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“Y-Yoongi, I’ll be good, I-I swear, y-you don’t have to worry about that anymor-”
“When we’re you going to tell me?” His voice was filled with a sharp and cold tone of hurt, “When?”
“I-I was hoping i-it’d never come up, l-let me explain, please-”
“G..Get out, Taehyung.”
“What?” It felt like an arrow piercing through his heart, the world spinning around him and the only thing he could focus on was the smaller boy in front of him.
“Get out!” Yoongi felt hurt, betrayed. He wanted to cry, he wanted everything to be fake. But Min Yoongi doesn’t cry, not anymore.
Yet, there was someone crying, and that someone was Kim Taehyung. He had screwed up, he felt his heart in his hands and the weight of his past pulling him back down. His feet forced him outside of the room, his head hanging like a weight was being pulled on his neck. Taehyung didn’t mean for Yoongi to find out, he really didn’t.
But he did. And now Yoongi didn’t know who he could trust, anymore. The only thing he knew to do, was to shut everyone out, like he had always done. It usually works out for him, that way. He wouldn’t get hurt anymore.
Especially by those who he loves.
“Yoongi, Taehyung is in the hospital. G-Get here, now.” Jimin’s voice seemed to break with every single word he spoke, his breath quivering within every pause.
“ What?” He couldn’t believe what he had heard, Taehyung, in the hospital? No, there’s no way… But if he was, what was it for?
“Taehyung is in the fucking hospital, and he needs you. Get here, now.” There was impatience in the younger’s voice, which only made everything more surreal. Taehyung really was in the hospital.
“I-I’m on my way,” Yoongi’s world seemed to now move as if it were in a filter, everything moving slow and colors distorting into each other. He couldn’t remember the next 30 minutes, the only thing that he could remember was rushing into the room. Rushing into the room to see Kim Taehyung, out cold on a hospital bed. Everything else was a blur, the many voices calling out to him only seemed to be in a distance, a cold echo sending shivers down his spine. It all hit him in that moment, what was really happening.
He was thrown back into reality by his buddy Namjoon, who took a hold of his face and shook him until he realized what the other was saying.
“Yoongi? Yoongi, look at me. Yoongi, fucking look at me!”
“W..What… happened?” His voice was barely above a whisper, his eyes full of worry as he looked at the taller boy.
“T..Taehyung, h-he.. H-He hasn’t been eating, Yoongi.. H-He’s been fucking starving himself , h-he’s been not getting enough sleep, Y-Yoongi, do you know why?” Namjoon’s voice cracked at the explanation, his hands gripping into the other’s shoulders.
“He...did this… to himself?” The other whispered, his head slowly moving to look at the other’s bed. He took a step towards the said bed, looking down at the other before mumbling, “I.. I’m sorry, Taehyung.”
Yoongi couldn’t stay in that room anymore, he just couldn’t. He knew why the other had done that, it was because of him. He was stupid, he didn’t let the other explain, he hurt Taehyung. He almost killed him.
He wanted to scream, he wanted to yell out all of the things he’s done wrong in his life, he wanted to cry, but Min Yoongi doesn’t cry.
It had been a month since Taehyung had started recovery, a month since everyone thought that it would get better.
It had been a month since Yoongi started destroying himself.
Yet, everyone was too focused on helping Taehyung, letting him know that he was loved, to notice. Which was perfect for the tiny boy. No one would notice him just fade away… That’s what he wanted, right? That was his goal..
Every day, he’d attempt to skip meals, avoiding the questions that Seokjin bombarded him with whenever he came up with an excuse. Eventually, the questions stopped coming. They all believed Yoongi ate on his own time, which, to Yoongi, was quite dumb, since that’s the same excuse that Taehyung used… but doesn’t that prove how none of them care about him? The way he always overworked himself to the point that he couldn’t walk, the way the bags under his eyes became worse and worse everyday. He couldn’t function anymore, he felt, he didn’t know how to.
Yet, all was fine, because Taehyung was recovering. He was doing better, he was eating meals regularly, he was living like he did before Yoongi hurt him.
However, everyone did notice how Yoongi distanced himself after the hospital incident. No one wanted to bother him, Taehyung told them that he needed his space. No one knew why he said that, but they all went along with what he said.
That was, until Hoseok found him on the bathroom floor, sobbing. That was, until Hoseok found him on the bathroom floor, a knife in his hands.
Yoongi couldn’t see anything in the future for himself, he saw nothing worth living for. He didn’t understand how much he was loved. He didn’t understand that.
Not even when being cradled by a shaking Hoseok, he didn’t understand the fact of how much he was loved. He didn’t understand why he was crying, because Min Yoongi doesn’t cry. He wasn’t sure why he kept mumbling, “I’m sorry,” as he was being held by a crying Hoseok. The small boy didn’t understand why the world seemed to be darkening, until it faded.
Yoongi held the photo in his hands, his entire body shaking with hurt and anger. He wanted to rip the photo in two, he wanted to rip himself in two.
“Yoongi, babe? What’s wrong-” Taehyung cut himself off after he saw the photo. The picture contained him and Jeongguk kissing, a photo taken only a week before.
“Why?” His voice cracked, wanting to know the truth, “Why did you kiss him, Taehyung?”
The taller boy couldn’t speak, his voice caught in his throat. He didn’t know this existed, and he didn’t expect the other to ever know about it.
“I-It w-was a truth or dare, baby, I-I-”
“Don’t.. Call me baby… Taehyung.. Y-You.. I.. H-How could y-you?” Yoongi wanted to cry, he wanted this to be fake.
“Y-Yoongi, I’ll be good, I-I swear, y-you don’t have to worry about that anymor-”
Yoongi didn’t understand the pain he caused everyone else, he didn’t understand why everyone was so upset. He didn’t understand why Taehyung was crying next to him, he didn’t understand why Taehyung was lying next to him. He hurt him, didn’t he? Why doesn’t he hate him? Everything was just.. so confusing, for Yoongi.
He didn’t understand how much he was loved.
He didn’t understand that Taehyung didn’t want to kiss the other boy, that it was just a dare, he didn’t understand that Taehyung only wanted to kiss Yoongi forever.
But, eventually, he learned. He learned every missing thing he ever wondered. He understood, now. He knew why he was there, he knew what he had done. He knew how much everyone wanted him to get better, he knew that he needed to get better. Yet, best of all, he knew that Taehyung loved him, and only him.
And Yoongi loved him back, more than anyone ever could.