Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

year 1

Dear Kim Taehyung,

Who's that guy, wearing the red baggy pants and loafers?

I remembered asking a friend, was it Yugyeom? Or Mingyu, perhaps? Anyway, that doesn’t matter now, does it? But I do remember watching the said guy, whose smile is a thousand brighter than the sun, whose voice is as melodious as the waves that crash beyond the sea. He was beautiful. Still beautiful. I remembered watching him with wide eyes, my lips parting and heart fluttering. My friend, that I wasn’t sure which one, laughed at me and smacked my head and asked, amusement in his eyes, “Already whipped?” To say I was a little flustered is an understatement, because I sure hell am fucking flustered.

But it doesn’t matter. With heart beating so fast, hands trembling and cheeks burning, I watched the guy’s retreating figure, the back of his head facing me and I swear to all gods and deities, that was the most beautiful nape I have ever seen.

(“Are you fucking serious right now,”
Jeongguk had the audacity to look sheepish. “Unfortunately I am, Tae.”)

The next time I saw the guy, was when I went to a coffee shop near the campus. It was lunch time, so naturally, the cafe was full of people. I’m not fond of crowds (and I'm sure that by this time, you already know that) so with the little will power left in my system, I still proceeded to walk inside and ordered myself some iced americano and cinnamon bun. There were no vacant seats left, and I didn’t want to go back to the counter and get my orders packed to take out. My eyes scanned the place, and my gaze stopped after seeing the familiar colour of ash-grey hair. Upon seeing him, my heart started to beat faster, and curse my feet for suddenly moving on its own.


The seat in front of him was empty, the guy focused on whatever he was doing on his laptop while sipping on a hot chocolate. He looked adorable that day, I remembered. He was wearing these adorable prescription glasses that slips on his perfect nose.


And with every courage left in my body, I cleared my throat and said, “Excuse me?”


I remembered my breath hitching as soon as the guy looked up from his laptop, brown orbs wide with lips slightly pouting. He looked adorable. Still adorable. And maybe I’m kinda gay. Okay fuck that, I’m a whole lot gay.


“Yes?” He asked, and god, did my heart jump out of my chest. I remembered how smooth and deep your voice was, it was beautiful. Always so beautiful.


I was sure I stuttered, my brain suddenly malfunctioning, and my tongue tying. However, the guy only looked at me with those mesmerizing eyes, his lips curling to a small smile. “Yes,” He said, sitting up straight and pushing his adorable (I loved them, Tae) glasses up his nose. “You can sit there.” And then he gave me a wide smile.

Oh how lovely his unique smile is. It’s perfect, just like him.

I thanked him, setting my tray carefully down on the table, with him pulling his laptop closer to him. I was sure that my heart was still beating fast that has me biting my inner cheeks. I looked at him and I probably choked when I realized he’s still looking at me with a smile. “I’m Taehyung.” He said.


Taehyung. Taehyung. Taehyung. I had probably repeated the word over and over my mind for hundreds of times. What a beautiful name for a beautiful human.


I heaved a deep breath and smiled, and I hoped it didn’t come out as a grimace. “Nice to meet you Jeongguk, I’m Taehyung.” I said, patting myself on the back mentally for not stuttering. However, I heard him gasp, and then he’s softly laughing. And then I just realized what I have said.


I’m stupid. I know. I really am. Still am. I kinda cry every time Jimin hyung reminds me of that fact. (I know he’s only joking but I have still accepted the truth)


“I mean!” I remembered yelling, startling few of the customers near us. Taehyung chuckled, and I swore that’s the fucking cutest laugh I have heard. “I’m Jeongguk. I’m sorry, I’m awkward and stupid.” I rambled, and I managed to prevent myself for slapping my face in frustration. Although I did run my hands through my face.


“It’s fine,” He said. Smile too beautiful.


We talked about random things, from me learning that he actually does not like coffee and everything bitter. He’s a year older, a theater major, who plays saxophone and is actually good at singing. He’s adorable, really. We spent two hours of talking, your eyes sparkling with interest after knowing that I was a freshman and a music major who minored in dancing. He said he’s always had this great respect for music majors because he likes music and two of his close friends produce music. He also mentioned about having two other friends, his best friends as what he had dubbed, who are dance majors and are in the university’s dance troupe, telling me to join them.


I actually did, the next day. I’ve learned the name of Taehyung’s best friends. Jimin and Hoseok. They’re great hyungs, and are amazing dancers.


We got to exchange numbers before he left, and I have never been happy ever since I started college.


Taehyung is an amazing person. Always enthusiastic, and is easily excited over the simplest things. And that is probably what makes him special. He gets excited over cute animals, babies, flowers, and even calling him by a nickname earned me a slap on the back and a wide grin. (I just called him “Tae”)


I remembered walking with him around campus once, it was winter, there were snow everywhere. It was cold. I learned that he get easily cold, even from the wind from autumn makes you shiver. It was adorable. Still adorable. He was wearing a red scarf, it was wrapped around his neck and he was wearing a thick, padded jacket and a bright, pink beanie over his head. He told me the scarf was a gift from Jimin for his 19th birthday, and the pink beanie was a gift from Namjoon hyung, that one music major hyung he had told me about.


His ears were peeking out of his beanie, red from the cold weather. His nose was red too, and he was sniffling nonstop. I laughed at that, because I was supposed to be the one sniffling. He just pouted, murmured something in the lines of “... you’re big and buff so therefore you’re immune to cold.” I chuckled. I’m not immune to cold. I was shivering too, but not as much as him. So I did what my mind told (screamed, actually) me to do: scoot closer to him and wrap my arm around his shoulder and pull him closer. I was sure I heard a gasp, but I did not dwell on it much. He gave out a soft sigh and he shuffled closer, mushing our bodies together to warmth.


“You’re a human furnace.” He mumbled. (Taehyung had been telling me that for two consecutive years now)



I laughed and shook my head in amusement. We continued walking and then he started humming a song that I’m not familiar with. I asked him what song it was and he told me it’s an English song and had heard it from Namjoon hyung. I smiled and nodded, although I didn’t understand any of the words he have sung, his voice was soothing. Always soothing.


(The song was called Nothing Like Us, and I may or may have studied the whole song and recorded a cover and gave it to Taehyung for his birthday this year.)


It was when we passed by an old, huge tree by the campus grounds that we stopped. I remembered hearing soft whimpers coming from a cat. Taehyung gasped, pulling off from my arms and immediately scrambling off to find the kitten. It was endearing, watching him crouch down the snow and hearing him hiss at the cold. His voice was soft, gentle, calling for the kitten. I decided to walk around the tree, roamed my eyes around and listened carefully. And there, at the bottom of the tree near its roots, covered in snow, I saw a small kitten. Taehyung was immediately beside me, cooing at the kitten and carefully reaching out to grab it. The small feline meowed, albeit a little pitiful. It was shivering, and Taehyung gasped softly, wrapping both of his arms around the feline and rubbed his large hand on the kitten’s head.


The kitten was coloured white. White as the snow where we found him. With hurried but careful steps, we headed towards the dorm building. Although it was strictly prohibited to keep pets, Taehyung didn’t care. I remembered fumbling a little when I was searching for the right key to open his unit, but thankfully when we stepped inside, Jimin had turned on the heater. Said male was in the living room as we stumble, greeting his best friend with a wide smile. His eyes darted towards me and gave me a knowing look. I ignored him.


Jimin gasped, and then proceeded to scold Taehyung for bringing an animal into their room, and then that’s the time I knew I had to step in. By looking at Taehyung’s dejected eyes as he continue to tend to the shivering feline, I placed a hand on Jimin’s shoulder. “Hey, don’t be mad at him.” Jimin looked at me and raised an eyebrow, “I’m not mad, Jeongguk. I’m just saying that the landlady might get angry at us for bringing an animal inside.” I nodded in understanding, “I know, but we can’t just leave the kitten out on the cold like that.” I explained.


In the end, Jimin just sighed and gave us a nod. I watched Taehyung’s eyes lit up, pout turning to a smile. It was a beautiful sight. Will always be beautiful.


Taehyung kept the kitten. And the landlady found out. However, with Taehyung’s pout and puppy eyes, the lady only sighed and gave him a pat on the head. She told Taehyung to just make sure to always clean its mess and make sure to take a good care of the feline. The smile you gave me that time was blinding; in par with the sun. It gave my stomach butterflies and it gave me warmth even though it’s freezing cold.


He named the kitten Snowball.

So Tae, do you remember? Do you remember these moments that we had? I don’t know how I did, but it doesn’t matter now, does it? All what matters is I want you to know that I cherished those small moments with you. From the day I first saw you, from the day we first met, from the day we first hanged out, from the day you got Snowball, up to the day we are now.


My friends (I have like, three other friends besides our gang, be proud of me) have always said that I’m a sap. Cheesy. More whipped than a whipped cream. And I wholeheartedly agree to that statement. I’ve always been the type of person to be sentimental with a lot of things. I’m sure you know that by now, right? I remember you squishing my cheeks that one time the first time you went over to my dorm room (which I get to have alone, ha, sucks on you) and saw at least six picture frames on my desk and wall. I explained how hard it is for me to be away from my family so I had to carry at least photos of them with me. You cooed, smiled at me and told me how amazing I was for loving my family so much.


And I was sure that that day was the time I finally realized why I always feel warm when you’re with me. That day I realized why my heart beat faster whenever you’re near, whenever you wrap yourself around me, whenever you hold my hand to play with the rings on my fingers.


It’s funny. And stupid, actually. Jimin had always told me that I’m whipped (I’ve heard that statement from different people within a year that made me laugh). He had always teased me whenever he catches me staring at you. Had always told me how obvious I am, and he even told me that it’s pitiful. I haven’t known what he was saying that time. I’m stupid, he said.


But that moment, when you started talking about how you misses home, too, how you missed the fresh air of Daegu, how you missed helping your grandparents out in the farm, how you missed playing with your dog, Soonshim, that moment. That moment made me realize what has been Jimin hyung and the other hyungs have been telling me. Have been showing me for the past year.


I liked you. Like you, still.


I don’t know what gave me the idea of writing this letter, actually. It just dawned to me how much I like you—love you. You know how difficult it is for me to express myself so let me show you how much I appreciate you, how lucky I am to have you as my best friend, how happy I am to know you.


In our generation, I know handwritten letters are probably stupid for some, but I still think it’s more meaningful. I’m writing this in the library with you sitting across me, red glasses perched on your nose. You look so cute, by the way. And by the time this letter arrived to you, and by the time you’re reading this part, I hope I’ve already had the guts to tell you how much I like you. If you’re reading this after we had a fight and decided to never associate with each other again, please know that I have liked you. As a friend and as a potential partner. And that I’ll always care for you, no matter what. That by the time I'm writing this to you, I've already had one thing in mind.


If you have read everything up to this point, please do know that I’m happy. I’m happy to know that you had found the time to actually read and learn my feelings for you. I want you to be always happy, Kim Taehyung. I love you. I hope I've already man up by the time this letter reached you. If not, please do kick me in the ass.

Truly yours,
Jeon Jeongguk

Chapter Text

year 1

Dear Kim Taehyung,

I know. This is the second letter I have sent to you. I started writing this letter after five months of us dating.

The first letter i wrote and sent to you arrived a day after we started dating and I didn’t actually expect you to cry and hit me multiple times (and then hit me again because I laughed and said that it tickled me). Yoongi hyung was there, sipping on his espresso (seriously how does he enjoy that? It’s like satan’s spit) and watching us with eyes dancing with amusement. You continued to cry, and I held you in my arms. I shushed you with a chuckle and you only gripped my shirt tighter. Jimin came back with a baguette, and upon seeing you bawl your eyes out, he smacked me with the bread. It wasn’t painful but it sure surprised me. I didn’t know there would come a time I’d be hit with a fucking long bread. Yoongi hyung only snorted. That bitch. (Please don’t let him see this, I’m begging)

(“Too bad Jeon, I’ve already seen it.”

Jeongguk swallowed and gave out a small, nervous smile. “Hi hyung, I’ll treat you to lamb skewers?”)

Jimin’s always been so protective of you, it’s cute and funny. But being beaten with a baguette is even funnier and instead of telling him to stop, I actually let him smack me with that obnoxiously long bread until it got cut off to pieces. Yoongi hyung grabbed the opportunity to get some of the pieces of bread and ate it while drinking satan’s spit. Why did Jimin buy a baguette, again?


So I explained everything. To why you’re crying. And Jimin gaped at me and sighed, even rubbed his temples. “And then I was asking myself if Jeongguk could get any more whipped than he is? I guess he can.” He said. It made you laugh, it’s quiet and adorable. Your nose was clogged and your eyes are red, swollen from crying. I smiled, reaching up to gently cradle your face with my palms and wipe the tears that were left on your eyes. You’ve always been so soft and adorable. No wonder why everybody loves you.


Snowball hissed and clawed on my thigh, you laughed and grabbed the cat and cradled him between your arms. “It’s okay, Snowball, these are happy tears.” You murmured on his fur and I swear, I just fell in love again.


After the first month of dating you, I came to a conclusion that I’m sure you’re the person I would want to spend the rest of my life with. Oh how lucky am I to have you, how amazing my life has become the moment you stepped on my life. It’s crazy. How much my heart yearn for you, how much my heart longed for you. Am I being stupid? Yeah, I’m being stupid aren’t I? But could you blame me? I have Kim Taehyung, a perfect human being in my arms, who I get to kiss whenever I can and hold hands with whenever I want to. It’s a foreign feeling. It was my first time to feel this strong emotion towards a person and I don’t regret it.


Three months of dating, and I’ve never been so happy. I’ve told my mother a lot about you and about us and I swear, she’s never been this enthusiastic about anyone that I’ve dated before. Sure, I may have brought two exes before but mom probably knew that they weren’t exactly for me and may knew that I wasn’t serious about commitments back then. I’ve told her about how amazing you are, how wonderful you are. I’ve gone about two, or was it three? hours of talking about you and by the time I finished, my mom just laughed at me. It was the kind of laugh that mothers give to her children whenever they feel proud and endeared. It was that laugh.


“You love him so much, don’t you?” She asked.


I laughed, a little breathless because I just realized it too. “Yeah. Very much.”


It was then that mom asked me when I would visit them and introduce you so they could finally meet the person that’s making me happy for the past year. Do you remember that time I asked you? You blushed and it’s so adorable I couldn’t help myself but wrap you between my arms and embrace you so tight. You let out these cute whines and buried your face on my neck that made me shiver because your nose was cold as fuck. Snowball was purring on your leg that time, rubbing his head on you.


“They wanted to meet me?” You asked. I smiled at you. I remembered holding your face to my palms, squished your cheeks gently and kissing your lips tenderly. “Yes.” You closed your eyes and rested your forehead unto mine and a soft sigh escaped your pretty lips. “Will they accept me?” You asked, albeit a little slow. Your eyes fluttered open and I saw the doubt and hinted fear in those brown orbs.


I gave you a smile and nodded my head. “Of course they will.”


Indeed they do. Do you remember? The moment we have stepped foot on the pavement near our house, my mom’s already walking towards us with a wide smile and open arms. I remembered you stuttering, eyes widened. My mom only laughed at you and pulled you to an embrace. My heart grew warm, and I can’t help my grin when I saw your eyes soften, and then proceeded to bury your face on my mother’s shoulder and wrapping your arms around her too. “Welcome to the family, Taehyung.” She said.


I tried my best to stop the laughter coming out of my chest when I heard you choke back a sob. You’re an ugly crier, baby. (I’m just kidding, you could be bald and you’ll still be the most beautiful person I laid my eyes on)


Although saying that I hated seeing you cry, I let you bury your face on my chest once we were in my bedroom, laying down and getting ready to sleep. You cried your eyes out because of the happiness you felt for being accepted in my family and that mere admission made my heart flutter and made me fall for you even more. Kim Taehyung, you’re so precious. A wingless angel walking on earth. You fell asleep in my arms like that, breath going even. I love watching you sleep (I swear I’m not a creep–and oh that rhymes). I love looking at your closed eyes, watching them flutter ever so often, and I love looking how your eyelashes softly touch your supple cheeks. And ah, those cheeks. Those cheeks that I love to squish and kiss. Have I told you how much I love your lips too? They’re pretty, plump, and soft. I love how full your lips are, and I love how they turn red whenever I kiss them for hours. I love your nose, too. It’s perfect. And I love kissing the small mole resting on it too. God, I love everything about you. If someone ask me what are the things I love about you, oh how I’m sure that I’ll go on and on in hours.


But maybe there is one simple answer that I would say if I was asked. I love you because you make me happy and you helped me grow and learn. Isn’t that what love is? Making someone happy? You made me happy, still making me happy. You helped me grow, grow to someone that I didn’t even know that I’m capable of becoming. Let me learn about new things that helped me in discovering what I really want, and what really makes me happy.


It was one morning, nobody was up except me and my mom. We sat down on the dining table, sipping coffee together. She told me how much I’ve changed, the good kind of change. I only laughed at that, smiling at her and saying, “I fell in love.” She smiled and shook her head, grabbing both of my hands and rubbed them softly. “No Jeonggukkie, you didn’t just fall in love, you grew because of love.”


Those words kept encrypted in my mind since then. Now that whenever I see you, whether you’re just talking about the most random things, or singing some English song, or practicing your lines for your upcoming play, I think back to what my mom had told me. It made me laugh to myself because she’s right. I did grow because of love, because of you. You helped me become a better person. Still helping me. And I’m glad that you did.


I love you, Taehyung. And I hope once you receive this letter and read it, you won’t cry anymore. I hate seeing tears flow from your eyes, you see. Those eyes deserve nothing but the whole galaxy and not tears. I love you, I love you. So much. And I’m pretty sure I’m going to continue loving you for a long time. (Hopefully for the rest of our lives.)

Truly yours,
Jeon Jeongguk