Archive of Our Own ^beta

Linkara was leafing through a few bad comics that he might want to review while muttering under his breath. “Liefeld, you suck. Liefeld, you suck. Breasts don’t work that way, idiot,” he growled at a copy of Maximage. He was thinking about dipping into his stash of horror comics when there was a flash out of the corner of his eye and suddenly Dr. Insano appeared.

“Linkara! So my ingenious teleportation device worked!”

“Insano!” The reviewer stood and drew his magic gun. “Come to try your luck again, eh?”

“Oh,” Insano giggled, “I don’t need luck when I have science!” He pulled out what looked like a modified blunderbuss from behind his back.

Linkara’s jaw dropped. “Oh crap.” He dodged to his left, just avoiding the bright blast that came from the weapon. “Hey, I liked that couch!”

“I would buy you another one but you won’t need it soon,” Insano turned to fire at him again.

Linkara dodged and shot back with his magic gun, as they moved out of the room. He found himself backed up along the corridor until he came out in his bedroom. He dove to the floor by his bed as Insano burst through the doorway and shot again. It missed and he heard the scientist swear. He lifted his head and stopped, frozen in place.

His bed had a huge hole in it but that wasn’t what had his attention. He reached out trembling fingers, dropping the magic gun as he did so. “Bear?” He asked in a hoarse whisper. The stuffed animal had been sitting against Linkara’s pillow. Now, it was knocked askew, fur lightly singed. And more than that--it was missing it’s right leg. “Bear?” He pulled the little guy close to him.

“This is the end of our long battle, Linkara.” Insano had stepped close and the gun was pointed right at the hero. He paused but Linkara didn’t even look up. “Um…would you mind looking at me while I’m monologuing?”

Linkara, after a long pause, looked up. Tears were coursing down his face. “Bear,” he said again, holding the plushie out then bringing it back in and cradling it close to his chest.

Insano looked at him, then slowly lowered his gun. “It’s a stuffed animal,” he felt compelled to point out.

“I’ve had Bear since I was a child.” Linkara spoke as he snuggled the toy. “He’s been with me for as long as I can remember. My friend through thick and thin. He started to lose his eye once but Mom sewed it back on. But this is the first time anything really bad has happened to him.” He choked back a sob. “I don’t know what to do!”

Insano tilted his head. “You could get rageful and pummel me until your fists bleed.” He suggested.

“That wouldn’t help poor Bear.” Linkara squeezed it tighter.

After a few long moments, Insano turned and walked out of the room. When he got back Linkara was still curled on the floor, arms gingerly holding the bear. He marched right over and held out his hand.

“Give it to me.”

“What? No!”

“I’m going to fix it.”

“Him. He’s a him, not an it.”

“Fine. I’m going to fix him. Now hand him over.”

Linkara looked at him suspiciously. “Why should I trust you? You were the one who hurt him in the first place. And you were trying to kill me!”

“I’ve never been trying to kill you,” Insano sighed. “I just wanted you out of the way so you wouldn’t stop me from doing my science. I am sorry about shooting the bear.” He sounded genuinely contrite.

Linkara stared up at him for a long time then slowly handed the bear up to him. “I’m trusting you. I don’t know why, but I am.”

Insane ignored him, setting the bear gently down on the bed and then pulling out some sort of device that looked like an old 80’s Walkman with duct tape on it. He started to punch a few buttons and it lit up a bright purple.

“What’s that?”

“It’s going to fix it. Him.” He held it straight out and a wave of the purple light passed over Bear. When the light faded, the leg was back on, good as new. He picked it up and held it out to Linkara. “There.”

Linkara took it, barely daring to believe. He wiggled the leg a little then looked up at Insano in wonder. “How did you do that?”

Insano rolled his eyes behind his goggles. “Do I really need to say ‘science’ here? Oof!” Suddenly he had an arm full of Minnesota comic book geek. He looked down to see Linkara hugging him. “What are you doing?”

“Thank you! You fixed Bear! I’m in your debt.” Linkara squeezed the scientist then stepped back. “Maybe I’ve been wrong about you, Doctor.”

“What? No. I’m evil. Evil McEvilperson, that’s me.”

But Linkara was hugging Bear close to him again. “Isn’t that Dr. Insano so nice to fix you, Bear?” He asked the plushie.

Shaking his head, the doctor decided to go. He was leaving the room when Linkara suddenly tapped his shoulder. Turning, expecting a fight, he was surprised to see the man crowding in close. Shocked, he stepped back and ended up pressed against the wall.

“Really. I owe you one for this,” Linkara told him sincerely. “Anything you want, just ask. Aside from letting you take over the world, that is,” he added.

“Will you go out with me?” Insano turned beet red and shoved Linkara away, hitting a button on his wrist. But he was trying to do it too fast and ended up hitting the wrong button. Instead of teleporting out, he ended up filling the room with Disney music. Frantic, he jammed his hand down again. With a gust of breath in relief, he looked up and saw Linkara staring at him.

“Wait, what?”

“Never mind. I don’t care about dating. You or anyone else. I am all about science!” He raised a clenched fist, rather listlessly.

But Linkara was looking at him in a way he didn’t know. “Insano, you like me?”

“What? No, of course not!” He sputtered.

“You saved Bear,” Linkara seemed to be speaking to himself, “after seeing how much it hurt me.”

“I just wanted you to stop crying.”

“You said you haven’t been trying to kill me.”

“Yes, well--”

“Now you ask me to go out with you? I didn’t even know you were gay.”

“I’m not. I mean, I don’t date,” Insano mumbled.

“At all?”

“I had a date once. Long ago. A girl named Molly. I later found out some jocks paid her to go out with me.”

Linkara suddenly moved forward. Insano backed up but he was enveloped in strong arms and hugged tight.

“Linkara? Has one of us gone crazy?”

“No. And I have to tell ya, Doc, I don’t usually dip from the man side of the pool, but I do owe you. Friday okay?”

“Friday?”

“The day after Thursday.”

“I know that!” Insano pulled back. “What are you talking about?”

“Our date.”

Insano stared then shook his head. “I’m going home, inventing a time machine, and starting today over.” He began to move toward the door when suddenly Bear was thrust in his face.

“Oh, Insano,” Linkara said in a high pitched voice, “why are being mean to Linkara? He just wanted to pay you back by going on a date with you. I thought that was what you wanted?”

Insano refused to speak to a bear. He turned and looked at Linkara. “I may be pathetically lonely and totally in love with you but I don’t want a pity date, all right?”

Linkara’s eyes widened and Insano realized what he’d just said.

“Shit!” He hit the right button this time and disappeared in a teleport effect. Standing in the middle of his lab again, he shook his head. “Stupid, stupid, stupid!” He was still mentally berating himself when the phone rang. Without checking, he picked it up. “Yes?”

“Hell of a bombshell to drop on someone then take off,” Linkara’s voice said through the line. “But we can talk about that Friday. O’Dell’s at 7:00. And leave the goggles at home, Doctor.” Then he hung up.

Insano stared down at the phone for a long time then carefully put it back in the cradle. Then he went to go pick out what to wear Friday night.

End