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Chapter Text

Chapter Text

“For my part, I know nothing with any certainty, but that the sight of the stars makes me dream.”
-Vincent Van Gogh

In Atlanta, on the hottest day of August 2227, Leonard Horatio McCoy entered the world in quite the usual way. His granddaddy always said that he coulda fried an egg on the sidewalk the day Leo was born, the second child and only son born to David and Loretta McCoy. From the moment of his birth, he was adored, cherished, pampered. He was smart as a whip, the apple of his father’s eye.

In his kindergarten year, right after they came back to school after winter break, Leo remembered teachers weeping in the halls and the news feeds being full of a handsome blonde man. When he asked his daddy about him, David told him that the man had been very brave to give his crew and family time to escape and saved 800 lives. The handsome man had a little baby named Jim that he never got to meet. When David mentioned that, Loretta sobbed in the kitchen. They didn’t talk about the Kelvin anymore after that.

At first, Leo wanted to be a vet but a high school volunteering stint with the Decatur paramedics changed that. He helped deliver a baby in a rainstorm on the side of the Perimeter. And from that moment on, Leo wanted to be a doctor, like his daddy. He initially planned to be a pediatrician but then, once he got to medical school, his talented hands got him into the surgery program.

He met Pamela Branch at a party. Tall, thin, brunette, she was classy, lovely, and smart. Leo was smitten instantly. He didn’t question it when she wanted to get married, seeking only a Mrs. Degree from her time at UMiss. After he graduated from medical school and started his residency, they bought a house in Buckhead, which she loved decorating with antiques and hosting lively parties. He worked so hard to pay for it all that he never saw it.

Their life was perfect, except for their inability to get pregnant. They’d just come home from their first fertility counseling appointment when his mom called with news of his dad’s cancer diagnosis. Leo became a man possessed—his twin goals to save his father and present him with a grandchild. They conceived three times but never got farther than eight weeks along. His father wasted away and finally, Leo gave in, gave him the help to the other side that he’d begged for. After it was over and he’d pronounced his own father dead, he went home, intending to find comfort in Pamela’s arms, only to find her comforting the next door neighbor.

Leo stood at the bedroom door, staring at the writhing couple on the bed, before he just turned around and walked out. He found a bar and barely ever left, quitting his job at the hospital, before he killed someone when he was too drunk to operate. Eventually, he signed the paperwork his divorce lawyers presented, ignoring their counsel about what a bad idea it was, how he was giving up too much to Pamela. She’d already taken all he had anyway so what did the money matter? The day after the papers were signed he boarded a bus, destination: anywhere other than here.

His credits ran out in Riverside, Iowa. He’d spent enough time in bars by then that he took over as barkeep. And he likely would still be there, pulling taps for the locals and creating frothy concoctions for the visiting cadets, had he not struck up a lunchtime conversation with Christopher Pike.

“That’s my ship, the Enterprise.” As he sat at the bar munching on his greasy burger and fries, Pike showed Leo a holo of the ship being built in dry dock, flipping through the snapshots, reminding Leo of nothing more than a proud parent.

“Lovely.” Leo answered automatically, barely glancing at the holos.

“You ever been up in the black?”

“Nope. And never intend on it either.”

“Aviaphobic?” Leo nodded. “So, what’s your story, Len?”

“I’m just a broken down barkeep in this backwater.” Leo—who went by Len here at the bar--smiled, though it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Everyone’s got a story.” And perhaps it was just Pike’s friendly face or maybe it was because Christopher Pike was the first person to ask the question since Leo arrived in town ten days before, Leo told him.

“A surgeon? You’re wasted as a bartender. Why don’t you enlist in Starfleet?”

“Enlist? You guys must be way down on your recruiting quota for the month.” Leo laughed, a hard, harsh, bitter sound. “And haven’t I just said that I’m afraid to die in something that flies?”

“Simple enough fix for that. Don’t die.” Pike smiled at him and outlined all he could expect from a career with Starfleet. He hooked Leo’s interest when he mentioned Starfleet’s medical research capabilities but Leo remained noncommittal. When his shift ended at four, he turned things over to the bar owner. “It was quiet.”

“Doubt it’ll be quiet tonight. That Kirk brat’s back in town.” At Leo’s blank look, he said “Local fuck-up. Been out of town these past few months. Can’t wait until he finds out Shelby’s been steppin’ out on him.”

Leo bought two bottles of their cheapest bourbon and made his way to his crappy room at the Shipyard motel. The hotel overflowed with cadets in their blood red uniforms; music, chatter, laughter spilling from every room. They all seemed impossibly young. Lying on his back in the cramped, cinder-block hotel room, staring at the spreading brown water spot on the ceiling, Leo tried to imagined himself as one of them. He couldn’t quite get the image to form, like a holograph gone wrong.

For one thing, he was too old. He had a decade on most cadets. He’d not only already graduated college but also medical school. Still, Pike said he wasn’t too old to enlist as a doctor and he’d be out in three years. From there, his possibilities were as infinite as the stars. He sighed, no closer to a decision than when he’d left the bar, and slugged back some bourbon before picking up his PADD to read before bed.

That night, he dreamt of his father. Not his father as he’d last seen him, gasping, frail, weak on a hospital biobed, begging for the dosage of sedative that would end his misery. Instead, he saw his hale and hearty father as he’d been when Leo was young. He swung Leo up in his arms, pointing out the constellations, the Big Dipper, Orion with his three stars in his belt, Virgo, the constellation under which Leo had been born on that scorching August day. When he woke at dawn, on his 28th birthday, Leo wiped tears from his eyes and got up to pack.

* * *

Jim boarded the shuttle, relief in the aftermath of a decision filling him. He made decisions instinctively—always a leap before looking type of guy. But he usually knew immediately if it was the right decision. If not, he always felt like he’d swallowed a boulder. If so, he got the happy, floaty feeling that he had now.

He found a seat, flirted with the lovely Uhura again—he really needed to get that first name—and then a ruckus attracted his always mercurial attention. The flight attendant dragged a scruffy guy out of the bathroom. The dark haired guy, dressed in a battered green army jacket and the ugliest sweater Jim had ever seen, dropped into the seat next to him, greeting him with: “I may throw up on ya.”

Is this guy lost? Does he know he’s on a Starfleet shuttle?

“I think these things are pretty safe.” Jim reassured him before glancing around the cabin. Why did he have to sit next to the crazy guy?

He looked back at him, catching an enticing whiff of bourbon underlaid with lime and bay rum. The guy continued ranting, albeit poetically. Underneath the scruffy, he was quite handsome with midnight hair, full, lush lips, and green eyes flecked with gold, amber, and honey accents. Jim enjoyed the slow, Southern way he drawled too.

“I hate to break it to you but Starfleet operates in space.” Jim finally broke into the man’s monologue.

“I got no where else to go. The ex-wife took the whole damn planet in the divorce.” So the guy was single. Not that it mattered. Much.

The man uncapped a silver flask, twisting it open with his long fingers. He took a swig and then offered the slim flask to Jim. The bourbon slid, warm and comforting, down his throat. In turn, he offered the man his name, dreading the inevitable questions that hearing his last name provoked. The man didn’t seem to recognize it though. Perhaps he was too drunk to make the connection.

“McCoy. Leonard McCoy.” He didn’t look like a Leonard though. Leo? Len? A line the man had said earlier spooled through Jim’s mind “All I got left is my Bones.”

And that’s how Leonard McCoy became Bones forever after.

Chapter Text

At the Academy, Jim joined a thin line of other new cadets disembarking from a series of shuttles, most of them still dressed in civilian clothes, thus standing out clearly against the sea of wine colored uniforms around them. Captain Pike escorted them to the induction center, keeping up a lively commentary the whole time. Jim glanced around the pretty, sunshine filled campus of Starfleet Academy with interest. He’d never been farther West than Denver, on a long ago high school skiing trip, and found the bright cheerfulness of California reassuring. They entered a chrome and white hall with long tables set up for processing and Bones disappeared into the crowd.

“I understand you were recruited by Captain Pike?” A tall, thin cadet with wispy blonde hair materialized at Jim’s elbow, speaking in a clipped, posh British accent. “Admiral Marcus himself recruited me. Had his eye on me for ages, he said. I’m Gary Mitchell, sophomore cadet.”

Jim shook his hand but didn’t offer his name in return. The man continued his monologue, “Well, don’t let it get to you that it was Pike who got you in. You can distance yourself from him now that you’re here.”

“Distance myself?”

“Pike’s considered a bit of a maverick, you know. Always finding strays on every away mission. Like that guy,” Here, Mitchell paused to point discreetly at Bones who, Jim was devoutly thankful, was looking the other way. He really wasn’t up for another curmudgeonly rant. “I heard that guy was a bartender.”

“Actually, he’s one of Atlanta’s finest trauma surgeons.” Well, on the shuttle, Bones had said he was from a suburb of Atlanta and that he was a ER doctor specializing in trauma, later mentioning some operation he’d done. Jim assumed he would be pretty good to interest Pike…so it wasn’t precisely a lie. More like a different version of the truth.

“Really?” Mitchell looked skeptical. “If you say so. Anyway, I daresay you won’t have any trouble distinguishing yourself—son of George and Winona, after all.”

With a glance at Jim’s face, Mitchell must have realized he’d overstepped. “So, just go straight through there for uniform fittings and all that. See you back at the loft, roomie. Vespers are at 5 sharp. Hope you don’t mind a little tipple. We usually entertain the up and comers each Friday. Can’t start getting to know our competition too early. Classes start on Monday so we’ll need to pack in our R&R this weekend.”

“Unbelievable.” Jim muttered as Mitchell swaggered away. He dashed over to the young ensign manning the room assignments chart. “I think I need to switch rooms.”

“I’m sorry, Cadet Kirk, but as you’ve enrolled so late, most cadets are already paired up. See, there’s only a few names on the singles list so…I’m sure you’ll like rooming with Cadet Mitchell. He’s top of every class.”

“Not for long.” Jim muttered. He glanced down at the singles room list and recognized only one name. “Could you put me with Bones?”

“Who?”

“Doctor Leonard McCoy.”

“He’s a graduate student and therefore, entitled to a single room.”

“What’s your name?” Jim shot the ensign his patented melt-your-panties grin and watched, amused, as a blush crept up the poor boy’s neck.

“Doyle. Kevin Doyle.”

“Kevin, Doctor McCoy and I are very good friends from back home. And as I’m planning to do this track in 3 years, I’m practically a graduate student too. I’m sure Christopher—Pike—that is, would approve.”

* * *

Leonard dumped his burgundy polyester cadet uniforms on the eye-wateringly orange couch before making himself an icepack in the tiny kitchenette and collapsing on his unmade bed. Damn, these singles were narrow. Much narrower than the California King he’d shared with Pamela. He adjusted the icepack over his eyes and ordered himself not to think about his ex-wife or his life before or how far he’d fallen to get here, to a cramped Starfleet dorm room.

His head pounded dully and his stomach churned with acid. If only he’d checked in with Starfleet Medical, he could have hyposprayed himself out of his misery. Still, he’d made it through the hell of shuttle flight. That was farther than he thought he’d get. Leonard dozed off only to awake with a jolt when Jim burst into the dorm room an hour later, laden with his uniforms and gear. “Hey, Bones!”

Leonard lifted his head off the pillow, knocking the mostly melted icepack onto his chest, and tried to focus his bleary eyes. The youngster looked familiar and Leonard didn’t have the heart to be too savage to him on their first day. “Think you got the wrong room, kiddo.”

“Nope. They’ll be by in a few to bring my bed. We’re roomies!” The kid dumped his gear on top of Leonard’s stuff as Leonard struggled into a sitting position, pulling the melting ice pack off his chest.

“I’m a graduate student. I get a single.”

“I think they have a few more cadets than they bargained for this year. We’ll have to double up, Bones.” Why does this brash, sunshiney kid keep calling him Bones?

Leonard opened his mouth to argue against the room arrangement but the door buzzer interrupted him. “That’s probably my bed now.” Jim opened the door to find Christopher Pike standing there, a bulging black duffel bag in his hands.

“Welcome to the Academy, Cadet Kirk. I noticed that you didn’t bring a bag with you so I brought you a few things. And my wife would like you to join us for dinner this Sunday. Around 4?” He glanced around the room and, spotting Bones, sitting on the bed with his head in his hands, leaned closer. “I thought you were supposed to be rooming with Gary Mitchell.”

“Nah. Bones and I will get along much better, sir.” Jim whispered back.

Pike glanced from Leonard back to Jim, a half-grin on his face. “Yes, I believe you might be right. See you both for dinner.”

“So, Bones, tell me about yourself.” Jim said after Pike left, sorting through the pile of clothes on the sofa and the duffel bag from Pike. Leonard groaned and flopped back on the bed, shifting his melted icepack over his face. To his very great surprise, Jim brought him a fresh one, seamlessly switching out the icepacks, before starting to organize his clothes in the single chest of drawers.

“Name’s Leonard, kid.”

“Yeah, but you see, you don’t look like a Leonard, Bones. I’m Jim, by the way, in case you forgot. We met on the shuttle. So, are you hungry? Want to head to the mess hall?”

Jim spent two nights bunking on the couch before pestering someone into cramming another single into the bedroom nook, giving them a scant two feet of space between their beds. Jim also did all the work of organizing their room, chattering brightly all the while and only occasionally expecting a response from Leonard. He had to admit that it was helpful to have the kid around. They spent their first weekend together, getting to know the Academy, finding their classrooms, arranging their textbooks on their PADDs. Despite the six year age difference, they got along surprisingly well.

On Sunday, they dressed in their civvies—Jim in jeans and a blue plaid flannel shirt over a heathered gray t-shirt and Bones in pressed khakis and a soft forest colored pullover—and bought flowers and wine at the commissary. They made their way across campus to Pike’s house.

“I hate this. My mind always freezes up when I have to do small talk.”

“You talk to me.”

“You never shut up. I listen. It’s different.”

“You must have talked to Pike to get here.” Jim pointed out, reasonably.

“Yeah, but I was tending bar. Gave me something to do.”

“Why was a trauma surgeon tending bar?”

“Long story, kid.”

As they waited for Pike’s lovely wife, Jennifer, to put the finishing touches on the Sunday roast, they admired the wall of holo-pictures in the living room. Jim found one of a much younger Pike, probably about Jim’s age, with his arm around a handsome Indian man. “Is this you at the Academy?”

“Yes, that’s me and my first husband, Naveen. He died on the Kelvin. That’s why I made it my graduate thesis. Look, here’s one of me and your dad. We were friends—and rivals a bit—at the Academy.” Pike handed the framed holo to Jim as Bones peeked over his shoulder. Pike stood next to a man who resembled Jim, their arms flung around each other on what looked like graduation day, beaming smiles as they faced their bright futures.

“Your dad was George Kirk…the Kelvin?” Jim glanced away from the holo to look at him.

“Yep, that’s me, the Kelvin baby.” Jim said, in an overly bright, cheerful tone. “You’re the first person in years not to make the connection immediately. Usually people get it when they hear my last name.”

“I was a bit drunk at the time.” Bones said, defensively. Jim rolled his eyes and looked back at the holo. Bones wondered why Jim hadn’t mentioned it before now—the kid certainly talked enough—but he understood not wanting to be associated with that type of gruesome, reflected fame. When Jennifer called them to the table, Pike pressed the holo into Jim’s hands. “Keep it, son.”

Later that night, Bones watched Jim carefully place the holo on the small shelf above his bed, as though it was his most treasured possession. But then, he glanced at his own shelf containing a holo of him and a smiling David McCoy, on the day Bones graduated from medical school. Bones understood wanting to make a ghost proud.

Chapter Text

The morning after their dinner with the Pike family, Jim and Bones headed to their first Academy class, officially called Academy Orientation 101, and the only one they had together that semester. That first morning, they stumbled through the chilly pre-dawn air to the quad where they, along with a motley collection of other late recruits, assembled. The other plebes completed their bootcamp over the summer but, because Bones and Jim, along with a handful of others missed that, they got to spend every morning of their first eight weeks with…

“Cupcake?” Jim asked and Bones glanced over.

“You know him?” He jerked his chin at the instructor and Jim shrugged, edging over to stand in the shadows behind Bones, keeping his head down. Even in the gray dawn half-light, Jim’s blonde hair shone like a beacon.

“Welcome to bootcamp, plebes! I’m Cadet Hanlon. Your other instructors are Cadets Finnegan and Ryan.” He gestured at two burly guys next to him, neither of whom seemed to possess much of a neck. “We’ll be spending every morning together for the next eight weeks. Has anyone explained the points system to you yet?”

Bones read about the infantile point system in their introductory packets. According to the paperwork, each cadet earned points as rewards for various achievements. The cadet with the most points at graduation got to chose their own assignment. Of course, just as one could earn points, one could easily lose them. Since Bones wanted a nice stationary assignment in medical research, he didn’t care about the dumbass point system. But Jim did. The kid seemed obsessed with finishing in three years and swore up and down he’d be commissioned as a Captain. Bones would just be happy not to flunk out.

“Hey, you?” Bones rose from a leisurely stretch and jolted with surprise to see Hanlon pointing at him. “Name?”

“McCoy.”

“Who told you to start stretching, McCoy?”

“My medical degree.”

Jim moaned from behind him, “Please don’t provoke this guy, Bones. Please.”

“Drop and give me twenty.”

“Twenty what?”

“BONES!” Jim hissed.

“Make it thirty. Push-ups, McCoy.”

Bones huffed out a sigh and dropped to the ground. He completed four push-ups before he noticed Jim next to him on the ground, also doing push-ups. “Jim, what are…”

“You!” Hanlon snapped from above them, as Bones continued to press smoothly through the punishment. “What are you doing here, barfly?”

“Pike recruited me.” Jim said, as they finished their fifteenth pushup together. Halfway there. Bones’ biceps burned with exertion and sweat dripped down his face to puddle in the grass below him. He must be more out of shape than he thought. Jim didn’t even seem slightly winded and Bones hated him just the tiniest bit.

“No way.”

“Come on, Bones. Just eight more.” Jim muttered, under his breath as Bones gasped and struggled to push himself up, his arms shaking from the exertion.

“Hanlon, you know who he is?” If Bones hadn’t been watching Jim, he’d never have noticed the slight hitch on the downstroke that Ryan’s words caused. “He’s George Kirk’s kid.”

Jim bit his lip but just kept pressing. Only a few more. “Well, not all of us can be legacy kids.” Hanlon said, snidely. “In my class, you’ll have to earn my respect, barfly. Just be glad I’m not taking any points from you this morning.”

Bones pressed out his last push up and flopped to the grass, face-down, chest heaving. Jim bounced to his feet beside him and dragged Bones to a standing position. Jim’s jaw was set and his eyes flashed but he didn’t rise to their bait and Hanlon started the class. Every day, they started at zero dark thirty and watched the sun rise during their morning jogs around campus. Boot camp stripped a layer of fat from their civilian bodies, sculpting their stomach muscles and arms.

Jim quickly beat out Gary Mitchell to land at the top of every class and at the head of the plebe points. Bones wasn’t surprised that Jim, by mid-semester, possessed more than double the points of the second plebe. As for Bones, he could not care less about these infantile games and would gladly have donated all his points to Jim if he could.

By mid-October, Jim’s reputation as the rising campus superstar was assured as Bones fell into the trusty sidekick role. He didn’t really mind his satellite status, preferring not to be in the spotlight. Jim would always be the more extroverted, outgoing one, while Bones would always be more reserved, quiet, and introverted. Jim’s easygoing, sunny personality attracted people to him. His gruesome reflected glory from his dad’s death only burnished the patina. Within a few weeks, he seemed to know every other person on campus. At first, Bones thought it was just the ladies but Jim also knew a fair amount of men too.

So far, Bones had stayed relatively dry at the Academy. His course load and medbay weekend shifts just didn’t allow time for drinking and the attendant hangover, even if he could hypo himself well. Jim occasionally went out drinking and blowing off steam but Bones’ classmates seemed too young for him to party with. The end of their bootcamp hell coincided nicely with the conclusion of mid-terms so Jim talked Bones into a celebratory drink.

That evening, Jim dragged him off-campus to the adjacent street of bars. They walked for a while, passing several inviting looking pubs and restaurants before stopping in front of a squat, gray industrial building, with little architectural flair. The flashing neon sign above it proclaimed it the “Purple Squirrel” complete with a rather sexual rendering of two acorns. Bones glanced at Jim, eyebrows raised.

“We’re going here? What was wrong with the other decent looking places?”

“The Purple Squirrel has the best dance floor.” Jim answered, over his shoulder as he strode toward the entrance.

“I don’t dance, kid.”

“Everybody dances at the Purple Squirrel, Bones.”

“Not me, kid.”

They walked into the club. A sleek chrome bar lined one wall backed by mirrors that reflected the flashing lights of the wide, spacious dance floor. Beyond the dance floor, small booths and tables lined the rear and side walls. Bones edged the dance floor behind Jim, who snagged two stools near the far end of the bar, and ordered them beers.

“This place doesn’t have bourbon?” Bones demanded, still glancing around uncomfortably. The Purple Squirrel wasn’t really his type of place—too loud, too young, and too much dancing. Jim changed their order and, after toasting their success in bootcamp, they slugged down their drinks. After he ordered their second round, Jim nudged him.

“That’s Uhura.” He pointed to a girl about halfway down the bar with a lovely smile and a long, dark ponytail, in spirited conversation with an Orion girl next to her. Jim had confided the whole story of his meeting Uhura and Cupcake and his subsequent recruitment by Pike. Bones knew Jim was still desperate to find out Uhura’s first name. He’d honestly thought Jim’d been making her up—a figment of his overheated imagination—this whole time.

Jim slid off his bar stool and approached the two girls. Bones couldn’t hear what they said but he would bet that Jim offered to buy them a drink. The lovely Uhura shot him down and turned away but appeared to be overridden by her Orion friend. Uhura’s scowl matched his own as they followed Jim down to their end of the bar. Bones gallantly offered them their seats.

“Bones, this is Gaila and…”

“Uhura.” The girl smiled at him, tightlipped, and, smirking, Jim turned away to place more drink orders.

“Nyota…” Gaila began and Bones raised his eyebrows as she grabbed the Orion girl’s arm and whispered to her.

“Bones is an unusual name.” Uhura said, when she noticed Bones watching them.

“Jim’s being stupid. It’s Leonard McCoy. Leo.” He shook hands with both girls and then stepped back to lean against the wall. Gaila asked Jim to dance and he and Uhura watched them undulate on the dance floor for a bit. “Don’t worry. Your first name is safe with me.”

She flashed her lovely smile at him and said, “It’s very nice to meet you, Leo.”

They chatted for a few moments about classes and life at the Academy before she left to join another group of young looking friends. For all she was lovely, Bones didn’t feel a flicker of interest. Still bruised from the divorce, he guessed. When Jim returned from the dance floor, he stripped off his shirt to indulge in body shots with the lovely Gaila. Bones took that as his cue to return to the dorms. He’d been young once, a long time ago, and just didn’t have the patience for bar hijinks anymore. He pretended to enjoy having their dorm room to himself all night long.

Chapter Text

Their first year at the Academy, Halloween fell on a Saturday. And Bones, being a newbie at Starfleet Medical, pulled a twelve hour overnight shift so most of his colleagues could attend the infamous annual Starfleet Academy Halloween bash. By all accounts, it was the social event of the year and Bones was thrilled to be missing it. He spent most of the day sleeping to prepare for what would surely be a difficult shift. Near sunset, he woke up and stumbled to the tiny bathroom to be confronted by Jim dressed as…

“Are you wearing eyeliner?” Bones rasped and Jim, startled, jerked and smeared the makeup he’d been applying. He’d slicked his golden hair into spikes and wore his battered leather jacket over a black shirt, dark jeans, and boots.

“Damnit, Bones!” Jim said and Bones chuckled. “That’s my line, kid. Going out with Gaila?”

“Yeah, figured we’d check out this Halloween bash. Maybe hit the Purple Squirrel.”

“She your girlfriend now?” Bones yawned and scratched his ribs, stretching his arms above his head, pulling on the top of the doorframe.

“She’s a girl and a friend. We have fun but…” Jim shrugged, dabbing at his eye with a washcloth. “I’m sure you remember what it was like at my age.”

“At your age, I’d already celebrated my second wedding anniversary.” Bones said, yawning, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the doorframe. “You gonna be much longer? I gotta get ready for my shift.”

“Second wedding anniversary?” Jim gaped at him, the eyeliner running in a dark river down his cheek, and then did the math. “You got married at 21?”

“Twenty.” Bones corrected. “I got married in June and turned twenty-one in August.”

“Wow.” Jim breathed, still struggling to remove the eyeliner he’d smeared. Bones took pity on him and turned him around to face him at the sink, standing between Jim’s legs. He dampened a washcloth and swiped at the mess under Jim’s electric blue eyes, reddened a bit now from struggling with the makeup. After he’d removed most of the smeared stuff, he picked up the pencil and expertly applied the dark eyeliner.

“Don’t look at me like that, kid. Maybe I had a raging Goth period in my youth.”

“I honestly cannot imagine you as a misspent youth. Eagle Scout, that I can see.” Jim rolled his eyes and Bones cuffed him lightly on the side of the head.

“Stay still, infant!” He fussed with the eyeliner a bit more, ensuring it was even on both sides. “There you go, kid. Who’re you supposed to be?”

“Kennex from Almost Human. Undercover look.”

“Turn up the collar on your jacket then.” Bones pushed Jim out of the bathroom. “Have fun. Stay out of trouble, kiddo.”

* * *

Contrary to Bones’ fears, Halloween turned out to be deadly dull at Starfleet Medical until the paramedics rushed in at three am. The duty nurse woke Bones and he rushed toward the hover-stretcher, still rubbing sleep from his eyes. Blood shielded the unconscious man’s face but Bones recognized that golden blonde hair instantly, even slicked into Kennex spikes.

“Jim?” He whispered, running a hand through his hair and pulling it back tacky with blood. His roommate had a six-inch laceration at his hairline and a mild concussion—a bottle to the skull? Had Jim been in a bar fight? Thankfully, the blood loss made it look much worse than it actually was. As the nurses cleaned the blood from Jim’s handsome face, Bones repaired the laceration quickly and staunched the worst of the bleeding.

With the nurses help, he carefully pulled Jim’s beloved black leather jacket off him and removed his t-shirt, revealing the sculpted chest beneath. Bones noticed some odd puncture marks and old pink scarring along Jim’s upper shoulders. Though shallow, the scars didn’t seem to have been treated by modern medicine but instead left to heal-badly- on their own. From living with Jim, Bones knew that these scars weren’t visible except under the bright lights of the sickbay. What could have made wounds like that? Bones glanced at the tiny dotted scars across Jim’s cheeks. Though he’d never seen it in person, he thought they might be acne scars. Why hadn’t Jim received basic medical treatment as a teen?

Jim had told Bones the story of how, because of his brother’s mocking, four year old Jim had removed the training wheels from his new red bike the day after Santa brought it. He proudly considered the scar on his chin worth it. Maybe he took pride in these other scars as well? The scar on his chin probably was the result of an accident but the rest of these marks looked deliberate. When Jim finally opened those lagoon blue eyes, Bones was fixing his broken collarbone, still pondering the scarring, not sure they are close enough friends for him to just ask outright.

“What on earth happened, Jimmy?”

“At the Purple Squirrel, Mitchell was harassing Hannah Pike. Grabbing her and scaring her. He followed her to the restroom and I caught up with them in the hallway before it got too far.” Jim shrugged and then winced.

“Stay still! Hannah’s only 15. What’s she doing in a bar?”

“She was there dancing with her friends. Fake ID, Bones.” Jim tried to smile, opening the cut on his lip further, causing blood to trickle sluggishly down his chin. “Didn’t you have one at her age?”

“No, what would I have wanted with a fake ID?”

“Straight arrow.” Jim laughed and then winced again, hunching over to protect his ribs.

“Damnit, Jim! Your ribs too?”

Bones trailed his fingers over Jim’s ribs, noting some rigid scars beneath his fingertips. Gently, he helped Jim to turn onto his side and noticed the scarring on his back as well—thin pale pink stripes over his shoulders and back—whip marks. Unlike the puncture wounds on his front, someone had attempted to heal these marks—just not skillfully or well. He’d like to board the next shuttle to Iowa and murder Jim’s stepfather. Swallowing down his rage, forcing himself to be cool and professional, Bones administered a pain blocking hypospray and carefully healed Jim’s three broken ribs.

“Where’s Hannah now?” Bones asked, instead of asking the questions he’d like to ask about the marks all over Jim.

“Don’t worry. I got her safe into a cab. Then, Mitchell and his little bastard cronies, including that awful Finnegan, started on me.”

“You just gotta make an enemy?” Bones sighed, running the osteo-regenerator over Jim’s ribs. “Kid, I get that you want to be a star but any reason you gotta be a supernova?”

“Mitchell’s just bitter because we’re not besties. He tried, our first day at the Academy, but I’d rather have you.” Jim scowled at the memory.

“Just can’t do it the easy way, can you, kiddo? Finnegan’s an instructor. We’ll have him next semester in our combat course. And you just embarrassed him by beating him up in public.”

“Relax, Bones. I’ll just do it again in class.”

“And who’s going to patch you up then, kid?”

“You are.”

“God help me.”

* * *

Jim didn’t know if it was because of San Francisco’s more temperate weather or just that he was busy every second of the day, but he barely noticed when fall arrived. He and Bones were invited to celebrate Thanksgiving with the Pike family.

“Not too many people celebrate Thanksgiving anymore.” Bones said, when Jim relayed the invitation, in their dorm as they devoured a pizza together during a study break, about a week before the holiday.

“It reminds me of my Grammie Kirk. I used to help her bake the pies and we’d wait all day for the turkey to cook. The whole house would smell great. After she died, we didn’t celebrate it too much. What’d you all do for the holiday?”

“Nothing I can ever recall. Nothing special anyway. Both my parents were practicing doctors and neither of them cooked so…” Bones shrugged. “I do recall hitchhiking to New York City one year to see that old-fashioned parade. I must have been about 16—maybe 17. I didn’t see a single balloon because I had my head in a trash can. First time I got drunk.”

“That’s a festive holiday story.” Jim rolled his eyes. “I like the concept behind this holiday though.”

“Mass genocide of native people?”

“No, I mean being grateful for your blessings and all that. I’m not religious or anything but…I like the concept of gratitude.” Jim glanced at Bones—number one item on Jim Kirk’s list of things to be thankful for right there. Not that he’d go all mushy and tell Bones that. He smiled at Bones before wolfing down another slice of pepperoni pie and hitting the books again.

Chris Pike had long been a passionate recruiter for Starfleet. It was one of the many reasons they’d made him Captain of the still-being-built flagship. He and Jennifer welcomed all his “orphans” as he called them to Thanksgiving dinner every year. There were over fifty attendees—so many that they ended up eating on picnic tables set up on the lawn, with a sweeping view of the north bay. Though the breeze was a tad chilly, the sun sparkled invitingly on the water throughout the afternoon. As the sun dipped low toward the bay, fairy lights glowed in the trees, giving the whole gathering an air of magical warmth.

The Pike’s only child, Hannah, slipped into a seat next to Jim, flipping her long, straight blonde hair over her shoulders and giving him a tentative smile. “I’m glad to see you’re ok.”

“Bones fixed me right up.” Jim shrugged, indicating Bones with a wave of his fork.

“Thanks for not telling my dad.”

“I’ll have to if I see you there again. But you let me or Bones here know if Mitchell gives you any more trouble, k?” Jim said, shoveling in pie. She blushed and nodded, slipping away in the crowd.

“Maybe you should mention to Chris that she take some self-defense classes?” Bones suggested, in a low voice, and Jim nodded. Even though Chris was somehow responsible for every person present being in Starfleet, the fact that George Kirk had been Chris’s best friend gave Jim a special bond with him. Chris had even let Jim into his second-year command class and Jim always made it a point to study hardest for that one. Chris seemed to thrive on letting people prove themselves and be their best selves. When he’d remarked on it to him one day, over lunch, Chris smiled at Jim and said, “Learned it from an old friend.”

Bones gallantly waited until they were back in their dorm, digging into the leftover pie that Jennifer Pike had sent home with them, to tease him unmercifully about Hannah’s crush on him. Laughing, flicking whipped cream at Bones to retaliate, Jim realized that Bones was the first person to tease him like that since Sam died and enjoyed the happy warmth. Maybe Starfleet was the right decision for him after all.

Chapter Text

Leonard McCoy was a pessimist—cynical and snarky all the way to his bones. He believed that the universe would only let you find a bit of equilibrium before it smacked you down again. In retrospect, he should have seen it coming—and would have fretted over it—had he not been so busy every second of the day between classwork, shifts at medbay, and living with a energetic maniac of a roommate.

The latest slap from the universe used Jim as an unwitting participant but, in Bones’ experience, the universe was a crafty old bitch who would use whatever tools were at hand. He’d been sitting at his desk, studying for his xenobiology final, like the good little Starfleet cadet he was. Jim careened into the room, shedding shoes, PADDs, and uniform as he crossed the room to their bunks. He dropped a package on Bones’ desk before dashing past to dig fresh—or at least fresh-ish clothes out of his laundry basket.

Bones hadn’t ordered anything so he glanced at the return address. His stomach clenched, swooping down to land by his knees. His mother’s address. Speaking of crafty old bitches. He slit the box open and peeked inside to see…no, he couldn’t look at it right now. Too painful. He might crack and actually cry in front of Jim. He stood, knocking his chair to the floor with a clatter, as he moved toward the door, interrupting Jim’s never-ending monologue.

“I’m going for a drink.”

“Great! I’ll come too.” Jim shoved his narrow feet into boat shoes and hurried out after Bones. Bones didn’t really want company but he knew explaining that to Jim would take too long and the fragile knot of tears in his throat would loosen if he stopped. He had to get out of this claustrophobic dorm room before he ended up under his desk, weeping. He strode out of the campus gates and directly into the first bar on the street—a faux pub nightmare of a tourist trap. But, it was the first place that sold booze and that was Bones’ only requirement for a drinking establishment at the moment. He walked straight to the gleaming hardwood bar and ordered a double. Jim kept up a steady stream of conversation that Bones ignored as he slugged down the two fingers of bourbon and then downed Jim’s drink too.

“Slow down, Bones.” Jim paused in his monologue about his pursuit of the lovely Uhura’s name. “Did something happen? Something at work?”

Bone shook his head—if only it were that simple-- and ordered another drink. Jim grabbed his wrist. “You’ve had two drinks in ten minutes. What the hell is going on?”

“Don’t have to nursemaid me, Jimmy.” Bones grabbed his drink with his free hand and slugged it back.

“Have you had any dinner?” Bones shook his head. He hadn’t even had lunch. He wiped tears from the corner of his eyes with the heel of his palms, hoping Jim would mistake them for the whiskey burn.

“What was in the box, Bones?” Jim whispered, now holding both Bones’ wrists in a loose grip but effectively preventing him from ordering a fourth drink. Damned interfering nosy kid.

“Nothing important.” Bones pressed his lips together and tried to tug his wrists away. He glared at Jim but he simply raised his eyebrow at him and waited. Bones sighed. He’d learned in four months that no one on earth could do persistent like Jim Kirk. Like a dog with a bone that boy.

“Just some Christmas decorations.” Jim released his wrists and Bones promptly ordered another bourbon. The bartender glanced at Jim but served Bones the fourth drink. “If he cuts me off, we’ll just go to…”

“How about we get something to eat and you can tell me what set you off about some Christmas decorations?”

“How about you mind your own damn business?” Bones said, but without heat. Jim simply waited. “Fine. Since I never met anyone that is as persistent and nosy as you—which is saying something since I grew up in Georgia where the matrons take persistent and nosy to art forms—my mama sent me my ornaments.”

He stared at the bar, lost in memories of Christmas and Georgia, his sisters, Daddy… well, that was the crux of it, wasn’t it? His mama wasn’t ever gonna forgive him for that. He’d orphaned himself. He and his mama had never been close, not like he’d been with Daddy. She would also deeply disapprove of her only son’s choice to enlist with Starfleet. But he did miss Molly and Jenny.

“We all had them.” Bones said, quietly. “My sisters and me. Every Christmas, we got a new ornament, something to do with our lives that year. And then, when we had our own houses, we’d have them as a starter kit for our own trees.”

Molly’s daughter, Joanie, would be nearly one now and Bones would miss her first Christmas. He wondered what she’d get for her first ornament. He sipped his drink to swallow the wash of tears at the back of his throat.

“That’s a nice tradition.” Jim said. “Did your ex-wife give them back or something?”

“She did. One of the few things I got in the divorce.”

“Other than your bones, you mean?” Jim smiled at him and Bones shrugged. Pamela had hated the raggedy ornaments, preferring to have a themed tree that looked like it came out of a holo-catalog. Hell, it probably had. She’d never let him put his ornaments out.

“So, how come your mom sent them now?”

Bones pressed his lips together and shook his head, staring into the amber depths of the whiskey. “It’s a message.”

“A message?”

“Means I’m not welcome at home any more.” Bones eyes filled and he glanced away. Jim patted his arm.

“Because you joined Starfleet?” Bones shook his head, pressing his lips together even more firmly. It might be best to let Jim think that his mama’s disapproval of Starfleet was the reason he was estranged from them. He certainly couldn’t tell him the truth. He couldn’t bear to have Jim think less of him, to lose his only friend.

“Come on, Bones. Let’s go get a tree.”

“A tree?” Bones echoed. Jim Kirk never once failed to surprise him.

“So we can put up your ornaments.” Jim answered slowly. Bones shook his head. No way did he want that Pandora’s box opened tonight or any other night. He might just dump them all into the recycler. It wasn’t like he’d have little ones to pass the collection on to and he couldn’t imagine ever wanting to celebrate Christmas on his own. “Nope, come on. I want to see what ornaments were important to a baby Bones.”

Jim dragged him off the barstool, paid the tab, and pulled him out into the rapidly cooling, foggy night, in search of the perfect tree.

“No one has a live tree any more.” Bones protested, staggering a bit but generally holding his liquor better than Jim did. Jim flung an arm around his shoulders and Bones placed an answering arm around him. Watch it, Leo. Pamela always complained he got handsy when he was drunk.

“We did in Iowa.”

“That’s because that’s what you have in Iowa. Trees and sky and corn mazes…”

“The corn mazes are generally a Halloween thing. I got my first kiss in a corn maze when I was 12.”

“Ha! I was 11.” Bones snickered. So he’d beaten the great sex god, Jim Kirk, at something.

“Doesn’t count if it’s your cousin, Bonesy.”

“Wasn’t my cousin! She was a Georgia peach.” Bones protested, waving his hands for emphasis, overbalancing and nearly toppling into the gutter. Jim propped him up. “What were we talking about?”

“I want a live tree.” Jim said, stubbornly. “Even if I have to fly home to Iowa and cut it down myself.”

“Can’t we just get a artificial one? Probably against the rules to have one in the dorm anyway.”

In the end, Jim managed to find them a small, vaguely pine looking shrub and drag it back to the dorm room. He stopped for lights. After another brief argument with Bones over tinsel (Bones against and Jim for—Bones emerged victorious), they made their way back to the dorm room, Bones requiring Jim’s steady guidance.

Jim dumped him down on his bunk and Bones flopped back like a rag doll, the four bourbons he’d slugged down on his empty stomach beginning to affect him. He still wanted to cry and also possibly throw up. He might do that when the room stopped twirling. Jim secured the tree on their coffee table and strung the lights, bathing the room in a cheery glow. Bones blinked at the colors, the alcohol starting to relax him. He barely listened to Jim’s continuing commentary on each ornament.

The first one he dug out was a rocking horse emblazoned with “Baby’s First Christmas, 2227” on it. Bones thought of Molly stealing it as a prop for her dollhouse and smiled. Maybe he could get in touch with Molly—send a Christmas gift to baby Joanie at least. Just because his mother wouldn’t forgive him didn’t mean Molly couldn’t. “So you’re six years older than me! You’ll turn 29 next year. Last year of your twenties, old man.”

“Jeez, Jim. Thanks for reminding me.” Bones shook his head, crossed his legs at the ankle, and closed his eyes, debating about contacting Molly. There was little point in contacting Jenny. They’d never gotten along even as kids. She’d been as close to their mother as he’d been to their daddy so Jenny nearly certainly would side with mama…but Molly…His baby sister. He loved her so much and missed her dreadfully.

“Do not fall asleep. Oh, look here’s a little box of crayons.”

“Grammie gave that to me when I was 5. I loved to color and draw back then.” Bones smiled. Grammie always hung his artwork on the fridge and made a big fuss over any accomplishment. Everyone should be so lucky to have a Grammie like he’d had.

“Do you still?” Bones shrugged. He hadn’t drawn in years but he did like it, when he’d had time. “So, did you get to pick out your ornament or did your mom chose them?”

“She chose when we were little. But we picked them out as we got older.” Bones answered. He glanced at the tiny caduceus in Jim’s hand, dated from 2243. He’d picked that one out the year he’d delivered a baby on the Perimeter—the year he’d known he’d be a doctor. “You knew you’d be a doctor when you were 16?”

Bones nodded. “Actually, younger than that. My daddy was a doctor and my gramps too. Just following along.”

“An ice cream sundae?” Jim held another ornament up.

“It’s a banana split. Daddy would take us out for a treat whenever we did something he was really proud of.” Too late, Bones remembered that Jim’s daddy never got the chance to celebrate Jim’s accomplishments. Jim pressed his lips together and glanced back in the box. Bones wanted to say something kind but Jim wasn’t the only cowboy here with daddy issues.

Jim filled out the tree with multiple ornaments including a soccer ball, a cartoon character he could no longer name, and a hover-cycle. Jim pulled the last ornament out and gaped at the bridal couple, dated 2248. “Was she twenty also?”

“She was 25 at the time. Didn’t want to wait.” Bones raised his head to glance at the tree.

“Looks nice, Jimmy.” Before, he’d only ever seen his ornaments clumped with his sisters—a lifetime of memories on the tree. The little tree looked different—sparse—with just his life displayed on it.

“We just need a topper. I think I have something that might work.” Jim crossed to his desk and pulled out a roughly hewn metal starship. He wrapped some lights around it to secure it at the top of the tree.

“Is that a salt shaker?” Bones asked, puzzled.

“Yeah. It’s from the Shipyard Bar where I met Pike.” The same place he’d been tending bar when he’d met Pike. Both he and Jim started from the same place. Maybe that’s why they were such good friends.

After flipping on some holiday music, Jim crawled into his bunk and ordered the room lights off. They both watched the colored lights flicker on the ceiling for a while before Bones whispered, “Thanks, Jim.”

Chapter Text

Finals week. How had it gotten to be finals week? Somehow, without Jim really noticing the passage of time, he’d finished his first semester at the Academy. He thought of the morning he’d boarded the shuttle from Riverside, carelessly giving away the only thing he owned. That punk kid in the bloody shirt hadn’t believed he’d make it a month at the Academy and now, here he was, about to take his finals and leading in the plebe points—at least until exams were over. Each day, the campus seemed to get emptier as cadets that completed their exams left for the holiday season.

“You goin’ home for the holidays?” Bones asked late one night before flopping onto his stomach on his mattress, burying his head in his pillow, still fully dressed down to his shoes. Poor Bones still worked shifts at the med center, in addition to taking his finals. Even though he took less classes than Jim, his friend was strained to the breaking point. Jim didn’t like the tired, purple bruises under his eyes and the way his shoulders drooped when Bones thought Jim wasn’t looking. He knew that he looked no better though. Such was the horror of exam week.

“No home to go to, Bonesy.” Jim answered. “Can I borrow your xenobiology notes?”

“What’d you need my xeno notes for?”

“So I can pass the test and not have to take the class.”

“Good luck with that, kiddo.” Bones rolled over and fumbled around on the floor before he tossed his PADD to Jim. He then leaned back, propped on his elbow, to peer owlishly over at Jim. “What do you mean by no home?”

Jim stared down at the PADD, carefully flipping through the class outline so he didn’t have to look up at Bones. “My mom is up in the black. I never want to see her husband again. And Sam—my brother-- died ten years ago.”

“I thought you had a farm in Iowa.”

“My mom does. Frank—her husband—lives there and grows wheat.” Jim rolled his eyes, not really wanting to think of Frank there tilling the Kirk land, the land that had belonged to his family since the days of the covered wagons. Tiberius would be rolling in his grave. Jim pushed the thought aside as there was nothing he could do about it. “How about you? Going home to see your family?”

“My dad’s gone. My mom and sisters…we’re not close.” Bones gestured toward their small tree. Jim liked the tree—it was homey and festive and sort of crooked and weird. It was a good tree for him and Bones.

“So, we’ll be orphans for Christmas then. Just want to stay here?” Jim glanced at Bones from under his lashes, pretending to still be reading the notes. He hadn’t been much for Christmas in years. In fact, he’d spent the preceding Christmas in the Riverside jail drunk tank so anything would be an improvement.

“Sounds good. We can catch a holovid on Christmas.” Jim shrugged his agreement, not wanting Bones to see his relief. Bones rolled over and fell instantly asleep.

Both of them knew they could have gotten invitations to celebrate with the Pike family for the holidays. But, through some unspoken agreement, they decided not to mention that they were staying. The dorms emptied out after exams with almost all the cadets rushing home to see their families. Jim and Bones enjoyed the peace and quiet.

On Christmas Eve, they sat next to each other in companionable silence, eating their biggest Chinese food feast yet, the only illumination in the room from the soft glow of their tiny tree.

“Did you all ever drive around and look at Christmas lights?” Bones asked, glancing at the tiny tree.

“Sometimes. I think Riverside was more rural than…”

“Marietta. Yeah, it’s pretty suburban. My parents lived in the same neighborhood since before I was born. It’s like a small town. Everyone knows everyone. And everyone goes all out for Christmas. Used to help my daddy with the lights every year.” Bones sounded nearly wistful about it.

“We could go walk around the neighborhoods here for a bit. Check out the lights. We can watch our vids when we get back.” They’d decided to have a Harry Potter marathon followed by a Doctor Who festival. Jim had never see either classic vid but Bones, who grew up with a classic vid enthusiast for a father, loved both, insisting that Jim would like them.

They spent the Christmas Eve twilight and early evening walking around, enjoying the festive, glowing holiday displays. San Francisco in winter was usually cold, foggy, and generally miserable but that evening was unseasonably warm, clear, and balmy. Jim glanced up to see the stars peek through the velvety night, idly looking for the three stars in Orion’s belt, when a sickening crunch and high, thin scream pierced the night air.

Disoriented, Jim glanced around. Bones already ran towards a girl laying crumpled in the intersection. She looked dusky to Jim in the gathering dark and it wasn’t until he got close that he realized she was Andorian. Bones knelt next to her, assessing her vitals. He glanced up at Jim and spoke in a calm, clear voice, with the ring of command beneath it.

“Call the rescue squad. Tell them low speed impact, Andorian female, looks to be about 18. Possible leg fractures and internal bleeding.”

With shaking hands, Jim flipped open his communicator and babbled the information Bones spit out. He gave the dispatcher their location and then dropped to his knees next to Bones.

“What else do you need me to do?”

“Keep people back.”

As Jim stood, the Andorian girl stirred under Bones’ competent hands. “I’m Doctor McCoy. Can you tell me your name?” Bones spoke in a gentle, soothing voice, quite unlike his usual gruff, grumpy tones. “Yes, I know it hurts. Hear the sirens? They are coming to help you.”

The ambulance pulled up to the scene and the medics hopped out. “McCoy!”

“Hey, Rashi. Malia.” Bones nodded in greeting and Jim realized that, of course, Bones would know them from his shifts at the medbay. “She got hit by that cab over there. Going about 25. Possible fractured hip and leg. May have internal damage. She’s moving her arms well and is responsive.” As Bones spoke, he assisted the medics to place the girl on the hover-stretcher and inserted an IV. After he boarded the ambulance, he turned to Jim. “Jim, stay and give the accident report. Tell the cops where to find me. I need to go with her for treatment.”

Jim nodded and the ambulance sped away. He spoke to the cops and then walked home. Though he’d known Bones was a doctor—he was fond of reminding everyone—and he’d even been his patient himself several times, tonight was the first time he’d witnessed Bones go into full, competent doctor mode. He was amazing, so gentle and assured. Jim glanced back up at the stars and a thought hit him out of the blue: When I’m Captain, Bones will be my CMO.

The instant the thought came to him, Jim felt a sense of peace, of rightness. Of course, that was how it was supposed to be. Jim would be the Captain. Bones would be his equal, his Chief Medical Officer. Together, they would sail the stars. And, somehow, Jim knew they’d have the Enterprise someday. From the moment he’d seen her in Riverside, she was his. Much like Bones had been his from the first moment on the shuttle.

Much later, past midnight, Bones returned to the dorm, dressed in clean blue scrubs, his hair still damp from his post-op shower. When the door swished open, Jim sat up in bed, where he hadn’t been able to sleep.

“How is she?”

“Took five hours of surgery to repair her hip. She’ll have months of PT. But, I think she’ll walk again.”

“Course she will. She had you as her doctor.” Bones grunted and flopped onto his bed, too tired to change clothes. When he started snoring softly, Jim rose from his bunk. He removed Bones’ shoes and tossed a blanket over his friend. He patted his shoulder and said, “Rest up, Mr. CMO. Merry Christmas.”

The rest of their holidays were uneventful. Bones didn’t have shifts at the medbay, though he did go check on the Andorian girl several times. They just spent a week relaxing together, only changing out of pajamas for food runs. They slept, read, watched movies together, chatted, played cards and board games. When the heat went out on New Year’s Eve, they piled onto the sofa, buried in blankets, sharing warmth, though either would have faced down a squad of angry Klingons before naming this snuggling. On New Year’s Day, they were still buried under their mountain of blankets, both dozing, when their comms pinged.

“It’s our new schedules. What classes do we have together, Bonesy?”

“Combat. I have Finnegan.” Bones looked up at Jim, worry in his eyes, biting his lower lip.

“Me too. Same section. We’ll be ok. What can he do to us in front of everyone?”

Bones shook his head, “I don’t want to know, kid.” He glanced down at the schedule. “I have something called Shuttle Simulations. What the hell is that?”

“Probably flight simulations in a shuttle. I’m just guessing.” Jim laughed at the incredulous horror on Bones’ face.

Bones peered over at Jim’s schedule. “How are you going to take 12 classes? You got some sort of Hermione Granger timey-wimey thing?”

“Relax, Bones. I got this.” Jim patted his shoulder. “What’s the next episode on Doctor Who?”

Chapter Text

“So, you coming to my birthday party?” The day after New Year’s, Jim charged back into the room after classes, erupting into the room like a tornado, as he always did, and carelessly interrupting Bones work on his neural grafting research proposal.

“Your birthday party? I didn’t figure…I mean, with Remembrance Day and all…” Bones stammered awkwardly, leaning back from the desk to look at Jim.

“Fuck that noise. You think I’m not going to celebrate my birthday because of some crazy ass Romulan?”

And it’s the day your dad died. Bones thought but didn’t say.

“When I was a kid, I’d have the biggest party on the block. My grammie Kirk was in charge of it. That woman knew how to throw a party. She’d make me all my favorite foods, special treat bags for all my friends, the works. It was something. She’d make me the best birthday pie.” Jim struggled out of his cadet reds and, in only his underwear, rummaged through his laundry basket for casual clothes.

Bones glanced away, shifting in the uncomfortable desk chair. Being a doctor, he should be totally comfortable with the human form but Jim’s easy nudity always made him look away. Perhaps it was a vestige of intimacy from his marriage, seeing someone naked at home, outside of a medical setting.

“You mean cake?”

“I hate cake. All that frosting. Yuck! My grammie always made me an apple pie for my birthday. She even could cut the apples into roses before she’d bake it. It was amazing. I was nine when she died but I still remember the taste of her apple pie.” Jim smiled wistfully. Bones noticed that he didn’t mention his mother or brother at all. Though he wondered at it, Bones knew what it was like to have estranged family members and tactfully did not mention it.

“So, is this party going to be in the dorm?” Bones asked, with no tiny amount of trepidation. Jim knew most of the campus. He couldn’t see how they’d all fit into their cramped dorm room.

“I got the Purple Squirrel for Saturday night.”

“Where’d you get the credits for that?”

“Starfleet trust fund baby over here!” Bones blinked. He’d never thought about it but that did make sense. Jim would have a trust fund with all that happened to him. God knew, Starfleet owed him big time. “What’d you all do for your birthday on the plantation?”

“We do not have plantations. Or at least not in the last 400 years or so, since that pyromanic Sherman marched through. And my birthday is in August. Atlanta in August is Satan’s sauna. We mostly hid inside for my birthday and ate ice cream and foods that did not require any cooking.”

“That sounds fun.” Jim said, dubiously, laying down on his bed and picking up a PADD. “Anyway, I’m going to send out a campus announcement. This will be an epic party.”

“Nothing I love more than an epic party.” Bones groaned.

“You are a stick in the mud. And boring. It’s a good thing I got matched up with you to be your roommate. Otherwise you’d be like a geriatric shut-in.”

“Won’t you need a lot of food and alcohol and…”

“Details are boring.”

“Details are boring?” Bones echoed. “You ever throw a party this big before?”

“No.” Bones stared at him as Jim grinned. “Have you?”

“I planned several conferences in medical school…”

“This is a party not a boring conference! There isn’t going to be a keynote speaker at my birthday party!”

“Let me tell you one thing, kid. You do not want to run out of booze and food at an event like this. Leads to some very cranky people. Trust me.”

“I just wanted to get everyone together. You know, have fun. The Purple Squirrel has plenty of booze.”

“Free booze with no food—on empty stomachs—is a recipe for disaster. I’ll just have my colleagues at Starfleet Medical stand outside and wait for the alcohol poisoning cases, shall I?” Jim chewed his lip and tapped his fingers on his long thighs. Bones took pity on him. “Tell you what. Give me a budget and I’ll handle the food. It’ll be your present.”

“You’d do that for me, Bonesy?” Jim smiled at him, brilliant and bright. Bones grinned back, helpless in the face of his sunny, infectious enthusiasm.

“Now, fill me in. How many people…”

Jim’s party did not actually fall on Remembrance Day and, instead, fell on the first weekend after winter term started. Bones traded shifts and called in favors so he could spend the entire day gathering the food for the event. He’d watched Pamela arrange enough parties to be able to craft a menu with ease—mostly light finger foods and appetizers, enough to fill people’s stomachs so the copious amounts of alcohol wouldn’t have too much of an impact. Though he searched all through San Francisco, he couldn’t find a rose apple pie as Jim described. Instead, he purchased 23 different varieties of apple pie—everything from plain old apple to caramel toffee apple pie. He figured that way everyone could have dessert and Jim could pick the one he liked the best.

Gaila, dragging a very reluctant Nyota, showed up mid-day. They worked together to put up the decorations—streamers, balloons, confetti shooters. The kid really had gone all out. By seven o’clock, the first guests came trickling in and by nine, Bones was certain they were breaking multiple fire codes. He abstained from drinking and kept a weather eye on the food levels and the general atmosphere. He leaned against the bar, tapping his foot to the music, and watched Jim out there dancing among the crowd. He seemed to know everyone on campus and they were all in this incredibly hot room.

Jim danced among the flashing, twinkling lights, as though he were his own personal starship of one. Finally, it came time for dessert and Gaila helped Bones light the candles in the plain apple pie. He tried to give it to her to carry over to Jim but she shook her head.

“I think he would prefer his doctor to do it.” She walked at his elbow though. Jim stood on the opposite side of a long dining table, laden with all the varieties of pie Bones had found. Jim’s chest was still heaving from his exertions on the dance floor but he smiled as Bones strode up to him with the blazing dessert. And Bones had the sudden thought that he might be in real trouble here of an emotional entanglement that he’d never imagined or wanted in his life again. But, he pushed the thought away. Standing there with a pie on fire in your arms was not the moment for emotional realizations.

“Blow out the candles, kiddo, before the sprinklers come on.” Bones groused.

“Nuh-uh, Bones. Gotta sing first.” Bones rolled his eyes and led the bar in a chorus of Happy Birthday. Jim smiled at him, never breaking eye contact as he bent down and blew out the candles. Bones watched that pouty mouth get all the candles in one blow and realized he was already in way too deep, over his head, and sinking fast. He handed off the pie-cutting duties to Gaila and bolted for the bar, downing several shots of bourbon to push away the uncomfortable realization. He and Jim were just friends. Nothing more.

Jim appeared at his elbow, with a plate laden down with various types of apple pie. “I think I like this caramel one the best. But it might be one with the chocolate sprinkles. Here, try.” He shoved the fork towards Bones mouth and Bones, reacting on instinct took it, letting the sweetness of the apples combine with the smoky bourbon on his tongue. Jim’s eyes met his over the pie. There it was. That unnamed, unacknowledged shimmering awareness sparking between them. Bones swallowed hard, not even tasting the pie, trying to calm his racing heart. Jim smiled, “Thanks for all the pies, Bonesy. You got me one for each year.”

“Couldn’t find a rose one, like you described.” Bones rasped out, hoping Jim would mistake the rough tenor of his voice as due to the alcohol.

“Think that might have been a specialty of my Grammie. Seriously, Bones, you did a great job.” Here he patted Bones’ shoulder. “Thanks for the party.”

“Happy Birthday, kid.” Bones smiled at him as Gaila appeared at Jim’s elbow, glancing between them with an arched eyebrow. She pulled Jim away to the dance floor and Bones headed back to the empty dorm room to drown any inconvenient emotional reactions in work.

Chapter Text

Two weeks later, Bones staggered in the door after Shuttle Simulation 101, his pale face shiny with sweat. He toppled onto the couch next to Jim, clutching his stomach and moaning. Jim just watched, wondering if he should get a bucket like last week.

“I’m goin’ to fail this class.” Bones said, before clamping his mouth shut again. The muscles along his jawline jumped as Bones struggled not to lose his lunch like last week.

“Not on my watch.” Jim answered, grim determination in his voice. “You can’t be my CMO if you don’t get shuttle qualified.”

“Your CMO?” Bones’ forehead crumpled as he squinted at Jim before curling into a fetal position, his head resting on the opposite sofa arm.

“When I’m Captain, you’ll be my CMO.” Guess he’d forgotten to tell Bones his latest master plan. Oh well, he’d have to get over this phobia. Jim patted his knee. “You ok?”

“I don’t think I can make it aboard a starship, Jimmy. I really don’t.” Bones rolled his head back to rest on the sofa cushion, closing his eyes, sucking in deep breaths. Jim watched his hands rise and fall as Bones practiced yoga breathing. “Maybe a nice starbase. I’ll drug myself up for the ride there and they can leave me there to rot until retirement.”

“I hate to break it to you, but Starfleet operates in space. Did you not make that connection when Pike recruited you?”

“He mostly talked about the research. How I could unlock the mysteries of disease, blah, blah. It sounded better than being a broken down bartender so…” Bones flopped his hand, never opening his eyes, still breathing deeply. He might be slightly less pale than when he’d arrived. “Here I am. How’d he get you?”

“Dared me to do better than my dad.” At that, Bones opened his eyes and looked at him but Jim pressed on. “Bones, we’ve gotta get you over this. I’ll figure out a way.”

“Not one of your schemes.” Bones shook his head and then moaned.

“Bones, you think too much.”

That Saturday, Jim woke Bones at zero dark thirty. “What the hell? I don’t have a shift today.” Bones snuggled deeper into his nest of blankets, pulling his pillow over his face. Jim snatched the blankets away and yelled “Lights 100%” before peeling the pillow away. Bones blinked up from the bed and threw his hands over his face to protect from the bright lights. Jim steadfastly ignored the stirring sight of his sleepy roommate, with his t-shirt scrunched up, exposing his tanned, flat belly with an enticing narrow strip of dark hair that disappeared under his waistband.

“Get dressed. Wear civvies. Come on, Bones, it’ll be fun.”

“It’s just unforgivable that you’re a morning person.” Bones rolled out of bed and dressed, grousing all the while, “Better not be another one of your stupid we have to see this comet ideas. Where’s the coffee? What time is it? What day is it?”

“You are the grumpiest little owl when you wake up. You can have the coffee when we get where we’re going.” Jim waved a travel mug at him and then took a sip. “Mmmmm….delicious.”

“I can kill you in very creative ways. And they will never find the body.” Bones grumped as they crossed campus. Sunrise streaked peach and coral ribbons across the indigo sky as they slipped into the shuttle bay. Blearily, Bones followed him onto a shuttle. “What are we doin’?”

“Hush. Sit down and buckle up.” Jim shoved Bones into the co-pilot seat before taking his place behind the pilot’s chair.

“Are we stealin’ a shuttle?” Bones’ eyes widened and he seemed suddenly much more alert. Jim expertly started the shuttle and flew it out of the hanger doors, just as the sun peeked over the horizon. Bones clasped his hands on the seat and shut his eyes, his mouth pressing into a thin line.

“Commandeering. And open your eyes. We need to get you used to this.”

Bones swallowed repeatedly but wouldn’t open his eyes. When they dipped in a spot of turbulence, Bones clapped his hands over his face. Jim gently took them into low-earth orbit. He pulled Bones’ hand from his face, keeping one hand on his wrist, where Bones’ pulse hammered against his fingertips. He passed Bones a mug of coffee, fixed just the way his friend liked it—plenty of milk and a dash of cinnamon. “Isn’t it pretty?”

“One tiny crack…”

“Okay, you have to not think that way. Haven’t you ever been on a roller coaster?” Bones shook his head. “Never? Fine. Next stop, Disneyland. We are not returning to the hanger until you open your eyes.”

Bones turned his head toward him and opened his eyes to see Jim before slamming his lids shut again. “Nice try. Look outside.”

“I may throw up on ya.” Bones moaned, his eyes only open a crack.

“Sip your coffee. You’ll be fine.”

Bones glanced around and took a sip of coffee before resolutely focusing on his shoes, swallowing violently every so often. Jim kept his free hand on Bones’ wrist, just providing light pressure with his fingers. Bones seemed to do better with the touch anchoring him or at least his pulse slowed slightly. They spun around the globe several times, Jim admiring the view, before he took them back to the hanger. “We’re doing this every weekend day, until you’re so used to it that it won’t be a problem any more.”

“Why are you doing this?” Bones rasped, as they bumped into the hanger floor.

“Told you. I need a CMO.”

“I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you, kid.” Bones groaned.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Jim slapped his shoulders and headed out of the shuttle bay. “Let’s go grab breakfast!”

Chapter Text

Their second semester fell into a predictable pattern. They both worked like crazy and occasionally went out drinking together to blow off steam. Every weekend, no matter how drunk he’d been the night before, Jim took Bones up on another shuttle flight, determined to help Bones overcome his phobia. By mid-semester, Bones could sometimes handle looking out the window for two whole minutes at a time, with Jim’s calm, steadfast encouragement.

Despite Bones’ worries, their combat training section seemed to be going just fine. Mitchell’s cronies ignored them and Finnegan didn’t seem keen to single them out for any special instruction. They evidently felt that Jim had paid for his interference in the Hannah Pike matter with his injuries and seemed content to leave it at an uncomfortable detente.

“I heard at dinner that your command sims went well.” Bones commented, as he walked in the door after his evening class. “In fact, that was all anyone could talk about.”

Jim, sprawled on his bed, surrounded by PADDs, smiled up at him and winked. “Did ok.”

“You came in first in every sim. You got the most points of anyone in the plebe or sophomore years.” Jim nodded. “And you cost Mitchell his placement on the Endeavor this summer, kid.” Bones said, as he changed out of his cadet reds into casual clothes.

“Did I? Oh dear me, what an unintended consequence.” Jim shrugged and glanced back at the PADD propped on his knees. His eyes ached from studying already and he knew he had at least two more hours to go. He stretched his arms over his head and then rubbed his eyes, thinking of how much his life had changed in six short months.

“Good God, man! Just paint a target on your back and be done with it. Why are you so determined to get this guy to go after you?”

“Because if he’s bullying me, than he’s not going after the others.”

“What others?” Bones snapped, flopping down on his bunk and glaring at Jim. Jim knew him well enough by now to know that the glare and the attitude were a smokescreen for Bones’ constant worrying. He still wasn’t quite used to having anyone worry over him.

“The little ones, the kids not strong enough or smart enough to defend themselves against him and his cronies and their little gang. He can’t hurt me, can’t do anything worse than what’s already…” Jim pressed his lips together and shook his head. He did not want to go down that dark memory lane tonight. “Never mind.”

“Jim, I don’t understand you. I thought you just wanted to be top of the class but you provoke this guy at every turn...”

“Weren’t you the mouthy one provoking Cupcake in boot camp? Pot meet kettle. And I am top of the class. I have to be if I’m going to graduate in three years. At the end of this semester, I’ll be halfway through my sophomore credits. I’m sorry if Mitchell is put out but…”

“He’s in your way and you’re not going to back down, are you?”

“He’s a bully who is unfit for command of more than a garbage scow—him and his little cronies. When people like that get power…it never results in anything good, Bones.”

“I know I’m wasting my breath but please be careful.” Bones sighed as he picked up his own stack of PADDs and made himself comfortable on his bunk.

“I’m always careful, Bonesy.”

“You’re never careful, Jimmy.” Jim shrugged, his eyes already back on his PADD.

At their next combat training class, after the results of the sims were announced, Jim bounced on the balls of his feet warily, never letting Finnegan or Ryan out of his line of sight. McCoy partnered with a fellow med student that he sparred with often. This time, Finnegan split them up and that was when Jim actually started worrying. He didn’t like the emotion much.

“McCoy. You’re with me.” Though shorter than Bones by a good half a foot, Finnegan outweighed him by over 50 pounds, most of it muscle.

“Finny, I’ll take you on.” Jim called, blocking a punch from his partner. Bones waved him off and moved to circle around Finnegan. Jim crossed his arms over his torso, stopping his own fight to watch, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth. Bones wasn’t a bad fighter, he just wasn’t particularly aggressive. Thanks to boot camp and the half-semester they’d endured this combat class, Bones had muscles and moves. But Finnegan, possessing only a few braincells, was built for this. Both got in a few jabs but it seemed a fair fight—nothing they hadn’t seen before. The bell rang for their next class and Bones shrugged and turned away from Finnegan. Finnegan took him down with a brutal punch to the kidney and a vicious kick to the back of his knees. Bones crumpled towards the floor, just as Finnegan punched him in the nose, blood spattering everywhere.

“Never turn your back on an opponent, McCoy.” He scolded with a laugh. Jim was on his back before anyone else in the class could even blink. And Jim never fought fair. Using every bar fight skill he possessed, Jim took Finnegan down like a madman, slamming his head onto the floor by the ears. It took the combined efforts of Ryan and Bones to pull an enraged Jim off the unconscious Finnegan.

“Jim!” Bones wrapped his arms around him from behind, the blood still pouring from his nose to spatter Jim’s shoulders and chest. Jim whirled in his arms, his blue eyes stormy as he took in the damage to Bones. Bones shook his head at him before dropping to his knees next to the still, unconscious form of Finnegan and yelling for a medi-kit. Ignoring his own injuries, he stabilized Finnegan and handed him off to the medics that arrived within moments.

Jim stood, bent at the waist, in the middle of the floor, their stunned classmates still watching him. Bones gave him a brief glare and shook his head before following the stretcher. Jim stood there, sucking air in and out, burning his lungs.

“Tipped your hand there, didn’t you?” Mitchell commented. Jim hadn’t seen him come in but now recognized what had happened. Mitchell’s henchman attacked Bones instead of Jim. His brother, Sam’s, face flashed through his head and Jim straightened slowly to look Mitchell in the eyes. He would make this smarmy, British bastard pay if it was the last thing he did. “Never show your weakness, Kirk.”

“Your henchman just attacked a doctor unprovoked. That’s an expulsion.”

“Henchman? Don’t be ridiculous. And it wasn’t unprovoked. They were sparring and McCoy turned his back. Rookie mistake.” Mitchell smiled thinly.

“After the bell…”

“Finny probably didn’t hear the bell. What’s your excuse?”

“Excuse?”

“You’re the one that just attacked—from behind—an upperclassman and an instructor. Unprovoked and all. As you say, that’s an expulsion in the bag.” Mitchell smiled, cold and cool and calculating as their stunned classmates filed out. Jim headed for the hospital to check on Bones.

* * *

After Bones handed off treatment of Finnegan, who would be all right though he’d have a bad headache for a while, he headed for the front doors, thinking to look for Jim. He’d warned him this would happen but Jim just wouldn’t listen. Damned infuriating infant. As he walked out of the medbay, Christopher Pike walked in.

“Christ, you look like you went twenty rounds. You’re still bleeding! Why haven’t you seen a medic, McCoy?”

“I am a medic—a doctor, in fact. I’m fine.”

“Want to tell me what happened?”

Bones relayed the story, emphasizing that he was at fault. “I shouldn’t have turned my back. But Mitchell—“

“What does Gary Mitchell have to do with this? He’s not in that section.”

“He’s the leader of that little gang of thugs. They shouldn’t have power. They are bullies and cruel and…”

“You imagine you won’t have to deal with bullies when you’re on a starship? Or as you work your way up through Starfleet’s ranks?”

“That argument doesn’t make any sense. You’ll have to deal with bullies in the future so let’s give these assholes as much power as possible now so you can get used to being treated like dirt. Jim keeps provoking him at every turn and won’t listen.” Bones looked at Pike, swiping his still bleeding nose on his shirt. “Chris, what’s going to happen to Jim?”

“Mitchell’s pushing for an expulsion but that just makes him look bad—like it’s personal. I think I can get Jim probation but he’ll lose his points standing for the year.”

“Chris, they can’t take all those points away from Jim. I’ll give him my points. It wasn’t his fault. I shouldn’t have turned my back…”

Pike yanked him to the side and spoke in a low, intense voice. “This isn’t about points. Mitchell’s trying to expose Jim’s juvie records from Riverside.”

“Those are sealed.”

Pike closed his eyes and sighed deeply. “For such a cynic, you sure are naive, McCoy. They don’t have to admit them in court as evidence. All they have to do is publish them—make sure the info gets around. They want to discredit him, like kids playing king of the mountain in grade school. Jim’s at the top so he’s a tempting target for everyone else.”

“I don’t know that Jim will care about that.” Bones pulled at his lower lip. “Jim is determined to gradate in three years—and be commissioned as a Captain. I don’t think he much cares about his reputation.”

“He should. That reputation will affect his commission and his assignments as well as his future career.”

“This whole thing is stupid. Jim defended me.”

“Jim attacked an instructor and an upperclassman—from behind. The powers that be are not going to let that slide, no matter how good a reason he may have had.” Pike waved at Bones’ battered face. “I can get him probation or at worse suspension but he’ll lose his class standing. He will lose the points.”

“So Mitchell gets what he wants anyway.”

“Keeping Jim in the Academy is more important. It’s a compromise, McCoy.”

“That’s just a fancy way of sayin’ nobody gets what they want.”

“McCoy, honestly… you should be in the diplomacy classes. You need them.”

“If you’re trying to say that I’m a rigid, unbending, bossy asshole, well, that’s nothin’ my ex-wife wouldn’t have said.” Chris’ eyes widened and then he laughed. Bones laughed too, the tension easing a bit.

“McCoy—you got any idea what’s in those records?” Bones shook his head. “Let me handle the brass. You go talk to Jim.”

Chapter Text

After his conversation with Pike, Bones slammed out the doors of the medical center, into the bright late afternoon sunshine, considering where to go and look for Jim first. He didn’t have to look very far as Jim, still in his blood spattered workout clothes, strode toward him up the path. They stopped, staring at each other for a few seconds, wordlessly evaluating if the other was ok. Jim turned and fell into step next to him.

Without speaking, they walked to their favorite off campus liquor store. Bones bought each of them a fifth of bourbon while Jim ordered from their favorite Chinese take out place next door. Still silent, they walked back across campus, resolutely ignoring the whispers and stares their bloodstained clothing and bruised faces caused.

After they ate—again largely in silence—Bones got out his kit and treated his own injuries. His knee got anti-inflammatories and he healed his black eyes with the dermal regenerator. He considered how to ask Jim about the juvie records. Jim would likely best appreciate a head on approach. He summarized what Pike told him and asked, “What’s in the records, Jimmy?”

Jim shrugged, not meeting Bones’ eyes as he picked through the cashew chicken for stray nuts. “You may find this hard to believe but, I was a little bit of a hellion, Bones.”

“You?” Bones poured them both drinks and leaned back, waiting. Jim would tell him in his own time. Underneath his worry for Jim, Bones wondered if this would be the end of their friendship. Jim worked so hard these past few months to prove himself worthy of being at Starfleet Academy. In just a few moments, due to Bones’ stupid mistake, he’d lost everything. How could Jim ever forgive him that? They sat quietly together as the sunset streamed crimson light into the room. When the indigo of twilight fell, Jim finally spoke.

“Nothing terrible. I drove my dad’s car into a canyon when I was 12.”

“Why on earth would you do that?”

“To prevent my mother’s husband from selling it. It was my car not his.” Jim’s jaw jutted out, in that stubborn tilt Bones both loved and hated. “Underage drinking, bar fights, destruction of property, cow tipping…”

“Only you.”

“I don’t mind so much if the ones from Riverside get out. It’s nothing really bad. Mostly juvenile or drunken hijinks. I was on a first name basis with the sheriff for a while, spent a few nights in the drunk tank. But, my driving the car into the canyon got me-and my brother--sent to live with my aunt and uncle for a bit. I’d rather that part didn’t.”

“Pike said he’d gotten the stuff from Riverside so I don’t think we’ll have to worry about that.” Jim shrugged and scratched at the dried blood on his face, his split knuckles still oozing blood.

“Want me to take care of that for you?” Jim nodded and Bones retrieved his kit. He set the dermal regenerator to repair Jim’s hand, supporting his hand with his own. Jim sipped his drink, staring at the regen with fascination. Bones glanced up into Jim’s eyes, seeing a brittle hardness there.

“I’m sorry I lost you all your points, Jim.”

“You didn’t. I did it. They matter more to Mitchell than they do me. I just want to graduate in three years and they’re still giving me my credits so…” He shrugged and offered Bones a bitter smile. “No harm done.”

“It was my stupid mistake…”

“No, it was not your mistake. I mean, don’t turn your back on an opponent in a fight, Bones. We can work on that. But, it was mine for having a weakness they could exploit so easily. I forgot what it means to have people you care about.”

“What does it mean?”

“It’s like with my brother…it makes you vulnerable.”

“It does.” Bones nodded slowly, aware that his friendship with Jim might hang in the balance here. “But, without that, people end up like Mitchell and his goons.”

“Maybe.” Jim shrugged and slapped Bones’ shoulder with his free hand. “It doesn’t matter, Bones. Honestly. It’s fine. Let’s watch a holo-vid.”

Bones watched for several days but, after his uncharacteristic melancholy that first night, Jim reverted pretty quickly to his sunny, jackass ways. His run-in with Finnegan seemed to net him far more genuine popularity than he’d had previously. Before his fellow cadets seemed mostly envious of Jim’s good fortune and top of the class status. Now, with losing all his points, being on suspension, and attacking the universally detested Finnegan, Jim actually came out on top. That was the first time Bones learned that Jim, like a cat, always landed on his feet.

Chapter Text

Though Jim seemed fine in the aftermath of his fall from grace, easygoing and cheerful as ever, Bones watched him as covertly as possible. Their combat session got taken over by another TA during Finnegan’s recovery so all was well there. Jim continued to be charming to everyone but people seemed to genuinely like him much more than before. But Bones just knew that this could not be the end of it. Jim and “Gary Fucking Mitchell” hated each other far too much for things to just end.

Over a week after the Finnegan incident, Bones first heard the whispers about the sexy mugshot and his stomach sank. He didn’t have time in the middle of his shift to find out exactly what had happened but it was easy enough to guess. How could a mugshot be sexy anyway? Then he saw the academy-wide broadcast, as he glanced at his personal PADD at the nurse’s station. In black and white, a younger, thinner Jim, rolled his eyes at the camera, glanced away, and licked at his mouth. Okay, perhaps he could acknowledge that it was a tiny bit sexy, in a totally objective way. He was a doctor after all. He could appreciate the human form. Objectively.

“Someone should do something about that mouth.” One of the nurses said. Bones glanced up. She was old enough to be Jim Kirk’s grandmother!

“I know what I’d have him do with that mouth.” Her equally elderly friend nodded as Bones gaped at them. Just then, the boldest of the younger nurses came up to McCoy to ask for an introduction to his roommate. His legendary glare was enough to quash that.

Was this what it was like to be Jim? To live with a certain level of notoriety and celebrity? Just because of who you were born. Jim arrived at the Academy as the Kelvin baby, son of tragically heroic George and stoic widow Winona. Everyone expected him to coast on his tragic reputation. Probably to spite that reputation, Jim reached the top of the class through hard work, determination, and sheer grit. Still, people whispered that he was a legacy kid instead of judging him by his own merit and considerable talent. And now, everyone gossiped about all the hijinks he’d gotten up to as a kid. What must it be like to live in a constant, glaring spotlight like that? Jim must feel like a goldfish in a bowl. God, he pitied the man.

However, he knew Jim well enough by now to know that if he offered him pity, or a shoulder to cry on, he’d get coldly ignored, if not punched for his efforts. As the weeks wore on, Bones grew increasingly desperate to keep Jim out of trouble. Because of him, Jim was on probation until the end of this semester. One more mistake, one more misstep and he was out of the Academy for good. Bones took it upon himself to prevent that from happening.

It wasn’t easy.

Gary Fucking Mitchell kept up the torture by doling out just a bit of Jim’s background at a time, one delicious, gossipy morsel after the next, so that the scandal never fully died down. And each titillating story fueled even more ridiculous speculation until Bones thought the cycle would never end. Jim wasn’t sleeping well, dark purple circles blooming under his eyes. He began to look like a hunted dog, his shoulders hunched, keeping his head down. Bones missed his carefree friend.

“What I don’t get,” Bones whispered to Jim in the mess hall, “Is why the instructors don’t step in? They’re getting these announcements too. And they have to know it’s Mitchell behind it.”

“Because I asked them not to.” Jim said, a muscle in his jaw jumping. He glanced up at Bones, his blue eyes brilliant in his too thin face.

“Jim, why?” Bones asked.

“It doesn’t matter, Bones. Let him pick on me as much as he likes. He’ll get his in the end.” Jim shrugged and stood, grabbing his tray and PADDs. “See you later.”

Bones could do nothing to help his friend. He cracked one day and gave some of the worst offenders a vicious piece of his mind, which only served to fuel more rumors about “Kirk’s crazy doctor friend.” Finally, one weekend in late April, Bones decided if he couldn’t do anything about the environment on campus, the best thing to do was get Jim away. With a little help from Pike, he arranged for both of them to have a day’s leave.

Early one Saturday morning, Bones borrowed a hover-cycle and showed up at their dorm, just as their usual shuttle flight practice would have commenced. After receiving Bones’ comm message, a sleepy-eyed Jim blinked down at him from their second floor window.

“Wow, Bones, you must have gotten up at oh-dark-thirty to be up before me. Never thought you’d prefer a hover-bike to a shuttle though.”

“Come on, kid. Get your stuff and hop on. We’re going to the beach.”

Bones amused himself by making as much noise as possible as he revved the cycle up and down the tiny alley near their dorm. He hoped he ruined his fellow cadets Saturday morning sleep-in, the gossipy little twits. In moments, Jim arrived and stowed his gear. He threw a leg over the cycle and snuggled up to Bones’ back, wrapping his arms around his waist. Bones ignored the warm press of Jim against his back and the spicy citrus scent of him. He was a doctor. He could be professional.

“Helmet, Jim.” Bones chided. Jim sighed but complied.

“I get to drive us home.” Bones just laughed and shook his head. No way was he going to agree to that.

Just as dawn crested over the Bay Bridge, they headed out of San Francisco toward Santa Cruz, so that Bones could introduce Jim to the delights of the beach the way Jim had introduced him to snow. Over winter break, after Bones had mentioned that he’d never seen snow, Jim took him to experience it. In return, as they’d hiked through the cold twilight to the shuttle port, he promised Jim a trip to the seashore. They arrived at the beach just after the sun fully came up, before most beach goers arrived. Jim took off his shoes and rolled up his jeans, wading into the sand, fearless as ever.

“It’s cooler than I imagined.” Jim said to him.

“Wait until it heats up at midday. It’ll sear the soles of your feet. We’ll get you some flip-flops.” They walked along the beach, the surf tickling their toes, before finding a coffee shop to have breakfast.

“I’ve never seen you eat something so unhealthy for breakfast.” Jim said, waving his fork at Bones’ whipped creamed coated Belgian waffle.

“Even doctors get to indulge from time to time, Jim.” Bones answered, happy to see Jim smiling again.

“I’ll keep that in mind, Bonesy.”

They changed into their swim trunks in the restroom and headed out to the beach. Jim waded into the surf immediately but Bones wouldn’t go past his toes. Jim paddled around him teasing him before pulling him under. They horsed around in the surf before taking midday naps on their towels.

“Is this like the beaches back home in Georgia?” Jim asked as they lay on their stomachs, admiring the other beachgoers.

“The water’s a lot colder than Tybee Island. And the shoreline looks different, but…” Bones shrugged. “It’s similar.”

“What’s Tybee Island?”

Over a lunch of corn dogs slathered with mustard, Bones told Jim all the stories he could remember about spending summers at his grandparents house on Tybee Island. He talked about his cousins, his sisters, and even his mother without bitterness. He got quiet as he pushed around his fries, reflecting that his father had died just over a year before. How much his life had changed in a year—mostly due to his friendship with the blue-eyed devil across from him.

“Okay, Bones, now we have to build a sand castle.”

“I don’t have any beach toys.”

“We can borrow some.”

After Jim charmed some nearby kids into borrowing pails and shovels, Bones got stuck with constructing a rather lopsided sandcastle, helped only with instructions from Jim. He dug a moat around it and decorated it with beach glass and seashells. Jim beamed with pride at him, snapping a photo of the pathetic fortress on his comm. They sat next to each other on the sand, watching the sunset, knowing that they had to go back.

“Soon enough the campus will empty for the summer, it won’t be so bad then. You’ll have your independent study to keep you busy. By the fall, everyone will forget.” Bones consoled Jim as the sun dipped toward the horizon.

“As long as Mitchell doesn’t get ahold of the rest of the records…” Jim said, clasping and releasing the sand in his fists, letting the sand run from his fingers before repeating the action.

“From when you were with your aunt and uncle?” Jim nodded, his mouth a thin line as he glanced toward the sunset before resting his chin on his knees.

“Have you considered spreading them around yourself? I mean, if you take away his ammunition…”

“Look at you, talking like a command track cadet!” Jim smiled and slapped his shoulders. “My Bones! A tactician. Yes, I’ve thought of it. Believe me, those records would only make my life worse. They’d amp up the spotlight by a thousand percent. And like I said, if he’s tormenting me…”

“He’s not tormenting the others. So you let yourself be miserable…”

Jim looked at him in surprise. “I’m not miserable, Bones.”

“Jim…” Bones shook his head.

“I’m not miserable. I have you.” Jim stood and dusted off his swim trunks before extending a hand to help Bones up. “Thanks for today, Bonesy.” He flung an arm around Bones’ neck as they headed to the parking lot. “Now, about me driving home…”

Chapter Text

Their first summer at the Academy, Bones snagged a research grant and Jim stayed to finish an independent study so he could graduate in three years. Not only did this mean that they had the run of the Academy practically to themselves, they also had considerably more free time than they usually did. Bones spent most of his summer in the lab while Jim “studied” on the quad. As he told Bones, no reason he couldn’t soak up some rays while studying. Bones fussed about sunblock and skin cancer. As much as Jim wanted to ignore him, he laughed at himself as he coated himself with sunblock each morning.

Bones became obsessed with his research on neural grafting, sure he was near a breakthrough. Since he couldn’t talk Bones into taking much of a lunch break most days, Jim got in the habit of bringing Bones his lunch at the lab. Even though he didn’t understand a lot of it, Jim liked to hear Bones talk about his work and he knew Bones, grumbling as he had to explain “simple” concepts to Jim, liked it too.

“Won’t this research make you like a PhD?”

“Yeah, again.” Bones rolled his eyes, staring at the 3-D image of a neural graft on a reattached hand. It was a good thing he had a strong stomach. Most people wouldn’t be able to down their steak sub with that floating, gory hand staring him in the face.

“You already have a PhD?” Jim blinked at him in shock.

“Yep. I completed an MD and a PhD at the same time at UMiss. Guess I can do it again.” Jim shook his head. Sometimes he forgot how smart Bones was.

“You have any luck talking Pike into letting you see his thesis?”

Jim shook his head. “He says it’s classified. I think he just doesn’t want me to see it, but without it, my independent study is not very complete.”

“You just gotta pass, kid. Get the credits.” Jim nodded. “Grades don’t matter in an independent study.”

When September rolled around, they launched themselves back into another year of work. This semester, Bones had to take Medical History. Though the class sounded dull, the actual content was going over some of the things that they could expect to see and experience at the outer edges of civilization and in primitive societies. Plus, the professor, Doctor Elizabeth Dehner, was just plain hot. Blonde and willowy, she was smart and articulate. Bones had a tiny crush by the end of the first class.

Then, one sunny day in late October, Elizabeth Dehner rocked Bones’ world. That day, they were covering the devastation suffered by the Tarsus people under the dictator, Kodos. Bones, like everyone else in the room, had heard the news reports. He’d been a callow sophomore in college at the time and honestly hadn’t paid much attention to the details.

Elizabeth briefed them on the classified details of the case—starvation, population purges, torture… On the overhead, she flashed a autopsy photo of a young, blonde teenager. Bones thought, “He looks like Jim,” Just as she said, “This is Samuel. He died protecting his younger brother.”

Bones flashed to the strange puncture scars on Jim’s shoulder, the dotted scars all across his jaw, and Jim’s voice saying that his brother, Sam, died ten years ago, the records he didn’t want anyone else to see… And in a flash, he knew. Bones leapt to his feet, startling Elizabeth and his classmates, before he bolted from the room. He leaned over the nearest trash can, emptying his breakfast into it, tears mixing with the vomit.

Several moments later, as he dry heaved into the trash can, a hand clasped his upper arm. His first terrified thought was that it was Jim and he was not ready to face him. Not ready to have that conversation. No wonder he was so desperate for his time with his aunt and uncle not to come out. If Gary Fucking Mitchell ever got ahold of this…well, it would make Jim’s notoriety from being the Kelvin baby look like a picnic. He glanced up and saw Dr. Dehner standing there, a small, sympathetic smile on her face, her strange silver eyes piercing even in the bright mid-day sunshine.

“I’m sorry, Doctor McCoy. I know it’s upsetting but, if you’re going to serve on a starship, you have to know.”

Bones swiped at his burning mouth and managed, “I know one of the victims.”

“Jim Kirk.” She said, no question in her voice and McCoy’s stomach lurched at the confirmation of what he’d suspected. “I’m writing a paper on the psychological issues experienced by the Tarsus survivors. Would you like to see the report on Cadet Kirk?”

Bones knew he should say no. Knew that Jim would hate this invasion of his privacy but he nodded. She led him to her office and handed him a PADD. “I won’t be able to let you out of the room with this.”

Bones, hating himself a bit, let his curiosity get the best of him and thumbed open the electronic file. The details were a million times worse than he could have imagined. Thirteen year old Jim, the boy king of the rebels, suffered starvation, beatings, whippings, torture… What finally seemed to break him was the brutal execution of his brother in the town square, two days before the rescue ships arrived. After Bones finished reading the file, his stomach still churning, wondering what he would ever be able to say to Jim about this, she took the PADD back. “So, now that I’ve let you read that, will you have dinner with me?”

Bones glanced at her in shock. “You’re a professor.”

“And you’re the smartest medical student here. Plus, you’re nearly 30. I’d love to hear about your work with neural grafting over the summer. Rumor has it you’ve had a real breakthrough.” She smiled warmly at him. Bones nodded finally and they agreed on Friday.

“A date? You?” Jim asked, watching him get ready from the sofa. “I thought you’d taken a vow of celibacy.”

“Funny boy. It’s not a date. It’s a dinner with a colleague.”

“On a Friday night? At Citronelle? That’s a date. Who is she? Or he? Or whatever gender pronoun is appropriate for the individual species.”

“She is Doctor Elizabeth Dehner.”

“You’re dating a professor!” Jim’s eyes went huge in his face. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“She’s interested in my neural grafting research.”

“I hardly think she’d ask you to Citronelle for your neural grafting research. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“Tell me, Jim, what wouldn’t you do?” Bones paused, holding his comb in midair to glance at his roommate. He’d often wondered.

“I’ll try anything at least once. Unlike you. Monk.” Jim winked.

“Just because I’m not the space slut you pretend to be doesn’t mean that I haven’t done anything since I got to the Academy.”

“But you haven’t done anyone, am I right?” Jim cackled like an adolescent as Bones rolled his eyes.

“Infant. A gentleman never kisses and tells. But, I will say this. After coping with the insane hours in med school, we doctors are pretty good at coming to convenient arrangements.”

“No way! So that’s what you’re doing in the medbay every weekend.”

“Oh yes, it’s just a full time orgy over there in the ER. Sometimes we even have to push the patients off the biobeds so we horny doctors can go at it.” Bones laughed at Jim’s poleaxed stare. “Not really, you halfwit. Don’t wait up.”

Chapter Text

“When do I get to meet the lovely Ellen?” Jim asked, during a late night study break, just before finals. Bones had been dating the “fabulous” Doctor Dehner for over two months, spending most of his spare time with her. Jim had seen them together from afar but managed to avoid an introduction.

“Elizabeth.” Bones corrected absently. Just one reason Jim disliked her. Never Beth or Liz. Always Elizabeth.

“Whatever. Are you all spending Christmas together or…” Jim trailed off, trying not to let Bones see how important this question was to him, keeping his eyes resolutely glued to his PADD.

“She’s going home to her family for two weeks. I figured it’d be just us again, like last year.” Jim couldn’t stop the wide smile that split his face, though it dimmed a bit at Bones’ next words. “I was thinking of bringing her to your birthday party.”

“At the Purple Squirrel? That doesn’t sound her speed.”

“It’s not. She’s cultured and elegant and classy but I figure she’s gotta meet my friends sometime. Oh, and on Saturday, I need you to help me pick out a Christmas gift for her.”

“What? Why? I’ve never even met her.” Despite Bones spending every third night or so sleeping over, Jim hadn’t realized that it was serious enough to progress to Christmas gifts just yet. Was this more serious than he thought?

“I have no idea what to get her. I need your help.”

“Not sure how much help I’ll be. I’ve never purchased a gift for a significant other.”

“Never?” Bones blinked at him as he glanced up from his own PADD.

“Never had one long enough.” Jim shrugged. “What’d you buy for your ex-wife for Christmas?”

“Pamela usually made it easy for me and picked out her own present or gave me a list.”

“That’s romantic.” Jim rolled his eyes.

“It was, actually. She knew how much I hated shopping. I’ve only been dating Elizabeth a few months. And I’m not sure how serious we are. So this gift needs to be personal, but not too personal, you know?”

“No, I don’t know. What did you buy Pamela for your first Christmas together then?”

“An engagement ring.”

Jim’s jaw dropped open. “That seems quick.”

“I knew it was serious with Pamela by then so why wait?”

“And now?” Jim feigned interest in his PADD, ignoring his suddenly pounding heart. Bones seemed obsessed with impressing Elizabeth all the time and he loved to regal Jim with tales of “Elizabeth said…” And “Elizabeth thinks…” And she was a professor dating one of her own students and…Jim just didn’t like her. She just wasn’t good enough for Bones. Bones needed someone fun, someone who could shake him out of his serious, introverted, studious ways and make him laugh. Not the rigid, uptight Elizabeth.

“I like Elizabeth. But…” Bones trailed off, staring down at his own PADD, biting his lip. Jim looked up, holding back all the questions he wanted to ask. When Bones glanced back up at him, Jim could see the flecks of honey in his forest colored eyes. There it was again, the physical awareness between them, the flare of desire that they both ignored and pushed away. Against his will, Jim’s gaze dropped to Bones’ full lips before dragging back up to his eyes. Jim’s pulse kicked up a few notches. Their bunks were so close together in their tiny bedroom nook—since this had been a single room until Jim persuaded everyone otherwise—Jim could lean over and kiss him. Where did that thought come from? Must be exam stress.

“But what?” Jim finally said, hating himself a bit for wanting to know so badly.

“Not planning on a future with a white picket fence and two kids and all that.”

“But you could fall in love with her, right? I mean, like, in the future.” What was the matter with him? Shouldn’t he be happy if his best friend was happy?

“Maybe.” Bones shrugged.

“I don’t even believe that love exists.” Jim scoffed. “And you, Mr. All-I-got-left-is-my-Bones.” Jim mimicked, “I can’t believe you believe in love either.”

“My marriage ended. Badly. But…” Jim glanced at him again, curious. “My parents had that kind of love. I know it exists.”

Jim thought of his own parents, who, by all accounts had also been madly in love. And look where that had gotten everyone involved. “Whatever you say, Bones.”

“Just because you, Mr. King of the One Night Stand, haven’t experienced something doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.” Bones raked his hands through his hair, making it stand up and look adorably tousled. Jim glanced away, swallowing hard.

“Some of them are two nights. And that’s a weak argument.”

“How would you know? You’ve never stuck around long enough to have breakfast with one of your hookups…”

“I’m sure that I’ve eaten pancakes off more interesting places than you have, Bones.” Jim had no idea why Bones was pissing him off so much. Why were they arguing?

“Oh, you wanna bet, infant? I was married. I had a honeymoon. Maybe Elizabeth loves to drizzle me with…”

“Stop! Please! Have mercy, Bones.” Jim held up a hand, palm out. He could definitely not handle any descriptions of Bones and Elizabeth in bed together. The very thought gave him hives. “I’ll help you find a gift if you promise to stop talking right now. I will even recruit Gaila to help.”

Bones laughed and nodded his agreement. That Saturday night, Jim dragged Bones to the roof of their dorm to watch the stars with him as payment for making him endure the hordes of Christmas shoppers. The medical dorm sat at the edge of campus, near a park, and was one of the tallest buildings around. Whenever he was stressed, Jim took himself up there to see the stars, often dragging Bones along. They played a word association game for a while, sharing Bones’ flask full of his best bourbon, wrapped in the comforter from Jim’s bed, huddled together for warmth.

“Thanks for going with me today, kid.” Bones jostled Jim with his shoulder.

“I’m sure Elise will like the briefcase.” Jim answered.

“I know you know her name is Elizabeth.” Bones shook his head. “Here, I got you something.”

He fumbled in the pocket of his coat for a bit before dropping a tiny, square parcel onto Jim’s lap, wrapped with a bright red bow. “Christmas isn’t until next week, Bones.”

“Just open it.”

Jim unwrapped it and looked at it, puzzled.

“You got me a bell?”

“It’s your ornament for this year.”

“My ornament?”

“Yeah. To put on our tree.” Earlier that week, Jim put up the tree covered in Bones’ childhood ornaments and topped by Jim’s salt shaker starship. Jim lifted the bell out of the box and rang it gently, watching the stars and the moonlight reflected in the silver surface.

“So you liked the movie, huh?” To celebrate the end of exams, Jim had made Bones watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” just the night before. He’d watched it with his mother and brother every year as a kid.

“Still think it was dumb. What kind of idiot names their kid Zuzu?”

Jim laughed and took the flask back from Bones, leaning slightly into his side, under the blanket. Jim told himself it was for the warmth.

Chapter Text

Their second year, Jim’s birthday party was much the same as the preceding year, except that Bones thought he overdid it on the balloons and confetti streamers. Bones arranged the food, quietly convinced the bartenders to water down the drinks, and tried to contain—or at least oversee—the chaos that preparing for Jim’s birthday extravaganza required.

Early in the evening, after having set up all day, he left to have dinner with Elizabeth and escort her back to the party. By the time they arrived, the birthday party was in full swing. Bones was pretty sure they’d shattered the fire code and the health code. How could there be even more people here than last year? He pointed out Jim to Elizabeth and they watched him dance through the flashing lights like a coked up squirrel. Eventually, he spotted Bones and gave him a beaming smile before bouncing over to join them.

“Wanna dance?” Jim asked Bones, shouting above the music. Bones shook his head and rolled his eyes.

“Don’t dance, kid. Jim, I’d like you to meet Elizabeth.” Jim plastered on his best command track charming smile and shook her hand as Elizabeth surveyed him with interest. She always loved hearing Jim stories from Bones.

“Leonard, would you get me a bit more wine?” Elizabeth handed him her glass and, shrugging, Bones crossed to the bar. As he waited, he turned to see how his best friend and his girlfriend were getting along. Bones was still trying to get used to the concept of having a girlfriend at 29 years old. Still, he couldn’t deny that he and Elizabeth meshed well together, coming from similar background and lots of common interests. They made perfect sense, unlike his close friendship with Jim who was his polar opposite in both personality and disposition.

As Bones watched, Elizabeth leaned into Jim, her hand on his arm, to say something close to his ear. Jim—always in motion Jim—went preternaturally still and stiff. Jim looked up and they locked eyes from across the room before he bolted for the door. Abandoning the drink refills, Bones waded across the room to a very flustered Elizabeth. “What the hell happened?”

“I mentioned my Tarsus research project to him and…” Elizabeth patted her chignon.

“You did what?” Bones shouted.

“There’s no call to raise your voice to me, Leonard. I’ve been dying to meet him. I’ve asked you over and over to introduce us...”

And then Bones realized, with a sickening lurch of his stomach, that all their time together, she’d just been using him to get to Jim Kirk. With a glare, he rushed out the door, following Jim. He knew exactly where Jim would bolt to—the rooftop of their dorm, even though it was rainy and foggy that night. He ran across campus, his feet slapping the pavement in time to his pounding heart. After dashing up the stairs of the medical dorm, he burst onto the rooftop, seeking Jim.

But the roof was empty. Bones sucked in air through his teeth and tried to think of where else Jim would go. Just as Bones turned to check their room, Jim sat up, clearly silhouetted against the cloudy night sky, shoulders hunched, his hands crammed into the pockets of his blue jeans. Bones crossed the roof and dropped to his knees next to him.

“Jim, I’m so sorry.” He reached for Jim’s shoulder and when Jim flinched, let his hand drop back down to his side.

“How long have you known?” Jim whispered, his voice low and rough.

“Since October. There’s a class that all med students have to take—Elizabeth teaches it. I don’t think anyone else made the connection though.”

“So you know about Sam? About…”

“I know all of it, Jimmy. I’ve seen the files.” Jim’s shoulders twitched and then he laughed bitterly.

“Well, I guess I won’t have to retell it then. That’s something. I liked it there at first. Sometimes, I dream of that brief happy time. Sam and I both liked it. It got us away from Frank, my mother’s husband. At first, it was just this grand adventure in the black and then…” Jim sucked in a deep breath and glanced up at the sky. In the moonlight, his eyes glittered like stars. “Do you know what saved my life? I have blue eyes. Sam had brown. So, he was worth less, in Kodos eyes, you see?”

“Oh Jim…” Bones wanted to gather him close in his arms, to offer comfort anyway he could. Instead, he settled a hand on Jim’s shoulder and sat next to him, their hips pressed together.

“I don’t mind that you know, Bones. It’s easier. You remind me of Sam, sometimes, a little bit. The way you always take care of me first. He did that too. I bet you were a great big brother to your sisters.”

“My sisters hate me, Jimmy.” Bones said. “My mom too.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.” Jim said, shaking his head.

“I killed our daddy.” Jim whirled toward to Bones, shock written on his handsome features. “It wasn’t murder. I mean that I euthanized him.”

“Bones…” Jim reached for him and then patted his knee. He waited for Bones to continue.

“David McCoy was the last known case of pancreatic cancer. It’s a horrible disease. And just doesn’t respond to conventional treatment. He was suffering and, as a doctor, he knew what the end looked like. And…” Bones trailed off, glancing up at the remote, unforgiving sky, the pewter storm clouds obscuring the cold stars. “I finally gave in. I couldn’t watch him suffer any more.”

“But, Bones, that’s an act of mercy, a kindness…” Jim protested, gripping his forearm.

“They found the cure three months later. And, if I hadn’t, if…” Bones covered his face with his hands, not wanting Jim to see him cry.

“Bones, I get the power of the word if. I think about it a lot too. If only this one little thing changed. If my parents weren’t assigned to the Kelvin, if Sam and I hadn’t wanted to escape Frank, we’d never have ended up on Tarsus, if… It’s seductive and cruel. There is no if, no way to change it. It’s what happened.”

“My mother and sisters would disagree with you.” Bones said, resting his head on Jim’s shoulder. Jim slung an arm over his shoulder, squeezing him against his side. He’d come here to comfort his friend and instead Jim wound up comforting him. How typical. Jim cultivated the carefree, California boy image. His friend was amazingly more though. He’d really been a lucky bastard the day fate sat him down on that shuttle next to Jim Kirk.

“Fuck them, Bones. You did what you had to, for your father. That’s an act of love, Bones. And if they don’t see it that way, then that’s their loss.” Jim said, his voice hard.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I knew about Tarsus. I didn’t know how.”

“You were the first person who didn’t treat me differently because of my name.”

“I didn’t even realize who you were until we went to the Pikes and…well, by then, you were already my friend. Just Jim.”

“I’m sorry about Elizabeth.”

“I should have realized she’d use me to get to you.” When would he learn his lesson? After the disaster with Pamela, Bones knew he wasn’t cut out for love and relationships. That’s why he was here, after all.

“You seemed happy.”

Bones shrugged. “Well, then that obviously wasn’t meant to last.”

“Come on, let’s head back to my birthday party.” Jim stood and held out a hand to Bones, helping him to his feet.

The next day, he walked over to Elizabeth’s office and found Jim walking out. “What on earth are you doing here?”

Jim just shrugged and said “See you back at the dorm.”

Bones walked into the office. The sun shining on Elizabeth’s platinum blonde hair gave it a sheen like ice. How had he missed the coldness, the remoteness in her? She was beautiful, yes, but it was a cold, harsh beauty. She’d distracted him with sex and played him for a fool.

“You have a very loyal friend.” Elizabeth said, crossing her legs and giving him a cool smile.

“I do indeed. I’ve come to withdraw from your course, Doctor Dehner.”

“There’s no need. You’ll receive top marks. Your friend made that a condition of talking to me.”

“So you got what you wanted then? Your research?” Bones said, bitterly.

“I did have a lovely time with you too, Leonard.” She smiled. “There’s no reason that we have to end things.”

“You used me to get to Jim. You stay away from me and you stay away from Jim Kirk, you tremendous bitch.” Bones turned around and walked out, slamming the door on love and relationships for good.

Chapter Text

When Jim heard about the intramural Parrises Squares tournament, he signed up immediately. Now he just needed a team. Gaila agreed to play instantly and recruited her friend, Layla, too. That meant they needed a fourth. Talking Bones into it would be the most difficult challenge.

“Does Leonard even play Parrises Squares?” Gaila asked him at dinner, just a few days before the opening match.

“He did in high school. I’ve seen the picture. And the ornament.”

“Ornament?” Gaila furrowed her brow. “Like a trophy? He must be very good then.”

“Nevermind.” Jim muttered as Bones sat down across from them, giving both he and Gaila a wan smile. Since he’d spent so much time helping with Jim’s birthday party the weekend before term started, Bones had been working multiple shifts to pay back the ones he traded. Bones hadn’t been sleeping well since the Elizabeth incident either. Jim hated seeing him look so tired, knowing that he was at least partially at fault for it.

“What are ya’ll talkin’ about?” Jim smiled. Bones’ accent tended to come out when he was tired.

“The Parrises Square tournament. You’ll play with us, right, doctor?” Gaila purred at Bones. Jim rolled his eyes. So much for his subtle approach. Bones shook his head.

“Come on, doctor.” Gaila pleaded. “Jim says you’re an amazing player.”

“I haven’t played in a decade, Miss Gaila. You all fixin’ to play in the first match this weekend?”

“We just need a fourth.” Gaila said, smiling sweetly. He shook his head at her.

“Too old for that, sweetheart. Parrises is a young man’s game.” She rubbed his arm enticingly. Bones just kept eating his chicken, unmoved.

“Please, Bones. It’ll be fun. It’ll be great. You’re really good at Parrises and we need your help.” Appealing to Bones’ need to help should work much better than Gaila’s seductive attempts to persuade him. With the whole Elizabeth debacle, Bones was pretty sour on women at the moment.

Just then, Gary Fucking Mitchell wandered past the table. Mitchell spent last semester touring star bases on the Reliant. He’d only just returned a few weeks into the start of term. Too bad he hadn’t tumbled into a nice black hole while he was gone. “Playing in the intramural, Kirk? How ambitious.”

Bones glanced over his shoulder at Mitchell, eyes narrowing, and turned back to Jim. “Fine. But I don’t have time for practice.”

“Well, we’ll all be quaking in our trainers then. So much natural talent doesn’t need any practice, does it?” Mitchell sauntered away. At the same time, Jim, Bones, and Gaila said, “I hate that guy!”

* * *

At their first scrimmage, Gaila and her friend Layla made Jim go over the rules again. Dressed in bright electric blue padded uniforms, Gaila and Layla stood close together, hands loosely clasped. Bones suspected they were friends with benefits but Jim didn’t seem to care at all. Hell, for all he knew, they could all three be friends with benefits. What did he care? The three of them had been practicing Parrises Squares together all week. Bones was relying on his rusty high school gaming skills. How did he get talked into these things?

“Okay, the idea is to get the ball through the hoop and to keep the other side from doing the same.” Jim extended the bright yellow ball toward Bones.

“What are you handing me that for? I’m keeper.” Bones crossed his arms over his chest, burying his tingling fingers, resolutely not glancing at the crowd pouring into the stands. He wasn’t nervous, for heaven’s sake, even if his knees did feel liquified.

“Who said? I’m keeper.”

“No way, kid.”

Bones and Jim both grabbed the ion keeper mallet at the same time, leading to a brief, fierce wrestling match that made both girls giggle. After tickling Jim under his arms, Bones emerged rumpled but victorious.

“Cheater.”

“Infant.”

Gaila turned to Layla, “See what I mean?”

Layla nodded and laughed. Bones just shrugged and headed toward the end zone. For this first game of the tournament, almost every student at Starfleet Academy was in attendance. Pike sat in the front row among several other professors. He waved and Pike gave him a thumbs up. Well, it was nice to know they had at least one fan in the stands.

For all their lack of practice, they possessed some natural talent as Jim, Gaila, and Layla managed to keep the opposing red team shut out for the better part of the first two quarters. They also failed to score any goals themselves.

At halftime, the trouble started. “You all are doing a great job but we need a goal.” Bones pointed out to the panting, breathless threesome.

“Everyone’s a critic.” Jim snapped. Bones wondered if the catcalls and jeers from Mitchell and his cronies was getting to him. “We’re the ones running up and down that center pyramid like lunatics. You’ve just been standing in the end zone looking pretty all match.”

As Bones flushed, Gaila and Layla exchanged glances and laughed. “Fine, kid. You can stand in the end zone and look pretty. I’ll get us a goal.” Bones thrust the ion mallet into Jim’s hands and stomped away.

Jim trailed behind him, “Do you know how to play…”

“Kid, I was playing Parrises when you were still playing with your Starfleet action figures. Watch and learn how it’s done.”

“It’s not that you’re not athletic, Bones. I’m sure you are. I just always imagined…” At Bones’ glare, Jim raised his hands, palms out, and backed away. He took up his position in the end zone, not looking at all happy about it.

Jim made it through the third—still scoreless quarter—without incident. But, as the clock ticked down in the fourth, he became increasingly impatient to score, yelling suggestions and encouragement to his team. Finally, in desperation, with two minutes to go, Jim dashed out of the end zone and up the side of the pyramid. In a one-handed grab, as he still had the keeper’s mallet in the other, he snatched the yellow ball from one of the opposing team’s hands, running flat out down the opposing team’s side of the pyramid.

“TIME OUT!” Bones shouted just seconds before Jim sank the ball through the hoop with a perfect free throw. The referee shook his head from the sidelines.

“What the hell, Bones? I just scored!” Jim turned and yelled, from the base of the pyramid.

“You can’t leave the goal post unguarded. You’re playing keeper.” Bones yelled back, gesturing wildly, as the other team and the spectators laughed.

“Well, it seems none of you can score so I thought I’d help out.” Jim stomped up the stairs.

“You can’t do everything. You have to give up some control.”

“I’m the captain!” At the top of the pyramid, Bones and Jim continued their argument, nose to nose, chest to chest.

“There is no captain in Parrises.” Bones yelled back. “And you’re supposed to be the keeper!”

Just as the crowd chatter reached a lull, Pike commented to the admiral next to him, “These two don’t know whether to fight or fuck, do they?”

Heat crept up Jim’s face as he returned to the end zone. He’d just used his best trick to score and now the opposing team would be expecting it. He couldn’t repeat himself. As he watched the time-out clock tick down to zero, Jim desperately tried to formulate a plan.

Just as the clock hit ten seconds to go, he sprinted out of the end zone. The crowd noise was nearly deafening. Bones glanced around trying to figure out what the crowd was reacting to and turned just as Jim reached the top of the pyramid. They crashed into each other, sending the ball flying, and rolled down the side of the pyramid in a heap, to land in the plush, air-filled safety section. The red team leader snatched the ball and dashed down the side of the pyramid. Before Jim and Bones could even untangle themselves, the red team scored four times just as the game ended.

They struggled to their feet, both glaring at each other. Mitchell sauntered past with Ryan and Finnegan nearly directly behind him. He leaned over the safety wall and called, “Better luck next time boys!”

“Never again.” Bones snapped at Jim.

“Damn right, never again.” Jim answered as he struggled out of the safety zone. Stupid thing was like a bouncy castle. He couldn’t get his footing. “This is all your fault, Bones.”

“Explain to me how it’s my fault that you left the goalpost unguarded, Mr. Keeper-of-the-Year?”

A giggling Gaila extended a hand and helped pull Jim free of the inflatable safety wall as Layla did the same for Bones.

“I wouldn’t have left it unguarded if you’d been able to score.”

“We were working on it. We could have gone into overtime. Instead, you have to do this stupid kamikaze move—leaving our goal post vulnerable. Great job, Captain.”

“There are no Captains in Parrises Squares!” Jim hollered at his retreating back. Gaila shook her head at him.

“Eliminated in the first round. That’s just sad.” Jim muttered to himself. “I’m going to go drown myself in the showers.”

Chapter Text

Part of studying at the Academy meant all kinds of simulations—sims for short. The cadets endured emergency drills, anti-gravity drills, hostage drills and more. On top of those, Bones faced all sort of medical drills too. Then there was the big one—the drill that everyone hated and everyone—including bitter, grumpy medical cadets--had to pass. The survival course. Every year, it was in different, foreign terrain, with slightly different mission parameters. But it basically boiled down to knock out all the other two-man teams and snatch whatever annual McGuffin the instructors chose. This year, the instructors dumped them in a rainy forest, somewhere north of Seattle. Even this late in May, the place was nothing but cold and wet.

They were pushed off the shuttles with only the gear on their back, wearing skin suits that would show when they were wounded or killed. The suits could also temporarily disable a limb or restrict movement if a wound would cause massive bleeding. They had no food, no water, no supplies. They had to avoid the enemy teams, capture a Klingon shuttle, and fly it to safety.

Each team was free to make any alliance they wished but the points would be split between the winners. Jim refused to ally with anyone except Bones. He claimed this was for strategic, tactical reasons but Bones knew it was just because he refused to partner with Mitchell.

“Odd how we just happen to be facing off against Mitchell and his cronies, isn’t it, kid?” Bones asked Jim, sotto voice on the shuttle.

“Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies, Bonesy.”

“Your hacking skills again. I thought you’d gotten past this ridiculous rivalry. After the Parrises…” Bones stopped at the glare on Jim’s face. They didn’t speak of the incident, both blaming the other for their humiliating loss. “You know those other three teams united against us before we even took off.”

“So?” Jim shrugged.

“I just want to get this over with and get home by lunch. Some of us have real work to do.”

“We’ll have you back to your Gornian flu research soon enough, Bones. How many degrees are you going to get at graduation now?”

“It’s important work! Unlike this stupid…” Bones clammed up as the instructor raised an eyebrow at them.

Two hours later, Jim and Bones found themselves, in a forest, in the pouring rain, hiding from the cadets who were hunting them instead of going for the shuttle. They’d huddled in a copse of pine trees, the fallen needles cushioning them where they lay on their stomachs, the crisp scent of crushed pine needles surrounding them.

“Jimmy, why aren’t we going for the shuttle again?”

“Tactical maneuver.”

“You just want to knock Mitchell out of the running.”

“Might be a side benefit.”

Bones sighed. “Should have gotten one of your command buddies to do this with you. I’m untrained and useless.”

“Not true. If I get injured, you can fix me up.”

“Not in these crazy exoskeletons they’ve got us in.”

Jim shrugged. “Anyway, I don’t have any command buddies. I just have you.”

“That’s not true, kid. You know everyone on campus. Going to the mess hall with you is a thirty minute ordeal the way you stop and chat with everyone.”

“Just one of the things that I love about you. So friendly to everyone! And every single one of them want to see me fail at something. You’re my only actual friend, Bones.”

Bones shifted uncomfortably. Jim had the damnedest way of just blurting out truths like that sometimes, just unvarnished and plain. Bones fell somewhere in the middle of the point rankings and didn’t care. But he knew that his own self-worth was tied up in being a doctor. He also knew he was absolutely one of the best doctors in Starfleet, student or not. Just as he knew that Jim was the best command track cadet that Starfleet had ever seen. And would someday be the best captain the world had ever seen.

Bones also knew that Jim wasn’t doing this out of pride. At least, not his own pride. He was doing it to make a ghost proud which was something that Bones understood more than a little about. So, even though he was miserable, even though he was sure that he’d never be dry again, and wanted nothing more than to march out and turn himself in, Bones stayed next to Jim. But, because he didn’t have Jim’s predilection for uncomfortable truth telling, he just said, “I hate this.”

“I know you do.” Jim whispered back, clutching the tree roots as he pulled himself forward to peek out for the other teams. “Shush or the other team will hear us.”

“I don’t care. If I get shot, do you think they’ll let me have some coffee and change into dry underwear?”

“We’re not getting shot. We’re going to win.”

“I don’t want to win.” Jim shut him up by pressing his mouth over his and kissing him, slow and sweet. They broke apart, Bones’ heart hammering in his chest. Bones blinked at Jim, shocked into silence, while Jim turned his head to listen. Seconds later, three squadrons trampled past, just inches from their hiding place. When they were gone, Bones whispered, “Did you just kiss me?”

“I had my hands full. Only way I could get you to shut up!”

They couldn’t stay in hiding forever. Eventually, after Jim crawled through the brush to evaluate their chances of a direct assault, he agreed to attempt to take the shuttle. Bones followed Jim over a ridge, toward the mock Klingon shuttle they were supposed to be stealing. He never saw the capture net. Jim dashed down the hillside, toward the shuttle as Bones watched from up in a tree.

“Hey, Kirk!” Bones heard Mitchell shout from below and Jim turned, his blue eyes widening as he saw Bones caught in the hanging net. “We’ve got your pet doctor.”

“Go on, Jimmy. Get the shuttle!” Jim fired at Mitchell and Finnegan before dashing toward the tree cover, away from the Klingon shuttle. “Damnit, Jim!”

He’d had the chance to end this. If Jim took the shuttle, the sim would be over. Mitchell and Finnegan manhandled Bones into their camp. They’d managed to get tents along with the best gear. Nasty little cheating scumbags. Finnegan tied Bones to a tree at the edge of their camp, making the bonds too tight.

“Finnegan, loosen the damn bonds. I can’t feel my hands.” For his trouble, Bones got a backhand across the face, splitting his cheek and lip.

“Loosen the bonds a bit, Finny. He’s a doctor, after all. I hear he’s quite good. When he’s sober.” Mitchell drawled but as Finnegan loosened the bonds, Bones didn’t complain.

Darkness fell over the camp and the rain reduced to a light drizzle, pattering on the fallen leaves. It was the sort of irritating evening where the sky never truly darkened and the cloud cover reflected light, muting the world to a hazy, silvery gray. Bones shivered in the rapidly cooling air. His suit kept him reasonably warm, though his cheeks and hands were chilled, his dark hair plastered to his head. He wouldn’t freeze to death at least, though he was miserably cramped and uncomfortable. He caught the scent of crushed pine needles above the smoke. Finnegan and Ryan argued with Mitchell about taking the Klingon shuttle while they had the chance. “No way. This is the best way to draw out Kirk. Everyone knows he’s crazy about that doctor.”

“Heard they’re fucking.” Ryan sniggered and Bones rolled his eyes, trying not to think of the softness of Jim’s lips pressed against his.

“Kirk fucks anything that moves. I heard the doc was seeing Dehner but…” Mitchell shrugged. “It doesn’t matter to me if they’re fucking or not. I just want Kirk knocked out of this sim. He’s taken too many points from us already.”

Bones hoped that Jim would concentrate on the shuttle and end the game. It was just a sim. Who cares about the points? Who cares who wins?

But Bones knew that Jim did.

Chapter Text

In the dark of night, when Finnegan and Mitchell snored in their tents and Ryan dozed in his post as night watchman, a hand pressed gently over Bones’ mouth. He opened his eyes, inhaling the comforting sunshine and oranges scent of Jim. Jim looked at his face, running his thumb over the cut on his lip and cheek, his eyes darkening to cobalt in the firelight. “I’ll get him for this.” Jim muttered in a low and dangerous tone.

“Jim, no. Just go get the shuttle, Jimmy. Get your points. Win the sim.” Bones hissed as Jim worked at his bonds, trying to free him.

“All I’ve got left is my Bones.” Jim whispered back, butchering his Georgian accent. In moments, Jim freed Bones from the tree. He helped the older man to stand. Bones couldn’t feel his legs at first followed by pins and needles as the circulation rushed back through his numb limbs. He leaned heavily on Jim.

They slipped together into the woods and into a nearby cave. Jim helped Bones to sit against the wall, rubbing his hands over his legs, trying to help Bones restore his circulation. Jim’s nimble fingers rubbed hard into Bones’ calves, helping to unknot the incredibly sore muscles there, cramped from his cruel confinement. In moments, they heard a shout go up at the campground.

“Ryan! You dumbass! You let him get away.”

“We’ll take the shuttle at first light, Bones. When we get back to the Academy, I’m reporting that lying, cheating scumbag. Did you see they have tents? This has gone far enough.”

“He’s done worse to you since day one.”

“Yeah, well, no one messes with my Bones.”

“Why does he hate you so much, Jimmy? I think it’s more than simple jealousy.”

Jim paused in his rubbing of Bones’ thighs, chewing on his lower lip. He waited so long that Bones thought he wouldn’t answer, then he said, “Our first day here. Just off the shuttle. He came up to me, sort of being ingratiating.”

“You must get that a lot.”

“I do. But, he made some unkind remark about Christopher and about you and..” Jim shrugged but Bones got it. Jim was a fiercely loyal friend. Though, now that he considered it, they hadn’t really been friends at that time. “What really tore it though was when Mitchell said something about how I wouldn’t fail to distinguish myself because I was George and Winona’s son. I remember it because he used their first names to me. Like he was their friend or something. I don’t know. It pissed me off so much.”

“So you rejected him. I bet he fancied being the buddy of the Kelvin baby.”

“Exactly.” Jim patted Bones’ legs, his palms warm. “And you never think of me as the Kelvin baby.”

“You’re just Jim to me.”

“And you’re my Bones. Couldn’t just leave you out here, to their tender mercies.” Jim grabbed Bones chin again and for an instant, Bones thought he’d kiss him again and forgot to breathe, caught on the knife blade between hope and desire. Instead, Jim turned his head toward the moonlight to see the cuts on Bones’ face. Jim scowled while Bones tried to sort through his disappointment and what it meant.

“They’re just cuts, kid. No big deal.” Bones watched as a muscle jumped in Jim’s jaw and he pressed his lips together, cuddling Bones close.

“We need to get you warmed up.” He whispered, his breath ghosting over Bones’ cheek in the half light. Now that he was thawing out a bit, Jim’s warmth was comforting. Jim scooted behind Bones so that Bones lay propped on his chest with Jim’s arms wrapped around him from behind. He wrapped his legs over Bones too. Though Bones knew that Jim wasn’t doing this from any romantic interest and in fact was deploying excellent survival skills, he couldn’t stop his increased heart rate and his burning desire to turn his head, just a little, to capture Jim’s mouth with his own. Thankfully, Jim started talking, low, near his ear. “Listen to the plan…”

It wasn’t enough to Jim to take the shuttle. It would give him the points, but not the satisfaction, of taking out Mitchell. He’d spent the day Bones had been tied up eliminating all the other teams. Now, only Mitchell, Ryan, and Finnegan remained. And Jim was not going to let them leave this sim without tasting defeat.

Just before dawn, Jim and Bones crept out of the cave, sliding along on their bellies toward Mitchell’s camp site. Finnegan stood sentinel on the far side of the camp as Ryan came towards Bones and Jim, unzipping his pants to relieve himself. Jim yanked him off his feet and pulled him into the underbrush, disabling him with a shot from their sim guns. Unfortunately, while the near direct hit was enough to immobilize Ryan, it did nothing to his vocal cords as he screamed for Finny and Mitchell.

Jim shoved Bones towards the woods and turned to run, only to be hit in the leg by a shot from Mitchell. Bones turned back, helping Jim to his feet and carrying most of his weight as he dashed into the woods, towards the Klingon shuttle.

“My leg really fucking hurts, Bones.” Jim struggled next to him, his body armor emitting a pulse that made it difficult for Jim to stand on his leg, to simulate a wound.

“It’s ok. It’s just these stupid monkey suits.” Bones reassured him as they awkwardly dashed along, like participants in a three legged man race.

“Leave me here, Bones. Run for the shuttle.” Mitchell and Finnegan crashed along behind them, easily following the path they’d cut through the woods. Bones pulled them up to the ridge where the tree line broke, the Klingon shuttle painted rosy pink and orange in the dawn light.

Jim tripped on a tree root and they toppled down the low hill into the clearing, Jim sprawled on top of Bones. “Bones, just go. Take the shuttle before they do. Please don’t let them win.”

Mitchell and Finnegan crashed through the tree line and, as they stood silhouetted on the ridge, Bones snatched Jim’s stun gun out of his thigh holster and, without hesitation, shot both Mitchell and Finnegan directly in the chest. They wore nearly identical comic looks of surprise as they toppled backwards into the trees and out of sight.

“Wow, Bones. I didn’t know you knew how to shoot!”

“I grew up in Georgia, kid.” Bones helped Jim to his feet and they slowly made their way to the shuttle. Bones got Jim comfortable in the co-pilot’s seat and then sat down in the captain’s chair. He started the shuttle and, following directions beamed to the PADD, punched in the coordinates for the winner’s circle. While Jim looked on, open mouthed in shock, Bones expertly pushed the shuttle up into hover-drive, just over the tree line and flew them home. As they landed, about 15 minutes later, Jim just stared at him.

“Where’d you learn to pilot a shuttle, Bones?” Jim whispered.

“You’re not the only one who had extra classes over the summer, kiddo.” Bones glanced at him. “Figured it might come in handy for future away missions and all. You know. When I’m your CMO.”

Jim smiled at him, a true, brilliant Jim smile and Bones forgot to breathe. Instinctively, he leaned toward him, the way a flower does toward the sun. Just then, the instructors poured onto the shuttle, clapping Jim on the back. They disabled their exoskeletons and Bones, their moment lost, slipped off to enjoy a well-earned cup of coffee.

Chapter Text

Incoming interstellar comm message from the Farragut:

“I’m rooming with Gary Mitchell, Bones. It’s awful. I’m so glad I flirted with that ensign to get me assigned to your room.”

Response to the Farragut from Starfleet Medical Command:

“I knew I should have had a single, you bastard! Watch out for Mitchell, kiddo. I’m not there to fix you if he shanks you in the kidneys. How’s the junior captaining going?”

From the Farragut:

“He’s still pretty pissed about the sim and losing all those points. I think he might still be scared of you, Bonesy. How’s your experiment coming along?

From Starfleet Medical Command:

“I wish you were here to talk through this research with, kid. You always help reflect my brilliance back to me.”

From the Farragut:

“Is that your way of saying I’m a good listener, Bones?”

Urgent alert from Starfleet Medical Command:

“Kid, I’m heading up a squad of doctors without borders to test out this Gornian flu vaccine. Keep your fingers crossed that it works and I’ll claim another degree. Otherwise, I think they might just kick me out. Should be back before the start of term…

——

The summer of Jim’s second year, he served about the Farragut for what he referred to as his captain-in-training mission. Bones stayed behind in San Francisco, chasing down yet another degree with his research into the Gornian flu. After he’d had to deliver octopults via c-section to a Gornian mother sick with the flu, he’d become a man obsessed with finding a viable cure.

On the personal shelf above his bunk on the Farragut, Jim displayed only one hologram. Snapped at his birthday party their first year, Bones held an apple pie, blazing with candles, across the table from Jim. Jim smiled at Bones, just before he leaned over to blow out the candles. The candle light bathed both their faces in gold and muted everyone else around them into darkness. The photo made feel warm, content, happy. Even loved.

He hadn’t expected to miss Bones so much, being up in the black. Starfleet kept the cadets busy—possibly on the erroneous and naive theory that they’ll stay out of trouble that way. Most nights, Jim collapsed into his bunk, just glancing at the holograph before sliding into sleep. But, at least twenty times a day, something will strike Jim as funny and he’ll turn to share the joke with Bones, to catch Bones’ eyes in that wordless communication that he’s only ever had with Bones. Or, when he’s eating in the mess, he’ll think of him, sharing meals as they do back home. He missed the soft sounds of Bones snoring. He just plain missed him.

Jim stepped through the door of their room and blinked, disoriented. Nothing had changed, here in San Fran. Their room looked the same, narrow bunk area across from the microscopic bathroom, preceded by a tiny living area and galley. The same utilitarian blue and chrome and orange it’s always been, though maybe a little bit neater than it usually is with Jim around. Because they overlook a bleak, dark alley lined with overflowing recyclers and trash cans, they usually program their windows with holograms of nature scenes. Bones preferred forests or lakes. Today, Bones programmed sunset over Hawaii—Jim’s favorite.

Bones crossed the room to him. He pulled Jim close for a backslapping hug, the smell of lime and bay rum made Jim feel lightheaded. The warmth of Bones’ chest and strong arms around him, fleeting though the contact was, welcomed him home.

Home. He’s finally home.

Jim leans back to stare at Bones, holding onto his upper arms. Bones wore a gray t-shirt—Jim thought it might be his as they long ago stopped caring who owned what. Bones normally carefully styled hair was rumpled, his bangs falling across his forehead, softening his face. His Gornian field trip gave him a dark tan, that made his eyes glow green as a forest glen. Bones hadn’t bothered to shave in a few days. He looked…handsome. Jim swallowed hard as he stared at Bones’ full, lush mouth and wanted to press his own lips there, to sink into Bones.

“You ok, Jimbo?” Bones smiled at Jim who suddenly became aware of the too rapid beat of his own pulse. He patted Bones’ shoulders, still reeling with the realization that being with Bones meant home to him. Bones shot him a crooked smile and stepped back.

“Damn, kid! Didn’t they feed you up there? Let’s go out to dinner and catch up.” Jim nodded dumbly and dropped his stuff on the floor before following Bones.

“They did but they kept us really busy. Burned it all off, Bonesy.”

“What’d you do? Screw your way through the cadet roster?”

“Nah, Bones. Too busy being captainly.” Jim threw his arm around his shoulders. They made their way to their favorite diner where Jim ordered buffalo wings, their biggest burger, and a milkshake. Bones just raised an eyebrow and shook his head over his own salad.

“How did things go with Mitchell?”

“He’s still scared of you, Bones. You’re a bad-ass.”

Bones flushed, which Jim found unspeakably adorable. “I’m a doctor not…”

“So you beat them up and then patch them up? Kinky, Bones.”

They laughed together and the tension eased. The awkwardness of their time apart smoothed over until it was just them again—Jim and Bones. How it was meant to be. When did he stop being just Jim?

“You look tan, man. Tell me about the Gorns.” Jim invited, taking a big bite of his burger and watching Bones get all passionate about his time off world. Bones’ hidden passion was one of the things Jim loved best about his friend.

That night, Jim laid in his narrow twin bunk, watching Bones sleep. He looked much younger, more relaxed, like the person he must have been before life began to dole out tragedies on his head. He lost his perpetual scowl, the cranky persona that he wore to hide his marshmallow of a heart. He usually slept on his side, with the blankets tucked under his chin. In the really cold weather, sometimes all Jim could see of his snoozing roommate was a shock of midnight hair sticking up from the blankets.

In the summer, when it got really hot, (or when Jim tampered with the climate control just to see this) Bones sometimes kicked the covers off, revealing his boxers and rumpled, worn t-shirt that he wore as pajamas. He’d rest his legendary hands on his stomach, his fingers loose. Usually, then, he’d lay on his back, his long, tempting neck exposed.

Bones slept fairly well, rarely disturbed by nightmares. He could lie down and be asleep in less than a minute and awake even quicker. He took his coffee black, didn’t really go for sweets, and usually just ate a piece of fruit for breakfast. Jim knew precisely how Bones liked a turkey sandwich—on rye, with a slice of swiss, and a tiny bit of mayo. He’d eat carrots on the side, never chips. His favorite meal in the mess was ham and sweet potatoes. On the rare occasions they ate out, Bones loved Chinese food or a steak, rare.

Jim knew the brands of all Bones’ favorite grooming products. His hair smelled like coconuts from the shampoo he used and his aftershave smelled like limes. Sometimes, Jim used a tiny bit of the shampoo for himself, just so he could smell like Bones all day. Bones slathered his legendary hands with hand cream each night and wore lip balm but otherwise seemed to possess no vanity at all. He knew which pair of sweats were Bones favorites. That he made his bed every morning.

Jim treasured all these little bits of knowledge that he, and he alone, possessed about Bones. He’d never been this intimate with another person. He’d been sleeping with Gaila on and off for over two years and couldn’t say what her favorite food was, her favorite color, what she liked to do to relax.

As Jim lay there, watching his friend sleep, he admitted to himself what this was. He loved, like truly, madly, deeply loved his very hetrosexual roommate. And best friend. Who thought of him as the kid brother he’d never had. He’d always thought of love as a myth or a convenient lie that people told themselves or each other. He’d never thought this would happen to him. If a unicorn trotted into their dorm room, Jim would have been less shocked.

If anyone had ever asked Jim, he’d never have predicted this would be what falling in love would be like. He probably would said that the first step was enormous quantities of incredibly hot sex. Sex would be the starting point, rather than the stumbling block. Instead, he’d never touched Bones, other than that one joking kiss during the survival simulation.

And Bones, at best, thought of him as a kid brother. And had never shown even a passing interest in a man sexually.

Wasn’t the joke on Jim then? The first, and only, time in Jim’s life that he’d ever wanted a serious relationship, ever even considered more, and he was friend zoned.

Their friendship, this closer than brothers relationship, was precious to Jim. He couldn’t imagine his life without Bones at his side. It seemed like miles between their twin beds, between being best friends, buddies, closer than brothers, and the more that Jim ached for.

Chapter Text

Everyone had heard of the Kobyashi Maru. Although only command-track cadets faced the actual exam itself, other cadets played supporting roles during the simulation. Everyone dreaded the Maru but there was no escaping it. Graduation from the Command track at the Academy required it. As their third year began, chatter about Jim taking the Maru reached a fever pitch.

“There is no solution to the problem, Jim. That’s the point.” Gaila argued with him over breakfast, the first week of their third year.

“There is a solution to every problem. I just haven’t found it yet.” Jim shot back, rubbing an apple on his sleeve.

“Leonard, can you talk sense into him?” Gaila looked at Bones pleadingly.

“Look, Jim. Doctors have to face this too. There are always patients you can’t save, that are essentially a medical no-win case. You just have to saddle up and move on.” Bones scooped lukewarm oatmeal out of his bowl.

Jim glared at him, “Doesn’t it bother you, Bones, that no one has ever passed the test?”

Bones rolled his eyes and shrugged, glancing at Gaila. She worried her lip, watching Jim. Jim would get through it, just like every other command-track cadet did. Bones was just grateful that he, as a medical cadet, didn’t have to face certain defeat. There was enough of that in his profession.

* * *

“I signed up to take the Maru next week. I want you there with me.” Jim said as he dropped into the seat across from Bones in the dining hall at lunch on the Friday of their first week back.

Bones looked up at him, wide-eyed, “Don’t you know an actual weapons specialist, kid?”

“I want you there.” Jim crossed his arms and jutted out his chin in the stubborn tilt that Bones knew meant trouble. After a few more moments of futile argument, he caved, just like he always did when Jim was involved.

* * *

After the first defeat, Bones turned in his chair to face Jim. He sat, frozen in shock in the captain’s chair, a fine sheen of sweat coating his face and shining in the half-light of the room.

“Jim?” Bones whispered, low and soothing, the way he would with a spooked patient. Jim came back to himself with a tiny shake and shot Bones a grin that didn’t reach his eyes. He stood and, in a passible imitation of his normal voice, thanked everyone for being there for him. Only Bones knows him well enough to hear the tremor underlying it.

The lights come back up and the instructors, led by Captain Pike, strode back into the room. Pike clapped him on the shoulder. “Good to see you, Leonard.”

Bones stayed where he was, his eyes on Jim as he sank back into the captain’s chair, his eyes locked on the ground. “Doctor McCoy, you may go.” Pike said, the unmistakable tenor of command in his voice.

On the way past the chair, Bones squeezed Jim’s shoulder. And, having no other choice under the watchful eyes of the instructors, he departed.

It was a cruel test, especially for someone with Jim’s history. Bones made it through his afternoon class and rounds before he brought pizza—with mushrooms and sausage, Jim’s favorite—beer, and the newest holo game back to their dorm.

He knew it was empty before he even opened the door. Jim’s bright warmth was missing.

He sighed and, after picking off both the mushrooms and the sausage from his slices, ate his pizza before hitting the books. Near midnight, he gave up, still feeling uneasy about Jim’s continued absence. He just changed for bed into an ancient pair of flannel pajama bottoms and a soft Academy t-shirt, when the door swished open. Jim walked in, his cadet reds damp from the San Francisco fog, rain drops glistening like tears in his golden hair.

“Hey.” Jim greeted him, his voice low and hoarse.

“Hey, kid. Pizza’s in the kitchen.” Bones tried for breezy but failed. Jim shuffled to the sofa and sat down, staring at the blank holo screen like a lost child. Bones’ heart squeezed in his chest. He was tired. He needed to be up in less than six hours for his hospital shift. He wanted nothing more than to go to sleep. Instead, Leonard grabbed a towel from the bathroom and tossed it over Jim’s head on the way to the kitchenette.

“Stop drippin’ on the sofa.” He grabbed two beers and plated three slices of pizza for Jim before returning to the sofa and sitting down. He waited until Jim took a few bites of the lukewarm pizza. Bones was certainly not going to warm it up for him. “How did your chat with Pike go?”

Jim shrugged. “Bunch of platitudes. Same crap they give everybody.”

“Well, it’s done now. I remember how thrilled I was after I finished my medical boards. Such a relief huh?” Bones said, in a falsely jovial voice. Jim glared at him. “I remember I saw a double rainbow as I came out of the test center. Thought it was a good sign.”

The silence ticked on endlessly. Bones rubbed his arm soothingly. “Jim, everyone fails it. It’s designed that way.”

“Not me. I’m going to beat that test, Bones.” Jim looked him in the face for the first time then and when Bones saw the determination in those sky blue eyes, he knew they were all in for it.

Because no one could do determined like Jim Kirk.

Chapter Text

Two months after the first Maru attempt…

If Bones never heard another word about the Maru, it would be too soon. Jim was a man obsessed. As he’d been one of the first cadets in his year to take it, he spent his free time harassing each successive candidate as well as anyone who’d ever participated in a sim with an endless series of questions on their test experience. He bored Bones and Gaila senseless with his endless strategizing on both how to take the test again and how to beat it.

“You know, if this whole command thing doesn’t work out, you can always drop back to Security.” Bones pointed out to him after Jim’s particularly pointed questioning of exactly how the last guy failed. Jim’s fellow command cadet, recognizing an escape opportunity when he saw it, fled their lunch table.

“Security?” Jim blinked at him, the purple bags under his eyes making his eyes look even more impossibly blue.

“Yeah, as an interrogator. Look, Jim, I’m your friend. You’ve gotta stop this. It’s been two months…can’t you drop it?”

“I am going to defeat that test.”

“Jim, be reasonable. No one passes the Maru. It’s designed that way.” Gaila chimed in. They’d both been desperately trying to get Jim to see reason since he failed the first time to absolutely no avail.

“Doesn’t that bother you, Gaila? There’s got to be an answer.”

“There is no answer.” Bones ground out, for at least the hundredth time.

Gaila patted Jim’s arm. “Have you decided on your term topic for…”

Jim cut her off. “I’m going to ask Pike to let me see his thesis on the Kelvin.”

“What? Why?” Bones stammered. Jim never mentioned the Kelvin and Bones, taking his cue from Jim, never brought it up either. Bones knew—everyone knew—about the Kelvin. With all the hoopla around every anniversary for nearly a quarter century, there was no way that people didn’t know the exact facts and circumstances surrounding Kirk’s spaceship birth and his father’s sacrifice. Bones wasn’t sure what that had to do with the Maru though.

“My dad faced the ultimate no-win scenario. Maybe he can give me some hints.” Jim swung easily up from the chair, with his usual leonine grace, and walked off, leaving Leonard with his head in his hands.

* * *

The day after Jim failed the Maru…again…

“McCoy!” Christopher Pike bore down on Bones on the quad, the day after Jim failed the Maru—again. “I need to talk to you.”

Bones turned to Christopher, crossing his arms over his chest. “Yes, sir?”

“How’s he holding up?” Bones chewed on his lip and crossed his arms over his chest, glaring out at the bay, watching the sunlight sparkle like mirrors on the water.

“Permission to speak freely?”

“Of course, Leonard.”

“He’s a mess. I think he’s still drunk. The man actually cried on my shoulder last night. It’s an awful, cruel, inhumane test, especially for Jim…” Bones tore at his own hair, frustrated and glanced up at Pike, who stood with his head cocked to the side, a slight, wistful grin on his face. “What the hell is so funny?”

“Nothing.” Pike shook his head. “You just…reminded me of Naveen for a moment. I struggled against the Maru too. Leonard, he’s obsessed. You have to talk sense into him.”

“You’ve met the man, right? What do you think I’ve been trying to do for ages now? He won’t listen. He won’t eat. He won’t take care of himself. Every third sentence is the Maru. You showed him that stupid dissertation on the Kelvin and dared him to better than his dad. I mean, what were you thinking?”

“I dared him to do better than his dad when I recruited him. Not when I showed him my dissertation.”

“It’s the equivalent of waving a red flag in front of a bull. He’s…” Bones raked his hand through his hair again. “He’s not himself, Christopher. I don’t know what to do. He wants to take it again.”

“A third time? He’ll never get approval for that.” Pike shook his head.

“He shouldn’t. But he will. It’s Jim. I’ve never known him to not get everything he wanted.” Bones bit his lip, worry for his friend creasing his forehead. After a sleepless night trying to get Jim to see reason, Bones had classes followed by another medbay shift. Bones would like to just lie down in the grass on the quad and sleep for a week. Instead, he sucked in a deep breath and glanced at Pike who just grinned at him.

“Not everything.” Pike smiled at him. “At least, not yet, I don’t think.”

“Damnit, man. Stop talking in riddles.”

“I’m sorry. You both just remind me so vividly of me and Naveen, my first husband, when we were at the Academy.”

“It’s not like that.” Bones shook his head. Why did people always assume that he and Jim were a couple? As if anyone as spectacular as Jim would be interested in a broken down old country doctor.

“Leonard, you’re the only one he listens to, ever. You’re the only true friend he has here. You must make him see sense. The Maru is there for a reason. Jim just has to accept it. If he’s ever going to be a Captain, he must…”

“You and I both know that Jim will be the best goddamn Captain that Starfleet has ever seen. He’s amazing. He’s a genius. He’s smart and caring and brilliant. But he’s been through hell in his life, from the moment he was born, for God’s sake, and then Tarsus…”

“Jim told you about Tarsus?” Pike said, astonishment in his voice.

“Not exactly. He knows that I know though. The point is—when will it be enough?” Leonard looked at him and Pike smiled back.

“You’re going to have to help him find his limits, Leonard. You can do it.”

* * *

The Saturday night after Jim failed the Maru for the second time…

“What the hell happened?” Jim threw his PADD on the sofa as Uhura and Gaila helped Bones through the door to their quarters. “Were you all mugged or…?”

“Just a fight, Jimmy.” Bones slurred. At first, Jim thought he was drunk but then realized that his lips were swollen. Bones had joined a group of friends from his Gornian Doctors Without Borders team for a pub crawl reunion. Jim stayed home with only his humiliation for company that evening. He’d never expected Bones to come home like this.

“You? You got in a bar fight?” Jim stared as Uhura and Gaila helped Bones to the sofa. Bones gently put his head back to rest against the sofa back and Jim got a good look at his face. He’d have quite the shiner in the morning, possibly on both eyes. He had a nasty gash on his cheek—probably from a ring. And his lower lip was split, blood sluggishly trickling down his chin. As Jim watched, Bones raised a hand to swipe at it and Jim saw his knuckles, busted, bloody, bruised. Bones’ hands. His perfect surgeon’s hands.

“Damnit, Bones. What the actual hell? Look at your hands!” Jim grabbed his friends hands, turning them over in the light to see the damage.

“Jim, do you have a medikit?” Gaila whispered with some urgency. Jim told her where to find it and she brought it back quickly.

“What happened, Bones?” Jim demanded as he dropped to his knees in front of him. Uhura rushed to their regenerator, demanding ice and a clean dishtowel. “We don’t have dishtowels—use one of my t-shirts.”

“Nothin’” Bones said and Jim glanced at Gaila.

“He fought Gary Mitchell.”

“What? Why?” Jim demanded.

“No reason, kid.” Bones answered as he rearranged the ice over his cheek. Jim fumbled with the medikit, trying to think what do to for him.

“He said something unkind about you, Jim.” Galia said, glancing at Bones who glared at her.

“He’s always saying something unkind about me.” Jim shrugged as he tried to figure out how to switch on the dermal regen so he could run it over Bones’ knuckles.

“This time, he was talking smack about your father, Jim.” Uhura said. “And he made some smart comment about you and the Maru and…”

“And I sucker punched him, okay?” Bones snapped and Jim glanced up at him, confused. “I think Jim can take it from here, ladies. Thank you very much for seein’ me home.”

Something in Bones tone must have done it because both Uhura and Gaila made themselves scarce. With Bones’ help and guidance, Jim managed to repair the worst of the damage. Other than Bones’ terse directions, they worked together in silence, Jim soothing the worst of the injuries.

“Jimmy, I am going to need your help changin’ clothes, k?” Bones finally murmured.

“Always wanted the chance to undress you, Bones.” Jim tried for a joke but it came out flat, his voice hoarse. It figures that he’d get to live out one of his favorite fantasies just like this. He got Bones comfortable in old pajama pants and one of Jim’s old t-shirts, the very same one that he’d worn on the shuttle out of Riverside, the bloodstains at the collar now faded to mocha color.

Jim tucked Bones into his bunk and sat down facing him. “Thanks for defending my honor, Bones.”

“Always hated that Mitchell kid. Cheatin’ scummy bastard.” Bones murmured. “You know he just hates it that you’re better than him at everything.”

“But Bones, your hands. You shouldn’t…”

“I’ve been in fights before, Jimmy. It’s ok. I just…I couldn’t…let him say that stuff about you.” Since Sam died, he’s never had someone stand up for him before. Even if Bones’ feelings toward him are entirely brotherly, Jim knows he’ll never forget the swelling warmth in his chest from this moment. He feels cherished and safe and loved.

“I can’t believe that I missed seeing you punch Mitchell like that. I hope someone caught it on holovid!”

Chapter Text

A fire burning merrily in the fireplace…snow drifting past the window, indigo in the twilight…jazzy music, heavy with horns, playing low…

He sat, cross-legged on the hearth rug, wrapped in the quilt his grammie made him…Then, he recognized the house…his Grammie Kirk’s farmhouse, decorated now for Christmas…his favorite time of year. He’s no longer a child…instead, he’s a man grown and he’s here with…

“Careful, darlin,’ don’t get too close to the fire…” A soft, slow drawl with a hint of the South…A dark-haired man in the kitchen, stirring a steaming saucepan on the stove…

Jim jolted awake in his darkened dorm, the only illumination coming from their tiny Christmas tree. Bones snuffled before flipping onto his stomach, still cocooned in his blankets, only a shock of ebony hair visible. Jim sighed, rubbing his eyes and rolling onto his side to survey his sleeping roommate…and his dream co-star.

Jim ached to touch him, to crawl into bed with Bones and wake him so he could see his beautiful chameleon eyes that ranged from forest to honey to whiskey. All his life people complimented Jim’s eyes. At first, they said things like “Oh, he has his daddy’s eyes.” And then, lovers would compare them to skies and oceans and pools. Jim didn’t get the fuss—they were just boring blue. But Bones—his eyes were special. Jim could tell a lot about Bones’ moods and feelings based on the color of his eyes. If he wore his cadet reds, his eyes looked brown. If he was in his blue medical scrubs, they veered toward amber and whiskey and bourbon. If he wore his forest green sweater—Jim’s personal favorite—they looked like moss lit by sunshine.

Jim was not accustomed to longing, to pining and wanting but not being able to have and take. He feels itchy and vulnerable and scraped raw, living on the knife edge of need and desire. Sometimes, Jim worries his impulsive side will win and he’ll just grab Bones by his shirt and plant one on him because he cannot bear the lust another second.

And then he is terrified that he’ll risk it all—all that he has with Bones—to slake his stupid lust. The friendship—the brotherhood—the depth of their kinship—it’s the most precious thing to Jim.

He actually did think that Bones loved him back. But Bones viewed them as buddies and maybe brothers. If asked directly, he might describe Jim as his best friend. They were all fine descriptions, as far as they went. Jim felt all those too.

Jim longed for more. But was it just one-sided? Sometimes, he thought Bones looked at him just a beat too long or stared at his lips or eyes. But he wasn’t sure…

Even if he could sway him sexually—an experiment or just because Bones is horny and lonely one night—Bones got burned so bad in the divorce that he’ll never trust again, never love again.

So it’s Jim’s problem. Jim’s alone to cope with, deal with, shove down and away.

If only he could control the dreams…

At first, Jim just chalked the dreams up to stress and thought no more about it. It wasn’t easy getting to take the Maru again and even tougher after he failed it the second time. Not to mention his intense course load. He still carried the most credits per semester of any cadet at the Academy. Plus, he wanted to graduate with honors and win the plebe points, just to beat Gary Mitchell at his own game. At the start of his third year, he’d qualified as a senior cadet and was trying to decide if he should stay for an extra year to complete a master’s degree. Bones and Pike thought he should. Only the prospect of watching Bones sail off into the stars, abandoning Jim on terra firma, made him hesitate.

But then, over time, Jim realized that his dreams were just plain weird. Of course, he still indulged in sexual fantasies—varied and creative—mostly focused around Bones. He’d developed a highlights reel to get him off in the shower every morning and most nights before bed too. But at night, he was dreaming about things that he’d never actually done before.

Like cuddling.

Or taking a long walk on a starlit beach, hand in hand, with Bones, as the water teased their toes…

Or road tripping together, across country, in the shiny scarlet convertible he’d wrecked nearly 15 years ago…

Or sipping spicy hot chocolate by the crackling fire at his grammie’s house…

Romantic crap.

It wasn’t his style. All his life, he’d used his good looks and his charm to indulge in just what he wanted—quick, often anonymous sex—without ever needing or wanting or even considering anything else. Anything romantic. So why would he be imagining doing this stuff with Bones?

Okay, so maybe he knew why.

He loved Bones. Period. Full stop.

He just had no idea what to do about it. Normally, if there was someone he wanted, Jim went after them full-force with a single minded devotion to his cause, much like he pursued the Maru. Somehow, in Jim’s mind, his success or failure on the Maru had become twinned with his making a move on Bones. He just wasn’t sure how to actually go about it…

Still obsessing, chasing his thoughts like a dog chasing his tail, he tumbled back into a dream where he and Bones cuddled together on a plush hammock strung between two purple palm trees, as the twin suns of Risa dipped toward the horizon…

When the alarm buzzed, Jim popped awake and glanced at his sleepy friend, struggling not to stare as Bones yawned and stretched and sat up. His brow furrowed and he glanced over at Jim, who only then realized he’d blurted out the foremost question on his mind.

“Did you just ask me if I did romantic shit with my wife?”

“Yes but…I just meant—I mean—did you like dream of doing it?” Jim stammered.

“Did I dream of doing it with my wife?” Bones rubbed the heels of his palms into his eyes. “You mean sex?”

“No! I specifically do not mean sex.”

“Okay.” Bones drawled, his eyebrows nearly touching his hairline.

“I mean, like, you know, romantic stuff. Like walking on a beach or cuddling…”

“Yes, we did romantic shit as you so eloquently put it. But, no, I never dreamt of it.” Bones squinted at him in the grey dawn light. “Are you feeling ok?”

“It’s just stress dreams. You know, exams and all.”

“Your stress dreams are a romantic walk on the beach and cuddling? That’s what stresses you out?” Bones smirked. “So, who’s the lucky lady—or guy—or whatever pronoun…”

“No one specific.” As heat rushed to his face, he hightailed it to the bathroom. He rested his forehead on the closed door. Well, that hadn’t been a disaster or anything. At least he didn’t think Bones suspected that he was Jim’s dream co-star. Bones might be about thirty seconds from referring him to Starfleet Psych. But, that was better than Bones deducing Jim’s feelings before Jim figured out how to handle it.

Chapter Text

For all it could be beautiful in the spring and summer and fall, winter in San Francisco was all that was miserable—drippy and wet and chilly and damp and just plain wretched. And for all that Leonard McCoy was a genius, he wasn’t so great about attending to the day-to-day details of living—like remembering to bring a jacket or an umbrella. His mama always said it was because Leonard lived so much in his own head.

So, when he stumbled out of the lab on New Year’s Eve, late, he was annoyed to find it raining buckets—that steady, constant sort of rain that would be soothing on a roof or a window if one were curled inside with a blanket, a book, and a bourbon but not to walk through sans a hat, coat, or umbrella. With a sigh, he jogged down the steps toward his dorm. Because it was dark, he splashed right into the puddle at the base of the stairs, drenching his shoes and the bottom of his jeans.

He hoped that wasn’t an omen about the year to come. As he walked through the darkened campus, he passed several parties and idly wondered which one Jim graced with his presence. His extroverted roomie headed out just after seven with a wave and a smile which was how Bones had ended up spending New Year’s in the lab in the first place, bored and lonely.

He was 31 years old and had a crush.

Just a crush—that was all Bones was planning on admitting to. Bones had eyes so he knew that Jim was just flat out, plain and simple, gorgeous. Even drunk out of his mind on the shuttle, he’d noticed those amazing blue eyes. And the lush mouth and the toned, sexy body. Something in the way Jim Kirk moved shouted sex appeal. With one glance from those electric blue eyes or a smile from that pouty mouth, Jim could promise wicked delights. Plus, though he wasn’t as much of a space slut as his reputation suggested, he also wasn’t a monk and Bones—along with the rest of campus—had heard the rumors of what a sex god Jim was.

So, yeah, Bones would love to try that ride out for himself sometime.

But, they were friends. He and Jim were best friends, a phrase he hadn’t thought of since childhood. Bones liked spending time with Jim. He was funny and smart. He saw the world differently from Bones as he approached it from more of a sunny, optimistic viewpoint. Bones was more of glass half full kinda guy. They knew each other’s deepest, darkest secrets, could always trust the other to have their backs, and also to call them on their bullshit.

So, yeah, they were friends. Best friends. Closer than brothers. And he didn’t need his psychology degree to tell him that Jim viewed him as a replacement for his dead older brother. There was nearly the same age difference between them. Jim had never shown even the slightest sexual interest in Bones. And from someone like Jim, that was the same as a rejection.

But Bones had some skills of his own in the seduction arena, though they were a tad rusty. And he did not want to leave the Academy for their postings—which no matter what nonsense Jim spouted were not going to be Captain and CMO of a starship, respectively and were instead highly likely to be on different ends of the universe— without sleeping with Jim at least once. In some ways, Jim was like his own personal Everest—he couldn’t not try.

They were set to graduate in early June and neither would have to report to their postings until early July. At the start of term, Bones set about looking at shore leave locations for them—ostensibly to celebrate their graduation. But Bones had a plan. If they could go away together and finally fall into bed then Bones could depart for his posting a happy man. He wouldn’t have to be there to see Jim tumble into bed with his next conquest. Although all Bones was willing to admit to was a crush, he knew it would absolutely kill him to watch Jim move on after their encounter. On more than one occasion, Pamela had accused him of being a jealous caveman. He’d be no different with Jim. Once they went to bed together, Jim would be his, at least in Bones’ mind. He didn’t want to stick around to have to watch Jim move on, to consider Bones just another notch on his scarred bedpost and nothing more.

So, Bones could wait it out, play the long game. And in the meantime, he enjoyed his very vivid imagination and daydreamed about their vacation together. But, he didn’t like to go to parties or out drinking with Jim anymore. Not when it meant yet another evening of witnessing Jim choose someone else for his lucky bed partner—yet again.

Lost in thoughts of a beach vacation and creative uses for a hammock, Bones squelched his way toward the dorm, enjoying the quiet coziness of the deserted campus when Jim appeared, dwarfed by an enormous umbrella.

“Hey. Did you even remember to eat dinner?”

Bones shook his head and huddled under the umbrella, grateful for Jim’s warmth, shivering a bit. “Why aren’t you at some New Year’s Eve bash?”

“I went to a few but they were boring. How’s your research going?”

Bones started to explain the progress he was making, when Jim interrupted, “Your teeth are chattering.”

Jim shrugged out of his jacket and slung it over Bones’ shoulders, wrapping his arm around him as he did. The jacket still radiated Jim’s warmth and, grateful, Bones stuck his hands in the pockets.

Bones tried to avoid standing too close to Jim because it was harder to hide his inconvenient lust when they were at close proximity. Unfortunately, that was impossible as they huddled together under the umbrella. Their hips bumped together as they walked, causing little starbursts of lust to spiral through Bones’ blood. To compensate for his nerves, he chattered about his research all the way to the dorm. He glanced over at Jim, noticing the other man’s soft smile. “Sorry, didn’t mean to go on so long.”

“I like watching you be all passionate.”

Before Bones could puzzle that declaration out, the sky above exploded with fireworks. Bones glanced up in surprise, peeking out from under the umbrella toward the bridge. “Must be midnight.”

“Happy New Year, Bones.” Jim grasped the collar of his own jacket to pull Bones close and before Bones even realized his intent, Jim kissed him— just a light brush of lips. Jim swiped his tongue over Bones’ lower lip and Bones yielded for him, kissing him back. Jim, never one to hesitate, swept in, pulling Bones closer so they were flush against each other, the rain pattering on the top of the umbrella. Bones shivered, trying to free his hands to pull Jim closer but Jim stepped back.

“You’re shivering.” Jim said, in a deeper voice than usual, rough with desire. “Let’s get you inside.”

And just like that the moment shattered. They trooped into the dorm room and Jim shoved Bones toward the shower to warm up. Bones considered asking Jim to join him but Jim was already in the kitchen, brewing tea and looking for bourbon. So Bones slipped into the bathroom and shut the door.

Chapter Text

On New Year’s day, Jim woke early. He dressed and left quietly, taking care not to disturb the blanket wrapped burrito known as Bones, disappointingly still sleeping alone in his own bunk. Jim took refuge on the quad, sitting under his favorite apple tree, bare now in mid-winter. Today, the bay reflected the grey, overcast sky, full of whitecaps on its choppy waves. Jim sat with his chin on his knees, trying to sort through his messy jumble of emotions.

So, he’d finally weakened and kissed Bones last night… and it was everything he’d hoped it would be. Part of him wanted to march back to the dorm room and just do it again. Because, no matter how he might try to deny it in the cold light of day, Bones had indeed kissed him back. The doctor could really kiss.

And then he remembered how Bones reacted after the kiss. He hadn’t punched Jim or yelled at him or…really done much at all. He’d gone into the bathroom to shower, sipped the bourbon tea Jim made for him, and gone to bed—alone. As though nothing particularly extraordinary had happened. Maybe he didn’t think it was…but surely, other platonic roommates didn’t share romantic kisses in the rain at midnight on New Year’s Eve, with the fireworks bursting overhead…

Jim caught sight of Bones headed toward him across the quad. Though the weak sunshine behind him obscured Bones’ features, Jim would know those broad, strong shoulders and that purposeful walk anywhere. In the few seconds it took Bones to reach him, a thousand cheesy pick-up lines ran through his head. None of which would work because all the people he’s ever used them on were strangers and had remained strangers, no matter how physically intimate they might become. Hey, Bones, want to be my birthday present….

“Jim! Look at this!” Bones sat next to Jim and shoved a PADD under Jim’s nose. “I can’t believe your mom is coming to speak to us.”

“My mom?” Bones’ non-sequitur knocked all thoughts of their romantic kiss out of Jim’s head. He glanced down at the colorful flyer displayed on the PADD. “Winona Kirk, Guest Speaker, Advanced Xenobiology.” Yep, that was a holograph of his mother. His mother? His mom was coming here? What right did she have to barge into the life he’d crafted for himself here at the Academy. “She’s giving a lecture?”

“It’s the day after Remembrance Day.”

“We won’t be able to make it, Bones. We’ve gotta set up for my birthday party at the Purple Squirrel. I think it’ll be even bigger than last year…”

“Forget the party. Your mom’s work with work with the xenobiology of the Gorns is fascinating. Did you know she created a vaccine that cured their pneumonia? And she also developed birth control for them which is important because…”

“Do not tell that octuplet story again. Please.” Jim struggled to his feet, still reeling with the thought of coping with his mother here on campus. His mother loved the black and never returned dirt side if she could help it. Well, it was the twenty-fifth anniversary of his father’s death and Starfleet planned a big show for that…

“Your mom is amazing. She…” Bones trailed behind Jim as he headed toward the mess hall.

“Jesus, Bones. Did you have a holo-poster of her in your room as a kid?”

“She’s pretty gorgeous with the blonde hair and the blue eyes.”

“I have blonde hair and blue eyes.”

“Yes.” Bones stared at him for second, his eyebrows raised nearly to his hairline before grinning at Jim. “I admire your mother’s brilliant mind. But your mom does have a nice body too, if these pictures are anything to go by.”

“You did not just say that to me. Not cool, man.” Jim grabbed a tray at the mess and started piling food on it at random. It was only when they got to the table that he saw he’d chosen vulcan berries, Orion cheese, sausage, and orange juice. Not the strangest breakfast in the world but…

“Can you introduce me to her?” Bones sat across from him with his usual boring oatmeal. Jim picked at the contents of his tray before throwing his fork down. He wasn’t hungry anyway.

“She hasn’t even told me she’s coming. She’s probably coming for the 25th anniversary of Remembrance Day.”

“Your birthday.”

Jim stiffened. His mother always considered his father’s death to be the primary event that day. Jim’s birth came in a distant second. He frowned and then shrugged. “That seems like something Starfleet would do. I’ll introduce you to her if I see her but…we’re not close, Bones.” With that, he left to get himself a better breakfast.

* * *

Starfleet was not about to miss a golden PR opportunity to publicize holographs of the still-grieving Kelvin widow and the Kelvin baby on the 25th anniversary of Remembrance Day. Both Jim and his mother were expected at the wreath-laying ceremonies on the morning of Jim’s birthday as well as a gala dinner on his birthday eve. However, someone in command—possibly Pike—had the sense to schedule mother and son’s initial reunion in private.

On the third day of January, Bones and Jim donned their dress uniforms and crossed campus to the VIP billeting to meet Winona. Bones fidgeted in the elevator as Jim stared sullenly at the floor. If it wouldn’t mean going AWOL, Bones knew Jim would like nothing better than to disappear. He understood. He wouldn’t want his momma or sisters showing up here either.

They were admitted to the top suite and left to cool their heels in the living room, with panoramic views of the grey-green choppy bay and a mist-shrouded bridge. Lights in the city twinkled on as they waited, Jim still and quiet as a statue. Eventually, a petite woman wearing a dress uniform, her blonde hair in a tight chignon, entered the room.

“Hello, Jimmy.” She said, her voice warm and hands extended. After a few seconds delay, Jim walked over to her and she pulled him into her embrace. Jim returned it stiffly and stepped back. “Introduce me to your friend, James.”

“Mom, this is Bones. He’s going to be my CMO.” Jim waved in the direction of Bones and stared out the windows, his jaw set and his arms crossed.

Bones rolled his eyes and stepped toward Winona, pasting on the company smile his momma taught him. “I’m Jim’s roommate, Leonard McCoy.”

“Doctor McCoy.” She smiled and Bones caught a flash of Jim’s dimples. Along with everyone else, Bones had always thought Jim was the picture of his father. And from the holos that Bones had seen, Jim did favor his dad. But Winona was also clearly visible in her son, from the exact shade of blue in their eyes to the way they both tilted their chins down when they grinned. He also thought that Jim might have inherited his charm from her too. “I didn’t realize that I’d have two handsome escorts to the gala this evening.”

Jim rolled his eyes like a surly teenager but Bones gallantly offered her his arm as they set out for the formal dinner. “So, tell me about yourself, Doctor.”

“It’s Leo, ma’am.”

“Do you want to be a CMO, Leo?” She tilted her head and dimpled prettily. “I understood you were interested in medical research. I read your paper…” Bones and Winona chattered the rest of the way across campus to her formal welcome dinner, her sullen son trailing behind.

* * *

At the reception, Pike appeared at Jim’s side and pressed a drink into his hand. “Looks like you need this, son.”

Jim glared in the direction of Bones and his mother who had not stopped chatting all evening. Medical research this…vaccine that…blah, blah, blah. Jim hadn’t seen Bones talk this much at one time since he’d met him. And his mom flirted and twinkled and chattered away, happy to have a guy’s attention—any guy—even if that guy was her son’s…age. Jim sighed. Despite their passionate kiss—which they had yet to repeat or discuss—they were still just friends. Jim knocked back the whiskey and stepped toward the bar for a refill.

Pike stopped him with his hand on his arm. “Starfleet won’t look kindly to you showing up drunk, hungover, or beat up tomorrow.” Jim ground his teeth, knowing that Chris was right, dreading the ceremonies tomorrow, remembering a man he’d never known.

“It’s a hard day for all of us.” Pike glanced over at Winona.

“Yeah, looks tough.”

“We all grieve in our own ways, son.”

“If you say so, Captain Pike.”

As soon as possible, Jim fled the reception to return to their quiet dorm room where he could sulk in peace.

Chapter Text

The afternoon of Jim’s birthday found Bones and Winona in the tiny galley kitchen of her VIP suite, struggling to re-create the caramel rose apple pie that Jim remembered from his childhood. Despite searching throughout San Francisco for two years, Bones had never been able to find the perfect pie. Winona had learned the trick of the elusive pie from her mother-in-law and agreed to teach it to Bones.

After a trip to the market for all the necessary pie-making supplies, they holed up in her apartment to create their surprise. Bones skipped his afternoon class to create their culinary masterpiece. He peeled and cut the apples into roses as Winona taught him, butchering nearly a bushel before he mastered the delicate knife work.

“Damnit, I’m a doctor, not a chef.” He joked as he accidentally sliced one of the roses in half. Winona smiled at him, as his skilled surgeon’s fingers carefully and painstakingly formed each apple into a rose. As she stirred the rich caramel sauce on the stovetop, she evaluated him from under her lashes, watching him concentrating so hard on making each rose perfect, curious about the man her son adored.

“Better hurry. Don’t want Jimmy seeing his surprise.” He grinned at her and glanced back down at the pie. “He’ll be out of class in a bit.”

Just then Winona realized, even if neither of them yet did, that the love between Jim and his Bones was just like her and George— epic, written in the stars forever love. Relief swamped her, making her lightheaded. If, after all her awful mistakes, her son could still love like that, after all that had happened to him, then somehow, someway, she’d done her job. Her Jim’s heart would finally be safe in the care of this man.

* * *

At his birthday party at the Purple Squirrel, Jim took refuge on the dance floor, bouncing and jamming through a sea of bodies, ignoring both his mother and Bones, chattering away again about Gornian flu research. No doubt the new best buddies would cure all remaining forms of cancer before the evening was out. As always, his party was packed. When the music finally slowed down, Jim headed for the bar for a drink as his mother walked onto the dance floor, dragging a reluctant Bones behind her.

Bones—his Bones—was actually dancing.

With his mother.

This was a nightmare. Jim glared from the sidelines, watching as Bones expertly steered his mother around the floor. He’d known that Bones could dance, from his stories about growing up in Georgia. Still, he’d wanted Bones to dance with him, not his mother. Finally, when he could stand it no more, Jim cut in, spinning his mother away from Bones.

“He’s too young for you, Mom.”

“He’s over 30, Jimmy. Old enough. And handsome. That sweet Southern drawl. Or am I stepping on your toes?” Winona teased him as they twirled around the floor together. Fleetingly, Jim remembered how his mom, Sam, and him used to have dance parties when they were supposed to be cleaning house. Quickly, he tamped down on the memory before the sharp edge of loss could slice him open again. After yesterday’s ceremonies, he still felt raw.

“It’s not like that.”

“But you’d like it to be.”

“Not the point, mother.”

His mother’s eyes reflected her endless grief but she still smiled at him. “You do remind me of your father.”

“I know.” Jim wondered how many times he’d heard that as a kid. Sammy favored Tiberius with his dark eyes and dark hair so only Jim got compared to a ghost from the moment he was born.

“Did you know that I met your dad here at the Academy?”

“Everyone knows that. It’s always in all the papers right around my birthday. I think they just did a retrospective holovid on it.”

“Did you know we didn’t like each other much at first?”

Jim started and glanced at her in surprise. He hadn’t known that. His mother rarely spoke of his dad so most of what Jim knew was from either the press or his paternal grandparents. His eyes met hers as he waited for her to continue.

“We got assigned to work together often. And then we did become friends. But he was very seriously involved with another girl. They broke it off about two weeks before we graduated. When they broke up, he walked straight over to me and kissed me. We barely made it out of bed for the rest of our classes.”

“Mom!” Heat crept up his face. Could this birthday possibly get any worse?

“Never thought you’d be a prude, Jimmy. Anyway, then the weekend we graduated we went to New Vegas. That was quite a trend back then. It was a ploy to get us assigned together. And it worked. You and Bones…”

“I should marry Bones so we can be assigned together?”

“You should marry Bones because you’re in love with him.” Jim bit his lip and glanced away from his all-too-perceptive Mother’s face. He’d forgotten how she’d always been capable of seeing right through him, just like Bones. “I see you don’t deny it.”

“It doesn’t matter, Mom. He…”

“My goodness, never thought I’d see the day a Kirk man would be insecure. Not that I think you have much to worry about there. He rarely takes his eyes off you. But, have you thought about the fact that you’re graduating in just a few months? How well do you think you’ll cope without your Bones?”

Jim thought of his time on the Farragut this summer, away from Bones. While he’d loved being in the black, he had missed Bones terribly. He couldn’t imagine going off into the stars without him.

“I know you never liked hearing advice but I’m going to give it to you anyway. Tell him how you feel.”

“Is it that obvious?”

She nodded. “I only got five years with your dad. But they were the happiest time of my life. Never knew you not to take a risk. Don’t hesitate now.”

“That’s a mighty big risk.”

“But worth it. Think about it, Jimmy.” As the song ended, she left him standing alone in the middle of the flashing lights of the dance floor, just like always.

* * *

The morning after Jim’s birthday, he and Bones escorted his mother to the shuttle dock. As they stood awaiting her shuttle, on the breezy dock, in the bright mid-day sunshine, she handed Jim a crinkly envelope. He peeked into the envelope and a sheaf of official looking documents slid out into his hand. Jim had never seen so much paper in one place.

“You’re giving me the farm?” Jim scanned the documents she’d handed him and looked back up at her, wide-eyed.

“I divorced Frank ages ago. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you and Sammy when…”

“Please don’t talk about Sammy.”

“Okay.” Winona pressed her lips together, glancing at Bones before continuing, “That farm belonged to the Kirks for generations. Your grandfather only left it to me so I could raise my boys there. It’s yours, Jimmy. Somewhere to come home to when you’re finished sailing the stars.”

She patted his cheek and smiled at him. He looked at her eyes, the mirror of his own. As a child, he’d come to resent her for her failures, for never being the parent he’d needed or wanted. He even believed that the wrong parent died that day on the Kelvin. But, being with her here in San Francisco, where they could meet as adults, both serving Starfleet, without the burdens of the past, and with Bones smoothing the way, they had forged a connection that surprised Jim. He found himself grateful for the knowledge that he was not only his heroic father’s son, but also his mother’s child, in ways he’d never before realized or appreciated.

Winona hugged Bones goodbye and made him promise to send her his Gornian paper. “The one that will make you a M.D. squared.”

She kissed Jim once more and whispered in his ear, “Remember what I said, Jimmy.”

And then she was gone, boarding the shuttle that would return her to her ship in the black, as she’d done so many times in his childhood. Today, though, today was the first time he didn’t feel the gut-wrenching ache of abandonment. When Bones’ arm came to settle over his shoulders, he knew why. For the first time, his mother was leaving him in good hands, in safe hands. Because, even if Bones didn’t return Jim’s romantic feelings, Jim knew that Bones was his family now.

“So, a farm in Iowa, huh?” Bones tapped the papers. “So, maybe we could check it out over spring break or something.”

“Maybe.” Jim smiled at him. “Gotta beat the Maru first.”

Bones groaned and turned away. “Not that again.”

Chapter Text

The hardest part of the Maru: Round Three was talking the Academy brass into letting him take it for the third time. After the second round of misery, Jim knew how to defeat the test. Just by thinking a little wide of the box. He just need the opportunity to put his plan into motion. It took him nearly four months to talk the Admiralty into letting him try again. James Tiberius Kirk was nothing if not persistent so he eventually got to plead his case directly to Admiral Alexander Marcus. Just a few days after his twenty-fifth birthday, he found himself enjoying coffee in Marcus’ sunny office.

“Give me one good reason you should take this test again.”

“Because I haven’t beaten it yet.”

Marcus looked at him for a long moment, his pale eyes appraising. “You’re set to graduate in the spring, with high honors. You’ll be able to pick your assignment and the Academy will be just a memory. Just a few months from now. You’ve satisfied your course requirement for the Kobyashi Maru. Why not just let sleeping dogs lie, son?”

“Because I haven’t satisfied myself, sir. I want to beat this test.”

“It’s clear to me, Cadet Kirk, that you should take it again as you’ve missed the crucial point. I’m not going to let you batter yourself against a wall, son. But I will let you take it one more time. On one condition.”

“Name it, sir.”

“After this next go-around, you come and debrief me. You can take it tomorrow. Dismissed.” Marcus turned away, shaking his head, mumbling about needing saving from stubborn Kirks.

Jim flew out of the office and, checking his chronometer, realized that Bones would just be finishing up his xenobiology lecture. He dashed across campus, feeling the silly grin split his face. He couldn’t wait to see Bones’ face when he told him that he’d finally gotten the brass to come around.

“Why are you so happy?” Bones asked, by way of greeting, suspicion heavy in his voice

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“No, I don’t suppose you do.”

“Hello, ladies.” Jim trotted down the stairs, idly checking out several female cadets. He did this partially to keep up appearances and also to see if he could make Bones jealous. On some level, he knew it was foolish and silly but still…if only he could get Bones to look at him that way. Their romantic kiss on New Year’s Eve seemed very far away on this sunny day.

“I’m taking the test again.”

Bones stopped dead, causing Jim to pivot to see his face. “You gotta be kidding me.”

“Yeah, tomorrow morning. And I want you there.” No matter what, Jim always wanted Bones at his side.

“You know, I got better things to do than watch you embarrass yourself for the third time. I’m a doctor, Jim. I’m busy.”

“Bones, it doesn’t bother you that no one’s ever passed the test?”

“Jim, it’s the Koboyashi Maru. No one passes the test. And no one goes back for seconds, let alone thirds.”

“I gotta study.” Jim needed to lock down his key to the test. A few hours later, he met Gaila for coffee and gladly took the Orion up on her invitation back to her apartment. Though he and Gaila enjoyed a long-time mutually beneficially arrangement, Jim hadn’t indulged himself with her since before he’d left on the Farragut. And, truth be told, he wasn’t really all that interested in her now. Still, he needed her help, however unwitting, and so, as the saying went, needs must.

When she slipped off to the bathroom, he commandeered her PADD and quickly set up his ticket out of the Maru. He was just edging toward the door when she came out of the bathroom wearing skimpy black lingerie and a smile. He might still have gotten out the door if she hadn’t hit him with a blast of Orion pheromones. Dazed, Jim let her strip his cadet reds off him and tumbled onto the bed with her.

It had been a long time since Jim had indulged himself with more than his own hand and private, filthy fantasies of himself and Bones. He wanted to have fun with Gaila but the smell was all wrong. The Orion girl smelled of lilies and roses, sweet. He blocked out the thought of Bones’ scent—citrus, bourbon, spicy. He shut his eyes as he ran his hands through her hair and tried to pretend the tight curls were soft, raven black, straight. He kissed his way down her neck, wanting to be tempted, wishing he could shut his thoughts of the man who held his heart. Then, she said “Jim, I think I love you.”

And, to his dying day, he couldn’t think of this next moment without squirming. “That is so weird.”

“Lights.” She snapped. He couldn’t say it to her. He couldn’t. There was only one person he could ever imagine saying those words to. Why did he have to fall in love with a cranky, hetrosexual, aviaphobic male doctor? Why couldn’t he ever do anything the simple, easy way? As he lay on the floor next to her bed, absently listening to Uhura—no amount of begging Gaila would get her to tell him Uhura’s first name— he noticed how relieved he felt that he wasn’t going to have to go through with sleeping with Gaila. Because that would feel like cheating on Bones.

And wasn’t Jim just fucked if that was the way he was thinking?

* * *

Meanwhile, across campus, Bones rang the doorbell at the Pike household. Hannah Pike, lovely and coltish at 17, answered the door.

“Hi, Doctor McCoy.”

“Hi sweetie.” Hannah adored both Jim and Bones after Jim’s intervention with the Gary Mitchell situation. She reminded Bones of his little sister, Molly, and sometimes it hurt. But he didn’t have time to think of his own family now. “Is your daddy here?”

“Yeah, just got home. He’s in his study.” She waved him to the back of the house.

“Leonard! I just got back from the Enterprise. You want to see holos?” Christopher pressed a bourbon into his hand. “She’s going to launch this summer. I’m hoping you’ll join me aboard.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Somehow, I expected a bit more delight at being assigned to the Federation’s flagship. I’m sensing this isn’t a social call.” Chris sat in the leather chair across from his desk and gestured Bones into the other.

“Jim’s taking the Maru again tomorrow.”

“What?” Christopher’s jaw sagged and Bones plainly saw the shock on his features. So he hadn’t known then. Bones wasn’t sure if that was better or worse. “Who approved that?”

“I don’t know for certain, sir. I think it was Admiral Marcus.”

“Marcus?” Pike looked stunned. “Jim Kirk got permission to take the Maru again from the head of Starfleet?”

“Well, I know Barnett turned him down before Christmas. Made for a right bit of cheer around our dorm, I can tell you. I think he met up with Marcus when his mama was here, you know, for Remembrance Day.”

“I cannot believe that he got into see Marcus. I can’t even get in to see Marcus.” Pike said, awe in his voice.

“He’s Jim Kirk. I’ve never known him not to get what he sets his mind to.” Bones said, resignation and wonder warring in his voice, as he twirled his cut crystal tumbler around in his hand. For several silent moments, the clinking ice was the only sound in the room. “ Chris, I don’t…he was so shattered last time. I don’t know how to pick up the pieces again.”

“He wasn’t the first to take it twice. I did. The test is unwinneable, unbeatable. Naveen despaired of me. It’s hard to see someone you love throw themselves at a brick wall, isn’t it?”

“Jim just won’t accept it. We’re graduating in a few months…maybe when he gets his diploma he’ll realize…” He set his untouched bourbon on a side table and raked his hands through his hair, staring at the intricately patterned plush carpet.

“Do you want me to talk to him?”

“I’ve tried. Every day. But…”

“When he fails tomorrow, bring him here. I’ll talk to him.”

“Okay. Thank you, sir.”

* * *

The next morning, Bones slipped into the locker room to change into his blue flight suit. He’d had to do some fancy footwork to rearrange his schedule to be here for the Maru. As much as he loved Jim, he dreaded this round. But, from what Jim shared with him about his meeting with Marcus, today was the last time he’d have to watch Jim fling himself at this particular wall.

He filed into the testing room, taking his place at the helmsman’s chair. Bones was just barely qualified to do this, didn’t really know what most of the buttons did, and truthfully, didn’t much care. Thankfully, the simulation, once started, basically ran itself. He eyed the windows above, knowing that the instructors were already watching from on high. He wondered if Pike was there and hoped so. Nyota took her place in the commo chair and shook her head at him, her lips pressed tightly together. Despite their frequent sparring, Bones knew that Nyota didn’t want to watch Jim embarrass himself again either. It’d been painful enough the first two times.

The crew sat silent as they were—again—briefed on the mission. Klingons…rescue…blah…blah. Confident, calm, smiling, Jim strode onto the bridge—the only person who could make these blue monkey suits look sexy. Bones sighed. Looked like Jim was in full jackass persona. Belatedly, when the kid next to him shouted, “Captain on the bridge,” Bones realized he should have announced Jim’s entrance. Jim took a turn around the bridge, laughing and joking with the crew. Jim would be a fantastic captain, of that Bones never doubted. Inexplicably, Jim carried a bright red, glossy apple, tossing it idly from hand to hand, as he chatted with the crew.

“Ready to get started?” A disembodied voice boomed from above and Jim slapped the back of the crew member he’d been talking too. As he passed Bones’ chair, he squeezed his shoulder before taking his seat in the chair, carefully stowing his apple next to him. What was the kid up to now?

The next few moments passed in a blur.

Jim told Uhura to call him Captain. It only just figured the kid would want to be called that. Bones informed Jim that the Klingons were locking weapons on them. He received the stunning response of “That’s ok.”

“That’s ok?”

He turned to glare at the kid who simply smirked at him. “Don’t worry about it.”

He loved the man but there was no question that Jim could be one of the most infuriating men on the planet. He’d like to strangle him. Bones really did have things to do, damn it. Jim sparred with Nyota over alerting medical—where Bones would infinitely rather be than futily trying to convince Jim to fire on the Klingons.

“Our ship is being hit. Should we, I don’t know, fire back?”

“No.”

As Bones fiddled with the controls, he heard the unmistakeable sound of Jim crunching into that juicy red apple. What the actual fuck was the kid playing at? He turned to stare and then exchanged glances with Nyota again. Maybe Jim was trying to get attention, trying to show his contempt and fury over being placed in an unwinnable simulation…

The lights flickered and Bones felt a brief stab of panic that he’d accidentally hit a wrong button, scanning the incomprehensible display to figure out what went wrong. When the sim stabilized, Jim ordered them to fire on the Klingon warbirds.

“Jim, their shields are up.” Bones said in exasperation before remembering he should have called him captain.

“Are they?”

Bones glanced back at the display and realized that, no, in fact they weren’t. Within seconds, the warbirds were destroyed and Jim gave the order to rescue the stranded passengers.

The kid did it! He’d beat that fucking test! Bones turned and smirked at the instructors, hoping Pike was there to share his pride in this moment. Jim slapped him on the shoulders, his hands lingering for a second on his shoulder blades, awareness spiraling through his bloodstream. If only they were alone, Bones might actually have kissed the jackass.

Instead, Jim stood, chewing on his apple, insouciantly staring up at the mirror windows, defiant and proud, “Anything else?”

Chapter Text

All that day, all anyone could talk about was Jim defeating the Maru. Bones lost count of the number of people who stopped him to ask just how Jim had managed that bit of sorcery. He truthfully answered that he didn’t know how, not troubling to conceal the pride in his voice each time. No doubt, Jim’s amazing hacking skills caused the test parameter change. Bones didn’t know the specifics and didn’t care. Nothing could puncture his pride in Jim’s accomplishment. The kid won. He finally beat that damn test!

After a long day of classes, medbay rounds, and dinner alone in the dining hall, Jim nowhere to be found, Bones returned to the dorm and changed into street clothes. The celebration at the Purple Squirrel would be one for the history books tonight and, for once, Bones was actually looking forward to it. Just before sunset, Jim strode into the room, still wearing his test center blue jumpsuit. Bones bounded across he room to him, crowing, “You did it, kid! You did it! I am so proud of you.”

“Time to claim my reward.” Jim grinned at him, his blue eyes locking on Bones’ face before he grabbed the back of Bones’ neck and kissed him. Jim tasted like apples and smelled like sunshine. They stumbled into the wall, Jim pressing against him from shoulder to hip, the cool metal wall a sharp contrast to the warmth of Jim at his front. After a few frozen, stunned seconds, Bones gave in and kissed him back, exploring Jim’s mouth. Jim’s hands fisted in Bones’ hair, pulling hard enough that it should hurt as Bones’ cradled his cheek and delivered bruising, biting kisses in return.

Bones walked Jim backwards toward the bunks, both of them trying to touch each other everywhere at once. They tripped over the sofa and tumbled onto Jim’s bunk together, still kissing. Jim straddled Bones, pinning him to the bed with his hips before raising his head, his eyes impossibly blue as he whispered through his kiss-stung lips, “Are we finally gonna do this?”

Whether they were going to be together for just this one night or something more, Bones could not wait any longer. He wanted this too much, for too long, to hold out now. Bones didn’t bother to answer, instead tugging at the zipper at the neck of the jumpsuit. He opened the fabric to Jim’s waist, revealing the muscular chest beneath. Palms flat against Jim’s stomach, he slid his hands, up Jim’s sculpted torso, over his pebbled nipples, up the side of his ribcage, to help him slide the jumpsuit off his arms. Jim rocked against him, aligning their erections through the layers of their clothing. Bones jolted against him, fearing he’d go off in his pants like a teenager. The golden light from the sunset gilded Jim’s pale skin, his golden, sunshine boy. Jim’s eyes turned dark, nearly cobalt, pupils blown wide, drunk on lust and desire.

With a wicked smile, Jim thumbed open the buttons on Bones’ shirt, following his hands with kisses, as Bones’ hips bucked underneath him. He trailed kisses down Bones’ flat, muscled stomach, as Bones gripped his shoulders, cradling his head, moaning wordless encouragement. Jim, relentless, brave, reckless, daring, unbuttoned Bones’ pants and then brushed his knuckles over the bulge there before sliding lower in the bed. Bones raised his head, watching Jim mouth at the thin fabric of his briefs before blowing cool air over his heated skin. Jim’s clever fingers freed Bones’ cock, sliding his briefs off easily, and then, his indigo eyes never leaving Bones’ face, swallowed him down.

Bones cried Jim’s name, arching up, instinct making him thrust, as his head slammed back into the pillows. And damn if Jim didn’t take all of him, deep throating him as he hummed and licked and sucked and proved that he was just as talented in this arena as he was in all the others. He rolled and tugged Bones’ balls, fingering the ridge behind them expertly. And it had been too long, too many nights with just his own hands and his every filthy, naughty, unfulfilled fantasy of Jim. Bones tipped into orgasm, white lights exploding behind his eyelids as he shuddered and sobbed Jim’s name.

Jim pushed Bones’ pants off before grabbing for the nightstand. Naked, Bones reclined on his back, still panting from his shattering release when Jim’s lube-slicked fingers brushed his entrance. Jim worked his fingers inside him, opening him, making him ready for Jim’s invasion. As if he ever could be ready for him or be prepared for the force of nature that was Jim Kirk. He tilted his hips up, pulling Jim closer. He pushed the jumpsuit off Jim’s slim hips and groaned when he saw Jim’s rigid cock straining against his thin cotton underwear. He palmed Jim’s cock, eager and ready to feel him inside of him. Jim stood, shucking his clothing before crawling onto the bed between Bones’ thighs.

Jim shuddered above him, sucking in air, fighting for control. Hazel eyes met blue and Bones yanked Jim down to capture his plush mouth. Jim thrust deep, breaching him and Bones moaned through the burning stretch. When he was ready, Bones wrapped his thighs over Jim’s hips, pulling him closer as Jim slipped a bit deeper inside him. Bones kissed him, arms around his shoulders, pressed together completely.

“Fuck me, Jimmy. Please.” Bones begged, in a voice gone hoarse with desire. Jim wrapped his hand around Bones’ cock, using the other hand to brace himself on the headboard as he fucked him with hard, savage thrusts, their bodies’ slapping together. Bones pulled Jim’s mouth back to his, kissing him as the welcome waves of his second orgasm crashed through him. Jim collapsed on his lover’s chest, quaking in the aftershocks of his own release, his head over Bones’ still pounding heart.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity, Jim raised his head to look at Bones, eyes wide and shocked. Bones thought of all his careful planning of vacation getaways and creative ways to shield his heart. What a waste of time. In the end, this was so them—Jim’s instinct to leap before looking and to drag Bones along with him. And now they were here, on the other side of their reckless, daring jump. No longer friends but… what? Bones stared up at him. Neither of them seemed to know what to say.

Finally, Jim grinned at him and said, “I knew we’d be good together. I didn’t know we’d be this good.”

“We gotta go to the party, kid. They’re all waiting on you.” Bones answered as Jim shifted to the side and Bones turned toward him, their legs tangling together, as they got comfortable, entwined together on the narrow bed.

Jim braided his fingers with Bones and squeezed. Bones squeezed back, leaning over to brush a kiss over Jim’s bright hair. “I want to stay here, with you.”

“Now that’s not very command track of you.”

“Forget the party. I’m exactly where I want to be.” Jim said, before kissing him again. And Bones had to agree. He was exactly where he wanted to be too.

Chapter Text

The next morning, Bones woke just as the pearly light of dawn filled their tiny dorm room. Jim lay curled in his arms, his head resting on Bones’ shoulder, pressed together in Bones’ tiny bunk, warm and safe. Bones wouldn’t quite call this cuddling but it was close. They’d really worn each other out last night, making up for lost time. He smiled and brushed his lips over Jim’s bright hair. Last night had been everything he’d dreamed it would be and more.

Did they have any chance together? He and Jim were friends—best friends—and Bones desperately did not want to lose that as they navigated this change in their relationship. But he didn’t want to be Jim’s fuck buddy either. He couldn’t bear to watch Jim hop in and out of the rest of the Academy’s bed, especially not now that he knew what he was missing.

He and Pamela started as a drunken one-night-stand, after meeting at a frat party. Gradually, they pieced things together into more and eventually ended up married and then painfully divorced. When they hit rough times, their relationship disintegrated because it just didn’t have a strong foundation. The best relationships started out as friends so perhaps he and Jim could be more…

…If Jim would be willing to consider monogamy.

….And they would only have a few short months together before shipping out to different assignments, probably on different ends of the known universe.

…And assuming Jim would even be interested in a romantic relationship with a broken-down, aviaphobic, near alcoholic doctor. Bones didn’t kid himself—Jim could have anyone. Absolutely anyone. Why would he want Bones for more than a quick, celebratory fuck?

Jim stirred in his arms as the early morning light gilded his handsome face. Bones braced himself for the inevitable “thanks for the good time” speech.

“Hey.” Jim leaned up on his elbow and smiled sleepily down into Bones’ face. “You’re scowling quite a lot for this early in the morning. Let me see if I can fix that.” He dropped a quick kiss on Bones’ mouth before sliding under the blankets. He kissed his way down Bones’ chest and stomach before sucking the head of Bones’ already erect cock into his mouth. When Jim swallowed all of him down, Bones pushed all of his worries aside and surrendered to the moment.

Several hours later, as they lay entwined together in the afterglow yet again, both their comms blared out the Academy all hands code. Jim dropped sleepy kisses along Bones’ shoulder as he grabbed his COMM and squinted at the tiny display.

“Special assembly in an hour.” Bones read aloud. “Wonder what that’s about?”

“I bet I’m getting a commendation. First cadet ever to beat the Maru.” Jim grinned at him.

“I never got a chance to ask. What’d you do? How’d you do it?”

Jim straddled him, smiling happily down at him, before leaning down to give him a smacking kiss. “I’ll tell you later. First, I have some more celebrating to do.”

* * *

After Jim insisted on showering together, they barely made it to the assembly hall in time. They raced across campus, Jim smirking and crowing about his commendation all the way there. Bones tugged at the collar of his cadet jacket, hoping that he’d managed to erase the worst of Jim’s marks with the dermal regenerator. He ached all over from their endless hours of lovemaking. All he wanted to do was tumble back into bed with Jim and re-capture the magic of the night before. If Jim would even consider a second time…

“You look great, Bones. Wait until you see what I’ve got planned for us later…” Bones glanced at him and watched as Jim’s eyes dropped to Bones’ mouth. Did Jim mean that he wanted to continue their…whatever last night had been?

“Jim!” Gaila called to them. Jim swung around to greet her with a smile, waiting for her to dash the rest of the way up the steps. “How are you this beautiful morning, Gaila?”

“Don’t you give me that.” Bones started at the raw fury in her voice, jerked out of his thoughts of another romantic night with Jim. “I thought you were my friend, James Kirk. I trusted you. I loved you.”

Before either of them could move, Gaila’s palm connected with Jim’s cheek in an echoing slap, sending the back of his head into Bones’ shoulder. Several cadets stopped to stare, causing a backup on the front steps of the assembly hall. More than one whipped out their comms to record the altercation. When she raised her other arm, Bones grabbed her wrist and said, “Gaila, sweetheart, calm down.”

She sucked in a breath through her nostrils and her eyes widened, staring at Bones. She swallowed and said low, “So, Doctor McCoy, he made you his whore too?”

Bones’ mouth dropped open as she yanked her arm out of Bones’ grip and stormed away. Nyota put her arm around her and shook her head at Jim before guiding Gaila into the auditorium. What in the hell was going on here? Bones looked at Jim, his palm pressed to his reddened face, his eyes locked on the ground. Bones had always assumed that Jim and Gaila enjoyed a friends-with-benefits arrangement. Maybe Gaila thought they’d been exclusive? Did Gaila want more from Jim and viewed Bones as in the way?

“Jim…”

“Not here, Bones.” Bones followed a silent Jim to their seats, just a few rows up from the front. Bones watched, apprehension rising as the senior teaching staff of the Academy filed in. When Barrett strode into the room, Bones bit his lip and glanced at Jim, who stared at his knees. This much fuss couldn’t possibly be all for Jim, could it?

Then Barrett called for Jim to step forward. Were they actually accusing Jim of cheating? How could it have come to this? All because of that goddamn test that the kid was obsessed with. After everything he and Chris Pike had done to keep Jim here and focused on his studies, how could he throw it all away like this over some stupid test?

Bones listened as the Vulcan made the same points that he and Gaila used for months to dissuade Jim from tangling with the Maru again. The hell of it was, Bones agreed with the Vulcan. But Jim…he just couldn’t accept facing a no-win scenario. What had he done? Bones glanced over at Gaila, worrying his bottom lip. Could Jim, driven to desperation in his frustration over the test, really have cheated?

And just then, realization dawned. Jim’s famous hacking skills…Somehow connected to Gaila…that’s how Jim had changed the parameters of the test. So, Bones thought as his stomach clenched, Jim had cheated.

Not from Jim’s perspective, of course. Jim would never intentionally cheat. Jim wouldn’t see it that way. He just viewed it as changing the parameters, winning at all cost, wiggling out of a desperate situation. Bones considered the classified files he’d read on Tarsus. Jim’s blind determination served him well there and, to Jim, this was just more of the same. He didn’t really understand academic life and all the rules…

Bones didn’t see how the kid could get out of this one. Maybe Pike could get him off with a warning or a suspension…Bones glanced at Pike, his face set and his eyes cold as he watched Jim argue with the Vulcan. Perhaps not then…

And then the Vulcan—cold blooded and emotionless as a droid—brought up the ghost in the room. Heroic George Kirk. He watched as Jim’s shoulders visibly tensed and heard the anger and hurt in his voice. Bones didn’t need his psych degree to figure that one out. George lost his life to the ultimate, no-win scenario. Some might see that he’d won a victory that day, saving 800 lives, including his newborn son. But that baby—grown-up now—refused to accept the same fate.

Thankfully, the distress call interrupted the proceedings. At least he wouldn’t have to watch them throw Jim out on his ear today. Instead of heading for the exit, Bones walked up to Jim, wanting nothing more to than to pull him close and hold him. Instead, he placed a palm on Jim’s back, aching for the hurt he saw in those sky blue eyes. If they weren’t mustering, he’d go back to the dorm with him and make a plan for how they’d get Jim out of this.

Because they hadto get Jim out of this. Bones couldn’t survive Starfleet without Jim Kirk.

Chapter Text

They didn’t call Jim’s name. Just as Pike promised, not two days before, Bones got assigned to the Enterprise. But Jim…his future was just a big blank. Bones trailed after Jim as he pursued his assignment, warily eyeing the shuttles overhead and swallowing against the acidic queasiness churning in his stomach. Good thing they hadn’t had time for breakfast.

“Kirk, you’re on academic suspension. You’re grounded until the board rules.” The commander said before rushing off.

Jim’s shoulders dropped. Bones sighed. He’d suspected as much when they didn’t call Jim’s name. He tried to think of something comforting to say to the defeated slope of Jim’s back. “Jim, the board will rule in your favor, most likely. Look, Jim, I’ve gotta go.”

Jim turned and gave Bones a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah, you go. Be safe.”

Bones met Jim’s eyes, those incredible blue eyes, and wondered how on earth they’d ended up here. Not two hours before, he’d stared into the endless depths of those eyes as Jim knelt before him in their tiny dorm shower. And now, Bones had to go board a shuttle and actually leave Jim standing here, alone in the shuttle bay. He had no idea how to say goodbye.

When he’d been at this point in his relationship with Pamela, when things were all shiny, happy, and new before the disaster of the divorce, he’d have leaned over and kissed her goodbye. Just a quick peck and a brief embrace at this moment of parting. Instinctively, he wanted to embrace Jim now. But, Bones had no idea what this is, what lay between them now, what’s changed… Was last night just a one time deal? Now wasn’t the moment to talk about it. Instead of the kiss that he wanted, Bones simply shook Jim’s hand, just the press of their palms together enough to cause awareness to spark through Bones.

Duty called. Bones turned, walked away, and got only a few steps in before he stopped. He’d never, in any scenario, imagined sailing into the stars and leaving Jim behind. How could he just leave him standing there, looking all pathetic? In an instant, the last two and a half years flashed through his head. He thought of their first shuttle ride together, all the times Jim took them up in a purloined shuttle, coaxing Bones through his fears, of all they’ve been to each other, not only last night but since the moment he’d shared his flask with Jim.

He couldn’t just leave Jim there. And he couldn’t desert his own post. So how was he going to get Jim on that shuttle? Inspiration struck via an old med school story that Elizabeth told him, what seemed like a lifetime ago. He whirled around, returned to Jim’s side, and grabbed his arm.

“Come with me.”

* * *

After inducing Jim’s allergic reaction, getting him on the Enterprise was the easy part. Once the shuttle docked and their fellow cadets dutifully filed off, Bones led a miserable Jim from the shuttle bay onto the Enterprise into the changing rooms.

“Come on, kid, let’s get you changed.” Bones pulled Jim into a stall with him and gently tugged his red cadet jacket off.

“Everything itches, Bones.” Jim wiggled out of his pants in the tight confines of the changing room.

“That’s just the reaction. You’re fine.” Still, Bones glanced at Jim’s skin more closely just to make sure. He flushed when he caught sight of a bite mark on Jim’s hip. Hot, primal pride flashed through him at the knowledge that he’d marked Jim. His fingers shook at just the memory of all the things they’d done to each other the night before.

Even as they toppled into bed, Bones knew that, given Jim’s history of one-night stands, he was just another notch in his bedpost, just one more person off Jim’s academy to-do list. In less then six months, they’d graduate and separate. Bones could endure the pain of watching Jim toddle off with one conquest after another until then. No matter what else happened, he had the memory of them wrapped around each other to carry with him into the cold blackness of space. And he was suddenly, fiercely, glad of it.

Bones stood, pulling the regulation black undershirt over Jim’s head and helping him thread his arms into the shirt like a cranky toddler. As Bones smoothed the shirt gently over Jim’s torso, Jim burrowed against his chest, snuggling close, and whispered, “You always make me feel safe, Bones.”

Despite the fact that he had no fucking idea what is going on between them and he’d just risked everything he’d worked so hard for at the Academy, Bones pulled him close. He wrapped his arms around Jim, enjoying the warm weight of him against his chest. Bones brushed a light kiss over Jim’s bright hair. He didn’t think Jim felt safe very often.

They stood, holding each other for a just a few seconds before Jim broke away from their embrace. “I’m sweating, Bones. It feels like every pore in my body’s opened up.”

“You’ll be ok.” Bones grabbed his own uniform out of the replicator and glared at the thin gold stripe above the thick Lieutenant stripe.

“Why the hell does this have double stripes on it?”

“Figures you’d outrank me.” Jim moaned. “Bones, you are the best doctor they have and you’re about to get a double degree. Of course you’re going to be commissioned as a Lieutenant Commander”

Bones shook his head and stuffed the shirt back into the replicator. “Damned thing is wonky. I’ll change later. Come on.”

Chapter Text

In retrospect, Bones wished he’d left Jim standing in shuttle hanger one. No matter how pathetic he’d looked. How else did Bones, on his first milk run out of the Academy, end up on the bridge of the Federation flagship with his stowaway roommate? What causation chain land him in this fucked-up situation? Only Jim could get them into this mess.

Jim continued to argue with Christopher, desperate to persuade him, much like the many debates Bones had watched them have over the Pike’s dinner table while he chatted with Jennifer and Hannah. But this time, instead of a hypothetical situation or a dissection of some historical battle, this time was real. All too real.

Delusions and paranoia were not known side effects of the Mulvaran Mud Flea vaccine. Plus, the last hypos Bones administered should have knocked out any allergic reaction. Jim should be sleepy from the antihistamine, not passionately arguing with Pike. When Jim mentioned his birth, Bones knew that he was serious. Jim wouldn’t mention the Kelvin without a good reason. Bones met Christopher’s eyes for a second. Both of them trusted Jim implicitly. Was it possible they were flying into a trap? Could Romulans really be waiting for them on the other side?

Though he wasn’t a command cadet, even Bones saw the sense of emerging from warp with their shields up. Part of him wondered why this wasn’t a standard safety practice to begin with. Pike gave the protective orders seconds before they dropped out of warp directly into hell.

As the Enterprise tumbled through space, exercising every evasive maneuver possible, Bones’ gaze stayed glued to the screen, even as he clung to the nearest bridge station. Too shocked to be scared, at first, he couldn’t make sense of what he saw. Then he realized that they’d flown into a graveyard. All those broken ships in pieces, flung like a toddler’s blocks, contained what remained of his fellow cadets, his friends, his classmates, gone now, scattered among the stars.

And then, as Bones still struggled to grasp the tragedy of the enormous loss of life, knowing that there was nothing he could do to help, that malevolent, hulking ship that looked like nothing he’d ever seen before filled the screen. What the hell was that monstrosity? Jim’s words echoed, “That ship, which had formidable and advanced weaponry, was never seen or heard from again.”

Until today.

Jim had been right, completely, totally right, in a situation beyond impossible. He glanced at Jim’s face, set and determined, as he watched the detritus of the Academy’s armada spin past them. Jim’s blue eyes locked on his face, just for an instant. Were they going to die here, in space, in a ship torn to bits? If so, Bones had the cold comfort that he’d be at Jim’s side.

The Romulan hailed them and Nero’s face swam into view. Here was the madman who’d killed Jim’s father. And he called out Spock, Jim’s accuser, and wanted him to see something. This could not be good. Bones and Jim exchanged stunned glances. Nero summoned Christopher to his side to negotiate. And then hell froze over as Spock and Jim agreed that Chris shouldn’t go. Pike glanced into Bones’ face. He understood, possibly better than Spock, certainly better than Jim. Pike would go. He had no choice, if he didn’t want Nero to rain down the same fate on the Enterprise that had befallen their fellow cadets.

They filed onto the elevator together and Bones met Jim’s eyes as the doors whooshed open on the shuttle bay floor. With just a slight nod of his head, Jim filed off the elevator with Spock, Pike, and the navigator. With so many witnesses, he couldn’t say anything as Jim went off to fight in some mysterious, no doubt dangerous hand-to-hand combat mission. He remembered Jim’s words to him in the shuttle bay, just a few hours before, and tried to communicate them now without saying anything. “Go. Be safe.”

As the doors whisked shut, Bones whispered, “Come back to me.”

Chapter Text

“How’d you hurt your hand?” After the last casualty was stabilized and the few rescued Vulcans cared for as best he could, Bones stepped over to Jim, still slouched on a bio-bed in their temporary medbay.

“A Romulan stomped on it.” Jim smirked at him, all cocky defiance and brash attitude covering up the fear that lay beneath. Bones understood. He had to put his worry for Jim and for Christopher aside long enough to be a doctor. Didn’t mean the emotions weren’t still there, bubbling beneath.

“Jim…” Bones shook his head and took Jim’s injured hand, cradling it between his own, running his fingers lightly over the bandage, wishing he had the equipment to fix it properly. “Does it hurt?”

“Nah. Your nurse took good care of me.” His fingers tightened briefly around Bones’ hand, a quick, reassuring squeeze. “See, we space-jumped down to turn off the drill and…”

“Space-jumped. Yeah, right, kid.” Bones laughed and then watched Jim raise an eyebrow. “Wait. You’re not kidding?”

“Nope.” Jim grinned broadly at him, beaming as bright as the sun. Bones couldn’t help but grin back. Despite everything, they were safe. Even if just for a moment, Bones wanted to savor it.

“Are you hurt anywhere else?” Bones scanned Jim, looking for obvious injuries but, apart from a few already healing scrapes on his face, his…whatever Jim was to him…seemed otherwise unhurt.

Instead of answering, Jim asked. “Is this the same medbay we were in before?”

“No, we took a direct hit. I’m the only doctor left on board. Got a field promotion.” Bones sighed, still idly caressing Jim’s palm. He’d been a cadet at the Academy not twelve hours before. Now he was CMO of the flagship with a missing captain and most of his colleagues dead. He closed his eyes, not wanting to think of it, trying to delay feeling the grief as long as possible. So long as he could compartmentalize it, he could do his job and live up to the faith that Pike and Jim placed in him.

“See, told ya you’d be a CMO someday. Congrats, Bones.” With his free hand, Jim slapped Bones on the shoulder. The bleakness in his eyes belied his casual words. Their eyes met and held as Jim’s other hand wrapped around his own. Jim’s warm palm slid from his shoulder to caress his bicep, pulling him closer. Jim’s gaze fell to Bones’ mouth and then back up again as he leaned closer, his eyes heavy-lidded. Bones leaned forward to kiss him, pulled into the gravitational force of being with Jim again. Their breath mingled, their mouths just a fraction of an inch apart, when the comm beeped.

“Doctor McCoy, please report to the bridge.” Uhura’s cool, calm voice shattered the moment. Bones stepped back and glanced around. No one in the temporary medbay appeared to have noticed their near kiss.

Jim patted his arm and jumped down from the bio-bed. “I’ll come with you.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“It’ll be fine.” Jim followed him into the elevator and Bones thought of an expression his grandmother’d liked to use: famous last words.

Chapter Text

Arguing about time travel gave Bones a headache. Exhausted, hungry and strung out, Bones’ brain cramped as he tried to wrap his mind around their current predicament. Spock believed that Nero was from the future and Jim seemed content to go along with his delusion. It had to be a delusion, didn’t it? Was time travel actually possible? And the thought of possible alternate realities was just too much to even contemplate.

Spock wanted to rendezvous with the fleet and Jim, angry and heartsick with worry over Pike, wanted to chase Nero. No doubt he felt he had a personal score to settle with the Romulan too. With commo still out, they had to make their next decision alone, with no guidance or interference from the Starfleet brass. Bones scanned the rag-tag bunch of cadets on the bridge, who mostly looked like they were playing dress-up in their parents clothes. But this was no Academy simulation, with safe parameters and experienced instructors looking on.

Bones felt woefully unprepared for this moment. Here he was the Acting Chief Medical Officer, the most senior officer on board next to Spock. He should have years of experience to guide him in his recommendations to the captain. Instead, a mere day ago, he’d been a cadet watching Jim beat the Maru.

He wanted little more than to rendezvous with the rest of fleet and to turn over this massive responsibility to more senior, more experienced officers. But, he also saw the sense in Jim’s proposal. If they didn’t stop Nero, who would? Jim argued passionately against meeting the fleet, yelling in frustration at Spock. Bones shook his head at him. That wasn’t the way to convince Spock. Calm logic and cool reason were the only way to sway the Vulcan.

“I will not allow us to go backwards!” Jim roared.

“I alone am in command.” Spock answered, in that damnably cool, logical voice, which Bones knew would only serve to further infuriate Jim.

“He’s the Captain.” Bones shouted over Jim, desperate to calm him down. Jim merely glared at him as he continued to try to make his point as loudly as possible.

“Security, escort him out.” Jim’s eyes met his over Spock’s shoulder and Bones tried to communicate to him: calm down, re-group, take a breath. Instead, Jim fought the security officers, using all his best bar fight moves.

“Enough, Jim!” Bones yelled, desperate for him to see sense and reason. In seconds, Spock felled him with a Vulcan nerve pinch. Jim slumped to the floor in a heap. Maybe a brief nap would calm him down. Bones glanced at the injured security officers but, as they managed to stand, neither seemed in immediate need of his attention.

“Get him off this ship.” Spock ordered. And Bones’ blood froze in his veins.

“No, Captain. Please.” Bones begged, rushing toward Spock and the still prone Jim. Spock turned to glare at him, his face implacable. “Put him in the brig. I’ll sedate him. Just…please. Please, Captain, don’t do this.”

Even as he said it, he knew it was futile. Spock and Jim’s animosity went far too deep. Spock had tried, extending the olive branch to Jim and seeking his input. Jim’s insubordinate outburst, in Spock’s unfeeling view, was little short of mutiny. Spock turned to the redshirts, giving orders to maroon Jim, just as three more security officers arrived. With dread, Bones recognized one of them as Cupcake. The redshirts hoisted a still unconscious Jim off the floor and hauled him toward the elevators. Bones followed.

“Doctor McCoy, where do you think you’re going?” Spock said. And Bones desperately wanted to haul off and sock him right in his Vulcan mouth. First, do no harm… He bit the inside of his cheek and pressed his lips together, clenching his hands into fists at his side.

“I’ll…make sure he gets off alright.”

Spock stepped closer and spoke in a low, venomous tone. “You aren’t thinking of helping Mr. Kirk, are you? Mr. Kirk is a mutineer. Helping him equates to mutiny too. You’re the only doctor left on this ship. Surely your Hippocratic oath means more to you than that.”

Nyota stood at Spock’s shoulder, tugging on his bicep. “Spock, Kirk and Doctor McCoy are good…friends.” Here she glanced at Bones, despair in her eyes. “Let him see him into the pod.”

“Very well.” Spock nodded. “Ensure Mr. Kirk gets off this ship and return to your duty station, Doctor.”

Bones walked behind the security team, desperately trying to formulate a plan, any plan, as they dragged Jim to the escape pods. Jim would try to overtake them in hand-to-hand combat but Bones didn’t have anything like his fighting skills. He could sedate one or two of them with the emergency medi-kits posted on each corridor wall but there were five of them and one of him. And they had phasers. He’d be lucky to wake up in the brig.

Plus, loathe though he was to admit it, Spock was right. He had patients in medbay and there would no doubt be further casualties in need of his attention. As a doctor, he couldn’t desert his post, no matter how much he might want to help Jim. He scrubbed a hand over his face, trying to find a way out of his impossible situation.

Cupcake glanced at Bones as they secured Jim in the pod. “I’ve gotta go get some cold weather gear. Be right back.” He stepped away and said, low, to the other redshirts, “Give them a minute.”

Every single one of them knew that the pods were always stocked with gear for all climates and terrains. Bones wondered at the world when Cupcake was allowing him a moment of comfort. He crawled into the pod, ensuring that Jim’s safety harness was secure, feeling his heartbeat, strong and sure, beneath his hand. He cupped the still unconscious Jim’s cheek, brushing his thumb over the abrasions there.

Now, finally, in this moment of forced separation, Bones fully realized the depth of his feelings for Jim. He’d fought for so long to deny it, to minimize it, in a futile, desperate attempt to protect himself from the consequences. As if he could. As if he’d ever had the slightest chance of resistance against the force of nature that was Jim Kirk.

Leonard McCoy loved Jim Kirk. Deeply, utterly, completely.

And he may never have the chance to tell him thanks to a crazed Romulan and a not-so-sane Vulcan. He whispered to a motionless, unresponsive Jim, “Be safe, darlin.” He pressed a kiss to his cheek and crawled back out of the pod. The door slammed shut and Cupcake programmed the sequence to hurl Jim into space.

“He’ll be safe on Delta Vega, Doctor McCoy. There’s a Starfleet outpost nearby.” Cupcake said gruffly before walking away as Bones watched the tiny pod tumble through space via the porthole until it was out of sight.

Chapter Text

The second summons from the bridge woke Bones out of a sound sleep. After his terse discussion with Spock, it’d taken him hours to fall asleep. He’d spent hours staring at the ceiling, thinking of vicious comebacks to toss at that green blooded hobgoblin bastard and of Jim, shivering and alone, abandoned on Delta Vega. Finally, exhaustion overtook him and he felt into a blessedly dreamless sleep—for all of twenty minutes.

Bones desperately wanted to ignore the summons from the bridge. He wasn’t sure if he could see Spock again without punching him right in his Vulcan face. He climbed from his warm, comfortable bunk, grabbing his blue uniform shirt on the way out the door. He ached for Jim, missed him with each breath, still dazed at the realization that he was in love with him. When he heard Jim’s voice as he strode onto the bridge, he thought it was an auditory hallucination, triggered by stress and despair.

“Your planet was just destroyed. Your mother murdered…” He came to a halt, blinking, and rubbed his eyes. Jim Kirk, alive and well, stood toe-to-toe with Spock, arguing again. They were traveling at warp. How could Jim possibly be back aboard the Enterprise? Bones glanced at Nyota and the other bridge crew as Jim and Spock continued to shout at each other. Everyone looked at stunned as he felt.

“You never loved her!” Jim yelled and Spock punched him. Bones hadn’t seen or spoken to his own mother in three years and he’d have punched Jim for that remark. He’d never known Jim to be deliberately cruel. Vicious verbal barbs were more his specialty.

The next few moments became a blur. Bones stared, too poleaxed to move, as Spock attacked Jim and Jim struggled to defend himself. Only Spock’s father’s quick intervention saved Jim’s life. And then, the hell of it was, as Jim gasped and coughed, laying on his back on the navigator’s panel, the Vulcan turned around and resigned to him, as the Chief Medical Officer. He nodded, accepting Spock’s resignation, stunned beyond belief, not sure he wasn’t still asleep and dreaming.

“I like this ship.” The dripping wet Scottish guy yelled. Where did Jim find this one? “You know? It’s exciting!”

“Well, congratulations, Jim. Now we’ve got no Captain and no goddamn First Officer to replace him.” Bones said, wondering what to do now. And then he realized. Jim provoked the Vulcan’s emotional reaction to invoke regulation 619, to get him to resign his commission. But why? What did he have to gain?

“Yeah, we do.” Jim rasped, his voice hoarse in his damaged throat.

“What?” Jim settled into the Captain’s Chair as the helmsman—who’s name Bones still didn’t know—said, “Pike made him first officer.”

“You gotta be kidding me.” Bones breathed as realization dawned. Jim emotionally compromised Spock to get what he’d always wanted most—the Captain’s chair. He gaped at his friend, still stunned, as Jim glared back at him, his eyes blazing and his jaw set.

“Thanks for the support.” Jim ducked his chin. Bones wanted to reassure him that he hadn’t meant it like that but…

Uhura stepped up, anger clear in her voice, “I sure hope you know what you’re doing, Captain.”

“So do I.” Jim’s gaze flickered to Bones before punching the communication buttons in his chair and addressing the ship. “…Either we’re going down or they are.”

After Jim finished speaking, Bones did the only thing he knew how to do: be a doctor. He grabbed the emergency medi-kit from the wall before returning to kneel beside the Captain’s chair. Before scanning him, Bones brushed his fingers over Jim’s already bruising throat.

“Don’t touch me, Doctor McCoy.” Jim hissed before knocking his hand away.

“Jim, let me look at your throat. You’re hurt.” Jim glared at him and their eyes locked. Less than two nights ago, Jim was moving inside him in their darkened dorm room, in one of the most intense and intimate encounters of his life. Yesterday, he’d woken up with Jim cradled in his arms. Now, he glared at him with raw fury in those impossibly blue eyes.

Bones ached to touch him, hold him, to feel him whole, safe, and sound beneath his hands, even as he knew this wasn’t their moment. If Jim ever had returned his feelings, or if he’d ever had any hope of a future with Jim, it was gone now. Jim would never forgive him for not supporting him against the Vulcan. Bones wasn’t sure he’d ever forgive himself for not helping Jim when Spock attacked him.

“Jim, I’m the only doctor left on the ship. Please let me treat your neck.” Bones pleaded in a low voice. Jim nodded and bit his lip before glancing away. Bones scanned him and, relieved to see no lasting damage, administered a pain blocker. He ordered an energy drink for Jim and pressed it into his hand. “Just sip it, okay?”

Bones rose from where he’d been kneeling next to the chair and whispered, “I’m sorry you’re angry with me, darlin.’ I’m glad you’re back.” Jim didn’t respond. He turned and headed for the lift to return to sickbay.

“Doctor McCoy, I need you.” Jim rasped. “I need you here on the bridge.”

Chapter Text

“Okay, everyone. We need to brainstorm here. Huddle up.” Jim called the senior bridge crew together. After letting him use his ready room to clean up, Jim introduced his Scottish friend to everyone and Bones finally learned the helmsman’s name is Sulu. The senior crew of the Enterprise gathered around the navigation station. Somehow, he ended up standing next to Jim. They brushed shoulders and Bones drew in a deep breath, settling into his accustomed place at Jim’s side. Just Jim’s presence made him feel steady, natural, right. Come what may, they’d tackle it together, just as they always did. In just a few moments, Jim and Spock, after his welcome return, concocted a plan to board the Narada.

“I’m coming with you.” Jim said. Just when Bones thought he had moved beyond terror, panic reared its ugly head again at the thought of Jim strolling into danger. If they didn’t stop Nero and the Narada, Earth would just be his next stop on his destruction tour of the Federation. Bones thought of all the people on earth they struggled to save… Mama, his sisters, his niece… In theory, he understood about the needs of the many outweighing the needs of the few but it was harder to put into practice than he’d imagined it would be.

“I would cite regulation, but I know you would simply ignore it.” Spock replied. Jim smacked Spock on the shoulder and, as he headed for the lift, Spock met Bones’ eyes, incredulous.

And all Bones could do was grin back. Because, yes, Jim is just that annoying. And just that brilliant. Jim Kirk was a force of nature who, with his sunny Iowan optimism reshaped Bones’ life completely from the moment they met on that shuttle, the way the wind shapes a sand dune or a river shapes its riverbed. He christened him Bones and helped him glue his jagged pieces together. Without Jim, Bones would never have been able to create a new life for himself out of the rubble of his past.

Jim turned at the lift doors and gave the conn to Sulu. His eyes met Bones for a heartbeat as he silently said goodbye. The smile slipped off Bones’ face. He raised his hand in a half wave, aching with the words still unsaid between them. Jim nodded at him and stepped into the lift, Spock and Uhura behind him. Bones watched until the doors slid shut.

He waited on the bridge until they dropped out of warp above Titan. Before he returned to medbay, he heard Jim order to Sulu to fire on the ship, even if he and Spock were still aboard. Damn self-sacrificing fool. Once Jim and Spock beamed aboard the Narada, Bones wandered down to sickbay, trying not to pace like a caged lion, as he listened to the comm channel Uhura opened for him. Half-remembered prayers from his forced tenure in Sunday school bubbled to his lips until all he could think was please, help, please in a continuous loop. Focus, McCoy, he ordered himself, and recited the symptoms for the worst xeno-diseases in his head, trying not to imagine what Jim and Spock were going through to save them all.

“Enterprise, now!” When he heard Jim’s strong, sure voice on the comm, he dashed for the transporter room, his medical team behind him, pounding down hallways as the ship shimmied and shook. Jim sounded unhurt but, until Bones saw him for himself, he wouldn’t be able to stop the worry and the fear that churned through him.

Running flat out, he turned the corner into the transporter room and there he was, his beloved Jim, safe and whole. Bones ran straight for him, only barely able to gasp out Jim’s name. In response, Jim said his name, that dumb nickname that only Jim ever called him, the most welcome sound ever. Instead of embracing Jim, as he most desperately wanted to, he supported Pike’s other side, reassuring Jim and Pike that he’d take care of him. Jim’s warm hand came up to squeeze his bicep as he handed off Chris’ care to him. And for just an instant, before Bones went into cool, collected surgeon’s mode, he and Jim smiled at each other and Bones swore that he saw all the love he felt for Jim reflected back to him and more.

Chapter Text

As the Enterprise limped back to Earth after their confrontation with Nero, Bones spent the first twelve hours in surgery, desperate to fix the damage inflicted on Captain Pike. Without Christopher Pike, Bones would probably have drunk himself to death long before now. He couldn’t think of Hannah and Jennifer waiting back on earth for Christopher’s safe return. The removal of the Centurion slug was all he could focus on right now—his job, his duty. After the ship stabilized, he stepped up to the table, clearing his mind of anything but the tricky surgery in front of him and got to work.

After the grueling surgery, Bones showered, checked on a still sleeping Chris, and walked out of the surgical recovery room into a darkened med-bay. Everything ached from exhaustion but the stims he took to keep him upright during surgery made him jittery. Curled on the nearest bio-bed, Jim slept, his head pillowed on his arm, still fully clothed.

“Jimmy?” Bones said, his voice hoarse from exhaustion. Jim blinked and sat up.

“Bones, is he…?”

“He’ll live, Jim. But he may never walk again.” Jim bent his head, sorrow written on his features. “At least the toxins didn’t affect his brain. He’ll still be himself, if maybe a bit less mobile.”

“You’ll have fixed him.”

“I’m a doctor, not a miracle worker.”

“You are both.” Jim said firmly, in that command tone that brooked no argument.

“Are we nearly home?” Bones asked, rubbing his burning eyes.

“We’re about ten days out from earth. We had to eject the warp core to escape the black hole.”

“I’m sure I’d like to hear the whole story but…maybe later.” Jim shifted on the bio-bed and winced. “Did you see a nurse? Get patched up?”

“I was waiting to see you.”

“The other med staff on board are perfectly capable of caring for you, Captain.” Bones was absurdly touched by Jim’s stubborn refusal to see anyone else and stepped closer to the bed, enabling the privacy shields as he did.

“They aren’t you. I wanted you.” Jim parted his legs to make room for him and Bones stepped between them. Bones cupped Jim’s cheeks in both hands and tilted his face up to look at him, rubbing his thumbs over Jim’s cheekbones. His precious, miraculous Jim returned to him. Jim’s arms wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him closer. “Will you kiss it all better, Bones?”

Bones brushed his lips over Jim’s gently before drawing away. Jim sighed, trying to pull him closer, wiggling against him, wrapping his legs around Bones’ hips.

“You are going to be a good patient and have this exam.” Bones slipped into cool, professional mode, tilting Jim’s head farther back so he could look at his throat. “Jim, there are two sets of bruises here.”

“Yeah, I got strangled by a Vulcan and a Romulan. Thanks for your help, by the way.” Jim said it, casually, in an off-hand way, but Bones heard the hurt underneath.

“I should have stepped in. I’m so sorry, Jimmy.”

“It’s ok, Bones. I know it was a surprise to see me. Uhura told me you tried to talk Spock out of marooning me.”

“I thought about going with you, to be honest. But…I had patients in sickbay. I couldn’t leave them, not even for you.” Jim nodded and closed his eyes as Bones continued his exam, working to stabilize Jim’s injuries. Cracked ribs seemed about the worst of it along with a colorful array of bruises. He didn’t have all the equipment he’d need to heal everything. He set the mini-osto-regen on Jim’s ribs, hoping to repair at least some of the damage, and administered pain meds and antibiotics. “How did you get on board when we were at warp?”

“It’s a long story, involving a giant ice crab, a sandwich-starved Scotsman, and a time traveler with a transwarp beaming equation. I’ll tell you the whole thing someday.” Jim dropped his forehead to Bones’ shoulder and snuggled into him.

Despite his exhaustion, Bones cuddled him against his chest, marveling at how right Jim felt in his arms. He held him close, waiting for the osto-regen to finish Jim’s first treatment. When it beeped, rousing Bones out of his standing-up doze, he unwrapped it from Jim and helped him from the table. Jim flung an arm over Bones’ neck and they turned for the door. Looked like they’d walk out of medbay the same way they walked in.

“Come on, darlin’, let’s get you to your quarters.”

“Don’t have quarters. I gave my room to the Vulcan high command.”

“Okay, you can come bunk with me.”

“Thought you’d never ask, Bones.”

They made their way to Bones’ quarters and, as Jim showered, Bones ordered up a simple meal of soup and sandwiches for them. They ate together in the darkened room in silence. Bones was very aware of the neatly made single bed in the corner though both he and Jim were far too exhausted to enjoy it. After they ate, they made their way to the bed and settled in on opposite sides. They lay in silence on their backs, watching the silvery star trails flashing past the tiny porthole. Jim sighed and threaded his fingers through Bones. They clasped hands and fell asleep.

Chapter Text

As a command cadet, Jim knew that the crew looked to him now to set morale, to give orders, to lead. Whenever he’d imagined himself and Bones exploring space, he’d never realized how incredibly difficult it would be to lead when his own emotions felt shredded and raw or how exhausting it was to keep a smile on his face and to be bubbly and optimistic with the crew when all he wanted to do was break down and cry.

On the third day, still achy, sore, and bruised everywhere, Jim sat in his ready room, resting his head on the desk, feeling at least four times his age. Uhura entered and stood, shifting from foot to foot.

“Out with it, whatever it is.” Jim said, too tired to raise his head.

“We’ll pass Vulcan—or where Vulcan should be—later this afternoon. All those ships…”

Jim had avoided thinking of the loss of so many of his fellow cadets, instructors, Federation crews, by keeping as busy as possible and focusing on the next task at hand to the exclusion of all else. Now, as they were about to inch past a new cosmic graveyard, something needed to be done to mark the occasion for the crew. And as Acting Captain, he needed to do it.

“We need a marker. I’ll talk to Scotty. And to Captain Pike.” In a supreme act of will, Jim dragged himself to his feet again, trying to ignore the fact that he ached everywhere.

As they cruised past the spot, Jim addressed the crew over the loudspeaker, from the Captain’s chair he’d fought so hard to win, speaking from the heart, about the loss of life, the sacrifices they’d all made that day and to honor the fallen. After it was over and the beacon safely set among the tattered ships and the Vulcan fragments, Jim retreated to his ready room and slumped behind his desk, his head in his hands, tears that stubbornly refused to fall burning behind his eyes.

The door from the hall whooshed open. Bones strode in and crossed the room to him. They locked gazes as Bones knelt next to his chair. He wrapped Jim in his arms, the only place Jim ever felt truly safe. Jim laid his head on his shoulder and clung to Bones as he finally fell apart. He soaked Bones’ blue shirt with tears as he wept for everything they’d lost, sobbing like a lost child. Bones just held him, rubbing slow circles on his back. When Jim cried himself out, he raised his head to look at Bones, swiping at his streaming eyes and runny nose.

“Darlin’…you have to rest. You’re working yourself too hard and you’re injured.”

“I’ve got to get us back to earth and…”

“We’re doing that. You dropping from exhaustion isn’t going to get us there any faster.” Bones took his hand, pulled Jim to his feet, and led him to the door. Hand-in-hand, they walked through the deserted corridors to Bones’ nearby quarters. Once there, Bones dimmed the lights and helped Jim to undress. Bones dressed him in a t-shirt, caring for him with brisk efficiency. He pushed Jim onto the bed and covered him with an extra blanket before rummaging in his closet for a spare blue shirt.

“Where are you going?”

“Back to medbay.”

“Oh, so you can work yourself to death but I can’t?”

“Jim, you’re injured. Your body needs time to heal…” Jim flung back the blankets and made to stand. When Bones rushed over, Jim grabbed his black undershirt and pulled him onto the bed. Bones rolled to his side to keep from sprawling over an injured Jim. Jim leaned up on his elbow and just looked at Bones, his beloved Bones. He’d waited so long to act on his deep feelings for Bones, afraid to risk losing him. Now, on the other side of disaster, Jim saw what a fool he’d been to risk waiting. He’d nearly lost it all. They were together, in a future they’d nearly lost. It was all he’d ever needed or wanted.

“I can’t sleep without you beside me.” They’d shared the bed for three nights, cuddling close in sleep and holding hands but nothing more. Jim kissed him then, slow and sweet and deep. Bones kissed him back, cradling the back of Jim’s head in his hand as they tangled together on the bed. Jim wrapped his leg over Bones’ hip, pressing them together, rocking his hips against him, eager and hungry just to feel anything other then despair again. Bones tore his mouth away and pressed Jim’s shoulders back.

“Jim, you are not recovered…” Jim ignored him, his nimble fingers sliding past the waist of Bones’ uniform pants to brush the head of his cock. Bones shuddered and then grabbed his wrist. Jim pressed kisses along his neck, licking his way up to Bones’ ear.

“I need this, Bones. I need you. I need us.” Jim said, rocking against him, fighting to align their hips. “Now kiss me again.”

Bones did. Though Jim was simply still too injured for any creative positioning, he wiggled out of his own underwear and pushed Bones’ pants low on his hips. He wriggled closer, never breaking their passionate kiss, and slid his cock against Bones rigid length, wrapping his hand around them both. Bones clutched at his hips and then abruptly let go, with a worried sound.

“It’s fine, Bones. You always make it better. It’s ok…just please.” Jim pleaded and Bones wrapped his own long fingered hand over Jim’s where he held them both together. He stroked once, twice, three times…. Bones groaned and kissed him again, coating Jim’s stomach before Jim followed him over the edge into bliss. When it was over, they laid on their sides, pressed against each other, neither wanting to be the first to let go. Bones shifted to peer down at Jim.

“Are you in pain, darlin’?”

“I like when you call me that.” Jim blurted and then felt heat flood his face. He never thought he’d go in for pet names, though he’d christened Bones as his from the moment he’d met him. “No, I’m just thinking.”

“Sounds dangerous.” Bones rubbed his shoulder and side idly, Jim curling against him like a contented cat.

“I never thought this would happen for us. I never thought that you’d be…that we’d be…here. I wanted this but…” Jim shook his head, frustrated at his inability to explain his feelings. “I realized when I came home from the Farragut last fall that I wasn’t home until I was with you.”

“After the Maru—I had no idea if it was a one time deal or what. When I saw you in that escape pod, and I realized I might never see you again, that’s when I finally realized it—or maybe just admitted it to myself. And I’d never told you.” Bones drew a deep breath but Jim pressed the pads of his fingers over Bones lips.

“I know, Bones. Me too.” Their eyes met in the darkened cabin and they smiled at each other. Bones took Jim’s hand, pressing a kiss to the back of his fingers. “Bones, if we do this, if we go for it, I’m all in. I can’t be anything else. Not with you.”

“I feel exactly the same, darlin.’” Gently, Bones rolled Jim over onto his back and kissed him. He laid down next to him and cuddled Jim against him. “Now go to sleep.”

Chapter Text

After ten days of drifting along, they were finally in sight of Earth and would be home within hours. In medbay, Jim sat with a slowly recovering Pike, strategizing how to cope with the Starfleet brass. Bones sat on the opposite side of the bed, playing with his hands and listening to them chat.

“Jim, when you left San Francisco, you were facing an honor committee and at best, a suspension from the Academy. Your roommate smuggled you on board. Now…”

“I’m willing to face the consequences of my actions.” Bones said.

“As am I.” Jim agreed.

“I imagine they can overlook your sins. You saved Earth and the Federation itself.”

“Jim did that. I didn’t.”

Pike rolled his eyes. “You saved me, McCoy. And all of us, indirectly, by smuggling Jim aboard. As I understand it, your patient, Captain Hero over here, was suffering an extreme allergic reaction at the time of mustering. You brought him aboard so you could continue your medical duties while monitoring his condition.”

“I gave him the shot that triggered his reaction.” Bones confessed.

“Last I checked, Starfleet doctors can give vaccines.” Pike folded his arms across his midsection and winced when he came into contact with his surgical site. Bones fussed over him and then glanced up at Jim.

“I brought him aboard because I couldn’t leave him behind.” Jim’s eyes glowed at Bones’ admission. They still hadn’t admitted their feelings out loud but Bones had never been more sure, more certain, more secure in a relationship in his life. This time was finally forever, for however long that might be.

“I don’t believe your co-dependence needs to come up in the debriefings.” Pike snapped, breaking the moment between Jim and Bones. He glanced between them and then smiled softly. “Took you two long enough. I lost out on the office pool like three times. Wait until I tell Jennifer.”

Jim flushed and Bones whispered, horrified, “The office pool?”

“Nevermind. Look, you all are the heroes of the entire Federation. And even if you hadn’t been all heroic, Starfleet lost seven ships—eight counting the Mayflower— full of experienced hands and promising cadets. They can’t afford to lose more. Don’t be fools.”

Jim and Bones exchanged glances as Pike continued. “Even with Doctor Magic Fingers here, I’m not going to be captaining a starship anytime soon. Once the Enterprise is repaired, they’ll want you to take her out again.”

“Me?” Jim stammered.

“Yes, you, Captain Stowaway. And you too, Mr. CMO.”

“I doubt they’ll make me CMO.” Bones shook his head. He’d be lucky not to end up court-martialed.

“McCoy, enough with the false modesty. How many degrees do you have now? Even before all this happened, you’re one of the greatest medical minds of the century. Possibly any century. Everyone knows you’ll be the head of Starfleet Medical someday. And in order do that, you’ve got to serve as a CMO. You’ll both be on the flagship when next she sails, God help us all.”

Jim smirked at Bones but the smile slid off his face at Pike’s next words. “Now, let’s talk about how you all can handle the press.”

* * *

When they finally docked, all the command crew were given their own suites of rooms to don their dress uniforms. When they filed out to the luxury shuttle designated for the command crews flight back to earth, their families were in the shuttle bay waiting for them, along with all of Starfleet’s PR personnel and a select group of the press and holo-photographers.

“I see we’ve landed in the ninth circle of hell.” Bones muttered to Jim who laughed and slung an arm over his shoulders. Smiling at each other, they pressed their foreheads together and then went to cope with the press.

Jim and Bones met Chekov’s proud parents and smiled for pictures with Sulu’s little sisters, both circulating in the crowd with their best company smiles on. And then Jim stopped so dead that Bones walked right into his back.

“Mom?” He heard Jim whisper and looked up to find Winona walking toward them, her own dress uniform picture perfect.

She hugged Jim close, pressing a kiss to his temple. Slowly, he raised his arms to hug her back. The photographers went nuts at the opportunity to snap photos of the reunion of the Kelvin widow and the Kelvin baby. No doubt these pictures would be on every holo-mag for months, if not years. Bones stepped away to give them a moment but Winona grabbed his forearm and pulled him in for a hug too, hugging him with Jim sandwiched between them. The holo-flashes of the Starfleet PR cameras blinded him as Winona said, low, to Jim, “So you took my advice then?”

“Yes, Mom.” Jim sounded like nothing more than a surly teenager as he said it. Bones wondered what that was about.

When the flash spots faded from his eyes, a dark-haired, heavily pregnant woman, holding the hand of a little girl with braids in her hair, stood to the side, biting her lip. The woman caught sight of Bones and waved energetically at him. He blinked again and whispered, “Molly?”

“Leo!” She waddled toward him, tugging the child with her.

“I’m so glad you’re ok.” She embraced him awkwardly as he stood frozen. “Joanie, say hi to your Uncle Leo.”

“I’m Jim Kirk.” Jim appeared next to him, his hand warm and reassuring on Bones’ bicep.

“I’m Molly, Leo’s sister. Mama never told me where you’d gone, Leo. I’m just…” Here she started to cry. “I’m just so happy to see you and…”

“I’m sure that Bones—uh, Leo—is happy to see you too. Just give him a moment to get over the shock.”

“Are Mama and Jenny here too?” Bones finally rasped out. Molly bit her lip and shook her head. Bones leaned forward and hugged her. He whispered, “So glad to see you too, Molly girl.”

* * *

“Boy, I’m tired of wearing this dress uniform.” Jim said, wearily as he ordered up bagels for them out of the regenerator in the kitchen.

“Today’s the last one, the last funeral.” Bones answered, straightening Jim’s collar, brushing his fingers over his cheek. Though they’d been roommates for three years, they were still getting used to being lovers, being able to touch each other freely, anytime, to not having to hide their emotions around each other any longer.

“It will be the worst of all.” Jim whispered.

“The Farragut.” They said together. Jim served on that ship, making the terrible losses even more personal to him.

“Elizabeth was on it.” Bones finally said. He detested her in the end, the way she used him to get to Jim. But still, not even Elizabeth deserved that fate.

“Galia too.” Jim sighed, “I never got the chance to apologize to her about the Maru.”

“I never got a chance to ask. What did you do?”

“I reprogrammed the sims from her comm unit. She was always sensitive about putting the slightest foot wrong because Orions have such a bad reputation.” He hesitated, taking a deep breath before twining his fingers with Bones, and leaning against the counter. “The day before the Maru, we went back to her apartment. She wanted to fool around. I just wanted to access her comm unit but…she told me she loved me.”

“Jim, she knew you cared about her.”

“Not at the end but…” Jim shrugged, swiping at his eyes with his free hand. “She was a good friend. She didn’t deserve what I did to her. Remember how mad she was before the honor committee…it seems ages ago…I remember thinking that I’d talk to her afterwards. I’d apologize and she’d forgive me eventually. Guess I’ll never get the chance to do that now.”

“None of us knew—or could have known—-what we were sailing into.” Bones comforted him. “So many others gone so young. Campus is so empty now. The medbay too.”

“Gary Mitchell and all his cronies—gone too. All those plebe points I used to care so much about…”

“I hated that bastard but I wouldn’t have wished it on him.” Both of them realized at the same moment that it could have been either or both of them that they mourned today. If Bones hadn’t snuck Jim aboard the Enterprise…If Jim hadn’t figured out what the distress call from Vulcan really meant…If they hadn’t sat next to each other that long ago day leaving Riverside…If they hadn’t been roommates and then best friends and then desperately in love…So many ifs to get them where they were today. Bones thought of all that the elder Spock shared with them, of their own destiny and how they were always meant to be together, entwined, enmeshed…

Jim flung his arms around Bones neck and Bones clasped him against him tightly, stroking his back. They stood, holding each other as the sunlight crept across the floor. Then they both went to honor the dead.

Chapter Text

Several months later, Bones filed into the Academy assembly hall and sat with the bridge crew. He glanced around, noticing how empty the hall seemed in comparison to Jim’s honor committee hearing. Most of their fellow students hadn’t come back and lay scattered among the stars. All those lives lost, all that potential ended, because a time-traveling Romulan had a temper tantrum. If it hadn’t been for Jim, he wouldn’t be standing here either. Of course Jim always said that if it hadn’t been for Bones… Somehow, they’d saved Earth and the Federation.

It was finally time for Jim to get his medal, the commendation that he’d thought he’d be getting for beating the Maru and turned into recognition for saving the universe. Most of the Enterprise crew, and especially the bridge crew, had already received their rewards. Jim, as Captain, would be the the last one to receive his own medal. His beloved Jim stood at the center of the hall, looking younger and more handsome than any one person had a right to be.

Bones thought he’d burst with pride seeing Barnett pin the medal on Jim’s chest and then, Christopher gave Jim command of his baby, his beloved ship. When Jim turned to survey the crowd, their eyes met and held for just a heartbeat, the promise of their bright shared future ahead of them mingling with the deep love between them. Bones remembered the holo-graphs of Pike showed him, when the Enterprise was under construction, that long ago day in Riverside and all the little moments since that got him here, where he was meant to be. They’d sail tomorrow, after the celebration tonight. And Bones would be right there as CMO, right by Jim’s side, where he belonged.

After he’d had all the glad-handing he could take, Bones slipped out of the reception to return to their dorm. He changed his clothes, gathered up blankets and bourbon, and headed for the roof. As he’d known he would, Jim joined him just a few minutes later and sat down next to him, pressed against his side from shoulder to hip. Bones wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling his warmth against him.

“So proud of you, Jim.”

Jim ducked his head, a blush ghosting over his fair cheeks, and Bones wondered if anyone else had ever told Jim that before. Jim laid a head on his shoulder and Bones brushed a kiss over his bright hair. Together, they watched the sun dip behind the San Francisco hills, their last sunset on Earth for a while. The stars winked on above them in the velvety night as they watched the moon take her place in the indigo sky.

“Guess we need to get to the party.” Jim sighed.

“Not yet.” Bones dropped a wrapped rectangular parcel on Jim’s lap.

“What’s this?”

“Figured you needed some decorations for your ready room.” Bones answered as Jim unwrapped the package to find a small holo-cube. He flipped it on and projected an ever-shifting holograph of the constellations over San Francisco. Inscribed beneath it, in ornate, flowing script it said: “For my part, I know nothing with any certainty, but that the sight of the stars makes me dream.”

“Vincent Van Gogh said that.” Jim choked out. Beneath the quote, in Bones’ terrible doctor handwriting, he’d written, “Let’s go paint the stars, darlin’”

Jim looked up, amazement written on his features. “I love you, Bones.”

Their eyes met and locked, the shimmering stars flitting over their faces. Bones hadn’t known how much he’d needed to hear Jim say the words until that moment. He’d known Jim’s feelings for him ran as deep as his own but he’d wanted Jim to tell him. He smiled and leaned over to press a sweet kiss to Jim’s plush mouth. Jim broke away to secure the holo-cube carefully off to one side, before turning back to straddle Bones, licking into his mouth. His clever fingers teased at the hem of Bones’ t-shirt before sliding beneath, sending desire cartwheeling through Bones’ veins, as bright and hot as the stars above them.

“We need to go to the party.” Bones chided, already a little breathless from Jim’s kisses.

“Later. I need you now.” Jim groaned, pulling Bones’ t-shirt off and stroking his shoulders. He pressed Bones back into the blankets as he pulled his cadet red jacket off, tossing it aside so his medal clinked against the ground. Jim ground down against him, rocking them together. Bones threw his head back, arching up to meet him, cupping that perfect round bottom. Moonlight glided Jim’s hair and shoulders, throwing his muscles into sharp relief, silver and shadows. Jim bit his lip and rocked against Bones, his blue eyes hot and a little fierce. The endless passion between them, still so new, flowed hot and wild and ready. Still straddling Bones, Jim wiggled out of his pants, brushing against Bones in all the right ways, driving him nearly crazy with need. He arched up against him, clutching Jim’s hips to grind shamelessly against him. Jim pulled a small, foil packet of lube out of his pocket before tossing his pants aside.

“Always prepared, Jimmy?” Bones chuckled.

“Always want you.” Jim gasped, freeing Bones from his jeans and slicking him up before moving to ready himself. Bones’ eyes rolled back in his head as he clutched at Jim’s hips, ready for friction and heat and more… He gasped as Jim lowered himself on him, rocking his hips back and rolling forward, finding the exact rhythm to shatter Bones’ self-control. Jim’s tight, hot heat surrounded him as Jim licked and kissed his way up Bones’ chest and neck, his hands fisted in his hair. Their lips met, twined around each other, sweet kisses in counterpoint to their rattling thrusts as they slapped together.

Bones stroked his hands down Jim’s back to clutch at Jim’s maddeningly undulating hips. He braced his feet on the roof and thrust up to meet Jim, brushing his lover’s prostate each time. How did they just get hotter together each time? Jim groaned his name as he rode him, lost to everything but the inferno they created between them. Bones stroked Jim’s rigid length as they rocked together. Jim threw his head back, gasping his pleasure, backlit by the stars winking slowly on above him in the velvety night.

Just as he felt himself unraveling, thrusting deep as he climaxed, Bones managed to moan, “Love you too, darlin.”

Jim spurted all over his hands, crushing his lips to Bones, mewling against his mouth. Bones cradled Jim against him and in that moment, Bones would swear, they were as infinite as the stars that danced above them.

* * *

Early the next morning, they made slow love as the sunrise peeked into their dorm room before showering together and packing their duffles. Before they left, they stood in the doorway, surveying the tiny, unadorned room. Jim stared at the empty room, home for over three years, before glancing at the man who’d become home to him. His Bones.

“Remember those two kids who moved in here?” Jim asked, feeling nostalgia edge under his excitement to finally start sailing the stars.

“One is still an infant and the other wasn’t a kid. I was 28 when we started.”

“Oh yes, I forgot how elderly you were.” Jim rolled his eyes and huffed out a laugh. “I’m glad I didn’t room with Gary Mitchell.”

“I should’ve had a single but…” Bones threw his arm around Jim’s shoulders.

“Used to me now?” Jim smiled and Bones kissed his cheek. “I’ve been thinking about the other Spock…you think we would have ended up friends anyway?”

“I don’t know if I believe in fate and time paradoxes and all that mumbo-jumbo but…” Bones shrugged. “There are more things in heaven and earth…so maybe. Somehow, I think we’d have found each other.”

Jim nodded. He and Bones fit together, slotting like puzzle pieces from the moment they’d met. He couldn’t imagine his life without Bones and he didn’t want to even contemplate it. “I remember you sitting next to me on the shuttle, this crazy guy, ranting with the sexy accent and the gorgeous eyes.”

“Crazy? You were the one with the blood on your shirt and bruises all over your pretty face. Guess not much changes, huh?”

“Never could have imagined that day that we’d end up here.”

“Would you have gotten on the shuttle then, knowing you’d end up here?” Bones asked. Jim leaned over and kissed him before nodding. The former only genius level repeat offender in the midwest had been awful lucky to end up here, next to the love of his life and headed for his very own starship. They clasped hands and headed for the shuttle that would carry them to Jim’s ship and the infinite stars beyond.

* * *

“I have work to do in Medbay.” Bones protested, later in their quarters as they changed into their shipboard uniforms. He hadn’t even bothered with the pretense of keeping his own quarters, giving the CMO suite to M’Benga, and settling in next to Jim. They probably should have talked about the significance of just moving in together but…Bones couldn’t imagine not sleeping next to Jim so that was that. His grandmother used to tell him to begin as you intend to go on. He intended to go on living with Jim for the rest of his life so…

“I need you on the bridge.”

“You just want me to have to call you Captain.”

“Say it again like that, in that Georgia drawl.” Jim pulled him close and kissed his way up Bones’ neck. Bones shuddered, putting his hands on Jim’s hips, fighting the urge to pull him closer.

“You keep doin’ that, Captain, we won’t get anywhere near your shiny bridge.” Bones drawled. Jim whimpered. Jim loved his accent so Bones shamelessly used it whenever he could. Right now, Bones wanted nothing more than to fall into the wide bed and christen the Captain’s quarters but it would have to wait. His sunshine boy needed to take command of his ship and, if he wanted Bones there to witness it, well, then that’s where he’d be.

After a few more brief kisses, they walked to the lift and rode to deck one. Jim waited in the hall for the senior staff to enter the bridge. As CMO, Bones didn’t have to be there at all but, just to make Jim happy, he strode onto the bridge, folding his arms across his chest. As he waited, he stared out at the view screen at the stars. He must be crazy to do this. What was he—an aviaphobic old country doctor—doing standing on the bridge of the Federation flagship as their Chief Medical Officer? How had he ever ended up here? He sucked in a deep breath, fighting the panic attack, remembering all Jim’s patient coaxing and coaching.

“Keptin on the bridge.” Bones turned and looked up. Jim glowed in his gold command shirt, his blue eyes even more pronounced in contrast. His darlin’ Jim. He loved him so much that sometimes, if it caught him off guard, it took his breath away. Bones watched him glance around the bridge and their eyes met again. Jim grinned at him, that wicked mouth curving into a devilish smile.

Jim greeted him first—because, for Jim, Bones would always be first among equals—and slapped his shoulders as he walked by, crowing “Buckle up.” Damn blue-eyed devil. He watched Jim take his seat, the boy king, in the chair he’d fought so hard to win and fought the smile that threatened to burst over his face. They were here. They’d made it to the other side of disaster, together. And that’s right where he was staying.

And Bones knew that, no matter what, he was right where he belonged.

With his Jim.