Chapter Text
“What about Flo?”
“Who?”
“Flo! You know, with the hair, and the white outfit…”
“Are you talking about the damn woman from the Progressive commercials?”
“She’s hot!”
It’s Friday night, and Dean and his crowd are at Harvelle’s like always, sitting on the couches towards the back underneath the sign with “VIP LOUNGE” spelled out in glued-down beer bottle caps. Harvelle’s is on the ass-end of Wichita, thirty minutes from where Dean lives and even further from where he works, but he and his friends have been coming here for years. It’s home, like his car, his brother, and his dad’s old leather jacket.
Right now Jo’s sprawled out on one couch, even though she works here and it’s the middle of her shift. Mick is perched on one arm of the couch, trying not to fall off while Jo pushes at him with the tips of her feet. Charlie and Ash are each holding on to the last chicken finger, and have been for three minutes. Dean’s money is on Charlie winning, but either way who wants to eat something that’s had someone’s greasy hand on it? Tessa and Ketch are sitting… close. It bugs Dean. Not because he thinks Tessa would do anything, but because he knows Ketch would. Somehow Dean ended up in the big recliner on his own. Tessa could come sit on here with him; she used to.
And yet…
No, it’s fine. Dean’s going to enjoy his Friday, drink some beer, play “Who would you bang” with his friends, and pour himself into a cab at closing.
“Hey,” Dean says, sitting forward so he can smack Ash’s hand and let Charlie have the last chicken finger, “if Mick wants to fuck Flo from Progressive, let the man fuck Flo from Progressive.”
“Thank you,” Mick says, almost too enthusiastically. Victor walks over with a pitcher of beer, filling everyone’s glasses then looking around expectantly.
“You anglin’ for a tip, sweetheart?” Dean says, grinning.
“Waiting for one of you assholes to move out of the way so I can sit,” Victor says, pointedly staring at Jo, who stares back with a lazy smile. “Move your legs or I’m sitting on them.” Jo sticks her tongue out, but moves her legs.
“Mick wants to stick it in Flo,” Jo says.
“Who’s Flo?”
“The Progressive lady.”
“From the commercials?!”
The chatter continues for a while, and Dean drifts in and out, mostly looking at the way Tessa and Ketch’s knees are almost touching, but not quite. At some point he realizes Tessa and Ketch are staring at him. In fact, everyone’s staring at him.
“I, uh… huh?” Dean tries.
“Dude, come back to Earth,” Jo says, eyebrows raised high.
“Sorry, what did you say?”
“I asked who your celebrity freebies were.”
“My what?”
Jo rolls her eyes. “You know, the celebrities you’re allowed to cheat with!”
“Is it really cheating if you’re allowed?” Ketch says. Tessa snorts next to him.
“I dunno,” Dean says, shrugging. “What are yours?”
“I already said mine. Core Avengers, swap out Stark for T’Challa.”
Dean narrows his eyes. “Wait, so the actors or the characters? You’re never going to fuck Thor.”
“I’m never going to fuck the guy that plays him, I don’t think it matters.”
“I take it Mick’s freebie list is just a paper with ‘Flo from Progressive’ written on it,” Dean says, grinning over at Mick, who shrugs.
“I like what I like,” Mick says.
“Vic?” Dean asks.
Victor shakes his head. “Don’t need a freebie list when you’re single. I’m wide open.”
“Interesting wording,” Jo says with a smirk.
“You go, Charlie,” Ash says.
Charlie’s ready right away. “Scarlett Johansson, obviously, Lupita Nyong’o, Lucy Lawless, Paula Patton… especially if she’s in her Warcraft makeup, yum… and then Castiel Novak.”
Everyone stops staring at Dean to look at Charlie.
“Castiel Novak?” Tessa says. “He’s gay, Charlie.”
“So? So am I. He’s my ‘if I had to pick a guy’. No sex though, not even for Castiel Novak. But you know. I’d make out with him. A lot.”
“Oh hell yeah, me too,” Jo says, nodding.
“Absolutely,” Tessa says.
Interesting. Dean had no idea his girlfriend was into the guy from Halo Project. “Who else is on your list, Tess?”
Tessa tosses Dean a flirty grin. “I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”
“You first.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“Okay, so… Castiel Novak,” Tessa says, leaning forward and away from Ketch, “Idris Elba… he’s number one. Number one, Dean. Dean, I’d drop you right now for Idris Elba,” Tessa says emphatically. She’s a little chattery when she’s tipsy, it’s always cute.
“Got it, Tess, jeez.”
“Okay so Idris Elba, Castiel Novak, Ryan Reynolds, Steven Yeun, and then Jon Hamm… because well you know.”
Ketch speaks for what seems like the first time tonight. “I really don’t.” Tessa nudges him.
“You knoooow,” she says again.
“I have no idea.”
“He has a big dick, jeez,” Jo says.
“Ah, Dean not satisfying?” Ketch says to Tessa. Dick. Why is he being a dick?
“First of all, you’ve seen my dick, so you can fuck off with that. Second—”
“Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah,” Tessa says, looking back and forth between Dean and Ketch, “when did you see Dean’s dick?”
“You remember,” Charlie says. “Two years ago, the hot chocolate.”
Dean’s thighs are burning just hearing that.
“Oh right, Dean’s poor dick,” Tessa says mournfully.
“It was three years ago, and Dean’s poor dick is fine now, thanks,” Dean says, crossing his legs and glaring when he hears Victor and Ash snicker.
“Still waiting on that list, Dean-a-ling,” Jo says.
“Okay, but… never call me that again. How many on the list?”
“Five’s the standard,” Charlie says eagerly.
“Okay, Morena Baccarin, Gina Torres—”
“You can’t just name five women from Firefly,” Charlie interrupts.
“I wasn’t, and you let Jo name five from Avengers!” Dean grouses. “Okay Morena Baccarin, Gina Torres…” Dean pauses, because he really was going to name five women from Firefly. “Chloe Bennet, Jamie Chung, uh… oh, and Castiel Novak,” he says, smirking at Charlie.
“I’ll fight you for him,” Charlie says.
“Is he really on your list?” Victor says from the couch.
“Wouldn’t surprise me one bit if Dean had a guy on his list,” Tessa says, “I’ve seen the look on his face when he watches Dr. Sexy.”
“Oh, that’s right!” Charlie practically yells. “Surprised he wasn’t on your list.”
“Should I bump Novak for Dr. Sexy?” Dean chuckles.
“No way,” Jo says from the couch. “Castiel Novak is from Kansas—”
“A lot of actors are from Kansas,” Mick cuts in.
“Dean has a better shot with Castiel! He’s nearby!”
“He’s not nearby, Halo Project doesn’t film here, and I’m not actually going to sleep with him,” Dean says with an eye roll.
“That’s the whole point of the freebie list,” Tessa says.
“Are you saying you want me to go bone a guy?”
“Actually that would be pretty hot…” Tessa leans back on the couch, smiling with her eyes closed.
Ketch makes a noise of mild disgust. “You swing that way, Dean?”
He does, but he’s never told anyone here that. Gordon’s back in Lawrence, high school was a long time ago, and Dean hasn’t ever seriously dated a guy anyway.
Before Dean can answer, he hears the sound of a hand hitting the table with force. “What the damn hell is that supposed to mean?” It’s Jo, she looks pretty irritated.
“Nothing, I merely didn’t know if Dean was interested in men,” Ketch says, voice even.
“Yeah but you said it all… ewwwwwwww-like,” Charlie says. She looks more disappointed than mad.
“I have no problem if a girl wants to—”
“Oh God. Oh sweet Jesus. Oh heavenly Cthulu, if Arthur Ketch is one of those ‘same sex is only okay when it’s women’ assholes… grant me the fucking strength.” Okay, now Charlie sounds mad. Jo looks like she’s about to break a beer bottle and get to stabbing.
No one’s smiling now. Wow, this night took a sudden turn.
“I apologize,” Ketch says. It sounds sincere enough. He’s an asshole, but he’s not stupid. “I have no idea where I was going with that, I apologize for how it sounded.”
“I gotta get back behind the bar,” Jo says, rising to her feet. She walks off without a goodbye, muttering about “stupid British pricks” under her breath as she goes.
“Way to fucking go, English,” Ash says, frowning at the space Jo used to occupy. Dean’s pretty sure Ash has a crush on Jo, but he’s not about to stick his nose in that mess.
Tessa’s moved away from Ketch. Good.
Everything is tense now, though, which is a bummer. “Just for that, I’m keeping Novak on the list,” Dean says, trying to lighten the mood. There’s a chuckle from Charlie and a deep British sigh from Ketch.
“Well, I think the next round is on ol’ Arty,” Victor says, gesturing to the empty beer pitcher.
Ketch lets out an even deeper and even more British sigh. He hates being called Arty, Dean knows. Dean grins. Maybe the night’s not tanked yet.