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Chapter Text

The cold air was biting with each breath Mulder took. The adrenaline of all that had transpired over the day, and especially the last twenty minutes, was catching up to him. He took deep breaths hoping to slow the whirlwind of his mind down so he could process all that had happened.

Scully was still shaking. He could feel every gulping breath she took, hear her tears. Her arms were wrapped tight around him. They stood, wrapped in each other’s arms, and in their separate grief. Both mourned the loss of a son they never knew. For Mulder though, his grief was mixed with guilt.

He had seen William, had held him, had a conversation with him. Not some version of himself he chose to present, but him. Mulder’s heart ached with the guilt that he felt that Scully had not had that chance. She had stayed behind. It had puzzled him, but now he knew, she was worried about their baby. Their baby. Mulder took another deep breath and closed his eyes. That was when he heard it.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me,” he growled through his teeth.

Scully inhaled sharply as she heard Mulder’s harsh words and he pushed her roughly from him. He took great strides to the edge of the dock, looking all around. But then she heard him exhale loudly and drop to his knees.

She felt her knees buckle as she closed her eyes. Whatever he had seen, it could not be good. She did not know if she had the strength to face what Mulder was seeing.

Mulder was in shock. He was staring into the eyes of William, the real William, who was very much, not dead. Jackson’s face was full of fear. Mulder saw him dart his eyes all around, looking for a way out, a place to run.

“Please.” Mulder breathily begged him, his eyes full of pain. “Please. For her. Please. Please.”

Scully heard Mulder speaking but could not make out the words. She took a breath and then walked over to Mulder, ready to face this with him. He should not have to do this alone.

Jackson began to push himself backwards in the water. He needed to get out of there. He knew if he saw her and she saw him, the real him, he may not be able to run. “Wait, please, just.. wait,” he heard Mulder plead.

He hesitated for a brief second and then, there she was. Hair shining in the night lights, staring at her partner, not seeing him yet. Jesus, he needed to go. But he could not, he was frozen. He wanted to see her, no, he had to. Then her eyes fell on him, and she cried out as she too fell to the ground. She began to gasp and cry his name like a prayer.

“William, oh god. William,” she cried as she moved to lay flat on her stomach, hand outstretched to reach him. As if by sheer will she could pull him to her, despite his distance, “please, we can, I’ll get.. a rope, please. Oh my god.”

She started to push up to go find a rope, when she felt Mulder kneel down. He had a rope in his hands. She had not even noticed he had walked away.

Mulder looked at William and silently begged him to catch the rope and allow him to pull him back to the dock. His heart was pounding as he coiled the long, thick rope and threw it out to William.

Jackson was not looking for the rope, he had eyes only for Scully. He saw her physical pain, still on the ground, reaching to him, and he felt it immensely. But, a part of him felt a sick thrill that she was hurting. He did not really know her, so why should he care how she feels? But then.. her eyes.. Anguish, fear, despair, and something else. As if she dared not hope but could not control it. But also something he could not place.

Mulder felt as though he would shatter from the brokenhearted pleas he heard from Scully as she lay on the ground next to him. He knew how this must be killing her. William was so close, alive. Mulder had seen the fear in his eyes, the look of flight. But he was not moving, just staying afloat right in from of them.

He pulled the rope back and re-coiled it, and threw it again. If he had to do this all night, he would. Anything to take away the anguish and pain he heard in Scully.

Jackson heard the rope splash the water and it broke him from his gaze on Scully. He looked at it and knew it was now or never. He looked at Scully again and felt a pull from her stare. He grabbed the rope and held on.

Mulder felt the tug and his heart leapt. He started pulling him in as he heard Scully choking on her sobs. She began to scramble to get up. Mulder grabbed her elbow and helped her stand.

She wrapped her arms around herself as she could see William getting closer. She felt she would be sick. Knowing he could change his mind at any second, she felt she could not keep the sick feeling of losing him again out of her mind.

“Almost.. almost. Please.. oh god.. please,” she repeated in a whisper.

Mulder was pulling him as quickly as he could, without causing him any harm. The rope was beginning to fall heavy on the dock. He felt it tighten as it ran over the side, William was close now.

He dropped to one knee and anchored himself. He wrapped the rope around his arm to give himself more leverage. This was going to be the hard part.

Mulder pulled and pulled the rope, William’s weight was made exponentially heavier by the water logged clothes he wore. Mulder dropped his other knee and pulled harder.

“Help me, Scully,” he whispered. He was immediately brought back to a different day when he said those words to her. Hands deep in the earth, desperately trying to find answers about his sister. The pain he had felt in that moment was soul crushing. Yet.. Scully had been right there beside him, as she always was, and she began to move the earth with him. To help him. To soothe his fears.

Tonight it was different. This was a joint heartache. One that was made lighter when he felt her drop back down next to him, place her small hands on the rope, and begin to pull.

Mulder held tight to the rope as he maneuvered onto his stomach. He could see that William was yet some feet out of reach. Scully stood and began to walk backward as she pulled the rope; giving Mulder some tension. She caught sight of a cleat close to them and hurried to tie the rope to it.

Mulder glanced over at Scully and saw her plan. He kept his grip tight on the rope as he once again brought himself to his knees. He braced himself, took a deep breath, exhaled, and pulled. He leaned far back and felt Scully behind him. She had grabbed the rope again and as he pulled as hard as he could, she pulled with him. Stepping back to keep the rope taut.

Mulder leaned over the side again as he gathered the rope for another large pull. William was so close now, one more pull should get him to the top.

Mulder heaved and Scully pulled. Again,  Mulder leaned over the side. This time, William was within reach. Mulder fell to his stomach again and reached a hand out to grab him. Scully kept walking back with the rope, holding the line.

Mulder grasped William’s forearm and pulled. As he did, he planted one hand on the dock and began to push himself up. He felt the rope move as Scully kept pulling, helping him to grasp him better. He held tight to his arm and then seized the back of William’s coat, as William’s other hand reached for the dock.

Mulder released his arm and grabbed his coat with both hands as he pulled his knees under him for leverage. Jackson had gotten both hands and now his forearms onto the dock. Mulder kept a tight grip on him, feeling the freezing clothing. He moved a hand down to William’s thigh and grasped the wet material. He used it to his advantage, making it easier for him to hold him in place. Jackson crawled his way up the dock as Mulder pulled one last time and pushed back.

Mulder fell to his back, eyes closed, breathing hard, the cold air filling his lungs. Jackson was on his stomach next to him coughing and taking big gulps of air. Neither was in any shape to move, until they both heard her cry out.

Mulder’s eyes flew open as he saw Scully running past him to William. She dropped to her knees in front of him, but did not touch him. He rolled over, still coughing, and found her staring at him. He quickly scrambled to his feet and she followed.

Mulder pushed himself up and stood sentinel beside them. He was trying to calm his breathing. His heart was a different matter. He could feel it pounding. Happiness, nervousness, fear, all pumped through his bloodstream.

Scully and Jackson stared at one another. Her hands were balled into fists at her sides, not trusting herself to not touch him. She wanted to hold him and never let him go, but she was afraid he may run. She raised her hands up and then dropped them down. Her breath was shaking as she stood and looked her fill of him. She could see where the bullet had struck him, but it was already healing. He could heal himself?

Jackson was acutely aware of how cold he was, standing there in his dripping clothes. He was out of the water, safe and able to run, but once again he was frozen. This woman.. his mother..she was a stranger.. yet she was familiar. He could not place what he felt toward her. It was there, but still lurking far in the back of his mind. 

When she could no longer stand it, Scully took a step forward, whispered his name, and wrapped her arms around his waist. She turned her head, closed her eyes, and held him tight.

He was surprised at her movement and had had no time to move away. He stood there in shock while she held him tight, his arms down at his side. He could feel and hear her crying, but still he did not move.

Then, the wind blew. A quick gust that swirled around them. When it did, he smelled a scent that had haunted his dreams but eluded him in the day.

He used to dream of a house, or a building, that he could not identify. He had never visited any place like it with his parents. But he would dream of it. Of warm colors, soothing voices, laughter, someone singing, and that scent. He would wake with the scent in his mind, sure he could pinpoint it this time. He was never successful. His house did not smell that way. Nor his parents, grandparents, teachers, or friends homes-nowhere but in his dreams.

It was clouding his brain as he realized that scent was her. No other explanation for it. It had to be. He had not been dreaming of it at all, he had been remembering it, searching for it. For her. For his...his mother’s scent. He choked on a sob and he wrapped his arms around her.

Scully felt his arms go around her and she sobbed anew. Her boy.. her boy. He was alive and he was here. Years of searching, longing, dying a little every day. Wondering if he was okay, if he was loved and safe, if he.. if he hated her. Now here he was, whole and in her arms. Her boy.

She turned her head and saw Mulder staring at her. There was so much love in his eyes, it made her heart ache. She asked him with her eyes to hold them, hold both of them, but he gave her a small shake of his head and a small smile. This was her time.

Jackson was breathing her scent in, letting it fill his nostrils, permeate his senses. He let it wash over him, as if he would never again get the chance. What was it exactly? It was not a soap or perfume. It was a smell that seemed to make his blood sing, creating a euphoria he had never experienced. His parents had loved him, cared for him, fought for and with him. But this.. this was different. He felt it in his bones. This woman.. she would die for him. Shit. How could he know that? Because of a goddamn scent?! That was ridiculous. He started to feel dizzy.

Jackson let go of her and took a step back. His hand came up to push an errant strand of hair away. His eyes darted away from her and back again. He looked terrified again. A horse ready to bolt.

Scully’s hands reached to touch his face, but he took another step back. Anger adding to the fear she saw. Her heart dropped and she felt her stomach lurch again.

“William,” she said pleadingly, “please.. please don’t run. I.. I.. please..”

“You’re all wet,” he said curtly to her.

Scully looked down and was surprised to find that her coat was wet. She had not  noticed. Now though, she realized her cheeks were cold and her hair was even damp.

“I don’t care,” she said, “I’m fine. William. I.. but we need to get you out of those wet clothes. I.. we don’t have, we need to go find something. Maybe Skinner has a blanket in the trunk. Yeah, I’m sure he does. Let’s.. let’s head over there okay? Together, okay?” She knew she was rambling. She was so afraid he would run, so afraid of losing him again.

“Here.” She heard Mulder softly say.

She looked at him. He had his coat in his hand.

“Can’t do much about the wet pants, but at least you’ll be half dry,” he said to Jackson.

“Take it please,” Scully quietly said to him. Her eyes were full of tears. She had seen his anger when he stepped back. She expected it, but it still hurt.

He looked between them and finally took the coat Mulder offered. He started removing his wet clothing and turned as he got down to the last layer.

Scully looked at Mulder, tears streaming down her face. She covered her mouth as a sob threatened to come out. He stepped over to her and put his arm around her shoulders. She put her face in the crook of  his neck, and took some breaths. His closeness brought her comfort and she raised her head as Jackson put on Mulder’s coat and closed it up, turning around again.

They stared at one another, not sure how to proceed. Mulder noticed how quickly the bullet wound was healing. He seemed to have powers like, well, like Wolverine. The hole had been slightly bigger when he pulled him out of the water. He stared at him, unable to believe he was standing there breathing.

Mulder finally spoke up, wanting to make it clear how they would handle the situation. “We keep calling you William. That is who you are to us, who you have been, but what would you prefer we call you?” He felt Scully stiffen and he squeezed her shoulder.

“My name is Jackson. I.. I don’t know William,” he said looking at Scully. She nodded, feeling Mulder’s arm tighten more. His silent strength sent to her.

“Jackson it is, then,” Mulder said with a nod to him as well. Then he took his arm from around Scully and held out his hand to him. “It’s beyond a pleasure to meet you Jackson.”

Jackson stared at his hand and felt a moment of confusion followed by understanding. They were letting him call the shots. Letting him be in control of what happened next. Time to make a decision. He counted to five and Mulder never moved his hand. Jackson reached out and shook his hand, gripping his hand tightly.

Scully followed Mulder’s lead and also stuck her hand out. “I am so happy to see you, Jackson.” She could not quite keep her tears at bay as she stood waiting for him to accept her hand.

He looked at her. Her eyes were so blue. He remembered those eyes looking at him. Remembered the love he saw in them. He grabbed her hand, harder than he intended, but she only smiled, as tears spilled down her cheeks.

Mulder felt his heart skip a beat as he saw them touch, their eyes unable to look away from each other.

“We really should get you out of those wet clothes,” Mulder said and they both turned to look at him. “I’m not asking you to do anything you aren’t comfortable with, I just want you to be dry. Will you come with us, please?”

They both looked at Jackson intently, silently begging him to come with them. He was warmer now with the jacket on but his legs were freezing. He would not get very far with these wet clothes. He nodded that he would join them.

Scully breathed a sigh of relief. She stepped back, allowing him to go ahead of her. He began to walk back to the building. Mulder reached for Scully’s hand and squeezed it tight before letting it go and leading the way to the car. They did not speak, each lost in the thoughts of the evening.

When Mulder opened the door leading out to the car, he shouted for Scully. She hurried up to him shouting “Oh my God!!” She and Mulder bent down to look under the car. Skinner was on his stomach, underneath. She could barely reach him, but she was able to feel his wrist. He had a pulse and when she touched him, he groaned.

Scully stood up and saw Mulder over by the other car. “Scully, come over here.” She stepped over to him and found Monica with a bullet wound. She stepped up on the doorframe and felt her neck for a pulse. It was faint, but it was there. She put her ear close to her mouth and felt her shallow breath. She looked at the wound and saw it was superficial.

“Mulder, she is bleeding, although it has seemed to slow. She still needs pressure and we need to find something to use to do it. Do you have anything in the car?” She said as she turned toward him.

He was on the phone, telling the 911 operator where they were and what had happened. He nodded at her to let her know he heard her. He walked over to his car and Jackson was left there standing and staring at her.

“I can help,” he said, surprising her and himself. “You should check on the guy under the car. He probably needs help more than she does right now. Besides, he’s on it,” he says with a chin jerk toward Mulder.

Scully stared at him and was not sure what to think. He stepped closer to her and offered his hand to help her step down. She took it and he switched places with her. He looked at her still standing there and motioned toward Skinner. “Go,” he said and then looked back at Monica.

She walked to check on Skinner as Mulder passed to check on Monica. Scully grabbed his arm and Mulder looked at her. “Please, don’t let him leave. Keep your eyes on him at all times. I can’t.. I need..” she quietly pleaded as she felt tears well up in her eyes.

“I don’t think he’s going anywhere, Scully,” he said quietly with a glance at Jackson in the car with Monica. He nodded and squeezed her hand. They both walked away to help two people they cared about.

Mulder handed Jackson the shirt he found in his car and told him to use it to apply pressure to her wound. To not let go no matter if it filled with blood. She needed it stopped and they would do what they could until help showed up.

Scully was on her stomach talking to Skinner. She held his hand telling him help was on the way. He groaned and said her name. She squeezed his hand as she heard sirens in the distance getting closer. Thank god.

Jackson sat on the staircase with Mulder standing next to him. He was wearing Mulder’s coat still and some sweatpants and a shirt of Mulder’s that happened to be in a gym bag in his trunk.

When the emergency services showed up it had been absolute chaos. Questions had been asked and they did not have the answers. Mulder had pulled Jackson aside and taken him up the stairs. It was then Mulder remembered he had a bag in his trunk with a change of clothes. Jackson had stayed put as he got it and Mulder guarded him as he changed. He gave him his bag for his wet clothes.

The firemen had to tend to Monica first. They took her out on a board, transferred her to an ambulance and it left. They had to move her car and then work on getting Skinner out. It was slow, concise work.  Scully stayed with them explaining who she was and offering up what information she knew.

She then had to explain to the police officers, that she and Mulder had been at the docks picking up their son, when they heard gunshots. They followed the sound and found Skinner and Monica in their state. She did not know any other details. They said they wanted to speak to Mulder and Jackson. Scully stated her son was a minor and she would speak to him first. She then went to check on Skinner again.

Jackson’s eyes followed her every movement. She was commanding but not domineering. Firm but not rude. Her glance lifted to them repeatedly, her look full of longing. Every time, she stared at him, he felt a tug. Something he could not explain, but hung in the air between them. A rubber band pulled taut.

Mulder sighed making a loud exhaling sound. William looked up at him almost expecting to see anger or irritation. He was surprised to see him wiping away tears from his eyes. Mulder saw Jackson watching him and he took a breath.

“I know that we are strangers to you. That you don’t know us. But.. that woman. Your mother..” he looked over at Scully again as she helped and talked to the emergency team, “this is so typical her. I’ve known her for twenty five years and I am not one bit surprised that she is standing where she is right now.”

Mulder took a deep breath and tilted his head back, before blowing out his breath. “You have no idea how she has grieved for you. Through memories, photographs, other people who remind her of you. She has wanted to find you.. forever.,” his voice was shaky with emotion. “Yet, you are here and two people we have known for so long are in need and so she is there with them. She could easily have chosen to come with us once help arrived, but she is taking the burden off of us. They will want to speak with us, get our statement, but she will have concocted a story. She will claim you are a minor and need parental permission to be questioned, buying us time. I know her. It’s what we do. Protect each other, protect you, care for those in need. Her chance to speak with you might only be now, yet she is not here. She is keeping you safe from afar. That is her through and through.”

Jackson looked back at Scully with Mulder’s eyes this time, seeing her as he did. The pride, love, and even sadness he felt from Mulder, ran off of him and Jackson was once again surprised and astonished that others could not feel and see emotions like he could. How much time it would save to know how someone felt simply by seeing it with your own eyes. She looked up at them again and this time Jackson smiled, a small smile, but it stopped her where she stood.

He saw her taking deep breaths, her hand at her chest. Oh.. the rubber band between them sent a jolt of love. Much the way tin can phones work with string, he felt it. A wave of love so strong, it almost knocked him off balance. He breathed in a gasp and wrapped his arms around himself. Trying to block out those feelings, if it was possible. He was not ready to deal with that yet. Too much was happening too quickly.  

She walked over to them and up the stairs. He stood up as she approached. “I told them we came down here to pick you up,” she said quietly with a glance at Jackson. “That you were out with friends and we came to get you. We heard gunshots and came to investigate, found them like they were. We don’t know anything else, but they are or were, colleagues of ours.”

“They’ll see through that soon enough,” Mulder said looking in her eyes and then toward the scene before him.

“I know. But hopefully not before we can get out of here,” she said with a glance down as well. An officer motioned them down as Skinner was placed on a stretcher. He was pale and breathing hard. Scully hurried down the stairs to see him. She grabbed his hand and bent her head low to speak to him as they walked toward the ambulance.

An officer walked up and took Scully’s place. He began asking questions and Jackson was impressed with the ease at which Mulder lied to him. Jackson followed suit. The officer asked him about the cut on his forehead. He reached up and touched it. It truly was just a cut now. Mulder explained how they had been repairing something at home earlier and he had walked into the open cabinet door. Jackson laughed and said it hurt his ego more than anything else. It must have been believable enough, because the officer nodded and told them they were free to go.

They followed him down the stairs. Scully met them at the bottom and Mulder nodded to her. He walked over to the car and got in, turning on the ignition. Scully and Jackson followed him and silently they backed up and made their way past the lingering emergency vehicles.

Scully and Jackson both watched forward as Mulder looked behind him as he navigated backward down the narrow alley. No one seemed to breathe until they drove away from the dock and got on a main road. Then, as one, they seemed to draw a deep breath.

Scully put her elbow on the window and her forehead in her hand. She closed her eyes and took some shaky breaths. Mulder took his right hand off the steering wheel and reached for hers. He locked their fingers together and they looked at each other and nodded.

Jackson watched them. So many emotions were coursing through his body. Memories were popping up, sounds, voices. Things he thought he had pushed away forever, but apparently he was wrong. They were still there, just buried down deep.

He caught Mulder’s eye in the rear view mirror. He held his gaze and then Mulder looked away. “We can head home, back to our place. I’m sure you have lots of questions,” seeing the panic in Jackson’s eyes as he looked back at him again, Mulder continued. “Or we could drop you somewhere if you like. It’s up to you.”

Mulder felt Scully’s hand tighten in his and heard her hold her breath.

“You could drop me off,” he said quietly.

Scully released her breath and tried not to sob. Mulder held her hand tighter. Squeezed it three times. Their knock. “It’s okay. I’m here.” She squeezed back, so thankful to have him there to hold her when she felt like falling.

They drove in silence for a bit. Not really knowing what to say. How to put seventeen years into a single car ride. Scully wished they could freeze time. Stay here in this moment. No fear, just truth. She was quietly crying but they could both hear her. Biting her lip to keep from crying out, tears running down her cheeks.

“Here is good,” Jackson said suddenly.

They had driven past a strip mall and then a small motel. Mulder slowed and then pulled over, backing up until the motel was in sight. He stopped the car and he and Scully both got out.

Jackson got out and looked at them before walking into the office. Mulder immediately grabbed Scully and held her tightly. She wrapped her arms around his waist and clung to him, sure she would be on the ground if he was not there.

“He’s alive, Scully. Alive,” he whispered into her hair. “Everything else we can handle. We can face. But losing him like that.. seeing him killed for me. Scully, I can’t..” his voice broke as he held her closer.

She sobbed against him. Feeling his pain mirroring her own, they shared their happiness and grief together.

Jackson stood on the step outside the office and stared at them. At the love he could see shining off of them. He thought of the man who claimed he was his father. His evil thoughts, his plans. Jackson had done some terrible things, but only because he did not know he could and then again because he had to protect himself. He did not want to believe he was evil.

Seeing them together, seeing his mother. The lengths they went through to help him, the worry they both showed. That was a parent, a father. He did not want to believe that he had been born of her and that other man. It was disgusting and improbable. Not when he could see and feel the love these two had for each other.

The feeling was like hearing the best song he ever heard, eating his favorite food, watching his favorite movie, and his first kiss all rolled into one. Overwhelming but beautiful.

Seeing it around them was like staring directly at the sun. It was blinding. How they could not see it, he did not understand. It was beautiful. 

He had so much he wanted to ask them. So many questions, but now that he was actually able to do it, he was terrified. He needed to find another way. Figure out what he wanted before he jumped in all the way. This distance will be good.

“I got the room,” he said, interrupting their embrace. He brushed his hair back from his forehead as they came toward him.

Mulder pulled his wallet out and took out some cash. “This is all I have on me,” he said as he handed him some random bills.

“I have money. I don’t need..”

“Take it. Please.”

Mulder pushed it into his hand and also took out his business card and slipped it into his hand. “If you need anything,” he said quietly holding his gaze. “Anything, anytime, anywhere. I will get to you. We will get to you.”

Mulder pulled him in and embraced him. That he did not return it did not trouble Mulder. He got to hold his boy again. Nothing else mattered in that moment.

He stepped back and Scully stepped up. She searched his face and looked in his eyes. So different than when he was a baby. She could still see him there, though, and it made her breath catch.

“Take care of yourself. Please be careful and know we are here. If there is anything you need, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you,” she said through her tears.

Her hands itched to touch him again, but she was unsure. Her connection to him was different than Mulder’s and she was terrified to do the wrong thing. He saw the hesitation in her, felt her fear and made a decision.

He stepped one step forward and pulled her into his arms. He held her and closed his eyes. Imagining how it would have felt to have her hug him like this his whole life. Imagined the way her body would have felt when he snuggled with her on the couch. How her hands would have soothed him when he was sick.

Her arms wrapped around him and for a moment, he was not a kid with special powers. He was not a troubled person on the run to keep people safe. He was a boy being held by his mother. He felt his heart beat out a call to hers and then elation when he felt an answer. He heard her gasp and knew she felt it too. He breathed in her scent once more and then let her go.

She stared at him and he smiled and nodded. She touched his face and held it in her hands, memorizing exactly how he looked. He touched his forehead to hers and she felt such peace. She took a deep breath and felt warmth spread through her, like sunshine invading her soul.

He stepped back and the connection was broken. She stared at him as she still held his face. She smiled and let out a disbelieving laugh. She reached up on tiptoes and kissed his cheek. He closed his eyes at her touch and then opened them as he stepped back.

He needed time to think. Some distance. Right now, all he wanted to do was get back in the car with them and go wherever they would take him. But he knew that was not the right plan. He needed to be sure he was no longer followed. No longer pursued. They needed to be safe.

Mulder came up and placed his hand on her back. The signal to her that it was time to go. She looked at him and smiled. She was ready. Mulder handed him his bag of clothes and nodded to Jackson one last time before opening the car door for Scully. He walked around to the other side and got in, turning on the car.

Scully stared at him for another minute, then smiled and got in the car. She put her hand against the glass and he stepped up and did the same. They smiled at each other and he moved back as Mulder put the car in drive.

He waved as they drove away. He saw her turn her head and watch him until she could no longer see him. He felt empty and alone now that he stood there without them. He took out his key and walked to his room. He closed the door and leaned his head against it. He knew this was what he needed to do, he just felt so alone.

He took off his shoes, set his bag down and put all the money Mulder had given him on the dresser. He placed his business card on top. He looked at it and realized he was not alone. Yes, he may be physically, but there were two people out there who would be there when he was ready. They made that very clear.

He looked at himself in the mirror. He saw the fact that he had literally been given the clothes off Mulder’s back and he knew they would be there if he called. He just needed to figure some things out, and then he would find them again. He would find them.

Chapter Text

Scully woke with a gasp. She felt it again. As if she were stuck in place, unable to move. She opened her eyes and saw him there, standing in the doorway of the bedroom. He was wearing different clothes, but still had Mulder’s jacket. She stared at him, unable to do anything else.

Then she felt it lift. Felt her body unlock and she was able to sit up. She stared at him, unsure of what to do.

“Will you come with me?” his voice sounded far away, echoey.

She stood up and looked back at Mulder. He was still sound asleep, unaware that she had slipped from his arms.

“He can’t hear me. He can’t feel me.” Jackson’s voice said.

Scully stepped forward, her eyes locked on Jackson.

“How are you able to do this? How can I see you and hear you in my dreams?” she asked him.

He touched his forehead, moving his hair back. A nervous tick. He looked at her and then shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t know how, I just know I can. It’s.. it’s not all the time. Only when I want to and when you are receptive to it. If I try and you aren’t, it’s.. I don’t know, like trying to watch and hear through thick frosted glass.”

She stared at him. Seeing him earlier had left her with a myriad of emotions. Happiness, fear, excitement, but mostly hope. Hope that they would finally be together.

He had not wanted to stay, however. She understood, but it still hurt, incredibly so. He did not know them. He had not been searching for her, living without her, grieving for her, the way she had been for him. He had had a family, a mother and father. She was nothing to him.

“Not nothing,” he interrupted her thoughts and she jumped. Oh. He could read her mind. “You’re not “nothing” to me. That’s what I want to show you. What I.. I couldn’t tell you earlier. You’re right that I don’t know you. But.. you’re not “nothing” to me.”

His voice was coming through a little stronger now. Like he had been far away from a microphone and he finally had stepped closer. 

“Will you let me show you what I don’t think I know how to put into words?” he asked with a sense of apprehension, as if she would refuse him.

She looked back at Mulder then back at Jackson. “He can’t come with us,” he said, holding her eyes, begging her to understand. She held his gaze and then she nodded.

“I need.. I need to touch you. Can I?” he asked quietly, his eyes boring into her.

“Can you?” she whispered incredulously, tears filling her eyes. “This is just a dream, how can you touch me?”

He smiled and stepped closer to her. “It’s not a dream. It’s not.. it’s..a moment? A vision? Hmm..no, that sounds so kooky.” She laughed and cried, wiping her eyes.

“Okay. Whatever this is, I’m ready,” she said taking a deep breath. He raised his hands and put them gently on her temples.

She gasped. She was in a dark room, but she recognized the scent. Her old apartment, she was almost sure of it. There were shapes but she could not quite make them out. It was familiar, but still dark. Then she heard her own voice, but muffled. Then her mother’s voice, her low concerned tones. Again it was muffled. Almost like.. like she was underwater and someone was calling to her, but it was indistinct.

Then darkness, complete darkness. The scent was gone but she heard voices again.

A man’s voice. Not Mulder’s. She closed her eyes and listened. It was Doggett, she realized as her eyes opened. Skinner. Then Reyes. Even the Gunmen. All muffled, but their voices were recognizable, passing by like wind.

Then another room. She could make out that there were shapes, but not see them. A different scent this time. Familiar, achingly so, but she did not know what to think of it. How it was possible and what it meant. It was Mulder’s apartment. She could hear his  voice now too. Muffled.

Then her place again. Still dark, but the scent. It was there. She could hear Mulder and Doggett together, then her mother. So many voices swirled around her.

A rush of loud voices in the dark. Then only Reyes. Her voice muffled, then clearer. She could her herself screaming, louder and louder. Then it was quiet and bright. Then her own face, hazy but she could see it. Then it was gone.

She felt his hands leave her face. He looked at her, searching for a sign that she understood what he showed her. She stared at him, searching his face, the thoughts of what just happened swirling in her head.

“When I was pregnant with you.. but.. how? It’s scientifically impossible, improbable. No child has memories of the womb, or.. or for years later. I.. it..” she trailed off, staring at him.

He smiled. “I’m pretty sure we can agree that I was not a “normal” child. That hasn’t changed with time, wouldn’t you say?” he asked her, a touch to his forehead.

She was trying to process the thoughts she was having. To put science and fact to what obviously could not be categorized, or easily referenced.

He smiled again. “It’s best not to put too much faith in science right now. Consider where you are and what we are doing.”

She exhaled, almost like a laugh. She nodded and took a deep breath. “Is that what you wanted me to see? That you remember that time?”

“No, there’s more. When you’re ready, you tell me, and we’ll continue,” he said, looking in her eyes.

She stared at him, unsure where this would lead. She knew how this went after he was born. The happiness, the uncertainty, Mulder leaving, her sadness and worry, the loneliness. He raised his eyebrows and she closed her eyes, took a shaky breath, opened her eyes again and nodded.

He touched her temples again and now she could see her apartment, but it was hazy, as if through a film. It was odd angles. The ceiling and then her face again. She heard her voice, but could not make out the words.

Then there was Mulder, his smiling face as he looked down. His eyes shining and then his smile growing wider. Now she understood what he was showing her.

These were Jackson’s memories, how he saw them. She felt tears running down her cheeks as she was there in that moment through his eyes. She saw Mulder lean forward and kiss her and the most dazzling light filled the room. 

The ceiling again, and the mobile. She heard both her and Mulder’s voices, their tones sad. She heard herself crying and him soothing her with hums and then his own tears when she was quiet. Mulder’s face appeared hovering over the side of the bassinet. He was hazy and his eyes were so sad. So different than the last time he had been looking at him. His face came closer and she realized Mulder was picking William up. He cried as he held and looked at him. She could see the tears shining on his face.

Then she could hear his voice, his soft murmurs as she could only see black, as he held William to his chest. She saw Mulder again as he bent to kiss William’s forehead.

She was sobbing now. She stepped away from him, needing a minute. He understood and he stepped back, his hands in his pockets.

She did not know Mulder had done that, had gotten up and held their baby and had his own time with him before he left. Not like that anyway. They had lain in her bed with him between them as they marveled at how perfect he was, how beautiful. He had watched her nurse him and told her how beautiful she was, how much he loved them both.

She had watched him hold him, change him, rock him, but they were always together. He had cuddled him, loved him, but not without her. To know that he had done so, left her with a bittersweet feeling. He missed all of William’s whole short life with her. He did not have the chance to know him. But oh, how he loved him. She knew, but now she saw. She saw the love he had for the child they had created with their love.

She stepped back to Jackson and nodded. He touched her temples again and she heard Mulder’s murmurs to William and saw him kiss him again. Saw her own face as he was handed back to her. Saw their faces looking down at him together, then their foreheads pressed together before Mulder kissed her. The door shut and it was quiet. Ten seconds and she heard and saw herself sobbing, as she held him close.

She heard voices, laughter, singing, and happiness. Different hazy faces- Doggett, Reyes, her mother, the Gunmen, Skinner even. All the people she had known and had cared for her and Mulder. The ones determined to help and care for them. But still times of her crying, as she nursed him, rocked him.

Then.. oh.. she heard herself crying again- a different kind of sound. Heard her pleading, heard the desperation and sadness in her voice. She was looking over the crib, staring at him as she cried. She touched his face and bowed her head.

She was crying, looking in his eyes, kissing his face, smelling his neck, and then she was gone. Another face, Spender’s sad eyes and grim face, as he took William from Scully.

She stepped back from him, his eyes on hers. He saw her tears, saw the sadness all over her face. He was about to show her more, something different, when the room started to go dark, feeling as if it was enclosing in on them. He did not know what was happening. He had never seen or felt this before.

Scully crumbled to the ground in front of him, clutching her stomach, weeping with pain. Jackson stared at her, unsure of what to do. She choked on her sobs, trying to catch her breath. She gasped, begging him to please stop this, to not put her through this pain again. He stuttered that he was not in control of this memory. He did not know or remember this happening.

“It’s..it’s..please. Stop it..”  she knew what this was. The pain that ate her up inside. Her guilt, her sadness. She remembered this feeling. The despair, the utter agony, the emptiness. As if her heart had been ripped from her chest. The knowledge that she could lie down and die and she would not care. She welcomed it even. Death would be better than the pain tearing her apart.

She wanted to leave. Now. She begged him to go, but he stood there frozen. This was not what he wanted. This was not his plan. He never meant to hurt her like he was right now. Her heartbreaking cries were killing him. She desperately grabbed his hand and they ended up somewhere else instantaneously.

She knew where they were immediately. It was the bench by the Washington Monument. She took a deep breath and tried to stop her sobs, and the deep shudders in her breathing, as she held her face in her hands.

He was silent beside her. Looking at the Monument across the water, instead of at her. He never meant for her to experience the pain he just witnessed. He wanted to show her how he had remembered his life with her. How he had seen her and the people around her. The way he remembered their voices and their faces.

There was the older woman with short brown hair, who looked at him with so much love, it rolled off of her in waves. The man with blue eyes that were always so sad. The woman with brown hair and the kindest smile, Monica, who he had helped earlier. The man with glasses, Skinner, who he had known him as simply the man who sounded gruff, but always smiled at him. And the three funny men who were always together. He had wanted to show her those happy memories.

She had finally calmed down. Still a sob swept through, but the tears had stopped. She started telling him about this bench and why she seemed to have brought them there. How years and years ago, she and Mulder had been separated at work, only one year after they had started working together. Even then, even that soon, she needed him and he needed her because they were not whole without the other.

They had met there to talk, just talk. Their need to remain connected was like a pull. They had balanced each other out, right from the beginning. Once together, there was no going back to being on their own.

She had heard and then had seen how being on his own was making him reckless. He was mouthing off to his superiors and disregarding any advice or help anyone gave him. He was lost without someone by his side. She was lonesome and she felt lost too. Their need for each other was powerful.

They were quiet for a while. Her with her thoughts, him with his own. The scene at the bench was perfect. It was a beautiful spring day. She could feel the warmth of the day, see the cherry blossoms on the trees.

“I didn’t mean for that to happen, the way it ended back there. I.. I don’t know what that was, and I didn’t know how to stop it. I’m.. I’m sorry for the pain it caused you,” he said looking at his lap, unable to look in her eyes.

She looked at his profile and could see Mulder. His jawline, how it had looked when he was younger. Skinner’s words about CGB Spender came unbidden into her mind. His claim to William as his own. His stating he was the father of the baby that she had prayed and hoped for. She felt her stomach roll and she was afraid she would be sick.

Jackson whipped his head up and his eyes burned into hers. “NO!” he said emphatically. “No, that is not the truth!”

She looked at him in surprise and he took a breath.

“It’s not the truth,” he said in a calmer tone. “He was not my father. He was a liar above all else. I could see his thoughts, the plans of destruction he would bring. I know you saw it too, because of our connection. The certain future, if he was allowed to have his way.”

He was breathing hard, needing to tell her what he saw. The thoughts and plans that man had wanted and desired.

“He was not my father. Not.. not in the biological sense. No. He whispered to me, like a snake. I could hear him saying I was his creation and it was time to show the world what he had created and what I could do. A “creation.” That is what he called me,” he said, his voice low.

She stared at him, tears in her eyes again. “You were not a “creation.” Not the way he implied. You were created, but not as he said. I refuse to believe that as truth. You were a miracle. My miracle. No, our miracle.”

She looked across the water, trying to keep her voice steady. “I.. I was told I would never be able to have children. Things done to me had left me unable to do so. I honestly had not thought about it much until it was something taken from me,” she said quietly.” I loved my job. It was demanding and challenging. Children didn’t really factor in until.. until I was given a chance to possibly make it happen.”

She stopped, remembering the pain and heartache she felt when it failed. How she had cried and Mulder had held her. How he kept her sane, made her laugh, and took care of her.

William looked and watched her. He shook his head and looked away again. He could feel the love she felt for Mulder.

“We tried. I tried in vitro and it failed. I thought that was it. The universe’s answer was no and nothing could change it. It was my only chance and if that hadn’t worked, nothing would,” she said, closing her eyes.

“Mulder and I.. we..we were not.. well.. not romantically involved..until the seventh year of our partnership. We had reached a point in our personal relationship and well.. it progressed and we had no reason to think we should worry about pregnancy so neither of us..used any..um..” she glanced at him and his ears were pink. She smiled a little at that sight. A sex talk of sorts with her son, how very mom like.

“I started feeling odd, dizzy, sick, not quite myself. I didn’t attribute it to pregnancy, why would I if I had thought I was barren? I passed out at work. At the hospital they ran tests and the truth was revealed,” she looked at him, waiting for him to look at her. “You weren’t planned. There was not a thought that it could happen, but oh.. you were wanted. So wanted and so loved from the first time I heard the words that I was pregnant. Oh..” she started crying, tears running down her face.

“That.. that.. back at the apartment, you didn’t know what that was, of course you didn’t. Those.. were the memories of my darkest days. My days without you, when I didn’t have you in my arms. I.. Jesus, I wanted to die. To never get up again. My heart was broken in millions of tiny pieces. I had failed. I had failed you. I couldn’t keep you safe. I couldn’t protect you. There were so many attempts to harm you. I knew it was just a matter of time before.. before they might kill me to get to you. That you.. would be taken away to become a lab rat. Something to be poked and prodded, and experimented on. I.. I didn’t want that for you. I thought,” she took a deep breath, her tears wetting her shirt as they fell nonstop. “I thought a “normal” unassuming family could care for you. Give you what I couldn’t. Safety and the care that I could not.” 

She looked at her hands, her sobs coming out harder now, tears falling faster and seemingly unending. She took large gulping breaths. She had to tell him something, but she was not sure she could get it out. Not without sobbing. 

“I want you to know..to..be absolutely sure of something. As much as they loved you, my love for you never ended. A part of me died the day I let you go. It created an open wound the festers and hurts. It has never healed. It might feel as if it’s getting better, things are moving forward. Then it opens again and the pain pours out, infecting me with a sickness from which there is no cure,” she paused for a breath, then another, taking a few minutes.

“I am happy..” she stopped again and wiped her eyes. She kept her hands on her mouth and nose, a triangle holding in her sobs. Taking her pain and then letting it go in the wind when she moved. “I am happy you had a mother and father who loved you.” Again she stopped to take a few minutes.

“I want you to know, to understand,” she said turning toward him, tears falling fast again. “Please don’t ever think that you were unwanted, unloved, or tossed aside. I would have died for you, if I knew it meant you were safe. A thousand deaths I would suffer, if I knew you would be safe and happy and whole.”

He had turned away from her but she could hear him crying. Her words sunk in and filled the holes in his heart. He was loved. He had had been so loved, it was true. He had been safe and cared for by his parents and it was all he had needed. Until he had smelled her scent on the breeze.

Those past memories and the faces he could not forget, they had been buried deep inside. After he had left them tonight, he thought about her. He thought about that scent and all the memories tied to it, and how he would be confused by the dreams he had. The sounds, the colors, the faces, and that scent.

When he thought about it tonight, of the past that he had tried to forget or push away because it confused him, he realized he no longer felt it. The overwhelming feeling he felt now, was love. From all the memories, but mostly from her.

He knew he could not let her feel that she had failed him. To believe the things she had said to him when he was in that body bag. He wanted her to know that he had been happy and safe. And that was because of her. Before he can begin to tell her, she begins to speak again.

“After I had given you up..”

“No. Not “given up,” he interrupted, looking at her. “You didn’t “give up.” You were protecting me.”

He nodded once, letting her know the matter was settled. She smiled sadly at him.

“Right, okay,” she agreed. “Once I had seen to your protection, Mulder was found in the desert. They claimed he had murdered someone and he was to be held on trial for his life. It was a lie and a foregone conclusion that he was already guilty. It didn’t matter what anyone said or did, he was going to be punished for his actions. he was sentenced to death by lethal injection.”

She looked out across the water again, taking a deep breath. “With a simple phone call, my whole world fell apart. Again. I had lost you, and I was going to lose the person I loved most in the world.”

She looked down at her hands, folding and unfolding them. Nervous energy spilling from her.

“We worked together, the people from your memories, to get him out of that prison, and he and I escaped. We ran and we didn’t look back. We were on the run for a long time. Never staying in the same place for too long, until finally it was safe to come home. Well, safe enough. Mulder was still wanted, but I was clear. No one could prove I had anything to do with his escape, not unless they outed themselves,” she smiled faintly, thinking of the bind it put some people in, like Kersh.

“I never had a chance to grieve properly for you, to address my guilt about my.. protecting you. I.. I didn’t want to talk about it with Mulder. I felt that he couldn’t possibly understand how I felt. He wasn’t there, he didn’t know. It created a block between us that I didn’t like, yet did nothing about.”

She looked at him and smiled. “We talked tonight. Talked about a lot of things that we should have in the past. Things that would have..” she paused, shaking her head, knowing that conversation had been long overdue. “Anyway, we talked about how we felt. We were both grieving. Both thinking the other had placed blame on what happened. There were a lot of tears and misunderstandings, but we got past it. Together, like we always do. Like we should have done years ago.”

“Can I show you something?” he asked her, suddenly, smiling.

“I don’t want to leave her yet. Can.. can we stay here for a bit still?” she pleaded, not ready for anymore painful memories yet.

“No,” he said, “we won’t leave. I want to show you a feeling.”

He touched her fingers. She closed her eyes and let the feeling wash over her. She felt  the feeling of a breeze, the sound of wind in the trees, the calming feeling it brought her as a child, and even more so as an adult. Contentment. She felt contentment.

He showed her then the visual pictures that were associated with that feeling. Mulder. All Mulder. Him smiling, laughing, touching her face, looking at her. He was her contentment, her peace.

“I wish you could see how you feel when you think of the peacefulness he brings to you. It’s a dazzling yellow,” he told her softly, smiling as he looked around her.

“You can see emotions?” she asked, amazed at what he could do.

“I can. I can see your peace, but also your guilt. I see that you still carry it with you and I want to ask you to let it go,” he said quietly, looking in her eyes. “I’m okay. You saved me and made sure I was as safe as could be expected, considering who I am. But your guilt of what you could have done, what should have been. is still blocking you. You need to let it go to be happy and completely content.”

They sat for a bit. She felt a breeze and it calmed her. Mulder. She asked if they could go home, back to her house. He nodded and smiled. She closed her eyes at his touch and then opened them. They were in the grass outside the house.

“I wish you could have known us, especially your father. He would have had so much fun teaching you all kinds of nonsense. Taken you out hunting for jackalopes, camping under the stars, introduced you to his favorite tv shows,” she smiled sadly, thinking of the memories they would have shared.

“There it is, the darkness of your guilt. I want you to stop thinking that way. I need you to and so does he,” he said, watching her. “I saw the love you two share tonight. The peacefulness you gain from him, it doesn’t compare to the love you two share. It’s blindingly white. It’s the brightest white I’ve ever seen. As if the darkness has been completely pushed out.” He shook his head at the amazingness of it.

“He’s everything to me. It’s been twenty five years and I love him more than ever. He is amazing, brilliant, and driven. He makes me crazy sometimes, but he crept into my heart and he built a home there. I can’t evict him because I would be evicting myself,” she told him. They both smiled at that thought.

“You can’t hear him though, can you?” she asked sadly, looking in his eyes.

“Sometimes,” he said, dropping his eyes to the ground. “It’s weird because I could a little more tonight when I was thinking about him. I could picture him more. See him a bit. I can hear him, but it’s faint. From far away or underwater. Maybe that old man wanted the connection broken or he was blocking him somehow or put up a filter. I’ve seen what they can do. It’s possible.”

She thought of Mulder’s brain experiments done on him by Fowley and that bastard. Could that have been what he was doing? Even then? Setting in motion a plan for her to have a hybrid child? Taking away Mulder’s ability to see visions like he was, because that smoking asshole was jealous and wanted it for himself? He took away Mulder’s ability to see his child. To have that connection. Fuck, is there nothing he would not ruin?

Jackson suddenly came to stand close to her. She felt a peace when he did that. A peace similar to what she felt earlier when he had touched their foreheads together. He asked if he could touch her once more. He had a final thing to show her.

He touched her temples. She saw him seeing her: bent over his bassinet, heard her singing as she looked at him, his fingers wrapped around her finger, the way he felt when she nursed him, the closeness, her heartbeat, her love. 

Then, Jackson growing up. Happy and healthy. Learning to ride a bike, jumping on a trampoline, playing tag. His powers showing themselves. Then the tests, questions, but his parents only allowed so much. They loved him, but were scared of and for him. No one could protect him, not completely. He stopped touching her temples. She was sobbing.

He touched her cheek. “You saved me. You did. I know you still think you failed me, but you saved me. I wanted you to see that I didn’t feel anger toward you. Not then and not now. I don’t want this to sound like anything other than my truth. I didn’t know you to be angry or hurt. I had the memory of your pain remember? I heard you crying. I know what the decision was to you,” he smiled at her. “But..the alternative? If you had kept me with you? I had seen their power, heard of stories, what they had done to their own children. Without my parents, without your decision to attempt to keep me safe, I would have been in a facility, treated like a lab rat. They would have used me to hurt others, possibly to kill for them. An experiment for them to use as they pleased.” 

She gripped his arm as he now touched her face. She felt something different. Felt a weight breaking up inside her and the guilt beginning to float away. He did not hate her, he understood. He believed she saved him.

She nodded at him and he smiled. He took the way out tonight to be free from their clutches. He was here to remove her from her own. To help her let that guilt go once and for all. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and let go. She let go of all the pain, the guilt, and suffering she had carried. Let the wind grab it, and scatter it, never to be found again.

“Yes!” he shouted loudly and spun around, his fists pumping the air. She laughed and cried at the same time. But they were happy tears. Her boy had set her free.

“It’s beautiful.. no more darkness lingering about,” he grinned and she did the same. They stared at each other. They both knew it was time for him to go. He had done what he came to do.

She grabbed his hand and squeezed his fingers. “You take your time, okay? Come to us if and when you are ready. I want to ask one thing if you do, okay? If you do come here, come as you. Please. No pretending to be someone else. Just you. Please.”

He smiled and squeezed her fingers in return. “It’s a promise.”

She let go of his hand and stepped away, heading for the porch. She turned around to say goodbye, but he was gone.

She woke up with a gasp, her eyes flying open. She was back in her bed with Mulder’s arms around her.

“You okay, Scully?” Mulder asked sleepily.

She tried to catch her breath as she looked around the room. Her eyes landed on an item next to her on the bedside table. She sat up and picked it up. It was a snow globe like the one she dropped. She smiled as she realized it had not been a dream. She shook the snow globe upside down and then back over again. She watched the snow falling on the windmill in Kansas.

She slid back into Mulder’s arms and continued to watch as the snow collected around the bottom of the windmill.

Mulder pulled her closer. “You okay, hon?” he said in her ear.

She smiled. “Hon.” He had not called her that in a long time. She turned over with one last look at the snow globe. She burrowed into his arms.

“Yeah,” she said softly with a smile.“I’m okay.” 

Lying safe in his arms, her burden lifted, she felt that five words had never been more true. 

There’s no place like home.