Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Ok, so..." Stan trailed off, trying to make conversation, but at this point, every attempt seemed futile. For the past several weeks the five of you have been trying to not make their summer hangouts together awkward- or, really, their whole friendship with each other. Things had already begun to get uncomfortable when one boy confessed how they felt, but all four? It was a little crazy and a lot to take in. And what would you tell them...god, that was a whole other story.

"I'd understand if you liked boobs if you were a lesbian." Kenny offered a suggestion to the situation, earning strange looks from everyone, especially you. 

"I'm not a-" you begin to say, however you're interrupted by Eric's loud voice.

"Okay, nope. That's gross, she's not a lesbian."

"How do you know, you didn't even let her-" Kenny tries to continue the discussion with him, only to be cut off- and might I add, rather rudely- by the redhead of the group.

"She's not a lesbian guys." Kyle piped up. Everyone looks to you for a confirmation, clearly taking this matter far too seriously. 

"I'm not a fucking lesbian, I like you guys, okay?" 

"In a friend way, or?" This time Stan speaks up, offering more to the conversation.

"No, I mean, yes. I do." you watch as their faces drop, you really had to get better at telling others how you felt. "But, like, I like you guys, more than..." your face begins to heat up, so you hide your face in your legs, awkwardly mumbling the next thing. "God, you know, more than friends."

After that, some of them still look at you confused, which you understood since they were all a bunch of idiots sometimes, but this was really taking the cake. 

"I have romantic feelings, okay?"

"For..."Cartman drawled out the 'r', waiting for you to speak again. Secretly he hoped you'd say Cartman, but not exactly like that. How you always say it, with his first name, Eric, not his last name that everyone seems to tease him with. But of course your not gonna say that you always are the most unexpected. With what you say, with what you do, it's just who you are. Despite how shy and what a dork you could be- it was something Cartman always admired about you.

"All of your dumb asses." The room was stuck in silence, everyone a little unsure of what to say. You finally got out and said it, but it would probably just end up making the whole situation ten times worse. Summer vacations were meant to be fun, not...not whatever this was turning out to be.

"God..."Stan grumbled, understanding fully what you said, but still being completely unsure of what to do in this situation. "How the fuck is that gonna work?" 

All eyes were on Stan now, except you, who had looked to the ground, a little ashamed of your actions. He seemed to notice that though, as he added, "N-not that your feelings aren't valid, or anything." 

You smiled reassuringly towards him, trying to show him- in some sorta 
you-way- that it was fine that he reacted that way. 

It was back to a quiet, awkward circle. The only thing different was Kenny's intrigued look.

"Y'know, this could work." he mumbled, and in a sudden burst of energy, "just think about it!" 

You'd never thought that this many of the guys would be on board with such a crazy idea. I mean, yes, you had heard of threesomes from porn(and also Ken), but things like that were never anything more than sex. A whole relationship with more than two people? It was unheard of, but nonetheless, you sorta fancied the idea. 

You still were a little nervous though, what would Eric and Kyle think? If it came to it, the two of them would be the hardest to persuade, even if you (probably) wouldn't do that, it was true that the two of them were highly opinionated. And they stood by what they believed in and fought against what they didn't. And you liked that about them- even if you didn't see eye to eye with Eric on some of his views- you still liked them.

After- what looked like semi-peaceful contemplation- Kyle finally spoke up. 
"I'm in with..." he paused, unknowing of what words to use, unaware of any terms to explain what this 'thing' was. "I'm in with this, with us. What about you, fatass?" 

"God damn it, whatever, fine. This works for me." Cartman- still feeling irked by Kyle's 'nickname'- began to concoct a brilliant idea. 

- 

Several hours later, you found yourself standing in front of Safeway, a bunch of plastic straws in hand. Your warm breath creating clouds in the cool night air, it had been a solid half hour, and still, no one seemed to be showing up any time soon. 

"Jesus, when is everyone gonna get here?" you grumbled to yourself, wrapping your thin jacket closer to your body, trying to keep just a little warmer. Even after so many years, you still hadn't gotten used to South Park, Colorado's weather. You almost never came prepared. At summer swim parties, you came bundled in thick coats, earmuffs, and fuzzy socks- sometimes even forgetting to bring the bathing suit. And in the fall, heading to Stan's house to hang out in the treehouse, you'd be wearing a tank top and shorts, and- on several occasions- even flip flops!

"Hey, you gotta start coming prepared, I'm not always gonna be here with my big, warm, puffy jacket." Quickly, Kenny comes around the corner, nearly tripping into the shopping carts. When he gets back up to your feet, he taunts you with his bright orange article of clothing.

"Seriously, Kenny, I'm cold." He rolls his eyes, placing an arm around your shoulders.

"Is that better?"He questions, cocking his eyebrow at you. You offer a kind smile to him, before cuddling into his chest.

"Yeah, thanks Ken," you mumble, your voice, however, muffled by Kenny's jacket.

"What if the others don't come?" the question popped up, suddenly making you a little nervous, worrying over the situation.

"Then more for me to love, I guess," he replies jokingly, holding you close. You can't take much of that though, as you push away from him, brows furrowed in anger.

"I really want this to work, Kenny. Don't fucking make fun of the situation, it's important, you asshole!" Kenny seemed a little taken aback by this, he meant no harm with his joke, and now knowing that you didn't like that kind of laugh, he'd never do it again. He apologizes, telling you that they'd probably be coming around the corner soon. It was enough to earn a smile from you, though, which made him smile, too.

Only a minute or two later- still feeling that maybe they had given up on this dumb idea- Stan comes a running over, Kyle following in suit. Both holding their knees, panting. 

"Hey, look who decided to show up!" Kenny gives you a bit of a look, trying to tell you somehow that it was okay, everything- somehow -turned out fine. You giggle at his expression, moving from his hold and into Kyle's arms, giving him a small- but adoring- hug.

"I thought you guys would never come," you tell the SBFs*, almost shamefully. "I was getting a little worried, it's been more than half an hour, you two!" 

"Yeah, sorry (Y/n)." Stan breathed out, you could see sweat dribble down I his forehead, they must have run here from their houses. 

"I was helping Stan with some stuff, and we lost track of time." You're about to joke about it being 'Wendy related stuff', but before you even get her name out, you realize how inappropriate that now was. You only smile softly to yourself- as you still found it funny- going in for a hug with Stan.

"So...can we start?" Kenny pipes up.

"Kenny, will you stop it? Eric isn't here yet!" Kenny always found ways to get under your skin and irritate you, even if he didn't mean to. Most would have thought Cartman did that to you, as he does to everyone. But Cartman was kind, in his own...unique way. He still said things that made you a little sick sometimes, or wanna make you punch him in the face, but who didn't make you feel like that sometimes? As for Ken, though, he never meant to hurt you with his comments. He cared for you, a lot, even if he didn't always show it. He and Cartman were a lot alike, sometimes. Even if neither of them would ever admit it, it was true.

"Sorry."He mumbles, combing a hand through his dirty locks. 

"Anyways, what's with you guys? Where's Cartman?" Kyle questions.

"Eager now, are we." Kenny lets out a chuckle, which earns a small glare from Kyle. "Yeah, were-"

"Were fine." you finish, getting Kenny to wrap his arm around you, as you beamed at Kyle and Stan. "I'm just really nervous about this...and I think Ken is, too."

"All of us are probably a little nervous, by now, at least."Stan pipes up. As you think that he might have been feeling a little left out in the conversation, a new booming voice joins in.

"Oh, Eric!" You squeal out, running from Kenny's hold to give Cartman a hug. He tries to put on the display of not liking your hug and really hating it, but he always loved your hugs. They were the best. "Okay, you guys ready to start?" 

Stan throws up his hand with a pair of scissors in his grasp, and you hold up your pack of straws. 

"Does everyone remember the deal?"

"One season with (Y/n) per person."

"Eh, pretty much the same thing." 

You cut a handful of straws to various lengths, holding them out to the group. Your hands a little shaky, as you were very nervous. It had only been earlier that day, that the five of you were in the middle of another scary awkward hang out when the plan was proposed. It still seemed so surreal.

"Who wants to go first?" you shake the straws in your hand, offering them to each member. 

Kenny timidly goes for a pink straw, and it was almost a full at length. Ken gives a pretty self-assured smile. Next, is Kyle, he chooses a green one, which to him must have looked promising since his face fell considerably when he noticed the length of his straw. Or, lack of length in this case. It was small and green, and it bent in his hands in frustration. He just hoped Cartman would pick one shorter than his. 

After Kyle, was Stan. He looked at each on in thought, then hastily picked a pink one. It was just under the length of Kenny and Kyle's combined. But still not quite the length of a real straw. He was proud to see his wasn't the shortest, though. And lastly, Cartman, who took a good five minutes before someone yelled at him to pick already, and picked the longest straw. Stan looked wide-eyed, a little panicked. Kyle angry, and Kenny and you surprised. 

"I," you let out a shaky laugh, "I guess your starting." Kenny smiles in triumph towards the other three boys. Ken knows Eric wants Summer, and just to spite him, he says it. Cartman looks livid as Kenny smirks at him, but knows you would be upset if the two of them fought(it doesn't happen often, normally the fighting was left to Kyle and Eric, but you didn't quite appreciate any the fighting all of them did). "Okay, uh, Cartman, it's your turn." 

"What do you pick?"Stan replies anxiously. Eric begins to say Fall, but notices Stan's excited look on his face, and quickly changes to-

"Winter! Winter!" 

"Alright, Stan, you ready?" He nods, and replies with Fall, albeit a little sad. That left you with Kyle. 

"You got Spring, dude." 

Chapter Text

It had been a wild ride from awkward summer hangouts, to shy kisses on the lips and strange walks on far-off beaches. You'd been dating your best friends for almost two years. It was still a little hard to believe that, well, this was a thing! This was real! Your parents and other kids at school didn't know yet, you've been keeping it fairly secret, but everyone does seem to know that you guys- you guys are off limits. Kenny's always bragging about this 'mystery girl' he met during vacation, telling others about your dates and silly stories, and the only ones who knew Kenny's secret were you and him, and the other three boys.

You sorta loved this little secret you had with them, but it also kind of hurt that you couldn't tell others about it, because of a fear of judgment. There was bound to be misunderstandings, too, and you still weren't sure quite exactly what this was. How would you explain it to others?

"Hey, you feelin' alright?" Cartman looks up from the video game the two of you have been playing, his eyebrows all scrunched up in worry.

"Sorry, babe. Did I get distracted again?" you look over to him, setting your controller down.

"Yeah, you did." He grumbles, probably a little upset that your mind had been wandering off in the time together with him.

"Anyway I can make it up to you?" you smile towards him, shortly after following up with, " Maybe we can do something special for our last day, tomorrow."

He ponders this idea, then replies, "Sure. But we have to finish this fucking game first."

"Will do, I'm gonna beat your ass, dude!" Your smile grows as you press play on the game.

"Not unless I beat yours first!" Cartman yells back, getting into the game again. You notice he's a few laps ahead of you in Mario Kart, your never gonna beat him...unless.

"Dude." You smirk, keeping your eyes on the game, you acquire a blue shell.

"What?" he doesn't look away from the game.

"I love you!" You exclaim, throwing the blue shell, and speeding past him. He looks away from the game, embarrassed and flustered. When he finally looks up again, your on the same lap as him, just a little behind.

"Fucking bitch!" you giggle, passing him. Soon though, he's hot on your tail and looks like he's gonna throw something your way. You almost reach the finish line, but then Cartman throws a banana, slightly surprising you as you spin out of control. He finishes the game a little before you do.

"I won, I fucking won!"

"You say that like your surprised."

"What? No, of course, I won." He flusters again, it was so easy to do that, you loved teasing him. You're about to say something else when you hear your phone ringing. The name reads "Kyle B.", you'd think that the 'B' would mean Broflovski, but it Cartman's book, it meant bitch. You let out a small laugh, taking the phone call.

"(Y/n), another round?" Cartman asks as you send a small frown in his direction. You loved him, but he could be very rude sometimes.

"Just a moment, Eric, I'm on the phone." you turn your attention back to your phone. "As you were saying, Kyle?"

"Stan and Kenny are in the hospital right now. They-"

"Oh my god, are they okay?" you practically yell into the phone, Kyle winces on the receiving end.

"Yes, sort of. They-"

"Why are they in the hospital, what happened?"Cartman's ears seem to perk up at hospital, he looks at you in a bit of worry(as how clearly panicked and stressed you were looking).

"They both broke an arm, doing some dumb thing. It was Kenny's idea I think, and he somehow got Stan roped into it, too."

"Oh god, I'm going over there." You end the call, staring at Cartman now.

"Stan and Kenny are in the hospital, they broke their arms." You reply to Cartman, clearing up any and all questions he had on the matter.

"God, what fucking idiots!"Cartman exclaims. You smile at Cartman, unable to keep a straight face.

"I know, right? I wonder what they did to get into this trouble." You giggle, grabbing your stuff and Eric's keys. You'd have to wait for another day for that rematch with Cartman.

* *

"What dumb shit did you guys do this sometime?" You ask the boys, sitting on a chair next to the bed Kenny was laying in. Stan was in the bed next to Kenny's, good thing they were in the same room. You didn't want to have to visit these dumb-asses twice. You kid on that though, you loved them, you'd tolerate finding the two separate rooms to see if they were alright. They both had a cast on, and they were covered in small bruises, scratches, and band-aids

"Haha, funny story, actually-"Kenny begins, and you, rather rudely, but definitely wanted(since some people do love hearing you talk), interrupt.

"It's not funny if you get hurt. Though I do find this hilarious."You look at him, gesturing for him to carry on.

"Anyways, we wanted to go sledding, but we didn't want to go all the way back to Stan's house, so we borrowed-"

"More like stole," Kyle grumbled.

"So, we borrowed," Kenny puts air quotations- to the best of his ability- when he says borrowed again. He hadn't even finished his story, and you were already worried they had stolen a sled from a stranger. "A trash can! And then sled with that."

"We crashed, though," Stan adds.

You run a hand down Kenny's face, placing a kiss on his cheek.
"You feelin' alright, baby?"

"Yeah, hooked up on pain medicine."

"Okay, glad your alright."

"Do I get a real kiss? It'd make me feel better."

"Kenny, it's Eric's day. I'm not kissing you yet, maybe when you're out of here." You get up from your seat and walk over to Stan's bed.

"Love, you alright?" Stan nods, you kiss his nose. He face reddens, and he mumbles a small, "not around them".

"Alright, alright. If you say so. Anyways, you two, don't do anything stupid while I'm gone." You look over to Kyle, "Are you staying?"

"For a bit." He responds.

"Alright, you got that? Don't cause trouble for Kyle while I'm gone, I'll see you two in a few days at school. Me and Eric we'll be leaving soon, we've got some unfinished business to get to." Kenny smirks at you, raising his eyebrows a little.

"I know exactly what you mean." you had no idea what he meant at first, and then the sudden realization hits.

"Oh. Ohh, oh no. Not that, not that, Kenny. I meant I gotta beat him in a round of Mario Kart, not, for the love of god, not that, Kenny." You rush out your words, feeling very flustered. You were in your sophomore year of high school, and you had never had sex with anyone. You were a little ashamed to admit it. The closest thing to sex you had ever gotten, was once with Kenny, you were making out, and he touched your boob(though you were wearing a bra). You felt ashamed and far too nervous to have it though.

"Anyways, were gone now, bye!" You yell, dragging Cartman along with you. Why do you have to feel so scared by the idea of sex?

By the time you had gotten back to Cartman's house, you had already formulated a plan for tomorrow. Cartman flopped on his bed, while you lay beside him, absent minded-ly twirling his hair in your fingers. You just wanted to curl up by his side and fall asleep, but you had to check in with him about the idea first, but then- back to bed for the both of you!

"So, "You trail off, Cartman's attention leans towards you- instead of the sleep he desperately yearned for. "Eric, I was thinking, for tomorrow, we'd spend all day together..." you look in his eyes, searching for a look of approval, which he then gives you. "And then maybe head around to the hospital, pick up the dorks, and maybe go out for dinner, or, I don't know, something special."

You wait a few minutes, tapping your fingers softly against Cartman's chest. You can feel his breathing, hard and heavy, and a little bit angry. Quickly, you sit up on your elbow.

"What's up, Eric?" you question shyly. Awaiting his response, you feel your heart beat quicken.

Normally, Cartman loved when you said Eric. But now- right now- it only made him angry. Why did he have to create such a stupid plan when he was younger? Now, don't get him wrong, he loved the outcome of the plan, a lot. He loved you and being with you, but he wasn't crazy about having to share you with everyone else. He tolerated the separate seasons, and almost sort of enjoyed the time apart from you. Since he didn't have to be in relationship mode all the time- he could just be the stupid asshole he is. But when it was someone's season, did they really need to all hang out together- as a couple?

"Do we have to?" he grumbles, his eyebrows furrowed, and his face all scrunched up.

"Well, we don't have to, it was just-"

"Okay, then that's great. We should go out, for dinner." He closes his eyes, smiling as he imagines the date.

"Alright, that's fine." you mumble, feeling a little shot down. Your mouth a frown and your brows furrowed, you liked him, of course, but sometimes he made you sad.

"Yeah, that's great, babe," he mumbles, dozing off now.

"Love you," you whisper, laying your head on his chest once more. You didn't feel alright, you felt like crying. Everything was not 'all good'.

Chapter Text

You awoke the next morning, curled up like a cat. Your eyes were groggy, and your hair unkempt. Cartman was no longer beside you. A sense of panic surged through you, as your eyes shot open, and you shot up. Your eyes swarmed the room until they settled on Eric, who was next to his dresser, slipping a shirt on.

"Morning," you mumble, rubbing your eyes gently. Eric looks around startled, giving you a part annoyed, though most of an "I'm so fucking glad to see you" face.

"How long have you been up?" you ponder.

"Not much, an hour or so. Supposedly."

"Supposedly? What is this shit, supposedly?" you giggle uncontrollably, a laugh or two bursting through.

"You slept well?" you're about to respond as you remember the night before. Shaking your head away from your initial thoughts, you finally look back towards Eric.

"Yeah, yeah I did."

"Great."

"Wanna do somethin' special, Eric?" Cartman almost melts away at how you say his name. He smiles inwardly. Eventually, he finishes getting dressed and then heads to the bathroom.

"Talk when I get out, okay?" you smile, having a good feeling about this day.

Shortly, Cartman is done in the bathroom and joins you at the side of the bed. You snuggle up next to him, laying your head on his lap.

"So, what's this special thing you speak of?" He smiles down at you, wrapping strands of your hair around his finger.

"Well, I don't know, last day of winter. Maybe we can go out, have some fun in the snow," you giggle softly, looking up at Eric, who's cheeks were rosier than Rudolph's nose. Most people wouldn't take Cartman for the kind of guy to blush around a girl, but with you, he could be doing anything, and he'd feel great just hanging out with you. "So," he continues, "what do you say?"

For a brief moment you consider bringing up last night's idea, but as much as you craved for that to be a reality, you didn't want another repeat. You would just have to be content with what Eric had in store. "Dinner, too?"

He's smiling at you, leaning down to peck your forehead. In return you smile, Cartman loves your smile, he's happy just knowing you're there every time he sees it. "Yeah, dinner too. But first," he begins, and you give a small, perplexed face, wondering what he's going to say next. "You need to get up." 

Then he's out of bed and fixing up breakfast for the two of you. You chuckle to yourself, and for once, you find yourself appreciating every second of his antics. Today would be a good day. 

Swinging your legs over the mattress, you steady yourself on the ground, and then get yourself dressed and ready for the day as well. About a quarter of an hour later, your downstairs, and sitting with Cartman at the table. The two of you spend a good while chatting and eating breakfast, before finally slipping shoes on, and heading out for the day. 

The first stop was Stark's pond, which you spent a few hours ice skating at. Also slipping, and goofing off with each other. Luckily for you two, there appeared to be none of your fellow classmates, so you were able to be free to act more as a couple. 

Even though you had been dating the four boys for about a year an a half(as of this upcoming summer it would be two years), and everyone in the relationship felt reasonably stable, none of you felt ready to come out as a...relationship. So, you often were very secretive about it, and did nothing more than hold hands or hug in public.

The next part of the day was spent drinking cocoa and throwing snowballs at each other, and lastly, after going back to get changed again, Cartman took you out for dinner. It wasn't too expensive, as both of you are in high school, but you knew he was trying to show you that he could treat you like a lady. Or, you know, something along those lines. The day ended with you kissing Cartman goodbye at his house, then walking back to your own(even after Cartman pleaded for you to let him drive you home).

Sunday evening, the day after your events with Eric, you joined Kyle in a celebratory pizza dinner in honor of almost two years together. You were hauled up in his room so his folks wouldn't see the two of you doing anything normal friends wouldn't. Kyle's sitting on the bed where his back is up against the pillows lining the wall, and his legs are long across the length of the bed. You're sat in between his legs, laying your head against his chest as you entangle your legs with his. Both of you are munching on pizza and telling each other how they've been the past week. 

"And how are the boys doing?" You question since you knew Kyle had been visiting the boys at the hospital longer than you were able to.

"They're fine. Kenny, as he puts it, is hooked on pain medicine, so he's happy," Kyle begins, both of you chuckling at the Ken bit. "And, Stan's doing fine. I think they both miss you though." He sighs, kissing the top of your head and holding you loosely in his arms.

"Yeah, you think so?" you mumble, feeling almost a little embarrassed, for nearly no reason at all. You were a complex character, sometimes you portrayed your love as fierce and confident, and other times you were quiet and far more bashful. You often found yourself noticing the little details about yourself and your partners, like how when talking to Cartman you'll use his real name and be more intimate, and gentle, but you also used several more cuss words around Eric than you did anyone else, except for possibly Kenny.

"Yeah, I do think so. Even I missed you." Your love with Kyle was a little different, you never cussed, and sometimes a simple 'I love you' would be hidden with stutters and soft mumbling. While you were intimate with Eric as well with Kyle(and the other boys), you found this aspect with Kyle at least a little different. "Do you know why I missed you?" he nudges your head with yours, and you look up gently, your eyes bright and curious.
"'Cause I love you," he whispers, placing a small kiss to your lips.

Your face flushes a bright fiery red, nearly matching Kyle's hair. Shyly, you bring your head up to match your lips with his again, and it feels perfect, your lips melting into each other. The pleasant moment is quickly ruined though, as a slight knock makes you jump and fall off the bed. Neither of you can respond, before Ike, Kyle's younger brother, opens the door. This seemed to happen every time you were over, and as Ike was probably around the age of a 7th or 8th grader, over time, he appeared to be closer to catching on what was going on with you two.

Kyle stays quiet, trying to regain his composure from the kiss. While you sat on the floor looking like nothing had ever happened. 

"Did you need somethin', Ike?" you ask for Kyle, knowing he was undoubtedly still embarrassed. 

"Uh, yeah," Ike gives a weird look towards his brother but then returns his attention back to you. "Mom wanted to invite you to dinner with us."

"Tonight?" you question and Ike gives you a look of absolute disbelief back.

"Yes," he responds, almost mocking you with an 'of course' sort of tone.

"And that was it?" Kyle finally speaks up, undoubtedly wanting to go back to his previous activities. Ike replies with another 'yeah,' and rolls his eyes at him. 

"Bye, (Y/n)," Ike mumbles, closing the door and walking away, presumably downstairs or to his room. You turn over to look at Kyle, propping your arm up on the frame of the bed. 

"So," you begin to trail off, almost losing confidence halfway through, before trying again. "Dinner, huh?" you ask.

"You don't have to, you know," Kyle says in return.

"But what if-"

"What if my mom finds out about us?" his voice comes out hushed and somewhat shrill. Part of you wants to say maybe you're ready to be found out, but you've had enough of getting your ideas shot down for a while. 

"'We'll just act as friends, how we used to before all this. We can do that, right?" 

"That feels like forever ago."

"C'mon, it'll be easy, we can do it." you try to reassure him on this plan, but in all honesty, you weren't quite sure if you yourself could do it. Kyle only gives you silence in return, and the blatant doubt radiating off of him, causes you to doubt yourself as well. "Yeah, maybe we can get a raincheck on it, do it some other time."

Kyle replies with "sure," and then you climb back up the bed and into Kyle's lap. He feels so soft and warm, you could almost fall asleep in his arms. And you do, for a while. Then he wakes you, nudging you gently. You kiss him goodbye, walking downstairs, and apologizing to Sheila, telling her you'd have to have dinner some other time. Then your gone, and the warmth from Kyle's skin is still lingering, and you smile, feeling so fucking happy. 

But next thing you know, you're back to your own house, and even thoughts of Kyle can't shake this sad feeling you have. You're alone, even with all these people around you.

Chapter Text

I never liked when it rained, and this particular day was no different. Yesterday was almost perfect, I had spent the day with Kyle, lazing around in his arms, and talking about the weather and other trivial subjects. Except, of course, the topic of Stan and Kenny, who had broken their arms several days previous. The boys often made me far more worried than I, or anyone else, should ever have to be, but that was just a part of loving them. 

Today it rained like no day before it. It came in loud, thunderous roars, pelting against the rooftops. The longer it went, the harder it got, to the point that I had thought my ceiling may collapse, but I vigorously shake that thought away before it gets any worse. I spend a good part of the morning lying in bed, wishing and wishing for the rain to end. I check the time on my phone, I'd be missing the bus if I didn't get up soon-  I would have to walk in the rain, this thought making me shudder.

I hesitantly untuck myself from my bed, tiptoeing out and retrieving a pair of underwear and pants, and a (f/c) tee, and black socks, from my dresser drawer. I quickly change, ducking out of my bedroom and downstairs to the kitchen. My folks wouldn't be home till much later, so they weren't much of a bother right now. Grabbing a bag of bread, and slipping out the last two pieces, possibly the worst of the sections- end pieces- and slide them into the toaster. While I'm waiting for my toast, I pack my backpack for school, y'know, with standard boring school stuff. Binders and books, history and sciences and math, god, you name it, for whatever reason every student would seem to have it.

A sharp ding from the toaster reverberates in my ear, as I grab my two slices, and slap butter and jelly on them. I head towards the door, rechecking the time. A sigh of relief escapes me, I'd have just enough time to make it to the bus in time, thank god.

I think of Kenny when I finally step outside, he loves the rain, he could walk all day in it. Maybe he didn't have the money for rain gear, but he'd go out still, becoming drenched- soaked to the bone. I giggle lightly at that last comment, as I barely manage to reach my destination on time. Eric, Kyle, Stan, and Kenny all stand at the bus stop, Eric and Kyle are fighting, while the latter of the four boys stay relatively quiet,  except for a bit of side conversation and several points of interjection are made throughout the fight. Three of the boys have umbrellas, while Kenny, like me, has none.

I adjust my scrappy (F/c) backpack, "Hey guys," I wave towards the four boys. Kyle stopping his fight for a mere second to greet me. I stand next to Stan and Kenny, joining their conversation. 

"Hey, what are they fighting about?"

"I don't know," Ken mumbles into his jacket, "Probably something stupid."

"Figures," I respond, "How's your arm, didn't do anythin' more stupid this weekend, did'ya?" I turn my attention towards Stan as well, aiming my worry at both boys.

"Nope, all clean," Ken says, showing off his arms and legs, offering them up for closer inspection. Stan nods, lifting his arm with the cast to show it's the only major injury he had. 

"And is it healin' alright?"

This time Stan responds, "Yeah, healing pretty well." I give Stan a small side hug, followed by one more for Ken.

"Good, I was so worried about you two the other day. Try not to do somethin' so stupid next time, alright?" They both nod their heads in return, and Stan lets out a string of small chuckles.

"Yeah, what about you though, you're standing out in the rain, silly!" 

"No jacket, no nothin', you sure?" Kenny adds to Stan's comment.

"Oh, I'm sure. If Kenny can do it, I can do it." I grin widely, as it begins, and not even sure if it's humanly possible at this point, to rain even harder than before. "On second thought."

Stan invites the two of you under his small umbrella, but I duck under his and sneakily find my way under Kyle's, snuggling into his side. Kenny is able to sort of fit under Stan's umbrella though, so I feel satisfied, we're both relatively safe.

"Oh," Kyle notices me on his side, smiling down at me, "Didn't notice you there, (Y/n)." I only smile in return.

"Mm-hmm,"  I mumbled into his side, "Sorry if my clothes are kinda damp, forgot to bring an umbrella." I lie, because in reality, like Kenny, I didn't even own an umbrella. 

"No worries."

"Can I kiss you?" I mutter shyly, Kyle frowns at me in return.

"No, we can't, people could see us from the bus. Later though, maybe?" he questions.

"Yeah, of course," I mutter again into Kyle's side, this time my smile has disappeared though. I loved the boys but hated that we had to keep it secret. I wanted to hold their hands in public, and sneak quick kisses on their cheeks, and cuddle them when we went to movies. I hated the conclusion that the boys came to, however, sometimes it felt like they didn't care about my own thoughts and feelings. I wanted to be open and free to love, and they wanted to keep it between one-on-one with only the five of us to ever know. They never asked how I felt with this situation though- things would have to change.

"Hey," I whisper, "What if we hung out with just the five of us tonight, like, a, uh, um, study date! Yeah!" Study dates are what I usually have with Kyle, it sometimes seems to be all I ever do with him, except for last night, last night was beautiful.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, yeah! We can do it in Eric's basement, we can study and cuddle an' stuff! We could get pizza, how does that sound?" Kyle gives me a look in return that I can't quite make out- if he likes the idea or not is completely unbeknownst to me. "Please, it'll be fun," I give him the best puppy dog eyes I can muster.

"Fine," he sighs, "If everyone else wants to." He smiles back at me, I assume mostly because I'm happy, but maybe he liked the idea more than I had thought. 

"Eric," I make my way over from Kyle's umbrella to the boy as mentioned earlier's umbrella. "Hey babe, how are you?"

"Good, what are you doing over here, isn't it supposed to be, like, Kyle's turn?" I shudder at the term 'turn' but reply yes. 

"I'm inviting you to a little study date, at your house," I giggle.

"At my house, why the hell would I agree to that?"

"I don't know, they'll be pizza, free of charge."

"Well," Eric begins to consider it, then suddenly remembers the study part. "Nah, I'm not a fucking pussy, neither are you. Only pussy fucking nerds study." 

"Me and Kyle are not some pussy nerds. Okay, yes,  maybe nerds, but we're not pussies. Plus, I need to get my grades up." And the part I don't tell Eric, while he's considering my offer, is that if I don't get my grade up, I'll fail my sophomore year, I won't be in any classes with him, or any of them. Also, on top of that, my parents would be pissed, don't know what they'd do, though. "Eric, please-"

"Yes, I'll allow you guys at my house for the dumb study date," he mumbles, side hugging him like I did Stan and Kenny, and thank him over and over, quickly ducking under all the umbrellas, again. I stop next to Stan.

"Hey, study date tonight, Cartman's house. Pizza will be totally free, too."

Minutes later, the bus rolls up, and we all get on. The three boys with umbrellas close them up, before quickly heading in.  Stan and Kyle sit next to each other in the way back of the bus, while Cartman and Kenny sit the seats across from theirs. There's no room for me, so I sit a few rows up, next to Butters. I had never talked with Butters much throughout the years, I did move to South Park back in 3rd, maybe 4th grade, but the truth of the matter was, I have always spent most of my time with the boys. I don't remember how it happened, but one day, me and my new group could never be separated. Plus, I've never had any classes with Butters in previous years, except back then in elementary and middle school, I suppose I had just never paid much attention to him. 

Cartman makes some poor kid behind me tap my shoulder, averting my attention from my new seatmate towards Cartman instead. "What is it?" 

"Why are you sitting with that lame-ass pussy?" Cartman yells, earning a groan from several of the students, including myself.

"God, Eric, you can't just go around calling everyone a fucking pussy!" I yell back.

"Well, you're not the boss of me!"

"You sound like a child, Eric!"

"God, I am not!"

"I'm not having this conversation, Eric, you're a fucking young man, go grow a pair already." Cartman looks back at me looking astonished by my insult. I turn back around, facing the right way in my seat at last. "Hey Butters," I wave towards him, and he signals back at me.

"By golly, (Y/n), you got Cartman to quiet down real fast," Butters praises me, probably somewhat sick of Cartman's constant bullying, I still chuckle at his comment though. 

"Oh, you know, it's nothin' much," I joke, turning to the side to face Butters with a huge grin, "How are you?" 

He looks at me surprised, his eye widened, part of me thinking it might be in curiosity. I mean, I never talked much with him, I'd be surprised too if I were him. "Oh, I'm, uh," he looks back towards Cartman who's glaring at him. I glower back at Eric, giving him one of those looks, one of those 'I'll talk to you later about this' kinda look. 

"Never mind him, Butters," then I add in a shy whisper," and, uh, continue, please. I'd love to hear what you have to say."

He smiles in return, looking down at his hands, twiddling them in his lap, "I-i'm doing fine, and how are you, (Y/n)?" 

"Stan an' everyone is kinda a pain in the ass to deal with, but good," I chuckle at my small comment about the boys, growing all shy again, "Except, uh, not that first bit, I don't really mean that."

Butters only nods his head to that, "Well, how's the weather, uh, do you like it?"

He looks so filled with wonder, and he's got the biggest grin I've ever seen, but it all kind of disappears when I respond, "No, never have, never will."

"O-oh, uh," he twiddles his fingers a little faster, to the point he's fumbling with them. 

"It's alright if you like it, I mean, opposites attract, don't they?" Then his smile reappears, and he's turning his gaze outside, looking at the sky all longingly.

"I-I love it. The rain feels so free, and I  think that's beautiful."

I had never talked to Butters much till today, but when he described the rain, it made me tear up a little inside. He seemed so small and sad, yet through all life's bullshit, he was happy. I wish I could be more like him. To feel free in the rain, instead of this awful feeling of being isolated and alone...he also has an umbrella, which would be cool to have.

Chapter Text

I arrive at Eric's place about an hour earlier than I asked everyone to come, after basically falling asleep in history class. It still felt a little strange to me, to say the least, in recent years of our 'arrangement' we've all been a little more distant when it came to us as a group. Which thinking about, made me sad. I've tried again and again to set up a date with the four of us, and every time I tried, I failed. Cartman's yelled at me about how stupid that plan was, and he's never apologized. Stan and Kyle have always been a little more passive-aggressive when it came to this topic, Kenny just flat out ignored it and pretended he didn't hear what I said. They're supposed to be my safe place, the ones I turn to when I'm sad, but what am I supposed to do if their the ones making me sad? And part of me feels bad with the idea I cooked up to help with this situation, but if it were the only way they would agree to do it, then so be it. I'm going to try to disguise a date with the four of us as a study date.

I pound my fist on the door again, growing increasingly impatient, as Eric still doesn't open the door. When I try the doorbell, however, I am greeted by Eric's Mother, Liane. 

"Oh, are you here to see Cartman, (Y/n)?" My mind goes blank, I had talked with her many times, but with any parent of the group, I was afraid I'd tell all our secrets- and that was a terrifying thought to have.

"Um, yeah, are the rest of the boys here yet?"

"No, but I'm sure they'll be here soon," Ms. Cartman ushers me into her home, closing the door behind her. "I'll call Eric down, make yourself at home." I nod in response, seeing her walking up the stairs. 

Even knowing the kind of mother- even person- Liane can be, I always, someway or another, find myself jealous. Jealous of the unconditional love she has for her kid, something my parents didn't seem to have very often, if at all. I find myself timidly walking through the Cartman residency, as I plop myself on the couch, leaving my backpack carelessly tossed down at my feet. I notice a few extra crumbs on the cushion and dust them off. My fingers twiddle in my lap, as I wait nervously, but excited for the study date. I can almost feel the flurry of butterflies in my tummy.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Eric's usual grumbling comes from in front of me, as I look up to see him with rather displeased features.

"Hey," I greet, somehow getting tongue-tied twice in one night. I offer the cushion next to me to Eric, and he agrees, seating himself beside me. "Uh, how was school? I didn't see you much today, except I guess lunch and the bus, but that wasn't quite my point I-"

"Woah, geez, that's a lot of talking," I kinda hide behind my hands at that, completely embarrassed. "I haven't seen you this nervous since that night." And when he says this, I know exactly what he's talking about, he doesn't need to clarify which night it is. 

That night was put so clearly in our minds, we might remember it forever. It was the night this all happened, we pulled straws- well the boys pulled straws, I just got to hold them- and that was the night we officially became anything other than friends. We weren't sure what to call it then, and we're still not sure now. 

 I curl my knees up and lean my body against Eric's, he gives a small grunt in return. "I really want to kiss you," I murmur, talking to myself, he still startles at it though.

"Isn't it, like, that fucking asshole's turn? You can't kiss me!" he's at the verge of talking loudly, but I can tell he's trying to whisper it. I revert back to my first sitting position.

"He's got a name, Eric, stop being a fucking dick and acting like that. Plus, aren't we, aren't we all kinda dating? It's not much different-"

"It's totally different," he retorts, and I don't know if I agree with my statement or his, because we've never seen anything like this before. Kenny's shown me a lot of threesome porn stuff, trying to relate it back to our experiences, our relationship. We've never seen a group like us that date each other, that like each other. There were no clear set rules of how anything was to go or not to go. 

Next thing I know, I'm doing something I might regret, and don't realize I even had in me, I yell at Eric.

"You know what, I don't know Cartman, maybe it's wrong, maybe it's right, but don't act like you have the answer either, because you don't, we both know that." I turn away from on the couch, and he gets up when the doorbell sounds shortly after.

"I'll get it," he grumbles. And I know now, I've fucked up, big time. I just want to huddle into a ball and stay on Cartman's couch forever. 

"Hey (Y/n)," Kenny smiles towards me, shaking me from my thoughts, "You look a little gloomy there, you alright?"

"Oh, yeah, of course," I ramble slightly, "to the basement?" I smile back at him, shuffling our group downstairs, and slinging my backpack over my shoulders once more. 

"I was thinking, we might start with math," Kyle says, his voice trailing along behind him, as he's the first boy to go down. 

"Oh yeah?" I question, rushing down the stairs behind him. Kenny follows close behind, telling me not to run or I'll trip.

"You guys are doing awful in math, I don't know how you guys even passed last year!" Kyle yells exasperatedly, throwing his hands up. He places his backpack down near the foot of the steps, and seconds later, I crash into him. I giggle slightly, apologizing to him.

"Sorry, sorry, babe," I kiss his cheek, setting down my own bag next to his. 

"Ugh, gross you guys!" Cartman tauntingly, and rather childishly, sticks his tongue out at the two of you.

"Oh grow up, Cartman," I can almost feel the tension between us growing, and I wonder if anyone notices it. Kyle pulls at my sleeves slightly, almost telling me to back down, which I do. I take a seat next to him on the floor, my math textbook splayed out in front of me, a few loose sheets of graph paper, and a shortened, unsharpened, yellow, number two pencil. Kyle has a big notebook full of paper, and a long fully sharpened pencil. 

Kenny lands himself in a large blue bean bag chair, with none of his school supplies, though as I look at him, I chuckle at my forgetfulness. "Oh God, Kenny, I forgot you broke your right arm! I'll give you a pass for not bringing anythin'" I ramble. "Um, you can look at my notes, I guess," I begin to hand my notes to him, but Kyle stops me from doing so.

"Much appreciated, (Y/n), but I think it would be better if he were looking at mine. No offense babe, but you really suck at math," he chuckles, leaning back to me, kissing my lips. 

"Um, Stan," I look over to where he's sitting which is right next to Ken in the beanbag, "You'll be able to study though, right?"

"Yeah, it's just my left arm," he replies, and we exchange small smiles. 

"Ok, good," I don't ask about Cartman, he's sitting in front of Kenny, his school supplies and a small pile of snacks surrounds him. I'd have to talk to him about it soon, but for now, I'll ignore it, I'll ignore him. I've been doing it for so long, why stop now? 

A few hours go by, and our work progress begins to slow down. The basement floor is littered in tossed aside wrappers, crumbs, and pencil shavings. I'm stuck on this one problem, along with Kenny and Stan. Cartman gave up about half an hour ago, and Kyle is sorta sick of trying to help us, at this point, I don't think he knows how to help us. He's worked every possible way, and now he's stuck in Cartman's basement, crumpling paper in his fists.

"You guys are just unteachable!" he whines, moving his stuff and leaning over into me. I giggle softly, snuggling into his side shortly after.

"Hey, what if we take a break? I think we studied enough, plus it'd be fun hanging out with you four more," I mumble the last bit into Kyle, as I slump my body into his lap. He whispers teasingly in my ear, kissing my ear and playing with my hair. 

"God, seriously, gross. No one wants to fucking see that, Jew!" I rise from my drained position and look Cartman dead in the eye. 

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up," I seethe, I can feel my teeth grinding together in frustration. 

"What?" Cartman looks back blankly, almost taken aback with what I said. I feel at a loss for words again, my courage fleeting quickly. 

"Uh, no, n-never mind, forget it, it-it's nothing," I hide into the floor, trying to do more work or anything to distract myself from the increasingly awkward situation I had placed myself in.

"No, c'mon, it's not nothing," Cartman prods, which earns him a glare from Kyle. 

"Y'know what, yeah, it isn't nothin'. You wouldn't be so mad if it were me kissing you in front of the group, 'cause whatever fucking reason it is, you don't like this," I gesture at the five of us, and Cartman seeks to say something back, but at this point, I'm fed up.
"N-no, I have more to say, you're always bein' such a fucking asshole to me when it's not your damn season! An' you're never like that when it is, and you're always so-so, god, just- I was so happy when you thought of this whole thing, because I wanted it to work, and I love you guys, so fucking much!" I yell, my eyes tearing up, and my throat already feeling sore. I put my knees up, and hug them close, letting myself cry into them. Kyle next to me tries to gently tap me, but I freeze up almost immediately, till his hand leaves me once more.

"Hey, quiet down a little, my mom could hear," Cartman's the first one to speak up.

"Dude, seriously, what the fuck is your problem? You just made (Y/n) cry," Stan's the next one, and I can hear Kenny mumble something incoherently in the background. Kyle's the only one staying quiet. 

"Is it only Cartman?" Or maybe not, his voice sounding small, and breakable, yet filled with so much more strength than mine.

"What do you mean?" Stan jumps in, a little confused. 

"Like, is Cartman the only one who's making her feel like this," Kyle replies, and I shake my head 'no' in response. 

Mumbling into my knees, the boys are barely able to make out what I say, "It's all of you." 

"Why is it all of us, you seemed so happy yesterday, with me," he mutters, anger beginning to bubble inside him.

"It's like, if it's not your season, none of you seem to like me, not the same at least," I begin, I sniffle slightly, wiping my eyes and nose with my sleeve.

"No, that's bullshit, I care about you, I like you, even if it's not springtime-" He startles me a few inches away from him, and now, I feel as if I've started something big, maybe it'll change things...but perhaps not in a good way.

"Geez, Kyle, calm down!" Kenny yells, holding onto said boy's shoulders. "Just, can we talk about this? Normally, without it seemin' like you guys are going to bite each other's heads off, or you guys incapable of that?" 

Everyone slowly nods their head, and my sniffling dies down, so I crawl from my shell and sit a few inches further from all three of the boys. I didn't have the courage I needed, and I felt like buckling into my knees again and crying. But...I couldn't do that, not now, not to them. 

"So, where do we start...?" Stan mumbles, everyone still appearing a little shocked at my outburst. I was much more kindhearted, and I never yelled much, at least not when I was angry, not when I was upset. Of course, however, I always screamed with my friends. That's what dumb high schoolers did.

"Well, not exactly you don't care, it's always my turn or your turn, and I'm tired of that. I'm not some-some-some fucking toy! So quit treating me like I am." I hide my face in my hands as if they couldn't see me that way. 

"Well, I don't do that," Stan says."

"Not all you guys do it the same way, though. Cartman just flat out tells me he doesn't want to hang out as a group for a date, an' every time I'm with Ky, or Ken, or even Stan, he'll get all fussy. He's the one that'll be like, isn't it his turn. But it's no ones turn, because I'm a person, you don't take turns with me." 

"God, Cartman, you fucking asshole!" Kyle yells, and it seemed, for a second, that it was his way to say, I'm protecting you. 

"He's not the only frickin' asshole here, you guys can all be asses, and that includes me!" I retort.

"Fine, then what did I do?" Kyle gestures for me to continue. 

"It's like, if I ask about a group thing, you'll always say not this weekend, or I'm busy, or-or even we're busy. An' the only way I got you guys here, is 'cause I said it was for studying purposes!" Oh shit, I think to myself, I just exposed my whole plan.

"Wait, you planned this whole thing for that reason?" Kyle asks, and I gingerly nod in return.

"That means, you basically lied to us!" Kenny exclaims

"Yeah, I know, it was shitty, it's not like you guys haven't done bad things too," I huff out, crossing my arms and looking away from the group.

"Now it seems we're just playing the blame game," one of the boys retort.

"it's not like that-"

"No, no it is. Don't lie again, please, (Y/n)," Kyle sounds exhausted, already done with the conversation at hand.

"No, Ky, please, I don't," I begin, letting a long sigh out, I too, feeling tired. My throat starting to sore up. "I don't mean it to be."

"Then what, what do you mean It to be?" he continues, frustration seeping from his voice.

"I just want things to change, sometimes you guys just make me feel so sad, but I love you guys, and I don't know what to do," I let out another sigh, taking my gaze away from the wall, to a quick glance at the boys, and then to the ground. The boys all have a pained expression to them, though they also share a look of mild surprise. They wait quietly for minutes, save for a small cough from Kenny.

Stan finally raises his hand up timidly, as if almost saying, 'can I speak.' I gently nod to him, and it takes him a minute or so, till he barely gets out a whispered, "Y-you love us?"

"Oh, uh, I, um, oh god. I-i said that out loud, didn't I?"

"So, you don't?" Cartman responds, having not said anything since my big outburst.

"No, I do, a lot. I think I have since this whole thing started. Just..." I take a deep breath, my breathing unsteady, and my body trembling. I hadn't been this nervous since...that night! "I've wanted this to work out since Cartman came up with it back in eighth grade, and-and it has worked! But not so much now, not in the past year or so, an' sometimes I feel that I've failed you somehow since I can't be this perfect version of myself, the perfect girlfriend. An' I want to be able to be out in the open with you guys, I wanna be public, but I can't, especially if I don't know what we are." 

My shakings stopped, and my breathing feels normal. The little courage before bounds against me now, leaping from my body in all sorts of thoughts. I feel so strange to finally be saying this, a warm bubbly sensation fills me up when I realize I was able to regain the courage. A melancholy feeling washes over me soon after, realizing we could all be over in the next few moments. I grab my fleeting courage by the horns again, pulling up my backpack in one swift movement, I find myself at the bottom of the stairs holding close to the railings. [ITALICIZE]Do now, or do it never, I remind myself

"Take your time, and figure out what we are, and when you're ready? Come and tell me, I'm waiting." And then I'm racing up the stairs, hurrying past Liane, I'm out the door, into the chilly air of South Park.

Chapter Text

The walk home from Cartman's was a quiet one, the wind whistled through my hair and behind my ears. Colorado's weather was just cool enough to still be able to see your breath in the air. Which might be strange in other places, but in South Park, where it was always cold and snowy, or cold and rainy, or any combination of the two, that it still felt like winter up until summer. South Park only had it's two seasons, Winter and Summer, and by summer the air around them would warm up, and the snow would melt away. So it was strange for me when back on that fateful day in summer, we split up our days with (Y/n) into seasons.

I don't think anyone really questioned the idea much because we were stuck in this big chaotic mess that we created for ourselves, and there was little way out, very few ways to fix it. Plus, (Y/n) liked the idea. And at that time, we'd go along with anything she said. I wonder when that changed? Had we always been so selfish?

I kick my feet around against the snowy grounds, finally being met with the looming passageways of my house. I'd have to face my mother. She'd know something was wrong as soon as I open that door, I can't go in there, not yet at least.

I turn myself around and head back down the path that leads from the front porch all the way to the beginning of the sidewalk. (Y/n) was so happy when Cartman suggested it, I remember, because I could see her eyes twinkling with excitement and wonder, her eyes looked so joyful. But, God, Cartman is the whole reason behind all this!

Or, he sort of is? I'm not too sure of myself, as I had never thought too deeply about the relationship- at least, not recently. Cartman created the idea, but (Y/n) liked all four of us before that. So it couldn't be Cartman's fault, his approach- and as much as I hate to say this, to agree with his fatass- his approach was brilliant. 

We all wanted the girl, and this way solved it, but it was a temporary fix- It had to be. So what about now, I think to myself. How had (Y/n) gone from sunshine smiles to this? What was wrong with the almost seemingly perfect solution? What had we done now? What had I done?

(Y/n) kept saying we had done all these things, which for Cartman, I wouldn't put it past him for doing that kind of stuff. But for me, why would she accuse me of doing that? Though I suppose-

I find myself stopped and muddled before a fork in the road. On a path, which I had walked on almost every day of my damn life, and yet now, I couldn't remember whether I was to take a left or a right. It was all of this thinking, thinking, thinking. What are we, and what do I even want us to be?

I let the question sink in, as I finally choose to take a left. If I had remembered right, this was the quickest route, unless I wanted to run around town all night, going the long way. What are we? Well, we're certainly not normal, that's for sure. Just one girl simultaneously dating four guys, I included, and somehow it's not cheating. It was crazy to think about, and even wilder to be a part of. I still wasn't sure how we had gotten ourselves in this, and how we got so far. 

I understood (Y/n)'s frustrations, to a degree. It certainly seemed a little immoral to me to 'take turns' with her, or really, just to call it that. She was right, we weren't treating her to the best of our abilities, she's not a doll, we can't do what we want with her. She has feelings, but god, we do too! I mean, I do, who the hell knows about Cartman. 

God, I'm getting off track here, where was I? Oh, yeah, (Y/n) has feelings, and we have thoughts, and I suppose all we really need to do is communicate better. But that seemed so hard, I love (Y/n, still do I really want this? I sigh, kicking my feet along the snowy sidewalks once more. I lift my head up to find myself at Stark's Pond, the perfect thinking place for now.

Chapter Text

It was well into the night, after hours of studying, and the worst tension between (Y/n) and Cartman I had ever seen, that she had gotten worked up over something Cartman said and left his house soon after. It was all a little shocking to us, still sitting cross-legged on the blue bean bag chair, Cartman is the first of us to speak up. Of course, he is, I sigh to myself. 

"Geez, what is her problem?" 

"Well, apparently it's you," I don't think too much when I respond to him, and maybe I know what I'm doing when I say this, but I'm still too shocked from (Y/n)'s outburst.

"God, that's uncalled for Kenny," Kyle responds, "I am just as frustrated with him as you are, but you saw her, she's mad at all of us!" 

"Why thanks, Kyle," Cartman joins in again.

"Oh, you misheard me, I'm still mad at you, too." Kyle lets out a long exasperated sigh, pinching his nose, "You know what, I'm done with this, I'm going home, to figure this all out by myself." Then he, too, is gathering his things and rushing out of Cartman's house. 

Then we're all put in silence again. Stan begins to gather up his things, Cartman is ignoring the two of us, and I pick up the notes Kyle left, looking over them. I could understand about five of the problems on there, thanks to him I might not totally fail math this year. I was in a freshman math class with (Y/n), while Stan, and somehow Cartman, were placed in Sophomore math. Kyle, the smartest of the five of us, was one of the only Sophomores in the Junior Year Math class. I chuckle at the thought of any of us being in a higher grade like that, I'd probably lose my mind if I were.

Stan's gathered all his things now and begins to leave, but I stop him just before he takes his first step onto the stairs. "Can I come with you?" 

He nods, replying with a slightly timid, "Uh, sure." He waits for me to follow, and then slowly ascends up the stairs. 

"Wait, where are you guys going?" Cartman yells up at us, and somehow, in his little brain, he was able to pick that he'd like to talk to us now.

"No longer ignoring us, huh?" I reply snidely, and then we too, disappear upstairs. Stan and I stay relatively quiet between each other, from all the way through Cartman's living room, through the front door, and up till the fork in the road. 

San turns to me, "The long way?" I only nod in return. Then Stan asks the most surprising question. "Do you think (Y/n)'s gonna dump us?" 

"I don't even know what us is anymore, and, why would you even ask that?" 

"I don't know, I thought maybe, y'know, she might. She seemed pretty upset with us."

"Did you even hear a word she said, Stan? No, never mind. She cares so much about us," I trail off, still not been given enough time to fully process the situation. Stan seems to recognize this too and doesn't say anything for a while. 

We stop at a small coffee shop, that is still wondrously, somehow, open this late at night. Stan walks in first, and I slowly trail behind after. He orders a small cocoa and then looks back to me. 

"Want anything?" he asks.

"Dude, are you serious-"

"I'll pay for tonight, just remember to pay me back later." 

"Hmm, fine. I'll take a coffee, cocoas for the weak," I joke. Stan only somewhat smiles, but mostly grumbles in disapproval. He still orders it though.

The time ticks by and our drinks are finally ready, Stan sits at a table to the far right of the room, and I, to the left. Stan said he wanted time to think about what she said, before going to Stark's Pond. I knew I was still confused as to why she chose now to tell us, or to why she felt this way, or to this whole situation. I knew Stan must be in a pretty similar state. For one, I didn't even know why we were going to Stark's, he probably didn't either. It just felt familiar, and safe, I think.

I try to sip my coffee, but still hasn't cooled down, so it burns my tongue a little. It tastes good though, so I take another few sips. The pain almost distracting me from the task at hand. 

God, why did (Y/n) even do this? Her problem seems mostly to be with Cartman, and somewhat, Kyle. But what had (Italicize)I done wrong?

According to (Y/n) we treated her wrong, we always had to take 'turns' with her. Had I ever done that? I sure hope I haven't, I don't think I could forgive myself if I did that. 

Though she also seemed to have problems with what we were, or better, what we label ourselves as. Which was tricky to deal with, when none of us have ever seen anything like this. Except in porn, but we had never had sex with each other so it couldn't be that. 

We all kind of date each other, except not exactly, and it seemed so straight forward at the time but... I'm at a loss for words now. This whole relationship feels muddy in my head. I'll just come back to that later, I guess.

I sigh, taking another sip of my coffee, it feels much cooler by now. I wonder how long I had been sitting here. I look over to where Stan is, and he looks tired and puffy eyed, slouching, so his head rests on the table. He wasn't a real pretty sight to see, that's for sure. Staring back at my drink, I find myself lost in thought again. Though, I supposed, that's where I wanted to be. I needed to come to a conclusion on how I felt. Not sooner or later, but now.

God, though, (Y/n) always held the brightest, cheeriest smile for me, in class, when we went to the beach, even sometimes going to the store for snacks after getting high(after I got high, she prefers not to partake in such activities though). When did that change, when did she stop smiling as bright? Am I bad boyfriend for not knowing? Maybe that's why she's so upset, maybe, maybe, maybe. 

I think she wants to be dating all of us, but without all the silly seasons getting involved. Though I'm not sure on that, it was hard to keep track of what she was saying when she was just yelling. I should talk to her about it, yeah, she'd appreciate it. 

I twist in my chair to look back at Stan again, his eyes seem a little dryer. That's good, I suppose. Downing my drink, I toss it in the trash and head over to him. He looks up at me almost a little surprised, coddling his cocoa in his hands, weird.

"You ready to go?" Stan smiles in return, and for once, I think we might be making a genuine, good, decision.

Chapter Text

I'm walking down the cold streets of South Park, with no idea what I'm doing or what to do, and a friend hopelessly following behind. I hadn't planned this far, no, I hadn't planned at all. I needed to take a breath, grab a bite to eat, and think this over.

My breath makes faint little clouds in the air. However, they quickly dissipate as we walk down the beaten path. 

"Do you think (Y/n)'s gonna dump us?" I ask, a little out of the blue. Kenny seems taken aback by my question though, and replies somewhat harsh and a little annoyed.

"I don't even know what us is anymore, and, why would you ask?" I think about that for a good minute, or so, soon Kenny and I continue our conversation. 

We don't talk for a while as we come by a coffee shop, miraculously still open at this time. The perfect place for my bite to eat, though I don't feel all to hungry. Maybe I'll just buy a drink. I order myself cocoa, then offer to buy something for Ken. He's somewhat nervous, or appears to be, and starts to stammer out something along the line of 'no.' I know he wants some though, so I offer to pay for him. He obliges, though somewhat awkwardly. I don't think I've ever seen Kenny like this, (Y/n) really must have shaken us up, struck a chord, I don't know, I'm not sure, but something.

Kenny orders a coffee, and gives me a hard time for getting hot chocolate, it somewhat lightens my mood, but I grumbled at it, swipe my drink off the counter, and make my way to the far left side of the room. I find myself sitting at a two-person table, but Kenny seems to have caught on and is seated on the far right of the room, the complete opposite from where I am.

I begin to eat the whip cream off the top of my cup, It's crisp and somewhat refreshing. As much as I need this relaxation though, I needed to think about us, and quick. 

The only other relationship I had ever been in, was the one with Wendy. But we always went on and off, and on and off, and on and off, and so on, and so on, till we were off forever. One day, we had the final split between us, and it never mended itself. And some odd years later, it's the eighth grade, and there's (Y/n). There's always been (Y/n), since the day she moved here in third grade. We had been her first and only friends, then soon, we were dating.  Except, not dating? That's the thing we needed to but never could figure out. 

This should be a good place to start, I think to myself. Wendy and I stopped working, and at what point do me and (Y/n) stop working, or have we already stopped working?

I silently curse out myself for thinking that, I had brought up something similar earlier with Ken, he hated that I had even said it. I had hated that I had done that, too. I've made a lot of regrettable decisions, but (Y/n)'s certainly not one of them, I hope. 

But Wendy was. 

I wasted years of my life with her, years and years I could have spent with someone else whizzing down the drain. We still interact for school, but thinking back about her, in the context of being boyfriend and girlfriend, just made me sad. But we'd always come crawling back to each other, never knowing any better. Am I making a mistake staying with (Y/n)?

She doesn't make me feel like shit, and sometimes I think she might be the only person I truly love. Wait, love? Oh god, I love her. I feel the corner of my eyes sting with oncoming tears. They roll softly across my face, at first I try to hide them, rubbing harshly with my jacket sleeve. 

I look up, locking eyes with Kenny for a brief second. I take another few sips of my cocoa, and let the tears run freely down my face. After a few minutes, they stop, and I dab gently around my face to clear up any damp spots. Footsteps shuffle close by, and when I look up, Ken is standing over me. 

"You ready to go?" he asks, giving me and my cocoa a somewhat weird look, I dismiss that, giving him a small smile in return. I pick myself up from the cafe seating and head back outside. 

I kick my feet along the ground as we walk, (Y/n) makes me so happy, especially compared to past relationships. God, she makes me so happy. I want to be able to stay with her and see her smile. I want to be able to keep her in my arms every night, and kiss her cheek, and hold her hands. I want to be able to love her as long as I can, as long as we're together.

Chapter Text

I’m still unsure why I even agreed to a study session with all of us, but I did. Maybe it’s because she asked, but I’ve never been one to go along like that, just because someone else wants me to. I’ve only noticed it a few select times. For instance, a few weeks ago (Y/n) and I were playing a few games with each other, when - Jesus Christ, I hate this prick sometimes- Kyle, called her. Made her drag me off to the hospital with her, for some silly little accident. She could have gone later, she could have done it on her own time, not ours. 
Maybe it’s because she asked, but that also sounds like a load of horseshit. A full firm knock sounds on my door, breaking me away from thought. 
Grumbling, I respond, “Yes?”

“Oh, Eric, honey? You in there”” I nod my head, begrudgingly getting off my bed. I open the door a slight crack to reveal my mother. 

“Yeah, what do you need?” 

“Oh, Y/n is here! Why don’t you come down to greet her?” I roll my head gently back and forth, weighing imaginary options in my head.

“Okay,” I grumble, opening the door all the way. Mom gives me one of her ‘looks,’ and begins to walk away when I slam my door shut in response. 

“Eric Theodore Cartman, why must you do this, nonetheless when we have a guest over!”
“God didn’t know,” I pause for a moment, subconsciously looking down at my attire. “Is it Y/n?”
My mother sighs, nodding her head. “Yes, Eric,” and she sort of nods over to the stairs. “Be nice to her, and all your other friends when they get here, alright?”

Grunting in response, I roll my eyes, continuing to walk down the hall. Out of nowhere, he grabs my arm roughly, yanking me back. “Eric, alright?” I nod back again, pulling my arm back to myself. 
“Yeah, yeah, sure. I got it.” I find my way down the stairs, in long, slow strides. I sneak my head around the corner, spying Y/n seated on the couch, with her bag between her feet. 

“Hey,” she says, offering the seat beside her. Mostly happy, I take it. “I, uh, how was school? I didn’t see you much today, except lunch I guess, and the bus, but that wasn’t quite my point, I-”

“Woah, geez, that’s a lot of talking,” classic, embarrassingly awkward Y/n. Hiding her face behind her hands. God, she’s so weird- so sweet though, but she’s always been like this. “I haven’t seen you this awkward since that night.”
I didn’t have to say much, she knew the night I was talking about, we all did. That night would always be ingrained into our memories, that night meant so much to me, and I’m sure all of us. It’s the night I came up with that idiotic plan. Yeah, sure, I thought. Let’s have her date all your little rivals. I’ve always been bitter about that night, but not because of her. I’d never want to be so angry because of her. She’s tolerable and so lovely, and the way she says my name. I love her, no no no. I like her a lot. I would never be bitter at her for such a silly thing, but that doesn’t stop me from being annoyed with everything else. Not from Stan, or Kenny, or even that bitch, Kyle. I was especially frustrated with Kyle, but- I need to stop focusing on him.  I wonder what she thought about that night? I hope she doesn’t carry the same hate for me as I bring for the rest of us.
When I look back over to Y/n she seems just as in the clouds as I was. She looks back up at me and out of her daze. She slumps her body sideways and curls her knees up, colliding gently with my body. I grumble slightly, but allow her to stay. She seemed far too soft, too fragile, to move her or shoo away.
“I really want to kiss you,” she whispers, startling me somewhat at how soft her voice comes out. Wait, kiss me? Christ, Y/n.

“Isn’t it like, oh I don’t know, that fucking asshole’s turn? You can’t kiss me!” I grimace, Y/n looks back at me extremely unamused.

“He’s got a name, you know, stop acting like such a dick. Plus, we’re all sorta dating, are we not? It’s really not much different-”

“Not much? It’s totally different,” I retort, feeling the pit of anger rise inside myself. Y/n sits back to her original spot, leaning against the armrest, in a clear point of deep thought. She looks furious, though. 

Turning back to me, her face is sharp. “You know what, I don’t know, Cartman. Maybe it’s wrong, maybe it’s right, but don’t act like you know the answer either, because you don’t. We both know that.” Her voice is high, and I try to shush her to give her a sort of warning. My mother is nearby, but she won’t stop. She keeps going. But then she simply stops, looking away, and across the floor at the carpet. Her face holds a solemn and forlorn expression. 

The doorbell is rung shortly after, and to be helpful, I offer to get it. She doesn’t answer, not even a look. I fucked up good this time. Opening the door, I’m met with the rest of our group. “Get the hell in here,” I grumbled.

“As nice as ever, I see,” Kyle chuckles, dragging Stan into the house with him.

“Yeah, well, fuck you, Kyle.”

“Great retort.”

“You know, I don’t have to let you in.”

“Too late for that,” Kyle smirks, “Plus, Y/n would be pretty upset with you. Speaking of her, where she at?” I point roughly at the direction of the living room, and he smiles at me, briefly. As he’s about to turn the corner, he swivels back to me. “And try to be nice Cartman. For once in your life.” 
Everyone else follows in suit, and I trail behind, ready to get this night over with. Y/n perks up, noticing Kenny walking over to her. I roll my eyes at their interactions, she seems to smile at him when he talks, then she moves over to Kyle, picking up her stuff, and heading down the stairs. Kyle seems to mention something about math as we ascend the basement stairs. 
Y/n’s giggling and laughing with Kyle, then gives his cheek a small peck, setting me off. “Urgh, gross you guys!” She looks back at me, cold fire in her eyes.

“Oh, grow up!” She sets her bag down, walking a little closer to Kyle. I grumble slightly, finding a spot to sit in front of my big blue bean bag. Kenny’s in the bean bag, and Stan next to him. Kyle and Y/n sit next to each other, somewhat cuddling into one another. 
The rest of the night followed down a similar path, until something a little unexpected happened. I had made another stupid comment to the PDA between Y/n and Kyle. I shouldn’t have, I know. But Y/n freaks out, and yells at us, then leaves. I think she might’ve broken up with us? Or she feels like we should...I hope it was neither, but she seemed really pissed at us. No, not just me. All of us. Y/n left in a hurry, and everyone else shortly after. I was left to wallow in pity, down in my basement. 
“Why do I care so damn much? What she said, it wasn’t true, was it? I-I don’t do that,” I whisper to myself, going over everything. She had said so much, so quick. A toy, yeah, that’s what she said. I didn’t treat her like a possession, did I? Maybe once in a while, I was a little more needy, a bit more protective, but not...God, I did do that to her. She must fucking hate me now. Though she did seem sad to possibly lose us- she said she loved us. 
I really fucked up this time, but I just need to apologize, yeah. I grab my phone, and click on her contact, sending a quick message. I stuff my phone in my jacket, and race up the stairs, and out into the streets of our good ol’ hometown, South Park. I accidentally leave the front door open, and I can hear my mother yelling at me in the distance. 
“I have more important things to take care of!”

        - I want to say sorry Sent 9:43

Chapter Text

Y/n sits hunched on a bench, overviewing Stark's Pond, in all its small little glory. She types furiously into her phone, scrolling through page after page, screenshotting essential details, anything she could find on loving more than one person. In her 15 years of life, she had never thought to look up such a novel idea as this. Though I suppose, technology, and the data it held had still remained relatively limited at the time. Even if it was only two years ago. Two years, man, that seemed like an eternity ago.

Hours into the raid for answers, she begins to lull, slowly but surely, falling asleep huddled against her phone. The only thing keeping her warm being the too-thin jacket and the strange warmth of her phone. Around ten or so, an ever so slight sound of crunching snow beneath one's feet, sounds in her ear, stirring her awake once more.
"Ergh, what is it?" yawning, she lazily brings her hands up to her eyes, to rub the sleepiness away. Soft splotches of orange peek through, as her hand reaches back down. "K-Kenny, the hell are you doing here?"

He shuffles his feet around awkwardly, rubbing his neck, "Stan, too, actually, we wanted to talk."

"Good, me too," (Y/n) slips off the bench with ease, hearing the same satisfying crunch of her shoes hitting snow. She's got her phone clutched between her fingers, giddy to show her boyfriends what she found, past feelings of frustration and sadness seemingly washed away, even with the two boys- cause of her pain- standing in front of her. Kenny lays a steady hand on her shoulder, stopping her in her place. "What?"

"Not gonna talk about earlier?"

Looking down, she feels guilty for yelling at her beloveds as so, "It-It's fine, it doesn't matter anymore."

"No, (Y/n), that isn't true,"

"But- no, no- I found a solution! I can fix what I made, I-"

"Babe, listen for one sec, you said a lot at Cartman's, and you said not to come back till we made up our minds. We thought about," Kenny gestures towards himself and Stan, who steps away from Kenny's gloomy shadow, into the light beside him. "I love you, baby, I do. I wish we'd never hurt you like that, I'm not always using my right mind, I never mean to fuck up, but sometimes I do. I want to mend this fuck up though, I'm sure as you do, and, no, Stan, you go," Kenny ushers the invisible microphone over to the other boy.

"I want to make things right, and figure out what we are together, all five of us." He then awkwardly gestures back to Kenny, to which (Y/n) softly smiles at her feet in response to.

"Baby, your one of the best things to happen to me, I want to grow together, through this, let you speak your mind. Give me- eh- us, that chance." Kenny raises his arms towards (Y/n), who's eyes are filled to the brim with that sort of happy sadness. She accepts his invitation, falling into his long arms. Her arms fall limply behind him, and her head finding home in Kenny's shoulder.
Stan soonly joins in, wrapping his arms around (Y/n)'s small backside, towering over her shorter, and skinnier frame. His arms hang loosely under her's, and his head rests upon the crook of her neck.

They hold you for minutes on end, Kenny allowing you to soak his jacket in sobs. Within time, the small huddled group of teens moves to the bench, with no real plan in their heads.

Though, perhaps, maybe one.

As (Y/n) slows her sobs, Stan nudges her backside, earning a small 'hmm,' and a quick flip of her head to peer behind her. "Yeah?"

"You wanted to show us something," Stan whispers softly in her ear, letting her giggle as it tickles her. "Earlier, that is."

"Uh-huh, lemme untangle myself," she whips her head back, nudging Kenny this time, "first. Ken, I gotta get to my pack."

"Yeah, o' course, babe," he smirks, keeping himself rock-solid.

"Gah, Ken, I love ya, but-" he chuckles softly, finally unlatching himself from her body.

"Thanks," (Y/n) smiles, leaning down to pick her phone out of her bag. "Here, I've been," she shuffles herself around once more, "I've been, uh, researching, I think I found what we are," (Y/n) whispers that last bit so quietly Kenny and Stan almost don't hear, but perhaps some people have super hearing.

Eric shows up at the bench, heaving, and gasping, nearly throwing up against their feet- to which some of them may have experienced before(another story, for another time though). He gasps out, "I'm glad."

"E-Eric? "

"The one and only, babe, now what were you saying?"

"You're not," (Y/n) pauses, looking away bashfully, "not made at me?"

"I mean-"

"I woulda thought you an' a Kyle would be so pissed at me.''

"Of course I'm a little mad, but I don't wanna lose you."

"That's a little gay," Kenny replies, Stan and him snickering at the comment.

"When they'd get here?"

"Surprised you didn't notice, Eric, 'sides, doesn't matter, right?" (Y/n) stands, offering her seat up for Eric. He obliges, though shortly after he sits, he gives a confused look over to (Y/n).

"Where you gonna sit?"

"Right here works," (Y/n) chuckles, sitting in Kenny's lap. Eric gives that sort of disapproving look he has, to which (Y/n) laughs at more. "I hope ya don't mind, I just wanna cuddle tonight, and explain things, without yelling at each other."

Kenny nods, wrapping his arms around your form, "So will you no longer be my mystery girl?"

"I don't know, Ken. We haven't discussed," she looks over to Eric, and Stan, who hadn't spoken as much. "Perhaps we take it one day at a time."

Chapter Text

"It's the first day of school, baby," Kenny's sitting on the bed next to you, playing with the locks of your hair. "Ya gotta get up."

"Or what?" you manage to mumble out. It was so early in the morning, you found it hard to understand everything that was happening. Gently rubbing at your eyes, you're met with Kenny's face. He's smiling, his bright blue eyes gleaming in the morning sun. His face is a little scuffed up, and it makes you sad knowing what your boyfriend has had to deal with in his lifetime. Nonetheless, you pick yourself up, cupping his face in your hand, giving him a small- yet passionate- morning kiss. "Is this awake enough for you?"

He chuckles, messing with your hair again. "Normally, I'd say yes, but we have to meet someone at the bus stop."

"What- why?"

"It's our junior year, baby doll, and we've got less than ten minutes to get you ready."

"Me, what about you?" Kenny smiles again, giving you a hand up.

"I've been ready a lot longer than you have." He does a small twirl, showing off his big puffy jacket, and a ratty pair of jeans- they had little notes and doodles scribbled against them. Like important events, which always left you with a warm feeling(Kenny had the date the 5 of you hooked up that first night).

"God, you're cute, wish I could stay in all day with you," you needlessly flirt with him. You grab your clothes from a neat pile on the ground and disappear into the bathroom, reappearing moments later. You sneak up behind Kenny, wrapping yourself around him, and cuddle him briefly. "I've got change, so we can pick up food at school," you whisper, peeling away and dragging the two of you outside.

Your mind wanders off to that night- the night you had lost your control and yelled at your partners; you had a good talk with them shortly afterward. You had begun researching, which- shamefully so- was something you had never thought to try. You ended up finding a whole secret side of the internet. 

Polyamory.

That's what you had found. In concept, it was what you had had with Eric, Kenny, Stan, and Kyle. Except, no article had the same person hopping partner to partner like the five of you. We ended up keeping the plan Eric had come up with, but you were going to try things differently. 

Summer had been hectic, Kyle's parents took him- and Ike- on a month-long trip to visit family and then began work to save up for college. You only saw him a handful of times. Stan was busy training for football this year. Junior year was big for everyone, especially the sport's stars. They had to up their game, perfect techniques- to make sure they could get that scholarship. In all honesty, you would have spent all of it with Eric or Kenny, but your parents- quite frankly- had had enough of you only hanging out with the boys. Weird they'd give a damn once you were actually happy. But, because of all of that, you hadn't been able to try out the new and revised plan- but you sincerely hoped (and believed) it would work out this time. 

To make up for the lack of time over summer, you had spent the weekend with Kenny. It was a tradition, anyways. We'd make a road trip out of it. Before we had our license, we'd take the bus(and then 10 more buses from that one)- and we wouldn't have enough for a hotel, so we'd leave South Park at night, getting there when the sun still shined, and then we'd leave back on the buses that same night. 

But now, like this weekend, we'd drive up together- early morning. When we got there, it would be way too late, but it was quiet and peaceful, we'd take our shoes off and walk the beach together, hand in hand. When we got tired, we'd get in the back of the truck, cuddled up in giant, comfy blankets. The only negative side? It was the damn bugs- but it was always worth it. We had gotten back late, late, Sunday. I didn't want to wake my parents, so we came to the conclusion I'd stay the night. 

"You good?" Kenny startles you from thought, you look up at him, confused. 

"What?"

"You're spacing off, Y/n. And," he pauses. "Sorry, lost track there. I was wondering if we were supposed to meet the gang later, as well."

"Yeah, Eric's, kicking off the school year. You still up for it?"You look up at him, his dirty blonde locks fall just past his eyes. His hair was growing long and wild, and you loved it. 

"Yeah," you simply smile in return.

The closer Y/n and Kenny were to the bus stop, the further apart they found themselves. By the time they arrived, they no longer cuddled or held hands. They still walked side by side though, mere inches apart. 

You wave to Stan and Eric, greeting them both with huge hugs that make your arms, and their bodies ache. It had, for the most part, been like this since spring. Greet your partners as you would friends- very close friends. You supposed you'd get back to that thought later, as the bus arrives and the four of you hop on, heading for the back. 

 There were so many other important factors to this spring that it was almost too hard to remember every one point. While we weren't able to try things out over summer, spring was not much different. You had to stay over with Kyle for the majority of your time, regardless. He was helping you study- for as much as you hated to admit it, you needed help. School just wasn't your forte. 

"So, what did ya do this summer, Kenny?" Butters twists in his seat, to converse with your boyfriend. 

You hold your breath, predicting what Kenny may or may not say in return. "Y'know, the usual. Visited the beach, met with my girlfriend. Uh, hung out with Y/n a bit, I guess." You let out a small sigh, you're unsure if you're happy with his response.

You knew that telling others about the relationship was not incorporated into the new 'rules.' You still wished for it, though, that your boyfriends would be proud enough of you. In time you hoped- in time. 

The bus ride is short. To you, it feels long and neverending. Kenny's wrapped up with Butters- secretly discussing you -and Stan and Eric are talking with each other. And you're stuck in the middle, alone. 

You're the first to jump up when the bus stops.

The remainder of the day chugs on just as slow. You had far fewer classes with the boys this year- everyone had ended up in wildly different leveled classes. You and Kyle were supposed to take an elective this year, to make up for the fact that you'd only get to see him during breaks if you hadn't chosen to do it. 

It was only the first day back, though, and you just wanted to be done with school. School perhaps wasn't  so  bad, but there were a million and one things you'd rather be doing. Like snuggled up with one(or all) of your boyfriends, maybe playing a game or reading a book.

Hearing Kenny talking to people about his summer girlfriend, and spending so much of his free time with Butters, and only having friends in math, and your elective- well, it wasn't what you wanted for this new year.

You head out of school with Stan, Cartman, and Eric strolling alongside you. You're awfully quiet, allowing Stan to blabber on about football or some other sport.

"Dude, no one cares." Cartman blurts out. Stan mutters a 'shut up' towards him, clearly looking embarrassed. 

"Eric! You can't just say that shit." You give an apologetic look to Stan.

"What? It's true." 

You shake your head, "Well, I care-" you playfully nudge Kenny's side, "And, uh, he does. As well."

"You sure- we can talk about something else if you want." Stan seems hesitant to continue, but you could tell from the glimmer in his eyes that he was excited by the mere prospect.

"Yeah, of course, man." Kenny blurts out. He pulls you closer, whispering in your ear, "Still meeting at Cartman's?"

You hum fondly in response. "Of course, I thought we've already discussed this- no?" A tiny giggle falls from your lips, "I just gotta make a quick stop somewhere, okay?"

He chuckles back in return, "If you say so."

It took some haggling between yourself and Mrs. Broflovski, but once you mentioned you had homework and a few other notes from teachers, she let you in. Giving you a short warning to be careful, though.

"It's okay- continue," Kyle says, allowing you to frustratingly shuffle against his bedroom carpet.

"Okay, well- I know we're still figuring things out- and I am so appreciative of Eric, and you and everyone else for agreeing to give  this  another go. I can't wait to have our little secret dates altogether, but I'm afraid I'll- no, we- will always be a secret." 

"Y/n, don't talk like that. We're still figuring this out, if you're really feeling like this, we can talk to the guys about it later, okay?" 

"Fine," you sigh, "can I kiss you?"

Kyle lets out a big laugh, albeit a tad hoarse, but quickly stops when he realizes you are all too serious. "Babe,  no . I'm still sick. It's already a big deal enough my mom even let you up here with me, or that I'm going out later." 

You chuckle, "Yeah, sorry. How's it been, are you almost better- you've been sick all week."

"Yeah, don't worry. I've been taking medicine."

Your smile brightens, "Good, good." You find yourself seated in a small chair at Kyle's desk, leaning back into it. "Y'know, I'm kind of excited for tonight."

"Really? Didn't you say Cartman was  just  busting on Stan today?"

You let out an almost nervous laugh. "Yeah, I suppose. But I've got a good feeling about this. I mean, with you there, and all." Kyle's reply leaves the room quiet but joyful, he's beaming a rare, toothy smile at me.

You were still the mystery girl, and you sometimes felt tossed around, but starting off junior year, you knew you were something to someone.