Chapter Text
To my former love,
I find these words hard to process,
I know that I am the last person you want to hear from but some things just need to be said. You are right in saying that you are the last person I wanted to hear from in any fashion even if some things due need to be said. This is in no way a letter to re-start the arguments that tore us apart but rather an apology letter expressing my feeling. This letter will not go the way you want it to no matter how hard you try. You may not intend to re-start the arguments but that is all it will get out of me. I could not get all the words out in sentences so here is a list detailing my emotions about you and me and us. This letter will not go the way you want it to no matter how hard you try. You may not intend to re-start the arguments but that is all it will get out of me. You are welcome to try again. So now you can put your feelings in words? Where was this during the time we were us?
I am sorry for the times I ever let you done
You mean the thing that you did constantly?
I am sorry for the days I wasn’t there
You were never around. Even when I didn’t want you but still wanted you, you weren’t around.
I am sorry for the days where I wasn’t enough
You were never enough. Even when you were enough, you were too much.
I am sorry for the days I made you feel like crap
You mean the thing you always did unintentionally or not?
I am sorry for the times I made fun of unintentionally
You are very hard to read and understand as such none of it ever seemed unintentional.
I am sorry for the days I made you the butt of a joke or jest you didn’t deserve
Again, another thing you did constantly my dear.
I am sorry for the days I was a bitch to you
Why are you doing this? You never changed or are going to change.
I am sorry for the days where I didn’t seem like I loved you
You always made me feel like this.
I am sorry for being the one person you have to rely on some days and I was not available
YOU WERE NEVER AROUND!
I am sorry for choosing to be selfish at times
Me too, we were never really good together were we? Two selfish people.
I am sorry for not understanding what you’re trying to say at times during important discussions
I believe some of this may be my fault actually. We are similar in some regards but we have very different and conflicting interests.
I am sorry for seeming and or being a liar, a fake, and a scamp at times when you don’t deserve me
This goes for the both of us I think.
I am sorry on the basis of how much time you’re willing to spend with me but I constantly shut you down
Half the time it was because I am a needy person while you are not. You like being solitary, I due too to an extent but not as much as you.
I am sorry and deeply regret making you angry at me at times
I was not in and still am not in a sound mind.
I am sorry for never replying to your text and calls even though I almost always should
You are too much of a solitary creature
I am sorry for you for loving someone like me
I am not.
I am not sorry for being myself
You shouldn’t be
I am not sorry for being morally ambiguous
Yes you should be.
I am sorry for never trying to make the most of our time together
Conflict of interest and emotions.
I am sorry for never letting you know whether I was your angel or a devil
You were both in the best way
I am sorry that you thought of me as a demon
Never fully
I am sorry for being a hypocrite but so were you at times
This I will not deny
I am sorry that your family never loved you, me, or us together
So am I
I am sorry for being human
You shouldn’t be
I hope that this list and these words bring you closure or some sort of clarity into my mind about us. But I will never apologize for yelling at you when you snapped at me from being too stressed at your family.
They have and haven’t, most of it was just reiterating points I already knew and were too afraid to admit myself. You should and shouldn’t for that, you brought many points that were and are still hurtful for me. But you also brought many thing to light. I am sorry for many things as well.
Regards,
And to you as well,
K
A