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A Disciple of the Whills listens, to the song of the Whills and the voice of the world. But there are times in his life where Bodhi has felt like he had gone deaf. Not as in actual loss of hearing, the sounds of the world reach him without impediment. No, the deathly quiet that three times permeated his world is not made of moving molecules.
oOoOo
The first time he experiences this dearth is on Jedha. On the day that he first meets Cassian, when they run out of Gerrera's hideout, when he sees the horizon rise up high in the air and come roaring towards him, loud enough to make him stop in his tracks. That is the first time his world loses all sound.
The second is on Scarif. As the shuttle he pilots takes off, Cassian and Jyn just barely on board, helped by Chirrut, Baze slouching against the hull, dazed by an explosion and almost as badly burned as Bodhi. He sees the flare of sickly verdant stab through the sky and once again a horizon is torn away from its rightful place, tossed it into the sky with malicious disregard.
This time, the sudden and painful deafness almost makes him faint and crash the shuttle. Only the jarring pain when Cassian jostles him, trying to reach across the back of the pilot's chair and grab hold of the steering, keeps him from doing so.
oOoOo
The first two times his world goes still he doesn't know what it is that is happening, why the silence hurts so much. Not until Chirrut and Baze starts training him does he understand.
It isn't the Dark Side.
The Dark is part of the Force, part of life. Chaotic, erratic and often destructive, burgeoning with energy, yes. But those things are also life. Years later he feels the Dark Side in full strength when he travels to Arkanis, it is so powerful it almost steals his breath.
But it isn't silence. If anything, the Dark Side is too much noise, too loud and off-key.
The Light can be just as oppressive when dominant, like a single tone draw out for far too long. Ear piercingly sharp and crystal clear, without any breaks or variance.
Nor is the stillness death.
Death is quiet, sometimes, but it is never silent. When it is peaceful it is akin to a song slowly fading into the inaudible, but the tune still lingers in memory. When it is not, when the song is destructively disrupted before its time, the quiet it leaves behind rings out long after it is gone.
No, the stillness engendered by the Death Star is something different altogether from this. A destruction so vicious and complete it seems to tear the Force itself asunder, leaving only an excruciating quietude behind it.
oOoOo
Silences, true silences, occur naturally, as the Dark and the Light shifts, each leading and following in turn. They can be hard – the silence of grief, often punctuated by sharp dissonant notes – and they can be soft – the quiet calm of peaceful rest – and always they hold potency, the seedling of change.
The first time he experiences such a true silence, though he still does not know what it is at the time, is when he and Cassian first kiss. Cassian is looking at him, eyes warm and an easy smile Bodhi has never seen before on his lips. Bodhi smiles back, his chest feeling warm and soft. The world falls into a hush, a song Bodhi are not yet aware he hears ebbing into less than a whisper.
The resounding harmony when their lips touch might have drawn his attention to his developing abilities had his mind not been fully occupied by other things.
oOoOo
Bodhi's world falls silent only once more in his life.
Not at Endor, he isn't there. Though he supposes later when told about the battle that, had he been, he would have felt that same painful stillness when the Death Star fired on the Rebel fleet. It makes him feel glad that he wasn't.
No, the third time is over thirty years later, as he travels to Hosnia Prime – the current seat of the Republic Senate – with a petition on behalf of the Jedhan settlement of Da-tung and the larger Diaspora community.
As they near the system he hears that same unnatural stillness, the harrowing stillness and knows what they will see before they exit hyperspace. Even then, he too can only sit in shocked horror at the extent of the destruction when he sees it.
As the crew starts to scan for possible survivors Bodhi closes his eyes and tries to ignore the stillness he had hoped were gone from the galaxy forever.