Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Isangst amiright: ....who changed my name

Burger KingTM: U gave urself this title buddy

Isangst amiright: No i didnt??

Burger KingTM: Yes u did. By being a massive emo

Hugs not Pugs: Ed! Dont be insensitive

Isangst amiright: Oh! Thanks iz

Hugs not Pugs: He might identify as goth

Isangst amiright: Hey!!

iCravetheVoid: Now ur an allstar

Isangst amiright: Max i s2g

Burger KingTM: NOW HEY NOW THIS IS WHAT DREAAAMS R MADE OF

Hugs not Pugs: A bit late ed

Burger KingTM: Hey

iCravetheVoid: Now

Isangst amiright: SDFHRUIWKNDH shut tf up

Hugs not Pugs: That is an UGLY keyboard smash

Isangst amiright: Almost as ugly as ur FACE

iCravetheVoid: Haha nice one isaac

Isangst amiright: What r u doing

iCravetheVoid: What? Complimenting u?

Isangst amiright: Yeah that. it s weird

Hugs not Pugs: Isaac buddy ur mind is a confusing place

Burger KingTM: Welcome To My Twisted Mind

Hugs not Pugs: Ok mr. isaac two years ago and also yesterday

iCravetheVoid: Guys stop picking on the underdog

Burger KingTM: Dont u mean updog?

Isangst amiright: ??? whats updog?

Burger KingTM: DHWIOLS,cmnyWKENRGE*SIK

Hugs not Pugs: EWHYUDIKJSADEWFGSREAF AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

iCravetheVoid: FDEQWFDVVWFRQTAYSJD HOLy SHIT HOLY FUCK

Isangst amiright: What? WHAT??

Hugs not Pugs: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

iCravetheVoid: Im dying...im crying…

Burger KingTM: The old man is lying

iCravetheVoid: Thats...a bit ominous

Isangst amiright: guys...Blease...whut just happened

Hugs not Pugs: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Isangst amiright: No dont do this to meeeee

iCravetheVoid: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Isangst amiright: I just wanna know!!!

Burger KingTM: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Isangst amiright: Dammit i hate all of u

Hugs not Pugs: We love u too motherfucker

Burger KingTM: Gasp!!!

iCravetheVoid: Iz there are babies present

Hugs not Pugs: Whos the baby?

Isangst amiright: Me

iCravetheVoid: He said it not i

Isangst amiright: Ok trusty google had my back when my “friends” did not and all i gotta say is: yall r immature

Hugs not Pugs: Yall

iCravetheVoid: Yall

Burger KingTM: Yall

Isangst amiright: I hope all of u die in the most painful ways

iCravetheVoid: U didnt even put an apostraphe

Hugs not Pugs: *apostrophe

iCravetheVoid: Fight me at dawn

Hugs not Pugs: You Would Die

iCravetheVoid: ...tru

Where r u guys currently?

Burger KingTM: Me and iz r walking to school together lookin at our screens like them damn millennials

Isangst amiright: Im taking a shortcut

iCravetheVoid: You mean the  right

Well since That Fucker jacked up my scooter i had to sneak onto the school bus

Which just so happened to be The Scary Fucker’s

And i can feel her eyes burning the back of my head

Burger KingTM: Max my dude i cant keep track of all ur nicknames

iCravetheVoid: Who is the most intimidating person u know?

Burger KingTM: I dont think izzy’s grandpa is on a school bus

Isangst amiright: We dont know his life

iCravetheVoid: Ok imagine like the personification of everything there is to fear in this world, but wearing pink

Burger KingTM: Oooooh

makes sense

Hugs not Pugs: That girl is spunky

I like her spunk

iCravetheVoid: Thats funny cuz she once told me she has a diary full of ideas on how to plant evidence of u murdering some1

Hugs not Pugs: See? Spunk

Isangst amiright: Ewww

Hugs not Pugs: Ohmygod isaac wtf

Isangst amiright: What?? Just...spunk! U know what im talking abot!

Hugs not Pugs: Yes i do and i am thurhly disgusted

iCravetheVoid: Wtf is that word

Hugs not Pugs: Shush its too early for english

iCravetheVoid: Its always too early for english

Isangst amiright: English is a fugly language that should burn in hell

Burger KingTM: From now on we only speak morse code

Hugs not Pugs: Sounds fun count me in

iCravetheVoid: Damn i knew i shouldve taken those free lessons from that one woman who always smelled like cabbage

Burger KingTM: Sounds Like A Steal

iCravetheVoid: I think she was like a veteran or something

Hugs not Pugs: Oh wht thats Lit

Burger KingTM: Wow Isabel you’re so hip

Hugs not Pugs: Thanks bud u always have my back

iCravetheVoid: More like spud

Burger KingTM: …

iCravetheVoid: Cuz ur tiny

And also possibly cuz u like green

And...potatoes r irish

Which is often connected with the color green

Hugs not Pugs: Thank u max, for explaining that wonderful joke

Isangst amiright: A full 30 seconds of my life im never getting back

iCravetheVoid: U know i do my best to entertain the masses but sometimes u just cant win em all

Hugs not Pugs: Or any of them

Ever

iCravetheVoid: Pouty face crying face

Hugs not Pugs: No

iCravetheVoid: Question mark

Hugs not Pugs: Stop that

Just put the emojis

iCravetheVoid: Smirking face

Hugs not Pugs: Angry face

iCravetheVoid: HA

Hugs not Pugs: Look what u made me do

Burger KingTM: OOO

LOOK WHAT U MADE ME DO

Hugs not Pugs: FFFFFFFFFFFFFF

Isangst amiright: LOOK WHAT U MADE ME DO

iCravetheVoid: LOOK WHAT U JUST MADE ME DO

Isangst amiright: Im sorry, the old isabel cant come to the phone right now~~

iCravetheVoid: whY?

Burger KingTM: Oh cuz shes fuckin deceased

iCravetheVoid: If only amiright

Hugs not Pugs: U wanna go?

iCravetheVoid: And hang out cuz i enjoy spending time in ur company? Ya sure

Hugs not Pugs: Damn

iCravetheVoid: Exactly

Burger KingTM: That song was almost as cringey as that time isaac gelled his hair down

Isangst amiright: WE PROMISED NOT TO SPEAK OF THAT

Hugs not Pugs: He looked like he was about to break out some khaki slacks and pastel polos!!

iCravetheVoid: It was a glorious day

Burger KingTM: Doesnt max have a pic?

Isangst amiright: Oh u mean the one on his DRUG DEALER FLIP PHONE

iCravetheVoid: MY PHONE IS INDESTRUCTABLE AND CAN BEAT UR PUNY PHONE UP ANYDAY

Hugs not Pugs: NOTHING WRONG WITH FLIP PHONES ISAAC

CAN U SLAM A TOUCH SCREEN SHUT AFTER ENDING A FRUSTRATING CALL WITH UR BOSS?? I DOTN THINK SO

Isangst amiright: UR 13!! U DONT HAVE A BOSS

Burger KingTM: WHATS WITH ALL THE CAPS!!!

Hugs not Pugs: THEYRE SATISFYING

iCravetheVoid: DOTN BE PRETENTIOUS ED JUST CALL THEM HATS

Isangst amiright: LOL

Hugs not Pugs: Ok im done

Isangst amiright: I do wonder how u type so quickly with those weird buttons tht have multiple letters on each

iCravetheVoid: Blood, sweat and tears

Hugs not Pugs: Experience, willpower, and a dash of lady luck

Isangst amiright: I dont even know what ur phone is ed

Burger KingTM: Bertha has never steered me wrong in the millenia that ive had her

iCravetheVoid: Im going to assume bertha is NOT ur phone for the sake of my sanity

Burger KingTM: Ur sanity is unsakened

Isangst amiright: Forsakened

iCravetheVoid: Noo that doesnt work in this context

Hugs not Pugs: Really?

Isangst amiright: U sure?

Hugs not Pugs: Whats the def

Isangst amiright: Hold on lemme search

Apparently its to renounce or gve up somethin

Hugs not Pugs: Thank u isaac’s phone tat was made in this century and therefore gets internet

iCravetheVoid: So i gues just cuz it has the word sake in it and a prefix doesnt mean its an antonym

Burger KingTM: “Prefix” “antonym” lol max dont make up words

Isangst amiright: My succulent assisstant google also says antonyms of sake r disadvantage, loss, etc

Burger KingTM: Anyone else think succulent is a very horny word

iCravetheVoid: What the ever loving fuck is a “horny word”

Burger KingTM: Eactly what it sounds like poopface

iCravetheVoid: Wow real mature

Hugs not Pugs: Just like the word “succulent”...

REAL mature ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Isangst amiright: I need new friends

Burger KingTM: Understandable

iCravetheVoid: #relatable

Hugs not Pugs: None of u appreciate tru talent

Chapter Text

Burger KingTM: And im feeling deserted  in this chilis tonight

Hugs not Pugs: Ed?? Where tf r u

Burger KingTM: UM AT THE LUNCH TABLE? Guys violet is giving me sad eyes. Usually she doesn’t even

acknowledge my existence

Isangst amiright: That’s how u know its bad

iCravetheVoid: Sorry kid iz and Isaac got us stuck in lunch detention

Hugs not Pugs: Uhhh Isaac is the one who wanted to challenge me to a Duel right in the middle of the hall

Isangst amiright: All I said was that mr. spender is a buttface??

Hugs not Pugs: Yes. That required a fight to the death

iCravetheVoid: And I also got in trouble for trying to keep the peace

Isangst amiright: Wellll u r a really bad peacekeeper

Hugs not Pugs: Yeah u were just yelling at us to not hold back while tripping a kid that went to tell a teacher

iCravetheVoid: If he hadn’t escaped u would’ve come to a peaceful agreement eventually

Burger KingTM:  guys
Suzy just invited me to come to her table
She licked her lips. Like actually. Im going to die

Isangst amiright: Collin will probably not let her actually murder u

iCravetheVoid: Eh hes a weak minded tadpole

Hugs not Pugs: Dimitri is a wild card
Bit of an instigator tbh

Burger KingTM: All of the 6th grade girls have a crush on him

iCravetheVoid: Whut???? Why? I don’t think ive ever seen him talk to a 6th grader

Burger KingTM: Its his whole ‘mysterious stranger’ vibe

Isangst amiright: Honestly? Same

iCravetheVoid: Oh Shut

Burger KingTM: As long as I act busy on my phone I don’t have to talk to them
How r u guys even texting rn?

iCravetheVoid: Ms baxter is talking to her (friend? Girlfriend?) they say “babe” and “mmhmm ur so right” a lot
Iz and Isaac r just making ugly faces at each other from across the room

Hugs not Pugs: This is so boring theyre not even using us for free child labor

Burger KingTM: I feel so awkward

Isangst amiright: Ed I know that ur not used to being an indivudal person

Burger KingTM: DO U WANT TO FIGHT

Isangst amiright: But I believe u can go half an hour alone

Burger KingTM: Cody is lookin at me with a mona lisa smile
Ive never felt so much affection and fear towards one person before

Isangst amiright: Anyone else think his eyes r like…a glowing blue
Like legit glow-in-the-dark

iCravetheVoid: Oh yah that guy is my Nemesis

Hugs not Pugs: Cody? But hes so…nice

iCravetheVoid: Yes but his flips r Killer and I have a fragile pride

Isangst amiright: How come max gets an anime Nemesis while I, the known anime fan, do not?

Hugs not Pugs: Lol Isaac ur nemesis is urself

Burger KingTM: Damn…

iCravetheVoid: Wheres the lie tho

Burger KingTM: I wonder why lisa isn’t at the school store

iCravetheVoid: Maybe our school finally got its shit together and stopped the Madness

Isangst amiright: Lol no

Hugs not Pugs: Serge is literally staring at ur thru the window rn

iCravetheVoid: WHAT THE FUCC
HOW IS HE EVEN ALLOWED OUTSIDE DURING CLASS

Isangst amiright: This school is honestly so Dramatic and I am living

iCravetheVoid: At least u acknowledge it
I am literally the only sane person here

Hugs not Pugs: U backflipped off the roof on a dare

iCravetheVoid: Yeah and johnny still owes me two puddings what about it

Burger KingTM: Speaking of that guy, his gang isn’t here and that’s just a Bit worrying

Isangst amiright: Theyre like a pot that u don’t WANT to boil so u always gotta be watching it

iCravetheVoid: Hope I don’t get fuckin tackled again

Hugs not Pugs: Lol it was right in front of mr splendid and he just smiled mildly

Burger KingTM: Johnny jhonny is an excited puppy that likes to fight and is also a three ton hellhound

iCravetheVoid: Tru

Hugs not Pugs: Its more like he and his frineds r some weird hivemind hydra

Burger KingTM: Honestly squad goals

Isangst amiright: Why rnt we that #tight

Burger KingTM: Ok guys tag urself im that weird conspiracy guy cuz I too am half feral

Isangst amiright: Im the kid whos the size of a house cuz I too am the Brain, Beauty and Brawn of the group

Hugs not Pugs: Im the silent but deadly one, like a fart

iCravetheVoid: Do yall know…Any of their names
Uve literally gone to the same school as them for Ever

Burger KingTM: Max that requires a level of competence from us that’s just not possible

Hugs not Pugs: But guys max cant be johnny

iCravetheVoid: What why not

Isangst amiright: U right it just wouldn’t…work

Hugs not Pugs: Ok he can be the fart kid, ill be the aggressive red one

Burger KingTM: Wow it fits so well

Hugs not Pugs: I cant even take that as an insult that guy is overflowing with Raw Power

Isangst amiright: Hes like Deku using One For All at 100 but always

Hugs not Pugs:   Isaac what did we say about making vague anime references

Isangst amiright: That im my own man and I can do whatever I darn well please

Hugs not Pugs: No

Isangst amiright: Haters gonna hate

iCravetheVoid: I Want To Die

Burger KingTM: Max is the embodiment of millennial humor

iCravetheVoid: Millennials Are Killing 7th Graders’ Humor

Isangst amiright: Someday were gonna have an honest intelligent conversation

Burger KingTM: Sounds fake but okay

Hugs not Pugs: Max hows ur sis? Still ballin’?

Isangst amiright: Isabel u cant just make up slang willy nilly

Burger KingTM: …

Hugs not Pugs: “willy nilly” @god what have I done to deserve this

iCravetheVoid: AHEm shes cool
She had some losers over for a d&d sesh and they were all decked out in cardboard armor it was great

Hugs not Pugs: Aww

Isangst amiright: Adorable

Burger KingTM: Why don’t we do awesome d&d shit?

iCravetheVoid: I think jeff and cody do that stuff

Burger KingTM: But im marginally cooler on the social hierarchy and being seen with them might lower it

Isangst amiright: That’s a goddamn lie

Burger KingTM: Ok u might be right
Damn am I really…the Lamest Loser

Hugs not Pugs: Kick him off the island

iCravetheVoid: Anyone else think that guy from Total Drama Island is like…actually Satan

Burger KingTM: I always cried watching that

iCravetheVoid: Haha baby

Isangst amiright: Weren’t u sobbing when we watched titanic

iCravetheVoid: I am not a strong man Isaac

Burger KingTM: No one is strong about titanic

Hugs not Pugs: THERE WAS ENOUGH ROOM FOR JACK

Isangst amiright: But what about emotional impact

Burger KingTM: Izzy doesn’t get sad at movies she gets mad
She almost punched the screen when we watch Up

Hugs not Pugs: They didn’t have to do that!!!

Isangst amiright: Yes they did iz it was for the plot

Hugs not Pugs: PLOT MY ASS
NO ONE HAS TO DIE

iCravetheVoid: --Isabel, during her Inspiring Speech as we go into battle

Burger KingTM: And then we all died

Isangst amiright: Lol I wish

iCravetheVoid: Nooo we cant all have millennial humor whos gonna bring the light hearted jokes to the table

Burger KingTM: As the residential comic relief I place the burden on my shoulders

Hugs not Pugs: Uh speak 4 urself I make baller jokes

Burger KingTM: Whats with u and balls

Hugs not Pugs: *insert lenny face*

Isangst amiright: C- for laziness

Hugs not Pugs: I accept that

Burger KingTM: Man…cant believe the only platform that was ever truly pure, Vine, is gone

Isangst amiright: Esxcuse me do u have time to talk about our lord and savior vine?

Hugs not Pugs: Its dead like Jebus Christ
And its rebirthed in vine 2

Burger KingTM: Whut

iCravetheVoid: What

Isangst amiright: What.

Hugs not Pugs: U don’t know about vine 2???

Burger KingTM: Is this a joke or osmethin?

Don’t play with my emotions

Hugs not Pugs: Look it up Edward ur about to be the happiest marsupial this side of the continent

Burger KingTM: HOLY SHIT
OMG GUYS
WTF

Hugs not Pugs: :D

Burger KingTM: HAVE MY PRAYERS BEEN ANSWERED? IS THERE TRULY A GOD?

iCravetheVoid: God gained another follower that day

Hugs not Pugs: Lol I just got the mental image of god, like, counting his twitter followers

Burger KingTM: If u think Isaac and max together r the personification of tumblr say I

Hugs not Pugs: I

iCravetheVoid: Oh yeah well ed is like my space or somethin

Isangst amiright: Isabel is youtube because she too says hurtful things to me

Hugs not Pugs: At least we can all agree that mr spender is facebook

iCravetheVoid: Yes

Burger KingTM: Yeah

Isangst amiright: Yep.

Chapter Text

Burger KingTM: Hey anybody up

Hugs not Pugs: Ed we r literally sitting next to each other

Does my company not satisfy u??

Isangst amiright: He obviously missed my Dazzling Charisma

iCravetheVoid: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no

Isangst amiright: This is cyber bullying and i do not condone it

Burger KingTM: Ok so i guess everyones up

iCravetheVoid: Its middle school ed we’re all too busy overthrowing the patriarchy to sleep

Hugs not Pugs: Well than whats high school for

iCravetheVoid: Thats when we all get pimply and insecure so we’ve gotta be as badass as possible rn

Isangst amiright: Soon i wont be with this chubby cheeked children

Ill be walking those daunting halls of high school, singing along with troy bolton and gabriella something-or-other

Hugs not Pugs: Ur going to be Eaten Alive

Burger KingTM: Did u know ryan evan’s actor wanted him to be canonically gay but the Higher Ups were dicks so they gave him that stupid romance with that hat girl

Isangst amiright: With the piano?

Burger KingTM: Yih

Hugs not Pugs: Thats so fucked up!!

iCravetheVoid: I always wondered about that since Hat Girl had that thing going on with the dumb basketball guy in the first movie

Isangst amiright: He didnt deserve her

Hugs not Pugs: Looking back on it, that baseball song with ryan and chad was like….Extremely Gay

Burger KingTM: That was my jam back in elementary

Isangst amiright: Now i have to make a chyan fanfiction with 500K words, possibly a coffee shop au

iCravetheVoid: I would read the hell out of that

Burger KingTM: U think theres really a high school musical fnadom?

iCravetheVoid: Where can i join

Isangst amiright: To join u have to get a troy haircut

iCravetheVoid: Where can i leave

Hugs not Pugs: All of us lil kiddies who sang along to every song and eagerly waited for hsm2 WERE the fandom. We didnt even need the internet

Burger KingTM: The internet did, in fact, exist in 2006

Hugs not Pugs: Um no? Lol

iCravetheVoid: who the fuck knows what year hsm came out at the top of their head

Isangst amiright: Language

iCravetheVoid: Whomst the fuck

Isangst amiright: No

iCravetheVoid: I cant believe ive had an entire conversation about high shcool musical in this day and age

Burger KingTM: Only 2000s Kids Remember This

Hugs not Pugs: Ugh the 2000s. We didnt even have a Style, like the 90s or 70s. It was just...bad

Isangst amiright: Thats my fleeting childhood ur talking about

iCravetheVoid: Ever think about how one day we’re gonna be old and wrinkly and rn we’re living our youth? Like...what r we supposed to do with ourselves

Burger KingTM: Idk...exist?

Hugs not Pugs: Profound my man

iCravetheVoid: But i mean literally all i do is go to school, go home, mess around, and sometimes it seems im supposed to do more or whatever.

Like im wasting time.

But idk what i should be doing than

Hugs not Pugs: I mean...u dont really need a reason to live.

Like, its good to have a purpose and shit, but we’re on this earth literally just to be there.

We didnt get a list of directions about how our life should go, what career we should aim for, etc.

u could really do anything u want, and that freedom is kinda scary, but a lotta people smarter than us have said that life is so special because its an unknown variable

Isangst amiright: Plus, we’re not even True Teenagers yet.

If u wanna make a difference or whatever, do volunteer work or charity or somethin, but think of it this way: going to school and playing around are part of the experience for our age, so no ones really expecting much else

Burger KingTM: Bcuz our lives have been pretty short so far, it feels like weve lived a long time.

But were gonna live to 7x this time, so theres no rush. Weve got the whole future ahead to do Important stuff. And for now we can hang out and make radical memories!

iCravetheVoid: Aww guys thx 4 taking my 3 am fake deep seriously

Burger KingTM: Its 11:47

Hugs not Pugs: I once killed a man

Isangst amiright: Im calling the cops

Hugs not Pugs: Wow ok? Now i see who r my fake friends

iCravetheVoid: Well hold on isaac let her say why first

Hugs not Pugs: He called me a bitch

Isangst amiright: Oh well why didnt u say so that makes everything fine

iCravetheVoid: Its great how i can tell he said that with zero sarcasm

Burger KingTM: U didnt kill him iz u just kicked his balls

Isangst amiright: Wait someone actually called u a bitch?

iCravetheVoid: Who the fuck do we gotta beat up?

Hugs not Pugs: Lol chill guys i already pulverized him

iCravetheVoid: ITS A HIM

Isangst amiright: That narrows it down by a small amount!

Hugs not Pugs: It was an academy kid

iCravetheVoid: Those fuckers? Theyre always causing trouble for johnnys gang

Burger KingTM: Uhh im mad at them too at the mo, but r u sure its not the other way around?

Isangst amiright: Shh ed hes blinded by love

iCravetheVoid: Wtf does that mean??

Hugs not Pugs: Nah but 4 real those guys r entitled dicks

iCravetheVoid: I cant believe were really doing this whole ‘enemy schools’ thing like some west side story plot

Hugs not Pugs: Unfortunately, bcuz we were born in this century, none of us get that reference

iCravetheVoid: Lol i would watch that movie all the time w/ my mom

Hugs not Pugs: Oh

Burger KingTM: Do u think ud wanna watch it as a group sometime?

iCravetheVoid: Yeah

Id like that

Isangst amiright: Guys not to alarm u but yoosung just said that he LOVES me

We’ve known each 4 like three days omg

Im not ready 4 this commitment

iCravetheVoid: Why did make ‘for’ into a number but left three as it is

Isangst amiright: PRIORITIES MAX

Burger KingTM: R u still playign that anime dating app

Isangst amiright: Yes and ur not allowed to judge cuz u still play flappy bird

Hugs not Pugs: Omg i forgot that existed

Burger KingTM: But isaac isnt that app aimed 4 girls?

Isangst amiright: Yah but like fuck them right

What gets me pissed is that when i try to say im not a girl the bots r programmed to say that theyre just gonna pretend that i am

Like i get that it makes it easier for the creators so they dont gotta mess with pronouns but idk

Hugs not Pugs: Wow ur really passionate about this

Isangst amiright: Ack sorry if that was cringey or something

Hugs not Pugs: ...isaac no?? We all literally love listening to u rant about ur interests thats what friends r 4

Isangst amiright: Oh

Right

Uh sorry

iCravetheVoid: Stop apoligizing lol

Isangst amiright: Sorry haha

Burger KingTM: Yeah but that is supremely stupid

iCravetheVoid: Do u think i can get away w/ doing history hw at lunch

Burger KingTM: Dudebro, we’re the Chosen Ones, mr. s wont make us actually work in class

Hugs not Pugs: Ed when did u last turn in hw?

Burger KingTM: 1986?? Why

Hugs not Pugs: when did u last check ur grades

Burger KingTM: Also 1986 i dont see how these correlate

Hugs not Pugs: Go check them

Isangst amiright: Cant believe he uses words like “correlate” thend oes dumb shit like this

Hugs not Pugs: Ok all of the blood has left his face so i think im gonna tuck him in

iCravetheVoid: Aww how disgustingly domestic

Isangst amiright: Rip ed

Whos gonna be our new cutesy mascot

iCravetheVoid: I vote pj

Isangst amiright: ?? who dat

iCravetheVoid: Ahaha i meant to type rj

Isangst amiright: Oh theyre kinda more feral cat than cuddly kitten

iCravetheVoid: Well thats some type of animal

Isangst amiright: Btw whuts ur fave animal?

iCravetheVoid: Why do u wanna know?

Isangst amiright: Wow. such level of suspicion aimed towards ur dear friend, for legitimately no reason

iCravetheVoid: Last time i told u my favorite drink u spilled it all over me

Isangst amiright: I?? Was trying to be a good persoN?

iCravetheVoid: I got second degree burns

Isangst amiright: It was first degree at most

iCravetheVoid: Yeah yeah whatever

Sharks. Theyre cool

Isangst amiright: Wow its almost like ur a middle school boy

iCravetheVoid: Shut! Now why did u really wanna know?

Isangst amiright: Idk. we havent know each other long so i just wanted to get to know u better i guess

Hugs not Pugs: Ok our son has been forcibly tied to bed so we can now break out the booze

iCravetheVoid: Yknow u cant keep acting like hes younger just cuz hes a midget

Hugs not Pugs: Um yes?? I can

Isangst amiright: Cant argue w/ that logic

iCravetheVoid: Anyone here been drunk b4?

Hugs not Pugs: Pls max were not gonna illegally drink until at least 15 when we start starring in our very own coming of age chic flicks

iCravetheVoid: I think those r two different genres

Hugs not Pugs: Tomato, boneless apple

iCravetheVoid: …...what, the actual fuk

Isangst amiright: Tsk tsk cant even curse correctly

Hugs not Pugs: Unfortunately ed will be cranky if i stay up oo late w/o him so i must take my leave

iCravetheVoid: and ive started smelling colors so imma bounce too

Isangst amiright: All of u r weak and cant hold up to my power

iCravetheVoid: Yes yes love u too

Hugs not Pugs: Night losers

Isangst amiright: Gnite

iCravetheVoid: Sleep tight

Chapter Text

iCravetheVoid: They’re beautiful

Burger KingTM: Who

iCravetheVoid: The my friends reading this

Isangst amiright: That meme is stale and so are u

iCravetheVoid: Wow i try to be wholesome one (1) time and this is what i get

Burger KingTM: We have a clique but no mom friend whats up with that

Isangst amiright: Maybe cuz all of us r trash

iCravetheVoid: Well ur not wrong

Hugs not Pugs: We really r the Orphan Squad

Burger KingTM: Literally

Isangst amiright: Fuck

Hugs not Pugs: Changing the subject, why r u guys texting during class

Isangst amiright: Cuz I'm a dumbass and gave up understanding math back in 3rd grade

iCravetheVoid: We have a sub and he's just snacking on chips while the kids go wild

Burger KingTM: Lisa has started a hierarchy and is quickly climbing to the top

Hugs not Pugs: :( man no fair our teacher is making us do a project

Burger KingTM: Than why?? R u not doing it?

Hugs not Pugs: Ed u know me when have i ever made a wise decision

Isangst amiright: Shes got a point

iCravetheVoid: Ur gonna get in troubleeee

Hugs not Pugs: Some people?? Use irresponsibility??? To cope????

Burger KingTM: Just ask to go the bathroom and hop on over here!

Isangst amiright: Stop encouraging bad behavior!!

As the senpai of this group it is my duty to stop u from acting rashly

iCravetheVoid: Pls never say that word again

Isangst amiright: Senpai?

iCravetheVoid: The worst part is its not even ironic

Isangst amiright: What do u mean max-chan?

iCravetheVoid: I will break u with my pinky finger

Hugs not Pugs: Wow max ur so tsundere

Burger KingTM: IZZY!

Hugs not Pugs: UwU yes?

iCravetheVoid: Ohmygooooood

Isangst amiright: Oh dont act like u didnt binge watch one punch man with me last week

iCravetheVoid: isAAC

Hugs not Pugs: Awww dont be ashamed max! Nothin wrong w/ liking anime

Burger KingTM: Yeah me nd iz used to watch pokemon every mornin

Isangst amiright: Amatuers

Hugs not Pugs: O.o whats that pretty boy

Isangst amiright: How is that an insult…

Hugs not Pugs: UR AN INSULT

TO HUMANITY

Burger KingTM: U TELL HIM BOSS

iCravetheVoid: Boys, boys, ur both manly

Burger KingTM: Well we’ve all watched dragon ball z right? Back when we were young lads?

iCravetheVoid: I was more of a Shred Eagle Extreme kinda kid

Isangst amiright: Max is an uncultured swine confirmed

iCravetheVoid: Can an uncultured swine do SICK FLIPS??

Isangst amiright: Possibly

iCravetheVoid: Than i except my title

Hugs not Pugs: *accept u goddamn moron

iCravetheVoid: I came out to have a good time and im honeslty feeling so attacked rn

Burger KingTM: Why cant we all be nice to each other T_T

Isangst amiright: We share our love thru dank memes and dark humor

iCravetheVoid: Its a new age ed

Hugs not Pugs: Omg i just realized: max do u wear a baseball hat cuz shred eagle did??

iCravetheVoid: ……

Burger KingTM: That is so ADORABLE

Isangst amiright: Awww how sweet

iCravetheVoid: SHUT UP ALL OF U

Isangst amiright: Whoa guys my babe google says the show had a skateboarding dog

Burger KingTM: Whats with u and google…?

Isangst amiright: AND A DOPE ROBOT FRIEND!!

Hugs not Pugs: Omg ur right it even had a badass lesbian

Add all that together with a POC lead and im sold

Burger KingTM: Guys...were WE the uncultured swines all along?

iCravetheVoid: Wait...r yall serious? Ud be interested in watching it?

Burger KingTM: HELL YEAH!!

Isangst amiright: They fight crime so like duh

Hugs not Pugs: Lets all get have a sleepover and watch it together!!

iCravetheVoid: Yes!! Id really really like that!

Hugs not Pugs: Aww its so cute seeing u hype 4 somethin

iCravetheVoid: The moment is gone

Hugs not Pugs: Nooo we were bonding

Isangst amiright: “I cradled u in my arms!”

Hugs not Pugs: Again with the references isaac

Isangst amiright: Screw u i do what i like

Burger KingTM: Wow isaac ur so cool >///<

Isangst amiright: Dont Patronize Me

Burger KingTM: What if i wasn't? Huh? What r u gonna do about??

Isangst amiright: Fuckin fight u i guess!

Burger KingTM: BRING IT ON BITCH

iCravetheVoid: Ed werent u the one who wanted us to be nicer

Burger KingTM: This is different

This is a matter of Honor

Isangst amiright: Ok zuko season 1

Hugs not Pugs: I actually get that reference!! :)

Isangst amiright: Aw yeah!

Burger KingTM: What Wholesome content

Finally, friendship

iCravetheVoid: Newsflash asshole! We’ve been wholesome the entire goddamn time!

Burger KingTM: DONT QUOTE OUTDATED MEMES AT ME

iCravetheVoid: UR NOT MY DAD

Hugs not Pugs: Yeah thats right IM his dad

Burger KingTM: Pls u dont have what it takes to be a father

Isangst amiright: Yeah im calling bullshit

Hugs not Pugs: Hi calling bullshit...im dad

Burger KingTM: ….holy cow

Isangst amiright: Fuck we’ve just been owned

iCravetheVoid: Has isabel really been two dads stacked in a trenchcoat this entire time

Isangst amiright: So we have the Dad Friend but no mom

iCravetheVoid: I guess we’re just special that way

Burger KingTM: Wow its like we’re Better than everyone else

Hugs not Pugs: Ohohoho! Hubris?

Burger KingTM: Why r u talking about a thick paste or spread made from ground chickpeas and sesame seeds, olive oil, lemon, and garlic, made originally in the Middle East?

Hugs not Pugs: There is no way u knew the definition of hummus off the top of ur head u fuckin copy and pasted that from the internet

Burger KingTM: U underestimate my power

Isangst amiright: Anybody know how to do algebra here

Hugs not Pugs: Wtf is “algebra”

Isangst amiright: :’) i need friends my age

iCravetheVoid: Oh fuck off ur only nine months older

Burger KingTM: Besides we’re way cooler! We fight the supernatural~~

Isangst amiright: Just the other day u snorted milk up ur nose and than made it come out of ur eyes

Burger KingTM: Not one of my finest moments

Hugs not Pugs: Au contraire

Burger KingTM: Mebe u can bully mr. spender into tutoring u, teachers r smart like that rite

Isangst amiright: Spending more time around mr. spender than i have to? No thanks

Hugs not Pugs: Isaac…

iCravetheVoid: Guys jeff just told me his favorite anime is mighty morphin power rangers

Isangst amiright: Was he joking…?

iCravetheVoid: I cant tell

Hugs not Pugs: That guy is Wild and honestly goals

Burger KingTM: My dream is to have hair that slowly eats away at my face, like him

Isangst amiright: Hes like 86% dumb t shirts and 5% awesome name

iCravetheVoid: “Jeffavorite Flavors” i need to give his parents a medal

Hugs not Pugs: Well than whats the other 9%

Isangst amiright: Dont make me do Fucking math for a goddamn joke

Burger KingTM: U ok buddy?

Isangst amiright: Yeah srry

Just ignore me

Stressed is all

iCravetheVoid: We should get together for a study session

Isangst amiright: Why?

iCravetheVoid: Ive been having trouble in english

Isangst amiright: My curriculum doesnt match with urs tho

iCravetheVoid: Well maybe we just want to be scholars hmm

Isangst amiright: Yeah sure im down

Burger KingTM: Yay! :) friday? After club?

iCravetheVoid: Sounds good

Isangst amiright: Affirmative

Hugs not Pugs: :)))

Burger KingTM: Yall mind if i

*attached image*

iCravetheVoid: Damn...i wanna be mad but

That image is Powerful

Isangst amiright: I dont mind at all u Majestic Creature

Burger KingTM: Dabbing Unicorn is pleased and excited that u all enjoy his Moves

He was nervous at first but now he is full of pride

Hugs not Pugs: Oh no im already attached

Isangst amiright: #1 Dabbing Unicorn Fan

iCravetheVoid: I Support Dabbing Unicorn

Hugs not Pugs: Someday i wish to have moves like Dabbing Unicorn (and jagger)

iCravetheVoid: Hello is this the Lame Club

Hugs not Pugs: ??

Isangst amiright: Eh?

iCravetheVoid: Its me violet

Isangst amiright: Uh...faintly recall

Hugs not Pugs: Did u steal maxs phone?

iCravetheVoid: Well lisa did, and than max tackled her, and  now jeff is trying to seperate them while cody and ed laugh, so now u get to enjoy my company

Hugs not Pugs: Tell ed i said hi!

iCravetheVoid: R u his datemate?

Hugs not Pugs: What? No! Im like his sister

Isangst amiright: Do U have a datemate violet?

iCravetheVoid: ...r u hitting on me

Isangst amiright: Oh god no

iCravetheVoid: Should i be offended

Isangst amiright: I dont think so,,,

iCravetheVoid: fuck uh MAX EATS HIS BOOGEFGW

orry guys im back

Just had to kill a classmate real quick

Hugs not Pugs: As per usual

Isangst amiright: Max!!

iCravetheVoid: Thansk 4 helping me ED

Burger KingTM: No problem buddy 8)

iCravetheVoid: Ew ugly emoji

Burger KingTM: But i wear glasses 8( its fitting

iCravetheVoid: Well maybe its ur face thats ugly

Burger KingTM: SUCH UNNECESSARY SALT

iCravetheVoid: VERY NECESSARY ACTUALLY

Burger KingTM: ISABEL AVENGE ME

Hugs not Pugs: U GOT IT BRO

iCravetheVoid: ISAAC HELP ME OUT HERE

Isangst amiright: No

Hugs not Pugs: daMN

Burger KingTM: Critical Hit

iCravetheVoid: Ive been betrayed...broken...my own brother in arms

Isangst amiright: When did u become so dramatic?

iCravetheVoid: whEn DiD yOu BeCoMe sO dRaMaTiC

Burger KingTM: Wheres the pic of spongebob

iCravetheVoid: Up ur butt thats where

Hugs not Pugs: Omg ed just apoligize to him

Burger KingTM: Alright fine sorry i didnt help u beat up our classmate

iCravetheVoid: Thank u thats all i asked 4

Isangst amiright: Ed is like the Norway of our friend group

Hugs not Pugs: Is this a history reference? Have u sunk so far?

Isangst amiright: Its not my fault im a Scholar

Hugs not Pugs: Ur MOMS a scholar

Burger KingTM: Beautiful delivery, classic insult, 10/10 would rate again

Hugs not Pugs: Thanks ed uve always been there 4 me from the start

Burger KingTM: No prob bob 8)

Isangst amiright: Is this what family looks like

Hugs not Pugs: Oh shush u fool

Isangst amiright: B’)

iCravetheVoid: Omg cody just asked who jacob sartorius is

Burger KingTM: That poor buffoon

Isangst amiright: Why the hell were u talking about jacob sartorius

iCravetheVoid: We’re bored ok

Theres only so much talks about video games and Starchman stars i can take before contemplating homicide

Hugs not Pugs: We have like 30 seconds b4 the bell rings

Burger KingTM: U guys wanna meet up in the club room 4 lunch?

Isangst amiright: Thats fine w/ me

iCravetheVoid: Yah sure

Hugs not Pugs: Sounds good!

Chapter Text

Isangst amiright: Someone pls put me in a coma

iCravetheVoid: Gladly

Burger KingTM: Is there a reason why?

Isangst amiright: Im Fuckin tired and theres a test

Burger KingTM: I feel u buddy

Hugs not Pugs: I wish u the best of luck!!

Isangst amiright: I'm gonna die but thanks anyway

iCravetheVoid: We all die u either kill urself or get killed

Burger KingTM: I know u were trying to sound deep but u forget I watched every vine compilation on utube

iCravetheVoid: Gotdamnit

Hugs not Pugs: Half the stuff that comes out of ur mouth is just stuff u stole from vine

iCravetheVoid: Did I ask? To be exposed like this??

Hugs not Pugs: Did Isaac leave to get his ass kicked w/ testing?

Burger KingTM: Ya I think so

iCravetheVoid: Poor dudes been having it rough lately

Burger KingTM: Do u think we should talk to him about getting a tutor?

iCravetheVoid: U know how he is about pride and stuff

Burger KingTM: :/ I just wanna help

iCravetheVoid: I know kid

Burger KingTM: U sound like an old fart when u call me that

Hugs not Pugs: I always thought it was weird when in those old actiton movies the main guy would call the female love interest ‘kid’ idk it judt made me uncomfortablr

iCravetheVoid: I know how u feel

Burger KingTM: Oh god

iCravetheVoid: ??

Burger KingTM: I just got scared when a bird t umped against the window

iCravetheVoid: Haha wimp

Burger KingTM: It's not my fault! I was up late watching Buzz feed unsolved and they always talk about creepy stuff

iCravetheVoid: Dude the entire attraction towards the show is the fact that the two dudes make funny jokes

Burger KingTM: WELL IT'S STILL SPOOKY

iCravetheVoid: u literally see ghosts and spirits and beat them up daily

Burger KingTM: I wasn't asking for logic Maximus

iCravetheVoid: U can't see it but I'm rolling my eyes at u

Burger KingTM: Where'd Izzy go?

iCravetheVoid: Mebe her phone got taken away

Burger KingTM: Ha she never was good at being subtle

iCravetheVoid: Why do u speak of her like she's dead

Burger KingTM: Max...isabels been dead for seven years

iCravetheVoid: SHUT UP U KNOW I GET FREAKED OUT BY THAT SHIT

Burger KingTM: She was always a ghost max

Wake up max you're in a coma

WAKE UP

iCravetheVoid: I hate yoooooou

So friggin muuuuuuch

Burger KingTM: Heh

Man this chat almost feels empty w/o our loudest members

iCravetheVoid: Isaac is selectively loud

Burger KingTM: Tru

iCravetheVoid: Ed

Burger KingTM: Ya?

iCravetheVoid: I can feel Johnny glaring holes into my hat

What do

Burger KingTM: Turn around and smile at him

iCravetheVoid: What? No why would I do that

Burger KingTM: Trust me it'll freak him out just do it

iCravetheVoid: Fine fine

Burger KingTM: So?

iCravetheVoid: He got a confused scowl and than punched himself

Burger KingTM: Just as i thought

iCravetheVoid: This town is so weird

Burger KingTM: But u love us right? <3 <3 <3

iCravetheVoid: Tch whatever

Burger KingTM: Playing hard to get? ;)))))

iCravetheVoid: Why don't u practice ur lines on iz

Burger KingTM: djcirjgodbwhyFJEEIFOBUDNWL i don't know what ur talking about

iCravetheVoid: Mhmm suuure

Burger KingTM: Shit can they see our messages

iCravetheVoid: Nah it'll disappear don't worry

Burger KingTM: Oh thank God I almost had a heart attack

...howd u know?

iCravetheVoid: Ur kinda the opposite of inconspicuous

But don't worry I don't think she knows

Burger KingTM: Cool cool cool no doubt no doubt

Max what do I dooooo? I'm hopeless

iCravetheVoid: Ackbuddy I'm really not the best one to ask

Burger KingTM: But no one else knows! And whatever I'm doing doesn't seem to be working

iCravetheVoid: Ok ok I'll call upon all those hours in waiting areas reading romance magazines

Maybe...test the waters? Flirt with her a bit and see if she reciprocates?

Burger KingTM: U WANT ME

EDWELL DANGER BURGER

TO FLIRT WIT MY OLDESTAND CLOSEST FRIEND ISABEL WHO IS WAY OUT OF MY LEAGUE

iCravetheVoid: Shhh it's ok calm down

Maybe that's a bit 2 advanced 4 now

Why don't i help out a bit? Ask her on the sly if shes got an eye out 4 anyone?

Burger KingTM: Well...if u think that would help

iCravetheVoid: D ont worry bro I got u

Burger KingTM: Thanks max

I wish I coulda just had a crush on u

iCravetheVoid: Hmm well that would be weird since ur like a lil bro to me but thanks man

Burger KingTM: OH GOD WHAT IF SHE THINKS OF ME LIKE A LIL BRO

iCravetheVoid: Ai yi yi

I understand that ur having a crisis rn but Cody and Jeff keep makin lovesick faces at each other and I'm stuck in a gay sandwich

Burger KingTM: Not the worst place to be

iCravetheVoid: I disagree I am feeling the awkward right about now

Burger KingTM: Violet is gonna be so sad

iCravetheVoid: What do u mean?

Burger KingTM: Dude it's uber obvious that she has a crush on Jeff

iCravetheVoid: WHAT??

Burger KingTM: r u serious?

iCravetheVoid: I thoufh she was wit lisa!!

Burger KingTM: Maaan idk bro everyone in this school is Real fluid with their sexuality

iCravetheVoid: Why can't Feelings just wait until our hormones get their shit together

Perhaps college when we can at least make out in peace

Burger KingTM: Why do u got a Special someone?

iCravetheVoid: NO I am an unfeeling machine

I just feel bad 4 all u losers, controlled by ur emotions

Burger KingTM: Mhmm

iCravetheVoid: >:V

Burger KingTM: haha I like that!

iCravetheVoid: Thanks

my friend from my old town would always use it when he was annoyed

Burger KingTM: Oooo am I hearing about New Kid Max’s Mysterious Background?

iCravetheVoid: I did sick flips with sick kids, the end

Burger KingTM: Aight I'm satisfied w/ that

Do u miss it?

iCravetheVoid: Yeah

The barrier thing

Really sucks

Burger KingTM: Aghdude I didn't even think what itd be like 4 someone who has a life outside of mayview

I'm real sorry abou that

iCravetheVoid: Eh not much u could do about it

Burger KingTM: :(

Isangst amiright: Ok guys u can stop crying I'm back

Burger KingTM: Isaac! How do u think u did?

Isangst amiright: Hmm lets not talk about school

iCravetheVoid: That bad huh?

Isangst amiright: SO WHAT'S UR FAVORITE BOOK FRIEND-OS

Burger KingTM: Th e Pokemon Essential Handbook

iCravetheVoid: Could u be any less of a nerd

Mine is the Outsiders

We had to read it 4 school and it was really cool

Burger KingTM: Wbu?

Isangst amiright: Ah Mob Psycho 100

Burger KingTM: Isn't that a manga

Isangst amiright: Mmmmmaybe

Burger KingTM: T at doesn't count!!

Isangst amiright: LET ME LIVE MY LIFE EDWARD

iCravetheVoid: Both of u had fake books ya idiots

Burger KingTM: I accidentally read that as fake boobs

Isangst amiright: Ed

Why In the actual fuck

Would u tell us that

Burger KingTM: Mebe I want my friends to know more about myself

iCravetheVoid: We don't need to know

That

Burger KingTM: U guys r like blushing virgins how cute

iCravetheVoid: I will murder u in cold blood

Isangst amiright: Ok edgy mcedge Lord

Burger KingTM: Oh no Isaac he's coming after ur title

Isangst amiright: I am constantly attacked in my own home

Hugs not Pugs: OK the teach stepped out for a sec so I got my phone back

Burger KingTM: Iz u coulda gotten in trouble!!

Hugs not Pugs: What I'm hearing from that is “wow iz ur like James bond. Ur so cool I want u to sign my forehead”

iCravetheVoid: I mean that is basically what he means whenever he talks about u

Burger KingTM: Ahahahahahaha oh max what a trickster what a good ole joke what a loyal pal man what a great guy

Hugs not Pugs: Am I missing something here

iCravetheVoid: Nothin important

Isangst amiright: Finally this hell period is almost over

Burger KingTM: Next period were doing presentations so I prolly won't be on

iCravetheVoid: K see u soon

Hugs not Pugs: Bye byeeeee

Chapter Text

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Helloooo my beautiful boys~~~

grumpy cat but cuter: Whadya want

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Wow really feeling the love :^(

grumpy cat but cuter: Demons don't deserve love

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Aw Collin are you still mad about yesterday?

grumpy cat but cuter: WEEKS DETENTION, SUZY

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: If you had listened when I told you to run, this wouldn't have happened

grumpy cat but cuter: Well if someone hadn't fallen asleep on lookout duty, we wouldn't have had to run in the first place >:(

humble.genius: Sorry dude, really

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Is your insomnia acting up again?

humble.genius: Haha no it's chill

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: I am literally an investigative journalist Dee, don't bother lying

humble.genius: Drop it :)

grumpy cat but cuter: I hope that file was important enough to mar my perfect reputation

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Oh please the teachers know you’ve done worse

And, in fact, it is

Now we know where Isabel Guerra aka devilspawn lives

grumpy cat but cuter: Oh god

Please tell me we didn't do all that just so you could stalk your weird hate crush

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: IGNORING THAT LAST WORD, YES IN FACT WE DID

grumpy cat but cuter: I regret every decision in my life leading to this

humble.genius: You say that every two and a half hours, it was timed

grumpy cat but cuter: And every time i am completely sincere

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Sooo anyway, how would my two loveliest friends feel about hanging out tonight?

grumpy cat but cuter: In which you mean staking out isabels home

No Thank You

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Collin dont be an old sponge with hair hanging off it

humble.genius: Stop making vague references to that show that aired in 2006, coincidentally the same year as high school musical

grumpy cat but cuter: What weirdo knows the year high school musical came out

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Dont act like you havent watched psych every time you come over!

grumpy cat but cuter: Cause you ALWAYS HAVE IT ON

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Excuses, excuses

If you come over mom will make chocolate cake

humble.genius: ....with the chocolate chips on top?

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: And caramel drizzle :)

grumpy cat but cuter: Goddamnit

humble.genius: Cant say no to that

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: YESSS

I love easily swayed, morally ambiguous friends

humble.genius: Just say chaotic neutral we know you want to

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: I have no idea what youre talking about

grumpy cat but cuter: Suzy we found your tumblr back in 6th grade

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: For the last time that is not me!! Just because they post pink aestheticy stuff and kin with satan--holy shit do i have a tumblr

humble.genius: Its ok suzy, collin still hasnt deactivated his myspace

grumpy cat but cuter: I TOLD YOU THAT IN A CONE OF SILENCE DIMITRI

humble.genius: Whoops my bad

grumpy cat but cuter: Youre such an enabler D:<

humble.genius: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Its ok collin we at least are civilized, modern people who have social media

humble.genius: I just dont have anything interesting to post

grumpy cat but cuter: Yeah right

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Youre right all you would do is tweet about your latest chess match

humble.genius: Well first id need a chess partner that actually gave me a challenge

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: WOW

grumpy cat but cuter: Suzy youre aware of how bad you are

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: OH DONT TURN THIS AROUND ON ME

YOU DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO PLAY

grumpy cat but cuter: AND I TAKE PRIDE IN THAT

ITS THE 21ST CENTURY WHOMST THE FUCK PLAYS BOARD GAMES

humble.genius: Why are you always yelling

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: BECAUSE WE ARE EXUBERANT ABOUT LIFE

grumpy cat but cuter: I KNOW THATS YOUR ‘WORD OF THE DAY’ ON THAT DUMB APP OF YOURS

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: UHH SORRY FOR BEING A SCHOLAR??

humble.genius: Pls stop text shouting

My text ears are ringing

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Youre no fun Dee

humble.genius: Why do you insist on shortening my perfectly fine name

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Because when i tell mom that i love Dee she makes the funniest face

grumpy cat but cuter: Does your mom still think youre in some weird threesome with us

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Haha hmm

grumpy cat but cuter: Thats a yes isnt it

Goddamnit suzy

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: WELL let her assume what she wants

No skin off my duck

grumpy cat but cuter: Thats not a saying and also youre stupid

humble.genius: Collins tough love gets me all hot and bothered

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Asdvgrwsxxhytrfbnjmnbvw

grumpy cat but cuter: DIMITRI DRAGONSLAYER DANGER

humble.genius: Heh

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: God i love that kid

humble.genius: I am older than you

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: No youre not??

humble.genius: ...im taller than you

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: BY ONE INCH?

humble.genius: Well the important thing is we’re both taller AND older then collin

grumpy cat but cuter: SHUT UP

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Youre right

Collin please tell us, how does it feel to be the baby of the group

grumpy cat but cuter: Im leaving this dumbass cult and moving to canada

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Pleeeaaase you wouldn't last one week with your dad

grumpy cat but cuter: Id stay with uncle felix obviously

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: And you would die because he only eats moose meat and hockey pucks

humble.genius: Dont forget the maple syrup

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Of course of course

grumpy cat but cuter: DIMITRI’S AUNT LIVES IN BRITAIN WHY DONT WE EVER MAKE JOKES ABOUT THAT

humble.genius: But i mean aunt varth actually does drink tea with every meal

Stereotypes are no fun if theyre true

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: I cant believe your grandma named her daughter a mixture of ‘darth’ and ‘vader’

grumpy cat but cuter: Are you forgetting his dad’s middle name, skywalker

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Imagine having the middle name skywalker and the last name danger

Just

Imagine it

grumpy cat but cuter: All of my problems would cease to exist

I would be a better man

humble.genius: Let us not forget that collins last name is literally just ‘surname’ in irish

grumpy cat but cuter: STOP BULLYING ME

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: OH YEAH

Wow its almost like we’re all just characters and the creator gave us our last names with the barest idea of what they want

“Ah geez this guy is...irish, i guess? How do i like, show that, should i just..look up irish last names? Fuck it, google, whats surname in irish”

grumpy cat but cuter: “Yeah, this guy, his name starts with a d, and im kinda in the alliteration mood rn, ya dig? So whats something cool that--Shit. danger. Im a fuckin genius”

humble.genius: If we were fictional, we’d be the minions to suzys villain

grumpy cat but cuter: And the activity club would be the rebels that fought to protect mayview

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: PLEASE their only ‘activity’ is bein FRUSTRATINGLY SECRETIVE

grumpy cat but cuter: Suzy when are you going to get over this dumb obsession

They probably just play minecraft but dont want to hang out with the weird video game club that fight over which pokemon is stronger and shit

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: FALSEHOOD

COLLIN WHERE IS YOUR CURIOSITY? YOUR INVESTIGATIVE SPIRIT?

grumpy cat but cuter: I only joined cuz u offered me your moms white chocolate chip cookies

I was so young and dumb back than

humble.genius: “Back than”

grumpy cat but cuter: Stfu

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Wow i guess our multiple years of friendship had nothing to do with it??

grumpy cat but cuter: *DICTATORSHIP

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: I am truly hurt and slightly pleased, collin

humble.genius: Why doesnt collin get a cutesy nickname?

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Cause youre a loveable sleepy sloth and collin is a raging dynamite stick

grumpy cat but cuter: OH YEAH WELL I DONT NEED SOME DUMB NICKNAME

ALSO YOURE A BUTT

AND UGLY

humble.genius: He has his own charm

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: His nickname can be coeliac, because he also gives me diarrhea

grumpy cat but cuter: Ur disgusting and im finding a new best friend

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Wait

Im your best friend?

grumpy cat but cuter: Ah

Um no

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: FINALLY HE ADMITS IT

humble.genius: You owe me five starchman stars

grumpy cat but cuter: WHAT THE FUCK

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: CAN WE GET THOSE CUTE FRIENDSHIP NECKLACES I SAW NOW

grumpy cat but cuter: I TAKE IT BACK I WAS LYING AND IM LEAVING THIS GROUPCHAT

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: HAHA NO YOURE NOT YOU LOVE US

grumpy cat but cuter: NO I DO NOT DONT PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH I HATE YOU!!!

humble.genius: I feel so emotional right now guys

grumpy cat but cuter: AGH U MADE ME SCARE AWAY MY CAT

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Ah yes.. .Bastard

grumpy cat but cuter: STOP CALLING MY CAT A BASTARD

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Ur cat gave me my first scar i can call him whatever the fuck i want!!

I was hoping id get bit by a shark or something but nooo

grumpy cat but cuter: Ur just jealous that dimitri got to go on a shark cage dive

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: ITS NOT FAAAAAIIIIR I SHOULDVE BEEN INVITED

humble.genius: It was a family vacation

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Are you implying that im not as close as a sister to you??

humble.genius: Take from it what you will

grumpy cat but cuter: DAMN stone cold Dee

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: There is no love in this household

humble.genius: Im gonna go take a dump

grumpy cat but cuter: Oh god Dee wtf

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: Have fun!!

humble.genius: See you tonight

grumpy cat but cuter: …is he implying that he’ll be in the bathroom until the evening

♡ Investigative Journalist ♡: what a charmer

Chapter Text

iCravetheVoid: Guys

Help

My jaw is about to fall off

Isangst amiright: What happened?

Hugs not Pugs: Did u get into a fight? We’ll happily avenge your honor

iCravetheVoid: No...i got a gum cigar and im chewing it with no end in sight

Its so BIG

Burger KingTM: Hehe

Hugs not Pugs: Ed i swear to god

Burger KingTM: Thats what she said

Hugs not Pugs: Ur banned from this chat, isaac how do we make that happen

Isangst amiright: Why do u assume i would know?

Hugs not Pugs: Idk u have a smartphone which automatically makes u techier than us

Isangst amiright: No it just means i live in the 21st century

Burger KingTM: Lets not get back on this bullshit

Isangst amiright: Speaking of bullshit

Theres a spirit wreaking mayhem in the gym and i cant deal with it rn

Hugs not Pugs: FUCK YEAH

Wait is there class in session?

Isangst amiright: Yeah but theyre outside doing laps

U got fifteen min

Hugs not Pugs: IM ON IT

Burger KingTM: Oh no u dont, ur at the other end of school

Im like two classes down, this ones me

Hugs not Pugs: EDDIE NOOOOO

Burger KingTM: Bye binches

Hugs not Pugs: gotdammit

iCravetheVoid: Isnt this school like high maintence watched by those school council fuckers

How have yall not been caught yelling and jumping around halls by now

Hugs not Pugs: U overestimate them

They are Idiots

Isangst amiright: There are some more competent ones, tho, like cody cept more evil

We just try to fly under their radar

Hugs not Pugs: They mostly keep their eye on troublemakers like suzy and johnny, we’re comfortably middle class

iCravetheVoid: So ur boring

Isangst amiright: I have superpowers!!!

iCravetheVoid: They dont know that

Oh fuck

Hugs not Pugs: Wha?

iCravetheVoid: Mr starchman is in one of his Big Moods

Hes splitting up the class to reenact the battle of gettysburg

Hugs not Pugs: That sounds like fun!!

Isangst amiright: Isnt it an english class

iCravetheVoid: He just pulled out an actual sword oh god

Hugs not Pugs: Luckyyyyy

Isangst amiright: Is that...allowed....

Hugs not Pugs: I wish mr spender was that Hardcore

Mr spender teaching: ok dudes now lets get into why the great depression was bomb af

Isangst amiright: In the positive or negative sense?

Hugs not Pugs: Who even knows

iCravetheVoid: Does he know what af stands for

Hugs not Pugs: WHO EVEN KNOWS

Isangst amiright: isabel , is it weird having a teacher whos also ur dad?

Hugs not Pugs: Exsqueeze me??

iCravetheVoid: Gasp isabel why didnt u tell me

Hugs not Pugs: Gross!!!

Hes only twenty something anyway

iCravetheVoid: Coulda been a teen pregnancy

Hugs not Pugs: Oh trust me buddy, mr s isnt aboutta have kids

Unless he adopted i guess

iCravetheVoid: Why not?

Hugs not Pugs: ….mr spender is gay, max

iCravetheVoid: WHAT??

Isangst amiright: Ohmygod

Hugs not Pugs: I mean, he wasn't really keeping it a seceet

Isangst amiright: Max have u ever met a straight person who wears sunglasses inside

He has DRIVING GLOVES

iCravetheVoid: I DONT KNOW WHAT ANY OF THOSE THINGS MEAN??

AM I MISSING A CONNECTION

Isangst amiright: Oh nevermind

Hugs not Pugs: Him and zarei are mlm and wlw solidarity

iCravetheVoid: …….

Isangst amiright: Max dont u fucking dare

Dont tell me u didnt know about zarei

She practically screams homosexual

Hugs not Pugs: Its true i watched a woman compliment her hijab and she practically melted

It was the funniest shit

iCravetheVoid: Am i just a dumbass? Is that what it is?

A fuckin oblivious turd?

Hugs not Pugs: Aww its ok max

U know now at least

iCravetheVoid: Ok well i want to make sure from now on

Whats u guys sexuality? If u want to tell me

Isangst amiright: Gay, probably

Hugs not Pugs: Dunno really

iCravetheVoid: Well thats chill

U dont gotta have everything sorted out

Hugs not Pugs: Thnaks max attack

And u?

iCravetheVoid: Mm idk

Ive never had a crush before i think

Isangst amiright: So theres no one that catches ur eye?

iCravetheVoid: Well

Oh shit mr starman is forcing me to participate

If i dont return after 30 minutes assume i was stabbed

Hugs not Pugs: Will do!

iCravetheVoid: Hello max’s friends

Hugs not Pugs: Damn this boy always gettin his phone stolen

Isangst amiright: Hello? Whos this?

iCravetheVoid: Its alex

U probably dont know me

Hugs not Pugs: Yeah nope sorry

Isangst amiright: Wait rnt u that girl that drew the picture of the ufo?

I liked the stars

iCravetheVoid: Oh! U know of me! Thank you!

Isangst amiright: Wlecome?

iCravetheVoid: U should remind max not to leave his phone unoccupied

Hugs not Pugs: Bcuz someone could take it and start messaging his firnds with it?

iCravetheVoid: Yes exactly!

Isangst amiright: Lol who would want that piece of junk

Hugs not Pugs: I will go to ur classroom and slap u

iCravetheVoid: Oh dear

Isangst amiright: ?

iCravetheVoid: I belive max was just stabbed by dimitri

Isangst amiright: Not...actually...right?

iCravetheVoid: No, with a pool noodle

Mr starchman has a stash of those in his closet

I think he stole them from the local pool

Hugs not Pugs: Sounds in character

iCravetheVoid: Max jsut spit out a wad of gum the size of ym fist and stuck dimitri to the wall

I believe they will soon resort to homicide

Isangst amiright: Wheres mr starchman??

iCravetheVoid: He is constructing some desks into an elaborate throne

The other classmates have started to turn feral

Hugs not Pugs: Just like in history

iCravetheVoid: They have dropped, like flies

I fear death is near for me

It was nice, conversing with others

Good bye

Isangst amiright: Jesus christ

Hugs not Pugs: Why does that class always have to go so hard

Isangst amiright: Isabel

Hugs not Pugs: Isaac no

Isangst amiright: Im sorry u make it too easy

I have no choice

Hugs not Pugs: plea se i beg u

Isangst amiright: Isangst amiright: ….

Thats what she said

Hugs not Pugs: GodFUCKINdammit

Isangst amiright: Stop setting urself up for them!!

Hugs not Pugs: I am so disappointed rn u have no idea

Isangst amiright: This is unrelated but did u ever figure out what was making those noises outside ur house

Hugs not Pugs: No but im pretty sure it was some raccoons or something

They were really loud :/

Isangst amiright: Maybe it was a staaalker

Hugs not Pugs: Yeah right

Grandpa would kill them

iCravetheVoid: Guys i may need some backup

Isangst amiright: Max?

Hugs not Pugs: Is it a spirit?

iCravetheVoid: No dimitri thinks he can actually win this battle

I need ur help

Isangst amiright: ...max u realize its not real right

iCravetheVoid: IT IS WHERE IT COUNTS

Isangst amiright: Theres like five minutes left

iCravetheVoid: Is this a betrayal? A mutiny?

Were we ever really friends??

Hugs not Pugs: Ok drama queen

Im sure ur strong enough to survive on ur own

iCravetheVoid: That smartass bribed most of the class to his side wiht suzys moms famous cookies

Hugs not Pugs: Oh damn

Does he have them like right now

Cuz i will come if he does

iCravetheVoid: No i cant trust any of u

Ur all tainted

Hugs not Pugs: Poor poor maxwell

U gotta give the people what they want

A reason for them to fight with u

iCravetheVoid: What if i offered them a blowjob

Isangst amiright: JESUS CHRIST

Hugs not Pugs: Hes serious

Ok max we’ll be right there

Isangst amiright: Dont do anything rash we can win this thing wihtout any prostituting

iCravetheVoid: Id make a damn fine prostitute

Isangst amiright: o h god

Chapter Text

iCravetheVoid: Good morning

Pleb

Hugs not Pugs: Mornin

Biatch

Burger KingTM: Aren't y'all in the same classroom rn

iCravetheVoid: Yeah but i can't be seen interacting with her

Gotta protect my lone wolf rep

Hugs not Pugs: On the first week of school u made like twenty friends what r u talking about

iCravetheVoid: They are Not my friends they r high maintenance, clingy acquaintances

Burger KingTM: Ur like catnip for strangers

Isangst amiright: It's his fake cool

If they knew what a dumbass he was…

iCravetheVoid: UR JUSY JEALOUS THAT I WAS NOMINATED FOR CLASS PREZ

Isangst amiright: U JUST GOT HERE LIKE A MONTH AGO IT MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE

iCravetheVoid: WHY DO U CARE UR NOT IN OUR GRADE

Isangst amiright: U DON'T EVEN LIKE LEADERShIP!!

Hugs not Pugs: Isaac u gotta come to terms with the fact that our ugly, stupid friend is somehow more popular than all of us

Burger KingTM: Speak 4 urself I'm everyone's lovable, quirky pal

iCravetheVoid: Well at least ur self aware

Burger KingTM: and isabel has that whole “cheerful jock” thing going for her

Isangst amiright: I can't believe my little kohais r all cooler than me:(

Hugs not Pugs: Don't worry Isaac ur xool in our book

iCravetheVoid: Don't speak for me

Isangst amiright: SO CRUEL

I AM ALONE IN THIS COLD COLD WORLD

Hugs not Pugs: U should really be in drama

Isangst amiright: Naaah son art is ym true calling

Burger KingTM: Who was that guy with the green hair u were drawing yesterday?

Isangst amiright: Ah u saw that? That's my gijinka

I'm not ver good yet

Burger KingTM: I really liked his scythe thing!!

Isangst amiright: Really? Thanks!

Hugs not Pugs: Wow

What a pure interaction

iCravetheVoid: I faintly feel like puking

Isangst amiright: Y'all r miserable and jaded and can never fully experience happiness like u once could

Hugs not Pugs: Damn??

Isangst amiright: Ahh that was a joke!

iCravetheVoid: Lol it's chill dude

Hugs not Pugs: Yeah it's totally tubular bro

Burger KingTM: Everythings grody to the max

Isangst amiright: Teasing people is so not gnarly, my cool cats

iCravetheVoid: WOW SORRY FOR USING AGE APPROPRIATE SLANG

Hugs not Pugs: max, code Lucifer

iCravetheVoid: Shit brb

Isangst amiright: What's code Lucifer?

Hugs not Pugs: Whenever Suzy gets that murderous look and  starts walking over, max is suppos4d to distract her so I can escape

Burger KingTM: That girl is hell spawn

Isangst amiright: I admire her determination

She is someone to be respected and feared

iCravetheVoid: She's bat shit insane tjats what she is

Burger KingTM: Ur back !!

iCravetheVoid: But at what cost

Hugs not Pugs: I'm now sitting on the bathroom floor, skippinglike a badass

It is gross and dull

iCravetheVoid: Well I just agreed to help Suzy wit some bake sale??

I have no idea how we were just talking about Dimitri and than...bam

Isangst amiright: Hehe sucker

iCravetheVoid: Good news is that she said I could invite friends!!

Isangst amiright: FUCK

iCravetheVoid: That's right tithead

Hugs not Pugs: wtf

Burger KingTM: Funny thing, actually,I would rather be eaten alive by moths

iCravetheVoid: Haha well good thing u have no choice :D

Burger KingTM: Max blease

iCravetheVoid: I am NOT dealing with the Journalism Club alone

Isangst amiright: Im not dealing period >:V im a busy boy

iCravetheVoid: ill buy u bubble tea

Isangst amiright: …..fine

Burger KingTM: HA weak

Hugs not Pugs: Eds coming too

Burger KingTM: Uuuuuuuuugggggggghhhhh fiiiiiiine

Isangst amiright: WEAK

Hugs not Pugs: IM WEAK

AND WHATS WRONG WITH THAT

BOY OH BOY I LOVE IT WHEN I FALL FOR THAT

Isangst amiright: Stop lyric spamming u graceless heathen

Hugs not Pugs: Umm i recall this exact song playing on ur fnacy pants phone so stfu

Burger KingTM: WRECK HIM SIS

Isangst amiright: Ed is the ultimate hype man

iCravetheVoid: Ed can have my first born

Burger KingTM: I Dont Want It

iCravetheVoid: Fuckig fine than u turd

Hugs not Pugs: Yknow johnnys gang is always cuddlin and complimenting each other

Wheres our disgustingly sweet acts of affection?

iCravetheVoid: Ur mom

Hugs not Pugs: THAT DOESNT EVEN MAKE SENSE WITH THIS CONTEXT

iCravetheVoid: YOUR

MOM

Burger KingTM: Me thinks someone is afraid of showing he luuurvs us uwu

iCravetheVoid: In ur wet dreams

Isangst amiright: Ewww

iCravetheVoid: Ohreally

U draw the line at that

Isangst amiright: i am a Devout Christian ??

iCravetheVoid: ur a dumb hoe thats what u is

Burger KingTM: SOMEONE SEEMS DEFENSIVE

iCravetheVoid: I WILL FEED YOUR FAMILY TO THE BIRDS

Hugs not Pugs: Max has a healthy amount of fear of vulnerability and we must all respect that

iCravetheVoid: Dont psychoanalyze me u stupid pidgeon

Isangst amiright: Pls

For once

Use a normal insult

iCravetheVoid: Never

furry

Hugs not Pugs: WHOA

Burger KingTM: SLOW UR ROLL SONIC THE HEDGEHOG

Isangst amiright: Max i will give u five whole dollars if u give each of us a genuine compliment

iCravetheVoid: Hmm

For real?

Isangst amiright: U have my word

Hugs not Pugs: Such unnecessary drama

Isangst amiright: Shhhhtfu

iCravetheVoid: Ok

Isabel, its really fun to watch u fight cuz ur super skilled and awesome looking

Ed, ithink its cool how ur funny on accident and u dont care what strangers think

Isaac, i see the effort u make in our friendship and i appreciate it a lot

Burger KingTM: Oh jeez

Hugs not Pugs: Im crying??

Isangst amiright: That was actually really sweet man :’)))

iCravetheVoid: Ew dont get used to it

I better get my damn money

Isangst amiright: I feel like im rewarding a dog 4 a trick

iCravetheVoid: ….furry

Burger KingTM: MAXATHAN MONTREAL BUCKET

iCravetheVoid: None of those r right

Isangst amiright: U know what else isnt right

Climate change

iCravetheVoid: Hello fellow teens

Hugs not Pugs: Omg again??

Isangst amiright: Who is it this time

iCravetheVoid: Haha what its me, maxwell puckett

Say whos ur favorite teacher just wondering no big

Hugs not Pugs: This is mr spender isnt it

iCravetheVoid: Pffft no?? Speaking of him, someone told me that he has an eight pack

That mr spender is shredded

Burger KingTM: Mr s why are u not teaching ur class

iCravetheVoid: Well if u were to talk to mr spender i think he would say that he caught a student texting in class which is a Big No No, and now he has time to spare while the kids do a worksheet

Hugs not Pugs: So ur bored

Isangst amiright: Im sure this breaks some kind of rule

iCravetheVoid: By the way, why r u kids on ur phone during the period?

Isangst amiright: Uuuuuhhhhh

Gotta blast

Burger KingTM: Seeya spender!

iCravetheVoid: mmhmm

Isabel? U went to the bathroom half an hour ago

Very interesting

Hugs not Pugs: Ill bring u starbucks tomorrow if u forget all of this

iCravetheVoid: ...and a cake pop

Hugs not Pugs: Yessss

iCravetheVoid: Now get back here

Hugs not Pugs: Sure thing bro!

Whoops i mean, mr. teacher

iCravetheVoid: Do u see me as a brother figure, guerro?

Hugs not Pugs: Stop quoting B-99 at me and get back to work

iCravetheVoid: But children are intimidating

Hugs not Pugs: Yknow what else is intimidating

iCravetheVoid: The all-consuming knowledge of being just an unimportant speck in the vast span of time and space?

Hugs not Pugs: What? No. well yes i suppose but,

Unemployment

iCravetheVoid: Uuuuuuuuuuuuugh ok

Hugs not Pugs: Sys

iCravetheVoid: Sanctify Yodellers Sunday?

Hugs not Pugs: Ur such an old coot

iCravetheVoid: :’(