Chapter Text
Life, thought Loki, considering Midgardian slang, sucked.
He trudged behind Thor, shuffling his feet until he realized that he probably looked like a disobedient child following his parent for a punishment. Immediately, Loki straightened up, shoulders back as he walked in a loose, easy stride.
Everything had seemed to go well, Loki recollected bitterly. Even when the spider had tricked him into revealing his plan, everything had turned out all right. If it hadn't been for the Hulk and the 'nuke'….
He had underestimated the humans…what did they call themselves? Revengers? Avengers? Ah, that was it.
But he wasn't going to underestimate them again.
"Loki!" called Thor in exasperation. Loki narrowed his eyes. Please, don't ask me anything….
"Can you go any faster?!"
Oh, no.
The All-Father, after Loki's humiliating defeat, had stripped Loki of all his magic fully, and then Odin had cast a spell on him so that every mortal he harmed, even pinched, Loki would feel exactly what the human felt. But he hadn't stopped there. Odin had then gone on to unarm him of his greatest weapon - his lies. Now, Loki could only speak the truth.
No, Loki willed himself to say. But that was not what came out. "Yes," replied Loki reluctantly, clenching his teeth. The moment he got out of his punishment, Loki was going to rip out Thor's head and shove it down his throat.
"Then please do hurry, brother," replied Thor. "We don't have all day."
"What kind of genius idea is this, Thor?" asked Loki, finally, ignoring his statement. "Supposedly sheltering me on the realm I just tried to conquer, and in the home of the people who just conquered me."
"We cannot leave you on Asgard with the guard so limited, since they are defending the city against the Chitauri," answered Thor, "And what place is better to house you than the home of those who conquered you?"
Loki was forced to reply Thor's last rhetorical question because of the All-Father's enchantment. "None," mumbled Loki sulkily. Thor looked guilty, and opened his mouth to apologize, but Loki cut him off.
"There is the Man of Iron's house," he said quickly, unwilling to suffer through an angst-ridden Thor apologizing profusely. "You had better have planned well for this, Thor."
"I have," said Thor unconvincingly, uneasy for the first time.
Loki smirked.
—————
"Sir, Mr. Odinson appears to be outside, with Mr. Laufeyson," said Jarvis' automated voice, jerking Tony's head up abruptly.
"Ah, Point Break's come to join the party!" said Tony, taking a huge bite of his pizza. "Jarvis, stack up some for Pop Tarts, will you?"
"Thor must be back," said Bruce looking up, dark eyes blinking behind his glasses. "Jarvis, who is Laufeyson? I don't remember him. Is he Asgardian?"
Jarvis almost sounded confused. "I beg your pardon, Dr. Banner, but I'm quite certain you have encountered Laufeyson, both in your present form and as the Hulk. Though not quite pleasantly, I regret to say."
"Not quite pleasantly?" echoed Bruce, an uneasy feeling tightening his stomach. Tony, being Tony, wasn't listening.
"Rudolph's scepter is powerful," Tony muttered, reaching over for his computer. "It's like it is its own thinking, living thing."
"Tony," interrupted Bruce, getting to his feet. "I think the owner of that scepter is coming here."
Tony tensed, looking up. "Laufeyson?" he said, frowning. "Jarvis, is the man with Thor, Loki?"
"Yes."
"Loki?!" yelped Tony, leaping from his seat. It may have been comical, but the direness of the situation kept Bruce from laughing. "What the hell is that bastard doing on Earth? I thought Thor said he was never coming back!"
"Don't ask me," said Bruce tiredly. Just when he thought things were settling down.
—
"Greetings, friends!" Thor's voice boomed. Somebody must have notified Clint and Natasha. Tony was glad.
He quickly glanced at Thor's eyes. They were a brilliant blue like always, but not the unnatural sheen that had covered Clint's eyes. So Thor was not mind-controlled.
Bleary-eyed, Rogers walked in quickly onto the scene, dressed for home but with his shield easily held against one arm. Jarvis must have alerted him, and mentally Tony gave him brownie points for that.
"Hello Thor," Bruce answered cautiously, shifting uneasily from foot to foot. "We're glad to see you, but why…" He never got to finish, because from behind Thor, in stepped…..Loki.
Tony cursed vehemently, wishing he had the sense to come in his suit. But Natasha got him covered, she had a gun out, pointing it at Loki. In the blink of an eye, Clint had an arrow notched in his bow, aimed directly into Loki's face.
Loki did not look afraid in the least, on the other hand, he seemed comfortable, judging by his posture. He had a faintly amused air about him, lifting a sardonic eyebrow in greeting. He did not look in the slightest like a supervillain. The bastard.
"Brother!" cried Thor in alarm, turning to him after a look at the attacking Avengers. "You were only to appear after I finished talking, we had an agreement!"
Tony stepped forward. "So did we, Thor," he interrupted. "You said you would take Loki back to Asgard to face Asgardian justice."
Thor exhaled slowly. "It is a long tale," he said finally. "To shorten a lengthy story, the Chitauri attacked Asgard. We know not why, it is a foolish move on their part. Our warriors are more than a match for them, but we cannot have many guards watching over Loki. The All-Father ordered him sent here."
Tony was infuriated. "What the hell are you saying?" he asked, stepping forward. He paid no attention to the fact he was speaking to someone probably a thousand years older than him, and a great deal taller too.
"Tony," said Bruce's warning voice, but Tony ignored it. "Are we the alien drop-off spot now? Disobedient son, oh, I'll banish him to Earth. Traitor to Asgard? Just send him off to that little planet over there, I've heard the weather is lovely there this time of year. And…"
"Tony!" interjected Bruce sharply. "Let Thor finish."
Tony was still pretty pissed. I mean, who wouldn't? You can't just bring a supervillain into anybody's house, uninvited. What about Pepper? Damn it, Loki would only get to her over his dead body.
"Thank you, son of Banner," said Thor gratefully. "As I was saying, the All-Father is not foolish. He placed an enchantment on Loki, so for every mortal he hurts, Loki himself will suffer the same effects. And when Loki speaks, he cannot speak a lie. Only truth."
Only truth, eh?
Bruce looked at him. "I know that look, Tony," he said, soft so the Asgardian visitors could not pick it up. "What's up?"
Tony grinned. "Maybe Loki being here might not be such a bad thing after all."
—————————
Loki was helpless.
He'd stood against some of the greatest evil in all the Nine Realms, yet he, Loki, was unarmed and helpless before mortals. He shouldn't be, he knew. Yet he was.
If he had his magic, even against all the Avengers, he would have had a decent chance. Even with a knife. But no, the only thing he had for a defender was his dupe of a brother-no, Thor was not his brother.
Loki quickly scanned the room. If he was fast enough, Loki could grab the dagger strapped to Thor's belt. He would throw it at Stark-he was not in his metal armor and virtually defenseless. The captain would pose a problem, and so would the hawk with his arrows. But he didn't need to fight them, he could jump out the window. It would undoubtedly be painful-no, his plan was foolish, Thor was there with his hammer. But what if he...
"That would work!" Thor's voice interjected crudely into his thoughts. "Loki, what do you think?"
Loki could have quickly changed his thoughts if he'd known what was coming, but he didn't know the All-Father's enchantment would force him to say exactly what he was thinking.
"Strategies on how to steal that dagger from your belt and use it to kill Stark, then jump out the window," Loki blurted out before he could stop himself. He clenched his fists at his side once he realized what he'd said, and scowled fiercely.
Thor hastily removed his dagger and held it firmly in his hand, away from Loki's grasp. Loki sighed, watching him glumly as his plan was literally ripped to shreds.
Stark was staring at him dumbly. "Holy crap, you really do have to tell the truth." He flashed a sudden grin at Loki. Idiot. "Loki, have you ever been in love?"
No, thought Loki frantically. No, I haven't. But the words that demanded to be let out were, Yes.
Very well, then. Loki cannot tell a lie, but he doesn't have to volunteer information. "Yes," he said begrudgingly. The foolish mortal beamed at him. "Can you tell me who?"
Stark had phrased the question incorrectly, and Loki mentally breathed a sigh of relief. "Yes."
Stark frowned, face scrunching up as he tried to frame a question that would get him an accurate answer. "Ok then, who was…"
"Tony!" said Banner sharply. Stark gave him a cheeky look. "Why? I've wondered that, actually. Wouldn't he be all…"
"Tony," interrupted the Captain tiredly. "We have more important things to do." Thor nodded, a slightly confused look on his face. "Yes," he said. "What say you?"
"Let me get this straight," said Barton, speaking for the first time as he glared daggers at Loki. "You want us to house Loki, the super villain who fucking took over my mind, for God's sake?" Thor blinked at him. "Yes," he answered, sounding faintly bewildered, "Did I not explain it clearly?"
Thor, you ham-fisted oaf, thought Loki, mentally slapping his palm to his forehead. There was a reason Loki had always been the diplomat, while Thor stuck with smashing everything in sight. Clint opened his mouth to speak again, but Romanoff interjected him.
"This could actually work," admitted Romanoff, shooting Barton an unreadable glance that Loki could not decipher. It seemed to do the trick, however, and Barton subsided, with a seething look still on his face.
"This may be the best place for Loki to be," Romanoff went on. "I mean, we already defeated him once, powers and all. We have Bruce, and the Hulk beat Loki before as well. He'll know better than to try anything, and there is also Jarvis, and we can have him monitoring Loki."
"But where are we going to house him?" asked Bruce practically. "Just wandering about? What about your house, Tony? Will it be safe?”
"Billionaire, baby."
"We can restrict him to a couple of floors," answered Romanoff. "And SHIELD will have to be notified, of course."
"To hell with SHIELD," countered Stark. "They're going to have security cameras all over, with the agents running all over the place, if Fury will even let us keep him. But I don't trust their cells, and I won't allow it. My house, my rules."
"You want the two of us to keep this from SHIELD?"
Loki's mind wandered off at this point, thought a part of his mind carefully monitored the conversation. The Avengers seemed to be leaning towards the option of having him there, but Loki could not figure out if that was a bad thing or a good thing.
True, they were the ones who had conquered him, much as he liked to avoid the topic. But then, this tower was not warded against magic like the cells in Asgard had been. Stark seemed intent on torturing him by asking personal questions, but Loki could avoid him.
But how was he going to get out of this ridiculously embarrassing situation? Whatever.
He was Loki.
He'd think of something.