Chapter Text
June 4th 1998
Dear Diary,
I can't believe I just wrote that. This is stupid. This whole writing about it will make you feel better thing is stupid. Sadly, Hermione is quite determined that this is the way to go after a traumatic event, seeing as I refused to talk about my feelings with a psychologist. Though it would have had been a heavily edited version of my feelings, what with magic and the statute of secrecy. I wonder why wizards have no psychologists. The closest thing they have are mind healers, but they take care of things like occlumency accidents, not feelings. Hermione is glaring at me. I think she can tell I'm not really writing about the war, like she said I should, even though she is on the other side of the room. I wonder if she feels guilty for not looking for her parents yet. She said she'd probably go sometime next week, but I'm pretty sure she's stalling. I swear she has some kind of ability that lets her know when Ron and I do something wrong, I can literally feel her glare burning holes into my head. Apparently I wasn't subtle enough with my glances towards her. She has now left the room after stating that I'd better write something other than complaints about her. Also, that she'll know if I don't. I believe her.
Well then, I guess I just have to get it over with.
The war is over. That's good, I guess, but being there… I have never seen anything like it. I suppose it doesn't seem real. Not to me, at least. Probably not to those who were actually in the battle. It's not heroic, or noble. I don't see anything noble in teenagers having to fight for a war that started years before their time. There's nothing pretty about it. Not while children lay unmoving on the ground while the people of Britain hid behind their doors. The same people that now want to present us with an award as they read about their noble hero in the Daily Prophet.
War is ugly. People die. A lot of people. Others are left behind to live on for those who couldn't. Like me, I suppose. I miss them all. Sirius, Remus, Tonks, Fred, Dumbledore, Snape, even Dobby, the list goes on and on. I guess my saving people thing didn't really work as it should have had.
Hermione would have slapped me a bit for making that comment. I wonder what Ron would have done. I haven't really seen Ron lately, he's been really quiet. The whole house is quiet. I hate it. Sirius would have hated it too, if he was alive. Most of the Weasleys are staying here, though Bill is elsewhere with Fleur. Fleur is pregnant, though. That's the one good thing that's come of this. They gave the news a few days ago. Kind of surreal, really, to have that kind of joy in between all the memorials and funerals.
The last few weeks as a whole have been surreal. It feels weird, knowing he's gone for good. Not that there aren't any death eaters left. Last night makes three attempts to kill me in the last two weeks. Not that they succeeded, obviously. It's only been a month though. I can't wait to put all this behind me. If I ever can.
Well, I guess that's it. Hopefully I won't be coerced into writing in here again today.