Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

EVEN 1 "I would even read Baz Luhrmann's diary!"

Then we dance on the H of the Hollywood sign

'Til we run out of breath, gotta dance 'til we die

My boyfriend's back

And he's cooler than ever

There's no more night, blue skies forever

Humming to Lust for Life, Even watched the people on the street that rushed past him. He saw a big mix of different people: women, men, black people, women with a hijab, nuns, brown people, but mostly white people. A lot of them were in a hurry, because they were probably on their way home or work, while others were way more chilled. Every once in a while he saw a couple, kissing each other or giving each other the brightest smiles, reminding him of his lovely boyfriend, who was waiting for him at their apartment. But of all the couples, he never saw a gay one. He let out a quiet sigh and looked at his phone, as it buzzed in his hand.

Mannen i mitt liv

Hey baby! How was therapy? Are you on your way home?

Even immediately smiled. It's been almost a year since they got together and 5 days since they came back from their first holiday in Morocco. They had a great time and Even was the happiest he's been in a while. It seemed like everything is going the right way, he even got accepted to the Universitet i Oslo. He's going to study media communication and film production together with Elias and Mikael in 3 days. It has been really great between him and the Balloon-Squad, since they met during the summer break and talked about everything that had happened and cleared up. He took his medication and went regularly to therapy. Everything was going uphill and he was more than glad about that, since there was a long time where everything was going shitty. Now he has a job and is going to study his dream job, he has his mental illness under control, he got his best friends back and the most important thing: Even found the love of his life. He smiled at his phone.

It was fine, I'll be home in 5, I bought us some food <3

As he got off of the tram he took out his keys, not paying attention to the road until he bumped into someone. He immediately opened his mouth to apologize, but the stranger did not even give him a chance to do it.

 "Are you fucking blind?! Watch where you’re going! Pay attention..", the guy scanned Even's body, until he saw the pan-pride pin on Even's denim-jacket, "...fag." With a disgusted look the guy pushed Even to the side and walked past him. Even failed to do anything, he couldn't say anything. The blue eyed boy stared at the stranger in absolute shook. He wasn't used to homophobic or LGTBphobic people or comments at all, because everyone that he knew accepted him the way he was and he didn't really surround himself with homophobic people. He wasn't used to situations like these, he felt completely uncomfortable in his own skin. What a terrible world we live in..

He shook his head in hope that he could forget everything that just happened and pulled out his keys to unlock the door. When he opened the door he could hear that Isak was listening to Gabrielle. Instantly a smile curled up on Even's lips and he directly forgot the obnoxious stranger.

"Baby, I'm home!", he shouted while taking off his jacket and shoes. The music was too loud, so it was impossible for Isak to hear him. Even decided to surprise him, putting the food in the kitchen he tiptoed to the living room, to only seeing Isak playing FIFA with his back to the door. Even‘s sly smile grew even wider, watching his boyfriend cursing while playing. He crept to him and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. Isak slightly jerked, then grinned and looked to his boyfriend.

"Halla!", Even whispered in his ear, causing the goosebumps on Isak's neck. "Hei!", Isak turned his face to him lifting up his chin, expecting a kiss. Even grinned while putting one hand on his cheek and kissed his way from his cheek to his lips. The younger boy put the controller down and turned himself full to his boyfriend. He buried his hands in the older boys soft hair. Even softly bit into his lower lip pushing his tongue gently into the younger boys mouth. They made out a little bit longer before separating again, with Isak ending up sitting on Even's lap. As they parted they opened their eyes again, looking into each others eyes, both of them smiled bright.

"How was your day?", Even murmured in his low tone into Isak's ear, causing Isak to bury his face into Even's neck. "It was chill, but I missed you", he mumbled, Even laughed slightly. "I was away for only a few hours"

"I know, I just missed you..kissing you..", he said in a soft voice, while kissing his boyfriend's neck, his fingers still tangled in his hair. Even hissed quietly, as Isak found his secret spot. Isak started sucking first slightly, but sucked harder with the time. Even let out a sigh of satisfaction and stroked the younger boys back further down until he grabbed his ass. Isak whined quietly and let go of Even's neck, only to leave a big purplish lovebite behind. Even couldn't help but smirk at Isak's reaction. Isak kissed Even hungrily pressing his hips even closer to his, as the younger boy felt the erection against his own, he moaned loud into Even's mouth. Even pressed Isak into the couch, hovering over him he bit his lip at the sight of his boyfriend: flushed cheeks, swollen lips and messed up hair.

"You're so fucking beautiful Isak Valtersen", he murmured against his lips, causing the younger boy to blush. "I love you so much", Even whispered as he stroke a blonde curl away of his forehead. "I love you too", Isak smiled brightly and as he wanted to take of Even's shirt and to continue what they started, Even's phone ringed. Even rolled his eyes, letting out a sigh he sat up again. He grabbed his phone and answered the call.

"Hey, what's up?", Isak sat up as well, still pouting.

"Hey, did you also get the mail from UiO?", he couldn't hear Mikael's voice very clear, it sounded like he was surrounded by a lot of people. 

"Eh..no, I just got home. What is it?"

"They sent an invitation to all freshmen for some get together, like to get to know each other and they'll talk about the courses..uh I guess it's tomorrow evening. Are you up to it?" , Even ran his fingers through his hair, thinking about the new chapter in his life, that is going to start sooner as he thought.

"Yeah, of course. Are all the boys coming?"

"Yes, we'll meet at Elias' before"

"Ok, I'll be there."

"See ya bro.", Isak looked at him with questioning eyes.

"It was Mikael, tomorrow is some get together for freshmen at UiO", the younger boy nodded and grinned a little bit. Even narrowed his eyes, as he hovered over him again, a slight smile curling his lips.

"What is so funny?"

"It's just...my boyfriend is going to be a filmmaker, I'm so fucking proud!", Isak giggled, causing Even to smile even more.

"I mean you should be! Someday I'm going to be as great as Baz Luhrmann!", Isak rolled his eyes at that.

"Should I be worried over your obsession with this man? I mean you're allowed to be obsessed with ME..", Isak grinned bright, while Even raised his brows.

"You're talking about a fucking genius! I would even read Baz Luhrmann's diaries!", Even rubbed his nose against Isak's and both of them laughed.

"I think that you're going to be even better than Baz Luhrmann.."; at those words Even blushed a little. Even tough Isak and Even compliment each other a lot, Even felt an overwhelming feeling of happiness because of Isak's recognition of his hard work. Even brought all of his thoughts together in his film projects, he paraphrased them, because they were so complex. In that way he could reveal and put his conflicted thoughts straight. It was better and so much easier than to try to explain it in a conversation. Since Even's mind was his biggest burden, it affected him even more, that Isak - the love of his life - just appreciated his projects. It meant the world to him. He leaned over the younger boy and kissed him passionately. The blue eyed boy stroked his cheeks and caressed with his other hand the revealed skin of his waist, slowly pulling his shirt higher. 

"Mhm..baby, I really want to go on, but I'm really hungry.", Isak mumbled against Even's lips. Even laughed, while he was sitting up again. Isak grinned and stood up.

"Come on then!"

Chapter Text

EVEN 2 "Jonathan"

The boys will be there, everything's going to be fine... Oh my fucking god why am I so fucked up??? I'm so complicated, why do I have to be like that?! It will ruin everything. I don't know if I can do all this. I don't know if I can make this. As soon as everyone will realize that I'm bipolar AND that I'm pansexual everyone will judge me, everyone will hate me... Since that homophobic asshole everything feels so different, I feel so uncomfortable... If I would've told Isak it would be even worse, I have no idea what I should do

His hands started to sweat, his fingers were getting cold. He felt like his head was spinning and that his heart was going to jump out of his chest. The anxious feeling, that feeling, in your stomach. That fluttering warm feeling in the pit of your stomach, that makes you to want to throw up all your feelings. It's terrifying.

I feel like I'm getting overwhelmed and stifled from all sides, like I will explode in any second, I fucking hate that feeling. I hate that fucking illness so much! I'm not good enough and I will never be good enough, definitely and especially not for Isak. No one wants a psychotic human burden voluntary in their life. Isak deserves so much better, my family and friends deserve way better...

I -

"Even?", he turned abruptly to the door, where his boyfriend stood, looking surprised at him. "Why are you still here? I thought you were long gone by now." Isak took a step closer to him and looked at him with his angelic smile, but still, Even couldn't look at him in this moment without to break. He quickly lowered his gaze and looked to his feet.

"Uh, I...I guess, uh that I forgot something...something important..", Isak took his hands in his. He lifted Even's chin gently with his other hand, so that he was forced to look into the younger boys eyes. Quickly Isak realized what was really going on. He kissed him softly.

"Even, you're so apt, so kind, so talented. Everyone will love you, everyone will wish to be friends with you. Besides, you still have the boys with you, and you will always have them, certainly me too. Everything will be fine", Isak gave him his brightest smile and kissed him again passionately "I love you so much Even."

A little smile curled Even's lips after the calming and loving words. His thoughts were indeed still there, but were pushed in that secret corner of his mind, where all those humiliating thoughts were normally kept, by Isak's loving words.

"I mean you're always so charming, polite, so kind and friendly to everyone, and you're so talented and smart, but I mean I'm still smarter than you, obviously", Isak grinned teasingly, whereas Even quietly snorted "but you're so fucking handsome and...sexy..."

"Oh really?", Even raised his brows and a little smile lit up his face. Isak nodded slightly and examined Even's body. His boyfriend was wearing a white shirt with rolled up sleeves and a tight black jeans, which defined and showed off his long slim legs even more. Isak kissed him again, that time with passion and desire.

"Leave...now", he mumbled into the kiss "otherwise I'm not letting you go anymore", with a chuckle the older boy parted from him. His phone buzzed and he checked with a short look, that Mikael and Adam were waiting for him outside. With a deep breath and a smile towards Isak, he let go of him.

"Thank you...I love you."

As they entered the building a lot of people were hurrying past them, most of them were standing in little groups and were talking to each other. They were a little bit lost until Mutta saw a guy they still knew from Bakka. Even felt a little lost. He didn't know the boy and wasn't really thinking about making any attempts to get into their conversation, so he moved a bit apart from the group. It wasn't like the boy seemed unlikeable or something like that, not at all. He was talking animated with the boys about old Bakka-times and joked around. The thing was, Even still needed time to get comfortable around new people or strangers. He was afraid that he could fuck things up, by saying or doing the wrong thing. He wasn't even 100% sure how he should act around the boys, fuck social anxiety. Mikael though pulled him out of his thoughts.

"That's Even, he went to Bakka too, but transferred to Nissen to repeat his third year, but he's also going to study media communication", Mikael put one hand on Even's shoulder and squeezed it comforting. Even put on a friendly smile, as he stretched out his hand.

"I'm Matheo, wow cool! We're probably going to be in the same class then.", he smiled brightly at him. Immediately Even felt less tense and they were already chatting excitedly about movies, until 3 boys were making their way up to them. Even didn't really notice them first, until they were standing right next to Matheo. He looked up briefly and instantly lowered his gaze as he recognized the sly looking face in front of him.

"Oh hey! I don't know if you already know each other, buuut these are Leon, Markus and Jonathan. They went to Bakka too", Even tried frantically to hide his face.  This can't be really happening right now

"Of course, we had math together right?", Elias pulled the three boys into a side hug. Jonathan had a smug smile on his face and was watching Even, who clearly wanted to disappear instantly. 

"That are Mikael and Even tho", Elias introduced them. Mikael smiled politely and even shook their hands, while Even only murmured a quiet "Hallå".

"Ah Even...we already know each other right?", Jonathan raised his brows and smirked at him, making Even to feel the urge to spit at him.

"Probably, I also went to Bakka, we maybe had some class together...", Even tried to appear as confident as possible, towards them but also towards himself.

"Oh really, didn't you transfer to Nissen? I heard from a few friends that you transferred to repeat your last year? Why tho?", all eyes turned to Even, who wished that the ground would open and swallow him up.

"uh...I, um I...", he searched desperately for the right words, for a believable excuse.

"He had some family problems and his grades got worse, he knew some people at Nissen so he transferred to it", Even could've kissed Mikael in that moment (not in that way guys!!!). He seemed so reliable that that topic finished and Adam started a new topic quickly, which Even was more than glad about. Jonathan though was still looking at Even, with narrowed eyes, but Even ignored him. He just hoped that he will leave him alone and won't bring any awkward topics up. Fortunately everything went off good, till the teachers and professors attended on the stage.

"Welcome to UiO freshmen!", he turned to the stage, as everyone was clapping in their hands, "Monday will be the day a new chapter will begin in your life, we hope you'll have a great start!"

"What is up with that guy, Jonathan tho?", after an hour of several speeches from professors ended, Even was walking with Mikael to the buffet, to get something to drink. Even sighed, looking for the mentioned boy.

"I ran into him the other day, he was totally rude and made some homophobic comment about me when he saw the pan-pin...I think I saw him a few times when I was still at Bakka. I didn't know him really, maybe he heard some rumors or something I don't know dude...", Even ran his fingers through his already messed up hair and sighed again. That's all he needed - a homophobic bully. As he wanted to turn around to get something to drink, he crashed into someone and soon he felt wetness on his arms and his shirt.

"Oh fuck! I'm so sorry...", he looked up and saw a woman, not older than 30, dark hair in a bun and blue intense eyes, staring at him in a look, he couldn't really define. She was attractive, undeniable.

"Uh god, no problem...", she wiped away the wetness off her skirt.

"Shit I'm sorry Ma'am, should i get you something?"

"No,it's fine", she examined him with a short look "I guess you got more of it than me anyway.", taking a tissue from the table she rubbed slightly over his stained shirt that covered his chest. Even stared at her with irritation, his mouth slightly open. He clearly was not expecting that, so he really didn't know what he should do.

"Actually it's Mrs Pedersen, Mr Bech Næsheim", she let go off of his shirt "We'll see each other on Monday.", she gave him a certain look, then turned around and left the two boys with baffled looks.

"What the fuck...was that?", Mikael brought out after a few seconds.

"I have no fucking idea.", Even shook his head and turned to him. "I should go to the bathroom", the strong scent of alcohol rose into his nose, making him wrinkle his nose. Mikael just nodded and turned around to get himself a drink.

As he made his way outside to the campus and searched for the bathroom, he saw a figure a few feet in from of him in the dark.

"Are you lost?", he had to listen closely to identify who was talking to him. When he figured out he rolled his eyes, holding back an annoyed groan. He just wanted to walk past him and to keep looking for a bathroom, he really didn't have any nerves left. But Jonathan held him back.

"Just let me go dude.", Even said with lots more confidence than before. Jonathan only laughed and Even just wanted to punch him in his balls. Even was a really calm and peaceful person and he was polite and kind to practically everyone, but this guy was straining his nerves and he brought up the most uneasy topics of him. He just didn't understand what his problem was.

"Seriously just leave me alone, I don't understand what your fucking problem is? You don't even know me man?", Even shook his hand off of his arm. Jonathan gave him a hateful gaze.

"You're a psycho fag, literally everyone knows that you went completely crazy and now you have your little bitch of a boyfriend. Insane people like you shouldn't even be allowed to walk li-", Even's fist broke off his words and he already lunged out for another punch, directly in his face, where his sly smirk was just seconds ago.

"You sick son of a bitch! Don't you ever call him a bitch again!", Even never thought about violence as an option. He thought that literally every conflict could be solved with words, but the moment he brought up Isak and titled him as insane, he fucking lost it. As he raised his fist for another clout, Jonathan punched him in his stomach and hit Even in the face, right at his nose. And he stroke at him again and again until Even punched back. The fight went on a few seconds, until he heard voices behind him and arms that pulled the two boys off of each other. Everything passed by like a rush, his anger nearly felt manic.

"I will ruin your fucking life you psycho!"

That's the only thing he remembered.