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Damian Wayne was never good with feelings, especially not his own feelings when they involved another person. Joining the Titans hadn't exactly done much to help him with this problem, in fact in some ways it had made it worse. Most of the time getting along with the other members was...difficult, at most. Damian felt ages ahead of them and yet, at the same time, ages behind then all at once. Jaime and Garfield had typical teenage humor, the kind that made Damian roll his eyes at and yet...he didn't really understand it. What was the appeal of playing pranks on each other, or placing bets revolving around video games or other childish activities? He didn't see the entertainment in it and it irritated him to no end. He felt...entirely too old for his age around the two and it showed in nearly every interaction, thus provoking his frustrated snapping at them. They never seemed to take it personally though and though Damian wouldn't say it to their faces, he was glad.
Kori was...difficult as well. Damian liked her well enough; anyone that could make Dick as happy, and flustered, as the Tamaranean did was alright in Damian's opinion. She was strange, though, in a way Damian couldn't grasp. Emotional might not have been the best word but it was all he could come up with. She was a strong leader, though, and as young as she was she seemed to have a maternal role in their team, and maybe if Damian wanted to get in depth he'd admit that maybe that was why he clashed with her so much. But, that hardly mattered.
Kori was soft where Damian had expected her to be hard. Her training was always followed by kind words and gentle instruction and she was always pushing for team bonding. She was...friendly and loving, and Damian felt like a child around her. He felt like a child who didn't understand how this strong and bewildering woman could treat all of them like her own family. He didn't understand why she had to be motherly and friendly and as much as that drove him crazy, he wouldn't admit that it was...almost nice to have some sort of motherly figure in his life again.
However, then there was Raven, the biggest source of Damian's emotional confusion. In hindsight, the two of them weren't very different at all. They both had figures in their pasts plaguing their dreams, things better left not mentioned. That was alright. But she was so...calm. So quiet. Damian couldn't understand that sometimes. He envied it, most of the time, because if he could have half the self control Raven had then maybe making friends wouldn't be so damn difficult.
"You're doing it again."
Damian's eyes shot open and he blinked a few times, before frowning at the girl across from him. "Doing what?"
"Thinking." Raven replied, opening her eyes. She remained where she was, legs crossed and floating there, just a few inches from the grass they sat in. She eyed him for a moment before she spoke up again. "The point of meditating was to clear your mind, remember?"
"I was distracted." Damian murmured, tearing his gaze away from her a little bit, looking anywhere but at that calm, collected face that made him feel so...lost.
"You seem to be distracted a lot lately." Raven murmured, and her tone held no snark, no underlying tone of mockery. It just sounded...casual, maybe even a little curious if Damian were to be daring. "Is there something bothering you?"
He snorted softly, returning his gaze to her again. "It's nothing to be concerned about. I certainly wouldn't call it important."
Ah, there it was. A small quick of her lips. It made Damian shifted in his place a little bit and Raven spoke up again. "Do you want to talk about it? Might make you feel better."
"It isn't worth talking about." Damian muttered, bringing a hand up to run his fingers through his hair. "It certainly isn't anything worth interrupting your meditation."
This time Raven did smile, a small one. "I can meditate anytime. What's bothering you?"
This was the part about Raven that made Damian feel...lost. Despite the apathetic look she had most of the time, Raven had a deep desire to help people. To be useful to their team and to be...friendly. Damian knew he didn't deserve that kind of treatment, not from any of them. He shifted around again and let out a sigh. "It's going to sound childish."
"So?" Raven shrugged, tilting her head slightly to stare at him. "There's nothing wrong with childish."
That made Damian crack a small smile before it faded away again. "Do you ever feel out of place here?"
"Me? The child of a demon?" Raven deadpanned, arching an eyebrow at him. "No. Never."
"I worded that wrong." Damian mumbled, frowning a little bit at her. "What I mean is...I've been on this team for several months now. We've all...bonded...We even saved the world. Despite all of that, though, I don't feel like I belong here on the team. I feel...too different."
Raven nodded slowly. "Different how?"
He sighed and glanced up at the sky, watching some of the clouds roll by. "...When I'm around Jaime and Garfield I feel as if I'm decades older than them. They worry about girls and school and they make jokes I don't understand. They laugh at sexual innuendos and at stupid online videos."
"And?" Raven asked slowly.
"And I'm nearly the same age as them both and none of the things they understand make sense to me." Damian insisted as he looked back at her, scowling a little bit. "I don't understand teenage humor like everyone else my age does. I don't see the joy in playing video games or the point of tormenting each other for sport. It doesn't make sense and I feel out of place and I know they think I'm out of place too."
Raven had seated herself in the grass now. Was she closer than before? "What makes you think that they think that?"
"I can see it on their faces when they look at me." He murmured, feeling entirely childish when his voice grew softer. "They look at me as if I'm some sort of...circus freak. So I figured that perhaps I could find some similarities with Starfire but...with her I just feel like a toddler. I don't understand her and her kindness, how she can be so welcoming and...soft. Especially considering how I can act; I know I'm not anyone favorite. I don't try to be. But I at least wanted to be...someone people enjoy being around. But I don't understand any of them no matter how hard I try. "
This was what he really didn't understand about Raven. She barely had to say anything and yet he was here, easily speaking his mind without being cautious. It was like her presence on it's own was enough to assure him that things were okay, and he really wasn't sure if that was a good thing yet.
"I enjoy being around you." Raven told him, catching his attention and making his stomach flip. "You can be a pain, but we all can. We all grew up differently so we deal with things differently. You can't expect us all to be the same because we aren't. And we can't all understand each other, but we don't have to." Maybe she knew Damian was getting ready to argue because suddenly her hand was on Damian's knee and Damian felt his face heat up as she continued speaking. "Damian, you and I both came from lives that expected the worst of us. We didn't exactly get to be kids and that's why things are so difficult for us now."
"I don't understand." Damian murmured quietly, staring at her with narrowed eyes.
Raven sighed softly and nodded a bit, thinking over her words for a minute. "When you don't get to be a kid, you learn to grow up before you're really ready to. It messes with your head. You miss out on all those things that normal kids get to do. Video games and stupid jokes and playful fighting with friends...we didn't get any of that, Damian." Her hand moved, slowly lifting to take Damian's in her own. "Since we didn't get to do that, now that it's being exposed to us we don't know what to think. We feel older than them because we were taught at a young age that things people our ages like...weren't for us. It feels foreign and wrong and yet you know that there's a part of you that wants to be included, but it's hard. And...as for Starfire...you say you don't understand how she can be so soft and kind...but she's been through Hell, just like the rest of us. And...the world already has so much bad in it. Maybe she just wants to give back some kindness."
Damian glanced at their hands, at their intertwined fingers, and then met her gaze again. "I don't deserve the kindness."
Raven's small smile faded and she shook her head slightly, a barely there gesture. "No one cares about the way you acted back then. We're a team. Jaime and Gar are...pains sometimes, but they'd risk their lives for you. So would Starfire and so would I and we knew you would do the same for us. We're all here for each other and you deserve just as much kindness as the rest of us."
Damian bit the inside of his cheek, eyes falling down to gaze at their hands again. Raven had slender fingers and soft skin where he had calloused, over worked skin. She was pale compared to his dark skin, too. If he were feeling poetic, he probably could have said something about their differences making them what made them the same. But, he wasn't feeling very poetic at all. "That's the most I've heard you speak in a while."
"Don't get used to it." She replied, another smile tugging at the corner of her lips as she let go of his hand and stood up. "Come on; you haven't eaten lunch yet. I'm sure Gar and Jaime made something by now."
As Damian pushed himself up to his feet he watched as Raven started heading back to the Tower door. He frowned and jogged over to her, grabbing her wrist. She turned to look at him, an eyebrow arched, and Damian cleared his throat. "Thank you."
"For what?" She murmured, gently tugging her arm free.
"For listening to me. For helping." He replied, glancing away. "I...would not mind listening to you, should you want to talk about something as well."
When he chanced a glance back at her, the smile on the girl's lips left Damian stiff, stunned. She nodded a bit and turned her back to him, reaching back to grab the sleeve of his shirt. "Maybe. Don't get your hopes up yet; you did interrupt my meditation, after all."