Chapter Text
"You are only as sick as your secrets".
That one phrase stuck in my head and i was desperately playing it over and over like a loonatic.Stahl got what he wanted anyway.Bastard possesed my mind and that was worse than any kind of sexual fantasies he could play out with me. It wouldn't be as damaging as his words,as his soft delecate voice.
Gradually sleepless nights became normal for me.I started to avoid looking in the mirror. But for people around me i was putting on the best performance of my lifetime. I testified in court with confedence, convincing everyone that im ok, im over it and a near death experience didn't have its toll on me. How brave of you,Harlee! How smart!
I was proud of myself for keeping my cool no matter what. But it was a BIG FAT LIE!
Inside i was completely broken and lost more than ever before. I chased a man through the subway thinking that it was Stahl. And when i got a footage it wasn't him at all. I've shot the man because i thought it was Stahl. Loman backed me up just like i did when he accidently killed an unarmed dealer. I knew that i was in a big trouble.
All my life ive been lying, monipulating and pretending. I don't even remember the last time i was completely honest and had nothing to hide. My daughter...my sweet little Christina...the only light in my darkness. I keep on telling myself that my life isn't worthless, that i have a purpose and reson to live.
James..he was my harbour. The common sense, my last shred of conscience. And he is gone because of me. I wanted him to save me from my life, bring me into his world where justice and truth prevail... but i dragged him into mine. He loved me even knowing who i really was. With him i had a courage to be vulnerable...For once in my life i chose the right man but he unfortunately chose me...
Now its Paranoia...i see Stahl everywhere...i play the 911 call every day, asking myself why he saved me... James will never come and soothe me again, hug me and tell me that Stahl won't come back. Im alone with my messed up head.
Madness is contagious. I pay a visit to Gina every week.This woman remotely resembles myself with her hazel eyes and brown hair. She became my substite for Stahl. With her he could let off steam. It helped him to wear his cool mask outside his bedroom.
We switched places. Now i'm paying Gina for her stories about Stahl!Hahaha!Thats INSANE! 200 bucks an hour...cheeper than what Stahl paid her...anyway this woman is a link between Stahl and me...we need her to put all the puzzles together I need her...to know him...God,why do i do this!? Im going crazy...starting to feel that sessions with Gina are comforting and therapeutic for me.
"I would be improvising and he would just correct me...one time i called myself...you...a bad girl. But he stopped and demanded me to never say this again...he thought that everything bad that youve done was justified...it was survival." - Gina was sitting right in front of me telling me about who i was for Stahl. His words about healing popped up in my head. He really meant it.But how could he heal anyone when he was sick and lost more than me...Stahl is deeply confused and deranged...and at the same time calculated and highly skilled. Throughout our tumultuous history there were time when i could see a normal vulnerable person...witty and even brave...God, i even liked him sometimes! Its bizarre!
Handsome tall blue-eyed young man with a posture of a king, always neat,precise and in order on the outside. That was a Total opposite of his inside. When i first saw him i thought to myself "What a clean-cut man". If only i knew what he had in mind. Appearance is a very delusional thing.
But i always thought that i was better than him. Now im not sure...We are more alike than i thought at first. Both brilliant liars, skilled monipulators and both ambitious to the core. Our sins made us dangerous for others around us.
We are both compulsive winners...neither one of us can accept a failure.My drive is my daughter, his drive is control. He is a control freak because he knows how easy it is for him to fly off the handle. How many times i saw extreme rage in his eyes while his voice and posture stayed intact. That was scarier than any tantrum that he could throw. I still can hear his phrase "You will ask for mercy" that he wispered to me when i ruined his career. Stahl was cold on the outside while burning up inside.
During one of the sessions Gina told me that there were times when Stahl wanted her to stay with him for the whole night, just laying beside him,holding his hand. There were times when he was demanding and rough with her, using handcuffs. And as i could tell his fantasies and behavior with Gina depended on what was going on between me and him in reality. If he thought that i was under his control, he would be very gentle with her. If i had my way and disobeyed his orders, he would punish Gina. My actions reflected on his behavior with her.
I despised Stahl for his obsession with me but now ive become just as obsessed with composing his profile. What was happening to me could be described as post-traumatic stress syndrome. I was consumed by idea that Stahl is near and he is watching, waiting for the right moment. That time when i chased a man in the cap, I promised myself to stop. Even Woz told me that Stahl would never come back because it would be a suicide for him. But i couldn't do a thing with endless agony in my head and before
going to work i played that 911 call again.
On Thursday i came to Gina even though we planned to meet on Saturday. I couldn't wait.
- Please, tell me more about what he would say to you while you were having sex? - my voice was raspy and tired. I couldn't recognize myself anymore.
- He...he didn't talk a lot during...he would just say your name...or during foreplay he would say that im...you are his girl...and you should remember it...he owns you...one time he said that he was the only one who understood you...- Gina was still uncomfortable being the source for me. She couldn't look me in the eyes.
- What did he want you to say to him? - i was interrogating her with a grim mask on my face.
- Something like...i surrender to you...- Gina got up and poured some water in the glass.
I remembered my failed attempt to seduce and drug him. He was trying so hard to resist temptation and reject me. And i was saying those words to him. Instinctively i knew what he wanted to hear. And of course ive seen him and Gina on a video. But it wasn't enough for me so i decided to hear details from Gina...does it make it any better...im sick...
- Harlee, i think that Stahl was so obsessed because he couldn't have you...he knew that you wouldn't surrender to him...it made you extremely appealing for him...- Gina looked at me with compassion in her eyes.Compassion from a hooker. That's a new low for me.
- I'll call you.. - I stormed out her appartment like someone was chasing me.
That night i couldn't sleep as usual. I couldn't take it any longer and took a sleepng pill. I knew that they are highly addictive but i needed to sleep so desperately.
- Can i offer you a drink? - Familiar suave voice.
I opened my eyes. Stahl stood,leaning against the wall. I looked around and recognized his scarily neat and blank appartment.It already happened when i came to him and tried to manipulate him into giving my crue an immunity. He offered me a drink after I kissed him for the first time and he pretended to call Gail Baker. I was replaying that situation again.
- Harlee, do you hear me? - Agent Stahl was completely calm and collected as always. Only the sparkle in his blue eyes was showing his excitement that was boiling inside.
I looked down and saw that i was wearing the same black coat and holding my cellphone in my hand. The first urge was to scream, then pull out a gun and shoot him. But i couldn't move a muscle.
- Stahl...- I mumbled quietly feeling like my body weight was 10 times bigger than it actually was. I couldn’t move any of my limbs.
- I can pour you some wine or whiskey...- He wasn't moving a muscle either.
- Wine...a glass of wine...- My mind was spinning and i just wanted to see where i could go with this scenario. In reality that time i left him right after he asked about having a drink.
Stahl came up to his bar and poured two glasses of red wine. He was moving slowly like a well-fed cat. He didn't come close to me to hand me the drink. He just put it on the table between us.
- How far are you willing to go, Harlee? - His voice was so smooth like he wanted to lull me. I was staring at him, desperately trying to move my body in any direction. I felt like i was tied up again. Helpless and alone with him.
- Why did you save me? Why didn't you just let me bleed out? - Tears started to blur my sight.
- That was never my intention...i wanted you safe and sound...you hurt youself,Harlee...- He gave me one of his almost unnoticeable smirks.
- What would you do if i didn't slit my wrist? You would kill me anyway! - I started shaking all over.
- Harlee...your subconscience can give you a hint...you need me just like i need you...im the only one in your life that can make you question yourself...before me you didn't even care what you were doing, you were comfortable doing bad things...no consequences...I made you see who you've become... - Stahl started to make his way to me. His voice became distant.
- Don't twist it around! Stop it! Leave me alone! - I didn't want to hear that answer because it was the truth.
- Harlee, let me set you free from all your gilt...let me bring you to justice so you can repent your sins...- Stahl was close enough to grab me but he was just standing and looking at me.
- Im gonna erase you from the face of the Earth! I promise you! - I screamed right in his face, trying to hold back my tears.
- You can do it for sure but you will never erase me from your memory...im in your head,Harlee...and i will stay there...forever...- I felt his fingers touching my cheek,wiping away my tears.
I woke up soaking weat. My sheets and pillow were drenched with my sweat.
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Next day i felt extreme urge to see Gina. I went to her appartment.I was frantically knocking on her door, begging her to let me in. She was inside but didn't want to talk to me. I bet she was scared of me. At first it was Stahl and now crazy detective is using her.
I was completely lost. When Christina came home,she started insisting on therapy. And i agreed almost right away because
i couldn't live like that anymore.
My therapist was "the best in New York" like Woz said. It was an obese man in his 60 with sad wise eyes and low raspy voice.First of all he started digging into my childhood which was full of poverty and danger. Then it was Miguel's turn.
- How can you describe your feelings for him in the beggining?
- It was so long ago...i was naive and seeking some kind of comfort and security...Miguel seemed... - My concentration on his question started to vanish as fast as i remembered the sound of Miguel's neck snapping.
- He seemed like a right choice for a girl that never had a powerful figure in her life, you wanted a strong man but... - He was looking at me with some kind of condescendence.
- Miguel was a brutal narcissistic jerk...- I ended his sentence.
- He was in control and abusing his power over you...it effected you, made you question everyone around you...you don't let anyone close... - He was mumbling while writting something in his big notebook.
- I can't let anyone hurt me anymore...i will do anything to stop it...- My headache became unbearable. I wanted to leave that therapy so badly.
- Ms Santos, concentrate on your anger. Don't supress it. Do you despise men? Do you try to outdo and outsmart them anytime you have a chance to do it? - His stern arrogant tone was pissing me off.
- What are you talking about? Im not a man-hater! - I sprung up surpressing myself from punching him right in his face.
- Im talking about you, Harlee. There's a part of you that you are not proud of and you are in denial. - He adjusted his glasses nonchalantly.
- I don't know why you make such a stupid conclusion! You don't know me at all! - I was standing above him with balled-up fists.
- Im a professional with 40 years of practice. Ive helped women like you, Ms Santos. - He was calm and totaly sure that i wouldn't hit him.
- You are so full of yourself,Mr Lattimore! Im a strong woman! Im a cop! I like good men who respect women as their equals!But i can't stand a man who thinks that he is better than everyone else! - I felt rage boiling inside of me like a lava.
- Good for you, Ms Santos. As i can see now, you don't have a lack of energy and you are clearly not depressed. - He took off his glasses and smiled at me.
- What does this mean?! - I looked at him trying to undestand what was happening.
- Ms Santos, i was told that you have depression and i needed to check this theory. Im sorry if it made you angry... - His voice became smooth like silk.
I was trying to catch my breath.
- Please sit down... Depression has very specific symptoms. One of the main ones are constant lack of interest and exhaustion. If you had a depression, you wouldn't react to my questions like you did. - He put aside his notebook.
- Than it was a test...great...- I sat down crossing my legs, finally getting a grip on myself.
- Let's talk about the main ussue. The man who kidnapped you. Are there any similar traits with Miguel? - He looked at me with curiosity.
- Yeah...they are both controling sociopaths...both very good pretenders...but i thought that Stahl had more humanity in him - My mind generously threw me a memory of Stahl helping to rescue Christina.
- So you don't think that he is a monster and more a confused lost man...- He nodded to me approving my answer.
- I...i don't know...i still can't understand why he called 911 and saved me from bleeding out...he...i just don't know what to do to get him out off my head... - I felt nausea kicking in.
- I think that you have such a hard time dealing with that trauma because you feel guilt and think that maybe you could have donesomething differently...so Agent Stahl wouldn't descent...wouldn't do what he did... - His voice sounded so affirmatively.
- I feel such a crazy mixture of feelings...i don't know what to say...- I hung my head completely confused.
- Ms.Santos, let's switch a topic. Do you feel your power over men? Im talking about your appeal - He opened his notebook again.
- Ive never had a lack of attention from men...i always knew that it works to my advantage...and yes,i likе it...- I looked at him trying to figure out where he was going with that question.
- Did you monipulate Agent Stahl by giving him an ilussion of attraction on your part? - His stern tone returned.
- Yes, i did...only when i was at my wits end...- I felt very uncomfortable answering that question.
- Did you feel in control when you were monipulating him? - His voice got lower.
- I felt...calm because i knew his weekness...yes,i was in control - I remembered the rush of adrenaline everytime i had to use Stahl's infatuation.
- Did you like that feeling? - He started scribbling something in his notebook.
- What are you hinting at? You think that i took pleasure in that situation? - I snapped. My nerves got the best of me again.
- I think that you are so afraid of losing a grip that you're constantly searching for a way to be on top and always be a leader. - His words sounded like a verdict.
- Because im a single mom, because i've been hurt so many times, because i will never let anybody push me down the stairs
ever again! - I was trying to keep my composure but i could hear my heart pounding so loud in my ears.
- Ms Santos, im not accusing you of anything. We are just talking. - He smiled at me calmly.
- I need help to cope with my insomnia and with my hallucination! I see Stahl! I feel his presence! I see him in my dreams! - I couldn't stop shaking. My body was so stressed out.
- Harlee, i can't prescribe you a pill to make it all go away. Its in you head. If you don't face your biggest fears, if you don't sort it out with yourself, it won't be over. - He was looking at me with compassion for the first time.
- Ok! I liked that feeling! I felt confident with Stahl because i saw how obsessed he was with me! I put the camera in his bedroom to know for sure! I saw what he was doing with a prostitute! I felt like i could use his desire! That's it! -I didn't care if it sounded histerical.
- Is it all?Have you ever felt anything for that man? - He was pushing me further.
- Are you crazy? Of course not! How could i? I loved one man who...was killed not long ago... - I choked on tears that started to pour out.
- Don't hold back, you can cry...its better to let it out...Harlee, your history shows that you are attracted to men with power, intellect and drive for control...that's why i think that deep down you were attracted to Agent Stahl... - He handed me a handkerchief with fatherly aproach.
- You mean that i liked Stahl? - I couldn't believe my own ears.
- Yes. What did you feel when you had encounters with Stahl? When you had to use his obsession? - His piercing wise eyes were staring at me waiting for my answer.
- I...felt...God,you're twisting everything around...- I grabbed my head feeling completely lost.
- Answer to yourself...did you feel disgust? - His monotonous voice was crushing my skull.
- Yes!And No! I can't describe it...- I remembered the first time i resorted to kissing him. I didn't feel repulsed. His passion was so obvious and extreme. It was like i touched fire with my bare hands. I pulled away from him,trying to catch my breath.
- Ms Santos, i think our first session is very usefull for you. You have to come to terms with yourself and get rid of the shame that you are bearing...next time i...
- There will be no "next time", Mr. Lattimore! You are messing me up even more! Thanks for nothing! - I stood up abruptly, not letting him finish his sentence.
He didn't say anything while i made my way to the door. He knew that it would be better to keep his mouth shut.
Woz was furious. Christina was trying to convince me to go again but i stood my ground. That therapist made me question my sanity more than before. I decided to cope with it alone like i always did. I spent the night trying to fall a sleep. I tried everything - counted sheep, visualized relaxing scenery,read some kind of book about animals. I just didn't want to take a pill, because i thought that i would see Stahl. But it wasn't about the effect of that pill. I was fooling myself. When the clocks struck 2 am, i went to the bathroom. My redlection in the mirror horrified me. It wasn't me. I lost a lot of weight and dark circles under eyes got so big that i looked like a zombie. And that big messy curly hair of mine was the only thing that still stayed the same. Stahl made Gina wear a wig so he could pretend that he was having sex with me.
- God Dammit, Stahl! - Rage boiled over me and i took scissors starting to cut my hair, just trying to make my bushy hair disappear.
- Harlee, poor soul...losing control over yourself... - Soothing voice, so familiar to me cut silence.
- No... - My voice cracked. I saw Stahl standing in the doorway totally intact and with a smirk on his face.
- Yes, it's me...you keep calling me...so im here... - He walked right up to me.
- Don't do this to me! Stop! - I felt my knees buckling.
- I'm not doing anything, Harlee...it's you who is holding scissors - He stepped closer with an innocent face.
- I will kill you if you... - I put scissors right to his neck. My hands were shaking.
- Do it...you know when someone really decides to kill somebody, he doesn't warn that special person...- Stahl smiled at me like a child who was playing his favorite game.
- Stahl...you're not real...its just a dream...- My mumbling was so pathetic.
- Im real for you, Harlee...- He streched out his hand and touched my hair.
- Please...go away... - My head was spinning.
- Your hair is you...its your embodiment...wild messy sensual and free...- I could see tenderness in his eyes.
Stahl slowly laid his hand on my scissors and gently put it down. He made me turn around and look in the mirror.
- That's my girl...- My reflection was staring at me with my curly hair totaly intact like i didn't cut it.
I woke up abruptly with a book in my hands.
Chapter Text
Life was getting more and more complicated. Gina was found dead in her appartment, stabbed right in the heart. Forensics claimed that she was killed by a very skilled person. It was a sympathetic murder because Gina didn't feel any pain, it was instant death.I knew it was Stahl right away. Of course no one wanted to believe me. More over Gina's neighbour told that I came to her and was banging on her door for 2 minutes. Woz and Tess were intorragating me like i had something to do with a murder. I was frantic.
I rushed home trying to get away from everybody. When i was pulling up to my neighborhood, i heard something falling under my feet.I looked down and saw a knife with blood stains on it. My mind went blank.
- That wasn't me...i left because she didn't open the door...i remember it clearly...so it's Stahl...i know...- I was sitting im my car trying to collect myself.
- Im not crazy...he is just trying to set me up...frame me for Gina's murder...- My mind was recoverring. I took a handkerchief and picked up the knife.
- I need to get rid of it...- I looked in the rearview mirror. Panic took over me.
I drove to a Dumpster on the outskirts. That bloody knife was burning my hand. I threw it away,shaking like an autumn leaf that was
barely hanging on a branch.
- Mom, im home! - Christina's angelic voice woke me up from my misery.
- Im here - My voice cracked like a broken string.
- Mom, why are you sitting in the bathroom? - She sounded worried.
- Ive just had a shower... - I was trying to wipe away the tears and dry my eyes. I didn't want my daughter to see me like this.
- I'm waiting for you! Ordered some pizza for us! It will be delivered in 5 minutes...- Christina was the only one who could brighten up my day.
We had a dinner and i put on my best performance for her. I had to be strong for my sweet little baby.
The night came again. I was so scared to fall asleep and at the same time it was the only thing that i was craving. After 4 hours of battling myself i decided to take control of the situation if i saw Stahl again. I had to be in control of my own dreams.
- Mi carino...- I felt someone's hands on my waist.
- Miguel! - Black haired man with dark eyes was right in front of me.
- Yes,mamacita...in flesh...- Miguel was staring at me with his repulsive smile.
- You are dead!Its just a dream! - I pushed him away with all my might.
- Harlee...don't be rude...- I heard painfully familiar voice behind me.
- No! - I turned around and screamed at the top of my lungs.
- Im here for you, Harlee... - James was standing in all his glory,untouched by death. His kind and pure eyes were looking at me with sheer compassion. Only he could look at me like that.
I was standing in the room where i snapped Miguel's neck, wearing my bathrobe.
- Guess what we are both here for you...your angel and your devil...- Miguel's voice made me cringe.
- Go away,Miguel! James, i can't live without you...help me...i can't...- I was trying to come closer to James but every step i took, made me move farther from James.
- Please! James! - I couldn't get to him. My body was so week.
- Harlee...you have to face the consequences...if it wasn't for you, this angel boy would be alive...- Miguel sat down on the chair lighting up a cigarette.
- Shut up! - I cried in agony. Tears were blurring my sight and James's silhouette was vanishing.
- Harlee, i would be alive, if i didn't meet you...- James's voice became distant and cold.
- That's right...you see what you have done to him and to me...I just wanted to get my life back...you stole it from me! - Miguel stood up and started to walk right to me with malice in his eyes.
- No! No! You were trying to rape me! I didn't have a choise! James, please! - I streched out my arms to James, desperately seeking his protection.
- It doesn't make it ok, Harlee! You are a murderer! - James crossed his arms, showing me that he wasn't going to help me in any way.
- Yes,accept it, Mi carino - Miguel slowly wrapped his arms around my neck.
- James!- I was fighting but it felt like Miguel was made of stone. I couldn't push him away.
- You suffocated that man in the bathroom, making me your accomplice! Saperstein and Gina are dead because of you! - James was roaring at me with his face full of anger. It wasn't MY James!
- Please!Help me! - Miguel was choking me and James wasn't going to save me.
- It's the end!He won't help you because he is too righteous!He's always been like this but you were trying to pretend that you
were good ...so you could be with this perfect man...But you are not good,Harlee! He will never understand you... - Miguel was hissing like a snake,filling me up with his poison.
- Stahl!!!- I scremed with the last breath that i had in me.
Instantly i heard a gunshot and Miguel's body fell on the floor. I covered my bruised neck, trying to catch my breath.
- So it always comes down to this...- Stahl's seemingly condescending tone sent shivers down my spine.
- You are both doomed...- James spit those words and vanished like he was never there.
- Harlee Santos? - Two cops were standing in my doorway with a warrant.
- Yes - My morning was totally nightmarish as well as my nights.
- You are arrested on suspicion of killing Gina Romero. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law - I was handcuffed without hesitation.
- Mom!What's going on?Let her go! - Christina run down the stairs trying to intervene.
- It's going to be ok,baby! Call Waz... - I was so drained that i didn't feel any panic or fear.
- Mom! - Christina was crying loudly.
- It's just a mistake...- I squeezed out some kind of smile for Christina and lied to her again.
Chapter Text
I knew that it was about the knife. But i couldn't even imagine that there were the photos of me throwing it away.
- How can you explain this? - I was intoragated by Katie Myers from FBI.
- First of all who took these photos? - Old Harlee was still there.
- Ms. Santos, this tactic won't work. I ask question and you answer. - She was looking at me with no emotion on her face.
- I found that knife in my car...i didn't kill Gina. Why would I? You should remember that i was talking about Agent Stahl and that i saw him. It was him. I came to you! I told you! He tries to frame me,don't you see! Who could take these pictures except him? - I was adamant that it was all his plan. How stupid! I fell into his trap.
- Ms. Santos, don't you remember that we checked that footage in the subway. It wasn't him. Have you been to psychiatrist after your kidnapping? - Katie Myers always had negative vibes for me but this time she wasn't even trying to hide it.
- I'm not crazy if you are hinting at it. Completely sane unfortunately for Stahl. - I stubbornly crossed my arms hardly keeping my cool.
- I'm not saying that you are crazy...I think that trauma can effect your mental state in so many ways...uncontrolable rage, hallucination,blackouts and paranoia...you weren't treated after that incident - She gave me the look of superiority like she knew everything in this world.
- It's not my case...i'm alright... - I was trying to sound as confident as i could. But i knew that Myers was right even though it was painful to admit it to myself.
- Harlee, let's be clear. Im here to get help for you...You visited Gina Romero on multiple occasions and 2 days prior to her death she called to say that she was afraid of you. - Myers leaned over like she was telling me a secret.
- No...that doesn't make any sence...i didn't harm her in any way! - I couldn't believe my own ears. The room started to spin.
- I have her call recorded. Ms Romero told that you were obsessed with Agent Stahl and was unstable...and you were watching the videos from survelance cameras from Stahl's bedroom that you hid there...those videos where Ms Romero was pretending to be you...- Her voice was banging im my ears like a drum.
- It's not true! Not true! - My blood was boiling up and i hardly supressed the urge to stand up.
- Also she claimed that the day you were kidnapped, you called Agent Stahl to your appartment and tried to drug him. Ms Romero told that you said that the only way to stop him was to kill him... - Myers didn't have any doubt that i killed Gina. Just by the look in her eyes i could tell that.
- Lies! Stupid lies! I've never told Gina anything about the day that i was kidnapped! I've never told her about cameras! I payed her for information about Agent Stahl! She talked - I listened! - I was furious and couldn't supress myself anymore.
- Calm down, Ms Santos. - Katie warned me with a stern look on her face.
- I can't be calm!This is outrageous! She couldn't know about that!Only if...only if Stahl told her!Oh,my God! - I grabbed my head frantically.
- Yes. It's also the part of his big plan. - Meyers gave me a smirk.
- Yes it is!!!Don't you see!He came to Gina,forced her to call and say these things!Than He killed her! Threw me that knife in my car!That's all HIS PLAN! - i hit the table and jumped up balling up my fists.
- Harlee...you are delusional!Stahl is gone. He is not in the town. You need help. Gina's murder is a tragic result of your PTSD...-She stood up nodding to the cops to walk in.
- No!Katie!Who sent you these photos?Who?! - I grabbed her by the collar.
- It doesn't matter! They speak for themself! Get her out of here! - She didn't want to listen to me.
I was handcuffed and taken to detention cell like a real criminal. Irony of it all. I used to be on the other side...or not.
My mind was so stressed that i couldn't concentrate on one thought. Headache was unbearable.
"Woz must be knocking all the doors to get me out of here but with these photos it will be impossible to do. My poor Christina!She doesn't know anything...she doesn't know who her mother really is...maybe i belong here..." I didn't know hom much time passed. Probably 3 hours when the door creaked and i saw Woz.
- Harlee... - He opened his arms to embrace me. I could see how much sadness he was trying to hide from me.
- I've screwed up, Woz...big time... - I rested my head on his shoulder.
- Nothing's unfixable except for death...why didn't you tell me about the knife? - He petted my head in his fatherly manner.
- You had so much on your plate...i didn't want to add to it...Stahl is here, Woz...it's him...- I couldn't supress my tears anymore.
- I know... - Woz's low voice sounded so comforting.
- You believe me...im not crazy, Woz...- He stood by me and that feeling was incomparable.
- I know you couldn't kill her...i know you,Harlee...no matter what they say...- Woz held me tightly to his chest like a guardian angel.
- Thank you...i guess now need a lawyer,right? - I found strength to look into his face and smile.
- I will find Stahl,Harlee! I promise! - Woz gave me that special headtilt and raised his left brow like only he could. I knew he was dead serious about that promise.
- Take care of Christina...protect her...- I knew that he would do that even if i didn't ask him. But i said it anyway.
He left and i was alone with my misery again.
I was pinching myseld not to fall asleep. How week i became...
- He won't win...there's a neighbour who saw me when i was banging on the door...why would i go there and do it if i killed her already...doesn't make any sence...no...they will try to show my insanity and play that Gina's call...dammit...Stahl...damn you...he wants to make me look like a psycho...like i was the one who was obsessed and he was a victim...Jesus...what a prick...- I was mumbling to myself.
- Yeah...what a prick,Harlee... - I opened my eyes to see Stahl standing infront of me.
- I'm not scared...you are not real...- I covered my face trying to isolate myself from him.
- Harlee...im not going anywhere...- His voice was taunting me. I could hear the same excitement in his tone just like when he was feeding me that soup.
- No!You're not here! - I stood up and started pinching myself to wake up.
- Poor Harlee...you are in a big trouble...- He wispered obviously enjoying every second of my torture.
- Shut up and go to Hell! - I screamed covering my ears. His voice was nauseating.
- Harlee...- Stahl hummed my name.
- Stop! - I was pressing my hands to my ears as hard as i could but i still could hear him.
- I'm inside your head...you can't mute me...- I felt his calm breathing right next to me.
- I'll kill you... - I hissed with all my hatred, opened my eyes and punched him in his pale face.
He started laughing,not trying to avoid my attack or defend himself. I was punching him so hard that my fists started to bleed.
- You are not going to win! - My rage was extreme. It completely took over me. He fell on the floor and i jumped on him grabbing his neck.
- Go ahead, Harlee...just another kill...it's become your habit...- His face was covered in blood. Only his blue piercing eyes were crystal clear.
- Don't twist my mind! I know that i'm not like you!I'm not crazy! - Tears were treacherously filling my eyes.
- We are connected...can't you see it? - His cold eyes were fixed on me without blinking.
- No! - I sqeezed his neck tighter but nothing could hurt him.
- That's why your subconscious calls me everythime...you can't let go... - He was lying completely unfazed while i was trying my best to choke him.
- YOU can't let go! I'm just can't be calm because you are still alive and you are trying to ruin my life... - I spat through my teeth.
- Oh,Harlee...you've already ruined your life...i was just a trigger for your conscience to finally appear...can you answer one question? Why did you call me,when Miguel was suffocating you in your dream? Not Woz...me...- Stahl squinted his eyes.
- I...it doesn't matter! - He caught me off guard and he knew it. My hands couldn't squeez anymore. I was losing control.
- Harlee, you're still in denial - His snaky voice was ringing in my head like a doorbell.
- Stop it... - I was drained by his incessant brainwashing.
- You can't live with the guilt,Harlee...there are bad people who have no remorse but you...you are just lost...i'm showing you the way...- He slowly put my hands down on his chest with immence tenderness.
I woke up in my cell,feeling completely broken. Harlee Santos was holding on by a thread.