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Chapter Text

  "Felix, your biggest problem right now is your Korean,” JYP’s cold stare bore into Felix’s gaze, who looked like he was about to cry. “I think you still need more time in order for your rap to be delivered better.” Changbin’s heart dropped, and tears began to well up in his brown eyes. ‘No, don’t tell me that nightmare is going to happen again, not with Felix…’
 

  “So, I’m really sorry, but this time you won’t be able to continue with the team.”
 

  Changbin felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. The black haired boy who’d brought the sun into his darkened life responded, “Yes.”, and was being snatched out of his life for something as mundane as not being completely fluent in Korean despite living in Seoul for only ten months. The dream of all 9 members debuting together was falling apart once again, they had to say goodbye again. The 8 members were able to hold it together until JYP left the practice room, but sobs racked through the air as soon as the door clicked closed. Hyunjin was the first to drop to his knees, bent over to hide his face from the camera that captured their every move.

 
  The first boy to attempt to console Felix was, surprisingly, Jisung. The brunette boy didn’t say a word, he just surrounded the other rapper in a tight hug as the younger boy cried into his shoulder. “I’m sorry…I’m really sorry...” Felix choked out between breaths.

  Seungmin was tearing up in the corner of the room, while Chan bit his lip and sniffled while playing with his fingers. Changbin, on the other hand, felt like he was dying. He couldn’t breathe, and curled in on himself as rivers of salty tears poured down his cheeks. The maknae, Jeongin, leaned into Woojin’s waiting arms for comfort. 
 

  Jisung continued to stroke Felix’s hair as more tears rained down. Eventually, the leader joined the crying pair of rappers. “Come find me, yeah? I’m not gonna leave you behind.” Felix nodded between his tears, and felt a tug on his sleeve. It was Changbin, who was still staring at the wooden floor beneath them. “Hyung is really sorry…I didn’t do enough for you.” The black haired boy wiped the snot dripping from his nose with the corner of his sleeve, “Why are you sorry, hyung?” Chan, who had started to calm down a bit, erupted into tears again at seeing the two best friends bawl in each other’s arms. Changbin’s palms clenched into fists full of Felix’s black and white flannel, continuing to dampen the cloth with his sorrow. Felix tightly grasped the older boy’s shoulders, wailing softly.

 
~~
 

 
  Changbin yawned, kicking his feet out from his navy blue wool blanket. Korean winters were cold, especially for him. The rapper had never had a high tolerance for cold weather, after all.  He ruffled his brunette bedhead roughly, and headed out into the dorm’s kitchen, where the others had already began to eat breakfast. Changbin wearily shoveled spoonfuls of Reese’s cereal into his mouth, thinking ahead about the group’s packed schedule for the day.

  It was 6am, and they had dance practice at 7:30am until 12pm. Then, the group had a quick 30 minute lunch break before vocal and rap lessons. They then had more dance practice, and most of the members got to go home to the dorm at 10pm, except for 3RACHA, who were working on composing new songs. Another day he didn’t get home until 2am, but that’s the price he’d have to pay to achieve his dream and become an idol.  The Reese’s cereal he had in front of him was one of many foods listed on their banned diet list, but the young rapper snuck them into his meal plan occasionally.

 
  “Where’s Felix?” Changbin asked in between bites, “He’s gonna miss out on breakfast again if he doesn’t get up.” Jisung looked at the other boy with pity, and Chan just shook his head in silence. His question went unanswered, but Changbin’s attention quickly returned to the food in front of him. Breakfast in Stray Kids’ dorm passed by quickly as usual, filled with random chatter about video games, reading tweets from their fans, and snapchatting their fellow trainees. Jeongin was half asleep, face down in his half eaten plate of eggs and salad. Seungmin was taking selfies with Woojin, and Hyunjin had began to clear away the dishes.

 
  Eventually, Changbin excused himself from the table after rinsing his bowl to go wake up Felix, who he assumed hadn’t even rolled out of bed yet. “Oh, Felix~” Changbin exclaimed with glee, intent on jumping on top of the younger boy. Swinging open the bedroom door, he was met with silence…and a stripped bed. ‘Oh…’ he thought. He’d forgotten. Felix had been eliminated, and had moved out of the dorm two days ago.

 
  The past two days had been a nightmare for him. Practice dragged by, and he fought through each filming to keep a ghost of a smile on his face. Today was no different, except now he couldn’t function. The dance steps of a familiar song such as “Hellevator” were getting jumbled in his head, and he kept making mistakes. In addition, the group of boys were working on rearranging the dance to “YaYaYa” since Felix was gone, and it was painful. “Dammit!” Changbin exclaimed; he kept confusing the first chorus with the second one, and had almost crashed into Jisung at least three times now. Saying he was frustrated would be an understatement, he was outright pissed.

 
  “Ya!” Chan’s angry voice cut through the tense air like a knife, snapping Changbin out of his scattered thoughts. “Get your head out of your ass, Changbin. I know Felix is gone and it fucking sucks, but you’ve gotta focus. Go outside and clear your head, and then get your sorry ass back in here.” The brunette reeled; his silver-haired friend had never yelled at him like that before. He scoffed, and tossed his empty water bottle into the trash before storming out. He grabbed his phone and sweater from the hook, and ran outside the building. Before he knew it, he was running. He ran until he was out of breath, and eventually stopped outside a strip of cafes. He let his unstable emotions get the better of him, and dialed the one person he needed to talk to at the moment.

 
  The phone rang twice. “Hello?”

 
  “Felix, can I come over? Like, now?”

 
  His best friend’s laugh echoed through his phone’s speaker, instantly bringing a tearful smile to Changbin’s face. “Sure, Binnie. I’ll be waiting.”

 
  It took Changbin less than 10 minutes to run to the younger boy’s house, even though it should’ve taken 20. He was that desperate for tactile comfort from Felix; he needed to see his face. It had only been two days since he’d last seen him, but it felt like a millennia. Changbin was practically wheezing when he finally rang the doorbell, and Felix answered, chuckling. He led the older rapper to his living room, and served him a glass of water. “So, aren’t you supposed to be at practice? Why are you wasting your time with me, silly?”

 
  The brunette’s expression darkened, and he pulled Felix down onto the couch with him before plastering his sweaty body all over the younger male. “Please don’t ever say that being with you is a waste of time.” Surprised, Felix raised his eyebrows. "You should hurry up and get back to the others, your survival isn't over. What'd you need to see me so urgently for, anyway?"

  "I missed you." Changbin deadpanned. Felix snorted, smacking his friend on the back. He leaned back in his laughter, exposing his milky white neck to the brunette boy. Changbin gulped, and cleared his throat. "I-I'm serious!"

  "I missed you, too, my dude." Felix responded in English, popping the piece of gum he'd been chewing. The aroma of Juicy Fruit bubblegum through the air. "Gimme a piece," Changbin demanded, reaching for Felix's pocket. He swatted Changbin's outstretched palm away, "Ew, no. I don't like you."

  "GIMME SOME, YOU HOE." The older rapper manhandled his friend onto his back to reach into his jeans' pocket, successfully swiping the packet of gum. As an added bonus, Changbin decided to tickle Felix since he had the upper hand in this position.

  Felix began to laugh uncontrollably, awkwardly trying to kick Changbin's back to get away from the onslaught of tickles. "Oh my god," he wheezed, "Let me...go, I'm dying-!"

  Despite his friend's complaints, Changbin felt like torturing the younger boy a little more. He tazed Felix's neck, making him cringe. He tried to throw Changbin off, and made him lose his balance. In an effort not to fall to the floor below, Changbin grabbed onto the nearest object to steady his body's momentum, which just so happened to be Felix's butt.

  "Aaahhh~"

  Changbin's eyes widened, and a rosy blush erupted across his face. He was so shocked that he fell to the floor anyway. Felix, on the other hand, bolted to the bathroom. The audible click of the door locking was heard throughout the silent home.

  'What the hell just happened?' Changbin thought, having been left alone in the living room. He gently opened and closed his palms, staring at the hallway Felix had ran through. '...his butt was really soft.'

Chapter Text

  Roughly 5 minutes had passed since Felix had scampered off to the bathroom, and his house was absolutely silent. Changbin was still collecting his thoughts, but took it upon himself to stop being a wuss and approach his best friend about what had just happened.

  “Felix?” The brunette called out, knocking softly against the white wooden door, “Are you ok?”

  Felix didn’t answer, but Changbin could hear muffled crying from within the bathroom. It seemed that the younger boy was mortified, and it was all Changbin’s fault. He felt absolutely awful. “Can you please open the door? I’m sorry about what happened, I was just trying to stop myself from falling and grabbed onto you without thinking…"

  Once again, the older rapper’s pleas went unanswered. He tried knocking on the door a little louder and was met with a choked up “Go away!”

  “Come on, Felix. I said I was sorry…please forgive me!” A hard sound hit the door, startling Changbin. It seemed like Felix had thrown something at the closed door. Disheartened, Changbin let his body collapse against the doorframe and slid down the door. He could still hear Felix crying, and was helpless to console him. “Felix…” Changbin tried again, voice cracking slightly at the end. Visiting the younger rapper was supposed to help him, but instead it was making his wounded heart feel worse. All he wanted in that moment was for Felix to open the door so they could talk, but it seemed like he wouldn’t get his wish.

  "Please, hyung,” a feeble voice called out in the suffocating silence, “just leave me be and go home…"

  Tears welled up in Changbin’s eyes, physically displaying the emotional conflict that was tearing him up inside. His hands shook, and the brunette clenched his fists. Despite the justification for him grabbing Felix, he ended up embarrassing the other. The more he thought about it, he realized he’d unintentionally violated the other. He felt disgusting.

  His throat felt like it’d closed up, and the tears he swore he wouldn’t let fall were now steadily running down his cheeks. Unable to bring himself to reply, Changbin headed for the front door and laced up his sneakers. He left Felix’s house without a word.

  Felix secretly watched from the bathroom window as Changbin headed down his driveway. For a moment, he thought he saw the older wiping his face with his palms, but convinced himself otherwise. It was only when he couldn’t see the older boy’s retreating back anymore did he really allow himself to break down and cry.

  He really hadn’t wanted to moan like that in front of Changbin, his precious hyung. Felix had disgraced himself to the boy he liked since moving to Korea. He was mortified. It was all because Changbin happened to have been on top of him in their tickling frenzy and accidently grabbed his ass to stop himself from falling off the couch. ‘Damn you, hormones.’ Felix thought, ‘Now Changbinnie’s gonna think I’m a weirdo…’

  The Australian boy continued to sob in the bathroom, curling in on himself and his self-depreciating thoughts. Eventually, Felix discarded the towel he’d used to muffle his cries from earlier when Changbin was there. When he exited the bathroom an hour later, he noticed the onslaught of texts that he’d received while he’d been wallowing in selfpity. In addition, Felix also spotted Changbin’s sweater, which the older boy must’ve accidentally left behind.

  ~From: Changbinnie <3~
  Felix, I’m sorry.

  ~From: Shitty Maknae~
  Hey hyung, we haven’t seen Changbin-hyung in about an hour since Chan made him go clear his head. Is he with you?

  ~From: Leader-nim~
  Tell Changbin to stop avoiding my calls and that I’m sorry for scolding him

  ~From: Dance God~
  Yo Aussie, wanna go get some jajangmyeon?

  ~From: Changbinnie <3~
  Please call me…

 

  Felix’s heart sank as he read the messages he’d received, especially Changbin’s. Feeling lonely, he sporatically decided to pull on the older boy’s sweater over his Coca-Cola printed t-shirt. It was a bit difficult since Changbin was drastically smaller than him, but the tight-fitting sweater clung to him nicely once he rolled up the sleeves. The Australian rapper chose to respond to Minho first considering it was the only text he received that had nothing to do with a certain brunette boy.

  ~To: Dance God~
  Sure, as long as you’re treating ;)

  ~From: Dance God~
  Fuck u but fine

  ~To: Dance God~
  Xo ily hyung

  He washed his face and fluffed his hair, spiking the front slightly in the way he knew all his members ‘Whoops, past members…’ liked. Changbin’s black sweater caught his eye in the mirror, and the memory of the brunette’s iconic “I Like Dark” quote from episode 2 came to mind. Felix chuckled and smiled brightly at the thought. His phone ringing reminded him that he was supposed to be meeting Minho, and he quickly slipped on some Vans and ran outside to catch an Uber.

  “You’re late!” Minho called out to him as Felix approached the restaurant. The older boy had insisted on going to Onnuriye Donkatsu, a famous restaurant in Seoul. Minho was dressed pretty casually as usual, pairing ripped skinny jeans with a black t-shirt and a matching black backpack to store clothes he’d bought earlier. Despite his simple attire, his visuals still stunned the younger boy. “Hyung, you should be wearing a coat! It’s cold out, you don’t need to get sick.”

  Minho laughed, “Awww, you’re worried about me? How cute.” He ruffled Felix’s hair, and earned a neck-chop as a result. Pouting, Felix tried to salvage his hair, but gave up after a large gust of wind blew it flat. “Come on,” the older dancer laced his palm with Felix’s and gave it a little squeeze, “let’s go inside and eat, I’m starving.”

  They were given a table in the front of the restaurant, much to Felix’s delight. The large window allowed him to look out on the busy streets outside and people-watch, able to observe random things such as the cars speeding by. The two boys happily chattered about random things such as new dances they wanted to learn together and planning a shopping trip for the upcoming weekend. Eventually, their jajangmyeon arrived at their table, and Felix was surprised to see that Minho had ordered the Donkatsu of Death, too. The restaurant was actually known for serving the Donkatsu of Death; The pork cutlet was drenched in an ominous dark red sauce made from a rich broth of Asian herbs and what the owner claims is the spiciest chili on earth. “Hyung, you know I can’t eat spicy food! I’ll be projectile vomiting my internal organs all over their bathroom floor if I even lick the sauce on it.”

  Wrinkling his nose at the pungent spice, Felix continued, “How’d you even get them to serve it to you? You don’t have a gallon of milk-’’ Minho cut him off, smirking and pointing beneath the table. Sure enough, there was a gallon of milk sitting near the older dancer’s toned calves. “I ordered it when you were in the bathroom trying to fix your hair. The milk was in my backpack; I’d bought it at a convenience store on my way to meet you here.” Felix scowled, “So that’s why you insisted on going to Onnuriye Donkatsu. I’m not gonna eat that, I don’t have a death wish.”

  “Suit yourself. I’m gonna dig in~” Minho shrugged, and broke his chopsticks in two. He slathered the meat with even more sauce, and stuffed a large piece into his mouth. Immediately, his face puckered with the pain of the donkatsu’s spice. Felix laughed, nearly choking on the noodles he was eating as the other boy flailed to quickly pour himself a glass of milk, chugging the whole cup. “You’ve got 18 more minutes to beat the challenge and get your face on the Wall of Pain, hyung!”

 

  "Screw that, I’ll just gradually eat this. Anyways, a little birdie told me that someone’s been feeling a bit emotionally constipated lately. Wanna talk to me about it?” The Australian stalled, shoveling more jajangmyeon into his mouth to buy some time. Of course, Minho noticed. “Come on, Felix. I’m your hyung, you can trust me with anything. I’m not gonna repeat what you said to anyone if that’s what you’re worried about.” Felix was silent, idly sipping his soda. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Minho, he was just scared to reveal the source of his problems.

  Minho stared at him thoughtfully, “Lemme guess; you’re having problems with Changbin, right?”

  Felix’s eyes widened, “How’d you know?” Minho grinned, slurping some of the noodles Felix had placed on his plate. “Oh please, the two of you are so obvious with how much you like each other. All the fans know it too because you made Changbin give you that kiss on the cheek during the Jenga gam when you would’ve made him do it to me if you didn’t like him.” The older dancer pushed his empty glass toward the side of the table and stole a sip of Felix’s root beer, “Don’t even try and deny it. I’ve seen the way you look at him; you’re even wearing his sweater right now.”

  The Australian boy blushed, knowing the feelings he thought he’d hid so well were clearly exposed out in the open. “A-alright, alright. It’s kinda true, but it’s not like I can help it. He’s always been so kind to me and everything and he’s just so attractive and talented and-“

 

  “Oh my god, finally. However, I didn’t ask for the whole monologue of you getting all fluffy over Changbin, geez. Too gay for me, my dude.” Felix scoffed, “Please, you’re the gayest out of all of the group. I saw you trying to feel up Jisung’s thighs in front of me and Chan the other day once filming was over.”

  “Touché, my dude.” Minho shot finger-guns at Felix. “Honestly, you should just go visit Changbin sometime tomorrow and tell him how you feel. He pretty much worships the ground you walk on and would be thrilled to hear about how much you love him.” They continued to bicker back and forth about how Felix should confess to Changbin for a while, occasionally pausing for Minho to eat small bites of his pork cutlet. It was then that the older dancer noticed that Felix had been skipping eating in favor of continuing to rant about the time he realized he had feelings for Changbin. “Ya! Don’t waste your food, it’s gonna get all cold on you.”

  He picked up a large amount of the jajangmyeon with his chopsticks, and held it out across the table for Felix. “Here comes the choo-choo train, say ‘Ahhh’.” Playing along, Felix leaned toward the noodles and opened his mouth, letting out the deepest “Ahh” he could and slurped up the noodles. One happened to fall into Minho’s spare hand, which he had used to catch any that might’ve dropped, and he tossed it into his mouth.

  --

  Changbin hadn’t returned to practice after leaving Felix’s house. Instead, he’d idly wandered the city as he waited for his emotions to calm down. He could feel his phone vibrating incessantly in his pocket, but he couldn’t be bothered to answer it. At some point, he managed to send Felix two texts apologizing again for what’d happened, choosing to place his phone on ‘Do Not Disturb’ after he confirmed they’d been delivered. It became apparent to him after a while that he’d left his sweatshirt at Felix’s, which sucked for him due to the chilly weather. Despite freezing, his wounded pride kept him from returning to Felix’s to reclaim it.

  The rapper passed time for an hour, occasionally entering a few stores to warm up or to purchase various snacks. It was getting late at that point, so Changbin had to brace himself to start heading back to the dorm and the inevitable scolding that awaited him as soon as he walked in the door. Surprisingly, there was a lot of foot traffic that night, so Changbin decided upon taking a detour to save himself some time.

  The alleyway he took happened to be filled with restaurants, making Changbin salivate and his realtively empty stomach growl. A strong gust of wind nearly blew his snapback off, and Changbin increased his pace to make it back to the dorm faster. He could smell various comfort foods such as pungent kimchi, fresh seafood, and many other things that made him hungry. Changbin occasionally glanced in a few windows he passed to look inside at all the people, but one restaurant he passed by made him do a double take.

  Felix and Minho were inside, and Minho was feeding Felix. Not to mention, Felix looked so happy. Much happier than when he’d been with him earlier that afternoon, and it was all because of Minho. Changbin’s insides twisted with jealousy, and bile crept up I his throat. He could feel his neutral expression morph into one of hurt and anger. Minho knew of his feelings toward Felix, how could he go behind his back like this and take the younger rapper out on a date?! Rationally, Changbin knew it was probably two friends innocently gathering to eat a meal, but seeing how Minho’s eyes crinkled up as he watched Felix bite the noodles off of Minho’s outstretched chopsticks drove him insane. Minho even wiped the sauce that’d gotten on Felix’s cheek off with his thumb, and had the audacity to lick it off. They looked like a couple!

  Changbin's lip curled, unable to watch the love of his life flash his beautiful smile at Minho in a scene that could’ve been taken straight out of a movie. His poor heart couldn’t take it anymore, so he ran off down the dimly lit street. The sound of his sneakers hitting the pavement echoed loudly through the mostly deserted hallway, reminiscent of the jolts of betrayal he felt inside.

  Unbeknownst to Changbin, Minho had noticed his prescene prior to him fleeing. He glanced out the window and watched as the younger boy fled the exterior of the restaurant. Felix followed his gaze outside, and tilted his head questioningly, “Hyung? Is something wrong?” Minho redirected his attention to the boy in front of him and grinned mysteriously. “Nope, just thought I saw something.” He passed Felix a piece of the pork cutlet, “Come on, try a bite of this.”

Chapter Text

   Felix woke up feeling refreshed, and untangled himself from the blanket cocoon he’d been surrounded in while he’d slept. He’d enjoyed his night out with Minho, and felt he’d bonded significantly with the other. The two of them had been hanging out constantly after practice, which took up the majority of the minimal free time Felix had. Sometimes, Jisung or one of the others would tag along as well. However, he was still torn up over what’d happened with Changbin, and was trying to convince himself to just confess how much he liked him. Changbin’s friendly smile occupied his thoughts all throughout breakfast, and he walked to the JYP building on auto-pilot.

   The cold wind whipped against his reddened ears, and Felix pulled his black mask higher above his nose. Despite being eliminated, the Australian rapper diligently continued training. He stayed up late every night trying to improve his Korean and used a tip from Hyunjin that improved his pronunciation, too. Saying he wasn’t salty or upset about losing his chance to debut with Stray Kids would be an understatement. However, Felix knew he had to keep his head up. It had been a week since he’d went out to dinner with Minho, which also meant it’d been a week since he spoke to Changbin…

   He greeted some of his sunbaes on his way in, and blindly flipped through his phone for the latest news on Stray Kids. A bunch of fans seemed to be raising hell on Naver and Twitter over his elimination, some even threatening to sue JYP if he didn’t reinstate Minho and himself. Seeing the fans being so protective of him made Felix happy, and even got his hopes up that their rage might eventually catch JYP’s attention. However, he knew that things most likely wouldn’t work out in his favor. The sooner he faced the reality that his hyungs would debut without him would also equate to some inner peace as well.

~~

   Felix had felt like a zombie throughout practice; his inner turmoil over unintentionally avoiding contacting his closest hyung clouded his thoughts. His movements felt muddled, almost as if he’d been trudging through a swamp. The Australian gradually became more and more frustrated with himself, and decided to leave his practice early for the first time since he became a trainee. He brooded silently with himself, debating whether or not to send the older rapper a text.

   Felix missed Changbin dearly, he always felt grounded when the older boy was around. Changbin understood him more than anyone he’d ever known, and it was tearing him apart inside to not talk to him. Sure, Felix was still mortified over what happened when Changbin had tickled him, but not seeing his best friend was much worse. He gradually talked himself into sending the older rapper a text, hoping Changbin would forgive him for how rude he’d been the week before.

   To: Changbinnie <3
   Hyunggggg

   To: Changbinnie <3
  I miss you and all your emo quotes.    Can we hang out later?

   Depositing his phone safely in the pocket of his joggers, Felix pulled on some gloves as he exited the building. “Ya!”, A voice called out from behind him; it was Chan. “Aye, Bang Chan!” The two Australian boys embraced, smacking each other on the back a couple times. “How’s it goin’?” The gray haired man ruffled Felix’s brunette hair, replying fondly “I’ve been good, just finished wrangling all the kids up and sending them back to the dorm. Did you dye your hair?”

    “Yup, I was getting sick of the black hair. I just needed some change, ya know?” Chan flashed him one of his trademark grins, “I feel like every time I see you, you’ve dyed your hair. Be careful, or you might go bald!”

   “Oh, please. The only one who’s gonna become bald anytime soon is you, grandpa!” Felix cackled, gesturing at the older boy’s gray hair. “Shut up, it’s dye!”

   “Keep telling yourself that, CB97.”

   Chan wrapped an arm around the brunette’s shoulder, pulling him along as they distanced themselves from the JYP building and the small army of fans shrieking at the corner. “Come to the arcade with me, it’s been a while since we’ve last hung out. Besides, I wanted to talk to you anyways.” Felix thought about it, and nodded. He couldn’t remember the last time he ever went out just to enjoy himself with something as frivolous as an arcade, so he decided to treat himself to a break just this once. The younger Australian wiggled his eyebrows creepily, “I’m gonna destroy you at air hockey.”

   “Hahaha, you can try but I’ll bury you. Don’t under-estimate your elders, brat.” Felix pointed out how Chan essentially called himself old, whooping with glee. Chan simply sighed, and hailed a taxi. The two boys bickered back and forth over who would win what games until they arrived at the arcade.

   After about two hours, the two Australians had worn themselves out. As expected, Felix won DDR by a landslide, and Chan won ski-ball and terminator. The rest of the games were split evenly, including air hockey. The boys were tied at 2 wins 2 losses each, and Chan eventually called a truce in favor of grabbing a burger at the snack bar.

   The disco ball casted colorful beams of light across the room, highlighting certain features on the two boys’ faces. Felix watched as the light seemed to dance across Chan’s slim nose and cheekbones. The younger boy felt like his face was rather flat in comparison, and couldn’t help but mentally trace the shadows he saw there. Chan’s mouth quirked upward slightly upon noticing Felix staring at him, and winked.

   “So,” Chan started, biting into his barbeque bacon burger, “I wanted to talk to you about Changbin. He’s been moping around since last week and no one can get him to talk. You’re the closest to him; do you have any idea why he’s avoiding us all?”

   Felix pursed his plump lips, considering what had happened between the two of them. “I kind of had an argument with Changbin the other day, but I don’t think what happened would make him antisocial with everyone.” He could practically see the gears turning in the leader’s head as he processed Felix’s response, idly taking a sip of his Coca-Cola before responding. “What happened between the two of you, if you don’t mind me asking?”

   The brunette sighed, blushing slightly. “Well, I got into a bit of an embarrassing situation with Changbin and slammed the door in his face.” Felix twisted the fabric of his jeans in his palms, looking anywhere around the dimly lit room but Chan’s face. “I ended up kicking him out of my house and ignoring his texts. I haven’t had any contact with him since then.” The gray-haired man appeared thoughtful, and extended a hand to point at Felix’s phone, which was resting on the table. “When was the last time he texted you?”

   “Um,” Felix unlocked his phone and scrolled through his texts until he found his conversation with Changbin. He noticed that the texts he sent earlier were left on read. “Last Thursday, he asked me to call him. I was still upset over how I reacted, but I meant to message him back. I think I got distracted though because Minho-hyung invited me to eat jajangmyeon with him.”

   “Come to think of it, Changbin’s been particularly hostile towards Minho in particular…”

   “Honestly, hyung, I don’t know why he’s upset with Minho. The only person I think he’d be upset with is me, and I deserve it. I was such an asshole to him.” Chan rubbed the younger boy’s shoulder, attempting to comfort him. “Could you tell me about what happened in specific? You know I won’t judge you.” Felix was hesitant, but ended up revealing everything about how he’d moaned when Changbin had accidently grabbed his ass, and how he was so mortified that he kicked him out and avoided him since. He was concerned because of how much he liked the older boy, and felt that he’d unintentionally messed everything up.

   The leader had an undecipherable expression on his face as he listened, not interrupting Felix once. He let the younger man vent his feelings, and hugged him upon noticing he was tearing up. “You know Changbin is whipped for you, right? Honestly, I bet he feels even worse than you do about putting you in such an uncomfortable position. Knowing him, he’s probably been blaming himself for the whole thing.”

   Felix sniffled, “He probably thinks I’m disgusting. I wouldn’t be surprised if he never wanted to talk to me again, I got all hormonal over him stopping himself from falling over by grabbing my ass; what’s wrong with me?”

   In that moment, Chan felt like he was dealing with an injured child. Felix’s emotional state was so fragile, and was terrified that he ruined his friendship with Changbin. He noticed a trio of girls secretly trying to take photos of Felix, and he glared at them until they scampered off somewhere into the arcade. “Felix, the first thing you need to do is talk to him. Not communicating with Changbin will only make the situation worse. I promise you that he misses you just as much as you miss him.”

   The younger boy pulled away from Chan’s embrace to blow his nose with a discarded napkin before wrapping himself back around him like a koala. “Really?”

  Chan smiled softly, “Really. Go visit him right now, he’s probably still at the studio.” Felix wiped his tear stained cheeks, and stood up from the bar stool quickly. “Ok, I’m gonna go now; thanks, hyung!” Just as he had began to jog toward the exit, Chan called over to him to stop him.

   “You’re probably gonna need these,” The gray haired man tossed Felix a set of keys, “A certain Mr. Antisocial has been locking everyone out of the studio for the past few days.” Felix thanked Chan again, and left the arcade. He spent some money on an Uber to get to JYP faster, contemplating how he’d apologize to Changbin and explain his actions. ‘Should I start off by letting him talk first? Or maybe I should just apologize right away and tell him why I kicked him out.’ He practically ran to the elevator in the pristine lobby, nervous yet excited to see his favorite hyung.

   While in the elevator, he ran into Day6, who were headed to record their newest installment of Every Day6. Felix chatted with them until he arrived at the floor housing Changbin’s studio. Walking down the long hallway to the last door on the left felt like he was marching to his execution. Felix wanted to throw up from his nerves, but missed his hyung desperately. The brunette could see the light on inside the studio through the frosted window on the door, and could faintly hear a track being mixed.

    Quietly, Felix inserted Chan’s key into the lock, slowly unlocking the door so he wouldn’t be noticed right away. He took a deep breath, turned the handle, and stepped inside…

Chapter Text

    “Ugh!” Changbin ripped his headphones off his head, slamming them down to the table. He’d been stuck on a particular beat in the song he was composing, and it was driving him insane. There was just one part of the bridge that sounded sloppy, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t fix it to his liking. Another thing that wasn’t helping him was the text he’d gotten from Felix earlier that day. His heart ached when he read it, longing to reach out to the other boy. However, his pride wouldn’t let him forgive and forget so easily. Changbin was hurt from Felix kicking him out of his house, and seeing him so happy that same day with Minho just made his blood boil.
 

    Feeling like he was in a state of gridlock, Changbin closed out of the mixing window and pulled up the lyrics he’d began to come up with. The more he reread them, the more the rapper hated what he wrote. He sneered at his reflection in the desktop’s screen, highlighting everything and quickly pressing delete. ‘Pathetic.’ Changbin felt lost. Creating iconic lyrics and memorable songs came easy to him, but in that moment, it was like he was pulling teeth to write a single verse. He picked his legs up slightly and kicked the wall to push him away from his desk, but used too much force and sent himself toppling to the ground from his chair.
 

    He landed on his arm hard, sending shooting pain up from his wrist to elbow. Changbin yelped in pain, quickly assessing the damage after moving into a seated position. Luckily, his arm seemed fine except for a bruise that was beginning to bloom on his forearm. As the rapper tried to massage the sore muscles, he heard the studio’s door open with an audible click.
 

    “H-hyung?” Felix leaned halfway into the room, looking nervous. Changbin watched as his face quickly morphed into one of concern as he took in Changbin’s position on the floor and the toppled chair, and raced inside to the other boy. “What happened, are you ok? I heard a loud bang.”
 

    Changbin stared blankly at the boy, contemplating how to respond. Seeing Felix right here in front of him made him happy, but his envy and anger interfered, causing Changbin to sharply respond. “What are you doing here?” Felix seemed taken aback, “I missed you, hyung, and I wanted to apologize for my…” The brunette cut himself off, thinking out loud in English. “How do you say ‘behavior’ in Korean?” He shook his head as if to clear his thoughts, puzzling Changbin. “I wanted to apologize for my actions the other day. I got embarrassed and was really rude for no reason.”
 

    The older rapper sat silently on the faded carpet, listening to Felix ramble as he shifted his weight back and forth. “Honestly, I’m really just an idiot sometimes and that was one of those moments. Ever since that day I can’t stop thinking about it and it’s driving me crazy. Hyung, when it comes expressing my feelings I’m not the greatest, but I really like you and-“
 

    “Oh, cut the bullshit and go cuddle up to your favorite hyung, Minho.” Changbin spat, practically spewing venom. The more he listened to Felix ramble on about how he missed him and “liked him”, the more his anger began to boil over. Felix looked stunned by the sudden onslaught of Changbin’s anger, causing him to stutter. “M-minho-hyung? What about him, what are you talking about?”
 

    The older rapper’s tight grip on his own sweater sleeves was beginning to leave him white-knuckled, and he jumped up to his feet to grab a fistful of Felix’s shirt. “Do you seriously think I don’t know?” Changbin snarled, shaking the younger boy slightly.”I saw how you and Minho-hyung went out on a date just after you kicked me out of your house! I was so worried about you, yet you blew me off to go for an expensive dinner; do I really mean that little to you?”
 

    Changbin was breathing heavily from yelling so loud. He was well aware of how brutal he was being, but he couldn’t care less at that moment. He was on autopilot, and his anger came tumbling out of him at top speed.
 
   

    “I felt like shit that day! I’d hurt you on accident, and I couldn’t even get in touch with you to make sure you were ok. All I wanted was for you to answer my texts or even give me a call and forgive my apology. But, then I saw you having the time of your life on a date with Minho?”
 

    “Hyung, I-“ The brunette’s eyes were beginning to tear up at the corners, glistening in the studio’s dim light.
 
 

    “No, Felix, don’t cut me off! I couldn’t believe what I saw, and I didn’t want to believe it either. You’d been a mess when you kicked me out but were so happy in Minho’s company. I felt so conflicted because of how much I care for you but seeing you smiling at Minho-hyung like that made me want to throw up.”
 

    The Australian boy was crying at this point, wiping away his tears with the oversized sleeves of his sweater. His heart was breaking as he listened to Changbin, and despite the older boy’s anger, he could clearly hear the anguish and sadness in his voice. At some point, Changbin had stopped talking, and kept his eyes trained on the floor. “Felix, I just don’t understand how you could toy around with my feelings like that, I thought I meant something to you. I just wonder why I wasn’t enough…”
 

    Knowing he had to take action, Felix blinked away the remaining tears from his eyes and yanked the shorter boy’s hands off his collar and grasped them in his own palms. “Changbinnie-hyung, I’m not dating Minho-hyung! I also didn’t intentionally ignore you, either. Minho-hyung treated me to dinner and I ended up ranting to him the whole time about how much of an ass I was to you.”
 

    As Felix explained, Changbin could feel his anger gradually disappating. He listened quietly, nodding every so often as he tried to process what he was hearing. ‘So I was wrong this whole time? Damn, I’m such a jerk.’  Changbin himself was beginning to tear up. “Hyung, I want you to listen to me for a second.” Interested, the older boy raised his head to look at the other boy. “I’m terrified to say this because I don’t wanna wreck my friendship with you if you don’t feel the same…but I’ve decided at least if I get rejected that I tried.”
 

    Taking a deep breath, Felix tightened his grip on Changbin’s hands, “I like you a lot, hyung. I like like you. I just wanna have you pay attention to me and cuddle with you and stuff and you know…” He trailed off, embarrassed. There was nothing to hide anymore. He finally revealed how he felt to Changbin, the boy he had a crush on since he started training at JYP.
 
     

    Much to his surprise, Changbin yanked him closer and kissed him, a river of tears streaming down his face. It was chaste, but filled with the feelings they’d kept hidden from each other all this time.  Felix took a moment to respond, frozen from his initial shock, but wrapped the shorter boy in his arms tightly as he returned the kiss. Changbin’s fluffy black hair brushed against Felix’s forehead, tickling him slightly. His lips brushed gently along the older rapper’s, innocently slow and soft. The world seemed to float away as they kissed, comforting him in a way words never could. Changbin raised his freed hands up to Felix’s face, gently caressing the skin along his jaw.
 
 

    “Felix…”, Changbin whispered, pulling back just enough that Felix could still feel his warm puffs of breath against his face. His heart thundered against his chest, and he felt a smile bloom across his teeth. The feeling between them was mutual, and Changbin hadn’t fucked it all up by being an asshole over a misunderstanding.
 
 

    “Am I dreaming?” Felix wondered out loud, staring into space for a moment.
“Oh my god, no, you idiot.” Changbin playfully swatted at the Australian’s shoulder, slightly out of breath despite the tameness of the kiss. Finally getting his feelings off his chest had meant all the difference to the two of them. Felix laughed, and the two boys stared in silence at one another for a few moments. Shyly, Felix pursed his spit-slick lips and looked down at the hardwood floor, “D-does this mean we’re dating now?”

 
    “Absolutely, jjix.”
 
---
 

    “Someone’s looking noticeably better today.” Chan commented from across the dance studio, observing Changbin as he stretched. It had been a day since Felix and Changbin had officially became boyfriends; the 7 Stray Kids members had been given a day off for once, and Changbin spent it cuddled up watching a movie with a certain Australian rapper.

 
    “Ooh, could it be that our Changbinnie, prince of darkness, has finally become a confident gay?” Hyunjin crowed, wiping his sweaty forehead with one of the towels left for them by their manager. Now that their rare day off had ended, it was back to the daily grind of practice as they anxiously awaited a new mission from JYP. During his time with Felix yesterday, Changbin was once again reminded that Felix was no longer a potential member for Stray Kids due to JYP’s cruel judging. He saw all of the Korean textbooks that Felix had amassed littered around his usually immaculate home, showing just how bad the younger boy wanted to develop his fluency in Korean.
 

    The additional practice that Felix had been doing as a daily ritual really showed, based on his increased vocabulary and minimal grammar mistakes. He really missed having Felix around in practice, and he could tell that the other Stray Kids members felt the same. Changbin decided that after practice concluded, he’d march over to JYP’s office and try to convince him to give Felix another chance.

 
    “Shut up, Hyunjin.” Changbin laughed, his voice not coming out nearly half as angry as he wanted. He tossed an empty water bottle at the dancer’s head, and accidently hit Jeongin instead. Jisung erupted into laughter, “Rap line on top! So much for the evil maknae in the making.” The maknae pouted and stuck his tongue out, retreating into the hallway to get a snack from the vending machine. Seungmin and Woojin had just returned from a bathroom break, chattering about some of the comments their fans had been making on twitter. The majority were still enraged over Felix’s elimination, and there were even people starting petitions to get him and Minho back. Changbin smiled to himself, overjoyed to know that the fans still cared about his boyfriend and Minho.
 

    Changbin was no longer mad at Minho, either. He’d met up with the older boy that morning before practice, apologizing for unnecessarily being rude about something as little as a misunderstanding. The dancer was on his way to see a movie with some trainees from a different agency, so he told Changbin they’d finish talking about it later. He was glad, he’d missed Minho blowing up his Kakao-Talk with memes during the time he was mad at him.  
 

    Practice went relatively quickly; the Stray Kids members practiced Hellevator and YaYaYa enough for their legs to feel like they’d fall off. The members gradually dispersed to head back to the dorm or go grocery shopping. On the other hand, Changbin headed straight for JYP’s office, determined to get his boyfriend and Minho another chance.

 
    The elevator ride was silent, and he idly played Candy Crush on his phone while he waited to arrive at the penthouse. Changbin was hoping he’d be able to talk some sense into JYP; he’d even taken a few screenshots of the fans’ petition and their comments across different social media such as twitter, facebook, and Instagram. When he arrived in front of JYP’s massive cherrywood office door, Changbin felt that JYP had known he was coming based on his expression. The short rapper bowed respectfully, introducing himself as custom even though he knew JYP was familiar with him due to the reality show.
 

    “Hello, JYP-nim. I’m Seo Changbin, one of the potential members from Stray Kids. I came today to make a request, and even be a little selfish so I hope you can excuse me for this.” He paused, carefully observing JYP’s unreadable expression. ‘It’s now or never…’ Changbin took a deep breath,”I wanted to ask you-“

 
--

 
    At the same time back at the dorm, Chan and Minho were holed up in the living room munching on some banned snacks. The other Stray Kids members were out clothes shopping or continuing to practice, so the two boys had the dorm to themselves. The leader had invited the younger boy over to hear more details about his and Changbin’s breif squabble. Chan tried to hide it as much as possible, but he was a sucker for juicy gossip, especially when it concerned his beloved members.

    “Basically, remember how I took Felix out for jajangmyeon that one night last week?” Chan nodded, shoveling a handful of Banana Kick pieces into his mouth. “We weren’t alone when we went there, kind of. We had just been eating and I noticed Felix had tried to stuff himself into one of Changbin’s hoodies, which was funny as hell to look at. Poor kid looked like he was suffocating in it,in addition to exposing a nice sliver of abs.”

 
    “You’re such a hoe, Minho.” Chan chuckled, the younger boy never failed to show off the little things he noticed about the other member’s bodies. “Damn straight, I am. I’m a proud hoe, at that. Just change my name to Minhoe, I’m waiting.”

 
    “Wait, Felix was wearing Changbin’s hoodie? Not the other way around?”

 
    “Yes, you colossal dumbass,” The dancer smacked Chan’s thigh lightly, using the opportunity to steal a sip of Chan’s Americano. “I just said that.” The gray-haired leader pouted, and Minho eventually handed the drink back after taking two more sips. “Felix vented to me about the whole ‘Wow, I am hella gay for you, my dude, and my hormonal ass made me moan when you accidentally grabbed my ass, whoops.’ Situation. He was convinced he fucked up their friendship and as a result, would never have a shot at a relationship with him either. I convinced him how whipped Binnie is for him; Changbin practically drools whenever Felix is even in the room. Then, I told Felix to reach out to Changbin.”
 

    Chan cleared his throat, leaning forward slightly. He’d ran out of the Americano by casually sipping it as Minho spoke, but wanted to hear the heart of the conversation. “Ok, but that still doesn’t explain why Changbin was practically spitting fire whenever anyone breathed your name for a week.”
 

    Minho smiled slightly with closed lips, raising an eyebrow. “Oh, that?” Let’s just say I might’ve noticed a certain lovesick rapper outside the restaurant window and decided to give his feelings for Felix a little push.” Chan tapped his feet on the ground quickly, a telltale sign of his eagerness to hear more of what happened between his three members. “Come on, Minho. What’d you do?” The anticipation was killing him; he felt like he’d burst if the dancer didn’t tell him what’d happened.

 
    “I fed Felix from my chopsticks while doing that baby choo-choo train thing and wiped some sauce he had stuck on his cheek. And…” He trailed off, watching Chan’s eyes widen.

 
    “I…”

 
    “Might…”

 
    “Have…”
 
   

    Chan was leaning so close at this point that he’d practically fallen on the younger boy’s lap. “Tell me!” Minho smirked, “I might have seductively licked the sauce off my finger while Changbin was watching.”

 
    The gray haired leader screeched, slapping Minho’s thigh again. “No way, you didn’t!” Minho laughed through the slight pain, getting a kick out of seeing his leader lose his shit over gossip. After both boys laughed so hard their lungs hurt, they began to settle down. “Wanna play Super Smash Bros?” Chan asked, wincing slightly since his cheeks hurt too much to smile. “Game on, bitch.”
 

--
 

    A few days had passed since Changbin visited JYP toplead for Felix and Minho to return to Stray Kids, and during that time he’d been able to tell all the members about how JYP had shot his request down. All the members were bitter over it, and it left a foul aura in the air as they’d arrived at the practice room to prepare to film the next episode of Stray Kids. The members stretched quietly as the camera crew set up around them. Chan had briefed everyone that the episode they’d be filming is set to be the last one, which meant their slim hope of debuting as 9 was gone.

 
    Of course, they were all startled when JYP waltzed in with Felix and Minho in tow. “Before I make my final decision, I’d like to see a performance by all 9 of you. For the final showcase, you will prepare three stages with 7 members and three stages with all 9. The audience and myself will vote on which will be the final lineup of Stray Kids.”  The room’s energy had increased tenfold with the arrival of the two eliminated members, and everyone was grinning from ear to ear. As soon as JYP and the camera crew had left the room, Changbin ran at Felix and tackled him in a hug.
 

    Felix fell to the ground, smothered by Changbin. The older boy was slightly tearing up, wrapping Felix tightly in his arms. Changbin was so elated in that moment; his boyfriend was getting a second chance! He pinched himself, hearing the celebration going on around him as the other members whooped with joy and embraced Minho happily.

    Changbin looked up as Felix smiled, the brunette’s eyes crinkling into small crescent moons. He didn’t know if he wanted to shove his blushing face back into the Australian’s warm chest or kiss him, but he was so overwhelmed by having Felix back that he chose the latter. As soon as their lips touched, Changbin finally felt like he was at home. It was electric in the way that words weren’t, making up for all the feelings left unsaid.

    “That’s gaaaaayyy.” Jeongin called with a laugh, hidden somewhere from view in Minho’s arms.

    The room erupted in laughter; the whole team was finally back together. Chan looked over the two boys kissing in front of him like a proud father, overjoyed to see everything had turned out ok.

    Changbin and Felix eventually untangled themselves from one another, choosing to partake in a group hug instead. “The gang’s all here...” Felix whispered softly in English, grinning.

Chapter Text

  The backstage area was loud; Hyunjin sat in a corner while practicing his rap around a pen that he held in his mouth, Jisung and Seungmin were stretching, Woojin was doing a scale in falsetto…to summarize, it was chaos. Felix’s hands were so clammy that they were practically dripping with sweat. The day where they’d finally know the final lineup of Stray Kids was here, and he was terrified. The brunette bounced his foot anxiously as he caught sight of Minho, who looked like he was going to vomit, being escorted to the bathroom by a security guard. In order to distract himself, Felix decided to go find Chan and talk to the older boy.

  Each hallway he passed through was eerily silent, so he walked faster as the butterflies in his stomach became more apparent with each step. Eventually, he reached their dressing room. Felix opened the door slowly, and was greeted with Chan tapping out the beat of Grrr with his foot and singing, “나의 상태 말투 행동 이러면 안 된단 걸 알아도 모두 반대가 돼” One stylist smothered his growing mullet in hairspray while another blended his lightly smoky eyeshadow.

  “Hyung...” Felix called out, a bit uncertainly when Chan had stopped singing. The older boy caught Felix’s wavering gaze from his reflection in the mirror, and spun his chair around to face him after thanking the stylists. He started speaking in English while the stylists finished straightening up the vanity to keep their conversation more private. “Are you nervous, Felix?”

  “Honestly, hyung, I’m terrified. I’m excited, but at the same time I’m so tense I feel like I could explode.” The gray haired boy crossed his arms, mimicking Felix’s body language as he gestured for the younger to take a seat next to him. “Being nervous or scared is perfectly normal. You’ve trained so hard that it’s only natural.” A frown still permeated Felix’s small mouth, so Chan reached over and idly patted his knee. “What are you so afraid of?”

  Felix anxiously chewed on his bottom lip, and he hid his face in his hands. “I-It’s just that the chance of debuting with you all is here, and I don’t wanna blow it again because I’ve-“ Felix choked up, “I’m not gonna get a third chance and it’s either I go out there and rock JYP’s socks off or I lose you all...not again.” It was almost as if Chan knew how Felix’s thoughts were submerged within insecurity after having been eliminated once. He’d quietly grabbed the younger boy’s hand and grasped it tightly within his own.

  “Felix, don’t you remember what I told you last time? I’m never going to leave you behind. I’m gonna protect Stray Kids, right?” The leader paused, waiting for the younger boy to finish quoting him, “...do it for the squad, do it for the team.”

  Chan’s eyes crinkled together as he smiled, “You don’t have to worry, all the late nights and early mornings of practice will surely pay off.” 

  The brunette reached for a tissue on the vanity and blew his nose, tossing it into the trash can. “Sometimes, we have to break before we can shine, and you’re about to be the biggest star on that stage. Felix, go out there and show everyone who you really are.” 

  Behind the two seated boys, the door swung open and Jisung’s head popped into the crack. “Guys? We’re on in 5 minutes.” The rapper instantly noticed the smile that was spread across Felix’s face, and shut the door softly before flashing a thumbs up and walking away. It had been no secret amongst the members that Felix had been really anxious over their final mission, and he was glad to see that his conversation with Chan had restored some of his confidence.

  Chan patted Felix’s thigh affectionately, and they walked hand in hand back to the others. Seungmin was adjusting Jeongin’s bandana for him, and Woojin had been attaching the final wires on his mic. The roar of the crowd waiting for them was deafening. It had seemed like it’d only been yesterday that they’d faced off against the female trainees at the trainee showcase, and now they were about to execute their final mission to decide their debut lineup. Hyunjin, ever the diva, was replicating a vocal warm-up he’d seen in a movie that all 9 boys had watched the previous night.

  Their leader had suggested a team movie night to raise everyone’s morals, leading Minho to rally with Jisung and Seungmin to convince the other boys to watch ‘High School Musical’. To summarize, everyone decided that Hyunjin was the male equivalent of Sharpay Evans, and he’d accepted the title with open arms. The rapper even used a few of her quotes when they’d all been gathered in the dressing room to ease the tension, and was now emulating her vocal warm-up. The vivid memories brought a smile to Felix’s face despite the pressure he was under.

  Next to him, the gray haired boy checked his watch. It was a bright, lime green with a dark brown leather strap that matched his green satin shirt well. Chan called the other members into a group huddle around him. “We’ve got about 2 minutes until the broadcast starts, but before all of that I want to take a minute and talk with you guys.” Chan stopped to clear his throat, and Changbin took the opportunity to squeeze between Woojin to be next to Felix, subtly wrapping an arm around his waist.

     “It may be late and I know you’re all exhausted from how much practice we’ve been putting in to show the best sides of ourselves. However, we had a nice dinner and it’s a good thing we didn’t save room for dessert because we’re about to serve it to that crowd out there. They came to see us, and we’ve all worked too damn hard not to own that stage as 9.” He paused, taking survey of everyone’s determined faces.

  “Today is what we’ve been waiting for, the reason we’ve been busting our asses off all these years. The strength of a team is the strength of each member, and the strength of each member is the team. Whatever happens out there, I want you guys to know that I’ve been so honored to have the privilege of working with all of you amazing, talented men. Thank you for having me as your leader.”

  Felix stole a quick glance beside him at Changbin, who appeared to be emotionally tearing up. Someone sniffled, and Minho concealed his quivering lip with one of his sleeves. “Let’s go out there and perform the best stages we can.” Chan put his hand in the center of their circle, and everyone else followed suit. “Step out! Stray Kids, fighting!”

  Everyone cheered, huddling together for a group hug. The MC’s deep voice echoed loudly, calling for the 7 membered Stray Kids to come be introduced to the fans. “Good luck! Go wild, guys!” Minho and Felix cheered, turning to head back to the green room to monitor their members.

  “Felix, wait!” Changbin grabbed his wrist, gently yanking him back toward him as the other members began to walk onto the stage. “Anything can happen, so when you go out there make sure you show JYP who you really are. Make him regret eliminating you from this team and prove to him how wrong he was.” Before Felix could respond, the shorter rapper elevated himself onto his tiptoes and smashed their lips together. The feeling of Changbin’s lips on his took Felix’s breath away, and he would’ve done anything to continue it for a bit longer.

  Just as fast as Changbin had initiated the kiss, he pulled back away from Felix. The brunette’s mouth hung agape in shock. “I’ll be waiting~” The older boy winked, and scampered off just as Jisung, who’d taken up the rear of the group of 7, entered the stage. The Australian rapper remained frozen in a stupor, trying to process what had just happened. Someone whistled behind him, instantly snapping Felix out of his daze.

  “Now, that was some motivation, huh? Changbin sure went for the kill.” Minho smirked, making kissy faces at Felix as he approached. Felix blushed, swatting at Minho’s shoulder in his embarrassment. “Shut up, hyung.”

  ~~

  The 7 member stages of “YaYaYa” and “Young Wings” went by quickly, and JYP praised every member. He complimented the choreography and lyrics of each song in addition to their composition. Much to Chan’s relief, Hyunjin and Seungmin were given additional praise for overcoming JYP’s previous critics.

  Changbin tapped his foot against the stage’s floor anxiously; it was finally time for Felix and Minho to join them for the remaining 3 songs. In all honesty, he shouldn’t have been anxious. Chan had been relentless making sure all 8 boys practiced the choreography and lyrics so much that they could sing and dance in their sleep. He’d even heard Felix growling out the lyrics to “Grrr” while he took a nap in the van that morning. Minho had also been practicing rigorously, and had been coming to the studio an hour or two before everyone else every day.

  In his peripheral vision, he caught sight of Jeongin gesturing with his head towards the stage doors, which opened to reveal Felix and Minho coming to join them. A proud smile bloomed across Changbin’s face as he took in how confident his boyfriend looked. Felix seemed to be glowing, but Changbin was sure it was just the stage’s lighting playing tricks on him. ‘Damn, red sure is his color…’

  The fans roared in excitement, and all 9 members couldn’t keep their happy smiles off their faces as they introduced themselves again with their greeting. “Hello, we’re Stray Kids!” Everyone could notice the instantaneous change in the atmosphere; even the MC pointed out how much louder the cheers rose once all 9 members were together on stage.

  Changbin felt like he was moving on autopilot during their “Hellevator” stage. All the practice he’d been doing was paying off. His mind was crystal clear, spitting fire during his rap verses and executing powerful dance moves. The energy of all 9 members performing together was back, igniting their fans. No one missed a beat; it was one of their best performances yet.

  Felix and Minho were perfect, and JYP had nothing but praise for the two of them. Sweat poured down Changbin’s forehead as he listened to JYP compliment the Australian on his improved Korean, and he quickly swiped the backside of his palm against his brow. “Minho, you’re like a different person. You used to be so nervous on stage and now you’re overflowing with confidence. You really showed who you are.” The dancer bowed respectfully, bouncing slightly on his tiptoes in joy.

  Suddenly, the MC’s voice cut in, announcing that the mid-way results of the audiences’ preference for a 7 or 9 membered Stray Kids would be revealed. “Do the viewers want 7 or 9? The current text results reveal…” Felix gulped, his mask of complete confidence was slipping slightly in fear. If the audience already preferred 7 members after only 1 stage with all 9 of them, how would he be able to change their minds? Mentally preparing himself for a revelation that the audience preferred the 7 members, he closed his eyes and looked down at the floor.

  “It’s 96% to 4% for 9 membered Stray Kids!”

  Felix immediately sought out Changbin by leaning forward slightly and looking for him down the line of members, who winked at him and mouthed “I told you so.” JYP admitted to being surprised by how strongly the audience desired 9-membered Stray Kids, and said that he’d take their opinions into consideration following the remaining two songs when making his decision. Seungmin introduced their next performance, which was a 9 membered version of “School Life.”

  “Contrary to our image in Hellevator, we’ve prepared a 9 membered version of School Life to show you our brightness. Please expect a lot. Thank you!” The audience were shown a couple clips of the members trying out some reality, and a few short videos of skin-ship while they changed into school uniforms backstage.  

  Soon enough, it was time for “Grrr: Law of Total Madness”. As soon as the song started, it was like someone doused a fire in gasoline. The audience went wild, screaming like children in a candy store. While they performed, they were occasionally able to catch sight of JYP’s impressed expression.

  Chan pulled the members together, linking each other together by holding hands as JYP discussed their music. Felix exhaled loudly, feeling like he was going to overheat. Performing as hard as he did left him feeling a little drained, but the Australian boy had never felt more alive. He’d performed as well as he could’ve hoped. A small squeeze of his hand toward the left grabbed his attention, and he was met with Changbin’s smiling gaze. He flashed the older a quick smile before facing JYP again.

  “During this program, Chan, Changbin, and Jisung have written a lot of songs. They wrote the lyrics and melodies, and Chan created the tracks. The level you make music at is really good. Young Wings and Grr: Law of Total Madness are the best tracks in my opinion. It was great that you showcased your own experiences, and the choreography, melody, and stage composition are all very sophisticated.” The gray haired leader bowed, blushing a little from all the praise.

  “In addition, the two members who were eliminated and came back, you guys had a flawless performance during Hellevator. You’re definitely a lot better than you were in the past.” Felix felt like he was on top of the world. “However, the other two songs showed me that you’re clearly still lacking.”

  The Australian felt his stomach lurch. “You still don’t seem to show your full potential on stage. You can dance better than what you showed.” He dipped his head, both acknowledging and rejecting JYP’s critic at the same time. ‘How was all the work I put in still not enough?’ Unbeknownst to the other 8 members, Felix hadn’t slept at all in the past twodays. He’d been practicing nonstop, and never left the building until that morning. It was easy for him to hide that from the other members since JYP had kicked him out of the dorm after he was eliminated, and he’d simply had to insist on staying for “only one more hour” to practice on his own.  

  Felix had a feeling that Changbin knew, judging by the worried glances he kept shooting him that morning until he agreed to take a nap in the car on their way to the venue. He felt much more refreshed afterward, and was really thankful for his boyfriend’s nagging or he felt like the shock of JYP’s revelation would’ve made him pass out on stage. The confidence he had before evaporated into thin air as the MC cruelly requested for Minho and him to share their thoughts, as it would be their final stage if they weren’t accepted into the final lineup.

  “Being able to practice as 9 again after so long was nice. We have great synergy together.” Felix could clearly hear the wavering fear in Minho’s voice as the older boy spoke. “I really hope we can continue on as 9…” The dancer seemed to choke up, quickly passing the mic to Felix. He cleared his throat and glanced over his member’s faces as he spoke, not allowing his inner turmoil to enter his voice. “We started as 9 in the beginning, and I think we can show a better side and an overall better image with 9 members. I want to debut as 9.”

  The brunette felt helpless, standing amongst his members while the audience in front of him helped to decide his future. Thinking about today had cost him many sleepless nights. He’d tossed and turned in his bed, unable to be comfortable and ended up laying there in silence. He didn’t seek the comfort he so desperately desired from Changbin, as he didn’t want to make the older boy worry when he already had so much on his plate. For better or worse, it was time to hear the final results.  

  JYP’s facial expression was unreadable as his took a long swig of Coca-Cola at his desk, which was situated across from the stage in front of the audience. He quietly scribbled some notes in his notebook, which sounded extremely loud since the audience was dead silent. Felix could feel his heartbeat in his ears as his pulse quickened in fear of the unknown.

  “The audience’s votes are 96% to 4% in support of a 9 membered Stray Kids. The middle and end voting show a huge preference towards 9 members. JYP-nim, what do you think?”

  “I can see the audience’s strong opinion. I’ll keep it in mind.” JYP seemed thoughtful, which allowed for a tiny flicker of hope to bloom in Felix’s heart. All he wanted was to debut with the other boys; having his dream ripped away from him again would crush him. Life wasn’t that cruel, right? Chan flashed Minho and Felix hopeful glances, but the Australian could see the thinly concealed worry in his leader’s eyes. Just like him, Chan was scared. There was no way to tell what JYP was thinking, and there would be no second chance after this. The MC separated the 7 members from Minho and Felix, and had both eliminated members stand on a white pedestal.

  Felix couldn’t look JYP or the other members in the eye. He cast his eyes downwards and stared so hard at his feet he thought he might bore a hole into them. “The eliminated members have improved, but are still lacking when compared to the other members,” The brunette rapper could already feel himself begin to tear up, and he sniffled. This was it, his life was over. “There was instability, but the difference in your expressions and energy when all 9 are together is clear.”

  Next to him, Minho seemed lifeless. Despite all the teasing earlier, Felix knew his hyung was terrified. The older dancer seemed to just accept the fact that they wouldn’t debut with the others, it was almost as if he’d seen it coming all along. Felix silently reached over and laced his fingers with Minho’s. He took a deep breath-

  “Congratulations, Stray Kids will have all 9 members.”  

  Felix’s jaw dropped. Was he dreaming? Minho started screaming, jumping up and down and tackled him into a hug. Felix nearly fell to the ground as the realization that he was going to debut with everyone finally hit him. The other members cheered, running over and engulfing them in a group hug as all their pent up emotions were finally set loose. Jisung squealed, smacking both boys on the back in his joy. Felix ran to Chan, smothering him in his arms. “Thank you, hyung.” He murmured into the older Australian’s chest, who responded by gently patting his head.

  He separated for Chan to seek out his boyfriend, who practically ran into him. Changbin was flushed and out of breath, he’d been the loudest once their final lineup was announced. Felix had never heard the older boy’s voice reach such a high pitch before.

  Changbin wrapped his arms around Felix’s neck and yanked him lower to be close enough to his face that the brunette could feel Changbin’s warm breath against his cheek. Tears of joy ran down his boyfriend’s face, “I fucking love you, Felix.” All of a sudden, Changbin was kissing him. One of his hands bent Felix’s head back slightly, deepening the kiss. It stole his breath away; a tidal wave consuming his fleeting thoughts. The space around them seemed to evaporate, allowing both boys to fully take in the feeling of kissing each other right after achieving their dream.

  Running out of air, Felix was forced to pull away to catch his breath. Kissing Changbin had made him dizzy, but he loved the feeling of it. “I love you too, hyung.” He had begun to cry as well, overwhelmed in emotion. “I can’t believe it.” The Australian said between hiccupped sobs of happiness, “We did it, it’s finally over.”

  “What are you talking about?” Changbin chuckled, pressing his forehead against Felix’s and wrapping his arms around his waist. “Our career’s only just begun.”