Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It's Not Fair

Chapter One: Work Sucks

A week had passed since he first started working as a teacher at a primary school, and if there was one thing he was one hundred and twenty percent sure about at this point was that he still hated teaching kids with a passion.

People around him always said he would make a great teacher for some reason he couldn't fathom no matter how hard he tried. Just because he was good at languages and had occasionally tutored a few people here and there didn't make him good at teaching, at all, and he knew it.

Fresh out of college, Uchiha Sasuke was still looking for his dream job at an editing company where he could be constantly surrounded by the two complementary things he loved the most – books and words; but since he still hadn't been lucky enough, he was stuck teaching English to kids during their after school Extra Curricular Activities.

If it didn't pay well, considering the few hours he worked a day (always the longest ever), he definitely would've quit long ago. His mother had encouraged him to at least give it a try at teaching to see how he'd do, so he had applied to several job offers of the kind just to indulge her and prove himself, and everybody else, that he wasn't suited for the job.

The school was considerably small compared to others; colorful, clean, and very organized. After a few days, he became familiar with the hallways fairly easily, which was a plus because he hadn't been particularly happy in asking this blond guy (a teacher, maybe, or a relative of one of the kids?)  where the freaking bathroom was on his first day, considering things hadn't exactly been going well, to begin with.

Completely inexperienced with children, Sasuke had been thrown to the wolves on day one. He hadn't been trained to deal with kids, and the coordinator of the ECA, Anko, hadn't given him any tips, simply telling him to find his way of handling the kids and he'd be fine.

Of course, he would. Sure.

He had been assigned three different classes: first, second and fourth years and neither of them had known they were going to have a new teacher, and a young one at that. This to say that he was taken to meet his students, simply being dumped unceremoniously in the respective classrooms and introduced as the new English teacher before Anko closed the door behind him and left him to deal with the bomb that had just been dropped. 

The kids were shocked and immediately overdramatized. Sasuke had never seen so much snot and tears in such a short amount of time, and they had asked many questions he had no idea how to answer. Those kids somehow seemed aware that he was a novice and decided on making his life a living hell from then on. He was completely lost and knew, simply knew that, on his first day, he had completely blown his chances of being friends with these kids.

Over the next few days, he had tried everything: from being nice to being evil-which didn't work half as well considering they supposed he was a good guy playing bad–to blackmailing and bribing. The latter, it seemed, was what did the trick with the kids, so he used it as much as he could, even if he knew it was far from an ideal solution. But he just wanted to teach what he was supposed to teach and get it over with. It wasn’t as if he planned on sticking around for long, anyway, since he was still looking for another job and would be out of there in a heartbeat.

Sasuke supposed that sometimes (very rarely) the kids were kind of funny and cute. Sometimes they hugged him during breaks or jumped him. They also drew things for him that made his eyebrow twitch at the poor art. When these things happened, he almost liked working as a teacher. Almost .

His co-workers were difficult people to deal with. There were four teachers for each ECA, namely, Music, English, and P.E. A  few of them he would encounter at the teacher's lounge once in a while, but he could barely remember their names or faces because he rarely lingered long enough to socialize unless it was strictly necessary. The other teachers were mainly as young as he was, some younger. He particularly disliked the P.E. teachers (Anko being one of them) because they acted arrogantly and tended to exude this over-energetic aura that demanded everyone's attention; attention Sasuke didn't want to pay. He suspected they didn't like him very much for that, either. They tried to make conversation with him, but the topics rarely interested him, so it was hard for him to offer some kind of polite or encouraging comeback.

His lack of social skills never really bothered him.

Sasuke didn't care about what other people at work thought. They all knew each other already, so he was just a gloomy extra.

Still, he had grown weary of teaching, and those three hours he had to spend at school every day were the most excruciating of his day. Sasuke wanted to find another job, and he wanted to find it fast.

000

On the previous night, Sasuke had received an email from Anko announcing a meeting with all the ECA staff concerning the upcoming preparations for Father's Day, the reason why he was currently sitting in a corner at the large rectangular table in the teacher's lounge, quietly watching as his co-workers arrived and sat down around him, chatting good-naturedly among themselves. Sasuke took notice of some familiar faces he had seen here and there passing the hallways, as well as some that he had never seen before–or probably had but hadn't bothered to memorize.

Vaguely, he noticed that the blond guy he had asked for directions on his first day was there as well, talking to two of their most eccentric-looking colleagues who Sasuke knew were Music teachers. As soon as said guy entered the room, though, his eyes–which were probably the biggest and bluest Sasuke had ever seen–seemed to look for something until they landed on him. When the other offered him a simple, friendly smile, Sasuke felt a little confused but bowed his head slightly in acknowledgment. The blond ended up sitting across from him and kept flashing him tiny smiles and stealing glances his way for some reason. It was a little awkward, but it also made Sasuke have the distinct feeling that someone had taken a liking to him. It made him feel unexpectedly lighter, and that meeting didn't feel like such an uncomfortable event anymore.

By the time everybody had sat down, he was already used to the feeling of empathy coming from his blond companion.

"As I explained in the email I sent you yesterday, the P.E. teachers are going to organize various sport-related activities for Father's Day," Anko began from Sasuke's right, once the group had settled down. "As it is, ECA classes will be suspended for the day in favor of some good father-child bonding. The headmaster has already approved, so our job is to get everything ready for the day."

Murmurs of approval could be heard from all around, and even Sasuke allowed himself a small smirk of relief. A work day without having to teach moody brats sounded like heaven to him.

"However, we created a map of activities that will have to be followed with precision so things don't get messy," Anko proceeded. "Every class and respective parents will take turns participating in said activities, but we need to work together to keep things rolling smoothly and according to plan. For this purpose, I have paired you guys up and assigned three classes for each pair. I will now distribute the map of activities and the sheet with the respective pairs and classes assigned to them."

Well, working in pairs was just another bonus, Sasuke thought, feeling his mood brightening up even more. Less responsibility on his shoulders. Unless the person he was going to work with was an ass, but he could handle that just fine.

Anko got up and started distributing the sheets of paper.

When the map and charts were given to him, he quickly read through everything and noticed that he would have his fourth year as well as two third-year classes he didn't know. He also noticed that his partner would be someone called Uzumaki Naruto, but the name didn't ring a bell at all.

His colleagues were already exchanging waves and exclamations of joy with their assigned partners, but Sasuke had absolutely no idea who was his.

"Please, pair up with your partner for the day and organize yourselves as best as you can," Anko finished, before leaning in to talk to her fellow P.E. teachers.

Sasuke looked around curiously, not knowing how to approach someone he didn't know. He wondered if the guy knew who he was. Well, even if he didn't, Sasuke would just wait until everyone had paired up until only one, confused individual remained and then he'd approach the person.

Someone slumped heavily on the chair Anko had previously occupied, making him jump slightly and look to the side, only to find the blond guy he’d been exchanging glances with smiling goofily at him. Sasuke curled an eyebrow at the other man before noticing the extended hand.

"Sasuke, right?" the blond inquired with a charming smile. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto, nice to meet you!"

Feeling a little surprised at the odd coincidence, Sasuke stretched out his hand and shook the one offered to him, saying a simple "Yeah, nice to meet you, too."

"It seems impossible that we haven't spoken to each other, yet!" Naruto said jovially, showing a row of pretty white teeth that were absurdly straight. "I mean, how long have you been working here?"

"A month and a half," Sasuke answered plainly, noticing that Naruto's suddenly radiant energy made him feel all sorts of confused feelings and he didn't know if he appreciated the friendly manner or if it made him want to tense up in annoyance. "And we met once when I started working here. I asked you for directions."

Naruto's smile faltered slightly. "Really? I don't remember at all. I do know that I see you around often."

"You do?" Sasuke inquired suspiciously.

"Yes; your second-year classroom is straight across from where I teach my third years," Naruto explained. When Sasuke's eyebrows rose in disbelief, he let out a small chuckle. "You never noticed? Well, I think it's normal, you're always the last one to arrive at work and the first one to leave. I could never catch up to you to say hello."

Sasuke cleared his throat in embarrassment. He was never late for work, but it wasn't as if he made an effort to arrive early and chat with his co-workers. Admittedly, it was true that, as soon as the last bell rang, he made his way towards the exit as fast as humanly possible, chasing the sweet freedom of the world outside, kid-free and with an impending nicotine craving.

However, he never would've guessed that someone had noticed it, least of all this Naruto person.

Naruto laughed again at Sasuke's lack of response, slapping his arm amicably. "Chill out, man, I'm not attacking you." His voice dropped a little, conspicuously. "I know some of our co-workers are kind of stuck up, but there are cool people around here, too. Namely, me, of course. And Shikamaru and TenTen over there, too."

Sasuke almost snorted at the arrogance but instead ended up smirking. "Yeah, sure." Noticing that his blue-eyed colleague was eyeing him intently, if not a little curiously, he cleared his throat. "So, what is it that you're teaching?"

"Music," Naruto replied, beaming happily at him again. "Just like Shika, TenTen and Genma. You're teaching English, right?"

"Right," Sasuke muttered.

"You're the first male English teacher that we've had in a while," Naruto informed, matter-of-factly, supporting his elbow on the table. "It's a good thing, though; there are too many women here. Apart from the two of us, there are only three other guys. Not that TenTen counts, really, 'cause she's… you know… not really into guys."

"I'm not sure that you should be providing this kind of information to a stranger," Sasuke said, frowning. “She still counts as a girl if she wants.”

"Ah, whatever, it's not like she keeps it a secret, anyway," Naruto dismissed, with a gesture of his hand. "And I didn’t mean it like that, I’m the most open-minded person you’ll ever meet, trust me. But well, she has a thing for one of the P.E. teachers, Temari, but Temari is so into Shika it's ridiculous."

"Again, that’s not information I need," Sasuke said, with a shrug, but Naruto didn’t seem off-put.

“Come on, I’m just making conversation.”

Why was this person talking to him like they knew each other?

Sasuke wasn't exactly a people person, which meant that probably (or not) he was missing the point of Naruto's interaction. Maybe the blond just wanted to make him feel at ease. Still, talking about other people's lives seemed like a stupid way to do it. 

Not that Sasuke knew anything about it, anyway since he didn’t enjoy small talk. Regardless, he did appreciate Naruto’s effort in keeping the conversation going.

"So, shall we get started then?" Naruto suggested energetically and, without waiting for Sasuke's reply, began arranging the small sheaf of papers he had brought with him, setting it in front of them so they could take a look at it. "Okay, so the third year, Class B is mine, and the fourth year, Class A, is yours, right? I think that the other third-years are Yugito's or something. We should probably talk to her and see if the kids are well-behaved and if there are things we should take into consideration. Some kids can be troublesome when handed to a different teacher, you know?"

As they worked together, Naruto did most of the talking, which was fine by Sasuke, since the other seemed to have a mouth big enough to talk for a mob of people. While he babbled on and on and pointed at the maps, Sasuke looked at him in a dissimulate way, noticing just then that, despite how weird and naïvely open the other was, his bright, easy-going nature allowed him to slowly, but consistently, relax around him and open up.

Maybe it was his imagination, but there was some kind of mutual empathy there, and it was something that surprised Sasuke because he was picky when it came to the people he liked, and never in his life had he felt connected to another person he had just met so quickly.

It also fascinated him a bit, even if it was hard for him to admit.

It was the strangest of feelings, Sasuke mused. Naruto wasn't exactly the kind of person he'd usually like to hang out with, and yet, something about him made Sasuke take a liking to him. 

Naruto had bothered to be nice instead of trying to start a forced conversation, and while Sasuke had the distinct feeling that Naruto was the kind of person capable of embarrassing the people around him with his personality, he felt, deep down, that the blond was… well, a nice guy.  Plus, it felt good to socialize with someone from work for a while, at least, even if, after Father's Day, they'd go back to being strangers. 

Hopefully not. It'd be nice to have some kind of an accomplice in that kids' battleground that was that school.

The thought alone was surprising.

TBC…

Chapter Text

It’s Not Fair

Chapter Two: Empathy

Naruto was still a student at the Music Conservatory. He wanted to be a singer. Also, he liked to talk , or more accurately, he liked to coerce Sasuke into being more talkative. 

It wasn’t as if he asked complicated or personal questions, no; he was simply good at making that awful small talk and good at making him enjoy it despite the sometimes absurd subjects he chose. Like that one time when he asked Sasuke if he liked birds. When Sasuke said he didn’t care about birds, Naruto rambled on and on about how cute birds were and why everybody should have one for a pet.

Naruto also seemed to have made it a habit of stalking Sasuke-not that the dark-haired one liked to phrase it that way-and making sure they ran into each other once in a while to exchange a few words, casual as they might be.

Sometimes, Sasuke wondered if the blond had taken a liking to him or if he had taken him on as some kind of charity case because, seriously, Naruto got along with everyone . Sasuke’s behavior made it clear that he didn’t like any of his co-workers. Naruto knew this and didn’t seem to want to force him inside the circle of teachers that surrounded them, which, to Sasuke, was strange, to say the least.

Mostly, Naruto just liked talking to him. Not that Sasuke was against it considering he had taken a liking to him. They didn’t know each other all that well, but they did seem to get along, even if they looked like completely different people with completely different interests. Sasuke wasn’t exactly someone easy to converse with, either since he despised pointless conversation.

Besides, Sasuke had once wasted his time watching Naruto with his class at the end of the day and had instantly admired (and secretly envied) how good Naruto was with the kids. It was clear that they not only respected but admired him, as well, and Naruto genuinely seemed to have fun working as a teacher, unlike Sasuke himself, who always felt an anguishing, sickening twist in his stomach every time he even neared the school and was exhilaratingly happy when the day was over so he could go home.

Sasuke knew wasn’t cut out for the job at all. The thought pursued him every day, but finding another job was more difficult than he had predicted.

On Father’s Day, though, Sasuke was in an abnormally good mood, even if it wasn’t perceptible to people around him since his serious expression didn’t change.

Gathering the three classes and keeping them considerably quiet until the parents arrived was easy thanks to Naruto’s loud voice shouting directions everywhere. Even with the mess of fathers barging in through the school entrance and kids running to them in excitement, things went rather smoothly and the two of them managed to keep up with the scheduled activities in an organized way.

Much to Sasuke’s annoyance, though, he noticed how he couldn’t keep his eyes away from the blond as he laughed, played with the kids, and chatted with the students’ parents. 

For the first time, Sasuke wished he could be like that, outgoing and easy to fall into people’s good graces. How he wished he liked dealing with human beings as much as Naruto did.

Sasuke’s negative feelings, however, didn’t last long, because Naruto was just that–a little warm ray of sun that everyone pursued in hopes of feeling good and comfortable, so Sasuke found the corner of his mouth twitching upwards often as Naruto joyfully played football with two of the classes while Sasuke supervised the remaining class’s game of Pictionary, leaning against the silvery fence surrounding the large sports field, currently packed with children, teachers, and parents, all of them occupied with playing some sort of game or immersed in some activity.

It was a sunny day, but the light breeze was a bit chilly, so he crossed his arms over his chest to keep warm.

When Naruto ran up to him and promptly collapsed against the fence making it swing dangerously, Sasuke, who was leaning against it, had to brace himself and steady his feet to not lose his footing. He promptly glared at his beaming colleague.

"'Sup?" Naruto inquired breathlessly, showing off his far too perfect teeth. "You should go play; the dads are all pretty awesome."

"No, thanks," Sasuke dismissed, looking at him sideways. Naruto was fanning himself with a hand as he let his back rest against the fence. His eyes seemed bluer under the late afternoon sun, his messy hair glowing and resembling gold.

"I bet it'd be fun!" Naruto pressed on once he managed to breathe properly, elbowing him. "Bonding with the kids and all that."

"I already bond enough with them as it is."

"You're so cold," the blond teased, using his pointer finger and poking Sasuke’s side playfully. "You don't like teaching, do you?"

"It's a job, and it pays well," Sasuke replied simply, flinching away from the tickling touch. He then checked his watch. "Two more minutes before we have to move on to the next set of activities. You should hurry if you still want to play a bit of Pictionary.”

"Do I sense sarcasm and condescension for my liking of games?" Naruto inquired, grinning. "Or maybe you just miss me because I left you here all alone and brooding."

"You wish," Sasuke snorted. He had wanted to make a face but ended up smirking. "And I don't brood, you silly man."

"Of course not." Naruto was the one sounding condescending now, tilting his head to the side and looking at him curiously, a look Sasuke didn't understand but that he had become used to. "But I'm done playing for the day, anyway. I'm going to keep you company from now on. After all, it's not like we get to hang out like this every day."

Sasuke couldn't see how this could be considered hanging out, but he didn't bother to correct his new friend. 

It felt weird to already be thinking about the other as such, but to his usually very impenetrable heart where Naruto was slowly warming his way in, it made a bit of sense. He appreciated the company since it was boring to supervise activities by himself and not do anything else. And no, he was fine not being involved in any of the games, thank you very much.

000

At the end of the day, Naruto had been unavoidably kidnapped by some of the parents who wanted to talk to him, so Sasuke didn't feel like interrupting just to say goodbye. Still, as he left the school grounds, he was feeling pretty pleased by the calm that followed him instead of the usual distress.

Oddly relaxed, he lit one of his black cigarettes, more out of habit than out of necessity. Just as he was about to shove his earplugs in his ears, ready to enjoy some music, he heard his name being called. 

With his cigarette hanging from his lips, he stopped in his tracks and looked over his shoulder to see Naruto running toward him.

"Damn, you could've waited for me!" the other huffed, pouting slightly as he came to halt in front of him.

"You were busy," Sasuke retorted, after taking the cigarette from his mouth with two fingers and expelling the smoke.

"Well, I wasn't going to be busy forever," Naruto defended, as they resumed walking, side by side. "Are you heading to the train station?"

Vaguely, Sasuke wondered if Naruto had taken a guess or if he had noticed that Sasuke took the train home every day, even though they always went in different directions.

"No, I'm taking the subway today," Sasuke replied absently, adjusting his bag on his shoulder.

"Cool, me too!" Naruto said, flashing him his ever-so-bright smile. "I usually take a different line, but I still have to run a few errands before heading home."

Sasuke's mobile phone vibrated inside his pocket and he fished it out, quickly checking his received messages.

"Are you going to meet someone?" the blond inquired casually.

"Yeah, my wife," Sasuke said, texting his wife back. "She works at the local hospital."

Naruto was silent for a few seconds, during which Sasuke finished his text and shoved his mobile phone back into his pocket. When he took a drag from his cigarette again, he glanced at his companion, who was watching him with a shocked expression. "What?"

"You're kidding, right?" Naruto inquired, in disbelief. "I mean... you're... married ? Like, married-married?"

"Yes, for about a year and a half now," Sasuke replied, finding Naruto's surprise quite amusing as he lifted the hand that was holding his cigarette and turned it so that it was showing the golden ring on his finger that proved his words. "I thought you would've noticed by now."

He could've sworn Naruto had turned a deadly shade of gray before, not even five seconds later, beginning to blush violently. "Well, it's not like I can notice something like that without really looking for it," he mumbled, shoving his hands inside his pockets. "I mean, how old are you?"

"I'll be twenty-five this summer."

"Wow," Naruto said, shaking his head. "We're the same age and I still live with my pervert of a godfather. I suppose you already have your place and all that."

Sasuke chuckled. "Yeah, Karin and I purchased an apartment a few months ago. Since she has a steady job and all that, we were pretty lucky."

"Right." Naruto said simply, apparently at loss for what else to say. Sasuke noticed he had gained a somewhat serious expression, choosing to look straight ahead with a thoughtful frown. He looked oddly older and mature like that.

"Is it that surprising that I’m married?" Sasuke inquired, letting his cigarette fall to the ground and stomping on it before resuming his walk, promptly ignoring his colleague's reproachful look.

"I guess," Naruto admitted, shrugging. "I mean, you're young. But you look like someone very down to earth, so I'm sure you got married and all that knowing exactly what you were doing."

"Of course.."

They made it to the subway entrance and descended the steps toward the underground, immersing themselves in the crowd of people, considering it was rush hour.

Despite Sasuke's protests that it was okay to go ahead, Naruto waited for him to purchase his ticket, even though they would be going in opposite directions. Once Sasuke had his ticket, he put his wallet away inside his bag and stood in front of Naruto, who was now smiling at him and rubbing the back of his head in an almost shy demeanor.

“So,” he started, but his voice became raspy, so he cleared his throat before proceeding. “The other Music teachers and I sometimes hang out at a nearby café after work. They’re cool people. You should hang out with us sometime, okay?”

For a few seconds, Sasuke’s narrowed eyes observed the young man in front of him, wondering why Naruto looked so suddenly uncomfortable when he was always such a joyous, confident person, always ready to invade another person’s personal space. Maybe it was that he was scared Sasuke might give him a snappish reply, or flat out refuse the offer. He also wondered why it made him slightly happy that Naruto’s eyes were so honestly hopeful. 

“I’ll think about it,” Sasuke promised, and even though his tone was nonchalant, Naruto’s eyes lit up and his smile broadened.

“Awesome!” he exclaimed, clearly relieved. “We’ll get together on Thursday since I don’t work tomorrow.” Ah yes, Sasuke thought. He worked five days a week, but Naruto only worked four, and the next day, Wednesday, was his day off. Naruto patted his shoulder in a friendly gesture. “You have over twenty-four hours to think about it, so think hard, yes?”

When Naruto winked at him, Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Whatever, dumbass. I have to go.”

“Ah, yeah, me too!” The hand landed on Sasuke’s shoulder before squeezing it briefly. “See ya, Sasuke!”

While Naruto ran off, quickly getting lost in the crowd, Sasuke watched him disappear, torn between confusion and amusement. He noticed that his shoulder still tingled with the after-feel of the touch he had experienced. 

It was daunting to him that he didn’t mind Naruto’s touch when he was so often displeased by casual touches from people other than his wife or family. 

Did Naruto like him, even though Sasuke had such a sullen, antisocial personality? It would be nice, he thought, to have someone who liked him for who he was other than his looks or his brains.

Sasuke didn't have many friends. The few ones he did have were people he had no idea whatsoever how he had become friends with in the first place, except for his best friend, whom he'd known since he was a child. Even his relationship with Karin (whose personality contrasted hugely with his) had come as a big shock to everybody, including Sasuke himself.

He didn't think he was a bad person; he just had bad social skills. That and people often misinterpreted his moody attitude as antagonism. It was just the way he was. Not that he liked people all that much, anyway.

Still, Naruto seemed to understand his personality, and it made Sasuke feel an unknown but fairly pleasant warm feeling in his stomach. As he went on his way to catch the subway train, he couldn't help but smile.

000

"...and it's weird," Sasuke proceeded, frowning a little at his plate, fingers still holding chopsticks that had frozen in midair where he had left them as he spoke. "I don't think I have ever felt so weirdly comfortable around someone so fast."

His best friend, Neji, had invited him over for dinner since Sasuke's wife was doing the night shift at the hospital, so had felt the impending need to tell someone about his co-worker and what was quickly becoming the easy beginning of a comfortable friendship.

From across the table, Neji set his chopsticks down elegantly and cleaned his mouth with a napkin.

"I think it's good that you found someone you empathize with," he said, in his typical calculating way, reaching out for the bottle of red wine and pouring more of the beverage into his and Sasuke’s glasses. "He seems like a good person, and if you like him, I don't see why you shouldn't give yourself the chance to bond with him." Sasuke cringed a little at Neji’s choice of words, which led him to grab his glass and sip on his wine as Neji proceeded. "After all, apart from a select few, you hate everybody else."

"I guess," the young Uchiha said, before licking his lips thoughtfully. "I don't know him all that well, though. We've only ever spoken about work or frivolous things. It’s only been a little under two weeks since we started getting along."

"Then get to know him," Neji replied calmly. "If he's not worth it, I'm sure you'll catch on to his flaws soon enough, being as picky as you are."

A sudden excitement made Sasuke take another sip of wine, but the feeling was quickly replaced by apprehension.

"I don't want to be disappointed, though," he admitted, frowning. "I always do with people I get to know because they never get me, and I grow bored and it’s tiring."

Neji was silent for a moment, gray eyes that were of such a light shade they seemed almost pearly, fixing Sasuke with sympathy. "I can't tell you what to do," he stated seriously. "But you know how I feel about it. If you don't give yourself the chance to try something new out of fear of getting hurt or disappointed, you might miss out on something good. Remember, I used to be just like you before I met Ino. I just hope you can listen to me for a change and see how this can be a good thing."

Sasuke looked down at his drink, suddenly transfixed by the deep dark color.

Sasuke remembered Neji as a kid, always anti-social and suspicious of others. His strict upbringing forced him to grow up too fast and focus solely on studying and impressing the uncle that had adopted him after his parents’ death. Sasuke had been the one who, at some point during kindergarten, took pity on Neji and wanted to be friends because he had no parents. 

Neji had always been a hard stone to crack, and even he didn’t have many friends until high school when he met his current fiancé, the attractive and energetic Ino, who broadened his horizons and finally made him open up to people. Sasuke couldn’t say that he resented Neji’s new vision of people and life. In a way, the new Neji told him what he needed/wanted to hear at the present moment, even if Sasuke wouldn’t admit it.

Sasuke did need someone from the outside to tell him to give Naruto a chance.

To say that he was tired of being given up on was an understatement. People around him either had this image of what they thought he was and then abandoned him when they noticed that image wasn’t accurate, or they found him to be unapproachable and nonchalant and took his actions in a wrong way. Most people admired him at some point and were drawn to him for his good looks, but then found him to be cold and mistook his collected personality for lack of care. Or maybe it wasn’t a misunderstanding at all and Sasuke genuinely didn’t care, because those people hadn’t interested him, to begin with.

Still, a selfish part of him had wanted them to care enough to fight for him instead of just giving up.

However, Naruto wasn’t like that, Sasuke could tell. Naruto was genuine, every little trait, every gesture, every quirk-everything was his . Maybe, even, his silly desire to be friends with him. Naruto, at least, didn’t seem discouraged by Sasuke’s short replies or occasional insults. Sure, he talked too much and sometimes said stupid things. He also liked to behave immaturely once in a while, and he liked to poke Sasuke a lot, literally and figuratively, which was annoying. 

At the same time, the blond was very human and perceptive. He seemed to understand that Sasuke needed time to adjust to this friendship thing, and still, he never stopped being who he was. Somehow, that made Sasuke’s curiosity about Naruto grow.

Also, Sasuke would be lying if he said that he didn’t enjoy the attention and the prospect of actually getting to know someone after so long.

Sasuke smiled a bit as he put his glass down, feeling considerably more relieved and resolute. He was also surprised at the realization that he genuinely wanted to be friends with Naruto.

“Yeah,” he said simply, offering Neji a small shrug. “I might give it a try, then.”

Neji smiled.

TBC...

Chapter Text

It's Not Fair 

Chapter Three: Flirt With Me – Part I

On Thursday morning, Sasuke woke up looking forward to hanging out with Naruto and his group. It wasn't as if he had ever spoken much to the others, but if Naruto was there, he was sure it would be fine.

He wasn't nervous, more like anxious because he was about to do something that he wasn't used to doing, and getting out of his daily routine was something that both excited and made him fidgety.

Going to work a little bit earlier than usual hadn't been intentional. Sasuke hadn't even felt warm inside when he arrived at the teachers' lounge and Naruto flashed him a surprised but happy grin.

Seriously, that smile of Naruto's was infectious and it made Sasuke feel exasperated and awkward for reasons he couldn't justify.

However, if someone were to question Sasuke about his abnormal early arrival he would say that under no circumstance did he do it so he could have a few minutes to chat with Naruto before work. Nope.

The group was very laid back, and they all seemed more than happy with Sasuke tagging along. 

After those three blissfully uneventful hours of teaching brats, Sasuke and his four co-workers made their way to the establishment of Naruto’s choice. The Music teachers mainly talked among themselves, but it didn't bother Sasuke one bit since it gave him time to observe them individually.

Shikamaru seemed like the most reasonable and smart of them all, even though Genma was the oldest–probably in his late thirties or more. Tenten was as loud as Naruto, and Genma had an air of cockiness and always seemed to have a smart-assed remark up his sleeve. Still, he seemed very down-to-earth. Sasuke was pleasantly surprised and even felt guilty that he had thought badly of them before.

The place was about five minutes by foot from the school. Since the afternoon wasn't exactly cold, they chose a table outside. Even though the place was small, Sasuke could tell that it was popular because inside it was full of customers.

Sasuke sat between Naruto and Genma as the young waitress approached them. They all seemed intent on ordering beer, so Sasuke ordered one for himself, as well, even though it had been a while since he last had one.

He took out his pack of cigarettes and brought one of them to his lips. He then searched his pockets for his lighter only to find it missing.

"Damn it," he muttered, wondering if he might've dropped it somewhere. The sound of the flicker of a lighter made itself heard and Sasuke noticed that there was a small flame in front of him. He looked up to see Naruto holding a lighter, so Sasuke leaned forward and made the tip of his cigarette meet the fire as he inhaled. He didn't show his surprise, expelling the smoke and looking to the side to see Naruto now lighting his cigarette before slamming the lighter carelessly on the table.

"I didn't know you smoked," Sasuke replied matter-of-factly, just as Naruto leaned back on his chair and looked back at him with a small smile.

"Now you know," he said, shrugging. Sasuke watched him for a few seconds, eyebrows disappearing behind his fringe. If he were to be honest with himself, he never would've pegged Naruto for a smoker because he didn't look like the type of person who indulged in such things, so it was a surprise.

Maybe Naruto was just trying to play cool? Shikamaru was smoking as well. For some reason, Sasuke found himself looking for the usual flaws that non-smokers had when they wanted to pretend they smoked, but found none. Naruto knew how to do it properly; the fingers holding the stick were firm and relaxed, devoid of awkwardness, and he had his worn-out pack resting innocently next to Sasuke's.

The four of them were chatting amicably as they waited for the drinks, but Sasuke didn't pay attention to what they were saying because, somehow, he felt a little restless at the sight of Naruto smoking. It wasn't that it annoyed him, and not like he had something against it. He couldn't seem to put his finger on it, but it was something that made him feel strangely uncomfortable.

"I thought you wanted to be a singer," Sasuke pointed out before he could stop himself, making Naruto look back at him. "Smoking can't be good for your voice."

Naruto let out a good-natured laugh. "Come on, lots of singers smoke," he said dismissively. "Besides, I reckon it makes the voice sound sexier."

"Is that so?" Sasuke said, narrowing his eyes.

Naruto beamed. "Of course! Also, it makes a guy look cool. You join a hot rock star with a cigarette and BAM! You've got the ideal idol."

At this point, Sasuke looked unimpressed. " Really ?"

"Come on, don't I look cool?" Naruto inquired, purposefully striking a 'Marlboro' pose that almost made Sasuke snort.

"So you only smoke to look cool?" the Uchiha inquired, harshly flicking his cigarette over the ceramic ashtray the waitress had brought for them to rid it of excessive ash.

Naruto had the decency to look affronted. "No!" he defended, frowning. "I like it, just so you know." He seemed to pout for a few seconds before straightening his back and turning to face Sasuke so quickly that it startled him. "Wait, you just admitted that I look cool with a cigarette!"

"When did I ever say anything like that?" Sasuke retorted, making a face that he hoped was disgusted.

"Aw, come on, admit it!" Naruto teased, now grinning like mad. "Or are you like those homophobe guys who are scared of being misinterpreted if they praise another guy?"

"I'm not such a thing," Sasuke protested, for some reason, feeling his cheeks heat up from both embarrassment and annoyance. "Why would I praise you if you look like a moron?"

"That is so not true and you know it!"

And it wasn't. Sasuke noticed, not without a bit of shock, Naruto did look pretty good holding a cigarette. There was just something about his hands, his pose, and the way his mouth shaped to inhale from the eye-catching stick. Very eye-catching, and that was what was so unnerving to Sasuke.

Not finding the will to reply, Sasuke snorted and looked away, bringing his cigarette to his lips and taking a long, deep drag. The waitress chose that moment to bring their beers, so he keenly grabbed his large mug and took a couple of healthy gulps.

"Naruto, stop annoying him," Shikamaru sighed, rubbing the back of his head with a confused look. "Who cares about how a person looks when they're smoking, anyway?"

"You should care because it's all about the sex appeal!" Naruto said firmly as if it was obvious. "I mean, just look at him!" he pointed at Sasuke with his thumb. "Doesn't he look good? Who wouldn't want to look like that ? If I know I look even a bit like him, I'll be a happy man."

Sasuke chanced a suspicious glance at the blond, feeling thoroughly confused by what he was saying.

"And, knowing you, a very conceited one, as well," Genma joked, before taking a sip of his beer. He smacked his lips appreciatively. "Ah, that hit the spot."

"I say sex appeal is very important!" Naruto insisted, stubbornly. "I mean, if I was as good-looking as duck-butt here, I'd have no problem getting laid whatsoever."

Sasuke almost choked on his tenth gulp of beer but managed to swallow successfully before it went down the wrong way. 

Clearing his throat, he set his mug down, noticing he had already downed half of its content.

Did Naruto just say he was good-looking? That was a weird thing to say about another guy. Then again, Naruto was that kind of person and always spoke his mind where other people would choose to keep to themselves. Still, it made Sasuke's cheeks burn up.

"Whatever you say, man," Genma stated, shrugging. Then, amicably patting Shikamaru on the back, he added "Shika here has none of that. He has the sex appeal of an old, rusty pot."

"Geez, thanks," Shikamaru retorted, looking downcast.

"Are you trying to covertly flirt with Sasuke, Naruto?" Tenten teased, pinching Naruto's ear playfully. "Maybe his good looks are affecting you?"

"How would you know if he's good-looking or not?" Naruto complained, swatting her hand away with a frown. “I thought you didn’t like guys.”

"How would you ?" TenTen pressed on, grinning mischievously as if she knew something no one else did. Sasuke noticed Naruto throwing a bewildered look at her, but she merely waggled her eyebrows at him. “I thought you didn’t, either.”

"Please, I'm not blind," the blond said naturally.

"I'm not the one flirting," Tenten said, in a sing-song way.

"I'm not flirting!" Naruto spat. He looked away from the girl but ended up facing Sasuke instead, only to realize the other man was watching him curiously, so he quickly turned his face so he was looking straight ahead. Sasuke noticed, not without a bit of fascination, that Naruto's cheeks had gained the most interesting shade of pink.

"You've been practically begging for him to compliment you since the conversation started; it's the same thing,” Tenten insisted, very self-pleased that she had managed to ruffle Naruto’s feathers.

"Tenten!"

"You do look good smoking, and you are good-looking," Sasuke eventually said, more to end the conversation than for any other particular reason.  Sasuke had no idea what led him to say such a thing, but it effectively silenced his two loud co-workers, which was a great feat since the conversation was becoming pretty uncomfortable. "Now can we please change the fucking subject?"

Well, it served its purpose, but now, the group was looking at him, all four of them wearing identical expressions of astonishment.

A few seconds of awed silence passed before Genma spoke, almost solemnly. "The boy's got a dirty mouth," he said, still eyeing Sasuke with disbelief. "I wasn't expecting that."

"Holy shit," Naruto muttered, his eyes wide as he stared at Sasuke in bewilderment. "You can swear!"

"Of course, I can swear," Sasuke mumbled with a frown, putting out his half-smoked cigarette on the ashtray.

"Fuck yeah!" Tenten exclaimed joyfully, waving her mug in the air and spilling a bit of beer on the table. "I'm so fucking happy I can say whatever curse words I fucking want! I say we make a fucking toast to that!" She got up and extended her mug to Sasuke, who merely smiled a bit and picked up his mug before making it collide carefully with hers. "Welcome to the fucking club, Sasuke!"

They both took a sip of their beers as Shikamaru groaned. "Great, now we're back to listening to the word 'fuck' one thousand times a day."

The girl sat back down, sticking her tongue out to him. "You say 'fuck', too; you just like to act like you're so smart and civilized, but I know you! Come on, say 'fuck you'!"

Sasuke felt his smile broadening when Genma snorted and Shikamaru rolled his eyes, saying "Fuck, no, you crazy woman."

Tenten burst out laughing. Naruto chuckled.

Thankfully, the mood lightened considerably as the other four Music teachers argued with each other about curse words and fake morals. Listening to them for a while almost distracted Sasuke from the weirdness of the previous conversation, but then he felt an odd sensation all over his body like some invisible force was weighing him down and he looked to the side to see that, unlike before, Naruto was now observing him openly. 

That strange, curious but serious look made his eyes seem brighter in the setting sun's light. Naruto brought his cigarette to his lips, inhaling without looking away, and Sasuke wordlessly found his eyes drawn to the action like a magnet. There was no reasonable explanation as to why he felt that way, but the fascination made him feel both uneasy and relaxed. How that was possible he had no idea, but something in the back of his mind told him that he liked watching Naruto's demeanor.

And Naruto had said he was good-looking. Was that even supposed to make him feel happy?

And I said that he was good-looking, too. Why did I even say something like that about another guy?

Frowning, Sasuke felt his breath catch when Naruto's lips parted so he could expel the smoke from his lungs and, once again, Sasuke found himself a bit mesmerized by the action. He felt his hands clench over his lap as his eyes traveled upwards, to Naruto's intense ones.

Naruto was attractive, now that Sasuke considered it. His features were defined and showed honesty and openness. Those big eyes of his were of the deepest sapphire blue Sasuke had ever seen, and his smile was contagious. His golden hair looked like it had never seen a comb, but it suited him, giving him a rebellious look that made him even more approachable if that was even possible. He was also well built; gesticulated a lot, made lots of different (and interesting) expressions and his voice had so many different tones it was baffling.

Right now, he looked almost calculating, and it made him look mature and nonchalantly seductive, even.

Seductive?

Sasuke didn't even understand why he was observing Naruto in such a meticulous way, and it confused him. Why Naruto would look at him like that unless it was purposeful was also something that he couldn’t grasp. Or, maybe, Naruto was unaware of himself, and Sasuke, not being all that used to him, was misinterpreting it.

Now that Sasuke considered it, Naruto looked pretty heterosexual. He sometimes mentioned previous girlfriends, too, so maybe it was just his unusual openness that felt weird to an antisocial person like Sasuke.

Still, it was a bit intimidating but interesting at the same time.

Why would it make Sasuke blush, he had no clue, so he decided that fishing out his mobile phone and entertaining himself might just be a good idea. Just as he was pushing all thoughts of Naruto aside and had started a game, he felt his co-worker lean over him. It wasn't normal the way Sasuke's heart skipped a beat at the proximity, but then again, Naruto's lips were almost making contact with his ear, breathing gently over his skin.

"I'm glad you have a dirty mouth on you..." the blond whispered, in a way that indicated he was smirking. "It suits you."

Sasuke forced himself to keep calm. He usually knew how to measure his words, but once in a while, his temper took over him and he tended to be snappish. It wasn't that he was annoyed, he just didn't like not understanding exactly what was going on and when, or why, the atmosphere had suddenly changed between them because of some stupid topic.

"Shut up, idiot, or I'll start thinking you are flirting with me," he snapped back in an equally low voice, not looking away from his game.

Naruto chuckled in his ear, still abnormally close, and Sasuke had to try his very best not to shiver. "So what if I am?"

Sasuke's head turned to the side so quickly that his nose almost bumped into Naruto's. For a few seconds, Sasuke was a bit overwhelmed by how close their faces were, but then he noticed Naruto's eyes were amused and his defiance didn't allow him to move away. He promptly ignored the distinct part of his brain that kept flashing red warning lights everywhere.

" Are you ?" he inquired back, firmly but still slowly, so that only Naruto heard.

More than he could see, he could sense Naruto's smirk becoming nastier.

"You got a problem with that?" was Naruto’s retort, and it made Sasuke's heart beat slightly faster as an impending wave of irritation rushed through him. And then, he realized it wasn't irritation at all: it was excitement.

"That depends on whether you're serious or not," Sasuke countered.

"Huh," Naruto mumbled thoughtfully, eyes trying to read Sasuke's. "It doesn't matter, does it?" The blond leaned away considerably, his smile becoming softer now, all traces of that intense alluring aura dissipating. He offered Sasuke a teasing but playful wink. "After all, Uchiha-san is a respectable married man. To me, you could never be more than a beloved brother."

There were so many things wrong with that sentence Sasuke didn't even know where to start-

"Right," he said dully, just as Naruto smashed what was left of his cigarette on the ashtray. When the blond looked at him again, he was already grinning brightly.

"Don't look so serious, dude, I'm just messing with you!" he said, punching Sasuke's arm lightly. "Live a little, will you?"

For some reason, Sasuke was upset. With what, he didn't know, but he found it immensely difficult to return his friend's easy smile. Naruto seemed to notice this, because he finally took a few gulps of his beer before fishing out his mobile phone, saying "Gimme your phone number! That way we can text each other so we can get together even outside of work."

"… Sure…"

They exchanged phone numbers, and then Naruto got involved in his colleagues' conversation, which now was about an upcoming festival Genma would be participating in, since he was a guitar player for some amateur band. Sasuke didn't pay much attention to it, only offering a couple of words just to not be left out, and also because he wanted Naruto to see that he was making an effort at socializing.

However, he felt disgusted at himself at the amount of effort it took not to glance at the blond more often than what should be acceptable. Sasuke also found it extremely hard to tune out Naruto's words, even if he did say he was just 'messing around'.

Maybe Sasuke wasn't supposed to feel slightly offended. Maybe he wasn't supposed to feel disheartened. He knew some men made queer jokes with each other for fun, but Sasuke wasn't exactly the kind of person who understood why anyone would joke about such things in the first place if there was no emotional or physical reason behind it. No one simply flirted because they felt like it, without feeling or second thoughts. Or maybe it was Sasuke who was way too serious to take such things lightly.

When Naruto asked him to see what kind of music he had on his phone, Sasuke lent it to him and they checked the bands, singers, and albums together as if nothing had happened. Knowing that Naruto loved most of the bands he loved, made Sasuke feel content for some reason as his previous frustration diminished.

Was Sasuke being closed-minded? He had to stop being silly and simply enjoy the other man's company-which he did, immensely so. He even enjoyed the way their arms were pressed against each other after Naruto had moved his chair closer so they could listen to some music.

There was nothing wrong with that. So what if he and Naruto got along and Naruto liked to tease him? Besides, Naruto was a guy. The first guy Sasuke had ever found attractive, but a guy nonetheless. Naruto was probably bisexual, but such things didn't matter to Sasuke. As long as Naruto kept his distance it was all good. Sexual distance, that is. If he behaved, Sasuke was fine with them being close like they were at that moment.

So, maybe those little games had only served to upset Sasuke and make him more curious about Naruto.

And there was absolutely nothing wrong with that. Two people were supposed to want to know about each other if they wanted to become friends, right?

Right.

And there was nothing wrong with that. And that little detail about Sasuke admitting him to be good-looking? No big deal. 

One day at a time with Naruto, Sasuke decided. That was the safest option for him, and if he felt that if he didn't follow it, he might become overwhelmed.

TBC…

Chapter Text

It’s Not Fair

Chapter Four: Flirt With Me – Part II

After the successful bonding with Naruto’s fellow Music teachers, the blond kept pestering Sasuke about how they should go out, just the two of them, to hang out and get to know each other better. Sasuke thought it was a good idea since he didn’t have much to do when he wasn’t working, and frankly, he had yet to spend more than ten minutes alone with his new friend so they could talk to each other properly.

However, two weeks had passed before the two finally managed to have some time to do the aforementioned hanging out. Sasuke didn't like going out when Karin had a day off because he worked during the week and had the weekend off while she rarely had days off during that time, considering she worked in shifts. They rarely had a whole day together, and to make up for it, Sasuke tried his best to always be present when she was home unless it was unavoidable.

Sasuke had joined his fellow teachers after work frequently after that first time, finding that he enjoyed being around them, even when they talked about mundane things, or chose topics he had no clue about–it made him feel like he somehow belonged, and they treated him like one of them.

The other teachers seemed to look at the group of five and think of them as a bunch of eccentric weirdos, Sasuke knew, the only exception being, maybe, Naruto, but that was only because he managed to make everybody love him.

Finally, on a Tuesday afternoon, Sasuke found himself catching the packed subway next to an ecstatic Naruto as they made their way to wherever it was that his friend was taking them. They ended up at some kind of fancy beer parlor that looked very rustic, all decorated in tones of brown and gold. It reminded Sasuke of a pub, but a very nice, refined, and expensive one. The blond had said he’d pay for everything despite Sasuke’s protests, but he was already starting to feel guilty about agreeing because, surely, Naruto’s wallet would weep for weeks after that.

They sat on a high leathered stool at an equally high wooden table in a corner near the bar. They settled in before Naruto went to get them the much-acclaimed beers (he had been praising the place ever since they made their way there) while Sasuke appreciated his surroundings. Tracy Chapman's voice could be heard in the background, and Sasuke found it appropriate and welcoming.

Not even five minutes later, Naruto arrived with two large clay cups of beer. After setting them down, he left again only to return carrying a small plate of lupines in one hand, and a plate of several differently seasoned peanuts in the other.

The blue-eyed man seemed particularly smug when Sasuke admitted he was impressed.

The two chatted casually as they ate and drank. They talked about everything, and the topics kept changing as fast as the speed of light, which was, in Sasuke’s point of view, quite impressive because most people usually ran out of things to talk about at some point. Naruto, however, always had something to say and questions to ask, it seemed.

Sasuke got to know a lot of things he didn’t know about his new friend, as well. For example, how Naruto was an orphan and how he’d had a tough childhood because of it since he had spent most of it in foster care before his godfather (Naruto’s father’s mentor) could afford to adopt him. Jiraiya, Naruto had said, was a good man, but enjoyed an extravagant life, spending money on women and booze. Jiraiya’s best friend, Tsunade (and Naruto’s godmother) suffered from similar issues, minus the women part, but she had quite a liking for gambling. 

Thanks to a miracle, the two eventually found a way to win his guardianship when he was twelve, and both dedicated their lives to taking care of him from then on.

Naruto spoke about them fondly and wasn’t sad about his childhood before being under their care, but he seemed eager to know about Sasuke’s family as well, so Sasuke indulged him by telling him about his parents and his older brother, Itachi, who worked abroad and whom he rarely saw these days. 

Naruto seemed to understand the sudden heavy mood that settled between them after that, so he effectively changed the topic and they started talking about their plans for the summer.

Two hours, three beers each and several snacks, Sasuke felt considerably more relaxed than he had in a long time, and even his tongue seemed to have loosened considerably. Of course, that might’ve been due to the fact that their legs kept touching accidentally (or not) under the table and they kept kicking each other gently. Sasuke couldn’t remember being playful with his closest friends this way. He tried to remember a time when he had done something like this and his mind immediately replayed a scene where he and Neji had been sixteen and had ‘playfully’ kicked each other so hard they had bruises for weeks. As for Sakura, she was currently way over her crush on him, but back then he would have never attempted such a feat as leg touching or she might have the wrong impression. Even today, Sasuke thought, with a mental snort, he wouldn't dare in fear that she’d revert to her older self and rekindle her crush.

Nevertheless, Sasuke didn’t feel uncomfortable at all with the affair his and Naruto’s legs were having under the table, and that should’ve freaked him out, even if just a little bit. 

a long time had passed since he’d last had this much alcohol in such a short time, so it seemed appropriate that he’d blame it on the beer.

"So, are you gay?" Sasuke ended up asking bravely at some point, munching on some chips Naruto had brought a few minutes previously. "Or bi? Something else?"

"What if I am?" Naruto countered, grinning as he reached out between them to grab some roasted peanuts with honey. "What gave you that impression?"

"It's not a big deal; I'm just curious,” Sasuke replied honestly, shrugging even though he found his eyes glued to Naruto’s expression in search of something that gave the man’s thoughts away. "You mentioned you had girlfriends, but you look like someone who is very open-minded."

Naruto barked out a laugh and shook his head, amused..

"I'm straight," he said simply, chewing on his peanuts. "I mean, it's not like I've ever really been in a situation where I had to wonder about my preferences, you know?" Picking up a napkin, he wiped his hands, offering Sasuke a lopsided smirk that was also slightly strained. "But I guess I kind of value love over what's supposed to be right or wrong. I haven’t been very lucky so far, so I suppose I can’t be picky."

Sasuke curled an eyebrow upwards, noticing the subtle change of mood.

"I suppose," he agreed, clapping his hands to get some salt off them. “Why cut your chances in half when you can have the whole world to choose from, right?”

Naruto chuckled. “Something like that,” he agreed. "I say this because lately, I've been thinking that, if I were to find someone that matches me perfectly, I wouldn't mind if it was a guy at all. It wouldn't bother me." Naruto placed his elbow on the table and rested his cheek on his closed fist, looking at Sasuke solemnly. "To be honest, there are many things that can be more troublesome than that."

"Like what?" Sasuke asked, in all innocence, but the answer that followed was far from what he had expected to hear.

"Like the person being committed," Naruto blurted out. It wasn’t like he had, at first glance, meant anything by it, but somehow, Sasuke felt that impending tension that had become familiar to them starting to build up as a nagging feeling that the sentence was directed at him took over him. Why that would be he had no idea. But then, Naruto blushed as if realizing he had said something inappropriate and added "Among other things.”

They eyed each other for a few seconds. Naruto’s eyes seemed to be glued to Sasuke’s, that deep blush still painting his cheeks and he was now biting his lower lip. He didn’t seem uncomfortable, but Sasuke couldn’t read his expression, which was strange considering Naruto wore his emotions on his sleeve.

Sasuke, for his part, was finding the tension rather entertaining. Already used to Naruto’s teasing, Sasuke had accepted that the subdued flirting seemed to be a constant. He reckoned it was a part of Naruto’s personality that he only showed to people he was comfortable with, thus had started to not think too much of it. Sometimes, he even played along. 

He would be lying if he said it didn’t give him a certain rush, or that Naruto’s reactions didn’t please him immensely.

Sasuke reached for his pack of cigarettes and took one out before offering one to Naruto, who silently helped himself. They had gained the habit of lighting each other’s cigarettes, and this was Sasuke’s turn, it seemed, so he moved to light Naruto’s (since the round table was relatively small) bringing the flame close to the tip. Naruto grabbed his wrist to unnecessarily steady it and inhaled. Sasuke enjoyed the contact, and he found some secret fascination in how oddly intimate the action was between them. 

It was rare for him to feel this physically comfortable with another person, yet he had come to enjoy it.

Once he was done, Naruto released him so Sasuke could light his cigarette.

“How about you?” Naruto replied, now in a more casual tone. “You're married to a woman, so I take it you're straight?"

"Sure," Sasuke confirmed, resting his elbows on the edge of the table, returning the firm look the other was giving him. "I mean, like you, I never really had to confront my sexuality, but I always dated girls. Although, if I have to be honest, I only started dating at 17. Up until that point, no one had interested me like that. My brother suggested that I might be asexual, and I honestly believed he was right."

Naruto seemed immensely interested. "So, what changed?" he asked.

"I forced myself to initiate my sexual life," Sasuke answered, scoffing at the memory. "I thought that it would change if I understood the appeal of sex and of being intimate with another person." At his friend’s surprised expression, he proceeded. "It sort of worked, but I was always difficult to please. I always had girls fawning all over me, but it was hard for me to get involved without feelings. It's hard for me to get attached, even today. Once in a while, someone out of this world manages to make a difference, but it's a rare occurrence."

A contemplative silence seemed to settle between them, and Naruto seemed to have yet to want to let go of that solemn mood he had immersed himself in.

"Your heart doesn’t have room for a lot of people," he said after a while, nodding in understanding. "There's nothing wrong with that; it only means that you'll cherish more the people you do like.” He exhaled a bit of smoke before pressing his right hand to the left side of his chest. " This heart has room for everybody, which sucks. It sometimes has room even for people who don't have a place for me . Know what I mean?"

Sasuke shook his head. It was unthinkable to him that someone like Naruto could feel so underloved when he seemed to reach everybody’s hearts so easily when he was such a bright existence and such a good person.

"I'm sure everybody has a place for someone like you," Sasuke replied carefully, offering the blond a small smile. "Maybe not the kind of place you want, though."

Naruto smiled back

"You are capable of saying nice things once in a while," he said, smashing the rest of his cigarette on the silvery ashtray. Sasuke couldn’t help but notice that he spent more time holding his cigarettes than actively smoking them. "I’m going to take a trip to the men’s room and then I’ll get us another beer!"

Sasuke watched him get up and head towards the restrooms with quick steps.

Heaving a deep sigh, Sasuke made a face. Even if he didn’t want to acknowledge it, there was something different between them, and even if the newfound atmosphere that was sometimes interesting, he couldn’t deny that, exciting as it may be, it was also intimidating and dangerous.

What the hell was he doing, saying things to Naruto he had never thought about saying to anyone else? Maybe this teasing thing was a bit too much. They were both guys, after all, they probably shouldn’t feel this comfortable around each other, least of all act upon it.

Everything was starting to feel like serious flirting.

Yet, there had to be something wrong with him, because he knew he wasn’t supposed to enjoy any of this on such an intimate level, but the more time passed, the more he felt drawn to Naruto, and the more he wanted to test the waters. For what, he wasn’t sure. All of this was completely new to him – his reactions were new to him, this type of excitement, too.

He had never interacted with another person quite like this (not even Karin), so he didn’t know what to expect; from himself, and Naruto. 

All the people he knew were so different from Naruto. Even Karin, who had a strong personality and was very straightforward, had chosen a more subdued approach when they met.

For certain, some boundaries needed to be established. Sasuke knew this well, but he felt stuck. His consciousness said one thing, but his body said something completely different.

What boundaries could he establish when he didn’t even know what was going on between them? There was a chance that he was just drunk and misinterpreting the whole thing on both sides.

By the time Naruto returned with yet another large cup of beer (the last one he’d have, Sasuke swore to himself), Sasuke had finished his cigarette and the blond seemed to have reversed to his usual jolly mode. 

Politely removing all their empty plates and cups from the table, Naruto carried them to the bar, surprising the bartender, who thanked him. It was a good thing that they now had more space to move their arms and hands.

"This is a good beer," Sasuke mused absently, after taking a large appreciative gulp of the now familiar beverage.

"Told you so!" Naruto said proudly before crossing his arms and resting them on the table, leaning in a bit. His leg bumped into Sasuke’s gently again, causing him to shift slightly, not exactly to move away from the touch, but to be more in contact. "So, if I buy you enough of these, you think I can turn into someone out of this world in your eyes?"

What had Sasuke been thinking about not giving in to the teasing, again?

If this was the moment when boundaries should be established, Sasuke completely let it slip.

"Probably if I'm drunk enough," he ended up saying, smirking mischievously and causing Naruto to huff in false offense.

"I take back what I said; you only say mean things!" he accused dramatically. "You just crushed my ego to pieces!"

"Don't be an idiot,” the Uchiha retorted, rolling his eyes at him. "Besides, I'm here. Do I look like someone who'd bother if I didn't enjoy your company?"

Well, alcohol didn’t help keep his mouth shut, it seemed. When the hell had his brain thought it was a good idea to make him speak his mind so bluntly?

"Well, I'm glad," Naruto replied, smiling softly at hearing it. "I enjoy your company as well; I think that’s pretty obvious.” Biting his lip, he added, “I hope we can be good friends in the future."

Sasuke couldn’t return the smile for some reason, but still said "Me too."

There, that strange, unidentified tension had just become thicker. Sasuke was kind of used to it by now, so it wasn’t exactly awkward, but it did feel strange in a personal way, especially because the easy conversation from before seemed to cease entirely.

 They stared at each other, Naruto’s blue eyes roaming over Sasuke’s features as he so often did, Sasuke trying to understand why that open expression of his made his chest constrict, or why it seemed so normal to look so closely into another person’s eyes for so long without wanting to look away.

Suddenly, the blond uncrossed his arms and extended his right hand to Sasuke over the table, turning his opened palm upwards.

"Give me your hand,” he requested in such a casual, polite way that Sasuke was taken aback..

"What for?" Sasuke inquired, eyeing said hand as if it could blow up in his face.

"Just give it to me."

Sasuke obeyed rather quickly despite his initial reluctance and placed his left hand over Naruto’s. Rough fingers closed around his carefully. Looking down, Sasuke’s dark eyes watched as Naruto’s thumb brushed over the back of his hand. The contact was soothing and almost experimental, and the feel made Sasuke’s heart skip a pleasant beat. Then, said thumb moved to his fingers, brushing over each of them lightly before stopping at Sasuke’s golden wedding ring. A little bewildered, he watched as Naruto made the ring spin around his finger.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Sasuke knew that this little interaction was supposed to be weird. Surely, people around them found it weird, but he had no strength to break the contact.

“I’m sorry if my hand is a bit sweaty,” Naruto apologized with a small chuckle.

“It’s okay,” Sasuke replied absently, still looking down at their joined hands, mildly enticed by how tanner his friend’s skin was compared to his. His fingers twitched slightly at the contact as if his nerves were on edge just because of it.

"You have gorgeous hands,” Naruto said calmly, now going back to absently rubbing the rest of Sasuke’s fingers. “The hands of an artist, really, with long and slender fingers. I chew on my nails, so mine are disgusting."

Sasuke frowned. Automatically, his hand moved so his fingers were wrapping around Naruto’s hand. Turning them over so that Naruto’s was on top, he stretched his fingers out and gently ran them over the palm underneath, forcing Naruto’s fingers to stretch out. 

Sasuke observed the hand for a while. It wasn’t bigger than his, just a bit wider and with thicker fingers. The man’s hand was rough and strong, but the nails weren’t ugly and chewed like he had expected them to be. They were quite nice, actually, short but round. 

Naruto had nice hands. Why Sasuke hadn’t noticed it before was kind of baffling.

"They aren't disgusting," Sasuke muttered truthfully, now rubbing his palm against Naruto’s a little tensely. "You do have nice hands."

"Thanks."

Slowly but firmly, Naruto made his palm slide over Sasuke’s in response until their fingers were touching. His fingers teased Sasuke’s, playing with them and Sasuke couldn’t help but play along, simply because it felt good, and most of all, prodigiously natural.

"I like your hands," the blond said straightforwardly, lightly scratching Sasuke’s fingertips and causing a pleasant chill to run up his arm. "I like the way they feel."

Sasuke didn’t answer. There was a distinct feeling that he was missing something important from that scene. Somehow, he knew he shouldn’t be doing this, innocent as it may seem, and, most of all, he should not be enjoying it.

The unmistakable truth was, he did enjoy it.. His head was pleasantly light and he was relaxed now, comfortable even, and Naruto’s hand fit his just right. He liked the feeling of his skin brushing against his friend’s, and there should be nothing wrong with it. 

But there was, he knew it, and yet, when Naruto intertwined their fingers, there was nothing Sasuke wanted to do about it.

How drunk am I?

His eyes roamed upwards to finally meet the man in front of him, only to find Naruto looking at him placidly but intensely.

Seriously, how blue can a person’s eyes be?

Parting his Sasuke felt like he wanted to say something, but he promptly closed his mouth at seeing the other’s expression.

Naruto wet his lips. Sasuke’s breath got caught in his lungs.

"Is this weird?" Naruto suddenly asked in a whisper, squeezing his fingers a bit. If he was talking about the amazing fact that they were holding hands or about that impeding, electrifying mood, Sasuke didn’t know. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to.

"I’m not sure,” he answered sincerely, squeezing Naruto’s fingers back.

Naruto smiled weakly.

TBC…

Chapter Text

It’s Not Fair

Chapter Five: Flirt With Me – Part III

"I've never been here at this time of the day," Sasuke observed lazily, with his hands inside the pockets of his jacket as he and Naruto strolled side by side through the local park. "It's nice."

"I know, right?" Naruto said, stretching his arms over his head and breathing deeply in the perfumed night air. With his hands linked behind his head, he offered Sasuke a goofy smile. "You have to admit, this kind of feels like a date."

Sasuke couldn't help but snort, smirking. "Shows how much you need affection if you want to call getting drunk a date."

"I'm not drunk!" the blond defended, laughing. "Well, maybe just a little . But I can walk just fine, and so can you. We're good."

"Yes, because I'm just a little drunk, as well," Sasuke agreed. Although, if he were, to be honest with himself, he couldn't remember a time when he had felt so unbalanced and lightheaded, he was proud of himself for being able to keep his composure and, yes, walk a straight line, even if it took a lot of effort on his part.

They were reaching the large central lake and, for a moment, Sasuke enjoyed the reflection of the streetlamps over the water from a distance. The view dulled a bit as they got closer, but it was still a rather peaceful scenario, especially since it was so quiet.

"Let's sit over there," Naruto said, gesturing towards a green iron bench right in front of the lake. Even though they had spent most of the time sitting down, Sasuke was thankful for the suggestion because he felt like he seriously needed to rest and properly enjoy some fresh air if he wanted to be able to get home sober enough.

They both slumped down gracelessly on the bench despite Sasuke's failed attempt to be a little more elegant about it. As soon as his rear met the cold surface, he leaned back, only then noticing just how tired but satisfied he felt. It seemed like it had been far too long since he had managed to just chill out and not worry about a thing. And it had been a while since he had last seen the night sky so clear and starry. It was almost like a fantasy movie, Sasuke mused, where everything looked more beautiful than in real life. The earthy scents around him also helped him to feel like he was in another dimension altogether.

"Ah, this feels awesome," Naruto said after a long sigh, coincidentally voicing Sasuke's thoughts and leaning back as well while casually stretching his arm along the back of the bench, behind Sasuke. "I haven't felt this carefree in a while."

"I wouldn't have guessed," Sasuke retorted sarcastically.

"Bastard," the blond muttered affectionately, looking at him. Then, he turned to Sasuke suddenly, tucking a leg under himself, and leaned a bit closer. "Hey, Sasuke. What are your plans for the future?"

"I haven't thought that far ahead yet," the dark-haired one said as he ran a hand through his hair. "I tend to only think about the right now. But I guess I'd like to find another job, one where I feel happier, I suppose."

Naruto stuck his bottom lip out. "And you'd leave me all alone?"

"You did fine without me before you even knew I existed," Sasuke pointed out, tilting his head to the side and raising an unimpressed eyebrow at him.

"Yeah, but it's different now," Naruto replied, sincerely.

"How so?"

At that, Naruto only shrugged and didn’t reply. "What else?" he asked instead.

"I supposed I'd like to travel." Sasuke leaned his head back so he could gaze at the dark sky above. "Maybe move to another country and find a good job there?"

"What, you don't want kids?" Naruto inquired, giving him a lopsided grin.

"Not anytime soon, no," Sasuke replied, with emphasis. "We're still too young and I'm probably at a stage where I'm still too selfish to be a parent. There's a lot I want to do before taking such a step."

"Yeah, I can understand that," the blond muttered, with a small nod.

"What about you?" Sasuke asked, turning his face to the other male with curiosity. "Any plans for the future?"

"Well, I'd like to have my band someday and become famous," Naruto said, quietly but casually. 

Sasuke felt something tickling the back of his head and realized his friend was touching his hair. The action was simple and cautious, just a brush of fingers through the strands, but for the life of him, Sasuke couldn't understand why Naruto would do it. Then again, there had been no apparent reason for them to have held hands either, so Sasuke merely watched the other's face closely and allowed the ministration in silence.

"I also want to fall in love,” Naruto proceeded in a whisper. “I haven't been very lucky, so far, as I already told you. I think I'm kind of misunderstood no matter who I'm with."

With narrowed eyes, Sasuke watched Naruto's unfaltering ones as cold fingers began traveling lower until the tips were brushing the back of his neck. Sasuke repressed a shudder at how pleasurable it felt, instead staring into Naruto's bright eyes, the ones that seemed to be watching his every move almost as if wanting to absorb his image, and it never ceased to amaze Sasuke just how much he enjoyed simply looking back and creating an atmosphere that was just theirs, so unlike anything else he had ever experienced.

Okay, so maybe this was a bit weird, Sasuke thought at some point. It was also weird that he was enjoying being touched like that.

"I sometimes wonder if I've ever been truly in love with someone," Naruto proceeded, for some unknown reason sliding closer. "Or if I've been dating people so I don't feel lonely."

"Somehow you don't seem like the kind of person capable of being intimate with someone you don't have feelings for," Sasuke said, his voice quivering ever so slightly as he realized they were somehow far too close for comfort. So close that Naruto's chest was pressed against his arm. 

He hadn't even realized it as it happened, but they found themselves with their mouths mere inches away from each other. Sasuke could feel Naruto's warm breath ghosting over his lips.

"I guess you're right," Naruto acknowledged, and when he nodded, the tip of his nose brushed Sasuke's.

The proximity made Sasuke's muscles clench. The air felt thick with something akin to electricity. When Naruto's fingers dared to caress the skin underneath the collar of his sweater, Sasuke couldn't help but feel excited, because, as a man, this was all very new to him. It made his head feel fuzzy, and Naruto's natural, not-so-subtle move on him was oddly arousing.

Move? Naruto was making a move on him?

Wait... he's trying to seduce me, isn't he?

The thought created a wave of both lust and panic to rush through Sasuke as his heart sped up.

"It's so weird," Naruto mused, barely whispering, and their mouths were so dangerously close that one false move and something bad would happen. "We barely know each other, but I feel like I've known you my entire life. And we're two, very different people, but I know we understand each other." Sasuke's breath got caught in his throat as Naruto moved his hand again, now to the curve of his neck, his thumb coming up to caress Sasuke's jaw. "I wish I had met you years ago. Still, I'm glad I met you now rather than never. I never thought I'd like someone this much."

This was when Sasuke realized exactly what was wrong with that picture. Naruto wasn't moving anymore, his hand stilling as if fearing that he might scare him away. And just like that, he understood the situation he was in and that the other man was giving him a choice: to lean forward and close the distance between them or move away. 

The options were simple, yet the question was: what did Sasuke want to do? 

Naruto’s desires, on the other hand, had become perfectly clear.

Swallowing hard, Sasuke blinked a few times, feeling his mouth water unexpectedly. It wasn’t as if he had ever considered something like this, and yet, he found that all he could think about was how good Naruto's hand felt on his skin and the wonderful way he smelled. 

Sasuke’s heart clenched in anticipation. The tension was exhilarating and pushed him towards the other man like an untamed force. He felt things he had never felt before.

Did he want to do it?

There was heat radiating from Naruto's mouth; it was more than inviting, and Sasuke understood that, yes, he did want it as he had never wanted anything in his life. His brain was too confused so he couldn't find a reasonable explanation for it, but he didn't want to, anyway.

Realizing this felt to Sasuke as if frozen water had been dropped all over him.

Wait, what?

There was a newfound weight on his knee, and as he realized it was Naruto's other hand, he swallowed again, feeling feverish.

He did want to kiss Naruto, didn't he? he thought, torn between fear, eagerness, and anxiety. That's what he wanted to do, right? Those strong feelings towards his friend, the impulse to let go and do it without thinking about anything else. 

He felt Naruto licking his lips, and the action caused his tongue to brush ever so lightly over Sasuke's bottom lip for the briefest second before retracting, making Sasuke release a small moan. There was no doubt in his mind about it; he wanted it badly. He wasn't sure where that need had come from, but it existed, it was real and helpless as it made him feel, there was nothing he could do about it.

You can still back out.

The sudden pull Naruto had on him was powerful, and Sasuke wasn't sure if he'd react the same way had he been sober, but right now, everything seemed pretty irresistible. That was all he could focus on.

This is not something you're supposed to do!

His body seemed intent on ignoring his consciousness altogether because he had already twisted his body so he was facing Naruto.

Vaguely, he acknowledged that the pull was, in fact, attraction , but that was as far as his mind dared to go and he didn't want to think about anything else.

He was aware of Naruto whispering his name as Sasuke's hand moved on its own so it was now cupping the other’s cheek, caressing it and making Naruto sigh sweetly. That kind of reaction gave Sasuke a sense of thrill. 

Fuck, he really couldn't stop himself even if he wanted to. The only reason why he hadn't acted before was that some twisted part of him was thoroughly enjoying the tension way too much.

Placing his free hand over Naruto's on his knee, Sasuke parted his lips, sensing the other doing the same, and leaned in just a tiny bit, slowly, knowing that there wasn't all that much space left for them to fill, knowing that it would take less than a second for his muscles to unclench and for that impending thirst to be quelled.

Naruto held his breath in anticipation just as Sasuke finally managed to brush his opened lips, barely touching them.

Suddenly, something vibrated in his pocket before 'Don't Stop by Fleetwood Mac filled the air, startling both.

It felt like being punched in the face and not knowing why, only for Sasuke it was the moment when he truly realized what he had been about to do, causing his world of blissful oblivion to shatter all around him, like waking up from a dream to a nightmarish reality.

As if electrocuted, Sasuke jumped out of his seat, stumbling a bit because of the dizzying adrenaline he was still experiencing as he clumsily removed his mobile phone from his pocket. His back was to Naruto as he picked up the call, his heart hammering so strongly inside his chest it made him feel sick.

"Yes?"

Recognizing Karin's voice made his stomach churn unpleasantly. He brought a slightly shaky hand to his mouth, barely registering what his wife was saying to him, his brain completely shaken with the shock of what he had almost done.

He had been just about to kiss Naruto... he almost kissed him. What the hell was he thinking?

"Yeah... no, I'm still with Naruto," he replied, trying his best to keep his voice as casual as possible even though it seemed so wrong to speak the other male's name out loud. "Everything's great."

He wasn't even listening to what was being said to him, but his brain just seemed very efficient in understanding the words and making him reply accordingly.

"No, I just had a few beers, but I'm fine."

He looked over his shoulder to see that Naruto hadn't moved from his position, only now he seemed to be looking at the available seat Sasuke had previously occupied as if bewildered and, to Sasuke's despair, mortified. Upon seeing it, Sasuke was violently assaulted by a wave of anguishing longing as his body chose to deeply resent the lack of Naruto's presence invading his personal space, touching his neck, the comforting weight of his hand on his knee…

Sasuke felt a painful pang in his heart and looked away, to the lake, his fingers touching his lips now where, strangely, he could still feel the feathery brush of Naruto’s.

"Sure, I will," he replied, closing his eyes and trying to steady his quick breathing. "You too. I'll text you as soon as I get home. Take care."

Hanging up, Sasuke let the hand holding his mobile phone fall limply at his side. 

Only then did he realize that it was deadly quiet. No sound could be heard apart from the rustling of trees as the gentle nightly breeze blew.

What now? There was no way such a situation could be mistaken for something else. How was he supposed to face Naruto? What was he supposed to do, to say, when all he wanted to do was run and never look back, and simply disappear from the face of the earth?

Sensing movement behind him, he couldn't control the shiver that shook his whole body. Moved by instinct, Sasuke turned around quickly to see that Naruto was now standing, hands shoved inside his pockets. His expression was excruciatingly unfamiliar to Sasuke, who could merely look at him with eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. 

Blue eyes were looking straight into his, and they were sparkling like jewels, but the expression in them was somber. Naruto looked taller; older, too.

That person, Sasuke thought in horror and fascination, now biting on his lower lip, was the person who had taken him out of his comfort zone and made him want to do things he had never thought about doing, ever. He hadn't even seen it coming, and it made him feel unavoidably small. He wanted nothing more than to do something to make Naruto smile at him reassuringly again, to make him feel like everything was alright. If they had kissed, would Naruto still give him that fucking look like he was angry and disappointed at him?

Something inside Sasuke wondered about what would happen if he moved now and finished what they started, but he knew he wouldn't do it, and so did Naruto. 

Something had been broken just then, at the same time that something had been consistently built – what, Sasuke couldn't tell, but the fact that Naruto still looked hauntingly alluring to him was enough to make him take a step back, towards safety and towards what he knew to be the right thing to do.

That seemed enough of a silent answer to Naruto, whose expression changed completely. Sasuke watched as those handsome, open features revealed anger, guilt, desire, and (to Sasuke’s consternation) sadness. All of it was directed at Sasuke, who had no idea how to feel about it or how to respond.

"I…" he stuttered, his voice coming out raspy and way too weak for his liking. "I should go."

Naruto pressed his lips in a thin line and breathed deeply through his nose, looking upset, probably more at himself than at Sasuke. "It's getting late," he ended up saying, not sounding like his usual self at all. "I'll take you to the train station."

Sasuke wanted to tell him that it was fine, that he didn't have to. He wanted to be as far from Naruto as he could, but they both had to catch the subway, so it'd be weird if they didn't go together.

They didn't talk at all during the subway ride, which was both awkward and relieving, but that easy companionship seemed to have disappeared completely. Sasuke kept tensing up, and Naruto made no move to be unnecessarily close like he usually did. They would either avoid eye contact altogether or simply stare at each other almost without blinking, but no word would ever be uttered.

Naruto meant it when he said he'd take Sasuke to the train station. Sasuke didn't understand why to bother when he could've simply stayed on the train and headed straight home. Still, he couldn't find the will to protest, because, for some reason, it was comforting to know that Naruto wasn't simply going to part ways with him after what happened. Whatever that was.

So, Naruto kept him company as Sasuke waited for his train. They both lit their cigarettes for the first time. When said transportation arrived, they stood in front of each other as if they wanted to say something. Sasuke sure did, but he had no idea what he wanted to say.

To his credit, Naruto seemed equally at loss for words, completely helpless, which made Sasuke feel less lost, less alone in all of this. Maybe it was all as confusing for Naruto as it was for him.

Waving, Sasuke bid his goodbyes and boarded the train, Naruto waving back dispassionately. The blond didn't move from his place as Sasuke found a seat by the window so he could see the outside, where Naruto's blue eyes, alive and so fiery, found his. They gazed at each other, both not daring to break the eye contact that seemed so important, so crucial, and Sasuke eagerly absorbed Naruto's shape until the train departed and he could no longer see him. 

By the time he could no longer see the other male, he allowed his body to release some of the painful tension in his muscles as he leaned forward and buried his face in his hands.

Just what the hell had happened? He was married, he loved his wife, he did not doubt it, and yet, he had almost kissed his co-worker, who was a man.

He should've seen it coming, he reprimanded himself, releasing a shaky breath. All of that flirting, the casual touches, the way Naruto looked at him… he should've seen it coming from miles ago.

But Naruto had said that he was straight, hadn't he? Sasuke never gave him any reason to lie, and truthfully, he didn't look gay or anything of the sort. But then again, Sasuke had never felt attracted to another man, and yet, he had been more than willing to kiss the living lights out of his friend not even half an hour ago.

There was no doubt in his mind that he was very attracted to the moron.

That explained a lot of his feelings towards Naruto. The fact that he had mistaken it for something else made him feel thoroughly stupid.

When did it start? Why? Why was he feeling this way towards someone he barely knew? Granted, he felt like he and Naruto had the sort of easy relationship that made them feel like they had always known each other, but still.

He was happily married, too, and there was nothing that could justify him feeling attracted to someone else. Nothing . Sasuke was far from being unhappy, and neither did he lack love or affection. Apart from his work, he was a fulfilled man.

So, why was this happening now ?

If Naruto's actions were any indication, the attraction wasn't one-sided at all. Maybe Naruto had felt it before he did. No, Naruto had been aware of his feelings all along, and by indulging him, Sasuke had fueled them unintentionally.

He inhaled sharply, only then detecting a familiar scent coming from his hands–Naruto's simple but identifiable cologne. It must've passed onto his skin when they had held hands, and now it was all over his palms, taunting him, haunting him even after he and Naruto had parted.

Sasuke could remember the feel of Naruto's fingers playing with his, caressing his, the way Naruto smiled at him, that fucking heat that radiated from his body that seemed to consume him. He could still feel Naruto's thumb on his jaw, that tiny flicker of his tongue over his lip...

With a cringe, Sasuke frowned, angry at himself and disgusted, but this didn't stop him from taking another conscious whiff of his hands so he could smell that comforting scent again.

He felt like he wanted to cry, but instead, simply let out a pitiful groan of misery.

What now?

TBC…

Chapter Text

It’s Not Fair

Chapter Six: Naruto’s Feelings – Part I

To say that Sasuke was on edge the next day was an understatement. After having spent the previous night awake with his mind filled with thoughts of Naruto, he had dragged himself to work that afternoon with his heart in his hands and wishing for nothing more than to have stayed in bed all day with his head buried in his pillow.

That same morning Karin had noticed that something was off with him, but he had dismissed it as him not having slept properly, which wasn’t exactly a lie. She had blamed it all on all the alcohol he had consumed, and Sasuke didn’t bother to correct her.

In a way, he supposed he should be relieved that it was Naruto’s day off because he wasn’t sure about how he was going to face him after what happened. It was all too fresh in Sasuke’s mind, and he had no idea what would become of his relationship with the blond from then on.

Staying up all night thinking things over had helped Sasuke to come to some sort of basic understanding of himself as far as his feelings for Naruto were concerned, and he wasn’t happy about it. He kept looking to the side, where his wife slept soundly beside him, and every time, something made him ache inside. That kind of pain was unknown to him and he didn’t know how to interpret it or what caused it.

He knew he loved Karin from the bottom of his heart. Even though she had had a crush on him since they had met, she had been a good friend and gave herself the chance of getting to know him before confessing her feelings for him. More than that, she had allowed Sasuke to get to know her as well and understand if he wanted to give her a chance or not, unlike other girls he had met. 

Karin was reliable and easy to get along with, but also feisty and bluntly honest, and that was something Sasuke appreciated. When Sasuke accepted her feelings, they started an easy-going, companionable relationship.

Eventually, what was a bond based on friendship had grown so much that Sasuke started caring enough to realize that it was probably his ideal relationship. Even the intimacy was perfect for his standards. Karin had probably wanted things to move faster, but at the same time, she had wanted him to want to be with her, so when the desire finally came, Sasuke didn’t really stop it and it only made everything even better.

They had been dating for three years before deciding to get married. Neither had proposed, exactly. They had both been in college back then and resented how their studies forced them apart. They had talked about it and about moving in together but made no plans until Karin’s family offered to pay for the marriage papers. When some wealthy aunt of Karin’s had said she’d help them purchase an apartment, it seemed like things were looking up for them.

Never did it cross his mind that Karin might not be the one for him, because after so many failed relationships he had come to love her dearly. That sense of fulfillment and accomplishment was something he never thought he’d feel in his life.

It wasn’t like being with Naruto was the same. They barely knew each other, even if the empathy they shared made Sasuke feel otherwise. Naruto was a guy, and despite how well they got along, or how much they understood each other, Sasuke knew that they were very different from each other and that they sometimes frustrated each other because of it. It was something that hadn’t manifested itself through more than casual, good-natured banter, but Sasuke felt that shit might hit the fan once he or Naruto decided to voice it in a slightly less polite way.

Not that this scared him, no, and it wasn’t something that made him dislike Naruto, because this openness they shared was something Sasuke enjoyed. He wasn’t afraid of being himself with Naruto, and he genuinely liked him as an individual. There was still so much to find out about him, too, and it baffled Sasuke that he truly wanted to know more. He wanted to know everything about Naruto.

This was all fine as long as friendship went. But then there was the other side of his interest in Naruto, where that attraction lay, and that side was more complicated.

It hadn’t started as something physical, this Sasuke knew. He and Naruto had hit it off pretty quickly, and Sasuke had almost instantaneously been drawn to the other, but only after the semi-flirting had begun did he notice Naruto’s looks. He had never really bothered to properly look at other guys, but Sasuke wasn’t so oblivious as to ignore when someone was good-looking, and Naruto fit the category quite nicely. Although, if Sasuke were, to be honest with himself, he had never had a predefined ‘type’ that pleased his eye, he just liked whatever his mind decided that he should like. And he liked Naruto’s eyes very much. And his sincere smile, and the way it made little dimples appear in his cheeks. He also liked Naruto’s relaxed but confident mannerisms, and even when he was feeling hesitant, there was that little thing about him that made him look pure and raw. There was a strange sexiness in Naruto’s demeanor that made Sasuke’s heart beat faster every time he thought about it, and that little nasty smile he made when he was being mischievous was absolutely…

So, yes, many things attracted him to Naruto, Sasuke acknowledged, but that was the end of it. He had a wife, he didn’t know Naruto, and he wasn’t going to throw his steady marriage into the trash bin for some mere infatuation. Worst of all, the object of said infatuation was a man. Nothing good could come out of it.

He had replayed the scene on the bench over and over again in his mind, and it always made him feel all sorts of conflicting things: aroused, curious, angry, and distraught. Some part of him wanted to do it all over again, making his desire to kiss Naruto even more powerful, but another part of him felt very upset at himself for even considering doing such a thing to his wife, and even if she might never find out about it, Sasuke himself would be aware of the fact that he had cheated on her. He felt guilty as it was to even think about Naruto, he couldn’t imagine what it’d do to him to do something with him.

But the more he thought about it, the more Sasuke wanted to do it, and that fact remained immutable.

He figured that the best he could do was to ignore it. If he ignored his feelings for Naruto, everything would be fine. Sure, Naruto had been the one to lure him (actually, it annoyed Sasuke that he wasn’t pissed at Naruto for seducing him) – so he was completely to blame for Sasuke having almost kissed him – but he was aware that Sasuke was off the market, which hopefully would help put an end to their short-lived-not-really affair.

Now all Sasuke had to do was to talk to Naruto and clear everything up as soon as possible. He didn’t want to lose their friendship, though, so hopefully, they could simply go back to the way they were before, minus the hand-holding and the almost-kissing part.

It was easier said than done, of course. Even though Sasuke hadn’t seen Naruto that Wednesday, he kept thinking about him so hard during work that he barely managed to focus on giving his lessons and ended up letting the kids off earlier so they could play outside. He realized that he wanted to see him, too.

How was Naruto feeling? Was he angry at him? Was he hurt? Would he be willing to let things go back to the way they were before?

Sasuke even thought about calling him but decided against it because he didn’t want to seem insecure and, well, desperate. Was he missing the blond all of a sudden because of what had happened? 

But this only made his uneasiness follow him home and throughout the next day. By the time he was on his way to work on Thursday – earlier than usual – his head hurt from lack of sleep and too much nicotine in his system, and his stomach was a mess. Even his hands were shaking by the time he entered the school grounds. The impulse to flee was strong, but his need to see Naruto was stronger, so he kept his steady pace towards the Teachers’ Lounge. Once he got there, he practically slammed the door open to find that the place was mostly empty, safe for Anko, Temari, and, as expected, Naruto. The three looked at him with identical expressions of surprise, but while the women’s changed to one that indicated they thought Sasuke was weird and crazy, Naruto simply smiled at him.

Naruto smiled. Normally. Warmly. Casually. Sasuke almost leaned on the door for support, because he felt so absurdly relieved it seemed like all the worrying had drained him. 

However, he was beneath such behavior, so he simply nodded to the three, set his things down on a nearby chair, and went to pour himself a cup of coffee in silence as the rest of them resumed their talking until the rest of the teachers arrived.

When the bell rang, Naruto waited for Sasuke so they could go to their respective classrooms together, and the dark-haired one felt unavoidably tense. Naruto, however, seemed… pretty much his normal self. He asked Sasuke how he was doing and how the previous day had been. Sasuke almost threw him a disgruntled look that said ‘how the fuck do you think it went?’, but then realized that Naruto was trying to be casual. Then, he took notice of the abnormal distance Naruto had placed between them – they usually would bump shoulders while walking side by side most of the time, and now, Naruto was so far from him that Sasuke would only be able to touch him if he extended his arm. It didn’t feel right for some reason.

Did Naruto want to pretend that nothing had happened? Was he feeling uncomfortable after everything because they were both guys who weren’t supposed to get physical? It seemed odd that he was only realizing it now when he had been the one who started it.

Despite himself, Sasuke replied with a simple 'fine' and looked away. Something inside of him felt annoyed that his friend was acting so casually when Sasuke himself had spent the night in psychological agony. Maybe Naruto had been drunker than he had thought and didn't remember anything. Then again, he had sounded pretty convincing and sober when he had said he liked him.

I never thought I’d like someone this much. Just thinking about it made Sasuke’s mouth run dry and his head spin.

No, he shouldn’t let his mind wander down such paths when he had already decided the right course of action to take.

They made small talk as they made their way to their destination. Once they stopped in the middle of the hall, between both their classrooms, Naruto flashed Sasuke a shy smile and asked if he wanted to hang out after work.

Okay, so maybe Naruto was trying to keep a low profile since they were in public but wanted to talk to him later so they could work things out between them. Of course, that was it, Sasuke reasoned, feeling slightly less annoyed by the whole situation. Naruto wasn't stupid.

Sasuke agreed, still feeling both abnormally eager and nervous as he promised to wait for Naruto at the main entrance.

Needless to say that his chaotic state of mind led him to teach the day's lessons in robot mode, barely registering the confusion the kids were making around him.

At the end of the day, he and Naruto met at the appointed place and headed to a nearby caffé, smaller and less welcoming than the one they used to go to, but Sasuke couldn’t care less about his surroundings, he just wanted to get things cleared out once and for all.

Unfortunately, it didn’t happen.

The blond chatted naturally in his seat across from Sasuke, and even though nothing seemed to have changed, the distance he had established between them made a strong statement.

To Sasuke's horror, Naruto didn't mention their little incident at all, instead choosing to talk about everything he could think of just to keep the conversation going, and Sasuke didn't know if this upset him, made him feel relieved, or both.

In a way, he had wanted to talk about it, even if just to understand Naruto and his feelings towards their situation and to give the matter a proper closure. They needed to reach a consensus, but apparently, Naruto thought otherwise.

Maybe Naruto was doing the right thing and they should just throw everything behind their backs and move on. Avoiding unnecessary complications was for the best, and this was something Sasuke knew. After all, nothing had changed, and Naruto made sure of it. He still smiled warmly, still talked openly and in that personal and affectionate way of his. Intellectually, he hadn’t changed, but his physical countenance did. Naruto seemed to be focused on not touching Sasuke at all. Sasuke didn’t understand why it bothered him, but it did. More than that, it actually kind of hurt, especially because the intense way Naruto looked at him was still the same, only now it looked deeper, stronger than before, or maybe it was just that Sasuke himself had learned to understand what it meant.

It angered him that he could still see that in Naruto’s eyes. He understood Naruto’s behavior to a certain extent, but that longing was still there, 

 So, what, he was attracted to Sasuke and knew it was wrong, but it was okay for him to just push it to the side, never to be mentioned again? Was it even something that easy to brush off?

But now that Sasuke thought about it, he had meant to brush it off as well, as if it had been some stupid fling. He had meant to tell Naruto that whatever it was that was happening between them had to end before it even started so they could still be friends and… well, go back to their normal lives. How hypocritical was he being, getting angered by Naruto doing exactly what Sasuke wanted him to do? Moreover, he was making his life easier by avoiding what was sure to be an awkward conversation. Sasuke wanted to snort at himself.

He was being ridiculous, not even knowing where all those strange and confusing frustrations had come from. Sure, he had liked the touching, but what had been innocent at first had quickly escalated to become something dangerous – something Sasuke had no control over. Sure, he had been slightly tipsy and very oddly aroused two days previously, but even though he was sure he could control himself quite fine while sober, caution told him it was best to keep things as simple as possible, at least until things calmed down. Surely this was all overwhelming to the blond as well.

Still, every time he looked into Naruto’s eyes, his heart would flutter and his hands would twitch. His body would feel uncomfortable, as if the lack of contact, casual as it might be, made him feel misplaced in Naruto’s presence. It was hard to not look at Naruto’s mouth or his gestures. It was hard to keep a straight face when Naruto’s hand rested close to his over the table but never moved to touch his. Everything about their interactions had become oddly disappointing.

But it was for the best, Sasuke convinced himself. He was married, this was all too new and he was being careless because of it. Getting carried away right now for something so fresh would certainly cause him to regret it later.

Sasuke liked Naruto for his personality, and that wouldn’t change even if they never touched each other again. It was Naruto’s friendship that mattered to him, and for Naruto, always one to speak his mind, to choose silence instead, only meant that Sasuke meant just as much to him.

Eventually, Sasuke took a deep breath and forced himself to collect his thoughts and become resolute. Naruto noticed it because he gave a small, almost feeble smile as if silently admitting to knowing what Sasuke was feeling and trying to offer some kind of comfort. In a way, Sasuke did feel comforted, and yet, it took everything he had to force himself to smile and to pick up the casual chat.

As easy as that, the two immersed themselves in a couple of hours of steady conversation, and it didn’t matter what they saw in each other’s eyes – they both knew what was being said without words. And despite the apparent easy-going chatter, Sasuke simply knew that it was forced on both their parts and would take a long while for them to go back to what they were. If Naruto was willing to work through it, he would be, too.

For some reason, though, he couldn’t help but see his sadness reflected in Naruto’s gaze.

000

The next few days were nothing less of a struggle for Sasuke. While he had decided about what the future of his relationship with Naruto would be like, something felt off. Naruto tried his best to create an environment that was good and familiar to both of them, but everything felt forced. Not that Sasuke felt that Naruto was forcing himself to get along with him because there was no mistaking the honesty in his actions, but the tension was always there, the same as before, but different, and more strained.

Sasuke didn’t think that he’d ever actually resent this new arrangement despite his resolution, but truth was, he did. He had never been particularly touchy-feely, but when someone made him want to be that way, he valued it. Also, he resented that the lack of contact seemed to have established such a distance between them. It was also stupid that he missed it when Naruto was the one to take the initiative.

In a way, Sasuke knew he was being selfish and that all this bothered him for so many reasons he shouldn’t feel bothered about. It bothered him that he felt like he was missing out on something and that nagging feeling was all-consuming. Mostly, it bothered him that, in light of what had happened between them, he still didn’t know how Naruto felt about him. He kept telling himself that it didn’t matter, that it wouldn’t make any difference, but it was a blatant lie.

Was it just something physical? Something sexual? Was it more, or was it something else entirely?

It shouldn’t matter. What could Sasuke do about it if he did come to know how Naruto felt? More than that, what exactly did he feel about Naruto in the first place? Attraction, yes, he had already admitted to that, but was there something else, as well?

Not that it mattered, Sasuke kept telling himself. There was nothing he could or wanted to do about it. He wasn’t going to ruin the balance in his life for something that felt like a stupid teenage-like crush.

Still…

Still, it was driving him crazy. The constant need to be around Naruto would only make him ache whenever they were together. Sasuke thought about him so much he could barely sleep, and when he did sleep, his mind tormented him with fantasies he had no idea he had up until that point. Keeping his sour mood from Karin was an excruciating task.

It was almost funny how his world had been turned upside down in just a few days. Weird, though, was the fact that, no matter how much time passed, things didn’t seem to become better at all. He didn’t know when or how that sadness had turned into resentment.

Seven days had passed since the incident, and Sasuke found himself hanging out with his fellow Music teachers at the usual place, at the same table outside where they always sat. Only recently, Naruto had chosen to sit across from Sasuke instead of right next to him, while Sasuke was currently sitting between Tenten and Genma.

Sasuke had a cigarette dangling from his lips (the third he had had in the last half hour) and was feeling thoroughly pissed. Naruto was being his usual loud and cheery self, tormenting Shikamaru about something Sasuke didn’t bother paying attention to. Sasuke had been staring at the blond for quite a while now, and not once did Naruto look back at him, surely feeling the weight of dark, ferocious eyes on him and fearing what he might meet if he did look back at him.

But, Sasuke realized, he was starving for attention; starving for warm blue eyes on him, starving for just that simple touch on his arm, just that simple proximity. Just having Naruto by his side would help to ease his mind and put an end to his misery, but Naruto was being such an ass…

No, he was doing the right thing, it was Sasuke that was being stupid and childish. Sasuke knew this, and yet, he didn’t stop himself from picking up his mobile phone and texting Naruto.

To: Moron

I hate you.

Sasuke watched as Naruto stopped laughing at something Genma had said when he heard his mobile phone alert him of incoming messages. Upon reading Sasuke’s text, Naruto’s smile dropped so suddenly that the reaction made Sasuke feel both satisfied and guilty. Still, Naruto wouldn’t look at him, simply texting him back.

A few seconds later, Sasuke felt his phone vibrating. Naruto had yet to look at him, but his joyful mood seemed to have been ruined altogether. Their co-workers kept chatting casually, oblivious to what was going on with the two, as Sasuke read Naruto’s message.

From: Moron

I’m sorry.

Looking up, Sasuke saw that Naruto still wasn’t looking at him, simply looking down, probably at his phone that was resting over his lap under the table, in a similar pose to Sasuke’s. He looked oddly empty just then.

Sasuke bit down on his lower lip, glaring at the blond. What exactly was Naruto sorry about? For making Sasuke hate him? In this absurd situation? For not looking at him?

Of course, Sasuke couldn’t hate him, he just didn’t like him all that much at the moment because Naruto was getting on his nerves. Or maybe, he just liked Naruto that much, and this kind of treatment made him feel miserable.

Before he could control and hold himself back, he was texting Naruto again. Only after hearing the ‘beep’ coming from his friend’s phone did he realize what he had written.

To: Moron

I miss you.

Well, shit, Sasuke thought, even more annoyed at himself, and slightly shocked, as well. That was something he didn’t want to admit quite like that.

Even without looking up, he could hear Naruto’s sharp intake of breath.

From: Moron

I’m right here, was Naruto’s simple reply.

Frowning, Sasuke quickly texted back.

To: Moron

No, you’re not.

Naruto’s reply was taking forever to come, so Sasuke looked up to see Naruto looking back at him. Their eyes met for just a second before Naruto jumped a bit in his seat and heatedly looked at everything but at him. At some point, he excused himself to go to the men’s room and eagerly got up, disappearing from view as he got inside the caffé.

Sasuke felt his eyes narrowing in anger and loss. What the fucking hell?

He lit yet another cigarette, only occasionally offering a few words to his co-workers just so they wouldn’t suspect him to be in a foul mood – not that he was usually very talkative, to begin with.

Naruto was gone for five minutes when Sasuke’s phone vibrated again, startling him slightly.

From: Moron

‘Neither are you.’

The reply took Sasuke by surprise, and he didn’t understand what Naruto meant by it. However, another buzz tickled his lap before he could start another text message, but the next one took his breath away.

From: Moron

‘You have no idea how much I miss you, too…’

Minutes seemed to have gone by with Sasuke staring at the phrase hands shaking slightly and heart thumping painfully in his chest, not knowing if the admission made him feel relieved or even more at loss. That was what he had been wanting to know, wasn’t it? So why did it have to cause him such a sense of hopelessness and discomfort?

Without bothering to reply, he gathered his things as calmly as he could and shoved them inside his bag. He wasn’t sure that he could face Naruto again without doing something stupid, like punching him or something even worse… probably something that didn’t consist exactly of huge amounts of pain. When the others asked him where he was going, he simply said that he had urgent matters to attend to and to let Naruto know he had left.

Sasuke would never have guessed that he’d be this upset over their silent arrangement. In all honesty, he had no idea how to deal with something like this, and despite Naruto’s apparent certainty, he wasn’t sure the blond did, either, or if this solution was even any good.

Their feelings – whatever they were – were so transparent to each other that it was perplexing, but there was no way that either of them could respond to it properly.

Sasuke could think of one good solution, but it wasn’t something simply doable, as he had already concluded before. Not that it didn’t seem appealing, but it wasn’t something that could be pursued.

And even though he knew it, it kind of inexplicably pained him.

The question was, what else could they do to fix it? How long would it last before one of them would break? And when that happened, would things even manage to be repaired at all?

TBC…

Chapter Text

It's Not Fair

Chapter Seven: Naruto's Feelings – Part II

Two weeks had passed since the incident, and despite how things seemed even more awkward between them, Sasuke and Naruto didn't stop seeing each other.

While neither mentioned the little exchange of inappropriate text messages between them, there was still a huge effort on both their parts to not let things go completely dire.

The tension and frustration were obvious, and so was the impending need to talk about it. Sasuke felt it in his body, like bugs crawling up all over him, and he knew, simply knew that Naruto felt it, too. Most of the time, when it was just the two of them, Sasuke felt the urge to either punch Naruto in the face or kiss him. Sometimes, Naruto talked a lot and about things Sasuke couldn't even understand because inside he was boiling in anger and exasperation, and all he wanted to do was to tell his friend to shut the fuck up so they could share a few minutes of quietude looking into each other's eyes. Sasuke knew how to read Naruto's eyes well, and was sure Naruto could read his, as well, so if they could just have that little while for just the two of them, maybe, just maybe, they could get through to each other, even without words, somehow.

Sometimes, Sasuke thought about doing all three things at the same time, if possible, but he never really dared to act upon his instincts, no matter how strong the impulse was.

He had no idea what it was that he wanted to say to Naruto so that he wouldn't be misunderstood. He didn't know what was wrong with him, or why he felt so lost whenever he and the blond were anywhere near each other. His confusion took over his daily life and it was driving him crazy. From day to day, things between them seemed to be getting worse, and this scared Sasuke because he simply didn't know how to make it stop and reverse things so that everything could be the way it was before.

While he had enjoyed that initial tension, the flirting, and the almost-kissing, he was also becoming increasingly regretful towards his giving in, because it had led them to that terrible outcome. That intimacy had become somewhat precious to him, and he didn't want to regret it despite this knowledge making him feel guilty about his marriage, but he was seriously starting to think that he'd take it all back if he only had a chance to be friends with Naruto in that easy way they had been before.

If someone from the outside looked at them, they wouldn't be able to tell the difference in their relationship because, to the eyes of others, they still talked normally to each other about random stuff, still laughed, still bickered here and there, and still looked like they got along well despite their diverging personalities. They still elbowed each other frequently, but that was the only contact they shared, and it always made Sasuke pretty stiff and Naruto blush, the action always followed by awkward silence.

Sasuke was beginning to think that, if things stayed like this much longer, their friendship wouldn't survive until summer.

Nevertheless, no matter how frustratingly fidgety Naruto had become from day to day or how quickly Sasuke's smiles were dying to be replaced by frowns and glares, it was simpler to pretend and let the time pass. Pretending and taking the agonizing tension seemed worth it, if anything because they genuinely wanted to be around each other, and there was no forcefulness in that.

There was no mistaking the look on Naruto's face every time Sasuke either agreed to hang out or suggested it himself. Despite everything, even when Sasuke did want to hit something or bang his head against the walls, just knowing that they wanted to be around each other offered him a sort of small coziness that was irreplaceable. 

000

That fateful Friday seemed to carry with it a sense of change.

A few days previously, Naruto had mentioned that he needed new strings for his guitar and asked if Sasuke wanted to join him. Sasuke had no idea that Naruto even played guitar, which was a rather idiotic fact considering Naruto was a Music teacher after all. More out of curiosity and eagerness to be with Naruto someplace different (seriously, the constant rendezvous at local cafés was beginning to tire him), Sasuke didn't even have to think before agreeing, especially because Naruto seemed excited about bringing him along.

As per usual, when their classes were over, the two took the subway and headed to where Naruto had parked his car. Sasuke had no idea if that was the street where he lived, but he didn't dare to ask, and the other didn't offer any input to confirm or deny it.

Naruto owned an old dark red Ford Fiesta of 1994 that he seemed very fond of. It was his first car, he had said, and he'd only get rid of it when the rusty can with wheels collapsed.

Since Naruto was a very relaxed person, Sasuke always had the idea that he was a bit of a slacker and kind of messy, but he was pleased to find out that the car was in good condition and pristine clean on the inside. Well, Naruto could've also cleaned it because he knew Sasuke was going to sit there, but the first option was probably wishful thinking for the Uchiha.

Even though the car shook a lot and was noisy, since it was a diesel engine, Sasuke found that he liked it for some reason. It was also oddly cozy and smelled good, not to mention that Naruto was enough of a good driver to make him feel safe.

Sasuke didn’t have a driver’s license, unfortunately.

Leaning back in his seat, Sasuke made himself more comfortable as he tried to stretch his legs as much as he could. He glanced at Naruto's profile to see that the other man was calmly focused on the road.

Sasuke had no idea where Naruto was taking him, but it wasn't as if he particularly cared. They drove for about half an hour and there was music playing, a pleasant mixture of rock and pop, and for once, Naruto decided to keep quiet instead of starting a random conversation, which was strangely soothing to Sasuke. At least they weren't pretending when they were silent, and they could both enjoy each other's company without forced words getting in the way. For the first time in several days, everything felt like it did before the chaos had settled, and despite it being achieved with the much-appreciated silence, it was still blissful, and a lot easier to bear than the useless chatter.

Sasuke allowed himself to shamelessly stare at Naruto for a while, taking small pleasure in examining the other's features. Naruto glanced at him before his blue eyes settled on the road again, a small smile appearing on his lips. At seeing it, Sasuke felt himself smile a bit in return because he genuinely liked the way Naruto smiled, and it wasn't like his smiles towards him were ever really forced, but that one had a hint of something rare in it, something secretive that Sasuke knew not many had the chance to see. For the moment, it made him content.

The sun was starting to set when Naruto stopped the car in a town Sasuke had never visited before, in a street full of interesting-looking shops. They walked for a while until they found the one Naruto wanted to visit. There were all sorts of instruments and sound systems displayed on the show window, but when they got inside, Sasuke's chin fell. The place was huge, and he didn't think he had ever seen so many musical instruments in his life, and certainly not in so many different shapes and colors.

Naruto beamed at him as they entered before heading to the counter to ask the employee there for the type of strings he wanted. While he did this, Sasuke took his time taking a look around, first admiring a few weirdly shaped violins before moving on to the acoustic guitars.

Everything seemed so eccentric it seemed like every instrument was a unique piece – which probably was true. He found great interest in a particular black guitar painted in tones of smoky dark blue and gray on the front. It was hanging on the wall, looking smooth and gorgeous. The instrument wasn't the most extravagant or fascinating one there, but somehow it caught Sasuke's attention.

He reached out to run the tips of his fingers over the polished surface.

"You like it?" The question came from behind him, a warm breath tingling his ear and sending shivers down his spine. Naruto's body wasn't even touching his, but he was a lot closer than he had been during those seemingly never-ending days, so it was normal for Sasuke to feel overly conscious of him.

"I guess," Sasuke replied softly, without turning around, still observing the guitar as one does a piece of art. "I don't even know how to play something like this, but there is an elegance to it that is beautiful."

"Yeah," Naruto agreed, with a smile in his voice. "It's even more beautiful when it comes to life. Here, let me show you."

Naruto moved to his side and reached for the guitar, carefully removing it from its holder. He looked around in search of something until he found it. Sasuke followed him as he made his way to a small stool and sat down, placing the guitar over his lap. A little excited, Sasuke stood in front of him and watched as Naruto tuned the guitar, testing the strings for a while until he was satisfied. Then, taking a deep breath, he tried out a few experimental accords before smoothly starting a song, not one Sasuke was familiar with, and not one particularly complicated, but consistent enough to catch his attention.

The melody was slow and simple, almost romantic. Naruto played it confidently, his body relaxed and a small smile on his lips while he looked down at his own moving fingers, his messy fringe falling over his eyes.

The scene felt almost eerie to Sasuke, who could all but watch Naruto mesmerized. He felt a kind of peace that he hardly possessed, even though his breathing became a little ragged because seeing his friend like that made him a little flushed.

He liked that Naruto knew how to play the guitar. He liked it even more that he played it well, and suddenly, he wanted to know if Naruto was also talented as far as his singing went, but he couldn't find the nerve to ask him to sing because it seemed like such a personal, intimate thing to ask all of a sudden.

So he simply sat down on the floor with legs crossed Indian style, elbows resting over his knees. Naruto stopped playing, looking smug.

"So, I have an audience now," he said, offering Sasuke a small smile.

"You do," Sasuke confirmed, with a falsely serious nod. "Can't you see I just made myself comfortable? I'm going to start throwing coins at you in a minute."

"I'm guessing you want me to play for you, then." Naruto chuckled and shifted slightly on the stool. "What do you want me to play? I can't promise to know the piece you suggest, though."

"Anything's fine," Sasuke replied, shrugging, before adding "But I liked what you were playing, so something of the same genre would be nice."

With a nod, Naruto made his fingers travel over the strings, creating a few slow notes. "Anything to keep you happy, Sasuke," he said, winking at him, and this made Sasuke feel so warm inside he couldn't stop smiling if he had tried.

Another flowing melody filled the air, and Naruto played it as easily as he had the previous one. Sasuke allowed himself to heave a sigh and close his eyes.

He had no idea how long he sat there listening to Naruto play in the middle of the store. His eyes were closed, but he could feel Naruto's intense gaze on him as he played song, but it wasn't as if he minded it. Naruto was watching him, appreciating him, and his eyes felt like the brush of fingertips, softly caressing him all over. That perception wasn't something Sasuke could explain, but it felt like he could sense the gentleness in those eyes, what they were telling him, and by not looking back, Sasuke was both silently accepting it and refusing to acknowledge it. There was no way he could tell what he'd do if he did, but he was sure that it would probably be emotionally painful.

Somehow, it was better to enjoy the moment for what it was. For the first time in weeks, the air between them was lighter, and for a moment, it became easier to breathe.

Sensing those feelings they shared was different from experiencing it, from seeing it, and it was easier to deal with, less real if that made sense. Naruto's music and his presence were captivating to Sasuke, who felt enraptured inside the walls that trapped them together, wishing that every moment between them could be as easy as this, as intimate as this, when, even if for just a few minutes, he could forget about the rest of the world.

000

The contentment faded as soon as they left the store. Naruto had, once more, closed in on himself to keep Sasuke at arms' length. This was something that now, more than angering or frustrating him, deeply saddened him instead.

To some extent, Sasuke understood that there was a certain dark beauty to what was happening with them. Everything they did together felt like something extraordinary but that was why it was all so unfortunate.

Since both of them were hungry, they agreed to drop by somewhere to grab something to eat. They stopped by a convenience store and purchased all sorts of junk food before heading back to the car.

Exchanging only a few essential words, they shared the food while Naruto drove for a long time, heading nowhere in particular. The night was already upon them, but time seemed to have stopped entirely. Sometimes, Naruto's hand would rest on the side of Sasuke's seat, near his thigh, but never close enough to touch.

At one point Naruto asked for a cigarette, and Sasuke fished one out from his pack, brought it to his lips, and lit it before finally giving it to Naruto. The reason behind this was so he could see what Naruto would do. Would Naruto turn it down because Sasuke had purposefully put the cigarette in his mouth, or would he accept it? Two weeks ago, Sasuke would've known the answer, but right now, he had no idea.

To Sasuke's relief (or surprise) Naruto accepted the cigarette. It had been nothing more than a test, and yet seeing Naruto put his mouth somewhere Sasuke's mouth had previously been, had been quite the visual shock, and quite the unexpected turn on, as well. Still, made him feel a bit less trapped because Naruto had let him in.

He couldn't point to the exact moment the atmosphere changed again, he only knew that they had stopped talking entirely and that Naruto seemed suddenly on edge. His hands seemed to be gripping the steering wheel as if they meant to break it, his shoulders tense and his eyebrows heavily furrowed as he stared at the road unblinkingly. Sasuke eyed him a bit hesitant but didn't dare to ask what was wrong, not because he was afraid Naruto might snap at him – oh, how he wanted Naruto to just do something and react in some way – but because he wasn't sure if the other male would even know how to drive if he did snap, so Sasuke just leaned on the door and rested his head against the window, absently gazing at the landscape outside but not seeing it.

After a while, Naruto stopped the car at some deserted parking lot Sasuke had never seen, but that was some sort of tourist must-see spot because it had a gazebo up ahead that offered a wonderful view of the city down below.

Switching off the ignition, Naruto unbuckled his seat belt and got out of the car, slamming the door shut without saying another word. Safe from a few weak streetlamps, it was dark, so Sasuke couldn't quite catch where Naruto had headed off to.

With a sigh, he debated on whether to follow Naruto in case he was feeling sick, or if he should let him be so he could have some time alone with his thoughts.

He didn't think too much, though, choosing to get out of the car. Once outside, he felt himself being quickly maneuvered so that he was being turned around. Gasping, he vaguely heard the passenger’s door being closed before he was being roughly pushed against it, not hard enough to hurt, but enough to knock the wind off him.

Hands were slammed over the surface of the car on either side of his shoulders and then, all he could see was Naruto in front of him, impossibly close and looking feral and about to commit bloody murder, his blue eyes almost luminescent in the dark.

"Wait, don’t! Sasuke pleaded, on reflex alone, pressing his hands to Naruto's chest, as if to stop him from doing anything else.

Moved by the sudden rush of panic and adrenaline, not knowing what was going to happen, that was all Sasuke could think about saying. His whole body was shivering in shock and awe at the sudden turn of events. Naruto wasn't even touching him, but he could feel the other’s body trembling slightly, his breath raging against Sasuke's opened mouth.

Naruto looked angry. "Don't what, Sasuke?" he snapped, frowning deeply. "What exactly is it that you don't want me to do?"

Sasuke had no idea how to answer that, because he didn't know what Naruto had been about to do, or if he even had been about to do something at all.

Don't hit me? Don't kiss me? Don't stop if you're thinking about kissing me? Maybe all three of these or neither of them, Sasuke didn't know. All he knew was that Naruto's closeness after so long of being distant was something that both excited and freaked the living hell out of him. It felt weird, right and wrong at the same time, and it wasn't like he was exactly scared; he had no idea how he felt, but he was aware that the air was almost suffocating.

"I don't know!" Sasuke snapped back with confused honesty. "Whatever it is that you're thinking about doing, don't. Not like this."

Naruto's heartbeat was as powerful as Sasuke's underneath the his palm, and it affected him in ways he didn't think possible, so he closed his fingers around the fabric of Naruto's blue sweater, locking eyes with friend’s wild ones as an intense heat consumed him from head to toe at the same time that ice seemed to chill his spine.

Blue eyes scrutinized him for a moment before the ferociousness in them was replaced by an almost innocent and heartbreaking helplessness.

"Damn you," he hissed, between clenched teeth. Then, he let his head fall forward – making Sasuke's heart stop for just a second in restless anticipation in the process – but ended up simply pressing his forehead against Sasuke's, releasing a shaky breath. "You drive me crazy," he added, almost inaudibly. "Fuck."

Many things ran through Sasuke's mind as he willed himself to calm down, which was a hard enough feat considering he had the object of his most recent attention right in front of him, their faces so close he knew he only had to tilt his head up a bit if he wanted them to kiss. Not that Naruto's body language was inviting him to do so, not like that day at the park, but the thought still crossed Sasuke's mind. For a fleeting moment of madness, he almost did it, but what little rationality his brain possessed knew that Naruto was upset and that, just as Sasuke himself had said, nothing like that should be happening like this.

Instead, seeking some form of comfort and relief from those agonizing weeks, Sasuke let go of Naruto's sweater and snaked his arms around his waist, underneath his opened jacket, and yanked him close none-too-gently, the action forcing their chests to collide, and Naruto to release a noise of surprise.

He must've thought Sasuke was going to do something because he turned his face to the side so that their mouths wouldn't be so dangerously close to touching, but Sasuke didn't hesitate in taking the opportunity to bury his face in the curve of Naruto's neck.

The body in his arms was unfamiliar but strong against his. Naruto tensed when Sasuke took a whiff of his scent, but his hesitance didn’t last because he was returning the embrace, pulling Sasuke close, one hand burying itself in the black strands at the back of his head.

Sasuke could feel Naruto's lips on his temple then, gentle but desperate. He sighed at the sensation, his body finding a weird sort of relaxation in how unfathomably good it felt to be held with the same need he felt.

The contact was suddenly broken as Sasuke found himself with his arms stretched, empty, and his body cold as Naruto took several steps backward. The man was shaking his head while staring at Sasuke with wide eyes, his face a deadly shade of gray.

Worry shadowed Sasuke's confusion. "Naruto?" he called out, taking a cautious step closer which led Naruto to raise a hand to stop him from, so Sasuke closed his mouth and remained where he was.

At this point, the blonde looked more tired than anything else, and it made Sasuke's heart sink.

"Listen," Naruto said, visibly restless. "This is not who I am, Sasuke. I'm the kind of person who fights for what he wants. When I have something to say, I say it, no matter the consequences. That's me. I have never stopped being myself for anyone, and I did it for you because my respect for you is more valuable to me than what I want."

Barely blinking, Sasuke stared, unsure of what to feel, how - or if – he was supposed to reply. However, it seemed that Naruto wasn't even close to being finished.

"But it's killing me," Naruto proceeded, all in one go. "I can't deal with this anymore; I feel like I'm about to explode because I have all these feelings pilling up inside of me that I want to let out, and I know I shouldn't, but I have to because I'm so fucking tired, Sasuke, and we're hurting each other and I don’t want to hurt you.”

Sasuke instantly knew that this conversation would be decisive to the status of their relationship as it was. He knew that things had to be discussed, knew that, for the balance to be restored, they couldn't pretend forever, and yet, his racing mind was just realizing how much it would change things between them. For better or worse, he didn't know, but it was intimidating, and even though he had rehearsed a (calm and civilized) conversation between them over and over again in his mind, he didn't exactly expect things to turn out like this.

"Naruto..."

"No," Naruto interrupted him again pleadingly. "You can ignore it afterward if you want, but I have to tell you... please."

Biting down on his lower lip hesitantly, Sasuke nodded. He watched as Naruto's eyes brightened up in relief as he took a deep breath.

"I like you," he said, and it was claimed with such conviction it blew Sasuke away, his eyes becoming wide as he stared into Naruto's serious ones. "I like you so much I don't know what to do with myself. I liked you from the moment I saw you lurking around those halls at school, and I liked you even more after I met you, even though you're sometimes difficult and the complete opposite of me."

Sasuke took a sharp intake of breath when Naruto offered him a tiny, but genuine smile.

"I like the way you smile, and even your almost cruel honesty," he proceeded. "I like it that you close yourself to everyone but open up only to me. I didn’t think I’d ever be into men, Sasuke. I wanted us to be friends. I never expected to someday be talking to you and all of a sudden thinking, 'fuck, this person is gorgeous'. Not just on the outside, because, look at you, you're stunning, but… to me, for me, you have turned into someone amazing."

Sasuke's legs threatened to give out, so he leaned his back against the car’s door, his hands sweating even though the night air was chilly.

"I freaked out," Naruto admitted, with a helpless shrug, now scratching his head anxiously. "Not because you're a guy, but because you're married and I'm single. I'm not afraid of liking another man, even though I have no idea what it's like, but I know that it's wrong to pursue someone who’s committed. So, I tried to ignore it. I was scared that I might lose you if you figured out how I felt. But you were… you always made me feel so… unique. I'm not blaming it on you, I'm just saying that I felt like I was special to you, who never seemed to like anyone else.

"I never meant to flirt with you." The blonde's voice lowered in regret. "I wanted to, but I knew I shouldn't, so I fought not to. When I first did, I acted on impulse and curiosity to see how you'd react. You always seemed so comfortable around me… and then you went along with it and I couldn't help but wonder if you felt the same way, somehow." Naruto crossed his arms over his chest as if only now feeling the cold. "I told myself that it didn't matter even if you did but when you like someone you want to be close to them. You want to touch them and say nice things to them and… you just want everything, anything. And I wanted that from you. I still do."

Sasuke found it hard to keep his breathing steady when there was so much sadness and longing in Naruto's eyes. No one had ever said such things to him, not even when he was younger and girls threw themselves at his feet.

Those words hit some deep spot inside of him he had never known existed, and there was so much genuine emotion and honesty in them Sasuke didn’t dare doubt him.

"I'm sorry," Naruto whispered. "If I hadn't pushed your buttons, if I had kept my hands to myself, you'd probably never have allowed yourself to get carried away."

A strong gust of wind ruffled his messy air and huffed as he closed his eyes, seeming to take some comfort in it. When he reopened them, that confident seriousness was there again. For some strange reason, Sasuke thought he looked peculiarly beautiful.

"I'm not confused," Naruto said, with conviction. "I know how I feel about you, but I don't know what to do. I've never felt this way for another person in my life, let alone a guy, or even someone I've just met. It may sound weird, but… I can feel you, your feelings… I can feel that this is not my imagination. I tried to ignore it, for both our sakes, but I can't do it anymore. Not when you look at me the way you do. I don't want to lose you, Sasuke, but I do want you." He bit his lower lip, his eyes never leaving Sasuke's. "Being next to you, touching you… Sasuke, that's when I'm the happiest; that's when I feel like I finally belong somewhere. That night in the park I wanted you to kiss me and you almost did, didn't you?"

With his mouth dry and his heart beating violently inside his chest, Sasuke watched as his friend took a single cautious step towards him, saying "I can't be imagining it, not when you're looking at me like this right now."

If before, Naruto had meant to pour his heart out so that Sasuke could listen, now he was waiting for him to say something, very still in his spot, still way too distanced, looking expectant.

Surprised at himself, Sasuke realized that he didn't want to run away, even if his instincts and consciousness told him to recoil, to lie and say something, anything to contradict Naruto's very accurate assumption of his feelings. If he lied, if he said that the almost-kiss had been nothing but a spur-of-the-moment thing…

Maybe he was being selfish, but he needed Naruto to know.

"You're not imagining it," Sasuke whispered, his voice steadier than he had expected it to be. "I was going to kiss you if Karin hadn't called, and maybe I was a little tipsy, but I wanted to because I was drawn to you from the very start. I don't think any of this was ever one-sided, Naruto."

Sasuke's confession was short and dull compared to Naruto's, but the other’s eyes became comically wide, as if, despite his confidence in his knowledge of Sasuke's feelings, he hadn't expected him to be so straightforward about it.

"Oh," Naruto breathed out shakily. "Fuck, I think I need to sit down."

Before Sasuke could do anything else, Naruto had already collapsed on the stony ground, sitting with his legs pulled to his chest, arms resting on his knees and his face buried in them. He seemed completely worn out, and it tore at Sasuke's very soul.

Their mutual confession seemed to him something amazing and dream-like, but they were in a situation where they could simply take the time to enjoy it. It was only now sinking for both just how complicated things were.

Sasuke couldn't wrap his mind around what Naruto had just said to him, but he cared to a degree that was a little foreign and devastating to Sasuke. He wondered if the reason why he felt so heartbroken all of a sudden was that he cared just as much.

Heaving a long, tired sigh, Sasuke made his way to Naruto and crouched down in front of him. Moved by instinct alone, he placed one hand over Naruto's elbow for balance and another on his head, gently caressing the untamable locks. After a while, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to the spot he had just touched, making Naruto tense up.

Sasuke leaned back slightly so Naruto could lift his head. Their noses touched as they looked at each other in silence, and even though there was still that undeniable pull between them, it somehow felt less strained than before, more intimate.

"You know," Naruto whispered gently, his breath fanning over Sasuke's lips. "I quit smoking a couple of years ago. But when I saw that you smoked, I kind of felt that it was something that we could share."

Sasuke didn't know if he should smile or frown, so he ended up doing both.

"That's pretty stupid," he whispered back.

"I know," Naruto agreed, with a half-hearted chuckle. As Sasuke proceeded with his ministrations on his hair, he sensed Naruto relaxing, basking in the action. "What are we going to do, Sasuke?"

Never in his life would Sasuke ever guess that he'd feel so absolutely complete and empty at the same time. Touching Naruto, being near him like made him feel happy, and it seemed so natural, so relieving after those weeks when it had seemed like they had been miles away from each other.

"What is there to do?" Sasuke muttered. Naruto shifted one of his arms. Very still, Sasuke waited for the inevitable touch, and true enough, it didn't take long for cold fingers to brush his cheek.

"I could think of a couple of things," Naruto said with a clear meaning behind his words.

Sasuke's heart did a funny jump, and he all but leaned on the touch. "So can I," he mumbled, before moving away a bit so he could look into Naruto's attentive and oh-so emotional eyes, the hand touching him following the movement. "Naruto, I'm married."

It wasn't like Naruto looked hurt by this because he had to know that it was coming, but he didn't seem less devastated either.

"I know that," the blond said, absently touching Sasuke's ear and rubbing the lobe with his thumb. "I may be in love with you, but I'd never tell you to get a divorce, or even cheat on your wife. That's wrong, and I know we barely know each other, so I can't possibly tell you what to do."

Sasuke would be lying to himself if he didn't admit that Naruto bluntly confessing to being 'in love with him didn't surprise him. It was one thing for them to be attracted to each other and like each other, but being in love seemed like such an overstatement right then. How could Naruto say that and mention they barely knew each other in the same sentence?

And that was not all. He never pegged Naruto as a dishonest guy, but at the same time, Sasuke had expected him to ask and want things from him now that their mutual interest was out in the open, and now he was saying that he wouldn't do it.

And why was Sasuke feeling upset about this when he had been the one to throw his marriage to the conversation, practically cutting off any other chances of them being anything more than friends?

The strangest feeling took over him just then. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he had acknowledged their feelings but had also automatically accepted that there was nothing to be done about it. Though, his subconscious had wanted Naruto to fight him and find alternatives.

"Why not?" Sasuke inquired, probably a bit more aggressively than he had intended, very aware of how childish he sounded. "You could, you know. Just tell me what you want from me."

Naruto's eyebrows disappeared underneath his fringe.

"I already said that I want you," he replied, for some reason smirking slightly, his hand falling from Sasuke's face to tug at the zipper of his jacket. "But I'm not willing to be the second best in your life, Sasuke. I want you with me, for real."

Sasuke's chin fell at that. "That's all?" he asked.

"What do you want me to say?" Naruto inquired, now frowning. "You want me to tell you to cheat on your wife? To drop everything you've built? For me?"

No, that wasn't what Sasuke wanted at all. Or maybe it was? He never meant to do anything with Naruto behind Karin's back, but at the same time, maybe he had expected Naruto to simply want more from him. Maybe Sasuke was just looking for an excuse to do something he wanted to do but didn't want to do at the same time.

"I don't know what I want," Sasuke admitted, genuinely confused with himself. "I just… I'm having all these thoughts I didn't have before; this is not going the way I imagined it would, and now I'm… I don't know how to feel."

Naruto gave him another smile, almost reassuring. "You can't have everything; life is made of choices," he said simply, even though there was something in his expression that seemed to struggle. "Do you want to cheat on your wife, Sasuke?"

Biting his lip, the Sasuke examined Naruto's features, quickly thinking things through in his messy head.

Did he want to do something about his relationship with Naruto and change it for the better? There was no doubt about it. Just being this close to the other brought up all sorts of feelings and urges he didn't even know he could possess towards another person, and it was all so crazy how he didn't feel intimidated by the fact that Naruto was a man.

Did he want to do that to Karin? Did he even have a reason to feel like he should do it?

No. His current feelings had absolutely nothing to do with his marriage. Nothing in his life had led him to this. It wasn't like he had ever felt unaccomplished or in need of another person's affection while with Karin. It wasn't like he felt that something was missing, and yet, the way he felt towards Karin and the way he felt for Naruto were distinctly different. Why, Sasuke didn't know.

Was it because he loved Karin but was sexually attracted to Naruto? That somehow didn't sound wrong, but it didn't sound right either. It wasn't just Naruto's body he liked, there was some kind of intellectual bond there as well, but it was still different from what he felt for his wife.

Was he even in love with Naruto? Was Naruto really in love with him or was he simply misunderstanding his feelings just like Sasuke was?

Karin didn't deserve to be betrayed. Despite Sasuke wanting Naruto so badly, his skin seemed to tingle with the need, could he do it and live with it afterward? Could he keep it from Karin or would it consume him? It saddened him to think of hurting Karin.

"No," he whispered, the realization shocking even to him. "I have no reason to."

Naruto nodded, ever the understanding man, and firmly zipped up Sasuke's jacket almost playfully. Then, he swiftly got up while Sasuke looked up at him, feeling so unbearably overrun with emotions that it seemed unfair that this fact seemed to have lightened up Naruto's mood.

"Then you're going to have to think about us and think about what you want," Naruto affirmed, ruffling Sasuke's hair affectionately. "I can't possibly tell you what to do, and I don't want to be responsible for ruining someone's life."

He then extended his hand, which Sasuke took, and helped the dark-haired one to his feet.

"Whatever you choose to do, I will accept it," Naruto proceeded calmly and confidently once they stood in front of each other. "It's okay, you don't have to give me an answer today, tomorrow, or even a week from now. Just think about it, and think hard. That's all I ask."

Naruto's hand made a move to let go of Sasuke's, but Sasuke grabbed it securely in his.

"I want you, too," he said, through clenched teeth, looking into Naruto's eyes that looked at him so calmly and understandingly, so full of things that were left to say Sasuke almost felt like looking away was too much for him. "I really do, Naruto."

"I know," the blond acknowledged, before sighing tiredly. "Come on, let's head back. I'll drive you home if that's okay with you. It's getting kind of late."

Prying his hand free from Sasuke's, he shoved both his hands inside his pockets and turned around, heading towards the car without another word.

Sasuke stared at his retreating back in an almost dream-like state, unsure of how to feel or what to do. Eventually, he let his feet automatically drag him to the car.

000

Sasuke convinced himself that it was okay to seek Naruto's hand during the drive to his apartment. He had briefly considered if it was a good idea to show Naruto where he lived, but somehow, he just knew that his friend wouldn't use the knowledge to do anything to harm him or his relationship with Karin – he had said so himself.

Naruto had accepted the hand and silently intertwined their fingers before resting their joined hands over his thigh. Once in a while, one of them would risk running a thumb through the other's fingers, and it reminded Sasuke of that fateful night when everything had changed at the beer parlor. It disconcerted him how that awkwardness seemed to have vanished for some reason, even if things were far from being fixed between them.

They arrived at their destination far too quickly, or at least it felt like it to Sasuke. He didn't understand him both wanting desperately to leave and to stay in that car for the rest of the night, even if just to hold hands.

But he had to go, he knew it. They were both physically and emotionally exhausted and being near each other wouldn't help them in any way.

When Sasuke unbuckled his seatbelt Naruto, as usual, offered him one of his beautiful and heartfelt smiles so, as he often found himself doing when around the other, Sasuke acted on instinct, twisting his body in his seat and leaning forward. He was aware of Naruto's attentive eyes on every move, his body language very placid, completely trusting – a trust Sasuke didn't feel like breaking, for both their sakes.

But still, they had been apart for far too long, and there was only so much he could take, so Sasuke didn't hesitate in leaning in and pressing his lips to Naruto's soft scarred cheek, letting them linger there for a bit before pulling slightly away and watching the other's reaction.

Naruto's blue eyes didn't reveal surprise or distaste; instead, he just kept smiling softly, fingers reaching out to pull lightly at one of Sasuke's bangs before saying, "Good night, Sasuke. Have a nice weekend."

Not really knowing what else to say, or do, Sasuke licked his lips – unintentionally catching in his tongue the distinct flavor of Naruto's skin – and moved away.

"You, too, Naruto," was all he said, before grabbing his things and getting out of the car, dreading the restless weekend ahead of him.

TBC…

Chapter Text

It’s Not Fair

Chapter Eight: Turmoil

Neji and Sakura were both Sasuke’s friends, but it wasn’t like the three of them were a trio. Even if it was thanks to Sakura that Neji had met his girlfriend, Ino, the two of them weren’t exactly close and they never really hung out unless either Sasuke or Ino were present. Since those two were far too different from each other, Sasuke tried not to make them meet unless he couldn’t help it. That’s why on the rare times he did ask for their mutual company, the two knew he had something serious to talk about.

Having spent his Saturday visiting Karin’s parents and making a huge effort in pretending that his mind wasn’t somewhere else, Sasuke was practically crawling out of his skin with the agony of his thoughts and the anguish of his feelings by the end of the day. Later that night, he took Karin out to watch a movie she had been nagging him about wanting to see for ages, but the entertainment wasn’t exactly distracting him from his own, very troubled mind.

When Sunday arrived, Sasuke was so on edge he was ready to commit bloody murder. Naruto had told him to think about them, and that was all Sasuke had done ever since they had parted ways, but all the thinking didn’t seem to be going anywhere. If anything, it only made him feel ever more frustrated and confused. The fact that he had everything bottled up inside of him didn’t help, and he desperately needed someone to talk to, someone who didn’t feel the way he felt so they could evaluate the situation from an objective point of view and offer him some advice.

 So, he invited himself – and Sakura – to have lunch at Neji’s . He recalled Neji saying something about going on a date with Ino, but his best friend seemed perceptive of Sasuke’s urgent tone, so he agreed to cancel and have them over. Sakura brought the dessert while Sasuke brought the wine.

They sat at the kitchen table while Neji cooked and Sasuke didn’t feel like wasting time, so he cut right to the chase.

While Neji knew about his new friendship with Naruto, Sakura wasn’t aware of this, so he had to start from the very beginning, from the day he and Naruto met.

The story seemed to take forever to be told. Sasuke needed to tell them everything, he just had to express himself in some way, had to tell them the things he experienced, how they made him feel and had to tell them about the person Naruto was. Neji listened quietly while Sakura looked at him with minty eyes wide and mouth open. She seemed to want to ask questions, but Sasuke wasn’t much of a talker, so the fact that he was shooting words nonstop efficiently kept her silent, listening to the very end. By the time he was almost finished, they were in the middle of their meal, the one only Neji seemed to be ingesting with his natural stoic elegance.

“I can’t sleep, I can’t focus, I can’t think about anything but him,” Sasuke said agitatedly, holding his third glass of wine tightly in both hands and vaguely wondering why the hell he wasn’t drunk yet. “What the fuck am I supposed to do? I don’t even know what he wants me to do. He tells me he can’t possibly tell me what to do, but then says that I should think about us and how he doesn’t want to be the second best…”

“Now hold on, Sasuke; this is way too much information in one go!” Sakura interrupted, lifting one perfectly manicured hand to stop his rant, and placing the other one over her chest. “Calm the hell down and give me a minute to let it sink, will you?”

“How the fuck am I supposed to calm down?” Sasuke snapped, reaching out for the bottle and pouring himself more wine. “Do you have any idea just how torturing these last few weeks have been for me?”

“Shut up, and let me think!” Sakura snapped back, snatching the bottle from him and also refilling her glass. She slammed the bottle back on the table and took a few healthy gulps before lowering the glass and breathing in and out a few times. Then, she looked at Sasuke, confused. “A guy , Sasuke? I mean, are you like, gay or something and never knew about it?”

“No!” Sasuke retorted, frowning heavily. “At least I don’t think so. He’s the first and only guy I’ve ever been attracted to.”

“But you like him,” Sakura pointed out, making a weird face. “And you almost willingly kissed him, too! I don’t even know what to think!”

“I kind of had the feeling that something like this would happen,” Neji stated placidly, playing with the food on his plate without really looking at the other two. “I should’ve guessed that Sasuke, being the way he is, wouldn’t be so excited about another person if there wasn’t some kind of deeper interest.”

“Well, you should’ve told me if you were suspecting something!” Sasuke growled, glaring at his friend reproachfully and earning another glare in return.

“Please, Sasuke, from the things you told me about him, the guy was into you from the very beginning,” Neji said. “And you were so excited about him, it was just a matter of time before something was bound to reveal itself.” He smirked nastily. “For someone with such a high IQ, you sure are oblivious.”

Sasuke’s eyes narrowed as he took another sip of his drink.

"Okay, so you've been talking about this guy and about how much you think about him, but," Sakura shook her head , finally picking up her chopsticks and absently poking at her fish . "What exactly do you think about? Fucking him?"

Sasuke almost spit his wine out at the blunt question but managed to swallow just in time before coughing a bit.

"No, Sakura; geez!" he spat, setting his glass down and reaching for his napkin so he could wipe at his mouth. "It's already weird enough that he's a guy, let alone thinking about sex and who puts what where." He waved his hand dismissively, trying to ignore the heat forming in his cheeks. "Just... no . I wouldn't even know where to start."

Sakura didn’t look convinced as she raised a pink eyebrow. "So?"

Sasuke sighed, leaning back on his chair. "I don't know," he said, looking down at his untouched plate of food. "I do think about some stuff that is sexual, but mostly I think about him . About his words, the way he acts, the way he smiles... the way I feel when he is around me and when he... touches me..."

Nothing was said for a while, and noticing the silence, Sasuke looked up only to see his two friends looking at him with identical expressions of surprise. “What?”

"Shit,” Sakura mumbled. “You are in love with him!"

Blinking a few times at her, Sasuke made a face. “Excuse me?”

"Come on, if you spend more time thinking about spending time with him than you do about getting in his pants, that's a sign!" Sakura noted, looking completely shocked. "I've never seen you like this; like, ever !"

Sasuke’s back was stiff on defensive instinct. There was no way he was in love with Naruto. He liked him, sure, he even admitted to fantasizing a tiny little bit about him, but being in love was something completely different and it brought all sorts of complications to his already chaotic mind.

Sasuke shook his head with a small, dry laugh. “You’re going down the wrong road here. In love? Please, I’m married. I like Naruto, but it’s Karin I’m in love with.”

“Then you only want to fuck Naruto?” Sakura persisted relentlessly, causing Neji to sigh tiredly.

“You’re not helping, Sakura,” he said.

“I don’t want to fuck him!” Sasuke hissed, becoming increasingly annoyed.

“Then what do you want from him?” Sakura hissed back, sharp as a knife. “Because, the way I see it, either you’re going completely senile, or you’re in denial.”

“I’m not in denial,” Sasuke retorted coolly. “I just admitted to being attracted to him, but that doesn’t mean I want to fuck him! Maybe I just want to kiss and touch and simply be around him. I’ve never been with another guy, Sakura; it doesn’t have to revolve around sex.”

Sakura rolled her eyes in exasperation. “Knowing you the way I do, and I’m sure Neji agrees that you do have deeper feelings for him. Whether you admit it or not is up to you,” she grunted, throwing a long strand of pink hair over her shoulder arrogantly. “So now it’s up to you to understand what you want from him, and how that will affect your relationship with Karin.”

“Karin has nothing to do with this,” Sasuke interjected quickly.

“How can you say that?” Neji inquired, looking at him with a dumbfounded expression. “She’s your wife. If you’re thinking about someone else, then something has to be wrong with your marriage.”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Sasuke assured with an impatient huff. Why weren’t his friends able to understand him? “I love her, there’s no doubt about it. My feelings for her and my feelings for Naruto aren’t related at all. She gives me everything I want and I don’t want to leave her for something that might simply be a fling.”

“Then don’t,” Neji’s short but serious reply sounded almost like a command. “Don’t risk a healthy relationship for something you’re not sure about. It’s common sense.”

Nibbling on his lower lip, Sasuke closed his eyes, angry and frustrated beyond himself. They didn’t understand.

“I am sure about it,” he hissed. “At least some part of it. I know I want something from him. But I don’t know how to get it without giving anything up.”

Even with his eyes closed, he could feel his friends having some sort of telepathic conversation through eye contact. A warm, soft hand was placed upon the curve of his elbow and he opened his eyes to see Sakura looking at him, her own eyes now filled with compassion.

“Look, I know this is hard on you,” she said, choosing a gentler tone of voice. “But you can’t have it all, Sasuke.”

“Naruto said the same thing,” he muttered.

“He’s wiser than you, then,” the girl said, with a faint smile. “You have three options: cheat on Karin and risk being overwhelmed by guilt if you’re not caught first; get a divorce and be with Naruto, or just forget about it. If you don’t think it’s worth it, just tell Naruto that you don’t want to lose his friendship and move on. Someone is bound to get hurt anyway, and you know it. It’s not something you can avoid, considering the situation.”

Sasuke all but scowled at wise words but that sounded more than a little vain to him at the moment.

“I don’t want to cheat on her,” he hissed, frowning and trembling slightly with the seemingly thousands of different emotions running through him. “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. She means the world to me, and I hate myself every single time I think about kissing Naruto.”

Sakura’s eyes were sad, rubbing a thumb over his arm in what was supposed to be a calming gesture. Neither she nor Neji seemed to want to interrupt him anymore.

“But Naruto gets to me in ways no one did before,” Sasuke proceeded, bringing one hand up to his chest as if it would alleviate the weight there. “Maybe I am in love with him, or maybe I’m just overwhelmed. I think so much about us, about him , but my mind is a mess, I don’t even know how to be rational.”

The blatant and honest confession seemed to surprise Sakura even more.

“Sasuke…”

“I don’t know what to do.” Now that he had started, he didn’t seem to know how to stop. “I don’t want to cheat on Karin, and I’m scared Sakura. I’m scared of letting everything go because of him and then regretting it. But there’s something about him. He’s so fucking perfect without even trying. Not perfect as a person, but perfect for me , for the type of person I am. And I’ve looked for that all my life. I thought that there would never be someone like Karin.”

Sakura seemed to have lost the ability to breathe, her eyes shining with unshed tears for him, and Sasuke hated the compassionate look, hated that it only reinforced the fact that, no matter how you looked at it, he was in deep shit. Still, it felt good to not only talk about it but also to express his true feelings regarding Naruto. Even Neji’s eyes on him were heavy and solemn now, a new dimension to Sasuke’s issue making itself known. No one seemed all that willing to touch their food anymore.

“I want to let go, but I can’t simply walk away from him,” Sasuke finished, heaving a painful sigh. “I’ll kill myself thinking about what could’ve been. I don’t want that regret either. Maybe I’m misunderstanding everything and it’s all about lust and me wanting to fuck him. If that is so, I should just indulge once and get it off my system just to get it all over with.”

Neji’s hand was quick to reach for his shoulder, startling him.

“Don’t,” he said, shaking his head and looking at Sasuke intensely. “You’ll only hurt Naruto. From what you’ve told us, he seems to like you. Unlike you, his mind is clear, and being single, he has nothing to worry about, so his heart is completely focused on you.”

Sasuke bit his lip. Of course, he knew that. He knew that Naruto was more than willing to jump into whatever it was that was happening between them without a second thought and let fate carry them towards whatever it was that would become of them. He didn’t have a wife as Sasuke did, didn’t have conservative parents that were likely to react negatively if he’d ever suddenly decided he wanted to be with another man.

Sasuke knew that, if he said yes, Naruto would give his everything and change his life completely because he was that kind of person. Toying with his feelings would break him, and no matter what he thought or what he had said, Sasuke knew he didn’t want to hurt him.

Eyeing Neji back helplessly, he silently begged for something. He needed something, some kind of solution, some kind of exit to his despair because he couldn’t deal with things the way they were, he’d go crazy.

“Look,” Neji began, with a soft sigh, massaging Sasuke’s shoulder in a clumsy way that wasn’t comforting at all. “I can’t make your decisions for you. But if you’re not sure about it, maybe you should take a step back, just like Sakura was saying. You’re like a teenager with his first crush. You don’t even know how you feel. Maybe you just need time away from him and his feelings. Maybe you just need to clear your head and be away from him for a while. Maybe your feelings will reveal themselves and you’ll find out you were just being impulsive.”

Sasuke made a face , almost growling in frustration . Didn’t his friend listen to a fucking word he had said? Didn’t he pay attention to what he wanted, to what he didn’t want, to how he fucking felt ? He opened his mouth to protest, only to close it again when Neji’s hand squeezed his shoulder firmly, shaking him a bit for emphasis as if hoping that the gesture would force him to put his feet back on the ground.

“You have a great relationship with Karin, something so many people look for and some never find,” Neji stated, and the steady, wise and so abhorrently rational way he said it made Sasuke feel naïve and cornered. “I wouldn’t give that up for anything, not when you’ve fought so hard to build what you have with her, not when it was so hard for you to open up your heart. You barely know him, Sasuke. You just don’t know how to respond to automatically liking another person, and that’s fine. But while it feels like so much right now, in a few weeks it may be gone.”

Sasuke blinked at Neji, feeling more at loss than before.

Neji was right, undoubtedly. Sasuke admitted that this was all new, that he had no experience whatsoever in liking people so quickly, let alone feeling attracted to them and having them feel the same way about him. He knew he was way out of his comfort zone and that all of it fascinated him and made him hungry for more. He knew he couldn’t possibly look at himself and Naruto objectively, thus the reason why he had come to his friends for help, and still, he had predicted their reactions and their words, which didn’t make it any easier to swallow. He had hoped that, if he expressed his distress, they would offer another kind of advice. Either that, or he was just hoping they would encourage him to pursue Naruto. But they hadn’t, not even Sakura, despite her never having liked Karin all that much.

“It’ll be alright,” Sakura said, offering him a small, hesitant smile. “You’ll see.”

Looking down at his plate, Sasuke scowled. Somehow he highly doubted that.

000

It was six in the morning on Monday, and after yet another sleepless night, Sasuke stood on the balcony of his bedroom, still dressed in his pajama pants and a t-shirt, a lit cigarette dangling from his lips. It was still dark and the air was chilly, but his mind was too troubled and his body didn’t seem to feel the cold.

With his arms resting on the iron rail, he looked down at his mobile phone, his eyes staring at Naruto’s number. He could hear the shower running behind him in the bathroom of their room and Karin humming some silly pop song, completely out of tune.

As Naruto had requested of him, he had thought about them hard. It seemed like thinking about the other man was all he had been able to do during those two days. The problem was, it hadn’t really helped him in any way and he was still as lost and torn as he had been from the very beginning.

His friends had been honest and objective, as he had expected them to be. They hadn’t been wrong in the things they had said, he knew it, but they weren’t Sasuke; they didn’t know what he was going through, and neither did they understand that things weren’t so easily solved as they thought.

If he could just dismiss his feelings for Naruto, he would’ve done it without a second thought. But, while he thought he could’ve lived with them without acknowledging them before, now that it was clear that what he and Naruto had was mutual, he couldn’t simply ignore it. Who could ignore an elephant just sitting in a cramped room? Who could look away when they know that the object of their affection wants them just as much?

If anything, hearing Naruto’s words only made Sasuke want him more. Like the opening of an unknown door, the possibilities were endless, and to have Naruto willingly waiting for him with open arms…

Seriously, who could not want it? Who would not want to have a taste of something like that?

But there was just so much at stake, and as much as it pained him to admit, he was scared as he’d never been in his entire life.

Chewing on his lower lip, Sasuke debated on whether to call Naruto or not. More than wanting to talk about them, he felt like he was driving himself crazy the more he thought about him. Not only that, the more thinking he did, the more it was making him yearn for the blond.

Sasuke didn’t even know what he expected to accomplish when he pressed the call button and brought the phone to his ear. The way his heart sped up in anticipation made him feel nauseous, and he wasn’t even sure if Naruto would pick up since it was still too early. Calling at such an ungodly hour wasn’t a very polite thing to do, now that he thought about it. Naruto was probably asleep, so it was likely that he’d be mad at Sasuke for waking him up.

Two ‘beeps’ later and Sasuke was ready to hang up, but in the middle of the third one, he picked up.

"Sasuke," Naruto's greeting voice was steady and very much awake, which shouldn’t be surprising, and yet, Sasuke wasn’t sure how much this was somehow either reassuring or worrying. However, hearing Naruto’s voice made his breath hitch and his heart feel more at ease. "Good morning."

"Good morning," Sasuke greeted. Unnecessarily, he added, "Did I wake you?"

"Nah, I was already tossing around in bed; I'm not sleepy anymore."

Throwing his cigarette to the streets below, Sasuke swallowed hard. "Okay."

Neither said anything for a while until Naruto grew uncomfortable and cleared his throat.

"So," he said, in an obvious false casual tone. "How was the weekend?"

"It was... long," Sasuke replied, feeling his muscles tense involuntarily, his free hand grasping the rail intensely. "Naruto, I..."

Unsure of what he wanted to say, he closed his mouth. He had no idea why he had called his friend in the first place, only that the urge to do so had led him to it, but now he felt stupid.

"I'm right here," Naruto said gently, sensing his distress. "Talk to me."

Taking a deep breath, Sasuke closed his eyes, feeling his body shake for reasons that had nothing to do with the cold. "Karin is taking a shower. I don't... I can’t…"

"I see."

"I just wanted to talk to you," Sasuke admitted, in barely a whisper. "My head is a mess."

"I told you; you don't have to kill yourself over it."

"Yeah, because it's that easy..."

"It hasn't been easy for me either,” Naruto admitted back, sighing so sweetly it made Sasuke’s stomach flip at the memory of lips whispering in his ear. “I’m glad you called, though. I was almost going nuts thinking about you.”

Sasuke closed his eyes, his chin connecting with his chest. He felt so stupid at the moment because every time Naruto said something out of context it made him feel so pleased and warm inside, and yet, these feelings never failed to make him feel miserable because he knew he shouldn’t feel them. “Why do you always say such things?” he asked, in a tired whisper.

“Say what?” Naruto replied easily. “That I miss you? That I spend every waking hour thinking about you? That talking to you makes me feel happier than I’ve been during the whole weekend? I promised myself I wouldn’t hide the way I feel anymore.”

Sasuke removed his hand from the rail and placed it over his chest. Such a gesture seemed to have become frequent, but then again, so did his lack of oxygen.

“Naruto…”

“Just thinking about how I’m going to see you later today makes me happy.”

Why did Naruto have to replicate everything he felt? Why couldn’t he just be another guy? Why couldn’t it just be one-sided? If Naruto didn’t feel this way about him, Sasuke was sure his life would’ve been easier.

“You don’t know me,” he said, trying to steady his breathing.

“My heart does,” was Naruto’s simple answer. “That’s all I need to know.”

“And you trust your heart?” Sasuke inquired quietly. “Even if it ends up hurting you?”

There was a small hint of a smile on Naruto’s voice now. “Always. I’d rather be hurt than pass up on the chance to feel the way I do.”

Sasuke couldn’t reply to that. He only wished he could be as brave as Naruto, or at least be able to afford it.

“God,” he groaned, rubbing his face with his hand in frustration. “Fuck…”

“Listen,” Naruto replied, again using that gentle voice of his. “I told you to think about it, but we have time, Sasuke. We can get to know each other better. Just because we like each other it doesn’t mean that we have to act upon it so soon . I’d never force you to do something you’re uncomfortable with, and as I said, I don’t want you to cheat on your wife.” Sasuke swallowed hard, Naruto’s words soothing him slightly. “Can’t we just… enjoy this for what it is, for now? Please? Don’t look at it like it’s some sort of disease when it’s not . It's a good thing, Sasuke; it’s new and it’s ours. We’ll take one step at a time so you can figure things out for yourself, and if things get complicated, then we’ll see how we can deal with it. Don’t mix this with your marriage. Technically, nothing is going on between us, so there’s no need for you to think about unnecessary stuff. Okay?”

It sounded so simple, so easy, and while Sasuke knew that it wasn’t a solution, and neither was it one that completely made him feel satisfied – not that he knew which solution was – it provided some peace to his troubled mind more than anything else.

“Okay,” he said quietly. Just then, he heard the shower being turned off and sighed. “I have to go.”

“Alright,” Naruto said understandingly. “See ya later?”

“Yeah.”

“Get some sleep, Sasuke.”

“You too.”

Talking to Naruto was always something that made him feel torn. The glee he felt was equal only to the pain it brought, and yet, Sasuke was never more at peace in a distorted way. Hanging up on the phone call was a hard task, but he knew he had to leave that dream world he shared with Naruto and go back to his reality.

“Sasuke, what are you doing, it’s freezing out there!” Karin’s worried voice said from behind him, from inside their room. Taking a few deep, calming breaths, Sasuke turned around and went back to the house. He slid the glass door closed and leaned against it. From across the room, Karin had her back to him and was rummaging through their wardrobe with only a towel wrapping around her elegant, droplets of water falling from her vivid red hair and rolling down pale skin that Sasuke knew to be soft as silk.

Karin was an attractive woman, no matter how you looked at it. As she removed the towel from around her body and let it fall to the ground, Sasuke allowed his eyes to roam over her lean and naked figure, watching attentively the gentle curve of her hips and the round, firm shape of her buttocks. Just like Sasuke himself, she liked to work out, so to say that she was in perfect shape was an understatement. Karin was the kind of woman who could pull off any kind of outfit she wanted because everything about her was just proportional with just the right amount of breasts, just the right width of shoulders, just the right size of curvy hips . It had taken him a while to feel sexual attraction towards her, but them starting a relationship had helped, and she was always interesting in bed, to say the least.

Looking at her now made Sasuke understand that his marriage wasn’t being compromised by his situation with Naruto because, if he wanted it, he could easily go to her and start messing around – he’d have no problem getting hard. He still had feelings for her, after all, he still cherished her and the relationship they had. It was relieving to know that he was still able to separate his feelings so neatly despite everything that had happened in the last few weeks.

Crossing his arms, he licked his lips. Maybe Naruto was right and he didn’t have to make such a big drama. Even if he knew that the way he felt for Karin and the way he felt for Naruto were two, very different things, in his mind, he was always scared that the two might influence each other and disrupt the natural balance of both relationships. If he learned how to cope with it, at least for a while, maybe he could enjoy his days without feeling so helpless and frustrated.

Yes, he thought, nodding to himself. If he embraced what was happening with Naruto instead of just worrying, maybe he could feel less frustrated and not think so much about Naruto whenever he went home to Karin. Maybe he could be with Naruto without cheating but at the same time give himself the chance to go back to enjoying the other man’s company without fear.

Maybe as time went by, he could find the answers he was seeking to make a decision. If Naruto was willing to be patient, then he would make use of his goodwill.

“Instead of ogling my ass, you should just get here and feel it already.” Karin’s teasing tone took him out of his musings. She was now turned to him, her hand over her hip, already wearing a silky dark blue bra with matching knickers that were flattering in their lacy sexiness. She had the most amazing set of breasts, too, and Sasuke sure had seen his share back in the day.

Despite himself, Sasuke smirked at her. “Tease me some more and I’ll make sure you’ll be late for work.”

She smiled back, a mischievous look bringing a gleam to her cherry-colored eyes. She approached the bed between them and climbed on it on her hands and knees. “Well, I do have to make it up to you for always waking up early to keep me company whenever I have to work this particular shift,” she replied, with a seductive jiggle of her rear. “I won’t be late if we make it quick?”

Well, Sasuke thought to himself. He was a lucky guy as far as his marriage was concerned, wasn’t he? Most of the time all he had to do was watch Karin more intently and she’d always be ready and willing for sex on the spot unless she was sick or at that time of the month. How many guys could say the same about their wives, no matter how young they were?

Pushing all thoughts of things that had plagued him during the weekend, he smoothly uncrossed his arms and made his way toward the bed.

TBC…

Chapter Text

It's Not Fair

Chapter Nine: One Step Forward

Seeing Naruto that day was like an out-of-body experience for Sasuke after such an emotionally turbulent weekend. It seemed like, no matter how many days passed or how many times the same scene would play out, he could never get used to the way his heart chose to pound so powerfully in his chest every time he set eyes on his blond co-worker. It wasn't something he could explain, and he was unsure if it was an unpleasant feeling or one of the best things he had ever experienced, emotionally wise. He didn't like the way he felt sick to his stomach, but at the same time, there was that tingling feeling that ran over him from head to toe, and that wonderful warmth that filled him all over, all of it amazing.

Just seeing Naruto's joyful face made Sasuke happy. Happiness shouldn't be something so trivial, so easy to achieve, and yet, Sasuke found it whenever he saw that smile and those lively, oh-so-amazing blue eyes.

The Teacher's Lounge was packed by the time he got there, so he couldn't walk over to Naruto to talk to him, since he was already surrounded by some of their colleagues. Of course, his visual focus was all on Sasuke the moment he entered the room, and the smile he threw at him was big enough to make Sasuke forget his name for a few seconds.

A little dazed, the Uchiha made his way to where Genma and Shikamaru were standing together and looking positively bored. Since it was only a few weeks till the end of the school year, everybody seemed to be making plans for a big farewell party or something of the sort. From what Sasuke could gather, some of them wanted to ask the headmaster if they could borrow the school for a night, while others thought it would be best if they all went out for dinner and drinks.

Sasuke was thankful that the two male Music teachers were close to his very treasured coffee machine. He poured himself a cup, refraining from offering them coffee since they were each holding their cup.

"Damn, I don't want to go to no farewell party or whatever," Shikamaru sighed on Sasuke's right side, as the three of them leaned on the cabinet and watched the commotion around them. "It's just a stupid excuse for people to make out for no apparent reason with other people they supposedly don't even like."

"Well, that's not the bad part of it, is it?" Genma teased beside Shikamaru, elbowing him playfully. "We could even get lucky, Shika. It's the forced socialization I'm not too fond of. And the fact that I have to spend money I could be saving for another drum set."

"You're such a cheapskate," Sasuke said, leaning over so he could see Genma over Shikamaru, smirking a bit. "I thought you'd be thrilled to have an excuse to get drunk."

"Ah, you think so lowly of me, Uchiha?" Genma retorted, smirking back amicably. "Whatever these fuckers decide to do, I'm game if you guys are. I'm not going to throw myself into the lions' den all by myself."

Shikamaru sighed yet again, slurping loudly on his coffee. "We'll see."

Sasuke took a sip from his mug, his gaze landing on a familiar mane of sunny hair. Naruto was cheerfully talking to Temari and TenTen, gesticulating wildly and making both women laugh. Even though Sasuke couldn't hear what was being said over the loud chatter all around the room, he couldn't help but smile a bit at the spray of energy that radiated from him.

When the bell rang, signaling the start of classes, everybody made their orderly way out towards their respective classrooms. At some point, Naruto managed to catch up with Sasuke, as usual, and they shared a brief, silent look between them. The halls were packed with teachers and helpers barking out orders and kids running around, yelling and laughing.

A firm, yet gentle hand was placed at the small of Sasuke's back. It wasn't meant to be an intimate gesture, but it made his body tense all the same for all the right reasons. It felt reassuring to finally have Naruto so close, and, after two days of longing, the contact felt like a small blessing.

"Wanna hang out later?" Naruto asked naturally, smiling a bit.

"I'd like to, but I can't," Sasuke replied, his hands restless inside the pockets of his jeans. "My brother is visiting. Family reunion dinner and all that."

If Naruto was disheartened by this, he didn't show it, his hand lingering on Sasuke for longer than what would be considered necessary. "Okay, then," he said, nodding. "Then, can I at least walk you to the station?"

Sasuke managed to open his mouth to agree, but then Naruto's proximity abandoned him completely, and all he could see was his friend being projected forward after being violently tackled by one of his younger students. It was a tiny red-haired girl that was now hanging from Naruto's neck, her small legs wrapping around his torso, her body glued to his back. Naruto stopped in his tracks, a bit taken aback by the assault, and so did Sasuke.

"Naruto, I have makeup on!" The girl chirped jovially in her childish, cute voice. Sasuke couldn't help but chuckle slightly. "Do I look pretty?"

"That sounds great, Midori, but I can't see your face," Naruto said with a laugh, his hands coming behind him to support the girl. She was so adorable she looked like a little porcelain doll, Sasuke noticed. Her lips had a rosier tone than normal and there was a light brown eyeshadow on her eyelids. She was hugging Naruto's neck tightly, smiling radiantly. "You are my prince charming and should carry me to your castle! It's made of gold, isn't it? Because my prince charming has to be rich!"

"Sure," Naruto said, turning to Sasuke and winking at him while grinning. "My castle has lots of books and crayons, and little flutes made of gold that I expect my princess to know how to play correctly sometime soon."

"Noooo, my servants should play the flute for me!" the child – Midori – said, pointing at other children that were quickly gathering around Naruto and looking smug. "Look, guys, I'm Naruto's princess!"

"No, I am Naruto's princess!" another girl whined, grabbing the blonde's leg and tugging on his pants.

"No, you're one of my servants!" Midori exclaimed, sticking her tongue out.

"I'm not a servant!" a boy said, sounding offended. "And Naruto can't be your prince, he's too old! Your mom will be mad at you for saying that."

Sasuke had to conceal his chuckle behind his hand as the growing pile of kids that surrounded Naruto started arguing about princesses and castles and who was a servant and who wasn't. Naruto rolled his eyes at Sasuke and had the decency of looking apologetic as another girl tackled his front, hugging him from the neck and yelling an excited "I wanna be carried, too!"

"'I'll see you later, Naruto," Sasuke said with condescendence. "I'll wait for you outside."

"Please, do," Naruto replied hopefully, trying not to fall with the weight of the kids around him.

Sasuke proceeded to go on his way to another hall, feeling strangely endeared, as he always did, by the love those kids had for his co-worker and by Naruto's extreme patience. Some of Sasuke's students also tackled him from time to time, but since Sasuke was usually a moody person, they didn't try it every day, and neither would he allow it or he was sure he'd never have the right posture to keep them in line anymore.

But he didn't feel jealous of Naruto's aptitude with the kids anymore. Sasuke didn't want to be a teacher his whole life, so he had no interest in being at Naruto's level in that department.

Still, he liked to watch him from the sidelines and appreciate how Naruto's natural light seemed to draw everybody to him and make them love him without a lot of effort. Now, he simply appreciated him for who he was. Naruto had taught him so much and showed him so many things about being human… Even if it was turning Sasuke's life and the way he saw the world completely upside down, the truth was, the dark-haired male was deeply thankful for having met him and for all the wonderful, albeit twisted things he forced him to experience.

Naruto never once tried to change him, and yet, he was, and the strangest thing was, Sasuke was going along with it, and willingly so.

Knowing that he was probably taking a journey he wouldn't know how to return from was something Sasuke still didn't know how he felt about. But that was what he was more than anxious to find out.

000

At the end of the day, Naruto and Sasuke walked side by side toward the train station. Sasuke always felt guilty about letting his friend waste his time walking with him, but at the same time, his selfish side enjoyed Naruto's company and relished in knowing that the other male wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.

They were abnormally close to each other, their arms bumping more often than not. Sasuke would usually have a cigarette dangling from his lips by then, but now that he knew Naruto wasn't exactly a smoker, he didn't feel like smoking, and neither did he wish to tempt the other to do it. Even if Naruto smoking again because of him was flattering in a way, Sasuke didn't want him to harm himself because of it.

Looking at Naruto, he noticed the blond looking back at him. He seemed torn between smiling and an odd seriousness that was brought on by hesitance, mixed with that familiar wonder that made Sasuke feel rather exclusive.

"You really are pretty," Naruto said, completely out of the blue. Sasuke frowned heavily at the choice of words, so when he looked away and started walking faster, Naruto seemed to realize he had probably said something not very proper. "Oh, I didn't mean it like that!" he corrected apologetically, easily falling into step with the Uchiha.

It was a compliment, Sasuke knew, and it made him feel both stupid and giddy, but 'pretty' wasn't exactly an adjective he liked being directed at him.

"Then what did you mean?" Sasuke hissed, his natural defensive side causing him to sound dry.

"I don't know which word to use, so I just… used Midori's word," Naruto replied, quickly. "I don't know how to compliment another guy, Sasuke. I never had such thoughts about another man, so I don't know how to say something nice without sounding… well… stupid and…"

"Gay?" Sasuke offered, rolling his eyes, even if he could relate to his dilemma. "Because calling me 'pretty' is so manly."

Naruto sighed and placed his hand on Sasuke's shoulder to make him stop. Sasuke turned to him in exasperation, not knowing how to feel in times like this.

"Tell me how I should compliment you, then," Naruto asked, sincerely. "Because I want to. I always want to, but I don't know how to."

Sasuke didn't know where his annoyance had come from, or why it was dissipated so easily by Naruto's honest tone. He didn't know how to feel sometimes, because they were both guys, and even though that fact was pretty obvious, some dark part of him seemed to fear that Naruto would want to push that detail aside and deal with him as he would deal with a girl. It was a silly way to think, but sometimes, it seemed, Sasuke's subconscious wanted to find reasons for him to be annoyed at Naruto, even with things that made him happy.

Truth was, he often wanted to tell Naruto how he felt and how he looked to him, but these things were usually the main catalysts of the sort of intensity between them that Sasuke was still trying to adapt to, so he didn't feel confident enough to go there yet, and not outdoors, in public.

Not to say that he didn't like that intensity or that he wasn't eager to test it somewhere soon because every moment with Naruto felt like walking on thin glass. Sasuke had a very good idea of how things might turn out once it broke, but that only made the path towards it sound all the more appealing to him.

Knowing that he felt this way pained him, though. He had just made love to Karin that same morning, all the while trying to bask in everything that he knew, on how he felt when he was with her, inside her, trying to find something greater than what he felt for Naruto, something unique, just… that little something that made more sense, that was just so much more, but… he couldn't grasp it. It wasn't like he felt less for her now than he did before, but somehow, it felt off. Sure, it had been good, and sexy, and everything he was used to, but…

Why was there always a 'but'? Sex was supposed to feel good. After so many years of being together, it was only normal that it felt familiar and somewhat predictable. He already knew every corner of Karin's body, what she liked and what she didn't like. They knew each other so well they understood when to give in when the other needed to be in charge so the other could feel loved and accomplished. It always felt good.

For the first time, though, Sasuke had wondered about what it would feel like to have Naruto underneath him instead. In his rational mind, he knew it would always feel different because Naruto was male, but he hadn't been able to stop his mind from wondering and wandering. Would Naruto submit to him, or would he want to take the lead instead? Would Naruto be loud and eager, or quietly responsive? If they had sex, would they even take things slowly, experimentally, or would they lose themselves in a wave of lust and desperation?

And when Sasuke came to, in the middle of making love to his wife, realizing that he had been fantasizing about sex with Naruto, he felt lost and more than a little guilty. Relating Naruto to actual sex wasn't something he had exactly thought about up until that point, and having it happen when he was with Karin had been quite a shock to Sasuke. Needless to say that he had felt rather miserable about it, too.

He didn't understand why the conflicting emotions inside him had to be so fucking tiring.

"I don't know," he said, honestly, shrugging. "Just… don't. I'm a guy, I don't need my ego being fed with bullshit."

"It's not bullshit," Naruto contradicted as if Sasuke implying it was offensive to him. "I do think you're very attractive. I mean… every time I look at you, I just…"

"Naruto," Sasuke interrupted firmly, shaking his head from side to side. His muscles felt like jelly, but his expression remained stern, one hand moving to be placed upon Naruto's on his shoulder. "I'm serious. Don't. Not now; not here."

Realization dawned on Naruto as his eyes became wider. He swallowed hard and simply nodded, his cheeks gaining an appealing pinkish hue. Sasuke grabbed his hand and squeezed it, looking deeply into those depths of sapphire blue as if they could provide some form of an answer. Naruto scared him beyond reason, but that only made Sasuke all the more eager to conquer that fear, because that was the kind of person he was. He never backed down, never cowered up, and if there was something he really, truly wanted, he would get it, no matter what – it was in his blood.

Don't look at it like it's some sort of disease when it's not. It's a good thing, Sasuke; it's new and it's ours.

Indeed, Sasuke thought, refraining from smiling because he knew it would be sad.

They were relatively distanced from the school and the commotion of parents and children, so Sasuke felt that it was safe to bring Naruto's hands to his mouth, his lips softly brushing over knuckles that were anything but delicate. He watched his friend's reaction closely, noticing that Naruto looked even more surprised at that, swallowing hard in evident embarrassment and fascination. The blond was usually very expressive and confident, but sometimes, he looked so young and easily flustered Sasuke wanted to tease him into oblivion. Times like these made him realize the effect he had on his friend, and his heart would refuse to focus on anything else. It made him believe that Sakura was probably right when she said he was in love.

Letting the hand fall, Sasuke intertwined their fingers together, enjoying how Naruto accepted the action so easily as he stared at him in that way that expressed just how much he felt but didn't voice.

Why was everything so easy between them? And why did it have to be like this? Why couldn't they have met before? It brought a bitter taste to his mouth that he felt sure that, had he met Naruto before ever meeting Karin, he would've probably never been involved with her in the first place. If he was single at that moment, he was sure that he and Naruto wouldn't be in this impasse any longer.

If he was in love with Naruto, then… What could he do? How could he know that, as Neji had said, it wasn't just some crush or just them both being overwhelmed by each other? What if they didn't fit as lovers? What if Naruto ended up finding some girl and fell for her at some point? What if what they felt faded away once everything stopped being a novelty?

Sasuke didn't want to think about it. It hurt too much to think that he'd ever lose the way Naruto made him feel or the way Naruto felt for him. But that was why he was so scared of simply letting Karin go for something so uncertain.

But, if there was something the weekend had taught him was that Naruto's existence was something he could no longer dismiss because he liked him that much.

"I have to go," Sasuke said impassively, even if his fingers caressed Naruto's, even if he wanted nothing more than to hold him and quell that stupid, irrational longing. "I can't miss the train."

Naruto swallowed hard again but nodded, slowly. "Yeah, okay."

With their hands linked, they quietly made the rest of their way towards the train station, oblivious to anything but each other. The gentle tension was welcomed but strained.

As he usually did, Naruto walked him to the platform, but there were still five minutes until Sasuke's train arrived so, even though it was rush hour and the place was filled with people, they found a little corner behind a tall lamp and waited there, with their backs against the wall. It wasn't like they were doing anything out of the ordinary, but a few individuals had thrown nasty looks their way because of their linked hands and both felt self-conscious – not that it had made them release each other.

"So…" Naruto started in his innocent way after a couple of minutes, looking at his feet. They were side by side, their arms crushed together. Sasuke kept his other hand stubbornly inside his pocket. He felt so good like that, just basking in Naruto's closeness that his body seemed to be having issues coping with it. His hands – both of them – itched to touch more, to stop that frustrating hunger. He had craved for Naruto for two whole days; had craved for his voice, for his presence, for his touch, and now he was there, sharing that thing that was theirs and it was as agonizing as being away from him. "I want to spend more time with you, so I was wondering if… maybe you'd want to have lunch with me tomorrow, at my place? We'll cook something and then go to work together?"

Sasuke struggled to make his throat work. "I thought you said you lived with your Godfather."

Naruto turned his face to him and smiled briefly before shrugging. "Kind of. But he won't bother us, I promise."

Sasuke's eyes were unblinking as they stared into Naruto's. He had no idea if being alone at Naruto's place – away from everything and everybody – was a wonderful idea, or a terrible one. It was interesting, that was for sure.

"Alright," he ended up agreeing, without giving it much thought.

Naruto turned to him, leaning his shoulder on the wall and frowning a bit in worry. Entranced, Sasuke watched as his free hand came up to touch his face, the touch warm, slightly sweaty but affectionate in its uncertainty. With his heart pounding in his ears, he didn't stop himself from nuzzling his cheek in the inviting palm. Naruto caught his breath as he watched him, a slightly dazed look causing his eyes to darken.

"Sasuke…" his voice was low and raspy. "I… we're good, aren't we? A lot's been happening, and I don't understand what's going on in your mind right now, but it feels… being here with you feels different, and I don't know exactly what I should do, or how to interpret it…"

A voice filled the air, announcing the arrival of Sasuke's train and cutting the rest of Naruto's sentence.

Sasuke, for his part, felt something within him shatter and come together all in the space of less than a second. All he knew was that he felt like he was falling, the sudden surge of adrenaline taking him by surprise and rushing through him from head to toe as if he was on a rollercoaster, at some high point, waiting to descend at full speed.

They were going to part again.

Despite his previous reservations, before he knew what possessed him, he was leaning forward and brusquely pressing his mouth to Naruto's, only slightly aware of the muffled sound of surprise coming from the other. It wasn't more than a smooch that lasted for about three seconds, but that was enough time for Naruto to find his composure because he pressed his mouth back, just as forcibly, but it was clear that neither knew what to do or how to react to such an unexpected turn of events. Sasuke was too riled up by the fact that he was kind of kissing Naruto and just couldn't find a steady mind to do it properly.

The train was approaching rapidly, the noise filling his ears, so he pulled back for air for just a second before Naruto's hand pulled his face closer and lips descended clumsily over his again in a clear demand for more. Their hands were still linked, but Sasuke pulled the other male close by the collar of his sweater so that their chests could be pressed together. They pecked thrice once, in a noisy and wet frenzy, like inexperienced kids before Sasuke managed to suck on Naruto's lower lip. He received a whimper in return, but at the same time, they both managed to finally process the action of moving their mouths so that their lips could slide over each other, still with too much force and too much eagerness.

It felt weird and painful. It felt new, crazy, and horrible, all at the same time. It was probably the worst make-out session ever, but Naruto's mouth still felt like heaven, and the uncoordinated kiss was like a gift from the gods to placate both their restless spirits. The intensity and the things they were trying to convey to each other were well worth the shock and the way it was all so perfect and disastrous. It didn't bother Sasuke at all, and from the other's enthusiasm, it didn't bother Naruto either. It wasn't so much a kiss as it was an assault of lips and teeth – greedy and uncontrolled, but heart-wrenchingly innocent.

The train stopped in front of them and the distinct sound of doors hissing open made Sasuke jump. He leaned back, feeling dizzy and flustered and barely able to register anything about Naruto's face other than the fact that he was panting and that his skin seemed to be radiating heat.

"I have to… the train…" Sasuke breathed, only to be kissed again. Bliss coursed through him. It wasn't fair, he needed to…

"I'll pick you up tomorrow at ten," Naruto muttered hurriedly against his lips, squeezing Sasuke's hand and stroking his jaw possessively. "Call me later? Please?"

"Yes," Sasuke replied breathlessly. He pressed his mouth to Naruto's one last time in one single deep, rough kiss and pried himself completely away until their bodies were no longer in contact. He shivered at the lack of heat, but Naruto's hand was still holding his, reluctant to let go. Sasuke took one last look at his face, flushed red and lips pleasantly swollen. He looked like he was on cloud nine, and Sasuke bit down hard on his lip, briefly wondering if he should just wait for the next train instead and see if they could find a way to properly kiss each other. It was all so stupid, but his heart was filled with joy and excitement – relief, also – for finally having broken down yet another barrier between them.

Naruto eventually let go of his hand and Sasuke decided to run. After all, his parents were strict on punctuality, and he wasn't sure if his heart could take being with Naruto much longer.

He got inside the already packed train, breathing hard and still feeling like the world was spinning out of control under his feet. He still wanted to see Naruto, though, so he turned around only to find bright blue eyes right in front of him. He was surprised when he was kissed, yet again, and this time, it was gentle and caring, filled with some hidden meaning.

"The doors are about to close. Please, remain distanced from the safety line," a female robotic voice announced, and a second later, they were parting again with a loud smacking noise and Naruto was jumping backward and out of the train, stumbling and almost falling on his ass just in time before the two mechanical doors slid closed. Sasuke hurried to the doors to look outside and check if his friend was alright. He found Naruto standing, still breathing hard but wearing the biggest, goofiest smile Sasuke had ever seen him sport. Sasuke had never seen him look so silly, stunning, and alive.

Naruto waved at him energetically just as the train slowly began moving and Sasuke all but pressed both his hands to the glass in front of him, smiling back weakly. Euphoric, but desolated, he watched as Naruto was left behind and let his head fall until his forehead was resting against the back of his left hand.

It took several seconds for the adrenaline to subside and for his legs to stop shaking. His body felt incredibly light. He realized his lips were now a bit dry so he ran his tongue over them, involuntarily catching a distinct taste – Naruto's taste. Well, not all of it, just Naruto's lips, but it was enough to fill his senses with something he liked.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He had done it; he had kissed Naruto. And fuck, it had been so awkward it was embarrassing. But it had also been something sort of amazing in an unexpected way. Not that he had idealized the first kiss between himself and the blond, but his fantasies had certainly been a little… sexier, to say the least. Still, Sasuke found himself letting out a muffled, helpless snicker. He hadn't been able to help himself, and he had acted on instinct, and clumsy or not, it was done and it had been somewhat special. They were both to blame for the fiasco, at least. Naruto had still been elated, and that alone made Sasuke feel accomplished enough.

He straightened up and arranged his clothes and his bag over his shoulder. Absently, he took a look around and noticed that several pairs of eyes were glued to him, the youngest curious, others patronizing, while others looked reproachful and disgusted. Some people, though, preferred to act like they hadn't noticed anything, focusing on their things, like their books or mobile phones.

Sasuke heaved a long sigh. Of course, as romantic and ridiculous that little scene had been in his mind, he had still kissed another man in public, he was bound to get weird looks. He wasn't used to it, though, and it made him feel uncomfortable and self-conscious.

He leaned his shoulder on the door again and ran a hand through his hair.

There was no doubt in his mind that he was burying himself in deep shit, and yet, there was something that made him want to know how much deeper he could go before it consumed him and he could no longer dig himself out. That was exactly the pull Naruto had on him. Kissing him only made Sasuke realize that what they had was something he had been looking for his whole life – something he hadn't known he needed so ferociously before – and no admonishing words from Neji or Sakura could make him need it any less.

He knew there was no turning back for him, but his uncertainties were still the same. He didn't want to risk everything, didn't want to cheat on Karin, and didn't want to ruin his or Naruto's life. But could he do things properly when his moral values seemed to be constantly shattered whenever Naruto was around?

Sasuke took a shaky breath and crossed his arms over his chest tightly.

One day at a time with Naruto…

TBC…

Chapter Text

It's Not Fair

Chapter Ten: Realities – Part I

Uchiha Itachi was one of the most important people in Sasuke's life, the reason he resented the fact that his older brother lived abroad. More than being a relative, Itachi had always been his confidant, his voice of reason, and someone he could trust with his darkest, most intimate secrets. For years Sasuke had relied on him, looking up to him and relishing in the comfort of his constant presence.

Itachi was a force to be reckoned with, what with his superior intelligence and good looks. He was able to easily achieve everything he put his mind to, and his calm but imposing demeanor made people respect and like him almost instantly. Itachi knew how to deal with people, no matter who they were, what kind of personality they had, or their social status.

He had always been special, and sometimes Sasuke had resented him for it. Only a couple of years previously, by the time Sasuke had graduated from college, did he understand Itachi carried an enormous responsibility on his shoulders and that the pressure everybody put on him was a constant source of unhappiness for him.

Sasuke had never noticed it before, because Itachi always had a smile ready for him, no matter what. Many times, whenever he felt lost or in need of advice, Itachi would listen to him and they'd talk for hours. Itachi's words were always caring and wise, and somehow, he managed to push Sasuke's worries and fears away.

When he announced that he was leaving to work abroad, Sasuke and the rest of his family were devastated. His long years of study and the Uchiha family's dreams for him to become a famous surgeon had all gone down the drain when he claimed that he was going to Europe, to the countryside, to work at a farm with a friend of his. No one understood this sudden decision, but later Itachi would come to Sasuke and confess that he was feeling suffocated and that he'd kill himself if he had to waste another year of his life with his face buried in books and hospitals.

I never had time for myself , Itachi had said, looking sad and slightly resentful. Ever since I started school I was always studying, always striving to impress father and our family. I need to do this. Maybe I'll be back in a few years and finish what I started.

Sasuke could understand him. Neither of their parents had had a proper education, so their father, Fugaku, had always put a lot of pressure on both of them so they could make something of themselves. He didn't mean any harm, but one could only take so much, and as a prodigal son, Itachi had been the more pressured one, hands down.

Still, Sasuke would lie if he said Itachi's absence didn't affect him. The fact that Itachi neglected the necessity of a mobile phone, a computer, or the internet while abroad didn't help, so Sasuke always had to wait for him to call so they could talk.

He was hurt that he had been left behind so easily when he had thought that his bond with Itachi had been stronger than that, but at the same time, he didn't feel like being selfish when his brother was, for once in his life, doing what he wanted and needed to do.

Itachi didn't make a lot of money doing farm work, and since he never accepted their parents' money, he hadn't come home once since he had left. Even after everything that had happened with Naruto, Sasuke couldn't help but be excited and focus solely on his meeting with Itachi. So he went home, took a shower, got dressed, and left with Karin to his parents' place.

Having not seen his older brother since his wedding, Sasuke was thrilled but hesitant to see him. Itachi's pale skin was now slightly tanner, his usually long hair now so long it reached the center of his spine, tied in a loose ponytail, and his previous light frame was now broader and taut with muscles built from hard labor. He was wearing simple clothes compared to what he used to wear – just a pair of worn-out jeans under a plain black t-shirt – but his smile was open and genuine, and in his eyes, a light Sasuke had never seen shone. When they hugged, he felt overwhelmed and shy, but Itachi held him close and kissed his temple, making all feelings of resentment, loss, and longing for his brother replaced by pure forgiveness and elation. Itachi was genuinely happy like never before, and that was worth everything.

Dinner was a joyful, loud, and overly emotional event, with Karin asking never-ending questions and Itachi more than willing to tell his family everything he had been doing while away. He seemed truly enamored with the country life, and his love was so honest it brought a smile to Sasuke's lips he couldn't seem to get rid of. Even if cows, mountains, horses, and other farm animals were all his older brother seemed to talk about.

Their parents told him news of their family - cousins and uncles Sasuke never really cared for. Karin, as per usual, acted as if she was deeply interested just to please his mother, Mikoto, who, also as usual, then proceeded to gossip about every affair of the family she thought worthy of discussion.

While Sasuke enjoyed the casual chat between himself, Itachi, and their father, for some reason, once the rush of reunion faded from his system, the inevitable wave of memories of what had happened a few hours previously assaulted him. There was no stopping the way his mind chose to reminisce for a while, to remember the intensity of the moment and the feel of Naruto's mouth on his. It didn't take long for Sasuke's throat to run dry and for him to feel stupidly twitchy. He didn't even understand if it was uneasiness, guilt, or just the fact that remembering such a thing made his body way too hot for comfort.

There was no denying that he had stepped the line by kissing Naruto. While it had been immensely satisfying and relieving, it had also been the obvious start of something that would undoubtedly progress every time they were alone together. There was no backing away from the urge he had felt, and there was no way he could go back to the way it was before; Sasuke knew that much about himself. He was known as a cool, controlled person, but in the rare times that his heart took the best out of his mind, his impulsive side jumped forwards and he became blindingly reckless. And, as much as it was hard for him to admit, he was at a stage where he didn't know what he would do from now on as far as Naruto was concerned.

He looked at his brother, feeling restless. He couldn't talk to Neji and Sakura again and tell them that he had kissed Naruto – they would freak out, yell at him and tell him that he was stupid and somehow deaf for ignoring their advice.

But… what would Itachi think of him if he told him what was going on? It wasn't just confessing that he was dying to be in an affair - it was also admitting that he was falling hopelessly for another man. His brother had always been caring, had always been the person Sasuke trusted the most in the whole world, and he was sure that Itachi would never ostracize him no matter what.

But he was tired. He was tired of looking for answers, tired of feeling so many things and not being able to experience them fully and do something about them. He was tired of thinking and of not knowing how to act, or what to do.

Still, he felt so irrationally excited that he just wanted to tell the whole world how Naruto made him feel; how everything they did together seemed like such a huge deal for him. It was childish and new. It kind of disgusted him and made him feel all sorts of feelings similar to humiliation, and yet, he had been forced to learn how to cope.

"I'm going to have a smoke," Sasuke announced, getting up from his chair and looking at Itachi. "Care to keep me company?"

"Of course," Itachi said, smiling pleasantly at him. Sasuke placed his hand on Karin's shoulder, which earned him a smile from her before he and his brother left the other three to proceed with their chat.

They easily made their way upstairs, to the room Sasuke used to occupy. Itachi turned on the lights and cleverly locked the door once they were inside. Sasuke took a while to look around and take in the room that once had been his. He was happy to notice that, apart from the things he had taken with him to his apartment after getting married, his mother had kept everything the way it was before he had left the house. It was still neat and mostly plain, with pristine white walls, few objects, and only the essential furniture. Not that the room had been particularly lively when he had inhabited it.

The single bed had been placed against the farthest wall, near the window. Sasuke approached it and climbed on it so he could pull the curtains to the sides and slide the window open. Itachi didn't waste time and knelt on the bed beside him as Sasuke fished out his pack of cigarettes, took one for himself, and offered another one to his brother. He lit his and then brought the flame to Itachi's, who took a small puff and promptly started to cough helplessly. Despite himself, Sasuke laughed.

"I don't know how to do this anymore," Itachi said, his voice hoarse as he cleared his throat and wiped at the corner of his eyes with his free hand. "I don't usually spend money on stuff like this."

"You can throw it away if you want," Sasuke said, still smiling and shaking his head from side to side.

"Nah, it's fine. Being here with you brings back good memories," Itachi said, smiling back and taking another experimental drag. Concluding that he was in control and wasn't going to start choking again, he expelled smoke. "I missed you, Sasuke. I'm sorry we don't get to talk as much as we used to."

"It's alright," the youngest one said, more honestly than he had expected. "I can tell this change in your life makes you happy, so… yeah."

Sasuke looked out the window, the wrist of the hand holding the cigarette resting on the windowsill. He could feel Itachi's quiet gaze on him, trying to figure him out.

"I noticed something was off about you," Itachi said, after a few silent seconds. "We haven't seen each other for a while, but you seem… different."

Sasuke glanced at him inquisitively. "How so?"

"I don't know," Itachi admitted, tilting his head to the side as if curious. "Let me see. You look… haunted, tired. But there's something very vibrant in your eyes. I can't put my finger on it, but you look… perkier, probably."

To his annoyance, Sasuke felt his cheeks warm up instantly and he grimaced in self-disgust. Was he that obvious, he wondered, not without a bit of fear, if even Itachi, whom he hadn't seen in so long, had noticed?

"Well, some things have been happening," he ended up confessing, with an irritated sigh, frowning. Itachi nodded.

"From the moment I saw you I knew you had something to tell me," he said, knowingly. "And it's serious, isn't it?"

"Yes." Sasuke inhaled from his cancer stick. He wanted to tell his brother everything, but at the same time, he felt like it was selfish of him to impose his issues on him so soon and just after he had returned. "I don't want to bother you after we've been apart for so long, though…"

"Don't be stupid, Sasuke; I want to know everything about you, and I want you to talk to me no matter what," Itachi replied, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder and offering him a small smile. "If anything, it's me who feels guilty for not being here for you."

Sasuke stared at him for a while and bit his lip, feeling strangely emotional all of a sudden. There were so many things he wanted to tell Itachi. Lately, he had come to know all these feelings that, before, he had no idea he could feel. The things he'd said and done, the way he acted… he didn't feel like himself at all, and yet, he had never felt such a sense of reality in his life. This was important to him, but he was aware of how insane it all was.

In a way, he was scared of what Itachi might think of him.

"You know you can trust me, right?" Itachi inquired gently, sensing Sasuke's distress. "Whatever it is, I will do the best I can to help."

"I know," Sasuke said, meaning it. After a few more seconds of silence, during which Itachi patiently watched him while puffing on his cigarette, he finally felt the strength needed to start talking. "Well, I kind of… met someone at this new school I'm working at."

"Go on," Itachi encouraged.

With muscles tense and his chest tight, Sasuke swallowed hard before blurting out "I think I'm in love."

Itachi simply blinked rapidly a few times. "In love?" he inquired, slowly.

"Yes. With a guy."

Itachi blinked some more before his eyebrows rose in what seemed to Sasuke like a slow-motion action.

"Oh," the eldest of the two said, after a few moments of consideration. "Alright. Go on."

Sasuke watched his brother's face in search of signs of disgust, reproach, or anything hostile, but finding nothing but curiosity and genuine interest. Feeling more at ease, he told him everything he had told Neji and Sakura, but less detailed, because he knew he didn't have much time before either Karin or their parents came up to check on them. He told him about Naruto, what he wanted, his fears, and his insecurities towards the blond and their possible future together.

As usual, Itachi listened to his tale attentively, refraining from offering input other than occasionally letting out an 'oh', 'really?' or 'I see'.

"And now I kissed him," Sasuke finished, smashing his second cigarette on the ashtray he had, in the meanwhile, fished from the top of his desk and placed over the windowsill. "And I know I shouldn't have, because neither of us wanted for things to step out of line, but I can't take it back. I don't want to." Looking up at Itachi, Sasuke saw nothing but softness in his brother's dark eyes. "I'm always thinking about him. Even now, I want to see him. I'm in deep shit."

With his lips making a small, pensive pout, Itachi looked out the window, his arms folded over his chest.

"You know, when you got married I was happy for you, but at the same time, I thought you were far too young to take such a step," he muttered cautiously.

"I know," Sasuke confirmed, remembering the never-ending conversations the two had. "You kept asking me if I was sure of what I wanted to do." He scratched his arm a bit restlessly. "I was sure. Itachi, I love Karin, even now. Just thinking about what I'm doing to her makes me feel like the worst person in the world. I just… I can't seem to help it. I've never been in a situation where I don't have control over how I feel and what I do."

Eyes that were a shade darker than his settled on him again, attentive and serious.

"There is a big difference, little brother, between loving someone and being in love," his brother replied, slowly, voice devoid of emotion. "For example, I love you. We are of the same blood. I know I would do anything for you, and yet, the feelings are quiet but strong. It's not something I think about every day because it's just there. Being in love, though… It's another form of love, but it manifests itself in opposite ways – it's a loud, persistent and nagging feeling that you can't dismiss no matter what because it begs to be acknowledged. It's present in your body and your heart. It won't let you sleep, it makes it hard to breathe. It's painful and yet, it's the most wonderful thing. More than anything, it's deadly passionate."

"I see," Sasuke breathed out, releasing air from his lungs he had no idea he had been holding in. What Itachi was saying described his feelings when he accurately was with Naruto, but from the expression on Itachi's face, he had no idea if that was a good or a bad thing.

"That's all you have to say?" his older brother inquired, sounding exasperated now. "Sasuke, if your situation with that Naruto guy is this new and different to you… just the fact alone that you have never experienced it until now, with him… that should tell you enough about your feelings and why what you feel for both Karin and him is so different."

Well… Itachi had a point, Sasuke concluded.

"Shit," he hissed, slumping down on his fluffy bed and leaning his back against the wall with his legs stretched out before him. "But… I care about Karin. I don't want to hurt her. She's so important to me, she's been… more than a friend and a lover, she's family. I admit that there was never really that intensity and, well, passion like there is with Naruto, but I'm happy with her. Or at least I was up until now."

Itachi huffed softly and moved to sit down next to Sasuke in a similar position, but crossing his legs Indian-style.

"I feel like I need to tell you a few things, so I'm going to tell you what you want to hear, and what you need to hear, so don't cut my head off for what I'm about to say," the man said gravely, turning his head to Sasuke. "You learned how to love her, and have settled for what you two had." He touched Sasuke's knee lightly. "It's not wrong as long as you're happy. But you didn't know anything else, Sasuke, you didn't know better. That's not being in love and it's not how a married couple should be. Don't get me wrong, she is a wonderful girl and she loves you, but if this is happening between you and Naruto, maybe the universe is giving you a signal. Nothing will be the way it was before, no matter what you think, and you'll have to think very hard about what you want and if you can stand lying to yourself, and her, for the rest of your life."

"I've thought about that," Sasuke confessed, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. Immediately, he could see Naruto's face beaming at him as the train departed. "But I'm scared that I might ruin my marriage because of Naruto only to be disappointed in the end. But I'm also scared of walking away from him. I don't want to think about what could have been, regretting that I never had him the way I wanted to."

"You have to make a choice."

"I know that," Sasuke grunted, at once opening his eyes to look at Itachi with a heavy, desperate frown. "What would our parents think if I were to tell them that I got divorced just to be with another man? Fuck, father would disown me and then have a stroke."

To Sasuke's surprise, Itachi smiled.

"Sasuke, you only live once, and that life is yours alone. How you live it, what you choose to do is nobody's business," he replied as if surprised Sasuke hadn't considered such a thing before. "It's your happiness at stake here. Besides, you are overthinking it. Just focus on what you need to do now."

Sasuke stared at him, narrowing his eyes. Itachi made it all seem so easy. Then again, he had been the one to defy their parents and do what he wanted with his life, hadn't he?

"Yeah, okay," he whispered, hunching over and rubbing his temples to soothe the impending headache making his head throb. "I'm just… so fucking tired, you now?"

Itachi's grip on his knee became stronger, and his hand shook it emphatically.

"I can't tell you what to do, Sasuke, but you need to know this," he pressed on, tone still firm but complacent. "You're not wrong in wanting to understand what you want from Naruto, and you're not wrong in wanting to salvage your marriage. There is no wrong in wanting to find your true happiness and your place in the world. But you will have to make a choice, eventually. Also, and I'm sorry for being harsh, but even if neither you nor Naruto wanted to cheat, the truth is, you already did. Emotionally, you're cheating on her by constantly wanting someone else, and now you kissed him and who knows what will follow."

"Nothing will follow," Sasuke snapped quickly, straightening up. "We don't…"

"He seems like a nice person with good morals, but that man wants you," Itachi persisted, frowning as well now. "And you want him. Whatever you give him, he'll take it. And you said so yourself that you had no control of yourself when you're with him, so don't say you won't do this or that when you know that there is no returning from what you already did. It can only escalate from now on, Sasuke, and that's the truth."

It wasn't as if Itachi's words were something new to Sasuke. He may be a little naïve, but he wasn't stupid – he knew he was at a dead end, with no escape possible. Still, hearing it from someone else's mouth just made everything sound so much more real.

"I know…" Sasuke hissed, looking away from his brother, unable to help the feeling of shame. "Fuck, I know that…"

Itachi, however, wasn't too keen on letting him hide, so he brought two fingers to Sasuke's chin, grabbing it firmly and forcing him to face him again.

"You are cheating on Karin," Itachi then said, his soft voice a deep contrast to his steady action. "It is important that you are aware of this because, no matter what happens between you and Naruto from now on, it'll keep you focused on the fact that, eventually, something will go wrong. Even if things don't work out, even if you stay with Karin… loving someone isn't something you can hide, little brother. You need to understand that your actions will have consequences, sooner or later, so don't fool yourself into thinking you can simply evade it." Sasuke bit his lip as Itachi's hand then moved to the top of his head to ruffle his hair slowly. "Even if you never get caught, the way you feel about Naruto will have repercussions in your relationship with her, and the more you give yourself to him, the more dangerous it becomes. There is no running from that. Your life will change. You will change. Be prepared for that."

"Are you trying to scare me?" Sasuke inquired in a frustrated whisper, feeling like a lost child under his older brother's calm but scrutinizing gaze.

"I'm trying to warn you, and to give you a reality check," Itachi explained, letting his hand fall to Sasuke's shoulder. "You do what you have to do because there is no undoing it anymore. You can't simply wish for a collective happy ending, and neither can you miraculously make it happen to the three of you. Someone will have to be hurt, and the sooner you wrap your mind around it, the easier it will be for you to deal with it when the chaos settles."

The two enjoyed the silence that followed and each other's company for a while. Sasuke's brain was still working restlessly, putting the puzzle pieces together, coming to terms with himself, and somehow trying to assimilate and accept what was happening to him and what was going to happen from now on. Not to say that he wasn't aware of all the things Itachi had mentioned, but more often than not – especially in Naruto's presence – he tended to tune out certain details he knew he should focus on and take seriously.

Itachi's imposed awareness on Sasuke was, most definitely, a hard pill to swallow. But, as he had said, those were things the youngest one needed to hear.

"So, I'm in love, and supposedly looking for my true happiness," Sasuke mumbled, adjusting himself so he could place his head on Itachi's shoulder. "But why can't I just be happy while I'm at it?"

"You can," Itachi said with a light chuckle, patting his thigh comfortingly. "Being in love and having that feeling returned… that's not something a lot of people know. Do what you have to do, Sasuke. The line has been crossed already, and now it's only a matter of time. It's up to you to decide how you want to spend that time. Don't be afraid, do what your heart tells you, and everything is going to be alright at some point."

Sasuke all but sighed. "I hope so, too."

000

The next morning, Sasuke's heart was beating fast as he left his apartment and a heavily sleeping Karin. She was going to have to work the night shift, and on those days, she usually slept for as long as she could. Sasuke had told her that he was going to have lunch with his co-worker, though, even if he didn't tell her exactly where.

He stepped out of his building, a strong sense of resolution burning deep within him. The fear was still there, and so was the guilt, but at least his hesitation had died to be replaced by the simple need to move forward and see this through. He and Naruto still had things to talk about, after all – they needed to establish what was going to become of them, how they would deal with it, what they both wanted, and so on. Sasuke would have to be painfully honest with him and let him know his thoughts. They had to come to a consensus and understand exactly what they wanted from each other and how to get it.

As Itachi had said, the damage had already been done, and yet, Sasuke couldn't find the heart to begin planning something that felt like an impending affair approaching. The way he felt for Naruto seemed too important to be labeled by such a low-classed term.

Yes, he was cheating; yes, he wanted it, and yes, it was wrong in many ways. But he didn't want it to feel like that because whenever he was with Naruto, it all felt anything but wrong. He didn't understand it, but it was oddly pure in its intense rawness.

Naruto was waiting for him inside his old Ford, parked right in front of Sasuke's building. He was wearing a red t-shirt and had black mirrored sunglasses on since the day was bright and sunny. His window was down, and from the inside of the vehicle, some rock music could be heard. Naruto was tapping his hands against the steering wheel in time with the beating of the drums energetically, his lips following the lead singer's words noiselessly.

The blond radiated such happy energy that Sasuke couldn't help but watch him for a while, that now familiar feeling of warmth and longing causing his stomach to churn a bit for all the right reasons. Naruto looked both handsome and silly at the same time, which was an uncommon combination, but one Sasuke found he appreciated more than he'd ever thought he could.

There was no denying it, he thought, chewing on his lower lip – he wanted that. Body, mind, that energetic, one-of-a-kind soul… he wanted it all.

They had so much to learn about each other, so many things to try, so many things to say, and yet, Sasuke wasn't feeling confused about wanting to live it all as much as he could anymore.

Naruto might've felt himself being observed, because he turned his head to the side, finding Sasuke standing there. As usual, his expression lit up even more as he presented him with a huge, white-toothed smile.

And Sasuke had kissed that mouth not even twenty-four hours previously.

There was something really out of the ordinary about that person, something so very perfect it was incredible. Sasuke knew that Naruto was far from being perfect, just like he, himself, was highly flawed. But it seemed like somewhere between the lines of what made them so imperfect and different was also something that clicked in all the right places.

For some reason, the Uchiha didn't want things to go bad between them, no matter what. The thought was far from comforting, though, but it only caused his conviction to become even firmer.

Taking a deep breath, he adjusted his bag over his shoulder and made his way to the car, very much aware of Naruto's eyes following him behind his sunglasses. He opened the door to the passenger's seat and threw his bag inside before sitting down and slamming the door back shut.

"Hi," he mumbled in greeting, as the other turned the volume down.

"Hey there, gorgeous," Naruto greeted back good-humoredly, as Sasuke buckled up his seatbelt to have something to occupy his hands with. "Ready to go?"

Sasuke tried to pretend like the compliment didn't affect him. "Yeah."

Naruto wasted no time in starting the car and expertly driving out of his parking spot. Sasuke rolled his window down as well because, the gods knew why, he was feeling rather hot, even if he was wearing a short-sleeved shirt. The wind was rather refreshing on his flustered cheeks.

Being next to Naruto was always a physical and emotional challenge, but it felt especially challenging now that they had somewhat kissed. The tension was still thick, and even if the frustration carried a bit of sensual allure to it, Sasuke didn't want to feel that constant, agonizing craving forever.

What was he supposed to do now? Of course, he wasn't going to kiss him right in front of the building where he lived, and considering Naruto's moral values, he was sure the blond hadn't been expecting anything, but still… it wasn't like that had been a one-time only thing, right? It hadn't even been a proper kiss, to begin with, just a ridiculous mess of mouths and teeth.

"So, how was the family reunion dinner?" Naruto asked, shaking Sasuke from his musings.

"It was fine," Sasuke muttered, shrugging and looking at him sideways. "It was good to see my brother. He'll be around for a while, though."

"That's good," Naruto said.

"Can you pull over for a bit?" Sasuke suddenly asked.

"Did you forget something?" the blond inquired, glancing at him with a worried look.

"No, I just need you to pull over whenever you can."

"Alright, don't hit me," Naruto joked, mindful of Sasuke's demanding tone. "There's a gas station not too far. I need to fill this baby up."

"Great."

Sasuke then turned the volume of the music up again, ignoring Naruto's questioning look at his actions. Already he could feel the weird bubbling feeling in his stomach and the chills going down his spine in anticipation. He wasn't nervous, just eager, and he knew that, unless he put a stop to that anxiety right now, he wouldn't be able to have a normal conversation with his friend. As usual between them, some things had to be pushed aside before some semblance of normalcy could be achieved, and Sasuke knew that he would have to be the one to take the first step.

Naruto eventually stopped at the gas station, in front of a gasoline pump, and pulled the handbrake as Sasuke unbuckled his seatbelt.

"You need to take a leak or something?" Naruto inquired casually, unbuckling himself as well and turning off the radio. "I'm sure there's one around here somewhere."

"Shut up, that's not it," Sasuke snapped, rolling his eyes. When he twisted his body so he was facing Naruto – tucking one leg underneath him – he could see the other male becoming slightly apprehensive. That didn't deter Sasuke from reaching out with both hands to carefully remove those huge sunglasses from his face. Blue eyes were exposed, alive, attentive, and electrical from the strong sunlight hitting them. For a moment, Sasuke simply looked at them, mesmerized by the unnatural blue presented to him. He placed the glasses on Naruto's lap, only slightly aware of the fact that he had leaned in way too much.

"What are you doing?" Naruto inquired simply.

"I just like you better without them on," Sasuke explained, his voice dropping so much it was obscenely low.

"I'd like you better without your clothes on, but I don't go taking them off without permission."

There was a mocking softness to Naruto's words, and Sasuke couldn't help but smirk at them.

"You haven't even seen me naked to know you'd like me better that way," he teased back.

"Yet," Naruto corrected, smiling in return. Sasuke had no will to offer a decent reply.

Unspoken words hung in the air between them as they exchanged a long, meaningful look.

"Kiss me." The request left Sasuke's mouth consciously and in an almost demanding fashion, but the other male didn't seem to take offense, and neither did he seem particularly surprised. If all, he looked hopeful and only slightly curious.

Neither of them moved. Naruto seemed to be considering something, and Sasuke waited patiently, silently reveling in the wanton way the other was eyeing his features.

When Naruto licked his lips, Sasuke held his breath. He counted the seconds in his mind while Naruto slowly but confidently leaned in, and he hated how it didn't seem to happen fast enough as if time had purposefully slowed down just to torment him. Either that or the blond himself was bent on teasing him. It didn't matter as long as he had what he wanted. He enjoyed the tension, anyway, and if he had a say in the matter, he hoped it would never leave.

Despite himself, Sasuke leaned in a bit as well. His heart was starting to beat fast again. When they were so close that the tips of their noses touched, he closed his eyes and parted his lips in anticipation. He could feel Naruto watching him closely for a few seconds, his breath hot and a little shaky. There was movement, followed by the feathery brush of knuckles against his cheek, and then there were lips touching Sasuke's lower one in a small, chaste kiss. Cautiously, he captured Naruto's upper lip in both of his. The other male exhaled through his nose before moving his mouth against Sasuke's own – which responded without hesitation – kissing him languidly. The dark-haired one wasn't shy in pressing his lips harder to Naruto's, needing to feel more, one hand supporting his weight on the other's thigh, the other moving to the back of Naruto's neck to pull him even closer.

Naruto's lips, Sasuke noticed, were full and fit him just right. The kiss wasn't clumsy and childish like their first one; it was experimental, but not awkward. It was calm and gentle, allowing both of them to enjoy it and simply feel what the other had to give. After a few seconds of adjustment, there was the brief meeting of tongues, not much, just enough so that the tips touched, enough to taste; enough to cause impact, and to have Sasuke's nerves boiling with excitement and fulfillment.

God, did he love the way Naruto tasted, and the very erotic little noises of appreciation he made with the back of his throat. He loved the way Naruto kissed, so expertly but with a raw openness that was almost innocent. Sasuke all but wanted to press himself closer, to touch him, to taste even more…

Someone honked twice behind them. Slowly, they drew apart with a small suction noise, looking at each other and not really caring much about the asshole who was in a hurry behind them.

"You want this," the blond concluded plainly, moving his hand to touch Sasuke's Adam's apple with the back of two fingers, caressing the curve of it. "You want… us."

"Yes," Sasuke confirmed, eyes fixed on Naruto's, who took a sharp, quick intake of breath. He pressed his lips to the ones in front of him once more as he rubbed his thumb over the back of Naruto's neck. Finally, he kissed Naruto's chin before leaning away slightly.

Naruto swallowed hard, looking baffled and happy – despite the lack of a smile – but disoriented.

"We have to talk," he said, in a whisper that sounded both hopeful and pained. Sasuke could understand his conflicting emotions; he had been there – was still there – and it was hard coping with being immensely happy and devastated at the same time when you knew you shouldn't be happy.

"Yes, we do," Sasuke agreed, offering a small reassuring smile. "But you should fill up your baby, otherwise you're going to piss that guy behind us off."

Naruto smiled in return. He hooked a finger on the collar of Sasuke's shirt, tugging at it playfully. "It's your fault; you're the one who distracted me."

Naruto leaned in again, and Sasuke could tell he was going to be kissed again when another annoyed hunk manifested itself. Naruto huffed in defeat. "It's like the world can't stand the thought of us together, isn't it?"

"Just go, idiot," Sasuke chuckled.

"I will, but only because I have to." They reluctantly moved away from each other and Naruto gave Sasuke his sunglasses, which he grabbed. "Hold these for me, will ya?"

Sasuke put the sunglasses on and smirked. Naruto rolled his eyes and made a falsely displeased face. "You just have to look good no matter what you wear, don't you?"

"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful," Sasuke joked, making the other male stick his tongue out at him.

"I can't argue with that, can I?" he said, pretending defeat. "I'll be back in a second."

Sasuke leaned back in his seat, watching as Naruto got out of the car and moved about outside. Biting his lip, he crossed his arms over his chest, filled with some kind of bitter joy that was unlike anything he had ever experienced before.

If only that morning could last forever…

TBC…

Chapter Text

It's Not Fair

Chapter Eleven: Realities – Part II

Naruto lived in a quiet neighborhood filled with small houses. His was a two-story one, painted in a faint gray tone – much like all the others in the same street – and compared to the medium-sized one Sasuke's parents owned, it seemed simpler and more modest, but it also had a very welcoming vibe to it.

Sasuke was feeling a bit on edge as he was dragged by his hand by Naruto through the waist-high gate. Curiosity made him feel this way, as well as a little bit (okay, make it a lot) of excitement – after all, for the first time, he and his friend were going to be alone together somewhere private.

The area around the house wasn't big at all, but Sasuke guessed that there was probably a small garden in the back all the same.

"I'm living on the upper floor by myself at the moment," the blond explained, once they were in front of the house while Sasuke was taking a few seconds to appreciate it. "This way, I have privacy and I can pay for my bills. I'd show you the lower floor, where the Pervert lives, but it's probably a dirty mess of porn magazines and… other stuff. You don't want to know."

Sasuke glanced at him and smirked a bit, finding Naruto's nervous blush very attractive.

"He sounds like quite the character," he said, rubbing his thumb over the fingers intertwined with his.

"Well, he writes porn novels, so yeah, don't even get me started," Naruto chuckled. "Let's just say I'm really happy that I now have my personal space. But he's a good man; I owe him a lot." He flashed Sasuke one of his huge smiles. "Come on!"

Sasuke allowed himself to be dragged towards a set of outdoor stairs that led to a door that gave access to the upper floor. Anticipation filled him as Naruto fumbled with his keys, somehow stubbornly refusing to let go of his hand during the process. After a brief struggle, Sasuke prevented himself from rolling his eyes at his friend's screech of victory when he finally managed to find the one he wanted. He shoved the key into the keyhole and opened the door, ushering Sasuke inside first with evident enthusiasm, and not wanting to seem uninterested – because, in truth, he was more than eager to see Naruto's place – the raven-haired one took a look at his surroundings.

The place looked like a remodeled attic and was almost like a studio with no divisions and particular areas designated for specific purposes. To his right, there was a small kitchen-like area with a small stony counter and light brown wooden doors and drawers under a wide window – the only one, from what Sasuke could see. There was a small stove with an oven on its left side, and on its right, a narrow white fridge could be seen. In front of it, there was a cheap black plastic table with a set of two matching chairs.

On the wall in front of them, there was a door that Sasuke assumed led to a bathroom. Next to it, a black iron bed and two matching nightstands could be seen, adorned by an orange duvet and sky blue pillows. There was a closed laptop on top of it. Above it, the ceiling was inclined, decorated by posters of several bands and what looked like music sheets.

On Sasuke's right, he could see a white wardrobe and a set of shelves filled with all sorts of books, CDs, and an old sound system. Leaning against it, one could see the shape of a guitar inside its case.

By no means was the place spacious, but it was surprisingly neat and it smelled good too – of something strong and fruity.

Naruto's cheeks were slightly pink as he used his free hand to scratch his neck embarrassingly.

"It isn't much, but it's mine for the time being," he said shyly, looking at Sasuke with unsure expectancy.

"It's cool," Sasuke approved, finding that he liked the simple yet cozy décor of the small place. "It's very you."

Naruto flashed him a huge grin. "Thanks!" He squeezed Sasuke's fingers briefly. "The old geezer has been fixing this up for years. He wanted to be able to rent it at some point, but I own it now, so he'll have to wait until I move out."

"I assume you don't have interior access to the lower floor?" Sasuke inquired, genuinely interested.

"There used to be a trapdoor before, but now it's been covered by the counter," Naruto explained casually. "Good riddance, I always say."

"Of course."

Naruto's eyes were sparkling when he turned to him. "Make yourself at home while I put some music on, 'kay?"

"Sure," Sasuke replied, smiling and squeezing the fingers back before Naruto released them. He easily kicked his shoes off and headed to his bed without even bothering to put some slippers on. Amused, Sasuke watched the blond jump on the bed and start his laptop, lying on his stomach in front of it. Smiling to himself, Sasuke removed his shoes and placed them neatly on a corner beside the door, putting on one of the two available pairs of slippers – the orange pair, as opposed to the dark green one – before moving over to the kitchen area.

"I'm going to get started on lunch," he announced. "Can I look for whatever I need?"

Naruto threw him an offended look from the bed. "You don't have to ask, duh."

"Well, it's only the polite thing to do," Sasuke retorted, not stopping himself from rolling his eyes at him now.

"Yeah-yeah," Naruto mocked, waving his hand in dismissal. "I got us some stuff before picking you up. It's all in the fridge."

"Right."

Despite himself, Sasuke couldn't help but take one last look around for some reason. Somehow, he felt like he needed to absorb the idea that he was, in fact, currently at Naruto's place and that they were completely alone. And he was going to touch Naruto's things and cook for the two of them. He didn't understand why the mere concept was so strangely important to him all of a sudden, but then he realized that, if things went the way they were supposed to go with Naruto, he might be spending a whole lot of time there in the near future.

This place is like a fucking sanctuary.

The thought made him feel both excited and very stupid. Why the hell was he getting so worked up for?

Glancing at the blond and making sure he hadn't seen him blush, Sasuke pushed all sorts of idiotic thoughts to the back of his mind and made his way over to the fridge. He opened the door to see its contents to find it surprisingly uninteresting considering he had expected Naruto to be the kind of person that didn't care much about healthy food. But there wasn't much there: a few bottled beers, canned Cokes, oranges, leftovers that looked like some kind of pasta and mushrooms, tomatoes, and lettuce. He also found a few steaks on a plate that looked fresh and already nicely seasoned with garlic and pepper.

"I take it these steaks are for us?" he asked, looking over his shoulder to Naruto, who was still on his stomach, feet kicking the air absently as he typed something on his laptop.

Looking up from whatever he was doing, Naruto nodded. "Yeah, those are the ones. Is the seasoning okay?"

"It's fine," Sasuke replied, taking the plate out and placing it on the counter. His eyes were drawn to the inside of the fridge again, to the flaming red tomatoes that looked appetizing. He wondered if Naruto would be offended if he asked if he could make a salad or something. He gazed back at the other male. "Did you put salt on them?"

"Nah, I heard we're only supposed to put salt on the meat a few seconds before cooking it," the blond said, smiling openly.

"Do you want me to make some rice or something?"

Naruto's eyebrows shot up in fake innocence. "Well, you can if you want, but I was thinking we could just make it simple and make a salad. That's why I went through the trouble of buying those pretty tomatoes and the lettuce."

Sasuke merely blinked at him, astonished. "You don't strike me as a salad type," he said, his expression remaining calm.

Naruto's smile became mischievous. "You do," he said, scratching his nose knowingly. "Was I wrong?"

Sasuke swallowed hard and shook his head from side to side, not trusting his voice. He picked up the vegetables and finally closed the door of the fridge, placing everything on the counter next to the steaks.

What the hell? Did Naruto always have to be so damned perceptive? Sasuke didn't even know if he should feel flattered or annoyed that the blond always seemed to be a step ahead of him.

However, as he opened the cabinets below, looking for the appliances he would need, he realized that this was one of the things he loved the most about Naruto – how he always managed to turn little things into something meaningful. And this made him feel strangely pleased.

He found a knife that was perfect for cutting the tomatoes, a large bowl, and a plastic board, and as he took his time washing them and the lettuce, he was feeling more than a little high on all the good feelings he was experiencing.

It was such an oddity for him, too, he thought – while ripping the leaves of the lettuce off – because he was usually very cynic to the point where, sometimes, it was hard for him to feel pleased about anything at all.

It wasn't like he was an unhappy person, no. He had the kind of envious life many would wish for, and he was grateful for all the good things he had. Even if there were things that he wished could be different, the universe had certainly been kind to him.

That was until Naruto came along.

Naruto was like a curse, but a blessing at the same time. His existence had provided Sasuke with many new, wonderful things, but it had also brought the kind of pain he hadn't been ready for at such a random, unpredictable time of his life. Sasuke felt like the dirtiest person alive for wanting to be with him, but on the other hand, knowing that both their intentions towards each other were honest made it all seem redeemable in a way.

It didn't make a lot of sense, though, but he had long since given up on trying to find answers to all his questions where Naruto was concerned.

Sasuke would never peg Naruto for the type of guy who'd listen to Chill Out music, so the gentle tribal sound that filled the place all of a sudden was a positive surprise.

Slowly, Sasuke started chopping the tomatoes for their salad, simply enjoying the soft music surrounding him and the comfort of Naruto's home where, oddly enough, he already felt at ease despite his previous worries. There was something about the simple fact that he was currently standing right in the middle of Naruto's environment, surrounded by everything that represented him, and it felt good. It wasn't exactly like being home, but it was kind of like being at Neji's or Sakura's. Not only that, he felt relaxed because there, they were safe and had privacy, so Sasuke didn't exactly need to feel on edge. He didn't even know why it made him feel happy that they were someplace where it was just the two of them, away from the world, but just thinking about it made his cheeks catch fire – something that was happening all too frequently recently, which was scandalous. Before Naruto came along, blushing was simply something he didn't do.

It wasn't like he was expecting something to happen between them or anything like that, he told himself. He just really wanted to spend some time with Naruto without having to worry about anything else.

So immersed in his thoughts was he that he didn't notice Naruto moving from the bed and approaching him cautiously. Only when strong arms surrounded his shoulders from behind to hug him did he tense slightly in awareness, his hands stopping. He could feel Naruto's flat chest against his back, close enough to be intimate, but not enough to be uncomfortable or inappropriate, and when his chin rested on Sasuke's left shoulder, the dark-haired one felt his heart speed up clumsily.

Swallowing hard, he forced his hands to resume their task as steadily as they could. Naruto's body was warm against his, and he felt oddly safe in the confines of those gentle but firm arms, and it was… strange, because, as a man, he wasn't used to feeling protected.

Naruto nuzzled Sasuke's neck playfully with his nose, the action causing a small shiver of pleasure to run down his spine. Shamelessly, Naruto sniffed him, making a noise of approval afterward, the sound almost sensual in Sasuke's ear.

"Gods, you always smell so good," the blond whispered, his breath ghosting over Sasuke's skin. "How is that even possible?"

"Probably because I wash with soap and water every day?" Sasuke retorted, trying to sound sarcastic but failing since his voice wasn't as steady as he had intended it to be, but making Naruto chuckle all the same.

"Don't be an ass when I'm complimenting you," Naruto said. Then, the blond lightly pressed his lips to the curve of his neck once, clearly to evaluate Sasuke's response to the action.

Sasuke, for his part, was now in the process of trying to focus on what he was supposed to do with his hands, but all he could think about was how much he wanted to feel those lips again and how stupidly natural that unfamiliar body felt against his. He hadn't known how much he had yearned for that until Naruto was right there.

Despite himself, Sasuke tilted his head to the side to expose more of his neck. He hadn't meant to be particularly seductive, but the action had Naruto holding his breath all the same. And then, one after the other, gentle kisses were slowly distributed up the pale column of Sasuke's neck until they chose to linger behind his ear. Sasuke clenched the knife he was holding in his hand, his breathing heavy and raged. He could feel Naruto's right hand over his heart, his left one resting on his navel, motionless, and it took all his willpower not to moan at the contact – and lack of more of it, thereof.

"Your heart is beating like crazy," Naruto whispered, before offering a small bite to Sasuke's ear. "I want to touch you."

"You already are." Sasuke found it incredibly hard to keep his voice steady, especially because he also could feel Naruto's heartbeat going wild against his back.

"Not as much as I'd like to."

There was another kiss now, long and with the brief flicker of a tongue, causing Sasuke to shiver again. Being held by Naruto and wanting to give up a considerable amount of control was a completely foreign feeling for him, and yet, all he wanted was to be touched and pampered.

"What are you waiting for?" Sasuke murmured. When he turned his head to the side, his cheek came into contact with Naruto's forehead. "Permission?"

Naruto all but inhaled sharply. "Yes."

That was all it took for what little restraint Sasuke had left to snap. Releasing the knife, he turned around so he was facing Naruto, who was so close their chests and noses bumped. They exchanged a quick look of anticipation before Naruto's head tilted to the side slightly, Sasuke imitating him, but towards the opposite side. Before he knew it – and he had no idea who moved first – their mouths were clashing and he was wrapping his arms around Naruto, pulling him closer in what he hoped was a demanding gesture that spoke louder than any words he could ever speak.

The message seemed to have reached the other male, because, at once, Sasuke was aware of hands traveling down his sides eagerly before stopping on his waist and fumbling with the hem of his shirt. He couldn't help the small moan from escaping his throat as warm fingers came into contact with his skin. The touch was possessive, slightly rough, and there was no softness to those hands; still, when Sasuke was pushed backward until his lower back was pressed against the edge of the counter, he realized that he loved everything about it and that he wouldn't want it any other way.

Sasuke's lips parted in a silent request for more, and the blond all but complied, invading his mouth with his tongue in hungry explorations as their mouths slid over each other with what Sasuke considered to be some kind of sloppy, far too noisy perfection.

It was fast and experimental as they both tried the best they could to adjust to the way the other kissed while simultaneously wanting to quell the desire that moved them. But it didn't seem to be working at all – if anything, the tension seemed to escalate helplessly the more they kept going. Sasuke's fingers closed around the golden strands of Naruto's hair, tugging none-too-gently in his impatience. Naruto's hands were all over him, on his shoulders, running up and down his back under his shirt, blunt nails burying themselves on pale skin once in a while, causing Sasuke's back to arch and all sorts of indecent sounds to leave his mouth. Every time Sasuke let out a moan or a grunt, Naruto would make a noise that sounded terribly like some mixture of arousal, appreciation, and frustration.

It was clear that neither had taken proper breaths before engaging in the heated make-out session because it didn't take long for both to become a panting mess, but stubbornly refused to part.

As heat pooled in the pit of his stomach, Sasuke's heartbeat became more erratic, slamming against his ribcage with something stronger than he was used to in the presence of Naruto. He recognized it instantly – that powerful thump that made adrenaline rush through his veins and nearly compelled him to be impulsive and follow his most primal instincts, knowing this could have been embarrassing for him but being too far gone in his sea of all things Naruto to care.

He was pressed harder to the counter, Naruto's hips slamming against his, which caused their groins to come into contact. Two surprised, shaky breaths could be heard as both men felt the other's more than evident arousal against their own, and it was clear the experience was both exciting and new to both of them. Sasuke deepened the kiss as much as he could and Naruto all but allowed himself to be dragged by the flow, their tongues battling for dominance, lips starting to hurt by the intensity of it, bodies pressing closer and closer as if wanting to merge.

The awareness of another person's enthusiasm was something amazing but strangely shameful and intimate. Knowing that Naruto was evidently as turned on by their interaction as he was, was probably the most honest response Sasuke could ask for considering they were both straight guys.

Sasuke wasn't particularly shy about sexual things, so he didn't hesitate in rolling his hips against Naruto's, more than willing to test those new sensations provided by the other man. The friction of Naruto's hardness against his clothed erection made the blond start in his arms. A rather indecent growl professed itself against Naruto's mouth, whose teeth bit roughly on Sasuke's lower lip in an expression of his feelings towards the action, and then Naruto was chancing a small thrust of hips forward as well. And that's when it probably hit the blond that they were going a bit too far, all things considered, because the next thing Sasuke knew, the voracious kiss was broken.

He blinked confusedly at the man in front of him, panting and noticing that the other was in a similar state, with his cheeks flustered and blue eyes gleaming.

"Sasuke…" Naruto breathed, bringing their foreheads together. "We should probably slow down a bit."

Sasuke couldn't argue that there was some kind of wisdom in the statement, but his body couldn't help but want to argue.

"You're the one who started it," Sasuke retorted, pressing his lips to Naruto's cheek only to trail them down so he could offer small nibbles to his jaw, secretly exhilarated when the other made a low sound with the back of his throat.

Naruto's fingers buried themselves in the skin at the end of Sasuke's spine greedily. "I just… feeling your skin under my hands is… really good," he said longingly, releasing a soft sigh. "Having you here makes me happy."

Exasperation and sudden embarrassment filled Sasuke from head to toe then, Naruto's words making him feel oh-so stupidly giddy. Sasuke dropped his head so his forehead was resting on the curve of the other's neck.

"You know," he said, huffing. "When you say stuff like that makes me doubt whether you do want to slow down or if you're just trying to rile me up."

Naruto's lips were curved in a smile as he placed them over his temple. His arms squeezed him more as if trying to convey his feelings. "I don't want to slow down," he explained apologetically. "But you are… we're not… it just doesn't seem right, yet, I suppose, even if it feels right."

Sasuke couldn't disagree with that, he thought, frowning a bit at himself for allowing himself to get so carried away so soon, and for so little. He was usually more controlled than this, not to mention that it took a lot to rile him up enough for him to go crazy with lust. He didn't think such an occurrence had ever happened to him, now that he thought about it. Even before Karin, he always had things quickly and easily. It was all about girls throwing themselves at him and him thinking that, sure, getting laid was always good, so why not?

Leaning back a bit, his eyes roamed over Naruto's features, taking in everything and vaguely wondering about many things but not focusing on anything in particular apart from the way that blue eyes eyed him back with solemn affection. Sasuke wet his lips and moved both his hands so they were cupping Naruto's face, tracing the cheeks with his thumbs.

"Lunch is still waiting to be cooked," he said, pinching the cheeks playfully. "I could use a hand. Unless you're planning on turning me into your slave?"

Naruto's smile was conflicted. "That wouldn't be so bad, would it? At least you'd belong exclusively to me."

oOo

Sasuke had ended up chopping the steaks so he could fry them in a pan. After his little moment with Naruto, he wanted nothing more than to finally talk to him and settle things between them – he didn't think he'd be able to handle that uncertainty hanging between them anymore. It felt like they already had a general idea of the path they wanted to follow together, but it wasn't something they had both agreed on yet. Kissing and groping did not make things official, and Sasuke needed to remember that.

Naruto had finished making the salad and had set the table. They decided to have a beer since the alcohol – even if in small amounts – would help them unwind a bit.

They sat side by side so they could be closer, but it was obvious, as they ate and drank, that they were both waiting for the bomb to drop, and since Sasuke wasn't exactly the most patient person alive, he decided to take the first step.

"So, I talked to a few people about us," Sasuke started, after taking a swig of his beer, setting his bottle down, and trying to sound casual. "More specifically, I talked to my best friends and my brother. I just… needed advice, I guess."

"That's okay. I talked to my best friend as well, as well as with the old Pervert," Naruto offered, not meeting Sasuke's eyes as his chopsticks played with the food on his plate, a new tenseness evident in his stance.

"What did they say?" Sasuke inquired cautiously.

"Well, my best friend freaked out because he thinks I've turned gay," the blond explained, letting out a dry laugh. "Said I was crazy for going after someone married and asked if I stopped liking boobs, as well as all sorts of other equally stupid questions. I think he reacted well, all things considered. I stopped listening to him rant after a while," he confessed, before sighing. "The Pervert asked if he could watch us some time. He likes to do some research for his novels if you know what I mean. Says he might start writing for the homoerotic genre."

Despite himself, Sasuke snorted. "These things are never easy," he replied, bringing a piece of tomato to his mouth and chewing slowly. It was as good as he'd expected it to be.

"How about you?" Naruto inquired, now looking at him with unmasked interest. "What did you tell them?"

Swallowing, Sasuke licked his lips and grabbed a piece of meat. "I told them about you," he explained, feeling suddenly self-conscious of those blue eyes on him. "How we had met, how things progressed, our relationship. I didn't understand the way I felt, so I wanted answers."

"You didn't know how you felt?" Naruto repeated, frowning in confusion as Sasuke brought the meat to his mouth. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Sasuke finished chewing and placed his chopsticks down. Naruto's tone made him tense up now, for some reason. After all, they had never really talked about Sasuke's feelings; it was always Naruto pouring his heart out, always him saying embarrassing things, and Sasuke knew he had yet to express his side of the matter in some way. Some would say that actions spoke louder than words, but he was sure that, for a person like Naruto, everything counted.

Sasuke, as usual, didn't like the thought of having to step out of his comfort zone. He didn't like having to verbalize his feelings when, more often than not, his facial expression or a simple look would do the trick, but he knew Naruto deserved it. More than that, he knew they both needed to come to a mutual understanding.

So he looked straight into his friend's bright blue eyes and took a deep breath.

"Don't make that face, you moron, I haven't even explained myself yet," he retorted, wryly. Then, he took another deep breath, readying himself for what he wanted to say. "Listen, I… with Karin, it wasn't like this. We were acquaintances, then we became friends. Becoming a couple was a process that took years. Everything was so slow, like… like climbing stairs, you know? One step at a time, and every three steps or so, something new happened that made me feel like it made sense to keep moving. Do you understand what I mean?"

"I think so," Naruto replied hesitantly.

"Before she appeared in my life, I had a few girlfriends, and a few flings, but they never really meant anything to me," the dark-haired one explained, trying to find the right words. "With Karin, it wasn't like this, you know? Like you and me. It was comfortable and good, but not like us." Sasuke felt his cheeks becoming increasingly hot but didn't let that distract him. "This is very new to me, Naruto, not just the fact that you're a man, but… everything. It was sudden and overwhelming, and not something I have ever felt for another person. At all. I wasn't sure of what it meant."

"Sasuke…"

"My friends helped me in a way, but they didn't understand that this was something I needed to do, something I couldn't run away from."

Naruto chewed on his lower lip. "What did they say?"

"They told me I was in love with you," Sasuke stated bluntly before he could stop himself. "And that I should play safe and stay away from you."

It seemed normal that Naruto's eyes just had to become more vibrant. "Are you?" he asked, tilting his head to the side expectantly. "In love with me, I mean?"

"I think so…" Sasuke whispered, swallowing hard and finding it very, very hard to keep looking at Naruto. "What else could it be?"

The blond remained unmoving for a while before shaking his head from side to side, speechless. He chewed some more on his lip before smiling slightly, but there was an expression on his face that seemed both happy and doubtful. When he nodded once, almost as if encouraging Sasuke to go on, he did just that.

"Well, my brother, on the other hand, gave me quite the emotional slap," Sasuke proceeded, poking at his food and looking down at his plate. "He told me that I had options and that I shouldn't be afraid to search for my happiness. But he also reminded me that I am being a bastard by cheating on my wife with you."

"Some people don't consider kissing as cheating, you know," Naruto pointed out.

"No, but some do," Sasuke replied. "Do you?"

The other male's answer came strong and fast. "Yes."

Sasuke couldn't help but chuckle at how predictable his friend's answer was. "And you're right; I am cheating. It certainly doesn't make me feel better about myself, but at least now I found some clarity. For now, that's all I need to know."

"I suppose," Naruto said, shrugging almost as if he didn't know what else to do. "Your brother seems like a wise person."

"He is," Sasuke agreed softly. "I'm sure the both of you would get along great."

"I hope I can meet him one day." The honesty in the blonde's words made Sasuke's heart skip a pleasant beat.

The two sat in silence for the next few minutes, during which they both decided that it was probably a good idea to eat some of the food they had bothered to prepare. Sasuke, personally, didn't like the idea of wasting anything, so he promptly started eating with renewed vigor, finding out that, now that he had said what he wanted to say, he felt a lot more relaxed. Naruto followed his lead, but there was still that weird stiffness in his shoulders that the Uchiha now was able to recognize as hesitation and desperation to say something. He watched the other take a long swig of his beer.

"You can tell me if something's bothering you," Sasuke offered casually, wanting to know what Naruto truly thought about this new development between them.

"Well, I was just thinking…" The blond leaned back on his chair, cradling his bottle in his lap with both hands. "Now that you have your clarity… where does that leave us?"

It took a moment for Sasuke to process the question. He had thought that he had made things clear, but apparently, he hadn't given the answers the other was seeking. It wasn't like he was good with words, but he didn't want Naruto to feel like something was missing.

"I want to be with you, Naruto," Sasuke answered, placing his free hand over Naruto's wrist for emphasis. "I want to give this a try. As I said, I've never felt this way for another person before. But I'm married. I love my wife, even if not in the way that I thought I did, and I can't just… dismiss her when you and I have so much to learn. Quite frankly, I don't know what to expect. So many things can go wrong…"

"And many things can go right," Naruto interrupted, frowning at him.

"Yes," Sasuke agreed, frowning back. "But can you say for sure that we are going to work?"

Naruto looked down at Sasuke's hand, his expression softening but not losing that slightly disturbing look to it.

"No, I can't," he mumbled, sounding devastated by the fact.

Sasuke huffed, unsure of what else to say to make things seem better in Naruto's eyes. Nothing was for certain in this life, but Naruto was a dreamer and a romantic of sorts, so it wasn't like it would ever be easy to dissuade him of his idealistic notions of the world.

"I can't just throw everything away. I can't take such a step right now, not without knowing that it's completely worth it," Sasuke ended up saying, putting down his chopsticks once more and turning to Naruto on his chair. "It's not just Karin, it's my whole life, my parents… I need you to understand, Naruto. I want to be with you. Don't hate me for wanting it this way, but this is all I can give you for the time being."

"I could never hate you," Naruto replied, looking at him sideways. "No matter what happens between us, you are someone I don't want to lose."

"I don't want to lose you either," Sasuke whispered. "I know you don't have an easy part in this. You also have reasons to be insecure."

The blond sighed.

"Yeah, I do," he mumbled. Leaning his head backward, he looked up at the ceiling as if it had wronged him somehow. "But you see, before I met you, I thought I knew what it meant to be in love. But now I know it's different. It's weird, but with you I just… I know it, Sasuke. I know you're mine." He straightened up, staring right at Sasuke with that flaming determination of his. "You may not belong to me completely yet, but a part of you does. I can't explain it, but it's something I just know."

All oxygen seemed to have left Sasuke's lungs. There was no denying that such words were intimidating in a way, but there was something about Naruto's certainty that made them all the more powerful because they seemed to warm him up from head to toe, not to mention that they made his heart very bouncy.

Slowly, he released his hold on Naruto's wrist and allowed his fingers to trail a caressing path down to the back of his hand. Naruto automatically turned his palm upwards so that their fingers could intertwine, all the while never breaking eye contact with Sasuke, who found that, fortunately, now he could not look away.

"You weirdo," Sasuke said, meaning to tease, but not really managing the right mocking tone.

"I understand where you're coming from, I swear I do," the blond said, sighing. "But you can't underestimate my feelings for you. I like you so much. I'm not afraid of anything when it comes to you; I just want you, and I want to make you happy. I don't care that you're a guy, and I am willing to change my life for this."

"But…?" Sasuke pressed on. Because, by Naruto's tone, there was a 'but' there.

"But this is not the kind of person I am," Naruto finished for him, looking pained. "I don't like to know that you're cheating and that I am the cause. This is the kind of thing that I always condemned. Only now that I am in this situation do I understand that there are things we can't avoid. But I do like you so much that I can't even go against my moral values."

The blond placed his bottle on the table and also turned his body towards Sasuke. They both adjusted their legs to the new position, with one of Naruto's knees between Sasuke's, and one of Sasuke's between his. Then, he leaned forward a bit so he could grab Sasuke's other hand in his.

"I can't be the second best," Naruto said, lowering his voice. "I won't. I won't be the mistress that waits for years and years for the married man who makes promises he'll never keep."

"I understand," Sasuke replied, truthfully, because he had already expected such a response from the other.

"I want to be with you, for real," the youngest one proceeded, his thumbs offering quick caresses to Sasuke's hands. "I know we were made for each other, and I'm serious about you. I need you to understand that, Sasuke."

"I do."

"This being said, I don't want to live a charade forever. It's because I know that we need time to know each other that I'm agreeing to do this. And because I can't help but want to be with you. But I won't give us more than a few months. No matter the status of our relationship at the time, if you don't make a decision, we're over."

Well, somehow, that had also been expected. If Sasuke was the one in Naruto's position, he would've settled things the same way, for precaution – to keep himself steady, and to keep his feelings (his dignity) intact, somewhat. That Naruto had been thoughtful enough of them to even think about such a thing was quite impressive.

It didn't make it any easier to hear, though.

"I understand," was all Sasuke could say, feeling slightly put off.

"I won't stop caring, and I will still be your friend, but this," Naruto released one of Sasuke's hands to gesture to the air between them. "Will be over. I know it'll hurt, but at least I'll keep my dignity. I need to do what I feel is right for my own sanity."

"Okay."

Naruto bit his lip and brought his free hand to Sasuke's cheek, stroking it affectionately as if to offer some comfort. Instinctively, Sasuke nuzzled his cheek on the warm palm and touched the hand with his.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke."

"What are you apologizing for?" Sasuke kissed the palm chastely, noticing Naruto smiling sadly at him.

"I guess... I wish I didn't have to say these things to you."

"Neither of us is in a simple situation, Naruto. I, too, wish things were different. I understand."

Naruto nodded. "We're doing it," he said, chortling ironically as if he couldn't believe himself. "This is it. We're having an affair."

"No, I'm having an affair," Sasuke corrected unashamedly. "For all effects, you're still single."

Naruto made a face that was almost reprimanding. "No. From the moment you said you wanted me, I became yours. Even if you're not completely mine, I'll still give you everything I have. That's the way I am."

Sasuke felt his chest swell.

"You can expect the same from me." His voice held within it a promise he intended to keep. "I'm not afraid of this anymore and, even in this twisted way, I want to do it as right as I possibly can."

Naruto watched him for a while, lips pressed into a thin and thoughtful line. Then, both his hands reached for Sasuke's left one and grabbed it so they could bring it to the level of his face.

Curious and a little expectant, Sasuke waited for whatever it was that Naruto was going to do, and that's when he saw Naruto's mouth parting just a bit. He could feel those huge eyes watching him carefully, but Sasuke's dark ones found themselves glued to the other's lips as they pressed themselves to the tip of Sasuke's ring finger, kissing it once. For some reason, the simple gesture made Sasuke feel immensely guilty all of sudden – his wedding ring was right there, in full display for Naruto to see, and somehow, it felt like the object was offending the other.

Catching his breath, he watched as the blond opened his mouth more and slowly guided Sasuke's finger inside. As if under a spell, Sasuke's eyes narrowed as his finger disappeared completely behind those amazing lips. His body caught fire at feeling the moist and warm texture of Naruto's tongue on the digit. And then, Naruto was biting down. Letting out a small gasp, Sasuke was almost about to ask what the other was doing when he felt a tug on his wedding ring. The next thing he knew, Naruto was pulling the ring out as he slowly withdrew Sasuke's finger from his mouth completely, until the golden piece of jewelry was stuck between his teeth. He grabbed it and put it on the table. Again, he looked apologetic, but he wasn't smiling anymore, nor offering reassurance.

"I know it's selfish of me, and it's not your wife's fault, neither do I have anything against her," he said in a low tone, almost as if resentful at himself. "But it's already enough that I know you're married. At least when you're with me… please don't wear it. I don't think I'll be able to do this with you if I have to see it every day."

Sasuke chewed on his lower lip and nodded his agreement. He understood Naruto's feelings perfectly since even he felt weighed down by the ring. It wasn't something particularly rational; it was more like paranoia.

He was committing a serious sin, and Naruto was being an accomplice to that, so being perfectly aware of the wrong they were doing was already punishment enough for both of them.

It was life. It was what it was, and by choosing to go through with this, Sasuke had to learn how to cope.

"Alright," Sasuke complied. "If that's what you want."

Naruto nodded back, almost reverently. "Thank you."

TBC…

Chapter Text

It's Not Fair

Chapter Twelve: Where it Begins

The school year was almost over with just a couple of weeks until the last day. The weather was becoming increasingly hot as the sunlight lasted longer.

Sasuke wasn't particularly fond of the warm season – he hated feeling hot and sweaty, and more than anything, he hated that his skin tended to become reddish rather than tanned from the sun. It became harder to work out because the heat made it hard to breathe, and even his sense of fashion felt distaste for the kind of reduced clothing he had to wear.

To put it simply, Sasuke hated the summer. Which, in conclusion, made him realize, not for the first time, the differences between himself and Naruto.

The blond couldn't be more radiant if he wanted. Not only did his energy seem to have reached yet another level or magnitude, but he was thrilled by everything the season represented. As expected, he loved the sun, the beach, cool drinks, and whatever kind of supposedly fun activities one did during the season. He wanted to do everything and be everywhere. It was like he was constantly high on Red Bull or something.

Sasuke had a feeling that the summer loved Naruto just as much because it flattered him greatly. It had only taken a few days for his skin to gain a healthy - and rather delicious-looking - caramel hue to it and for his hair to become a bright, even more vibrant, golden color. As if these traits weren't enough, those eyes of his seemed to have become even bluer in contrast to his new skin tone, and more often than not, Sasuke found himself unable to look away from his friend. This was something that annoyed him but that, at some point, he had given up on trying to avoid.

It was kind of odd how, even though they had been together for a while, Naruto was becoming more and more attractive with each passing day. Vaguely, Sasuke wondered if Naruto thought the same thing whenever he looked at him. Naruto was always saying how he thought he was good-looking, and even though Sasuke was always dismissing it, there was no denying that hearing it from him inflated his ego quite a lot.

Not that the Uchiha cared particularly about his looks. Of course, to some extent, he acknowledged that he was better looking than most average young guys his age, but it wasn't something he thought about often, and out of all his good traits, it wasn't something that he took special pride in. He liked wearing fashionable clothes, though, and he was very thorough when it came to his hygiene. If anything, he liked to look neat.

However, ever since Naruto came along and complimented him, he had to admit that he did waste a few more minutes on his appearance every day just to see that happy, hungry look the blond always had in his eyes that was reserved just for him.

Sasuke smirked a bit behind his cup of coffee, watching from his usual seat in the Teacher's Lounge as Naruto gesticulated wildly across from him and laughed as he told a few of their colleagues about a prank his students had pulled on one of their schoolmates. He and Naruto sure made a striking couple, Sasuke thought, amused.

"I'm seriously fearing that you might either start bleeding from your nose or drooling," a bored, but secretive voice mumbled beside Sasuke, startling him from his musings. Looking to his side, he saw Shikamaru watching him with an eyebrow curled upwards. "Both options are kind of disturbing, to be honest."

"What are you talking about?" Sasuke inquired dryly.

"You're staring at him," Shikamaru drawled lazily, frowning. "At Naruto. You couldn't be more obvious if you tried."

Sasuke merely blinked at him, a sudden fear bubbling inside his chest. What was Shikamaru aiming at? He couldn't be referring to what Sasuke thought he was referring to, could he?

"I'm not following your train of thought, Shikamaru," he said, as steadily as he could.

The other male simply rolled his eyes. "Please, who do you think you're trying to fool? I may look like I don't give a fuck about what's happening around me, but I do see things, and I'm not stupid," the pony-tailed one said, clearly annoyed but still keeping his tone discreet so that only Sasuke was able to hear. "I've known Naruto since high school, I know him better than he knows himself, and for months now you're all he ever seems to talk about." Sasuke was going to open his mouth to argue, but Shikamaru didn't give him a chance. "Don't bother denying it. Naruto didn't tell me anything, I just knew it. Or do you think I didn't notice the sudden disappearance of your wedding ring? Or how the two of you are always together?"

A thousand things ran through Sasuke's mind at that moment. His self-preserving side wanted to deny everything or obstruct the truth, but on the other hand, Shikamaru had shown just how insightful (and smart) he was, and Sasuke didn't want to ridicule himself trying to defend himself if the other male wouldn't buy it. Not only that, he knew he was a good friend of Naruto's and, even if he didn't have any particular wish to be best buddies with Shikamaru, being on his bad side wasn't exactly on his list either.

He looked back into the other male's almost dull brown eyes, evaluating the situation. He didn't seem particularly angry or disgusted; if anything, he looked mildly annoyed and worried on Naruto's behalf, Sasuke guessed. If Shikamaru wanted to do anything to harm his relationship with Naruto, he would've done so long ago.

"Does this bother you in any way?" Sasuke decided to ask, cradling his mug in his hand in search of some sort of comfort in such an awkward situation.

"It doesn't bother me in the way you might think," Shikamaru drawled, with a sigh. "I don't care what you guys do. It does bother me that you are doing this to him when you're still with your wife."

"How do you know that?" Sasuke inquired with a frown, feeling suspicious.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes again. "Naruto is never quiet when he's in a relationship. He usually lets the whole world know he's seeing someone. For him to not have opened his mouth to anyone only means that the two of you are being unorthodox about this."

Damn, the guy was perceptive, and it made Sasuke feel uncomfortable and more than a little self-conscious. Just like Itachi, Shikamaru made it sound like Sasuke was the biggest bastard on the planet.

"It's not like he isn't aware of how things are," Sasuke felt the need to explain, keeping his voice so low it was barely a whisper. "He accepts it for what it is for the time being."

Shikamaru merely released a tired huff. "He accepts it because he cares that much about you, Uchiha. I can tell he genuinely likes you," he muttered as if the thought aggravated him. "I don't care about what you guys do, it's none of my business. Just keep in mind that, if you hurt him, you might be losing one of the best and most loyal individuals you'll ever meet in your life."

The pony-tailed one put his hand heavily on Sasuke's shoulder and patted it rather brusquely, even if there wasn't animosity in his eyes now, just simple certainty. "I don't know what your relationship with your wife is like, and I don't want to know. Just take my word when I say that Naruto is going out of his way for you. You won't find someone like him in a million years."

Sasuke bit his lip and lowered his head, eyes coming to rest on Naruto's bright figure. Just looking at the blond made his whole being feel like it was engulfed by warmth. He acknowledged Shikamaru's words – hell, he had spent enough time with Naruto to know how much he was investing in them despite how uncertain the future between them was. Still, it felt overwhelming to hear it from another person's mouth, especially someone who knew Naruto well enough to not need a deep knowledge of their relationship to understand it.

"I know that," he mumbled, his heart swelling with both happiness and bitterness.

000

"… and it's supposed to be funny, but it's about three hours long, or whatever," Naruto was saying in a rather annoyed huff, his raspy voice coming through to Sasuke over his mobile phone. "Remind me again why I agreed to go with the old hag?"

Sasuke slumped on his family-sized sofa and grabbed the remote control that was resting on the armrest by his right.

"Because, as you pointed out, you love her and you've been promising to take her for ages now?" Sasuke replied with a slight smirk, turning his TV on.

"I must've been drunk out of my ass on both occasions if I said either of those things," Naruto replied. More huffing coming from the other side of the line followed the statement, indicating that Naruto was still running around to get ready. While checking out the various channels absently, Sasuke listened to him swear, grunt, and – as the unusual amount of noise indicated – bump into things carelessly.

The blond had promised to take his Godmother, 'the insufferable old hag' (as Naruto named her) to the opera that night, and they'd be watching Mozart's Le nozze di Figaro . Naruto, of course, liked opera to some extent – considering he studied music and all that – but even Sasuke couldn't picture him, being as restless as he was, sitting quietly somewhere for so long, even if there would be an interval somewhere in the middle of it.

"We should go out for drinks, soon," Naruto mumbled distractedly at some point as if he had been continuing some previous conversation. "Just to… y'know… relax and hang out. For a whole day, just you and me."

Sasuke shifted a bit in his seat, that familiar feeling of excitement bubbling in his chest that was now a current occurrence every time Naruto suggested they do something together. There was some kind of animal kingdom show going on on some random channel, so he threw the remote control to the side and leaned back, tucking a leg under his rear. "I'd like that."

"I have a few ideas of where we can go and what we can do," Naruto said, his voice sounding happier now. "Let me know if you have any suggestions and we can, like, plan the day."

Sasuke bit his lip and looked down at his legs. There was a loose string coming out of the seams of his pajama pants, so he tugged at it, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "I will. I'm looking forward to it, too."

He could sense the newfound smile in his friend's voice. "I wish I could talk to you for the rest of the night, Sasuke," Naruto said, with a gentle sigh. "I miss you already."

Sasuke wanted to point out that they had just seen each other that same day a few hours previously, but he had to be careful – he didn't want to say something that might raise suspicion, what with Karin close by. But he did understand where Naruto was coming from since he was also resenting the other male's absence. He could still feel Naruto's lips on his when they had said their goodbyes.

It was so unreal. Only a few weeks had passed since they had officially gotten together, and from day to day, Sasuke understood better what Itachi had meant when he said that his life was going to change.

It wasn't like his routine had changed. Sasuke still hung out with Naruto and the other music teachers whenever he could. Sometimes, he and Naruto would offer quick excuses to leave earlier so they could spend some time together before either of them had to go home. They would usually make out. A lot. Sometimes they just took walks to spend the time talking about random things. The hours seemed to fly by without their consent, and parting ways was always a process that took several minutes.

Considering everything, it was normal that the relationship seemed to be progressing slowly in some aspects, and yet, some things were changing and taking shape. Being with Naruto felt like walking on thin ice – every slow, careful step they took was accompanied by a rush of adrenaline and expectancy – but it was alright. Summer break was approaching. Soon, they would both have more time together, and Sasuke was more than eager to spend every minute available he had with Naruto. He knew that, at this point, they didn't have many chances of simply being the couple they were supposed to be, and it wasn't like they could afford to waste time. Or, to be more specific, Sasuke couldn't afford it.

"Same here," Sasuke said softly, hoping that his tone expressed his feelings.

"Aw, man…" Naruto groaned in frustration. "What I wouldn't give to pick you up right now and bring you home with me instead of going to the fucking opera…" he huffed, still sounding like he was moving around and doing things. "Bah, I'm so late! And I still have to pick 'giant tits' up!"

"Well, hurry up then," Sasuke said, trying not to chuckle at the nickname. "And don't forget to wear the tie ,"

"I am wearing it!" Naruto retorted, sounding proud. "As soon as I hang up I'll send you a picture. It looks awesome!"

"How will I know you'll take it to the opera house?" Sasuke couldn't help but tease. "Don't forget we have a deal."

"I'll send you another picture when I'm there," Naruto assured him. "I have to go. Don't take your eyes off your phone, 'cause you're about to see exactly how good I look with my amazing tie on."

"I'm sure you look as good as you look ridiculous," Sasuke joked.

"Shut up, bastard," Naruto retorted, in an obvious playful mood. "Catch ya later!"

"Bye, Naruto."

Sasuke hung up, content with the feeling of relaxation he always had whenever he spoke to Naruto.

His mobile phone vibrated in his hand not long after their conversation, and he checked it to see the picture Naruto had just sent him. He was, from what Sasuke could see, sitting on his bed, winking and wearing a dark blue suit with a navy blue shirt underneath a tailored jacket. He looked good despite his still unruly hair sticking out in every direction possible, and the general effect could've been good if not for the horrible green tie with little tomatoes decorating it he was wearing to complete the outfit. He and Naruto had spotted it at the mall one day and, between making fun of it and arguing about who could pull off wearing it, Sasuke had ended up buying it for Naruto on the condition that he'd wear it in the (very) near future and on a big occasion.

The chuckle that came out of Sasuke's mouth was low and (he acknowledged) quite evil – that tie looked so out of place with Naruto's suit it was positively disgusting. Still, he couldn't help but allow his mind to formulate a few scenarios where he would promptly remove the adornment from Naruto and dispose of it. Either that, or he'd use it to, let's say, tie Naruto to his bed and do all sorts of interesting things…

"Who's the hottie?"

Sasuke jumped in his seat and looked over his shoulder to see Karin looking down at the mobile phone in his hands from behind the sofa, crossed arms resting on the top of the back of it, looking curious behind her dark-rimmed glasses.

"Fuck, Karin, don't scare me like that!" Sasuke snapped, taking quick breaths to steady his heartbeat from the shock.

"Sorry, I thought you heard me come in," she said, smirking a bit, which indicated she had sneaked up on him on purpose. She walked around the sofa and slumped down on it, curling up beside Sasuke and leaning against his side with her head over his shoulder, looking at the picture on his phone again. "So, who is he?"

"Naruto," Sasuke all but answered, trying to keep his voice as casual and as devoid of emotion as possible, even if it was more than uncomfortable for him to have Karin look at a picture of his co-worker.

"Oh, so that's the guy who stole my husband's heart," she said teasingly, hugging his arm playfully and squeezing it.

Unable to avoid it, Sasuke tensed. To control his stupid nervous heartbeat, he took a deep breath that he disguised as a sigh "Why would you say something like that?" he asked, calmly.

"Because he's the only person on earth, besides me, of course, who is capable of making you socialize," Karin said happily, poking his side energetically and leaning away to look at him. Sasuke elbowed her gently to stop the poking and curled up an eyebrow at her. "Don't make that face, I'm glad you finally have a male friend who doesn't walk with a gray cloud over his head!" she said, smiling. Noticing his heavy frown, she quickly added "No offense to Neji. But this guy is like a burst of breathing sunshine, isn't he?"

Sasuke cleared his throat. "Among other things," he said, dispassionately, even though, in his mind, he secretly agreed with her. "He's also annoying, loud, clumsy, and big-mouthed."

"Don't be like that, I know you must like him a lot if the two of you are always hanging out," Karin said, with a small giggle. "And he's hot, too."

"Karin," Sasuke warned, frowning at her and making her laugh good-humoredly.

"What? I'm just saying," she said, snuggling more against him as if to assure him that she preferred him over the blond. "Although, that tie is pretty disgusting."

"It was a bet," Sasuke explained, blocking the screen on his mobile phone and putting it aside. "He's going to the opera with his Godmother, and I made a bet with him that he wouldn't wear it. That's why he sent me a picture, to prove that he is wearing it."

"The guy's got some balls to wear that with a blue suit," Karin pointed out, sounding impressed. "And to the opera, too!"

"That's Naruto for you," Sasuke said, unable to stop a small, affectionate smile from forming on his lips.

"Why don't you bring him over sometime for lunch, or dinner?" His wife asked excitedly, shaking his arm in emphasis. Sasuke merely gave her a look that was more than capable of expressing his thoughts on the matter but that, unfortunately, didn't deter her. "Aw, come on, Sasuke! I want to meet him if he's this important to you!"

Sasuke watched her in silence for a few seconds, contemplating her words and his feelings on how she viewed his relationship with Naruto. She didn't know the blond idiot, and Sasuke always did his best to try and not express too much emotion when it came to him, and yet, she could see through his mask. The knowledge was more than a little disturbing, but from the innocent, hopeful look in her reddish brown eyes, he knew she had no clue as to how deeply he felt for Naruto.

She was so much like him in that aspect, Sasuke thought, not without feeling disgusted at himself. Like Naruto, Karin was someone who genuinely felt happy for her beloved ones' happiness. She had no clue about who Naruto was, and already Sasuke could tell she had taken a liking to him since she never really liked any of Sasuke's friends or the people he socialized with – on the rare occasions he did.

All of a sudden, her body, so close to his, became increasingly uncomfortable.

"Just because I like to hang out with him doesn't mean he's important ," Sasuke decided to say, annoyance and uneasiness filling him as he shifted a bit to the side in his seat to distance himself slightly. Unexpectedly, everything seemed so unmistakably wrong. He decided he didn't like talking about Naruto with Karin. Better yet, he didn't want to.

"Okay, just stop," Karin demanded, straightening her back and frowning heavily at him. "You have to stop doing this."

"Doing what?" Sasuke snapped, unable to hide his annoyance.

"Pretending you don't care!" Karin snapped back, lifting her hands in the air in exasperation. "I know how hard it is for you to get along with people and I know it embarrasses you to admit you like someone, but please, don't do it." The expression on the red-haired girl relaxed and became a little playful. "I'm sure Naruto likes you as much if he's willing to put up with you every day."

"Karin!" Sasuke couldn't help but hiss, finally managing to make her flinch just a little bit, shoulders tensing in awareness. Even though Sasuke was usually easy to rile up, he was also (usually) easy to calm down most of the time. However, while he didn't often feel upset by his wife's nagging, today, it was affecting him on a personal level

It somehow troubled him that she wanted to push him towards Naruto. It wasn't as if he didn't understand her reasoning, and it wasn't as if he was jealous of anything. It was just hard to deal with guilt pressuring him with what he was doing with Naruto behind her back while she was so eager to meet him and for them to be friends. Sasuke wasn't exactly the most sociable person alive, and Karin always tried to change that about him, so he understood her excitement.

Still…

It wasn't her fault he was upset at himself. She loved him and wanted what was best for him. If Naruto wasn't someone he was involved with, Sasuke would want nothing more than to introduce him to one of the most important people in his world.

"I'm just kidding!" Karin said, offering him a careful smile, placing her hand on his elbow as if to pacify him. He almost felt the urge to move away from the touch but managed to stay put. "I know you can be charming when you want to be." Behind her glasses, her eyes had softened to the point of pleading. "Just... don't lose him. I can tell he means a lot to you. Someone like that… if you like him, then he's got to be worthy on some level, right? I may not like Neji or Sakura, but I know they are good friends to you."

Eyeing her for a few seconds in silence, Sasuke forced himself to breathe slowly and evenly through his nose to calm himself down.

He hated this. He hated that she cared to the point of pressing the issue. He hated that he was doing this to her with Naruto, and he hated that he wasn't regretting it, even in the face of something like this.

But he didn't want Naruto and Karin to meet. At all. Ever. It was a disaster waiting to happen.

There was no doubt in his mind that those two would get along, and then, the gods only knew what that would do to Naruto's mind and heart, what with him being the moralistic person he was.

What if he decided he couldn't be with Sasuke anymore? What if he wanted to end it even before it properly started?

But what option did Sasuke have? If he refused to talk to Naruto about the invitation, he would probably hurt Karin's feelings because she wouldn't understand whatever stupid reason he might find to throw at her.

Closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose, he heaved a long sigh. "Can we stop talking about this if I tell you I will talk to him?"

By his side, he could feel Karin perking up at once in excitement.

"Yes!"

"Then I will talk to him."

She squeezed his elbow, silently asking for reassurance. "Promise?"

Sasuke looked back at her. He was having a hard time keeping eye contact, but she didn't seem to catch his tenseness, luckily. "I promise."

She yelped happily and threw her arms around his neck. When she started planting several wet and enthusiastic kisses all over his face and mouth, Sasuke had to push her away a little bit, rolling his eyes because he was feeling more uncomfortable than he liked to admit. What the fuck was wrong with him?

"That's enough," he said, wiping his face with the back of his hand, even as she grinned widely at him, more than used to his awkwardness when she was affectionate like that. "You don't have to be this excited, it's just a guy."

"A cute guy!" Karin corrected, reaching out to pinch his ear. "Can't wait to meet him!"

"Hn."

"I'm gonna go check on dinner," she announced, getting up energetically and stretching her arms over her head. With a suspicious look, Sasuke noticed her pretty features becoming thoughtful. "It was kind of sticking to the bottom of the pot when I left the kitchen, but the recipe said I should let the sauce thicken."

Now that she mentioned it, the smell of burnt food was filling the air. Detecting it was hard nowadays since Sasuke was already used to the daily failures of Karin's cooking challenges. He had yet to see the day when her food (and the apartment) would smell like it was supposed to.

"Then that's probably why it smells like something's burning," Sasuke noted casually.

"Oh, shit!"

With an impassive face, he watched as the girl ran away from the living room and into the kitchen at the speed of light. He could hear cursing words and something breaking. A few weeks ago, he would've probably chuckled – because, no matter how many times she fucked up their dinner, it was still funny as hell listening to her grunt and talk to herself in the kitchen. But now, he couldn't even find the strength to find amusement in anything.

Leaning back on his sofa, he felt like he could finally relax without her around to make him feel pressured.

Why was everything so damned fucked up? Couldn't he and Naruto simply have time to themselves without shit getting in the way?

He had time, he knew he did. He just hoped that nothing would steal it away from him.

000

"Hey, Karin… do you regret it?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Rejecting Suigetsu to be with me."

"Why are you asking me this? You know I never liked him that way."

"Isn't he your best friend?"

"That doesn't mean I have to have those kinds of feelings for him. Besides, you know I've liked you for a while. We're connecting the way we're supposed to right now, so I'm exactly where I want to be, Sasuke."

"You have to have some kind of connection with Suigetsu if you're able to be friends with him despite how much the two of you bicker all the time."

"It's complicated. He gets on my nerves but was always there for me when I needed him. I'm just not into him that way. Even if I was, I think I'd be too scared to start something with him. Somehow, it feels like we'd both hurt each other if something were to happen between us."

"If that's how you feel, I understand. I just want you to be sure of what you want. I don't want to lose you, but if you need time to sort things out…"

"I don't need time. I love you. If there's one thing I know for sure in my life, that's it."

"I love you, too. But we can't be sure that we won't hurt each other, Karin."

"No, we can't, but somehow, I know we are good together. And that's enough for me. Even if we don't make it work, at least we tried. Just knowing you want it as much as I do makes me happy. This is what I want. I'm not afraid."

"Me neither."

000

The day had been far too hot for the Uchiha's liking, and since he kept complaining non-stop, Naruto had decided to take him to the beach after work. Sasuke wasn't too fond of the beach, and in truth, he had been rather reluctant to take off his sneakers and socks to put his feet on the sand, but the blonde's enthusiasm had been contagious. Both of them had rolled their jeans up and, hand in hand, had made their way to the water where the sand was cooler. The sea was calm and not as cold as expected after a whole day being bathed by the burning sun, gentle waves splashing their feet as they walked aimlessly.

Since it was still early in the summer, there weren't all that many people on the beach when they got there, but after an hour or so, it became almost deserted. The sun was already setting, sinking itself under the line of the horizon and bathing everything in tones of orange and purple. Seagulls screeched above them, and a cool breeze lifted, intensifying all the salty scents surrounding them.

Sasuke had pondered quite a lot on whether he should tell Naruto about Karin's wish or not. Initially, he thought about going home and telling her that Naruto was too busy, but then he realized that she wouldn't buy it since he and the blond were always hanging out together. Then, he had considered casually asking Naruto to come over for some reason he would think about when the time came, but soon concluded that he might not be too happy about it because 1) he would never want to set foot willingly in the place Sasuke lived with his wife and 2) he would never forgive Sasuke for not telling him he was going to come face to face with Karin.

So, at the end of the day, being honest was the best option, and Naruto, being Naruto, instead of feeling somewhat intimidated by the prospect, had been excited to meet his competition. To Sasuke's relief, though, Karin would be having quite an active month at work and probably wouldn't have time to pull a dinner out of her ass at the last minute just to meet the blond, so things would be quiet for a while. Or so Sasuke hoped.

Sasuke was laying down on the sand, his head resting on the shoulder bag he had brought to carry his and Naruto's belongings. With his eyes closed and one hand over his stomach, he allowed himself to relax to the sound of the waves crashing and of the gentle accords Naruto was playing his guitar right beside him. Sasuke's free hand was close to his face, absently rubbing at the hem of the blonde's t-shirt, his thumb occasionally traveling underneath it to feel a small expanse of skin.

"Hey, Sasuke?" Naruto asked softly, still playing the slow song. "School will be over next week. Are you going to that farewell get-together?"

"I'm only going if you go," Sasuke muttered without opening his eyes.

"Okay," Naruto said, the trace of a smile gracing his voice. He strummed the cords a few times tunelessly. "I want to go with you. I want us to have fun." The sound of the guitar ceased completely and Sasuke knew Naruto was looking down at him. "Are we, like… going as friends or… y'know…"

Sasuke cracked one eye open to look up at his friend's expectant expression. He couldn't help but smile a bit at how absurdly vulnerable and innocent Naruto looked in times like these.

"I don't mind either way," he said honestly, hoping that he sounded reassuring. "I'm okay with whatever you want to do. It's not like those guys don't talk behind our backs about how close we've become."

Naruto blushed and made a small pout. "We aren't that obvious," he contradicted. "We don't even spend that much time together when we're at school."

"It doesn't stop them from speculating, anyway," Sasuke muttered, with a shrug. "It doesn't matter either way. If you want to go as friends, we're going as friends; if you want to go as something more, then we'll do that."

Naruto smiled at him, genuine relief relaxing his features. "We'll be cool," he said, with an excited nod. "I just don't want to stop myself from having a good time with you because of what people might think."

"I sure as well don't care about what those people think."

Naruto's smile broadened, and with a small smile in return, Sasuke closed his eyes again. A few silent seconds passed before he heard shuffling beside him and the empty sound of Naruto's guitar being gently put to the side. Then, there was a body positioning itself next to his. A leg was swung over one of his, and the next thing Sasuke knew, gentle knuckles were cautiously touching his cheek and he was leaning against the touch, enjoying its simplicity.

"You're not planning on teaching at our school again, are you?" Naruto then inquired softly, sounding a little crestfallen at the thought.

"I'm not planning on teaching kids anymore, anywhere, period," Sasuke replied.

"Those kids like you," Naruto pointed out.

"They respect me, which is very different."

"That's what a teacher/student relationship is supposed to be like, you know?" the blond offered, moving his caresses to Sasuke's jaw.

"It doesn't matter, I'm not going back," Sasuke said, opening his eyes again to look at his friend and noticing just how close Naruto was, his body turned to him, looking down at him with his hand supporting his head. He took a moment to run his gaze over Naruto's features, trying to find exactly how many tones of blue made the color of the blonde's eyes before realizing he had more to say. "There's nothing about teaching that makes me happy. Apart from your existence, there's nothing that makes me want to go back there once it's over."

Naruto gave him an understanding smile, but not exactly a happy one. "So… what are you going to do during the summer?" he asked, moving his hand again so it was resting over Sasuke's chest.

"Apart from spending time with you…" Sasuke teased, grabbing the hand on his chest. "…I'm going to look for another job, and hopefully I'll find it soon. What about you?"

"Well, I also need another job, since now I have bills to pay," Naruto mumbled, with a resigned sigh. "But I'm hoping I can do that by playing at a few clubs during the night. They don't pay much, but if I can pull it off at least four nights a week, I'll be alright."

"Can I come to see you?"

Naruto made a surprised face. "What, every single night?"

"If I can," Sasuke said with a nod.

Naruto blushed slightly, and this time, his smile was honest. "Wow, my first fan," he said. "Don't you think you'll get bored?"

"I highly doubt that," Sasuke denied, smirking. "Even if you suck, at least I'll get a good laugh out of it."

"You are such a bastard!" Naruto yelled with a false affront, not hesitating to pinch Sasuke's nipple for effect. The abuse wasn't exactly all that painful, but Sasuke still flinched in shock, only to find himself oddly amused by Naruto's smug look.

"Ouch, you fucker!" he complained, keeping a straight face despite himself and punching the other male's shoulder without much force, causing him to release a bark of laughter. "Jesus, you idiot, who does that? Pinching someone's nipples is not funny!"

"Oh, man up and take it," Naruto dismissed, pinching said nipple again with less force, making Sasuke slap his hand away.

"Hands off my nipples," he warned, ignoring Naruto's pout on principle.

"What if I'm good to them instead?" the blond inquired innocently.

Sasuke contemplated it before answering. "That's something to consider at some point."

As per usual, Naruto stuck his tongue out at him and Sasuke didn't hesitate to flip him off. Still, when the blond poked his elbow, Sasuke lifted his arm and he didn't waste time moving closer so he could rest his head on his chest. The Uchiha surrounded his shoulder with his arm, strangely content with the simple intimacy of the position.

They were silent for a while and Naruto's hand was now rubbing small patterns over Sasuke's navel.

"Can I ask you something?" the youngest one inquired, after a while.

"If it's not something stupid, sure."

"If, hypothetically, we end up together, how would you change your life?"

The question was unexpected, so Sasuke didn't know how to answer it at first. For some reason, he hadn't thought about it. Well, he had, but mostly he'd thought about how his life would change as a possible future gay man and how he'd face the world and the people around him. He hadn't exactly wondered about other aspects of his life, no. He knew about things that would change, but he hadn't considered the things that he would be able to change in his personal life.

"I'm not sure I'd change much," he said, after giving it some thought. "I'd probably have to go back to my parents' house. I'd have to come out to them about you, so that'd be a big change, for sure." Naruto moved his head so that his chin was on Sasuke's chest and he could look at him. "But, apart from that, I guess it would depend on what you'd want to do as well. Like, I'd want to save some money for traveling, but then it'd be up to you whether you'd want to come with me or not. And it would also depend on what we'd want from the relationship from then on, I suppose."

"I'd go with you anywhere you wanted," Naruto said in a heartbeat and with strict conviction. "You can rest assured of that. If you were to choose me, I'd never let you out of my sight again." He shifted his position a bit so he could press his lips to the side of Sasuke's neck tenderly – something he already knew Sasuke liked. "You could move in with me, you know," he whispered.

"I'm not sure your Godfather would appreciate that," Sasuke mumbled, responding to the affection with a small kiss on Naruto's forehead.

"He wouldn't say no, I'm sure of it. But if it would make you feel uncomfortable, we could move and share an apartment."

Sasuke couldn't help but give Naruto a contemplative but rather pleased look. Naruto's words made him feel rather happy and safe, in a way, even if, surely, things would never be just as easy as that. However, he liked to believe that it was all true – that all the honest emotions he saw in Naruto's eyes were real. It wasn't that he doubted it, it was just that, sometimes, everything seemed too perfect.

"You like to dream about the future a lot, don't you?" he asked softly.

"Not really," Naruto mumbled, clenching his fist around the fabric of Sasuke's t-shirt. "I mean, I do think about the future as in, I have my own goals and things I want to achieve, but I like to live every single day as if it's somehow unique." He bit down on his lower lip before adding "When I think about the future nowadays, though, I don't hope for anything, in particular, I just… hope you'll be there with me, somehow. If I can have at least that, I think I'd be happy enough."

The change of mood after that was rather sudden. All it took was for Naruto's goofy smile to disappear and there it was, Sasuke noticed, feeling his heart beating a little faster. That look Naruto sometimes had was so open and deadly serious and that made him feel both exultant and trapped. It was a look that Naruto saved just for him.

Slowly, Sasuke's own smile faded. He could feel Naruto's fingers tightening even more. Then, Naruto was adjusting himself and Sasuke was already more than ready for those plum lips to fall upon his slightly parted ones.

No matter how honest they were with each other, there was always something that never managed to escape both of their throats, but that little something was always evident in the silence they shared.

Tongues mingled easily, perfectly in a steady rhythm achieved with blissful practice over the past few weeks, and with each delicious plunge of the muscle inside Naruto's welcoming mouth, Sasuke tried to tell Naruto all the things he couldn't with words, but no matter how hard he tried to express himself, it felt like it wasn't enough.

He could tell Naruto understood him because he drank everything Sasuke gave him as if his life depended on it, and yet, where Sasuke's actions screamed 'I want to be with you', Naruto's receptive ones retaliated with a vicious and desperate 'then, be with me'.

But it was all useless; it wasn't spoken. It was all wishful thinking in the middle of that passionate cycle of troubling emotions that moved them. And Sasuke knew that there were so many things that moved them; he just didn't want to think about it. Sometimes it was just too much, too soon. It was despair, happiness, and craving. It was the desire to wake up one day and find the world belonged to just the two of them.

Sometimes, he didn't know how to deal with the way he felt. He hoped he could find a way to learn, though, and soon.

But he was grateful for Naruto's feelings for him, just as he was grateful for the chance of feeling so deeply for another person.

As they kissed, Sasuke was very aware of Naruto moving his body so that he was straddling his thighs. Tanned fingers curled around inky strands of spiky hair as Sasuke's hands moved to touch Naruto's sides underneath his t-shirt.

Being in love was painful, the Uchiha thought, burying his blunt fingernails on Naruto's waist. How could he want something so bad and still be so stupidly scared of it? How could everything make so much sense, and yet, be so completely irrational?

He didn't want to think about anything at all. He didn't want to think about Shikamaru's protective words of Naruto, didn't want to think about Karin or about the future. He just wanted to enjoy the moment, because right now, the blond was in his arms, kissing him and pouring his heart out while at it.

As long as it was just like this, that was all it mattered.

TBC...

Chapter Text

It’s Not Fair

Chapter Thirteen: Shifting Waters

The last day of school was a welcomed relief for Sasuke because he knew that, if he was lucky, he’d never have to teach snotty brats again.

However, he was surprised himself that he felt slightly emotional when his students ran to him and cried their goodbyes, giving him horrendous drawings they had made just for him.

All the ECA teachers had chosen to spend the last few hours of the day outside, allowing the kids to play to their hearts’ content. Some of the teachers – Naruto amongst them – joined them and made the best out of that day.

Usually, Sasuke would stay in his corner, watching Naruto and the kids while making small talk with either Shikamaru or Genma. That day, though, when Naruto asked him to join in – like he always did – Sasuke simply couldn’t say no.

Because seeing the radiant smile on Naruto’s face was worth it. And because, even though he might have not particularly enjoyed his job as a teacher, it was said job that allowed him to meet someone who was already a very important part of his life. That alone was worth celebrating in some way.

000

Looking at himself in the bathroom mirror, Sasuke applied the finishing touches to his hair before glancing briefly at his appearance to make sure everything was exactly as he wanted.

It wasn’t often that he felt the need to brag about his looks, but he could proudly say that he was currently quite the sight for sore eyes. Not that he had spent too much time primping himself up, but being naturally good-looking in his daily clothes meant that he’d turn heads his way if he did spend a little time taking care of himself.

He had chosen to wear a plain black V-neck t-shirt that hugged his torso flatteringly over a pair of dark gray jeans, a leather belt adorning them. On his neck, a long silvery chain could be seen with an intricate and equally silver cross dangling from it. The somewhat gothic-looking adornment had been purchased by him in his high school days when he had gone through a serious rock/metal phase, but since it had been so damned expensive and it still looked as good as new, Sasuke still wore it on rare occasions because it gave him a dark, alluring look that he sometimes found rather useful.

He took the liberty of spraying himself a bit – but not too much – with his most expensive cologne just to cause an impact, considering he usually simply showered every day, put some deodorant on and he was ready to go.

Once he was finished primping up, he took one final glance at himself and smirked a bit. Yeah, he was looking hot. He only hoped Naruto shared his vision, or better yet, he hoped the blond found him even more appealing than he currently found himself. He couldn’t wait to see the familiar spark of interest and longing in Naruto’s eyes. If things went the way they were supposed to, Naruto’s hands wouldn’t leave him all night.

Slowly, the smirk faded from his lips and he frowned at himself, feeling his throat run suddenly dry. What the hell was he thinking? That he and Naruto were just going to rub themselves on each other all night long? Not that the thought wasn’t appealing. Considering they had been together for almost a month and still hadn’t done more than kissing and fondling, it sounded like an amazing idea.

Sasuke shook his head vigorously to clear it. He definitely couldn’t go down that road. Sure, he and Naruto were going to the farewell get-together as a couple, but that didn’t mean they could simply be that openly affectionate.

Huffing, he rubbed the back of his neck in an instinctual act of embarrassment. He knew that he definitely shouldn’t be thinking about such things, but it wasn’t as though he was a particularly shy person when it came to sex, he knew that something would have to happen between him and Naruto, eventually. As a man, he knew how the lack of sexual chemistry could unbalance an otherwise good relationship, and thus, it was essential for them to test that chemistry if they did wish to make things serious at some point.

While the thought of any kind of sex with Naruto was alluring, a part of him was feeling rather disgusted for even thinking about it while he was still married. But what could he do? If they wanted to move things along, they had to be one hundred percent in tune.

Besides, just like with everything involving the blond, it wasn’t like Sasuke could stop himself from wanting it, and knowing Naruto felt the same way made it all the more intense. Never mind that neither of them had any experience when it came to gay sex.

Well, during his high school years Sasuke had fucked one of his girlfriends in the ass once. She was a kinky thing and had asked him to do it, so even though he hadn’t entertained the thought up until that point, he had agreed just for the hell of it. It hadn’t been bad, but the prepping had taken far too long. The girl had enjoyed it at some point, and he had, too, despite the frustration he went through.

But this was probably why doing it with another guy didn’t feel so foreign to him because, in a way, he knew what to expect. A man’s body was very different from a woman’s, though, and surely the dynamics would be different. Still, Sasuke was pretty confident that he could make Naruto feel good.

But then, what if Naruto wanted things to happen the other way around? Sasuke found that he was ready to accept it, but unsure about how to take it if his blond lover were to claim his position as a top. He always thought that, since they were both male and previously straight, they’d just kind of… switch roles or something. Unless either of them preferred bottoming instead of topping, which was highly doubtful since the act of fucking itself was generally a part of male nature.

Why am I even thinking about this right now? Sasuke thought, in exasperation.

Those were things they’d have to discuss, eventually. Or not. Hopefully, they could sort it out once things started happening. Because they would. And if they were anything like his fantasies, then all would work out just fine.

Sasuke bit on his lower lip hard, feeling an unwelcome form of heat travel up his neck and down to his crotch. He resisted the urge to fan himself with his hand because it was just unbecoming of him. Vaguely, he wondered if he had time to put himself out of his misery by jerking off. Looking at the reflection of his crotch in the mirror, he tentatively ran the middle finger of his right hand along the long curve of his arousal over his pants, the light touch making him shiver slightly at how sensitive he felt. He bit his lip in contemplation – he was sure he’d cum fairly quickly. However, scared that Karin might walk in on him, he allowed his hand to drop with a frustrated groan. Rolling his eyes at himself, he chose to open the cold water tap and splash a bit on his face to cool himself down instead.

When Naruto finally texted him to let him know he had arrived, he was already feeling more in control. Checking himself in the mirror one last time, took a deep breath and made his way out of the bathroom.

In the hall, Sasuke grabbed his black leather jacket – in case it got cold later on -, house keys, wallet, and pack of smokes before going to the living room.

Karin – who was already in her PJs – was watching some kind of soap opera in the living room, sprawled on the sofa with a bag of chips on her lap and her legs over the top of one of the armrests.

“Naruto’s here already?” she asked as he walked around the sofa and leaned down to kiss her forehead.

“Yeah, and we’re already pretty late,” Sasuke lied, to avoid Karin even thinking about suggesting the blond come over to meet her. “I’m not sure at what time I’ll be home, so don’t wait for me.”

“Of course I won’t; I’m pretty tired, so I’m just going to finish watching this and then head to bed,” she said, smiling. “Have fun!”

“I’ll try.” Smiling back over his shoulder, Sasuke made his way out. There was no helping the tiny feeling of guilt at how blatantly he had lied about the get-together – he had told Karin that it was supposed to be a teacher’s event, which was why no one would be taking dates. Of course, there was no such rule, but he couldn’t risk her suddenly asking to go and him not having the chance of being with Naruto the way he wanted to. Not only that, but Karin was a party beast, and she became rather feisty and clingy when she drank. There were times when Sasuke had appreciated it in the past, but he couldn’t bear the thought of Naruto having to witness him in such a way with his wife.

As soon as he was out of his apartment, he made sure to remove his wedding ring, as usual, tucking it away safely inside his wallet.

When he got out of the building, expectedly, Naruto was waiting for him inside his Ford with some kind of fast-paced rock music playing loudly through the opened window, but he immediately turned the volume down when he saw Sasuke making his way to the car.

When Sasuke got inside and closed the door, Naruto whistled and took a good look at him. “Wow. Is all this for me?”

“Not if it doesn’t please you,” Sasuke retorted, smirking cockishly.

“Oh, it pleases me, alright,” Naruto confirmed, nodding vigorously in approval. “Very much so.”

“Then, it is for you.” The dark-haired one took the chance to check his friend out. Naruto was wearing dark blue jeans and a white t-shirt – not fancy at all – but he had shaved quite immaculately, and had taken the liberty of not only wearing a bit of cologne but also of styling his hair in a way that it seemed even wilder than usual but without looking artificial. Sasuke thought that the way blond locks were styled over his temples looked pretty damned good. But then again, Naruto always did look good in his eyes. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

“I’m glad you think so,” Naruto said, offering him a self-satisfied grin. Then, he jumped a little in his seat. “Oh, I got you something! Check the glove compartment.”

With a curious eyebrow curled upwards, Sasuke did as he was told and opened the compartment in front of him to find a small brown paper package. After grabbing it, he threw an inquisitive look at Naruto, who merely beamed at him and nodded encouragingly, eyes alert and eager to see his reaction.

He found that his fingers were twitching a bit as he opened the package. It made him feel stupid that he had to always feel moved by such simple things coming from the blond, and yet, he tried to look as composed as he could.

“Well?” Naruto asked excitedly, as Sasuke took out a pair of simple leather bracelets from the package and took a good look at them. One was black with small, silvery tacks on it, while the other was dark brown with golden ones. Apart from the color, the design was the same. “I wanted to get you something more elaborate, but somehow all the other bracelets I saw didn’t seem to fit my image of you.”

Sasuke glanced at him, unsure of whether he should ask Naruto why the hell he’d relate him to leather. Still, when he looked down at the bracelets again, he found that he truly liked them. He wasn’t a bracelet guy, and yet, strangely, those looked like something he could see himself wearing, which told him a lot about Naruto’s perception of him and his tastes.

“They’re cool,” Sasuke ended up saying, giving the blond a hesitant smile. “I wasn’t expecting it. It’s not a special occasion, is it?”

“Nah, I just wanted to give you something.” Naruto shrugged. Enthusiastically, he urged “Go on, put them on!”

With a focused expression, Sasuke nodded and put both bracelets on – the brown one on his left wrist and the black one on his right. He raised both his hands so Naruto could see them, and the blond all but gave him a pleased smile.

“They suit you,” he said, not without a self-satisfied tone. “And they look good with what you’re wearing, so I guess I hit the target dead on.”

“I guess you did,” Sasuke acknowledged, offering him a small smile. “Thank you.”

Sasuke tried to ignore the impulse to kiss Naruto that was burning in his chest, but by the way, Naruto’s eyes were drawn to his mouth as his smile faded slightly, he could tell that his friend was thinking the same thing.

But they were parked in front of Sasuke’s building, and it was too dangerous. As if realizing this, Naruto blinked a few times and quickly turned so he was facing the steering wheel.

“Well, it’s nothing!” he said, in a suddenly awkward tone, starting the car. “I’m glad you like them. Buckle up, we’ve got to go. It’s rush hour, but I’m confident we can make it to the restaurant in time.”

Smiling to himself, Sasuke did as he was told and, as usual, settled into a comfortable position. The sun was setting, but the weather was still fairly warm, so he rolled his window down and stuck his arm out, resting it on the door just as Naruto was driving out of his parking spot.

He felt strangely happy as he looked at the bracelet on his wrist, the afternoon wind blowing in his face gently.

Naruto turned the volume of the radio back up, but just a bit so they could hear each other clearly if they needed to talk. There was a music cd playing – some Japanese rock band Sasuke didn’t know, but that he warmed up to rather quickly.

“What’s the name of this band?” he asked curiously, looking at Naruto.

“One Ok Rock,” Naruto answered, glancing at him briefly with a smile. “You like them?”

“Never heard before, but yeah, they’re cool.” Feeling like it was safe enough since the car was already moving and they were far enough from his apartment, Sasuke placed his hand over Naruto’s thigh in a gesture that had become routine for them, the blond immediately grabbing for it.

A few minutes went by, but once they hit the road and kept a steady speed, Sasuke turned his palm upwards so that they could link their fingers together. This kind of simple, yet meaningful contact made him feel content beyond reason.

Since they had been together earlier that day during school, they didn’t speak for a comfortable while, simply listening to the music playing. Sometimes he’d run his thumb over Naruto’s or squeeze the others’ fingers briefly, feeling the blond squeezing back. Sometimes, Naruto would bring their joined hands to his lips and kiss Sasuke’s playfully, just because he knew the dark-haired one would glare at him.

But touching Naruto – as casually as it was – made Sasuke’s senses tingle unavoidably. Now familiar with those hands on his body – though not everywhere – he often craved them. Those same hands, that body he was familiar with but had yet to discover haunted him.

It wasn’t unusual for him to find himself aroused by Naruto’s presence alone, and it was something that both embarrassed and frustrated him because he wasn’t sure about how to fix it. Stopping his mind from wandering and wanting more was becoming an almost impossible task.

Wanting Naruto was a thought that greatly occupied his mind throughout the day, whether the other was around or not, but obviously, it got worse when the blond was right there next to him. It was becoming rather unbearable, to be honest, and even though it was clear from their interactions that the need was mutual, they had never talked about it, which made Sasuke wonder about Naruto’s endurance.

Knowing him the way he now did, Sasuke was sure Naruto could very well be stubborn and not manifest himself that openly unless Sasuke took that first step. Once that happened, the Uchiha was sure that things would unfold rather easily from then on. Or so he hoped.

There were so many things he wanted, so many things he wanted to ask Naruto and so many things he had yet to tell him… but, most of the time, Sasuke was at a loss for words, especially if he had to be the one to initiate some sort of conversation. Naruto was the one good at talking, Sasuke was only good at keeping up with the conversation and being lured into expressing his feelings by him.

He wasn’t sure how it was going to play out, but really, he wouldn’t know until it did.

“Do you ever think about sex?” The question left Sasuke’s mouth before he could stop himself, but he was far too curious to see how Naruto would react to even feel remotely anxious about it.

Naruto glanced at him quickly with a smug smile. “Please, Sasuke, I’m a guy,” he said. “The question here should be, whether there is a time when I don’t think about sex.”

“Idiot, that’s not what I mean,” Sasuke replied, making a face. Well, at least Naruto wasn’t stuttering at his blatant question, so he might as well get straight to the point. “Like, when you’re thinking about sex, do you think about sex with me?”

Naruto’s hand shook in his and his eyebrows rose, even though his eyes never left the road. “Whoa, where’d that come from?”

“I’m just curious,” Sasuke admitted, trying to keep his voice composed and casual, even though just talking about such a topic reminded his lower regions that he had some unfinished business there.

Pressing his lips together, Naruto took a while to answer. The deep reddish tone that painted his cheeks amused Sasuke, who watched him intently.

“Well, yeah, I do,” Naruto confessed almost mutedly before chewing on his lower lip. “A lot.” He seemed to be having quite a hard time keeping his eyes on the road, now, occasionally looking at Sasuke, then down at their hands for some reason, his fingers restless.

Sasuke looked down at Naruto’s crotch, trying to see if he was experiencing the same issues he was, but it was hard to tell.

”Are you thinking about sex with me right now?” He ventured, voice lowering but loud enough that it could be heard over the music.

He could almost swear that his friend’s breathing had become more elaborate because he was making a lot of noise through his nose.

They entered a more busy area, and Sasuke automatically let go of his hand so Naruto could use it to change gears, but made sure his hand was still firmly resting on Naruto’s leg.

“Well, I was when I first saw you looking like that,” Naruto said, in an oddly serious tone, before clearing his throat. “I mean, hello, you’re hot as fuck, any straight guy could see that, and we’re like, together, so, yeah. Normally, I think about it, no?” Swallowing hard, he sighed, as if realizing he had probably said too much. “But I was doing a great job ignoring it until you brought it up, so yes, now, thanks to you, I am thinking about it.”

“That’s kind of hot,” Sasuke said, smirking a bit. Without his consent (no, Sasuke knew what he was doing), though, his hand decided that it wanted to be a bit naughty and slowly make its way up to the other male’s groin. “Me knowing you think about it. Because I think about it a lot, too.”

Naruto chanced another glance his way. Curious, Sasuke looked back. Naruto seemed torn between amusement, and awe, shifting a bit in his seat. “What’s with the sudden topic?” he asked, choosing not to comment on how absurdly close to his intimate parts Sasuke’s fingers had come.

“Nothing,” Sasuke said, looking down at his hand and feeling oddly enchanted by his audacity, seriously considering whether he should just keep going or not, but he just kept his hand very still.“Maybe I just want to be with you like that? But we’re both guys and it’s like… even though it’s a turn-on, I’m not sure how it’s going to play out. So I’m eager, but a little hesitant, too.”

Well, there, he had blurted out something he probably never would’ve dared say out loud unless he was drunk.

But he was very sober. Which was good because Naruto might take him seriously. No turning back now, though, and it kind of made Sasuke feel a little restless.

What if Naruto thought he was being too aggressive, too soon? It wasn’t like, physically, they hadn’t been aware of each other, anyway, but the blond was such a righteous character Sasuke honestly couldn’t tell how he’d react to such a confession.

Naruto actually looked more surprised than anything, and when he spoke, he sounded casual and (thankfully) not freaked out. “You’ve been keeping this bottled up for a while, huh?”

“That’s one way of putting it,” Sasuke admitted, with a relieved shrug. “I suppose we had to talk about it at some point, no?”

“Sure.”

Making a small pout, Naruto took a deep breath. There was a look of concentration in his eyes now, which he kept focused on the road ahead.

“Well, since we’re going to be straightforward about this, to be blatantly honest, yeah, Sasuke, I do want to fuck you,” he said, as he ran a hand through his messy hair while the other was still on the steering wheel. His words made Sasuke’s breath catch in his lungs, but he refrained from interrupting him. “Like… badly. But I also know you want to do the same to me, and that’s fine. I’m sure we’ll figure things out when the time comes, okay? Don’t think about it too much.”

“I don’t,” Sasuke said, but his voice came out a little raspy, so he cleared his throat. Fucking hell, why did he have to feel so damned horny just by talking about it? “No, wait, I do.”

Naruto released a good-natured laugh that managed to ease the weight inside Sasuke's chest. “Men are kind of like animals,” he said, gesticulating rather emphatically with his free hand. “We follow our instincts and we trust them. It’s all very primal and animalistic. It’s all about release and all that procreation shit, so why make such a big deal out of it?”

Sasuke tilted his head to the side. “I see you’ve been watching the right shows on the National Geographic Channel,” he said, with purposeful sarcasm.

“I know right?” Naruto gave his naughty hand a few pats, still not bothering, however, to push it aside. Contrarily, he brushed the tips of his fingers over the back of Sasuke’s hand in an almost teasing manner before grabbing for his wrist, as if to keep it in place. Sasuke could almost swear that, very imperceptibly, Naruto was guiding his hand a little towards where he wanted it to be. But, the fact that the gesture was so careful it was almost unnoticeable made Sasuke understand that Naruto, too, was hesitating, unsure of what he wanted at that precise moment.

Despite how things were turning out, the dark-haired male wasn’t sure how to interpret the other’s actions, so he just stared at Naruto’s profile, trying to read him and immediately finding that tiny, white-toothed smile very honest and attractive.

“I like you so much,” Naruto said, shaking his head from side to side as if the thought itself overwhelmed him somehow. “You don’t have to worry about stuff like that, okay? It’ll be fine. I’m sure we’ll be fine.”

Of course, when Naruto said things like that, it was easy to feel reassured. Oddly enough, Sasuke did. They wanted to fuck each other – no news there – but Naruto wasn’t freaking out about it, so why should he? After all, he had decided that he was okay with whatever position he ended up in, at least at the beginning. They hadn’t even crossed that line yet, it was useless to think about sex before their first time, wasn’t it?

This made him even more excited and thirsty for it. Fuck, when would they even have the chance to do something?

“Naruto?” Sasuke called out, feeling suddenly bold.

“Hm?”

“I’m hard.”

Naruto tensed for a moment while Sasuke dared to move his hand so it was firmly placed between the blonde’s thighs, and the hardness he felt against the side of it was pretty evident. Even though he had somehow expected it – and even though he thought he was prepared for the actual feeling of another guy’s hardness – the contact sent a jolt of adrenaline up his arm and he had to stop himself from shivering.

Okay, so he had felt that against his body, had felt it against his own, but having it in his reach gave him a sense of thrill and power he didn’t think possible. Surprisingly, he liked it. Maybe it was just the knowledge that he turned Naruto on that much, or maybe it was the simple idea of being able to touch him freely like this without him complaining.

To his credit, Naruto shifted again, this time to spread his legs a little further apart in clear invitation. His voice was a bit shaky when he spoke again. “Me too.”

Teeth buried in his lower lip, Sasuke twisted his hand a bit so he could press his palm to the – rather impressive – bulge there, the angle a bit awkward for him to be able to do something more than just get a feel. It was amazing how much it excited him to touch Naruto like this.

“Yeah, I can tell.” The dark-haired male couldn’t stop himself from rubbing his palm over the front of Naruto’s pants tentatively. He had done it out of curiosity and desire to see what it’d do to the other man, so he was thrilled when he heard Naruto suck in a breath and lick his lips lasciviously. His hands were gripping the steering wheel and his face was bright red, not from embarrassment, Sasuke noticed, but from clear arousal, longing evident in his flaming blue eyes.

“Sasuke, I’m driving,” Naruto said slowly, but still not doing anything to push him away. “As much as I like your hand there, it’s distracting.” He swallowed hard. “Very distracting.”

For a few moments, Sasuke considered many different options, from teasing Naruto into cumming in his own underwear – which he was sure he could accomplish – to asking him to just pull over somewhere so they could have a bit of fun before being forced into a social environment where they’d have to keep it remotely decent. However, Sasuke reasoned, not without a huge amount of self-frustration, two guys getting off together would be messy, and they had nothing to clean up with afterward. Not that it wouldn’t be hot. The thought of it was hot. And, of course, the fact that there was still a lot of daylight and that they’d probably be arrested for going down and dirty in the car.

Heaving a resigned sigh, Sasuke removed his hand and crossed his arms over his chest, causing Naruto to relax considerably in clear relief. “You’re no fun.”

“Oh, I’m plenty of fun,” Naruto muttered with a shaky grin, wiping a bit of sweat off his forehead. “Let’s not talk about sex anymore, please? I need to get this boy under control or I’ll just start talking about all the things I really wanna do to you right now, and trust me, that’d be embarrassing as hell.”

“Okay, you’re not helping yourself, or me,” Sasuke retorted, leaning his head back against his seat and glaring at Naruto. “Shut up so I can will my boner away in peace.”

Naruto’s smile faded to give place to a comically anguished expression. “Now I’m thinking about your boner, Sasuke. I’ll never get it down now.”

Sasuke snorted and closed his eyes.

“Just shut up for five minutes.”

“But Sasukeeeeee…!”

“Shush.”

They were such idiots, both of them. But he felt really good despite everything, and things seemed so less complicated now than they seemed half an hour before. It all seemed possible now, and it felt like, no matter what, screwing up wasn’t an issue anymore.

000

Even though they had been stuck in traffic for about twenty minutes, they were the first ones to arrive at the restaurant. The posh place was situated in a rather secluded but busy street close to the bar they'd be going to later on, according to the information Anko had provided. It was close to 9 pm already, and yet, the last rays of the sun were still prevailing above the buildings.

Naruto had managed to park his car near the sidewalk across from the restaurant, but they chose to wait for the others outside the vehicle to be spotted more easily.

With his lower back resting against the hood of the car, Sasuke texted Genma while Naruto went inside the restaurant to see if everything was alright with their reservations.

Genma texted him back a few seconds later, saying that he, Anko Temari, and her brother were almost there.

Sasuke had no clue about everybody else, but he remembered Shikamaru saying something about how he and TenTen would be arriving together since they lived close to each other.

To pass the time, Sasuke lit a cigarette for himself, taking a long drag and expelling the smoke slowly, enjoying the relaxing feeling provided by the nicotine. It would be a tough night, he could tell , if his interaction with Naruto in the car had been any indication. At least talking about sex was out of the way, but getting to do it would be another, very different thing, and honestly, something that looked far too distant to him.

The thought was a little unsettling.

Naruto didn’t take long in the restaurant, so as soon as he was finished, he got out and headed towards Sasuke and leaned on the car beside him, their arms bumping.

“Everything seems to be in order,” he said happily, flashing Sasuke a bright smile. “Any news from the guys?”

“They’ll probably be here soon,” Sasuke said, flicking the ash off his cigarette to the ground with little interest. “It’s not like we’re in a hurry.”

“No, but I’m kind of hungry already,” Naruto replied, crossing his arms over his chest. He kicked a stone near his foot and then asked “So… are you ready for this? I mean… it’s the first time we'll openly be a couple in front of people we know.”

“As long as they aren’t assholes about it, I’m cool,” Sasuke muttered, truthfully.

By now, he was more than used to the occasional looks he and Naruto got whenever they decided to kiss, hug or hold hands in public. There was no fighting that kind of prejudice, and he didn’t care what people thought either way as long as no one tried anything funny to harass or harm them. They had been lucky so far, since disgusted glares had been the most they had been subjected to. But he was sure that both he and Naruto would stick up for themselves with nails and teeth if they needed to defend their relationship.

“Well, I’m glad.” With a content grin, Naruto stole Sasuke’s cigarette from his mouth and took a long drag. “Don’t look at me like that,” he added, noticing the other’s reproachful look.

“I thought I told you that you didn’t have to do that anymore,” the Uchiha said.

“Oh, cut me some slack, it’s just for today,” Naruto dismissed, giving him the cigarette back, which Sasuke took, with an eyebrow curled upwards. “Besides, if I don’t smoke too, you kinda taste like an ashtray when I kiss you.”

“Well, that’s a nice way of telling me to stop,” Sasuke replied, faking affront, elbowing him harshly. “Don’t worry, you won’t have to kiss me for the rest of the night if it bothers you so much.”

“Aw, don’t be like that, I’m just kidding!” Naruto swung one arm around his shoulders and kissed his cheek playfully. “You should know I don’t mind. Kissing you is like, my top priority these days.”

Sasuke gave him an unimpressed look as he inhaled the cigarette, but when the blond was going to reach for it again, he promptly let it fall to the ground and smashed it with the sole of his shoe, causing his friend to gasp.

“You’re so evil!” Naruto complained, immediately squeezing his neck punishingly with the curve of his elbow as he whined loudly. “That’s not fair, Sasuke!”

“At least neither of us smokes anymore, how’s that?” Sasuke retorted, trying to pry himself free by pressing his wrist to his chest to push him away, even though Naruto was trying to wrestle him or something of the sort. It wasn’t like the other was hurting him, it was all just playful, but it was too hot for that kind of energetic contact. “Cut it out, moron, you’re choking me!”

As if on cue, Naruto stopped his attempts at engaging in an animalistic Homo sapiens fight. “Meanie,” he mumbled with a pout, however refusing to release Sasuke. He bumped his forehead against Sasuke’s temple hard, but not hard enough to be painful, grinning when the other turned his head to narrow his eyes threateningly at him. Then, Naruto reached out to cup a pale cheek, their noses brushing gently. “Kiss me?”

Sasuke rolled his eyes and sighed, but didn’t stop himself from complying, closing the remaining distance between them even if his neck was in a rather uncomfortable position and they were currently out in the open in a rather busy street. These small details vanished from his mind as soon as their lips touched and their mouths moved over each other.

The kiss was calm and slow, meant for them to simply enjoy each other. Naruto allowed his hand to slide down until it was softly touching the curve of Sasuke’s neck, the contact causing Sasuke to moan quietly before deepening the kiss so that their tongues could touch. Just as he was starting to get into it, though, a shrieking voice echoed in the air.

“Oh my God, they’re kissiiiiiiing!” Startled, the two broke the contact to see TenTen running over to them with a bored-looking Shikamaru following after her at his calm pace. “Shika, did you see that? I fucking knew it! I was so right!”

“Hello to you too, noisy lesbo,” Naruto greeted with a smirk when the girl reached them. She looked very pretty with her hair down and slightly less tomboyish clothes. Sasuke could swear she had stars in his eyes. “Someone got dressed up nicely.”

“I know right? Let’s hope I get lucky tonight, huh?” Tenten said happily.

“Hey you two,” Shikamaru mumbled without a lot of enthusiasm, joining them.

“Hi,” Sasuke said blandly. It was kind of hard to pretend that Tenten’s excited demeanor didn’t make him uncomfortable, especially considering the knowing way she was looking at them since Naruto still had his arm around his shoulders.

“How long?” She asked shamelessly, only to raise a hand to stop Naruto from answering. “No, don’t tell me! It was like love at first sight, right? You guys were always flirting with each other, there was so much sexual tension I was sure you guys would get together at some point!”

Shikamaru sighed tiredly.

“Yeah-yeah, you were right, can you cut it out now?” Naruto said with an awkward smile, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Hah, straight my ass!” the girl poked his chest in victory. “You guys look so cute together, though!”

“What’s with the damned chaos?”

The four of them looked to the side to see Temari getting out of a black sports car that had been parked not too far from where they were standing, followed by Anko, Genma, and a red-haired young man dressed up in a rather punkish outfit.

“Temari, Anko, these two are together!” TenTen said loudly, waving at the newcomers and pointing at Sasuke and Naruto. “I caught them sucking each other’s faces off!”

“So?” Temari said, making a face as they locked the car with the remote, while she and the rest of the group made their way to them. “Who cares?”

“And this surprises you, why?” Genma asked, coming to a stop next to Tenten and pulling at a strand of her hair. Then, he looked at the only couple in the group and smiled warmly. “Good for you.”

“Fucking yay for them,” Anko replied dryly, looking around. Sasuke noticed that she was wearing a rather indecent black shirt that showed way too much cleavage. “Where are the rest of them?”

“Gaara, my man!”

Naruto finally thought that it was a good idea to let Sasuke go so he could shake hands with the red-haired youth that had made his way to him. The guy was kind of attractive but looked threatening, what with the black eyeliner adorning his eyes, the perfectly schooled features, and attentive marine eyes. Still, he offered Naruto a tiny smile.

“Naruto, hello.”

“Sasuke, this is Gaara, he’s Temari’s younger brother,” Naruto introduced, pulling Sasuke by the arm so he was in front of the red-haired male. “He’ll be playing at the bar we’re going to later. He’s from the same school I’m in.” Naruto flashed a smile at Gaara. “Gaara, this is Sasuke, he’s my… boyfriend.”

Sasuke tried not to flinch at the word being uttered out loud, but then again, he wasn’t sure what else Naruto could have called him that wouldn’t sound too debauched.

“Nice meeting you, Gaara,” he said simply, shaking hands with the other man.

“Likewise,” Gaara replied. His tone was low, grave, but polite, his eyes unblinking as they looked straight into Sasuke’s, but for some reason, the dark-haired one knew it wasn’t supposed to be intimidating. “Naruto speaks fondly of you.”

“We should just head inside and wait for the others there,” Anko barked, clearly in a bad mood. “I need to use the bathroom and I’m fucking starving.”

“We should text the others!” Tenten said, immediately rummaging through her purse to fish out her mobile phone.

“Whatever, let’s just go,” Temari said. “They’re the ones who’re late.”

Naruto immediately grabbed Sasuke's hand and intertwined their fingers, smiling brightly at him and making him smile back.

The group headed to the restaurant, chatting loudly among themselves except for Gaara, Sasuke, and Shikamaru, who merely intervened quietly here and there.

So… apparently, there were a lot of things that had just been pushed out of the way in the space of an hour, Sasuke mused, as they entered the posh restaurant and looked for their massive table. Their colleagues – the ones that mattered and the only ones Sasuke got along with - didn’t care if they were a couple, but Sasuke had to wonder exactly how no one, apart from Shikamaru, had noticed he was married. Maybe they had but supposed he was going through a divorce or some similar situation. It was relieving enough that no one wanted to pry.

Considering that, he was sure the night would still bring many surprises for himself and Naruto, and Sasuke was okay with it – for once in his life he was determined to simply enjoy himself in the company of his boyfriend – because, yes, if everything went well, that’s how he’d officially start referring to Naruto as – surrounded by people they knew. It was sure to be an experience that would do them good, hopefully. But Sasuke wasn’t nervous. They were totally in sync in lots of things, and that was all that mattered.

Somehow Sasuke felt like tonight was going to be some sort of a test, and he was truly okay with it. He wasn’t naïve – he knew what those kinds of social environments with alcohol and music did to people, and he was ready for it.

Despite everything that had developed between them in the car, Sasuke decided that he wasn’t going to worry himself about it. He was going to enjoy himself, enjoy Naruto’s company to its fullest and everything else be damned. He wasn’t going to let his previous inhibitions make him think about unnecessary stuff and stop him from having the time of his life.

Hopefully, it would be a long, fulfilling night.

TBC…

Chapter Text

It’s Not Fair

Chapter Fourteen: Love They Say – Part I

The rest of their co-workers – people Sasuke didn’t care for – didn’t comment on the sudden display of proximity he was sharing with Naruto. Some of them threw weird looks their way, but as long as they refrained from commenting, Sasuke wasn’t going to let it affect him or his unusually good mood.

Counting fellow teachers, along with a few tag-alongs, they were a group of twenty, randomly seated at a long rectangular table that seemed to occupy most of the elegant restaurant. Sasuke and Naruto had sat side by side close to the other music teachers. Despite the several strangers, everybody seemed to be in good spirits and the conversation flowed rather easily.

After dinner, the group chose to go by foot to the bar they had chosen. Sasuke had never been there, but Naruto assured him that it was pretty cool. The walk there was spent in noisy chatter, and he and Naruto got involved in a small banter where Naruto insisted that he wanted Sasuke to dance with him and Sasuke vehemently refused. Dancing was in his treasured list of ‘Things Uchiha Sasuke Definitely Did Not Do’, and not even the blond would change that.

The night was still young, but when they got to the bar, the place was already half-full. It was pleasantly clean and very tasteful, decorated in tones of grey, black and white. There was a small stage with instruments tactically positioned on the wall opposite the entrance with a space in front of it that looked like a small dance floor. The bar was on the left; on the right, one could see several large ‘C’-shaped booths that could be occupied by at least six people, and all over the place, several small four people tables were scattered about.

The flickering lights were colorful, and some catchy pop music could be heard.

As soon as everybody got there, people started splitting up into several small groups, which Sasuke was thankful for since, once again, he and Naruto were easily reunited with their group, consisting of the rest of the music teachers, Anko, Temari, and Gaara. At this point, he felt like everything was just as it was supposed to be and that they would have some good old-fashioned fun.

The eight of them immediately made their way to the bar since everybody seemed eager to get started on the alcohol, and Sasuke couldn’t say that he disagreed.

“We should so get a few shots to get things heated up!” Tenten said excitedly, her voice screeching and loud above the blasting music.

“I want to start with the Kalashnikov!” Naruto said, raising his hand in the air like one of his students.

“I’m fine with whatever,” Shikamaru shrugged.

“I have no idea what a Kalashnikov is,” Sasuke said, genuinely interested.

The group looked at him, and Temari smirked nastily and patted him on the shoulder – and her hand was rather heavy, Sasuke had to give it to her. “My friend, we will introduce you to the joys of the most fucked up shots ever in no time.”

“Don’t be a bad influence on my boy, you crazy woman!” Naruto said, throwing an arm around Sasuke’s shoulders while laughing. “I know for a fact that he can’t hold his booze like the rest of us.”

Sasuke threw him an unimpressed glance. “Are you actually challenging me, or are you just trying to act tough to impress someone?” he asked, producing a fake annoyed expression.

“Maybe a bit of both?” Naruto said, waggling his eyebrows in a comically suggestive way that had no sex appeal to it. “It depends on what gets your gears going faster, baby.”

Well, if anything, Sasuke was feeling amused.

“OH, please, some of us are trying to keep our food in our stomachs,” Anko replied, rolling her eyes in disgust. “Eight Kalashnikovs, then?”

“If you pay for the first round, sure,” Genma, who was beside her said with a shameless grin.

Anko flipped him off and dragged Temari by the wrist towards the bar so they could order the shots, and the group ended up following them.

Once at the bar, Sasuke watched with fascination as the heavily tattooed bartender filled eight small glasses with vodka and then neatly placed half a slice of lemon over each one of them. Then, he seasoned the slices with sugar before grabbing a green bottle of what looked like absinth and pouring a bit of it over the lemon.

“Wow, that’s a fucking bomb right there,” Sasuke couldn’t help but comment. He wasn’t used to doing shots, he was more of a tall glass drink kind of guy, but he was all for trying out new things.

“You’re gonna love it,” Naruto assured him, smiling excitedly. “It’s strong, but it’s pretty good.”

The bartender then proceeded to set the eight slices of lemon on fire before effectively sprinkling some sort of brownish powder over them that made the small flames flicker a bit more wildly.

“All yours guys,” the man said with a satisfied, cocky smile, and Sasuke and Naruto didn’t hesitate in reaching for a glass each like the others did.

Sasuke eyed his tiny glass that was on fire with suspicion. “How the hell am I supposed to drink this?”

“You have to put the fire out first,” Gaara, who was behind them said, expressionlessly. “You just blow on it.” Then, he proceeded to exemplify for Sasuke to see, effectively blowing on the lemon and putting the fire out. Naruto laughed and Sasuke merely glared at him but did as he was told.

“Okay, so now you pick up the lemon,” Naruto explained, once he, too, had put out his small fire, and grabbed for his half-slice. “You drink the shot, and then suck on the lemon right afterward.” Sasuke nodded his understanding and also grabbed for his lemon between his pointer finger and thumb. Naruto looked from him to Gaara and raised his glass with a large grin. “Bottoms up, guys!”

The three downed the shot at the same time in one go. Sasuke felt the burning feeling of the alcohol filling his insides and for a second there, the sheer power of the combined drinks he had ingested made him wonder if his lungs stopped functioning. It wasn’t exactly pleasant, at all, and he was almost brought to a state of anxiousness until he remembered that he still had the lemon, so he bit down and sucked on it. The soothing effect of the acidity of the lemon combined with the sugar and cinnamon was immediate, like water putting out a fire.

Lowering his glass, Sasuke considered the taste on his tongue, feeling a bit torn at the conflicting feelings he was experiencing towards what he had just ingested. It had sort of been like… a rush of adrenaline that assaulted him one moment and abandoned him the next.

He decided that yes, he did like it very much.

“Good?” Naruto asked, noticing Sasuke lick at his lips with a rather pleased look on his face.

“Very good,” Sasuke agreed, with a solemn nod, putting the remnants of his lemon inside the glass.

“I’ll pay for the next round for the three of us,” Gaara said easily in his disinterested demeanor, as the three of them set the glasses down on the counter. He gestured for the bartender to get them more of the same and Naruto took the chance that the red-haired one had his back to them to place a small kiss on Sasuke’s lips that made him smirk a bit.

That’s when Naruto’s eyes traveled to some spot over Sasuke’s shoulder and his grin became huge. “Kankuro!”

Sasuke all but looked over his shoulder to see who Naruto was calling, but his eyes didn’t land on the person, but on the people accompanying him and he felt his insides turn to ice in less than a second.

There was no mistaking it. Sakura was there, and so were Neji and his girlfriend, Ino.

Oblivious to his sudden change of mood, Naruto pulled him by the hand towards his friend, who, oh-so coincidentally seemed to come with Sasuke’s friends.

Was this some kind of sick joke by fate? It didn’t seem real that Sasuke’s friends knew one of Naruto’s, it just… seriously?

“You made it!” Naruto said jovially, stopping in front of a brown-haired, tall guy that had Sakura clinging to his arm.

“Of course! I said I’d come, didn’t I?” the guy, Kankuro, said, shaking Naruto’s hand. Sasuke felt his mouth close tightly as Sakura, Neji, and Ino looked at him with equal expressions of bewilderment. He could swear he was going to throw up his heart when three sets of eyes looked down at the obvious and not at all just friendly way his fingers were intertwined with Naruto’s. “Naruto, this is Sakura, Neji, and Ino. We’re kind of on a double date thing.”

Naruto was going to say something, probably greet them or introduce Sasuke, but Sakura, in her blatant shock, clearly had other ideas.

“Sasuke?” she said, gaping.

Sasuke’s eyes traveled to his three acquaintances, but he could feel Naruto tensing and his smile fading.

“Oh, so you guys know him?” Kankuro said easily, extending his hand to Sasuke who automatically took it. “If you’re Sasuke then you’re Naruto’s guy, right? Nice meeting you man, I’ve heard so much about you.”

“I bet you did,” he said, trying not to flinch at the way Neji’s eyes narrowed. “Nice meeting you too.”

“Kankuro, Sasuke happens to be best friends with Neji and me,” Sakura said in an oddly dispassionate tone, looking at Sasuke and then at Naruto when the blond tensed, his hand instinctively releasing Sasuke’s.

“Ah… really?” Kankuro muttered, sensing the sudden change of moods in the air.

Naruto seemed lost, unsure of how to react or what to do to the unexpected turn of events.

Sasuke sighed. Great. Now his friends were aware that he and Naruto were together, and Naruto knew that his friends knew nothing of their relationship. Just fucking great.

“So, you’re the Naruto!” Ino said, ever the happy person. She took a step towards him and grabbed for his hand, but not before winking conspicuously at Sasuke. “Oh my, you’re so much more handsome than what I had imagined!”

Of course, Sasuke thought. Of course, Sakura and Neji would have told Ino about Naruto, he should’ve known. Still, he was thankful that she seemed so bent on saving the day for him. Ino had always been perceptive of her surroundings like that. She was pretty smart, too, as was Sakura.

“Er… thanks, I guess?” Naruto said, doubtfully, offering her a small smile. “I mean, this is such an odd coincidence it’s a little awkward…”

“You should introduce Naruto to us properly, Sasuke,” Neji said, his voice smooth but loud enough to be clear over the music. Sasuke glared at him, but deep down, he knew it was his fault that he was in such a situation. He had never expected to come face to face with his friends, but this was only living proof that he was being more than a little reckless in his relationship with Naruto.

“I’m sorry for being rude,” he said. To ease Naruto’s mind, he put his hand reassuringly over his shoulder. “Naruto, this is Ino, Neji’s girlfriend. That over there is Neji and that’s Sakura, they’re both the friends I told you about.”

“Okay,” Naruto nodded but the tenseness in his demeanor got Sasuke a bit worried.

“Guys, this is Naruto, and you already know who he is.”

“Yes, he’s your boyfriend,” Sakura said, frowning with hurt at him before looking back at the blond, her eyes becoming softer. From her demeanor, Sasuke could tell she had perceived the situation as well. “I’m so sorry, Naruto, this is rather unexpected, but it is a pleasure to meet you! I’ve been wanting to get a glimpse of you forever!” Sakura took a step toward Naruto and gave him a short hug that he reciprocated with an evident relief that Sasuke shared. She leaned away to take a proper look at him. “And Ino’s right, you are quite a looker! I kind of expected Sasuke to have bad taste in men since his taste in women is atrocious.”

“Don’t be mean, Sakura!” Ino laughed, giggling a bit as the two shared a knowing look that made Sasuke simply know they were talking about Karin. “But you guys look so good together!”

“Can I please greet the man, for God’s sake?” Neji huffed, pushing his girlfriend to the side and extending his hand to Naruto, who eagerly shook it. “Please, don’t misinterpret it. We invited Sasuke out today and he told us he was busy, so we weren’t exactly expecting to find him at a club.”

Sasuke’s relief seemed to expand as Naruto relaxed at this, and he couldn’t help but send a thankful look toward his best friend. For a second there, he felt guilty for a lot of things, but especially because he had considered that his friends might screw him over – even if, all things considered, he probably deserved it for keeping secrets.

“I see,” Naruto said, smiling softly but genuinely at Neji. “I’m sorry for the awkwardness, this was pretty unexpected, but it’s nice meeting you all.”

“It’s just a get-together with co-workers,” Sasuke explained blandly, turning to Neji. “I’m not exactly out clubbing just for the hell of it.”

Naruto gave him a look. “Yeah, it’s true, but all this confusion just proves how much of an anti-social bastard you are, Sasuke!” he replied, good-naturedly hitting his arm with the back of his hand. “You could’ve told me your friends wanted to go out and we’d have invited them!”

Oh, yes, of course, that would’ve been a wonderful idea, Sasuke thought sarcastically.

“Ah, I’m sure there has to be a reason why Sasuke didn’t want us to tag along,” Sakura intervened, smiling rather devilishly and glancing over at the Uchiha. “After all, it’s not like he dresses up this nicely every day.”

Naruto was now looking rather amused as he joined Sakura in the teasing. “He does look pretty good, doesn’t he?”

“Sakura…” Sasuke warned, gritting his teeth.

“I’m just saying you look good, and Naruto thinks so, too,” the girl retorted, her voice becoming deceivingly sweet. Then, she looked back and forth between Naruto and Kankuro. “And how do you guys know each other?”

“Well, Naruto and my little brother are studying music together,” Kankuro replied, seeming glad that he had some input to offer to the conversation. “Where’s Gaara, by the way?”

“Ah, he’s over at the bar, we were having a few shots,” Naruto explained. “I’m sure ours are ruined by now.”

“Who cares, he’s the one paying for it,” Sasuke said, with a smirk, and Naruto all but grinned widely at him.

“My thoughts exactly.”

“Wow, he’s in a generous mood,” Kankuro joked. “You have to meet him, Sakura. And Temari’s here, too, isn’t she?”

“Yeah,” Naruto said, looking around in search of said female. “Oh, there she is! She’s been glued to Shikamaru since dinner, though, so I wouldn’t try to pry her away if I were you.”

Kankuro smirked. “Yeah? Well, that’s too bad, ‘cause she’s gonna have to put up with me since she was the one who told me that I definitely should come today.” He threw a meaningful look at Naruto and added, in a singsong way. “I heard someone is planning something…”

“Ahhhh, you guys can come to hang out with our group!” Naruto interrupted urgently, turning to Sasuke’s friends again and releasing a rather ridiculous laugh. “Since we’re all acquaintances already and all that…”

“That sounds great!” Ino agreed, looking at Sakura and Neji for confirmation, who both nodded their approval, even if they seemed rather curious over what Kankuro was talking about. Sasuke didn’t miss the way Naruto’s neck and cheeks turned a brilliant red.

The group made their way to the bar once more, where Gaara was waiting for Sasuke and Naruto, patiently protecting their Kalashnikovs that were waiting to be set on fire. The slices of lemon on top of the tiny glasses seemed a little wrinkled already, but it wasn’t as though either of them would complain.

Kankuro introduced Neji and the others to Gaara while Sasuke tried to catch the bartender’s attention. He was thankful that his friends’ attention was now focused on meeting new people, and was only able to relax a little after they distanced themselves a bit more to meet Temari and the rest of their closest co-workers. Since the bartender was busy taking an order, Sasuke decided he was going to use his lighter to light up the lemons. He picked up his glass and handed Naruto his.

“You’re so full of shit,” Naruto said calmly, while Sasuke took out his lighter from his pocket.

Sasuke flicked the lighter and lit Naruto’s lemon first. Only when he was doing the same to his own, did he speak. “Why would you say that?”

“I don’t know, I could almost swear for a moment that your friends had no clue about the current status of our relationship,” the blond replied, even though he was smiling rather playfully. “You didn’t want them to meet me?”

“That’s not it,” Sasuke defended, letting the lemon burn for a bit before blowing on it, Naruto imitating him. “But they have enough misconceptions about us as it is, and I just… I didn’t think it was the time. I’m sorry”

Naruto eyed him for a few seconds, almost thoughtfully. “Is there ever even a perfect ‘timing’ for such things?” He asked, his voice soft, but Sasuke could hear him. “Besides, it’s not like it matters. Some things just come and bite you in the ass the more you run away from them; it’s how the world works.”

The blond shrugged his shoulders and grabbed his lemon before raising his glass. “Just like some things are meant to happen, I guess. Some coincidences are just too fucked up to be just that. At least that’s how I see it.”

Sasuke stared at him impassively, but inside, he wasn’t sure how to respond to such a statement, even though he could understand where Naruto was coming from.

Sometimes, it felt like fate itself pushed him towards Naruto. The more time they spent together, the more life seemed to adjust to them, to what they wanted and needed as a couple. The more Sasuke tried to avoid certain things, the more did they seem to follow him around. It was like Naruto was becoming a constant in his life and in everything he did, and he had no control over it. Naruto was everywhere, consuming everything without even meaning to, and the thought was both magical and frightening.

Sasuke felt a sharp pang in his chest and his breath got stuck in his lungs. Once in a while, he wondered if that feeling would ever disappear – that painful yet powerful overflow of conflicting feelings for Naruto. His Naruto. Someone he didn’t want to hurt, yet he knew he did it, every single day. However, he had no idea how to even begin to make up for it.

Well, he did, of course, he did, but it wasn’t as if things could simply… go that way, just like that. Although, sometimes, Sasuke wished they could and that he could one day go to sleep and wake up to find Naruto on his bed instead of…

Swallowing hard, he cleared his throat. It felt horrible to think such things. It made him feel desperate and hopeful and just… anxious.

“Hn…” he muttered, grabbing for his lemon as well, eyes never leaving Naruto’s. “I can’t disagree with your logic.”

“Of course, you can’t,” Naruto said, grinning cockishly. “You know it as well as I do. Still… I’m glad I got to know someone from your life. I know so little about what you do and who you’re with when we’re not together.”

“You don’t need to,” Sasuke replied, frowning gently. “I don’t want you to be involved with the elements of a life that’s not ‘ours’.” He bit his lip, knowing he had just confessed to something very serious and personal. “My friends are my friends, and yet, they don’t agree with this. That’s why them meeting you for the time being felt meaningless to me.”

Naruto’s expression turned into one of helplessness in the blink of an eye. Clearly, at a loss of what to say, he downed his shot and sucked on his lemon. Then, he slammed the glass down on the counter of the bar and made a face, gesturing for Sasuke to hurry up and drink his, and the dark-haired one all but complied, thankful for the welcomed feeling the alcohol provided.

As soon as he was done with his shot and put everything back on the counter, Naruto broke the distance between them and hugged him tight by the waist, immediately burying his face in the curve of his neck. Sasuke was a little taken aback by the sudden display of needy affection, yet he hugged Naruto around the shoulders, unsure of what else to do.

He wasn’t sure how he was going to survive the night.

That day marked the end of a particular stage of his life, as well as the beginning of a new one. There was no telling what lay ahead, but it looked a lot more promising than it did before meeting Naruto, but clearly, a million times more troublesome.

Sasuke only hoped that he could deal with it.

000

After spending some time with their colleagues, the two of them ended up sitting at one of the huge booths with Kankuro, Sakura, Neji, and Ino. It appeared that Kankuro was Sakura’s new boyfriend (or better, Sakura’s fourth in the last five months), and she seemed pretty into him in her way. Still, Sasuke knew her all too well, and was surprised that she had chosen someone so… vulgar, because she tended to like refined, attractive men. And Kankuro, while having a good enough appearance, was not exactly handsome, and neither was he particularly gentlemanly – he was more like Naruto, actually: simple and easy-going.

The environment was pleasantly cheery and friendly, even though the bar had become rather packed with newcomers and the music was now blaring louder. Some people were already filling the small dance floor.

Naruto, of course, was charming and managed to make easy conversation with Ino and Sakura, Kankuro intervening here and there. The two girls seemed genuinely interested in getting to know the blond, too. Neji, on his part, was quiet but relaxed, which was usual for him since he wasn’t a very sociable person anyway, and neither was he very fond of the night scene. Still, he was expectedly observant of the way Sasuke and Naruto interacted, and his eyes would always focus on them whenever they touched, leaned in to talk to each other, or even so much as share a look.

Naruto didn’t seem upset by this, and while he wasn’t pushy or clingy, he made no effort to act any differently than he did when they were alone. So, no, Sasuke couldn’t say that he was upset by them holding hands under the table, or by the occasional kisses on his cheek or neck. They even made out a bit when Ino and Sakura were telling Kankuro some stories of their times at university. It was a little embarrassing that his friends were right there, but at the same time, it felt like they needed to see him and Naruto together. Sasuke didn’t know why this was important to him, but now that they were aware of his relationship with Naruto, he just wanted them to understand.

Their co-workers passed by the table sometimes to check up on them and just chat. Some lingered for a while and then disappeared into the crowd again. Genma dropped by and stuck around for half an hour or so before deciding to go and talk to a woman that he had been ogling for a while.

At some point, Gaara approached their table and put his hand on Naruto’s shoulder. Naruto looked at him and merely nodded with a small smile.

“I’ll be back in a second,” he said to Sasuke and the rest of the table’s occupants, standing up.

“Ah, I’ll go help you guys out,” Kankuro offered, standing up as well.

“Where are you going?” Sasuke asked, surprised by the sudden interruption.

“I just have something I need to do,” Naruto answered, smiling down at him reassuringly and reaching out to brush his fingers lovingly over one of his bangs. “Don’t worry, I won’t run away.”

“As if I’d worry about such a thing,” Sasuke muttered, crossing his arms over his chest, even though he didn’t like the idea of Naruto leaving to do whatever it was that he had to do.

Naruto shook his head from side to side and leaned down to press his lips to Sasuke's forehead, afterward poking the same spot with two fingers. Sasuke scowled at him, but he merely laughed and winked at him before following after Gaara and disappearing into the sea of bodies.

Sasuke watched him go with a dispassionate sigh, and not even ten seconds went by and he was already feeling the atmosphere changing.

“Holy shit, Sasuke, are you for real?!” Sasuke sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. There it was, he thought. This was what he knew was going to happen as soon as he was alone with his friends. Sakura’s voice was high-pitched and loud over the music, which was quite a feat considering she was sitting across from him at the large table. “You’re dating him and haven’t even told us about it? How could you?! And you’re still with Karin! Where the hell is your wedding ring?! Are you for real?”

“I didn’t tell you because of this same reaction, Sakura,” he snapped, coolly, gesturing towards her. “I don’t need you lecturing me about stuff I already know.”

“If you know it why are you even doing it?” Sakura snapped back, frowning heavily at him. “How long have you been together, anyway?”

“None of your business.”

“It is my business if my best friend is going to be in trouble!” she defended, slamming her hand on the table. “You know this isn’t going to end well. What the hell are you even thinking?”

“He isn’t,” Neji intervened placidly, watching the interaction with great interest.

“Sakura, don’t be harsh,” Ino said, trying to placate the green-eyed girl by placing a hand over hers carefully. “It’s a complicated situation, and you can’t control certain things. They obviously like each other.”

“I know that!” Sakura hissed, shaking her hand away with an annoyed gesture. “Which is why it’s painful to watch! I’ve never seen this idiot looking at another person like that, ever. This damned fool is head over heels and instead of doing something about it, he’s just waiting for the chaos to settle…”

“What’s your point?” Sasuke spat, his patience running thin rather quickly. “What exactly am I supposed to do?”

“Break up with Karin!” Sakura exclaimed, exasperated. “Don’t you understand that the fact that you even chose to do this with Naruto is already a sign of your feelings for him? Of what you want?” She clenched her hands over the table. She looked feral, sad, disappointed, and, worst of all, scared for him, and it was an expression he had never seen on her face before. “Karin and I were never on good terms, but she doesn’t deserve you doing this behind her back, and neither does Naruto deserve to be kept waiting. I’ve only just met him, but it doesn’t take a genius to understand that he’s in love with your stupid, sorry ass.”

“You don’t understand,” Sasuke said, glaring at her. “It’s not that simple.”

“You’re in love with him!” Sakura yelled, throwing her hands up in the air. “There’s nothing complicated about that! The more you think it over the more you will complicate things for yourself, and in the end, you will lose both of them. How the fuck can you not see it?! If you could see yourself, you would understand what I’m talking about.”

That was the problem – Sasuke didn’t want to see himself and realize just how pathetic his feelings for Naruto made him. He knew Naruto was a weakness to him, and this didn’t please him. Still, he knew he was pathetic because his longing for the other made him that way – because wanting Naruto, wanting this life with him, and not having it was what rendered him helpless.

But it wasn’t that simple. Why couldn’t they see that about him? Why couldn’t they understand that leaving his wife for another man would have an impact on his life he needed time to prepare for?

It wasn’t just about breaking up with Karin – it was telling the whole world that he was now pretty much gay and in a homosexual relationship. His parents would be devastated, especially since Itachi himself had chosen a path they didn’t approve of already, so they were setting the bar pretty high for Sasuke. He could already see his mother crying and his father telling him he was crazy and that he was just dying to find a way to kill himself with all sorts of diseases. And kids? Both his and Karin’s parents kept nagging them about having babies, how could Sasuke even begin to explain that kids were the last thing on his priority list nowadays? In fact, he wasn’t sure he ever wanted snotty brats, anyway.

Also… being with Naruto could mean that he might change everything he had planned for his future. His previous so-called dreams would take a whole other shape and he’d do all the things he knew he couldn’t right now because of Karin’s job. But Naruto had said that he’d follow him everywhere, and Sasuke believed him.

So, no it wasn’t just about breaking up with Karin, being with Naruto, and living happily ever after. It would be terrible, painful, and overly dramatic, he was sure, and he just… didn’t think he had the strength to do it yet, even though he wanted to.

Sasuke glanced at Neji, daring him to say something, but his friend simply looked back. There was nothing but gentle contemplation in his eyes, though, and it made Sasuke want to punch him.

‘Tsking’, Sasuke leaned back on his seat and looked away from his group. He could feel Sakura’s eyes on him but he didn’t care – he just kept looking around the room trying to get a glimpse of Naruto. He just wanted to get the hell out of there. Why had he even agreed to this in the first place? He should’ve known someone he knew was bound to bump into them. They should’ve just had dinner with the guys from school and then left to spend some time together, just the two of them.

Biting his lip, Sasuke closed his eyes, knowing he was being unreasonable. Life wasn’t just about the two of them, and neither could their world revolve solely around just the two of them. That was what pissed him off the most.

Suddenly, the Pop music playing was silenced and the flickering colorful lights were turned off so that the only light in the room was a dimmed one over the bar, and a bright yellow one lighting up the stage. Some protested, but mostly murmurs of curiosity could be heard from the crowd around them. A few people moved closer to the stage. He couldn’t see much from his sitting position, but over the crowd he could see Gaara up there, sitting behind the drum set, Kankuro next to him, making some last minute arrangements, it seemed. There was another guy on stage on the right side. He had rebellious brown hair and wore a leathered jacket, looking rather punkish but stylish either way. The sound of his red electric guitar being tested filled the place noisily for a few seconds.

It was when a bright golden mop of hair made an appearance that Sasuke’s eyes focused on what was really happening and he noticed that Naruto was on the stage as well, carrying a regular acoustic guitar to which he plugged a long, black wire. There was no denying that his outfit was very bland compared to the other two, but still, he drew eyes to him rather quickly. Only when he saw Naruto sitting on a high stool in front of the microphone did Sasuke truly conclude that Naruto was going to perform.

He could swear his heart stopped. Sitting straight in his seat so he could take a better look at the stage, he felt his eyebrows rise and his chin fall because Naruto had kept this a secret from him.

Nevertheless, he had always wanted to hear his friend truly sing, even if he had heard him play the guitar many times already. The eagerness he felt made him forget all about his previous irritation at Sakura.

People were beginning to speculate. All around him, Sasuke could hear girls commenting on the artists’ looks, pointing out how obviously Naruto stood out because he was the cutest one and did not match the other two, visual-like. It annoyed him, but in the end, he felt arrogant enough inside his head to not care because Naruto was his all the way.

Naruto adjusted himself on the stool, then adjusted the microphone to match the height he was at. He strummed a bit on his guitar to check the strings, and the crowd started to whistle to cheer them on, to which Naruto smiled, blue eyes traveling across the room briefly. Sasuke couldn’t help but think he looked really confident on that stage, as if he was meant to be in such a position.

Clearing his throat, Naruto grabbed the microphone. “Good evening guys!” He started, cheerfully. “How are y’all doing tonight? Having fun?” A few people growled exclamations of excitement and some clapped. Naruto’s smile became wider. “Well, I’m just going to guess that most of you are probably not drunk enough yet.”

Most of the room laughed at that, and Sasuke would’ve, as well, if he didn’t find the sight of his friend mesmerizing to the point where he wasn’t able to come up with any sort of coherent facial expression.

“Okay, so, I’m Naruto, and these are Gaara and Kiba, ‘The Hot Dogs’,” Naruto introduced, gesturing with a thumb to Gaara and then to the other brunette right beside him. “The name sucks, I know, but it’s still in beta version, so give them a break.” More laughs followed that. Vaguely, Sasuke heard Neji chuckling beside him. “Anyway, I’m not part of this awesome small band, I’m just here because I bummed a chance to play one song with them tonight.” The blond looked down and tested his strings softly a bit more, before proceeding. “This song I’m about to sing is a cover by Tegan and Sara I hope you all know. I want to dedicate it to someone special to me in so many ways. He kind of turned my world upside down from the moment I laid eyes on him. So, yeah, ladies, I’m taken. If you look for the hottest guy in the room, aside from myself, of course, that would be him.”

Sasuke tensed at this.

What?

Noises of disappointment filled the place, at the same time as everyone looked around. Some people, who already had seen them together looked straight at Sasuke, but he didn’t take notice of them. Some people from their group at school released a few exciting catcalls.

His name was uttered in a breathless whisper, and Sasuke only had half a mind to recognize Sakura’s voice.

Naruto’s smile softened. Blue eyes scanned the wide room and settled on Sasuke for a couple of seconds. Their gazes met intensely and meaningfully for that short amount of time that seemed to last forever before Naruto looked away at the crowd again. “Anyway, I guess there are many things I want to say to you but I can never really bring myself to tell them. I also really wanted to sing to you but was a bit embarrassed about it for some reason. So, Sasuke, this one is for you.”

TBC…

Chapter Text

It’s Not Fair

Chapter Fifteen: Love They Say – Part II

The song started with Naruto playing the first few accords on his guitar before he started to sing.

The first time I saw your face I knew I was meant for you

The first time you said my name I knew I was meant for you…

Naruto’s voice was unexpectedly low, and while it wasn’t very technical, it was very in tune and pleasant to the ear. The song had been arranged to fix his tone, but Sasuke recognized it immediately since he was sure he had listened to it somewhere, maybe in Naruto’s car or at his place. It didn’t matter, though. Naruto was singing it to him, and while he had never paid much attention to it, now he was feeding on every single word of the lyrics.

The drums were gently introduced.

Love, they say it heals all wounds

Love, removes the hurt in you

Love, I know that this is true

Love, they say that it is blind

Love, they say it all the time

Love, I know that they are right

The brunette’s voice – Kiba’s – came in, to complement Naruto’s as the electric guitar came into play. The blond closed his eyes.

(Love, they say this)

You don't need to wonder If love will make us stronger

There's nothing love can't do

(Love, they say this)

You don't need to worry

This love will make us worthy

There's nothing love can't do

Sasuke couldn’t tear his eyes away. He couldn’t think, couldn’t do anything but stare, unblinkingly, at the stage, as Naruto’s voice filled his ears. His heart was beating wildly against his ribcage and he didn’t even feel like breathing in case it might cause him to miss a single second. He could feel their friends’ eyes on him, the sensation heavy and filled with something akin to empathy for him, but he didn’t want to know, didn’t care.

Opening his eyes, Naruto didn’t hesitate in looking straight at Sasuke then, causing his whole body to shake with a sensation that felt like being touched all over.

The first time you held my hand I knew I was meant for you

The first time you kissed my lips I knew I was meant for you

Even though he was embarrassed and wished that the ground itself could swallow him, he would be lying if he said that he was angry. Having Naruto sing for him made his hands sweaty and his brain turn to mush. It set his every nerve on fire and made weird things happen to his stomach. It baffled him how much it made his very body ache for Naruto’s presence beside him right then.

Love, they say there's only one

Love, the kind that's not undone

Love, I know you are the one

Naruto smiled at him, that knowing, adorably naughty one that let Sasuke know he was aware of the effect he was having on him. Sasuke wanted to simultaneously punch a hole through the nearest wall or run to him and just… have him any way he could.

(Love, they say this)

You don't need to wonder If love will make us stronger

There's nothing love can't do

(Love, they say this)

You don't need to worry

This love will make us worthy

There's nothing love can't do

Love? The word rang through Sasuke’s mind a few times, and he was forced to blink in confusion. Was that what love was supposed to be like? Blinded faith? Strength and weakness? This urge to possess and to belong that was so vicious it hurt?

Bringing his hand to his chest for the second time that night, Sasuke closed his fist around the fabric of his t-shirt.

Love? Was that what this was all about? Was that ache he felt whenever Naruto did something like this love?

Did Naruto hurt as he did? And why did something that hurt so much make him want to smile? It wasn’t a smile of happiness, but it wasn’t one of sadness either.

He didn’t understand. He didn’t understand it at all. It was anguishing.

I… love him?

I know they'll say that we're crazy

(Tell me there is nothing love can't do)

I know you'll say that we're crazy

Love, they say it heals all wounds

Love, removes the hurt in you

Love, I know that this is true

Love, they say there's only one

Love, the kind that's not undone

Love, I know you are the one…

The rest of the song went on and Sasuke refused to look away from Naruto. He didn’t know what his eyes told the other male, but he knew what he saw in those deep blue, fascinating orbs.

And… the gods help him, but nothing else mattered to him anymore but that. Nothing could.

As soon as the last few words were uttered and the song ended, Sasuke stood up, pointedly ignoring Neji’s inquisitive utterance of his name. He kept looking at the stage as he made his way through the crowd, occasionally being the target of a few pats in the back or a few teasing comments.

Naruto was thanking the crowd for all the claps and cheers, but Sasuke could see that he was eager to leave the stage, his own eyes looking for Sasuke as he placed his guitar in a corner at the far end of the stage and descended the steps towards the dance floor. Kiba took over the microphone, and the audience focused on him now, but Sasuke couldn’t give a bigger shit. He just wanted to reach Naruto and was more than glad to know the other was coming for him, too.

Eventually, they managed to come face to face with each other. Naruto looked hopeful but made no move to touch Sasuke, while Sasuke was out of breath for some reason. The closer he was to his friend, he realized, the harder the simple task of breathing had become.

Still, his feelings consumed him, and being physically close to Naruto after what had just happened was something he didn’t know how to deal with.

Without thinking about it, he grabbed Naruto’s wrist and started walking.

ooo

Naruto offered no resistance as Sasuke shoved him none-too-gently inside a stall in the men’s bathroom and followed him, slamming the door closed and locking it behind him. His heart was hammering inside his chest, excitement, and frustration threatening to overflow to the point where he was sure he’d be driven crazy. Naruto would drive him crazy.

He wasn’t even sure what he wanted or what he wanted to do. In the back of his mind, something was screaming, asking him what the fuck did he expect from this and what the hell did he think he was doing, dragging Naruto – this perfect man that loved him and that would be the death of him, he was sure – to a fucking public bathroom stall. The voices could go screw themselves for all he cared, because he didn’t want to think – he was tired of it, tired of hesitating and being considerate. There were so many things wrong with his determination, though, and he knew it, but none of that mattered because he was quickly being pressed against the door and full lips were being slammed against his in an open-mouthed kiss.

It was a rather noisy and sloppy kiss, too – the kind that talks, demands, and promises – and it rendered him breathless.

It wasn’t the right place, and truly not the right time. But Naruto wasn’t complaining, so maybe not thinking wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

His arms surrounded Naruto by the neck, their mouths moving hungrily over each other and their bodies pressed together. Naruto’s heartbeat was raging, his hands roaming over his sides possessively. Their labored breaths echoed throughout the bathroom, giving away their activities, but Sasuke didn’t care.

There was an insistent tug on his t-shirt. The kiss was broken so that Sasuke could lift his arms so Naruto could pull it over his head and remove it. Sasuke didn’t give him a chance to ogle, though, because he, too, was quickly trying to pull the blond’s t-shirt up but finding the task rather awkward in his haste.

Naruto gave a breathless laugh and also lifted his arms to help him. Then, he only managed to safely put both pieces of clothing over the toilet’s flush before Sasuke was grabbing his face with both hands and pulling him in roughly for another kiss.

Their chests collided, the feel of skin on skin making Sasuke moan against the other’s lips. God, was Naruto hot in every sense of the word, and he just wanted to devour him and be devoured by him.

No, that was wrong. If they could, he wanted them to completely consume each other until there was nothing left.

Strong hands slid up and down his back, the possessive feel to them making delicious shivers of pleasure assault Sasuke from head to toe, and when those eager hands slid lower still to cup both his ass-cheeks, he all but decided to shut down all trains of thought and just let go.

This – whatever this was – was what he’d been wanting for what seemed like ages. Wanting more proximity, Sasuke placed his right foot on the edge of the toilet, consequently providing more space for Naruto to settle in between his legs. The amount of sensation this new position provided made Sasuke moan indecorously before sucking lewdly on Naruto’s tongue as their clothed erections were shamelessly and perfectly pressed together.

Naruto’s mouth moved from his to latch onto his neck, licking up the elegant column while his hand caressed Sasuke’s raised thigh. “Fuck, Sasuke…” he panted in his ear, between licks, hips moving so he was unabashedly thrusting against Sasuke.

Sasuke sank his teeth into his lower lip to stifle all sorts of sounds that were threatening to leave his mouth and all but tilted his head back so it was resting against the door, invitingly offering more skin for him to work on as his fingers dug into Naruto’s strong shoulders. He couldn’t help but move his hips as well in a rather desperate and clumsy rhythm that didn’t match his lover’s at all, but that was too good to be denied.

Naruto’s body, his scent, his voice, the mere taste of him… everything was too good, too much, and not nearly enough.

He could barely breathe, could barely think with the adrenaline and desire running fast in his veins. He was sure he would cum soon, and rather unexpectedly, too.

Why didn’t they have more time? Why weren’t they somewhere else? Someone could come to the bathroom and hear them – and it’d be very obvious by the sound they were making exactly what was happening in that damned stall.

Burying his fingers in the hairs on Naruto’s nape, Sasuke bit down hard on his ear. They were both so hard it was bordering on pain. Everything hurt fantastically. Naruto was a trembling mass in his arms, moving against him with precision, lost in his need but clearly at loss as to what else to do. His actions, the way he touched him screamed of sheer necessity to do more, to kiss more, to touch more, but it was also hesitant.

Sasuke could almost listen to his thoughts. Were they just going to come in their underwear in such a place? And if they didn’t, how would they deal with the intensity of what they were sharing? Of how they felt?

Desperation chewed at Sasuke’s chest, raw need making his stomach churn. He forced his head to clear for a few seconds, even if the friction against his lower parts made him close his eyes and want to wallow in blissful oblivion.

They could just leave and take this somewhere else, to Naruto’s car, or better yet, to his place. It all sounded very inviting, if not for one small detail – the moment would definitely be lost, and even if it was very straightforward and impulsive now, it would be awkward later, once they had cooled down.

Besides, Sasuke wanted to cum now – needed it like he needed air in his lungs, and wanted it as badly as he wanted Naruto to cum, too. They had to do it together, there was no other option in his book.

Naruto kissed him again, wetly, and grabbed Sasuke’s leg by the back of his knee to put it around his waist so they’d be more in contact. He could feel a thin path of saliva dripping down his chin.

The sudden urge of feelings that filled Sasuke then made him gasp against the other’s mouth and he was sure that, at some point, something in him would explode because he didn’t know how to deal with something like this. He had long since known that he wanted Naruto with every fiber of his being, but he hadn’t known that this would happen – this urgency and frustration and fucking unbearable heat that brought him close to tears. He wanted it so badly. He was ready to tear the world apart, and the feeling was intimidating.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this, he thought, still biting down on Naruto’s lower lip when he was pressed fully against the cold door again, hissing at the feel of it against his naked skin. He was supposed to have it all under control because that’s how it had always been when it came to sex. It was supposed to be simple.

But this… how was he supposed to deal with it when all he knew was that he selfishly wanted to drown in everything that was Naruto and have him give his all, his…

Oh…

He could feel pleasure building up at the end of his spine, tingling with an upcoming orgasm, but suddenly, he couldn’t have that.

“God, no…” he said, panic making him tug at Naruto’s hair so they broke the kiss and luminous blue eyes were looking at him in a questioning dazed lust. Luckily, he stopped moving.

What he saw in those eyes made Sasuke swallow hard. There was no doubt about it, he reasoned with himself, the thought itself a bit unsettling, but also strangely soothing. There was no turning back from this, and it was now or never.

“Sasuke?” Naruto inquired, his voice hoarse from lust, looking a little out of it in his confusion.

They looked at each other, still rather breathless for a few moments. The gods had to be cheering them on, they just had to, Sasuke thought urgently. The look in Naruto’s eyes said it all, but he didn’t think he could just blurt out what he wanted.

Naruto blinked a few times at him, cheeks flushed in the far too white light of the bathroom. They seemed to understand each other without speaking, though, because Naruto bit his bottom lip with a slight uneasiness, his eyes softening without losing their intensity.

At that precise moment, the sound of someone pushing the bathroom door open could be heard, and what sounded like two guys got in, talking loudly to each other. The two lovers tensed, staying very still but never taking their eyes off each other. A dark part of Sasuke felt even hornier for some reason. Leaning in with a sudden boost of courage, he brought his mouth to Naruto’s ear, making sure he was whispering in a way that only he would be able to listen to despite the boisterous laughter of the other two guys. “I’m not going to wait another minute,” he said, making sure his voice was steady and confident. “You either want to do it or you don’t, Naruto. But I want you, and I want you now. So if you do, too, don’t walk out on me.”

“Fuck, and I think the chick might’ve pissed herself!” One of the guys was saying, making the other laugh. They were both relieving themselves. “She is so fucking drunk, man…”

He leaned back, watching the other’s reaction. Naruto held his breath and brought a hand up to cup Sasuke’s cheek, eyes looking from his face down to his body, so many emotions reflected in them that it made Sasuke’s heartbeat ever the more painful.

“You’re so beautiful,” Naruto’s mouth moved but no sound came from it, yet, Sasuke could understand the words perfectly. “I want you so much, I…”

But Sasuke was already slamming their mouths together again, silencing him completely. As far as he was concerned, that was his green light right there, and if he had any doubts, the way arms surrounded his waist and lips responded to his gave him all the reassurance he needed.

They kissed while hugging for a few seconds, ignoring the other two guys as they washed their hands and left, their voices fading out, before moving slightly away from each other and exchanging another meaningful look.

“I’ve never done this before,” Naruto admitted, hands running up Sasuke’s chest and then quickly traveling down, not hesitating for a second as they reached the other’s belt and worked on it.

Sasuke looked down as the button in his pants was undone and the fly was opened, the sudden proximity of his friend’s fingers to such a sensitive area making him suck on his teeth.

“Never done what?” He managed to ask while putting his foot back on the ground and arching his back off the door so he could make it easier for Naruto to work on his pants.

“This kind of thing,” Naruto panted, hooking the fingers of both hands on the waistband of both his pants and boxers. “And in such a place, too.” He managed to pull the pants down just enough so that they were down to his knees, freeing Sasuke’s erection, which bobbed a little, a fine thread of transparent pre-cum dribbling down the tiny slit. Blond eyebrows shot upwards at seeing it. “Wow…” was all he said, before unceremoniously crouching down and taking the length in his mouth. Surprise made Sasuke gasp and jerk backward again against the door as hot lips and heavenly wetness surrounded him. His legs threatened to give out, so he held onto the mop of hair on the top of Naruto’s head for balance.

“Fuck, Naruto!” he hissed, his voice coming out hoarse both in pleasure and annoyance, the assault of sensation bringing forth the strong feeling of upcoming ecstasy. “I’ll cum if…”

But his words were stuck in his mouth while Naruto merely made a sound with the back of his throat. He was inexperienced at sucking another guy’s cock, since he couldn’t take a lot of Sasuke’s in his mouth, his tongue wanting to taste as it swirled awkwardly around the head and ran over the sensitive foreskin. Still, to Sasuke, it felt like the most wonderful thing in the world and he reveled in it. It was a fantasy he had had for a while now, and even though he had imagined that it would be in a different place and that Naruto would be more skilled, it didn’t matter, and he wanted nothing more than to lose himself inside that mouth.

But he couldn’t, that was not how he wanted his first orgasm with Naruto to be like, so he tugged at the blond hair in his hands a bit roughly. His cock slipped gracelessly from Naruto’s mouth as he pulled him to stand again, only to find the other ginning rather mischievously.

“Sorry, I just really wanted to try that,” he said, apologetically, licking at his lips as if to feel the taste there. “I know it wasn’t very good, though…”

“It was fine, and I don’t care at this point, Naruto,” Sasuke retorted impatiently, rolling his eyes and bringing his hands to Naruto’s pants to undo the belt. “I just want…”

Lips silenced him rather effectively this time, and while that was to be expected, the hand grabbing for his cock sure wasn’t and he all but gasped. His hands stilled and started shaking as Naruto experimentally pumped him a few times, and he struggled to remember what he was doing with them in the first place.

Fuck, how could someone’s touch feel so unbelievably amazing?

He cursed and breathlessly threw some incoherent insult against Naruto’s mouth, but eagerly parted his lips to receive that lewd, far too perfect tongue inside his, the assault of sensations making him feel dizzy.

Somehow, with the help of Naruto’s free hand, they managed to undo the blond’s pants. Sasuke didn’t hesitate in shoving his right hand inside the other’s underwear and grabbing for his cock, pulling it out from its confines. From the feel of it, Naruto sure was well-endowed, no question about it, and the knowledge was strangely exciting. Feeling the rock-hard member in his palm gave him a sense of thrill and power he couldn’t describe, and he knew he wanted to make Naruto feel as good as he was feeling.

There was no denying that he wouldn’t last, and if the heavy way Naruto’s cock was leaking was any indication, the blond wouldn’t either.

He wasn’t as cautious as the other, though, so he didn’t hesitate in using his thumb to smear pre-cum over the sensitive head, making Naruto inhale rather sharply and release a low, pleased groan. Naruto seemed to want to press himself more to him, or maybe he just wanted more friction, so Sasuke began to move his hand on his cock, the position unfamiliar and a little weird, but nothing that intimidated him enough to stop, least of all when this made Naruto’s hand move faster on him, and this is where he knew he was going to lose it.

Nothing but sheer pleasure mattered anymore. All he cared about was Naruto and making sure they got to the end of it together.

The heat was boiling in the bottom of his spine, threatening to burst. His muscles clenched in anticipation and with every passing second, it became harder and harder to breathe. Their kiss was becoming increasingly sloppy and someone was making the most indecorous noises because they echoed shamelessly throughout the bathroom, and Sasuke didn’t know if those fucking sexy moans were his or Naruto’s, and he didn’t care. One of Naruto’s hands was firmly wrapped around the back of his neck, while Sasuke used his free one to invade Naruto’s pants and directly grab one round ass cheek in his desperate grasp.

For some reason, this seemed to have triggered something inside his friend, because Naruto all but broke the kiss with a long hiss, pressing his forehead to Sasuke’s and he was cumming all over their hands and his navel, but his grip on the Uchiha’s cock tightened and his rhythm never faltered.

Feeling the unexpected pulsing sensation against his palm and the warm slickness on his cock provided by Naruto’s cum, Sasuke felt himself completely undone as his climax hit him hard.

He closed his eyes and allowed the powerful wave of pleasure to consume him, not bothering to hold his voice back. He might’ve said Naruto’s name, he might’ve cursed, he might’ve said yes, or no, or all of them together, but it didn’t matter anyway.

Sasuke took his time taking elaborate breaths to try and steady himself. After what had just happened between him and Naruto, he felt as if his body didn't belong to him but to someone else entirely, and yet, the adrenaline was all-consuming, as was the realization that, indeed, they had just crossed a very important boundary. He couldn't say he regretted it, not at all, but it wasn't as if he wanted to delve too much into the repercussions of it right now. Not when he was feeling so overwhelmingly complete and satisfied. He leaned his head back against the door and blinked lazily at the ceiling. It seemed impossible that such a simple thing had brought such bliss.

He was slightly aware of Naruto's mouth on his jaw, showering it with small, slow nips. They were both still holding each other's now deflating cocks in their hands, and the blond was still gently caressing Sasuke's.

God, they had needed it.

After what felt like hours, Sasuke lowered his chin and searched for his lover's lips – because now he truly could call him that – so they could kiss, languidly and in a way that seemed almost innocent compared to the ones they had shared before.

It was fascinating how much he was willing to give to Naruto. He could give everything he had, he thought, and be left naked and bare and he wouldn’t care.

Releasing Naruto’s cock, he didn’t stop himself from running his dirty hands all over the other male’s chest. With a small moan, Naruto released him, too, and soon they were embracing each other tightly while they kissed, simply enjoying what was completely theirs, for the time being, something they had both wanted for so long.

It felt surreal that they had finally done something and that, strangely enough, he felt at peace about it.

Nothing else mattered. He could stay in that fucking filthy bathroom stall for the rest of his life if it was all it took to never lose Naruto. That was what it meant to be in love.

“I can’t take it,” the blond whispered, lips against Sasuke’s mouth. “Sometimes, I feel like I can’t handle the way I feel about you. I just…”

Sasuke all but kissed him again – they didn’t need to talk right now, it was unnecessary. Later they would work things out. Later. Now it was just about how they felt at this precise moment. Everything else could just fade away and leave them alone.

Tick-tock , a voice inside his head that sounded suspiciously like Sakura said. Later is sometimes too late, Sasuke.

It’s never too late between us, Sasuke thought. And never too soon.

The rest could just fuck off.

TBC…

Chapter Text

It’s Not Fair

Chapter Sixteen: Love They Say – Part III

"We need to get cleaned up," Naruto muttered, not sounding very happy about it despite everything.

"Hn," Sasuke replied, absently, placing a small kiss on the other's nose. "Everyone's got to be wondering where the hell we are."

Naruto gave him a lopsided grin. "After you dragged me here, I'm sure they know what we've been doing here already."

Sasuke groaned. Shit, he had been pretty obvious, hadn't he? But he'd been too wound up to stop himself, and even if it amazed him that his control had slipped so easily, he wasn't exactly embarrassed. Although, he was sure his friends would have a lot to say about it as soon as they caught him unguarded.

"Urgh, damn it," he said, letting his forehead fall to Naruto's shoulder. "Just... give me some toilet paper, please."

Naruto moved slightly away from him and they finally let go of each other, and that's when Sasuke took notice of how sticky and slimy he was with Naruto's fluids all over him. Well, Naruto was looking pretty messy himself, and Sasuke wasn’t sure if he should feel horrified or proud of himself. Well, it would’ve certainly made him feel aroused if he hadn’t just cum.

Somehow, he just felt… relieved and satisfied. It hadn’t exactly been the most romantic thing ever, and definitely not like how he had imagined something between him and Naruto would go, but at the same time… was there ever a moment when things went the way he had envisioned?

It didn’t matter because, in the end, the result was always the same – that strange, misplaced perfection that nothing else seemed to be able to match.

Naruto silently passed him a bit of toilet paper and they wasted a few seconds cleaning up their bodies and hands. Despite himself, Sasuke tried not to look at Naruto’s body too much now that he was coherent enough to truly pay him proper attention, but it was rather hard considering that he liked what was presented to him.

Naruto was well built, though not exactly the muscular type, and everything was well-defined and proportional. It wasn’t so much how Naruto looked to him, though, as was the memory of how that body had felt against his, under his hands, and how those tanned, strong hands had felt all over him. Just thinking about it made him feel weak in the knees, so he pushed those improper thoughts aside because, seriously, being horny all the time wasn’t good.

“So…. Huh… did you like the song?” Naruto asked at some point, his voice hesitant, passing Sasuke his t-shirt, who took it with a disbelieving frown.

“I thought that what just happened was a good enough answer,” Sasuke said, rolling his eyes and putting his t-shirt on.

“I guess,” Naruto muttered, with a small chuckle, grabbing his t-shirt. “I thought that you’d be angry at me. I thought you were going to punch me. Not that I can say I complain about the outcome” he added, with a genuine grin before he, too, put his t-shirt on.

“Well, it was pretty embarrassing, I’ll give you that,” Sasuke said, with a small smile, buttoning up his pants. “But no one has ever done anything like that for me, so… it was cool. Thank you”

Naruto blushed a bit. “I’m glad you liked it,” he mumbled.

In silence, they made sure to fix their clothes and hair properly, chancing glances at each other once in a while. Sasuke didn’t feel like going outside and facing the whistles and jokes that surely would be thrown their way, but he knew they couldn’t stay in that stall forever.

Making sure no one was in the bathroom, the two of them got out of the stall and made their way to the sinks to properly wash their hands.

“What time do you have to be home?” Naruto asked casually, while he rubbed his hands together with the liquid soap.

“I don’t have a curfew, Naruto, I told Karin not to wait up for me,” Sasuke said, with a small smirk, shaking the excess water from his hands. “Why?”

“I don’t know, I just thought we could leave sooner and spend some time together,” the blond explained, with a shrug as he rinsed his hands. “We could go somewhere or just… hang out at my place.”

He looked hopeful, and Sasuke couldn’t help but feel a little excited at the prospect, especially after what had just happened. Spending time alone with Naruto in private sounded like the best thing in the world right now, because he didn’t think he would even be able to function properly for the rest of the night around other people without thinking of Naruto and what they had done.

“Sounds good,” he said simply.

Naruto’s genuine smile made him want to tackle him.

000

As soon as the two left the bathroom to immerse themselves in the increasingly crowded establishment, a hand landed on his shoulder and Sasuke started, twisting his body a bit only to find that the person touching him was Neji.

“Hey,” his friend said smoothly, his face pleasant but unsmiling. “Do you have a minute?”

Dread instantly coiled in the pit of Sasuke’s stomach, but at the same time, if Neji wanted to give him a piece of his mind, then it was better to hear it now rather than later. And surely, Neji had a lot to say, including about the fact that he and Naruto had disappeared to do something very obvious.

He looked around to see if Sakura was nearby, but she wasn’t anywhere in sight, which made him feel relieved enough.

“Yeah, sure,” he said, nodding at his best friend before turning to Naruto, whose blue eyes traveled between him and Neji in apprehension. “I’ll be right back, and then we can leave, okay?”

“Take your time,” Naruto said hesitantly, touching Sasuke’s forearm reassuringly. “I’ll be right here with the rest of the guys when you’re ready.”

Sasuke gave him a thankful smile and leaned in for a quick peck. Then, he turned to his friend and motioned with his head towards the exit of the bar, and together, they made their way outside.

000

The temperature outside was pretty warm, but there was a gentle breeze blowing that felt like heaven on Sasuke’s overheated cheeks and body and he took his time enjoying it and allowing it to soothe him.

He had leant his back on the wall of a building outside the bar they had been in, Neji in front of him. In silence, they both each lit a cigarette for themselves and wasted a bit of time just taking a few puffs.

Sasuke could feel Neji's contemplative eyes on him, assessing him intensely. He sighed.

“If you have something to say, then say it,” Sasuke muttered tiredly, flicking the ashes of his cigarette to the ground and sticking one hand inside the pocket of his jeans.

Neji merely shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t have a lot to say to you that hasn’t been said already,” he said calmly, his words surprising Sasuke. “Sakura, I believe, has spoken enough for the both of us.”

“So… what is it that you want to talk to me about?” Sasuke asked, carefully, not sure where the conversation was headed.

Neji took a drag from his cigarette, his clear eyes still as intelligent and serious as ever as they stared into Sasuke’s. He blew the smoke out before he, too, heaved a small sigh.

“I understand it now,” he said solemnly. “Why you couldn’t walk away from him when you had the chance before things got this serious. And I guess I wanted to apologize to you for trying to talk you out of it.”

Sasuke’s cigarette fell from his fingers and to the ground but he didn’t even notice, staring at his friend in shock.

“I mean, seeing you with him…” Neji proceeded. “I thought you had everything you could want in your life, but when the two of you are together it’s like you’re a completely new person. A better person. The person you’re supposed to be.”

“Neji…”

“No, just let me speak,” Neji interrupted, raising a hand to silence him, and Sasuke closed his mouth. “It was obvious to me that you need someone like him in your life. Karin is a wonderful girl, but you can’t choose who you love. And I know that he loves you, just as you love him. You didn’t need to take him to the fucking men’s bathroom for me to realize just how badly you two want each other. It might be early to talk about this, but this is the impression I had and I wanted to share that with you. ”

He cleared his throat, considering Sasuke was currently at a loss for words. “Which is why I do believe that, for your sake, for Karin’s sake, and Naruto’s sake, you should just solve things as soon as possible,” Neji said, looking down at Sasuke’s wasted cigarette on the ground. “It’s going to be tough, but you have us, your friends, and Naruto, too. It’ll be okay, Sasuke. Really. You can’t be afraid.”

Sasuke bit on his lower lip, unsure if he was feeling grateful or just cornered all of a sudden. He had just realized that his feelings for Naruto were deeper than he had realized, and now Neji had to come and confirm it just from looking at them alone.

It felt a bit surreal all of a sudden, that his feelings were exposed in such a vulnerable way, another proof of how much Naruto had successfully changed him.

It felt frightening and, at the same time… wonderful. The fact that people around them could see it felt like a small victory that allowed Sasuke to know he wasn’t crazy or misinterpreting everything. It reassured him.

Still…

Neji would never be able to understand the way he felt about the whole issue. It had been a long, yet far too short process for him, going from empathy to friendship to attraction to falling in love to finally realizing that it was deeper than that. It had been a complete emotional rollercoaster that was only now truly beginning to physically manifest itself and have an impact on his personal life. Sometimes it all felt like too much.

“I know all of that,” he said to his friend, tensing up against the wall and shoving his other hand inside his pocket, looking to the side in uneasiness. “I’ve never been a coward in my life, and I wasn’t a coward when I decided to jump into this with Naruto. Because I wanted it. I genuinely did. And I do want it now. I want it so bad it eats at me.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, a turmoil of emotions swirling inside his chest at his own words. “But the more this takes shape the worse I feel,” Sasuke explained, looking back up at Neji with desperation in his eyes. “That, you don’t understand. You can’t. Because, yeah, I love him. I want him so much I sometimes feel like it would be okay to just run away from everything and everybody and I wouldn’t regret it or look back. I’m constantly thinking about him, wondering about the past, about the future, about the right now. And this makes me feel like shit, Neji. I don’t like thinking about how I wish I had met him before Karin or how I wished I could go home to him every day instead of her.”

“It’s normal to feel that way,” Neji assured him, gently. “That’s how it’s supposed to feel when you love someone, Sasuke. It’s not wrong.”

“But I love her, too!” Sasuke snapped, through clenched teeth. “It’s just different now, but I still care about her! I don’t want to hurt her. How am I going to tell her that I’ve fallen in love with someone else? That I want a divorce? That I’ve been cheating on her with another guy?” His voice lowered to a whisper. “How am I supposed to explain that, huh? And how am I going to tell my parents that I want to be with another man when I’ve been straight my whole life? That I will shatter their hopes of being grandparents because I never wanted fucking kids anyway?”

Neji all but frowned at him a bit, letting his cigarette fall to the ground and stomping on it. “You knew it would be like this when you chose to be with Naruto,” he pointed out, harshly this time, making Sasuke huff in frustration. “You have to deal with it. It’s either that or you’ll lose him. And even if you have Karin, you’ll be miserable for the rest of your life, and then she’ll be miserable, too, and that means you’ll still be doing her harm.”

Neji eyed him in evaluation for a few seconds. Then, he stepped closer to Sasuke and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“What you had with Karin… I thought it was perfect for you,” he said, apologetically, shaking his head from side to side. “But Naruto… I don’t know what it is about you two. Some people would call it ‘meant to be’. I can’t possibly make such a statement myself but… Sasuke, if this makes you happy and gives you what you need… then you shouldn’t look back, or even concern yourself with ‘what ifs’. You should just… move forward with him. We’ll all have your back, and even if it’s hard at the beginning… if this is what you want, then it’ll be fine, eventually. Maybe it’ll even be easier than you think.”

Despite himself and the tightness in his chest, Sasuke looked back at Neji appreciatively.

“Yeah… You’re completely right,” he muttered, placing his hand over Neji’s. It was unusual for them to share this much physical contact, and in another situation, Sasuke would’ve gladly dismissed it, but somehow, it felt fitting, and he sure needed the comfort. “I’m just exhausted, Neji. I’ve been so happy lately… Everything is happening and it’s so good and I don’t know how to control it. I don’t know how to control myself, let alone what’s happening around me. I just…”

“Listen,” Neji cut, giving his shoulder a strong squeeze, his expression one of strength. “No one’s telling you that you need to do this today, or even tomorrow. Do it when you’re feeling resolute enough and when you feel sane enough to do things with both your feet on the ground. You’re one of the smartest, most down-to-earth people I know. You’ll be fine. Sakura, Ino, me… we’re here no matter what, alright?” Neji smiled at him. “A love like that… it’s worth fighting for, right?”

Sasuke couldn’t help but smile at that, filled with pride and gratitude. If someone had told him that he would ever have this kind of emotional support from his friends just a few hours ago he wouldn’t have believed it, based on that conversation he had had with Neji and Sakura about Naruto a while back. But apparently, his friends were there for him no matter what, and they’d stick by him. He wasn’t alone in this.

“Come here,” he said, pulling a surprised Neji by the waist for a hug. “Thank you, Neji, for being my friend. And I’m sorry for not trusting you with this before.”

Neji didn’t react at first, tensing when Sasuke’s chin connected with his shoulder, but eventually, he put his arms around Sasuke’s arms and patted his back awkwardly.

“Should I be a little freaked out?” he asked hesitantly. “This never happened between us.”

Sasuke held him tighter, smiling but making his voice sound annoyed. “Shut up and just hug me back.”

Neji did, and they held each other before pulling away at the same time, both putting a respectable distance between them once more.

 “Okay, let’s not do this again, it was embarrassing as hell,” Neji said, fixing his clothes unnecessarily.

“Yeah…” Sasuke agreed, scratching the back of his head. “But seriously Neji. Thank you.”

Neji rolled his eyes, but a small smile graced his thin lips.

“We should go back inside,” he said, after a few seconds of silent mutual empathy.  “Your boyfriend is going to start thinking I kidnapped you if we don’t show up soon.”

Sasuke almost laughed.

He was ready to call it a night.

000

They said goodbye to their co-workers, Sakura, Ino, and Kankurou. Sakura, of course, made sure to hiss a threatening ‘we’re not done talking’ in Sasuke’s ear but had fondly kissed his cheek goodbye and had even hugged Naruto again, as well.

Naruto had wanted to introduce him to Kiba, who he claimed to be his best friend, but after the show, he and Gaara were nowhere to be found, so the blond texted the both of them telling him they were leaving.

The drive home was quiet with them holding hands and listening to some eighty’s music that was playing on the radio, and for the first time, Sasuke listened to Naruto sing along to the songs, and it made him feel content.

Naruto’s place felt like heaven after such an emotionally turbulent night. Walking inside those safe, cozy walls felt like a dream, or maybe Sasuke just felt exhausted after everything that had happened.

Naruto had asked if he wanted to go somewhere, but Sasuke found that spending a bit of time with him and probably getting some sleep would be good considering that after his conversation with his best friend he had come down with a terrible headache.

He hadn’t exactly planned on crashing there, but he didn’t feel like going home yet and sleeping with Naruto sounded like an amazing idea.

While removing his shoes and taking off his jacket, Sasuke felt a strange sense of peace he couldn’t quite place. Maybe it was Neji’s reassuring words, maybe it was the fact that his friends understood what bound him to his co-worker, or maybe it was because he, himself, was now able to look at Naruto and finally understand how strong his feelings truly were.

He felt helpless facing them, too. As he watched, from the doorstep, Naruto moving about to find him sleeping clothes and make sure he had enough pillows and an extra toothbrush, he understood that there was no reversing what was happening and that everything was painfully, blissfully real.

He wanted to ask Naruto if it was true – if Naruto did love him – but found himself biting the inside of his cheek. He knew it was true, and yet, he couldn’t ask him to say it to him out loud because it would be selfish of him.

No matter how he felt about Naruto, he knew he wouldn’t be able to say such a thing at this point – it wouldn’t be wise or even remotely fair to either of them.

‘Love’ was nothing but a word. What you would do for said ‘love’ was what would be valued in the end, and Naruto did value actions more than words.

“I’m gonna go to the old pervert’s place to see if I can get you some aspirin or something,” Naruto said, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the center of the small place, oblivious to Sasuke’s thoughts. “There’s an extra toothbrush in the bathroom, and I changed the towels and sheets yesterday. Go eat something if you want.”

“Okay,” Sasuke said softly, offering him a tired smile. He reached out to tug slightly at the hem of Naruto’s t-shirt. “Just don’t take long, okay?”

Naruto nodded and pressed a light kiss to his cheek. “Go make yourself comfortable.”

Once Naruto left, Sasuke was by himself, looking around at that sacred place that was his lover’s home and taking a deep, steadying breath.

Then, he found the will to move over to the bed, where Naruto had placed a pair of baby blue pajama pants and a simple white t-shirt. Slowly, he undressed and put his clothes neatly on the yellow bean bag lying in a corner next to the bed – a new acquisition, Sasuke knew – before putting on the sleeping clothes. They smelled clean and fresh, but there was also the distinctive scent of something unique underneath that was Naruto’s scent, already prominent from usage.

His first thought upon realizing it was that he definitely should not sniff the t-shirt he was wearing because that would make him look like some sick pervert.

It’s not like that’s a lie, Sasuke thought, sighing internally in defeat. He was completely perverted for everything Naruto, it seemed, and yet, he knew that there was more to it than just some sort of lustful hunger, and this was enough to not allow him to feel guilty.

Giving in to his urge, he covered his nose with the collar of the t-shirt and inhaled deeply, feeling his heart skip a pleasant beat at the familiar scent, and headed for the bathroom, where he proceeded to relieve himself before looking for the extra toothbrush in the cabinet over the sink – a blue one still in its package.

After that, he washed his hands, brushed his teeth, and washed his face. Feeling a bit perkier, he went back to the main room to find Naruto already there in the kitchen area, wearing nothing but a pair of green boxers and a gray tank top. He seemed to be filling a glass of water and looked over his shoulder at Sasuke before turning to him with a small smile, a pill resting in his palm and holding the glass with the other.

“There you go,” he said, extending both the glass and the pill to Sasuke.

“Thanks,” Sasuke muttered, grabbing both. He put the pill on his tongue and took a few gulps of water to help it go down, Naruto watching him with a small frown of worry.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, as Sasuke moved past him towards the sink to wash the glass. “You look kinda pale.”

“I’m fine,” Sasuke assured him, putting the glass on the dish dryer and turning to his friend. “It was a long day, that’s all. But I feel good, so don’t worry about it.”

“If you say so…” Naruto conceded, not seeming very convinced. “I already got the bed ready, so you just go make yourself comfortable while I go wash up.”

“Sure.”

Sasuke watched him head towards the bathroom, feeling a strange lightheadedness all of a sudden that he couldn’t relate to anything in particular.

Almost as if in fascination, Sasuke turned his eyes to the bed. The covers had already been pushed aside, revealing light gray sheets, four matching fluffy-looking pillows adorning it invitingly. That bed looked like a fucking paradise right now.

Sasuke reminded himself that he had to text Karin to let her know he wouldn’t be going home in case she woke up during the night. Resigned, he moved over to the bean back to fish his mobile phone from the pocket of his pants and thought about what kind of plausible excuse he could come up with. In the end, he decided to write that Naruto was too drunk to drive him home, so they’d be crashing at a co-worker’s place that wasn’t too far from the bar. He was lucky it was already far too late in the morning because he had no other means of transportation to go home other than a taxi, which was something he never used. After all, it was too expensive.

Placing the phone on the bedside table, he immediately climbed into bed, lying down on his side on the fluffy pillows and pulling the covers up to his nose because, damn, it was comfy. He knew he’d start feeling hot soon, but for now, he was enjoying the cozy feeling.

Naruto’s bed, Naruto’s sheets, Naruto’s smell everywhere. It was enough to soothe him and his headache.

Naruto showed up a few minutes later, stretching his arms over his head, his hair slightly wet and disheveled – Sasuke supposed he had washed the excess hair gel from it.

“Hey, move your fat ass over,” he said jokingly, noticing how Sasuke had buried himself right in the middle of the bed.

“I didn’t hear you complaining about my ass when you were feeling it in that bathroom stall, you idiot,” Sasuke teased, not moving from his position and giving Naruto a smirk when the blond climbed in bed beside him, in the little space he had left.

“Oh, ha-ha,” Naruto said, faking a dry laugh while attempting to cover his legs. “Maybe I like my asses fat and meaty? Doesn’t make your ass any less fat. And move over, Sasuke, it’s my bed, I have the right to sleep in it!”

“Make me,” Sasuke dared, feeling amused. He rolled over so his back was to the other before dragging himself closer. He made sure his ass was pressed to Naruto’s side, putting pressure on it so he was pushing him until he was practically inches away from falling off the bed.

“Hey!” Naruto complained loudly, reaching out behind him to hold onto the bedpost to stop himself from falling.

Sasuke chuckled victoriously, covering his head with the covers. Naruto froze. “Oh, I see what you’re doing,” he said, sounding mischievous. “Seems like your headache is gone, then?”

Sasuke’s ass pushed him again and Naruto convulsed in fake aggravation. “Alright, that’s it! You’re gonna get it, now! I’ll show you who rules this fucking bed, Uchiha!”

The next thing Sasuke knew, Naruto was promptly shoving the covers aside and off him and Sasuke didn’t even have time to react before he was being tackled, the other male’s heavy body landing on his and making him gasp but release a strangled laugh that became loud once sneaky fingers started to relentlessly tickle his sides.

“Nooo, that's not fair!” Sasuke refuted, laughing while desperately trying to use his arms to stop the assault, but Naruto had already straddled his waist and was merciless.

So, Sasuke took a deep breath and stretched his trembling arms to tickle Naruto back, effectively making the other release a loud bark of laughter.

The two wrestled and tickled each other for a while, rolling around on the bed and tousling the sheets, throwing half-hearted insults at each other as they both fought to get the upper hand.

Sasuke had no idea how long they played like this, but truth was, they had somehow ended up with their heads turned towards the foot of the bed and he was on top of Naruto, between his parted legs and effectively pinning both his wrists at both sides of his head.

Panting and still laughing a bit, the two looked at each other for a while, trying to steady their breaths.

A few seconds passed by and Sasuke became increasingly aware of how close faces were, their noses barely touching, of their bodies glued together, and of the obvious hard-on his lover was sporting, pressed so divinely against his own.

Sasuke swallowed hard, the realization doing nothing to pacify his raging heartbeat.

“You just ruined my bed,” Naruto said in a whisper, blue eyes narrowing in recognition of Sasuke’s thoughts.

“You just made my headache worse,” Sasuke countered in an equal tone, purposefully tightening his hold on Naruto’s wrists and finding himself unable to hold back the urge to move his hips a bit to rub his clothed erection slightly against Naruto and enjoy the way his breath shook, eyes darkening in lust.

“Do you know what is said to be an effective cure to headaches?” the blond inquired with a devious smirk, shifting a bit so he was teasingly rolling his pelvis up, responding to Sasuke’s provocation. “Orgasms.”

Sasuke all but smirked back, lowering his head to brush his lips seductively over the ones beneath him. “Is that so,” he muttered against them, not hesitating in pressing himself down again harder and with more emphasis now, letting out a small moan of appreciation at the feeling.

Naruto made an urgent sound with the back of his throat and raised his head from the mattress so their mouths were in full contact. Releasing a hungry groan, Sasuke allowed Naruto’s tongue to pry his lips open as they kissed, desperation evident as their tongues met, over and over again and lips collided.

Naruto’s thighs spread wider for him, giving him more access and Sasuke wasn’t shy in letting go, thrusting his hips against the eager ones beneath him, and even through their clothes, the friction felt unbelievably amazing.

And Sasuke didn’t feel like holding back at all. All he cared about was the pleasure, the contact, the sheer freedom he felt that now he was able to do this with Naruto without worries or limitations. It was just the two of them and their desperate need for each other, and that was all he cared for.

000

Sasuke shivered slightly and sighed, breaking the kiss with a gentle suction noise. He looked at his friend, who made a pouting face.

“We won’t be seeing each other as often now,” Naruto said, brushing the backs of his fingers over Sasuke’s jawline in a feather-like touch.

“We’ll figure something out,” Sasuke contradicted in a low voice. “We can still hang out. And you can join me in my search for a new job.”

Nodding, Naruto bit at his lower lip before pecking Sasuke’s lips chastely and leaning away, breaking all contact.

It was still early in the morning, and they were inside Naruto’s car, which had been parked a little further down the street from where Sasuke’s building stood.

Waking up next to Naruto had felt… surreal, to say the least. Sasuke had been the first one to rise, considering he had set his mobile’s alarm clock and had promptly spent a few minutes spooning Naruto from behind, enjoying how the other had pressed his back to his chest in his sleep and allowed himself to be held. Sasuke wasn’t a cuddly person by nature, but chances like those weren’t as frequent as he wished they were.

He had allowed Naruto to sleep for a bit more before promptly deciding to wake him up with kisses all over his nape and cheeks, daring his hand to touch his torso and slowly slide downwards to tease other more intimate parts of the other into arousal, which quickly developed into a full make-out session with a lot of rubbing against each other. Thankfully they had remembered to take their clothes off first, this time, since last night they had cum in their underwear. Not exactly the most erotic afterthought.

If there was one thing that Sasuke learned was that no matter how sleepy Naruto was, being horny never failed to give him energy.

And now, they had to part. Again. He knew he had already probably stepped the line spending the night out, so he had texted Karin to let her know he’d be coming home for breakfast.

“So, I’ll see you on Monday, or something?” Naruto mumbled, crestfallen.

“Don’t make that face,” Sasuke replied, frowning at how difficult it was for him to see that expression on Naruto’s face – he could relate to it all too well. “I promise I’ll do my best to be with you whenever I can.”

Naruto shrugged and chewed on his lower lip, averting his gaze from Sasuke’s. “Things are getting pretty intense between us, aren't they?” he said, almost hesitantly. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love every second of it. But I feel like I’m getting, like… really attached to you. I mean… really attached. And I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not.”

“It would only be bad if I didn’t feel the same way,” Sasuke offered, quietly.

Naruto didn’t say anything for a while, but it was clear that something was upsetting him. Sasuke resisted the urge to touch him, knowing that something like that could weaken his resolve to talk.

Luckily, this seemed to give Naruto the strength to speak. “Just… Please think about us?” he muttered, looking at Sasuke with pleading eyes. “This has been going on for far too long, already Sasuke. But I plan to keep my word regarding this. I can’t wait forever, you know? Even though a part of me doesn’t want to lose you, you know how I feel.”

Feeling his heart sink and the blissfulness of the morning dissipate, Sasuke could only nod in understanding. “I know,” he said, forcing his voice to remain steady. His hands itched with the need to reach out and touch his friend, to offer some sort of reassurance, but at the same time, he knew it wouldn’t be of use, not when it came to that. “My head has been all over the place and I sometimes just… go with the flow. And we’ve only just started being more physical, and I’m glad we work in that department, because it was something that worried me.” He offered Naruto a smile when the other smirked a bit in slight embarrassment. “But I feel stronger now. I know this is for real, and I know I have support, so… “

He couldn’t find the words to express what he felt, what he wanted. Telling Naruto that he’d be leaving Karin soon would be a lie he didn’t dare, nor wanted to tell. He had no idea how to even begin preparing the world around him for such a thing, let alone make it official.

But he was getting there. More and more, he felt like Naruto was the real deal, and more and more he was sure that choosing him wouldn’t ever be something he’d come to regret. But it wasn’t just about choices.

“Yeah, okay,” Naruto said softly. “Just know that I…”

“Good Morniiiiiiiing!”

Both men jumped in their seats at the loud greeting, startled by the female voice that had suddenly interrupted a rather deep moment.

“Holy fucking SHIT!” Naruto yelled horrified, turning in his seat to see where the voice had come from. If Sasuke’s heart had almost jumped out of his chest, the feeling he had when he looked at the person who was crouching down and peaking inside the car from Naruto’s open window was completely indescribable to him. He felt himself blush in dread, and then pale in the next second as his blood pressure surely dropped down to his feet.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Karin!” he yelled as well, bringing a shaky hand to his chest. “What the actual fuck?!”

Naruto jumped again at the name, looking over his shoulder at Sasuke with his eyes opened wide in horror, but Sasuke merely widened his own in warning before looking back at Karin.

His wife was smiling mischievously, clearly pleased at having managed to scare the shit out of the both of them. “You should see the look on your faces!” she teased, sticking her tongue out to them.

“That’s not cool, dude,” Naruto muttered, breathing hard with the aftereffect of the fright.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to give you a heart attack, Naruto,” Karin said with a smile, not seeming very apologetic. She extended her hand to him through the window. “I’m Karin, Sasuke’s wife. I was just coming from the convenience store and I happened to look this way and recognized you from the picture Sasuke showed me.”

“Ah… nice to meet you,” Naruto said, shaking her extended hand, still a little baffled. “And what… picture are we talking about? I don’t know anything about it.”

Sasuke almost rolled his eyes at Naruto’s obvious nervousness. Naruto used to send him selfies all the time during those days they didn’t see each other, some of them rather provocative, but Sasuke always deleted them, much to his unhappiness.

Clearing his throat and running a hand through his hair, Sasuke quickly found his composure. “She coincidentally saw that picture you sent me with ‘the tie’ when you went to the opera with your Godmother,” he explained.

“Ah, that one…” the blond muttered, with a forced but relieved chuckle. “Well, that’s embarrassing.”

“Not at all, it kind of suited you,” Karin said easily.

“What are you doing here?” Sasuke asked her, frowning. “It’s like, eight in the morning.”

“You texted saying that you were coming home for breakfast and we didn’t have anything in the fridge,” Karin said, with a good-natured shrug. Then, she lifted the bag of groceries she was carrying so Sasuke could see it. “I’m going to make us something nice! It seems like it’s been forever since we had a decent meal together!”

Feeling almost self-conscious, Sasuke pursed his lips together.

“Why don’t you join us, Naruto?” Karin asked suddenly, looking really excited and startling Naruto again. “I’m sure you’re hungry!”

Oh, no, Sasuke thought. 

“Ah, that’s nice of you, but I couldn’t possibly bother you guys in your short time alone together!” Naruto immediately said, shaking his head vigorously from side to side.

“Nonsense, you’re not a bother at all,” Karin dismissed firmly. “You’re Sasuke’s friend and I’ve been wanting to meet you for a long time now!”

“Karin, it was a long night, and Naruto’s probably tired…” Sasuke tried to talk her out of it, but she just waved him off.

“It won’t take long, he’ll just get something to eat and be on his way,” she said, beaming at a very nervous (or overwhelmed, Sasuke couldn’t tell) Naruto.  She did look kind of crazy with her glasses falling to the tip of her nose and her red hair in a disheveled ponytail. “Come on, it’ll be fun!”

“I… okay then…” Naruto muttered, not sure what else to do, and Sasuke felt like hitting him across the head for not making up some kind of excuse.

“Great!” Karin said, patting Naruto’s arm. “I noticed you guys were talking and it looked serious, so I’ll just go ahead and get stuff started. Don’t be long, okay?”

“Yeah,” Sasuke said, feeling tired all of a sudden.

With an energetic wave, Karin straightened up and turned her back to them, proceeding to jog down the street towards their building. Naruto put his head outside the window to watch her go for a bit before taking his previous position and looking at Sasuke, seeming genuinely surprised.

“Man, your wife’s hot!”

And this time, Sasuke did hit him across the head, hard. “You dumb fuck!” he said, through clenched teeth, ignoring Naruto’s pained protest. “We’re so screwed it’s not even funny. And she’s a terrible cook, just so you know.” He hit Naruto’s arm this time. “And don’t say she’s hot, damn it!”

“What?” Naruto complained, rubbing at the pain in his arm with his hand. “She is! I’m complimenting your wife and you hit me?!”

Sasuke grunted and buried his face in his hands.

Karin had been right there. What if she had listened to their conversation?

What if she heard something?

And now Naruto was going to have fucking breakfast with his fucking wife, in his fucking apartment. Naruto would be in his environment and it was scary as fuck.

It was as if last night hadn’t been intense and nerve-wracking enough, now this.

It dawned on Sasuke that he and Naruto had done wonderful, dirty things with each other just a few hours ago. And now Naruto and Karin would be in the same room and he had no idea how that would make him feel.

Keep your cool, he told himself. He and Naruto were grown men, they wouldn’t fuck this up – they couldn’t. It would be fine, it was just a meal. They had pretended many times to be just friends in front of people, this was no different.

“Look, I’m sorry I accepted, but it would look weird if I just kept on refusing, right?” Naruto said carefully, reading his mind. “It’ll be fine! She seems like a nice girl, and I’m kind of wanting to get to know her a bit, too.”

Which, in Sasuke’s brain, was a terrible idea, to begin with.

Sasuke glared at his friend and heaved a long, frustrated sigh. “Let’s just get this over with,” he said, finally unbuckling his seatbelt. Naruto nodded.

Sasuke could only pray that Naruto and Karin didn’t get along at all. Because if they did and Naruto took a liking to her, then who knew what kind of things could run through that weird head of his?

Fate, Sasuke realized miserably, was bent on screwing him over.

TBC…

Chapter Text

It’s Not Fair

Chapter Seventeen: Meetings

Sasuke was living a nightmare. He couldn’t remember a time of his life when he had felt more on edge, and after a long and emotional night, being submitted to this kind of nerve-wracking torture was completely unwelcome.

Sitting at the table in his small kitchen, he was trying very hard not to throw up, his teeth painfully clenched as he watched the backs of Naruto and Karin, who were both happily making breakfast together by the stove and chatting casually as if they were old acquaintances.

And they just kept blabbering on and on and on.

Having Naruto in his house drove him crazy for all the good and bad reasons.

The only reason why he was even listening was just so he could intervene in case either of them said something inappropriate. Why this was happening to him he had no idea, but he felt like he was just entering the domains of hell. If there was one time in his life when he seriously doubted the gods’ love for him, this was it.

“… nurse, which is why my schedules are so over the place,” Karin was saying joyfully as Naruto worked on the scrambled eggs. “It gets pretty complicated sometimes because Sasuke and I rarely see each other!”

Despite himself, Sasuke flinched. Okay, so he wasn’t sober enough for this. Not even the rather proper education he had received from his parents had prepared him for such a situation. Having your wife and your lover in the same room, actually getting along, wasn’t something any man would ever want to go through.

Reaching out for his pack of smokes and his lighter, he lit himself his third cigarette of the morning and took a long, deep puff. He could feel a headache showing up.

And why were they both so damned loud? Sasuke wanted to tune them out, but he was too scared of missing something important.

“Do you like your eggs moist, Karin?” Naruto was asking at some point, casually.

“Oh, yeah, the moister the better!” Karin said, before looking over her shoulder and giving Sasuke a nasty smirk. “Sasuke likes them moist, too, don’t you, babe?”

To his credit, Sasuke managed to not cringe yet again, merely expelling the smoke of this cigarette with a raised eyebrow at his wife. If Karin wasn’t usually the type to make random sexual innuendos when his friends were around, he would’ve felt suspicious.

Naruto didn’t seem affected, though, or if he was, it didn’t show it. In fact… it deeply upset Sasuke just how well-humored Naruto seemed to be, and he didn’t know whether to feel relieved or very unsettled.

Once he finished his cigarette, Sasuke silently cleared the table so they could set the dishes and tableware needed for the meal. The three would be having a breakfast of eggs, toast, and natural orange juice made by Karin (one of the few things she could pull off successfully in the kitchen). They all sat down – Naruto at the head of the table, between Sasuke and Karin – and helped themselves, even though Sasuke couldn’t say he was feeling particularly hungry. He doubted he could stomach much of anything at this point.

The last thing he needed was for Naruto and Karin to become friends and Naruto to start having second thoughts about his relationship with him. Of course, right now, there was nothing Sasuke could do to logically stop those two from becoming more acquainted with one another, but he certainly had no intention of introducing Naruto to the life he had with Karin, not even as a ‘friend’. Because Naruto wasn’t just a friend, and Karin was his wife, these two facts couldn’t get mixed up.

“So, you’re a music teacher!” Karin said, grabbing the jar of orange juice. She seemed genuinely interested in Naruto, her eyes sparkling behind her glasses, her messy hair in that crazy ponytail making her look both demented and casually attractive. “That’s so weird! I’d peg you for a P.E. teacher instead!”

“Are you saying that because I’m incredibly fit and handsome?” Naruto said with a teasing grin towards her as she poured herself some juice. “I’m flattered.”

“Naruto,” Sasuke warned, a little surprised by his lover’s audacity, kicking his foot discreetly under the table and being promptly ignored.

“Well, who am I to deny it?” Karin said with a matching grin and a faint blush, serving the juice to Naruto as well, before doing the same to Sasuke. “I told Sasuke you were hot as soon as I saw your picture.”

Sasuke’s eyes quickly landed on her, becoming huge as he hissed “Karin!”

Now, what the hell was going on? Those two were becoming far too friendly for his taste, and the flirting – playful as it might be (or not) – didn’t please him at all.

“Why thank you,” Naruto said, proudly. “I didn’t expect Sasuke’s wife to be as hot as you, to be honest.”

Okay, that was completely out of line. And why the hell was he being ignored?

“What the…” Sasuke started, with a frown, only to be interrupted by Karin.

“I can’t believe my husband wouldn’t flatter this hot piece of ass to his friends!” She said dramatically, looking at Sasuke with a fake hurt expression.

“He did, he just wasn’t very descriptive,” Naruto explained, through a mouthful of eggs before swallowing. Then, he waggled his eyebrows at Karin. “I’m sure we wouldn’t believe him anyway, you’re way out of his league.”

“For fuck’s sake, Naruto!” Sasuke snapped, unable to contain himself. “Stop flirting with my wife, will you?”

It wasn’t like he was feeling jealous or anything like that, it was just that those two interacting the way they were was getting on his nerves.

From Naruto’s perceptive look, Sasuke knew he was being purposefully played just for laughs, but that didn’t make him feel any less annoyed.

Naruto didn’t seem deterred – if anything, he looked rather cocky.

“Chill out man, I’m just messing with you,” he said calmly, reaching out to ruffle the hair at the top of Sasuke’s head. “No one’s trying to steal her away from you.”

Glaring, Sasuke resisted the urge to tell him to shut up already, and instead, he grabbed Naruto’s hand and removed it from his head with a warning look. Naruto winked at him, and not for the first time, Sasuke felt the need to wonder why the temperature in the room had to become so inconveniently high.

“Let him be, Sasuke, I’m not complaining!” Karin said cheerfully, oblivious to the small interaction since she was putting some eggs over a bit of toast. She was having too much fun. “You’re too kind, Naruto. But, hey, Sasuke’s a handsome man, don’t put his ego down like that or he’ll cry.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it,” Naruto said, with a huge smile. “He knows he’s a pretty boy, I’m always teasing him about it.”

“Fuck you,” Sasuke spat, irritated beyond himself, especially because he knew, for sure, that it was obvious that he was blushing regardless of how much effort he put into keeping his stoic face in check.

Naruto snorted, looking back at Karin while making a face. “It’s just his face that’s pretty, though, because his temper needs some serious intervention.”

Karin shrugged, giving a bite on her toast before setting it down on the plate again. “Anyway, jokes aside. Do you like teaching children, Naruto?”

“Yeah, I do,” Naruto said while nodding his head. “I mean, they’re a handful, but I like kids of all ages.”

“Sasuke hates teaching,” Karin said, stating the obvious while picking up her glass of juice and giving Sasuke an endeared look. “I’m sure he’s relieved as hell that it’s over.”

“He complains, but the kids respect him,” Naruto replied, with a small chuckle. “He knows how to discipline them.”

“I can only imagine.”

Silence settled between the three of them as they ate (Naruto seemed to be particularly hungry), but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Well, it was uncomfortable for Sasuke, but the mood was very light.

Considering that he should get something inside his stomach after a night of drinking, Sasuke played around with his eggs for a while before tentatively trying to eat a bit.

“So, are you guys planning on having kids anytime soon?”

Naruto’s sudden question almost had Sasuke choking on the small piece of egg he had been in the process of swallowing, but thankfully he only coughed a bit, grabbing for his glass of juice and taking a sip. His reaction seemed to amuse Naruto, though, while Karin merely laughed.

Sasuke glanced at his lover, frowning. Why was Naruto doing this to himself?

“Oh, no!” she said, waving her hand dismissively. “I’ve only just started working as a nurse, and Sasuke should try and find the job he wants before that. We’re far too young. But someday, maybe?”

“Maybe,” Sasuke agreed vaguely, wiping his mouth with a napkin with as much dignity as possible.

When would that fucking inferno be over? And the way Naruto seemed to be having his fun was highly disturbing.

“Sasuke told me you want to become a professional musician,” his wife proceeded conversationally, eyeing Naruto curiously.  “That’s so brave of you! It’s not a very easy profession.”

“I guess.” Naruto, having already finished his eggs, picked up a toast and grabbed the knife and the butter. “I still want to try it while I’m young, you know? Gotta get me a decent band and we’ll go from there.”

“I’m sure you’ll be fine,” Karin assured him, offering him a genuine smile that the blond mimicked.

“Thanks.”

“You know, you are like I imagined you’d be: all bright and funny.” Karin munched on her toast again with a cheek resting on the palm of her hand. “It’s kind of interesting how someone like you became friends with Sasuke.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sasuke questioned, straightening his back at once.

“Come on, Sasuke, you know you’re very cynical,” Karin pointed out, rolling her eyes at him before focusing her attention back on the blond. “People tend to like him easily, but he has a hard time empathizing with others, you see. He’s more of a family guy, very devoted to his blood relatives and the people he handpicks for himself.”

Interrupting himself in the process of bringing the toast to his mouth, Naruto glanced at Sasuke before talking. “Well, aren’t I the lucky guy?”

“Oh, he’s lucky to have you, too,” Karin replied at once. “I think he needed someone like you as a friend as opposed to the usual serious people he hangs out with. No offense to anyone in particular,” she added, on Sasuke’s behalf, silently referring to Neji and, probably, Sakura as well.

“Whatever, it’s not like you haven’t been talking about me as if I’m not even sitting right next to you,” Sasuke dismissed, sarcastically.

“Don’t be like that, you know we love you,” Naruto felt the need to say, giving Sasuke a pointed, intimate look that could easily be mistaken for something less than it was, and this time, Sasuke couldn’t help but cringe visibly.

Nope, he wasn’t going to be able to eat at all. It was clear that Naruto and Karin were ganging up on him, both for their reasons, but both knew they were making him uncomfortable.  

Naruto smiled brightly at Karin. “But seriously, Karin, you don’t have to worry. I like this guy. He can be really scary once in a while, but he’s also really nice to be around when you get to know him. So, yeah, I don’t know how it happened, but I’m glad we met. And I’m thankful that I got to meet you, too. You’re such a cool person and you two make a nice couple. I’m envious.”

If Sasuke could, he would’ve gotten off the table at Naruto’s statement, or maybe it was preferable to vanish off the face of the earth completely.

“Oh, shut up!” Karin said loudly, giggling and blushing even more while punching Naruto’s arm good-naturedly. “Do you want more eggs? I’ll cook this time!”

Naruto smiled at her, his expression becoming a little strained since he already knew from Sasuke how much she lacked in cooking skills.

He waved the toast at Karin. “I’m still eating. Besides, I’d much rather cook for you. You’re so cool I just wanna make you happy, somehow.”

Sasuke resisted the urge to punch him.

This scene was not happening ever again.

000

“Karin, thank you for the hospitality, you were great,” Naruto was saying, as he put his shoes back on by the entrance door.

“Nonsense, you’re always welcome!” Karin replied happily, by now, more than a little infatuated with the blond, which Sasuke, who was leaning against the wall, found disgusting. “Do you have a girlfriend? We should all go on a double date some time!”

Naruto straightened up, rubbing the back of his head. “Ah, no, I’m not dating anyone right now,” he confessed, with an awkward chuckle that sounded forced to Sasuke’s ears. “I’m just… doing my own thing right now. No strings attached and all that.”

Karin seemed frankly disappointed. “That’s too bad,” she mumbled. “Well, it doesn’t matter. Come back anytime, okay? I’d love to have you around more often.”

“Sure, I’d like that.”

Please, no, Sasuke thought, stopping himself from whimpering miserably at the mere idea of having to go through all the stress again. Being in both his wife’s and Naruto’s presence at the same time had drained him, regardless of how surprisingly well things had gone. He was so emotionally exhausted from the previous night and this morning that he felt ready to collapse.

Not that he wanted to be rid of Naruto, but he couldn’t wait for him to walk out that door so he could fucking breathe.

When Karin leaned forward to plant one friendly kiss on each of Naruto’s cheeks, Sasuke had to make a great effort not to either look away or grimace.

He’d never get over how upsetting seeing Karin and Naruto in the same room was, let alone less than a step away from each other.

Naruto accepted the affection with an embarrassed smile before looking at Sasuke. There was a significant message in his eyes that could easily be mistaken for something else, and Sasuke merely nodded, taking slow, dissimulated breaths to control the guilt and literal physical discomfort he felt for not being able to properly say goodbye to him like he had gotten used to.

Karin opened the door for Naruto. “Drive safe,” she said, far too sweetly for Sasuke’s liking, as the blond stepped out of the apartment.

 “Talk to ya later, Sasuke,” he said, with a grin. “See ya, Karin.”

As soon as the door closed, Sasuke heaved a sigh, finally allowing his muscles to relax a tiny bit. Fuck, he didn’t think he had ever been this tense in his whole life.

“That’s quite the bromance you two have there,” Karin said mischievously, turning to him with a nasty grin, and crossing her arms over her chest. She looked a bit looney, looking at him over her glasses like that.

If she didn’t have that stupid expression on her face, Sasuke would’ve panicked. “The what?” he asked calmly, instead.

“Aw, come on!” his wife pressed on, clearly endeared. “It’s okay Sasuke! I know men are all macho and don’t like to talk about feelings and stuff, but I could see that you are fond of each other. I’ve never seen you look at another guy like that, except for Itachi. And I mean Naruto has you in high esteem.”

‘High esteem’ was putting it lightly.

Again, why wasn’t Sasuke able to stop being so goddamned obvious? He was the supposedly cool, collected guy, and yet, Naruto was the one able to keep a better low profile than him.

The only reason why he was off the hook was that Karin would never in a million years guess that someone like Sasuke could ever be 1. Attracted to another person 2. Attracted to someone of the same sex.

Besides, she had somehow compared Naruto to Itachi in Sasuke’s eyes. Which wasn’t exactly inaccurate in terms of how he viewed them as people he found himself highly bonded to for reasons that could be considered similar, but not exactly right because… well, he wasn’t in a romantic relationship with his brother.

The thought made him feel sick. Why had he even thought about something like that?

“Huh…” he mumbled in disgust, more to himself than to reply to Karin’s statement.

“Just admit it; you love the guy,” the girl said, poking his chest with a finger. “I mean, I just met him and I’m already in love with him.”

“Really?” Sasuke asked, making a face. “Maybe I should rethink my friendship with him, then, and bring a shotgun with me the next time I see him.”

“Don’t be silly,” Karin retorted, tugging at his t-shirt. “I meant to say that he’s likable. And I’m glad you have someone so easygoing like that in your life. He’s good for you.”

“Whatever.”

She smiled up at him, seeming a bit thoughtful. “Too bad he doesn’t have a girlfriend. What a waste of a good-looking man. Imagine all the fun the four of us could have. We should hook him up with someone! I’m sure Sakura could use a bit of action in her life, no?”

Sasuke grit his teeth, closing his eyes. Karin was being very creative that day, offering him far too many visual images he hadn’t requested for. Sakura and Naruto together were just a big ‘no’. Or, well, Naruto with anyone but Sasuke was a NO in his book. Just thinking about it made his nerves boil.

“I’m off to get some sleep,” he announced simply, placing his hand over Karin’s head and caressing it slightly, effectively dismissing the subject. “I’m really tired.”

Even though Karin pouted slightly, she nodded, getting on the tips of her toes and giving him a small peck on the lips. “I’ll wake you up for lunch. Don’t forget we’re having dinner at my parents'.”

Sasuke resisted the urge to groan. He had completely forgotten about it.

“Alright.”

000

He woke up with a start to the sound of several things falling to the floor and making a racket, and by the following flow of loud curses he could hear, he assumed that Karin was making one of her valiant attempts at cooking lunch.

Groaning a bit, he turned on his stomach and buried his face in his pillow. He felt so tired he just wanted to sleep all day, but now that he had been woken up, he knew there was no chance in hell he’d be able to fall back asleep.

The only good thing was that he could at least help Karin out with lunch so they’d have something edible to eat.

Despite the semi-darkness in the room, he closed his eyes for a while, feeling lazy. Unavoidably, his mind took him back to the amazing things he had been dreaming about involving a certain blue-eyed blond. A ridiculous giddiness filled him, then, because that kind of stuff had stopped being mere fantasies since the previous night and he was as thrilled as a teenage boy after his first time having sex.

Sasuke didn’t know whether to laugh at himself or be pissed off – also at himself – because he was a grown man, more than sexually experienced by now, and certainly not a blushing virgin.

Yet, his cheeks were burning hot at the memory of all the wonderfully awkward sexy things he and Naruto had done a few hours previously and his urge to smile was much undignified.

Well, there was no denying that he had reached a whole new level of ridiculousness in his life that he hoped no one but himself would ever know about. But he was far too happy right now despite everything. Just thinking about Naruto made his heart race and his breath catch in his throat. It made his body ache with the longing for kisses and touches that he was now familiar with.

Heaven help him, he just wished Naruto was there right then.

How fucking amazing the previous night had been despite the ups and downs.

And to think that Naruto meeting Karin had gone so well, too. Too well, actually.

Rolling on the bed so he was on his back, Sasuke rubbed at his face, forcing himself to calm the fuck down and go back to being serious.

Was Naruto okay after meeting Karin? They had gotten along well, and that terrified him more than he would ever admit. The last thing he needed was Naruto feeling guilty about being with him because he thought he was going to ruin a good relationship between him and his wife. Knowing Naruto the way he now did, he was sure that stuff like that would certainly go through the blond’s brain, and it wasn’t as though Sasuke didn’t know how people saw his relationship with Karin. After all, they were both attractive, opposite personality-wise, but good friends and with flowing dynamics that many people had claimed to be envious of.

Still, Karin was Karin, and Naruto was Naruto. And Sasuke wouldn’t allow Naruto to make decisions for him.

With a sigh, Sasuke reached across his nightstand to grab his mobile phone so he could send a quick text to Naruto. He had no idea if the man was sleeping or not.

To: Moron

Are you okay? I hope meeting Karin didn’t give you any crazy ideas.

Naruto was awake as well because his reply came not even two minutes later.

From: Moron

I’m fine. She’s a nice girl, I liked her.

Sasuke was in the middle of replying when another message interrupted his typing.

From: Moron

I’m not gonna deny that I felt like shit when I got home. But I already knew meeting her would feel like this. I still like you, tho, and I still want to be with you. Nothing will change that.

Relieved, Sasuke re-read the text a few times before typing again.

To: Moron

I’m glad you feel that way. I didn’t want you doing something stupid out of guilt.

Naruto’s reply was just as Sasuke had expected.

From: Moron

I won’t do anything stupid unless you force me to. I’m just waiting for you, Sasuke.

Again, Sasuke stared at the words – words he knew far too well the meaning of. He bit on his lower lip.

He wished he could reassure Naruto that everything would be alright and that he’d give him an answer soon. He wished things didn’t have to be so complicated. But he couldn’t lie to him – he wouldn’t, and Naruto knew this. Naruto wasn’t expecting sweet words and sand thrown into his eyes.

Sasuke sighed. The least he could do was be honest.

To: Moron

Thank you for everything. Just don’t forget why we’re together in the first place.

Since Naruto had seemed willing to leave the conversation at that, Sasuke deleted all the messages from his mobile phone out of precaution – something he did many times during his day, and something he hated doing because every interaction with Naruto, even via texting, was important to him.

But what else could he do?

Summoning up the courage to get out of bed and get ready for a day with his in-laws had never been this difficult before.

000

A little less than a couple of weeks passed since the end of school and Sasuke still hadn’t been very successful in finding a decent job. It was amazing how having a degree could narrow your chances of being employed.

Itachi would be leaving in a few days, so Sasuke had taken the chance to spend as much time with him as he possibly could. Naruto had been busy trying to find suitable people to form a band with, but no one seemed to match his demands or his style, so apparently, he had decided to join ‘The Hot Dogs’ for a while. Kiba already had gotten a few deals with a couple of local bars they would be playing at during busy nights, so Naruto and the rest of the guys had been practicing together whenever they could.

Sasuke found that not working with Naruto didn’t give him enough excuses to be around him as often as he wished he was, but he still tried to juggle his time as much as he could so he could be with him whenever he wasn’t with Karin or his other friends – whom he had been trying to avoid, especially Sakura since the day she called him yelling and demanding they go out for lunch so they could ‘talk’.

Honestly, listening to more of the same stuff he already knew wasn’t on his priority list.

While spending time around Itachi made Sasuke feel glad, the feeling came with a bitter taste considering he was going to be without the person he trusted the most for months on end, once more. He wondered how long it would be before he saw his brother again.

There were so many things that he wondered about lately, especially when it concerned the future. There was his career, Karin, Itachi, Naruto… so many questions he still didn’t know the answer to and was as eager as he was scared to find out.

It was a hot morning, but still, Sasuke was glad to have gotten up early to go out jogging with his brother.

Since Karin was doing the night shift, he had chosen to stay over at his parents’. It had been good to wake up to the usual agitation of his mother going about things in the house and his father getting ready for work. He and Itachi had even bickered a bit about who was going to use the bathroom first, even though the house had two other perfectly available ones. Family breakfast had also been nice, with easy chatter and Mikoto’s dear pampering of him and Itachi, always asking questions and giving them advice they didn’t need. But it had felt great to be home and go back to the old times when he had been younger and their family had been complete. How he missed the simplicity of those days when all he had been concerned about had been his grades and pleasing his father.

Both dressed in shorts and tank tops, he and Itachi had borrowed their mom’s car and the eldest of the two drove them down to the beach for a much-desired run.

Truth be told, Sasuke enjoyed exercising, even though he only worked out once in a while at home, so doing it outdoors on a beautiful day and in someone else’s company felt amazing.

He and Itachi jogged along the beach for about half an hour, only exchanging a few words now and then, sometimes moving closer to the water so they could feel the small waves splashing their feet. Sometimes they’d tease each other to see who could run faster for a while but quickly reversed to a more constant pace.

About an hour into their training, Sasuke’s mobile phone buzzed inside his pocket. He took it out without stopping his running only to see that Naruto was calling him.

He slowed down from running to a fast-paced walk, Itachi mimicking him with a questioning look on his sweaty features, strands of his long hair having freed themselves from his usual loose ponytail.

“It’s Naruto,” he informed his brother, still panting from the exertion. “Give me a minute.”

Sliding his finger over the touch screen, he picked up the call. “Hey.”

“Hey!” Naruto greeted, in his ever so cheerful voice. “Is it too early to be calling?”

“Not really,” Sasuke breathed, not helping a small smile as he wiped at his forehead with his wrist. “I’m out jogging with my brother.”

“Oh?” Naruto said, sounding surprised. “You got up early, then. I had to, as well, since the Old Pervert wanted me to drop him off at the publishing company. Now I’m just bored and I don’t feel like going home, so I was thinking about picking you up for breakfast.”

“Tell him I said ‘hi’,” Itachi said, with a rather knowing smile that made Sasuke punch his arm playfully.

“I already had breakfast,” Sasuke told Naruto. A delicious breeze brushed over his warm face and he inhaled it as deeply as he could, reveling in the scents of the sea. “Where are you? We can at least grab a coffee or something before lunch. Itachi says ‘hi’, by the way.”

“Tell him I said ‘hi’ back,” Naruto replied, amused. “I just wanted to spend some time with you, Sasuke, but I don’t want to take you away from your time with your brother, so don’t worry about it.”

“I’m sure Itachi doesn’t mind if you tag along.” Sasuke looked at his brother for confirmation, and Itachi, who was re-tying his hair, merely nodded in easy acceptance. For some reason, this made Sasuke feel excited. “Where do you want to meet?”

On the other side of the line, Naruto seemed to hesitate a little. “Are you going to introduce me to your brother?” he asked, sounding both skeptical and more than a little hopeful.

“Of course,” Sasuke said, softly. “Unless you don’t want to.”

Itachi had been the most rational person to talk to him about this whole issue, and he had known without Sasuke saying a word, that he and Naruto were officially together. It wasn’t as though he had given Sasuke another piece of his mind – Itachi had never been judgemental about the issue at all – and for some reason, he wanted Naruto and his brother to meet. He wondered what Itachi would think of him.

“No, I’d love to!” Naruto said quickly. “Just tell me where you guys are and I’ll come and meet you.”

“We’re at the beach you and I hang out at,” Sasuke explained briefly, exchanging a look with Itachi, who gave him a rather knowing smirk. “We’re kind of sweaty, though.”

“Like I care,” Naruto said, with a chuckle before his voice lowered seductively. “Although, I like the thought of you working out. I’m sure you look smokin’ hot.”

Despite himself, the corner of Sasuke’s mouth twitched upwards. “Shut up, don’t say stupid stuff over the phone.”

“You know you love it.”

“As if.”

Naruto snickered. “I’ll see you in about twenty minutes?”

“Yeah.”

Hanging up, Sasuke shoved his mobile phone back inside his pocket and found that his brother was looking at him attentively as he stretched his arms over his head.

A little embarrassed at the gaze he was receiving, Sasuke asked “What?”

“Nothing,” Itachi replied calmly. They had both stabilized their breaths and were now walking at a much slower rhythm. “I’m just surprised at how much your face changes when you talk to him. You look pretty happy that he’s coming.”

“Well, yeah. I want you to meet him,” Sasuke admitted, pushing a few strands of hair away from his sweaty forehead. It always made him feel oddly self-conscious about how easily he displayed his emotion towards Naruto, especially when he was around people he trusted – and he trusted Itachi. “Are you sure you’re okay with him joining us?”

“He’s the man you’re in love with,” Itachi said, a heavy hand landing comfortably on Sasuke’s shoulder. “I’m glad you’re giving me the honor of meeting him. I’ve been rather curious for a while.”

‘The man you’re in love with’, huh?

There was no denying it at this point anymore, was there? Naruto was becoming such an important part of his life that it felt as though everything was progressing rather naturally (and fast) for them. The intimacy, the emotional connection, that mutual need to have others know about them and approve. It was just like any other relationship that was becoming serious was supposed to go.

Somehow, Sasuke understood that his heart was making his choice for him, and his brain was slowly but consistently acting according to it. It was scary.

Now, he understood the real meaning of his ‘second’ life: a life where he was dealing with his relationship with Naruto as though they were a normal couple, inserting the other in their lives as if there was nothing else – or better yet, no one else.

This made Sasuke feel like trash, and it burned him from the inside. He acted almost as if Karin didn’t exist, even though she was still a huge part of his life – his other life as a married man.

He knew he would have to act upon it soon before it was too late and his marriage started to naturally fall apart. There was no denying that he still cared about his wife deeply, but small things were beginning to manifest themselves and try as he might, he wasn’t sure how long he could keep pretending before Karin noticed.

He didn’t text her as often as he used to. His touches were becoming increasingly more casual and less meaningful and the sex… Well, it wasn’t like he couldn’t go through with it, it was just that he wasn’t into it as much as he used to, and so actually acting as though it still had the same intensity was becoming a lot of hard work.

He did think a lot more about sex with Naruto, though, and while they hadn’t taken that glorious step yet, every single encounter they had where they found themselves alone was sure to end up in some kind of heated indulgence.

And more and more, Sasuke felt the difference between his two lives – the one that was slowly but crumbling down, and the one that was being meticulously built from day to day.

So yes, half of his life sucked, while the other half was amazing.

When did my life with him start feeling more important than my life with her?

“I think you’ll like him,” Sasuke said, patting Itachi’s hand a bit awkwardly, swallowing the sudden dryness in his throat and hoping that his brother hadn’t noticed the path his thoughts had taken. “I haven’t met a single person who doesn’t.”

Which was very true. Even he had completely fallen for the blond.

“We’ll see,” Itachi said, calmly. “I’ll race you back to the car.”

Taking a deep breath, Sasuke nodded, glancing at his brother challengingly. “Loser pays for the coffee.”

“Please, we already know who’s going to lose,” Itachi teased.

Sasuke merely snorted.

He was really glad that Naruto was going to meet one of the most important people in his life.

000

They had reached their car before Naruto’s arrival, so they took the chance to put on their trainers and clean up a bit with the towels they had brought with them, and Sasuke was very thankful for having remembered to also bring an extra t-shirt and some deodorant. It wasn’t the same as showering and changing properly, but it would have to do.

Naruto parked his Ford next to theirs a few minutes later as Sasuke and Itachi shared a cigarette between them – the last of Sasuke’s pack – both leaning their backs against the large and old Mercedes.

A rush of almost childish excitement filled the youngest Uchiha at seeing Naruto getting out of the car, dressed in a pair of cream trousers and a red t-shirt. He had flip-flops on his feet and was wearing those huge mirrored sunglasses he loved so much. His hair was such a mess of golden rebellion Sasuke was sure he hadn’t even touched it since leaving his bed.

And somehow, Naruto looked perfect. It was Naruto being himself, from head to toe, and this was exactly what Sasuke had wanted Itachi to see.

As usual, Naruto’s smile was mesmerizing.

Passing the half-smoked cigarette to his brother, Sasuke wasn’t shy in going over to his boyfriend and wrapping a hand behind his neck to pull him close for a kiss. It wasn’t an intense one, just a brush a meaningful contact of mouths, and a brief slide of lips over each other meant to express just how much they had missed each other, but it made Sasuke feel content enough, especially when he felt Naruto’s hand touch his waist in a small gesture of longing.

“Well, hello to you, too,” Naruto greeted in a contagious good mood once they broke apart, pushing his sunglasses up with his free hand so they were firmly in place at the top of his head. “Missed me much?”

Sasuke merely smirked at him. “Not really,” he denied playfully, knowing that they were both aware of what a big lie that was. He rubbed the back of Naruto’s neck affectionately, unable to help himself, strangely content when the other gave his ear a small tug in return. “Naruto, this is Itachi, my older brother,” he introduced, pushing the blond towards said brother. “Itachi, this is Naruto.”

“Hi, Itachi, it’s really nice meeting you,” Naruto greeted, immediately extending his hand to the older man and presenting him with a rather charming smile. When Itachi smiled back, Naruto seemed a little put off by how gentle it was.

“Likewise,” Itachi said in his polite way, taking Naruto’s hand in his and shaking it. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Only good things, I hope,” the blond muttered, with a small chuckle, clearly a little embarrassed but not uncomfortable.

“Yes,” Itachi said simply, with a small nod, releasing Naruto’s hand and bringing the rest of the cigarette to his lips. He inhaled as he gave Naruto an assessing look over, his dark eyes scrutinizing him from up and down but not in an oppressive way that could be considered offensive. For some reason, this made Naruto blush slightly.

“You and Sasuke look alike,” he pointed out sheepishly as if he hadn’t exactly expected it. “I mean, I can tell you’re a bit older, but it’s like, the resemblance is striking.”

“We hear that a lot,” Itachi said, his smile gentle but his eyes very attentive to the other male. “Sasuke’s better looking, though. He didn’t inherit our dad’s worst traits.”

Itachi pointed at the pronounced lines that marked his face at the sides of his nose.

Sasuke could see his brother being himself, easy-going, and well-mannered while evaluating Naruto in his way, and he could tell that this was a little intimidating for Naruto. Despite having chosen country life, Itachi was probably the smartest person Sasuke had ever known, and his kind, peaceful nature wasn’t exactly overpowering this fact. He could tell Naruto was aware of this.

If there was someone more than capable of actually correctly judging Naruto just by interacting with him, Itachi was it.

“Ah, I wouldn’t say that Sasuke’s better looking,” Naruto mumbled, blushing even more and letting out an awkward laugh. “You guys are similar but… different? Like, you have different vibes and different stances and all that. You both have an individual charisma, I suppose.”

“Please, Naruto, I’m not going to be offended if you think my brother is more attractive than me,” Sasuke interrupted, bent on lightening the mood for his lover. “I’d be surprised if you didn’t. Seriously, when we were younger I was the ugly duckling compared to him.”

“Don’t exaggerate,” Itachi said, with a fond smile. “You were always a cute kid, and popular.”

“Sure, until you happened to walk by,” Sasuke refuted, faking annoyance. Turning to Naruto, he added, “When I was in high school and he was already in college, I had to keep him away from my school, otherwise my fangirls would stop harassing me to instead bug me to hook them up with him.”

“Seriously?” Naruto’s eyebrows rose in disbelief, eyes traveling between the two brothers curiously.

“No, he’s just making stuff up,” Itachi corrected, entertained, giving one last puff on the cigarette. “He hated his popularity, so it was a blessing whenever girls gave up on him.”

“Yeah, sure, unless I wanted to get laid, because in that case, you became a hassle,” Sasuke accused humorously.

“Okay, I seriously don’t want to know anything about your sex life as a teenager,” Naruto complained, lifting both hands in surrender but still smiling, which made Sasuke smirk.

“I’m just joking, Naruto,” he said, poking his side. “Didn’t I tell you Itachi thought I was asexual for a long time?”

“God, his interest in sex and people in general was completely inexistent,” Itachi agreed, with a huff. “I think he only masturbated when books and studying were involved somehow.”

Naruto laughed.

“Well, excuse me for caring more about my education than about sex and romance,” Sasuke defended, still faking offense. “I regret nothing.”

“I have no idea why we’re talking about your sex life when I just got here, but if this is how the rest of the morning is going to go, I’m just so glad I came,” Naruto said, wiping at the tears in his eyes.

Things seemed to be going well enough as far as first impressions went, and Sasuke was thankful. He needed Itachi to give him and Naruto a chance and to just… see them together. Naruto was a good guy, and someone Sasuke deeply appreciated despite the obvious dysfunctional issues of their ‘affair’. But regardless of how fucked up things were when he and Naruto were together, everything mattered and Sasuke was happy.

Somehow, he needed Itachi to understand this and see it for himself, just like Neji and Sakura had.

The corner of Itachi’s mouth quivered upwards and, for a few seconds, his eyes locked with Sasuke’s, silently telling him that he was pleased, so far. Still, there was a small flicker of seriousness there that made Sasuke sure that they’d have a long conversation after this.

Nevertheless, Sasuke was happy enough that, for now, Naruto seemed to have gained Itachi’s attention, and that was good. That was all he needed.

“How about that coffee?” Itachi suggested, smoothly. “It’s on Sasuke by the way, since he lost our race back here.”

“Oh?” Naruto gave a maniacal, evil cackle that almost made him look like a twelve-year-old. “Good thing I’m starving, then, huh?”

And Sasuke would’ve groaned if he didn’t feel far too entertained and light-headed at that particular moment.

He couldn’t wait to see how things would go between his brother and Naruto.

TBC…

Chapter Text

It’s Not Fair

  Extra - Sasuke’s Dream

Sitting on a fluffy armchair, Sasuke sighed and tried to adjust his position – his back was killing him – before cradling gently the small bundle in his arms as he looked around the room absently, enjoying the simplicity of his parents’ wide living room. He felt tired and jetlagged since they had only returned from England a few hours previously and still only had enough time to greet everyone properly and make sure the kids were changed, well fed, and comfortable.

Despite himself, he was seriously regretting not having agreed to the idea of purchasing a private jet, because even in first class, traveling with a four-month baby and a restless three-year-old and being among other people was far from ideal. As much as Sasuke tried to avoid falling into the stereotypical whims of the rich and the famous, the truth was, he really had no choice since life itself was constantly begging for ways to make his days easier at any cost.

Not that he was complaining. He wouldn’t trade his life for the world, hectic and tiring as it may be.

He looked down at the tiny baby girl in his arms, relieved to see that she had fallen asleep with her tiny fists clenched up against her chest and her temple against his chest.

Smiling a little, Sasuke used a thumb to brush a few strands of soft dark hair away from her forehead.

Miyako was the second of his two children. Unlike the first one, the decision of having her had been made quite suddenly, but it was one that, for the life of him, he could never regret.

A few years previously, kids were the last thing on his mind, and honestly, not only did he fail to see himself even wanting them, but he genuinely couldn’t imagine himself as a father considering his short temper. But the more the idea had been brought about, the more he had embraced it, and now…

Well, he had thought that he had known what true unconditional love was before, and yet, it was nothing compared to how he felt for his children.

He didn’t think he had even known what true devotion was before his family had been completed like this, with two people in love bringing to life two other wonderful beings that belonged to only them.

Lifting the baby slightly in his arms, he pressed a small kiss to her tender cheek before nuzzling it with his nose, watching as she stirred a bit without really waking up. Her tiny lips parted and she released a soft whimper that almost melted Sasuke’s heart. If she wasn’t sleeping he would’ve hugged her tighter and made all sorts of idiotic and undignified sounds to make her laugh – something he would’ve sworn to never do to a baby a few years previously.

Moving his eyes away from his daughter, Sasuke scanned the noisy room once more.

Sitting on the family-sized sofa across from him, Sakura and Neji were arguing loudly about some vacation they had been planning on going, the woman gesturing emphatically, causing the male to frown and offer a different input. On the floor, Ino and Kankuro were completely ignoring their better halves’ banter while they helped the red-haired seven-year-old, Kotori, make a jigsaw puzzle. Sasuke eyed the little girl with interest for a while, but the feelings he had for her were both fondness and detachment. He liked her dearly, but there were other feelings regarding her that he preferred to not delve too much into.

With heavy eyes, Sasuke noticed his mother entering the living room with his three-year-old son, Kei, in her arms, followed closely by Itachi, and they both seemed to be fairly entertained by the child’s loud and bright laughter. Despite his exhaustion, Sasuke couldn’t help but smile slightly at his son when Kei noticed him and waved at him energetically with a small hand.

God, he loved that boy, and there was no describing the happiness he felt by knowing that his family loved him just as much. The sense of accomplishment inside of him wasn’t something that could ever be erased. His life couldn’t be more perfect if he tried.

In a corner of the room, Fugaku was sharing a drink with Suigetsu as they both discussed what was on the news flashing on the TV. Leaning back more on the armchair, Sasuke wondered where the hell Karin was and what was taking her so long to get there.

“Give her to me,” Itachi said in a low voice, making his way to him and stretching his arms out towards the baby in Sasuke’s arms. “You look like you’ve been run over by an elephant.”

“Why are you whispering?” Sasuke inquired with a small frown, straightening himself and carefully passing the baby to Itachi. “If she managed to fall asleep with all this noise, I doubt you talking normally will wake her up.”

“Well, it can’t hurt to be careful,” Itachi said, still quietly, smiling down at the baby and rocking her gently. “Look at this pretty little thing. She looks so much like you already. And here I thought I’d never be an uncle, and now I am the uncle of two.”

“Good thing for you I live abroad, then,” Sasuke teased. “You don’t have to babysit them.”

Itachi’s smile softened to a slightly sad one, but the obvious fondness in his eyes as he looked at Sasuke made the younger one remember just how much he had missed his brother while away. “Don’t say that,” Itachi muttered. “And to think I came back to the city to be a proper uncle and brother…”

“Shut up, you’re only back because you wanted to reunite with a certain someone, otherwise you’d still be milking cows in the country,” Sasuke joked, with a small chuckle.

Itachi merely rolled his eyes. “To each their own, little brother,” he said, amused. “I suppose that running after what we want kind of runs in the family.” The insinuation made Sasuke snort, knowing what his older brother was referring to. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a sleeping niece I need to coddle. And by the way, where is Shisui?”

“I remember him saying something about buying some more wine for dinner?” Sasuke said, with a shrug of his shoulders. “Everyone’s into getting wasted for the evening and there wasn’t enough booze.”

Itachi released a gentle laugh and shook his head from side to side. “This is when you guys should be thankful I don’t drink, otherwise who would be the responsible adult and babysitter?” He began walking away, before looking over his shoulder meaningfully. “And I don’t mean just for the kids.”

With a wave of his hand, Sasuke shooed him away, feeling content at seeing Itachi wink at him and leave the room.

He would lie if he said that it wasn’t relieving to have his kids being safely taken care of by others for a little while. The joy he felt at being reunited with his family and feeling that overwhelming love and comfortable feeling that was ‘home’ wasn’t something he could explain.

“I wanna pway, too!” Kei was saying excitedly, noticing the jigsaw puzzle and pointing at it, his huge blue eyes shining expressively. “Gwandma, let’s pway!”

“We need to ask Kotori permission, first, dear,” Mikoto said sweetly, placing the boy on the ground and laughing when he awkwardly made his way to Kotori and the two adults. Sasuke noticed Fugaku’s eyes had shifted their attention to Kei for a few seconds, the corner of his usually severe mouth curling upwards for a brief moment before he looked back at Suigetsu to resume their conversation, the small action making Sasuke’s chest swell in pride and emotion.

How weird it was, that already so long had passed since it all ended and begun, and yet, Sasuke still felt the same gratitude and never-ending happiness that he had initially felt. Maybe it was because he didn’t live close to his family anymore and didn’t get to see them as often as he used to, or maybe it was because, deep down, he knew that he had made a choice that could’ve damaged his relationship with his parents severely. But they had been there for him, they had understood, and there was no way he could ever repay that acceptance that, at the time – and even in the present – had meant the world to him.

“I see someone’s getting emotional,” a knowing voice whispered in his ear. Looking to the side, he saw vibrant blue eyes looking at him with nothing but simple contentment and a slight worry, and he couldn’t help but smile all the wider.

Naruto was crouching down beside his armchair so he could be at Sasuke’s eye level. Reaching out his hand to Sasuke, he turned his palm upwards in a silent invitation.

“I guess I just missed everybody,” Sasuke said in an equally low voice, giving Naruto his hand and offering a small squeeze as his eyes ran over his lover’s features lovingly. In his late twenties, Naruto was as good-looking as ever, even if he still kept that vibrant, almost childish aura that never failed to be infectious. “And I guess it’s times like these when I feel deadly tired but just grateful, you know?”

Naruto nodded and smiled back gently. “I’m sorry to keep you away from them,” he said, softly and sincerely.

“Don’t be stupid,” Sasuke said dismissively, because, no matter how many times they had talked about this over the years, somehow the blond still felt guilty when, in the end, it had been Sasuke’s choice and how life had turned out for them. “Our jobs are what they are and there’s no way around it. We’re both happy like that and that’s fine. We have our own family now, Naruto.”

Squeezing his hand back, Naruto bit his lower lip and nodded. “I know, and I’m grateful to you for that. For everything, really.” He grinned in a rather silly way that Kei had inherited flawlessly, just like he had inherited those huge blue eyes and golden hair. “I never thought we’d come this far together after everything. But I’m glad we did. And I’m so glad we took these vacations so we could see everybody. But I have to admit that I’m about to collapse.”

“Come sit on my lap and I’ll cuddle you,” Sasuke teased easily, reaching out with his free hand to caress Naruto’s cheek.

“I don’t think that would be very appropriate in front of your parents,” Naruto said, pressing a kiss to Sasuke’s palm with an amused glint in his eyes. “But I’m not opposed to some quick ‘cuddling’ later if we manage to have fifteen minutes of peace once Kei is asleep and half the house is drunk since I heard that’s what everybody seems to be aiming for tonight.”

“Fifteen minutes?” Sasuke asked, raising both his eyebrows upwards mockingly. “It’s been three days, Naruto, I’m pretty sure we’ll be done in five.”

Naruto laughed. “So be it; I’ll take whatever I can.”

They exchanged a long, meaningful look in silence, content with the simple intimacy they were sharing, both glad to finally have some time to be themselves in an environment that allowed them to be normal people.

“I love you, Sasuke,” Naruto muttered, with a soft seriousness that was very unlike him but that he always used when saying those three words, and no matter how many years had passed, Sasuke still felt his very soul-stirring with feeling every single time he heard them. “Despite everything, here we are. Together, with our kids… And I can’t say I have any regrets.”

Twisting his body towards his lover, Sasuke fought the urge to kiss him on the lips to not be ‘inappropriate’ and instead touched his mouth to Naruto’s forehead chastely, feeling the other man sigh happily.

“I love you, too,” he whispered, joining his forehead to Naruto’s. “And I, too, have no regrets. I am exactly where I should be, and I wouldn’t change a thing.”

And it was true. Life had been hard once, and those days were still dark in Sasuke’s mind. He had fallen, but in the end, he had fought and done what was right regardless of everything, and eventually, fate (and Naruto) rewarded him.

And in the end, everything was exactly how it was supposed to be.

Chapter Text

It’s Not Fair

Chapter Eighteen: About the Lover  

They drove in their separate cars to a nearby coffee shop that Itachi loved because of the amazing cinnamon buns they sold that he was craving.

Since it was too hot, they chose to stay inside where it was cooler thanks to the air conditioning, sitting at a small round table where three people barely fit in the middle of the shop. Naruto ordered a large slice of carrot cake and a mug of hot chocolate (that made Sasuke look at him disapprovingly because, seriously, how much sugar could one get for their first meal of the day, and wasn’t that too hot considering the temperature outside?) while Itachi ordered coffee and the so longed for a cinnamon roll for himself. Sasuke preferred to stick to mint iced tea.

Naruto and Itachi talked for a while. Sasuke liked seeing them interacting – his brother with his gentle smile and his ever-so-polite manner of speech, Naruto being his usual excited and loud self. They seemed to be getting along well enough since the conversation flowed easily, so Sasuke didn’t feel pressured to intervene as he had with Karin, merely watching them in calm contentment despite him simply knowing that, sooner or later, some kind of bomb would drop.

Itachi told Naruto a bit about himself, his past and what he now did in the country and the blond seemed very interested in knowing more about him. He seemed fascinated by the fact that someone as smart as Itachi would choose to leave a promising career for the low-earning country life, and this was something that inspired him on some level. It seemed like a stupid move on Itachi’s part if one didn’t know him, but Sasuke himself knew that his brother was now happier, and that was inspiring and heartening enough. Then, Naruto also told Itachi about his passion for music and his ambition to become a professional musician one day.

They changed the topic of their lives to talk about other things, like interests and random stuff that was on the radio echoing throughout the coffee shop.

When Itachi asked Naruto how he and Sasuke had met and became a couple (even though he knew the story already) Sasuke knew his brother was just carving his path towards his true intentions. Of course, he had expected this, and while he wasn’t scared of what might come out of it, he knew far too well his brother’s opinion on the matter and it made him anxious.

He had no idea if Naruto perceived this move on Itachi’s part or not, but Sasuke still chose to put a hand on his thigh and give it a squeeze that was both warning and reassuring. Naruto threw him a look of comprehension that also silently told him that it was okay. Itachi’s eyes followed every single interaction between them like a hawk.

Still in a good mood, Naruto told Itachi his version of their story, which wasn’t very different from Sasuke’s apart from calling him a few names here and there. Listening to the tale, Sasuke came to understand that his and Naruto’s feelings for each other had evolved as a pair, being of empathy from the start and consistently growing together even if one noticed them before the other. Those feelings had been mutual from the very beginning, strengthening each other as time went by. Thinking about it made Sasuke’s breath catch.

“So, Naruto…” Itachi said conversationally after Sasuke had ordered some more beverages for the three of them (the same as they had each individually had previously). “I don’t mean to ruin the mood or anything. We have just met and you seem like a nice person, but as Sasuke’s brother, I do feel like we need to get some things straight if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all, I actually kind of saw it coming,” Naruto said, waving a hand dismissively with a genuine smile. “And you’re cool, too, Itachi.”

Itachi gave him a small smirk. “Thank you.” He nodded, politely. “So, tell me, I heard you’ve met Karin?”

“Yeah, a couple of weeks ago?” Naruto answered, looking at Sasuke for confirmation, to which he nodded affirmatively. “She’s such a cool person, too.”

“Yes, she is,” Itachi agreed. Then, and as smoothly as a snake casually crawling past its prey before attacking, he added, “And she’s also Sasuke’s wife.”

Despite himself, Sasuke tensed. Although he had been ready for his brother’s bluntness – he knew it was unavoidable the moment he got him and Naruto together – he hadn’t been ready for the feeling of empathy on Naruto’s behalf because he hadn’t thought that far ahead that Itachi’s words might come as aggressive to him. They weren’t supposed to be a personal attack on Naruto, he knew, but the blond could perceive them that way.

With a sudden feeling of unease, Sasuke saw Naruto’s smile falter a bit and his eyes lose the sparkle in them. He glared warningly at his brother, who didn’t acknowledge him, his eyes curiously focused on the blond.

“I am… aware of that,” Naruto said, slowly.

“I don’t enjoy being blunt, but it’s not something I can help if I feel that the occasion needs it,” Itachi said, his tone gentle, but firm. “I can see that your dynamics with Sasuke are very good. It doesn’t take an expert to see that you two really like each other, and indeed, it’s a beautiful sight. But, to be very honest, Naruto, there is something about your demeanor that makes me feel uncomfortable.”

“Well, I’m sorry to hear that,” Naruto apologized, hesitantly.

“You are a strong person, I can tell." Itachi played with his empty cup absently, twirling it around with his index and thumb, the object making a small noise as it spun. “And in your eyes, I see that it’s because you care about Sasuke deeply that you smile and act naturally. But you are dating a married man, my friend.”

“That’s true,” Naruto agreed, his eyes not leaving Itachi's. Sasuke held his breath as his brother watched Naruto openly, eyes narrowed in contemplation while the blond simply looked back, apparently not bothered, but his posture was suddenly very straight. His smile had disappeared completely now.

“What I’m trying to say is that, to me, it’s obvious that you’re in pain,” Itachi stated simply, again, unforgivingly straightforwardly.  “Maybe Sasuke doesn’t see it because he’s blindly in love with you and because you do kind of an amazing job at being natural, but to someone from the outside, it’s just uncomfortable.”

“You’re making us feel uncomfortable right now, Itachi,” Sasuke felt the need to intervene, feeling his lover shift beside him. This forced his senses to be on alert regarding Naruto, sudden worry stabbing his heart.

“No, it’s okay. He’s right, Sasuke,” Naruto reassured him, mimicking his initial action by putting his hand over Sasuke’s thigh. He spared a glance his way before focusing back on Itachi. “You’re just as smart as I thought you’d be.”

“What I want to know is what your thoughts on everything that’s happening are?” Itachi stilled the mug, allowing himself to smile carefully as if genuinely curious. “I mean, the two of you have been together for many weeks already and nothing has progressed in terms of how this situation is going to be resolved. I blame it all on Sasuke, of course, and it must be frustrating. It is for me, and I'm merely a spectator.  I can only imagine how it may feel for you.”

“You don’t have to answer that,” Sasuke said quickly, grabbing Naruto's hand under the table, if to calm him or himself, he wasn’t so sure anymore.

Itachi was approaching an unexpected subject and Sasuke was at a loss as to how to feel about it.

“Ah, it’s fine,” Naruto assured him while moving his fingers so he could lace them with his. Then, he grinned at Itachi in a knowing way that also had a hint of respect and acknowledgment to it. “I see what you’re doing there, Itachi.”

“I’m merely curious,” the eldest of the three replied innocently, with an elegant shrug. “Also, I know I shouldn’t meddle in things that are none of my business, but from the way things are going, I guess that there are things you two don’t talk about as often as you should.”

Sasuke couldn’t exactly disagree with that, and he was the one at fault, he was aware.  It didn’t make him feel any less uncomfortable. Itachi was trying to make him feel guilty in front of Naruto, and he was succeeding.

“Yeah,” the blond agreed, eyeing Sasuke from the corner of his eye, but his fingers tightened around the other male’s.

“I do think that Sasuke isn’t aware of a few things that he definitely should be aware of,” Itachi proceeded. “You both are very young, but it’s not always about love.”

“I think that Sasuke is lucky to have a brother like you,” Naruto said, sounding almost endeared at Itachi's behavior. “His friends are also pretty amazing, but I’m sure you know that. You all have his ass covered.”

“Pretty much,” Itachi admitted with a smile.

The waitress came back with their new beverages, removing the empty glasses, plates, and cups from the table.

The three thanked her, and once she left, Naruto took a sip of his hot chocolate before speaking again. “You see, Itachi, I care about your brother as I’ve never cared for another person in my life,” he confessed, too formally for what Sasuke was used to. “Before I met him I would've never even entertained the thought of being with someone committed, least of all another man, but I couldn’t help it, even if I tried being away from him. But it’s harder when it’s mutual, you know.”

The eldest Uchiha nodded. “I understand."

“If you want to know if this whole situation upsets me, of course, it does,” Naruto continued, with a sigh. “If it were up to me, he would’ve dumped Karin already. Because, for me, as soon as I realized that I was in love with this guy, I prepared myself for life to be different. I automatically embraced the idea that I had to come out to everyone as a gay man, even though I don’t have any interest in men.” Slowly, he slid his hand away from Sasuke’s to place both his elbows on the table, crossing his arms over its surface. The action wasn’t one of rejection, but somehow it unnerved Sasuke, who couldn't help but resent the lack of grounding contact. "I told people close to me about us. I’m not ashamed of how I feel. I know that he isn't, either, but I get that he and Karin are married and that she doesn’t deserve to be hurt like that. Also, there's the issue with both families and all that.”

Sasuke stared at his lover's profile unblinkingly, a little surprised at the overwhelming honesty. He should've known that Naruto, unlike him, had everything well sorted out for himself regarding their relationship.  He was aware that he was now a gay man (regardless of not liking other men that weren't Sasuke) and had already started working with the world and the people around him as such. He had a strength Sasuke could only dream to have, and again, Sasuke felt guilty. Naruto knew what he wanted and was acting upon it while Sasuke was simply hesitating in fear, even though he knew he loved Naruto as he had never loved another human being in his life.

“Yeah, it’s frustrating and upsetting.” Speaking again, Naruto woke him up from his thoughts. “I try not to let it show because I don’t want to put unnecessary pressure on him. I’m scared I might lose him. But yeah. Being close to him is both painful and relieving. I’m the happiest when I’m around him, but at the same time, it kills me that he has a schedule and always has to run back to Karin.”

“You’re his lover, she’s his wife," Itachi felt the need to point out, merciless as ever.

“I know that,” Naruto muttered, tensing slightly again. “It still hurts knowing I can’t spend a proper day with him in peace without him constantly looking at his watch, or that he can’t stay over, or that I can’t just do something as simple as seeing him whenever the fuck I want.”

To Sasuke’s surprise,  Itachi laughed. “You make it sound like Sasuke is such a terrible person in all of this. And I’m not blaming you; I agree.”

At this, Naruto relaxed, probably because he realized that more than coddling and protecting Sasuke, Itachi also understood Naruto and had his back as well because he was the one doing the right thing. Itachi didn’t mean to attack him, he just wanted Sasuke to understand Naruto’s feelings and do something about it. He was on Naruto’s side. This strange empathy between them wasn’t shocking to Sasuke, but it made him feel helpless. How could he have disregarded his lover's feelings so blatantly while Itachi had seen them right away?

“He is a terrible person for doing this to both of us." Naruto shared a look with Sasuke, a simple but meaningful one, filled with emotion and a little resentment, and Sasuke felt like the world was slipping away from his feet with all the things he saw there.  He wanted to apologize,  but he knew it would never be enough. Again, it made him feel self-conscious. “Especially for doing this to me. I have no choice but to wait while he just lives in his world of make-believe with Karin. But at the same time, I get it. I get that you and I can see that it will all blow in his face at some point, but he can’t see it. If he could, he would’ve acted already. He’s not stupid, he knows it, but refuses to acknowledge it.”

Itachi's eyes became darker and a little sad. “Indeed.”

“It’s not like that, Naruto," Sasuke said quickly. "I just..."

“Yeah, you’re just going to say that your life is different from mine and that I don’t have as much to lose as you do and blah blah blah. I already know all of that, Sasuke, and I don’t care," Naruto interrupted dismissively.  His tone was a little harsh, at last, and despite the lack of animosity, the way it hit Sasuke’s heart in its brutal honesty felt devastating to him and it hurt.

"You're kind of being an ass," Sasuke interjected coldly, knowing very well that he had no right to say it, but his temper was taking the best out of him.

To his surprise, Naruto glared at him as if defying him to tell him that he should feel differently, and there was such an intensity to it that Sasuke could only bite the inside of his cheek, feeling simultaneously outraged and ashamed of himself for it because he knew Naruto was right.

Again, Naruto turned his face towards Itachi, who was watching the both of them with evident interest. “He knows I have rules. I have established them from the very beginning. He knows I won’t be second best to Karin and I won’t sit around being his lover forever while he lives a double life. No matter how much I want him, I’m not anybody’s bitch. It’s precisely and only because of how I feel for him that I’m in this mess, to begin with, otherwise I wouldn't be caught dead in such a precarious position.” He touched his cup of hot chocolate as if it had offended him, looking down at it with a small frown. “But he knows that I’ll be reaching my limit soon. And I won’t go back on my word even if it kills me.”

Naruto stared at his beverage in silence, clearly not in the mood to drink more. No one felt inclined to ingest anything else.

His heart was heavy inside his chest, Sasuke watched his lover, feeling hurt, but not in a personal way. He had underestimated Naruto’s feelings in this and had also disregarded his 'conditions'. Naruto kept reminding him of them, but they were always so apparently happy in their bubble that it was easy to not take it as seriously as he should.

But Naruto was serious because this – all of it – was hurting him more than even he allowed himself to admit because he didn’t want to push Sasuke away. But Sasuke was hurting him badly with each passing day. Knowing Naruto was hurting because of him made him hate himself.

He wanted to touch Naruto and tell him that it would be alright but he couldn’t find the willpower to do it. From his stance, Naruto wouldn't accept any form of comfort coming from him right now.

“I can’t possibly claim to know you, but you seem exhausted, Naruto,” Itachi said softly after a while, to break the awkward silence. “This is taking quite the toll on you, I can tell.”

“Yeah,” the blond confirmed, with a heavy sigh. Still, his voice softened. “Every single day that goes by without anything moving along bothers me. But I know it’s not in my hands, so I try to give him time because I trust that he’ll do it for himself before the time’s up.” When Naruto’s knee bumped with his slightly, Sasuke felt like it was okay to breathe just a little. “I can’t help but have faith in him.”

“How noble of you,” Itachi said, with a sardonic smirk that also looked full of sympathy. “I feel sorry for you, to be honest.”

Naruto all but laughed. “You’re very straightforward,” he replied, with a good-natured shrug. “I like people like you.”

Itachi placed his cheek over his fist and his eyes, far too intelligent, traveled between the two men assessingly. “Don’t get me wrong, Sasuke is crazy about you, and for you to take his shit, surely you see that.”

Sasuke looked away from his brother, fists clenching over his thighs. Itachi wouldn't let him have a rest, but it was because he knew he deserved it that he gave up on trying to offer any kind of input. Shutting up and listening respectfully was the least he could do.

“I see it better than anyone else," Naruto affirmed, firmly.

“But you’re in a difficult position, and I wouldn’t like to be in your shoes.”

“I wouldn’t like to be in my shoes either.” Sasuke noticed that, at this point,  Naruto could only joke about it because surely,  he was already more than emotionally drained from the whole conversation.  “Let’s just hope it all turns out for the best huh?”

“I certainly hope so,” Itachi agreed, carefully. “I honestly want you two to be happy.”

000

Things were a bit heavy after the conversation, but they still stayed at the coffee shop for a while, Itachi and Naruto forced different topics just so things wouldn’t be left on such a sour note, but Sasuke didn’t take part in it at all.

The two men seemed to have gained mutual respect, at least, which was good enough.

They bid their farewells on the outside of the coffee shop. Itachi still had a few purchases he needed to make before lunchtime and they were already behind schedule. 

If there was one thing Sasuke had come to abhor lately it was parting ways with Naruto. The feeling was something he didn’t think he'd ever get used to. Every single time he felt the pain and the longing, and it was unexplainable.  Even now, all he wanted was for Naruto to go with them. He wanted Naruto to meet his parents and see the house he had grown up in. Surely Naruto would find his mother beautiful.

“I'm sorry," Sasuke whispered in Naruto’s ear as they hugged, Itachi having headed towards their car in advance to give them some privacy.

"What, exactly, are you sorry about?" Naruto asked gently, pulling away slightly so they could look at each other properly. Sasuke felt insecure and there were many things he felt like he should talk to Naruto about but just couldn’t find the strength to do so for fear of hurting him more. When Naruto had first moved to hug him he had been ready to cry in relief.

It was an unfamiliar feeling for him, to feel so sheepish around Naruto, wanting to be close but also dreading it. The things he had heard coming from his mouth had caused him pain on the other’s behalf and he felt sick, useless, and helpless. He didn’t even know what to do with himself, and again, as with so many things involving Naruto, it made him feel unbalanced.

There was exhaustion and a weird resignation in Naruto's usually lively blue eyes and Sasuke desperately wanted to erase it all so he could see nothing but the open yearning and love there.

"You're probably not apologizing for the right reasons, Sasuke." Naruto was smiling as he said this, but it hit Sasuke hard all the same.

"I guess I already have so much stuff to apologize for that I don’t know how to," he muttered, honestly.

"You do know how to," Naruto assured him, cupping his cheek tenderly. "You just need the guts to do it."

"Naruto, I..."

Silenced by Naruto’s lips on his (a move he was thankful for), Sasuke felt like he had no control over anything anymore and that the only thing he knew for sure was that he wanted that man with everything he had. He didn’t know what to tell Naruto to make him feel better even though he wanted to. He didn't know anything.  Knowing of Naruto's feelings tore at him.

He responded to the kiss with the same slow emotion Naruto used, mouths moving gently over each other a few times before their tongues slid against each other in a way that was meant to establish the intimacy of their interaction but not rile them up. It was as if Naruto was the one offering reassurance when it should have been the other way around.

And again, Sasuke felt disgusted with himself.

"Have a nice day with your family," Naruto said with a final brief peck on Sasuke’s mouth. "And I like your brother, by the way. He's awesome."

"Yeah," Sasuke muttered, reluctantly pulling away from the other male. "I'll call you later."

Naruto watched Sasuke get into the passenger seat of the car with a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes. He waved at Itachi, who waved back before starting the vehicle.

As he fastened his seatbelt, Sasuke’s hands shook violently. His chest felt painfully tight and it was as if he had a massive ball of cotton stuck in his throat. He tried to swallow around it, but the feeling wouldn't go away.

He couldn’t even be mad at anyone but himself, and yet, he wished his body would react so he could at least throw a few offensive words toward his brother – maybe that would make him feel better.

"He loves you, you know?" Itachi said after a while, voice low and grave.  "But you're going to lose him, little brother. And it will all be your fault."

Crossing his arms over his chest protectively, Sasuke buried himself more in his seat and looked out the window, not daring to meet his brother’s eyes when he felt like such chaos.

"Don't say that," he hissed, closing his eyes. "I'm going to fix it. I will."

"Sure you will."

Itachi didn’t seem convinced, and it angered Sasuke beyond reason.

Still, all he could do was utter a muted 'fuck you' that the elder male didn't take to heart.

"He's already yours, no doubt about it," Itachi proceeded. "But you need to do something fast. Otherwise, he's going to leave you and you're going to fall. And it won't be pretty, Sasuke. I’m serious."

I don't need you to tell me that, Sasuke thought with bitterness, but the feeling was directed at himself, not Itachi, and he found himself unable to speak.

He felt his eyes watering behind his eyelids, so he closed them tighter.

A strong hand landed on the top of his head, but thankfully, Itachi was perceptive enough to see that he was on the verge of breaking down, so he refrained from saying anything else.

Feeling like a real scumbag was hard on Sasuke. And if he didn't have enough shit to make him feel miserable already, realizing that those feelings were caused exclusively because of Naruto and not Karin was just the fucking ugly cherry on top of that rotten cake.

000

Itachi left two days later in the middle of the night and Sasuke insisted that he wanted to see his brother off. At the airport, he hugged Itachi with the same childish desperation he often felt as a kid whenever he saw his big brother leaving for school, leaving him alone all day long without a play friend. Seeing him go had never been easy for him. Knowing Itachi would be away again, in a place where they couldn't even call him was devastating.  He wished Naruto was there for him (with him), but his parents were there as well, so it was Karin next to him as he said an indefinite goodbye to Itachi.

His brother whispered a few words in his ear before releasing him and smiling meaningfully at him. Sasuke felt vulnerable like never before, and as Itachi buried himself in the crowds, he felt as if his very strength was leaving with him. Only when his brother disappeared did he allow violent sobs to escape his chest. Luckily, both his parents were also far too emotional to find it particularly weird.

000

As if by miracle, a few days later Sasuke ended up finding a job at a fancy coffee shop half an hour away from his place. He had given up on trying to find something suitable for his college degree during the summer, and really, he wasn’t arrogant to the point of thinking that kind of job to be low for him. All he wanted was to keep himself busy and make money. He valued his financial independence, and even though Karin was well paid as a nurse, he didn’t for a second wish to put their expenses on her shoulders.

So, of course, finding a full-time job with a steady schedule from 7a.m to 4p.m was a gift from the gods themselves, and since the place was rather well-known and expensive, the pay wasn’t bad at all, not to mention that not only did he have lunch at work, but they always allowed him to take home a few of the less selling pastries to not have food going to waste. It wasn’t an ideal job, but he thought that he was lucky, not to mention that intellectually, it didn’t demand nearly as much as being a teacher did.

He and Naruto usually saw each other after work when possible, the blond either picking him up from work or Sasuke going to meet him somewhere. Naruto was already performing at bars several times a week, and when Karin wasn’t home, Sasuke definitely took the chance to go and watch ‘The Hot Dogs’, but this didn’t happen as often as he wanted to, not to mention that a few of Jiraiya’s (Naruto’s Godfather) relatives had come to visit, so the whole house, including Naruto’s part, was always occupied, meaning that their little sanctuary wasn’t available.

Sasuke always missed Naruto, especially when he couldn’t see him. Being busy meant that time flew and he barely took notice of it, which made him feel restless. He wasn’t spending nearly as much time with his boyfriend as he wished he could, and he wasn’t thinking about his life as much as he should.

And he would be lying if he said that he didn’t panic as soon as he thought about it.

He wanted to be with Naruto, he knew that. Not having him close every day on every possible occasion was viciously tearing at Sasuke’s very being and his longing seemed to become more unbearable with each passing day. Itachi wasn’t around anymore to give him a push, and even though Sasuke wanted to take a step further, he had no idea how to even begin changing his life to achieve it. He didn’t even know where to start, and truth be told, he was still scared of the future - not with Naruto, but regarding his relationship with Karin and his parents.

Should he tell Naruto that he wanted to be with him so that they could start fixing their future lives together and then he would talk to Karin about it? Should he tell Karin first and then move on from there? Should he… tell his parents before taking any important steps so they’d be ready for what was to come?

Sasuke thought about talking to Neji and Sakura for help, but every time he called Sakura, he was greeted with a ‘please tell me you're finally getting a divorce’. Neji, on the other hand, just kept telling him to talk to Naruto first so they could both figure stuff out before making big decisions. He understood where Neji came from – their relationship would be secured if Naruto knew Sasuke was planning on being with him. But, at the same time, he feared that Naruto would just think that telling him was only a plan to buy himself more time, and that would hurt him, even though it was not Sasuke’s intention.

Since the conversation with Itachi, Sasuke had dealt with Naruto’s feelings differently. Realizing just how much Naruto was hurting was rather upsetting for him. Every time Sasuke told him how much he cared about him, it made the blond feel both happy and bitter, and Sasuke found himself unsure of what to do.

Because, after all this time, Sasuke still hadn’t done anything about it and he hated himself for it. He hated himself for being so scared of everything when he had always been someone who was so sure of himself and made decisions without looking back.

He had always been confident and ruthless, so why couldn’t he be that way towards something he genuinely wanted with every fiber of his being?

But he needed to act. He would. He knew now that he wanted Naruto and that his own heart was Naruto's no matter what. There was no possible escape.

All he had to do was act upon it once and for all.

000

From: Moron

CHECK YOUR EMAIL WHEN YOU CAN!

The text message arrived just as he was making his way outside to the back of the coffee shop he worked at for a quick smoke. The shop had been rather busy.

Lighting himself a cigarette he had bummed out of a fellow worker, he crouched down with his back against the wall. The alley was deserted at that time of the day, but there was no escaping the smell of garbage coming from the huge contenders next to him. Across from him, the back door belonging to an Italian restaurant was ajar, allowing him to hear the racket coming from the inside.

Cigarette dangling from his lips, Sasuke fished out his mobile phone from his pocket and used the coffee shop’s Wi-Fi to access his email. He didn’t see anything particularly catchy, so he decided to check the spam messages, and indeed, there was something there that caught his eye.

Subject: Official invitation to ‘Secretus’’ Soirée.

Since nothing else struck him as important, he guessed that this was the email Naruto was referring to. Pressing his thumb over the topic on the screen, he opened it.

Dear Sir,

An acquaintance has given us your contact so we could offer you an exclusive invitation to our club’s next big event. You are hereby invited as a guest of honor of one of our prized employers to the soirée that will be held on the 10 th of July, from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. There will be no entrance fee for you.

Below, you can find a code, as well as our contact for the month so you can validate your invitation. All you have to do is contact us and give us the code provided so your presence will be confirmed for the event. Note that this code can only be used once after validation, so you cannot pass this email to others.

More information will be provided once you talk to our staff. We will gladly answer any questions you might have.

Cordially,

Secretus

Unblinkingly, Sasuke stared at the email before reading it again. Then, not wanting to make conclusions, he decided to call Naruto for clarification. 

 “Did you see it?” Naruto asked, his voice suspiciously excited when he picked up the call.

“Yeah,” Sasuke replied, expelling the smoke with a small frown. “What exactly is that?”

“Well, you can’t tell this to anyone,” Naruto said, conspicuously. “The thing is, Gaara works for a private luxury swingers' club. So, apparently…”

“Wait, you’re talking about Gaara, Temari’s brother?” Sasuke inquired for rectification, surprised. “The same Gaara from your band?”

“Yeah, but, as I said, no one else knows, not even his family. That includes Temari and Kankuro.”

Somehow, it seemed impossible. Sure, Gaara was kind of punkish, looked a bit menacing, and was someone with a strong personality, but going from that to working for such a place…

Not that Sasuke was very knowledgeable about such things, but he knew enough to have an idea of what kind of ‘jobs’ it entailed.

“Anyway, the thing is, apparently they are trying to find more members, so they gave Gaara two extra entrances for the next event, that’s this week,” Naruto explained. “So it’ll be held at a big-assed mansion with free food and drinks. And the club is like, super exclusive, so we’ll only be able to get inside after we call to validate the code. Gaara says they’ll ask us to send our pictures and…”

“I’m sorry, wait a second,” Sasuke interrupted, rubbing his forehead with the fingers that were holding his cigarette tiredly. “But you do know what happens at those sorts of places, right? Couples go there to have sex with random strangers at some point, and quite honestly, I’m not that sexually open-minded to hook up with someone I don’t know.”

Least of all when I didn’t even have sex with you yet, Sasuke added mentally.

“EW, Sasuke, seriously?” Naruto said, sounding outraged. “You think I’d take you somewhere to have sex with other people? Hell, no! We’re going as guests, not participants, and no one will make you do anything. We can just watch and no one will say a thing. That’s the purpose of inviting guests, to lure people to the club.”

Taking another drag on his cigarette, he merely made a vague sound with the back of his throat, unsure of what to say. He wasn’t ignorant about such clubs, but it wasn’t like he had ever been personally into such things, even though he didn’t have any kind of prejudice. It just never crossed his mind.

“I thought it would be fun,” Naruto proceeded, a little more calmly this time. “Gaara asked me if I knew someone who would be interested and I thought that it would be cool. I’ve always been curious about this sort of thing. Plus, free stuff. And, as I said, we don’t need to do anything, we’ll just watch and have a few drinks and then we’ll leave. But it’s okay if you don’t want to.”

Naruto’s tone was hopeful but also a little crestfallen as if he had expected Sasuke to be as excited about it as he was.

“It’s not like I don’t want to, it’s just sudden and something I never really thought about doing, even just as a voyeur,” Sasuke said, making sure his voice was calm and thoughtful. Lately, Naruto had been trying to find all sorts of excuses so they could spend more time together, and he used all sorts of events and interesting things to lure Sasuke in (which was unnecessary since Sasuke was more than glad to spend time with him regardless of where they were or what they were doing). “So, we’ll be going to a high-classed event to watch people fuck?”

Naruto’s laughter made his heart race with fondness. “Yeah, that’s exactly it,” he said. “Gaara says that there are all sorts of important celebrities there and everything. It’s gotta be wild. Gaara also says that there are a lot of people who pay a ton of money to go there just to watch. Of course, they sometimes get into the action as well, but I guess it depends. So I’m sure it’ll be fine. Kind of like going to an art exhibit.”

“I beg to differ,” Sasuke said sarcastically, flicking the ashes of his cigarette to the ground.

Sasuke was silent for a while, finishing his cigarette as he looked at the wall across from him without really seeing it. There was no denying that he was a little bit curious, but at the same time, he wasn’t sure how he’d react to being in a sex-filled environment. Or, well, he didn’t know how he’d react with Naruto around.

But he shouldn’t think about stuff like that, even though he couldn’t help but do. The only reason why the two of them hadn’t done the deed yet was that the chance hadn’t presented itself. Their time together was precious nowadays, and they rarely found themselves in a place where they could go all the way. Whatever heated moments they shared between them always involved Naruto’s car in rushed frenzies. In between Sasuke’s job and Karin’s days off, they had only managed to see each other a couple of hours per day, and this was all thanks to Naruto’s efforts in meeting him during his small breaks, by picking him up from work or something of the sort.

“I’ll have to check my schedule at work, because one of the girls is on vacation and they might need someone for the night shift,” Sasuke mumbled, with a sigh. “I’ll let you know in a bit, okay?”

“Right!” Naruto’s renewed happy tone made Sasuke smirk a bit. He was such a pawn for that guy’s whims, he thought. “Text me when you can, okay?”

“Of course. Later, dumbass.”

“Yeah, babe, fuck you too,” Naruto retorted, voice filled with affection and amusement.

Hanging up, Sasuke sighed, leaning his head back against the wall.

Well, fuck it.

000

The phone call to the Swinger’s Club a few days later was awkward for him. A polite woman picked up his call, well-spoken and flawlessly formal to the point of giving off a sense of arrogance.

Sasuke gave her his validation code and she then proceeded to tell him in a rather detailed manner what the club was about.

As Naruto had explained, it was a very expensive swinger’s club meant for couples and singles. Everyone involved paid a – very high – membership fee per month and it allowed them to have free access to the events and things supplied to them. The events were never in the same place, sometimes even occurring in different countries. People from the outside were usually close friends to the members and could be allowed to participate without being members if they paid. When Sasuke heard about the amount, he paled.

Sasuke would be going as a guest of one of their employers (because, apparently, even at a swinger’s club some people (couples generally) liked making reservations for one or two specific people for specific purposes), so he would have free access to everything as a member would. He could join in on the ‘festivities’ if he wished, but no one would pressure him if he stated that he was there only for voyeurism.

He would have free access to food, cigarettes, all sorts of lubricants, condoms, and sex toys and the place itself had several small rooms (all of them open) to suit the participants’ needs and kinks.

Sasuke understood very well what she meant, and somehow, her casual tone made him feel annoyed.

She kept on talking about the rules: no non-consensual sex, no unprotected sex, no rude behavior, and no damage to the club’s property. Also, he would leave both his cell phone and his ID card at the entrance, as well as physical proof of his current home for precaution in case he decided to go to the media to report on both the club and some of the celebrities there.

Those guys didn’t play, did they?

Finally, the woman told him that he would have to send his full body picture to the same email address from which the invitation had been sent, and after that, he’d receive yet another email with his entrance code and the address of the place where the event would take place.

Formal attire was required, as well as a classic Venetian sort of mask that he would have to have on by the time he entered the building.

By the time the phone call ended he had to admit to himself that his hands were sweating.  It was done. Now all he had to do was send his picture as requested and find something suitable to wear.

Well… despite everything, he was feeling rather excited. Surely, it would be a whole new experience in a whole new world and, just as Naruto had said, they’d have free stuff, which was always a plus. More importantly, he could be with Naruto and spend actual time with him. They’d have a few drinks, make sexual jokes, gossip about celebrities, and have a good time enjoying everything as best as they possibly could in that environment.

And Gaara would be there, probably busy, but he’d save their asses if he had to, Sasuke was sure. After all, for someone like Naruto to agree to something like this in such a suspiciously reserved environment, he had to trust Gaara completely.

It would be alright.

000

“I won’t be home on Friday night,” Sasuke announced vaguely at dinner a few days later, looking at the spaghetti on his plate with an almost bored expression, completely ignoring the news on the newly purchased TV they had gotten for their kitchen. It was the way Karin’s head snapped towards him that made him look up at her to see her eyebrows curl upwards. She looked strangely surprised, shocked even, which was unusual.

“Where are you going?” She asked simply.

Sasuke could only school his features to look as casual as possible. “Naruto’s Godfather’s birthday,” he lied. “The man has been wanting to meet me for a while, and he has invited me, so it’s the least I can do.”

In all honesty, Sasuke wasn’t exactly ready for the sudden way Karin’s eyes darkened, narrowing to angry slits. “What about me?” She said, her voice still deceivingly steady. “Doesn’t he know you have a wife? Usually, people tend to invite the couple when they know an individual is married. It’s just common sense, and a basic rule of politeness.”

The aggressiveness of her words, even though her tone was almost devoid of emotion, made Sasuke’s muscles tense in awareness. He didn’t like the implication of what she was saying, so he frowned at her. Could it be that she was suspecting something? She had never really interfered with Sasuke’s personal life before since they had always spent enough time together and she supported that he spent time with Naruto.

“I don’t know if Naruto has told him or not. Maybe he forgot,” Sasuke replied easily with a shrug that was meant to lighten the mood. “I can talk to him to let him know you’re coming, no problem.”

It was psychological manipulation he was doing and Sasuke was aware of it. It would be a problem if Karin decided that yes, she wanted to tag along, and then it would be a major issue because there was no such thing as Jiraya’s birthday, it was all an excuse to go with Naruto to the swinger’s club event.

If possible, Karin’s eyes narrowed even more. “No,” she said, shaking her head from side to side. “You go.”

She then proceeded to put down her knife and fork and got up, picking up her barely touched plate of food and moving to the garbage disposal.

Sasuke merely watched her, a little confused and unsure of what to do. He wondered what was wrong with her. He had no idea what was making her angry at that moment, but she was. And Karin wasn’t someone prone to real anger easily.

“Take care of the dishes for me,” she said blandly, putting her things in the sink. “I’m not feeling well.”

“Alright,” Sasuke agreed, feeling a bit on edge. He was going to ask her if she needed anything but she was already leaving the kitchen and heading towards their bedroom, closing the door behind her with too much force.

Sasuke sighed, also putting down his cutlery and rubbing his face with both hands. He had no idea what was wrong with her, and the truth was, he didn't feel eager to find out. Things were becoming rather dire between them from day to day, and while Karin never seemed to act differently or even notice it, surely this was the product of something he had done and didn’t know about.

Maybe this was the chance to take care of things once and for all, he thought, his heart racing at the possibility. Maybe she’d ask things and demand answers and they’d fight over stupid things and he’d be able to tell her he was no longer in love with her and that he wanted a divorce. Maybe…

For a few seconds, he strongly considered it, his body stiff with the impulse to get up and go to her and finally put an end to his misery and all this charade.

You’re going to lose him, little brother. And it will all be your fault.

Sasuke clenched his jaw. But… was this really how he wanted to break up with her? Them both yelling at each other and him blurting out things to hurt her? Karin was someone precious to him, and they had no valid reason to start arguing right now. Maybe she was just pissed at not being invited to Sasuke’s lie, but it was her right as his wife and not something he could berate her for.

No. Karin would be hurt at some point, but why make it worse and more shocking than it had to be? He couldn’t do this to her. There was no way he could just take such a step so inconsiderately.

He knew it would be too much to ask, but he didn’t want to lose her as a friend and as someone he cherished, but he knew he would if he stepped inside that room right then.

Swallowing around the dryness in his throat, Sasuke forced himself to take a breath before getting up to start clearing his dishes and cleaning the kitchen. He had some serious thinking to do.

TBC...

Chapter Text

It’s Not Fair

Chapter Nineteen: Secretus

That Friday, Sasuke spent his shift in internal excitement, and even his fellow employees said that he was in a better mood than usual.

He was feeling particularly excited when Naruto came to pick him up so they could go shopping for suitable clothes for the event. They had both agreed on something comfortable yet stylish, but neither wanted to wear suits because it was too stern of a look for both of them.

They spent the afternoon looking for new clothes, and eventually, Sasuke found himself a nice pair of smooth black pants and a classical gray shirt to wear under a simple blazer. The polished dark gray shoes complemented the outfit rather nicely, and while Sasuke knew it was relatively simple, as Naruto had noted, he was attractive enough that he could pull off simple clothes and make them look like a million bucks.

Naruto, on the other hand, had chosen something a little less formal, going for dark blue jeans, a white shirt, and a black blazer similar to Sasuke’s. While he wouldn’t look like a businessman, it suited him perfectly.

They ended up finding Venetian-like masks at a costume store. Most of the more elaborate ones (made of expensive-looking fabrics, exquisitely elaborated and decorated) that Naruto fell in love with were pretty expensive to purchase for a one-time thing, but they found a few that were made of some kind of metallic material with intricate patterns that tied to the back of their heads with silky matching ribbons. Considering Naruto’s clear eye and hair color, Sasuke chose a simple black one to make a good contrast, while for himself, he chose a silvery one so it could offer another sort of contrast to his dark eyes and hair.

They had a light dinner, showered, and got dressed at Naruto’s place. Sasuke would lie if he said that he wasn’t nervous but also very excited. Naruto looked more attractive than usual, and while it was a feast for Sasuke’s eyes, it was also something that drew him to the other man with a force that threatened to be stronger than himself. He could tell by the more than appreciative way Naruto looked at him before they left the house that the blond could feel the same pull, and it was as alluring as it was dangerous.

For a fleeting moment, Sasuke had the strong urge to pull Naruto to him and tear his clothes apart and the club is damned. They finally had the chance to be together, alone, but instead of doing what they both desperately wanted to do, they were going to a fancy sex party with dozens of people around them fucking to their heart's content for everyone to see.

But he and Naruto weren’t swingers, nor people interested in exhibitionism or any kind of dark kinks of the sort. Not that he knew of, at least. So, what were the odds that this would even be more than a very awkward visual experience for them? Because, no matter how much food and drinks there might be, no matter how fascinating it would all turn out to be… he was sure as hell that he’d be very uncomfortable at some point, and so would Naruto.

He had done his bit of research, so he had an idea of what they were getting themselves into. He just hoped that no one would try and seduce either of them, but he knew Naruto was a good-looking guy, he would certainly draw attention to him. Somehow, this upset Sasuke all the more. Suddenly, this all seemed like a terrible idea.

000

They met with Gaara at his place. Sasuke still couldn’t believe that the quiet emo-like creature actually worked for a Swingers’ Club, and yet, there he was: all fancy in his black suit and gray shirt, not even wearing a tie or bothering to fix his hair. There was black nail polish on his nails and black eyeliner surrounding his eyes and causing the vivid green in them to stand out. Sasuke couldn’t quite understand it himself, but the truth was, Gaara looked good in a very unconventional way. There was something about the way he held himself and the intense look in his eyes.

On his bike, Gaara led them to the location while they drove in Naruto’s Ford behind him. Sasuke and Naruto didn’t talk much, both unsure of what they were feeling the closer they got to their destination. They mostly held hands during the whole ride as if to mutually reassure each other, but it was clear to Sasuke that his lover was very excited, his naturally curious nature taking over. Sasuke was, too, he just felt more skeptical than Naruto, he guessed, because he didn’t know Gaara that well to trust his protection in this. It was unknown territory and an environment that they wouldn’t know how to deal with.

However as soon as Gaara’s bike crossed large golden iron gates and the Ford followed behind it, Sasuke couldn’t think about anything else than the sheer greatness of what his eyes were witnessing. He wasn’t sure about whether to feel relieved or on edge when the gates were mechanically closed behind them.

It was a mansion. Not just any mansion, but a pristine white, tall, and large one with gorgeous, tall golden windows. The makeshift parking lot followed a path from the gates and around a large and luxurious luminous fountain. Lots of fancy cars were already parked everywhere. Compared to them, Naruto’s poor old Ford seemed almost pitiful. As middle classed men, they were out of their comfort zone, Sasuke thought, taking a deep breath. He had never been in such a luxurious place before, and from the pallor in Naruto’s cheeks, he understood that this was just as new to him.

Naruto parked his car in a small available spot between a red Porsche and a black BMW, while Gaara parked his bike not too far. The large, wooden entrance door of the mansion was already open, and yellow welcoming light could be seen coming from the inside.

The three of them reunited a little more to the side, close to a window that had no visibility to its interior since the thick curtains were closed.

“Okay, so you already know you can’t go in there as a couple,” Gaara said seriously looking from one to the other while he put on his dark gray eye mask. “They wanted singles, so I managed to get you inside as such. You’re supposed to know me, though, and the boss knows that, but you’re not supposed to be together since your invitations were separate. The club members want new singles willing to get involved with the couples, not committed people. The whole purpose of these invitations is to awaken interest in new singles working with us, thus the free entrance for experimentation.”

“Okay,” Naruto said seriously, and Sasuke could only nod. He didn’t like the idea of entering by himself, but he took comfort in knowing that at least he and Naruto would be in the same room.

“You should put on your masks as well,” Gaara instructed, and both Naruto and Sasuke wasted no time in doing so. It wasn’t as though the eye masks concealed their faces all that much, but Sasuke could understand the purpose of creating a mysterious appearance.

“You can get together later, no big deal; just make sure you make it look casual,” Gaara proceeded, watching them as Sasuke tied Naruto’s mask behind his head properly. “People will probably approach you, but no one will force you into doing anything unless you openly show interest, or claim to be interested. This is a highly respectable club, and not everyone is interested in hooking up with strangers. Many couples just come to have sex in front of others or to hook up with one of their employers. Some people just pay to watch and have free stuff.”

‘Respectable’ wasn’t exactly a word Sasuke would use to describe such a club, no matter how fancy it was.

“Do you have an assignment?” he asked Gaara carefully, not wanting to imply anything too debauched. Gaara didn’t seem offended, because he nodded.

“There’s a couple that always asks for me at the soirees,” he explained casually. “The wife likes my ‘work’ and the husband just likes to see his wife being fucked by other men while he jerks off to it. But most of the time he ends up taking part in the action. He usually likes me doing stuff to him as well, and the wife loves it, too.”

“That’s… not something I needed to visualize, Gaara,” Naruto muttered awkwardly, blushing while upset at the mental image. Sasuke, open-minded as he was, internally agreed that the casual way Gaara spoke was slightly disturbing.

“Naruto, we’re going to be in the same room, remember?” Gaara said, without expression, narrowing his eyes at him. “You’re going to see me fucking those two whether you like it or not.”

“Yeah, well, I can look away if I want to, geez!” Naruto complained, blushing all the more violently at his friend’s crude words. “So, if we want to get out we’ll have to wait for you to finish or…”

“You can leave whenever you like, it’s not like the doors will be locked, and you brought your car for a reason,” Gaara interrupted, with a small lopsided smirk. “Just make sure you let me know regardless of what I’m doing.”

Neither Naruto nor Sasuke were particularly pleased by this, but at least it was relieving to know that they would leave if things got uncomfortable, which Sasuke was sure they would. He had imagined how things would be like at the soiree and had even searched a bit of similar stuff on google, so his mind was filled with possible case scenarios. Still, he wasn’t sure if he’d know how to handle being in such a place in reality, but he’d lie if he said that he wasn’t curious. They had come this far, hadn’t they? So as long as he could reunite with Naruto as soon as possible, he’d be alright.

Exchanging a look with his lover, Naruto simply swallowed hard, but nodded at him once, with determination.

The three of them entered the mansion to find a round hall, with black and white marble floors and a luxurious crystal chandelier hanging from the high ceiling. The walls were painted with what looked like mythical scenes of some sort, but Sasuke found himself suddenly too numbed with anticipation to even feel the need to observe his surroundings properly.

There was a large thick wooden counter on the far left side of the hall, behind which two finely dressed men could be seen. Gaara led them towards them, and a bit surprised, Sasuke noticed that neither man was wearing a mask. One of them seemed to be in his early thirties even though his hair was of an ashy gray color, wearing a dark blue tuxedo. He had round, black-rimmed glasses and was relatively good-looking, but there was something very nasty behind the falsely polite smile he flashed them. Kabuto was his name.

The other man seemed considerably older, and yet, there was something about his appearance that made it impossible to determine his age. He, too, wore a fine, expensive-looking black tuxedo, was tall, and with long, slick black hair. His eyes were of an unidentifiable color between green, light brown, and gold, and his features were deadly pale but very fine, certainly very androgynous. The man had a very imposing air about him and there was a sharp and evaluating intelligence in his eyes that had a hint of malice. He wasn’t one to be fucked with, that was for sure. If described by a poetic writer, he would be considered beautiful, yet hauntingly frightening.

He greeted Gaara with a very smooth, almost alluring voice that worked to charm the person being addressed. From the way he spoke, Sasuke could tell that he was cultivated and well-bred.

He introduced himself as ‘Orochimaru’, and his eyes gained a glint as soon as they landed on Sasuke. It wasn’t as though Sasuke felt intimidated by them, but he could perceive the man’s interest and curiosity straight on. Still, Orochimaru only asked him to leave every possession with him – this included his wallet, mobile phone, and house keys – which Sasuke wasn’t very happy about but conceded all the same because Gaara assured him that it was safe and that there was nothing to worry about. He wasn’t planning on sticking around for long anyway, and he hoped Naruto had similar ideas. He gave Orochimaru his belongings and received a silvery card with a number on it.

Orochimaru made an elegant gesture towards the tall closed doors by his left and offered Sasuke a very charming, but also dangerous smile.

“You may now enter the party.”

With one final look at Naruto, Sasuke raised his head and made his way to the door that Kabuto was already prying open for him.

000

The round room was already filled with people as he stepped inside by himself. As soon as he was in the room, the door was closed behind him. All he could see, at first, was the sumptuousness of the wide place - large crafted pillars, polished marble floors, and intricate golden patterns all over the walls marveled his eyes. Quickly, he scanned his surroundings, finding several white and black sofas, bean bags, and armchairs scattered about the room. The tall windows were protected by velvety crimson curtains that kept the room protected from exterior attention.  

There was soft but sensuous music playing, some sort of slow jazz that was pleasant to the ear.

Small round tables were strategically placed close to the seating areas, each of them adorned with a vase of exotic flowers and large crystal bowls – some filled with what looked like a variety of neatly arranged packs of cigarettes and cigars, others with what was obvious to Sasuke to be several types of individual condoms and similar square packs of lube. On the wall to the right, Sasuke could see a classical wooden bar with leathered high stools and a finely dressed bartender that was wearing a simple black mask that covered his eye area. Not too far from that, pressed to the same wall, a huge table was filled with all types of food: from fruit to seafood, to caviar, to fancy desserts and small appetizers, all in abundance and presented with pomp and impeccable taste.

On the other extremity of the room across from the entrance, Sasuke could see an archway that led to what looked like a corridor, but the lights were turned off, so he couldn’t see anything from his spot. Over the arch, painted in fancy black letters ‘Themed Rooms’ had been written.

He could spot several cameras strategically placed in corners of the ceiling, and this would’ve made him feel queasy if not for the fact that he had spotted four large men finely dressed in suits who were some type of security guard. Well, that was… relieving and gave him a strange sense of safety, but also weird. Would sexual scenarios occur in that place, in the presence of those men, and in front of those (security) cameras? It didn’t seem likely, but anything was possible, and for the club to be this classy, surely it was more than a little successful.

It all seemed strangely glamorous and suspiciously harmless so far, but the ‘Themed Rooms’, and the condoms and lube so casually spread about made Sasuke feel self-conscious and alert.

Sasuke took a sharp breath and finally glanced around the room at its occupants to find that most of the people there were, indeed, a lot older than him, maybe from their thirties to their fifties. Women were dressed and styled beautifully, with formal dresses that complimented their figures (some rather revealing on the chest area or with very short skirts) while men wore mostly expensive-looking suits or formal attire of the sort. Everyone was wearing masks over their visages, some more elaborate, others simpler. Every single one of the room’s occupants was attractive from what he could see, and from Sasuke’s assessment, filthy rich, as well.

Some people had crystal glasses in their hands and there were several duos or groups already formed, apparently lost in perfectly normal conversation. Still, everyone’s eyes were on him, some curious, some interested, others evaluating, and others immediately lustful.

Sasuke swallowed hard. He had always thought that he knew how to deal with people’s interest in his physical appearance, and yet, he wasn’t prepared at all for the sudden tension that rose from all around him. It wasn’t something he could explain, but regardless of how ‘normal’ the stance was of the people in there, he could feel a highly sexual aura that he couldn’t escape no matter what. He couldn’t even say that it was his imagination because he had luscious, devious smiles thrown his way and predatory glances watching his every move and every single contour of his body shamelessly.

But he wanted no part in any of this, so he tried his best to not let his restlessness show by putting on an impassive, cold face. Regardless of other people’s obvious interest, he had to keep an air of nonchalance so as not to give off the wrong vibe – he was just watching, nothing else, and others should understand it.

Shoving a hand inside the pocket of his trousers, he casually made his way to the bar, being forced to walk amongst the group of people and pretend that he hadn’t seen the captivating smiles and the head-to-toe glances he received begging for attention. He could hear a soft buzzing of people whispering flattering things about him that, surely, were meant to be heard, but he paid them no mind, neither did he bother to do anything to acknowledge it. He steadily kept reminding himself to look ahead and not give these people the wrong impression. Although, if most of them were regulars, they certainly knew that he was a new face.

He wondered if Naruto would receive this kind of attention, as well. He certainly hoped not, but Naruto was a rather good-looking individual as well, and very alluring. He also looked very attractive tonight, and while the thought made Sasuke’s heart race, this also made him feel even more on edge.

He made sure to grab a pack of cigarettes on his way, and by the time he reached the bar, he felt like he was about to throw his heart up despite his impassive expression.

Sitting down on one of the high stools, Sasuke was more than glad that there was no one else there.

“Good evening.” The young bartender had to be about Sasuke’s age - tall, with brown eyes and hair, and a pleasant smile that was very friendly.

Clearing his throat, Sasuke tried to keep his voice collected. “Good evening,” he greeted back, unwrapping the plastic from around the pack of smokes. “I’ll have whiskey on the rocks. Make it double.”

He needed something strong to calm his nerves, otherwise, he’d probably have a heart attack before the night was over. Fuck, he couldn’t wait to have Naruto there.

“Certainly,” the bartender said politely, immediately grabbing a napkin and a glass that he set upon it before pouring what Sasuke knew to be expensive whiskey inside. He added three ice cubes to it and pushed the beverage towards him as Sasuke brought a cigarette to his lips. The man grabbed the plastic wrapping Sasuke had left over the counter and made it disappear behind it. Before Sasuke could even remember that he didn’t have a lighter on himself, a small flame appeared in front of him, courtesy of the bartender, and Sasuke leaned forward to light his cigarette.

“Thank you,” he said, expelling the smoke, to which the other man nodded.

“You’re new here, aren’t you?” the man asked delicately with a gentle smile, putting the lighter over the counter next to Sasuke’s glass. “Your face isn’t familiar.”

“I’m just checking the club out,” Sasuke said shortly, picking up his glass and taking a small sip. Damn, it was strong. “But yes, it’s my first time here.”

“I thought so. We don’t usually have people this young unless it’s some of the employees,” the man explained, tilting his head slightly to the side with curiosity. “Single?”

“You can say that,” Sasuke replied, taking another sip of his whiskey and making a face at the taste.

“Wow, you’re bold,” the man said, with a small laugh. “You’re fresh meat. They’ll be sniffing around you like dogs unless you find someone to spend the night with and fast.”

Sasuke tensed slightly once more as his eyebrows rose inquisitively. He set his glass down. “I’m only here for voyeuristic purposes,” he explained curtly. “No one told me I’d be harassed.”

“Well, of course, no one will force you to do anything you don’t want to if all you want to do is watch,” the other male explained, with a soothing gesture of his hand. “But if you’re alone like this, and a good-looking fella like yourself at that, people will want to take you out of your comfort zone all the same. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but all eyes are on you right now.”

Of course, Sasuke could feel it. The general energy of the room was charged with all sorts of feelings and cravings coming from the people there, no matter how deceivingly formal it all looked at first glance. Even with his back turned to the room, Sasuke could sense that everybody seemed to be emanating tension, energy, and the simple desire to do something, crawl out of their skins and out of their daily lives. He didn’t need to know this environment to realize this, it was obvious. Filthy rich people, famous people… all of them just filled with dark needs that they needed to unleash.

Sasuke had expected to see people fucking already, but he had been wrong. Maybe there was a specific time for when the ‘party’ started, but despite everything, people looked relaxed and in the mood to enjoy the night at a slow pace.

“I’ve got my back turned, so no, I haven’t,” Sasuke smirked at his own words and took a drag on his cigarette. “I have no interest in giving people false hopes.”

The bartender eyed him for a while, assessing him. Sasuke could feel the interest emanating from him from the way his eyes roamed over his features and little details of his body, but his stance was very casual and professional, and for some reason, this made him feel at ease.

“So, you don’t take part in this?” Sasuke asked, more to keep from thinking about this situation than out of any genuine curiosity.

“I’m just a humble bartender, not allowed to engage with the customers,” the man replied easily, smirking slightly in an almost sensuous way. “I’m happy enough to watch, but I’d be lying if I said it isn’t hard. Although, the money makes up for it. ”

Sasuke opened his mouth to comment, but at that precise moment, he felt a presence approaching. Looking to the side, he noticed that a woman had just reached the bar, and her sparkling green eyes were very much glued to him.

She came to a stop close to Sasuke. “I will have a glass of the usual, please,” she said smoothly, her gaze never leaving Sasuke.

“Of course,” the bartender said.

Sasuke found himself watching the woman with renewed tenseness and a bit of awe. She was probably in her mid-thirties, with long lustrous brown hair and a long dark blue dress that had a rather revealing cleavage considering how… voluptuous her breasts were – and those were some perfect breasts, he had to admit. She was very curvy in all the right places, and her teeth were very white and perfect behind the vivid red lipstick on her seductive smiling lips. Her mask was one made of lustrous feathers imitating a peacock’s, and very complimentary to her eyes.

The woman was very attractive, Sasuke considered, with a quick appreciative glance. Not that he was interested or felt sexually drawn to her, but there was no doubt that she had a certain presence to her. She reminded him of someone, maybe someone he had seen on TV.

“Good evening,” she greeted easily, sliding her hand casually over the counter almost as if caressing it.

“Good evening,” Sasuke greeted back casually before taking another drag on his cigarette.

“Do you mind if I join you?” she asked politely.

“No, not at all,” Sasuke said, gesturing towards the stool next to him in the same polite way. He didn’t feel like making small talk with someone who was there for a reason, but he considered that he had no reason to be rude either.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around,” the woman said, elegantly sitting on the stool he indicated and smiling pleasantly at him. “I know I wouldn’t forget a face like yours. Are you a new employee? “

“No, I’m just a visitor.”

“Ah, I see.” Her smile became a little mysterious, seductive even.“And you came all by yourself? How brave.”

“I’ve already been told something similar.”

The bartender was already preparing some sort of drink for the lady. Since she had asked for ‘the usual’ Sasuke guessed she was one of the regulars.

“I often come by myself, as well,” she said, placing her cheek over her finely manicured hand and eyeing him. “It allows me to be more relaxed and interact more freely. I do come with my husband sometimes, but he gets bored easily.”

“It seems impossible for anyone to feel bored in such a place,” Sasuke commented, before taking a sip of his whiskey.

“Well, few women can compete against this, honey,” she said, with a small, but confident chuckle.

“I don’t doubt that at all,” Sasuke said truthfully. The woman truly was a beauty, and to be into this sort of thing, she had to be a handful.

The bartender (who was strangely silent now), placed a colorful cocktail beverage in front of the woman, whom she thanked with a glamorous smile before turning her face back to Sasuke.

“How handsome you are,” she complimented, her voice lowering to a tone that surely was supposed to be enticing, picking up her cocktail. “You have such a good-looking face. I bet at least 70% of this room’s occupants would love to get a hold of you. But you seem so nonchalant, immediately isolating yourself. I suppose that adds to the appeal.”

“I’m just watching out of curiosity,” Sasuke said, with a shrug, taking another puff in his cigarette as she took a sip in her drink. “I have no intention of doing anything unless something catches my eye.”

The woman laughed delicately at his lie.

“You don’t need to be shy, this is a place for us to find ourselves and be free, without restraints or judgment. We’re all here to help each other and take care of each other.”

Sasuke offered her a smile. “Yes, I suppose you’re right,” he agreed. “Still, I doubt anyone here is completely free of inhibitions?”

“It depends,” she said, with a sigh. Her green eyes watched him with a renewed gleam in them, traveling over his features and down his body. It made him feel oddly tense, but he tried not to show it. “So… are you looking for something in particular? Something I can help with?”

Ah, so she was going to try and make a move, Sasuke thought. It was rather amusing, but also relieving that she had used such a subtle and polite approach.

“You are a very beautiful woman,” Sasuke said truthfully, smiling at her. “And I appreciate the offer, but as I said, I’m just watching for now.”

She bit on her lower lip, disappointment washing over her features.

“I understand,” she said, with a defeated, but very well-mannered huff. She ran her fingers through her long hair in a provocative way that, Sasuke was sure, was very capable of bringing men to her feet. “Not many men are so quick to dismiss me. Perhaps I’m not exactly your type?”

“Perhaps,” Sasuke confirmed.

“Such a shame,” she said, her eyes narrowing at him as if telling him that he was missing out on something good. Sasuke thought so too, but that was only because his lover wasn’t there yet and he wished that they’d be enjoying this experience together.

She downed her cocktail all in one go at the same time that one of the huge doors creaked open, and both Sasuke and the woman, as well as the bartender, looked over their shoulders to see who was coming. Sasuke’s heart sped up as he spotted blond locks and a well-kept figure.

Immediately, all eyes were on Naruto, and Sasuke could see that this made him feel uncomfortable, even though he grinned stupidly at a few people and seemed to be greeting them as he awkwardly walked inside the room. Sasuke snorted, unable to hold himself back.

“Oh, look! Another newcomer,” the woman beside Sasuke said, sounding surprised. “He looks rather attractive, doesn’t he?”

Naruto’s startling blue eyes scanned the place avidly and eventually fell on Sasuke, relief, and questioning appearing in them. They shared a look for a few seconds during which Sasuke held his breath because he just wanted to call Naruto over but knew that he shouldn’t.

A low sound that resembled a feminine moan echoed through the room, and both Sasuke’s and Naruto’s eyes moved towards the sound. That’s when Sasuke realized that on a not-so-distant sofa, two very good-looking women seemed to be making out while slowly stripping each other. Before scanning the room again, Sasuke spotted a bit of shock flashing through Naruto’s face. Two women in their forties approached him then, distracting him from what he had seen, and started some random conversation with him.

Sasuke’s mouth felt dry as he looked away from his lover to watch the several events slowly unfolding in the room. Since he had his back turned, he hadn’t realized that things were developing rather fast around him, but the scenario was changing at an alarming pace. Against a nearby wall, a couple still with their clothes on seemed to be engaging in some serious kissing and groping session. Here and there, more meaningful and teasing touches could be seen, and there was even a group of four people (two men and two women) who seemed to be very touchy-feely among themselves. One of the men already had his hand up one of the women’s skirts.

Naruto’s going to freak out if he’s alone there with all that stuff happening around him, Sasuke thought, feeling his chest tight.

“Please, another round of the same for the lady,” he asked the bartender, looking at Naruto fixedly in hopes that he would look back again, so that he could, somehow, tell Naruto to come closer.

“What a gentleman,” the woman said, with a knowing smirk. “Would you look at that? For someone who is just watching, you certainly have taken an interest in our newcomer. I understand it now.”

“He’s young,” Sasuke said absently, still trying to catch Naruto’s attention, but he seemed to be laughing with the two women, even though he was blushing violently and looking a little bit out of himself.

“He definitely is, and quite charming, it seems,” Sasuke’s drinking companion said. “Not exactly my type, though. Looks too nice. Can I have one of your cigarettes?”

“Sure.” Sasuke slid the pack towards her automatically.

Look at me, Naruto…

It was odd how, suddenly, all sorts of lewd sounds seemed to be emerging. Sasuke had to swallow hard and take a sharp intake of breath. It wasn’t like he had an interest in getting involved with the people there, but he was still a man who liked sex very much, and the things he could hear and see were enough to fulfill any man’s deepest, darkest fantasies. It was impossible not to feel affected.

Naruto’s eyes finally met his and Sasuke tried to make dissimulated faces so that he’d come over. Sasuke didn’t want him to be approached by anyone else, least of all when things appeared to be heating up in the room. Naruto’s eyes were suddenly filled with happiness and longing.

“I think he’s taken a liking to you, too,” the woman pointed out, perceptively noticing the intense way Sasuke and Naruto were looking at each other. The bartender placed her brand new cocktail in front of her. “It seems like you won’t be staying in the ‘just watching’ field for long, gorgeous.”

“I don’t have any expectations, to be honest.”

Naruto said something to the women that made them look thoroughly crestfallen and started moving towards the bar. His eyes would shamelessly fall upon the groups of people who had hooked up already and he’d swallow hard. He looked positively flustered and uncomfortable, trying very hard to hide it, but failing miserably. Sasuke would have laughed if the environment didn’t make him feel so weird all of a sudden.

The door creaked again, and Sasuke noticed that Gaara was entering now. He spotted both him and Naruto rather easily, and once he was sure of their whereabouts, he swiftly made his way to a young couple standing near one of the tall windows. The woman immediately greeted him with an excited kiss on the mouth before Gaara could shake her husband’s hand with a small smirk.

Sasuke’s eyebrows rose and he looked back at Naruto again who was quickly approaching him. He still couldn’t believe Gaara was into that sort of thing, and he was glad Naruto hadn’t seen it, otherwise, he’d freak out over his friend’s behavior.

“Isn’t that what we all said the first time we got here?” the woman beside him, teased, casually patting his arm. “Oh, look, our young suitor is coming this way! I’d better give you two some space. Don’t want our little blondy to think you’re taken.”

Sasuke looked at her a little confusedly to see her getting up from her stool and picking up her cocktail. She took a drag on the cigarette Sasuke hadn’t noticed her lighting and winked at him. “I’ll see you around, hot stuff.”

He watched her elegantly head towards the food table until he felt a presence on his other side. He turned on his stool slightly to see Naruto sitting beside him, and despite himself, Sasuke couldn’t help but reciprocate the already huge smile he was receiving.

“Hi,” Naruto said, as casually as he could.

“Hello,” Sasuke replied a little cockishly as he smashed his cigarette on the ashtray in front of him. He couldn’t help but feel immensely relieved and excited that he and Naruto had finally reunited, even if they did have to play the part that they were strangers for a little while. Their obvious desire to be together had already given something away, he supposed, but considering the place, it was alright if they simply looked like two people who got instantly attracted to each other at first sight. He wasn’t knowledgeable about these things, but he supposed it wasn’t unusual.

“What will you be wanting, sir?” the bartender asked Naruto, and Sasuke felt him looking between the two of them with slight curiosity since they were smiling and staring at each other quite intensely.

Naruto was the one who looked away first, so he could face the bartender. “I guess… Do you have wine or something?”

“Red, white, rosé...?”

“White’s fine,” Naruto said, with a shrug, clearly out of his comfort zone as far as fancy beverages went.

“Since everything is for free, you should at least enjoy something more expensive,” Sasuke pointed out, picking up his glass of whiskey and taking another sip.

“I’m sure the wine here is expensive enough,” Naruto said with a grin, as a fancy glass of clearly fine white wine was placed in front of him. He looked at the bartender. “Thank you.”

Naruto sent Sasuke a sideways glance while he sipped the wine with a far too loud slurp that made Sasuke snort but try his best to stifle his laughter.

“So…” Naruto muttered, basically slamming the glass down on the counter. “Good environment, right?”

“Sure,” Sasuke agreed, at the same time that a series of rather incoherent moans could be heard over the music. Naruto bit on his lower lip as Sasuke cleared his throat and pretended like he couldn’t hear them. “You don’t seem very comfortable, though.”

“Neither do you,” Naruto pointed out, with a mischievous face.

“Well, I didn’t exactly come here to participate,” Sasuke said, lifting an eyebrow at him.

“Really?” Naruto inquired, faking surprise. Still, Sasuke sure as hell didn’t miss the purposefully appreciative glance from head to toe that those blue eyes offered him. “Me neither. I was just curious to see how things were here and it seems…” All sorts of lewd noises were coming from behind them now, interrupting Naruto’s train of thought. He stopped himself and blushed quite deeply, probably because something nasty crossed his mind. “Ah… interesting, I suppose.”

“It appears that the festivities are starting,” the bartender said politely, and Sasuke wondered if it was his duty to just randomly inform his customers that the time for fucking had begun.

“Obviously,” Sasuke said to the young employee, who merely smirked at him.

“So… ah… it’s pretty hot in here isn’t it?”   Naruto said, fanning himself with his hand.  “I don’t know if it’s all this or if it’s because of you, to be honest.”

Sasuke smirked, even though Naruto’s words made his body feel incredibly hot too. “I’m not sure if I should feel flattered or laugh at the lame attempt at flirting.”

It was Naruto who laughed this time. “I’m okay with you experiencing both,” he said, with a rather enticing smile. “Being a charming weirdo is part of my sex appeal, you see.”

Well, Sasuke could attest to that.

“Sex appeal?” he teased, folding his arms over the counter and leaning towards his lover’s side so they were just close enough to be intimate but not enough to give away anything more than subtle flirting. “I thought you said you weren’t interested in getting involved in the festivities.”

“I didn’t expect to want to, actually,” Naruto muttered, also crossing his arms over the counter and twisting his body a bit so it was facing Sasuke’s. “But now I’m in such good company.”

Sasuke needed to take a moment to press his lips together and run his eyes over Naruto’s features. There must’ve been something in his stare, though, because Naruto’s seemed to gain a darker hue.

While the flirting was highly amusing (and the roleplay was sexy), Sasuke felt like they were maybe putting up a bit too much of a show for the young bartender in front of them - not that the man hadn’t seen his share of interesting events, surely.

“Why don’t we finish our drinks and then you can join me in taking a look around?” Sasuke asked, leaning away a bit and offering Naruto a meaningful smirk that had him pouting a little.

“Are we going to be watching other people fuck while we casually talk about the fine curtains?” He asked sarcastically, picking up his glass again. Sasuke shrugged.

“Well, small talk can be sexy too, if you know how to work it properly.”

This time, a snort came from behind the counter and both Sasuke and Naruto looked at the bartender, who was chuckling softly. “Oh don’t mind me,” he said, raising his hands apologetically. “I just think it’s the first time I’ve ever been turned on by such an awkward attempt at flirting between two guys, seriously.” As if suddenly noticing that he wasn’t exactly behaving like a proper luxury bartender, the man coughed with his fist in front of his mouth and became serious once more. “Forgive me, I probably shouldn’t have said that.”Despite himself, Sasuke made a dismissive gesture with his hand. “No harm done. I suppose since we’re all about the same age, it’s easy to feel comfortable in the middle of all these more mature people.”

The stranger nodded his head politely in silent gratitude.

“Anyway, I’m game for that tour with a dirty conversation about curtains included,” Naruto said jokingly, with a charming smile. “I’m sure we can find some mutual interests that suit both of our tastes.”

Sasuke picked his glass of whisky up, and with his eyes trained on Naruto, downed the rest of the beverage in one go. It only served to make him feel even hotter, but he didn’t care. Truthfully, as he watched Naruto finish the rest of his wine as well, Sasuke thought that he enjoyed this sort of heavy, teasing tension between them quite a lot. Even if it was hard to endure, least of all in such a place, where everyone and their mothers seemed to be fucking on the closest available surface.

Sasuke and Naruto both got up and thanked the bartender, who waved at them with an encouraging grin.

The scene around them had become something similar to a large pornographic movie orgy. Everywhere one could see people either making out wildly in the beginnings of foreplay or fully engaged in other activities: pairs, threesomes, groups… Sasuke didn’t think those people cared as long as they had what they came for. To his relief though, there were couples and single people merely watching from the sidelines as he and Naruto did, witnessing the events unfolding as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

He could feel Naruto gulping audibly when his eyes landed on the scene and fully took in what was happening around them.

Sasuke placed his hand intimately on Naruto’s lower back and leaned in to whisper in his ear. “Let’s check out the Themed Rooms,” he suggested, trying to keep his voice steady even though he had an odd sort of urge to sound seductive. Naruto shivered slightly at the contact and eyed him in a very intense, lustful way. However, he simply nodded.

“I hope it’s less suffocating than this,” he said in a huff, unbuttoning the first two buttons of his shirt as they made their way towards the archway. “I’m glad we’re together again, though.”

It turned out that what was there was worse.

The archway led to a red-lighted narrow corridor with small rooms on either side of it that had no doors - probably so other people could watch freely. Each room had a unique decoration (like victorian, Asian, Gothic, and others) depending either on the cultural themes or the sexual ones. Not every room was occupied, though, but the ones that were had people already engaging in interesting performances. Sasuke didn’t think that it was wrong to call it as such since, like he and Naruto were doing, a few people stood in the corridor to watch what captivated them the most. The themed rooms mostly contained either couples or groups doing some stuff that was mostly vanilla (still, Sasuke took notes on a few things), but the other ones that leaned more to the fetish side…

Sasuke couldn’t say that he knew a lot about these kinds of things. Sex, for him, had always been the regular type. He liked the good quality, diversified sex, and sure, he liked to try new things and considered himself very receptive to novelties. But there were things inside those rooms that he had never even considered to be possible.

The BDSM room was as hot as it was disturbing. There were two tables in the room, one with a man laying on his back on it, and another one with a woman, in the same position, both with their hands and feet chained, to each of the corners of their respective table. Sasuke could see everything from the entrance of the room. They were both blindfolded and sweating profusely. The man had a cock-ring on.

The fit, large man that was working on both (Sasuke wasn’t sure if he should call him a ‘Dom’) was wearing only leather pants and worked in complete silence. In shocked fascination, both Naruto and Sasuke watched as the forms of ‘torture’ went from using all sorts of masturbation devices on both, to a light flogging. The two people being submitted to the ministrations panted and sometimes grunted, but it was very obvious to Sasuke that they endured it well and were used to it. Also, they were clearly enjoying all of this - if it wasn’t for the cock ring, the man would be fully erect, while from between the woman’s shamelessly spread legs, slick moisture dripped to the table beneath her.

After a while, the spanking objects used turned increasingly more aggressive, and it was when Naruto saw the man picking up a set of long needles and carry them towards the woman that Naruto released a horrified ‘hell no!’ from under his breath and held on to Sasuke’s hand to pull him towards another room.

This was one where there was a small stage in the center where three metallic poles could be seen, two women and one man using one each. They weren’t professional dancers, Sasuke could tell, since they were dancing in their underwear, but probably club customers. It made no difference, it seemed since they knew enough to put up a show and were all considerably attractive and fit. There were a few chairs around the stage where a few people were sitting, watching with more than obvious interest. Some men were openly touching themselves. Naruto found this one to be boring, so they stuck around in hopes that they could calm down slightly, but it was impossible in such an environment where everyone seemed to be so obviously experiencing some form of pleasure.

Sasuke kept taking deep breaths through his nose, but he could feel himself tense more from minute to minute and his body became increasingly uncomfortable. He could feel the same vibe coming from Naruto, so he tried not to focus too much on his lover and how he wanted to simply grab Naruto and do something very shameful in the nearest available corner. There  seemed to be people everywhere, and there was no place that could be considered even remotely secluded enough from the eyes of others that they could use. Surely Naruto wouldn’t mind. After all, it wasn’t like they hadn’t used a lot of outdoor places to be more intimate before. But in front of people… that was a definite no.

They kept holding hands as they checked more rooms, their sweaty fingers intertwined. Sasuke was particularly interested in a threesome of two women and a man in a sort of hospital-like environment. The two women seemed to be very focused on using all sorts of medical devices to pleasure the guy and each other, and one of them was using a long, thin metallic instrument to fuck the guy’s cock. Now that was something Sasuke had never, ever entertained, but the guy seemed to love it, so Sasuke was torn between finding the scene incredibly hot or creepy as hell. Well, the fact that it got him curious about it certainly freaked him out a bit.

In another room they came across a small group of five people, three of them were men, but it was the two women that seemed to be the dominating ones. The room had shelves filled with properly sealed sex toys of all kinds. There was a round bed in the center where the group was in a mess of semi-naked bodies. One of the women, in gorgeous red lacy lingerie, was also wearing a strap-on, and to both his and Naruto’s surprise, she was currently thoroughly fucking a guy who was on all fours in front of her. Yet Another thing that had never crossed Sasuke’s mind but that was quite a sight for sore eyes. Naruto seemed to think so too, because they stuck around outside the room for a while, watching as the group switched among themselves randomly: guy with girl, girl with girl, and even guy with guy. The group seemed to be very dynamic, not picky with their partners at all, and they all seemed to like each other on some level. Maybe they were a group of very sexually open-minded friends. Either way, Sasuke enjoyed watching it immensely. It got his blood boiling in just a few minutes because the visual stimulation provided was high quality.

He wasn’t the kind of person who enjoyed watching porn since he thought that it was very theatrical and exaggerated, so it did nothing for him. He had, admittedly, been researching some guy-on-guy action lately in search of tips because of Naruto, but watching normal people fuck was without a doubt a whole new level of sexy, especially if they were visually good at it, and these people truly were.

He did find himself watching avidly whenever the two guys reached for each other, too. He had never found men-on-men sex appealing until he had craved for it with Naruto, and those two dudes brought all his wet fantasies to life. They even reversed roles, which had Sasuke’s pants becoming increasingly tighter.

And in all honesty, while he was enjoying himself, the more time passed, the more he was regretting being there in that insufferable environment because he was reaching a state where he could barely breathe. He didn’t even dare look at Naruto’s face in fear that he’d snap and lose his decency at what he saw there. Because he could feel, from the proximity of Naruto’s body next to his, that his boyfriend was as worked up as he was. His hand clenched Naruto’s emphatically, whose fingers were stiff but restless around his. Yes, this was very entertaining, but it had been a terrible idea.

He was sort of thankful that Naruto had decided to silently pull him out of the corridor and back to the main room, where it was slightly airier, but where things weren’t exactly looking a lot better. It looked like something taken out of ‘Shortbus’, Sasuke thought, feeling his lungs constricted with arousal. There were naked bodies everywhere he looked, especially in the center of the room, because the few watchers were sitting further away from the chaos, socializing at the bar, eating, or leaning up against walls. The sounds of bodies having sex and people moaning and groaning and cursing were deafening to the point where they drowned out the music. It was no surprise that Sasuke’s mouth ran dry.

Naruto released a frustrated, pitiful, moan that sounded pained. Then, he ran a hand through his blond locks and ruffled them violently as he frantically looked around. Sasuke eyed him hesitantly, wondering if he was alright. Naruto’s face suddenly turned towards Sasuke, vivid blue eyes bright and fierce behind his black mask. The expression in them had Sasuke swallowing hard. Fuck, Naruto looked very appealing.

“Come on,” Naruto said, brusquely pulling at a confused Sasuke’s hand and leading him towards one of the covered windows. Sasuke had absolutely no idea what he was planning until Naruto pushed one of the thick curtains aside and shoved Sasuke unceremoniously behind it until they were both hiding behind the heavy velvety fabric. Sasuke looked over his shoulder and he could see the street outside from the tall window behind him, but there was nothing there but the cars of the club members and the decorative sculptures. It was considerably darker behind the curtain than it was in the room, too.

He was only slightly taken by surprise when hands pulled him roughly by the waist and a mouth collided with his hungrily.

Thank god, was all he thought, torn between relief and excitement, as his arms came around Naruto’s neck and he parted his mouth further to allow his lover's lips to devour his. He felt himself being pushed back until his lower back connected with the windowsill which made him lose balance slightly.

His back hit the glass behind him just as Naruto’s chest collided with his. Sasuke’s mind could barely process what was happening as Naruto’s hands ran over his sides, strong and possessive before grabbing for his ass to pull him ever closer. If Sasuke had thought that he was tense and on edge before, all these things seemed to become a hundred times worse when he felt the very hard, very obvious erection of his boyfriend along with a burning body desperately pressed flush against his. He felt his lust spiraling out of control, making him feel dizzy and incapable of doing anything that wasn’t grabbing the hairs at the back of Naruto’s head in his hands and kissing his lover as deeply as humanly possible.

He was only vaguely capable of wondering if Naruto wanted them to fuck right there or if they were just going to keep making out like this without doing anything because if the second one happened, he was positive that he’d go crazy.

While a part of him desperately wanted something to happen right now, another part of him told him that this was not how he had imagined their first time to be, not to mention that it wasn’t how it should go at all - hidden behind curtains and standing against a window. A part of him knew that Naruto shared his feelings, but maybe they were just too horny to think straight.

But it was then that he felt Naruto shifting slightly, one hand moving to grab for the back of Sasuke’s thigh and unceremoniously pulling it up so could shove a leg between his, and somehow, this new opening managed to bring their groins even closer together. They both gasped erotically against each other rather loudly before Naruto urgently began to rock his hips roughly against Sasuke’s in the most amazingly welcomed friction he could’ve possibly called for at that moment. Their mouths parted with a noisy wet sound.

“Holy shit, Naruto…” Sasuke breathed out shakily as Naruto mouthed his neck wetly as if he couldn’t bear to have a single part of himself not glued to Sasuke’s, somehow.

If that was Naruto’s idea, then Sasuke was all for it. This was fine, for now, because he didn’t think he could take it anymore.

Holding Naruto tight, Sasuke put his leg around his waist and tried as he could to move his hips to meet Naruto’s for more contact, thirsty for more friction as they quickly thrust against each other with everything they had, both needing the impending release that would soon come. He was burning all over and his heartbeat thumped in his ears.

Sasuke hissed as pleasure made his lower regions thrum with arousal as Naruto moaned loudly in his ear, but Sasuke honestly doubted that they were being any louder than the people around them, anyway. Not that he cared at this point, with the adrenaline running fast in his veins and the sheer perfection of their heated contact. The only way that this situation could be any hotter for him was if they were both naked with their leaking cocks rubbing against each other in a more comfortable place. The thought alone made his heart beat even faster and caused him to grunt and seek Naruto’s mouth again so they could completely consume each other. Their tongues slid over each other repeatedly in lewd and rather clumsy slurps while the tension kept building inside them, burning hot and making wave after wave of pleasure carry their bodies further towards the edge of ecstasy. Their movements were harsh, vicious, and hungry, exactly how they both liked it, and more importantly, how they needed it at this particular moment.

Their muscles became tense with their approaching climax. Sasuke felt like he was so close he could barely control the way he moved anymore or the ridiculous sounds that left his throat. On cue, Naruto’s thrusts became erratic. He pressed their bodies closer together. Sasuke’s lips remained open as his mouth ceased functioning, his brain foggy with lust.

He struggled to breathe but all he could do was pant as a choked moan escaped him. He felt Naruto’s tongue entering his mouth sensuously and sliding over his. Naruto breathed out Sasuke’s name, gently but desperately before taking Sasuke’s lower lip between his teeth. Sasuke’s fingernails scratched the back of Naruto’s head. Naruto’s hands tightened in his body, hugging him impossibly close. The intensity of it was all it took to undo Sasuke completely and he took a sharp intake of breath before feeling himself pulse against the heavenly hard cock rubbing up against him. He could feel his cum making a mess inside his underwear (he’d hate it in a few minutes) but it felt so good he just wanted the feeling to last forever. Against him, Naruto’s body shook and he exhaled, venturing a few final uncoordinated thrusts of his hips before he, too, came.

They didn’t move for what seemed like hours. It took a while for the both of them to settle down enough to come back to earth, where the loud sounds of the party around them reminded them where they were and that they were still hidden behind a curtain where they had just rubbed up against each other like animals in heat as if the world was about to end.

While Sasuke felt more relieved and content, there was no way that he felt completely satiated. Maybe it was because he’d been craving for more of Naruto for a long time now, maybe it was because there was no escaping the effect that the room had. Regardless, Sasuke wanted more and he didn’t feel calm at all. He wanted out of there. He wanted to be alone with Naruto so they could be free to do whatever the fuck they wanted, together.

Sasuke swallowed hard while Naruto leaned away slightly so they could look at each other behind their masks. Naruto’s eyes avidly traveled over his features, bright and almost feverish. He licked at his own lips, clearly still as agitated as Sasuke himself felt.

Sasuke’s hands moved to cup Naruto’s cheeks and caress them with his thumbs. Slowly, he leaned forward to press his mouth to his lover’s. He could swear their thoughts were connected.

“I don’t know about you, but I think I’ve seen enough,” Sasuke whispered shakily, their noses touching.

With a relieved sigh, Naruto nodded. “I want to take you back to my place,” he muttered, one hand invitingly traveling up and down Sasuke’s back in a rather possessive way. “You have no idea what I’d do to you right now if I could have you in my bed.”

No, Sasuke thought, his head spinning with longing. He wasn’t satisfied at all.

“Then let’s just fucking go, Naruto.”

TBC...

Chapter Text

It's Not Fair

Chapter 20: Upside Down

The hard part about leaving the party was letting Gaara know. By the time they reached him, he was already engaged in a rather feral fuckfest with his assigned couple and (to Sasuke’s surprise) had been joined by the gorgeous woman that Sasuke had met earlier at the bar.

Naruto had been so uncomfortable with what his friend was doing that he had to look away while Sasuke was the one who tried to catch Gaara’s attention as the man fucked the husband. The two women seemed to be pleasing each other in the meanwhile - not that Sasuke was paying attention or anything - and putting on quite a show for eager watchers.

Gaara was eventually able to look up from what he was doing and nod at Sasuke, who immediately grabbed Naruto’s wrist so he could drag him out of that place, finally.

They exited the stuffy room together, and in the hall, behind the counter, only Kabuto could be seen. Sasuke and Naruto gave him their golden cards, and in exchange, they received their belongings. Sasuke’s, though, came accompanied by a fancy business club card and a phone number written down on it in elegant handwriting.

“Our host has taken an interest in you,” Kabuto explained to Sasuke, with a rather dry and cynical smile. “He wishes for you to contact him if you ever entertain the thought of working with us. I believe he might have several propositions for you to choose from, not necessarily related to what’s happening in there at the moment.”

Sasuke was a little surprised, but thanked the man nonetheless, and shoved the card inside his wallet. He doubted he’d ever feel the need to pursue such a line of work, but one never knew. Especially if there were job offers unrelated to pleasing strangers sexually.

Right now, though, he was more interested in getting out of there and getting to Naruto’s place. They were feeling impatient to be alone together, both still in good spirits, so they left the mansion hand in hand with their fingers intertwined while laughing. Naruto found it highly amusing that Orochimaru had taken an interest in Sasuke.

Getting the masks off was a relief, and as soon as they got safely inside Naruto’s Ford, Sasuke wasted no time in turning to his boyfriend and pulling him roughly by the collar so they could kiss. Maybe it wasn’t exactly a good idea to get his lover worked up since he’d be driving, but Sasuke was too excited to care, and far too inebriated by Naruto’s presence and the prospect of the great things the night had in store for them.

He wanted Naruto’s bed and the privacy of that cozy room where they could be completely alone and do what they had been wanting to do for a long time now.

Sasuke didn’t even think about how things would go, it just didn’t bother him. As he kissed Naruto deeply, their tongues slid over each other sensually causing Naruto to release a small gasp of pleasure. As Naruto’s hand slowly slid through the hairs at the back of Sasuke’s neck, all Sasuke thought about was how much he needed the man and how simply happy he was feeling. It still baffled him how his life seemed so much more meaningful and fulfilled because he had met Naruto.

The certainty Sasuke felt within himself at that moment left no room for nervousness or hesitation. Nothing else mattered in his world except for the way Naruto’s warm hands now cupped his face and the way those perfect lips fit against his. It was the sort of simple, encompassing bliss that filled him.

Unexpectedly, Sasuke felt his mobile phone vibrating and he jumped slightly at the same time as Naruto groaned in frustration against his mouth. Sasuke broke the kiss by leaning away so he could haphazardly search for the phone inside the pocket of his blazer, a little out of breath.

Naruto leaned back against his seat with a loud huff just as Sasuke looked down at his mobile phone. The name displayed on the screen was more than a little surprising.

His eyebrows rose. Suigetsu?

On reflection, he picked up the call. “Hello?”

“Sasuke, what the fuck, I’ve called you a million times already!” From the other side, Suigetsu’s voice sounded furious and took Sasuke by surprise, and instantly annoyed the hell out of him. It wasn’t that he disliked the guy, he simply had a way of speaking that sometimes got on his nerves, and right now, he was interrupting something good.

“It’s on vibrating mode, I just happened to check it out now,” Sasuke said irritably. “What do you want?”

“It’s not what I want, asshole,” Suigetsu hissed. “Your wife has been trying to contact you for hours and you wouldn’t pick up the damned phone. You forgot your fucking wedding anniversary!”

It was as if the whole world had stopped in the space of a second, Sasuke’s heart along with it. His grip on his phone went so lax he almost dropped it.

Sasuke had never forgotten his wedding anniversary or any sort of anniversary. It wasn’t like he enjoyed celebrating it either (he had always felt like it was rather pointless), but he had always been careful enough to do something for Karin to show that he cared and remembered, ever since they were dating.

But this year, he had simply… forgotten. Just like that. It hadn’t even crossed his mind, he had been so excited about spending time with Naruto. That’s why Karin had been so upset lately, he realized, swallowing down the lump of guilt that had formed inside his throat.

“How…”

“She called me because she was really upset,” Suigetsu said, loudly as if he was scolding a dumb child. “She thought you were planning some kind of surprise, but you didn’t show up and wouldn’t even pick up the phone, so she asked me if she could come over to my place. She’s a fucking mess, Sasuke, she’s been drinking and crying all night and now she’s puking her guts out.”

Sasuke bit down on his lower lip, bringing a hand to his eyes and rubbing at them. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Suigetsu,” was all he could say, unsure of what else, exactly, there was to say.

“You should apologize to her, not me,” Suigetsu grunted. “I don’t mind taking care of her, but I don’t like seeing her like this, man. She was sprouting out shit I didn’t even understand, but it pisses me off. You better come and pick her up right now before I call her parents and tell on your ass. This is not cool, Sasuke! You could’ve at least kept your mobile phone with you!”

“Yeah, I know…” Sasuke said hurriedly, looking up at Naruto, who was watching him with his eyebrows curled upwards. “I’ll fix it, okay? I just forgot and I didn’t think anyone would call, so just… watch over her and I’ll be there in a bit.”

“Of course, I’ll fucking watch over her,” Suigetsu contended, irritably. “Someone has to, right?”

The line went dead as Suigetsu unceremoniously hung up.

Naruto snorted. “Oh, wait, don’t tell me,” he interjected as Sasuke lowered the phone, with a cool sarcasm in his voice that Sasuke wasn’t ready for at all. “You fucked up.”

Sasuke bit on his lower lip harder. He didn’t even know how to explain it to Naruto, or how to even begin apologizing for their ruined mood and ruined night because it was all his fault. He felt guilty because of it, and guilty for knowing that he had abandoned his wife on an important day without even saying a word to her, and yet, he knew that Naruto would be angrier on Karin’s behalf than anything else when he heard the story.

Sasuke didn’t even know how to begin apologizing.

“Just… don’t say anything,” Naruto sighed, guessing his thoughts. He ran his fingers through his hair and made an angry sound with the back of his throat.

“I have to get to Suigetsu’s place,” Sasuke muttered, tense and unsure of what he should do. He hated that look on Naruto’s face - of anger and genuine disappointment. He didn’t know how to deal with it at all. “I don’t want to be a bother to you. You can just drop me off somewhere, and I…”

“Shut up,” Naruto said through clenched teeth, turning the key in the ignition and starting the engine. He furiously put his seatbelt on. “As if I’d ever do something like that. I’ll never abandon you in a time of need, nor people who are important to you. Just tell me where to go. The night’s fucking ruined anyway.”

Hesitantly, Sasuke put his seatbelt on, an impending fear assaulting him. This particular feeling wasn’t new to him, but it had never hit him quite like this before. Truthfully, he had always been careful, so he hadn’t ever fucked up before. But knowing he had affected both Naruto and Karin in one single blow made it all the worse.

Somehow, it felt like he had unexpectedly reached a wall. And the feeling of foreboding he had told him he would soon reach a point of no return.

000

Suigetsu lived in a small building in a rather suspicious neighborhood, so Naruto had a bit of a hard time parking his car since every street was ridiculously narrow. They hadn’t spoken at all during the ride to Suigetsu’s place, but when Naruto asked Sasuke if he wanted him to come, Sasuke didn’t even think twice about accepting because his mind was running fast with all kinds of thoughts that he couldn’t process at the moment. He was filled with worry and consumed by a nagging feeling of restlessness towards things to come that he knew he’d have to face soon. Karin was breaking down and he hadn’t even noticed it. Aloof and cold as he might seem most of the time, if there was one thing he had always done was take care of his wife and attend to her immediate needs. He had always been attentive and caring, and he thought that he was still doing his job right, but apparently not. And it ate at him because Karin wasn’t to blame.

Worst of all, now he had failed Naruto as well.

Despite the overall decadent look of the building, Suigetsu’s apartment was small, yet clean and tastefully decorated despite the man’s seemingly laid-back attitude. Karin’s best friend always carried a nasty, playful smirk on his lips, and yet, when he opened the door for Sasuke and Naruto, he was scowling reproachfully and there was a dark look in his usually light gray eyes.

“About damned time you got here,” was his greeting, as he stepped aside to let Sasuke in. He noticed Naruto was right behind him. “And who the fuck is this?”

“I’m Naruto; I’m friends with Sasuke,” Naruto said with a small smile, extending his hand towards Suigetsu, who simply eyed it.

“It was your Godfather’s birthday today, right?” Suigetsu, asked unceremoniously.

Naruto exchanged a glance with Sasuke, who only pursed his lips together. He hadn’t exactly shared with Naruto what kind of lie he had told Karin to cover up for their night at the Swingers’ Club. “Yeah, that’s right,” Naruto muttered, with a small nod, retracting his hand since Suigetsu didn’t seem inclined to shake it. “I had no idea it would upset Karin this much, because if I did...”

“That’s some fancy clothes you’re wearing for a family birthday,” Suigetsu pointed out mercilessly. His eyes narrowed at Naruto. “Whatever; just get in here,” Suigetsu dismissed when Sasuke opened his mouth, cutting him off, motioning Naruto inside the apartment, and closing the door behind him with unnecessary force. He turned to Sasuke, still looking pissed off. “She passed out on my bed. She got herself drunk despite my warnings and puked all over the place, but now she’s stable.”

“I’m really sorry you had to deal with this, Suigetsu,” Sasuke apologized firmly, keeping his stance straight and confident even though Suigetsu’s assessing eyes made his heart beat fast.

It was clear to him that Suigetsu was very angry, but there was also suspicion in his eyes. Sasuke had no idea what Karin had told him, but Suigetsu wasn’t stupid, and he was smelling something fishy. Not that they had been particularly sensible in going straight there with their fancy clothes on (that were still a little unkempt from their earlier vicious frotting). Sasuke had no idea what he looked like, but he admitted that it was his fault for leaving room for speculation. Either way, no matter what kind of thoughts might run through Suigetsu’s head, he doubted the guy would ever suspect him and Naruto being together.

“You already apologized,” Suigetsu snapped, crossing his arms over his chest. “It doesn’t mean a fucking thing unless you can make it right with her, though.”

Sasuke felt Naruto fidgeting in obvious discomfort, but couldn’t for the life of him look at his lover to offer reassurance that he didn’t feel himself.

Without another word, he made his way to Suigetsu’s room down the hall, knowing the apartment well enough already. He found the room dark and Karin lying on the king-sized bed, sprawled on her back with arms and legs spread wide while snoring softly. Her hair was a loose mess all over the pillows. Suigetsu had helped her put on some clean clothes because she seemed to be wearing a t-shirt that wasn’t hers. Guilt swallowed Sasuke whole as he realized he wasn’t bothered by the fact that Suigetsu had undressed his wife, even if not with an indecent purpose.

He bit on his lower lip, before clenching his fists at his sides. He was so pissed off and frustrated at himself. This situation was completely unnecessary if only he had dealt with things already. Karin didn’t deserve this, and neither did Naruto, but here they were. Once again, Sasuke had managed to hurt Naruto, and this time, Karin as well.

He should’ve been more careful.

Heaving a tired sigh, Sasuke made his way around the bed so he was standing next to it. He picked up Karin’s glasses from the nightstand and carefully shoved them inside the pocket of his pants. A blanket had been thrown over Karin’s body, so Sasuke gently pushed it aside. His wife was dead weight as he picked her up with effort in his arms, bridal style. She made slurred complaining noises and moaned his name but didn’t seem to fully wake up, something for which Sasuke was grateful. Her head was lolling against his shoulder as he carried her out of the room, the distinct smell of alcohol and vomit on her breath forcing him to swallow hard in revulsion and pity. Everything seemed so far-fetched, so exaggerated. But then again, maybe he was the only one who was underestimating everything.

Suigetsu and Naruto were looking at him as he carried Karin down the hall. Karin’s colorful purse was already dangling from Naruto’s shoulder.

“We’re leaving,” Sasuke said in a low voice. “Thank you for taking care of her, Suigetsu.”

The man frowned at him heavily before looking down at Karin. He pursed his lips together and reached out a hand to brush a knuckle over her forehead. The gesture was simple and caring, and Sasuke really couldn’t find the heart to be upset when he knew very well that Suigetsu had been in love with Karin for years and remained her best friend even though she had chosen Sasuke instead. Suigetsu was, without a doubt, a good friend of hers regardless of Sasuke’s feelings for him.

In a way, it hurt Sasuke to see someone else’s love for her because he couldn’t help the thought that Karin would’ve been better off with Suigetsu instead of marrying him. A few months ago he would’ve never entertained the idea.

“Look man, I know couples have ups and downs, and routine can sort of suck since you guys barely have time together,” Suigetsu said, looking up at Sasuke again with something akin to genuine concern and reproach in his clear eyes. “I understand that, eventually, important events will start to lose relevance and that romance can’t be around 24/7. But people have to make it work, you know? You get married to someone because you feel like you want it to be forever. That’s something that demands commitment and constant work, effort.”

Sasuke could only look back at him, trying to keep his features impassive, but the speech both annoyed and upset him. He didn't need the man who was in love with his wife of all people to tell him such things. And yet, there he was, trying to lecture Sasuke into being better for Karin.

“I know that.” He felt like excusing himself further for some reason, but his pride stopped him.

“I just don’t want to see her like this again because your head’s in the clouds and you decided to go to some birthday party with some stranger instead of spending the night with your wife, your family,” Suigetsu insisted, throwing Naruto an openly distasteful look as if he somehow blamed him for everything. “And she told me you’ve been going out a lot and whatever. Like, I don’t care what you do when she’s not around, of course, you’re free to go out with friends and stuff, but at least try to be around when she’s available, man.”

Not knowing what to say, Sasuke merely sighed. Karin was heavy in his arms and as if that wasn’t enough, his own body and head felt ten times heavier. All of a sudden, he just wanted this night to end as soon as possible.

“Thank you again,” was all he managed to say. His whole body felt like it was made of stone.

To his relief, though, Naruto was already opening the entrance door for him, so he simply nodded at Suigetsu, not trusting himself to not be impolite; Suigetsu didn’t deserve it - he had taken care of Karin and was only trying to look after her best interests. But this didn’t stop Sasuke from feeling annoyed at him, or disgusted at himself.

Carefully, he tried to leave the apartment without having Karin’s body bumping the walls, but in all truth, he just wanted to leave as fast as humanly possible so he could get away from this nightmare. When he heard Naruto thanking Suigetsu and following after him, he was ready to collapse from relief.

000

Sasuke felt guilty about allowing Naruto to help him get Karin home. It was a hassle getting her inside the car, and the drive to Sasuke’s apartment was made in tense silence during which Sasuke obsessively thought about something to say that would lighten up the mood and ease Naruto’s mind, but he was too stressed out to manage it, so he kept his mouth firmly shut. Besides, what was the point when there was nothing he could say that could effectively fix this night or anything at all?

Still, Naruto was adamant about helping him get Karin safely home, so together, they carried her up to the apartment. She roused slightly because she was constantly passed from one man to the other, so they listened to her drunken babbling and cursing, both offering her a few indulging soothing words to keep her quiet, and both praying that she wouldn’t remember to throw up at some random moment.

The two men were sweating by the time they managed to throw her on her and Sasuke’s bed and tuck her in properly. Thankfully she didn’t do anything more than whimper and feebly call out Sasuke’s name.

A bitter feeling punched Sasuke in the chest as she sobbed slightly under the covers and curled in on herself further. She was mumbling something in a rather pitiful way, but Sasuke couldn’t make out the words. Either way, the sight alone that, even in such a state, she was somehow in pain, made him ache. Maybe this was why he decided to spend a few minutes in the room, sitting on the bed beside her. Gently, he caressed the top of her head, running his fingers through the strands of her bright red hair, occasionally brushing his knuckles over her temples and cheeks. He hummed low, comforting words to her until she finally fell asleep. Within him, a storm of feelings seemed to be happening, and yet, as he looked down at his wife, he couldn’t understand which ones were directed at her, specifically. There was guilt and fondness, he could understand that much. He cared about her and hated that he had done something to make her feel this miserable. This wasn’t just an overreaction, he knew this much; it was an outburst after a constant piling up of small things, only he couldn’t even understand how he had missed it up until now.

Karin was an honest, straightforward woman. She was supposed to beat him up when he screwed up, talk to him whenever something bothered her, and demand answers.

But she knew him very well, so she knew he was going through a good time in his life. Maybe she didn’t know a lot about it, but she understood it had meaning to him. Maybe she didn’t want to ruin it for him by interfering and it took its toll on her.

Sasuke felt... oddly apathetic. He was disconcerted, but he couldn’t organize what was it that bothered him the most - that he had fucked up, that he had hurt Karin, or that he had hurt Naruto and ruined their night together. And this disorganization of his heart’s priorities left him feeling powerless.

If only tonight was nothing but a bad dream.

By the time Sasuke quietly got up, he noticed that Naruto wasn’t in the room with him. This made him feel even more pissed off at himself, because he had reflexively been affectionate to his wife with Naruto there, and while he was sure his lover understood, the last thing Sasuke wanted at this point was to make him feel even worse.

As he left the room and silently closed the door behind him, he was praying that Naruto was still in the house. Thankfully, he ended up finding the man in the kitchen, leaning by the open window with a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other. Naruto’s eyes slid away from the scenery outside to acknowledge Sasuke’s arrival, and his expression was oddly calm and closed, so Sasuke knew better than to feel at ease - after all, Naruto was the most expressive person he knew; not seeing his emotions clear on his face was more than reason enough to worry.

“I hope you don’t mind,” Naruto said, lifting both the cigarette and bottle of beer for Sasuke to see. “I needed something to help me relax.”

“Of course, I don’t mind,” Sasuke muttered, approaching him carefully. He noticed that Naruto had removed his jacket (and placed it over the kitchen table), untucked his shirt, and pried open its first three buttons. It made him look unkempt but casually alluring. His bright blue eyes were intense as they watched Sasuke moving closer until he was in front of him, leaning his side against the window as well.

They looked at each other in silence before Naruto took a swig from the bottle of beer. “How is she?” he asked blandly, after a while.

“Sleeping,” Sasuke said. He reflexively crossed his arms over his chest, almost as if shielding himself from the tension. “Listen, Naruto…”

“You’re not going to apologize again, are you?” Naruto said, cutting him off with a lopsided smile that was forced. He took a drag on his half-smoked cigarette before smashing it on the ashtray that rested on the windowsill. “It’s fine, Sasuke; I’m not mad or anything. It’s my fault anyway.”

Sasuke felt the tension thickening further. “Don’t be stupid; none of this is your fault. It’s me who should’ve…”

“I was the one who made a big deal about the Swingers’ Club,” Naruto interrupted again, looking away to the streets beyond the window with a heavy frown that looked filled with guilt. He hesitated before proceeding. “To be quite frank, I am aware that I’ve been trying to monopolize your free time whenever I can so we can be together at every available chance. I know you want it, too, so I act selfishly and use that to lure you in. It’s only natural that you’d end up forgetting something important at some point. You do have a life outside of me, I know that very well. I just… it’s something that I sometimes find convenient to forget about.”

Listening to those words - said with such self-resentment - made Sasuke swallow hard.

“I think I’ve reached a point where I completely disregard the fact that there is a third party involved,” Naruto proceeded, clearly not expecting a reply from Sasuke. “The more time passes the more selfish and unaware of others I become. And it’s weird because I keep reminding myself daily that ours is a tricky situation.” Naruto paused again to place the bottle of beer over the window sill and stare at it for a while. Then, he said softly “It was all my fault, to begin with. From the very start I...”

“It’s not your fault,” Sasuke repeated firmly. He wanted so badly to do something to ease the heaviness in the air and Naruto’s obvious distress, to somehow remove that unfamiliar expression from Naruto’s face, but he knew he couldn’t.

Blue eyes slowly looked up at him, and all of a sudden, Sasuke felt like the whole world had fallen apart around him. His chest tightened with emotion while that irrational, all-consuming fear that he couldn’t place crashed over him like a tidal wave.

Naruto was… everything to him. Naruto gave him life, filled him with happiness, and made everything seem simple and enjoyable. It was more than fondness, more than friendship, and certainly something more than simple ‘love’. Naruto was a part of him he didn’t know how to separate himself from any longer. Without Naruto, all he could see ahead of him was a vast void. It was as though he didn’t know how he had managed before Naruto had ever existed. Sometimes, Sasuke couldn’t even understand the fact that he had believed that he had been completely happy before all of this started happening.

Just knowing Naruto was in pain made him feel like tearing apart everything that caused it - only the cause was Sasuke himself.

They were linked by something that neither really understood. There was no doubt in his mind at this point:  they shared the same feelings and nothing would ever disrupt this perfect, godsend equilibrium.

And yet… he couldn’t say anything, couldn’t do anything right now to fix that terrifyingly empty look in Naruto’s eyes. Because he didn’t know what it meant. Or rather, he did, but there was something in him preventing his brain from processing it. Just like everything else in that whole situation, there was a block in his very being that made everything seem hazy and maybe a lot more simple than it was, leaving him with nothing but those feelings of all-consuming longing and that fear that froze him to the core.

He didn’t notice Naruto moving to close the distance between them, only felt strong arms wrapping around his neck and that familiar, blissful body pressing close to his. His heart felt like it was being pierced by a thousand needles as he uncrossed his arms and surrounded Naruto’s waist with them. He didn’t know where this rampant urgency had come from and why he had stopped being able to breathe, but his lips were already parted, ready to receive the ones that sought them. There was a moment when he felt Naruto’s arms tightening around him and all he could do was pull him closer in return, his hands fisting Naruto’s shirt so hard his fingers hurt.

A small gasp left his lover’s mouth. Sasuke felt dizzy. Why did the air feel like it was burning and becoming heavier by the second?

It was a feeling like no other.

The kiss was intense and hard; a constant and rough press and slide of lips that was as responsive as it was demanding from both sides. Tongues touched and tasted in desperation to be understood, expressing things neither seemed to know how to phrase using words alone.

Desire flooded Sasuke’s body in a violent and unexpected assault, but it wasn’t the sexual kind. It was an irrational desire to merge in with the person in his arms, to become one, in body and soul, to melt together and evaporate, to disappear or run away and forget about everything and everyone. It was selfishness and selflessness at their best and worst. It was such a feeling that, for a moment, Sasuke did forget where he was, who he was, and everything else that had upset him that night. He forgot about the fear. All he could feel was the presence right there, with him, and the desperation in his heart. There was only feeling and completion, nothing else.

That was until the spell was broken. Before Sasuke was able to fully process what was happening, the pressure on his lips was eased as Naruto took a small step back to create a bit of distance between them, even though they were still holding each other. Sasuke had a hard time reopening his eyes to return from that short-lived daze and notice that Naruto was blushing and frowning heavily.

He was angry at himself.

“We shouldn’t do this; not here, and least of all not with your wife in the house,” Naruto muttered, his hands awkwardly releasing Sasuke before pushing him slightly away so they weren’t touching anymore. Sasuke had the impulse to fight the forced distance, but he felt like it was better to not push Naruto’s buttons. His lover was on edge, and it brought him to instant awareness all over again. “I should go.”

Clenching his teeth, Sasuke watched as Naruto ran a hand through his already messy hair and moved to grab his jacket.

Again, Sasuke felt an impulse, this time to ask Naruto to stay - he didn’t want to be without him tonight, and he didn’t want to face Karin alone. But he knew such a request was childish, inconsiderate, and completely crazy. Sasuke knew he was supposed to be smarter than this, so he kept his mouth closed.

This had nothing to do with Naruto.

There were so many things he wanted to tell Naruto, to ask him at this particular moment, but once again, he felt consumed by fear and hesitation.

He had never feared Naruto, but for some reason, right now he felt like he was walking on eggshells and that he was missing something important. Only he didn’t want to know what it was because he was sure it wasn’t good.

“Text me so I know you got home safe,” he muttered, following Naruto out of the kitchen and into the hallway.

“Sure,” Naruto said, not looking at him. Reaching for the door handle, he carefully opened it to not make too much noise. “Give me a call if you need anything.”

Sasuke opened his mouth to say something - anything - but Naruto left and closed the door behind him before he could.

Somehow, Sasuke felt like a part of himself had abandoned his apartment as well.

He had never felt more out of place in his life.

000

Naruto had texted him to tell him he had gotten home safe. When Sasuke texted back to ask him if he was alright, he got no response. He liked to believe Naruto had probably gone to sleep already, but from what he already knew of his lover, he was sure the blond man would probably be thrashing around in his bed until morning, thinking about all sorts of unnecessary things.

But, even if Sasuke thought so… how unnecessary, exactly, would be Naruto’s thoughts? Wasn’t Naruto entitled to thinking about whatever the fuck he wanted after the disastrous events of the night and… well, everything else that concerned the two of them?

But knowing this only helped Sasuke’s anxious mood to become worse. And knowing it and not having Naruto reply to his following texts was positively nerve-wracking. However, he figured Naruto needed some space, so eventually, he decided that it was best to give it to him, no matter how it made Sasuke himself feel.

Sasuke knew he deserved the suffering. If Naruto didn’t want to talk to him for a day or two, he had no one to blame but himself. He knew he deserved to have had Naruto slapping him, yelling at him, or calling him a selfish inconsiderate asshole. Whatever reaction Naruto could have had would have been Sasuke’s fault alone. But Naruto had barely spoken and had even placed all the blame on himself even though he had nothing to feel guilty about. And he still had kissed Sasuke, still with that same unmatching passion, letting him know that he…

Just thinking about it made Sasuke want to either run to Naruto as soon as possible or bury himself alive with self-deprecating emotions.

Knowing Naruto was upset and hurting affected Sasuke in ways he couldn’t explain. And it was all his fault. Because he had been living on cloud nine and ignoring issues that were right in front of his face. Because he had been taking all this peaceful happiness with Naruto for granted.

Itachi had warned him. He’d told him that people would get hurt, and this was only the beginning. Sasuke didn’t think he had ever felt this anxious in his life.

He was far from being stupid, but he understood that he had been so during these last few months. He also knew that if he didn’t do something soon, things would start falling apart in every direction.

What was he even going to say to Karin when she woke up? That he was sorry he had forgotten their anniversary? Was he going to promise that he’d try harder to pay attention to her so things could fall back into the way they used to be between them?

Was he just going to repeat the circle of play pretend all over again and buy himself more time?

But… things hadn’t been like this for a long time. Not his feelings, not the sex, not the willingness to be around her, nothing. There was a form of ‘love’, but everything felt so detached between them it seemed irreversible. He felt so… distanced from her. His past feelings seemed like they hadn’t belonged to him at all.

Things… could never be the way they were before. Ever.

Because Sasuke was in love with Naruto in a way that he had never been in love with another person before. Not even Karin herself.

But… How could he explain this to her so suddenly? How could he just tell her that he loved someone else and that he’d cheated on her? How could he simply tell her that they didn’t make sense anymore? That what they had built throughout the years didn’t make sense at this point?

He didn’t want to hurt her like this. He didn’t want her to hate him.

Sasuke had never been a coward. He had never given a damn about what other people thought of him, or how his actions were perceived by others. And yet, right now, everything served as an excuse to not move forward. He was aware of this.

But everything was just so difficult to accomplish.

This was what happened when people he loved got involved. Because the consequences wouldn’t fall upon himself alone. Naruto, Karin, his parents, his friends... it was because Sasuke was afraid of hurting all of them that this had become so messy in the first place.

The rest of the night seemed to drag on forever. Sasuke felt physically and emotionally exhausted, and yet, he couldn't sleep; he felt so suffocatingly agitated.

Thinking about going to bed to sleep beside Karin felt like an improper thing to do, so he tried the sofa, but his brain felt like it was about to burst and his heart felt heavy. There was nausea within him that wouldn’t go away no matter what. He had smoked cigarette after cigarette until he ran out. He drank a whole pot of tea. At some point he got out of the house to get more cigarettes at the nearby convenience store, hoping that the fresh air would help him blow off some steam. He ended up taking a long way back.

It was almost eight in the morning when Sasuke returned home. No news from Naruto, and Karin was still asleep. Sasuke felt like he was sleepwalking and his head hurt. He forced himself to eat an apple so he could take some painkillers. He didn’t know what to do with himself, so he took a long shower that made him feel cleaner but that didn’t help wash away the way he felt, or the fear and doubt in his mind.

He didn’t know if he was simply terrified of the outcome of tonight’s mistake, or if it was the impending feeling of foreboding making him feel like this.

Once more, Sasuke returned to the living room to try to get some sleep. He was hoping he’d be able to pass out from exhaustion. He checked his phone, thinking it would be the last time in a while, only to find a single missed call from Naruto.

His legs felt so weak all of a sudden that he slumped down on the sofa gracelessly as he hurriedly returned the call. His mouth felt dry as he brought his mobile phone to his ear and waited for Naruto to pick up. And Naruto took a long, long time to do it.

When the call was picked up, no sound came from the other side. Sasuke swallowed hard, his heart beating fast.

“Naruto?” he called out softly, only to receive a slightly shaky sigh in response, but nothing else. Sasuke felt his muscles tense in alarm. “Naruto, are you alright? Come on, talk to me.”

A quiet, but unidentifiable sound could be heard coming from Naruto, followed by a complete silence so cutting Sasuke found his voice stuck in his throat.

“I… love you so much.” Sasuke stopped breathing as those hoarse words reached him in whispered honesty, but also carried a dense, heartbreaking sadness to them. It was Naruto, but this tone was unrecognizable. “I have been in enough relationships to know that I’ve never felt for anyone the way I feel about you, Sasuke. You’re so important to me that I know being parted from you will always feel like a part of me will be missing. I’m sure that death itself feels similar to this.”

Sasuke tried to speak but his throat felt like it was full of sand. Naruto’s words were slow as if he wanted him to listen to them well.

“You mean to me things that I’m sure not even you are aware of,” Naruto proceeded, heaving a heavy, utterly exhausted sigh. “And that’s okay. But I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what, exactly?” Sasuke blurted out suddenly, his voice cracking unexpectedly.

The change was instantaneous.

“ This , Sasuke!” Naruto suddenly snapped, making Sasuke cringe at the suddenly aggressive tone. “I can’t keep pretending that everything’s alright when inside I’m slowly losing my mind! I can’t keep playing the boyfriend while you’re still playing house with Karin! Have you ever even considered how that makes me feel?”

“Of course I have!” Sasuke retorted quickly, defensively, because he could feel danger approaching and his fear growing, and all he could do was try and reverse this no matter how. “We’ve talked about this, Naruto! You know it’s not easy for me, there’s a lot of stuff that I need to do and think about! But I’m going to talk to Karin, and we’ll…”

“No, you’re not!” This time, Naruto just sounded exasperated. Sasuke felt his body prickling, his spinning chilling. “You see, that’s the problem! You’ve made your choice the moment you decided to be with me, Sasuke. I know you chose me. But you lack the balls to do something about it! And now she’s hurting, too! How are you going to fix it, Sasuke? What are you going to tell her? You’re just suddenly going to throw her into this mess, just like that, and expect it to go well? No! And this is why you won’t talk to her because you know you fucked up and now you’re scared it’s gonna blow in your face. You won’t do a single fucking thing.”

“We already talked about this…”

“I went against my principles so I could be with you!” The anger in Naruto’s voice made Sasuke shake, violently so. He felt like he was being slapped, punched, over and over again by that merciless voice and those piercing words that he knew he deserved. And he was panicking. “I came out to my family, to my friends, and my coworkers. I sang for you in front of dozens of people. I changed my life and accepted that I was going to be leading the life of a man in love with another man. And what did you do, Sasuke? You didn’t even tell your friends that we were together. All you did was fucking lie and buy yourself time, hoping that I’d forget our agreement.”

The truth was brutal and cruel, and Sasuke had no idea what he could say to defend himself from that. He was completely trapped. “That’s not…”

“I know it’s complicated for you,” Naruto cut, not allowing him to make excuses. “But it’s complicated for me, too. Call me selfish but I want to be with you. I want to build a life with you more than anything else, I can’t do it alone, and it can’t be done if you lead a double life. I’m sick of hiding, sick of not knowing what tomorrow will look like, and sick of being ‘the other person’. I’m sick of feeling hopeful only to end up being hurt and seeing how other people are getting hurt, too.”

Sasuke was shivering so badly his stomach churned. Naruto’s feelings were being thrown at him and they were hard to take, harsh and cutting. Somehow he knew that this was coming, but he hadn’t prepared himself for it at all, so all he felt right now was shock and desperation to do something, for now, to stop this mess from crumbling further apart - to stop Naruto from doing this to them. He didn't want Naruto to feel this way, not because of him…

But it was his fault.

“You’re not the ‘other person’, idiot,” Sasuke whispered shakily, lacking the strength to speak louder than Naruto himself. “You know how I feel about you! I know I’ve been fucking up and you’re right in everything you said, but we have to work on this together, Naruto. You said we would! You can’t just...”

Naruto huffed, and then groaned loudly in frustration. “Do you even understand that I’m the fool in all of this?” The way his voice cracked again brought a very sharp pain to Sasuke’s chest - one he wasn’t expecting to feel. At all. “I don’t care what people think about me, but I’m the one that looks like a complete idiot. And I’m done with that. I’m done waiting for you to do something for us. Because this is your problem. I told you I’d be there for you, but it’s not me who has to face Karin or change things; it’s you. It was your life, to begin with, it’s your life you’ll have to change. But you won’t do it. You just keep on dragging yourself around, waiting for a miracle to happen. But it won’t. And I’m tired of waiting. I told you, I...”

“Don’t do this, Naruto.”

Sasuke had never pleaded for anything in his life, but he was pleading now because it was all he could do. He couldn’t even feel his own body anymore, it was like everything was an overflowing mess of painful emotions that he had no control over. All he knew was that he couldn’t handle this. He couldn’t handle this at all, and he felt so vulnerable it was terrifying.

This whole situation was the most terrifying and pain-inducing one he had ever experienced in his life.

“Give me a chance to fix it! I am going to, I swear! Let me just…”

“Shut up… Sasuke...”

And Naruto was crying. The low sound of his gentle hiccups and sniffing sounded like something out of this world. It didn’t seem real. If nightmares had a sound, they would sound like this, Sasuke was sure.

It seemed fucking crazy and unbelievable, but he had made Naruto cry, and the knowledge of it brought forth some of the worst feelings he had ever felt.

He felt sick to his stomach.

Has he cried before, because of me?

Has he been crying all night because of me?

“Don’t cry…” Sasuke felt so powerless, so stupidly weak that all he could do was close his eyes and bury them in his hand. It hurt to even breathe. “Please, Naruto. You’re not even debating this with me. Why are you doing this? Just because I fucked up with Karin, I...”

“I don’t wanna hear it anymore, damn it!” A few sobs from Naruto made Sasuke’s chest feel so tight he thought he might pass out. He didn’t want to hear it either, not the words, not that sound, not that pain, and not that frustration coming from Naruto. “All you do is talk and make promises you don’t keep and find excuse after excuse! This is not easy for me! Do you even understand? I’m falling apart here, asshole! You’re fucking everything up, for me, for you, and your wife! You either want to be with me or you don’t, it’s fucking simple, Sasuke! If you want to be with me, then fucking do something about it! Stop playing fucking games once and for all!”

Sasuke knew Naruto was right, of course, he did. There wasn’t a single thing that came out of his friend’s mouth that didn’t hit the mark. He should’ve seen all of it coming, he should’ve expected this, but somehow, he had taken everything for granted. He had thought that he’d never be put in this position - that Naruto would never put them in such a situation.

But wasn't that just Sasuke being selfish again and looking out for his self-preservation? Again, leaving everything for Naruto to endure without thinking about Naruto’s feelings at all?

Had he been doing it all along? Being this miserable, despicable person, settling for what he had and hoping that Naruto’s feelings for him would be enough to not break them apart?

I’m the worst…

Why is this happening?

I’m such a fucking fool…

Naruto...

“Naruto, please…You can’t simply just break up with me after everything,” Sasuke whispered, leaning over as if unconsciously trying to curl in on himself. He felt so pitiful, so utterly helpless he hated it. He truly and honestly hated himself right now. Everything was fucked up and he didn’t know how to process it, too overwhelmed by his own emotions, by Naruto’s own emotions that he could feel as if they were his own. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. “I can’t do this without you.”

A loud sniff could be heard, before Naruto muttered a miserable “You should’ve done it with me when you had the chance, then.”

If Sasuke had been stabbed it wouldn’t have been this painful. Naruto was harsh and merciless. He was… so strong and implacable.

And still, Sasuke knew he was right.

Naruto wasn’t budging at all, but Sasuke knew he should’ve known better because that was who Naruto was; honest, true to himself, and someone who never changed his mind when he made a decision. One of the traits Sasuke loved the most about him was his unfaltering willpower.

This was sure to be very hard on Naruto. Sasuke understood, in his own afflicted state of mind, that it must’ve taken a lot of strength for Naruto to even find the courage to pick up his phone and call him, let alone say all these things that had been plaguing him for so long. Naruto would never want him to hurt, Sasuke knew that.

But right now, he didn’t care. All Sasuke cared about was that everything he loved and needed was falling apart at his feet and that he couldn’t do anything to stop it. He had no way to. Words could never be enough, and right now, there was no immediate action he could take.

Desperately, Sasuke tried to think about a way to delay it, to reverse it, even if just for half an hour, just so he could move, do something, act and make Naruto see that things would change.

“You can’t break up with me over the fucking phone, Naruto,” Sasuke said hurriedly, not caring at all if his voice shook badly, cold from the emotional shock he felt. “Please, let’s just meet and talk face to face and figure it out! You’re not thinking about this properly, you know that…”

“No, I did think about it,” Naruto replied, before hiccuping in an almost childish way. He released a trembling sigh. He sounded so worn out, so frustrated. “So… if you want to be with me, you do something about it. I’m just done. I’m done, Sasuke.”

“No…”

“I hope we can be friends, at some point,” Naruto raised his voice again so he could interrupt him once more. “You’re very important to me, and I don’t want to lose you, so I’ll always be here for you no matter what, but right now I just can’t. I can’t be around you. I can’t see you, I can’t be with you… I just can’t. It’s going to kill me, I’m sure, but I can’t...”

“Wait, Naruto...”

The line went dead. The constant beeping made Sasuke feel dizzy. Everything was spinning. His head was throbbing.

His mobile phone fell from his hand and hit the floor with a loud crash but Sasuke couldn’t care if it broke into a million pieces when everything inside of him felt like it had disintegrated and turned to dust.

He crossed his arms over his chest tightly and leaned down further until his forehead almost connected with his knees. The sickness in his stomach wouldn’t go away and he struggled to breathe in short and quick gasps but his lungs felt small and incapable. His whole body felt cold and about to collapse one way or the other.

He felt so many things at the same time he didn’t know what to do with himself. How did it come to this? He couldn’t understand it at all.

Why? Why had it ended like this, for something so stupid?

How could he have let Naruto reach such a breaking point? How could Sasuke have ruined everything because of a simple fucking mistake?

Sasuke simply couldn’t understand. Nothing made sense. Weren’t things just fine a few hours ago, when they’d been laughing and kissing and flirting and wanting each other as if nothing else mattered?

The way he felt right now was unlike anything he had ever felt in his life. He felt like he was drowning, suffocating. He felt like complete trash, lower and dirtier than any bug crawling in the mud. There was anger and guilt and pain and loss and devastation and pure horror. It was a helplessness that was beyond humiliating and devastating disbelief that he had fucking lost the only thing that made him happy every single day of his existence.

It was like… without Naruto, he didn’t even know how to exist. He didn’t know how to do anything.

How had he lived before Naruto? How had he been able to talk and walk when, right now, it felt as if his very existence had vanished the moment Naruto hung up on him?

Sasuke didn’t know. He didn’t know anything, couldn’t think of anything. All he could see was Naruto’s face and all he could hear were Naruto’s words to him and how his voice had sounded through those tired tears.

And Sasuke couldn’t stand it. He couldn’t stand knowing he had done this to them both, that he had done this to Naruto.

There was nothing but pain.

I didn’t even tell him I loved him, too…

Maybe if I had... maybe if I had told him he would’ve waited…

Wishful thinking. Just a few minutes. If only Naruto had waited just a few minutes, Sasuke could’ve done something to stop this mess from happening.

But Naruto had given him days, weeks, months, hadn’t he? And Sasuke still thought that he deserved more time just because he had a rope around his neck? For a guy with a high IQ, Sasuke sure was naïve, and he knew it.

It was laughable. Naruto would think so, too. Because you can never be too early, but there’s no turning back time when you’re too late.

A gasp left him. He was going to be sick. No, he was going to scream or cry, but his own body seemed to not know how to express the chaos within him so he just kept panting, both hands coming up to fist his hair tight. He wanted to disappear.

No, for sure, he was going to die. He wanted to. He wished he could just drop dead at that same moment. There was no way he’d live through these agonizing feelings.

He just… wanted to see Naruto. He wanted to make things right.

But right now, he just...

“Sasuke?”

Startled, Sasuke straightened up quickly and looked over his shoulder to find Karin standing at the entrance of the living room. She looked pale, her vivid red hair falling over her shoulders in a tangled mess. She looked horrible in every way possible, and nauseated, but Sasuke could only stare at her with wide eyes and trembling lips parted as he breathed hard.

He had no idea what expression he was making, or what kind of look he was giving her, but her drowsy expression changed to one of worry first, and then, to one of utter desolation.

Something passed between them, then - the moment when Karin seemed to understand something, was the moment Sasuke realized how transparent he was being.

Whatever she had seen in his eyes had just hurt her, too. Badly. Karin’s hands turned into fists at her sides and she bit down on her lower lip hard.

Not even blinking, Sasuke’s brain drew a blank. Then, suddenly, his vision watered and he couldn’t see her anymore as the image of her became blurry.

“Why the fuck are you crying, you idiot?” he heard her say, in an angry, confused tone that accused her proximity to tears. She also sounded surprisingly concerned, but unlike Sasuke, she was strong and her voice was demanding, unfaltering, and without fear. “What the fuck’s happening right now, Sasuke?”

Was he crying, now? He couldn’t even tell. He couldn’t move. He had stopped feeling his body altogether.

He couldn’t feel anything but the sharp pain in his heart.

Still, automatic tears fell from his eyes and down his face freely and he did nothing to stop or wipe them away. There was no hiding the display of emotions on his face and he knew Karin would see every single one of them.

That was probably why she had started openly sobbing, too. In a way, she already knew that something was going wrong between them.

Two people he had made cry more than once in just a few hours.

And he truly didn’t deserve either of them.

TBC…

Chapter Text

It’s Not Fair

Chapter Twenty-One: No Direction

It was like entering a whole new dimension. The twilight zone, if such a thing existed, must be something like this.

Like an out-of-body experience, Sasuke felt like he wasn’t even there - like he was watching these events unfold from a distance, completely detached from everything that lay in front of him - and the only thing he could focus on was the pain and overwhelming loneliness thrumming inside of him.

If his vision wasn’t this blurry and he couldn’t distinctively feel the tears sliding down his cheeks, he wouldn’t have believed that he was crying. That was so… beyond him. This feeling, of utter despair and helplessness, wasn’t something he had experienced a lot in his life, and the few times he had, he could easily relate them all to Naruto.

He could hear Karin sniffing. His eyes followed her as she walked around the sofa and sat down beside him. She didn’t have her glasses on. Sasuke glanced at her, unable to move or do anything but her desolate expression and the tears on her face hit him like yet another gruesome punch.

This was ridiculous. What the hell was even happening to them right now?

He tried to wipe his tears quickly with both hands, to gain some semblance of composure - after all, he wasn’t the only one who was hurting right now - but a sob escaped his chest and made yet more tears fall.

Fuck.

“What’s wrong, Sasuke?” Karin asked, her voice shaking. A hand was placed on his knee, warm but failing to offer comfort. “Please, talk to me…”

He hated how fragile, yet gentle she sounded. He didn’t deserve it. It was all so horrible, and all of a sudden, he felt angrier than anything else.

“Don’t be like this, Karin!” he threw, pushing her hand away in frustration. “Damn it, I forgot our wedding anniversary! I made you cry! I was the one who made you feel miserable to the point where you had to go to Suigetsu for emotional support! Don’t ask me what’s wrong! Fuck! You should be fucking angry with me!”

She seemed a bit shocked by the outburst because she flinched. “I am angry, but I care about you, so of course, I’m going to ask you what’s wrong!” Karin retorted as if it was obvious. “Sasuke, I…”

“Everything’s wrong,” he cut irritably, still trying to stop his tears, now with his wrists. “Just… I can’t deal with you being caring right now. I don’t deserve it. I can’t do this.”

For the first time in his life, Sasuke felt like his pride could go fuck itself. He’d never felt this immense urge to just get up and simply run away, and while the thought disgusted him, right now it seemed like the best course of action. He just wanted to have time to process everything and not have to deal with a single thing.

Maybe it was simply out of respect for Karin that he didn’t. Maybe it was because his guilt felt stronger than his own emotional needs.

“Can’t do what?” Karin said, and Sasuke felt her tensing, her energy changing to one of restlessness. “Tell me! I just… I don’t know what I’m supposed to do…”

When it was Karin’s turn to start sobbing, Sasuke felt like his energy was being drained to the very last drop. He knew she could feel something was wrong with him, he knew she was smart and already sensing something bigger.

Sasuke heaved a long, heavy sigh, leaning forward again and pressing both clenched fists to his closed eyes. Karin was crying beside him and he wanted to ask her what she was crying about but knew she had reasons to, even though she didn’t know which ones. It was just one of those situations where you know something’s wrong and act accordingly even without knowing why.

It was thanks to the sound of his wife’s sniffing that his tears were able to subside, but his exhaustion seemed to have been multiplied.

He didn’t know how long they spent like that, simply sitting by side with that heart-breaking background noise.

“Somehow… somehow, I have the feeling that whatever’s upsetting you is not related to me at all, is it?” Karin said after a while, weakly. She sounded so distant all of a sudden.

“It is…” Sasuke whispered, and even his voice made him feel vulnerable. “... mostly. I don’t....”

“Come here...”

Sasuke didn’t even feel his body move as he was pulled gently so his head was resting on Karin’s shoulder. Small arms encircled him, and the embrace was warm, familiar but at the same time, strange, like a long-lost memory. It failed to provide comfort.

Nothing felt real.

“I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours,” Karin said slowly, pressing a small kiss to the top of his forehead. “I… know it seems exaggerated to break down in such a way just because you forgot an important date of ours, and I’m sorry that I gave you so much trouble. I mean, these sorts of things are bound to happen with couples sooner or later, right? Important dates stop being a big deal.”

“Why are you even apologizing? You have nothing to apologize for,” Sasuke said, tiredly.

Karin sniffed and tightened her arms around him. “I guess I’ve been piling up all these emotions, you know? Because things have changed so much between us in the last few months. I can’t explain how, I just sense something different about you, as a person. You’re a different person, Sasuke, and this person is also different towards me.”

“Different?” Sasuke muttered, opening his eyes to look blankly down at Karin’s naked knees.

“See? You don’t even realize it,” Karin said, with a dry laugh. “Just different. I can’t explain it. The way you talk to me, the way you touch me, the way you behave. It’s like you’re never here, Sasuke. You behave the same as usual but you’re just… not here.”

Ah, so Itachi had been right all along. How stupid he had been, Sasuke thought, in thinking that his love for Naruto would not change things in him.

“And now you’re a mess and I don’t even know why,” Karin proceeded sadly, swallowing hard. “I wanted to talk to you about it so I could understand if you realized it and why it was happening. But you’ve been so… sociable, and happy lately and you want to go everywhere and do everything. Only you don’t do it with me.”

“I…”

“Yes, we’re together on my days off,” Karin cut once more, a hint of fear and frustration in her shaky voice. “But you’re not living life with me. We share a house, but we’re not sharing anything anymore. Even when we have sex I feel like you’re not even interested. You used to be so...”

“Karin…” Sasuke muttered, trying to pull away from her, but her arms wouldn’t let him, so he didn’t struggle anymore. He didn’t want her to feel even worse than she already did.

“Is it me?” She asked suddenly, the uncertainty in her sounding more evident.  “Did you find interests that are different from mine and you don’t want to share them with me because you think I won’t like them? Or is it that there are things you want to do in your life but you can’t because we’re married?”

“That’s not it at all…” Sasuke huffed, feeling empty. Guilt gnawed at the back of his mind and heart, and yet he felt as though he’d already given all of his worst emotions to Naruto. He was the worst, and even aware of this, all he wanted was to leave, or simply black out. He felt empty, completely devoid of anything.

Karin didn’t say anything for a while, as if expecting Sasuke to continue, which he didn’t. He didn’t know what to say or even how to begin explaining himself. He didn’t even know where to start, nor did he feel emotionally capable of uttering anything at the moment because he didn’t even feel like he was stable enough to have such a delicate conversation right now. It was sure to be hurtful for Karin, but it would be even worse if he told her now, that he was in such a state where his emotional priority was himself and Naruto.

Karin didn’t deserve a bastard like him.

“Please talk to me; just say anything so I can understand what’s going through your mind,” Karin pleaded with her lips buried in Sasuke’s hair. “Please, Sasuke…”

“I can’t,” Sasuke said, his voice barely audible. He closed his eyes and turned to the side so he was facing her, putting one heavy arm around her waist automatically and burying his nose on the curve of her neck. It was so hard to speak, even if he was no longer crying. “I just… I can’t talk to you right now, Karin. Maybe not today, or even tomorrow. I just can’t. I’m so, so sorry…”

He wished he could tell her why he was sorry - because he was a fucking idiot. After all, he was a cheater. After all, he was a coward, because he had neglected her and hurt her…

But he couldn’t. He wondered if he ever would. Right now, everything seemed to be going to shit without any prospects of ever getting fixed again.

No, for sure, nothing would be alright ever again. He had lost Naruto, and he was scared of losing Karin, too. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.

Karin’s arms lost their strength around Sasuke’s body. “I see. You… don’t want to be with me right now,” she muttered, releasing a trembling breath that sounded gruesome to Sasuke’s ears. “I understand. If you have something you need to organize in your head, then that’s fine. Take as long as you need to sort yourself out and we’ll figure everything out when we’re both feeling better, alright?” Her voice faltered and yet another sob escaped her chest. “We’ll get through whatever this is together, okay? We’ll be fine… I’m here for you, always. You know that, right?”

When she started crying again, Sasuke knew she understood that her own words were nothing but wishful thinking. He knew that, no matter what happened, there was no way anything would ever work out between them the way she thought. Itachi had been right all along - once the threshold had been crossed, there was no turning back. He could no longer make love to Karin like he used to, nor appreciate the time with her as he once had, nor envision a future growing old beside her. He loved her for the precious person she was, but his body longed for another embrace, his mind seeing only images of someone else, his heart aching for Naruto’s pain a thousand times more than Karin’s.

People in love sure were cruel. No matter how much he wished that he could be kind to Karin, nothing in him was responding. This was all he could do – to hold her back and apologize for being this cold, heartless man.

No matter how you looked at it, this was nothing but the start of a chained catastrophe that Sasuke still had faith he could somehow control once things didn’t seem so dire.

Who am I kidding?

Everything would go down to hell, and it was all his fault. There was only so much running away he could do, and only so much consideration he could have for Karin.

000

After what seemed like hours spent in silence, through a short conversation they both decided to spend a couple of days at their respective parents’ place to cool off and give each other some space. Karin didn’t seem to want space, but it was obvious she wanted to give Sasuke time to sort himself out if that was what he needed – always thinking about his well-being before her own.

Sasuke’s mother picked up the phone with a sleepy but concerned voice and she kept asking unnecessary questions when he asked if he could stay with her and his father for a while.

Packing was done in silence, during which Sasuke simply moved as if controlled by a force superior to his own body. Once in a while, he could hear Karin sniffing.

It was very early in the morning when they took the train together towards their respective destinations. They held hands as Karin put her head on his shoulder, and it had a sort of… familiar and nostalgic feel to it that Sasuke couldn’t quite place but that wasn’t the same as before at all. It seemed like there was nothing Karin could do to make him feel comfortable around her anymore.

Karin’s stop was first. They shared a small kiss before parting ways. She offered him a small, sad smile before getting off.

After everything, Sasuke could only feel an otherworldly numbness that he was genuinely thankful for. He simply couldn’t believe that, just a few hours previously, he had been at that soiree with Naruto, having fun, lost in Naruto’s arms and in everything they had been. They were going to Naruto’s place and finally, finally joining their bodies as they should have a long time ago. But instead, this nightmare happened.

It felt like a long time had passed since then, and yet, so much had happened in such a short time. He felt like he had aged ten years. He was so tired.

His parents were still in pajamas when he arrived, his father looking stern as usual but preoccupied, and his mother with an anguished look on her face. Sasuke had a feeling she wanted to ask questions, but as soon as she laid eyes on him, she quickly realized that it wasn’t the right time. She hugged him and kissed his cheek, though, and while he was overcome with the need to drown in that warm and safe embrace forever, the urge to cry again unexpectedly assaulted him and he simply had to let go. It felt even worse knowing that his parents were as oblivious as Karin towards what was happening. They had all sorts of preconceived ideas about what was going on between him and Karin and none of them were accurate.

He climbed the stairs up to his room without feeling his legs, but the weight of the bag he was carrying seemed overwhelming.

Barely aware of what he was doing, as soon as he was inside his room he slammed the door shut, threw his bag on his bed, and tiredly sat down. As if on auto-pilot, he fished his mobile phone from his pocket and checked for incoming messages - there was one from Karin, saying she was already at her parents’. Nothing from Naruto, as expected, but one could only hope.

Typing a few casual words, he texted Karin back to let her know he was already at his parents’ place, too. He texted a few soothing words he wasn’t feeling, as well.

He wasn’t even thinking as he searched for Sakura’s name on his phone number list and tapped his thumb over it before letting himself fall backward so he was lying on his back with legs hanging out from the edge of the bed. His arm felt like it weighed a ton as he placed it over his eyes.

The sound of the ‘beeping’ as he waited barely registered in his mind.

Sakura took her time picking up, as was expected considering the early hour and how she liked to sleep in during the weekend.

When Sakura did pick up and Sasuke heard her sleepy voice, it was as if an invisible switch inside of him had been turned on. Like a flood, everything that had happened that night washed over him, and it was as if all the doors he had closed on his feelings for the last couple of hours had been violently pried open.

Sasuke could only bite his lower lip. His lungs felt so constricted he couldn’t even breathe.

Naruto crying. Naruto breaking up with him as if it was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do. Naruto’s pain. Karin’s pain. His inconsiderate actions, his cruelty, his continuous running away.

He had hurt everyone, people he loved and who didn’t deserve it at all, and yet, he was still thinking only of himself and his fears.

I have no right to say I can’t handle this…

He felt so lost he didn’t know what the fuck he was supposed to do now. Never had he felt such a huge wave of self-hatred as he did now.

“Sasuke?” Sakura called out since he didn’t say anything. “Are you there?”

He couldn’t control the sob that escaped his chest, nor the tears that soaked up the sleeve of his sweater without his consent.

Fuck…

Shit…

Fuck…

He wasn’t supposed to cry again; all he had wanted was to just tell someone what had happened - someone who knew about him and Naruto. But the wound was still so fresh it seemed like it would never heal.

Why… did this feel like the hardest thing he had ever gone through in his life? Why… did everything have to hurt like this?

On the other side, Sakura gasped slightly. When she spoke, her voice was barely a whisper, alert, but filled with sadness for him. “Oh, no. What have you done?”

And Sasuke hated the words but knew they were the right ones because, in the end, it had all been his fault. He had brought everything upon himself, and it was more than deserved for making the people he loved hurt like this.

However, Sakura didn’t demand an answer, it was clear she had already guessed what had happened because she was smart like that. Besides, she had warned him from the very start. If only he had listened.

There was no telling how long they were on the phone, Sasuke simply crying without uttering a word while she patiently listened. Eventually, he managed to calm down and tell her the essential details in between humiliating hiccups. His head hurt and he felt so vulnerable, so exhausted. At some point, he stopped being conscious of what he was even saying, but he was aware of the fact that his brain was obsessed with the idea of wanting to talk to Naruto and going to see him to fix things. Sakura would only sigh and tell him to get some sleep. She knew better than to try and talk to him at this point and inflame his irrational mind further. Nothing she could say would be heard by him anyway.

He knew he was being childish and hot-blooded but he couldn’t help it and he hated himself for it. It simply felt like nothing made sense anymore and as if the world had become an ugly, hopeless place.

It was late in the morning when he finally passed out.

000

Sasuke slept for hours on end. When he came to, he found himself lying on his bed with a blanket over him and the curtains closed. Someone - he guessed his father - had adjusted his body so he was properly positioned, and a pillow had been placed under his head. He no longer had his pants on either.

It was the middle of the night of the following day and he felt very disoriented and with a raging headache. His eyes hurt, too, and so did his body, and yet, he felt strangely composed and lucid, and very grateful that his parents were still sleeping so he wouldn’t have to be bombed with questions straight on. During his much-needed shower, he had a moment of pure embarrassment thinking over his phone call with Sakura and reminded himself to text her to apologize and tell her he was alright. Or, well, as alright as he possibly could be considering everything. At least he could now think clearly and control his emotional side better. At least now he was back to feeling things properly. He was hoping he could think things through rationally soon, but right now he knew he was only functioning thanks to psychological exhaustion and some sort of miraculous apathy.

His mind, however, was in a frenzy he couldn’t control.

He had been such an asshole to Karin, making her suffer and still leaving her in the dark, but he hadn’t wanted to tell her things just like that, and lying was not an option.

He thought obsessively about Naruto, but instead of feeling pain now, he felt an unbearable sense of defeat, guilt, and worry. Was Naruto doing alright? Where was he, what was he doing? Just thinking that his former lover could be going through the same hell made him want to die. He just wanted to make it all better no matter how, but he didn’t even know what he could do, or where to start. He refused to lose hope, but he needed something to reassure him that, eventually, everything would work out. There was no way he was going to let Naruto walk away from him, from what they had. Naruto may have his reasons, and Sasuke knew he had been the one at fault in the first place, nothing would change that. But there was no way he’d be able to work all of this through unless he talked to Naruto and made sure that he wouldn’t give up on him either. It wouldn’t just end like this between them - Sasuke was not going to allow it - and this was the only conviction he could hold on to at the moment.

He knew he should probably call Karin to check up on her, but he figured it was best to let things cool down a bit before they spoke to each other again, and quite frankly, Sasuke had no idea what he was going to say to her, how he was going to explain their predicament, or how he could get out of this mess and make things right, somehow.

But he would have to, no matter how.

He knew he would have to put his thoughts in order soon, but it wasn’t going to be today.

It didn’t take a lot of pondering for Sasuke to find himself leaving the house and calling a taxi to Naruto’s place as soon as the sun rose. Maybe he wasn’t doing that great after all, because there he was, moved by his despair once more even though Naruto told him he didn’t want to see him.

Naruto’s car wasn’t parked anywhere nearby, but the street was filled with cars, so maybe the vehicle was simply parked further down the road, out of sight.

The low gate of the modest house that was now familiar to him was ajar, and for just a second Sasuke wondered if he should ring the bell, but then thought against it and got inside. After all, he’d been there several times already, and yet, now it felt like all those times had been far from enough.

Sasuke’s heart was beating wildly inside his chest as he climbed the exterior set of stairs to the upper floor where Naruto’s part of the house was. He closed his fists, noticing his hands were abnormally sweaty, and chanted a mental promise that he would respect Naruto and not jump him at first glance, because they were no longer a couple. He simply couldn’t violate Naruto’s space any longer.

But he desperately needed to see him.

Swallowing hard, Sasuke stood in front of Naruto’s door. He wanted to see him more than anything, wanted his eyes to make sure Naruto was alright enough and wanted to talk to him, see if there was a way that they could not make things so hard on both of them for the time being. That would be enough to ease his heart and soul, and hopefully ease Naruto’s, too. Things couldn’t be left like this for them, they just couldn’t.

Aren’t I simply being selfish again by imposing my presence on him? Because I can’t stand to live with my own mistakes? Because I need to feel better?

Still, Sasuke raised his hand and knocked more forcefully than he had intended. No sound came from the inside - Naruto was probably asleep (or not) - so he knocked again, harder this time.

“Naruto,” Sasuke called out, loud enough to make sure he was heard. “I know you’re in there. Please come out and talk to me.”

He knew he sounded pitiful even though that hadn’t been his intention. He hated the sound of his voice.

There was no answer.

Sasuke felt the blood running fast inside his veins and his head throbbing. His breathing became more elaborate as devastation fell upon him. Was Naruto just going to ignore him? Was he so upset that he would resort to this? Did he not want to see Sasuke at all?

Sasuke couldn’t help but knock yet again, aggressively. “Come on, Naruto, you can’t do this!” he yelled, sounding genuinely angry and pleading. “You can’t simply end things through the fucking phone and give me the cold shoulder! I’m sorry for hurting you and you’re right in everything you said, but we need to talk, I…”

He had to take a second to take a breath. “... I can’t do this if you’re not with me. You can’t just walk away after everything and still say you’ll be my friend! I won’t ask anything from you, I just want to apologize in person, you have to let me…”

“He’s not there.”

The clear but unfamiliar voice startled Sasuke, and when he turned on his heels to look down, he found a middle-aged man standing at the end of the stairs, looking up at him with an unimpressed look and his arms crossed over his chest. The individual was probably in his late 50s, had long, disheveled gray hair, and was taller than your average man. He was oddly fit for his age, and even with flip-flops on his feet and wearing nothing but a pink t-shirt and a pair of white boxers he seemed strangely intimidating. Sasuke knew exactly who he was, but in the chaos inside his mind, he could hardly think about pleasantries.

“Where is he?” he asked without even thinking, his whole body frozen in frustration and helplessness.

The man made a face. “Hell, if I know. He said he was going to see his godmother yesterday, so he’s probably either there or at one of his friend's places. He left yesterday and I only got a text from him a few minutes ago.”

Biting on his lower lip hard, Sasuke took a moment before descending the steps. “I need to talk to him,” he said when he stopped in front of the man, looking up at his impressive height. “I need to know where he is. If you could, please…”

“You must be Sasuke,” the other interrupted firmly, almost conversationally while eyeing Sasuke from up and down. “Naruto kept telling me you were good-looking, and indeed, the pictures he showed me do you no justice. Although let me tell ya, you look like shit right now.”

Blinking at the man, Sasuke couldn’t even find a reply to that. A hand was extended to him before he could think of something to say. “I’m Jiraya, Naruto’s godfather.”

“Pleasure,” Sasuke mumbled as he shook the man’s hand, not without feeling a bit impatient. “I’m sorry we had to meet under these circumstances, and I’m sorry for making a ruckus, but I just…”

“I was just making breakfast,” Jiraya interrupted again, a heavy hand landing brutally on Sasuke’s shoulder and almost making his knees falter. “I’m sure you didn’t have anything to eat, yet! Come inside, let’s have a nice chat.”

It was true, but it wasn’t like Sasuke was feeling hungry anyway, plus, the thought of having breakfast with Naruto’s father figure all things considered made him feel a little hesitant. He was there for Naruto, and he wanted to see him as soon as possible - he had to make calls and find out where he was. Jiraya didn’t seem to hate him, nor did he seem about to punch him in the face either, but still, this wasn’t how he had imagined himself meeting the man at all. Besides, a chat sounded positively frightening.

“I should get going…” he started by saying, but he was already being manhandled towards the entrance door of the lower floor of the house before he could protest.

“Forgive the mess, I’ve been too busy to do some proper cleaning up,” Jiraya said dismissively, as he shoved Sasuke inside the house and followed after him. “Don’t mind the posters, they’re just for inspiration.”

The door was slammed closed behind him and Sasuke took a quick look around to see what the man was talking about. The corridor wasn’t exactly messy per se; there wasn’t any furniture in sight at all, but on the walls, one could see several posters of naked women in poses that were far from decent. On the floor, here and there one could see a piece of clothing or underwear, and the air smelt heavily of alcoholic beverages and some other scents that were unknown to Sasuke.

“Do you like pancakes?” Jiraya asked, shoving at Sasuke’s back almost playfully and leading the way towards the right, where a small, old-looking kitchen was.

“Ah, yeah, sure…” Sasuke mumbled as he was forced to sit down on the nearest chair at the small round table in the center. “Really, you don’t need to go through this much trouble…”

“I told you I was making breakfast, it’s no trouble at all.”

Sasuke looked around the kitchen hesitantly as he waited. There were empty beer bottles on the counter next to the sink - where a pile of unwashed dishes could be seen - but the table was empty save for a few crumbs and stains on the tablecloth.

Despite himself, Sasuke sighed. Damn it, what the hell was he doing? His life had been turned upside down from one moment to the other and he was so all over the place he had no idea what to do with it, or himself. In all honesty, he’d never felt quite like this, and it sucked because, before he’d met Naruto, he’d be able to breezily waltz through everything happening around him without much thought. Being out of himself was upsetting, but then again, that’s what Naruto had always done to him - putting him out of his comfort zone and rendering him powerless to everything when it came to them.

Closing his eyes, Sasuke pursed his lips together. Unconsciously, he had thought he’d been in control, but the cards had been on Naruto’s side all along, and they still were.

It wasn’t fair that he’d have to feel this irrationally anxious on Naruto’s behalf right now, even though, all things considered, Naruto was sure to be just fine.

Sasuke still wanted to see him.

Lost in his thoughts, Sasuke was startled by a cup being slammed on the table in front of him. From the smell, it had been filled with coffee, but before he could protest, something else was being poured inside as well. “What are you doing?” Sasuke asked without thinking.

“It’s just whiskey, don’t be a pussy,” Jiraya said with a ridiculous grin, waving an expensive-looking bottle in front of Sasuke’s face before pouring a bit of the beverage on yet another cup across from Sasuke. “It’ll help you calm down since you look like you’re about to jump out of your skin.”

“That’s kind of how I feel right now,” Sasuke muttered, only then noticing a plate filled with pancakes. At the sight of food, Sasuke’s stomach gurgled - after all, he hadn’t eaten anything since Saturday - but he felt a bit sick at the prospect of ingesting anything.

Jiraya sat heavily on the single available chair across from Sasuke with a tired groan. He picked up his cup and took a sip before eyeing the younger man. “You need to relax, kid; you’re all over the place. I’m not going to spank you, you know.”

“I thought you might want to,” Sasuke said plainly. “It’s fine if you do.”

“What are you talking about?” Jiraya retorted, with a deep frown, reaching out to stab a fork into a pancake. “We don’t even know each other, plus, I’m no-one to make judgements or get involved in something that’s none of my business. You and Naruto are adults, so you both need to live with the consequences of your actions. That’s all there is to it, isn’t it?”

When Jiraya shoved the whole pancake in his mouth, Sasuke flinched. “I suppose you’re right,” he mumbled, unsure of whether to think that the man was just easygoing, or if this was some sort of trap that would eventually get his ass beaten. Naruto had always spoken about his guardian fondly, even with the constant bad-mouthing and occasional insulting words. However, regardless of how ‘cool’ people were, things often turned around quickly if it implied someone they cared for was hurt. And Jiraya looked like someone capable of both being very pissed and breaking a few bones easily.

“Come on, drink! Eat up! You’ll see you’ll feel a lot better soon!” the man incited exuberantly, with his mouth full. “It’s not like you can hope to accomplish anything if you fall into a bed, right?”

Now that Sasuke noticed, there was a lot about Jiraya that reminded Sasuke of Naruto - maybe his easy-going demeanor, maybe some mannerisms. This was a man Sasuke had wanted to meet under different circumstances, but anxious and miserable as he was, he needed to remember that he couldn’t afford to be a prick.

So, he slowly picked up a pancake with a fork placed on the table next to his mug and brought it to his mouth, chewing slowly, and as soon as the first bite entered his stomach the sickness he had felt seemed to diminish. He ventured a small sip on his coffee and whiskey, too, and the warmth of it seemed to seep into his bones and make him feel suddenly very vulnerable. It was as if his feelings were threatening to resurface once more. “It’s… comforting,” he said, with a small nod, trying to avoid the stinging in his eyes. He hated being such a mess, but it had never been this difficult to mask his emotions before. “Thank you.”

As he stabbed another pancake and took small bites in between sips of his coffee, Jiraya seemed to watch him closely, but there was no animosity coming from him, so Sasuke allowed himself to relax as much as his emotional state of mind allowed him to.

“Ah, you are a looker,” Jiraya said casually after eating, resting his cheek on his fist and crossing his legs. Sasuke reckoned he looked too huge for such a small table. “You know I write porn for a living, right?”

Sasuke cleared his throat. “Naruto has mentioned it, yes…”

“I kept asking Naruto to let me take a few pictures of the two of you for visual inspiration, nothing too much, of course,” Jiraya told, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. “Maybe that’s why he never introduced you to me before? He was probably scared I’d freak you out.”

“Naruto was never embarrassed by you,” Sasuke countered, shaking his head from side to side. “He always speaks of you and his godmother with the utmost fondness. I think the only reason why you and I haven’t met is simply that Naruto was probably hesitant... considering our situation.”

Making a clicking sound with his tongue, Jiraya huffed. “You know, never in a million years would I have thought that Naruto would ever fall in love with a guy, let alone a married one,” he commented, making Sasuke tense even though there was no judgment to his tone. “Don’t get me wrong, I raised him free of prejudice as you can imagine. I always wanted for him to follow his own heart and his dreams no matter what, so I didn’t impose notions of sexuality or religion upon him; and yet, he always had girlfriends and was never one to explore without attachments, if you know what I mean.”

Sasuke did know. Naruto was an open-minded person, but he was one to give himself wholeheartedly to the person he was dating.

“It’s weird, to be honest,” the older man proceeded, thoughtfully, his eyes narrowing as he stared at Sasuke. “He always got in and out of relationships so quietly. One day he’d tell me he had a girlfriend and then the other he’d tell me they broke up. He would sulk for a couple of days and then move on. I always wondered if he even knew what being in love felt like, you know?”

Naruto had wondered the same, and had voiced this to him, Sasuke recalled. Thinking about it brought a fondness to Sasuke’s heart he couldn’t control. Swallowing hard, he forced himself to finish his pancake.

“When he met you, though…” Jiraya chuckled. “Ah, he spoke of you almost every day! Someone he had a connection with, he said. If it felt like you knew each other forever, he said.  And then he was agonizing about how he had feelings for you, a married man. He was so sure you felt the same way about him, too. At the time, I thought to myself that he was being deluded by a one-sided love, confusing your affection for him as a friend for something else because, you know, you were both straight, or so I thought.”

“I thought so, too,” Sasuke commented, honestly.

Leaning back on the chair, Jiraya crossed his arms over his muscular chest. “I was surprised when he told me you did feel the same way, of course,” he proceeded, with a nod of his head. “I offered him advice and pointed out all the pros and cons as a parent should, and yet, these were things that had been eating at him all along. Naruto would never hesitate to be with a man if he was in love but to be with someone already taken, defies his moral convictions. Especially because he knows his actions would hurt someone, in this case, your wife.”

“Naruto has met her,” Sasuke intervened.

“Yes, and he liked her very much,” Naruto’s godfather confirmed. “I think that, if she wasn’t who she was, Naruto would’ve probably wanted to be friends with her.”

“They’re very similar, I think,” Sasuke added, Jiraya’s strangely good-natured way of talking letting Sasuke feel like he could speak honestly. “Naruto and Karin, my wife, I mean. Or maybe it’s just me who goes for people who are so very different from me, I don’t know. But even if they’re similar, I feel very differently about them both. I mean, I love Karin, but with Naruto, I… it’s exactly like that, we… It feels like we’ve known each other forever. I feel like I’m the happiest when I’m with him, and more importantly, I feel like I can be myself one hundred percent and he’ll always accept me for me.”

Wow, he hadn’t realized how much he had needed to talk about Naruto until now. It was an odd experience, speaking about the blond with a relative of his, and yet, it felt strangely liberating because a part of Sasuke desperately wanted to connect with the man in front of him and make him understand his feelings, no matter what. Jiraya seemed like an understanding man, no doubt about it, and while Sasuke did wish that they had met on a different occasion, this casual intimacy with him was comforting despite him still being a little intimidated.

“Yes, I know,” Jiraya said, offering him a sad smile. “The solution seemed obvious from the start, right? Dump your wife and be with Naruto. But I know things aren’t like that, especially if you’ve had a good relationship with your wife so far and have no reason to leave her. It’s a great risk. Naruto understood it as well since he was always putting himself in your shoes before thinking about what he wanted.”

Hearing this from others still hurt, even if Jiraya’s words were merely informative, devoid of harmful intent. Picking up his mug, Sasuke took a couple of gulps of his coffee, feeling the distinct taste of the whiskey more clearly now. It clouded his head a bit, the feeling nice, but not nice enough to make him feel any less lost.

It was kind of overwhelming that he’d find understanding with a stranger.

“As I said, Sasuke, I’m no one to judge, and you and Naruto need to take care of things on your own.” Jiraya scratched at his chin, where obvious stubble could be seen. “I’m not going to say that you should’ve taken action before it came down to this because you already know that. Besides… Naruto was expecting this all along. I don’t know what happened for him to break up with you, but it still hurt him.”

“I… hurt my wife,” Sasuke confessed, setting down his cup and enveloping it with both hands. As he looked down at it. “I was so lost in my desire to spend time with Naruto that I completely forgot it was my wedding anniversary. And it isn’t supposed to be a big deal, only it was because I never forgot. Karin was a mess, and not only because of this but because I’ve been neglecting and hurting her without even realizing it for weeks.”

It felt good to talk about this, even if it only reminded Sasuke of what a bastard he’d been.

Jiraya hummed. “You may not have realized this, but Naruto hurts for other people, Sasuke,” he said. “Knowing that his actions are causing pain to others is horrible for him because he’s that sort of guy. He broke up with you because he couldn't stand knowing it was because of him that you were hurting your wife. And you may not believe this, but it was the same when he broke up with you. Just knowing that by doing it he’d be hurting you has affected him more than anything else. I’m sure he cried just thinking about how it must’ve felt for you.”

Just the thought of Naruto crying made Sasuke’s stomach churn. It was bad enough that Sasuke had hurt him, but knowing he was hurting on his behalf as well was just…

But wasn’t that how it was between them? Didn’t it ache for Sasuke as well, to know of Naruto’s pain?

“I understand his feelings very well,” he mumbled, bringing a hand to his chest - where an acute pain could be felt - and fisting his t-shirt hard. “More than him breaking up with me, I can’t stand thinking that he’s suffering right now, wanting to be away from me with feelings of guilt towards something that was never his fault, to begin with. I just… I’m the worst… I’m a coward, how could I have let...”

“Sasuke, please calm down,” Jiraya said firmly, quickly unfolding his arms and leaning in to put a strong hand over Sasuke’s knee. “You’re a man, you need to keep your shit together.”

“It’s kind of hard to when I fucked up not only my marriage but also my relationships with the only person I’m sure is my fucking soul mate,” Sasuke snapped, unable to hold back. Then, realizing how inadvertently rudely he had spoken, he looked up at the older man in front of him in shock. “I’m... I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to...

“You don’t need to fucking apologize,” Jiraya said, rolling his eyes at him. “No-one expects you to be in your right mind right now, but you won’t be able to fix anything while you’re like this.”

“I know.”

Jiraya’s hand shook his knee empathically, a small smirk curving the corner of his mouth. “Hey, hot stuff. You do love him a lot, don’t you? My Naruto, I mean.”

“Of course, I do,” Sasuke replied without hesitating. And gods, did it feel good to say it out loud.

“And he loves you, too, mark my words!” The way Jiraya said it left no room for doubt, and oddly enough, it eased something within Sasuke’s very soul. “But sometimes, just love isn’t enough, Sasuke. If you love someone, you’ll give them your all. You can’t just say that you love them so easily and not be ready to take responsibility for what it means to you; because ‘love’ means you’re ready to give yourself wholeheartedly to another person, mind, body, and soul. More than anything, it’s a commitment and a promise to cherish, respect, and devote a part of yourself, and your life, to someone else; be it in a romantic context or not.”

Ah, hadn’t Itachi said something similar to him, too?

I am an idiot, Sasuke thought, for the first time in a while feeling a strong pang of longing for his brother’s presence, even to hear him say ‘I told you so’, and yet, he couldn’t even reach Itachi through the phone.

“I know your situation isn’t like Naruto’s; you can’t just decide to be with him without weighing the consequences, I know that,” Jiraya said, with an understanding but firm voice. “But if you do want to fix things, you’ll need to think about what loving Naruto means to you. Is that ‘love’ worth destroying your marriage? Is it enough for you to want to tell your family about it? Is it enough for you to want to go out there and expose yourself as a man who loves another man? Enough to let go of social concepts of normalcy? Is Naruto really what you want in your future?”

“Of course, he is,” Sasuke replied, once more without hesitation, but this time, he surprised himself at how instantly these sorts of answers left his mouth. “I know I’ve been dragging this situation out for a long time, but I have no doubts in my mind that…”

“Sasuke, no. You need to listen to me,” Jiraya muttered, shaking his head from side to side and squeezing Sasuke’s knee.  “Just like you need time to sort your shit out, Naruto, too, needs his space right now. You both need to put your feet back on the ground and see things from a different perspective and understand, both of you, what you want and what you’re willing to change your life for. I honestly don’t think you should pursue Naruto for a while.”

“How can I not do that?” Sasuke asked, the thought alone of not seeing Naruto provoking a reaction similar to panic. “I need to apologize to him! He needs to understand that I’m sorry, that I don’t want him to suffer, that I want him by my side and…”

“You think he doesn’t know?” Jiraya grunted, impatiently. “Sasuke, he probably understands your heart better than anyone else! And what good is it? Will it change your situation? You telling him these things is worthless unless you have something substantial to back it up with, and I’m sorry for saying this, but right now you have nothing!”

The truth hit Sasuke like a truck. That was right, he had nothing. He hadn’t been able, to be honest with Karin, he had come clean to his family, nothing. Apart from being buried in shit up to his nose, nothing had changed. He hadn’t changed anything.

“I’m no one to intervene, and you and I have just met, but I know Naruto better than anyone else,” Jiraya proceeded, clearly forcing his voice to soften. “If you want to get him back, you’ll need to sort shit out with your wife and organize your thoughts and feelings towards this situation once and for all. You can contact Naruto in a few days to check up on him but don’t try to make demands until you have something to offer because you’ll only hurt him, and yourself. Do you understand?”

“You’re right,” Sasuke replied, with a single nod, unable to face the other man’s eyes any longer.

“You can’t just go around in circles with him anymore; he simply won’t let you, no matter how much he cares about you,” Jiraya stated. “This is your final stage, Sasuke; there is no going back. This is where you either move forward or go back. You either want to be with Naruto and actually take the initiative to do something about it or you go back to your wife and try to fix things with her.”

Fuck, no one would believe a porn writer could be this wise. Everything he said made sense, even if it went against Sasuke’s wishes and even if it was hard to accept.

His voice got stuck in his throat. Once more, breathing proved to be a difficult task and he knew that he couldn’t speak for a while if he wanted to keep his composure and not break down again.

Jiraya seemed to sense his feelings because a strong hand landed on the top of Sasuke’s head now. “It’s alright, Sasuke,” Jiraya assured, quietly. “You’re going to be fine.”

Sasuke didn’t utter another word for a few minutes. Jiraya demanded nothing of him, his imposing figure an odd source of security and intimacy.

Fuck. Life sure proved to be fucking hard when you least expected it to.

000

Sasuke stayed with Jiraiya for a while longer after breakfast. To make up for the trouble, he helped Jiraya clean up the kitchen despite the man’s protests. By the time he shyly (but gratefully) said his thanks and goodbyes to him – and got lots of words of encouragement in return – he felt like he could see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel; only the path towards it would be very, very dark.

He wasn’t expecting Jiraya to say good things about him to Naruto. Sasuke wasn’t sure if Jiraiya had liked him, but he didn’t seem to be the type of person who’d offer advice in his favor if he didn’t.

At least now he felt calmer and his ideas were more in place than they had been. He never thought that he’d find comfort in someone like Jiraya, but the man had been nothing but honest and welcoming despite being close to Naruto and defending his best interests.

Everything will be fine! Jiraya had said, offering him two thumbs up and a huge, blinding smile.

Sasuke tried hard not to feel disheartened by Jiraya’s advice of not forcing himself onto Naruto unless he had something worthwhile to offer, but he couldn’t help but still feel selfish. He wanted to text Naruto at least and ask him where he was and if he was okay. Naruto might not reply, but if he did, even a single word, his heart would be put at ease.

He still had time until he had to go to work, so he walked about 30 minutes to the nearest underground station - he found that it soothed him somehow. He took the chance to text Karin and ask how she was doing. She replied saying she was alright and asking him when they’d be returning home. He said he didn’t know yet. He also called his mom to tranquilize her worries.

Sasuke was determined to only speak to Karin face to face again once he was ready to tell her the whole truth. However, before that, other things needed to be taken care of, one stage at a time.

Without Naruto, the prospect was even scarier, and it sucked because Sasuke wasn’t a person to get scared easily, and yet when it came to this, it was simply nerve-wracking.

Work was spent in the blissful oblivion of physical labor. The coffee shop had been so ridiculously busy that he’d barely had time to stop and think about anything at all, so by the time the day was over, Sasuke felt like his mind had been able to purge away most of the irrational thoughts he’d had before. He didn’t even feel sad anymore, just oddly lonely.

On his way back to his parents’ place, Jiraya’s words resonated within him. He knew that, if he wanted things to go his way, he’d have to reach out and take hold of them himself. He thought he’d have his back covered, yet now he was alone.  He knew that he’d either move forward or he’d simply go back to the life he’d lived before Naruto.

But he wasn’t the same person now as he’d been before. Now, he understood the purity of love, the luscious hell of lust and true, agonizing fear. He understood what loneliness felt like. He knew what rejection was. Now, he knew what it meant to laugh, to feel contentment, to have goals. Now he knew what it was like to look at the future and know what he wanted to see there. Now he understood what it meant to not be able to live without another person.

These things seemed so far-fetched he thought, for sure, he was dramatizing, but there was no helping the way he felt.

It didn’t matter if he was now gay or whatever it was that people considered to be a relevant label for his feelings towards another man. It was Naruto’s heart he wanted to own, Naruto’s body he wanted to touch, Naruto’s annoyingly loud voice he wanted to hear, and Naruto’s smile he wanted to see every day. It didn’t matter where they were or what they were doing – everything seemed possible if only they could only be together.

He didn’t care who hated him as long as Naruto loved him. That was how powerful, yet pitiful Naruto made him feel.

But it was alright. He now understood that, no matter what happened in the future, this is what his very soul had chosen. Surely, he’d accepted this fate from the very first moment he’d intertwined his fingers with Naruto’s at that beer parlor. Regardless of what the future brought, there was no turning back from any of it now – Sasuke didn’t want to anyway. For good or bad, he had chosen this.

And he wasn’t going to live a life of lies and misery just to protect Karin or to keep himself from going through a horrible situation.

Maybe it was a good thing that this sadness made him feel more selfish than scared. Somehow, everything now seemed a lot less frightening than the thought of losing Naruto.

Like walking in a dream, Sasuke arrived at his parents’ house with his heart beating frantically inside his chest, and yet, his mind was marvelously quiet. His parents were both in the kitchen having a cup of tea at the table, and they both looked up at the same time when he stepped inside. Even his father’s closed expression was showing off visible signs of concern.

“Hello, honey, welcome home,” his mother said softly, offering him a small smile. “How are you feeling?”

Sasuke’s eyes moved from one parent to the other a few times. He watched his mother’s graceful features, her kind but assertive personality always such a source of comfort. He loved his mother so much, and there had never been anyone more supportive and defensive of his and Itachi’s antics than her. She prioritized her sons’ happiness above anything else. Sasuke recalled how happy she was when he told her he was dating Karin – back then, Mikoto thought that he was far too antisocial and feared that he might have issues relating to others since he’d rarely ever introduced any friends or girlfriends to her. She and Karin had become close, too.

And then his father, always ready to say ‘no’, more critical and perfectionist than anything else, but also one who would always say a few needed words of motivation. Neither Sasuke or Itachi had received a lot of physical affection from him, and both had found him to be scary when they were kids. As adults, though, they understood that Fugaku was simply emotionally awkward and had a rather strange way of showing his love, but he always had – through hard work, through wonderful family vacations, through small touches or glances, through his constant protection and his desire to always see them happy.

Looking at him now, a man still handsome despite the age marks, Sasuke remembered how much he had hungered for Fugaku’s appreciation and attention as a child. He had always loved his father and always wanted to be someone he could be proud of.

He wondered how his parents would see him once they knew who he truly was and the things he’d done. He wondered what they’d say once he shattered their dreams of the perfect son.

Would they accept him or reject him?

He didn’t want to lose his parents, either.

Well, he couldn’t let that doubt stop him now. Wasn't it because of doubts and fears that he was in this situation, to begin with? This was who he was, and who he wanted to be.

“Mother, father,” Sasuke said, firmly. “We need to talk.”

TBC…

Chapter Text

It’s Not Fair

Chapter Twenty-Two: Accountability

There was a distinctive silence in the kitchen as Sasuke stopped talking - the tension in the air seemed to have been spiced up with ridiculous amounts of confusion as well as hesitation.

The last rays of sun filtered through the window behind Sasuke, painting everything around them in gentle tones of orange and red. If not for the situation, one would say that the setting was comforting and peaceful.

In a way, Sasuke wished this was a family meeting rather than him being alone with his parents, because, somehow, Itachi’s absence was very noticeable all of a sudden. His usual chair was empty, and somehow the sight never failed to make Sasuke feel a strange sort of loneliness, even if it had been a few years since he stopped living with his parents.

Their family had always gathered, the four of them, to talk about great and important things, and right now, one of the elements was missing.

Regardless, this was Sasuke’s moment, with or without Itachi.

Sasuke hadn’t thought about what he was going to tell his parents at all, and since he hadn’t exactly practiced his speech beforehand, in that specific moment he had simply blurted things out as blatantly, quickly, and as concisely as possible so his courage wouldn’t falter at the last moment. Only the important bits had left his mouth, though, and if questioned about it, he honestly couldn’t remember what kind of words had been uttered by him. He was sure he had mentioned falling in love with his ex-co-worker (who happened to be a man), cheating on Karin, and wanting a divorce, at least. Whether he had been crude, vulgar, passionate, dispassionate, emotional, or just idiotic, he had no idea - there had been no premeditated speech pattern, anyway.

At least he had said what needed to be said and forced himself into a situation he couldn’t possibly back away from.

It didn’t feel real, and the vomit of confessions had shocked him as much as it had, surely, shocked both his parents; but at least it was out there now.

As it was, he just kept looking from one parent to the other in anticipation while feeling sick to his stomach. It was done, but the worst part was still to come. Both his fists were clenched over his knees, his hands sweating profusely. However, there was also a sense of relief and confidence within him because he was finally certain of what he was doing, and yet, another part of him was panicking since he didn’t want to lose his parents over something like this. Not knowing what was coming out of this situation was unnerving.

Said parents hadn’t uttered a word during the time he’d been shoving the news to their faces, but as soon as he had finished, they had exchanged accomplice looks between them and were both now staring at Sasuke.

In his distress, Sasuke tried to read their expressions, but he couldn’t make anything out of them - his mother’s mouth was slightly open while his father simply watched him with an impassiveness that Sasuke had seen far too many times, and not always for bad reasons, but certainly not for particularly good ones either.

Feeling this way made him feel childish, which was very upsetting since he was already an adult, but… somehow, parents would always be parents, and the respect and love Sasuke held for them would always exist.

After what felt like hours with nothing but their collective breathing and the noises of the street outside of the house as a soundtrack, Fugaku cleared his throat, the sound almost making Sasuke jump right out of his skin.

“Sasuke,” his father called, in his stern but far too composed voice. “Please go fetch me a glass of whiskey, and bring one for yourself while you’re at it.”

“Yes, father,” Sasuke replied all too quickly, immediately getting up and making his way to the living room, making sure his steps didn’t look too agitated - he had to keep his cool, even if he felt like a kid knowing he was about to get scolded. His knees felt weak, but he wasn’t going to let it show. Why the hell everyone thought he needed a fucking drink he couldn’t understand, but he still made his way towards the large dark wooden cabinet where his father kept all the expensive beverages and poured the drink over two crystal glasses, making sure there was enough to last for a while. As he poured, Sasuke frantically tried to imagine what could be going through his father’s mind but he had no fucking idea. Worse than his father’s anger was his father wearing expressions he couldn’t interpret, and it was a bit frightening.

It wasn’t like Sasuke had any reason to complain about either of his parents, quite the contrary - both Fugaku and Mikoto were wonderful, hard-working people, always present for their children and always thinking about family first. Granted, they had always valued the importance of rules, tradition, and respect - one would call them slightly old-fashioned, even - but they had always been good, loving parents, each in their way.

His father was an intelligent, strict man who liked things to go his way and didn’t tolerate disrespect. In his mind, there had always been a predesigned concept of how his family should be, and he had made sure things went according to plan for everyone. One glare was enough to freeze anyone on the spot. Affection was rare coming from him, but there hadn’t been a single moment when he had denied anything acceptable to his children or wife, and he had always been receptive to listening when they needed him to.

Sasuke and Itachi had been able to be normal kids despite Fugaku’s discipline and desire for them to be good students and respectable human beings. Both of them had tried their best to become someone he’d be proud of, but in the end, neither of them would probably ever be the great individuals Fugaku had ambitioned - just look at the choices Itachi had made after everything it had been expected of him.

Still, disappointed as he might have been, Fugaku had respected Itachi’s choices. Sasuke could only hope that he would be just as lucky.

Mikoto, on the other hand, was a sweet, kind, and beautiful woman who had the feistiest temper when one would least expect her to. She was easier to play with and to talk to than Fugaku, but as his wife, she always took his side unless it was something she strongly disagreed with. As a couple, and as parents, they were as united and faithful to each other as they could be, and while this had been frustrating a few years back, now Sasuke understood how important this had always been in bringing him and Itachi up and establishing stability and cohesion in their family.

Despite everything, within the limits of rationality, both his parents had always been completely supportive.

Sasuke knew that, while they had never been wealthy by any means, he and Itachi had always been privileged. They had never gone through any sort of difficulties and never had they faced any sort of horrible crisis that he could recall. In many ways, one could say that they were the perfect family, and Sasuke had always believed that they were.

It was just that something like this had never presented itself, and Sasuke had no idea what kind of impact it would have.

Well, it didn’t matter; he would have to face the tigers head-on, anyway. This was his future, and the decision he had made.

Taking a long and very deep breath to regain some courage once the beverages were ready, Sasuke grabbed both glasses, tilted his chin proudly up, and made his way back to the kitchen with newfound resolution in his step. He found that his parents hadn’t moved from their initial positions, and wondered if they had even talked to each other while he’d been in the living room.

Carefully, Sasuke placed the glass down, in front of his father, and promptly moved to sit across from him at the round table once more, his mother sitting on the chair between them.

To mask his discomfort, Sasuke took a small sip of his drink. His father’s eyes were on him with penetrating intensity.

When Sasuke put the glass down, Fugaku cleared his throat. “Let me see if I understood the basics of what you just told us,” he said, his tone carrying its usual grumpiness, his words clear. Sasuke looked him deep in the eye. “You have met a man while working at school and have been having an affair with him. Now you claim to be in love with him and want to divorce Karin.”

“It sounds very plain and immature when you phrase it like that,” Sasuke retorted, shifting slightly in his seat.

“That’s how it sounded to me,” his father informed, mercilessly. “You sound like a child whining about something you must have no matter the cost.”

Sasuke inhaled sharply. He should’ve expected his father’s implacable straightforwardness. For some reason, he could feel his fear being chewed away by a sudden nagging sense of annoyance.

“What your father means to say is that it’s clear you’re still hot-headed about this situation you have gotten yourself into,” his mother explained, with a hesitant and forced smile towards Sasuke, probably sensing his change of mood. “We are glad you felt like you wanted to come to us for advice since this is a very serious thing, but you must understand how it all sounds to us…”

“I didn’t come to you for advice,” Sasuke interrupted firmly, his eyes quickly turning to his mother now, whose smile all but vanished. “Maybe I haven’t expressed myself the way I should have, and I’m sorry you got the wrong idea, but what I came here to do is tell you my feelings for another man, and what I am going to do about it regardless of your opinion on it. That’s about all there is to it.”

Fugaku’s eyebrows rose at his son and Mikoto closed her mouth before throwing a pleading look at her husband. Sasuke had to swallow hard at the almost offended expression that crossed his father’s features - he hadn’t meant to be rude, but he felt like he was being underestimated, and worst of all, that his feelings and resolution weren’t being taken seriously. Out of all people, he couldn’t allow his own family to not understand him.

Fugaku heaved an almost irritated sigh, his eyes narrowing. “You are an adult, and what you choose to do with your life doesn’t concern us as long as we know that you are alive and well and that you lack for nothing,” he started, slowly and seriously. “As parents, that is all we need to be at ease. You know that. You know that, no matter how many plans your mother and I have made for you and your brother, and no matter how much pressure we put on both of you to always succeed, in the end, we let you both follow your paths as you pleased. Of course, every parent has a concept of what their children should be like, but there comes a time when it’s best to let them go if we want them to be happy. Your happiness will always be more important than whatever I, or your mother, want.”

Unable to help himself, Sasuke swallowed hard once more, feeling his throat suddenly dry. “I know that, father,” he whispered. Sensing that Fugaku had more to say, he said no more.

“We have always supported you, and Itachi no matter how crazy your decisions were,” Fugaku reminded, his tone lowering to a slightly darker one. “We’ve always respected both of you. This is why I cannot understand this situation, Sasuke. How long have you been in the closet? Did you marry Karin to pretend that you were straight? Did you do it to please us?”

The questions came with the force of a whip, and Sasuke’s eyes became wide, his lips parting in surprise. “No, father; that’s not…”

“I don’t know what disappoints me the most,” Fugaku cut, sternly crossing his arms over his chest. “If it’s the fact that you have been hiding a life I know nothing about for years, or the fact that I believed you to be genuine and honest, and yet you’ve been someone else entirely this whole time and lying to us.”

“I didn’t hide anything!” Sasuke protested, his heart thumping loudly in his ears. His father was misunderstanding everything. “I wasn’t in the closet and I didn’t lie about anything, ever! I married Karin because I wanted to! I never liked men before this! Hell, before I got together with Karin I didn’t even like anyone, let alone care about love, or sex, or anything!”

“Did you marry her because you thought it would be proper to like someone, then?”

Once again, Fugaku’s words were precise and straight to the point. Mikoto whispered something under her breath that Sasuke couldn’t hear, but the eldest man proceeded. “I know your story with Karin, and I know it wasn't an explosion of events, nor a fireworks show of emotions for you. Did you think you had to learn how to love her? Were you struggling with your identity? Or did you think we thought it wouldn’t be alright for you to be the way you are? That we’d be disappointed if you had no interest in people?”

And, this time, there was no instinct in Sasuke to snap back. He had no idea what to say to that, and the question genuinely left him overwhelmed.

How could his father be so shockingly perceptive?

Now that Sasuke thought of it...

Had he? Had he allowed himself to be with Karin just so he could get out of his apathy, just so he could convince himself that he was capable of loving, of being normal, of desiring something, and someone? Just so he could believe that he could genuinely connect to another human being romantically?

“I… I don’t know,” Sasuke breathed, looking down at his glass in confusion, bringing a hand to his mouth. “I liked her. I do like her. She… she put up with me and loved me despite my temper and my flaws, and I thought... I thought it would be fine if we got together. I liked her enough. It progressed naturally and slowly, and I just went along…everything was so easy, I...”

Beside him, his mother released a small, sad gasp. “Oh, Sasuke,” she uttered, placing a small hand on his wrist. “That’s not how relationships should be. That is not the kind of love that should make two people get married. That’s not that kind of love, honey.”

“I know that now,” Sasuke said blankly, glancing at her. “Naruto’s existence has taught me that.”

His mother’s hand was warm and tightened reassuringly around his wrist. For some reason, it seemed to calm him down considerably and blow most of his worries away. He forced a small smile towards her, who nodded at him.

There was another moment of silence during which Sasuke had to process his own emotions and thoughts with his parents’ eyes on him. Fugaku’s impressive and devastating words resonated within him in ways he hadn’t expected. Then, his father shifted and grabbed his glass.

“Well, you can’t expect us to not have been concerned about your general lack of empathy at the time,” he said, his tone softer. Bringing the glass close to his lips, he looked down at it with a strange solemnity.  “People were always drawn to you, but you always turned to Itachi and our family instead. We were relieved when you made friends you cared for, and it’s obvious that we were glad when you introduced Karin as your girlfriend. However, Sasuke, we knew you were never unhappy the way you were. You enjoyed being who you were, and that was fine with us. You were always a smart, healthy person. It would be fine if you never had a girlfriend - you at least made the effort to be involved with people, but if it turned out that you didn’t want to, we’d respect that. The way you were was something that never conditioned your life.”

Sasuke didn’t reply for a while, but when he did, he struggled to find the right words. “I was happy with Karin. Or, I thought I was until I met Naruto. Being married to her was… I was happy. Or maybe it was just… a feeling of things being okay, unburdened, simple, even.” Sasuke paused because he was having a hard time understanding himself, and yet, the more he thought about it the clearer things became. “I don’t know. There was nothing wrong with us. I didn’t feel anything wrong with us, ever. But then, with Naruto, I felt what it was like to feel… right. More than just ‘okay’, it felt like… like something I was supposed to feel with another person. Everything else started to feel wrong then.”

“This… Naruto person,” Mikoto intervened, gently. “How long have you and he been having an affair?”

“A few months, not even half a year,” Sasuke confessed. His mother inhaled sharply, but he pretended like he didn’t notice. It didn't matter how long he and Naruto had been seeing each other - it felt like they’d already spent a lifetime together. “He didn’t like men either, so everything was very clear, yet very confusing for both of us from the start. It just happened, and it happened that we’re coincidentally both men. He confessed first, yet he didn’t want to be with me because he knew I was married, and that goes beyond his moral values.”

Sasuke sighed, knowing this would sound horrible in his parents eyes. “Even though he established a boundary with me, in the end, it was all on me. I took the first step and made sure neither of us could turn away anymore. Neither of us fought against it, but as soon as I could, I grabbed hold of him and didn’t want to let go. Even if he told me he would leave, eventually, unless I decided what I wanted for us. I still went for it because I wanted to know what it would be like… to become his lover. ”

Fugaku finally took a sip on his whisky and took his time to let the conversation sink in, seeming only slightly perturbed by his son's rather bold words. “You do realize that a few months is hardly enough time for two people to know each other, regardless of gender? It’s hardly enough time to justify ruining your marriage. I mean, if you feel like you don’t want to be with Karin anymore, that’s another thing, but to leave her for this man…”

“It’s no use, father; I love him, ” Sasuke said, shaking his head from side to side as he closed his eyes. “I knew it had to be him from the first moment we shared a more meaningful touch. But, I was scared of letting go of Karin. I was scared of how you guys would react, and I was scared of stupid, useless things like falling out of love once I had everything I wanted from him. Needless to say, it didn’t happen. My fears only made me ruin things with Karin and forced Naruto to take action and finally break up with me.”

For some reason, Fugaku groaned.

“Sasuke, look at me,” his mother whispered, shaking his wrist a bit. Sasuke opened his eyes and looked at her firmly, even though his chest was heavy. He saw her eyes, much like his, scanning his features as if trying to read him. Being his mother, he felt like his very soul was completely exposed to her scrutinizing gaze. “First of all, it doesn’t matter if you’re gay or not. You are our son, first and foremost. If you don’t consider yourself gay, we understand, but we would be very disappointed in you if you had been gay all along and hadn’t told us because we have, and will always be, here for you, no matter what.”

A strand of Mikoto’s long, dark hair fell delicately over her chest, and for some reason, Sasuke found her devastatingly beautiful. He hadn’t thought of his mother like that since he was a kid, but now, looking at her, still young-looking and always warm, he couldn’t help it.

Sasuke couldn’t respond to how relieved this made him feel, so he just nodded. He was afraid that, if he said a single word, he’d end up crying. He should’ve known his parents would never reject him, so why had he been so hesitant in the first place? Now he felt like shit.

“Thank you,” he eventually whispered, his voice barely audible. Mikoto reached out with her free hand to caress his cheek gently - another gesture of comfort. It seemed as though the world was committed to making him feel terrible about himself at every possible chance. But, he supposed he had it coming.

“You want to divorce Karin, but you say Naruto has left you,” Fugaku mumbled, tapping his fingers around the glass in his hand. “I’m sorry, Sasuke, but while it’s clear that you’re infatuated with this man, the immediate impression I have is that you are being toyed with.”

Leave it to his father to always be a pessimist.

“As I said, Naruto warned me he would from the beginning if I didn’t make a decision,” Sasuke explained firmly, looking up at the older man. “He’s not that kind of person, father; he’s a good, decent and faithful man. He came out to everyone about being in love with me without hesitating. I was the one who had it coming; I was the one who dragged out our situation and took him for granted. I hurt him. He was very upset that my recklessness was hurting Karin, too.”

“You are my son and I love you, but what you did - your course of action - was beyond anything I’ve ever thought you’d do,” Fugaku said, with obvious exasperation. Sasuke had a hard time, but he didn’t turn his gaze away from the intensity of his father’s.

“It was beyond anything I’ve ever thought I’d do, too,” he admitted. He took a deep breath. “Still, I feel like this is what had to happen. Not the way it did, but that, somehow, Naruto and I were supposed to meet and become like this. I have no doubts about how he feels about me, either.”

“Even so, what if he doesn’t want you back?” Fugaku insisted. “What will you do then, Sasuke? With a ruined marriage and without the person you ruined it for?”

Despite himself, Sasuke found the will to smile, which surprised Fugaku. Oddly enough, he had the answer to that question at the tip of his tongue.

“I know he won’t want me back unless I’m free from Karin, and from myself,” Sasuke replied. “I need to settle things first, and then go to him. I know he wants me as much as I want him, but even if he doesn’t find me worthy of being his lover again, it doesn’t matter. We can’t be without each other anymore, so I’m sure I’ll have him in my life eventually, even if just as a friend. It’s fine, as long as I have him.”

Sasuke paused, thinking his own words over while his father remained silent, patiently waiting for him to proceed. “I feel like… I can’t pretend anymore. I’d rather be alone and live with my feelings for him than be with Karin and pretend like I’m not in love with someone else. Even if it fades with time, even if I never have him again… all I care about is that, right now, this is what makes sense to me. I’ve been lying to myself this whole time; it’s time for me to be faithful to my feelings for once.”

A soft and unexpected sob made Sasuke jump slightly in his seat and turn to his mother to see that she was crying, her big, beautiful eyes on him watery as tears poured from them, her hand still a powerful anchor on him. For a moment, Sasuke felt the pang of horror and remorse fill him - seeing his mother cry was such a rare thing it had become one of the worst things for him to witness.

“Don’t.” Mikoto effectively stopped him when he was going to apologize, so Sasuke closed his mouth as she wiped at her tears with her free hand. She smiled adoringly at him, and he felt his worry instantly melting away. “It’s just a lot of information for me to process, but I’m not mad at you or anything, just surprised. Surprised that you’ve grown up this much and that you’ve finally taken some risks in your life for something you’re passionate about. In this case, someone. It’s so strange to listen to you speak like this.”

She released a small chuckle. “You didn’t go about it the right way, but I never thought I’d see the day when you’d genuinely want something to the point of throwing all caution to the wind. You were always so disinterested, so calculating, just like your father. I’m not sure whether I should feel reproachful or proud.”

Sasuke let out a choked laugh before placing his hand over his mother’s at last. “I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything in my life like I want Naruto. It’s probably the single thing I’m sure of at this point. And, I plan on pursuing him, as soon as I can give myself to him wholeheartedly.”

“You better, since you’re willing to risk so much for this person,” Fugaku grunted, before leaning back on his chair. He looked oddly tired, but not once had Sasuke seen him looking angry, and this put him at ease. There was worry on his father’s face, though. “Even if you say you’re not gay, if you get together with that man, you will be seen as a gay man. I don’t care if you sleep with a man, as surely you have already, but it’s not yet something as accepted by society as people seem to think. I don’t want you to be a subject of prejudice and cruelty.”

The man seemed to have hesitated and chosen his words carefully, but when he looked into Sasuke’s eyes, genuine concern and compassion could be seen, and it made Sasuke’s heart fill with a surge of love and gratefulness for him. “Sasuke… out of everything, that’s what I honestly hate about all of this.”

Mikoto nodded her agreement.

However much he appreciated his father’s words, Sasuke merely shrugged, his smile still in place. “Naruto and I have seen how people look at us; it’s not like we were only together behind closed doors,” he told them, looking from one parent to the other. “I know how people are and what they think. Some are alright with it, some aren’t, but I don’t care. I never did. I care about what you two think, about what my friends think, and about what Itachi thinks; other than that, it means nothing to me.”

His mother sighed, her eyes still filled with tears. There was a pained expression on her features now, but she quickly tried to conceal it by wiping away her eyes again. “That’s… so very brave of you, in a sense,” she muttered, sniffing delicately. “But, honey, what about Karin? She doesn’t deserve this. She doesn’t know. You’re going to hurt her if you ask for a divorce out of the blue.”

“She knows things have been weird for a while. I’m going to tell her everything,” Sasuke said, looking down at the hand he had over his mother’s. “I don’t want her to hate me, but… I don’t want to lie to her anymore. This is how it has to be.”

“You shouldn’t have dragged this out for so long,” Fugaku scolded, the way his tone became slightly more imposing now being enough to make Sasuke cringe. “You have made a lot of damage unnecessarily. If you wanted to be with this man from the beginning, you should’ve been honest.”

“Yeah, I know. Itachi told me this would happen, but I thought I could out best it, somehow.”

His mother gasped. “Itachi knows?!”

Despite his very composed demeanor, Fugaku scoffed. “Of course, he knows, Mikoto; Sasuke always tells him everything before telling us.”

His father seemed so nonchalant, but it was clear that he observed his family closely.

“I told him when he was here on vacation,” Sasuke told them, for some reason feeling apologetic. “That was actually on the same day that I… kissed Naruto for the first time.”

He had no idea why he had said something like that, and while it was obvious that Fugaku and Mikoto were a little taken aback at the exposure, neither expressed shock. Sasuke felt like a child, talking about his first kiss. He didn’t remember if he had ever talked about his first kiss with his parents. He didn’t even remember what his first kiss had been like nor whom it had happened with.

“Even at such an early stage, you felt like you needed to talk to your brother about him?” Fugaku inquired, thoughtfully grabbing hold of his cheek. “You only told Itachi about Karin a few months after you were already dating her.”

“Yeah.” Sasuke paused again. “Itachi has met Naruto, too.”

“Oh.” There was understanding and compassion on Mikoto’s features then. “You do care about this Naruto, don’t you?”

“He’s everything to me.” The words left Sasuke’s mouth easily, softly. “I feel like I only know myself when I’m with him. He taught me so much, gave me so much, and only asked to be loved in return. I am… complete, and fulfilled every second that he’s beside me. It’s like I was wearing a costume of myself before I met him. I thought I knew who I was, yet I just keep discovering new things about myself thanks to him.”

To Sasuke’s fascination, the corner of  Fugaku’s mouth twitched ever so slightly and curved upwards for a second before he became serious once more. “When are you planning on talking to Karin?”

“In a few days,” Sasuke replied. “I want to sort myself out first, get my emotions in check, away from her. I need to think about my life properly, and my goals, so I’m not left feeling lost once it’s all over. I need to have my feet on the ground when I talk to her. I don’t have that now since I’m still… pretty down about Naruto dumping me.”

“What are you going to do afterwards?” Mikoto asked, concerned. “At least we can talk about it so we can help you?”

“I want to see Naruto at least once before I talk to Karin, to make sure he’s okay, but I won’t demand anything from him until I’m divorced.” Sasuke decided. “Afterwards I… I don’t know, it depends. Karin can have the apartment if she wants; I don’t want it and it’s not like we’ll get any money from selling it at this point.”

“You know you’re always welcome here, Sasuke,” Fugaku reminded easily.

Nodding gratefully at him, Sasuke smiled. He hadn’t thought about what his future would look like afterward, but with his parents’ support, everything seemed strangely clear. “I guess I’ll crash here for a while, yeah, and keep working. I think… I’d like to go and stay with Itachi after the divorce process begins. I want to think things over and go back to Naruto with confidence. I don’t want him to ever see me conflicted anymore; not about him.”

Crossing his arms over his chest once more, Fugaku nodded his approval, even though he was frowning heavily. “Son, you do what you need to do. We would lie if we said that this is something we expected; it’s not. We were hoping you’d have a happy life with Karin and your future children, and that you wouldn’t have to suffer through the difficulties and challenges of life,” he admitted. “As your mother said, it’s not about you loving another man, it could never be. I cannot say that I am pleased with this situation, but if this is what you want right now, I will support you even if I think you might have regrets later on. A part of me is scared for you, but another part is proud that you’re taking hold of your fate no matter how painful it may be. As it is, do what you need to do right now. We are here for you and hoping that everything will go well in the end.”

“Ah, your father can be very sentimental sometimes, can’t he?” Mikoto said with a huge grin as yet another unwanted tear rolled down her cheek.

Feeling very emotional, Sasuke shook his head from side to side and reached out a hand to wipe her tear away with the back of his index finger. “Stop crying already, mother, you’re embarrassing me,” he teased gently.

“I’ll cry as much as I want,” she said, feigning a pout and playfully swatting his hand away. “Is there anything we can do for you? Do you want us to be there with you when you talk to Karin? Shall we talk to her family?”

“No, mother, don’t worry about it,” Sasuke dismissed, with a sigh. “I will do what needs to be done alone, that’s how it has to be. You and father have done more than enough for me right now. I’m grateful to have you as my parents, you’ve given me a lot of strength.”

He and Fugaku shared a look, and so many things were shared in those seemingly never ending seconds that Sasuke felt like, for the first time, the two of them had somehow reached an everlasting understanding - one they hadn’t been able to have this way up until now. Sasuke knew, without needing words from his father, that he would always be loved, listened to, and supported no matter what.

And this was more than he had ever hoped for.

“You’re a good man, Sasuke, and you were always a good child,” Fugaku commented, his voice becoming slightly crestfallen, if his imposing stance, with his back very straight, hadn’t faltered. “How you could’ve thought we’d cast you out is a mystery to me. I know I’m not flexible like your mother, but you cannot possibly think that badly of me.”

Sasuke snorted a bit, but offered him an intimate smile as well.“I don’t think badly of you at all, but you are very stern, and conservative, at times.”

Fugaku’s features relaxed visibly at that. “True, but my children are my children, and there’s nothing more important to me than our family, no matter how reckless they are or how many stupid things they do.”

“All things considered, I think Sasuke and Itachi haven’t been that stupid,” Mikoto joked between an emotive hiccup. “At least they are both searching for genuine happiness.”

“True,” Fugaku conceded, finally allowing himself to smile just a tiny bit. “I just sincerely hope this Naruto person is worth the trouble.”

Sasuke released a loud, impulsive laugh.

“Don’t worry father,” he replied softly. “If he isn’t, I doubt anyone will ever be.”

000

Time seemed to fly then. Both Fugaku and Mikoto wanted to know more about Naruto, details about his relationship with Sasuke, and how they had gotten together. It was because Sasuke wanted his parents to understand how things had progressed and find sense and respect for what he and Naruto had that he told them as much as he could - and also because it gave him pleasure talking about Naruto to his family. The more he told them the more at ease he became and more resolute he felt.

It was as if a complicated sort of liberty somehow had reached him because he never thought that he’d be able to be free to talk to his parents the same way he talked to Itachi. Nothing could replace such a wonderful gift at this moment.

No word in the dictionary could express the overwhelming gratitude and happiness he felt. If there was a god, they had blessed Sasuke greatly.

He had poured himself and his father another drink. His mother had offered him advice on several things. He had been reprimanded several times, but he had also made them laugh with stories of Naruto - he wanted dearly and desperately for them to want to meet the man he loved. It was very late when his mother remembered she had to make dinner, and Sasuke promptly decided he should help her. For some reason, his father joined them. It was a sort of interaction between them as a family that hadn’t happened in years.

Even this was all new and a little baffling. Even away from Naruto, Sasuke was still finding things out about himself and discovering feelings he never thought he could have. Thanks to Naruto, he had the chance to connect to his parents like he hadn’t in years.

And, as if his very soul had been placated by some invisible being, Sasuke just knew that, as soon as he got hold of himself, he would be able to pull this through and get Naruto back, for sure.

Failing was not an option anymore, and if the fates were turning their tides in his favor, then there was no room for doubt - he and Naruto belonged together.

And he would fight for it with everything he had.

That night, he went to bed feeling as if his body was made of feathers rather than flesh and bone - he felt so much lighter even his mind felt like it didn’t belong to him - but all of this was positive. Sasuke felt emotionally drained but, peculiarly, filled with a sense of inexplicable bliss, as if nothing anyone could say or do could ever be able to shake him or influence him negatively at this point. After the last three days of his life, this was a more than welcome feeling.

He thought about Naruto for a bit, but while that longing still hurt, it didn’t feel like the end of the world anymore, maybe because he had somehow stopped being scared of how he felt and of what life would be like regardless of the outcome. After texting Karin a few words, he all but immersed himself in a dreamless, heavy slumber that carried him easily towards the next morning without a fuss.

000

Sasuke still couldn’t believe how surprisingly simple his life felt at this very moment. His parents had his back and still loved him, and things were looking promising. He was still working diligently and gaining control of his emotions. On that same morning, he had written a letter to Itachi to tell him what happened and if he would let him stay with him for a while. He doubted his brother would refuse him, but then again, Itachi had the most surprising arguments at the least expected moment.

For now, Sasuke simply allowed himself to find his emotional shelter as he could since neither Naruto nor his brother could provide it, so after work, he arranged to meet with Sakura and Neji for dinner. Both had agreed, and Sakura had offered her place, so Sasuke purchased the necessary groceries and promptly cooked a simple meal for his friends. Both had been more than a little surprised.

They hadn’t talked much apart from catching up on everyone’s news, and Sasuke had told them about the recent events with a calmness not even he could explain.

Now, with his knees pulled to his chest while sitting on Sakura’s red velvety couch, Sasuke placidly scrolled through Naruto’s Facebook page on his mobile phone - it was truly baffling how many pictures Naruto had unabashedly posted of them together, both alone and with other people. Apart from one Tenten had taken back in the day when they’d all still been teaching at school - where Naruto had put his arm around him and pressed their temples together for the picture while they’d been sitting at their usual hang-out café - all the other pictures were very casual and devoid of physical contact between them. There was nothing incriminatory there.

Naruto had tons of pictures of everyone and their mothers, and let’s not mention the most absurd selfies of himself. Still, Sasuke was rather surprised at finding a few solo pictures of himself, too.

Sasuke had a Facebook account, but he rarely used it, so it wasn’t like he was exactly aware of what his friends were posting. However, it was a bit shocking seeing himself in Naruto’s photo album.

In some of the pictures Sasuke was smiling, while in others, he was clearly displeased at being photographed, but regardless, the pictures were all well taken and seemed to favor all his good angles - a dissimulated proof of Naruto’s vision of him. In all of them, Naruto had added the simple description of ‘family’. Some of his many Facebook friends had commented, especially girls. Sasuke didn’t care to know what they said. He was only there for pictures of Naruto, nothing else. But now that he had seen them, he couldn’t help but admire the pictures of both of them as well with extra care.

Because of Karin, Sasuke didn’t have pictures of himself and Naruto on his mobile phone, and regretfully.

Now that he took the time to look, he noticed that he and Naruto were such complete opposites it was unmistakable that they stood out when side by side. Naruto, with his bronzed skin and bright hair and eyes, Sasuke always pale, his hair and eyes hauntingly dark. They made quite an interesting pair, that was for sure - almost like a night and day contrast.

Naruto had always described him as ‘handsome’, but sometimes the word ‘beautiful’ escaped his mouth, to Sasuke’s dismay. How he missed those annoying praises now.

He hugged his knees with an arm and stopped at a selfie Naruto had taken of himself, Jiraiya, and a beautiful, big-breasted woman with gorgeous honey-colored eyes and blond hair. She seemed slightly younger than Jiraiya, and from Naruto’s description of her, Sasuke guessed that she was Tsunade, his godmother. The three of them were smiling in matching goofy ways, and they seemed to be already a bit tipsy. Sasuke also recognized Jiraiya's kitchen.

Heaving a sigh, Sasuke rested his cheek over his knee and stared at Naruto’s bright, contagious grin, feeling his chest tight with longing - how he missed seeing that smile. Even in obvious pajamas in the picture, Naruto looked so incredibly stunning and warm in Sasuke’s eyes that even like this it made it hard to breathe.

He never thought he’d ever feel this way for another human being, and it was both amazing and immensely frustrating for someone like Uchiha Sasuke. These feelings… It was so obvious now that they were miles apart from what he had ever felt with Karin; he couldn't believe how ignorant of himself he had been for all these years.

“You’ve been staring at your phone for hours, ” Neji’s voice said from the armchair next to him, mockingly, clearly exaggerating.

“He’s sighing over pictures of Naruto,” Sakura commented from the seat next to Sasuke, leaning slightly over his shoulder to peek at Sasuke’s mobile phone. “Gay. That’s cheesy of you, Sasuke. You’re in so deep I don’t know if I should feel horrified or sorry for you. It’s creepy.”

Sasuke threw her an unimpressed glance before looking back at his mobile phone. Even without looking, he could perceive his best friends exchanging glances between them.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Neji asked, carefully, his voice back to its serious tone.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Sasuke asked casually.

“Let’s see, because you’re still on bad terms with your wife, Naruto has broken up with you, and you just came out to your parents?” Sakura offered, impatiently poking his side rather painfully with a finger and forcing him to straighten his back irritably. “You haven’t said anything else! You can’t possibly be alright, Sasuke!”

Rubbing his bruised side, Sasuke leaned back on the sofa and blocked the screen on his mobile phone, eyeing his pink-haired friend. “I am alright, Sakura,” he assured her, with a shrug. “I am still trying to get over the fact that my parents didn’t disown me and were supportive of my decisions. I can’t forgive myself for having believed that they wouldn’t, but I’m glad. It feels like everything from here on is possible for me, now.”

It was true. After his conversation with his parents, he felt lighter, even if it was unmistakable that there was still much to be done and a lot of difficulties to handle, but the fact was, all of that seemed like small worries all of a sudden.

“Still, you need to talk to Karin,” Neji pointed out, slowly. “It’s been a few days since you’ve been separated, and you haven’t told her anything yet, I’m sure she feels very confused.”

“We’ve been talking,” Sasuke confessed, rubbing at the back of his neck. “She asks questions, but I can’t tell her anything right now. My mother has spoken to her, and I think she’s been trying to placate her and… kind of hint at things, but I told her I would handle this on my own, and I will.”

“You can’t delay this much longer,” Sakura interrupted, moodily. “I mean, coming out to your parents is a good thing, of course, but the more time you waste the worse it’s going to get. Plus, I’m sure this is also killing Naruto’s hopes, no?”

“I don’t know, I have no idea what he thinks, considering we haven’t talked since he broke up with me.” Remembering that painful night alone was enough for Sasuke to need a moment to swallow hard to keep his emotions in check - proof that his feelings were still far too unbalanced even a few days since then. It was amazing how this fucking exhaustion didn’t seem to go away. “I just… want to see him before talking to Karin. I’m giving him space, as he wanted, and not contacting him; but I want to. I need to make sure he’s okay. I need to… see if he doesn’t hate me.”

A few seconds of silence settled in the living room before Neji spoke again. “You and I both know Naruto doesn’t hate you. It’s because he values you so much that he is so possessive of you and has such established ideas of how things should be between the two of you. He’s very serious about you.”

“For someone who told me not to ruin my marriage at first, you sure are defending him right now,” Sasuke reminded him, in a slightly bitter but teasing way.

“Well, despite my advice, the damage is already done, might as well go for it,” Neji defended, lifting his chin proudly and elegantly crossing one leg over the other. “Either way, I think you need to move, and fast, Sasuke. Karin’s family will probably come for your head soon.”

“I’m aware.” Sasuke bit his lower lip. “I’m getting my shit together; I’m feeling a lot stronger than I ever did about us. But I just need to see him, Neji. I need to know he’s alright, and I need to see his feelings for me, good and bad, with my own eyes.”

Oddly enough, though, even knowing all the monsters he’d have to face, Sasuke felt… strangely calm and free of internal conflict. For the first time, he felt unburdened and with a steady goal in mind. He felt like his desire to see this through was making him stronger from day to day. Truth be told, right now it felt like his worst monster was Naruto; like he couldn’t be at peace if he couldn’t talk to him. Regardless of their feelings for each other, his one true fear was that Naruto couldn’t look at his face at this point. He never wanted Naruto to turn his eyes away from him, ever, even if he knew he had hurt him.

He had far too many times wondered if Naruto had somehow lost all of his respect for him.

Sakura moved so her arm was pressed against Sasuke’s before she leaned her head on his shoulder. A few years ago, allowing such action from her was unthinkable to him, but now that she had moved on from him and knew how to respect their boundaries and where they stood, Sasuke appreciated the comfort.

“I hate that you have to go through this, even if it is your fault,” Sakura muttered. “I just want you to be happy. Please fix this. If you need anything, we’re here for you.”

“That goes without saying,” Neji said with a nod, his expression becoming softer as he looked at Sasuke. “We only want what’s best for you.”

At this, Sasuke smiled gratefully. Feeling strangely at peace, he allowed himself to place his cheek over the top of Sakura’s head. “Thank you.”

They didn’t need to speak anymore, for it would only make things even more awkward, but this was the place for Sasuke to be at that very moment.

One thing was for sure - for some reason, ever since Naruto had appeared in his life, Sasuke had started to value his friends and family and understand exactly how much he cherished all of them. No; he was the luckiest man alive. He didn’t need much, and he didn’t need lots of friends or acquaintances - he just needed these people, who had always loved him and been beside him all along. He had never been alone, and even now, everyone’s feelings kept pushing him forward, towards what he needed and what he wanted - which was a life with the person he now knew he didn’t want to live without.

It made him feel stupid that he’d been afraid of so many things before without any reason.

Naruto had been right all along. And for everything Naruto had taught him and showed him, Sasuke wanted to give it all back to him and more.

This was a promise he made himself.

000

“Who is it?”

“It’s me.”

Sasuke stood in front of Naruto’s doorstep that late afternoon a  few days later - he knew Naruto was home because he had texted Jiraiya beforehand to check. He had also asked Jiraiya if he thought it was a good time for him to go to see Naruto, and the man had given him a green light without offering any kind of advice, so Sasuke wasn’t sure what to expect.

It had barely been over a week since he had last seen his ex-lover. They hadn’t spoken once since that fateful phone call, but just like Sasuke had been contacting their mutual connections for news on the other, he knew Naruto had done the same, and this had been a source of comfort and something that had kept him from contacting the blond directly. He had wanted Naruto to have his space away from him, to heal, and had wanted them both to let things cool before they saw each other again.

Feeling nervous, yet confident and renewed, there Sasuke was, taking a leap of faith and hoping Naruto wouldn’t reject his casual visit, even though he had prepared himself mentally for that possible outcome.

On the other side of the door, he could feel Naruto’s hesitation because he didn’t reply when he heard Sasuke’s voice. After what felt like hours, the lock turned and the door was opened, revealing the object of Sasuke’s constant and restless dreams.

Naruto looked alright. It was clear that he had lost a bit of weight, but nothing worrisome. His hair was a mess, sticking out in every direction, but he had obviously shaved that morning and he was wearing some dark blue pajama pants and a yellow t-shirt. The sight of him left Sasuke momentarily speechless, and looking into his bright blue eyes was enough to knock the breath out of him, too.

“Sasuke,” Naruto greeted, his expression serious but his voice calm. “What are you doing here?”

Licking at his dry lips, Sasuke forced his voice to work. “I texted you asking if I could drop by.”

“My not replying should’ve been enough, no?” Naruto said. He wasn’t smiling, but there was no animosity in his voice either, so Sasuke saw it as him not being exactly angry.

“I just wanted to see how you were doing, I don’t mean to invade your space or anything,” he said honestly. Sasuke lifted the paper bag he was carrying so Naruto could see it. “Eclairs. I know you love them, and we had too many that we can’t sell tomorrow at the coffee shop anymore, so I thought of you. I’ll just give them to you and be on my way.”

Pushing the bag towards Naruto, he saw the man hesitate. Naruto was stiff as a board and hadn’t even looked at the bag, his eyes glued to Sasuke’s with something akin to sadness mixed with a longing that seemed almost too intense to bear at the moment. Sasuke tried not to let it get to him no matter how much he wanted to. He was in no position to do anything at this particular time, but he wanted to. He wanted to hold Naruto and tell him that he had missed him and that he was working hard to solve things for them. He wanted to tell Naruto everything.

Don't look at me like that.

But it was too early. There was nothing substantial yet, so he forced himself to remain calm.

“Will you accept it?” Sasuke asked, softly and politely. “Please, Naruto.”

The other man swallowed hard but didn’t move. “The pervert told me you and Karin weren’t living together.”

Not changing his expression was harder than Sasuke had thought. “I needed time away from her,” he explained, trying not to let his voice falter. “She’s at her parents, and I’m at mine.”

Biting down on his lower lip, Naruto nodded once but didn’t say anything else on the subject. Without taking his eyes off Sasuke, his hands finally came up to grab hold of the bag. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

They stared at each other for what felt like hours. If Sasuke took a single big step forward, his body would be pressed to Naruto’s, and yet, the gap between them felt like an ocean pulling them apart, but the current wanting to pull them back together was deadly strong. The tension was knife cutting, both their feelings and desires screaming at them to do what they desperately wanted to.

Naruto’s hands clenched around the paper they were holding, hard. Sasuke tried not to clench his fists.

“Are you… doing alright?” Naruto asked, and it was obvious that he had debated on whether that was a question he should be asking or not.

Sasuke’s mouth formed a ghost of a smile. “I’m a lot better now that I’ve seen you.”

The soft sound of Naruto’s breath catching was deafening. There was a sense of comfort knowing that Naruto still cared, and still wanted him, and still desired him as much as before despite everything.

Sasuke knew he shouldn’t have said that, but it was the truth - laying his eyes on Naruto had only strengthened his resolve and seemed to have invigorated him. Somehow, it made all those days of insufferable waiting worth it.

Naruto’s lips parted as if he wanted to say something, but he held himself back, so Sasuke felt a bit disappointed. Either way, this had gone a lot better than he could’ve possibly hoped for, so he willed his smile to grow slightly. “It was nice being able to see you, Naruto. I’ll be leaving now.”

It took everything he had to simply turn around. Behind him, Naruto moved, and Sasuke could feel his body language calling out to him in words that didn’t leave the man's mouth.

It was excruciating. Every step of that set of stairs he descended felt like one step closer back to a hell he hadn’t escaped yet.

“Sasuke!” Naruto’s voice was a bit breathless and surprisingly frustrated, but it was efficient in stopping Sasuke in his tracks, his heart suddenly beating so fast he felt like it would jump out of his throat. He looked over his shoulder to see a frowning Naruto looking down at him with his lips pressed together. “Did you dress up like that on purpose?”

If Naruto was referring to the fact that Sasuke had arranged himself to look as casually attractive in Naruto’s eyes as possible, then he was guilty as charged. By the look on Naruto’s face, the desired effect had been achieved.

“Yes,” he admitted challengingly. “Would it have made a difference if I hadn’t?”

Naruto’s expression seemed to change to one of anger, but oddly enough, it didn’t seem directed at Sasuke - or at least not all of it.

“Fuck you,” Naruto, threw, closing his eyes and inhaling sharply. When he reopened them, they seemed to shoot daggers in Sasuke’s direction. “Godammit, fuck you to hell, Sasuke, you fucking bastard.”

There was no way Sasuke couldn’t smile genuinely at that, even if he knew it might anger Naruto further. It didn’t seem to, though, as Naruto simply huffed and scratched the top of his head irritable with one hand. “At least come and have a drink before you go,” Naruto said as if he had lost some kind of internal battle. “I’ll take you home afterward.”

Sasuke watched as he turned around and entered the house without another word, but leaving the door open behind him. Sasuke’s smile disappeared from his lips.

Did Naruto even know how dangerous it was for them to be alone together at this point? It could damage them beyond repair if they ended up fighting about things they shouldn’t be fighting about, and Sasuke didn’t want that.

Of course, Naruto knew. They missed each other, they wanted exactly the same thing, they wanted each other with equal intensity and they had been equally hurt by each other. Things would never be the same again regardless of how things turned out for them - they could only escalate from here on and both the sadness and the hunger would, could only get worse.

That was why this was very dangerous, especially when they were trying to let things settle between them.

It was still too deep, too raw, too soon, and things still hadn’t changed enough. Sasuke had literally very little to use as an ointment for their bruises, very little but their feelings to hold their relationship together.

He should stand his ground and simply oblige Naruto’s demand of them being away from each other. All he had to do was say ‘I think it’s better if I leave’.

Naruto would understand - he’d be crestfallen, but he’d understand, and probably appreciate it, too.

However, at the same time, Sasuke wanted to be close to Naruto, even if just for a few minutes. He wanted it so badly that he knew he shouldn’t accept the offer, and yet, he was already climbing the stairs back up before he could do anything else.

Just one drink , Sasuke thought, entering the house and closing the door behind him.

At least he’d get the pleasure of looking at Naruto for a bit longer.

Because who knew when they’d see each other again?

TBC…

Chapter Text

It’s Not Fair

Chapter twenty-three: To Give and Take

Naruto’s place was as tidy as Sasuke remembered, but on the floor, in between the set of shelves and a horrible green bean bag, -  a new acquisition, Sasuke guessed - a black acoustic guitar was laying over a mess of papers. At a glance, Sasuke had identified some of them as being music sheets and others as being lyrics, since there were lots of scratched-out words in Naruto’s messy handwriting. Sasuke had the desire to casually walk over to them and check them out, but he and Naruto weren’t supposed to be that familiar anymore, so he didn’t feel like he should even consider it.

Naruto was upset - one could argue angry, even - as he rummaged through the cabinets in the kitchen area, opening doors and slamming them back closed when he didn’t find what he wanted. It was painfully obvious that his thoughts were all over the place since he seemed to have forgotten where things were in his own house.

Boldly, Sasuke watched him with his arms crossed over his chest, trying to keep his features as impassive as possible in the process as he leaned quietly on the kitchen counter. “If you don’t want me here I can leave,” he said carefully after a while.

“Shut up,” Naruto muttered irritably, not looking at him. After a while, he finally managed to find a couple of tall wine glasses that he practically slammed on the counter, just barely not breaking them. “Don’t pretend to be courteous when you know exactly how I feel regardless of what more rational parts of me want. You came here, after all.”

Sasuke swallowed hard, not humble enough to deny what was clear as water. In silence, he watched as Naruto passed him towards the fridge and opened the door to take out a bottle already opened of white wine.

“Are you angry that I came here?” Sasuke ventured, once Naruto came to a halt beside him to pour the beverage over both glasses.

“Yes,” Naruto said dryly, not looking up at him. “But I’m mostly angry at myself because I’m supposed to be feeling less all over the place about you by now.”

Now that Sasuke noticed, there was a strange stiffness in Naruto’s actions that further gave away his restlessness.

“I texted your godfather asking him if he thought you were okay with seeing me,” Sasuke thought he should mention.

“Of course, you did; You became good chums when you came here and met him,” Naruto retorted, picking up both glasses and offering one to Sasuke, who accepted it with a grateful nod of his head.

“I wouldn’t have come if he hadn’t given me the green light, Naruto.”

“Maybe I’ve become too efficient in putting on my ‘I’m fine’ makeup,” Naruto offered, with a sarcastic and rather bitter smirk that didn’t suit him at all.

While Naruto, too, turned to lean on the counter before taking a healthy sip of his wine, Sasuke watched him, hesitantly, now. “As I said, I can leave.”

“I thought I told you to shut up about that,” Naruto dismissed, gazing at him from the corner of his eyes. “Is the wine any good?”

Sasuke hadn’t tried it yet, so he brought the glass to his lips and took a small sip. It was pretty good, and not of an expensive brand either, so one could say that Naruto had hit the nail.

“For someone who didn’t know the difference between green wine and white wine, I’m impressed by your good choice of white,” Sasuke complimented. Naruto’s eyebrows rose in surprise.

“White? I thought it was green,” he admitted, dropping the serious action to show his confusion before looking over his shoulder to check the bottle’s label. “Fuck; it is white.”

Despite himself, Sasuke couldn’t help but allow a small teasing snort to escape him. “I take back what I said, then,” he said, with a smile, shaking his head from side to side. “Come on, Naruto; it’s on the label; all you have to do is read it, you know?”

Naruto looked back at him with an offended pout. “Fuck you,” he muttered, grumpily. “Do you have any cigarettes?”

“Sure,” Sasuke replied, bringing a hand to the back pocket of his jeans. He extended the pack towards the other. “There’s a lighter inside. You shouldn’t smoke, though.”

Naruto didn’t reply as he accepted the pack, overly careful not to touch Sasuke’s fingers. He took another two gulps of his wine before setting his glass down on the counter and helping himself. “Could you open the window for me, please?” he asked Sasuke, as he lit the cigarette. Sasuke obliged, sliding the glass window above the sink open. Naruto nodded his gratitude as he returned the pack to Sasuke and turned to lean his back on the counter once more.

The dry acidic scent of smoke filled the air next to tense but not uncomfortable silence. Sasuke kept on sipping on his wine, his eyes pretty much glued to Naruto’s every little move, absorbing everything he could. It was amazing how enticing Naruto’s gestures were - from the way he slowly brought the cigarette to his lips and inhaled, to the way his head tilted back ever so slightly as he expelled it, his unique blue eyes following the smoke as it floated towards the ceiling and dissipated into the air. Every little thing endeared Sasuke and moved him to the core.

Naruto turned his head to look at him again, a small blush painting his cheeks. “Do you have to stare at me like that?”

“I’m just indulging myself while trying to make you stop pretending you don’t want to stare back,” Sasuke informed wittily, before smirking and taking another sip of his wine.

“Your very presence here is an indulgence of mine, in case you haven’t noticed,” Naruto said, rolling his eyes.

“You should indulge yourself as much as you possibly can, then.” It wasn’t Sasuke’s intention to be teasing, nor seductive, but for some reason, he couldn’t hold himself back, least of all when the tension was so thick he could feel it in his very skin. Every instinct he had was screaming at him to take action and go to Naruto, and ignoring it was very difficult. Considering how much he had yearned for the mere sight of Naruto during the last few days, it was safe to say that he was behaving himself.

Naruto sighed. “Sasuke… what’s going to happen to us?”

It took a moment for Sasuke to ask “What do you think will happen?”

Contemplatively, Naruto chewed on his lower lip, his gaze openly trying to read Sasuke’s features. “I think... I’m still hoping that something good will happen, but at the same time, more and more, I feel like I’m still this naïve guy who can’t stop deluding himself only to be left with a shattered heart in the end.”

Sasuke could feel the minor disappointment in him clouding his features. “You have little faith in me.”

“You haven’t exactly done anything to offer reassurance,” Naruto pointed out, before pausing. “... have you?”

“What do you want me to say, Naruto?” Sasuke huffed, his shoulders slumping. “I want to apologize, but I know that’s not what you want; I know you’re not coming back to me at this point. I know what I have to do if I want you back; you made that clear.” Naruto looked away from him again and took another drag from the cigarette, but Sasuke felt the need to push it just a little bit further. “Even so, is it too selfish of me to ask you to have faith? Maybe not in me, but in how we feel for each other, at least?”

Naruto seemed to tense up. For a second, there was a flicker of light in his eyes - of hope - but he quickly hid it away before saying “Yes, it is.”

Sasuke had expected that answer. He downed the rest of his wine as Naruto threw the barely smoked cigarette to the sink and turned to him, his expression serious and…

What exactly was that look? it was hard to tell if it was sadness, anxiety, or longing anymore - there was too much going on with Naruto’s attractive and far too sincere features - and it made all of Sasuke’s senses stand on alert as if on cue.

“I thought that I was ready to see you; to be with you like this,” Naruto started, and the careful step he took towards him made Sasuke’s heart skip a far too violent beat. “I thought it would be okay, but I’m just a fool. I’m in hell as soon as I lay my eyes on you.”

Naruto’s voice sounded a little breathless. Sasuke hadn’t even blinked as Naruto moved closer, his actions slow, almost hesitant, yet firm, like a predator assessing prey from an unknown species. For an erratic, confused moment, Sasuke tried to read Naruto’s intentions but couldn’t quite put his finger on what was going on, because all he could understand was that the atmosphere had shifted to become suffocating in a matter of seconds.

The next thing Sasuke knew, his body moved instinctively backward so his lower back was painfully pressed against the counter as Naruto came to stand in front of him, close enough to share body heat with, but not close enough to touch. Thanks to the proximity, Sasuke could smell Naruto’s soapy scent, and it did the most ridiculous things to his stomach.

Naruto’s eyes were ablaze, but his expression was inscrutable. Calmly, he took the empty glass from Sasuke’s hand and placed it on the counter, never taking his eyes from Sasuke, who couldn’t look away if he tried. “You’re too close,” Naruto said, his warm breath ghosting over Sasuke’s lips as if on purpose.

Sasuke’s hands ached to reach out and touch him, but since Naruto was just standing there, almost defiantly, he didn’t dare. “You’re the one practically pinning me against the counter,” he retorted, noticing that his voice was betraying him, but knowing he was already too weak to fight his own emotions when it came to the man in front of him.

“Yeah,” Naruto’s eyes narrowed. When he licked at his lips, Sasuke felt slightly dizzy. “I hate you, bastard.”

“I can live with that as long as you can manage to love me, as well,” Sasuke breathed, impulsively. “You said we’d always be friends. You promised me at least that much.”

“I was way over my head when I said that,” Naruto admitted softly. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be your friend. I can’t play that part anymore.”

Sasuke could feel Naruto’s own heart beating wildly even without being in contact with him. A hopeless part of him wondered if that same heart was beating as rapidly as his. “Why not?”

Naruto’s lips parted as he let out a harsh breath. “Because I don’t want to be your friend,” he declared, freely admiring Sasuke’s features with more than avid eyes. “Either punching you or devouring you both seem far more appealing than sharing drinks and trading provocations.”

And before Sasuke noticed the movement, there were hands on his waist, slightly unstable, but still warm through the fabric of his gray shirt. Every cell in him seemed to have come to life. “I’ll willingly accept whichever makes you feel better,” he whispered, desperately wanting to do something, to touch Naruto back, but feeling unsure about whether the man wanted it or was just testing their boundaries. Breaking their rules was not an option, but by god, did Sasuke wish Naruto himself would break them of his own accord.

“I know, Sasuke.” As if to answer his doubts, Naruto broke the distance between them, slowly pressing his body against Sasuke’s. The action of his arms surrounding Sasuke’s waist in a hug seemed to happen in slow motion. “That’s why I hate you; you had no right to come here and make me feel like this all over again.”

When Naruto placed his chin over his shoulder it felt to Sasuke as if the world had suddenly caught fire. Longing filled him along with desire, love, and pain - everything he had tried so hard to control seemed to come spilling out from him helplessly from Naruto’s proximity. He was hugging Naruto close by the neck before he could even will himself to stop, praying that this was what Naruto wanted.

There was a painful perfection in the way their chests fit together. Everything burned. Sighing, Sasuke wondered why was it that such a simple contact had to have such a deep meaning and evoke so many emotions in both of them.

Words seemed to fail him, so he just basked in the relief of the soothing embrace that only Naruto could provide, pressing his nose behind Naruto’s ear. How many times had he thought of that simple, yet familiar scent that seemed to never fail to drive him crazy?

Their heartbeats were noisy and strong in their proximity, allowing both men to be more than a little aware of each other. Neither moved for a few seconds, simply enjoying the presence that had seemed so distant during those never-ending days.

Naruto then shifted, and Sasuke’s muscles flexed in anticipation. There was a calculated, very sober manner in which Naruto’s hands untucked Sasuke’s shirt from his jeans, and when both invaded its inside, his fingers were spread out as they were wantonly pressed to the firm skin there.

Sasuke’s logical side understood what was happening, yet he felt confused, and intimidated, because he had no idea if Naruto was testing him, indulging him, or simply being impulsive. He didn’t want Naruto to do anything he’d regret, and even though Sasuke didn’t feel like complaining at all, a part of him wondered how much of this was wise.

But then, Naruto’s hands clawed possessively at his lower back before leisurely exploring the path upwards towards his shoulder blades, causing their eager bodies to be pushed further together. Sasuke could only close his eyes as a violent shiver shook him to the core, feeling his desire begin to cloud his better judgment. What was Naruto doing?

Naruto turned his head to the side, and Sasuke could feel him breathe erratically, yet sensuously in his ear. There was a moment when Naruto swallowed hard before his lips parted so they could mouth at Sasuke’s rather sensitive earlobe.

There was no mistaking Naruto’s apparent intentions, and this excited Sasuke as much as it scared him. “Naruto…” was all he could utter, and even in his ears, he couldn’t figure out if he had sounded hopeful, pleading, warning, or questioning.

Naruto’s blunt nails pressed down on Sasuke’s skin, and as if to reaffirm his conviction, he bit down on his ear rather painfully. Holding his breath, Sasuke didn’t move as Naruto’s mouth now reached his cheek, where a kiss was planted. “Just please shut up already, Sasuke.”

It wasn’t as though Sasuke needed anything else from Naruto. He supposed that, if they both wanted the same thing at that precise moment, then there would be no time for regrets. What that ‘something’ was, Sasuke wasn’t sure, but he knew he would go wherever Naruto was willing to take him.

All he had to do was turn his face towards Naruto. Their lips met easily, with a harshness that silently described how much they had missed each other during the days they’d been apart, yet the kiss started slowly despite their obvious thirst.

It was but a simple, practiced slide of lips against lips at first. They had kissed so many times already, and yet, accustomed as they were to each other, with every new emotion that passed between them, it felt as if they were still exploring each other. Their tongues touched in soft, yet intimate flickers, the taste of wine and cigarettes mingling with the pure, blissful taste of them.

For Sasuke, there was nothing in the world as perfect as this – being close to Naruto like this, sharing this sort of soul-stirring intimacy that, simple as it was, seemed to have no comparison to anything he had ever felt in his life with no other lover before him – not even Karin.

This could be bad, he thought, a little uncertain.

Sasuke gasped, his throat releasing a small, pained noise of emotional relief, and this seemed to shake Naruto’s body to life. Strong hands descended the path down Sasuke’s spine quickly as their bodies were pressed together. Becoming personally aware of Naruto’s raging arousal against him only made Sasuke certain that things were quickly getting out of control, and he had no idea if it was a good thing or a dangerous one. The way Naruto’s hands suddenly grabbed both his ass cheeks didn’t make it better.

The kiss was broken with a low gasp from both parts before they shared a silent look. Both men were having a hard time breathing, the pause allowing them to regain some air in their lungs. Sasuke didn’t know what to say, nor how to express his feelings. He wanted to say so much, to do so many things to Naruto - for Naruto - and yet he knew it wasn’t up to him to take the reins.

He understood what their body language expressed very well, and there was no doubt in his mind that the hunger was mutual by now, but…

There was a graveness in Naruto’s eyes that completely rendered him speechless. He didn’t know what to do, but trusted that Naruto did - that he would know what decision to make at this point in full consciousness.

But, Naruto wasn’t saying anything.

A little desperately, with his heart drumming in his ears and his stomach a complete mess, Sasuke tried to read all the emotions displayed on the man’s face, but it was all so intense and confusing it felt overwhelming to watch.

They wanted each other. They loved each other. They wanted to be together just as desperately. The ocean between them was vast, still, but somehow the currents of fate had allowed them to meet on this day so they could touch, even if for a brief moment, before pulling them apart again.

Sasuke knew this moment was nothing but a fleeting indulgence, and yet, even if they both knew this, the only thing he didn’t see in Naruto’s expressive, conflicting gaze, was doubt. Without words, Naruto spoke to him, loud and clear, and this, alone, was enough to allow Sasuke to drop all his reservations.

Without warning, their lips crashed again, more urgently this time as they held each other as if their life depended on it. Sasuke could swear Naruto panted his name between kisses, their breaths becoming even more elaborate. Heat flooded through them both, seeming to light a fire to the very air that surrounded them.

With his head spinning, Sasuke was only vaguely aware of Naruto suddenly lifting his ass in a shocking display of strength – after all they were about the same height and structure - and all he could do was instinctively wrap his legs around the man’s waist to keep them both from stumbling and possibly falling to the hard floor. However, even while sharing a rather savage kiss with Naruto, he found himself being rather easily carried towards what he assumed was the bedroom area.

Sasuke was unceremoniously dropped on his back diagonally on Naruto’s fluffy bed with a small noise of surprise and didn’t have a lot of time to try to work through what was happening in his mind because Naruto was already climbing on the bed, getting on his knees on the spot between Sasuke’s parted legs. It only took a second for Sasuke’s brain to register that Naruto was stripping, pulling his t-shirt over his head and throwing it to the side.

Urgency coursed through Sasuke’s veins as he sat upright and quickly started working on unbuttoning his shirt, his eyes glued to Naruto’s tanned chest. He ached to touch it, to devour it with everything he had, but he was frustrated at his incapacity to multitask. However, Naruto’s hands were already at the front of Sasuke’s pants, unbuckling his belt - which he was already familiar with -  and undoing the single button before expertly pulling the zipper down. Sasuke somehow managed to open his shirt in the meantime, and as soon as he noticed this, Naruto helped him divest of it, carelessly throwing it over his shoulder. They kissed soundly for a few seconds, one of Sasuke's hands coming to touch Naruto’s chest, eager to feel the exposed skin, while the other hand wasn’t shy in feeling the clothed erection in front of him, rubbing it wantonly. It never failed to excite him.

Naruto allowed the stimulation, moaning as Sasuke sucked on his lower lip, but after a while, he placed a hand on Sasuke’s shoulder to instruct him to lie down, which he did. Together, they struggled for a bit with removing Sasuke’s jeans and underwear between groans of frustration and hissed curses. Said items of clothing ended up on the floor, leaving Sasuke on his back, completely naked.

Naruto’s gaze, too, wanted to waste a bit of time taking in Sasuke’s body, but Sasuke wouldn’t allow it no matter how much he enjoyed that lustful gaze on him. Reaching out, he wrapped a hand around the back of Naruto’s head and pulled him down so he could be on top of him. Their eyes met for a second before their mouths collided once more. Sasuke’s hands awkwardly searched for the waist of Naruto’s pajama pants and impatiently tried to pull it all down as much as he could - he wanted nothing between him and the man. Naruto had to twist his body a few times until he could finally manage to kick the remaining offensive pieces of clothing away without breaking their fervent kiss. As soon as he was fully naked, Sasuke wrapped his legs around him and made sure they were in as much physical contact as possible. Their hard cocks came into contact, their tongues touching a little clumsily as Naruto’s hips adjusted to the position before languidly thrusting down. Another moan could be heard, but Sasuke had no idea who it belonged to – he was too lost in his blissfulness.

It had seemed like far too long had passed since they had last done this - and in Sasuke’s not-so-modest opinion, they hadn’t exactly done it enough times.

The contact of their skin was the most amazing thing in the world. Naruto was warm and hard, and he fit against him like a fucking custom-made glove. If it was for this kind of perfection, Sasuke would gladly never put up a front anymore - he would lay himself bare for Naruto’s pleasure, exposing himself completely, over and over again, until there was nothing left to see.

He just wanted it all, and it didn’t matter how.

Sasuke ran his hands over Naruto’s back eagerly, lovingly, basking in the small tremors he could feel under his fingertips - he had always loved how responsive Naruto had always been to him. Naruto’s deep, yet greedy kisses seemed to only inject life into him, teasing parts of his libido he had no idea he possessed. With every thrust of those teasing hips and every touch of those demanding hands, Sasuke felt himself being completely undone underneath that body. Everything was so good he couldn’t even think.

Sasuke wanted… he didn’t even know what he wanted, and it didn’t seem to matter. He decided to simply let go and forget about everything but Naruto.

Naruto pulled away again, his lips rosy and glistering with their mixed saliva, making Sasuke feel jolts of lust prickling his skin at the sight. Without a word, Naruto braced himself on one elbow and brought two fingers of his hand to his slightly open mouth - Sasuke didn’t object to accepting them inside. Teasingly, Sasuke wrapped his tongue around the fingers, feeling the bitterness in them, thoroughly wetting them. With heavy, piercing eyes, Naruto watched him shamelessly, and Sasuke felt a source of power and pride assault him, making him feel like the most desired human being on the planet. Naruto seemed to enjoy the sight because he bit on his lower lip and took a sharp intake of breath through his nose. Then, he slowly withdrew the fingers and brought them to his mouth, never looking away from Sasuke, and adding his saliva for extra wetness. Sasuke felt like he was short-circuiting.

What the fuck was he supposed to do with the things Naruto made him feel? No one had the right to be this fucking perfect.

They didn’t break their gaze as Naruto’s hand came between them, lifting his hips to create an unwelcome distance.

Fingering wasn’t exactly a novelty between them since they had both already tried it a few times – mainly in Naruto’s car– when they had been together, so it wasn’t like Sasuke didn’t know exactly how it would feel. Still, as soon as Naruto’s wet finger easily slid inside his passage, he couldn’t help the assault of sensations that coursed through him. Naruto wasn’t exactly patient, thrusting said finger in and out of him without hesitation, but not exactly brusquely, and forcing a moan out of Sasuke as his body thrashed slightly from the sensation. He didn’t know where this shameless side of him had come from, but he felt like every part of his existence was shockingly receptive to Naruto’s every whim.

Maybe Naruto’s eyes devouring his every move helped, but Sasuke felt his chest swell painfully and his cock twitch several times. There was a new moistness dripping over his navel, giving away how turned-on he felt, and he had no mind to feel embarrassed.

Naruto leaned down to shower lewd kisses over his neck and Sasuke turned his head to the side to expose as much of it as he could while simultaneously trying to spread his knees further apart, hoping his body language was capable of sending the essential messages he was trying to convey. Thankfully, his lover was as perceptive of him as ever, because at one moment Naruto was running his tongue lusciously over the curve of Sasuke’s neck, and on the other, his finger was withdrawing to immediately be replaced by two instead. The invasion was received with a bit of a stung to it that Sasuke wouldn’t say was unpleasant at all – quite the contrary, it seemed to only bring him even closer to losing his grip on whatever was left of his self-control. His heart felt like it was being squeezed - it was so hard to breathe. The way Naruto’s fingers twisted every time he pressed the fingers inside was enough to make him forget everything but that.

He didn’t care anymore. He didn’t understand why he’d been holding back on all of this for so long.

The next thing he knew, Sasuke's hand was automatically reaching for his cock, finding it slippery from leaking fluids and wasting no time pumping it erratically in search of much-needed release. The sensation of his hand along with Naruto’s fingers fucking him seemed to unleash something wild within Sasuke as he hissed between his teeth.

He’d been so on edge that his orgasm hit him sooner than he had expected, taking him completely by surprise as his vision momentarily blacked out and he gasped while his pleasure hit him, his seed leaving him and coating his stomach area as his entrance pulsed painfully around the digits invading him.

It felt like forever had gone by since he’d last had this kind of powerful orgasm, but that was because it always seemed to happen when he was with Naruto.

Dizzy and a panting mess, Sasuke wiped at the sweat that formed over his forehead with the back of his clean hand. What the hell was he even doing? he thought. He wasn’t one to lose control like this, not even during sex.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” he heard Naruto whisper, sounding both impressed and a little stunned. “That was so unbelievably hot, Sasuke.”

A third finger was added then, stretching him further this time and Sasuke lost the ability to focus his sight - he had just cum and things were feeling a little rougher now, and yet, he felt more sensitive and alive than ever.

He genuinely couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that he was still very much aroused.

“Urgh,” Sasuke uttered, torn between the discomfort he could feel, and the insatiable lust that seemed to turn his body into a greedy monster. “Naruto, just…”

Despite himself, he pumped his messy cock a few more times, hoping that it would help to ease the tension he could feel, completely unconcerned by the mess of cum on him and his hand.

Naruto’s eyes were on him the whole time as he patiently and cautiously kept fucking Sasuke with three fingers before taking a deep, shaky breath. He, too, seemed to be on the brink of losing his composure, even his gestures becoming more erratic, and uncoordinated. Still, the more Naruto worked him, the more Sasuke felt like he was mindlessly opening himself up and losing whatever was left of his dignity - the one he had thrown away for Naruto without a second thought.

“Just what, Sasuke?” There was no teasing to Naruto’s tone, no hint of seduction - it was a plain and simple question, genuinely curious (maybe even a little hopeful), and it almost brought Sasuke out of his lust-induced trance. He stopped the movements of his hand on his cock.

What, indeed? Naruto’s question was pertinent since they had never gotten much further than this, no matter how many times they had spoken about it and professed their desire for more.

Still, that was before, and now things were different. They weren’t even supposed to be doing this at all. At this point, this felt right -as everything between them always did - but it wasn’t.

Despite how much Sasuke felt like asking for it, whatever was still functioning in his rational mind told him not to.

They looked at each other, both their ragged breaths mingling between them. Naruto stopped the movement of his fingers inside Sasuke altogether.

“I’m not going to ask you to fuck me if you’re going to have hard feelings about it later,” Sasuke muttered, between pants, shaking his head from side to side. “No matter how much I want to.”

Oddly enough, Naruto smiled, his gaze filled with so many things that made it hard to look away. “I can’t promise I won’t because I can’t guess how I’ll feel afterward,” he said, honestly. “I know how I feel about it, and I know how I feel about it right now.”

“Then you should do what you think is best for you,” Sasuke said, softly. Of course, he’d be lying if he said that he wouldn’t feel disappointed if Naruto bailed out at the last moment, but that was a hundred times better than them turning things for the worse between them.

It wasn’t as if he didn’t know Naruto wanted it – they both did, and under different circumstances, this wouldn’t even be an issue between them. But right now, when Sasuke’s feelings were so firm and consistent, Naruto was still in doubt and fearing for them, and Sasuke had no one to blame but himself, so there wasn’t much he could say or ask for at this point.

For a few quiet seconds, Naruto contemplated him. Then, he simply leaned down to press his lips to Sasuke’s forehead, then his nose, then lower, to his chin,  and Sasuke couldn’t help but lower his head so they could kiss again. It was then that Naruto pried Sasuke’s lips apart with his tongue languidly, and once more pushed his digits deep inside his passage in a voiceless reply.

It was as if he could feel Naruto’s own emotions towards this in his veins.

A small whimper left Sasuke’s chest, his lungs feeling constricted. Eagerness, as well as love, filled him from head to toe and everything felt like too much to handle.

Are we really doing this?

Carefully removing his fingers, Naruto pulled away to sit on his heels before moving on his hands and knees towards the nearest nightstand. The sight of his wobbling cock made Sasuke lick at his lips as several ridiculous thoughts assaulted him. There was no doubt that he craved intimacy with that man no matter what shape it took, and he was more than looking forward to how things would develop.

Naruto opened the drawer to rummage for the items Sasuke knew to be there, so it wasn’t surprising when a tube of lube and a box of condoms emerged, along with a small pack of tissues. He passed the last one to Sasuke, who took the chance to take a tissue so he could wipe at his hand and the mess on his navel.

“Get on your stomach,” Naruto then said to Sasuke tenderly, yet the serious look in his eyes was making him look a little intimidating. Still, he seemed confident, and it was something that Sasuke found strangely attractive. Naruto wasn’t supposed to show this much confidence about what they were about to do, and absently, Sasuke wondered if he even understood that he was about to fuck another man. Naruto had always been straight – much like Sasuke himself – and they had always seen each other as Sasuke and Naruto rather than just another guy, obviously not casting that particular fact aside, but not making it about their gender rather than their individuality.

However, there was no turning away from the fact that Sasuke did have a dick. Well, he knew that Naruto did inform himself when he had to, and Sasuke trusted that he had read enough about sex between men to get it – aside from their experiences together, of course. Well, Sasuke had performed anal before but was no connoisseur of the bottom position himself, so he wasn’t one to talk. He trusted that everything would be fine, considering they both wanted this. If it was out of love, could they ever even say that such a thing could ever go wrong?

Obediently, Sasuke did as instructed and shifted so he was lying on his stomach now, with his arms crossed under his chin. Behind him, Naruto moved and Sasuke felt hands on both his thighs, silently instructing them apart. Sasuke couldn’t help but swallow hard in anticipation as Naruto came to kneel between his legs. While he had expected this to move along quickly from then on, he hadn’t exactly predicted the way Naruto’s body moved; hands came to be placed on the mattress on either side of Sasuke’s head as he felt Naruto’s body hovering over his. A warm breath brushed the back of his neck before lips were pressed to the spot lovingly. A shiver ran down his spine as wet kisses were showered all over his shoulders, neck, and shoulder blades. It felt so… nice and caring he couldn’t help the blush that made his cheeks catch fire. Despite himself, Sasuke released a small noise of contentment.

He felt… so ridiculously loved he didn’t know what to do with himself.

There was a moment when Naruto’s weight fell slightly over Sasuke, a firm chest coming into contact with his back, Naruto’s rather prominent erection coming to rest in between his ass-cheeks. Naruto buried his face in the crook of Sasuke’s neck and took a deep whiff of his scent before rubbing his shaft in the crevice cradling it.

Sasuke bit down hard on his lower lip, turning his face to the side so his cheek could touch Naruto’s forehead. They nudged each other a bit, adoringly, before Naruto placed a kiss on his temple. He rubbed himself more forcefully this time, and Sasuke could feel in his skin the warm trail of precum Naruto’s cock left behind.

“You drive me completely crazy you know that?” Naruto breathed in his ear, his words causing Sasuke’s cock to twitch in arousal, even if completely trapped between his body and bed.

“I can tell,” Sasuke breathed back, trying to move his ass upwards so it was insinuating itself along with his lover’s movements, taking advantage of the fact that he could enjoy the friction against the mattress under him. “You should do something about it, then.”

Fuck, feeling like this had to be unnatural.

The way Naruto moaned had to be illegal. “Sasuke… are you sure about this?”

Sasuke didn’t need to be very coherent to understand what Naruto meant. Was he sure? Sure… of what, exactly? That this was the right way for things to happen? That he wanted to bottom for Naruto?

No. How could he be sure when he wished something like this had happened without all this chaos standing between them? When he had fantasized about so many possible case scenarios and none had exactly come close to this?

He wasn’t sure about anything other than the fact that it didn’t matter. His reservations seemed to have been scattered to the wind, and all that seemed relevant was the fact that it had not happened. How, or who did what at this point - giving it any sort of relevance seemed pretty pointless right now.

And it was weird because, while Sasuke had thought about how things would go - or how they should go - in the end, all of it was reduced to nothing. He was reduced to nothing but this mass of hopeless desire and affection under Naruto’s touch. And Naruto knew it already, otherwise, he wouldn’t be assuming things so easily just because Sasuke had allowed himself to be fingered.

It was almost funny, and Sasuke would have laughed if he wasn’t so consumed by the weight of his feelings towards them.

“You think too much,” was all Sasuke whispered, supporting himself up on his elbows so he could be more in contact with Naruto’s warmth. His hand came behind him to touch the top of Naruto’s head, their cheeks coming into contact. “And talk too much too. Idiot.”

The shaky way Naruto held his breath was deafening. Still, he simply nodded his head in affirmation.

Pressing one last kiss to the back of Sasuke’s ear, Naruto pulled away, leaving Sasuke’s back feeling exposed and strangely cold. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Naruto sitting on his heels again, picking up the box of condoms he’d left close by. It was amazing how proudly Naruto’s cock stood from between his thighs.

“Please tell me you know what you’re doing,” Sasuke couldn’t help but tease, noticing the other’s far too concentrated expression as he took a single condom out. Naruto threw him an unimpressed glance while carelessly throwing the box to the side.

“Aren’t you the one who’s talking too much, now?” he muttered, ripping the small square package apart.

Sasuke’s eyes narrowed a little as he watched Naruto expertly roll the condom over his erection. “I just want to make sure I’m in good hands,” he muttered, the sight making him feel unexpectedly hot for some absurd reason. It was a strange feeling, being glad that Naruto was confident, but also feeling stupidly upset that said confidence came from experience with other people.

It was ridiculous.

Naruto had the gall to smirk at him. “You’re always in good hands when you’re with me, Sasuke.”

Sasuke could only lick at his lips, his throat suddenly dry, any sort of remark trapped in his mouth. He knew that. He had never felt more at ease and safe than he had when with Naruto. It was as if his very existence didn’t know how to not trust him.

Naruto’s hands came to rest upon his hips firmly, pulling at them slightly to indicate to Sasuke that he should move, so he did, changing his position so he was on his hands and knees, looking down at the orange duvet under him.

Behind him, he could sense Naruto moving again, and the sound of something being uncapped could be heard, alerting him that Naruto was fumbling with the tube of lube. This made his heartbeat more uncoordinated, not exactly in fear or nervousness, but in anticipation of something he knew nothing about. Or, well, he knew what it was like to be penetrated by something, so that wasn’t exactly the issue - it was more of a sort of… curiosity of how it would feel to be… well, actually fucked. Fucked by someone for whom he had deep feelings.

The rubbery scent of the condom filled the air, mixed with the rather minty smell of the lube. Naruto wasn’t exactly shy in unceremoniously pressing two heavily lube-coated fingers inside Sasuke’s already receptive passage, the slick and cold substance in them providing a rather strange sensation that wasn’t at all unpleasant. It was a relief for him to feel how slippery the intrusion felt when compared to being fingered with just saliva - it made him feel more at ease, and eager, about what was to come.

There was a burning feeling in his lower back that shot what felt like cold sparks up his spine, and for a moment, Sasuke wondered if there was something wrong with him because foreplay had never felt this nice, and it wasn’t like they had even done much.

Naruto’s fingers offered a few careful but deep thrusts but didn’t linger, wasting only enough time to properly lubricate Sasuke and make sure he was loose enough. A little impatiently, Sasuke chewed on his lower lip, curving his neck so he was looking at the spot between his legs, from where he could see his cock and balls hanging as well as Naruto’s legs and the stroking movement of his hand on his cock as he lubed himself. There was something very ridiculous about the sight, yet it was also incredibly new and rather sexy in a dirty and weird way. Sasuke had the urge to touch Naruto and had the fleeting thought of reaching out from between his legs until he could touch Naruto’s sac. How would Naruto react? For some reason, Sasuke laughed.

“What are you laughing about?” Naruto asked, sounding a little breathless but also slightly amused.

“I don’t know,” Sasuke admitted, chuckling. “I guess I can’t handle being turned on and not doing anything about it because I’m thinking about stupid stuff.”

“You could always touch yourself again,” Naruto suggested, and Sasuke felt him dropping the tube of lube somewhere next to him.

“I can’t embarrass myself with another premature orgasm,” Sasuke said. “I can’t have you thinking I have no self-control.”

“You speak as if I know nothing about how you are during sexual activities,” Naruto teased. He shifted, his body coming closer to Sasuke’s, Purposefully, he made it so the head of his cock was rubbing teasingly against Sasuke’s sensitive anus. “Although, I have to admit you’re being surprisingly submissive today.”

“Just give me a minute and I’ll show you who’s submissive,” Sasuke challenged, but afterward, he gulped. He hadn’t been nearly ready enough for the all-consuming feeling of his body desiring penetration, but it had become very apparent the moment he had felt that cock against him. This was also new. It wasn’t like Sasuke had ever really objected to intrusions down there, and he had been dreaming about being this intimate with Naruto for a long time, but to want it, that was…

And it shocked him that this didn’t upset him at all.

Naruto snorted, one hand coming to caress one of Sasuke’s ass-cheeks. “I don’t think so.”

Sasuke wasn’t sure if it was him who insinuatingly pushed back first, but truth was, he could feel the tip of Naruto’s cock nudging inside his passage, and it was as if an explosion of both awareness and dizziness took hold of him.

It wasn’t the same as fingers, that was for sure. He couldn’t accurately describe the things he was suddenly feeling as Naruto pressed inside, agonizingly slow, but it was a mixture of discomfort and arousal that greatly confused him.

Despite Naruto’s caution, Sasuke hissed. It felt as if he was being distended to the limits of his body and it burned, and yet, he wasn’t sure if he wanted Naruto to go even slower, to pull out, or if he wanted him to get on with it once and for all. He wasn’t sure if his body felt like it wanted to reject the unknown invasion or take it in.

Maybe taking elaborate breaths would help him relax, Sasuke thought, forcing himself to breathe as slowly and deeply as he could.

‘Pain’ wasn’t exactly the word one would use for the occasion - especially because, whatever that feeling was, it didn’t fail to keep him very turned on indeed.

Hours seemed to have passed by until Naruto managed to have buried himself to the hilt. Realizing that Naruto was actually inside him struck Sasuke violently, shaking his emotional system unexpectedly, and a small gasp he couldn’t contain left him.

Holy shit.

It was happening.

As if from a distance, Sasuke heard Naruto exhale. “You okay?” the blond asked, sounding genuinely concerned for a moment.

Sasuke had to swallow hard, blinking quickly as his blurry vision traveled from one of his hands to the other he found himself speechless.

He hadn’t exactly been prepared for the impatience that ran through his body like a typhoon.

Without being able to say a single word, he merely nodded before experimentally moving his hips forward and then pressing backward again. A feeling of exultance filled him at realizing that the sensation of Naruto’s cock sliding out of him and then going back inside actually made everything so much better and relieving - it seemed to help him relax further and soothe the stinging ache of the penetration he was unaccustomed to.

He could tell that the other man was struggling with his self-control, but he was doing one hell of a job at being composed and efficient.

Naruto seemed to take his actions as him being ready because he started moving with him, his hips meeting Sasuke’s ass just as experimentally so they could gradually adjust to this without causing any initial damage.

Even like this, it was completely beyond anything Sasuke had possibly imagined or fantasized about because it wasn’t just the conflict in his body; it was the emotional awareness that he was making love with the person he was in love with - the person he had decided he needed more than anything else in his life.

Everything was a complete mess as Sasuke’s body was flooded in a wave of heat. He could feel perspiration emerging from every pore of his skin. His mind struggled to focus as he clenched both his fists around the fabric of Naruto’s duvet.

With every languid thrust, he felt himself opening up further and his pleasure slowly escalating - it was becoming increasingly easier - so he didn’t hesitate after a while in spreading his knees further apart on instinct so he could take as much in as he possibly could because he just wanted to be as connected to Naruto as possible, and as fast as possible, too.

When Naruto felt Sasuke’s more receptive demeanor, he wasn’t exactly shy in going for a slightly faster pace.

Feeling Naruto gently pulling his cock almost out and then pushing back inside with firm precision was…

“God,” Sasuke couldn’t help but groan, closing his eyes as shivers of genuine pleasure finally raked through him. “Fuck…”

Well, it was clear Naruto was damn good at sex, because even now he seemed to have the perfect momentum.

Naruto’s slightly senseless moan made Sasuke’s adrenaline spike up like crazy. With every thrust, he felt his cock throb and it wasn’t something he’d been used to.

Naruto’s hands were all over him, then, hot and sweaty, exploring his sides and his back with obvious reverence,  and Sasuke felt himself leaking all over the fabric under him as he pushed himself back harder, instigating a faster pace and a deeper penetration.