Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“So.. that’s how I ended up telling the judge to fuck off,” Hoseok concludes his story and the table burst into giggles.

“And he wasn’t very happy about that,” Jungkook adds, “honestly, I think that Hoseok-hyung is going to lose all of his next competitions if that judge is gonna be there,”

Yoongi is laughing along as well, the story was hilarious and he hasn’t been this happy in ages.

He turns to look around and watches his friends having fun for once. It’s been long since they’ve all been together, with Seokjin being really busy with his acting career, Namjoon in the middle of the creative process of publishing his second book, Hoseok with his dance studio, Jungkook with his new job at the gym as a personal trainer and Taehyung trying to get another degree.

And Yoongi.. Yoongi has been pulling his own hair out trying to come up with new songs for the company he’s working for on and off. They don’t really want to hire him full time, so they do this thing where they hire him for a few months before firing him, and then hiring him again a few months later.

In those months he just works as a waiter in the italian restaurant they’re all eating at right now.

“Ah, I almost did the same with the director of the drama I’m shooting,” Seokjin tells them, “he kept telling to do things with less feelings, like what does that even mean?”

“Woo, hyung, you’re so passionate!” Taehyung laughs.

“Shut up,” Seokjin protests, “seriously I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m thinking of quitting this one,”

“Hyung,” Jungkook intervenes, “You shouldn’t let a dickhead stop you from doing what you love!”

“Oh, look at our Jungkookie, all grown up,” Seokjin laughs.

“Shut up,” Jungkook mutters while blushing, still hates feeling like the baby of the group even though he still is, even at the age of 26.

“And you Tae? How is it going with Professor Lee? Still a pain in the ass?” Namjoon asks, having taken before the course that the younger is taking right now.

“Ugh, don’t even talk to me about him,” Taehyung mutters making an exaggerated annoyed face, “he’s still mad about that time I corrected him,”

“You did?” Namjoon laughs.

“Yeah, bad move, hyung,” Taehyung laments, “it was honestly a minuscule thing, I don’t know why he’s still going on about that,..”

“You should never correct a professor, Tae, doesn’t matter how smart you are,” Namjoon says with his preaching tone that everyone in the group has heard at least one time or two.

“Don’t go all dad on me, please,” Taehyung laughs.

Namjoon splutters, blushing red, “I’m not, you idiot!”

The rest of the group laughs, it’s always fun to tease Namjoon. They’ve always made fun of him because he was just more mature then he should’ve been back in college. Yoongi guesses the habit stuck.

He still remembers the first time he met Namjoon, in an english class. The younger spoke so smartly he intimidated Yoongi at first, but then they got paired up for a project and Yoongi found out that he was nothing more than a very intelligent dork.

They’ve grown a lot since then, it’s also been a few years. Namjoon fits in his clothes now, and isn’t the awkward mess he used to be.

Everyone has grown, really, apart from Seokjin maybe. The older seems to become younger as the years pass. At first it was awkward between him and Jungkook since their age difference is the biggest in the group, but now they almost seem like same aged friends, always giggling about something nobody else understands.

Jungkook is another one that has grown a lot. He used to be a shy and soft spoken boy who followed Taehyung and Jimin around like a lost puppy and had shiny eyes whenever Namjoon spoke. Now he teases all of them more than anyone else.

Taehyung is still a kid at heart, even though he’s one of the most clever people Yoongi knows, but Yoongi is glad he hasn’t lost that excited side of his character. Physically he’s grown a lot as well, has grown well into his strong features (so much that he gets modelling offers that he always refuses, says that life isn’t for him) and is taller than Yoongi by a lot now.

“And you Yoongs?” Seokjin asks, “is this a good month?”

Yoongi smiles, “Yeah, I’ve come up with three song ideas for this one group that is debuting with an EP in three months, PD-nim likes them a lot, we’re currently working on the title song,”

“That’s good,” Hoseok smiles, “you look happy.”

“I am,” Yoongi agrees, “I really am.”

“I’m happy to see that,” Jungkook intervenes, “it’s sad when you mope around.”

“Watch it, kiddo,” Yoongi says with a lazy smile, “I don’t mope around.”

“Yeah you do,” Jungkook smiles teasingly, “like a puppy that doesn’t get attention.”

Yoongi swats at him, “I don’t,” he pouts.

“Speaking of puppies, how’s Holly doing?” Taehyung asks excited. He loves dogs but he’s allergic to them, so he lives the experience of having one through his friends.

“Holly’s a good boy as always,” Yoongi answers, “Hyung took him to the veterinarian a few days ago and it’s all good.”

“I can’t wait to see him again, when are we going to Daegu?” Taehyung asks while clapping his hands excitedly.

“I should have a few days off for Chuseok,” Yoongi informs him, “I was thinking of going back, I miss mama’s cooking.”

“Damn, I miss your mom’s cooking too,” Hoseok laughs, “how’s she doing?”

“Mom?” Yoongi asks, “she’s well, her and dad are going to Jeju next month for their anniversary.”

“Look at your parents, having more fun than me!” Jungkook complains throwing his hands in the air.

“Yeah, they’re really living the life,” Yoongi laughs along, “but yeah, it’s all good back at home.”

“It’s nice to hear that,” Hoseok smiles fondly, “your hyung is still getting married?”

“Of course,” Yoongi nods, “he and noona are so in love, it’s sickening.”

“Speaking of true love and all that shit,” Taehyung intervenes, “Are you two still good?” he asks to Jungkook and Hoseok.

Jungkook blushes, “Yeah, actually we have big news.”

“It’s not that big,” Hoseok protests.

“It is!” Jungkook says with an excited smile, “we’re moving in together!”

“Oh my God, that’s huge!” Taehyung smiles.

“I know, right?” Jungkook laughs.

“Who asked?” Namjoon questions.

“I did,” Hoseok says with a smug smile, “yesterday, it was very romantic and shit.”

“It was,” Jungkook agrees, reaching out to hold Hoseok’s hand, “I though he was about to propose to me,” he confesses.

“That won’t be for a few years, babe,” Hoseok smiles, pecking Jungkook on the cheek.

Taehyung makes a disgusted noise, making them all laugh.

“We can’t all be alone and sad like you, Tae!” Jungkook laughs.

“I’m doing perfectly fine, thank you so much,” Taehyung pouts, “I actually met this guy, we’re going on our third date next week.”

“Ohh, who is he that managed to melt the ice queen’s heart?” Seokjin asks with a teasing smile.

“Shut up,” Taehyung laughs, “his name is Minjae, we have been lab partners for chem for the past semester and he asked me out when we were done with the project.”

“Oh we’re so happy for you!” Seokjin says sincerely with a hand on his heart.

“And you two, hyung?” Jungkook asks him, “still the disgusting married couple?”

“Marriage life is great, thank you very much,” Namjoon says with a contented smile, looking at Seokjin like he put the stars in the sky himself.

Yoongi can’t help but feel jealous of his friends sometimes, they’ve all got their lives figured out, with stable jobs and committed relationships, and what about him? His job isn’t stable and he’s in love with someone who doesn’t love him back, his various moods make living difficult and he just feels kinda lost most of the time.

Yoongi bites his lower lip nervously, half listening to the anecdote Namjoon is telling about Seokjin, half with his mind elsewhere, when he hears his phone ringing.

He glances at the screen and his heart stops beating in his chest for a second. The screen reads “Jiminie” and Yoongi almost wants to cry.

He knows why Jimin is calling, he fucking knows that it will destroy him and maybe it’s because he’s a bit of a masochist, maybe it’s because he’s in love, but he decides to answer.

“Hyung,” Jimin’s voice greets him, “hyung, why don’t ya come over for a lil while?”

Jimin is drunk, that much is obvious. Jimin seems to always be drunk these days, ever since he fought with Taehyung about something nobody wants to tell Yoongi.

That’s why he’s not with them tonight. Everybody knows about the fight and apparently everyone seems to be taking Taehyung’s side. Yoongi feels bad about cutting Jimin out like this, he tried to tell Hoseok but the other just sent him a glare and told him not to worry about it.

“I’m out at the moment,” he answers, and he hears the others’ conversation still.

“But hyung..” Jimin whines, “I’m all alone and I miss you.”

And that makes Yoongi’s heart make a somersault. He knows, he should know Jimin doesn’t really mean it. That it isn’t him Jimin misses, but his body, but he still can’t help it.

The thing is: Yoongi is weak. Yoongi is weak to whining and to Jimin, so Jimin whining is a lethal combination for him. And Yoongi is nothing more but a smitten bastard, so he stands up and grabs his jacket.

“Give me 10 minutes, I’ll be there,” he says in a decided tone.

“What’s going on?” Seokjin asks.

Yoongi puts on his jacket, feels almost ashamed at the explanation, so he doesn’t look at any of them in the eyes as he mutters a feeble “Jimin called.”

He feels rather than see the other’s disappointed glares.

“But we were having fun, can’t you tell him you’ll go there tomorrow?” Jungkook asks with his wide doe eyes.

“I’m sorry guys..” Yoongi murmurs.

“This is ridiculous,” Yoongi hears Hoseok say while he heads out.

Jimin calls and Yoongi goes running. It’s always been like this. Ever since they met that fateful day in college.

Yoongi had gone to pick up Hoseok from dance practice and he’d been stunned by the beautiful boy who was dancing at the moment.

Hoseok had told him to stay away, that Jimin was a good friend of his but that he was bad news, but Yoongi hadn’t listened and had begged the younger to introduce him. He should have listened.

They’d gotten to know each other over steaming cups of coffees and long conversations under the stars, and never Yoongi had felt so good just being in someone else’s company.

Then had come the day Jimin had kissed him out of nowhere. Jimin had lured him in his bed and Yoongi had never felt like leaving. Except that Jimin did, the morning after, laughing and telling him that it didn’t mean anything.

And Yoongi had been heartbroken for a while since he had already fallen for the younger. Until it happened again and again and again until it was a few years later and they still were in the same situation.

Meaningless sex, that’s all their relationship is. Jimin lures him in like siren with his call and Yoongi can’t resist.

Yoongi knocks on the door. He’s breathing heavily since he run in order not to get wet by the rain.

Jimin opens the door and smiles at him, “You came!” he says excitedly, as if Yoongi would ever do otherwise.

“I came,” Yoongi confirms with a sad smile.

Jimin isn’t as drunk as he seemed to be and they find themselves under the covers in ten minutes time.

It’s the morning after when they finally talk.

“Hyung, sorry for ruining your night out last night,” Jimin says with a sad expression and Yoongi hates how that looks on him. Jimin should never be sad, especially not because of him.

“You didn’t, Min, seriously,” he says.

“Where you out with the guys?” Jimin asks.

They’re cuddling on the couch, a movie playing in the background but they’re just pretending to see it. Yoongi is playing with Jimin’s hair as he holds him in his arms.

It’s nice. It’s a feeling Yoongi should be used to, but for some reason it still comes as a surprise whenever they do something that doesn’t involve them getting naked together.

“Yeah..” Yoongi confesses, “you still fighting with Tae?”

Jimin nods, “Yeah, he’s being an asshole about something that doesn’t have anything to do with him.”

“Can’t you tell me what it was about? I could help,” Yoongi offers.

“I’m sorry hyung, but I can’t,” Jimin says biting his lip.

Yoongi nods, “Okay, I get it.. I wish I could help, Min.”

“You are,” Jimin looks up to stare into his eyes, “You do help, seriously.”

Yoongi smiles at him, “Do I really?”

“You help get my mind off things,” Jimin says with a predatory smile, “want to help again?”

And who is Yoongi to say no? They don’t leave the couch.

“Yoongi!” Hoseok yells from our of the door, “Yoongi, let me in!”

Yoongi gets up from the bed with a groan, throws on some jeans and a shirt he found lying around and goes to open the door.

“You’ve got my keys, you asshole,”

“I know, I just couldn’t be bothered to look for them,” Hoseok smiles sheepishly.

Yoongi shakes his head, “Come in before you catch a cold, you idiot.”

Hoseok smiles as he enters, but the smile is quick to fade.

“Is that Jimin’s jacket?” he asks looking at a leather jacket on the couch.

Yoongi bites his lower lip nervously, “Yeah.. he must have left it here last night.”

“Why was he here last night?” Hoseok asks.

Yoongi huffs, “Seok, you’re not my mother, I can do whatever I want and I imagine you can guess what he was doing here last night..”

“I know, but I’m your best friend, okay? I get to worry about you!” Hoseok says with a serious tone.

“D’you want some coffee?”

Hoseok shakes his head, “Some got chocolate would be nice, though,”

They’re silent as Yoongi prepares it, then they head out to the terrace to drink it, sitting on the floor as Yoongi takes out a cigarette and lights it up.

“So.. I’m sorry if I attacked you,” Hoseok starts.

Yoongi shakes his head, “I’m sorry for being so defensive, I know you worry.. but I can’t help how I feel, okay?”

“So nothing has changed?” Hoseok asks.

“Do you really expect it to?” Yoongi laughs bitterly, “our relationship has been the same for years, why would it change now?”

Hoseok shrugs, “I love Jimin, he’s like a brother to me, but sometimes I wish being friends with him wasn’t like running through a wall and hoping to come out with an intact skull,”

“He isn’t doing anything wrong..” Yoongi defends him, as he’s always doing these days.

“He’s playing with you!” Hoseok raises his voice.

“He’s not!” Yoongi answers, raising his tone as well, “He always told me we were nothing and I’m okay with that!”

“Oh Yoongi, as if I wasn’t there every time you cried because of him,” Hoseok snaps, “you’re not okay with it.”

“Okay maybe I’m not, but I wish you guys would stop blaming him when I was the one who made the decision to continue this!”

“But you did it ‘cause you’re in love with him!” Hoseok responds, “and the prick didn’t even notice!”

“It’s not his fault,” Yoongi says, then lowers his voice, “it’s not his fault, if anything, it’s mine.”

“Hyung.. I’m sick of fighting with you because of this, can’t you just stop it?” Hoseok pleads him, “I’m sick of seeing you hurt like this,”

“I can’t stop it,” Yoongi confesses, “I just want to have him, and if this is the only way I can then okay, I can take it.”

“Hyung..” Hoseok whispers with tears in his eyes.

Yoongi hugs him, “I’m fine, Seok, really.”

Hoseok breaks the hug to look at him in the eyes, “Are you taking your meds?”

Yoongi nods and changes the topic, “Do you know why Tae and Jimin fought?”

Hoseok looks away biting his lip, clearly debating whether to tell him or not, then he seems to decide because he huffs and starts talking, “Okay, Tae told Jin-hyung who told Jungkook who told me to not to tell you, but I feel like you should know.”

Yoongi throws his now finished cigarette away and nods, telling him to go on.

“It was about you, hyung, about this situation,” Hoseok confesses.

“What?” Yoongi asks incredulous.

“Yeah, honestly Tae was speaking for all of us when he told him to grow up, we’re not in college anymore hyung, and we haven’t been for a few years now, it’s time to settle down,” Hoseok says.

Yoongi shakes his head, “Jimin is free to do whatever he wants.”

“Not if it hurts you,” Hoseok says sincerely.

“Thank you guys..” Yoongi mutters while blushing, “for caring so much,”

“Of course, hyung,” Hoseok pulls him into another hug.

Yoongi doesn’t expect someone else to come knocking at his door. Hoseok has left a few hours ago now, and he isn’t expecting anyone.

It’s Jimin, Yoongi finds out when he opens the door.

“Hey,” Yoongi greets him, “what are you doing here?”

“I’ve been sexiled.. again,” Jimin laughs.

“Tae and that Minjae guy are still going strong?”

“Apparently,” Jimin lets himself in and shrugs off his coat on the couch and takes off his shoes.

“Are they serious?”

Jimin shrugs, “Hell if I know, they’re having sex, that’s all I know, but we both know that doesn’t mean they’re serious.”

Yoongi bites his lower lip, way to rub salt in the wound.

“Have you eaten?” Yoongi asks worried, knowing how easy it is for Jimin to lose himself and forget to eat, just how he knows how easy it is for him to love Jimin.

Jimin shakes his head, “Are you gonna prepare me something?”

Yoongi shrugs, “I have some leftover ramen, if you want,”

“Sure, it sounds fine,”

Yoongi takes it out of the microwave and sits in front of Jimin who starts eating. In the lightening of the kitchen he can’t help but notice the trail of hickeys on his neck, and he knows he isn’t the one who left them there.

That hurts Yoongi. A lot. He knows Jimin sleeps around a lot and not just with him, but still he can’t help but feel like crying.

“Are you and Tae okay now?”

It’s been a month since their fight and Yoongi is surprised he hasn’t heard anything about it by his friends. But he heard that Jungkook was hanging out with Jimin last week, so he figured everything was fine.

“Yeah, we talked,” Jimin explains, “everything is fine and dandy.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Yoongi says as he lights up a cigarette.

“You know I hate it when you smoke,” Jimin complains.

Oh, if only he knew it all started because of him, Yoongi wonders what Jimin would say. Just another dirty habit, just like sleeping with Jimin is. If only Jimin knew he’s way worse for him than nicotine ever was.

“I’m sorry darling,” Yoongi says sarcastically, “I’ll definitely stop a habit I’ve had for years just because you don’t like it.”

(He probably would if Jimin actually asked, but nobody needs to know that.)

Jimin laughs, “Yeah, you’re right.”

“So, how’s this week been?” Yoongi asks while taking a long drag, “we haven’t seen each other in a while,”

“You’re right, we haven’t, I missed you,” Jimin confesses.

“I missed you too,” Yoongi means it. Jimin probably doesn’t.

“I’ve been well, work has been killing me but when doesn’t it?” he asks rhetorically.

Jimin works for his father’s company. Yoongi isn’t sure what he actually does, he just knows that it kicks his ass. Something to do with celebrities and publicity and who the fuck knows.

He knows that Jimin and his parents aren’t on speaking terms, ever since Jimin came out as bisexual. His parents apparently couldn’t handle it and they’ve disowned him. After years they finally reached out again just to give him the company since his brother is still in university.

“Mmh, sounds like you need a distraction,” Yoongi mutters.

Jimin looks up at him, “Why? You offering?”

“Isn’t that why you came here anyways?”

“Oh, you know me too well,” Jimin laughs, “I’ve been with this girl from the company but she wasn’t as satisfying as you,”

“I’m glad to help,” Yoongi says with a smile, oh how he wishes Jimin sometimes would lie to him. He doesn’t. Jimin is always so fucking honest.

They don’t make it to the bedroom.

“I’m worried about you,” Seokjin sighs.

Yoongi huffs, “What is it now?”

“You look skinnier, have you been eating?”

Yoongi nods, “Yeah don’t worry, it’s just.. work, y’know?”

“Are you sure it doesn’t have anything to do with our.. resident mess?”

“Are you.. talking about Jimin?” Yoongi almost laughs. Resident mess, that’s a way to put it.

“You know I am,” Seokjin answers seriously.

They’re sitting inside a coffee shop, they’ve decided to meet up because Seokjin has finally finished shooting his new drama and has a lot of free time now, but everyone else was busy.

Yoongi had been cooped inside his studio for the whole day, and needed a distraction. He couldn’t figure out this one song, and Seokjin’s call gave him an excuse to quit for the time being.

“Everything is the same with him, really,” Yoongi admits, “I don’t know why you guys even bother asking.”

“I heard he had a fight with his parents the other day,”

“Really?” Yoongi asks surprised, “when? He didn’t tell me anything.”

“I don’t know when it happened, but I know it was recently, Tae told me the other day,” Seokjin explains.

“I noticed he was kinda.. out of it, but I didn’t even think it could have been be related to his parents,” Yoongi confesses.

“It’s not your fault for not noticing,” Seokjin says, “you know he doesn’t like talking about it.”

“Yeah but still,” Yoongi feels nervous, “do you think I should go check up on him?”

“As Jimin’s friend,” Seokjin starts, “I’d say yes, you know how good of an affect you have on him, but as your friend Yoongi,” Seokjin sighs, “I’d tell you not to go.”

“Do you mind if I go?”

“No, follow your heart, Yoongi,” Seokjin tells him with a sad smile.

Yoongi nods and gets up.

It has become dark out when he finally reaches Jimin’s apartment. He knocks desperately on the door, and Jimin opens it after a minute or two.

“Hey,” he smiles at him.

“Hey,” Yoongi smiles back.

Jimin lets him in and Yoongi makes himself at home, taking off his shoes and his coat.

“Are you okay, hyung?” Jimin asks, “why are you here?”

“Are you okay?” Yoongi retorts.

Jimin sighs deeply, the weight of what he holds on his chest has probably taken a toll on him.

But that’s the Jimin he is, that’s the Jimin they’ve always knows him as. Always happy and smiling as if he doesn’t have any worry in the world. But he does, he just doesn’t share them with anybody.

And for once, for once Yoongi has come is as his friend, bit as his lover, an wants to help him and support him because God knows how much the poor man must need it.

Yoongi doesn’t notice it at first, but then he feels Jimin shaking against him.

“Are you crying?” he whispers.

Jimin laughs but it sounds broken, “Yeah, it’s stupid right? I’m almost thirty and I’m still here crying like a little boy.”

“It’s not stupid, Min, it’s not,”

“You probably didn’t come over for this, right?” Jimin tries to pull himself together, “give me like ten minutes and then we can go.”

“I don’t want that,” Yoongi shakes his head, “not tonight.”

And Jimin just stops still and looks at him, a look of uncertainty in his eyes. Like he can’t quite believe that someone could ever want to spend time with him if it doesn’t evolve in sex.

And Yoongi’s heart breaks again. Just what has Jimin gone through that left him broken like this. Yoongi cries for him, thinks of how much he must have had to stand in his whole life because of his parents and whatever the fuck happened with his previous lovers.

Just what broke Jimin?

“Tonight I’m here as Yoongi, your friend,” he states.

And Jimin smiles at him, with a softness so pure Yoongi’s heart melts. It’s like Jimin has never had a friend who hasn’t taken advantage of him, and that worries Yoongi. Just what has his beautiful, strong boy gone through?

They settle on the couch, cuddled up against each other, hands held tight as Jimin cries his heart out.

“They never wanted me, my parents,” Jimin is saying, “and you know by taking over the company and doing this stupid job that I fucking hate, I thought, God I was so stupid, but I thought it would finally make them accept me, oh how naive I was,”

“You weren’t, baby, everyone would have thought that,” Yoongi consoles him, sliding his fingers through his hair.

“But now they’re blaming me if anything in the company goes wrong and I.. I don’t even know if I can do it anymore,” Jimin hiccups, “This is not the life I wanted for me, hyung,”

“Why don’t you just.. quit?” Yoogi propones, “Jihyun should be old enough now, right?”

“Yeah but then I’d be back to be a nobody for my family and I.. I can’t do that.”

“But dancing is your passion, you should follow your heart, Min,”

They stay there for what feels like hours, with Jimin crying desperately in his arms, mumbling something about his family and how he can’t disappoint them anymore.

When Jimin has calmed down, he starts languidly kissing Yoongi’s neck and yes, Yoongi came here as a friend, but who is he to resist Jimin?

He wakes up in Jimin’s bed the morning after.

Yoongi is laying under Jimin when he has a sudden realisation.

Jimin is riding him, bouncing on him as he realises he’ll never get over him if they keep doing this.

Jimin moans in his ear, something about how good it feels or whatever, but Yoongi can’t help but feel stuck. It’s like he’s having an out of body experience.

He thinks back of all the years he wasted sleeping around with Jimin instead of looking for someone to settle down with like his friends did. If he doesn’t like his life so much, he’s the only who can do something to change it.

And Yoongi loves him, he does, he loves him when he shares his bed and he loves him when he doesn’t. He loves him even when he loves alone, but he can’t go on like this, this is destroying him.

Yoongi needs some new rules.

Chapter Text

Yoongi has spent the whole night thinking, and now he thinks he’s ready. Ready to end things with Jimin.

“We need to talk,” is the first thing he says, as soon as the younger wakes up.

“That sounds.. serious,” Jimin giggles nervously.

“It is,” Yoongi says.

He feels invincible right now. He’s got strength from the adrenaline and the fact that he’s been awake all night, his hands are shaking.

“Min, I don’t think we should do this anymore,”

He doesn’t expect the brief flash of hurt in Jimin’s eyes. It’s there for a moment, until Jimin puts on his mask and smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Yoongi wonders if he’s imagined it.

“Okay, I get it,” Jimin says cordially.

And Yoongi.. one part of him is relieved because he finally did it, he finally can start to move on, another part of him is sad and maybe even a little disappointed. The part of him who’s unconditionally in love with Jimin wanted him to be angry, to scream, to cry, not.. whatever his reaction was.

“It’s been going on for too long,” Yoongi tries to explain.

“Of course, yeah, it’s been years,” Jimin agrees.

“I’ve reached that age where I kinda want to settle down,” Yoongi continues.

“Oh yeah, obviously,” Jimin nods.

“So.. that’s it?” Yoongi asks.

“That’s it,” Jimin confirms.

And that really is it. Jimin grabs his clothes, gets dressed up and leaves while muttering goodbye.

Yoongi sighs, looks at his pack of cigarettes but decides not to smoke one, since he’s already started saying no to his bad habits.

First Jimin, then smoking, he feels happy, healthy, like he could take down the world.

It isn’t bound to last.

He’s crying in Jungkook’s arms.

“I just miss him so much,” he explains.

“Hyung, it’s been two weeks,”

“I know, but..”

“No buts, what happened to you? You sounded so happy when you told us that you had cut it off?” Jungkook is confused.

“I know!” Yoongi whines, “and I was, still am, I even stopped smoking, but now I realise that I might have made a mistake, he hasn’t texted me once!”

“Have you tried texting him?”

“No, what the hell am I supposed to say?” Yoongi looks at him like he’s crazy.

“Then he must be thinking the same thing,” Jungkook reasonates.

“But I thought we would at least stay friends!” Yoongi pouts.

It’s kind of a ridiculous sight. A man in his thirties crying while eating chocolate ice cream, in his pjs, watching a movie about true love or whatever.

“Hyung..” Jungkook sighs, “I don’t know what’s going through Jimin’s mind, I just know that he went to Busan.”

“He went where?” Yoongi sobs.

“He went back to Busan, is spending some time with his brother probably, I don’t know, his texts where really short,” Jungkook explains.

“Shit, I can’t believe he went back to his family even though they fought, I wonder why he did it,” Yoongi muses.

“Maybe.. hyung, do you think that maybe he hasn’t been taking this as well as you think he has?” Jungkook asks.

“Why do you mean?”

“Maybe you hurt him,” Jungkook says.

“How? He didn’t care about me, not in the way I did at least,” Yoongi says immediately.

Truth is: Jungkook knows Jimin, has known him ever since they were kids back in Busan, playing around with dirty clothes and scratches on their knees. And Jungkook knows Jimin. He knows how he gets when he goes out to party, the way he remembers everyone birthdays and how soft he gets with Taehyung, and he also knows how he's capable of making Yoongi feel everything he has never felt before and then some more.

Jungkook knows Jimin, he knows him well, and he knows that Jimin would only leave everything behind when he was hurting. He did it for the first time when his asshole of an ex boyfriend, his first boyfriend, destroyed him in the worst ways possible. Left for Seoul without telling a soul and left everyone, left him, behind.

“Hyung.. what if?” Jungkook asks, eyes wide, “what if he did?”

“No no no,” Yoongi shakes his head, “I can’t start thinking like that, that would only destroy me, Jimin didn’t love me. Full stop.”

Jungkook sighs and goes back to petting his hair, “Whatever you say, hyung.”

But still, the doubt doesn’t leave his mind. He thinks about it all the time, especially on those nights where sleep just can’t seem to find him, or when he’s in the studio and he doesn’t get inspiration.

Or right now, when he’s surrounded by his friends.

They’re doing movie night at Taehyung and Jimin’s, but the latter is still in Busan, so it’s just the six of them. They’re doing an Harry Potter marathon and, as much as Yoongi loves the movies, his brain can’t stop replaying Jungkook’s words.

What if Jimin did love him? What if his feelings were returned? How is he supposed to know, now that he’s thrown everything away?

He decides to not think about it. He’s written down some rules and stuck the paper to his fridge. Rule one says he’s not allowed to think about the what ifs.

“I’m just saying, Jiminie would be a total Slytherin,” Namjoon is saying.

“Yeah, he would, that fucking snake,” Taehyung agrees with a laugh.

“You’d be a Ravenclaw,” Seokjin tells him.

Taehyung nods, “Totally, and you hyung would be a Gryffindor.”

“Jungkook as well,” Hoseok chimes in.

“And you would be a Hufflepuff,” Namjoon says with a laugh.

Hoseok doesn’t try to argue, “Yoongi-hyung would totally be a Slytherin,”

“Hey!” Yoongi decides to butt in, “I’m one of the good ones,”

“What? Slytherins aren’t bad,” Hoseok argues, “they’re like determined and shit, and you are.”

“Oh, I’m shit?” Yoongi teases him.

Hoseok hits him on the shoulder, “Shut up, you know what I meant.”

The conversation keeps going on about some ridiculous things, when Yoongi feels his phone ring in his pocket.

He takes it out and finds out it’s a call from Jimin. Hoseok, who’s sitting next to him on the couch watches as well as Yoongi gangs up and puts his phone back in his pocket.

He feels Hoseok put his hand on his shoulders for comfort. And it’s fine, honestly.

He’s not thinking about why Jimin is calling him at one in the morning, he must probably be drunk and feel alone and in need of some comfort, but Yoongi isn’t the one who should provide it for him anymore.

At the end of the night, Hoseok stops him while he’s on his way out.

“I’m proud of you, hyung,” he says while hugging him.

Yoongi sighs, he’s proud of himself as well, “Thank you,”

He goes home alone that night.

Yoongi is having the most relaxing day he’s had in a while.

He’s sitting in the bathtub with a sheet mask on his face, drinking red wine and listening to classical music.

The group Yoongi made those three songs for at the company has debuted by now, so he isn’t required to do anything for the time being since other producers are taking care of the other artists l, so they sent him home early.

He’s cooked stew for dinner, hot and ready to be eaten as soon as he gets out of the bath.

Yoongi feels relaxed and calm, he really needs days like this every once in a while, when everything becomes so overwhelming he forgets to take care of himself.

His thoughts shift to Jimin, he hasn’t seen or heard from the younger in exactly a month and for all he knows, the younger might still be in Busan. And honestly, he does miss him, a lot, but he’s trying to get over him and he feels like it might be working.

He gets out of the tub, dries himself and puts on some one of his robes, a silk one, and heads for the kitchen. His new kitten, Binx, greets him at the entrance of the kitchen.

“Hi, baby,” Yoongi says, scratching his ears, “daddy’ll give you some food now,”

He puts some cat food in a plate and leaves in on the floor for Binx to eat. He sits at the table and starts eating his meal. The stew tastes delicious, and he decides that he should definitely cook more often.

He’s washing the dishes when the doorbell rings.

He isn’t expecting anyone so he’s a bit surprised. He hurries to the door and looks out of the peephole.

His heart gets stuck in his chest when he realises who it is. It’s Jimin, beautiful Jimin whos apparently back from Busan and the first thing he did after getting back to Seoul was to show up at Yoongi’s door.

He’s changed. His hair is black now, not blonde anymore, but he still looks gorgeous, maybe a bit skinnier than when he left.

And Yoongi isn’t stupid, he knows why Jimin is here. He’s probably looking for some comfort after spending some terrible days with his family.

But Yoongi can’t. He can’t give that to Jimin anymore, he can’t give himself to Jimin anymore. He knows that if he lets him in, the younger would find ways to seduce him and they’ll end up in bed, with Jimin inside of him, but he can’t do that. Not when he’s been strong to resist to his urges for so long.

Yoongi doesn’t let him in.

He hurries to his bedroom, locks the door with shaking hands and slides down to the floor with his back pressed to the door.

He’s shaking. He feels like crying.

He feels like all of his progress has been in vain, but on another hand he’s proud of himself. If he hadn’t decided to get over him, he would have opened the door. But he hasn’t.

Jimin is outside and he can’t hurt him. Not anymore. Yoongi’s done with that.

Jimin stays outside of the door for another ten minutes, then he leaves and finally Yoongi can breathe again.

His phone rings and he’s terrified to see Jimin name on the screen, but it’s Taehyung instead.

“Hey, Tae,” he says with a smile forming on his face.

“Hey hyung, where are you?” Taehyung asks, his tone worried.

“I’m at home, why?”

“Jimin just came back from Busan,” Taehyung explains, “he told me that he stopped by at yours but you weren’t home.”

Yoongi sighs, “I am home, I just didn’t feel like opening the door,”

Taehyung stays silent for a few minutes, then he speaks again, “I’m really proud of you, Yoongi-hyung,”

Yoongi feels tears prickle at the corner of his eyes, “Thank you, kiddo.”

Sleep doesn’t come easy for him that night.

Yoongi doesn’t know how he let Namjoon convince him to do this. This being - going to a party. A party with all of their university friends, to catch up and shit, Namjoon had said.

He hadn’t wanted to do, but he hadn’t seen his friends in almost a month, being busy with work and stuff so he let Namjoon choose his clothes and drag him to Hoseok’s flat.

Yoongi feels out of place. Parties aren’t really his thing, have never been, doesn’t understand how people can find them fun when all they do is drink some cheap alcohol and jump to unnecessarily loud music.

He’s said hi to a few of the guys who were in his music production course, and now he’s standing outside, smoking.

When he heads inside he sees something he wasn’t expecting.

Jimin is there, in a corner of the room, talking to Taehyung and Jungkook. Jimin who looks better than he ever did, with tight clothes, his usual choice of accessories and light make up on his already pretty face. His black hair complement him well, and he looks a few years younger.

They seem to be in the middle of an antsy conversation and when Yoongi passes by them, he hears the name Joonki and ‘that asshole’.

Yoongi knows a bit about Joonki, from whispered conversation and Taehyung’s screaming. He’s Jimin’s ex, his first boyfriend ever, the guy who ruined him.

Yoongi has no idea why they’re talking about him all of a sudden and has no idea to find out. He’s not Jimin’s friend at the moment.

When he goes into the kitchen so grab something more to drink, he meets Namjoon.

“Hey hyung,” he says, “having fun?”

Yoongi shrugs, “It’s alright.”

“I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t have dragged you here,” Namjoon says seriously biting his lower lip.

“You know, I’m kinda glad you did,” Yoongi admits, and he means it, he would have probably spent another boring night at home otherwise, “I got to catch up with some mates, it was alright.”

“Then I’m glad, I’m glad you’re doing alright, hyung,” Namjoon confesses.

Yoongi smiles, “I’m glad too,”

Jimin is crying by the time he heads out of the kitchen. Crying in Taehyung and Jungkook’s arms but Yoongi doesn’t walk closer to find out what happened to him.

He can’t risk to be his friend again and then wake up in his bed in the morning.

It’s New Year’s eve and they’re at Namjoon and Seokjin’s, having dinner.

It’s been a month since the party and since Yoongi has seen all of his friends in one place, and he missed it.

“So, Minjae and I got lost in Jeju and ended up having to talk to some locals, and let me tell you, they’re hard to understand,” Taehyung laughs.

“But you guys had fun, right?” Seokjin asks.

Taehyung nods, “Yeah, I’m starting to think he’s the one, you know?”

“Really?” Jimin asks.

“Yeah, we just clicked so well and.. I think I love him now,” Taehyung says shyly with a blush on his cheeks.

“Oh, look at our Tae, all grown up,” Jungkook laughs, reaching out to pinch his cheeks.

“Shut up, you’re like 12,” Taehyung says, swatting his arm away.

“Wait what’s that?” Namjoon asks.

“What’s what?” Taehyung retorts.

“That thing on Jungkook’s finger!” Namjoon exclaims.

“Oh we haven’t told them,” Hoseok laughs, “we’re getting married!”

“You’re what?”

“Oh my God!”

“Holy shit, guys,” Yoongi laughs along, “congratulations! How did that happen?”

“He took me out for dinner on our anniversary,” Jungkook starts telling, “then the idiot just got down on one knee in the middle of the super packed restaurant and asked me,”

“I didn’t just ask you,” Hoseok says with an offended tone, “I had a whole speech and shit.”

“He did,” Jungkook smiles while blushing, “It was very nice.”

“It wasn’t just nice,” Hoseok retorts, “It was romantic and the best thing that ever happened to you,”

Everyone laughs and Jungkook blushes, “It actually was,”

The two share a kiss and everyone makes fake disgusted noises.

Yoongi looks around the table at his friends, and for once he doesn’t feel jealous. Yes, they all have their lives figured out and stable relationships, but so does he.

The company has decided to finally hire him full time and he may not have a relationship, but he has his friends and that’s enough for him at the moment. He’s been taking care of himself and of Binx, and he’s happy the way he is.

He isn’t hung up on a hopeless love anymore, and that’s the best things that happened to him this year.

“Do you have a lighter?”

“Yeah, of course,” Yoongi says, turns around and finds himself face to face with the man he had been trying to avoid. Jimin.

Jimin who’s staring at him with a cigarette between his plump lips.

“Thought you hated smoking,” Yoongi says while passing him the lighter.

Jimin shrugs as he lights up his cigarette, “I picked it up in Busan, staying with my parents was too much.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Yoongi says, taking a long drag.

“Dad was pissed off,” Jimin informs him.

“Why?”

“I left the company,” Jimin confesses.

“You did what?” Yoongi is shocked.

“I left the company,” Jimin says again, “It was getting too much, I couldn’t do it.”

“What are you doing now?” Yoongi asks curiously.

“I’m teaching dance with Hoseok-hyung,” Jimin says with a smile, “the kids are adorable and I enjoy it a lot,”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Yoongi says, sincerely.

“What have you been up to, hyung?” Jimin asks, “haven’t really heard much from you ever since.. you know..”

Yoongi ignores that last part, “I’ve been well, writing music, the usual, you know.”

“You look better,” Jimin says with a smile, “like you’re doing better.”

“I am,” Yoongi confesses, and he means it. He’s taken to have three meals a day and sleeps more than five hours at night. The truth is that ever since he left Jimin he’s been feeling more like taking care of himself.

“I’m happy for you, then,” Jimin smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

Now that Yoongi is taking a proper look st him, the younger doesn’t look that good, at all. He’s way skinnier that he used to be, there are dark circles under his eyes badly covered by the make up and he smells vaguely like alcohol. It shouldn’t worry Yoongi so much.

“Jimin,” he says with a sigh, sitting cross legged on the ground and throwing away his now finished cigarette, “what happened to you?”

Jimin sits on the ground as well, takes a long drag from his cigarette and his voice trembles when he starts to speak, “When I was in Busan.. I met Joonki-hyung,”

“Shit Jimin, I didn’t know that,” Yoongi says.

“Of course you didn’t, you and I don’t talk anymore,” Jimin says with bitterness in his voice.

Yoongi gulps, “You could have reached out as well,” he points out.

“And what? Have you ignore me?” Jimin raises his tone, “Just like the call you didn’t answer, or that time I came by and you didn’t open to me?”

“I’m sorry,” Yoongi says and he means it, he has no excuses to why he’s been a shitty friend, so he decides to just tell Jimin the truth, “I’ve been trying to get over you,”

There’s confusion in Jimin’s eyes, then he seems to get it. Jimin stops what he’s doing and he opens and closes his mouth a few times, “Hyung.. you.. for how long?”

“Since before we started,” Yoongi admits.

“Since before we.. hyung that’s a long time,”

“It is,” Yoongi confirms.

“Shit, I..” Jimin seems at loss for words, “I didn’t know.”

“Really? Did you not have even an idea?” Yoongi asks curiously.

“Shit no, I had no idea..” Jimin sighs, “I’m so sorry hyung.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Min,” Yoongi says, looking at him in the eyes for the first time since their conversation started.

“But I hurt you so much,” Jimin tries to resonate.

“It wasn’t on purpose,” Yoongi says, “what were you saying about Joonki?”

“Oh right, Joonki, that asshole, has a new victim. I saw the two of them around, they didn’t have the nicest things to say,”

“I’m so sorry, Min,”

“Stop apologising, it isn’t your fault,” Jimin says.

They talk a bit more about that asshole of Jimin’s ex boyfriend and Yoongi sees the hurt in Jimin’s eyes, knows that he isn’t completely over whatever fucked up relationship the two of them had. And Yoongi realises that Jimin could have never loved him back, not when he was still all hung up over what his ex did to him.

And honestly, Yoongi doesn’t feel any pain upon realising this. He just feels hopeful; hopeful that Jimin someday will manage to get over whatever happened to him and be ready to love again.

And then, maybe then Yoongi will come into play. But for now, they are fine the way they are: sharing a cigarette while the others count down to ten, being friends again.

The countdown reaches zero. A new years starts. That’s it. Yoongi is officially over Park Jimin.