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“So hold me tonight
Tomorrow was made for some
And we may never meet again
For all we know.”
McCoy knew that he was making a hash of the words of the song that he was trying to remember. He didn’t even know if it was a real song or not. He just knew that the words satisfied the lonely feeling deep inside him. He didn’t want company, he didn’t want solace, he just wanted to wallow in this funk. It was his melancholy mood, damn it, and he was going to make the most of it.
Sometimes, when someone is in a bitchy mood like that, it’s best just to let the person go on and chew on the soggy rag of self-pity that seems to be preferred. After all, if McCoy had wanted company, he’d asked for it. Jim had been wise enough to leave him alone, and no one else would even think about breaching his mood.
That’s why it came as a surprise when his door chimed.
Now what, he wondered as he stared at the offending door as if it had committed the audacious act of chiming on its own. That’s why he was further surprised a moment later when that same door had the nerve to open on its own volition without McCoy’s consent.
Spock stood framed in the doorway. He looked worried.
“Doctor? Are you alright?”
A lot of answers went through McCoy’s mind. Everything from a snarling remark full of the acid that McCoy was feeling to a heartfelt greeting with tears in his eyes because someone had hunted him up. He settled for something in between.
“What are you doing here?” Kinda snarly, now that he thought about it.
“You looked like you needed company.”
McCoy turned aside. “What in the hell would you know about feelings or needs?” Still snarly.
Spock apparently stepped inside because McCoy heard the door close and Spock’s answer. He wasn’t supposed to be hearing Spock’s answer if Spock had remained in the hallway. McCoy didn’t have Vulcan hearing; Spock did.
“I realize that I may not be an expert in the emotions that may upset Earthlings, but I am willing to listen and try to understand what is troubling you.”
With a look of surprise, McCoy turned to face Spock. “I had no idea that you would even waste time on someone’s problems. I thought that you were always too busy trying to suppress your own emotions.”
“It is true that I try to suppress my emotions. It is a matter of honor for me to exert that much control on myself. I likewise realize that I cannot expect Earthlings to adhere to follow rules of conduct that I have elected to follow. That would be very snobbish of me indeed and might strain Earthlings with an unnatural burden.”
McCoy chose to ignore the not so well veiled slander against his kind. He realized that the Vulcan hadn’t intended it to sound that way, so McCoy decided not to get angry. He knew that the discussion would then dissolve into their usual verbal sparring match. And tonight, that sort of activity didn’t seem right at all.
But of course it is McCoy and Spock that we’re talking about here, so McCoy’s resolve didn’t last long. But it sounded great to McCoy while it did.
“Well, Mr. Spock, I’m surprised to hear that you’re so open-minded about something like that. Perhaps I’ve judged you wrongly.”
“You hardly could judge otherwise with the evidence that you have been given.”
“I’m dreaming,” McCoy said with wonder in his voice. “That’s it. I’ve fallen asleep and I’m dreaming all of this.”
“I assure you, Doctor, that you are quite awake.”
“But you’ve never seemed so nice before. At least, not to me.”
“You interpreted incorrectly.”
“Why are you being so nice?”
“I was unaware that I was being nice, as you term it. I was merely being concerned."
"Well, that can be interpreted as being nice."
"If you so choose, I can endeavor to ensure that it does not happen in the future," Spock snipped.
"There's my little piss-ant," McCoy said with a sardonic smile.
"Did you not realize that I have been insulted?"
"You can be insulted?" McCoy shot back.
"Certainly I can. Why do you believe that I could not?"
McCoy realized that he really had insulted Spock. He also realized that he had misjudged him.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Spock. I hope that you will give me an opportunity to correct the wrongs which I have committed against you."
"And you are serious about this restitution?"
"Now you're insulting me! Of course I'm serious."
"Perhaps it would be better if we agreed that we both have been in error."
"I believe that I could go along with that."
"Now, is there any way in which I might be of service to you?"
McCoy grinned. "I believe that we're back to where you walked in."
"I believe that we are, Doctor. Well, have you come to any decision?"
"About?"
"How I may be of service to you?"
McCoy started to say something, then he backed off. "No, you wouldn't."
"Doctor, you will never know unless you asked."
Couldn't argue with logic like that, McCoy decided.
Then he decided to take a chance. Play all of his best cards at once. Lead with an ace. See if he could make the Vulcan sweat.
He cleared his throat. "Would you hold me?" he asked tentatively.
Spock acted as if he had not heard correctly.
"I'm lonesome tonight," McCoy hurried to explain. At first, it had seemed ridiculous to ask Spock something like that. But the longer that McCoy talked, the more feasible it seemed to him. "I think that some human contact might help to alleviate the sadness that I am feeling. So, do you believe that you could help me to cope with that?"
"I believe that I would be willing to try, Doctor."
McCoy could not believe what he was hearing. What had he said that had swayed Spock so easily?
McCoy rushed ahead with his idea before he lost his nerve or Spock got bored and left. Sometimes Spock’s attention span became short when it came to emotions.
McCoy cleared his throat again. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. "If you would lie down with me and hold me, I might even be able to get some sleep. Would you be willing to do that for me, also?"
“I believe I would,” Spock said solemnly.
McCoy hurried to lead him to the bed before Spock could change his mind.
Jim Kirk had looked all over the Enterprise for Spock and McCoy. Literally. Well, maybe not in the nasty parts of the starship. Why would they be inside the engine room or in the water purification system room? Or why would they be in the nurses’ quarters? For McCoy, it would be like visiting his kid sisters. And for Spock, well, he would rather be playing three-dimensional chess. Now, if it was Kirk visiting the nurses’ quarters, it would be for quite another reason, Kirk thought happily. Ordinarily, he had no doubt that any, or several, of the nurses could make him feel really good and loved.
But that still wasn’t finding his two top officers and best friends. And he’d really been wanting some company tonight. Not even female company, which came as a shock. He just wanted to be with his buddies.
But the longer he hunted for them, the more worried he got for their welfare. Spock and McCoy were grown men. They knew their way around the Enterprise. They couldn’t get themselves in real trouble, real danger. Could they?!
He’d started by going through the bathroom that he shared with Spock. Then he’d visited the day room and the mess hall. He casually asked a few people if they’d seen the missing pair with no results. Of course he could have broadcast a general announcement throughout the ship, but he didn’t want also to raise a general alarm. A crew is always happiest with officers on duty and with the captain knowing where they are.
There was only one place left to look.
McCoy’s quarters were shadowy at ten percent lighting as the door whooshed open for Kirk. He’d used his override key when a knock had gotten no response. He figured that by this point he’d better start making this search an official one.
At first he didn’t see them in here, either. Then he glanced at McCoy’s bed. And there they were, all tucked in and asleep together.
A mass of reactions and emotions swept over Kirk.
Relief was the first thing that flooded over him. His friends were alive!
Then Kirk felt anger. Why in the hell had they worried him like this?!
Then Kirk was puzzled. Why in the hell were they both in McCoy’s bed, fully clothed, sprawled in each others’ arms? McCoy’s head was on Spock’s chest, a placid smile was on his face. Spock’s arm held the doctor firmly in place, a placid smile was on his face, also.
Kirk should just leave. He wanted to be with them, though. He wanted to scoot onto that narrow bed with them and drape himself over them until they all looked like a heap of happy puppies tangled together.
But there wasn’t room left. Not unless they really scrunched up together. Besides, Kirk had not been invited to that happy party. They wouldn't believe that he longed to join them. Not a popular guy like Jim Kirk who would be welcomed at most any door on the Enterprise.
He turned to leave. Somehow that movement awakened Spock.
“Captain.”
“Spock. Shh. Don’t awaken Bones. He looks better than he has in days. So relaxed,” Kirk said with envy.
Spock peered down at the head immediately below his. He rubbed his hand up and down McCoy’s arm. McCoy smiled in his sleep and burrowed his head into Spock’s chest. Then he sighed in complete contentment.
“Lucky dog,” Kirk muttered almost to himself.
But of course Spock heard it. “Would you like to lie down here, also, Captain?”
“There isn’t room,” Kirk protested lamely but his voice reflected his wistfulness.
“Yes, there is. I will make room.” Spock began shoving McCoy further to his own side so that Spock would be in the middle of the bed.
McCoy make a small noise of protest.
“You’ll awaken him!”
“He will be alright as long as I do not shove him aside and out of my arms. I believe that I could do just about anything else with him as long as I do not abandon him.”
Kirk smiled softly as he saw McCoy still clinging to Spock. “I believe you are correct.”
“Here, Captain, slide in here on the other side of me.”
Kirk complied. He just fit on the bed. If he rolled on his back, he’d land on the floor. But he was not going to leave his current position with his head on the other side of Spock’s chest. Especially after Spock clamped his other arm around Kirk’s outer arm.
“There. See? Plenty of room.”
“You’re right, Spock,” Kirk confirmed happily.
At that moment, McCoy halfway awoke. “What’s wrong with the lifeboat? How come it’s rocking? Has a storm come up, Spock? Are we going into the Atlantic? Do we have lifejackets? Don't abandon me, Spock!”
“It is alright, Doctor. Jim has joined us.”
McCoy opened his eyes. His face was just a few inches from Kirk’s.
McCoy smiled a genuine, pleased smile. His eyes were half-lidded and he was drowsy with sleep. “Jim! You’re here!”
“Yes, Bones,” Kirk grinned back in satisfaction. “I am."
McCoy reached out and gently touched Kirk’s face. He gave Kirk a sweet smile full of warmth just for him. “Jimmy.”
“Yes,” Kirk replied softly. " I couldn't find you guys. I was lonesome for you.”
"Well, you found us now. And we're happy that we did. Right, Spock?"
"Certainly."
"Can't do without the threesome," McCoy said. "You're the best. Both of you."
Kirk thought that he was going to choke up with emotion. He felt the same way that McCoy did.
The moment must've gotten even to Spock. He momentarily tightened his hold on both men, then relaxed his hug. “Good night, gentlemen," he declared with some authority.
McCoy dropped his hand off Kirk’s face to Spock’s chest and gently padded it. “Good night, you damn green elf. You make a helluva soft pillow, and who would've thought that? You’re like my own personal teddy bear. I can even hear you purring."
"That is my breathing, Doctor."
"Well, maybe we better get your chest listened to. Come around to sickbay tomorrow."
"Doctor, that is nothing but my normal breathing," Spock said patiently. "You simply have not been hearing it before from your present angle or for so long. But, rest assured, I am quite healthy."
"Damn straight on that! Can't have anything wrong with my personal teddy bear. You're so comfy. And you’re so damn warm!”
“Shh, Doctor. Jim is almost asleep,” Spock scolded. He did not tell McCoy that he and Kirk were also keeping him pleasantly warm with their body heat.
McCoy squirmed against Spock for a moment. And then with a sigh, he joined Kirk in slumber.
This was a lovely moment for Spock, simply lovely. He wished that he could encapsulate it for forever.
But he knew that he couldn't. He could only enjoy what he had now. Maybe that was what made a moment such as this so precious. It could not be held forever, except in the heart.
But for now, he had his precious friends in his arms and knew that they were safe. Spock touched his lips gently to the top of each head on his chest, the blonde one and the dark one lying almost beside each other. Then, with a contented smile on his own face, he closed his eyes and settled in for some of the best sleep that he had enjoyed in a long time.
Life was good for the three friends on the Enterprise. And their dreams were filled with the richness of their bounty as they slumbered away in each others' arms.