Archive of Our Own ^beta

Maggie Sawyer is lucky, that much she knows.

A summer breeze blows gently against her skin and her duffel is heavy on her back as she walks down the familiar cul de sac she last saw a lifetime ago. Children in the street stop and stare as she walks past, and she doesn’t blame them. She wasn’t the same woman who left Nebraska eight years ago, with nothing but determination and the desire to serve her country. Maggie walks with more purpose than before, her head held high despite the reputation she knows she holds. She walks with a straight back, always alert and ready, as though the danger from Iraq followed her all the way back to her hometown.

She walks down the middle of the road -- knowing that very few cars drive through a small Nebraskan town -- and she thinks that maybe this was a mistake, maybe she should be back in Iraq doing the only thing she knows how to do: fight and shoot and fight some more. And then she remembers they don’t want her anymore, her joints aged and her reflexes not quite what they used to be. Her body’s been battered, and her mind even more so, and the honorable discharge she got feels like it’s anything but. Maggie feels her chest get tight at the thought of returning home a stranger, of having to face her lack of future plans.

She hears a loud bark before she sees Zeus, and it immediately calms her anxiety. She smiles widely as a german shepherd bounds towards her and she drops to one knee to greet her old friend, her soulmate, the only man she’ll ever love.

“Hey buddy,” Maggie says as the dog whines happily, his tail wagging at maximum speed. “Oh, Zeus, I’ve missed you.”

As the dog settles in her lap, Maggie looks up at the house in front of her. It hasn’t changed in the almost-fifteen years she’s called it home, and yet…. and yet. She spots two young boys in the driveway, staring at her curiously. Even from a distance, she can see how much they look like her aunt - long gangly limbs, curly brown hair, and their dark skin even darker than usual from long summer days spent outside. She raises a hand in greeting.

“Hi boys,” she calls, and her two young cousins quickly retreat into the house. She sighs, disappointment coursing through her. It’s Maggie’s own fault that the boys barely know her, she’s aware of that. Enzo had been a year old when Maggie first enrolled in the army, and save for a few months between stints, she’s been gone for Nicky’s whole life.  

“At least you still love me, Zeus,” Maggie says to the dog, who lies in her lap, completely content.

“You couldn’t pick up a phone? Call and tell me you were coming home?” Maggie’s Aunt Issy stands on the porch, drying her hands on a dishtowel. Maggie feels her heart swell with affection, and for the first time in a long time, she realises just how much she’s missed her aunt. Smiling, Maggie stands up and strides towards the house. She drops her pack by her aunt’s feet with a thud, Zeus staying very close behind.

Issy puts her hands on Maggie’s shoulders, and takes a good look at her. Up close, Maggie can see how her aunt has aged: creases in the corners of her eyes, and her dark brown hair is peppered with gray strands. There’s a weariness in Issy’s shoulders and a sadness in her eyes when she looks at her. Maggie knows her aunt is looking for the same signs in her, age and sadness and wisdom she wishes she didn’t possess. She can’t help but feel responsible for the worries in her aunt’s life, though it’s a guilt she learned to live with long ago.

Finally, when Maggie passes inspection, Issy wraps her arms around her, hugging her as tightly as she can. She can hear feel Issy’s heart beating against her, feel the shudder of her breath, and she realises a little too late that her aunt is crying.

“I’m okay, tia,” Maggie whispers, tears pricking her own eyes. “I’m home now. I’m home.”

“For good?” Issy asks.

Maggie hesitates. “Of course.”

Issy finally lets go of Maggie, wiping her tears and giving her a watery smile.

“Come inside,” Issy says, “I’ll fix you a nice big dinner and you can talk to the boys. They’ve missed you.”

Maggie doubts they even knew her name, but she picks up her bag and nods.

“I’m starving,” Maggie lies, and Issy goes back into the house. Maggie remains on the porch for a few more moments, watching as the sun sets beyond the horizon. She takes a deep breath, and reminds herself that this is her family and her dog and her home, and she should feel happy to be here.

But right now, all she feels is the picture burning a hole in her back pocket, and the feeling that she has somewhere else she needs to be.

///

Maggie’s heart races, the way it always does before a night raid. Out of habit, she counts her men, making sure they’re all there. When it’s over, she’ll do the same, and hopefully the number won’t diminish.

Sometimes, on the worst nights, she ends up with less than her starting number.

She gets the go ahead, and her and her soldiers burst into a house, amid terrified screams and bullish shouts. She can only see in hues of green, her night vision goggles tightly against her face.

They make their way through, clearing room after room, counting each civilian, taking out any hostiles if necessary and following a tunnel that leads behind the house.

She hears more yells and almost opens fire on the group of people they come across.

And then she spots their US uniforms.

Pulling up her goggles, she sees a tall blonde leading the other platoon, clearly a sergeant.

“You good here?” the sergeant asks, and Maggie notes a large tattoo on their forearm, a sunset formed from minimalist lines. The sergeant turns to one of their soldiers. “Phone it in, bumping heads with third platoon.”

“On it, Sunny,” the soldier replies.

Maggie sighs with momentary relief. “It’s nice to see some familiar f--”

Before she can finish the sentence, shots ring out and the two platoons scramble to take cover.

“We have a man down!” Sunny calls into her radio over the wild cacophony of war. Sunny’s hunched over a soldier, trying desperately to stop the blood that pours from his wounds.

From the corner of her eye, as she shoots towards the ambushing enemies, Maggie watches as Sunny gets struck with several bullets, and slumps over the soldier.

She’s seen it enough to know what a lifeless body looks like.

And without a second thought for the fallen sergeant, she continues to fight for her life.

///

Maggie’s not sure she was built for civilian life.

She’s been home a couple of weeks and she thinks maybe this will be her life now, living with Issy and her family, helping out around the house and grocery shopping and trying not to jump at the smallest of sounds or flinch at the gunfire from Enzo’s video games.

Issy asks if maybe she wants to reconnect with her old high school friends, but the only friends Maggie can think about are the ones who made it home in a wooden box and the ones blown to pieces, with nothing left of them to even bury. She thinks of Vasquez and Beckett and Jones and her heart feels heavy with grief, her soul heavy with guilt.

Most nights, Maggie lies awake in bed and remembers how it was to lie in the Jeep wreckage for what felt like an eternity. Legs pinned, head bleeding, tears hot and angry. She remembers calling Vasquez’s name over and over again. Answer me, Vasquez. C’mon, Susan. She remembers calling out until her voice went hoarse even though she knew Vasquez was never going to answer her back.    

And in the early hours, Maggie sits at the kitchen table, finding sanctity in the silence that feels all too rare. In the early hours - when nobody else is awake - Maggie doesn’t have to listen to her nephews ask why she lives with them or why she’s so weird and quiet. She doesn’t have to listen to hushed conversations between Issy and her husband Ben about if it’s safe having her around the boys, wondering why she can’t find her own place and if the neighbours are talking about the return of Issy’s wayward lesbian niece. She doesn’t have to listen to Issy fight for her over and over again, in what Maggie can tell is a losing battle.

In the early hours, without the glares of her family weighing her down, Maggie can look for her guardian angel in the peace and quiet only dawn can bring.

Maggie stares at the picture in her hand, the one she’s already got committed to memory. There’s no way she could ever forget the cool smile of the woman in the picture, her shoulder length hair slightly rustled from a long forgotten wind. And her eyes - brown and crinkled and beautiful - her eyes held a universe of answers for Maggie’s infinite questions. The only clue that could lead Maggie to this woman  -- this angel -- was the lighthouse behind her. And so, Maggie had spent hours scouring the internet, looking for a lead.

And now she’s found one.

She holds the photo to the screen, seeing that the lighthouse is a perfect match to one near a small fishing town in Louisiana. Dread rises in Maggie’s chest alongside anticipation; she’s one step closer to finding her guardian angel.

“She’s pretty,” comes a voice from behind her, and Maggie doesn’t even turn around to acknowledge Issy. Instead, she flips the photo over and begins to search for directions to Louisiana.

“Who is she?” Issy asks.

“Nobody,” Maggie replies.

She’s everything , her heart says.

“You seem to be going to an awful lot of trouble for nobody,” Issy says, taking a seat opposite Maggie. “Let’s try again. Who is she?”

“Jesus, tia, she’s nobody!” Maggie says, her voice rising. “Stop treating me like a fucking little kid! Stop treating me like I’m about to break at a moment’s notice, stop treating me like I’m a freak!”

She doesn’t realise she’s standing until she’s towering over Issy, who stares back defiantly. She slowly sits back down, and only looks at her aunt when Issy closes her laptop, and covers Maggie’s hand with her own.

“Watching you this past month, mija, it’s been breaking my heart.”

“Tia-” Maggie tries to interrupt, softer this time.

“No,” Issy says. “It’s my time to talk. This is a huge adjustment, and it’s okay to be struggling. And it pains me that I can’t help you through it, because right now, it’s like looking at that little thirteen year old who got dropped on my doorstep, abandoned by her parents. You’re…. You look so lost, mija. And the Corp can help you, they can get you someone to talk to, a professional--”

“The Corp can’t help me, tia,” Maggie says softly.

“Then let me help you,” Issy pleads. “Tell me what to do. Mags, I would do anything for you. You call me tia, but in my heart you’re my daughter. And I don’t know how to help you.”

Maggie swipes at the hot tears that appear all too quickly. She squeezes her aunt’s hand.

“I can’t explain how I got home in one piece,” Maggie says. “I don’t know why I made it out, when so many didn’t. I lost my closest friend, and it’s not fair that I’m sitting here and she’s not and I don’t know why. The only thing I know is every time I should’ve died, she was there.” Maggie picks up the photo and gently passes it to her aunt. “I don’t know who she is, but I owe her my life and until I can return this photo and thank her… I need to find her.”

Issy sighs deeply. “Mags, you got home because you got lucky. Luck is a fickle thing. It wasn’t a photo or an angel, it was just… it was circumstance. I’ll support whatever you decide to do, but I really don’t think stalking a stranger is the way to go about this. Do you hear me?”

“I hear you. I love you, tia.”

“I love you, too, kiddo. Now go back to bed and I’ll see you in the morning.” Issy kisses Maggie on the top of her head and exits the kitchen, leaving Maggie and her mind still reeling at the table.

///

Issy wakes to a note on the kitchen table.

Tia,

One day I’ll be able to repay you for everything you’ve given me.

But right now, I need to repay her for my life.

I know I’ll be safe; my guardian angel is still by my side.

I love you and I’ll call soon.

Maggie

Issy knows Maggie’s room will be empty if she goes and looks. She knows the bed will be pristinely made and spotless. And she knows there’s no point in trying to track Maggie down or bringing her home.

A few miles away, Maggie basks in the morning sun. Her duffle weighs heavily on her shoulders and Zeus stays diligently by her side. She takes a good look of the photo one more time, and puts it in her wallet.

And then, Maggie Sawyer begins to walk.

///

The air is thick with Louisiana heat as night begins to fall. Maggie stares out over the lake, her hand resting softly in Zeus’s fur. She tries to calm herself down by focusing on the last light of the day reflecting off the water. She listens as the bar behind her fills with more and more patrons ready for a night of release after a long day at work. Maggie should be content, she knows this. She’s not at war anymore; she’s safe and alive and experiencing a beautiful evening. And yet her heart beats wildly in her chest, and her breaths become shorter and more harried, not unlike how they used to before night raids.

Maggie can feel she’s close, close to finding out who exactly is in her picture. Close to being able to finally thank her, to see what she looks like up close. Maggie’s close and she’s terrified.

She puts her hand out to Zeus. “Stay.” He sits by the doorway as Maggie enters the bar.

It’s loud and dim and smells of stale cigarettes and ocean salt. Maggie makes her way to the bar.

“What can I get ya, sweetheart?” the bartender asks with a smirk, and Maggie resists the urge to roll her eyes.

She holds up the photo. “I’m looking for this woman. Can you help me out?”

The bartender squints at the photo, before raising an eyebrow at Maggie.

“Can you help me or not,” she huffs.

“Hey, Mike!” the bartender calls out. Mike appears moments later, a beer in one hand and a pool cue in the other.

“What’s up, man?”

“This lady here’s looking for someone,” he replies, nodding towards Maggie. Maggie holds up the photo again. Mike takes a sip of his beer before answering.

“That there’s Alex Danvers, used to be married to a friend of mine.”

Alex.

The name burrows under Maggie’s skin and embeds itself inside of her. It feels warm and it feels right and already itches for morning, when she can finally meet Alex Danvers.

“What business you got with Alex?” Mike asks, and Maggie ignores the question.

“Thanks for your help, Mike.”

Before anybody asks more questions, she slips out of the bar and begins walking away, whistling for Zeus to follow.

Alex.

///

Danvers Kennels - Maggie finds out - is on the outskirts of town, past the clutter of streets and sitting on the edge of a small wood. Maggie walks down the driveway and towards an old, dilapidated barn that she assumes is the kennel. She can see a house a few yards away, and she assumes that the Danvers family resides there. She’s grateful that Zeus is by her side, a constant and reassuring presence as she makes her way further into the property.

A figure appears inside the barn, obscured by the shadows. Even from the silhouette, Maggie can make out curves she has committed to memory.

“Hello? Can I help you?” the figure calls out, and Maggie feels her breath catch in her throat as Alex steps into the barn doorway.

No matter what she had been expecting, no matter how much she had mentally prepared herself, Maggie is blown away when she sees Alex Danvers for the first time. Her hair is shorter than it was in the photo, framing her face, with a reddish gleam in the sunlight. She’s taller than Maggie, too, though that’s not very hard to achieve. She wears denim shorts and a white top that gives away a hint of cleavage and Maggie thinks that she could make a damn garbage bag look sexy.

As Alex approaches her, Maggie’s aware that she hasn’t said anything, and quite frankly she’s not sure if she can say anything. Luckily, Alex makes a beeline for Zeus, giving Maggie a moment or two to compose herself.

“What a beautiful shepherd!” she says, and Maggie feels herself go weak at the knees. Her voice, her voice , it’s calm and melodic and makes the hair on her arm stand up straight. Maggie suspects that maybe a part of Alex is made of magic, because there’s no other explanation for the masterpiece of humanity that stands before her.

Alex stares up at Maggie, and their eyes lock. Alex’s eyes are a deep brown, so dark that Maggie thinks she could see her reflection in them if she got close enough. And her smile - god, her smile - Maggie thinks it could cure cancer or save the world or literally anything else.

“What’s his name?” Alex asks.

“Z-Zeus,” Maggie replies, her voice hoarse.

“He’s gorgeous,” Alex says, patting his head gently.

“He’s good with people,” Maggie says, trying to muster up all the courage she can. “Well, better than I am.”

“At least you don’t introduce yourself to the pets first,” Alex says with a laugh, standing up straight and offering out a hand.

“I’m Alex Danvers,” she introduces. Maggie doesn’t think she’s could ever tire of hearing Alex’s voice.

She shakes her hand. “Maggie Sawyer.”

“So how can I help you, Maggie?” Alex asks as they walk into the barn. Maggie takes a deep breath. Up until this point, everything had been theoretical - the girl in the picture, reasons why Maggie managed to survive, walking for three weeks straight just to thank someone she’s never even met.

But standing here, standing in front of Alex, whose eyes hold the promise of a good and gentle person, whose smile makes Maggie think that in a world of cruelty and pain, maybe god managed to get just one thing right--

Standing here, with Zeus by her side, and Alex Danvers in front of her, everything is very real and Maggie is scared.

“I, uh, well, here’s the thing. I’m here… I’m here because--”

The shrill ring of a telephone cuts Maggie off.

Alex throws her an apologetic look. “Just give me one sec.” Whilst Alex talks to one of her customers, Maggie takes a look around the kennel. The barn is old, with peeling paint and rotting wood pretty much everywhere she looks. Outside, she spots an older gentleman, trying to lead a stubborn doberman up a ramp. The man is tall, and broad shouldered, but even with his back turned to her, Maggie can tell he’s old; there’s a hunch in his shoulder and a weakness to his grip on the unmoving leash. She wonders how he and Alex know each other, and then she remembers that though she feels as though she’s known Alex her whole life, the woman before her is nothing more than a stranger.

“Sorry,” Alex says as she hangs up the phone. “Now, from the looks of how well Zeus is trained, I assume you’re not here for obedience school. Which means you’re here for boarding?”

“Oh no,” Maggie says, “I don’t plan on going anywhere.”

“Well then why are you here?” Maggie pulls her wallet from her back pocket, haphazardly unzipping it and pulling out some old papers to get to the photo.

Maggie breathes deeply. “I’m here because I found this,” she says, rummaging through the wallet.

“Oh, you saw the ad!” Maggie’s confused until she sees Alex pointing to her hand, where she holds a folded up newspaper clipping of Enzo’s christening announcement. She briefly remembers there being a ‘Help Needed’ sign on the front gate. Oh.

“This is great! We’ve been worried nobody would respond because it’s not the most glamorous job in the world. It’s basically just cleaning up after the dogs, maybe some fix ups as well. Manual stuff that my godfather can’t handle anymore. Obviously, you’re great with Zeus so maybe if you could take up some of the training as well.” Alex holds out an application form. “We just need a little help is all.”

Maggie smiles softly. Don’t we all. She doesn’t know how to explain that she’s not here for a job, but for Alex herself. She doesn’t know how to say that Alex saved her life more than she could ever repay her for. She doesn’t know how to say anything. So she takes the clipboard from Alex and begins filling it in.

“Where are you from?” Alex asks.

“Nebraska,” Maggie replies as she scribbles down her information.

“Oh, awesome!”

“Not really.”

“So besides Zeus, do you have any other experience with dogs?”

“I worked with some bomb dogs.”

“Were you a cop?”

Maggie hesitates just for a moment. She looks up from the form. “A Marine, actually.”

She watches as the smile slips from Alex’s face, and an indecipherable look appears in her eyes. She seems colder.

“I-I’ll tell you what, you don’t have to fill the rest of that form in, just leave a number and we’ll get back to you once we speak to the other applicants.” She says, but Maggie can see through the lie.

“It looks like you might be having trouble trying to f--”

Alex glares at Maggie. “Why does a person drive all the way from Nebraska to Louisiana just to work in a dog kennel?” she asks, cutting her off.

“I couldn’t tell you; I walked.”

“You walked. You walked here from Nebraska.”

Maggie smiles softly. “I like to walk.”

Yet again, Maggie can’t read the look that passes over Alex’s face, and she finds it equal parts intriguing and frustrating. She knows she’s pushing Alex’s buttons, and she quite enjoys it.

“Would you excuse me for a minute?” Alex says, before slipping out the door and into the yard.

Maggie watches as she has a back and forth with the older gentleman. She assumes they’re talking about her. She notes that Alex uses her hands a lot, big sweeping gestures that Maggie feels are definitely about her. Moments later, the man pops his head through the barn door.

“Are you crazy?” He asks. He’s tall and broad, with dark weathered skin and an intimidating presence despite the kindness in his eyes.

“Excuse me, sir?”

“My goddaughter seems to think you’re crazy and that I shouldn’t hire you. Well, are you?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Neither do I; you look like a sharp, capable woman. Now tell me, why does a sharp, capable woman like yourself want to clean out dog kennels?” Maggie decides she likes this man.

“It seems like peaceful work. My last job wasn’t very peaceful.”

“Let me guess, you’re a banker type? Wall Street?”

“I was in the Marine Corp, sir.”

Understanding washes over the gentleman. “Ah, I see. Well, I think you’ll be a fine fit here. What’s your name?”

“Maggie. Maggie Sawyer.”

“My name’s Jonn Jones,” he says. “I expect you to be back here at seven thirty tomorrow morning. We’ll spend exactly half an hour discussing payment and a full job description, and then we’ll start training you up. Does that sound good?” Like his goddaughter before him, he offers Maggie a hand.

She shakes it, noting his firm grip.

“Yes, sir. Thank you very much.”

Maggie leaves the kennel, less than half an hour after she got there, without thanking Alex, without doing anything she wanted to do. She can’t figure out why Alex got so cold, but she has a vague inkling that it has something to do with the original owner of the picture burning a hole in her back pocket. Maybe this way will be easier, she thinks. Maybe if she works for a bit, she can pay off her debt to Alex. Maybe she can work up the courage to tell her everything.

Back at the kennel, Jonn approaches Alex, who watches Maggie’s retreating figure.

“How did you get her to leave?” Alex asks, relieved.

“I gave her the job,” Jonn says simply.

“ What? ” Alex screeches. “She’s a stranger, she’s going to be near Jay!”

“Yes, Alex, I know. But we need somebody.”

“You know absolutely nothing about her.”

Jonn smirks. “Neither do you.”

///

As luck would have it, Maggie finds a house less than a ten minute walk from Danvers Kennels, and the owner practically begs her to take it off his hands. Mostly because she thinks that he can’t legally call it a house.

Doors are missing, the floorboards look as though they could give in at any moment, and the only shower is on the small balcony off the main bedroom. It could use a thorough cleaning and a lot of work, and the rent is only two hundred dollars a month.

It’s a good thing Maggie’s always been good with her hands.

It’s mostly straightforward, a few coats of paint here, some drilling and nailing and sanding. It reminds her of her childhood. Maggie’s father was a carpenter, and owned his own business. On long summer days with no schooling to keep her busy and not enough money for camp or a babysitter, Maggie would accompany her father to work. From a young age, she was one of his best and hardest workers, and Maggie revelled in the time she got to spend with her often-busy dad.

But that was a long time ago, before he sent her to live with his sister.

In a small town where the only people Maggie knows are the woman she’s mildly stalking and said woman’s godfather, there’s not much to do. So Maggie reads, Maggie works, and Maggie walks.

Maggie loves to walk. Ever since she was younger, walking was the one thing that would help her clear her head and help her put things in perspective. And when she was serving, often the only solitude and peace she got came from walking laps of the base whenever she had free time.

She finds out soon enough, that as much as she loves walking, Alex seems to love jogging even more. She’s been there for two weeks and Maggie crosses paths with her most mornings, Alex always avoiding Maggie’s eyes, several dogs in tow. Maggie can’t help but admire her - the carefree look on her face, her toned body, how poised she always looks.

A few times, she’s seen a boy with unruly brown hair and a bright smile around the property. Usually, he’s with Alex, and Maggie thinks he may be her son. She doesn’t know much about kids, but he doesn’t seem as loud and rowdy as her younger cousins, so he’s okay in Maggie’s books.

“Who’s that woman?” She overhears him ask Alex one day, despite the fact Maggie’s seen him at least three times already. Maggie’s fixing the guttering outside, whilst Alex and the boy sit inside the bar.

“Oh, that’s just someone Uncle Jonn hired,” comes the reply from Alex.

“She’s pretty,” the boy says, and Maggie smirks. She’s liking this kid more and more.

“She’s a little old for you, bud,” Alex laughs.

“What about for you?” he asks innocently, and Maggie bites down hard on her lip to stop herself laughing. Alex sputters, and Maggie really wishes she could see her face. She imagines blush coloring her cheeks and creeping down her neck as her son pesters her for an answer.

Maggie decides she likes Alex’s son - she thinks his name is Jay - a hell of a lot, not that she’s ever met him. But from what she can gather, he’s inquisitive, great with the dogs, and he makes Alex laugh almost constantly which is always a plus.

Jay’s father, on the other hand, is a different story altogether.

Maggie’s the only person on the property; the Danvers had stepped out to do their Saturday morning grocery shopping. Not too long ago, Maggie revelled in solitude wherever she could find it. She sought out silence and would aim to preserve it for as long as she could. But now, she doesn’t like it when she’s alone at the kennel. She prefers to work with Jonn’s humming and idle chit chat, with Alex talking to the dogs like they’re people, with the sounds of a happy family running as a soundtrack to her days.

The sound of a car rumbles from the driveway, and Maggie frowns; it doesn’t sound like Alex’s pickup. The footsteps that follow are heavier, too. And the voice Maggie hears before she sees its owner is gruff and deep and she can already tell she doesn’t like this person.

“Who the hell are you?” comes the voice from behind her, and Maggie turns around. He’s a lot taller than her, with broad shoulders and the look of somebody who’s never had to work for anything in his life. His sheriff’s uniform fits perfectly, but his clean shaven face gives him the illusion of a child playing dress up. Maggie doesn’t like the gleam in his eye, she’s seen that too many times before. Beside her, Zeus growls at the man and that tells Maggie everything she needs to know.

“Can I help you?” Maggie asks, trying to keep her voice unthreatening and her body language neutral.

“Yeah. What the hell are you doing here?”

“Is there a problem, officer?” She can see his name badge reads M. Lord, but she refuses to use his name.

“There fucking will be if you don’t answer my questions, chica.”

Maggie grits her teeth. “I work here.”

“Oh I’m sure you do.” He nods to the bench. “Hands on the table, spread your legs.”

“Why?”

“Because I fucking said so. Now we can either do this right here, or we can do it down at the station.” Maggie complies, putting her hands on the benchtop. She hates the feel of the officer’s hands running down her body, lingering just a moment too long in some places. He pulls her wallet from her back pocket, squeezing her ass with the other hand. She jumps, whirling around, white hot anger coursing through her.

“Don’t you dare,” she says, and he just laughs in her face. He opens the wallet and looks at her ID.

“Oh we got an army kid, huh? Little old Marine Corp Barbie. Do they even make a Mexican Barbie? They hire you to clean up this shithole while they’re out?”

“Can I pass along a message to Alex for you?” she asks, choosing to ignore the comments. A look passes over his face.

“Oh, so that’s what this is. You’re after Alex.”

“Excuse me?”

“You know exactly what I mean. But just know this: no matter what she says, Alex Danvers is no fucking lesbian. And I know that, because I fucked her brains out and she loved it. You got that?”

Maggie stands in silence, not moving, not even breathing. She fears if she relaxes even a muscle, she’s going to punch this police officer in the face. He points a tobacco-stained finger in Maggie’s face.

“You tell Alex I’ll see her and Jay at the garden party at four.” And without another word, he walks away.

She doesn’t know how Alex ended up with him, and she knows it’s none of her business. But she knows two things. One, Jay takes after his mother a lot more than his father. And two, she sure is glad Alex managed to escape that asshole.

Maggie doesn’t breathe again until she hears the drive speed away, a dreadful feeling settling in her stomach that this won’t be the last she sees of him.

///

She goes on a walk to try and clear her head later in the afternoon. A small creek runs through the property, and she supposes it leads out to the larger lake. Covered in a small forest, it’s the perfect place for Maggie to be alone.

She wonders what she’s doing here. She had come here with a simple task - thank the girl from the photo - and instead, she’s got a job, rented a house, and on the road to finding the serenity she’s been searching for her whole life.

It’s as though Alex is still inadvertently trying to save her.

As she walks along a small bridge, she hears the scratch of a violin echoing through the trees. She smiles softly and is immediately transported back to her old piano lessons, and plonking her way through Chopin or whatever convoluted piece her mother wanted her to play.

She spots Jay in a treehouse, playing his violin, his chubby fingers gripping the bow just a little too hard. She closes her eyes and listens for a moment, as the music flits through the summer air.

“Not bad,” she calls out.

“I didn’t think anyone was listening,” Jay calls back.

“Well I’m glad I was.” She goes to walk away, before turning back. “Don’t you have a garden party to go to?” She laughs as she hears his small gasp.

She’s definitely a big fan of Jay.

///

Jay pulls on his tie, grunting as he tries to get it away from his neck. He sits on the porch steps waiting for his mother to finish getting ready.

Alex emerges moments later, wearing a flowery summer dress, form fitting and giving away just a hint of cleavage. She hates having to go to these things, but her hand is forced. So she sucks it up and puts on a smile for Jay’s sake, yearning for the day when she will no longer be forced to bow to her ex husband’s every whim.

“Buddy, stop pulling on your tie, it was perfect before,” Alex says. She attempts to flatten Jay’s hair just a bit, but there’s no point; his curls have always refused to obey any sort of rule. He looks up at her and smiles broadly and as brightly as sunshine. It’s the sort of smile that makes her heart sink momentarily, the one that reminds her of everything, or rather every one, that she’s lost.

“You look very pretty, Momma,” he says, and Alex kisses the top of his head.

“And you look very handsome, Jay,” she replies. “Now let’s get going before we’re late.”

She takes his hand and they walk to Alex’s pickup, passing Maggie as she feeds the dogs. Alex catches her eye as Maggie looks up from her work, and she looks away just a moment too late.

Alex can’t deny the chemistry between herself and Maggie, the chemistry she tries to play off as annoyance at her existence. Because Alex really doesn’t want to like Maggie; her life was complicated enough without adding Maggie’s longing stares and the way she made Alex feel like a lust-struck teenager. She wishes things were simpler, that she didn’t have to toe the line in a conservative town where her every move was monitored. She wishes she could be happy as the person she knows she is.

She feels Maggie’s eyes on her as she walks to the truck and gets in. She sees her still staring in the rearview mirror as they drive away. She’d be lying if she didn’t admit that she had chosen a dress she looked great in just for Maggie’s benefit. There was just something about Maggie…. No matter how much Alex wanted to dislike her, she found herself walking the paths she knew Maggie did, found herself doing things just to get her attention. Maggie was frustratingly enigmatic, yes, but she was also irrevocably magnetic, and Alex couldn’t get away from her.

Her thoughts are still on Maggie when she walks into the garden party. It’s in the wealthy part of town, one she had spent a lot of time in when she was younger. A big banner hangs between two trees, encouraging partygoers to vote for Judge Woodrow Lord as the next mayor. Alex feels like she’s sixteen again whenever she sees Judge Lord or his wife, and today is no different as they chat with guests and laugh loudly at bad jokes.

She spots Max and a familiar sinking feeling sets in. At least he’s not wearing his sheriff’s uniform this time.

“Dad!” Jay calls out, and Max spots them both with a smarmy smile. He saunters over, and ruffles Jay’s hair, kisses Alex on the cheek.

“You look hot,” he whispers in her ear before turning his attention to his son. “Look at that tie, son, it’s a mess. Gotta teach you how to tie one like a man.” Jay rolls his eyes before running off to join a gaggle of kids, all in clothes too fancy for their age.

“So I met your girlfriend,” Max says, coolly. Alex stops short, her blood running cold. Though his tone is light, she can see anger in his eyes.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Alex says, and it’s half true; she can guess who he’s talking about.

“G.I. Jane,” he says, confirming her suspicions, “the one you got runnin’ around that shithouse.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Alex says through gritted teeth, and goes to walk away from Max.

He pulls her back by the arm, yanking her towards him.

“You’re damn right she’s not,” he mutters, his breath uncomfortably hot on her neck. “Our divorce was scandal enough, I won’t have you goin’ around, doin’--”

“Doing what?” Alex challenges.

“Makin’ a fool outta my name. Now you remember, Alex, tread very carefully. I know the best judge in town - and soon to be mayor - and I can get custody of little Jay over there in an instant.”

Alex feels her blood run cold. She and Max had divorced years ago, but this was why she always toed the line and gave him as much leeway as she did. She’s constantly terrified that Max would wield his Lord power and have Jay taken away from her, something she couldn’t have, especially now. Funnily enough, her being gay was only one factor to their divorce. Others included the emotional manipulation, the drinking, and the constant fighting. But she supposes the whole ‘gay’ thing was a leading contributor.

She knows better than to reply to Max’s threat. Instead, she shoves him away and makes a beeline for Judge Lord. He’s a large man with rosy cheeks, permanent smile, and an elegant wife on his arm: the image of a man trying to sell you something. Right now, Alex thinks, he’s selling himself as mayor, and knowing the town, it’s working. She had always found comfort around Judge Lord, no matter what he represented to her, and today was no different.

She hugs him tightly, and kisses his wife Patricia on the cheek. They ask after Jay - their only grandchild - and they ask after Jonn. They ask if she managed to fill the position at the kennel, but she doesn’t mention Maggie. Maggie is Alex’s little secret, even if Max has his suspicions. Part of her wishes that Maggie would stop being everywhere , always there when Alex turns around, or goes for a jog. If Maggie weren’t there, maybe she could clear her head and forget about what she feels when she sees those dark brown eyes follow her across the yard. So Alex doesn’t talk about Maggie, because if she does, she’ll lose whatever magic lies between them at the moment; talking about her will make everything too real.

More importantly, Alex is afraid that if she starts talking about Maggie, she’ll never manage to stop.

///

It’s early, too early to be working, but Maggie couldn’t sleep the night before. Her sleep had been marred by the same nightmares that plagued her back in Nebraska, thoughts of Vasquez and the IED and the pain that still radiates through her.

Alex walks down the track, ready for her morning jog, sighing audibly when she sees that Maggie is already there and fixing the broken guttering

“You don’t have to be here this early,” Alex says, as she pulls the dogs from their kennels. “You only start at seven thirty.”

“I couldn’t sleep,” Maggie confesses, working as she talks. “Thought I’d get a headstart so I can finish a bit earlier.” They both know she’s lying; Maggie never leaves before four thirty, always finding something around the kennel to keep her busy. Yesterday she had managed to get the long-dead ride-on lawn mower working, a small personal victory. Today she thinks she might start painting the outside of the barn.

Alex doesn’t say goodbye, but Maggie watches as she runs up the driveway and out the front gate. She doesn’t know how she became so entranced by Alex this quickly, nor this intensely. All Maggie knows is that being near Alex makes her feel as though she’s beginning to heal.

Not long after Alex leaves, Jonn hobbles down from the house. It’s the first time Maggie’s seen him use a cane, and it accentuates just how old he is, despite his usual youthfulness.

“Good morning, Maggie,” he greets, and Maggie stops her work, smiling. She climbs down the ladder and wipes her hands on her overalls.

“Good morning,” she replies, “A lovely day, hey?”

“Indeed. I hope you haven’t been out here for too long?”

“Only an hour or so.”

Jonn clicks his tongue. “Margaret, don’t you ever sleep?”

“Actually, my name is Magdalene; my parents are hardcore Catholics. And I’ve never been a particularly good sleeper.” Usually, Maggie would die before divulging her full name, but she finds herself fond of Jonn and his well meaning smile.

“Well in that case, why don’t you come have some coffee and a bite to eat? Can’t have you falling asleep before nine in the morning.”

Maggie senses he won’t take no for an answer, so she leaves her work and heads back to the house with him.

The house smells like a bakery, and Maggie feels herself salivating at the scent alone. She sits at the dining table while Jonn puts freshly baked muffins on the table.

“Am I right in assuming you take your coffees black?” Jonn asks. Maggie laughs.

“With about fifty sugars though; I’ve got a wicked sweet tooth.”

“Good to know,” Jonn grins, before leaning back in his chair. “So, Maggie. I think it’s time I get to know you a little better.”

She matches his posture. “Well what do you want to know?”

“Hometown, favorite ice cream, parents’ names and occupations. In that order.”

“Blue Springs, Nebraska. Vegan mint choc chip. Oscar and Valentina, and the last I heard Oscar is retired and Valentina still teaches three days a week at the elementary school.”

“The last you heard?”

“I haven’t spoken to my parents since I was fourteen years old.” The coffee pot beeps that it’s ready, and Maggie jumps up before Jonn can, eager to use the coffee as a distraction.

Before Maggie can continue, the porch door bursts open and Alex enters with an annoyed huff.

“That girl is so irritating,” she exclaims, and Maggie rolls her eyes playfully at Jonn. He laughs, clearing his throat loudly. Alex doesn’t notice his warning. “Everywhere I go, she’s just there , by the lake, in the barn, absolutely everywhere and I cannot st--”

“Good morning,” Maggie interrupts as she reenters the dining room, putting a now blushing Alex out of her unknown misery. She places a coffee in front of Jonn and takes a seat.

“You were telling me about your parents?” Jonn says, deciding to ignore Alex’s faux pas.

“Right. I was outed by a friend when I was fourteen. My parents, the staunch Catholics they are, kicked me out the same day they found out.” Maggie knows Alex is listening from the kitchen, but honestly she doesn’t care -- she spent too much of her life hiding, and now she wants the world to know.

“That must’ve been difficult, I’m so sorry,” Jonn says. “Where did you go?”

“My father’s sister took me in.”

“And did you finish high school?”

“Yes, sir. And completed a year of college before joining the Corp.”

Alex decides it’s time to butt in.

“Let me guess, you studied sports science?”

Maggie chuckles; Alex is trying to push her buttons, but it’s not really working. “Philosophy, actually.”

“Really?” Alex asks. “Philosophy? You?”

“I like to read,” Maggie says.

“Go on,” Alex goads, “give us a quote of your favorite philosopher.”

“Alex,” Jonn warns.

“Come on, now, it’s a fair question.”

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple,” Maggie quotes.

“Oh, I know that one,” Alex says clicking her fingers. “It’s Voltaire? Voltaire, right? Definitely Voltaire.”

Maggie gives Alex a very deliberate look. “It’s Dr. Seuss.”

Jonn roars with laughter as Alex blushes deeply again. Maggie smiles, suppressing a laugh, and stands up from the table.

“Thank you for the coffee break, Mr. Jones.”

“Call me Jonn,” he says, still laughing. Maggie smiles once more at Alex - who averts her gaze - before leaving.

She can hear Jonn’s laughter all the way back to the barn.

///

Jonn asks her to drive him to town because Alex isn’t home and the doctor still doesn’t let him drive.

“A stroke,” he says, shaking his head. “Almost a year ago, but you think Alex cares? Still treats me like I’m made of glass and could die at any second.”

“You’re lucky you have someone there looking out for you,” Maggie says, not taking her eyes from the road. She hears Jonn sigh beside her, and she doesn’t see the pitiful look, but she can sense his eyes looking at her as though she’s a starving kitten, or something equally as week.

“How old are you, Maggie?” he asks.

“Twenty-six,” she answers.

“And how many tours did you do?”

“Four, sir.”

Jonn sighs again. “My goddaughter - my other one - she was halfway through her second.” Maggie glances at him briefly before turning her attention back to the road. She assumed someone Alex knew had been in the Corp, she just hadn’t been able to piece together who yet. She ruled out husband early on, after she met Max Lord, but she hadn’t yet ruled out boyfriend or even parent or brother. She hadn’t even thought about the possibility of a sister.

“If you think Alex is a handful,” Jonn says wistfully, “you should’ve met Kara. You two would’ve gotten along, for sure. Losing her… for this family, losing her was like watching the sun explode. All you could do was watch, and then be swallowed by the impending darkness.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Maggie says, I’m sorry I got out and she didn’t .

“When you get to my age, and lose as many people as I have, you learn to appreciate the memories you have, rather than mourn the ones you never got the chance to make. Alex is a lot younger than me, she’s still learning. She’s not that bad, she’s just hurting is all.”

Maggie doesn’t take her eyes off the road once. “I don’t think she’s bad at all.” She can practically feel Jonn smiling at her, and she blushes under his glare. At least she knows she has his approval.

She drops him off and returns to the house, opening the unlocked backdoor.

“Hello?” she calls out, though nobody replies. Maggie hangs the keys on a hook and ventures further into the empty home. The living room is lit by natural light, and dust hits Maggie at the back of her throat. The walls are empty of photos, though dark, unfaded squares remain on the wallpaper. Maggie wanders over to a piano, covered in a dust protector. She decides, for once, to follow her impulses, pulling back the white cover, and opening the keys.

She plays a small melody, a simple yet elegant one. The last time she played the piano had been in a dingy army bar with drunk marines yelling obscenities at her. She remembers, with a sigh, that seven of them died the next day. She stops playing, and covers the piano once more.

Maggie reminds herself that she has work to do, and more importantly, as much as she may wish, there was nothing she could do to change the past.

///

The air is dry and filled with grief.

The morning after the night raid brings with it the reality of loss, the undiluted guilt of survival. Five men, she had lost five men in a fruitless mission that did nothing but remind her of the futility of life in the marines. On mornings like this, she couldn’t remember why she had chosen to do this many tours, why she had chosen to leave her peaceful life behind.

She stands in by the small brick building they had raided the night before, choking on the sandy dust that she had never gotten used to.

In the distance, a handful of yards away, she sees something reflect the bright morning sun, sitting amidst rubble and ruin.

Maggie’s not sure what draws her towards it, but she finds herself approaching it, picking it up out of the dust, and cleaning it with a hack of spit.

The woman in the photo is of average heart, with dark hair and a kind smile. In the background, a white lighthouse on the edge of a body of water. And on the back of the photo, reads Keep Safe x, written messily and with love.

Maggie stares at the photo, entranced, and doesn’t even notice the shouts of the soldiers around her

And then she’s on the ground and the earth is still shaking, her ears are ringing and her eyes burn. Soldiers lie, injured from an explosion and yet Maggie is mostly unscathed.

It doesn’t escape her that the bomb went off exactly where she had been standing, only moments before.

She looks to the photo again, thankful for the coincidence that saved her.

///

Maggie hears music coming from the house, and smiles to herself. It had been a long day, and she was looking forward to the walk home, and an early bedtime. She stands by the backdoor, and watches for a moment - while they’re both distracted - as Alex and Jay dance to an old jazz song.

“I’m just dropping in to say goodnight,” Maggie says, announcing herself.

“Goodnight, Maggie,” Alex says, a little too cordially. Jay grins widely.

“Do you like jambalaya?” he asks eagerly. “You should stay for dinner!”

“Oh no,” Alex says quickly, “I’m sure Maggie has plans.” Maggie doesn’t even look at Alex, instead grinning to match Jay’s.

“I love jambalaya.”

///

“Mom got a scholarship to Stanford. She was gonna be a doctor, but not a medicine doctor, like a scientist doctor.” Jay manages to say with a mouthful of jambalaya. Alex had decided that as long it was just the two of them (and Maggie, she guesses) she wouldn’t give him a hard time on manners; that was Jonn’s job.

“You went to Stanford?” Maggie asks, impressed.

“No,” Alex says, with a small almost regretful smile, “I went to State, to be closer to home. We had some family issues come up.”

“She got pregnant!” Jay announces, before feeling the need to add, “with me.”

Maggie manages to suppress a laugh at the young boy, but Alex doesn’t. She laughs loudly.

“Okay, Jeremiah. It’s your night for the dishes, off you go.”

Alex doesn’t like the mischievous gleam in Jay’s eyes.

“Hey, Maggie. Do you play chess?” He asks innocently.

Maggie shrugs. “I’ve been known to play a few games. What were you thinking?”

“If I win, you have to do the dishes.” Alex shakes her head.

She can’t believe she’s about to watch a grown woman get hustled by a child.

“Fine,” Maggie consents, “but if I win, you have to do the pooper scooper tomorrow.” Jay nods in agreement. They shake on it.

Maggie loses in approximately thirteen minutes.

Twenty minutes after that, she’s in the kitchen, elbow deep in soapy water. Alex is on drying duty.

“Do you have any other secret abilities?” Maggie asks Jay, who watches her with satisfaction, as she washes the last plate.

“You’re the one with the secret,” Jay says, and Alex doesn’t quite catch the way Maggie’s body seizes momentarily.

“I saw you play the piano,” Jay says, and Alex doesn’t quite catch the way Maggie sags in relief.

“Yeah, I, uh, played when I was returning the truck keys,” she says to Alex. Alex knows she should care that a practical stranger was in her house alone with her son, but she’s caught up over the fact that Maggie has very talented fingers.

“What about you? You play the violin like a pro. We should play together sometime.”

Maggie doesn’t even get an answer, Jay just runs from the room. Alex takes a soapy dish from Maggie.

“My sister taught him how to play. They were… they were more inseparable than Kara and I were, and that’s saying something.” Alex chuckles softly. “She was a marine, too. We lost her last year, and it’s been really hard on Jay. It’s been really hard on everyone.”

Maggie nods without saying anything. Alex knows she doesn’t need to; she gets it. She always felt like that with Maggie, as though she understood Alex in a way that even Alex didn’t. They way she looked at her, the way she chose her words… Alex thinks that maybe in another life, a life without Max constantly looking over her shoulder or any other one of their many complications, maybe they could’ve been happy together.

Alex walks Maggie to the door, opening the screen and letting her out. Maggie whirls around and faces her with an intensity she can’t quite place.

“There’s something I, I’ve been meaning to tell you,” Maggie shudders. “I never fully explained why - how….” She struggles to take a breath. “Sorry, I don’t know, I can’t find the right words.”

Alex lays a hand on Maggie’s chest. “It’s okay. You can tell me another time.”

The unspoken confession hangs between them in the summer air, along with the promise that they’d have more time together.

Maggie settles, smiling sadly. “Another time.”

///

The weather is unbearably nice, especially for a day like today.

Alex sits in the small garden behind the house. It’s been there since she was little, she remembers her and Kara helping Jonn plant all the different flowers. Kara had always been Alex’s favorite person, the person she always turned to. When Alex fell pregnant, Kara was the first person she called. When Max proposed, Kara helped him pick a ring. Since the day she was born, Kara had been the one constant in Alex’s life, the thing that kept her grounded and sane no matter what.

And now, on the first anniversary of Kara’s death, Alex realises just how alone she feels.

The anger comes before the tears, unyielding and searing hot. All of a sudden she can’t stand to look at the garden anymore. She jumps up, and begins to pull the tendrils that grow up the low brick wall. She rips them from their roots and throws them away, she digs at the dirt with her fingers. Hot tears blur her vision and she can’t stop them because she’s tired and she’s angry but more importantly she’s so incredibly sad. She reaches for a nearby pot and throws it to the ground and then another and another. Her biceps burn under their weight but still she throws them, only stopping when small, strong arms wrap around her. She struggles against them, but they’re too strong and she’s only slightly aware of the voice saying her name. She collapses against the arms, sobbing until her chest feels like it’s on fire and she’s gasping for air and clutching at the arms that hold her steadily.

She’s not sure how, but suddenly she’s back on the small wooden bench and Maggie sits beside her rubbing soothing circles on her back and Alex feels marginally better, despite the big gaping hole in her chest still raw and aching.

“Kara was my best friend,” she says, and she knows Maggie isn’t going to interrupt her, so she doesn’t stop. “She was the person I told everything to, and the person I knew everything about. And she was just one of those people that made everyone around them want to be a better person. She just was kindness and happiness and god, she was always smiling, no matter what. Jay, he has her smile and it breaks my heart whenever I see it because I see so much of her in him. She… she joined the army because she just… she was always trying to make the world a better place.

“We got the call… and all they could tell us was that friendly fire was a possibility. So it’s been an entire year and the inquiry into the death of Sergeant Kara Ella Danvers is still ongoing. And that’s the worst part, not knowing if she died for nothing. What if it was all for nothing?”

“It’s never for nothing,” Maggie assures her. “She was over there doing what she thought was right, and that’s a noble way for anybody to die.”

“I just… I’ve been angry for so long. At first, at Kara for enlisting in the first place, and then for doing a second tour, and then a third. I’m just so tired of being angry, and this may sound stupid… but having you around, things are starting to feel better.”

Alex looks at Maggie, an unreadable expression in her eyes that quickly disappears. She tilts her head in a way that drives Alex mad, and she smiles one of those soft smiles that Alex knows are just for her.

“I’m happy to help,” she says.

That night, Alex lies in bed and she thinks that maybe it’s no coincidence that the universe brought her Maggie when it did. Maggie makes Alex feel seen and heard and safe. Alex falls asleep with Maggie in her thoughts and a smile on her lips.

Just a few miles away, Maggie falls asleep, thinking of nothing but the photo that led her to Alex, stuck between the only two books on her shelf. She thinks that maybe there’s a life for her here in Louisiana and that maybe she deserves to be happy, after all.

///

When Jay was born, Alex thought that was as good as life was going to get. She had a doting husband and a perfect baby whom she loved with all her heart.

Then Kara left on her first tour.

And Alex decided to leave Max.

And Kara never came home.

But now watching Maggie play with her son, and having tea with Jonn and just fitting into their little family with such ease, Alex imagines she’s seeing what her life could be like. It’s not that she expects anything to happen with Maggie, even with the tension between them. It’s more that… it’s as though Alex is finally ready to be happy again, and it’s obvious that Maggie is a big part of that happiness.

And for a moment there, amongst the laughter and the hope, Alex forgets that she can never truly be happy.

The harsh reminder comes in the form of Jay sporting a bloody nose, hours before Max was supposed to drop him home. Blood covers his small baseball uniform

“What happened?” Alex asks, inspecting an unperturbed Jay.

“I stopped the ball with my face, and then we won!” he says, not at all concerned about his injury.

“Get inside, baby, and Uncle Jonn will get you cleaned up.”

Max gets out of the car, a grin on his face.

“We might make a man out of you yet, boy!” he calls after Jay, before turning to Alex. “Before you get your panties in a twist, it was an accident.”

“You really don’t get it, do you?” Alex says. “He would do absolutely anything for you, and you don’t care.”

“I don’t care? Alex, I fucking do everything I can for that kid, and it’s never enough for you. So when he’s on your time, you can do whatever the fuck you want to do - pottery or the violin or knitting or whatever the fuck it is - and when he’s with me, I’ll do things my way.”

“Fuck you,” Alex breathes, and before she can walk away, Max grabs at her arm, squeezing it tightly. “Let go,” she tells him.

“Now don’t you forget -”

“Let go of me.”

“- I can have him out of here faster than you can say dyke ,” he sneers.

“You should do what she says,” Maggie says. And though Alex is grateful to see her, now she’s scared for Maggie, too.

Max whips around and glares at Maggie, giving her body a once-over with his eyes. Maggie does nothing but stare back at him, her small body emitting defiance. Slowly, Max lets go of Alex’s arm, and wags his finger at Maggie.

“I got my eye on you, G.I. Jane,” he says, “and don’t you forget that.”

Maggie stands completely still, arms crossed, until Max is in his car and off the property, as quickly as he came. Once he’s out of site, she leads Alex inside and they sit together at the kitchen table.

Alex knew she was stupid for even considering the possibility of dating Maggie; the universe would never let her be that happy.

“He can’t really take Jay away from you, can he?” Maggie asks, resting a comforting hand on Alex’s thigh. Alex feels her insides squirm like she’s a schoolkid with a crush rather than a single mom being bullied by her ex husband.

“I fell pregnant my senior year,” Alex tells Maggie, “and Max proposed because, well, I assume because his father made him. I gave up my scholarship to Stanford so I could be closer to home, and Max… Max was sleeping around and living the whole college experience. We’ve been divorced for four years and he’s still somehow ruining my life.”

“But why let him?” Maggie asks, with a fire in her eyes Alex hasn’t seen before.

“Because his father is about to become mayor, and he’s the only judge in town. He’d make sure Max gets custody if I do anything wrong.”

“So leave town; you can come back to Nebraska with me.”

Alex smiles sadly. “He’d find me. Plus this is my home, I’ve lived here my whole life, and Jay too. Max is always gonna be Jay’s dad, I’ve just got to accept that.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“You don’t know what it’s like; if he ever challenges my custody, I’ll lose Jay.”

“You’re right,” Maggie says, “I don’t know what it’s like. But I do know that you deserve a lot better than this.”

Alex knows she deserves better, she’s always deserved better than Maxwell Lord, more than the mediocrity he’s had to offer. Though now with Maggie sitting in front of her, she feels too selfish for wanting this, for putting herself above everything else.

“I should get going,” Maggie says, standing. “Have a good night.” Alex doesn’t watch her walk out, instead listening to the back door shutting, and the crunch of the gravel in the driveway under Maggie’s boots. Alex feels her heart weigh heavy in her chest, she feels disappointment course through her veins and tears prick at her eyes and realisation hits her before she can do anything to stop it.

It’s not that she wants to be with Maggie, it’s that for some intrinsic, cosmic reason, she needs to be with Maggie.

She’s out the door before she can stop herself.

“Maggie!” she calls out from the porch, and is relieved to see that Maggie hasn’t made it off the property just yet. She’s breathless despite having not run, the thought of asking Maggie out exhilarating all on its own. She takes a deep breath and smiles broadly, before calling out,

“Do you like to play pool?”

///

Maggie does her research - like a lady always should - and finds the nicest place in town with a pool table. They go to one of the nicer bars, one not covered in grime and Louisiana sweat, with a calm atmosphere and decent menu. Maggie knows she’s the luckiest woman in the world, with a beautiful date by her side and nothing else to worry about.

(Well, except for that one thing, but she thinks she can take a night off from that.)

“So tell me,” Alex says with a smile that Maggie matches. Alex had sufficiently beat her ass at pool, and they settle down with another drink. “Why did you enlist?”

She chuckles softly; she had seen that question coming a mile away. “It was the family business.”

“I knew it!” Alex exclaims and Maggie can’t stop smiling at her date. “You seemed like an army brat.”

“Oh, did I now?”

“Yeah, you did. But can I ask something more personal?”

“Of course.”

Alex leans forward. “Why go into the family business when your parents kicked you out?”

Maggie sighs. “It was just… always the plan. I don’t have any brothers and I was my father’s legacy. And even if I was disowned, I’m still a Sawyer by name and blood. So my first tour was for my father, and it was the last thing I ever owed him. The other three? They were all for me.”

“And your aunt didn’t care about you doing four tours?”

“Oh, she definitely cared. But she trusts me, knew it’s what I needed.”

“My mom would’ve killed Kara if she knew she enlisted,” Alex says with a sad smile.

“You don’t talk about your parents,” Maggie observes.

“They were scientists, died in a lab fire when I was seven; Kara was only four. That’s why we were so close growing up, we were all each other had. Jonn was our father’s best friend and our godfather, and he raised us.”

“I wish I could’ve met her,” Maggie says.

“She was the best,” Alex replies, “so smart and giving and utterly hilarious. Our dad used to say she was sunshine personified. I think he was right.”

“I’m sorry you’ve lost so much,” Maggie says, “you don’t deserve the pain.”

“Nobody deserves the pain,” Alex says, but Maggie isn’t so sure. Sometimes she thinks she deserves the pain. There’s no reason she should be alive, not with the shit she’s been through. And she’s sure as hell that Kara had more to live for, more waiting for her back home. What sort of God let Maggie live while Kara didn’t make it out?

“Hey,” Alex says, interrupting Maggie’s thoughts. “You okay?” Maggie wishes she could find the words to explain everything to Alex, about the photo and why she’s there. But instead she just smiles and nods and says,

“Wanna take me home?”

///

They sit in silence on the car ride home, Alex focused on the dark road ahead of them. The radio plays some old song she remembers listening to in Issy’s kitchen once upon a time, and Maggie curses herself for thinking of her aunt at a time like this. The air is fraught between them as they sit in silence, and Maggie knows this is the precipice. This is the edge on which their relationship stands, ready to fall into something new and frightening and unknown.

The truck pulls to a stop in front of Maggie’s house, and they both get out, walking slowly to stand in front of it. The only light for miles is the light from Alex’s headlights, illuminating them both against the darkness. Suddenly, Maggie is very aware of her existence, and more importantly, her proximity to Alex. She can feel every atom in her body buzz with anticipation, and she licks her lips to try and calm her nerves.

“What are you thinking?” Alex whispers. They stand inches apart, and Maggie swears she can feel Alex’s breath just lightly touch her skin.

“I’m thinking,” Maggie replies, “that life is too short and unpredictable to not take chances.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. We should kiss the girls we want to kiss.” She gulps. “And I’ve wanted to kiss you for a very long time.”

“So kiss me already,” Alex says.

It’s as though an infinity exists in the single moment before their kiss. Time slows and Maggie feels the hairs on her arm stand up tall. She feels the electricity in the air, the beating of her heart so firmly in her chest. She is aware of absolutely everything and yet really only aware of one:

Alex Danvers standing in front of her.

And so Maggie leans up.

She doesn’t know what happens after infinity, but Maggie thinks it might be what kissing Alex feels like. Their lips touch so incredibly slowly, edging together. Maggie’s hands find Alex’s waist, and she kisses her like she’s never kissed before. Her every sense is taken up by Alex, and she can practically hear her heart beating in her ears. Her tongue finds Alex’s and they ebb and flow and Maggie manages to register that Alex tastes like spearmint gum. It’s slow and it’s soft - it’s so incredibly soft - and Maggie wishes she could exist wholly within this moment for the rest of her days.

All too soon, they pull apart, amidst red and blue flashing lights and the slamming of a car door.

“Oh, for fucks’ sake,” Alex says. “Yes, officer?”

“Do y’all know you were goin’ sixty back in town?”

“Oh, bullshit, Carl!” Alex yells. “Did Max put you up to this?” Maggie feels the euphoria of kissing Alex begin to fade as reality sets in. Her eyes focus on the police officer, a guy she’s seen a couple of times in town. He stares at them disapprovingly, and Maggie’s torn between wanting to punch him in the face and wanting to hide from his glare.

“You best be getting home, Alex,” Carl says, and then he’s gone. Alex sighs shakily, and Maggie puts a comforting hand on the small of her back.

“I’m so sorry,” Alex says.

“This isn’t your fault, Alex. Not even a little bit.”

“I should get going,” she replies. “See you on Monday?”

Maggie smiles. “See you then.”

Alex kisses her on the cheek and she watches as she gets into the truck and drives away. As she stands in the darkness, Maggie thinks that if she could spend the rest of her life kissing Alex, it would be a life worth living.

///

Maggie has always functioned well under pressure. She can handle the adrenaline and anxiety, and learned from an early age to channel it into her actions, to drive herself forward and through her challenges. It’s a skill that got her through almost ten years in the army and kept her alive, one that kept her calm and level headed whilst her father yelled obscenities and banished her from the family home.

But it turns out that now Maggie can’t handle the pressure of time.

Monday.

She’s got to wait until Monday to see Alex again, more than twenty four hours without seeing, hearing, touching -

Maggie thinks she’s going to go insane just waiting until she can see Alex again.

She makes it until Sunday night before the gods intervene.

She’s by the pier in town, reading a book that Alex had recommended (The Book of Longing by Leonard Cohen; Maggie had been reading a lot into the title alone). She’s reading the last few lines of a poem that is in the midst of changing her life when the lights go out. Not just the one above her, but all of the lights as far as Maggie can see. Her first thoughts, after the initial fright wears off, is of Alex, and Jonn and Jay, alone in their big house with no lights for miles.

She decides that it’s a completely justifiable reason to visit the Danvers homestead.

When she arrives fifteen minutes later (slightly out of breath - she ran the last two miles) she finds Jay at the kitchen table, reading a book by candlelight.

“Hey buddy,” Maggie says as she walks in. “You okay?”

“Uh-huh,” he answers, without looking up from his book. “Jonn set up the candle for me so I could finish reading and then he went to bed.”

“Whatcha reading?”

“A book on chess strategy, you can borrow it when I’m done,” he says with a smirk and Maggie laughs, ruffling his hair.

“Where’s your mom?” Maggie asks, trying not to sound too eager.

“She’s in the barn.”

Without another word, Maggie heads to the barn. She can hear soft humming come from the upper level, and she follows the sound. The excitement that builds at the mere prospect of seeing Alex scares her. They’ve been on one date, and up until a few months ago had been nothing but strangers.

But Maggie feels as though she’s known Alex for her entire life.

(She pushes away thoughts of the photo that sits hidden on her bookshelf.)

“Hey,” Maggie says softly, and Alex whirls around at the sound of her voice. The upstairs area is quaint, with a couple of chairs and a desk, surrounded by boxes filled with memories and, well, junk. A couple of candles are lit, bathing the room in a warm, low light.

“Hi,” Alex replies, “what are you doing here?”

“Well the official answer is that I wanted to check on you during the blackout. And return your book,” she adds, putting the worn out book on the desk.

“And the unofficial answer?” Alex asks.

Maggie tilts her head to the side in that way she knows infuriates Alex. “I wanted… I needed to see you.” Walking for fifteen minutes in the complete dark had been totally worth it, just to see Alex blush at her confession.

Maggie steps further into the room, closer to Alex.

“I really enjoyed the book.”

“I’m glad. Did you have a favorite?”

Maggie takes another step towards Alex.

“One of the ones you highlighted, The Mist of Pornography ,” Maggie answers, knowing exactly what she’s saying, and getting the exact reaction she wants. She takes yet another step towards Alex, and now they almost touch. She can hear Alex gulp nervously, she can see the passion in her eyes.

“ And now that we are gone ,” Maggie quotes, her voice low, her eyes not once leaving Alex’s. “ I have a thousand years to tell you how I rise on everything that rises how I became that lover whom you wanted… I have a thousand years to be your twin the loving mirrored on who was born with you. ”

Maggie closes the gap between her and Alex, pulling their bodies together. She can feel Alex’s heart beating, she can feel the heat of her body radiate onto her own. She can feel Alex’s breath as she takes deep, shaky breaths.

“ The impeccable order of the objects on the table the weightless irrelevance of all our old intentions. ” She lowers her voice to a whisper. “ As we undo. As we undo. Every difference.”

Slowly, she leans in and kisses Alex, who kisses her back with vigor. Maggie matches Alex’s pace, and soon they’re a tangle of hands and tongues and shuddered moans. Alex pulls Maggie up and somehow even closer to her body. Maggie wraps her legs around her waist, her hands tangled in Alex’s short hair. Alex collapses into one of the chairs behind them, and undoes the buttons on Maggie’s shirt. Maggie throws her head back and moans as Alex kisses her neck, making her way down her chest. Maggie feels pleasure pulse through her, electric under Alex’s touch, and she knows that nobody else has ever made her feel this way.

And then, with no warning, the lights flicker back on and barking erupts from the kennel full of dogs and Jay is yelling out from the house, “Mom, can I eat the melted ice cream??”

“Put it in a bowl first!” Alex calls back, laughing, She helps Maggie off her lap, before standing up herself. Maggie does up the first few buttons of her shirt.

“Sorry for the interruption,” she says, “but thank you for coming to check on me.”

Maggie pulls Alex forward, and kisses her once more.

“See you tomorrow morning,” she murmurs.

“See you then,” Alex says with a grin and a flush in her cheeks.

///

Alex thinks of her life as being before Maggie and after.

Before Maggie, she was floundering, barely keeping her head above water. She was angry at the world for taking everything from her, she was raw and aching from watching Kara go to war and having never come back. She cowered under Max’s every glare, and trudged along in her life, Jay being the only reason for her to keep going.

And after Maggie… well, after Maggie, Alex felt herself finally healing. With Maggie in her life, Alex could feel her heart becoming lighter with each passing day, the darkness finally lifting from recesses of her soul. Maggie made her feel safe, Maggie made her happy.

It was an added bonus that Maggie slotted so well into the Danvers’ lives. Jonn was happy that Alex was settled, and Jay, well, Jay enjoyed having Maggie around almost as much as Alex did. It was hard for Alex to find time alone with Maggie at Danvers Kennels, with Jay constantly hanging off her, revelling in her every word, desperately seeking advice and approval and love from the marine.

“You’re coming to my birthday, right?” Jay asks Maggie, his eyes filled with a hope and excitement still untouched by a life of disappointment.

“Of course,” Maggie smiles, and Alex can see the fondness in her eyes, in the way her hand rests on Jay’s shoulder. Alex’s heart swells for the umpteenth time that day alone.

And that’s how Alex finds herself surrounded by Jay’s classmates and their parents, people she usually tried to avoid spending time with. It’s not that they’re bad people, and sometimes Alex feels guilty for being as judgemental as she is; she just thinks that they don’t understand hardship like she does, they live happy, content lives in a small quaint town where nothing ever happens to them.

Alex, on the other hand? She’s hardened by loss and divorce and the constant fear that people will mistreat Jay just because his mother’s a lesbian.

So she feels calmer around this crowd now that Maggie stands off to the side, keeping a light eye on things, smirking when she caught Alex’s eyes lingering on her. They only speak a handful of times, Maggie letting Alex be the perfect hostess without getting distracted.

Alex heads into the kitchen to prepare the cake, and doesn’t notice somebody follow her in.

“You think I can’t see what you’re doing?”

Alex jumps, clutching at her chest. “Max, you scared the hell out of me.”

“I see you, eye-fucking your little girlfriend in front of all our friends.”

“They’re not my friends.”

“I don’t give a shit. You’re not even trying. And I warned you, remember?”

“I’m sick of this back and forth, Max. Just let me be happy.”

“I don’t like you with her.”

“You don’t get a choice.”

“Don’t I? He’s my kid, too. You think my father wants his only grandson hanging around two dykes? You think anybody will give you custody over that boy when you’re holed up with some drifter? Ain’t nobody gonna think that’s a good idea.”

“I’m a good mom,” Alex whispers.

“You think I fucking care? This is the last time I’m gonna say it, Alex. Stay away from her.”

Alex wants nothing more than to tell Max to leave for good, to get out of Jay’s life and never come back. But her hands are shaking, and hot, angry tears prick her eyes and she’s scared because she can’t lose Jay. She’s frozen in place, and Max leans in close, his mouth almost touching her ear. She can feel his hot breath and smell the beer he’s been drinking and she feels hatred flood her being.

“Now go out there,” he whispers, “and serve that damn cake.”

She doesn’t know how she does it, but Alex manages to stay calm for the rest of the party. She serves Jay’s cake and talks with parents and says thank you to her guests as they leave. All the while, she can feel Maggie’s eyes follow her. She refuses to make eye contact, refuses to look at her. She knows if she does, she’ll fall apart, she’ll lose any strength she convinced herself she had. She doesn’t know how she’s going to do it. Maggie has so quickly become a constant in Alex’s life, secure and reassuring and calming. Maggie wrapped around Alex like tendrils in a garden she never meant to plant, she eclipses the sun and still provides light and warmth. She knows Alex in a way she’s never been known, and Alex relishes in the fact that Maggie takes the time to study her, to understand her, to know her.

Which is why she’s not surprised, when after the party, Maggie approaches her. She tilts her head that way she does, and furrows her brow.

“What happened?” she asks simply, and Alex can’t stop the tears that start to fall. Maggie rests her palm against Alex’s cheek, wiping away some of the tears with her thumb, but Alex shrugs away from her, unable to stomach a touch so intimate.

“Max-” Alex sees the rage pass through Maggie’s eyes momentarily. “He’s serious this time. He doesn’t want me seeing you. I think he’ll really try and take Jay away from me.”

“This… I didn’t come here to make things harder for you. I just want you to be happy.”

You make me happy , Alex desperately wants to yell. You’ve made me happier than I ever thought I’d be and it scares me.

“I know Jay is the most important thing,” Maggie continues, and the resignation in her voice cuts through Alex, breaking her in a way that she never thought she could be broken. She wants to say she’s sorry, that if she could, she’d find a way to always be with Maggie, but words seem to escape her.

“You deserve the world, Alex Danvers. And I so desperately want to give it to you.” She doesn’t reach out for Alex again. Instead, she smiles sadly and walks away.

She knows it isn’t rational to already miss Maggie as much as she does. She hasn’t known her all that long and barely knows anything about her. She doesn’t know what rank she was in the army, she doesn’t know her parents’ names or why the hell she had decided to walk to Louisiana.

But what Alex does know is that Maggie is the most patient person she’s ever met, something she’s proven with training the dogs in the kennel and with handling Jay. She laughs more with her eyes than anything else, though Alex revels in the sound of Maggie’s laugh. She’s got a dry sense of humor and she’s terrible at pool and she prefers beers over Alex’s drink of choice, gin and tonic. And her kindness, her quiet, gentle kindness radiates through her and comes as naturally as breathing. Alex feels Maggie’s kindness in every glance, every smile, every touch.

Alex doesn’t know much about Maggie, but it doesn’t matter, because she’s already falling for Maggie. Only now she won’t be there to catch her.

“You’re making a mistake,” comes Jonn’s voice from the kitchen doorway. Alex tries to dry her eyes, though her efforts are futile.

“I had to do it.”

“Throwing away what you have with Maggie just to please some jackass is foolish, Alex, and you know it.”

“It’s not that simple, you know it’s not that simple.”

“But it is! You’ve been letting Max control your life ever since you said ‘I do’, and enough is enough. You think you’re the only person Maggie changed around here? Jay’s as happy as he was before Kara died. Hell, even I’m happier because I can see how much she cares for this family. You’re being selfish.”

“I’m doing the best that I can!” Alex yells, pleading for Jonn to understand.

“This isn’t about doing what you think is best to save what you have,” Jonn says softly. “This is about doing what you need to do to ensure you get everything you deserve.”

“Who says I deserve anything?”

“You deserve to love whomever you want to love, you deserve to live a full and happy life. Whatever you decide, I’ll support you. But Alex… I’ve seen the way that girl looks at you, as though you personally hung each and every one of the stars. Maggie didn’t just change you; you’ve changed her.”

///

Hours later, it finally hits Alex.

She pulls into Max’s driveway and he stands in a white tank top and shorts covered in car grease. The car comes to a stop, just inches from where he stands and Jay barrels out of the car and towards the house. Alex gets out shortly after, a steely determination etched into her features.

“Jesus, you gotta learn how to drive that thing,” Max tells her. “Y’almost hit me.” He doesn’t catch the almost-manic gleam in Alex’s eyes, instead just grabbing Jay’s bag from the backseat.

“Do you wanna stay for dinner? I was gonna order -”

“I finally figured it out,” Alex says, cutting him off.

“Excuse me?”

“You don’t want full custody,” she says, her voice eerily calm. “You never did. You can’t handle a child - your own damn child - for more than a night. And you’ve been like that since before we moved out. You’ve been holding this over my head for years , threatening me with taking him away. But you know what? If you want custody, I’ll fight you for it. I’ll fight you all the way to the bitter end. Because I am a damn good mom. I know it, you know it, everyone in this godforsaken town knows it. And you bet your ass, Judge Lord knows. So if you want full custody over my son, you better make sure the next time you contact me is through a fucking lawyer.”

Max is speechless, his mouth gaping like a fish. Alex smirks at him, before getting into the truck and pulling back onto the street.

Exhilaration rushes through her and she feels strong and bold and ready for anything.

But there’s only one place she knows she needs to be.

///

The door’s unlocked and the house is still and Alex swears she can hear her own heart pounding. She’s never seen Maggie’s house before, but it’s quaint and a bit dusty and Alex can see how much care Maggie has put into it. But there’s no time to stop and admire Maggie’s handiwork.

“Maggie,” she calls out, but there’s no answer. She can hear water running and follows the sound, making a beeline for Maggie’s bedroom. The shower sits off the bedroom, on a small balcony that’s been boarded up to give it some privacy. A trail of clothing leads to it, and Alex realises for the first time that Maggie’s not wearing anything. From behind, Alex can see the curve of her thighs, the muscles in her shoulders and back. The sight of Maggie, covered in water, is the most erotic thing Alex thinks she’s ever seen.

She storms through the bedroom, unable to contain herself any longer. A tiny ‘oh!’ manages to slip out of Maggie, but all of a sudden Alex is kissing her. They’re a tangle of lips and hot breaths and moans, as Alex’s hands roam Maggie’s body. It’s so unlike their previous kisses; where the others were slow and steady and sensual, this is desperate and rushed and hot. Electricity pulses through them both and Alex feels whatever it is that tethers her to the earth snap. For this moment, the only thing that keeps Alex from floating away into nonexistence is Maggie herself. Alex feels the walls of her life collapse and rebuild, with Maggie at her very core. Alex kisses Maggie fiercely, and Maggie kisses her back with an equal ferocity, greedy for contact and unwilling to pull away. They kiss as though this is the last thing they’ll ever do, as though at any moment they’ll lose each other and whatever it is they’ve got between them will cease to be.

Maggie’s hands find the bottom of Alex’s now-soaked shirt, and she pulls it up over her head as Alex steps out of her pants. She shivers as Maggie undoes her bra and kisses her neck, making her way slowly down. She doesn’t think she’ll hold out for very long, as Maggie lightly licks a trail down her stomach and edges closer and closer to her centre and from there it doesn’t take long before she’s crying out in absolute ecstasy, trembling under Maggie’s touch, unravelling in the arms of the woman with whom she has irrevocably fallen in love.

Maggie stands up, kissing her again. This time, it’s slow and it’s deep and Alex knows it says things that Maggie can’t explain in words.

And as the sun sets beyond the trees, Maggie leads Alex towards her bed, their fingers intertwined and their hearts filled with each other.

///

The bed is filled with mangled sheets and the hot, panting breath of Alex and Maggie. They lie tangled together, Alex’s head resting on Maggie’s bare chest. Alex traces the tattoo on Maggie’s ribs, just beneath her right breast: perfect unhappiness is equally unattainable.

“Perfect unhappiness?” Alex asks as Maggie’s fingers play with her hair.

“It’s from a book my aunt gifted me the day after I enlisted. I got it after my second tour. We all know that we’ll never be perfectly happy - that’s what the first part of this quote says - but sometimes we need the reminder that we’ll never be perfectly unhappy, either. There’s always something worth fighting for.”

You’re wrong , Alex thinks, because maybe perfect happiness is lying beside Maggie and still feeling the pleasure of her touch. Maybe perfect happiness is the unbridled adoration that envelops them both. Maybe perfect happiness manifests itself in perfect love, under the driving forces of fate and destiny.

“Why did you come here?” Alex asks. In this moment of perfect happiness, she doesn’t register the beat of hesitation before Maggie answers, doesn’t hear the way she speaks in half truths. In this moment of perfect happiness, Alex smiles at Maggie’s answer and leans over to kiss her, and she knows exactly why Maggie truly came to Louisiana.

“I came to find you.”

///

When the organist at Jonn’s church breaks her wrist, Maggie finds herself being volunteered for the position, very much against her will.

“Maggie can play, Grandpa Jonn!” Jay says, after Jonn hangs up the phone.

“Champ, I, uh, don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“But why! I heard you play, I know you’re good at it!”

Maggie looks to Jonn, who stares back with puppy dog eyes, and she looks to Alex who stifles a laugh.

“I’ll tell you what,” Maggie says, “I’ll play if Jay plays alongside me.”

“I don’t want to,” he says immediately.

“You’re just as good at the violin as I am at piano.”

“I said I don’t want to!” Jay yells, running from the room and out the back door.

Alex sighs. “I’m sorry-”

“No need to apologise for him,” Maggie says. “I get it.” She stands and kisses the top of Alex’s forehead, before following Jay’s footsteps.

She finds him, unsurprisingly, at his treehouse. It’s small and crudely made from old wood. It sits above a small river, connected to the riverbank by a rickety rope bridge that Maggie doesn’t think will hold even her own weight.

“Can I come join you?” she calls out, and when she gets the nod of approval, she carefully makes her way across the bridge, making a mental note to fix this up for Jay whenever she gets the chance; there’s no way it’s safe in its current condition.

She sits across from Jay.

“I’m sorry I pushed you,” she says. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“I like playing the violin but I’m not very good,” he admits. “Kara used to teach me and now it kinda makes me sad.”

“I know the feeling. Playing the piano reminds me of my mom, and we don’t talk much anymore, but I still love it even though the memories hurt. It’s called bittersweet.”

“Like the chocolate?”

She smiles. “Exactly.”

“What if I mess up?”

“Well that’s the best thing about performing in a church, you got a forgiving audience.”

“It’s scary.”

“I know, which is exactly why I need you up there next to me. You see this?” Maggie holds up her dog tags. “This one’s mine, but this one outlined in black, that’s my best friend’s pair. Her name was Susan, and she always had my back in the field, was always at my right hand. We made sure we were both okay. Now, I don’t have Susan with me anymore, but I do have you. And I would be honored if you would be my guy on the field. You watch my back and I’ll watch yours.”

“And you’ll help me practice?”

“As much as you want to.”

“And you’ll be by my side the whole time?”

“Ride or die, buddy.”

So they practice. A lot. And Maggie has not once thought that she could replace Kara as a stable presence in Jay’s life, but as they play together, Maggie’s feelings towards the piano become a lot less bitter and a lot more sweet and part of her wonders if Jay feels the same way.

In another lifetime, she thinks, in another lifetime Maggie never had to go through hell to find such a sweet existence. In another lifetime, her parents never kicked her out and she met Alex and fell in love in a normal way, not through well meaning stalking.

But god, did going through hell make this existence all the more sweet.

///

Max never liked church.

When he was younger, it was because his tie hurt his neck and his dad made him talk to old rich men who shook his hand too hard and called him ‘son’ a lot.

Now, Max hates church for similar reasons. He can’t escape his father’s control. He’s grateful for the job his dad got him, but he doesn’t like the strings that come attached to being Judge Lord’s only son.

Usually, Jay makes it bearable. He’s a weird little kid, but Max loves him anyway. Usually Max sits beside Jay and ignores the glares that Jonn throws his way. But today Alex is with them, and Max doesn’t dare go near them, not after his last run-in with Alex; he’s sporting a bruised ego and doesn’t feel much like apologizing.

And she’s there too, the short drifter who thinks she’s better than him. She sits at the piano and the pastor keeps thanking her and she plays perfectly with the choir.

When Jay stands up and begins to perform, Max feels his heart sink. He should be sitting with his family right now, not at the back of the church cowering from his ex. His father should be proud of him, not staring gratefully at some army bitch.

All Max ever did was try and support his family and earn his father’s respect, but Alex kept fucking that right up. All he wanted was to be a family, why couldn’t she give him that? She had loved him once, why couldn’t she love him again?

Finally, not one minute too soon, the service is over, and people pour out of the church in their Sunday best. He spots his father talking to Maggie, his mother kissing Alex on the cheek and the only thing he can think of is getting down to the bar and having so much to drink that they have to carry him out.

“Hey, Max?” comes a voice from behind him, and Max turns around to see Mike, an old high school friend.

“What’s up, Mike?”

“Remember a few months back I told you about that dropkick asking around about Alex, had a picture of her and everything?”

“What about it?”

Mike points. “That’s her.”

Max follows Mike’s line of sight and sees Maggie, standing shoulder to shoulder with Alex.

“The short Latina one?” he asks sharply. “You’re sure?”

“I’m positive, bro.”

He knows that Maggie’ll probably spend the rest of her sunday at the Danvers, as she’s done every other week.

(He’s not stalking her, he’s just keeping an eye on his family.)

Max decides it’s time to pay Maggie’s house a visit.

///

Maggie’s used to every day being the best of her life. Since her and Alex started dating, the sky seemed bluer, the sun seemed brighter, and the real reason she had come to Louisiana drifted further and further away from importance, almost forgotten as it lay between two books on the shelf. Of course, she still needed to tell her girlfriend - she had a girlfriend! - the truth, but the moments she spent with Alex, the days she spent with Jay, were all too perfect, she couldn’t lose them.

She had finally found happiness and she planned on holding onto it as long as she could.

After she and Jay had played their duet in church, they headed back to the Danvers home and had spent the afternoon and evening together, her and Alex always close, gravitating toward each other unintentionally, skin brushing together and fingers intertwined. Thinking of Alex as the woman she loves should be irrational and anxiety-inducing - especially given Maggie’s less than stellar dating history - but it feels natural instead. It’s as though Alex has always been in Maggie’s heart, lying dormant and waiting for the day Maggie picked up that photo, waiting for the day she had walked into the kennel.

Maggie doesn’t know much, but she knows that it’s getting harder and harder to leave the kennel and say goodbye.

On her walk home in the warm, Sunday evening air and with Zeus by her side, she thinks that Alex Danvers may well be the love of her life.

As she reaches her property, she senses that something’s not right. She can’t quite put her finger on it, but uneasiness sits in the pit of her stomach as she walks into the house, and her suspicions are confirmed when Zeus begins growling and pawing at the ground.

She walks through the kitchen, and everything seems normal, as does the small, almost bare, living room.

She enters the bedroom, and the air feels still, as though it’s waiting with bated breath for something to happen. She glances around, and spots a scuff mark by the foot of the dresser.

Someone’s been here.

As soon as the revelation hits her, she rushes to the shelves, where the books have multiplied over the past months and taken up most of the available space. But she goes straight for the crack between Moby Dick and The Sun Also Rises, the only two books she had brought with her.

There was nothing there but empty space.

Maggie tears the rest of the books from the shelves. Maybe she had moved it. Maybe it was somewhere else. But she knows she hasn’t touched her book case in weeks.

Her breaths are rushed and she feels her chest constrict and her pulse races. Tears prick her eyes and she crumples to a heap amongst the strewn books and gathered dust.

It was gone.

The photo was gone.  

///

In the weeks that follow, she asks around town, trying to find the owner of the photo.

Nobody ever comes forward.

She puts the photo in the front pouch of her vest for safe keeping.

It stays safe, and coincidentally, so does Maggie.

She avoids bullets and she sidesteps attackers. She wakes up on time even when her alarm doesn’t go off, saving her from angry higher-ups.

“You owe your girl your life,” Vasquez tells her from the front seat of their Jeep.

“She’s not my girl,” Maggie replies.

“Ever since you found that photo, you’ve been untouchable, invincible. You gotta find that chick and you gotta thank her.”

“You know what?”

“What?”

“If I ever manage to get out of here, I’ll --”

She never finishes the sentence. They’re hit by an IED, and the truck is engulfed in flames, flipping over several times. There’s no time to register what happened, there’s no time to feel fear or scream or anything.

The rolling Jeep slowly comes to a stop. Pain radiates through Maggie’s body as she hangs upside down in her seat.

“Vasquez,” she calls out, “Are you okay?”

She feels blood rush to her head. “Susan, talk to me, buddy. Are you okay?”

She knows she’s not going to get answer, she knows Susan won’t respond.

The photo burns a hole in the front pocket of her vest and her guilt-riddled safety doesn’t feel like a coincidence anymore.

///

“Can I come in?”

Alex sighs, and opens the screen door, letting Max in to the house.

“This better be good.”

“I’m… I think I’m here on official police business, Alex.” Max says. She studies his face, and finds nothing but solemn truth. She gestures for him to sit down, and takes the seat opposite him.

“I found this at Maggie’s place,” he says holding up a small white rectangle.

“Why were you at Maggie’s place?” she asks sharply.

He doesn’t respond. Instead, he slides the rectangle over to her.

It’s as if time slows to a stop. Alex knows what lies on the table, she’s seen it before. She can see her own handwriting on the back of it, an almost illegible ‘keep safe’. She remembers the day the photo was taken and she remembers the day she cut it out of the family album and wrote the message on the back.

She remembers the day she pressed into Kara’s hand and watched her sister leave home for the last time.

She doesn’t want to pick it up, she doesn’t want to turn it over and confirm what it is, but she knows she has to.

Time resumes and she sees herself in the photo and she feels her heart drop into a black pit of nothingness.

“Mike told me a while back that someone was showing this photo around town, asking after you,” Max says, and Alex barely registers his words. “I think… she may have stalked you.”

“This, this was Kara’s picture. I gave it to her myself,” Alex says and she doesn’t recognise her own voice, filled with confusion and thick with desperation, as though she were praying that none of this was real.

“I’m worried, Alex. This lunatic stalked you, infiltrated your life, and never mentioned this once, never mentioned knowing Kara. The army, being in action, it does strange things to a person, but I’ve never seen this.”

It can’t be true, any of it. There’s no way Maggie - her sweet, generous, thoughtful Maggie - could be so unhinged as to have done this.

“And I don’t wanna speculate,” Max continues, “but remember what they were saying about friendly fire?”

Tears well and drop before Alex even realises. Max reaches across the table and covers her hand with his own. She doesn’t flinch away.

“All I’m saying is that a lot of things don’t match up with what she’s been telling you.”

///

The screen door is open already, and Alex sits at the table in stony silence. Maggie enters the room and Alex doesn’t acknowledge her presence, just staring ahead.

The picture firmly in her grip.

Maggie kneels down beside Alex, careful not to touch her, knowing she needs her space. She wants nothing more than to embrace her for what might be the last time, to hold her close and let her heartbeat convey her sincerity, let her touch remind Alex that she knows who Maggie is, she knows all the important stuff.

For a moment, neither of them say anything. They coexist in silence as they both shift to a new reality, one where the picture exists and nothing makes sense.

Maggie finds her voice first.

“I tried to tell you. So many times, I could never --”

“Tell me now.”

Maggie stands again. And for a moment, as she finds the words, the terror of that night floods her being.

“It was the morning after a raid. It had been a long night, I’d lost a couple of men along the way. And it was just sitting there, among the rubble. I tried to find its owner, I tried hard. Nobody claimed it though. Finding something like that in a warzone was like finding an angel in hell. And after a while… I survived things I shouldn’t have survived. I made it home when some of my best friends didn’t. And when I did, I promised myself I’d find the incredible girl in the photo, and try and thank her for saving me more times and in more ways than I ever could imagine. And I tried, I tried so hard to tell you. But how… how do you explain something that makes no sense? How do you explain something that you don’t understand yourself?”

She’s not sure when she started crying, but she haphazardly wipes the tears that fall down her cheeks. She would give anything for Alex to understand what she’s trying to say, to accept that all she ever did was try her hardest.

“This was meant to keep her alive,” Alex says. “It was supposed to keep her safe, not you.”

Maggie speaks in no more than a whisper. “I wish… I wish with all my heart that it had.”

And then for a moment, they exist in silence once more, the truth finally hanging tensely between them.

And then--

“You should go.”

She doesn’t beg for forgiveness, she doesn’t kiss Alex one last time.

Maggie walks away from the house, trying her hardest to not to listen to Alex’s sobs, trying her hardest to keep her own in.

She’s barely past the front gate when she hears her name being called.

Whirling around, she spots Jay sprint towards her and her heart somehow sinks even further into an abyss of her own making.

He reaches her, slightly huffing and out of breath.

“Take this,” he says, pressing a book into her hand. In the moonlight, Maggie can see that it’s his chess book. “Am I still gonna be your guy in the field?” he asks.

She hugs him tightly, tears now flowing freely. She takes the dog tags from around her neck and hangs them around his neck.

“Always,” she replies. “Take care of your mom, buddy.”

Maggie walks away before she breaks down completely, feeling more alone than she ever has before.

She’s lost everything.

///

Jonn finds her in the garden.

Alex is grateful for the overcast weather; she’s glad the weather matches her mood. She feels numb, hardened by Maggie’s revelation and unwilling to put her heart on the line in any way again.

She only has herself to blame, she thinks. She shouldn’t have become so open to happiness, she shouldn’t have trusted Maggie as much as she did.

Maggie was the reason Kara was dead.

Or, that’s what she kept telling herself. Because Alex felt betrayed, she felt as though Maggie had betrayed everything that had been between them and everything that could’ve been.

Alex sits in the garden she built with Kara long ago, the garden where she had first opened her heart to Maggie.

Jonn sits beside her.

“I don’t wanna hear it,” she preempts before he can talk.

“You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

“But I know you’re gonna take her side, you always do.”

Jonn sighs softly. “Alex, I’m always in your corner, I’m always on your side.”

“It’s her fault Kara’s dead.”

“You know that’s not true.”

“But I think I want it to be.”

“It’s not Maggie’s fault she survived, and it’s not up to me or you to punish her for it. In the middle of hell, she found a sign, a symbol. Now, I know you don’t believe in miracles, but for whatever reason, fate or destiny or whatever it is, led Maggie straight to you. And I know you wish Kara were alive; I wish it, too. But Maggie is here and she’s changed you and you changed her. You’ve saved each other. And I’ve lost too many people in this lifetime to let a small error in judgement make me lose another.”

“She lied to us, Jonn. How can you just forgive her?”

He smiles sadly. “Because I know she won’t forgive herself. ”

///

Most of her things are packed in her backpack and Zeus sits at the foot of the bed. Outside, she hears a crack of thunder and sees the lightning flash moments later. Rain begins to pour, leaving an almost metallic smell in the air. Maggie takes a look around the mostly cleaned out room, and tries to ignore the fact that for the first time in a very long time, she finally feels like she’s home.

Because now she has to leave.

She’s not sure where she’s going to go, nor what she’s going to do. She’ll probably head back to Nebraska for a bit, and see Issy.

She sits on the bed and she holds the chess book Jay had given her, trying to fight back the tears that threaten to fall. It’s an older book, coming apart at its spine, and Maggie opens to the front page. She runs her finger over the name scribed in the top corner, K. Danvers.

As she thumbs through the pages, she comes across a photo nestled towards the book’s centre. She recognises Jay, of course, his smile wide and his hair as untamed as ever. He’s in the arms of whom Maggie assumes is Sergeant Kara Danvers in her military uniform. She looks nothing like Alex, with blonde hair in a tight bun and bright blue eyes that shine from the photo, though there’s a definite resemblance between her smile and Jay’s. She has a tattoo, a simple sunset that takes up most of her forearm.

A tattoo that Maggie knows she’s seen before.

Sunny .

Before she can think, Maggie runs out of her house and into the pouring rain, leaving a barking Zeus in her wake, but she doesn’t care. All she knows is that she needs to get to Alex.

She knows what happened to Kara.

///

The rain falls hard and fast, a summer storm that locals know will wreak havoc. When she was little, Alex loved to lie in bed and listen to the water hit against her window. She loved when Kara would crawl into bed next to her and they’d huddle together and count the time between the thunder and lightning, a reassurance that they would be safe.

“Why are you here?”

Alex sits at her kitchen table, wishing she could be upstairs, under her covers with Kara beside her. Instead she faces Max, drenched from head to toe, his breath heavy with drink and his eyes filled with a plea he’s yet to voice.

“Alex… I, I want us to be a family again,” he says. “You, me and Jay. We can be happy, I can make you happy and keep you safe. Please.”

“Max…”

“It’s all I’ve wanted, Alex. I can make you happy.”

“Max, I know you care for Jay, and I know you know… you know I’m… I’m gay. This… it’s not going to happen, Max.”

“That’s it? You just want to give up a happy life for Jay? For us?”

“C’mon, Max. You need to let it go.”

“Let it go? Let it go?” Max stands from the table, a manic look in his eyes, his voice getting louder with every word. “Why should I let it go?” Alex doesn’t remember the last time she had to diffuse a situation like this with Max. Often, when they were married and Max had had too much to drink, he’d get like this. Alex was always good at trying to calm him down before he went off the deep end.

“Max-”

“No, shut up!” He yells. “Maybe I should just go ahead and take Jay, huh? Take him now, for good. I warned ya, didn’t I? Jay! Jeremiah, come on out, buddy! You and Daddy are gonna go on a trip together!”

The dread doesn’t have a chance to build up, instead it floods her instead. She feels as though she’s drowning in fear and there’s nothing she can do to stop Max from doing something stupid.

“Jay!” He calls out again. “Come out to Daddy, Jay!”

“Stop, it Max -”

“Jay!”

“ - You’re gonna scare him -”

“Jay boy!”

“ - Just calm down -”

“JAY!”

Alex blood goes cold when she hears Jonn’s voice call out her son’s name. He comes barrelling into the room, and she knows something’s dreadfully wrong.

“He’s gone, ran out the front door.”

Thunder sounds ominously in the distance, and Alex knows exactly where Jay has headed.

“He’s going to the treehouse,” she gasps.

Max seems to sober up instantly, and runs out the back door, calling Jay’s name.

Alex follows right after him.

Jonn can do nothing but watch from the back porch, mumbling a prayer under his breath, watching the rain pour with ferocity.

///

Maggie barely registers the rain at this point. She had run all the way from her place to Danvers Kennel, and feels as though she’s soaked through to the very bone.

As she jogs up the driveway, she can see Alex run from the house and into the rain, Jonn standing on the porch watching her go.

Amid the roar of falling rain, Maggie can hear her scream out Jay’s name as she rushes into the storm.

Maggie bypasses the house and follows Alex.

“Help them, Maggie!” she hears Jonn call.

That’s all I ever wanted , she thinks. I just wanted to help them.

///

Alex stands on the bank of the small river on the edge of their property, and watches a nightmare unfurl before her. All she can think is,

That damn treehouse.

The old rope bridge has collapsed into the water, hanging onto the treehouse by what seems like barely a thread. Jay hangs onto it at the base of the treehouse, his body in the water, the current pulling him, his chubby hands holding on as tightly as possible.

“I’m coming, Jay!” Max calls out to him, pulling himself along the bridge and towards his son. The river crashes into him, wild and out of control. When he reaches Jay, he wraps his arms around Max’s neck.

From the shore, Alex’s body shakes with fear as she watches helplessly. Why aren’t they making their way back?

And then, out of nowhere --

Maggie.

///

Maggie launches herself into the water without second thought. She holds onto the old rope bridge and pulls herself forward, ignoring the cries from Alex, focusing on nothing but the image of Jay and Max ahead of her.

“Take Jay,” Max yells against the storm, “My leg’s stuck, I can’t get loose. Take him and go.”

Jay wraps his arms around Maggie’s neck, whimpering into Maggie’s neck.

“I’ll come back for you,” Maggie vows. “I’ll come back.”

She makes her way back to the riverbank, and Jay yells in her ear.

“Dad! Daddy!”

He’ll be okay, it’ll be okay , she wants to promise, but water fills her lungs and she’s not sure it will be.

And then, they’re back on land and Maggie lets out shuddered gasps, trying to get as much air as possible before heading back in. Jay is safely in Alex’s arms and Maggie takes a look at them one last time before turning back.

She wants them to be the last thing she sees, just in case.

She’s barely put a foot in the water when Alex calls out Max’s name and Jay shrieks a bloodcurdling scream and time slows. Maggie watches as the old treehouse finally come down on top of Max, as it gets dragged away by the storm-fueled current.

Maxwell Lord gets dragged away with it.

///

The property is damp and humid, leaves strewn about and the grass gleams in the moonlight.

It’s almost as though the storm never happened. The only things that remain are the wet clothes, the flashing blue and red lights of the ambulances and police cars, and the heaviness of loss that hangs in the air.

Maggie sits on the back of an ambulance, her left wrist wrapped tightly in a bandage. A paramedic cleans and dresses a cut on her face. She works in silence, and Maggie revels in the silence; she doesn’t think she has any power left in her to talk to somebody. She watches as Judge Lord orchestrates the workers around him, a slight hunch in his shoulders the only clue that something is wrong.

Once she’s given the all clear, Maggie approaches him and sees the sadness in his eyes, the mourning that plagues him. When he sees Maggie, he sends away the emergency workers and shakes her uninjured hand.

“Thank you for saving Jay,” he says, and despite his large frame, he seems small and broken. Maggie makes sure to look him directly in the eyes.

“It wasn’t me, it was all Max,” she says earnestly. “Max saved him.”

Judge Lord nods his head, and for the first time that night he sheds a tear.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Maggie whispers before walking away.

Around her, the night feels like it used to back in Iraq. The world goes back to normal, and yet loss weights heavy on her heart.

///

Maggie’s back at the Danvers household the next morning. She knows they need their space after the events of last night, but she hopes to finally get this over and done with and be out of their lives for good.

She’s caused nothing but heartache and trouble since arriving, and it’s time to bring some peace back to Alex’s life.

She finds Jonn nursing a cup of tea at the kitchen table. When he sees her, he stands and hugs her tightly. He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t need to. Maggie feels his gratitude in his touch, his sombre thanks pulsating through him.

“I’ll go get Alex,” he says finally, and disappears up the stairs.

Moments later, Alex appears in the doorway, and just like every time Maggie sees her, it takes her breath away.

“I’ll get out of your hair soon enough,” Maggie promises, “but first -”

“Thank you. For saving Jay.” Alex says, and Maggie smiles sadly.

“You don’t have to thank me.”

She holds out a photo to Alex - the one she found in Jay’s book - and she smiles fondly when she sees it.

“I found this last night. I came back one last time because I know what happened to Kara.”

Maggie knows that whatever Alex was expecting, it wasn’t that. Shock passes over her features and her eyes well with tears.

“How..?”

“I recognise her tattoo. I saw her the night before I found your photo. Our platoons crossed paths during a night raid, and they were calling her Sunny. And then we were ambushed. One of her men got shot, and she just… she helped her man before anything else. Before anything could happen, she was also gunned down, trying to save the life of a fellow soldier.”

She hesitates before continuing, and forces herself to look at Alex. “I know… I know I’ve made it hard for you to believe anything I’ve said, but I hope you believe me when I say this: Kara Danvers died a hero.”

Alex lets out a choked sob, and reaches for Maggie’s hand.

“Thank you,” she manages to get out, “thank you for this. For everything.”

“I walked all the way from Nebraska just to say the same to you. Thank you for saving my life back then. And thank you for helping me rebuild it now.”

Without another word, she stands up and she walks out of the Danvers’ house.

She walks down the wide highway road that leads back to her house. She walks with her head held high and a weight lifted from her chest. She thinks about heading home, back to Issy. Of maybe finding a new kennel to work at, or maybe a carpentry, somewhere where she can make use of her hands and do calm, quiet work. Of maintaining the newly found peace that radiates from her very centre.

“Maggie!” She hears her name being called and stops in her tracks. Slowly, she turns around, and sees Alex jogging towards her.

Maggie calmly walks back toward Alex, and they meet, Maggie’s heart racing, and Alex huffing from the run.

“Stay,” she breathes. “Stay with me, with us. Don’t go.”

And then, in a smaller voice--

“I love you, Maggie. I’m in love with you.”

She surges forward and kisses her, slow and deep and familiar. Maggie rests her forehead against Alex’s.

“I love you, too,” she whispers.

And they stay like that, holding each other in the middle of the road, relishing in the other’s touch. Maggie wishes she could stay like this forever, and then - as her heart skips a beat - she realises that she can, hold Alex for as long as she allows.

Eventually, they’ll head back to the house and Jonn will give them a knowing look and Jay will join them for breakfast.

Eventually, Maggie will phone Issy and apologise for disappearing, explaining everything that’s happened. And they’ll go - as a small family - and visit her aunt and cousins and Issy will tease her for being so in love and Maggie will pretend that it annoys her.

Eventually, Maggie will buy, demolish and rebuild the old house and that’s where they’d live together, just ten minutes away from Jonn and the kennel.

And eventually, they’ll marry under a canopy of love, their souls uniting as lovers and partners, and they’ll have another son and a daughter, siblings for Jay and manifestations of the love that lies between them, the love that yearns to spread and grow and live.

Finally, they’ll live the rest of their lives together, destiny having brought them together all those years before, fate embracing them and keeping them afloat.

They’re happy and they’re in love and they always will be.

And Maggie knows she’s one of the lucky ones.