Work Text:
I hear them scream and I can no longer feel my heart beat. I clench at my sheets and try to focus on the sweat that rolls across my forehead. There are loud voices. I cannot determine what is being said. There is a rumbling in my head, in my hands and the voices rage on. I try to yell for help, but I choke on the words and sputter out silence. I can feel myself shake and tears slip out from under my eye sockets. I question if I have eyes in them because I cannot see anything.
People ask me why I smile so much. Doctors often question if it is a cover up for all of the psychosis and sadness, but the answer is always no. I smile because I have the ability. I smile because in the moments above my lips are trembling too much and my mind is filled with anxiety. But when I see the people I love, when I have the strength to laugh and smile, I do. I know that a time will come when I can’t. Why not take advantage of the time that I have?