Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Newt can’t remember the last time he felt so nervous. There was the time where he had to give a speech to his entire school about his trip to Italy, but even that didn’t make him this nervous. He felt as if he was ready to vomit all over the street. Butterflies in his stomach were slowly turning into large, anxiety-ridden dragons. Checking his phone again, Newt made sure he was at the right mall.

As per Newt’s usual fashion, he was way too early. Fifteen minutes too early to be exact. His paranoia usually led him to reaching places way earlier than he needed to be, but it also ensured he was never late. Being late was a huge pet peeve for him and he couldn’t stand it when he was late to meetings or events, much less other people being late. He secretly hoped Thomas wasn’t late.

Thomas was a boy he met online. Of course, Newt made sure that he wasn’t some 50 year old pedophile-predator. He was smart about it, asking for Thomas’s snapchat and Instagram after their first few conversations. They  both met through Twitter, since both of them had fan accounts for Marvel. At first, their first few DMs started out quite awkward. Newt wasn’t sure how to prolong a conversation and Thomas seemed just as clueless. They owned pretty unknown accounts, neither of them barely reaching a hundred followers so they were pretty new at this ‘online friend’ thing. It all changed when Thomas began to rant about his own personal life, urging Newt to listen and give advice. In no time, the two knew absolutely everything about each other and were the best of friends.

They exchanged phone numbers and were soon messaging through iMessage, which was a big deal since most online friends stuck to their particular social media app messengers. After a few months of talking, Newt plucked up the courage and asked to FaceTime Thomas on one random night. The brunet had compiled and they spent the entire night talking to each other. Newt called Thomas at 10pm and the call ended at 5am.

Newt lived on the other side of the States. He resided in New York with his parents while Thomas lived in California, specifically Los Angeles as he was attending UCLA. Thomas was in his first year of college while Newt was in his senior year of high school. The time difference the two wasn’t that bad, considering Newt was only three hours ahead of Thomas. Still, Thomas had to squeeze time out of his busy schedule to talk to Newt. It never felt like a bad thing to do for Thomas though. He liked talking to Newt.

It was now spring break and Thomas surprised Newt by facetiming him. They hadn’t planned to call but Thomas insisted, claiming he had the best news ever. When Newt picked up the call, he was greeted by a thin white paper on the screen. Upon careful squinting, Newt figured it out.

A return trip from Los Angeles, California to New York, New York for a week.

So that was how they ended up here.

Newt had insisted on seeing Thomas at the airport but his flight arrived at 2 am. There was no way he’d be able to go to the airport that early in the morning and not have his parents worried out of their minds. They settled with meeting in the afternoon at a mall, specifically because the movie Black Panther was coming out on the same day and they intended to watch the movie together.

The clock on Newt’s phone read 3:56 pm. Thomas should be here anytime soon. He shot Thomas another text, asking him where he was at.

To : Tommy

Where are you?

3:56 pm

It didn’t take Thomas long to reply.

From : Tommy

Getting out of the subway. I’ll be there in a minute or two. :D

3.57 pm

Newt began to sweat, rubbing his sweaty palms on his jeans. His stomach was turning and churning. Oh God, this was really gonna happen. Keeping his eyes on the street in front of the mall, he waited impatiently as he rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet. He felt his phone vibrate in his hands.

From : Tommy

JSDSLFJDS IM HERE

3.59 pm

Frowning, he looked up from his phone and glanced around, trying to spot the brunet. He couldn’t see Thomas among the crowd of people.

To : Tommy

WHERE I CANT SEE YOU

4.00 pm

“Newt!”

Before he could even register anything, he was quickly enveloped into a bear hug. Whoever was hugging him was doing so super tightly as Newt felt himself being lifted into the air. The scent of cologne and hair gel flooded his nose. He peeked at the head of hair beside him.

“Tommy!” Newt practically screeched, returning the hug.

A rumble of laughter went through Thomas as he let Newt stand again. He stepped back, flashing Newt the biggest smile he could muster. It wasn’t a problem anyways, he couldn’t hold back on the happiness oozing from his being.

“Holy shit, you’re taller than I expected,” Newt chuckled, putting his hands on the strap of his bag.

“You’re prettier in real life,” Thomas breathed out, admiring the blonde in front of him.

Newt almost choked on his own spit, trying not to blush over Thomas’s words. He always complimented Newt but they were usually through texts and Instagram comments. The compliments were never said out loud.

“Thanks? You don’t look too bad yourself.”

That was an understatement. Thomas looked beyond perfect. His usual brown floppy hair was styled into a slight quiff, showing off the tiny moles and freckles that sprayed across his face. Sporting a dark blue sweater jacket on top of a black button-up, Thomas looked like the definition of a modern day hipster.

“Come on, let’s go to the cinema or else we’ll be late,” Thomas urged, taking Newt’s hand and tugging him into the mall.

---

Thomas turned to Newt when the credits rolled, unable to contain the groan from his mouth.

“Holy fucking shit, dude, that was awesome!” he whisper-yelled, holding a hand to his forehead in disbelief.

“I know,” Newt gasped, “do you think Michael B Jordan would wanna hook up with a skinny, eighteen year old gay white guy?”

Snorting, Thomas replied, “I think he’s really hetero.”

Newt shrugged, “a hook up is still a hook up.”

The brunet merely guffawed, taking some of the popcorn from his bucket and throwing it at Newt’s face. With a giggle, Newt retaliated by nudging him on the waist. People around them began to shush them as the screen began to colour again, showing a couple of kids gathering around the frame of the screen. They fell silent while they watched the end credits of the movie, losing their minds when the words ‘Black Panther will return in Avengers : Infinity War’.

Newt’s phone began to vibrate in his thigh and he rolled his eyes, already knowing who it was. He fished it out as the both of them got out of their seats. Adjusting his eyes to the sudden brightness of his phone, Newt read the text from his mother.

From : Mum

Newt, remember to be home by 7.30 pm. Why don’t you bring your friend back home for dinner?

6.38 pm

‘Shit,” Newt cursed aloud.

“What’s up?” Thomas asked, holding the door open for Newt.

“My mum wants you to come back home for dinner,” he whined, “I wanted to go grab dinner by ourselves. Gives me an excuse to get out of the house more.”

Thomas shrugged, “I don’t mind, really. We can go back to yours and eat dinner. I’m really hungry.”

Surprise flooded Newt, “seriously? You don’t mind? My parents are bloody annoying.”

“It’s okay, I don’t mind. What kind of friend would I be if I said no?”

Smiling a little, Newt just nodded and they navigated their way out of the mall. The sky was already starting to get dark. Everyone was rushing from place to place, adding to the usual busy atmosphere of New York. Both Thomas and Newt began to form small talk as they made their way from the mall and back to Newt’s home in Hell’s Kitchen. He lived in a tiny flat, at the top floor of the apartment building. The mall was only a few blocks away and Thomas didn’t seem to mind the walk. He walked with a skip to his step, talking enthusiastically about college and his friends.

Thomas was halfway through his story about how he had set a microwave on fire in the college pantry when they arrived at Newt’s house. They jogged up the steps, entering the pastel pink building.

“I still don’t understand why you left the metal bowl in the microwave,” Newt mused as he unlocked his front door.

“I was drunk, til today I still don’t know why I was making melted butter at 3 am in the morning.”

Opening the door, Newt tossed the keys into the bowl beside the door and called out for his mother. A blonde woman appeared behind a partition, holding a  bowl of food in her hands.

“Newton! Why don’t you and your friend sit at the table first,” she called out, gesturing towards the dining table.

Newt merely grunted and pulled Thomas’s sleeve towards the mahogany table. He dropped his bag on the floor, Thomas following suit. Settling down at the dining room, Thomas sat up straight and folded his arms neatly on the table. He observed the room. The dining room and living room were joint so Thomas could see the television blaring above the fireplace. Friends was playing on the screen and he smirked, knowing it was one of Newt’s favourite shows.

“Henry! The boys are home, come here and eat dinner!” Newt’s mother reappeared back at the table, this time holding up a bottle of wine.

The soft tune of jazz began to sound. Thomas turned to the source of the music and saw a tall, thin ginger man pressing some buttons on a stereo. He seemed to notice Thomas staring and he gave him an apologetic grin.

“The missus likes listening to music when we eat dinner,” the man said, making Thomas nod his head in understanding.

Thomas began to stand up when the man approached him, holding his hand out.

“Hi, sir, my name’s Thomas. I’m Newt’s friend,” they exchanged handshakes.

“Please, call me Henry. As you probably guessed from my dashing good looks that I so humbly gave my son, I’m Newton’s father,” the cheeky ginger man grinned.

Newt sighed, “Dad. Stop it.”

Henry raised his hands up in surrender.

“Just tryna make a joke, sonny.”

“Pardon Newt if he gets a bit cranky during dinner. He’s always like that when he eats with us,” the blonde lady apologised, holding her free hand out for Thomas to shake.

She had introduced herself as Ava. It was pretty obvious that she was the dominant figure in this whole family, she gave off a strict, proper and well-mannered woman. Her platinum blonde hair was neatly tied up, no stray hair in sight. Everything about the woman was so pristine while Henry was the complete opposite. His shirt was stained with paint and his hair was just as unkempt as Newt’s. A beard grew on his chin and it was getting quite thick.

Newt was ready to bash his face in at his mother’s words. He was only cranky because his mother would always bring up something to Newt and chastise him for it. Rolling his eyes, Newt started to wonder what she would dig up to scold Newt about.

Everyone began to settle down. Henry sat in front of Thomas while Ava sat down in front of her son. They began pouring drinks for the children, even offering Thomas a glass of wine.

“Oh no, I’m alright. I’ll just drink the juice,” Thomas waved his hand dismissively.

“How old are you, Thomas?” Ava asked as she poured him  a glass of orange juice.

“Nineteen, ma’am.”

Henry made a noise, probably mixed with surprise and confusion.

“So you’re attending college or?” he asked.

Thomas took a sip from his juice, “I’m in college, sir. UCLA, freshman year.”

“Your major?”

“Biomedical Science. I wanna go to med school and become a doctor.”

Ava raised an eyebrow, “wow, impressive. See, Newt, you should be like Thomas. Doctors earn a lot, you know.”

With a sigh, Newt looked at his mother and frowned.

“I already told you. I’m applying to California Institute of Art.”

“Thomas, tell him that art school isn’t a legitimate education,” Ava prodded, raising her wine glass towards the already fuming blonde teen.

“Ava..” Henry warned lowly.

Newt’s mother glared at him, “let Thomas tell us what’s best for Newt. You shouldn’t be encouraging him to go to that school knowing how you’re struggling with your art career. ”

“You know he gets commissions sometimes, right?” Newt defended.

“Quiet! I don’t remember asking for any of your opinions. Thomas?”

He glanced at Newt, watching as Newt angirly stabbed a piece of carrot on his plate. There was no way Thomas was going to say that to Newt. He knew how much Newt wanted to go to art school. Newt’s artworks always took Thomas’s breath away. The talent that boy had was undeniable and Thomas felt like art school would help him harness it and produce more influential and powerful artworks in the future.

It was also a coping mechanism for Newt. Ever since his incident, Newt had been painting more and more. The amount of paintings in his attic proved that art kept him sane, apart from Thomas. Art was an outlet for Newt and it was a safe one at that.

“I think Newt should go to art school if he wants to be an artist or pursue a career in the arts. It’s just like me with med school,” Thomas suggested, watching Newt sit up straighter in his seat from the corner of his eyes.

“Plus, I think he’s really good at what he does. His pieces are beautiful.”

Newt blushed, his anger slowly disappearing as Thomas sent him a sneaky wink.

That  boy was going to be the death of him.

The conversation about college didn’t continue. Everyone started eating their meals, only asking Thomas small questions when the silence went for too long.

Did Thomas have a girlfriend? (No.)

Where was Thomas from? (Washington DC.)

How did Thomas and Newt meet? (Mutual friends. Newt didn’t want his parents to know about his Twitter account.)

How long was he staying in New York? (Seven days.)

What did his parents work as? (Both of his parents were doctors.)

Did Thomas live alone or with a roommate? (With his best friend, Minho.)

Did Thomas have a place to stay? (Yes, a motel near Central Park.)

In no time, dinner was finished and Thomas was helping Ava with the dishes. They put the plates in the dishwasher together as Newt went back to his room to change into more comfortable clothes. He went into his room and closed the door, switching from his sweater and jeans into a pair of sweatpants and a Spider-Man t-shirt. Tossing his stray clothes into his closet, he draped his blanket neatly over his bed and opened his window.

He wanted to show Thomas his spot.

Newt went out of his room and waited patiently for Thomas to exit the kitchen. When the brunet reappeared from behind the door, Newt snatched his arm and tugged him towards his bedroom. Before Thomas could form any coherent questions, Newt instructed Thomas to go out on the fire exit outside his window.

“There’s a ladder out there, climb up it and get on the roof.”

Thomas climbed out, looking back at the blonde in the house with suspicious and curious hooded eyes.

“What are we doing exactly?” he asked, watching as Newt followed behind him.

“Just go up, I wanna show you my spot,” Newt exclaimed.

The two ascended up the ladder, being careful not to step on anyone’s head or fingers. Thomas hauled himself up and sat down on the edge of the roof and Newt did the same. Looking up, the American finally took in the view. A dark blue sky hovered above them, clouded in darkness and tiny twinkling stars.

“I like to come here and just sit, sometimes draw or read a book. It’s much more peaceful than what’s down there,” Newt explained, hugging his knees to his chest, “sometimes I wish I could just live up here, away from everyone.”

Thomas watched Newt carefully, trying to decipher his mood. His tone had gone very serious and he wondered if something was wrong.

“You okay?”

For a moment, Newt didn’t reply. The boy continued to stare up ahead at the buildings in front of them, watching the houses and the people in them. All the houses seemed to compliment one another, their exteriors bringing a happy vibe to the neighbourhood. The colours of the buildings ranged from a pale blue to a mustard yellow to a soft pink. Thomas loved it, in fact he wouldn’t mind living here.

“Me okay,” Newt softly said, “just lot’s on my mind, you know.”

“Penny for your thoughts?” Thomas cheekily questioned, taking out a penny from his pocket and holding it up in front of Newt.

He chuckled, taking it from Thomas and playing with it in his hands. Turning the coin in his hands, Newt leaned back and laid down on the roof tiles with his feet hanging over the edge. Thomas followed his actions, waiting for Newt to start talking.

“Remember how I broke my leg?”

Thomas could feel his heart break but he nodded anyways.

“I did it here. I jumped from this roof. Apparently, it wasn’t high enough, as you can guess. I felt so empty and so broken for so long. The moment I stood on the roof and looked down, that was the most intense feeling I’ve felt in years. Ironically, in some fucked up way, it made me feel so alive yet so dead. I mean, I thought, who cares right? My parents could finally get that divorce they’ve been fantasizing about and they didn’t have to care about having to take custody of anyone. None of my friends seemed to care that I skipped school a lot. I didn’t really see a point in anything or anyone. I thought I didn’t have anyone that mattered. Thought I was doin’ everyone a favour.

“When I got better, when I made that Twitter account, I wanted to get excited about life. Figured that I survived for a reason, right? God couldn't be that evil. So, I picked up art. Started drawing again. My dad signed me up for some art therapy class and it really helped me get back on my feet. I started using social media more, trying to get in touch with the real world again instead of staying inside my head all the time. Found a lot of things I liked. Then, I found you.”

Thomas couldn’t take his eyes off the blonde. He could see Newt start to tear up and Thomas reached his hand out. Laying it on top of his shoulder, Newt gulped and continued in a trembling voice.

“You wanted to talk to me. Willingly. No one paid you to and you didn’t hold any responsibility over me. You weren’t required to. Yet, there you were, talking your head off about random shit. You made me laugh a lot, Tommy. God, as the days passed and the months flew by, I started looking forward to the tommorows more. What’s Tommy gonna talk about today? Another story about his stupid friends? Another conspiracy theory? Is he gonna rant about his weird ex girlfriend again?” Newt let out a tiny laugh, a tear already rolling down his cheek.

He turned onto his side, gazing at Thomas with glassy eyes filled with love and admiration.

“You didn’t talk, you listened too. After all the stupid, depressing bullshit I told you, you were still there. God, you were always bloody there. You give me so much fucking hope, Tommy, you know that? So much hope,” he was trembling by then, his body shaking as more tears flooded out of his brown eyes.

“And with you here, in real life, actually in front of me? It’s the best thing that could ever happen to me. You’re the greatest fucking thing in my life and I need you to know that. Thank you, Thomas, thank you.”

By then, Newt gave in to his sadness and he started to sob softly. Thomas’s eyes widened, calling out to him in hushed whispers and trying to wrap Newt around his arms. It was difficult to do so while lying down so he tugged Newt back up to their sitting positions. He enveloped the younger boy into an embrace, caressing his blonde hair and shushing him gently. Rocking them back and forth slightly, Thomas repeated a phrase over and over again.

“Always, Newt, I'll always be here.”

It took awhile for Newt to calm down and for the longest time, Newt kept his head buried in the crook of Thomas’s neck. He breathed in slowly and deeply, taking in Thomas’s scent. There wasn’t anything specific to Thomas’s scent, he just smelled like comfort, love and home. Newt didn’t care about anything other than Thomas then and he wished secretly that he could keep this moment in a little jar all for himself. Shutting his eyes, he silently prayed for it.

Let me keep this moment. Let me remember it forever and let me cherish it when everything else is shitty. Let me think back to this night, replay this memory, remember how his arms feel around me, remember how he smells and remember how alive and vibrant I feel. Let me remember how my heart aches yet beats as strongly as it ever has in my entire life. God, let Tommy stay in my life forever.

Newt moved his head from Thomas’s neck, his sobs ending and he was reduced to the occasional sniffle. With an encouraging smile, Thomas leaned his head and pressed it against Newt’s forehead.

“Thank you for telling me everything. You’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to me too. Honest to God,” Thomas whispered, watching as he closed his eyes again.

They soaked in this moment, staying in that position and neither of them wanting to move an inch. They stay like that for an hour. Just breathing in each other’s presence, not saying anything.

There is a warm, glowing feeling growing in Newt’s belly.

He think it’s bliss.

He thinks this is bliss.

He thinks Thomas is bliss.

Chapter Text

Thomas woke up with a sore back. He groaned, trying to pull the blanket up to his chin more as he felt the cool wind brush against his shoulder. It took him about ten seconds to realize where he was. He wasn’t in his dorm room in UCLA. The walls are painted a soft yellow and there is a huge window leading to a balcony in front of him. The floors aren’t wooden, they are a fierce red carpet. Paintings and posters are slathered across the walls.

New York, that’s where he was. He is inside Newt’s room.

Birds were chirping outside the building and people were starting to hustle. He could hear the sound of people honking their horns at pedestrians and people walking about on the streets of Hell’s Kitchen. New York City is starting to wake up and so did the boy on the bed above him.

“Hey, Tommy.”

Thomas looked up from his spot on the floor, turning his head to the right as he gazed at Newt. The blonde was wrapped up under his fluffy duvet with only his head sticking out. Newt was facing him too, a lazy tired smile gracing his lips.

“Sleep okay?” Thomas asked, scratching his head feverently.

“Mhmm,” Newt hummed, “best sleep I’ve ever had in awhile.”

Suddenly, Newt was chuckling to himself. The American raised his eyebrow, silently questioning him about what was so funny.

“The shirt is way too small for you but the pants fit,” Newt snorted, removing his hand from his duvet cave and poked Thomas on the shoulder.

Embarrassment filled Thomas and he swatted Newt’s hand away, covering his upper body with the blanket he had lent him. The white shirt clung way too tight onto Thomas’s body, he had to admit. However, Newt had insisted that he wore his clothes if he was sleeping over.

Somehow Newt managed to convince him to sleep over at his own house instead of going back to the hotel. By the time they got off the roof, it was already late at night. After several persistent attempts, Thomas finally gave in and let Newt dress him in his clothes. Newt’s father had offered Thomas to sleep on the couch, but Newt forced him to stay in his room. At first, the Brit tried to get him to sleep on his bed while he slept on the floor, but Thomas being Thomas, refused to sleep on the bed.

“Take the bed. I like sleeping on the floor. Your floor is soft enough and I’ve fallen asleep on my dorm floor before,” Thomas had assured Newt, refusing to move up to the bed.

Of course, Thomas didn’t like sleeping on the floor. He just didn’t want Newt to sleep on the floor because it was way too uncomfortable. A good night’s sleep was what Newt deserved and Thomas wasn’t going to be the one who ruined it. It seemed worth it as said boy sat up on the bed, rubbing his eyes.

“Bloody hell, what time is it?” Newt asked himself out loud, taking a close look at the electronic clock beside him.

“It’s nearly ten,” Thomas answered as he checked his phone. He rolled over on the floor, laying on his belly and opened the few text messages he had received last night.

From : Minho

Did you land yet?

8:30 pm

From : Minho

HELLOOO SHANK DID YOU DIE ON THE WAY TO NYC

8.45 pm

From : Minho

ARE YOU HAVING TOO MUCH FUN W MR BRITISH TO REPLY ME

9.00 pm

From : Minho

HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

9.28 pm

From : Minho

HEY dude text me soon or else i’ll have to call the popo

9.45 pm

From : Minho

Hey shuckface im actually getting rlly worried. Get back to me asap please

10.30pm

Thomas heard Newt stand up from his bed and walk somewhere in the room. He occupied himself by opening a new text to send to Minho.

To : Minho

Sorry dude! Had an early night. Im safe and sound :-)

10.14 am

“What do you wanna eat for breakfast?” Newt asked, walking over to Thomas with a bundle of clothes in his hands.

“No idea, what do you have around here?”

“Toast, cereal, probably some eggos. Take your pick.”

Thomas waved his hand dismissively, “you can choose, I don’t mind anything.”

A sudden weight pressed down on top of Thomas’s back and he yelped, trapped underneath Newt. He had sat himself down on Thomas.

“Newt? Hey -- oof! Get off me!” Thomas shouted, not holding in the laughter that tumbled out of him.

“Don’t pull that ‘you pick’ bullshit! You’re the guest, you pick,” Newt hollered, refusing to stand until the brunet agreed.

Newt stood up when Thomas yelled out several ‘okay’s, the huge smiles never escaping both their faces. Rolling over onto his back, Thomas stared up at Newt and poked him on his leg with his foot.

“You’re heavier than you look,” Thomas teased.

“I will sit on your face, I swear to God,” he shot back, clutching the duvet in his hands and working on making his bed.

Thomas wiggled his eyebrows, “I wouldn’t mind that.”

A sound of both surprise and disgust escaped Newt’s mouth, him scowling playfully as he grabbed a nearby pillow. He smacked Thomas across the head with it, initiating a pillow fight. Thomas cried out shrilly as he attempted to fend off Newt’s hits. Their laughter started to explode in the room, ranging from giggles to full blown guffawing.

“You’re,” Newt hit Thomas on the back of his head.

“Disgusting!” the pillow landed on Thomas’s face roughly.

Thomas groaned out in pain, dropping his weapon and cradling his head in his hands. The laughter stopped, worry bubbling inside of Newt. Oh God, did he hit him too hard? Newt tossed his pillow aside and knelt in front of Thomas, apologising profusely as he held Thomas’s hands that were covering his face.

“Shit, Tommy. You okay? Jesus, I shouldn’t have hit you that hard,” Newt rambled, not noticing the sly smirk forming on the older  boy’s face.

Before Newt could properly react, Thomas yelled ‘AHA!’ and grabbed Newt’s shoulders. He forced him down onto the ground and swung his legs so that he was practically straddling Newt. Clutching the pillow he had abandoned, Thomas smushed it down onto Newt’s face.

“You lose!” Thomas cheerily exclaimed, smirking as he watched Newt struggle underneath him.

He kept the pillow there for another five seconds before he removed it, chortling as he saw Newt’s disgruntled expression. Newt reached up and smacked Thomas on the chest. His cheeks held a pale pink tint and he shifted uncomfortably underneath.

Thomas had to admit it. Newt looked really cute like this. The boy’s dark brown eyes were wide open, glistening with an emotion he couldn’t figure out. His hair was messy and dishevelled, somehow still looking perfect in it’s ridiculous state. Baby pink lips were slightly open as he breathed in and out. Newt’s chest heaved up and down, in sync with Thomas’s movements.

A part inside Thomas doesn’t want to move. He wants to stay here forever, staring down at Newt while he stared back.

Something in his chest wanted Thomas to kiss Newt.

Oh God, what the fuck?

At that bizzare thought, Thomas immediately scrambled off Newt. He could feel his ears getting hot as he stood up, awkwardly avoiding Newt’s gaze.

Why did he think of kissing Newt? Newt was his best friend. He didn’t like him that way! Sure, he is beautiful, smart, talented, cheeky, sensitive, gentle, witty and absolutely drop dead gorgeous. He had given him multiple compliments on how good he looked, but that's what best friends do.

He didn't like him like THAT. He wasn’t even gay! Thomas liked girls, he loved girls. He’s dated a couple of girls.

So why did he regret not kissing Newt?

“Tommy?”

There it was, Newt’s angelic voice bringing him back to reality.

He took a deep breath, recollecting himself from his mini freak out. Turning around to face Newt, Thomas gave him one of his reassuring smiles.

“Let’s go and eat. I wanna eat some eggos, I’m starving.”

Turns out, Newt’s fridge was packed with the most random things.

A bottle of whipped cream, some jelly beans Newt had purchased a few days before, a small handful of chocolate chips and a bottle of strawberry syrup.

“I don’t even know why we have this,” Newt scrunched his nose up at the bottle of syrup, but shrugging and handed it to Thomas.

He opened the cap, looking down at the tower of eggos that they had made. Seven eggos in total, all stacked on top of a layer of whipped cream and chocolate chips. Neither of them knew what they were doing, but what could go wrong with frozen waffles, chocolate and whipped cream? Thomas pursed his lips as he squeezed the bottle, letting all the pink syrup cascade down the tower of pancakes.

Newt snorted, “this screams diabetes.”

Still, he dug his hands into the jelly beans bag, tossing the multi-coloured tiny packages of joy onto the water. They stepped back from the plate and admired their sweet monstrosity.

“Hold on, stand there. Let me get a picture,” Thomas ordered, reaching into his pocket for his phone.

Newt stood behind the counter and posed for the camera as Thomas held his phone up. The eggo tower was literally just as big as Newt’s head. Once Thomas took the photo and uploaded it onto his Instagram story, he picked up his fork and quickly dug in.

To say it was sweet would be an understatement.

“Just tastes like sugar,” Newt commented, his mouth full of food.

Even if it tasted extraordinarily sweet, the both of them kept devouring the waffles until the plate was empty.

“Where should we go today?” Newt asked as he took a sip from his cup of tea.

“I was thinking we can go see the Statue of Liberty. We should take photos there,” Thomas suggested.

Newt nodded, “let's get ready then.”

---

After a few busses, they finally reached Battery Park. The place was crowded with tourist and Thomas had to hold Newt's arm so he wouldn't get lost. They ordered their tickets and were fortunate enough to arrive just in time before the ferry took off. Clambering onto the ferry, the two made their way up to the top floor of the ferry and settled down on one of those bench seats.

Thomas took off his bag and sighed, finally relaxing into the chair.

“That was so tiring,” he complained.

“Welcome to New York!” Newt sarcastically drawled out, handing Thomas one of his earphones.

He took it willingly, forcing the bud into his ear and leaning back on the bench. Newt connected the earphones into his phone and pressed play on a playlist on Spotify.

The first song that came on was Africa by Toto. Thomas patted Newt's shoulder approvingly, mentioning that he loved this song.

“I know, that's why I put it in the playlist,” Newt confessed, showing him the Spotify playlist on his phone.

Thomas grinned.

‘Tommy In New York’ was the title. In the little description box, it read : the best playlist for the best guy I know.

When he scrolled through the playlist, he noticed that they were all songs Thomas loved.

“I took note of all the songs you played whenever we would Skype or facetime,” Newt meekly admitted, scratching his neck awkwardly.

“Newt,” Thomas gave him a warm smile, “this is great. Thank you, seriously. It's amazing.”

All Newt could do was just grin back.

They sat in silence for most of the ride, just listening to the playlist Newt had compiled and occasionally pointing out something cool outside the window. Thomas turned his head towards the window and rest his head against it, admiring the view outside. He wished life could be as peaceful as this. Instead, he was met with the harsh reality of essays, due dates, projects, internships and exams. The even harsher reality was that he would only be around Newt for six more days.

Thomas felt his eyes drooping slightly, the sound of Sufjan Stevens nearly putting him to sleep. Suddenly, he felt someone nudge his shoulder. He sat up straight and looked at Newt quickly, who had a shit eating smile on his face.

“Tommy, we’re here!”

The two stood up but didn’t take off either of their sides of the earphones. Newt didn’t want to stop listening to the song, he loved Mystery of Love. They slowly walked out of the ferry, taking their time to take in scenery. When they stepped out, they briskly made their way out of security.

They didn’t take the journey up to the crown because of Newt’s bad leg. Newt tried to convince Thomas that he’d be okay, but he wasn’t having any of that. So, they chose to stay on ground and take pictures near the statue. It was mostly Newt taking the pictures, since he was in the photography club in his school. Stunning pictures was his forte and he believed strongly that the photos he took should reflect the beauty of both the statue and Thomas perfectly.

Twenty minutes and a bottle of orange juice later, Newt and Thomas decided to sit down on the grass and rest for a while. Newt had bought little sandwiches on the way and they shared some, quietly munching away as they watched the Manhattan skyline.

“New York is so pretty,” Thomas said, almost in a daze like manner.

“Yeah, sometimes I forget how pretty it all actually is until moments like this happen,” Newt answered.

Newt dug around in his bag before pulling out a sketchbook, one the size of a shoebox.

“Thomas, do me a favour?”

“Hmm?”

“Could you,” Newt hesitated for a second but chose to continue, “could you just keep looking at the city?”

Thomas raised an eyebrow. Still, he did what he was told and looked ahead. His phone sat beside him, blasting more songs from the New York playlist. This time, The Good Side by Troye Sivan was playing. It put the both of them to peace as Newt started to sketch.

Paying great attention to Thomas’s details, Newt’s eyes trailed from his nose to his jawline to his eyes to his lips. Newt probably spent too much time staring at the lips and he bit his own lip, averting his gaze elsewhere. He focused on Thomas’s tiny details, like his long eyelashes, his bushy yet perfectly shaped eyebrows and the many moles that dotted around his face and neck.

“Are you drawing me like one of your French girls?” Thomas joked.

Newt shushed him, “don’t talk, I need to get the shading right.”

He heard the American snort and he rolled his eyes.

“And no, I don’t usually draw girls, much less French ones. I draw my dad a lot. Sometimes my friend, Alby.”

Thomas wished that he could word this moment into a letter, put it into an envelope and just keep it with him forever.

Nothing could  beat the feeling he was living off of then.

He decided that this was his happy place. Turns out, anywhere with Newt was his happy place.

Thomas began to think back about the things that happened this morning. More specifically, the moment he felt like kissing Newt. He wondered if this meant that he wasn’t straight. Sure, Thomas only dated girls but he had never thought of being with a boy. Much less, kissing one.

How do people even know when they’re not straight? Thomas thought to himself.

“Newt?”

“I told you to stay still.”

Thomas let out a nervous, shaky laugh.

“Just let me ask one question and I’ll shut up,” Thomas promised.

Newt sighed, “okay. What?”

“How did you know you were gay?” he asked, turning his head to look at Newt.

“Well,” Newt seemed quite surprised by the question, “I don’t know if there was a moment where I was like ‘I’m gay!”, I guess I always sort of knew? When I was younger, I didn’t really want it to be true. Then as I grew up, I realized that it shouldn’t matter who I love. Just because it’s a guy I like, it doesn’t mean I’m less than anyone who’s straight.”

The brunet understood that.

Maybe I am bisexual. Maybe I don’t have to label it.

Thomas nodded and turned back to the skyline, trying to push the issue out of his mind. He didn’t have to think about it for now. All he wanted to do was just sit there and be with Newt.

It didn’t take long for Newt to finish. Just as he finished the outline (he didn’t completely shade him in, just made a rough outline of his face so he could properly colour everything in at home), the ferry was busting to go. They packed up their stuff and made their way back to the ferry. Somehow they had managed to get the same spots as they did before, settling into the same routine as well. Newt sat there with his sketchbook and colour pencils, starting to colour in Thomas’s portrait.

“I can’t believe how talented you are,” Thomas whispered, jolting Newt from his concentration.

He immediately recollected himself and attempted to hide his pink cheeks.

“You scared me,” Newt chuckled. Thomas sent him an apologetic smile.

“Honestly, you make me look better than I actually do,” the brunet had intended that to be a joke, but Newt immediately started frowning.

The artist practically gasped, “Tommy! Don’t say that. You’re beautiful, you twat.”

Butterflies began to erupt in Thomas’s stomach.

Well shit.

--

Thomas fell on top of his motel bed, groaning in exhaustion.

Both him and Newt had spent the time after going to the Statue of Liberty at a pizza shop. They had indulged on greasy, thin New York while talking about anything and everything. Most of the time when Newt wasn’t consuming food, he worked on the drawing of Thomas. Thomas on the other hand, spent his time by reading his Biology textbook. Just because it was spring break, it didn’t mean he couldn’t study. He was doing so well in school and he was pressured by everyone to keep up the good grades.

Night time eventually fell after they walked around Manhattan aimlessly, finally deciding on going back to Thomas’s hotel. The clothes he was wearing were starting to stink and so was he. They took a bus back to the tiny motel, which sat right behind Central Park.

The room was quite small but Thomas didn’t mind. It had the barest necessities ; a bed, a television, decent wifi and bathroom.

Newt fell down onto the bed beside Thomas, already kicking off his shoes.

“Should we watch a movie or something?” the blonde asked as he sat up on the bed.

Nodding, Thomas reached down on the floor and snatched his bag. He brought out his laptop, turning it on. Newt removed his jacket, leaving him in his button up. Watching the taller boy remove his jacket made Thomas’s skin crawl.

Oh God, what’s happening to me?

He busied himself with Netflix, trying to find a movie they’d both like. The poster for the 2017 reboot, It, came up in the horror section. Thomas remembered vaguely Newt saying he loved horror movies so he clicked it, urging the other boy to bring the pizza box to the bed.

Placing the laptop right in front of their crossed legs, both Thomas and Newt sat side to side. Their shoulders and arms were practically stuck on each other but neither of them bothered to move. Thomas thanked God silently for that.

Newt’s entire attention was stuck on the movie, only breaking his eye contact with the screen if he wanted to reach for a pizza slice. The food remained untouched by Thomas as he was too busy freaking out over this feeling he had for Newt. How he could sit there as still as he was, was a terrific question even he couldn’t answer.

Everytime Newt’s arm brushed against his, or everytime he could feel his leg bump against his, it sent a shiver up his spine. He was starting to panic as the movie reached a close. The kids had just defeated Pennywise when Thomas felt his head hit his broader shoulders.

Looking down, Thomas’s breath hitched. Newt was asleep. He must’ve fallen asleep while Thomas was staring into space. He froze, not knowing if he should wake Newt up or let him sleep. Thomas was starting to breathe more quickly, his heart racing while he tried to figure out what to do.

There’s no way I can let him sleep on my shoulder and not pass out from this stupid feeling.

As if on cue, a phone began vibrating on the bed. Thomas looked at his phone and saw that it wasn’t his that was going off. Newt woke up with a start, still half asleep and dug through his pocket. He pulled out his phone and answered the call blindly.

“Hello? Oh Mum, what’s wrong?”

There was a short silence. Thomas raised an eyebrow questioningly, trying to push away the disappointment sinking in his chest.

“I’m at Thomas’s motel.. No, I don’t think I’m going home tonight.. Mum, it’s late, I shouldn’t go out this late at night… Yes, I’m serious… God, it’s not like Thomas is going to drug me and dig out my kidneys, he’s my friend… Mum.. Jesus Christ, why can’t you let me do what I want for once, you minx?” Newt had spat out with venom at the last words before hanging up.

Tossing the phone, Newt angrily grumbled curses under his breath and stood up from the bed. He glared at his feet as he pulled on his Chuck Taylors.

“You’re leaving?” Thomas asked quietly, afraid Newt would snap.

Newt’s angry expression softened and he nodded soundlessly.

“Oh,” Thomas slumped down on the bed. He couldn’t help how upset he sounded.

He had been secretly hoping that Newt would stay over at his motel, the same way he had when he was at Newt’s. Maybe they would have went down to the sad pool the motel had and had a midnight swim. Or maybe they would have watched some lousy reality show and laugh about it through the night, ridiculing the reality stars. Or maybe he would’ve laid there on the bed, doing his many essays he had for college while Newt sketched away on his sketchbook.

Or maybe they could’ve spent the whole night laying on the bed, talking the night away as Thomas admired everything about Newt.

It hit Thomas then.

He had a crush on Newt.

Red signs were flashing alarming in Thomas’s head.

The only thing he could think of was how he didn’t want Newt to leave. He was beginning to get light headed from the revelation too.

Newt was already walking to the front door as Thomas sprang up from the  bed, yelling out his name. The blonde spun around, a questioning and sad look taking over his face. Thomas jogged towards the door and blocked him from going out.

“Don’t go,” he had blurted out.

Only looking sadder, Newt tried to smile.

“Tommy,” Newt sighed.

“Please,” Thomas almost begged, “just tell your mum I wouldn’t let you leave. Tell her a bear was at the lobby so you couldn’t get out. Literally, tell her anything. Just.. just don’t go. Please.”

Thomas pulled his best puppy eyes, showing off his adorable Bambi eyes. He could see Newt crumble but still stand his ground.

“Sorry, Tommy. I’ll come back tomorrow, I promise. My mum will never let me out of the house if I stay out here tonight.”

With that, Newt shot Thomas an apologetic grin before bidding goodbye. Thomas stood there, defeated and could only wave as he watched the beautiful boy leave his motel room.

Chapter Text

“Newt, you could’ve at least made your bed properly and cleaned up your room before you ran off yesterday,” Henry grumbled, pushing the plate of toast towards his son, “I had to do it for you and I do not appreciate having to do your own chores.”

“Sorry, Dad,” Newt meekly replied as he scrolled through his Instagram app.

He had been stalking Thomas’s instagram and noticed they were on his latest pictures in his feed. Clinging onto Newt’s shoulders, the brunet smiled cheesily at the camera while the other boy was caught in mid-laughter. Newt could still remember what Thomas had said that made him laugh so hard.

When he swiped left, he saw a couple more pictures of Thomas posing for Newt. There was one of Newt just sitting at the pizzeria with his nose practically on the sketchbook while he was colouring in the portrait.

The caption read, ‘new yorkkk concrete jungle wet dream tomatoes! there’s nothing newt can’t do! (seriously, look at the photos he took of me. and the drawing?? hella sick!)’. Rolling his eyes at the clear Alicia Keys joke, Newt clicked on the like button and started to write a comment.

‘I don’t remember you asking for permission to post a picture of my masterpiece :/ glad  you had fun, dork.’

“Newt? Are you even listening to me?”

He snapped out of his little trance, flicking his eyes up to look at his dad. The usual soft-mannered man had his eyebrows furrowed and a frustrated look on his face. Newt sat up and shut off his phone, placing all his attention on his father.

“Yeah, yeah, I heard you Dad. I said I was sorry,” he apologized again, however that didn’t seem to cool down Henry.

“You know, I don’t mind you hanging out with your new friend but I expect you to still remember your responsibilities,” Henry continued to nag, his English accent getting thicker and thicker with every word.

“Dad, relax. I forget to clean my room for one day and you lose your shit,” this time Newt full on rolled his eyes, going back on his phone.

Hnery snapped, “don’t use that kind of language with me, young man. Your mum is right, you have to clean up your attitude.”

With that, the bearded ginger man left the kitchen with his mug of tea. He stormed off quickly, making sure that the door to his study closed with a loud ‘bang’. Newt winced and drew out a long breath, feeling his annoyance slowly change into guilt.

These days, it seemed like his father was more stressed out than usual. Stress lines were beginning to form more prominently on his father’s forehead and Newt was sure it had something more to do with issues outside of his work. Henry never really got stressed out by art or the paintings he made, because that was his passion and he enjoyed it thoroughly.

Maybe it was because of Newt’s mum. They had been arguing more than usual.

Newt pushed the thought away and checked his text messages. A text came in from Teresa about twenty minutes earlier, which was probably around the time Newt woke up.

From : Teresa

Hey Newt! Just wanted to send u the address for the party tonight. It’s at Stage 58, 605 W 48th St. Party starts at 8. Hope to see u there :)

9.48 am

Groaning, Newt’s hands flew up to his face. He had forgotten it was Teresa Agnes’s birthday. She was a schoolmate of his and had been kind enough to help Newt out when he missed weeks of school after the incident. It would be rude of Newt to not attend the party. He actually really liked the chick. Thumbing out a quick reply, Newt began to brainstorm for ideas of a gift for the blue-eyed beauty.

To : Teresa

Yep, i’ll be there. Do you mind if I bring my friend? He doesnt know anyone but he came from ucla for spring break and i’ll feel bad if i ditch him tonight.

10. 15 am

Newt stuffed a mouthful of toast into his mouth, standing up from his spot on the counter and dialling Thomas’s number. He waited for four rings before he could hear his American friend groggily greet him.

“Did I just wake you up?” Newt questioned, taking a sip from his juice.

“Yeah, but it’s okay. What’s up? Something wrong?”

“No, no, just wanted to ask you if you wanna go to a party tonight. It’s my friend’s birthday and I’ll feel bad if I don’t go. You should come along, be my plus one. My mum went to some press conference thing in Chicago so she’s not home for today and tomorrow.”

He could hear Thomas hum on the other side of the line, “sure. What time does it start?”

“8, but you know no one ever arrives to a party on time. We can go sightseeing in New York first before we head to the club. You wanna meet up now?”

“Definitely,” Thomas’s excitement bursted through the phone, making Newt grin, “let’s meet at Central Park. I wanna go picnicking and shit. There’s a lot to do there! Bring a picnic mat and I’ll bring the food. Maybe we can go to the huge ass fountain too, make wishes and stuff. God, I have to get ready. Meet me in an hour!”

Before Newt could reply, Thomas had already hung up. He was left to stare at the phone, wondering why the boy was being so jittery.

--

Thomas was already sitting in the centre of the Great Lawn, his eyes stuck on a book as he read feverently. A couple of grocery bags sat around him and Newt chuckled to himself, admiring how Thomas was fully prepared. He picked up  his pace and limped towards the boy briskly, calling out for his ‘Tommy’.

“Wow, did you buy the whole bloody store?”

‘Shut up,” Thomas laughed, squinting at Newt due to the bright sun, “I haven’t had breakfast yet.”

Newt removed the mat from his bag and laid it out on the ground, letting Thomas sit down on top of it while he spread out the food on the mat. There were some bags of chips, a pack of chocolate chip cookies, a box of muffins, a box of croissants, some Capri Suns and a large bottle of apple juice.

Without missing a beat, Thomas began to dig in, stuffing his face with a chocolate muffin. He held one out for Newt and he took it, resting his hands on top of his knees. They sat there for a while, just eating and watching the people around them. It seemed like Thomas wasn’t the only one who came up with the genius plan of picnicking. There were several other families, couples and friend groups sitting on the grass, enjoying their own conversations and their own food.

Thomas started some small talk, asking Newt if he had slept well and if he had breakfast. He did so as he shoved multiple cookies and chugged down capri suns. However, his attention was never divided from the blonde.

Newt began to grow tingly from all the attention he was receiving from Thomas. He also couldn’t help staring at the older boy, enjoying how he had kept his hair undone for today. The boy’s bangs laid on his forehead lazily, barely reaching his eyebrows. His hazel eyes were glistening under the sunshine, bringing out the most beautiful colour Newt had ever seen on anyone’s eyes.

He decided Thomas looked better with his hair undone. Newt watched Thomas as he continued to ramble on about an essay he was working on for school. More specifically, he watched as the brunet’s lips moved. They were a perfect shape, really, and Newt looked at how pink and plump they were in their own right. Thomas had the cutest nose too. Even his tiny beauty marks that dotted around his face and down to his neck were adorable.

God, Newt wanted to wrap Thomas up in a little blanket and keep him to himself forever.

Sometimes, Newt wished Thomas liked boys. He would be lying if he said he never formed a slight crush on Thomas. However, he knew it was quite hopeless since Thomas was hetero. At least, that’s what he thought. He then recalled Thomas’s surprising question the day before and Newt scrunched his nose, curious to know what that was all about.

“Oi, Tommy.”

The brunet looked up from his book.

“Why’d you ask me about how I knew I was gay?”

“Well,” Thomas marked the page on his book before sitting properly, “I’ve been thinking about my own sexuality. I honestly don’t even know what I am. I thought I was straight, but then something kind of happened and I literally don’t know what’s going on anymore.”

Newt frowned at Thomas slightly, “you know you’re allowed to love whoever you want and it shouldn’t matter, right?”

“No, of course I know that. It’s just,” he shurgged a little, “shocking. I thought I knew who I was for the longest time but turns out I don’t.”

“That’s the beauty of it all, Tommy. No one really knows exactly who they are.”

Newt and Thomas spent a good hour or so laying there under the sun. They occupied their time by talking to each other, mostly about their lives and their families. For obvious reasons, Newt hated talking about his and let Thomas go off about his little brother, Chuck.

The younger Cooper was a cheerful, funny and comical twelve year old boy. Newt had never met the kid but through the stories he was told, he seemed to actually really like him. Innocence and purity was a rarity, especially in the people Newt knew, so he felt like it was a fresh change. Thomas had promised the Coopers would visit Newt’s family one day, however the Brit didn’t know if that was such a good idea.

“I need to get out of New York,” Newt mumbled.

“Come back to California with me. You can stay with Minho and I,” Thomas suggested, turning his head lazily to look at the boy beside him.

He giggled, “and sleep where? You live in a dormitory.”

Thomas shrugged.

“We’ll find some way. Hell, I’ll force Minho out of the room if I have to. Or I can sleep on the floor again, I don’t mind,” he sweetly said.

“I’ll visit when I go to California for college.”

Rolling over to his side, Thomas proped his head up on the palm of his hand and pouted, pulling his best puppy dog eyes.

“That’ll be in like, what, a year or so? I can’t wait that long!” Thomas exclaimed.

“If we can wait a year and a half to meet, I think we can wait another year,” Newt countered back, “plus, I don’t have any money for a ticket to freaking LA yet.”

The older boy groaned, poking Newt on the cheek, “I’ll pay for your flight.”

“Tommy,” Newt whined, “you work two jobs just to pay for your own expenses. Don’t waste your hard earned cash on me.”

“But I want to”

“Tommy.”

“Newt.”

Sending one of his charming smiles, Newt knew Thomas wasn’t going to back down from this. He reached his hand out and patted Thomas’s shoulder.

“I promise I’ll visit you, okay. Besides, I have my mind set on college in California. Promise.”

“Hmm,” Thomas hummed, letting himself lay back down beside Newt, “I guess I’ll have to work with that.”

Newt tried to ignore the alarming rate his heart was beating at.

--

The two teenagers roamed the streets, trying to navigate their way through the busy New York streets. They kept their eyes peeled on the buildings and made sure they didn’t miss the dance club. Newt held the giftbag in his right hand, trying not to scream everytime his hand brushed against Thomas’s. The older didn’t seem to notice as he was too busy being excited about the party.

Soon, they reached the dance club. There already was a short line outside, most probably Newt’s schoolmates trying to get into the party. Knowing Teresa Agnes, the party was bound to be huge. Newt made a mental note of trying to keep track of Thomas through the whole line.

Seeing some familiar faces, Newt nodded his head in greeting whenever they acknowledged him. The queue got shorter quickly and both Newt and Thomas found themselves thrown into one huge crowd of dancing teenagers.

Newt immediately spotted the raven haired girl, yelling at Thomas to follow him as he gripped the older boy’s arm.

They squeezed through the crowd and just barely managed to get through the throng of already drunk teenagers.

“Hey, Newt, you made it!” the girl cheered, putting down her red solo cup and reaching out to hug Newt.

He awkwardly returned the hug, still not feeling comfortable with the physical contact. Handing her the gift, Teresa thanked him profusely before flashing a big smile at Thomas.

“Who’s this? Your plus one?”

“I’m Thomas. Happy birthday!” the brunet introduced, shaking her petite hand.

“Well, Tom,” Newt frowned slightly at the nickname, “I hope you have fun at my party. Someone spiked the punch so feel free to get wasted!”

With that, she raised her cup and strutted away, off to find her other friends. Thomas turned to Newt with a mischevious grin.

“Should we get wasted?”

Newt could practically hear his mother chastising him and he could practically see the disappointing look his father would give him. Alcohol? They’d never let their son near anything like that. ‘Shite for your young brain’, as his dad would say.

He held back, wanting to refuse Thomas’s offer.

However, when he looked at those whiskey eyes and the delicious smirk gracing his pink lips, Newt thought, ‘fuck it’.

Only his father would  be home since Ava was away on some conference thing in Chicago. He could have fun for one night, right? Surely Henry wouldn’t mind Newt crashing at Thomas’s motel anyways. Ava was always the protective one.

“Hell yeah,” Newt said determinedly, letting Thomas hook his arm around him.

Turns out, Thomas was a bit of a lightweight. Two cups of the juice and he was trying to have a dance off with someone on the dance floor. Holding his cup for him, Newt tried to keep in his laughter as he watched Thomas flail his limbs around.

He only had one cup but Newt was already feeling light headed and giddy. Whatever was in the punch seemed to work as he giggled, watching the brunet surrender from the dance off and stumble back to him. Newt handed him back his cup, staring as Thomas chugged it down.

An upbeat dance song then came on, prompting Thomas to spit out the drink he was sipping.

“Fuck, I love this song. We have to dance!”

“Wild Ones? That Flo Rida song?’ Newt asked incredulously, recgonsing the tune.

Thomas rolled his eyes and tossed his cup somewhere behind his shoulder. He took Newt’s hand in his own and tugged him towards the dance floor. Newt couldn’t do anything except let him pull him towards the neon dance floor.

“Tommy, I don’t know how to dance!” Newt yelled over the music.

Leaning down, Thomas placed his lips near Newt’s ear and grabbed his other hand in his.

“Just follow my lead!”

Thomas started to jump, forcing Newt to do the same. The younger boy began to laugh, actually full on, loudly laugh. His shoulders were shaking from laughter as Thomas started to sing the lyrics at the top of his lungs. They bopped their heads to the beat of the music and Newt could barely catch his breath. Thomas was holding onto his hands for dear life, moving Newt so that he was basically dancing.

The song was reaching it’s last chorus, which was where the bass dropped. Yelling out in excitement, the two began to dance wildly together with the other teens on stage.

This was it. Newt could feel it. He was finally letting go.

 Someone pushed Newt in the bustle, causing him to stumble. He threw his arms around Thomas’s neck as he tried to get back to his right footing. When he looked up, his heart nearly rolled out of his chest.

Thomas’s face was about eight inches away from his own face.

Newt waited for him to pull back or to even crack a  joke. However, he was only met with a strange look.

His eyes were wide open,  his irises dilating and Thomas’s pink lips slightly apart. There was a certain wildness to him, Newt could probably blame it on the alcohol. The Brit also noticed that Thomas’s hands were still on his hips. This time, his grip was much more tighter. His fingertips dug into Newt’s waist gently, holding him steady and in place.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Newt dared himself to raise an eyebrow slightly. Newt wasn’t sure what he was trying to get across to Thomas but all he wanted to do was yell at him to do something.

And that, Thomas did. Moving his head forward, Newt let him rest his forehead against his. Thomas’s eyes had closed for a split second and he licked his lips briefly, opening his eyes and held Newt’s gaze.

As if he was asking silently for his permission.

Drunk on vodka-infused fruit punch, Newt raised his head and pressed his lips onto Thomas’s.

Thomas responded by kissing back, seperating his lips slightly to bite Newt’s lip. Newt’s breath hitched, feeling his skin form goosebumps. Chills ran up his spine and his head was spinning.

It felt like a dream. Thomas’s lips tasted like alcohol and chocolate cookies, a taste Newt knew he could never forget.

Trailing his hands up from Thomas’s neck, Newt ran his fingers through his hair. He curled his fingers, tugging at it gently. Thomas gasped into his mouth and broke the kiss, immediately sending them both into a fit of pants.

Oh my God. I just kissed Thomas. I liked that kiss. I like Thomas.

Newt’s mind was at a frenzy. About twenty different voices were yelling at him, both celebrating and panicking over what he had just done. He scrambled to get his hands off Thomas, his face contorting into an expression of panic and anxiousness.

“I-I’m sorry, I don’t – “

“Newt, it’s okay, I wanted to,” Thomas interrupted, but he wasn’t paying attention.

He was too busy trying not to lose his mind. He needed to breathe. He needs air. He needs to get away from Thomas.

Pushing away everyone, Newt ignored Thomas as he limped through the crowd and kept his eye on the exit door. Thomas’s voice was drown out by the noise of the music and the traffic outside. Newt almost fell on the pavement as he searched desperately for an escape route.

He doesn’t want to talk to Thomas. He’s going to do something stupid again.

Thomas is his best friend!

“I JUST KISSED MY BEST FRIEND!” Newt screamed in his head, not even believing his own actions.

Newt spotted a taxi and ran for it, throwing himself into the taxi. From the corner of his eyes, he could see Thomas running towards the car.

“Drive, please, go!” Newt shouted, desperately pleading for the driver to move. The middle-aged man seemed shocked but nodded quickly, already moving his gear stick.

“Newt! Hey, Newt!”

Speeding away, Newt could only sit and watch as the car drove away. His eyes were beginning to water and he sighed, his heart breaking as he saw Thomas stand helplessly in the middle of the road.

--

By the time Newt reached his apartment, he didn’t let out the breath he was holding until he ran into his home. Locking the door, Newt leant against it and slid down, collecting his face in his hands.

He had fucked up. Big time.

The relationship they had was something Newt treasured with his entire being. Thomas was his safe space and he couldn’t believe he had messed it all up by kissing him. They were both intoxicated. Newt knew deep down if Thomas was sober, he wouldn’t have kissed him back.

He knew he shouldn’t have done it, taking advantage of Thomas like that made Newt feel quite sick. Groaning out in frustration, the blonde boy scratched his head furiously.

“Newton?”

Henry stood in front of him, holding a cup of tea in his hands and furrowed his eyebrows at his son.

“What are ya doing?” the father asked, going towards Newt and sitting cross-legged in front of him.

Newt shook his head, “I don’t know. I don’t know what I just did.”

“Need to talk about it?”

“No, you wouldn’t understand,” Newt laughed humouressly, waving his hand dismissively.

Pursing his lips, Henry handed the cup of tea to Newt and silently encouraged him to drink it.

“Hey, it might shock ya  but I was a teenager too. Long time ago, but I was once a kid like you.”

“Well, then, I suppose you’ve fucked up a really important friendship like me?” Newt spat bitterly.

“Of course. Who hasn’t?” Henry answered simply, shrugging his shoulders.

Newt let out a noise of frustration, “no, you don’t get it. I royally screwed up this one.”

“Try me, Newton.”

Sighing, Newt closed his eyes and leaned the back of his head onto the door. After a minute of silence, he finally spoke.

“I kissed Thomas.”

He braced himself for his father’s reaction, not knowing if Henry was going to flip out or be okay with the fact that Newt was gay.

“The boy from the other night?” Newt heard Henry ask.

He soundlessly nodded.

“Okay. Do you like him?”

Newt opened his eyes and looked at his father, trying to find any sign of disapoointment or even disgust.

“I don’t know. I think so?”

Henry grinned, the cheekiness reaching his eyes, “I think you really do like him.”

“What? How would you know that?”

“Oh come on, sonny. You let him have dinner with us, you showed him your spot on the roof, hell you even spent the entirety of the last two days with him. You’re panicking over your friendship being ruined, which can only mean that this thing you have with  Thomas is that important to you. You never let anyone be with you on that roof, not even Alby or me,” Henry explained, earning a huff from Newt.

In his pocket, Newt could feel his phone vibrating. He fished it out and stared at the caller ID.

“Is that him?” Henry asked.

Newt nodded.

“Are you gonna answer it?”

Newt shook his head. He rejected the call, finally noticing the twenty messages Thomas had sent him. Not  being able to handle this now, Newt ignored the call again and put it down beside him. The phone vibrated noisily on the floor bu Newt left it alone.

 He let his father’s words sink in.

“Do you think Thomas likes you back?”

Heat began to rise in Newt’s cheeks, prompting him to feel nervous and uncomfortable.

“Hell if I know,” he mumbled, playing with the hem of his shirt, “he likes me as his best friend. Probably nothing more.”

The two of them sat there on the floor, not saying anything more as Newt began to think.

If Thomas wasn’t intoxicated, would he actually kiss him back?

He tried to look for signs that might indicate if the older boy had mutual feelings. Thomas always paid good attention to whatever Newt said or did. He didn’t mind listening to Newt’s depressing thoughts or rants. He always understood Newt, and when he couldn’t, he really tried to. Whenever Newt was around Thomas or even when they were texting, he felt so safe and comfortable. He liked talking to Thomas because he was so intelligent and thought of everything through an equal point of view. He was selfless, caring and kind.

Newt then thought back to the previous night. Thomas didn’t want him to leave, he wanted him to stay the night. There was a certain glint in his eyes and Newt didn’t know what it meant.

“How did you know you love Mum?” Newt questioned softly, breaking the silence.

“I guess I was always loved the feeling I got when I was with her. The feeling was similar to when you take drugs. Addicting. Sometimes, it felt like I couldn’t breathe unless she was around. She always paid attention to what I had to say and I did the same.”

“Thomas does pay a lot of attention to me. Bloody hell, he hasn’t stopped trying to call me since just now. But isn’t that what best friends do?” Newt pointed out, shurgging his shoulders a bit.

Henry hummed and glanced down at the vibrating phone.

“Don’t you think maybe they’re the same thing? Love and attention?”

Chapter Text

“Hey, it’s Newt. I’m probably away from my phone now so leave a message. Make it good.”

“Newt, could you please call me back? I need to talk to you, just,” Thomas took a deep breath, “just call me. Please.”

Hanging up, he sighed and fell back down onto his motel bed. Had he known this would happen, Thomas wouldn’t have went to that stupid party. It wasn’t like he regretted that kiss or anything. In fact, he was pretty sure he loved it. Maybe Newt didn’t like it as much.

“But he was the one who kissed me,” Thomas whined out loud. He grabbed a pillow and hugged it, trying not to cry again. He had done enough of that when Newt ran out of the club.

Thomas tried to push Newt’s expression the previous night away in his head. The look of shock and anxiousness was heart wrenching.

Confusion was the only thing Thomas could comprehend then. Well, and extreme, soul crushing sadness. All he wanted to do was talk to Newt but the British boy was MIA. Thomas had thought of visiting Newt at his home. He was debating with himself, weighing out the pros and cons of going over to his house.

Looking down at his open notebook, Thomas bit on the end of his pencil and stared at the options.

PROS

Newt will stop ignoring me

I can talk to newt

We can work what happened out

Confess my undying love for this idiot

CONS

Newt will kick me out

We might fight

Newt doesn’t actually like me and he will friendzone me

Or worse, he’ll never talk to me again

“Ugh,” Thomas mumbled to himself, picking up his phone. He quickly dialled the number and waited for his best friend to pick up.

“Miss me already, you shank?”

Thomas scoffed, “shut up, Minho. I actually need your help.”

“Shoot.”

“Remember the Newt guy I’m meeting in New York?” Thomas asked.

He could hear Minho’s snort through the other line, “no, I can’t remember from the fifty millons time you’ve told me about him. What about Mr Sexy British Accent?”

Thomas blushed and rolled his eyes.

“He kinda kissed me last night.”

“No way, are you still breathing?” Minho joked but Thomas clicked his tongue.

“I’m okay, you idiot. It’s just,” he pinched the bridge of his nose, “after he kissed me, he ran away. Completely freaked out. I don’t know if he regrets it or if he did it because he was drunk or whatever. He’s not picking up his phone now and he’s pretty much shutting me out.”

Minho made a humming noise, “and you don’t know what to do?”

“Pretty much.”

Thomas laid down on his stomach, awaiting Minho’s reply.

The dude may be a cassanova, but he gave some pretty solid love advice. He was the one who convinced Thomas to get out of his toxic relationship with Brenda, something he would forever be indebted for. If he could help Thomas with Brenda, Thomas was sure he could help him with Newt.

“Do you like him? More than a friend?”

“Yes,” Thomas replied without hesitation, “I don’t know if he does, though.”

“And he kissed you?”

“Yup.”

Minho cleared his throat, “he could have just panicked. You guys are really close, anyways. He probably thought you didn’t like him or he’s afraid this will ruin your relationship.”

“But I kissed him back,” Thomas sighed.

“Could’ve been too much for him to process. Maybe he’s just freaked out, that’s all. You know where he lives, right?”

Thomas nodded, letting out a small ‘yes’.

“Great. Go after him. Don’t let him ignore you or else you guys will never speak again.”

That was enough motivation for Thomas to get up from his bed and rush to put his shoes on.

--

He was already regretting this decision. Fear crawled at his stomach as he stood in front of the white door. If Newt was home, Thomas could possibly be doing something that would ruin their friendship or be the start of something new.

Raising his hand, Thomas knocked on the door. He waited for about ten seconds before he knocked again.

The door swung open, revealing the familiar ginger-bearded man.

“Oh, hello. Thomas, is it?” Henry questioned.

“Yes, sir. Is Newt home?”

“He’s locked himself in his room, bugger refuses to come out. Maybe you can try again later?” the man suggested.

Thomas couldn’t help but notice how his eye twitched. Was he lying?

“Sir, please, I just want to talk to Newt for a second. Would you let me at least wait for him inside?” Thomas begged, pulling on his best puppy-dog eyes. Everyone crumbled under those, thank god for his ‘adorable bambi eyes’.

Henry seemed to consider it and he let out a breath, opening the door open more slightly. Inviting him in silently, Thomas thanked him and stepped into the apartment. Nothing seemed to change except for the denim jacket that sat on the sofa.

It was Newt’s. He always wore that jacket. Hell, he wore it just last night.

He sat himself down on the sofa, keeping a close eye on the jacket as he settled beside it. Thomas wondered if it would still smell like the cologne Newt wore.

“Just wait here, I’ll go get him.”

Thomas nodded, nervously rubbing his hands and replaying the speech in his head.

Just play it cool, Thomas. Stay calm. Don’t yell back if Newt yells at you. Definitely don’t try to kiss him. Just stay calm.

Calm.

 Calm.

 Calm.

“Tommy?”

He almost shit his pants. Standing up quickly, Thomas almost knocked over a vase on the table. He stumbled and made sure it didn’t fall.

“Newt,” Thomas breathlessly said, watching the younger boy cautiously.

His hair was more disshelved than usual and bags prominently formed under his eyes. His usual pale cheeks were slightly red and his eyes were blotchy. Thomas knew Newt probably looked horrible to other people but to him, he was still pretty good looking.

“Why did you come here? I ignored you,” Newt said in a small voice, meekly looking down at his hands.

“I uh, I wanted to say something.”

Newt remained at his spot near the kitchen but nodded, letting Thomas talk.

“I don’t know why you ran away or why you kissed me, but I just want to tell you I’m not angry. If you don’t want this to change us, we can just pretend like it never happened and go as we were. I’ll never mention the kiss and we can just be friends because I can’t go about my life without you. You’re not just my best friend, you’re one of my constants and I really can’t lose you. I don’t know what I would do if I did so please, just say what you want me to do and I’ll do it,” Thomas’s eyes never left Newt’s once.

Silence. Thomas didn’t know if what he said had helped or fucked this situation up more.

“Do you want to act like nothing happened?” Newt asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Strolling towards him, Thomas shrugged. When Newt didn’t move back, he kept going until there was about an arm’s length of distance between them.

“Anything you want.”

“What do you want? Honestly?”

Thomas shook his head, “you’re my priority. It doesn’t matter what I want.”

Frowning, Newt stepped back and crossed his arms.

“Of course, it fucking matters, Tommy. It should and it always does to me too. Stop being so selfless and tell me what you want, you twat.”

“God! You, okay! I want you to like me back! More than a friend, I want you to like me too. Is that what you wanted to hear?” Thomas finally snapped, raising his voice.

Fuck, Thomas, what did you just do?

It didn’t seem to shock  Newt as he stood up straight, the smallest of smiles crawling onto his face. He stepped towards Thomas and wrapped his arms tightly around the boy’s neck. Stumbling back from the unexpected strength, Thomas letting a sound mixed between a groan and a gasp. Once he finally grasped what was going on, he responded by snaking his own arms around Newt’s waist.

“That’s exatly what I wanted to hear,” Newt whispered, his voice muffled by Thomas’s shirt.

Thomas chuckled, feeling his heart soar out of his chest.

“So you like me too or what?” he teased.

Breaking apart from the hug, Newt kept one of his hands on Thomas’s shoulder as he flicked his finger onto his forehead. Thomas hissed.

“What do you think, you idiot?”

--

Thomas rolled over on the bed, turning to face  the blonde beauty beside him. He raised his hand up and placed it gently on Newt’s cheek, carressing it lightly. Newt smiled back, holding Thomas’s hand in response.

 If pure bliss could be defined in a moment, it was that right then.

They had spent half the day cuddling, after a pretty heated make out session. The two teenagers were going at it two hours before when they heard the front door slam. Newt had been the one to break apart first, looking over his shoulder and at the door.

Let’s just say they had completely forgotten Henry was at home.

“How long more til your mum comes home?” Thomas asked.

“Around midnight, don’t worry. We still have time.”

“It’s not that I’m worried about,” he confessed.

Newt raised an eyebrow.

“Us? You want to tell my mum?” Newt questioned incredulously.

“We’ll have to someday,” Thomas countered, turning his hand over to hold Newt’s hand.

He placed their intertwined hands between their heads.

“Tommy, we have to take it slow. We just got together. I promise we’ll tell our parents one day. Just now now, okay?”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Thomas nodded, “I don’t know what I was thinking. Sorry.”

Newt chuckled, “you’re so impulsive. God, you’re lucky you have me.”

Thomas rolled his eyes and moved his body forward, laying his head on top of Newt’s chest. The blonde started playing with his hair, earning a satisfied hum. Music was softly playing in the background as Troye Sivan’s melodious voice sang the words to ‘for him.’

This was all still a shock to Thomas. He couldn’t believe he was cuddling with Newt. In fact, he couldn’t believe Newt even liked him back. For a long time he thought the crush he was forming on Newt was going to be one-sided. He thanked the Gods above it wasn’t.

Happiness was an understatement when it came to what Thomas was feeling.

“Do you know there’s a pride parade tomorrow?” Newt asked, pulling Thomas out of his thoughts.

Looking up at him, Thomas shook his head.

“You wanna go? It could be our first official date,” the Brit offered, “it’ll be fun.”

“Hell yeah,” Thomas agreed, snuggling into Newt’s chest.

“We should make signs,” Newt suggested.

So that was how the two teens ended up covered in glitter and poster paint three hours later. Two big white boards sat in the middle of the room as they lay on their stomachs, decorating their own respective signs. Newt had taken out most of his art supplies, ranging from markers to glitter glue to crayons.

Thomas’s board  had ‘support love’ written in big bold black letters. A rainbow coloured sparkly heart replaced the ‘o’ in love, creating a colourful contrast to the plain white background. He had been messing around with the glitters, which ended up on his arms, legs and even Newt’s hair and jaw.

(Granted, they had gotten distracted for a hot second and Thomas completely forgot about the glitter on his hands.)

Newt’s board was a little bit more decorated. His one read out ‘prouder than ever’. The words were written on top of a ribbon curling around a rainbow coloured heart. Rainbow hearts were a constant theme in both of their boards. There was an artistic flair to Newt’s design, which had tiny cute doodles around the heart. He was quite satisfied with it and stood up, taking it in his hands and holding it up to show Thomas.

“Good job, babe, it looks good,” Thomas complimented, causing Newt to blush at the nickname.

Glancing down at his own board, Thomas snorted.

“Mine is a mess,” he whined, “yours looks amazing.”

Newt squatted down beside Thomas and peeked over his shoulder, looking at his board.

“It’s cute. I like it, reminds me of you. All lively and bubbly but super messy,” Newt said sweetly as he ducked his head to kiss Thomas on the side of his forehead.

Laughing, Thomas turned over and forced Newt to lie down beside him, trapping him in his arms. Newt yelped out in surprise and tried to wiggle himself out of Thomas.

“Let go of me, you big dork,” Newt chortled, only making him tighten his grip around Newt.

Thomas began placing quick, chaste kisses around Newt’s face, enjoying the way his face scrunched up. He kept doing that until he felt Newt relax in his arms instead of struggling. With a content sigh, Newt moved his head so that his lips caught Thomas’s.

It never got old. Thomas’s heart still raced whenever Newt kissed him. He felt like he could do absolutely anything and everything with this feeling.

Moving his hand up to Thomas’s jaw, Newt deepened the kiss. Thomas busied himself by trying not to scream as he let go of Newt and dug his hands into the  boy’s hair. He tugged at it slightly and Newt gasped, giving Thomas the chance to take control. Licking Newt’s bottom lip gently, Thomas heard the boy groan and let him slip his tongue in.

Newt broke apart from the kiss and kept his eyes closed, taking in deep breaths. The sound of Thomas’s heartbeat drummed in his ears and he gulped. God, this was absolute heaven. Thomas kept his forehead on top of Newt’s and smiled. Their noses brushed ever so slightly and Newt opened his eyes, returning the grin.

“I like you so much,” Newt whispered, staring deeply into Thomas’s stunning whiskey eyes.

Thomas rubbed his nose against Newt’s, “ditto.”

Before they could do anything else, the front door opened. They immediately got off each other, scrambling to get up onto their feet. The sound of heels clicking against the wooden floor sounded and Newt’s eyes widened.

“Newton? You home?” Ava’s voice came through behind the door.

“Yeah, Mum, give me a second,” Newt called  back. He turned to Thomas and pecked him on the lips quickly.

“I’ll be right back,” he promised.

The older boy nodded and sat back down on his bed, letting Newt run out of his room. When Newt came out, Thomas waited anxiously as he picked his fingernails. He had no idea what was going on outside, but he could hear their voices muffled by the walls. Thomas decided to distract himself and stood back up, leaning down so that he could start cleaning.

The conversation outside didn’t last too long as Newt returned, looking slightly upset. He pointed towards the window and Thomas instantly knew what he wanted to do. Dropping all the things he was holding, he unlocked the window and climbed out onto the fire escape. Newt followed him closely as they ascended the ladder.

Once they reached the top, Thomas scooted over so that Newt had space to sit. He held his arm out, inviting Newt to snuggle into him. The look of anxiousness quickly changed into one of slight delight and he complied, letting Thomas rest his arm around his shoulder. He laid his head on top of Thomas’s own shoulder and sighed.

“My mum wants to talk to me. Just me and her. Tonight after dinner,” he mumbled.

Thomas looked down at Newt, “is that a bad thing?”

“I don’t know. She sounded sort of..” Newet hesitated, “upset? She wasn’t angry, she just looked really sad. Like something really bad happened.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing too bad. If it was bad news, wouldn’t she tell you straight up?”

Newt shrugged and kept quiet, although Thomas could tell he was panicking on the inside.

“Hey, Newt, listen to me,” Thomas rubbed his shoulder comfortingly, “I promise, it won’t be bad. Maybe she just wants to talk to you about college or something. Maybe something happened at her workplace and she’s stressed and upset about that. I’m sure it has nothing to do with you.”

Playing with the shoelaces of his Chuck Taylors, he remained silent and just nodded. Thomas’s heart sank, not knowing how else to comfort the boy. Perhaps, all he needed now was some silence.

Thomas looked up and admired the view, watching the sun slowly set. The sky went from a pale azure blue to a pretty light purple shade, signifying that night was coming. It wasn’t very cold up in the roof but it was chilly enough that it wasn’t uncomfortable. His hair blew slightly in the wind, his bangs brushing against his eyebrows.

“Can you be with me? When she talks to me?”

Without skipping a beat, Thomas replied.

“Of course. Anything for you, Newt.”

The simper Newt gave to Thomas could almost extend his lifespan by another twenty years.

--

Dinner was, Thomas would say, awkward. No one really spoke and the most uncomfortable part of it was that he felt like he was in the middle of a tension sandwhich. Whenever he saw Newt pick at his food, Thomas would send him a sideway glance of assurance and place his hand on Newt’s knee. This seemed to calm him down on several occassions. However, the anxiety got worse when desert came around.

Thomas stared at his chocolate cake, wishing for the ground to swallow him up.

God, will she say something?

Under the table, Newt felt around for Thomas’s hand and grasped it, intertwining their fingers. Thomas nearly choked on a piece of cake as he was taken by surprise. Also, Newt’s grip on his fingers was a little bit too tight. Thomas let it happen anyways, knowing Newt was going to do something.

“What was it that you wanted to talk about, Mum?” Newt politely asked.

Ava put down her fork and looked at Newt expectantly.

“I was hoping we could do it in private, Newton,” Ava pointed out.

Newt shook his head, “no. Thomas is my best friend and he knows everything about me. He stays.”

Thomas squeezed his hand. He almost laughed at the phrase ‘best friend’. Do best friends kiss and make out?

“Fine then,” Ava cleared her throat and folded her arms, “I was wondering what you’re hiding from me, Newton.”

“What?”

The tension in the air was so thick, Thomas figured he couldn’t cut it using the strongest chainsaw in the world.

“The big question here is when were you going to tell me that you’re gay?” Ava drawled out, a hint of bitterness in her voice.

Oh, boy. Here we go.

Running a thumb over Newt’s knuckle, he watched Newt flinch in his seat. His face contorted into shock. Eyebrows were both raised and his jaw was practically dropping down onto the floor. Thomas could feel the bile rising in his own throat. This could either go really good or really bad.

“I’m sorry but isn’t that my choice?” Newt defended, sounding quite offended. Using both of his hands, Thomas held onto the younger boy’s hand. He was trembling.

“It is. So, I’m asking you when you were going to come out to me?” Ava asked again, seemingly still pretty calm.

Newt scoffed, “why would I even need to come out if you already knew? Dad told you, didn’t he?”

“He did.”

“Why do you even care?” Newt snarled, wiggling his hand out of Thomas’s and standing up from his seat, “what, so you can scold me again? Nag to me about how being gay is abnormal? Is that what you wanna say?”

Ava kept her calm, “no. I do not want to do any of that. I care about you, Newt.”

“Shut up, no you don’t. You just like to act like you care, so you can find some kind of fucking excuse to reprimand me and use that as a way to vent out your own stress!” by this time, Newt was already yelling. Thomas watched the both of them helplessly, feeling rather dirty because he was invading a fight he wasn’t supposed to see.

Something seemed to snap in Ava and she narrowed her eyes at Newt, “it might seem like a foreign concept to you, Newt, but you’re my son. If you think all those chastising I do is just a stress outlet for me, you’re sorely mistaken. Keeping secrets was the exact reason why you tried to jump off that roof and I’m just trying to make sure you’re not going to do that again!”

“Fuck you! What makes you think me being gay had anything to do with me trying to kill myself? You know what did? You and your stupid fucking expectations and your stupid nagging and you constantly making me feel like I wasn’t bloody good enough for jack shit! You and Dad fighting! Everything I do to you isn’t right, even me deciding when I come out to you. And now, what? I try to kill myself and ruin my fucking leg and suddenly you care? Fuck off!”

With that, Newt slammed his hands on the table and stormed off. He escaped into his bedroom and slammed the door as hardly as he could. The sound echoed in the house. Thomas stared at the plate in front of him, wondering what he should say. Words tumbled out of him before he could stop them.

“Newt doesn’t think being gay is a big deal. He just wants you to understand him and what he wants, not just what you think is right. Coming out should be something he decides to do. He’s not obligated to tell you anything,” Thomas said, avoiding all eye contact with Ava.

When he didn’t hear a reply, he just stood up and walked away, already rushing to Newt’s room. He turned the knob and found it unlocked, letting himself in. Knowing that he wouldn’t mind, Thomas made sure to lock the door.

Newt was curled up on his bed, facing away from Thomas. His shoulders were shaking and sniffles could be heard. Thomas felt everything in his body go cold and he bit his lip, hating the way Newt was crying. He shouldn’t be crying. Newt deserved every ounce of happiness and Thomas felt horrible knowing he hadn’t received all of that. Stepping out of his shoes, Thomas crawled onto the bed and laid beside Newt.

He tested the water by placing a hand on Newt’s arm. When he didn’t shrug him off, Thomas snaked his arms around Newt, spooning him. That was when Newt started to fully cry. With every heart wrenching sob, Thomas felt his own tears pouring out of his eyes.

Why did it have to be Newt?

Chapter Text

Newt stared at the ceiling, admiring the glow-in-the-dark stars he had pasted on years ago. They were scattered all over the place. He figured it was the perfect representation of his feelings then. Turning his slightly to face the boy beside him, he was face to face with a sleeping Thomas. Looking as peaceful as ever, Thomas snored lightly. Once that boy was asleep, he was deep in sleep. Banging pots and pans over his head probably wouldn’t wake him up.

It was pretty quiet outside the flat. Well, it was three am. Everybody was asleep.

Thomas’s arm was thrown over Newt’s waist, hands intertwined together.

Busting for a cup of tea, Newt slowly removed his hand from Thomas’s and lifted his arm over. The older boy did not wake up and merely rolled away from Newt, curling into his ownself. Newt got up from the bed, rolling his eyes playfully as he heard Thomas mumble something in his sleep.

He treaded over to the door and unlocked the door, making sure to close it as quietly as he could. Newt walked down the hallway and into the kitchen. He almost had a heart attack when he saw his mother sitting at the dining table. Ava was working on her laptop. She was typing something with her fast flying fingers and Newt’s noise of surprise made her look up from her work. Her icy blue eyes softened.

“Not asleep yet?”

Newt just shook his head. He made his way to the kitchen and went straight for the kettle. Filling it up with tap water, Newt bit his lip as regret and guilt gnawed at him.

Whenever Newt was angry or annoyed, he’d always say something he didn’t mean. This usually happened a lot whenever he talked to his mother. Talking to her felt like talking to a brick wall. Most times, she was harsh and straight to the point, never once hearing what Newt had to say about something. The one time she wasn’t being overly opinionated or fierce, he had basically fucked it all up.

He had to say something.

Just what?

As he waited for the kettle, Newt stood over the counter and gazed at a document stuck on the fridge. It was Newt’s therapy sessions. He had made sure to take a week off from them, knowing he wanted to spend his summer break with Thomas. Those therapy sessions were a great help for Newt. They helped keep him calm and sane in his crazy, busy life. That and Thomas were the biggest helps in his life.

When the kettle buzzed, Newt poured some hot boiling water into his favourite mug. Peeking at Ava’s mess of work, he realized that she only had a cup of water that was nearly empty. He took a spare red mug and tossed a tea bag in, pouring water into it until it reached halfway. Newt knew how Ava liked her tea, just one spoonful of sugar. Dunking a spoonful of sugar in, he threw in three teaspoons of sugar into his own mug and a dash of milk before picking both cups by their handle. He waddled over towards the dining table and put the cups down. Pushing the spare mug towards Ava, he simply nodded when she thanked him.

He sat down opposite her at the table and watched her work for a while. Ava didn’t seem to mind as she continued to type away, her attention focused on her laptop. Newt started to notice the stress lines on her forehead get stronger and the dark circles under her eyes getting more prominent.

Newt sighed, letting his shoulders slump.

“I’m sorry. For shouting at you. I was just,” Newt couldn’t find the right words to finish his sentence. How could he? He didn’t really know why he burst anyways.

Ava’s eyes flicked up from her screen and up at Newt.

“You know I never mean to make you feel horrible?” she asked.

“I know that,” Newt meekly replied, “I’m just annoyed by, I don’t know, how everything I do seems wrong to you.”

Closing her laptop, Ava pushed it aside and crossed her arms.

“Not everything you do is wrong, Newt. There’s just better ways to go about certain things. If I do nag, it’s because I want to remind you about something that you keep forgetting. We’re all humans, it’s perfectly normal to forget about things.”

She paused for a moment and used the tiny space of silence to sip on her tea. Newt kept quiet.

“I have to admit, sometimes I do take out my stress on you and Henry. And I’m sorry. I know I’m not a perfect mum. I don’t spend time baking with you, or helping you out with your homework or sitting down and talking to you about your day. Sometimes, I go for days without seeing you. Work always gets in the way and it occupies my time. But I do all this for you, Newt,” Ava explained, “everything I do is for the sole interest of you. Not me, not Henry. Just you. I want to make sure we have enough money to survive. College isn’t cheap, either, you know.”

Newt just nodded. He saw her point but he just couldn’t understand why she never tried to understand him and the way he felt.

“So why can’t you try to understand me? Not everything you think is right is right for me,” Newt questioned softly, staring at the tea in his mug.

Ava sighed, “I don’t know how to. Everytime we talk, it always ends up in some shouting match or me getting angry with you and vice versa. Henry says it’s because we both have incredibly strong personalities.” She added a little laugh at the last sentence.

“Do you know why I want to go to California Institue of Art?”

“Of course. You love art, it’s your passion.”

Newt shook his head, “it’s not just that. After the incident, art became an outlet for me. I painted and drew out all my feelings and it was the best feeling ever. Suddenly, I saw some kind of point in living and trying, if it meant I got to create different worlds and realities. Art saved my life, Mum. I just want to do something I feel deeply for and have a strong passion for. I could paint for a living and earn so little but God, I know I’d be the happiest I’ve ever been. Beats spending years being a doctor and lawyer and hating my life and job. Isn’t that what you want for me, happiness?”

Closing her eyes, Ava nodded soundlessly as a tear rolled down her cheek. She had never cried in front of him before.

Newt smiled despite that, feeling his own eyes water.

“Finally, we agree on something,” he lightheartedly said.

Ava gripped the mug, “and you should also know, I don’t mind if you’re gay. I don’t mind if you liked girls or both or more. Nothing like that matters to me and I want you to know that I care more about other things than your sexuality. Surpisingly, I know how you feel. You have no idea.”

His eyes widened. What did she mean by that?

“And that thing you have with Thomas? I may have come close to what you two have but it’ll never be the same. I know how much he means to you. Anyone can see it, Newt. He’s your best friend, maybe even more now, and I don’t want to take that away from you. But I also want to be someone you can turn to whenever Thomas isn’t around. I’ll try, I promise. Even if it means holding back on the things I say or nagging less. If it means less pressure for you, I will try to do it. I want things to change around here. Home should be a safe space for you and I haven’t been helping with that.”

Ava let out a long, deep breath as she tried not to cry, holding a tissue up to the side of her eye. This was something new. Newt always thought his mother was an emotionless robot. Turns out she wasn’t. Who could’ve thought.

“Okay,” Newt simply agreed, “I think I should change too. I’ve been thinking about it and I want to go back on the pills. My mood swings been worse since I got off them.”

Frowning, Ava furrowed her eyebrows. He had been so happy when the doctor told them he didn’t have to take them anymore.

“Are you sure?”

Without hesitation, he nodded.

“Alright, I’ll head to the pharmacy in the afternoon. Do you want to come along?” she tried asking.

“No, Thomas and I are going to the pride parade later today. We’ll be home for dinner though.”

Ava smiled, “okay. I’m glad we had this conversation. I don’t want to be the villain in your life anymore. You mean too much to me.”

Newt was sure that was the closest Ava ever got to saying ‘I love you’.

--

Some of the streets in New York were closed for the pride parade. Although the streets were closed, there was a huge crowd of people lining down the streets behind barriers. They were all eager to get a look at the Pride Parade. The bright sun was blazing down onto the city, illuminating the hundreds of signs and rainbow flags.

Newt held onto Thomas’s hands as they navigated their way through the crowd, trying to find Frypan. His real name was Siggy, but mostly everyone called him Frypan due to his huge love for cooking. He was a boy he had met at an Art Youth Club and they had instantly clicked. Upon knowing he was marching in the parade with the other Youth Club members, Newt messaged him and asked if him and Thomas could tag along. It’d be more fun actually being in the parade rather than just being spectators.

Being the lovable and friendly man Frypan was, he instantly encouraged the two boys to come along. He mentioned that he was bringing along his own boyfriend, Gally, who wasn’t in the Art Youth Club eiter. They had agreed to meet near a coffee shop but the crowd around the street was too dense. Newt had to even tip toe to try and look for his dark skinned friend.

“Newt!”

Turning around, Newt was immediately caught in a bone-crushing hug. Only one person gave hugs like that.

“Hey, Fry!” he chuckled, patting Frypan on the back.

When Frypan let go of Newt, he stepped back and looked at Thomas with a warm simper.

“You must be Thomas! I’m Frypan, nice to meet you,” he introduced.

Thomas nodded and sent back a polite smile, “hey, nice to meet you too.”

“Gally! Come meet our new friends!” Frypan called over his shoulder, beckoning a tall, brooding guy.

He had very distinct features, Newt would say. His eyebrows had a specific kind of arch that made him look constantly angry and dark blue eyes. Holding his hand out, he firmly  shook hands with both Newt and Thomas. Although he had an intimidating demeanor, the rainbow paint on his cheeks would prove otherwise. Along with the big bright smile he had on.

Gally seemed nice but shy, only talking much to Frypan. He seemed pretty new to this whole LGBT thing as his eyes were constantly wide open and a look of awe was permenantly plastered across his face. Thomas was pretty much the same, oogling at everything and pointing out about twenty different cool things every five seconds. A sense of pride washed over Newt and he held Thomas’s hand, giving it a tight squeeze before letting go.

Newt wasn’t sure where Thomas stood with PDA but considering they had just gotten together, he decided to give the older  boy some space. Obviously, Newt wouldn’t mind holding Thomas’s hand in public or even kissing him. He just wanted to make sure Thomas was comfortable with it first.

It seemed like Thomas was pretty comfortable with it when he snatched back Newt’s free hand, intertwining their fingers and giving him a cheeky look.

“Are you okay with this?” Newt asked, showing their intertwined hands.

“Seriously? We’re at a pride parade and you’re asking me if I’m okay with holding my own boyfriend’s hand?” Thomas exclaimed incredulously.

His heart fluttered at the title. Boyfriend. He quite liked that.

The crowd of the ‘marchers’ began to move, signifying the start of the parade. Loud music pumped through the speakers and it made everyone start to either sing along or dance. ‘Love Me’ by The 1975 was blasting, prompting Thomas to start singing along to the lyrics out loud. Both Frypan and Gally were holding hands too, Frypan even asking Gally to dance with him. Several people around them were already grooving, swaying to the music or jumping up and down excitedly. Newt couldn’t help but sing along, swinging his hand with Thomas back and forth.

About three songs later (during which Thomas sang the lyrics to out loud), the group the teens were in started to walk, indicating that they were about to start their round of marching. Gally raised the huge rainbow flag he was holding and ran up to the front of the crowd, Frypan in tow with his own sign. His had the words ‘love always wins’ with a big smiley face on the bottom of it. Thomas raised his own sign into the air, Newt following in suit. Flashing their cute signs, Newt noticed several people pointing out their signs and their intertwined hands. Since they were at the far left of the crowd, Newt could hear most words that were being said by the spectators beside them.

A girl with pink hair caught Newt’s eye and she gave him a thumbs up.

“You guys are adorable!” she yelled, making Newt blush.

He felt Thomas lean over and thank her, smirking at the younger boy.

“People think we’re cute!” he gleefully said, “you should take the credit for all of it!”

“You’re so cheesy, it’s disgusting,” Newt fake gagged, which only earned him a laugh and a push.

They continued to walk, feeling a lot of eyes on them. It took Newt a while to get used to the attention and he began to enjoy it, smiling at anyone who grinned at him. Happiness and joy devoured him and he couldn’t help the happiness that practically oozed out of him. This was the best he’d felt in days.

Here he was, with people who were just like him and feeling so accepted and celebrated, with his boyfriend holding his hand. Newt never would have thought he would be going through something like this a year ago.

Thomas dug his phone out of his pocket and turned on the camera, facing the screen towards them. Holding his hand up, he shouted for Newt to smile. Pulling on the biggest and cheesiest smile Newt could master, he posed for the photo with his cheek close beside Thomas’s own cheek. He turned his head and kissed Newt on the cheek, elliciting a loud ‘mwah’ when he pulled away. Newt actually giggled and held onto Thomas’s jaw, peppering him with his own chaste kisses.

Taking the phone away from Thomas, Newt decieded to scroll through the selfies they took.

“I look so happy,” Newt chuckled, “I like these. They’re so cute.”

Hooking an arm over Newt’s shoulder, the taller boy agreed and they continued to walk, ocassionaly waving to a few bystanders.

The event lasted for two hours and Newt was starting to feel light headed. His leg was starting to ache too, seeing as they had walked for along time. Feeling slightly dizzy, he guiltily asked Thomas if they could leave early. He really didn’t want to and he knew how much Thomas was enjoying himself. Despite that, Thomas quickly agreed and ushered them away.

They found a Subway and threw themselves in, settling down onto one of the tables. Thomas went off to order some food after placing a brief kiss on Newt’s forehead. Newt hummed and relaxed, stretching out his leg and letting his eyes rest. He didn’t know how but somehow he had fallen asleep.

When he woke up, he noticed Thomas flipping through a book while munching on a cookie. He sat opposite Newt and had his eyes glued on the reading material. Newt sat up, clearly disgruntled and confused.

“How long was I out?”

Thomas looked up from the book, “an hour or so. I know you didn’t sleep much so I let you nap.”

 “I wanna go home,” Newt yawned.

--

The moment Newt reached his house, he let himself fall onto the bed. He could feel his body give in to sleep again and he snuggled into his pillows properly. Thomas sat down on the bed beside him and helped Newt remvoe his shoes at least.

“You’re the best, you know that?” Newt said, his voice muffled by the pillow.

Thomas laughed and moved Newt so that he was laying on his back instead.

“I’m fully aware of my amazing-ness,” he joked, forcing Newt to sit up slightly as he removed his jacket.

Once his jacket was off, Thomas removed his own shoes and laid down on the bed beside Newt. Automatically, Newt rolled over into his arms and let Thomas spoon him. It had only been one day since they got together,  but everything touchy they did felt automatic already.

Thomas rested his head on top of Newt’s and ran his hand up and down his arm, lulling Newt to sleep.

Giddily, Newt spoke.

“I’m seriously considering going to California with you when you leave.”

“I thought you didn’t want to?”

Newt sighed, “I know, but we just started dating. We only have two days left together. I don’t want you to leave.”

“Ask your mum if you can go, then. I’ll pay for the tickets and whatnot. I don’t want to leave you either.”

With an amused snort, Newt shrugged.

“We just made up but I don’t think she’ll let me fly halfway across the state,” Newt whined.

Thomas dug his nose into Newt’s hair and frowned. He kept quiet for a while.

“Well, I guess we’ll have to make the best of the last 2 days.”

"I wish you could stay here forever," Newt whispered, already feeling himself drift off to sleep. 

"Me too." 

Chapter Text

The next morning came pretty quickly, after wine-induced sleep. Last  night’s dinner consisted of delicious lasagna, red wine and chocolate cake. Thomas didn’t know Ava that well, but he did briefly know what kind of person she was through their small encounters and Newt’s descriptions. However, there was something different about her last night. Her blue eyes shone more brightly and her smile seemed more geunine and wider. Both Newt and Thomas had shared confusing glances throughout the dinner but neither questioned it. She even let him drink.

Thomas decided he liked Happy Ava more.

Henry wasn’t present for dinner and Thomas found that weird. However, Newt and Ava seemed indifferent about it and he asumed it was something normal.

Newt ended up quite tipsy, thanks to the three glasses of wine he had. Being the good boyfriend Thomas was, he helped him get into bed and cuddled him until they both fell asleep. It took a while for Newt to fall asleep since he kept talking and rambling on about the most random things.

At one point, Newt started talking about fake lettuce. Thomas had no idea what he had meant by it but went along with it, questioning what his  boyfriend liked to read up about in his free time.

Sitting up on the bed, Thomas untangled his legs from Newt’s and leaned against the headboard. The sky outside was already bright and he could hear the sound of people driving and walking about on the street below them. He reached over for his phone and switched it on, seeing numerous notifications from his instagram.

Last night, when Newt was already fast asleep and Thomas was still wide awake, he had edited the photos from Pride and uploaded them onto his Instagram. He supposed this was his way of coming out to everyone in his personal life.

The photos he posted consisted of three selfies (one of them cheesing at the screen, one of Thomas kissing Newt on the cheek and one of Newt kissing his cheek), a picture of their signs and a picture of the two of them holding hands and raising the signs. Thomas had adoringly wrote the caption as ‘the best first date I’ve ever been on. oh and this is my boyfriend. Isn’t he luvly? c: #NYPRIDE’.

Scrolling through the comments, Thomas was floored by the amount of supportive words from all his friends.

minho.choi : yessssss you’re welcome, thomas ;)

zartthefart : damn it even thomas has a boyfriend! Gotta catch up : (

jeff_jeffy : fuck yall are cute

teresaagnes : AWWWW IM SO HAPPY FOR U TOO <3

slicerwinstonz : welcome to the gay club, greenie!

frypan_siggysig : cuties! Miss u guys already

Thomas smiled, liking all the comments and thanking them. His heart fluttered with happiness. Thank God everyone was accepting. As he was about to turn off his phone and go back to sleep, the phone in his hand began vibrating. A call was coming in, the caller ID displaying ‘mom <3’.

“Hello –“ Thomas couldn’t even finish his sentence when he heard his mother squealing on the other side of the phone.

“Thomas! You have a boyfriend? Sweetie, why didn’t you tell me?” she screamed, making Thomas wince.

“I forgot to tell you,” Thomas chuckled, “I’ll explain everything when I get home.”

There was shuffling on the other line and Thomas heard his father’s deep voice. He imagined his father snatching the phone away with a mischevious grin, which was probably what he did.

“When are we gonna meet this guy, huh?” his dad asked, his voice gruff and excited.

Thomas couldn’t help but laugh at his father’s words. He explained to them that Newt was hesitant on going to California since his mother wouldn’t let him. Not only that, he also had his SATs coming up and applications for college to do. They had talked about going to California together the previous night, but even when he was drunk off his ass, Newt still felt hesitant about going.

“Honey, we should go to New York for a vacation in the summer,” he heard his mom say.

“If our schedules can squeeze it in, I don’t mind.”

“New York is really cool, we can totally come here together!” Thomas exclaimed, stretching his arms.

He felt the mattress move beside him and he peeked over his shoulder, seeing Newt come out of his slumber. Newt rubbed his eyes and grinned lazily at Thomas, crawling towards him and laying his head on Thomas’s lap. He closed his eyes again and let Thomas play with his hair.

Thomas continued the conversation with his parents, telling them what he had been up to for the past few days. His mother seemed thrilled by Thomas coming out and he could tell his father was cool with it. He was never nervous about his parents’ reaction to him coming out since he knew his parents were generally quite accepting people. That was why he loved his parents so much. Even though they spent a lot of their time at the hospital, they somehow always made time for Thomas. He was very thankful for that and sometimes secretly wished Newt had parents like them.

After about five minutes of catching up, Thomas  bade goodbye and hung up. He slid the phone under the pillow and leaned down to peck Newt on the lips. The younger boy woke up and smiled, the happiness reaching his dark eyes.

“Morning,” Thomas greeted, stroking Newt’s forehead lovely. Newt hummed in response and held onto Thomas’s other hand, resting their intertwined hands on top of his chest.

“Was that your parents?” Newt asked.

Thomas nodded, “they wanted to know when they can meet you.”

“Oh, God,” Newt whined, “even your parents want me to come to LA.”

“So, come,” he pouted, pinching the bridge of Newt’s  nose. Newt scrunched is face up and swatted Thomas’s hand away. Sitting up properly, Newt got off the bed and put on his house slippers.

“I’ll ask my mum again. No promises.”

That was the best Thomas could get out of Newt. Shrugging, Thomas stood up and began to complain about how hungry he was. As if it was on cue, the smell of eggs and bacon began flooding into the room. The two teens perked up and raced out the door, eager to get some food into their stomach.

When they reached the kitchen, both Newt and Thomas were greeted  by Henry. The ginger man was plating up the food on three different bowls.

“Morning, you two. Made you guys breakfast,” he piped up, sending them a warm smile.

“Thanks, Henry,” Thomas gratefully said as he stuffed his mouth with the hot food.

The savoury taste filled his mouth and he groaned, feeling satisfied with the taste. If Henry wasn’t a good artist, he’d make a great chef. Newt was really  blessed with parents who could cook. Once, Thomas’s mum and dad tried to bake cookies and ended up setting the oven on fire. He still had no idea how that happened but it was probably better not knowing.

Thank God they had insurance for the house.

It took them about five minutes to devour all the food, not making much conversation as they were too occupied eating. Newt was the one who ended up doing dishes, although he had to basically battle Thomas to do them.

“So, where are you two doing today?” Henry questioned, blowing and sipping on his hot coffee.

Thomas shrugged, “don’t know. Maybe visit the Empire State Building?”

“Ah, alright. Make sure to take pictures! The Empire State has great views.”

--

Newt had dug out his old Polaroid camera and spent most of his time taking artsy pictures of everything, ranging from his shoes to a random flower bush to Thomas himself. Even though Thomas poked fun at him for doing so, he had to admit the printed pictures ended up looking really cool.

They took several buses to get to the Empire State Building so they occupied their traveling time by listening to the Spotify playlist Newt had created. Sitting in the middle of crowded buses, Newt and Thomas practically ignored everybody else and sat closely with one another while sharing earphones. Ocassionally, they would lean onto each other. Sometimes, Thomas would start to sing along softly to the music, snapping his fingers to the beat and encouraging Newt to do the same. No matter how much he tried, Newt wouldn’t budge. He was pretty content with looking at Thomas make a fool out of himself.

Once they got off at the right stop, they walked towards the building and entered the lobby. It was huge, Thomas thought. The walls were covered with some kind of intricate decal and he heard Newt’s camera go off, igniting the little flash. Wandering over to a booth, they ordered their tickets and followed the lobby man at the stand by. Newt held onto Thomas’s arm, falling into step with him.

Newt and Thomas were guided into an elevator with another group of tourists. They were speaking in Chinese, Thomas recgonized. He used to live near Chinatown in DC, so the language was quite familiar to him. Looking at the screen on top, Thomas noticed the elevator was raising them 60 levels high and it wasn’t stopping. He felt his own ears get blocked slightly. Newt seemed to have the same problem as he tapped his head, trying to unblock his ears. Someone from the group of Chinese tourists instructed him to swallow hard. The middle aged lady demonstrated, allowing Newt and Thomas to follow her in suit. Thomas managed to unblock them and he sighed gratefully, keeping a note of that ‘hack’ in his head.  He thanked her in Chinese. The lady smiled and waved her hand dismissively, quickly going back to her conversation with the other ladies in the elevator.

Once it hit level 80, the doors opened, revealing an observatory. The large and tall glass pane windows covered most of the walls and a big door was open to the outdoor balcony. Newt excitedly walked outside, his hands already gripping one of the large telescopes. He took a peek into it and awed out loud.

“Tommy, look! So cool!”

Thomas chuckled, admiring how cute Newt looked geeking out about the view. He watched as Newt stood there, his eyes glued to the telescope. His golden hair was gently swaying in the wind, messing up his hair even more than it had been. Newt’s cheeks were slightly pink, which of course, Thomas found absolutely adorable. His excitement only added to that. Reminding Thomas of  a child tasting chocolate for the first time, he took out his phone and snapped a photo of Newt. The smile Newt had on his face only grew wider when he realized Thomas had taken a photo of him.

There was something Thomas realized at that point.

They never made it officical. Neither of them asked to be each other’s boyfriends and Thomas had to admit, the more he thought about it, the weirder he felt. He knew that Newt didn’t really care but Thomas wanted to hit himself for not doing a cute, romantic gesture. Something Newt could remember forever.

He took Newt’s hand and pulled him away from the telescope.

Newt was about to argue when Thomas shushed him , tugging him towards a less crowded area at the side of the balcony. With confusion, Newt asked Thomas why he had pulled him away from the telescope. He was having fun!

“I just realized I never asked you to be my boyfriend properly,” Thomas spoke.

Frowning, Newt shrugged.

“I don’t mind. It’s not a big deal.”

“No, I wanted it to be something romantic and cute you can remember forever. I kind of pictured me asking you out in front of a lake at Central Park or something, not right after we.. you know. So I wanna do this again, this time properly and with the actual right words,” he rambled, making Newt roll his eyes and wrap his arms around Thomas’s neck.

His face was dangerously close to Thomas’s and they were pretty sure other people were staring but neither of them cared. Thomas laid his hands on Newt’s waist and returned the silly smile Newt had on his face.

“Go on then, ya sap.”

“I’m getting to it,” Thomas huffed playfully, “or do you want me to get down on one knee?”

“Jesus, Tommy, don’t make people think you’re proposing to me.”

“Why not? Maybe we’ll get applause, like when Augustus Waters kissed that chick in Fault in Our Stars.”

Newt frowned again, “I hated that book.”

“I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that.”

The younger boy started to laugh, throwing his head back.

“Oh my God, can you do it already?” Newt chortled.

“Newton Issac Samuels, I like you a lot and I think you’re a pretty cool person. Will you be my damn boyfriend?” Thomas questioned sweetly, gazing into Newt’s pretty, dark eyes.

Newt hummed, leaning in so that their noses brushed against each other’s. Thomas’s heart began to race, feeling unbearable joy course through his veins.

“Yes, Thomas Cooper, I’ll be your boyfriend.”

“Great,” Thomas simply said, ducking his head to press a kiss on Newt’s lips.

Newt’s hands cradelled Thomas’s jaw and he kissed back happily, not caring that he could feel people looking at them.

This was their moment and Thomas was going to cherish it. He was going to cherish the way his mind was going crazy at the feel of Newt’s soft lips. He was going to cheirsh how Newt’s warm hands felt on his face. He was going to cherish the taste of Newt, sweet from the Coca Cola they drank together and the fruity gum he liked to munch on.

Thomas wanted to stay like this forever and deep down, he knew this would only last for another day and a half.

--

Needing a new change of clothes, Thomas and Newt headed back to Thomas’s motel. When they stepped into the tiny room, Newt immediately kicked off his shoes and jumped onto the bed. He reached for the remote and switched the television on, flipping through the channels. Thomas, on the other hand, dropped the bag of burgers and took off his shoes. After shrugging off his jacket, he joined Newt on the bed.

They didn’t cuddle this time, instead choosing to sit comfortably beside each other. Newt massaged his bad leg gently, his eyes still trained on the cartoon in front of them. Phineas and Ferb was playing on the television but Thomas tuned it out. He was thinking about the time he had left with Newt.

His plane was set to leave at 3 pm, which meant he had about 24 hours with him left. Thomas wanted to make sure he made the time spent with Newt count. But how?

Resting his head on Newt’s shoulder, he took one of Newt’s arms and held hands with him. He mindlessly began pressing kisses onto his smooth skin. Newt hummed with pleasure, leaning into Thomas. Thomas’s lips began to trail up from his arm to his neck. He heard Newt’s breath hitch and move his head so that Thomas had more access. With one swift movement, the older teen pushed Newt onto his back. Burying his head into Newt’s head, Thomas pressed his lips onto his neck, ocassionally grazing his teeth against his skin. When his lips hovered over a certain part of Newt’s neck, he felt Newt shudder underneath him.

Bingo, his sweet spot.

Thomas kissed the spot, biting it gently and swiping his tongue over the bite. The moan that came out of Newt was enough to make Thomas cave in. His breaths became more ragged as Thomas moved down, his lips brushing against Newt’s neck to his throat.

Newt’s hands flew up to Thomas’s hair and he tugged on it, elliciting a deep groan from Thomas. In response, Thomas’s hips grinded down on Newt’s crotch. With a gasp, the younger boy’s hips bucked up. Whimpering, Newt began to moan out his lover’s name.

Digging his hand under Newt’s shirt to drag his fingertips across his stomach, Thomas leaned back up and brought his lips beside Newt’s ear.

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” Thomas whispered, taking Newt’s earlobe and softly kissing it.

“Yes, Tommy, God yes yes yes,” Newt practically groaned.

With a simple nod, Thomas brought his hand out from Newt’s shirt and began unbuttoning the flannel quickly. Newt sat up slightly to take it off and clung onto Thomas’s shirt, pulling it up and throwing the shirt aside. Pushing Newt down onto the bed again, Thomas placed his lips between Newt’s pecs. He kissed his way down, leaving hickeys here and there. Leaving Newt a whimpering mess, Thomas looked at the blonde while his fingers massaged his happy trail.

“Just relax. Let me do everything,” Thomas said, his voice growing huskier by the second.

Newt was about to reply sarcastically when he felt Thomas pinch his nipples.

“O-okay,” Newt managed to choke out, feeling his body shake with pleasure as Thomas readjusted himself above him. Bringing his hips down, Thomas hissed as he felt the intense wave of pleasure run up his spine.

Thomas’s tempo started slow, relishing the noises Newt made. He could feel Newt squirm, shiver and shudder with every grind. The room started to fill with gasps, moans and groans, getting louder as Thomas picked up the pace.

Newt held onto Thomas’s biceps, gripping them tightly whenever Thomas hit a certain spot. His nails began to dig into his skin but Thomas didn’t mind. He was too busy trying not to come in his pants. Not yet, he told himself. He almost gave in when he saw how Newt’s face was scrunched up esctatically.

He suddenly stopped, earning a whine from Newt.

“Why d-did you stop?” Newt breathlessly asked, licking his lps as he tried to catch his breath.

“Do you want to do more?” Thomas questioned.

Newt looked at him ridiculously before bringing his head up to kiss Thomas on the lips. The brunet opened his mouth, slowly massaging Newt’s tongue with his. Butterflies began to erupt in his stomach for the millonth time, feeling just like when Newt first kissed Thomas. Pulling away, Newt flopped back down onto the bed and smiled at Thomas.

“If you know how to,” he said, “we don’t have to if you aren’t comfortable with it.”

“Are you kidding?” Thomas smirked, his hands already playing with the hook of Newt’s belt, “I asked you. Plus, I watch porn. I know what I’m doing.”

“Jesus Christ, Tommy.”

--

Newt laid his head on Thomas’s bare chest, holding his hand. With a satisfied smile, Thomas leaned down and pressesd a quick kiss onto Newt’s head. They had their naked bodies covered by a blanket and neither of them bothered to move, too tired to care. The sky outside grew dark, indicating that it was night time. Thomas began to think if Newt should be getting home right then.

“Are you gonna go?”

“Nah,” Newt shook his head, “too sore to even bugging move.”

An apologetic grin crosses over Thomas’s face and he rubbed Newt’s shoulder.

“Sorry ‘bout that. I’ll be gentler next time,” Thomas promised.

Something seemed to snap in Newt and he looked up, locking gazes with the boy under him.

“When do you think ‘next time’ is?” Newt wondered.

“Tomorrow morning?” Thomas cheekily said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Newt’s face flushed, immediately turning pink again.

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

Thomas sighed, snuggling closer into Newt. He played with the tips of Newt’s hair and thought carefully about what he was going to say. Convincing Newt to go to California with him was like trying to coax a fish out of water. It was impossible. So he compromised.

“I can come back here for the summer. My mum and dad want to meet you and they told me they wouldn’t mind visiting New York. Probably another month or so but we’ve survived longer without seeing each other,” Thomas explained.

Newt nodded but kept quiet, choosing to stare at the window beside them. Since his was pressed against Thomas’s side, Thomas could feel Newt’s heart beat quickly. Something wet touched his chest and he frowned, looking down properly at Newt.

He was tearing up.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”

Sitting up, Thomas collected Newt into his arms and hugged him. He let Newt quietly cry as he comfortingly ran his hand through Neewt’s hair. Newt desperately curled into Thomas, trying to repress his sobs.

“I don’t want you to leave,” Newt quietly cried.

Thomas closed his eyes and could feel his heart break into a million pieces.

“I’m still here now. It’s okay, we can enjoy the last few hours together. If we can get through a year and a half without being with each other in real life, we can wait another month or a few weeks. We’ll be alright, we will be.”

“Okay, okay,” Newt calmed down, breathing in and out deeply, "sorry for freaking out."

“It's alright, I get it. We’ll be fine. Now come on, let’s change these sheets. They’re gross.”

Chapter Text

The two teens spent the night eating and watching movies, accompanied with sweet kisses and cuddles. Thomas decided that he wouldn’t speak about leaving anymore until the next morning. He quite enjoyed just relaxing with Newt and cherishing the little time he had left. They ended up falling asleep on the motel bed, Newt not caring that his mother was basically begging him to come back home.

He simply sent a text that said, “hes literally leaving tomorrow. Please let me spend some time with him before he leaves.”

Not even bothering to see what his mum would say, Newt hid his phone deep into his bag.

“Tonight is for you and I,” Newt sweetly said, leaning in to kiss Thomas on the nose.

Thomas couldn’t bring himself to disagree, although worry did plague him the whole night. What would be Ava’s impression of him now? Would she be mad at Thomas for keeping Newt away from home, where he wasn’t safe?

However, Newt did his best to reassure him. They laid comfortably with one another as the hours passed, the music on Thomas’s laptop lulling them both to sleep. The younger boy was wrapped up in one of Thomas’s shirt. This one was a big UCLA t-shirt, it was literally a size too big. It hung off his body losely and revealed Newt’s shoulder due to the neckline being too wide.

Thomas wasn’t going to lie, he found it quite sexy.

9 am came pretty quickly, the noise from the hallway outside waking the both of them up. Soundlessly, Thomas got up and got ready. He moved about the room quietly, trying not to wake up Newt as he went in and out of sleep. Forcing all of his things back into his suitcase, Thomas ended up sitting on the suitcase to close it shut. He took a peek at his boyfriend and saw him dozing off again.

Thomas crawled towards the bag Newt always carried and opened it, throwing in three of his shirts into it. Those would be a special present for him when he opened his bag again. As he was about to shut it, he spotted a gift-wrapped box. He frowned, pulling it out and reading the card stuck on it.

‘For Tommy, thank you for everything. Yours, Newt.’

“Oh shit,” Thomas breathed out, sneaking a glance at Newt to see if he was awake.

Thankfully, he wasn’t so Thomas quickly pushed the gift back into his bag. He began sweating, his hands growing cold. He hadn’t gotten anything for Newt! Was he supposed to give him something?

Panicking, Thomas stood up and snatched his phone from the night stand. He began looking for gift shops nearby. He ran a list through his head, picking what he thought Newt would like. Thomas remembered Newt taking a lot of pictures of flowers. He wasn’t sure what his favourite flowers were, but he was sure Newt would like them anyways.

He’ll love anything artsy.

Thomas googled for the nearest florist and found one that was just down the street. He took a piece of paper from the motel-provided post it notes, scribbling down that he’d be away for a hot second in his messy handwriting. Grabbing his jacket, Thomas stumbled into his shoes and raced out of the room.

Even forgetting to bring his key to the room with him as the door locked with a loud ‘click’.

New York was already alive, surprising Thomas. It was a Sunday morning, which most people used to sleep in and have brunches with their friends. People were walking briskly everywhere, looking like they all had important places to be. Thomas had gotten used to the usual bustle, squeezing his way through the busy street.

He spotted the florist a few feet away and picked up his pace. Pushing open the door, the bell above his head rang and he was greeted by an old lady.

“Hello, sir, how may I help you?”

Thomas nervously looked at all the flowers. Which ones would Newt like?

“I want to give flowers to my boyfriend,” Thomas started, waiting to see what the old lady’s reaction would be.

When he was met with an expectant look, he continued.

“I don’t know which to give him though. Of course, I know he likes flowers. Just don’t know which kind.”

“Well,” the old lady’s nametag read ‘Esther’, “you can get flowers with meaning. Some types of flowers have different messages.”

Thomas sighed with relief, “that sounds cool. Could I get a few different kinds in one boquet?”

Esther nodded, giving Thomas a warm smile. She dug through her shelf and brought a  binder, opening it and gesturing for Thomas to come closer. The pages were filled with colourful flowers, each shade of colour signifying something different. Thomas read the descriptions for a few minutes before finally deciding on which he wanted. He picked five different types, so he had two of each kind.

A bunch of daisies were placed in between pink lilies, blood red roses, light pink tulips and pale blue hydrengeas. The boquet was tied up with a sheet of white paper and a purple ribbon. As Esther worked on perfecting the boquet, Thomas took a walk around the shop. Not only was it a shop that sold flowers, they also sold little gift cards and presents. There were some New York centric keychains but Thomas’s eyes zeroed in on a pair of necklaces. He picked it up, admiring the moon and sun pendant. Newt would love these, Thomas thought to himself. Picking it up, he brought it to the counter to make payments.

“What is the ocassion? Birthday? Anniversary?” Esther asked as she punched the buttons on the register.

“A goodbye gift. I’m leaving for college, so we won’t see each other for another few weeks or so,” Thomas sadly smiled, handing her the money.

“Oh, dear, I’m sorry. What is his name?”

“Newt.”

“Like the amphibian?”

Thomas snorted, “yup.”

“I guess that’s cute. Do you want this gift wrapped?”

--

“What is this? Christmas?” Newt joked, gaping at the food Thomas had bought and the flowers on the bed.

Newt shook his head and tossed the towel he was using aside. When Thomas got back from his little trip, he noticed that Newt was missing from the bed and that the shower in his room was on. He spent a good five minutes getting everything prepped, from laying out the cakes and pastries he bought for breakfast to the flowers to the gift wrapped necklaces to the cute puppy plushie he saw at one of the gift shops.

Turning to Thomas with a cute smile, Newt hooked an arm around his shoulder and leaned up to kiss him on the cheek.

“You’re so extra,” he giggled, already investigating the food on the table and the flowers.

“Romantic is the word I’d prefer,” Thomas smart-mouthed, “do you like them though?”

“Of course,” Newt replied without a beat, holding the flowers up to his own nose to sniff the scent, “thank you. You really didn’t have to.”

He put down the flowers and picked up the gift, asking Thomas if it was okay to unwrap it. When he got the confirmation, Newt excitedly ripped out the wrapping paper. His eyes lit up when he saw the box of necklaces.

“Tommy,” he awed, opening the box.

Thomas stepped forward, taking the necklace with the shiny silver moon pendant on it and unhooking it. He moved behind Newt and placed it around his neck, closing the lock. Holding the pendant tentatively, Newt began to chuckle.

“Makes sense, I’m like the moody moon. You’re the bright, joyful sun,” Newt laughed, “thank you, I love it. It’s really cheesy and corny but God, I love it.”

Grinning the widest he had ever smiled, Thomas let Newt put on the other necklace on for him. There was something so sweet and romantic with that moment and it made his heart flutter. The look of pure happiness on Newt’s face was enough to keep Thomas going forever.

They stood in the middle of the room, just staring dumbly at each other with giddy smiles on their faces. Newt’s hands gripped Thomas’s arms and he tiptoed, pressing his lips against his boyfriend’s. The kiss started sweet and slow as Thomas gently held Newt’s face in his palms. With one innocent swipe of the tongue, Thomas felt himself cave into Newt. He felt Newt’s hands go down his arms and up his waist. With a push, the brunet started to back up and fall down onto the bed.

Newt hovered above him, kicking Thomas’s legs so that he could place himself in between his legs. The kisses were starting to get more frantic as Thomas’s hands itched to touch Newt everywhere. His breath smelt like toothpaste and Newt tasted like a refreshing and blinding mint, it made Thomas shudder. Placing his hands on the end of Newt’s t-shirt, he pulled away and silently asked for permission.

Readjusting his position on Thomas, Newt moved himself so that he was straddling Thomas. When Newt tugged his shirt over his head, it made the older teen groan. Looking down at him innocently, Newt quirked an eyebrow, a slight smirk crawling onto his face.

“What?” he whispered, leaning down to trail kisses down Thomas’s neck.

Thomas felt as if his heart was ready to burst out of his chest. The amount of pleasure he was feeling from Newt’s slight movement on his crotch was driving him over the edge.

“You keep moving and,” Thomas couldn’t even finish his sentence when he felt Newt leave a hickey below his earlobe.

“Oh, you mean this?” he rocked his hips again, eliciting a pretty embarrassing moan from Thomas.

Sitting back up, Newt held Thomas’s hands and forced them down beside his head. The grip on his hands were too tight and Thomas knew he didn’t want him to move or do anything. Newt’s eyes had turned darker than usual, something unsually wicked in the glint of his eyes. Thomas had only seen that look once before and that was during the previous night. He knew where this was headed.

“A-are you sure,” Thomas’s breath hitched when Newt grinded onto him again, “ah, you wanna do this? T-thought you were s-sore.”

Newt shrugged and stopped moving for a few seconds, freezing in his position.

“Do you want me to stop?” Newt questioned, his head tilting to the side.

“Hell no,” Thomas practically whined as he squeezed Newt’s hands.

“Then shut up,” the blonde simply said, continuing his attack on Thomas’s neck.

Good lord, this boy is going to be the death of me.

--

Leaving the motel made Thomas feel even more emotional. It really was the sign that he was actually leaving New York and Newt. Although he had commitments and jobs to get back to in LA, all he wanted to do was rip the plane ticket up and spend the next few weeks with Newt instead. Instead, here he was, sitting in the cab on the way to the airport.

Newt sat beside him, his hand playing with Thomas’s fingers. He was quiet and the silence was shared. Thomas didn’t mind. After they left the motel room, Thomas knew talking to Newt about leaving would just make him cry.

Leaning his head on top of Newt’s shoulders, he snuggled into the younger boy. The music from the radio filled their silence. Thomas didn’t know what song was playing but he listened to it anyways, tapping his fingers to the  beat of the song.

It only took them half an hour to reach the airport. Paying the taxi driver, Thomas got out and hauled his suitcase out of the trunk. They watched the taxi driver go, silently holding hands.

Thomas broke the silence first, “I’m gonna go check in first. You wanna come with me or wait somewhere?”

“I’ll come with,” Newt simply said, tightening his grip on Thomas’s hand.

Nodding, the two made their way into the airport. With every step towards the check-in counter, Thomas’s heart sank deeper and deeper. This was really the reality of his life. Leaving his boyfriend when he just got him?

They waited in line together as Newt busied himself with his phone. He scrolled through Instagram, liking random pictures with Thomas watching him over his shoulder. Coming across a cute video of a puppy barking at it’s own reflection, Thomas started to chuckle at how ridiculous the puppy looked. It had raised his spirits slightly, as animal videos always did for people. However, Newt remained quiet. Thomas didn’t want to probe him and just hugged Newt from the behind, snaking his arms around his skinny chest.

When it got to Thomas’s turn, he let go of Thomas and did his business with checking in. Newt had drifted away, walking towards a sign of rules and stood there, analyzing everything around him. From his spot at the counter, Thomas continuously checked up on Newt to see if he was okay. He could see Newt’s eyes start to water as he kept wiping his eyes with sleeve of Thomas’s hoodie.

Thomas’s jiggled his leg up and down impatiently, wishing the lady at the counter would hurry up. The moment she handed him back his passport and his plane ticket, Thomas picked up his duffel bag and jogged to where Newt was standing.

Newt tried to smile, but Thomas knew way too well. He stepped forward and enveloped him in a bear hug, not caring that people were staring. Nothing mattered more than Newt in that moment. Resting his chin on top of Newt’s head, he closed his eyes as he felt his own tears threaten to spill.

“I promised I wouldn’t cry,” Newt mumbled, “sorry.”

“You’re making me cry too, you dick,” Thomas teased, ruffling up Newt’s hair.

He broke apart from the hug and swatted at Thomas’s chest, a tiny smile replacing the frown. With a satisified grin, Thomas reached his hands up and wiped at Newt’s stray tears. Newt took his hand in his and kissed his knuckles.

“We have an hour left before you go in,” he mentioned, “do you want to go eat or just sit around and wait?”

“Didn’t we just eat like ten thousand cakes and pastries?” Thomas asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m a growing teenager, I’m always hungry,” Newt shrugged.

So they compromised. They bough a few donuts and some iced coffee, choosing to sit on the floor beside the departure gate. Newt had dug out his phone from his bag and plug in his earphones, sharing them with Thomas as they listened to the playlist one last time together. Even though Newt was stuffing his face with the pink-glazed donuts, Thomas couldn’t seem to stomach anything. He was too nervous and sad to eat anything. He chose to sip on his coffee, leaning his entire body onto Newt.

They mindlessly talked about random things, like pointing out passerbys and criticizing airplane food. Time began to fly by quickly. Thomas decided that there was only one thing he hated more than garlic, and that was time. It gave their relationship a limit they didn’t deserve. Thomas also decided he’d rather spend five minutes with Newt than spend an entire lifetime without him.

When the clock struck two, Thomas slowly stood up and helped Newt up to his feet. Picking up his bags, they discarded their trash before walking towards the gate. Newt held onto his hand for dear life and didn’t let go.

Thomas stood in front of Newt, his hands holding both of Newt’s and a sad smile on his face.

“The moment I reach LA, I’m gonna call you.”

“Okay.”

“We’ll text everyday. I’ll call you, facetime you, skype with you, whatever it is. I’ll talk to you everyday,” Thomas promised.

“I know.”

“I’m gonna visit you again in the summer,” he said, feeling his heart sting when he saw Newt start to cry again.

Newt sadly grinned, tip toeing to pull his boyfriend into one last hug. Closing his eyes, Thomas buried his face into Newt’s shoulder and desperately tried to breathe in his scent again.  The blonde smelled like cheap cologne and cinnamon, thanks to the hotel  body wash. Thomas rubbed Newt’s back and kissed his head. When he let go, he watched Newt quickly dig through his bag. He pulled out the gift wrapped box, holding it out for Thomas.

“Open it when you’re in LA,” Newt instructed. He looked over Thomas’s shoulder and sighed, his shoulders slumping.

“You probably should go before the line to the gate gets too long,” Newt whispered.

Tucking the box into his duffel bag, Thomas took his time to zip it up and hoist it back onto his shoulder. He looked at Newt, his hands craddling his face gently.

“Thank you,” Thomas began to choke up, “for everything.”

Newt placed his own  hands on top of Thomas’s, nodding feverently.

“Come back soon,” he weakly smiled, standing on the tip of his toes as he pressed one last kiss onto Thomas’s soft lips.

Looking down at his feet, Thomas let go of Newt and backed away slowly. He knew he couldn’t bear to look at him as he walked away, keeping his head down and wiping the side of his eyes. He didn’t want to cry, because if he did, Newt would start crying even more and he couldn’t comfort him.

Once the officer checked his passport and let him into the gate, Thomas turned around. He spotted Newt in the midst of the crowd. Newt had stopped crying at this point, choosing to smile and wave at Thomas when they caught gazes. Thomas raised his hand, waved and yelled, “see you soon!” at the top of his lungs. He watched Newt laugh, imprinting the melodious sound in his head. Sending him one last smile, Thomas willed himself to turn around and walk away.

--

Numb. That is how Newt felt as he unlocked the door to his house. Tossing the keys to a random place, he flopped down onto the sofa. He noticed his father was sitting on it too as Henry watched the television. Alas, his attention was divided and he looked at his son with pity.

“He flew off already?” Henry gently asked.

Newt nodded, “just ten minutes ago.”

Henry hummed, turning off the TV and averting all his attention to his son.

“You okay?”

When Newt didn’t reply, Henry reached a hand out and rubbed Newt’s shoulder comfortingly.

“I’m sorry, sonny.”

“Right now, you may not want to feel anything. Maybe you’ll never want to feel anything like this again. But feel something, you did, right? From how I saw the both of you act towards one another at dinner or even passing through, I can tell the two of you have something beautiful. And I envy you. In my place, most parents would want this whole thing to go away. But I am not like most parents. Both your mum and I think this relationship you have with Thomas isn’t something we have a say in. Just remember, we rip out so much of ourselves to be cured faster of things that we go bankrupt by the age of forty and have nothing more to offer each time we start with someone new. But to make yourself feel nothing, so as not to feel anything – what a waste!”

Newt could feel himself start to cry again. He thought that he had cried enough on the way home, that his body was already empty of tears. Then again, the pain and hurt Newt was feeling was enough to summon up tears again. His heart begins to ache and it sends a wave of pain through his body and into his head.

“Right now, there is sorrow, hurt, probably anger. Don’t kill it. And with it, the joy you felt. It will help you as time passes by and soon, you’ll find yourself with him again. And in the tragic case that this doesn’t work out, which I’m sure with the technology today, it’ll be fine, but if so ; remember that our bodies and hearts are only given to us once. Alright?” Henry ended his speech with an encouraging smile.

Nodding, Newt patted his father’s hand and Henry let him hold onto his hand. Newt felt like a little kid again. Tears rolled down his cheek when his father enveloped him in a hug, holding Newt as he began to sob quietly.

“Love hurts like a bitch, I know. But it fills you up with so much hope and life. It’s a feeling I want you to feel for the rest of your life on this earth and you deserve it. If you feel this with Thomas, then all this pain and sorrow will be worth it in the end. You get me, kiddo?”

“Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Dad,” Newt sniffled, breaking apart from the hug and settling himself down on the other side of the sofa.

The two of them sat there as Newt tried to gain his own calm back. When he got his breathing back to normal, he started to ask the question he’d been begging to ask since Ava’s weird mood change.

“Did something happen between you and Mum?”

Henry’s face hardened and he sighed. Leaning over towards the coffee table, he swiped up the packet of cigarettes and pulled one out. Newt watched as he lit up the smoke, holding it up to his lips and taking a large puff of it.

As he exhaled, Henry cleared his throat.

“Do you remember Aunt Jade?”

Newt raised an eyebrow, “the Asian lady who used to always come over and give me brownies? She’s Mum’s friend right?”

“Yeah, they used to be really good friends. Best friends since college, actually. They used to keep in contact everyday until your Mum lost her phone years ago. I never saved her number and your Mum never wrote it down anywhere so they kind of just stopped talking. Then, the press conference thing happened in Chicago a few days ago, right? Somehow, they bumped into each other. Started talking again and exhanged numbers. Next thing she knew, your mum started telling Jade all her problems. Mostly about you. Jade starts giving her advice, talks to your mum and suddenly, poof. Your mum  wakes up and she realises she’s been doing things wrong round here,” Henry huffed, taking another long drag from the cigarette.

“Oh,” Newt dumbly said, frowning a little, “all it took was just a good old chat with her best friend and suddenly, she’s changed her view on stuff?”

Henry raised his cigarette, “Jade always meant something more to Ava.”

It hit Newt then. His eyes widened and he looked at his father alarmingly.

“You don’t think – “

“Turns out, you can’t help you love. Even after years of not being with someone, you can still find a place in your heart to love them.”

He finally understood. That’s what Ava had meant when she said she knew how Newt felt. Newt wanted to punch himself in the face. Of course, she knew how it felt. She’s exactly the same as him.

“She isn’t cheating on you though?” Newt carefully asked.

A snort escaped Henry and he shrugged.

“I don’t know. Maybe she is. They used to be a thing years ago, but your mum’s parents were too conservative to allow it. You’re lucky your mum and I aren’t like Granny and Poppy.”

Newt could feel bile rise to his throat. He shifted in his seat, trying to elicit an honest response from his father.

“Did Mum ever love you, then?”

“Never the same way I did.”

His father had used the word did.

Did.

Newt gulped, “did you guys ever consider a divorce?”

“Honestly?” his son nodded, “many times. There was always something in the way.”

Me. I was always in the way. Newt felt sick at the thought. He had been in the way of his parent’s happiness. It hurt him that they only stayed together for Newt. None of the love he thought his parents shared was real, or at least mutual. What if this was the reason why Ava was so miserable all the time? Because she was in love with someone else, not his father?

Now he could remember it. He recalled how his mother got more sadder and practically angsty seven years ago. It was roughly the same tim she lost her cell phone. The whole thing was coming together now.

“I’m eighteen in a few months,” Newt started, “by then, I’ll be off in college and maybe then you and Mum can go get the divorce done.”

Henry made a choking noise, “you want us to get a divorce?”

“Course. It’s always been miserable here. Let’s face it Dad, you’re always unhappy and so is Mum. You said it yourself, you loved Mum. You don’t love her anymore. So why would you continue to live in a lie?” Newt went off, trying desperately for his father to get his point.

“It’s much more complicated than that, you know,” Henry pointed out.

“Look, you can go to Mum and talk about it again. I’m just throwing this out there ; I don’t mind. I’m gonna be legal soon so you guys don’t even have to worry about that. I’ve been in the way of your happiness for years so this is the least I can do.”

With an unimpressed frown, Henry glared at his son.

“You were never the source for our unhappiness. Don’t ever say that. You got in the way, sure, but you are never the reason. You’re the best thing that’s happened to your Mum and I, nothing will change that. You get me?”

Newt took a deep breath. He tried to let the words sink in and convince him otherwise. Shaking his head, Newt dismissively waved his hand and begged for his father to consider it.

“Okay. I’ll talk about it with your mum again. Go play a video game. Or paint. Let me think about it.”

--

 Thomas held the gift in his hands. He held his fingers above the card, tracing over Newt’s neat handwriting. He loved the way Newt wrote. Sometimes, he wished Newt would write his college notes. It was so neat and organized, much like Newt.

He contemplated opening the gift. Should he wait to land? Impatience gnawed at him and he bit his lip, wondering what to do.

For once, he decided to ignore what Newt said and he instantly ripped open the gift. He kept the card away and tore at the paper. A framed picture greeted him. However, it wasn’t just a picture. It was a drawing. A drawing of Thomas.

Thomas had his head to the side, showing off the scenery behind him. Every detail of his face was done with perfection and even his hair was on point. This was the drawing from the Statue of Liberty. He remembered Newt working on it throughout the entire week.

He was about to put it down when he saw something written on the silver frame.

‘turn it to the back’.

Turning the frame around, he spotted something tiny written with white ink on the black board of the frame. He squinted, putting the frame closer to his face.

‘I think I could love you.’

For the third time that day, Thomas burst into tears. This time, happy ones. He felt like his heart and head was going to burst.

I think I could love you.

I think I could love you.

I think I could love you.

Thomas repeated this phrase over and over in his head, even as he boarded off the plane. Even through customs. Even when he was retrieving his bag.

I think I could love you.

The second  he stepped foot onto the arrival gate, he fished his phone out from his pocket and switched it on. He begged for his phone to hurry up and switch on as the loading screen waited. Once the phone was fully switched on and ready, Thomas shakily dialed Newt’s number. It was on speed dial anyways, right behind his mum and dad’s numbers.

I think I could love you.

He waited for Newt to pick up, three rings before he heard his boyfriend’s voice again.

“Tommy?”

“I think I could love you too.”

Through the line, Thomas could feel Newt’s smile.