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"Why are you already awake?"
Taka looked up at the source of that raspy deep baritone. Even without looking, he could tell who it was. After all, there is only one person living in that house who could sound sexy as fuck any damn time.
"Ohayo, Toru-san," he softly smiled, making the younger's brow rose in wonder. Toru had probably just woken up, his hair is in its usual mess, and his still sleepy eyes are surrounded by the perpetual eye bags. He's just wearing a thin white shirt, loose pyjama bottoms and his feet remained bare to the December air.
Toru looked like a mess.
A sexy, hot mess, nonetheless.
Taka just finished writing a new song. It's different from the demo they've been preparing for singles and albums. It was just a mere whim, a way to let out the feelings gnawing at his chest these past few weeks.
He was getting exhausted. Touring, performing in different places, hopping from country to another country, meeting a lot of people and partying like there's no tomorrow—all of them tired the shit out of Taka's petite body.
No, don't take me wrong.
He loves everything about this life, well, since it's the life he's been dreaming of when he (reluctantly) joined the band years and years ago. However, the constant travelling and lack of privacy from the eyes of the public is slowly getting into his nerves.
And just as he was thinking about it last night, he suddenly felt this pain in his chest. As if, he was missing something. As if he was longing for something so bad, that it makes his heart ache.
Last night, he dreamt of One Ok Rock's earlier days. He dreamt of the shy Ryota, the alien-obsession of Alex, the aloof Tomoya, and Toru—young and naive and very aggressive Toru—who would push them to be better, if not the best.
Everything was so simple back then.
They can talk freely, laugh freely, hangout with each other without any care in the world. They can get crushes, lovers and affairs without thinking about the other party being bashed by millions of their fans. They can express their thoughts and love without minding of consequences, of how the world would react.
Loving someone was so simple back then.
Unlike now.
Taka woke up earlier with that pain hunting his dreams. He clutched his chest, feeling the madly beating of his heart against his sweaty palms.
Loving someone was so simple back then.
He waited until his breath returned to normal, warily glancing down at the sleeping form of Toru beside him, afraid that he would face the guitarist's wrath just because he woke him up abruptly. His eyes roamed around his lover's face, noticing how relaxed he looks when sleeping. Toru looked quite his age when he's like this, dozing without a care in the world.
Taka felt that pain in his chest again.
Loving Toru was so simple back then.
No consequences, no media, no instagram bashing.
Unlike now.
Taka silently groaned, feeling that his chest would explode because of that blooming pain. It's squeezing his heart tightly, that Taka had to get up and go outside to get some fresh air into his lungs.
Then, he spent the entire morning writing a song and composing a simple melody to accompany it. He just finished the chords when Toru suddenly showed up, leaning against the doorframe with his muscular arms crossed over his sculpted chest.
"Is there something wrong? You rarely wake up this early. You're also quiet last night," a concerned frown marred the man's face, "Is there something bothering you?"
Leave it to Toru to be so perceptive of his actions. Leader-sama through and through.
"No, it's nothing—,"
"Takahiro," Toru said warningly before padding towards the couch he's currently occupying. The guitarist noticed the papers littering the coffee table, some lying across the dark wood floor, but he didn't comment on it. Instead, he sat beside Taka making the older cringe in fear, "What's wrong?"
Taka's shoulder stiffened under the scrutinizing gaze of the taller man. He knows that Toru can be damn persuasive when he wants to, since he experienced it first hand, so he just...hang his head in defeat, his hands nervously fiddling with the hem of Toru's shirt that he was wearing.
"I just... Had a weird dream..,” he mumbled.
"Hmmm?" Toru made a humming sound, urging him to continue without actually saying a word, before pulling Taka's guitar on his lap.
"I don't know if it can be considered as a nightmare, hahaha," he let out a hollow laugh, "you see, I dreamt of our earlier years. When everything was so simple, when we can still do what we want without fearing for the consequences... I don't know, I... I just woke up, feeling that my chest's going to burst out or something. Weird, right?" He glanced at the taller man who has been staring at him since he began talking.
"I also have dreams like that, but I don't really pay too much attention to it," he admitted, "because, this is our dream, right? Everything comes with a price. We got our music played for the whole world; we got little privacy with our lives. That's how it is, right?"
Taka didn't answer.
How about us?
How long would they keep their relationship from the public? How many hours, days and nights would Taka have to wait before he can kiss Toru in front of everyone, hug him, hold his hands—how can he show to the whole world that he loves Toru so much that it hurts whenever he realized that he couldn’t—that they couldn’t?
How long?
Just thinking about it makes Taka's eyes glazed with unshed tears. He can't take it anymore, that's why he head to let it out, in the only way he knows.
When Toru realized that he's not gonna give a response about the topic anymore, the guitarist just sighed, and picked up the sheet containing the complete chords of the song Taka had just composed.
"You wrote a new one?" Toru asked, his eyes roaming on the chords messily written on the paper. The younger had been playing guitars for ten years so Taka knew that even with just a single glance, Toru could easily tell that it's a song different from their upbeat, emotional rocks, "When?"
"Just... Just after I woke up," he gestured to the papers with crossed out chords and lyrics, "I couldn't go back to sleep even if I want to."
"Why didn't you wake me up?"
Taka smiled, reaching for the man's larger hand. His nimble thumb lazily tracing circular patterns on the paler skin, "It's alright. I think... I'm alright now."
Toru looked down at him worriedly, "Taka--,"
"You think you can play for me, yeah?" He asked hopefully, desperation shining on his dark irises as he looked up at his lover, "I wrote this song for you... And I really, really want you to hear it, as soon as possible?"
Taka already knew that Toru would never say no to him, but when the guitarist agreed nonetheless, Taka could instantly feel the warmth and joy slowly flowing into his system.
He patiently watched as Toru played the guitar, testing the unfamiliar strums and presses. When he finally got the hang of it, he looked up at Taka, excitement lighting up his usually dead eyes.
"Go on," he ordered.
Taka looked at the man. The man he loves so much. The man who saved him. The man whom he wants to show the world, just once—even if it’s just once— that is his.
The man he wants to love beautifully, with all of him.
Toru strummed the strings once, twice, thrice—until it becomes a steady yet soft rhythm piercing the silence of their home.
“Ima
(Right now)
Taka started singing, his voice low and rough, raw and full of passion.
Sou tatta ima
(Yes, right now)
—he directly looked at Toru’s eyes, noticing how the younger’s heavily lidded gaze never left his face. It was as if Toru is expecting something—
Kimi shika mienai sekai kara
(From the world only you can see me)
Kimi dake shikainai sekai ni kawattemo
(Even if it changes to a world where you are the only one)
—what more can he want from Taka?—
Boku wa kimi wo kirei ni aishitai no
(I want to love you beautifully)
—the things I want to say to you—
Kimidake wo kirei ni aishitai
(I want to only love you beautifully)
He closed his eyes, not being able to stand the man’s heated gaze as he softly sang with the melodies of the acoustic guitar.
La la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la la
Ohhhhhh Ohhhhh
Mada tada kimi wo aishitetai
(I still just want to love you)
—I hope you feel the same—
Tada tada kimi wo aishitetai
(I just want to love you)
—And show it to the world—
Mada mada kimi wo aishitetai
(I still want to love you more)
Mada kimi wo aishitai
(I still want to love you)
—forever—
Kimi wo aishitarinai
(I cannot love you enough)
As the last strums of guitar reverberate into the silence of their home, Taka opened his eyes. Toru is looking at him, a soft smile playing on his lips. He smiled, knowing that the guitarist is amused by this song.
"That was, ah," Toru shook his head when his voice cracked a little. Taka's shy grin grew wider when he noticed that the younger's lips are trembling—in excitement or happiness, he don't know.
"That was so beautiful, Taka," he rasped out with the deep voice Taka loves so much. He then extended his arm to grab Taka at his nape, forcing the vocalist to lean onto his shoulder, "You're so amazing..."
"Yeah," Taka smiled, feeling the stress and tension slowly dissipating from his body, now that he sang that composition, “too bad that we can't announce it to the world, huh?"
"We can," Toru said making Taka to glance up at him in confusion, "let's ditch your silly skits. Let's include this in an album—,"
"Really?!" Taka leaned back in excitement. The world would hear his voice, his confession, his heartfelt desire to love Toru?! "Wow!"
Toru smiled at him, his thumb brushing the unshed tears in the corner of his eyes, "Yeah... That was too beautiful to be ignored; you're too amazing to be only singing that to me—,"
"But it's for you!"
"Hai, hai!" Toru relented; stealing a quick kiss on Taka’s flushed cheeks, "breakfast?"
Taka blushed even more, before he stood up and stretched his limbs; he saw Toru setting the guitar aside and picking up the mess he made with papers in his peripherals, "it's actually lunch now, Toru-san," he teasingly said before padding towards the door leading to the kitchen.
But just as he was going to turn the knob, Toru spoke from his spot on the couch.
"Taka?"
His hand halted its motion as he slowly glanced over his shoulder to see Toru looking down at his scratch papers. Toru, then, stared directly at him— a genuine smile forming on his thin lips.
"Hmmm?"
"I love you. Always remember that."
Taka blinked, and in that instant, he felt like all of his worries burst like bubbles, leaving only this warm, fuzzy feeling rumbling in his chest. He smiled; a genuine smile of happiness, for the first time on that morning.
Ah, loving Toru-san has always been this simple, right?