Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There were beads of dew upon the leaves, a soft mist hanging in the air, the grass lush beneath my feet. It was a dream of peace, a forest built to my exact liking and I breathed in sweet air with contentment.

There was a glow at the edge of my conscious though, a persistent light that tugged on the strands of reality.

A flash of green and suddenly my right arm tingled as if it lay against a thousand needles, but I ignored it and focused on the light. The glow took shape until I recognized it as a woman.

The woman’s mouth opened as if to speak, but no words came.

It was as if she had uttered some command though, one unheard but understood, for everything began to peel away like paint. Flecks of green brushed against my skin as I reached out for the retreating form of the glowing woman.

Suddenly, lightning flowed through my right arm and I yelled out, dropping to my knees. The pain subsided quickly leaving behind a tingling feeling as if my arm had fallen asleep.

When I looked up I was alone in the darkness.

I was becoming aware of my reality though, conscious of substance beyond the dream realm. I knew I was laying on hard ground and that I was unable to move my hands. I was sore and aching too.

And I was not alone.

There was a breath on my earlobe and I felt someone insert a tremulous finger against the palm of my right hand. It was withdrawn with a gasp and the presence no longer felt so close. With concentrated effort I rolled over and opened my eyes.

I had expected to see a person. What I saw instead was...impossible.

I shut my eyes again trying to reason out my predicament. I had to be dreaming still so perhaps I was waking up from a dream into another dream like the movie Inception depicted. Either way I was now conscious of dreaming and should be able to exert some control over it. Lucid dreams had always been my favorite for this reason as they gave me awareness over the story and decisions made and allowed myself to exercise control.

Lying still I began to focus on changing the situation. The discomfort I was feeling was unnecessary so I tried to will that pain away first. When that failed I I tried to imagine a new environment for myself. Taking a deep breath I opened my eyes to see the effect.

Nothing had changed.

I was still in a dimly lit room with my back against hard stone and staring up into the eyes of an elf. She had long red hair and a dark green pattern on her face. I had never seen her face before, but something was pulling at the edge of my mind that I had seen her facial drawing somewhere.

It wasn’t until I tried to sit up that I realized my hands had been bound.

I had enough motor skills to know that I wasn’t suffering sleep paralysis at least not in a way I was familiar with, but the feeling of this dream was also vastly different from anything I had experienced before. It almost felt real.

“Hey, everything’s ok. We’re safe right now. Do you have a name?”

Her voice broke my thoughts and I looked at her unsure that I had heard correctly. My name is… but somehow it didn’t feel right to say. I had never been asked my name before in a dream and answering her question felt off. Again, it felt real as if we were having an honest interaction and not one manufactured by my thoughts.

“Can you remember how you got here?” She asked instead when I did not answer.

I didn’t know where here was much less how I came to be. I didn’t even remember how I came to be kneeling. Which was a good sign that I was dreaming. I remember many stories where a dreamer is able to wake after they fail to recall how they arrived, when they realize the errors of their story. I had no recollection of how I got here so maybe here was just a dream.

With that realization I expected to awaken, instead the elf continued to look at me expectantly.

I was starting to feel frustrated. There were so many errors of this dream state, impossibilities, that I should be able to exert all the control that comes with lucid dreaming, but instead I still felt caught in the parameters, forced to follow along. I tightened my jaw and answered, hoping my cooperation, however unwilling would yield answers, “Not really, though it might help to know where ‘here’ is.”

“If I had to take a guess, I would say we’re in Haven,” she replied.

Haven.

I recognized that name and suddenly it all made sense. I looked closely at the elven girl across from me and suddenly recognized her tattoo as vallaslin and the gash I had seen on her hand earlier must have been the mark. I was dreaming of Dragon Age then, which made perfect sense as I had been obsessed with the franchise as of late. Recently having completed the DLC for the third game I had jumped straight into writing and reading fanfiction centered around the events of DAI completely obsessing about the world.

“That makes a bit more sense,” I said finally finding my voice. “Are you from the Lavellan clan then?”

Her shock was not faked, but I was more stunned when she turned it around on me.

“What? But I’m not a….” Something in her confused expression stopped me and I turned my head away. Tentatively I reached up to feel my ears.

They were long, tapered, and sensitive.

I looked back at her to confirm my discovery and saw her doing the same check I had just done. She had a look of horrified fascination as her hand traced the long edge of her ear.

“We’re elves!” She exclaimed, turning her wide-eyed look to me.

I was dumbfounded, “Did you not expect to be?”

“No,” she answered shaking her head in emphasis, “last I checked I was human. Do you know what that mark is on your hand?”

I looked at her perplexed. What was she talking about? The mark was clearly on her hand, but again something in her expression stopped me and I looked down. My left palm was unmarked. However, my right one bore a green split in the middle. I rubbed a finger along it and suddenly felt queasy.

“That’s the anchor, but you already have one and mine’s on the wrong side,” I answered slowly. My mind was in overdrive with questions now and I was frantically trying to process everything. “How did it get there?” I managed to finally say..

“I don’t know, but like you said I have it too. I don’t know what is happening or how either of us got here, but I think it’s safe to say that this is not the world either of us came from. How much do you know of this world?”

“This world being Dragon age right?” I verified. She seemed confident in her placement, but I still wasn’t entirely sure I wasn’t dreaming this or outright hallucinating it. At her nod though I continued, “I only played Inquisition and its DLC. I never went through the first two, but I’ve read a lot of fanfiction, even wrote some, so I’m pretty well versed in the lore of this world even if I may not be familiar with the characters from the previous games.” I sat thinking for a moment and then in a bit of a rush let the top questions on my brain spill out, “What about you? Are we both really in another world? Why do we both have the mark? I’m really not dreaming this?”

I saw the hint of a smile on her face as she replied, “Those are questions I would love to have answers to, but I’m afraid I don’t know any more than you do. The good thing is that I played all of the Dragon Age games and the DLC which means both of us have a pretty good idea of what is expected going forward, if we’re lucky that is. It might not follow the storyline we expect at all. There are two marks now which means everything could be altered. The whole story could be different.”

She was right, if not a bit ahead of herself. I was intricately more concerned with surviving the next few hours than debating the future of Thedas and meeting the expectations that came with the mark. My anchor might not even work or act the same as hers. It could just be a shoddy replica, something my brain came up with to try and make this dream seem more believable.

Still, until I was sure of what this was I couldn’t afford to act carelessly. Better to pretend it was all real until I knew for sure.

When I relayed that to her she agreed full-heartedly and afterwards we sat in silence.

It was my first chance to really look around and I solemnly took stock of my surroundings. The walls and floor were built from heavy stone and there were no windows only a few lit torches. There was one point of entrance and exit in the shape of a solidly built looking door.

As for myself, I seem uninjured except for the occasionally glowing gash on my right palm. I was dressed completely different though. The last clothes I remembered wearing was my work uniform which resembled nothing like the organically designed clothes I now modeled. I was wearing thick leggings that felt as if they were made out of animal skin. The tunic I wore felt the same as well though I could see it had fur lining on the inside. I also had calf high boots on, that were not produced with any material I was used to wearing and a wide belt around my waist. Looking at my companion I confirmed she was dressed exactly as I was.

I was in the middle of considering various possibilities of how to wake myself up, survive this, and figuring out what this even was when she made a sudden declaration, “What’s taking them so long? We’ve been awake for probably a half hour now. They were supposed to come in right as we awoke. Apparently the timing isn’t going to be reliable.”

My brow furrowed.“Right, what do you think we should do?”

“This,” she announced and stood, walking over to unapologetically bang on the door.

Attracting our captors attention hadn’t exactly been what I expected nor wanted. There was still so much I wanted to think about before we were pulled from the safety of our cell and I opened my mouth to stop her when I saw the slit in door slide open.

It was too late. We’d been noticed.

Chapter Text

A guard escort marched in, two of them grabbing Lavellan at the door and hauling her backwards roughly. Another pair came for me and looping their hands under my arms half dragged-walked me to the middle of the floor. They pushed me down roughly until I knelt facing the door.

Releasing us the guards took point along the wall and the door opened afterwards to allow two figures entrance.

My breath caught in my throat at the familiarity of the two woman. They were different. Not strangers as I could easily recognize who they were but more real, as if being cosplayed by perfect look-a-likes. The first woman had dark short hair much like mine and was dressed in leather armor. The individual behind her was wearing her customary hooded cloak that kept her face in shadows.

The armored woman was quick to take charge and began to circle Lavellan and I.

“Tell me why we shouldn’t kill you.”

I flinched at the hardness of her tone, starting to feel a little scared. Keeping my eyes glued to the floor I waited with baited breath to see if Lavellan answered her. I couldn’t remember any of the safe answers the game script provided in the moment and thought it best to remain quiet.

When neither of us answered her question the woman expressed her displeasure, “Everyone at the conclave is dead except for you two.” Her hand shot out to roughly grab mine. I winced at her grip, it was strong and very realness of it sped my heart up.

“Explain this!” She seethed, her breath hot on my face.

“I-I can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?”

“Because I don’t know. I have no idea how it got there!” I yelled, raising my voice to match hers.

The statement was all truth. I knew how the player character received the mark, but I had no idea how it got on my hand or if my mark was even real.

The truth did not sit well with the Seeker though.

Wrenching my arm she twisted me to the ground and unable to catch myself I hit it hard with my shoulder. The pain was real. There was a wet sensation at the corners of my eyes and when I looked up I found I could not speak for fear. I was looking point blank at the tip of Cassandra’s sword. There was little doubt in my mind that she intended to use it if pushed. I turned away as best I could, laying my forehead against the cool stone and let the tears fall.

I’m going to die.

Vaguely I heard Lavellan’s voice responding to Cassandra, but I was not focused on them. I was desperately trying to wake up. To feel my bed beneath me, to remember the sounds of the city I lived in, to be human and me. I lay still, half hoping they would forget I even existed.

They didn’t of course and I saw Cassandra’s boots beside me. She reached down and helped me to stand before she replaced my iron bindings with rope ones. I found myself staring at her face, using it as my anchor to this world; this reality. She was so familiar to my eyes and yet different and I started comparing every little detail there to how she looked in game.

I could feel her growing unease beneath my stare and so I moved my eyes to the door we were about to exit. I wondered what I would see out there.

“What exactly happened?” I asked softly and dreading the answer.

Cassandra met my eyes with a mixed expression on her face. I could tell she wasn’t certain how to answer and so she busied herself with finishing off the knots on the rope. “It will be easier to show you,” she said finally.

Several seconds later she did, as we stepped out into the world.

It was blinding when we first exited and it took my eyes a moment to adjust to the sudden change in light, but when they did I found it immediately; the gaping hole in the sky and I felt my mouth go dry with terror.

The Breach was an abyss. There was a fathomless depth to it and an aura of menace. Beyond that, I could feel it. It was as if the Breach existed in my bones as well, making them hum with power.

Cassandra began to explain, “We call it the ‘Breach’. It’s a massive rift into the demon world that grows larger with each passing hour. It isn’t the only rift, but it is by far the largest. They were caused by the explosion at the Conclave.”

“We survived that?” I expressed. My hands were starting to shake.

“They say you both fell out of a rift. Her, then you. Some saw a woman behind you. Maybe the very one she claims to have seen.”

“A rift?”

I had a good idea of what her answer would be when I asked, but I wanted to verify and double-check everything I could. I wanted to know for sure that the information I had been given from the games was still valid here.

Her answer matched my expectation. The rifts and the Breach were connected.

That knowledge gave me comfort for a brief moment and then the pain struck. Flashing once, the Breach rumbled off thunder like a deep bellow and then my arm became lanced with pain. The power of it drove me to my knees. Collapsing, I pressed my affected limb into the snow, wanting the cold to numb it as I blinked back the wetness forming in my eyes. The sharp pain left quickly, but my hand felt swollen from the shock of it.

“Each time the Breach expands, your marks spread...and they are killing you. Your marks may be the key to stopping this but there isn’t much time,” Cassandra stated. There was a hint of fear in her voice and that made me even more afraid.

“How are we supposed to stop this?” I plead.

“Not much time? I’ll say. It’s killing us!” Lavellan huffed on the other side of me.

Cassandra ignored her, “Your marks may be used to close the Breach. Whether that is possible is something we shall discover shortly. It is our only chance however, and yours. If you both wish to prove your innocence, this is the only way.”

“You still think we did this? To ourselves?”

“You are the only two to have survived the explosion. That is exactly what I think, though I do not believe the results were as you intended.”

The Seeker and I glared at each other. I knew she could and would force me to go along if it came to that, and truthfully I did want to help, but somehow I couldn’t take that step just yet; that commitment. I was afraid. So from my position in the snow I glared up at her, pleading and asking with my eyes that she promise we would be OK before I budge.

“Alright, we understand,” Lavellan jumped in, breaking the stalemate. I shifted my eyes to hers and the determination I saw there gave me the courage I needed. “We’ll do what we can. Whatever it takes”

Our course decided, Cassandra pulled me up and guided me by the arm through Haven.

It was a larger town than depicted in the game, set up almost in tiers with us currently on the highest one. Down below I saw a vast arrangement of structures, some obviously well-built, while others looked temporary. I did not observe for long before I dropped my gaze. All the faces I had seen were filled with hatred and blame. All directed at us.

I was glad when Cassandra started speaking again as it distracted me.

I was even gladder when we passed through the gates and the crowd shut out behind us. Cassandra released her grip on my arm and pulled out a dagger. I tensed, unsure if she meant to strike me, knowing I could not fend her off, but she did nothing more than grasp the rope binding me and cut it. “There will be a trial. I can promise no more.”

With the lead and bindings removed I suddenly felt lost, as if I had been sent adrift into space and I thought for a moment that this would be the end of the dream and that I would awaken, but nothing changed. The snap of Lavellan’s voice brought me fully back to my new reality.

“You aren’t going to cut mine?” She demanded.

“No, you are more likely to run and I need some guarantee that your compatriot will not flee either.” Cassandra said flatly.

“You’ve got to be kidding. That giant hole opens up into the world of demons. You can’t send me out there with no way to defend myself! You needed us alive right?”

Lavellan was all spit and fire.

I could tell already how we contrasted. Where I was reserved and thoughtful, she was action and demand. She stood fierce and tall even before Cassandra as if her very will could shape the world around her; and it did, for the knife cut through her bindings moments later.

It was done grudgingly, but it was done.

“You will be the first I cut down should you or your companion attempt to flee” was Cassandra’s final issued warning before she took off on the path ahead clearly expecting us to follow.

I glanced at Lavellan who raised her brow in amusement before she fell into line behind the Seeker.

I was still scared out of mind by this dream that wasn’t a dream, but I was always good at putting on a brave face when I needed to. Taking a deep breath I glued my eyes to Lavellan’s back, using her bright hair as my anchor to this world. Whenever she stepped, I stepped and I began to pull myself through this.

We continued long enough in this momentum that I felt my panic began to ease and so I focused my gaze onto the world surrounding me. There was snow everywhere and I figured it must be winter here, though it was always hard to tell this far up in the mountains. Regardless of the season, the scenery was illuminating, crisp and bright, as if it was unaffected and unworried by the darkness of the sky above. There was a quiet peace in the air that made me relax and suck in deep mouthfuls of the fresh mountain air.

I had forgotten there was always peace before the storm.

There was an ominous flash and I cried out as pain and power seared through my arm. It drove me to the ground, hammered me there, and when it finally retreated I was in a cold sweat. Cassandra was by my side and I leaned heavily on her as she helped me to my feet, cradling the angry beehive that was my arm.

“The pulses are coming faster now,” Cassandra observed once I was stable. “The larger the Breach grows, the more rifts appear, the more demons we face. We must hurry. Are you able to run?”

I blanched at the suggestion of running. It had never been something I was particularly fond of doing and to demand it of my body now, after having felt as if I’d been struck by lightening made it something I fancied even less. Still, what could I do? Lavellan and Cassandra were making no objections about it.

As we took off on the path again, I found my strides actually came easy and the cardio proved refreshing. Though my body looked much the same I guessed it to be in much better physical shape than my human one and made a mental note to gauge its limits at some point.

At our increased pace it was not long before we spotted a bridge and the first sign of human life since we left Haven.

Chapter Text

I hesitated at the bridge, memory of the blast that shatters it flitting across my mind, but the other two ran onwards and so I followed them. The timing for everything hadn’t been the most reliable so perhaps I had nothing to worry about.

We were halfway across the bridge when we felt the impact.

I was still running when the blast propelled me forward and I hit the ground rolling until I came to a hard stop against broken stone. Debris crashed and rolled down around me. Stone dust rising in the air. I felt the ground shudder again. Heard Cassandra yell something.

Surprisingly uninjured, I hurriedly maneuvered to a standing position looking around wildly as I tried to make sense of the chaos about me. The bridge was all but gone. I saw Lavellan standing a short distance away, seemingly uninjured as well by the fall.

I saw Cassandra too. Her sword glinting as it cut and danced through the smoke.

Her opponent was a demon. It was more horrific and twisted than I could have imagined. Its body was formed from some sort of solid-liquid or solid-gas or liquid-gas, I couldn’t quite tell. There was an energy to it though, one that sank into my skin and buzzed ominously in my ears.

A movement caught the corner of my eye and the air around suddenly felt too thin to breathe as I seized up with terror, heart hammering in my chest. A few feet away now stood a second demon and it was quickly advancing upon Lavellan who stood defenseless before it.

The world felt paused in that moment.

A slow swallow. One deep breath. The brief respite of closed eyes and then I was moving. Spinning around to find the first thing even resembling a weapon. One of the barricades lay smashed nearby, a splintered plank pushed back to reveal the nails that had once connected it.

Before I could think I grabbed the wood, pulling back to pry it fully lose. Once free, I spun it to hold it by the splintered end and pointing the nailed side towards the demon, I shouted until it turned its gruesome face towards mine. Abandoning Lavellan, it advanced on me.

Great, my hands were shaking.

I hadn’t thought much past this moment. I knew I had no hopes of defeating the beast alone and that my best chance of survival would be to occupy the creature until Cassandra could help. I took a step backwards, but then I saw Lavellan approaching it from behind and with a broken spear head she sliced it across its back.

She must have done some damage for it spun fully towards her and left it’s back exposed to me.

Praying the nails wouldn’t stick to the demon as they would flesh, I brought the wooden weapon down hard upon the creature’s upper body. It was like hitting yarn though and as I pulled my weapon back there was a sensation of tearing thread. The creature’s energy dimmed slightly and I realized that severing those tethers loosened the demon’s hold on this plane.

It took about nine alternating strikes before the demon disappeared beneath my final blow.

My fear gave way to a dull pride as the creature vanished. We had won. Lavellan was grinning at me and I couldn’t help but smile back. I had never been in a fight before this one. Never had to truly physically defend myself either and it was a small relief to know that I was capable of doing so, though I hoped I wouldn’t have to demonstrate it again anytime soon.

“Drop your weapons. Now!” Cassandra cut through as she thundered towards us, sword extended and directed at Lavellan.

Lavellan complied immediately, dropping the spearhead with no hesitation and putting up her hands in submittal.

I on the other hand, looked at mine contemplatively. Though originally I had been loathe to hold a weapon I was now unsure about relinquishing it so easily. What if there were more fights? I would be defenseless. And if things played out true to game there would be no other opportunities for me to find a new weapon. A twig maybe or a large branch, but nothing with any steel in it. Still, I could tell Cassandra was not prepared to lose this argument.

With a resentful huff I tossed my weapon down.

“Wait. It will be hard to protect both of you and you should not be defenseless, especially since you are needed,” Cassandra relented and relaxed her stance. She withdrew her blade from Lavellan’s face and sheathed it before appraising us. “You did well against that demon, though you are both...unskilled. What were you two doing so far from your clan and at Conclave?”

The other elf gave a careless shrug.“It was supposed to be peaceful, right?”

The Seeker nodded in acceptance of Lavellan’s answer and soon had us both outfitted with daggers and a few techniques on how to use them. I felt much more secure with the weapons by my side and found myself thumbing the hilts often to check that they were still present and easy to reach as we moved forward again.

It was not long before we ran into more trouble as demons kept falling from the Breach.

I hung back for the most part when the groups were small, as three melee fighters soon became a crowd on the same target. That was not to say that I did not share my part of the action. While Cassandra and Lavellan addressed the Shades I would work on the peripheral wraiths that would sometimes appear.
These types of spirits did not do physical damage, but they would focus on Cassandra or Lavellan and hit them with energy attacks that sapped the melee fighters of their energy, weakening them. There was a buzzing energy about the wraiths and demons that I was able to sense. It made the wraiths easy to track even though they moved quickly and they seemed to pay me no mind as long as I was not in the thick of combat. After sneaking up on the spirits I was able to neutralize them with only a few strikes.

Despite my actions, I was still feeling terrified so when Cassandra’s call heralded another battle my blood ran cold with the thought of facing more demons and I felt my step falter for a moment. The desire to collapse, to cry out that this was all too much surfaced on my lips, but then I saw that quick flash of red; the hook, the anchor that pulled me forward and as my eyes focused on the back of Lavellan’s head I found my strength again.

One foot, then another.

My mantra of focus.

It carried me to the top of the stairs and that’s when I saw it: the rift. It was larger than I expected, a green glowing crystal cluster that was ever shifting. New crystals jutting out from the main body in a shower of green sparks while others were sucked back in. The air hummed with energy and I felt a focus around my mark as if the rift was trying to communicate with it.

Below the rift, two figures were engaged in a desperate fight.

I did not slow my pace as I charged down the hill towards battle, selecting my daggers from their place at my hips to draw them deep across the back of the first demon I encountered. I fought wildly, the whole battle becoming a blur, cutting and jabbing at anything in my path, moving on pure instinct, the only goals in my head to survive and reach the rift to close it.

Though it felt like an eternity, the battle was over in moments.

“Quickly, before more come through,” a tenored voice cried out beside me before a hand caught my wrist pulling me around to face the rift and angeling my marked palm upwards. It was so quick I dropped the dagger I was holding. Moments later, I felt an intense, but tightly controlled power flow into me and guide a current of energy in the right direction and suddenly my anchor sparked and reached out to the rift to create a bond. A stronger nudge on the current and suddenly I knew I had to push at the rift with my own will.

The rift would not close though. It was as if I was trying to stuff fluffing back into a plush that was already full and had a tear at the to other end. I could push it on one side, but then it would pop out in another place. It was not until Lavellan’s power joined mine that together we were able to seal up the tear.

With a satisfying crack, it warped into itself and vanished.

Even though the rift was gone, I stood frozen, almost afraid to breathe. I knew who I expected to see beside me. I found my eyes drawn to the point of our contact, a strong hand around my small wrist, but it let go of me suddenly, as if realizing we were touching. I felt the power withdrawn in the same moment.

I turned to my right, feeling my heart become hitched in my throat as I met the gray-blue eyes of another familiar face.

Everything I knew about him came rushing to the forefront of my mind. Who he really was. What he had done. What he planned to do. His face was one I had spent countless hours agonizing over, reloading and replaying as I wondered if something I had said or done had caused his choices, until exasperated I finally looked it up and realized that nothing could be altered.

I wasn’t just playing a video game anymore though.

“What did you do?” I asked, in reference to the Breach. Hoping against hope that in this version things were different.

Of course, he took my question to be about the mark, “I did nothing, the credit belongs to both of you. Whatever magic opened the Breach in the sky is also what placed those marks upon your hand. I had theorized the mark may be able to close the rifts that have opened in the Breach’s wake, though I was incorrect that only one would be necessary. It seems the power of the mark is split between you and only in combination do the marks possess enough power to seal the tears in the Veil.”

“Meaning they could also close the Breach itself?” Cassandra questioned with a hopeful look.

“Possibly.”

I hadn’t taken my eyes off him this entire time and I knew I was starting to unnerve him with my stare, but I couldn’t help it. I was comparing every detail I remembered against the very real person that stood before me. The speckling of freckles on his face, the scar on his forehead and the slight dimple in his chin. It was all there with the sort of tiny detail that could only be accomplished by reality. It was in his voice too, similar to how he sounded in game, but different. No longer just lines he was speaking, but real glimpses into the emotions he was feeling.

“Glad to hear it! I was starting to think we’d be up to our asses in demons forever,” a cheerful voice rang out, startling me. Turning to look behind me I saw another familiar face in the diminutive figure that approached us. “Varric Tethras: rogue, story teller, and occasionally an unwelcome tagalong . . .”

I caught sight of his infamous crossbow before he slung it across his back and sent a comical wink in Cassandra’s direction. She scowled in return.

“It’s good to meet you, Varric,” I replied, matching his friendly tone. Though my Inquisitor had befriended him in my playthrough I had never understood why so many people felt such a strong connection to him, but I supposed most of it came from playing the previous game he had been featured in. It would be nice to experience more of him,“Thank you for your help.”

“You may reconsider that stance in time,” Solas ventured with a teasing smile.

“Aww, I’m sure we’ll be great friends in the Valley, Solas.”

“Absolutely not,” Cassandra cut in sharply, “Your help is appreciated Varric, but . . .”

“Have you seen the valley lately, Seeker? Your soldiers are not in control anymore, you need all the help you can get.” He pointed out confidently, knowing she would not able to argue it.

There was a slight lull in conversation before another voice filled it,“if there are to be introductions then my name is Solas. I am pleased to see you still live.”

“What he really means is, ‘I kept those marks from killing you while you slept’” Varric chipped in, unable to resist being part of every conversation. .

“Thank-you,” I said mentally kicking myself for not coming up with anything better.

“Yeah, thanks,” Lavellan echoed. She was staring at her hand intently and I wondered if it was bothering her.

Before I could check, Cassandra spoke, “Solas is an apostate, well-versed in such matters.”

“Technically all mages are now apostates, Cassandra,” he responded, “my travels have allowed me to learn much about the Fade, far beyond the experience of any circle mage. I am here to offer whatever help I can give with the Breach. If it is not closed we are all doomed, regardless of origin or belief.”

I caught myself staring at him again. The way he stood slightly hunched, both hands gripping his staff, he looked almost subservient. It was no wonder Cassandra had come to trust him so quickly, with his raggedy clothing, demure posture, and humble facial features he appeared almost harmless. I knew the truth of him though. Knew he played the long game and knew far more than he let one. He would probably be the first to recognize that I did not belong here and as such I would need to be extra cautious around him in what I chose to reveal.

A difficulty considering that I could already feel butterflies in my stomach whenever he looked at me.

“That’s a very commendable attitude. I look forward to our cooperation in stopping this,” I pledged, hoping he would associate the rising flush on my cheeks and ears to the cold.

He said nothing in response, merely inclined his head, allowing Varric to be the next to speak, “So what are you two called?”

That was not a question I had been prepared to answer or even expected really considering our status here. Did I already have a name? I couldn’t remember the default one for the elf character though and even if I did, would it belong to me or the other prisoner?

“Cinder, you can call me Cinder,” Lavellan answered, barely missing a beat.

So default names may not be necessary or even true names at all considering how unreactive to hers they were. In that case, I would just go with the name of my Inquisitor.“I am called Nyx.”

Varric grinned, opening his arms in a friendly gesture, “Pleasure to meet you both. It’s always good to know who’s sharing the shithole.”

Solas seemed indifferent to my choice of name and the minor difficulty I had in producing it for he merely nodded his head before he turned to Cassandra, “You should know the magic involved here is unlike any I have seen. Your prisoners are mages, but I find it difficult to imagine even in combination that they could be this powerful.”

“Magic?” I exclaimed, stunned by this sudden revelation. I had just bent down to retrieve my daggers and I now looked at him, not bothering to hide the incredulous expression on my face. “We have magic? Are you sure?”

“You did not know? Though, that does explain your unusual methods in combat,” he said with a tilt of his head, “I suspect then that your power is newly emerged. An unusual feat this late in life, but not unheard of. It could have possibly been brought out when you received the marks.”

That very emergence could have triggered the explosion,” Cassandra spat, her hand moving to hover over the hilt of her sword.

“No,” Solas assured her quickly, “it is impossible that the amount of power required to cause that type of devastation would have been caused by the simple manifestation of magical talent. It is much more likely that the explosion triggered them. Tell me, are either of you able to use your powers?”

I stood up and sheathed my dagger before I closed my eyes, trying to focus and see if I felt magic at all. Not that I had any clue what I was trying to sense, but I was confident that if he asked me to cast something I wouldn’t even be able to produce a spark.

There was a buzzing around me though.“No, I can’t do anything. I can sense something from the mark though, it feels as if has power. Oh! I can feel it on Cinder too. And,” I opened my eyes to look at him confused, “you. But you don’t have the mark?”

“That’s because it’s not the mark that is emitting power. You are cognizant of the magic surrounding us.” He eyed Cinder then, “May I ask if you are able to sense the same?”

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, tensing her body as if expecting to be struck. When she opened her eyes again she almost looked disappointed, “I dunno? I can feel a humming sensation. It’s around the mark, Nyx, you, the Breach. It was around the demons too come to think of it. But everyone can feel that right?”

“On the contrary, it is hard for even most mages to be able to learn to sense the magic around them. It takes years of training and an open mind to the possibility. That you both have the ability naturally speaks well of your newfound talent.” He spoke with a disarming smile, turning it to Cassandra next, “It is fortunate indeed that their magical ability was awakened by the event. It seems the mark’s power is split between them and without their own magic to augment its power I doubt we would have seen the same results. In time, if their magic is developed properly they may be able to effect the rift on their own, but as it stands now both will be required to close them.”

“Understood,” She said in acceptance. “We must get to the forward camp quickly. This way, down the bank. The road ahead is blocked.”

She strode off, hopping over the barrier in a quick movement despite what her shield must weigh. Cinder followed and then Solas. Struck by the surreal feeling of it all, I hung back, still unsure on how this was all even happening.

A shadow crossed over mine and I looked next to me to see Varric grinning, “So… are you innocent?”

I glanced up at the Breach, “I believe so, but to be honest I don’t really remember.”

“That’ll get you every time. Should have spun a story. It’s more believable, and less prone to result in premature execution.”

I grimaced at that, my mind jumping ahead to the battles I would face. Any premature death I faced would probably be related to my lack of skills more than any explanation on my presence here.

“Hey, don’t worry. Bianca and I will see you through this,” the dwarf added with a reassuring smile before he moved off to follow the group.

I took one last look at the Breach before I hopped the barrier. His words had been comforting and I was beginning to see why so many people viewed him favorably. I knew he had my back at least.

Chapter Text

As we ran I returned to my mantra, focusing on just placing one foot before the other. The path appeared relatively clear, but the Breach was still open like an oozing sore and I knew demons would continue to emerge until we could close it.

The thought of closing it sent another wave of terror through me. I could barely handle facing a few demons and wraiths as it was and the final rift battle would encompass everything I’ve faced so far plus one of the more intimidating fade denizens stepping through. I was suddenly hyper-aware of the daggers slapping against my thighs and my incredible lack of experience in using them.

“Hey, everything ok?” Varric questioned with concern, “You look white as a chantry sister.”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said with a confident voice in my head, yet the words came out sounding like a choked-back sob. “I just wasn’t expecting to wake up to all this.”

“You and half of Thedas. I’ve seen my share of shitstorms, but this one takes the prize. I was going to invite Cassandra out to picnic today, but I have a feeling she’ll turn me down now that demons are raining from the sky.”

“Aww, I’m sorry the picnic idea didn’t work out Varric,” Cinder chimed in. “Maybe Nyx and I can provide some romantic lighting to an indoor dinner instead. As long as you don’t mind it being slightly green!”

“Hush. All. Of. You.” Cassandra enunciated with a formidable glower. She halted suddenly, pointing up ahead, “Demons, there.”

I looked down the river bank to where she was indicating and saw three demons and two wraiths milling effortlessly atop the frozen river.

“We can’t fight them there, the footing will be too slippery. Can we draw them up to the bank?” Cinder remarked to my surprise. There was a tension to her, but it bespoke excitement more than fear.

“Bianca’s got it,” Varric levered his crossbow forward and at the signal from Cassandra let a bolt loose. It attracted attention immediately and the group began moving towards us.

I edged towards the back and stood behind the range fighters. I desperately wanted to help, but I knew my current capabilities would do them no benefit. Acting on that urge would only place me in danger both from the enemy’s attacks and from my companions; I didn’t have the awareness necessary to avoid blows coming from both sides.

Cinder was less cautious than I, and once the wraiths had been vanquished rolled in close to help Cassandra engage the last demon.

The battle finished we edged ourselves carefully down the steep bank and onto the frozen surface of the river. Again, I found myself amazed by the realness of the world around me. Distracted by the unsettling detail of snow flaking off the branches I immediately slipped upon reaching the ice below and fell back almost knocking Solas over.

“Careful,” he commented, before offering his hand to help me up.

I took it, horrified to feel my ears getting hot again. He looked indifferent to it, but the feeling of my hand in his made me dizzy and I quickly averted my gaze hoping he hadn’t noticed anything. As soon as I stood I croaked out a thank you and waited until he moved off ahead before I tried my legs again.

We passed a few desolate buildings as we jogged and any signs of battle we saw was usually followed up with an encounter. I continued to remain behind and did not participate in the action until we reached the second rift.

Staying behind the range fighters was a less defined position as we tackled the rift creatures and I found myself on the move constantly. Cinder had strayed off with Varric and so I ended up trailing Solas, fending off the few demons that entered melee range. Knowing what I would need to do, Solas had maneuvered us so that as soon as the last enemy fell I could connect to the rift.

There was no guiding power this time, but I remembered what to do. There was resistance to my push again and I realized it was because only my mark was connected. I turned to yell at Cinder, wondering why she was always so slow on connecting to the rift, but then I felt her push on it as well. Seconds later the crystal cracked and vanished.

The way clear, we entered the forward camp gates.

*

The gates creaked closed behind me with a reassuring sound of finality. I had made it to forward camp. There was only a little ways to go before I would reach the final rift and hopefully wake up. Any thoughts past that I hadn’t permitted myself to consider.

Camp was chaotic and past the grateful guardsmen at the gate who had seen us close the rift, few people paid us any mind as we walked through. Most sat dejectedly on crates, boxes or carts, staring downwards into clasped hands. Despair and fear was everywhere. Haven was distanced from the Breach, but the people here had witnessed it firsthand. Knew the destruction the world was facing and though they fought doggedly on it was with less and less assurance that their life would make a difference. Lavellan must have seen it too, for I saw her stand straighter and begin cheerfully waving. I was embarrassed by it until I saw the soldiers react. Joshing each other they pointed at us and their faces brightened slightly. They must know why we were here. I couldn’t mimic her daring and draw attention directly to myself, but I could at least adopt her posture. Holding my head high, I rolled my shoulders back and straightened my spine. Taking a deep breath I relaxed the fear from my face until it was nothing but a tight ball hidden inside me.

I didn’t know if I could actually accomplish what they believed me capable of, but I could at least look the part.

Cassandra halted us before we stepped onto the bridge and pulled us aside to a small workbench. Opening the chest there she handed each of us a small red vial. It was cool to the touch. Lifting it up I peered through the clear red liquid and saw a distorted vision of Cassandra eying me strangely.

“Elfroot potion,” she explained and then tilted her vial back like a shot.

Warily I uncorked my own vial and after a light sniff emptied it with one large sip. It was interesting. I had expected it to taste medicinal, but it was rather minty with a slight spice I couldn’t quite place. Its effects were immediate and at once I felt all my fatigue melt away as if I had just awoken from a deep sleep completely refreshed.

This stuff was amazing.

“What’s it like?” Cinder’s low voice asked, startling me.

I shot her a questioning look and she indicated the she had pocketed hers.

“Like mint...and pepper,” I said grasping at the flavor names. “It works like a charm though. If this existed back home there would be no other energy drink in business.”

“I suggest taking as many as you can carry. There is no telling what we may face up ahead.” Cassandra’s stern voice cut across and we quickly bent down to fill our stocks. I shoved vials in every pocket I could, eager to be well prepared for the final battle.

We crossed over onto the bridge afterwards.

Leliana and a chantry man stood near a tented table at the far end and as we drew closer I could hear the man’s raised voice, “You have already caused enough trouble without resorting to this exercise in futility.”

“I have caused trouble?”

“You, Cassandra, the Most Holy- ah here they come.” The man adopted a dour expression at the sight of Lavellan and I.

Leliana in turn, looked relieved to have someone else here to talk to, “You made it! Chancellor Roderick, this is-”

“I know who they are. As Grand Chancellor of the Chantry I hereby order you to take these criminals to Val Royeux to face execution.”

“Excuse me?” Cinder sounded off indignantly, “Don’t you think we should deal with the giant hole in the sky before you haul off the only people that may be able to close it? I mean worst case, she and I die trying and you get the execution you wanted.”

“Close it? You were the ones who brought all this upon us in the first place!” He spat before ignoring her to turn pleadingly to Cassandra, “Call a retreat Seeker, our position here is hopeless.”

I stood listening silently to the ensuing debate. Even though I knew the outcome of it, it was uncomfortable to hear the real concern in the Chancellor’s voice. He truly believed we were destined to fail in this endeavor and glancing up at the Breach and was tempted to agree. It looked impossible to conquer by the power of our marks alone.

Just then the Breach swelled and my vision flashed white with pain. I dropped hard, a scream stuck in my throat, and tears swelling in my eyes again. The pain was unbelievable and unlike before the pulse lasted several seconds before fading. My mark sparked furiously even after the pain receded and my whole arm felt abuzz. There was no denying that these incidents were occurring with higher intensity the closer we drew to the source.

Nausea flooded my gut as I levered myself up.

Cassandra eyed me, but did not move to help and after some inner thought directed her words at Cinder, “How do you think we should proceed?’

“You’re asking me?” Cinder answered with immediate disbelief.

“You seem the least able to keep your opinions to yourself and seeing as how we cannot come to an agreement on our own I thought you may have something to offer. Afterall your survival is dependant upon our success.”

Glancing askew at Cinder I was surprised to find her wide-eyed look directed at me as if seeking my thoughts on the matter. In truth, I wasn’t sure what to say. I had only played the game in its entirety once and had chosen the mountain path because I had wanted to save the missing scouts. I supposed that would be my choice now as well if she asked. It was the only route I was familiar with and we would be able to save more lives.

“Mountains.” She said as if reading my mind.

Meeting her eyes and taking a deep breath, I echoed her with resolve.

It was all Cassandra needed for she quickly set the camp into motion, “Leliana. Bring everyone left in the valley. Everyone.”

With a nod, Leliana departed leaving us alone with the Chancellor. I hadn’t liked him much in the game, but seeing everything around me in such gritty detail I was understanding why he acted as he did. Hell, I could even relate to it; however, the difference between him and so many other people was that he let his fear control him and for that reason I could never respect the man.

So it was with head held high that I marched past him, indifferent to his opinion of me. It was probably the same reason why Cassandra could do the same, even as the Chancellor tried one last attempt to get a rise out of her.

“On your head be the consequences, Seeker.” He called to her retreating back.

Cassandra’s eyes stayed straight ahead and I suddenly felt heroic to be walking beside her. It was a fleeting feeling though, gone with the next cold wind as I looked upwards at the mountain path.

Chapter Text

In the game there was a small cutscene that showed the group walking up the mountainside. It was presented as a tough climb through thick snow and heavy winds and as such I had no delusions about the path we choose.

I thought at least.

The wind was frigid and constant. It bit harshly at my ears, tore at my nostrils, and whipped so fiercely at my face that tears formed. Even the heat I generated from the tough upwards climb did little to warm me against it. My exposed hands were white and frozen and I kept clenching and unclenching them to keep circulation there. My face was the worst of it though. For the first time in many years I regretted my short hairstyle for it left my neck and ears exposed. Everything stung. From the tips of my ears down to my toes.

Only my torso seemed able to retain any body heat, protected by the layered outfit I wore.

The ladders layering the steep mountain side were not a welcome sight. They looked thin and rickety and climbing them would press me flat against the snowy rockside. I would be suspended in air, buffeted by the wind and with nothing to catch me below if I fell.

“The tunnel should be just ahead. The path to the temple lies just be beyond it,” Cassandra said, being the first one to speak since we had started up the mountain.

“What manner of tunnel is this? A mine?”Solas asked pensively.

“Part of an old mining complex. These mountains are full of such paths.”

Cinder moved beside me and I turned to see her staring upwards in perplexion, “Are these the same ones that the old Disciples of Andraste used?”

“I think so,” Varric offered after some slight thought. “The tales about the Hero of Ferelden don’t all match up, but some claim that she used these tunnels to reach the temple and encountered some sort of cult. I think that was the name of them.”

“Strange to think we’ll be walking on that history. Do you think we’ll find the missing soldiers inside?”

“We shall see soon enough.” Cassandra stated and began to climb.

I was pretty sure I cracked ice off my knuckles getting my fingers closed around that first rung and it proved no easier by the second or third one. Upon clearing the second ladder in full, I rested on the plateau certain I could not go onward without risking a fall to my death. My hands were chillingly white and even pricking them I could feel nothing.

Climbing behind Solas had put some considerations into my mind though.

I remembered at some point in the future when we trekked a warmer climate he would make a comment about magic preventing sunburn. I noticed also that he seemed widely unaffected by the cold despite how thin his clothing looked and that he walked barefoot through the snow - seemingly in comfort. It reminded me that magic had more practical implications than the flashy offensive spells the game familiarized me with and I thought to ask him about it.

“Solas?”

“Hmm?” He turned.

“I was curious about the magical talent you mentioned that I might possess.” I waited for him to confirm that ability with a brief nod before I pressed on. “And if there was anyway I might use it to warm my hands. I fear I’ve almost lost complete motary function with them and I’m worried I’ll lose my grip on the ladder.”

He smiled, “I see. There is a spell that would be able to aid you but it is one of the more advanced techniques and requires a firm understanding of the physical properties you would like to manipulate. You would not be able to perform it at this time. I can however demonstrate its effects. ”

He placed a gentle hand on my shoulder and I felt warm breath of heat spread throughout my body, erasing the chill. I pondered my hand in amazement as the color flowed back in. A few test clenches and the stiffness was completely gone.

“Woah. How did you do that?” Cinder gasped, studying her hands in fascination.

He had not touched her as he did me, but it seemed she had received the effects; Varric and Cassandra as well for I could see the color returning in their faces. I regarded him curiously.

“I increased your blood circulation. It is a spell that should be used cautiously and only in moments when the body is not expected to perform any efforts that would increase circulation itself. Prolonged exertion could push your body past its limits.”

“Thank-you,” I murmured, milling over the various implications of magic that answer insinuated.

Before I could question him further, Cinder began hauling herself up the ladder with renewed enthusiasm and the rest of the group filed behind her. Clasping the rung myself, I smiled at how little I feared the climb now.

*

Moments later, I stood before the old mining tunnels that carved their way through the mountain top. I could see dim spots of light lining the interior, but otherwise it appeared unoccupied. I breathed a huge sigh of relief and followed the others inside.

It didn’t have the feel of stale air that most caves had though the overall wet feel was still present. Keeping the torches to our right we made quick progress through the underground passage. Due to the limited lighting and confined space I was worried more than ever about fighting, but luckily we made it through with no encounters.

As soon as we emerged from the cave I saw the strewn bodies. They lay a few feet away from the tunnel mouth and I quickly averted my eyes. Not all the corpses were in one piece and dark tales of their passing were left in large patches in the snow.

“Are these the missing soldiers?” I directed at Cassandra.

Her mouth was set in a grim line and I was worried our timing had been too late. After some deliberation she shook her head, “This cannot be all of them.”

I let out a large sigh of relief, “So maybe the rest are holed up ahead?”

“It’s possible, perhaps it is will not be too late to help them.”

“Our priority must be the Breach, we cannot spend time searching for them.” Solas warned. He looked imperial out here, unaffected by the weather or the bodies; as if he was apart from it all. His mask of humility slipping as he commanded us forward.

We took off again at a fast jog and it was not long before I felt the small tingling in my mark and bones that signified a rift. Indicating its direction, the group turned and we spotted the remaining soldiers engaged in a desperate battle beneath the tear.

As the rest of the group tore forward to help I hesitated, still unsure on where I would be most use: fighting and getting in the way or hanging back until the rift was ready to be closed. Cinder had charged in ahead with the others and was deeply engaged in combat, but I didn’t quite think I had her knack for melee fighting. Staring at the rift gave me an idea though and lifting my hand up I cautiously began to push on it.

This was the first time I had tried to connect to a rift that was still active and not cleared for closure and it felt drastically different. It was as if the demons came through with a tether line that connected them to the rift and while those lines were present it was too much to push back into the Fade; I could however, gather up and push on all those tethers. I quickly learned that I could disrupt the rift by pushing back on the lines until they strained almost as if ready to snap so that when I broke the connection they would spring forward and the resulting release of potential energy would hit the demons and cause them to become stunned for a brief period of time.

The only difficulty with this was that any new demons that emerged from the rift after the present tethers had been gathered would not be affected and would move freely about the battlefield. Still, while there did not seem to be waves of demons as in the game, the spirits that came through usually did so in clumps and the disruption could be easily timed.

When the field was finally clear, Cinder was quick this time in aiding me close the rift.

As Cassandra went to greet the survivors, Solas approached me, “One more sealed, you are becoming quite proficient at this.”

“Let’s hope it works just as well on the big one,” Varric added, looking up to where the rift had been moments before.

My gut clenched at that thought and I moved away from them, towards the lieutenant, who glanced at me as I approached, “The prisoners? Then you . . .?”

“Are glad to see you safe,” I said sincerely.

Cinder shifted next to me and moments later offered a few elfroot vials to the wounded crew, but the lieutenant politely rejected her, “No, you will need them more. Thank you for everything you have done already.”

“The way into the valley behind us is clear for the moment. Go, while you still can.” Cassandra issued, clasping hands with the lieutenant one final time.

The woman nodded and after accepting aid from one of her scouts hobbled off back towards the tunnel entrance. The rest of her crew followed, their spirits much less subdued than when we found them.

It was a moment of peace. A rift closed and the scouts saved. Only one last task remained ahead of me. I looked upwards at the Breach.

“The path ahead appears to be clear of demons as well.” Solas said. He stood calmly, hands around his staff as he eyed Cassandra. His wore his humble mask again.

I swallowed and moved my gaze from the Breach to my mark. It was still so strange to see it there. A small gash nestled in the folds of my palm. Would it be enough to stop the Breach from growing?

I squared my shoulders and pushed on. This task would be the last thing I do here. The Breach was where it had all began and I felt sure that returning to the magic focused there would end this. The results of closing the first rift would be enough of a shock to wake me. It was my last chance to know for sure that this has all been a dream.

If I woke up still here afterwards...well, there was a bigger issue to concentrate on right now.

*

When I was a young girl there had been a gigantic field behind my parent’s house. Every spring into summer it was a forest of wildflowers, all color and beauty and life. One year it was completely cleared to make room for a new housing development, but the construction firm lost funding and nothing ended up happening. It just sat there. A large dirt field that turned muddy when it rained. I felt the field’s loss keenly as girl.

It was how I felt standing at the Temple of Sacred Ashes now. Everything of beauty and life had completely obliterated. There was nothing but dirt and ashes remaining now, and a few crumbling structures that had once been part of the temple.

“The Temple of Sacred Ashes or what’s left of it anyway.” Varric commented. His voice carried across the emptiness breaking the silence.

A few paces later, Cassandra indicated a scorched rock face, “That is where you both walked out of the Fade, and where our soldiers found the two of you. They say a woman was behind you, but no one knows who she was.”

I glanced at Cinder, wondering if she recalled any of that, but her returning look announced her as clueless as I was about what actually happened. I held hope that we would find more answers by the rift.

Cassandra guided our group down into one of the remaining structures and we soon came to a balcony of sorts that overlooked the site of the explosion. Between the Breach above and the rift below there was a high concentration of energy here, the resulting hum making me shudder. I felt touched everywhere.

“The Breach is a long way up,” Varric observed and I followed his gaze.

Just then, Leliana arrived, “You made it, thank the Maker!”

“Leliana,” Cassandra greeted, relaxing at the sight of her, “Have your men take up positions around the temple.”

Leliana nodded and then turned to direct her men.

Cassandra faced us,“This is your chance to end this, are you ready?

“Ready as we’ll ever be,” Cinder quipped with a sideways smile. “Just let me know your plan on how to get us up there.”

“We don’t need to go up, but down,” I blurted out looking at her in confusion. As everyone’s eyes turned towards me though, I suddenly realized my mistake, “Errr, I mean this rift is the first so I think we need to seal it before the Breach.”

I looked at Solas to see if he was regarding me suspiciously, but he only seemed pleasantly surprised, “Yes, I do believe that is correct. Perhaps sealing this rift will even seal the Breach.”

“Then let’s find a way down” Cassandra said. “Be careful.”

Taking a deep breath to steady my nerves I followed her down the rough path. The Breach was ever present overhead, but sometimes we lost sight of the rift as we navigated behind the larger bits of debris in our way. The explosion had not created a straightforward route down and we were made to slide at some parts and climb at others.

I was so focused on maneuvering my way to the bottom safely that I had completely forgotten about the voices and the first echo caught me so off guard I slipped and Leliana had to catch me.

“What are we hearing?” Cassandra asked looking around for the source.

“At a guess: the person who created the Breach,” Solas ventured in response.

I knew exactly who that was and what he represented. To have to face him...no, after this it would not be my responsibility. I grit my teeth and pushed on, even as the next voice played, wild fear and desperation apparent in the Divine’s echoing pleas.

“What’s going on here?” Cinder’s voice cried out.

My head snapped up towards the rift to see what had startled her and it took a few moments before I realized that she had not actually spoken. I turned to find her staring at me with concern. It had been an echo of her voice. Only hers. I looked down, watching my feet move. What did that mean? Had I not been present at the time of the explosion? Why did I have the mark then?

The first voice thundered out again and the echoing voices replayed in order.

There was another voice there too though, one that was singing; of a sorts. It was low, chilling, and incomprehensible, but I could feel the intent was a song.

I did not know for sure where it came from until we had nearly reached the bottom and I saw the jutting clumps of red lyrium in the mountain side. I shuddered then to know it was inside my head. Clutching myself I stared stubbornly at my feet, refusing to look at the crystal further, afraid to see hearts beating inside for I knew without doubt it was alive.

“You know this is red lyrium, Seeker? What’s it doing here?” Varric hissed and I could hear the recoil in his voice.

“The magic used here could have drawn on lyrium beneath the temple and corrupted it,” Solas provided.

I wondered if either of them heard the song.

Where was my anchor? Cinder. Hair. Red. One foot, then another. Take the fear and squish it. Roll it into a ball of yarn and hold on only to a thread of it. That thread of fear can be an extra push, but the mind must be free and calm to use it.

My stomach tightened, but my head felt clearer now.

We had made it to the bottom. As we moved away from the red lyrium, the song disappeared and was replaced by the buzzing energy of the rift. My mark sparked and as if in answer a shadowy figure materialized before the rift, “Keep the sacrifice still.”

The vision shifted and I saw a chantry woman bound and suspended in the air. She was the late Divine. She called for help again and then the door behind her opened, “What’s going on here?”

It was Cinder’s voice and Cinder’s face, but she was not alone. I stood behind her in the vision, my face distorted in horror.

As it jumped back to the shadow form of Corypheus I stopped paying attention, my hand moving back to trace my ear. It was still elven. I moved to my face next, trying to see if I could feel the markings that had been shown there, but nothing stood out.

“You were there!” Cassandra said in surprise, turning to grab Cinder. “Who attacked? The Divine, is she . . .? Was this vision true? What are we seeing?

"Echoes of what happened here. The Fade bleeds into this place.” Solas said and Cassandra released Cinder to turn towards him. "This rift is not sealed, but it is closed, albeit temporarily. I believe that with the marks the rift can be reopened and then sealed properly and safely. However, opening the rift will likely attract attention from the other side."

“That means demons.” The Seeker acknowledged before turning to confer with Leliana.

A plan was set and everyone positioned moments later. Cinder and I would not be responsible for fighting, rather our duties were to try to continuously disrupt the rift and keep out of trouble. As soon as the field was clear we both would need to be ready to close.

“Stand ready!” Cassandra shouted and then indicated the operation should begin.

Bracing myself I shot my power upwards at the rift. Pushing at it did nothing so I tried pulling and instantly felt it begin to give way; its energy flowing out and into me. I felt too, the accidental tethers I had grabbed and soon a few demons materialized on the battlefield. Cutting the connection, Cinder and I re-positioned ourselves and then attempted to disrupt.

The battle was going relatively well until the Pride demon came through.

I was in the middle of a disruption when I felt its tether form, stronger and thicker than the others in my grasp. I tore at them, stunning the field as the larger demon materialized. And it was large. 15 ft tall and thickly armored. The whole battlefield had frozen, everyone’s eyes focused on the demon, too afraid to move lest it notice them first.

It was Cinder who started it up again.

With a roar she connected to the rift, the brilliant green tether lighting up the field and everything was action once more. Cassandra rushed to engage the beast and soon the battle fell into a strange rhythm. The pride demon would attack, we would dodge and resume offense. Cinder and I would alternate disrupting the rifts, the other one aiding our escort of soldiers against the smaller demons that continued to emerge.

It was terrifying and simplicit. I am not sure if the battle lasted for hours or minutes, but by the end I only had a few elfroot potions remaining and was sweaty and tired.

The last demon on the field vanished and Cassandra turned her bloodied face towards us and cried out,“Now! Seal it!”

I needed no further encouragement. Using the anchor I pushed on the rift with every ounce of strength I had. It resisted. Pulled at me even as I pushed so I gave more. Focusing my energy there until my arm shook with effort and my knees felt as if they may buckle. With a final shout I gave it one final, desperate push and I felt it finally waver and then collapse.

I heard the snap of our success and then knew nothing more.

Chapter Text

A white rotunda sat on a cliff overlooking the sea. The wind whistled through it as I stood inside looking over its white rails at a black city in the distance. Spires of dark smoke rose from the city as if it burned from the inside and the Breach swirled ominously above it, bolts of lightning flashing across the sky.

Turning away to look behind me I saw a trail of shattered glass.

A flapping of wings and I turned again to see a red hawk perched upon the rotunda’s rails, its dark eyes studying me. Tilting its head once, twice, it opened its wings and called to me.

Wake up!

*

I lay on something soft and warm - a bed. Familiar. There was the comforting weight of a blanket ontop of me and I nestled deeper into the mattress, content. I was home. Everything had all been a dream and for a few moments I lay there, half-awake and re-imagining the dream in its entirety. It wasn’t as clear now to me, but it was a lot less frightening.

Slowly, I became fully awake with no hopes of reclaiming sleep. My mouth felt parched and dry and there was a slimey feel to my teeth that usually occurred after I forgot to brush the night before. I needed water. Usually, I kept some on the nightstand next to my bed and so I opened my eyes to reach for it and then promptly forgot about my thirst.

I was not at home.

I was in a small cabin with a lit fire in its hearth, several candles, and a table in the far corner. At that table sat the very familiar figure of Cinder, bright hair cascading down her back. She appeared to be hunching over something that had her complete focus. I closed my eyes again, not ready to have her aware that I’d awakened. I wanted a few minutes more with my thoughts.

Was this an Inception dream? Swordart online? .Hack? Some VR experiment gone wrong and now I was trapped in a coma or had I just straight up gone insane and I was hallucinating it all?

Any of those ideas could lend credence to why it felt real, though real was starting to become harder and harder for me to define. There was one place to start though. The thirst was real. Opening my eyes I sat up. For having survived a battle with a pride demon and then closing a ginormous rift I was surprised with how good I felt. There was no wooziness or ache to me and other than a slight tingle my marked hand felt perfectly normal.

I looked up to see Cinder smiling at me impishly. “Congrats! We’re still here. How are you feeling?”

Good suddenly felt too simple. I was fine, but confused; unhurt, but overwhelmed. So great physically, bad mentally. Better to just move on from that question. “We’re still in Thedas?”

She nodded.

“Back in Haven then,” I surmised. The cabin was smaller than it had been depicted in the game. “Do you know how long we have been out?”

Turning slightly she indicated a stack of paperwork behind her. “Three whole days according to this.”

“Three whole days?!” She nodded again. I sighed heavily, my mind racing. “I thought I was dreaming, but to dream within a dream constantly...I don’t know what to make of this. The Breach has been stabilized then?” Another nod. “At least that worked out to script. I guess now we should go see Cassandra since we’re awake. How long have you been up?”

“I dunno. Hard to know time here. 30 minutes maybe.”

“The timing really is off here,” I mused, “in the game there was an elven girl-”

The very girl I spoke of strode in at that moment, her easy posture stiffening as soon as she saw us. “Oh! I didn’t know you were awake, I swear!”

“It’s fine, please!” I said in a rush to soothe her. “You’re not disturbing us.”

She dropped to her knees suddenly, the basket she carried spilling onto its side as she prostrated herself before us. “I beg your forgiveness and your blessing. I am, but a humble servant.”

I looked at Cinder helplessly, unnerved by the girl’s behavior, but she only shrugged to indicate she was just as clueless as I was about it. The elven girl continued to speak from that position. “You’re back in Haven my ladies. They say you saved us. The Breach stopped growing just like the marks on your hands. It’s all anyone has talked about for the past three days!”

“Then it...worked?” I asked, glancing at my hand.

Her eyes darted upwards quickly and then dropped back to the floor when she caught my eye. “I’m only saying what I heard. I don’t mean anything by it. I’m sure Lady Cassandra will want to know you’ve both awakened. She said ‘at once!’”

“Are we to wait here for her then?”

“No, m’lady. She request that you come to the Chantry as soon as you are well. I am to report ‘at once’ she said. ‘At once!’” And then with a few quick bows she was up and gone. Her basket left behind on our floor.

Cinder who had remained still through the entire transaction was suddenly on her feet and rummaging through the goods. “Look, Nyx! Food and water. Fresh clothes, washclothes, and oooo a comb as well. It’s like Christmas. Do you celebrate Christmas?”

Her joy was catching and I found myself smiling as I helped myself to the offered food and water. We spoke little as we ate, mostly just covering the basics of what we expected to happen when we sought Cassandra out.

Cinder set right to washing after we had finished eating. Her clothes coming off with no reservations other than a complaint about the cold water she used from the cask before she sat naked before the fire, scrubbing herself. I found it awkward at first until I reminded myself that I would probably have even less privacy than this going forward. If I was sent into the field at all I would be bathing in streams and rivers with no walls to hide behind. Sighing I took a seat next to her and began my own process.

After we washed we dressed and then came the matter of the bathroom. We had one chamber pot and no walls to separate it from the rest of the room. Allowing me to use it first, Cinder left to wait outside.

It was strange and uncomfortable to use, but again I reminded myself that it was better than anything I would find out on the field. Business done, I ran one last hand through my hair, hoping I looked presentable and then exited the cabin. My hand was still on the knob when I spotted the crowd that had gathered. “Thanks for waiting. It’s your...Oh.”

“Yeah, I didn’t expect this either, but I’m not going back inside the cabin now so let’s just go,” Cinder said, scratching at her ear. “The other great news is that we’re no longer considered prisoners. Now we’re the pronounced Heralds of Andraste.”

I nodded, stunned by the amount of eyes on me. Swallowing thickly I found my voice. “Crap. I was dreading this. I don’t think it’s entirely right that we go along with it given that we don’t have any actual faith or perhaps even reliable knowledge about this world’s religion.”

We set off down the path laid out for us, walking so close together our shoulders almost touched. A few curious hands found our clothing and fingers as we threaded through the crowd, small whispers of praise and awe overheard. There was genuine adoration and hope in each set of eyes I met and that unnerved me almost as much as the hate had. I stopped trying to look everywhere at once and focused on my destination.

It was a large relief to enter into the Chantry and hear the heavy doors close behind us.

Once inside, one of the chantry sisters pointed us down the middle hallway and there was no need to question which door we needed to enter for the raised voice of Chancellor Roderick was heard long before we were near. I meant to hang back and see what would be said in regards to us, but Cinder opened the door as soon as she reached it and strode in.

It left me little choice, but to follow.

The room was well-sized with a large table set in the middle of it. A few torch sconces along the wall lit the area and cast dramatic shadows across the gathered people’s faces. Cinder and I stood across from Cassandra and Leliana, the Chancellor to our immediate left. The meeting began exactly as it did in the game, with the blustering Chancellor against the authoritative Seeker.

I took comfort in the scene’s familiarity even finding my voice to speak when my turn came, “We are still suspects then. Ever after what we just did?”

“You absolutely are,” The Chancellor spat as he stepped back from Cassandra who had gotten in his face moments before.

“No, they are not,” Cassandra stated.

“Someone was behind the explosion at the Conclave,”Leliana said, her movement reminding us of her presence. It was amazing how well she was able to fade into a background. “Someone most Holy did not expect. Perhaps they died with the others - or have allies who yet live.”

The Chancellor was taken aback, “I am a suspect?”

“You, and many others.” The spymaster affirmed.

“But not the prisoners. You believe their survival, that thing on their hand - all a coincidence?”

Cassandra took a deep breath, “Providence. The Maker sent them to us in our darkest hour.”

“You really think we were chosen?” I asked, staring aghast at her.

Her hands came up to play nervously in front of her. “We lost everything… then, out of nowhere, you came. The Maker does as He wills. It is not for me to say.” Her hands dropped then, her fierceness returning. “I will not, however, pretend you were not exactly what we needed when we needed it. We must try again though, the Breach remains.”

“This is not for you to decide,” Roderick said drawing himself up.

Cassandra glowered at him before turning away. She returned momentarily with a thick book in her hands which she slammed down on the table. “You know what this is, Chancellor? A writ from the Divine, granting us authority to act. As of this moment, I declare the Inquisition reborn.”

Roderick opened his mouth to argue, but Cassandra launched herself at him; driving him back up against the wall with her finger in his chest. “We will close the Breach, we will find those responsible, and we will restore order with or without your approval.”

Cornered, overruled, and dismissed the Chancellor wilted before the Seeker and beat a hasty retreat from the room. Left alone, we returned to the heavy book on the table.

I remained silent as the Inquisition and its purpose were explained to us. I already knew it was something I wanted to be a part of, but Cinder encouraged elaboration on the finer details. She asked what rights had been granted to the organization, where they expected resistance and support, who they were considering for key positions and what those were, and if we would be presented more as a military force or a political one.

The woman were forthright with their answers, open and supportive with information. The Inquisition had been prepped to emerge in lieu of Conclave and therefore most of the recruitment had already been managed. We could expect to meet the other key members within the week. The one open spot they had remaining was the Inquisitor, though Leliana hinted at Cassandra assuming the role.

When Cinder pressed them on the expectations they had for myself and her they were genuine, but ambiguous. The massive book on the table outlined a great many things, but not how two Dalish elves with strange markings and the needed ability to close rifts would be handled.

“Please help us fix this before it is too late,” Cassandra said finally, offering us the moment to decide.

I met her eyes, grave and determined and though I had formulated my answer long before she asked her question I knew it full certainty. No matter the doubts I harbored on my ability to succeed or meet their expectations I at least owed it to them to try. These people felt more alive and real than anyone did back in my world and despite the fear I felt more at home here than ever. Whether this was truly my new world or not I would give everything I had to protect it.

Smiling, I took Cassandra’s hand, “I don’t accept that we were ‘chosen’ in any regard, but I want to do my part in helping to restore stability. If we are needed as showpieces I will play that role, though I hope our function will extend beyond that.”

Her hand tightened on mine and we shook.

It was done.

I was part of the Inquisition.

Now that I had committed to this world I expected it to vanish. To leave me half-awake and stunned back on earth in my own bed with every fine detail stripped from my mind so that I only had a hollow recollection of it all; but it didn’t of course.

*

I watched Cassandra and Cinder shake. The fine wheels of fate turning forward.

“I know I’ve probably been enough trouble as it is, but if I’m to be of any help then I have a couple of requests,” Cinder said as she dropped Cassandra’s hand.

“What kind of requests?” Leliana answered.

“Oh you know, silk sheets, candied grapes, a dozen handsome man-servants. I’m kidding of course!” She added in response to Cassandra’s deepening scowl. “We do need training though. You saw how unskilled we both were out there and neither of us want to always be a risk. We’re most likely going to have to face demons at every rift and there is no possible way to keep both of us out of danger every time so we might as well learn how to handle it.”

“That can be easily arranged. We have a few mages from the Circle that I am sure could be convinced to train you.”

I balked at that idea. Cinder and I had already discussed the possibility and had both decided there was only one person we felt comfortable handling our schooling. We would approach him first before accepting any other help.

“Thank you, but we were actually thinking of approaching Solas for our training,” I said, leaning on the table for support. “He was the first to notice our newly developed abilities and there is no certainty on the amount of talent we even possess. The possibility exists that he may have even been mistaken.”

I could tell that Cassandra disapproved of our decision to seek training outside the Circle, but she accepted it graciously enough, “I see. Do as you see fit then. Is there anything else?”

“Yeah, history lessons. We’d love to learn more about the previous Inquisitions formed as well as the general history of Thedas,” Cinder said with a smile. “I’m sure you can imagine that our Dalish history lessons were particularly one-sided. As most history lessons are.”

“If you have no one set in mind for this, I have an individual in mind that I believe would be well equipped to handle these lessons,” Leliana responded with a glimmer of amusement. Cinder and I had no particular person in mind so Leliana continued, “very well. I will notify her of your request and will arrange lessons as early as possible.”

“Thanks. Would this person also be interested in providing us lessons on religion, factions, and etiquette?”

“I do not think she would be opposed.”

“Religion,” Cassandra repeated. “Why would you be interested in learning religion? I thought the Dalish had their own practices.”

“We do,” Cinder affirmed, “but that doesn’t give us the right to remain ignorant to others. The Chantry will be one of the Inquisition’s biggest denouncers and I hardly think it does any credit to our Herald title if we know next to nothing about the religion of the very woman they have set us up to represent.”

“If there is no objection, I would be happy to speak about the Chantry,” Cassandra said and then after we accepted her offer, “we can arrange to meet sometime later in the week.”

“Perfect. We were also interested in seeing how we could best help the Inquisition grow. Do you need help gathering supplies? Treating injuries?”

“I suspect you will both be very busy between your training and lessons,” Leliana said regarding us thoughtfully, “but if you do wish to help, Threnn would be the best to speak to regarding these matters. She will be the Inquisition’s Quartermaster and has an office down the Chantry’s left hall.”

Cassandra and Leliana both looked at us expectantly.

I knew we were probably wearing their patience thin, but Cinder and I had wanted to make sure we addressed all the issues that we would face in our early days here. We would be much better acclimated once we knew our information from the game was reliable and that we were aware of everything considered to be general knowledge, but until then we would be reliant on the instruction of others. We had no connections here and no funds either, which was the last concern we wanted to bring to their attention. I just wasn’t sure how.

“We also had a question about acquiring a few amenities,” I started, wondering how to phrase the issue tactfully.

“We don’t have any money,” Cinder finished bluntly, “so we wanted to know how we could get food on the regular? Also something with which to clean our teeth?

Leliana looked abashed and quickly apologized before explaining that we would have food and amenities delivered for the time being, but would eventually be allotted a personal spending amount as well. There was one thing that she said that had stuck out to me though and made me feel a twinge of unease.

“Cabins?” I asked, pressing for more information.

Usually I hated to share space with others and much preferred solitary living quarters, but for some reason I found myself reluctant to leave Cinder just yet. I was sure we would be spending plenty of time together due to all the lessons; however there would be little time together and alone which would make discussing future plans troublesome.

“Yes, as key members of the Inquisition you have both been allotted two cabins to be used as you desire,” Leliana replied, folding her hands behind her back.

I met Cinder’s eyes, a little awed by how quickly we had learned to communicate non-verbally with each other, and then placing my hands on the table turned back to Leliana, “Thank you, but I’m sure the other cabin can be put to better use especially as the Inquisition grows. Cinder and I have no reservations with continuing to share space with each other.”

That settled and done and with no further questions needing to be asked, Cinder and I were led from the room by Cassandra. She proceeded to give us a detailed tour of Haven, starting at the Chantry and then guiding us through each tier.

The Chantry rested at the very top of Haven. Immediately below was a multitude of housing, including Cinder’s and mine. Varric and Solas had cabins here as well. The next tier down housed many of the merchant shops, civilian houses, and the tavern. Below that was the a more open area that housed the stables and armory and then beyond the gates were the training grounds for the soldiers. She pointed out that she could usually be found there if we ever needed to speak with her.

She left us at the cabin and I waited a few moments longer in the cold to allow Cinder the use of the chamber pot.

“All good! Don’t wrinkle your nose like that! I did nothing that smells,” Cinder exclaimed as she let me into our new cabin.

I was happy to see that inside that there was a bit more to the space and the chamber pot area had its own walls. There was only one bed still, but the room had a larger table, two bookshelves, and even a bathtub placed across from the chamber room. It felt warm and homely.

Cinder bounded over to the table to pour over some of the new goods that had been delivered, making pleased sounds with each thing she discovered.

Her delight seemed simplicit and I wished I could know her joy, but my head felt heavy. Too much had happened in too short a time and I couldn’t even begin to wrap my thoughts around it all. I took a seat before the fire suddenly exhausted.

She joined me moments later, sliding a plate of food over to me with a big smile. She looked at ease; relaxed in her existence here, but I was a jumble of nerves and ideas.

“What are your thoughts on everything that has happened so far?” I asked, trying to discern the answer to her relaxed attitude, but before she could even answer everything I had bottled up just came rushing out. “I can’t help but feel overwhelmed by everything that’s occurred. They’re depending on us to close the Breach, to sort out the mages and templars, to save all of Thedas.”

I sighed heavily. “This all seems impossible. I’ve already decided to treat this situation as I would if it was real, but I still harbor doubts about that. I mean maybe I’ve gone insane and I’ve been stuck in a mental facility or maybe it’s some sort of dream study or big brother experiment. Whatever has actually happened I know I need to make the best of it. I want to help these people and the one thing I’m certain about is that there are no save points here, no re-dos which means whatever choices you and I make will be permanent. We need to really know how the world will be affected by them beyond what the game just showed us. We’re going to have act in a way that will ensure our survival here. Receiving magical training is a good first step, but we’re also going to need to learn as much as we can about this world. There is no guarantee that the knowledge we’ve brought with us will be reliable. It’s best to read up on the history for ourselves and talk to as many people as possible here. That way we can also make the best-informed decisions going forward.”

“And what should we do about him,” I asked rhetorically, hanging my head into my hands. “Should we reveal him now? Wait? Can we convince him otherwise even? There’s the fate of Haven too, more people flocking in everyday and we both know the end result of that. What can we do to prevent it. Then we have the mages and templars to sort out, the new Divine, and all the personal quests...We have all this foreknowledge, but I know every bit we reveal will create an alterable future. The more we tell the less we’ll know in the long run,” I gave another heavy sigh. “On that matter I stand firm that we shouldn’t reveal what we know. At the very least not until we’re sure that it will absolutely occur in the exact manner we know it to and even then only on the basis that our warning will save lives.

Cinder, who had remained obligingly quiet for my monologue finally spoke,“I agree. Best to keep our cards to ourselves as the saying goes. The last thing we want to do is throw ourselves any curve balls. Speaking of which, what should we say regarding our backgrounds?”

The normal elf inquisitor belonged to clan Lavellan, but I wasn’t entirely sure that Cinder and I could claim the same ties. I didn’t want to name them family and then have Leliana track them down only to discover they knew nothing of us Nor did I feel comfortable claiming an imaginary clan either. I chewed my lip in thought.

“It would be best to remain as evasive as possible,” I said slowly. “Maybe we can claim memory loss even past the conclave?”

“That could work,” she smiled and then with a stretch laid flat out on the floor. “They probably don’t know much about how memory loss actually works. We could remember vague things, like a face or event, but not remember exact names or places. That way we could offer snippets of information about ourselves to gain trust, but not have to commit to any clan or location until we know for certain.”

I nodded.

That sounded easy enough to do and wouldn’t require any outright lies on my part as I could always modify events I actually experienced on Earth to fit here. I could use my family module, my feelings towards my hometown, and the way I was treated by others to create a backstory for myself here. It shouldn’t matter too much that I was vague, they accepted Solas with little information on his background as well. Though, he did have the advantage of actually being from here.

“We’re from another world,” I said aloud and to no one in particular. “Dragon Age is just a game, but here we are.” I glanced back at Cinder who was eyeing me curiously. “Where were you living before you woke up here? Is Cinder really your name?”

She laughed, “oh gosh, no. Cinder is a nickname! My real name is Audrey. I’ve been living in San Fran, but life back home was dull compared to this. I wonder if the people back home miss me at all. My parents travel a lot so I rarely saw them and I have two older sisters but we were never close. They are both married and have families of their own. What about you? What’s your deal?”

“Audrey is such a pretty name,” I mused. “My real name was so normal. I hated it, so I’m glad I changed it here. As for where I’m from...Jackson, Virginia. It’s a small town with small people if you can imagine. Not many new thoughts came through there. My parents are divorced and I have one younger sibling, but they all live in different areas so I rent a room with a few other people.”

I shrugged, suddenly not feeling talkative any longer.

Life in Jackson had not been difficult, but it had been sour and in truth it was partly why I found myself to be almost wholly unbothered by the possibility that I may never return home. Really, I just wanted to know why or how I came to be in Thedas. There were many other things that I wanted to know too, but I let my mind clear as I enjoyed my dinner. The meal was a platter of cheese, fruit, some kind of sweet sausage, and a brown bread. For being so simple it was surprisingly savory. .

After we ate we fell back into further discussion about our future here.

Talking helped clear my mind and Audrey (as I now knew her) seemed content to listen, even allowing me the final say on what we should do in most of the scenarios I presented. Mostly, we talked about smaller issues, but on the three largest we concluded to wait on the matter of evacuating Haven, would not turn Solas in and try to persuade him against his final plans, and would both act with utter caution in pursuing any closer relations with the people here; though that was discussed more for my sake than hers. As far as I could tell she had no strong feelings for anyone here and felt she would only really be tempted by Hawke. I, on the other hand was already combating butterflies everytime I was even near Solas.

She got quieter and quieter as I talked and eventually I realized I was mostly just musing to myself. It came as little surprise when she grabbed her cloak and announced that she was going out.

“Are you sure that’s wise?” I asked in caution. Though most of Haven may view us at the Heralds, there were still more than enough who did not.

“I can’t sit here stuck in my own head any longer, I’ve got to do something.” She smiled carelessly. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep a low profile. Just going to get a better feel for Haven, talk to a few merchants, maybe borrow some books we can read.”

Red hair flew back with the door and then it was silent save for the small sounds of feet trudging off in the snow.

I was alone for the first time in this world.

Chapter Text

The cabin felt eerily quiet with Audrey’s departure and it took me a moment to realize that it wasn’t really due to a lack of sound, but lack of presence. I could sense Audrey, as I could sense the Breach, and the mark on my hand which I looked down at. It was buzzing slightly, but I was just beginning to notice the differences in how my mark felt and how Audrey felt. It wasn’t yet describable, but it was there.

I wondered too if I could sense him.

Cassandra had pointed out his cabin earlier on the tour and though I had taken note of its location I wasn’t entirely certain which one of the three clustered there it was. Before I could think more of it though, I too grabbed my cloak and headed out into the cold.

My feet automatically turned in the direction of his cabin as if following some invisible cookie crumb trail and it was not long before I saw him silhouetted by the setting sun. He stood outside the cabins dressed in his usual light clothing and seemed unbothered by the chill of the wind. He had a feel him to as well, like Audrey did; again indescribable, but noticeable.

I pulled my cloak about me tighter, suddenly unsure about approaching him. It was too late for indecision though as he had noticed me.

“Ah, the Chosen of Andraste, the blessed hero sent to save us all.”

I smiled at the familiar line and spoke my words accordingly. "And am I riding in on a shining steed? Or perhaps a griffon?"

"A griffon would be my suggestion, but sadly they are extinct,” he said with a polite return of my smile.

“Joke as you will, posturing is necessary. I've journeyed deep into the fade in ancient ruins and battlefields to see the dreams of lost civilizations. I've watched as hosts of spirits clash to reenact the bloody past in ancient wars both famous and forgotten. Every great war has its heroes, I'm just curious what kind you'll be."

I knew I was staring again, mesmerized by his voice and the delicate changes his face made when he spoke and I forced myself to look down at my feet. Again, I prayed he would attribute my rising blush to the cold.

“There’s only one type I’m going to allow myself to be. I want to be a hero of the people, someone to look to for hope in the times to come and I know that might sound big-headed and I admit I have a long road ahead of me, but I want to create a world with less prejudice and fear. Not for any reasons of fame and glory, but because it’s needed. Nobody should be looked at less than somebody else. I know many will denounce me along the way, claiming that I don’t know what I’m doing or that I’m being too idealistic, but how is equality and a basic standard of life being too unrealistic!” I looked at him again. “Sorry, that was more than you asked for.”

“And everything I could have,” he replied with a light smile. “Tell me, what will be your first steps towards creating this world you envision?”

I hesitated, wanting to answer perfectly. “I suppose I would start with expanding my own vision of this world. I need to learn more beyond what I’ve already been taught if I’m to truly understand how to best bring about the change I hope for.”

“If you are sincere in that wish I will gladly aid you in anyway.”

“I mean I certainly don’t want to impose if you’re busy but ah-,” I said nervously, locking my hands in front of me to keep them from fidgeting. “That’s actually the reason I sought you out tonight. On the mountain you said that I had magical ability and well, now that everything has calmed down somewhat I was curious to see if you still sensed it in me?”

“I was not mistaken then and I am not mistaken now.” His face implied annoyance, but there was nothing in his tone or voice to indicate it. “You are still able to feel the breach, correct?”

I nodded. “And I can sense you.”

“As I said before it is an ability most mages in this time struggle to learn, but it seems you and your companion have found a natural talent for it. I know past experiences may have convinced you that magic will appear in a flashier way such as fire or ice, but this quieter emergence has me even more certain of your talents even if I could not sense it in you as well.c.”

“Am I sensing more than magic?”

He looked at me curiously. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you and Audrey, er Cinder, you feel different from each other. I’m not quite sure how to describe it, but it’s there. And then there was…” I paused, not confident I should reveal what I had heard at the Breach. He looked away and did not prompt me, allowing silence to fill the space there until I was ready to share. I took a deep breath. “There was the song at the Temple. I think it came from the red lyrium.”

“You were aware of that?”

I nodded.

“I see. Interesting.” His eyes met mine again, drowning me in that gray-blue sea. “The presence of Red Lyrium weakens the Veil, blurring the lines between this plane and the fade. That you could discern its call amongst all the other traces of magic is both impressive and worrisome. You have a sensitivity to the fade which is a great asset, however it will also attract attention from those that dwell across the Veil. Not all of whom are benign.. You should seek training as soon as possible.”

“Yes, I agree.” I tightened my hands and averted my eyes again. “I, well Audrey and I were wondering, hoping actually that you might consider being the one to teach us? If you’re too busy I completely understand, it’s just you were the first to notice I was a mage and so I’d-, I mean we’d just be really grateful and honestly, a lot more comfortable if we could at least start training with you in magic. Cassandra offered us to train with the circle mages here, but I fear their teaching methods would be a bit too linear and given our situation I believe that a more fluid lesson plan would suit us more.” I was babbling and I knew it. I needed to wrap this up. “What I mean to say is, will you please train Audrey and I? You have already done more than your share for the Inquisition and I mean to place no burdens on you, but we would both very appreciative if you would be willing to share you knowledge with us.”

“So I am to instruct the Heralds of Andraste?” He replied with a teasing smile. “I would be happy to assist in this way. When would you both be prepared for your first lesson?"

“Well, I’d like to get started as soon as possible considering what we’re up against. Would tomorrow be alright?”

He inclined his head.“That is fine. Meet me here tomorrow whenever you are both ready.”

“Ah, thank you Solas! I really appreciate it.” I grinned at him, meeting his eyes again and felt butterflies stir as soon as I did so.

“Your thanks is not necessary,” he replied. “The Breach is a threat to everything and I am glad to be able to assist you in ending it. I will stay then, to train you; at least until the breach has been closed."

“Oh, that was in doubt?”

"I am an apostate mage surrounded by Chantry forces in the middle of a mage rebellion,” he explained with a hint of condescension. “And unlike you, I do not have a 'divine mark' protecting me. Cassandra has been accommodating, but you understand my concern at remaining here for any length of time."

“I do,” I said and I meant it. He had no idea how alike we were in this moment. Two people with deep secrets, alone in a world that was just waiting for an excuse to turn on them; both of us in a world we did not recognize or call home. He was as alone here as I was. “You came here to help, Solas. I’m not going to let them turn against you just because you didn’t train in a circle.”

“How would you stop them?”

“However I had to.”

I didn’t even realize those were the lines from the game until I had spoken them I was so sincere in their meaning. I would do anything to save him - from Cassandra, Vivienne, Cullen, whoever; even himself. It was a video game character that I had crushed on, but it was this man before me that I was beginning to find myself falling for.

He was studying me intently now; perhaps even looking past my dalish markings for the first time. It was a few moments before he spoke again and though the words were simple, I felt a controlled tightness behind them. “Thank you.”

Unable to think of anything else to talk of I hurriedly bid him a good evening and then shuffled off in the direction of my cabin. Now that I had sensed his presence up close I found myself more aware of it on the journey back and even sitting on my bed in the cabin I continued to sense him. I wondered if he was as aware of me.

*

I knew when Audrey drew near though it was still a long while before she returned to the cabin.

I was beginning to be able to describe the sense of her presence and how it differed from that of Solas. They weren’t tangible feelings, like a vibration or a tingle, but more like how you recognize a sound or a smell; each one unique, though sometimes only in very subtle ways. Audrey was a warmth akin to sunbeams through a window and I could tell how far off she was by the strength of it. The sense of Solas was more like space or the deepest darkest parts of the ocean; vast and mysterious. I tried to become aware of my own magic, to see what they might feel from me, but was unsuccessful.

The sun was just about set when the servants came to drop off our evening meal, empty the chamber pot, replace our washcloths, and ask if I would like a bath set - to which I replied no. I tried to help them place dinner out, but they politely refused and then when I next tried to insist that I be the one to empty the chamber pot they became outright embarrassed and the slew of “I am sorry if our service displeases you m’lady” and bowing quickly put me in my place. I sat on the bed and allowed them to finish their job in peace, though I still felt awkward by it all. I tried to make some small conversation by requesting their names and how they came to be here and though they answered it was not in a way that would continue conversation.

It was a relief when they bowed and exited.

Dinner was fresh vegetables, a type of roasted meat, bread, and what appeared to be a small cask of wine. Pouring myself a small glass I found it to be to my tastes; dark red and a hint bitter. I had finished eating and was sipping on my second glass of wine when Audrey finally returned.

“Ah yes, it feels good to be back inside again,” she commented as she stomped snow of her boots and hung her cloak up. “Have you been here all evening?”

“No, I went out and saw Solas.”

Her lips quirked as she helped herself to the food. “And?”

“And I arranged for our first magic lesson to take place tomorrow,” I said a bit defensively. I hadn’t admitted to any feelings for Solas, but I had told her that I had romanced him in my playthrough and I could see she meant to tease me about it as much as possible now.

She took a seat next to me on the floor. “Oh for real? Excellent! When are we starting? Early tomorrow morning?” My face scrunched up.

“Not the morning please and definitely not early. I’m more of a night owl and mornings and I don’t particularly get along.” She smiled at me, but said nothing else. “Hey Audrey, are you able to sense me still?”

“I think so yeah. Why?’

I glanced down at my glass. “I can sense you and Solas and I’ve noticed that you feel different from each other and so I was wondering if you felt a difference between Solas and I?”

“Oh that’s what that was,” she replied as her brow furrowed. “As I was coming home I felt a pull in two directions at the corner. I’m guessing Solas lives to the the right there? Anyways, I choose left because it seemed more familiar, I didn’t realize I was following the feel of your magic until now.”

“So you didn’t feel a difference between us other than I felt more...familiar to you?”

She shook her head and apologized.

“It’s fine, no worries.” I said with a smile and then, “so what did you do while you were out?”

“Went around town a bit. I saw the stables and there are very few horses there so we might be walking to the Hinterlands,” she said in between bites. “Went to the Chantry as well and the Inquisition proclamation is already nailed to its doors. I was going to see about getting some books, but there was a crowd of chantry folk outside and I was not mixing up with that crazy cookie batter. Ran into Varric afterwards, we had a nice little chat about the weather and we owe him a tavern visit and a game of Wicked Grace at some point.”

I groaned.

She grinned at me. “Was that about the drinks or the game? Because you seem to handle your alcohol just fine. Here. Let me taste that!”

“No, get your own!” I cried as she reached for it.

“What if I don’t like it? Just a sip. C’mon!” Giggling she took it from me and after a small taste jumped up to fill a glass of her own. “Its cheap, but good. I hope we get a bottle every night. They say a glass of red wine is healthy for your heart.”

“Who says?” I challenged.

Smiling she pointed at herself and slightly light from the wine I giggled.

We finished the small cask that night and by the end of my third and final glass I was feeling more than a bit tipsy. I didn’t usually drink, but it felt nice to let go of some inhibitions this evening. For the moment there was no real pressure on either of us and we were free to behave just a bit off track. The world didn’t yet know our names as they soon would. Comfortable and content I crawled into bed next to Audrey who was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. I lay awake for a while afterwards, peering at the giant expanse of stars that I could see through the shutters on the window.

*

It was earlier than I pleased when I awoke to strange sounds and the feel of movement in the cabin. Opening my eyes I saw that Audrey was already up and interacting with the two elven servants from the night before as they set out covered trays, took care of our dirty plates, emptied our chamber pot, and set out fresh clothes. She was standing awkwardly in the middle of the cabin trying to offer help and being effectively both dodged and worshipped by the two other elves as they would slide around her reaching hands with a quick bow and murmured “m’lady”. Not wanting to be awake this early I tried to hideunder the blanket, but Audrey had already noticed I was awake. She gave me an exasperated face before she sat down next to me.

“They won’t let me do anything,” she whined and I pulled a pillow over my ear, hoping she would get the hint. “Won’t call me by my name either or stop bowing.”

“Mm,” I grunted and turned away from her.

She continued to sit on the bed until the servants asked if she would require anything else this morning.

“Yes, please stop bowing,” she plead. “You have taken excellent care of us Osaira and Eltina and I thank you for everything that you’ve done already, but the bowing is just unnerving.”

“Of course, my lady. Thank you, my lady.” The blonde one replied as she and her brown haired companion bowed themselves out. Audrey gave a heavy sigh.

“I don’t know how people get used to that. Anyways, good morning sunshine! Let’s see what they brought for breakfast,” she exclaimed giving my shoulder a heavy pat before she stood up. I heard her walk off towards the table and murmur excitedly about whatever food items she discovered there.

Sleeping in was obviously not going to be an option with the Inquisition which I understood, but I was going to kill Audrey if she was like this every morning. Sullen and awake I levered myself into a sitting position and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. Blinking I looked up into Audrey’s smiling face as she held a platter of food out to me. “Thanks,” I mumbled.

Nodding, she retreated towards the table to let me eat in silence.

I wasn’t in the mood to talk until after I had finished my food. Setting the empty plate down beside me I regarded her begrudgingly. She had already bathed and was in the process of getting dressed. She still struggled with the chest bindings. I sighed.

“Here, let me help with that. I guess we should see Solas about a magic lesson. Might as well start now since we are up.”

“Thanks,” she said as I showed her how to wrap again. “That sounds good to me. I hope he teaches us frost magic first. I know the Circle mages start with fire, but freezing sounds much more helpful than burning. For battle anyways.”

I tightened my lips as I began to wash. I had forgotten about battle and that eventually it wouldn’t just be demons that we would be forced to fight. “Fire and lightning is what the mage class starts out with so I would assume those to be the earliest lessons we’ll be taught. He’ll give us some basic offensive spells most likely and then a few defensive techniques to make sure we’re well rounded. What I would really like to learn is healing spells, though those are probably complicated. I hope he’ll also teach us some more practical applications for magic as well. Wards, enchantments, and maybe how to heat water. I wonder if we’ll start out with a staff or if we have to work our way up to it.” The more I talked about what I would like to learn, the more excited I became and by the time I was strapping my boots on the only nerves I had about this lesson was whether it would be too early for Solas or not.

BANG. BANG.

“Heralds, are you in there?” A familiar voice cried out. Smiling, Audrey bounded up and opened the door to a rigid Cassandra. She did not enter on Audrey’s invitation, rather glanced around the room and then looked back to Audrey. “If you are feeling well enough I would like to bring you to the Chantry to meet the other members of the Inquisition. I was not interrupting anything was I?”

Audrey glanced at me and I shook my head before answering her. “No, we arranged magic lessons with Solas, but we had not set a time.”

“Good, please follow me then.”

My heart fell as I trailed her out into the cold morning air. I had hyped myself up for magical lessons this morning and now I wasn’t sure if I would even have the time, depending on how long this meeting lasted. I cast a quick glance in the direction of his house when we crossed that path on our way to the chantry and I could feel the tug of his magic which told me he was home.

Cassandra must have noticed my distraction. “Does the mark trouble you still?”

“Not since we’ve stabilized the Breach,” I said with a small smile. “I just wish I knew how I got it though.”

“We will find out,” Cassandra answered confidently. “What’s important now is that your marks are now stable, as is the Breach. You’ve given us time, and Solas believes a second attempt might succeed - provided the marks have more power. The same level of power used to open the Breach in the first place. That is not easy to come by.”

“No,” I replied in soft acknowledgement. “I assume mages would be powerful enough if we were able to gather enough of them, but I understand with the current turmoil it might be difficult. The fact too, that so many would be in one place to perform a spell of that magnitude might place people even more on guard.”

“Approaching the mages is one of the options we are considering, but as you’ve pointed out there are difficulties in doing so.” Cassandra stated before opening the door to the Chantry. She gestured us in before her and then quickly took lead again to take us to the door at the end of the hallway. Knocking once, she entered into the room and we followed behind. Leliana and two other familiar figures were present already, standing about a large table in the middle of the room that was covered by a map of Thedas already marked by several pins and figures.

“Good afternoon all, this is Nyx and Cinder,” Cassandra announced, pointing us out once we were all comfortably gathered around the table. “They are the-”

“It’s Audrey, actually,” Lavellan cut in with a sheepish smile and a shrug. “What? You really thought Cinder was a name? Just how strange do you see us Dalish, I have to wonder.”

“It is not that,” Cassandra snorted before turning back to the other three in the room. “Nyx and Audrey are the two responsible for stabilizing the Breach and will be instrumental in helping us to close it.” She turned back to us. “Heralds, these will be the key members in aiding the goals of the Inquisition. May I present Commander Cullen, leader of the Inquisition's forces.”

He looked much like his game counterpart; tall and blonde, with a heavy dusting of stubble along his jawline and dressed in the same cloak that always made him look like a hunched bird man to me. He had given both Audrey and I a noticeable once over when we entered, but when he spoke it was to Cassandra.

“Such as they are. We lost many soldiers in the valley, and I fear many more before this is through.”

Cassandra nodded in acknowledgement and then indicated a darker skinned woman dressed in bright gold and purple. It would have looked ridiculous on anyone else, yet somehow she made it almost regal. “This is Lady Josephine Montilyet, our Ambassador and Chief Diplomat.” Josephine greeted us in Elven, but I was glad to hear it was the extent of her knowledge of the language. As a Dalish elf I was assumed by many to speak a good bit myself, but other than the few phrases I had often used in fanfiction there was little I actually remembered and even less that I felt comfortable enough to try pronouncing.

“And you remember Leliana,” Cassandra continued.

Leliana stepped forward. “My position here involves a degree of-”

Discretion, my mind finished for her as Cassandra interrupted.

“She is our spymaster.”

“Yes, tactfully put Cassandra,” Leliana finished tersely.

I stood in awe of them all, each formidable in their own way and could scarcely believe that I was thought as a valuable member to this endeavor. I wondered what they made of me and I was aware suddenly of how I slumped forward and that my hands were wringing. Dropping my hands to my side I squared my shoulders and met each one’s gaze. I wanted to make a good impression.

“It is a pleasure to meet each of you and I look forward to our cooperation.”

“Yes, I look forward to getting to know each of you better,” Audrey said from beside me as she studied the map on the table. “Cassandra mentioned that you were aware of the fact that our marks would need more power to close the Breach and were considering approaching the rebel mages?”

“An option I oppose. The templars could serve just as well,” Cullen butted in.

Leliana opened her mouth to argue, but Audrey cut her off. “I’m open to either. Which one will speak to us?”

It quickly proved that just like the game neither group would even consider dealing with us until we proved to be more influential. In fact, the only lead we had was in the form of Mother Giselle, a chantry member working in the Hinterlands who was eager to speak to Audrey and I. Desperate for contacts at this time plans were quickly made to visit her as soon as possible and by Leliana’s estimations Audrey and I would need to be ready to leave within the next two weeks. Plans finalized and the meeting adjourned, we were led from the room by Josephine.

“If you would follow me please, I can provide you the necessary coin to purchase supplies for your trip. This will be the first installment of a weekly allowance we will provide you both” Her office was only a few doors down the hallway and she turned to smile at us both as she opened it up. “Leliana mentioned that you were interested in learning different accounts of history as well as nobility lines and etiquette rules that you are likely to encounter. I would be happy to help you study these matters if you would like.”

“Really? That would be wonderful!” I said as she busied herself around her desk. Placing her tablet down she grabbed a keyset off her waist and opened one of the drawers there. She pulled two small pouches out and offered them out to us.

“Here is your allowance.”

I took the pouch, slightly stunned by the weight of it. It was definitely more than I had been expecting, though it could also be filled with only small change as I realized suddenly that I had no idea how much each coin was worth. Josephine continued to talk. “Now, I would only be available to teach you in the morning before the missives and letters pile up and there is simply too much going on to ignore even for a few short hours. Would that work with your schedule?

“Yes, that would be fine,” I replied with a smile.

“Perfect! I look forward to seeing you both after breakfast tomorrow. If there are no objections, we can meet here for the lesson. Now, I do apologize but with the decision to speak to Mother Giselle set and the Inquisition key members approved there is simply so much to be done. If there are no further questions, I’m afraid I must cut this discussion short and I will see you tomorrow!” She said with a bright smile.

I gave her a short wave and then walked with Audrey back to the cabin, pleased that the meeting had not taken up much of our day. I was excited to see Solas as soon as possible, but Audrey had suggested we eat beforehand as we both suspected the lesson could go on for hours. Solas would be a slow, but detailed instructor.

*

Both of us eager to begin studying we made lunch a quick affair and after taking turns on the chamber pot hurriedly headed towards his cabin. I let the sense of him guide me again and was soon certain that he was in the far right structure. He opened his door just as I raised my hand to knock.

“Good afternoon! I hope we’re not disturbing you,” I heard Audrey chirrup next to me as I stared into blue-gray eyes. My voice seemed caught in my throat again and his eyes shifted to her.

“Not at all,” he said pleasantly and stepped aside to show us in. His cabin was bare of personal items, other than a small pile of what I assumed to be clothing on the floor and two books on the far table, there was no indication that he even slept or ate here. “I am pleased to see you both. If you would like to have a seat at the table we may begin the lesson.”

“Yes, thank you,” I said, finding my voice. Audrey pulled a seat out for both of us and then took a seat next to me. We stared up expectantly at him and he cleared his throat.

“Today's lesson will be mostly discussion. I'm sure many would prefer that I begin training you in offensive and defensive skills immediately and any other teacher might. They would begin you with a simple fire spell and teach you the purpose and theory of what you are manipulating later. I however, feel it is important to begin with a foundation before you set to building. If you are able to grasp the concepts quickly you will have enough knowledge to move forward with casting at our next lesson." Grabbing the two books on the table, he placed one each before Audrey and I, along with two quills and a shared bottle of ink. "These will be your spell books. Inside you shall keep notes and formulas for your spells. Eventually, you will have no need of them, either because you have achieved a state of complacency with your spell repertoire or because you have memorized and learned enough that you will be able to calculate without reference.”

I examined the leather bound book as he spoke. It was not inscripted or titled, neither were any of the pages inside marked. It seemed it was truly ours to make of what we will.

“Not all novice or junior mages will carry a spell book, as I'm sure you've never seen one of your keepers or firsts with one, but since I will be teaching you so much in such a short time I believe it will be most practical for you two to carry one for the time. You may sort and categorize it however you will. Some prefer to separate it by the main element they are manipulating while others tend to remember what part to reference best by class of spell."

Audrey lifted her hand and I saw Solas’s brow knit in confusion. “Yes?”

“I’m sorry, but what exactly are we putting in these books?” She asked, dropping her hand to point at the journal. “I thought magic was just energy we pulled from the Fade, that we willed into a shape or form here. What’s this about calculations?”

He smiled. “Ah yes, many are under the misconception that casts are manifested by emotions or pure willpower, but there is much more work involved. It is true that a spell may be cast with nothing more, as often is the case when a young child displays their first signs of magic. However, casting without knowing exactly what and how you mean to create is wild and unpredictable. Your intention might be to freeze an enemy, but without knowing the property of the elements you mean to alter or what must be done to alter them you could just as easily set the person alight or augment their power instead.”

“The fade is influenced and changed through imagination. Whatever you picture, you can create there. It is different here however.” I caught a sadness in his eyes at those words, but it did not linger. “You are the mentor to the energy you bring across the veil. Here you must teach it how to hold the shape and purpose you envision. You must communicate clearly how it is to mold itself in this reality because the rules here are different than what it is used to.” He proceeded to lecture for the next few hours, giving us plenty of formulas and details to take note of in our books.

He was thorough in his explanations, but Audrey and I still found plenty of opportunities to ask him questions. He answered most of them, but some he deflected with an explanation that the answers would only serve to confuse us until we had a better comprehension of materializing energy. I took care in formulating my thoughts to him, careful to avoid analogies or comparisons that came from experiences in my home world and because of that I spoke hesitantly and slow. Audrey was quicker in her thoughts, often blurting out an answer or asking her questions in rapidfire. She was quick to grasp concepts, though I felt I was better at connecting them to each other.

The beginning of the lesson was the hardest part, as I found myself hypnotized by his presence. His voice was low, mesmerizing, and quivering with an undercurrent of passion for the subjects he spoke of. I studied his face intently at first as he spoke, watching how his freckles moved with his mouth or how the scar on his forehead crinkled with his thoughts and I had trouble finding my voice to ask questions as I was more concerned about how he would view me than learning; but once we were deeper into the discussion I found myself too far enraptured by what was being taught to care and my nervousness completely slipped away. It was easy to converse with him then, with our minds dedicated to purpose and learning. I am not sure how long we talked for, but by the end I felt as if I was waking from a dream and was once again all butterflies and small smiles before him.

“We should conclude here for the day,” Solas said, clasping hands behind in his back in an all too-familiar pose. “Tomorrow’s lesson will not be as long and we will focus on applying what you have studied today in a practical manner.”

“So, we’ll be learning how to cast?” Audrey asked in excitement. Her left leg had been bouncing impatiently under the table for the last hour or so and it was beginning to irritate me.

The very edge of Solas’s mouth rose slightly. “Presumably. We will begin with learning how to manifest and form energy, but it is possible that you could begin learning your first offensive spell as early as tomorrow.”

Audrey beamed at me, her face practically glowing.

“I’m looking forward to it too,” I told her and then turned to Solas. “We have a meeting with Josephine in the morning. Could we meet you at this time again?”

“That would be fine. After lunch, then and I suggest dressing warm. The lesson will not be as long as today’s was, but it will be held outside.”

“Outside?” I echoed. “Afraid we may raze Haven with the first test of our powers?”

“Not Haven, just my cabin; and unless you are willing to host me I do not want to risk my sole sanctuary.”

I clamped my mouth shut, his teasing smile sending a swirl of butterflies through my chest.

Thankfully, Audrey had a quip ready and I was able to excuse myself with no further embarrassment. We left his cabin and the first cold wind that hit my face was a relief I wasn’t aware I needed until I felt my shoulders relax and head clear. Taking in a deep breath I focused on the diminishing sense of Solas as we moved away from him. It was becoming easier to distinguish his aura of magic from Audrey’s now; each as distinct as their personalities. I slid a sideways glance at her and catching my eye she smiled but did not speak. It was still strange to me how comfortable I felt around her, that even silence did not feel awkward as if it was a void waiting to be filled with flat conversation or ceaseless chatter. It was a rarity to find that with someone and I sensed that she was as comfortable in my presence as I was in hers with neither of us holding an expectation for the other to entertain.We made our way back to our cabin with no words exchanged until we stepped through the door.

“Oh that smells wonderful!”

“Uh-oh more wine. And new cheese!”

“No thanks, I’m sticking to water if we have to get up early again.”

We discussed the day’s lesson as we ate and when there was a knock on the door, I rose to answer it. The two elven servants we were becoming familiar with and two other strangers stood with buckets outside our door.

“Good evening, m’lady. I hope we are not disturbing you, but we have come to draw your baths.” The blonde haired Osaira explained.

“Oh, thank you! That’s very kind. Here, let me help with the buckets.”

“No thank you, m’lady. We can manage,” Eltina, the brunette said with a smile before she bustled past me.

They filled the bath and it steamed enticingly.

Audrey insisted that I go first and denied the servants the need to return later to fill her one as well, saying she would be fine with a cold wash tonight. She left soon after they did and though I did not question her about it, I saw her take a rag’s worth of food leftover from our dinner with her and the wine cask. The cabin empty, I slid into the warm bath with a heavy sigh and stayed there until it grew cold. She had still not returned by sunset and it was not until much later that evening that she entered with a blast of cold wind. “Where have you been?” I asked her, sitting up in the bed and placing my spellbook aside. I had been studying it in preparation of tomorrow’s lesson.

“Getting to know Haven better.” She smiled and I raised a brow. She was disheveled and dirty and there was definitely hay in her hair. “Gods, Nyx. Not like that!” She laughed. “Lemme take a bath and then I’ll come tell you all my secrets.”

Chapter Text

The next day, I sat in Josephine’s office munching on a pastry and not quite awake yet.

Our regular morning visitors Eltina and Osaira had brought us washing materials, fresh clothes, and a message from Lady Montilyet that we were to join her for breakfast. The news that no food was going to be brought to our cabin this morning because of that had jolted Audrey right into action into getting us both up and ready. Her morning cheer had been unphased by my sullen attitude which made me even more irritable and in the back of my head I knew I probably owed both her and Josephine an apology. Josephine had wanted us for breakfast so that she could teach us about the different types of breakfasts served, what silverware to use, and etiquette that was particular to dining in the morning. I listened, but with downcast eyes and a down-turned mouth and any conversation I was made to offer was terse.

After breakfast she had moved us onto general history such as the different ages, the various blights, wars, and old grudges between countries. Most of this I already knew from the game codex’s, but it was nice to know the information was valid. Next, we moved onto more current events such as naming the ruler of Fereldan and Orlais, the main noble houses in both lands and the relations between them. It was a lot to take in and I wish I had thought to take notes.

“Ah, notes do have their uses,” Josephine glittered, “but in this case practice will be the best methods to learning what mode of etiquette is required. I think it will do you both a great service to continue taking breakfast with me here so that we may practice morning manners as there is such a variety depending on what part of the country you are dining in and what rank of noble you are associating with. Lunch and dinner will be ordeals within themselves as well.”

She picked a heavy stack of books and paper from a nearby shelf and sat it down before us. “I did, however pull a few volumes and provide a few family trees for you to study in between lessons. Recitation and notes will be the best help in memorizing them. Now, I believe I’ve kept you long enough for this morning. Did you have any questions before you go?”

Audrey shook her head hurriedly. “No, other than how you manage to retain all this information. The succession line to Queen Anora alone is so complicatedly difficult to keep straight, much less the thousands of other noble houses and families you seem to have memorized.”

“Years of practice,” Josephine smiled sweetly.

There was an insistent knock on the door then that served as the final signal for us to leave and taking our load of books we bid her a swift goodbye, sidestepping the irate man that entered as we left. “I will not stand to be treated in this way. I demand a room that has at least the basics of life.”

“Ah, Serah Elric.”

“I do not how you expect me to survive with these deplorable conditions you have provided. No bath, no fresh linens each day, hard jerky meals, yet you want my support.” His words were lost to us as we reached the end of the Chantry hallway and Audrey gave a low whistle.

“I’d hate to have her job.”

“I’m not sure anyone could do her job as well as she does,” I said with a backwards glance. “We should make sure to thank her again.”

“Are you sure? She might be so into this training because she wants us to replace her. You really want to thank her for that?” She placed a hand to her forehead and then proceeded to speak in a mock voice. “Oh Nyx, it’s simply unbearable. My cabin has a drafty window, and my skirts were folded twice instead of three times. How can you expect me to live like this.”

Conscious that other nobles and persons against the Inquisition might be in the Chantry I meant to scold her, but the teasing glint in her eye silenced it and I found myself smiling back instead.

Our arms full of books and timelines we headed back towards our cabin to drop the materials off and take a quick lunch before we met with Solas. As soon as we entered we saw that Osaira and Eltina had been by already for the hearth was freshly stoked, our chamber pot emptied, and three food trays rested on the table. Spilling the books I was carrying onto the bed I hurried over to the table suddenly realizing how hungry I was. Opening the tops of the trays I discovered fresh fruit, a nutty sort of cheese, smoked meats, and bread that still felt warm to the touch. It all looked exquisite. I took a pinch of everything offered and sat down to eat, trying not to cram everything into my mouth at once and forcing myself to chew each bite to completion. It would not do to have an upset stomach right before today's lesson and my nerves were tense enough as it was. Deep down I still harbored a fear that I actually didn’t possess any magic and then too was the worry that I did and that I would accidentally hurt someone with it or prove to be incompetent.

Far less nervous than I and naturally quick in everything she seemed to do, Audrey was done straightening the room and her meal before I was. Tidying everything as best we could to make Osaira and Eltina’s jobs as easy as possible we grabbed our spellbooks and then headed out for our first practical lesson of magic.

*

Solas was obviously as aware to our presence as we were to his for he was waiting outside his cabin for us when we arrived. After a concise greeting he began to lead us down towards Haven’s front gates. Audrey was practically bubbling with excitement about the lesson, but it soon became clear he was not willing to discuss it in much detail until we were clear of Haven. I suppose it was a wise caution on his part, but it left us little to actually discuss and so the walk was passed mostly in silence. I took the time to study him again, happily noticing that he seemed to have changed outfits. He had kept his jaw necklace and foot wraps though and today he was also without his staff. In our lesson last evening he had explained that a staff was not necessary for casting, but was rather used as a tool for it. He had already requisitioned one for each of us, however we were not to have them until we had mastered at least two offensive skills.

Today’s skill was about fire; its creation and then transformation into either a flamethrower or projectile to start with. I was a little concerned that when he finally stopped it was in a small grove and while I could appreciate that the trees hid us from Haven I also couldn’t help but imagine them alight due to a wayward spell.

Solas turned to face us. “Are you ready to begin?”

“Yes,” Audrey said with breathless excitement. I merely nodded and tried to relax. “How do we start?”

“I am getting to that. Magic is a part of this world, but it is separate from it because of the Veil. As a mage you must reach through the Veil to grasp at the energy there, bring it across, and manifest it here. You will have an easier time understanding this concept because of how easily you can sense magical energy already. Here, pay attention to what you feel." I closed my eyes. "Eyes open." He instantly commanded and I obeyed. "Focus. Feel my magic, feel the mark, feel the magic and how they differ from each other."

And I did. I felt him, like space before me; and I felt Audrey too, like the sun on my shoulder. There was the mark too, buzzing and familiar on my hand and hers.

"Now, single me out. Feel the change I elicit on your senses."

I tuned in to his aura, feeling enveloped and awed by it, like it was too big to encompass more than just a small part at any given time. I sensed him and as the flame burst to life in the palm of his hand I sensed the change too. A small spark of energy that jumped and molded. "Did you feel that?" he asked and I nodded. "Good, now trace where it came from. Reach back across the Veil and touch the material there for yourselves.”

I stretched my senses and was soon aware of a deeper vibration all around me, like a barrier and I realized that it must be the veil. I pushed on it and after what felt like reaching through a thick layer of water I touched the pool of energy.

“It’s not a physical movement,” Solas softly chided Audrey as she flailed an arm out in front of her.“Sense the magic, trace the vibrations you feel until you become aware of the barrier that separates us from the Fade. Good, now that you have both found it, I want you bring it across by channeling a small amount to your hand.”

I took a deep breath and nudged at a bit of energy, focusing it down into my right hand until I could feel a solid amount had been gathered. It buzzed as the mark did, but it was separate; unique and unmolded to our world.

“Now, what does it need to change into fire?”

“It needs air to consume.” I answered, lifting my palm up in front of me. “And heat.”

He nodded. “Correct. Now, collect the articles of this world you will need in your mind and then teach the energy you’ve gathered how to be flame.”

I stared at my hand, concentrating. I imagined a spark bursting into life as it was exposed to the air and a warm heat across my palm and seconds later I was rewarded with a small fire floating above my outstretched palm. I smiled at my success and at Solas.

“Very well done. It should take little to no energy to maintain it now at that size.” He said with a small smile. I opened my mouth to thank him, but before I could a blaze of heat rolled across us as a large flame burst forth from Audrey’s hand. Startled, she fell back into the snow with a loud yelp and lay there limbs all askew. The fire had gone out with her fall and Solas stood over her with a sobering look.

I’m not sure why I found the situation so amusing, perhaps the pure ridiculousness of the fact that we were actually practicing magic or that Solas was teaching us, but I suddenly burst out laughing. Audrey and Solas looked at me strangely which only egged me on, laughing so hard that I was forced to double over and clutch at my sides. A few seconds later I heard Audrey began to laugh too, leaving Solas looking even more concerned. When we finally both regained our composure a few minutes later he stared down his nose at us as if daring us to even smile out of turn.

“Do you know where you went wrong?” He asked as Audrey got back up with a big grin still on her face

“I think so. I took too much energy, didn’t control the flow correctly, and ignited more than I meant to.”

“Correct. Now, both of you try again.”

The laughter out of our systems we proceeded to practice a bit more with lighting fires in our palm and then he moved us onto streaming it from our hands. We formed small blazes that we were instructed to focus on one spot and then also move from side to side. Audrey seemed to have better luck than I at this stage. Her flame was larger than mine and melted ice and snow as she moved it along. Mine made less of a dent against the frozen Earth at first, but by the end we were both able to create decent flamethrowers that could set any flammable material in its path alight. Satisfied with our manifestations and seeing that we were both near collapse from exhaustion, Solas called an end to our lesson.

“We shall halt here for the day. You have both done an admirable job.”

Audrey smiled and then instantly crumpled into the snow with a large grin of contentment. I smiled too, actually pleased with my progress today. It was exhausting mentally and physically and I had not even mastered one basic spell, but it seemed like a large leap to me all the same.

Solas looked at Audrey and briefly I saw the corner of his mouth twitch upwards. Something inside me tightened unpleasantly.

“It will do you no good to catch a cold out here. You should rise,” he directed at Audrey, but then hee included me in his next statement. “Your bodies are certainly feeling a degree of fatigue, but mana depletion and physical exhaustion are different. Your bodies will learn to tell the difference over time, but you must begin to catch it now otherwise you will allow yourself to falter in battle even when you still possess your full physical capabilities to flee or fight.”

“How does our mana replenish?” I asked while I tried to sift through my feelings of fatigue.

“Naturally,” he replied as if it was common knowledge. I shot him a puzzled look and he sighed patiently. “As I explained yesterday you have an innate connection to the fade. The process of casting a spell makes you more aware of that, but do not be misled into thinking that it is the only time you are connected. You are always connected. Sensing magic is proof of that.”

Audrey pushed herself up with a little effort and then set to brushing her backside off. “So our bodies will just naturally convert fade energy into mana over time?”

“Correct, though not continuously. There is a limit to how much mana your body can contain, though that limit can be extended.” Audrey prompted him to elaborate. “Your body’s capacity for storing mana can be broadened with use and practice. Much like a muscle can be exercised and built.”

“That’s good to know.” I mused, folding my hands behind my back much as Solas did. “It’s strange to think how much our bodies have altered since we gained our magical abilities. Since the restoration process is slow though, how are we to replenish mana in battle? Are we to rely on lyrium potions?”

He shook his head.

“Lyrium potions provide a large dose of mana all at once, but I would not encourage a dependency. You can speed up the natural process of your body by drawing energy from the Fade as if you mean to cast it. The unused energy you pulled into yourself will naturally begin to be converted into mana. Be careful with this, however.” His voice changed to a sharper tone. Where others may use facial expressions or gestures to indicate an emphasis I was learning he did everything through his words and pattern of speech. “You cannot cast during this process which means that if you draw too much into yourself at once you will be forced to wait until the entire conversion is completed. That means even if you have the mana available you will be unable to cast in defense or offense.”

“No casting at all?” I echoed in surprise. How were we to defend ourselves in those moments then? “Would we be able to use a staff?”

“Yes, staves have an energy of their own that allows them to cast, although it is limited.”

Audrey had moved to stand closer to me and I could see that she was shivering. The cold was beginning to affect me as well, but I still had questions. “What do you mean?”

“Magical staves are created specially so that they react to the user’s will. Usually with the inclusion of a crystal, rune, or lyrium stone that permits them to collect and store energy much like mages do. However, their limitation is that they can only cast the one type of spell they are designed for and that while their mana pool may decrease at a far slower rate than mine or yours, it also replenishes itself at a decreased rate.”

I pondered what he said, slowly drawing connections to the information he had presented. “So a staff that is used often will eventually deplete and be unable to cast for a long time.”

“Decades sometimes,” he offered. “A staff is very rarely destroyed, most are left as heirlooms to be used decades or centuries later when their energy has been replenished. It is why so many can be found in old ruins and why they are such a valuable find. The more time that passes between use the more power that has been collected and stored.”

“I always wondered about that,” Audrey said as she rubbed her arms furiously in pursuit of warmth. “On the battlefield you can always spot who is gonna throw magic at you because they usually have a staff. Can any other weapons be used, ya’know in case you want to keep it a secret that you may toss fireballs until the right moment?”

Solas quirked an eyebrow. “I wasn’t aware you had much experience on the battlefield.” Audrey smiled sheepishly and shrugged. “As for your questions, presumably though I fail to see much practicality in that pursuit. Staves are a common choice because of the dual benefits they provide as both a melee and a range weapon. I am sure daggers or bows have been imbued with such properties in the past, but they are more limited in their movements.”

“How do you know so much?” She retorted playfully, though as one who knew his secrets, her undertone was clear to me.

“I am a dedicated scholar to whatever I choose to study.”

His reply was even, guarded almost, but whatever was in his stare sent another faint flush across Audrey and she seemed to welcome his next insistence that we make our way back to Haven. I had mixed thoughts as we made our way back towards Haven in silence. I was trying to focus them on the lesson and what I had learned today, but they kept drifting towards Solas and his interactions with us; mainly his interactions with Audrey. I was eager to get close to him, to be the one to show him the worth of this world and perhaps change his end plans, but she seemed closer to those goals than I did for the moment.

We were just passing the training grounds when I heard a familiar voice call out to us. It was Cassandra standing near some practice dummies and she waved us over. Solas excused himself, allowing Audrey and I to make our way over to her privately.

“Good afternoon,” she said in greeting. “How are your lessons going?”

“Better than I hoped,” I replied honestly and proceeded to tell her the few things we had learned as well as what would be focused on tomorrow. She seemed pleased with our progress expressing that she knew we had a lot to learn in a small amount of time and that she was there to help in any way she could.

“Actually,” I said, “I did want to know where we could grab some supplies for our venture into the Hinterlands? What supplies you would recommend we bring?”

Cassandra looked happy to help and quickly detailed where we might find the armory, apothecary, and tailor. She also provided a number of things we should consider bringing and then also confirmed that our journey would be done on horseback, although since we only had older farm horses on loan to us it may not be a very different pace than if we went on foot. Appreciative of her help we went straightway to meet Harriet the blacksmith and order new armor. He showed us the beginnings of the staff that Solas had commissioned for each of us as well and promised that they would be done within the next few days. After our stop there we went by the tailor and ordered new underclothes, cloaks, shirts, and riding breeches before we headed back to the cabin for supper. Audrey left again after dinner with a small bundle of food and I spent the remainder of the night reading and had slipped off into sleep before she returned.

Chapter Text

Over the next week and a half our days in Haven fell into a comfortable pattern.

Each morning we would rise early - me sullenly and Audrey cheerfully - to bathe, dress, and then meet Josephine for breakfast and lessons. The morning meetings with her would sometimes be short and other times push closer to lunch depending on her work load. She would normally not dismiss us until either a visitor sought entrance to her office or the missives piled up to the point that they threatened to teeter off her desk, but I never minded. Josephine was enjoyable company and I was grateful for any time she had to share in teaching us whether it was only an hour or four.

Once our morning lessons ended we had taken to volunteering. Threnn, the Quartermaster had been indifferent to our approach and was quick to set us to work as we asked. She had a long list of tasks that needed to be addressed such as mining, hunting, sewing blankets, etc, but we ended up only feeling comfortable in helping to gather herbs and tend to the sick or wounded in the clinic. I loved both tasks equally and usually alternated between them each day. Once the Chantry chimed for noon we would head to lunch was was always taken hurriedly in our cabin before we rushed off to see Solas for our magic lesson. He had continued to train us outside, working us through fireballs and then lightening in terms of offensive skills. We received our staffs about 3 days in and our lesson sessions extended from that point on, now that we were able to cast without using our own energy. We practiced moving with our staves, mock battles, defensive techniques, and recharging mana while in battle. The first day of practice had been the most difficult for me as I had an easy time of mastering lightning spells, even progressing so far as to chain them, the day prior. Suddenly though, I had a weapon between my hands that seemed to be constantly in the way and that I was now supposed to incorporate in between my other spells. It was a frustrating addendum.

“Again,” Solas commanded for the 5th or 7th time. “You must think of the weapon as an extension of yourself. It is controlled by your will just as your leg or your arm may be. Take it slow. Doublegrip and fire, spin to one hand grip and fire, then left hand out to cast a fireball.”

My temple was starting to throb, but I did as he said and slowed it down. Decisively I nudged the staff’s energy with my will to zing a spell of the boulder ahead then dropped my left grip before I pivoted on my left foot to zing another spell of the boulder. Another deep breath and I conjured up a flame in my hand and grew it slowly before I loosed it as a fireball.

“Better. Now use a lightning spell, absorb energy to recharge into mana, and then double cast using the front and back of your staff before you begin the prior sequence.”

My jaw tightened as did my grip.

“Solas, what’s your favorite curseword?” Audrey asked with a half-smile before I could cast. Her voice was terse and the wild red hairs that poked out from her braid added something to it.

“Why do you ask?”

“I thought it might be less offensive if you liked hearing it.”

He paused, and for a moment I thought he meant to reprimand her or refuse to answer, but then there was a slight twitch to the corner of his mouth. “Fenedhis,” he said simply and I smiled. Of course it would be.

“Fenedhis! Fenedhis! Fenedhis!” Audrey cursed before taking up her stance to cast again.

Sighing heavily, I did the same. My first cast was perfect, a precise bolt of lightening striking the boulder ahead. Moving quicker I pulled a small amount of energy in from the Fade, just enough to replenish what I used so that by the time my staff spells finished I would be ready to cast again. The first bolt of energy lift the tip of my staff and I twisted it hard in my hands to channel it out of the end next. Too hard for I dropped it. “Fenedhis.” I whispered.

It took a dozen more tries before I was finally moving through the motions with fluid grace, precision, and power, but by the end of the lesson my frustration had completely abated and I was once again feeling the flush of success with no regrets to lesson being halted for the day. We began the walk back to Haven in silence and most likely would have continued to do so if Audrey hadn’t excused herself just before the gates.

“You guys go on ahead. I want to speak to Cassandra regarding a time to meet up with her.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” I asked.

She shook her head. “You have to meet Adan soon. I can arrange this, no worries!” Before I could really reply she gave a quick wave and thanked Solas before running off. I paused to watch her go.

“You are meeting with Adan?”

“Oh, yes,” I said a bit startled by Solas’s sudden question. “I arranged to study alchemy under him. He is a bit short-staffed so an extra pair of hands to crush herbs goes a long way in helping him and I figured it was practical knowledge to possess anyway.”

“It is indeed.You seem to both seek out ways to keep yourselves occupied here when most in your position would be content to sit back until called upon.”

“I suppose. I don’t agree with that state of mind at all though especially when there are so many others doing their best to help Audrey and I. I want to be able to give it back, to have the faith they put in me returned.” I began to twist the skin around my fingers. I could feel his gaze on me and I challenged myself to meet it. “Thank you again, by the way. For all the help you’ve given us so far. I really appreciate it.”

“I am eager to see the Breach closed and I am happy to provide my aid in any way needed for that cause.” He turned and started walking again and I fell into step behind him.

I didn’t want to be that girl, but I couldn’t think of anything else to say just yet and it was the only thing I could come up with. I was still so uncomfortable around him though, so maybe it was best that I stick to familiar territory for now. I took a breath and started. “Solas, you mentioned that you have seen many things in the Fade. Ancient battles, forgotten wars, old dreams, could you tell me a bit more about them?”

He seemed taken aback at first. Surprised, not offended, but then he smiled and it actually seemed genuine if not reserved. For the remainder of the walk we talked comfortably, delving into a topic we were both familiar with. I asked the questions from the games as best I could remember and then even branched out a bit on my own, but it all flowed smoothly and I soon realized that I had to doubleback to get to Adan’s. We had walked right past the building. I smiled after I bid Solas farewell, finally feeling as if I had unlocked something with him.

It never truly mattered when I arrived, Adan was always as grumpy as he had been on my first meeting with him. Audrey and I had come the day after we had been given our first coin bag in order to purchase potions for our upcoming venture into the field. Overwhelmed Adan had been almost dismissive of us saying that anything we needed was on the house and in the crate over there, until we had offered to help. Audrey it turned out had little interest in studying potions and after the first day did not return choosing to fill this time with other errands and lessons of her own. I however loved the smell of the apothecary and was eager to learn how to mix and utilize the herbs I picked for the Inquisition. And so it came to be that I studied under Adan each day; crushing herbs, sorting and picking parts, boiling water, and sometimes even helping to fill the simpler requisitions.

After my potions lesson (as I liked to think of it) I was usually ready for Dinner. For Audrey and I, the evening meal was a fluid affair, sometimes we took it alone in our cabin and on a few occasions even gone to the tavern to dine with Varric. The first evening we went there we found Varric in the midst of a crowd regaling them with one of his tales. A tale that turned out to be about how he accompanied Audrey and I when we first attempted to seal the breach. He caught our eye when we walked in and we chose a corner table to stay as much in the shadow as possible until the tale was done.

“Well, pleasure to see you both finally coming around to visit me,” he said as he walked over to join us. He help up a few fingers to indicate to one of the barmaids that his next round should be brought to our table. “How did you like the story?”

“I thought we’d be taller,” Audrey said with a grin.

“That comes with the fourth or fifth retelling,” Varric winked. “Have you two ordered yet?”

I shook my head. “Not yet, what would you recommend? It’s our first time here.”

“Hey, let it be my treat then!” We tried to make a polite objection, but he waved us off and signaled again to the barmaid. He really was a regular for she seemed to understand what he wanted by his hand gestures alone. “ How are the magic lessons with Chuckles going?”

Audrey groaned and thunked her head down on the table. Varric smiled and raised his eyebrows, looking to me for an answer.

“We are progressing steadily and have a few offensive spells at our disposal now.” I gave Audrey’s back a sympathetic pat. Today’s lesson in learning how to conjure and manipulate lightning had not been easy for her. Well, the conjuring had, but not the direction and she was usually so wildly off marker that Solas had taken to casting a barrier over us while she practiced. “Some spells are a little harder to handle than others, but we’re definitely a lot better off now than we were during our first attempt to close the Breach. Despite how you make it sound in the retelling.”

“That’s what people want to hear.”

Audrey lifted her head up. “That we aren’t bumbling buffons broaching the Breach? Ooo, say that three times fast.”

I was saved by this task by the arrival of the barmaid as she brought our meal and three tankards of what I guessed to be ale. She greeted Varric as an old friend and then I saw the moment in her eyes that she recognized Audrey and I for her flirty smile suddenly turned shy and her hands shook a bit as she lowered the bowl of stew before me.

I immediately felt sorry for her, if not also terribly confused as to why anyone saw me as special. “Thank you so much, I can’t wait to eat!” I said warmly as she served the others. “I’m Nyx, may I have your name?”

She flushed slightly and introduced herself as Feria before hurriedly asking if we needed anything else. After an unanimous vote that we were satisfied at this time, she bowed hurriedly and rushed off, gripping her tray close to her chest. I was feeling accomplished by my attempt at reaching out to a stranger until I saw Varric studying me in amusement.

“They really believe in you two, you know,” he commented.

Concerned, I shook my head. “Why us? Cassandra is the one that is leading the Inquisition, Cullen is the one organizing and training our forces, Josephine and Leliana are the ones expanding our reach and influence. We have done nothing. We can barely fight, have no connections, no influence; in fact, the only thing we’ve done is point our hands at the sky while everyone else fights and sacrifices their own well-being.”

“But that’s exactly it,” Audrey said. When I looked at her for an explanation she merely shrugged and gave me a small smile.

Varric picked up where she left off. “What she means is that you two have the mark that closes the rift and that means nobody expects you to do anything, but that. You’ve surprised everyone however, by volunteering, learning to fight; even just asking questions leaves an impression with them. Because nobody expects a Dalish elf to care, but even beyond that no one expected either of you to care. Since you two stabilized the Breach, everyone has had their eyes on you, and you’ve surprised every single one of them with your choices so far. ”

I was stunned. “What, what do you mean- why would anyone...I’m not doing any of this because I was looking for a reaction. It’s just the right thing to do.” I looked at Audrey for confirmation and she shrugged again.

“It is, and you’re a better person than I for seeing nothing beyond that,” she said almost wistfully and I understood then that she had been aware this whole time that everyone would be watching us, but then her smile was back and a raising a spoon in cheer she began to dig into her stew. “Mmmmm, this is divine. Ooooo, I probably shouldn’t say that. Probably still too early.”

Following her cue, I tried the stew myself and it lived up to her review; everything was tender and flavored. The ale was agreeable too; warm and a bit spicy. As we ate I mostly let her and Varric do the talking, content to sit back and listen. She had knowledge of him from an earlier game and I didn’t and I felt the difference of that definitely showed in our interactions with him. Engaging him in comfortable banter was easy for her as if they had been friends for years, but I found I didn’t quite know how to do that with him yet. He was still a stranger to me, as everyone else. Except for perhaps Solas; I felt as if I knew him.

He had given Audrey and I a few books to read on top of what Josephine had also provided us and that is usually what I turned to do after dinner. Audrey would disappear each evening while I bathed and finding myself alone each night it became the perfect time to study and read. She told me she was volunteering down at the stables, but I knew something else had to be up. I was ok with her secrets though, understood the need for them even as we never had time to be alone or just us. It helped too that I had a secret of my own: the Fade.
My dreams had taken place in the Fade ever since I had arrived in Thedas, but it was a while before I became aware of what that meant. Once I did though my dreams forever became a lucid experience. I wasn’t able to alter the Fade in anyway, but I did have complete control over what I did and where I went. Most often I dreamed I was in a forest with a nearby stream; sunlight filtering through large leafs, lush grass that swayed in a breeze, and big white stones that were warmed by the sun. It was a complete sanctuary. I never had visitors, other than an occasional glowing ball that would hover about the edges. It didn’t seem malevolent so I assumed it to be a wisp. I had neither seen or sensed any other presences of yet, but I knew I would be better off asking Solas about how the Fade worked before rather than after I encountered my first ones here. He had, afterall, warned me that I would be more sensitive than most to them.

My time in the Fade always proved relaxing so far and every night that I found myself there and able to wander aimlessly either in my forest or to parallel visions of majesty, I always woke feeling much more refreshed.

*

On the tenth morning we awoke to a message from Cassandra. The time had come to prepare for our first journey. Dutifully, Audrey and I completed our morning routine and then headed down to the Chantry. Though we had visited here each morning for a lesson with Josephine, today the halls felt strange and unfamiliar as we walked through them. The rest of the Council had already been assembled by the time we arrived.

“Good morning Herald's, breakfast is on the table there if you please,” Josephine said warmly.

“Thank you!” Audrey returned with a bright smile. “You always know how to start the day right.”

I nodded silently still not quite in the mood to discuss much and once I had my food I proceeded to the far end of the table to munch quitely. The discussion was rather straightforward this time. Leliana read Scout Harding’s report on the situation in the Hinterlands and it was determined that it would take a larger force to secure the area fully and that also we couldn’t risk waiting that long as the fighting began creeping closer and closer to the Crossroads where Mother Giselle was stationed. She was refusing to leave until the Townspeople there had been provided aid and security. A brief argument broke out on whether a small force would be accompanying our group to the Hinterlands, but in the end Cassandra won out. She was eager to reach Mother Giselle and an accompaniment would slow our group down. The end formation of our party was to be Cassandra, Solas, Varric (after some further arguing), one of Leliana’s senior agents, Audrey, and myself. The meeting ended with Josephine handing us a checklist of items we would need to bring and both Audrey and I promising to inform Varric and Solas that we would be departing at the 2nd bell tomorrow morning.

Since the wartable discussion had not run long and we were not studying with Josephine today, Audrey and I found ourselves with an unusual amount of free time before we were scheduled to volunteer. We took this time to shop around and pick up all our required items and then stop by to inform Threnn that this would be our last day to volunteer for awhile. She was abrupt, but understanding and gave us a detailed list of noteworthy materials we should keep an eye out for on our travels. Audrey and I had different volunteer duties that day so I arranged to meet her for lunch at the tavern and then hurried off to my shift at the Clinic.

When I entered the tavern some few hours later it was almost empty. I placed my order in at the counter and then moved off to find Varric at his favorite booth. Audrey was already there.

“Hey, you’re here!” She greeted me with her usual smile. “Sorry, we ate already. I was so hungry! I’ll cover your meal to apologize.” She said gesturing to the empty plates on the table.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” I replied with a smile of my own and then took a seat next to her at the table. “My order should be here soon anyways and I paid up front. How have you been Varric?”

The dwarf regarded me expectantly. “Eager to be in the know. Cinder here said you both had some news for me, but she wouldn’t say a word until you got here.”

“I figured we should tell him together.”

“Oh. I suppose,” I said, rather indifferent to anything but the bowl of steaming stew being set in front of me. I said a quick thanks to the waitress and then started to blow on a spoonful. “We’ve been officially told that we shall be departing for our first field excursion tomorrow morning. We were hoping that you would like to accompany us?”

“Bianca and I would be delighted. Who else is going?”

“Cassandra, us three, an agent Charter, and Solas.” Audrey replied.

“If he accepts,” I added.

She paused and shot me a guilty look.“He already did. He was helping me gather herbs today and I already told him about it. He said he’d be happy to assist.”

Varric grinned. “Even more reason for me to go then. If my time with Hawke has proved anything, it’s that I never say no to a bad idea and being stuck on the road with the Seeker again sounds right up that alley.”

I smiled as they shared a laugh, but my thoughts were elsewhere. Audrey had already asked Solas. He had accepted. I was partly relieved that he would joining us and also partly terrified at the idea. This meant we would be spending a large amount of time together and I had no doubt that he would be carefully watching my every move. Add that to the pressure of this being the first time that I would actually be acting as a representative of the Inquisition, I was very close to terrified, and yet the idea of him there was also oddly comforting. For some reason I felt as if I could count on him, even though my heart was already warning me not to.

Once my meal was finished Audrey and I left to meet Solas. He was waiting for us outside his cabin once again and as we proceeded to our normal training area we were full of talk about the upcoming expedition to the Hinterlands.

“I understand your eagerness,” Solas added as we exited Haven’s gates. “After living so long away from human interactions, it must be wearisome to encounter it daily. The prospect of camping out each night must feel like a small return to home for you both.”

I shrugged.”I suppose, I hadn’t really been thinking about it that way. Really I am just happy that I will finally be able to start making a difference. I feel we have relied on everyone else so far and I am just glad to be able to contribute to their work now.”

“Do you miss your Dalish clan?” He asked in a neutral tone, though I felt as if he was probing for a reaction. I glanced his way, but his expression was flat as well.

Audrey and I had decided to feign memory loss regarding our past to avoid a need to provide too much detail or worry about our stories matching up which meant I had a little leeway in how I chose to answer him. Though doing so in any detail still made me uncomfortable.

“To be honest, very little. I- we, recall only small details about our past and our time with them, but I feel even if I remembered more I would not be remiss about my absence from them. The individual people perhaps, but not the mindset of the clan itself. I have always had a thirst for knowledge and a desire to know more, but the Dalish are set in their ways and I found it hard to always agree with them,” I said, subtly aware of the passion that was beginning to sink into my words as I began to pull on experiences back in my own world. “Especially when they willfully choose to be ignorant towards new information. I wish the best for them and maybe one day I will seek to return, but for now I am happy for the freedom to learn as I please.”

“I can understand that,” he said and then we continued on in silence for a few moments before he spoke again. “You two are very different from most Dalish elves that I have encountered. I was beginning to think it might have been your entire clan that had set themselves apart, but I am coming to understand that perhaps you were unique to them.”

“If we weren’t before, we certainly are now!” Audrey replied without missing a beat. She waved her marked palm in front of us to emphasize her point and then with a wink bounded ahead.

I let her go. My whole body had paused in the shock of his words, unsure of what to make of them. Was he starting to see us as real? As friends? A romantic interest even? Perhaps I was not wrong to hope that I could change his mind in the end. Or maybe I was just overthinking it all and Audrey had hit it right on the head: it was just the mark that set us apart from the world. The fact that we carried a piece of his magic with us. I sluggishly started to move forward again, my eyes locked onto my palm.

“It no longer bothers you, I trust?”

Startled, I looked up to see Solas had dropped back to walk alongside me. There was a touch of light concern in his question that gave me butterflies. I made a fist and tucked my hand behind me, forcing myself to meet his eyes and smile. I did not need him aware of his effect on me. “No, not since we stabilized the Breach. In feels as if it has always been a part of me now or at least it is harder to discern its magic from my own.”

“That is reassuring. The anchor on your palm was not intended to have its focus split in two and I was concerned about the lashback of such a division occurring, especially because it should have been an impossibility. I have dedicated much of a time pursuing an explanation on how it may have occurred and the effects we should expect, but I have not been successful in locating an answer. If we could only find the artifact that caused the Breach, I am sure studying the source itself would lend an answer.”

“You don’t believe it was destroyed in the explosion then?”

“You survived did you not?” He said keenly. “The artifact which created the blast is unlike anything seen in this age. I will not believe it destroyed until I see the shattered fragments with my own eyes.”

The sudden image of him crouched over dark stone to cradle the remnants through my mind and I gulped. I would never forget the look of despair that had been on his face at that moment. “I hope it does not come to that,” I replied sincerely.

He nodded, but by that point we had reached our destination and perhaps, eager to be distracted from the topic he jumped us straight into our lesson without any lecture. We had little need for one anyways, as today’s session introduced nothing new and functioned mostly as a review for everything we had already learned. He had us practice in mock battles against imaginary foes where we had to string movements and casts together and at the same time remember to replenish our mana pools. By the end of the lesson I was sure in most of my movements and drenched in sweat.

We parted way by our cabin as usual and then after a quick and very cold bath I hurried off to my lessons with Adan. After my lesson I picked up the lyrium and elfroot potions for Audrey and I there as well so that we would be well stocked for the journey tomorrow. Adan also handed me an ingredient list of various plants to take a collection of and then also provided me my very first recipe. It was a simple healing ointment that only required crushed elfroot stems and was easy to make on the road. I promised him a sample when I returned.

Audrey and I had discussed taking dinner at the tavern, but I had yet to pack so she politely stayed to dine with me instead, though as usual she disappeared right after. I almost asked her to stay. However, I knew it would have been an selfish and unnecessary request. I had dealt with much worse than mild anxiety on my own, and though I knew here I could always count on help, it did not mean that I was ready to take advantage of it.

I read for most of my last evening, until eventually sleep claimed me. As I closed my eyes I focused on the sense of Solas in his cabin and then tried to search for Audrey as well. My range had begun to widen as my magical abilities grew, but it seemed the stables were still too far away for me to sense. Or perhaps she wasn’t even there, I never truly knew. I focused back on Solas and soothed by the awareness of him, drifted into sleep and the Fade.

Chapter Text

I never liked that my day constantly began with mornings. I hated mornings. But here I was on yet another morning, waking up to the insistent shake of the stranger turned roommate and her detestable cheery voice wishing me that wonderful oxymoron “good morning”. Resistant to her attempts I groaned and slammed a pillow over my head.

“C’mon, we have to go,” Audrey said, refusing to give up. “The 7th bell already struck and if you want breakfast and what may possibly be our last bath for two weeks, you need to get up now.”

I shrank further into bed.

The pressure lifted from the bed and I thought at first she had relented until moments later I smelled eggs and bread. Peeking out I checked that she was no longer nearby by and then reached for the offering of food she had left beside me, sitting up just enough so that I could cradle the plate in my lap and enjoy the meal without having to make eye contact.

Despite this being the morning that I would depart for the Hinterlands, it was proving to be one of the more decent ones. Lately I had been joining Josephine in the mornings for lessons on etiquette and politics which meant I was forced to be sociable long before I was ready. Audrey was more accommodating, content to let me stew in silence until I broached conversation. I glanced at her in appreciation and almost dropped my sweet bun.

“What happened to your face?!”

“Oh,” she said startled and touching her lip gingerly. “Does it still look that bad? I haven’t checked since last night.”

The left half of her bottom lip was about 2x its normal size and her jaw was slightly swollen. The beginnings of a dark bruise were starting to show as well and I had the brief thought that I would most likely be using Adan’s recipe sooner rather than later.

“Yeah, it looks bad. How did this happen? And don’t just tell me you tripped.”

She giggled nervously. “Well, you know I’ve been going to the stables every night and there’s quite a few large beasts there; and well, I got on the wrong side of one of them by accident.”

“Did you get kicked?”

“Certainly makes me sound a bit dumber when you put it that way. Anyways, not kicked, just knocked.” She scratched her ear. “I’m not looking forward to telling Varric about it that’s for sure.”

I smiled in sympathy. “I think your big worry is probably going to be Cassandra,” I said and Audrey’s face scrunched up pitifully. “Take an elfroot potion. It’s going to be a long day and you don’t want to start it out in pain.”

She followed my advice, albeit reluctantly and though I had felt the affects of the potion before I had never actually observed how it worked. Fascinated I watched her skin clear of any signs of bruising, the swelling disappear, and the small cut on her lip shrink, scab, and then vanish. It was marvelous. She poked at her parts afterwards, amused by the change as well.

I finished my meal and got ready in silence as thoughts about the upcoming departure began to fill my head again. What if I failed? What if my inexperience on the battlefield resulted in the injury or death of someone else? What if I was more a burden than a use? Worthless.

I closed my eyes and dumped the water pail over my head, hoping it would cleanse my mind as well. The thoughts I was having were useless and nothing productive would come of entertaining them. Better to focus on something else. So I reached, and with my senses I found Audrey - warm sunbeams on a windowsill; and then further until he was there - the deep peace of space and galaxies. I took a deep breath and focusing on their presence set myself to getting ready. As the bell chimed for the 2nd of 8 times I took one last look around the cabin and then softly closed the door.

It was a cold morning. Overcast and solemn. There was no audience as we walked down to the stables, but a crowd had gathered around our departure point. News that the Inquisition was taking action had garnered quite a bit of interest in both our supporters and dissenters and I was happy to remain unrecognized as I pushed past the folds and into the clearing. The rest of the travel party was already present and instantly pressed in upon us as we drew closer.

“Keep them back,” Cassandra called to the guards watching the crowd. “Good morning Heralds. Are you ready to depart?”

“We’re ready to leave at your signal. I didn’t expect such a turnout for our departure. It makes everything feel so real,” I replied while looking around. There was really only one person I was searching for and I found him standing beside one of the horses, tucking something into one of the saddle packs. I only allowed myself a brief look before I met Cassandra’s gaze again.

Cullen crossed his arms. “Everyone is depending on you. They have a keen interest in this mission as it's the first of its kind for our organization. All eyes will be watching for your success.”

Or failure I thought, even though he had not said it. “We’ll be doing our best.”

“We have complete faith in you,” Leliana assured us.

My stomach did flips, but I shoved the queasiness down and smiled.

“I hope the list was sufficient. I’m afraid there will not be much comfort to be had on the road, but I tried to think of everything within reason,” Josephine burbled, clutching at her tablet. “Let’s see, did you get your cloaks and gloves? Are they to your satisfaction?”

“My goodness Josie,” Leliana laughed, “your worry like a mother hen. They will be fine. Here, let me show you both your horses”

Our mounts were slightly separated from the others and while Leliana showed us the best spots to tie our saddle bags I watched from the corner of my eye as Solas mounted up. He sat tall in the saddle, hands folded lightly over the pommel and reins, Varric was beside him chatting as usual and I saw Cullen and Cassandra in a discussion nearby as well, but he looked apart from it all. Imperial. An odd contrast against the humble outfit he wore. He was barefoot as usual, but he had at least chosen to wore a thick beige cloak for the journey.

I swung myself into the saddle, settling comfortably onto the worn leather and arranging my own cloak around me. It had been ages since I had been on the back of a horse, but I had ridden often at my friend’s farm when I was young and as my fingers wrapped around the reins I was happy to discover that it was just like riding a bike; one never truly forgets. We moved out in a line, filing one by one past Cullen, Josephine, and Leliana to nod our farewells and then we we were gone. Out past Haven and into the wintery woods that guarded the small town.

*

For the first portion of the day, we mostly rode in contemplative silence with Cassandra leading, me behind her, Audrey and Varric next to each other, and then Solas bringing up the rear. The woods came and went in patches, but the ever downwards trajectory remained. Sometimes sharp in its descent and then in other spots slow and winding. It was slow going. More than once I appreciated the effort of the caravans and merchants that made this journey to supply Haven and I was making mental notes of ways to improve the road for them, especially if and when heavier snowfall came, when I noticed Cassandra had dropped back to walk her mount alongside mine.

“Are you alright?” She asked, and I replied positively. “I must admit I was surprised that you agreed to accompany us into the field so readily. After what you experienced on the mountain I thought you would have more hesitation.”

“You thought I might run?”

“That is not what I am saying. It has occurred to me though that I know very little about you. Could you tell me about yourself.”

“I’m not exactly sure what you would like to know. I don’t recall much of who I was or where I came from. I’m not even sure what I was doing at Conclave,” I replied, aware of how my voice carried across the empty expanse of road. “But I’m happy to answer any questions you may have to the best of my ability.”

“It is not an interrogation,” Cassandra huffed. “I am simply interested in getting to know you better.”

“That’s what she said right before she hauled me off in chains,” Varric called out and I heard Audrey giggle next to him.

Cassandra glowered, indignant. “I did no such thing. You must stop exaggerating Varric.”I thought that would be end the end of it, but after a few moments of silence she spoke again.“I hope you do not take my questions as personally as he does,” she said turning back to me. “But I was curious how you find Haven? Is it very different from what you were used to?”

“Haven has been wonderful. I have found help wherever I looked, the meals have been amazing, and I find it refreshing to be amongst people outside the Dalish. It was beginning to feel stale there.” I paused, to fiddle with my reins and guide my placid mare around a low hanging branch. I was nervous to say the next part, but I puffed out my chest and went forward with it anyway. It needed to be said and now was better than never. “The only issue I have is the place of elves in society. So far all positions of importance seem to be held by other races and I find most of my kind in areas of servitude such as the two maids we have, or the tavern waitresses, or the linen changers in the clinic. It is strange to receive such high treatment from those at Haven because my mark is depended on, but to know that I come from a race that is viewed as something-less by most who live there. I hope my time with the Inquisition will go a long way in improving these conditions.”

“I see. I was not aware.”

“I know, most are not,” I agreed evenly, biting back a more severe response. “The Dalish are guilty of it as well, projecting those same feelings onto anyone that is not Dalish, but I don’t believe any race is below or above each other.”

“What do you believe?”

“That’s hard to answer. I don’t really know at the moment to be honest. I know what I want to believe, but I don’t know if I truly believe in it yet. However, I do believe you made the right choice though. Starting the Inquisition.”

She caught my eye and held it for a few seconds before she turned front again.

“Thank you for that. It is comforting to hear.”

“I- wait,” I paused, twisting in my saddle to face Audrey and Solas. “ Do you feel that? I think I sense magic nearby.”

Audrey’s ears perked up and a look of concentration tightened her features, but I could tell she hadn’t felt it. Solas was a harder read. He met my stare calmly. “Which direction?”

I pointed right and at Cassandra’s signal we departed from the road to make our own path through the woods. We had not gone far before both Audrey and Solas confirmed a magical presence nearby as well and as we broke into a clearing I saw the rift. It was a smaller sized one and did not appear as if it has caused much damage if any, since its appearance.

“What’s the plan here?” Audrey asked.

“Don’t die,” Varric supplied.

Cassandra made a sound.

Not trained for war, our mounts became anxious beneath us and we decided to leave them at the wood’s edge instead of risking them bolt if we pushed them too close. Luckily we had already made it quite a ways down the mountain and the snow was only an inch or two deep at this point. Making our way on foot was no problem at all. The fight was a different matter. Though it was a small rift, we had an unbalanced party with only one melee fighter, and that made getting close enough to the rift an issue. Audrey and I spent most of our time moving out of melee range and because of that we had little time to act as offensive casters, relying mostly on defensive fire wall spells to ward off oncoming enemies to give ourselves enough time to relocate and try to disrupt the rift again. As the last entity fell, Audrey and I raised our palms in unison to close the tear. It was an exhilarating moment. To feel how far I had come since the last time I had faced a rift, and even though I still had much to learn, it was a good checkpoint for me to realize that I had truly improved in some regard.

The diversion over we reclaimed our horses and headed back onto the main road. Once the excited chatter about the fight died down I drew my mount alongside Solas’s.

“You did well,” he said, greeting me with a smile.

My stomach tightened. Butterflies.

“Thank, you, you’ve been an excellent teacher.”

“But?” He raised an eyebrow.

I smiled weakly. “I feel behind. I know part of me is just being over-eager, but I really want to be able to do more. Audrey and I were still completely reliant on you three during that fight and even though I can tell how much I’ve improved since I awakened, it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. I just wanted to know if there was anything I should be doing to speed up my learning process. Reading material? Fade exercises? Practices while I ride?”

“You have accomplished much already in such a short time,” he replied with a brightness in his eyes. “Do not overextend yourself. We will have a lesson tonight when we make camp and I will recommend books to you as I find them. Practicing while we ride could be done, but we risk being at a low energy state if a fight catches us unaware and also of putting some of our companions ill at ease.”

“I understand. I’m sorry if I seem too pushy on it.” I dropped my head, breaking eye contact. “I cannot emphasize enough how grateful I am that you have even taken the time to teach me.”

“Of course,” he told me politely and then a silence settled between us for a while before he spoke again. “What did you have in mind when you mentioned Fade exercises?”

“I don’t know exactly,” I stuttered, trying to ignore the feeling of heat rising to my skin. I regretted mentioning anything about the Fade now as I should have known he would latch onto it. “I haven’t really felt comfortable enough to explore much there yet, but I supposed I could perhaps be practicing spell casting there? I haven’t tried yet, but I assume one can cast spells in the Fade or if not I was at least thinking I could practice the staff movements. It wouldn't alter my physical abilities at all of course, but it should condition me mentally.”

“Casting in the Fade is certainly possible though the process is different - much more direct. If you don’t mind me asking, what has been your experience in the Fade so far?”

I smiled and met his gaze. For a moment he wore no mask and his eagerness to know was apparent so I indulged him. Willing to share with him what I had not even been willing to share with Audrey. I told him about the forest I woke in every night, how I navigated a small portion of the Fade and what I saw, and also about the glowing light that hovered around the edge.

“That is most likely a wisp. Curious, but very shy,” he confirmed. “I am surprised that is the only attention your presence in the Fade has attracted. There have been no others?”

I shook my head, aware that we were now trailing a few paces behind the others of our group. It made me bold.

“Is there a way to encourage the wisp to come closer? I don’t want to attract any attention per se, but I should like to get to know and perhaps befriend some of the spirits in the Fade.”

He looked at me in silent amazement at first before he broke into a small smile. “You are quite unexpected.”

I met his eyes, fully intending to reply, but my throat suddenly felt thick. Like a bottle of maple syrup had been poured down it.

The moment passed and he began to speak on how I could befriend the spirits attracted to my area of the Fade and also how I could begin to seek certain ones out, though he warned me to not attempt it for quite awhile. We continued to talked undisturbed until we encountered the next rift. After that Cassandra seemed determined to ride by my side and conversation resumed its normal lull, filled occasionally by an odd comment, a story from Varric, or his and Audrey’s attempts to play a game of ispy.

All in all the first day went better than I had expected. We had closed a total of three rifts that day and by the time we dismounted to make camp I was tired, but not as sore and worn out as I had assumed. Camp duties were split evenly, with Varric volunteering to hunt, Audrey taking charge of caring for our mounts, and then Cass, Solas, and I setting up tents, the campfire, and the latrine.

Dinner was packed bread and fruit and the two rabbits Varric had freshly caught. Belly fully and wrapped up in my cloak near a warm fire, I was nearly dozing when Solas approached.

“Are you ready for the lesson this evening?”

I was tempted to wave him off, but I knew I couldn’t afford to do so after the complaint I had made just earlier today. Groaning, I unwrapped myself to fetch my staff and then followed him and Audrey to a small clearing next to camp.

It was a short lesson that night. Focused on defensive maneuvers such as deflecting spells, counter attacking, and controlling the space between the opponent and myself. I was grateful when it ended and felt my feet dragging as I returned to camp. Luckily, I was not on watch this evening and I was able to crawl right into my bedroll with barely a word to anyone. My tent was small and mine alone. It could fit two if pressed and I had thought of sharing it with Audrey at first, but decided after a week on the road with no certainty of bathing that it might be best to sleep separate.

I slept easily that night with no fear or anxiety on what tomorrow would bring.

Chapter Text

There was a still chill to the air when I awoke. Like the fog before a battle. Outside, I heard the movements of my campmates and the crackle of a fire, smelled breakfast cooking, but none of it was enough to make me stir from the warmth of my bedroll just yet. I knew I needed to. Cassandra had made it no secret that the journey would be made on a late to bed and early to rise schedule, but I also knew that I would rather skip breakfast entirely than be made to socialize just yet.

Unfortunately, I had a growing need to use the latrine.

Grumbling to myself, I woke, dressed, and then stumbled out into the bright light and chilly air. I mumbled the cherriest greeting I could manage and then hid away to relieve myself. Audrey wordlessly handed me a bowl of porridge when I returned and I subsequently avoided all eye contact as I ate, making the most noncommittal sounds as possible when Cassandra tried to talk to me.

Luckily, Audrey was there to intervene and took most of the conversation off of me. She was a natural morning person. Cheery and full of energy. Literally the worst.

Later, when I was packing up my horse I overheard Cassandra ask her if I was like this every morning. I couldn’t see Audrey, but I imagined her shrugging in response. “I’ve never really had the nerve to ask. But you can.”

Cassandra snorted.

The second day was not going as smoothly as the first for me. It was less than an hour in when we encountered our first rift. Luckily, nothing more serious than wraiths and shades were spawned and we were able to dispatch the problem quickly. The farm it formed on had suffered some damage so we delayed long enough to tend to their minor injuries and locate the escaped animals. Solas led my horse over when we were ready to depart.

“Your mood seems improved,” he said as I mounted up.

I straightened in the saddle, thrust my heels down. “Yes, I suppose it has.”
I paused for a bit as he mounted up, thinking on whether I should say more, but as he settled in beside me I turned to him. “I’m really sorry if I was rude or short with you in anyway this morning. I have such a hard time waking up, especially if it’s in the middle of a good dream and then I’ve always found it difficult to fake what I don’t feel. I’d much rather do late hours and little sleep than an early start to my day, but I know they are going to be unavoidable from now on so I am trying to make an effort to improve on that.”

He shook his head and gathered up his reins with a small smile. “It is no worry. I know you have much on your mind and I understand how waking up puts it all at the forefront. I find I much prefer later hours myself as well as it provides more time for contemplation without distraction. ”

“I’m so glad you understand how it is. Still, I can’t let it be an excuse, especially when there is so much to do and learn.”

“You do not seem like the type that provides excuses. A rare find and one I appreciate.”

I dug my heels into my mare and blushed.

We rode through lunch that day. Snacking on stiff bread and fruit slices while we moved. The mare I rode seemed content to follow Cass’s horse and without a need to steer her I studied my spellbook as I ate. Reading and rereading the formulas and rules, memorizing what I could and jotting notes and questions as I thought them. I was in the zone and I’m not sure how long I actually spent hunching over my notebook, but eventually I needed to stretch. I lifted my arms up, elongating my back and breathed deep. It felt good. Dropping my hands I twisted in the saddle to stretch my sides and paused. Audrey and Solas had dropped back and were deep in conversation. I finished my stretches, but I couldn’t return to studying. My thoughts were too distracted.

Varric rode a little behind me and to my right and every observant, he noticed the change in my mood. “Everything ok there Starlight?” He asked, pushing closer to me.

“You talkin to me?” I said, resisting the urge to say the question more than once, and glanced at him.

“No, your mare. I thought she might be uncomfortable since you’re sitting on her like a sack of potatoes,” he retorted kindly. “Of course I’m talking to you. What’s going on?”

I sighed heavily. I wasn’t in the mood to discuss my private thoughts, but neither was I that quick on my feet. “I think I may have just been studying too hard. My head is aching.”

“I’m not surprised. You’ve been nose-deep in that thing for hours. What you need is some entertainment. I could teach you Wicked Grace.”

“Maybe tonight,” I said with a weak smile. I didn’t look at him. Afraid that if I did I would need to look behind me as well. I heard Solas laugh and my heart clenched. “Is Starlight my nickname?”

“Yeah, took a while to find the right one for you, but I think this one really fits.”

“Any particular reason?”

“I think you’ll know in time. At any rate it’s a new puzzle to distract yourself with,” he said with a wink and I shook my head, smiling. Noticing that I had cheered up he took it as an opportunity to launch into a story about how an old friend of his named Broody got his nickname.

As he pulled slightly ahead of me, I took the chance to glance behind me and was relieved to see that Audrey and Solas now rode apart. Why their closeness bothered me I couldn’t truly say. In honesty, I wanted Solas to know and like as many people as possible in hopes that it may change his endgame, but for some reason I was protective of him. As if his acceptance of others should come through me and be on my behalf and that I realized was a very dangerous thought.

I cleared my thoughts and focused on the puzzle of my nickname instead. Varric’s voice buzzed on beside me.

*

We only hit one more rift that day before the call to make camp was made. Separating, we each performed our duties in getting the site ready and evening meal prepared. To my surprise, Audrey volunteered to help Varric with the hunt, leaving me alone with Solas and Cassandra. The latter took care of our mounts while Solas set up the tents. I started a fire with magic and then dug the latrine. When I returned Solas was the only one in camp. He was setting up the last of the tents.

“These are more difficult than they need to be,” I said with a smile as I went over to help him. “I’m surprised you don’t know a spell that just arranges it all for you.”

“I do, actually,” he said. “I happen to like working with my hands though. Magic is a powerful tool and it has many applications. It would be easy to live life assembling and creating with only your mind, but I feel that becoming reliant on that method causes the details to get lost. The feel of the wood grain beneath your fingertips or the way the bow bends and tightens in your palm. It’s good to touch and feel these things even if there is no necessity for it. It makes it ours.”

“Ours,” I repeated, softly. I tightened the cord he handed me, opposite of him, pulled the canvas taut across the framing. “I understand. I would never want to give up the feel of a book between my hands or the way charcoal feels against a page as I move it.”

“You draw?”

I tensed, realizing I had said more than I meant to. “Yes, but not well or very often. It’s just a very vivid thing that I remember.”
“Of course,” he said, stepping towards the firelight. “I believe Audrey and Varric are returning with their catch. After our meal I shall hold a magic lesson if you are both up to it.”

I nodded, sensing Audrey’s approach like a shooting star now that he had mentioned it. “I’m looking forward to it actually. I need the movement after sitting for so long.”

Dinner was a bit subdued that night. Varric whispering that Audrey had had a difficult time in making the kill and was taking it harder than he thought it wise too. We broke apart after the meal, following Solas a short distance away from camp to practice.

“Are you doing alright?” I whispered to her as we walked, making sure we far back enough to be out of earshot. She nodded in response. Smiled. “I’m here if you need to talk. I know it’s tough to do. I helped out at a shelter back home. It’s...hard.”

“Thank you. I know it’s necessary, but you’re right. It’s hard. Still, I’m glad you’re here for me,” she said and then fully smiled as she normally did. Radiant and cheerful. “By the way I think I’m finally beginning to notice a difference in how I sense Solas and you.”

“Oh?” I said. Inordinately interested.

“Yeah, he kinda feels like a deep ocean. Those dark parts where only a few rays of light reach and the rest is all a mystery. You’re a little like that too, but not as scary. More like a calm lake, serene, surrounded by a rich forest and below a large pale moon. Open, but still mysterious.”

“Hmm,” I said and chewed my lip in thought. I was beginning to garner a good idea of the impression I was giving off to people. Starlight and lake water below a moon. A good counterbalance to Audrey, perhaps. All sunshine and fire. I returned her smile as we came to a stop before Solas.

He ran us through a practice of what he had taught us the previous night. Small deflections and counters to common offensive spells and then took us into a series of staff moves meant to keep melee attackers at bay. It was mostly a warmup for he stopped us a short way into the lesson to teach us something new. How to push items and eventually people with our mind. It started with notes in our spellbook.

“This application of magic is a bit different from what I’ve been teaching you. Though the technique is the same as what we’ve been practicing it has less visual substance which makes it harder for many mages to grasp,” he explained, picking a small rock out of his pocket. “Moving an object on this plane with the energy of the Fade requires you to be aware of three things: weight, force applied, and your environment. For example, if I wish to push this rock out of my hand. What is heavier, the rock or I?”

“You,” Audrey said instantly.

“Of course. And given that weight difference, how much force would I need to apply to simply nudge it off my hand?”

“Only a little,” she said hesitantly, as if he asked a trick question.

“Correct. If I used more force than necessary I could easily transform this rock into a projectile with the same momentum and power as one released from a sling or catapult. But let’s change this scenario and say instead I wish to push that tree. What would happen?”

“You would be flung back,” I said, and his eyes lit up. “It’s obviously heavier than you are. Applying more force wouldn’t make any difference to moving it, but would only determine how hard you were pushed back. In which case, if you weren’t paying attention to your environment then you could easily knock yourself out against a wall or push yourself off a cliff or into harm’s way.”

“I see you have it all figured out,” he chuckled and then gave the rock a small nudge. It landed on my spellbook. “You try now, but point it there. At that tree, not me please. Now, pull the energy in from the fade and use it as your force. You aren’t converting it to anything. It’s pure energy you’ll push with, so you only need a little.”

I did as he directed, pulling through that watery veil the energy that I needed and then I held it, unsure on how to direct it. Through my fingertips or my arm? My mind. He said it would be with my mind. So I pictured a spring between my eyes and when I released the energy I released the spring as well, driving the rock forward. Too hard though, for it shot off to hit the tree across the way.

Solas took a pouch of rocks out for Audrey and I both to practice with.

We stood there, zinging rocks off trees, softly nudging them off our hands, or pushing them with various other amounts of force to control where they went. After that, he had us practice pushing off trees. Using fade energy to propel ourselves backwards. I was more careful my first time trying this technique, pushing so lightly that I only wobbled backwards, whereas Audrey shot a good few feet back and landed roughly on her backside with her first attempt.

“That will be good enough for tonight. We’ll practice pushing heavier objects, such as people, when we stop tomorrow,” he said once Audrey and I were showing expertise with moving the rock and ourselves backwards.

“I think I prefer lighting things on fire,” Audrey said, rubbing the parts she had been falling on. “Though I can really see how this is far more helpful in a variety of ways,” she quickly filled in as Solas looked at her.

“It’s groundwork for a range of other techniques as well. Such as barriers,” he responded calmly.

I perked up at that. “Will that be something we’ll be learning soon then?”

“At this rate,” he said, “I believe so.”

Varric greeted us as soon as we reappeared in camp. He had a deck of cards in his hand and he waggled his eyebrows suggestively at Audrey and myself. Cassandra snorted behind him, poking the fire a bit violently with a stick.

“I suppose I have to learn sometime,” I conceded and sat next to him around the fire. “Audrey will you be playing?”

“You both will and Cassandra too. Solas, are you in?” Varric said as he started to shuffle the cards out.

Solas shook his head. “I’ll decline this evening. It will give them a chance.”

Varric laughed at that and dealt us in, making Cassandra move closer despite her protests. The game turned out to be like poker or at least what I remembered poker to be like. He went over all the matches we could make and their rankings as well as how we could raise or when we should fold. The game was simple, but not that enjoyable for me. It was a game of deception. Varric won most of the rounds, though Audrey surprisingly beat him out on the first three, acting as if she didn’t know how to play and asking if four Angels were better or worse than two songs or serpents. Once we caught wise to her game she seemed to be stuck in the same losing boat as I was.

“That’s it, I’m done,” Cassandra declared. She pushed her remaining coins towards Varric and stood abruptly. “I suggest you all get some rest. Nyx, you have first watch. I’ll be taking second.” And with that she brushed aside her tent flap and vanished.

Audrey stretched too and with a sleepy smile bid us all goodnight. She was watch free this evening. Varric and Solas retired soon after and I was left alone with the fire.

I pulled my cloak tighter around me and huddled there.

Crossroads was looming ever closer. As was my first real battle against humans. I buried my face. That was the one thing...I just didn’t know if I could do. Killing. Spirits were the same I understood. Those poor things torn through the rift and perverted. They would be reborn, but they would be different from who and what they were. Alive and conscious, but not the same.

I had thought often about whether or not I would return to my own world if the choice was offered and usually I would always lean towards remaining here, but that’s because it was a choice. If and when I had to take life here it wouldn’t be the same anymore. I could never go home. Not until my role here was finished. I would have to make that life I took valid and real and accomplish the purpose that I was fighting for. At that point, I couldn’t abandon this world and return to my own. I would stay here, forever.

I looked at the sky. Wide and filled with stars. It was a different sky than the one at home, but it served the same purpose.

It made me feel small.

Insignificant.

And great.

I stared until my neck hurt and then watched the fire for the remainder of my shift. I was sleepy by the time I went to wake Cassandra. Lost in my own thoughts and dreams. Sleep and the Fade found me again easily that night when I made it to my bedroll. The wisp at the edge of my forest. Light and growing confident. It moved towards me and I smiled in greeting.

“Hello there,” I said.

Chapter Text

It was our third day on the road. Nothing but the creak of leather and the sound of hooves under a warm sun. We rode at a steady pace except for my occasional halts to gather herbs. Now that we were at the edge of the Hinterlands the ground had leveled and turned green. Though there was still a chill in the air. Only a slight one though and I no longer wore my cloak, leaving me to feel slender and free for the first time here.

It was so peaceful that if it wasn’t for the mark on my hand, I would have been lulled into a full sense of security. As it were, the green gash pulsed and the small amount of magic it produced always lurked at the corner of my senses keeping me on edge. Maybe it was because I was always on edge that I was more sensitive to the rifts than Audrey or Solas, but as usual I was the first to sense this one.

It was a large rift and newly formed too by the looks of it.

My mare shied beneath me as we rode closer and we made the decision to leave our mounts behind. Trees were a bit scarcer here, so we had to push stakes into the ground to tie them to. I hoped the horses would be far enough from the battle so as to not spook. The power of them combined could easily take out the piece of wood tying them into place.

The horses secured, Cassandra led us on foot over to the rift.

We were the length of a soccer field away still when I saw the first demon materialize. It was unlike anything I had seen before in person. Tall, and lanky, with sharp edges everywhere. It had a translucent green glow to it and when it saw us it paused before slowly sinking into the ground and vanishing. I stood stock still and entirely on edge.

“Terror demon,” Solas said. “It’ll come for us.”

It was true, I could feel the demon’s presence as it rushed us, growing closer with every second. My heart jumped into my throat.

“Audrey,” I shouted as I felt it turn toward her.

“I can sense it now,” she yelled, moving just as the ground bubbled up beneath her and the terror demon burst forth seconds later.

It swiped at her retreating form, but Solas and I were ready for it. In quick succession our lightning bolts struck the creature and Varric sent a bolt of his own through its side. There was a roar from Cassandra and banging once on her shield she charged it. The terror demon turned towards her raking its claws against her shield. I silently cursed my lack of spell variance and swung my staff forward to fire off a shot. I sensed another incoming presence and a quick glance confirmed it as two shades dropped out of the rift and then spotting us began to make their way over.

Realizing it was losing, the terror demon tried to sink back into the ground, but Solas was ahead of it and froze the creature solid. With a loud grunt, Cassandra began hacking away at the small exposed portions and I spun and twisted to fire off shots from my staff at it as well. The creature’s form was wavering, a good sign that it was almost defeated. A giant whoosh of air caught my sudden attention and I saw a streaming fireball connect with one of the oncoming shades. Audrey’s hair fanning out behind her as she twisted and fired off two more shots from her staff to take down one of the shades for good. A bolt of Varric’s punched through the other one. In the distance the rift crackled and I saw more forms materialize. I needed to move and disrupt it or more would keep generating.

“I have to get closer,” I cried and started forward, firing a fireball of my own at the other oncoming shade.

I felt a barrier settle over me and looked back at Solas who drove the end of his staff into the ground, shooting lines of lightning into the terror demon. “Go with her Seeker, we have this handled,” he commanded.

Nodding, Cassandra broke off her assault and sprinted past me with a roar. With a mighty cut she finished off the other shade and then caught another through the middle. I sensed the terror demon’s presence vanish behind me and soon the whole group was bunched back together to tackle the new stream of demons and wraiths entering the field. Audrey was the first to find a moment to disrupt the rift, though it took two more tries before we were finally able to close it.

It was the most difficult one we had tackled since we stabilized the breach and we smiled happily at each other when it was finished. Breath ragged from the exertion of it all.

We took lunch afterwards as it was late enough in the day, walking alongside our mounts to give them a rest and munching on dried ram meat as we spoke about battle tactics and what we would be facing as we neared the Crossroads. It made my gut clench to think about any upcoming battles. As it was, fights were hard enough knowing that I wasn’t just destroying demons, but spirits here against their will. Spirits that I wanted to save, but at least they would be reborn in some form. Soon I would be fighting flesh and blood; and taking away their only chance to exist. I worried too, what would become of me when I finally crossed that line. Would I harden into someone unrecognizable? Or worse, what if I couldn’t bring myself to do it and others died because of it. I knew worrying about it was doing nothing to help and just creating more anxiety, but I couldn’t help myself. It was all I had been thinking about lately. The what-ifs and the when.

“What’s that smell?” Audrey asked, breaking into my thoughts and punctuating her sentence with several defining sniffs of the air.

“Fire,” Solas offered with a concerned look.

Cassandra’s hand strayed to her sword hilt. “It cannot be that old. Do you sense anyone nearby?”

I tensed, suddenly realizing the gravity of the situation. I didn’t feel anything or anyone about though so I shook my head. Solas and Audrey confirming they felt nothing either. Even with that assurance investigating it would be a needless risk and so we stayed the course. A pointless call as we soon broke the treeline and saw the blackened husk of a cabin on the hill crest to our left. A prone figure lay a few feet away, facing the door and we pulled our mounts to a stop.

“What happened here,” Audrey said as she dismounted. I felt my stomach drop.

We approached the cabin slowly. The fire was only about a day old according to Solas’s guess and not magically ignited. The figure by the door was a young male, dressed in fraying robes and most likely a mage. I didn’t look at him long. His head had been smashed in and the ground was dyed a nasty color all around him.

“He was tortured,” Cassandra said as she knelt beside him. “The others, if there were any...they were locked inside?”

I looked at the burnt building, saw the misshapen planks that had barricaded the door shut from the outside.

“The window,” Audrey’s voice suddenly choked, the color all but drained from her face. “Look, it’s like he broke through trying to escape, but they...they dragged him out. There’s blood on the shards here. They pulled him out and then made him...made him watch?”

My stomach clenched again and I looked away. Black husk. Dead men. The world felt like it was starting to spin.

“This is horrible. Who do you think did this?” I heard Varric ask.

Solas was kneeling in the grass. He stood moments later with an object in his hand and turned to show us the small emblem. “Templars, it seems.”

It was a violent feeling. The suddenness with which I was ill. I clasped my mouth and stumbled away from them towards the back of the cabin until I found some bushes. I crouched over letting my stomach heave until I couldn’t anymore and I wasn’t even sure when I had started to cry, but there were wet lines all down my chin and my nose was dripping. Audrey approached after some time had passed.

“Our world isn’t any better you know,” she said, wrapping her arms around me comfortingly. “But at least here we can make a difference right? We’re gonna make a difference.”

I shook. “By doing more of the same thing? By killing. I don’t know...I just don’t know.”

She stayed silent with me until I was prepared to return. I wanted to bury the mages here, to give them some sort of last rites or respects, but Cassandra insisted we had no time. Solas was kind enough to say a few words, all in elvish of course, but it felt right. As if the area had been somewhat cleansed of the horror. Varric and Cassandra moved the lone mage inside and they both looked pale when they exited the cabin. I guessed there had been others inside. I wanted to raze the whole cabin to the ground. To open the earth beneath it and swallow the whole thing. I asked Solas if it was possible at one point and he smiled, but shook his head. The ugly cabin stayed standing and I carried its image with me.

Audrey and I were both quiet for the rest of the day as was our party. It seemed no one was very inclined to talk. Varric tried at first, telling a few stories, but after awhile even he fell silent. When we broke camp that evening it felt robotic, each person going to the task they were most familiar with. The others grew more talkative around dinner, tracing over the map. We were about day and a half ride from the Inquisition camp, two days from the Crossroads and Mother Giselle. I poked at my broth as I listened, not feeling my appetite tonight. Audrey sat next to me, unusually quiet still but with no diminished love for food as her bowl was empty in seconds.

A shadow fell over me and I looked up to see Solas.

“It is time for the evening’s lesson,” he said softly.

I closed my eyes and saw the cabin there. “I don’t think I can tonight.”

“It is necessary,” he replied firmly. I opened my eyes and stared up at him. His face was still impassive as usual, but there was a warmth to his gaze tonight that made me understand. Sighing, Audrey and I followed him until he had led us a good few feet away from the camp; the fire just a small prick of light between the trees now.

He started a small blaze of his own and then turned to face us. “We will begin with something a little different tonight. A meditative technique. As I have mentioned before and am sure you are aware, your emotions affect your magic. Both in your ability to cast as well as your experience in the Fade. Tonight, we shall practice clearing our minds and re-centering our focus. Please, be seated.”

I took a seat, cross-legged and opposite of him and the let the soothing intonation of his voice instruct and guide me. It was much like the meditation I had practiced in the few yoga classes I had taken and the breathing exercises I had done at home. A control of exhaling and inhaling to create a clear channel. I saw the cabin at first. Black and burning, but he spoke and I listened and soon I had tucked it away. Hidden the horror of what I had seen today, but remembered the emotions. The need to protect others and prevent events like that from happening again. I felt much better by the time he had us open our eyes and begin the real lesson.

We practiced moving things with the force of our mind again, but we extended it. Instead of pushing on just one direction, we now pushed in two. Anchoring ourselves by pushing backwards with the same force we pushed forwards with in order to move objects or people that weighed more than we did. Since Audrey and I were roughly the same size we had to practice pushing Solas. A daunting task considering the fact that I kept imagining my hands pressing against his actual chest, but I managed it eventually as did Audrey.

The camp was subdued when we returned and since there was no promise of games or conversation Audrey went straight to bed. I knew I should as well since I had 2nd watch tonight, but my fears of tomorrow held me captive. The cabin today was proof that we were entering into the area of infighting between mages and templars and I worried about what I would encounter tomorrow as we only traveled deeper into it. I was ready to fight now, but still terrified of killing.

One by one my other companions disappeared into their tents until it was just Solas and I by the fire. After a few moments he came to stand near me, folding his arms behind him.“You should seek some rest as well. We are safe here for the night and I have set wards up as an extra precaution. Trust me, I will wake you for your shift.”

I hugged my knees and stared deeper into the fire. “I know, I-, just not yet.”

He didn’t prompt me to speak any further and after a few seconds took a seat beside me.

He was silent for a moment and then I felt his presence envelope me. That deep space feeling that was his; that made me feel small and large all in the same moment and weightless, utterly weightless. I raised my head to see him looking at me with concern and I froze under the sudden scrutiny, superbly aware that it was only him and I by the fire. I wanted to tell him that I knew then. That I knew who he truly was and what he was going to do, but I looked down instead, working my throat back into action. This wasn’t the time for that reveal. He would bolt.

“Solas,” I said after a time. “In one of our earlier talks you mentioned that spirits are pulled through the rift against their will and that process of being forced across corrupts them. Twisted against their nature they appear as demons and attack us. Does that mean that if we were able to push them back through the rift they would revert to their natural state?”

“Ah, lethallan no,” he said and my head whipped back up to stare at him. I could feel my ears twitching I was so unsure if I had heard him correctly. Lethallan. Friend, was it? It was the first time he had called me such. Whatever the word meant, it was not intended to be a momentous declaration of any sort apparently for he continued on as normal

“Sadly, once twisted a spirit cannot reclaim its former temper. They understand only how to reflect, not create. They come into being with a certain purpose and when left alone in the Fade seek nothing outside that role. When they are wretched into our world by the rifts it is essentially a shock to them. Overwhelmed by our reality they turn violent and mad, all control and personality they once possessed is lost. Many associate this behavior with all spirits, but in truth those that actively seek to use or harm mages are the minority; very few have the wish to manipulate you into possession and most spirits are content to remain in the Fade.”

The light of the campfire danced over us, making our shadows meet and part like star-crossed lovers. I put my chin between my hands and watched them.

“So since spirits naturally reflect this world,” I said thoughtfully, “ is it really the shock of coming through against their will or because of the abundance of negative emotions in this world that causes them to become twisted? The fact that we expect them to be demons? And if there were more positive emotions then would spirits retain their original purpose and personality? But then would what happen to spirits who represent negative values, would they be twisted?”

“Yes, every spirit has the potential to be altered. Due to the state of our reality we normally observe a spirit to demonic change, but theoretically Pride could become Wisdom; Despair could become Hope; Fear could become Valor and so on,” he answered and I could see him watching me with interest “May I ask what brought on this line of questioning?”

“Regret,” I replied and turned my head. He let me have the moments I needed and waited patiently until I was ready to go on. “I’m not a fighter as you know. I’ve never had to kill anyone before and I don’t want to either, but I know it’s something I’m going to have to do, to defend myself or to protect others or to prevent future harm, whatever the reasons are I’m sure I’m going to have to take life sometime during this venture. Many times probably and I’m not sure how to deal with that. I believe most of us are good and that we fight for causes we believe are right. They may be selfish sometimes like wanting to protect our family or our land, but I feel very few are fighting just to cause pain. It's hard knowing that I will be responsible for taking someone’s life who is feeling just as scared and vulnerable as I am, but fighting nonetheless because of what they are trying to protect. I feel the same thing when I think about the demons I’ve killed. They were dragged here against their will and have become twisted in fear. Our world did this to them, but instead of trying to help them we kill them. They are afraid and lost and it’s all our fault and instead of trying to help them change like we would a person, we just destroy them. I regret what I’ve done and I regret what I’m going to do. Tomorrow there will be more battles and more deaths. I only hope I am always acting for the best reasons.”

I pressed my face into my hands and took a deep breath. I shouldn’t have let all of that come out. He had burdens of his own and instead of helping him I was pretending that mine were greater somehow. He had been forced to take life too. What was it that he said? The healer always has the bloodiest hands.

I dropped my hands and looked at him finally. “Sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking telling you all that. Please forgive me, you’ve already been so helpful with instructing me and accompanying us and I didn’t mean to add to your concerns.” Standing up, I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and sent him a smile. “I should probably let you enjoy some peace for the evening now. Good night.”

“Lethallan,” he said softly and I froze again, eyes locking onto his. His presence still sat around me like a blanket but I could feel the black holes in it now, pulling at me. Emotional weights of what? Sadness? Disappointment? Anger? “You should not be the one apologizing. It is no mistake or burden of yours that put you into the position you are now in. It is I who should be apologizing. I am sorry that I cannot do more to help you other than listen and understand what it is like to live with regrets even when you acted with the best intentions. Please know my words are not empty when I say that I will help you in every way I can. Even if it is simply listening to what troubles you.”

He stood and the movement made me remember to breathe again, snapping whatever cord had been growing there between us and showing me that a world beyond him still existed. I smiled at him and he returned it.

“Thank you,” I almost giggled. The adrenaline of that emotionally charged moment catching up to me. I felt better though, that I had talked to him. Refreshed and flushed despite the challenges I would face tomorrow.

We stood silently before the fire. He did not urge me to retire and I did not offer too. Some unspoken word between us that we would finish it out together.

“I met someone,” I said after a few minutes and he looked at me curiously. “In the Fade. I met the wisp.”

His usual polite smile widened as did his eyes. “Oh? How?”

I told him about my dream then. How the wisp had approached me after I had greeted it and how it had followed me throughout the landscapes as I explored them and even opened up doorways that I had previously missed. It led to a discussion of things we had both seen in the Fade as well as his own encounters with some of the spirits there and a reaffirmation that I was not feeling watched nor had I yet encountered any other presence there and before I knew it it was almost the end of my watch shift. Even though we fell silent after that he stayed with me until it was time to wake Audrey for hers. I saw a small smile on his lips as he bent to enter his own tent and I felt my heart rise again at the sight.

“Audrey. Audrey, wake up,” I cooed, slipping into the opening of her tent and shaking her still form.

She sat up, staring groggy eyed at me. “What’re you so happy about?” she slurred. “Was that Solas I heard earlier?”

I shook my head in sympathy. “You gonna be ok tonight?”

Nodding, she yawned and as she moved to get dressed I closed the flap and retreated to my own tent. Curled into my bedroll I checked one last time for the presence of Solas and then drifted off to sleep.