Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Olivia had barely moved a muscle in almost two hours. The light pink duvet that crumpled underneath her back was fluffy but starched, very reminiscent of her own mother. She lay in a sort of trance, dirty blonde hair spread out behind her in a fan. Her blue eyes were transfixed on the ceiling fan that hung from the ceiling above her bed, watching it lazily revolve round and round, just enough to let off a gentle breeze but not so much as to be to chill. A piece of watermelon bubble gum caused her round cheeks to roll and her heart shaped chin to jut out in steady intervals. Her mother would kill her if she knew she was chewing sugared bubble gum. She was an orthodontist, and what that meant for Olivia was that she was never allowed to eat anything she really wanted to. She had been thrilled to have her braces off earlier this year with only a retainer following behind. Speaking of retainer, she had better put the pink plastic and metal object in her mouth before her mother got home or she'd be done for.

“Olivia Grace!” Too late. Olivia scrambled off the bed in a lithe motion that was quicker than any motion she'd made all day and seized the retainer off of the desk five paces from her bed, jamming it into her mouth and wincing just as the door flung open. “What are you doing in here?” Her mother always had a way of unceremoniously announcing her presence in the afternoon when she got home from work. Olivia couldn't remember the last time she'd gotten a warm welcome. Her mother stood in her crisp gray suit, pale blonde hair pulled back into a tight knot at the crown of her head. She had the same round cheeks and blue eyes, but her eyes flashed with severity and reprimand. Her lips were an equally severe hue of maroon lipstick, and they were pressed into a firmly unamused line at the bottom of her face.

“Sorry,” Olivia stammered, “I was just waiting for you to get home.” Her face pleaded for mercy, but her mother's face returned no such grace.

“I see. And there was no way you could have started your homework while you waited for me to get home? And don't say you don't have any, I know better.” Olivia hung her head with a blush setting into her pale cheeks. She definitely had assignments she could have been working on. How was she supposed to make her mother understand that she'd simply been paralyzed from any activity or thought for two hours solid?

“I'll start them right now.” She made a move towards her desk and heard her mother sigh behind her.

“Don't bother, Olivia. We're meeting your father for dinner so I need you to be ready in half an hour. Wear something nice, he'll have clients there. I asked if you could stay home and the answer was no, so don't bother asking. You'll have to do your homework when you get home tonight. No TV.” Olivia opened her mouth to protest and her mother cut her off with a raise of her hand and another flash in her eyes. Her shoulders slumped dejectedly and she sauntered past her mother towards the ensuite.

“Where are we going?” She said as she walked.

“The Pearl. That's why I said something nice.” Olivia almost let out a groan but stopped short. The Pearl was really a restaurant called Le Perle and it was a very sophisticated (or in Olivia's mind pretentious), French restaurant where her parents entertained clients for her father's business. He ran a file sharing company out of Silicon Valley that was looking to “expand” and “make big moves”. Olivia felt like rolling her eyes every time she heard him start in on it.

Instead, she would be forced to sit in a slippery, uncomfortable satin lined chair with her hair pulled back so tightly it gave her a headache in an itchy black dress and uncomfortable high heels that only made her long, gangly legs all the more awkward. She could be graceful when she needed to be, she had the title of cheerleading captain to prove that, but putting exceptionally long limbs in high heels proved too much even for her.

“Olivia. None of that god awful green eye shadow. Use neutrals.”

Olivia sighed as she clamped the bathroom door shut without another word to her mother. The turtleneck she was wearing felt suddenly strangling. She stripped it off in a smooth motion and unclasped her bra behind her, breathing a sigh of relief before she adjusted the spray of the water with the shiny brass handle that jutted out among the stone tiles. Her mind whirred with thought as she stood under the hot spray, steam clouding the glass door of the shower.

Olivia was used to the burden of expectation. She'd been expected to be as perfect as possible from the time she was a child. When she was three, she was placed in an accelerated learners preschool, when she was four she had begun kindergarten a year before she was supposed to, and she'd earned a reputation over the thirteen years following as an overachiever. Her mother had forced her kicking and screaming into gymnastics when she was five, and that had become cheerleading when she was seven. She'd always been a sucker for attention, and there was a lot of the positive kind directed at the cheer squads she'd been a part of, perhaps that's why she'd continued on with it even while growing sick of the same faces and the same boring conversations year in and year out. She'd tried to spread herself out a bit more in her extracurriculars, busying herself with National Honors Society and debate and student council. She volunteered with shelter animals Mondays and Wednesdays and was a constant presence at weekend parties.

And she was exhausted. It had been thirteen years of the same people, going around in circles. She woke two hours before she needed to leave for school every morning, making sure every outfit was coordinated, all jewelry in place, hair and makeup perfect. Her arrival in the school parking lot each morning was lauded by the same five friends she'd had since kindergarten, the same five girls who made up the rest of the cheer squad she'd captained, all complaining about their lip gloss and their younger siblings and their equally shallow boyfriends.

Olivia didn't believe in having a boyfriend. She'd made up plenty of stories about her rendezvous' at their infamous parties and she'd received plenty of legitimate offers from most of the boys at her school, but she always made one excuse or another. And really, she was far too busy for a boyfriend. She didn't need to be distracted in her last year of high school. She could practically taste the freedom of university and she wasn't going to do anything to mess that up.

A shampoo bottle clattered to the floor of the shower, snapping her back to reality violently as she jumped to avoid the bottle hitting her toes. The soreness and heaviness in her shoulders felt mildly soothed as she poured shampoo into her palm and began massaging the gel into her scalp. She rinsed the suds out of her hair and was drizzling conditioner into the same palm when she heard her mother's disembodied voice from the door of the bathroom.

“You had better be ready in twenty minutes, Little Miss!” She hated it when her mother called her “Little Misss”. Before she'd even had a chance to respond, the door slammed shut. She quickly rinsed the conditioner out of her hair and ran a razor over her legs and underarms. She'd hate to be caught in that kind of company with stubble. She slipped into a simple black shift dress and was just yanking up her nylons when her mother marched into her room, again unannounced.

“Thank goodness you're almost ready. It's been twenty minutes and we should have left five minutes ago. I hope you were planning on wearing those black heels we bought a few weeks ago, you know the ones with the little bows on the open toe, I think they'd go best with that dress, and I think the occasion calls for the pearls and matching earrings. Thank god you wore that beige eyeshadow, I've been telling you for ages that it'd accentuate your eyes and look, I was right.” The entire time her mother was speaking, she was moving around Olivia's room picking up random objects and setting them down in places they didn't belong, with Olivia trailing after her trying to get a word in edgewise. Her mother finally settled on a cranberry sweater draped over Olivia's desk chair. “Oh this. This one will go nicely and should keep you from catching a chill. It's decent outside right now, but you never know.”

“You really think the occasion calls for pearls?” Olivia asked even as she pinned the backing onto one of the pearl posts in her ears.

“It's definitely occasion enough. You remember Mr. Kwame? He's an investor and his commitment could mean a lot to the board for this fiscal year. So it's important for business, but your father also wants to make a very good personal impression because if he decides to commit, Mr. Kwame and your father will be working very closely together from now on.” Olivia rolled her eyes ever so slightly. She didn't need to know half of that information, but at least now she knew how important the occasion was to both of her parents. Even if she couldn't be bothered to care, it would mean she'd have to bring her charm tonight. Another night of having to switch herself on. She felt like a robot. She shrugged into her sweater and slipped into the uncomfortable heels that her mother had suggested, the ones that pinched around the toe. She'd learned to deal with pain for beauty years ago, but it didn't make it any easier to know she'd be wearing them the rest of the evening.

~~

The only sound in the entire room was fingers striking computer keys, moving at a rapid speed as Diana tried for the sixth time that afternoon to type up a caption for the picture she’d taken of Mrs. Desmond’s Freshman level Chemistry class. An entire room full of smiling fourteen year olds stared at her from her laptop while she sat in the chair parked at her desk, one leg folded underneath her. She backspaced again with a sigh as one of her curls escaped the clip she had hastily twisted her hair into when she had come home after school. Mr. Tomlinson had been generous enough to let her work from home, and she wasn’t about to show up tomorrow morning with little to no work completed and have him lose all faith in her. He’d trusted her enough to personally appoint her as head of the yearbook committee, and she took it seriously.

She sighed again and rolled her shoulders forward before blowing the stray curl out of her eyes, watching it lift with the short little gusts of air and fall back toward her eye each time.

She stared at the screen in a daze, willing the words to form themselves so she didn’t have to do it. She’d been distracted lately, and more than one of her teachers and staff advisors had commented on it. Her best friend Georgia had said today that she “looked tired”. Always with that cautious look in her eyes; a sidelong, concerned sort of gaze that unnerved Diana and made her snap at her friend. “What?!”

She knew she shouldn’t have, Georgia had never been anything but endlessly patient with her through their ten years of friendship. She’d been eight years old when Georgia had approached her at recess and asked if she wanted a sucker, and the rest had been history. Their friendship had survived Georgia’s parents divorce and Diana’s diagnosis as bipolar when they were thirteen, it had even survived the turmoil ridden months before Georgia had come out as bisexual to all of her family and friends. Diana had been so proud of her, and their friendship had only grown closer. She had been the person who held Diana’s hand when she’d gotten her nose pierced in a fit of rebellion the night she turned eighteen, and the person who stood by her side when her mother had screamed at her for not asking about it first. Thinking of the memory made her fingers fly to the gold hoop in her left nostril. She ran her fingers along it and untucked her legs to give her body an overdue stretch. A soft knock sounded on her door.

“Yeah?” She called as the door opened and her father’s head peeked around the side of the door.

“Everything okay in here?”

He was a gentle looking man with kind brown eyes just like her own. He had a ring of black hair with a shiny brown patch of skin in the middle of his head where he was balding. He was short like Diana, too, though a spare tire had started to grow around his middle as he had gotten older. She nodded back at him with a small smile, still not saying anything. Her thoughts had been interrupted, and when her thoughts were interrupted it took a bit to move to the next subject.

“Good. What are you working on?”

“Something for the yearbook. I finished all of my homework already and there’s not too much of it, anyway, since it’s only the second week.”

“You start piecing things together for the yearbook this early in the year?”

“Yeah, well just small filler things. Different classes and teachers and things like that. We’ll start the big work soon, though, which is always the senior section.”

Her dad nodded like he knew these things and folded his arms in concentration as he peered at the screen of her laptop from behind her.

“There’s no caption, though”, he began.

“I’ve rewritten it about eight times now. Anyway, did you need something?”

“You remember Dan Fisher, yeah? The head of that file sharing start-up I’m thinking of investing in?”

Dan Fisher was the father of Miss School Spirit herself, Olivia Fisher. Diana knew plenty about her and even had two classes with her, but hadn’t spoken to her since middle school when Olivia had asked for a pen in Algebra and rolled her eyes when Diana had said she only had pencils.

“Great! Well, Dan invited Nancy and I out to dinner tonight, and he extended an invitation to you, as well. So I just came to let you know that and let you know we need to leave in an hour. Think you can wear something nice?”

Diana’s eyes narrowed and her thick brow knit together in a look of disdain. She didn’t like going to fancy restaurants, and she especially didn’t like going to fancy restaurants with Nancy, her stepmother, and she especially didn’t like going to fancy restaurants with Nancy when they were business dinners. She was too tired to fight with her father at the moment though, and she also knew that going willingly meant he’d buy her something nice at the end of the evening.

“Don’t give me that look, Diana. Please. Dan’s bringing his family, too. He has a daughter who’s your age. You might know her from school.”

Funny he should mention.

“Anyway, his wife will be there, too, and some of her colleagues. Georgia’s dad will be there!”

Diana’s face lost its tension at the mention of her friend.

“Will Georgia be there?”

“She might be. Steve didn’t say whether he was bringing Joanne and Georgia, but I assume he will if others are bringing their wives and kids. Anyway, the dinner’s at La Perle, so let’s try to put our best face forward, yeah? I know you don’t like dressing up, but this is for everyone and maybe we can go to Best Buy when the night is through and get that lens for your camera you’ve been wanting so long.”

There it was. She should have known. Her father had always been of the “buy your love” ilk, but honestly, Diana couldn’t be bothered to care about that when there were quite a few things she wanted to own. She wasn’t really picky about clothes or shoes or makeup, but camera equipment and editing software and things of that nature were too expensive for her to pay for on the limited funds she made doing photography jobs here and there, and her father wasn’t wanting for money.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll be ready as soon as I can.”

“Great! Come downstairs when you’re ready to go.”

Diana’s dad turned and walked out of the room and she watched him leave and close the door behind him before heaving yet another full bodied sigh. It seemed like sighing in exasperation was all she was doing anymore these days.

The last thing she wanted to do tonight was spend an evening with Olivia Fisher and her family and all of her father’s business contacts, but her mind kept focusing on that camera lens and how it might help her get better shots of the sporting events she knew she was going to be called in to photograph. She stood up reluctantly. There was no use in showering as she’d already done it this morning.

She padded over to the vanity her father had gotten her for her fifteenth birthday and sat on the cushioned bench seat, digging her toes with black painted nails into the soft carpet. She rarely touched her makeup but to put on maybe a bit of mascara here and there, a full face of makeup every day wasn’t her style, but tonight it would have to be. Twenty minutes of blending and brushing and combing later, she was finally satisfied with what she knew was going to be the final outcome.

She stood up and walked over to her closet, grabbing the first dress off of a hanger she found, a blue velvet number with a bateau neckline Nancy had bought her for one occasion or another. It was a far cry from her soft jeans and band t-shirts that were regular occasion for day to day. Thank god she had shaved her legs this morning. As she was clambering down the stairs, Nancy leaned over the railing and smiled up at her.

“I love that dress on you, blue is so striking. And hey, it matches your hair now!”

“Thanks”, was Diana’s simple reply.

Nancy began to look put out so she pushed herself and offered her a small smile, which Nancy reciprocated. Diana had never been overly fond of Nancy. It wasn’t that she was a bad person, and she’d never said an angry word to Diana, but she was still her stepmother and her father had still left her mother for the woman. She was taller than her father, and taller than Diana. She was a stick figure of a woman, with very little roundness, unlike Diana who had always sported ample curves. God bless her Mexican mother.

“I thought you might want to wear those silver heels I bought last week. I know we’re the same size and I bought them for myself originally, but they don’t quite fit right with my arches, and they’d go splendidly with that dress.”

Nancy was already over at the hall closet pulling a pair of five-inch pumps out of the shoe organizer that sparkled like Dorothy’s slippers in platinum. Diana’s first reaction was to be repulsed- she hated anything gaudy and these were most definitely gaudy. Before she could give a sarcastic retort about the shoes, though, the vision of her camera lens flashed before her brain and she bit down on her tongue to silence her words. Instead, she smiled a smile that was more of a grimace and reached her hands out for the shoes, which Nancy handed over eagerly.

“I thought you could wear the diamond studs, too.”

As her stepmother ran to the bathroom to find the studs, Diana walked her way into the kitchen where her phone lay on the counter, charging. She needed a degree of sanity. She picked up the phone in her palm and slid her thumb across the screen and began tapping away.

hey, ur gonna be at la perle with the rents tonite yea?

She waited for the text back she knew would be coming. Georgia was excellent at having her phone on her, and even more excellent at answering promptly. It was one of the many things Diana loved about her.

hey! yea, i’ll b there. did u hear who else will b?

Olivia rolled her eyes and tapped out a response.

ugh please don’t remind me

haha sorry! don’t worry, we’ll just ignore her

sounds good, c u there

yea c u!

Diana locked her phone back up just as Nancy came into the room with the studs in her outstretched palm. As she pinned them in her ears, she gave another small sigh. She’d have to take a pill to calm down when she got home, but at least she’d have her new camera lens.

Chapter Text

The leather felt slick and cool against Olivia’s calves as she rubbed a leg along the front of the seat of her mother’s car. They’d driven in stony silence the entire twenty minutes it took to get from their house to La Perle, the only words spoken had been when her mother had turned on a disc of Chopin’s Nocturnes and pointedly commented how much piano soothed her. It had taken every ounce of will Olivia could muster not to roll her eyes.

Her mother still hadn’t forgiven her for giving up the piano a year ago. The baby grand in their expansive basement lay untouched and more than likely out of tune, gathering dust. It wasn’t that Olivia didn’t enjoy playing, sometimes when her parents were away she’d go downstairs and work out a tune here and there. The problem with piano was that it was distracting. She had countless other things to worry about and tick off her daily list, and practicing scales and arpeggios and theories just wasn’t something she could be bothered with.

Rather than argue with her mother over another thing she knew wasn’t worth it, she’d slumped her thin shoulders back onto the seat with a small huff while her mother gave her a condemning gaze out of her peripheral vision. She absentmindedly began toying with the charm bracelet that encircled her wrist. Her parents had given it to her as a gift when she turned fourteen and had given her a charm every year since. She always played with the pom pom charm when she was nervous and the volleyball charm when she was upset. The other two -a purse charm she had gotten with the bracelet and a coin shaped charm with her birthstone she had gotten this year- remained relatively untouched.

The car glided parallel to the sidewalk where La Perle’s valet entrance stood. Olivia always knew when they were getting close to the restaurant because the small trees planted into little patches in the sidewalk had string lights circled around them. They pulled into the circular drive underneath a maroon awning as a young man in a vest and white shirt approached her mother’s door and another young man dressed identically opened Olivia’s door and held his hand out to assist her out of the car.

She rolled her eyes yet again and stepped out of the car without taking the boy’s hand and began to walk forward without a look back to him. She would have marched straight into the restaurant if not for knowing she’d need her mother to give the reservation number her father had for their table, so she paused and allowed her mother to catch up with her as their car drove out of sight to valet parking. Her mother approached from the side and leaned in to Olivia’s ear, her breath hot and tickling.

“Try not to embarrass me, Olivia Grace”, she whispered.

Olivia could feel the air hiss out of her lungs like a balloon being deflated. Her mother hadn’t been particularly kind in recent times. She’d always been critical of Olivia, but she was beginning to grow downright cruel. Still, she’d never been one to give others the satisfaction of seeing her uncomfortable or sad, so rather than indulge her mother by slumping dejectedly, she simply nodded and continued ahead through the front doors of the restaurant.

The lighting was low and soft, casting shadows on the white linen tablecloths and rainbow reflections off the crystal goblets set on each table. There were potted ferns set around the perimeter of the place, and the dark wood of the chairs combined with the oil lamps flickering in the middle of each table made the room feel warm and rich, inviting.

Olivia knew better. Sure, there were romantic dinners and marriage proposals that happened here on an almost nightly basis, but her experiences with La Perle had always left a taste of business and rivalry and hard-nosed deals being struck. It was a stark contrast to the ambience of the room. Her parents were well known and well treated by the staff, so as they walked to the reservation booth, the maitre’d Glenn smiled a wide, toothy smile.

“Ah, Mrs. Fisher! Good evening! Miss Fisher,” he started with a small nod in Olivia’s direction, “Glad to see you this evening. Mr Fisher’s already here at the business table. You’ll remember, Mrs. Fisher.” Olivia’s mother nodded. “Excellent. May I check your wraps?”

“That would be splendid, thank you Glenn.” A woman in a uniform identical to the valets outside appeared quickly and smiled up at Olivia. Olivia smiled back at her as she shrugged off the sweater her mother had suggested. It was warm enough in here that the sweater would just end up hanging over the back of her chair, and then her mother would probably have some comment to make about the restaurant not being her bedroom.

“Thank you”, Olivia said quietly with another small smile at the young woman.

“You’re most welcome, Miss.”

She was gone before Olivia knew what was happening, with her mother turning on her heel and beginning to walk back through the restaurant towards their table. Olivia struggled to keep up in her heels, they were pinching something awful tonight.

She liked to play the game “guess the reason” on nights they came to The Pearl, as they walked through the restaurant she’d guess the reason for a particular table. The couples were easy to spot and even easier to read-- some were there for extra romance, some were there for apologies, some were there to rekindle the flame, some were there with people who weren’t their spouses. Olivia had spent enough time in this place to know which was which. She eyed a table where two men sat in extremely sharp suits holding hands across the table and quickly darted her eyes forward to her mother. To her relief, she didn’t seem to have noticed or else Olivia knew she would have uttered a noise of disgust or whispered a comment behind her to her daughter, but as it was she was flying through the restaurant too quickly to pay attention. Olivia craned her neck past her mother and saw her father sitting at the table just ahead, sipping out of a water glass. He stood as they approached and gave her mother a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Evening, Stace. How was the day?”

No one else was here yet, Olivia noticed.

“It was fine. I’m going to have to let Janie go after all,” she began as they all sat down.

Olivia cringed at the slick seat and the way it felt against her legs. She cringed again as she realized she’d have to listen to her mother talk about her work. She’d actually somewhat enjoyed her mother’s receptionist, Janie, which was more than likely why her mother didn’t.

“Oh, that’s too bad. The two week probationary period didn’t pay off, did it?”

Her father took another sip out of his water glass as he looked over at Olivia and winked. She gave him a smile back and another wink.

“I tried to mentor her, Dan.I really did. I offered so many support resources and materials, even offered my own personal time. There’s only so much you can do before you realize a person just may not be the right fit for the office.”

“Well I’d agree with that. Olivia, how was your day?”

He turned towards his daughter, still with the smile on his face. Her father was a perpetually smiling man. His blonde hair was starting to show silver splashed throughout, his clean shaven face had the same round cheeks as Olivia, giving him a jovial appearance when he smiled with a mouthful of perfect teeth. His hazel eyes crinkled around the edges when he smiled.

Her mother’s eyes narrowed toward her daughter and her lips pursed.

“Little Miss decided not to do her homework before I got home today.”

“Oh boy. Well do you need help with it? I can try to help.”

Olivia smiled at her father and gave a little shake of her head.

“Just had a brain freeze after school, dad. I can get it done when we get home.”

“You’re certainly right you’ll get it done after dinner--” Her mother started, but didn’t finish because her father stood at the approach of a family Olivia recognized.

The man was a rather plain looking man with thin brown hair and a slight stature, the woman seemed small too, though Olivia never could tell if it was because she was actually small or simply because she was so quiet and soft spoken that she made herself intentionally small. Their daughter, a face Olivia knew, had flashing red hair that looked almost orange in some lights, pale skin and freckles splashed across her nose and cheeks. Her green eyes were piercing, and her frame was much more delicate than Olivia’s. Truthfully, she looked nothing like either of her parents. She still had braces on her teeth, more than likely starting in on them later than Olivia had. Her name was Georgia Turner, and her father Steve was a partner in her mother’s practice. He was a dentist but was back in school for orthodontia. Georgia’s mother, Joanne, had never been unkind to Olivia, but when she thought about it, Joanne had never really been much of anything to Olivia as she hardly spoke.

“Steve!” Her mother exclaimed, standing from her chair and stretching her hand out to shake. “Joanne! Glad to see my husband extended an invitation this evening! He told me you know Mr. Kwame?”

Steve Turner nodded as he released his grasp on her hand.

“We do, yes. Joanne  Georgia and his daughter, Diana, are close friends. Bill’s a good man, Stacey. You’ll appreciate his insights and his attitude.”

“Well that’s good to hear about myself,” came a voice from behind Steve Turner.

Olivia eyed a man with a generous stomach and a bald patch in his graying black hair appear in front of her. Closely following were two women, the first was an older woman who smiled beside Mr. Kwame, but Olivia’s eyes fixed themselves on the girl at the end of the lineup. She knew who she was, but hadn’t really paid attention until now. She was short with small hands and rounded shoulders and short legs, everything about her seemed compact. She had a rounded face that seemed almost heart shaped and large brown eyes that reminded Olivia of a cup of coffee. Her lips were a nearly perfect shade of pink against her creamy light brown skin. Her hair seemed almost black in this light, but Olivia saw red undertones and, of course, bright blue tips that seemed disorganized as the girl’s curly hair was raked back into a clip. She was standing with her eyes darting towards her friend on the other side of the table, with a look on her face that Olivia couldn’t quite make out - it looked half anger, half annoyance, but not anything good or pleasant. Olivia chanced a quick glance towards Georgia and saw a smug, almost amused and sly smile spread across her face and was confused about what the inside joke might be that she was missing out on.

By the time Olivia had finished observing all of the people who had just crowded around their usual table, people were settling themselves in, and somehow Diana had ended up next to her rather than her own mother. She was used to being planted between her parents, and the uncomfortable change of pace made her stiffen awkwardly in her chair as she tried to create a bubble of separation between herself and the other girl. To her left, Diana was leaning her head toward her friend who was sat on her other side, whispering away about an event that, as far as Olivia’s eavesdropping could tell, had been an intense argument. Her body language certainly said it had been intense, anyway. She was rigid and uninviting, casting quick and severe glances in Olivia’s direction at sporadic intervals. When she had finally pulled her head away from whispering furiously at her friend, she turned toward Olivia, whose eyes widened at having been caught staring.

“Is there something I can help you with?”, the girl hissed.

Olivia had never been one to back down from being challenged, even when she was embarrassed and knew she’d been caught.

“I’m just trying to figure out where I’ve seen you before.” She said confidently.

The girl’s eyes showed no mercy as her mouth curled into a sort of sneer.

“Oh, I don’t know,” she started under her breath as the adults chatted away and a young man in a white collared shirt appeared with a cloth over his arm, “maybe the fact that we’ve been in the same class since second grade?” Georgia snickered on the other side of the girl as Olivia narrowed her eyes.

“That’s not what I m--”

Olivia watched a flash of something like anger or challenge cross the other girls eyes that stopped her words short. Diana mumbled something that sounded like “whatever” before turning back to her friend opposite her.

If there was one thing Olivia couldn’t stand, it was rudeness. She was often perceived as rude because she was a cheerleader and because most of her friends weren’t nice people. She knew that, and she hated it, but she’d done a bang-up job of convincing herself over the years that there was simply nothing she could do about the behaviors of her friends. She tried as hard as she could to at least be civil to people, and this girl was downright nasty. Olivia knew one thing: she was not looking forward to seeing her in English class tomorrow morning.

Chapter Text

“I’m telling you, Nick’s face looked like that frog we dissected in biology sophomore year. You remember that, don’t you? Didn’t you boycott that day?” Georgia chattered at Diana’s ear.

The clanging and banging of metal locker doors was enough to set Diana’s teeth on edge and force the fringes of what she was sure would be a splendid migraine in a few hours time. Walking into the yearbook room after school was finished was the best time of her day. It stood in stark contrast to the rest of the building, where noise and chaos reigned. This room was peace and safety to Diana.

Mr. Tomlinson had been her favorite teacher since she first stepped foot on this campus as a freshman. She had taken as many of his course offerings as possible. Mr. Tomlinson had challenged her in ways no other teacher could, and he’d be the first one she would ask to write a letter of recommendation for her university applications.

“Hey, Kwame. Did you get the disc for faculty night finished? You know you were the only one they trusted to come in and photograph that event. I’ll need the full photo set by next Monday at the latest.” She’d just walked into the room and he was already playfully poking at her.

Tables ran along the perimeter of the blue carpeted room, with large computers and chairs shoved up against the tables. Four rows of desks sat in the middle of the room, and as usual Mr Tomlinson’s explosion of a “habitat” as he called it sat at the front near the whiteboard that had memos and lecture notes and reminders scrawled along the lengths of it in green and blue dry erase marker. Diana marched to the desk that Mr. Tomlinson had his feet propped on top of and plunked a flash drive down in front of him.

“Edited and everything. Now tell me I’m your favorite student.”

“Can’t, it’s against the law or something, I think. But if I was picking favorites…”

Diana smiled widely and flashed him a thumbs up.

“Isn’t your teaching ‘against the law or something’?”

This time it was Mr. Tomlinson’s turn to smile broadly. He always did love a bit of banter with his students and the other teachers who would have it from him. He was a perennial favorite at the high school and had been since he had begun teaching four years earlier, when Diana had been a wide-eyed freshman who had gotten mercilessly bullied about everything from her hair to her skin to how quiet she was. He’d been instrumental in bringing her out of her shell and giving her something to be passionate about. He swung his legs off of the desk and sat up to look her in the eye.

“On a serious note, Diana, I’ve got something I do need to discuss with you, but don’t worry you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Her stomach had begun to sink but lifted a bit at his considerate addition of reassurance that she wasn’t in trouble. Still, she was curious. Georgia gave her a sidelong glance before shrugging her shoulders as if to say, “don’t ask me”. Her eyebrows knit together in confused concentration as she followed Mr. Tomlinson back to his desk. He sat in the spinning chair behind it and motioned to a stray desk chair that sat on the end of the desk, awkwardly positioned. She’d sat in that chair to talk about papers and topic sentences and themes during English class more times than she could count.

“How was your weekend?” He began, folding his hands on top of each other.

“Tomlinson, it’s Tuesday. Why are you asking me how my weekend was?”

“Okay, fine, how was your Monday evening?”

Diana rolled her eyes. She couldn’t figure out what he was up to, but she crossed one leg over the other and propped her elbow on the desk, anyway.

“It was fine. Had to go to some stupid business thing with my father. Got promised a new camera lens I didn’t get, you know the usual. Why?”

“Well to be honest,” Mr. Tomlinson started, his face rearranging itself in a look of concern, “I had hoped it might have been a bit better. I don’t think you’ll like what I have to say but we’re a team, yeah? We work together.”

“Of course”, Diana shrugged. She was wary of the look in his eyes, it seemed like he was balancing on a razor’s edge, waiting for her to react violently.

“Excellent. Well, you know Mr. Styles came to talk with me the other day and he’s desperately in need of people to audition for the musical. I know it’s outside of your normal realm, Diana, but I’ve heard you sing and you’re good. I think you should challenge yourself to try for it.”

The seat underneath Diana felt like it was dropping, the air seemed to swirl. She was keenly aware of the sharp odor of dry erase marker and the clicking of keyboard keys by her fellow members of the yearbook staff. Mr. Tomlinson put his elbow on the desk and leaned towards her, almost so close she could feel his breath, and reduced his voice to a small whisper.

“Between you and me, he’s looking for a person to fill the role of Eponine, and I for one think you would be phenomenal.”

“I… what. Well.” Diana gripped the edges of the seat as her mouth struggled to form words. Her tongue was heavy behind her teeth. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

Mr Tomlinson leaned back and raised his eyebrows a bit, examining her in a way that felt a bit like caring scrutiny. His eyes never lost their earnestness as he carefully voiced his words. That was one of the traits Diana admired about him, his sincerity.

“Diana, listen to me. I know you can do this. Of course I would never push you into it, but you’re headed to university next year and I would love to see you try to expand your horizons a little before you do. I read your file. You took drama freshman year with Mr. Styles. He speaks highly of you. Why not reconnect with an old passion?”

God help her, he was good. In spite of everything in her brain screaming against it, she felt a tug somewhere in her stomach and she knew the fight was useless. She knew she would say yes. She was nodding before she could even stop herself. By now, her mouth had gone completely dry and her tongue may as well have been a boulder. Still, she managed a whisper.

“Okay. I’ll do it.”

Mr. Tomlinson’s eyes expanded to twice their normal size and twinkled fiercely as his face split with a wide smile.

“Excellent!” He boomed, before leaning in again with a lower voice. “Just remember, I’m here to be a support through the whole thing. I can’t wait to write about this courage in my recommendation letter to USC.”

Diana just gaped with her mouth ajar as he winked at her and swung his legs around, feet on the floor as the chair spun and he stood in one lithe motion. Her eyes were wide, as well, but the feeling that her stomach was on a plummeting roller coaster told her that it was with horror and not the glee he seemed to possess. There was superglue on her chair or gravity was malfunctioning to keep her there. She could feel air pricking against her skin as the hair on her arms stood on end and she wondered how she’d gotten to a point where air was hurting her. Georgia was in front of her before she knew it, a concerned expression fixed on her face. She’d seen Diana through some awful panic attacks.

“What did he say? Can you tell me?” Diana tried to focus on the green of her eyes. They seemed cloudy with the worry that permeated her voice.

“I… I’m auditioning for the musical.”

Georgia’s eyes bulged and her mouth, fixed into a firm line beforehand, fell open as her hands dropped off of Diana’s shoulders and she took a step back.

“Pardon me?”

Diana lifted her eyes from the floor to display the terror housed there as they met Georgia’s. Her knuckles, she was sure, had gone white from gripping the seat so hard, her feet firmly cemented to the carpeting underneath the soles of her shoes.

“I’m auditioning for the musical.”

Her voice came a bit more strong and clear this time and she felt her feet beginning to detach from the carpet, her shoulders felt as though they were loosening. She took as deep a breath as she could, feeling her stomach expand out and watching the thin t-shirt material stretch with it. She offered Georgia a small smile to show her that she was okay and watched her friends face relax a bit.

“I’m auditioning for the musical. I told Mr. Tomlinson I would, so I’m going to. He’s writing me a letter for USC.”

Georgia pulled Mr Tomlinson’s chair by the back closer to her friend and landed with a bit of a sigh. Normally this chair was strictly off limits to students, but by now Mr. Tomlinson was deeply concentrated on a staff member’s computer on the other side of the room. Georgia’s eyes concentrated on him with a bit of disdain showing on her face before refocusing on Diana.

“You’re sure you’re okay with this, yeah? I know after freshman year you said you’d never audition for another musical.”

“Why, because Sophia got the role of Kim? I’m still bitter about that, yeah. But it’s been like, four years.”

Diana rolled her shoulders back to release tension as she spoke. She could still feel a sensation in her gut like livewires but she was trying to play it cool. Her mother’s voice rang through her mind: fake it ‘til you make it . She hated cliches but this one seemed appropriate. Her mind flashed back to when she’d been a freshman, very naive with undyed hair and high expectations for changing herself in high school. She’d auditioned for the musical that year - Miss Saigon - and Mrs. Deitrich, the drama advisor at the time, had picked her cast based on whose parents would invest the most money. The coveted role of Kim had gone to Sophia Smith, a member of the cheerleading squad who had squawked her way through I Still Believe and almost made Diana get up and leave the production she’d paid to see.

It was the reason she was thankful for Mr. Styles taking over when Mrs. Deitrich had retired. He refused to cater to the affluence in the high school and cast just for investments sake. Their productions since he’d been at the helm of the drama department hadn’t been as flashy, but what they lacked in flash they made up for in character. She had thought it ambitious of him to take on such a large cast production as Les Miserable , but now she understood that he had a plan to pull it off. She couldn’t say she blamed him.

An annoyingly high pitched laugh pierced Diana’s ears, tugging at the strings behind her eyes and reminding her of the migraine she had forming. She glanced over and immediately felt her eyes roll to the top of her head, like a reflex reaction. Speak of the devil. She was repulsed by the idea of Olivia Fisher, Sophia Smith, and the entire cheerleading squad standing in her safe spaces. It felt violating.

They were always laughing about something and Diana never knew what it was, she often wondered if they even knew what they were laughing about. She studied Olivia in particular; long and lean with tanned, muscular legs and arms, silky blonde hair that was pinned back on either side with bobby pins, blue eyes like midwinter ice, paler than the blue and white uniform hugging curves that Diana felt nearly guilty for examining, trying to avert her eyes. Don’t go there, she thought to herself. Instead, Diana planted her eyes on the blindingly white shoes they all had on their feet. Best to look at the shoes when your eyes betray you. Mercifully, Mr. Tomlinson had turned at the sound of the laugh as well and was approaching the gaggle with hands up in a surrendered stance.

How appropriate.

“Ladies, ladies. To what do I owe this immense pleasure?”

Diana chanced a glance up to watch Sophia poke Olivia forward. Sophia was an anomaly of sorts. She was long and slender, just like Olivia. But unlike Olivia, she often topped the cheerleading stunts. She wasn’t as solid or as intimidating as Olivia, and yet for those who knew her she was infinitely more terrifying. Olivia was the ringleader, but Sophia was the puppet master. Her dark hair and features did nothing to forgive the sneer that often crossed her face when the squad was getting in a particularly good roast, usually at her prompting. There was a perpetually pinched and pained look on her face when the sneer wasn’t there, almost as if it was painful for her to associate with the proletariat beneath her on a daily basis. Diana watched her toss her gleaming chestnut hair behind her back and smile with a look akin to pity at Mr. Tomlinson.

“We just came to deliver a message from Coach Lahey, Mr. Tomlinson.”

Olivia was the mouthpiece of the group. Even Sophia deferred to her to speak to people of importance. The entire squad didn’t have a clean reputation of positive encounters with authority figures. Many of the girls had been caught in bad behavior with little to no consequences. Diana’s eyes narrowed as Olivia gave a disgusting giggle and handed Mr. Tomlinson a piece of paper.

“It’s a list of times she thinks are best for photo opportunities and official photos and things.”

Diana swore that the movement of her eyes was involuntary because before she knew what was happening, she was rolling them back into her skull again with a small noise of disgust. She felt like a pack of hyenas had caught her scent as the eyes of the entire squad collectively slid in her direction. Sophia’s mouth quirked into the infamous half sneer it got when she smelled blood in the water.

“Is there something you have to say?” Sophia hissed as Olivia quirked an eyebrow in amusement.

Diana stood up, refusing to be intimidated by someone who was clearly intellectually inferior. She squared her shoulders and held a hand up to silence Georgia who had her mouth open, primed to give a sassy retort. She shut her mouth abruptly when she saw Diana’s hand and Olivia’s eyebrow hitched up yet again. Sophia stood by Olivia’s side, nearly matching her in height. Her sneer grew deeper the closer Diana approached. Arrogance was not a trait Diana handled well in other people, and Sophia had that trait in spades. If Diana were perfectly honest with herself, she had every urge to physically wipe the condescending smirk off of that perfectly made up face.

Physical violence would solve nothing and she was better with her words, anyway, so she didn’t falter and drew closer to Sophia as she watched her face twitch slightly. By now, most people would have backed off and given the squad a wide berth, they weren’t used to being taken on so directly. Diana took a quick glance at her fingernails and pursed her lips in feigned nonchalance.

“Tell me, Soph, was it hard to find the room? I know the numbers go up in twos. It must be confusing.”

Diana had seen Sophia give glares before, but nothing compared to the murderous rage she was seeing in her eyes now. They glinted, hard as stone and completely unforgiving, and Diana could see the wheels turning in her head, calculating what she desperately wanted to say and weighing it against the risk of a possible detention or discussion between Mr. Tomlinson and Coach Lahey. Her eyes flickered over to the teacher about to say something to break up the formation, when the infamous sneer spread further into her face and Diana knew she’d made up her mind.

“Well, I hear dykes are particularly good at math.”

There was a sucking in of air that spread around the group at the realization of Sophia’s words. For her part, Sophia had a remorseless look of self-satisfaction that started in her eyes and spread across her face as she folded her arms smugly over her chest and popped a foot out. Mr. Tomlinson stepped firmly between the two girls, facing the cheer squad.

“That is quite enough! You can leave now, and don’t think I won’t be having words with Coach Lahey about this, Sophia. I’m incredibly disappointed in you, and I don’t tolerate hate speech and slurs in this room.” Sophia opened her mouth to reply but Mr. Tomlinson held up a hand and waved her away. “Go on. Not another word. Off with you.”

He herded the squad out of the room and turned on his heel as they exited to face Diana. Their laughter could be heard echoing down the hallways. Mr. Tomlinson looked to make a move to apologize, but Diana’s unexpected laughter caused startled looks to come across both his and Georgia’s faces.

“Diana?”

Diana was shaking with silent laughter, tears forming in the corners of her eyes as a cramp threatened her side.

“I’m fine”, she choked out through the laughter. She took a breath through her nose and settled. “I’m fine. I just think if that’s the best word she can come up with, she’s shown me why she gets lost on her way to history so often.”

Georgia let out a loud cackle of a laugh and clapped her friend on the back while the teacher put his hand to his mouth to cover the smile that had appeared on his face as his shoulders shook slightly in a small chuckle. The red-tinged scruff on his face rippled as his face flashed different emotions-- amusement, disgust, concern. Diana was sure he didn’t need to be concerned about her, a run-in with the squad was nothing she hadn’t learned how to handle in four years. She’d watched all five of them -Olivia, Sophia, Gigi, Camille, and Eleanor- go from the same freshman status she’d had week one of their high school careers, to the campus watchdogs they were now, prowling the halls in a pack, perpetually in their cheer uniforms to show their dominance. Or maybe the uniforms were a figment of Diana’s imagination. She was sure they had to wear real clothes at some point. She reached up to twist a curl that had fallen out of her ponytail and gave Mr. Tomlinson a reassuring look.

“I really am fine.” His mouth twisted sideways, somehow even more concerned than before.

“If you say so. I still plan on having a talk with Coach Lahey, though. Those girls need to learn they can’t go around saying and doing whatever they want.”

Diana’s reflexive laugh had a hard edge of bitterness to it, was almost too sharp and overstated.

“I need to go get another flash drive from my locker. But good luck, Mr. T. Coach Lahey doesn’t care what those girls get up to, but I admire your passion.”

Her posture and stance were loose and teasing in tone, but the edge of truth was still there. The adrenaline from the past few minutes made her dark skinnies feel extra tight, the fabric of her t-shirt extra heavy.

She sauntered down the now deserted hallway, not stopping to pick up papers strewn on the floor advertising one club or another, and the pep rally this Friday. Those announcements were on fluorescent green sheets, and instead of picking them up, Diana kicked one every now and again just to show her petty disdain to no one in particular.

She turned down the hall where the science classrooms were housed, where her locker had been assigned to her the first day she was here. Someone had etched initials into the metal in tiny, unkempt carvings years ago. HES + LWT . She’d been staring at the crude etch for the past four years and still had no idea who the two initial bearers were. She hadn’t put much effort into finding out, in all truth, but she always swore she would. Someone had been passionate enough about the two of them together to vandalize school property for it, so the least she could do was find out who they were.

The rattling handle of a door three lockers down from hers roused her from her concentration. Really, she’d been staring blankly at the inside of the locker space, but now she jolted her head up to see who had invaded the quiet moment.

Olivia Fisher.

Diana didn’t think she’d ever seen her alone anywhere before. It had been startling and upsetting enough to see her outside of school at her father’s business dinner the night before, and thank heavens she had had Georgia there to act as a buffer. She knew for absolute certain that there was only one other time she’d ever been alone in the same room as Olivia, and it had been when they were eleven and their sixth grade math teacher had held them both back after class to let them know they weren’t doing well and give them parent teacher conference slips to take home. How she remembered these things, Diana never had a clue. But it was the truth, and suddenly she couldn’t help but wonder if Olivia remembered it, as well. Probably not. Girls like Olivia didn’t remember things like that, Diana told herself. As evidenced by her snap at dinner the other night.

This time, it was Diana’s turn to get caught staring. As soon as Olivia angled her body towards her with narrow eyes, she knew she’d been busted. She could feel her cheeks fill with color as her eyes shifted back to the inside of her locker, her hand shooting forward and knocking against the shelf edge, causing a jab of pain to burst through her knuckle.

“Fuck”, she whispered under her breath.

“Careful, you don’t want Ms. Mitterman to hear that.”

Diana could swear she had hallucinated. Olivia wasn’t making eye contact, her own hand rummaging around in the inside of her locker. Her voice was flat and barely audible, but Diana knew what she had heard. Her first instinct was to give a sassy retort about Olivia daring to speak to her, but for some reason unknown she felt the urge to push her first instinct away. Why she didn’t feel nearly as strong an urge to fight Olivia as she did Sophia, she really couldn’t say.

“Fuck Ms. Mitterman.” Diana whispered with an annoyed edge to her voice.

It was true, the Biology teacher was notorious for policing the entire school. No one liked her. Olivia let out a huff of breath as a smile, an actual honest smile, came across her lips and her eyes swiveled to the side in cheeky amusement. Diana couldn’t believe what was happening, but Olivia didn’t stop there. She turned her body toward Diana with a sincere look in her eyes. It was unnerving, so Diana didn’t reciprocate the look until Olivia spoke.

“I’m sorry about Soph. She shouldn’t have said that.”

Olivia’s eyes darted to the side as she spoke before refocusing on Diana, who could feel the nervous energy radiating from the blonde haired girl in front of her. Diana wanted to say something biting. She wanted to make Olivia feel horribly for the wounds her gang had inflicted on everyone she knew for over ten years now. She wanted to be the righteous martyr. She wanted a lot of things. There was something in the middle of her chest, though, that was almost like pity or sympathy, she didn’t understand. It was soft like waves, lapping at the edges of her anger, and its erosion seemed to work much more quickly than she expected. Rather than continue to look into the blue eyes across from her filled to brimming with sincerity, she looked down at the floor.

“Your shoes look comfortable.” Diana had no idea what had just come out of her mouth.

“Oh,” Olivia looked down at them, following Diana’s eyes down. “Actually, they give me terrible blisters.”

Diana was incredulous at what she was witnessing. The girl put her hand over her mouth to cover a giggle. She was giggling. It was almost as if Diana’s brain had given up on processing the events that were unfolding in front of her. She wanted to speak, to say something witty in return, instead her mouth hung slightly open and her eyes continued to grow in width. She was dumbfounded and Olivia could see it, so her face grew serious again.

“Anyway. I’m sorry again. I’ll try to do what I can to keep her away from you.”

“Why are you doing this?”

So there was a bit of the bitterness returning. Diana had figured out in less than a minute that she could bring herself floating back to her brain if she did not look in the girl’s eyes. Avoid them at all costs, and she could be her normal self. Olivia shrugged.

“Our dads are working together. Might as well try to be civil, too.”

So that’s what this was about. Business. Diana might have known. People like Olivia were never nice to be nice, there was always some ulterior motive, something in it for them. The warm thing in her chest was draining away along with the color that had risen in her cheeks.

“Right. Yeah. Good idea.”

Diana reached into her locker again to grasp the flash drive that had the pictures she needed for her yearbook work and gave Olivia a firm, final look.

“Have a good day.”

She pivoted and walked away with an almost march to her step, fighting the impulse to look back and see the effect her sudden change in attitude had caused. There was no way she was going to allow herself to be manipulated by the strange powers that Olivia Fisher had over her. No way.

~~~~~

Olivia watched Diana march down the hallway and turn sharply towards Mr. Tomlinson’s classroom with confusion ringing in her mind. She had no idea what she had done to cause such a drastic change in attitude. She had learned throughout the day, starting in English class, that they’d been in the same class since kindergarten. This year alone they had no less than four of their seven classes together, two of which she also shared with Sophia, whom she’d asked about Diana in first period English with Mr. Tomlinson.

Diana talked a lot in that class and Olivia had never paid attention, she regularly didn’t pay attention in English. She’d read all of the material they were covering years beforehand and had no desire to engage in debate or discussion about it with her peers, but she hadn’t realized just how far she had tuned out until it dawned on her that she didn’t know half of the students names. She’d covertly pulled out her phone and texted Sophia under her desk.

hey what do you know about the diana girl up at the front?

She’d watched as Sophia felt her phone buzz and pulled it out to peer at the message under her own desk. Her eyebrows had raised and she’d looked over towards Olivia with confused disgust before clicking away a response. It was seconds before Olivia felt her phone ping with the message.

the weirdo with the blue hair, you mean? She’s a dyke.

Olivia had to contain her reaction when she saw the response. Normally, the word didn’t bother her. She’d read it and heard it in plenty of the things she’d watched and seen. The difference with Sophia was in knowing that she used the word maliciously, as a way to insult the girl at the front who had black plastic framed glasses on the edge of her nose as she skimmed the text of the book they were currently discussing.

Olivia had read Speak when she was a freshman and didn’t care to hear the ignorant comments she knew people were bound to toss out about the sensitive subject matter involved. Mr. Tomlinson was an excellent teacher, but even he couldn’t stop stupid people from opening their mouths and contributing absolutely nothing helpful. There was something intriguing about that girl, though, Olivia had to admit. She wasn’t used to people challenging her, it didn’t happen often. Diana didn’t seem to be afraid of anyone. Olivia wondered what that must be like, because fear was what she knew.

She slammed her locker closed and tried to shake off the weight of the day. Coach Lahey would be expecting her back to the gym sooner rather than later. The halls smelled of sweat and pencil shavings and she noticed that someone seriously needed to come through with a wide broom and sweep up all of the stray papers on the floor.

The pep rally this Friday loomed in her mind every time she saw those damned green flyers, reminding her that the team was still struggling with single base heel stretches and she didn’t know what else she could do to help them get it down for the routine they were required to perform three days from now. The coach had been on her for two weeks, ever since she’d noticed that the bases were the problem. Sophia was supposed to have been helping coach the flyers so Olivia could help focus more of her attention on the bases, but of course Sophia was never one to be told what to do so rather than actually help, she just complained about the bases lack of upper body strength and said that there was nothing “her flyers” were doing wrong. Hers. Like she owned them. It was technically true, the team’s flyers had their hip technique and knee position down but their bases weren’t gripping the foot solidly enough to complement the move without someone getting seriously hurt.

“Liv!” Sophia trotted up to her as she entered the gym, swinging her hair behind her. “Tanner wants to know if you’re down to party this weekend after the game. His parents are away and his brother’s got the key to the liquor cabinet.”

“Bit early to be thinking about Friday night after the game when we’ve got a pep rally and the game to focus on, isn’t it?” Olivia quirked an eyebrow up, and Sophia rolled her eyes and pursed her lips the way she always did when she was trying to convince Olivia to do something she knew they probably shouldn’t be doing.

“You’re always so serious, Liv. The bases are starting to get their grip down, the pep rally and the game will be fine and you could do with blowing off some steam. You’ve been wound tighter than my grandmother’s fucking yarn ball.”

“Sorry,” she dipped her head a little and let out her breath in a huff, “I’ve got a lot going on right now and my mom and Coach L won’t get off.”

Sophia threw an arm around her shoulder as they walked toward the center of the gym where the cheer mats were already laid out.

“That’s why a little time at Tanner’s house this weekend out in the woods will do you some good. No responsibilities other than getting totally blitzed.”

“What was that, Sophia?”

A solid square of a woman seemed to have materialized behind them. She was short and stocky and firm with a constant take-no-shit look on her face and a whistle on a blue and white lanyard always around her neck. She’d been key in starting Olivia on junior varsity cheer her freshman year and moving her up to an underling on the varsity squad her sophomore year. She’d coached plenty of squads to state championships and had made it clear when she ordained Olivia as captain that she expected no less this year, as well. She and Olivia had already spent hours planning and competition cheer didn’t even start until second semester.

“We were just talking about how blissful nailing those heel stretches is gonna be.”

Coach Lahey’s eyes narrowed in suspicion and seemed to decide against pursuing it.

“Well hopefully we can get it down in three days!”

The coach slammed a hand on her popped out hip and spoke louder so the entire squad would hear.

“You all have been conditioning and training since June. I absolutely do not understand why you have your cupies completely nailed and are struggling on the heel stretches. A triple base is outrageous as it is.”

Sophia was standing behind Coach Lahey mimicking her mouth movements in an exaggerated fashion while rolling her eyes and Olivia had to struggle and press her lips together to keep from laughing. “And the five of you,” Coach Lahey swept her hand across the gym but it was perfectly clear that she meant the seniors of the squad. “I expect more from you. I expect you to be leaders and showmen. Show them how to do this, don’t just tell them. You’ve all been doing this for years. Now, I don’t know why you all aren’t already running but I want laps around the school. Ten. Go.”

Excellent. Just great.

Olivia raked her hair into a ponytail and snapped a hair tie around it as her slight jog became an all out run. She had a love/hate relationship with running. It cleared her mind and helped her focus, but her technique had never been very good and she always got an ache at the base of her neck as a result-- an ache she really didn’t need before trying to lift over a hundred pounds of human body above her head a little while later. She breathed out hard and tried to concentrate on her legs. One foot in front of the other, even if these shoes did rub the wrong way.

Practice was long and Coach Lahey had kept them running and stretching and re-attempting the same stunt over and over again until Olivia’s face was a red, sweaty mess and her ponytail had lost all of its perk and she could feel her spandex uniform clinging damply to every inch of the skin it covered. It felt like it was suffocating.

It was a pitch black sky by the time she had changed out of her uniform into a pair of baggy gray sweatpants and a simple t-shirt, stuffed everything in her gym bag, and made it out of the school into the orange glow of the lamp-lit parking lot. She eyed her car and pressed the unlock button on the key fob when she heard a voice behind her and spun to see who it was.

“Oh, Olivia. Oh! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you.”

She breathed a sigh of relief at seeing Mr. Styles, the drama teacher, standing there with his arms full of sheet music. He was a tall, gangly man with broad shoulders and kind green eyes. Olivia had always noticed that he had long, spindly legs much like hers and knew why kids in school called him clumsy. She felt a weird sort of kinship with him over that, a membership to the Long Legs Club. His black trench coat flapped around his knees in the wind and Olivia noticed a panicked look as some of his sheet music began to flap, as well.

“Here, let me help.”

She gathered a small stack securely in her arms so he could keep the rest from flying away and saw the relief wash over him.

“Thank you. This isn’t mine, you see. Borrowing it for auditions on Friday.”

Olivia nodded.

“Right. Auditions. Forgot about the musical.”

This time it was Mr. Styles’ turn to nod.

“I’m very excited for it. It’s an excellent show full of passion and conviction. It’s got a great message to it. I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you.” Olivia eyed him suspiciously. She didn’t know where this was going, but she was almost certain she didn’t like it. “You see, I’ve been talking to several people I have in mind for certain roles,” Olivia sucked in her breath but he plunged on, “and I know you have a background in theatre and music. Ms. Sterling told me you were one of her best sopranos freshman year.” Olivia blushed at the compliment. “Anyway, I thought you’d be a shoo-in for the role of Cosette. She’s such an important figure, you know.”

“No offense, Mr. Styles. I’ve seen Les Mis and loved it, but I haven’t sung in years, first of all. And secondly, I’ve got a lot on my plate already with cheer and my other extracurriculars.”

She felt bad for dismissing what seemed like a plea, but she was only one person.

“I understand. I’ve already spoken with Coach Lahey, of course, told her about the rehearsal schedule in case any of the people on her squad wanted to audition. She did say she’d be willing to relax a bit on the training schedule to help me out since you’re not in competition season yet. I really do think you should give it a go, Olivia. It couldn’t hurt to diversify.”

Olivia pinched her mouth forward in thought. Diversify. That had been the word her mother had used while nagging her recently about her extracurricular activities. She had even specifically mentioned the arts. Olivia didn’t want the extra commitment, the extra pressure. But she couldn’t deny that it would mean more time away from home, which was a place she didn’t enjoy spending time lately, anyway. And who was to say an audition would hurt? Just because she auditioned for the role didn’t mean she’d automatically get it, someone could audition who was better than she was, in fact the probability was high. She couldn’t believe she was talking herself into doing a musical.

“Okay,” she sighed. “Sure, I’ll come to auditions. Be prepared for something awful, though.”

Mr. Styles chuckled and grinned at her, a smile that was goofy and endearing.

“Wonderful! I’m happy you’ll give it a go.”

“When is it again?”

“Friday. 4 PM. I know you’re on a time crunch between the pep rally and the game so I’ll make sure you get in first.”

Oh great. Going first at an audition. She couldn’t think of a more fun way to spend an afternoon than with the pressure of a rally and a game sandwiching the total alien world of auditioning for a fucking musical.

“Oh and speak of auditionees!”

Olivia lifted her eyes from the sheet music in her arms she’d been so intently concentrating on and her stomach sank when she saw the shorter figure in front of her. Why did Diana always look like she was ready to fight? Nevertheless, she offered a small smile to Mr. Styles as they approached, her face bathed in the orange light and her hair even showing a bit red against its blue ends. Olivia tried to smile at her. No dice. She received a scowl in return and Mr. Styles looked between the two of them, visibly confused and flustered.

“Well, ladies, this is my car,” he began a move to take the sheet music Olivia was carrying out of her hands, “so I’ll be saying good evening.”

“Have a good night, Mr. Styles,” Olivia said as he popped open his driver’s side door.

“Drive safe”, Diana added.

“And to the two of you, as well.”

He waved and climbed into the car. Olivia turned to Diana as the sound of the engine on Mr. Styles’ car roared to life.

“Well…” She started walking and to her amazement, Diana started walking with her. She looked over at her and could see her face had softened, even in shadow.

“So can I ask you something?”

She looked ahead and heard Diana sigh beside her.

“Sure. Why not.”

Olivia rolled her eyes, trusting in the shadows between the lights to give the gesture protection from Diana’s gaze.

“Why did you get mad at me earlier?”

It was a bold question to ask, especially of a stranger, but Olivia was curious and she’d never been one to deny her own curiosity, even when it wasn’t the best idea to indulge it. Diana sighed yet again. She sure had a thing for sighing.

“Look, I know our dads are probably going to work together. But to be perfectly honest with you, I’m not even really that close with my dad. And I don’t see how the two of them working together means anything about us. I thought…”

She trailed off and Olivia stopped walking to turn and look at her. She’d let her hair down from it’s usual ponytail or clipped back twist, a cascade of blue-tipped black curls cascading around her shoulders in spirals. Olivia couldn’t help but think she should wear it like that more often. It made her seem less severe, softer. It was beautiful.

“You thought what?”

“I thought maybe you were being nice to me just to be nice. I got mad because I realized you had an ulterior motive. I don’t understand why you and your friends always have to have some reason just to be nice to people. Like, can’t you just be nice to nice?”

Olivia could feel the sting of the words crinkle the edges of her eyes as her mouth turned down. She wasn’t used to people talking to her so honestly, most everyone in her world spoke in platitudes about vapid subject matter. She wasn’t quite sure how to respond to the earnest look in the eyes of the girl in front of her.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that just because our dads are working together that I, like, wanted something from you or something. I just know you don’t like me and I thought we could call a truce. You don’t like me, right?”

“Not particularly, no.” Diana shrugged.

Olivia had to admit, she was impressed.

“Okay, but it looks like we have a lot of classes together. And, what’s more, it looks like we’re both planning on auditioning for the musical on Friday. Let’s say by some miracle we have to spend that kind of time around each other… I’d rather have more people I’m at least neutral with in the arts kids than people who absolutely despise me.”

Apparently, honesty rubbed off. Diana looked taken aback. Olivia wasn’t sure what had caused her to be so forthcoming and she almost felt sorry for laying that kind of truth on Diana. Almost. To her relief, Diana nodded.

“Okay. Understandable. Reasonable, even. I’d hate to put myself in a place where most of the people hate me, too. God knows I’d never go out for the pom pom brigade.”

“Heyyy. That’s not fair. Most of the girls on the squad are--”

“Don’t you dare say ‘nice’. For fuck’s sake if you try to tell me Sophia Smith is ‘nice’ I will scream bloody murder in this forsaken parking lot.”

Olivia couldn’t help the smile that plastered itself on her face at the joke about her best friend.

“Soph has had a lot of privilege in life. Sometimes she doesn’t really think of other people. You should meet her mother. Dragon lady, a million times worse and with horrible breath.”

“That doesn’t surprise me at all. But look, just because your parents are assholes doesn’t mean you have to be one, too. My stepmom is pretentious. My best friend, Georgia’s, stepmom is a raging bitch, but she’s still a good person.”

“Wait, wait. That was Georgia’s stepmom? That explains so much! I always thought her dad had like, cheated on her mom or something!”

“Yeah, Gia’s parents split ages ago. It was super rough on her. One of the hardest times I’ve been through with her since we’ve been friends. They’re totally bitchy to each other, which makes it way worse. Her stepmom is awful.”

“She sounds like a great friend. I. Well, anyway.”

She could feel Diana’s eyes slip towards her. She was going to say something and Olivia didn’t want to incite her pity and didn’t want her to feel bad for her because there was no reason for anyone to feel bad for her. Mercifully, they had finally reached her car in the parking lot and she saw the window of opportunity to swerve the subject matter swing wide open.

“Jesus, finally at my car. It’s been a long day.”

She saw Diana startle a bit, as if pulled from a train of thought, but she was glad of it. She grasped her trunk and hoisted up to swing her gym bag in the back before slamming it down again.

“Where’s your car, by the way?”

“Oh”, Diana looked around the parking lot, almost confused, “um, I guess it’s back near the front.”

Olivia’s eyes bulged.

“The front? Why didn’t you just tell me to bug off and good night rather than walk all the way back here with me?”

Diana looked uncomfortable and Olivia could tell she was struggling to say why she’d walked all the way to the back of the gigantic, mostly empty lot with her when she could have just been in her car and probably halfway home by now. “It doesn’t matter. Get in and I’ll drive you to the front.”

“I can walk. It’s not a big deal”, Diana shrugged.

“You know, your obstinance is going to get really annoying, really fast. You’re not walking across a jumbo deserted lot by yourself when it’s this dark outside. Get in.”

She could see Diana roll eyes but she still rounded the car to the other side and popped the door open.

“Do you always get your way?” Diana asked as they climbed inside and shut the doors in perfect unison.

“That depends”, Olivia said with a light tone as she extended the seatbelt and clicked it into place, jabbing the keys in the ignition and twisting, “do you like me now?”

She looked over and saw a small smirk spreading across the rounded face of the girl beside her.

“Nope. Not really.”

Olivia wanted to laugh.

“Well then”, Olivia shrugged, “I guess I don’t always get what I want. Santa Claus really needs to be notified. Christmas is gonna suck this year.”

Diana laughed. An honest laugh. Olivia was startled at the sound of it, feeling her eyes grow wide. It was loud and had a squeak to it and was over too soon. She wanted to know how she could get the girl sat beside her to make that sound again.

When she’d sped to the front and let Diana out at her car and watched as she’d turned out of the lot and driven off, she stomped her foot on the gas pedal, shot forward, and had to slam back to the brake and sit for a second. She pulled out her phone and thumbed a text to her mother, just to be safe.

Practice out late. Be home soon. Sorry.

She closed her texts and opened Twitter, tapping the letters to spell out Diana’s name and do a little social media stalking. People would never guess she was quite good at finding things about people on the internet, but in her position at the school, it paid to be in the know about people. She usually relied on Sophia to do that kind of work for her, but this time she needed to gather the facts for herself.

She found her Twitter rather easily, surprised that they did actually have quite a few mutual friends. Her thumb ran across the screen as she hungrily devoured any information that she could find. Her bio made Olivia smile:

“A dreamer who sees the world more beautiful through a camera lens. My taste in music is better than yours.”

“We’ll see about that”, Olivia whispered to herself.

She realized she was having a one-sided conversation with herself about a girl she’d only spoken to three times, only one time that had been entirely pleasant. She didn’t know if it was the way her smile lifted her cheeks or the way her eyes seemed to swirl when that smile flashed across her face. There was something about Diana Kwame. It had Olivia hooked, and when Olivia had her mind set on an idea, she didn’t give it up easily.

She flicked further through her account to gather more details. She said The Ramones and Nirvana were her favorite bands, solid beginning. She tweeted about Doctor Who and Harry Potter and how Jo Rowling was a hero of hers. She said no one matched Stevie Nicks. She posted daily photography updates, mostly of photos from Dorothea Lange and Margaret Bourke-White, who she said were her heroes. She proudly talked about feminism and other social issues.

Okay, so this girl was cooler than Olivia knew how to process.

She swallowed hard, somewhat intimidated, and felt her phone buzz as a text from her mother flashed onto the screen.

Said you’d be home fifteen minutes ago. Where are you?

Shit. She hovered her thumbs to respond, trying to think of an excuse. Something that wasn’t, “social media stalking a girl with blue hair and a nose ring that makes my knees feel like jelly”.

Stopped for gas. I’ll be home soon. Sorry.

She put her phone into the cup holder in her center console and pressed her foot to the gas, trying to chase away any thought of Diana Kwame and her brown eyes and her smile. This was going to be an ordeal, she could tell already.

Chapter Text

Olivia was on a roller coaster. She could feel the polyester strap around her middle, constricting. It was going to leave a mark after they reached the bottom of the hill. The click, click of the metal wheels on the metal bars of the track was droning loud in her ears, anticipation building. She wasn’t particularly fond of roller coasters and was confused about how she’d gotten here; but now that she was here she decided it was best to go with it. The crest of the hill was rapidly approaching, much more rapidly than she thought herself prepared for.

She was shaking. No, the car was shaking. What was shaking? Something was shaking.

The fingers around her shoulders were leaving sore spots with how tightly they were pressed into her skin. If the pain hadn’t been enough to wake her, the volume of Sophia’s voice in her ear certainly was. It was too early to deal with this. To deal with her.

“Liv, come on! Get up!”

She felt another shake and finally summoned the strength in her arm to reach around and bat Sophia’s hand away at the wrist. The duvet felt heavy on her legs as she grasped the top to roll around and face her friend. She’d barely opened her eyes when she was hit with a pair of soft sweatpants and a gray t-shirt, wadded into a ball that fell apart on impact.

“We’ve got a run to do today.”

The blear in Olivia’s eyes finally started to clear as Sophia came into focus, brown hair pulled back taut and still a full face of makeup even though she was in tiny gym shorts and neon pink sneakers.

“Soph”, Olivia mumbled, voice still heavy with sleep, “have you ever thought it might be circular logic to wear makeup while running?”

Sophia shrugged.

“Not if it means I look good doing it. Now get up, I want to get five in today and you’re procrastinating.”

Olivia muttered under her breath as she flipped the duvet off of her and swung her legs round to sit up on the edge of the bed, toes curling into her carpet as her arms lifted and back spaced into a stretch. She’d known Sophia long enough that the other girl didn’t bat an eyelash or raise an eyebrow to see her without pants, her pink and white striped underwear were rather boring, though. She stuck her leg through the first space and then the other, standing to pull up the waistband, shrugging out of the tank top she’d slept in. She could feel Sophia watching her as she slipped into the mesh bra and t-shirt and gave her a sidelong glance.

“Something I can help you with?”

She could hear her friend huff out a breath more than see it.

“I swear to god you’ve gone up a cup size. And how is that even possible?”

Olivia chuckled as she sat back on the bed’s edge to pull socks onto her feet.

“I lift humans for hours a day after school, it tends to work out the bust muscles.”

Sophia’s eyes narrowed as her face fixed in concentration.

“I don’t actually think that’s a thing.” Her arms crossed just underneath her chest as she leveled a serious stare at her friend. “Whatever. Your mom’s awake and she made orange juice and I need to eat something or I might die mid-run.”

“Orange juice isn’t ‘eating something’, Soph”, Olivia said as she followed her out of the room, her hands busy raking her hair back into a high ponytail. If there were bumps, well she could always count on her mother to say something.

They padded down the stairs quietly together, Olivia hearing the snap of a knife against a cutting board as she approached the kitchen. They rounded the corner to see her mother at the counter, sectioning grapefruit halves.

“There are boiled eggs on the island and bran cereal. Skim milk, too. Morning, girls.” Her mother actually smiled as her knife edged the inside of another rind in deft motions.

“Morning”, Olivia offered back with a small smile as she settled into one of the high stools behind their kitchen island, Sophia moving past her to the chair on the left.

She took a knife and began slicing her egg. Normally, she’d stuff the entire thing in her mouth as she was running out the door, but something told her that might not be best given the present company. She reached for the bowl of sugar her mother always had on this end of the island, sat next to other condiments. Her mother cleared her throat loudly.

“Don’t you think refined sugar before a run might not be such a good idea, Olivia Grace?”

Olivia pinched her lips in what she was sure, to her mother and her friend, looked like a brief moment of consideration. It was a look she'd perfected in eighteen years. In reality, her disdain would more than likely be plain as her nose if someone were looking with proper eyes, but her mother was under the illusion that her daughter would never dare be defiant. As it was, she had snapped the lid back on the sugar bowl in two seconds and rearranged her face into a passable smile. Her mother pushed the honey jar toward her.

“Go easy on it, it's still sugar.”

Olivia gave a sycophantic smile as she whirled the honeycomb spoon in the air over her fruit.

“Personally, I think sugar and sweetener ruins grapefruit”, Sophia piped up from beside her. She wanted to shoot daggers out of her eyes, to kick Soph underneath the island countertop.

“Yes, I guess some people just have a taste for healthy food and some don't.”

Olivia was going to need this run. Truly. If the burning sensation in her shoulders, in her stomach, and behind her eyes was any indication, running might be the only reprieve she would be allowed.

She darted a glance toward her mother, who was blending the grapefruit juice in with protein powder in the blender. How did she have her hair so perfect this early in the morning? Olivia wondered what it would be like to wake to a mother who had messy hair and made pancakes for breakfast, with butter and syrup and no expectations other than laughter. She'd never known such a woman, her grandmother had been just as severe before she died last year, passing in her sleep without leaving room for any loss of dignity, forever the woman in control. DuPage women were always in control of themselves, it was a matriarchal motto passed down through generations. Women on her mother's side of the family had been nobility, aristocracy, always proper and always poised. There wasn't a moment that passed where she felt as though she might be living up to that inheritance.

“You two had better get going if you're going to make it through the run by the time you need to leave for school. Olivia still has to come back and get showered and ready.”

She wasn't even completely finished with her breakfast and her mother was clearing dishes. Sophia pushed herself away from the counter to standing and Olivia made to follow her.

“Don't worry, mom, I've got clothes in my car and we've got a small practice run through before school, anyway, I'll just shower and change at the school afterward.”

Her mother's eyebrows knit together in concern.

“I suppose. Did you pack your makeup? I'd hate for you to have to go the whole day with a bare face.”

Olivia wasn't quite sure why her mother was trying a new approach of mock concern for her daughter when they both knew her real concern was for the appearances she kept while at school. She turned to leave, the last words coming behind her back,

“Of course I did. I'll see you later tonight.”

“Have a good day, Mrs. Fisher!”, Sophia called as they trotted out of the door, breaking into a run before they hit the end of her family's driveway.

---------------------

She had been right, that run had been good for her. They were starting to get their stunts down with each passing run through at practice, as well, Coach Lahey lavishing praise on them for the first time in what felt like forever. As a result, she bounced on the balls of her feet into the locker room, the sweat on her forehead cooling the air that tickled it. It felt good to steal a few minutes to herself before school began, she'd been kept back by the coach to be complimented on her leadership and had launched a discussion about the need to ease the younger members of the squad into game cheer, so by the time she'd gotten back to the locker rooms they had cleared out, even Sophia shooting her a text saying she couldn't afford to be late for English “like some people”. Whatever.

She showered quickly, brushing her hair out in the mirror with steam still furling through the tiled room. The best part about mornings when she ran before school was not being subjected to her mother's morning inspections, being able to get away with her hair in a ponytail and minimal makeup felt like a dream.

She swiped mascara on her lashes and ran a tinted chapstick over her lips before straddling a bench and pulling out her phone. She'd been scouring Diana's account all evening, feeling somewhat -okay very- ridiculous as she read and reread and re-reread everything the girl had to say. She didn't know whether it was the running endorphins or bad grapefruit, but she'd gotten up the gumption to thumb a quick message to her before she headed into practice,

She peered down at her phone and reread her original message.

Hey i thought since we’re both auditioning we could work together maybe??

She rolled her eyes at herself but felt her stomach give a lurch when the phone buzzed in her hand, a response popping onto the screen. She was hit with an overwhelming urge to laugh and throw up, and both at the same time were entirely disconcerting. She stared at the phone screen like it didn't exist, as if staring long enough and hard enough might make it disappear or make it's reality less sharp. Deep breaths.

This was doing nothing to ease the urge to vomit. This was just a new friend. She didn't understand why she could feel her palms slick with sweat, could hear blood rushing in her ears as the pounding of her pulse grew. Was she really that out of the loop with making new friends that it afforded this kind of anxiety reaction? She was a known social butterfly around school. She had to admit, there was something different about Diana. She knew how to behave around everyone in her life, but Diana felt like a rebellion, like an unpredictable whirlwind of an off-script decision. Her phone buzzed again, jumping to life to remind her of the message that was waiting as the throw of her stomach matched the vibration.

Work together? How?

Olivia hadn't thought this far ahead. She had no idea how to respond. Her fingers hovered over the keys of her phone as her breath hitched in her throat. At this moment, she really did wish she had the ability to will something in and out of existence. Preferably her phone. Or herself. The question was simple, and Olivia had no idea what tone of voice she should inflect into the message itself. There was a very good chance she was simply annoying the girl who had captured her attention. Maybe she should apologize for bothering her and move on. Or maybe she should keep it innocent and assume the best.

Casual, be casual.

I just thought it might help

She hit send and began typing again.

I have a piano at home. We could practice. Today or tomorrow? Whenever you're free! Just an offer!

She willed herself to stop typing. There were so many different words in different combinations she wanted to drum out with her fingers, to clarify and to persuade and to be heard. Instead, she listened to the flag in her brain that screamed “Stop!” Her leg bounced on the other side of the bench from the hand that held her phone, she was aware of it but the motion felt soothing as her ears went fuzzy.

Buzz.

That'd be cool! I'm free tonight. 7?

The room was spinning. No, she was spinning. Wait, scratch that, the room was spinning in one direction and she was spinning in the other and the whole thing was quite disorienting. How was she supposed to respond with ease and calm when there was a vacuum that had been firmly attached to her insides, where everything felt constricted? It was impossible to stay settled when her brain was panicking because she needed to take a breath and she had to remind herself to do so. Just a friend. Was she even a friend? Olivia didn't know if she could call Diana a “friend” just yet. She'd never made a friend like this. She had to respond. There was a kick start in her brain that she had to consciously move to bring her phone back into a position where she could tap out the last message.

7 sounds great! I'll msg you my address later! Have a good day!

Breathe. Breathe. Buzz.

You, too. :)

The smile that spread across Olivia's face tugged at her ears it was so wide. Her cheeks hurt, because of course Diana was the type to use emojis and smile at her and she had a really wonderful smile and Olivia didn't quite know why she enjoyed her smile as much as she did, what she did know was that it was an exceptional smile. She pocketed her phone and slammed her locker door shut as she rounded on her heel towards the locker room exit. Someone had bellowed air into her lungs, and the buoyancy made her bounce as she walked again.

-------------------

She walked into English class several minutes late, a pink slip of paper showing in her hand to excuse her tardiness.

“Ah, Ms. Fisher. So glad you could join us”, Mr. Tomlinson exclaimed as he stood from his desk, clutching a shining silver thermos in one hand. “Do I even need to read this?”, he asked as he plucked the slip from her hand.

“No, probably not.”

The rest of the students in the room still hadn't given their attention over to their teacher, all shuffling bags and books and talking among themselves. Mr. Tomlinson always afforded a few moments in the morning for this because, as he said, everyone knew the first class was the hardest of the day. In the midst of the commotion, the teacher took the opportunity to position himself fully facing Olivia and blocking the rest of the class, creating a barrier.

“I don't think I need to remind you that we're not that far into the semester and your grades are already not doing so well, Ms. Fisher. I appreciate your dedication to your sport, but I'd hate for your distraction to impact your performance in here, which will in turn impact your ability to perform out there.”

Olivia stared at him for a moment, considering his words. His bright blue eyes were sharp but kind, with small crinkled lines at the corners. He had hair that hung in his eyes, much to the chagrin of community parents. His face was always expressive. Normally, Olivia would provide a short response, keep it professional but closed off. Still, the two educators who never could incur her coldness were Mr. Tomlinson and Mr. Styles. Rather than be curt, she smiled and nodded.

“Understood, Mr. T. I apologize, I'll try harder.”

His smile lit up his face as his eyes lost an edge of their seriousness.

“Excellent! I have every confidence in you. If you need anything, just ask yeah?” Olivia nodded again, her eyes darting to the side to see where Diana sat.

The other girl squirmed in her seat as Olivia's eyes reached her, almost as if she had been staring beforehand. In fact, Olivia was almost sure she had been. A satisfied smile spread across her face as Mr. Tomlinson turned towards the classroom and she made her way back to her seat, glancing over again and catching Diana's eyes this time. She swore she could see a tinge of pink appear in those cheeks as the smallest of smiles was offered in acknowledgment.

As she made herself as comfortable as possible in the hard plastic and metal desk chair, she was met with the look of confusion mixed with a hint of disgust in Sophia's face. She pretended to ignore it, reaching down to zip open her backpack and remove her books. If Mr. Tomlinson wanted a more committed student, then that's what he'd get.

“What was that?”, Sophia whispered.

Olivia looked into the brown eyes leveled in her direction, accusing something she was unsure of, her mouth twisted into a sort of sneer.

“What was what?” Olivia leaned back in her chair, flipping over the cover of her notebook and tapping her pencil on the pad of paper in time with the tapping of her foot. She could feel Sophia's eyes boring into her but she wouldn't give in, she stared straight ahead. She'd played this game with Sophia too many times.

“You're making happy faces at that dyke?”

Olivia felt that familiar twist like the turning of iron on iron in her stomach again, like all of the air in her body that had floated her to her classroom was suddenly sucked out as she tensed and slowly turned toward her friend. She very rarely stood up to Sophia, pulled rank on her, but she knew she could do it when need be. Still, gathering the courage to do so felt like gathering ants on a picnic blanket, no easy task.

“You know, that word loses a little more pull since you use it so damn often. Try something else, maybe.”

Sophia's eyes grew wide as her sneer turned down. She flipped her hair over her shoulders as she turned back to face the front of the room, muttering under her breath.

“Well excuse me, Ms. Self Important! I didn't know you two were dating now.”

Olivia wanted to punch her. She could feel her toes dig into her shoes, her hand curling tightly around her pencil and threatening to snap it in half. There was something clawing at her throat. Her rational mind said it would be a bad idea to punch the best friend she'd had since kindergarten, the practical brain said her mother would kill her on the spot if she earned herself her first detention senior year of high school. The thought caused the grip on her pencil to ease and her legs to relax. It wasn't worth it. She took a deep breath and concentrated on Mr. Tomlinson's lecture.

---------------------

It was in fifth period Political Science that her phone buzzed again. Mercifully, Sophia wasn't in this class. Olivia was thankful for it, she needed the reprieve from the cold stare that had been relentless since English class. Eleanor and Gigi usually sat across from her but were out on some sort of field trip for their early childhood education classes. She shuddered at the thought of those two girls looking after children. The phone had broken what little concentration she had on her current events assignment, her eyes checking the clock before trying to subtly slide it from her pocket under the table to read.

Ur not surrounded by ur usual flock ;)

Her face twisted in confused concentration, her hair hanging over her shoulders and in her face, providing some level of protection. The text was an iMessage from a number she didn't recognize and it was obviously someone who could see her right now, at this moment. She snapped her head up and began visually scouring the room, weaving from face to face and finally locking on to a pair of cocoa colored eyes. Her instant reaction was to smile as she felt her ears begin to burn. Thank god her hair covered them. Diana's face lifted on one side as she raised her eyebrows and then winked. Olivia felt a shock in her chest as her smile spread and her head began to slowly shake.

They're gone, thank god. How did u get my #?

She tapped out the message and slid her phone back into her pocket, attempting to concentrate. Mr. Payne was talking about something important, she knew he was. It was something that was going to appear on a test later, she was sure he'd mentioned that, instead there was a swarm of bees droning in her brain, blocking out any good sense to listen and absorb the information in front of her. Her hand jumped to her pocket as she felt the return buzz and the familiar flip of her stomach.

I'm on yrbook. I've got everyone's #'s. ;)

She should be flattered that Diana had gone to the trouble of looking up her number through the yearbook directory just to send her a text. She should be flattered, but it was more than that. She'd proactively gone to the yearbook database and gone through nearly five hundred students just to find Olivia's phone number that she'd entered on a form and taken the chance that it might have been changed or been a wrong number to send her a message. Some people might find it strange or creepy, she found it incredibly endearing.

U kno, some people might b weirded out by that ;)

They were going to be overusing wink emojis, she could see. Buzz.

So r u weirded out then?

I dont scare easily. I'm more complex than u think.

She looked up after sending to see Diana's eyebrows lift again as she read the message. She looked back at Olivia with a smug smirk of amusement painting it's way onto her face.

“Ms. Kwame”, Mr. Payne's voice said sharply from the front.

Olivia's phone was in her pocket in a flash, her attention zeroed on the shaved headed, muscular man at the front. “I made my cell phone policy clear on the first day. Perhaps it escaped you. If I see it again-”

“You won't.”, Diana said definitively and confidently.

It had already been put away and Diana's jaw had a hard set to it, her face returning to a more guarded stance that she usually carried with her throughout the day.

“Good. Well, as I was saying,” Mr. Payne continued, turning his attention back to the class, “you and your partner need to break down the current event for its global impacts, it's national impacts, so on and so forth, down to what effects we might see here in our city government. Now I'm in a good mood today, so you can pick your partners. We've got an even number today because of absences, so off you go.”

Well damn it. Eleanor and Gigi were gone which meant Olivia was left to fend for herself. She didn't know a single other person in this class and she'd never been one for group projects, anyway. She loved helping people but she was too much of a controller to work well in groups.

A thought sprang to her mind that felt wild. Rebellious, even. Social rules of high school clearly showed that the thought she had just had was against the rules. Olivia had never been a lover of rules, even if she was an obeyer of them. Maybe this one time, though, she could act on that small rebellion. What could it hurt? No one was even here to bear witness to it. So rather than close herself off, she stood from her chair and walked over to where Diana sat, an empty chair beside her. Why was Olivia not surprised?

“Is this seat taken?” She didn't know why she had to ask.

The smile on the girl's face had been growing since she stood up, knowing what was coming. There was that smirk again. What on earth was behind that smirk? Olivia was fascinated by it, it was like a mystery she had to solve. Was her sarcasm mocking? Or self-serving? And surely it had to be sarcasm. Right?

“Not at all.”

Her voice was brighter and more alert than it had been the first time they'd talked. Her hair was pulled back again, twisted into one of those damned clips like always, blue tips spread out like a fan. She was wearing a band t-shirt, Olivia noticed. The Runaways. Olivia had no idea who that was, but it looked vintage. She couldn't stop staring at the gold hoop in the other girl's nose, her eyes going back and forth from her eyes to her nose and that hoop, to her lips, back to her eyes.

“Something you're memorizing?”

Olivia was confused for a moment, blinking furiously to try and kick start her brain cells into cooperating with her.

“Oh! Oh no, sorry. Just wondering if your nose ring hurt.”

It was a shit lie and Olivia knew it, and from the look on Diana's face, she knew it, as well. A moment hung suspended in the air, Olivia knew Diana was making a decision. There was a shadow that crossed her eyes whenever she was thinking of her next move, the next thing to say. Olivia found her incredibly difficult to read, but this one thing remained constant.

“No, it didn't really hurt, but I cried.”

Diana had made her decision and Olivia felt the steel grip on her lungs give way. Thank god for small miracles.

“You cried?” Olivia had a light mocking tone to her voice.

“Excuse you,” Diana sniffed, her voice dripping with sarcasm, “nasal piercings do a weird thing to the tear ducts. It's a reflex reaction. I had no choice.” A smile lifted one side of her mouth.

“A 'weird thing'? That a technical term?” Now Diana’s face really broke into a smile and lord help Olivia, that smile made time stop with the air supply to her brain.

“Of course it is. Used by piercing professionals the world over.” Olivia snorted her laughter as she took a pencil from the backpack she had brought with her.

“Piercing professionals. That sounds like an oxymoron.”

Diana's eyes narrowed as soon as the words were out, the smile disappearing from her face. It was like warning sirens in Olivia's brain, knowing she'd said something that wiped away the brilliance from her face yet again. She heaved her shoulders in a sigh and dipped her head, looking up at Diana through her lashes.

“That sounded pretentious, didn't it?”

“Incredibly”, Diana said flatly, her cheeks sucked in.

She always got so tense when she was mad, Olivia noticed. Poised like she was ready to spring to defense. Olivia recognized that posture too well, the face of her mother flashing into her brain before she angrily chased it away.

“Sorry. It's just I've always wanted to get mine done, too, but you know. Can't.”

The hardness in Diana's eyes seemed to soften a bit as her shoulders fell. She relaxed almost as quickly as she had gone rigid, falling back into her chair slightly.

“Why can't you? You're eighteen, right?”

“Yeah, I am”, Olivia's mouth twisted into concentration, trying to decide how to describe what was holding her back. “If I did that, my mother would probably tear her garments and heap ashes on her head. Wailing, gnashing of teeth, the usual.”

“Ah, so you have strict parents. Yeah, your mom looked like a bit of a... well, yeah. She looked professional.”

Olivia threw her head back and laughed before clapping a hand over her mouth as she saw Mr. Payne's eyes flash at her from over at another table where he was discussing subject matter with other students. A deep blush set into her face as Diana chuckled at her misfortune,

“Well my dad doesn't really care much. But I guess 'strict' would be a polite term for my mom, yeah.”

Diana fixed a stare at Olivia, face all seriousness with brown eyes blazing.

“Strictness is usually a cover for insecurity. People are afraid of spirit and freedom.”

Olivia felt like someone had connected a hard fronted first to the back of her head. How was this girl sitting beside her able to say such simple sentences that carried such weight? She spoke them into the universe without irony or sarcasm, simple truths that landed like bricks onto Olivia's shoulders and sparked a fire in her brain.

“Ms. Fisher, Ms. Kwame”, Mr. Payne's voice plunged Olivia back to reality, pulled her to the present, as she tore her eyes away from the dark chocolate gaze that rested on her face a moment longer before flicking to Mr. Payne's attention.

“Which current event have you chosen?”

Shit. Current events were what they were supposed to be doing and somehow they'd gotten lost. Olivia felt it was easier than she was comfortable with to get lost in Diana.

“Queer homeless youth”, Diana said without missing a beat.

Olivia gaped, wide eyed. Mr. Payne was notoriously conservative in their more progressive school, though he often said he didn't allow his personal beliefs to impact his teaching it simply wasn't always the case.

“How, pray tell, is this a current event?”

For her part, Diana didn't back down and didn't flinch or shy away. Her posture remained as fixed as her face and her stare. Olivia could tell Diana wasn't afraid, and she was envious. She had always been afraid to contradict adults or make them uncomfortable as a matter of principle. She'd have been chastised for challenging someone older than herself in front of her mother.

“Queer homeless youth is always a current event, Mr. Payne. But as a matter of argument, Time Magazine just did a write up on it that's gone viral with startling statistics. It's impactful for the nation on all levels of government.”

Olivia was in awe, her face turning between their teacher and the girl beside her. Mr. Payne seemed to consider Diana's words and nodded.

“Alright then. Carry on.”

Olivia watched Mr. Payne walk away and could feel Diana's gaze burning into her cheekbones. She turned to match that gaze, the twinkle of admiration fresh.

“That was brave.”

Diana shrugged nonchalantly.

“It's a real issue affecting real people.”

Olivia nodded. She didn't know how to respond to the fire etched into every corner of Diana's face, the passion that sparked that fire was something entirely unfamiliar to her, and like actual fire she was mesmerized by it while knowing it was dangerous, pulled in closer as the heat began to warm something in the center of her, radiating out.

“So. Seven tonight, yeah?”

Diana's face broke into another smile. Make it stay, that's what Olivia's brain was screaming at her. Make it stay forever.

----------------------

Cheerleading practice was another success, though Olivia's focus was once again drifting. Coach Lahey called her to stay behind as the other girls went for the showers. Her face was serious, though it didn't have the usual hard nosed appearance it did during practice. Instead, she looked almost welcoming-- as though she had important things to say. For some reason, that terrified Olivia even more than her usual stance. She was used to a coach with hands on her hips and a whistle held in her mouth.

“Sorry I was unfocused today, Coach Lahey”, she figured if she preemptively struck out with an apology, it might soften the blow of whatever conversation was about to happen.

“You were unfocused today, and it's not like you. I'm not used to seeing Sophia take the lead on bases like that. If you let her, she'll take your entire leadership out from under you. She's cunning like that.”

Coach Lahey gave Olivia a wry smile as she leaned back against the bleachers that were still folded in, arms crossed over her chest.

“Yeah”, Olivia said with a shrug, “she can be. Most of the time, actually.”

“You've got a lot to deal with, Liv. And now with this musical. I'm entertaining Mr. Styles in the spirit of camaraderie, but I don't want it to become something that blows your chances of at least a partial cheer scholarship. USC and UCLA might show up at some point during competition season and if you're on your game, you could be looking at a full ride.”

Olivia didn't know why, but she was tense. The burning started in the middle of her neck and reached its throes at her shoulder blades. The idea of the next four years of her life being filled with even more rigorous training and competition threatened to start a headache at the edges of her vision. She managed a small smile that looked a bit more like a grimace as Coach Lahey continued on about university programs.

“You're a natural born leader, Olivia. That's why I moved you up quickly and it's why I've continued working with you for the past four years. You've got a real shot here.”

“Thanks, Coach.”

Olivia had known Sharon Lahey for over four years, even before she was in high school. She should have been able to open up to her, tell her how much she didn't want to fail at everything, how everyone expected everything of her and never gave her an inch. Coach Lahey didn't care to hear that, though. What she wanted to hear was what they all wanted to hear, what they all wanted from her: a promise to do better, jump higher, run faster, lift stronger, pay more attention, and do everything perfectly. Rather than release the bottle cap here in front of the coach, she twisted it a little tighter with a smile and a nod.

Always professional, always composed, always in control.

She walked to the now cleared out locker room with her neck and shoulders on fire with tension, heavy with stress. If only her arms could bend in a way to give herself a massage of some sort. The locker room echoed, even Sophia had sent her a text to let her know she wasn't waiting around for her. Connor, her football player boyfriend from old money, had some sort of family function “at the club”, Olivia rolling her eyes at the simple thought of spending the night in a stiff dress with uncomfortable heels and people who fake laughed their way through life with droning violin music and white jacketed waiters who made her uncomfortable with their schmoozing.

The track pants and tank top she was wearing were thrown into the locker as she tiptoed to the showers. The warm spray was exactly what she needed, and as her shoulders relaxed she couldn't help but think of Diana. It was strange, the way the girls face would appear in her mind throughout the day with no rhyme or reason, almost as if the first time she'd seen her face it had been seared into something in the gray matter and refused to stop repeating its imagery. She was always smiling, which was poetic given that the first time Olivia had ever really seen Diana she had been doing anything but smiling. Oh, that smile. She was sure this was what drove people to madness, and for the first time she understood why people drank. She'd never seen the appeal in alcohol, but it seemed like a brilliant idea now, as did many other things that her rational brain warned her against.

The thing about Diana was that she didn't make any sense. Not to Olivia. She was wild and untamed and yet she talked to adults like she was one of them. The world had given her plenty of reasons to curl in on herself and there was still something that shone out from the middle of her like sunbeams. She didn't apologize to anyone. Olivia was used to seeing people even cower in fear in front of the likes of her and Sophia but Diana stood her ground, unafraid. Olivia was afraid of everything and everyone and Diana's utter lack of fear might be the most beautiful thing she had ever seen any other human being carry with them. It was those sunbeams of fearlessness that made her seem like the light in a dim room, Olivia was sure of it.

She emerged from the showers, steam curling around her as she dressed and threw her duffel bag over her shoulder. She checked her phone standing in front of the locker with the door open and her stomach did another flip when she saw a message waiting for her there.

Will ur parents be home this evening? I'd hate to make a bad impression.

Now that she thought of it, her parents wouldn't be home this evening. Her mother would take one look at Diana's blue hair and nose ring and there would be immediate disdain painted across her face. It was for the best that they wouldn't be there, so Olivia would have the breathing room she needed to practice. Practice music, of course, for her musical audition, because that's what this was for. Diana was coming over to help her practice for her musical audition because she was a helpful person. Helpful.

No, they won't be there. Coast is clear! ;)

She didn't wait for a reply before tossing her phone into the gym bag still hanging from her shoulder and zipping it closed again. She surprised herself with the trust she already placed in Diana. Normally, she'd be hovered over her phone waiting for the next response, the next continuation of the conversation just to make sure the conversation would really continue, but hadn't Diana been the one to text her originally? She was used to making the effort in her friendships and with her family, it was nice to not have to worry about that with Diana. She was like fresh air in the spring, the kind of air that gives feelings of floating. Olivia was buoyant yet again.

----------------------

She checked the clock on her phone again. It had to be the hundredth time she'd done it in the past half an hour, she was sure of that. Every time the display lit up and the minutes stayed savagely stuck, another firecracker exploded in her stomach.

She'd come home to an empty house, her parents having already left for their gala, and had preoccupied herself by twisting her hair back and sinking into a bath with water as hot as she could physically stand it. The silence surrounded her, only the dripping of the faucet to keep her company with her thoughts. Of course her thoughts went to Diana.

The strangest thought was that she had only really just met Diana and yet she still felt important. She was frightened by those emotions, by the shine of her eyes and how it pulsed through her. She couldn't lie to herself and say she hadn't noticed how Diana curved underneath those t-shirts that hugged her closely. She wondered what it would be like to run her hands along her soft skin. She was sure it was soft, anyway. The thought of it made her hand twitch from the side of the bath down into the water, slipping down to the warmth between her legs. Her fingers began to work in soft circles, her head falling back with her eyes closed tight. The peak of it didn't take long, not much time before lights popped behind her eyes and her entire body tensed with the bliss of it.

She sat on her bed after she had toweled off and slipped on loose fitting clothes, confused. She'd always thought girls were pretty, much more appealing than boys. She had little to no interest in those of the opposite sex, but that didn't mean anything. It didn't mean she wouldn't one day. She was putting too much thought into it, really. Diana was a good person, someone with a lot to admire about her. No wonder Olivia was fascinated by her. They were friends, that's all, if that really. Diana hadn't even admitted to tolerating her much less anything akin to friendship. She was okay, everything was okay. Nothing was out of the ordinary.

The ring of the doorbell startled her so she nearly fell from where she was perched. Her movements came like a skittish baby deer as she swung her legs around to bound off of the bed and down the stairs. She was halfway down them before she realized she was in pajamas with messy hair. She nearly paused to turn around, but just friends, so she finished her scramble down the flight of steps and yanked the door open to see Diana leaning against the post. She had changed, too. The purple beanie hanging off of her head seemed to almost clash with the blue ends of her hair, her skinnies with a hole in one knee made Olivia's legs feel like gelatin.

Just friends.

“Did you miss me dear?” Diana's face twisted into a sarcastic smile.

“Ha ha, so funny. Come on in.”

She watched Diana pass her, her eyes lifting to the tinned tile ceiling and surveying the marble that surrounded them in her parents foyer.

“Minimalism suits your family”, Diana said flatly.

Olivia giggled behind her hand and rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, my mom's always been one for subtle chic, you know?”

Diana nodded.

“I can tell. So, where's this piano?”

Diana's posture was more relaxed than Olivia had ever seen it, a constant smile lingering on her lips and traveling up to her eyes, her curls falling loose over her shoulders. Olivia wanted to stare for awhile. At her friend, of course.

“It's in the basement, come on I'll show you.”

Olivia waved her hand as she turned towards the door that lead downstairs. Diana followed after her, looking this way and that in quiet observation as she padded along behind Olivia. They passed several rooms running along a hallway before opening into a carpeted, comfortable space with cushioned sofas and a large screen television with glass cases displaying all of the various game systems and players and speakers. Diana watched as Olivia approached the piano, running her hand along the smooth black wood of the top. Olivia turned around to see Diana with her mouth open.

“What? What did I do? That look is never good.” She knew her well enough to know her looks now?

“No, sorry. It's just... you have a Steinway.”

Olivia nodded.

“Yeah, a Model S Baby Grand. Isn't she beautiful?”

She moved her fingers down to grace the keys, plunking one or two of the higher notes as she did, the sound resonating sharply through the room.

“Do you know how much those things cost? I'm afraid to touch it.”

Olivia didn't think she'd ever seen Diana's eyes so wide. She was usually so flat and unimpressed. It was like watching an inanimate object come to life and she found herself chuckling, causing Diana's eyebrows to knit together.

“What? What's so funny?”

“Nothing”, Olivia laughed, “just you. What are pianos made for if not to play. Come on, sit down.”

She dropped lightly onto the bench seat and patted the space beside her gently. Diana made her way over and sat down next to her, eyes fixed firmly on the pale white keys in front of her. Olivia's heart had set to racing again. They'd never been sat this close to each other, close enough that Olivia could tell that Diana smelled like roses and her hair was something spicy sweet, like cloves and honey. She could feel when Diana took a breath beside her and tried to steady herself. Focus.

“What are you singing for your audition?”

Olivia wanted to concentrate on anything else than the girl breathing beside her. Give her a song to play.

“What else? On My Own.”

“Don't you think that's a bit typical?”, Olivia asked, eyes still boring a hole through the wood of the piano front, refusing to slide over, but she felt the girl stiffen next to her.

“I'm auditioning for Eponine. You have to sing On My Own to audition for Eponine. It's the most epic solo number of the show... not to sound self important”, Diana hastily added to the end of her sentence.

But Olivia couldn't argue, she had a point. She reached ahead to flip the book of sheet music in front of her back to the song she needed and took a breath before she began moving her fingers. The music dropping slowly in light beats. She could feel Diana watching her so intensely that she missed her cue. Olivia kept playing.

“That was you.”

Diana blinked rapidly.

“I'm sorry. I just didn't know you could play so well.”

Olivia felt the burn in her cheeks spread to her ears at the compliment.

“How long have you been playing?”

Now her fingers paused, the sudden silence jarring after the rousing movement of the music.

“I don't play anymore.”

Diana gave her a quizzical look, her eyes clouding over.

“I stopped about a year ago, and my mother just hasn't found it in herself to sell the piano. She keeps hoping I'll come back to it.”

“And you won't? Come back to it, I mean?”

“No.”

“You sound so sure. Why? You're really very good.”

Olivia paused for a moment, turning her body toward Diana so she could see her eyes.

“It was the one thing I've ever had the nerve to tell my mother I didn't want to do anymore. And it was the lesser of all evils, really. If it hadn't been this, it would have been cheerleading. And let me tell you, if anyone thought she reacted badly to me giving up piano, the sun would have melted if I had given up cheerleading. So I chose this.”

“Do you ever miss it?”

Olivia wasn't used to people asking her questions or being curious about her. She'd known most of her friends so long that they didn't need to ask questions, and the rest of the student body assumed she was the person everyone wanted her to be. She nodded slowly.

“Sometimes, yeah. I do miss it. Sometimes when they're gone I'll come down here and play. But you know, when I was actively playing, it was for her. My mother. And other people. Like everything in my life is for other people. That's... why I chose to do the musical. Because I actually kind of wanted to.

Anyway, let's practice.” She began running her fingers over the keys again, the melody filling the room.

-----------------------------------

“No, no, no”, Olivia interjected, “There needs to be a longer pause at the very end, before that last 'I love him'. It adds dramatic effect.”

“Well it's not like I set the pace of the music!”

Olivia banged on the keys a bit and jumped from the bench to standing.

“I'm just giving a suggestion.” She fell into one of the armchairs. “I need a break.” She watched Diana slide off of the piano bench and fold her arms across her chest as she stood.

“Do you want me to go? I'd still like to work on your part. But if you want me to go.”

Her voice had softened along with her eyes, and Olivia was sure she could look into that softness for the rest of the night and be happy. She didn't need words or music.

“Sit down. Let's just give ourselves a moment.”

To her surprise, rather than lowering herself onto one of the couches, she dropped right next to Olivia, bumping her leg on her descent. Her head fell onto the back of the chair to match Olivia's and she turned her head to smile at her.

“Yeah, let's take a minute.”

The silence stood still between them for what seemed like hours, though it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. Olivia listened to the sound of Diana's breathing and felt her own lungs contract and release, breathing in happiness and breathing out bliss. She sat up suddenly and turned toward Diana, her face changing to seriousness.

“Can I ask you a question?”

Diana didn't change her posture but she nodded slightly.

“How were you able to talk with Mr. Payne so well today about homeless kids? You know, homeless gay kids? You seemed to know a lot and I just...”

“You want to know if I'm gay.”

Olivia's eyes grew wide, startled with the forwardness that Diana expressed herself with. She still wasn't used to the abrupt change of pace from the rest of her friends and family. Diana sighed and shrugged her shoulders and began to speak, Olivia interjecting.

“No, it's okay. I just wanted to know how you knew so much.”

“Well, I do research. But I also volunteer at The Rainbow Room downtown, it's a shelter for homeless kids whose parents have kicked them out because they didn't want a gay child.”

Olivia's breath felt paralyzed, immobile. She was equal parts astonished and in awe of the girl sitting in front of her and horrified at what she was being told. Of course she'd heard of it, she wasn't entirely naive. But to get close to it, to live your life with it like Diana was doing.

“That's really brave of you.”

Diana snorted in response.

“Hardly. I'm just doing the right thing.”

Olivia rolled her eyes, putting a finger to Diana's lips before lowering it quickly.

“Listen to me. You're brave, braver than I could ever hope to be. You know who you are. Don't you know how beautiful that is?”

Olivia had no idea what was fueling her bravery, allowing these words to come out. Diana leveled her brown eyes into Olivia's blue, a stare fixed with searching and wonder, wanting to know and knowing at once.

“You underestimate yourself, Liv.” Olivia's heart jumped at hearing her nickname come from those lips. “You're not like the rest of them, you know. I thought you were, but I might have been wrong.”

Olivia had no way to reply. The sound of breath filled the room again, the space between them feeling incredibly close and incredibly far at the same time. Olivia wanted to be close to her, but she was frozen staring into the shining, swimming eyes in front of her. The moment was suspended between them, dangling on a string as Diana's breath hitched in her throat. Her eyes followed the curve of Olivia's lips, her chin, her cheeks, and back to her lips. She swallowed hard as the space between them began to close. Olivia's eyes had closed. She could feel Diana's warm breath as it grew closer.

The xylophonic ring tone of Diana's phone made them both jump back, the bubble of the moment sharply burst, air rushing into Olivia's lungs. Diana scrambled her phone out of her back pocket, holding it up for Olivia to see. The name read simply, “Mama”. Diana lowered the phone and slid her thumb across the screen to answer, standing up as she did, Olivia's eyes fixing on a random point in the room and glazing over.

“Hi, mom. No, no. I'm fine. I told you I'd be awhile.”

Diana ducked into another room and closed the door behind her and Olivia's head fell again to the back of the chair.

She had just had an out of body experience, she was sure of it. And returning to her body and to her mind was as if she was being slapped repeatedly. What the hell was that? She was straight, she didn't kiss girls. She and Diana were just friends. Friends didn't touch each other's legs with fingers like feathers ribboned with electricity. Friends didn't kiss friends.

When the door opened and Diana reappeared, Olivia's face was set.

“I. I have to go. I'm sorry.”

She had never seen this look from Diana, either. She looked panicked, anxious. It didn't make any sense to Olivia and it made perfect sense and Olivia wondered if it was always going to be like this from now on, always a feeling and it's opposite intermingling with utter confusion and desperation. Instead of protesting, instead of asking her to stay like she so desperately wanted to, her head moved in a quick nod, the only words her mouth formed were a barely audible whisper.

“I'll see you at school.”

She didn't look up to Diana's face until she absolutely had to, and was surprised to find her looking almost apologetic. She started to open her mouth to say something and then seemed to rethink.

“Yeah, I'll see you at school.”

She turned on her heel and made her way up the stairs and Olivia wanted to scream after her, to run after her, wanted to do everything to make her stay and take her to her bedroom and finish what they started. But they were friends. There was nothing started and nothing to finish. Just friends. A friend who had just tried to kiss her. She felt her stomach turn, this time not with butterflies but with nausea. She, Olivia Grace Fisher, was not... well she wasn't that. And Diana Kwame was a nice girl, but that's it. That's it.

Chapter Text

The thing is , Diana thought to herself, Olivia and I aren’t even friends. Friends like each other. She’s an annoying spoiled rich girl and you’re… well you’re not better than that, per se. Just not cut out for…

“Di?” Georgia was smiling pleasantly with a severe look of expectation lingering in her eyes. Her red curls were piled high atop her head as she peered over the top of black plastic frames and flicked her pencil on the table in front of her friend. She gave a rather sycophantic smile and winked at her as Diana rolled her eyes.

“Sorry. I know I’m distracted today.”

“Bit of an understatement, babe.” Georgia was now scribbling furiously on the paper in front of her and continued to talk without looking back up. “I haven’t seen you this out of it in awhile. Are you doing okay with your meds?”

There was no pretense or judgement attached to that question, but Diana still sighed and plunked her chin into her hands, elbows resting on the high top laboratory table.

“That bad, eh?”

“I’ve just got a lot on my mind and I’m… not sure how to talk to you about it.”

“Me?!” Georgia’s tone was incredulous, her eyes wide. Diana was pretty sure she’d never expressed an inability to talk to her best friend about anything. But the single thought of mentioning Olivia’s name was placing a gnawing feeling of anxiety square in her gut.

She had been two stairs up her flight out of Olivia’s home when she’d realized she’d made a huge mistake, three steps out her door when she first contemplated going back and apologizing, halfway home when she’d pulled her phone out to call her and then thought better of it, and awake at three o’clock in the morning when she’d typed out a long text message that she’d never sent. Her lungs seized again with the memory of it all, the smell of Olivia’s shampoo and expensive perfume flooding her nostrils.

“DI. You’re doing it again.”

If the rest of the class hadn’t been talking at an equal volume, Diana would have been embarrassed with how loudly Georgia was trying to get her attention.

“Now what is this thing you can’t talk to me about?”

“That’s kind of the point, G.”

Georgia’s eyes narrowed again as she surveyed their shared paper, chewing on the side of her cheek as a nervous habit.

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain cheerleader, would it?”

Diana choked on air, snorting and spluttering before Georgia reached a hand up to unceremoniously give her back several thwacks, the deadpan look on her face never flinching.

“I thought it might”, she said simply. “Di, listen. I know you like to see the best in people, and that’s awesome. One of the reasons I love you so much. Just, be careful okay?”

“Yeah, we’ve had this talk before, G. You know where I stand.”

Georgia nodded her head, seeming resigned before offering a small smile to her friend.

“I’ve always got your back, yeah? Even when you go falling in lesbians with a cheerleader.”

She lowered her voice at the word “lesbians” and gave a wink, causing Diana to roll her eyes.

“It’s not that simple, either. I think I screwed it up. I just don’t think she feels the same way.”

“Oh trust me, she does.”

“Why do you say that?” Diana asked, barely above a whisper.

“Because she’s been walking around the school today like she saw Bambi’s mom get shot and strapped to the back of a van. So I take it something happened at your little rehearsal sesh last night.”

Shit.

Diana was flooded with concern for Olivia in an instant. If she was scared or if she didn’t know how to handle herself, her shark friends were certain to smell blood in the water. What would happen if Olivia thought she could confide in one of them? Diana knew better than that, she hoped Olivia did, as well. There was a plan formulating in her head, though. She had to talk to her. Her hand shot up in the air, Georgia’s eyebrows raising in bewilderment.

“I need to go to the restroom.”

“There’s less than ten minutes left in class, Ms. Kwame”, Ms. Watson began.

“It’s an emergency.” Georgia was looking at her now as though she had five heads, it wasn’t like Diana to skip out on class. Ms. Watson rolled her eyes and waved her hand, gesturing for her to go, and Diana had already scooped up her books and slung her backpack over her shoulder before Ms. Watson’s hand was back down on her desk.

Her first task was to stuff her belongings into her locker. She broke into a near sprint down the hallway. She didn’t have much time before the corridors would be flooded with the bodies of students pressing into each other in a rush to get their things sorted and on to their next class. She yanked the door of her locker open and haphazardly pushed her backpack into the open space before slamming her books onto the ledge near the top of the locker. The door slammed with a resounding metallic clang as she began her search for the janitor’s closet.

It seemed like something too far-fetched. The janitor’s closet. Like something out of a movie. All she knew was that Olivia walked by this closet every day and she needed to talk to her away from the prying eyes of her so-called friends.

She could hear the pulse beating loud in her ears before the period bell sounded, causing her to start and upend several rolls of toilet paper.

How romantic. I’m about to pour my heart out in a crammed space with bathroom supplies.

The crack in the door was barely enough to afford her the necessary sight to spot Olivia, but she’d know that hair anywhere by now, she was good at memorizing people quickly. It happened in an instant, a flash of strawberry blonde and Diana shot her hand out to grasp another hand and pull.

“OW WHAT THE HELL?!” Olivia protested as she was pulled into the small space. It took moments for her eyes to focus, her breathing labored and mouth poised to scream before she saw Diana standing in front of her.

“Were you walking with your friends?” Diana whispered.

“No”, Olivia retorted at full volume, “I’m pretty sure they’d have broken the door down or called the police by now if I had been.” Olivia had her arms folded tightly across her chest, a pinched look across her light features, her blue eyes shining with some sort of passion that rang with annoyance.

“What do you want?” She quipped, biting at the edge of her words.

Diana could see the clouds in her eyes. Her face was stony and set in a hard, unforgiving glare. It was nearly enough to make her falter, but she knew that she’d never forgive herself if she didn’t get this out.

“Okay, listen. We needed to talk. You’ve been avoiding me all day.”

“Not true. You’ve been avoiding me.”

Diana snorted a laugh.

“Hardly. I’ve been trying to talk to you all day, but it’s kind of hard to do with Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber hanging around like vultures.”

Olivia rolled her eyes, but her face began to soften noticeably.

“Funny. Usually people call them sharks.”

Diana's jaw set in a pleasant sort of square as she pondered her next words.

“True, but most people feel some social need to be afraid of them. I'm not afraid of them like they want me to be.”

She crossed her arms over her chest to keep herself steady in the small, cramped space. She could feel Olivia's breath tickling her face as she avoided leaning in closer.

“You would do good to be afraid of them, you know. They have no regard for people, they'll--”

“They'll what?”, Diana interjected, “they'll spread lies about me? Make up stories and hurl insults over things I'm not even going to be insulted about? Try to shame me for things that aren't shameful? I don't know if you've noticed, but they can't hurt someone who doesn't give a fuck about what people think of her.”

Olivia's blue eyes were wide, like a deer that had been innocently meandering a lonely street in the dark and then suddenly interrupted by some nosy humans with bright, flashing lights. She looked truly terrified, Diana decided. Her chest was heaving with the tension hanging thick in the moment.

“How… do you do that?!” Olivia's tone was demanding, imploring, almost desperate. “You really take it for granted that you don't have to care about what other people think.”

“You don't, either”, Diana interjected again.

“Like hell I don't. My parents are Ivy League educated, they both come from well established and respected families with long history in Maricopa County and back on the east coast. I have expectations of who I'm supposed to be, of what I'm supposed to be. I don't have the luxury of being…” Olivia fell silent at this. Her eyes shot down to the floor as they began to fill.

Diana couldn't hold herself back anymore, she leaned forward further into Olivia’s space, her voice gentle and low, but firm.

“The luxury of being what, Liv? Of being gay ?”

Olivia flinched at that, but Diana continued.

“Of liking girls? Of… of wanting to be with them? To be with me?”

Olivia looked up from the floor, her pale blue eyes becoming even more like an ocean as they swam with tears. There was an apology waiting on her face for Diana to read.

“I have to go.” Her voice was set in stone, concrete and unmovable. It wasn't a question and she wasn't asking for permission, but Diana had to try.

“Liv…” She whispered.

“No, listen to me” Olivia began, “I have to go. Now.”

Diana removed the arm that was blocking Olivia’s path to the door, a silent plea going up for her to turn around and make a move.

Well this is poetic justice, Diana thought as Olivia rushed out of the closet and back into the swarming throng of students in the hallway. The bell would be ringing for the next period soon. She had to go, too, she had to go about her day as if her head wasn't swimming inches above her shoulders, as if her ears weren't buzzing and her breath wasn't coming in gasps.

She had walked out on Olivia the night before and regretted it more than anything, and here she was the very next day being walked out on in turn. It was a cruel sort of irony, the bitterness of it all certainly wasn't lost on her as she slung her backpack around her shoulder and reintroduced herself to the stream of bodies pressing in from all sides.

She wanted to avoid the last hour of her day, Statistics class populated with all sorts of people she didn’t wish to make company with. Slipping out of the moving throng and into the quiet emptiness of one of the school’s bathrooms felt like a reprieve. She situated herself in a stall and took her phone out, scrolling through social media absentmindedly.

One quick glance over after being distracted, and her stomach dropped down to its bottom.

There, plastered across some person’s account, was an image she’d never forget. Sophia and Gigi and Eleanor, standing in their school gymnasium -obviously alone- Sophia with a faux-noose fashioned around her neck. Eleanor holding a sign with bright red lettering: “SUICIDE IS GOD’S WORK”. Gigi giving the middle finger carelessly. The caption of the photo simply reading: “No fags or dykes at my high school, thnx.”

She was going to throw up. The walls were closing in. She had to get out of here.

She found herself angling toward Mr. Styles’ empty classroom, propelled forward, down the hall and swerving to the left, always dodging the “shark pool” of the football players lockers and one final sharp left turn into the warm, inviting room that always smelled like vanilla candles and coffee beans and somehow seemed inviting even though it had brick block walls and hard topped desks just like any other classroom in this school.

“Ah, Ms. Kwame, I’m glad you decided to come”, Mr. Styles said in his smooth, rich baritone. With most other teachers, Diana would expect to face questions of what she was doing there, why she wasn’t where she belonged, but not with Mr. Styles. He greeted her as if she were meant to be exactly where she was. “I wanted to talk to you about auditions tonight”, he said softly as he passed by her desk. “We wanted to audition our pools for Marius, Cosette, and Eponine at the same time to get the right chemistry, so they might last a bit longer than expected.”

Diana simply looked up at him and nodded. He smiled and gave a firm nod in return.

Lovely , Diana thought. Another reason to run into the one person I don’t want to see.

She could spit venom. She never wanted to see her face again. She couldn’t believe she had trusted her.  

“Is there something else I can help you with?” She was cynical enough to turn down offers of help most of the time, but in this case she knew it came from nothing but good intention and so she paused for a moment before speaking.

“Would it… be okay if I sat here for the hour?”

A look of concern clouded Mr. Styles’ green eyes.

“Is everything okay?”

“No. But if I could just have some time…”

“Say no more”, Mr. Styles spoke abruptly. “I’ll send a note over Ms. Hadid right now. Just have a seat and make yourself comfortable.”

-----------------------------------------------------

The thunderous sounds of the pep rally faded soon enough. Diana refused to go, knowing that she was safe from any encounters with the people who had perpetrated the photograph, she wandered the halls before finally settling into the auditorium earlier than the auditions were scheduled to begin.

The school’s auditorium had been one of Diana’s favorite places since she first stepped foot in it’s darkened rows and backlit, soft-carpeted space. It was cavernous, with high ceilings that arched with acoustic beams for support and a large black stage with a dramatic dark red curtain. It was always cool in here, always quiet and calm. She couldn’t get enough of it.

Today, it was softly abuzz with the whispers and giggles of anxiously anticipatory teenagers. It was difficult to be raucous in this place, even for rowdy boys who usually didn’t know any better. Diana had a bet that boys involved in theatre always tended to be a bit more dignified and mature, but then every production there was always one or three who liked to prove her wrong.

“Okay, people. Take your seats so we can get started.”

Diana had expected Mr. Styles’ soft, calm voice so she was surprised to hear Mr. Tomlinson’s booming, authoritative one echoing out from upstage as he made his way toward them. She turned around to see the short, sharp man ambling toward the edge of the stage before deftly swinging himself down onto the ground.

“Where’s Mr. Styles?”, a voice called out. Mr. Tomlinson gave a wry smile.

“He’s been a bit delayed. But since I’m co-directing this production, he asked for us to get this show on the road without him. I’m sure he’ll be along as quick as he can.”

Mr. Tomlinson pushed a pair of square rimmed glasses back up his long nose and tossed his head to flick a piece of fringe out of his eyes. Diana supposed he was rather good looking, and she knew plenty of her fellow students agreed with her for all of the notes and whispered conversations that happened whenever he entered a room. But then again, the same was true for Mr. Styles.

“Okay, so first we figured we’d run through some scenes for our Marius. I’d like--”

But Mr. Tomlinson never got to finish describing what he’d like to do, as the auditorium doors burst open and a gaggle of squealing, skirt-clad girls fell into the sacred space talking in raised voices and singing dramatically.

Diana thought her eyes narrowed and her face turned down at the exact same time as Mr. Tomlinson. She rolled her eyes when she realized who the girls were-- cheerleaders. Because of course they were. At the center of them, in the same skirt and with the same mocking laughter dripping from her face was the person Diana had spent all of the afternoon dreading to see. Olivia threw her hair behind her as she swaggered forward from the crowd of them, pushing the other girls back through to the other side of the door and turning back around with an obviously faux face of apology.

“Sorry I’m late”, she smiled. No one seemed impressed, least of all Mr. Tomlinson.

“What an auspicious beginning, Ms. Fisher”, said Mr. Tomlinson, returning the sarcasm she had entered with. She gave a mocking two fingered salute from her brow before stumbling into a seat near the back. “Now, as I was saying…”

Yet again, there was another crashing interruption, this time from the back of the stage as Mr. Styles emerged looking flustered and rumpled, his long hair flying out of its usual bun and his tie undone. Mr. Tomlinson looked as though he was barely containing rage or laughter or perhaps both, Diana couldn’t decide.

“For Christ’s sake, Har--- MR. STYLES. We’re trying to get started here!”

Mr. Styles slid into a space next to Mr. Tomlinson, fixing his tie with fumbling fingers as he spoke.

“So sorry for my tardiness. It’s not my typical modus operandi, as you all well know. So where were we?”

“Marius Pontmercy”, Mr. Tomlinson practically hissed.

“Right! Excellent! So those of you we’ve got here reading for the role of Marius will need to remember….”

Diana never really registered what it was those auditioning for the role of Marius needed to remember. Mr. Styles’ soft voice faded around her as her mind wandered and her eyes continued to try and reach around her shoulder to sneak glances at the girl behind her. She felt that if she were able to inconspicuously turn and look, she would unwillingly meet with another pair of eyes that were currently burning a hole in the back of her skull. She could feel them the same way she could feel her weight in the chair beneath her.

Their presence in the same room felt different now, marred by some sort of knowledge. Instinctively, Diana knew that Olivia knew exactly what had been done, and a million angry questions began rising to the surface like bile as she scribbled dark squares in her sketchbook to distract herself.

She heard a slight clearing of a throat from behind her and her chest tightened.

“Yes, Ms. Fisher?” Mr. Styles said, ever so pleasantly.

“Sorry Mr. Styles, but actually can we go through Cosette first? The game, you know.”

Diana wanted to spin around and tell her to shut the fuck up. She wanted to bitterly and aggressively remind her that the entire world didn’t revolve around her and her every whim and wish. It took all she had in her to remain quiet.

Mr. Tomlinson seemed to echo similar sentiment with his facial expressions and it provided Diana with a little comfort. She watched him give Mr. Styles a pleading look and then watched the taller man give the most miniscule jerk of his head in response.

“Very well, let’s run through our lovely group auditioning for the role of Cosette first. And Ms. Fisher, so as to make sure you’re not late for your prior engagement, let’s run through your audition piece.”

Diana felt her eyes involuntarily roll to the back of her skull as she let out a little noise of disgust. Olivia’s gaze flicked to her for the whisper of a moment before setting themselves intently on Mr. Styles’ face and smiling nearly sycophantically.

“Your consideration for those of us with a spread of extracurricular activities is appreciated, Mr. Styles.”

Diana could swear she saw Mr. Tomlinson roll his eyes ever so slightly.

Mr. Styles smiled kindly with closed lips and continued,

“For our fabulous group auditioning for Cosette, we asked that you perform In My Life, which is of course one of Cosette’s defining moments as an adult throughout the show. She realizes she’s in love with Marius and that she will do anything, including defy her father and his wishes, to be with him.”

Olivia was bounding onto the stage, practically cutting Mr. Styles off at the quick before he could finish. Diana couldn’t put her finger on it exactly, but something about her was different-- there was a desperation in her posture and the tone of her voice that had her feeling uneasy observing her.

Of course she’s uneasy, Diana thought, she’s basically just participated in a hate crime.

Mr. Tomlinson sat at the piano with one eyebrow sarcastically arched, obviously taking note of Olivia’s unease. His fingers hovered over the keys, waiting for the cue from Mr. Styles. Olivia was looking down at a music stand now, shifting her feet and adjusting the tiny cheer skirt. Diana felt like she could maybe make her explode telepathically by how intense her stare was. It occurred to her she’d never heard Olivia sing before.

This ought to be good.

Mr. Styles gave a subtle nod and Mr. Tomlinson’s finger dropped to one solitary key to give Olivia her note.

Delicately, Olivia began her narrative singing. All on one pitch, but clear and honest. Diana’s jaw dropped noticeably open as she watched the girl on the stage in front of her transform. As Mr. Tomlinson’s fingers dropped once again and began drifting lightly over the keys, Olivia’s voice floated above the melody of the piano. Her voice was clear like ringing bells, singing of unclear things and a world longing to be known.

Olivia’s body moved with the notes, her arms and hands naturally gesticulating and her face rising and falling in all of the right places-- asking questions that were desperate for answers, the sweetness of her notes clashing beautifully with the sadness expressed there.

Diana was floored.

Her expressiveness only grew as Mr. Styles joined her for Valjean’s part. Her face was glorious, and though the hard edge of anger still poked at Diana’s insides, she began to flood with questions and doubts. Surely the girl moving onstage could not have been a part of what she had seen. This was a different girl, a different Olivia. Diana wanted nothing more than to know her.

Her voice burst forth as she began to sing, “I’m no longer a child and I yearn for the truth that you know”. Diana wasn’t a crier by nature, but hot tears began to prick at the inner corner of her eyes.

Not the time, not the place, she thought dutifully.

---------------------------------------------------------

Diana’s audition had gone about as well as she’d expected. On My Own was such a powerful song, but she wasn’t afraid of it. She’d rehearsed several times in her bedroom and for her mother and Georgia, and each time she’d been more satisfied with how she tenaciously tackled such a mountain of a song.

Mr. Styles and Mr. Tomlinson had both smiled as she’d finished, Mr. Tomlinson providing a sly wink from his darkened corner behind the piano. She hadn’t meant to, but she may have puffed out her chest just slightly as she’d walked down the steps of the stage.

“Thank you, thank you all”, Mr. Styles said from the stage. “What a lovely round of auditions. Mr. Tomlinson and I will be taking the time to think carefully and considerately over them. Callback list will be posted both on your student portal and our individual classroom doors Monday by lunch time. If you receive a callback, please come prepared to sing duet or chorus pieces on the part we’ve asked for. Have a good evening, and stay safe tonight!”

Students began to file out of the auditorium door closest to the parking lot to head to the football stadium early, and Diana chose to go the opposite route out of the door that lead back into the school hallway in the Arts wing. Georgia was somewhere in one of their expansive art studios no doubt elbow deep in oil paints.

As Diana made her way through the hall, someone in her periphery caught her eye. She turned to peer into the choir room, with its high ceilings and black plastic chairs arranged semicircle around a piano. Sat behind that piano was Olivia, her head down and her fingers plunking various keys to make no discernible melody. Diana cleared her throat and Olivia’s head snapped up.

“Oh. Um.”

Diana continued to stare at her, unforgiving. Olivia’s expression wasn’t mean or hostile, it seemed more like the other common expression Diana knew could cross her face: frightened animal. Afraid of what Diana was going to say, afraid of her anger.

So then she did know.

“What are you doing here?” Diana asked, attempting to keep her tone neutral.

Olivia waited what seemed forever before she answered, never looking up from the keys where her fingers rested. Finally, her answer came on a murmured whisper.

“Getting away.”

“Away?”

“Yes. Away. I don’t get many moments to myself.”

Diana snorted lightly. “They can’t leave you to yourself. Then you might actually start thinking for yourself and being independent.”

Olivia looked up again and this time, her expression was pained. The way her eyes crinkled at the outer edges and her mouth turned down, slightly open, it was disarming and Diana felt something in her resolve start to crack.

“I don’t know what to do.”

Diana approached and shooed her over slightly as she settled down on the bench next to her. They sat in silence for a moment, Diana staring ahead.

I am in way too deep here.

“You knew what they were going to do, didn’t you?” Diana asked the question straight ahead of her, mostly to the lifted lid of the piano.

Olivia inhaled sharply and turned to Diana with pleading posture.

“No, not beforehand. Please believe me when I say that. I didn’t know until they’d already done it and had the pictures on their phone.”

Once again, Diana found herself balancing on a razor’s edge. Everything about this girl was danger and heartache, she knew nothing good could come of the impossible connection they had seemed to forge. And yet as she sat there next to her, watching her shoulders vibrate from the fear and tension and anticipation, everything in her screamed to move closer, to fall into her with trust she didn’t know she was capable of. Against her own mind, she wanted to give this girl the safety and the rest she seemed to so desperately need.

And so in spite of herself, she felt the gap between them begin to close. She could practically hear Olivia’s heart racing, her breath coming in shallow gasps as her chest heaved beneath her shirt. Diana had been here once before, only this time no one’s phone was going to sound. This time, there would be no excuse to turn and run away from what felt entirely inevitable.

She remained steady and focused as she felt their lips press together and their body warmths collide. Olivia was still trembling, her lips tentative over top of Diana’s as her hand wound around the middle of Diana’s back to rest there. Everything Diana had read about-- the fireworks and the sparks and all of the analogies to fire and electricity, it didn’t seem to accurately describe what happened the longer her lips rested on Olivia’s.

This was that thing people spent their whole lives looking for.

Olivia was the first to pull away. Diana knew she would be. They pressed their foreheads together, eyes closed, trying to hold on to the moment.

“I don’t want to go”, Olivia whispered. She sat back from Diana’s face and her eyes popped open, expression clearing of its wistfulness. “I don’t understand what it is about you.”

Diana gave a sardonic smile, almost like a grimace.

“I appreciate that”, she chuckled.

“No!”, Olivia hurried, “No, no, that’s not what I meant. I know what it is about you. You’re strong and independent and free thinking and also… you’re hot. Like, really hot.”

Diana’s stomach twisted like a wet towel being rung out. Hot?! Me?! She thinks I’m…

“Hot, huh?”

Olivia looked up at her through thick lashes and bit her lip just slightly.

“I hope you don’t mind me saying so. I know it’s kind of-- what’s the word I’m looking for?”

“I definitely do not mind. At all. Truth is, I think you’re beautiful. I always have, but you know. I have a reputation to protect.”

It was Olivia’s turn to chuckle now, an edge of bitter irony to the laugh that issued from her.

“Yeah, those reputations will get you every time.”

Silence fell between them now, both of them staring down the piano in front of them and sneaking sidelong glances at each other every so often to make sure the other wasn’t panicking, wasn’t going to rush to leave in a flurry of emotions.

“I do… have to go”, Olivia finally whispered.

“I know”, Diana whispered in return. Olivia twisted her hips to turn her full body in Diana’s direction.

“This is unsafe for both of us. You know it, I know it. It doesn’t mean I don’t want it, though.” It was unlike Olivia to be so direct.

She must really be serious about this, Diana thought.

“So we find ways to see each other. I know you said you don’t get a lot of time to yourself but there must be some time in there. Maybe I’ll take up running as a hobby.”

Olivia snorted. “The girl who got out of every year of P.E. because of ‘weak elbows’?”

“Hey!”, Diana laughed. “I do have weak elbows!”

Olivia was nearly bent double over the piano laughing now as Diana gave her a playful shove. “Also, how do you know that?”

“I have my ways. Anyway…”

“Anyway…?”

Olivia’s face grew solemn again. “I’ll make time to see you”, she started in again, “I don’t really care what excuses I have to give. I’ll make up a gym class I’m coaching or a volunteer spot I’m doing. Whatever, we’ll figure it out. But I have to go tonight. And there’s a party afterward, I have to at least make an appearance.”

Diana nodded. “Can’t not go to a party, after all”, she winked. “Maybe I could go.”

Olivia’s eyes brightened. “The whole school will basically be there, I don’t think they’d give you any trouble. We could… maybe find some time together.”

There was that feeling in her gut again. Only this was more peculiar, more like a hook behind her navel, an urgent need to kiss Olivia again and to take as much time as she needed.

“Don’t think they’d give me any trouble? What a glowing endorsement for your friends.”

Olivia’s face fell a bit. Why am I like this?, Diana thought.

“Look, can we not-- do that? Right now? There’s a lot we’re going to have to figure out, but I kind of want to stay in this moment where anything feels possible for as long as I can.”

“I’m sorry”, Diana began, “I really don’t mean to be like that. Sarcasm is a hard defense to drop and all.”

Olivia leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, brushing a curly wisp of blue-ended hair back behind her ear. New sparks erupted in the place where her lips ghosted between cheekbone and jawbone.

“I have to go now. But I hope I’ll see you tonight. Come find me.”

“I’ll come find you.” Diana watched as Olivia stood up, worked her way around the piano bench, and walked out of the room with long, languid motions in her hips and legs. The hook behind her navel tugged again as she watched her leave.

I really am in way, way too deep here.

Chapter Text

The phrase “walking on air” had never made so much sense to Olivia before. Her steps felt light and buoyant, filled with the bliss of having kissed not just any girl, but that girl. A girl who put butterflies in her stomach. Maybe the butterflies had traveled down to her feet. If she thought about it too much, there were worms that started to chew on her insides, a sinking feeling that went right along with it, and nerves shooting like firecrackers with excitement and terror from head to toe.

She, Olivia Grace Fisher, had just kissed a girl. And not just any girl, that girl.

Diana.

Everything had changed in a matter of days. It was as if she had woken after a long, exhausting dream and trying to maneuver through dream world with her eyes open was going to be… tricky.

“Liv!”

Her stomach tightened as a reflex response to that voice. Obstacle number one, she thought. Sophia. Arranging her face in the best version of nonchalance she could muster, she turned on her heel to face her best friend.

“Where have you been?”

Sophia seemed noncommittal in her question as she scrolled through her phone and walked at the same time, her tone its ever present state of bored and annoyed.

“Just catching up on some homework before the game”, Olivia lied quickly. “Are you headed out to the track?”

Sophia nodded slightly as she shot a lightning fast text message and finally looked over to make eye contact.

“Gotta stay perfect, am I right?”

Olivia huffed a breath with a small shrug, “I guess I try.”

“Yeah well… hey, did you see who’s gonna be there tonight?”

Olivia assumed she was talking about the party at her boyfriend Tanner’s home. If she was being honest, Olivia didn’t care at all who would be there, it was always the same people. She shrugged as a response, and Sophia gave a smile reminiscent of a cat who’d finally captured the canary.

“Tanner’s older brother is bringing a bunch of his friends from college. And there’s this guy named Lake. Last time he was there he saw your picture in my room and specifically asked who you were!”

Olivia’s stomach might as well be digging a hole to the center of the earth. Sophia’s words were like some sort of floodgate. Who did she think she was kidding? In one world, she could kiss a girl. (That made the wires in her limbs start to spark again, just the thought). But in this world, she had a life that was mapped out.

In this world, she had to be interested in Lake (his name was Lake) and what she assumed was his muscular, masculine frame. She would have to laugh at his stupid jokes and not roll her eyes at his dumb attempts at flirting and pretend to be flattered that a boy two or three years older than her would dare to pay attention to her.

In the dominant part of her life, Olivia Fisher was a straight girl.

In parentless basements and empty choir rooms, Olivia Fisher was a gay girl.

Her throat went dry at the thought of that word. Sophia was starting to give her a funny look.

“Wow that’s awesome”, she managed to croak out with a weak but passable attempt at a smile. Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes, but she wouldn’t let them invade her cheeks.

This was how it had to be. Surely Diana would understand.

More than anything, the rapid pace with which these changes in her mood and mentality were occurring were frightening to her. She had always been able to count on herself to be mostly even-keeled if not easily annoyed, and the sense that her mooring was beginning to slip out of place was the most unsettling part of this whole thing. She realized that she should perhaps be more unsettled by the fact that she was kissing girls, but this fact didn’t seem to cause the same sort of panic unless it floated to the surface, so she held it close to herself. Kissing was the good part; the blissful, untarnished part.

She wanted to keep it that way.

--------------------------

Mercifully, Sophia didn’t have much more to say before they finally made it to the football field. The track asphalt was springy under Olivia’s athletic shoes, warmed through by the late afternoon sun. The football players were warming up and running drills on one end of the field while the cheerleaders sat down at the other end -on Coach Lahey’s orders- in the bleachers.

People were beginning to arrive, and Olivia swiveled her head to see the opposing team and their own cheerleaders pouring out of the same old large yellow bus, athletic bags slung over every single shoulder. She was so thankful this week was homecoming, road games were exhausting between the travel and all of the socializing. Not that there wasn’t plenty of social performance she had to do at home games, especially on a night like this. She’d refused to be nominated for homecoming court this year, much to her mother’s chagrin. She’d been nominated for the past three years, and won last year during their junior year. She told her mother it would be nice to give Sophia a shot, and her mother reluctantly agreed.

Her eyes scanned the bleachers as she worked her way toward the pack of short skirts and hair bows that were applying glitter appliques to one another’s cheeks. There, near the top was Mr. Styles sitting next to Mr. Tomlinson. The more she thought about it, the more she wondered if they were best friends outside of school, they seemed to spend a lot of their time together. Of course, it would be nothing new to have best friend teachers, Mr. Payne was incredibly close with the art teacher, Mr. Malik even though the two couldn’t be more different. Mr. Styles caught her eye and waved with a smile. She waved back before Sophia cleared her throat behind her.

“Liv, you need to stop staring and waving and get these stickers on so we can go warm up. You have the cheer signs out there already, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I--”

She was going to say she’d put them out there. She was going to turn around and go back to being a cheerleader. As her eyes moved from Mr. Styles and Mr. Tomlinson, she saw a flash of curly red hair and sitting right next to it, blue tips and headphones.

Diana was here.

At the same time Olivia’s heart threatened to jump out of her chest, her throat felt as though there were iron fists closing around it. The girl in the stands, chatting happily and animatedly to her best friend, made her weak in the knees. The girl paused from her conversation and caught Olivia’s gaze, offering a small smile and a wink. Olivia couldn’t help it, she smiled back. While she was doing so, her brain thanked whatever god existed that her “best friend” had run up ahead.

---

The game went the way everyone expected it to, the football team retaining their perfect winning streak and Sophia and Tanner being named homecoming king and queen. Olivia knew for a fact the ballot box had been stacked for that outcome, but then it had been stacked when she won the year prior and pretty much every year beforehand, more than likely.

Ends of games were always flurries of activity and laughter and shouting, she missed Diana in the sea swell of people from her place down on the track pretending to laugh at one of Eleanor’s boyfriends stupid puns. By the time she finally had a moment to let her eyes move back to the spot she had memorized, Diana and Georgia were gone. She’d been glancing over during the entire game, always popping a crooked smile whenever their eyes caught. No one else had managed to catch on, thankfully, but it had been a fun little game to play as she went through the standard and frankly boring football cheers.

Before she knew it, she was in the back of Gigi’s car, the slick leather interior doing her no favors as she attempted to shimmy into clothes other than her cheer uniform with Sophia and Eleanor laughing hysterically and passing a cigarette back and forth.

“Roll the window down further!”, Gigi shrieked, “My mother will have a coronary if she smells smoke in here!”

Sophia’s eyes rolled as Eleanor blew smoke in Gigi’s face and the wind stung Olivia’s eyes and face.

Olivia shook her head as fresh cigarette smoke wisped and curled around her, hurried away quickly out of the open window. Tying the shoelaces to her beat up old Converse wasn’t easy in a moving car, but she was determined to wear them and be a bit rebellious.

“Those shoes are hideous”, Sophia sneered predictably in a half yell of a voice.

“Stuff it”, Olivia retorted, pulling rank, “they’re comfortable and that’s all I care about.”

They pulled off of the highway and onto a winding road, music bumping through the speakers and Olivia thought of all of the adults in the homes they were passing who would roll their eyes, shake their heads, mutter something about “stupid kids” and roll over to go back to sleep. That sort of monotony or quiet seemed appealing in this moment-- a moment she’d rather be spending with Diana.

Tanner’s house was down a long private drive, back in the woods and the perfect place for a party. Even louder music thumped from the well lit house as people poured out of cars and the sounds of mixed conversations and raucous laughter could be heard. The familiar scent of a million different colognes mixed with marijuana and cigarette smoke greeted Olivia as she stepped out of the car.

It wasn’t too long after she and her friend had walked through the front door that the first red Solo cup was in Olivia’s hand, filled with something sweet but potent. There were too many people in these rooms, pressing in from all sides. Sophia had grabbed her hand and was leading her somewhere and the only thing she could do was follow helplessly.

They reached a spot in the living room where Tanner stood, tall and muscular but still lean with buzzed hair, a tan, and a letterman jacket, the picture of All American. He was from a prominent family, and Olivia’s mother was always fawning over him, exclaiming how happy she would be if Olivia could “land a wonderful guy like that”. He was also remarkably crass and dull with the personality of a piece of white toast that had been soaked in water. Olivia secretly hated him.

Standing next to him was an even taller boy, struggling facial hair sprouting around his mouth and jawline, hair a bit longer but still expertly coiffed. He was even more muscular than Tanner and had lost much of the boyish lankiness his conversation partner still had. The other difference was the absence of a letterman’s jacket, this boy was dressed rather simply in a light green V-Neck tee and khaki cargo shorts.

This must be Lake.

“Hey babe!”, Sophia exclaimed as she rushed to Tanner’s side. He looked only marginally less bored as he lowered his head to kiss her, a hand instinctively placing itself possessively on her lower back.

“You should introduce Olivia here to your friend”, Sophia said with a not-so-subtle wink. Olivia was hoping the floor would fall into a fresh sinkhole and swallow her up along with it. For his part, the boy boldly stuck out his hand.

“Lake Johnson, nice to meet you.”

“Olivia Fisher, and you too.”

Sophia’s eyes narrowed.

“You two have a lot in common, you know!”

Lake’s impeccably groomed eyebrow shot up at that.

“Yeah,” Sophia went on, Olivia begging her psychically to stop talking, “Olivia your favorite animal is a dolphin and Lake here is in college to be a marine biologist! Isn’t that crazy?!”

“Crazy indeed”, Lake said softly. If Olivia didn’t know what Sophia’s intentions were here, she might almost enjoy Lake’s obvious sardonicism.

“Are you looking to study dolphins with your degree?”, Olivia asked in an effort to maintain some outward appearance of interest.

“Orcas”, Lake shrugged, “I went whale watching with my grandpa when I was a kid and it kinda stuck with me.”

“Oh wow, that’s such a cute story!”, Sophia said shrilly. Olivia winced and noticed Lake doing the same.

“Will you excuse me? I need to find a restroom.”

“Downstairs off of my room”, Tanner offered helpfully.

Olivia handed her cup to a frowning Sophia and turned without a glance back even though she could feel three pairs of eyes burning into her back as she sifted her way through a moving and dancing and chattering mess of bodies.

She made her way down the stairs and noticed it was markedly quieter down here with less people. She liked it already. As she moved toward what she knew to be Tanner’s room, the sharp odor of marijuana stung her eyes and she looked to her left to see a shock of curly red hair sitting in a circle.

Georgia, Olivia thought.

She approached the girl who looked startled by her sudden appearance.

“Hey, is Diana here with you?”

“Ummm…”, Georgia began slowly. Okay, so she was stoned then. Cool. “Yeah, she’s here. Over in that bedroom, I think?”

Olivia turned in the direction of Georgia’s finger and realized she was pointing at Tanner’s bedroom.

Excellent.

Her feet couldn’t carry her to the door fast enough. She twisted the knob and found the room dark. Odd. She flipped the switch and immediately heard a little yelp. There was Diana, lying on the bed.

“What are you doing here?”, Olivia asked somewhat more forcefully than she would have liked.

“It’s nice to see you too, dear ”, Diana responded pointedly. Olivia had to smile as she plopped down on the bed. “So--”,

“Shh. Be quiet.”, Olivia said firmly as she clamped her hands on the other girls shoulder. Diana’s eyes bugged and then closed euphorically as Olivia pressed their lips together again, aggression and desperation underlying her actions. Olivia pulled back after a moment.

“Okay, good. At least I know it wasn’t a one-off.”

“A one-off?”, Diana asked slyly.

“You can’t blame me for being a little taken aback about kissing you making me feel the way it does”, Olivia said as she stood and walked over to the door.

“Leaving so soon?”, Diana asked. This girls sarcasm was going to be Olivia’s death.

Rather than twisting the doorknob though, Olivia clicked the lock on the handle to the locked position. Diana’s eyebrow arched.

“Oh.” Diana leaned back on the bed as Olivia rejoined her.

“I just want some privacy.”

“You’re scared someone will walk in on us.”

There was a long pause while Olivia considered how to respond.

“Yes”, she half whispered. There was no point in trying to bullshit the girl sitting in front of her. It wouldn’t do any good, because this girl could see through all of it even when Olivia didn’t know how. So she waited for the disappointed response.

Instead, she felt Diana close the gap between them and place a hand on her thigh, electricity surging through her leg and to other places she dared not think of just yet. Diana was still moving in to press another kiss to her lips, that hand continuing to be firmly lodged on her thigh even as she moved. Olivia felt grounded, reassured, and calm without Diana speaking a word.

“It’s okay to be afraid, you know”, Diana whispered as she pulled away. “I can’t imagine what you’re up against. I just know. I know I want to be with you, whatever that means.”

Olivia twisted one of her curls around her finger as she studied the girls lips. They were perfect lips, pink and pillowy soft. She had to focus, she could feel Diana watching her stare, but it was hard to do when those lips called to her.

“I wore different shoes tonight”, Olivia said softly. Diana gave a look as though she didn’t know what to say.

“What?”

“I said, I wore different shoes. Converse. You know, like, rebellious shoes I guess. But they’re comfortable and they fit me better than any of my other shoes. And I just think… maybe I could be a little rebellious if it means I could be with you. I want to be with you, too. Only--”

“I know”, Diana interjected. “I know it’s not safe for us to… yeah, I know. I can play along.”

“Really?”, Olivia finally met the other girls eyes hopefully.

“If it means being with you, I could play along with just about anything.”

If Olivia’s heart could burst out of her chest, it would have. This beautiful girl with the twisted curls, the perfect lips, she would do something like this for her, a girl who had even earlier this same day acted like a total jerk. She slowly placed a hand over the fingers that were still firmly pressed into her thigh and Diana lifted her eyes to meet Olivia’s as she intertwined their fingers.

“This is nice”, Diana whispered.

“You and me from now on, yeah?”, Olivia asked tentatively.

“From now on. You and me.”

-------Three Months Later-------

The winds of winter brought with them leggings and cardigan sweaters and intense rehearsals for the school musical. Olivia laid across black plastic chairs in the choir room waiting for the next one to start; they had reached that glorious time of year when football cheer had ended and competition cheer hadn’t yet begun, so the reprieve from Coach Lahey was welcome as she found more time to sneak into rehearsal rooms and broom closets with Diana.

To be fair, it wasn’t always sneaking around. There were plenty of days Olivia spent what little free time she had at Diana’s house after school. Diana’s mother had a working knowledge of the situation with very little background detail, and the two girls had convinced her it was for the best. Most people in the community knew who Olivia’s mother was.

“I figured I’d find you here”, came Olivia’s favorite voice in the world. Her face cracked into a grin as she sat up, blond hair falling all around her shoulders and into her face. The blessings of a reprieve from cheer meant wearing her hair loose more often, the way Diana said she loved it best.

The girl standing in front of her glanced around before bending at the waist to plant a small pack on her lips, Olivia’s eyes closing for the kiss and then popping back open again.

“Christmas break starts next week…” Diana sounded as if there were a point to make lingering in her mind, but she had trailed off nonetheless. Olivia stared at her expectantly for a few moments, watching her eyes shift out of focus and her mouth quirk itself into its little half frown. The cutest half frown.

“I…. know that…?”, Olivia giggled as she watched Diana snap back to attention.

“Sorry! I wanted to mention it because I know we won’t be able to see each other much, but I thought maybe we might be able to sneak in a few things here and there.”

If Olivia were the gambling type, she would bet whole dollars that Diana was thinking over the rigorous holiday schedule Olivia had put in front of her just days earlier. It detailed the next three weeks worth of parties and meaningless galas where everyone would be in black tie. This was the time of year rich people loved to show their wealth, and among their most prized possessions were their children, rapidly becoming adults and caving to the immense pressures to give their parents boasting rights at every private society event.

It was enough to make anyone’s eyes glaze over.

“Every free moment I have will be yours”, Olivia tried to promise. Her pinky finger was twisted around Diana’s now, but a sudden banging noise from the hall sent them skittering apart like startled cats. Chaotically, Mr. Tomlinson worked his way into the room, arms overflowing with what appeared to be costume material.

For his part, Olivia had suspected he’d more or less gathered the situation between Diana and herself, but he always acted innocent and oblivious. This time was no exception, as he offered a perfectly naive smile and playfully rolled his eyes.

“These damn costumes are so heavy, I can never carry as many of them at a time as I’d like. Give me a hand, Diana?”

“Oh. Sure!”, Diana made a move to begin taking garments out of his arms, but a booming voice stopped all of them. Mr. Styles wasn’t always loud -no where near as loud as his constant companion Mr. Tomlinson- but when he decided to be, he certainly could project.

“Now I know”, Mr. Styles began pulling garment after garment into his expansive arms, “that encouraging students to do your bidding is your favorite thing to do. But you really should be leaving them to rehearse.”

Mr. Tomlinson rolled his eyes as he snatched a petticoat and a vest back from Mr. Styles indignantly.

“They’re not even rehearsing right now, so nice try.”

The two turned to walk to the large dressing room that was attached to the choir room, their backs to Diana and Olivia. Mr. Styles jolted his leg up in a contortion to place a firm thwack on Mr. Tomlinson’s backside and then swiveled his head around to wink at the girls.

Olivia hid her laugh with her hand as Mr. Tomlinson let out a yelp.

“Why’ve you done that?”

“You provoked me”, Mr. Styles started as the two disappeared into the room and the door slammed behind them.

“They’re too much”, Diana laughed.

“Their friendship is honestly the best”, Olivia said lightheartedly, positioning herself on a choir chair properly this time.

“Friendship?”, Diana asked with an amused tone.

“...Yes?”

This time Diana cackled, not even just a laugh. She plopped down next to Olivia and swung her legs up on her girlfriend’s lap.

“They’re not friends, Liv.”

Diana was looking at her expectantly, as if she was waiting for something to register. Olivia was overwhelmingly confused, knowing there was something she wasn’t getting and that Diana wanted her to grasp. She hated feeling dumb or out of touch. Suddenly, it was as if she could hear puzzle pieces audibly snapping into place to fit together perfectly.

They’re always together.

“Oh.”

There wasn’t enough time for the thought to fully register, though, because the sounds of students voice from the hallways had Diana’s legs moving faster than lightning, springing back from Olivia as if she’d been burned or electrified in some way.

Olivia breathed a sigh of relief when she realized it was Georgia flanked by two other boys she recognized from the tech crew of the show. She didn’t know their names, but she knew if they were with Georgia then they were safe. She could see the visible relief on Diana’s face, as well.

“You scared the shit out of me”, she heard Diana pant.

Georgia’s eyes lazily moved from examining Diana to examining Olivia and then back to Diana. Much like Diana’s mother, her best friend had a general working knowledge of the situation. Olivia could tell the girl was distrustful of her, though, and while she couldn’t say she blamed her, it also felt awful every time she came under her scrutiny merely by being in her presence.

“We need you in the auditorium to rehearse the battle scene”, one of the boys said, looking at Diana.

Diana glanced over at Olivia as if to ask if she were okay. Olivia offered a weak smile in response and a slight nod as she watched her girlfriend get up to leave the room with the two boys in tow, Georgia turning and making to leave with them.

“Hey Georgia”, Oliva started bravely, “can I talk to you for a minute?”

Georgia spun back around and stared at her. Olivia didn’t know if she meant to always seem as though she were leveling an accusation against her, but that’s always how she felt around her nonetheless. Still, this conversation needed to be had so she swallowed the dryness in her throat and blundered forward.

“Um. I just… wanted to talk, I guess. I know you know there’s… something going on with Diana and I.”

Georgia smiled with false naivete that was even more frightening than her accusational stares.

“Something going on? I’m not sure I know what you mean.”

Olivia knew this game, Sophia played it all of the time. She wanted her to say it and be blunt rather than beating around the bush and she was going to play dumb until Olivia gave her what she wanted. Comparing her to Sophia was probably not a great place to start.

“Diana and I, we’re… well, you know. We’re… dating .”

Immediately, Georgia’s face went from feigned ignorance to a pinched sort of look that Olivia could tell meant she was not a fan of the words that had just come out of Olivia’s mouth. Georgia’s body went rigid as she took two steps closer to her, leaning in and lowering her voice a bit to prepare to say what she needed to say.

“Look. I know what’s going on. I’ve known Diana wasn’t straight forever, I’m not straight myself. I also know that I don’t particularly care for you. I’m being nice when I say it that way, you understand?”

Olivia thought the floor might open and swallow her whole, sinking into a black pit of earth would be easier than this, but Georgia continued.

“What I don’t exactly know is how you’ve gotten her to believe you’re a good person. You and I both know that’s not true--”

“Wait a minute”, Olivia heard her voice say firmly, “that’s not fair.”

Georgia pulled her head backward, looking dumbstruck.

“That’s not fair?”

“No, it’s not. You don’t know me at all or the person I am or the person that I want to be or how I feel about her. You don’t. You don’t know that I’ve been trapped inside this life everyone wants for me and that she’s the only good thing in it. You don’t know that people think I have everything and that I’m some mean, spoiled little cheerleader who doesn’t care about other people but I care about her. I love her, you idiot .”

The world moved very quickly after the words had slid their way out of Olivia’s mouth. She didn’t have time to register Georgia’s reaction before her ears registered Mr. Styles’ loud, booming voice again. Suddenly, doors opened from three ways and Mr. Styles, Diana, and Sophia were all standing in the room with Georgia and herself. Olivia didn’t know which face to land on first, she felt as though she were in one of those dreams where you’re naked in front of a crowd and then you wake up, only there was no waking up.

Her eyes skipped over Diana’s face and settled on Sophia, whose expression seemed oddly neutral.

What if she heard me say that?

Sophia cleared her throat.

“Coach L. wanted me to come find you. She said she wanted to talk.”

Olivia’s mind was racing. She had to keep her eyes fixed on Sophia, but she desperately wanted to absorb Diana’s energy. She wondered what Diana had heard, what Sophia had heard, how she would figure out either, and what that moment of stupid vulnerability and honesty would mean for her. It was too much thought and emotion for these brief moments to contain.

“Right. Let’s go.”

It took everything she had not to subtly bid Diana goodbye, but the atmosphere was a string pulled too taut, and if she plucked it in any way, it was going to snap. Every muscle in her body felt abuzz with energy again, this tension something she’d been avoiding for a solid three months, thinking the bubble she’d waved over her and Diana was an impenetrable fortress. Keeping her composure felt impossible, but she was managing.

“So”, Sophia began casually, “what were you doing in a room with Fire Crotch?”

“Georgia?”

It was pointed, and Olivia knew she was juggling torches by being snarky, but she couldn’t help it. Loathing for the person who had once slept at her house for a month while her parents were in Switzerland, the person who had been there when she’d gotten her period, the person who’d known about her father’s drinking and kept it a secret, loathing for that person coursed through her veins.

“I just needed to talk to her about something…” Her voice trailed off and Sophia didn’t pick up the conversation again, so she let the space between them grew as they walked down the hallway.

One thing’s for sure, Olivia thought, if she knows she’s keeping it tight lipped.

Sophia never kept anything tight lipped unless she had a reason to.

------------------------------

“Olivia Grace!”

Olivia sighed. Christmas galas were the worst, especially when her parents were the hosts. This year, her mother had made the “charming” decision to have the yearly Christmas gala at their home. Usually, the “club” used a hall in some art museum or other place with high ceilings and acoustics that made the clinking of champagne glasses reverberate through the thick money clips stowed inside tuxedo pockets. The thought made Olivia’s stomach flip with dread as she squirmed again.

“Sit still, Ms. Olivia”, Oriana gently guided her shoulders toward the back of her chair again.

“Can’t help it, don’t wanna--”

“Be here, I know”, she said as she pulled a chunk of hair up high with a comb and began wrapping it down the barrel of a curling iron. “But maybe you could sit still for me, eh?”

Oriana really was the best. She wasn’t a part of the regular house staff, her mother only brought her in for special occasions because she was ridiculously talented with hair and makeup. After all, the Fishers only daughter had to be powdered, puffed, and perfect in time for the biggest party of the season. Still, Oriana made the process much easier. She was no older than thirty, with long silky black hair and a chuckling laugh that always made Olivia smile.

“This dress is really itchy, though, Ori.”

Oriana rolled her eyes playfully.

“Complaining about getting to wear fancy dresses and go to fancy parties with rich people is poor form”, Oriana said in a low tone to avoid being overheard. Olivia laughed.

“You wouldn’t say that if you had to go down there.”

The look that came across Oriana’s face could easily have been mistaken for a smile, but Olivia saw the grimace there and grew self-conscious. Of course she knew Oriana was right. Being with Diana, whose father didn’t lack for money but whose mother lived pretty modestly by comparison to her family, had caused her to rethink everything around her.

The thing was, she would never pretend that she wasn’t immensely privileged, at least not now. But she also knew how she felt, and that was stifled. Still, she could do with saying far less stupid things around people who weren’t surrounded by stupidly rich people most of their lives.

She was just about to apologize to Oriana, when the door flung open. The curling iron jumped along with Oriana’s hand, nearly scalding the back of her neck.

“I called for you, fifteen minutes ago. Oh, Oriana, you’ve forgotten the holly sprigs I wanted in the back part of the chignon. Can you pin them in now?”

Oriana looked terrified. Olivia felt anger rise in her throat like reflux.

“Oh, yes ma’am, I can.”

Oriana had been working for the family long enough that she knew apologies to Mrs. Fisher were pointless. She didn’t care for them, anyway.

“Good”, her mother said flippantly, “Oh and Olivia, wear the pearls your grandmother gave you. She’ll be here later in the evening and I want her to believe you wear them at all. How much longer until you’re ready?”

“I should be done with her hair in five minutes or less.”

“Good, guests are starting to arrive. No lollygagging, Little Miss.”

Olivia waited until she was safely out of the room to exhale a sigh and she could have sworn she saw Oriana’s shoulders drop and her stomach release as if she’d just been holding her breath, too. She reached around her for a can of hairspray rather than talking.

“Close your eyes, dear.” Olivia closed her eyes and held her breath as a fog of aerosol descended over her head, face, and shoulders. When it had settled, she opened her eyes to look in the mirror. A curled, pinned chignon with holly sprigs. Her mother was not subtle, there must be someone’s son at this party she wanted Olivia to meet. Great.

Oriana gave her bare shoulder the slightest squeeze from behind her.

“You look beautiful.”

Olivia could cry. Her mother would never say it, it was nice to hear it from this person she thought she was so close to, but who was really a stranger.

The dress was stunning. Silver silk hugging her curves and plunging low in the back, falling down to the floor. She felt out of place in it, though-- far too exposed, not enough layers to cover her from the incoming attack. Her armor would have to be invisible tonight. She squared her shoulders with a backwards wink at Oriana and marched out of the room to the sounds of piano music and chatter and heinous laughter floating up to her ears.

“Oh, Olivia dear, do come here.”

Her mother’s pretentious voice had been plastered thick, which meant it was time for Olivia to paint on a sycophantic smile and pretend she liked being her. She walked toward her mother’s outstretched arms and glanced her father standing alongside a couple who seemed vaguely familiar and caught her breath at the jacketed boy standing next to them.

Lake Johnson.

“Olivia darling, you remember the Johnsons from that summer we spent in New England, don’t you?”

“Of course”, Olivia lied, showing teeth with her smile and extending her hand to the woman. “Mrs. Johnson, Mr. Johnson, a pleasure.”

“A pleasure to see you again, young lady”, Mr. Johnson rumbled in a low voice. The men in these circles always called her “young lady”. She had never decided whether it was better or worse than “Little Miss”. Olivia’s mother was just about to speak again when her eyes glanced over to the door, Olivia’s eyes following the path they traced. Sophia and her parents.

“Oh Caroline!”, her mother called out.

Caroline Smith was a petite dragon of a woman. At just south of five feet, it could be easy to confuse her stature with a small character or force of will, but having known her her entire life, Olivia knew much better than to do that. She had matching red lipstick and fingernails and was the type of woman who would absolutely still tease her hair and wear business suits with shoulder pads if they weren’t incredibly out of fashion.

Walking next to her was Sophia, her hair almost identically styled as Olivia’s but with baby’s breath, which her own mother had rejected because it was “out of season and what would people think”. Her crimson taffeta ball gown swept through the room and seemed to envelop it, and Olivia could nearly hear the crack her mother would make about Caroline Smith’s gaudy taste the next morning over breakfast.

The three families -Fishers, Johnsons, and Smiths- seemed to form a nearly closed circle of conversation as fathers began discussing business and mothers began discussing school events and gossip and kids stood there awkwardly staring at each other. Sophia still hadn’t acknowledged Olivia’s presence, and something about all of it made the hair on her arms stand at attention.

“Oh Sophia”, her own mother began, “you had mentioned Coach Lahey slipping that there would be scouts from some universities at your regional finals. Did she say which schools, dear?”

“UCLA that I heard first, Mrs. Fisher”, Sophia said demurely.

“Oh but that’s a wonderful school. If Lake had given more careful attention to his extracurricular activities, he would have had an excellent shot at winding up there.”

Olivia could see her mother and Caroline Smith exchange judging glances. It wasn’t typical to talk about your child’s shortcomings at these sorts of events, but then there was always the one that did and it always provided fresh fodder for the next club meeting.

“Well”, her mother began again as Caroline pursed her lips tightly, “I’m sure he’ll have plenty of opportunity… oh, I’m sorry dear, where did you say you were attending?”

Lake seemed affronted at being addressed directly.

“Arizona Christian University, ma’am.”

Olivia didn’t know whether to roll her eyes or snort in disgust. Of course he attended ACU. The kid who had been wearing khaki cargo shorts and boat shoes the first time she’d met him. The boy who barely spoke. It was always the quiet ones.

“Oh, I wasn’t aware you were Baptists, Sharon”, her mother continued, clearly attempting to show interest where at least Olivia knew there was none. Lake’s religious affiliation and good family were checkmarks in an invisible “yes” column, but his inability to gain entry to a top tier institution were a big, fat check in an invisible “no” column.

“Oh, yes, we are. We have a long history in the church through Tim’s family especially.”

“How interesting”, Caroline said flatly.

“Well of course we’ve been looking at the Ivy League for Olivia”, her mother started in. Olivia realized at this moment she hadn’t spoken a word yet, and Sophia still wasn’t making eye contact with her. “You know, we’ll hate to have her so far away, but my family are New Englanders and we’d just love for her to have the opportunity. And of course, I’d be remiss if I didn’t say I have several connections to some young New England men she may be interested in.”

Now Sophia was making eye contact. She was practically burning a hole through Olivia’s retinas. The flames in her eyes glinted as she raised her glass to her lips, lowered it, and said softly:

“I’m sure the west coast may be more her speed.”

Olivia’s stomach sank. The blood vessels behind her eyes constricted. She was growing far too familiar with this feeling as though the floor would open her up and swallow her. If there had been any perception that her carefully crafted bubble of protection she had worked so hard to build around Diana and herself was somewhat intact, it was gone now. Destroyed.

Sophia knew about Diana.

She could see it now in the way she looked at her, almost like a predator to prey. Lake moved his head back and forth between the two girls, picking up on the tension but remaining helplessly unaware of the complexity between the two women on either side of him. He stood there dumbly swiveling his head while their mothers laughed about “how silly” Sophia’s statement had been, Sophia smiling slyly as she took another sip of her drink.

“If I can be excused for a moment”, Olivia barely worked out in a whisper, her eyes never moving from Sophia’s face, “I need to go freshen my drink. Sophia.”

At first, she didn’t know if the girl would make to follow her, but Sophia had always been a quick judge of social situations and she would know that now wasn’t the moment to completely reveal the cards she held in her hands. Oh, this was a game for her, and she had a trump card.

Olivia marched her way out onto the pool deck, passing countless faceless and nameless people with the same buzzing chatter and laughter, the clinking of glasses and small china plates as the floating candles in the pool reached her eyes and the light went dimmer as she moved outside. As soon as they were out of earshot of everyone. Olivia turned on Sophia.

“ What the hell is your problem? ”

“I’d be careful how you talk to me if I were you”, Sophia snarled. “You were lucky to think for a few days that I may not have heard, but I heard. I know why you were in that room with that stupid ginger bitch. I know everything.”

“What do you want from me? To stay quiet?”

Sophia stepped back as if burned.

“So that’s what this comes down to, then? Buying my silence that you’re a dy--”

“I swear to god I will throw you in this pool if you say that word one more time”, Olivia hissed.

“Sixteen years of friendship. Play groups, daycare, all of the way through school. Committees and clubs and the squad. Sixteen years, and this is the end of it. Over some stupid bitch who doesn’t give a shit about you all so you can be a fucking homo.”

Oliva didn’t get angry often. More often than not, she was nervous. But there were flames licking at her muscles right now, heavy with the desire to plant the hardest punch she could muster to the square center of Sophia’s face.

“I said… what the fuck do you want from me?”

Sophia began to look her up and down, as if sizing her up. Making her calculations.

“You don’t get it, do you? Your entire life you’ve had everything handed to you. An ‘old money’ mother from New England, a shot at the Ivy Leagues that doesn’t rest on cheer, a father who gives a shit what happens to you.”

“What the fuck are you even talking about?”

“It’s all about come crashing down for me, Liv. My father is filing for divorce after the holidays. He’s leaving.”

Olivia could have sworn she saw a moment of fragility in her otherwise constantly-steeled friend. It flickered like one of the shadows from the room just beyond them moving over the concrete and stone illuminated by candlelight-- once you saw it from your periphery, it was gone again. And Olivia watched Sophia square her shoulders and draw her malice back up to protect herself.

“So if it all comes crashing down around me, then it will come crashing down around you, too. Remember what we said in seventh grade? Ride or die.”

Olivia could barely swallow around the lump in her throat.

“I’m not going to give her up, Soph.”

There were a million shadows that passed over Sophia’s face: hurt, defeat, anger all among them.

“Fine. Then you’d better be expecting me. Our entire lives, my mother has played second fiddle to yours. Everyone fawns over Stacey Fisher and her family and her taste. Everyone ignores everything my mother even attempts to do. I’ve been your second fiddle for sixteen years. I’m done. There’s not shit you can say to buy me off.”

Sophia picked up her skirt with one hand and turned to walk back into the filled room behind them, but then stopped and said with a chin to a bare shoulder:

“I hope she was worth it.”

Chapter Text

Diana’s eyes felt as though they were about to cross. She sighed in boredom, clicking her mouse over yet another portion of photograph she had to decide how to blur because of the logo on the kids shirt.

You know, she thought helplessly, there are supposed to be dress codes for these kinds of things.

There was a gentle knock on her door and her mother appeared in the doorway with a plate of apple slices, a dab of peanut butter swirled in the middle of the plate.

“I thought you could use a little brain food pick-me-up”, she smiled.

Diana’s mother Carmen was a generous woman in everything from her stature to her demeanor, she had Diana’s curls, though hers had long been cut into a sensible and more manageable bob. Her body had always had plenty of gentle curves and soft spaces, had always been a place where Diana felt safe and welcomed and protected. As Diana had grown older, she had come to know that her mother was something of a walking contradiction that made perfect sense: the soft and fierce warrior.

She spun round in her chair and launched herself onto her bed elbows first, her mother plopping down beside her and swinging her socked feet upward to settle in next to her daughter, shoving the plate of fruit closer to her so she could indulge. Carmen had always shown love through two things: snuggling and food.

“You seem stressed lately mija , wanna talk about it?”

Diana warmed herself under the term of endearment like soaking up rays of sunshine. Suddenly, she felt the fatigue begin to tug at her shoulders again. The past several months had been some of the most exciting -and challenging- that she’d known. It had been difficult to hide things from her mother, it wasn’t something she was used to doing.

She sighed, “It’s hard to talk about it, mama.”

She was propped up on her elbows and looking at her mother’s concerned face, watching her brows knit together as she chewed her lip.

“Well, sometimes the things that are most difficult to talk about are the things that most need to be talked about.”

“I guess I’ve been wondering lately where my place is. If I would still have a place here if I didn’t do all of the things I’m supposed to do.”

“And what are you supposed to do, baby?” Her mother’s voice matched her eyes, a tender sort of imploring that yearned to know how she could rise to her daughter’s challenges.

“I don’t know. I guess go to college? Be something professional. Get married and…”

“Do not say ‘have children’. You’ve said you don’t want children since you were four and it hasn’t stopped yet. I gave up hope of grandkids before I even realized I was giving up hope of grandkids.”

Diana laughed, rolling onto one elbow to look into her mother’s face, “Sorry to crush your dreams, mama.” She had said it jokingly but her mother’s face grew serious.

“Listen to me, mija. Sometimes life doesn’t go the way we plan it to, no one’s life looks the way they expected it would at eighteen. When you were first born and I was sitting in that hospital bed, holding this bundle of blankets, I only wanted one thing for you. It wasn’t a college degree or getting married. It was joy. I wanted you to always know joy, to always have it and to understand that even through struggle, joy is there with you.”

She bent slightly at the waist to plant a kiss at the top of Diana’s forehead.

“Nothing you could do could make me love you less. Not one thing. I hope you always know that.”

Diana felt tears begin to form at the corners of her eyes. This woman in front of her who never asked too many questions but always asked the right questions, who let Diana come to her and never flinched with any problem or difficulty she put in front of her, the woman who had fought fiercely for Diana’s mental health and battled school officials for her education, worked two jobs to make ends meet and gone back to school when Diana was just a kid to get a degree.

Diana loved her.

“Mama, what if… what if I didn’t marry a man, though?”

Diana’s chest seized with the words that had seemed to fall out of her mouth. They were irresponsible at best. She trusted her mother more than any person on earth, but keeping Olivia safe with their secret had been her first priority for months now. Letting her guard down for a moment felt comforting, especially in her mother’s presence, but there was a panic bubbling underneath it all that she couldn’t shake.

Her mother seemed to consider the words her daughter had just spoken. A look of knowing settled across her features as she gazed down at Diana, concern still tugging at the corners of her eyes. When she did speak, her words were careful, measured.

“I said what I meant, baby. Nothing could make me love you less. You understand, don’t you?”

The words were as heavy and as loaded with intention and meaning as iron and steel, but they felt like balloons attached to Diana’s shoulders-- helium to lift her into the air and help her fly. The tears streamed down her cheeks. She buried her head in the mattress before her mother pulled her over to her lap and began stroking her hair, pressing another kiss to the top of her head.

“Is it um,” her mother began, voice thick with emotion, “is it Olivia?”

Diana’s head jerked upward at the mention of her girlfriend’s name from her mother’s mouth, the jerking motion and the truth in her eyes giving it away in an instant as her mother’s shoulders slumped.

“Oh, mija”, her softness enveloped Diana as she pulled her into a tight embrace, “I think I knew. I just. It’s okay, it’s okay”, she crooned as she rocked back and forth.

Diana had to stop crying, crying felt terrible. In this moment though, knowing that her mother finally knew the truth and knowing that she was safe and that her mother would continue to be her ally and her protector, crying seemed as though it were the only logical option.

The crying didn’t last for long before they simultaneously heard a muffled banging, coming from the front door downstairs.

“Be right back”, her mother said as she rushed out of the room. She heard her descend the stairs and twist the door open.

“I’m so, so sorry”, came Olivia’s voice, “is Diana here?”

Diana was off the bed, out of the room, and down the stairs before she could dry her face. Carmen stood stunned holding the door open as Olivia rushed in, still in a sweeping gown of silver with her hair falling out of a curled updo and sprigs of some greenery poking out everywhere. There was no time for formalities or worries, Olivia rushed into Diana’s arms.

“She knows, she knows”, Olivia kept repeating. Diana glanced over at her mother while she stroked her girlfriend’s hair, trying to communicate as much as she could. Her mother had learned her daughter was gay, in a relationship with one of the wealthiest girls in the city, and was now standing watching them embrace in the span of minutes.

“Olivia, dear”, Diana heard Carmen’s voice say softly, “come inside and sit down. Tell us what happened.”

Olivia pulled back from Diana’s arms with eyes wide and looked over at Carmen before looking back to Diana. Her body was tense and rigid, her face betraying a near hysteria of fright only made worse by her rumpled features. Diana took her firmly by the hand and lead her over to the sofa, sitting her down while Carmen closed the door and came behind her.

“Does…” Olivia was choking on her words, the question unable to fully form.

“She knows”, Diana said simply sitting down next to Olivia and taking her hand while Carmen arranged herself on the far end of the sofa, giving them their space.

Olivia turned to Carmen and slumped her shoulders. “I’m so sorry”, she said softly, unable to make eye contact.

“Sweetheart”, Carmen moved closer and took her other hand, “it’s a lot to take in, but you listen to me, okay?” Olivia nodded. “It’s all going to be okay, you understand? All okay.”

The three women were a mess of tears and limbs and sobs in the group hug that followed, Diana had never been more thankful for the woman she called her mother than she was in this moment. Carmen Kwame was their angel.

“I’m going to go cook”, her mother said after letting herself linger in the emotional dogpile. She stood up and wiped her eyes with the bottom of the sweater she was wearing before marching into the kitchen without another word. Diana chuckled.

“Ten bucks says she makes chilaquiles.”

Her eyes met Olivia’s, still wide and wet with fear and tears. She pulled her closer by the wrist until the girl fell into her, exhaling softly as she hit her shoulder.

“I don’t know what that is”, she muttered into Diana’s skin. Diana laughed in response and pulled her back to look at her.

“It’s delicious, is what it is.” Olivia huffed again and shrugged as if to say “if you say so”. The trust she had in Diana was palpable always, and it would set her to panicking if she thought about it too long. She had always felt herself trustworthy, but this was different-- this was coupled with vulnerability and more than anything, she didn’t want to disappoint.

“I don’t know if I can make it through people finding out, Di.”

Diana chewed on the inside of her cheek for a moment, contemplating how to respond.

“I don’t think that’s true”, she whispered softly. “After all, I bet you kicked Sophia’s ass back there.” She felt Olivia smile against her skin.

“I kinda did, yeah. I told her I wasn’t giving you up.”

Diana could feel that thrumming sensation again, as though she would burst into a million beams of sunshine because of this blonde girl pressed into her side. She lifted Olivia’s face up by the chin and pressed a kiss into her lips.

“I love you”, Diana said softly. It was the first time she’d said it out loud, though she’d thought it plenty of times. Olivia’s face softened and her eyes closed.

“I love you, too.”

Olivia pressed her forehead into Diana’s, lips centimetres apart but not touching. Their breath began to align as they sat in the moment together, drinking each other in hands woven tightly together and legs wrapped around each other’s.

“I wish we could stay here forever”, Olivia whispered.

Diana didn’t reply, instead she reached her hand to Olivia’s face to brush away a strand of hair that had fallen between them, kissing the girl again before intertwining their fingers back together and moving to stand.

“Come on, come here. I have something I want to give you.”

Diana lead Olivia by a loose grip on her wrist up the stairs and to her bedroom, intoxicating smells coming from the kitchen where her mother was happily preoccupied with her cooking. When they reached the room, Diana went to her nightstand and wiggled open the drawer that sometimes got stuck.

The small, textured box felt heavy in Diana’s hand as she turned to face Olivia.

“It’s not much, but I thought it was something you deserved to have. Oh, and this as well”, she placed the box down on the bed before retreating to her closet, swinging open the door, and taking out an oversized hooded sweatshirt.

When she turned around again, Olivia had opened the box and was staring at the diamond necklace that lay inside.

“How did you get this?” She whispered.

“I have my ways. I figured you probably had so many of them that maybe no one would notice if you just wore this one. There’s also this.” Diana thrust out the sweatshirt with the emblazoned logo of Nirvana, the soft gray material sliding gently from hand to hand before she realized that her girlfriend was sitting on her bed shivering in a ball gown.

“Do you maybe want to change out of that gown? Something more comfortable? My clothes are probably two sizes too big for you but my mother never throws anything away so…”

“Yes”, Olivia squeaked, “I’ll wear just about anything to get out of this stupid dress. Maybe even nothing at all.” She pulled a sly wink and Diana’s mouth dropped open.

Had Olivia Fisher, always shy and hesitant and unsure, just dropped a sexual innuendo causally in her lap? There was no time to ponder it because Olivia was practically bubbling with laughter.

“Your face! Is too much!” She was clutching her side as Diana pulled a very old pair of yoga pants from her dresser drawer, balled them up, and threw them at Olivia’s face. She watched as Olivia stood and tried helplessly to wrangle the back zipper of the gown.

“Here”, she said growing serious again, “let me help”.

Touching Olivia was still sure to send zaps of electricity shooting through every extremity, gentle fires erupting at every point of contact with heat behind it. Diana began to tingle from her hands, down her arms, and to very specific places just below the beltline of her jeans.

“Taking your time back there?”, Olivia whispered as she tilted her neck to one side to give wider access to the zipper. Diana couldn’t help herself. It was entirely beyond her control, really. She bent and pressed a kiss to the silken shoulder, slowly sliding the zipper as she pressed another kiss to the nape of Olivia’s neck. She heard her sigh softly as the last kiss landed in the bend of her neck near her jawline.

Her hands were hungry for more contact, she slid them into the back of the dress after the zipper came down and worked them toward the front of Olivia’s body, gentle as always, softly working her way closer. It was never close enough.

Suddenly, Olivia spun around, a wide look in her eyes.

“I don’t know if I’m ready just yet.”

Diana’s hands pulled back immediately, her stomach flattening itself.

“Oh, I’m--”

“Don’t say ‘sorry’”, Olivia asserted, pulling her back into an embrace. “And please don’t think I don’t want you. I do. Tonight has just been… fucked up on every level, and I don’t want to be with you for the first time because of being a mess.”

Olivia squeezed her tighter before pulling her back to kiss her.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too”, Diana smiled, “now get dressed before my mother comes up here and thinks we’re doing what we’re not doing.” She walked over to her dresser and tossed Olivia a soft shirt. The Ramones. Of course.

They fell into Diana’s bed together, Diana’s head resting on Olivia’s chest and their legs impossibly entangled around one another’s. They lay there for several silent, stretching minutes before Olivia spoke.

“Do you ever wonder why we found each other?”

“Mmm…”, Diana replied mulling the question, “yes and no. It seems pretty plain that we were meant to, and the why seems uncomplicated at first glance, but then we still have a lot left to do.”

Diana felt Olivia’s arm move in closer, bringing her tighter to her side.

“I want to do all of those things with you, though. You know? All of that life, I think I’d only half-live it if you weren’t with me.”

Diana buried her face in Olivia’s armpit.

“You’re impossibly cute, you know that right?” She said in a muffled voice.

“Yes but the real question is: Do you like me?”

A smile slowly spread across Diana’s face.

“Nope. Not even a little bit.”

-------------------------------

Hey babe, MERRY CHRISTMAS!! I wish u could be here. Mother got me a piano charm for my bracelet. Perfectly passive aggressive, don’t u think?

MERRY CHRISTMAS BABY! I wish u could be here with mom and i. Oh man, that sounds JUST like her. Guess what my father got me?

What’s that?

...A best buy gift card…

-eye roll- of course he did. Did he put it in one of those little gift card slot cards???

U know it!! Lmao

Dear lord. Well maybe you can get ME wrapped in a bow!

...that’s not fair! Follow-through!

;) ;) ;) it’s hard enough to just not be with u.

I know, babe. Me too. But next year u won’t have to even come home for christmas if u don’t want…

‘If i don’t want’. Like there’s a chance i WOULD want. Cute.

We can spend it together.

:) :) i’d love that. Merry christmas, darling.

*starts singing karen carpenter*

…who?

*sigh* remind me to introduce you to the carpenters next time i see u.

WHICH WILL BE SOON.

OK YES IT WILL

I love you.

I love you, too. Merry christmas, babe.

-------------------------

I can’t believe i haven’t seen u since three days before christmas. And now its new years eve. That’s…

...it’s nine days, di.

NINE DAYS FEELS LIKE ETERNITY IN THE UPSIDE DOWN.

Ur not gonna get me to watch ‘stranger things’ stop trying.

...i will not.

I miss u too btw. I’ll try and see what we can do about that soon. Who’s coming over for nye?

Georgia. My mum. Me. a real party. ;)

Party don’t start til i walk in

;KFS;’F’ASDF SHUT UP

I will not!

The doorbell rang as she read the last text from Olivia and she watched her mother open the door to Georgia, who bounded into the house with two arms of shopping bags.

“I’ve got salty, I’ve got sweet, I’ve got coffee!”

Wish u were here for a midnight kiss. Love you, babe.

Diana put the phone down before she could receive a response and looked up at her best friend with a smile. Her freckles always seemed more pronounced in the winter. Her blue eyes were practically twinkling as she looked down at Diana on the sofa.

“Who were you texting?” She asked slyly. Diana shrugged. Georgia’s eyes narrowed, that pinch on her face showing her disdain.

“Don’t ask questions if you don’t wanna know”, Diana said nonchalantly. Her friend stuck her hand out to grasp Diana’s and pull her to standing from sitting. Diana followed her into her kitchen as Georgia began removing things from shopping bags.

“It’s not that I don’t wanna know, Di, it’s just. I’ve tried and tried for months now to like, get it I guess, and I just can’t get it.”

Diana took a bag of pretzels out of Georgia’s hands.

“I’m not sure what you mean. What is there to ‘get’?”

Georgia sighed.

“I mean, what’s the deal? Olivia Fisher is the richest girl in school, the one with monster parents, going to Harvard, family back east, old money, like? Now all of a sudden this year she’s a lesbian?”

Diana squinted her eyes out of pure frustration.

“Pretty sure you know that’s not how it works…”

“I’m just saying, Di. As a friend, who cares about you and doesn’t want you to get hurt… you’re sure this isn’t just some rebellious phase for her?”

Diana felt her fist instinctively ball up. If this weren’t her best friend standing in front of her, she might have taken a swing without a second thought. How dare she.

“How dare you”, Diana hissed. Georgia froze, rooted to where she stood, an apologetic look in her eyes.

“She stood right in front of you”, Diana continued, “and told you exactly how she feels. I was there. I heard it. And you still want to try and say that this is just some phase? I thought you were better than that. No, I know that you’re better than that. And you know me better than that.”

“Okay, okay”, Georgia held her hands up, palms toward Diana in surrender, “Okay, I’m sorry. I just really don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“Believe it or not, I’m pretty good at taking care of myself. Shocker, I know.”

“Yeah”, Georgia said, tossing a bag of chocolate chips at her friend, “it is a shocker.” Her tone was lighthearted, an attempt at a good natured jab to try and lighten the mood. It was unlike Georgia to say something so blatantly ignorant, Diana tried to breathe and chalk it up to genuine concern for her wellbeing.

“I love her, okay?”

Georgia smiled half a crooked smile.

“Apparently, she loves you too. So I guess the only thing left for me to do is tease the two of you mercilessly. Wait, does this mean you get a Mercedes now? If you’re going to marry into old money, don’t you need to go to etiquette class? I’ve seen you at a dining table, it’s atrocious.”

“Ha. Ha. You’re so funny. And excuse me, but talking about marriage at eighteen gives me the hives.”

The girls grabbed random boxes and bags— pretzels and hummus, chocolate chips and soda, a beer for Diana’s mother, walking back into the living room where the television was already set to a noisy Times Square in New York City, the slick-haired host introducing some artist Diana had never heard of.

Midnight came and went without so much as a text message from her girlfriend. Far from being angry, Diana was worried. It wasn’t like Olivia to not keep in a consistent, steady contact especially around special occasions.

Listen to me , Diana thought, three and a half months in and I already know ‘what’s like Olivia’.

Georgia was sleeping in the small guest bedroom not too long after midnight when her mother slapped her knee and gave her a kiss on the forehead as she stood with a stretch.

“Happy New Year, babe. I’m going to bed, I’m too old to stay up this late.” She winked at Diana before making her way up the stairs.

Her phone began to buzz seconds after she’d heard her mothers door click, she looked down at her phone to see Olivia’s picture staring up at her.

“Hello love”, she whispered softly, “Happy New Year”.

“It’ll be even happier”, the voice on the other end declared, “if you come open the door and let me in.”

Diana was off the couch and to the door in a flash of movement, wrenching open the door to reveal Olivia, leaning against the door post with a bottle of sparkling juice in one hand and a smile on her face. She was a vision in a body-skimming silver sequin dress that rose above her mid-thighs, her blond hair falling gently around her shoulders and a tiara on her head that read “Happy New Year!” She teetered forward on black stilettos and planted a kiss to Diana’s lips.

“Happy New Year, baby”, she whispered, arms lacing around Diana’s middle.

“Where have you come from?”, Diana asked playfully, fingers lacing together around Olivia’s back, brushing bare skin.

“Eh, Eleanor’s parents had a New Year’s Eve thing and I got away with wearing whatever I wanted because the kids were separated from the adults so we wouldn’t drink champagne. Jokes on them because El swiped stuff from her father’s over abundant liquor cabinet, anyway.”

“Have you been drinking?”

“Nope. Not one drop. I wanted to be sober for this”, Olivia said as she moved them inside and closed the door softly behind her.

“Sober for what?”, Diana whispered. Olivia clasped their hands together and lead Diana through the living room and up the stairs, towering above her in heels which threw off Diana’s entire sense of equilibrium and added to the headiness around her. She could guess what Olivia was here for.

They made it to the bedroom and once again, Olivia closed the door behind them. She kicked off her heels with soft thunks against the carpeted floor, her eyes fixated firmly on Diana’s lips, pupils blown as though she were drunk.

“Liv… sober for what?”

Olivia smiled slowly, a wide grin like she had a secret she’d been keeping.

“I know I said before Christmas that I wasn’t ready… but I’m ready now.”

Diana couldn’t break Olivia’s stare. Her blue eyes seemed bigger than they ever had, her lips fuller and softer. Suddenly, Diana was nervous .

“Are… are you sure?”

“Completely”, Olivia responded simply. Firmly. She moved closer to Diana again and turned around. “Help me unzip my dress?” She raked her hair to the side again, exposing her neck. The halter top was a complicated mix of buttons and a zipper, Diana moved closer to begin working at it, laying kisses on top of Olivia’s shoulders and at the nape and crook of her neck.

When the zipper came down, and the dress fell, Diana copied her movements from a week ago, hands gently moving around to the front of Olivia’s body and searching out her breasts, kisses to her shoulders never stopping as she moved in closer. Olivia let out a soft moan as Diana gently rolled her nipples between her fingers. Through her own trembling, Diana could feel the vibrations issuing from Olivia.

Go slow, she thought to herself. Go slow.

Without warning again, Olivia turned quickly around. This time though, she didn’t tell Diana to stop or put up her hands. She threw her arms around Diana’s neck, fingers twisting through her hair as she pulled her into a long kiss, reaching down to the base of Diana’s shirt to lift it over her head, Diana’s own breasts falling softly from the upward motion.

Olivia began to move them backward toward Diana’s bed as she pushed on the waistband of Diana’s sweatpants, loosening her underwear with deft fingers so that they fell to the floor along with the sweatpants before the two of them crashed into the soft mattress, Diana on top of Olivia and pulling back to look her in the face.

“You’re sure you want to do this?”, she whispered.

“I’m sure if you don’t take my panties off right now I might scream and that will wake people up.”

Diana chuckled as she kissed her way down Olivia’s body, taking the smooth skin into her mouth in bursts and sucks that made delicious noises come from her girlfriend’s mouth.

Oh I could get used to that, Diana thought as her fingers hooked around Olivia’s panty line. She pulled downward to expose a soft patch of hair around a mound of flesh, Olivia’s legs tense but falling open. Diana locked eyes with her again, the trembling growing more intense.

“Lovely”, Diana whispered. Olivia giggled, making Diana’s eyes snap up. “What? You are.”

“I laugh when I get nervous”, Olivia said with a shrug.

“You trust me, yeah?”

“I am entirely naked in your bed right now. I trust you.”

“Good.” Diana bent at the waist to give Olivia a kiss and rather than straightening back up, she began kissing her way down again, stuttering her lips across Olivia’s collarbones and stopping to take her pink brown nipples into her mouth with a soft bite.

“A-ah”, Olivia exclaimed, “No biting.”

“Really?”, Diana said between kisses.

“Okay”, Olivia sighed happily, “yes biting”. Diana moved as though she would give another tiny nibble to the thigh, only to kiss softly and receive a breathy laugh from Olivia.

She reached the curly bush of hair and began nudging her nose in between the curls and Olivia’s thigh. She began running two fingers up and down Olivia’s slit before adding just enough pressure to work past the outer folds. Olivia gasped and tightened.

“Relax”, Diana whispered. She felt Olivia give way underneath her and pressed again, slightly harder, working her open. After several tongue strokes from the base of the hair downward on the outer edge of Olivia’s lips, she began to work her way up before giving an apprehensive lick around what she knew was Olivia’s clitoris.

Olivia whimpered on the first contact, her fingers tightening at the back of Diana’s head. Gently, Diana flicked her tongue over the spot again. Olivia was sweet and sour, a sugar candy with just a tinge of acid. Diana began to roll her tongue over Olivia’s clit before sucking it into her mouth. Olivia’s legs tightened again and relaxed quickly.

“Fu-uck”, the curse word fell out of Olivia’s mouth with a hitched breath, and God if that wasn’t the most thrilling thing that had ever graced Diana’s ears.

She could feel Olivia begin to tense again as she continued to work, she was nearly ready to pop up and remind her to relax when she noticed that her girlfriends breaths were coming in short, stuttered gasps.

That’s a good sign, she thought as she pulled back and blew a small puff of air before taking Olivia’s clit into her mouth again, sucking delicately. She began to apply more pressure with her tongue and bent her working fingers toward her at the same time, hitting a rougher patch that she knew was sure to end well. She felt the muscles around her fingers tighten and begin to pulse as Olivia dug her hands into the bedsheets and whimpered, nearly panting.

Diana gave one final lick with the point of her tongue and felt Olivia shudder as her fingers gave another thrust outward as she bent them causing Olivia to buck against her before pushing her slick and slightly stinging mouth with her thigh. Diana clambered back up on her elbows before collapsing next to Olivia, their chests heaving in unison.

“That’s what I’ve been missing this whole time?!”, Olivia hissed in the darkness, moonlight illuminating her eyes blown wide.

“Is… is that a bad thing?” Diana asked hesitantly. Olivia rolled over to suck a kiss on to her collarbone before planting her lips on Diana’s. She pulled back, hair hanging in Diana’s face and eyes excited.

“No it’s not a bad thing, silly girl! I hope you weren’t planning on getting any sleep tonight”, she said as she nibbles down Diana’s neck, “I have to try and return the favor and then it’ll just start a vicious circle.”

“So it was… good?” Diana’s eyes looked for approval, showing a rare moment of vulnerability. Olivia kissed her again.

“I love you.”

Diana smiled. “I love you, too. Now you were saying about returning?”

———————————

Valentine’s Day is here and you know what that means! Don’t forget to send a sweet treat to your sweetheart! Sign-ups and payments will be accepted in the cafeteria until fifth period for our very own Candygrams and they’ll be delivered in last period! Only a dollar!

Diana sighed. “Georgia, should I get Liv a Candygram?”

Georgia rolled her eyes and leaned back in her computer chair, spinning around from the less than two lines she’d written about the Chess Club.

“Should you send your girlfriend a box of dollar candy?” Georgia made no effort to lower her voice and Diana’s eyes grew wide.

“Thanks, G. Thanks for that”, she tried to brush it off with a chuckle but her eyes scanned the room for anyone important. Her eyes settled on Mr. Tomlinson, who sat at his desk distractedly smiling down at his phone. School hours hadn’t officially started yet, and somehow Diana didn’t think this would deter him from whatever had him grinning at his screen like that. She never knew how to feel in these instances-- on one hand, the thought of anyone hearing who wasn’t supposed to hear filled her with dread. On the other, all of the treading lightly and tiptoeing had her completely drained and a small flicker of something like irritated hope inside her wished for people to know, though she’d never admit it.

The room started to fill with people, and Diana realized suddenly how close she was to being late for class. One disadvantage to the semester switch over was significantly less time with Olivia, first period English being replaced by first period Trigonometry, a class that gave her a headache and didn’t even have her girlfriend giving her sly winks and smiles to make up for it.

She glanced up at the clock and began to calculate, she had just enough time to stop by the Candygram booth in the cafeteria and still make it to class on time.

“See you in second period, I gotta go do something before class.” She turned from Georgia unceremoniously, just catching an eye roll and a groan out of her peripheral but choosing to ignore it so that she could get this done.

When she arrived to the booth, Eleanor smiled up at her. El was the least malicious of the entire squad, and would give you the most sincere smile on earth while watching her friends poison your drink. She snapped her gum as she handed Diana a pen and a red dye cut heart made out of cardstock.

“Just one?”, she asked sweet as sugar. Diana simply nodded in response as she scrawled a note across the card:

To the first of many. Happy Vals, my love. -Princess D. ;)

“Aww, that’s sweet!” Eleanor exclaimed.

“Oh, um. Thanks”, Diana said taken aback. There was no way Eleanor knew about them, was there? Diana decided on the fly to err on caution. “Yeah, thanks. So that’s it?”

“Oh, just make sure you fill out the name and classroom on the bottom and put it in this basket”, Eleanor said, indicating a wicker basket to her left. Diana swallowed. Hard. She hadn’t thought of that. “Actually, can I have another one?” She forked over another dollar as Eleanor handed her another card.

“Sure! Anything to spread more love, right?”

Diana had to stop herself from snorting at the irony of it.

“Right”, she replied flatly. As she began filling out the bottom of the second card, Eleanor got mercifully distracted by another student wanting to send a box of candy. Diana quickly crumpled the first card in her hand and left the second blank but for name and location before tossing it in the basket and hightailing it away from the table. Hopefully Eleanor didn’t have some sort of eidetic handwriting memory, but judging from her past encounters with her Diana’s guess would be a no on that.

The rest of the day passed by at a glacial pace, the only respite being sixth period World History where Olivia was in class with her and without anyone else on the cheerleading squad to make things difficult. It meant that they worked together any time they could and when they were apart, Olivia would make faces and toss out winks and kissy faces to make her laugh and smile the whole hour, Diana frequently going into the last class of the day with her cheeks hurting from smiling.

It was in the final hour, sitting in the choir room for her Women’s Ensemble, that Eleanor and another boy from student council she didn’t recognize appeared with the basket, Ms. Jones sweeping aside to let her class be interrupted. Diana barely listened to names being rattled off until she heard her own name and started, eyes snapping towards Eleanor.

“Someone sent you one!”, she giggled stupidly. Diana took the box of candy and card from Eleanor’s hand and looked down. The card was blank. Olivia had sent her one, as well.

Diana couldn’t focus for the rest of class. The end of the school day meant dress rehearsals, the show was in two weeks and they’d been rehearsing for so long. She’d never understand why they cast for a show in fall they never did until just before Spring Break, but this year she wouldn’t complain about it, because it had given her more than she’d ever be able to repay it for.

She waited in the choir room after the bell, wondering if she should wander her way over to the auditorium as the students and Ms. Jones cleared out and she was left alone. Olivia usually met her in here, but perhaps today was different. Soon enough, her girlfriend appeared at the entrance to the large room, Diana smiling and kicking her feet up on chairs.

“You sent me a Candygram, you nerd,” her grin was gigantic.

“You sent me one, too, so we’re nerds together.”

“Nothing new there”, she laughed as she bent down to give Diana a kiss. Her lips lingered longer than usual, and Diana took full advantage. This was the one place they never had to hide.

Suddenly, a paper rustling came behind them followed by feet shuffling. Olivia jumped back, the same way she used to, as if she’d been burned or electrocuted. Diana saw Mr. Styles standing at the large entrance reaching down to pick up papers he’d dropped.

“Oh-- I--- I mean… my apologies”, he stuttered, “I wasn’t aware anyone was in here.”

He was trying to look anywhere but at their faces and failing miserably. He had seen them locked in their embrace, they knew he had and he knew that they knew. He fumbled to slide the papers across the floor and gain a grip on them before standing up and huffing out a loud sigh of exasperation that lifted a strand of long hair out of his eye.

To make matters worse, Mr. Tomlinson strode into the room, noticing the papers on the floor and flicking his eyes between the exhausted Mr. Styles and the terrified faces of the two girls in front of them.

“What’s going on here, then?”, he asked lightheartedly.

Olivia looked as though she were about to burst into tears, Diana unable to resist the urge to grab her hand as she stood. Olivia flinched and tried to pull back, but Diana held firm.

“It seems Mr. Styles innocently walked in on my girlfriend and I sharing a kiss”, she said softly, voice shaking. Olivia’s head swiveled slowly around, eyes wide and horrified at what had just been said.

There was a long pause in which the four people in the room were sizing everything up-- one another, the situation, their response, everything being contemplated and carefully considered. It was Mr. Tomlinson who spoke first.

“Girls…”, he began gently, “sit down.”

Olivia and Diana complied easily, Diana never letting her hand loose from her girlfriend’s as they settled in and were quickly followed in chairs opposite them by Mr. Tomlinson and Mr. Styles. There was another pause, and this time Mr. Styles spoke first.

“Does anyone else know?” His question was not accusatory, there was no hostility in his tone. He simply seemed interested, genuinely curious.

“My mother and best friend”, Diana replied.

“Georgia knows?”, Mr. Tomlinson asked. Diana nodded in response. “And they’re both… supportive ?” The question was phrased carefully, words loaded with meaning and intention.

“Yes…” Diana said, equally as careful with a dash of hesitation.

“Good.” Mr. Styles said simply.

“We don’t mean to be untoward or abrupt, but in situations such as these it’s important not to beat around the bush. Har-- Mr. Styles and myself have suspected for awhile what might be going on.”

“How di--?!” Olivia was panicked, her fingers in a death grip on Diana’s. Mr. Tomlinson held his hands out in a sort of surrender.

“No, no. Don’t worry, I don’t think anyone else has noticed if that’s what you’re wondering. It’s just that--”, Mr. Tomlinson stopped himself and chewed his lip a bit, mulling over how to phrase what he needed to say. Mr. Styles took over for him.

“It’s just that Mr. Tomlinson and I have some unique experience in handling situations similar to the ones you’re going through.” His words were still just as measured and loaded, a look of understanding dawning on Diana’s face.

“You mean that the two of you are a couple?”, she asked bluntly. Mr. Tomlinson broke into a laugh. In this tense environment, the sound of laughter was shocking and Diana felt Olivia jump beside her.

“How did you know? I thought we were quite good at hiding it”, he winked. Diana smiled, too soon to laugh herself.

“You spend all of your time together and I saw him in your car one night. I put the pieces together. You know since it’s the same and all.”

Olivia gasped suddenly and everyone else in the room jerked their attention toward her.

“I’ve seen you together, too!”, She exclaimed. “At The Pearl! Last fall, it was ages ago, but I saw you both there together!”

Mr. Styles broke into a wide grin, “Yes, it’s one of our favorite restaurants. Though we do try to be discrete. Doesn’t always work”, he shrugged.

“Anyway, girls”, Mr. Tomlinson continued, “we understand how delicate this all is. We understand the environment we’re surrounded with. We understand the unique circumstances. We understand. We’ve been there. Please know we’re on your side, and here to help however we might be able to help when you need it. Understood?”

Diana and Olivia nodded together, Olivia finally able to offer the two teachers a weak smile.

“Good”, the men said together.

“I guess people are going to find out one by one”, Diana sighed.

“I guess so.” Olivia’s voice was feeble, her color pallid and drained. Diana squeezed her hand.

“Hey, remember? You and me.”

Olivia turned her head and locked her blue eyes onto Diana’s brown eyes. There was so much there to unravel, and Diana didn’t even have the tool to pull the first string but she had hand squeezes and reassuring words and presence. That had to be enough. Olivia squeezed her hand back.

“You and me.”

Diana saw Mr. Tomlinson and Mr. Styles exchange looks before Mr. Styles slapped his knee and stood.

“Time for dress rehearsal, I should think!”

Chapter Text

The night of the first performance of Les Miserables had been a long time coming, so that by the Friday of opening night, Olivia was more or less ready for it to be over. It was entirely too apathetic an attitude, and she loved all of the excuses she’d had to spend time with Diana after school, but between rehearsals and cheer practice and all of her other commitments, she was liable to lose her mind before graduation.

The makeup base was thick as she sponged it on her face, the lights above these mirrors that lined the perimeter of the room much too bright and blinding. Diana sat next to her, trying to create what looked like dirt and coal smudges-- the perfect Eponine. She wiggled her makeup sponge in Olivia’s face.

“Cosette could use a little dirtying up, she’s way too prissy”, Diana laughed.

“That’s the point, thank you”, Olivia retorted as she dabbed on a mauve pink shade of lipstick. “We’re going for ingenue here. Wide eyes and the perfect little pout.” Diana rolled her eyes.

“I still can’t believe you have to pretend to be in love with Danny of all people.”

Danny Ferrin was the resident drama nerd who had been in every production in a prominent role since freshman year. He also lead Dungeons and Dragons campaigns in the library on Fridays during lunch, was flamboyantly gay, and gave not one single fuck what anyone in this ridiculous town said to him. It had paid off, too, he was headed to one of the top drama programs in the country next fall.

“It’s called acting , babe. Besides, you have to kiss him, too.”

“Please don’t remind me of that. His lips taste like Carmex.” Diana shuddered with exaggeration and Olivia laughed at her ridiculous girlfriend. The door to the dressing room opened and Mr. Styles walked in, hands over his eyes.

“Uh, is everyone… in clothing?”, he asked hesitantly.

“It’s just Liv and I, Mr. Styles”, Diana replied. His hands popped off of his eyes with a smile.

“Ah, brilliant, this will make it easier. Olivia, I thought I’d let you know that your parents are here. They’re up front. I figured it’d be good for you to know now.” He plucked a blending sponge off of the counter as though he were examining and then placed it back down before leveling a pointed stare at the girls. Diana’s eyes slid toward Olivia. She seemed frozen in place on her seat, staring into the mirror as though time had stopped.

“You know what”, she said slowly, “it’s okay.” She placed the makeup pencil in her hand down firmly on the counter and turned toward Mr. Styles, offering a smile. “It really is okay. I’d rather them be here than not. We’ll just have to be careful”, she said turning now toward Diana, who nodded in agreement.

“I think we’ll be a bit distracted anyway”, Diana winked.

“Indeed”, Mr. Styles agreed, “Speaking of, you both have five minutes until curtain. See you out there!”

Diana turned back to Olivia and reached for her hand.

“You and me.”

Olivia smiled. “You and me.”

-------------------------------------

The show went by smoothly, brilliantly. Mr. Styles gave a small speech before it began acknowledging Mr. Tomlinson for his “incredible work with the tech crew” and thanking the parents for being so “open and receptive to such a human story of tragedy and the triumph of true love”. Diana nailed the song “On My Own” with graceful flourishes, Olivia managing to make her love with Danny Ferrin even somewhat believable onstage as they worked through “A Heart Full of Love”. The entire cast was proud of the work they’d put in all these months, and Olivia rode an adrenaline high all the way from “Do You Hear the People Sing” to her mother rigidly hugging her in the lobby.

“Well I wasn’t particularly happy with your decision, but I must say Olivia Grace, you did a fine job.”

From her mother’s lips, this was the equivalent to a gushing wedding speech or a graduation party speech about how glowingly happy and endlessly proud she was of her daughter. Olivia was about to thank her before she continued on as they walked toward the parking lot, Olivia realizing she hadn’t seen where Diana had landed.

“I must say, that boy who portrayed Marius wasn’t convincing in the slightest.”

“Danny?”, Olivia asked, poised to defend her co-lead with admiring words about his future endeavors. Her mother nodded tersely.

“You can tell he’s as queer as a two dollar bill. If it were my son, I’d be ashamed. I was for him, watching him prance around afterward like that. Of course, I’m sure he gets enough help from that director of yours…”

Her mother continued talking, but Olivia deflated. She wasn’t entirely certain how her legs continued to carry her toward whatever they were walking to, but any glimmer of hope she may have had a moment ago was now positively disintegrated along with her adrenaline rush.

They reached her car together, her mother offering another perfunctory squeeze succeeded quickly by her father.

“We’ll see you at home, kid” her father said as the two continued on to their own vehicle. Olivia opened the door, climbed in, shut the door, and watched until they were out of sight. Then and only then did the tears come. She cupped her face with her hands, hunching over in front of the steering wheel as her body was wracked with loud sobs.

Her parents were never going to be okay with who she was. Her entire life, they had pushed and prodded, molded and fashioned her like a lifeless lump of clay to be a reflection of their own success and hierarchy. She would never be anything more to them than a means to the consistent end of being better than everyone else.

Her breath rattled as she attempted to staunch the near convulsions going along with her tears. She was exhausted, having experienced far too many emotions for one human in one night. She wanted the quiet reassurance of Diana’s arms. She wanted different parents. She wanted to stop being tired and scared all of the time. Since Christmas, she had been waiting on a trip wire for Sophia to do or say something that would bring it all crashing down.

No more, she thought. I’m not going to be afraid of it anymore.

As she jabbed her key in the ignition and twisted it to rev the engine alive, a calm settled over her. If Sophia didn’t make her move by graduation, Olivia would do it herself. And if her former best friend beat her to the punch?

So be it.

----------------------------

Olivia didn’t turn the right way to go home. Instead, she found herself driving toward Diana’s mother’s home, going far too much over the speed limit in a mad dash to see her girlfriend. It dawned on her when she was nearly there that Diana may have chosen to go to the cast party, but she thought it best to try Carmen’s house, anyway.

She pulled into the drive and was at the door as fast her weakened legs could carry her, ringing the doorbell and knocking on the door from impatience. Carmen appeared soon enough in pajamas and hair tied into a messy bun, eyes wide.

“Olivia!” she exclaimed. “I thought you’d be here with Diana, come in, come in!” She waved Olivia inside and shut the door behind her.

“So she’s here, then?” Olivia asked frantically.

“She’s in the shower. She was going to call you. You’re shaking! Is everything okay?”

Olivia couldn’t help herself, she burst into fresh sobs, tears renewing themselves on her cheeks. Carmen seized her hand and lead her over to the couch, sitting her down and placing a gentle arm over her shoulder, pulling her in closer.

“What happened, honey? Olivia, can you tell me? Take your time.”

Olivia tried to speak, but it only served to make her more out of breath. Carmen leaned forward and took two tissues from a box on a coffee table in front of the couch. Olivia took them thankfully and buried her face in them, giving another attempt at steadying her breathing.

“M-m-my m-mother…”, she started. Carmen’s eyes grew wide.

“Did she…?” Her loaded sentence trailed off with an unasked question. Olivia shook her head frantically.

“N-no. No. Sh-she just. I-I’ll never b-be good enough!” A high pitched sob escaped on her last syllable and Carmen pulled her closer, resting her head on her shoulder and stroking the back of her head.

“Sweetheart, listen to me. Are you listening?” Olivia nodded in response. “No matter what happens, I promise you it will all be okay. You understand? The world is so hateful but you are so, so strong. It will be okay. It will be okay”, she cooed as she continued to stroke her fingers through Olivia’s gnarled hair. She rocked gently as Olivia cried.

“Liv?”, Diana’s voice came from the stairs. She bounded down them quickly, practically bolting over to her. “What happened? Did Sophia?” Her sentence trailing off like her mothers had. Olivia shook her head again, physically unable to lift it from Carmen’s shoulder.

“I still don’t think I’ve gotten everything from her”, Carmen said softly to Diana. “Do you want to take over here? I’ll go make you girls some hot tea.” Carmen stood gently as Diana slid down next to her girlfriend, wrapping her arms around her and continuing to rock as she’d seen her mother do.

“Liv… what happened?”, Diana whispered. Olivia took a moment to breathe, heavy breaths in and out. Finally, she lifted her head and looked at Diana in the face.

“After the show was over we were in the lobby and mother… said some things, some things about Danny and how she’d be ashamed and how Mr. Styles was probably ‘encouraging him’.” She looked down in her lap, not making eye contact as she spoke her next words.

“I just realized that when she knows everything, she’ll be ashamed of me, too.”

Diana didn’t know what to say. There were no words to comfort Olivia in this moment, no promises to make about her mother’s ability to love her daughter for who she was in all of its truth. The reassurances would be false platitudes, so Diana didn’t even let herself go there. Instead, she pulled Olivia closer to her again and simply whispered, “I love you”.

The two stayed intertwined and gently rocking for what seemed like ages but was more than likely only several minutes before Carmen came back into the room carrying two steaming mugs of hot tea. She set them down on the coffee table and settled herself into the chair adjacent to the couch.

“Olivia, sweetheart”, she began easily, “I feel it’s important to say this.” She crossed her legs, and knit her brow together, concentrating on the words she wanted to convey.

“I still hope beyond hope that your mother will understand that she gave you life and that no matter how that life unfolds, you are her heart and her legacy. I hope she chooses to love you. I just…”, she trailed off slightly, seeming almost bashful at what she was about to say, “I want you to know that no matter what happens, you always have a home here. You’ve spent so much time with us over these past few months. I just never want you to feel alone.”

Olivia stood from the couch, closed the gap to where Carmen was sitting, and bent at the waist to wrap her in a wordless embrace. She stood again after a moment and collapsed on the sofa behind her.

“I’m just ready for this to be over”, she said calmly. “I’m ready to not be so scared all of the time. I’m ready for her to know, no matter what happens.” Olivia looked at Diana, who smiled proudly at her even through wide eyes and worry lines etched around her mouth.

“I think”, Carmen began, “it would still be wise to wait until the end of the year. But if matters get taken out of your hands, then we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. It’s good to be resolute even when you’re afraid, it gives other people less power.”

Olivia didn’t know how Carmen had come by her wisdom, but she was endlessly thankful that this woman was the mother of the person she loved. She was filled with grace and kindness, and Olivia would never be able to repay her. She looked at Diana again.

“We have more people on our side than I thought we would.” Diana smiled in return.

“That’s because we’re awesome.”

“She gets it from my side of the family”, Carmen joked. The three women laughed at the same time, a shared laughter reminding them that they would bring each other through whatever was coming. Olivia had never felt more hopeless than the moment alone in her car, but she always left this home with more hope than when she came in.

“I hate to leave so soon, but I should be getting home or they’ll start asking questions.”

“You’re safe to drive?”, Carmen asked hesitantly. Olivia nodded.

“I think I am. Thank you for rocking me through my nervous breakdown.”

“Honey, you’ll go back to that place again. As much as I wish I could say feeling like that is a one time thing, it keeps happening the older you get. But anytime I can be there, I’ll be there.”

“Or I’ll be there”, Diana interjected.

“Or I’ll be there for you”, Olivia said. “One of these days you won’t be the strong one.” Diana shrugged with a smile.

“Probably not.”

With hugs and kisses all around, Olivia found her way out of the door, down the walk, and back in her car, headed back to the house she grew up in and the parents she grew up with. She felt detached from all of it in a way she never had before. If Diana and Carmen were her family now that she had found them, then she didn’t think she’d be missing out at all.

------------------------------

This bus is stupid hot , Olivia thought as she watched a ridiculous cat video Diana had sent her with headphones in. She sat at the back of the bus and generally walled herself off from the rest of the squad. Things had grown so icy between her and Sophia that Coach Lahey had commented on it before they’d boarded the bus to their regional cheer competition, reminding them they were still on the same team and they still had to work together if they hoped to be scouted. If anything, Olivia was counting on Sophia’s relentless wish to gain a cheer scholarship as the only cushion she had against Soph pulling some shit that would seriously mess her up.

Well that, and Olivia was the one who had hold of her foot as she was lifted five and a half feet in the air with relatively little support. There was that little detail, as well.

The rest of the squad seemed to be falling in line with Sophia. Olivia had anticipated this as things took their turns, due in large part to Olivia’s own chill to the rest of the squad besides Sophia. She knew they’d all react poorly to the secrets she’d been keeping. She knew the stunt they’d all participated in earlier in the year, the one that had almost cost her Diana. She wasn’t counting on any support from them at all, so she had begun mostly ignoring everyone the closer she got to Diana.

Lost as she was in her own thoughts about the exceptional events of this year, she didn’t notice the twelve pairs of eyes that had turned in her direction or the whispers and giggles that began rumbling like thunder in waves from the front of the bus to the back. Something like intuition caused her to look up and take notice. She pulled her earbud out of her ear with a sigh.

“What?”, she said out loud to no one in particular and everyone on the bus at the same time. Coach Lahey was distractedly chattering on her phone to some person already at the competition venue. Finally, one of the underclassmen finally spoke.

“Is it true you’re a dyke?”

A peal of unison laughter broke out among the other girls on the bus, and Olivia’s vision tunneled. Contrary to being embarrassed or feeling as though the earth should open her up and take her down to some abyss, she was angry. Red spots swam on the edges of her vision, flames licking at her extremities as she zeroed in on Sophia, sitting near the front of the bus looking smug but refusing to make eye contact with her. On legs wobbly with rage, Olivia stood up and walked to the front while the bus was still moving, vibrating with adrenaline.

“What the fuck is your malfunction?”, she spat through clenched teeth. Sophia had her sadistic smirk plastered on her face, still refusing to turn and look at her. Gigi sat next to Sophia, closer to the window, with a look of mixed horror and amusement on her face. It was only when she saw Olivia standing and heard what she said that Coach Lahey caught on there was a problem.

“I don’t know what’s going on here”, she said standing up in her seat and gripping the seatback to keep her balance, “but whatever it is, I honestly don’t care. All of you have a job to do today and I’m going to be pissed if it doesn’t get done. Understood?”

Everyone nodded in response.

“Do you mind if I say something?”, Olivia asked boldly. The coach looked her over from head to toe, considering whether letting her speak would be a good option. Finally, she waved her hand as if to give her consent. Olivia moved further toward the front and turned to address the whole bus of people.

“My personal life, my life away from this right here is no one’s business. No one. Be jerks if you want, fine, I don’t care, but if you want to lose at regionals and not go to states and lose out on opportunities and scholarships all because you want to hate me, fine. Do that to yourselves, I don’t really care, either. Just think about it before you act like idiots out on the floor.”

With that, she returned to the back of the bus as it swayed, sinking into her seat just before they hit a bump. The group had fallen silent. Coach Lahey nodded.

“Well said, Olivia. You all have things riding on this. Put your differences aside or whatever drama’s going on in other places away and do your jobs today.”

The chatter picked up again slowly, the rest of the squad pointedly ignoring Olivia as she stuck her earbuds back into her ears and picked up her phone, her fingers flying.

Sophia just told the squad.

Omg, i’m gonna kill her.

No ur not. I’m really fine, i promise. If shit goes bad, i’ll call.

What are u talking about? Mom and i are the place already. We’re gonna watch u and cheer u on. Ya know, cheer the cheerleaders and all that.

Diana and Carmen were going to be there. Undoubtedly, her mother would be there along with Caroline and all of the other cheer mothers. This was going to be an interesting thing to balance. As if reading her mind, her phone buzzed with a follow-up text from her girlfriend:

Don’t worry, i know ur mom’s here i’ve noticed her already. Mom and i will go home right after. We just wanted to be here for u.

Olivia’s heart could burst. Diana and her mother were too good for this world.

Thank u for being here, i’m sorry it is how it is…

Don’t worry about it, babe. Just happy to be here. Are u sure ur okay?

One day i’ll be the strong one ;)

U already ARE the strong one!!

Olivia sat with that for a second. Diana had support from places she may never have them. She was reassuring and often calm to her chaotic, but would it always be that way? Some day life wouldn’t be what it was right now with all of the anxiety and tension and nervousness. Some day all of these obstacles would be in the past. The campaign slogan “It Gets Better” was ringing in her head. Someday, it wouldn’t be like this. She could make it through this. She glanced up cautiously and noticed several heads snap away from staring in her general direction and rolled her eyes. She was a strong one, Sophia Smith couldn’t take that from her.

------

The bus pulled up to the venue and the squad disembarked, Coach Lahey leading them through the entrance with high vaulted ceilings and large windows, sunlight streaming in to mark the late afternoon. She liked evening competition, it usually went better in her experience. She kept her head down, gym bag slung over her shoulder and earbuds in as they walked to their warm-up room. In the past, her friends would have been hanging on each other and excitedly chattering about other squads in the building and their routine.

Oh, how times change , Olivia thought.

The booming bass of whatever music was playing through the gymnasium speakers and flowing into the atrium resonated in her chest. As they approached a smaller room laid floor to floor with cushioned gym mats, Coach Lahey called out: “Bases to the right, flyers to the left, we need to work on tumbling passes first. Smith, Fisher, a word please.” Olivia’s stomach sank. She and Sophia had been going out of their way to keep their distances since Christmas, being in close proximity under the coach’s gaze was something she’d hoped to avoid.

“Look”, Coach Lahey began in a normal tone that nearly sounded like a whisper in this building, “I don’t know what’s been going on with you two, but I’ll be damned if I let it impact people’s future. I said it at the beginning of the year and I’ll say it again, you both have a real shot at being scouted here. Don’t throw it away over something stupid. Got it?”

Olivia glanced over at Sophia, who seemed to be running numbers through her mind. Finally after a long moment, she nodded to indicate she understood what the coach was speaking of. Olivia nodded following her lead.

“Good”, the coach replied, looking satisfied. “Give it your best and after states you never have to speak to each other again for all I care. Now, go warm up.”

The warm-ups passed without incident, almost seeming as though the girls under Olivia’s charge hadn’t just hurled a slur at her on the bus ride here. People took her suggestions seriously, and the time soon came for the squad to make their way into the gymnasium. Walking on to the mat Olivia caught sight of the group of mothers sat together and talking to each other out of the sides of their mouths. She scanned the crowd again, it wasn’t her mother she was keen to see. Just as she neared her starting point on the mat, she found Diana and Carmen in the crowd, beaming and wiggling little waves at her.

She could do this.

The routine went as flawlessly as it possibly could, no fatal mistakes. Eleanor had slipped a little on one of their lifts and she was sure they’d have points deducted for it. Another one of the underclassmen, a junior named Cammie, had taken a couple of steps that would cost them some deductions as well. As far as Olivia was concerned, no one had fallen or stepped out of bounds or ruined the timing of their cheer portion of the program, it was a win.

She had won three regional championships three years running under Coach Lahey, and still when the judges called their squad at the end of competition to claim first place, she was pleasantly surprised. Sophia went to claim the trophy of course, and it wasn’t just in her head that none of the girls seemed to want to let her touch or hold it. In truth, Olivia couldn’t care less. She had shown up and done what she was supposed to do, that was good enough for a place her heart felt it no longer belonged.

Her mother’s hug when they were in the atrium was significantly less rigid than it had been the other night in the auditorium lobby. She and the other mothers blabbered happily about having noticed scouts in the stands, about the possibilities, about how exciting it was to be four-time regional champions. Olivia wished she were with Diana and Carmen. They would inevitably be listening to nineties music with windows rolled down on the drive home, it would be a much more fun trip than the one she was facing.

“Olivia dear”, she heard her mother say over the din, “when you get home we need to settle on an outfit for your father’s banquet this weekend.” It took all Olivia had left in her not to roll her eyes. Instead, she nodded passively. Her father had finalized the business deal with Diana’s father just two weeks ago, a deal that had been in the works for almost a year. To celebrate, her parents were throwing a banquet at the club. It was the last thing on Olivia’s mind at the moment, but her mother always had her own priorities.

“But then”, her mother began again, “you’ll probably want to spend some time with Sophia and the girls, won’t you?” Olivia’s stomach seized. She glanced a sidelong glance at Sophia, whom she knew was within earshot. Out of her periphery, she watched her turn with that smile toward her mother.

“Oh no, Mrs. Fisher”, she began, “I don’t think Liv will want to come over. Not really her speed anymore.”

If Olivia could throw flames with her eyes, she would have. She was helpless and pissed off at the same time.

“What do you mean? Olivia, what is she talking about?”

Sophia didn’t say another word before turning on her heel, arm in arm with Gigi, and walking off toward some place unknown.

“Olivia?” Her mother’s tone was growing demanding. “Have you and Sophia quarreled?” Olivia sighed.

“Something like that, mom. I’ll explain it later.” Her mother opened her mouth to protest before Olivia quickly added, “I’ve got to get to the bus with the others”. This addition made her mother’s mouth close. She nodded, and gave Olivia another much stiffer hug.

“Go on then. I’ll see you back at the house.”

The bus was abuzz with excitement and adrenaline as she stepped on, Sophia and Gigi and others pretending as if she didn’t exist while she walked her way to the back of the bus once again and settled into a seat of her own. She jammed her earbuds in and slunk down to avoid the faces of the others, opening her phone to several texts from Diana.

WOOOOOOOO!! U WON U WON! Proud of you!!!

Also mom says she’s super proud of u too. Says we’ll celebrate soon. Love u!!

In spite of it all, the good and bad of this day, Olivia smiled to herself. She had something better than this bus full of homophobic cheerleaders.

They had been riding awhile, girls falling asleep on top of each other as adrenaline rushes and sugar rushes began to wear off, conversation tapering down to a lull. Olivia was immersed in the music rushing through her headphones and a book she had been reading when she felt someone slide into the seat beside her. She looked over to see Eleanor smiling at her, and pulled one earbud out, hitting pause on the music.

“Uh… hi”, she said awkwardly.

“I just wanted to say that I think what you did today was really brave and I’m on your side.” It was matter of fact and as uncomplicated as that, Eleanor didn’t attempt to make a show of it or ramble on any further. She offered another soft smile as a piece of glitter dislodged from her brown hair and floated down to her nose.

“Oh”, Olivia said, taken aback. “Thank you, El.” Eleanor leaned down further and continued in a lower voice.

“My aunt came out a few years ago. She’s older and all, and my family wasn’t really great about it. But she’s my favorite aunt, you know? We’d always been super close. I didn’t know what to think at first. I spent a lot of time with her and her fiance, and I realized nothing had changed about her. She was just happier. I hope you can be happier now, too.”

If Olivia had tears left to cry, she would have. Eleanor had always been the silent backer of the group, going along with whatever they did.

“Can I ask you a question, though?” Olivia wondered. Eleanor seemed to anticipate what was coming and chewed on her lip a bit before responding.

“You want to know about the picture last fall”, she said simply. Olivia nodded. Eleanor shook her head slightly and slumped her shoulders, the bow in her hair shaking along with her. “I don’t know, honestly. It was a terrible thing to do, I regret it a lot even if Geeg and Soph don’t. Most of the progress I’ve made has been because of that, though. Like, I felt so guilty for doing that when my aunt was going through what she was. It just helped me realize a lot.”

Olivia mulled over her words, about to ask another question before Eleanor went on, her voice just above a whisper.

“I know if my aunt ever took her own life, I’d be devastated. I’m sorry for what I did. I just came over to tell you that and to tell you I think you’re brave and…” she hesitated before the next part, “you’ve got a friend in me when you need one.”

Olivia didn’t hesitate. She leaned over and gently hugged the girl beside her, breathing in some sort of perfume mixed with copious amounts of hairspray scent. Eleanor hugged her back, squeezing a bit tighter. “Mind if I sit here the rest of the ride home?”

“Not at all”, Olivia responded. The best part of it all was, she truly meant it.

---------------------------

The evening of the banquet was warm. There was no such thing as spring time in the Arizona desert, and the sun was growing ever more unforgiving by the day. Olivia had gone back and forth with her mother about her choice of dress because of this, and had won a small battle that let a bit more skin than normal be exposed.

She’d had to settle for a pink gown, though. It was one of those annoying shades of pink that looked like something Elle Woods might have worn before she went to Harvard. The black shoes her mother had picked out were the same ones she’d worn to The Pearl all those months ago, the ones with bows on the toes that pinched and squeezed something terrible.

Perhaps the only good thing about this night was knowing that Diana would be there. She had of course forgotten to mention this until the very last minute when Olivia was reminding her of upcoming events and she’d casually said, “Oh yeah, I’ll actually be at that one” in true Diana fashion. No doubt she’d throw on some black dress and look stunning, as she always seemed to. There would be no mother carefully coordinating every detail, but Diana didn’t need it.

They’d have to be careful tonight, measuring their interactions and paying close attention to everything. Olivia felt bubbles in her stomach every time she thought of how close they were to the end of the school year. The plan was to tell her mother and father after graduation, Carmen had already offered to let her stay at her home for the summer before college began, but Sophia would be there tonight and that meant traps aplenty.

Olivia’s mind shifted to college. She had applied to USC and several others late, deciding not to wait on an offer from UCLA. Her mother had no idea she hadn’t actually sent in the applications to the Ivy League schools she’d practically filled out for her, but then Olivia figured none of that would matter in a few weeks, anyway. She’d been frantically checking the mailbox waiting for some sort of correspondence or mail from USC in particular, but so far no dice.

She was too distracted today to make it out to the mailbox, but her father came in shuffling envelopes and his eyebrow arched as he his hands landed on a sizeable packet at the back. He rarely retrieved the mail himself, usually leaving it to the help to do so. Of course he chose today, Olivia thought to herself.

“USC?”, He said inquisitively. Olivia’s stomach dropped.

“Oh, interesting!”, Olivia replied coolly, trying to feign ignorance. “Here, I’ll just take it. It’s probably just a brochure, weird that they’d send it so late.” She took the envelope casually from his hands and tried to stay “breezy” as she walked up the stairs, her nerves percolating with excitement.

She closed the door behind and even walked into her ensuite, closing that door behind her as well before tearing into the envelope. A crisp, official looking piece of paper at the top was stamped with letterhead and began:

Dear Ms. Fisher:

Congratulations! University of Southern California is pleased to offer you admittance to the 2018-2019 academic semester. Attached below--

That was as far as Olivia read before dropping the paper and grasping her phone in her pocket, thanking whatever god existed that Diana was on speed dial. The phone rang and rang, Olivia’s patience wearing thin. Just as she was about to hang up and try again, Diana’s voice sounded over the phone.

“Hey babe!” She said happily. The rule was they never called unless it was safe to talk “normally”.

“I got my letter”, Olivia said without greetings or lead-ins.

“So did I.”, Diana responded.

“Well?” , Olivia said urgently.

“You first”, Diana chuckled. Olivia already knew from Diana’s tone she’d been admitted. USC had been her dream school, she’d have been devastated if she’d have been rejected.

“I got in!” Olivia exclaimed in a squeak of a whisper. If she were alone with her girlfriend right now, she would be jumping up and down, probably screaming in excitement. As it was, a squeaking whisper would have to do.

Diana started yelling enough for the both of them, anyway, as soon as the words were out of Olivia’s mouth. Carmen must not have been home because with all of the shouting Diana was doing, she’d have been coming to see what the fuss was about. Olivia turned down the volume on her phone to not disturb the peace around her as Diana continued, eventually calming herself down enough to exclaim:

“I’m so excited to celebrate tonight!”

“Me, too”, Olivia said smiling.

“Aren’t you excited, too?”

“No, no. I am. I just think I’m in a little bit of shock that we both got in. Wait. We both got in, right? ”

Diana laughed on the other end.

“Nope, they flat out rejected me. Just kidding! I’m going to USC in the fall! With you!”

Olivia’s stomach flipped over and back again as the room began to spin a bit. She needed to get dressed and do so many other things, but this was a moment to stay in. They were going to be together, college wasn’t going to split them apart. It had been a fear simmering in the back of her mind since the fall beforehand, and the palpable relief of it all felt as though a portion of the heavy load had been lifted from her shoulders.

Getting ready for this banquet in particular was like being propelled by clouds underneath her feet, like an animated movie with birds lifting her steps by her shoulders. The future seemed to be falling into place, no matter how daunting the present was.

One more mountain left to climb.

------------------

The club was always the club, a golf club that had been renovated most recently in the late 1990’s and still looked it, with thick green carpet inlaid with vine print and crested, paned two story windows near the entrance lobby where crimson-jacketed valets waited to whisk away club members vehicles. Non-members could have their car valet parked, as well, but it cost them a fee for any event. It was the first time Olivia had even stopped to take notice of that fact as she stepped out of the back of her father’s Range Rover, greeted by a blast of hot, dry air.

Her stomach was in knots as she stepped through glass doors opened by even more jacketed attendants and stood waiting for her mother to check some detail or other with the coat check station. It was uncomfortably cold in here as it usually was. God forbid anyone sweat a drop, Olivia thought as she wobbled on her heels.

“Well”, her father began awkwardly, “Sophia should be here already if you’d like to go and find her.”

Olivia had no idea how to respond so she offered a simple, restrained smile in return.

“Actually, I think I need to use the ladies room.”

“Oh, right. Off you go, then. I’ll let your mother know when she returns.”

Olivia turned without another word and began her way down a long corridor she knew would lead to a bathroom. She blew a stray piece of long hair out of her eyes with a small puff from her mouth as she teetered past the main banquet hall, soft piano music issuing from the expansive room along with the muffled conversations of hundreds of guests. With any luck, Olivia figured she’d be able to sneak out of this dinner early before the speeches started, with old men congratulating each other for making more money.

She didn’t know if she dared to push her luck and hope that she’d be able to escape with Diana. She chanced a glance inside the banquet hall and immediately found Caroline Smith in her usual red cocktail dress, Sophia not too far behind. Olivia’s eyes swept the room to find more important people, and she was shocked to see Mr. Styles and Mr. Tomlinson there, as well. She wasn’t entirely certain what interest they held in this, an amused smile playing across her features as she considered how they might be involved.

Before she could think too much further on it though, her eyes saw bright red hair and recognized Georgia before settling on the one who’d put her stomach in knots on the way here this evening.

Holy shit, were the only words flashing through Olivia’s mind. Diana was in heels with her hair elegantly swept back, a short green silk cocktail dress accentuating and hugging every curve of her body, her skin glowing and her eyes shining bright, smiling and holding a champagne flute as she animatedly chatted to her best friend beside her. She was a vision. Olivia was caught off-guard. Her leg instinctively turned to walk toward the girl she longed to stand beside, but her brain caught up with her before she could take another step.

It couldn’t hurt to talk to her publicly, could it? Stand in close proximity? Surely she was capable of managing these things without everyone in the room knowing they were madly in love lesbians. Against her brain’s judgement, she began walking over to where Diana and Georgia stood, a woman flanking Diana’s other side whom Olivia only vaguely remembered.

“Hi”, she said with a smile as she approached. Hi. Hi was good. Simple. Wouldn’t arouse suspicion. Diana’s eyes looked up from her glass and a wide grin appeared on her face. God she’s stunning, though. Olivia felt dizzy and didn’t know if it was the heels on her feet or Diana’s dress.

“L--Olivia!”, Diana fumbled over her name. Clearly this was starting well. Georgia’s eyes flickered back and forth between the two, her lips tight. “This is my stepmother, Nancy. She was there that night at The Pearl last fall”, Diana went on. Olivia stuck her hand out, catching sight of a giant diamond ring as Nancy returned the gesture.

“Pleasure to meet you.”

“And you. Diana’s told me so much about you.” Olivia’s eyebrow quirked.

“Oh?” Olivia’s fingers tingled. Had Diana told her father and stepmother about them without letting her know she had?

“Yes, so much about your family and your father’s business and all, it’s good to know who her dad will be working with.” Olivia had to work not to noticeably exhale in relief. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed two figures moving closer. Mr. Tomlinson and Mr. Styles approached, glasses in hand, to round out the burgeoning circle Olivia now found herself in.

“Good evening, ladies”, Mr. Tomlinson said jovially.

“Hi, Mr. T.!”, Georgia laughed, “Mr. Styles!”

“I should be offended”, Mr. Styles started lightheartedly, “that he gets a term of teacher endearment and I do not, but I won’t be.” He winked.

“So”, Olivia heard herself say, “I’m happily surprised to see you both here tonight. I didn’t know you were club members.”

“Well my dear, our sort do like a good round of golf”, Mr. Tomlinson said with another wink. Olivia’s breath seized before she heard Diana laugh, which eased her tension enough to give her a laugh, as well. Nancy stood back, looking somewhat confused.

“In all actuality, my father is a board member of your father’s business, Olivia”, Mr. Styles said more seriously. “Being members of this club and that fact along with your mother’s fabulous menu selections for the evening sealed the deal for us being here tonight.”

The irony of Mr. Styles paying her mother such a smooth compliment when she had been so nasty about him sat with Olivia until it dawned on her. Of course. Her mother knew about her two teachers. Knew they were together. Knew they were a couple.

She felt a palpable shift in the air as she heard her mother’s light and forced laughter (her “business laugh”, her father called it) from behind her. Diana’s face had gone somewhat ashen. They’d done quite a bang-up job of having Diana avoid Stacey’s presence over these last months, and she had never seen her girlfriend look more vulnerable than she did standing here now. She felt helpless to offer any consolation as she turned to face her mother.

“Good evening all”, Stacey began. “Nancy, it’s so good to see you again. You have completed your application for the Women’s Auxiliary Volunteer Committee, haven’t you?”

“I have, just last week”, Nancy replied amiably. Olivia wanted to roll her eyes. It was no secret Nancy would be an outsider in these social circles, even with the business connections to her husband. She wouldn’t be able to participate in the Daughters of the American Revolution and that was a fact that hung awkwardly in the air around them. Still, Olivia’s mother could always be counted on to barge onward.

“Oh good, we’re so pleased you’ll be joining us. Now if you’ll all excuse us, Olivia, a word over here?”

Great.

Olivia slid a last helpless look to her silent and frozen secret girlfriend before turning to walk with her mother and father to the side of the room nearest the bar.

“Olivia Grace, your friends are over there. I think it’s poor showing to be spending time with--”

“With the daughter and friends of the man my father is signing a business deal with?”, Olivia asked pointedly. Her mother’s face flatlined.

“I don’t have patience for tonight, Little Miss. We are so close to the end of this year, and this social event is highly significant for all of us. You know better. Now you can either find your friends, or you can have a seat here until I come back.”

Olivia looked over at Sophia, standing rigidly next to Tanner with painful smiles and dead eyes. Always the same. Always reaching. She stepped forward, pulled out the nearest chair, and sat down at the table it was placed at. If her mother could have, she would have shot daggers from her eyes at her daughter. Instead she sighed in exasperation and started to turn.

“Have it your way then, Olivia Grace.”

She wanted to scream at her that this wasn’t her way at all, instead she sought out Diana again, finding her in the green dress, sitting several tables away. Her eyes tried to convey apologies as she mouthed I’m sorry silently. Diana shrugged with a smile and tipped her drink toward her.

Olivia sat at the table for what felt like an eternity, alternating between placing her chin in her hand and drumming her fingers on the table, all with the intention of conveying immense boredom. Her gaze slipped between Diana and Georgia -who seemed inseparable, Sophia and Tanner, and her mother and father. It wasn’t until the sun had set and lanterns and candles had been illuminated that she saw her chance.

She watched her mother excuse herself from a mingling circle of women and disappear out of one entrance to the banquet hall. Moving quickly and with a bit of reckless abandon, she stood and walked over to the table where Diana now sat alone, as well.

“Come outside with me?”, she asked unceremoniously. Diana’s eyes lit up as she stood and the two walked side by side out of the glass paned doors that lead to the wrap-around balcony. The air was still excessively hot, and Olivia felt herself begin to sweat nearly instantly. When they were safely tucked away behind a column, Olivia moved closer and fixed her arms around her girlfriend’s waist, feeling the slick of the green silk. She leaned in to kiss her but Diana leaned back.

“Maybe still not for the best, love”, she said, a hint of sadness in her voice. “What happened back there with her?”

“Same old, same old. She thinks every move I make reflects on her and she wants to control it all. The usual.” Diana pulled back from Olivia and turned to look out at the golf course, fountains near the rear garden trying to drown out the droning of crickets as fireflies dotted themselves against the night sky. She sighed before turning back to Olivia.

“She scared me more than I wanted her to”, Diana confessed.

“She can’t do anything”, Olivia tried to console. She stood next to Diana and pushed herself as close as she could. Diana didn’t back away, but instead leaned over to rest her head on Olivia’s bare shoulder, Olivia breathing in her earthy scent and appreciating the risks they took to be together. The moment seemed to hover suspended in time, the way it always did when Diana stood next to her. She saw a door open from the corner of her eye and thought to move further apart, but stayed where she was.

It happened in a flash. Sophia’s voice seemed to come from nowhere in particular.

“Oh there she is, Mrs. Fisher”, she said loudly. Olivia and Diana sprang apart, startled and confused at the sudden interruption. It was too late, though. Before either of them could register what was happening, Stacey Fisher gasped as if she had been scalded with hot oil.

“What in the hell do you think you are doing?”

Olivia had never heard her mother curse before. Not once. Her head instantly went dizzy as she looked helplessly from her mother’s rage-filled face to the malicious smirk on Sophia’s face to the growing terror in Diana’s eyes. There was too much here for her to figure out what to say, but it didn’t matter because her mother didn’t give her time.

“I don’t know who you think you are” she hissed, addressing Diana, “but get the hell away from my daughter.”

Olivia’s mind was racing with possibilities, some sort of biological instinct to hide or run away screaming at her to try and placate her mother with lies that it wasn’t what it looked like. It was no use though, and she knew it. Sophia had seen her perfect moment to strike and she had taken it before their best laid plans could come to fruition for them. Olivia had a choice to make. Swaying forth on unsteady heels that supported unsteady legs, she formed something of a human shield in front of a shrinking Diana. She puffed out her chest, squared her shoulders, and spoke solidly.

“She doesn’t have to get away from me, mother. You do.”

Stacey Fisher’s eyes were blown with anger and vitriol. She spurned back as though Olivia had stepped forward and slapped her directly in the face. She grabbed Olivia’s hand and tugged her away from Diana, pulling her forward through the doors and into the banquet center and leaving Diana standing alone on the balcony with Sophia.

“Mom, what do you think you’re doing?”, Olivia protested loudly as Stacey continued to lead and pull her along behind her.

“If you won’t walk away from that trash then I’ll pull you away myself.” People were beginning to turn their heads and stare now, obviously deducing that something dramatic or other was going on. Stacey Fisher had never lost her cool in her years upon years of society life, she had always been the smooth and calculating but always gracious hostess. Now, as her hair came loose and her voice raised with shrieks of not my daughter, she seemed positively unhinged.

As they struggled along toward the exit, the room grew ever more silent. Some attempted to keep up conversation out of some sort of social grace, but people were too curious to know what was happening. Olivia’s wrist ached with her mother’s grip and she watched Mr. Styles step in front of them, palms raised in surrender.

“Mrs. Fisher”, he began softly. “Perhaps we can calmly disc--”

“Get out of my way”, she hissed back with no pretense or attempt at niceties. “You think I want your kind around my daughter? It’s because of you this has happened. I’ll see you fired for this.” She pushed past him, Olivia wrenching her wrist painfully out of her mother’s iron grip and stepping back to avoid any fallout as Stacey Fisher twisted around, eyes wild.

“Mother, stop this”, she pleaded, her voice still loud. “I’m not going to let you do this. The daughter you wanted doesn’t exist. Don’t you get it? I love her.”

Her mother’s eyes expanded and her mouth dropped in shock before it was quickly replaced once again by rage.

“If you think”, she positively spat at her daughter, “that you are welcome in my home after this evening, you are wrong. I never want to see you again.”

If it had been Olivia from months ago, her heart would have broken at these words. She had tried for so long and so hard to bend and shape and mold herself into a person her mother would be proud of. The moment she had found one thing all her own, a happiness that was sweet and unfettered, it was the end. Her mother was abandoning her.

Diana caught up behind Olivia, plucking up the hand attached to the still throbbing wrist. Olivia clasped it bravely and took a breath before she spoke.

“Don’t worry. You won’t.”

Without another word, she walked forward with Diana in tow, leaving people stunned behind them-- she passed her father, shock on his face, Olivia not turning to address him. They made their way out of the banquet hall doors, past the valet station and to Diana’s car in the parking lot before Olivia turned to Diana.

The two girls stared at each other for a long moment. Their love was no longer a secret, and the smoldering ashes behind them stood as proof to a deeper commitment than either of them had ever known. Diana pulled Olivia into an embrace.

“Let’s get you home”, she whispered.

Olivia sighed, no tears able to form in her eyes. She spoke lightly into Diana’s hair:

“I already am.”

Chapter Text

The month between the fateful country club benefit dinner and high school graduation had been surreal for Diana. She and Olivia had driven back to her mother’s house that night in a state of shock at what had just happened. Knowing there was a possibility of being outed and actually being outed were two different things, Diana had learned. She wouldn’t lie and say there wasn’t relief, but she could see an incoming tide of sorrow drifting toward Olivia’s nearly manic edges. She knew once the adrenaline of the events wore off there would be a collapse.

It came a few days later, when Olivia walked through the door from school and told her she’d had a conversation with her cheerleading coach, Maggie Lahey.

“I quit the team”, she said simply, dumping her school bag on the ground and slumping dejectedly by the shoulders. Her voice was thin with exhaustion, Diana had never seen her like this and wasn’t entirely sure how to approach it.

“What did she say?” Her tone was an attempt at casual, but Olivia looked peeved anyway.

“She said what everyone else has said about me lately, that she’s disappointed in me and thought I would do better.”

Olivia collapsed onto the couch opposite the chair where Diana had been sitting and rolled her head onto the back of the furniture. Diana hesitated to say what she really wanted to say, but it slipped its way out of her mouth, anyway.

“Not everyone is saying they’re disappointed in you or that you could do better, you know.”

Olivia’s head perked up, her eyes weary.

“I know”, she said slowly.

“Do you?” Diana’s words were pointed, she noticed Olivia visibly wince. “All I’m saying is, some people have been bending over backwards to help you. No one is saying your situation doesn’t suck, but--”

“My situation ?”, Olivia asked incredulously. “You mean that my parents kicked me out of their home, I lost all of my friends, and I quit the one thing I’ve focused most of my effort and attention on for the past fifteen years? That situation?”

Diana’s mouth pinched together as she seemed to decide whether or not to engage in this.

“People have been here with you through all of”, she said flatly. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she regretted them. There was no going back now, though. They were doing this. Olivia stood as her voice raised.

“Yes they have, but it’s still happening to me, it’s not like I can take it back now! And I don’t regret it!” Tears were flowing down her face as her voice grew thin and high pitched. “I don’t regret you, maybe that makes one of us!”

Diana had been trying to stay calm, but the accusation hit like a punch to the stomach, and she sat forward as she felt the anger rise like bile in her throat.

“Oh yeah, after everything that’s happened and every time  we were this close to the razor’s edge, but I’m the one who regrets being with you? When have I ever even given a single impression that I feel that way?”

“Maybe it would be a lot easier to swallow if you weren’t always pressing my face into it! All you’ve done and how everyone’s bent over backwards for me and I’m just the spoiled little rich girl who is so unappreciative--”

“Maybe if you took a moment to say it once in awhile!”

“It’s not my fault my parents hate me!” Olivia screamed, her voice breaking at the end from the intensity of it. She collapsed in tears onto the couch behind her before sliding to the floor and placing her head into her bent up knees. Audible sobs issued from her as Diana swallowed hard, slid to the floor next to her and pulled her closer to her shoulder, wrapping arms around her back.

“I know it’s not your fault, baby”, she whispered into Olivia’s hair. “I know.”

She held Olivia silently as the sobs began to lessen in frequency and she began to relax into her embrace, practically melting from fatigue and emotions that were running away from her.

“I’m so sorry that I’ve been so ungrateful”, Olivia whispered. Diana was flooded with affection once again, softening at the humble words spoken so softly from lips she knew so well. She pulled Olivia gently away from her so they could talk properly this time, tempers soothed by tears.

“You’re not ungrateful. I know how hard this has been for you. Maybe not in the same way, but it’s been hard for me, too-- to watch you struggle, to see you hurt, and to be so unsure that I’m worth all of that.”

“You are, though. You’re worth all of it and more. I’ve never doubted that.”

“I always want to be strong, I guess? Like if I can just be strong enough, it’ll make things easier on you. The night everything happened though, I wasn’t strong. I was terrified.”

“I was strong, though”, Olivia said without an ounce of irony or self-appreciation. “Sometimes I think I need to be the strong one more often. It can’t always just be you defending me and regulating me, you know? We’re in this together.”

Diana smiled slowly as she continued to stare at her spot on the carpet beneath her, hair falling down over her shoulders and hiding her face until she looked up at Olivia through thick lashes, eyes gleaming. She leaned into Olivia and pressed their foreheads together, lacing their fingers together on one hand.

“You and me, right?”

Olivia sighed. “You and me. Always.”

--------------------

Olivia spent most of her time after school in Mr. Styles’ classroom these days. Since quitting cheer right before state finals, and with National Honors Society and student council mostly adjourned for the year now that prom was over and graduation plans were finalized, she had little to do while she waited around for Diana to finish her yearbook duties.

Thank god that’s over this week, she thought to herself. Diana had been increasingly stressed as the week of yearbook final sales had approached, constantly shooting emails and barking on the phone to their manufacturer about different details for the design of the yearbook itself. For her part, Olivia had never imagined the process was so intense.

Her thoughts turned to prom as she stared out of the window absentmindedly. She had asked Diana if they should go, but in the end they had both decided against it. It was fresh on the heels of the night at the club, and both of them were still emotionally thin. They had stayed in with Carmen and Georgia, putting on loads of makeup for no reason and Olivia teaching all of them how to add glitter like a cheerleader, while having impromptu dance parties to George Michael and Madonna and Prince.

It had easily been one of the best nights of Olivia’s life.

“Oh Olivia”, she heard Mr. Styles say as he lumbered into the room. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Where else would I be?” She winked at him and he chuckled, sitting down at a desk opposite the one she was sat at and turning it slightly to fully face her.

“I suppose that’s true. I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you for a bit now, but hadn’t found quite the right timing, though of course you know I was happy to offer my room for you.”

Olivia smiled gratefully at her teacher, “I have so appreciated it”, she said. She was trying to work on verbalizing her gratitude more often rather than assuming people knew she felt it. Mr. Styles’ face lit with his smile.

“Well more than just offering you my room to wait for Diana, I wanted to offer you a solution. A resource, maybe.” Olivia gave him a quizzical look as he continued on. “There’s a center downtown that was built specifically for LGBTQ youth, they have a lot of programs and even housing facilities though I know you don’t need those for now. It’s called The Rainbow Room.”

“Oh”, Olivia said, “Actually I think I’ve heard of it? I’m pretty sure Diana mentioned it once awhile ago?”

Mr. Styles nodded. “I’m sure she did, she used to be a part of a mentoring program sponsored by The Room. I think it might help for you to see you’re not alone in this. So many have walked this road before you and are walking it with you now.” His smile was soft and genial, his eyes filled with genuine care and compassion. Olivia loved this man, and his husband.

“Did Mr. Tomlinson put you up to this?”, she laughed. He gawked incredulously.

“I’ll have you know I’m pretty good at coming up with suggestions like these all on my own!”, he said good naturedly, “And even if he mentioned it once or twice, it’s me who’s here now!” Olivia was positively bent over laughing now at his mock offense.

As though they had been called by the conversation, Mr. Tomlinson and Diana strode into the room with bright expressions, ready to be in on whatever joke was being shared between their partners.

“What’s all this?” Mr. Tomlinson boomed.

“Mr. S. was just letting me know about The Rainbow Room, totally all his idea, right?”

“Hey now”, Mr. Tomlinson shot back, “I thought of that originally!”

“You are lying, sir!”, Mr. Styles said as he stood to his feet. Now it was Mr. Tomlinson’s turn to balk.

“I would never do any such thing!”, he cried.

The four of them buckled with laughter as Mr. Styles gave Mr. Tomlinson a playful shove at the shoulder and Olivia stood to walk over to Diana.

“All jokes aside, I really do think The Room would be great for you, Liv”, Diana said. “We could head there now since we’re done early today. Thank god .”

“Tomorrow, Diana. Tomorrow is hand-out and sale day. We’re almost done.” Mr. Tomlinson said the words in staccato punctuation, almost as if he had been repeating them to himself like some sort of mantra.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you bright and early for set-up then!”, Diana replied in mock cheerfulness, an edge of sarcasm running underneath her words. Mr. Tomlinson returned the sarcasm in the laugh he responded with.

“Thank you again for the suggestion”, Olivia said to both of the men standing in front of her, not knowing whom to really thank for it.

“You’re welcome. Hey” , they said in unison, causing Olivia and Diana to start laughing again as they made their way out of Mr. Styles’ classroom, down the hall and out to the parking lot. Olivia was so busy laughing and playing around with her girlfriend that she almost didn’t even notice Sophia and Gigi standing nearby, and when she did catch sight of them in the corners of her vision it didn’t seem to matter anymore. Right now, in this moment, she was happy.

They drove along a busy street as traffic moved at a steady pace, people headed home from work and school and obligations. Olivia looked over at her girlfriend in the drivers seat of the car, deftly handling the steering wheel as she sang Florence + The Machine at the top of her lungs. The dog days are over, the dog days are done. The sun filtered through the windshield and Diana bopped her head, hair blowing in the wind from the rolled down windows.

Olivia was so in love with her. She joined in singing as the car wound its way down complicated city blocks, by the time they pulled up to their destination the two of them were screaming the final chorus in unison as they danced in their seats and then collapsed in fits of laughter.

“I am no Florence Welch”, Diana began.

“Oh hush. You have a great voice.”

“Well thanks, love. You’re not bad yourself.”

“Our children will have musical skills either way, so we’re blessed”, she winked.

“Children…” Diana said dreamily. Olivia let her sit for a second before broaching it again.

“Yeah, I mean someday, right?” Diana looked up at her and smiled.

“Yeah, I really think so. I mean, let’s graduate high school and tackle college first, but I think it’ll happen someday.”

Olivia leaned across the dash and kissed her. Kissing without caring who saw, kissing in broad daylight in cars and holding her hand walking down sidewalks had been one of the best payoffs of all of the turmoil of the last weeks.

“C’mon”, Diana said flinging her door open, “Let me introduce you to the best people I know beside you.”

Olivia happily followed Diana into the fully glass fronted building smushed between two office buildings. The glass door opened to reveal a modern lobby with a smooth gray wood welcome desk, sleek low-hanging light fixtures, smooth beige carpet, and red chairs that looked like bubbles off to the side where a flat screen television blared CNN— a rarity in their town that was fixated on Fox News.

Olivia recognized the boy sitting behind the desk typing away at a keyboard and concentrated on the computer screen in front of him.

“Danny?” She asked happily. The boys eyes flickered away from the screen and lit with a smile as he registered the two faces in front of him.

“Olivia! Hi! ...Fancy seeing you here?” He asked hesitantly. His eyes wandered down to the hand that was clasped tightly to Diana’s as he let out an unanticipated whoop. “Oh, I knew it!”, he exclaimed. “Sorry, I usually try to keep it low key, but I knew it the whole time we were rehearsing.”

“I think everyone did”, Olivia laughed.

“What am I, Daniel, chopped liver? After all we’ve worked together, I don’t even get a hello. I am saddened. ”

“You’re so dramatic”, Danny winked.

“ I’m the dramatic one, he says”, Diana snapped back with a playful roll of her eyes.

As they walked back toward what Danny called “the rec room”, Olivia began to realize that she had never seen this part of Diana’s life. They had been together well over half a year, but she had been so sequestered to interactions with Georgia and Carmen for so long. She wondered sadly how much time Diana had foregone at this place just to spend time with her.

“It’s good to see you back, Diana”, Danny said as if on cue. “You were getting kind of sparse there.”

“Well you know, life and all that. Can’t say my absence wasn’t worth it.”

Olivia’s heart swelled at the words as they turned into an expansive room with poured cement floors, brick columns, ample tables with plastic chairs, a pool table, a foosball table, and an area with well worn couches and easy chairs, another flat screen television, and a bookcase loaded with books and board games. At one end there was a roll up window that looked as though it lead back into a full size industrial kitchen. Rainbow flags draped the walls in varying colors, vinyl decals of quotes from various sources in between them.

“Welcome to the rec room”, Danny said, “this is where residents and non-residents come to hang out, spend time together, eat, play games, and have fun.”

“How many residents do you have?”, Olivia asked, eyeing two boys engaged in a chess match.

“At any given time up to thirty people, though we don’t separate by gender. We’ve had more than fifteen of either here and there and right now we’ve got eight girls, ten boys and four people who are nonbinary or genderfluid.”

“Forgive me, but it begs the question of how the bedrooms and such are set up?”

Danny smiled graciously back at her.

“It’s not a perfect system in a group setting, that’s for sure. We have three private bedrooms that are first come, first served and then we have two what we call ‘bunk rooms’ that are mixed.”

“Like, guys and girls together?” Olivia was trying to hide the incredulity in her voice but doing a poor job of it judging by Danny’s facial expression.

“Well we have pretty strict rules here, too. We have a community guidelines document that anyone signs as the staff are completing intake for residency, and it gives a pretty rigid ‘no sex on the premises’ rule.”

“How did this place come to be? Our town just doesn’t seem like the kind that would--”

“Support gay kids? Oh, they’re not. This center is privately owned and funded and we get hate mail every day. When it was first built, the city commission threw so many roadblocks in its construction path that it almost didn’t come to be. There might have been a bit of bribery.” Danny winked, “You didn’t hear that from me.”

At that moment, a large group began flowing into the hall from some place unknown, and the three friends sat at the table looked up at the raucous noise coming from them. It appeared the group was all boys, laughing and playfully shoving one another as they moved toward the area with couches and the television.

“Dinner will be soon”, Danny explained, “some people like to get a headstart.” Diana and Olivia continued to watch the boys with curiosity when Olivia’s attention piqued. Her eyes registered a face she recognized at the same time he looked over at her with dawning realization. There, in all his khaki short and boat shoes glory was Lake Johnson.

Olivia tried to temper her reaction, truly she did. If she had not been trying, she would have audibly gasped. As it were, her eyes widened significantly as her mouth dropped just slightly open. Diana seemed to understand she was recognizing someone she knew, before Olivia remembered Diana had never met Lake.

“Um”, Olivia hesitated, “I’ll… be right back.” She stood slowly and began to walk over to the boys group, leaving a curious Danny and a concerned Diana behind her. Lake’s facial expression changed from knowing to concern to an almost sheepish downcast gaze as Olivia grew closer. “Lake?” She said as if she didn’t know.

“Hey, Olivia”, he said simply, sticking his hands in his pockets. He had facial hair a bit grown in that she hadn’t seen before and the blue in his Polo shirt brought out a sparkle in his eyes even through what Olivia guessed to be embarrassment.

“You don’t--” Olivia started, growing unsure about where that sentence was headed and hesitating to finish it. She gave herself a moment and then decided to go on, Lake was only here for one of several reasons, anyway. “You don’t have to be worried. About me telling anyone, I mean. I won’t.”

“Oh”, he glanced up at her through lashes and smiled back down at his knees. “I’m not worried, but thank you. Anyone who needed to know knows now, so it’s not like it’d do any harm.”

“So your parents, they kicked you out?” Olivia realized she was being invasive a bit too late and rushed to add a disclaimer. “I mean, you don’t have to tell me. I just. I’m sorry I didn’t know?” Lake gave a guffaw of a laugh that had sarcasm running through it.

“Besides two boys at my very conservative Christian college whom I swore to secrecy, no one knew until everyone knew.”

“One of them decide to talk?”

Lake nodded solemnly, his head bowed and shoulders slumped. “I suppose it was only a matter of time, anyway. The school expelled me and my parents wouldn’t let me come back to the house so I slept in the bus station for a little while until I stumbled across this place totally by chance.”

Without thinking, Olivia reached over to grab his hand, his gaze jerking upward at the sudden touch. She offered him a smile and a squeeze of pressure, some attempt at reassurance and comfort.

“I didn’t get to go home, either. Well unless you count the two hours they gave me to come get my stuff.”

“I still have you beat, mine only gave me one and only with intervention from the staff here.”

“Are you okay here, though?”

Lake took in a deep breath and let it out on a sigh, his shoulders rising into a half shrug that lacked for definitive answers or clarity. “I wouldn’t say I’m okay. I would say I’m safe. And that with the help of the people I’ve met here, I’ll be okay one day. Hopefully soon.”

His honesty hit Olivia between the shoulders. She knew what this felt like-- survival and just being safe for awhile. Diana, Carmen, Georgia, Danny, Mr. Styles and Mr. Tomlinson, they had all made sure she was safe while the dust settled from an implosion. Today was the first day she felt more than okay but happy, positive, and as though things would be better for all she’d been through, for all they’d been through.

She leveled a stare at Lake, attempting to convey some sort of sincerity.

“It really does get better from here, now that you’ve found these people and these friends. Even if it takes awhile, it will get better and things will change. Count me as one of those friends, okay?” Lake flashed a brilliant smile and squeezed her hand again.

“Of course. The same to you. You won’t be a stranger, will you?”

Olivia looked across the room at Diana, whose concerned expression lightened considerably as her girlfriend met her gaze. The girl with the blue hair and the nose ring, the camera and the Nirvana band shirts-- the girl who loved her, the girl she loved.

“I’ll be around for awhile.”

Before they left that day, Olivia and Diana both completed sign-up forms for mentorship and volunteer programs that would be occurring throughout the summer. Danny gave them a tour of the rest of the facility, the dorms and the offices and the kitchen. Olivia saw fact sheet posters about pronouns and leaflets stuck to bulletin boards about a myriad of support groups, services, planned trips, and more. It occurred to her that there was still so much more to learn, and she couldn’t wait to get started.

-----------------------------

“Does my hair look weird?” Diana was smoothing flyaways near the top of her head with spit-slicked palm. Typical, Olivia thought.

“No, it doesn’t but you could use hairspray rather than spit”, Olivia laughed.

“That would take all of the fun out of it.” Diana said flatly, her eyes narrowing in toward her nose. They were going to have dinner tonight with Mr. Styles and Mr. Tomlinson now that finals were over and graduation was mere days away. Diana had changed her clothes three times and Olivia had never seen her as antsy but for one occasion, the night of the Big Out as she called it in her own head now.

“Why are you so keyed up”, she asked gently as she searched for lip balm in the center console of Diana’s car. She usually kept the good stuff in here, that was what nearly nine months of dating had taught her. Diana drummed her fingers against the steering wheel as they waited at a red light.

“It’s just it’s teachers, you know? Seeing them outside of school is unnatural.”

Olivia tipped her head back and laughed a laugh that filled the entire car.

“They’re not just teachers, though”, she said when she had quieted herself a bit, “they’re friends and they’ve been our biggest supporters since the start, even before your mom.”

Diana seemed to consider that. “Okay, that’s true. I’m still nervous, though.” Olivia shrugged as she swiped the lip balm over her lips. They were quite a bit more chapped consistently now that she was living in the same house as her girlfriend.

The car pulled into a planned neighborhood where the houses loomed large and fancy street lamps adorned the sidewalks, children riding bicycles and couples walking dogs while men pushed mowers over their grass. Diana’s mother was by no means destitute, and this was a step down from the private, circular, brick paved drives and grand entrances with guest houses and pool houses Olivia was used to. It fell somewhere in between-- upper scale but comfortable.

The house Diana slowed in front of was a Craftsman style with plenty of lattice work and columns, warm windows emanating with a yellow light made the place seem like home. Diana pulled into the short drive and parked the car, the two girls emerging at the same time and joining hands to walk up the walkway toward the heavy front door with etched glass. Olivia pushed the doorbell and looked over at Diana to offer her one last wink.

It took a moment before the door swung open, but when it did Mr. Styles stood in front of them in tailored jeans and a casual t-shirt, light blue and screen printed with a depiction of a battered and faded rainbow flag. His long hair, always tied back during the school day, fell around his shoulder and Olivia thought he looked exceptionally beautiful for it. He was holding a small French Bulldog who relaxed contentedly in his arms.

“Good evening, ladies! So glad you could make it. Come in, come in! This is Rizzo, by the way”, he held the snoozing dog up in his arms slightly to indicate whom he was talking about, startling the dog awake. “She’s old and generally crabby, but she’s not mean. Well, only sometimes.”

“You always baby that damn dog”, came Louis’ voice from a room Olivia guessed was the kitchen, he joined them in the entrance of the home and drew closer to Harry before poking his ribs. “I told you she’ll get infinitely more disgruntled if you baby her all of the time and I don’t.”

“Maybe that’s the point. She’s old and deserves it and you’re just cruel”, Harry said playfully.

“By the way, good evening girls it’s lovely to have you here. I hope you both enjoy chicken, it’s really the only thing I can cook and it’s my turn to cook.”

Diana and Olivia smiled and nodded, Diana chuckling a little at his self-deprecation of his own cooking skills.

“By the way, now that we no longer have to teach you valuable life lessons like why Shakespeare is an idiot and Lloyd Weber is like the uncle you don’t want to invite but will defend when other people attack, please feel free to call us ‘Harry’ and ‘Louis’. Those are our names, and they’re what our friends call us.”

“That might take some getting used to, Mr. T.”, Diana laughed. “But leave it to you to be the bad cook of the two.” Louis puffed out his chest at Diana’s words as they were lead into a cozy living room with off white sofas and white wood built-in shelves housing books, knickknacks, and an old Crosley turntable.

“I’ll have you know I’m an excellent chef”, he said indignantly as they sat.

“To be fair he really is quite good--”

“THANK YOU” Louis interjected loudly.

“--At this one chicken dish.” Louis deflated like a balloon and the other three began to laugh at his mock offense.

“Well I may not be a jack of all trades”, Louis shrugged, “but I am master of one chicken.”

Rizzo the Frenchie jumped down from Harry’s arms as he shifted himself forward and crossed his legs, the dog landing with a soft little thud on the thick area rug before clicking off on the dark hardwood floors and around the corner to parts of the home unknown. Harry’s eyes trailed after her for a moment before refocusing on the two girls in front of him.

“So Olivia, how did you like the Rainbow Room”, he asked casually, leaning back again and folding his hands over his crossed knees.

“Oh. I loved it, actually! Thanks for the suggestion, it was really great to be there. Danny gave us a tour and everything and I, uh. I saw a friend of mine there.”

“Oh?”, Louis asked quizzically, arching an eyebrow.

“Yeah, um. Lake Johnson?” Her pitch raised with the question.

“Oh we love Lake!”, Harry exclaimed as Louis nodded along. “Top quality young man, for sure. He’s incredibly smart and so helpful with some of the younger ones.”

“Yeah!”, Olivia’s tone brightened considerably at their knowledge of someone from a past life. “It was good to see him there.” Olivia’s mind wandered for a moment. She always thought Mr. Styles (or ‘Harry’ as she was supposedly referring to him now), would have gotten along particularly well with her father. She pushed the thought away to ask a question instead. “So, how are the two of you connected to the Rainbow Room? Like, how did you get started there?”

Harry smiled softly as Louis’ eyes widened and his head turned toward Diana.

“I take it you didn’t tell her anything?”

Diana laughed. “I mean we were a bit preoccupied with some things. But she’s worked out the two of you are a couple if we’re unsure about that.” Harry and Louis laughed as Olivia looked between the three faces staring at her now, trying to gather just how much she had “worked out” beyond the glaringly obvious. The answer was sure to disappoint them.

“What am I missing”, she asked slowly.

Harry shifted a bit in his seat again as he concentrated.

“Olivia, did you know Louis and I attended the very same high school you did?”

“Oh…” Olivia said softly, “No I guess I hadn’t realized that… wait, how did you know?” She asked Diana, turning to her girlfriend with a mixture of confusion and a dash of frustration.

“Well they’ve always volunteered at the Room with me, far back as I have. So I’ve known they were together for awhile, I just didn’t figure out certain things until this year. After I saw something etched on my locker. HS + LT. ”

Olivia saw Louis smile and reach to take Harry’s hand in his own. The initials struck her suddenly.

“The… two of you have been together since high school…?”

“Indeed. We have”, Louis said. “Junior year. This idiot with curly hair wouldn’t stop being nice to me. I just wanted to read my Shakespeare in peace, you know. And high school was hell. But the drama teacher at the time convinced me to do a production of West Side Story, and rather than falling in love with Maria, I fell in love with Riff.”

“Gives me goosebumps still”, Diana whispered.

“Wow… it’s like us.” Olivia said as the story sank in.

“ Exactly ”, Harry interjected, “It’s why Louis and I figured out what was going on fairly early on. We’d lived it before.”

“So… what happened? I mean obviously you ended up together but this was awhile ago--”

“Hey now”, Louis said with a wink, “it wasn’t that long ago. But anyway, Harold here was only allowed to student direct and act under the expectation from his parents that he would keep up with other things and move back east after high school to go to Yale.”

“Your parents are New Englanders?”, Olivia asked with mouth half open. “How did I not know? My mother is from New England society.”

“Oh”, Harry answered, “I know. I know Stacey quite well.”

“Y-you do?”, Olivia asked skeptically. How could Harry Styles know her mother?

“Yes, I do. Because I attended Yale as my family expected me to do for three semesters. Your mother was in the freshman class along with me.”

A timer in the kitchen dinged faintly and Louis’ eyes popped open from remembering something he seemed to have forgotten in the midst of their conversation.

“That’ll be the asparagus. Now that it’s done, I do believe we’re ready to eat. Do you girls like asparagus?”

Diana nodded for the both of them as everyone stood, Diana practically pulling a stunned Olivia to her feet and dragging her along behind her to the dining room. As they eased into dining chairs and Harry offered them glasses of bubbly sparkling water, Olivia’s questions bubbled to the surface.

“Why did you never tell me you knew my mother? Why did she never tell me?”

“Ah”, Harry said as he sat down, “I never told you because I never found it relevant until quite recently and it wasn’t my place as your educator. I would assume your mother never told you because of the history between the two of us.”

Olivia looked at Diana again, who was arching a brow as Louis carried the last platter in and settled into his own chair next to Harry.

“You knew this? And what history?” The questions were directed at two different people, but Olivia couldn’t take her face off her girlfriend.

“I didn’t know this part”, she said in response. Olivia saw Louis dishing chicken out on plates, adding scoops of mashed potato and asparagus. He swallowed hard with shifting eyes, seeming a bit nervous.

“What history?”, Olivia asked again. She realized she sounded demanding, but more than anything she hated when information was kept from her. Harry leaned back in his chair and scratched the back of his neck as he stalled slightly, finally shrugging his shoulders.

“Well, I’m sure you know as well as I do that debutante betrothal is still a sort of unspoken thing…” his sentence trailed off as he left the two girls to make their own conclusions.

“ What? ” Olivia spat. “ You and my mother? ”

“I don’t get it”, Diana piped up. “What is ‘debutante betrothal’?”

“They were engaged.” Olivia said flatly. Diana’s eyes became the sizes of small tea saucers as she turned her head slowly to the man who was sitting opposite from her at the table taking a long sip from a glass of deep red wine.

“To be fair”, he said slowly as he set his glass down, Olivia noticing the tattoos on his bare arms for the first time and realizing that was why he never wore short sleeves, “We were never engaged. It never got to that point, though… it came quite close.”

“I thought you two said you’d been together since high school?” Diana directed toward Louis, who had been heavily preoccupied with cutting his chicken. He looked up at the rest of them now and swallowed hard again.

“We… have.”

The three of them sat in silence for a moment as Diana and Olivia allowed these revelations to sink in. As the pause stretched, Diana pressed a thumb into Olivia’s knee under the table, a sign of reassurance and grounding. Olivia drew a deep breath and looked into Harry’s strikingly green eyes.

“You came out, didn’t you? Rather than propose?”

Harry nodded wordlessly.

“So you didn’t drop out of Yale then? You were forced to leave?”

He nodded again.

“I made the right choice”, he said softly.

Olivia let silence settle one more time before carefully whispering,

“So did I.” She looked over at Diana, who was beaming, and at Louis next to Harry, who was equally beaming. “We both did.”

“When Louis and I caught on to what was happening with you, we wanted to help but were unsure of the boundary lines. If our help was delayed, we apologize for that. It’s taken me a bit longer than I’d like to do the things for our community that I’d like to but I think we’re getting there.”

“All of us”, Louis whispered with a smile. Diana leaned forward.

“What do you mean?”

“Well”, Louis started, “The money for the Rainbow Room came from a private investor and that investor chose to keep it private for a reason. The investor was Harry’s father. ”

“‘DS’ is your father?”, Diana asked. Olivia was momentarily dumbstruck as Harry nodded again.

“Desmond Styles, that’s my father. Olivia, I don’t tell you all of this to overwhelm you. I tell you this to let you know that people can change. When I came out and told my father about Louis, he disinherited me and forced me out of Yale. It was hard times, I don’t know what I would have done without Louis, always patient and good and giving. But about six years ago, my father called me to have lunch. I almost didn’t go but changed my mind at the last minute and I’m very glad I did.”

“So it was all okay just like that?”, she asked nearly breathless.

“Well not ‘just like that’, no. We had a lot to work on. It took a couple of years. It was the best day of my life, the day I brought Louis home for Christmas. My father completely withdrew from society life. My mother left the DAR. They lost a lot of friends, but my father chose to redirect and invest in things that helped make the world a better place. It’s not everyone’s story and god do I know how lucky I am. But I don’t want you to lose hope.”

Olivia looked down at her plate, chicken and mashed potatoes growing cold.

“Thank you”, she said simply and delicately. She looked up, her own eyes flickering back and forth between blue and green. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for us.”

Louis raised his glass. “A toast to all four of us. Here’s to survival, love, and being done with the hellhole that is high school.” The other three lifted their glasses with a unison “Cheers”, and several clinks to follow.

As their former teachers bid them goodbye that evening and waved them down the short drive back to Diana’s car, Diana greeted Olivia with bright, cheerful eyes.

“I was not expecting that”, she said happily. “I mean, are you okay?”

“Still a bit stunned, I think”, Olivia said as she clipped her seatbelt into place. “But I’m so thankful for them. We have more people for us than against us.”

Diana reached across the center console and clasped her girlfriend’s hand before bringing it to her mouth for a quick kiss.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too”, Olivia said dreamily. “Let’s go home.”

-------------------------------

“This gown is itchy and hot and I don’t like it”, Diana said as she pulled on the cheap silken fabric.

“Will you stand still, I am trying to take a candid photo”, Olivia laughed.

“It’s not candid if you tell me what to do, Liv.”

Olivia sighed as Diana adjusted her bejeweled graduation cap. They had made them together, taking an entire evening with fake plastic gemstones and hot glue and glitter glue to make the designs. The two matched with a night sky on Diana’s and a dawn setting on Olivia’s. Diana’s read simply: “Me, her, and the moon” and Olivia had taken quite some time (and nearly run out of space) to write “Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise”. The Les Miserables quote felt incredibly applicable, and it had had to be perfect because she only had one cap, she had been pleased with the results.

“Carmen, can you take a picture of us”, Olivia asked as they stood outside the car.

“Another one?” Diana asked with mock frustration. She posed anyway as Carmen clicked away.

“I think I’m pressing the right button”, Carmen laughed. Diana rolled her eyes playfully.

“You know, I’ve only been behind a camera for like six years, but sure pretend you don’t know anything about them.”

“I don’t”, Carmen shrugged. Olivia laughed as Diana checked the time on her phone.

“We’d better get going. Don’t wanna be late for our very important date!” Carmen hugged Diana first, then Olivia.

“Graduated girls the next time I see you…” She started searching in her purse and plucked out a plastic package of facial tissue. “I’m gonna need these!”

“Try not to cry too much, mama”, Diana winked.

“I make no such promises. Now go. I need to find Georgia’s parents and annoy them for the next two hours with things like my emotions.” Carmen walked away as the girls watched her go, they heard a voice behind them.

“Alright losers”, Georgia said playfully, “let’s get this show on the road. Some of us have stuff to do.”

Danny stood by her side and smiled back at them. He’d had no one to walk with down the graduation line, and Olivia had wanted to honor the promise Georgia and Diana had made to each other when they were still freshmen that they’d walk together, so Olivia had asked Danny to be her walking buddy and he’d happily agreed. Olivia beamed as the group walked toward the football field. It felt good to have a group of friends again, especially headed back to the football field that held so many memories for her.

She spotted Sophia walking with Gigi as they began to swarm around the entrance where they’d been told to line up at the run through earlier in the day. Sophia glanced back at her for a moment, her features and expressions unreadable before turning back to whatever she’d been saying to her new best friend. Olivia heard a miniscule throat clear behind her and turned to see Eleanor.

“Hey”, she said with a smile, “I just wanted to say congratulations and all. Are you going to Grad Bash?”

“Oh”, Olivia said, “No, I don’t think so? I think we were all going to go downtown tonight and hang out at The Rainbow Room. You’d be welcome to come if you’d want to.”

She had recounted the story of Eleanor’s apologies and offered friendship on the ride home after regionals to Diana that same night, but now she could still feel the hesitation emanating from her girlfriend as she stood beside her.

“Oh hey, thank you. I’d really love to come. I have to make an appearance at the bash since I was on the board for it and all. Maybe after?”

Olivia smiled. “I’d like that. And hey, congratulations to you, too.”

Eleanor leaned in to give Olivia a quick hug before turning back to a bigger football player named Conner, who Olivia knew as her boyfriend.

She twisted back to meet Diana’s eyes. “You ready to do this?”, she asked as Pomp and Circumstance began to play softly out in the stadium. Diana nodded.

“You okay?”

Olivia shrugged. “I’m here with you. That makes it more than okay.” They slipped their hands together momentarily before Mr. Payne appeared at the front and began barking orders to line up in their pairs. Diana gave Olivia a barely noticeable peck on the forehead.

“See you in a bit.” She squeezed her hands before joining Georgia at her place in line as Olivia assumed her position beside Danny.

The line began to move forward and Olivia walked with its flow before reaching the tunnel entrance, waiting for Mr. Payne’s signal to go. Finally he lowered a finger to indicate to Olivia and Danny that they should begin walking. The two began to step in tandem and Olivia was blinded by sunlight pouring over the ceremonies, her faux silk gown brushing against her legs thanks to a hot breeze.

They really should make these gowns short sleeved , Olivia thought. She’d be roasting by the time this was all over. Her stomach flipped as she thought of what was ahead of her. As National Honors Society president, she was asked to make a speech. When everything had happened, she had been ready to pass that duty off to her vice president, a very bright boy named Chase. Diana had convinced her she should do it, though, so she found herself with a tattered piece of paper scrawled with her notes in hand.

The principal of the school approached the microphone at the end of a tall wooden podium to give his welcome after everyone was seated and the music had ceased. Olivia craned her neck to find Diana sitting a row behind her and several seats to the side. She wished they were sitting together in this moment, but then it was a poignant reminder of all they had overcome separately, too-- Olivia had learned to see other people and hear their stories, she had learned how to fight for her happiness. Diana had learned how to trust the goodness in people a bit easier, how to let her guard down and believe in something genuine.

Olivia tried not to be flooded with emotion as she worked it all out while people spoke words she didn’t hear and Danny rose to approach the stage and sing a song, something about holding on to precious moments, the first lines made Olivia tear up: Let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder, don’t you know?, the hardest part is over.

She looked back at Diana who was ready and waiting for her gaze, her own brown eyes brimming with tears. The hardest part truly was over, and it was time to move into a future together. Suddenly, the music was over and the principal was introducing “National Honors Society president, Olivia Grace Fisher”. She stood to a smattering of applause, hearing Diana give a little whoop behind her and bringing a smile to her face.

She walked to the stage, up the rickety stairs, and to the podium where she looked out on a sea of faces, some with the same square caps and bored faces as her own had been moments earlier, some older and seeming even more bored if it were possible. She swept the crowd once for any sign of her parents, but saw nothing. She took a deep breath and let her eyes do one more sweep, falling to one side and stopping.

Her father sat several rows behind the blue gowns, and offered a weak and pained smile when their eyes met. Olivia took another deep breath to steady herself before she began speaking.

“I’m supposed to say something inspirational”, she began. “I’m supposed to stand up here at the end of thirteen years of hard work and sleepless nights and plenty of tears and tell you that everything is going to turn out just fine and that life is going to be a blast for you. The truth is, I don’t know that I can reassure you of that.” She paused to look at Diana, who was smiling broadly back at her, her blue and black hair growing frizzy in the heat.

“The faceless moniker ‘they’ will tell us all through our twenties and probably for the rest of our lives that we need to keep working, need to keep losing sleep, need to keep having those intense experiences to feel alive. I don’t know that this is true, either. In the end, the memories we carry forward with us are the things we learned about ourselves and about other people: that people are not always who you think they are, that some people are exactly who you think they are. We have learned that we are capable of much more than we may first think, and hopefully we have also learned how to be kind to ourselves. We have learned what love is by demonstrating it every day and by witnessing where it may be lacking.”

Olivia didn’t quite know if the hush that had fallen over the crowd was good or bad, but she figured there was no stopping now, she she pushed forward.

“No matter how hard you work or toil, no matter the great things you do in this life, the greatest thing you will ever do is to love someone and be loved in return. And when life gets hard and you grow tired and weary from the ache in your shoulders or your heart, I hope you look back to these times and remember that love carried you through before and it will do so again. Be a doctor. Be a nurse. Be a writer. Be a photographer. Be a scientist. Be a musician. Be an actor. Be an engineer. But above all, please be love. Live love loudly, and no matter what you are you will never be wrong or empty. To the class of two thousand and eighteen, I charge you to change the world with a mission of love. Thank you.”

She stepped away and turned to walk away from the podium silently, nearly reaching the stairs before the crowd in front of her burst into raucous applause. She passed Harry and Louis sitting next to each other in their own black gowns, Harry standing to give her a quick hug and Louis winking at her from his chair.

“I’m proud of you”, he whispered as he pulled himself away from her.

Thank you , she mouthed knowing it was pointless to speak.

------------------------

As Olivia swaggered happily toward the parking lot arm in arm with Diana and Georgia with Danny in tow, she felt nearly lightheaded with happiness. The scrolled piece of paper in her hand was meaningless, she’d get her real diploma in the mail in a few weeks, but to her it felt as though it might have the power to lift her off the ground and help her fly.

“Olivia”, a rough voice sounded behind the group. All of them turned at once to see Olivia’s father standing there looking slightly rougher for the wear, his navy blazer concealing what Olivia knew would be sweat patches. He’d never imagine taking his blazer off at a formal event, though, not in a million years. His hair seemed speckled with more silver and Olivia saw stubble on his face the longer she looked at him. He smiled his fragile smile again, crinkles forming at the outer corners of his eyes. “Can we talk?”, he asked timidly.

“Olivia”, she heard Carmen’s voice before she saw the small boxer of a woman. “Are you okay? Do we need to get help?” She loved Carmen Kwame. The mom who would storm the gates of hell just to make sure Olivia was safe.

“I’m okay”, she said confidently, evenly. “We can talk”, she addressed her father who was holding his palms out now to show he meant no harm. “Let’s go over here”, Olivia indicated an iron work bench that sat next to a similar iron waste receptacle, both painted blue and white.

“You have your phone if you need us”, Diana called after her. Olivia turned and flashed a thumbs up before joining her father on the bench. They sat in silence while Olivia adjusted the gown, thinking she really should have taken it off as soon as they hit the tunnel like Diana had. It was sweaty and uncomfortable, clinging in all the wrong places.

“Thank you for coming today”, she said quietly.

“I wouldn’t have missed it. I mean that.” Olivia looked up at her father, his face showing every line and crease of the years and his light blue eyes that matched Olivia’s watery and puffy from crying.

“I see she decided not to come”, Olivia remarked. Her father shrugged in return.

“We didn’t talk about it beforehand.”

There was another awkward pause before her father took a deep breath in and slapped his knee.

“You need to know that your mother and I…” he trailed off, contemplating how to continue, “Your mother and I may no longer be married soon.”

“Oh…” Olivia replied, unsure of how to respond. “It’s… it’s not because of me, is it?”

Her father’s eyes overflowed with sincerity as he leaned closer to her.

“No. No. Absolutely not. What happened that night was really just, mainly a final straw. I wasn’t even aware it was occurring until I returned and heard from Herb Johnson. I couldn’t believe your mother that night, the things she said, the way she, she presented herself--”

“Is it only about what other people think of you having a gay daughter?” Her father flinched ever so slightly and Olivia realized she was getting more comfortable saying it out loud. The question had come from her mouth before she could stop it, but she didn’t regret it. It was an honest question.

“I need you to know that this time, it’s not about what people think. What people think can be damned”, her father dropped the rare curse word and his eyes grew wider. “What it was about… well it was about your mother embarrassing you like that. Not keeping her composure and discussing everything rationally. Civilly.”

“Would you have been civil if it had been done a different way?” Another honest question, Olivia was on a roll. Her father looked down at his hands and paused, contemplating what she had asked of him.

“I think before recently I would have liked to think I may have, yes. But then one day I was at the club preparing to play a round with Herb and some other men, and he told me about what had happened with Lake. You know about Lake, I presume?”

Olivia’s stomach twisted at the mention of an acquaintance who had recently become a dear friend. Because of Herb Johnson -his father- Lake was essentially homeless and having to build his life from scratch.

“I know about Lake”, she said flatly trying to detach herself from the anger that had risen in her.

“It was when Herb very briefly and unemotionally told me Lake was no longer living with them and refused to directly answer my further questions that I did a little digging of my own. A particularly helpful worker at the club told me what happened. And I felt sick. I realized that was what I had done to you.”

“Lake is homeless.”

Apparently being blunt is what I’m doing today, Olivia thought.

“Is he safe?” Her father had a hint of urgency to his voice.

“Yes”, Olivia replied, “Thanks to the Rainbow Room he’s doing just fine.”

“And you? What about you? Have you been living there, as well?”

Olivia sighed, her shoulders lifting and then dropping.

“Carmen let me stay with her, Diana’s mom. Diana is my girlfriend.” This time, her father didn’t flinch. He held her gaze and reached out to touch her knee gently.

“Are… are you happy? Does she make you happy?”

“More than anything”, Olivia said without hesitation.

“Right. Right.” Her father seemed to be mulling things over in his head again, before nodding astutely and fixing a button on his blazer. “Right. Well. I’ve found out as well that you’ve committed to USC, is that right?”

“How do you--” Olivia asked without finishing the question.

“I have my ways, it’s not important. Diana has been accepted, as well?”

Olivia nodded.

“Right. So I’ll be taking care of your tuition then, and helping with hers. You’ll need an apartment in Los Angeles, too, and I can take care of that I know a brilliant realtor down there who can find something perfectly suitable. And then--”

“Dad”, Olivia interjected softly. “You don’t--”

“Do not”, her father cut her off in turn, “Say that I ‘don’t need to’. I absolutely do.”

“Is it a way to try and make up for things?”, Olivia asked with today’s bluntness. He moved closer to her again, taking her hand in his.

“Olivia, listen to me. You are my daughter, my only daughter. I had always planned to take care of your education, I’m not about to renege on that promise now. No, the only way I would is if you are no longer Olivia Grace Fisher. Are you still she?”

Olivia laughed lightly and patted herself down quickly before saying, “I’m pretty sure that’s still me!”

“Good. Right. Then this is my role as your father. I’m not about to let any daughter of mine struggle any more… any more than she already has”, his voice caught with tearful emotion as he finished his thought and Olivia squeezed his hand.

“I love you, dad.” The words felt heavy to Olivia, hers had not been a childhood household of declarations of love or affection, she couldn’t remember the last time her father had told her he loved her or anything of the sort. Sure as she sat on that bench on this insufferably hot summer day though, her father looked her full in the face, eyes brimming with tears, before pulling her into a bone crushing hug.

“I love you, my daughter. And I am immensely proud of you”, he said into her ear.

They hugged for longer than she had hugged anyone in her family in her entire life, long enough for Olivia to wonder how long it had been since her father had given or received a proper, long lasting hug.

“I’ve got to get going to catch a flight to China for a couple of weeks”, her father said gruffly, still trying to work himself out of the tears in his eyes. “Business and all that. When I get back we will have lunch and talk details, yes?”

Olivia smiled. “Yes.” Her father stood and straightened his jacket again. “And dad?”, she said as she stood in turn.

“Mm?”

“Thank you for being here today. Thank you for everything.”

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else”, he replied, giving her hand a final squeeze before dropping it and turning to walk to his car. “Two weeks, I’ll call!” He exclaimed over his shoulder as he reached his car, climbed in, and drove away. Olivia watched him go before turning herself and heading to the other side of the giant parking lot, the place she and Diana had had their first real conversation. She looked around and took it all in before reaching the place where Diana stood.

“Are you okay?”, she asked hurriedly as Olivia made her way closer.

“Yeah. I think I’m actually really okay. Definitely okay”, she smiled. “And I’ve got a lot to tell you guys”, she said looking between Carmen and Diana.

“First the Rainbow Room, though?” Georgia interjected.

“The Rainbow Room first always”, Olivia laughed. Diana clasped their hands together as they walked toward their car.

“You’re really okay?” Diana asked skeptically. Olivia laughed.

“Trust me, Di. I’m more than okay. Wait until I tell you why.”

“I love you”, she said with a large toothy smile.

“I love you, too. So much. Now let’s go party.”

Diana started the car and they drove forward, off to forge their own happiness where ever they could find it.

Chapter Text

Olivia’s keys jingled in her hand as she attempted to balance two paper grocery sacks, a cardboard cup holder carrying precious coffee, and a bunch of Calla Lilies wrapped in brown paper and tied with twine. She had insisted on the apartment with the walk-up at the beginning of their sophomore year in college, and she had to say she was regretting that decision right about now.

She twisted the keys in the door and propped it open with an arm as she gently batted away Cooper the Cat with one foot. Cooper had been a present to Olivia last Christmas after months of loudly declaring they had no pet and nothing to ease their stress or take care of. Diana had just as loudly shot back that taking care of themselves through finals was enough of a chore that they didn’t need to add to, but Olivia had won in the end.

Cooper rubbed against Olivia’s leg, nearly threatening to tip her before she regained her balance. She made it to the kitchen where she dumped the grocery bags on the floor and threw her keys in a wooden bowl on the counter. She grabbed her own coffee and took a sip, letting the slightly sweet and bitter liquid recharge her. It had been an unseasonably cool California morning in Los Angeles, but it was a Saturday and it was Diana’s birthday and she had a plan.

She unwrapped the paper wrapping on the flowers as carefully as possible, sure the crunching would wake her notoriously light sleeper of a girlfriend. After she had the paper safely in the garbage can and realized Diana must have really done herself in last night to be sleeping so soundly, she figured it was safe to turn on the tap to fill a vase while snipping each flower stem. She placed the flowers in the vase and set them on the counter before digging into one of her shopping bags and emerging with a single cupcake piled high with rainbow chip frosting.

I even bought candles, I’ve got this, she cheered herself on as she stuck a candle down into the cupcake and searched for the lighter she knew was around her somewhere. After her shaky caffeine hands had the candle lit, she padded her way gently out of the kitchen and down the hall, careful not to let the candle flame extinguish as she nudged the bedroom door open. She started singing softly,

Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday to you,

She got a bit louder now as she watched Diana rouse in their bed.

Happy birthday dear Diana-AHHHH

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

She abandoned the cupcake on the nightstand to jump into the bed where her girlfriend lay still pretending to sleep, messing up the duvet and bouncing nearly on top of her until Diana reached a hand out to bat at her, swat her away.

“‘S-my birfday”, she said sleepily, “Lemme sleep.”

“Oh no you don’t!” Olivia exclaimed as she snatched the fluffy duvet back from Diana’s face. The blue that had been in her hair was completely gone now, Diana had shaved one side of her head in a bold and half-drunken attempt at bravado one night, loudly telling Olivia that the “patriarchy had no hold over her” and vowing to shave it all before refusing to let the barber go any further after the first half was done. Luckily, she pulled it off with ease like Olivia knew she would.

“Did you feed Cooper?” Diana asked, obstinately refusing to engage Olivia’s attempts at birthday cheer. Olivia glanced over Diana to the nightstand where Cooper was licking the frosting on the cupcake, ignoring the candle that was liable to burn the shit out of his nose any moment.

“Cooper! Bad kitty!”, Olivia screeched, flying off the bed and shooing the cat away from the cupcake. Diana rolled over to see what the commotion was and promptly burst into a fit of giggles at the sight of her girlfriend with a half nibbled and still flaming rainbow cupcake.

Olivia shrugged, “I’m sure it’ll still taste fine, anyway! Blow out the candle and make a wish!”

“Liiiiv”, Diana groaned.

“Di, I really don’t have time for your shenanigans this morning. We have birthday cupcake to wish upon, coffee to drink, breakfast to make and eat. I’ve been up since six and we have a full day planned, now stop groaning and make your wish.”

Diana smiled as Olivia brought the cupcake closer, squinting up at her through half closed eyes before finally clamping them shut and exhaling a short puff of air that extinguished the candle in one go. Olivia flicked the candle out of the cupcake and then, seeing that her girlfriend’s eyes were still closed, decided to half heartedly push one side of the cake up into Diana’s face.

“I can’t believe you!”, Diana laughed as she dunked two fingers into the frosting and reached over to smear them around Olivia’s face, peals of laughter issuing from both of them as the impromptu food fight raged on.

“Well now your coffee will be cold by the time we shower this off! My plan is ruined!” Olivia wasn’t seriously put out, but Diana waggled her eyebrows back at her.

“ Your plan might be ruined, but mine is perfectly intact”, Diana launched herself at Olivia, pressing kisses into her face and onto her lips and tangling her fingers in her hair. Olivia certainly hadn’t anticipated morning shower sex, but now that it was happening she couldn’t say she minded.

-----

As they sat at their small, glass-topped breakfast table in fresh pajamas, riding high on bliss from strawberry and banana pancakes and top notch orgasms, Diana smiled at her.

“You know”, she said through a mouthful of pancake and whipped cream, “birthdays have gotten infinitely better in the past three years.”

Olivia smiled back at her. “Twenty-one. Whatever will we do this year?”

“Oh, I have big plans”, Diana said matter of factly, pouring herself another glass of juice and setting the bottle back on the table.

“Do you now?” Olivia couldn’t say she wasn’t curious.

“Mhm”, Diana said simply, standing just enough to get over to Olivia, straddling her lap in her seat. She pressed a long kiss to her lips and then another to the side of her jaw. “I have plans to love a girl I’ve been loving for three years. She kinda grew on me.”

Olivia laughed breathily as Diana kissed her neck.

“But you still don’t like her, right? Even though you love her?”

“Nope”, Diana whispered, “Not even a little bit.”

Diana stood up fully and pulled Olivia up with her, leading her by the hand.

“I hope the rest of the birthday plans aren’t time sensitive”, she said as she fell into their bed and pulled Olivia down with her. “We’re going to be here for awhile.”

“Mm… you and me?” Olivia whispered.

The sunlight filtered through the windows and on Diana’s face, fractals beaming on the bed as dust motes floated down lazily and Cooper the Cat purred softly from his cat tree in the corner.

“You and me.”