Chapter Text
“
She was sixteen with stars on her cheeks,
Oh every time she smiled they winked at me,
If I could find it out, to be with you somehow,
I know sunshine would be finding me.
“
1.
It rains non stop in Jackson County during the fall. From dusk till dawn, cold droplets of water pour onto the people of the settlement surrounding the hydroelectric dam like an intolerable shower for a child. Seeping into the dirt and sand, water fusing with soil, creating mudslides and little streams all throughout the small village. Soaking into clothing, turning blue jeans brown and boots a dark, pasty black.
Rain used to be her favorite, when it would rain in Boston, it would be light and chilling. Uncomfortable but freeing in the way it would mist her cheeks and drip down her hair onto her shoulders and seep only into the neckline of her tank top.
Rain in Wyoming though is sticky, and uncomfortable in the way sweat makes your shirt stick to the small of your back. Rain is endless here, for a couple months at least, and Ellie can’t wait for the day she can hang her clothes outside again and feel the sun rays warm her face and when she doesn’t have to peel her clothing from her skin each night before bed.
Ellie loves the fall, with its red and orange leaves, silently closing buds, and the smell of soil in the air.
But she hates the unrelenting force of the sky.
And after three years of this weather, she’s gotten used to marking down the days until she sees the sun again.
~
There’s a system in the settlement powered by the dam, a set schedule for each resident and a timetable to be aware of.
There are those who find use of their talents in the med bay, delicate fingers finding ease in the mending of others. From stitches to those clumsy and prescriptions for the common child with a stomach ache.
Those who find labor more encouraging, helping keep the fence around the border in working order and who help with repairs around the land. This includes, but not restricted to, plumbing issues, broken furniture, and the never-ending array of electrical issues.
There’s gardening and cooking and animal keeping, sewing and cleaning and security.
There’s a job for everyone, a place for everyone, as Tommy would say.
Ellie’s place, on the other hand, wasn’t as easy.
Ellie didn’t enjoy being cooped up in a small village, behind towering walls and men with guns. She did not like the feeling of being surveyed when she was younger, and she sure as hell didn’t like it now. So the place she found herself in, was patrolling.
Or at least, it’s the place she would like to find herself in if they let residents under eighteen actually go on patrols. But until then, she was stuck at fence duty. Surveying the land from watchtowers positioned along the fence. Keeping an eye out for bandits or wildlife that were always an issue in maintaining their peaceful and delicate order.
Ellie stood most evenings, at the northeast watch post, overlooking the land from which the river came. With a rifle strapped to her back, and an old leather jacket keeping her warm. A jacket Joel had given to her when she had grown enough to fit its sleeves. It was lined with a soft flannel material, and while weathered, the jacket still kept most of the rain from soaking her clothing beneath it. For as progressive as the village seemed, they still hadn’t figured out how to put roofs on the damn watchtowers.
She and Joel had been living in the quaint town with Tommy and his wife and their newborn son for the better of three years. After the endeavor with the fireflies, they were shacked up in a small house on the outside of town square.
It wasn’t huge, just a house with two rooms, a kitchen, living area, and bathroom.
But it was more than Ellie had ever owned before.
And as much as she loathed the town, Ellie couldn’t help but smile every time she would come home to a warm house, smelling of a hot meal on the stove, and alluded in an atmosphere of soft music.
~
The settlement didn’t have a name, or at least, nobody had really thought one up. It was usually referred to as Tommy’s Place, or more commonly, The Dam.
The Dam had a total of 114 residents, ranging from eight-months-old to seventy-two. And funnily enough, only three teenagers.
There was Ellie, who was only a month away from eighteen. Cory, fourteen. And Jesse, nineteen.
To say she was lonely, was an understatement. But Ellie didn’t see it that way. She was used to the solitude, the quiet of one's own mind. It had been just recently that she built a strong enough relationship with Joel. And with it being years since she had had a true friendship, even a rocky one at that, Ellie didn’t feel lonely.
Most times.
She didn’t feel lonely as she made breakfast with Joel in the morning.
She didn’t feel lonely when she would help Ms. Margaret with the cows and goats each morning.
She didn’t feel lonely when she arrived at her shift, wherever that would be each day.
At those times, she felt accomplished. Fulfilled with the idea that she was being useful to the small community built around her.
But when she went through the line midday at the town’s food station and smiled as Gloria would hand Ellie her lunch. When she would sit at the base of the willow tree that neighbored the horse corral. Between the roots that rose from the dirt and curled together before disappearing again, and under the shade of branches so thick they were dark. Eating her lunch and watching little Tommy and Oliver kick a slightly deflated soccer ball in the one grassy area of town.
When she would eat alone, more often than not, and when she would walk alone, more often than not, and when she would go home alone .
Did she feel the twinge of longing for someone she could talk to.
Who she could laugh with.
Who she could smile at because of an inside joke.
Ellie wasn’t lonely.
Most of the time.
~
The girl arrived late one evening when the ground was so soft you sank in it and the sun had set only behind the trees so everything was just glowing.
She emerged from the tree line, about ten yards from the fence and two hours into Ellie’s shift at the eastern post above the side gate. Her head was covered by the hood of her torn and soaked hoodie, and she didn’t carry a single thing besides a backpack and a hunter's knife tucked into her belt loop.
Ellie hadn’t even been sure it was a girl until she got close enough to the fence that Ellie could see her eyes, and her weathered expression, and her shape.
The girl didn’t move, only stared, until Ellie raised the talkie she stowed at her feet and made the call.
She was switched to a different position the rest of that night.
Later on, she would learn that the girl’s name was Dina.
She was seventeen.
And she was alone.
~
For the next two weeks after the girl, after Dina , arrived, she was put into the shelter by the main gate. It was a small building, with nothing in it but a few cots and shelves for supplies. The settlers only ever used it to hold newcomers until they were assigned a job, and later a residence if they proved themselves trustworthy.
(Sometimes the place was used for reappointed families whose house was lost in a bandit causality but that was rare.)
Ellie would see her around after that, occasionally. The first few days Dina kept to herself, always tucked away. But as the weeks progressed Ellie saw her smiling more and getting along with just about everyone.
Ellie tried to stay out of the girl’s way, she really did. When she would see Dina walking through town or working at the med bay, which is where they found a use for her after word spread that she had some practice in first aid. Ellie never approached her. Never spoke to her.
But Ellie noticed her.
She noticed the way she kept her long dark hair kept up behind her head (and the shorter pieces that always curled around her ears). She noticed the way Dina smiled crookedly when speaking to any of the older gentlemen. And the way she smiled warmly at most of the older women.
It wasn’t her fault for noticing. Dina was just, there . And everywhere .
It didn’t seem to matter where Ellie was, she would always notice the girl close by. She didn’t know if it was because ever since the night that she let the girl through the gate and watched her be taken to Tommy’s office that her brain had a keen sense to notice her. Or if it was something else, something deeper that she didn’t want to think about.
Maybe it was just because Ellie thought Dina was pretty, but that’s because she was. Ellie isn’t blind, the girl was gorgeous, especially after she showered and cleared away the dirt and oil accumulated over who knows how long.
Anyhow, Dina seemed to be a new constant in Ellie’s daily routine. And she didn’t know if she liked that.
~
“She’s being placed in unit 3, building 6. Jesse said you’ve been getting antsy just standing at the fence so I figure you can have a break tonight. Get her settled in and you can have the rest of your night to yourself.”
Tommy moved around his office, he was gathering different folders as he spoke to her about the schedule change. His face was a tad older than when she had first met him. It wasn’t age of course, for it had only been a few years, Ellie knew it was from the stress of running an entire settlement that had done it to him.
At times she felt bad for him, for the load he had to deal with every day. But she also knew that no one else could run this place as smoothly as he could. So she just made sure to smile at him every time she saw him, hoping in some sorts that he would understand just how grateful she and everyone else was for his work.
“I have not been antsy , the fence just gets kind of boring sometimes. Why are you making me do it? There are other people here who are way better at this sort of thing.” Her arms were crossed as she lent in his doorway. She was still upset that when she’d arrived at her post that evening she’d found an irritated Teresa sitting in a chair, directing her back to Tommy’s office.
“This sort of thing?” Tommy smiled teasingly. He’d paused in his shuffling to glance at her.
“Yes, the people thing.” Ellie ground it out irritably. “Why not have Cory do it? He doesn’t even have a job yet.”
“Cory’s fourteen and doesn’t know his hand from his ass on how to get around this place.”
“Yeah, well it’s just-“
“Listen, kiddo,” Ellie sighed and lent back against the doorway. She hates that the nickname seemed to have been appropriated from Joel. “There aren’t a lot of kids your age in this place. I just want her to feel more welcome. And I know , people might not be your thing , but I figured having another girl and someone close to her age would just help her... adjust. Y’know?”
Tommy sighed, setting down the stack of papers he’d accumulated as he leaned against his desk with both hands. “Could you just do it for me ? It’s just a simple walk to the house, you don’t have to do anything other than that.”
The gaze he fixed her with was pleading, and her exterior wasn’t as strong as she pretended it was.
She was just a glutton for punishment.
“Fine, but only ‘cause you said I get the rest of the night off.” Ellie feigned annoyance but Tommy just smiled.
“That’s it, sport. Now off with you, I have to help Barry with this intake problem and I’m sure your girl is getting tired of staying in an empty building with nothin’ to do.”
Ellie scurried away after that, his words settling with an odd feeling in her gut.
She found Dina a little while later as she approached the newcomer’s building. The place was dark and shambling, but the sun was still up, if just barely, so it made the whole place kind of warm with an orange aura. Dina was outside the building, sitting on the steps with a book in her lap and Ellie couldn’t help but stare for the few steps she took to get to her.
Dina’s hair was up as usual, and the small, dark curls stuck to her skin from the sweat of a day's work. She had gotten new clothing since she’d arrived, gathering either hand-me-downs from the locals or whatever she could scrounge in the supply building. It was mostly sweaters and jeans, but they all fit her so damn well that Ellie couldn’t help it but notice. She currently had on jeans and a normal, dark green T-shirt; the sleeves fraying at the elbows.
Dina must have heard her boots sloshing in the mud as Ellie approached because the girl’s head lifted and their eyes met for the first time since the night Dina had appeared from the trees.
Her eyes were a dark gray, almost brown, a color usually deemed barren and ghostly but to Ellie, it was like the murky water from a lake that had just been rained in. Like the fog that laid in the treetops on early mornings.
“Hey you're the girl that was on the fence, right? The one who called in the cavalry and had my ass drug off for interrogation.”
It was a joke, and Dina smiled through a teasing smirk.
When Ellie finally stood about a foot from the girl did she smile softly, a little forced as she tried not to seem too irritated at the girl’s presence. It wasn’t Dina exactly, but at the situation surrounding her and the task at hand. “That’d be me.”
Seeming to realize that would be the only answer she’d get, Dina smiled wider and extended a hand from the book she had put down at her side. Her body turning from the splayed-out position so that she could rest her feet on the next step down.
“I’m Dina.”
“So I’ve heard.” Ellie took a moment before reaching down to grab her hand. It was soft, and she didn’t like that that was what crossed her mind first.
Dina’s eyes traced the tattoo spiraling along her forearm and Ellie watched her mouth open a bit in a quiet awe. “That’s beautiful.”
“Thanks.” Ellie withdrew her hand before stuffing it into her jacket’s pocket. When Dina’s gaze finally turned back to her, she had a quizzical expression to it. And Ellie couldn’t help but feel like a nervous fish out of water.
She didn’t do the people thing.
“I’m Ellie. By the way, from earlier, the, yeah.”
She really didn’t do the people thing.
But Dina just smiled again, not as playfully this time but in a mild way that set the queasy feeling in Ellie’s stomach to rest.
“So I’ve heard.”
More teasing.
Dina didn’t say anything after that and Ellie shifted in her step before nodding, finally looking away from the girl below her that wouldn’t stop smirking and around at the barren roads behind them. It was dinner time, not many were out and about.
“Tommy’s said you have a place in unit three, wants me to take you to it.”
“A place?” Dina raised an eyebrow as she got up from her seat and dusted off her jeans. Standing on the step gave her about an inch or two above Ellie.
“Yeah, a house, dingus.”
“Oh, I’m not supposed, to stay in this shabby building forever?” Dina threw a thumb behind her at the door which hung sideways in its frame. “And name calling already, to think I was just starting to like you, Stretch.”
Ellie rolled her eyes, turning so that her body pointed more towards the road. “It’s down this way, do you need help moving anything?”
“Seeing as all I got is a backpack,” Dina paused in the doorway leading back into the building, her one hand hanging onto the door for balance as she leaned back on a single foot, “I think I’ll manage.” She winked and disappeared into the confines.
Ellie sighed, fully turning to the street now, counting each of the lit windows as the sun now began to set. They were like small, glowing dots against a dark canvas. Little beacons of hope down a slowly dimming path. She liked this time of day and the quiet that followed it. Knowing that even if most of the world had gone to shit, at least everyone here wasn’t cold, and were not alone.
The journey to unit three was mostly uneventful if you didn’t count the never-ending questions coming from Dina. Who seemed thoroughly eager to get to know her new companion. She learned about Joel and about what Ellie did. She now understood why Ellie was up there that night she first arrived. By the time they arrived in the correct unit, Dina was pretty knowledgeable about the small routine Ellie called a life.
“Here it is, sixth house down in unit three.” Ellie came to a stop outside a single-story house, painted a heavy green, a lot like the shirt Dina currently wore.
Fitting.
It didn’t have much of a porch, and from what they could see it had a decent sized grass yard behind it. Everything else about it seemed desolate though, a bit empty, as it was.
Dina had hold of each of the straps keeping the pack on her shoulders. And she took a moment considering the place before nodding. “Seems decent, shall we head in?”
“We?” Ellie was already tired of this evening, and turning to look at Dina who smiled back in return, was only a tad discouraging.
“Well yeah. If it hadn’t been apparent, I don’t have many people keeping me company. And you don’t seem half bad.” Dina shrugged and looked over at the taller girl next to her.
“Thanks.” Ellie gave her a deadpan expression.
“It was a compliment.” Dina laughed and shoved her shoulder. The action was unexpected and nearly tripped the poor girl.
“Sure seemed so,” Ellie grumbled as she regained her balance and stared at her boots, her hands hadn’t left her pockets. The more she thought about it though, the offer wasn’t terrible. And Dina wasn’t the worst person to hang out with it seemed.
In the last fifteen minutes, Ellie had spoken more than she had probably all year. And it was nice.
Dina was looking at her so encouragingly that Ellie sighed heavily and raised her shoulders. “But hell, why not. Tommy gave me the rest’ the night off and there ain’t much else to do in this shithole.”
Dina jumped at the answer and shoved Ellie gently from behind, “then lead on, Casanova.”
The house was quaint. Meaning it was small, and a little cold from the lack of use, but it had furniture and a bed a decent sized kitchen. So really, what more could one ask for in a post-apocalyptic world.
Dina was quiet as they explored the house, which was a stark contrast to how the rest of the evening had been.
Ellie almost missed the chatter.
Almost.
Dina took her time exploring each area. Running her hand along the back of a worn sofa, noticeably used but in the way you knew it was broken-in more than broken. Dina touched everything she could, like it was a foreign object she had just discovered for the first time. Her fingertips ghosted along the marble countertops and traced patterns on the matte walls as they walked down the hall. She turned on every light and tested every faucet and Ellie thought she saw the girl’s jaw clench when she realized the house had a running shower.
She took her time through the place as Ellie realized Dina had never seen quite a thing like it.
The same feeling Ellie had when she’d arrived.
Of course, they’d all seen houses on the road, but it’s different when you’re in a community. When there are fifteen-foot walls surrounding the place, it has a different air to it. It’s not just a resting place. It’s an actual house . It’s safe and livable and yours .
It’s different from out there because in here the building becomes more than a house, it becomes a home .
Only when they had finally seen every square inch of the place did Dina finally set down her bag in the single bedroom. On the bed that was made with the only set of sheets the house probably owned. Ellie stood in the doorway with her arms crossed, watching the movement.
She hadn’t said a word the entire time they had been in the house. But she didn’t feel it her place. This was Dina’s time to really comprehend what this settlement meant for her.
It was an experience Ellie went through but never watched.
It was magical almost — even though that sounds cheesy, it was. Watching Dina’s eyes soften to unshed tears and watching her tremble at each new discovery was... thrilling, to say the least. Ellie watched as the girl’s walls broke for fractions of seconds, her vulnerability peaking out at the realization of a newly grasped comfort.
It felt almost intrusive.
For Ellie didn’t even know Dina but yet she was allowing Ellie to watch this, to experience this with her.
It was yet another thing to sit uncomfortably in Ellie’s gut. So when Dina set down her bag, Ellie cleared her throat.
“Have you eaten?”
~
Having dinner with Dina became a daily thing after the day Ellie took Dina home. If it were at Ellie’s place or the shorter girls, one of them would find the other and they would find someplace to eat. Sometimes they would actually cook.
The first night, Ellie had invited Dina back to her and Joel’s place for dinner. Having heard of Ellie’s shift change, Joel had already started on the meal when they’d arrived. He was surprised, to say the least, when Ellie walked in with the new girl trailing behind her. But he quickly got to making an extra plate and in no time they were sat at the dining table idly chatting. Joel was better with people than Ellie was, so she sat quietly as the two chatted. It was entrancing to watch, and it made the meal just that more familiar and earnest. It had been some time since she’d seen Joel smile and laugh like that.
And Dina, Dina was an entirely different experience than she had ever encountered. Ellie wasn’t sure what to do with that feeling, or with her.
When she spoke, Dina’s eyes lit up with a fire that would burn if not careful. Her words were sharp and intuitive, but so kind none could take any offense. Dina spoke her mind, about everything , and Ellie was astounded. She was astounded and utterly breathless by this ethereal being that had walked into her life.
Dina was soft with hard edges, laughter without humor, and beauty without physicality.
Ellie had no idea what to do with this new company, and yet that next day, as she sat surveying from the northeast post, Dina found her and invited her to dinner again. At her place this time, since Joel had a patrol that evening.
Dina promised to cook.
And it took Ellie but two seconds to agree.
She didn’t think she ever could’ve denied the offer.
Ellie didn’t think she could ever want to.
~
It was getting colder. The air and the ground and the sky were all getting colder and Ellie hated it. It reminded her of a time she did not like to think about and when the first snow came, she hadn’t left her room the entire day.
When you’re a kid, snow is fun. You get to spend all day playing in the light fluff and going inside to a warm house when the chill becomes too much. When you’re a child you get treated to hot chocolate flooding with marshmallows and a mountain of blankets.
It’s not like that as you grow older.
Now when the chill became too much, Ellie didn’t have a choice but to stay outside. And yes, there were the fire barrels everywhere to try and keep the concept of warmth alive. But she didn’t have time to stop and warm herself by one.
Ellie was busy, she had errands, she had work. And the thick jacket only did so much, along with her boots. Her days started at six in the morning and ended at nine in the evening and she was completely frozen by the end of each one.
Working on the fence never helped. There you were restricted to the outdoors, and since they still hadn’t figured out how to put roofs on the damn towers, she had to shovel the entire platform off if she didn’t want to be sitting in a pool of ice.
This night, in particular, was rough, because it decided to start snowing on her shift so she constantly had to shake the fresh powder from where it claimed territory on her shoulders. Her fingers were frozen and curled into her pockets. The same with her toes and about every other ligament of her body. Ellie didn’t know how they expected her to keep watch when she could barely wrap her hands around the barrel of her rifle, let alone pull the trigger.
But she didn’t complain, she didn’t mention it, she just endured.
So Ellie sat and watched as the sun began to sink behind the treetops. Silently praying she didn’t die of frostbite.
“Hey, Stretch!”
The voice called from behind and below her, someone on the ground, and even without the nickname, Ellie knew immediately who it was.
“Is that the name you’re gonna stick with?” She yelled but didn’t turn around to give the girl satisfaction of getting under her skin.
“Well it’s that or cutie, and I kinda figured the latter wouldn’t sit as well would it?” The voice was teasing, but Ellie was ever grateful she hadn’t turned around, even if she could blame her reddening skin on the cold weather.
“What do you want, Dina?” Ellie finally turned in her seat and saw Dina leaning with her back against the tower. Her black hair was tucked beneath a red beanie and her waist was clad in a thick purple parka.
“Little aggressive but fine,” Dina muttered under her breath and Ellie had to forcibly stop her eyes from rolling back into her skull. “I was just wondering what your plans for tonight were?” Dina smiled up at her, and Ellie couldn’t help but trace her soft features in this sharpening weather. The snow sparkled against her cheeks where it melted and Ellie had to wake up before she fell out of the chair she sat in.
“Well usually when I get off my shift, I make dinner with this extremely annoying, and highly arrogant vixen before I head off to sleep. You?”
“Vixen, huh? You think I’m foxy?” Dina smirked up at her and Ellie actually did roll her eyes before turning back around in her seat.
“After that whole thing, that’s what you decided to focus on?” She checked around at the border and the fence line before returning her gaze to the girl just below her.
“Sorry babe, but I’m an optimist.” Dina wasn’t looking at her anymore but Ellie could hear the smirk in her voice.
It was aggravating.
She was aggravating.
Yet she continued to hang out with her.
“9:30 as usual?” Ellie gave up the argument. If it's one thing she's learned in the past couple of weeks dealing with Dina, it’s that the girl never backs down from a fight.
“You know it.” The black haired girl stayed positioned below her, watching the town with her back still against the tower.
“Did you just come here to bug me?”
She only heard a teasing hum of confirmation rise from the ground.
Ellie sighed, “great.”
~
Ellie was surprised when she heard a gasp behind her after she’d entered her room. She and Dina had just finished having dinner with Joel and Ellie’d ran upstairs to grab a jacket before heading out.
This sort of thing had become normal to them, dinner and then a walk home. Dina didn’t live far from them but Ellie thought it was only polite she walk her back every night. She also didn’t mind getting to spend just that much more time with the girl, Ellie had grown to really enjoy the company.
But as Ellie reached for her jacket, hanging from the hook next to her closet, she heard Dina enter quietly behind her and then intake quickly.
“Oh my god, you have a record player?” Ellie turned to see Dina quickly cross the room to where the player sat, vinyls stacked vertically on the desk next to it.
“Yeah, it came with the house.” She unhooked her jacket and pulled it to her chest as Dina started to sift through the different albums she had. Her face was lit with pure pleasure and elation at the discovery, and she made quick work of reading through the titles.
Ellie’s chest hammered at how pretty Dina looked in that moment.
“God, I haven’t listened to some of these since…” She faltered at that for a second, her brows creasing before the smile returned, a little forced this time, “it’s just been a while.”
Ellie came up behind her after the stumble, she reached across and lifted one of the soft casings. Its title was almost too worn to read but she’d listened to it enough times that she knew the cover without it. “Would you like to listen to one?”
Dina had become quiet, her eyes fixed on the rows, her fingers slowly moving the casings one by one as she read their covers.
Ellie didn’t think she was actually reading any of them.
“Yeah, I would like that.” Her eyes lifted and Ellie thought she could see relief swirling behind the brown, relief and expectation and a little hollowness. But they were warm.
Her eyes were always warm.
So Ellie carefully unsheathed the record and hooked it onto the metal rod of the player. She could feel Dina’s eyes following her hands as she switched the machine on and lifted the stylus carefully to its spot at the beginning of the vinyl.
The air crackled as the small needle found its place along the grooves of the disk, chasing a song etched in a maze of carved shellac.
It wasn’t long before the soft undertones of a bass filled the air, followed by a guitar and then drums and then a soft voice. The machine wasn’t loud, Ellie never liked it loud, so she could still hear the shallow breaths of the girl positioned right beside her shoulder. The girl who was close enough that the air around them had become warm and electric from body heat.
After a minute, Dina finally spoke. She spoke so quietly and so softly and so close that Ellie shivered when the girl’s breath tickled her neck from the proximity.
“I know you want to ask.”
Ellie looked at her then, turning her neck and not much of her body to look into the murky but warm eyes. “About what?”
“My history, how I came to be here. Everyone does. I can see it when they’re talking to me, a question on their tongue that’s never spoken.”
Dina looks tired at this moment. Ellie notices that. She notices how tired Dina looks right now, with her shoulders slumped and her hair frizzy from the day.
“I don’t want to know anything you don’t want to tell me,” Ellie looks at Dina earnestly, or tries to at least. She’s not entirely sure how to form that expression but she tries desperately to let Dina know that she understands.
“I know you, Ellie. I know how curious you are. Even when you pretend to be disinterested, I see those little gears working behind your eyes.” Dina tries to joke but it falls flat.
“I’m serious, you don’t have to tell me anything.”
“I know,” Dina’s eyes flicker between hers, “but I want to.”
With that Dina breathes in and looks away, back down at the still spinning record and at the stacked ones beside it. “For now though, can we just chill? Just for a bit before we head back to my place?”
Ellie nods, because what else can she do.
And she watches Dina cross her room to her bed and fall onto it heavily, her head near the middle and her legs still hanging off the bed. Because what else can she do.
And Ellie follows her, copying her position oppositely. Their heads nestled together, almost touching. Ellie could feel the dip of Dina’s shoulders above her head, the small curls around Dina’s ears tickling her cheeks.
Her ceiling was cracked and stained from its age and years without care. Ellie’s eyes traced the lines back and forth from one corner of the room to another. They memorized the shape and color of each stain and she tracked the dirt that caked between each peeling of paint. The paint was supposed to be tan she thought but wasn’t sure. She looked at the ceiling, and felt the warmth from the body beside her, and listened to a chorus of instruments flow from the small speaker of the player in the corner.
Dina smelled of jasmine, and like a pine forest without a breeze.
And Ellie noticed.
Because what else could she do.
“I’ve never told anyone.”
Ellie lay quietly, the record had ended a bit ago, in need of flipping, so the needle spun silently except for the occasional crackle.
“I’ve never needed to, never wanted to.”
“You don’t have-“
“ Ellie .”
Ellie didn’t try to speak again after that.
It took a moment for Dina to talk again, and when she did she told Ellie of where she grew up, a quarantine zone in Portland. She told her of the pregnancy that forced her family to flee the city. She told her of the childbirth that took her mother, and the heartbreak that soon after took her father. Dina told Ellie of her solitude, and of her vestige in the world beyond their walls.
Dina was twelve when she lost her home and family and had somehow managed to survive by herself throughout the remaining years. Until she heard of a settlement at a nearby trading post and had ended up where she was now, lying in a bed next to Ellie.
They were quiet again after the confession, simply existing in the quiet aftermath and stirring in a now shared knowledge. They had moved during Dina’s story, so that they were sitting correctly on the bed, resting with their heads against the pillows. Dina lay so that her head laid nestled in the crook of her arm, while Ellie towered over the girl a bit, resting her head on an elbow.
“Was it everything it was cracked up to be?” This was the first time Ellie had spoken since the beginning.
“Was what?” Dina tilted her head, as much as she could, up at Ellie. While her fingers traced odd shapes on the bed sheets.
“The settlement.” Ellie watched Dina watch her dancing fingers.
The shorter girl thought for a moment, considering the simple question that Ellie had introduced to her.
“It’s not what I had expected, that’s for sure,” Dina finally looked up at Ellie, her eyes were sparkling again. They were still warm, but now it was like a blazing campfire and it was completely engulfing Ellie in flames. “It has its benefits, though.”
Once again, both of them lay there. Simply basking in the other’s company. Dina was looking her, not intensely but also not not intensely. It was like she was considering her.
“What about you, Stretch? How’d you come to dwell here?” Dina got up to flip the record as Ellie relaxed further into the bed.
“That’s a long story.” Ellie sighed, thinking through what she could possibly tell the other girl.
“We got time.”
The needle touched the surface of the maze again. And as the song crackled to life, so did Ellie’s story.
They didn’t comfort each other after both of them got quiet, they just laid in an understanding of loss. Comfort without touch, without words. They didn’t speak after the last word had left Ellie’s lips, they just looked at one another. The nervousness one feels of watching another was absent. A conversation without words.
Brown to green and green to brown.
A new album spun behind them, quietly, and popping on obtrusive particles of dust.
They must have fallen asleep like that because the next thing Ellie knew she woke alone, with the sheets cold around her and the dawn peeking its way through her curtains.
The record player found a new home not two days later.
~
When Ellie turned eighteen in late November, her body was aching to explore beyond the walls. It was like an over-encompassing feeling of unwelcome in her bones that screamed and clawed at her skin from within. Her body wanted out, her mind wanted out, Ellie wanted out.
She wanted to run and breathe and feel free for the first time in three years.
The day of her birthday, when she hadn’t slept a wink the night before, Jesse had approached her at the Reassignment Station. And that was that. Her first patrol was a week later, after a few training sessions on how to work with a group and how to coordinate the area along with the trip back home.
Ellie was elated.
And when she told Dina that night at dinner, there was something under the girl’s voice that gave her concern. Dina was happy for her, it seemed. She smiled as Ellie excitedly relayed what Jesse had discussed with her and she hugged Ellie that night as she left home.
But there was something wrong with Dina’s behavior, and Ellie couldn’t for the life of her figure out what it was.
But she went on her first patrol five days later, and for the first time since Ellie had stepped through the gates of The Dam, did she feel like she’d found her place .
~
Dina’s house started to become more than their occasional dinner spot. Soon, Dina’s quaint living space, with its small bedroom and smaller kitchen, became like a second home to Ellie.
She no longer went straight to her and Joel’s place when she got back from a patrol. Now, her journey took her muddy boots and two-day-old clothing to Dina’s, where the girl would scrunch her nose at Ellie’s foul smell and shove her towards the bathroom.
They would make dinner most every night there, and Dina would sit on the counter as Ellie cooked and relayed her day to her. Ellie would sit in a chair at the dining table as Dina did the same. Dina’s days always seemed far more interesting and Ellie loved listening to her. Maybe Dina was just a better storyteller.
On days that Ellie was free from patrol, the girl would browse the town’s market and make Dina breakfast. Getting eggs from Miller’s Farm and the occasional strip of bacon from Ms. Margaret. She would make Dina pancakes if she could and even tried at an omelet once but was only laughed at when it ended up on the floor.
Dina stepped to her tiptoes and kissed her cheek lightly when that had happened, whispering a quiet, “You tried your best, Stretch,” before making the two of them bowls of grits.
Ellie’s face burned at that.
In the backyard, nothing but a decent sized square of grass and weeds, was where Dina would do her wash. And after a while of course, where the two of them would do it together. Though it as rare for the both of them to be home midday at the same time, one or the other would spend the afternoon scrubbing their clothing in the wash tub and stringing it along the line stretched for drying. It was here that Ellie felt at peace the most because, before that, Joel was the one that did the wash. She’d never known the feeling to simply work quietly for an afternoon, to feel her hands raw from the scrubbing and the water. But not raw as in angry and red and painful, but a raw softness that left her hands tender to the touch and warm to the feel.
The small house had come with a small television in the corner of the living room as well, right in front of the worn couch. There weren’t, of course, channels to stream from anymore — though it still had that function. But it had a single DVD player hooked up to it and every once in a while the two would check out a movie from the trading post in town.
It was interesting to Ellie, watching the TV crackle to life as the video opened up with trailers of movies that would never be never released. There had been small videos for military training, back in Boston, but it had only been once or twice that she’d been able to watch a full movie.
It was — enthralling. Watching a story take place without its consequences and happenings affect her own life. The rapidly moving pictures and sometimes horrid acting brought a new safe haven to the taller girl. She’d never felt so content before to sit hours upon end and just watch, just listen. As a whole new world was brought to life before her in technicolor and minuscule pixels.
Dina felt the same, Ellie thought, but not in the same way it did for her. Dina was engrossed with the lives and the people she saw on screen, not entranced with the whole of it like Ellie. She felt a connection to each character and each family in a way that Ellie didn’t quite understand, but it made their discussions afterward all the more liberating.
That is if they could have a discussion after it. For more than not, Dina would fall asleep before the movie even ended. Though Ellie didn’t mind, she was already overwhelmed with the fact that Dina enjoyed cuddling together under a blanket while they watched. With Dina curled under her arm every night and another wrapped tight around her stomach, Ellie had a very short list of things which bugged her during that time.
When the girl next to her would begin to nod off, finally leaning fully into Ellie’s side and resting her head in the crook of the freckled girl’s neck, Ellie would simply turn the movie to its lowest volume and settle in for a long hour of restless stillness.
Dina was beautiful while she slept, all worries erased from her features and her lips parted with soft breaths. Her skin was always so soft and her body warm where it curled around Ellie’s. And it was the only time Ellie could look at her without nervousness or fear of showing too much in her gaze.
When the movie would end, Ellie would simply shift the girl sleeping against her and lift her body into the air to carry back to her bedroom. Dina’s head would rest gently against her shoulder and if she was awake enough, sometimes the girl’s arms would circle her neck and cling there.
It was one of the only times Ellie prided herself on being strong enough to carry another person. And having the shorter girl in her arms, clinging and curling to her, gave Ellie a feeling she still couldn’t comprehend. It made her weak and emboldened all at the same time.
It made her want to carry Dina to her room every night. To tuck her into a bed of soft blankets and leave with a small touch of the lips to her forehead.
It made her feel important.
Truly important. For the first time in a long time.
~
When Ellie would come home some evenings, her body would be bloody and battered. But Ellie hated the med bay. She hated the sterile walls and smell of cleaning fluids. They turned her stomach and made her panic every single time she stepped in there. So she just stopped going.
Dina, of course, wasn’t happy with this. But because Dina worked there daily, she got used to patching Ellie up at home instead of the infirmary. They now had a permanent suture and first aid kit on the counter in the kitchen.
Ellie knew it terrified Dina every time she came home hobbling or nursing a wound along her body. She knew that Dina held it together every single time Ellie would walk through the door heavily and lean against the frame until the shorter girl helped her up on the counter.
Dina hated it, but she knew how Ellie felt about the med bay. So she pushed it down and worked through it for the girl who always seemed worse for wear.
There was an evening where Ellie returned stumbling. A bandit attack gone wrong. Their patrol was only supposed to go to the second town over and back but they’d been interrupted by a pack of raiders who thought they seemed takable.
They weren’t, obviously. But one of them had gotten Ellie right along her midsection, with a hunter’s knife sharpened so, it easily peeled back Ellie’s shirt and sliced right into her exposed stomach. It wasn’t deep, thankfully, but it was long and she collapsed right as the guy was taken down by another member of her patrol.
They had rested there that night, and slowly trekked back home the following morning.
When Ellie had arrived at Dina’s place, the girl had still been on shift at the med bay. So Ellie did what she could at cleaning herself up in the bathroom.
That, of course, only lasted a good ten minutes before the door to the house slammed open — she forgot the rest of her team had most likely gone straight to the clinic.
Ellie listened as the door slammed against the wall it hung from and a quick shut after. She listened from where she leaned against the small counter in the bathroom, with the faucet pouring down the sink. Her body sagged from wear as she used all her strength to dab at the cuts along her face and hold herself up on shaking legs. Fast footsteps echoed through the house until they stopped at the doorway right behind her.
Ellie could see Dina’s frantic expression in the mirror as she looked her over. And the wash rag fell into the sink, its contents turning the water a sickly red.
“God you idiot.” Ellie heard that, and she looked sorrowfully at Dina when the girl came up behind her and helped lift Ellie’s arm around her shoulders to tug the broken girl to the kitchen. “You fucking idiot.” She heard that too.
Dina made quick work of Ellie after that. Sitting the beaten girl at the table in the tiled kitchen while she gathered the necessary supplies. Dina wiped the rest of Ellie’s face clean from dirt and blood. And she used small bandages to keep the cuts in place.
Ellie sighed at the touch, even though it hurt as hell, and she watched Dina’s troubled eyes as the girl worked. Ellie could watch her eyes forever if she could, she would drown in them and feel comfort in the all-encompassing murky warmth.
Dina was making her way quickly down Ellie’s arms when she noticed how soaked Ellie’s T-shirt was, and how it wasn’t somebody else’s blood that had done it. “Ellie,” Dina gasped, her voice high. Ellie had never heard Dina yell, her voice never raised enough to actually reach that level, but at this moment, it was close.
Dina gently touched Ellie’s stomach and the freckled girl winced, curling back into the chair as far as she could go.
“You fucking idiot.” The girl muttered angrily before taking hold of the edges of Ellie’s shirt.
And then her shirt was lifted above her head and Ellie froze while Dina quickly started work on the gouge along her stomach.
Like this was normal.
Ellie saw her wasted shirt tossed on the table and she could feel the cold air on her skin combat with the sweat and blood that rested there. And she could see Dina all the while, she could see Dina working at wiping away the blood along her stomach and she could feel a burning blush rise from her chest and up to her ears.
Ellie was shirtless in front of Dina.
What a childish thing to think, she knew. But god , this was Dina .
Dina’s fingers danced around the cut along her stomach and Ellie shuddered at the feeling. She’d never had someone touch her there before, never so softly or so delicately. It was such a strange and intense feeling all at once that Ellie held her breath the duration of Dina’s work. Only remembering to fill her lungs every time the girl crouched in front of her would glare upwards.
If Dina felt any inclination to feeling uncomfortable with this situation she made no notion towards it.
When Ellie’s stomach was finally patched up with a new listing of ten stitches — little twists of string that Dina fought Ellie over for a good fifteen minutes before the black-haired girl had told her to “shut up” and then patched Ellie up anyways — did Dina finally hesitate.
It was when her hands smoothly applied a bandage, and she sat back on her heels from her crouched position, did Ellie finally see a flicker of something in her eyes. Eyes that trailed from the bandage along her toned abdomen to the soft skin below her ribs to a chest still wrapped in Ellie’s sports bra to, finally, her freckled collarbones. It took what seemed forever before Dina finally looked at her.
And then that’s all either of them could do.
They stared as Ellie’s ragged breaths filled the quiet air and her pulse quickened under such an intense gaze. They stared until Dina’s eyes flicked to somewhere slightly below Ellie’s.
But then there was a shout outside, and the two of them gasped before Dina quickly stood up and gathered the soaked rags and other supplies scattered around the table.
“You should’ve gone to the med bay.”
And then she was gone down the hall with the closed kit in her hands and a bare Ellie still gasping for breath at the table.
Her skin was cold and a blazing red.
They never mentioned this moment again.
Ellie still didn’t go to the clinic.
~
There was an evening when the two worked in the backyard, unclipping their hanging clothing from the clothesline, folding, and then setting them in the correct baskets when Dina mentioned gardening.
It was an offhand comment, something one would bring up in conversation and then let rest. But it was something that stuck in Ellie’s head for days on end.
Dina told Ellie that she used to keep small plants at her home back in Portland. Nothing bigger than a tomato plant, but enough that she always had food for her family when they would cook. Small things like mint and basil, but enough that it made life just that more worth it.
Dina discussed her love for plants, for gardening, and how she’d one day love to turn this yard into something of the sorts. And the idea just stook , in Ellie’s mind. This happened a lot with her, ideas that would spring up and stay until a determined Ellie made them reality. Like her idea to find a certain album Dina liked while on patrol, the idea of getting the sheep's den in order at Ms. Margaret’s, the idea of putting roofs on the watch posts until she up and built them herself.
When Ellie got an idea, a plan , in her mind. There was no stopping it. Dina would often call Ellie an unrelenting river that could not be bent no matter how high a damn. Ellie liked it when she called her that. It made her feel powerful.
So Ellie made up her mind not more than the very next Friday. She was going to help the shorter girl start the beginning of a flourishing garden. No matter what it cost to do so.
And Ellie did.
They had a few farms around The Dam, three farms used for orchards and plants such as to feed the townspeople. And one that was used for more medicinal uses, small plants that were then turned to medicine or salves or even just flowers to help give peace to one another. Ellie knew each farm because she helped create each one, not the plants of course but the idea of each one and the building and separating and development. So thankfully, Ellie’s plan was easy.
Five hours a day, for two weeks straight, Ellie worked on her off-time from patrols, earning a wage that was enough to instead trade for some seeds and saplings of plants she thought Dina would enjoy. She worked at each farm, completing an array of tasks that would be as hard as building new side walls for the barns to washing all the horses in the corral. And slowly, Ellie began to receive payment. Starting, of course, with tomatoes; and ranging all the way to plants like oregano and snap peas.
Throughout the weeks, Ellie would present to Dina the newly found sapling, never telling her exactly how she came across it. And Dina was always too excited to really ask how anyways.
Dina’s face, when she produced her with the tiny seedling of the tomato plant, was one Ellie wanted to see and be the bringer of for the rest of her days on this earth. The way shock turned to disbelief to utter joy as the girl quietly gasped in excitement. The way Dina’s eyes widened then crinkled with the giant spread smile and shining irises.
The way Dina’s gaze burned a fire of passion in Ellie’s core, how the flames licked along her skin and spread like a wildfire from her chest to her toes.
Ellie wanted to experience that feeling, that emotion.
Every .
Single .
Day .
Ellie never did tell Dina of how she came upon the seeds, but she was content with that, knowing how much joy she had brought to the shorter girls life. Even if only for a fraction of a second.
Ellie was content.