Archive of Our Own ^beta

Jean Kirschtein, signing in. I'm here to tell you a little story.

Start of the story starts with a broken playground. Weather's bleak and the clouds completely block the sun. It sucks. I'm probably 11 years old at this point.

I heard yelling and whimpers under the slides, and they were starting to bother me. No one else seemed to mind, but they were annoying the hell out of me. And when I looked under, I was surprised to see a bunch of older kids under there yelling at a big ball of coat. I crawled in closer to see why they were yelling at a coat, of all things, but then I saw two eyes peeking out from it and a mop of raven hair- and freckles. It was a person they were yelling at. And then I actually listened to what the 8th graders were saying- they were calling the coat, or rather, the person under it a whole bunch of names all relating to weight- whatever insulted someone wider than others you can possibly think of - and with each one I could see those amber eyes fill up with more and more tears. And when I crawled over even closer, he looked at me, his expression pleading for help. I was awful heroic when I was in 6th grade, so I wasn't about to back down when the 8th graders finally noticed me and told me to fuck off, in a nicer way of course. I stood my ground and yelled at them, I told them to beat it or I'd beat them. I wouldn't actually because my parents would kill me if I did, but it somehow worked, and it was just me and the freckled kid under the slide. It took a while, but I looked at him. He slowly peeked out of his coat, and I vaguely recognized him. He was my classmate, but I didn't hang out with him a lot. I didn't see him around a lot either, probably because he does a lot of his work in the 7th grade classroom. If I had I probably would have known he got picked on for his weight a lot, and that time was only the first time I saw it happened out of many, many times.

"Why were they calling you names?" I had asked him, plopping myself right down next to him and getting a lot of rocks in a lot of places that they weren't supposed to be in. I adjusted myself so rocks weren't pinching me and stabbing me, then got comfortable against the wooden beam supporting the structure above us.

"I'm fat," he whispered without pause, like it was rehearsed, and then sniffled. He looked like he was about to cry, and I felt bad, so I laid a hand on his shoulder. I wasn't sure if he wanted the contact, but I kept my hand there anyways.

"You aren't fat. You don't look fat," I told him, my nose wrinkling up as I looked at him. He really wasn't, he was just rather wide. A bit of chub, but that was it. He looked average, if you thought about genetics and how maybe it was a family thing. (Spoiler alert: it wasn't.) Thinking about it now, hearing a kid at that age say something like that and in such a way that I clearly remember breaks my heart.

He sniffled again, and smiled at me, a tiny smile. I remember him thanking me, and we hung out under the slides for a long time, talking about things we liked to get to know each other a bit more. I learned his name was Marco. He had a lot of interest in art and he liked to draw flowers. He had promised to draw me one sometime, and during the next class is when I got it. It was damn good, I'll have you know.

That was the start of Marco and I's friendship. Whenever people picked on him I would threaten to break their face, and Marco would smile at me. That same tiny smile he had given me after saving him the first time. It was adorable.

The first weeks with Marco as a friend were... awkward. I mean, no one really liked the kid, and only because he was wider than others. I didn't get it, I really didn't. Marco was hilarious and really sweet, and I loved all of the flower drawings he gave me. I hung them all up in my room, even. But no one liked him, and it took a while before things were less awkward when he sat down for lunch with me in the cafeteria. Sasha was the quickest to warm up to him. She isn't all that judgmental and after she got to know Marco, she became good friends with him. Armin was next. Armin was really smart and one of the least judgmental people I know, and although he didn't hang around Marco that much, they became good friends. Connie, Eren, Mikasa, Reiner, Bertholdt, and Krista were the next ones to finally accept him into our friend circle. Connie was friends with Sasha's friends, Eren was friends with Armin's friends, with the exception of me, Mikasa didn't actually seem to care about anyone other than Eren so I assume she likes him and thought she was safe since she allowed Eren to hang with him, Reiner gets along well with people and found Marco rather funny, Bertholdt can get along well with anyone who doesn't scare him easily, and Krista is the sweetest little girl ever, she could never not like anyone. Annie and Ymir aren't people people, so they didn't warm up to him as well.

Not only was I in Marco's defense whenever some stupid 8th graders would bully him, but so was Sasha, Armin, Connie, Eren, Mikasa, Reiner, Bertholdt, and Krista. Hell, sometimes Ymir would jump in. After a while I noticed Marco's mood lift considerably, with making new friends and the bullies slowly and slowly getting off of his tail.

Still, sometimes when I would spend the night at his house and we secretly stayed up longer than his mom wanted us to, we would talk about really deep shit. He said that sometimes he wanted to hurt himself or die, and whenever he did I would hug him. I would hug him even when he fell asleep, and I would keep hugging him even when I went to sleep. We would wake up hugging each other and, honestly, it was sort of awkward. Just a little. But we didn't mention it the day after, we acted like it had never happened, and since he never asked for it to stop, I didn't. It made him feel more secure about his weight, even if it was just bit by bit. It helped, so I didn't stop.

In 7th grade, we started going through this awkward stage of puberty. Well, Marco did. Not only were people picking on him for his weight, but they were calling him out on his voice and the very few pimples that he would get, and my puny self wasn't enough to get it to stop anymore. It made me feel useless that I couldn't help my best friend, who I noticed was getting even more and more upset, but he assured me it was okay. He told me one day that he had finally gotten the nerve to tell vice principal Levi about it and get it all taken care of. Even though the bullies had to clean the entire cafeteria, they only got really mad at Marco and they never let up. And Marco didn't go back to Mr. Levi, either. He told me that the guy is terrifying, and I don't doubt it. He told me that it looked like he didn't care if he was being bullied or not, and that he didn't feel safe with him. When I suggested actual principal Erwin Smith, he just paled and kept eating.

We had more sleepovers during the 7th grade than the 6th grade, and Marco's mom was like the mom I wanted but could never have. Even with the awkward puberty stage that Marco was going through and I was nearing, we would have tons of sleepovers and talk about deep shit, we would talk about his depression and his weight, and, as usual, I would hug him to sleep. I would make sure I let go before I went to sleep though, because it was pretty awkward, what with the puberty and all.

And he came out as panromantic. Which isn't a problem, honestly. You sometimes can't help but feel weird when your best friend has a chance of wanting to date you or something. But it wasn't a problem, he could like whoever he wanted.

I made a realization though, summer after 7th grade.

Marco and I were talking about girls (boys/others as well) we liked, typical thing we did every so often. I was thinking about Mikasa while he was thinking about... I don't recall. But we were thinking about our crushes and the way they made us feel. I thought of the fluttery feeling in my chest and the grin I would get on my face. I knew the feeling, but I never felt it around Mikasa. Well, I did, I used to. But it wasn't the same. I knew the feeling, and I was thinking about who it was around that I felt it. As soon as Marco shifted next to me and his shoulder brushed mine, the same feeling was there. I panicked. I was feeling the fluttery feeling I got when I thought about girls, around Marco? My best friend? My best guy friend? I think he noticed the air around me tense, because he looked over at my pale face. He asked me if I was alright, and the fluttery feeling was there again. It was late enough I could lie, so I just said I was really really tired. And he believed me, so he let me go to sleep while he drew for a while. But I didn't fall asleep right away, because I was thinking about what I felt. I was thinking about why I found it cute when he said 'oops' before I could hear him erase something. I was thinking about why when I saw his face I couldn't help but smile. And eventually I couldn't get rid of the thought. I liked Marco. I really liked Marco. I was in love with Marco. And I was scared, but I was... I was happy. It was that feeling, the feeling when you get a new crush and you're just walking on air, but then you're scared and nervous because what if they don't like you back? And even when I heard him climb on to his bed to pin up the picture he was proud of, then flop back down on to it, turn out the light, and whisper goodnight, I couldn't get rid of the butterflies or the crush, and I couldn't get to sleep until hours later.

I started to act differently around him, I think. And it showed. After a few sleepovers he asked me about it. It was about a week after his birthday, I remember. And I decided to tell him, because I've had a crush before, and I got so deep I was heartbroken when I had finally confessed and they didn't even like me in the slightest. So I confessed to Marco before I was in too deep.

I took his hands in mine, and it was so hard to look at him, but I managed.

"I- Marco, I'm..." I told myself not to stutter, even when he raised one single eyebrow, god did I hate that but did I love that. "I'm... In love with you."

I looked down immediately afterwards, and eventually I let his hands slip from mine. He was silent. I didn't want to look at him. I could have done better with my confession, but what else was I going to say?

"Don't- don't mess with me, please," he whispered, his voice cracking. At that, I actually did look up, eyes wide.

"What? No, I'm not, I'm not messing with you! I mean it. Marco, I love you." The phrase tasted weird on my tongue, mostly because I haven't ever said it before. But it was true at least, and I wasn't going to take it back. He still didn't believe me though, and I was getting more scared and more nervous. Before I could continue, he opened his mouth.

"No one likes me, Jean," he whispered, and I let him continue no matter how much I wanted to object. "No one. Some days I feel like, I'll suddenly wake up and you're not here, that this is just a dream. Because no one likes me... be-because I'm fat."

"Marco-"

"No," he cut me off, still in a whisper. He was switching between from looking at me, and at his feet. "You- you don't have to try this hard. I know you don't want me to be sad but- you don't have to try by pretending to love me, its okay."

I stared at him in shock. I didn't know what to say. How could he think that? How could he come to that conclusion? I just let my mouth hang open, and I let him sit on his bed and I let his lip tremble, and I let his face scrunch up as he tried not to cry.

"You can stop pretending to be my friend," he choked out, and immediately hid himself in his sleeve. I didn't know what to do other than hug him like I always did when we would fall asleep, and I held him tight to me. I held him close, my fingers almost digging into his shirt. I held him and thought of what to say, even through his tears.

"If I was only pretending to be your friend I would have left so long ago, Marco, I swear. You're my best friend, alright? You're one of my only friends, and... Please, just, I'm not kidding."

He was silent as he buried his face into my shoulder. He was only sniffling now, and I could almost feel him thinking. He probably could hear my heart pounding hard against my ribcage as I waited. I almost broke out into a sweat I was so nervous, but he eventually looked up to me with an unreadable expression. And by unreadable, I mean he was too busy smushing his face into mine for a kiss I couldn't see it right. But I was happy- and my heart fluttered and I grinned through the kiss. And he was happy too, cause when he pulled back he was smiling sheepishly.

I took his hands in mine again, and paused. I straightened my face to let him know I was about to say something serious, and he did the same to get ready, although he looked far more curious.

"I don't care what you look like- alright well, I do, but I mean- I mean, I just, I, fuck," I shook my head, and he giggled a little. I started over. "I don't care if you're bigger than the other kids, because you're still really goddamn attractive. And- and, uh, you're really funny, and probably the nicest person I've ever met. You also draw me really cool flowers and cop cars, and well, the point is, I love you because you're, god, you're amazing Marco. I was so scared you wouldn't like me back."

I gulped a little and looked at him, squeezing his hands lightly as he seemed to process what I had said. A smile slowly started to creep on to his face and I waited a long long time before he decided to open his mouth again.

"Well, I love you because you love me like that, Jean," he said softly, pausing to scooch closer to me. "I love you because you love my body, and because you love who I am, and because you're my best friend, and because you're the nicest, douchey-est person I have ever met. And the fact that you're attractive is a huge bonus. I would go on but, knowing you, you would probably fall asleep," he chuckled after he confessed, and I punched his arm lightly.

"Not if you're complimenting me," I shot back, and we chuckled quietly. And then it started to sink in. That was my first relationship. And I had no idea what to do. I'm pretty sure he didn't know either. But we would figure it out together.

"...Does this mean we're... boyfriends?" I asked, the last word tasting weird on my tongue. He just smiled and leaned forward to peck my cheek.

We kept our relationship a secret from everybody after that for a long, long time. We didn't risk anything, and would only do anything intimate when we were alone in his room. We would mostly cuddle and stuff, sometimes we would kiss, and it was mostly because Marco was feeling insecure and scared. When I spent the night with him the deep shit we would talk about only got deeper, and if we didn't talk about deep shit I would hug him to sleep anyways. I loved Marco and I loved being in a relationship with him, though sometimes it was hard to remember that we weren't coming out to the public yet.

I remember the first slip vaguely. It was just Connie and Sasha though. We were all out behind Connie's house around a bonfire in our hoodies as we swatted away mosquitoes and drank soda in those weird red plastic cups. Connie and Sasha were flirting so Marco and I thought they wouldn't notice, but we ended up fitting our hands together out of boredom. It wasn't quite out where they could see it, yet still easily visible. And just as we finished and looked up, Connie and Sasha looked at us. There was an awkward silence where we stared at each other. I'm sure Connie didn't suspect anything since he wasn't that observant, but Sasha knew something was up.

"Are you two-?"

"No," I snapped, too quickly. I'm sure Marco wanted to smack me upside the head, but he didn't and I was thankful. I slowly sank down into my seat as Sasha continued to stare and stare.

And then she got this wicked grin on her face, and I knew she had it figured out. She made a motion to signal she zipped her lips. And then opened them to talk right away. That defeats the purpose, but whatever. It was Sasha.

"It's alright you cuties, I won't tell anyone. And neither will Connie, right Connie?" She smacked Connie in the arm, hard, to which he vigorously nodded. The poor guy didn't look like he knew what he was agreeing to. Though, Marco and I were slightly relieved, but we couldn't be too sure Sasha wouldn't let it slip. Thankfully she didn't tease us any that night, even when Marco and I held hands as the two continued to flirt, and Connie finally asked Sasha out. Finally.

The second slip was probably something we couldn't help. It was more of a not being attentive thing on our part. I was spending the night at his house, and he was sitting in my lap as I watched him draw on a comfortable silence. I had my chin on his shoulder and my hands were resting on his tummy lightly. We were so focused on his drawing that we didn't hear his mom come around and open up the door. It was too late to move, and she was staring at us. We stared at her. And then she asked,

"Jean, what do you want on your potatoes?"

We didn't talk about it during dinner or even that night or any time in the morning or even before I left. But the next time I saw Marco, he said that he sorted everything out. He said that he told her we wanted to keep it a secret from everybody please do not tell anyone oh god please, and his mom, in response, said to be careful. And that was it, besides that we were allowed to freely show PDA through her house if we wanted. Aw yea. We kept it to the bedroom though. No. Don't give me that look. Knock it off.

The third slip was... I'm not even sure how Armin got it. It wasn't even much of a slip, actually, it was just fantastic observance on his part. We were in the library with him, mostly because Eren had soccer practice and anywhere Eren is, you can definitely count Mikasa is there. Armin really needed to study for a science project though, and he didn't want to be lonely, so he roped Marco and I into keeping him company. As Armin was thinking hard and recording things on a sheet of paper, Marco and I were whispering to ourselves. I think it was about another sleepover, about how it would be the third night in a row and how my parents would get mad but I still wanted to anyways. Armin looked up and stared at us as we kept talking, and I didn't even realize how close we were until I heard Armin speak.

"Sorry, but, do you two... Have a, thing?" he spoke quietly so no one else could hear, and I was thankful for it. But we looked at him like deer in headlights, and that's what gave it away. He just smiled like a little shit and went back to studying. When I threatened him and told him not to tell, he seemed a little offended we didn't have more trust in him.

The fourth slip was one of the worse ones, probably mostly for the fact that it was rather humiliating. For me, anyways. I don't exactly remember what situation we were in, but we were with Bertholdt, Annie, and Reiner. I think we were swimming with them? During winter. Oh yeah, it was that stupid winter challenge. The 5 of us were all nominated by each other, and we had to jump into the lake by Bertholdt's house. Annie had gone first and then went back to the house immediately afterward. Reiner went next and then stayed around to watch (push) Bertholdt in. The poor guy is so tall he hit his head on the bottom of the lake when he was pushed, and only because he wasn't close enough to the water to avoid it. But he was okay, just in pain and surprisingly not shivering. Curse him and his ability to preserve body heat better than us all.

Marco and I were the last to jump in. He was nervous and I was too, not gonna lie, so when we both jumped in we did at the same time. We even clung to each other like babies. I could only hear Reiner laughing his goddamn ass off as I emerged from the frigid fucking freezing water and supported Marco, who didn't know how to swim very well, back to the shore.

I hadn't even noticed that we were holding hands until I caught Reiner staring at us. Bertholdt was too, but not in a judging sort of way. He just, looked. But Reiner, he looked like he had wheels spinning in his head. I immediately let go, but of course it was too late and I was freezing. I just ducked up the hill and to the house before the staring contest went on any longer. Thankfully neither of them said anything about it, at least not after they whispered something to Annie and she said "I know".

The next wasn't a slip at all. There was no slip. Not a permission slip nor a detention slip. No slip. Just the senses of a lesbian.

The group was studying in the library in silence. Almost silence. Reiner was beep-beeping at me and Marco (apparently that was his gaydar that no one else knew about), Eren kept tossing papers at everyone and getting yelled at for it, and Sasha was eating chips very loudly and giggling also very loudly with Connie. The only people who weren't sitting at the table with us were Krista and Ymir, but they appeared later on.

I felt Ymir walk by me, and then again as she turned to stand behind Marco and I. We both turned to her, but she just smiled and chose a seat next to Krista. She whispered something to the blonde, who looked actually quite surprised, but also like she already knew whatever Ymir told her at the same time. Not even a minute after I looked away, I felt my phone buzz. Marco's had too, apparently, because he looked down the same time as me.

From: Ymir
i can smell the gay on you, btw.

In unison, Marco and I looked up, shocked. I looked at Ymir, who smirked a wicked smirk, and Marco looked at Krista, who giggled a wicked giggle. No one noticed though, and I couldn't wait for the bell to ring so I could get out of the stares we got from huge homo Ymir and her goddess of a girlfriend Krista. They're evil, I swear.

Mikasa and Eren didn't find out though. And I was perfectly okay with it. I did used to have a major crush on Mikasa, and Eren just doesn't need that sort of information.

So almost everyone in our friend circle, and Marco's mom, knew about us. About our relationship. And they were all fine with it. Sure we would get teased, mostly from Reiner and Ymir and sometimes Sasha, but we were accepted. It was sort of a relief, I guess. It still didn't change that we were not going to come out to the entire school. Yet. We would have to eventually. I was scared of that day.

The summer after freshman year, Marco left. I mean, he didn't move or anything. He just left for the summer to go live with his dad and go to a camp, I think. I missed him so, so much. We were able to talk on the phone, though. Not for long because the camp didn't like him on his phone much, and his reception wasn't good. Every time I called him, which was a few times a week, his voice changed. He didn't sound so much like a kid anymore. He sounded so different, once when I had called him I thought I got the wrong number. He was just about done with puberty changing him, but I was in the middle of it. Every time my voice cracked Marco would chuckle, sympathetically, though, since he knew what it was like. I got horrible acne and I just couldn't wait for him to get home ever since he said he would come back a new man. I missed him so much.

He got home the day before sophomore year started, and I hadn't even known. I left my phone at home while I hung out with Connie, Sasha, Eren, Mikasa, and Armin. After getting in a fight with Eren I decided to go home. I was in a sour mood, cursing Eren, cursing the heat, cursing my puberty, and cursing how much I missed Marco. But when my house was in view, I stopped. A figure was on my doorstep, hunched over. It looked like Marco, so I ran over. And I slowed down only feet away from him, blinking my eyes and opening my mouth so I was gaping. He smiled at me, the most wonderful smile I have ever seen in my life. It made my stomach do flops and I almost puked right there- but the major thing was that, Marco was thin. His body was not the same shape it had been. All of the chub was gone and now he was thin and toned very slightly with muscle. I couldn't move, because one: he was fucking hot. Two: I was wondering if he was forced to lose weight at all? After years with Marco my mind seemed to just rush to those things, it's not like I had to sit and think hard about them.

His smile faded and changed to concern as he approached me, and I had to look up at him. I was torn between kissing him and hugging him and punching him in the stomach. But I didn't do any of those things, I just stood there like a doofus, and so did Marco. He finally spoke up though, after a long silence.

"Well, I say you're pretty surprised," he mumbled and offered another smile. When I kept staring at him he bit his lip and looked down.

"...Do you not like it?"

I realized then that I should probably start talking, or else it might end up in an awkward fight right in front of my house. I grabbed him by the wrist and slowly tugged him along towards his house instead.

"I- no, I- I like it," I said quietly at first. "I wasn't expecting it, is all. I wasn't expecting for you to be so... hot." He chuckled at that. "I sure did score huh?" I muttered, more to myself than Marco.

He chuckled again, a low, deep vibration in his throat, and it took all my willpower not to kiss him right in front of those kids swimming in the pool while they still could. There was a short silence as we crossed the street.

"You, uh," I started and scratched my head. "You look amazing. But, if you had stayed the way you were, honestly, it would be okay-"

"I know," he cut me off, and turned so he could smile at me again. "I wanted to do this. For myself. I know the way I was, was perfectly fine and you'd love me for it either way- but I wanted to try this out. I wanted it, and I'm glad I did because I feel amazing."

"I bet you do," I noted under my breath, and sort of hoped he wouldn't hear me. But let's face it- it was Marco I was walking next to. He obviously heard. He hears everything. He hears Armin thinking during tests and that's why he aces them without studying, damn him. Maybe if I didn't blast my music so loud the neighbors can hear it through my headphones I might have those super hearing powers too.

"Are you healthy?" I had eventually asked, a bit timid. He was quiet for a moment as he looked down at me quizzically, and I felt a little stupid for asking. He looked hella healthy, but I had to make sure.

"Of course."

It was silent again, and Marco's house was in sight. We were walking awful slow, so I was surprised to see it already. We let ourselves in, but before I could walk all the way inside I was suddenly pressed up against a wall, namely the closet, namely the fucking doorknob jammed into my back, being kissed by Marco. Hard. It was fantastic and everything I could ever hope for, except for the doorknob, but I didn't really care because I loved kissing him like this, it was something new and fantastic and he was so hot I couldn't help myself anyways.

Bless him for kicking the door shut beforehand otherwise the old couple across the street would get quite the view.

I pushed him off when it was hard to breathe and when the pain in my lower back was too intense, and he held me close to his chest. He thread his fingers through my hair and I just focused on clinging to his now taut back- and it was amazing to feel the muscle and bones under my fingers. He breathed down my neck, and something that sounded sort of like a moan left him.

"I missed you," he whispered against my skin, his fingers running down my neck and shoulders and back again to take a tight hold of my hair again. I just held him closer, running my hands up and down his shirt. His breath tickled my neck- and suddenly there was a suckle and a pinch and a smacking sound that was sort of familiar but new in a way. I almost pushed him away.

"A hickey?" I almost shouted. I really did push him away when he started laughing, and I couldn't be too mad at him when he laughed like that. I rubbed the edge where my shoulder and neck met. It was slightly sore, and Marco was still laughing about it.

"It isn't funny, bro," I spat, trying my best to shoot him a glare. It took him a minute before he could form coherent words.

"I know, I know, hahaha, ahhhh, I'm sorry honey, I'm sorry-"

"Like hell you are. And don't call me honey. That's weird. Bro."

He shook his head slowly, and a few minutes were spent trying to get his laughter under control. Soon enough, he went back to clinging to me. Except gentler.

"I really have missed you," he repeated, his tone suddenly serious but soft, and it was his turn for his hands to move around my back and my turn to thread my fingers through his hair. His gorgeous, coarse hair. I love his hair. It's so shiny.

Right, anyways.

We spent the rest of the day cuddling/making out on the couch, eating food, and playing video games. I wanted to fall asleep with him that night, but my parents are jerks and wanted me home for at least the first week of the school year each year. I do wonder though how they haven't caught on that a) I hate them and b) Marco and I are gay for each other. But I'd like it to stay that way. Them not knowing, I mean.

Marco was waiting for me as he usually did when we walked to school together. As soon as I approached him, he smiled wide, kissed me, and grabbed my hand tight, intent on not letting it go any time soon. I was confused. And I expressed how confused I was by scrunching up my eyebrows as we started the walk to school.

"I'm feeling confident," he started explaining. "I think we should come out today."

"Marco- fucking- what the- no!" I sputtered out and tried to screech to a halt, but he was bigger and stronger than me and kept dragging me along. My hand felt like it was going to be ripped off.

"We don't have to make a big show. But we don't have to hide it either," he proposed. I thought it over as we waited for the bus to cross the street. The bus we could have taken. The bus Marco's mom didn't want him to ride. I bet the bus was warm. I bet we wouldn't be stared at by a ton of our classmates as Marco stared them straight in the eye, not bothering to hide our hand-holding. They were probably more concerned that Marco lost weight than that we were together.

We didn't talk a lot more the rest of the way to school, and the first thing that greeted us when we walked in for breakfast was a ear piercing shriek, a jumping Sasha(?), and the gross smell of gross eggs.

Sasha had shrieked, and she had also jumped on top of Marco, resulting in our hands to be unglued as he moved to catch her. Connie ran up to us a bit later, shaking his head. Sasha just had my boyfriend pinned to the wall as she hugged him and felt his muscles at the same time.

"Ohhhh my god, Connie get over here! Look! He has abs!" Sasha squealed, and as Connie walked over to see that yes he indeed had abs, faint, freckled abs, I could only think; why didn't I check for abs?

I stood by in mild annoyance as Connie got Sasha to calm down and some others came by to see what the big deal was. Once I saw an opening I returned to Marco's side like a dog, or something.

"Jealous?" he murmured to me, his eyebrows wiggling and fuck, don't do that I hate it. I hate it because I love it. I just glared at him and let him take my hand.

Bertholdt only got taller, Reiner only got muscle-ier, and Annie only got more... womanlier. They went somewhere else during summer breaks, so no one saw them besides themselves. I wondered if Bertholdt was going to stop growing, and the answer was no, because he grew some more until he was about 6" 3'.

I saw the rest of the gang over break, except for of course Ymir and Krista because they live all the way on the other side of town, so their appearances didn't phase me.

Ymir got curvier for sure. She looked so old for 17. It was scary. She could easily pass for someone in their mid 30s. And Krista was the complete opposite. She of course became more mature looking, but she always looked young, which contradicts my previous statement but not really because you know what I mean. I dunno how to explain it, but she would probably get kids discounts at theme parks. Evil lesbians, they were.

Speaking of lesbians, the Jaegers (or, well, Jaeger and Ackerman) still had no clue Marco and I were together until they noticed our hand holding aside from all of the 'Marco is skinny!' chaos. Mikasa didn't comment, but I caught her staring. She just nodded at me curtly and joined a conversation with Armin. Eren, however, had a more dramatic response. He didn't notice right away, of course, that stupid fuck, but he noticed soon enough, while we were sitting at the table poking at food and calming down from the exciting morning. I had given most of my breakfast to Marco because he was hella hungry after working out all summer and he was totally gonna burn off all the calories during PE class. I pretty much threw my food on to his tray in a touchdown motion and watched his face turn into a surprised expression as ketchup (ew) I had lathered all over my omelet because he loved it and I was gonna give it to him from the very start splattered all over him. His chest, mostly. He stared at me, ketchup coating him, and I just snickered pretty loud, and stole some napkins from Armin and started cleaning him off. I could feel Eren staring at me so I looked up and stared right back, a the-fuck-you-lookin-at expression crossing my features. I kept cleaning Marco off as we had a staring contest, and then threw the napkin at him. Mikasa held Eren back as Marco held me back, his hand then stuck to mine and we were glued once again, visible on the table. I had groaned inwardly and just let my free arm rest on the table and hold up my head. It was funny to watch Marco try to eat with one hand.

"...Wait," Eren spoke up, chunks of food still in his mouth. Disgusting. "Did I miss something? What the hell?" He motioned toward our hands. Everyone looked at him. And then they looked at me.

"You didn't tell Eren?" Armin spoke up, closing his book, apparently interested in the conversation then.

"I figured you would eventually," I answered, not looking away from Eren's face.

"Wait- you knew? Did anyone else know?"

"Dude, everyone knows." Reiner started laughing and patted Marco's back so hard he nearly choked. "I can't believe you didn't tell him!"

"Like I'd want him to know," I muttered and rolled my eyes. "If you have a problem with it Jaeger, you can get the fuck out. Door's a few feet behind you."

"No, I just..." Eren went quiet. "I'm just really surprised." He then nudged Mikasa and whispered, though loud enough so I could hear, "you're clear!"

"Just shut the fuck up," I groaned and rolled my eyes again. God do I hate that kid.

"I would say you needed to get laid- but it looks like you're on your period," Eren shot back. Oh my god then I wanted to strangle him so bad, I wanted to rip the fork out of Marco's hand and chuck the thing at him. I was gonna respond, but Marco beat me to it.

"Eren, you can bet your ass I can and will beat you up, so leave my boyfriend alone."

And that's when I truly knew I truly loved him to death.

Eren left a few minutes later, deciding that Marco was actually pretty terrifying and he couldn't stand to look at me anymore. Mikasa and Armin followed, and eventually Bertholdt, Annie, and Reiner crept away too. Marco and Sasha were splitting Connie's sausages in half so they could share, and I watched with mild amusement as Marco tried with one hand.

------

Marco maintained his weight through highschool and the year of hibernation after it.

The year of hibernation was where Marco and I took a break for a year from school, and focused on resting and working small jobs. Marco turned 18 sooner than I did and was free to do whatever, but I was still under my parents' reign until April. Thankfully we graduated together, so my parents couldn't force me to live under their roof anymore. Actually, they kicked me out when they heard I wasn't going to college straight away. I couldn't help it, and it was probably one of the worst feelings ever. I remember packing up the very few things I was allowed to have and arrived on Marco's doorstep at 11 at night with two full suitcases and a distraught expression.

I had tried to look for somewhere else to stay since I didn't want to bother Marco's mom, but there was nowhere I could go with the very little money I had. So I went to Marco's, and it probably should have been my first choice since his mom let me stay there during the year of hibernation. She said as long as I can get a job and pay for myself, she would let me stay here for as long as I wanted.

I didn't unpack a lot of my stuff, not really even my clothes. Most days I wore Marco's. They were comfortable and easier to get to, and made less of a mess. Plus he loved seeing me in them for some reason.

The first week, Marco and I slept, ate, and played video games. And that was all we did. And make out a lot, that too. The next week, we started looking for jobs. He did, I didn't. Yet. We would still be lazy and sleep a lot, but I needed a job if I wanted to stay there. So I applied for a lot of things. I was hired for a Burger King not too far from his house during the night shift. It was horrible. The customers were few, but they were grouchy from sleep deprivation and I didn't necessarily like driving home in the dark. So I quit. The Subway I got hired at instead for early in the morning was better. It smelled better, it felt better, the customers were better, and my coworkers were better. Actually, Connie had started working there. I thought he had moved away with Sasha, but he told me he hadn't yet. He needed money to actually move and not look suspicious when asking for a few more hundred bucks. Neither of their parents knew she was pregnant, after all.

Sasha didn't work, he told me. He had to work a ton of jobs to move faster, because the town was shit and he didn't want someplace so stressful for her. I wasn't sure how to respond, other than wishing him luck. He asked for my plans and I hesitated, but I told him I was going to go to college, hopefully with Marco, next year, but for now I was hibernating. I had it a lot easier than him, honestly. He had to work several jobs to support his pregnant girlfriend and find a good house in a good town to raise their first child, while I lived with my boyfriend in a good house with a good job and almost no worries until next year. I would make sure to let him have a lot of breaks during our shift, it was the only thing I could really do to help. And he seemed extremely grateful for it, so it was at least nice to know I was doing something effective.

About a month and a half of our hibernation passed, and it was great. Sometimes though, I would see my parents walking out of a big office building as I was driving to work, and it reminded me of the day they kicked me out. But maybe it was a good thing, because I was finally free of them and I lived with my boyfriend. My very supportive, loving boyfriend. Sure I didn't get a whole bunch of money to get me through college like I was supposed to and promised, but the pros outweigh the cons in that situation.

Now this is where it gets personal. I mean, I guess I don't mind telling you, cause it doesn't really matter if I tell you or not since it doesn't seem like you're listening. But, well, if you are, then whatever, right?

It was one of my days off, and he had a late shift. We were both planning on sleeping in, but because of our body clocks we were just lying in bed awake. Cuddling, if you wanna get into details. His back pressed up against my chest, playing with my fingers and saying a few things that didn't really make sense in his tired mind. We had just got up not even 5 minutes ago and had hours to spare, but it was difficult to sleep. So we were in bed, talking. Trying to talk.

I don't remember what he said because I was almost half asleep, but he turned over to look at me. I just raised my eyebrows and made a noise, but instead of repeating what he said he decided to kiss me. And I wasn't against it, honestly, I wasn't. Even when he kissed me so hard it made my jaw hurt, I still wasn't against it. Even when he peeled off my shirt and my boxers and kissed every inch of skin on me I was not against anything he did or the moans he drew out of me.

So, yeah, basically, we fucked for the very first time that morning.

Goddamn, I wish we had sooner. It was absolutely amazing, but, I think any earlier we wouldn't have been ready. I don't think I felt anything different emotionally afterwards, at least not like Marco did. I mean, he started crying. I thought he regretted it, but he was just really happy I guess. I felt sort of bad and awkward as he clung to me, tears streaming down his face and staining my skin. But he was fine because he was smiling like crazy and trying to kiss anywhere he could reach through all of the crying. Sort of wanted to make me cry too. But I didn't because I'm manly.

We both fell right to sleep afterwards. He was almost late for work because he couldn't get me off of him. He was really warm and the room was really cold for the middle of summer which doesn't make any sense honestly. But I was tired and cold and I clung to him and even if he wanted to stay in bed with me for a few hours, he had a job to go to. Finally, he managed to peel me off.

"Call in sick," groan-whined, trying to grab at his leg as he got dressed. "You're my heater..."

"Your heater has a job to do," he responded as he pulled his shirt over his head and grabbed his jacket. "The sun can be my substitute."

I groaned. "The sun is evil. OH!" I sat up quickly and regretted it because it hurt my head. "Ymir's evil, and she's tan because she's the sun's assistant!"

He stopped and looked at me. "I'm tan."

I stared at him for a long time, and he stared back. Eventually I laid back down I'm silence. He just laughed and walked over to kiss me on the forehead and then on the lips.

"I'll be back later, behave."

"I'm not a kid," I mumbled and tried to grab for his hand again as he walked off.

"Love you," he said instead, and shut the bedroom door so I was left in silence. I decided to go back to sleep.

And the cycle continued. We worked and lazed around the house. Marco maintained his weight, I got over my parents, and all was well. Except for when we applied for college.

I still wasn't sure what I was going to get into. Marco was going to an art school for sure, but I wasn't very interested in art. I mean, I liked it, I liked it when Marco drew things for me, but I sucked at it. My parents wanted be to be like a lawyer or a businessman or anything that involves wearing suits. The ideas they gave me didn't sound appealing to me at all. Naturally, I asked Marco. 'S mom. I asked Marco's mom.

"Well," she said. "I can envision you taking on an althetic career." She paused to take a sip of her coffee. "I could see you being a police officer, most of all. Marco did mention you liked police things when you two were younger."

I took a minute to think about it. A police officer. The idea sounded not that bad actually.

"But it's whatever you're passionate about, honey. I'm sure if you did some reading online you'll find something that you want to do. My suggestion, though, if you'll take it, is a police officer."

I nodded and tapped my fingers on the table as she looked at me.

"Officer Kirschtein," she said quietly, smiling, and then she walked into the other room. "Officer Kirschtein-Bodt," could barely be heard through the shut door.

I still had to think about it. I even asked Marco if he had any ideas, but he, being the little shit he is, just shrugged. He did like the police officer idea though. It seemed it was my only option, at least the only one I liked. The only problem was that Marco and I wouldn't have a lot of time to see each other. He would have tons of art homework and I would also have tons of policey homework. We did find ways to hang out whenever we could and the months we had before we actually went to school were spent glued to each other. Glued to each other's faces, mostly.

But hey, we got through. His art improved greatly and he was making tons of money through commissions, and I was a police officer. It wasn't easy though, god it wasn't easy. Marco would get so stressed out from time to time he pushed his homework off to see me and feel better. For me, it was worse, at least from my perspective. I had to be hella fit and hella on top of my skills. Honestly, I cried a few times. But I made it. We both made it. It was a relief for him to get his dream job my making money from art both online and on the streets sometimes, hell, he went to conventions and made cash there too, and for me being an officer of the law and basically doing some pretty awesome things. Like, totally cuffing that guy that decided to run like, that was my first time cuffing someone and it was great.

Marco had so much goddamn money, we found an apartment in a quiet(er) neighborhood and moved in almost right away. And god, living with Marco and only Marco was just about the most amazing feeling ever. We didn't have anyone living next to us, but there were a few old couples that lived below us and baked us things when we would fix things for them or help them get groceries. But we were basically alone aside from them, and it's not like they had very good hearing.

Sometimes Marco's mom would come out to visit. At first it was quite frequently, but once she got used to having her only child grown up and out of the house her visits were limited to holidays only, and even then she didn't stay long.

It was weird, being grown up. I mean, it was instinct for me of course because of my parents, but when I stopped and thought, it was... It was weird. I had a job. I had a boyfriend. Said boyfriend and I had an apartment of our own and I was all grown up. I wondered if anyone else thought about those things? I wondered if Marco thought about those things. I would look at him as he's drawing something for a friend online and he looks like he has no problems in the world, wondering.

This is the part where I tell you what everyone else was up to, right? Alright well, Eren and Mikasa got into some sort of military branch, not exactly sure which one. Armin went into some hardcore marine biology stuff. Connie and Sasha moved almost all the way across the country where he got a job as an architect and Sasha stayed at home to watch their baby, who was named Christopher, if I can remember. Bertholdt, Annie, and Reiner, last I heard they were wanted for this big crime thing in another state. Annie's been caught, but they're looking for the other two. I sort of wish they wouldn't come to my area so I won't have to bust them.

Ymir and Krista, still evil lesbians. I heard that they got married and moved to someplace in Europe, but that's it. They don't stay in touch too often, and I'm alright with that. They weren't our best friends in the world, so hey. I don't mind.

And that was Marco's an I's life. To sum it all up, to sum everything up, we met in 6th grade, we started dating in the summer of 7th grade, we graduated from highschool together, we got through college together, and we live together as... husbands.

This story ends with the setting of two men in their mid twenties lying on a bed together, their hands held between them and their wedding rings clinking together in just the right way with every shift. The weather is bleak and the clouds completely block the sun.

Officer Kirschtein-Bodt, signing out.