastmilk and formula, and as she started to sort them, she realized hardly had any that were relevant. Even then, they were mostly about moms going back to work, and how to keep on supplying enough milk for their babies. With a frustrated sigh, she pushed them away from her.

Just then, her phone started ringing, the screen lighting up with a picture of Normani.

“Hey Mani.”

“Hey Laur! How was just calling to see how you guys were going, when are the funerals?”

“In about half an hour, but we’re already here. Camila had to come to accompany Sofi to the wake.”

“Oh, sorry, am I disturbing?”

“No! No, only the family’s allowed, I’m waiting in the car.”

“What’s going on, girl? You sound upset. You know you can’t always be with your girl-”

“It’s not that, I actually insisted that she goes without me. It’s important for them to be all together today.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

Lauren felt herself flush. Should she talk about it with Mani? The girl seemed to know about adult breastfeeding, but wasn’t that, like, tmi?

“I…I’m fine, it’s nothing don’t worry.”

“Don’t lie to me, Laur. Are things not going well with Mila? Is she okay?”

“No, no, we’re fine, she’s fine…”

“Then what is it?...Girl don’t make me fly all the way to Miami to make you spell it out!”

“It’s…It’s about…ugh, let it go Mani…”

“Lauren Michelle Jauregui, start talking right now, you’re worrying me!”

For some reason that really riled her up.

“I’m fucking lactating, okay? We induced or whatever they call I, and now it’s a mess, and I don’t know what to do!”

“What, Little Mila’s not into it? I was sure she-”

“That’s not the problem…neither of us really have a problem with that. It’s just, how are we supposed to do this with the life we have? Like, what if I start freaking leaking during an interview or something? And how are we supposed to have a schedule when plans change all the time? So I’m here, and I don’t know what to do, and those stupid pamphlets the doctor gave me are no help at all, and my baby is probably somewhere inside crying her heart out!”

She felt winded after that, and took a second to slow down her breath.

“You done?”

“…Yeah.”

“Have you looked up online stuff about actual adult breastfeeding?”

“…No.”

“Then what are you waiting for?”

“I just…I don’t know, Mani. I think it’s just a bit too much today…And I’m coming on my periods.”

“You still haven’t had them? Well lucky you, you might be one of the few that don’t have to worry about periods while you’re breastfeeding!”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that I think you’re just overwhelmed because a lot has been going on recently, and that if your periods are that late, that might just mean that you skipped your cycle.”

“…I’m not that late…”

“Oh really? And how late are you exactly?”

“…About a week and a half…fuck.”

“Yup. Ten bucks you won’t have them this month!”

Lauren couldn’t help but chuckle at the ridicule of the situation. Her best friend was literally betting on her not getting her periods because she had induced lactation…Her life was a joke those days! She sobered quickly

“…Do you think we can do it?”

“That’s for you to determine, Lauren.”

“I know, but I’m so lost, Mani… I just need someone to tell me whether this is all crazy talk or if it’s actually possible somehow!”

“…Okay. I think that it’s doable, I’m not saying it will be easy, but with some adjustments I think you could give it an honest try.”

Lauren let out a quiet sigh of relief. That was all she had needed to know.

“Thanks Mani…Really.”

“It’s no problem, hon. Know what, I’m going to send you some links to sites dedicated to this. I actually think it could be great for you both, like health wise. It helps with plenty of things, and it might actually be better for Camila than her protein shakes.”

“Thanks Mani. You’re the best. I love you.”

“Love out too, guys! We’ll see each other next week, until then enjoy, okay? And give my love to Mila and her family.”

“Will do, bye.”      

Just as she was about to open the first link Normani had sent her, she saw the doors open, and everybody starting to come out of the funeral home. The second she caught sight of Camila in the arms of her dad still holding onto the hand of her sister, she rushed out of her car.

“Kaki cried a lot, Lolo.”

Lauren lowered herself to Sofi’s height. Alejandro was shushing and whispering in his daughter’s ear, so she put her focus on her first.

“I know, mami, but she’ll be fine. She’s just really sad. It’s okay to cry when we’re sad.”

“That’s what Kaki said.”

“And your big sister is right. So if you feel sad today, it’s okay to cry.”

Tears started flooded the little girl’s eye, so Lauren took her in her arms. Lifting her up and putting her on her hip so she could walk closer to Alejandro and Camila. The second Camila notice her, she flew in her arms, wrapping her body around both Lauren and her sister, hiding her face against Lauren’s free shoulder. Lauren wrapped her arm around her, thankful that Sofia wasn’t heavier. She started following everyone, the church was right around the corner, as was the cemetery. They walked in silence, Lauren gently rubbing Camila’s back, as the girl did the same to her sister.  

The whole ceremony went like this, neither of the Cabellos girls letting go of Lauren during the mass or the burial, and even when other members of the family came to hug or talk with them, they never let go of her hand. The funerals were beautiful, many people came to talk about Popi, there were hundreds of flowers left on his tomb, and from how emotional the whole crowd was, it was no doubt a testimony of how loved the man was. Once it was all over, they walked back to the Cabello’s car, where Alejandro, who was already holding a distraught Sinu against him, pulled them all in a long hug.

“Are you coming back home with us, guys? Everybody brought food over, and they’re all gonna come home with us.”

Lauren was waiting for Camila to answer, but the girl had just buried herself back against her, clutching to her with all her might. Lauren embraced her and started rubbing her back again.

“Baby, do you want to go back home?”

Camila just shook her head.

“You sure?”

She nodded, her body wrecked by sobs.

“Okay, it’s alright. I’m sorry Alejandro, I’ll let you know if she changes her mind.”

“It’s no problem, you guys take care, okay?”

Lauren nodded with a sad little smile, she waved goodbye as their car left the parking lot, and watched it get emptier and emptier, Camila still holding onto her.

“Everybody’s gone, baby. Do you want to go back to the cottage?”

Camila shook her head again, her body still trembling under the tremors of her tears.

“Love…We’ll have to go at some point.”

Camila finally came out of hiding, and the sight of the tear tracks on her face, her puffy eyes and her running nose broke Lauren’s heart.

“Can we…Can we go back to his tomb, please?”

Her voice was all croaky because of all her crying, and Lauren grabbed her hand and started walking back to the cemetery. They made their way back quietly, Camila’s sniffles being the only thing breaking the silence. Once there, the tears started back again as her hand came to gently caress the name of her grandpa engraved in the marble. Her knees caved in, and she let herself fall to her knees. Lauren was behind her right away, making sure she was fine, but Camila was undeterred, she set her purse on her lap.

“There’s…There’s something…I have something for him.”

With shaky hands, she started looking through her bag.

“Wh-when I was little, he would always…always have us flip the coin. Like, to pick a movie, or go somewhere, it was always our thing. He would also use it when I didn’t want to do things, head I’d go to school tomorrow, tail I’d stay home with him…We even flipped it to decide whether I’d come to the US or not, and try out for X Factor…”

Her tears were picking up again, both at the memory and at her frustration as she couldn’t find it.

“Right before we left, I was looking for the keys in the trinket bowl, and it was right there.”

Having enough of it, she upturned her back, all his content falling to the ground.

“There! See? It was rigged! It always had two heads!”

A little laugh made its way out of her throat.

“Every time I was too scared to do something, he would flip it…For so long I thought I just really had no luck, but instead it was him, pushing me to better myself and overcome my fears, like he always did.”

Camila covered her mouth as sobs started wrecking through her again. He was gone now, and she would never have him do that again for her. Lauren quietly sat behind her, pulling her back against her front, letting her cry as she gently rocked them from side to side. Once she was calm enough, Lauren started talking to her gently.

“I think you should keep it, baby. This coin led you to where you are now…He won’t need it now, but you might someday.”

Lauren closed her eyes as it made Camila cry again. It was hard, but she needed to hear it. Surely, if she had intended to give it back to him, she would have put it in the casket, like everyone had done. No, Camila loved this coin, but thought she was doing the right thing leaving it here.

Finally, Camila calmed down and nodded with determination. She turned her face around to kiss Lauren, and rested her forehead against her for a bit. She then started gathering her belongings from the ground, meticulously putting it all back in, but froze when her eyes caught sight of a black notebook. She hadn’t put it in there, she was sure of it…Could it? No. No, it couldn’t, right? With shaky fingers she grabbed it. As she pulled it closer to her, a wisp of her grandpa’s perfume made its way in the air, and she just covered her mouth, not believing that it could be real.

“Oh!…I had completely forgotten about it! He had me bring him your purse when we went to see him…”

With a shaky breath, Camila opened it. On the first page was a small note dated to the day he died simply reading :

“This is not the end, Camilita.

Just the beginning of something new.

I’ll always be here with you, querida.

You’re going to do amazing,

Don’t forget to show them,

And take care of you’re beautiful girl,

She’s a keeper.

Love always, Popi xoxo.”

Tears sprung out of her eyes again, or maybe just kept going as she wasn’t sure she had stopped crying since she had entered the funeral home. She shakily turned the page, and was met with a sort of table of content, listing hundreds of pages. All of them started with a “Read when”, and it ranged from ‘read when you are sad” to “read when you’ll have your first child” passing by “read when you’ll feel like you’re about to mess up. He had written notes for each big steps of her life, each emotions and plenty of other moments. As Camila pulled it to her nose, she realized it smelled he had sprayed some of his perfume over the pages. Camila had always loved his perfume, and used to steal the bottle when she was a kid, and just spray it all over.

Overwhelmed by this incredible gifts, she turned around in Lauren’s embrace, and just let her sobs mixed with laughs be muffled against her girlfriend’s throat. When she got back a handle on her emotions, she sat sideways on her lap, and started explaining what it was to Lauren, while gently stroking the cover.

“It…This was our tradition…It started when I left for the US, he had hidden a notebook in my backpack with a little note in it to encourage me…Each time we would see each other, he would do that, just hide a new notebook in my stuff somewhere whenever I wasn’t around…”

“…Your lyrics notebooks.”

“Yeah!”

Camila could feel a little smile bloom on her face, knowing that it wasn’t over. That he was still right there, with her, forever. He would still be present for each step of the way, his wise words guiding and encouraging her to be the best version of herself.

“I didn’t think…I didn’t know if he knew how important they were to me. It was a little secret between us that we never talked about with anyone, not even each other…”

Lauren was moved to tears by the story, if anything she was even more in love with her, and felt even more grateful that she had had someone like Popi in her life. This gift was invaluable. She kissed Camila, pouring all her love into it. Camila smiled at her, a real smile for once, then took the coin back in her hand, and slipped it in the notebook.

“I think I’m ready to go now, babe.”

Lauren helped her up, and with a last kiss against the marble and a whispered “I have to go now, Popi, but I’ll be back. I love you.” She wrapped her arm against Lauren’s waist, and pulled the notebook close to her heart with the other, a little smile on her face and her heart filled with a whole new sense of hope and excitement for the future. She would show them.

Chapter Text

“I don’t know Bobby…This one looks too light.”

With a last little head shake, Camila threw the pebble back in the water.

“Mama’s eyes are prettier, it has gold and blue in it too.”

With one hand clutching Bobby protectively against her, Camila put her hand back in the water, looking for a better one. The rising tide had brought back in plenty of polished sea glass, and Camila had been looking for the perfect one to bring back to mama for the past fifteen minutes. Mama had been really good to her yesterday (every day really, but especially the day before), she had let her cuddle and nurse as much as she wanted, made her her good girl banana shake, and let her watch Nemo before bed as a special treat, so Camila wanted to make mama a special gift.

She had first thought of making breakfast, but then mama had been awake before her, and she wasn’t really allowed near the stove. Then, Bobby had suggested flowers, but they were right on the beach, and there was no flowers around, so Bobby and her had decided to go look around the beach for an idea. Mama was busy cooking, so it was the perfect time to go look for it without spoiling the surprise! They had first looked for shells, but none of them were pretty enough, so Camila had decided to go closer to the sea, and that surely had been their best idea so far! Sure, maybe her pants were now a bit wet and sandy, but Camila was sure she would find the perfect one!

“Oh! This one!! Bobby, look!”

“Karla Camila Cabello Estrabao! What are you doing in the water?”

Camila was too excited to have found the perfect pebble to pay attention to the fact that mama looked pissed, she just ran back to her, arriving so fast, that she made mama fall on her butt. Without a second thought, she sat on her lap, facing her.

“Look mama! Bobby and I found you a present!”

Her baby was so excited and happy that Lauren couldn’t keep a straight face. There she was, her jeans shorts wet and filled with sand, happily waving a rock in front of her face, so close actually, that she couldn’t even see. She opened her palm, and Camila put it there, starting to watch her face intently to see her reaction.

“…It’s sea glass. And it’s the colors of your eyes, see? It’s green and blue and like darker spots. It doesn’t have gold, and it’s not as pretty, but-”

“It’s perfect, baby. Thank you so much.”

“…You really like it?

“I love it, come here!”

Lauren pulled her in a hug. The pebble really was breathtaking, Lauren had never seen such colorful sea glass before.

“…It’s too say thank you.”

“Thank you for what, baby?”

“For taking care of me, and being there with me during all this. I love you mama, you’re the best.”

Lauren felt herself tear up, and hugged her baby a bit tighter.

“I love you too baby…so much.”

They stayed there for a bit longer, until Camila started squirming around because of all the sand in her pants.

“I love your present, baby, but I don’t want you to go out like this without telling me, okay?”

“But it was a surprise, mama! How can it be a surprise if I tell you? Bobby said to lie and tell you we were gonna make sandcastles, but we don’t lie. It’s the rule.”

Lauren couldn’t help but crack a smile at her baby’s serious face.

“That’s right baby, we don’t lie. That was a very naughty idea.”

“…Mama? Are you gonna put Bobby in time out?”

Her voice was now way more hesitant and sounded even a bit guilty. Her big brown orbs were staring in hers, giving her the best puppy face.

“No baby, no time out for Bobby nor you, but if you do it again, you both will end up in the corner, and you won’t be allowed to go outside on your own anymore, alright?”

“Yes mama.”

“Good, time to clean up, now!”

“But mama, I’m hungry!”

“Yeah, well dirty babies don’t get to sit at the table, so the sooner we do it, the sooner you’ll get to eat!”

Lauren just had time to scoop her up before Camila could start running toward the cottage.

“Ugh, mama, I’ll go faster!! Put me down!”

“Nope, I’m not letting you trail sand all over the place.”

She marched them to the bathroom, and set her down directly in the tub.

“Alright, put your hands on my shoulders, mama’s gonna take off your shorts.”

Lauren ended up taking off all her clothes, as sand had also gone under her shirt. She was thankful for the messy bun on top of her baby’s head that had prevented her hair from getting wet too.

“Sit down for a second baby, mama’s gonna go get some clean clothes, okay?”

Camila quietly did so, so Lauren left the room, coming back 2 minutes later to a completely different sight.

“Camila? What did you do?”

“Took my bath toys?”

“Did mama say you could take the toys?”

“…No?”

Camila looked guilty, her otter squirter still aimed at the lighted up toys by her feet.

“But mama…It’s bath time!”

“No, love, I just want to get the sand of your skin and then we’ll go eat, we’ll have bath time tonight.”

“Oh…I’m sorry, mama.”

Lauren sighed, and crouched to be at her level.

“Baby, do you know why you shouldn’t have done that?”

“Coz it’s not bath time?”

“Yes, but what else?”

Camila was confused, and started looking around. She then noticed the little puddles and water and sand in the shape of her feet all over the bathroom floor. She hadn’t even noticed!

“I put sand and water everywhere! I’m so sorry mama, I’ll be good, and clean it! Promise!”

Lauren gently stroked her cheek so she would look back at her instead of the dirty floor.

“No baby, that’s not it. Why would mama be upset that you did it?”

Lauren couldn’t help a little smile at Camila’s concentrated face: her lips pursed and her eyebrows furrowed as she looked around the room.

“Uhm…”

When she started taping her lips with her index finger, Lauren chuckled a bit. They really needed to work more on priorities.

“Baby, what matters most to mama?”

Her baby looked back at her, and flushed in the cutest way. She started biting her bottom lip, as if unsure of her answer, so Lauren gave her a little encouraging nod.

“…Me?”

“Yes, love. And can you tell me what happened last time you got up in the bath without mama around?”

Camila instinctively started rubbing her bum and frowning.

“Yes, baby. You got a big boo boo on your butt, didn’t you?”

Camila simply nodded with flushed cheeks.

“So what shouldn’t you have done?”

“Mama said to sit, and I got up and out of the tub, and it’s dangerous. I’m sorry mama.”

“I know, my love. After we’re done, you’ll clean up the ground and your toys, alright? And no more getting up without mama around, or no more toys in the bath.”

Lauren’s words were firm, but gentle. Camila fervently nodded, she’d be good and show mama she’s a good girl.

“Okay, let’s clean up!”

She did a quick work of it, not wanting the food to get cold in the meantime. She noticed Camila rubbing her eyes, which wasn’t particularly surprising. The night hadn’t been particularly restful, if before Big Camila had been the sad one and Little Camila had managed to stay more carefree, it seemed as if now that Big Camila was sort of at peace, the remnants of her grief were mostly affecting her little self. Her baby had hardly managed to sleep yesterday, only falling asleep after her tears had tired her out completely. Since this morning, she had been clingier than usual, getting weepy whenever mama was out her sight, which is why Lauren was so concerned when she turned around after finishing cooking to see that her baby was no longer coloring at the table. Her baby was more than due for a nap.

“Alright, all clean, baby! How about mama puts you in a pull-up?”

“It’s not sleep time, mama!”

Just then a yawn escaped her, Camila turned bright red, and started backing away from Lauren. She didn’t want the stupid pull-up! Mama had said they would play on the beach this afternoon, she didn’t want to do a stupid nap! She wanted to make castles! She had even went and fetched the sand buckets and shovels that were in the garage with Bobby earlier!

“Come on baby, just in case, and that way you don’t even have to wear pants!”

Camila just whined and shook her head forcefully, getting worked up as she could see right through mama’s plan. The door was behind mama, but just as she was planning her escape, mama started talking again.

“Don’t even try that, little girl. If you try to leave, you will be put in the corner. Come on, be mama’s good little helper, and lift your foot.”

Camila just whined more, she wanted to be good for mama, but she didn’t want to do that! She could feel her eyes burning from the tears starting to brim.

“Nooo…”

“Camila, one.”

Camila started stomping the ground in aggravation, the tears now making their way down her cheeks.

“No, mama! We make castles!!”

“And we will make castles this afternoon, if you’re good. Come on, come here.”

“No nap, mamaaa!”

She was now full on crying, and it was making her mad, cause the tears were making her rub her eyes, and rubbing her eyes was making her feel even sleepier, and sleep was dumb, sand castles were better!

“Two. If I reach three you’ll go to the corner, and we won’t make castles at all. Just let mama put on the pull-up, we’ll eat lunch, have a little nap, and then we’ll go make castles. Mama doesn’t make castles with grumpy babies.”

“I’m not grumpy!”

“Careful with your attitude, baby. If you stomp again, you’ll get punished. Now come on, show me how good my baby is.”

Camila caved with a whine, getting close and lifting her bare foot one at a time, letting mama pull it up all the way to her waist. Mama then pulled her in her arms, gently patting her butt while rocking her.

“Such a good baby, I’m very proud of you, love.”

Camila clung to her, taking in all the comfort her mama was giving her. Mama walked them out of the bathroom while leaving little kisses on her wet cheek as Camila was sniffling again her neck, slowly calming down. Once there, she sat her on the counter, and grabbed some tissues.

“Blow, baby. Let’s get rid of that runny nose.”

Camila did as she was told, not wanting to get into trouble again…and maybe also because she liked it when mama would take care of stuff like this for her.

“Great job, baby! Alright, let’s fill up that little tummy!”

She gave the said tummy a little tickle, making the little girl laugh. She then pulled her in her arms, and tried to settle her on her chair, but her baby wouldn’t let go.

“Come on, baby, time to eat, now.”

“Nooo…with mama.”

“It's time to eat, baby. We'll cuddle later, okay?”

“Nooo…mama!!”

Lauren pulled her back up, gently swaying her so she would calm down.

“You want to eat with mama, baby?”

She felt her baby nod against her neck, so she sat down and filled her plate enough for the two of them. She was glad she hadn't prepared anything fancy, just a salad of fresh vegetables they had bought this morning at the market.

“Open for mama, love.”

Camila sleepily did so, slowly chewing. Lauren took a bite herself, happy to see that it tasted good.

“Is it yummy, baby?”

Camila nodded again after swallowing, her little fists coming back up to rub her eyes. Lauren hadn’t expected for her to be this tired already, she had to make sure she’d eat enough before falling asleep.

“Can you tell what mama put in it?”

“veggies.”

“Yeah, but which one?”

She gave her another forkful, watching her amusedly as her baby chewed with a very concentrated face.

“Avocado?”

“Yes, avocados. What else?”

“Spinach leaves?”

“Yup.”

“Beets?”

“Uh-huh, which is also why it’s actually better that mama’s feeding you. Wouldn’t want to stain your clothes right?”

Her baby just shook her head, too far gone to actually tell mama that she wasn’t messy and would have been careful…then again she would have probably stained them anyway! Lauren tried to keep the game going, but clearly Camila was too out of it after a while.

“Come on, baby. One more bite, for mama.”

Camila just whined, she didn’t want this anymore! She wanted to cuddle with mama and have mama milk, and then make castles! Mama made the fork fly all the way to her lips, but she didn’t want it! She moved her mouth away, some of the salad falling off in the process. She just started crying, what if it was red beets? What if her shirt was ruined? She loved this shirt! It had Simba with a crown on it.

“Baby! Just one more.”

“S-S-Simbaaaa!”

“What about Simba, love?”

Camila finally looked down and was relieved to see that the food hadn’t gone on it, just falling to the ground directly.

“See? Simba’s all good, now eat, Camila.”

“No!”

She wasn’t hungry anymore! One of her hands went to cover her mouth, while the other went back to rub her eyes which felt even heavier after crying. She heard mama sigh, and thankfully put the fork back in the plate. More than half of the plate was still there, because mama had only taken bites here and there. Mama needed to eat too, so she grabbed the fork and lifted it to her mouth.

“Aaah…”

She waited until mama imitated her, and gently put the fork in her mouth.

“Thank you baby, but be careful, okay?”

Camila just nodded, she knew that already, she prepared another forkful, and fed it to her. Lauren couldn’t stop smiling, Camila was so concentrated her little pink tongue was peeking out of her mouth in her effort to not spill food everywhere. Soon enough, both their stomachs were full, so Lauren pushed the plate further on the table, and got up with Camila still in her arms.

“Come on, time for a little nap now, love.”

 Camila started wiggling in her arms in discontentment, but mama held tight, and kept peppering kisses on her temple.

“Mama, nooo! Make castles!”

“We’ll make castles when you’ll be up, baby. You’re too tired now.”

“I’m no-”

Her word was cut off was a yawn, which made Lauren smile tenderly at her. Such a stubborn little thing. Camila didn’t relent though, getting more and more restless as they were getting close to the bed.

“No bed, mama!”

“Alright.”

Camila was so stunned it had worked that she stopped moving around. She saw mama take them to the backdoor, and thought she had won, but instead, she walked them toward the hammock they had placed on the side of the house. Tears started falling down her cheeks even harder than before in disappointment.

“Noooo!”

“Baby, we agreed before lunch. Either you take your nap, or we won’t make castles at all.”

“You’re mean!”

Lauren didn’t relent, she walked them there and even managed to put them in it.

“Come on, calm down baby. Just a little nap, and then we’ll play all afternoon if you want.”

She tried to hand her her paci and Bobby, but Camila just kept pushing them away. Lauren let out a sigh, she was exhausted herself. They hadn’t slept much last night, so she was really looking forward to this nap. As a last resort she took off her shirt, lying down comfortably, and just let Camila calm down on her own. She stayed up a bit longer, whining and crying, but mama was proud to notice that she never tried to go down. After a while she just let herself fall against her mama’s chest. When Lauren started petting her head, she even pushed her hand away. Baby was mad. Lauren decided to leave her alone, fully aware that it was just her sleepiness expressing itself. When Camila finally latched on, she faced the sea instead of Lauren, her face snuggly fit on her sternum.

“Mama loves you so much, baby…”

Camila stopped suckling for a bit, finally meeting Lauren’s eyes. She flushed a bit, before nuzzling the underside of her breast, leaving three kisses there before latching back on. Lauren just smiled, her gaze never leaving the sight of her baby relaxing against her like this, the sound of the waves crashing in and the salty smell in the breeze. This was paradise.

---

“Mama! Mamaa! Time to make castles!!”

Lauren frowned in her sleep, her slumber interrupted by gentle pokes against her cheek.

“Mama!”

She finally opened her eyes, revealing the culprit of her predicament: her baby girl with her paci still in mouth and Bobby under her arm, looking at her with excitement.

“Hi, baby.”

“Hi mama, time to make castles.”

“How about you give your mama a little hug first to help her wake up?”

Camila did so briefly, embracing her before sitting up again.

“Castles?”

“I believe my baby has to do something before making castles.”

Camila tilted her head to the side like an adorable confused puppy. Lauren couldn’t help herself and sat up to lay a kiss on her nose.

“I think a little baby I know made a mess in the bathroom.”

With a little “oh!” of recollection, Camila got up and ran inside. Lauren followed a couple seconds later with a little chuckle. By the time she was in, she could already hear Camila sweeping hurriedly, the broom banging against the walls. She finally reappeared 5 minutes later, sand-filled dustpan in hand.

“Can we go now?”

“Did you clean up and put away your toys?”

Camila just ran back inside the bathroom without a word. Lauren followed her, wanting to make sure she would take the time to rinse and empty the toys like she was supposed to do. When she entered, Camila was appraising her otter squirter.

“Mama? Can I take it to make castles?”

“No baby, it’s not made to play in the sand.”

“But it’s a water toy!”

“It’s a bath toy, it will get all dirty.”

Camila sighed, looked back at her toy, and kissed it before putting it back in the box. She made quick work of the rest, but making sure to empty them carefully so they wouldn’t have yucky mildew in them.

“Good job, baby! Come on, time to make castles!”

“Yaaaaaay!”

“Ah, ah, ha! Wait a second!”

Mama then had her change out of her pullup and into her bikini bottom.

“Alright, let’s go out!”

Camila ran out of the room and out of the house, grabbing her shovels and buckets before running down the beach where the sand was a little wet. The perfect spot for castle making.

“Come back here, speedy butt, sunscreen first!”

“Mamaaa!”

“No pouting, come on!”

Camila reluctantly let mama apply it, fidgeting around.

“Camila, stop moving around, baby.”

“But mama, I want to play!”

“I know my love, and mama knows you’ve been very patient, but I don’t want you to get sunburns. If you don’t move, I’ll be done in no time.”

Camila sighed, but kept still real good for mama.

“Good job, baby. Go play!”

“Thank you!”

Camila happily hugged mama and kissed her cheek before rushing back to her toys. She started by taking away all the shells and rocks on the place where she wanted to build her castle. Making castles was important business. She started scooping sand in her little tower shaped bucket, filled it just right, patted it perfectly, and expertly turned it upside down and removed the bucket. It looked perfect! She excitedly looked up, but started frowning when she couldn’t see mama anywhere.

“Good job! My baby sure is a good builder.”

She turned around, and sure enough, mama was here! A grin lit up her face again in relief and pride.

“Mama went to get some shells and rocks to decorate your castle.”

Camila clapped in glee! Mama was gonna help! They both started working at it, Camila building, and Lauren decorating. The latter had also acquired a thin twig, and was carving details in the buildings: stones and vines progressively appearing and giving life to their temporary art piece.

“I think we’re done, mama.”

“Where’s your moat and bridge, baby?”

“My what?”

“Well, your pretty castle needs defense!”

Lauren took a shovel and started digging all around the castle, making it deep enough for water to appear at the bottom. Once in front of it, she started using both her hands to dig, doing it until both her hands met and sand was still standing over it. Camila was looking at her work with awe. She had never thought of that! She ran to the bucket with the rest of the decoration mama had fetched, grabbing all the green seaglass pebbles she could, and running back to put them in the moat.

“Look, mama! Crocodiles!”

“Awesome, baby! Now your castle is safe.”

“Wait!”

She then ran along the beach as her mama looked at her curiously, where was she going? A few seconds later she ran back with four feathers in hand, planting them at the top of the towers at the corners of her castle.

“Now it’s all done!”

Lauren had to admit, it was the best sandcastle she had ever seen. Their combined work had really given a beautiful result. She went back inside to grab her phone, and started shooting pictures of it, making her baby pose with it with her bucket and shovel. They then grabbed all their tools and went in the sea to rinse them off and get rid of all the sand on their bodies.

“Do you want to play in the sand some more, love?”

“I want to cuddle.”

Camila grabbed her hand and lead her to the beach and to the towel that was settled nearby. Taking her cue, Lauren lied down, and Camila followed suit, pulling her body over hers and nuzzling against her neck. Lauren put her arms around her, her hands mindlessly playing with the end of Camila’s hair.

“Feeling a bit tired, tiny one?”

Camila shook her head, moving a bit so that her head was now on Lauren’s shoulder. With on hand, she started gently counting each freckle on her mama’s face. She loves her freckles, which was the reason why she preferred when Lauren wasn’t wearing any makeup. Mama was so pretty, and the sun was only making the spots darken and her eyes brighter.

“I’m sorry I was fussy and I said you were a meanie, mama.”

“It’s okay, love. I know my baby was tired, but wanted to go play. Thank you for still listening to mama, I know it wasn’t easy.”

“I love you, mama.”

“I love you, too.”

“Mama?...Will you always stay with me?”

“Of course, baby! Mama’s not going anywhere without her little girl.”

“Even if I’m bad?”

“You’re not bad, baby.”

“But what if I am?”

“Then mama will punish you until you become my good girl again.”

“But what if you get sick?”

Lauren finally understood where this conversation was coming from. Clearly the death of Pipo was still very much affecting her. Camila had never lost someone so close to her before, sure there was some death in her family, but mostly people she didn’t know that much. It hurt, but it wasn’t the same. She had cried for their life ending too soon and their close family and friends. Her little self was now expressing her fear and anxiety of losing someone close like this again.

“Baby…Mama can’t promise you she’ll always be there like this. Sometimes bad things happen, but I can promise you that I’ll be careful. Health first for the two of us, okay?”

Camila nodded, nuzzling closer to mama’s skin. She had always had a thing for the smell the sun would give skin when sunbathing. She could remember cuddling with her mom as a kid and thinking nothing could top that, but she was wrong. Lauren smelled so good, the perfect mix of her, the sun, sand and the salt of the sea. That was what Camila wanted, the two of them, together, in this place so close to her heart. She felt like she was finally home.

“Mama can we ditch tour and just stay here?

“No, baby. The girls need us to go back. Don’t you want to see Mani, Ally and DJ?”

“They could just come for a few days?”

“No, love. We have to be there, think of the fans! Don’t you think they’d be sad if you weren’t there?”

“But I like it here with you!”

“How about we come back here as soon as we have a break?”

Camila thought about it for a bit.

“…Okay…”

She sighed and started playing with mama’s fingers dejectedly.

“It’s going to be okay, baby. It’ll be just like before.”

“But I like it better, here.”

“Breaks can’t last forever, it wouldn’t be as good.”

“But I can’t be little when I want there.”

“You’ll have to tell mama whenever it gets too much, alright. You can’t do what you did last time, mama won’t let you and you’ll get punished. It’s bad for you to hold those feelings in, mama will always be there for you.”

They stayed silent, just enjoying this moment of intimacy and taking in the beautiful view of the ocean. Lauren didn’t want to leave either, but admitting it to little Camila wouldn’t help. Instead, she decided to enjoy the time they had left as much as possible, stocking it somewhere safe for when things would get hard during the crazy schedule of touring. She started looking at her girl in her arms, feeling the way their bodies fit just so perfectly against each other, but then her eyes caught on something.

“Baby, you’re starting to turn red! Let’s go back inside for a bit, okay? Mama’s making fish tacos tonight, and I’ll have to start pretty soon.”

“Can we have bath time, mama? I want to play with my toys.”

“Sure, come on, let’s go my little builder!”

They started their way back to the house, but Camila stopped on the threshold and ran back out.

“What-?”

Camila appeared right back, her paci in mouth and Bobbi in her arms.

“We lef’em in da hammock, mama!”

“Good job, baby! Come on, let’s get rid of all the sand first.”

Mama made her remove the paci and Bobbi, and put her up in the tub with her, quickly rinsing them of all the salt and sand before starting the bath. They played in it for a good half an hour, Camila giggling away as mama was having conversations with her toys and made them dance around in the water. Camila had sat herself on Lauren’s lap, and hadn’t moved, loving the feel of her arms around her and the way mama would put little kisses on her neck sometimes.

“Come on, baby. Time to go out.”

“Five more minutes, mama!”

“Nope, we have tacos to make, remember? And I know my baby girl is getting hungry.”

As if on cue, Camila’s stomach started rumbling.

“No! Shh!”

Lauren chuckled at the way Camila started scolding her stomach.

“No, no, no. Your stomach is right, it’s time to eat, baby!”

Lauren made quick work of taking Camila out of the bath and into a huge towel before putting everything away.

“Go lie down on the bed baby, I’ll join you in a second.”

She listened to the pitter-patter of her feet on the tiles, and quickly put on a shirt and some sleep shorts before grabbing aloe cream from her toiletries bag and a pullup, and making her way to the bed.

“Put yourself on your tummy, love, mama’s gonna put some cream on your back.”

Lauren started applying it, and gently massaging into her skin. It felt heavenly, and was taking Camila out of littlespace progressively. Lauren sensing that she was enjoying it, started massaging her back more intently, making Camila sigh, moan and even groan when she was right on a tight knot.

“Feels good?”

“Fuck, babe, how come you never told me you were good at this?”

Lauren hadn’t expected the shift in headspace, but didn’t mind it one bit. She lowered herself down until she could kiss down her spine.

“Cause I know you would have asked me for one all the time.”

“Oh, I will. This feels so good…”

“You were all stiff, knots everywhere. Time to relax, baby.”

Lauren then started massaging her lower back, making Camila moan even more and bury her face in the pillows. Being out of mama space herself, Lauren was feeling herself get more and more into it, the sight of her girlfriend sprawled naked on the bed arousing her. Her hands progressively went down, and down…

“Lauren, stop trying to cope a feel, you’re supposed to give me a massage, babe.”

“For your information, buttocks massage is good for you. Your gutes are at the core of all movements, so if I do this”

Camila moaned at the intense relief she felt as Lauren did some move with her elbow against her butt.

“It feels pretty damn good. I rest my case.”

“Whatever, butt perv! Ouch! No slapping, more weird elbow moves.”

“…And I’m the perv…”

“Shush, you! As if you wanted to stop.”

They kept it up for a bit longer, bickers and moans filling the otherwise calm room. When Lauren finally looked up at the time, she stopped. It was high time to start cooking. Camila whined at the loss of the feeling of Lauren’s soft hands against her skin.

“Nooo…More!”

“Nope. Time. To. Eat. Baby.”

Between each word she kissed her naked, finishing with one of each of her butt cheeks.

“I don’t want to move, I’m all relaxed.”

“Then stay there, lazy! I’ll call you when it’s done.”

Lauren started to get up from her seat on Camila’s legs, but the latter quickly inversed their position.

“Don’t go before your thank-you kiss.”

Camila without losing a second dived on her lips, giving her a long, both passionate and tender kiss.

“Hmm…Well that was quite the thank you.”

“See? You should give me more massages in the future.”

Camila teasingly raised her eyebrows repeatedly at her, until Lauren pushed her face away with her hand.

“We’ll see about that. Cooking time!”

Camila let her get up, pushing herself up on a shoulder to look at her make her way to the kitchen, it was all in the same room, the only separation being the bar, so she could admire her all she wanted from where she was. There was something still a bit unbelievable of seeing her here. The reasons were heart-wrenching, but there was still a sense of amazement to it. Those past days had shown her a future she had never envisioned before, a future better than she could have imagined, and as she got up and went to hug Lauren from behind while she was at the cutting board.

“Feeling like helping?”

“More like feeling like cuddling.”

“I can work with that.”

They kept preparing dinner this way, Camila clutching to her back as Lauren prepared and cooked everything. Camila would every now and then kiss her cheek or her neck, or whisper sweet things in her ear making her giggle like a schoolgirl and blush.

“Come on, koala bear, time to eat!”

“Smells good! Thanks for cooking, baby!”

“I hope it’s good.”

“I’m sure it is, come on, I’m starving!”

They sat down and dug in, and god it was amazing! Camila kept humming and praising Lauren on her cooking.

“Babe, those tacos are amazing!”

“It’s nothing special, it’s a pretty easy recipe.”

“Yeah, well it’s still delicious, love. Recipes don’t have to be in 50 steps for them to be good, you still impressed me. My own little chef, I really got lucky!...And amazing boobs too!”

“What a charmer.”

“You know it!”

Camila leaned on the side to kiss Lauren on the cheek, leaving a greasy spot on it.

“Ew!”

“Don’t be a cry baby…That’s my job!”

The plates were soon empty, and put away. Camila grabbed Lauren’s hand and walked her back to bed.

“More cuddling?”

“I’m trying to stock it up.”

“We’ll still have time for cuddles, babe.”

“I know…It’s just different? No hiding, no worrying…Just being together without having to think about anything else or consequences…”

Lauren pulled her in her lap, chest to chest, and started gently rocking them from side to side.

“I love you, Lauren.”

“I love you, too babe.”

“I really want to tell the girls when we go back…You’re one of the most important people and my life and…I can’t waste time like this hoping for just the right timing or circumstances, there’ll never be any, and if something was to happen…”

“Baby…”

“I’d never forgive myself on wasting the chance to have the people around me know how much I love you, and how amazing you are to me. I know we can’t tell everybody, but I want the girls to know.”

“You sure?”

“100%”

“Alright, we’ll tell them then.”

If her answer was rather flat, Camila could feel the billion dollar smile resting against her neck. It made her feel guilty a bit. Thinking back on it, waiting felt stupid and nonsensical, but Pipo’s death had just made things a bit clearer in her mind, so what used to be blurry and uncertain, now looked sharper than ever.

“…Are you scared?”

Camila frowned a bit.

“What do you mean?”

“About telling them, does it worry you?”

“…Not really. I might be on the day, though.”

“It’s okay if you need more time, I know that with everything happening lately you might be a bit overwhelmed, and I don’t want you to rush, and maybe regret it…”

Camila gently grabbed Lauren’s face to face her. She hated the hesitance in her eyes, so she gently kissed her, trying to put all her feeling in it.

“I’m sure, baby. I know it might look like it’s just ‘shock’, but all of this just made me realize how precious the time we have is…God it sounds cheesy. I love you, and I don’t want us to hide from the people close to us.”

She kissed her again, tasting another of her grins.

Lauren couldn’t put into words how she was feeling right now, many feelings were coursing through her brain: love, happiness, relief, achievement, fear, nervousness…it was all a big mess, but nothing could wipe out the smile on her face. She felt her phone vibrate on the bed, and the sound linked to Camila’s words, something came back to her mind.

“Shit! Babe! You never went on social media to tell the fans you were fine!”

“…Yeah. Maybe I should take a look at that.”

Camila was pouting a bit. Her plans were just to cuddle Lauren until either they had to go or she managed to convince Lauren to stay here instead (she was really hoping on the second one).

“Don’t pull that face, love. I also have stuff to check online, so I’ll go get my laptop, and we’ll both get some stuff done, alright?”

“…Ookayyy…”

Lauren put a last peck on her lips before getting up to fetch her MacBook and turning her phone in a Wi-Fi hotspot.

“We should have something arrange for the Wi-Fi whenever we’ll come back, oh and a rocking chair! We totally should get a rocking chair for the porch.”

Lauren didn’t hear an answer, so she looked back up at Camila to know what she was doing. Her girlfriend was looking up at her with a soft smile on her face and her eyes a bit shinier than usual.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“Nothing’s wrong, everything is pretty perfect right now.”

Lauren pulled her closer to her and kissed her forehead. After a bit, Camila straightened up and discreetly dried her eyes.

“Come on, time to do some work. I’m sure my twitter notifications blew up completely.”

She opened her instagram and started on a post to reassure everyone that she was fine, while Lauren went to check the sites Mani had sent her the day before. The mass of information was huge, but she finally was getting the answers to her many questions. Articles, research, testimonies, she was progressively able to get a better idea of what it would entail concretely if they kept it up. She was so engrossed in her research that she didn’t hear Camila get closer to her.

“What are you doing?”

Lauren sort of jumped, only to finally realize that Camila was right by her side, her eyes already on the screen. For some reason she felt herself flush a bit. It was silly really, because Camila was just as involved as she was, but it still made her feel embarrassed.

“huh…just some research.”

“I see that, what does it say?”

Camila was now looking at her with her big dark orbs boring through hers.

“I mean, it says really a lot…”

Camila finally caught on Lauren’s slight uneasiness, and backed off.

“I’m sorry, I’ll let you look into it.”

“No! Baby, come back here. I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m feeling so flustered about it.”

“It’s okay, Laur. It’s a tough decision, I don’t want to bother you.”

“You never bother me, come on, sit on my lap, we’ll look through it together. It’s just as important that you know about it as I do.”

Camila tentatively moved over, letting Lauren guide her into her lap. The taller girl then put the laptop on her lap, and started showing her the different tabs she had opened. Because of her position and the subject of their talk, Camila felt herself slip a bit. It was more of a middle state, she wasn’t totally in headspace, but still felt a bit little and excited about being involved in mama’s research. They kept scanning together pages after pages, listing up the good and bad sides of it, looking up ideas to try to resolve some problems that might arise at some time. Clearly, their situation was far from ideal, but clearly the desire for it was very much present in both of them. Time flew by, and soon 2 hours had passed since they had started when Camila read something that really excited her.

“Look!! It says it helps reducing high blood pressure! Do you think that if I had pizza and then nursed it would cancel each other out??”

Camila then faltered, and looked behind her at Lauren with hesitation.

“I mean…like…if you decide that we keep going, not that you have to, you decide whatever you think is better-”

Lauren softly smiled at her, putting a kiss on her nose to interrupt her. She had butterflies in her stomach just at the thought of being able to help Camila this way. She had been tempted but hesitant so far, there were so many great benefits for both of them in it, but also just as many possible inconveniences. Yet, this piece of information was the push that finally tilted the scale.

“We’re gonna do it, baby.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Camila pulled her in a hug. Her heart was beating so fast against her ribcage, she was afraid she might crack a rib. Relief was pulsing through her vein, making her feel a bit light headed. She had been so scared. She didn’t want to admit it, but she was terrified by the idea of having to stop it all when it had become such an important part of their routine.

“You’re with me?”

“A 100%, Lauren. I promise I’ll do all I can to make it as easy for you as possible!”

“We’ll have to work on a schedule we can maintain, and figure out a few things along the way, but I think we can do it.”

They kissed a few times, sharing their happiness and excitement, but also part of their fear, reassuring each other by their tenderness that they could make it work.

“If it’s ever too much, you’ll have to tell me, Lauren. If it really doesn’t work out, we’ll stop.”

Lauren just kissed her again in agreement, feeling loved and cherished by how caring Camila could be in those moment, shifting their usual dynamic to make sure that Lauren was also taking care of herself.

“Do you have to go get the medicine your doctor prescribed, then?”

“Well, I think it’s better if we just go on like this, my supply will grow depending on your needs, and it will be easier for me to get used to it, and control it better.”

Camila agreed, though a bit disappointed of having to wait longer to be able to feed as much as she wanted. If she could, she’d throw away all her shakes, and only nurse from Lauren instead.

“Come on, let’s go watch the end of the sunset on the beach, baby. I want to spend some more time outside before being cooped up in a bus.”

Lauren grabbed her hand and pulled her up, making her way out of the house and back in the hammock. When Camila put her head on her chest, she couldn’t help a grimace. She hadn’t really paid attention to the soreness in her chest with all of this. Usually, by that time Camila had already nursed, so her chest had already gotten used to the rhythm, and the change of routine wasn’t a walk in the park.

“You okay, babe?”

“Hm? …Yeah, yeah, don’t worry.”

Camila frowned in confusion, but put her cheek back against her breast, that’s when she realized how warm and firm it was. Of course! God, it had been only 10 minutes since they had decided to go for it, and she was already messing up!”

“Babe! They must be so sore! Why didn’t you say anything?!”

“I didn’t really feel it before you lied down on me, but don’t worry, it’s fine.”

“No! We have to keep up with the routine.”

“Camila, you’re not even in littlespace right now!”

“And?...I mean, if it really weird you out, I can try to slip or something?”

“…Well, I thought that it would be weird for you, to be honest?”

“How could anything about the puppies ever weird me out? And I told you, I’m all in on this, I uhm…I really enjoy sharing that moment with you…It’s not just a little Camila thing…”

Camila’s bravado had progressively left her as she was trying to explain herself, her face becoming redder and redder as she went on. Lauren took a second to think about it, then, in a big inspiration, she removed her shirt before settling back comfortably. Camila had kept on rambling for a bit, but her words had died in her throat the second Lauren was topless. She think she’d never get used to the sight of her girlfriend’s soft skin.

“Camila?”

“Right, *cough*, yeah, okay.”

Camila had seen that when they were particularly sore, Lauren tended to massage them a bit first, so the flow would start and the first few suckle wouldn’t be uncomfortable, so with careful hands, she grabbed onto each breast (she might have stopped breathing then for a couple seconds), and started gently massaging them. The little relieved moan Lauren left out didn’t really help the flush that apparently wouldn’t leave her cheeks. She was thankful for the setting sun that was making it less obvious. Then the first drop dripped…and a second…and a third, and Camila was so entranced by the sight that she kept on watching it, fascinated.

“Babe, you’re gonna put milk all over the hammock!”

That finally pulled her out of her thoughts, and she bent down to lick away the trail making its way along her ribcage. Lauren shuddered at the feeling, she was very sensitive there, and the mix of the ticklish feeling and pleasure was a bit unsettling. Camila followed the trail up to her nipple, giving it a teasing lick before latching on properly.

“Alright, enough teasing, baby.”

“Sorry…you’re just so gorgeous, babe.”

Both of them settled as Camila starting nursing properly. Without the haze of littlespace, the moment felt very different, more sensual, more vulnerable, it was different, but not a bad different…just…well different. It made her feel closer to Lauren in a different way, when she was little it felt like she was linked to her, as if they were just one whole, while like this it felt more like a very intimate and intense shared moment, both of them being able to get their needs met.

When Camila noticed the drops pearling on the other nipple, she couldn’t help but reach for it with her finger, rubbing it in Lauren’s skin. Her little game progressively turned into drawing out shapes with it, then letters and she had Lauren guess what she was writing.

“Ocean?”

“uh-huh.”

“hmm…This one I’m not sure. Can you do it again?”

Camila applied herself as she wrote again “PIZZA” on Lauren.

“...nope, definitely never heard of this.”

Camila playfully pinched her nipple.

“Ouch! Alright, alright, it’s pizza, but you’re still not getting any.”

“You won’t be able to keep us away from each other forever, Jauregui.”

“Watch me, if I ever see you with a slice, your butt will be so red you won’t be able to sit for a week.”

“Babe, you don’t have to worry, you’re still my number one girl, no need to be so jealous of a slice of heaven like this!”

“How about you start on the second one instead of saying nonsense?”

“…I’ll cave, but that’s only cause I want more!”

“…Does it taste good?”

“Delichious!”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full! You’re impossible…”

Camila then did her own rendition of their cover of Impossible with her mouth still around Lauren’s breast.

“Camila!”

They both burst out laughing. The situation was sort of ridiculous, but it felt right nonetheless.

“Can we try in another position?”

“What did you have in mind?”

“Well, wait, let’s sit up. Okay, now let’s move up a bit, and sit in my lap. Perfect, and now…”

Camila lowered herself down a bit, and was able to comfortably relax against the hammock that was nearly straight up, putting her face at the perfect height and distance from Lauren’s chest. She latched back on, and pulled her arms around Lauren, pulling her close to her. Lauren relaxed in her hold, the position felt great on her back and seemed to be helping the flow of her milk, it definitely was a great idea. Their embrace thus became more tender than playful like it had been previously. Camila couldn’t get enough of the feeling of Lauren’s soft skin against her face and of the sweet smell of it. She could feel all her curves against her hands that were now gently roaming around, tenderly exploring her back, inspecting each vale and plain that now felt a bit more familiar each day. Lauren was clutching onto her, feeling a bit overwhelmed. Feeling Camila’s love and devotion be expressed this way was ineffable, she felt cherished and adored, and couldn’t wrap her head around having her feelings returned this way. When it was all done, Camila gently cleaned her up, helping her put her shirt back on even though Lauren was gently protesting.

“Hush, tonight I’m taking care of you, okay?”

Lauren couldn’t help but melt. It was true that since Camila had come out of littlespace, she had been particularly attentive and affectionate, and it was exactly what she had needed. Camila had let her take care of her all day, and then she had reversed the roles a bit, and Lauren’s worries were finally put to rest.

Once Lauren was dressed up again, Camila pulled her over her, and lowered them a bit more in the hammock so they could lie down, and taught her more about space and the stars with the sound of the waves and the crickets filling in the otherwise quiet night.

Chapter Text

***(steamy bit)***

As the sun started to rise over the ocean and the sky turned pink, the two bodies entwined in the bed slowly started coming back to life. Each move and stretch of one’s limb triggering some of the other’s in a slow and sensual dance. Camila woke up first, taking in the sight of her girlfriend sleeping beside her. She’d never get tired of it, it still felt just as unreal and amazing to get to have Lauren be the first thing her eyes see when she wakes up; her hair all disheveled, her face relaxed, her mouth set in the cutest sleepy pout, she had never seen anything this gorgeous so early in the morning.

With touches as soft as a butterfly, she slowly traced her face, starting at her relaxed brows, all the way down to the little dip under her lips. Her eyes then caught on her neck: that plain of alabaster skin, now tanned, that always appealed to her so much. She first followed the lines of it, until her finger bumped on her neck vein, and she couldn’t help a smile. She could still see Lauren’s face when she found out about how her neck vein was a “thing” in the fandom. She had felt self-conscious about it at first, and Camila had had to repress telling her how she had always noticed it and loved it. Those past couple months together, Lauren had had to tell her off so many times because she couldn’t help but want to nibble on it each time they were making out, but hickeys right on her neck during tour was a big no-no apparently.

Her eyes were then distracted by Lauren slightly stretching in her sleep, making her shirt rise up some more, now resting comfortably against her ribs. As a magnet attracted to metal, her fingers followed their paths down her neckline, over her cherished chest, all the way down to Lauren’s stomach. So soft, and both squishy and hard, there was no better combination in Camila’s book. The sight of her abs slightly spamming under her touch always gave her butterflies. As she was watching, mesmerized by that work of art, one of her fingers passed over Lauren’s navel, and she heard a little sigh escape her girlfriend’s lips. With a little smile she did it again, and this time Lauren let out a little moan and arched her back a bit, pushing Camila’s hand harder against her. It was one of the things she had learned during their make out sessions, done right, stimulation to Lauren’s navel could really get her going…

“Baaaabe…stop...”

With a mischievous smile, Camila moved around so she could leave a hand there, her thumb doing tantalizing circles around her navel, while the other gently went to scratch the behind of Lauren’s exposed thigh.

“Camila…”

That reprimand was definitely mixed with a moan, so Camila didn’t back down and started kissing and nibbling her collarbone.

“Camz!”

“Morning, babe.”

“Fuck- You can’t just do this so early in the morning!”

“Should I stop then?”

“...hnn…no.”

Camila’s smile was definitely predatory as she went back to her collarbone, before slowly but surely making her way to her neck vein. Lauren was too far gone in her pleasure and sleepiness to say anything about it this time, so Camila took her time to enjoy it, making sure to stay gentle so she wouldn’t leave huge marks on it. She had been more adventurous since their talk on the beach on the few times they had had some time together. Lauren had been adamant on letting her initiate after getting a bit too into it that time. If it had freaked out Camila a bit at first, she had soon realized that she really enjoyed being in charge like this in those moments. Really a lot. Even now, there was something incredibly arousing about being the one making Lauren sigh in pleasure this way, and have her body respond to hers like this. She had spent hours exploring her body, observing, testing, and noting each little discovery in her mind. Lauren’s body now felt like an instrument of her girlfriend’s pleasure that she finally felt comfortable playing. She knew where to touch, to kiss, to lick or pinch to get a reaction out of her. She had never reached that level of intimacy with someone before, and it felt even more special that it was with Lauren.

“Camila…You’re driving me crazy, baby. Maybe we should slow down a bit.”

Camila didn’t slow down, with a trail of kisses and nibbles, she made her way to Lauren’s lobe, before taking it in her mouth and gently biting on it, eliciting yet another moan out of her flushing girlfriend.

“Camila…This is torture, baby…please…”

“Please, what?”

“Don’t play with me like that…Fuck…”

Seeing Lauren losing it under her touch like that was driving Camila crazy. The hand that had been teasing her navel started making its way north, sneaking under her shirt, unable to resist the soft mounts that she knew were waiting for her touch. Lauren literally growled when Camila grabbed one, and the latter couldn’t get enough of the sight of the girl she loved writhing in pleasure under her assaults. Her eyes finally left Lauren’s face to look down at her body when she felt the hand that was now playing around Lauren’s inner thigh get trapped as Lauren’s hips started sensually rolling. The sight was so erotic that Camila felt a shiver run down her spine and settle in a pulse between her legs. Her breathing got heavier and she couldn’t hold back a moan once she felt Lauren hide her face against her neck with a small groan.

She hadn’t meant for things to go this far, but now she felt like she had passed the point of no return. Her whole body was coursing through waves of desire and prickling pleasure, she had never felt like this, and felt drunk in her arousal.

Hesitantly she let her hand slide higher until it was right at the apex of Lauren’s thighs. If she had felt confident so far, this was new territory. She stopped there and looked back at Lauren to make sure it was alright, she was met with dark blown irises made more vibrant by the small ring of green surrounding it. All at once, Lauren pulled her lips against hers in a feverish kiss and put one of her hands against Camila’s, pressing it harder against her core as her hips kept rolling and humping against it. This was all the confirmation Camila needed, so tentatively she pushed her middle finger along her slit, from her clit all the way down to the source of the arousal permeating the cloth under her fingers, and back up again. Lauren’s face was scrunched up in ecstasy.

“Yes!...Baby, please!”

 “Does it feel good, babe?”

“So good, so good! Please!”

Camila was nearly feeling cocky, she had turned her composed girlfriend into a nearly incoherent mess, not too bad for a first time, right? She kept going this way, but soon Lauren’s moans of pleasure turned into moans of frustration and Camila’s confidence just flew out of the scene.

“More, Camila! Please, baby…”

“I…I don’t…”

Lauren finally came back to herself enough to notice Camila’s hesitance. She had to admit that there was something extremely hot about having Camila be the one in charge, so instead of taking back the control, she just took off her shirt. Sure enough, Camila’s eyes turned obsidian again, and Lauren held her breath, excitement and anticipation blooming in her stomach. Next thing she knew, Camila was diving in on her chest. Lauren always had pretty sensitive breasts, but being with Camila had taught her just how good they could feel when touched right. She might have found Camila’s obsession funny at first, but most times her girlfriend’s skill made her want to light a candle.

Camila’s mind turned off the second she saw her topless girlfriend. This was familiar ground, she knew how to make her feel good that way. Soon lips, tongue and teeth were hard at work, making Lauren writhe under her predicament. She loved how sensitive Lauren’s chest was. The puppies were one of her favorite feature on her girlfriend, if she had fantasized about them for years, it went way further than that now. It was where she felt the closest to her girlfriend, bringing comfort, nourishment and pleasure, so she was making sure to worship them as they should be.

Lauren couldn’t take it anymore, the teasing was making her go crazy. She felt constantly on edge, but it was never enough, so she slipped her hand against the one still making circles against her core, and made it go up to her panty line before slipping it under, praying to all gods that Camila would just go with it and finally tip her off the edge.

Sadly, Camila’s hand stopped moving, all her focus turning to her breasts, sucking, licking and biting away. Lauren was not having that. She put her hand in her girlfriend’s hair, and pulled until her she finally let go and pushed her lips against hers. When their tongue met, Lauren froze. The taster of her girlfriend was definitely different, and she had a good idea why. She pulled away to look at her chest, and sure enough, trails of milk were making their way down her sides. She was mortified. She hadn’t expected that her body would betray her like this, right at this moment no less. She covered her flushing face with her arm and groaned.

Camila wouldn’t have that though, so she started attacking her neck, and finally found the courage to move her hand that Lauren had so carefully placed right where it needed to be. When her fingers finally made their way between her lips, the wetness awaiting her there at her groan and bite down on Lauren’s collarbone. Fuck it was so hot! As adroitly as she could, she placed her thumb on her clit and applied pressure. The result was instant, her hips canted, her legs opened and a long moan escaped the muffling prison of the arm covering her mouth.

The sight of yet another drop slipping out of her nipple made Camila beeline on it. She couldn’t help it, the sight was just too appealing. Lauren half-heatedly tried to shove her away, but Camila just bit down and started furiously rubbing against her nub.

“Fuuuck…Baby…Please…more!”

Camila’s hand felt like it was on autopilot, her others fingers that had been roaming around so far, finally made their way where Lauren needed it the most. With her eyes focused on the face of her girlfriend, Camila slowly entered one of her digits. If the sight of Lauren scrunching her eyes shut and opening her mouth in a silent moan wasn’t enough, the heat now surrounding her finger was making her slowly go crazy.

“God, Camila, please baby, more, I’m so close!”

With exhilaration, Camila pushed a second finger in her girlfriend, her breath just as labored as hers by that point. She had never seen anything as sexy as Lauren lost in ecstasy. Annoyed by the rubber band of her underwear getting in the way of her hand, Camila used her other hand to slide it down lower, and Lauren quickly caught on, moving her leg so she could take them off of her completely. Camila felt high when she looked down, actually seeing her fingers come in and out of her Lauren. Her thighs unconsciously started tightening again and again, trying to relieve the yearning of her core, she had never been more excited in her life.

Lauren also noticed her predicament, and with one arm, pushed one of Camila’s thigh over hers until the apex of her thigh was right against her. Camila had never been so happy to have woken up during the night and changed back into regular underwear after going to the bathroom! It was her turn to turn into a moaning mess when Lauren used her arm again to make her grind against her.

Pretty fast they found the right rhythm for the both of us, and their pleasure was rising as fast as the sun behind them. By then, Lauren had one hand strongly holding onto the Booty. It was, at first, to help Camila in her movement, but soon she couldn’t help but knead the soft and supple skin under her hand, especially once she realized how it made Camila’s groans turn sultrier. Her second one was holding onto Camila’s hair, keeping their face close so she could steal kisses whenever Camila wasn’t stealing her breath away.

“Fuuuck…baby I’m so close!”

“Am I gonna make you come, babe?”

“Yeah…Ughh…’

Camila, feeling delirious in her pleasure and a bit cocky, decided to bite down on Lauren’s lobe again and whisper:

“Are you gonna come for me?”

Next thing she knew, Lauren was bringing her face to hers in a passionate kiss as Camila felt her clamp down on her fingers, trying to hold on onto her furiously pumping digits. Camila broke the kiss and when her eyes finally caught Lauren’s, it was enough to also tilt her of the edge, her vision turning white as powerful waves of pleasure started to irradiate of her body, starting from her core all the way to her fingers and toes, leaving a prickling sensation in her limbs. Lauren’s name escaped her lips before she clamped down her teeth on her collarbone.

Everything was calm again, the bodies still closely entwined on the bed, their breathing slowly settling down. Camila was resting against her chest, her eyes still closed.

“You okay, baby?”

“So fucking good…”

“You cheated though, I was supposed to make you come.”

“It was all you…Fuck you’re so sexy.”

Camila’s heart was still racing, the image of Lauren lost in her climax still flashing behind her lids. Lauren couldn’t help but start peppering her hair, watching Camila lose it just from a glance was the hottest thing she had done. Camila might have topped, but she had felt so powerful being able to arouse her like this.

“…Was it good?”

Lauren chuckled incredulously, but quickly calmed down when she saw insecurity in Camila’s eyes.

“Love…it was more than good, okay? It was perfect.”

She then pulled her in a kiss, just savoring the moment, as the sun was slowly warming up her naked skin. That’s when she realized that Camila was still fully dressed. She had never been so out of it during sex before, it had been a completely different experience. Usually she was the one to take the lead, but this time around she just couldn’t help but fall under Camila’s spell. She felt bad though, and suddenly was the on feeling insecure.

“It really was…”

Camila didn’t seem to pick up on her girlfriend’s sudden mood change, instead she lowered herself a bit more on her chest, and latched on with a satisfied sigh.

“Seriously?”

 “I heard it’s important to stay well hydrated.”

“Dork.”

“But a dork who made you come!”

“Are you gonna be all cocky now?”

“Probably, at least as long as I’ll be riding that endorphins wave.”

“…I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Lauren kept playing with her hair, letting herself be lulled by the rhythmic pull of Camila’s suckles and slow breathing. Soon enough, both were asleep again.

***(end of steamy bit)***

When Lauren opened her eyes again she was alone in bed, but she could hear humming coming from the other side of the room. She got up, pulling on just her shirt and settling behind her girlfriend cutting fruits in a bowl. Her arms went around her waist and she nuzzled against the bare back of her neck as Camila had put them up in a messy bun.

“Morning, Lau.”

“Morning…”

Camila could feel her sleepy pout against her neck and grabbed a piece of strawberry before turning around. Lauren happily accepted the piece of fruit, her smile turning a bit smug at how focused Camila’s eyes were on her lips. She bit down on it, making some juice drip down her chin. Drops that Camila was quick to catch on the tip of her thumb.

“Be careful, you’re making a-”

Camila’s voice caught in her throat as Lauren licked the pad of her thumb, erasing all traces of the drops.

“There. No mess.”

Camila was speechless.

“Look who suddenly has nothing to say?”

Camila’s expression went from stunned to challenging, and she grabbed Lauren by the hips, pulling her up on the counter. Lauren was looking at her in surprise, and what Camila could now perfectly decipher as desire.

“Don’t play with me, Lauren.”

“Why? Are you afraid to lose?”

“Oh no, I just know too well I’ll win!”

Lauren felt both annoyed and turned on by the smirk and eyebrow raise her girlfriend sent her way as she said those last words.

“Oh really? How about we test out your theory?”

“…I really want to say yes, but we really need to start getting ready.”

“Let’s settle this in the shower, then. Double purpose.”

As she talked, she let herself get closer to the edge of the counter, making Camila’s hands get higher up her thighs, and then kissed and nibbled at her jaw until the other girl couldn’t take it anymore, and just pulled her down by the hand. They slowly made their way to the bathroom, the fact that they were kissing and locked in an embrace making it a bit more challenging. Just as they passed the door though, Lauren’s phone started ringing. With a groan she detached herself from Camila.

“It’s my mom’s ringtone. I need to get that. Don’t start without me!”

She kissed Camila one last time, admiring her for a second before rushing to her still ringing phone.

Camila leaned back against the door after closing it. Her fingers automatically reached for her still tingling lips. That’s when she finally noticed her reflection on the other side of the room: she had the biggest, stupidest smile on her face, her lips were even plumper than usual and her hair were a total mess! She looked so happy it would have probably seemed ridiculous to her if she wasn’t so far gone.

She waited for a bit, went to the bathroom, combed her hair a bit, washed her face, but Lauren was still on the phone. So after a while, she decided that a bath might be a good idea. They probably wouldn’t get to have a lot of them during tour, so they might as well enjoy it while it’s possible!

Once it was done, she looked around. She was pretty proud of herself, she had dimmed the light a bit, the bath was at the perfect temperature with just the right amount of bubbles. This was going to be heavenly.

Five more minutes passed, and Camila was now sitting in the bath. She wasn’t going to let it go to waste! She was distracting herself by looking around, but there wasn’t much too see. In her boredom she started playing around with the bubbles, at first she was mainly just pressing her hand on it, enjoying the feeling of the little bubbles popping under her palm, but soon she had covered her all hair, given herself a beard and a moustache, as well as elf ears. She caught her reflection in the mirror, so she sighed and let herself slide underwater.

Once she resurfaced, the boring waiting started again. She kept moving around, going from one side to the next, and that’s how she finally noticed one of her baby duckies on the ground. It must have fallen when they were cleaning up! She hastily pulled her upper body over the tub to reach out for it (cause she didn’t want to tempt fate by getting up in the tub), grabbed it, and pulled it back in the water with her. She cleaned it up by dunking it under, and went it came back up some bubbles stayed on top of its head like a tiny wig. A little giggle escaped her lips, and she covered her mouth right away. No, now wasn’t the time to be little! She pushed the little ducky away, and watched it wobble to the other side of the tub.

After another little while, the water started turning cold, so she took out the plug to let some water out, then started filling the tub with some more hot water. The swirling water soon made the little ducky come back to Camila’s side, bumping against her shoulder. Camila tried to ignore it, but it kept bumping against her every couple seconds.

“Little dude, some of us are trying to stay Big right now…What were you even doing on the floor? Didn’t your mama see that you weren’t there? Lucky for you though, I had just cleaned the bathroom so at least you weren’t on dirty floor…”

Not able to take the bumping anymore, Camila grabbed it and put it on her one of her crossed arms. There. Wouldn’t bump anymore. What was Lauren doing??

She sighed again, and looked back down, only to see the little ducky staring at her.

“Ducky, I can’t play with you! Ma- Lauren. Lauren’s supposed to come soon…I don’t know, she’s on the phone. But it’s been a while, and it’s pretty boring to wait in the bath, but we’ll both have to do it.”

Just then, ducky slipped down her arm, falling in the water head first.

“Alright, you don’t need to be so dramatic!...Alright, I’ll play with you, but just for a minute! And then I’ll put you back in the box with your family.”

On the other side of the house, Lauren was listening to her mom with a little frown on her face.

“How long do you guys have to wait for?”

“They want to question the boys, Matthew’s with them now, so I guess, however long it takes for them to be all questioned.”

“What an idiot!”

“Who would have thought that you of all person would be so highly critical…”

Her mom’s voice was teasing, so she knew that as much as they were mad at Chris, they weren’t too worried.

“Well, I was doing a better job at not being caught! They’re lucky they weren’t on college ground, at least. Seriously, going around with bottles of liquor in hand, and buying weed in the street…how stupid can they be? No, better yet, who thought paying a small fortune for them to go to college was a good idea?!”

“Well, thankfully the police was trying to catch the dealer, so hopefully thanks to their testimony they might get away with just a heavy fine. They’re college kids.”

“I hope so.”

“Me too, I’m just really sorry we won’t get to see you guys before you have to go…”

“It’s okay mom, don’t worry, I understand. But tell Chris that if he does something like that ever again, I’ll kick his ass!”

“Your father might do it first! Oh, I have to go nena, you guys have a safe flight, okay? And tell me when you get there! I love you!”

“Love you too, mom!”

When she hung up, she realized that she had been on the phone for the past half hour, and rushed to the bathroom. She stopped right at the door when she heard voices coming from inside.

“I think my mama forgot me too, Ducky…I know, I want out too, but I’m not really s’posed to get up in the tub on my own, cause I fell bad once…No, it doesn’t hurt anymore, but it really did back then…I dunno, but I don’t think mama would leave without me, do you?”

Lauren had to hold back a coo, and gently knocked on the door before going in. Camila looked startled, and was trying to hide little “Ducky” with her arm behind her back. Lauren kneeled down in front of the tub and put one of her hands on Camila’s cheek.

“I’m so sorry, baby. Mama was on the phone, it was important and I didn’t realize how much time had passed.”

“S’Okay…”

“I’m very proud, though, you did a very good job being good while mama was busy!”

Camila beamed up proudly up at her.

“Baby, I think you need to put Ducky out of the water, poor thing is not a fishie, he needs to breathe!”

Camila looked at her with big eyes and her lips parted in astonishment. How did mama know Ducky was with her in the bath? Or that she was hiding it underwater? She still made him resurface, cause mama was right, poor Ducky needed to breathe!

“Hi little fella, how come you ended up in the bath with my baby?”

“He was on the ground there, mama!”

Camila had rushed to the side of the tub where she had seen him, and was pointing at the exact spot on the ground. Her sudden move had splashed Lauren a bit, but she didn’t say anything because she knew her baby just wanted to be good.

“That’s great, and you rescued him?”

“Yeah! All by myself!”

“And how did you do that? You didn’t get out of the tub, did you, baby?”

“No, mama! Look!”

She did pushed herself over the tub, sliding down until she could put her hands down and steady herself with them.

“See?”

“I sure am seeing something! Put that little booty back in the water before it catches a cold!”

She playfully slapped it, making Camila giggle as she slid back in.

“Alright, it’s great that you didn’t get out of the tub, but let’s keep your new technique for emergency situations only.”

“Like baby ducky rescue?”

“Yeah, love. Like baby ducky rescue.”

“Okay.”

Lauren left a long kiss on her forehead before starting to clean up her baby who was already all pruned up. She got in to, but hurried through a shower while her baby played around, making her duck swim between her mama’s legs. Once they were all clean, mama put her in a big towel and put her down on the bed.

“Baby, do you think it would be okay to put on a pullup? I don’t want you to worry during the flight.”

Camila still had her duck in hand, and was playing around with it. She distractedly nodded, but Lauren needed to be sure.

“Use your voice, love. It’s important.”

“Yes, mama.”

“Alright, let me just go grab one, then.”

As mama left, Camila realized that the bottle of talc was on the coffee table. She could help mama! She could put it on herself, yeah, she’s a good helper! She grabbed ducky and got up to grab the bottle, she then sat back down on her towel and turned it upside down…but nothing happened. She turned it back around, and looked at it. Why wasn’t it working? She pressed again, and nothing. Oh! The top twisted! This time when she pressed on it, a big cloud of white went up, some went up her nose and she sneezed. Well, at least it smelled real good! She upturned the bottle again, taping on the bottom to make it rain down on her crotch. Mama was going to be so proud! After a second of reflection, she grabbed ducky and put some talc on him too, duckies always had their butt in the water, and she didn’t want him to get a rash!

“Baby! What are you doing?”

“Look mama! We ready for pullups!”

Lauren tried to hold it in, but the sight of Camila, face all covered in talc and a little pile of it between her legs with a proud grin on her face, made her burst out laughing. Camila only happily giggled along once mama passed a wet cloth on her face to clean her up.

“I helped, mama!”

“That’s very nice of you, baby, but from now on we’ll let mama handle the whole diapering process, okay?”

Camila took the time to look around, and noticed that she had indeed made a mess, as there were spots of talc everywhere. She looked back up at mama with flushed cheeks and nodded.

“Good.”

Mama then kissed her cheek and made her lie down. Still chuckling, she tried to rub in as much talc as she could, folding the towel over the rest. Camila busied herself with taking off the talc on Ducky, mama had said that baby duckies didn’t get rashes…lucky duckies!

Mama then pulled the pullup along her legs until it was comfortably resting where it needed to be. Once that was done, Camila just rolled to the side to move out of the towel so mama could put it away, which she did before patting her butt a couple times and telling her that she could go play while she would start on packing up everything.

Camila stayed in bed and grabbed Bobby, Nala and her paci. She just sat on mama’s side for a bit, no too sure about what to do. Lost in thoughts, she was just rubbing her feet together while gently suckling her paci, Nala, Bobby and Ducky sitting on her lap and looking up at her.

“Wha’ shoul’ we do, guyz?”

She looked at them for a long while before sighing because clearly they didn’t have any idea either. She looked around trying to find an idea, but was drawing a blank. Mama then came back into the main room, being done grabbing all their toiletries, so she got up and ran to mama, holding up her arms in hopes that mama would take her in her arms. Mama didn’t hesitate, placing her hands under her armpits and lifting her up on her hip.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“Me, Nala, Bobby and Ducky don’ know wha’ to play, mama!”

Lauren was relieved that nothing was wrong. She started gently swaying from side to side and peppering kisses on her baby’s neck. Her neck smelled like baby shampoo and talc so she nuzzled close for a moment, closing her eyes and enjoying this little tender moment. Camila nuzzled close to her neck too, but then moved back.

“Mama nooo…you makin’ me sleepy!”

“I’m sorry, baby.”

Lauren gently pushed some hair behind her ears, making Camila nuzzle against the palm of her hand with a little moan sounding like a mewl

“mamaaa!”

“Yes, kitten?”

“Sto-op, I wanna play!”

“What do you want to do? Do you want mama to get your perplexus or kinetic sand? You could also play with your play-doh! ”

“No.”

“Do you feel like coloring a beautiful picture for mama, then?”

“No, cause Ducky, Nala and Bobby can’t do all that with me, then! And they want to play, too!”

She could feel her baby getting fussy, and she was definitely rubbing her eyes from time to time, maybe she’d manage to put her down for a little nap while she packed.

“Hmm…I see! How about you guys watch something together?”

“Wha’?”

“Well, you still haven’t started The Lion Gard on Netflix, maybe you guys could have some quiet time and watch a couple episodes?”

Camila thought about it for a second.

“…Only if we can be in the hammock!”

Lauren walked her out, and tucked her in with all her stuffies and Ducky before giving her her laptop and starting the first episode. After a kiss on everyone forehead per Camila’s request, she went back inside and started back on folding and arranging all their clothes in their bags. They still had stuff to get from their parents’ houses, but by now most of it was here. With a bit of a heavy heart, she emptied the fridge and cabinets of what couldn’t be saved till their return, cleaning up everything and covering what was covered when they arrived. When she was done, and the house looked basically just like when they first came in, she went outside, expecting to find her baby deeply asleep by now, and hoping that she would be able to join in the little group nap. Lunch would be delivered in half an hour, so she could relax for a bit.

…But Camila wasn’t there, nor were any of her toys. The laptop had been carefully placed on the table outside, and there were no signs of her baby.

“Camila?”

Lauren’s heart started beating faster, a thousand scenarios flashing through her mind as she could spot her anywhere on the beach.

“CAMILA?”

She knew Camila was a great swimmer, but the sight of the sea ominously receding from the shore still made a long shiver of terror go down her spine. She had to act quickly, she reasoned that Camila wouldn’t have gone all dressed in the water or taken her plushies in with her, so since there was nothing on the beach it had to mean that she hadn’t gone in. She took a big calming breath before starting scoping the surroundings of the house while calling out her name.

She couldn’t find anything or anyone, but then her eyes caught on a little yellow spot high up on the branch of the tallest tree a bit further up. Her feet started running before she even realized it, she started calling out for her, scanning each branch trying to see if her baby was up there, unable to find her she started looking down, and she froze as she noticed the form covered by a blanket on the ground, and, lying right next to it, Nala.

“CAMILA!!”

No, no, no, this COULD NOT be happening! Her baby couldn’t be there on the ground! Just as she reached for it, and started tugging it up, she heard quick footsteps behind her.

“No!! Mama, don’t break the mattress! It’s to save ducky!”

Lauren’s brain short-circuited. That’s when she realized that, under the blanket were only leaves, and when she turned around, Camila was right there, safe and sound with Bobby in her arms.

“Oh my god, Camila!”

She pulled her up in her arms, squeezing her hard against her. Her heart was racing, and her breath were shaky as she nuzzled her face against Camila’s neck, trying to calm down.

“Mama, you squishing me!”

“Oh baby…I was so worried, I thought…God, I thought you’d fallen…”

Camila finally realized what was wrong, and noticing just how panicked mama was, she started tearing up.

“Sorry, mama…We were playing Lion Guards, no crying, mama.”

Feeling a bit dizzy from all her emotions, Lauren lowered them down to the ground on the leafy mattress, making Camila sit in her lap and holding her close, her arms still tensed. She was right there, in her arms, perfectly unharmed. She just had to wrap her head around it. When Camila starting sniffling, Lauren started leaving small kisses against her skin.

“It’s okay, baby love. Mama just got really scared because she couldn’t find you.”

“I didn’t mean to be bad, mama! We just wanted to play outside…”

“I know, love. You’re not bad baby, it’s okay, mama’s just relieved that you’re alright.”

“I’m always worrying mama…”

“That’s not on you, baby, that’s on me. When I love people, I worry about them, and mama loves you a whoooole lot.”

“…Really?

“Yeah, you’re mama’s favorite baby in the whole wide world.”

Camila just giggled, relieved to see that mama didn’t look like she was gonna cry anymore.

“You’re my favorite mama.”

“Good, cause I plan on keeping you, little munchkin, for a very long time! Now, why don’t you tell mama what you were doing?”

“Playing Lion Guard, mama! We watched some episodes, and we really wanted to do that to! But nobody needed to be saved, so we had to find something!”

“Is that why your duck is stuck on a branch?”

“Uhm…yeah…Ducky tried to fly, but he didn’t do a very good job.”

“I see that, how were you planning on saving him?”

“Oh!”

Camila pushed herself up and ran to grab a huge branch that she had been holding before Lauren scooped her up.

“Me and Bobby found a big branch!”

“Bobby and I. And why was Nala on the floor, baby?”

“Well, Ducky was scared so Nala said she would stay with him while we went to look for a branch.”

“Nala’s really brave.”

“Yeah, she’s a lion, mama! And I knew she’d do a good job since she protected you and me before.”

“That’s very sweet, baby, but how about Nala stays on the blanket next time? Lions don’t like going in the washing machine for a bath too much.”

“Oh.”

Camila then grabbed Nala, and gently patted away the mix of sand and dirt on her.

“All clean, mama!”

“Not too sure about that…How about you get Ducky out of that tree? We need to leave soon, baby.”

Camila put Nala and Bobby on the leaf mattress (so they would catch Ducky), and then grabbed onto the branch and gently poked it out of the branch with her little tongue picking out in concentration. The little duck fell out of the tree right on the mattress. Camila squealed excitedly and did a little happy dance around her plushies.

“We saved him, mama!”

“Good job, baby! Now let’s grab everyone, and go back inside.”

Camila happily grabbed her toys and let mama get the blanket, putting Ducky on it after a bit, because he deserved to be comfy after being stuck up there for so long! She then put Bobby on Nala like on a horse, and started skipping around and giggling.

“Bobby doesn’t feel like walking, baby?”

“No, mama! It’s cooler to ride a lion!”

“But lions are not ponies, baby. You’re not supposed to ride them.”

“S’okay, mama! They’re friends! Nala said yes.”

Lauren just laughed. She knew her baby, and that right here was hyper-Camila-ready-to-crash, which would probably happen the minute she started the car!

Once back at the house, they made quick work of moving everything in the car, checking that everything was locked properly.

“Alright, baby! We’re all good to go! How about you go in the back this time?”

“Nu-uh, I’m good mama, good girls sit in the front.”

Lauren frowned before remembering that it was indeed what she had said when bringing Camila back from the trampoline park. She was so mad at first that it had just come out. Camila was in-between headspaces, but clearly she remembered that well enough…Great.

“Yes, you’re my good baby girl, love, but you would be all comfy in the back.”

“Nu-uh. With mama.”

“How about this, mama tucks you in all nice with your blanket and plushies, and I give you one of my scarfs so you can have your paci with you?”

“…Can Ducky come, too?”

“Yes, baby, Ducky can stay with you.”

“…Okay.”

Lauren then pulled her in her arms, checking her pullup as she went.

“Mamaaaa…”

“Mama just wanted to check if you were dry, love.”

“I am!”

“Good, let’s go!”

She quickly went on with her task, she knew how grumpy Camila could be! She placed her in the car, put on her seatbelt for her, arranged Nala, Bobby and Ducky around her before covering her up with the blanket.

“Open for mama, little love.”

Camila sleepily did so, the whole tucking-in routine making her feel relaxed and sleepy. Mama gently pushed the pacifier in, waiting until she had sucked on it a couple times before letting go. Lauren finally grabbed her scarf, and pulled it around Camila’s neck so it would both support her head and hide the paci. Her windows were tinted, but with paparazzi this days, she wouldn’t take the chance. A few kisses and tummy rubs later, Camila let her go sit in the front and start their journey back to their parent’s place. With a last glance in the rear view mirror and a bittersweet smile, she started the car and made her way out of their little safe haven and back to life as they knew it.

Chapter Text

“Baby…Time to wake up, love.”

Lauren watched amusedly as Camila just raised Bobby higher up her face before settling back down again. She started suckling back on her paci, but Lauren knew better than to believe that it meant she was awake. The whole ride she couldn’t help but have her eyes drift off to the little sleeping figure in the backseat, and every now and then she would see her start suckling again in her sleep like she did at night. Lauren loved those moments as it just added to cuteness of the scene as Camila was all curled up under her blanket, Nala being used as her pillow while she kept a good grip on one of Bobby’s ears to keep him close to her face. Ducky, for his part, was snuggly nestled between her legs and stomach, secured that way so he wouldn’t fall off.  

“Come on, Camila. Nap time is over, baby.”

This time, Camila whined and buried her face deeper into Nala, bringing Bobby up to her ear so the sound would go away and she could go back to sleep. Lauren chuckled before unbuckling herself, the car was already parked so she just got out and made her way to the backseat.

“Come on, little love, mama’s got a little treat for you if you get up.”

That did pick Camila’s interest, so she wearily did so, looking up at mama to see what she was talking about.

“Come on, up, up, up!”

She grabbed her baby and gently sat her down, making her whine and try to wiggle out of her arms.

“Noooo, mama! Nap time!”

“No love, it’s lunch time now, baby.”

Her baby still wasn’t cooperating, trying to snuggle back under her covers, it was time to bring out the big guns. She leaned over and opened a bit the box sitting on the passenger’s seat. A heavenly scent started feeling the car, making Camila rise like pulled by a mystical force. Lauren started smiling at the stars starting to shine in her baby’s eyes. It was a special treat for her baby, she had ordered it earlier at the house, but had it delivered somewhere else, she didn’t want to risk their safe haven being discovered in such a stupid way. Camila was so deep asleep that she hadn’t even stirred when she had parked to get it.

“Mama! It’s pizza!!!”

“I know love, my baby’s been really good and took all her medicine and kept her blood pressure low, so I thought she deserved a treat.”

Her baby started making grabby hands at the box, but Lauren was quick to close it back.

“Mamaaa! Pizzaaa!!”

“Not in the car, baby.”

“But mamaa!!”

“Nope, messy babies don’t get to eat inside!”

“I’m hungry!!”

“And mama’s gonna feed you, but outside, grumpy! Come on, grab everyone, we’re having a picnic!”

That brightened Camila’s mood who started grinning up at her mama before hurriedly grabbing all her plushie friends to take them out with her. Just as she had managed to get out of the car with her arms full, she looked back to see that Ducky had fallen under the seat, so she dived back, letting her legs dangle out of the car as she tried to reach for her duckie.

“What’s a baby butt doing out here?”

“Baby duckie rescue, mama!”

Just then she managed to grab Ducky, but when she tried to wiggle out, she realized she was stuck. She’d probably manage to do it if she let go of her plushies, but that wasn’t her plan.

“Mama?”

“Are you stuck, cute butt?”

“huh-uh.”

Lauren let out a little chuckle, and put the box on top of the car to pull out Camila of the car.

“Thank you!”

“You’re welcome, love.”

Lauren gently booped her baby’s nose, making it crinkle in the cutest way. God, she was adorable!

“Alright, just give me a minute, I just need to grab a few things.”

Lauren went back to the trunk, collecting all she needed. In the meantime, Camila’s eyes couldn’t help but be attracted by the box sitting on top of the car…Poor pizza…abandoned right here…She checked with her plushies and all agreed that it was a mission for the Lion’s Guard. She put them all back on a seat, making sure that Ducky wasn’t at risk of falling, and then climbed on it herself, trying not to move the car as she pulled herself up. It was right there, her fingertips were just touching the cardboard, when she was suddenly pulled back into a pair of arms. She couldn’t help a whine, feeling herself be pulled away from her prize.

“Camilaaa…”

Camila sighed before turning back to look with remorseful eyes at Lauren.

“…Sorry mama…”

“No more climbing or doing things behind mama’s back, alright? Next time you’ll be punished, this is your last warning baby.”

“…Yes mama…”

Lauren pulled her back on the ground.

“Now grab your plushies, and go set up the picnic blanket. I think you can manage that without getting in trouble?”

Camila nodded before scampering off with the blankets and her plushies. No way was she making mama rethink letting her eat pizza. She rushed there, the sooner it was done, the sooner she’d get to eat!

In less than five minutes, they were able to dig in. And just as Camila was reaching once again for the pizza, mama stopped her once more.

“Wait, baby!”

“Mamaaa!!”

“Just a second!”

Lauren grabbed a small towel and started to tuck it in Camila’s collar. Even Big Camila couldn’t eat pizza without making a mess, so there was no way Camzi was eating that without some sort of bib. Camila hated the feeling of it, and started trying to tug at it.

“Baby if you want your pizza, you’ll stop fussing with the towel and start eating instead.

Camila sighed, but there was no reason to keep wasting time. She let out a long moan of pleasure as the taste of cheese and pepperoni exploded in her mouth. Her eyes closed in delight. She had nearly forgotten how good it was!

“I see someone’s enjoying their treat.”

“It’s soooo good, mama!”

Lauren just laughed because her baby’s face was already covered in tomato sauce and grease. She was so glad for that improvised bib!

Camila was inhaling her pizza, and mama was getting worried. The last thing her baby for their 5-hour flight was a stomachache.

“Baby, slow down, your tummy’s gonna hurt if you eat too fast.”

Camila slowed down for about a minute before starting back again. This time Lauren just grabbed the slice out of her hand, making her baby whine in discontentment.

“Mamaa! S’ ma pizza!”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, Camila. And mama told you to slow down.”

“But mama…”

Camila’s eyes started to brim with unshed tears. Yeah, her baby was definitely still tired.

“Come here, love. Sit between mama’s legs.”

Camila crawled on her hand and knees there, letting mama sit her against her chest. Cuddling was nice, but she wanted pizza! Just as she started whining, mama brought the slice back to her mouth and she took a big bite of it with a happy sigh. She hadn’t even swallowed the first that she tried to go for second, but mama pulled the slice away.

“Mama!”

“Swallow what’s in your mouth first, baby. Mama’s feeding you, you’ll have more once you’re done with your bite, and no but mama.”

Camila did so with a pout, but proudly showed mama her empty mouth once she was done.

“Good girl!”

Mama gave her a little peck on the lips, and they kept on this way: mama feeding her, Camila showing she was done, getting a peck and another bite. It significantly lengthened their lunch, but baby was able to feel full before inhaling the whole box. Lauren didn’t mind, she had made them leave early so Camila would have more time to come out of littlespace before having to deal with goodbyes at her parents’ and their flight to LA.

She lovingly cleaned up her face and her hands with the towel, before lying back on the blanket, bringing her baby with her. They stayed like this for a little while, Camila playing with her hair while Lauren drew patterns on her arm. After a bit, Camila’s hands started wandering, and when they finally settled on playing with the buttons of her shirt, Lauren knew right away what her baby wanted. She also knew it couldn’t happen. Those past few days together, Camila had gotten used to nurse after meals, but that couldn’t happen right now, and probably not that often on tour. She let out a shuddering sigh. Things were going to be hard for a couple days, but she had to try to make the transition as easy for her baby as possible. So, instead of letting her cuddle closer, she got up and joyfully told Camila that it was time to go back on their way if they wanted to have time to grab their things.

“But mama…”

“Come on, love! We gotta hurry or we won’t make it! Are you not excited to see the girls?”

That put back a smile on her baby’s face who nodded excitedly.

“Grab your stuff, baby! Mama will go throw the trash away, so go sit in the car.”

She kept her smile until Camila was out of sight. Once she reached the bin, she let her shoulders cave in a bit. She took a big breath as she scrunched up her face. She could feel the throb in her breasts, the simple knowledge that her baby wanted to nurse being enough to have them react automatically. She knew it would pass, and it was better to start right now anyway. After recollecting herself for a minute, she made her way back to the car.

Camila was waiting for her in the passenger seat, her stuffies and Little things all put away in her special backpack. Lauren had hoped she would get to have her baby with her for a bit longer, Little Camila was easier to distract for one, and two, she was really going to miss having her baby around so often. She couldn’t help but dread the adjustment period that was coming, her mind always going on back on how it had happened the last time. No. This time was different. They were different. They had learned from their mistakes. Right?

With a final deep breath she went and sat in the car.

“It’s gonna be alright, Lauren.”

Lauren looked at her, her expression was sad but serene, she held her gaze a bit longer before starting the car. Once they were back on the road, she put her hand on Camila’s lap, letting the girl intertwine their fingers.

“You have to promise you’ll come to me this time. I know we can make it, but we need to communicate and be a 100% honest. It’s okay not to be okay, but holding it all in is not healthy.”

“I promise.”

“Well, you better, because this time I swear I’ll turn your butt red as a shiny apple.”

Camila just kissed her hand, her eyes never leaving the profile or her girlfriend.

“How do you feel, love?...Because to be honest I’m nervous…and sad. I just never wanted those past few days to come to an end, and knowing we’re going for another 3 months of touring is a bit terrifying.”

She had to be honest, she knew that the best way of making Camila open up to her, she had to take the first step. She knew the little brunette well, and if there was one thing she knew, is that if you were open with her, she would do the same in return, never one to let people feel bad about themselves. She had been spending the past nights thinking about it, and the solution had appeared to her as she was looking back at photos from X factor she had of them on her phone. Camila was her best friend first, and she had to stop trying to constantly protect her by sheltering her away from bad things every time. It was hard sometimes, her mama side always wanting to protect her baby from everything wrong in this world, but that’s not what Camila needed.

“I feel that way too…It’s like an ongoing battle in my brain, I know it’s going to be fine, but there’s a part of me…a Little part of me, that just…We’re not even gone and I already feel it becoming needy, and…”

“And it’s totally fine. Don’t think I don’t feel like this sometimes too. I can’t count how many times I just wanted to grab you and take you back to the bus for some cuddles or to nurse. We just need to find some sort of routine, and not get overwhelmed by everything else happening.”

“It’s going to be hard…”

“But it’s going to be worth it, I promise.”

Lauren pulled their joined hands to her lips for a kiss, before focusing back on the road. They made their way to the Jaureguis in silence. Things went fast there, as Lauren nearly had all her stuff with her. Since nobody was home, she was done in less than 10 minutes.

“Well, I got everything I need.”

Camila was patiently waiting for her on the couch. She looked up from her phone with a small smile and patted the spot beside her. Lauren did as requested, and put her arm around Camila, putting her face on her shoulder so she could look at the screen too.

“What are you doing?”

“Looking at my notifications on my last tweet.”

Lauren peppered some kissed on her jaw, enjoying their closeness.

“What are they saying?”

“It’s mostly well wishes, and people telling me how worried they were…”

“What about the rest?”

“What?”

“There’s something you’re not telling me.”

“Just…People are raving about camren. And they like, posted gifs of…what happened on stage.”

“How does that make you feel?”

“I don’t know…I know you don’t really like when people mention camren, but most of the time I don’t mind. Especially now, that camren IS real! It’s just…putting up the pictures is…”

“Weird?”

“Wrong? Like, it’s weird, but it was such a scary and overwhelming moment…and people are like raving about how cute it is, and asking what you were telling me, and that’s just…I don’t know.”

Camila let out a long sigh before putting down her phone to cuddle into Lauren instead.

“I know what you mean… They sent me some too, and I think it’s pretty messed up. I thought I was going to lose you forever, and those people just throw the images of you…like that…in my face, and it makes me so mad. I just think there should be a limit. Like, would they do that if it had happened to someone else? And what if they were in the situation, would they like to have strangers spam them with it?”

“I sort of get it, though.”

“That’s because you’re a fangirl, babe.”

“I mean…yeah, maybe. But I get it, it was a genuine moment, like it can’t be PR or anything, they got to see a real and raw moment, but…I don’t see how they can think we might enjoy looking back at it? It just doesn’t need to be constantly thrown in our face.”

“We just need to give it a few days, it will probably die down once we’ll be on the road.”

“It’s just…It makes things harder, it puts us under the lens of the media, and…Fuck, I just want to be able to take my girl on a date without worrying about paps…”

Lauren couldn’t help smiling like an idiot at that…She was Camila’s girl.

“Stop smiling like a lunatic, doofus.”

Lauren just kissed her. They had time, the house was empty…the temptation was too strong, so soon enough Camila straddled her, taking their kiss into a real make-out session.

***(steamy bit)***

Her hands started wandering the perfect figure of her girlfriend, taking in every inch of her. Lauren’s hand then grabbed hold of the petite girl’s hips, pulling her closer to her, and making her grind against her lap. Camila threw back her head at the sensation. The zipper of Lauren’s pants was rubbing right where she needed it, and without needing anymore prompting, she quickened her movement, her arousal growing tenfold which each of her grinds. She hardly felt Lauren wrench off their shirts, too far gone in her pleasure. There was no taunting or anything this time, just hands clutching to each other, teeth clinking and tongues wielding together again and again in searing kisses.

“Lauren, I’m…”

“Shh…”

Lauren gently let go of her hips to grab her face instead, bringing their foreheads together. Camila was panting in her mouth, trying to keep eye contact with her though waves upon of pleasure were crashing through her. Her pants turned into a moan as she felt Lauren’s hand slide into her underwear. Lauren let out a moan of her own feeling how wet Camila was.

Their eyes still locked, Lauren slowly entered one of her fingers, and groaned feeling how tight she was, one finger being enough to feel the little brunette cramp around her.

“Baby…Did you…have you ever fingered yourself?”

Camila could only shake her head, her head thrown back once again at the new feeling.

“Look at me, baby.”

Camila forced her hooded eyes open, her gaze now black as tar as she stared into her partner’s eyes. With her free hand, Lauren grabbed her hip and made her hump against her again. As Camila grinded back, her clit bumped into Lauren’s thumb, sending shivers of pleasure down her back, again and again. She kept humping on Lauren’s finger, and nearly whimpered when she felt Lauren grab her hip to make her slow down, but before she could protest, a second finger was added to the first, and she felt them curve inside of her.

“OOooh, fuck!”

Her voice cracked as white hot pleasure blinded her senses all of a sudden. Lauren kept pumping into her, feeling Camila’s walls clamp against her, both pushing her out and pulling her in. But her focus wasn’t on that, but rather on the spectacle of Camila, back arched, head thrown back in ecstasy as her thighs were shaking in time with her orgasm. It was probably the hottest sight Lauren had ever witnessed. When Camila’s shaking calmed down, Lauren grabbed her face to put their forehead together again. She lovingly peppered her face, waiting for Camila’s breathing to slow down before finally kissing her properly.

“That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen, Camila.”

As she said it, she gently pulled out her fingers, making Camila quiver once again and moan while hiding against her neck. She pulled her closer against her and gently stroked her naked back.

“Does it hurt, baby?”

Camila only had the strength to shake her head, still too far gone to talk.

“Did it feel good?”

Lauren had a little self-satisfied smirk on her face, happy to have finally be able to return the favor. 

“…So good…”

Lauren smirk turned more tender and loving, enjoying the warmth of her girlfriend against her. After a bit she felt Camila fidget a bit, which made her remember the mess that still was between her legs. As ready as ever, she extended her arm to grab the box of baby wipes in her purse (they were very practical on a plane). When she put back her hand in Camila’s pants, the latter first complained a bit, feeling still too sensitive for a round two, before startling when she felt the cold wipes against her skin.

“I know babe, I’ll be fast.”

She quickly cleaned her, before readjusting everything and buttoning back her pants. She then grabbed another wipe and passed it over Camila’s still slightly sweaty upper body. Her skin broke in goosebumps, but the cold wipe felt good against her overheated skin, and made her feel less drowsy. Lauren helped her back into her shirt, next.

“Wait, Lauren you haven-”

“I’m good, love. I just wanted to make you feel good.”

“But I want to make you feel good too!”

“Later! I don’t think I could come with my whole family staring at me from the mantelpiece anyway.”

Camila turned around to see that, indeed, the family portrait in front of them seemed to be looking at them. She felt herself blush, realizing what had happened.

***(end of steamy bit)***

“Oh my god…we just had sex in your parents’ living room!”

“Yup…seems like it was a day of firsts for the both of us…”

They looked back at each other and burst out laughing at their ridiculous situation.

“I’ll never be able to look at them in the eye ever again!”

“Could have been worse, we could have gotten caught for real.”

“Oh my god, did you ever…?”

“NO! Thank god, no!”

Lauren put back her own shirt on, making Camila pout at her.

“Come on, we have to get going, we still need to stop by your place.”

Camila sighed but agreed, getting up from Lauren’s lap, and stumbling once she was upright. Lauren looked at her with a smirk.

“Shut up! My left leg was just asleep.”

“Sure…”

“I thought we had to get going, grab your stuff and let’s go.”

“Do you need me to piggyback you to the car.”

Camila just groaned, annoyed, as she grabbed one of Lauren’s bag. Lauren kept her smirk in place for most of the ride, to the annoyance of Camila who decided to just look out the window, but still kept her hand in Lauren’s.

Once they parked, though, Lauren’s smugness quickly transformed into nervousness. She hadn’t talked to Sinu since the “incident” at the table a few days ago. She knew Sinu had just had a couple drinks too much, but her words still haunted her. It was a bit easier now that they had talked at length about all her insecurities with Camila, but her comments about being overbearing still stung a bit.

She was a bit relieved when Sofi was the one to open the door. The little girl gave her a long hug, making Camila huff and pout beside her.

“Oh I see how it is, now that Lauren is around, you don’t care about me anymore.”

“Nooo, I love you Kaki!”

Sofi then threw herself in Camila’s arms, putting a wet kiss on her cheek.

“Hey, girls! You’re here!”

Alejandro made his way to them, embracing them for a bit, before announcing he was going to make some coffee for them. Sinu then arrived, and Lauren’s heart started being faster at her sight. She was a bit stiff when Sinu hugged her, unprepared for the nice gesture, but still hugged her back. She really loved Sinu, and she hated thinking that maybe things would be weird between them from now on.

“Hi mom, we can’t stay long, I’m just gonna go get my things.”

“I’ll come with you, Camz.”

“Wait, Lauren! Would you mind coming with me for a minute?

 “Mami…”

“No, it’s okay ba-Camz. I’ll be up in a minute”

Camila looked at her with concern. To be perfectly honest, she had also feared what would happen when the two would see each other again, but Lauren gave her a little nod and a smile so she sighed and nodded back. She then turned to her mom and leveled her with a warning look. Last thing she wanted was for her to upset Lauren again. Sinu had a little amused smile on her face, so Camila rolled her eyes before starting to climb up the stairs.

“Come on, let’s go on the porch.”

Lauren apprehensively followed her, sitting beside her on a bench.

“I want to apologize, mija. My reaction the other night was completely unfair.”

“It’s okay, I understand. There was a lot happening, you had just lost your dad.”

“No. It’s not okay, Lauren. I should have never talked to you like that. I…I got scared.”

“Death is scary.”

Lauren didn’t really understand what Sinu meant, she was just glad the woman seemed to want to make things right between them.

“Not of death, mija. I just…I got scared because I realized that my Camila doesn’t need me as much as before. I felt like now that she had you, she didn’t need me anymore, and…When I had to leave to take care of Pipo, I felt like I had abandoned her, I felt like the worst mother for picking him over her. But you were there. And when she came back, it felt like Camila was nearly a different person, you know? And I wasn’t there to see it. I wasn’t mad at you, I was mad at myself. And wort of all, I didn’t understand. I’m really sorry that it took me so long to realize that, by the way. In the midst of everything, I was pretty slow to understand that what had happened to my daughter was…love!”

Lauren stiffened once again. She had definitely not seen that coming!

“I was being ridiculous, and I’m so sorry for that Lauren, but I swear that the minute I understood, I was just happy for you guys. You two look really happy, and I know you’ll take good care of my daughter, mija. I guess I was just too blind to see how in love Camila was with you.”

Sinu grabbed her hand, and Lauren finally turned to look at her. She was met with a soft smile and a hug, and she felt her shoulders relax in the embrace. It was like a weight was lifted of her shoulders.

“Do you love her, mija?”

“Yeah…I really love her.”

“That’s great, I know you’ll be great for each other.”

They just stayed there a bit longer until they heard the sound of heavy footsteps going down the stairs, which was their cue to go back inside.

“Camila! Why did you try to grab everything at once?”

Camila was heaving, sitting on the ground, her bags now scattered at the base of the staircase.

“I don’t…believe…in multiple trips!”

“You’re an idiot.”

“You’re an idiot!”

“Well, mija, that’s no way to talk to your girlfriend, and she’s right.”

Camila literally choked on air, looking up at her mom in shock.

“Oh don’t look at me that way! How long was it going to take you to properly introduce us?”

“I…”

Camila was at a loss for words.

“Well?”

“Uhm…mom, this is Lauren, my girlfriend.”

“See? Wasn’t so hard, was it?”

Camila was still dumbfounded, sitting on the floor, looking at Lauren with bewilderment. Her girlfriend just shrugged as Sinu went in the kitchen.

Lauren grabbed Camila’s hand to pull her back to her feet.

“What just happened?”

“I honestly don’t know. She dropped it on me just a minute ago and I’m still in shock, too.”

“Mijas! Coffee’s ready!”

Camila grabbed Lauren’s hand and made her way to the kitchen. There, waiting for them, was standing Alejandro, little smirk in place with his arms crossed in front of him. When they sat down, he looked with insistence at Camila before clearing his throat.

“What?”

“Well, don’t you have something to tell me, Camilita?”

The girl looked back between her mom and dad, seeing the mischief dancing in their eyes before sighing.

“…Dad, this is Lauren, my girlfriend.”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Lauren.”

He went and shook Lauren’s hand to the latter’s surprise.

“Uhm, It’s…nice to meet you, sir.”

“Are you taking good care of my daughter?”

“Well, uhm, I think so?”

“You don’t look very sure of yourself…”

“Dad! Leave her alone! Would you guys stop this! I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, there was a lot going on and I didn’t know how you guys would take it. And you knew already, dad!”

 “Mija! You’re killing my fun!”

“What? You knew?”

“Oh come on! They’re making heart eyes at each other all the time!”

“Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“I thought, you knew, amor!”

“Don’t “amor” me Alejandro!”

Camila let out a little sigh of relief as the couple kept bickering at each other, at least the spotlight wasn’t on them anymore. Lauren looked to still be in shock, so she grabbed her hand and finished preparing her coffee for her, adding milk and sugar.

“Well, I guess that was a good preparation for telling the girls.”

“I swear, you Cabellos will give me a heart attack one day.”

“That’s what makes us so loveable.”

She gave Lauren a little peck on the lips.

“Now drink your coffee.”

Lauren went back for more, needing a little loving after all those emotions, that’s when they heard the distinct click of a camera.

“Daaad!”

“What? It’s not everyday my little girl brings someone home! Aw, you guys look so cute!”

“Oh my god…”

Camila hid her face in her arms on the table in despair.

Soon enough theyir cups were empty and it was time to say goodbye. They all hugged each other a little closer than usual, still affected by all that had happened those past couple days. Sinu gave Lauren an extra-long hug, feeling like she had to show once again that everything was fine and that she was sorry.

“You’ll keep me updated on you guys, right? And you take good care of her.”

“I promise, it’s gonna be okay, Sinu.”

“I have no doubt.”

On the other side of the room were Camila and Sofi, the poor little girl was crying her heart out at the idea that her sister was already leaving again.

“It’s gonna be okay, Sofi. We’ll skype every week like before, and I’ll call home at least twice a week, okay?”

“But I don’t want you to go!”

“I know, baby. I wish you could always be by my side, but you have school and I have tour. The girls need me, I can’t just hide under your bed.”

“But…”

“Shh, I promise you’ll see me soon, you won’t have time to miss me.”

“I always miss you.”

It was getting harder and harder for Camila to hold back her tears, so she pulled her sister close to hide her tears against her shoulder. She hated not getting to see her grow up, or not be able to be here for her first days of school or recitals. But that was the life they had chosen, they knew it would be like that. Living your dream was full of sacrifices, and that was one she had to make.

“Hey sharki! Come here, baby.”

Camila looked with a teary smile at Lauren with Sofi in her arms, comforting the girl.

“I want to go with you guys!”

“But where would you sleep? Uhm…I guess there’s some space in the cutlery drawer…or…how would you feel about sleeping in the shower?”

“Noo!”

Sofi was already forgetting her tears, starting to smile at Lauren’s silliness.

“You’re right, you’re right…and the cutlery drawer is really uncomfortable, I tried once, and my back hurt for two days!”

The little girl was laughing now, and Lauren kept cheering her up until they left. After a thousand recommendations from Camila’s parents, they were finally able to get in the car that was now packed with all their bags.

“I swear, everytime we go back home, we leave with three times to amount of stuff we got there with!”

Camila didn’t answer, just pulling her in a long loving kiss.

“Thank you for cheering up Sofi.”

“I hate when she cries, and then you start crying and that’s even worse.”

Camila kissed her again, her heart feeling like it would explode with the amount of love she had for this girl.

“You’re the best person I know.”

“Nah, that would be you, love.”

“Stop trying to be smooth, and accept the compliment.”

“Alright, alright, no need to get bossy! Thank you, even if you’re wrong. There, happy?”

Camila just laughed at her antics, and Lauren just smiled softly at her. She was glad she had managed to cheer her up too, she hated seeing Camila with sad eyes, and goodbyes were always hard. She finally turned on the key, holidays were over, and it was time for them to return to their life. Things weren’t going to be easy, but this time Lauren felt ready for whatever would come their way.

Chapter Text

The return to reality was harshly achieved at their arrival at the airport. A horde of paparazzi was waiting for them, snapping away as soon as they were out of the taxi. Lauren had left her car at the Cabellos, thinking a taxi would be a more discreet way in… Clearly it didn’t help!

“Camila! Did you have a mental breakdown?”

“It is true that you were in rehab?”

“Lauren, can you tell us anything?”

The shouts went on an on as they made their way inside. Camila had insisted that they kept their distance, and it was taking everything in Lauren to not grab Camila’s hand…or better yet, punch one of those guys!

“Don’t.”

It was said low enough that none of the paparazzi seemed to have picked up on it. Lauren had to grit her teeth, but she stayed in control, Camila was right. Reacting would only make things worse, and a scandal was the last thing they needed right now. Advised of their arrival, the airport security soon blocked out the paparazzi, letting the girls quickly go through check-up and security.

Camila was now waiting in a corner with their bags while Lauren was getting them some snacks and water for the flight. They had been updated to first class and were going to go to the first class lounge, she just had to wait for Lauren to come back with whatever “healthy snack” she had found. Ugh, she wanted goldfish crackers! She wasn’t even allowed to come along because Lauren said she’d try to get other stuff…which admittedly she might have, didn’t mean she couldn’t sulk in a corner.

“Oh my god! …Camila?”

The girl was about sixteen and was approaching Camila with tearful eyes. It took Camila right out of her funk. She stood up and gave a warm smile to the young girl

“Hi! Oh don’t cry sweetie! Do you want a picture?”

“I was so worried that something bad had really happened!”

A few tears fell down her cheeks, and Camila pulled her in a hug, touched by the worry of her fan.

“Hey! I’m all good, I swear, so no need to worry no more.”

“I’m sorry for your grandpa, too.”

That part did surprise Camila, she hadn’t mentioned it yet on social media, she needed a little of time, but then again her mom had posted about it already. It was always weird to think that her parents had about 200k followers on their twitters.

“Thanks.”

Lauren came back, her eyes focused on the content of the bag she was holding.

“Alright! I decided to get fancy and get us some Fiji water, and for snacks, don’t start complaining, I got some apple chips…”

She cut her sentence short when she realized that Camila was no longer alone, and a teenager was looking at her completely start stuck.

“Oh! Hi! I’m sorry I didn’t see you!”

“Oh my god…”

The girl launched for her like she had for Camila. Lauren accepted the hug, looking up at Camila over her shoulder, and the the little brunette just shrugged with a little smile.

“Can I get a picture with you two?”

The girl got her picture, and then the girls pretexted to have a flight to catch so they could get away without a horde of fans running after them. The girl hugged them one last time before rushing back to her parents, showing them her pictures while the girls quickly made their way to the lounge.

They found a spot in corner with a sofa facing the runway, and got comfy watching planes departing and landing. Ten minutes in, Camila started yawning.

“I’m bored!”

“No, you’re tired.”

“I had a nap!”

“You’re tired and cranky.”

“I’m not!”

Lauren just sighed and pulled her down so she was lying with her head on her lap.

“Lauren!”

“Just close your eyes for a bit.”

“I won’t sleep!”

“Then maybe just relax a bit?”

“No! It’s just…I can’t sleep…”

“Why not, love?”

“I…I don’t have…my “things”.”

Lauren finally understood the core of the problem. Camila had gotten used to having all her little things with her whenever they’d go for a nap.

“It’s gonna be okay, baby.”

She started digging through her backpack, taking out Nala to hand to Camila.

“Lo…”

“It’s okay baby, I’ll keep watch.”

Camila dutifully cuddled into the plushie, trying to let herself be soothed by Nala’s homely and familiar smell, but it wasn’t enough, and she heard herself whimper before she could hold it back in.

“What’s wrong, pretty girl?”

Camila just started nimbling on her thumb while looking up at mama. She was too tired for words, and being in such an open space was a bit scary right now…She didn’t want to feel so little, but she was tired! She just wanted her paci and cuddles.

“Mama’s gonna make it better, baby.”

Lauren started digging through Camila’s own bag, quickly retrieving what she needed.

“Lift up your head for a second, please.”

“Lo, no…”

Lauren passed the necklace around her neck. She could see in her eyes that she wanted it, but was just worried about actually doing it here.

“I swear it’s okay, You just snuggle up, and I’ll keep guard, okay?”                    

As she was speaking, she presented the mushroom to Camila’s mouth, and after a second of hesitation, Camila took it before hiding her face against Lauren’s stomach. It had been awhile since she had had it, and it didn’t feel as good as her paci, but for now that would do. Camila could feel her body finally caving in, finally put at ease by mama’s closeness, Nala and her suckling motion on the mushroom. They still had to wait roughly an hour and a half before they could board their flight, long enough for her to maybe feel a bit more rested.

Camila was out in two minutes, so Lauren focused back on their surroundings, the lounge was pretty empty so she let herself relax, allowing herself to look back at the sleeping form curled up against her. It was an adorable sight and she felt her heart flutter as her hand started carding through her baby’s hair.

Soon enough though, her mind started whirling seeing Camila so vulnerable. She was trying to keep her worries at bay, but with each passing minute, she couldn’t help but feel her anxiety rising up. There was no list to hide behind or to put thing in perspective, she had no control over how well or wrong the adaption to their new routine would go. She would do her best, but last time it hadn’t really gone according to plan, so really there was no way to tell. She knew they had both learned from their mistakes, but still, they were going back to a pretty unstable environment after having had a taste of what a stable one could be. Their schedules would change on a day to day basis, they would go back to sharing a bus with other people with little to no intimacy…

Lauren shook her head to clear up her mind. This kind of thoughts wouldn’t help, she had already assessed everything that could go wrong, but it wasn’t helping. She took a big breath, and focused back on those problems, trying to find a solution for each of them, now that was helping! It was her second coping mechanism with her lists. People had kept on telling her that she needed to stop thinking about her worries, but really it was useless, and only made it worse. Repression was never a good way to go. So instead, she had one day decided to face her worries upfront, and just think about what she could do if they ever came true. When Camila opened back her eyes an hour later, Lauren was stuck on the problem of the bus arrangement and didn’t even realized at first that Camila was awake.

“What’s wrong?”

Lauren startled at the sound of her voice, but she relaxed back when she felt Camila gently rub the creases on her forehead.

“Are you okay?”

Lauren grabbed her hand and kissed it, keeping her hand in hers afterward.

“I’m fine, baby. Just got lost in thoughts.”

“About what?”

“I’m just a bit sad that we have to leave. Are you sad?”

Camila just nodded, pulling Nala a bit closer to her, and focusing on her ears instead of Lauren.

“But we’re going to be fine. Time is going to fly by and we’ll get to come back here again.”

“I want to go home, mama.”

“Not yet, baby. We just went and said goodbye. Do you want me to call your parents real quick?”

“No, I mean our home, at our house. I want to go play on the beach, please mama!”

Lauren pouted down at her already pouting baby. She hated not being able to just grab their things and drive them back there, she surely would rather go play on the beach too, but it simply couldn’t be done.

“I’m sorry baby, but the girls are waiting for us, we’ve got to go back to them.”

Camila huffed and turned the other way to face the window instead, and crossed her arms, pout still very much in place. Lauren started playing with her hair again.

“I’m sorry, love…I know you’re mad, but there’s nothing I can do.”

Camila looked back up at her and her angry pout melted out of her face the second she saw the sad expression on her mama’s face.

“I’m not mad at you, mama. I know it’s not your fault, I just don’t want to go back on tour. It was nice to just be able to be…us.”

“I know, love. It doesn’t mean we won’t have any time though, just that we’ll have to work together to find time for it. Together, okay? So if things gets too much-“

“I have to come to you, I know mama.”

“Good girl.”

Camila turned so that she was facing the ceiling this time, and started toying with Lauren’s hair tips. The later looked amusedly as her hands started progressively travelling up to Lauren’s shirt buttons.

“Now, where are those fingers going?”

“Mamaaa…please.”

Lauren sighed, looking around. She had already skipped nursing at noon, and she hated even thinking of having to deny her baby once again, and honestly her breasts were still sore, too. She took a big breathe and got up, pushing Camila up with her.

“Alright, come on, baby.”

She led her to the bathroom, which thankfully was spotless and empty. She locked both of them up in the handicap stall, stored all their bags in a corner and put down the lid on the toilet before sitting on it and gesturing for Camila to come closer. Camila eagerly did so, letting herself plop down on her lap and snuggling up to her neck.

“Look at that cuddly baby!”

“Mamaa!”

“What do we say?”

“Please, mama can I nurse?”

The words were whispered against her ear and Lauren melted one again.

“Yes, my love, you can nurse.”

She started unbuttoning her shirt (she really needed to get more of these!) and Camila’s grabby hands were more than happy to help out. As soon as there was enough space for it, her baby pulled her bra out of the way and eagerly started suckling. Lauren had to hold back a moan of relief as the pressure finally started reducing in her chest, on the other hand Camila was cooing quietly, relieved to finally be allowed to nurse from mama. There was a lot of milk too, as they had technically skipped their usual nursing time of this week.

Camila needed this so much right now, she just wasn’t ready to go back, not after getting to live however they wanted for a week. She knew she had to be strong but she felt anything but, she just wanted to cuddle close to mama and pretend that they hadn’t left, that they still would be sleeping under the stars, taking naps in the hammock and making castles all day under the sun…She started whimpering just thinking about it, but it soon stopped as mama started patting her padded butt and shushing her.

“We’re going to be okay, love. Mama will be with every day and we’ll sleep every night together, mama’s not going anywhere, little love. I love you, you know that, right?”

“Love you too, mama.”

It was said with a little sniffle, but her baby did seem better as she cuddled a bit closer to her. Lauren kept playing with her hair, leaving little kisses wherever she could reach.

“Mama?”

“Yes?”

“…I want Bobo, mama.”

Her lower lip started wobbling as her chocolate eyes filled up with tears once more. Lauren quickly looked down at her watch, they only had about 15 minutes before they’d need to board the plane. Of course…To make matters worse, it happened just as Lauren was running out of milk. She was more in tune with her body now, but the best indicator was still the harsher little suckles Camila would do to try to coax out some more. This time, those suckles were followed by a sob.

“Oh no, baby! It’s okay! Mama’s gonna make it better!”

Yeah, she would…she just had no idea how, but she would, right? That’s what mamas did…right?

She got up, letting Camila cling to her like a baby koala, to grab the little brunette’s backpack. She sat back and had to manoeuver Camila to sit sideways on her lap to open up the bag. Camila had whined when mama had put her on the side, but then she had snuggled back against her chest and feeling her heart beat against her ear had helped her calm down. It was just a bit too much. She was feeling so small right now, and there was so much going on! She knew she needed to be big and take care of herself, but with her mama’s milk still warming her stomach and permeating her mouth of its sweet taste, it just seemed all too hard, and all she really wanted was to curl up with mama and Bobo. She’d rub his soft ears against her nose and then mama would pat her butt, and maybe she would even reread the book about Bobo to her.

“Okay, yeah, I got this!”

She felt mama pick her up as she got up and next thing she knew, she was sitting on the changing table that mama had unfolded from the wall. She automatically crossed her legs, she wasn’t wet!

When Lauren looked back up from buttoning back on her shirt, she noticed the angry scowl on her baby’s face.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“I’m not wet!”

“Love, mama’s not trying to change you.”

“But it’s the changing table!”

“I just needed to sit you somewhere while I grabbed everything. Alright, lift up your arms please.”

Camila looked doubtful, but did as she was told. Lauren took off her top and quickly helped her into one of her own big hoodies. The little girl flushed when she saw it. She had stolen it when they were at the Jaureguis earlier, Lauren was busy checking the bathroom, she just couldn’t resist. It was one of those with a front pocket, and it looked super comfy, and warm, and it smelled just like Lauren. Even now, she couldn’t resist putting the collar up to her nose once Lauren was done putting it over her head.

“…Sorry for stealing it.”

“It’s okay. This once. You know, I’m not at home much, it could have been somebody else’s.”

Lauren was grinning, so Camila knew she wasn’t mad at her. And she really wasn’t, Lauren absolutely loved the sight of her girlfriend in her huge hoodie, but still, didn’t seem like the sort of thing she could admit to her baby girl right now.

“It smelled like you…It’s like a big mama hug, all warm, and soft, and smelling like you.”

“Gosh, you’re just too cute!”

Mama started peppering kisses on her cheeks before pulling back. They were on a tight schedule.

“You can always have mama hugs, you just need to ask. You know that, right?”

Camila blushed again and nodded, which earned her another kiss on her heating cheeks. Lauren then grabbed Bobby from the bag and fitted it into the front pocket of the hoodie.

“There, now you can hold Bobby’s hand until we board the plane, alright?”

Lauren pulled her down on her feet, quickly grabbing back their bags before rushing out to go to boarding. She sighed in relief when she saw that they were the first ones in the priority boarding lane, in about 5 minutes, they were making their way to their seats, and Lauren let out a little relieved sigh when they finally sat down. They had made it! And on top of that, the flight was pretty much empty (good thing about travelling in the middle of the afternoon).

“Mama?”

“Yes, baby?”

“Can I take Bobo out, now?”

“Yes, just make sure you keep it on you, okay? We wouldn’t want to forget him on the plane, right?”

Camila just shook her head and pulled him closer to her chest. No Bobby was staying right there with her. She started playing around with him, making him move his limbs and just walk around…but soon enough boredom started to set in.

“Mama, I’m bored. Can I get up?”

“Baby, we haven’t even taken off, yet. We have to wait until the seatbelt sign turns off.”

“Can I color?”

“We can’t open the trays yet.”

“But I’m bored!”

That was the problem with letting Camila nap earlier, now she had a full energized baby on her hand, and frankly, by now Lauren would have killed for a nap of her own!

“How about you put on a movie, baby?”

“Do they have the Lion Guard?”

Sadly they did not.

“What about something else, baby?”

“NO! I want the Lion Guard mamaaa!”

“Baby, we’re on a plane, mama needs you to sit quietly for a bit.”

“But I’m bored!”

“And how is yelling supposed to change anything?”

Camila petulantly crossed her arms and pouted. She didn’t like flying and she didn’t want to be in this stupid plane! She wanted to go play on the beach! And now she was supposed to just sit here doing nothing??

“Love…”

“It’s not fair! I don’t want to take the plane!”

She started to try to unbuckle her seatbelt, but Lauren just put her hand over it, holding the buckle down, the other being busy typing away on her phone. Camila whined in protest, pulling at mama’s wrist to set herself free.

“Stop this right now or there would be no Lion Guard at all.”

“But the stupid plane doesn’t have it!”

“If you sit quietly during takeoff, mama will put on the Lion Guard.”

“But how?!”

“It’s for mama to know, and for you to find out if you’re good.”

“I’m good…”

Camila was sulking, but at least her hand was away from the buckle. Just then the plane started moving.

“There we go, baby. We’ll be up there in no time!”

“I don’t want to go, mama…”

“Really? That’s too bad, Mani told me she had a little something for you that she would give you when we would get there.”

“She did?”

“Yes, but I don’t think she’d give it to you if you keep up that little tantrum, love.”

“Noo! I want my gift, mama, please!”

“I know, baby. I just need you to calm down a bit. Why don’t you play on your phone until you can watch the Lion Guard?”

Camila huffed and puffed a bit, but ended up getting engrossed into her 1010! game. In the meantime, Lauren finished signing up for the plane Wi-Fi so that she could just use her Netflix app to have Camila watch her show. They both were on edge, stressed out about going back in LA, so really, quiet and distracted would do it for now.

Finally the seatbelt sign turned off and before Lauren could say anything, Camila was unbuckling herself, taking off her shoes and putting her feet up her seat. Next thing, she was asking for a blanket as the flight attendant was passing.

“Why do you need a blanket, love?”

“To build a fort, mama.”

“There you go, madam. Do you need anything else?”

“No, I’m good, thank you very much.”

The lady left, and Camila got on her knees to tuck in the blanket behind the top of her seat, and did the same with the seat in front of her. Good thing they were the only one on that aisle of the plane! Camila sat back as before on her seat and was very pleased with her construction. She had always wanted to do it, but she was used to busy flight where it was simply impossible.

“Knock, knock?”

“Who’s there?”

“Mama.”

“Mama who?

“Mama left alone out of the fort?”

Camila lifted up the blanket a bit to look at her.

“That was not a good knock knock joke, mama.”

“Does it mean I can’t get in the fort?”

“…Do I get to watch the Lion Guard?”

“Is that the deal breaker? Mama can’t come in if she doesn’t have the Lion Guard?”

Camila started nibbling on her mushroom in indecision. That wasn’t really nice…then again she really wanted to watch her show!

“Well…You can still come, but I’d prefer if you had the Lion Guard!”

Lauren had to stop herself from laughing. Her baby really was the cutest thing.

“Mama’s not enough for you? Do you prefer the Lion Guard?”

Camila gave her the cutest puppy yes and pout.

“But mama, I’m bored!”

“Alright, alright, I’ll bring the show with me. I don’t want my baby to be bored.”

“Thank you. Wait!”

The flight attendant was passing again, and Camila stopped her to ask for a second blanket. The lady seemed a bit puzzled at the sight of the blanket fort, but under Lauren’s insistent gaze, she quickly came back with a blanket.

“Thank you!”

Camila then proceeded to put the blanket in the same way over Lauren’s seat, making the two overlap between their seats to create one big fort area. As soon as it was in place, Camila cuddled back into her seat, grabbing Nala from Lauren’s bag and put it beside Bobby on her lap.

“I need to get Ducky.”

It was addressed to her plushies, but Lauren stopped her from reaching into her bagpack.

“No baby. Ducky must stay in the bag. We don’t want to lost him, right?”

“But mama! I promise I won’t lose him! Nala and Bobby will help, too!”

“Ducky’s too tiny, baby. Let him nap in the bag, okay?”

“But he wants to watch the Lion Guard, too!”

“Baby, what did we say about that attitude?”

“It’s not fair!”

“Love, I just don’t want him to fall and be forgotten in the plane. So no Ducky. We’ll play with ducky once we’ll be back.”

Camila whined, but settled down once mama put up her phone against the tray in front of her and launched the show on Netflix. They both got comfy, snuggling up close in the middle, and put their headphones on (thank god for headphone splitters). Lauren couldn’t remember a better flight than this one. Hidden away in their fort, Lauren was able to relax and forget for a bit about the whirlwind awaiting them when this plane would touch ground. She relaxed so much that she started feeling her eyes drooping. She could close her eyes for a second, right? Her baby was calmly watching her show, her mushroom bumping up and down as she suckled on it, one hand fiddling with Nala’s ears while the other was rubbing Bobby’s ear against Camila’s cheek. The moment was so peaceful that Lauren dropped in a few minutes.

She only woke up when the beep of the seat belt sounded through the plane. She startled awake, her eyes opening to Camila, still watching Netflix. The scene was very different, though. The mushroom was now tucked back under the hoodie and Bobby was back in the front pocket. Apparently her baby had helped her down on her lap, placing Nala under her head so Lauren would be comfortable. She could feel Camila soothingly playing with her hair, and Lauren nearly felt like closing back her eyes, but a giggle from her girl made her turn toward her phone since her earphones had been taken off, too. Parks and rec, of course!

“Did you have a good nap?”

“Yeah. Thanks, babe.”

“You do look well rested, especially with that pillow mark on your cheek and dried drool at the corner of your mouth.”

Camila started laughing as her girlfriend started rubbing forcefully at her face, the tip of her little ears turning red.

“Aw, it’s okay babe. I still love you, pillow marks, dried drool and all!”

Lauren was about to retort something when the intercom announced that they were going to start their descent in just a few moments. She felt Camila stiffen a bit under her, and looked back at her, noticing right away how tensed she had become. Camila wasn’t afraid of flying, the only times she’d get like this were when they would go through turbulences, so something was up.

“Babe, what’s wrong?”

“Huh? Oh, nothing! Just…landing, you know?”

“Camila. You’re not scared of landings, what’s up?”

“Nothing, Lauren. Just nervous.”

They launched themselves into a little stare-off; none of them willing to back down. Yet, as usual, Camila couldn’t hold the green stare for long, so after a good 30 seconds, she started staring down at her hands instead.

“Camila…if you’re already hiding stuff from me-”

“I’m not! It’s not like that, I just…”

“You just what?”

“Can’t you let it go?”

“No.”

“I don’t want to talk about it with you.”

Now, that only worried Lauren even more. Under all the worry was also hurt. Camila was her best friend, how come she didn’t want to talk about something with her? Was it about their couple? Was something wrong and she just hadn’t noticed?

“Oh…”

“Babe, no! It’s nothing bad, I swear. Everything is okay…I’m just nervous.”

“About what?”

Camila’s annoyance deflated as fast as it had come. Lauren was hesitantly biting her bottom lip, her whole face radiating worry and pain. Camila just couldn’t take it. She gently passed her thumb over Lauren’s mouth to untuck her lip trapped there, and then gently smoothed out the worried lines on her forehead.

“It’s just…I don’t want you to freak out, or think that I’m trying to back off.”

Lauren stayed silent, just staring at her and waiting for her to go on. Camila sighed and closed her eyes.

“…I’m scared about telling the girls. But I really want to do it! I swear! I’m just…afraid of how it’s gonna go.”

Lauren’s body finally relaxed, and a relieved sigh passed her lips. That she could handle.

“Baby, if it’s too much you don’t have to do it right away. Those past few weeks have been really hard for you, and the last thing I want is for you to worry about that. I know you said you wanted to do it, but it can wait. I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere. Whether you tell them today, in three weeks or three years, I’ll still be right here.”

Camila felt herself tear up at how genuine Lauren was. How could she deserve someone like that? She had to stop getting so stuck into her own head, this was what mattered, and really the girl could only be mad for so long, right? Yeah. She was going to do it. She was going to show them, and show off her beautiful girlfriend with pride. She had to stop acting as if she was ashamed, she wasn’t. Lauren was the best thing that I probably happened in her life, screw the X factor. This. This beautiful woman looking up at her with love and compassion, this was her real chance at a happy life.

“I’m going to do it.”

“Love, you really don’t ha-”

Camila just cut her off by kissing her in just the right way to make her lose her train of thoughts. This was just another incentive for the girl to own up to it, she couldn’t imagine going back to secret makeout sessions behind closed doors when she had been able to freely kiss and touch her girlfriend for a week. It might have been fun at first, but she knew just how better it was to be able to be spontaneous in her way of showing affection. Sure, they would still have to be careful, but it would make things way easier and healthier if they didn’t have to constantly be on the lookout or making sure their goodnight kisses didn’t make enough noise for Dinah to hear.

Yes, she was going to do it.

---

Oh, god. She couldn’t do it.

They were in the car, with the girls who had been waiting for them inside. She had it all prepared, a little speech and everything, ready to let it out the second they would climb out of the plane and meet the girls in the lounge. However, only Big Rob was waiting for them when they came out. More paps were just waiting outside for them, and the girls had been told to stay in the car.

Their greetings had to wait until they were safely back on the road, but as soon as that was done, everybody was grabbing for them to get a hug. Everyone made those extra-long with Camila and always followed by a little comforting word. They had given her space for her and her family to grieve in piece, but it had been hard to not be able to be more present. Anytime one of them would get news, they would text the others to update them on what was happening, and it was a bit overwhelming for Camila to realize that they cared so much. She knew they did, they always talked about how they were sisters, but this time it really felt like she was coming home to her second family.

It felt good, her heart felt like it had went up three sizes. It wasn’t that they hadn’t done the same thing after the accident a few months back, it’s just that back then she wasn’t opened to it. If anything, back then she had felt guilty for the attention, undeserving of their unconditional love. Her teary eyes found their way to Lauren, the chocolate orbs filled with love and gratefulness for how much Lauren had done for her. It was thanks to her that she could actually let herself bask in the love of her sisters without feeling bad.

The only issue was, that with that renewed sense of family, the words she had so carefully crafted in her mind seemed to just get stuck in her throat. She didn’t have the nicest memories of coming out in the past, and as much as she was trying to tell herself that it was not coming out per se, but telling the girls about Lauren and her, it still implied doing so.

She did try though, when Dinah was telling her about her crush on the poolboy next door, and again when Ally went on about the recipe for valentine’s day cookies she had found on pinterest that looked so cute. Each time her mouth would open then close, her breath getting stuck in her throat.

The third time she tried, she felt Lauren’s hand slide under her hoodie, and gently stroke her back.

“Take a big breath, love. It’s okay, we have time, just enjoy the moment.”

Lauren had whispered the words against her ear, and when she turned around, she gave Camila a sweet little smile and did the adorable thing where she scrunches up her nose and closes her eyes for a second. Camila’s heart started racing just at the sight, her whole body craving to pepper her face with kisses for how adorable she was. That was the last little push she needed to finally go for it.

“So uhm guys…I have something to tell you.”

Her voice had cut through the conversations, a tad bit too high and loud to be ignored.

“What’s up, Chancho? Already tired of us?”

 “Uhm, no. Lauren and I are together…like girlfriends…like a couple”

She closed her eyes, as if bracing herself for an impact. Deprived of one of her senses, the only thing surrounding her was silence, and as it started to last a bit too long to be comfortable, she opened one eye to check on the situation. All the girls were staring at her, even Big Rob was looking up at her every couple seconds through the rearview mirror. She could feel her heartbeat speeding up once again as dread was clawing its way through her chest.

“Are you kidding me?”

The fact that Dinah was the first one to answer, and in such a brutal way made the tiny brunette tear up and back up against her seat.

“Do you know how much time I spent watching Camren videos and reading theories during my break? I even had a freaking presentation ready with a powerpoint and everything so you guys would get your head out of your ass, and you just come out and say it now??? Do you have any idea of all the stuff I could have done if you had just sent a text or something? I could be going out with that poolboy, alright? You guys owe me!”

The previous silence was soon replaced by general laughter, and Camila’s stomach started unknotting.

“Girls, I’m so proud that you finally admitted it!”

To the couple’s surprise, it wasn’t Normani saying these words, but Ally who was looking at them with her proud mama smile on. Everybody stopped laughing again and looked at her in shock.

“What? They weren’t ready to talk about it, who was I to force them??”

Ally then passed her arms over the seats to hug them from behind. Camila was once again overwhelmed by how lucky she was to have those girls in her life, and tears finally broke though, rolling down her cheeks. She felt Mani grab her hand and gently stroke it with her thumb, the “I told you so” written all over her proud face.

Dinah looked at the interaction. She knew that face, she knew it just too well!

“You back stabbing bitch! You knew! And you didn’t tell me?? We had an agreement! And why the hell did you let me watch all those videos??”

Dinah then attacked her, making Mani squeal as she was trying to get out of her reach. They play fought a bit longer until Mani offered to reverse the roles on Dinah’s punition for the pink-water-otter-squirter attack and so to give her foot massages for a week. Things finally settled down after Big Rob yelled at them for the third time to sit back down.

“I’m so proud of you love, thank you.”

Camila observed her for a bit, flushed cheeks, goofy grin, shiny eyes. She felt proud of herself, proud to be the one to have made her this happy. She took a big breath, and finally did what she had been wanting to do since they were back in this car. Eyes lost on the shiny green stars in front of her, she slowly leaned in, making sure to give Lauren the time to back off if she felt uncomfortable, but the brunette just closed the gap as soon as Camila was close enough. They were both smiling like idiots in their kiss, both feeling the buzz of excitement of being able to finally do it freely around the girls. It appeased them too, this leg of the tour appearing more manageable if at least they could have that. Their kiss was then disturbed by a chorus of “aww” coming from all around them.

“Gosh, I wish I could tell you guys that you’ll get used to it, but it still gets me.”

“Wait, what do you mean “still”? Hold up, hold up, hold up! How long had this been going on, exactly??”

Uh-oh, Dinah was mad again. Camila gulped before admitting with a small voice.

“Uhm…nearly 2 months?”

“What? Why didn’t you tell me before?? I’ve been rooting for Camren since day one! I’m your captain!”

It only made Camila feel more uneasy, cuddling back a bit more into Lauren to hide from what she felt was going to be a shit storm.

“Hey, slow down you’re roll, Dinah. We just weren’t ready, we wanted to see how things would go before telling the group.”

Camila could just picture Lauren’s take-no-bullshit face. She had woven her arms around her and tightened her grip in protection, and though Camila knew she wasn’t risking anything, it still made her feel a bit better.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to lie…It’s my fault, I wasn’t ready.”

“Baby, you have nothing to apologize for.”

“But they’re mad, now.”

She hated the traitorous tears sliding down her face, how were they supposed to help?? She tried to hide them by burrowing deeper against Lauren’s neck. Lauren was glaring at Dinah, she could feel the tears of her baby sliding down her neck, and she kept glaring murderously at Dinah who was slowly shrinking down under her stare.

“I’m sorry, Chancho. I swear I’m not really mad. I was just hoping that you would go to me if something were to ever happen.”

“She didn’t tell me, DJ. I sort of just walked in on them one day.”

“Ew!”

“No! Nothing like that!”

“Well, they still totally have done it already!”

“Shut up Cheechee!”

 “It’s all over your face, dude.”

Camila slapped her lightly on the arm, and Dinah responded in kind.

“Alright, you two, enough! Sit back now in your seat.”

“Your girlfriend’s bossy, Chancho.”

“Dinah.”

“Alright! Alright!”

“At least some stuff of today make more sense now.”

The couple turned toward Ally when she said this, not understanding what she meant. The three others looked at each other with a mysterious little smile.

“We’re here, girls!”

A chorus of “thanks Big Rob” sounded through the van as they made their way out. The girls grabbed their bags and made their way to their bus.

“Guys, you’re going the wrong way.”

“What do you mean, Mani? That’s our bus.”

“No, it’s not. It’s our bus, to the three of us. Your bus is the one over there.”

Lauren caught up to it way faster than Camila who was looking puzzled at the girls. What were they talking about? That was their bu-…Oh!

“Oh my god! Are you guys serious?”

“As a heart attack, Cheechee.”

“Oh my god!”

She rushed and hugged everyone, thanking them for swapping with them. She couldn’t believe it! They had their own bus now! No more need to hide, their own spot to be themselves! Lauren was just as excited. The hug she gave Mani was extra-long, she knew who she had to thank for coming up with the idea.

“Thanks, Mani.”

“It’s no problem, you guys needed your space to do your…stuff. And really, Dinah and Mila in the same bus was a mistake from the beginning.”

They both chuckled before separating.

“Alright, guys. Go settle in, we’ll meet up for dinner, alright?”

As Lauren was about to walk in the bus when she was stopped by Camila.

“Wait, wait, wait! Put the bags down.”

“Why?”

“Just do it.”

Lauren looked at her with an eyebrow raised, but did as she was told. Next thing, she was squealing as Camila was lifting her up to walk her in the bus. It was way less graceful than Camila pictured it in her mind, but those stairs were higher than they looked! She ended up unceremoniously dropping Lauren at the top of the last stair.

“Really?”

“That was…ah…much harder than I…I pictured it.”

“Are you calling me fat?”

Lauren was looking at her winded girlfriend with a mocking smile. Camila just let herself fall against her, pinching Lauren’s side, making her squeal again.

“Shut it, it was supposed to be romantic!”

“Maybe wait for our wedding day, next time?”

“Na-ah, you’ll do it, I’m clearly not cut out for the job!”

“Oh, I see! I’m the one doing all the heavy lifting in this couple, huh?”

“Are you calling me heavy??”

A tickle fight ensued, still on the stairs of the bus.

“COULD YOU GUYS AT LEAST WAIT UNTIL THE DOOR IS CLOSED BEFORE TRYING TO MAKE BABIES?”

“That’s not how it works, Dinah.”

“Thanks for the enlightenment, Ally.”

“You’re welcome.”

Dinah rolled her eyes, watching Ally walk to their own bus with a satisfied smile on her face.

Back in the other bus, the girls were lunging their luggage up inside.

“Okay, good. We have everything.”

While Lauren looked proudly at the stack of suitcases and bags, Camila let herself fall on one of the beds with a groan. That was way too much lifting for one day! She kicked off her shoes and shimmied out of her pants before sighing happily.

“What’s that Booty doing uncovered, tiny?”

“I don’t need no pants, now! This whole bus is ours!”

“That’s a double negative.”

“Hush. Nap time.”

Camila crawled up the bed, and she noticed a weird bump at the top. She frowned in bemusement. Did one of the girls forget something in there? When she lifted up the covers she was met with a little otter plush from the Finding Dory movie. It was the cutest thing, all smiling, soft and fluffy. In his lap was a little envelope with her name on it which she hurriedly opened.

“Mama told me you were extra good during break, so here’s a new little guy to keep you company (and this one doesn’t squirt pink water!). Everything will be fine, and don’t hesitate to come to me for anything.

Love XOX

Auntie Mani”

Camila felt herself tear up for the umpteenth time today, and pushed the little otter closer to her face, snuggling up to him as she was putting back her mushroom in her mouth.

Yeah, maybe this tour wasn’t going to be that bad.

---

That’s it for now, folks! Hopefully, the next chapters won’t take me so long, there was just a lot of stuff to include in that one!

Chapter Text

“Yo, Chancho! Are you even listening?”

“Sorry, what?”

“Alright, half of Camren, time for you to burst out of your love bubble. We got major stuff to talk about.”

“Is it about the rumor that Beyoncé and Jay-Z are naming their kids after themselves?”

“Wow…So you were listening!”

That was far from true, but honestly it was Camila’s best bet at this point. She rubbed her eyes for what felt the thousandth time this morning. She was exhausted, and Dinah’s morning energy was giving her a headache. When Dinah looked back at her phone to read the article to her, she just started looking back out of the windshield of their taxi, muting Dinah’s voice. Going back to touring was just as bad as she had expected and then some. At least last time, by the end of it, she had managed to get into a good schedule of sleep! Now it felt like she was back to square one all over again.

She was startled out of her thoughts by a hand being put on her shoulder. The action made her realize that she had started scratching at her arm again. She stopped right away, seeing the red marks marking it already. It was a bad habit she had picked on those past few days. Whenever she started feeling stressed out, she would get this itchy sensation in her arms, her legs or her neck. By now she was so used to it, she often times wouldn’t realize she was doing it. And she sure had a lot to stress about recently.

“Mila, your arm’s gonna look all red on the pictures if you keep doing this.”

“Sorry.”

She sent a little apologetic smile to Ally who was sitting on her other side.

“It’s okay, sweetie. Are you ready for this?”

“Not really, but it’s not like we have a choice, right?”

“Oh come on! We just got to talk about our tour and album, it’s going to be fine! And you got me and Dinah with you!”

“…Dinah and I.”

“Wow, Chancho! Lauren is really rubbing off on you…in more ways than one!”

Camila just rolled her eyes, her chest feeling a bit too tight at being reminded that Lauren wasn’t with her. Since they’d been back, their manager and agents had been adamant about them not being seen together outside of concerts. Apparently, her on-stage crisis was enough of a headline without having to put the spotlight on the Camren trend. They wanted to bury all suspicions, meaning that the only interviews they were allowed to do together were the one with everyone and they weren’t even allowed to sit by each other.

Just thinking about it was making her head throb more, so she started rubbing her eyes again.

“Sheesh, Mila! You and Lauser really need to slow down on your night activities, you look like you could really use a nap.”

Camila was too tired to care at this point, so she stayed silent, her eyes getting lost on the view again. When that became too overstimulating too, she just closed her eyes and blocked out her surroundings. The only breach through it, was when she felt Ally’s small hand cover hers, and with a sigh she intertwined her fingers with hers, trying to believe Ally’s whisper of “it’s all gonna be alright.”

---

“So, Camila! You had a lot of things going on before starting this tour, anything you want to share with the audience?”

Wow, creative. Involving the audience so that she would feel compelled to open up? Yeah, as if that was original!

“Those past weeks were hard on my family and I, and I’m really glad we were on break and I was able to be home. It’s not a luxury all of us had since we started Fifth Harmony.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry for your loss. Must have been really hard, especially with what happened to you on stage on your last concert.”

Camila felt like rolling her eyes at how proud the guy looked to have managed to switch back the conversation to what he really wanted her to talk about.

“Not really. I lost my grandpa, we were really close, so it would have been hard either way.”

She looked back at him with a challenging look, to see if he would dare try to sway the conversation back to her accident. Sadly, their agent, who was right behind the interviewer, pointedly looked at her, his usual sign to tell her to stop being a little shit and address the issue at hand here. She had to close her eyes and take a big breath to not lose it right there and then.

“…and as scary as it looked on stage, it was just a crisis. I was able to get medical assistance right away, and now I’m feeling perfectly ready to go back to touring.”

“Is it too much to ask exactly what happened?”

Yes, it was. She was not the freaking president, she didn’t have to divulge her medical records! Another pointed look from her agent made her start talking again.

“Touring is demanding, we were all pretty exhausted by the end of it. My blood pressure just acted up, but I got doctors making sure I’m all good, so there’s no need to worry.”

“Yeah…Your bandmate Lauren Jauregui looked pretty worried that night.”

This time, it’s Camila who pointedly looked at their agent….except he wasn’t there anymore. Questions of Lauren and her were off-limits. Their whole team had been making a point of trying to ward off any speculations about Camren since that night. They were adamant about dissipating any possible rumors about the girls being involved. That had been quite the conversation to have! Clearly, now was not the time to tell them that they were indeed together! The issue now, is that without their agent to discreetly tell the interviewer off, she couldn’t really do anything but answer.

“Well…I mean…”

Her throat was getting dry, her palms were sweaty, and she could feel her heart starting to pound. What was she supposed to say?? They were not supposed to ask her this question! Sure, she had been overly stressing about this since they had started touring again, but it didn’t mean she was ready for it to actually happen! Her throat was now closing on itself, it felt like she would choke any seconds now, and that made her stress even more.

“We were all really worried. It was such a chaotic moment, we were all running around trying to arrange for an ambulance and a doctor to come as soon as possible. Kudos to them by the way, they did a really great job!”

Ally’s intervention seemed to do the job, and their agent was now back, yelling at those backstage with a coffee in his hand. It did nothing to calm her down, though, and she jumped when she finally registered Dinah nonchalantly pushing a glass of water toward her hand. The interviewer was staring at her, taking in her discomfort and that was only making everything worse.

“You guys do seem really close.”

“Well, living together 24/7 does tend to make people close. We’ve been through a lot together, we’re like family.”

If Camila hadn’t been so focused on trying to regulate her breathing, she would have been really appreciative of the death glare Dinah was sending to their host.

“So, like sisters?”

“Yeah.”

“Would you agree, Camila? Are Dinah, Ally, Normani and Lauren like sisters to you?”

Camila paled at the question. Why was their agent letting this happen?

“Well, Lauren is more like a mom to us, really! She and Ally are the ones keeping us in check!”

“I sure am! Those guys always get in trouble, there was this one time…”

Dinah had deflected the question again and was glad that Ally had picked up on it. She getting worried for Camila: she was sweating, pale and her breathing seemed to be whizzing a bit. This didn’t look good. She discreetly put a hand on Mila’s wrist, checking her pulse like Lauren was always doing: it was throbbing. She glared back at their agent, he had to stop this mess!

“…but thankfully Lauren and I managed to not have us all kicked out!”

“What a lovely tale! So tell me Camila, would you agree that Lauren is like a mother figure to you?”

Oh no! Oh no! They knew! Did they know? How could they know? She was feeling hot all of a sudden, and her collar was feeling really tight too. Oh no, her vision was swimming now, no, no, no!! She grabbed Dinah’s hand that was still on her wrist and gripped it tightly.

“Ah! Sadly, that’s all we have time for today everyone, be sure to tune back in with us tomorrow…”

The second they were out of the recording studio, Camila rushed outside. Bracing herself with her hands on her knees, she tried to take deep breaths to calm down. She was so concentrated that she jumped when she felt a hand on her back.

“Sorry for that Camila, I got distracted, but I stopped it all as soon as I came back. The van is in the back, the girls are waiting for you.”

Camila shrugged the hand of their agent away from her back, and started walking back to the van in silence. The agent tried to follow her, droning on and on about how sorry she was, and how it wouldn’t happen again, but Camila just walked faster because it was only making it worse for some reason.

The girls smiled her way and waved for her to come sit with them, but instead she moved to the back of the van, putting on her iPod to a high volume so she couldn’t be disturbed. She could feel her heart still pounding against her chest, but Lauren’s sweet voice singing “You Are My Sunshine” in her ears was helping with her breathing at least.

The drive seemed to last forever, traffic was hell and they kept getting stuck in it. After a while, Camila just closed her eyes, feeling drained after such a stressful morning.

---

When she opened her eyes again, she was surprised to realize she was in her bed. She started rubbing her eyes, feeling lost and groggy.

“Take this, love.”

Camila turned her head and finally noticed Lauren who was standing in front of their bunk: Lauren holding one of her pills for hypertension and a tall glass of water.

“I’m fine.”

“…Just take it.”

Camila was going to argue, but Lauren seemed exhausted, so with a pout she popped the pill in her mouth and chugged the glass of water. She was determined to stay in bed at first, but Lauren wasn’t by the bunk anymore, and though she was annoyed, she had really missed her girlfriend.

She got up out of bed and looked around until she found Lauren sitting on the couch of the living area. She put the glass down in the sink before walking to Lauren, who opened her arms the second she saw her come her way. She dived in, settling on her lap with her head burrowed deep in the crook of her neck.

“Long day, baby?”

“I’m fine.”

“You sure about that?”

Camila sighed at that.

“I just don’t remember that it sucked that much. I keep telling myself to put my head back in the game, but the promotional part of it just really…sucks.”

“Well it would help if our agents were not total incompetents…”

“You ripped Todd a new one?”

“More like two.”

Lauren kissed her hair and they stayed quiet for a bit, just relishing in the moment. Not having to share a bus with the others was great, but their schedule was still hectic enough to not allow them much time to spend together apart from nighttime. After a bit, Camila felt the now familiar feeling of Lauren checking her pulse at her wrist.

“I’m fine.”

“You’re heartrate is still a bit high.”

“That’s because I’m with you.”

“Drop the act, Princess Charming. Let’s check your blood pressure, okay?”

Camila sighed again, but agreed, sitting up on the couch so Lauren could go get the BP monitor. She just relaxed back and let Lauren take of it, she knew that it was best to let her take things in charge when she was worried.

“130/80.”

She hated whenever Lauren was using that tone. It always sounded like she was disappointed, and it really wasn’t helping.

“That’s not too bad.”

“That’s still not good.”

“Yeah, well, I’m trying, okay!”

Lauren didn’t have time to say anything before Camila was angrily going back to the bunk.

“Baby! Camila! I didn’t mean…shit.”

Lauren sighed and rubbed her eyes tiredly.  She had to calm down, she was only making it worse. Of course, she didn’t believe it was Camila’s fault! She was just so mad at Todd! They were on their way back from their own interview with Mani when the girls started their own, so they listened to the interview in the car. Lauren had been so mad, Normani had had to calm her down because she wanted the driver to turn around and head to that studio to stop that massacre. What the hell was Todd paid for if he couldn’t stop that kind of incident?

Her angry thoughts were suddenly stopped when she heard sniffles coming from the bunks. Her heart broke at the sound. She hated seeing Camila cry, and this time it was her fault. She rushed there.

“Baby, don’t cry love, I’m sorry!”

She finally found the source of the sniffles, there were coming from one of the unused bottom bunks. She lied down on the ground beside it. She tentatively started to open the curtain of the bunk, only for it to be angrily pushed back closed with an angry “no!”

“I’m sorry, baby. Can I please come in?”

“No. You mean.”

Lauren could hear her baby suckling hard on her pacifier. She looked back at their bed and noticed that Bobby and her pacifier were indeed missing. Camila had dropped hard and fast.

“Mama’s sorry. Are you mad at me?”

“Uh-huh.”

“You know mama’s not mad at you, though, right?”

“I wasn’t good.”

“Of course you were good, baby! You’re my good girl.”

“Nu-huh, bloo’ pressure’s bad.”

“Mama’s still not mad at you. I’m mad at that interviewer and Todd for making you go through this and at me for not being able to protect you from all this mess…”

“Todd’s a butthead.”

“I know, baby.”

“And the interviewer was a butthead, too.”

“Yeah…”

“But mama’s not a butthead.”

“No?”

“Nu-huh.”

It was stupid, but it filled her with a sense of relief. Her mood only improved when she saw the curtain open and her baby scooting back so she could fit in with her. She settled beside her, and in no time her baby was laying on top of her.

“Comfy?”

“Uh-huh.”

Both girls closed their eyes, they knew that it was just the calm before the storm. Their dance rehearsal had been moved to after lunch because of the interviews, then they had to get prepared and go to the meet & greet, and then the show, of course. The only had about two hours before going back into the whirlwind of things. A whirlwind that kept them apart more often than not.

“Mama, can we play?”

“What do you want to play with, baby?”

“Magic sand!”

That pulled a smile on Lauren’s face. The kinetic sand was by far Camila’s favorite Little activity recently, her baby’s eyes always widening in wonder whenever she manipulated it. In those moments, her baby could really forget about all the stress caused by the outside world, and Lauren lived for those moments.

“Go grab it, baby. Only one color though, we have to eat lunch too!”

She had had to yell the rest of her response because Camila had rushed out of the bunk the second mama had given her the go!

After much debate, and asking Bobby for advice, Camila finally settled on taking the purple sand. Sure, she was always playing with that one, but it didn’t mean the choice was any easier! Just as she was about to run up to the living area, she heard mama greet someone. She stayed perfectly still and quiet until she recognized Mani’s voice. Instead of rushing in, she grabbed the rest of her magic sand boxes first, then ran out.

“What did we say about running in the bus, little girl?”

“But we’re not moving, Ma!”

“Still, no running. And I said you could take one box of sand.”

“Yes. One for me, one for you, and one for aunty Mani!”

She proudly handed it to Normani. She had picked the blue one, because she knew it was the one she liked best. Her grin started fading fast, though, when she saw a sad little smile on her face instead of her usual fond one.

“I’m sorry sweetie, but we can’t play…”

She heard mama walk up behind her, then felt her hand on her back, already drawing soothing patterns.

“What’s going on Normani?”

Camila was puzzled. Mama and auntie were doing that thing where they talked with their eyes. It was okay if aunty didn’t want to play, sometimes she didn’t feel like playing either!

“Todd called us. Management wants us to go and have lunch with tonight’s guest band.”

Normani’s heart broke watching a heart broken frown appear on Camila’s face as she retreated further against Lauren’s chest.

“What? It wasn’t on our schedule!”

“I know, Lauren. They just called to change plans.”

“Why?!”

Normani looked back at Camila, unsure of what to say, but under Lauren’s persistent glare she decided to start talking.

“…Because of the interview this morning…Apparently it’s already buzzing online. Paparazzis will be notified of our outing, they want to counter this morning’s mess right away.”

Camila frowned down on the boxes in her arms. This was unfair. It felt like she was being punished for something she wasn’t responsible for. With a dejected sigh, she took out her paci, and turned back toward the back of the bus.

“I’ll go put that back…”

Without letting anyone add anything to that, she quickly left the room. Lauren let herself fall down on the bench seat, rubbing her temples tiredly.

“I’m so sorry, Laur.”

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault anyway…I just thought we could get some quiet time before going back to work.”

“I know. The guys are really nice apparently. They want us to mingle with them-”

“So Camila and I can’t even sit side by side, right?”

“…Yeah…”

“Great.”

Camila then walked back in the room wearing her jacket and shoes.

“I’m ready. I’ll go wait in the car.”

Lunch was no fun. Lauren and Camila had been placed on both ends of the table, giving Lauren the perfect view on Camila’s desperate face. The guest band was composed of 4 guys. They were hardly out of High school, young and naïve, and hungry for any kind of attention that might manage to get them out there. It was painful to watch them put on a show, but at least it might make the pictures convincing. The girls were all trying to keep on their fake smiles, but the tension at the table was highly tangible.

To make things worse, their agent kept sending messages to remind them to smile and interact more with the guys. The same was apparently being done to the other band, as they were becoming more and more forward.

“…So Camila, are you doing anything after the show?”

Camila just shrugged, her eyes focused on her phone instead of the blonde guy beside her. This was ridiculous! They couldn’t just whore them out to perfect strangers like that! Who were they? Their management or freaking pimps?! And seriously, those boys were kids! How was she supposed to moon over them like some kind of pedophile! She looked up quickly to see Lauren glaring at the boy beside her. It distracted Camila from her anger. It was primal and irrational, but she loved seeing Lauren get all jealous and possessive. Clearly, there was no need for it, but still it made warmth bloom in her chest…and other places…

“Awesome, how would you feel about coming to party with us? Being on stage always gives me such a rush, I have to get rid of all that energy, you know…”

Okay…Maybe there was a game to play here. Screw magic sand.

“Yeah, I know what you mean!”

The guy grinned back at her. Camila was finally having some fun, she could feel butterflies flutter in her stomach, but they had nothing to do with blondie boy, here. No. It had everything to do with the glare she could feel piercing through her, coming from the other side of the room.

“Really? So like, you’ll come? I mean, uh, that’d be cool…”

“I don’t know, what did you have in mind?”

The guy was getting tongue-tied, his eyes glassing over as she looked up at him with a seductive smile. Lauren looked like she was going to murder him any second now. Camila wouldn’t mind, the boy was relentless and immature. She could clearly see that this boys band’s motto was “fake it till you make it”, and it was exhausting to watch.

“Well…whatever you’d like! It’s not everyday we get such a VIP join us on our post-show partying!”

That was nearly smooth. Too much enthusiasm, though.

“I don’t want to disrupt your plans.”

“I’m sure it’d only be for the best. Just tell me what you want, anything for you…”

He went as far as grabbing her hand and kissing it. It was pathetic, and would have probably made her roll her eyes in usual conditions, but instead her smile only turned more predatory as she finally turned to look at Lauren in the eyes. Fuck, she was hot when she was jealous! Her green eyes were dark and murderous, her cheeks were flushed, while her jaws looked like they could cut this boy as she kept flexing them, showing off their perfect shape.

Blondie apparently took her disregard and grin for some kind of bashful reaction, moving closer to her and putting his mouth closer to her ear.

“We don’t have to go out with the rest of the guys. If you’d rather we could just go somewhere the two of us?”

It was the perfect opportunity. She seductively turned to face him again, bringing their face even closer.

“Oh yeah? You think you could handle it?”

The poor boy wasn’t ready for this, he nervously pushed back is floppy hair (what was it with guys and floppy hair, anyway?) before giving him some kind of version of Flynn Rider’s Smirk with the little eyebrow wiggle and everything. She could feel Lauren’s patience about to snap right here and there.

“Hm…That’s too bad…”

“Why? I’m sure I can give you the best time of your life, honey.”

Okay, no. That was gross! She had to stay focused, now for the final strike! She leaned even more into him, putting her mouth by his ear to whisper:

“Surely not as good as what my girlfriend gives me, little boy.”

 Right after that, she heard the sound of a chair being angrily pushed back, and when she pulled away from the stunned boy in front of her, she felt a possessive hand grip her shoulder, pushing her back in her chair.

“I need to go to the restroom. Come with me, Camila.”

“Oh, but surely, Lauren.”

She rose from her chair with grace, and even went as far as winking back at the guy as they were marching toward the back of the restaurant.

When Lauren pushed her against the door of one of the stall, Camila felt high on a rush of adrenalin. Her heart was beating fast, her whole body was tingling, she was so ready.

***Steamy Bit***

“What was that?”

Lauren was so angry, but Camila felt no fear. No, Lauren was just so hot when she was mad!

“What are talking about, babe?”

She even pushed further, and trailed her hands along her girlfriend’s goddess-like figure. Lauren wasn’t amused, though. She grabbed her hands and held them to the door.

“Don’t play games with me. What was that?!”

“Fuck, you’re so hot when you’re jealous…”

Lauren’s feeling were all over the place. She’d been going crazy watching them from afar. Who did this boy think he was touching her woman like that? Putting his stupid dirty dog’s paws on her? She had even seen him sniffing her hair when she was whispering to him! This was all for her! She was mad, so mad, but also so fucking aroused! Camila’s chocolate orbs had turned obsidian, the flush on her face was all too familiar, and the way she was trying to push their hips together was making her go crazy.

“What was he telling you?”

“He wanted to go out tomorrow. He thought he could give me the best time of my life. Do you think he could?”

Lauren pushed her body flushed against Camila’s.

“Fuck no!”

“Yeah?”

That fucking challenge in her voice, it was making Lauren’s go blind with ire and carnal desires. With a snarl she attacked Camila’s mouth, they were no other words for it. She bit and licked into submission the very willing mouth under hers. Camila was literally melting against her. She felt the petite girl push a leg between hers and brace herself on her shoulders. When she started grinding against her, Lauren pushed away from her lips to go bite at her collarbone, making its owner release a deep moan of satisfaction. For some reason, it only made Lauren angrier, making her rut more angrily against her.

“Such a fucking tease, that’s exactly what you wanted, right?”

“Fuck…Lauren…So good…”

“Making me go mad on purpose so that I would take you right here and there, huh?”

“Please, baby don’t stop!”

“You just wanted to be claimed, huh? Flirting with some guy so that I would snap?”

She bit her again, right on her shoulder. It was a harder one too, she knew this one would leave a mark so she knew better than to do it somewhere visible. Rage and pleasure were mixing together in Lauren’s veins into a lethal combination. She was so close already, Camila’s body against her so warm and inviting.

“You’re mine, you hear me?”

“Yours, babe…Always yours…Fuck…I’m…ah-”

Lauren just had time to reclaim her lips as she felt herself fall too. Their kiss muffled their sounds of ecstasy. It felt like they were falling forever, blinded by pleasure as their bodies kept seizing and grinding, always seeking more contact as their bodies tried to fuse together. Camila broke the kiss first, panting as she let her head rest against the cool door. Lauren wasn’t done though…

“Lauren!”

But Lauren was already two fingers deep in her, grinding against her again to make her the palm of her hand press against her clit again and again. Camila sagged against her, both her arms and legs giving out on the sudden rush back of pleasure. She closed her eyes, too lost in her pleasure as her hands burrowed into Lauren’s hair.

“Look at me, Camila.”

Just thinking about Lauren’s eyes boring into hers was overstimulating, and she let out a pitiful whine was as she shook her head and clenched harder against her fingers.

“Look. At. Me.”

The appeal was too grand, and Camila caved, getting lost in seconds in her darkened gaze.

“Who’s making you feel good, baby?”

“Ah!...You…”

“Who else makes you feel this good?”

“Nobody else…fuck, babe!”

“Who’s going to make you come?”

“You! Fuck, babe, that feels…”

Camila couldn’t control her thoughts enough to finish this one. Seeing Lauren on such a power trip was one of the most arousing sight she had ever witnessed. She could feel her climax blooming again, she clenching desperately on Lauren’s soaked fingers.

“Come for me, baby.”

It was whispered against her lips, with Lauren’s gaze still staring intensely in hers, and that was all she needed to come again. This time it didn’t felt like she was falling, more like she was imploding, her whole body falling to pieces right here and there in Lauren’s arms. The feeling was so strong that her mouth opened, but no sound left her throat, or maybe she just didn’t hear it as everything turned silent and white. Bursts of pleasure kept shaking her as Lauren’s mercilessly kept torturously moving her fingers in her. It soon became too much, and Camila tried to move back with a whine, the contact with her clit just becoming too stimulating, both achy and blissful. Lauren’s kisses against her throat became softer and her hand finally started slowing down, helping her down of her high.

When Camila felt like she had the control back on her body and her breathing, she pulled Lauren’s mouth against hers. Leaving three kisses on it with a happy and doppy smile. Lauren couldn’t resist it. Feeling her lips on hers and those I Love You kisses finally calmed her down too.

“You’re impossible, you know that?”

“That’s why you love me. Where would be the fun without a little challenge from time to time?”

Lauren scoffed at that, but gently nuzzled against her face.

“That boy is no challenge, please!”

“It didn’t look like you were so sure of that when you were taking me against that door!”

“I’m still very much taking you, so lose that cocky face, will ya?”

As if to show her point, she teasingly wiggled her fingers still very much buried in Camila. It made the smaller girl moan out once again, her head burrowing into Lauren’s neck.

“Oh no, we’re done for now, little girl. Time to go back to that table, and there better be no more flirting with floppy boy.”

Camila was going to say something smart. Really, she was. But then Lauren took out her fingers and just looked at her, and just…licked them…how was she supposed to ever let them leave that stall?

***End of Steamy Bit***

Turns out, she didn’t have much of a choice. Lauren never caved, just opening the door and walking them out, redressing and arranging both their hair to try to hide their “freshly fucked” looks. She reapplied some make up on the both of them at least that would give them an excuse for staying in there so long!

Just as she was about to leave the restroom, she felt Camila grab her arm. She sighed and rolled her eyes, surely by now Camila knew she wasn’t going to manage to seduce her back into that stall?

“I was right.”

“Right about what? Camila, this better not be a trap, I told you, we need to get out of here!”

Camila just leaned against her and whispered:

“I told him he couldn’t give it to me better than my girlfriend. I was right.”

With that, Camila went back to the table, leaving a gaping Lauren in her wake. She nearly got worried for a second, before remembering the non-disclosure agreements they all had had to sign before coming in the restaurant. She shook her head instead, rubbing her forehead. She really had played right into her hand, or like, even more than she thought! If the outcome hadn’t been so pleasurable she might have been a bit mad, but clearly, she was all out of anger by now!

Thankfully the meal ended pretty quickly after they came back, and minus the knowing stares from the girls, nobody seemed to be the wiser. When they got back in the car they were surprised to hear the boys’ manager tell them to climb in, too. They were going to go to rehearsals, and their teams had decided it made sense to have them go together. Lauren was delighted.

Floppy boy really couldn’t get a hint, and at this point it wasn’t even a hint, the boy had been slapped with the truth: Camila had literally told him she had a girlfriend! It nearly made her regret tidying up Camila’s hair and makeup. Worst of all, the guy kept trying to get Camila’s attention and following her around. Lauren was pretty sure she was going to get permanent expression lines from all the glaring and frowning she was sending his way.

Camila kept sending her desperate and remorseful looks. It felt like it was her fault, even though she had told him she was taken. She’d played the game and lost, clearly, as the guy was relentless.

“Hey Camila! Do you want some water?”

“I got my own bottle, I’m good.”

“Oh! Right, yeah…Do you need a towel or something? You look hot. I mean, you look like you’re feeling hot.”

The worst part was that the guy had meant to make that stupid joke. He even winked. She didn’t answer, just turned away and walked toward Lauren who welcomed her by gently dabbing her face with her own towel.

“How do you feel, baby? Here, have a drink.”

It felt safe to have Lauren pamper her like this: gently drying her face, opening the bottle, even popping up the sport cap for her, and then discreetly checking her pulse. It was familiar and soft, exactly what she needed right now. Her morning’s indignation and bratty streak were long gone by now. She just wanted some quiet time with Lauren away from the crowd. She let herself lean a bit against Lauren, her eyes clutched shut to ignore their surroundings, but the moment was interrupted seconds later.

“Guys! We need to hit the showers, we got the meet & greet in less than an hour!”

With a long sigh, she moved away. She fought hard to stop herself from tearing up. It felt like the universe really hated her today, because everything was just wrong, and she was so, so tired! Rest really felt like a faraway memory those days, or more like a mirage fading away in the sand with every step. She couldn’t fathom why, things were supposed to finally be good!

“Hey, it’s okay baby. Come with me.”

Yeah, that’s what she needed. A reminder that some things were good. Not just good, perfect. Perfect like the way Lauren gently led her to the showers with no regards for the people around. Perfect like the way she undressed her and gently pulled her under the stream of water and softly started to wash her hair. When Lauren started to wash her own hair, Camila just cuddled close. Nose nuzzled deep in the crook of her neck and eyes close to not get suds in it, she let herself melt against her.

“There, baby love. Let’s relax for a bit okay?”

“’m tired.”

“I know, love. Just the meet & greet and the show, and then we get two days off, remember?”

“I don’t wanna…”

“Maybe I can see for us to skip the meet & greet, but we can’t miss the show.”

Camila sighed again. Of course she wasn’t going to miss the meet & greet. Their fans were counting on them, and it wasn’t fair to miss it just because she wanted to spend time with her girlfriend. Damn morale and ethics! She groaned against Lauren’s neck before pulling her head back a bit.

“No, I’ll do it. I’m just…”

“Not fine. I know, love. We’re going to try to make it better.”

That made her tear up for some reason. She felt like such a failure. She was all over the place, when really she should have been perfectly fine!

“Shh, don’t get upset. It’s okay, love. There’s a lot going on, a lot to adjust to, it’s going to take us some time to find the right balance for everything.”

Camila stayed quiet, letting mama soap and rinse her up. It felt good to finally get to let go today. Once again she stayed close, hiding against her chest, as mama started to clean herself.

“Hey, little monkey, I need to clean up my front, too.”

Camila whined, but after a bit, mama managed to move her just away enough for her to be able to pass her hands between them. Camila moved her head so that her forehead was leaning against mama’s shoulder, her eyes now following the hands leaving suds all over mama’s chest.

When Lauren started washing her chest, she realized how taut the skin under her fingers felt. The warm water both made the pressure more noticeable and soothed it somehow. Her hands stayed there a bit longer than necessary, trying to rub the uncomfortable feeling out.

“No!”

Lauren opened back her eyes, previously lost to the sensation of relief, and found her baby looking at her breasts with a heartbroken look. It didn’t last long though, as she moved back forward, crouching down awkwardly, to latch on to what Lauren finally noticed to be a leaking nipple. She couldn’t help a little groan as Camila expertly suckled deeply. Their morning nursing session had had to be really early and short this morning because of the radio interviews, and Camila’s distress all day had only pushed her breast to want to provide for her baby. In other words, her breasts were full, and antsy to be finally emptied.

“Hey guys! I know you’re still showering, but we need to get going soon!”

…Fucking Floppy boy! His voice had startled them so hard, that Camila would have probably slipped up and fallen on her butt if Lauren hadn’t had the reflex to catch her. He wasn’t too close, though. Lauren had led her to the changing room next to the one the girls were so they wouldn’t be disturbed…and so that idiots like Floppy boy wouldn’t walk in on anything. The rooms were connected by a door though, so they couldn’t linger forever in there.

“It’s okay, baby. He’s on the other side. Come on, we need to get out now.”

This time some tears leaked. It was so unfair! Just when things looked like they were finally getting a bit better, it was just taken away from her, right away! She needed this, she needed this so bad! Even as mama helped her in a towel and gently shushed her, she couldn’t do anything, but let the tears fall. If not, she would have probably exploded right here and there from how overwhelmed she was feeling.

“Come on, baby. Let’s go change.”

Lauren grabbed her hand, letting her thumb draw soothing circles on hers, and walked them back to the other room to get their clothes. She stopped at the threshold though, her hand pulling Camila behind her. Camila was confused, because she couldn’t see anything, and as much as she wanted to stop crying, fear was only making it worse.

“What the fuck are you doing in here?”

“Hey! Guys! There you are! I volunteered to come and get you, but I couldn’t find you! Since your stuff was here, I figured you’d have to come back at some point! What were you doing in the other room?”

Lauren had to take a very deep breath to not go off on the kid.

“Get out.”

“Oh, yeah! We need to hurry! Hey, you okay, Camila?”

“I said. Get. Out.”

“But-!”

“You’re in a woman changing room with two women in towels. Next time you make me repeat myself you bet I’ll have our security informed.”

Floppy boy paled at that, and hurried out of the room. Back in the room, Lauren turned around and pulled her baby up in her arms without a word.

“Lauren…stop…”

The miserable sniffles that followed those words only strengthened Lauren’s resolved. She gently sat her baby down on the bench, and started drying her hair with her own towel. She then helped Camila into her socks and panties, before putting some underwear on herself. Camila didn’t move to do the rest herself, so Lauren kept going, dressing her up completely and tying her shoes as her baby kept sniffling. She quickly finished getting ready herself, and grabbed back her baby’s hand to tug her up, but she was only tugged down herself.

“Baby, we have to go.”

“I want…I want to nurse please, mama.”

The hesitancy and anguish in her baby’s voice was breaking her heart. They both knew it couldn’t happen.

“We don’t have time right now, love. I’m sorry baby, but you’ll nurse tonight, okay?”

She watched with agony deep brown orbs fill with tears once again, shoulder slump and fingers uneasily tugging at each other as her baby’s face started to look down. She immediately lowered down in front of her.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I want this too, I swear, but we don’t have time. The girls are already waiting for us.”

“But…but I want it.”

It wasn’t want. It had nothing to do with simple desire, no. They both knew she needed it. Camila needed to settle down for a bit in this crazy day, and just let go. But the impatient knocks on their door made sure to remind them that their schedule didn’t’ give a damn about that sort of things.

“Guys! We really got to get going!”

With yet another deep breath, Lauren walked Camila out of the room.

“Cool, you guys are ready! Hey, Camila, you look like you’re feeling a bit down, wanna sit by me in the car? I give very good hugs.”

Who decided getting up today was a good idea? Nope, no, this was the last fucking straw! She grabbed Floppy boy by the collar and dragged him back in the changing room. Camila watched the scene astounded. She couldn’t hear any yells coming from the room, and that somehow was even worse. Nothing was scarier than an angry and quiet Lauren. Just thinking about it made her shiver a bit, she was so distracted trying to figure out what Lauren was telling him in her menacing low-voice, that she forgot her tears and concentrated fully on the moment.

When Floppy boy staggered out of the room, he looked even paler than before and slightly traumatized. He didn’t even dare look at her before rushing out of sight.

“What did you tell him?”

“You don’t have to worry about it. I just made a few things clear with him, he won’t bother you again.”

“Lauren, what did you do?”

“Come on, we’re already late.”

No amount of asking and pleading made Lauren spit it out. She actually never intended on telling Camila about that discussion, ever. She was just glad to be rid of that kid for the rest of the day.

A rest of the day that actually went by pretty fast. The meet & greet was a good distraction, getting to meet fans always made the media pressure feel just a bit lighter. People tended to not be as judgmental of every single thing the way media outlet wanted them to be. It helped Camila refocus on what and why they were doing this, and it fueled her enough to last until the end of their show.

When they made it backstage after their encore and farewells, the boys’ band was there waiting for them to congratulate them and gush about how awesome it had been to do their opening act. All of this under the ever watching eyes of cameras and flashes documenting their tour. Lauren had a satisfied if not a bit sinister look watching Floppy boy try to avoid Camila at all costs. The kid wasn’t a total idiot, at least he had some self-preservation instinct.

Once it was all said and done, Camila’s patience started running out pretty quickly. She whined and begged and pouted to convince Lauren to forego showering and just go back to their bus right away, but the brunette never caved.

Turned out, it wasn’t so bad, especially once Camila was put to sit on the ground and given Ducky to play with while Lauren was washing up. The little duck got a lot of cuddles and kisses as Camila hadn’t seen him all day, and he had had to wait in their backpack until tonight!

Ducky had missed mama too, so Camila made sure to make him float in circles around her ankles, making figures 8 around her feet. Then Camila cleaned him up while mama was washing her hair, she made sure to not put any soap in his eyes, because it stung a lot, and Camila didn’t like that. The washing up part was a little bit more annoying, because she had to get up and leave Ducky in the water, but mama’s hands were soft, and she kept leaving little kisses everywhere.

Their ten minutes were soon up, and they could finally go back to their bus. Mama had dressed her in one of her big hoodies and joggers, and she had hidden Ducky in the bid pocket in the front so he wouldn’t get cold on the way back to the bus, nor lonely like in the bag.

“Come on, love. Go say goodnight to everyone and then we’ll go to bed.”

Camila eagerly executed herself, running from one person to the next to say goodnight, giving hugs to the all the girls before rushing back to mama who was finishing her own round.

“Alright, see you tomorrow guys!”

A chorus of voices answered back different variations of the same sentiment, and Camila just tugged at her arm. It was time to go! She nearly dragged Lauren all the way to the bus, her mama laughing at her obvious enthusiasm.

The second they were inside, mama pulled her up in her arms again. She walked her to the bunks, and gently laid her down. She first handed her Bobby, Nala and her new little otter guy, before gently offering her paci. Her baby now occupied, she quickly undressed her again, helping her into a bodysuit and one of her onesie. They were going to be driving all night, and the driver has advised them to cover up as the night was going to be crisp.

“Come here, baby, let’s get a bottle, okay?”

“Nooo!”

Her baby was pouting already, her chin wobbling dangerously.

“Love, you hardly anything at dinner.”

“Mama, noooo! I wanna nurse!”

“Mama’ll let you nurse after, okay?”

Her baby just dissolved into big sobs. She had been trying to hold on her tears all day, and that was just too much. She just wanted to nurse. She’d tried to be good all afternoon so mama would let her nurse, and now she wanted her to wait? Her desperation was soon turning into anger, little fist curling up and swinging at the mattress.

“Hey, hey, hey! None of that!”

Lauren didn’t give her a choice, and just lifted her up back in her arms, swaying her soothingly.

“Mama, please!”

“I know you want to nurse baby, mama want you to nurse too, but I don’t want my baby to wake up hungry during the night. How about a yogurt?”

“Mama milk.”

“A banana shake?”

“Mama milk!”

Camila got so agitated that her paci fell out of her mouth. She looked distressed right away and put two of her fingers in her mouth, starting to suckle urgently again. That was the sight that finally made Lauren cave, that and seeing her baby exhaustedly rub her eyes with her little fist, still getting worked up because she didn’t like sucking on her fingers.

“Okay, okay, my baby needs her nursing time.”

With that, she put Camila back on their bunk, quickly getting in too, and pushing away Camila’s grabby hands so that she could take off her hoodie and shirt. After that, though, she lost control on the session, as Camila pulled her own hands away from her breast, taking over the gentle massage needed to get the letdown started. As soon as white drops started to appear on her nipples, Camila latched on.

“There we go, slow down baby. Not so fast, you’ll get sick.”

With a guiding hand on Camila’s cheek, Lauren managed to slow down a bit her famished baby. The next hour was all cooing, gentle strokes and soft humming. Camila was flush against Lauren, their legs entwined as she was dozing off, nipple still very much in mouth. They could hear the hum of the bus making its way to their next stop, the road gently rocking them into a deeply relaxed state. This was perfect. Exactly what they needed after such a day. Lauren could hear the change in her baby’s breathing, how it was progressively getting deeper with time. She was about to drop any second now, and Lauren couldn’t have been happier. Sleep had been really hard and sporadic recently for her baby, and some nights, even with all the goodwill in the world, Lauren couldn’t put her baby to sleep before dropping herself.

The hardest task was still getting her baby to unlatch. Her breasts were getting sore from all the attention. She carefully put one of her fingers by Camila’s mouth, and gently pulled to the side to break off the suction. Her baby tried to latch back right away, suckling up to nothing until mama put her spare paci in her mouth, as the other was still somewhere on the ground.

She slowly pulled her baby closer to her, unable to resist leaving little kisses on her face and hair before finally settling down. She was still shirtless, but it was fine, her baby would be her blanket if she got cold. As if to prove her right, Camila rolled over, right on top of her.

Lauren let herself be lulled by the gentle rock of the bus and Camila’s soft breathing against her neck. A beautiful harmony to fall asleep to.

Chapter Text

Hi!

So I know it's been a while (like a 5-year-long while!), I had sort of abandoned the idea of continuing this fic at this point.

A few hours after posting the 29th chapter, I got a call for a job interview, 4 hours later I had a job, started working the next day, and well, I’m still working for that company 5 years later (Yeah, job stability!). By the time I got into the rhythm of work and free time, I started on the 30th chapter, wrote 800 words and got stuck there.

I can’t tell you how many times I opened that file over the years and tried to keep writing, but I had nothing. Worst writer’s block ever. Like I had ideas of what I wanted to happen further down the line, but no idea how to get there.

I’m so thankful for the love you guys still sent my way overt time. Those notifications still make my day and motivated me to keep opening that file and try to write something.

And well (yeah, I’m getting to the point, I promise), I might have had a little idea growing in my mind those past few weeks, and a couple days off to try and write it down. So basically I’m nearly done with the 30th chapter, and was just curious to know if anyone was still interested at this point?

So yeah, do you guys still want a new chapter after all this time?

Chapter Text

Lauren readjusted herself for what felt like the hundredth time. Her eyes shut tight in reaction to the pain the slight movement caused. God, this was bad.

She felt Normani’s hand nudge her thigh and laugh at what had been said. She had no idea what had been said. She wasn’t even exactly sure who they were even talking to, honestly.

She took a deep breath and tried to focus back on what was happening. Interview, right. Radio interview! Actually a good news, at least no cameras involved.

“…We’re so proud of what we’ve managed to accomplish together, and how much we’ve all grown on the way. This tour feels really special, you know. We’re more experienced, so it’s a bit less nerve wracking, but this time we also get to sing in those amazing places that we never thought we’d get to play in. It’s hard work, but it’s an amazing experience.”

Normani kept a smile on her face as she turned toward Lauren and quickly widened her eyes to signal that she needed to say something.

“Yes, I totally agree. And our audience has been amazing. We thought it was amazing the first time, but this tour has been unbelievable. Nothing keeps you going quite like the kind of crowds we’ve had waiting for us each night.”

Thankfully that was the last question of the interview, and it was finally time to leave and go back to their hotel for the night. Seated in the back of the car, Lauren closed her eyes once again and took measured breaths to try and power through the pain. Ten minutes ride. She could do this. As long as she could maintain the seatbelt away from her chest, it should be manageable.

“Lauren, this cannot go on like this.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry.”

“It’s not fine. I can see that it’s hurting really bad, and there’s no way you can go on for another day like this.”

“It’s not a day. We’ll be back to the buses by midday tomorrow.”

Lauren was clenching her teeth at this point. She just wanted some quiet, she couldn’t do this right now. She just had to hold it together, and tomorrow everything would be fine. This all nightmare would be over, and everything would be back to normal.

“Lauren…”

“Please, Normani… Just… Not now, ok?”

Normani sighed and just held out her hand for Lauren to squeeze as each bump on the road made the pain flare up.

She was worried… and also annoyed, but mostly because she was worried. Management had had the brilliant idea to spring some promo on them. Which wasn’t inherently bad or surprising at this point, but of course they had felt the need to split the girls, and of course Camila and Lauren couldn’t go together. Because certainly the world would just collapse on itself, right? Fucking idiots…

To make matters worse, Normani had learned on their flight that Lauren had no plans to deal with the new “function” of her boobs. Well, she had one (even though Normani refused to call it a plan): wait until she was back with Camila. And two days later, here they were, and all of Normani’s predictions were right. She probably would have gloated if Lauren wasn’t squeezing the hell out of her hand and trying to breathe through the pain with her eyes squeezed shut.

No. This was stopping right now. As the car stopped in front of the hotel, Normani turned toward Lauren.

“Please, Normani, just let it go…I’ll take a shower, express some of it to relieve the pressure and I’ll be fine.”

“No, Lauren. This is bullshit, and if you keep going you’ll get sick. So what you’ll do, is ask for some ice, put it in a towel, and put that over your chest. You can take a shower, but for the love of god, do it quick and without burning hot water, or we might have a real problem on our hands.”

“What do you even know about all this?”

“INTERNET, Lauren! Because while you’ve been trying to avoid the subject at all cost, I’ve been worried sick and trying to figure out what to do before I just have us driven to the E.R! No! Not a word from you, go to your room, I’ll be back in a bit.”

Under normal circumstances, Lauren probably would have had some scathing response to this. But those were not normal circumstances, and she was so exhausted from the pain. And the E.R? Seriously? There was no way she could end up there just because she was a bit too full! …Right?

“Lauren?”

“Fine! But I’m sure you’re worried for nothing.”

Normani let out a long breath and rubbed her temples.

“Just get out the car.”

---

Normani’s little detour thankfully didn’t take too long, and she was back within 30 minutes of Lauren’s arrival. She could have been faster, but she only knew as much as what google had been able to tell her, and she was not risking asking a sale assistant and being recognized.

Bag in hand, she made her way up to Lauren’s room and started knocking. When there were no answer, she knocked a bit harder.

“Lauren, you better open this door, and quick, or I swear to God-”

The door opened so quick, that Normani had to take a step back. A very annoyed Lauren was standing at the threshold, looking slightly ridiculous with a towel stuck under her shirt. At least she had listened.

“Could you please refrain from yelling in the corridor?”

“Oh, I wonder why I ever would have to do that.”

They both glared at each other, before Lauren finally abdicated and moved away from the door for Normani to get in.

“Does the ice help?”

“Yes, Normani. You were right, it feels much better, so you can go back to your room.”

“Why did I ever do to end up with such stubborn people? No Lauren, it’s not better, you’re not actually better, you’re probably a couple hours away from developing an infection!”

“I’m fine.”

“No! And you want to know why? Because you’re not feeling a bit too full, this is engorgement, that’s what happens when you don’t breastfeed for long periods of time. Do you know what happens when it goes on too long? You may block one of your milk ducts. And you know what happens when that goes on for too long too? Mastitis! We’re talking bad infection here, with fever, pain, fatigue, the whole package. Do you know how I know all this? A 5 minutes google search, Lauren! So can we stop pretending that nothing is happening now? 

Normani was breathing hard, staring at Lauren. It was breaking her heart to see tears accumulating in her friend’s eyes, but if brutal facts were the only way to go, she was going to do it.

“Mani…I…”

“I know. We’re going to deal with this together, ok? You’re gonna grab this bag and go in the bathroom, and I’m gonna stay right here and help you, alright?”

With a sniffle, Lauren finally surrendered. With trembling hands, she reached for the bag before making her way to the bathroom. At the threshold, she glanced back at Normani.

“I’m staying right here, we’re going to fix this, and tomorrow you’ll have you baby back in your arms and everything will be fine.”

Lauren closed her eyes, the longing for Camila piercing through her. With a final deep breath, she finally stepped in and closed the door.

She sat down on the toilet seat with the bag at her feet. She wasn’t an idiot, she knew what would be inside. It just made her want to throw it out. This was not fair. The choice to do this or not should have been her decision, but no! Once again! They were thrown around like pretty little puppets without any consideration for what they might want or need.

“Honey, you should just let it out, you know. Let it out for good, and then we’re going to take care of this.”

Normani determined but sympathetic voice finally made the tears dam crack. Face buried in her hands Lauren finally let go, letting all the pain, anger and sadness she had repressed for two days come out. This was so fucked up, she didn’t want to do this. They had started talking about it with Camila, agreed that they would wait until those sort of things might become a problem. Had she been more honest, they probably would have done it already, but Lauren just hated the idea. A fucking breast pump. Nursing was such a special moment, filled with so many overwhelming feelings, of course she’d rather suffer a bit than waste her milk on a stupid machine! She understood why it might be a necessary part of the journey for mothers, but that was not their case. It was all about bonding, having a calm moment after a hard day, relaxing and getting in their safe little bubble.

It wasn’t supposed to be like that. Camila and her were supposed to do this together, try it out and see how it felt, but time was against them, time was always against them! There was so little free time available, that whenever they finally managed to get some, Lauren was reluctant to spend it doing something she didn’t want to do in the first place.

The breast bump represented being apart from each other, not being able to provide what her body was working so hard to make for her baby. She knew she was being irrational and a bit reckless, but she just really didn’t want to do this.

“…Maybe I can just express it in the shower, what’s another what? 15 hours?”

“Lauren, no. I’m sorry, but I’m not letting you get sick because of this.”

“I really don’t want to do this Mani…”

“I know. And I’m so sorry, but you have to do it. At least this once.”

“I hate this, this is fucking unfair…”

Normani heard a thud and the rustling of the paper bag sliding on the floor.

“Ok, how about we don’t break anything though? Those things are not exactly cheap!”

“…Sorry.”

It started as a chuckle, but quickly Normani couldn’t help but burst out laughing.

“I really don’t see what’s so funny…”

“You…You…Camila would be in so much…so much trouble right now if she was acting like that!”

“Mani!”

“Oh come on! She’d be over your knees already I’m sure!”

“Could you stop laughing?”

Lauren’s voice still sounded indignant, but Normani could hear the little smile in it.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but this situation is so fucking weird! I’ve just went and rented a breast bump, Lauren! I had the cashier ask me for the size of your nipples!!”

Tears were starting to stream down her face in her hilarity, and best of all she could hear Lauren progressively cracking down too.

“…Fuck! Fine, you’re right. I hate this, but I would totally have Camila’s ass over something like this. And why the fuck would they ask about the size of my nipples?”

“I don’t know! Something about a breast shield? I told them to put all of it in it, so you could see what fits.”

“Mani, this thing is a fucking puzzle! How many parts do those things need?”

Lauren sounded calmer, at least more like herself, which had Normani smile in relief. A good laugh was what they needed, now she just had to try and maintain that mood.

“Hell if I know, girl. There’s instructions on the back.”

A few curses and fumbling later, the bathroom was once again quiet.

“Hey! Adam Savage, you done with assembling, yet?”

“Why do you even know that guy?”

“I have Youtube, just like everybody else. You done?”

“Yeah…”

“Figured out the size of your nipples, yet?”

“Would you stop with that? Yes, it’s all…ready to go.”

“Well come on! Let’s just get it over with!”

She could hear a long sigh, but soon enough, the telltale sound of the pump could be heard through the door.

“…So? Is it working?…Lauren? Anybody here?”

“Could you wait a second? This hurts like a bitch.”

Normani was now rethinking this whole idea of giving Lauren some privacy. She could hear her hiss in pain from behind the door and try to contain groans of discomfort and pain.

“Hey, do you want me to come in?”

“No, it’s stupid, it’s not working!”

With a last painful grunt, the machine was turned off.

“Ok, tell me what’s going on.”

“Nothing, Mani! Fucking nothing, it just makes it hurt more.”

Normani was on her phone, trying to find a solution.

“Ok, take a breath, you say nothing, like no milk coming out?”

“What do you think?”

“Ok, I’m coming in, you’re really being an idiot right now.”

“No! No, okay, sorry, it just really hurts a lot right now! Everything feels super sensitive, and the suction really doesn’t feel nice.”

“Does it feel, like, blocked?”

“Not really, just feels like, I don’t know, the wrong stimulation? I don’t know Mani!”

“Hey, big breath, give me a second.”

Normani was scrolling through posts and comments, trying to find a solution.

“Letdown!”

“What?”

“Letdowns, Lauren! It’s when your body releases the milk-”

“I know what letdowns are!”

“Yeah, but it’s what’s your body’s not doing right now!”

“I can’t have them on command!”

“Yeah, but there’s a button for it, idiot! Bottom right.”

“Do I really have to-“

“Yes, Lauren. Seriously?!”

“Ugh…”

The pump started again, faster than before, but after about two minutes, it started slowing down, then was turned off.

“What did you turn it off?”

“It’s not working Mani.”

Lauren’s voice cracked on her name, and Normani’s heart broke. She could hear little sniffles and Lauren’s stuttering breath.

“Mani, what should I do? I don’t want to go to the E.R.”

Still looking through the page she was on, Normani found something that she hoped might help.

“Ok, let’s try something different.”

She scrolled through her contacts for a brief moment before starting a FaceTime.

“Hey Mani! How are you guys? I’ve been trying to get Lauren on the phone for the past 10 minutes, but she’s not answering. Are you guys okay?”

“Hey Mila, there might be a bit of a situation, where are you?”

“Uhm, back in my room, what’s going on?”

“You alone?”

“Yeah, Normani, where’s Lauren?”

“Ok, great, let me get you to Lauren.”

Normani opened the door, just enough to pass her arm through.

“Where are you- Oh baby! Are you okay, what’s happening?”

Lauren felt both worse and better hearing her girlfriend’s voice. A part of her didn’t want her to see all this, but the knots in her stomach eased a bit just seeing her face. With a little sob, she reached for the phone.

“Babe, talk to me, what’s happening?”

“We might need to give her a minute. Let’s just say things got a bit too full today, and there’s some engorgement going on? I went to get a pump, but it’s not really going well.”

“Lauren, you told me everything was alright at lunch!”

“It was! It started hurting during the afternoon, and now it won’t come out!”

Camila felt really bad for that last remark. Her girlfriend was in tears, shirtless, pitifully sitting on a toilet.

“Ok, I believe you, I’m sorry. Can I help?”

“I don’t know.”

“I think you can. I was reading this stuff about letdowns, and that it can be hard when moms start pumping to have them, because the body is used to respond to, well, a baby! So maybe you can help trigger that?”

Ok, this whole situation was pathetic. Lauren couldn’t really get a handle on her tears, Camila was looking panicked and Normani was doing a running commentary in the background.

“Ok, but we need to move, Lauren you’re literally shivering in there, how about you move to the bed? Mani can you turn around or something while she gets situated?”

Lauren decided to just go along with everything, she was exhausted and she just wanted the pain to finally stop. Her whole chest was burning and the skin felt so tight she felt like she might explode without some relief. She did as she was told, and got as comfortable as she could on the bed after putting everything she needed close by. She was already feeling a lot calmer now cocooned under the covers.

“Does your bed have one of those long bolster pillows?”

“I think so, why?”

“You can…You can use that to cuddle…Uhm…Like place it as if it were me.”

Camila turned the cutest shade of pink as she was trying to explain herself.

“Is that what you’ve been doing, baby? Cuddling the pillow?”

“Yeah…I mean, it helps at night.”

Lauren was again feeling two very distinct feelings, both angry that her baby had to use that sort of trick to try and fall asleep when she wanted nothing more than to have her in her arms, and so completely in love with the image of her baby all cuddled up to that pillow, pacifier in mouth and plushies in her arms.

Camila cleared her throat at the soft look that Lauren sent her way. She looked away to try and not be tempted to fall into headspace. Lauren needed her.

“If you guys could not forget that I’m in the room, that’d be nice. Coz Laur is definitely making goo-goo eyes at my phone right now.”

Well. A bit brutal, but it did help. Camila focused back on the task at hand.

“Right, uhm, did you try to massage them a bit? Like I do when they get a bit uncomfortable?”

“I’m not sure I can really touch them without it hurting like hell. The skin feels really taunt and warm. I couldn’t even express some of it in the shower, it hurt too much.”

“The sites do say that massaging can help.”