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With nervousness, Honey gripped her fingers around her glass, in an almost compulsive gesture. She shouldn't have came here, it was sincerely the worst idea she could have had. This idea was coming from her, in fact, and not from Nick. Her husband was now less close to her, since a time.
She didn't complain about it, their relationship wasn't as it used to be, since a moment. Since the party at Georges' and Martha' home, in fact.
(And it was not a coincidence.)
Nick slept with Martha. The worst of it, is that it wasn't even that which disturbed her the most. It was that, and other things. It was what the two other people there insinuated during the evening. The acidic and corrosive remarks.
Almost hateful.
And true, sometimes, in the end.
In a certain way, it was what hurt the most Honey. They showed her what she didn't want to see, what she kind of already perceived, but that she didn't want to tell herself.
Nick and her should have never been together. They didn't love each other, or it wasn't the case any more, and if it ever was real, it didn't last. As she sent their poison on them, Martha and Georges almost despite themselves pointed something the young couple didn't see.
Their story wouldn't last.
Or, at least, it wouldn't be joyous.
Nick wasn't the only culprit in the fact that things were bad between them.
She did it too.
Because what Martha told her, this famous day during the evening made her world being upside down, woke up a great trouble in her, and broke all the certitudes she ever was able to have before.
Honey didn't like women.
Well, it was what she believed. Except that what Martha said her some days before made her shiver on the moment, and even after.
Even if her proposal had no chance to be true, it tempted her. In an atrocious and delicious way, she imagined all of this.
And it burned her. A desire she never suspected woke up in her, as if what she live d with Nick didn't count. As if all the things she thought she knew about herself never existed.
She couldn't do that. Listen to her body, she hadn't have the right. She was married, just as Martha, and they couldn't do that.
It was wrong.
It couldn't be. And by the way, it was just something which wouldn't last.
It was, right ?
And if it was, well, why did her body still burned her, at this party ?
§§§§
The young woman's nervousness had a sense. She was alone, in a party where she knew no one, and Nick wasn't with her. He didn't want to come there, pretending that he was sick, but she knew.
H e didn't want to come with her . Another sign that their story was almost over. But, at that moment, things were still quite good, she drank a little, right, but not too much. No one was staring at her, or looking at her in a bizarre way.
It seemed like she was invisible, and they were all indifferent to her. After a moment, seeing it, she became calmer, breathing more easily.
W hy was she thinking to Martha ? At that moment she didn't know.
(Maybe because she was her obsession since she saw in her home ?)
In fact, there was a reason. The party where Honey was, it was a party where Martha was supposed to be, as she was invited as her. She should have been here, and it was the reason why the young woman was stressed.
And it was for this reason that she absolutely wanted to come, unlike her husband, who didn't want, even though he knew that Martha would be there. He ignored how much the party with the two other people troubled her.
If she was here, it was to prove to herself that no, she felt nothing for Georges' wife.
Absolutely nothing.
She never had so much the impression that she was lying to herself.
When she understood that it was a lie, she sighed, feeling really, really miserable. And alone. She didn't even miss her husband, she was just waiting for time to pass, and that the party finished, with her glass of alcohol still in her hand.
Another lie.
She wanted to see Martha.
See her again.
Talk to her.
Touch her.
In order to make her trouble disappear, trouble which came back every time she thought about Martha, or about her hands, or her fingers, she drank another part of her glass of alcohol.
It wasn't something which worked, of course, and things get worst then.
§§§§
Suddenly, as she succeeded to calm herself little by little, the door opened brusquely, and the person Honey wanted and didn't want to see entered then.
Martha was there, pride, smiling, and shining.
And alone.
Honey was looking at her, couldn't stop herself from doing it. Being forty-six, she was as beautiful as before, especially this evening. The young woman didn't really pay attention to it before, but it was really visible right now.
M artha was beautiful, more than she seemed to be, and it was just as if Honey just noticed it, at this precise moment. Wearing an elegant blue dress, she was absolutely splendid, according to Honey.
She was smiling, talking with other people, from one to another, with rapidity, having a word for all of them. It strongly surprised Honey, who had a bad memory from the party, remembering how terrible Martha' words could be.
But there, far from Georges, she seemed to shine, and there was not any more this rancour that scared so much Honey some days before.
As it was done, Martha walked directly in her direction, with a magnificent smile on her lips. And he doesn't even surprise Honey ; she is expecting it, and maybe that, without knowing it, it's what she wants.
Because Martha is beautiful, likeable, and that the only fact of seeing her moves her.
But nothing will happen between them, she promises to herself. Nick didn't stop himself from cheating on her, but she won't do the same thing.
Except if Martha keeps her charming and flirtatious smile on her face during all the evening…
Of course she does it.
On her side, Martha gives a long interested look on Honey, who is drinking again. The dean's daughter had a smile ; she finally understood that, when the young woman was stressed, during a party, she chose to take her glass of alcohol in order to hide her confusion.
It was what she did during the previous party, just after the salacious and crude proposal Martha made to her. She couldn't see it right now, but Martha was devouring her with her eyes.
This is what she does since the party that became a true nightmare, since the delicious insinuation she dared to formulate, since the moment where an adorable blushing took place on Honey's face. Since the young woman can't look at her in her eyes any more, Martha can just do it.
It was a game, at the beginning. To mock the two young people's prudery, to see their reaction full of shock, their indignation, even their disgust. It had been the case for Nick, and it would have been enough for Martha, if it had been the same for Honey.
Except that Honey blushed. Didn't protest. Was disturbed but not horrified. Drank a little, in order to calm herself and not to show to them the thing she didn't want them to see.
Except that Martha saw it.
Desire.
And also a hidden envy, hidden to the eyes of everyone, even to herself.
And maybe, maybe that Martha' perfect mask became fissured during some seconds as she saw it.
To love women when you're one isn't a thing to do. Not at this time in fact, not at hers. She doesn't understand it. Martha is a free and independent woman. At least, she tries to be. Parade with a woman would provoke a scandal. She knows it, and it's the reason why she isn't that direct ordinary.
She cheats on her husband, openly, just as he must do too. It had been since years that they have nothing more in common, except their perverse game, that they do in front of their friends or guests. Yes, she is cheating on him, and everyone sees it, and her male partners are often known by the other.
The one she talks with know more or less with who she sleeps. In a way, it's a normal thing to do for them, after twenty years and more of common life with Georges. Her behaviour shocks a little, some people, but it's accepted, because this, it's in the norm. In a particular norm, true, but it's a thing no one really condemns.
The thing no one knows, not even Georges (maybe that he is suspicious, but she doesn't care) is that she is sleeping with women too.
Especially women, in fact. She often sees women as more interesting (and more attractive) that the men with who she sleeps.
She isn't a lesbian woman, and she knows it, but this attraction toward women is a thing she feels since forever. And this young Honey, fragile, innocent, and so unhappy with her dear Nick woke up something in her, something she didn't suspect.
It didn't happen immediately, in fact, she saw the young woman, reserved and naive, as kind of a too naive woman. Which was not completely false, but her kindness and her innocence finally appeared to her as both qualities and defaults.
The fact is that, she likes this young woman. Really.
And apparently, it's reciprocal.
§§§§
They are talking, of everything and nothing, as old frien…
No, in fact, it's false.
In reality, the one of them who decided to talk was obviously Martha. The other woman just answered to her because of social convention.
“How do you think this party is, my dear Honey ?
- Entertaining.”
M artha smiled, and then, she took advantage of the silence to drink a little. Wine, Honey thought ; she herself was drinking bourbon. Before this evening, she never needed so much to drink.
Between nervousness and hidden desire, this party wasn't going to end well.
It wasn't as if she wasn't used to it, with Martha.
The lips of the woman in her forties are red as blood, and for a second, Honey asks herself what it would be like to kiss her, at this moment.
In the front of everyone.
As if she had followed her thoughts, Martha smiles to her, again.
Honey can't handle this smile now.
She is suffocating, burning, and in a way, this smile is what makes everything topple.
This, and maybe alcohol too.
(Especially alcohol.
And the scorching look the other woman is giving to her.)
She is lost, completely, she looses herself in Martha' eyes, and then, for the first time, she doesn't really know what to do.
The discussion continues, again and again, and the young woman finally snaps out of it, and she finally succeeds to hold a true conversation up. And as the evening continued, the glasses ran down, and Honey confided more and more in Martha.
Not talking about what mattered, the fact that she overwhelmed all her universe, all her certitudes, everything in which she ever believed. But she talked about the fact that she couldn't handle Nick, and that it was his case too, and that their couple was going to explode.
In a normal time, in her normal state, she would have never dared to say it, but the alcohol was making her shyness disappear as the most of her inhibitions, and just right now, she didn't care any more about the possible or probable consequences, that would happen because of this confession.
Her life is a disaster, she knows it, she is conscious of it since a long time, and the person who did this and made her conscious of this is there, just next to her, and she doesn't care about talking to her about this.
“I guess you don't make love any more ?” Martha asked her with curiosity and maybe a little (a lot) of lack of shamelessness.
Immediately, Honey burst into laughter. She drank during this long evening, too much, and if it doesn't scramble her ideas, it makes her strangely receptive to what Martha is telling her, without being angry or shocked.
It amuses her, because what the other woman is saying is true. And also because she isn't even disturbed by the idea of talking about her sexual life (or the lack of it) with the woman who just slept with her husband while she was sick during almost all the party.
“No, she answered then, not since the party. And even before it, in reality.”
All of this doesn't make sense any more, and the only thing that seems normal and reasonable is how much Martha seems to be irresistible, and it's also the fact that she doesn't want to lie to herself any more.
And maybe that i's the alcohol or something else, or maybe that her ideas are becoming clearer than before, but the fact is that Martha' smile doesn't seem to be seductive, and it is different.
It is a satisfied smile.
Then, Honey's look darkened, as the young woman feared that she may be understood the truth. The dean's daughter's smile was victorious, happy, and Honey had the sensation to be trapped in a game, or kind of.
A perverse game, to which she refused to take part.
A profound disgust then invaded her, as also a need to vomit. She was looking at Martha, who was still smiling, and was making some incisive comments about the other people in the room, not noticing what was happening in the young woman's spirit.
And then Honey understood, and believed she did.
“You like, don't you ? She then whistled in a bitter way, a way which was too visible, despite her efforts to hide it.
- What are you talking about Honey ?
The surprise which is on her face is real, and seems sincere. But the certitude that she had been betrayed hurts Honey, she thinks that there is no truth in all the things Georges' wife told her, or did.
“All of this… this situation. The fact that my husband and I, we are not fucking any more.”
Honey puts an emphasis on the word, and the crude word leaves her mouth and she doesn't try to stop it. Astonishment is still on Martha' face, and then, without knowing why, Honey feels like she is going to cry.
She doesn't know why, too much alcohol, too much despair, the loneliness she is feeling whereas she is living with Nick. And there is this desire she doesn't understand and that Martha woke up in her.
And if she is now sure of one thing, is that Martha just did things in order to manipulate her, she is sure of it now. With no warning, full of anger, she decided to stand up, ready to leave.
If she really left, it would certainly make other people gossip, so she decided to stay at the party, for a time, and just went into an empty room. To do what, she didn't know, maybe cry and also lament for no real reason.
(Ah, yes… the fact that she was attracted by a woman who just played with her.)
She didn't expect to be followed by the other woman. Or that the other woman, wanting to understand her strange behaviour, would take her hand, and stop her.
“Martha, let me go, suddenly whistled Honey.
- I won't ! And you're going to explain me what's going on, because I understand nothing to it !”
With a brusque gesture, Martha locked the door, and Honey became pale. She was trapped, and couldn't flee. She walked away from her.
“What did I do to you ? Why Honey, why are you so angry, so sad ? Why are you crying ? What did I do to you ? Except that I had it off with your husband ?”
Honey didn't make any remarks about the sentence, trying to calm the anger growing up in her, facing Martha' speech.
“The thing you did to me ? She screamed. Are you laughing at me ? You already know it !”
Martha stayed frozen because of the fury that was coming from the young woman.
Ok, she clearly misjudged her. And if circumstance had been differences, Martha would have used a cliché remark, also effective, on the fact that Honey was incredibly sexy when she got angry.
And even at other moments, of course, this evening, as the woman was wearing a red dress sublime that showcased her.
Maybe too much, according to Martha.
“You're wrong.
- Oh, really, really ? You have no idea of what I am talking about?
- No, tell me !
- I am talking about your little game, that surely made you laugh, and not only you, by the way.
Martha frowned.
- Wh… What ?”
Taken by her rage, and also pushed a little by alcohol, Honey didn't contain herself.
“Do you think I am stupid ? That I didn't see everything in your behaviour ? What I saw during the evening, what you told me. Your allusion, your looks, the things it could insinuate. That was terribly hilarious, no ? To mock the poor little wife of the university lecturer.
- Honey, please, stay calm, you don't know what you're saying.
- And by the way, do you really care ? No, you don't care about me ! What am I for you, except a poor innocent and naive girl ?”
Honey was trembling and crying, and Martha didn't understand why.
“What do you want me to do ? The dean's daughter exploded, disconcerted.
Surprised, the young woman raised her head. She shouldn't have.
Not as in front of her there were Martha' sublime lips.
“I… she hiccuped.
Kiss me.
- That I apologize ? For something I didn't do ? What do you want, god dam it ?
C onjure God in this situation wasn't the best idea of the world, but Martha didn't really know what to do.
Honey finally lost her apathy, and her ideas became more clear.
Kiss me .
For a time, someone was asking her what she wanted, what she really wanted, she wasn't going to deprive herself.
And for the first time since a long time, she knew what she wanted the most, at that precise moment.
The other one was still talking, but Honey didn't listen to her, as a new light appeared in her look.
“That I...”
Suddenly, taken by a sudden impulsion, the younger woman decided to throw herself on the other woman, in order to make her stop talking with an…. unconventional way. By kissing her.
When Martha felt the lips of the young woman against hers, she tensed because of the surprise, before she began to smile.
And, to her surprise, the other woman was extremely enterprising, and she liked it.
Martha needed just some seconds to get a grip on herself, and she used it to finally reply to the kiss, also embracing lightly the young woman.
They then walked away from each other after some seconds, both panting and desperately gasping for air, as Honey's face was full of confusion, and that Martha had her famous smile.
Ironic, amused, or seducer ?
Maybe the three of them in the same time.
“Well… Martha whispered with difficulties, it was… unexpected. And not displeasing, I have to say it.
Without thinking about it, she licked her lips, a little pensive. Lips that Honey was still looking at.
- You… you don't blame me ? Asked Honey, a little surprise herself by her own past boldness.
- For what ? That you jumped on me and that you savagely kissed me, almost as if your life depended of it ? No… I don't see why.
Honey blushed.
- It's funny, don't you think ? Martha said. Some seconds before, we were having a violent argument, and with no warning, you then stole me a kiss. Splendid one, in fact. And I would like it to do it again with you.”
Honey started. It was clearly a proposal, clearer and more limpid than the one of the previous party. As she heard it, she couldn't help but blush again, and she felt a new time a familiar heat invade her belly.
Martha' amused and a little touched look was now on the young ingénue. Which wasn't that much, apparently, because of what she did before. To initiate her to this, that is to say love (and sex) between women could be really entertaining.
Especially that her future “student'” seemed to be really enthusiastic to this, even if she was trying, with no success to hide it.
And, as they were alone in an empty room, locked, with no one who could disturb them, why wouldn't they begin it now ?
§§§§
Honey was giving in. Martha had this effect on her since she knew her, that she made her feel a lot of contradictory feelings in the same time.
F ury, despair, and desire.
It was that that made her kiss her a moment before. A thing she didn't regret, even though her “moral” side was screaming to her that it was a mistake.
So, first, there was what she was feeling since some days, and that Martha' allusion may be woken up.
A nd then, all the moral or social interdiction that were questioning what she wanted.
Well, she wasn't helped.
And she just cheated on her husband.
Even though he did the same thing (in worst, as she just kissed the other woman), it shouldn't have been a problem for her. But it was.
Which explained why she was so… irresolute.
A thing that Martha tried to make disappear.
After all, it had been a long time since she had a relationship with a woman, and the one she had with Nick had just been a short hobby. Pleasant and sympathetic, right, but nothing more, and it wasn't an experience she would try again.
U nlike his wife, who could be more interesting. After she would be debauched, for sure.
For now, she was just a pretty doll, but she could become more than that.
And Martha was going to do it with pleasure, to “educate” her, on some things she may ignored.
“Tell-me, she asked with curiosity, was it your first… try ?
Honey blushed, and nodded her head, a little discountenanced.
Martha smiled.
- You know, she added, you should stop blushing every time, even if your face becomes really adorable, it shows that you don't have the control on your emotions.
The other one just blushed more.
- I… I will try.”
Without waiting for Honey to add something else, the woman in her forties then approached the (her future lover ?) young woman, and stole her another kiss. That she stopped rapidly, staying stick against her.
Honey was disturbed by the situation, it was an evidence, that she was trying to hide with more or less talent. But she was exited too, an excitation that was just growing up in her since some days. Which was there since Martha just came there.
And it was that which was going to explode, there, now, if Martha didn't leave her.
A thing she didn't intend to do.
“I wanted to know, she said to the young woman who wasn't crying any more since their first kiss, would you want to… go further ?
The formulation was ambiguous without being really, and it was more delicate than other things that Martha could have said. She could have been crude, as the other day, but she didn't want to.
She wasn't playing a game, not this time. She didn't want to play with Honey this evening, only… satisfy their respective desire. And make disappear their frustrations, at least, for a time.
And Honey perfectly knew what the other woman was talking about. She wasn't naive that much either ; but she was hesitating.
- You know, Martha added, my proposal is still real. The question is to know what you, you want.
Honey was still looking at Martha' fingers, the mouth suddenly dry, not knowing what to do, as they were still against the other.
- What… what I want ?
- Yes. What do you want ? That I make love with you against that wall, right now ? She asked her, with a smile and a lustful look. That I make you scream so loudly that you would forget your own name ? That I make you come so strongly that you will have the impression that it's your first time ?
Honey thought about it, hesitating, not knowing what to do. She could have say no, at that moment. She should have.
Cheating on her husband was not a thing to do, but she so much wanted to do it that her landmarks were more and more blurring.
And her husband got laid with this woman, so she could do it.
She could sleep too with Martha.
Wanted to .
Her decision was finally easy to take.
“Touch-me”, whispered the young woman with a husky voice full of desire.
A bright smile appeared on Martha' face, and she came even closer to her, and her hands crossed Honey's magnificent forms, finally grabbing her ass.
“With pleasure, my dear”, she said by kissing the woman a new time, before pulling her directly against the wall, still kissing her.
After some seconds, Honey shuddered, as she felt a hand going between her tights.
She almost moaned, and there, it was for something, and she could have collapsed on the ground if Martha hadn't have her in her arms.
The other woman then began a movement of back and forth, firstly slow, then rapid. The eyes of the young woman opened wide, suddenly, as she tried to hide her screams of pleasure, that she was hiding by continuing to kiss Martha.
When she finally reached orgasm, Honey let herself fall on the ground, as Martha was walking away from her. This one took then a napkin on which she cleaned her fingers, as Honey finally stand up, a smile on her lips.
A moment of total peace appeared between them for some seconds.
Honey's legs were trembling, and she would need time to succeed to recover from her emotions. They stayed there that way, saying nothing during fifteen minutes.
Honey's cheeks were pink, and a blissful smile was now on her face.
It had been… perfect.
She had what she wanted, maybe more. All this sexual tension present between the two of them, didn't disappear, but had been appeased, at least.
Just as she was.
But would it be enough ?
Oh, no.
Did she want more ?
Oh, yes .
She didn't know what, but she wanted something else , something stronger, something that would go far beyond what she ever had with Nick.
What ?
She still didn't know.
But the fact is that she was eager to discover it.
“Martha ! She said, by talking to the dean's daughter, who just lighted a cigarette.
- Yes ? Martha answered her with curiosity.
- This is not over ! Said the young woman to her lover, trying to keep her voice as firm as she could.
A mocking and a little amused smile appeared on Martha' face.
- No. Don't worry, in fact, it just began.
She approached the young woman, and kissed her a new time, and then put her hand in Honey's hair.
- Goodbye”, she whispered to the young woman, with some tenderness.
And she decided to go, leaving Honey alone in the room, still panting, and transported by what just happened.
Then, she smiled with a real joy, and a pleasure non hidden, and she brushed for the first time of the evening her lips a little blown-up.
Then, she revised her judgement, formulated earlier during the evening.
Obviously, to come here had been the best idea she ever had since a long time.
And Nick and all the other who could think that what she just did wasn't good could just go fuck themselves.
Deeply.
§§§§
To go back at her home, in their apartment, was longer than usually, as she took her time, not wanting to go back home immediately, she didn't hurry.
When she finally entered, she stayed along the door for a time, still smiling, stars in her eyes.
Nick was there, on the sofa , seeming to be waiting for her.
He then raised his head, and asked her :
“Hello deary, tell me, how was your evening ?”
Honey froze for a time, and began to smile. And she thought about Martha again, her eyes, her smile, her fingers. Her fingers in her, in reality, and not only in her fantasy, the way she kissed. The physical pleasure she had from it, the orgasm the other woman gave her.
And all these things Martha made her discover during an evening, and how much it had been marvellous.
She decided that she had to choose well her words, this time, at least.
- Well, it was… astonishing”, she whispered, a happy smile on her lips, more for herself than for her husband.