Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Part I.

                This was nothing new to them, they’ve been here before. They can’t recall how many times but certainly this wasn’t their first.

                It always starts with this darkness, an abyss of some sort but not really because for some reason, they can tell the dimensions of the place. It’s there but almost non-existent. Then there’s the initial feeling that they are floating mid-air but realize they are standing on something solid only when they look down, there is no solid ground, but they aren’t floating, they’re sure they are standing on something solid. Then comes the voices, those icy, nerve-wracking voices. It’s even more disturbing when they know those voices belong to people they know. And it doesn’t further help when their icy-yet-familiar voices call out to them.

                “Give and take, give and take, give and take…”

                That’s the most distinguishable phrases they can tell apart from the other voices that is seemingly spoken in undistinguishable languages. It sounded snake-like, rather.

                The voices kept repeating it until they decide to follow the voices. And as the voices grew louder and louder, until a door appears at a distance, suddenly opening and realizing that’s where the voices were coming from.

                “Give and take, give and take, give and take…”

                And as in every dream, as they near the door, a hand clasps on one of their shoulders followed by a soft but warning voice, “Don’t.” They always stop and then turn to her. And as always, before seeing her, they would close their eyes in comfort as she cups their faces, like a mother comforting a child. “It’s alright now. All is well.” Her soothing voice melts their muscles and maybe their bones. The voices became distant like she’s dragging them away from those demons.

                They sigh, content with her touch and decide to open their eyes but she whispers, “Not yet.”

                When, they wanted to ask.

                “Not yet,” she repeats as if she read their minds. “Patience.” Suddenly, they felt naked, lost her touch.

               “Time to Wake.”

***

                He woke up not with a jolt anymore. He has been used to it for quite a while now, the dream. He just sighs, tiredly not from sleep but rather from frustration. If he is being honest to himself, he’s getting tired of that dream. How long has he been having it? Five years, he thinks. That’s too long and he’d much rather have a new dream instead of that kind-of-nightmare.

                It’s 7:55 AM when he checks his digital clock, too early for him to be up but reminded himself what today was, so he knew he had to get ready.

                His morning ritual never changed. It was coffee first, listen to morning radio, check emails despite not having a job at the moment, and then a long shower. Lately, he’d been enjoying these showers because he pretends he has more time to think. Like the world will stop just for him just so he could think.

                This day should feel different for him but for him, it’s really not. It’s really not for various reasons that no one could ever understand. Does that make him weird? Probably, he thinks. Well, he already considered himself weird. But to everyone else he knows, it was not a day for any celebrations. To him, it may just be another ordinary day.

                They wouldn’t understand.

                With one last rinse of his hair, he shook out the water from his body and got out of the shower. He finished drying himself with a towel before he wiped the foggy mirror to see his reflection. He stared at it for a good long minute thinking if he should re-dye his hair or get a haircut since the length has been blocking his eyes lately, and his roots are showing its natural brown color but at the same time the brown still goes well with his long blond tips so maybe he might have to dye it again next month.

                Now for clothes. It’s not a big deal usually for him but today is different despite his feelings otherwise. For some reason, he needs to look good, though he is not being narcissistic about it. He just felt like doing so. So for clothes, he decides to wear these black skinny jeans with ripped knees, a faded out Anthrax muscle shirt, dark red doc martens for footwear, and his faux red leather jacket.

                One last check to the mirror, he gave himself a crooked smile and thought he was good to go. He grabbed his wallets, keys, and his Ray Ban aviator before he left his apartment.

***

                Ray looked at his friend sadly. He knows he shouldn’t be giving his friend alcohol at 10 AM in the morning but Frank insisted and took the bottle himself.

                “Frank, you need to sober up. You don’t want Mikey to see you like this, do you?” Just the mention of the younger Way’s name stiffens Frank but gave no vocal response. Ray shouldn’t be that surprised by that reaction because who would feel calm about it anyway? Mikey Way suddenly shows up back in town and invites them to visit Gerard’s grave. Nothing unusual really until Ray noticed, that day, that Mikey seemed to calm and not too sad about it. If he could interpret it, it seems the younger Way’s invitation was more of an afterthought rather than a well thought-out plan.

                Ray was walking out of the record store just to reserve an order. He could have easily ignored the person walking pass him if not for that familiar red jacket.

                “Mikey?”

                The tall, lanky blond man stopped and turned around and see who had called him. It didn’t take for him less than five seconds to recognize the curly haired man. “Ray!”

                The two laughed and shared a warm welcome hug. “I’ve missed you,” Mikey said, his voice muffled by Ray fro.

                “God, me too,” Ray whispered back. They pulled away from each other but not letting the younger Way go yet. Ray studied him and said, “You… look good, Mikey.”

                That earned a chuckle from Mikey and said, “You too.” Ray didn’t agree because lately he thinks he look like shit but maybe Mikey only said it just to be polite.

                “How long- When did you return? Where have you been?!” Ray asks as he slightly shook Mikey. Once again the younger man chuckles. “You had us all worried!”

                Mikey looked sorry at that moment and politely pulled away from Ray’s grasps. “You know… I had to get away… You know.”

                Yes, Ray knows but, “You could have at least notified us! If it wasn’t for you mother, we could have- we coul-”

                “Have thought I was dead,” Mikey finished. “Sorry” but he didn’t sound like he was at all.

                “Five years…” Ray trailed off.

                Mikey sighed and looked down at his shoes. “I’m sorry for making you all worry.” This time, he sounded as if he meant it.

                Ray felt like tearing up at that moment but held it, so instead of tears, he hugged Mikey again. “Don’t ever do that ever again!” His voice sounded broken but he didn’t care. He was just glad that Mikey was back.

                Mikey hugged back as tightly as Ray’s. “Sorry.”

                Eventually, the two decided to have some coffee at a nearby café where they used to hang out. When Mikey returned from the cashier counter, Ray noticed his order. “That’s Gerard’s order,” he says aloud without meaning to.

                Mikey looks down at the hot beverage as he settles down on his seat and says, “Yeah. I kind of like the taste now. Accustomed to it, rather.”

                “Oh,” was all Ray says. He thought that Mikey changed at first glance for he noticed he lost old Mikey habits such as his awkward slouch, the glasses, his hair, and even his monotone voice and face all with these expressions barely seen before, but now that he’s at this proximity, he noticed remnants of the late Way. The red jacket, a gift from Gerard, the hair dye, like his still trying to grip of what’s left of Gerard in his life.

                He wants to know, he wants to ask but he’s scared that he’ll see the depressed version of Mikey again.

                “So how’s Frank?” Mikey suddenly asks, shaking Ray out of his thoughts. “Does he still play?”

                Ray takes a sip of his coffee before he answers, “Yeah, he still plays but not in gigs anymore. Just more of a hobby, I guess.” As for Frank himself, what would Ray say? He’s fucking miserable. He can’t say that to Mikey yet. “He’s doing okay, in general. Helps out in the bar time to time on weekends but lately, he got a job in a daycare center.” Being a daycare teacher helps Frank distract himself, so Ray is happy about that.

                Mikey gave Ray this amused crooked smirk, Ray almost furrows his brows when he noticed this. Another remnant of Gerard? “With the tattoos he has, he got the job?” It didn’t sound like a joking insult but more of amusement.

                Ray chuckles at that. “Yeah, surprised me, too. You should have seen his face when he came into the bar jumping, shouting at me he got the job.” He smiles at that memory of Frank tackling him when he announced he got the job and it has been a long time since Ray has seen Frank smiled so genuinely.

                “I wish I could have…” There was a long pause as Mikey took his sip of coffee while Ray mimicked him. “Let’s have the three of us meet up,” he proposes.

                Ray couldn’t help but smile. “That’s a good idea. When?” He can’t wait to tell Mikey.

                “On October 17.”

                Gerard Way’s death anniversary.

***

                That was two weeks ago and now, Ray and Frank are waiting in his bar for the younger way to arrive.

                “I’m nervous,” Frank suddenly says, surprisingly no slur in his speech. “What if he doesn’t show up? What if-” Ray cuts him off before he could finish his question.

                “No. Mikey won’t pull the same trick twice on us. Plus, he’s changed. He looked like he was happy, healthy even.”

                “But that doesn’t mean he will be happy to see me.”

                Ray doesn’t understand. “What would make you think-” before he could finish that sentence, the door opens.

                “I like what you’ve done to the place, Ray,” Mikey came bursting in with genuine enthusiasm. Enthusiasm that feels new to Ray from Mikey.

                “Mikey,” Ray greets and knees Frank before he got off the bar stool to hug Mikey. “Good to see you again!”

                “Always, Toro,” he lets go of Ray and walk to Frank who was now turned to him with a nervous look. “Frank,” he greets softly with a smile as he opens his arms for a hug.

                Frank nervously chuckles and kind of regretting almost finishing that bottle as he hugs Mikey. Since he had a height disadvantage, his face was buried into Mikey’s chest but that didn’t bother Frank because as soon as he was in Mikey’s arms, he couldn’t help but hug back as tightly. He also couldn’t help but inhale Mikey’s scent, a reminder that he’s really here that this is Mikey.

                “I missed you,” Franks says, his voice muffled for he hasn’t removed his head from Mikey’s chest. He felt the vibration of Mikey’s chuckle.

                “I missed you, too,” Mikey replies but with a tone of underlying something that Frank could not distinguish. He brushes it off and lets go without kissing Mikey’s nose, an old habit to annoy the younger way. “Ew, gross! It smells like gin!”

                “Because it is gin!” Frank says as he sticks out his tongue.

                Ray laughed at the two once again noting to himself how much he misses this. If only they weren’t one person short.

                “So are you guys ready?” Mikey asks.

                This confuses Frank and Ray, looking at each other if either of them have any clue what Mikey meant. Finally, it was Frank who speaks up, “Aren’t we just going to hang out here in Ray’s bar?”

                Mikey looks at him as if he’s being ridiculous. “It’s my brother’s death anniversary and you want to hang out and waste away in a bar? No offense Ray,” he says, acting astonished.

                “None taken,” Ray mutters but still confused.

                Frank, on the other hand stays silent. Ray understands, he has seen Frank doing just that for the past five years but he wouldn’t want to share that to Mikey. Not when he seems unexpectedly okay.

                Mikey continues, “We’re going to the cemetery. Let’s go.”

***

                When they arrived at the cemetery via Mikey’s car, they’ve noticed two candles lit on top of Gerard’s tombstone. “I think mom mentioned of going here this morning,” Mikey muttered. Ray just nodded and gave the tombstone a good pat.

                Hey there Gerard, been a while. Your brother’s finally back, Ray says silently in his mind.

                Mikey noticed Frank being farthest away from the grave. He gave him a good pat of reassurance. Frank suddenly looks down at the bouquet of lilies he has on hand. He finds it odd, the custom of bringing flowers to the dead. They can’t see it, they can’t even touch it. It would only be left to rot. Such a waste of money, Frank thinks but walked up to the grave to place it by Gerard’s grave.

R.I.P.

Gerard Arthur R. Way

April 9, 1977 – October 17, 2005

“Loving son, brother, and friend”

                Frank suddenly remembers this one conversation he and Gerard had about death. Along that conversation, Gerard started discussing about what would be his epitaph.

                “If I died, I’ve got an idea for my epitaph,” Gerard says as he inhales from his cigarette, staring at the blank night sky. They were at the Way’s porch, having a smoke break from the family interaction inside. It was Mikey’s 23^rd birthday.

                Frank could not stop staring at his boyfriend, especially when the moonlight enhances the paleness of Gerard’s skin. “And what would that be?”

                Before giving his reply, Gerard glances at Frank and gave him his signature smirk, “He was one sassy motherfucker. And he fucking knows it.”

                “You motherfucker,” Frank exhales as he jokingly pushes his boyfriend off the porch but cannot help laughing along with Gerard’s honking but cute laugh.

                “You motherfucker,” Frank mutters as he just kept staring at the epitaph.

                Mikey caught the words and just looks at Frank cracking a small smirk but not enough to get caught by Ray which he is glad for.

                “Did you know he was supposed to propose to me?” Frank suddenly speaks up but his tone monotone. “Donna told me when I was helping out in cleaning up his room.”

                Ray and Mikey stiffen up and looked at each other, obvious that they both know of the late Way’s plan. Yet, none of the two spoke up thus, Frank takes this as a sign to continue on. “I dug up his things just to look for the ring. Can’t find it. Asked Donna about it, says she also had no clue where he might have hidden it.” This time he turns to Mikey. “Do you have any idea where he could have hidden it?”

                Ray risks a look at Mikey and noticed that Mikey stare, the one that may interpret as not giving a fuck when in truth he lets his expression unreadable, meaning his hiding something.

                “I wouldn’t know. But I knew of his plans. Practically told everybody but you. He was excited to ask you, too, by the way,” Mikey answered. “Why do you want to know where it is, though?”

                Frank gave out an annoyed sigh. “To have something of him with me all the time. To at least remind myself that he was real, that what we had was real.” The hoodies, his sketches, poetry, anything Gerard left behind weren’t enough for Frank. The ring was one thing that didn’t signify of only Gerard’s existence but also their true love.

                “Frank,” Mikey, this time sighs, “You, me, Ray, my mom, and almost everyone in Belleville knows how much you love each other. A ring is just-”

                “I just want him back!”

                Mikey stays still and silent but silently thanks Ray when he kneels down beside Frank as the sobbing began.

                “We all want him back,” Ray says as he tries to hush Frank.

                “Fuck the fucking truck driver! Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!”

                They let Frank kept wailing in the middle of the cemetery because they all knew he needed to. Ray knew Frank has been suffering quietly, the last time he remembered seeing Frank cry aloud was during the day Mikey disappeared, feeling like he lost both of the Way brothers. Mikey, on the other hand just knew that visiting the cemetery would open up bad memories but he felt like this had to be necessary.

                As Ray tried to calm down Frank, Mikey suddenly felt like they were being watched. He turned around to search his surroundings if there was anyone near them but found no one until he caught a glimpse of a silhouette of a lady by one of the dead trees not far from where they stood. It may be just a trick of a mind but the silhouette seemed to wave ‘hello’ at him. For some reason that Mikey cannot pull out of his mind, he waved back but as he blinked to try to focus more on the figure, she was gone.

                “Mikey, you okay?” Ray’s voice snapped him out from his curiosity.

                “Yeah,” he replies.

                Ray gently pulls Frank up, letting him lean on his shoulders. “You sure?”

                Mikey nods, “Yeah.”

                “Ready to go back to the bar?”

                “Sure.”

Chapter Text

Part II.

                Ray is not ignorant, quite the opposite actually, he’s quite observant. Too observant. He notices things too much. He sometimes thinks it’s a great gift, sometimes a curse. But lately, he can’t help but notice of Mikey… or rather, not Mikey. It’s this weird feeling he gets when he sees the younger Way (don’t know why they still refer him as the younger Way, since he’s now the only Way. Maybe it’s just a habit they cannot easily dispose). It has been two months since his return and it’s now difficult to ignore it. Whenever Mikey is with them, Ray notices these small details about him. It’s not just the clothes his wearing that somehow screams Gerard, it’s other things too like the way he smirks, the way his eyes sparks when something caught his interest, the way he talks more and the way he talks with his hands. Almost everything about Mikey now screams Gerard!

                At first, he thought maybe the way Mikey dresses up is to have something of his brother’s to remember by but now, Ray think that Mikey is somewhat molding into Gerard. When he and Frank were alone, he shared these thoughts to him.

                Frank rolls his eyes at him. “It’s just his way of coping, Toro. Give Mikey a break.”

                Ray rakes his curly hair, trying not to get frustrated. “You don’t understand, he’s acting like he’s Gerard!”

                “Well, when we address him, he still answers to Mikey. Just be glad he’s not talking to thin air thinking he’s brother is there.” There was an awkward pause from Frank but Ray understood because that’s what happened to Frank, talking to thin air, the first few months after Gerard’s funeral, that is until he decided to take therapy.

                “Frank,” he tries again. “He’s acting more Gerard than Mikey.”

                Here’s the thing about the Way brothers, they have this great sibling connection, relationship. Ray can’t name any other siblings he knows that have a better sibling relationship than Mikey and Gerard. But the thing is, as much as they share so much similarities, they are also contradicting. First off, there’s Gerard. Gerard is mostly known as a comic book hermit, always hiding in his bedroom-slash-mother’s basement either reading comics, writing, or drawing. It used to be so rare to find Gerard mingle with the outside world but when he does, he is surprisingly full of life, every word that comes out of his lips, you can’t help but be intrigued and actually listen. He knows how to grab attention from his weird but tasteful fashion sense, colored hairs, and so much more. He’s like this rare gem.

                Mikey on the other hand, is somewhat quite the opposite of almost everything his brother is. Despite his quiet demeanor, he’s actually the more sociable one, he has his own network of friends, acquaintances and so on. But unlike his brother who is full of life once they got to know him, Mikey is always silent, his expressions limited (mostly looking like he is either serious or bored or just doesn’t give a fuck). People are still intrigued by this Way because despite the lack of him showing emotions and whatnot, they want to find out more about him, like they want peel him off but slowly to appreciate his own beauty. And somehow, it works.

                Ray suddenly snaps out from his thoughts when Frank calls for his attention. “Think about why he’s that way, Ray. To Gerard, I was his lover, but when it comes to brother love, it’s different. He and Mikey shared so much together ever since they were young. There are secrets that he and Mikey only keep that I have no knowledge about, and so on. Think about it, you lost your dearly beloved brother, that fucking hurts like a lot. I mean we all suffered in different degrees but I bet Mikey suffered more than I did. That’s just- Maybe he’s like that, though he won’t admit it, he just fucking misses Gee. Much more than I do. And, I fucking accept that.”

                “Yeah, but-”

                “Let him, Ray… Just let him. If this is the way how he tries to be happy, so be it.”

                Ray sighs in defeat but not without saying, “What if it becomes too much? What if one day, he starts to believe he is his brother?”

                Frank places his hand on Ray’s shoulder, “We’re friends with him for a reason, right?”

                It’s not the best answer but Ray smiles and Frank smiles back.

***

                Before Ray came up to him, Frank was almost clueless about Mikey’s behavior. He was just glad that Mikey seems happy now, despite Frank wanting to know where Mikey had been and what had he been doing for the last five years but since he is a good friend, he doesn’t pry.

                For the most part, there has been this unspoken rule about not talking about the late Way when it comes between to Frank and Mikey. The thing is, Frank doesn’t mind talking about Gerard, he actually wants to talk about him to Mikey but remembering who knew Gerard longer, therefore Frank decided to stay quiet. Though, he often thinks back to the time they went to visit Gee’s grave, remembering that Mikey didn’t even shed a tear (and that was the first time Mikey got to visit his brother’s grave since he left). Well, maybe Mikey was only giving them this tough front just so no one can pity him further.

                Actually, he didn’t even seemed fazed at all, like he didn’t care that his brother is rotting six feet under, Frank thought as he walked up the Way house remembering their cemetery visit. He was about to press the doorbell when Mikey opened the door.

                Frank (and Ray) was still trying to get used to Mikey smiling all the time, like now for instance. “Frank you made it!” Mikey gave a greeting hug (which he didn’t used to do but now seem a casual thing for him to do) and gave way for Frank to enter.

                “Hey, MikeyWay, I brought wine,” Frank raises a bottle of merlot.

                “Mom would love that!”

                They walk towards the living room as Mikey take the bottle of wine from Frank. He gestures to Frank to sit for now on the sofa. The smaller man can’t help look around the house and felt nostalgia for everything seems to be in place last time he’s been here which was three years ago. “Where’s Donna?”

                Mikey was already in the kitchen when Frank asks the question though he heard it. “Oh, she’s just upstairs getting ready. Oh, by the way, Ray can’t make it tonight!”

                Frank gets up from the couch and went to the kitchen to see what he could help with. “Yeah, Ray called me about it. Bar duties, he said.”

                All of the sudden, the two men heard footsteps from the stairs. “Is that Frankie, I hear,” Donna says aloud.

                “Yep,” Franks says, can’t help but break into a smile.

                “Frankie!” She says somewhat almost ecstatically as she enters the kitchen and hugs the small man tightly. “I’ve missed you!” She shakes Frankie as he chuckles through the hug. Then Donna lets go of him and playfully hits him. “Damn it! I told you before that you should visit me more often!”

                “I’ve been busy,” he excused apologetically. How can he say he was in a bad place?

                Between the exchange, Mikey coughs. “Dinner guys?”

                After dinner, Donna insisted that she will clean up since it was Mikey who prepared their dinner. MikeyfuckingWay. Cooked dinner. The same MikeyfuckingWay who freaking left a fork in the toaster years before. The same Way who can’t even prepare microwave popcorn right! Anyway, while Donna cleared the dinner table, Mikey pulled Frank, at first he thought was to the living room but was surprised when Mikey kept pulling him down to the basement. Also known as, Gerard’s room.

                Gerard’s room wasn’t Gerard’s room anymore over the years, Frank was there when Donna decided to store away her son’s things up to the attic and made his old room into a guest room. So all the mess before Gerard passed away is all gone, the paint, the canvases, the comics, the action figures, they’re all gone either to charity or up in the attic. Also, the room smelled pleasant, not like the almost rank smell that Frank was used to when he used to go down there because Gerard was too lazy or forgetful to take a shower. The only evidence of Gerard here are his artworks, having them framed and walled up for guests to admire and remind of his talents.

                Still, Frank was still surprised and curious why Mikey brought him down here.

                He watched the younger Way walk straight to the bed and slumped down on it. Mikey looks at him expectantly, seeing if Frank would join him. Frank hesitates by the last steps before joining him. “So what are we doing here?”

                Mikey shrugs then places his hands behind his head. “I missed this place,” he simply says but adds on. “It’s obviously not the same anymore but it still makes me feel nostalgic.”

                Frank agrees. “I know what you mean,” he mutters as he looks at Gerard’s displayed old artwork one by one. And then he glances at Mikey seeing him doing the same thing. This is my chance to ask him about how he really feels. Inhaling silently enough for Mikey not to hear, Frank collects courage to ask but before he could Mikey shifted to his side, facing Frank, just looking at him, expecting something.

                “What?” Frank asks.

                Mikey stays silent and continues to study Frank. Slowly, he grabs for his hand and pulls it in between them and just keeps holding it.

                Frank’s face started to heat up but said nothing about it. Eventually, Mikey tightens his grip, as if checking if it’s real.

                “What’s wrong?” Frank whispers.

                Mikey studies their entwined hands before looking back at Frank. “Sometimes, I have a difficulty that this is reality. I mean, my reality.” Mikey lets go of Frank’s hand and Frank tried not to be disappointed by it. “I mean, I’ve had five years to settle it but… sometimes, it still feels all too surreal.”

                “I know what you mean,” Frank says, playing with the plain white bed sheets. “I won’t lie to you. I was fucking miserable when he died, I got even more miserable when you suddenly left.”

                “I’m sorry.”

                You should be, Frank wanted to say. “I needed you, you know.” As he says that, his vision began to blur with tears.

                “I’m sorry,” Mikey whispers as he pulls the smaller man into a hug and let him press to his chest eventually hearing quiet sobs. “I needed you, too… I just didn’t know it at that time.”

                “Asshole,” Frank says between sobs. “Don’t ever do that again.”

                “I won’t.”

Chapter Text

Part III

                Gerard never liked crowds, that’s why he’d rather lock himself up in his bedroom-slash-mother’s basement. But, despite his dislike, he doesn’t ever show it, he’s actually polite about it. Plus, even those he is at a legal drinking age, his mother doesn’t like seeing him with a bottle of jack at hand, so he doesn’t mind going to bars or clubs just to get a drink or two or more. Lately, he’s aware it’s becoming a bad habit.

                He’s at some random club for guys like him who are interested in the music scene. Some band called Pansy? Or something is setting up on stage before their performance. Gerard’s by the bar, as always, ordering his third, or was it fourth? Probably fourth bottle of beer. He’s not yet drunk but with the crowd getting louder, he’d rather be.

                 He can’t even remember why he even went out tonight (apart from getting to drink), well, he does actually. He and Mikey had a fight but he really couldn’t remember about what. I think it started out about dinner then escalated to something else. He knows by the time he returns home, he has to apologize to his younger brother even though he wasn’t sure if he does need to apologize. He’ll still do it anyway, he doesn’t like it when Mikey is angry at him.

                Eventually, after downing a number of drinks and watching the band perform, somewhat intrigued watching the band’s tiny guitarist pour out his energy, going all over the stage, he decided he had to leave.

                As he got out of the club, suddenly relieved from the loudness and let himself enjoy the cool night breeze, he started to walk towards his car. Gerard knows he shouldn’t drive with his state but he’s done it before and done no damage, so why not? As he arrived, he noticed a woman with dark hair falling until her waist and smoking a cigarette, making his throat itch as he realized he also needs one.

                “Uhm, that’s my car you’re sitting on,” he says to the woman.

                He watched her exhale the smoke, once again his throat itching and his hands fidgeting. The woman then answers, “I know,” without even looking at him.

                “Who are you?” Gerard doesn’t know how to pin this woman as badass or just plain rude.

                “Evelyn. Or Eve. Either of the two really. Doesn’t matter.” Right then, she looks at him. Gerard can’t help notice how bright her eyes were, what should be grey seemed silver against the moonlight.

                Gerard decides to look at the ground and clear his throat before looking back up. “Well, Evelyn, that’s my car.”  He really wants to go home now for his sensing this sort of discomfort not because of him talking to the stranger but the stranger herself somehow emitting this discomfort. Discomfort is even the right word to describe it but it’s the only word Gerard’s state of mind can come up with at that moment.

                Her mouth quirks into a smile as if sensing his feeling. “And you’re too drunk to drive.”

                He starts to get irritated but tries to hold it back. “And you have the right to say that how?”

                “You might die from it. So, I’m technically saving your ass.”

                Somehow, his irritation started to show. “Fuck off. You’re just some weird stranger sitting on random people car hood. You have no fucking right to act as if you know me and tell me what I should and should not do.”

                “But I do know you Gerard Way.”

                Gerard’s stomach began to sink and felt frozen in place. Just who is this woman? Suddenly, Evelyn slides off the wood and walks up to him. “I know so much about you, Gerard. I know that you are an alcoholic but sometimes dabble with pills or drugs, too. I know you have a younger brother named Mikey. You studied in SVA thinking that you’d get art as a good career but eventually realized how bullshit that was, hence the alcohol and drugs. Also, that you’re gay and your mom doesn’t know about it because you’re-”

                “Shut up!” He says through grit teeth, can’t seem to control his tears anymore. “Stay away from me.”

                Evelyn looks at him sadly then cups his face and Gerard can’t seem to push her away. Like she has this sort of spell over him. “I also know things that you haven’t known yet.”

                “Leave me alone.”

                “No.”

                “Why?”

                She gives him a sad smile. “Because you’ll come looking for me again.”

                Gerard doesn’t understand anything at all. He doesn’t understand what this woman wants, why it had to be him. At that moment, with her hand still cupping his face, stroking it slowly, she didn’t look like she had any malicious intent in mind but she just kept stroking him in comfort. A comfort which he has no clue for. As she kept doing that, Gerard noticed how beautiful she is, she got his sexuality right, but he knows how to admire beauty when it is placed in front of him. She is quite pale, kind of paler than him, but has this blush on her cheeks maybe from the cold. She also has no make-up on but an eyeliner beautifully applied at the lids of her eyes. Her lips, plump and rosy pink. She’s really beautiful. And right then, Evelyn seemed to know what was on Gerard’s mind because she stops stroking his cheeks and looks at him directly to his eyes. That made Gerard give in.

                He leans in for a kiss and it’s almost exactly what he expected: soft, sweet, and with hints of cigarette. The two kiss deeper and Gerard moans in pleasure. To taste more from her, he gently pushes her against the car and tries to take more.

                Eventually, Evelyn pulls away, “Gerard,” she pants. This doesn’t seem to snap out Gerard for he decided to leave a trail of kisses on her neck. “You need to listen to me.”

                “Mhmm,” was what he could emit as he licks her collarbone. He seriously doesn’t know what has overcome him to do this but he simply didn’t care at the moment.

                Evelyn decides to push him off her and make him look right at her. “Gerard, please listen.”

                “What?” Finally paying attention but he’d much rather continue what they were doing before she interrupted.

                “This not why I came to you.”

                “Then what is it?”

                There was a pause before she sighed and said something that made Gerard decided to leave her in the middle of the parking lot and speed off home.

                “Mikey will die.”

***

                Frank feels fucked. Not literally (though, he’ll admit he misses it), but nonetheless fucked. Ray just rolls his eyes at his small friend as he wipes the glasses clean by the bar. Every time he sees Frank rake his hair, now all of his hair sticking out in different directions, then stare completely off to space, he wants to slap his face, just to see a reaction out of him but since he considers himself a good friend, he doesn’t.

                “Dude, I think you should go home,” he says as he finished cleaning the last glass.

                “And I think you should give me a drink,” Frank says but make no eye contact.

                Ray squints his eyes at him and simply says, “No.” Then he notices the dark circles under Frank’s eyes. “You look like you haven’t slept well lately. What’s going on?”

                This time Frank does make eye contact with Ray, opens his mouth to say something but closes it immediately. Obviously, he’s not sure of what he wants to say.

                Ray sighs aloud since he thinks he has a clue of what it is about. “Is this about Mikey?”

                “Fuck. How do you know? Did he say something to you?” Bingo.

                “I always make good hunches, you know that.”

                Frank ignores Ray’s statement and repeats his question with more force, “Did he say something to you?”

                Ray shakes his head no and says, “You know Mikey, he keeps things to himself. Even if he’s not the same Mikey we were all used to before, he seemed more closed off than before, just got good at hiding it.” He sees Frank’s face relax a bit but Ray’s curious now. “Did something happened last week at dinner over the Way’s? I’ve noticed you’ve been off since then.”

                Ray noticed his friend stiffen. “Something did happen,” Frank mutters, a bit unsure. “We kind of talked. Mostly about our feelings towards losing Gee...” he trails off after that.

                “But that’s not all that happened,” Ray insisted. Frank nodded stiffly, going back with the no eye contact thing.

                “We were in Gee’s bedroom, lying down on his bed, talking about shit that happened, crying about it, then next thing I know, we were making out.” Frank could not hold down the lump on his throat when he said the last part. Tentatively, he looks at Ray for his reaction. He didn’t seem to give any emotion that indicates shock or disappointment but he catches the brief sadness from Ray’s eyes. He sighs and rakes his hair. “I can’t even remember who started it. Maybe it was me.”

                Ray would like to say that it’s most likely Mikey who instigated, he also wants to say that this Mikey is different, too confident in his own skin therefore he wouldn’t be surprised to take advantage of Frank at his weakest. But maybe that’s not how it really went. Mikey has been behaving oddly, other than his new confident behavior, he’s been odd around Frank. The younger Way thinks he could get away with it, but Ray, at most times, catches him. Since the cemetery visit, he’d seen the way Mikey looks at Frank. Before, he’d only acknowledge Frank as a friend or like a brother but now he looks at Frank with eyes of want, and sometimes even lust. It’s the same eyes that Gerard used to give Frank. And Frank, in all of these, is oblivious to it.

                It’s dangerous for the two of them because it’s obvious these two are still under repair and if something happens (which already has), Ray is afraid they’ll just anchor each other down, not in a good way. He loves his friends but even if five years have passed, the wounds are still far from healed.

                He’s never the guy who intervenes at such matters but, just this once, he thinks he has to.

***

                Every Sunday, since it’s Ray’s rest day, the three friends gather around Ray’s apartment and have a jam session with their respective instruments: Frank and Ray with their guitars, and Mikey with his bass. In moments like these, Ray is glad to know they can still continue this tradition even without Gerard. Also, it’s times like this Ray breathes easily since he could see Mikey as his old self whenever he plays his bass, no facial features but obvious concentration. It’s a reassurance that the old Mikey is still in there. But, he still notices the tension between Frank and Mikey.

                Frank eventually stands up and stretches after two hours of jamming and insists he buys take out across the street. The other two nod and says their orders at him then he leaves. This was Ray’s chance to talk to Mikey but he was beat up to it.

                “I know Frank told you,” Mikey says in his Mikey monotone. He looks straight at Ray, almost piercing before he looks down to study his shoes. “So let me hear it.”

                Ray was a bit surprised and recovers himself with a cough then sets his guitar by his guitar stand. “He’s still not over Gee, you know.”

                “I do know.”

                “You kissed him.”

                “I did.”

                Then the question, “What’s your intention with Frank?”

                There was silence and when he looks at Mikey, he saw how conflicted he was. “I wish it was easy to explain.”

                This time, Ray let out his frustration. “What? Like it’s hard to say, ‘oh, I think I have feelings for Frank.’ Tell me I’m wrong.”

                Mikey just stares at him, bewildered, not by the statement but rather at Ray’s reaction. “Okay. I do have feelings for him.”

                Ray nods firmly. “There’s something else, isn’t there.”

                Mikey nods and says, “That’s the difficult part…I guess the closest I can give to you is that knowing my brother’s feelings towards Frank, and him being, uhm, gone, I guess, it’s like I stepped up to take the responsibility.”

                “Okay,” Ray says and swallow the words Mikey said. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

                Mikey chuckles darkly, “You’re right it is.” A pause. “But it feels that way. I know I have feelings for him but I am not entirely sure of it, too.”

                “So it’s like infatuation.”

                “No,” Mikey says seriously. “More like Gee’s taking over my mind.”

And at that moment, Ray sees fear in Mikey eyes. “Mikey,” he starts but unsure of what to say. “I’ve noticed… I’ve noticed how different you are, how you sometimes act like him… Is this what you mean?”

“Yes,” was Mikey’s only answer.

Ray swallows down the lump on his throat, somewhat beginning to be scared of being right with his observation. “If you need help-”

“Don’t make it sound like it’s a bad thing, okay,” Mikey snaps, making Ray jump. “I chose this,” he says it quietly but loud enough for Ray to hear.

“But if Gerard is the reason why-”

“I chose this,” he repeats. “I wanted this,” this time he sounds almost as if he’ll explode into tears.

Ray wants to understand. He tries but, right now, it’s overwhelming. So, in order to conclude this conversation, he says, “Just, stay away from Frank. Don’t let him deal with this. He already has Gerard to deal with, what more if it’s another Way. Don’t manipulate his feelings”

He didn’t expect Mikey to look at him with pleading eyes and the following words, “Then help me Ray.”

***

                When Frank met Mikey the first time, he found himself attracted to him. He’d follow him like a puppy and it seemed that Mikey didn’t mind. But at that time, Frank couldn’t make any advance at him because Mikey had a girlfriend at that time, thus concluding that MikeyfuckingWay was straight. Then he meets his older brother Gerard. He falls for him the same way he fell for Mikey and at that time he thinks that the Ways had this sort of power that makes people attracted to them, because, who’s gonna lie that they are not beautiful people.

                He met them both but of course separately at the same bar, Ray’s bar. The first time was when a mutual friend introduced Mikey to Frank, the second time, it was Mikey who introduced Gerard. It was obvious at that time, Mikey knowing of Frank’s sexuality, that it was a set up for both Frank and Gerard. Initially, they were kind of stubborn about it but soon, they find themselves enjoying each other’s company.

                He’d say Gerard would be the best Way brother between the two but he’d be biased because he’s dating him. But there are things to really love about Gerard like the way he talks with the corner of his smile, his laugh, his addiction for cigarettes and hair dye, his passion for comics and art, and so much more. He got to know so much about Gerard in a span of a week which is a better progress than he had with Mikey for, despite him being the more social of the two, took two months at most.

                In three years, Frank and Gerard are inseparable, finally convincing Gerard to move in with him from his mother’s basement. They had so much plans together for the future, and Frank thought that this it is, this is the happiness he had been looking for.

                But there are times when he finds Gerard awake in the middle of the night, which isn’t unusual with him always staying up late to finish a paint or a comic draft, but there are nights he finds his boyfriend sitting on the sofa looking up the ceiling. Sometimes, Frank fears that Gee relapsed from his vices, vices he is glad he didn’t get in the middle of it. But it was obvious that Gee is sober, that he’s only thinking.

                One night, when he finds him again on the sofa, he asks, “What’s got you up so late?”

                He wasn’t expecting a straightforward answer. “Mikey.”

                Frank tries to think back of the younger Way and why Gee had to worry about him. He often sees Mikey, and he seems to act the same. He may be quiet and kept to himself but there’s nothing fishy about him that could be worrying his older brother. “What about Mikey?”

                All this times, Gerard hasn’t made any eye contact yet. “Just… an old conversation…”

                “Did you guys have a fight or something?” But he’d know when those two fight. Mikey will not answer any of their calls and Gee will lock himself up in his office space, painting. So, he knows they didn’t fight.

                “We used to… A lot, when I was still under the influence of my addiction,” Gerard confesses. Frank decides to sit down beside him on the sofa and grabs his hand stroking it gently. Gerard squeezes it gently. “He was always worried about me but it got to the point where he didn’t seem to care what would happen to me. That was our biggest fight about. Didn’t remember it at that time but it came back to me eventually.” Then he chuckles darkly. “Fuck, and you know how I tried to fucking resolve it?” Frank knows he doesn’t need to answer. “With fucking alcohol. Then there’s that conversation.”

                “What did you and Mikey talk about?”

                He looks at Frank and says, “It’s not with Mikey. It’s with someone else… She fucking scared me. She… fucking knew my weakness.”

                “And that being Mikey,” Frank fills in knowingly. Gerard nods. Frank knew that if something will get in their way between him and Gerard, it would be Mikey because Gerard will always put Mikey first. Frank may be an only child, but he somewhat understands. Family will always come first.

                After that, Gerard says he was tired and Frank pulled him up and gently drag him to their bedroom but glad they had that conversation. At least, he knows what keeps Gerard up at night, now.

                He’s not jealous of Mikey, he’s actually relieved to know how much Gerard loves him. He has this great respect now for the Way brothers and always thankful that he gets to be involved with them.

                Two years later, he gets a call from Ray and Donna.

                Gerard and Mikey got into a car accident.

                Mikey’s barely breathing.

                Gerard died instantly from the collision.

                A week later, Mikey’s conscious enough to witness his older brother getting buried six feet under. Frank and Ray stay on each side of Mikey. Frank tries not to cry but fails miserably. Ray had his own share of his tears. Mikey just stays quiet, staring intently at the sinking black coffin.

                Two weeks later, Mikey disappears.

                Frank caught a habit of visiting Gerard’s grave weekly for three months. Every visit, he notices a girl with long raven hair right in front of his dead boyfriend’s grave and whenever he walks up to her, she leaves the opposite direction, never getting a chance to see her face.

                In three months, Donna has news that Mikey was in California doing god-knows-what.

                And, as for Gerard, he just keeps rotting down there.

Chapter Text

Part IV

                Mikey hardly sleeps at eighteen. It’s mostly because he cannot stop worrying about his brother. So, even though it’s very late at night, Mikey lies down awake, can’t shut his eyes until he hears the quiet slam of the front door, and floor creaks downstairs just to know his brother is back from a night of binge drinking and whatever.

                But tonight, he’s more worried than usual because just this evening they had a fight, a huge fight that Mikey regrets starting but he couldn’t hold it back that time because he knew how much Gerard’s addiction was killing him. So, tonight he waits, and when he hears that door, he’ll go down and apologize even though he’ll expect a very drunk Gerard.

                Around 2PM, Mikey didn’t expect to fall asleep, just that he jumped awake when he felt his mattress bounce and found Gerard with bloodshot eyes. He felt stiff when his older brother’s eyes stare thoroughly at him.

                “Gee?” he tests.

                Mikey watched his brothers hands snake up to his waist and pull him close, inches to Gerard’s face. He tries not to scrunch his nose at the scent of alcohol on his breath. “Mikey,” he breathes.

                “What’s wrong?”

                Gerard briefly closes his eyes and furrows his eyebrows, then opens them again. “Are you scared of death?”

                Mikey’s eyes widen and felt himself go pale. This is not one of those times, he thinks hopefully. He doesn’t like it at all when his brother has suicidal thoughts, who would anyway? “Gee, look-”

                Gerard interrupts, “It’s not what you think.” And for the first time, Mikey notices how sober Gerard is. He knows just by the smell of his breath he drank a lot but the way he is now seems to have no effect on him for he seems sober enough to speak coherently and look at Mikey without that hazy look. “Just answer my question.”

                “It’s scary,” Mikey answers simply.

                “Are you ready for it?”

                “What- No!”

                Then Gerard smiles and pulls his little brother into a hug. He whispers to his ear, “Someone told me you will die. I don’t want to believe and as much, I will not allow it. No one and nothing is going to take you away.”

                Mikey is pressed to his brother’s neck and can almost smell the sweat off him. “You’re scaring me, Gee.”

                “You’re not going to die. Promise me that.”

                He tries to pull himself off but Gerard wouldn’t budge. “I will have to die eventually.”

                “But not soon.”

                “But not soon,” Mikey finds himself repeating his brother’s words, so confused with what’s happening.

                “Because I will die first.”

                Mikey’s eyes widen as he feels his brother kiss his hair.

                “And I want to see that bitch try,” Gerard mutters with venom but it seems mostly to himself.

                That night, Mikey had never been this scared of his brother.

***

                Frank stands still in front of Gerard’s grave. He has his usual bouquet of lilies in hand but hasn’t bother to put it down yet because he notices the candle, like before, lit. He thinks that maybe Mikey did it or maybe Donna, and, honestly, he doesn’t care. Eventually, he puts it down but decides to keep standing.

                He takes out his pack of cigarettes and pull out a stick. He placed it in between his lips before lighting it up. As soon as he gets to inhale, he holds it long enough then exhales it out.

                “Hey, Gee,” he greets. “Been a while again. Last time was on your recent death anniversary. Oh! And Happy New Year. Fucking 2011.”

                He inhales on the cigarette again before he continues, “A lot happened for the last two months. Mikey’s back, he’s doing okay, I guess.” He pauses for he was considering what he was going to say next. “Actually, I came here to talk about your brother.”

                A cool breeze went by his direction therefore freezing his ears. He pulls the collars of his coat to protect them, and notices also his hands are freezing, regretting not to wear his gloves. But he considers the breeze as Gerard’s reply for him to continue.

                “You’re brother’s changed. Ray says he’s acting more like you. I kind of agree with him but I also understand on Mikey’s behalf. We’ll that’s not what I want to talk about exactly.” He eventually decides to throw the unfinished cigarette on the grass and steps on it, considering it a distraction, plus he wants to hide his hands for warmth under the pits of his coat. “Remember the time when I admitted I had a crush on your brother before I met you? Well, it wasn’t a crush, then. Sorry for lying to you about that part. I had actual feelings for him but I gave it up when I met you. Don’t consider yourself as second best, please. You’re actually the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. You will always hold a special place in my heart that surpasses my feelings for Mikey.

                “But, just two weeks ago, he and I made out… In your bedroom. Looking back, I think he was the one who initiated it. Not putting a blame on him or anything, I’m equally guilty of it because I reciprocated. Fuck, Gee, fuck. You know I will love you forever but fuck! I think I’m falling for him again. And I’m confessing this to you because I don’t want to seem I’m going behind your back… And with your brother, for that fact! And, I’m so scared, Gee. I’m so fucking scared.

                “They say five years is enough to move on. I think I’m stuck in limbo where I still wish it’s 2005 and it didn’t happen. I want- I need you back but that’s being selfish. And wanting your brother? I think that’s also selfish of me.”

                He knows he’s crying but he lets the air dry it up for him. “What the fuck do I do?” It’s an unnecessary question because he will not be answered because the person he’s talking to is dead and just rotting flesh in a coffin. And then…

                “Frank.”

                Frank jumps at the call of his name and turns around, his face heating up as he sees Mikey behind him. “W-what the fuck are you doing here?” How long has he been standing there? How much had he heard?

                Mikey seems to not give away anything with his relaxed features. He shrugs instead, “I was told you’d be here.” By Ray, no doubt.

                “How much have you heard?” he asks as he wipes away his dried tears.

                Mikey gives him a sad smile. “Enough.”

                “Oh.” Frank decides he doesn’t want to be here anymore and doesn’t want to be further embarrassed with the situation so starts to walk away from the grave. He tries to get away from Mikey as fast as possible but Mikey was faster. He grabs Frank’s elbow and pulls him into a hug. Frank presses to Mikey’s chest, accidentally inhales his scent.

                “I’m sorry,” Mikey murmurs through Frank’s hair. “I didn’t mean to make you feel this way. But, I don’t know if it would help any better, I also feel the same way.” The younger Way felt Frank stiffen and maybe even heard a gasp but he continues, “I know you love Gerard. I believe you’ll keep loving him forever. You’re right, I can’t compete with that. I’m not even forcing you to do anything about it. About me. But for the past five years… I won’t regret ever leaving, but I do regret leaving you behind… Three years ago was all it took me to realize that I missed you so much and missed you more than just friends. So Frank-”

                Frank pulls of Mikey and pushes him away. Tears were streaming down his face but he felt anger. “Fuck you!” His voice was loud but broken from choking tears. “Just…fuck you, Mikey.” Frank tries to wipe away his tears but new one kept spilling out. “You could have gone home then if you realized you missed me, you needed me three years, but you didn’t! I needed you to, asshole!”

                Mikey tries to come near Frank but Frank just keeps on stepping back, keeping distance. “Frank, I wish I could have come b-”

                Frank cut Mikey off once more, not giving crap for him to finish his sentence. “While you were busy trying to recover from Gee’s death or whatever, I was right here in fucking here in this shitty town, getting shit-faced with fucking booze because that seemed like the only thing that could numb me from my pain and depression- and fuck, Gerard would be so fucking disappointed in me for taking that path but he wasn’t here. You weren’t here when it all happened. I fucking wished you were so you could have stopped me earlier! But, no! Almost everyone didn’t even bother with me anymore, even my own mother gave up on me, well, except for Ray. Ray was always there for me during my dark times. I fucking spilled everything to me- about Gee, about you, about the drinking, my depression, the hallucinations about your brother- he didn’t leave me… unlike some people…”

                Frank sighed aloud in frustration as he finished then looked at Mikey who had his eyes wide. He chuckled dryly at the sight. This seemed to snap Mikey out, however. “Frank,” the tone given wasn’t pity, not even sure if it’s sorry but close to it.

                “So, if you’re thinking you have a chance with me… It’s still to fucking early. I’ll admit I’m still angry at you, but I do like you… Just, something more between us can’t happen yet. Not now, anyway. Sorry.”

                Mikey nods, understanding. “Don’t be sorry. I’m the one who’s sorry, it’s like I piled these all to you. Didn’t mean to…”

                Frank walks up to Mikey and hugs him. “You did promise me you won’t ever do it again. That’s enough for me,” he says, dropping his sadness, his anger. “You’re here now, that’s all it matters. Let’s just take things slow.”

                “Yeah. Okay.”

                The two keep hugging each other and Frank buries his face on Mikey’s chest inhaling some scent that distinctly, almost, reminds him of Gee.

                “I’ll wait for you Frankie.”

                Frank stiffens at the voice because, he thought he just heard Gerard. He looks up to Mikey and he raises an eyebrow at Frank. “What’s wrong?” that’s definitely Mikey’s voice. Frank pulls away just a little from Mikey and looks around. It’s just him and Mikey.

                He glances at Gerard’s grave, then to Mikey who had a worried expression.

                He shakes his head. “Nothing,” he says and grabs for Mikey’s hand. “Let’s go to Ray’s.”

***

                Ray watches his two friends laughing when they entered his bar. He smiles, glad that they resolved whatever issue the two had. Though, he briefly catches the two holding hands but as the two approach Ray, they let go.

                “Hey Ray!” Frank greets as he sits on the stool. “Two beers, please!”

                Ray rolls his eyes but serves them their beers. As he hands Mikey’s, he shares Mikey a look, Be careful, his eyes imply. Mikey nods, understanding.

                As soon as the two got their beers, Frank gets off his stool and pulls Mikey by his sleeve. “We’ll be sitting by the booths because the seats are comfortable. Please stop by, Ray!” Then drags Mikey by the corner booth.

                It’s been two hours since they’ve arrive and Ray hasn’t taken his break yet, since he’s waiting for one of his bartenders to take his place but he hasn’t come in yet. Time to time, he glanced by the corner booth and check to see if his friends are in friendly distance with each other, which, thankfully, they are. So far, so good.

                “They look like a good couple,” a female voice suddenly speaks up, almost making Ray jump. He looks to his left and looks at the girl with long raven hair, drinking rum cola that Ray served to her earlier. She seems to be looking at where Ray was looking at before, his friends.

                “Uhm, they’re not dating.” Ray didn’t know why he had to justify his friends’ relationship status to this girl.

                The girl shrugs her shoulders and sip on her rum cola. “Still make a good couple.”

                “Please don’t bother my friends.”

                The girl smiles innocently at him. “I’m sorry. I just know when I see people liking each other.”

                Ray almost gives a glare to the girl. “Please stop.”

                The girl sighs. “Fine,” she says then she fishes something out of her coat pocket. “Give this to Mikey for me. He’ll know once he reads it.” She finishes the last liquids of rum coke and she slides the cash for the drink and a small blue envelope about the size of a palm to Ray. Then she just gets up and leaves, leaving Ray to just stare off.

                Ray wasn’t sure if he should give Mikey the envelope but the girl knew Mikey so maybe Mikey knew her. But he’s never seen this girl before in his bar, or in town, and that’s what makes it all more suspicious. At the end, something compelled him to leave the bar counter and go to the corner booth and give the envelope to Mikey.

                He didn’t say who it came from, so Mikey looks at him suspiciously but continues to open the envelope. Frank tries to look at it from his side, too. “Is it from a secret admirer, Mikey?” he asks jokingly. He’s the only one laughing at first but fades off as soon as he noticed no one else is laughing and Mikey’s face turned ghostly pale as he read the letter.

                “Was it a girl?” Mikey asks but he’s voice almost hollow. Ray noticed Frank’s worried expression.

                “Yes,” Ray replies.

                “Long, raven hair?”

                “Yes.”

                “Fuck.”

Chapter Text

Part V.

                The first time Mikey meets Evelyn, he was in Chicago visiting a friend, his name was Bob and Bob was nice enough for letting Mikey stay when he immediately heard news about what happened to Gerard. But also thanks to Bob’s roommate’s habit of throwing parties, Mikey got to meet Evelyn.

                He was actually three months in Chicago and it was the roommate’s birthday so, to celebrate it, he threw a party. And as usual in these parties, Mikey would find drowning himself with alcohol but still sane enough not to take any drugs offered to him. Also, he’s thankful for Bob watching his Bob even though in his drunk state he finds it annoying.

                Anyway, in that party, he spotted Evelyn in a corner with a red cup in hand, alone and looking right back at him. Since contact has been made, he walks up to her.

                “Hey,” he greets.

                This beautiful girl with beautiful raven hair somehow reminds of Mikey how Gerard used to dye his hair of that color. She smiles to him. “Hey.”

                “I’m Mikey,” he introduces as he pulls out his hand for a shake.

                She takes it and introduces herself, “Evelyn.”

                Mikey gives him a flirtatious smile. “You one of Steve’s friends?” Steve was the name of Bob’s roommate.

                “More like acquaintance,” Evelyn says with her own flirty smile. “But does it matter.”

                “Guess not.”

                For the rest of the night, the two flirted endlessly until one of them asks if they want to go somewhere else for them to do more than just flirting. Eventually, they decided to take it to the bathroom. One long make out session, and one blowjob later, Mikey wants to do more with Evelyn but she says it’s getting late and she has things to do in the morning.

                “When can I see you again?” Mikey asks, breathless, still trying to recover from the orgasm.

                Evelyn smiles at him as she zip him up, then gives him one long kiss and Mikey didn’t even mind he could even taste himself from her tongue. “Eventually,” she whispers, as she pull off slightly. “When you need me.”

                Mikey chuckles. “How about now? I need you now.”

                Evelyn shakes her head with a small laugh. Then with one last peck on the lips, she pulls Mikey off the door which he was leaning into earlier. She opens the door but before she gets out, she says one last thing, “Until you figure out what you actually need from me, then you’ll find me. Bye Mikey.” Then she was gone.

                For two months, Mikey almost forgotten about Evelyn. Time to time, he would look for her in Steve’s parties but she never came back. He even asked Steve about Evelyn but the man had no clue of who Evelyn is. So, Mikey’s at a dead end and gave up looking for her.

                He eventually meets Pete which he didn’t totally expect. At first it was just all friendly things, sharing so many interests, comics, movies, and even bass. And then one night at Pete’s apartment, in the middle of watching a horror movie, Pete kissed him. Mikey was somewhat surprised at this but more surprise that he’s reciprocating it and he likes it.

                The only gay people that Mikey got to know well were Gerard and Frank, and Frank considers himself Bi. Most of Mikey’s life, he only made out with girls and had relationships with girls which he all enjoyed, never had he thought of himself with a guy, which was his brother’s thing. But as he and Pete kept making out, eventually feeling each other up, Mikey did realize he, did look at Pete at times the way he looks at girls.

                That night, it only ended up until hand jobs but whatever they started continued two months more. They somehow became boyfriends, unofficially. And even during that time, Mikey felt himself getting happy. He was happy with Pete and didn’t mind it. He even moved in with him. He almost forgotten what he had left behind in New Jersey. But of course, this was no fairy tale and the two months were up. Pete admitted that he didn’t think that they’d get this far and was surprisingly scared of commitment, the idea that he might screw things up, which he did. Pete did screw things up by always avoiding Mikey when he was at home. Small touches from Mikey, Pete brushes it off. Those long passionate kisses was replaced by half-hearted pecks on the lips as Pete left for work, leaving Mikey to ponder what he did wrong. Eventually, Pete admitted to Mikey one night that he’s in love with someone else and thinks what he and Mikey have isn’t there anymore. Mikey agrees and packs up that night and leaves by morning without waking the one man, he leaves a good bye note by Pete’s desk.

                Then the nightmares return. The memories turned nightmares return to haunt Mikey every night. They were mostly about the night of the car accident. He remembers Gee by the driver’s seat, singing to some Misfits song that Mikey had put on earlier. Mikey tapping his foot to the rhythm of the song. They had reach an intersection with a broken traffic light so Gerard had to look both way before moving forward. The next thing, Mikey heard a deafening crash. Then Mikey wakes up sweating with Bob shaking him awake.

                He was back to square one.

                The following nights, he couldn’t sleep and finds himself crying alone on Bob’s sofa. He kept wishing someone would hug him in comfort and kiss his forehead for reassurance, just like the way Gee used to do when Mikey had nightmares. He needed his brother so badly more than ever but he’s dead. He’s brother is fucking dead but he fucking needs him now.

                One day, when Mikey was looking for his jacket to survive in the Chicago weather but couldn’t find it at first until he found it in Bob’s closet. Trying to not question why it’s there, he takes it and leaves.

                Once he’s out of the apartment building, he stuffs his hands in his jacket pockets when he felt in his left hand pocket something crumpled. He pulls it out and straightens the paper to look at the content. And he is surprise at what he reads.

                It was a phone number. And not just any number, but Evelyn’s.

                How long has it been? Four months?

                He wonders how he just noticed this now and recalls if he wore this that night they met but he was slightly drunk that night and it was four months ago so it wouldn’t matter that much now. But it’s Evelyn’s number. He vaguely remembers what she told him that they’ll see each other soon again. Maybe the time is now?

                He pulls out his phone and punches in the number from the paper.

                It rings. On the third ring, her familiar voice asks who’s calling.

                “It’s Mikey,” he says, almost breathless, still not believing that it’s Evelyn.

                He was sure that Evelyn was smiling when she says, “So, I guess, you figured out what you need?”

***

                Evelyn sits by the window of a local café, waiting for Mikey with a bored expression. When he does arrive, Evelyn gives him a smile while he gives a scowl but sits down with her.

                “You want to order something first?” Evelyn asks but Mikey doesn’t falter from his serious expression.

                “You’ve got ten minutes,” he simply says.

                Evelyn rolls her eyes at him. “Whatever. ‘Nice to meet you, Evelyn. Been a while. Missed you’ could have suffice. Thought you abandoned that serious demeanor?”

                “Evelyn,” Mikey says with a warning tone. “Ten. Minutes.”

                She tries not to roll her eyes again, so she just leans on the table. “You won’t even need ten minutes for this. So, here it goes…”

                Frank was just in the block, just got out of the bookstore and decided to go to the café right across to grab some coffee. As he was about to cross, he noticed a man with familiar red jacket and blond hair with a girl with long raven hair. Frank halts and watch the two who were sitting by the café window going into deep conversation. It’s actually been a while for him to see Mikey with such serious face. And as if the girl senses him, she glances right at him as she was whispering something to Mikey’s ears. To Frank, the way she did it, the way Mikey leans into it, it seemed all so intimate and Frank has this sinking feeling about it.

                And as if sensing his discomfort, the girl pulls away from Mikey, and Mikey just stays still. The girl finishes her coffee drink and stands up, bidding good bye to Mikey. Mikey finally snaps out from whatever the girl said to him and also stands up. The following actions made Frank want to vomit from discomfort. The girl comes to close to Mikey saying more things to him and Mikey stiffly nods. The girl caresses his cheek then leans in to kiss his cheek but for a moment, the two share a look and Mikey pulls her back for a proper kiss.

                It was too much for Frank to watch, too intimate. It was obvious in Frank’s eyes that Mikey and this girl were something more than friends and it feels like Frank had been lied to. He couldn’t watch further and abandoned the idea of buying coffee, instead he just kept walking from his side of the street and walk all the way home, letting him be haunted of images of Mikey and the raven-haired girl.

***

                Ray knocks nonstop on Mikey’s door until it was opened by the owner itself. “What?” Mikey asks, who Ray noticed that he only got out of the shower with wet hair, and half-naked with only a towel covering his nether regions. “Ray? What are you doing knocking on my door at 9 PM?”

                “What the fuck did you do to Frank?” This seemed to make Mikey’s eyes widen. He pulls Ray in to his apartment and closed the door.

                “What do you mean I did something to Frank?”

                Ray didn’t buy his feign confusion. “What-the-fuck ever, Way. You tell Frank about your feelings towards him and shit then he sees you making out with a girl in the middle of a café. And might I add, that girl being the same girl who gave you that note that night at the bar. Can’t fucking fool me. You’ve hurt Frank, again! He’s been crying since I visited him.”

                “Fuck!” Mikey says aloud. “Wait. Fuck. That’s- wait. He saw that?!” He rakes his hair, pulling it in disbelief. For a moment, the action reminded Ray of Gerard once again but he tries to overlook that at the moment. “Fuck. It’s not what it seemed,” then he pauses. “Okay, it kinda is but- Ray, can you let me change into something first?”

                Ray nods and settles himself on the couch as Mikey rushed back to his room to change into some shirt and sweatpants.

                As he waits, he looks around the apartment noting how a mess a Way can be (saved for Donna) when it comes to their own homes. Mugs on coffee tables, newspapers on the floor, dead plants by the window sill. Mikey needs to be taught how to do proper house care, Ray’s surprised Mikey survived on his own so far.

                He notices a pile of drawings on the coffee table and leans forward to check it out. They were drawings of things Gerard usually draws like dragons, zombies, werewolves, Frank and so on. It’s nice to see them again, and sad at the same time for he imagines Mikey sitting on this same couch, looking at them with sad eyes.

                “Sorry. I- I can explain Ray,” Mikey says starting from where they left off but Ray points to the drawings.

                “Didn’t know you had Gee’s drawings.”

                Mikey stops and sees Ray properly studying the sketches. “It’s not his.” And as if on cue, Ray notices the signature at the bottom of each page. The signature being entirely different from Gee’s but not the same as Mikey’s either but the familiar cursive ‘M’ gives it away that… “It’s mine.”

                “Oh. Didn’t know you draw.”

                “It’s a starting hobby.” And then the subject is dropped as Mikey explains himself. “What Frank saw is not entirely what it seemed.”

                Ray puts down the drawings and faces Mikey. “Then what was it?”

                “We talked about some things… I can’t share it to you. I’m sorry. It was supposed to be strictly business.”

                “He saw you kissed her.”

                Mikey sighs, tired, realizing how deep he was in. “Yeah… that’s just Evelyn for you…”

                Ray raises an eyebrow. “That’s her name?”

                Mikey nods. “No one can resist her charms. Trust me, I’ve tried.” He then sits down beside Ray. “I still have feelings for Frank, okay. Evelyn is just some obstacle, a hindrance that I cannot easily get rid of. But I promise, if Frank and I do get together some day, she won’t interfere.”

                Ray doubts his friend’s words. “How sure are you?”

                Mikey smiles with sad eyes. “She told me. She knows about Frank, anyway.” Mikey rubs his face and sighs aloud. “I wish things were easier.”

                “Hmm.”

                “I’ll talk to Frank first thing tomorrow morning.”

                “He has work.”

                “Right,” Mikey reminds himself that Frank has a job. “I’ll pick him up after work, then. Explain everything. I don’t want it to seem like I played him or something.”

                Ray nods in agreement. “Bring him coffee.” He stands up and ready himself to leave. “Well, at least we got this covered.”

                “Yeah,” Mikey says as he stands up and walks Ray to the door. As he opens the door for Ray and Ray exits out, Mikey stops him. “Ray! Wait.”

                “What?”

                With a serious look, Mikey says, “If you see her again next time, stay away from her… or just- Just be careful, Ray.”

***

                They’re at a parking lot in a diner, just him and Mikey sitting in the car, both cradling their own cup of coffee. Honestly, Frank doesn’t want to be near Mikey right now, he still feels that tug of betrayal in his heart and he knows part of it is jealousy. He doesn’t even know why Frank agreed to be picked up by Mikey in the first place. He blames it on the Way charm, well he calls it that when in reality, all the Ways could do was plead with sad eyes and a pout then Frank falls for it easily.

                The thing is, he used to be used to Mikey being the charmer in their group. Mikey could just stand and do nothing, in less than a minute and girl or guy would be hanging off him. He’s seen it hundreds of times. It didn’t even bother him before even when he had a crush on him. But, obviously, this time it’s different. Mikey told him how he feels, and Mikey knows Frank feels the same. And seeing that beautiful girl kiss Mikey was like a stab to the heart and thrown. It fucking hurt him, even until now.

                “What are we doing here?” Frank finally asks, glancing tentatively at Mikey. He noticed Mikey bouncing his leg endlessly, and sipping his cup maybe a little loud than usual. In Frank’s mind, it shouts Gee! Thus, reminding him of Ray saying how much Mikey has been acting like the late Way than usual. “Mikey?”

                Finally, Mikey snaps out. “Oh-uhm. I was thinking we go eat inside, have early dinner but, I think, I’m not sure, it may be not a good idea anymore if there’s a sudden turn of events like us arguing. Frank, I don’t want to argue,” Mikey rambled. Mikey never rambles, that was Gerard’s thing. Maybe Ray is right about worrying about Mikey.

                Mikey tips his coffee cup, getting the last drop and places it on the cup holder. Maybe it’s just nerves and caffeine, Frank thinks which help better explain his behavior. Mikey turns to him. “Frank, about that day in the café-”

                Frank interrupts him. “If you’re going to say you were hiding your girlfriend from us for a good reason, maybe I would understand.”

                Mikey furrows his eyebrows in confusion. “What?! No! I was going to say that it didn’t mean anything. The kiss meant nothing.”

                Frank carefully places his still full coffee in the cup holder, looks up to Mikey and raises an eyebrow. “So why did you kiss her then?” He’s surprised he’s this calm at the moment.

                “Because- fuck. I don’t know. It just happens. She happens.”

                “Stupid excuse but do go on.”

                Mikey sighs aloud, frustrated. “Whoever knows Evelyn can’t resist her charms.” Reminds me of someone (or two) I know, Frank wanted to say. “She- It happened, okay. But she doesn’t mean anything.”

                “Did you meet her while you were gone?”

                Mikey’s face relaxes, but his eyes sad. “Yeah… It only happened a few times, I thought there was something but, no. I was wrong.” He holds Mikey’s gaze and says with great conviction, “She doesn’t mean anything, Frank.”

                Frank doesn’t buy it one bit and Mikey can tell so what Mikey does next caught Frank really off guard.

                Mikey grabs Frank’s face and pulls him in for a kiss. The kiss itself, at first, felt forced, urgent, and desperate that is, until Frank gives in. When Frank reciprocates, the kiss turns lighter, though, there is Mikey begging entrance with his tongue, Frank lets him, and the two kiss wet but slow. Frank wanted more of Mikey, so he pulled Mikey’s shirt for him to scoot closer, to taste more of that coffee, smoke, vanilla? And something else, something familiar that it’s hard for Frank to recall but it’s just at the tip of his tongue.

                Frank hears a groan that at first he thought was from him but he whimpers just a second after thus realizing it was Mikey groaning.

                Frank pulls away slightly and Mikey chases still. “What happened to taking it slow?” he mutters.

                “Fuck slow,” Mikey growls lowly and pulls Frank back to his mouth. “Want. You,” he growls between exchanges. “For a long time. Wanted you.” This times, it’s Frank he groans that maybe sounded more like a moan as he realized how hard he had become and no doubt Mikey felt the same.

                “Fuck slow,” Frank echoes in agreement.

                After some licking, biting, and smacking of lips that it may seem a bit inappropriate to an outsider’s point of view, Frank pulls away trying to inhale for air. “Mikey,” Frank whispers for his attention. Mikey just groans more and bites Frank’s bottom lip hard. Frank tries to resist moaning. “Mikey… not here… not now…”

                That seems to snap Mikey out and pulls away. His mouth red and wet, hazel eyes full blown pupils. Fuck, I did that, Frank cannot help think to himself. And he knew he looked the same.

                Mikey pants slightly. “You’re the only one who made me feel like that.” Then he chuckles. “I’m not even kidding, trust me.”

                Frank smirks devilishly, “Not even Evelyn?”

                Mikey laughs, amused. “Evelyn’s nothing compared to you.”

                “Liar,” but Frank pulls Mikey for one more kiss before they back out of the parking by the diner and go to somewhere more private.

Chapter Text

Part VI.

                Ray is close, he’s so fucking close to figuring out what’s going on with Mikey. All he did was take note of what Mikey told him that one time and used it to get more clues. He admitted to himself that he may be getting obsessed over it but it only took three instances. Three fucking times until it smacked right on the face.

                The first time it happened was right after dinner at his apartment. This happened a few days after he discovered that Mikey’s plea for help was useless because it was obvious to him that he and Frank are unofficial but together nonetheless. It was even more evident when the two think how subtle they are at hiding their holding hands underneath the dinner table and Christa, his fiancée, kept nudging him with her elbow to stop staring. Whatever, he thinks, it’s not his problem to deal with if the shitstorm comes. They deal with it themselves. He’s not going to let himself be dragged into this.

                After dinner, Ray just finished helping Christa clean up the dinner table by the time he returns to the living room, his two friends didn’t even bother hiding their overfriendliness. Mikey caught Ray looking at them and gave him an apologetic smile. Ray just rolled his eyes at him and settled on the couch not occupied by the two.

                After a few beers and shared stories, Christa bid good night to Ray’s friends and headed to bed. Frank, on the other hand, was already nodding off on Mikey’s shoulder since he mentioned earlier that work at the daycare drained out most of his energy.

                “He can stay here for the night, of course on the sofa,” Ray suggests as he finishes his beer. He knew that Mikey walked to his apartment, so walking Frank home in a tired state would be difficult.

                “Oh,” Mikey says as he just noticed Frank’s sleeping, then he nods. “Okay.” Ray watches Mikey resettle Frank properly on the sofa and he couldn’t help notice that he did find the two cute, like they do look good together as a couple, but he cannot un-see Frank was Gerard’s, and he finds it a bit weird that Gerard’s younger brother took his place, though it’s with good and pure intentions, no doubt. But still weird.

                “It is getting late,” Mikey says as he looks up the wall clock to check the time. Ray nods and briefly disappears to his room to get a spare blanket for Frank. He hands is to Mikey, and Mikey drapes it over Franks sleeping body. After that, “I guess, I gotta go. Thanks for the dinner. Tell Christa her food was awesome. Good night Ray.” Mikey gives Ray a half hug and Ray bids him good night, too as he shows Mikey out.

                “Huh,” Ray says a few seconds after Mikey left. He turns to the sofa to where Frank is lying down, softly snoring, then notices the red jacket resting on the armrest.

                Mikey’s jacket.

                He grabs it and rushes out of the door and hopefully Mikey hasn’t gone down the elevator yet. Thankfully, he spots him waiting for the elevator.

                “Mikey,” he calls out but hopefully not loud enough to wake his neighbors.

                Mikey turns around and notices Ray with furrowed eyebrows. “Oh, Ray? Something up?” Ray raises his jacket as he walks up to Mikey. “Fuck. Didn’t even notice. Thanks, man!”

                “Yeah, good thing I noticed as soon as you left.” Ray hands Mikey the jacket, and as the exchange happens, Ray briefly looks at their hands. When Ray looks up to bid Mikey good night once again, his voice got stuck in his throat, so did his breath.

                Mikey was nowhere in sight. Instead of a lanky, blond that he was talking to just seconds ago, red dyed, shoulder length- ohmyfuckinggod Gerard! Gerard is right there in front of him where Mikey should, in Mikey’s clothes. He still looked fucking the same before he died: red hair and pale.

                Then the elevator dings open making Ray blink, and suddenly Mikey’s back.

                What the fuck just happened?

                “Ray, you okay?”

                Ray blinks a few more times, just to make sure it’s Mikey. Eventually, he recovers. “Yeah… Just fucking tired, that’s all.”

                Before the elevator closes, Mikey holds the button to stay open. He looks back up at Ray, worried. “You sure?”

                Ray nods. “Yeah. I just- I think I just had too much to drink.”

                The worry is still there. “Well, you should get some sleep now. Thanks for the jacket.” He enters the elevator and waves. “Good night, Ray.”

                Ray waves back. “Good night.” The elevator closes.

                Maybe it’s just the alcohol.

                The second time it happens, it was only him and Mikey in the Way house, cleaning up the garage under Donna’s request. Frank wasn’t with them that day because he was at the daycare. Ray was free that morning, so he didn’t mind helping Mikey out. The jacket incident (that’s what Ray calls it since that night) was mostly forgotten.

                Ray was picking up empty cardboard boxes and folding it up when Mikey says, “Woah, didn’t know this was still here.” Ray looks up from his task then gasps aloud.

                This time, he had his back turned on Ray, facing instead the huge canvas. Where Mikey should be, there he stood, just like that day in the hallway, with shoulder length firetruck red hair.

                “Guess mom didn’t have the heart to throw or give it away,” even the voice didn’t belong to Mikey. “Maybe it was too morbid to be given away.”

                Ray tried his best not to blink but his eyes easily water, so when he couldn’t stop himself from blinking, this time he wasn’t surprised that Mikey returns, still in that same position as Ray’s hallucination.

                At least, that’s what he thinks it is. He hasn’t been sleeping well properly lately, so that must be it.

                Ray decides to look past Mikey to the painting and felt his skin go cold.

                There, a painting of a raven-haired female angel with her wings balding, torn to the bone. A painting by someone he knew so well. By Gerard Way.

                The third time left Ray closed off, locking himself in the apartment for a whole weekend.

                It happened on a Friday night at a club they used to go to when they were younger. Frank forcefully convinced Ray to let someone else run his bar for the night. Unofficially, it became a group date with him and Christa and with Frank and Mikey.

                In the midst of drinking, Frank pulled Mikey to the dancefloor. Few minutes later, Christa pulls him up to join in with his friends. He was reluctant at the idea of dancing because he knows he is no good but Christa can be pretty convincing even without words, just an innocent pout then Ray gives in.

                At first, the two pairs were far from each other, eventually Frank pulls Mikey to them and danced together as a group.

                Ray didn’t mind the dancing as soon as he felt his body loosen thanks to alcohol. He felt great having fun with his friends. Even Frank was having a blast with all the jumping and sweating that the rest of them couldn’t stop themselves from laughing because Frank was now dancing out of rhythm. He couldn’t even help notice Mikey staring admiringly at Frank, never seeming to take his eyes off him. It was obvious to Ray that what Mikey felt for Frank is real but he could not push the feeling off that the way he looks at Frank reminds him of the way Gerard used to look at him.

                And as soon as that thought was raised, one second he was seeing Mikey, the next, with the colorful strobe lights blinking to the beat of the music, he was seeing Gerard.

                This was different from the other two hallucinations he had because this time, no matter how many times Ray blinked, Gerard was still there, dancing with them, staring at Frank admiringly. He didn’t even noticed he stopped dancing until Gerard, with his voice, not Mikey’s, says, “Ray, are you okay?”

                Ray’s mind went blank. No explanation coming up in his mind.

                “Ray?” Christa asks, worry evident in her voice. He suddenly felt a hand on his back. He looks at Frank who was also holding worry in his eyes. “I think you’ve had too much to drink,” Christa says. She tries to pull Ray out of the dancefloor but he didn’t budge, like he was stuck there. “Ray?”

                Someone brings their hands on the side of his shoulders to support him. Ray looks away from Frank which he didn’t even notice he was staring long, then looks into the hazel eyes of Gerard Way. “Ray, you look pale. Do you feel sick?” All over, Ray wanted to say but couldn’t. “Come one, let’s bring him to the table first then book a cab home.”

                They all try to push him back to the table but Ray just kept staring at Gerard. Finally, he got his voice back but it felt like sandpaper, dry and rough. “Gerard.”

                Ray knew with the current volume of his voice against the loud club music, no one could have heard him say it, even Christa or Frank but Gerard did because he stopped and looked at Ray wide-eyed. “What did you say?”

                Ray blinks. Mikey’s back but the wide-eye stare that Gerard did was still there. “What did you just say?” he asks with his own voice.

                Ray felt the sweat in his hair roots, his heart beating so fast. His throat is still dry but he tries to swallow and repeat the name. “Gerard.”

***

                “Ray, open the door, please! I know you’re in there!”

                It’s not that he doesn’t want to see Mikey. He just doesn’t want to see Mikey for he is afraid who will greet him once he opens the door.

                “Ray… please…” It’s been more than five minutes that Mikey has been knocking on Ray’s door. Not once did Ray respond, just stared at it though he was tempted to open the door. Time to time, he’ll hear a shift of voice that isn’t Mikey’s and Ray is once more reminded who might be behind that door. Eventually, the knocking stops. Ray thought that Mikey gave up and left. He was about to check the peephole when Mikey spoke up once more, “Ray… Just… Call me, okay. I can- I think I know what’s going on. Just call me.” Then, Ray was very sure that Mikey already left.

                He felt so out of breath and his heart beat was just beginning to slow down. Ray just doesn’t know how to handle this.

                Come Monday afternoon, Ray was cleaning up tables when Frank enters the bar. “Ray!” He jumped from the call but continued to clean the tables without looking up to his friend. “What is up with you? We’ve been trying to call you over the weekend but you couldn’t even be bothered? To your own fiancée too?” Ray winced but he already did apologize to Christa this morning. “And Mikey’s acting frantic, too.”

                Fuck. Mikey.

                “I’m sorry,” he muttered as he decided to look up to his friend. Frank looked furious but concern was written all over his eyes.

                “What happened?”

                Ray knew he might sound crazy, maybe he already is, but he didn’t want Frank to worry more. “Nothing. Just got sick, that’s all.”

                “Fucking liar!”

                “Frank!” Ray was just tired and didn’t want this subject to be pushed further. “I- Can you just drop it? Forget about it?”

                “No,” Frank said with all seriousness. “But I’ll drop it for now, so technically, you’re not off the hook.”

                Ray exhaled, thankful. “Thanks.”

***

                When Ray got back to his apartment from work, he didn’t expect Mikey to be waiting for him by his door. He didn’t also expect his friend to look so tired, almost paled-out.

                “Ray,” Mikey says in a low but careful voice. “Can we talk? Please?” Ray knew he had no other choice but to comply.

                Not trusting his own voice, he could only nod. He keyed the door to his apartment open and let Mikey in. Even when he closed his door, he didn’t let Mikey out of his sight, he even tried hard not to even blink. He just wanted to make sure that this is Mikey he is seeing.

                “Ray,” Mikey says softly, worry obvious in his voice. “I- I… Fuck. How do I- Fuck!” Mikey kept cursing and raking his hair like a maniac, eventually decided to sit down on the sofa. Ray did the same but on the couch, instead, far from Mikey. It was obvious how the two don’t even know how to handle this. Mikey seemed lost in words. Ray just seems lost.

                Eventually, it was Ray who decided to speak up. “I… if we are on the same page… I really thought I was- maybe I am, going crazy.” His voice felt dried up and soft but he continued. “That night, it wasn’t the first time…”

                “When else did you see him?” Now, Ray was sure they were on the same-fucking-page. And knowing this revelation, somehow this heavy weight seemed to have lifted off his shoulders. He explained everything to Mikey: that dinner, the time he helped cleaned up the garage, and even the night at the club. He explained how he thought he was going crazy seeing his dead friend. He explained he was afraid of seeing Mikey because he might see him. But one thing for certain led him to ask Mikey something that has been bothering his mind.

                “How?”

                Mikey seemed to be back to his normal self and was even able to give Ray an easy smile. “How what?”

                “How come I can see him? How do you do that?”

                Mikey’s smile falter but it was a question he was expecting from his friend. “I’m not sure you even want to know.”

                “Try me,” Ray pushed.

                Mikey sighs and pulled himself at the edge of his seat. “Remember that Raven-haired girl who made you passed a message to me? Back in the bar?” Ray vaguely remembers but nods. “She has something to do with it.”

                “So,” Ray tries to comprehend the information. “She’s a witch?”

                “No… She worse than a witch,” but Mikey hesitates. “But she’s not a demon, either. She’s- she’s just hard to describe. A fallen angel, maybe the closest.”

                Somehow this reminded Ray of Gerard’s painting back in the Way’s garage. He’s starting to put the pieces together. “You made a deal with her.”

                Mikey nodded. “But it was Gerard’s fault.”

                “How is it his fault?”

                Ray watched his friend rake his hair and avoided Ray’s gaze. “This was before he met Frank. It was during his period of alcohol abuse. He threatened her. Back then, he tried to explain it to me why he did it but I just didn’t get it that time. It was only almost a year after his death did I get what he meant.” He held a breath before continuing. “I was supposed to die that night of the accident.” The he exhales. “Not, Gee, Me.” Ray noticed Mikey starting to tear up that he stood up from his seat and sat next to Mikey, rubbing his back in comfort. Mikey gave him a small thankful smile and before Ray could say anything he continued with his story. “I don’t know how but he found a loophole and so, he died in my place. That fucking idiot! He was supposed to propose to Frank and they could have been happily married if he only wasn’t so selfish…

                “When I left New Jersey, along my journey, I ended up in Chicago. Got to befriend a lot of people, and there I also met Evelyn. Now, I had no idea before that she and Gee already met. To me, she was just a beautiful stranger that I wanted to keep hooking up with but after just one hook up, she left like out of nowhere but also told me that I’ve come looking for her. She was right, eventually, we met up again. She knew what I really wanted even though I didn’t know what she was before.”

                “And what was it that you wanted,” Ray asked, but somehow getting an idea of what it might be.

                “I wanted Gerard back.”

                There was a pregnant pause before Ray spoke up.

                “You got your wish.”

                “Yeah… I did, didn’t I…”

                “Do you regret it?”

                This time, Mikey smirked but his eyes dim. “No. Not once did I regret it.” And with that voice, Ray shivered, because he was sure he heard Gerard, just now.

                “You never answered my other question.”

                Mikey slightly turned to him. “Which one?” Thankfully, it was his voice again.

                “How come I can see him?”

                Mikey looked away and instead stared at one of the magazines on the coffee table. “Oh… Well, that’s because we’re one and the same.”

                This left Ray confused. “What? I don’t…” He let his words trail off.

                Mikey laughed rather darkly but there really was no humor in this situation. “That was part of the deal. To get Gerard back, he’ll be here as long as we share the same body.” The suddenly, Mikey sat up taller and faced Ray. “You may be talking to me right now…” Ray blinked, unintentionally, then suddenly, Gerard was in front of him. “But you may also be talking to Gerard, too.”

                Ray’s breath hitched. For sure, his eyes widen. He now understands but this is all too overwhelming.

                This time, Gerard didn’t turn back to Mikey. That red hair, that upturned pixie nose, those piercing hazel eyes- Fuck! It was all Gerard.

                “Ray, I know- I know this is too much to handle right now…” Even his fucking voice is Gerard’s. “But I want you to understand this. I trust you, Ray.”

                “Gerard,” Ray sobbed. He didn’t even know he was tearing up.

                His late friend smiled his signature corner smile at Ray. “Hello, Ray.”

                “Fucker!”

                The red-head chuckled and tackled Ray into a hug. Ray froze in place but eventually hugged back, burying his face in Gerard’s shoulder. “I missed you…”

                “I missed you, too, Toro.”

                The two hesitantly pulled away from the hug. Ray wiped away his tears and when he looks again at Gerard, he saw Mikey instead. He didn’t try to show his disappointment, after all, he did try hiding away from the world because he thought he was seeing ghosts.

                “It was an accident, you know, showing Gerard. Sometimes, it’s hard to hold in just being Mikey Way when you’re holding two souls in one body. Of course, the other wants to come out. You were just too observant. But I trust you, Ray.”

                Ray chuckled as he wiped the last of his tears. “Does Frank know?”

                Mikey frowned and shook his head. “But I’ll have to tell him eventually.”

                “You should.”

                Mikey shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t want to give him a heart attack- like you almost did- especially when he sees his dead boyfriend.”

                “But you’ll get there eventually.”

                “Yeah,” Mikey says quietly. Ray blinks then he sees Gerard again. “But I just worry.”