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Keith wasn’t sure what to expect when stepping back into a castle, but being swept up into another group hug from most of his former teammates was definitely one of the better possibilities.
Most of his former teammates.
With everyone fighting to be the closest to him, he wouldn’t have even realized someone was missing had he not looked up and saw her leaning against the wall, an expression on her face that looked like a strange combination of anger and heartbreak.
“I never thought I’d miss your stupid mullet, but it’s been pretty boring around here with no one to make fun of,” Lance said, pulling Keith’s focus away from Pidge and back to the people surrounding him.
“When we thought you were going to die, that really scared us man!” Hunk chimed in. Keith glanced back toward Pidge only to see the door closing with her on the other side of it.
“Alright, that’s enough everyone,” Shiro said as he got everyone to back away. Keith was silently thankful. While he reveled in what little physical contact he did get, he was easily overwhelmed.
“What do you plan to do now?” Allura asked.
“I’m only staying for a few days, then there’s another mission with the Blades.”
Keith didn’t miss the disappointed looks of his friends. It tugged on his heartstrings, making him want to stay.
“I understand,” Shiro said. “You need to do what you think is best.”
“Well, while you are here, I’d like you to try some things I’ve been experimenting on!” Hunk hooked his hand around Keith’s arm and pulled him in the direction of the kitchen.
After Hunk fed him enough (delicious) food that he thought his stomach would explode, and Lance (lovingly) made up for the months that had gone by without them teasing each other, Keith’s thoughts drifted back to Pidge. He didn’t know what had upset her, but his instincts told him he needed to try to fix it.
Keith excused himself and made his way toward the green lion’s hangar, expecting to find Pidge there. When he found the hangar empty, he wandered around, checking her other usual spots. Eventually, he turned toward the paladins' quarters. If he couldn’t find her there, then perhaps she didn’t want to be found.
When he reached Pidge’s room, he could hear slight movement inside. He hesitated a moment to gather his thoughts, still having no idea what, exactly, he wanted to say. Taking a deep breath, he slowly raised his fist to knock when the door opened.
“Oh. Hey.” Pidge said flatly. She turned around to retreat back into her room, hitting the button to close the door. Keith reached out and caught it before it could close completely.
“Are you mad at me?”
“What gave you that idea?” Pidge replied sarcastically.
“You’ve been avoiding me ever since I got back.”
Pidge didn’t say anything in reply, she just crossed her arms and glared at the wall.
“Listen. I don’t know what I did to make you hate me, bu-“
“I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. That’s the problem.”
Keith blinked in shock. That… was not what he was expecting to hear. “How is that a problem?”
Pidge hugged her arms closer around herself, but still avoided eye contact. “It would be easier if I did hate you.”
“What would be easier?”
Pidge finally looked up and met Keith’s eyes. Her eyes were wet with tears that were threatening to fall, her voice starting to shake. “Why did you do it? Why did you try to kill yourself in a kamikaze move?”
“I had to do something. The planet was about to explode, taking everyone with it. Voltron wasn’t going to make it in time, and our weapons were doing nothing to penetrate the shields.”
“But I-we almost lost you!” Pidge dove head first into Keith’s chest. Keith hesitated before wrapping his arms around her.
“You didn’t lose me.”
“It would be easier if I hated you. Then I wouldn’t care what happened to you. But… I don’t hate you. I… I love you.”
Keith stiffened. “Y-you love me?”
Pidge gripped Keith’s shirt tighter. “When I thought you were going to die, when I thought I was never going to see you again, I realized that I can’t lose you. I love you.”
Keith held on to Pidge for a while, letting her words sink in. She loves him. He gently rubbed her back, not wanting to let go.
After a while, Pidge broke the silence. “Promise me that you won’t do anything reckless again. That you won’t risk your life again.”
Keith took a deep breath before grabbing Pidge’s shoulders and pushing her back slightly so he could look her in the eyes.
“I can’t promise that.”
“What do you mean?”
“We’re at war. This is bigger than either of us. You know as well as I do that victory isn’t won without sacrifice. Winning this war is more important than any individual’s life. My life isn’t worth the fate of the universe.”
“You’re worth it to me!” Pidge cried.
“In a few days, I’m leaving on another mission with the Blade. If I have an opportunity to help, I have to take it.”
“Please!” The tone of Pidge’s voice made Keith’s heart ache, but he ignored it and held his ground.
“I don’t want to die, and I’m not actively trying to get myself killed. But there’s a very real possibility that it could happen.”
“Promise me that you won’t die!” Pidge was practically begging now. It was so unlike her. Keith’s hands trembled. He wanted desperately to pull her into an embrace and assure her that he would always be there for her, that she would never again have to lose someone she cared about, but he was unwilling to give her that false hope.
“I’m sorry. I just can’t make that promise.”
Pidge pulled away from him, the heartache and disappointment clear in her eyes. He didn’t fight when she pushed on his chest, sending him into the hallway.
“I wish I could hate you.”
Pidge slammed the button to close the door.
Keith sighed. If Pidge could hate him, he would let her. He didn’t have the heart to tell her that he loves her too.