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Chapter Text

Good news and surprises (1)

After Anna had left home to rest I took a long walk around the streets of Helsinki to clear up my head. I needed time to let the fact that I was after all going to be a father sink in. It had taken a considerable amount of time for me to accept the possibility of being a father and even longer time to realize that the thing inside Anna’s belly was my daughter. The doubts about my paternity had momentarily crushed my hopes of having my own child but now I suddenly got everything back again. I loved the little girl and the paternity test gave me finally the opportunity to enjoy in full the idea of having a daughter and becoming an adult myself at the mature age of thirty seven.

       The only thing that worried me was the possibility of pregnancy complications Anna had just told me about. I knew her well enough to realize that she didn’t take the matter up lightly. She had a good reason to tell me about the risks. There was a real possibility that things wouldn’t go as planned and both Anna and my daughter were in danger.

       When I had regained my balance I popped into a cozy looking coffeehouse close to the Helsinki main railway station. I ordered myself a cup of tea and sat down to make a phone call first to Johanna and then to Franky.

“Finally! What took you so long? Is everything okay?” Johanna shot her questions at me when I managed to get hold of her. She sounded a little out of breath so she must have been exercising her horses when I called her.

“Everything’s fine. It just took me a while to realize that I’m really going to be a father.”

“Oh, so the test result was positive?” Johanna asked just to make sure.

“Yes, very much so. You can congratulate me for having a daughter.”

“I’m going to be the devious step mother then”, Johanna chuckled. The thought clearly entertained her.

“This would really call for a celebration but I’m afraid we can’t do it right now. I’m leaving early tomorrow morning to Turku with Franky. He is staying at my place at the moment.

“That’s all right but is there any chance to see you before your USA tour?”

“I could come by after our Turku gig but I’m afraid it will be quite late in the evening” I replied feeling slightly hesitant.

“I don’t mind. I would really like to see you. Could you stay the night?”

“I think so. I promised to visit Anna on Saturday afternoon with Franky. We are going to cook her some Mexican.”

“That’s very kind of you. Take good care of her and see you on Friday evening”, Johanna finished the call sounding satisfied.

      For some reason I couldn’t reach Franky by the phone although I tried several times. I didn’t want to leave a message so I decided to drive home and share the good news face to face with him. He might very well be jogging somewhere without his cell phone or having a shower.

      When I arrived at home I rushed directly into my living room to deliver the news to Franky but he wasn’t there. I checked the kitchen and found an empty can of beer and two glasses on the table top and a leatherjacket that looked a lot like the one Eicca was wearing. I hadn’t checked the bedroom yet and suddenly I didn’t want to.

      Without knowing what to do I sat at the kitchen table and listened to the familiar moan of Eicca approaching his climax. I wasn’t angry but I was somehow disappointed. When Patrik had left Eicca fresh excitement was missing in Eicca’s life. I obviously couldn’t offer it to him anymore but Franky could.

      Finally the bedroom door opened and Franky hurried to the bathroom. I remained sitting at the kitchen table browsing absentmindedly my cell phone and wondering what I would say when someone noticed my presence. It was Eicca who found me.

“Jeez, how long have you been here?” he asked and stopped dead at the doorway.

“Long enough to hear you sing”, I mumbled feeling offended.

“I’m very sorry. Franky called me and wanted to see me in private so I came here…”

“Please don’t explain. You’re a grown up man and you can do what you want. I just didn’t expect this from you…” I interrupted Eicca struggling with my anger. I couldn’t watch him in the eye so I stared instead at the angel wing pendant on his chest wondering if it would have hurt more if I had caught him making love with Patrik.

      The opening of the bathroom door interrupted our tense exchange.

“I’m done, it’s your turn…” we heard Franky’s happy voice in the hallway.

“I’m here in the kitchen…” Eicca called and turned to watch Franky who was drying his hair in a towel dressed only in his briefs. I was gazing at his body with intense admiration when he finally noticed me sitting there behind Eicca.

“Ah, you’re home early! How did the lab go?” Franky asked as if nothing special was happening.

“Yeah, it was quick and straightforward. I’m going to have a daughter”, I replied as I stood up and collected the glasses and the beer can and put them in the kitchen sink.

“Wow, that’s great”, Franky called and rushed over to grab me into his arms. His squeeze took my breath away.

“Are you happy now?” he asked after he had put me down on the floor. “You sound a bit off.”

“Yes, I’m very happy”, I replied my heart melting. I just didn’t have the heart to be angry with Franky when he finally was staying here at my place. The next thing I knew I was kissing Franky passionately in front of Eicca.

“I think I will have to go…” I heard Eicca’s say as he grabbed his jacket and headed to the hallway. A soft click of the front door told us he was gone.

Chapter Text

Cooking with Franky (2)

“I’m sorry about what just happened”, Franky apologized when we were alone. “It was all my fault. I called Eicca and asked him to come here. I thought there was something wrong with him and wanted to help him but it didn’t go as planned…”

“Yeah, sometimes things just get out of hand”, I admitted remembering my own passionate apologies with Mikko. ”What made you think that something was wrong?”

“I don’t really know, it feels like he has just half of the energy he normally has. We are supposed to go on tour and he’s like a zombie.”

“Has he told you that Patrik left him a while ago?” I asked to make sure that Franky had the correct picture about the situation.

“Yes, he mentioned it but I didn’t think it was a big deal. I knew he tried to leave Patrik last autumn. I thought he was happy when he finally got rid of that relationship. Now it sounded as if he was still hankering over him. I really can’t understand how he can still be so deeply hooked with that guy”, Franky wondered looking frustrated.

“I think Anna has the same problem with Patrik. She just can’t stand being separated from him. I wish I had the same capability to attract people so strongly”, I sighed trying to ignore the sting of jealousy I felt every time I talked about Patrik.

“Don’t be modest. I think you have it too. I can feel it right now…” Franky murmured and reached out his hand to run his fingers through my hair. “You’re the most attractive bandmate I’ve ever had.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you either”, I replied pleased about Franky’s comments. “I can see you’ve been exercising very hard lately. You’re very tempting, especially at this close distance”, I added and let my hands wander down Franky’s well-trimmed body.

      A loud rumble of my stomach disturbed our intense moment. It was already seven o’clock in the evening and I hadn’t had anything to eat since lunch.

“Sorry but I’m starving”, I apologized slightly embarrassed.

“No, problem. I can make us some vegetable stew if you like. Your fatherhood deserves some celebration.”

“That would be kind of you but I don’t think we have any ingredients for that.” Once again I had forgotten to do my shopping before returning home.

“Don’t worry about that” Franky grinned and headed to the bedroom to dress up properly.

      When Franky returned he was dressed in black jeans and a sleeveless black T-shirt that left his tattooed arms temptingly visible.

“Talking about celebration, Anna invited us to her place on Saturday evening. I hope it’s okay for you.”

“Yeah, sure. I haven’t been to her house before. It will be nice to see it”, Franky agreed.

“I promised that we would take care of the cooking”, I confessed blush spreading on my cheeks. I wasn’t much of a cook but I was learning fast.

“Don’t be embarrassed. I will be glad to do the cooking if you help me”, Franky purred gently and stroke my burning cheek with his fingers.

“So, do you want to chop the veggies?” Franky asked kissing my face here and there.

“Hmmm, if you continue like that we won’t get anything to eat”, I breathed while my hands dived under his T-shirt to caress his warm skin.

“Please don’t tempt me then. I can’t resist you when you’re touching me like that”, Franky complained.

“Okay, hands off Franky”, I commanded myself and turned to look for a vegetable knife in my kitchen drawers.

Franky rummaged in my fridge which he had obviously filled with all kinds of nice ingredients while I was away. ”Why don’t you start with these onions, leeks, sweet peppers and chili”, he snickered and piled up a colorful heap of vegetables in front of me. “And don’t chop your fingers. You will need them.”

      When I was done with the vegetables I headed to the bathroom to take a shower meanwhile Franky started to fry the ingredients. When I returned he had delicious looking stew simmering on the stove and the table was laid ready for us.

“Hmm, smell delicious”, I murmured and hugged Franky from behind. I just couldn’t resist pushing my hand under his T-shirt again.

I heard him take a deep breath as he turned the stove on low heat and turned to face me.

“You asked for this”, he murmured when he opened the button and the zipper of my jeans and dropped them on the floor. “Turn and lean on the table”, he ordered sounding very determined. I stepped out my jeans and obeyed him knowing what was coming…

      Fucking in the middle of the kitchen against a dinner table wasn’t everyday pastime even for me who was used to doing it with Eicca in the weirdest places like airplane lavatory. I must admit it was an interesting starter for our dinner which turned out to be very tasty even though slightly overcooked. The dessert would be served later in the bedroom. This time it would be my turn to enjoy Franky.

Chapter Text

The almost accident (3)

Our trip to Turku started early next morning but I didn’t mind. I was well rested after sleeping in Franky’s embrace most of the night. Our lovemaking was getting better as we grew more accustomed to each other’s needs and desires. Last night was no exception to that. My dessert was extremely delicious.

      The preparations for the Voice of Finland show went smoothly with the exception of the hilarious make up issue before our performance. The girls doing our make-up didn’t have a dark enough foundation for Franky so they had to go and buy some. Franky laughed and shook his head: That’s what you get when you start to sing with the palefaces.

       The performance itself felt wonderful. Our song Cold Blood had just been released as a single and this was the first public performance from our new album Shadowmaker. From this day onwards Shadowmaker would be the main topic of our lives for almost two years.

      When our part of the show  was over and it was time to return to Helsinki I proposed that Franky would travel with Eicca as I was planning to drive directly to meet Johanna. I thought that the guys might still have some open issues to discuss after last night. Anyways I made sure that they understood that I was going to spend the night with Johanna, not at home. The glimpse in Eicca’s eye told me that maybe Franky didn’t have to spend the night alone.

      During my two hour drive back to Helsinki I had time to recall the lovely moments of my first lovemaking with Johanna almost two weeks ago, the night when I proposed to her. The first ones are not always very successful, you are nervous and maybe full of unrealistic expectations of your companion. When one should take it slowly and let emotions guide the act, one end up being hasty and want everything right away. Luckily for us it wasn’t like that.

      I was too overwhelmed by Johanna’s beauty to rush into anything. I just wanted to see her and touch her as if she was the greatest miracle on earth. Maybe she felt the same because when we laid in the bed gazing into each other’s eyes she kept caressing my hair and face and whispering that I was her angel.

      It took ages before I had studied her body in the slightest detail kissing and touching everything as I went on.  I spent a considerable time getting to know her breasts and nibbling her nipples. I remember how her body arched when I travelled down to her belly and reached the hipbones.

“Oh please, I want you inside me” she begged and tugged my hair. When I returned to kiss her she almost devoured me alive and folded her legs around my body giving me an unobstructed access into her warm depths. When I sunk inside her I thought I could die there, right then, deeply united with her.

      I didn’t die but it was the sweetest moment of my life. The realization that I was going to spend the rest of my life with this wonderful woman was a shocking experience for me. Nothing, no time nor distance, could separate us; till death do us apart.

      A flash of large dark shadow just in front of the car brought me back to the present in a flash of a second. My heart skipped a beat when I realized that I had been extremely close to crashing with a moose. I could see the animal vanishing into the darkness on the other side of the motorway. Yeah, the death was never far away, not even when you had found the love of your life and was planning to marry her.

      When I noticed a bus stop extension by the motorway I pulled over and stopped the car. I had to get out of the car to stop the shaking of my hands and knees. I took a deep breath of the cold April air and walked back and forth at the bus stop until my wildly beating heart had settled down and the shaking had stopped. I was very much alive and intended to stay that way but I took the warning seriously. Live your life now, not tomorrow or yesterday.

       When I arrived at Johanna’s place it was almost eleven o’clock at night. Johanna gave me a warm hug and led me to her living room where she had set the table with tea and sandwiches. When I told her about my almost accident I saw her face getting pale.

“What is it?” I asked when I noticed that her hands were trembling.

“Anna called me about an hour ago. She was very anxious for some reason and finally she told me that she was afraid that something bad might be happening to you. I tried to calm her down and asked her to call you, but she said she didn’t want to disturb you. I thought she was just imagining things but now I’m not sure anymore.”

“I have noticed that Anna is an exceptionally perceptive and sensitive person. Maybe she felt the horror I experienced on the motorway. It was about an hour ago. Maybe I should call her to tell that I’m okay?”

“Please do. I can’t get the memory of her pain out of my head.”

      When I called Anna I felt like she had been waiting for me. I spent quite a while explaining what had happened but she wouldn’t tell me what had made her think that I was in danger. Anyway she sounded happy now that I was safely in Helsinki and wished me and Franky welcome on Saturday evening.

“Was there a particular reason you wanted to see me for before the tour?” I asked Johanna when we had finished the tea and the sandwiches.

“Actually there is. Do you remember the house we went to see at Lilli Paasikivi’s neighborhood? It turned out that it’s for sale. I was just wondering if you would like to check it out more thoroughly. I understood you will have some days off at the beginning of May. I could reserve a showing for example on 3^rd of May.”

“There are not very many free days but 3^rd of May is one of them”, I replied browsing my calendar. We are returning on 1st of May, so why not. A drive to countryside would be nice.”

“Okay, I will arrange an appointment with the broker”, Johanna agreed.

“Do you mind if I go and take a shower?” I asked after we had loaded the dishes into the dishwasher.

“Go ahead. I can make the bed while you’re showering” Johanna smiled and tugged my ponytail. “But please don’t get your hair wet or we will need an hour to dry it up.”

“Yes sir! An hour is too much to waste.”

      It was lovely to crawl into bed with Johanna after a long and eventful day. I folded my arms around her body happy that I was alive and was able to enjoy her closeness once more before the long separation. I closed my eyes only for a second just to stir awake at dawn. Johanna was deep asleep by my side. I watched her calm face for a while and then let myself drift back into sleep. We still had the morning to spend together.

Chapter Text

Celebrating fatherhood (4)

“Knock, knock, anybody home?” I called when I entered the hallway of my apartment on Saturday morning. I didn’t want to cause any surprises this time.

“I’m here in the kitchen”, Franky replied and came to meet me barefoot and a mug of coffee in his hand. “How was your night?” Franky asked and winked an eye at me.

“I slept like a baby. I had a tough evening. I almost collided with a moose on Turku motorway.”

“Holy shit! Thank God you’re okay!” Franky burst out and grabbed me into his embrace. “Life is so unpredictable, you never know what happens when you walk out of the door.”

“I know that and it really made me think about my priorities. How was your evening?”

“Eicca gave me a ride home and we sat here for some time talking about Patrik and what happened yesterday. He was sorry for hurting your feelings and promised it won’t happen again. I’m sorry too. He couldn’t stay long because he had to hurry home to pack and prepare for the tour.”

“Apologies accepted. Now that you mentioned packing I should do the same right now. We won’t have time in the evening due to the visit.”

      I did my packing after which we prepared some lunch together and went shopping to buy ingredients for our evening menu. Franky had a clear idea what we were going to prepare for the dinner so I didn’t have to worry about that. As the weather was fine we decided to go for a jog. I felt somehow stuffy after spending most of the previous day inside or in a car. After an exercise and a shower we both felt refreshed and ready to celebrate at Anna’s place.

      “Welcome! Nice to see you Franky finally here!” Anna greeted us when we entered her house with our shopping bags and a bouquet of flowers for our hostess. I couldn’t resist buying two colorful primulas I found in the neighboring grocery store. Primulas were the first sign of spring together with tulips and narcissi. Anna could plant them in her garden later when the weather allowed.

“Primulas are lovely. Thank you!” Anna rejoiced when she opened the paper wrappings.

“And here’s little something for Lumi from me and my wife”, Franky handed a gift bag full of girly stuff and gave Anna a big hug. “Actually my wife selected them. I’m not very good with baby clothes.”

      Anna picked up carefully each tiny item and admired them her eyes tearing up. “These are adorable. Thank you very much.” I had great difficulties in keeping my emotions in control. It wouldn’t be long before my little girl would wear these.

      Before starting our dinner preparations Anna gave us a short guided tour around the garden. The southern slope in front of the house was already dappled with white and blue spring bulbs. The spring was definitely coming but the best show of narcissi and tulips was still ahead. “Come back a month later and you won’t recognize the place anymore”, Anna promised. The previous owner had showed her photos of her garden’s spring glory so she knew it would be stunning. We promised to return at the beginning of May when our first USA tour would be over.

      Franky did most of the cooking for obvious reasons but I helped him to the best of my ability. Anna laid the table and entertained us with the music from her playlists. I caught her several times fumbling the tiny dresses and crawlers Franky had brought. When I had done my part in the kitchen I joined Anna on the sofa. “Are babies really this small?” I wondered admiring the tiny baby booties on my palm.

“Yes they are small but strong. It they grab your finger you will be caught forever”, Anna smiled and stroke my cheek. I got a strong urge to kiss her and after yesterday’s dramatic experience decided to do so immediately. Franky caught us kissing baby clothes littered around us on the sofa.

“Okay, time to cool down a notch. This fiery starter will bring sweat on your brows anyhow.” Franky had prepared us tempura giant prawn tails, octopus rings, sweet peppers and onion rings seasoned with lots of garlic and chili.

“Looks and smells delicious”, Anna complimented Franky when we sat at the table.

I remained standing and cleared up my throat. “Before we begin I would like to propose a toast to Anna who is doing me the honor of carrying our baby and making me a father for the first time.

After toasting with a nonalcoholic champagne Anna wanted to have a word. “The honor is mostly on my side. You Perttu gave me this one time chance to become a mother when I thought it wasn’t possible anymore. Let’s hope that everything goes well to the end. Here’s to Lumi”, Anna raised her glass and we toasted to our coming daughter.

“Do you guys want to go to sauna?” Anna asked when we had finished the main course which was enchiladas with various fillings and a large bowl of salad. “I can clean up and prepare the desert while you’re bathing”, Anna proposed.

As you can guess we didn’t need much encouragement to enjoy sauna on a Saturday evening. Franky had become an eager sauna fan even though here we wouldn’t have the chance to go swimming afterwards.

“Sure. There won’t be any possibilities for that during touring”, I replied glancing at Franky who nodded in agreement.

      We spent a good while in the gentle heat of Anna’s sauna. The darkness had already hidden the view to the garden so we sat there in peace and quiet listening to the sizzle of water on the stove and enjoying the warmth that caressed our old bones.

“This is a wonderful relaxation”, Franky huffed and threw another scoop of water on the stove.

“So, are you ready to give all this up? I mean Anna and Lumi.” Franky asked after a long silence.

“I’m not giving them up. I just want more… It’s hard to explain but I hope to keep them all in my life somehow.”

“That won’t be easy. You will have to accept the decision Anna makes in her life and they may not be very nice from your point of view. When she finds someone, as she will, can you let her go?”

“What other alternative is there? I can’t force her to live alone. I don’t even want to do that. So I guess I will have to cope with everything she decides. But I don’t want to lose touch with my daughter.”

“Missing someone is the hardest thing to endure. Good luck with that!” Franky concluded and headed to the bathroom side to take a shower.

I sat alone in the darkness for a while thinking about Franky’s words. Missing someone you loved was a constant pain you couldn’t run away, not even in your sleep. I hated it and loved it and would endure it no matter what...