Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Varian, if this doesn’t work, please promise me that you’ll let my mother go.”

“I can’t make any promises, princess.”

Wait… I know what this is.

Varian watches himself as he takes the ends of Rapunzel’s hair and puts it on the end of his drill.

“Wait!” Varian calls out to himself. No one seems to notice him

Varian watches as the drill turns on, desperately wanting it all to stop.

“Ahh!” Rapunzel cries out. Varian tries to help her but no one can see or hear him.

“Stop! Don’t you see? She can’t take it!” The King calls out from where he’s standing, confined by one of Varian’s traps.

Please, PLEASE make it stop! Let her go please! You’re hurting her!

…

I’m hurting her.

He can’t take much more of this. He wants this all to go away, to not remember that this all happened.

Please, I’d give anything for this to all go away. PLEASE!

The scene switches to the final battle in Corona between him and Rapunzel.

“That’s enough Varian.”

Varian had been frighteningly close to squishing both Cassie and the Queen to death.

Would I really have been able to handle that? I love Cassie and Corona needs their queen. I even fainted at the slightest sight of my own blood when I hit my head the first time I met Rapunzel. This is… I made such a mess.

Varian watches as he charges towards Rapunzel in his automaton machine. He knows what happens next. He watches hopelessly, desperately wanting to look away, but he can’t.

He watches as Rapunzel takes hold of the black rocks that stood at both of her sides. He sees her hair glow brighter than he’d ever seen it. He watches as the rocks that surrounded them move at a rapid pace at Rapunzel’s command. Varian watches as his contraption breaks limb by limb as he continues to charge toward Rapunzel. Just as he watches his final attempt to try to crush her right as another black rock strikes out from the ground and impales the last claw of his machine, Varian shuts his eyes tight.

Varian wakes up in a cold sweat, panting heavily, trying to calm his rapid heartbeat after the third nightmare he’s had this week about that very moment in his life, which wasn’t that long ago when you think about it.

I can’t believe everything I almost did. How close I was to actually destroying the very people I love most. The same people who forgave me so quickly, who helped me and brought me along on their adventure. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve any of it. I should be rotting in a dirty prison cell, but instead I’m lucky to have such amazing friends. I can’t believe how awful I was.

“Maybe I still am.” Varian quietly said aloud. A tear silently runs down his cheek.

Varian looks around. Raps and everyone else are sleeping soundly, while he’s trying to calm down.

Maybe I could wake… no. I don’t want any of them to be reminded of what happened either. I can pull myself together by myself. No matter how bad it feels, I deserve all of it. What I did to them… what I almost ended up doing… it’s still unbelievable how they still managed to forgive me.

He still remembers that day, after the battle was over. On the ground, at his lowest point. Feeling so broken and defeated. There was nothing. Everyone must be trying to see if the princess and the queen are okay, meanwhile he’s got nothing but the furry black and white creature who never left his side. But even that wasn’t going to fix anything. He began to cry. He could hear footsteps approaching him, a team of guards no doubt. Then, all of a sudden, he feels a warmth wrap around him. He felt warmth and… hair. Lots of it. He looked up and saw none other than the princess herself hugging him in what felt like the tightest, yet also the most comforting hug ever.

“What are you doing?” He asked through his choked sobs.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for everything, Varian.” Rapunzel whispers. He could tell she was on the verge of tears as well.

Why is she sorry? I’m the one who just almost destroyed all of Corona.

“Prin… Rapunzel, why are you apologizing? You have nothing to apologize for.”

“But I do,” Rapunzel starts. “I have so much to apologize for. For starters I shouldn’t have let those guards throw you out into the storm when you were only asking for help. I know I should’ve done something but I was under so much stress that I guess I was just in such a state of shock and didn’t know what to say or do. And then you had to walk through that snowstorm by yourself! I- I should have at least sent a guard with you so you could get back safely! And then I went out and stopped the snowstorm on a guess that a fairytale might be right. I ended up not checking in on you for months even though I could’ve gone to check up on you or at least sent someone to check up on you. All I did was sulk and think about how much you needed me, when I should’ve done something about it. You just acted on impulse, and I understand. I understand you’re angry and frustrated and just lashed out. In a pretty dangerous way I’ll admit, but nonetheless you’re only fourteen. You didn’t know how to deal with being left all alone with no one to turn to. You were helpless and I should have been there. We should have been there for you. Varian I’m so so sorry.”

At this point, Rapunzel is crying too. Floods of tears streaming down her face. Varian sobbed with her and returned the hug. They stayed like this for a while. Varian apologized as well. They were both apologies that were long overdue. It wasn’t until they broke away from the hug that he realized that Cassie, Eugene, Lance, Pascal, and even the king and queen were there watching the whole thing. They didn’t look mad, but they also didn’t look happy. He would eventually apologize to them too.

***

The whole thing almost didn’t feel real. For better or worse, it was. Varian remembers feeling so much guilt washing over him back then and now here still in the present. He knows what he did was bad. But he also knows just how lucky he is that his friends still forgave him and continue to stick by his side.

Varian closes his eyes once again, remembering the warmth and comfort of that hug, the apologies that were shared, and most of all, the fact that he is forgiven.

END