Archive of Our Own ^beta

Title: Angel Over the West Wing
Author: Loquita
Written: August 2000
Rating: PG-13
Category: first season finale resolution, CJ/Danny, Josh/Donna, a little bit of everyone else.
Summary: The shooting causes emotional scars for all that work at the West Wing.
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to The West Wing or to any of the characters, richer people than me own those rights. I have no desire to make money from this. I only hope that others find some enjoyment from my story, which is payment enough.

People who believe their lives are meant for something greater than simply to exist on the earth never imagine horrible, tragic things will happen to them. They are the ones to heal the wounds, to prosecute the criminals, to pass the laws against such madness once it has already happened in some distant place at some other time far separated from their own lives. They are made of courage, intelligence, honor, the things heroes are made off. They are not made to be one of the victims themselves.

The first gunshot broke the serenity of the night far above where the crowds gathered. Far above where these people who believe they are heroes and are therefore invincible were causally walking amid the mortals in the crowd. The shots came from two boys with evil pulsing in their veins. One who laughed as he kept shooting and making his dream come true. His dream of making the world equal, making the stupid like him better than the smart ones like them for the first time in his short life. It was justice, it was fair, it was right.

Monday 10:17 PM

The Secret Service had shoved the president headfirst into the limousine, which was made to protect him for just this sort of event. Gina, Zoey's agent had pulled her and Charlie Young down as the first shot went off. She now reached over and opened the president's limo door and got her body between Zoey and the shooters as she pushed Zoey in. Zoey was screaming back at her. "No. Charlie-" Gina pushed again and slammed the door. Then she crouched back down and hid Charlie from the bullets flying around them.

Leo McGarry was third in the Secret Service's priority behind the president and the first family. Ron, an agent who often had Leo as his detail, got Leo to the ground in a hurry and covered him with his own body. Leo's head was turned to the right and from ground level he scanned trying to see any of his staff. He saw the President put in the limousine, so his concern now was for the safety of others that he would never admit how much he cared for. 'Please let them be okay, please let them be okay...' his prayer repeated over and over in his mind.

To CJ Cregg, it sounded like fireworks going off on the 4th of July. She had never before heard live gunfire. So when the Secret Service agent pushed her into the ground and glass from the windows of the car began falling around her, it took several minutes for it all to register.

Sam Seaborn had been walking next to CJ and was now lying on the ground in front of her. The agent who had pushed her down suddenly grunted and collapsed on top of her, the added weight coupled with a shooting pain up her left arm caused her to cry out. Sam heard the cry and tried twisting around to see her.

"CJ." He tried yelling louder than the bang of the guns and the screams of the crowd. Another Secret Service man on the ground yelled into Sam's ear. "Don't move until I say." Sam stayed still but continued to yell hoping she could hear him. "Hang on CJ, just hang on."

Joshua Lyman had been lagging behind the group of senior staff as he exited the Newseum in Virginia where the town hall meeting had taken place. Once the shots rang out he was stuck behind the barricades used to keep the crowd from getting too close to the president. He sank to his knees, with wide eyes he watched what could happen on any given day but never seemed like it actually would.

Toby Ziegler was not far from Josh but in the chaos of the crowd around him, he got pushed to the ground and lay on his back. He was blocked in without any clue as to whether the President or any of his fellow staffers where targets of the gunshots he could hear. He watched as a woman in the crowd, still standing, had a bullet tear through her right shoulder and fall onto a child next to her. A man's esophagus caught another bullet and the blood splattered like paint on the crowd around him and on Toby's shirt and face. It seemed so unreal and slow, like he was watching a movie playing on a big screen in front of him. The man who once had an esophagus now lay near Toby's feet and several other men where trampling over him to get away from the scene. Toby put his hands over his eyes, he had seen enough, now he waited for silence.

The sharp shooters on the roof of the hotel across the street saw the scene begin to unfold, they were already running down the roof stairs when orders where barked into their earpieces. The location of the room was given and they kicked in the door and secured the young men 1 minute and 34 seconds after the first shot was fired. But 17 more had followed.

As soon as the agents where given the all clear, the presidential limousine screeched away toward the White House. Sirens and screams still filled the night even though the gun shots had stopped. Ron helped Leo get up and into the second limo waiting.

"I'll gather the rest of the staff and get you guys out of here too." He said before shutting the door. Charlie Young rolled over and felt blood trickle from his right brow, he had glass shards all over him and cuts on his arms and hands from them. Gina lay still and he could see blood pooling on her right side. The paramedics where beginning to arrive on scene and he called out to them, "Over here." Two arrived and lifted Gina onto a board and then carried her toward an ambulance. A third medic knelt down to help clean and bandage Charlie's wounds.

The quiet prompted Sam's fear to turn into adrenaline and he crawled toward CJ. "Sam?" The shaky voice from underneath asked and Sam released the breath he was holding. The agent on top of her wasn't moving away, the back of his head was covered in blood.

"Tom." One agent came over and crouched next to the man who had protected CJ. "Oh, my God, Tom." He rolled Tom away and Sam reached down to CJ. "Okay?" he asked. He helped her stand up and CJ caught a glimpse of Tom's blood pouring out the back of his skull. She stared at the man on the ground, then looked at Sam with eyes of shock and tears.

"Come on." Sam guided her away from the scene as medics came over to assist Tom. CJ's legs felt like they were going to give way. When Ron found them and escorted them to the limo, she gratefully climbed in.

"CJ? Sam?" Leo sat up when they got in next to him. Ron leaned into the limo also. "Leo, I'm going to send you three on your way. We'll find the others and send them in another car. We think additional suspects are still in the crowd out there, this is for the best."

"Ok, Ron." Leo answered and the limo began moving.

More medics and DC cops began to arrive on scene. Four cops where helping a part of the crowd where several people where being taken away in ambulances and the remaining where hysterical. One cop leaned down to help a balding man in a suit to his feet.

"Is the President okay?" Toby asked the cop. Josh thought he heard a familiar voice and it snapped him out of his state. "TOBY!?" Josh yelled. Toby pushed the cop out of his way. "Josh?" Toby yelled back. The cop came over and helped move the barricade enough so Josh could get through.

"Mr. Lyman, right?" The DC cop seemed a little unsure. "Yeah." Josh answered him while putting and arm on Toby's shoulder.

Another cop interrupted the reunion, "If you guys are part of the President's staff, I have orders to get you back to the White House immediately." He helped them into a DC police car and as it began to move, Toby looked into the eyes of the bystanders. They had come to celebrate and cheer on a man they admired and loved. They had voted him into office, loved him through the great achievements and the mistakes, and they where here hoping to catch sight of him tonight. They where not here to loose their lives. The third car left the scene outside the auditorium that night to drive back to the West Wing.

Monday 10:49 PM

Donna, Margaret, Ginger, and Kathy stood in the foyer of the West Wing. The President's car had arrived minutes earlier and Mrs. Laningham informed them of what had happened. No word on the rest of the staff was known. Leo, Sam, and CJ entered the building and Margaret ran over and threw her arms around Leo's neck. "Margaret." He said. "No time for emotional displays, we have a lot to do."

"Yes, sir." She stepped back, blushing a little, and arranged her jacket. "Mrs. Laningham asked me to inform you that the President and Zoey are both fine. You are to account for all the senior staff and then go see him in the residence."

"Any sign of Josh or Toby?" Leo asked.

"No, you don't know if they're okay?"

"If I knew, why would I ask?" Leo turned to CJ and Sam. "You two begin preparing a statement to the press emphasizing that the President and Zoey are fine and there is an investigation underway. Whenever we hear about the others, let's meet in my office."

"Sure." Sam replied and Leo walked down the hall with Margaret in tow.

"Donna and I can keep watch out the window in Josh's office and let you know when they get here." Ginger offered, guiding the now shaking Donna away.

"Great. CJ," Sam led her through the bullpen and into her office, "we should start with the President's fine, be reassuring though out." CJ sank into her couch, it had all happened so fast. Now she sat in her office where three hours ago she had made fun of Danny's pride in the Dallas Morning News. Her suit was rumpled and stained her head was pounding and so was her left arm. She was not listening to anything Sam was saying, he stopped his rambling and asked her, "What?" As an answer, she lifted up her left wrist swelling twice its usual size.

"I fell on it, I forgot." CJ stated plainly while staring at it like it didn't belong to her. Sam sighed. He knew CJ was really shaken up by this and he was hoping throwing work at her would help keep her mind straight. Carol interrupted his thoughts by knocking on the doorframe. "CJ, is there anything I can get you? Oh, hey Sam."

"Yeah, Carol could you get some ice and then call for someone to take a look at CJ's wrist?"

"Sure."

"Stay here, I'll be right back." Sam left her lounging back in the couch with her injury resting in he lap. Walking back through the bullpen he heard a yell from Donna, "Josh!" Toby and Josh entered the front doors and in a similar display to Margaret's, Donna threw herself at Josh. "Josh, I thought maybe you where dead when you didn't come back with the others."

"Donna, Donna, Donna. I'm fine," Josh patted her back and pulled away to look at her, "see, it's me and I'm fine." Toby rolled his eyes and looked at Ginger.

"Don't even think about it." He told her, as Sam entered.

"You guys okay?" Sam asked.

"As well as we can be under the circumstances," Toby grouched. "Who else made it back so far?"

"The President and Zoey are fine, Leo is in his office waiting for you and CJ is in hers, probably with a broken wrist." Sam answered. The group collectively moved down the hall and into Leo's office where he was on the phone but waved them in.

"Yes.... Yes.... Yeah.... Thanks...bye." He hung up and showed a corner of a smile. "Good to see you guys. Where's CJ?"

"Her arm has swelled up the size of a watermelon. Carol's getting someone to look at it, my diagnosis is broken."

"Thank you Dr. Seaborn." Leo looked down at a paper on his desk and back up at the group in front of him. "We know at this point the Secret Service has two teenage white kids in custody and an undetermined number of Secret Service agents and people in the crowd where shot and rushed to the hospital. Margaret's got the name and number of a doctor at County working in the ER. Sam, Toby, work on a statement, show it to me, and then have Sam give the press conference. Josh, you're our guy for the investigation. Ron's got a cell phone and he's at DC police headquarters, he'll keep you updated. I'm going up to see the President, I'll be back here in 15. Okay? Go." They scattered like ants at a picnic.

In the residence, Leo knocked on the President's bedroom door. An agent opened it and said, "He's expecting you." Inside, the lights were dim, Zoey was now wearing a tee shirt and shorts and laying width-wise on top of the bed with her eyes closed. The President was seated near her head and looked up as Leo entered. "Sorry, Mr. President." Leo whispered.

"It's okay, outside?" They sipped into the hallway but still spoke with hushed tones.

"She's shaken up a little," the President indicated his bedroom, "we called Abby, she's on her way back from the dinner."

"Josh, Toby, Sam are all back and fine, CJ has an injured wrist but is also in the West Wing. I got a call from Ron, they got two teenage white kids they're interrogating right now. Also, the doctor in the ER says that Charlie's fine, some cuts needed stitches but he'll be going home tonight."

"Oh, good," President Bartlet said, "Zoey will be relieved to hear."

"One thing, Mr. President," Leo sighed, "I haven't told the others yet, but Mandy was found pretty bad, the doctors aren't sure." Leo stopped. He had actually gotten his hopes up for a while there that everyone would come out fine.

"Ok, keep me informed Leo." Leo nodded and left the President to his daughter.

Sam entered the pressroom as flashbulbs popped continuously. He got up to the podium and took a deep breath, this was not his forté but CJ was not up for this right now. He scanned the crowd of reporters, all tense with anticipation of a big story mixed with a bit of fear for how bad Sam's words could be. Sam began, "I have a statement to read and I will not be taking any questions after. At 10:17 PM this evening an assassination attempt was made on the President's life." More flashbulbs. "Let me first assure you that the President was unharmed. His daughter, Zoey, who was accompanying him to the event, was also unharmed."

Toby, Leo, and Josh watched from a TV in Leo's office. "He's doing good." Toby said. The phone rang at Leo's desk and he waved to Josh, "Pick it up, it's Ron calling again and I want you on it." Josh picked up the phone and knowing it was Ron, he was informal, "Yep." He listened for several minutes in silence as the TV's sound filled the room.

"The suspects are in custody and the FBI will be holding a press conference first thing in the morning, as of yet, I have no further information on the investigation."

"Leo." Josh placed the phone on the hook and gripped the edge of the desk so he wouldn't collapse.

"Yeah Josh, wha'd he say?" Josh didn't answer Leo so both he and Toby turned around to face a pale Josh clinging to the desk. "Josh?" Leo asked.

"Mandy." Josh said and let his chin drop to his chest. "It was the hospital, Leo, not Ron." Sam's voice continued in the background but the three in the room where on pause. "She's gone." Josh choked out and Leo came over to him. "Josh, I'm so sorry." Josh's head raised up and he yelled.

"You knew. You knew she was bad and didn't tell me." Josh stared into Leo's eyes and stormed out of the room.

"That's all I have, we will let you know more as it becomes available." Sam finished up and began to exit the podium. All the voices in the room began calling his name except one. Danny Concannon remained in his seat and silent. With Sam giving the press conference, every possible, horrible scenario of the earlier events played out in his mind. One woman's fate played a pivotal role in each one.

Josh stormed past Donna and into his office. He picked up a pile of papers on his desk and threw them against the wall. "Josh?" Donna followed him in. Josh grabbed a book on the table and threw that against the wall too. "Josh. Stop. Josh, what's wrong?" He pushed all the papers, folders, and pencils from his desk onto the floor with one swoop. "JOSH!" He stopped and looked at her with red rimmed eyes.

"Mandy's gone. Leo didn't let me say good-bye." He took his coat off the hook and grabbed his keys off the table and walked out of the office with Donna trailing behind him.

"Where are you going? Josh, you shouldn't be driving in this condition." She followed him through the West Wing, into the parking garage and up to his car where she grabbed his keys from him. "Where do you want to go? I'll drive you."

"Home." Josh's shoulders dropped. "Donna, I just wanna go home."

Leo entered CJ's outer office to find Carol holding three bottles of over-the-counter pain relievers. "I hope you're not planning to give her all of those?" Leo nodded to the bottles.

"No," Carol blushed, "I was just going to ask which she preferred. She's with the doctor now."

"Okay. Why don't you give me those." Leo took the bottles in one hand and knocked on the half-opened door with the other. A young uniformed officer was bandaging CJ's wrist; one of a few Navy doctors that rotate being on the premises at all times.

"Ice and compression for 24 hours, get an X-ray tomorrow." The officer rose and nodded to Leo. "She'll be fine Mr. McGarry."

"Thanks." The officer left them alone and Leo held up the bottles and shook them. "I was saving you from being overdosed by Carol out there." CJ lifted the corners of her mouth in a weak smile.

"I saw Sam do the press conference. If you had given me a little time, I could have-" Leo cut her off.

"CJ, go home, get some rest, recover, I don't want to see you until after that X-ray."

"That's ridiculous it's nothing, I'm perfectly capable of handling this and the press room."

"It's not ridiculous and it's not nothing."

"Leo." CJ sighed. Most of their disagreements usually stemmed from her. She often assumed Leo was treating her differently, because she was the Press Secretary or because she was female. While she wanted to be treated as just one of the guys. This time, he knew exactly what to say to win this argument.

"CJ, if one of the others got hurt I would do the same for them too."

"Ok, but you call me if things get hairy and you need help." CJ gave in. Leo handed her the bottles in his hand.

"Carol." He called the secretary in. "Take CJ home, make sure she gets tucked in."

"Real cute Leo." CJ rolled her eyes at him.

Leo left Carol struggling with getting CJ's bandaged arm into her coat. He stopped in Toby's office, Sam was leaning against the wall talking with him.

"Guys, either of you seen Josh?"

"Ginger said he left with Donna." Sam provided.

"Okay, Sam, go in and put the lid on and then both you go home and get some sleep. We're starting at 5 AM tomorrow and it's going to be a long next couple of days." Leo got back to his office to find Margaret staring at the TV's, the press had now gotten a hold of video footage and were playing it over and over.

"Margaret," Leo's voice made her jump, "tomorrow morning we're starting with press conferences at 5 and then making funeral arrangements."

"Yes, sir." She made no move to leave the office.

"Margaret?"

"Are you really fine?" Her voice had a shake to it.

"Yeah. I promise I'm okay. Go home and get some sleep." He touched her elbow, then moved past her to his desk where he placed a call upstairs to inform the President of Mandy's death.

Danny raised his hand to knock at Carol's door when he realized that no one was there. The light was even out in CJ's office and it was eerily quiet while the rest of the West Wing was humming with activity. His heart rate shot up. 'If one of the staff was seriously hurt and in the hospital Sam would have said it at the press conference.' He tried reasoning with himself. It wasn't working, his nerves where on edge, he hated to admit how much this not knowing was breaking him. He picked up Carol's phone and dialed his paper.

"Mike, I need you to get an address for me."

"Jeb!" Abby rushed into the room dropping her coat just inside the door. Her husband opened his arms and took her into a tight embrace.

"Mom?" A sleepy voice from the bed caused them to finally part. A few tears in Abby's eyes where wiped aside, she squeezed her husband's hand, and then she went to her daughter.

"Honey, are you all right?"

"Yea, Mom. Dad says Charlie's fine too." Jeb let the conversation between his wife and his youngest fade behind his thoughts. The entire experience seemed to happen so fast, he had yet to see his staff first hand. Though he knew Leo wouldn't lie to him, it would be good tomorrow morning to see them all gathered in his office. They were his extended family and almost as large of a concern as the well being of Zoey tonight. Leo had called minutes before with the news of Mandy's death and that Josh was taking it particularly hard. It was going to be a long road for all of them to get past the emotional injuries they suffered tonight.

Carol had dropped CJ at her door, which became a problem only once she got inside and tried wrestling off her coat. Finally she tossed it across the chair and went into the kitchen to get some water. The bandage was huge, covering all of her fingers to well past her elbow. She opened the fridge and tried twisting the cap on a bottle of water with no hint of success, she put it in the counter and entered her bedroom instead. She managed to change her slacks into cotton PJ bottoms but getting her blouse up over her head was becoming a chore. She heard a few short knocks on her door and Danny's voice, "CJ? CJ, I hope you're here, your door's unlocked." Startled from Danny and unable to see due to a half on/ half off blouse, CJ tripped and fell onto the bedroom floor. Danny heard a "humpf" from a room somewhere inside the apartment and came running.

"CJ?"

"Danny, don't-" He already stood at the entrance to her bedroom and observed the crumpled from of CJ Cregg on the floor.

"Here." He helped lift up the blouse while trying to avert his eyes. CJ's blushing turned a dark shade of red as she grabbed the tee shirt from the bed and pulled it over her head, again with his assistance. Danny's mind wasn't on the undressing and dressing of the woman he admired so much. He was so glad to see her in one piece that he pulled her to her feet and wrapped his arms around her bear hug style. CJ was a little caught off guard until she heard him say, "No one was in your office and Sam gave the press conference."

It began to click in her head; she never considered how it all looked to Danny. Her not being at the podium after the gunfire probably caused him to believe she was shot and never made it back to the West Wing. This man, who was clinging to her with all his strength, was worried about her and tracked her down just to make sure she was fine. She allowed a little smile because he couldn't see her face, he really was very cute sometimes. She decided to lighten the mood.

"And what better way to punish me than to take my shirt off." She pointed out and he chuckled.

"Not exactly the circumstances I was hoping for, but I'll take it any way I can." He loosened his grip on her and stared down at the bandage. "You okay?" CJ sighed and took a step back. Answering that question had little to do with her wrist.

"I landed on it. They're going to X-ray it tomorrow." She stepped around him and he followed her into the kitchen. "It swelled up once we got back so Sam- you know." She found the water on the counter and handed it to him. "Open it for me without teasing and you get to stay a while." He took the bottle, twisted the top and handed it back. "Want something?" He shook his head no. The two walked into the living room and plopped on the couch, CJ sipping at her water. Danny turned sideways and propped his elbow on the back pillow and took her good hand in his.

"Talk." She sighed and put the water on the table than looked down at their hands intertwined.

"You looking for an eyewitness account for tomorrow's edition?" Anger rose in Danny but he quickly put it away, she needed him right now, even if she was fighting it.

"No." He moved his hand from the back of the couch to her hair and pushed a few strands away from her cheek. 'Soft, encouraging tones.' He told himself before speaking again, "This isn't the reporter asking the press secretary a question. This is me." He put his hand through more of her hair. "Danny asking CJ, the woman I adore, to tell me about her bad day." The words and his movements soothed her and she began talking.

"The first few, I didn't even know what they were. I was talking to Sam, then the next minute pushed down. Shots, screams, glass breaking, sirens. It was loud and then...just...over. The agent who covered me got the back of his head blown off, Danny."

This was her breaking point. She had tried to forget that part all evening. A bullet was meant for her and by all laws she should be dead right now. The fear rose into her heart and she pushed herself toward him with a look on her face that Danny had never seen. At first the kiss was like the others they had stolen in her office over the past month, soft and innocent. But the events from earlier this evening where still replaying in CJ's mind and she opened her mouth. Danny let her take the lead, not that he wasn't enjoying this. Her mouth was hot and her tongue was swirling wildly. Now he figured out what that look meant, he named it the 'CJ wants me' look and promised himself to recreate that one as much as possible, it was much better than the 'CJ's pissed at me' look. Then from the back of CJ's throat she let a quiet moan escape. That was it for Danny, this beautiful, passionate, intelligent woman moaning in his mouth caused everything inside him to go south. He didn't want her to regret anything tomorrow.

"CJ." He pulled away and took a breath, resting his forehead on hers. Her eyes were questioning, so he answered, "I'm not saying no, I'm saying not right this second." She took a deep breath also. He continued, "A girl is at least supposed to get a fancy dinner first, right?" She didn't smile at his attempt at a joke. Danny knew this display was not about him, it was about her fears.

"You are allowed to be afraid, CJ." He said exactly what she needed to hear. She fell against his shoulder and the tears began to come. She cried because he allowed her the luxury of not having to be the pillar of strength through yet another crisis. She cried for the fear, pain, confusion, and guilt she felt. She cried for her friends she almost lost and the agents and people in the crowd who where gone.

Danny held her and stroked her back but didn't say a word. She meant so much to him. It was a thought he had almost on an hourly basis now and it still shocked him a little. Not only because for him, this relationship was already more committed than he ever was, it was also the realization that he would have been devastated had he lost her tonight. He could feel a hole inside his chest opening up simply at the idea. The word he had used with her was 'crush' but it didn't even come close.

CJ's sobbing slowed to weeping and her memory of where she was and what was happening reentered. Embarrassed now by her childish display, she pulled away from Danny. "Danny," CJ started to explain but when she saw a few tears left on his cheek she only said, "thanks." She lifted a hand to wipe off the remaining tears and gave him a smile before resting back on his shoulder. He put his arms around her again and she laid the injured arm across his middle. The two sat in silence for a long time in CJ's dim apartment, until she got sleepy and Danny left promising to call her tomorrow.

Later, CJ lay in bed and closed her eyes. She realized Danny had given her one more thing tonight. Instead of falling to sleep thinking of guns and blood as she expected she might tonight, she drifted off with a smile on her face and thoughts of his compassion, caring, understanding, and most of all, his kisses.

Tuesday 4:52 AM

"How many Secret Service?" Sam yelled from behind his computer to the office next door. Ginger handed Toby a cup of coffee while he answered.

"5 critical, 3 serious, 1 dead." Sam's fingers moved fast over the keys, they were already behind schedule today.

"Do I mention Mandy?" He yelled again over the ringing phones and general noises of the already busy morning.

"No. Just that one assistant to the President was among, yadda, yadda, yadda, funeral plans are being made." Toby summarized in the lingo only he and Sam understood. The keys came alive again as Sam finished up and hit print. The two dashed down to Leo's office where he and the President stood drinking coffee.

"Sam, Toby!" The President addressed them as if they had been out of the country for months.

"Sir." Toby answered with a little amusement in his gruff voice. Sam handed Leo the draft of the statement he just finished. Leo scanned it and handed it back.

"Any reason 'unfortunate' is spelled with a G in there somewhere?" He asked. Sam shrugged, "No time for spellcheck." Margaret entered the office.

"Donna called. She's picking Josh up in 20 minutes and bringing him in." Leo looked skeptical, he was about to suggest calling and telling him to stay home when Margaret finished. "He wants to help with the arrangements." Leo nodded. "Also, a Mr. Freon is here to see you."

"Send him in." The director of the FBI entered Leo's office and shook the President's hand, then Leo's.

"I have a little information to give this morning. We think there was a third youth in the crowd and we're searching today. These boys don't seem to be the ones sending the death treats to Zoey. We're working on determining the motive." The President nodded his head.

"This is Sam Seaborn, he'll be giving the press conference with you." Leo introduced.

"Sam." The director shook his hand.

"This way, Mr. Freon. We're already late." Sam led him out of the office.

From Leo's office, he, Toby and the President watched Sam and Director Freon step up to the pressroom podium. The room came alive with lights, arms shooting in the air, and voices calling, "Sam." "Mr. Seaborn." "Sam, can you-"

Sam began to read the statement followed by the Director making a few comments. Toby spoke up, "Mr. President, I'd like to revisit gun control." The President didn't move his eyes from the screen. The suggestion didn't really surprise him, it was typical Toby. His subtle way of dealing with crisis in his life was to convert it into more work, a purposeful outlet for his grief. Toby figured the silence was for him to continue. "Something thorough, complete, and damaging."

"Alright, Toby, start the research." The President replied. In the pressroom, Sam was taking questions.

"Is the staff member you referred to CJ?" One guy near the front asked. Sam was taken back. Danny sat in the audience and smiled, the Bartlet administration without CJ around was not nearly as competent. They hadn't even considered that he and his fellow press, many of whom consider CJ a friend, would be worried and wondering why she wasn't the one addressing them as usual. The fact that Sam announced one staff member was dead only added to the room's fear. Sam answered, "No. It appears CJ has a broken arm and will probably be back tomorrow." Several voices asked, "Can you divulge the name of the staffer?"

"Not at this time, we are making sure all the family has been informed." Sam made up on the spot.

"Can you tell us the names of others who are injured?" A voice near the back was louder than the rest.

"The ER was pretty crazy last night and the doctors are still busy, later today we are hoping to compare notes with them and more information will be given this afternoon." Sam finished up and left the room with the Director following him. In Leo's office, Toby excused himself and went to meet with Sam.

"Mr. President, I have to say I don't think it's wise to let Toby do this. It might look a little offensive if we use people's deaths as a springboard for political gain." The President shook his head.

"Toby needs something to do with everything he's got bottled inside." Leo paused a minute.

"Margaret is getting you the number for Mandy's parents but you should wait-" Charlie Young knocked on the door from the Oval office to Leo's.

"Charlie!" The President walked over to him and put a hand on his back. The young man had gauze over his right eyebrow and Band-Aids dotted his forearms and hands. "You know I really don't need you for the next hour Charlie, but my daughter and wife are having breakfast upstairs. Why don't you go join them?" Charlie paused.

"You sure there isn't anything I can do for you, Sir?"

"No. Now get up there." Charlie nearly skipped from the room. Leo chuckled.

"Watch it Leo."

"Sir, I was just appreciating young love."

Donna arrived at the apartment where she left Josh the night before when she had offered to come in and make him something to eat or sit with him. But he had wanted to be alone. This morning, Donna used the spare key he'd given her long ago, still knocking as she swung the door open.

"Josh? Are you up?" She could hear the shower running somewhere in the depths of the apartment so she closed the door behind her and put the coffee she bought on the way on the entry table. The shower shut off and after a minute she heard his voice.

"Donna? Is that you?"

"Yeah. I brought you expensive coffee." He appeared in the doorway wearing dress slacks, an open dress shirt and bare feet.

"How are you feeling?" She asked carefully.

"Better. I spent last night looking through pictures of a trip we took to Barbados. I still can't believe-" He cut himself off and went for the coffee. "Wow, thanks Donna, I love this stuff."

"I know." She answered. "You sure you're up to coming in."

"Yeah. I think it will actually help." He winked at her. "Besides, who will drive you nuts all day if I'm not there?"

"I could only dream..." Donna teased and handed him the tie lying across the back of a chair. Within a few minutes they were in the car with Josh claiming she learned to drive from monkeys. Donna, of course, explained she was preoccupied in driver's ed. because Steve Cooper, captain of the soccer team, sat next to her. Josh rolled his eyes and held on.

The sun was barely up but the West Wing was moving at full speed when they arrived. Josh went to Leo's office and got the go ahead to work on the arrangements. He called Mandy's parents at their hotel and told them he'd meet them for lunch. Toby had Ginger and Kathy pulling files on research they had done a few months ago on gun violence. Sam was talking with the hospital on line 2 and Ron at police headquarters on line 4 and members of the press kept trying to get past the secretaries to his office.

CJ rolled over in her bed and felt the sun on her face. She opened her eyes to read the clock, 10:10 AM. She closed her eyes again for a split second then sat straight up. "Oh, my God I'm late. Leo's gonna kill me." She threw the covers back and saw the bandaged arm. It all flooded back; it wasn't a bad dream. She rubbed her eyes and she thought of Danny, this prompted her to get out of bed and turn on the TV in the living room to FOX news. They were replaying Sam's news conference from earlier. She watched with scrutiny. When Dave from the Globe asked his question about her safety, she smiled.

"Oh Dave, I didn't know you cared." She said to the TV. Peter, who always sits in the last row, asked his question and the camera swung to him. She could see Danny, third row from the back, a little to the right side. She left the TV on and went into the kitchen. The news program had gone to analysis of the situation- had the Secret Service acted fast enough, where was the President and was he completely unharmed, etc. CJ struggled with making coffee as she listened. They boys probably hadn't considered doing a photo session showing the President at his desk working. She picked up the phone and dialed Toby's number.

"Yeah." He said it like it was a swear word.

"Toby, it's me. They're speculating if the President really is fine. Have you guys started putting together a photo session with him?" CJ poured coffee into a cup and took a sip while he grunted a reply.

"Of course." He lied. "Stop hampering me CJ." He hung up and yelled to his secretary, "Ginger call Leo. Tell him to get the President ready to see the press."

CJ moved back into the living room as they reviewed the statement again on the news channel. Sam had told her that Mandy was bad last night so she pretty much assumed that was the person he referred to in the press conference. She picked up her cordless again.

"Sam, it's me, CJ." Sam sighed, now he had CJ on line 6 right next to all of DC on his other phone lines.

"How's the wrist." He tried sounding cheerful.

"Fine, is it Mandy?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm sorry, no one called you?" He leaned back in his chair and pulled his glasses off.

"I saw the press conference. You forgot to tell them how much I miss them." She said dryly.

"Yeah, I'll add that to this afternoon. Listen, CJ, things are crazy so-" He put the glasses down on the desk as Toby entered.

"Is that her again?" He asked Sam. "CJ, GET OFF OUR PHONES!" He made sure she could hear even though the phone was across the room from him.

"Kay." She said softly to Sam and hung up. The confirmation was only to be sure before she called Josh anyway. Josh was going to take this hard and they were good friends, he'd need her support at a time like this. She reasoned away as she dialed again, "Josh, It's me. How're you holding up?"

Toby began rambling to Sam about getting the press photographers gathered at the Oval office and Leo was preparing the President. One of Sam's many lines rang again. He put a finger in the air to cut Toby off and answered. "Sam."

"If it's her," Toby began, "tell her I'm going over there and throwing her phone out the window." The voice on the other end of the line was a man from County Hospital staff that had been keeping Sam updated. "Another Agent passed 25 minutes ago." Sam copied down the information on a pad in front of him. "Thanks." His face held the tension of the past 18 hours.

Sam had tried to sleep when he got home last night but found messages from his mother and older brother on his answering machine pleading with him to call as soon as he could. After placing the calls of reassurance, he sat in his dark apartment remembering the night's events over and over in his mind. Sleep did not come. He guessed the agent who had just died also had a mother and a brother. They where probably being informed of his death right now by a doctor at County. He closed his eyes; he was so tired. Toby let Sam have a minute to his thoughts, it was obvious what the phone call was about.

"Sam." Toby tried softly. He stepped to the side of Sam's desk and put his hand on the younger man's shoulder. Sam began shaking his head back and forth, back and forth, trying to clear it of thoughts too difficult to handle so soon.

"They're trained for this. They know the risks."

"A couple of kids, Toby. It was 17-year-old kids who probably got suspended from school or something. They probably don't even get it." Sam swallowed a lump in his throat.

"They know enough." Toby pointed to the sheet of Sam's scribbling. "Show Leo, suggest we begin giving out names." Sam got up with his notes in hand and Toby added after him, "and tell him to let CJ come back tomorrow or we'll never get anything done."

Josh let Donna drive him to the lunch meeting. He told her he might be a little shaken after and in no mood to drive again. But the real reason was her support was doing a lot of good. He didn't want Donna too far from him for the next few days. She'd have some snappy comeback if he actually admitted that.

He had met Mandy's parents 4 or 5 times while they were dating. They were from upstate New York where her father was a dentist and her mother a 4th grade teacher. Donna followed Josh into an upscale Bistro filled with a chatty lunch crowd. Josh scanned the patrons and saw his guests at a back table. He took Donna by the hand and approached them. "Dr. and Mrs. Hampton." They rose and Mrs. Hampton hugged Josh.

"I'm so sorry." He said to them, to him it sounded lame and insignificant. He shook Dr. Hampton's hand, introduced Donna as a friend, and they all took their seats. The waiter took their drink orders and Josh listened to the grieving parents recall Mandy's smile, happy times, and her pride in her work. Josh took that cue to begin.

"The President and his staff want to help with the arrangements and have a memorial at the White House tomorrow night. Of course, if that's alright with you." They both nodded. Dr. Hampton took his wife's hand.

"Mandy would have appreciated that you all care that much." He paused, "The burial will be at home, next to her grandparents. Please tell everyone they are welcome to attend." He pushed a paper toward Josh with details and directions on it.

"I'll let them know." They ate, Josh didn't taste his food, then he and Donna left.

"Any reason I was introduced as a friend?" Donna inquired as she speed through a yellow light turning red.

"You are a friend." Josh offered from the passenger side.

"Okay."

"Plus, if I said you where my assistant than it becomes a business lunch, less personal." Donna changed the subject.

"I can type up a memo with the details of the funeral and pass it around."

"Thanks, Donna." Josh leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Work wasn't as therapeutic as he had hoped.

Carol dropped CJ off after her 2 PM doctors appointment. Two flower arrangements had been delivered and waiting outside her door. The phone was ringing as she struggled with the lock and she dashed inside to pick it up.

"Yeah."

"It's Leo. Where were you?"

"Doctors." CJ put down her purse and keys. "X-ray shows it's a fractured wrist. Their waiting for more of the swelling to go down so I get my cast tomorrow morning at 8."

"After the cast is on, can you make it in?" Leo asked.

"Yeah, probably by 10. I can do a noon press conference."

"Alright, oh, and CJ, stop calling here. Toby and Sam's complaints are driving me crazy." She hung up and opened the first bouquet of orchids. The card was signed by 10 or so members of the White House press corps with get well wishes. The second bouquet was white daisies and yellow roses, both where her favorites. The card read, "Couldn't let them out do us. -Me & Gail." CJ put them both on her coffee table while wondering how Danny could find out what her favorite flowers where. The phone rang again and she assumed Leo was being typical, remembering something he's forgotten to say and calling back.

"Yeah Leo, what is it?" She answered.

"I was calling to persuade you to stop foolishly fighting off Danny's advances." Danny tried imitating the Irishman's raspy voice. He converted back to his normal voice. "How'd the appointment go?"

"It's definitely fractured, I get my cast in the morning. Hey, tell Gail thanks for the flowers."

"I was feeding her this morning, we got to talkin', it was really her idea." Danny replied. CJ laughed. He loved to hear that sound. Sometimes he would come up with jokes before seeing her just to hear it.

"Anyway, I was thinkin' with the wrist and all, if I could bring some Chinese over tonight."

"The people or the food?"

"Food." Danny had a 'dah' quality to his voice. "So you wouldn't attempt to fix dinner one handed."

"Sure, whenever you're done there come on over." They finished the conversation and Danny hung up the phone. He did a little Tiger Woods "Yes" quietly to himself. Immature, sure, but he felt like he was back in high school these days, butterflies and everything.

Late in the afternoon, Josh sat in his office chair with his forehead planted on his desk. Donna tapped at the door. Josh didn't move but his hidden voice answered, "Come in and close the door." Donna pulled a chair next to Josh's desk and sat facing his slumped over form. "If I had died-"

"Josh, don't." She cut him off. That was exactly the 'what if' question she'd been trying not to think about since the shooting happened.

"I just...Donna, I didn't get to say goodbye." He whispered. She watched the screensaver on his computer move from one shape and flow into the next. There was one thing she'd been wondering about, "Do you still love her?" Her voice caught on the last word. Josh picked up a paperclip and played with it between his fingers.

"Not like your asking." He finally answered. How could he begin to explain his feelings for all the women in the West Wing, Mandy, CJ, Mrs. Laningham, even Zoey. He remembered a conversation with the President and Leo about it, they felt the same. Responsible. He felt if anything happened to them, he wasn't doing enough to protect them. As a big brother might.

"I had a sister who died when I was little. I feel now like I did then." Josh twisted the ends of the paperclip and the metal moved into new shapes like the screensaver behind him. It was becoming unrecognizable as a clip at all.

It finally made sense to Donna. He wasn't mourning for a lost love as she had suspected. He was feeling like he'd failed Mandy. It was a silly idea but typical Josh; Donna learned long ago how strongly he felt for his best friend CJ and the secretaries here. But Donna wondered if she was included in this group alongside CJ and Mandy or was she different? At times she and Josh had sweet moments when she swore there was something in his eyes when he looked at her, but then he was good at hiding it.

Josh had now mutilated the paperclip and the nervous behavior was scaring Donna, "Josh", she put her hand on his to still them. Time for some honesty, Donna thought, maybe it will bring him back to himself. "If you had died, I'd feel worse than if my brother were gone. I'd feel much worse." His eyes became windows for her, the pain and guilt was sharp. Josh put his head on her shoulder and let her hold him, soothing his back with her hands. Through tears, he told her about the shooting and the bodies. He told her how he found out about Mandy only once it was too late and he told Donna how much he needed her. Those words flooded Donna's heart and she held on to him tighter.

Amid his bitter tears and sad words, the strength of Donna's arms was a beacon. One clear thought resonated in his mind, "This feels right."

Danny hummed as he parked his black Jetta outside CJ's apartment. He looked up at her living room on the third floor, the lights were on and the windows were open a few inches at the bottom. This was perfect, exactly what he daydreamed of when he was working late on a boring story. His mind did not create images of he and CJ in the bedroom together, well, sometimes. Mostly he pictured cooking breakfast together, falling asleep with her on the couch watching late night TV, and moments like this one, arriving at her door with carry-out after a difficult day at work.

He took the bag of food and the bottle of wine from the passenger's seat and walked upstairs. He didn't want just a few nights of passion that in a month, they would move on from. He wanted more and the 'more' part was what CJ had been pushing against. Danny knocked on her door. He would just have to sit CJ down and talk about this soon, let her know that when it gets difficult he's not going to just give up.

There was no answer after a second knock, so he tried the knob. It turned and he entered the apartment. Twice now she'd left her door unlocked and it concerned him that she lived alone without even a lock between her and an intruder.

"CJ, you should keep you door locked so schmucks like me can't just-" CJ was asleep on the couch, her breathing even and relaxed. He closed the door and went to the lock, realizing the explanation. It was a tricky one that required two healthy hands, one to lift and turn the knob while the other throws the lock into place. A stubborn woman, he thought, too proud to admit she couldn't lock her own door because of her injury. Now he had a dilemma, was she hungry and he should wake her, or does she just want to sleep? He put the bag of food and the wine on the coffee table, which was when he noticed a bottle of pills. The label indicated anti-inflammatory pills had been prescribed to her today and had a bright pink sicker that warned: 'will cause severe drowsiness.'

"No kidding." Danny said out loud. His daydream in the car was fading as he realized CJ must have taken them and was probably out for the night. He shifted his weight back and forth on his feet. What to do now?

Three hours later, Danny had changed into sweats he carried in his gym bag and was seated at the end of CJ's dinning room table. The end where he could face CJ's sleeping form. Empty cartons were next to the laptop he was hammering away at and he paused to look up from the screen at her. She tried turning onto her back in her sleep but the couch was too narrow. Danny decided she looked uncomfortable and crossed the room to sit on the coffee table in front of her.

"CJ, maybe you want to sleep in your room?"

"Umpf muph gurf." Was her groggy reply.

"Wake up a little and I'll help you get into bed." Boy was that statement one he'd wanted to say for a long time. Not exactly under these conditions, but still...

He got an arm underneath her to help her sit up and then to her feet. Her eyes still closed, she slumped against him as they walked into the bedroom. The covers were pulled back and he helped her get settled. On impulse, Danny leaned forward and kissed her forehead. She sighed softly and in a distant voice whispered, "Sleep here." He paused, his lips still an inch from her forehead. She found his hand next to her on the sheet and did a half-strength tug on it.

"Are you sure it's not the drugs talking?" Danny teased her but he wanted to make sure she wasn't so gone that it was nonsense talk.

"Stay Danny." She breathed out with another sigh. 'Like I could say no to her.' He slipped his legs under the sheet and lay his head on the pillow next to hers. CJ's breathing was full and he knew she was asleep. Danny held her hand between them and stayed awake for several hours thinking of things he'd either never considered before or at least not in a very long time.

Wednesday 6:03 AM

CJ's nose was smooshed into someone's chest. 'Now this hasn't happened in a really long time,' was CJ's first thought of the morning. That someone had their arms lose around her and emitting soft snores. She look a deep inhale and the warm, comfortable scent she knew well filled her and made her heart do a little dance. This was nice indeed, waking up to him, but-

CJ moved out of Danny's arms and sat up on her side of the bed. She tried to clear the gray gloom in her brain, she couldn't remember last night. Danny was supposed to come over, he obviously did...and he stayed...with her...in her bed. Her stomach was doing excited gymnastics at the thought. She was clothed and so was he, she figured as she stepped into the bathroom to wash her face. "If we had sex, I know I would remember it." She whispered to herself in the mirror. "Right?" Part of her wished they had, then the big decision she couldn't seem to get past these days would be past.

She pulled her hair into a ponytail and went out to the kitchen to make coffee. It was much easier this morning now that the swelling had gone down- "Oh God." CJ now remembered the broken arm, she remembered taking the pills yesterday afternoon, and now she remembered falling asleep in front of the TV. She walked out into the living room and saw the bottle of pills and a bottle of unopened wine on the coffee table. Past that, the dinning room table was a mess. Danny's laptop, papers, Chinese food containers, and a water glass all were scattered on top. A picture of what must have happened last night formed in CJ's head and her cloudy mind now recalled her whispered plea last night in her bedroom. CJ's face went scarlet.

"Morning." She knew it was Danny's voice but it had a sleepy quality to it that curled her toes. "Um." CJ turned to him but couldn't form an intelligent word, the first time in years. His tee shirt was wrinkled, his hair tossed about, she swallowed. She was caught between a heart that wanted to drag him back to her bed and a head that knew she had to face him in the office today as a professional. In all of CJ's life, her head won out in these battles. "Coffee?" She choked out.

CJ banged her head on the door a few times. All through the morning Danny kept looking at her like she had her clothes on backwards and he wasn't sure if he should tell her. He took her to the doctor's appointment and sat at her side. He never even said a word about her silent tears while they twisted her arm into place and put the cast on. Then he drove her to the West Wing and headed to the press corps area without saying goodbye. They had fought many times in the past and it never bothered her, this was worse, there was disappointment in Danny's eyes. She had not handled this morning well. One night she jumps on him and 24 hours later practically shoves him out the door without an explanation. Only to reconsider when he reminds her that she needed a ride to the doctor and into work. "Damn his logic." She said to the door.

"CJ, you have staff," Carol yelled from the other side. CJ took a deep breath and let it come out as a 'phew' between her lips. She opened her door. Since her head moved away slower than her hand pulled it open, she smacked herself in the forehead.

"Figures." She mumbled while traveling the halls to Leo's office and rubbing the spot between her eyes.

Abigail Bartlet knocked on the door of Leo McGarry's office and pushed it open a few more inches. Sam was arguing with Leo next to his desk apparently about some papers in front of them. Josh sat quietly in a chair, his eyes and thoughts somewhere miles out the window. CJ was cradling her arm and questioning Toby about the status of secret service agents for her briefing in an hour. The doctor in Abby recognized the swollen fingers and masked look of pain on her face. Toby's eyes were gray when they met the First Lady's. Interrupting a staff meeting was not what she had in mind but now all the inhabitants of the room hushed and looked to Abby. Except for Josh.

"Leo, I'm sorry I didn't know." She indicated the group in the room and he nodded. "The President is sleeping in. I convinced him he needed to be fresh for tonight. I hope you don't mind."

"No, no. Of course, Abby." It appeared the conversation was over and she could now return to her duties elsewhere.

"Can I add one more thing?" She asked and Leo nodded. She sighed as she looked around the room.

"People lost their lives Monday night, some that are dear to us and others that are among the countless agents that protect my Husband and all of you. I know you are feeling sadness, feeling guilty and fearful. But the people of this country count on you daily to make decisions that could change the course of their lives and give them hope. If you do good things for people, those lives lost to protect yours weren't in vain." The First Lady met Josh's eyes. "Count the blessings you do have, those who are still here to love you."

When CJ returned to her office, Carol handed her several phone messages from other 'get well' wishers. "Danny's waiting." She said. CJ closed the office door behind her and plopped the stack of messages on her desk. Danny sat on the couch in the office with his hands folded in his lap.

"I'm sorry." Danny raised his eyes to meet hers. "But do you have any idea," the anger came out in his voice as it raised loud enough to shake her but not loud enough for Carol to hear, "what kind of hell I went through that night too? I didn't know what happened to you and Sam stood at that podium and I couldn't ask. I couldn't find out, CJ, because I'm a reporter looking for a story, I'm not anything to you." His voice became soft and round. "I just...my heart, CJ, I've never felt like that. I shouldn't have stayed last night but I needed too. And I think you needed me too." He focused on the wall behind her and whispered, "You're not the only previously independent one who's not sure how to handle needing someone else." He met her eyes, "I am sorry."

"Don't." She quieted his speech by dropping onto the couch next to him. "I'm the one who should be apologizing. I was stupid and childish this morning, but only because I was thrown not because I didn't like that you were there." She tipped her head sideways, "need you there," CJ corrected and Danny's eyes brightened.

She ran her finger down the side of his cheek and focused her eyes on his lips. "God," thought Danny, "one look and she turns me to pudding. If just a look can do that imagine-" But he didn't because CJ swooped in and kissed him hard on the lips, it softened and lasted a full minute. CJ pulled back and looked directly into his eyes. She'd made up her mind after Abby's little speech and she wanted Danny to understand the seriousness of what she was about to say.

"I want us to go out on a date Friday."

Danny smiled at her, "Sure."

"Danny," CJ took a deep breath, "to a nice, fancy restaurant, a girl deserves that first, right?" The meaning took a few seconds to dawn on Danny. When it did, his bright smile turned to a mischievous one.

"Buy some eggs." He said. Now CJ was the confused one and a little scared that this was some sort of kinky thing he was into. "So I can make you breakfast." He said around a chuckle. She leaned into him, wrapped her good arm around his neck, and they kissed full of promise that in another few days, more would follow.

It had been a gray, cloudy day and the evening was dropping darkness upon the windows of the East Room of the White House. It was stocked with flower arrangements holding cars from colleagues of both parties in Washington. A small podium stood in front of rows of chairs, among them early guests were mingling in groups of two or three. Carol showed in the press, they were allowed to sit at the back but no cameras, microphones, or visible note taking allowed. "Use your memorization skills." CJ had suggested to them at her earlier briefing. No arguments came from the members of the press, partly because of their respect for the memorial, and partly because they were glad to have CJ back.

Leo and the President stood along the back wall waiting for Mandy's parents to arrive. As Danny passed them, the President snagged his elbow.

"Yes, Sir?" Danny sounded like a kid talking to the playground bullies. After all the press corps passed by, the President spoke quietly.

"I believe you are the most capable person I know to maintain dignity and professionalism under all circumstances."

"Thank you for the compliment, Sir." Danny sounded confused.

"But just because she's my Press Secretary, doesn't mean in my heart I don't regard her as one of my daughters." The President paused to let Danny digest his words and to let his nervousness build up. "I don't see a problem so long as you treat her like the princess she is." Danny's wide eyes jumped between Leo and the President. "You may sit down now."

"Yes, Sir." He squeaked and scrambled to his seat next to his fellow reporters.

Leo tried hiding his laugh and said to the President, "How did you know? Spies?"

"No, my spies are all on Charlie. My wife kept telling me she felt 'vibes,' whatever that is." The President turned to face Leo. "CJ and Danny will handle it appropriately, Leo, don't let anyone on my staff or in Washington think otherwise."

"Of course, Sir."

Sam, CJ, and Josh entered the now busy East Room together and sat in the second row with Josh on the end. Josh sighed and stared down at a piece of paper in his hand. CJ patted his arm and Sam leaned around her. "It's good, Josh. You want my job?" The President and Leo walked with the Hampton family and sat in the row in front of Josh. He took three deep breaths and stepped up to the podium. The room was silent but he felt a warm openness in his heart, she was nearby and it would be OK. He began speaking to the silent audience.

"I have been questioning many things these past few days. One is among all the 'what ifs' I've been asking myself. What if we knew the end of the journey before it began?"

CJ cradled her arm and thought of the decision she'd finally made today. After months of turmoil both personal and professional, she finally felt at peace and hopeful of her future, one with Danny in it. Josh went on.

"I've been re-evaluating choices I've made in my life and considering other paths I did not take. If I knew the outcome of these choices beforehand, would it make them harder or easier to make? Would I choose the same job, or choose to love the same people? Would I choose to tell someone how much they meant to me before I never could again?"

Donna sat near the back listening to Josh, tears forming in her eyes. She'd almost lost him before she had a chance to tell him how much he meant to her. She would not make that mistake again, after the memorial she was going to sit down and tell him everything in her heart. No matter what he felt about her, at least he would know. Josh took a deep breath and continued to speak.

"I believe there are two types of people in this world. There are those who would look at the end result of choices in life and pick the easiest, simplest, most comfortable path for themselves."

Sam couldn't help but recall the list of names he'd read on camera, in talk shows and press conferences the past two days. Every one of those who'd lost their lives, at least he would always remember them and be grateful for what they gave.

"The other type of person would pick the most beneficial to their family and friends, to their most passionate causes and for the good of other people. They would choose this path even at incredible cost to their own happiness or the shortness of their life. It takes courage, honor, and a loving heart to be this kind of person. I believe from the bottom of my soul this is the category Mandy was in."

The President squeezed his wife's hand. He wished there were words to tell her, his staff, even the country, how much they meant to him. He was overwhelmed with love and didn't try fighting the tears that rolled down his cheeks.

"Even with the knowledge that this was her fate, she still would have chosen to fight for the rights and safety of all Americans by working with congress and The President. She was and will continue to be one of my heroes."

Danny thought of CJ. She would be OK, she would keep working and doing good for others and he was going to make sure that a few good things were done for her sake now and then. She was his hero and he was going to make sure he told her that every day for the rest of his life.

"I think the other obstacle for me the past few days is common for many of us when we loose someone we care about. We try to find sense in the loss. It is, of course, difficult when I'm in pain and am more willing to be angry and sad than hopeful. But, I believe she is in a wonderful place and that my sister is with her and taking good care of her. I imagine in this place, Mandy is already trying to convince God she can put a good angle on the Adam and Eve story."

A few chuckles were heard in the audience. Leo smiled and patted Toby on the back next to him.

"You know, I looked around the West Wing earlier and I was surprised to still feel her there when I expected it to feel like something was missing. I saw Mandy's fellow co-workers, who are usually absorbed in work and oblivious to one another, exactly the opposite. I saw people sharing hugs, words of comfort, and promises of friendship and support. Mandy gave us the gift of one another. We all will care deeper for one another and not take any moments we have together for granted. We will be a better staff, better human beings because of our angel over the West Wing."

**********
"spend all your time waiting for that second chance, for a break that would make it okay, there's always one reason to feel not good enough and it's hard at the end of the day, I need some distraction, oh beautiful release, memory seeps from my veins, let me be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find some peace tonight, in the arms of an angel, fly away from here...you're in the arms of the angel, may you find some comfort there.
-from "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan
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Thanks for reading. Comments welcome.