Archive of Our Own ^beta

I don’t know how Gen convinced me to go to this party.

It’s not like we’re close enough friends for her to play that card, and her break up with Peter was almost two months ago, long enough for her to be unable to use that excuse as well.

Honestly, she probably just asked. Gen is Gen and when she wants something she gets it.

I just don’t know why she wants me to go to this party. It’s Gabe Rivera’s back to school party and he hosted one every year since the start of highschool. Weirdly enough, I’ve been to every one of them whether it be with Gen freshmen year or Chris sophomore year (the non college party she attended that year). Now we’re junior’s and I’m back with Gen, maybe next year I’ll go with Chris and the circle will be completed, though I doubt it, Chris doesn’t really do high school parties anymore.

Once upon a time, Gen and I were best friends, but then high school happened-- it’s still happening actually-- and we drifted apart. We’re friends, I guess, but nowhere near as close as we were when we were younger.

Actually, I think I do know why Gen wants me to go to this party: to be the designated driver. If that is the case, then the joke’s on her because I can not drive to save me life.

We’re in her car. Some Shawn Mendes song is playing on the radio and I can tell that Gen wants to sing along. Maybe she does when she’s alone, but around others she so self conscious of her voice. When we were younger, not even Peter’s participation could get her to join Choir.

She turns the music down a little, “So I got a new boyfriend,” she says as though he’s an object instead of a person, “He’s in college and really hot. We met at a party a few weeks ago.”

I want to ask if he’s hotter than Peter, or make a comment on how she moved on fast, but who knows how she’d react. Knowing Gen it could be anything from laughter to her throwing me out of the car.

“That’s cool.” I say instead, “Good for you.”

She nods, eyes on the road, “Yep. It’s nice to move on. I feel like I was tethered down for so long with… you know.” She can’t say his name. Everyone knows that she’s the reason they broke up, that she cheated on him countless times and he finally noticed.

I nod as if I understand, as if my first and only boyfriend didn’t move away a few weeks after we started dating. I’m not even really sure if it counts as dating. John Ambrose and I were only in 8th grade, though, Gen and Peter started going out in 7th grade and everyone always counts that.

The car ride from my house to Gabe’s luckily isn’t that far, so I don’t have to endure Gen’s chatter about her new boyfriend for long. When we arrive, Gen leaves me the moment we enter the front door. I can’t say I’m not surprised.

Just like the last two years, I head over to the couch and pull out my phone in an attempt to look less awkward. This happens every time, and I’m sad to say that some part of me almost expected it to be different. I don’t even know what I was thinking.

It’s like this for a little while. I scroll through my entire instagram feed twice and see that little ‘all caught up’ banner that I feel like is just there to mock me. Then, weirdly enough, Peter Kavinsky approaches me, two drinks in hand.

I don’t even notice him until he’s right in front of me asking, “You want a coke?” I stare at him. We haven’t talked since right after his break up with Gen, and even then it was about some party we all went to back in 7th grade. “I grabbed one from the kitchen for Gabe but he’s sorta busy right now.” Peter points over to the kitchen counter where Gabe and some girl are making out. “And I know it’s your favorite type of soda, so I just thought…”

I nod and smile. The fact that he even remembers that from when we were little surprises me, but I guess Peter Kavinsky is always surprising me, “Yeah sure, thanks.”

Peter grins back and sits down next to me, “You excited for school?” Here he goes again, surprising me once more. There’s gotta be something better for Peter to do at this party then talk to me, but I go along with it.

“Yeah, I guess. Junior year is supposed to be insane, though, you know, with all the college applications and stuff.”

He nods, “Same. I’m excited, though. Made team captain for lacrosse.”

It goes on like this for I don’t even know how long. At first, I’m not even really trying, barely holding up my end of the conversation because at some point I know he’s going to spot someone else that he’s closer with and leave. Only, he never does, and at some point in time I become just as enthusiastic as him.

Then Gen suggests spin the bottle. I don’t know why she did, she seems a little drunk, actually, so maybe that’s why, but I doubt it because then I notice her eyeing Peter.

“That’s so 7th grade though,” someone says, but Gabe shouts yes and grabs an empty beer bottle off of the counter.

“You wanna…” Peter gestures out towards the floor where everyone remaining at the party is starting to gather. Now that I look around, there’s not all that many people left meaning that it’s probably starting to get late. I should actually look at the time and head home.

But Peter’s been here with me all night practically, so I say yes.

He sits down next to Gabe and I almost sit down next to him but then I see Gen beckoning me towards her. I look between them, but Gen is my ride, and I really want to be getting out of there. Plus, I’m still across from him, so it’s not like we’re that far away.

Gabe goes first and gets some girl who I think is in our grade, then it’s the girl he was making out with earlier, and then senior guy who I sat next to in chemistry. After that, it’s me.

I’m starting to regret everything now, letting Gen convince me to ever come to this party, not leaving earlier, letting Peter convince me to play this stupid game, but now it’s too late to bow out so I have to go through with it.

I spin it. It’s like it’s moving in slow motion, trying to decide my fate.

And then it lands on Peter Kavinsky.

He grins over at me and I offer him a small smile back before looking to Gen to make sure it’s really, truly alright because she is my friend and he is her ex.

She rolls her eyes as if to say she doesn’t care, though, deep down, I can tell that she does, even if it’s only a little.

“Come one Lara Jean,” someone says and I look back down at the bottle, wondering why it chose Peter out of all the people here.

Deep breath.

Then I lean forward and kiss him.

It’s meant to be short and sweet, but somehow it becomes something else entirely. Peter’s leaning forward too, his lips slightly parted, slowly deepening the kiss. Some part of me never wants it to end.

Only then someone whistles and another person claps and I’m pulling away from his and his lips as quickly as possible.

I stand up, “Well that was fun, but I’m going to get going now. See you all later.” Then start walking towards the door. They’re spinning the bottle again, it’s Gen’s turn, but I’m too afraid to look back. I don’t even know how I’m going to get home until Peter surprises me again and beats me to the door.

“Want a ride?” He asks. My eyes widen. “Gen was your ride here, right.” I nod, “And she is in no state to drive, and still playing that game.”

I purse my lips and nod my head once more, “That’d be great, actually. It’s too far out of your way, right?”

Peter shrugs and says, “It’s like seven minutes away, barely anything.” before opening the door for me. It’s weird, tonight, hanging out with Peter felt like something straight out of 7th grade when him and I were almost as close as Gen and I.

The car ride back to my house, though, is pretty silent. Every once in awhile I’ll take a peak over Peter until we accidentally make eye contact. After that I stick to staring at my lap or the dashboard.

The seven minute drive to my house feels so much longer with the silence. It’s probably the kisses fault because before that we had no problem talking. Ugh, the kiss, why did it have to be so great, why does everything about Peter Kavinsky have to be so great?

It takes forever, but finally we arrive at my house. I turn to him and say, “Thanks for the ride,” before turning back around and moving to get out of the car. Only, before I can, Peter pulls me back.

“Wait, Lara Jean.” He almost looks like he’s surprised he ever said anything.

“Yeah?”

He smiles, “I had a lot of fun tonight talkin to you.”

I smile back, “Me too.” And maybe I’m feeling brave or something, but then I lean forward and kiss him. And he kisses me back.

It’s uncomfortable, though, me having to lean forward like that with the cup holder digging into my stomach, so it’s not a long kiss, but it’s a good kiss nonetheless.

“See you tomorrow morning for coffee?” He asks. Part of me, a small of part of me that’s so incredibly nervous about anything even sort of revolving romance is nervous, but most of me is still in shock from that kiss, and really this night in general.

So I nod, “Yeah, that sounds great.” And I can’t help but feel like this is the start of something amazing.