Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

GordonRamsayroastedme creat a new chat  7:34 PM

GordonRamsayroastedme named chat "sup fuckers" 

GordonRamsayroastedme ADDS *TAE twink* *Johnnys Banana* *Dolphin Laughter* *wherewereu* *devil* *minion-assailant* (holy shit there's a lot of them) *jaethebooty* *ten/ten* *dreamfanatic* *uwu* *ST(K)UNNING* *flexible101*  *themoominlover*  *Jisung Pwark* *bunnyboi* *dadjokes* *smileyboi* 

GordonRamsayroastedme: sup fuckers      

GordonRamsayroastedme: GueSS wHO mADE A GrOuP cHaT     

GordonRamsayroastedme:  ME     

Jisung Pwark: why?    

GordonRamsayroastedme: LET ME FINISH  

Jisung Pwark: why?   

GordonRamsayroastedme: WAOW U REALLY HAD THE AUDACIDY TO INTERRUPT ME, FOOK U   

themoominlover: Fam... audacity*  

GordonRamsayroastedme: ShUT THe FUck Up PATRicIA   

themoominlover: I just wanted to say that I came out to have a good time, 

themoominlover: and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now. 

bunnyboi: it's too early for this shit, mark why'd u make the group chat?     

dadejokes: ahahha is it 2 early, or is it 2 late?? mind=blown   

bunnyboi: no   

bunnyboi: never again 

GordonRamsayroastedme: because I'm lazy so I didn't wanna make 2 lol  

themoominlover: waow   

bunnyboi: *slow clap*  

devil: waow   

wherewereu?: waow   

smileyboi: waow   

Dolphin laughter: waow   

Jisung Pwark: why?  

 *Sunday  05:12 AM*

themoominlover: Peter Pwarker stfu   05:12

Chapter Text

*

*Saturday 1:30 PM*

minion-assailant:  Isn't it a little weird to have a group chat with the dreamies???  

minion-assailant:  I mean I love u guys, but there are some things u don't need to know lol 

Jisung Pwark: Ahaha like u haven't already ruined any form of innocence left in our bodies  

Dolphin Laughter: we know stuff fam

wherewereu: stuff we'd rather not know for sure 

wherewereu: but unfortunately this ain't that kind of fairytale 

dadjokes: sounds really  bad *wipes tear away from eye* 

Jisung Pwark: u know what else is bad? 

dadjokes: wut?   

Jisung Pwark: ur dad jokes 

dadjokes: woaw.... adam   

Jisung Pwark: no  

minion-assailant:  anyways  

minion-assailant: what could u guys possibly know? 

devil: hmm idk  

devil: maybe something like the fact that Johnny is the most whining, needy sub in the history of subs? 

johnnys banana: I-I.... Woaw  

johnnys banana: I would defend myself and say I wasn't  

johnnys banana: but ma momma didn't raise no liar  

johnnys banana: how did u know tho?

devil: yeah no. Not gonna rat Jaehyun out like that

jaethebooty: .......  

devil: oh shit   

devil: srry hyung   

jaethebooty: fuck u duckie  

devil: waow rude, I didn't do it on purpose    

devil: plus it's not like we all didn't already know 

devil: the walls at the dorms are thin u know   

bunnyboi: I am literally surrounded by idiots.   

johnnys banana: JaeHYuN U WANT ME AND TEN TO TELL ALL THE GREAsy DETAILS ABOUT U HUH?!   

jaethebooty: NO? pls don't.   

johnnys banana: then STOP TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT OUR SEX LIFE   

johnnys banana: otherwise I might start talking about a certain fetish of yours  

jaethebooty: which one? AHAHAH I have nothing to hide, or be ashamed of   

devil: u sound a little pressed there hyung 

jaethebooty: not helping donghyuck   

johnnys banana: ahah that's right honey, nothing to be ashamed of,  

johnnys banana: even if you do like feet a little more than the average guy.   

smileyboi: what  

devil: wHat   

Jisung Pwark: what    

Dolphin Laughter; what   

themoominlover: what   

wherewereu: what 

GordonRamsayroastedme: what 

jaethebooty: JOhNnY  

jaethebooty: hOw COulD yOu? 

Jisung Pwark: that's some "top 10 anime betrayals" type of shit right there  

johnnys banana: yeah, kind of embarrassing right? 

jaethebooty: omg 

jaethebooty: I TrUsTED u 

johnnys banana: oh get over it

jaethebooty: I'm- 

jaethebooty: NEVER 

devil: AHAHSDJKFG 

devil: well u know what they say  

devil: it's all just fun and games  

devil: until u throw a tiny bit of foot fetish into the mix  

Jisung Pwark: that was so bad omg

devil: let me live my life  

*Saturday 2:23 PM*

devil: let's keep exposing people lmao, it's a really enjoyable way of wasting time   

GordonRamsayroastedme: that sounded so sad wtf   

GordonRamsayroastedme: but ok   

GordonRamsayroastedme: Taeyong has a food kink  

TAE twink: MARK  

TAE twink: THAT WAS OUR LITTLE SECRET 

devil: how do u even know dis? 

GordonRamsayroastedme: Ehhh  

devil: Holy shit. 

minion-assailant: so Taeyong likes younger men huh?   

minion-assailant: same for women? 

TAE twink: shut up Yuta, go fuck a minion somewhere  

minion-assailant: well maybe I will  

TAE twink: good   

minion-assailant: fine   

TAE twink: GOOD   

minion-assailant: FINE   

GordonRamsayroastedme: aLrIGht ThEn  

GordonRamsayroastedme: next   

devil: MaRk LeE  

devil: WHY DIDN'T I KNOW THIS??   

GordonRamsayroastedme: "Srry Mark can't come to the phone right now"  

Jisung Pwark: Kun only ever sleeps in his own bed, maybe like once a week  

GordonRamsayroastedme: thanks Jisung   

devil: we are not done here Lee.  

ST(K)UNNING: LIsten I dOn'T knoW wHat u ArE ACCUSING me of BUT-   

Jisung Pwark: hyung shhh we ain't done yet   

ST(K)UNNING: did dis bish just "shs" me?   

ST(K)UNNING: AFTER E CALLED ME OUT FOR BEING A HOE   

smileyboi: Oh shit 

Dolphin laughter: jisungah u better fucking hide  

Jisung Pwark: lol like he actually is gonna do shit 

smileyboi: sweety I'm On chenles side in this, once I told him his cooking sucked  

smileyboi: and after that, he didn't wanna stop playing fucking despacito   

smileyboi: imagine it  

smileyboi: despacito playing over and over again 

smileyboi: no end   

smileyboi: just one horrible never ending circle of pain  

Dolphin laughter: ....  

wherewereu: bruh   

themoominlover: sounds like you've been through some shit  

smileyboi: I came out as a changed person.   

Dolphin laughter: #pray for Jeno    

Jisung Pwark: yeah not gonna risk it lol   

Jisung Pwark: sorry hyung, it's just because you're such a great, loving, amazing man   

Jisung Pwark: who chooses to love a lot  

Jisung Pwark: why don't u come over and watch Animal Planet while giving me cuddles?  

Dolphin laughter: sounds like Netflix and Chill to me   

Jisung Pwark: ew    

ST(K)UNNING: wtf  

Jisung Pwark: he is literally my brother/dad   

ST(K)UNNING: I am literally his brother/dad    

ST(K)UNNING: but yes I'll be there in 5  

Jisung Pwark: noice   

Jisung Pwark: could u buy some chips first tho  

ST(K)UNNING: I fucking hate u  

Jisung Pwark: :(((   

Jisung Pwark: pls hyyyung 

ST(K)UNNING: .....  

ST(K)UNNING: I'll be there in 15 then 

Jisung Pwark: thanks <3   

*Saturday   5:45 PM*

TAE twink: Woaw I'm soft wtf 

Chapter Text

*Sunday 8:10 PM* 

themoominlover: ya  

themoominlover: do anybody know where the fuck Jeno and Jaemin are?  

themoominlover: cuz I don't lol 

ten/ten: No   

TAE twink: No    

Johnnys Banana: Nope    

GordonRamsayroastedme: Why?     

devil: noo

dreamfanatic: lol they probably be making out somewhere dark and sketchy  

dreamfanatic: why?    

themoominlover: making out??? really?  

dreamfanatic: yeah? U haven't noticed the serious tension between them?  

themoominlover: wtf no?   

dreamfanatic: fam- ur their best friend how tf haven't u noticed? 

ten/ten:  ^  

themoominlover: ahahah we're all just very close  

themoominlover: there's nothing romantic bout' that 

devil: sounds fake but okay  

GordonRamseyroastedme: shut the fucc up hyuck  

devil: waow I. am. offended.

ten/ten: maybe not between u and them then  

ten/ten: but they definitely want to get in each other's pants 

Johnnys Banana: baby no   

Johnnys Banana: just no  

Johnnys Banana: they're children    

Johnnys Banana: (and don't hurt Renjuns feelings)   

ten/ten: I mean we were fucking at 17,   

ten/ten: plus the only not-legal one in the 00 line is Jaemin sooo     

ten/ten: kids might be the wrong word    

Johnnys Banana: shit u rite  

Johnnys Banana: they didn't need to know that tho   

Johnnys Banana: we're a bad influence  

ten/ten: oh well, nothing new.

Johnnys Banana: should we sit them down and have "the talk" maybe?   

Johnnys Banana: I feel like we should    

Johnnys Banana: but I also lowkey wanna throw myself from the top of the sm building just thinking about it 

ten/ten: ......   

ten/ten: let taeyong do it? 

Johnnys Banana: let taeyong do it.

themoominlover: yeah okay   

themoominlover: this is all nice and shit   

themoominlover: u know the way we're opening up to each other and etc.  

themoominlover: BUT let's go back to me defending my friendship 

themoominlover: the important stuff  

themoominlover: if there was anything between them, they would've told me    

TAE twink: u sure about that?    

themoominlover: YES  

themoominlover: we tell each other everything  

themoominlover: I trust them  

themoominlover: we're the nct trio  

themoominlover: they wouldn't exclude me like that (message not sent) 

TAE twink: sorry to say this junnie but maybe u should be prepared for them becoming a thing and being all couply and shit  

TAE twink: and Johnny, ten. Never in a million years am I gonna do the talk by myself 

TAE twink:  Taeil is the oldest, let him suffer a little  

dadjokes: I was attacked   

themoominlover: lol why would I prepare myself for that   

themoominlover: AHAAHA I don't care about them being in a relationship  

themoominlover: they could be the most PDAish couple ever to exist and 

themoominlover: I STILL WOULDNT CARE   

themoominlover: Jeno could hold mins hand all cutely while softly removing a strand of min beautiful light-brown hair from his face  

themoominlover: Jaemin could look into Jenos eyes and never look away, too mesmerized by the wonder that is Lee Jeno  

themoominlover: BOTH WITH THEIR  STUPID SMILES ON DISPLAY- 

devil: ehh 

themoominlover: BitCH I'M nOt DOnE  

devil: SUJU *sorry* 

themoominlover: AnYWaY  

themoominlover: AND I STILL WOULDN'T CARE BECAUSE THEY ARE MY BESTFRIENDS AND I WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY  

themoominlover: even if there's no Renjun in the picture 

themoominlover: I still want them to be happy.   

dreamfanatic: oh the sweet smell of denial   

ST(K)UNNING: Honey I-  

ST(K)UNNING: Renjun are u okay?   

themoominlover: AHAHA I'm fine   

themoominlover: juuuust dandy    

themoominlover: why?   

ST(K)UNNING: well for one because "AHAHAHA"   

ST(K)UNNING: and two   

ST(K)UNNING: u sound like a boy who just got his heart broken    

minion-assailant: renjun + heartbroken?    

minion-assailant: problems in dreamieland?   

minion-assailant: shit is saucey wtf  

minion-assailant: remember last time?  

minion-assailant: the summer fight between hyuck and m0rk  

minion-assailant: dreamies don't fuck around  

themoominlover: well that's bullshit  

themoominlover: I'm not heartbroken  

ST(K)UNNING: Renjuuun  

themoominlover: IM noT  

themoominlover: why would I be? 

themoominlover: it's not like I went around thinking about unrealistic/silly things 

themoominlover: I am however very tired  

themoominlover: and since my two bestfriends apparently forgot about our coffee date  

themoominlover: I mean ehh, our study session  

themoominlover: I'm going to bed  

Dolphin Laughter: hyung u can study with me if u want

Dolphin Laughter: we can even do it in chinese   

Dolphin Laughter: i know u like it when we do that   

themoominlover: ahah that's very sweet of u lele   

themoominlover: but my stomach hurts a little  

themoominlover: and we have pratice tomorrow, I don't want to be sick 

themoominlover: so I'm just gonna sleep   

themoominlover: hopefully it doesn't hurt tomorrow 

ten/ten: why do I feel like u're talking about two things at the same time

ten/ten: wait- 

Dolphin Laughter: oh okay   

Dolphin Laughter: goodnight hyung <3    

Dolphin Laughter: I love u     

TAE twink: WE LOVE U*    

ST(K)UNNING: ^    

minion-assailant: ^    

ten/ten: ^   

dreamfanatic: ^   

Johnnys Banana: ^  

themoominlover: goodnight lele 

themoominlover: ahah love u guys too :)  

*sunday   10:34 PM*

devil: why tf would u bring up the summer fight, it hurts my soul to think about:(  

GordonRamsayroastedme: aww bro it made us the way we are now, every good friendship goes through hardships 

devil: ahaha yeah, every friendship  

devil: Best Bros For Life   

devil: just u and me,    

devil: the two bros    

GordonRamsayroastedme: Love u bro  

devil: love u more    

flexible101: .   

bunnyboi: .    

dreamfanatic: .    

UWU: .    

devil:  oh shit    

devil:  bro*    

devil:  ahah forgot the bro    

GordonRamsayroastedme:  <333   

bunnyboi:  holy shit   

bunnyboi:  that was painful   

dreamfanatic:  if that wasn't the fucking definition of panicked gay  

dreamfanatic:  then I don't know what would be.  

devil:  excuse u 

devil:  I'm bisexual  

dreamfanatic:  AHAH ain't denying the "panicked" tho    

devil:  stfu  

Chapter Text

                 *Monday 6:12 PM*

bunnyboi: So      
bunnyboi: Lets look away from the oblivious idiots that are Jeno, Renjun and Jaemin for a sec      

Wherewereu: Hey      

themoominlover: LALALAL don't know what you're talking about     

smileyboi: Oblivious?     

bunnyboi: And lets instead focus on the wonder that is kun     

bunnyboi: I mean waow   
bunnyboi: What      
bunnyboi: A      
bunnyboi: Man      
bunnyboi: The definition of a Prince     
bunnyboi: A Chinese Prince     
bunnyboi: A Chinese Prince who really needs some more fucking recognition      

devil: Say it louder for the people in the back      

bunnyboi: I MEAN HE'S GREAT     

bunnyboi: Talented      
bunnyboi: Beautiful     
bunnyboi: Outstanding    
bunnyboi: Amazing      
bunnyboi: Show stopping      
bunnyboi: spectacular      
bunnyboi: Has a great personality     
bunnyboi: Is A good cook     
bunnyboi: The Master of cuddles-      

Flexible101: Hella good in bed      

uwu: I-      
uwu: Well that escalated quickly      
uwu: I was about to say how this was probably the sweetest I've seen Doyoung     

uwu: And then winwin comes and ruins the moment   

Flexible101: Oh Well we ARE talking about all the good things that is to say about kun.  
Flexible101: I couldn't not talk about a  

Flexible101: very      

Flexible101: Very impressive skill he possesses  

uwu: That sounded so creepy omg      

Flexible101: Sorry not Sorry      

uwu: Kinda impressed it wasn't Lucas to be honest   

dreamfanatic: Well      
dreamfanatic: I wasn't fast enough:((      
dreamfanatic: I haven't even slept with the guy and I was about to write the      

dreamfanatic: exact  
dreamfanatic: same  
dreamfanatic: thing   

uwu: Of course u were   

dreamfanatic: Doyoung ur his main man, is he as good as I think he is     

dreamfanatic: Is he a magician in the bed too? 

dreamfanatic: Sweet in the streets a freak in the sheets   

bunnyboi: I've never wanted to block somebody in real life as much as I wanna do it to you right now   

bunnyboi: And I wouldn't know     
bunnyboi: We've never done it before    

dreamfanatic: "Spits water out of mouth from shock"    
dreamfanatic: Really?      
dreamfanatic: For realsies?      

GordonRamsayroastedme: Bro     
TAE twink: Lucas-     
uwu: "Facepalms"      

bunnyboi: Yeah?      

dreamfanatic: H o w      

bunnyboi: How what?     

dreamfanatic: How is that possible 
dreamfanatic: I mean     
dreamfanatic: Have u seen kun

bunnyboi: Yes I have seen my boyfriend 
bunnyboi: Have u?      

dreamfanatic: Well Yeah otherwise I wouldn't be this shooketh     
dreamfanatic: Why not?      

bunnyboi: Ahaha Well i kinda thought u knew?      

dreamfanatic: Knew what?     

GordonRamsayroastedme: Woaw he really doesn't know      
Jisung Pwark: Wtf      
GordonRamsayroastedme: but, everybody knows     
TAE twink: How is that even possible     
TAE twink: We talked about this at dinner last night    

Flexible101: Lucas was probably too focused on Brother Bear playing on the tv    

Dolphin Laughter: To be fair   
Dolphin Laughter: That movie is a fucking masterpiece      

dreamfanatic: ^     

Jisung Pwark: I just wanna say I feel very uncomfortable talking about kun like this    

Jisung Pwark: But for some reason, I can't look away      

bunnyboi: That I'm not into stuff like that   

dreamfanatic: Stuff?     

bunnyboi: Sex Lucas     
bunnyboi: I don't feel the need or want to do anything sexual    
bunnyboi: With anybody    

dreamfanatic: Oh     
dreamfanatic: OH    

uwu: And so he realized 
uwu: That it was possible not wanting to fuck 25/8    

dreamfanatic: How does that work?     
dreamfanatic: U know with kun being kun     
dreamfanatic: If u don't mind me asking of course     

bunnyboi: Is all good Lucas don't worry bout it [^•^]    
bunnyboi: Ahaha it works just fine     
bunnyboi: It did take some time/work tho      
bunnyboi: It can be hard to understand why ur boyfriend doesn't want to do anything sexual with u, even if u already have had the talk about asexuality    

bunnyboi: But kun      
bunnyboi: Omg kun was so understanding, he was sad at first, because he felt as though I didn't really love him as much as he loved me    

bunnyboi: I told him he was crazy     
bunnyboi: That I never had felt this way about anyone before(and it kinda scared the shit out of me)      

bunnyboi: That me being ace didn't make me love him any less, or make me feel fewer emotions in general. It just meant that I wanted to lay with him on the couch, legs tangled together watching our favorite show, talking. Rather than tangle our sheets while doing the sexysex      

bunnyboi: I also told him that I didn't want a sexual relationship, and if that was the only thing he wanted from me, he might as well just give up before the opening shot      

dreamfanatic: That's good hyung      

devil: Hyyung why have I never heard this story before      
devil: The start of kun/doyoung      
devil: I'm kinda emotional, not gonna lie     

bunnyboi: Plus      
bunnyboi: I let him sleep around a little      
bunnyboi: Hence      
bunnyboi: why winwin knows shit      

devil: Aaaaand again the moment is ruined        
devil: This time by the very man who created it      
devil: This is why we can't have nice things      

Jisung Pwark: Doyoung hyung?      

minion-assailant: Waow jisung being respectful and shit      
minion-assailant: Somebody find the camera      

bunnyboi: Not now idiot      
bunnyboi: Yes jisungie?     

Jisung Pwark: Ahaha I was just wondering      

bunnyboi: Wondering about what?      

Jisung Pwark: Eeeh      
Jisung Pwark: About      
Jisung Pwark: How you knew     

bunnyboi: How I knew what     

Jisung Pwark: How you knew     

bunnyboi: ?    
devil: ?      
minion-assaliant: ?      

Jisung Pwark: Holy fuck      
Jisung Pwark: You know what      
Jisung Pwark: Nevermind   

bunnyboi: No jisungggg      
bunnyboi: Talk to us     

minion-assaliant: Leeeet usss heeelp uuuu   

Jisung Pwark: I would love to stay longer but-   
Jisung Pwark: Oh chenle called gotta go    

Dolphin Laughter: I am literally sitting     
Dolphin Laughter: Right   
Dolphin Laughter: beside 
Dolphin Laughter: U      

Jisung Pwark: Stfu chenle   

bunnyboi: This conversation can be started again whenever u want jisung.      
bunnyboi: I just want u to know that     

minion-assaliant: Yeah      
minion-assaliant: U can come to us      
minion-assaliant: Always      

Jisung Pwark: Thank u guys, it means a lot.    

Dolphin Laughter: Bro      
Dolphin Laughter: Did u just      
Dolphin Laughter: Treat me     
Dolphin Laughter: Chenle      
Dolphin Laughter: like every other member of NCT      
Dolphin Laughter: My own best friend  
Dolphin Laughter: :((((    

Jisung Pwark. Sorry bro      
Jisung Pwark: U know I Love u    

Dolphin Laughter: .......      

Dolphin Laughter: :))))      
Dolphin Laughter: Love u too      

              *Monday 8:45 PM*

JohnnysBanana: Yo    
JohnnysBanana: 'treat me'      
JohnnysBanana: 'Chenle'     
JohnnysBanana: 'NCT'      
JohnnysBanana: It rhymes    
JohnnysBanana: Nice one lele      

devil: The fu-?      

TAE twink: Honey no      
TAE twink: Chenle is not pronounced as chen Lee      

devil: And NCT???    
devil: How tf does that rhyme with Chenle and/or 'treat me' ?    

JohnnysBanana: Wait     
JohnnysBanana: It's not??      
JohnnysBanana: For real    

TAE twink: Yes for real     
TAE twink: Did u seriously not know this?
TAE twink: You've known each other for years?? 

JohnnysBanana: Wtf    
JohnnysBanana: All the times he has ignored me in public suddenly makes sense     
JohnnysBanana: He didn't know I was calling for him     

Dolphin Laughter: Oh     
Dolphin Laughter: No      
Dolphin Laughter: Hyung     
Dolphin Laughter: I did know     
Dolphin Laughter: I just didn't want people to think we knew each other   

JohnnysBanana: Woaw.  

devil: ~CoNcEaL dOnT fEEl DoNt LeT ThEM kNoOw ~  

GordonRamsayroastedme: :00 

Jisung Pwark: oH sHiT   
Jisung Pwark: this is why he's my favorite   

TAE twink: *Johnnys scandalised voice* CHEN LEE  

Dolphin Laughter: :)) 

Chapter Text

* Thursday 06:47 PM *

dadjokes: I taeil, am in love     

minion-assailant: Woaw what a surprise      

minion-assailant: You're always "in love"     

dadjokes: ehh no?    

minion-assailant: eh yes??    

minion-assailant: I mean, remember the girl who interviewed us in the US?    

minion-assailant: You were sure u never would be able to love again.     

minion-assailant: then u met the buzzfeed-guy and fed him with fucking hearts in your eyes,     

minion-assailant: I mean u got over ur "one true love" pretty fucking quickly     

minion-assailant: Then again last week u came home, slammed the door open, and yelled out the lyrics to 'you're beautiful' by James Blunt.     

minion-assailant: you yet again had found another infatuation     

dadjokes: okay, I know that there have been a few     

dadjokes: BUT IM JUST TRYING TO FIND LOVE     

dadjokes: SO LET ME BE HAPPY AND LET ME SHARE WITH U GUYS     

minion-assailant: AlRighT Jisoos Christ     

dadjokes: Jisoos Christ?     

dadjokes: (And I'm the one you call dadjokes lol, yuta literally comes with the weakest shit ^^^ )     

jaethebooty: Woaw damn   

devil: Don't mess with taeil I guess      

minion-assailant: all I said was    

minion-assailant: "hey taeil, maybe you're not really in love"    

minion-assailant: and this shit is thrown back at me     

minion-assailant: I AM HILARIOUS OKAY     

minion-assailant: FUCK YOU     

GordonRamsayroastedme: What happed to 'Ahahah butterflies and rainbows taeil'?     

dadjokes: he died a year ago     

dadjokes: alongside the Jisoos Christ meme     

GordonRamsayroastedme: well may he rest in rip    

devil: Bro that was just as bad     

GordonRamsayroastedme: aT LeaST Im TRyInG     

devil: you get an A for effort     

GordonRamsayroastedme: thanks   

GordonRamsayroastedme: real appreciation     

minion-assailant: Can we built a timetravelling machine and save butterfly taeil before it's too late?     

jaethebooty: *butterfly taeil to bitter af taeil*   "mr moon, I- I don't feel so good"     

Flexible101:  no     

devil: It really doesn't get better huh?    

devil: Life     

devil: The Memes     

devil: ...     

devil: (I'm looking at you jaehyun)     

jaethebooty: I feel like every time I look or write in this chat    

jaethebooty: The next thing I feel is just

jaethebooty: utter 

jaethebooty: regret.     

Jisung Park: Deep voice "Why are we here, just to suffer?"   

jaethebooty: not even gonna comment on that one   

Jisung Pwark: :((    

GordonRamsayroastedme: yo   

GordonRamsayroastedme: bad memes aside     

GordonRamsayroastedme: Isn't it a little weird that we're writing in here?    

GordonRamsayroastedme: Like we're all literally sitting in the same room     

minion-assailant: .....    

Jisung Pwark: .....     

dadjokes: .....    

devil: .     

devil: way to ruin the conversation MARK     

GordonRamsayroastedme: I-    

GordonRamsayroastedme: I'M JUST ASKING A QUESTION JESUS     

GordonRamsayroastedme: WHO HURT YOU     

devil: *whispers* eeeeverybody   

jaethebooty: I mean    

jaethebooty: the reason why I'M writing instead of talking is because I'm tired af     

jaethebooty: and my voice isn't functioning as it should right now     

jaethebooty: too many hours in the studio/recording booth I guess     

ten/ten: waow    

ten/ten: we love a hard working king     

Johnnys Banana: you just sitting in the studio blazing some new songs?    

jaethebooty: 'blazing' wtf Johnny?    

Johnnys Banana: IM JUST SITTIN' IN THE STUDIO JUST TRYNA GET TO YOU, BABY     

Johnnys Banana: BUT THIS SONG SO FUCKING DOPE, GIRL IT HARDER NOT FOR ME TO BLAZE IT      

jaethebooty: OH:)    

jaethebooty:  TELL THE TRUTH, WISH IT WAS YOU(ten, Johnny, Taeyong) IN THIS BOOTH THAT I WAS BLAZIN'  SO IM JUST SITTING IN THE STUDIO JUST TRYNA GET TO YOU, BABY    *Message not sent*

jaethebooty: TO TELL THE TRUTH, WISH IT WAS YOU -(ten, Johnny)- IN THIS BOOTH THAT I WAS BLAZIN'      

jaethebooty: SO IM JUST SITTING IN THE STUDIO JUST TRYNA GET TO YOU, BABY     

TAE twink: just, ten and Johnny?     *Message not sent*

GordonRamsayroastedme: that was-     

GordonRamsayroastedme: that was almost cute in a way     

GordonRamsayroastedme: lookin' away from the fact that it was a schoolboy q song they were reciting     

ten/ten: aaaw baby      

ten/ten: you're such a romantic     

ten/ten: serenading us     

ten/ten: over a text    

Johnnys Banana: is this why u tried calling, like three hours ago?     

Johnnys Banana: sorry I didn't answer, I was at a meeting    

Johnnys Banana: kinda regret it now      

Johnnys Banana: but I mean,,,,,,,     

Johnnys Banana: ten, jaehyun, taeyong       *Message not sent* 

Johnnys Banana: ten, jaehyun     

Johnnys Banana: wanna go to our room?     

Johnnys Banana: im kinda tried      

jaethebooty: oh really?:)     

Johnnys Banana: yeah veryyyyy ;)     

Jisung Pwark: (why the use of emojis??? Could u guys be more cringe worthy)     

jaethebooty: lol same      

devil: "lol"?      

Johnnys Banana: .....      

GordonRamsayroastedme: bruh      

Flexible101: sexting: failed     

jaethebooty: what?? I am     

jaethebooty: I just told u guys     

jaethebooty:  it feels like I could pass out at any moment right now     

ten/ten: wait really?      

jaethebooty: yeah      

TAE twink: jaehyun      

TAE twink: why haven't you gone to bed then?     

ten/ten: it's not healthy forcing yourself to stay awake baby    

jaethebooty: well I didn't want to sleep alone:(((     

jaethebooty: I miss you guys      

jaethebooty: we've all been working so much lately, and I feel like we haven't really been able to be together and spend some time alone    

Johnnys Banana: honeeeey      

Johnnys Banana: let's go to bed and have an all-night cuddle session    

Johnnys Banana: right now.    

ten/ten: yeah     

ten/ten: I miss my boyfriends     

ten/ten: s o much     

Johnnys Banana: ^     

jaethebooty: we don't HAVE to do it right now    

jaethebooty: if there's something more important you need to do     

jaethebooty: I mean I get it    

Johnnys Banana: no     

Johnnys Banana: there isn't     

Johnnys Banana: nothings more important than you honey    

Johnnys Banana: than our relationship     

jaethebooty: okay     

jaethebooty: im going to our room then     

Johnnys Banana: good <3 I'll get som extra blankets      

Johnnys Banana: ten baby can you please get tae- I mean som snacks      

ten/ten: already on my way to the kitchen johnnyboi     

Johnnys Banana: great     

jaethebooty: pls hurryyyyy      

Johnnys Banana: we will<3   

ten/ten: ^     

devil: holy fuck I'm alone     

GordonRamsayroastedme: same     

TAE twink; ^   *Message not sent* 

*Thursday  08:00 PM*

minion-assailant: Well I'm funnier on the internet    

dadjokes: oh sweety, u ain't funny where ever u are    

GordonRamsayroastedme: holy shit    

GordonRamsayroastedme: what a slow reply     

GordonRamsayroastedme: like it's been 30 fucking minutes      

minion-assailant: not my fault     

minion-assailant: tenjaejohn, or whatever decided to be the definition of couple goals and I needed some time to get over it    

minion-assailant: and    

minion-assailant: TAeiL     

Flexible101: an update has been made, now, if you look up 'taeils personal punching bag' in the dictionary,     

Flexible101: a picture of Yuta smiling through the pain will be the only thing there    

wherewereu: remind me never to start shit with taeil   

wherewereu: Like      

wherewereu: He ain't fucking around     

devil: ^     

Flexible101: ^     

GordonRamsayroastedme: ^    

*Thursday 08:32*

dadjokes: I live with a lot of anger okay     

dadjokes: Comes with being talented, yet underappreciated   

Chapter Text

*Wednesday  02:34 AM*

Wherewereu?: guys.       

Wherewereu?: would you please come to renjuns room     

Wherewereu?: me and jeno is kind of having a situation

TAE twink: a situation?

TAE twink: pls explain

Wherewereu?: I think we killed renjun

TAE twink: what

ST(K)UNNING: what

minion-assailant: what

Jisung Pwark: how

Dolphin Laughter: I will not help you hide the body

Dolphin Laughter: renjun was my favorite wtf

dreamfanatic: I mean like, same

Jisung Pwark: ^

minion-assailant: ^

devil: ^

uwu: ^

smileyboi: GUyS

smileyboi: WE’RE HAVING A REAL PROBLEM HERE

smileyboi: SO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND COME TO RENJUNS ROOM

Wherewereu?: what jeno said

ST(K)UNNING:  sooo

ST(K)UNNING:  how did the two of you kill our beloved renjun at 2 AM?

Wherewereu?: ahaha

Wherewereu?: AHAHAH

Wherewereu?: ha

Wherewereu?: is The How really that important?

TAE twink: yes

TAE twink: "The How" is what decides if I actually am going to get out of bed or not

ST(K)UNNING: : ^

Wherewereu?: fine

Wherewereu?: he might have seen something he wasn’t prepared to see

Wherewereu?: and he might have run away before we could say/explain what happened

Dolphin Laughter: was- was it you who made those weird sounds coming from the kitchen?

Wherewereu?: ehhm

Wherewereu?: …...

Wherewereu?: no?

devil: JAEMIN

devil: JENO

Wherewereu?: shit got to go, my shoe ran away

devil: how-?

GordonRamsayroastedme: hyuckie

devil: yes?

GordonRamsayroastedme: summer camp.

devil: suddenly I have no questions

Wherewereu?: thanks mark

GordonRamsayroastedme: you owe me

Wherewereu?: noted.

TAE twink: DID YOU HAVE SEX IN MY KITCHEN

minion-assailant: oh hey taeyong

TAE twink: NOT NOW

minion-assailant: alright then.

Wherewereu?: will my boyish charm and my love for NCT and your food save me from any kind of punishment if we had?(+ if we ever are to do it in the future?)

TAE twink: NO, DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO CLEAN IT YESTERDAY??

Wherewereu?: ups;)

TAE twink: JaEMin

Wherewereu?: ;)))))

TAE twink: what has happened to my innocent child

Wherewereu?: he grew up and evolved a love for cute boys

Wherewereu?: one of which is currently in his room refusing to let us in.     message not sent

smileyboi: JAEMIN STOP FUCKING AROUND

smileyboi: WE DIDN’T HAVE SEX

smileyboi: WHO DO YOU THINK WE ARE

smileyboi: WE JUST MADE OUT JESUS

minion-assailant: :O

dreamfanatic: :O

Dolphin Laughter: :O

devil: :O

Wherewereu?: jeno

smileyboi: it slipped out, it just slipped out

smileyboi: fuck.

dreamfanatic: ARE THE TWO OF YOU DATING??

Wherewereu?: no

smileyboi: yes

Wherewereu?: yes

smileyboi: no

devil: waow

devil: real convincing guys

Wherewereu?: stfu for once, please

devil: :O

GordonRamsayroastedme: don’t worry hyuck I got you

GordonRamsayroastedme: NO YOU

minion-assailant: woaw look at mark standing up for his mans

minion-assailant: he attacc, but he also protecc

minion-assailant: I MEANT BEST BRO*

Jisung Pwark: I wouldn’t even call that standing up for somebody

Jisung Pwark: more the weakest attempt of being memey I have seen in years

GordonRamsayroastedme: you hurt me 

minion-assailant: lol like you’re one to talk, I literally saw you laughing at a minion meme some days ago

minion-assailant: the lowest of all memes

minion-assailant: the plague of the internet

Jisung Pwark: I just want you to know that I despise you

Jisung Pwark: and at least I haven't had a sexual awakening because of said plague of the internet 

Jisung Pwark: bitch

minion-assailant: I have fallen and I can't come back up 

Jisung Pwark: good.

Dolphin Laughter: I just love the love and joy we all get from each other in this group

Dolphin Laughter: only positivity, no bad vibes

Jisung Pwark: love the irony

Jisung Pwark: hate the words

dreamfanatic: ^

devil: ^

GordonRamsayroastedme: ^

Wherewereu?: LETS GET BACK ON TRACK PEOPLE

dreamfanatic: OH SHIT YOU RIGHT

dreamfanatic: HOW LONG HAVE YOU AND JENO BEEN DATING

smileyboi: NO

Wherewereu?: NO

smileyboi: NOT THAT

smileyboi: RENJUN

smileyboi: GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE AND HELP US

devil: oh shit

TAE twink: oh shit

ST(K)UNNING: oh shit

Wherewereu?: FUCK I THINK HE’S CRYING

Wherewereu?: WHY WOULD HE CRY

Wherewereu?: OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO

ten/ten: update: taeyong just jumped out of bed and sprinted to the dreamies

devil: oh look who be creeping in the gc 

minion-assailant: how do you know that?

jaethebooty: ..

johnnys Banana:  ..

ten/ten: ..

ten/ten: sleepover?

minion-assailant: good enough.

bunnyboi: update part two: kun just jumped out of bed and sprinted to the dreamies

themoominlover: dont come over here

smileyboi: RENJUN

Wherewereu?: BABY

smileyboi:  LET US IN

minion-assailant: …..

Wherewereu?: what

minion-assailant: baby?

Wherewereu?: ehhh

smileyboi: he said what he said

minion-assailant: fair enough

themoominlover: you shouldn’t call me that tho

themoominlover: call jeno that 

themoominlover: and leave me alone, it’s late and we all have practice tomorrow

themoominlover: kun and taeyong I dont need comfort and there is no situation going on, so please just let me sleep

smileyboi: renjun-

themoominlover: no

themoominlover: good night

Wherewereu?: alright.

smileyboi: good night guys

Dolphin Laughter: night

dreamfanatic: ^

devil: ^

TAE twink: ^

minion-assailant: ^

*private chat between lee jeno and na jaemin*

smileyboi: did you see how cute renjun looked today

Wherewereu?: yeah

smileyboi: we really need to tell him soon, I  legit cant look at him without wanting to kiss him

Wherewereu?: same

Wherewereu?: especially after he got that light hair

smileyboi: damn

*Wednesday 03:55 AM*

Wherewereu?: jeno?

smileyboi: yes?

Wherewereu?: I think we fucked up

smileyboi: yes

Wherewereu?: we should have told him

smileyboi: yes

Wherewereu?: we should have kissed him too

smileyboi: yes

*private chat between taeyong and renjun*

TAE twink: honey

themoominlover: leave me alone hyung

TAE twink: it is okay to be sad you know

themoominlover: there isn’t anything to be sad about

themoominlover: they never said anything which could indicate any form of want for a relationship

themoominlover: it was me who misunderstood the signals

themoominlover: I just need to suck it up and get over it

TAE twink: are you sure about that?

themoominlover: yes I’m sure

TAE twink: okay, whatever you think is best, I will support, just know that you always can come to hyung

TAE twink: but how are you planning to move on?

themoominlover: I truly have no idea

Chapter Text

*friday 07:45 PM*

devil: okay so I know things are kind of tense at the moment
devil: but I have a very important question to ask

smileyboi: anybody being tense?
smileyboi: I'm NOT being tense
smileyboi: I feel perfectly relaxed Thank You Very Much

devil: yeah
devil: sure sweety
devil: back to my question

smileyboi: fuck you

uwu: what is it hyuck


devil: its something I've been thinking about for some time now
devil: but I don't really know how to ask

uwu: Omg

devil: Omg?

uwu: is this happening

devil: what
devil: wait this wasn't how it was supposed to go

uwu: Is it perhaps something about our favorite markiepoo?

devil: Mark
devil: Fuck 

devil: abort mission

devil: AbOrT misSION

devil: I mean
devil: no
devil: ahaha why would it be

GordonRamsayroastedme: oh?
GordonRamsayroastedme: what do you want to ask me hyuckie?

devil: NOTHING

GordonRamsayroastedme: u sure?

devil: YES
devil: Actually, the question was for jaehyun

GordonRamsayroastedme: Jaehyun?

TAE twink: What
Johnnys Banana: What
ten/ten: What

ten/ten: boiii stay in ur lane 

devil: omg
devil: Jesus fucking Christ let a man ask

devil: a

devil: fucking

devil: question

Johnnys Banana: Alright 
ten/ten: Go on

devil: THANK YOU

jaethebooty: Well?

devil: :)))
devil: Jaehyun

jaethebooty: I don't like where this is going

ten/ten: this better be fucking good

devil: do you still just want some milk?

Johnnys Banana: Wtf-

Jisung Pwark: I don't understand?

ten/ten: u don't want to understand this honey
ten/ten: sweet, sweet oblivion.

jaethebooty: Oh no
devil: Oh yes

GordonRamsayroastedme: suddenly I'm lactose intolerant

jaethebooty: plz don't do this
jaethebooty: I was young and dumb and wanted to flex my bilingual skills

devil: well they were flexed alright
devil: especially on the young man Kevin, who you so desperately wanted to come to your birthday party

jaethebooty: MiStAkES WErE mAdE

GordonRamsayroastedme: listen to your own advice
GordonRamsayroastedme: be quiet, don't cry

jaethebooty: not you too

GordonRamsayroastedme: love you, appreciate you

jaethebooty: snake

devil: yeah and now you face the consequences

devil: YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES JAEHYUN

devil: BE A MAN

minion-assailant: woaw brave of you to assume a woman wouldn't handle this better

devil: woaw brave of you to assume I assumed a woman wouldn't handle this better

minion-assailant: woaw brave of you to assume that I assumed that you assumed that a woman wouldn't handle this better

devil: WOAW BRAVE OF YOU TO ASSUME THAT I ASSUMED THAT YOU ASSUMED THAT I ASSUMED YOU ASSUMED A WOMAN WOULDN'T HANDLE THIS BETTER

devil: very unwoke of you I must say

ten/ten: ehhh
ten/ten: What?

minion-assailant: What
devil: What

ten/ten: ALRIghThYrIgHt

Jisung Pwark: Inset the meme where the two spidermen point at each other

TAE twink: Anyone would be better than jaehyun to face a problem
TAE twink: I mean look at him

TAE twink: This bitch likes to run away from things when they become difficult

minion-assailant: Reeh I sense tension
minion-assailant: What did jaehyun do

jaethebooty: Jesus Christ Taeyong I have apologized like 39 times already

jaethebooty: how was I supposed to know that you have to stir a stir fry if you don't want it to burn?

TAE twink: YOU CAUSED A FIRE JAEHYUN
TAE twink: THEN YOU JUST LOOKED AT ME, SAID UPS AND WALKED OUT AGAIN

TAE twink: YOU LEFT ME TO PUT OUT THE FIRE

TAE twink: AND YOU RUINED MY FAVORITE PAN

ST(K)UNNING: his favorite pan?
ST(K)UNNING: Woaw even I ain't allowed near that shit

jaethebooty: Oh?

TAE twink: That isn't the point

ST(K)UNNING: Ohiho I think it is

ST(K)UNNING: why can jaehyun, a disaster in the kitchen use your favorite pan

ST(K)UNNING: but I- an amazing cook will be glared at for even suggesting it?

minion-assailant: I smell favoritism

TAE twink: Oh please like kun isn't everybody's favorite in this group

ten/ten: ^
flexible101^
uwu: ^
Jisung Pwark: ^
devil: ^
minion-assailant: ^
GordonRamsayroastedme: ^

bunnyboi: I lowkey would throw any one of you into a volcano if you ever hurt him
bunnyboi: Even Jisung

TAE twink: Gasp

Jisung Pwark: But I mean
Jisung Pwark: I would let you

GordonRamsayroastedme: that's Real Love right there

Dolphin Laughter: If any of you ever were to harm Jisung in Any Way

Dolphin Laughter: Then I would find you,

Dolphin Laughter: chop you up

Dolphin Laughter: and then dispose your body in the sea 

Dolphin Laughter: I know the chinese mafia, and I certainly am able to pay for not only you(any of you) to never be found again,

Dolphin Laughter: but also for the police to look the other way if any evidence ever were to come up

bunnyboi: .

minion-assailant: .

devil: boi

Jisung Pwark: <3

Dolphin Laughter: I mean,,, ahaha relatable

GordonRamsayroastedme: Mom can you come pick me up I'm scared

bunnyboi: Wtf-
bunnyboi: I-
bunnyboi: I suddenly have the intense desire to flee the country

Dolphin Laughter: I would like to see you try

bunnyboi: :00

minion-assailant: me too
minion-assailant: and I didn't even suggest to throw Jisung into a volcano

bunnyboi: Ahaha fun fun, very fun
bunnyboi: Lets NOT dwell on the past

devil: yeah
devil: I mean
devil: be like elsa and let it go

GordonRamsayroastedme: .

Jisung Pwark: .

Dolphin Laughter: .

ST(K)UNNING: .

devil: ........

devil: that was low even for me

GordonRamsayroastedme: .

Jisung Pwark: .

ST(K)UNNING: .

Dolphin Laughter: . 

devil: I think I'm just gonna walk myself out now

devil: preferably over the edge of a cliff as well

ST(K)UNNING: normally I would step in and say no, no cliff for you, its winter and the water below the cliff is freezing

ST(K)UNNING: but then I remembered,
ST(K)UNNING: the cold never bothered you anyway

bunnyboi: I want to die

Jisung Pwark: ^
Dolphin Laughter: ^
devil: ^
jaethebooty: ^
flexible101: ^

Private chat between Taeyong and jaehyun

jaethebooty: I really am sorry for ruining your pan yongie

jaethebooty: I promise I will buy you a new one
jaethebooty: and I also promisee to stay OUT of the kitchen
jaethebooty: unless you want me in there of course;)

TAE twink: you're such a fucking idiot
TAE twink: come to my room and show me how sorry you are

jaethebooty: Oh;)

TAE twink: with cuddles

jaethebooty: Oh;)

TAE twink: be discreet tho
TAE twink: I think the younglings are in the living room

jaethebooty: of course, do you need anything?
jaethebooty: can I get you something?

TAE twink: is ten and Johnny nearby?

jaethebooty: no:( ten is dancing and Johnny is out DJing

TAE twink: Oh shout that was today
TAE twink: I hope he is enjoying himself

jaethebooty: he probably would enjoy himself more in your bed, but we all cant be that lucky

jaethebooty: can we now

TAE twink: I guess not
TAE twink: Now Hurry The Fuck Up I'm cold

jaethebooty: I’ll be right there

TAE twink: good<3

*normal chat*

GordonRamsayroastedme changed Zhong Chenles name from "Dolphin Laughter" to "THE chinese mafia"

THE chinese mafia: I mean,,,

Chapter Text

*Sunday 4.34 PM*

GordonRamsayroastedme: Yall wanna know what happened at summer camp?

uwu: Yes

dreamfanatic: That was creepily fast

uwu: I've been waiting for this day, don't rain on my parade

dreamfanatic: Fair

devil: NO MARK

devil: I TOLD YOU I WAS SORRY

THE chinese mafia: It's too late to apologiiiiiiize 

THE chinese mafia: It's too laaaate

themoominlover: Good one bro

THE chinese mafia: Thanks bro

themoominlover: U welcome bro

THE chinese mafia: Bro

themoominlover: Bro

THE chinese mafia: Bro<3

themoominlover: Bro>3

THE chinese mafia: Wait Bro

themoominlover: I can fix it bro

THE chinese mafia: How bro?

themoominlover: Look bro

themoominlover: Bro>the rest of the Universe

THE chinese mafia: Bro.

themoominlover: <333

uwu: Okay enough of whatever the fuck that was

wherewereu: ^

smileyboi: ^

Jisung Pwark: ^

themoominlover: Yall are just some jealous motherfuckers

TAE twink: Language

themoominlover: Oh right sorry

themoominlover: You’re all just some jealous motherfuckers*

TAE twink: Better

bunnyboi: no?? It’s still wrong?

TAE twink: listen, he’s a popstar

GordonRamsayroastedme: U BROKE MY HEART DONGHYUCK

GordonRamsayroastedme: HOW WILL I EVER RECOVER, IF NOT BY GETTING REVENGE?

TAE twink: Yeah

TAE twink: not how that works

ST(K)UNNING: Sometimes I don't understand where we went wrong

dreamfanatic: Tf did u do Hyuck?

devil: YOU HAVE TO ADMIT

devil: YOU LOOKED LIKE A FUCKING POODLE WEARING LEATHER IN THE FIRETRUCK ERA

themoominlover: Firetruck era?

GordonRamsayroastedme: EXCUSE U IT WAS HIGH FASHION AND VERY COOL

GordonRamsayroastedme: Only people with a high IQ would understand

devil: Well the world is full of idiots then

GordonRamsayroastedme: :(((

devil: alright alright

devil: I guess it was kind of high fashion or whatever

GordonRamsayroastedme: :))

GordonRamsayroastedme: so summer camp, the year was 2018

devil: MARK

THE chinese mafia: The betrayal

dreamfanatic: oh yeah let's all just look away from the fact that they went to summer camp last year

dreamfanatic: (like a pair of fucking dumb dumbs)

GordonRamsayroastedme: To get away from you losers

devil: you tell him bro

GordonRamsayroastedme: Not even your homielove will get you out of this one Hyuck

devil: Rude

GordonRamsayroastedme: as Beyonce said, what goes around comes back around

GordonRamsayroastedme: Bitch

ST(K)UNNING: Omg

ST(K)UNNING: What have you created Donghyuck

devil: A monster.

ST(K)UNNING: Might be a little exaggerated, but okay

devil: Valid

devil: Do you want to have a long and detailed online conversation about how the media is changing the way we see reality?

ST(K)UNNING: I thought you'd never ask

uwu: No

uwu: No

uwu: no

uwu: no

uwu: Let's not change the subject

uwu: (Also what the fuck???)

uwu: What happened at the summer camp

devil: Don't do it mark

uwu: Stfu Donghyuck

devil: :00

GordonRamsayroastedme: So. The year was 2018

ten/ten: Mark

GordonRamsayroastedme: yes?

uwu: You got to be kidding me

ten/ten: do you have the wifi code?

GordonRamsayeoastedme: oh yeah sure one sec

uwu: Will the day ever come?

uwu: Are we ever gonna know the truth of the time they call

uwu: "Last Years Bears and Boogie Summer Camp"?

uwu: Nobody knows

GordonRamsayroastedme: I was going to tell you, but now I kind of don't want to talk to you,

GordonRamsayroastedme: like ever again

uwu: Fair enough

bunnyboi: No

bunnyboi: NOT FAIR I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JEOPARDIZED MY CHANCE OF KNOWING WHAT HAPPENED

bunnyboi: IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS SHIT

bunnyboi: U WILL TELL US THE STORY AND U WILL DO IT NOW

wherewereu: Look who be creeping in the chat

bunnyboi: fuck you 

wherewereu: Jesus Christ

ten/ten: Daddy I'm scared

jaethebooty: Me too baby me too

ten/ten: :00

jaethebooty: ;))

ten/ten: I-I was being memey

THE chinese mafia: .

smileyboi: .

themoominlover: Boi

jaethebooty: Oh Cool

jaethebooty: So not regretting my decisions right now

Jisung Pwark: “Daddy pass me the salt meme”

jaethebooty: I hate u

Jisung Pwark: Good

jaethebooty: SO MARK SUMMER CAMP

jaethebooty: PLEASE TELL ME THIS HOPEFULLY REALLY EMBARRASSING STORY ABOUT HYUCK

Jisung Pwark: (U can run away, but u can't hide bitch)

jaethebooty: Fucking watch me

jaethebooty: Wait don't

jaethebooty: Because then I'm not hiding

TAE twink: so smart

johnnys Banana: so strong

ten/ten: Yess what a man, we don't deserve him

dadjokes: How do you have two boyfriends being that stupid,

dadjokes: when I, an intellectual, have none

jaethebooty: That's because I, unlike u, am beautiful

dadjokes: :((

minion-assailant: Aw come on Taeil is beautiful

minion-assailant: don't be mean

minion-assailant: There's not a single part of that man which isn't fucking stunning

Jisung Pwark: .

TAE twink: .

johnnys Banana: .

ten/ten: (Yuta your gay is showing)

dadjokes: What the fuck was that

minion-assailant: NOTHING I JUST LOVE ALL OF U OKAY

Jisung Pwark: seems like u love some of us a little more than the rest

minion-assailant: Where's your proof young man?

ten/ten: Bro scroll up

ten/ten: It

ten/ten: Just

ten/ten: Fucking

ten/ten: Happened

Jisung Pwark: ^^^

minion-assailant: No winwin took my phone

ten/ten: I don't believe it

Jisung Pwark: nice try 

minion-assailant: Why not?

ten/ten: Because all winwin said about kun was “he’s hella good in bed”

ten/ten: Not anything like this-this weak in the knees type shit

minion-assailant: So?

Jisung Pwark:  we all favor Kun

ten/ten: ^

minion-assailant: I must admit I don't enjoy the way the two of u is ganging up on me

minion-assailant: but I do respect it.

Jisung Pwark: :)

ten/ten: ;)

flexible101: Im in China??

dadjokes: Woaw thanks guys

dadjokes: U really know how to make a man feel appreciated

minion-assailant: I don't taeil

minion-assailant: Favor kun that is

minion-assailant: And I also do know how to make a man feel appreciated;)

flexible101: ^         message not sent 

Jisung Pwark: I don't like this

THE chinese mafia: Me neither

dadjokes: Why are u being so sweet today?

flexible101:  It's suspicious

dadjokes: very 

dadjokes: Did you fuck some of my stuff up?

dadjokes: Did you forget to vacuum the floor?

dadjokes: Did you not buy the juice I told you to buy?

dadjokes: Did you manage to somehow forget to buy batteries, which I've told you to get for days now??

minion-assailant: No

minion-assailant: I just think you're great that's all..

minion-assailant: I promise hyung

flexible101: no, something's up

flexible101: (And waow that was so domestic)

dadjokes: Yes

dadjokes: something is definitely up

dadjokes: boys, I think it's time to bring in the big guns 

THE chinese mafia: yes sir yes

dadjokes: Yuta

flexible101: Yuta

Jisung Pwark: Yuta

ten/ten: Yuta

jaethebooty: Yuta

themoominlover: Yuta

THE chinese mafia: Yuta

minion-assailant: What kind of group pressure-

devil: Yuta

ST(K)UNNING: Yuta

bunnyboi: Yuta

wherewereu: Yuta

minion-assailant: ok

GordonRamsayroastedme: Yuta

dreamfanatic: Yuta

uwu: Yuta

TAE twink: Yuta

smileyboi: Yuta

johnnys Banana: Yuta

minion-assailant: OKAY JESUS CHRIST

minion-assailant: I ATE YOUR BLUEBERRY MUFFIN

GordonRamsayroastedme: muffin?

dreamfanatic: i think we're missing something 

smileyboi: this is so anticlimactic wtf

wherewereu: ^

dadjokes: DID YOU EAT MY MUFFIN?

dadjokes: MY BLUEBERRY BLUSE TRIPLE DIPLE CHOCOLATE MUFFIN?

dadjokes: THE MUFFIN I DROVE THREE HOURS TO GET

dadjokes: THAT MUFFIN?

smileyboi: the thing about this being anticlimactic?

smileyboi: yeah, I take it back

wherewereu: ^

minion-assailant: Yes that muffin:(

dadjokes: YUTA NAKAMOTO IM GONNA FUCK U UP

flexible101: u deserve it

minion-assailant: I know

*Sunday 7.54 PM*

dadjokes: So what happened at the summer camp?

devil: Sooo where’s Yuta right now?

dadjokes: well played.

Chapter Text

*Monday 8.46 PM*

johnnys Banana: Guyd

johnnys Banana: Guys

johnnys Banana: Guys

johnnys Banana: Guys

johnnys Banana: GUYS

flexible101: Jesus Christ Johnny WHAT

johnnys Banana: I need your help

flexible101: With?

johnnys Banana: Something very important

flexible101: Oh really now?

johnnys Banana: yes

johnnys Banana: Life or death

flexible101: Well shit

flexible101: shoot me I guess

johnnys Banana: All right

flexible101: ?

johnnys Banana: Would this line work on you

flexible101: I'm disappointed but not surprised right now

bunnyboi: Yeah you walked yourself right into that one

flexible101: Stfu

johnnys Banana: GUYD THIS IS IMPORTANT AND KIND OF URGENT

flexible101: URGENT?

johnnys Banana: Yeah I'm standing in a queue in that cute little bookshop at the mall and my chance is about to be lost for all of eternity

flexible101: all right go

johnnys Banana: U a real one

johnnys Banana: Are u ready?

flexible101: For fuck sake

flexible101: yes, please just get it over with 

johnnys Banana: You can't rush art bitch

flexible101: First, it's urgent,

flexible101: and now we can't rush it

flexible101: I hate this fucking family

ST(K)UNNING: YOU TAKE THAT BACK

flexible101: how does he do that?

bunnyboi: we will never know

bunnyboi: I just learned not to question his ability to sense bullshit

johnnys Banana: ^

ST(K)UNNING: /magic/

bunnyboi: Whatever

johnnys Banana: Say you're sorry

flexible101: Why?

johnnys Banana: Because if u don't

johnnys Banana: I'm gonna make you clean the sofa

flexible101: Oh no

flexible101: Not the sofa

johnnys Banana: The sofa bitch

flexible101: Well I'm sorry

johnnys Banana: U better be

johnnys Banana: (Thanks kun)

flexible101: Just give me your fucking pick up line

johnnys Banana: Okay here we go

johnnys Banana: Girl I’ll make u wet with my tears

flexible101: woaw

bunnyboi: ?

bunnyboi: ?

bunnyboi: ?

flexible101: First of all

flexible101: ???

flexible101: What the fuck

flexible101: Second of all why so emo

flexible101: 2007 is dead and buried no need to dig her back up with your crappy Tumblr depression

flexible101: And third

flexible101: Aren't you in a fucking relationship (Yes this is a bit late, but I was caught up in the moment)

johnnys Banana: ?? Yourself

flexible101: No

johnnys Banana: And yes, yes I am

johnnys Banana: But we, I mean we have all agreed that sex with other people is all right as long as everybody's cool with it

flexible101: So ten and jaehyun don't care?

johnnys Banana: No?

johnnys Banana: Bruh haven't you noticed how there's sometimes people walking out from our room in the morning?

flexible101: no?

flexible101: does it happen a lot? wtf

flexible101: But- u seem so possessive, like when people flirt and shit

johnnys Banana: Well that's mostly for the shits and giggles

bunnyboi: Never say that again

flexible101: So you just like other people while being together?

johnnys Banana: I mean if a person came up and confessed it would be different

johnnys Banana: But this is just sex, it's not like we love any of them, so no we don't

TAE twink: Purely sexual?

TAE twink: No nothing?

johnnys Banana: Yes?

johnnys Banana: If any of us loved someone else we probably would have told them or something

flexible101: huh the more you know 

TAE twink: Oh

TAE twink: good to know

johnnys Banana: Why?

bunnyboi: ( this is awkward )

TAE twink: Ahaha just because of you know

TAE twink: all the unanswered questions 

johnnys Banana: ??

johnnys Banana: like?

TAE twink: LIKE WHEN THEY GO IN THE MORNING, SHOULD I EXPECT TO SEE THEM AGAIN? SHOULD I BE NICE?

TAE twink: SHOULD I MAKE THEM BREAKFAST?

TAE twink: SHIT LIKE THAT

bunnyboi: Calm down there would ya

bunnyboi: (And nice save)

johnnys Banana: When have u ever made breakfast to one of my one night stands?

bunnyboi: Tf u mean?

bunnyboi: He does it every time?

johnnys Banana: Really?

bunnyboi: Yeah

johnnys Banana: Why?

TAE twink: Idfk okay I like to cook and none of u motherfuckers appreciate it anymore

GordonRamsayroastedme: Woaw that's not true I very much appreciate u making food for me

TAE twink: Once u called me at 5 pm saying “ yo room service can you come up with some lasagna?”

GordonRamsayroastedme: Yeah?

bunnyboi: Doesn't sound too bad

TAE twink: I was in Tokyo,

TAE twink: he was at home

TAE twink: And he ended the call saying “And would u be quick? I don't have all day”

bunnyboi: I take it back

bunnyboi: Very bad

bunnyboi: Shame on you

GordonRamsayroastedme: Everybody makes mistakes everybody has those days

bunnyboi: I can't stand you

devil: Why the fuck would you quote Hannah Montana?

GordonRamsayroastedme: Ehm

GordonRamsayroastedme: MAYBE BECAUSE SHE IS THE QUEEN OF POP AND TELEVISION, YOU DUMB WHORE

devil: That was-

devil: woaw I don't even know how to respond to that

devil: Except with an EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT THE REAL STAR IN HANNAH MONTANA WAS RICO

GordonRamsayroastedme: why are you like this?

bunnyboi: ^

johnnys Banana: ^

flexible101: ^

devil: I honestly don't know anymore

devil: Once, I did it for the shits and giggles(shout out to Johnny)

devil: But now,,,, its been so long, I don't even know if I really mean the shit I say or not

jaethebooty: .

GordonRamsayroastedme: .

johnnys Banana: .

bunnyboi: Sounds like a you problem

devil: Oh it does indeed

ST(K)UNNING: I hate this fucking family

*All members of SUP FUCKERS “ :0 “ reacted on kuns message*

flexible101: We really need a new chat name

GordonRamsayroastedme: ^

devil: ^

jaethebooty: ^

ST(K)UNNING: ^

flexible101: Also kun don't think I didn't see the double morality 

ST(K)UNNING: Shut the fuck up

flexible101: Yes sir, all right sir

•PRIVATE CHAT: Johnny jaehyun ten and Taeyong•

TAE twink: Guys I can't come to your room today

TAE twink: Srry I'm not feeling so good

johnnys Banana: Really?

johnnys Banana: You need something?

ten/ten: Should I make some soup?

jaethebooty: I'm at the mall right now I could buy some medicine?

TAE twink: No, no it's fine I’ll just try to sleep it off

johnnys Banana: We could come cuddle you?

jaethebooty: I don't mind getting a cold

ten/ten: ^

TAE twink: No really guys it's all right

TAE twink: Can't you just find someone else?

TAE twink: I'm not feeling it today

ten/ten: Someone else?

johnnys Banana: Feeling it?

jaethebooty: Taeyong what do you mean?

TAE twink: Nothing

TAE twink: Nothing

TAE twink: Listen I'm really tired I'm going to bed now

johnnys Banana: All right

ten/ten: Sleep well baby

jaethebooty: Get better till tomorrow so we can shower u in affection (Also known as kisses and cuddles)

TAE twink: Night

* PRIVATE CHAT: Jaehyun, ten and Johnny*

johnnys Banana: Something's not right

ten/ten: Yeah

ten/ten: No shit sherlock

jaethebooty: ^

Chapter Text

*Wednesday 6.42 PM* 

themoominlover: I WAnnA KnoW WHAT lOvE iSSS

themoominlover: BECAUSE IM LONELYYYY as SHIt

themoominlover: AND APPARENTLY EVERYBODY ELSE IN THIS GROUP BE FUCKIIING

themoominlover: WHY AM I THE O N L Y ONE HERE BEING HORNY

themoominlover: SINGLE

themoominlover: AND MOTHERFUCKING READY TO MINGLE

uwu: *Gasp'

uwu: one: REnJuN

uwu: two: there are CHILDREN in this chat

uwu: three: honey be glad you're not the one writing our lyrics, because

uwu: woaw

uwu: and four: since when have you been the mingling type?

themoominlover: oh shit sorry

themoominlover: EXCEPT JISUNG AND CHENLEEEEEE*

themoominlover: and jungwoo you're really hurting my feelings here

themoominlover: I mean cut me some slack, it's hard to be creative

THE chinese mafia: your little change didn't do ish- still burned into my brain

THE chinese mafia: for life

THE chinese mafia: you've ruined me renjun

Jisung Pwark: I will never be able to believe in true love now

Jisung Pwark: is everything that matters in a relationship really just sex?

themoominlover: in the kind I want it is lol

TAE twink: wait what

uwu: ReNJuN

ten/ten: blocked

johnnys Banana: this is legal right?

dadjokes: he's the one being called innocent right????

minion-assailant: where's ncts pure boi renjun?

dreamfanatic: (what happened to "I'm hopelessly in love with my two best friends but too fucking oblivious to see it" renjun?)

smileyboi: ghjhiumhkjgdykl

devil: jeno?

themoominlover: I am 19 soon to be 20 fuckers

themoominlover: let me live my life

johnnys Banana: YOUR STILL BASICALLY OUR CHILD

johnnys Banana: IF WE WERE IN SOME KIND OF POLY RELATIONSHIP WITH 6 CHILDREN

ten/ten: I mean,,,, we're not long from it

johnnys Banana: shh lets not dwell on the details too much

minion-assailant: OUR SWEET LITTLE PRECIOUS CHINESE BABY BOY

themoominlover: okaaaay

themoominlover: I think it's time to calm down now

minion-assailant: yeah

minion-assailant: that kind of went overboard

themoominlover: just a little yeah

Jisung Pwark: huh

Jisung Pwark: why do people like it so much?

Jisung Pwark: taeyong?

TAE twink: like what so much?

Jisung Pwark: sex

flexible101: yeah taeyong why do people like sex so much?

TAE twink: fucking snakes

TAE twink: why is it always me-

TAE twink: TAEIL

dadjokes: ME??

dadjokes: NOT

dadjokes: TODAY

dadjokes: DOYOUNG

bunnyboi: really? even if I personally knew how to answer this question, I still wouldn't fucking do it

bunnyboi: YUTA

minion-assailant: WINWIN

flexible101: KUN

ST(K)UNNING: LUCAS

ST(K)UNNING: WAIT

ST(K)UNNING: NO

ST(K)UNNING: BAD IDEA

dreamfanatic: oh WoAw

uwu: sorry honey but I'm gonna have to agree with kun here, you might not be the best to explain this

uwu: plus if you can do it, mark might as well

jaethebooty: I mean he is the leader of dream 

jaethebooty: leader of ThE DrEaM TEaM

dreamfanatic: wait

dreamfanatic: but mark isnt in dream anymore?

THE chinese mafia: listen you dumb whore

dreamfanatic: :00

 ST(K)UNNING: LANGUAGE 

THE chinese mafia: oh shit sorry 

THE chinese mafia: listen you dumb whore hyung*

 ST(K)UNNING: better

THE chinese mafia: mark will always be the leader of dream

dreamfanatic: but-

THE chinese mafia: nO BUTS

THE chinese mafia: who would be the new leader anyway?

THE chinese mafia: renjun???

dreamfanatic: yeah?

THE chinese mafia: no

themoominlover: im a little offended not gonna lie

themoominlover: but still hell no

themoominlover: let mark do the talk

devil: I suddenly felt my spidysenses tinkling,

devil: right in the middle of me eating my cereal

devil: somebody gonna make mark uncomfortable

devil: pls let it be me

GordonRamsayroastedme: I also felt something,

GordonRamsayroastedme: this being hyuck spilling his cereal down in my lap

GordonRamsayroastedme: thanks for that by the way

devil: no problemo

GordonRamsayroastedme: and sure I'll talk to them about it,

GordonRamsayroastedme: but do you really want me to?

GordonRamsayroastedme: I mean think about it

GordonRamsayroastedme: I co-wrote whiplash, wrote dripping, AND I also helped with baby don't like it

jaethebooty: fuck

jaethebooty: you're right

jaethebooty: WHAT AN HORRIBLE IDEA JUNGWOO

uwu: SoRRy

devil: y'all acting like mark still wouldn't be a blushing fucking mess throughout the entire conversation

GordonRamsayroastedme: cough summer camp cough

devil: I have nothing more to comment on this specific topic.

GordonRamsayroastedme: oh really?

GordonRamsayroastedme: u sure?

devil: YEAH

devil: IM GOOD

GordonRamsayroastedme: I thought you would love to make me uncomfortable tho?

devil: narrrh

devil: not really feeling like it anymore

GordonRamsayroastedme: hmmm:)))

ten/ten: woaw

ten/ten: what kind of blackmail do you have Markieboi

GordonRamsayroastedme: ;))))

devil: NoTHinG

devil: HE DOESN'T HAVE SHIT

ten/ten: oh really now?

devil: YES

wherewereu: what are y'all writing about

wherewereu: jeno has literally been staring at nothing for 2 minutes now

wherewereu: like is he dead??

wherewereu: should I call someone?

wherewereu: an ambulance?

wherewereu: his parents?

wherewereu: renjun?

wherewereu: I mean nothing bad seems to have been written

wherewereu: markhyuck bickering

wherewereu: whats new

GordonRamsayroastedme:  I would say look further up,

GordonRamsayroastedme:  but I'm not sure your poor heart is gonna be able to take it

wherewereu: pffft my heart???

wherewereu: aint nothing can make me lose my shit

wherewereu: unlessfgy

wherewereu: jdfdslsfksdfaewf

Jisung Pwark: jaemin.exe not found

GordonRamsayroastedme: fucking called it

dadjokes: ??

dadjokes: jaemin?

dadjokes: minnie?

dadjokes: jaem?

dadjokes: huh

dadjokes: weird

minion-assailant: does that happen a lot?

themoominlover: what?

minion-assailant: you saying something and nomin being shook

themoominlover: eeeh

themoominlover: sometimes yeah

themoominlover: why?

minion-assailant: huh

minion-assailant: interesting new information

minion-assailant: in what case scenarios does this usually happen renjun?

themoominlover: again why?

themoominlover: it’s not like it means anything, best friends do things like that all the time

themoominlover: apparently,    message not sent

themoominlover: just ask donghyuck

themoominlover: how many times hasn’t he been caught staring at marks photocards with his mouth open?

GordonRamsayroastedme: you stare at my photocards huh?

devil: shut it markie the poo

themoominlover: but to answer your question

themoominlover: it just happens sometimes

themoominlover: once we were out swimming, and i came out of the water

themoominlover: then another time was in the practice room and they caught me dancing to move

minion-assailant: the more you know 

bunnyboi: maybe somebody should check on them

bunnyboi: you know to see if they're still breathing

themoominlover: naarh

themoominlover: let them sit a little

themoominlover: (hopefully they'll realize what they be fucking missing. message not sent)

themoominlover: lets go back to the start tho

themoominlover: the whole sex thing was kind of a joke

themoominlover: (not really)

themoominlover: but I do feel a little lonely

themoominlover: maybe I, in all seriousness, should start dating

themoominlover: I mean, it's not like there's anything stopping me

themoominlover: right?

TAE twink: renjun

TAE twink: now may not be the best time tho

TAE twink: you guys is about to have your comeback which means a packed schedule

TAE twink: it's gonna be stressful

TAE twink: RIGHT GUYS

bunnyboi: eh yeah

bunnyboi: sure

dreamfanatic: totally

johnnys Banana: 205% the real reason why that would be a bad idea

johnnys Banana: nothing to do with you just looking for a rebound

GordonRamsayroastedme: ^

THE chinese mafia: ^

Jisung Pwark: ^

dadjokes: ^

flexible101: ^

TAE twink: real convincing guys

themoominlover: well that's just a bunch of bullshit

themoominlover: jaemin and jeno started dating even tho we were right in the middle of recordings

themoominlover: which is just as stressful

themoominlover: and none of you guys said anything

TAE twink: that might be true but

themoominlover: HOW IS THAT any different?

themoominlover: ( If they want to date each other without me, then I should be allowed to fucking find somebody else and move on.  message not sent)

themoominlover: if they can date each other, then I too should have the right to date

smileyboi: no

wherewereu: no

bunnyboi: oh look nomin is functioning again

themoominlover: no ?

themoominlover: u really think you guys have the right to decide that?

dadjokes: GuYS

bunnyboi: this is not going to be pretty

devil: ohohohoh I know

smileyboi: yEaH no

smileyboi: me and jaemin is different, we have known each other for a long time, and this relationship has been in the making for a while now

smileyboi: that's not the same as you going out and finding some random person,

smileyboi: why do you even want to date?

themoominlover: oh really?

themoominlover: for a while now

smileyboi: yes

dreamfanatic: is that the only thing he's going to comment on?

johnnys Banana: that might've been the wrong thing to say my dudes

themoominlover: well that is just fucking marvelous isn't it?

themoominlover: and when did you plan on telling me huh?

themoominlover: with the wedding invitations?

themoominlover: at the cafe?

themoominlover: while we were STUDYING

themoominlover: OR MAYBE IT WAS YOUR PLAN TO HAVE ME WALK IN ON YOU IN THE KITCHEN

themoominlover: THAT WAS A GREAT FUCKING MOMENT WASN'T IT?

themoominlover: GIVE A GUY SOME FUCKING HINTS WONT YA

johnnys Banana: correction: it 100% was the wrong thing to say

bunnyboi: renjun I don't think they meant to hurt you in any way

bunnyboi: maybe the time just wasn't right yet

themoominlover: the time wasn't right

themoominlover: it has apparently been going on for a while now

themoominlover: which mean they have had plenty of time

themoominlover: and hurt me?

themoominlover: they didn't hurt me

themoominlover: it just sucks that they get treated differently

themoominlover: I'm a part of this team too

themoominlover: I deserve to be happy too

themoominlover: and I sure as hell deserve to be more than a fucking third wheel who thought he was loved and cared for, but instead was being played around with and fooled into believing in a stupid fucking fantasy

devil: bro

TAE twink: renjun-

TAE twink: listen I, more than anyone understand how you're feeling, but yelling at everyone won't fix anything.

johnnys Banana: you've been in a situation like this?

TAE twink: and of course you deserve happiness, and if you think finding somebody to date will help you with that, then

TAE twink: do it.

wherewereu: HYUNG

TAE twink: no

TAE twink: if that is what he wants to do, then he's gonna do it.

TAE twink: unless anyone has anything to say about it?

wherewereu: ....

smileyboi: .....

TAE twink: yeah, didn't think so

*jaemin and jeno private chat*

wherewereu: jeno

smileyboi: yeah

wherewereu: we're gonna have to do something

smileyboi: yes

smileyboi: but what?

wherewereu: i don't fucking know

wherewereu: but what I do know is that if renjun starts to date somebody else,

wherewereu: our chance will probably be lost forever

wherewereu: and I wouldn't be able to live with that

smileyboi: me neither

*taeyong and renjun private chat*

TAE twink: you really want to date somebody?

TAE twink: other than jeno and jaemin of course

themoominlover: no

themoominlover: but hyung, I have to move on

themoominlover: and this way might be the fastest

themoominlover: it hurts

themoominlover: so much

themoominlover: especially now that they're not hiding anymore

themoominlover: i don't want these feelings

themoominlover: not when I know for sure they don't like me like that

themoominlover: it was nice and all in the beginning when I could pretend that they looked at me the same way they looked at each other, but that time is over now

themoominlover: I have to move on.