Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"I wish upon the Holy Grail; I pray you find a world where you won't have to suffer any longer. I pray that you meet kind people. I pray that you find friends you can laugh with. I pray you find… a second chance….a warm, small…share of happiness…."

My eyes open. My vision was blurry. My head hurt and I was having trouble breathing. My mind wasn't working properly. Much more than warmth, the heat around me was unbearable. A world of flames was all around me. The stench of burning flesh, metal and concrete bring me to my senses. It was strange, but the scene before me was familiar.

That was disconcerting.

My vision once blurry, slowly becomes clear. Amidst the rubble I stand up. I wasn't sure if I was dreaming. I could have sworn that I had lived through this before, yet there was something off.

I was carrying something heavy. I look down and in my arms was a toddler wrapped in cloth, black hair and red eyes? Right, they were originally that color before she wished that….

"A tool of a tool. When she wished for you two to be true siblings, you had no choice to become her "big brother". Did that thought ever occur to you?"

A nagging voice in my head, belonging to a man that couldn't possibly be a priest. "Tool", I take offense to the word. I force that thought out and continue walking. The weight in my arms reassures me. Both the scenery and the child were nostalgic, but they did not belong together.

She does not belong in a place like this.

That was why I had to walk. I put power into my legs, but they were weak and child like. It seemed like I was a lot younger than I imagined myself to be.

I walk, I walk and walk, until something obstructs my path.

It was an arm sprouting from the rubble.

"HELP! I can't feel my legs, someone….someone…..pull me out….."

I grit my teeth and walk around it.

"someone…..pull me out….."

What started out as a scream settled into silent gasps in the distance. I could not cover my ears, so all I could do was ignore them.

I keep walking. I keep walking. I keep walking.

I ignore the dark burning lumps. I ignore the wreckage. There were those who were walking about like me, but as soon as they stopped by those ghastly trees and reached for them, they too would become black lumps. I ignore the cries.

I knew first hand what would happen to us if we stopped.

I keep walking. I keep walking. I keep walking.

*cough*cough*

My lips tense up as I heard that sound, it was clear that she was having trouble breathing. The burden I was carrying was heavy. My arms were screaming to let go, but I did not.

"A big …..brother protects his little sister," was something that escaped my mouth.

Where did those words come from? Meaningless words, but I could not deny them. My little sister needed to be saved, my little sister deserved more, that was the only thing in my head. In this surreal world, that was the only truth. The words were a waste of breath from a pragmatic point of view, yet because of them, I could continue living. As I was still alive, I could continue to walk. I kept moving forward, so my sister could be saved. In that sense, nothing has changed.

I keep walking. I keep walking. I keep walking. My shoes have been burned away and my bare feet are cut upon the brimstone. They bleed, but even so, I continue to walk. The terrain was irregular.

"COME BACK HERE!" someone yells.

The cries for help eventually turn into curses, but I don't stop. I can't stop. I push forward, but the fire around us is ever present.

Each step was getting heavier, but I force myself to keep walking. I could not stop. I will not stop. My body answers my request and a tingling sensation floods through my legs. It wasn't much, but it was just enough to take me past my limit.

I keep walking and take strides wider than any I had taken before.

Was it magic? The answer didn't matter. All that mattered was I could continue walking.

I keep walking and walking, for what seemed like hours, but the scenery did not change. It was then…..

"Gahh….."

My foot had got stuck in something and I had tripped. I break the landing with my shoulder. A sharp pain, but nothing I didn't experience before. The smoke was getting thicker.

*cough*cough*

I was coughing, but so was she. Her breathing was getting irregular. I was going to die, but before that, my little sister was going to die and that was something I could not accept.

My leg was stuck. It wouldn't budge. Would it be better if I just cut it off? No, Miyu would die for sure if all I could do was crawl.

I grit my teeth. It was all for nothing wasn't it? The situation was hopeless. There was no way we were going to live.

As I lay there on the brimstone, meaningless questions flood my head.

Where were we? Who were we? What did she do to deserve this? None of that matters. None of that matters now. None of that matters and that made me angry.

I was weak. I couldn't change anything. Now, all I could do now was wish, wish for my sister to be saved, for Miyu to be saved. Wishing was nothing more than a coping mechanism.

"There's always someone who wants to save the world. Always forcing others to do what they cannot do for themselves," were words I must have said to someone once.

In the end, I was nothing more than a fraud. I prayed. I prayed and prayed for my wish to come true, even if it was a meaningless gesture.

I prayed. I prayed and I prayed some more.

My sins have caught up with me. There was no out. No one will come. My sister will die. My sister will die. Even if it has become evidently clear for such a thing to be true, I still continue to wish. I still continue to dream.

It was then he appeared. A man in a trench coat standing over us.

"You're….alive….you're both alive…."

A familiar, yet unfamiliar face. In my memories, that face was always cold, yet I could only sense warmth in that smile of his. Even though he was the one saving, tears of relief stream from his face. If nothing else, the familiar stranger was sincere about his desire to save us.

Miyu was on death's door step in this world of fire and brimstone. She should have been beyond saving and yet there it was, that warm heavenly light. A far cry from the harsh heat that surrounded us. Something that humans strive for but could never reach.

It was then I realized that my wish was granted.

The name Shirou was the only thing I could recall about myself with a semblance of confidence. The name Miyu was the only thing I knew to be true about the child I was found with. The man that saved us adopted us and we both took the name Emiya. Emiya?

Maybe I should have been a more considerate step-son, but once I regained most of my strength, I snuck out of the hospital while Miyu was still being examined. A miracle, the doctors had exclaimed. In truth a miracle did happen, so I wasn't worried. What worried me now was an unsettling feeling under my skin that the nightmare wasn't over. I needed to revisit the place where he had found us…...alone. To find any loose ends and tie them up.

I ignored the yellow tape and avoided the gazes of the police officers in the area. Beyond all reason, I had an obligation to see everything to the end.

The fire had died down, and all that was left was burnt rubble. The bodies had already been cleared away. They weren't here anymore, there was no one, the people I ignored so Miyu could be saved were gone. The trees were all withered. There was nothing here. Nothing here at all. I had wanted to know who I was, who Miyu was, but it seemed like there would be no answer. All I knew was that someone was chasing her and I had to stop them. If our pursuers were to show up, it would be here.

I take the scenery in, a land devoid of all life, or it should have been.

Before I could take everything in, I felt something. A change in the wind and a tension in the air, the first of many.

Garbed in red, mindless and vindictive, a large white haired vagabond was charging at me with swords at a pace beyond what humans should have been capable of, yet I could see him coming. Beautiful twin swords glint in the sun, one black and one white.

"Kanshou and Bakuya?" the names simply roll off my tongue.

What was happening couldn't have been real. It could only have been a dream. There was no way humans could move like that. In fact, there should have been no one here. Reality must be a dream, then if everything is a dream, then…

"Trace On."

I invoke the familiar words, putting strength into my arms and legs that shouldn't have been possible. In my empty hands appeared the same otherworldly swords as my assailant.

The phantasmal blades clash; the otherworldly metal sings. Mirrors clash against mirrors.

He sweeps at my feet and only hits air. I slash at him from 2 angles, but he meets my attacks and surpasses them.

"Ho..ly...Grai...l" was what the thing groaned. When I heard those nonsensical words, I knew I had to cut down the one in front of me.

I'm on the defensive, but I knew my enemy and that was why he could never reach me. Ten, twenty, thirty strikes have been exchanged, but not once have I been grazed. It didn't matter he was stronger. It didn't matter he was faster. It didn't matter if he was bigger. In that mindless state of his, there was no way he could beat me.

Every time our blades clashed, I remembered. Well, I remembered how to fight at least. I push forward and my body screams.

His attacks, were my own and if I could see them coming, there was no way I could be done in. I wouldn't lose to myself. It was then, my opponent came to the same conclusion and had stepped back, dismissing the swords in a haze, materializing a bow in his hand in their place, but I was already a step ahead.

I throw my swords and trace an arc in the air. My entire body felt like it was burning.

"Haaahhhh," was my battle cry as I lunge forward. I wouldn't let him escape.

I had thrown my swords and in my hands, a new pair of swords had already materialized. The spinning blades surround the target. Opposites attract and like repels. Before he could materialize his own swords to intercept them, I had already made my move.

"Overedge…"

The difference in reach did not matter to fighters like us. That's what I had remembered and what he could not recall. My opponent is skewered by my twin swords. Blood had bloomed where I had stabbed him, but he promptly disappeared. In his place was something familiar.

A card. A card swaying back and forth in the wind. I catch it.

"Archer."

That was the word inscribed on the card, as well as a picture of a bowman. A fragment of "me".

It was unfortunate, but he would not be the last. There's always more than one after the Holy Grail. Holy Grail?

"Am I still dreaming?"

This world I lived in was nothing more than a dream. My memories were hazy for that reason. The sensation of the wind against my skin does not convince me otherwise.

"I pray you find a world where you won't have to suffer any longer."

Even so, I didn't want to wake up. For the sake of my little sister, this dream had to continue. Anything was better than the nightmare we had escaped.

I was no hero nor could I call myself one. Even so, I have a dream and if an enemy appears, I will cut them down. I will cut all of them down. That much was certain.

Dreams were fragile things after all.

5 years have passed since then and I had turned 12 as far as I knew.

Under the stars of the night sky, on a familiar porch,I was sitting next to the man that had saved us that day, Kiritsugu. He had called me out personally while Miyu was sound asleep. She had turned 6 and was starting elementary school soon after all.

Even though he was supposed to be our "father", he was always a little wary around us, no matter how kind he had tried to be. There were questions he had wanted to ask for years and it was on this night he had decided to ask them.

"You're a magus aren't you?" was what he asks.

I grip the stack of 7 cards in my pocket tightly. I had tried to cover the darker patches of my skin with makeup, but it seemed like he already knew. It was a familiar yet unfamiliar word. All I knew was it wasn't something nice to be accused of, especially by someone like Kiritsugu. I was on guard.

"Don't worry. I'm not angry….I knew from the start."

Saber, Archer, Lancer, Rider, Berserker, Caster and Assassin. Specters in pursuit of the Holy Grail. Every few months, maybe longer, they would appear and I would have to chase them. I didn't understand it, but something told me that Miyu cannot find happiness as long as they roamed this world.

Though clearly beyond human, the specters only had the minds of beasts, acting on instinct alone. Something was done to them, yet I didn't care. The only important thing was that I already knew how they fought as if I had fought them once before.

I had a dream, a wish after all.

I had cut them down to maintain this dream and I was expecting more. Specters that did not belong in the "normal" world. They were beings that could not have been real, but that flash of heavenly light that day was the same. That meant that Kiritsugu was a "magus" too. My brain told me that, that mages were universally "users", "users" of others. People that treated others like tools. Was he watching me? How much did he know? I load the sword barrel in my head.

Throughout those isolated battles with those "spirits", I always felt like someone was watching me. I needed to find that loose end, yet as I scoured the city after curfew after sneaking out of bed, I could never find anyone. My mind raced to the worst possible conclusion.

"What are you planning with my little sister?"

The threat comes out naturally as breathing, but Kiritsugu doesn't wince.

"If that's the first thing that comes to mind for you, then I'm relieved."

It appeared to be sincere, yet In the back of my mind, a voice was telling me that "Kiritsugu" would never say something like that. "Kiritsugu" stares into the sky and into the world above the clouds.

"When I was little, I wanted to be a hero."

A hero of justice would always prioritize the needs of the many over the few. A true hero of justice would sacrifice anything, anyone, to save the cluster of lives of greater number, even if that which needed to be sacrificed was family. Even if my memories were unreliable, I vividly knew the type.

"Did you give up?" was what I asked. It was something I needed to confirm.

"Being a hero is a limited time thing. When you get older, it gets harder to call yourself one….I made mistakes…...again…..and again…...I didn't realize it until it was too late….someone like me….saving the world?...It seems so stupid now….," he says with a heavy heart.

He tries to laugh it off as senile rambling, but it was clear it was a serious thing for him. I couldn't hate him. There was no ill will. The man beside me was no threat. He has always been nothing more than our guardian. I felt bad for even thinking such a thing. Even though he was unreliable as a father, even if he couldn't cook and his "job overseas" was dubious, he was not pathetic.

"It's not stupid."

Even if I could never become a hero, I couldn't deny the beauty in such a thing. To wish for others to be happy. That in itself couldn't be wrong. The reason we were saved and the reason why we needed to be saved in the first place, but even so..... I couldn't deny that a part of me admired Kiritsugu. I couldn't help but admire my dad. He was the one who had granted my wish after all.

"If anything else, you're a hero to us."

I wasn't reassuring him, I was only speaking the truth.

"So is it alright for someone like me to keep wishing?"

"That depends on the wish."

The weary man glances at the starry night sky.

"Then I wish, for all of my children to grow up strong and healthy."

Such was a mundane wish every parent deserving of the title makes for their children.

"It will definitely come true," was the promise that casually left my lips.

I didn't understand it then, the true weight of his wish.

"I'm glad."

Dad closes his eyes with a smile on his face and never opens them again.

One man's world would stay night forever.

Chapter Text

I watch them.

I watch from the distance, an older brother picking up his little sister from elementary school. A middle schooler with red hair and amber eyes, the "weirdo" who punched my older brother by "reflex", or that was how my older brother Shinji had explained it to me.

They're walking home just as they always do. He grips the smaller dark haired girl's hand so tightly as if she would disappear if he let go. They look happy. They're happy aren't they? As if they occupy their own little world.

They're so lucky, now only if there was a truck that would appear out of nowhere and deliver them to another world.

I'm a bad girl aren't I?

He quickly turns his gaze and glances in my direction and I quickly hide. Even though I can't see his face from behind the pole, I can feel his stare, fierce and unrelenting. Not anything like the gentle expression he had on before. He doesn't notice me. He doesn't notice me. I'm plain after all, completely uninteresting. No one notices me. No one notices me. So it would be arrogant to think he noticed me.

I have been watching the boy for a while now it seems. It would be fine if I was just a girl who was stalking the boy I liked, but I'm only following Grandfather's orders.

"Watch the Emiya boy."

The boy gingerly grips that small hand and continues walking. That girl is lucky isn't she? She has such a good brother. I watch them. I watch them. I watch them as they pass the overpass. I watch them crossing the street when the light turns green. I watch them across the street. I plan my route and continue my pursuit. I wonder why grandfather didn't just use familiars to watch him? Unless that boy too is a mage and can trace familiars back….no, it's impossible.

The way he holds that small hand, his considerate walking pace for someone smaller than him, such things are not things a proper mage should be able to do. For a proper mage, family members are just things. Things to be sold off. Things to be used. Like me.

Grandfather must have had a reason, but I'm just too stupid to understand it right?

I watch the pair or I should still have been watching, but I could see them no longer. It seemed I was lost in my stupid thoughts and lost them. How stupid of me right? Stupid stupid me.

My skin is crawling. It itches, but I'm used to the sensation. Focus Sakura. I slap my cheeks to get my mind on track.

As I run forward, I see the pair once again and see them stopping in front of a gate.

That's a very big traditional eastern-style house they live in isn't it? Quite rich aren't they? Not only does that cute little girl have such a caring brother, she comes from money too?

I'm really a bad girl aren't I?

"Huh?"

Someone had grabbed my shoulder. I turn my gaze and see a juvenile looking brunette with a pony tail and tracksuit.

"You've been at this for a while haven't you? Being shy is one thing, but it isn't good to keep things the way they are."

I'm being lectured? The young brown haired woman takes my arm and we approach the two siblings at the doorway. The boy glances in my direction and I cannot escape the amazon's grip.

"Fuji-nee….wait you're….," the boy starts.

I try not to meet the boy's gaze, but he suddenly puts his hands on my face, feeling for it.

"Sak..ura?..," he whispers.

It must have been my imagination. I'm a bad, bad girl. There's no way he should have known my name. My train of thought is broken when the older woman smacks the back of the boy's head.

"What was that for?" he says as he rubs his head as the older woman scolds him.

"You have no tact do you?"

"From someone who calls herself a home security guard?" the boy muses.

"Stop putting words into my mouth, I'm a 19 year old college student," she says with a wicked grin, beating her arm against her chest.

The boy clears his throat and extends his hand.

"Sorry, I'm Shirou and you are?" he says with a smile.

"...Sakura…," I force myself to say.

I take his hand. The hand of a nice boy. It's warm, but…

If he's nice to me, then he's nice to everyone. I'm not special. The truth is cruel, then lies must be kind. Kindness is a lie.

I can't expect him to help me. I can't expect him to save me. I know how it ends for people who try. That's why, I won't expect anything. I don't want him to save me. I don't need someone to save me. It's not like he would even try if he knew. I'm a bad girl.

"How nice. You get to hold a girl's hand, but…..what was up with that vacant stare earlier, Shirou? Saw a ghost? Love at first sight?" the woman teases the boy.

The boy looks away, but the older...no…..young lady nudges the boy all smug like until the little girl tugs on her leg.

"Stop bullying my brother," she says with her cheeks puffed out while pouting.

It was cute. If only I could be that cute.

"Do you want to help with dinner?….Fuji-nee….," the boy starts.

"Hey, I might not be able to cook as well as…," the college girl interjects.

The mature little girl stares at the childlike woman.

"Right….even an elementary schooler is a better cook," she says dejectedly on all fours.

"Make yourself at home," the little girl says as she bows.

"Watch the Emiya boy."

Well, staying for dinner doesn't contradict Grandfather's orders. I resign myself to my fate. Just as I resign myself to everything.

I stare at the boy and take in his features. I didn't notice before when I was watching him from the distance, but the bags under his eyes are hard not to notice. They are not something that belong on someone his age. Nor is my vacant expression. The kind boy too has things he wants to hide. He's a liar.

Even so, lies are kind.

The months pass and become years. Watching him standing over the stove while I stand over the cutting board with knife in hand has become something of a daily routine once school was over. Enough of staring, I clear my head.

Vegetables are in front of me and I cut them.

*swish*

I cut them. I cut, I cut, I cut. I cut them to pieces. The tomatoes and the cucumbers too.

*swish*swish*swish*

They were botanically fruit, but I cut them like vegetables. I cut them like vegetables, because they were vegetables.

*swish*

I cut them the way he taught me.

"Are you alright?" Miyu asks me with a worried look.

"I'm alright," I say as I shoot her with a smile.

A man and a woman preparing dinner while a little girl observes, while Taiga waits in the living room waiting for the food to be done. This must be what a normal family is like. That's a lie.

I cherish these ordinary days.

The days he spends fixing appliances around the school while I watch. Even my older brother comes to check on us from time to time. Which he shouldn't have.

"He's an idiot, but….he's a useful idiot," was my brother's way of complimenting someone.

Issei sometimes watches too. Though I wish he didn't.

The boy named Shirou is persistent and stubborn. When someone needs help, he'll comply, even if it's a hassle or even if it's impossible. I like it when he fails. I'm a bad girl.

He'll stubbornly insist that something can't be fixed can be fixed. His little sister doesn't help in this regard. After a few hours, Miyu would appear after she was done with the library and fixes it for him as if by magic. …..A grade skipping genius she is. A perfect girl that can do anything as long as she wishes for it. Something of a brother complex too…..

I follow him to his part time job as I take a position too.

I watch him fire arrows on the range. I like the way he does it. Not forcefully like others, but naturally, as if he was the bow itself. Like a machine.

I cherish these ordinary days…..and I'm sure he does too because we aren't ordinary.

These peaceful ordinary days won't last, but until then we will keep living this lie because the truth is cruel.

Senpai notches an arrow and draws the bowstring back.

"Do you have a dream, Senpai?" I ask, as he draws the bowstring.

"I'm living one right now... and I don't want to wake up," he answers. It seemed like something in him had chipped a little.

Even though there are things we cannot say to one another, I like to think we understand each other but that's only my delusion, my lie, my dream.

He releases the arrow and the cruel arrow strikes true.

Chapter Text

Behind every bounded field is a mage, though some mages are better than others. Bounded fields are a field of study in itself with various kinds and different uses. The most common ones employed conceal things from prying eyes. The one set up at school right now isn't one of the common variety, it's of the life force sucking variety. It wasn't subtle. The perpetrator was either really confident in challenging me or a complete amateur. I wait for night to descend.

Two hours have passed since the school has closed, so I'm the only one here…...plus Archer. An Archer, not a Saber. An Archer with amnesia no less! Those stupid clocks. One hour fast. How was that even possible? The image of dad's puzzle comes back into view. Dad really wanted to play a trick on me from beyond the grave at the most critical moment…

"Sloppy."

On the rooftop, I stand over the ominous 7 stroke mark, or what was left of one, since it looked like someone set off a bomb on top of it. It seems that someone was a step ahead of me. Just like the perpetrator, this second person, this do-gooder didn't think at all. That or everyone just wants to spite me. As the Second Owner appointed by the Mage's Association after my father's death, it's my responsibility to keep those of the sunlit world ignorant of existences like ours. It's supposed be be a prestigious position, but sometimes I feel like a glorified janitor. Would it kill that fake priest, my "legal guardian" to be a little more helpful?

It was then I heard a familiar explosion from below. It's him.

I hear it, the singing of metal and explosions. I turn my gaze down below and two figures come into view. A whirlwind of sparks and sounds. A mesmerizing dance of death. An ever-changing canvas of red, black and white sparks. Red is intercepted by the two opposites, so that more red does not spill.

Down below, a battle was taking place on school grounds. A spectacle that few get to see in a lifetime. A battle between two heroes…...one hero of old and….

"Emiya," is the name I blurt out.

Mages can sense other mages and the red headed boy, the fake janitor who attended the same school as me was clearly one. I honestly tried to apprehend him years ago, yet he would always manage to elude my familiars with those exploding swords of his. Those swords of his, I like to think are at least as expensive as my Amethyst statues, but he throws them around with so little regard as if he had an unlimited supply. Mages may operate under different rules than "normal" people, but in the end, as a practitioner of jewelcraft, I cannot deny that in this world, money was just as important as mana.

Metal continues to sing.

It's been a good solid minute since the fight began. Against a Servant, a minute might as well be an eternity. The red headed boy is perpetually on the defensive and is given no chance to counter attack. The sparks continue to fly. Those twin swords he was wielding against Lancer must be of excellent quality to tank the hits from a noble phantasm. Regardless of Emiya's skill, his defeat is inevitable. Even though he was clearly my superior in terms of combat, a mere human cannot match a legend of old. It's over for Emiya.

The sound of shattering metal resounds.

The swords shatter and it should have been the end, but are quickly replaced with swords of the same quality. I bite my lips. I can understand if the exploding swords he usually uses are supposed to be disposable, but…..looking closely, the swords he uses to parry blows from a crystallized myth were the same ones!

The spearman aims for an opening, but it is intercepted in the final moment.

With weapons of shorter length, the boy was at a disadvantage from the start. The spearman closes in, but the boy moves in even closer past the point of the spear. In any other fight, it would have been the correct decision, but right now, the boy was fighting a legend. I can't read the movements. All I see are a twirl of sparks, of red, black and white.

Time seemed to stop. I hold my breath.

A kick I couldn't read. The red headed boy is knocked away, air rushes out of his lungs and he uselessly throws his swords at his enemy only to miss. It's over. Lancer rushes in to skewer his defenseless opponent, but it was all a ruse. Red clashes against black and white.

The same swords?

In his hands were another pair of swords. The swords that should have missed swerve and spin, attracted like magnets to the new pair. Swords from all sides converge on Lancer's neck, but the spearman was no mere man. A hero would not be beaten by such tricks. With his godly speed, in one smooth continuous swing, Lancer shatters the swords behind him and the swords in front of him, quickly transitioning to an attack of his own. This raises quite the dilemma.

"Protection from arrows…...Projectile weapons are useless…..is there any way an Archer can beat a Lancer like that?"

"If an Archer had an unlimited number of Noble Phantasms, firing them without stopping, then a Lancer of that calibre could be beaten in a matter of days," is what my Archer Servant says.

"So it's impossible," is my response to Archer's little joke.

The spearman is clearly having a good time. To be able to hold out this long against a hero of legend, even against one that was clearly playing around like a cat is no small feat. The pace quickens and Emiya gets scratched here and there. Emiya gets disarmed, over and over again. It was then, the spearman in blue takes pause and changes his stance.

"Man, you're pretty good….….killing you here would be a waste….you seem like you would have been a fun Master," with his smile souring. I can sense the killing intent. The red headed boy will die now. I should have been happy. Emiya had always been a thorn on my side for years, yet….

Sakura's face surfaces in my mind. It's hard to avoid when they're together all the time. They were together on the archery range earlier today.

"Shoot him!"

What were my intentions. I did not know, but it mattered little. My intentions no longer mattered as Archer had already fired his arrow. An unusual spiral shaped "arrow" tears through space and it strikes the ground between the two combatants. In an instant, the battlefield is enveloped. That's bright. My eyes sting and are temporarily blinded.

When I regain my vision, a huge crater comes into view. Earth, stone and dust is scattered everywhere. Lancer must have bolted before the arrow struck the ground. What about? I scan the crater as the dust settles and I see him. Near the edge of that crater was Emiya still standing. The petal shaped barrier of light, what must have been a most potent conceptual weapon that he used to shield himself from the worst of it crumbles away and dissolves as he is left gasping for breath as his butt is planted into the ground. What was that?

Of the ten great gems I had stockpiled for this very war, I would need to consume one to achieve the same effect. Logically, Emiya must have spent something of equal value, something worth at least a decade of preparation just to hold off that one attack. In that case, I won't have to worry about him for the rest of this Holy Grail War, though my gut was telling me otherwise.

I jump down from the roof and Archer catches me before I hit the ground. I walk towards the boy cautiously. The little "spar" earlier could have been nothing more than a trap. He could very well be the Master of Lancer. The Fake Janitor, really? I approach slowly, but he doesn't react. As I get closer, I see the extent of his injuries. He's bruised in several places and he is cut in a few places but most importantly…..No command seals. He's not a Master. Good. That's one less thing to worry about.

"That's some stupid stunt you pulled, Emiya," I holler.

He turns his gaze, but his gaze is not on me. He's staring intensely a few feet to the side. Can he sense Archer? He tenses up and is on guard and Archer is the same. Emiya may be stronger than me in straight combat, but I had a heroic spirit by my side. In this situation, I was his superior.

"Time to get another hobby. Things will only get more dangerous from here, so stop playing hero," I tell him.

I played around the idea of reporting him to the Mage's Association years ago, but that runs the risk of being accused of incompetence by hackneyed bureaucrats. For the sake of the Tohsaka family, I couldn't lose my position for such a stupid reason, so I had tolerated him. To be fair, his little hobby does actually benefit me, only by virtue of scaring other potentially more troublesome mages away from the city.

As I get a closer look into his eyes, I notice the familiar bags forming under them. When does he even sleep? Even as I get closer, he doesn't bother getting up and continues to lie on the ground.

"Hero? No. I can never call myself such a thing."

Emiya stands up. He's bleeding here and there. He almost died fighting a living legend, yet he just casually walks everything off.

"Then what are you?" I ask him.

"Just someone's doting older brother," he says with straight face.

"Huh?"

It's true he has a little sister. It's true she skipped grades and is in Sakura's year, but in the end, she was just a little sister. A mage family can only have one magic crest and thus one heir. That is the general rule and I only know of one exception. The Emiya in front of me with the ridiculous power he had at his disposal was clearly the heir. Without the burden of magical studies, what that little girl did wasn't that special for anyone from a notable bloodline. Still, the issue of siblings should be a touchy subject for any mage.

"Can you explain it more clearly?" I say to reaffirm what I had heard.

"My little sister goes to this school. You saved me back there, so you have my thanks. It's good to know that you're not my enemy," he continues.

My face contorts. I don't know what expression I'm making right now, but I know this to be true. How can he say that with a straight face?

This was the longest conversation I had ever had with this boy and my buttons were already pushed. He was purposely steering the conversation. Little sister? You saved me? Not my enemy? I naturally draw my finger preparing a Gandr curse. I cannot help but make the comparison with Kirei. There was something similar about them I couldn't put into words. I cannot see Emiya as just some helpful do-gooder. The bout with Lancer earlier confirms that he is a threat I can no longer ignore. Of the 7 Servants of the Holy Grail War, only Saber has yet to be summoned. If he becomes a Master…..

"With power like that, you're actually chalking everything up to a sister complex?"

Emiya looks to the side and gathers his thoughts.

"Maybe it's a lot of things….the serial killings…..the fire….10 years ago in this very city." he suddenly says. I remember, all too well in fact and that's the problem.

Emiya stares into the distance and gathers his breath as if to remember something. Something he can never forget. His face is undoubtedly serious. It's quite scary actually.

"Families….. were toyed with….broken apart….stolen from…..used….. normal families just living their lives…..if there's even a small chance it will happen again….. that's not something I can overlook...…"

I don't buy it. I don't buy it at all. Someone who thinks like that can't possibly be a magus. The pursuit of knowledge is the goal of every proper mage. For the sake of reaching the Root, a magus is willing to put everything on the line including family. Like my father. Like me….

"You're lying," were the words that slipped out of my mouth.

Emiya faces forward as if his way of living was questioned. His face is…..

"I just want my family to live their lives without having to worry about anything. Are you saying that's wrong, Tohsaka?"

My breath stops for a moment. Old memories surface, of a family of four sitting still in front of a painter. I brush those memories away with black paint. My hands shake. I try to center myself, but the tension is broken by the buzzing of a cell phone. Cell phone? Emiya takes it out and it seemed like something in him had just chipped. He simply runs away. Making craters with each step. Craters with each leap. He runs away, paying no heed to his injuries. He runs away, paying no attention to me at all. It takes me a whole second before I realize that's what happened. I had hesitated.

"Wait a minute…..come back here!" I yell.

I was about to give chase, but as I look behind me, the sight of school comes into my vision. Filled with various craters from the previous battle. As the Second Owner, it is my duty to clean it all up, lest the activity of mages be known to sunlit world. That fake janitor!

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

In front of me is the doll papa replaced me with. A cute innocent little thing ignorant of everything. A cute innocent little thing that had everything that should have been mine. At this moment, I must have been smiling. Everything I have endured had lead to this point. I had lost many things up to this point. So many things, so many things that I might as well call it everything and I do, yet what did I even have in the first place? I came from a family of fakes after all. Papa was a liar and Mama was an imitation.

"So you haven't summoned it yet have you?" I say with a smile.

I won't need Berserker for this. No, rather this is something I would prefer to do with my own hands.

"Well, it would be no fun if everything ended too quickly."

I'll take it slow. Life is short; mine especially. It is the duty of an older sister to educate her younger sister. It would be a hassle if little sister unit runs away, so I'll just off a leg or two.

I pluck a strand of hair and prepare my weapon. Let's have fun with papa's cute little doll.

The tension is broken by a synthetic sound that permeates the air. Most likely came from something called a "cell phone". Good job little sister; I won't have to chase down our brother.

"Let's play a game of tag until Onii-chan comes back!"

With my makeshift sword suspended over me ready to fly, I aim for the leg.

"Install:Saber," were words dropped in an instant.

A dazzling glint in the light. My attack was deflected and my widened eyes take in the doll's form in its entirety. The doll had ditched the doctor costume and was now wearing a knight costume, but not any knight costume. The existence of the thing in front of me was undeniably a Servant, specifically papa's Saber from the last Holy Grail War.

Live or die. The outcome will be decided in the next split second.

"Berserker!" I call out.

The space in front of me explodes. My guardian knocks the little knight away along with the wall. That was close. I gather my breath along with my thoughts. Really, I should have expected something like this. Papa was always a cheater. That's why, I shouldn't have expected anything more. I walk out of the large impromptu door Berserker had made in the little shanty and stare into the small poor excuse of a yard. Black hair and amber eyes….

"Huh? You're still alive? Well, that's good, no that's great! I can't have you die too easily. I need to teach you thoroughly just how good you've had it up until now."

It must have been some sort of illusion. A little trick to get my guard down in front of the Saber Servant. It was a cheap trick, but a proper older sister should play along with her little sister's little games.

Saber and Berserker exchange a few blows, but it's no contest, Saber was really, really weak. Still, that disguise Saber is wearing is pretty durable. How did she even manage to put it on with her magic resistance? Well, it must not have been a proper summon. Saber was just too weak. More debris is kicked up and the clean noble Saber now finds herself in that filthy looking shed.

"I'm not going in there. I have you for that, Berserker."

With a single swing, Berserker disposes of that filthy looking building. Good riddance. I see "Saber" propping herself up with her sword and etched on the floor beneath her was a beautiful circle…..with familiar handiwork…...shining brightly…..

"That's mother's…."

Before I could get my thoughts in order, a large crack resounds in the air and Berserker is pushed back? Calm and collected with emerald eyes. A blonde beauty that could captivate both men and women alike. Exuding from that small frame was both grace and authority. Her hands seem empty, but the presence of a Holy Blade is undeniable. The being in front of me was undeniably Saber proper, the same one from 10 years ago.

Then who was the Saber from earlier? I follow the gaze of the otherworldly knight and she is as surprised as I am. The little black haired girl garbed in Saber's armor with a Holy Sword still in her hands was no illusion.

As a veteran of many battles, Saber's widened eyes regain their composure in an instant. There was only enough time for but a single question.

"Are you my master?"

Finally standing back on her own two feet, my "little sister" answers Saber's call.

"Yes!"

There is no hesitation in that voice. How could there be? My "little sister" couldn't have been mere human because neither was I. I shouldn't have expected anything less. Papa at his core, regardless of how kind he could act was the "Magus Killer". Someone who deliberately sought out useful tools. That was how I was born after all. Regardless of my childish diminutive appearance, I was an Einzbern masterpiece. Even an Einzbern failure is worth 100 ordinary magi. So, the question is how much is my "little sister" worth? I give Berserker the order as my clenched fist is released in front of me with fingers splayed out.

"Berserker, no mercy!"

Fluid stone meets solid air. A flurry of blows is exchanged between our Servants, faster than my eyes could track, but even then, I could tell that they were evenly matched. My Heracles was still stronger, but not by a wide margin…..would I have to resort to Mad Enhancement?

"You didn't even summon her properly!" is the complaint that naturally flows out of my mouth.

Saber was summoned just seconds ago without any semblance of preparation or intent so she shouldn't be this strong, but she was. My "little sister" simply watches the battle, taking Saber's movements in awe. How nice it must be for you to get such a lucky roll.

Stone meets solid air over and over. The sound barrier broke over and over. Attacks are exchanged at every angle and are parried from different ones, yet nothing changes.

Berserker can't break Saber's defense with halfhearted attacks. Everything will be decided in a single blow. Raising the huge stone sword in a single swift motion, Berserker unleashes a killing blow that can't be blocked, but Saber was waiting. Saber was waiting for her opponent to make the first gamble and by dodging the killing blow by a hair's breadth, she makes her own. Even so, my Heracles was faster and pulls away from the invisible blade.

"Even when mad, your skills are sharp," the knight muses.

Was dropping compliments mid-battle something knights actually did as a part of their Chivalrous code? An amusing fact, more amusing that the battle taking place. My eyes can't track the movements properly, yet even I could tell neither combatant was gaining an advantage. They might as well be having a staring contest for all the good that swinging around accomplished.

"Are you even trying Berserker!?"

Saber this time prepares a killing blow, but Berserker dodges it, winding up a decisive blow of his own only to be dodged. The same exchange happens a few more times, though the one who instigates it differs.

The pathetic looking yard is reduced to an even more pathetic state. The devastated uneven land is now barren, though such a place wasn't suitable for flowers in the first place.

"Huh?"

In a single moment, in a streak of blue and silver, papa's little doll closes the gap between the Servants and traps Berserker's sword with her own. A studious girl my "little sister" is.

After witnessing the exchange of blows, the flow of battle, she must have gotten down the pattern.

The earth behind Saber explodes as she takes the opening she was given and pierces my Heracles through the neck. Berserker stops moving, but it is of no concern for me.

"That's some impressive jousting, without a horse no less," I joke.

Papa's former Servant pulls her "sword" out of my Heracles and points it at me as a threat, but since it's invisible, sheathed by the air, it looks rather amusing.

"This is no laughing matter. Your Servant is dead, you can no longer fight, so I request that you surre-"

"Wait, Heracles has more liv..." my little sister warns, but it was too late.

With renewed vigor, my Heracles charges at Saber, his stone cleaver cleaving through the air, but Saber makes it in time to intercept it with her invisible sword. An audible squelchy noise is made. I can see Saber's wincing face and the blood that was leaking from her gauntlets. Well, it's her fault for not paying attention. Still, that invisible blade of hers is quite fascinating. They exchange some more serious blows, throwing some more earth around, but to me, with that invisible sword, it was like they were two kids play fighting. Still, as an older sister, I need to give compliments when they are due.

"That's correct little sister. My Heracles has more lives than a blasted cat. It's good that you've been doing your homework. What else can you tell me?" I say with a smile.

My Heracles even gains immunity to the things that have killed him before. Saber's precious sword was now as effective as a wooden stick. Saber has no means to defeat him now. Even if my victory isn't immediate, it is guaranteed. My "little sister" and Papa's former Servant, they won't last much longer. So I'll savor this moment.

"Little sister?" she mutters under her breath.

Oops, it must have slipped out. The claw happy cat got out of the bag…

My little sister was no longer in view. All I could see was the muddy earth on the ground. Berserker was on top of me, shielding me.

"Berserker, what do you…."

A pained face. That was the face Berserker was making. Something had hurt him? He had shielded me with his body, but from what? Berserker releases me just enough so I could get a glimpse of the newcomer. Standing on the nearby rooftop was a figure with a bow. Archer?

"Onii-chan!"

"Miyu, fall back," is what the stranger says. Saber quickly rushes to her Master's side and carries "Miyu" some distance away. Still, such a name is like the sound a conniving little cat would make.

An odd spiral shaped arrow is projected in that figure's free hand. The moonlight illuminates his form and I see the red hair and the amber eyes. It was definitely that other kid papa took in. He even has the same bags under his eyes. Those unforgiving eyes were trained on me. If he hates me, then that makes everything a lot easier.

"Onii-chan wait!" our younger sibling yells.

Based on what I have seen from my "little sister", what he had in his hands was no bluff. In his hands was something that was clearly a Noble Phantasm, a crystallized legend, a weapon of a heroic spirit. He notches that cruel arrow, waiting for our dear little sister to move out of the way, but….

A stream of arrows assaults the spot the red headed boy was standing on. He's forced to take a leap of faith lest he be skewered. With reinforced legs, he makes the landing no problem. He eyes his attacker.

"Archer," was the word that escapes his lips.

On the opposite roof of where Shirou had just been was a bowman decked in red. A pretty weak looking one to be honest. Though, to be fair, everyone looks weak compared to my Berserker. Archer is technically taller than average. With that white hair and tanned skin, he would have looked quite formidable if not for my Heracles being around.

"All your rambling about little sisters from earlier…and now you're going to strike down a little girl your sister's age…..you're quite the hypocrite aren't you?"

Thus a contest of shooting became one of shouting. It was loud, but not anything I'm not used to from Grandpa.

"Her age isn't a reason to let her go," Shirou says and he means it.

It seems that acting like a little girl won't have much effect on someone like him. Well, with that language, I'm not letting you go either.

"Finally caught up…...Archer, what do you think you're doing?" was the voice of another newcomer short on breath.

From behind Archer, the one with the tacky twin tails widens her eyes at the scene before her with irritation I could sympathize with.

"Two Sabers? You Emiya's better not be secretly Edelfelt!"

She must have been the Tohsaka heiress. Rather bland looking. Were they not specialized in gem-craft? I was expecting flashier clothes. My "brother" eyes the newcomer as well.

"I ignored Archer earlier since I owed you, but, why did you follow me, Tohsaka?"

Shirou readies his bow and aims it at the twin tailed heiress. Simultaneously, Archer readies his bow at Shirou and Saber readies her invisible sword, trying to gauge the newcomers. My Heracles readies his stone sword as well. Well, with an audience this big, I might as well introduce myself to everyone.

"Good evening, my name is Illyasviel Von Einzbern. Now that the final Servant has been summoned, let's have a nice, clean, Holy Grail War."

I do a small curtsy, but no one returns the gesture. Maybe Grandpa was right about the people of this country being savages, but it was then…...

"Holy Grail….War?" was the response shared by the two Emiya siblings.

The younger of the two tenses up as if she could go into a panic attack any moment now. The older one simply grits his teeth and tightens his grip. So, how much did papa even tell you two? Considering the Noble Phantasms in your hands, it should have been quite a lot? The older one gathers his breath and the bow in his hands disappears, with twin swords materializing in its place. One black and one white.

Does he intend to fight without a Servant of his own? Even if armed with a Noble Phantasm, a human cannot match a hero.

That kid papa picked up seems to have a skewed sense of humor, but as I look at his face, it seems that he's completely serious.

"You aren't a Master silly, so this shouldn't concern you," as I try to correct him.

I say that, but even if he isn't a Master, I still won't spare him, though he doesn't need to know that. Well, it's not like he'll spare me after attacking his little sister. Let's just see how this game goes. I must have been giggling to myself, but the others around me weren't smiling.

"If this concerns my little sister, then it concerns me," he says without hesitation.

Shirou's frigid gaze warms up as he turns to the blonde knight garbed in blue.

"You must have been the one stealing a march on me as an older brother, but I can't say I dislike the help," he says.

A small smile appears on the knight. It seems that the two have reached an understanding. Well, I won't lose in terms of courtesy against my "brother". I turn to Archer and Tohsaka on the rooftop.

"You stopped Onii-chan from firing at us and for that, I give you my thanks," I genuinely say with a proper curtsy to boot.

Archer makes a complicated expression. How cute. Tohsaka just sighs. She's probably just jealous that I'm cuter.

The three Servants present simply eye each other. With so many factors present, everyone was just waiting for someone else to make the first move. If Saber engages Berserker, then Archer has a free shot on both of them. Logically, it would be best to eliminate Archer first as he has the range advantage. Even so, the first one who charges at Archer would expose their back. So Saber and Berserker were waiting for the other to make the first move. The Emiya siblings with their own Noble Phantasms are another set of variables. If the Servants engaged each other, the Masters will have to deal with each other and it seems that my "siblings" have the absolute advantage in this regard.

"It's getting late, my little sister needs her sleep, so can I ask all of you to leave?" the boy says as he brandishes his swords paying no heed to the craters and debris all around him.

"Well, this place doesn't seem very habitable, would you two like to stay at my place for the night? I can assure you, it's a lot bigger," I joke.

"I'm sorry, but I'll have to decline. Someone's visiting us in the morning," he say to me.

The red haired boy and the knight garbed in blue ready their weapons. They ready themselves for what they must do. They'll eliminate the greatest threat first. That of course, being me and Berserker.

Shirou rockets towards me, but to my Heracles, he might as well have not been moving. Berserker moves to intercept the redhead, but is stopped by Saber. He continues his charge with empty hands. That was when I heard it. The sound of metal slicing through the air in all directions around me. A song of death is played.

Berserker cannot shake off Saber so easily even if her weapon cannot scratch him. The explosive force which Saber propels herself with cannot be underestimated. He's forced to drop his weapon to disengage, exposing his back. Berserker tries to rush towards me to shield my body, but even so, he won't make it in time.

I close my eyes. The sound of slicing metal is all around me, but it was then I heard the sound of metal smashing against metal.

I open my eyes and see the arrows on the floor. The flying swords were intercepted by the bowman in red. Not only the swords, Archer had also shot a barrage of arrows at "Shirou", but those arrows were deflected by "Miyu" with the twirl of a crimson spear.

"Protection from arrows…"

All eyes are drawn to that little girl in blue, who had dawned the appearance and power of a Lancer Servant. Everyone was still. Everyone was trying to comprehend what had transpired. That little girl…...she spared me. She could have stopped all of Archer's arrows, but she purposely let Archer interrupt her brother's attack. It was frustrating. It was frustrating. In the end, I was always the doll to be played with. A cry had escaped my lips.

"Are you making fun of me?"

I was crying. This war was my chance for once, to be the one that plays with others when I was always the one being played with. By Papa, by the Einzbern and now, by my "little sister".

Chapter Text

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Chapter Text

"If I could have just one wish, I want Shirou and I to be true brother and sister…. such a thing could never happen right?"

Reality and dreams are separate things and yet….

"How could it not happen?"

People move forward because of dreams.

I wake up to another ordinary morning or I wished it was. The the extra "guest" forced me to acknowledge that the peaceful days that I didn't deserve were ending soon.

I watch "Saber" as she inhales her food and it is quite the sight to behold. How many years ago has it been now since I faced her doppelganger? In my memories, she was always a terrifying enemy, but the Saber sitting across from me was certainly even stronger than that monster. If we were come to serious blows, my chances of victory didn't look very good. I had gotten stronger as I grew, but I wasn't as strong as I would have liked.

As Saber sat down, I was forced to acknowledge my current reality.

I wasn't ready.

I wasn't ready, but the world waits for no one.

Amber eyes like my own stare at me with concern. Eyes that were once red just a few weeks ago. What was supposed to be a passing dream had come true. It was supposed to be a miracle worth celebrating, but there were too many things in my dreams that I didn't want to come true. I'm quite the pathetic brother aren't I? I let my unease rub off on my little sister, the broken bathroom mirror was evidence of that….

We made a trip to the ocean a week ago despite the cold to combat that unease and Miyu was happy for a time, but it didn't last long. A few photos were taken, but Miyu wanted to leave as soon as she reached the ocean's edge. No photos were taken after that. Now that I think about it, I couldn't find the album containing those photos yesterday after the attack…...I only have the old photos backed up.

"Is something wrong Senpai?" Sakura whispers to me. It seems Sakura had picked up on it too.

I return Sakura's gaze and take her features in. Sakura was in front of me right now, but ….

"You didn't choose me, but I love you, so I'll protect you," were her parting words in my dreams.

How much longer will she remain?

For years now, Sakura was hiding something. For years now, she had been monitoring me and my instincts told me that she was ordered to do so. Our relationship was supposed to be a lie…...

Yet, I didn't want it to end. That's why I didn't say anything about the occasional bruises that appeared on her body or why she never joined us on our annual trip to the ocean. That's why I didn't ask anything about her rummaging through our home during those trips. That's why I didn't ask anything about her family or her situation. If I uncover her "truth", she will surely disappear. If I uncover her "truth", Miyu will be dragged into that "mess". That's why I continue smiling in front of her as I always do in order to keep her by my side.

Such selfishness cannot be forgiven for.

"That" dream would always taunt me. That's why I hated sleeping and preferred patrolling, but what Saber said last night was correct.

"If you don't rest, then you won't be suited for battle either."

I gaze down at my plate. If I didn't take good care of my body, then just like in those dreams, I really would lose everything. I force out a smile, trying to reassure those around me. I didn't have to worry about Saber who was eyeing her empty plate, wishing that it wasn't empty.

I look down at my own plate. Sakura spent all that effort coming here this morning, yet I couldn't taste anything.

"You've been improving," I say to her.

The walk to school was just like any other, except with Saber trailing behind us still wearing the lion jammies.

"She's even more of a fanatic than you are, isn't she?" Sakura says to Miyu.

"..."

In some small way, it was clear that Miyu's pride took some damage from the look of her adorable face, though the specifics weren't very clear. Despite her "properness", she had her own quirks. That was why no one said anything with Saber trailing behind her as we entered the school building.

Friends her own age were something I wanted her to make, but in the end she skipped grades for my sake. When she still attended a different school with kids her own age, I always got in trouble for coming to school late and leaving early. It was something she always scolded me over. By attending the same school as me, she tried to ease my burdens.

She would always insist that I join clubs and make more friends, which were all things that could apply to her. If she knew that the reason I patrol the city every night was for her sake, she would have stopped me. That's why I would always tell her that being a "Hero of Justice" was just a hobby of mine, a hobby I inherited from dad. It was both a blessing and a curse that I haven't run into any of those "card specters" over the years, but it seems the "real" Holy Grail War was starting. All that training, all that patrolling was not a mistake. I don't remember a time when I wasn't paranoid, but in the end, that paranoia wasn't wrong. Still, it's unfortunate that she's stuck with an older brother like me; an older brother that needs to be doted upon by his little sister…Miyu really deserves more. All I do is make her worry.

At the very least, Sakura is with her.

The morning passes by without fanfare. The bell rings and lunch period has begun, but my classmates were still here, piling in front of the entrance way.

"She's like a snow fairy!" someone calls out.

"A yuki onna," cries another.

"Give it a few more years," was something I didn't want to hear.

My right hand balls up. That girl who was after Miyu was here.

"You better not be lying again!" was that same haughty voice from last night.

"W-when did I lie?" was Shinji's stuttering voice as if his life was in danger, but knowing that girl, it was.

From the corner I see her now. Red eyes are trained on me. No hostility could be felt. That girl right now was simply beaming.

"So Onii-chan was here. You weren't lying," were the words directed at Shinji who had already run away.

"Humph! That's rude!" she says with a pout.

I stare at my enemy and load the gun in my head. Is she really intending to start something here in broad daylight? No, she came here specifically since she knew I wouldn't try to pull something with all these witnesses around. It didn't matter if I was stronger. It didn't matter her guardian wasn't around.

"I see. You recovered from last night, Onii-chan," were her words with a suggestive smile that could easily be taken out of context.

All around me I hear whispering. All around me I feel the stares. What everyone else was thinking didn't have to be said. What people already thought of me didn't have to be said. The chatter gets louder and people take pictures, but that little girl silences them all with her next words.

"The people of this country really are savages aren't they?"

"That's some sense of humor you have," I say to her.

She turns her gaze to my classmates eyeing each of them before turning her gaze back to me. She tilts her body as if to say, "let's wander somewhere else to chat…..or your classmates will have to entertain me."

Despite her childlike appearance, I was uneasy. This girl could take lives as easily as one would pick flowers. People will die if I don't follow her. She wasn't someone who understood "mercy". Her life was threatened last night and the only thing that was hurt was her pride.

I walk towards the girl and follow her with my bento still in hand. We walk down the halls and the chattering never stops.

"So this is one of those facilities where troublesome children are quarantined by age, right? She must be really naughty then," was her nonsensically offhand comment before sprinting down the hall, spinning in circles with me trailing behind.

"You've never been to a school before?" I ask.

She stops twirling for a second and twists her head.

"I was born knowing everything I needed to know," she says to me before saying, "let's race to the roof!"

I could ditch her right now, but I didn't want to leave her alone unsupervised. No telling what she would do if she ran into Miyu.

"Wait," I call out. With the reckless way she was ascending up the stairs, it was easy for her to slip and fall, but why did I care? Was it my instincts as a big brother?

We make our way to the roof and no one is around. She gazes down the schoolyard from above. I look around, steeling myself for that giant to appear. A chilling gust of wind blows and she quickly leans on me.

"It's warm," she whispers absentmindedly. She sniffs around.

"Is that food?" as she gazes upon the bento in my hands.

"You'll have to thank Sakura later if want it." I tell her.

"Well, it probably won't fit my tastes anyways," she says to me as she pushes me aside. I hope Sakura didn't hear that.

"Well, what would fit your tastes," I ask her.

"Hamburgers? They taste like slaughter or something," was an answer she wasn't really certain of.

Come to think of it, they were Kiritsugu's favorite food. Miyu had asked me to teach her how to make them when she was four when she learned that fact.

"Slaughter huh?" were words I just had to repeat.

"What's wrong?" she says to me.

"That's not something a girl your age should say," was something I had to say. It was strange, but the girl in front of me was somehow pitiful.

I stare her down and she stares up at me. She reaches her hand out and smudges the concealer on my face. She traces the patch of dark skin beneath my eye with her finger.

"Poor thing. You don't have properties of a "cup" and yet... What did she do to you?" she says to me with pity.

One body, one soul, that's the general rule. By using mage-craft derived from that "card", my body was constantly being invaded by that other "me". If I'm too reckless, I could lose myself and break like those "dolls" in my dreams. No that's wrong, those dolls couldn't break because they were broken from the start. If this girl knows about that then…..

"Why would…," I began to say, but I was cut off when she took out that missing photo album out of her purple coat. I prepare myself. She hands me back the album.

"Rin stole this, so I only came here to return it, but that fake isn't really your little sister is she?"

I take the album from her hands and cast it away to the side. I needed both my hands at the ready.

"Family isn't something determined solely by blood," I tell her.

"Then why did she feel like changing the color of her eyes her parents gav...?," were words I couldn't let her finish.

"That's….," was all I could say to cut her off. My heart stops for a moment. By making a connection with me through a wish, Miyu had unknowingly severed another. Ruby eyes stare through me. I try to find the words, but none come out, but her next words throw me further into a loop.

"Say, wouldn't you be better off as my Onii-chan, Onii-chan? I'll promise I'll treat you a lot better than she does."

Her words only serve to anger me. Even if she didn't intend to, she's making fun of me. I stand my ground.

"You and I have no relation, besides…..."

I stare around at our surroundings. No one is here, there are no witnesses. If I were to project my blades here, no one would notice….but…...Miyu didn't want this girl to die. No, my little sister abhorred the idea of anyone in her world dying. Maybe I wasn't a very good person after all if my thoughts had nothing to do with the life of the girl in front of me. To me, she was just some pitiful stranger.

I reinforce my eyes, scanning the rooftops of faraway buildings.

"Archer has a clear shot on me doesn't he?"

She's insulted. She starts fuming. Growing up with Miyu didn't prepare me for this, but she suddenly stops to explain something.

"Masters don't fight in the daytime. I don't have Berserker with me so…."

That admittance of hers is my signal. She was defenseless. That innocence of hers was dangerous.

"I'm not a Master," I correct her. My circuits flare and I steel myself for what I must do.

"Trace On."

The two married blades, mirrored images of each other are crossed ready to lop off her head. The more I get to know her, the harder this will become. She was at my mercy, with one swift action I can end her life right here and now, but…...

"Command your Servant to die," I order her, but her gaze is unwavering. She wasn't amused.

Without her Servant, without that giant, she has no choice but to drop out of this Holy Grail War, but she still stares at me with pity. If my sister does not want this girl to die, then this is the best course of action, but things did not go my way.

A loud crash.

The door behind us was kicked open. The screeching sound of the hinges assaults my ears for but a second, but that was the least of my worries. I didn't need to turn around. Saber and Miyu were standing behind me. It was inevitable from all that gossiping from the halls from earlier that they would show up.

Miyu's gaze is unwavering. I can't bear that resolute gaze and neither could my swords that simply evaporate. Illya is completely unfazed by what had transpired and turns her gaze to Miyu.

"I'm curious about that geas you cast on him. It's really effective."

Miyu doesn't say anything. No, she's denying the fact that Illya said anything at all. Saber has her eyes trained on her Master's enemy. Her hands seem empty, but nothing could be farther from the truth.

"What's your business here, Einzbern?" were the words of the lioness ready to pounce, but the snow fairy remains haughty and coy.

"She stole something from me that was rightfully mine, so it's only natural I try to steal something away from her, but you wouldn't know anything about that would you Servant?"

Judging by that expression that didn't suit her beautiful face, it seems like Saber was forced to remember several unsavory things all at once. I didn't need to understand Saber's circumstances to know that whatever that was said hit her really close to home. Saber didn't know how to respond to those words and in that silence, Illya simply walks past her and then takes a stop beside Miyu without turning to face her.

"Yesterday, you asked me what my relation was with you, but you already know don't you? Those cards…...one body, one soul, that rule doesn't apply to you either, yet you forced a human like Onii-chan to….."

"I did no such thing," were words conveyed in such a harsh tone that it took me a second to register that they came from Miyu's mouth.

Black and white. Unbearably serious and infuriatingly playful. It was a contrast so sharp that I could feel the air being cut. The white haired girl didn't understand the concept of mercy.

"If everything he does is by his own free will, then that's more of a reason for me to hate you. You made fun of me last time, so it's only fair I have my fun."

"Fun? You're still at this after I let you go?" was Miyu's question that the snow fairy simply ignores.

"Say, that prisoner's uniform really really suits you," were that girl's smug parting words.

Illya simply skips merrily down the stairs, satisfied with my sister's downcast face. My sister eyes the photo album on the ground, takes it in her hands and skims through it, but slams it shut before reaching the newest pages before handing it off to Saber.

Miyu simply stares at the ground. She was clearly upset by that little devil. I wanted to chase down that girl, but a small familiar hand grabs onto my shirt before I could go anywhere.

"It's fine. You already do too much for me," were my sister's words I couldn't accept because she wouldn't even look me in the eye.

Chapter Text

The recurring dream…...back when I was years younger, but still not pure….

The middle school bell tolls and that sound would always be followed by the sound of of writhing and my skin would begin to itch. It was time to visit that perfect family. I had sharpened my cooking skills since last time. The kind boy and that perfect little girl, I was ready to really surprise them this time, but something in me was calling me to go "home". Something was different today. I approached the door. There it was the sound. The sound would only get louder. The sound of swarming, of writhing, permeates the basement below. The worms in me responds to that sound, signaling their brood. They writhe, they itch, telling me that "Grandfather" was waiting. What happened to those who disobeyed "Grandfather" didn't have to be said.

The worms swarm around the center and one might think something was being devoured, but in truth, something was being formed. In the center, from all that wriggling, all that writhing, it forming that familiar rotten shape.

"Grandfather," I call out, but he's lost in his thoughts, laughing before settling down.

"So The Magus Killer has passed."

Emiya senior was someone I have never met. Shinji and I were originally ordered to confirm his death. A few days ago, the two siblings invited me to visit their father's grave. I had left a few of Grandfather's worms behind that day to check the remains. Hopefully, the two of them didn't suspect anything, or else...

"There are still more chances, but still, …the bombing of the leylines…..an 8th card…... to think he was that meticulous …yet he could not foresee his own death…...that young heir to Emiya right now….…...must be lost right now….quite a pity really.."

The sound of crying, the stench of rotting flesh, yet it is nothing compared to that man's laughing.

"Grandfather?"

He wasn't paying any attention to me. I was after all nothing more than a cooking utensil for whatever he was trying to cook. He writhes, he screams before he is able to get his composure back. Grandfather hasn't been well for a while…...

"..This imaginary number region…..a place that boy can't reach alone….…is an 8th card…an 8th trial...for Emiya's little project, but I have my own in need of testing.…..Sakura..," his voice writhes and shifts before falling on me.

"Y-yes."

I take pause for a moment. Even though I wasn't taught much about mage-craft, there were still things I had come to know. "Imaginary Numbers", that was my affinity wasn't it? Then that means…

"It seems I need to do some replacing soon, but that's a trifling matter right now, sweet child. The sun hasn't set, but it's time for you to sleep…..," were words that contained no kindness.

I fall into a second dream.

It hurts. It hurts. A stabbing pain, but I'm used to this pain. What is this? A dark place indiscernible place. Sharp, ornate objects were covered in muck, but that did not detract from their beauty, their craftsmanship. Even in the dark, they were shining. It was a waste that they were merely used to pin a petite worm on display, a parody of a constellation. Still, why was I hurting?

"Holy ?" was some indiscernible grumbling, yet I understood that grumbling.

The sound of chains, clear like a bell. It was clear what was happening. That distant imposing figure, slowly approaching, a tarnished rabid mass of black with gold underneath was after something. He was seeking, he was searching, he "desired", he "wanted". In his sight was a small wispy little worm. It was the farthest thing from divine, yet those divine ethereal chains wrap around the broken ugly thing.

It looked so light, it could not be called something with substance, a shadow, yet underneath, there was flesh. He pulls out an uncountable number of tools to dissect the thing that was caught. Was this the thing he sought? Flesh rends, flesh is flayed, but flesh returns. It hurts. It hurts. The shadow won't break because it was already broken from the very beginning. It hurts.

"Holy Gr..ail?"

It seemed something was off. In the end the tarnished king, despite all his divine power was only an "owner" not an "eater". The ensnared broken shadow was something small and rotten, but in this world, it's the smallest of life that eats everything in the end. It was an "eater", so it will "eat". Ethereal beings were its natural food after all.

"..."

That tarnished golden figure didn't notice a thing. The morsel of ether could not perceive the threat. From the the start, the golden figure was already pre-digested by something else. Black tendrils wrap around the chains and wrap around the blackened ethereal morsel. The shadow was only eating something akin to vomit after all, so this ending should have been expected. The owner struggles against the mud, the shadowy tendrils, but in the end, the hollow shadow was the natural enemy of ethereal beings. If food cannot be cut apart, then swallow it whole. Eat, eat, eat. Stuff it all in the "stomach", but the "meal" wasn't happy in the "stomach". Something just wouldn't digest. The "stomach" is ripped and torn with the most wondrous of cutlery. A shining light in the dark. It hurts, it hurts. A stomach ache. It felt something was being drained from me, but what? I'm not…...Something was wrong. Something was not right. That's right, the right way to "eat", such a thing exists. There is always a right way and a wrong way. Reach for it beyond all the bile and juices, rot the obstructing flesh away, grasp the rectangular thing at the core and take it in.

"Install."

"This poorly made vessel…..."

The alarm clock rings and my eyes widen awake. Clutched in my hand was an ornate card, inscribed with the word "Archer". The 8th trial in a mock Grail War prepared by the late Mr. Emiya, or at least that's what Grandfather thinks. It has been years since Grandfather passed this card to me for further "testing". It hates being inside me. It was something that belonged to a "dream", but that just makes me wonder if the life I'm living right now was a lie. I needed to get up early as I always do to get breakfast ready. I hunger, but food won't appease me. So unlady-like. My older brother wasn't awake yet, but that is to be expected. Part of the reason I get up early in the morning is so I can avoid him. To avoid Rider as well. To avoid a certain part of my reality I wish wasn't true, but enough of that.

A high school junior, that's what I'm supposed be right now. I need to focus.

I clean and tidy myself or as much as something like me can be cleaned. I put on my uniform and put on my shoes and exit the Matou building. I make my way to them. I make my way to the Emiya home.

As I'm greeted by an otherworldly girl I do not know, I'm forced to accept the reality of the coming days, of the Holy Grail War.

It was lunch time. In the classroom, there was whispering, insinuations about Shirou's preferences were surfacing once again. Miyu stands up from her desk and leaves with Saber. No one says a word. No one says a word again, until she was gone. The whispers assault my ears. I endure it. I pack up my bento and pick up the bento Miyu had left behind.

I wait a while before following behind with the bento boxes in tow. I walk out of the classroom and tail the small girl and her Servant. Sometimes I wonder if she knows. Sometimes I wonder if he knows. I must have been suspicious, yet they kept me by their side. Did they have ulterior motives? I purge the thought. Shirou and Miyu were pure. They simply gave me the benefit of the doubt. They trust me. They even gave me a key to their home. I didn't want that perfect family to be a lie. Even if that is the truth. My legs move on their own.

Along the halls, there was only that annoying chatter. Annoying, incessant chatter. If only it would stop. He wasn't like that. She wasn't like that. Shirou is just kind to everyone including kids. Shut up. Shut up. An ally of justice can't overlook lost children. Miyu is his only family left so its only natural for him to be protective. Shut up. Shut up. It's not wrong to be considerate to little kids, mongrels. I never liked those rumors, but the barking never stops.

He was a pure boy. His sister was a pure girl. The rarest of treasures. The perfect siblings. The perfect family. Different from mine. To challenge that purity must be a crime. I don't stop to listen. I don't stop to listen. Mongrels ignorant of worth all around me. It was all nonsense anyways, but there were a few words I could pick up from all the barking.

"White hair and red eyes?"

Could it have been her? The one who my pitiful brother was at the mercy of. The one my pitiful brother had no power over. "The Servant you summoned was weak! So weak, that kid said it would even be a bother killing her!" were his words as he hit me yesterday. He hit me. He had hit me over and over. Still, it didn't hurt. The pain didn't compare to the pain in my dreams, it was mere confirmation that reality wasn't a dream. That perfect family was real. He hit me, but I paid no heed to him, just as Grandfather paid no heed to him. Attention was all he really wanted. He hit me and hit me, but it didn't matter because what was already broken can't be broken any further. Hitting me was pointless, but living things can't help what they long for. Maybe a small part of me had still wanted to be an ideal little sister, maybe I still do?

"You're not doing it right. If you want to draw blood, you have to put your back into it..…," were my words of advice to him yesterday. He ran from me when I said that. That brother of mine really likes running doesn't he?

Did I see him running in the halls just now? It was against the rules, but it didn't matter, there was something far more important on the line. If he was running for his life, then what I heard earlier was no delusion. That kind boy was in danger. That perfect little girl was in danger. Considering who Shirou was with right now, my legs were already breaking those same rules. Faster.

Miyu breaks into a run. I follow her and quicken my pace. Even with those shorter legs, she manages to be faster and disappears from my vision. My bruised body couldn't keep up. It didn't matter, I knew her destination. I continue to trail that perfect little girl even if I could not see her.

A perfect little sister that wanted to be a doctor. A girl that only wanted to help others just like her older brother. Her vacant expression from back then, how dare they compare it to mine. I always wondered what her father, Mr. Emiya the "Magus Killer" was like. I never met the man, but that girl must have loved her father. That girl must have been sad when he was dying. She must have been devastated when he had died. That was why she could never smile back then. She can't be the same as me. I never met him, but he must have been a great person to be revered by children like those two. I continue running.

"Magus Killer" was what Grandfather called him and an "Ally of Justice" was how Shirou described him to me. Surely two names that go hand in hand. Magi were all monsters and those who fought monsters are called heroes. It made perfect sense. Liar. Only a "hero" could have such perfect children so kind and so pure. Children with unwavering determination and dedication. How envious. It was only natural for monsters to be attracted to them. Like me. Monsters are fundamentally empty creatures that seek, that steal, to make themselves whole. I continue running without stopping.

I run and run, but my bruised body isn't quick enough. I avoid gazing at the people around me. Normies. Still, I can't do something that will make those two upset. Mongrels. I ignore them. I make my way to the staircase. Miyu must have already reached the roof already. My feet stop before I ascend. Too quiet. Am I too late? My thoughts race to the worst possible conclusion. I was expecting a loud crash, nasty squelching sounds, but my thoughts are broken by a creaking hinge.

White hair and red eyes. They stare at me intently for but a second, but the petite little figure descends down the staircase without skipping a beat with a merry tune. My cheeks were wet. Was it over? That monstrous little snow devil doesn't pay any attention to me. I grip the card in my pocket tightly. My instincts told me that girl was dangerous, but I was more so. Tasty too. The red eyes of hers were fiercer than what Miyu's had been. I could feel that smug sort of self-assured confidence. She was clearly "that" type of person.

"What were you thinking you idiot!" was a familiar smug voice behind me that must have belonged to…..

"That's not cute Rin, you lied about the "running" rule," the little white haired girl says.

"Skipping in circles is just as bad!" Tohsaka replies.

It's her, Tohsaka, the "school idol". Tasteless mongrels. Tohsaka glances at me for a moment, but returns her gaze to the little fairy. The two figures retreat in the distance paying no heed to me. Tohsaka, the school idol lives in a different world from mine. The past is the past. The present is the present. I grip the card in my pocket tightly and contemplate "punishing" those two, but there was something far more important I needed to confirm. Shirou was the strongest person I knew after all. I couldn't imagine him dying to a little mannequin. My heart had not given up hope it seemed.

My legs are already moving before I could think. I ascend the steps in an instant with the bento boxes still in hand. I needed to confirm it. I kick open the door and see my two treasures unharmed. Thank goodness. Shirou and Miyu were unharmed. I was smiling for a moment, but my eyes were drawn to Miyu's adorable downtrodden face. Miyu was unhappy, just like those days in the past. That diminutive mannequin must have done something unforgivable. Taken something irreplaceable.

"Sakura?" were Shirou's words to me. Was there something on my face?

"What is it, Senpai?" I say with a soft smile. I take the two in my vision.

In front of these precious siblings, I had to keep on smiling. I had to remain gentle, because I didn't want to tarnish the irreplaceable treasures in front of me any further. I continue smiling and approach the smaller girl, hugging her. Warm. Pure. Precious. I was trying to soothe her, but in the end, it seems like I was the one being soothed.

"Sakura?" she says my name. That soothing voice.

"Yes?" I say to her.

"Can you get away from her," was the voice of a fourth wheel who was staring right at me. A pure righteous knight lady, yes, of course the Servant would match the summoner. She's wary of me. Jealousy?

"Can't breathe," Miyu says to me.

I release her with the word, "sorry" and a gentle smile.

"She didn't do anything to you did she?" I ask.

"It's nothing," which were unconvincing words as her smile was clearly strained. I present her with the food she had forgotten, as well as an extra portion for Saber.

"You forgot your lunch," I say to her and she faithfully responds like the good girl that she is.

"T-thank y-you," was her proper response. Was she blushing?

I turn to her older brother who was doing his best to smile. It's a strained one, but when hasn't that been the case? That mannequin must have done something, but now isn't the time.

Lunch period wasn't over, so we share a moment not far removed from the one in the morning. This precious family, this most valuable of treasures. Such a family was too good to be true, but that was why I had to protect it. The truth is never good enough. I find myself staring at the blonde glutton. The thing that didn't belong. The precious normal days have already ended. Those days were a lie from the start.

The knight continues to eat with unimaginable haste and the little girl who was supposed to be the "Master" stares at her own meal, wondering how much she would get to eat. Wondering if she should tell her "Servant" to stop. Maybe I should have prepared even more food. The kind boy beside me continued to look uneasy as he ate, just as it was the case with breakfast.

The coming days will not be kind, that was the truth. It had already begun. I cannot deny the "truth" any longer. The Holy Grail Farce. Question is, where did that little mannequin live? Where can I find her? Good children must be protected, but by that same token, bad children must be punished.

"Sakura?" Shirou says to me. Was there something on my face? He was about to say something, but he was having trouble finding the words. How cute. He finally finds the resolve to speak.

"P-please don't get involved," was his plea towards me. It was almost a whisper, maybe even a prayer. Maybe he didn't actually want me to hear, but I heard it.

"It's fine, you'll be there to scold me right?" were my playful little words.

He tenses up at my answer, but he accepts it even if he doesn't smile.

"Yes,...stricter than anyone else," were his almost inaudible words. Pained, but sincere.

Thank goodness. Sincerity from him was a rare treat for me. A rare truth as comforting as a lie. The smile on my face right now was just as sincere.

"Of course you would, Mr. Ally of Justice."

He makes that complicated expression of his again that borders on embarrassment and frustration.

"For the last time, don't call me that," were those familiar words.

"Yes, yes."

Just because the "lie" was ending, didn't mean I have to stop smiling. Beyond the truth and the lies, I had long ago decided what was precious to me.

Chapter Text

School had ended, the sun had set and I was seeing that fake priest of all people. The little white haired brat was behind me with a sour face. Our Servants were waiting outside and hopefully nothing will happen. The annoying brat isn't someone that breaks promises so easily and that's really the only good point about her. Despite all her posturing, she didn't seem to know much about the Emiya family or the world in general for that matter. I would have found her pitiful, if not for the content of her character. Still, I could tell that brat wasn't lying or misleading me. That's a lot more that can be said about the fake priest in front of me.

"You didn't answer my repeated calls and yet now you bring a guest. Hmm..did you surrender already Rin, without fighting no less?," he says in that annoying way that no one else can replicate.

If anything can be said about the priest, is that he helped me temper my patience. There was no one more annoying than him after all.

"Kirei, as a participant in the last Grail War, does the name Emiya ring a bell?"

I can sense his surprise, but more importantly, I can feel him smiling, while trying to keep himself composed. He found something really funny, and considering his sense of humor, something was up.

"Yes, Emiya was a competitor in the last Holy Grail War, but how does that pertain to you?" he says to me.

"An Emiya is the Master of Saber."

There is a short pause. He was clearly grinning right now.

"And?" he responds.

"Emiya, dubbed the "Magus Killer" was living in this very city and you didn't notify me, the Second Owner for how many years?"

He's supposed to be my legal guardian, but why do I expect anything of him? This man who deliberately gifts me clothes for my birthday that I would look bad in.

"Anyone with a connection to the moonlit world should know the name Magus Killer, are you saying you didn't find out until now?" is what he says through his teeth.

"Yeah, Rin is pretty hopeless," the brat behind me adds in.

I'll ignore those words for now. From my sources, I knew that the Magus Killer was the boogeyman of my parent's generation. A freelancer not bound to any organization. Even that fake priest while working as an executor answered to the church. The white haired brat described her father as a cheater, but that's what made him scary. Magical or mundane, he did not overlook any method on his hunt. He did not have pride as a magus, but in that sense, he was truer than the real thing. Even magi followed certain conventions, but he ignored them. He did not let anything sway him from his goals, whatever they were. No pride in his victories and no pity for the defeated. A machine chasing his own death. That was what I knew at face value from secondary sources, but Kirei was a primary source.

"I'll be brief. The Magus Killer died 5 years ago. The Holy Grail War 10 years ago was the last time he had been seen operating professionally, so I didn't think you really needed to know. It would only have been an unnecessary burden on you," he says in a tone that contains no concern.

"He was one of the three, including you who came out of the last Holy Grail War alive, so you must know something about him and his family after fighting against him."

"So, you've already phoned up the Clock Tower," were words with genuine surprise.

"Surprisingly talkative. Something about him being obligated to tell the story of his king."

The words of the fake priest could never be trusted, but as long as there were multiple accounts available to me, I can sift out the incongruities. What I know was that Lord El-Melloi II's predecessor was killed by the Magus Killer, but other than that, Lord El-Melloi II, stressing the second claimed that he did not interact much with the other contestants; it was a death battle after all. Still, it was pretty fishy that he participated in the very competition in which his predecessor died. Something must have been up, but the only other first hand account available to me was the one I was getting from the fake priest right at this moment.

"Then I don't have anything new to tell you." were of course what he would say.

"W-wait."

"Give it up Rin, I don't think this person knows anything and wouldn't tell us anything even if he did," Illya says with a sigh.

I wait, staring down the priest. The brat doesn't know, but Kirei was always like this. Have patience. Observe, analyze, then act. Forget the Magus Killer, focus on the present.

"Y-you….just tell me about the kids of his living in this city."

"The orphans from the fire? Well, what is there to say? That man found them in the fire and took them in," were the honest words of the fake priest.

If there was no blood relation, then the degree of which mage-craft can be passed was limited. Just as with Kirei, there was a limit my father could teach him. Reinforcement and the healing arts were things I knew for certain he was adept in. Still, there are many cases of magi acquiring children for experimentation. A magus adopting too many kids at once just draws the eyes of the heretic hunters.

"Can you say those kids are completely human?"

Noble Phantasms are not meant for human hands. There are only a handful of exceptions and I didn't want to face them in this war. Still, the Noble Phantasms that girl used clearly belonged to Saber and Lancer of this war. The bow Emiya used was the same as Archer's, though I couldn't call either bows a Noble Phantasm, though the strange arrow he had yesterday was undoubtedly one.

"What is this now?" the priest speaks with something akin to glee bubbling on the surface.

There is a long pause.

"To be a survivor is one thing, but for a new life to be conceived in a place where all manner of life was being consumed, could such a thing be called anything but a miracle?"

The contents of the Holy Grail were spilled 10 years ago. That was the truth of a fire. For a young boy to survive was one thing, but for a newborn child, such a child should have been the first to die in such a tragedy, yet to be as healthy as she is today, it couldn't have been natural. No, maybe she's completely unrelated to the fire and the fire was simply used as a cover story by the Magus Killer to facilitate the fabrication of a family registry. Still….

"Are you just having fun with semantics?"

I was about to ask what had happened to the orphans that survived which were supposed to be under the protection of the church, but I really didn't want to know. It was just one of the many things that made me wary of the fake priest. No matter what anyone says, that man is a "fake". What does it say about me that I'm turning to such a man for information?

"All I have is conjecture and I doubt it would be of much use to you," was that fake priest continuing to be cheeky.

"The younger Emiya, his activities these past 10 years, you helped cover them up didn't you? You must know something about what he was up to."

"If I must confess, back then, you weren't truly ready to act as the Second Owner. If you must know, the heir of Emiya was simply undergoing something akin to mock training. Rest assured, he wasn't harming any of the locals, in fact, his actions simplified some work for me," he continues to say without elaborating.

"He knew that the war would start 50 years early?"

"The previous war ended without a result by the Magus Killer's own hand, so the accumulated magical energy was simply carried over. The Einzbern master beside you can explain in it better than I can," were his words as his eyes turned to face the brat beside me. The brat simply sticks her tongue out in response. The only thing this conversation had confirmed was that wasn't just me; the fake priest was hated by everyone of all walks of life.

"If he's been your mentor in the absence of your father for these past 10 years, then that explains…... a lot of things actually. You really had it rough," is what the brat says in a tone closer to condescending than pity.

"Now that I think about it, the Magus Killer's bombing of the leylines may have been a deliberate diversion, to hide the existence of his heir's training exercises," was the answer the priest didn't seem so sure about himself. The brat's eyes lighten up for a moment.

Then those Noble Phantasms of theirs corresponding to the very heroic spirits of this war were…...

"What were these training exercises you're talking about?" was a question I didn't need to ask.

"You should know that I'm the Overseer of this Holy Grail War, so telling you what preparations the other contestants have made would be against policy. Besides, surprises are one of life's spices," was his dubious claim of neutrality with that seedy smile of his again and the brat's expression sours.

Life is not like a bowl of Mapo Tofu, yet this fake priest keeps trying to make the connection.

"This was all a waste of time!" the brat says with a pout. She simply turns and storms out of the church, but unfortunately, she wasn't wrong.

I follow behind and our Servants follow in tow in spiritual form. Kirei doesn't even make an attempt for to stop us.

"Faith is certainly dwindling in this age…" were his parting words.

Maybe my faith wouldn't be dwindling if you did your actual job correctly.

The door closes behind me. The church disappears into the distance as we walk away.

We walk along the empty streets. Hopefully, we won't have to deal with ordinary folk under the light of the moon.

The physical evidence of the last Holy Grail War had been largely wiped away by many things from the fire, the kidnappings to the various associations of the moonlit world. Mulling over dubious first hand accounts won't get me any useful information. The world of magi was always one of deception and mystery, so it was expected that the truth be elusive and those who guarded it to be troublesome.

So what did I know so far?

"Shirou based on age, the story of him being a survivor checks out. Those irregular patches of tan and white hair he's hiding are similar to my Archer. He must have been some sort of trial run in an attempt to infuse a human with a heroic spirit's traits, coincidentally, the traits of my Archer."

"You only realize this now?" that brat continues to say.

"That's why I wondered if they were part homunculi! I mean, based on Miyu's age, the story of her being a survivor found in the fire is dubious. More than likely, she's some sort of artificial product the Magus Killer created using stolen Einzbern secrets. Does that sound reasonable?"

It was then I hear that laughing that was bubbling on the surface. Laughing that she was desperately trying to hold back. She was even wiping away tears. That's how ridiculous she found my conjecture.

"What's so funny?"

The laughing stops for a moment.

"That priest was misleading you. Kiritsugu barely counts as a magus, so he wouldn't be able to do any of those things," the brat continues to chime.

"You really look down on your father don't you? How about you Archer?"

"From personal experience, mercenaries don't make good researchers," my own Servant chimes in.

"Were you a mercenary in life Archer?"

"Being a mercenary would suggest I made money off of what I did," Archer quips.

"If you know that about yourself, you remembered who you are right?"

"Not at all, though don't blame yourself too harshly," my so-called Servant says to me.

"Am I the only one taking this seriously?"

"Considering how much you don't know, it's hard to say you are," the brat continues to run her mouth.

"I-it couldn't be helped."

The Holy Grail War in Fuyuki is held every 60 years, but the 4th one where my father died was only 10 years ago. It was perfectly reasonable that I wasn't fully prepared. It shouldn't have occured this early, but it seemed like everyone else but me was in the know laughing at me.

We make our way to an intersection. My breath stops for a second.

"Did you sense that?"

"Of course," the brat says without much emotion.

A distant scream, a pulse of magical energy and a fading presence. A Servant out there was actually feeding on human souls. Magi may follow different rules than ordinary folk, but to deliberately involve ordinary folk in this very city was something I the Second Owner could not abide.

My legs take me to the origin of the scream with Archer close behind me. Running around at night, it's somewhat nostalgic. Hopefully, I had gotten more capable in these past 10 years since that time I was searching for Kotone. I enter the park, this park, this was where uncle Kariya...….

"Shinji," was the name that escapes my lips.

The third rate turns his back.

"T-tohsaka?" was that annoying voice.

An unconscious woman was having her existence sucked out of her by that woman in black who could only be identified as a Servant. The victim had become something of a doll. She would die if nothing was done in the next few minutes.

"Archer!"

Archer responds to my desire and a barrage of arrows is fired at the enemy. The enemy Servant in the black gown drops the victim on the floor and parries a few. She prepares herself for the inevitable battle, but it was then, the white haired brat finally caught up to me.

"I let you go yesterday considering the Holy Grail War didn't officially start yet, but Rider won't be able to beat my Berserker no matter how much she eats," was the voice that caused Shinji to freeze.

I knew that the brat had mystic eyes of binding, but I sensed no expenditure of magical energy from her. Shinji was simply scared stiff, nothing more.

"Y-you….." were Shinji's words before trying to break into a run. Stress on "trying".

"Berserker," the cold little girl casually calls out.

"Rid…." was all Shinji could say before his legs were swept underneath him by Berserker's chunk of rock mimicking a sword.

"Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.." was the second scream I heard tonight.

Berserker was ridiculously fast. Faster than Rider. Faster than Archer. So fast that he could probably negate my Archer's range advantage with a single step in most scenarios. I didn't think that far ahead, but how was I beating that brat later? Still, this isn't the time. I turn my focus on the discarded woman on the floor and do my best to treat her.

"I-I don't want to die...I-I don't want to die…," were the meaningless ramblings of the legless Shinji as he tried to drag himself away. So ready to take life, but unable to risk his own; such a person could not be called a magus.

Illyasviel von Einzbern stands over the result of Berserker's handiwork.

"Crawling like a worm," the girl says with an innocent smile.

The book that was in Shinji's hands burns away along with Rider's body, but the sound of burning could not be heard with his incessant screaming. I barely noticed it, but a new presence had joined us.

"You really are a disappointment, Shinji," were the words of an old man, sprouting from the darkness of night itself.

"So the oldest of worms shows himself," were the words of that little girl sizing the newcomer up.

The youngest one stares down the oldest one, with Shinji writhing in pain in the background. He was Sakura's brother and I had contemplated helping him out, but my attention is drawn to that old decrepit man.

"You must be the one my granddaughter was angry about today. To mess with another of her possessions once again, I don't know how she'll take it," the old man says with a heavy sigh.

"The war officially started yesterday. It would be no fun if it ended too quickly, so you Makiri better be glad I'm not killing him. Besides, he isn't even a real Master. Rider just ran away didn't she? That granddaughter of yours must be real coward to use a proxy," were words said by the little girl with no playfulness whatsoever.

"I see, so even a short-lived artificial puppet wants to live as long as possible, but I'm afraid what you have done today goes against that interest," should have been the ramblings of a senile old man, but I couldn't see it that way. Even without a Servant at his side, I knew his confidence was not unfounded. That was the way all old magi were with all sorts of indiscernible tricks.

I couldn't follow their conversation, which was more evidence that once again, everyone around me knew things that I don't and are flaunting it in front of me.

"Was that a threat? To stand before me right now with your rotting body, you must gone senile or maybe you're just tired of living?" the brat says with a smile that belonged to someone much older.

"No, daughter of winter, I'm just warning you about my granddaughter. In all honesty, I'm a failure of a grandfather. I wasn't able to raise that girl right. In those rare moments she desires something, I can't stop her. Forgive this old man, but she forced me to disclose the location of that old Einzbern castle of yours before chasing me out of the house," were his final words before turning to Shinji, whose leg stumps were being treated with phallic worms.

Something in the brat snaps, but still, that isn't the issue here. My hand had already formed the shape of a gun and that old worm was in my sights.

"Sakura's involved in this?"

"OH, Tokiomi's heir! Why yes, Sakura is involved in this. If you are involved, it's only natural that she would be, or do I expect too much of today's youth? Still, are you really going to kill this old man or should you focus on saving that woman before you, Second Owner?" was that old worm's way of talking that forced me to remember that fake priest from an hour prior.

I check my surroundings once again and realize that the Einzbern brat had already run off on her own if that giant crater on the floor is any indication. A giant of that size shouldn't be that fast! Still, I can't leave Sakura to that brat's Berserker.

"Archer, you go after the brat and make sure she doesn't do anything too outrageous. She seems to like you, so you might be able to persuade her to stop."

"You're making a lot of assumptions, but let's hope you're right," he comments with that characteristic grin before giving chase with his red coat fluttering behind him.

The life of the woman in front of me was draining away. With reinforcement, she wasn't that heavy. Still, in my mind, the only person I knew that could deal with spiritual injuries was that fake priest. I was seriously going to return to that church again wasn't I?

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

The sky was dark. Wood, leaves and the wind brush pass me as I ride on my Servant's shoulders. We travel as fast as I could handle. I wonder for a moment about these things called "roller coasters" I've heard about. It was true that there are many things in life I have yet to experience and never will. It was true I had lived almost all my life in a castle and right now, I was returning to one. Even so, I'm sure, in these short months, I have seen, done and experienced things that others who will surely outlive me never will.

The Holy Grail War.

A battle between 7 figures of legend. Battles most mages will never see, much less partake in. It was a privilege I was born into. It was a privilege I was born for. It was a privilege. For, who in all the world, would get a chance to ride on the shoulders of Heracles?

Heracles, my Berserker, at the end of this ritual will fade, but it is not a parting because I won't be far behind. My partner was the strongest, so seeing this ritual to the end is a matter of course whatever happens to be in our way. Past the leaves, the branches, the trees and the forest, the broken wards, the Fuyuki branch of the Einzbern Castle was before me. The castle where Papa and Mama lived in just 10 years ago in the last Grail War. It had only been a few hours since I left, but something was definitely wrong.

I shouldn't have been worried. I shouldn't have been worried. Why did I take the threat of that old worm so seriously? In that castle were my caretakers who were younger than me. My caretakers who failed to become Lesser Grails, Sella and Leysritt.

There was no one at the front gate or the large front door.

Whether coined or birthed, the Holy Grail was the purpose that binds us all together. For all those others who were coined as defective cups, for all those others who could not live to this day, I have an obligation to fulfill as the "Holy Grail". Neither Sella nor Leysritt could become the Lesser Grail, but they'll support me who did with all of their being in the most overbearing manner. That's why I snuck out of the castle today.

That was why the silence was unbearable. Leysritt did not come to greet me. Sella did not come to scold me.

Something had happened. There was definitely still a Servant inside. Regardless of the quality, even though an Einzbern failure is worth 100 magi, a homunculus of modern make is no match for even the weakest of heroic spirits. If I open that door, what will be greeting me? If I was as young as I looked, I would have hesitated, but I had an obligation to see everything to the end.

There was no point in wasting time and my partner agreed, pushing the door away in one swift motion.

A lone swordsman was standing on our staircase before the great slab of sharpened stone in my Berserker's hands is brought down.

The intruder deflects the killing blow.

"To face you again so soon, I guess there was a silver lining," the intruder says absentmindedly.

I know that figure. Fine clothes of eastern make. Long hair complimenting a long curved blade. It was unmistakably that irregular Assassin-class Servant we encountered at Ryuudou temple the other day despite the switch to darker colors. A sword wielding wraith summoned by Caster bound to the land of Ryuudou Temple. Caster being a spiritual being herself could not anchor another spiritual being, so she used the mountain on which the temple sits. His ties to the physical plane right now were much stronger than they were before. Was he partially incarnated? The fact that this swordsman was here in front of me in my very own home could only mean that he had gained another anchor at some point.

"Where?"

I scan my eyes over the area, but find no one. Was Caster behind this? My senses were telling me it wasn't. Another irregularity. There was no time to waste. This needed to be settled quickly. Sella and Leysritt were top priority.

"Berserker, we can fix the stairs later. Quick!"

Berserker cleaves away at the staircase with his sword hewn from temple stone. The staircase splinters and shatters, kicking up debris. Unlike the steps towards that temple, the stairs were not situated on slanted ground. The terrain disadvantage we faced simply disappeared. That wraith was skilled, there was no doubt about it, but in the end, technique is something used to compensate for weakness. Without the support of Caster or the terrain like before, he must bear the full brunt of Heracle's strength.

"Gah," was a pained cry, followed by the clenching of teeth. Even with all the dust around them, the opposing swordsman did not lose focus, still seeking victory. A heart of clear water? No, more like a head full of water.

Two figures stand on flat ground. It was no contest.

Blows are exchanged faster than I could discern, but that mattered not as his defeat was inevitable. In terms of mass, that long thin sword in that fake Servant's hands was much lighter than the chunk of stone my partner effortlessly swung around. With a decisive swing, the obstacle is knocked away into a wall. He wasn't dead. It was a testament to his defensive skill, but he lacked any ability to actually harm my partner, so in the end, he wasn't worth paying attention to.

"Hurry! To Sella and Lize quickly!"

The greatest hero responds to my demand and scoops me up with one arm. We traverse the halls and note the broken walls. There was a struggle. I swallow my breath. We pass through makeshift doors. What was once left of my bedroom, we are greeted with a perplexing scene.

"Sella?"

The two maids that served me were still alive, but they were bound in chains, tied to my bed. Leysritt had passed out and Sella was having her magical energy passionately sucked away through her lips by a third white haired figure. A white haired stranger sparsely adorned in black and gold with red marks strewn on one side of her body. Though she had the pigmentation of a Einzbern homunculus, I knew the stranger wasn't one, or rather, wasn't one completely. I stare at her, but she makes no notice of me, focused solely on quenching her thirst.

"Berserker!"

Berserker too was momentarily perplexed by the scene and his judgement was dulled for just a moment, but before he was about to act, a chain flies out of a golden portal. He leaps backward to avoid the chain while I was still clutched in one of his arms. That chain wasn't normal. We instinctively knew that it was bad news to be caught in it.

"A Noble Phantasm?"

Sella's passed out body is discarded on the bed, with saliva still dripping down her face.

"Interrupting my meal," were the words that left the stranger's mouth as it is wiped. She turns her attention to us while still straddling my maid.

"What's this?" was an infuriatingly sultry voice.

A set of infuriatingly smug red eyes and a disgusting smile. Yes, despite the change in color, the face was unmistakable, it was that girl I passed by down the staircase at school today. The ribbon in her hair was another giveaway. This couldn't be happening. These irregularities in front of me must have been a dream. Yes that's it, a dream, but no that's just wishful thinking.

"Makiri I presume."

Undoubtedly, this was that "granddaughter" the old worm was talking about. It didn't have to be mentioned, but this girl in front of me has gone through a lot of modifications. Still, it wasn't the time to be empathetic. To practice mage-craft of any kind involves a certain amount of pain. 70% of my body was magic circuits. For the participants of this Holy Grail War, extensive modification seemed to be the norm, not the exception.

I wasn't special.

Still, what sort of cobbled together monstrosity did the Makiri make? The gold adornments were undoubtedly something that should have belonged on a heroic spirit and that unmoving chain wrapped around the necks of my maids was still trained on us ready to react. Berserker is still, waiting for an opening, but it doesn't come, so it seems it's up to me.

My red eyes simply stare into hers.

"Tch."

It was regrettable, but my mystic eyes were too weak. Whatever heroic spirit she was drawing power from, it was clearly one of the knight classes which all boast some degree of magic resistance. Of course this won't be resolved so easily. I just need an opening.

"Quite gluttonous for an uninvited guest. You Makiri seem to have no self control."

My enemy ponders for a moment. The chains around my caretakers tighten. I bite my lip.

"Self control? I tried controlling myself, but this is all your fault. Why didn't you control yourself? Why did you tamper with what belonged to me? When I get angry I get hungry. I tried gorging myself at the temple before coming here, but I'm never full. Look at what you made me do," she says without regret as she caresses Sella's cheek.

"It's unfortunate that these two were just too compatible with this body. When such fine things are in front of me, it would be an insult not to taste them," was that infuriatingly haughty voice.

Once again, someone tries to take possession of what belongs to me.

"Well, I expect much from a family of thieves," I say to her.

What she said about compatibility confirms my suspicion. There was no grave for my mother, but now I know for certain what happened to her body. The bodies of homunculi were compatible with other homunculi. Just as the magic circuits of various homunculi were shaped and grafted onto my body, my mother's remains were grafted onto hers. Thus, her body also had properties of a vessel that could house heroic spirits and those Noble Phantasms she wielded was evidence that she was exploiting that fact like a certain little sister. Was she allied with my little sister? That old worm did mention that I "messed" with her possessions today and now she's messing with mine. Still, whatever her true motives are, these Makiri cannot be forgiven. If she is indeed allied with my little sister, that's another reason not to forgive her.

"How could I steal that which already belongs to me? No, the only thief here is you and I came here to educate you. Quite the privilege, is it not?" was her nonsensical logic.

With Sella and Lize at her mercy, I can't do much. All I can do is bide our time and play her little game.

"I've known everything I needed to know since the day I was born."

As a product of Einzbern alchemy, such a thing was a given. Speech, logic and mage-craft were ingrained since my conception.

"You seem to be painfully unaware of your position. Everything is fine if you are strong, thus everything belongs to you if you are the strongest, but you're just a weak mannequin even less than a mongrel," she runs her mouth before turning to my guardian to run off her mouth some more, "Say, Alcaeus, your sins of filicide should have absolved once you took on another name and completed your labors, but yet now here you are playing father, or is menial community service simply ingrained in you?" were her unforgivable words.

My guardian doesn't react to those words. Even though his senses have been dulled somewhat, he knows when to rein in his anger and when to release it. A hero like him knows that better than anyone. Even though his bouts of madness that cost him his family and his friends were induced by Hera's machinations, he endured, bearing his sins, always acknowledging his responsibilities and committing to his labors, never running away from them. Unlike Kiritsugu. For as long as this ritual lasts, he will protect me by his own will just as that day we made our oath.

"He won't be beaten by the likes of you! Using hostages, you're the one admitting you're weak!"

The face of our enemy distorts. Something inside her had struck a chord. Pride is the privilege of the strong. Only the weak are cruel because they can't afford to be gentle in the first place. The weak cannot win without cheating. That was the one of the few truths papa had taught me. The chains around my maids disappear and in that instant, my hero makes his move.

The chunk of stone is brought down, but when I open my eyes, a wall of ornate shields had appeared to intercept it. Even so, the shields did not absorb the shock of the blow. The displaced air pounds her into the floor. She was now hugging the floor while bleeding. Serves her right. She was much sturdier than a regular human, I give her that, yet it was then she revealed her hand. Above her were a formation of ornate weapons, floating in the air. My hero steps back to size up the threat.

"All Noble Phantasms?"

Ignoring the bleeding, being accused of being weak, our enemy was now standing, flaunting her power as she calls upon the formation of Noble Phantasms behind her. So many of different make and shapes. From various cultures around the world, eastern or western, from age to age, the varied selection was intentional.

"I see. Yes, I wasn't doing it right. All of it. That's right. All of Humanity's power sits in this treasury," is what she absentmindedly claims. Whether she was saying that to us or just reassuring herself, I couldn't tell.

The weapons at her beck and call are released from their golden portals, crashing into my hero. Most are deflected, taking large swathes of wall as they continue flying, but one manages to pierce his heart. One life was taken.

I bite my lip.

As long as he was holding me in one hand this outcome was to be expected, yet if I let my guard down, my life will be taken if she has a last minute change of heart. That fake Assassin was still loitering around downstairs. If this battle continues, the ceiling will collapse and my maids will be buried. We needed to take this elsewhere. If she was truthful about her intention punish me, then she will have to chase me.

"To the garden!"

We retreat to the open garden in the center of our home that was much larger than what my little sister possessed. Berserker puts me down and confronts our rude uninvited guest.

"This should be a more suitable battleground don't you agree?"

With no enclosed walls in the way obstructing visibility, the Noble Phantasms of hers despite the quantity should be easier to deal with.

"To think I was lured by your words. That's another demerit for you," was that same haughty voice.

She jumps down and approaches us casually. This was just a game to her wasn't it? As she was walking to face us, the fake Assassin from earlier sprouts from the shadows in front of her taking no stance.

"Even if you are a fake, I have expectations from an aberration like you. Try not fail me this time," is what the Makiri girl says to the discolored swordsman. The girl clad in black, red and gold was an aberration that commands the aberration Caster had summoned making her an aberration of aberrations. For those reasons, we should be fleeing, but I already fled from my little sister. There is only so much damage my pride could take.

"For freeing me from the temple, I was grateful, but I may have made the wrong choice," he speaks as he brandishes his sword in front of Berserker, "but you my formidable enemy, you may be able to make me reconsider."

There are too many things in this scenario outside the norm, but nonetheless, Berserker returns the courtesy and brandishes the primitive weapon in his hands. It was a mutual understanding in those that take pride in their martial skill. When a challenge appears, it is a hero's duty to meet it.

Of the 10 original labors Heracles was tasked with, 2 were discounted, but he did not turn back. He rose to the occasion. At the end of his trials, he had completed 12, each one manifesting as an extra life as his Noble Phantasm. One life has been taken and that Makiri girl had a means to take more. That girl was dangerous. That's why I couldn't afford to let her live, but I never needed such an excuse. She had already harmed my maids. That was good enough. Despite whatever Noble Phantasms she possessed, my Heracles had ripped mythical beasts apart with his bare hands in his legend so her human body was nothing. In order to kill that girl, the wraith in the way had to be taken care of quickly.

"Let's finish this quickly."

The sword of hewn stone is brought down with the force to obliterate a mountain. Even if the swordsman can deflect such an attack, mere contact with the slab of stone is fatal. For that reason the wraith dodges this time instead of trying to clash blades, but his sword cannot scratch my hero's skin. It was fortunate for us that the airhead didn't lend the swordsman a better weapon or he would actually have been a threat. Without the terrain advantage he enjoyed in the earlier two encounters, he is easily pushed back with a flurry of random swings. Heracles has always been known more for slaying mythical beasts than slaying mere men. No matter how skilled, the swordsman was only human in life. Everything happened in a span of a few seconds.

My hero delivers the deciding blow, but his blow is stopped at the last moment.

"What?"

The chain from earlier reins in my hero's blow. The chains wrap around his body without any mercy. With enough time, these chains could be ripped apart just like the ones that bound Prometheus, but the Makiri girl was impatient. Shadows drag at the heels of both my Servant and hers, sucking up all the magical energy in the area. How did she acquire the fake Assassin Servant? I knew the answer now. Having had time to observe what that shadow actually was, I knew what she tried to do.

"You're interfering with our," is all the swordsman says before he is cut off.

"I don't like seeing my toys break, so let's end this farce. Back to the toy-box you two go," were that girl's whimsical words.

I see. Those Noble Phantasms of hers were merely used to draw attention away from her trump card. I now know what she is capable of.

"These chains were forged to bind the divine. These shadows were made to bind and eat Servants. You see, there was no way a demi-god Servant was going to win from the start," is what she announces in front of me.

That was why it didn't matter if she had hostages or not. That's why she let me lure her out. She was certain of her victory from the start. I thought of her as an arrogant ditz with only superficial understanding of her own abilities, but her confidence wasn't completely unfounded. Was that scattered brained personality just an act? I misjudged her and now I'm paying the price. Right now, she was stealing my Servant, my guardian, my hero.

"Run," is what my hero tells me. Really?

Were you going to leave me just like papa? He tells me to run, but my legs don't move. How was I going to finish this ritual without my hero anyways? The answer was I won't. I invoke my command seal.

"Return to my side."

Still, nothing happens. I, the vessel of this ritual will be the first to die in this ritual. It didn't even matter, because I wasn't the only one. A pointless farce this all has been. A big joke. There were Holy Grail Wars in the past, but right now, this ritual was literally a "War" between "Holy Grails".

"Return to my side."

Unlike other Masters, my magic circuits were modified to be my command seals. In that way, I have a limitless amount. It was pointless, but I didn't give up. No, it was precisely because it was pointless, I kept invoking as if praying. I won't let my life end as a joke.

"I am the bone of my sword," were words I faintly heard carried by the wind.

I closed my eyes for a second and when I opened them, in front of me, the scenery is enveloped in an explosion that blinds my eyes. I'm thrown back by the blast and feel the earth on my back, but I ignore it and pray once more.

"Return to my side."

Third time's the charm. Beside me appeared a lump of charred unrecognizable flesh. Berserker had lost another of his lives, but that no longer mattered. I could have lost him to that girl, but I won't lose him to death. My hero will keep getting up even if you kill him. As he regains consciousness, I dismiss him into spiritual form and run because that Makiri girl was certainly still alive under that array of fancy shields. Golden projectiles fly in my direction, but they are intercepted by red ones.

Archer was here bathing under the moonlight.

I don't want to admit it, but maybe that alliance with Tohsaka wasn't a mistake.

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

There was no sound in this place. There was no future for me here, but that was to be expected right? When it comes to falling, I'm no stranger. I look around me, walls of imitation stone to each side and trash behind me. Even in this modern place with white sterile walls and lavish lights, there was filth out of view. No one with sense will visit this place. The day was about to end and above me was the moon. Despite the craters that dot its surface, it is far above the filth of this world. What would Hecate think of me if she saw me as I am now?

The lunar staff I was given was broken in two by that red headed boy's arrow along with my spine. It easily circumvented my conceptual shield.

The stockpile of mana I had gathered was stolen by that girl's shadow along with my Servant. Was that the true form of the "Holy Grail"? Truly, magi were never to be trusted. I as a magus myself know that better than anyone else.

I stop the bleeding and mend my wounds just to get my thoughts in order.

In my original life and as I am now, I was always someone who lost things. I was someone who was forced to lose things. I was someone who will always lose things over and over again. That was the role I was born to play.

In my youth, the Goddess Aphrodite had taken my will. Without my will, I lost my little brother by my own hand as well as my father's love. I was forced to discard my morals, to aid the man I was forced to love, yet in doing so his friends denounced me. In the end he cast me away when associating with me became a liability. I betrayed others and others betrayed me. At that point, I had no place to return to. I lived the rest of my days as an outsider. I became nothing more than a witch to those around me and I repaid their expectations in kind. If something can be said about the life I had lived was that I faithfully played the role I was given and it seemed that nothing had changed. I was still playing the same role. A witch they branded me and I witch I became.

I hate it. I hate it, I hate it. Even though I despise my role, I continue to play it. To display the ugliness in others meant displaying your own.

All things are lost in time and this "dream" I was living up until now was no exception. I could quickly lay a trap to immobilize my pursuer and turn her over to my side with my Noble Phantasm that severs all contracts. These modern cities were densely populated, if I decided to consume as many souls as I could right now without reservation, I could easily support a Servant. I would be lying if such schemes didn't surface just moments ago, but we spirits were simply parasites to the living.

Souichirou was gone.

It was true that the "Holy Grail" could grant most wishes, but it could not grant my original wish. It could be used to grant me a second life, but…..

Souichirou was gone.

The me right now was only a temporal copy of a woman that may have only ever existed in myths, so all those moments from this "dream", won't even have a chance to fade. What right did I have to impede on the living in the first place? Yet what right did the living have over me? If I struggled miserably here, I would simply be playing the role of the witch everyone expects of me. There is no escaping retribution. I would simply be delaying the inevitable. This Holy Grail War was a stupid farce from the start. A scam concocted by modern magi, but that was to be expected of magi.

Besides, Souichirou was gone.

When I was saved, it must have been a miracle. The one who saved me was no magus, but he took me to the temple, one of the four keystones of the ritual. He had no wish for the Grail, but he saved me and supported me. I have only lasted this long for that reason, yet it seems that miracle was a curse in the end.

Souichirou was gone, but he would have lived if he hadn't met me. It was wrong for me to be hopeful. Maybe it was right of those people back then to discard me? What a joke. If things were going to end like this, I...

Descending from the starry sky, garbed in blue and silver, unmarred and untouched, a being that could hardly ever be called human is what takes up my view. Back then, before I became a witch, how would I compare to this beautiful young princess? Was I not a princess once?

"...Saber," is what I manage to say to the otherworldly beauty.

The petite figure towers over me and she inspects my broken form. "The same robes," is what she mutters under her breath, but there is no hesitation when she raises her unseen sword. There is no place for me to flee. There was no place for me in this world in the first place. To live as a witch and die as a witch, this ending was expected.

"If you've already accepted death, then I'll listen to your final words," she delivers with crystal clarity.

A pure voice without a grudge or deceit, the knight before me, despite seeking the same Grail was nothing like me. She certainly carried herself differently from the "heroes" of my time who reeked of self interest. I like this girl who was dignified and sincere. Her words were a matter of fact with nothing beneath them. She will kill me and she won't sugar-coat her actions. It was a chilling kindness. It was the only kindness she could afford to someone like me. In exchange for that kindness, I'll give her the unfortunate truth with my ailing voice. The truth behind that shadow that had blotted out the straight path I was walking.

"From one victim to another…...I'll give you a warning. We were not invited to this ritual out of generosity, but to be consumed by that empty Grail….. because the modern magi could not prepare the contents themselves. As someone who isn't a magus, your fight here is meaningless," was a truth she should not believe in and she doesn't, yet she does not accuse me of lying. She ponders a bit, but her words are resolute.

"Even if what you say is the truth magus, I made an oath to be my Master's sword," was her response.

It's an answer that suits her, the knight among knights. Saber's Master? That little girl was certainly luckier than my little brother to have that red headed boy as an older sibling. Truly blessed that little girl is to have Saber as well. My situation was pitiful, but how will it end for Saber? What she sought might already be within her reach, but before I could speak anymore I had already spoken my final words. To die like this, is a joke right? I….

Saber brings down her sword.

I bring down my sword.

Magi were tricky folk in any era and all the more tricky if time is afforded to them. My upbringing, my rule and the previous Holy Grail War cemented that fact. Caster could not be trusted, but even so outside her territory without a Master to anchor her, she was in no position to harm me. My immunity to most magics doesn't even have to be mentioned. If she showed any indication of an invocation, I would have bisected her before she could speak, but she didn't. No fear or anger. The knights that served me, the knights that turned against me in the end, the queen by my side, they were the same way. It was the expression of someone about to be executed. She was an enemy of mine, an obstacle to my goal, but I was never one to hate my enemies. To bring about one's wish is to trample on the wishes of others. To me, that's all the more reason to act chivalrous, but others have disagreed. That's why I'll try to listen to the final words of my enemies. That will never change.

My sword bites concrete, the robed body disperses and Caster is no longer in this world, yet all the while, I felt something was off. The robe that remains is carried off by the wind. It alone remains, yet before it disappears from view, it's skewered by countless swords.

"...Of..course.," was Caster's final whimper as her existence ceases. In the end, she tried to escape, but my attention turns to the newcomer.

"You could have died beautifully, but what could be expected from a mongrel," was that voice.

I turn my gaze and prepare myself for the next obstacle. Up on the roof top, watching the whole exchange was a pair of red eyes. A blonde figure simply stands illuminated by the moon. Even if the clothes were different, standing before me was the same Servant that was in my way when the Grail was within my grasp 10 years ago. He must have been the source of that unsettling feeling.

"All you do is clean up the messes of mongrels, no, failing even that, yet claim yourself a king? If you became my wife, then I can assure you that you won't have to deal with filth any longer," was that haughty voice that could only have belonged to that one man. I try to control my own voice, but the words flow out before I could even think.

"Why are you still in this world Archer?"

Spirits who answer the call of the Grail to take on the role of Servants were supposed to disappear at the end of the ritual. Still, I shouldn't have been surprised. These Grail Wars were never what I had expected from the start.

"To collect what's mine, isn't that obvious? Has it already been 10 years? Are you still not ready?" is what the self-proclaimed King of Heroes says to me.

There was certainly something wrong with these Holy Grail Wars. When I answered the call last time, I expected a competition against heroes of legend, yet at least half of them couldn't really be called heroes as I know the term. The tyrant from last time continues his nonsensical talk.

"Making a king wait, but I'll forgive you. It must have been like yesterday for you. So have you found your answer? Right now, there isn't anyone around but us," is how he converses with himself.

"If you stand in my way, I'll cut you down. That's all there is between us," are the words I use to prepare myself.

There was no issue with the mana I was supplied. My body was at its peak. I was in better condition than the last time we had fought. I may be able to best him this time.

"So, we'll continue our battle from ten years ago? We'll there isn't some low life in the way to interrupt us this time," was the tyrant's conclusion despite the tinge of disappointment.

He raises his arm and with golden shimmers, his weapons wait behind him ready to fly, but I don't give him the chance.

The clustering stars will cut open a path where the light shines!

"Excalibur!"

The roof the tyrant stood on is enveloped in light, but it doesn't mean my enemy had disappeared. A large black shield had absorbed the light and as it is cast away, I see the tyrant. Looking down at me from a throne in the sky, a diamond with wings. It was the same contraption from 10 years that Lancelot had faced. No longer in that modern black attire, he had donned his golden shell.

I don't hesitate. I can't hesitate. I act.

I pick up speed, bouncing against the walls in order to ascend, I rush at my enemy. When I ran out of footholds I let my prana burst against the air and I propel myself skyward with each step. The stars gather in my hand. The air dissipates in the path of my swing.

"Excalibur!"

The light blasts away the projectiles that were thrown so casually at me. I charge at the throne in the sky like a shooting star, yet the throne was quicker. I miss my target and descend back to earth, yet I am showered with metal all the while.

I deflect the swords and use a lance as a foothold to push myself away with another burst of prana. I have plenty of reserves this time around, yet my sword still could not reach him. No, he could not afford to let me get close to him for he was supposedly an Archer after all. I take refuge on a roof, but it was only a minor respite as the sword rain continues.

I run across the space between the heaven and the earth. From skyscraper to skyscraper, with each explosive step, I weave and dodge. My thoughts drift back to that arrow Shirou had used. It was able to track down and hit Caster despite whatever aerial maneuver she employed. Still, would he be able to knock that tyrant off his throne just as easily? I cast away the thoughts. To rely on someone who wasn't a Master, for someone who had no wish for the Grail was arrogant on my part. The Holy Grail War ideally was a battle between heroic spirits. Even though my wish is to erase my own past, there is still a warrior's pride within me.

The throne sits among the stars. The air rumbles. Clustering the stars, I swing my sword once again.

"Excalibur!"

The blinding light scars the night sky, but I am unable to swat down the tyrant as my slash is intercepted. He was waiting to receive as the identity of the rumbling reveals itself.

"Enuma Elish!"

Two forces of equal magnitude clash and for a second, the night had become day. No, they weren't equal because I'm blown away. The pain in my back and the blurring of my vision, it seems I was injured, but where was I?

"Saber! Are you in trouble?" is the distressed voice of my Master that rings in my head. Yes, that blinding light should have been noticeable by everyone.

Distressed voices rattle around. I regain my vision and see the scattered papers and broken desks. I must have crashed through an office building because all around me were confused office workers. Maybe it was from the sleep deprivation, but the salary-men working overtime did not register what was happening immediately. Some were still sound asleep at their desks despite the commotion. Someone reaches for a phone, but before that person could finish dialing, his head was removed with a flying crescent blade and it was then the people started screaming, but it quickly stops. Someone was killed in front of me and as that fact registers, in that time frame, all the other office workers had their lives ended with a shaft through their hearts before they could run away. In a span of a few seconds, all the witnesses were silenced.

"To make me clean up after you, you truly have no talent for cleaning, but cleaning is not a job befitting my wife. You're quite the troublesome woman aren't you?" was that unperturbed voice of the perpetrator.

The golden tyrant descends from his flying throne, but he refuses to step through the wall that wasn't there anymore. He grimaces at the dust and debris. Something was boiling within me.

"Archer, you!" but I'm cut off.

"When I received news that you were in the vicinity, I thought I would gift you with my presence, king of Knights, but it seems you still need time to think. The Holy Grail War is still young, so I'll be patient," were those nonsensical words again.

Before I could get up, he simply flies away.

I look around me, at the tragedy that unfolded. I grimace at the corpses. Ordinary folk simply working to support their families to die in such a way because of me, it's not something I could make up for. Once again, I'm reminded I was a relic impeding on the living. To fail those in the past, yet to fail those in the future as well, I hated the feeling. The present is what it is because of the past. For me who wanted to change the past, it was hypocrisy, but I quickly discard those thoughts. I enter a burning calm.

There was no way that the residents of this city haven't noticed the cracks of light in the dead of night. Three instances in one night no less. As my injuries seal up, I hear the footsteps approaching. I needed to disappear quickly. I exit through the way I came.

I feel the wind on my face. The moon was still up. The stars continued to shine.

"Saber?" was my Master's voice once again ringing in my head.

"I'm fine. Caster has been taken care of, but there is something urgent we must discuss at home tomorrow morning," is all I could report to my Master through our link. If she knew the lives that were lost on my watch, a girl like her wouldn't be able to sleep. Despite what I wish for, I could not throw away my pride.

Buildings scraping against the night sky all around me, they were brimming with light that could be mistaken for stars. Despite what had happened just 10 years ago which was yesterday for me, the people down below continue to live their lives. No matter what horrors happen, humans will always move forward. The buildings that did not exist the last time I had fought were testaments to that, yet it couldn't be denied that there was something sterile about them. They were certainly different from the older buildings on the west side of the river. No matter how much people move forward, something of the past always remains. Even though we of the past have lived our time, we continue to impede on the living.

Chapter Text

"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."

Those were the words the priest used to break the silence. Was that a passage or something else? Either way, I turn my gaze to the one beside me and it seems the words did the trick. Miyu's trance was broken and her breathing settles, but that did not mean she was well. She tries to speak up.

"That's….," but the priest gives her no quarter.

"In the end, whom did Emiya Kiritsugu spill his blood for? For whom did Emiya Shirou spill his blood for? For whom are you going to spill your blood for? For whom will you be spilling blood?"

It seems those robes of his weren't a lie. He had a commanding voice that drowned out all other voices in the church but his own. Such a thing was a necessity for sermons.

"For he today that sheds his blood with me. Shall be my brother," is what Miyu mutters beneath her breath.

I didn't want to admit it, but the priest before us knew things about our family that we did not, yet there are some things you simply cannot say. The priest was too intimate with our plight. He also seemed to derive some pleasure in it. Maybe he was a fake after-all? I open my mouth and question him.

"Isn't a priest's job to comfort the lost?"

He simply smiles at my provocation. He really was enjoying himself wasn't he?

"That was my intention, but you seem to misunderstand my role. As of now you two should be rejoicing. Over these past few days, did you not reaffirm the bond of your family?" were words that shouldn't have been delivered with such a zealous smile.

"YOu..."

A flash of light cascades through the stained glass and on cue Miyu runs out of the church. Saber was in trouble. Whether it was out of concern or simply an excuse to escape the priest wasn't something I could tell.

I run after her. The priest behind me was probably still smiling right now. Just like in those nightmares.

Under the night sky we three make our way back home. The hill the Church was perched upon recedes into the distance. The minutes pass and it was then I felt something off. The patter of small footsteps had ceased; the sound of them replaced by panting. I turn around. It seems that the events of these past few days have taken their toll on that small frame. Miyu with that weary expression looks forward, squarely at me.

"Carry me," is the request my little sister makes of me.

"Didn't you say that you wanted to be more self-reliant?"

"Just do it," she bluntly says.

"Master, if you require someone to carry you..," is what Saber says before Miyu simply walks past her over to me. It seems I had no choice then.

"Alright then," I say as I crouch down.

Miyu pays no heed to Saber's offer and gets on my back. I put power into my knees and stand up once more as we continue on our way. Maybe I should have scolded her a bit, offered more resistance, but I'll consider this Holy Grail War a special occasion. Anything so that she can sleep soundly. Afterall, supporting a Servant like Saber must have been a burden she isn't accustomed to.

We cross the bridge, leaving the tall glittering buildings behind us.

That place, where the city lights blot out the stars. Where artificial light was so abundant, it seemed that even the flashes of crystalized myth were drowned out, but that instance of day was unmistakable. Regular people may have chalked it up to a hallucination or a faulty satellite, but I knew the truth.

"Saber, was Caster really that much trouble?"

The matter was resolved, but from personal experience, I knew the difference in strength between the two classes. After I shot Caster out of the sky with my arrow, it shouldn't have even been a battle for someone like Saber to finish her off. That momentary flash that illuminated the night must have meant that she had encountered another enemy.

"She wasn't," she replies without elaborating.

"Then, be more mindful of how you spend my sister's mana, though considering how you eat…"

"Apologies, but at that time, I went through with what I believed was the right course of action," the knight reports. She was getting defensive.

"You met another Servant on the way I'm guessing."

Her gaze meets mine. She hesitates for a moment, but only for a moment.

"Yes….It was something I wanted to discuss this in the morning, but it seems you won't settle for that. The tyrant I faced in the last Holy Grail War, the Archer from back then has managed to stay in this world. I tried cutting him down as quickly as possible, but with all his Noble Phantasms…..It's unfortunate, but I can't guarantee victory against him," is what she confesses.

An Archer spirit; not the Archer that I might become, but….

"Gilgamesh."

The King of Uruk, a heroic spirit stronger than King Arthur. Armored in gold and possessing all of humanity's accomplishments within that vast treasury, the strongest "card". The card I could never find. The card I had faced in my dreams and for years now, I never stopped doubting its existence. That's why I kept patrolling despite coming home empty handed every night after collecting the initial 7. The Holy Grail War supposedly involves only 7 heroic spirits if Saber and the priest were correct, but I knew never to take things at face value. No one knew everything and it was only natural for people to withhold what they knew and there were always exceptions to every rule. Mage-craft relied upon mysteries afterall.

Saber had stopped walking. She stares intensely at me, trying to uncover what I was hiding. What I was withholding. It was only natural. I knew too many things for someone who supposedly knew nothing.

"You know of him?" is what she asks of me.

I needed to confirm it with a question of my own. The Archer Saber had faced might not be the Archer spirit I was talking about. It might have just simply been a coincidence, but so far, every Servant that has appeared corresponded to a card and that spelled trouble. The Saber by our side was stronger than the Saber derived from the card I had fought and it only goes to reason that we'll be facing a stronger King of Heroes than the one in my dreams down the line.

"Gold armor and an inexhaustible treasury of Noble Phantasms. Sounds about right?"

I hold my breath.

"Who are you?" is her response that indicated that I was unfortunately right on the money. From what she told me, it seems that Gilgamesh had spared her. She wasn't confident she could beat him and I wasn't either, but I couldn't let her know that. I wanted her to trust me and I needed to trust her if we were to overcome the enemy we would inevitably have to face. I equip the biggest smile I could muster to become the person I needed to be.

Who am I? I may have struggled with that question once, but that was long ago. I have absolutely no doubts about who I am. That won't change.

"Just an older brother."

The answer was always that simple I couldn't help but smile when I say it. Saber doesn't buy it, but she understood she won't get a clearer answer from me. Well, despite whatever anyone else thinks, that's all there was to it. That's why I couldn't agree with everything the things that priest had said. Family bonds weren't something limited to blood, but testing them shouldn't be something to rejoice for. Pain shapes our path, but it isn't something that should be sought, but it seems Miyu still hadn't fallen asleep.

"Onii-chan, dad…... he wished for all his children to grow up healthy didn't he?" is the question the small girl on my back poses with a strained voice as if challenging my answer. Even now, Miyu was thinking about that girl who wanted to hurt us and she had never stopped. About that girl that isn't my sister.

"Then I wish, for all of my children to grow up strong and healthy."

I ignore it. I ignore it, but my smile is shattered. That's why I had to look straight forward.

"It doesn't matter if she was born from our old man," is what I tell her and what I tell myself. That girl isn't family. That girl isn't family. For siblings to kill each other, to hurt each other….

"That girl has no relation to us. That girl couldn't have been much older than you. Kiritsugu probably never met her. There was no opportunity for Kiritsugu to be her father and no opportunity for her to be his daughter. So…," is what I desperately try to argue, but it was futile.

I feel the small fingers digging into me. My argument was in patches.

"They met. ….. If they didn't, the fact she has no family right now doesn't change...," is the truth that digs even deeper that my sister refused to overlook.

I wanted to deny it, but I never won an argument against Miyu. If that white haired girl's mother was still around, if her mother was a proper mother, then there was no way that she'd be allowed to participate in the Holy Grail War. The Einzbern, her so called family sent her here to become the Holy Grail. They callously sent her here to die.

"…Are we just leaving her alone?" is the question I never wanted to hear.

A girl without a proper family. A girl without a future.

I would be lying if I didn't understand. My original family was taken from me and that's why I couldn't bear losing the one I had now. Her original family was taken from her and that's why she couldn't bear our existence; kids raised by the kind man that should have been her father.

I understood, but it was pointless. I know I don't have the power to save everyone. I know I barely have the power to protect one person. The dampness I felt on my back was evidence of my inability to protect even one smile.

"She should have been the one instead of…m...that's why….we'll save her won't we?" is the wish my sister makes.

Even so, I didn't even have the power to deny my sister's wish. All I wanted was her to stop crying.

"Yes," is the only word I could say even though there was a good chance it would become a lie.

"Are you just….," were the words she doesn't finish. She doesn't say anything more.

Even though she couldn't see my face, I knew she knew that I wasn't smiling and she wasn't smiling either. My words fail to reassure her. She doesn't trust my words.

On the rest of the trip home, no one said another word. Not a word when the bridge disappeared behind us. Not when we passed over the houses. No when we arrived at the front gate. All I could feel were the fingers biting into my shoulder. The lights of our home were on and sleeping in the living room was Fuji-nee. It seems we had worried her. That's another thing to add to the list.

Morning came and there were things that were immediately off. Saber was a new addition, but she wasn't the thing that was off. Miyu was getting something from the kitchen which wasn't out of the ordinary. Fuji-nee was at the table, but Sakura was nowhere to be seen. Even if Sakura didn't always join us for dinner, she was something ever present in the morning for breakfast.

"Did you get into a fight with Sakura?" is what Fuji-nee accuses me of at the table.

"That's…"

"You did something yesterday and spent all night trying to apologize, but it didn't work," she continues nodding to herself, convinced she has a handle on the situation.

Sakura didn't come. It shouldn't be strange. I must have been overthinking things, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't accept it. I couldn't accept that the peaceful days had ended already.

"I told her not to get involved at lunch yesterday," is what I could recall from yesterday's interaction with her.

"Didn't Kiritsugu teach you how to treat girls? Even Miyu is upset. What is this thing you're involved with anyhow?" the tiger continues to bite. Fuji-nee was an ordinary person. I couldn't divulge anything about the unseen side we lived in. I wouldn't know what to do if I dragged her into that mess too.

It was then my little sister comes to my aid by tugging at Fuji-nee's skirt.

"Fuji-nee…," was her soft whisper.

At this point Saber had finished her food and Fuji-nee's gaze turns to Saber, then to Miyu. Under that small girl's melancholy gaze, the tiger had no choice but to settle down.

"Right, there's no point in pointing fingers."

Breakfast finishes without much fanfare thereafter. Fuji-nee as a teacher leaves early to make preparations for her students. The small moments pass and another school day begins. Our home recedes behind us. Miyu walks behind me with Saber in tow, scanning the area for potential threats. She certainly did not sleep well last night. She was still upset, but what could I do?

"Miyu."

When I call out her name, she simply runs ahead of me, shooting a pained smile with her arms behind her back.

"Sorry. Forget what I said last night," is what she tells me before breaking into a run. Saber quickly follows.

I myself was about to do the same, but I wasn't dense. She wanted me to leave her alone. Right now I was alone. Sakura wasn't here.

I enter the school and things were already a miss. There were quite a few people missing this morning. The student council room was empty. Issei was absent. I checked the archery club to see if any members were putting in extra morning practice, but I couldn't find Ayako. I couldn't find Sakura. From the window, I could see Saber was patrolling the school perimeter while being chased off by the gym teacher. With all the recent happenings, it was obvious people would be a little suspicious of outsiders, especially if they were wearing animal pajamas. We really needed to set some time to get Saber more conservative clothes. I check on Miyu before the homeroom bell rings. She was still upset and her classmates were already trying to dote on her. By now, Sakura should have greeted me, but she was still nowhere to be found. I run along the halls paying no heed to the fact I would be late. I ignore my beating heart while listening to the chatter.

"Didn't you hear about what happened at Ryuudou temple yesterday?"

Apparently, something had happened to the homeroom teacher of 2A because Kuzuki Souichirou wasn't someone to take time off work. I kept running. At this point Issei would probably lecture me, but he wasn't here. People were already gossiping about the absence of the school idol.

"Rin didn't show up to school today, do you think she….."

For those involved in the Holy Grail War, there was some merit in taking a break from classes to prepare. I listen to all the chatter, hoping that Sakura wasn't a topic too.

"The Holy Grail War has begun," were words I feared she would say.

The school bell rings and it seems that I had run a full lap as I make my way to the main entrance. I hold my breath. It was then Sakura appeared.

"Sorry I was late for school today, Senpai. Something happened at home, but shouldn't you be in homeroom?" is what she greets me with. She gets closer to read my expression. I try to say something, but nothing comes out of my mouth.

"I wasn't there this morning and you are already like this huh?" was her voice again, confirming that she wasn't some illusion.

Sakura was fine. I could find solace in that small thing, but…..

"What happened at home?"

"Nii-san got into an accident, so I was just checking up on him in the hospital," were her casual words that should have contained more concern.

Einzbern, Makiri and Tohsaka. Those were the three names the priest had dropped. I steel myself. These ordinary days have already ended. Even if I didn't want the lie to end, even if I only wanted to know of the Sakura who only smiled, I knew such a thing was selfish.

"Makiri…... does that name mean anything to you?"

"That's what the Matou used to be called long ago before they moved to Fuyuki," is what Sakura confesses in a single breath. Unlike what I expected, there were no tears, no sad or tragic smile, just that same smile she always wore.

"Then….."

"You don't have to do anything Senpai. What makes you unhappy, what makes her unhappy and thus what makes me unhappy, leave everything to me," is the declaration she makes.

That declaration was a confession that she had done something last night.

"What did you do?"

"If you're asking about that white haired doll, then you shouldn't have to worry about her any.."

"YOU…," I say before I rein my own voice in. My teeth and my fists are clenched. I try to re-center myself. I try to calm down after realizing how I was acting. I can't speak to Sakura with such a tone. Even though I raised my voice, she still meets my gaze with such clear eyes. I can't meet that gaze.

"Why are you angry? She doesn't have anything to do with us," is the half-truth Sakura conveys.

Illyasviel von Einzbern has nothing to do with us and that's what's wrong. That was why Miyu was upset. I look up and match Sakura's gaze.

"She's still alive isn't she?" is what I had to confirm.

"I didn't touch her, but hopefully she learned her place last night, but we're running late, so we'll continue this talk at lunch," Sakura says with that gentle smile of hers. Still alive, good. It was unsettling, but I force such thoughts to the back of my mind. I want to trust Sakura. I wanted to trust her words. I wanted to believe Sakura was our ally. Just like in that dream. Sakura was someone who always had my well-being in mind. That's the simple truth. We could finish this discussion in depth at lunch. Sakura won't hide anything. Our relationship could finally become real. That's why I could I meet her smile with my own.

"Thank you."

We part ways after that exchange and I don't look back. Homeroom was over and we needed to get to class quickly. We'll sort all of this out together. I wasn't alone. I wasn't alone anymore is what I had to tell myself. I needed to trust others if I wanted others to trust me. Only then can this life become real.

Chapter Text

I open my eyes to a white sterile room. A room I don't recognize. A room unfitting of the Matou heir. A place where I don't belong. I try to remember, to recall the events, but all I could recall was that shooting pain. My legs had hurt. The pain was unbearable, but right now I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't feel anything. I look forward, but I see no cast. Why was that?

"My legs…."

Something was supposed to be there, but all I saw was empty space. Nothing. Nothing at all! Nothing at all! Nothing at all! Nothing at all! Who did this to me, Matou Shinji?

"They're gone….."

I scream and yell, but no one comes. My legs were gone. It was pointless, but I couldn't stop. I slam my hands into the stumps hoping that something was there, but…..

"Gahhhh…!"

Even with the sedatives, the pain was unbearable. So unbearable that I wanted to die, but me dying? I didn't want to die. I didn't want to die. I didn't want to die. Matou Shinji can't die like that! To die in such a pathetic way? Without making something of myself? That brat! Rider! Sakura! If only she summoned a better Servant that smug little albino brat would be in my place.

"SAKURA!"

Where was she? That good for nothing "sister" of mine. Of course she wouldn't be here. I'm not jealous of Emiya. The only good thing about Sakura was that vulgar body and I'm sure Emiya isn't even interested in it. That Emiya creep probably prefers them younger. That white haired brat yesterday who ordered me legs to lopped off was dangerous and yet he just follows her up to the roof? Sakura has terrible taste in men, but that isn't surprising. Him? The perfect older brother? I'm certain he only let Sakura hang out with him because she's someone's little sister, because half the time, he's talking about his own little sister. He's so sketchy, and yet Sakura thinks of him as some paragon of virtue? She's really making fun of me. Love really is blind. She's just too easy.

"SAKURA!"

I bet Emiya cheats on the archery range with mage-craft. Aimbotter. He even has the gall to miss on purpose. The fact he's a magus that grandfather put tabs on, he isn't someone who can be trusted. Any good point about Emiya was him only putting on an act, yet, to fall in love with some half-baked act, someone you were explicitly ordered to observe…..

"Yes, nii-san?"

A voice, but no figure in view. It was only a trick of the light. Sakura appears in front of me by taking off her "scarf". Lucky her, to have such a vast collection of such wondrous magical tools, so many of them made from solid gold no less….

"I made some beef stew. Plenty of protein," she goes on to say with a thermos in her hands and sets it by the bedside.

"You're really slow aren't you? Stew isn't something you eat in bed. It's bound to spill on the sheets! I lost me legs and only now you show up?"

The harlot was making fun of me as she takes a seat next to my bedside.

"Yes," is all she says in response as if to confess that my hunch was correct.

"You're doing this on purpose!"

I raise my voice, but she continues smiling. That fake smile she always puts on in front of me. That's how it has always been right? Mocking me behind that smile. Looking down on me.

"It's good to see you so lively. I'm sure that you'll be dis…"

I reach for the thermos to throw at her, but stop myself. Just budging a little, the pain comes back.

"It hurts! It hurts. It hurts!"

It still hurts. She grabs the thermos and opens it up. Taking out a fork, she begins to feed me a chunk of radish, or pretend to. The fork makes its path to my mouth and I have no choice but to open up if I didn't want my cheek to be burned. It's hot. It's hot, but I had to endure. To be fed like a baby, I didn't want any evidence of it to remain.

"Still piping hot. Aren't thermoses amazing?" is her stating the obvious with that smile of hers. At the very least, that smile now was closer to being genuine, though the implications were hardly good.

It hurts. It burns. My throat burns and no words could escape my swollen mouth. All I could do was swallow.

"There's no need to speak. Even if you never recover, I'll take care of you. You belong to me after all. Rest assured, if she knows any better, she won't do anything to what's mine anymore," were the nonsensical words that come out of her mouth. She caresses my cheek in a way a mother would, not like I remember what that felt like. It was annoying. It was annoying. I wanted to brush it off, I turn my neck side to side violently, but she does not stop. Was she that slow or was she mocking me?

"Drop the act," is what I manage to say.

She pauses for a moment. Did I hurt her feelings?

"It's not an act. I actually do like you quite a bit," is what she says as a matter of fact.

Once again, that stupid little act. She was a nice girl, but nice girls are a lie. Being nice is simply a means to obtain, but there was no reason to fault her for that. All the girls at school who were ever nice to me were always after money. Men and women all put on acts to get what they want. That isn't wrong. People using people, exchanging one thing for another. That fact annoys me, but something annoys me more.

"What do you even want from me?" I ask, but she doesn't answer.

I wasn't special. I was ordinary. Sleeping in this bed, being unable to move, I can't run away from that fact any longer. Even though I was born within the Matou, I couldn't become a Matou. Matou were magi, but I had no magic circuits. That was why this insufferable girl in front of me was adopted. To inherit the Matou knowledge and yet, she takes no pride in being a Matou. She takes no pride in being what I could never hope to become. Obsessed more with the Emiya siblings and cooking than mage-craft. She looked forward more to cleaning the toilet than spending time with grandfather. I admit that the Matou mage-craft is not pretty to look at in practice, but to look down on us in that way….Someone as vulgar as her dreaming to be some no name housewife. It was unforgivable.

Someone special that wanted to be ordinary. Someone who had everything I wanted. I couldn't understand her at all. I couldn't understand what she was thinking at all. There's just one question in my head.

"What do you even want from me?" I ask again.

I had nothing. I'm not the strongest or the smartest at school. The Matou name was all I had that made me special, and yet I couldn't even practice Matou mage-craft. I was trash. I had nothing. I was nothing. My family was once great, but that ended when I was born. The Matou stopped being special when I came along. All we had were records of the fact we were once special. All those secret techniques I memorized, but could not perform because I didn't have magic circuits. My father, grandfather and Sakura were all laughing behind my back as I did pointless things. I wish to be a magus, but that won't come true as long as I was what I am. That's why I wanted the Holy Grail. That's why I chose to fight in the Holy Grail War.

"You belong to me, that's all," is the truth she speaks.

Ahahahah. More of that nonsense. She was so meek before, but now armed with that confidence, she says it like it is. So all this time, I was the toy. She really was making fun of me. I wasn't born with magic circuits and now I don't even have my legs.

"I must be really fun to mock aren't I? Some worthless normie that doesn't know his place."

"Normie? No, a normie wouldn't be dumb enough to fight in the Holy Grail War," is what she tells me to my face with that crapsaccharine smile.

"Did you just give me Rider to see me fail?..Maybe I should have just died back there. Without my legs, I'm….."

I try to laugh it off, but my eyes became wet. I was less than worthless right now. I had become a burden. That's all I could ever be from now on.

"Don't speak so lightly of dying. Everything ends when you die," were some nice sounding words coming out of her.

"Stop acting nice."

"This isn't something to cry over, but the fact you have something to cry for, something you want beyond yourself, chasing something you'll never obtain, to have hope, I think it's wonderful," was Sakura's nonsense again.

"You think that's wonderful?"

She lays her hand on my forehead. My legs were gone, but I didn't have a fever you dumb broad.

"When I was thrown away, I had nothing, but I didn't die. My world up until then was gone and all that was left was this body. This filthy….…. As long as I obeyed grandfather, I would survive and would simply receive. The pain, the filth, the power, I would receive it all, but that wasn't living.….I had no hopes of my own. Nothing I wanted to take. I once thought it would be fine to let grandfather decide what I needed to be, but you were different."

"Because grandfather expects nothing of me?"

I really wanted to hit her, but I couldn't get up. If I tried, my leg stumps would start hurting again.

"Yet you continued to live, to hope despite being hopeless, to seek something you couldn't obtain. You're similar to senpai in that respect. With or without your legs, is there really a difference from before? You were nothing and are still nothing. You'll live through this. Compared to you, back then, I simply survived. There was nothing I wanted for myself. Nothing to commit myself to…," were words of hers that shouldn't have been sad.

"Those are some words of privilege. If you have nothing you want, that must mean you have everything doesn't it? Haven't you already become what I wanted to be? When was the last time you listened to grandfather anyways?"

It was then the insufferable giggling starts. With her impish smile, the melancholy tone before becomes a lie.

"Yes. I realized quite a while ago that there are just too many things I don't want to lose," is what she admits to my face as she makes that self satisfied expression.

She stands up, sets the thermos to the side and turns her back. It was time for her to leave. It was laughable. It was laughable. So laughable that the pain in my legs no longer registered. My whole life really was a farce.

"Get well soon," were her words I couldn't accept.

Sakura just leaves just like that humming to herself. I still did not understand her in the slightest even after all these years.

I make my through the door, leaving the nameplate inscribed with "Matou" behind me. "Matou", that was the name of my current family. In many respects, my family was flawed, but I'm still Matou Sakura. I dawn my special scarf in a practiced motion, avoiding my long hair. I make my way down the hospital stairs. I pass through the crowded halls and there were a few familiar names. Ayako was also staying here wasn't she? Well, that's another person that won't be attending archery practice soon. More alone time with senpai, no, it's wrong to think like that. The hospital was certainly crowded. Was I partly to blame or was it mostly that witch?

As I make it outside, it was apparent that the day was still young as the sun had barely risen. I walk down the crowded streets and no one notices a thing. It would be a bad thing to be noticed after all. As I look up, a lot of people's gazes were drawn to the yellow tape that adorned a certain office building. I had an inkling who was responsible. I really didn't want to encounter "him".

It won't end well if he notices me, but he isn't one to notice nobodies in the background. I was always a nobody and with the treasured cloth wrapped around me, I was a nobody among nobodies. Would he accuse me of being a thief? Dealing with that person would be troublesome say the least. I was a misshapen, cobbled together counterfeit of him after all. Out of respect for his one friend, that king, the first hero would only accept a single "fake" in this world. All other "fakes" were an affront to his friend.

As I was a "fake" myself, I could never adopt such way of thinking despite the compulsions. No, in fact, I quite liked "fakes". That desperate and deliberate attempt to be real, I could not help but admire such a thing. My feet patter on the uniform slabs of concrete. My shoulders brush against the current of bodies, but no one pays attention. From the streets to the bridge, I take in each and every little identical nut and bolt. Every car I see, delivering people to their workplace was a copy. Advancement is built on replication and preservation. Prototypes are nice, but it is the mass produced copies that change this world. I make my way to school, but it was a long trip. I glance at my mass produced watch.

"Five minutes until school starts…."

Even though I started my day early and didn't visit the Emiya home, according to the time everyone else kept, I was going to be late for school wasn't I? I run and run. Almost an hour and I'm at the gate. I was late for certain. Not like there is a student council president to scold me, because he's in the hospital.

"So late…."

At the entrance, I see that familiar fluff of red hair. He was waiting for me. How wonderful, but the conversation was taken to a place I didn't want it to be.

"She's still alive isn't she?" is what he asks of me.

"I didn't touch her, but hopefully she learned her place last night," was the truth I confess. I didn't touch that insufferable little doll because I didn't get a chance because….

"Thank you," were words he didn't have to say.

We part ways. We were both late for class. As I enter the halls and pass by the classrooms, it was clear that quite a few people were absent. Well, the Holy Grail War was underway after all. My brother had tried gathering mana for Rider last night before meeting that white haired doll. Ayako and a few other students were hospitalized for that reason. I should have followed him. I feasted at the temple, which was why the student body president wasn't here either. To think that a Master was one of the teachers at school. It really was regrettable, though Caster was in fact responsible for a lot of hospitalizations herself.

There was one thing that was off, but I brushed it off.

I didn't see Miyu at all today, but there were quite a few days when her side job as an underground doctor took precedence. Maybe she was called over by Raiga again to treat people that couldn't be treated in a regular hospital? It was only the other day Taiga got injured. After all, in this Holy Grail War, I wasn't the only person sending people to the hospital. The yellow tape that draped a certain office building I walked past was evidence of that. The understaffed hospital was brimming with patients when I visited my brother, so it wouldn't be strange for Miyu to be called upon. For someone like her, for people with goals, school was of secondary importance.

Some of my earliest memories at the Emiya residence was that small frame hunched over a thick biology textbook. That small girl, even younger than me back then had something she wanted to be. She had a goal to aim for. In some ways, she had already achieved her goal in her work as an underground doctor. School in the end is a place for children to figure out what they wanted to be before they became adults.

Miyu. The perfect little sister. The perfect little daughter. A rarity that must be protected.

Emiya Kiritsugu, the late father of those two I had never met. The late father of an aspiring doctor and a superhero. Even though I never met him, I only had positive feelings for that man. His name was familiar in a way. It's a shame he isn't around anymore.

Lunch period comes once again and I meet up with that aspiring superhero at the rooftop once again. With the Holy Grail War underway, it was obvious that his patrols would get more aggressive and school becoming less important, yet for him to still come, there had to be a reason. It was clear he was going to interrogate me. It was then I realized that I was too careless. He stands before me with those tired eyes of his. In his eyes, something was missing.

"Where's Miyu?" is what he asks of me.

My heart rate rises. I miscalculated. It seems I was getting too arrogant. The world never reacted in a way I wanted, so even after getting power, why would that change?

Sakura's room was quite plain, but it was unmistakably a girl's, but right now, chained to the wall were two white haired figures. I had answered Sakura's summons and became her Servant under the alias of Rider. Right from the start, I knew that my Master wasn't a regular girl, for a regular girl wouldn't have summoned something like me. In every age, there are pitiful girls. Pitiful sisters. I stare at the two mature homunculi and watch them as I was ordered to. Don't let grandfather touch them. These women were hostages for Berserker's little Master.

The homunculi maids say nothing and I say nothing to them. I could tell that to them, the little Einzbern Master was more than just someone they served. It wasn't something they were coined to feel. Looking back, despite that little white haired girl's arrogance and hubris, she had rushed back home in a panic when her home was mentioned yesterday in that small skirmish. That loyalty was certainly something that was reciprocated. From what I overheard from Sakura's "grandfather" if he could be called as such, the maids were Einzbern "failures". The little Master the maids served presumably was the "success". They had a concept of "family", but that shouldn't be surprising.

I and my sisters were born from wishes. The three of us, the deification of men's desires for perfect "idols". Right from the start, we were existences that were both envied and coveted. In that way, we never got to live as humans did. These homunculi were the same. Coined from fine molds, too perfect to be the humans they emulated, it was only natural for the world to reject them like the world had rejected us. I could only see tragedy for them at the end of this war. Even though the age of gods had ended, the world did not change. After all, there are still idiotic asses that follow the carrot on the string like Shinji.

Chapter Text

Under the night sky, in the redheaded boy's hands is that familiar glow no different from mine those years ago when my father was still around teaching me. If he wasn't standing right before me, I wouldn't have even noticed. Magical energy swirls in his palm, before it takes the shape of the image in his head, a projection? The earliest tricks an apprentice would learn to hone their control over their circuits was Gradation Air. To give form, to one's mind. A parlor trick that created items inferior to equivalents made without mage-craft. It was commonly regarded as a dead end. Instead of projecting an inferior tool as a means, mana would be better spent to simply accomplish the end. If you needed a fire for example, casting a fire spell was more efficient than projecting a lighter. The constructs I made in my youth were always weak and temporal, yet the thing in Emiya's hands was the farthest thing from that description.

"Hrunting…."

A red jagged arrow that was almost alive, with the aura of a predator and the mystery of something ancient; not something hastily made seconds ago. It was a Noble Phantasm, a weaponized legend and it was a projection…

My head aches and my eyes burn. What was I doing? What the life of Tohsaka Rin leading to? I could only vaguely recall, yet there was something in my hand. My face muscles were sore, but staring at the thing in my hand, I understood why. Morning had come and night had passed. Did I spend all of last night grinning like an idiot passed out on my desk? Or was it something I stashed along with the blueprints…..Whatever was the case, I was late for school, but right now school wasn't important.

The Holy Grail War up to this point was an unabated disaster for me personally. I wanted to summon Saber, but got an Archer Servant instead. The complications the Emiya siblings raised didn't have to be mentioned. I wanted to ignore Sakura, to believe that she would have no involvement in this competition, but she was a Matou. There was no way she wouldn't get involved and it seemed she had quite a few secret weapons under her sleeves. The same kind the Emiya's had. I was careless. It seemed I wasn't immune to wishful thinking. Why couldn't they just have been a normal couple? If Sakura was able to push back that brat with Berserker in tow, then what were my chances? Despite not being normal, I was acutely aware of Sakura's preference for the current status quo which aligned with mine. Everyone will avoid fighting under daylight, that was the unsaid rule of this Holy Grail War, but considering that bounded field that was set up at the school before, I'm not sure. That was Shinji's doing wasn't it? Yet, Shinji was likely to be Sakura's pawn. She was able to avoid being outed as a Master by using him as a covering. The headache won't subside.

It was always one thing after the other, but it seems there was a silver lining. As I get my thoughts into order, the thing in my hands though was an illusion, it was something I could grasp. Something beyond my reach, something I was determined to hold one day, yet it was already in my hand before I even reached my second decade of life.

The light refracts off it in unpredictable ways. Rainbow light swirls that could barely be contained. Several bands that logically shouldn't have been the product of the cat's eye effect somehow adorned the ever changing surface. Despite the aesthetically crude appearance, from my eyes, it held both majesty and authority.

The Jewel Sword Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg, or at least a rough forgery of it.

The favored weapon of my family's great master, the Wizard Marshall. Filled within were energies from other worlds.

In order to overcome the enemy Masters who casually threw around Noble Phantasms, I needed a conceptual weapon of my own to compete, so I dug around for the blueprints I needed. Even if my spells were ineffective, sheer quantity had a quality all on its own. It was crass, but sometimes brute force was the only solution and the thing in my hands granted me exactly that in mana. The gem sword was a test given to us by one of the True Magicians in this world who had taken a liking to my ancestor. It was an assignment for our family line that stumped us for generations and Archer really just…...projected it for me like I asked him to.

"Are you really that happy about cheating on your homework, Master?" is the annoying voice of my Servant breaking my mood. I repay his remark with my own.

"Honestly, who in this war isn't cheating?"

Yes, my pride took a beating, but that wasn't the time for that now. If Archer could project Noble Phantasms of all things, then it was worth a try to consult him and the crystalline blade in my hands is the result. I turn my head to the side to see the scattered papers and broken furniture. My thoughts about last night were still fuzzy.

The smell of tea and a plate of cold breakfast is laid out before me, but my attention is elsewhere. How much did I oversleep? Yet, better question was simply, how? I stare at the breakfast he prepared. I stare at the change in my fortunes in my hand. It was only a rushed projection Archer made and he didn't seem satisfied at all with his handiwork, but it was still an example of a multi-dimensional refractory phenomenon. Looking at the crystal blade, I knew if that if I tried to recreate it, I would run out of money a quarter of the way if I was being optimistic about my family's funds. Kirei really….

"Besides, aren't you a cheater yourself? What are the laws of equivalent exchange to you?"

An archer adept at housework, sword fighting, cooking and smithing? Quite the list of abilities, but none describe a hero I know of.

"I appreciate the praise, but I can't say I was even a magus by any stretch of the imagination. I"m a maker, not a user, scholar or engineer. That thing in your hands, I honestly can't even begin to understand how I would use it," is what he tells me as he ponders something with that uncertain tone.

He might have held it before? Well, if his mage-craft is his Noble Phantasm, then it's understandable. In the end, the actual abilities of a hero in life are irrelevant compared to the people's perception of that hero.

A heroic spirit derives their power, their Noble Phantasm from the mystique of that perception. Heracles overcame 12 trials that should have killed him in his legend, so his Noble Phantasm grants him 12 extra lives as a heroic spirit. If Archer was a legendary smith believed to be able to craft any sword, then his Noble Phantasm would be exactly that despite whatever actual proficiency he had in life if he existed at all. Even though he knows nothing of the Second True Magic, he was able to produce an example of it simply because it was sword shaped.

"And I thought magi were supposed to be cheaters."

In the end, the nature of magi are of cheaters, but heroic spirits were something else. To practice mage-craft was to rebel against the natural law of things, but to be a hero was to do the impossible. I was tempted to pry more into my Servant's identity, but considering I had already gotten what I had wanted out of him, asking for more was just tempting fate considering all the other things that have went wrong these past few days. They were only starting to go right….

It was quiet, but that shouldn't be the case. That brat who was used to living in castles was now living here and surely she didn't strike me as someone that can stay still if her antics at school yesterday are anything to go by. She must have left the house. Was she going to antagonize the Emiya siblings again? Well, that encounter with Sakura must have at least made her less brazen….Who am I kidding? We'll probably need to bail her out again.

"If you're wondering about Berserker's Master, then she left the house an hour ago," is what my Servant confesses.

That girl didn't like being tailed. Her Berserker, Heracles, the greatest of Greek Heroes was still apprehensive about my Archer. Probably didn't agree completely with what was done to "free" him of that shadow yesterday. Well, considering Archer is still trying to feign amnesia, hiding his true name from me, his Master, logically dictates that I should be apprehensive too. I had 2 command spells, but I wasn't really sure if they would prove useful against Archer.

If he was able to project something like the gem sword of all things, I wouldn't be surprised if he could project some sort of contract severing dagger. The ability to "project any sword" is just too vague and he has projected plenty of things that are not swords. Emiya, his counterfeit was able to project that shield of light in our first encounter, so who knows what's up Archer's sleeves? The journey to the closing days can't be anything but troublesome. I can only continue to ask him things he'll be certain to answer.

"Archer, where did she run off to?"

"Off trying to pawn off that thing you pawned on her, but what was that thing anyways?" was the question he asks me.

I enter the living room, looking around, there were clearly signs of clean up. A lot of clean up. Holes here and there. It seems Archer had a lot of things to do other than preparing breakfast. Archer could recreate the gem sword, but he had to fix the house with a hammer and nails? Guess he wasn't a famous carpenter or else his Noble Phantasm would have covered it. I finish the last bites of my breakfast sandwich, pocketing the gem sword and quickly dawn my red coat, before making my way out the door as my head clears up. I run past the houses and wonder what my life would be like if I wasn't a magus, but I dismiss the thoughts. Another day of cleaning I suppose.

Pawned on her? Well, if I took out the blueprints for the gem sword last night, then….it had to be….

"It seems you had quite the hobby, so does this box contain your family's dark history or something?" were that little devil's words, but it seemed she was holding onto something worse than the devil. Well, it should be inactive so I shouldn't have to worry about anything. I wanted to tell her to put it down carefully, but she brushes the tacky pink star wand against her hair to clear out the dust and the twigs from the Einzbern forest.

"This blood, this blood….tastes off….." was that synthetic, yet natural sounding voice from my nightmares. Was her ear scuffed or did that cross shaped pommel draw blood?

Oh no.

The ominous glow that cuts through the world. That glow that naturally draws our eyes to it. A red glow even worse than the glow of Berserker's eye. It was something that didn't belong to this world, but neither are the Servants in this Holy Grail War. If I'm to win against heroes of legend, then this thing in front of me shouldn't…...but that giggling…...that giggling…..

"Six years…...six years…...six years…..you've grown up Rin! …..That's a shame….…but who's this you brought me? Boys or girls, it never really mattered to you, but..." that thing says with that chilling enthusiasm.

"It talks?" is the little devil's faked exasperation at the cursed artifact that was twisting around her palm. The red beady orbs meet red beady orbs.

"Sorry, sorry, but you must be my new master! Nice to meet you. I'm the Kaleidostick of Love and Justice, Magical Ruby!" was what it introduced itself as, but there was no love or justice to be found in that thing. That thing doesn't understand human feelings, despite its knack for manipulating human feelings.

"If a little blood is all you need to register as a master…..that's some lousy security," was the little white haired devil's ignorance. Better her than me right? No that was irresponsible. That isn't the Tohsaka way. Be elegant. I fill my lungs with air. I was going to warn her, well, I was at least contemplating it, but Ruby makes its next move.

"So, where did Rin kidnap you from? Are you her apprentice…... or perhaps…...heheheh," is that ominous giggle.

"What are you insinuating?" was Illyasviel questioning the obvious. It's fine when you insinuate unsavory things, but it's a different story when someone else does it? Are you related to Shinji? Are you seriously playing along with that thing? She tries to pry her hand off the handle, but Ruby won't let her.

"Don't talk to it. It won't end well," is my warning, but it falls on deaf ears. Illyasviel continues to stare in interest and wonder at the unusual thing. If only she knew what that thing truly was, but she was sure to find out soon.

"Well, when it comes to boys or girls, I always suspected Rin was fine with either, but looking at you, it seems my tastes must have rubbed off on her somehow, but it's unfortunate for you isn't it? A girl with no where to go, no name, no family nor home…...stuck with that old hag…...but don't worry, you're my master now.."

Is that brat really getting flustered over something like that? She's more innocent than she appeared to be then. The smell of magical energy. She was calling her Servant to her side.

"I have a name and it's Illyasviel von Einzbern and my Servant is Berserker, not you!" is that shrill cry.

Blood, contact, "love" and a name are the terms of contract or something Ruby insists are the terms, but my mind blanks out as the world turns pink...

"The new Kaleido Ruby Prisma Illya is born!.." is that giddy voice that never knows when to stop and as Illyasviel's giant guardian appears to snap that stick in two, I worry for my home.

"The Kaleidostick, Magical Ruby….," were the words a bluntly spit out as I walk down the empty streets as everybody else had already gotten to work or school. So that's why the living room was...in the state that it was. I had ignored the ruckus last night and locked myself in my room to test out the gem sword's functionality.

The gem sword blueprints could be called our family treasure, but it was locked away inside that special treasure box along with …..Magical Ruby, which to be honest couldn't really be called a treasure. Though it was a magical wand with the same capabilities of the gem sword and many other extraneous functions; it was difficult to see it as anything else but a cursed item that was pawned off on us. Still, I didn't pawn it on her, Ruby latched onto her on its own. At least I won't have to deal with Ruby is that small reassurance enough to put a smile on my face.

"...You're sending me mixed messages right now," were the words of my guardian ghost that mundanes could not see tailing behind me.

"It's one of the most powerful mystic codes of the modern era created by the Wizard Marshall, user of the Second Sorcery our family owes everything to."

"Still sending me mixed messages here," is my Servant's way of playing dumb. In some ways, he and that sentient wand were alike. I wanted to avoid walking into a trap if possible.

"So, after witnessing what happened last night, do you think Ruby is some sort of masterpi….to put it simply, it's the the Kaleidostick that Zelretch didn't want. The failed first attempt...or Sapphire's older sister as it likes to puts it."

"So they come in a pair..," was Archer's takeaway because he doesn't say anything more as I pound the pavement. A pair? If Emiya derived his power from the spirit I was contracted to, then were those two swords that he always uses the key to figuring out Archer's identity? Well, that comes later. I fling my Amethyst into the air and let the resulting crystalline owls search from the sky, hidden in the sun's light.

Target of interest spotted.

I leap into Archer's arms and he takes to the air.

The Rin in my memories was always cost conscious, but that "sword" I projected for her must have made her feel rich. Despite being well off, Rin was someone who always felt poor, but that's the result of practicing gem-craft. To be fair, the research of any magus is bound to be expensive. Gems were quite frankly one of the tamest of the consumables I had encountered in my life as Emiya Shirou.

Human sacrifice.

That "KaleidoStick", that thing that called itself "Ruby", I wouldn't be surprised if "Ruby" wasn't some malevolent spirit of the sacrificial victim, but the Wizard Marshall wasn't such a person despite being a dead apostle. That old man in all intents and purposes was an ally of humanity, a hero that surpassed the moon. As a guardian of balance, the concept of time was meaningless to me and as such my memories for the most part were an incomprehensible mess, but his sword was clearly recorded somewhere within my Reality Marble. That was why I was able to project his sword for Rin after glancing at the blueprints I couldn't really understand. For one who was never a proper mage, it was useless to me, but Rin, whose ancestor was chosen by that man was a different story.

In humanity's pursuit for progress, to gain what they desired, throughout history and folklore, humans have always concluded that human sacrifice was unavoidable, directly or indirectly. It can't be ignored that many of the conveniences modern humans in developed countries enjoy were adapted from military technology. Canned goods and microwaves were such conveniences, but I tried to avoid them as there were things I will not compromise even after forsaking my ideals. It was conflict that pushed the field of metallurgy to its limits in the heat treatment of swords, armor and eventually gun chambers a scholar must have proposed, but…

Kanshou and Bakuya.

Ancient Chinese swords. Crafted for the sake of crafting. Swords without vanity or purpose. The lack of decor had a utilitarian appeal to them that I'm sure even my foster father would have understood, but the story behind them was something he wouldn't have enjoyed.

Gan Jiang was ordered to forge an imperial sword by the King of Wu, yet he came up short. He could not forge a sword that that would suffice with his own power. That was why his wife Mo Ye threw herself into the furnace, burning her life away to feed the flames of the forge. From those flames, a pair of identical swords was forged.

One black and the other white.

The sister I didn't know and the sister I didn't know enough of.

"Miyu" and "Illya".

Rin's familiars had spotted them in the park and now we spy on them from a nearby rooftop as they sit side by side on the swings with fish shaped pastries in hand. It should have been a precious scene, but I knew that was wishful thinking. My Master says nothing, only watching them because Saber was watching us from one of the few trees in the park in the most conspicuous manner as she tries to swat the winged wand "Ruby" away.

" A lion stuck in a tree? Well, lions are just big cats after all. Are you sure you can get down? Need help? Need a push?" was that lively artificial voice that escaped no pair of lips that I was somehow able to read.

Kings always had trouble concealing their presence, but Saber was on another level. Even the mad giant Illya commanded was better at hiding, but that was because he had the luxury of a spiritual form like me. I was having trouble keeping my composure. Dressed like a cartoon lion, holed up in a tree, my lips couldn't help but quiver. Was this some sort of strategy "Miyu" had devised? Well, it mattered not because our position was already compromised as the roof of the house we were perched on provided no cover. Saber's intuition guaranteed that she would spot us. We focus our eyes on that empty playground save for two.

The one that was kept and the one that was not.

When Gan Jiang was ordered to present what he had produced, only Bakuya, named after his wife was presented. Kanshou, the smith had kept hidden away from his employer. In the end, his deception was discovered and the blacksmith was put to death. Even though separated, the two swords were destined to meet.

"Hey, if that's the case, can you tell me why Kiritsugu chose to keep you and not me?" was that ominous melancholy smile from the white haired girl from my memories.

Chapter Text

All things end. Nothing lasts forever. There was no empire that stood the test of time no matter how great. The same story repeats over and over again. Long ago, in turbulent times, there was a girl who lived with her father and her older brother. To protect others. To live righteously. It was hard to say if she was raised as such or such things were natural to her. Nonetheless, in her era, those that protected the weak like her father and her older brother before her were called  Knights . In order to catch up, to stand beside, to surpass, she swung her sword without rest, always gazing forward beyond the horizon. Her country was headed to certain ruin and no mere knight alone could save it. The only thing that could save a country was a king.

So, it was only natural that she become that king. To become the  King of Knights .

The feelings she harbored, whatever they were didn't matter at all once she pulled the sword from the stone and claimed her birthright. The harsh truth was that she shared no blood with the one she called her brother. Within her blood flowed something beyond human and by drawing the sword of selection, she had relinquished her humanity along with her human feelings. To the plotting witch who possessed the same inhumanity within her, her younger sister did not deserve the throne.

A slip of paper in my shoe locker. I take the small folded piece into my hands and my eyes go red. I see it, the image of a park assaults my head. A piercing migraine. A looming apartment building composed of nothing but rectangles. Sparse trees whose bare branches could be seen. A lamp post in the center. A slide, a sandpit and swings, but there are no children. A strong grip on my shoulder brings me back to reality. I didn't die.

"Master….are you alright?" was Saber's voice, ringing like a bell.

"It's nothing," I say.

She eyes my clenched fist and the sweat on my brow. She knows I was hiding something, but it was then, her eyes shift to the teacher behind her. With what Saber wore, it was hard to miss her, but we haven't had an opportunity to shop for clothes. Throughout yesterday, people simply assumed that Saber was simply petitioning to change the school mascot to a lion when she would inevitably argue about the appeal of lions to the uninformed masses until everyone realized that she wasn't a student. She had a face that couldn't be forgotten after all.

"We turned a blind eye yesterday, but who is this person exactly Miss Emiya and what is her relation to you?" was the question that wasn't asked yesterday.

I respond truthfully.

"My Servant."

The teacher mumbles a bit. I was someone who always stated fact as best as I knew it. That was always the quickest way to reach a conclusion, though people would always look at me funny. I never really understood it.

"I see…," was his response before walking away while clearing his throat. The situation was defused, but Saber gave me a concerned look.

"Master, was that wise?" was the question Saber asks of me.

"I simply stated fact and that sufficed," were my words as I looked her right in the eyes.

"I see…," was her response. She closes her eyes for a moment before telling me with this, "I don't sense any enemy Servants, but I'll scout out ahead Master."

I could deduce her intention.

"If you see Tohsaka-senpai, don't attack."

"You have faith in everyone's adherence to rules, but it seems I still have not gained your trust," were Saber's words I didn't want to hear.

"It isn't anything like that."

"No, that just means that there are areas I need to improve. I wish you luck with your classes," were the words she leaves me with.

With Caster dispatched yesterday, there was little worry about familiars, only enemy Servants and with the exception of Assassin, there was no way Saber couldn't sense them if they were at school. I try to relax, to take my thoughts away from the Holy Grail War, but it wasn't that easy.

I enter homeroom.

The school bell rings and homeroom begins. I couldn't pay attention at all. The slip of paper in my pocket lingers in my mind. I unfurl it and scan the contents, or lack of them.

A rough sketch, a rough map and rougher words.

"I have a present for you, Miau. ˁ⁽͑˙˚̀ˆ̇˚́˙⁾̉ˀ"

Words scrawled with a sense of unfamiliarity that indicated the sender was either young, a foreigner or both. I didn't need to guess who had sent it. The sender was someone that couldn't be ignored. The sender was someone I couldn't ignore. If I tried to ignore her, she would inevitably come for me and my brother would inevitably come between us to protect me from her. She had visited the school yesterday. I stare around the classroom and notice some people were missing. Sakura didn't visit us this morning. I couldn't sit still at all. I raise my hand.

"Sensei, something has come up."

"If it's you, there's no need to ask," was the standard response.

I stand up from my desk and leave. Hushed whispers. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary for me or those around me.

"She doesn't even need to attend class to ace those exams anyways, little miss perfect."

I walk down the halls and map out the path in my head. I needed to stop making mistakes. The things I couldn't do for dad. The things my brother had to do for me to protect the life I was living right now. The things other people go through because of me.Those were things I couldn't ignore anymore. Over the years, I had learned that being happy wasn't the only reason people smiled and that smiling wasn't a guaranteed sign that someone was happy. My father and my brother always had those tired eyes…..

"A kid's job is to study, so that you can help others when you're grown up," was the advice Taiga had given me when she was still studying to be a teacher. My father and my brother didn't refute it back then.

That was the path I have walked up until now, but even though it wasn't wrong, it wasn't enough. One day, dad had simply passed away without reason and I buried myself in a medical textbook after the fact. I couldn't let something like that happen again. I couldn't ignore what other people were hiding. That's why I pestered my brother about his nightly patrols. Day after day and he finally caved in and taught me mage-craft. He also gave me 7 cards. Cards I didn't completely understand, but I was able to use them. To use oneself as a vessel, to displace one's existence with a heroic spirit. A high form of Flash Air.

As the years go by, the one thing remains constant: I didn't know enough. Regardless of how much he was hiding from me, my brother didn't know everything either. The white haired girl who was our sister was a complete unknown to him. A girl who was a vessel capable of granting wishes…...to grant wishes…...like the wish I granted myself that day….

Problems aren't solved by ignoring them.

I give the order.

"Saber, meet me at the roof."

"Understood," was the word that rang out in my head.

As I reach the roof of the school, Saber is there fully armored presenting her back. She already understood my unease. She already understood my intent.

"Before we go into battle with Berserker's Master, shouldn't you inform Shirou first?" was the unavoidable question. With each Master commanding a hero of legend, battle was an inevitability, but...

"It won't be a battle. Only a negotiation," is the wish I make. My brother's presence would only complicate things.

She doesn't say anything more. I saw glimpses of the path Saber had walked in my dreams, but that did not mean I knew what path to take. All I knew was that Illyasviel was not someone I could afford to ignore. Though Saber's frame was small, I was even more so. I mount her back and we take off. The invisible air that sheathed her sword shields us from the turbulence.

With Saber following close behind me, we walk down the streets. The housewives that pass us by give us funny looks which was odd. Was it my school uniform or the pajama Saber was wearing? Though Saber is dressed like a lion, she wasn't the only one oddly dressed. We pass by someone dressed up as a giant sea bream handing out samples of taiyaki. Fish shaped pancakes filled with red bean paste, but oddly enough, they contained no fish. The reason they took on such a shape was because historically, red sea bream was a luxury food reserved for festivals. By imitating the shape, a simple snack cake becomes something more.

I didn't retrieve my bento from earlier, so I didn't have any food with me. Our fridge was also running low. We didn't do any grocery shopping these past few days nor did we buy Saber a less conspicuous outfit, but first things first.

I step by the taiyaki stand and give the order.

"3 bags please."

I pay the price, as a result, I'm handed the bags and I give 2 to Saber who quickly empties them as we walk. I knew from the start that the gesture wasn't enough. Only a few more intersections until our destination. Saber was going along with what I wanted even though it was clearly against her interests. If what the priest said about the grail was true, about Illyasviel becoming the Holy Grail, then….Saber who seeks the grail may become my enemy.

"Am I being foolish?" is the question that slips from my mouth.

"Maybe, but I can't say your decision is without merit," is what Saber says to me. I couldn't see Saber as a bad person.

"How would have dad approached such a situation?"

"The mere fact you are discussing this with me is more than I can say about that man, but if Illyasviel is in fact his daughter, I cannot say. I never understood that man to the very end," is Saber's honesty. I was tempted to tell her what the priest told me. Saber deserves more, but I stop myself.

"I never really understood him either to be honest."

For the first time in my life, I did not simply state the fact.

We make our way past the buildings and a weak bounded field. Tucked away in the corner was that small patch of park that matched the one that I saw. It was a place I had ceased to visit years ago, but it wasn't empty. Slipping down the slide was the girl who called me her "little sister" despite being the same height….dressed up in a pink frilly dress? She falls into the sand head first. It seemed she was genuinely surprised at my arrival.

"You actually came?" was her exclamation as she brushes the sand out of her hair, but her expression sours when she sees Saber beside me.

"That's no good Illya! From one older sister to another. You need to…." was a strange slightly synthetic voice I didn't recognize, but before I could ponder more, that voice is cut off.

Crack!

That was the noise that was made when the pink wand in her hand struck the side of the slide.

"That's cruel! That's not what a magical girl…." was that voice again that never got to finish once again.

Crack!

Saber readies herself ready to pounce and Illya readies her star topped wand.

"Isn't my little sister a more suitable magical girl? Just look at the way she makes Saber dress!"

The wand bends and flexes as if alive, its beady little red ornaments fixed on us.

"Is this a bad time?" I ask her.

The wand is thrown at me, but Saber pounces, catching it mid air and smashes it against the ground with her paw. No explosion. No trick. I stare at the wriggling thing and could have sworn it said, "that's not a proper beast mode! If you contract with me," but Saber presses it against the earth until it was beneath the ground where no sound could escape except for incomprehensible mumbles.

"So you're not ecstatic about my present?" is the perplexing thing my "older sister" asks me. Was that talking wand supposed to be a gift?

I bow.

"I'm sorry I didn't think of bringing a gift. All I have with me is some taiyaki."

I present the brown bag in front me. With the way she was dressed, I couldn't get a clear read on her personality. A peace offering, however small was worth a try.

"Aren't you going to come closer?" is my big sister's taunt.

The great pressure behind the white haired girl was something I couldn't ignore. Anyone with a little magical potential would notice such a thing.

"Saber would advise me not to get too close to your Berserker."

She puts her index finger to her lips and turns to the invisible thing behind her.

"Yes, that would be a problem. Berserker, take to the building and act as lookout. Don't let anyone bother us," is her command and the giant obliges with a leap. The gust of wind blinds my eye for a second. Saber tenses up, uncertain of the choice of action, she looks to me.

"Saber, take to that tree and do the same," is my command. She closes her eyes for a moment to think, but she obliges without a word, while tightly gripping the star tipped wand.

"Be careful," were the words she leaves me with.

Illyasviel takes to the swings and smiles at me while patting down the seat beside her. I couldn't read her, but that was why I had to move forward. I take the seat beside her. We sit side by side, but she does not turn her head to face me.

"So you actually came," was a conclusion she didn't quite believe herself before taking the conversation forward, "was the map hard to read?"

"I didn't read it. I simply had memories of this place….," but my words stop. I turn to her and her eyes were digging into me.

"You actually got caught in that cheap trick?" was her reaction, full of disbelief. What was she surprised about?

"What was the reason you called me out?"

"Well, girls your age as I've been told are into things like "magical girls", but that stupid stick might just be lying. Still, while you're here, I want to know your relation to that Makiri girl," is the name that the Einzbern girl drops as she suddenly changes to subject without any regard to me. Einzbern, Tohsaka and Makiri. The three families involved in the Holy Grail War according to the overseer I saw yesterday.

"Makiri?"

"You don't know? So they keep you in the dark don't they? Matou is their naturalized name….What was her name again? Sakura?..." were her words I didn't let her finish. My hand quivers. I was about to reach out for the cards in my pocket, but I control myself. I calm myself down.

"I see..."

She smiles as she was able to get a momentary rise out of me.

"So someone like you can get angry. Well, my temper isn't that good either. My maids always chastise me for that, but who is Sakura to you?" was a question I never really thought too hard on.

Sakura was a family friend for a good half a decade at this point, but before all of that, she appeared one day out of the blue. I never thought too hard about who she was, but if one thing was true about her was that she liked my big brother, so she couldn't have been a bad person. That's why I didn't like the tone she was taking. I didn't like what she was implying. For that reason, there is only one answer.

"A friend."

Illyasviel is taken aback for a second, but her next words contain undeniable venom, "a friend, huh? Then, that might prove to be a problem."

There was undeniable venom in those words, but I didn't understand the context behind them.

"You see, I have maids. They're names are Sella and Leysritt. They're annoying, but they're supposed to be mine," is her offhand comment.

"So you aren't alone?" is the question I ask.

Illyasviel was not alone. That was the fact I was able to pick up in that one sentence. That fact alone relieved me for a moment, but that was my mistake.

"Why did you smile just now?" the white haired girl beside me taking on a dangerous expression.

I needed to defuse the situation. I turn my gaze at the bag of taiyaki between us. They were getting cold. I take one of the fish shaped pastries and offer it to her. She sniffs it a bit.

"Is this for cats?" was that barely audible murmuring. Cautious at first, but she takes a large bite to get it over with. She bites into it without contemplating at all if it was poisoned or not. I saved her life in our first encounter, so she understands I don't want to hurt her at the very least.

"Sweet, but….are these beans?" she exclaims after chewing and swallowing.

Did it taste strange? I take one out of the bag and take a bite as well. I didn't find anything odd.

"Nothing unusual."

"Nothing unusual? A snack cake with beans is not unusual?" she asks dumbfounded.

Of course. She wasn't used to the local food, but our local food wasn't strange.

"Beans are a legume just like peanuts and peanuts are also used in sweets just as tree nuts are, so such a combination isn't strange."

"Next you'll tell me that there is no difference between walnuts and wingnuts like papa did," she says after taking another bite. Even though she thought taiyaki to be a bit strange, she continued to eat it. Stuffing her cheeks enthusiastically like a small animal. At this moment, she looked like any other girl.

She was the same height as me and looked to be around the same age, but she uttered "papa" with a venomous familiarity.

"You've met papa before?"

I had to confirm it.

"Of course. I met him before you were born. That's what makes me the older sister," is what Illyasviel states as an immutable fact. "Really now, it seems you don't know much of anything and I thought you were supposed to be a smart girl."

Smart girl? I have never thought of myself as such. No matter how much I tried to learn, there were always things I would miss. Things that weren't small at all. A smart girl would have realized dad's condition right away. A smart girl wouldn't worry her older brother so much. A smart girl would have realized what her older sister was angry about. A smart girl would always know the right words to say. If only I was a smart girl.

"I can tell you that I'm not anything special."

That was the simple truth.

"Hey, if that's the case, can you tell me why Kiritsugu chose to keep you and not me?" was the question she asks, the same question I was asking myself all of last night. The minutes pass by without me saying a word. I stare at the taiyaki in my hands. She stares at me and I give my best educated guess.

"He didn't get to choose."

Dad would always take trips overseas and come back tired, more so than usual. Despite how tired he was, he never stopped going overseas. Maybe that was one of the reasons why I never noticed his worsening condition, but that was just a flimsy excuse. Kiritsugu never stopped thinking about his daughter Illyasviel. That was the reason why he was always pained when we were together because I wasn't her.

"Are you admitting that you did something to his head? Just like dear onii…" were words that left her lips, but she doesn't finish. Her hand rests on my cheek.

"Are you crying?" were not her words of comfort. Despite wiping away my tears, she was angry with me.

I feel a quick tug and when I register my surroundings once again, the swings were distant. Saber was behind me fully armored.

"Illyasviel, what did you do to my Master?" is Saber's voice cutting through the distance.

Berserker materializes in front of us to shield his Master from our view. Our Servants ready their weapons, but no one makes a move. The star tipped wand was once again in Illyasviel's hands, but that was simply another thing to the list of things she was displeased with right now for reasons I didn't understand at the time.

"So this talk was just a waste of time…we're leaving Berserker," were her departing words without a proper goodbye.

Chapter Text

"Are you admitting that you did something to his head? Just like dear onii…," is the accusation I couldn't finish.

Tears.

Even though my little sister's gaze was unwavering, tears stream down her face. Tears she doesn't even notice. Tears that couldn't have been faked. I hated it. Those tears are wiped away and it was then I realize it was my hand that was wiping them. I stare at my damp fingers.

"Illya.."

I remember his face. Black hair and unkempt stubble. That man who was my father. That man who always cheated at games. That man who couldn't keep the simplest of promises. That man who was always on the verge of tears. That man who didn't come back.

The wetness of my hands was no illusion. I didn't want to believe, but the truth was in front of me. Living the life that I was denied, was that small share of happiness such a cheap, fragile thing? Was the family I was denied ultimately something worthless?

How stupid. How stupid.

"Are you crying?" is what I was finally able to ask with such a harsh tone that it surprised even me. It wasn't something I needed to confirm, but I was compelled to ask anyway.

Maybe I wanted to hear screams. Maybe I wanted to see blood. Maybe I wanted to see tears, but not tears like these. I was angry, but I could not bring myself to hate her which made me even angrier because I didn't know who or what I was angry at.

I wanted to slap the melancholy out of her, but I missed my chance. Before I could even blink, a sand cloud is kicked up, Berserker appears in front of me as Saber had pulled my little sister away from the swings; away from me. Was my hostility so obvious or was it a warrior's intuition?

My guardian stares down at hers. Saber could only stare up at my Heracles because she was barely taller than me. Primal eyes meet regal ones. Even though the little knight was descended from dragons, my guardian was descended from gods. Dragons were nothing; at most, a minor inconvenience when grocery shopping for golden apples if those dreams were to be believed.

"Illyasviel, what did you do to my Master?" is Saber's voice cutting through the distance. A voice so clear, it cuts through my frustration. I calm down and realize how unbecoming I was acting.

Just as my guardian stares down hers, I stare at her and she meets my gaze with that sad face. She hasn't lost anything yet and she makes that face.

Berserker answered my call for the Holy Grail just like your Saber. If I wasn't the Lesser Vessel for the Holy Grail, there would be no meaning for Sella and Leysritt to serve me. The people around us only care about the Holy Grail. Papa was like that too; that was the only reason he married Mama wasn't it? Even though he threw it away like yesterday's trash. That was my entire life, our fates are tied, but you up until now were able to live a life beyond such a petty thing.

Papa has been gone for years for both of us, yet you still have a brother that cares for you, a brother who cares nothing for the Holy Grail. That Makiri girl too. To them, this Holy Grail War has only been a nuisance hasn't it?

For every person that is able to bask in happiness, there are many more who simply can't. Sweet child. I stand on 1000 years of Einzbern sacrifices and yet, you stand over me. Beneath you were all the victims in the last Holy Grail War; all of papa's victims. Standing on that peak, blessed by so many people; a winner like you should at least be as happy as all of us losers combined. That life of yours can't be trash, so why are you already crying? If you're already miserable, what more can I do to you? What am I supposed to be doing? I didn't know the answer. I was frustrated. I was angry. I tried my best to smile when she made that face last time, but getting a closer look at it, it didn't make me happy at all.

"So this talk was a failure…we're leaving Berserker."

I get up from the swings and my guardian dissipates as Saber stays her sword. My little sister based on her answers was completely in the dark about what happened to Sella and Leysritt among other things. If I stayed in the castle like they wanted, could I have stopped that Makiri girl? I thought teasing my supposed little sis would be fun, but I wasn't having any fun at all, though I admit the fish shaped pancakes filled with beans were quite tasty. Sella would have never let me taste any peasant fare. I walk out of the park and that cry baby doesn't chase after me; she even urges Saber not to follow. The minutes pass and all around me are those tall garish rectangular buildings.

If something can be said about that cry baby was that she has only been honest with me; no strings attached which is more that could be said about papa. The Storch Ritter, my wire-frame birds I used to monitor the park return to me. I grasp at the strands tightly as they are unmade, I inhale and exhale, trying to process what I should be doing. I came to this country to participate in the Holy Grail War. To inflict retribution on the father that wronged the Einzbern family, the father that left me behind, but that father wasn't here anymore. So all I could do was vent out on the kids he left behind.

I realized then, that the person I was angry with was myself.

We walk down the empty streets of her neighborhood with our Servants in tow as the sun sets. While Berserker was in spiritual form, Archer was wearing a casual dress shirt with paper grocery bags in his arms. Even if the Holy Grail War is going on, there's no excuse for not having decent meals. I even got to try some strange salty pancakes with shrimp for lunch as Archer was shopping. Still, the currency in this country; someone really loves needlessly big numbers don't they? What're they compensating for? The only thing those big numbers accomplish is causing stingy people like Rin to groan. She made too big of a deal of me for not carrying any money. Honestly, she makes too big a deal about everything.

"So, I'm guessing you won't stop trying to harass your siblings any time soon is it?" is what Tohsaka asks of me once again just as my mood had improved.

"I just wanted to confirm your little sister's relation to mine this time," I say in a cheery tone.

Rin was frustrated and that was the cue for that annoying thing buzzing around us.

"So, is this an older sister's jealousy perhaps?…," is what the defective wand says trying to get a rise out of Rin.

Rin simply exhales. I thought she would be angrier, but it seems she had grown accustomed to things not going her way and accepted that fact.

"Did you actually try to pawn off Ruby?" is what Rin asks straight to the point.

"You were serious?" is what that wand inquires.

"This stick even with the second magic wouldn't help me hurt my little sister anyways."

"True, true. I'm an ally to all young girls, wait, what is this about hurting…..," is the obvious lie the stick makes, but we pay no heed to it.

"Well, if that Miyu was contracted with Ruby, it'd be harder for her to kill us," is Rin's perfectly valid point.

"Wait, this is that barbaric Holy Grail War isn't it? And the old coot said I was his worst mistake," is the stick's offhand comment about the Wizard Marshall. Well, even if you were created by the Wizard Marshall, you're completely useless as a weapon and we're stuck with you aren't we?

"I don't like that expression of yours," is what it says to me.

I grab the fluttering thing with both my hands and shoot it a smile. I ask it a question.

"Was there anything in my little sister you found lacking?"

"Twin tails," are the words it drops without hesitation trying to garner Rin's frustration. A small rise from that attempt, but no outburst. Though, I had to agree that Rin was too old to wear her hair the way she does.

"Hey, if that's the case, can you tell me why you chose to stick around me and not her?" was simply my curiosity.

"She doesn't seem as fun to tease, though Sapphire would beg to differ," is the stick's answer that shouldn't have surprised me.

I've confirmed it once again. My whole life is a joke, yet my mood now is better than it was before.

"Are you smiling?" is what Rin asks me.

"When nothing goes your way, you just learn how to smile at every little thing," is my advice as a proper adult. Not just accepting things with a sigh, but to smile through it. Grasp whatever small victory, whatever small happiness you can even if others say it's unsightly. My thoughts drift to that cry baby once again. That's the way it should be lil sis, yet today you denied me even that didn't you?

"Hold up," is Archer's sudden warning. I could only sigh.

Nothing goes our way, so I wasn't surprised when Archer drew our attention to a figure in the distance situated on top of a building. Someone was watching us. Well, two Masters and two Servants walking together in broad daylight, it wouldn't be strange if we drew attention from the other contestants. I wasn't Archer's Master, so I couldn't see through his eyes.

"Sakura," is what Rin utters under her breath.

"Master, your orders," is what Archer asks of Rin.

Sakura was it? The face of that rude girl surfaces in my mind once again. That ribbon of hers too. That cry baby of a little sister doesn't know it yet, but I met that insufferable girl twice already. The first time was when I descended down those stairs. The second time was when she attacked my castle. To threaten me with violence, to attack my castle and take my maids away, that girl certainly was a bad person, so much so that I pity Rin. The seconds pass, but nothing happens.

"If you can shoot her then shoot her, you're an Archer right?"

"Don't order my Servant around," was Rin's distressed outburst.

"A true magical girl shouldn't say such brutish things," was Ruby's.

"She's no longer in my sight," is the bit of bad news Archer delivers.

Rin grips the jeweled dagger in her pocket tightly. The shadows her little sister possessed were formidable, the natural enemy of spiritual entities, but that was why Rin sought out the gem sword even if it meant dealing with Ruby; something that could gather copious amounts of mana from other worlds. There aren't many problems that can't be solved with an unrelenting torrent of pure mana. It's the same logic that the Einzbern Grail ultimately boils down to albeit on a much grander scale.

Whatever Noble Phantasms that Sakura girl could leisurely throw around, I had seen first hand how the Archer Rin had luckily drawn could counter them. He was also a better cook than my maids. Despite all her grumbling, Rin has quite the luck doesn't she? Right now, Rin actually has a decent match up against her little sister. If I know that, then that Sakura girl certainly knows that, which is why she's keeping her distance especially in Rin's territory.

Still, I thought the Makiri were supposed to be known for their familiars. If she's scouting us with her own two eyes instead of her shadows, what sort of magus is that Makiri girl? The magi in this city are certainly unconventional to say the least. That explains why Rin is the Second Owner; she's the most average one of all those I have seen in this city despite being so soft hearted.

We enter the grounds of the Tohsaka manor and we go inside. On a second look, the defenses do look quite lavish which doesn't suit my image of Rin at all.

Omelette rice seems like a simple dish, but I still can't wrap my head around how he shaped the eggs even though I watched him do it. Simple things are deceptively simple. The melding of sour, sweet and salty. Despite the raging flames of the stove, nothing was burned and nothing was overcooked. Not the eggs or the dark meat of the chicken. Nothing was wet, yet nothing was dry. Even though lunch was tasty, dinner was on another level. As I look at Rin from across the table, she was probably regretting lunch right now. If Archer could cook at this level, then going out to eat was a waste. Having no need for food, but is able to cook, those are quite the attributes for a Servant. Archer's bathing in the moon right now, keeping lookout on the roof as we eat. As the last bites are taken, Rin's mood must've changed for the better.

Throughout our partnership, Rin did nothing but admonish me. If her mood is good right now, then there was a lower chance of her getting defensive if I ask her something.

"Why do you seek the Holy Grail? You're not going to wish for something like money are you?"

"I'm a Tohsaka, that's reason enough. Isn't it the same for you Einzbern?" is the response that suggested to me that she had no wish in mind. I was a bit peeved.

"I can't accept such a boring answer," I declare with my finger outstretched.

"She's being dishonest, she really is going to wish for money if she gets her hands on th.," is what Ruby chimes in before being slammed into the dining table.

"My father fought and died in the last Holy Grail War just as your father, the Magus Killer fought. In fact, there's a good chance that my father is dead because of yours," was that poison that left Tohsaka's mouth that parried my finger pointing.

Obligation to her family. To honor those that came before. Such are things that typical magi adhere to, but despite being the most conventional magus in this city, I couldn't imagine her as one those types. In my case, I never had a choice. I was made into a Lesser Grail Vessel while I was still developing in the womb. As such, my magical potential dwarfs any human, but nice things always come with a cost. Which makes my lil sis a cheater. Even when papa was still around, growing up was never an option for me. When papa was gone and when I was tuned even further; it was then that the prospect of any future at all disappeared.

I fight in the Holy Grail War because there is no where else for me to be and nowhere to return to; unlike that cry baby. That fact doesn't change even with Berserker at my side.

With or without this Holy Grail War, Rin's future is bright. With that jeweled sword that Archer recreated in her pocket, she has already benefited more from this Holy Grail War than any supposed "winner" of rituals past. Whatever she was seeking, it was obvious it wasn't worth the life of her own little sister judging from her hesitation from earlier. In many ways, Rin is the same as my lil sis. Her father chose her over that "Sakura" to succeed him. Even if I can't forgive that Makiri girl, that girl is the same as me; something tossed aside by our own fathers. Fathers like that are typical for magi, yet...

"Is your father's honor really worth spilling blood for? You're the only proper Tohsaka left aren't you?"

"Is your father's dishonor really worth spilling blood for? There's only one of you in this world," is Tohsaka's comeback.

"Only one of me in this world?" was something I desperately wished to be true. The other homunculi had always assured me that I was special and that I was the last hope of the Einzbern, yet coming here to this land, it all seems like a lie. I was the Lesser Grail Vessel, but so was that Makiri girl. Even if the Einzbern could not create another me, they could always recycle my corpse just like what that old Zolgen had done to my mother's. Magi will always find a way to accomplish their goals even if it's unsightly.

"The world is just another word for the things you value and it starts and ends with you. There must be things you alone value, otherwise you wouldn't be as outspoken as you are and I can't possibly imagine another you in this world at least," was Rin's attempt at scorning me or encouraging me?

"Is there a reason why you're being so nice to me?"

Well as nice as Rin could be. She offered me a place to stay and all I have done that is of note up to this point is harass those siblings of mine.

"I-it's not like that. I mean, having the greatest Hero of Greek mythology as an ally and not an enemy is just reassuring so putting up with you is no cost at all in the long run," is Rin's half truth.

"I'm sure my siblings or your sister would have made a more reliable ally," is the truth I couldn't help but admit at this point. Any typical magus would have sold me out already.

"You can thank Archer for that. Despite how he is, heroes are heroes. Someone who abandons women and children can't be called a hero can they?" is Rin's defense.

"So Archer was similar to my Berserker in that respect. Really now, Archer's kids must have been the luckiest kids of their era," I say as I finish up what was left on my plate. Still tasty.

I know for a fact that the children Heracles had couldn't have been called lucky. That was one of the reasons why he was so protective of me. What does Berserker see when he shields me? What does Archer see in me?

"Archer didn't have any kids," is a truth Rin hesitantly divulges.

My spoon stops. It was a truth I couldn't fathom.

"Are you serious?"

"Always saving people. Always helping people. Always fighting. No lover. No family. Despite the way he talks, I drew quite the idiot didn't I?" is Rin's self derision.

Someone like that had no one to truly mourn for him and we asked someone like that to act as lookout. Even after knowing something like that, I still couldn't pinpoint that hero's identity. This world doesn't surprise me anymore.

At the very least, I wasn't angry at myself anymore.

Chapter Text

I ran.

I ran without stopping. My heart was beating out of my chest. My legs burn, crying out for oxygen which my lungs couldn't supply quickly enough. My foot pounds the concrete and I am airborne. Scaling up walls, vaulting off roofs and sliding down rails are all actions that have become trivial to me over the years. With the sun up, I had no excuse not to be moving at the pace I was despite the occasional shout from a surprised onlooker down below. Below me is the shopping district of Miyama. I gambled on the fact that Miyu couldn't have travelled very far. Either that Illya girl called her out or Miyu figured out where she's staying….

I scan the faces down below with my reinforced eyes and take in the familiar ones. Some of Raiga's men. Some middle aged housewives out bargain hunting. There weren't many people around. Kids should be in school at this time so Miyu shouldn't be hard to miss; especially so if Saber is with her.

Half an hour had passed.

No texts or calls and she doesn't respond to any of mine. My cellphone was completely silent and completely still throughout all of this. No signs of Servant combat. Even if a tool could function, even if it was the best in its category, it was a paper weight if it wasn't used or couldn't be used. I lament at how limited in scope my mage-craft was.

As I move from building to building, I scan my surroundings and check if any familiars were watching. Whether they were cloaked with refracted light or masquerading as a mundane creature in the distance, the most troublesome were the trees that seemed to stare. I could easily break such things with my throwing swords, yet I couldn't hope to produce anything on their level. Even with reinforced eyes, with such narrow streets, I couldn't take in everything as I would have liked.

Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!

I almost botch my landing as I fumble around for my phone.

"Miyu, are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm alright….," is what she says, but that tone indicated otherwise.

I wanted to say something, but I couldn't find the words to ease her distress. She simply swallows her unease and cuts to the chase.

"Did you know….that Sakura was a Master?" is the truth she divulges.

Sakura was a Master. Sakura was a Magus. I had simply left her on that roof when I realized Miyu wasn't at school, but she got to Miyu before me.

"Gilgamesh. The King of Heroes. The strongest card without a doubt."

She was involved in the Holy Grail War from the very beginning, but I already knew that from the start even if she didn't spell it out this morning. I knew that from the start, yet.... My grip on the phone gets tighter and the outer shell seems to give. Sakura isn't an enemy….Miyu is unharmed….yet….I hear the sharp ringing of metal against metal.

"Where are you right now?" is the question I ask.

"In front of the sporting goods store," she answers with haste and my legs respond in haste.

I was scanning the wrong streets, but now that I knew where to look, it won't even take a minute, but that one minute felt like an eternity. I hear that familiar sound of singing metal and I quicken my pace. The sounds unnerve me, but silence now would unnerve me more. I hold my breath as I scale down a back alley pipe and make a beeline to the small shack hoping no one was hurt. As I track the two clashing bodies, I felt someone's gaze and make the mistake of returning it. The years of peace have made me sloppy. I was stopped in my tracks by a pair of jewels. My blood seemed to congeal and my lungs were getting stiff. Mystic eyes of petrification...My vision was fading and I would pass out soon to fall into a sleep from which I would never wake. Quite the impressive entrance I ended up making. I ended up a hostage.

"Rider, don't hurt him!" could only be Sakura's voice.

Her voice brings me back to reality and the air back into my lungs, but I was still breathless. In front of me was the back of a blue track jacket draped over a frame smaller than mine. Jutting through her ball cap was a particular strand of blonde hair that could only belong to…..

"Don't look too closely," is the warning Saber gives to me. It's not a big deal, though she was probably referring to Rider..

"Onii-chan?" is the voice that echoes from my side. I turn and look down as Amber orbs make contact with mine. I was reassured for a moment with the fact Miyu was unharmed, but that was only for a moment. Across from us was a tall masked woman who must have been the culprit behind that horrible sensation from earlier. Medusa, not Gilgamesh? Beautiful and imposing despite the horrible wounds that covered her body, but my focus is quickly stolen by the person behind her.

"Sakura…." is the name I managed to whisper to myself.

"Senpai, are you alright!?" she cried as she ran towards me.

My mind already rationalized it, but my heart wasn't ready it seemed. Did I ditch her earlier out of fear? I tried to harden my heart, but that only made it more brittle. I couldn't run from this. Yet, as stressful it was for me, Miyu must have had it worse. I had years to warn her, to tell her the truth, yet I didn't say a thing. The instant I divulge the entire truth, this dream will end like it did back then, but waking up is always an inevitability. I didn't say a thing, but wasn't that how it always was?

Nothing had changed. Nothing had changed at all. No, something did change, someone that made this situation more complicated than it had been.

"Don't move any closer!" is the command Saber shouts at Sakura before Rider rushes in between them only to be pounded into the pavement by the blunt of Saber's unseen blade. In a single breath, Rider lay on the ground and her hand had become a sword's pedestal.

The one who took me hostage became a hostage herself. The person she shielded was now facing the full brunt of Saber's judging eyes, while Saber was under mine. I ready my favored swords in the forefront of my mind.

"It's regrettable. If you came clean from the beginning, we could have been allies, but as of now, I can't in good faith trust you around my Master," were the words Saber brandishes against the meek Sakura and Sakura goes pale in a literal sense. For a moment, I could have sworn that her hair was an off white. Trick of the light? She meets Saber's gaze with ruby red eyes. Sakura was always kind to people, but beneath those eyes, Saber was no person.

"You came into our lives just a few days ago, yet you speak as if you know everything about us," were the words I couldn't have imagined coming from Sakura's mouth, but I agreed with them.

"You've known my Master for years, but I'm sure this is the first time she has seen you for what you truly are," was the knight's rebuttal, but it doesn't phase Sakura at all. It doesn't phase me either, because at the back of my mind….

"What I truly am? What does that matter? Everyone has things they don't want to show others, everyone has things they want to hide, especially to those they care about. Especially for girls. It was the same for you in life wasn't it, Miss Knight?"

Saber doesn't say anything for a moment, but seeing Saber's unease, I attempt to diffuse the situation.

"Even though Miyu doesn't know it, I knew Sakura was involved in the Holy Grail War from the very beginning," was the simple truth that doesn't sit well with either Miyu or Saber. I should have prepared for this better. Saber begins to speak,

"You knew...you knew,.. yet you let her in your house, you gave her a house key, you..," yet Saber couldn't find the right words as Miyu grips her branded hand as I grip non-existent handles.

"I..I..," was all Miyu could utter. There was something she wanted to say, but nothing could have prepared her for this moment.

Saber doesn't turn her head.

"Shirou, I may be a stranger to you, but your sister deserves an explanation and that isn't something I should be repeating," the knight lectures me once again without ever taking her eyes away from Sakura and Rider.

"I'm sorry, but know that Sakura isn't an enemy," was my gut response that only frustrates Saber further, but wasn't that sentiment that allowed Rider to catch me in the first place? I was certain such complicated situations weren't new for her with the ease in which she says the next words as she retracts her blade from Rider's hand.

"My Master considers you a friend and I'm sure her brother thinks of you as something more, so on this day I'm letting your Servant go free. Whether you have any ill will, whether you are being forced into this situation by someone else will not change what I will have to do if you turn out to be a threat..," is Saber's compromise as her unseen blade is sheathed. As cold as those words were, Saber was kinder than me. Rider hesitantly trusts those words as Sakura makes a gesture. She slowly retreats into the ether behind the Master she was so desperately defending, but that didn't mean she stopped watching us.

Despite those cold words, Sakura did not lose her upbeat energy as turns her face towards me.

"You know, I'm only here because you ran off to find Miyu and I simply ended up finding Miyu first with Rider's help," were words that ended with a slight melancholy. Sakura turns her head away from mine and I see that familiar back….

"I love you, so I'll protect you," were words I couldn't ever forget.

As I reminisce on memories unforgotten, I realized I had already wrapped my arms around her. Her lavender hair brushes against my lips.

"Sorry…I," was my uncertain apology. I didn't want to let go. I didn't care how unsightly I looked. This could very well be my first and final chance to embrace her like this.

"No. No. There's nothing for you to apologize for…..I was just surprised is all ...but that doesn't mean I'm unhappy about this," as her hands feel for mine. She doesn't reject them, but pulls them closer to her ample chest. I could feel the beating of her heart as it beat faster and faster in tandem with mine.

For all my thoughts of wanting to trust others, to trust Miyu, to trust Saber and especially Sakura, in the end, they were just passing thoughts. I never acted on them, but now it was rushing all out. I was supposed to be an older brother and an upperclassman. A role model. I used to lecture Miyu on how to talk to people….

"If I was simply upfront about everything ...none of this would have….."

"As I said, everyone has things they want to hide and I had hid more things than you. Despite what lies we comfort each other with, the truth is that the world is cruel. Truths are cruel, but that's why lies are kind, so don't apologize for being kind," was Sakura's paradoxical statement, but her words did ease my heart a bit.

"So you don't mind liars?"

"It's mean to tease a girl's taste in men you know?" she says as she escapes from my arms to face me face to face. Her hands were still in mine. She was smiling, but I couldn't tell if it was faked.

"I'm your upperclassman. It's my duty to look out for any mistakes you might make," is the advice I give her.

"What's wrong with mistakes? This world we live in is the product of many happy mistakes. You, me, Miyu, we wouldn't have met without them," is the thing Sakura declares and it isn't something I could deny. The family I had now came to exist because other families had broken apart. If my parents were alive, if Miyu's parents were alive, if I had never met Kiritsugu…..no there must have been more to it than that. The reason why Kiritsugu adopted us…..

"So you really think kindness is a lie?"

"Just like justice and equality. Senpai, if you ground this Earth down to dust, you wouldn't be able to find a single grain of such things," were the cold things she utters with such warmth.

"Is that how you really see the world?…," I begin to say, but Sakura starts piling on things that weren't quite compliments.

"But that's exactly why humans are so amazing. They see this world and insist that there exists some ideal order within it, beyond what's immediately apparent. That there exists some universal justice by which the world can be judged. Why shouldn't it? The world takes place inside their head after all. To be able to weave lies more potent than truths...that's some admirable stupidity don't you agree?"

There exist feelings that can surpass the world. I cannot deny that, but there is something else that I can't deny either.

"Are you saying I'm an idiot?"

"Yes, you are, but even so or precisely because of that….," Sakura declares as she pulls me closer.

She hugs me tighter and she makes a confession.

"I love you," is what she whispers into my ear. It was an obvious thing.

"I know," I admit with a wry smile, "but I'm sure you will meet someone better than me. That's why you should forget about the Holy Grail War, this town and find….."

She sighs and pushes me away with a smile.

"Happiness? Senpai, I already found it years ago. The fact you never left this town while knowing what was to come….it was the same for you wasn't it?" is another thing I couldn't deny.

"...If I'm so easy to read, then wouldn't that make me a bad liar?"

Truthfully, I contemplated taking Miyu away from this town. Away from what was to come and I wanted Sakura to run away with us, but that would have required telling Sakura the truth back then. It's too late now. Saber was behind me, observing our exchange and she would have my head if I admitted such a thing. Illya won't give up on Miyu and Miyu won't give up on Illya. If Sakura was being truthful this morning, then Illya has a grudge against her too. All magi have their trump cards, Sakura is no exception. Running is not an option.

"Yes, you are a bad liar. Which means truthfully, you're quite mean, but that's alright. As horrible as you are at lying, as mean as you can be to me at times and as greedy as you are, I promise you I'll protect the place where we belong, so stay home with your sister and wait for me," is what Sakura tells me before running away with a handwave.

I don't want her to go, even though I was the one who ditched her today….

I wanted to trust Sakura, but I failed to realize she may not completely trust me. She still had her secrets. If her Servant wasn't Gilgamesh, then how was she able to fight off Illya? Did I make a mistake again? My legs told me I was, but a strong grip tugs at my hand preventing me from chasing Sakura's back. I trudge forward, but the grip only gets tighter.

I look behind me and meet Saber's gaze and she wasn't happy.

I didn't have the same resistance to Rider's eyes like Saber did and now I'm wondering if Saber's eyes had special properties of their own. The years of peace didn't do my intuition any favors. Just as I kept secrets from Sakura, Sakura kept secrets from me and I kept secrets from Saber. To maintain that transient peace, I did nothing and now it was dissolving.

In front of all those smiling faces in front of the dinner table, what could I do? Sakura was happy, Miyu was happy and Fuji-nee was happy too.

That peace which everyone longs for was something in front of me for years now. Even if I could never truly enjoy it myself, it wasn't something I could carelessly upset, yet without my input, it was being upset. It was what Kiritsugu had sought, but never found...no that isn't true. Unlike me, he rejected that peace and spent the last years of his life hopelessly trying to reclaim it. That's why Illya can't forgive him and that's why she won't let us off. A peace like that couldn't have been anything but temporary, but that's why I couldn't simply stand around.

"Saber, let my brother go. I don't want to use a command spell on a friend."

I couldn't help but turn to the source of that voice and neither could Saber. I always wished for Miyu to find friends, yet the biggest obstacle for such a wish was always me and now I was straining the relationship she had with Saber. Always wanting things both ways.

"Miyu?"

"Sakura is ...family too so you have to bring her back home when this is all over!" is what my sister tells me.

It was then I realized that Saber was no longer gripping me.

"I know how it feels to have too many things to protect, but that's all the more reason you should keep a clear head, but rest assured I'll keep you sister safe," were Saber's words that took a second to process.

Too many things to protect? That's putting it nicely. Aimlessly running around without a clue like a headless chicken. I was angry at Miyu for doing illogical things, but I was the more illogical one.

"Thank you," are the words I leave them with. I'm no match for Saber when it comes down to fighting.

My feet hit the pavement once more. Sakura was able to reach Miyu before I did, so chasing her on foot would be foolish, but I knew where Sakura lived. If I wait for her there, she'll hopefully show up.

Sakura's situation isn't something I can ignore any longer going forward.

The Matou Household is in front of me and I realized that I have never once stepped inside. The unkempt shrubbery that clung to the walls was the least ominous aspect about it. I never asked about Sakura's home life. All I knew was that Shinji was her older brother and she had a grandfather.

I was watching the house for an hour and it was then "someone" came out. Strange sounds. The old man with a cane in hand approaches the bush I was hiding behind.

"My king, it's not….wait…..Oh! You must be...my grandson in law? I apologize, I mistook you for someone else," were the words of the old man that wasn't quite rambling.

"You don't want to talk? You came all this way, or have customs changed over the years?" was more idle talk from the seemingly senile old man, but I knew it was just an act.

The reason why I and Sakura met was probably orchestrated by someone and it was a good chance it was this person in front of me. Shinji is an ordinary human, but….

"Don't be a stranger. I'm sure my granddaughter will be delighted once she gets back," were the words that escape that did not originate from his throat. I analyze the old man in front of me and can't help but notice how he wasn't exactly a single piece under his robes. Sakura isn't back yet. He gestures for me to come inside. We make it to the door.

Still, I had to play nice. I didn't quite know the relationship Sakura had with her grandfather.

"Sorry for the intrusion, but I'll be in your care...grandfather," I say as I play along.

I prepare an image in my head just in case.

"There's no need for violence here, but what else could be expected from the heir of Emiya?"

Chapter Text

Emiya's heir is standing behind me in the flesh. How time flies. It was only a little while ago since I ordered Sakura to watch over him, but I must admit my perception of time is skewed. How old was this child supposed to be? He's supposed to be Shinji's age, but how stark the difference is. Based on the look of his eyes alone, I might have mistaken him for the Magus Killer himself, but then again, I'm senile. I have been for centuries. I gesture for him to come inside.

"Sorry for the intrusion, but I'll be in your care...grandfather," is what the boy says. At the very least, he has some manners. That's more that can be said about his predecessor or my grandson. The air behind me heats and the stench of flaring circuits was impossible to miss.

"There's no need for violence here, but what else could be expected from the heir of Emiya?"

Was he threatening me or did the Magus Killer raise a dullard? Well, that's how children are. They'll always turn out to be disappointments. They'll have their own petty dreams that they'll never accomplish anyways because they lacked the resolve. If Kariya really wanted to marry that Aoi girl, he should have regardless of what he needed to do. Children of mine if I could call them that would reject my ambitions, yet won't even fulfill their own. The children of today lack conviction. They had that youth by their side, youth I did not have, yet they simply squandered it along with their lives, but it's only natural for the old to hold contempt for the young.

"Do you have something against my father?" is what that boy says to me.

"Wasn't the result of the last Holy Grail War seared into your flesh? A failure so close to completion despite all the preparation and human resources spent. A shattered Holy Grail at the end. Such a thing would rile anyone up if they had any sense, but I must admit, I do owe your father. It wasn't a total loss for me."

"Human resources….shattered Holy Grail…...speaking of the dead like that...," was the nonsense he mumbled to himself.

"It was the Magus Killer who shot his own wife. What are you trying to lecture me about boy? You Emiya's have no moral high ground over me."

The boy tenses when I reveal that little tidbit. How foolish the Magus Killer was. If you expected someone to inherit your work, you should have told him everything, but I can't say I'm any different. We make it to the living room and at the dining table, there was nothing prepared.

"If I was younger, I would be preparing some tea, but alas, I'm just an old man, but you didn't come here to sit down with me. Though, what exactly do you want to discuss with my granddaughter anyways? Just so you know, elopement is off the table as long as I'm around."

The boy takes a seat in another mage's territory as if this place was his own house. Didn't the Magus Killer teach him caution or did our family's reputation plummet even further? Arrogant brat.

"Sakura never talked about herself much, but I always had my suspicions. That's why I admit, I owe you. I'm grateful for having met Sakura," were his laughable words. Well, it was an obvious fact that I had her watch him, so the boy in front of me wasn't a complete dullard.

"No, I should be thanking you. If you were your father at his prime, my granddaughter would be dead, but by no means am I speaking ill of him."

Eliminate all unnecessary factors. If one life threatens two or more, the Magus Killer would end that one life himself, which was why I didn't send Sakura until he had died. People unfortunately change with the passage of time. The Magus Killer in his final years must have gone mad. It was unavoidable and something I wanted to prevent for myself at any cost. Doused in that mud, covered in those curses, it would be strange for him not to have gone mad. From personal experience, genius and insanity are simply two sides of the same coin.

"They called him a heretic in life, yet he was truer to his ambitions than those who pride themselves as proper magi."

Young upstarts that flaunted the accomplishment of their dead ancestors are repugnant, but that just meant those who have died had less sense than me. Still the dead are dead….

Magi safely guard their secrets, so what magi knew of the craft of other magi was only surface deep and to pry was an act of aggression, but I was certain the Emiya family originally studied some form of time manipulation. Something that sounded preposterous as he passed on so early. The Magus Killer was never much of a magus, though better than Kariya who turned his back completely to the craft, but the existence of those "cards" did pique my interest.

"Is your sister in good health?" was simply an innocent question, yet he glares at me.

The blackened Servants which I had dismissed as the lingering embers of the shattered Grail were anything but. Save for Saber, each of those blackened Servants were different from the ones that had perished in the Holy Grail War, which meant they came from a different source. It was only a small curiosity. I had my worms watching them and played a hand in veiling their existence from the greater world. I was fortunate that the interim Second Owner was as broken as me. The mess, as entertaining as it was needed to be cleaned up eventually and it was then that I first bore witness to the red headed boy in front of me. The Fake Janitor the kids call him?

"If you have to ask that, I get the feeling you aren't very liked by your granddaughter," is the perfectly sound observation the Emiya boy makes.

Even though he was being civil, I knew how dangerous he was. With an armory of Noble Phantasms at his beck and call, a child had hunted the shadows that lurked within the city. Even if they were mere shadows compared to the Servants of a proper Holy Grail War, they were still Heroic Spirits. With mechanical efficiency, the boy ended each myth one by one without fail and without a trace. They weren't battles, for there was no pride, no honor or even contempt for his enemies even as his body was wounded; only the certainty of his victory. Wrath without anger. Swords without pride. Not a warrior, but a hunter. Not a person, but a machine. Too young to be an enforcer, yet could put many of them to shame and right now he was glaring at me.

"I get the feeling you don't like me very much and that's why you're lucky I am a gracious host."

"If you're this lively, you could have prepared some tea or had a familiar do it," were the boy's cutting words. It seems it's time for us to stop with the pleasantries.

"From my granddaughter, I believed you to be a gentle person or does my granddaughter simply have rotten eyes?"

"The fact she's so happy with me says a lot about her life here," was the Emiya boy being smart with me. To the uninitiated, the Emiya boy was simply the Fake Janitor. Good hearted if a bit slow, but from the look of his eyes, it was clear he was always watchful. Always vigilant, especially in regards to his family. To anyone who was even a bit perceptive, there was a deep seated wrongness to the boy even by the standards of magi.

"I'm honestly wondering what your little sister thinks of you, Emiya," were the words of mine that finally struck a nerve.

He doesn't speak. Even something like him had a heart. A brittle one at that.

"My family has had a long relationship with the Einzbern family, so there isn't much I don't know of the white haired one, but the black haired one, my granddaughter doesn't tell me much."

"So what can you tell me about Illya?" the boy asks without hesitation. He did not know?

"Well then, what can you tell me about Miyu, was it? This old man's memory isn't what it used to be."

There is only silence as he meets my eyes with his glare. How cute.

"The Magus Killer never taught you how to reciprocate did he? Though, he himself wasn't much of a people person either. If I am to tell you anything, it only makes sense for you to tell me something. That's how it works for everybody, magi or not."

"You seem to know a lot about my old man, even his nickname, while I don't even know yours," is the boy continuing to be difficult.

"I'm just a shriveled up old man that everyone forgot, but my name is Zolgen, or Zouken if that's easier to pronounce for you."

"Living for as long as you have must have required consecrated effort," the boy remarks while never breaking his gaze as my body continues to rot.

"Thank you. Normally, people insult me for my efforts, but I simply outlived them," I admit with a grin as I say my next words, "Your sister is studying to be a doctor correct? I could divulge a few things about my longevity to her if….,." but he doesn't give me a chance to finish as I "smell" the heating of circuits. Was he as simple as my own blood?

"I'm thankful for having met Sakura. I really am, but I know she isn't your only pair of eyes," are Emiya's words that come off as a threat.

"She's the only pair you haven't thrown a sword at yet," is my little remark.

I tried to keep tabs on the Emiya family, but that boy was ever watchful. He did not overlook any of my familiars. He probably wasn't too happy when I desecrated his father's grave. For that reason, I only had a few bits and pieces, but mostly conjecture.

The 8th card that I had Sakura retrieve those years ago housed a copy of that "King of Heroes", the same one that was left over from the last Holy Grail War who loiters around that poor excuse of a Church. That alone confirmed my suspicions of what these "Class Cards" were. A mock Holy Grail War. That's why I wasn't surprised that the set of Servants summoned these past few days for the 5th Holy Grail War corresponded to the set of cards the Emiya boy had fought all those years ago hero by hero. Though the Assassin summoned by Caster is an exception. Either the Magus Killer stacked the deck for the 5th Holy Grail war in advance somehow or the grail mud awakened him to some form of clairvoyance buried deep within the Emiya crest. Did the Grail aid him somehow? Still, the "how" wasn't important. I've really gone senile.

What was of note was the fact that the shadows that spawned from those cards did not originate from the Greater Grail that slept under this city. It was quite a mystery until I set my sights on the Emiya girl. I kept losing familiars whenever I tried watching the Emiya boy so I turned my attention to the younger sibling he always walked home from school with.

From the eyes of the elementary classroom rabbit, it was clear the small girl was peculiar by the standards of humans. Taking everything seriously, soaking in every piece of information that was in front of her. More innocent than a human child should be, yet more knowledgeable than most adults. She confounded her teachers with knowledge well beyond her years while being genuinely confounded by their reactions. Unnaturally healthy, she never got sick and ran circles around her classmates without tiring. It was then on a certain day with a biology textbook at her desk during self-study that she approached the classroom rabbit without any reservations and placed her palm upon it. "Trace On" she had uttered beneath her breath and had discovered my hiding place, but in that instant, just as she was analyzing me, I had analyzed her. For all that she was, she was not a magus, but a cluster of magic circuits in such quantity and quality that it would be difficult to think of her as a natural product. A designer baby incorporated with Einzbern secrets perhaps? A spare Holy Grail Vessel? The core of that little Class Card system? In that instant before I could make out any specifics, she closed off her circuits from me and performed a hasty surgery to remove the worm I had planted in the class pet to the horror of everyone around her. Maybe it was partially my fault she had trouble finding friends her own age. The Emiya boy didn't react well to that little incident either and in the end the girl decided to skip a few grades. How many winters was that ago?

"Still, at least you have the sense to dispose of my familiars outside the view of normal people."

"So, for what reason have you been watching us all these years?" is the question with an obvious answer.

"It's the responsibility of all magi to conceal the existence of the mystics from common folk and it seemed like your family needed help in that regard. You kids should know not to cause problems for your elders, but that can't be helped considering the untimely death of your father. Besides, am I really more untrustworthy than that priest?"

"You're part of the 3 families that started this Holy Grail War in the first place, so I assume you're after the Holy Grail and that's enough not to trust you," is the obvious the boy states that needed correction.

"Just so you know, I'm not interested in Holy Grails specifically, but rather what they can grant me. It's just a small wish, so small I don't think a Grail is even needed, so we don't have to be hostile with each other. In fact, my granddaughter is in possession of the very thing I seek among other treasures, so I was hoping you could negotiate with her once she gets back. It's unfortunate I wasn't able to raise that girl correctly," were words from the bottom of my heart.

Really now, I have given that granddaughter of mine too many things. She was supposed to be an empty puppet, but I should have been wary of the things I stuffed her with. The 8th card proved useful in order to test her capabilities as a Holy Grail, but I had miscalculated and the household hierarchy had become rather unstable. Sometimes she would be meek and obedient, other times she would…..but ever since the Holy Grail War started, she has been mostly terrifying.

"What is it that you want?" is the question he finally asks.

"What every living being wants. To live forever," was the obvious truth, but it somehow perplexes the boy.

"Thats..," is all the brute could utter.

"To that end, the Potion of Youth may prove useful to me, but I don't have my hopes up."

The Potion of Youth that the "King of Heroes" had in his treasury, but would never share with me. He'd kill me if I stood before him. For Sakura to be able to manifest his treasury, I had been somewhat elated, but every time she does, she's no different from that king.

"Aren't you the head of the household? Why would Sakura be in possession of something like that?" is the question I wonder myself.

"I have given that girl many things and the Potion of Youth was just part of what I had bequeathed to her by accident," which wasn't a lie. I simply lacked the capability to house a heroic spirit within myself. My rotting body isn't even my own in the first place. I may need a new body soon. The stronger existence simply overtakes the weaker one, that's the general rule. That's why I was curious about how the boy in front of me stayed mostly himself after all these years. A weak blood connection with a Holy Grail perhaps?

"There's more to being a guardian than simply giving. It says a lot about your character if a kind girl like Sakura dislikes you," is the point the arrogant outsider makes.

"My grandson likes to say that nice girls are a lie. Every girl he had been with was only after our money, so he isn't very good with them. He wasn't born with magic circuits, so despite being the oldest son, he's not our successor. Being born into a magus family, but not being a magus, he's someone who doesn't belong anywhere. With what he knows he can't have normal friends, yet he can't befriend magi for what he lacks. Complaining constantly about how everything that was his was taken from him. As you can imagine, he and Sakura don't get along. When the parents die too soon, household dynamics get complicated, or is your household life as ideal as my granddaughter makes it out to be?"

"Our household isn't exactly normal, but for an older brother to hurt his younger sister, what kind of grandfather are you to let that stand?" is the hypocrisy that escapes his mouth. It hurts.

"Sakura is a strong girl. The strong endure. She like me understands the best way to handle Shinji is to ignore him as if he doesn't exist, then get the jump when he's whimpering. He's a weakling that doesn't have the guts to do anything too heinous, but you've known for a long time, so why are you bringing it up now with this poor old man? Suffering is a natural part of human life," I say, though what constitutes as "heinous" depends on the person. Sakura values many things, but none of those things are her own body, so she did indeed learn something from me. The body is just another tool and the body I myself had was just a collection of rotting worms in constant pain. It's natural for humans to suffer, that's why I need….. to go beyond the limits of the body to reach the infinity of the soul.

"Because it's natural, you'll just let it happen in front of you?" was a question of his that made me writhe. It must have been something I forgot.

"What? You 're no better than me. I'm tired of talking with you. Go wait upstairs. She'll be back any minute. I'm not allowed into her room, but you'll find that girl isn't gentle at all."

That boy is simply insufferable, but suffering is that natural state of humans. That's why I don't need to do anything. He'll have to face Sakura alone ...better him than me. I lead him out. He ascends the stairs and opens that door I was forbidden to open. Now, what will you do?

Chapter Text

I watch that old familiar house on top of the hill through my old telescope as the sun sets. The house where Tohsaka lived. The roof tiles of the Matou Manor were worn and there was always a chance of slipping off, but this place was once my haven of retreat, yet it wasn't home. I stare at the house on top of the hill that wasn't my home. Grocery bags were at my side and I wonder why I bothered buying anything. One mistake after the other, but they were happy mistakes. There was once upon a time where I believed I had absolutely nothing and had lost everything.

Even so, after losing everything…..

I squeeze my silver key tightly. A silver key that once belonged to a Hero of Justice, but what value does it have now? Home.. I continue to stare at the Tohsaka manor that looked nothing like the Emiya home. As nice of a house it was, it was rumored to be haunted; a haven for the occult. Even the most erroneous rumors had some truth. The place where it started for me….

Water can be cooled to negative forty degrees Celsius without freezing if there are no impurities within it. A lattice of lies formed from a grain of truth. The truth behind that household, I knew, but whose occupant did not know about mine. Someone who didn't even bother. Someone older than me, smarter than me, stronger than me and pure too. Someone I used to look up to…...someone I hoped to…..

Tohsaka Rin….

It wasn't long until I see her, black hair tied up in twin tails, but behind her, ascending the hill was that white haired girl instead of me. Tohsaka Rin, she was someone I knew my entire life, someone I admired, someone I once followed and somewhere down the line as the years passed by I believed in some sort of unspoken agreement between us, but it was just a lie I told myself.

That there was nothing between us and we won't get in each other's way.

In truth, she'll do whatever she needs to do without any regard for me. It was arrogant of me to think I was anything at all to Tohsaka. Saying hello in the halls and picking up the papers I would drop because of it. She's a good girl. She can be kind to me, but that simply means she's kind to everyone.

I could feel someone's rigid gaze. It must have been Tohsaka's Archer. Cloaked in red just like she was. The feeling wasn't too unpleasant. Even somewhat familiar. At the very least, he wasn't that other Archer. That other Archer...that other Archer...

"You're still alive? How unsightly, I'll give you this girl; I was expecting a cheaply made counterfeit, but alas even a counterfeit of me is a treasure in this era. To be ended by the king's hand is too good an end for you, but what does that say of all the weeds that cover this world? Indeed, I should anoint you my gardener...," was that voice in that unsavory memory hovering over me that I wanted to forget. That memory where I was sprawled on the ground with my ears ringing. On a single day those years ago, when I was finally able to grasp "strength" with both hands and gallivanted around the world above the clouds, yet I quickly learned of my limits as I was penetrated all over. The punishment for flying with borrowed wings.

I turn my eyes away from that house.

Scarcity was the best policy. I learned to never cross the Fuyuki Bridge without wearing something like Hade's Cap. I even wore it when I visited Ryuudou Temple... In my pocket was the card inscribed with the word "Archer". Someone like me couldn't win anything without a literal "trump card". Even with that king's power, Assassin was the only "hero" I managed to capture and he wasn't even a proper heroic spirit. Bound to the land, he couldn't even run away.

Talking about being strong when I was so weak and with power that wasn't even my own. A worthless taker. A worthless talker. To have said those things to my enemies…..my cheeks can't help but flush red when I think back on it. Strength makes all the difference, but I had no strength of my own. It was then I could feel something being "cut". I make myself scarce, making my way to the window and slip into my room if I could call it that to make out the source. I don't take a step on the floor.

A completely ordinary room. A bed and desk. Unused books simply collecting dust on the bookshelf, along with the two babysitters of that Einzbern girl restrained with my little shadows as I had left them. The small ugly cute things, torn apart?

"Senpai?"

Amber eyes bear into me. He wasn't supposed to be here. If I could create a prison in imaginary space, this could have been avoided, but I was only a novice, living things never lived long within them. He couldn't possibly be here, yet it wasn't a dream. He would sometimes walk me home, but he would never come inside and I took that fact for granted. He was tending to the unconscious hostages gasping for magical energy with a jagged dagger in hand before he turns his gaze back to me without saying a thing. I didn't know what to think of the situation, but neither did he. My school uniform was adorned with leaves and my hair was not any better.

"You know, it's not nice to barge into a girl's room without notice. A girl needs time to prepare, even grandfather was able to learn that. Of course, the reverse is different," I end with a sweet smile, a sweet lie.

"Does that rule apply to family?" are those bittersweet words that escape his lips without ever breaking his gaze from mine. I couldn't face that gaze. My eyes were drawn to that dagger. Family?

"Saying those words to a girl that confessed to you earlier….."

The recent events should have shaken him, yet his voice remains certain. A part of him expected this outcome and a part of him could not ignore it even if he wanted to. Was he here to...

He tries to smile in front of me. He really is a kind boy. I knew that from the start. If he's nice to me, then he's nice to everyone. If I'm family, then so is everyone else. I stare at the hostages. White hair with finely sculpted faces just like the little girl they took care of. He got so defensive when I mentioned "her" this morning. The reason why he was here must have been for them…

"You've only known that girl a few days at most, yet to you, she's family already? The same as me?"

"She isn't, but that girl has no other family but us and Miyu would never forgive me if I did nothing for her," is what the boy I love confesses.

"No other family?" is the question I utter beneath my breath. Even if that brat was conniving and had absolutely no manners whatsoever in her conduct with Miyu, she showed up before me, risking her own life to save her babysitters. They won't speak to me. They're barely hanging onto life from all the magical energy I drained from them. It was clear they valued that girl and that girl valued them. I already knew what they were because I was….

"Aren't they her family?" is the question I ask him.

"I..," was all he had for a rebuttal, so I continue to speak.

"You know, lies are kind, but obvious lies are no different than truths…..…."

He stares at me with an expression I couldn't read. A gaze I couldn't meet. I felt ashamed. The truths I wanted to overlook. The truths about the Emiya family…...if only...

In my pocket was that very "card" inscribed with the word "Archer", the very Archer that hurt me. Just like one of the 7 classes in which a Heroic Spirit for the Fuyuki Holy Grail War is summoned into, for a Heroic Spirit is too great of an entity to be summoned in its entirety. Miyu carried with her cards just like it. Our Servants and these cards were based upon the same principles. Too coincidental to be a mere correlation. The evidence was always there, yet he denies it all the same.

"Truthfully, I don't know a thing about that girl, but…," is all he could manage to say to me?

The strongest person I knew in this whole world looked like he was about to break as he continues to keep his secrets. I didn't like it, but a part of me did..

He stands up without averting his gaze. The jagged dagger in his hands was an illusion like smoke. His hands held nothing as he takes a step forward.

"I don't know much more about you, that's why I can't forgive myself for letting things as they were for years, that's why...that's why," he confesses as if in front of a priest. Was I crying right now or was I smiling?

"You're really an idiot, aren't you senpai?"

"Love makes people stupid I've heard," was all he needed to say with that smile of his to cause my heart to stop.

"Love?" escaped my lips. It was the thing I desired yet couldn't believe in. It was both the word I wanted him to say more than anything in the world and the very word I never wanted to hear. It had to be an illusion. My breath became erratic along with my thoughts. Was that word for me?

"I won't beat around the bush anymore. Going to school, attending club activities, walking home together, cooking together, eating together…..I promise we'll return to those days, so please stand down and release these two because I..," is what he confesses that made me a bit angry. Angry enough to cut him off.

"Promise? Stand down?" were the words that I repeat under my breath. I promised him earlier today that I would be the one protecting the place where we belonged and that he should have stayed home, yet he didn't heed my words at all. I couldn't keep my promise. As much as I loved him, he was always distant. Secrets he kept from me, secrets he was still keeping from me. Promises people made to me and promises I made to others, was there any value to them at all if they were never kept? There was once a girl who could believe in them, yet I was no longer that little girl. Every promise made to me turned out to be a lie. The older girl I admired. The uncle that….

Worthless memories.

Truth and lies. The promise I tried to make fell on deaf ears. Despite all his words, the boy I loved didn't trust me at all, but I already knew that from the start. There was no reason for him to do so. Afterall, he must've known that I was a spy from the start.

The Fuyuki Holy Grail War involving 7 Heroic Spirits summoned into 7 classes was devised by the three families, Einzbern, Tohsaka and Matou. Mage families closely guarded their secrets, but the existence of the cards Miyu always carried with her meant that the Emiya family must have had some connection. Grandfather would never have ordered me to watch them if that wasn't the case. It was specifically because the Emiya family were strangers to the Matou that grandfather ordered me to watch them. The reason he watches me. There was only one living Tohsaka left and the kind boy in front of me was simply a stranger to her. That left the Einzbern family. The family responsible for preparing the Holy Grail Vessel. A vessel to hold Heroic Spirits….that was what grandfather wanted me to become and what the card I held was meant to test…..as well as what that white doll and Miyu were ...if grandfather's words could be trusted..

Holy Grails.

Even as I dreamed each and every day, the Holy Grail War was ever present. The Holy Grail War dictated everything that I was…..friends, family, enemies…...the reason why I lost my home…...the reason why I had one in the first place… how I was able to obtain one once again only to lose it...

The origin of my suffering. The origin of my happiness. If I stand down right now, would we be able to truly return to those days? If I relinquish my bargaining chips….no I can't believe in that delusion. The cruel truths have already laid bare.

The reason why I suffered was because I knew of happiness. I was suffering right now because I was on the verge of losing it once again. I knew I would lose it from the start. I knew from the start of things I didn't deserve, things that should be out of reach, yet I reached out for them anyway. Hope was such an ugly thing..

"Sakura?" he says my name. Soothing yet irritating all at once. Was my expression scaring him?

"Do you love me, senpai?" was the question that took all of my resolve to ask. I had confessed to him, but...

"Yes," is his answer without hesitation.

Even so, the answer never mattered to me. A truth or a lie? From the very beginning, the answer to that question was meaningless. Relationships built on lies, but lies were kind and that's why love was the greatest lie. The greatest lies were the most fragile things, but that was why they were so precious. They could be lost carelessly and never be re-obtained….

For that reason, I won't stand down, I won't let it go. I won't let our precious days end. That was the only truth.

I know what it's like to lose. To lose and lose and lose. Promises, family, love could be destroyed by truths in an instant. Precious things, people I loved and people who supposedly loved me, things that I thought were mine slipped from my fingers the first time around when I was small because I simply stood down and did what I was told. Children take things for granted, but I'm not a child. That's why I won't lose, ever again. I can't go through that again….

"Install," was the word I carelessly invoke.

I wanted to disappear, but the reality before me did not change. Dreams are only that; lies. The temporal illusion I believed in was only that. I couldn't bear his gaze. I was never someone that could face reality so I became someone who could. I was weak. Hope is for the weak and everything is yours as long as you are strong. The strong need simply to reach out and take what they want. So I simply needed to become strong. It's that simple. I let the aura of a Babylonaian King pour into me and it was only then I could meet his amber eyes head on. This outcome couldn't be helped.

"Trace on," was the aria he answers with.

Two swords. King seeking blades. One black and the other white are in front of me. Red honeycombs and vanilla swirls. I stare at his face. His eyes were wide and unwavering, it was clear his actions surprised even himself, but he doesn't allow himself to tremble. He grips those swords tightly and assumes his stance.

"I promised you earlier that I'll be the one protecting the place we belonged, yet you came here today, forcing me to break it. All for the sake of that rude little mannequin?"

He doesn't move. He doesn't move an inch. He sees through my haughty facade. He doesn't tremble even as I draw terrible treasures out from behind me. He simply stares with that calm rigid expression of his. That same expression when he draws his bow. The stillness is nothing more than the prelude to a cruel explosive force. A cruel truth.

"I'm sorry, but there is another promise I want to keep," is his reasoning I couldn't comprehend.

Swirling chains. Shimmering gold. Treasures of treasures, yet worthless to me compared to those precious days. Something was itching within me.

"A promise with who?"

"Our old man, Kiritsugu, for all of his kids to grow up strong and healthy and that isn't a lie. Miyu wants to get along with her and I can't say that desire is misplaced, that's why..," are the words he lays down as he gathers his resolve as stands between me and those two unconscious maids, but I cut him off once again.

My flying spear fails to pierce that white scalp as a white sword had gotten in the way. The boy who deflected my attack meant for one of those dolls doesn't change his expression, simply waiting for an explanation.

"I'm sorry, but I can't release these two. That little rich girl wasn't right in the head from even before I took her two babysitters away. Truthfully, she isn't someone that can be reasoned with," is the fact I lay bare. I knew because deep down, I was the same.

As I was focused on the eyes of the boy I didn't want to lose, I had failed to realize that my hostages had woken up as a slender hand reaches for my windpipe with fingers scratching at my neck. That's right, senpai dispelled my shadows with that dagger earlier. That slender hand was inhumanly quick, but the treasures behind me were just a tad quicker.

The offending appendage is sliced off with a trail of blood following close behind. That is the punishment for touching me.

"Leysritt!" was the first time I've ever heard one of them say anything, yet the mongrel who lost her arm was still staring vacantly at me. One hostage was good enough, wasn't it? I raise my arm and deliver justice, yet none of the deliveries made their mark as metal meets metal in a symphony of sparks.

In the center of those sparks was the boy I loved, the boy who admitted to love me. His drawn weapons, his illusions fade away in the face of the truth called "power", but illusions were never in limited supply. A hooked sword in one hand rests on the nape of the disarmed maid and a jagged dagger is pointed at me. A dagger that severs contracts.

In the confines of this room, I knew I was at a disadvantage. Those fingers almost reached my neck. For that reason, I call upon the wraith of that samurai I had kept in imaginary space. Even though the boy I loved was the strongest person I knew, he was still only a person, a mere man.

My shabby pawn with hair longer than mine rises with his long curved blade drawn. A laundry pole he insisted on using.

"I would lecture you for drawing your blade in front of unarmed women, but it seems we both are quite unfortunate," are the words that samurai directs to one of my most precious treasures. He should have felt my glare, but unlike grandfather, he continues to run his mouth like that in front of me.

"I'm sorry, but I didn't come here for a duel," is the lie the kind boy makes.

"Barging into a maiden's room uninvited, but I can't say I'm in the position to judge right now," is the quip the wraith makes.

Senpai rescinds his hooked blade from that pale neck and puts all his focus onto the obstacle in front of him. The boy scans the sword he has to overcome. In this enclosed space, he can't use his most reliable tactics. The two babysitters try to flee down the stairs amidst the chaos, but Rider apprehends them with chain. She was following me around all this time even though I told her not to…..but right now, I was thankful.

He won't slip from my grasp. The kind boy returns his gaze on me.

"If you dare to use anything but the flat of your blade….," were the words to my pawn as I sit by the window sill.

"I take back what I said earlier young man. You certainly have it worse," were the words of my pawn that flowed along with his blade with his hair trailing behind him.

The pole length blade comes down, but the kind boy was ready to receive. A shower of sparks, but it was nothing more than testing the waters. The samurai had the longer blade, but the kind boy had two. Closing the distance, trying to get the fight on his own terms, but the kind boy is too kind for his own good. He loses his dagger and his hooked blade too, but he was not limited to a mere two blades. He continues with empty hands.

Black and white of chinese origin. Curved cleavers appear in his hands as he swipes at his opponent, but the samurai was no stranger to judging distance. Combat is based around deception and kind boy had plenty of tricks a conventional swordsman did not, but his opponent could not be called a conventional swordsman either. One had an unlimited number of blades, while the other honed his single blade beyond the notion of "one". The books on the shelf are ripped apart, and the bed erupts in feathers. The samurai's slashes were slower than he would have liked. The flat of his blade did not cut the air cleanly, but the kind boy needed any advantage he could get. Even as he loses one of his blades, the kind boy was unrelenting in his generosity. As the black one is parried, he quickly prepares the white one. His opponent had quickly ascertained the length of his twin blades and had been simply toying with him all this time. Parrying and dodging had become routine. For the long dead ghost, evading wasn't an issue...

"Overedge!" was the plan the boy was waiting on.

The white blade like a crane stretching its wings was about to cleave the samurai in two, but as the samurai's own blade was about to slam into senpai's neck, senpai lowers himself, only managing to sweep nonexistent feet. The ghost prepares an overhead swing. Death comes crashing down, but the boy I loved receives the overhead strike with his shorter black blade. Even though the blow is blocked, the kind boy was only human. His legs could not completely brace for the impact and his ability to even stand has been reduced. He tries to get up, but binding his feet were golden chains, the chains that subdued even the Bull of Heaven.

The boy I love could only let out a sigh with that endearing smile of his.

"How will I tell Miyu about this?"

Chapter Text

"I know how it feels to have too many things to protect, but that's all the more reason you should keep a clear head, but rest assured I'll keep you sister safe."

That was the promise I made to that boy, but he failed to keep his promise with his sister. A bamboo blade is at my side. Sunlight pours into the dojo windows and another day had begun, yet the boy still wasn't home. His sister had stayed up late into the night sparring with me and now her head rests on my lap while she continues to sleep. While dressed up as a sheep.

The unofficial big sister of the house had dropped by hoping for breakfast, but after seeing Miyu's sleeping face, she had given up on the idea.

"Shirou really has a lot of making up to do with us after he's done with Sakura. Kiritsugu would be disappointed, but he himself was quite the sinful man too wasn't he?" was what Taiga had whispered into my ear trying hard not to disturb my Master's sleep before heading out.

As close as the school teacher was to the Emiya family, she was ignorant of the supernatural, much less the Holy Grail War. In her eyes, I was simply an acquaintance of Kiritsugu and Sakura was Shirou's bride to be. My knights would have been envious of Shirou, to have a girl like her cook for him, but those might have simply been my own feelings. Her flavours were simple and sincere, just like how she appeared to be. Still, as a cook, my Master did not lose to her if last night's Salisbury steak was any indication. Kiritsugu's idea of comfort food wasn't it?

I let another hour pass and it was obvious Miyu would be late for school. She was still wearing the sheep hoodie from last night. I contemplate nudging her, but I ultimately do nothing. I couldn't wake her for selfish reasons.

As unchild-like my Master could behave at times, seeing her sleeping face, it was clear my Master was still a child. She put faith in those older than her as a matter of fact, but why wouldn't she? Miyu was a child who only knew of peace. This city, this house, her world was indeed a small one and the people older than her kept it that way. Despite knowing her worldview was narrow, she believed those around her only held her interests at heart. From her perspective, I'm not any different.

A child who knew nothing of violence had insisted I train her last night. I had complied. She had stood before me with a bamboo sword in hand. Her eyes were resolute. Her senses were solid, there was no error in her form and no gap in her technique. She had no wasted movements and was flawless in her execution, but it was for that reason, she could never touch me. I parried every one of her blows and was always able to strike her down before she could strike me. I knew her sword, because it was mine. A side effect of those strange cards perhaps? I couldn't deny the fact that she had talent, that she had potential, for a child, but that was all she had. When it came to fighting she was only a novice. I struck her down dozens of times without mercy, but the look in her eyes never changed as she keeps picking herself up. Kicking off platforms of air and using centrifugal force to compensate for her small frame, I came to know what my enemies must have experienced, even if for a bit. There was no hesitation in her attacks nor doubt in her convictions, but her mortal body could not keep up as her legs gave out. She slept with her training sword still gripped firmly in her hands. I place my hand upon her forehead. Temperature was normal.

Still only a child, but was I any different back then?

There was a time when I myself was looked down upon as mere child, yet I pushed forward without looking back. With a sword in hand, they called me a dragon in human form, but I was merely fulfilling my obligations as a king. To protect my country. As long as I swung my sword, I only knew of victory. As long as I fulfilled my obligations, I believed everything would turn out alright no matter what I had to cast away. It was only natural.

Moving forward implies leaving something behind. To obtain, someone else will lose. To decide on something means giving up on something else. That was what life was regardless of one's station. People grow by casting small wishes away. Maybe I could have lived a life without swinging a sword, but I cast away that small dream, that small wish, for the shared dream everyone believed in. Avalon. For that reason, I kept swinging my sword, believing that those who followed me held the same shared dream at the bottom of their hearts regardless of their origins. I kept swinging my sword, believing we would all reach that place where we could all be smiling.

King Arthur does not understand human feelings.

As long as king and knight fulfilled their respective obligations, everything else was irrelevant….

You saved them, but you never led them.

I continue to stare at the ward I was responsible for in this Holy Grail War. I sought the Holy Grail to rectify my mistakes, but the sleeping child dragged into this conflict had a more immediate reason to fight. To protect her family.

My lap was wet. Her brother wasn't home. The cell phone did not ring once at all last night. Right now, I was her only guardian. Even though I had the power to protect her life, was it alright for me to lead her?

I purge my mind of such thoughts.

Nothing mattered in the face of the outcome. Just as I was a tool for her survival, she was a tool for me to obtain the Holy Grail. A pragmatic relationship based on results. A contract between tools, that's all it should have been. That was what her father….

The result is the most important thing. But with that aside, your heart trying to do so is...

The Kiritsugu I knew had no human feelings. Killing every emotion and killing every enemy. Treating everything as a tool including himself and only having eyes for his objective. He was not human, he was…...

You will not be human once you take hold of the sword.

It was a truth I knew from the very beginning before I even gazed upon the sword in the stone. The ideal king I sought to be wasn't human and there are no battles without victims. If it was inevitable for a village to fall into enemy hands and fill enemy stomachs, I ordered my own army to devour it ourselves first. Small villages could not be compared to the whole of the kingdom. The village I grew up in was no different. A king was someone who kills everyone to protect everyone.

Caliburn.

I took the power of kingship into my hands. The strongest sword that could cut down any enemy. Those who wielded swords must never forget the power they wield or the responsibility that comes with it. To do anything less was to be a tyrant. Such was the core of chivalry. Kiritsugu called it out as nothing more than sophistry, but coming from him it was nothing short of hypocrisy. We both sought the same thing; ideals by different names while wielding weapons of different form. We could take lives, but we could never truly grasp hearts. We were lacking and so all we could do was place our hopes on the Holy Grail….

"Saber?" was what Miyu utters as she wakes. As she took notice of her surroundings, her face turned red. She sits upright, composing herself, looking up to me for guidance, for answers with those clear eyes. It was a painful thing, but I have endured worse. Even if one's heart is a mess, one mustn't show it to anyone. Friend or foe.

"Did my brother come back? Is Sakura?" are the questions she asks.

"No, he isn't back yet," is all I could say to her.

She reaches for her cell phone, checking the Call ID before putting it back in her pocket as she lets out a breath. Her hair was a mess. I reach for my own pocket producing a comb. A part of me already anticipated this outcome.

"Saber?" she says with surprise.

"Knights and their squires must keep themselves at a certain level of presentability."

She takes a second to register my intent and then turns around and I in turn unfurl her hair in Shirou's place. As I run the foreign comb through the strands of black hair, I make a note of the length. Long hair was impractical and that was why she had hers tied up, but in a different way than I did. I wasn't familiar with how Shirou tied her hair up and ended up recreating a bun just like mine. It was unfortunate that there were no mirrors in the house, but that was the least of our worries.

My ears picked up the clacking of a lock.

Someone had entered the house. It wasn't Servant. It might've been Shirou, but the footsteps were far too light. I signal to my Master and she takes a deep sigh, preparing herself. I exit the dojo first as she follows close behind. The yard in the center was undisturbed and we make our way to the kitchen taking note of the fragrance as we slide the door.

"It's Sakura," is the conclusion my Master makes after concentrating on the smell.

I prepare my unseen sword, running through simulated battles with Rider in my head. As I peer into the kitchen, getting closer to the sizzling sound of a pan, I confirm my Master's suspicion. It wasn't Shirou, but the Master of Rider just as my Master had suspected. If I'm quick enough then..

"Sakura?" my Master calls out her name giving away our position.

The half cooked omelette is flipped into the air as the older girl turns around, away from the stove to meet my Master's gaze with a smile. My Master wasn't sure how to react, and I wasn't either. The omelette in the air naturally falls back into the pan without a splatter. Such was the depth of her experience in the kitchen. My own experience told me something was wrong.

"Where's Rider?" I ask.

She doesn't meet my gaze, returning her attention to the stove.

"Breakfast will be done soon. Will 2 portions suffice?" is all she has to say.

An enemy Master showing up before us without a Servant with her back turned. It was impertinent to eliminate any unpredictable factors, but Miyu was not Kiritsugu. A blessing and a curse. Even if Sakura was untrustworthy, she was still part of the family my Master wanted to protect.

"I ordered her to watch over my brother," is what that girl admits.

"Then, where's Shirou?"

There is only the sound of the crackling pan until she decides to speak again.

"We got into an argument yesterday about that ...Einzbern girl," she says while trying to be composed, but the crack of her voice at the end hinted that things weren't right.

"You...know Illyasviel?" Miyu works up the courage to say.

"So that's the name of the girl who left my brother a paraplegic," was Sakura's offhand answer that momentarily breaks my Master's calm.

"I'm….," Miyu tries to work up the words, but she doesn't know what to say.

"Is that the truth?" I say in my Master's stead, but Rider's Master doesn't even look at me as she turns off the stove. She simply approaches my Master, paying no head to the threat I posed, crouching down so that their eyes were level.

"There's nothing you need to apologize for. You didn't do anything wrong. You have never done anything wrong. There's nothing you need to feel guilty about. What that nasty little girl does has nothing to do with you," are the words of comfort that are offered to my Master along with that soothing motherly smile.

"But she's…," is the truth that rises to the surface, yet before my Master could finish, the older girl cuts her off as the eggs finish cooking.

"That girl is as much as your sister as Tohsaka is mine, so you don't need to concern yourself with what she does," are the words she gives to my Master along with a plate.

We make our way to the living room and sit around the square knee height table. Sakura sits across from us with no plate of her own. Her elbows are on the table and she merely stares at my Master with her chin resting on her fingers as she smiles.

"Are you not going to eat Sakura?" is the question Miyu asks.

"I ate hours ago. I came here from school after realizing you were absent. Saber isn't touching her food. So what's wrong? " is the question Sakura asks in response.

I quickly took a bite of my Master's omelette before it reaches her lips. There was no poison, but I couldn't help but think something was put into it because there was no way eggs could be so delicious on their own.

"There's nothing ...no..," is the lie my Master begins make.

A small child shuts out her heart in front of the person she wants to protect. The bonds of family are not based around results, yet the bond I saw in front of me was being strained because of family. A small child gathers her resolve.

"Where's my brother?" was her clear voice with even clearer eyes. Rider's Master meets that gaze.

"I wanted him to stay in this house, to stay put, but he didn't listen. Will you listen? You've always been a good girl, haven't you?" They were words that came from the heart, but I could tell they were implicitly dishonest.

The small child ponders for but a moment but makes no hesitation in her answer.

"I will listen, but I won't stay put until I know where he went," were clear resolute words that shouldn't have suited a child who cried in her sleep.

"He's just asleep at my house. Shall we three go together?" is Sakura's invitation.

We go down a hill and reach an intersection. The early morning rush hour has long past and the streets were empty as the sun bears down on us. The sun's presence should have been reassuring. It was an unwritten rule that no fighting shall take place during the day and that was something even Kiritsugu had followed for the most part.

On top of that hill is the Tohsaka Manor and I for that reason I stopped my steps. The child behind me readies herself. A part of her had already braced herself for such an outcome. That Sakura had set up a trap.

Even if my interaction with Kiritsugu was minimal, it didn't take a king to realize the importance of geography during a conflict. Ten years had indeed passed, but there were things that didn't change at all. Ten years, that was how old my current Master was wasn't it?

An Archer class Servant was certainly on top of that hill and if we moved any closer, we would be under his gaze, but Sakura wasn't worried at all. She stops and turns around.

"Hm, what's wrong?" is the question she innocently asks.

"The Master of Archer resides on top of that hill…if we move any closer," I state as a matter of fact.

"Tohsaka is a good girl at heart. No fighting during the day, that's the rule isn't it? The fact I'm still alive says everything doesn't it?" Sakura retorts.

That girl is as much as your sister as Tohsaka is mine, so you don't need to concern yourself with what she does.

"Is it possible to have an explanation before we walk further? Even if Tohsaka is friendly with you, she has no reason to be with us."

"It's nothing much really. The Matou blood ran thin and by the time my older brother was born, well...he wasn't born with Magic Circuits," is the start of Sakura's little story.

Sakura was Rider's Master. To be a Master, Magic Circuits are needed. That is what every Servant knows on a practical level as we are supplied with magical energy.

"The Matou wanted a successor and the Tohsaka had a spare is all," is the truth the Matou heir divulges.

"Spare?" is the word that escapes my Master's lips as a whisper.

"It's not uncommon in the world of magi. It's the same for your family, isn't it Miyu?" is the assumption Sakura makes.

"I'm sorry, but I don't understand," is what my Master admits.

Even if my Master's aptitude was high, it was obvious she did not know the first thing about the way magi lived. All the adults around her sheltered her from such a world and Sakura was one of them. Shirou's fate, I have already accepted the worst possible outcome.

"Tohsaka is allied with Einzbern, so where does your allegiance lay, Master of Rider?"

"I am Miyu's ally. That's the most important fact to you right now isn't it, Miss Knight?" is her answer.

Such an answer does not sit well with me, but my Master more so.

"You told me to listen, but you're dodging things like you always do," is the unfortunate truth my Master points out.

There was a pause. Even the air was still. I brace myself for something I couldn't fathom.

"To tell you the truth, when I first laid eyes on you, I hated you. I thought, wouldn't it be nice if a truck delivers her to the next world? Just like me, your father passed away. Just like me you have an older step brother. Just like me…..people thought of you as the quiet girl…..yet why were our circumstances like night and day?" is the unfortunate truth Sakura confesses.

I grip my unseen sword, but my Master is unfazed.

"Do you still hate me?" Miyu says with no malice.

"No. I don't because at the root of that petty hatred was admiration. As I watched you grow up from that quiet little girl, I realized you were everything I wanted to be. You always succeed in everything you attempted to do. Even though you're so young, it seemed you already decided on what you wanted to become. You were so dazzling to me. It's a funny thing. As you began to smile, I couldn't help but smile too and before I knew it, I was wishing for your happiness like a mother would," the older girl continues to confess with a bittersweet smile.

I sensed a Servant approaching and I quickly turn my head behind me to catch a glimpse. Snow whtie hair just like Irisviel's in the distance. I could sense Berserker's unseen presence right behind her. The situation was getting complicated; more so than it already was.

"Oh my, it seems someone had been following us," Sakura expresses without a hint of fear.

If her claim of what happened to her own brother was truth, then was she truly ignorant of the Servant Illyasviel commanded?

"Don't worry, leave this to me," is what the older girl says to us as she walks past us to meet Berserker's Master face to face. As Sakura gets closer, Illyasviel stops as if ready to flee at a moment's notice.

"What are you doing here sneaking around like a thief?" Sakura hollers to the distant figure garbed in pink.

"I just wanted to confirm that it wasn't a trick. So, you really do live in this neighborhood. Rin has some explaining to do," the enemy Master sighs as she brandishes her wand.

The world is never merciful and never patient. My Master moves to intercept in a single step and I quickly follow her with jets of air beneath my feet.

"What is this development?!" is what the wand crys out.

Chapter Text

Another day begins. I eat the pancakes Archer prepares and we head off together before our guests wake up. Hopefully, she won't complain about cold food, but considering Archer's skill, it shouldn't be a problem. I walk down the streets with my guardian behind me. It would be around this time that people around my age would be heading to school, but school wasn't my destination. The hero I summoned and the brat I was allied with told me I wasn't taking things seriously enough. That assessment wasn't wrong. There was something I shouldn't have ignored for over a decade. After all, the Holy Grail War was the ritual that took my father's life and my mother's sanity ten years ago.

A story like that isn't special at all in the eyes of magi.

For a magus, pain and death are constant companions. For all our dedication, there may not even be a reward at the end of our study. That was the case with my father and his father. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel it in my arm; the work of all my predecessors carved into the Tohsaka Crest. All of them pushing against my shoulder.

I see her.

As I walk down the hill, the back of that well known first year student comes into view. Even after all these years, she still wears that old ribbon. There were times I wanted to call out to her, but I always held myself back. I couldn't do such a thing without a good excuse and right now, that is the last thing I should do.

Even though we were born from the same parents, I was a Tohsaka and she was a Matou.

Our families formed a non-aggression pact centuries ago and I continued to abide by it. We did not interact with each other unless absolutely necessary, but our families originally made that pact to obtain the Holy Grail along with the Einzbern. Considering how the Einzbern brat I was allied with thinks of the Matou, there was another reason not to follow it now. Sakura was simply another competitor in the game. She was alone right now without a Servant. The visage of that pale haired girl who wore her face resurfaces in my mind.

We trail her on her way to school and nothing was amiss as she enters the building. As we stake out the school, it was obvious nothing was happening, though I did not see either Emiya anywhere. I let out a breath.

"Was that a sigh of relief" Archer asks of me, but I don't answer.

With Sakura out of the way, it was time to move on to what I needed to do.

It was a roundabout trip, but the Matou Residence was in front of us.

It was styled like my house, yet somehow more dilapidated, but somehow the neighborhood kids spread no rumors about them. I take another breath. I resolve myself. No more dilly dallying. I grip the gem sword in my pocket. Even though I possess a trump card, it was a hastily prepared trump card I prepared in response to what Archer had seen. We check for any defenses, yet we couldn't find any despite how keen Archer's eyes were.

"Not even a bounded field?" is what Archer notes. The fact itself was somewhat unsettling, yet I brush it off.

"Zouken barely has enough power to maintain his own body," is the fact I state, but that may have only been part of the reason. If Zouken was being truthful the last time a saw him, then his relationship with Sakura wasn't the greatest, but I already knew that from the start.

I slowly approach the door and open it without paying heed to the door bell, the magical lock or my father's hypothetical misgivings. The lack of proper defenses was unnerving to say the least. We make our way around the house once and I find nothing immediately amiss, but that's how magi operate. We always hide things in plain view and the Matou shouldn't be any different….

"There are a few occupants upstairs…...two blank areas…..There's probably a way to the basement from the second floor ...," is the observation my Servant makes. Whoever was upstairs, it would be best to avoid them. Probably just Shinji and some caretakers after what happened to him. I make my footsteps scarce while Archer trails behind as a wisp. To uncover Sakura's truth was the reason I was here and Archer's instincts proved correct as we uncover a secret passage. Still...

"Smithing and cooking are one thing, but what does carpentry have to do with archery?" I whisper in my mind.

"Save the jokes for later," is what my hero of many talents asks of me before we descend down the stairs and a foul odor assaults my nose.

I walk down the staircase of damp moldy stone. Calling the place a morgue would be too much of a compliment. Each arched cavity in the wall presumably contained a corpse, but this place was no morgue. A morgue is for preserving bodies until burial, cremation or whatever it is that necromancers do, but this place was the final destination.

The Matou workshop…..

There were no books to be seen or projects of any kind, only a mass of worms on the floor. They writhe and coalesce; the Matou specialty. On the surface, the Matou craft centered around "absorption" and they were adept with the use of familiars, but I never thought too hard about what that meant. I stare at my hand and the command spells carved into it. The Matou devised the command spells by which we mortals could bind heroes of legend for the Holy Grail War. Lesser familiars would only be a liability against the Matou and I still remember what Sakura had tried to do against Berserker through Archer's eyes. That Sakura Archer saw wasn't the Sakura I knew, but what did I even know of her? Rather, what did I refuse to see? What did I avert my gaze from? Sakura was born with blue eyes and black hair just like mine, but strangers today would never mistake her for my sister.

When she was adopted by the Matou, she had to become a Matou by taking in Matou essences…...

I try to steel myself as if incanting a spell, but my body shudders and grows nauseous regardless of my efforts. Maybe I was naturally someone who always failed at the last possible moment. I take a breath and stare at the motionless worm affixed to the wall and I couldn't avert my gaze. To have the family magecraft carved into one's body wasn't strange at all; that's what Magic Crests were and these "Crest Worms" were the same I tell myself, but I couldn't accept that reasoning.

The end may have been similar, but the intent behind them couldn't be farther apart. The one of a kind Tohsaka Crest was carved into me for my sake; to aid me in my endeavors as a magus, but Sakura was offered to these innumerable worms for the sake of the worms. Pragmatic it was not. It was needlessly sadistic. Who could continue diligently studying the art if this was all they knew of it? I realized I was no longer shuddering. My hands were clenched tight.

My own biased memories did not matter. When it came to damage, there was no distinction between ignorance and evil. The truth was laid bare and it was a truth I had to swallow. Sakura had been suffering all this time and I was ignorant of it. No it was worse. Her suffering was a truth I always suspected, but always brushed it away to protect my own shallow feelings.

As I continue to take the worm into my view, bile pools beneath my throat, but I was forced to swallow my unease as my red knight materializes himself.

A well-kempt samurai stares down on us from the entrance way we came in from with a long curved blade on his back…...of course…

"Assassin I presume?" is the remark Archer makes as he materializes his twin swords. He did not look like an "Assassin" in my eyes, but the fact remains that we failed to detect an enemy Servant which provides some credence to Archer's deduction.

"That is the role I was given by the Grail however unsuited I am for it, but right now I am stuck here as a mere home security guard," he says as he brandishes his long curved blade from atop the stairs.

"How's that working out for you?" is the quip Archer makes.

"To tell you honestly, I miss the temple gate," is the honest truth our assailant dispenses.

Temple Gate? This samurai must be a Servant Sakura had stolen like she had tried to do to Berserker. So, our worst fears were indeed true, but that was another matter right now. The time to exchange words had passed.

Archer takes a step forward, but his opponent does not show any change, except for that killing intent.

The intent to kill eventually boils over. Robes flutter and blades fly. The sparks of blades clashing illuminate the Matou dungeon.

For a moment, the samurai stops his blade and simply observes the red knight I commanded with an expression I couldn't read. In front of me was Archer's back with his twin swords at his side. The very ones Emiya liked to wield. Maybe our assailant was merely perplexed. He glances for a moment at the wall before turning back his gaze down at us.

The following strikes were faster than any that came before.

Hopefully, it is not Archer's warmth that spills in this bout, but ...it wasn't looking very good. Even if I knew little of swordplay, Archer's skill with his twin swords seemed ordinary compared to the inhuman finesse of his opponent.

That long blade flashes in and out of my vision. An illusionary blade that was everywhere, but also nowhere all at once. Even so, that blade is battered away countless times without fail by the dancing twin blades.

Archer did not fall. My guardian did not falter to the unrelenting storm of strikes from above. His opponent's sword descends like lightning. Branching out in unpredictable ways and crashing down faster than light, yet Archer's swords receive as if they were lightning rods.

"Assassin" tries to push my guardian back, yet his defenses remain stalwart.

The distance between them does not change at all. Archer could receive his opponent's attacks, but not once did Archer even attempt to make an attack of his own. If Archer makes a single slip up in this dance, our fight will be over. I contemplated providing fire support, but I knew their fight was not within my domain of expertise. I was confident in my long range spells, that's why I originally wanted to summon a Saber-class Servant, but I realized how arrogant I was.

All I could do right now was put faith in the hero I had managed to pull. With the gem sword in my hands, Archer shouldn't have any problems with unleashing whatever Noble Phantasms he needed, yet he continues to block with his twin swords even as the killing intent in the air grows sharper.

Ironically, in terms of reach, the Servant of the Bow was at a disadvantage, but who wouldn't be when facing that comically long blade? As long as "Assassin" was here, we could not escape from where we came. We could not push him back as long as he held the high ground.

For that reason, Archer retreats down the steps, but "Assassin" does not take the opening. Placed in the middle of the steps was Archer's black sword charged with energies to the point of bursting as the red hexagonal pattern distorts into a flash of light and dust.

I lose my step.

The explosion erases the staircase and the falling stones scatter the chitinous bodies below. Archer grabs me with one arm before I hit the ground, but I'm quickly tossed aside as he materializes a white bow as our opponent lands on his feet.

The loss of his high ground does not disturb our opponent in the slightest as he readies his absurdly long sword as he smiles. I check my surroundings. I realize there was no wall impeding his blade anymore and realize how outmatched Archer was when it came to the blade….

But, as absurdly long as his sword was, the range of a bow dwarfs that of any sword. That was why he did not reveal himself until we entered the building. At range, a sword cannot beat a bow.

That is common sense, but heroes are remembered because they are not bound by it.

Clutched in Archer's other hand was still the white sword he had been fighting with and not an arrow. The samurai wastes no time in erasing the distance. Archer did not have enough time to even project an arrow.

"Tsubame Gaeshi," was the sound that was only dread to my ears as the world seems to warp as a single blade becomes three.

I hear the sharp snap of metal and the match was over.

The two figures were still standing, blood pooling beneath their feet. Neither had lost a limb or their heads. The samurai's blunt tipped knife which was what remained of his blade failed to penetrate the metal plate Archer wore on his collar. In terms of reach, a knife cannot beat a sword. That was why Archer's stout white blade was in his stomach right now. The kimono he wore offered no defense compared to what adorned my knight.

"That's no bow," is what escapes the dying man's lips along with his blood as Archer steps back unscathed. The white sword still lodged in his gutt, was it pulsating?

Archer tosses his "bow" on the floor and the stone beneath it shatters. The bow Archer normally used was unlike any bow of this era or any era I knew of, but the "bow" he had used in that final clash was no bow.

"It's a shame your sword could not keep up with your technique," were words spoken with no emotion.

"What do you know of technique? You're neither a swordsman or bowman," were the bitter words of the loser. The glowing white sword lodged in his gutt meets the same fate as its partner. An explosion that leaves no trace.

The only thing that remained of the samurai was the broken tip on the floor, but it quickly dissolves. It was surreal, but that was how Servants meet their end. Their time on earth had already passed long ago. Heroic spirits were nothing more than fleeting illusions.

I could sense no other Servants other than my Archer after Assassin's defeat and Assassin was the only Servant who could conceal his presence, but someone else makes his presence known.

"You certainly pulled a sly Servant, Second Owner. Quite the gamble. Betting on his blade breaking," was the guttural buzzing of many insects that surrounded us.

Coming together, coalescing, the many chitinous bodies form swarm around the white "bow".

"Hmm, this paperweight is made of pure Rhenium isn't it? Brings me back," was the buzzing of the Matou head.

Rhenium, rarer than tungsten and three times as dense as iron. It wasn't something an ordinary blacksmith would work with and even if they did, they would be hard pressed to find a customer who wouldn't complain about the heft. It was merely something Archer used to break his opponent's blade.

That was Archer's intent from the very beginning.

Despite how readily they seemed to explode, the stout twin blades Archer wielded were at the peak of what humanity could produce. His opponent's long slender sword was fragile by comparison. While my Servant had an unlimited supply of such blades, Assassin only had a single blade despite how quickly he could swing it. Even if Assassin could overwhelm my hero with an infinite number of strikes, he only had one blade.

A warrior's weapon is his lifeline. A rule that was true in the age of firearms and it was true in the age of cold steel. It was a bad match up because that age old rule did not apply to Archer. If Archer's swords broke, he could simply produce more; and with the gem sword in my hands he had no issues with the amount of magical energy he could shape. He had no issue smashing his blade repeatedly against his opponent's. That samurai must have known that, but he could not fulfill his duty as a guard without attacking us. Though we could not retreat, he was under the same condition. For every moment the fight went on, the life of his blade was being diminished. That was why he needed to force Archer down the steps into open ground to make full use of his technique and end the fight quickly, but it was all according to Archer's plan.

As long as that sword was, it was painfully ordinary. Our opponent wasn't a Saber after all. The superhuman feats performed with that sword were purely the result of the wielder's skill. Even if it could cut steel in his hands, it would break when struck against Rhenium, but who could blame him? It was only common sense for a sword to be able to cut through a bow, but my Servant wasn't a mere bowman. The gem sword in my pocket that I was tightly clasping was proof of that. Even if Assassin was a peerless swordsman, the make up of bows were outside of his domain.

The chitinous bodies continue to swarm. Popping out from a hole in the wall was the supposed head of the Matou family in all his wrinkly diminutive glory, Zouken.

"To what do I owe the pleasure heir of Tohsaka? To show up unannounced, what would your father think? Right now, you're actions are the farthest thing from elegance," is what the old worm tells me.

"Elegance?" is what Archer tells him in response as his eyes darted around the Matou "workshop" before settling his sights on the old monster.

"Be kind to this old man. It gets harder to keep up appearances as you age," is the excuse Zouken gives, "but you can't use that excuse can you Tohsaka? No greeting? No advance notice? Even after committing murder in my own home? You must really hate me, but who do you even like in the first place?" were words directed at me.

There were probably a myriad of things I wanted to ask, but no words came out of my mouth.

"So, you broke the pact between our families, but the fact you aren't attacking me right now must mean there is something urgent you want to discuss?" the old worm continues to talk paying no heed to me at all. As if he believes everything happening around him was someone else's problem. The fact that a Servant was slain before his eyes doesn't phase him at all. My words would probably have less effect, but...

"Pact? What you did to Sakura, that wasn't what my father agreed upon," were words that carelessly leave my lips.

Sakura was the one perpetually at the forefront of my mind it seemed.

"I fulfilled my side of the deal to the letter, but since Tokiomi has passed, it's not something worth debating over," is what Zouken dismissively says about the matter.

"T-that's all you can say?" my voice was louder than I thought it would be.

"You intruded upon our home and committed murder, so I'm the one in position to be asking the questions. To what do I owe the pleasure Second Owner?" he says with a grin.

"With the Holy Grail War underway, it isn't unthinkable that I would do some investigation on the other participants would I?" is the truth I tell everyone in the room.

The old worm ponders a bit.

"Investigation? I guess it wouldn't hurt to tell you some things because of our shared interest," is what he finally decides to say, but that just unsettles me more.

"Shared interest?"

"Like I said before, as hard as I tried to raise her, that girl has grown to be quite rebellious and I can't control her at all. As the Second Owner and her older sister, it's your duty to discipline her during such troubling times isn't it?" were words pinning his problem onto me.

"And you're supposed to be the Matou family head?"

"You overestimate my abilities. What could I do when faced with the power of a heroic spirit?" is the excuse he makes.

"Were you not the one who devised the command spells we use for this ritual?"

"Yes I am, but I had no hand in making those cards of the Emiya," was something I couldn't help but take note of.

"Cards?"

"Haven't you faced the Emiya in battle? In fact, the way your Servant fights is suspiciously similar," the pile of rotting flesh ponders.

Those suspicions I did not want to accept are confirmed once again. To invoke a heroic spirit's power using oneself as a medium. A normal body could only contain one soul, so using such a method carried an undeniable risk; the risk of losing oneself. That little Emiya girl who cycled through three different heroic spirits so far without any discernible side effects may not have been human, but Sakura was….. I still remember the alien who wore her face as my Archer ran...

"A heroic spirit's power distilled in its purity without the ego, something the Magus Killer would have preferred in his own Grail War, though Sakura's may be a bit defective. If you want to know about those cards, try interrogating Emiya. He should be upstairs sleeping in Sakura's room," is that small bit of info that replaces my unease with impatience.

That boy was supposed to be the saving grace in Sakura's life. That was why I tolerated him for so long, but...

"Archer," I call out.

Me and my hero were of the same wavelength. I grab hold of him as he leaps as I leave the old worm a tip.

A tip that just happens to explode. I hear the sound behind us, but I do not look back. Zouken could be dealt with later. There was a more pressing matter.

Emiya Shirou was alone right now.

Whenever I saw her at school, it was rare for an Emiya not to be around her. Either flirting with the older one or doting on the younger one as they shared the bento boxes they prepared together. They would come to school together and leave school together. She was cast away from the world the Tohsaka saw, but was able to find a new one. I told myself that she was happy and that I had no right to intrude on it. There was no place for me in Sakura's world, but …. I needed to know if that world was a complete lie.

Chapter Text

Illyasviel von Einzbern appears before me once again, but her eyes were not trained on me. She was only 20 or so meters away.

"I just wanted to confirm that it wasn't a trick. So, you really do live in this neighborhood. Rin has some explaining to do," were she directs not at me, but Sakura who was standing in front of me.

My breath stops, but the world continues on and for that reason I had to move forward. I run past Sakura, but as Illyasviel's face becomes clearer as the distance decreases, my feet and my throat cease to function. What was I going to do? My body had reacted before my mind could process anything. I calm down, trying to piece together the events. She knew Sakura, that much was clear from our last conversation and her actions just now confirmed that fact.

"What is this development?!" is what the wand in Illyasviel's hand cries out that breaks my trance.

Saber was at the ready, always vigilant, but Sakura was unfazed.

I scan the area for Rider. Despite only briefly meeting her yesterday, I know she wouldn't stand for what was happening right now, but the hospital was on the other side of the city across the river.

I turn my gaze back towards Illyasviel and her waiting eyes. She simply watches us with her great unseen guardian not far behind her. Everything will depend on my next action, but my mind could not think of one even as my body grows ever more restless. Whether it be cooking, sewing, school work, sports or surgery, as long as I knew the path, my body would move flawlessly.

Move. Move. Move. Is what my body recklessly tells me, but I ignore it. I ignore it. I ignored it because the path wasn't clear. I had no peace offerings. I had no speech in advance. I hadn't made any preparations. I did not plan far enough ahead. All I had with me were card shaped weapons. I didn't know what I needed to do when it came to the girl in front of me…..because last time I know for certain I made things worse and right now Sakura is….

I wanted to grow up to be someone reliable. To be someone that doesn't make others sad. To be at least as reliable as those who always looked out for me….

"Don't you realize you're making Miyu uncomfortable?" Sakura says to Saber as she rests her hand on shoulder, but I sense no further movements. Saber doesn't respond to her words or her touch.

"And you over there. What do think you're doing skulking around my neighborhood?" is the holler Sakura gives to Illyasviel.

"I'm just practicing the local etiquette I learned from you," was Illyasviel's response I couldn't understand, but at the very least, the tension seemed to ease or maybe that was simply groundless optimism.

"You teach etiquette on the side, Sakura?" I ask as I face her.

I calm myself down. Thinking about it, it wasn't too strange. Did Fuji-nee and I unknowingly receive complementary lessons over the years? My brother did lecture me about the way I speak to others. That was my conclusion and Sakura responds with a smile. Did that mean my conclusion was correct after all? I turn back to the girl in the distance.

Illyasviel simply stares incredulously at me. Even the wand she was pointing at me gives the same vibes. After some inaudible mumbling, her face settles down and lets out a sigh of resignation before putting on a smile once again. A smile that was definitely fake, but I don't say a thing.

"Say, Sakura is it? Has that little sister of mine ever lied?" Illyasviel asks Sakura.

"Lying is one of those few things she was never good at it," Sakura confesses.

"I assume that's something you're good at then?" Illyasviel continues to pry.

Sakura continues to smile paying no heed to Saber's invisible sword resting on her shoulder. A smile that was definitely fake, but I don't say a thing.

"There are some things that children don't need to know and would be better off never knowing," is what Sakura admits right in front of me.

"Hmm, so that's what friends do?" is the question Illyasviel ponders.

Sakura is my friend. That was what I told Illyasviel yesterday on the swings. A relationship of equal terms without disaffection or hostility; but the relationship I had with Sakura was not such a thing. Maybe Sakura never saw me as a friend, but even so, somethings are entirely subjective. Even objective problems may have multiple solutions. Light itself is both a particle and a wave.

"If that's the case, maybe I'm luckier than I thought Miyu," are the words Illyasviel directs towards me.

Illyasviel has no friends. That is what she admits with those words. That is the reality she believes in. I stare at the ever watchful giant behind her that my eyes could not see. I glance at Saber who was still behind me before facing forward once again. I couldn't let them hijack the conversation.

"Isn't Heracles your friend?" is what I ask.

The girl in pink does not respond. She takes a breath, but no words come out of her mouth as she exhales. In her absence, the wand speaks.

"So you do understand!" the wand shouts with unabated enthusiasm.

"Ruby?" says the wielder.

"The contrasting colors, his large size, his wild mane, he really brings out my Master's strongest weapon don't you agree?" the wand continues to squirm in it's wielders hand.

"Weapon?" I repeat.

"Her cuteness of course!" the wand expresses with unhinged glee, cutting all the tension in an instant.

I could sparsely follow what the wand was trying to say at first, but the core logic was sound and I nod in agreement. Illyasviel takes another exaggerated breath.

"Illyasviel, would you like to come over for lunch? The day is still young and I do owe you for showing up at your abode unannounced last time," is the invitation Sakura makes with that false smile of hers.

"I would have to decline as I have more sightseeing to do," she ends the conversation with a curtsy before walking past us with a false smile of her own.

I could hear my own heartbeat after the exchange. I wanted to reach out to her, but I knew I shouldn't do that with Sakura with me.

A short walk later and I see the Matou manor with my own eyes. The simplest description I had for it, was that it was a house trying to be a castle. Some may have found it imposing, but I did not. Fuji-nee claimed that my sense of size for what an average home should be was skewed. Mold and uncontrollable vegetation adorn the walls of cold stone. It was a far cry from the castle in my nightmares or Saber's, but I still found it ominous just the same. I was hesitant to step inside. My steps falter a bit. I was expecting the doors to shine and shift, but nothing of the sort happens. As anxious as I was, Saber was even more cautious.

Sakura opens the door.

We walk down the halls and up the stairs. We entered Sakura's "room" if it could be called that. The bed was in tatters, the walls had gashes and the furniture were splinters. Even if this place was only used to lay her head for the night, the disrepair…...Crude phantom dolls molded from massless shadows littered the room, patrolling in circles. I scan the room, but there was no sign of my brother. Saber readies her invisible blade.

"This can't…that worthless.," was all I could catch from Sakura's mumbling before she starts to shout.

"Assassin!" is the cry that throws me off and Saber responds by pressing her unseen blade against Sakura's neck.

"Assassin?" is the word that Saber repeats as her eyes scry the area for a concealed enemy that may be lurking, but I knew there wasn't one.

I take a deep breath and grab Saber by the wrist, but Saber does not respond. Sakura doesn't say anything more. It was more accurate to say that she stopped functioning altogether for a moment. I couldn't see her face with her back turned, but the sounds of water drops hitting the carpet don't escape my ears. I see Sakura's hand clenched into a fist. I reach out to it.

"It's alright," I begin as I force out a smile.

Sakura wished for me to be happy and I wanted to believe in that wish, so it's only natural that I do the same for her. Small wishes like that are what make this world turn.

"I'm sorry, if only I…if only I…..," is the beginning of Sakura's explanation that she could not articulate.

I calm myself, even though the conclusion that forms in my head isn't exactly a good one.

"Onii-chan was... ..kidnapped wasn't he?" I ask. There was no body, so he must still be alive. Now there was the question of the culprit. My brother wasn't someone to be kidnapped without a fight and the state of the room heavily implied there was one.

"Saber, put your sword down," is the command I issue.

Saber doesn't hesitate as she slashes at something in the air and my heart skips. Small shards are scattered on the floor as they regain their natural color. I stare at the once transparent pieces of amethyst.

"Tohsaka jewel magecraft…..," is what Saber mutters. As a veteran of the last Holy Grail War 10 years ago, her words are not something to be dismissed. Saber stares at the crude little shadow dolls.

"Your familiars were under an illusion," is the conclusion Saber comes to.

Sakura kneels down and examines the shards too with a complicated expression while biting her lip. An outcome that could have been avoided with the supplement of mundane surveillance cameras.

"Rest assured, there aren't any more, save for whatever is crawling down the stairs," Saber says, but she never dismisses her sword.

"I really am useless," is the comment Sakura makes underneath her breath.

I could feel the vibrations underneath the floorboards. An infestation? Was that why Sakura…. Exiting through a wall or hidden entrance was an unfamiliar old man. Saber quickly pulls me behind her.

"There was a commotion. Is everything alright?" are the words that slip out of the old man.

He should have been unfamiliar, but I know that presence. When I was still in elementary school...the class pet was….

"What were you doing when Tohsaka came?" is the question Sakura poses without an ounce of respect from her tone. The anger at herself was quickly redirected.

"I must be frank my dear granddaughter, I did what you ordered me to. To stay out of your affairs," is the old man's response.

"Despite how you are, are you not still the head of this house?" Sakura protests.

"Doesn't feel like it as of late and it was never something to take pride in the first place. You expect too much of this old man. If Assassin could not have overcome Archer, what were my chances? If only you formed a proper contract, then….ahh... You've certainly grown quite …...arrogant in such a short while," were words with a hint of fear?

Proper contract with Assassin? I take a mental note of it and Saber's hand tightens.

"The same can be said of you just because I brought guests over," is the point Sakura makes.

"The tone you're taking. You certainly have faith in those bonds despite things with the Emiya boy not going so well," is the old man's words I had to ignore for now, but he turns his attention to me.

"I apologize for showing you something unsightly Miss Emiya, but please continue being good friends with my granddaughter because she doesn't really have much in the way of those," are words without sincerity he lets out with a smile on his face as he begins to take his leave.

Despite declaring her as a friend, I sparsely knew anything about her situation at home. She spends so much time in ours that it didn't even cross my mind…..but just like Sakura, her "grandfather" has been watching me for some time, hasn't he?

"How long?" is the question that escapes my mouth.

"Pardon?" is what escapes his mouth as his steps stop in front of the stairs.

From a glance, I could already tell that his body differed from normal people. Though nothing was amiss superficially, his movements were unnatural. The older someone gets, as the skin sags and the joints degrade, the way the skeleton works becomes ever more transparent. Bones do not contact each other directly at the joints, but instead are cushioned with cartilage, synovial membrane and fluid. As one ages, as cartilage degrades, as the fluid dissipates, movements become stiffer, like a wooden puppet on strings. Even as Raiga tries to stand straight, Fuji-nee's grandfather could not truly hide the degradation of bones that comes with age.

This "old man" in front of me had no bones.

His dignified posture made his hunchback seem like nothing more than a parody from my eyes. Structurally, he was like a stuffed plushie of flesh instead of a human being.

"Back in elementary school…," I start, but it was then he corrects me.

"Ever since the fire," is his answer.

The fire 10 years ago? Then that means…..

"Well, at the time I was more concerned about some egg shells….," he admits, but Sakura interrupts him.

"Isn't it time to take your afternoon medicine, grandfather?" were words meant to send him away.

"Why yes, thanks for reminding me. You were always such a good child at heart," were his parting words as he made his way down the steps.

Saber never averts her eyes from the retreating figure.

"He isn't someone you need to worry about. He's simply an old man…..though older than most," are Sakura's words that don't reassure Saber at all. Even so, Saber doesn't say anything. Not a word, but the fact remains.

Sakura's family had been watching mine from the very beginning, but such a fact was obvious. Just like the Einzbern whom my older sister belongs and the Tohsaka who is suspected of kidnapping my brother, the Matou were one of the three families behind the Holy Grail War. There wouldn't be a reason why they wouldn't be putting tabs on me because I'm…..

"Miyu, is Sakura still to be trusted?" is Saber's question that rings out in my head.

"Yes," is my answer.

Sakura is my ally and she wishes for my happiness.

Among the truths I knew about her, that was the most important one. We aren't strangers. We are family. My brother is the same.

He wished for the future. He wished for me to be happy.

He was lost. He was hurting. He was an absolute wreck. Even after losing everything, he still smiled and wished for such a thing. Human beings possess that kind of strength. If he could do that then I ….

"Miyu, you should go back home and make dinner. I already did the prep work for rice porridge since you aren't feeling that well. I promise I'll bring senpai back before Taiga gets back," is the proposition Sakura makes once again with that gentle smile of hers.

"No, I'm coming with you," is the fact I reiterate with no intention of negotiating.

Sakura's smile dampens. She bends her knees so our eyes meet. Saber's hand intercepts Sakura's. Her attempt at flicking my forehead was thwarted.

"You're being awfully stubborn young lady," Sakura lectures me with her offending finger in front of me.

She turns to Saber who was still gripping her arm.

"Don't you agree?" is what she asks of Saber.

"No, the one being stubborn is you. Even if you were the strongest Master with the strongest Servant, facing an enemy that outnumbers you is unwise," is the fact Saber bluntly states.

"I don't see why that matters to you," Sakura says dismissively.

"You don't have to shoulder everything alone," is what I tell her. I understand her sentiments well.

"And you don't need to shoulder things that aren't your fault," is the advice she bounces back.

"I apologize if this is intrusive, but this back and forth isn't getting us anywhere. As a former Tohsaka yourself, is there anything you could divulge about the bounded field that covers the Tohsaka estate?" is the question Saber poses.

Sakura holds her breath at the mention of Tohsaka.

"I'm sorry. I was never properly trained. I was given away after all. If things have changed since then, I don't know anything about it," is what Sakura admits as she shivers.

"You don't have to worry about that, because I have…..this," is the answer I bring forth.

Class Card Caster. Medea of Colchis.

"A skeleton key..card. I can't imagine a bounded field she cannot break," is what I announce.

Sakura places her free hand upon her chest as if in prayer. A cracked smile forms.

"You don't have to force yourself if you don't want to go," were the only words of comfort that I could come up with.

"Thank you, but at least take Rider with you," is the small grace she offers.

Saber glances for a second outside the window. Sakura's stalwart guardian had arrived. Even if she could not best Saber in strength, she did not lose in terms of speed. From the hospital on the other side of the river to this house was no short trek.

Saber refocuses her attention on the shivering girl whose hand she had grasped and gently releases it.

"I must apologize," is the small gesture Saber makes.

"For what?" is the question Sakura asks, genuinely perplexed.

"A knight should not make a maiden cry. It should have dawned on me earlier that you don't have good memories of that house," is the apology Saber makes as she gets on her knees.

"No, no, as a knight, prioritizing senpai's safety over my silly feelings was the right choice," is the apology Sakura makes as her hands flail about.

"It's true that the result is the most important thing. But with that aside, your heart trying to...," were old words I was unable to finish. What did Kiri-father say again?

"I'll…..prepare dinner back at your place. If there's anyone we need to worry about, it's Fujimura-sensei," is the fact Sakura points out with her usual gentle smile.

"That's right, Onii-chan isn't as hopeless," is the fact I point out with a smile of my own.

We go down the stairs and exit the house. Rider was at the entrance waiting for us. Sakura parts ways with us as she goes off to shop for tonight's dinner. With both Saber and Rider at my side, we make our way to the Tohsaka manor. If Sakura's in danger, she still has 2 command spells by which to call Rider to her side in an instant.

The western house on the hill enters my vision. Saber was by my side while Rider was on the other side of the street. If Archer were to target one of us, the other would close the distance with him in an instant. I still had 3 command spells and if worse came to worse, Archer's ultimate defense was also at my disposal.

We make our way slowly, but Archer does not appear. Saber's steps stop.

"Rider, may you please explain why your Master mentioned Assassin as if he was your ally?" is the question Saber had on her mind and mine as well.

"He was for a brief time," was Rider's curt explanation that didn't explain anything.

"Who was the Master?" was Saber's question that Rider answers with silence.

"..."

"Your Master mentioned that her brother doesn't have any magic circuits, yet she also mentioned how Illyasviel had crippled him. There isn't any reason to do so, unless he was a Master himself," is the next point Saber makes.

"He….was a Master. That was what one of Sakura's command spells were used for. The command spells were ultimately a system devised by that….old…. man...in the first place," was Rider's lengthier explanation.

"Does that suffice?" is Rider's own question for Saber.

"It will for now," is Saber's answer as she scans the roof tops.

Even if I was friendly with Sakura, there was no reason why Rider wouldn't be suspicious of me just as Saber was suspicious of Sakura.

The house on the hill becomes larger with every step we take, but Archer was nowhere in sight. We could sense no Servants even as we reached the border of the bounded field.

"Install:Caster."

I blow it away like a birthday cake candle.

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The famous "haunted house" was vermin free it seemed. Its dilapidated exterior did not match the interior. Unlike Sakura's house, there were signs of people living here and they did not skimp out on housework.

The house was not just for show.

It may have been nothing more than a forward base, but the books and the gems were quite the items to be simply left out in the open. Maybe that's the confidence they placed in the bounded field alone? I could not sense any signs of life unless small little statues carved from amethyst or the "eyes" scattered on the wooden floorboards and beams. Well, under Caster's gaze, they weren't anything but ornaments, but they knew that, which was why they burst apart themselves once I was aware of their presence so I could not trace them. The workshop didn't contain anything noteworthy. Between Caster's worldview and my modern one, it looked absolutely archaic. Though our family doesn't have a right to judge. In an era with e-mail, seeing an ancestor to the fax machine was quite the curiosity.

I dismiss Caster's robes as I exit the house.

Saber and Rider were finished with their respective searches and couldn't find any clues throughout the neighborhood.

My brother was nowhere in sight. My heart beats.

Rin and Illyasviel must have established a base of operations somewhere else. We search the city, but we find no leads. The temple, the school and the entirety of Miyama, we could not find a thing. I half expected Archer to be waiting for us on the Fuyuki Bridge as the sky became dark, but he wasn't there and part of me wished he was. At least I would know I was getting warmer.

My phone rings and I check the ID. Fuji-nee?

"Miyu! Where are you? Where is everybody? Shirou isn't here. Sakura isn't here. They aren't picking up their phones either. I called Sakura's grandfather, but he doesn't know…" she talks without stopping.

My heart tightens. It seems I made the same mistake twice in a row. Even so, I couldn't let Fuji-nee's heart tighten too. She still hasn't completely recovered despite how she acts.

"Sakura…..invited my brother to…," I begin, not sure what I should have been saying at that moment. I compose my voice as best I can hoping she can't sense the quivering.

"R-really? Ohoho. Well, they are that age now….as a teacher I should…..well, I guess I was worried over nothing, so are you coming back for dinner?" she asks.

"You just want someone to cook for you don't you?" as I pinpoint her intent, but I knew she was genuinely trying to be nice.

"Well, something came up and," as I try to formulate an explanation.

"You're 10. Kids shouldn't be breaking curfew and with what's going on these past few days even adults are staying inside," she points out.

"Don't worry, Saber is with me," I point out. Those welts Saber gave her must have been fresh on her mind, more so than the condition of her heart it seemed.

"Anyways, how's your heart?"

"Didn't even leave a scar. Did you use some special antibiotic gel that the hospitals don't want anyone to know about?" is the wild theory Fuji-nee makes.

"Wait a minute. Don't change the subject! Where are you?" is the question Fuji-nee asks.

"Catching a thief. Someone broke into Sakura's house...," is the partial truth I answer with.

"So, after 10 years, they strike again. Guess I'll stop by Sakura's house then. I'm a veteran when it comes to these things, so I'll help you," she insists.

"Your grandfather told you not to do anything reckless," I scold her.

"But, there really isn't a scar!" she insists.

"I'll have your allowance cut," is the threat I make.

"You d-don't have…," is her disbelief.

"You want to test it out?"

"Fine, but come back soon," is what she ends the call with.

I take a deep breath. I turn to Rider. Just like Saber and I, Rider was linked to Sakura. If Sakura was indeed in danger, there was no doubt Rider would know about it, but Rider had simply stayed quiet all this time. Logically, if Sakura was in danger, Rider would have ditched us without warning.

"Is Sakura alright?" I ask Rider anyways just to be sure.

"My Master is alright. She's a strong girl. Stronger than you know," is her answer I would have to accept for now.

I contemplated pushing further, but the important thing was that Sakura was safe. Rider was still suspicious of us, so I shouldn't do anything drastic. I would have to be satisfied with that. Sakura is safe. That is the fact I repeat in my head. Rin wasn't a bad person. If she was willing to save a stranger, she wouldn't be able to hurt Sakura. Sakura is just as gentle. I should have nothing to worry about. Illyasviel…...Illyasviel….. Onii-chan is the strongest person I know and Rin is with her. There's no point in worrying. I wouldn't be able to face my brother or Sakura if I ruined myself for something stupid. I didn't have an explanation for Fuji-nee if that became the case. I take another breath. I try to collect my thoughts. I lay out my next actions, focusing on the immediate future.

I stare at the sky and the time on my phone.

It was supposed to be dinner time at this hour, but our fridge was nearly empty ever since Saber came into our lives. If we went to a restaurant, how big a bill would Saber rack up herself. I walk down the shopping district with Saber behind me and Rider scouting ahead in her spiritual form. As we walk down the shopping district with the intent of stockpiling groceries, a pungent odor assaults my nose.

"What's that smell?" is the question Saber asks.

The pungent spice of chili peppers on top of chili peppers.

"Koushuuensaiken: Taizan's Mapo Tofu?" is what I remember.

There was a period of time where I made it my mission to visit every single restaurant in the city. To experience all the different flavors in order to hone my own cooking. My stomach rumbles. I hadn't eaten lunch and neither had Saber.

Saber looks towards the sign with utmost curiosity. In the era Saber lived in, spicy foods were rare, even for a king. That pungent smell, must have been otherworldly, or netherworldly as my brother described it. Maybe Saber's appetite can be curbed.

We go in and witness something netherworldly. Even Saber is shocked.

"Hm?" is what the priest mutters. A man of god dining on the netherworldly.

He pays no heed to me or Saber. He simply continues to eat chili oil disguised as mapo tofu. He takes no rest, even as he swelters. Was this an act of penance?

"So you come here too? Did you come here to extort answers out of me when I'm off duty? Extra command spells perhaps?" is the accusation he makes without stopping his spoon.

"Or do you want some?" is his next question directed at the curious Saber.

"Miyu?" she whispers in my head.

"He may know something useful," is what I tell her through our unseen connection.

Saber hesitates for a moment, but proceeds to take a seat. She answers his challenge armed with a spoon and meets it beautifully. Kotomine's own spoon stops for a moment.

"I can't imagine you three are just stopping by to have dinner, but I invite you to dinner nonetheless," the priest concludes.

I was contemplating whether I should reveal what had happened these past few days. I take a seat and a spoon as well. The priest was staring at me from across the table. It's rude not to accept another's invitation. He may have the lead I'm looking for, so I'll entertain him.

"Here's your mapo tofu aru!" was the signal to my ordeal.

I stare at it. There will be many challenges that lay ahead, but first I needed to eat. I take a bite. A heresy to Sichuan food. The spice is so overpowering, it is the only thing I can taste, if spice itself could be called a flavor. Sweet, salty, sour, bitter and umami were the 5 basic tastes mediated by our taste receptors. Spice does nothing but stimulate the somatosensory fibers on our tongue like boiling tea would. If the purpose of this dish was to educate diners on that fact, then it gets 5 stars.

A spoon is slammed on the table.

"So, the world of food was this vast….," is the epiphany Saber reaches as she stares into her empty bowl.

A Servant is an order of magnitude more durable than a normal human. How did the spice affect her? I turn to the side. Rider was staying out of the whole affair with her spiritual form that normal humans could not perceive.

The priest puts his hands together to grab my attention. Was he angry at Saber?

"Did you come seeking guidance?" is what he asks of me.

"..."

"Well, the ones closest to you are the ones you should distrust the most. They tend to have the most biased view after all," is his small tidbit of advice that isn't unnoticed by Saber.

I say nothing and simply nod. My tongue was inflamed after all. He lets out a sigh as beads of sweat roll down his face. Saber continues to vigilantly watch us even as she downs a second bowl.

"How odd? If it was your father, he would have avoided this outcome at all costs," is what he casually mentions.

"Considering you have no Servant with you, I would have to disagree," is the point Saber makes, but the priest simply ignores her, squarely focused on me.

My mouth slowly recovers.

"Did you hate my father?"

"That's putting it lightly. We could not ignore each other. Each and every thing he did made me angry. We were opposites I suppose. He was someone who could not forgive death, but he killed people in order to save more people," was the truth my brother would never say outright. Saber grimances for a moment.

"To create a world of eternal peace where no one suffers," was his goal for living I repeat. My brother already told me countless times to the point I can't parse between dreams and memories.

"Childish isn't it? Such a world is impossible, yet cornered by that impossibility, he sought the Holy Grail to fulfill his dream in his place. Quite irresponsible of him, don't you agree?" were his words and his eyes that bore into mine.

"Irresponsible yes, but I don't think his dream was childish and aren't you supposed to be a priest?" I argue.

"You yourself are a child, so that isn't a compelling argument," is his counter.

"My Master doesn't act enough like a child," is Saber's counter.

"She's nothing but a child," is the priest's unyielding conclusion.

His eyes turn towards me and burrow deep from above.

"You are still a child. You said that your wish was granted in that life of yours, but that is backwards. Wishes are born only by living. Someone may have wished for you to be born, but that is not your own wish. Wishes are not passed from parent to child like what some old magi like to believe. Children pick and choose the parts they like from the wishes of their predecessors as they develop their own. Wishes lose merit with the passage of time you must understand. There was a time when people wished for genocide in order to recover Holy Ground. So tell me. Did you finally discover what you alone are wishing for?" is the question he repeats from our last meeting.

"People…..wished for my happiness and I wish to honor that wish," is the first thing that comes to mind.

"Happiness huh? What does it even mean?" is the question he poses to both of us.

"To gather around the dinner table, knowing that no one is missing," was the small wish I was harboring this morning.

"How ordinary," is the comment the priest makes.

"I am ordinary."

"The mere fact you have to state such a thing disqualifies you, don't you think?" is his attack.

I ponder for a moment and take in the atmosphere around me.

"Well, you seem to be enjoying dinner with us," is my rebuttal.

The priest pauses as he realizes he had been smiling this entire time. He stands up returning Saber's gaze.

"The Einzbern Castle is located out in the outskirts of Miyama. Your Servant should know the place well," was the answer he knew I was after, but that simply raised more questions. I turn to Saber, but she simply resigns herself.

"Well, I pray your journey turns out more fruitful than mine. Enjoy the beautiful evening," are his parting words as he leaves us with the bill.

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The cold night hadn't ended yet and a part of me wished it would stay like that forever. I grip the scarf that adorned my shoulders that protected me from the eyes of others. Something I never needed as a child. It seemed like my coat was scratched up in places courtesy of those pesky trees in that little forest. The cold air caresses my skin.

The neighborhood streets were as empty as the forest itself. All the grocery stores had closed early. It was only natural for ordinary folk to hide in their homes from people like me. The gas explosions, the mysterious hospilizations and string of murders of today were no different from what had transpired just ten years ago. I wasn't the only one who suffered 10 years ago. Just ten years ago, a serial killer roamed the streets. Just ten years ago, a terrorist had blown up a hotel. Just ten years ago, entire families were burned to ash.

After that farce, what had remained?

I stood in front of the Emiya gate.

"I'm home."

It was then that the gate opened, but it wasn't Miyu or Fujimura-sensei that greeted me.

It was Rider.

I stare up taking her features into view. Beauty that was undeniable even as a mask hid her most dangerous weapons. Honestly, long lavender hair was all we had in common despite the difference in shade and mine wasn't originally that color. I wasn't sure what connection she had to that old mirror grandfather had given me, but staring at her, I certainly wasn't looking into one.

Staring attentively at us from the entrance was Saber.

A proud beautiful knight, though a little on the petite side. In her case at least, the idea of Servants matching their summoner seemed to hold some truth. She was still apprehensive about us as she saw fit to encase herself in steel.

"Miss Knight?"

"It's dangerous to be alone at night, especially for a young lady. Please consider my Master's feelings in the future," is the small lecture she gives me. There was an odd bite to her words I couldn't quite place. It couldn't be chinese food could it? Did they have takeout? I couldn't argue against it in any case. I'm not a good girl afterall.

Despite that, Saber didn't pry about what I was doing. It was clear to me she wanted to say more, but she had stopped herself. No matter how great they were in life, even if they were literal kings and queens, they were only "Servants".

I step forward, but Saber doesn't move from her spot.

"Did you have trouble buying groceries today?" was that one little fact she did not overlook.

"Why yes I did, but for a glutton, it seems you still don't understand your position," I whisper.

All relationships are built on give and take. There's no such thing as unconditional love; only unspoken contracts. As kind, brave, loyal and beautiful as they had been in life, every Servant that answered the call did so to fulfill their own desires. Her eyes were for the Grail like every other Servant. While Heroic Spirits could be seen as weapons the Masters fought with, Masters themselves were merely tools to anchor them to the living world. Funny how it's usually the dead that weigh down the living.

The knight endures my words as she slowly moves aside, but her eyes never leave me as I walk into our home.

"I hope you don't forget yours," was the advice she gives to me.

I enter the hall. I place my shoes between Miyu's and Fujimura-sensei's. Of course his shoes wouldn't be here.

"Sakura, welcome home," Miyu calls out as she puts down her book. Greek Mythology...

In the center of the living room, she sat on her knees next to our little dinner table in her little bear onesie with Fujimura-sensei asleep across from her. She must have ran herself ragged. The supposed adult was sleeping while drooling, yet the child was still awake. On the table was a single portion rice porridge with a plate with sliced pork liver topped with spring onions on the side. The same rice porridge I had started preparing in the morning.

"Y-you made breakfast for me this morning so I…," were her own words she fumbled over. She probably wanted to ask me about what I was doing these past few hours, but we both knew she wasn't someone who prys. Well, it wasn't like I could say anything with Taiga around.

I take my seat. I stare at the unoccupied seat in front of me before turning my gaze downwards to my bowl. Something that would go down easy even if one was feeling unwell…..the irony….

People who are loved have the responsibility of proving themselves worthy of the love they receive lest they lose it. The ugliest people in this world are those that betray that responsibility and are fated to die alone. At least, that was the fate of the adults I knew.

I didn't want to grow up into an adult like that, but…..for Miyu…..

I steal a glance into those amber eyes that were like his. No, hers were purer and brighter. Something precious I needed to protect. Without him here, it was hard to meet those eyes. They were harder to meet than his.

I stare at the bowl in front of me. Topped with green onions and ginger slivers for that small little bite. Taking the ceramic spoon, I navigate the smooth textures. Creamy century eggs meld with the soft grains. A warmness invades my mouth and my heart. The tartness from tangerine peels and the faint sweetness of goji berries. I add the slices of cooked liver and the savoriness becomes almost overbearing. Overcooking liver was a sin of any chef as it would become like rubber if left too long in heat, but she avoided that issue by cooking it separately.

She knew I would break my promise, that I would be late for dinner. She had already eaten out if Saber's breath was any indication. I wasn't there for her. Neither was he.

The precious child in front of me deserves to be happy, but the smile on her face right now was fake. I told myself that the sadness she was feeling right now was necessary for her to grow. I knew it was painful, but Miyu had to understand that Illyasviel was no good just like those other nosy brats that tried to cling to her years ago.

After all, Illyasviel took him away and will only continue taking things from us to make us sad.

It was a lesson I needed her to learn for her own sake. Nothing had changed over the years. Reasoning like that…...maybe I truly was grandfather's granddaughter.

Those pure eyes continue to stare at me. I told myself I wanted to protect those eyes, but the glistening shine told me otherwise. The cruel truth was that I was hurting her for my own sake.

"Even after all these years, maybe I would be better off prepping the ingredients for you two and never touching the stove."

"That's not true…..it's just that extended exposure to a stimulus such as food during the cooking process naturally decreases the psychological and behavioral responses to it when you finally get to taste it," was her textbook answer.

"Food always tastes better when someone else makes it…..." was my translation. When I first started cooking, he would say how cooking was all about love. When I was younger, I thought he was full of it to be honest. Fujimura-sensei's cooking simply reinforced that view. Unlike them, I had no love in me back then.

"That's right…..," as the sleeping school teacher mumbles in her sleep. Well, you're the exception.

Rider and Saber were still watching me from behind. Was I ever so popular before? While they had their eyes on me, I continued to watch the one in front of me.

As I finish up my meal, the little cub puts her hands on my bowl. I wrap my hands around hers.

"We can leave the dishes for later," I say.

Even after ditching her and Saber earlier today, she hasn't given up on me. It was more than I deserved, but that was exactly why I had to show myself in front of her. I had to apologize. For the things I have done and the things I will continue to do.

"Rider, could you please carry Fujimura-sensei to the guest room?" I asked my Servant, but Saber butts in.

"Leave it to me instead," Saber commands. Whether Saber did so because she trusted me or distrusted Rider was irrelevant.

As Saber leaves the room with Taiga in her arms with Rider following closely behind, I was alone with Miyu. I tightened my grip as I prepared the words I needed to say.

"I'm sorry….. I wasn't able to bring him back like I had promised."

"It's fine. The overseer gave me a lead," was the truth I didn't want to hear from her.

The overseer, that "priest" was someone grandfather was wary of. It was a few years ago I learned why. That church was a place "he" frequently visited. Miyama wasn't a place I could walk around freely as long as "he" reigned over it. The ace I carried had almost become a death sentence. Even though he appointed me his "gardener", if I showed myself before him too much, he would kill me for certain.

I organize my thoughts which were in dissaray.

"What did he tell you?"

The small girl in front of me musters up her courage, but I could sense her hesitation.

"N-nothing Saber didn't already know," was her roundabout answer.

She was the one keeping something from me for a change. Quite a convenient thing. I wished to keep her away from the fighting, but wishes are wishes because they aren't reality.

"If you don't think I'm useful, then at the very least, please continue to take Rider with you."

The air stirs. The Servants had returned. How I miss the days when it was just us four. I could feel Saber's displeasure from behind me, but she doesn't say a thing. Neither does Rider. It was something I couldn't overlook. I stare at the wilting flower etched upon the back of my hand. It was a simple decision really I should have made earlier.

I raise my hand and announce, "By my command spell, Rider, protect Miyu as your utmost priority."

The air became still for a moment and as I stared at my hand again, only a single petal remained. It was something I had to do in that pesky knight's presence for things to flow smoothly.

"Is that good enough, Miss Knight?"

"Sakura that's…," was a sentence Miyu didn't know how to finish. I grasp at my heart, one hand over the other in order to muster my next words.

"It's alright. Even though I wasn't helpful to you, I can attest Rider will be. Don't hesitate to use her for whatever you need. She's a lot more cooperative than Saber is."

"Is that a wise decision, Master of Rider?" was Saber's attack on me. It appears my little gesture was not enough for her.

"You wouldn't trust Rider if I didn't do such a thing. You must have been wary of her all afternoon. I simply gifted you some peace of mind with no strings attached. I hope we'll all get along in the future for Miyu's sake."

Saber doesn't speak up. I take her silence as confirmation. It was funny how the least trustworthy of Servants would be a knight in shining armor.

"Then what about you?" was the concern Miyu shows for me.

"As strange as they can be, the Masters and Servants we have met so far were all civil people at heart. We can both trust Tohsaka-senpai not to attack me at least."

Perhaps cowardice ran in our blood.

"Illya….she…," was the name Miyu had to stop herself from saying.

"It's nothing," she mutters trying her best to smile while I do my best to do the same.

"I'm sure this farce will end soon."

I already knew what had transpired between her and Miyu in this house from the beginning. I helped clean this house on a weekly basis so scratches that had disappeared recently or a stray white hair could not escape my eyes. That girl had certainly attacked Miyu in this very house and Miyu had tried covering it up. Senpai too. Their meeting on the rooftop only confirmed it as it certainly wasn't their first. I wouldn't have tried punishing her if I wasn't certain about that fact.

"It will?" Miyu asks.

"Isn't that a wish anyone would make?"

The quicker things end, the quicker we can move back to where we were. Back when we all could talk to each other without reservations. I stare at the final petal. It was the same back then. The only difference now was that I was in the fight…..

Before the sun rises, before Taiga wakes, I watch two figures spar in the dojo. An invisible sword in Saber's hands and a red spear in Miyu's. Lancer's weapon? The red spear weaved playfully, but it was with the playfulness of a predator. Dowsing for any weakness while wearing down the target, but Saber wasn't simple prey. Saber was doing the same every time she parried that cursed heart-seeking point. Certainly, the real Lancer would be more skillful and fiercer, but this was good exercise for when Saber meets the genuine article.

Saber's sword stops short of Miyu's neck as I clutch the handle of the tea kettle. I was tempted to strike her down, but I was someone who endures. Saber steals a glance at me before returning to the small girl who had dismissed Lancer's astral garb with sweat dripping down her brow. I steal a glance at my scalding hand.

Rider watches with me intently with a towel in her hands just as Saber was watching us in the corner of her eye with a sword in hers.

Saber, Archer and Rider were the only other cards Miyu had brought to bear, but I knew for a fact she had a set of 7 including Illyasviel's Berserker. It was hard to dismiss how each card corresponded to the very Servants summoned for this particular Holy Grail War. A doting father stacking the deck for his favorite child? I dismiss grandfather's little slight from my mind as I pour a cup of tea and approach her with it in my hands.

"It's one thing to wake up early, but please promise me you'll stay hydrated."

"Thank you, Sakura," were her words as she receives the cup. As she smiled, sunlight started to enter the dojo.

The day had just begun.

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Matou Sakura was no stranger to lies. The starless night sky hung above her and the cool air caresses her lonely cheeks. For her, the sky held no stars, but in front of the people that mattered, she would always lie. The more a person mattered to her, the more she lied to them. She was far from alone in that regard as her own summoned Servant stands in her way.

"You have seen the life I have led, so you must know what we both treasure is the same. You saw how that life ended. I am your ally, that's why I'll protect her, even from you."

There were always things that stood in Sakura's way.

"That's adorable, but I'll be perfectly honest with you Rider. I only kept you around as an alibi in front of Miyu. That's all you're good for, but you couldn't even accomplish that."

Rider does not falter at these words because the lonely woman of the Shapeless Isle was the same. People shouldn't give up on what they want to be, but life is often disappointing. People don't choose to be born, where, when, how or to whom. The path of the living is a painfully narrow one, but that's why the few choices people can make should matter.

Onlookers couldn't help but stare at the beautiful bespectacled foreigner who was standing motionless in the middle of the street. They were naturally drawn to her jewel-like eyes that hid behind protective glass. Sakura was used to being ignored, but Sakura could not tolerate the look of those gems that refused to ignore her as if scolding her.

All magi pursue the truths of this world, but Sakura's family had none to spare for her. Only the eldest of the Tohsaka sisters had that right. Succession, inheritance, legacies and elegance were things Sakura did not understand, but she had to smile in front of her father's passions. That was what her mother had done. That was what her older sister had done. Sakura could not be the odd one out. Even now, she could not understand at all the elegance her father pursued unlike her older sister, but what she and her sister wished for back then was real. The two only wished to make their parents happy like a lot of children did.

Children like that should be rewarded, but love was one of those things that did not follow the law of equivalent exchange.

Sakura's new grandfather was all too eager to teach her cruel truths, cruel squirming truths. Her lying uncle taught her the sin of weakness. Her new father taught her the benefits of apathy. Her new pitiful brother taught her the futility of dreams. Every encounter in her life taught her something. Her summoned Servant was no different. This betrayal was expected.

The world began in darkness and it will end in darkness as all lights eventually fade, but life resists. The blanket of reality snuffs out the dimming glimmer of childhood dreams, but that's why someone had to protect them. Ultimately, what she and Shirou fought for was the same. Miyu could not lose what they both had already lost, but because she was ignorant of what she could lose, that small girl was heading off to her own destruction. Sakura would not stand for such a thing.

The young woman glares at the over familiar outsider. A small crowd naturally formed around them as they faced each other. A crowd of faceless bystanders were quick to pull out their bricks of silicon, plastic and metal. No one else that mattered would show up at this point. Sakura had accepted from the start that no hero would answer her summons. There was no hero to come and grant her wishes. It was too late for her, but the spirit in front of her that answered the call tried to act as one.

That was why she can't be forgiven.

People did not need gods that won't grant their wishes. Sakura did not need a Servant that won't heed her commands. A failed protectress that couldn't protect anything on the Shapeless Isle wasn't worth praying to. She did not need random extras meddling in her world. Salvation isn't something that will ever be granted to her, so she had to take it for herself.

The power in her pocket calls out to her. A hero grasps victory and a monster wallows in defeat. That is the ultimate difference between them.

"Install."

Love, anger and sorrow seep into her heart, running through her veins. The power of a king floods her system and marks her bare skin in red angular pathways. With hands adorned in gold, she sweeps away her pale hair and calls upon the arsenal that didn't belong to here. All the gazes on Rider shift towards the proxy king.

"Are they filming a movie?" a man whispers.

Rider bites her lip as she prepares herself for the inevitable disaster that will unfold.

"Gate of Babylon."

An arsenal that contained all of humanity's power, past and future assembles into small army without soldiers that glittered in the night, but there are powers outside of mankind. Rider splatters her own blood onto the pavement with a patter, casting off her inhibitions and calling upon a power that did not belong to mankind.

From the blood, with the body of a horse, the wings of a bird and the power of a dragon, a phantasmal beast rises once more into a foreign world.

"A Pegasus?" one onlooker gawks.

"It's no bull," Sakura muses.

Golden chains and gilded instruments converge on Sakura's command. Rider with her stead takes to the dark heavens above the shadows crawling on the ground, but the shadows were never meant for Rider.

Across the stained concrete, modern treasures of glass and silicon are smashed against ancient ones of gold. The vision and thoughts of ordinary people are swept away by shadow. The master of the shadows was never taught any sophisticated methods when it came to separating the mundane and the mystical. At the very least, she was more merciful than her "grandfather". At the very least, most of her victims got to wake up from the nightmare they'll actively choose to forget.

History has shown that supernatural powers are unnecessary to erase history when fear, force and apathy are good enough.

With golden chains in her hands, Sakura's gaze did not avert from the starless sky for a moment. Only one thing in the sky was shining brightly. Sakura couldn't look away, but Rider did not take advantage of that. To the girl who was belittled her entire life, Rider could only be making fun of her.

"The victors are always righteous and blood is the cost of victory. Bloodshed without victory is just the worthless work of monsters," was Sakura's warning.

As long as Sakura obtained victory by any means, she was no monster. That was truth she held close to her heart. She would only concern herself with the thoughts of the people that mattered. To protect everything that mattered to her, she had to be stronger than anyone else. If the gorgon in the sky refused to think in the same way, then it could only be good fortune. All that mattered was catching up to Miyu in order to protect the young girl from the ugly truths she was seeking. Sakura had to protect those pure eyes from cursed sights including her own truth.

"Vimana," the proxy king calls upon a gilded craft with emerald wings.

Sakura only needed to escape, but as she reached out for her ride, her movements were sealed by chains outside of her command. With monstrous strength, the chains dug into her soft flesh, but such pain wasn't anything new.

"Mongrel," Sakura grumbles.

The chains of steel begin to rust away in Sakura's shadow and chains of gold adorn themselves on Vimana's hull. As Sakura reaches for the golden throne, the heat burns her hand. The mercury fuel had already been boiled away, but Sakura continues to push forward. Nothing will escape the young woman's grasp.

"No matter how fast light is, no matter where it travels, shadows are always there first, waiting."

Emiya Miyu was no stranger to lies. She had lived her entire life in a narrow world. Even if that world expanded across Fuyuki, nothing had really changed for her. Above her were the same moon and the same night sky. When she was smaller, her brother, her father and even Taiga would sometimes tell her stories at bedtime. What they did with their time after she fell asleep was still a mystery to her. Those days had long passed, but she herself continued to read story books. It was necessary for gaining knowledge, but some stories remain completely nonsensical for her.

There were stories of kappa in the Mion River that could be bribed with cucumbers. There were stories of objects gaining sentience after 100 years of existence. Apparently there were people with extendable necks which may or may not be made of rubber, which contradicted her biology textbooks that had a name for every ligament in the spine. There were also stories about ghosts with grudges, hog-fathers, tooth fairies and child-like house spirits that granted good luck. Taiga once mistook her for the last one. Even if these tales remained illogical, every myth had a basis. Every lie has a deliberate reason.

Such was the truth she was forced to confront in the past few days.

King Arthur had hid her gender from her kingdom because in those days, on the isles under siege by Anglo-Saxons, only a man could become king. Only a man could wield royal authority and she could not protect anything as a maiden. The young girl who took up the sword from the stone thought of nothing but what she needed to become even if the foundation was a lie.

Lies aren't inherently malicious, but Miyu always had misgivings about them. She reassures herself of the point of being out at night like her brother used to do. The church on the hill built upon secrets beckons her and Saber follows closely behind step by step.

For the once future king, the small figure in front of her was a painful sight. In a small way, she now understood what her knights must have felt. Something told her that she wasn't someone that belonged on the battlefield, but no one really is. The battlefield was no place for people to live. People were good at deceiving others, but they were best at deceiving themselves.

"Do you resent people from keeping things from you?" the knight asks.

The small girl had already pondered the same question long ago.

"I'm not familiar with that feeling, but I always lived in a narrow world. I can't say I was unhappy and I know now that they were measures in order to protect me," the small girl confesses, "but the people who protected me up until now are not here, so it's my turn to protect them."

The knight knows the sentiment well and accepts that the world hasn't changed. The people under her reign and the people she met in the Holy Grail wars deserved better. The once future king always fell short of the task and the confidence she once possessed in her youth had naturally chipped away. While in pursuit of the Holy Grail, there were times where she wondered if things would have turned out better if she was never born...

"That's why I'm thankful you are here with me, Saber," were Miyu's honest words.

"...I am your sword. That is the oath that was made when I answered your summons, even if summoning me was not your intent."

Nobody in this world is alone. Nobody in this world is unnecessary, but there are no shortages of people who fail to become what they wish to be. There are no shortages of people who fail to become what they need to be. People fall and people rise again. That is what it means to chase the Holy Grail. That is what it means to chase happiness. Utopia is ever distant. Nothing had changed. It was just another night, in a chase without end, but the moon reassures them. Striving endlessly, flesh and blood humans were able to land on the moon. Modern magi choose to believe that the world peaked long ago, but what worth were the opinions of those who shut off themselves from the world in the first place?

The church on the hill overseen by the moon beckons them.

Kotomine Kirei was a simple man who craved spice and despised blandness, which was why he was the worst sort of person to be chosen to oversee the Holy Grail War, let alone be a priest. Encountering him once again and sharing a meal with him from the same table, neither Master nor Servant could think of him as a stranger, but that made him all the more dangerous. In those few hours spent scouring the city for Shirou, was the priest enjoying the evening or was he waiting for them? For this entire night, they were moving as that man had wished and likely still were, but there was no other path in the chase.

"Install: Saber."

The pair clad themselves in Arthurian steel, steeling their hearts as they rush past the unguarded gates. They rush past the unguarded church doors. They rush past the evidence of Caster's assault that had long been destroyed. Only moonlight was guiding them as they reached the chapel. No priest and no worshippers, but that did not mean no one was there. The wind was their ally and the air wasn't exactly still.

It was always faint, breaths too large for mice, breathing of those on death's door.

From makeshift operating tables and bloody battlefields, the sound was something the invading pair was familiar with in one way or the other. Following the ominous sound and an even more ominous smell, Miyu and Saber descend into darkness, down the spiral steps.

The underworld waits.

In a place without moonlight, their eyes adjust with a flare of arcane energy. The gentle shadows around them are banished by the harsh light and all that remained were ugly truths. The small magus reaches her hand out and connects with the walls. Overgrown moss dotted the walls; leaking water fell from the ceiling and the corpses outside their coffins.

"Trace On."

No, if only they were corpses. Living bodies without limbs were arranged in rows just like a plot of farmland. Life converted into pure arcane fuel is channelled into a basin. Miyu wanted to disappear, but she could not avert her senses that bombarded her from all sides. That was the promise she made to herself when her father passed away. Nothing is more terrifying than the feeling of utter helplessness, but that helplessness was something all life contends with. She had already accepted the nature of the Holy Grail War and steeled herself to face horrible truths. Truths her brother had been bearing alone all this time.

The tragedy that defined the starting point of her life wasn't something she could recall very well. Few can say they remember the day they were born and those few that do are probably lying. The past is nothing more than a shared consensus from a network of memories. For those in the field of anthropology, the past is always changing.

The human body is a poorly designed piece of equipment. Vertebrate eyes are wired with cables circling back into the retina, creating a blind spot. By contrast, cephalopods have eyes that are wired correctly. Despite these flaws, the brain is notoriously good at smoothing out noise in an image.

From her biology textbooks, the small girl already knew that senses were nothing more than an illusion the brain creates. An illusion created from data collected by questionably designed measuring instruments as one would learn as cold mapo tofu hits the tongue, registering heat that isn't there. That was the logic Miyu uses to steel her heart, but that was why she already lost.

Among the living corpses, there was one with familiar shade of hair. Among the living corpses, there was a vaguely familiar face. Among the living corpses, there was one free of rot though emancipated like the rest with no muscle tone to speak of. Among the living corpses the small girl's eyes were drawn to eyes that were very much like hers, except they were lifeless amber.

"O-onii-chan?"

It does not respond to her voice. She puts her hand upon its shoulder to confirm its substance, but stops herself from shaking it. Nothing was reflected in those hollow eyes. She had taught herself how to fix a broken body, but what was in front of her wasn't broken. The thing in front of her still breathed at steady pace.

It was simply a living corpse designed to continue living.

The small girl does not know how to process the scene before her. In a sense, she had returned to the way she was in her childhood. Before she drifts away, Saber's stern grip latches onto her and as if commanding her bluntly states,

"It isn't him."

There are many times a king cannot afford to be gentle. Knowing the difference is what separates tyrants from kings. What she knew intuitively was the unfortunate soul in front of them could not be Emiya Shirou.

"No, she should be the best judge of that my dear wife to be."

Twirling in the darkness, a piece of cloth takes the shape of a fetching hat as it is adorned on a head of golden locks. Blue light cascades down on a handsomely smug face. The presence of a demi-god is difficult to conceal without a powerful artefact, but when it came to those, the ruler of Uruk was in no short supply.

"Arch...Gilgamesh," was Saber's frustration as she readies here blade. He wasn't anything like the other Archer.

"So you've finally uncovered my name silly woman. It's not much of a reception, but you wouldn't mind if we held our wedding here would you, Saber?" were the tyrant's words far removed from the reality that permeated the catacombs.

Gilgamesh wasn't alone. Waiting in the darkness was the very person who led them down this path.

"In the name of our loving god, father, son and the Holy Spirit, set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is strong as death, passion fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, a raging flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it," was the voice of the smiling priest.

Kotomine Kirei was no stranger to lies. For most of his early life, he had lived one. He tried to live as a beautiful soul, but alas nothing in this world was more painfully ugly than the truth. As hard as he tried, he could not change who he was at his core. The path of the living is a painfully narrow one and after a life of endless battle, after relishing in an unquenchable fire, he finally chose to accept who he was, but that did not mean he was at peace. At the very least, he could proudly say, he was someone who loved humanity.

"Enough of your games," Saber shouts, but that angelic voice was nothing more than music to him and the ancient king.

"That's what this Holy Grail War has always been, Saber," was the king's decree.

Saber had her blade drawn, but she already knew the outcome. Nothing has changed in 10 years. The King of Heroes was not an enemy she could defeat head on, yet her current Master wasn't even looking at the enemy. The child's eyes were still affixed to the empty husk.

"It still seems you are too preoccupied with babysitting that little princess. Would you like me to relieve you both of your burdens?" was the proposal of the Babylonian King.

The knight pays no mind to the one making advances. Her senses were squarely focused on the priest who remained in the back.

"So, you were the final Master 10 years ago. I take it, Lancer is your Servant too," the knight cuts to the chase.

"Knowing all that and you still decided to rummage through the House of God. Were you able to find the Holy Grail, Once and Future King?"

"Your reputation certainly precedes you. No, the truth is far worse," the knight speaks of the nightmare around them.

Gilgamesh couldn't contain his irritation.

"Such a worthless thing, but that's something the little princess knows better than anyone," were the words Gilgamesh spits out in Miyu's direction.

The small girl who pushed herself to come here had overestimated her reach. She had told herself that she was prepared for anything when it came to the people that mattered. No matter what skills she honed or special abilities she possessed from birth, she was still a sheltered child. The longer the truths were withheld from her, greater the fall her heart takes.

She was supposed to be the thing that snuffed out the unquenchable flames 10 years ago. Kirei takes the small girl into view. It was disappointing how quickly she broke after a 10 year wait, but the lips still quivered as she continued to stare at the living doll that wasn't her brother. There was still some fun to be had.

"It was odd. In that hospital 10 years ago, there was a boy who shared his face, his hair and his blood, but your brother ignored him completely. To be fair, that thing is nothing more than a doll. It has never spoken up or reacted to anything, though I hoped you weren't the type of child to cry so easily. Maybe you truly are Emiya's daughter," the priest recounts.

The small girl does not respond just like the doll in front of her, but Saber does.

"You certainly have too much time on your hands, preparing a fake of all things."

Gilgamesh raises a brow at the word.

"He speaks the truth Saber. As much of an eyesore that thing is, it's no fake. From this world's perspective, it's more real than the faker you know."

Kirei's smile only widens trying hard not to laugh.

"You two came here seeking the truths that boy had been keeping to himself and yet you shy away from it when it's revealed?"

Saber does not avert her gaze at the pair making light of them.

"The Magus Killer tried adopting both boys, but the boy you know vehemently denied it. They even had the same fingerprints, so they weren't mere twins. Certainly the Magus Killer ran into issues during adoption, but I smoothed out everything for them in the end. A magus adopting one too many usually draws too much unwanted attention. I never got his thanks."

Water continued to leak, but not all of it came from the ceiling above. The tears of a small girl could not be stopped nor could Kirei's laughter.

"You should be overjoyed Master of Saber. Many here in this room would not be alive thanks to you."

Even if her heart was breaking, her mind continued racing.

"Thanks to me?"

"The fire that poured out of that broken cup raged across the land with no signs of stopping, but they did stop, rather abruptly when Emiya Kiritsugu took you into his arms as if responding to a wish. That face he made, do you remember it, little Spenta Mainyu?"

According to Zoroastrian belief, Spenta Mainyu is the protector and sustainer of many realms; of creatures in the sky, water, earth, plants, and children yet to be born. The counter to which slept within the womb of the Greater Grail. Gilgamesh laughs at the notion.

"Divine blood may flow through her veins, but she is nothing so grand, but neither was that so called Angra Mainyu. You shouldn't put such big dreams into her head, though I can see her growing up into quite the beauty."

*clang*

The knight's blade does not reach the Babylonian king's throat. Without lifting a finger, the weight of humanity protects him in a wall of steel. The wall of steel was all too willing to draw the knight's blood, but the king dismisses them, his face flush with amusement.

"If you were to be my wife, there would be no one in the world you would need to envy."

The Arthurian king was always disgusted by the Babylonian one, but such disgust only made her more desirable in his eyes. A charm all humans had the capacity to possess.

"I can't comprehend your tastes," the knight confesses.

"Then time must have stopped before you could properly grow. The princess you protect is much the same. She rewound her time, so she wouldn't have to grow up."

Kirei still remembers the boring answer the small Emiya had given during her first visit to the church.

"If I have a wish, then it has already been granted in this life of mine."

Thinking back on it now, it wasn't so boring after all.

"Rewound?" was the word Saber picks up and the tyrant wastes no time to pick at it.

"It was not her wish, but that faker has already thrown the world away once. He wished the princess to be happy. He wished to find a world where she could be happy and usurped his native counterpart. This world is the second chance he wished for upon the Holy Grail. That's why you should give up on such a worthless thing, Saber."

Saber's eyes turn to her Master who was whispering something under her breath. There are plenty of worthless things in this world, but there were no meaningless things.

"...I wish upon the Holy Grail; I pray you find a world where you won't have to suffer any longer. I pray that you meet kind people. I pray that you find friends you can...a small share of..."

'It cannot even grant itself happiness!" the tyrant king laughs.

Laughter resounds in the church catacombs. Laughter resonates in the church catacombs. Emiya Miyu had already known the truth once she laid eyes on the boy who wasn't her brother. No, she had known the truth even earlier. That may have been the only reason why she sought to negotiate with Kiritsugu's other daughter who desperately aimed for her life. Miyu did not belong in this world. Even though she would pass for a local of Fuyuki, Illyasviel had a better claim. She was nothing more than an outsider, a cuckoo chick intruding on another's nest leaving broken eggs in her wake. A world was thrown away to rot and others of this world were buried. The unfortunate doll who wasn't her brother in front of her was simply someone that managed to avoid being buried.

The wish that was once her hope had become her despair.

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

In the dead of night...

I continue my chase until the church is before me. I hesitate to take a step because I knew who resided there. I grip the card in the breast pocket of my jacket. I knew the power he possessed because I was a counterfeit.

"You are alive because you still have a role to play. Saber has terrible taste in company, but she still insists herself to be a king. For now, you are still my gardener; for whom is closer to the earth than one raised by worms. The people of this world have yet to be judged by their own sins."

If I appeared to him by my own will, he would surely kill me on the spot. I have only personally met him twice and the latter was just a few days ago outside the Matou Manor. I wanted to believe I was someone in control and that I changed from who I was back then. Even if I was only half awake back then, I was able to take his card with my own ugly power, but that was why I knew he wouldn't hesitate to end me if needed. With the power of all of humanity's tools, one only needs the resolve to push forward which meant my resolve was lacking.

My legs won't move.

As I muster whatever courage I had, descending down from the hill from which the church sat was Miyu and Saber. Neither of them was talking to the other. The both of them registered my presence, but they had no words for me. I simply stood as they got closer. Saber stares at me for a moment before placing her hand on my shoulder to reassure me. They did not question why I was here or why Rider wasn't.

They were too kind, but the world wasn't kind to kind people. They were certainly hiding something from me.

Miyu's gaze was fixed to the ground and her once brilliant eyes were now as bright as the night. I wanted to say something, but my heart told me that I made a mistake. She was unable to find her brother and I told myself that this was the best outcome to keep both of them safe. Shirou wouldn't be getting into fights with Servants as long as he was under Tohsaka's thumb and I could watch over Miyu myself, but I knew for a fact that such an impasse wouldn't last. The Holy Grail War has to end and I hoped that Tohsaka's Archer would help me, but it was naïve of me to rely on others.

We walk down the streets without saying anything. Even if we had said anything, it would have been drowned out by the roar of panicked bystanders and ambulance sirens. I was too sloppy, but it was grandfather's fault for not teaching me anything. When the morning comes, there may be people who recall my face, but none of them mattered. Nothing more than hallucinations caused by the gas leaks. There are people who want to pursue the truth, but if the truth is uncomfortable, their voices will be drowned out by the majority under the pretense of rationality. We aimlessly wandered the panicked streets of Miyama for half an hour until...

"Sakura!" someone in the distance yells.

It was Fujimura-sensei. With the windows rolled down and standing from the backseat of her grandfather's custom Hummer Limousine she continued to holler. The flamboyant tiger patterned stripes in black and yellow made it easy to mistake it for a school bus from a distance, but any local would know it was property of yakuza. As the doors of the all terrain luxury vehicle open, the sea of people naturally part as they catch a glimpse of an old man's tiger striped vest.

We were like celebrities.

I meet the old man's gaze. Despite being the head of a less than legal organization, he was a family friend of the Emiya's. I have met him from time to time, but we were strangers, so it was only natural for him to look at me with suspicions. Whenever he showed up at school to meet with his granddaughter, the students would be worked up into a fuss over an ordinary old man. There were fools who could only stare, but I paid them no heed. It's funny how no one shows the same sense in front of my grandfather during school PA meetings. The three of us enter the vehicle and our live in school teacher certainly wasn't happy. She was all too eager to scold us as we drove away.

"Miyu, I know you were trying to find your missing brother, but this is something you need to rely on adults for. Dragging in Saber and Sakura into this...are you even listening?" Taiga yells at an unresponsive Miyu.

I shoot Taiga a glare and Raiga glares at Taiga to remind her of her place. Raiga was just an ordinary old man who was involved in a less than legal business, but to have lived this long in his work, it was a given that he had a few brushings with the other world. Unlike his granddaughter, he understood clearly when it was inappropriate to pry. No one lives long in-between two worlds by prying.

"I'm guessing whatever's happening has something to do with your late father. I won't ask questions. I am grateful for what your family has done for mine, but that is why I hope you remember to take care of yourself. The men in your family certainly don't," were his words of advice for the 10 year old.

The old man shifts his gaze towards me before turning to Saber. In the corner of his eyes, it seemed like he had recognized her from somewhere, but people do not live to his age by prying too much. The kindest people in the world have the most to lie about.

The rest of the ride home was silent and uneventful.

The Fujimura's see us off at the entrance of our home as they drive away. Though the nameplate read "Emiya", it was not the home we knew because he wasn't there. We open the lights to an empty home to an empty kitchen. Miyu doesn't say anything as she alone walks towards the backyard veranda and takes her usual seat. When Miyu was sad, her eyes would glisten with tears, but right now she had none more to shed. With those hollow eyes, she simply stared up at the night sky.

I didn't know much about the late Kiritsugu whom I never met, but senpai and Taiga told me that he often liked to gaze up at the stars. When Miyu took up the same hobby I was tempted to give her my old telescope, but I was against it and bought her a new one for her birthday instead. She would use it from time to time trying to understand the meaning behind the stars, but that wasn't what she was doing now. It was probably collecting dust right now in the shed.

I stare at Saber and she simply lowers her head along with her guard. We were always at odds with each other. We both had our own agendas pertaining to this house. She always had her guard against me up until now...

"I don't deserve your apology, but you're the one my Master needs right now. When Rider wasn't able to catch up to us, I should have come to your aid. I failed my duty as a knight not only to my Master, but to you as well. If there is anything you need to ask of me, I will grant it," she says.

It must have been frustrating for her, but leaving her Master alone was what she believed was the right course of action. In the end, even if she once ruled a country, Saber knew herself to be a stranger. There were lines she could not cross. Unlike Rider, Saber knew her place. I stare at the back of my hand.

The single petal still remains.

I wanted to make Rider disappear, but those recorded on the throne are already dead. Rider had no life for me to take and I wasn't so stupid to throw away a useful tool. We both inflicted injuries on each other, but they too contributed to my ends as a passable alibi.

"You don't need to be so hard on yourself because you'll only worry the ones around you in the end," I say.

Saber stares at me for a moment as if to tell me that she knew I was still hiding things from her before going off to prepare the futons. Either she trusts me or she doesn't even register me as a threat. With Miyu as she was right now, it was the perfect opportunity to rid myself of Saber, but I would surely lose something more valuable. Miyu doesn't see Saber as a stranger and losing someone else is the last thing she needs. I slide the doors close, separating the inside and the outside air. Miyu makes no reaction to the sliding door or my presence. Miyu continued to sulk under the night sky and it was a sight that grated on me. She always tried to put on a strong front in front of others, but we were now alone.

She was a child that deserved to be happy, but I was the one who allowed her to fall into such a state. The unpalatable silence was unnerving. All I could hear was the sound of my own breathing and the dripping water from the garden faucet. Even if Shirou wasn't here, she needed to know that I was.

I kneel down and embrace her. She doesn't say anything. She doesn't say anything at all, but she was still warm. I acted all high and mighty with Saber, but I was probably as lost as she was. Her safety was all that mattered I tell myself, but just because someone is alive does not mean they are living. My memories of the first few months at the Matou Manor were indistinguishable from the months that came after, but there was once a man who...

"I guess I'm not as strong as you."

I swore to myself I wouldn't end up the same as that man. I was strong. I swore to myself that I would be stronger than anyone else. I swore to myself that I would be able to protect a small girl's smile. In the end, my promises were just as empty as his.

I stare up at the stars that Miyu was watching. When I first became a Matou, there was only a ceiling for me to see and maggots for me to touch. I screamed and screamed, wishing that I would wake up soon, but I never did. The nightmare simply transitioned into a blissful dream I wanted to protect. The world was the vast place and the sky seems to stretch endlessly. There was nothing more cruel in this world than kindness, but to allow something to have wings entertains the possibility of falling.

Just because someone falls does not mean they can't rise again, but a part of me never wanted her to fall.

I didn't want my words to be empty; sweet lies without substance. I was no longer a child that needed protection. Right now, there was a child I needed to protect, but my efforts in doing so have only caused her to suffer.

The boy I loved had been protecting her on his own all this time and he resolved to face down Servants if need be; even if it killed him. Lancer almost did if it wasn't for Tohsaka; which is why I trust her with his safety in her hands over his. The more you wish to protect someone, the less you trust them to protect themselves. I didn't think I made the wrong choice, but Miyu's hollow eyes disagree because I wasn't aware of everything he was protecting her from. I truthfully didn't know everything about those I cared about or rather I always tried to look away when what I saw didn't match what I wanted to see.

"I won't pry about what you have seen today, but remember there is tomorrow," I whisper hollow words with all of my sincerity, but I wasn't sure if she knew I was there.

"Do I deserve such a thing?" Miyu whispers beneath her breath, not to me, but to herself.

Her eyes were towards the sky, but she wasn't looking at anything. Even if she was in front of me, even as I was hugging her, she wasn't with me.

"If there is something you wish for, then I'll grant it for you," I say as I make another promise. Miyu was...

"I wish I was never born, but what I wish for doesn't matter. I don't need wishes for myself. I don't need wishes for myself. I don't need wishes for myself...," as the small girl cracks.

Her rambling becomes a pained mantra and my squeeze gets tighter. There were no more tears for her eyes to shed. Her eyes were swollen red, through and through. The amber light from her eyes had been snuffed out. Bright red eyes scorn the stars as they close on a dreary night.

The next day...

Breakfast and lunch went by, but Miyu didn't wake up even as the afternoon burned away. She simply continued to sleep with Saber standing guard at her side. I wasn't sure if I had it in me to disturb her. The congee I had made for her had gone cold. She did not respond to Saber or my voice. She simply slept and I was at a loss. I didn't know how to make people happy. The people who raised me certainly didn't. At the very least, sleep was a luxury I sometimes wasn't allowed to have when I became a Matou.

Swish, swish, swish.

I cut the cabbage in uniform lengths along with the radishes and the carrots. I shred ginger and garlic as I dice the green onions. I had placed the long wedges of eggplant onto a plate.

All I could do was cook. There was nothing I could do to comfort Miyu and such was a lesson I should have learned from my foolish uncle 10 years ago. Pretty sounding words meant nothing in front of results. What I had to do was simple from the start; win the Holy Grail War.

Kill the Einzbern Master.

Mincemeat was putty in my hands as I mix in spices and herbs. I knead, I knead and I knead the meat as I place them in slices of bell pepper.

I shouldn't have hesitated. I shouldn't have hesitated from the start when I raided that castle. I let her off easy because she had some connection to Miyu and according to grandfather she was but a rabbit that would die by itself if left alone. I deluded myself into thinking the war would pass with all of us going our separate ways because that was what my connection to Tohsaka had amounted to. If I could put aside my hatred for over 10 years, then anyone could do the same.

I won't pry about what you have seen today, but remember there is tomorrow.

I remember those thoughtless words of mine last night and accept my own bias. If grandfather's words were correct, then Illya has no tomorrow to speak of and no chance to find happiness after so much suffering like I had. There was no saving someone when there is nothing there to save.

I scoop up the lightly boiled cubes of potato from the simmering pot and mix them with freshly cubed apples. In a bowl of imitation crab, I mix apples of the branch and apples of the earth with mayonnaise.

Fujimura-sensei had already notified the school of our absences, which weren't rare with the rampant proliferation of "gas leaks". I had no illusions that Fujimura-sensei was using her familial connections to search for senpai. Regardless of how magi choose to cover things up, ordinary people were no fools. The Third Holy Grail War was overshadowed by an even greater war fought in the mundane world, but the magi in the Fourth had no such luxury. The scars from 10 years ago still remain and haven't faded. The will of those old fools who started it all hundreds of years ago still remain in this city right down to the ley lines underneath and the vessel of primordial desire.

Kill them. Kill them all.

I stop and think. What was I doing, preparing dinner in advance?

Rider had mostly recovered and was watching me from a distance. I hope she had learned what it meant to cross me. I hope she understood that she had no right to deal in things she knew nothing about. By my Command Seal, I had ordered her to protect Miyu and somehow she was able to rationalize that order by doing the complete opposite. For things devised by my grandfather, I should have expected them to be worthless.

I wash and dry my hands. In the sink, I stare at my own reflection. I run my hand through the face in the water and crush it with a squelch, but she returns just the same with those same hollowed out eyes. Regardless of how much time has passed since then, everything continues to slip past my fingers.

I divert my eyes into the kitchen around me which was once my sanctuary. In this place, I was able to forget all my worries, but that was only because "he" was always here with me. Miyu wasn't the only one who desperately missed him. I needed to set things right.

I grab my coat off the rack and begin to leave, but before I could, Saber stops me by the doorway.

"The fridge and pantry have been stocked. For what purpose are you going out alone?" Saber asks of me.

"I know you feel a bit guilty for leaving me alone last night, but it's not something you need to stress yourself for. I just need some air," I say.

Saber closes the distance.

"I was led to believe that a pious knight like yourself knows better than to invade a lady's personal space."

She reaches into my jacket pocket and I desperately try to stop her.

"What are you,.."

In Saber's view was my card. I grip the card in my hands tightly as the edges dig into my hands. Saber had already known what I was hiding from the start. Her perception was even more annoying than senpai's.

My shadow boils, but before it boils over, Saber releases her grip.

"I see you have confidence in the weapon you carry, but don't push yourself," Saber tells me.

She was being serious. Saber was much like Miyu in the way they weren't the type to joke around. It was a sincerity that was easy for strangers to doubt because real people couldn't possibly be so pure.

"You should be aware of how the Einzbern Master is, Saber. The moment you leave Miyu's side is when she'll strike. You're worrying for the wrong person right now."

"It will only cause more trouble if you leave my Master's side when she needs it most," she tells me.

"You know Saber, I think you believe I'm more important to Miyu than I actually am."

"Too many people don't know their own value," Saber has the gall to say to me.

With the Gilgamesh card in my hand, I run. As I reach the gate it is apparent that Saber wasn't following me. I hated that look. I hated that look in those pure green emerald eyes; that look of pity. I hated them so much that I was tempted to gouge them out and that's why I had to run.

I ran through the streets, but there was no sign of Saber trying to catch up to me. Through Rider's eyes, Saber was still standing by the gate before returning to Miyu's side. She wanted to chase me, but she could not leave her Master's side because then she would truly be alone. Even with the wind at her beck and call, Saber could not be everywhere at once. People needed to choose their battles wisely which was easy to forget with the card in my hands.

Within it contained all of humanity's tools, but they were all useless to me. They were not enough to bring me what I wanted. They alone could not restore what I had treasured. I could not make things go back to the way they were. To be perfectly honest, I had no clue how restore the world to the way I wanted.

I walk my frustrations off as the red sky was giving way to black as night falls once again.

I wade across the sea of cars...

as I cross the Fuyuki Bridge to the other side as the moon watches me. On the tallest building, Archer must have been watching. On the very first day that he was summoned, I could imagine Tohsaka taking him there to scope out the city. It was the ideal defensive move in her position, but that simply meant that she was cornered.

She was afraid of me as she should be.

I was the natural enemy of spiritual beings and the Gilgamesh Card in my pocket was of the strongest one. The only one I had to fear was Gilgamesh himself. The names Tohsaka, Einzbern and Matou are all meaningless to me, but certain people are still hung up on those names. People are too hung up on the past.

I stretch out my arms to signal those who might have been watching me. If no one was watching, then that simply cemented me as a fool. Power alone was not enough to bring me what I wanted, but power was always nothing more than a tool of negotiation. I had plenty of power to negotiate with. The only question was if the other party was willing to negotiate with me.

No arrows came for me, but in the distance on that highest peak were sparks. It couldn't be.

Before I could process my thoughts, Tohsaka was already standing before me. In a red coat with her hair done up into twin tails; while I was still in my school uniform. I honestly must have looked terrible in comparison to her. Her eyes were trained on me and no one else. I look around her and there was no one else, but I'm sure that little Einzbern brat wasn't too far away.

"It's been a long time, Sakura," she tells me.

I feel my locks of unkempt hair. It is now that I realize that I'm not all the way here. I try to speak, but no words come out of my mouth. In response, she simply stretches out her hand as if she was asking me to give her something.

"The card Sakura; hand it over along with your Command Spells," was the order she gives me.

"After all these years, that's the first thing you bring up? Following that little Einzbern doll around, don't you have any pride as a Tohsaka?"

"You don't realize it yourself do you? You're not yourself. I know you've had it hard. I know you want nothing to do with the Holy Grail, so I'm giving you the option to give up now before anyone else gets hurt," were words that made no sense.

They made no sense at all.

"I'll hand it over if you hand over that Einzbern girl's corpse."

"Right now, Emiya and Shinji are stuck on top of that building with my Archer. There isn't any room for negotiation," she tells me.

"Hostages?"

"You were the one who allowed them to fall into my hands in the first place. I'm sorry I'm not as good of a person you think I am," was the truth Tohsaka confesses.

I look around and I notice on this busy street that we were alone. She must have set up a bounded field in advance to clear the bystanders away. That must mean on some level that she entertained the possibility of fighting. Ridiculous.

"Install."

Wreathed in gold and primordial power, with Enkidu as my fingers, I reach out. Wrapping around her figure, her image shatters like diamond as the chains converge. I should have expected such a thing from the start. Of course she wouldn't have the guts to face me personally. My eyes dart around and behind me was the giant the Einzbern girl had enslaved with his crudely made gardening tool bearing down on me.

He could not break the golden chains. If they could hold down the bull of heaven, then some mongrel demi-god was nothing.

I wrap my fingers around the statue as the chains converge, but he was a slippery mongrel. In spite of his size, Heracles has no issue altering his mid-air momentum. He was a graceful and magnificent sight to behold, but I was tired of looking at him.

"You can escape the chains, but can you escape your own shadow?"

At the peak of night, nothing can escape the shadows. The night was my ally and the mongrel was utterly alone with darkness all around him. Before I could envelope him into the imaginary world, a beam of rainbow light disrupts the wave of my imaginary axis.

"Es läßt frei. Eilesalve."

A rushing volley of light banishes my domain of night. For the smallest moment, the streets were indistinguishable from hours ago when the sun was still shining. I stare at the source of light, a sword brimming with all the colours of the rainbow in Tohsaka's hands. I could not discount the possibility that this twin haired girl was also an illusion, but I could not underestimate the strange treasure she wielded; a treasure divorced from humanity. Something not produced by human hands, but a creature that was no longer human; if human from the start. She was nothing but a smug smile as she was fully aware of what she had in her possession. Any fear of me that she possessed had long since evaporated for this moment.

"To think you have only gathered this much power when the hospital is full. I overestimated you," she mocks me.

I bring to bear my own rainbow sword that would not lose to hers in radiance. A sword that was more akin to a lance compared to the dainty little dagger she had in her hands. I stab it into the concrete below.

"Caladbolg."

The ground fractures as I aim for her blind spot, but the light never reaches her. She does not pay any head to the crash of rainbow lights as Heracles stands in the way bearing it all with his body. Even if he had no ability to hurt me, I needed to commend his talent as a meat shield. The slippery devil would not fall to such a half hearted attack, but I had an endless supply of variety. Holy swords and demon blades respond to my summons as if they were my own fingers. I issue my decree:

"Durandal, Caledfwlch, Joyeuse,  Balisarda, Chandrahrasa, Coreiseuse, Dainsleif! Spill his blood for me."

At my command, they pelt every inch of his skin with a veracity that couldn't be compared to the blender I kept the kitchen. If it bleeds then it can be killed. He does not move unlike a slab of meat in a grinder as he commits to his role as a meat shield for someone who wasn't even his Master. How foolish, unsightly and incomprehensible just like Rider. The wall is saturated with a paint of blades, but I failed to see any red.

No blood was drawn?

" Schießen. "

Shields intercept the ball of pink light. As the ball dissipates, the fibres hidden within unravel, wrapping me.

" ß inden."

Before the threads could cut my skin, they rot away as I shift them across the imaginary axis. All around me were wire frame birds that could barely be seen, but nothing escapes the shadows, but Tohsaka was ever vigilant with her little sword.

Einzbern.

I look behind me and I see that Einzbern brat wearing an outfit that was too cute for her horrid personality armed with a magical wand that wouldn't be out of place in the hands of that character of a certain show that shared the same name as me. Her Servant stood opposite to her with me in the middle. This foolish pair of mongrels weren't worth worrying about before and yet they were countering me? They couldn't possibly have gotten this much stronger overnight. This level of resilience wasn't like anything from before. How? Did Berserker hone his hide upon Archer's broken blades? I did not have the luxury to think...

"Quintett Feurer!"

I wanted to collect my thoughts, but a seizure inducing train of pink light was fast approaching me. Like a deer caught in the headlights I couldn't help but stare at it as the pavement below it disappears.

"Vimana. To the Sky."

I narrowly escape before...

"Gebühr zweihander!"

A second seizure inducing train of golden light approaches from the opposite direction crashing into the first, spiraling around each other like neutron stars. There was no question that such brazen attacks had no issues levelling ordinary buildings. It burns my eyes and pierces my ears. I couldn't think of anything but the stinging pain that was assaulting every inch of me. I reach out to the skyline to save myself from the pain like I did 11 years ago.

"Ig-Alima!

The miniature stars merge, but the separation of heaven and earth is absolute. It towers among the surrounding buildings. The skyscraper of a sword will not be broken by a mongrel's scratch. For this moment I was safe, but the two must have exhausted all of their magical energy for this one moment. They were taking no chances or thinking of mercy, but such are mongrels.

"Quint...," the Einzbern casually prepares another earth levelling attack.

"Time out! Collateral damage and concealment of the mystics!" Tohsaka yells for everything to stop.

"I lowered my output to match your maximum. See, you were able to cancel it, so I think we're pretty in sync Rin," is the casual joke the doll makes as the air disappears.

The pavement was ruined, but the buildings remained unharmed. Tohsaka's attack wasn't planned so much as something she had to unleash to cancel out Einzbern's. The girl in my youth who was always meticulous about saving and about the value of gems was throwing around year's worth of magical energy like it was tap water. There was no way they collected more magical energy than me through legitimate means especially with the Servants they had to...

?!

A pressure converges on all of my sides, compressing my ribs and emptying out my lungs. I was too slow. I was too arrogant. I hesitated. I...I...

"Berserker!" Illya yells.

"Careful!" was Tohsaka's distraught voice.

Mongrels! Mongrels! Mongrels! Mongrels! Without breath, I call upon everything, my shadows, my chains and my trea...my ribs crack and on the pavement floor was my card?!...my...

" Schlauch."

The doll casually hoses my shadows away like dirt off a doorstep and my vision blacks as Berserker takes no chances with me as he squeezes my lungs out like squeak toy.

Miyu...

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

"I will use this child. The journey is over. In this land of Fuyuki, humanity will be saved."

Cradled in someone's arms, I peer through the slits of my eyes and was greeted with the cold night. A car, a crater and ruined shrine overlooked by the night sky with only the stars for illumination. My feet did not touch the ground; someone was cradling me, but that person wasn't my mother. In the edge of my vision was a tuft of red hair. In front of me was a pile of rocks arranged into a tower. All around me was the smell of smoke. I realize this was the place I was born. This was the place where I didn't die. Not to a malevolent fire, but an encroaching shadow.

I shut my eyes tight, but the smell remains.

"...nothing more than the means to save everything."

I open my eyes once again and find comfort in the familiar tatami mat floor that surrounded me. I was home again and there was no other way to describe this place. The same table, the same walls, but there were too many things missing; too many people missing. In my hands was a handball someone had made for me. The temari was coarser than the ones I was used to, but even if the craftsmanship was clumsy, no expense was spared on the material. I realize now that this was the birthday present I received on my first sixth birthday. Back then, I didn't know birthdays were something to be celebrated. Unlike the other handballs I played with that my mother used to make, within the folds of embroidered silk contained a wish not for me. Within the folds of silk was the faint scent of smoke from the man who had always shut himself inside and who never comes to eat with us. A man I could hardly call a "father". When he gave this to me...

"Have you ever regretted being born?"

I refused to open my eyes as I tried desperately to deny the sun. I had shut myself in my room and refused to move even though I was awake, but I could not fall asleep again no matter how hard I tried. I didn't want to think. I didn't want to think about anything, but Saber was still by my side as a testament to the reality I was living in. It wasn't fair to Saber. She knew I was awake and she didn't need dominion over the winds to read my respiration rate.

In Saber's hands was a bowl of congee meant for me courtesy of Sakura. Everyone probably knew that I wasn't really sleeping. I did not want to meet Saber's gaze. I did not want to meet Sakura's gaze. I didn't have the courage to do either. From my personal assessment, my personality was the worst.

I let the time pass.

Saber wasn't in the room anymore. Through the walls I could still hear Saber's voice.

"It will only cause more trouble if you leave my Master's side when she needs it most."

Sakura's too.

"You know Saber, I think you believe I'm more important to Miyu than I actually am."

Sakura's words dig at my heart. I had told Illya that Sakura was my friend, but she does not think of our relation in the same way. I had thought I had no more tears left to shed, but it seems I was more hopeless than I thought. I wasn't worth it. I wasn't worth it.

"Too many people don't know their own value," Saber says.

Shirou was the worst offender. He never thought about his own desires. He was quite simply my older brother. He protected me from everything up until now in order to fulfill that role even if we weren't related by blood, but...

"If I could have just one wish, I want Shirou and I to be true brother and sister…. such a thing could never happen right?"

I made a wish like that. That was why we shared the same eyes. With those same eyes, in front of the Holy Grail, he gave up everything for my sake because...

An older brother protects his younger sister.

In order to fulfill the role I wished for him to have, he forsook everything; the world and even himself. The words that saved me now condemn me. I burn the last pair of amber eyes I had seen into my memory; the Shirou who was unable to become my brother.

I once knew what I wanted and I had received it, but I cannot give back what I have already taken. I know the price that was paid for my small wishes. There were many others who wished to be saved and there was me who didn't save them. The only wishes of others I have ever granted were always ultimately for my sake alone. It only made sense that a world where I could be happy was a world where I was never born in the first place.

I lose my sense of time as I tried my hardest to clear my mind. Even if my head was completely blank, I could not empty my heart as my eyes continue to leak.

Huh?

My eyes widen as something wet and unseen brushes against my cheeks. Scanning the room, there was a basin of hot water beside me that wasn't there before, but the towel that accompanied it was dry. Long strands were brushing against my cheek.

Rider?

I could feel her breath but her eyes hidden from view. She does not speak, but it becomes apparent that she was watching me all this time. Sakura's order to protect me still remains. Even if I give up on myself, there are still people who continue to watch over me because that's the sort of world Shirou wished for me.

Saber enters the room as I continue to feign sleep. Soft strands of silk caresses my ears.

"I was making sure that the magical energy your Master was leaking out wasn't going to waste," Rider explains to Saber. Feeling my face, I realize it wasn't tears or water.

"I do not know what relation you have with your Master or why she isn't supplying you properly, but she's the one that needs your protection, not mine." Saber says.

Sakura wasn't in the house...

"I wish to... I wish to protect Sakura. That was why I answered the call...but I cannot," was Rider's answer that painfully resonates in my heart.

"What of the Grail?" Saber asks.

"And what of the Grail?" were the words Rider reflects back without wavering befitting of a righteous hero, but from the cards; Rider wasn't such a thing.

"In life, I couldn't save anything; not even myself. Sakura is following that same path," Medusa confesses.

"..."

Saber could not challenge those words of the gorgon. Nothing came out of the holy king's mouth in retort.

"..."

With the power of the Holy Grail, even the past can be taken back, but Rider did not need such a thing. It was not the Grail's call she answered, but Sakura's and Sakura's alone.

If this world was truly kind, then such a person could not be a monster.

I did not know much at all about Sakura's situation; I was always too focused on my own. I took her for granted just like everyone else in my life that I have met. My personality was truly the worst, but self derision will not change anything.

I try to open my eyes, but Rider was simply too dazzling to look at. Rider was a genuine hero.

"I'm sorry. I...," was the apology I couldn't help but mumble, but I could no longer to pretend to be asleep.

I force myself up to look at Rider as my eyes burned, but she doesn't look back and neither does Saber. Neither expected me to be of any use.

Tall and beautiful, the monster of the Shapeless Isle who killed many heroes; she killed and killed and killed because there was something she wanted to protect. The world around her tainted her in every way, but her kind heart remained. She was kinder than anyone which made her viler than anyone. Her past was heavy, but she deemed someone else's future to be heavier. She was the same as Shirou. She was the same as Sakura. I know people like that deserve to have their wishes granted.

I turn my gaze to the basin of hot water Rider had left for me. I scoop up the hot water in my hands.

I had told Illya that Sakura was my friend, but I knew for a fact we weren't moving in the same direction. Sakura never considered me an equal the same way Shirou doesn't. We weren't friends, but family and an ill gotten one from the Holy Grail. Even so, the warmth Sakura showed me...

"Before I knew it, I was wishing for your happiness like a mother would," was compassion that further condemned me because I could not give her something of equal value.

At the bottom of my heart when my mother disappeared, I must have wished for it; a family even if I was too young to understand what "family" was at that time. I don't deserve a family. I don't need a family. My eyes were...

Red orbs stare back at me from the water's reflection. I don't need wishes for myself.

I never knew what I wanted to become. I never thought of myself as someone amazing. I never wished for myself to be happy, but it was something others had wished for me. For me to be happy I needed to become someone worthy of those wishes and that's why I had to move forward as long as I was still alive. If this kind world is in danger, then I will save it. If I really had the power to grant any wish...

I wash my face. Standing up with my shoulder straight, I make my resolve clear because I can't win against my own will.

"Your wish will be granted. So tell me what you wish of me."

The burden did not disappear with those words, it only became heavier, but it would be the end of me if I couldn't say them.

"...," Rider was speechless.

I couldn't read Rider's expression, but Saber wore a complicated one. Despite being the paragon of altruism and self sacrifice, the once future king had her own wish for the Grail. Saber doesn't mince words.

"There is no such thing as a painless battle. That is something you must have learned over this past week. Granting one wish means leaving another unfulfilled; granting Rider's wish means denying Sakura's. Is this what you wish for?" Saber asks of me.

Saber doesn't coddle me. We have moved past that point now. Saber was still standing beside me at the moment because there was a wish she had for the Grail and I was a formidable battery. Our relationship was nothing more than that and that's why I shouldn't misunderstand.

"My wish does not matter. I can't forget what was lost, but I cannot throw away the things I was given. I know that even in front of a Holy Grail, there are some people who can give up their own small wish for others. I can do the same."

I have long cast away my small wishes because there are those worthier than I to have their wishes granted. If I truly was a Holy Grail, then there is no reason for me not to grant them. That is the only pillar left supporting me.

I take inventory of the power I had at my disposal; the 7 class cards; Saber, Archer, Lancer, Rider, Caster, Berserker and Assassin. I couldn't read Saber's expression. It seemed like she wanted to stop me, but she must have cast those thoughts away because ultimately, I was a tool to fulfill her wishes and I couldn't do so if I spent all my time sleeping.

"Sakura wouldn't say anything to me, but she carries a card not unlike yours," Saber tells me.

"Card?"

I turn to Rider, but she doesn't respond. She turns her head away as if she made a mistake.

"If your wish is to be granted, you must divulge what you know to my Master," Saber says to Rider.

"..."

Despite wearing a mask, Rider's hesitation is plain to see even to me.

"Sakura has ordered me to protect her and...," Rider explains, but Saber leaves her not a path to escape.

"You must know by now that my Master is terrible at acting. You wanted her to listen. You wanted her to help you. You cannot take back your actions," was the accusation Saber makes.

"As if your intentions are to anyone's benefit but yourself," Rider strikes back.

I make my way to the dresser and put on my brown bear hoodie. I holster the cards onto the strap on my thigh that was hidden beneath my skirt. I tie my hair up into a simple pony tail. Towards the hallway, I reach for my running shoes.

Rider materializes in front of me blocking the entrance. I make my way to the veranda instead. I draw her card and begin to invoke the mystery that will give me her power.

"In.."

Rider grabs my arm before I could finish. Saber levels her sword at Rider.

"..."

Rider knows she cannot best Saber. Rider knows that she cannot stop us if we have the will. She has nothing to threaten me with to stop. For her to follow Sakura's order, she has to follow me.

Rider relents.

"Sakura has a card very much like the cards you use, but I cannot imagine you besting her even if you used all 7," was a piece of information I couldn't quite process.

"What class?" Saber asks.

"..."

"Even if Sakura is stronger than me, it doesn't mean I can't help her."

"Even if she cherishes you, it does not mean that you are allies," Rider lays bare to the meaning of her previous statement.

"That's all the more reason to tell us anything you know," Saber says.

"Has that ever stopped you before?" Rider says.

"I must admit you're a truer hero than I, so I know what you cannot do," Saber says without mercy.

Rider pauses for a moment with an unreadable expression.

"Archer," Rider relents.

"Encrusted in gold?" Saber reasons.

"So you already know the hero sealed in that card?" Rider ascertains.

"Shirou warned us of Gilgamesh and we met him in the Church's basement. He was a Servant left over from the last Holy Grail War that I couldn't best," as Saber recounts our latest misadventure.

"Then...," Rider begins to say.

I draw Shirou's card.

Last night, in front of Gilgamesh, we were utterly helpless. Gilgamesh commanded an endless arsenal, but Archer could produce a mirror image that matched it. Gilgamesh's treasures were irreplaceable, but Archer's fakes were utterly disposable. Against near peer forces in a battle of attrition, material is the deciding factor and the wellspring of magical energy humming within me is restless. If my heart was the same as Shirou's, Gilgamesh could be beaten, but I wasn't Shirou.

"The cards are leftovers of a Grail War Shirou had won, so Gilgamesh isn't absolute," were words I say to pump myself up, but they were words Rider didn't have the context to understand and words that brought no confidence to Saber.

"I do not know what Grail War you speak of, but he didn't put up much of a fight against my Master," was Rider's doubt.

"There is no way he would turn his blade against her," I say.

I try to imagine them fighting in the kitchen with knives in hand, but I couldn't. It was too surreal for me.

"That card isn't Sakura's only power and from what I understand, her element isn't something typical magi study," as Rider directs her gaze at an unseen familiar hidden in the smallest of shadows. Shadows cast by things existing perpendicular to the axis of observable reality. Sakura cannot be fathomed through real numbers alone, but I have seen those shadows before.

"They are the natural enemies of beings like us," as Rider tries to scare us from leaving.

"If she truly is that formidable as you say, then there is no reason to fear our enemies," says Saber.

The image of Sakura grieving at her own powerlessness when Shirou was taken is still etched in my mind. Rider's words did not align with the world I knew, but what did I truly know of the world?

"Sakura may have Miyu's interests at heart, but that doesn't mean they are on the same side." Rider is the warning she reiterates.

"If Sakura was someone who wasn't worth saving, you would have given up on her by now and you must believe that Miyu is the last person she would ever harm," Saber argues.

Rider was not convinced and I myself was uncertain, but that did not matter. My personal feelings won't change what I must do. Kiritsugu always went on trips alone, but one day he did not return. Shirou was always going off by his lonesome at night and I trusted him to return as he did every night except for one. Sakura technically lived in a different house, so there was less of an excuse to worry, but...

One night can mean the world. Nothing else matters except for that one fact.

I step up onto the veranda. I note the night sky above us. It was very much the world I lived in where everything was hidden. I was always kept away from the ugliness of the world by kind people, but that sort of person wasn't who I wanted to be. I know first hand what it is like to be left alone. Giving up on someone else is the worst thing someone can do. If someone is in trouble, then it is only normal to save them. I cannot win against my own will. I realize now, that the type of person I wanted to be...

"Install: Rider."

We cut through the night sky like shooting stars.

I couldn't fathom the mechanism by which a horse could fly with the wings of a bird. The wings the Pegasus had could not logically support its weight not unlike a chicken, but it was supporting both me and Saber. With chains at the ready, Rider was tailing close behind. If the red Archer's identity was who I thought it was, then there was no reason for me to be afraid of flying.

Sakura!

Across the bridge, there was the giant Berserker and in his hands was Sakura. Despite all of Rider's bluster, Sakura was in trouble. In the world below through my enhanced eyes, she was reaching out for a card on the pavement while gasping for breath; my mind races.

Jumping off our stead, we descend the world below.

"Install: Assassin."

Saber hits the ground while I disappear into the night.

"Berserker," Saber calls out as she draws her unseen blade drawing his attention while Rider circles the sky like a hawk trying to keep up with me.

Behind Berserker was Illya focused on the card on the floor in familiar robes. Unseen and unheard, I cross the distance in an instant as I scoop the card up before she could. My presence was concealed, but my actions were reckless.

"Installieren: Assassin," she calls out.

The robes she wore melts away into an unfamiliar kimono and in her hands was a sword that was at least 16 centimetres longer than she was tall. Her eyes were trained on me with an expression I never seen her make before with powers I have never seen before. Was this a Class Card?

She wasn't the same person, but neither was I. I was supposed to be hidden, but her eyes shone through. She disappears from my sight, but not my senses. Use everything. Focus, technique and bodily control. I contort my body to receive her over eager attack.

Gamakuza-style: Darkness Liner.

Receive and redirect, my assailant shoots past me hitting the pavement, but she manages to break her fall. Blood drips from my arm as the cut makes it to the bone. The card I had seized was now on the floor stained with my poisoned blood. Even if Gilgamesh's card is safe from prying hands, I needed to overturn the situation quickly. The difference in reach was too significant.

"Install: Saber."

*clang*

The wound on my arm disappears as if it was never there as I parry her strike before making my own as I press forward with mana beneath my feet. Threads laid on the ground would have cut apart an ordinary person, but I had Saber's power within me.

*shing*shing*clang*

Though Illya was wielding power a foreign power, she manages to redirect my blows as steel meets steel. Even with the card, I could not match Saber's speed even if I sharpened my mind to the limit. I could not pierce Illya's defences, but the reverse wasn't true. Illya's blade was closing fast and I did not have enough time to bring my sword to meet hers. Use everything.

Jaw breaker. Strike Air.

My free palm impacts her chin as I blow her away with a counter and a current, carrying Gilgamesh's card away into the river below. Her familiars give chase, but I blast them away. I wasn't able to knock her out in one blow, but that was the testament to the heroes we were drawing from. If the hero she drew is a local, then I can't continue to use local techniques. I'll be killed for certain if I use the same technique twice. I re-ready my holy blade as she prepares to thrust.

*clang*shing*shing*Geh.

Her blow glances off my gauntlet and so I know my imitation of Saber cannot match the real thing. I don't have much of a choice but to soak up the attacks from Illya's bird familiars that continue to sting my back. Saber's natural magic resistance and the warmth in my heart that was constantly healing my body was the reason I wasn't dead. I wasn't Saber, but that was alright because Illya was the same. Saber was holding off Berserker and I couldn't ask for more.

*shing*clang*shing*

Illya does not lose her footing even as she's pushed back. Her blade is always ready to receive and I could not underestimate the stray shots from her familiars nor Berserker who was being held off by Saber.

Our dance of blades stops suddenly.

"You're a lot more barbaric than the knight you pretend to be," Illya speaks with a tone that wasn't hers.

"..."

Even with the cards, there was a limit of what we could draw from them without casting ourselves away. We both had to make up for the parts that weren't there.

"You're fully committed to killing met this time aren't you?" she teases.

If possible, I don't want anyone to die. If possible, I wished for everyone to be saved.

"..."

My heart stops, the night grows darker, but it was not the darkness of the sky. My opponent dawns the pink dress once again with wand in hand, but her attention was not on me as she takes aim at Berserker?

"Quintett Feurer!"

The wave of blinding arcane light illuminates the darkness and crashes harmlessly against Berserker's large chiselled frame like the water of a garden hose against a car washing off a mud like substance that emitted no light. My heart jumps, but it was then I realize that Sakura was nowhere in sight.

Even so, an unsettling feeling washes over me.

Something quickly approaches from behind me. I turned around to see Saber's face for a mere moment before being launched into the sky with a gust of wind. Blood was quickly pooling to the top of my head. From the inverted world, Saber was still fighting.

The night bites at Saber's ankles as if it was a living thing; the encroaching shadows that took my...

"Saber!"

Though the wind was under Saber's command, the sky was Illyasviel's domain and her birds woven from thread the denizens. The birds of thread break my fall as they latch around me sealing my movements. If I broke free, I would only be claimed by the shadows below. The shadows crawling on the ground could not reach the threads in the sky. With a wave of Illya's wand, a pure stream of magical light disperses the unnatural night.

Before Illyasviel could turn her attention to me, the threads are cut and I'm whisked away. I turn my head and I realize it was Rider carrying me away once again on top of a white winged horse. My left hand itches, but I knew it couldn't be poison.

I scan the area below from horseback trying to make sense of what was happening in the span of a few seconds. I scan the ground and realize the streets all around us were empty. It was so dark; I couldn't even make out the road markings. I look upwards and see Illya, the ruler of the sky brandishing her prismatic wand once again before her guardian touches the ground. The shadows recede back to their source against the might of the second pink sun and Heracles begins his charge. Though a mad warrior, he was no beast and he moved with a hunter's finesse. Turning on a dime and tearing up the asphalt, his feet alone surpassed any modern land vehicle.

Red arrows rain down.

Berserker weaves through the living shadows, batting away those he could not dodge with pure strength. Those he failed to strike are struck down from above by Archer's arrows or his Master's fire. Heracles raises his stone hewn sword ready to brew a storm as he reaches his destination.

His target was an unconscious Sakura who was being dragged away by shadowy hands. The hairs on my neck stand up. My next actions were pure instinct.

"Saber," I call out.

"By my Command Seal, block that blow!"

Before Sakura was made one with the pavement, Saber intercepts the blow, shattering Berserker's weapon into dust. With her unsheathed Holy Blade above her, she brings it down against her opponent.

"Ex-."

"By my Command Seal, return to my side!" Illya invokes.

"-Calibur!"

The pillar of light cuts the night in twain. Brighter the light, harsher the shadows and what was hidden by the night was now plain to see; crude imitations of pedestrians with no substance dotted the world below. The hunched figures retreat from the light except for the one that was hidden in Saber's shadow; Sakura. Her hands wrap around Saber desperately and I wasn't sure what to make of the scene straight out of one of those thin books. I snap out of my thoughts as pink stars dot the night sky. Illya prepares another salvo from the skies as Saber prepares herself. The sky above us explodes in pink, gold and red.

"By my Command Seal, return Sakura to my side."

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Sprouting from Miyu's back was Saber's sword which has lost its luster.

I was about to vault over the edge of the roof, but I'm pulled back by the collar and my back is met with Archer's boot. I couldn't see anything except concrete, but my body refuses to stay still, but his boot doesn't budge. His boot doesn't budge at all.

"Let go!" I scream and I yell, but it falls of deaf ears.

Archer notches an arrow.

"Hrunting," he releases.

"T-trace.."

I switch on my circuits, but nothing fires; I was completely spent. If I hadn't used my Reality Marble, maybe I would have some to spare, but Archer wasn't even allowing oxygen into my lungs as water leaks from my eyes. I wish for Archer to disappear, but that was overly optimistic.

The weight on my back was gone and I don't think too hard on it.

"O-on."

I fire my circuits once again just enough for a spark. A spark was all that was needed to slash at the familiar that was watching me. I rush to the edge and let gravity take me. As I'm met with fast approaching concrete, I realized I wasn't thinking at all and frantically grab the side of the building with my left arm only for it to make a nasty sound.

"Geh..."

Something was clearly dislocated...

"Geh.."

I wake from a shooting pain in my shoulder and as I grasp it with my right hand, I feel the fibres on my fingers. I realize these weren't proper bandages, but strips of bath towel. I could not tell the time or place, but I notice the warmth beside me.

"Sakura?"

Underneath the blanket, her chest rises and falls reassuring me that she was still breathing. Her hair had returned to its familiar hue. I stroke her worn ribbon. I reach out for her neck to double check her pulse, but her hand clasps mine as she holds it to her cheek as she continued to sleep.

I was a complete loss at what was happening.

Looking over the room, this place wasn't home, but I should have gotten used to such a thing by now. The walls were mirrors and we were surrounded by our own reflections. The cogs in my mind weren't turning. My cell phone didn't survive so I had to I scan the room and settle on the digital clock on the wall.

00:00

Next to the bed was a drawer. I quickly slide out the contents and quickly slam the drawer shut. I realize this place wasn't a normal hotel, but of course normal hotels could not be booked on such short notice. Hourly intervals or an overnight stay arranged behind anonymous screens with no questions asked; this place was lodging of that sort. This was probably the smart choice to avoid dragging in ordinary people as magi were universally seedy in one way or the other. Was Sakura familiar with places like these? I would have shuddered at that idea, but there was something more important at the forefront of my mind as my senses direct me to the bathroom door.

"So you haven't restored your mana yet?" was Saber's voice coming from the bathroom in a clinical manner.

I load the gun in my head as soon as I see the enemy in her black nightgown.

"Trace...," but my spell fizzles.

"You should know that the reserves you relied on and the reserves I relied on aren't available anymore," was Saber's admittance to her crime.

"Then..."

I clench my fist as she draws her unholy blade to the cusp of my throat.

"Sakura wasn't quite awake when everything went down and you'll only manage to hurt her if you tell her of what you saw. Besides, right now, who else would you draw your blade for?" was what the tyrant taunts me with.

My heart told me to cut her down, but my mind told me I would be the one cut down instead.

This wasn't the Saber I had gotten to know over the past week, but the ghost I had cut down all those years ago. Flaxen hair without the shine of gold and eyes no different from a mask, my enemy was a beautiful shell that was a mere mockery of who Saber could be, but Saber was ultimately a stranger. I knew her true identity to be King Arthur from the tainted Excalibur in her hands, but that very revelation was a testament to her skills in deception. Her chivalry and her kindness may have been nothing but a farce to skirt around the Command Seals to get Miyu to lower her guard. I was always suspicious about the deterrence the Command Seals provided compared to what the Class Cards offered. I shouldn't have been swept away by my little sister's pace. I shouldn't have let myself be captured. All Heroic Spirits ultimately seek the Holy Grail and Saber was no exception, getting rid of anything in her way to reach that end. Despite knowing all that, I could not control my feelings.

"My sister trusted you!" is my outburst that causes Sakura to wake.

"S-senpai?" she whispers as she absorbs the gravity of the situation.

The dark knight retracts her sword and casually walks closer, paying no heed to the animosity. She checks my shoulder injury in the same way she would for an unruly horse in a stable. In this moment, I hated her more than Shinji.

"Unfortunately, this crude treatment is all that can be administered at this time. Other than that, you're a perfectly healthy male, so recover quickly so we may obtain the Holy Grail," the tyrant says with complete disregard to my feelings.

It was always about the Holy Grail in this world and the last. In the end, the Holy Grail did nothing but trade one life for another. I glare at her, pulling on reserves that aren't there, but...

"..."

She extends her hand as if making a deal.

"You've obtained such a thing once before haven't you? You know firsthand of its power. This world was something you wished for wasn't it? If this world did not turn out the way you wanted, your path should be obvious. Reclaim the Holy Grail and take back the past with me," is Saber's ultimatum.

Sakura doesn't say anything. She simply gathers her resolve and meets the tyrant's eyes.

"Where's Miyu?" was what Sakura asks. That should have been the only thing that mattered, but I was too cowardly to ask even myself because the answer could break me.

The longest second passes by.

"Alive. She still has Avalon's protection even after voiding all her contracts. As long as I draw breath, she cannot die. That much I swear on my honour as a knight," is the loaded answer Saber gives.

Avalon must have been the treasure Kiritsugu had carried on that fateful day when we came into this world; the pinnacle of holy relics. Was such a thing enough to save someone from Excalibur's fatal blow? Were her treasonous actions a calculated risk to protect Miyu? It was all nonsense, yet I wanted to believe in her answer more than anything else. What I saw was no illusion, but if I took her words as a lie, then that would spell the end of me.

"Then why did you...," was the loaded question that wasn't able to leave my lips, but it was something I couldn't let Saber brush aside.

"Miyu is not a Master or a proper magus and is powerless without Class Cards. By now, it should be self evident to every other Master and Servant that she is but a harmless child. The Tohsaka and Einzbern are not monsters, which should be something you can personally attest," was the explanation from Saber that holds no water.

My instincts were screaming that she was lying and these were nothing but excuses, but her chilling gaze was telling me that her own logic was all that mattered to her.

"You must understand that I wish to obtain the Holy Grail and in front of the other Servants who want the same thing, my Master would inevitably face danger. That was something your father Kiritsugu accepted when he summoned me 10 years ago. Miyu summoned me by mistake and wants nothing of the Grail, so cutting off that liability completely in front of everyone was the optimal way to protect her. I didn't betray anyone," was what only masqueraded as logic.

Didn't betray anyone? I guess it isn't betrayal if she was never on our side in the first place. The tyrant turns away as if she said everything she needed to placate us.

"Where's Rider?" I ask.

"Dead, so Sakura is no longer a Master either, but considering the properties of her shadows have on Servants like me, and the damage she has caused so far, she won't be left off as easily," is all Saber says without bothering to face us.

"I'll leave you two to your devices," were her parting words as she sinks through the floor.

"Wait..," but my words reach no one. I clench my fist tightly as the nails on my fingers draw blood from my palm.

Sakura winces as she examines the back of her hand. If none of us were Masters, then why were we even fighting? Saber was saying whatever she wanted, but we were in no position to challenge her as we were right now. She simply expected us to go along with what she wanted as accomplices, but after everything Sakura had done in this city, something like a Sealing Designation would be expected.

Sakura stares at me. She desperately clasps my hand tightly afraid of ever letting go. I brush off the stray locks that were blocking her eyes and peer into them seeing no malice or arrogance.

"What happened to Saber?" I ask her.

"My head was fuzzy back then, I didn't know what I was doing, but...but...I know I'm the one at fault," as she claims to be guilty with a tragic smile I didn't want to see. That smile...

"Senpai?"

The same tragic smile as back then in the world I once lived in. I could not contain the memories I desperately tried to seal.

"Were you always lying to me!? Was the you in front of me a fake this whole time!?"

I remember how I shouted and condemned her, giving her no chance to explain herself. I remembered how close I was to striking her, but I could do nothing against those tragic eyes. Despite how I acted, the only thing she asked of me back then...

"If you want to rescue Miyu, then win the Holy Grail War. Although your chances are slim, with this card, it may be possible. But, there's one thing, if it's possible, if it can be granted, please run away instead."

In that world, I refused it. I chose to be Miyu's older brother over Sakura's plea.

"You didn't choose me, but I love you, so I'll protect you."

I signed her death warrant when I made my choice. Back then, it was no different than killing her with my own hands and right now I was...

"S-shirou?" Sakura calls me by my name while trembling. She rarely calls me by name. I didn't know what expression I was making, but I must have been scaring her.

Sakura was Sakura and that should have been the end of it. Rider was gone and the Gilgamesh Card was no longer in her possession, so I couldn't abandon her. I couldn't make the same mistake again. Maybe it was a mistake to see the two as the same, but neither were fakes.

Sakura didn't know anything about world I came from and I was scared of telling her anything about it. When it came to Allies of Justice or magi, I didn't want Sakura to have anything to do with them, but I cannot change reality. Sakura was Sakura precisely because she wasn't ordinary and that was the catalyst of our meeting. If she was perfectly ordinary, she would have never gotten involved with the likes of me. Ever since I met her again in this world, I always felt ashamed being with her. I had no right to be with her, yet I was afraid of her rejecting me. She had already confessed her feelings and I only continued to hurt her.

"Sorry."

With that small apology, she pulls me in closer.

"Whether or not Saber is lying to us, the Shirou I love is someone who would never abandon his family as long as his body can move," is what Sakura confesses to me.

The tragic smile from before is still there, but there was nothing but warmth being directed at me. I realize now, even back in the old world, what Sakura offered me wasn't a choice. The Emiya Shirou who would abandon everything to run away with her would not be the Emiya Shirou she loves.

"If we want to save Miyu from those people, to go back to those days, then you need to use everything at your disposal. I'm sorry for restraining you, I'm sorry I tried to do everything on my own, I'm sorry for ruining everything you built up, but without Rider, without the Card, my mana is the only thing of value I can give you," were her words that cornered me.

"That's...you're..."

I wanted to tell her that she was more than that. I wanted to tell her how important she was to me, but any words I could think of would only feel hollow in the gravity of the situation. I knew all too well what it meant to ruin everything for everyone else. Seeing how distressed I was, she pulls my hand against her frail neck. The confidence she had borrowed up until now wasn't there anymore, but she was all the stronger for it.

"I have taken much from you already, so it's only natural I give back. I wasn't taught any other way of transferring mana except through...direct contact. Renting this room was my idea, even if you hate it," was what Sakura confesses to me while flustered.

There were plenty of ways to create connections without direct contact. Elaborate blood rituals, special potions, transplanting magic circuits and wish granting powers to name a few, but such things were outside the scope of our meager abilities. I had to reassure her.

"I don't."

Sakura was always my haven of retreat. In front of her, I didn't need to be anyone but "Shirou" and it was the same for her. In front of me, she didn't need to be anyone but "Sakura". She rests her hand on my cheek and pulls me even closer. Sakura never had pretenses about what she wanted. I didn't need any pretense to be anyone else; a magus, an Ally of Justice or a monster who threw the world away.

"Then prove it with a kiss," is the challenge she poses as she invites me to get closer.

Before I could understand what I was doing, I feel the beating of her soft chest against mine reassuring me that she was indeed alive and this was reality. I wanted to tell myself that the cold snowy night in my heart was nothing but a dream. I cover myself in her warmth and she offers no resistance as I claim her lips. The heavy burdens I carried fall away and I could think of nothing else but drowning as my heart beats faster. Her soft gaze tells me everything was fine and that all I needed to do was push forward.

I am the bone of my sword.

Sakura was a sanctuary where I could bury my ugly vulnerable self. She accepts everything of me while I myself couldn't. Even if I could never forgive myself, she would always accept me. That kindness is what condemns me. She offered me no path to escape and she never will as my fingers get tangled in hers. My head blanks as my circuits flare up, but her eyes reassure me. My pain, my disgust, my hatred, my fears and my doubts; she washes them all away. I let the sensation of crashing waves wash over me as I'm carried by the turbulence. I almost forget to breathe as I feel the magical energy overloading my system.

Steel is my body, and fire is my blood.

I must have been like a cold machine to others, rigid in motion, but she embraced me all the same. In the world I threw away, Sakura died for my sake even as I doubted her and yelled at her, but she never gave up on me for a moment. Maybe she thought the things she did were small, but she saved me. She was something sacred I wanted to cherish and in the world I left behind, I could only watch as her blood stained the snow. Her death is the reason why the world inside of me was as cold as it is. In front of me, she could not show any grief or pain. In front of me she was always smiling in order to reassure me everything was "normal" even as she was hurting. She was a convenient existence, so I used her up for my own convenience and I should have been punished for such a thing.

I have created over a thousand blades.

Even if this is a different world, the fact that I abandoned her doesn't change. The Holy Grail can bring forth a new world, but the past can never be taken back. What I said to her back then was unforgiveable. In the back of my head, I knew that the Sakura who died for my sake and the Sakura I held in my arms in this moment were ultimately different people, but my heart betrays me. I betrayed her again and again, but not once did she fault me for anything no matter how clumsy I proved myself to be in the end.

Unaware of beginning,
Nor aware of the end.

I repeated the same mistakes over and over again without stopping. The harder I tried to protect the status quo, the more I lost myself. As long as I swung my swords, I slowly became someone else. The wish of Emiya Shirou naturally clashed with Matou Sakura's, but she accepted the contradiction. I had no right to embrace her. I had no right to touch her. I had no right to call her name. All I did was hurt her. After making my wish on the Holy Grail, it may have been better if I just disappeared. After throwing the world away, I had no right to be anyone's brother, anyone's son or anyone's lover, but she holds onto my hand in hers squeezing it tightly. Our connection was a vexing thing, it suffocated us and our bodies screamed for oxygen. My sense of time has been completely shot. The current of magical energy almost fries my brain as everything numbs, but her hands tell me not to stop.

Withstood pain with inconsistent weapons, my hands will never hold anything.

She gives and gives, while I give her nothing, but in her eyes, my hands were all she needed. Her love was relentless and spat in the face of equivalent exchange. This trajectory we were on, I did not know if it was right or not. We both represented an ideal for each other; even though we both knew the normalcy on the surface was false. Despite all the lies, the smile she wore around our house was genuine. She was someone who could forgive anyone, even a criminal like me who would condemn the world itself. The ugliness of it all and the beauty of it all, objectively they were one and the same. So why did I resist her all this time? Why couldn't I respond to her feelings? Sophistry, trickery, vanity and falsehoods meant nothing in front of a truth so pure. I was approaching my limit.

Yet, my flame never ends.

I no longer knew what I was even doing and I could not make out what she was saying anymore. I could not retreat from this anymore; I was too far gone. This was probably a mistake, but in this moment, none of that mattered. The mistakes I made and the mistakes I continue to make, I'll take responsibility for all of it. Even if I make the world my enemy and even if I come to curse me, Sakura would never betray me so I couldn't dare betray myself.

My whole body was still Unlimited Blade Works.

The uncontrollable magical currents coursing through me give way to a massive flood. The white world inside of me, a world of infinite swords bursts forth. Inside becomes outside through the theory of the world egg. Countless swords scar the serene surface of this world of snow, but these weren't graves. In this endless world for two, there was no sun or moon, but the faint stars were enough to give this world life. It was under the cold snow that I lost her and it is under the snow that I'll embrace her for all of her warmth. With our faces flushed red, I gaze upon the stars reflected through her amethyst eyes.

"To think kisses could be so wonderful," were her words that surprised even herself.

Chapter Text

In preparation for lunch...

"As a large portion of our battle power, shouldn't you let me do the cooking?" was what the Einzbern maid named Sella asks of me.

There were plenty of left over boiled potato slivers from breakfast that the maid had needlessly peeled in excess and the blanched asparagus lay on the cutting board after taking a dip in ice water. The oven was still in the process of being pre-heated. On the stovetop, the deboned chicken thighs were getting a nice sear as the sliced onions were ready and waiting in the bowl beside it. I could already guess the sort of meals that were planned for Saber in order to show her the world of potatoes beyond mashed.

"This place isn't the Einzbern kitchen nor is it that cramped apartment. I'm no magus, so you're more valuable elsewhere. I think it's fair that we divide our roles based on our aptitudes."

As the girls work on whatever project they have chosen for themselves after looking through the shed, I add the onions to the pan and sauté them with the chicken.

The Emiya kitchen in this world may not have been the one I grew up with, but as I level the cast iron pan once more, its weight felt right. There were accounts of Roman soldiers swinging around wooden training swords double the weight of the swords they would bring with them into battle. A typical Roman gladius was slightly under a single kilogram, but the ten and a quarter inch in my hands was easily five.

"I am a maid first and that pan in your hands is just simple iron, not gold or Rhenium," as Sella scoffs at the comparatively light pan in my hands, but a part of me just couldn't trust her with this kitchen.

I mix in the potato slivers with shredded cheese before the onions burn along with milk and cream before running my mouth once again.

"Indeed, these pans are made of iron not because it is the best material, but because it is abundant. When it comes to thermal conductivity, copper and gold are certainly better. Iron even loses to aluminum in that regard," was fact.

Aluminum used to be worth its weight in gold due to the high cost of extraction from bauxite in the days before ubiquitous electricity, but it is in fact more plentiful than iron. Being light and cheap, aluminum became the go to metal for cheap mass produced Teflon coated pans, but this lightness wasn't without a drawback. Aluminum pans heat up quickly at the cost of cooling down just as quickly, so only an amateur would think of searing meats on aluminum. In front of an unpredictable fire which is the case when roughing it, a thick heavy pan that wouldn't warp and could retain heat was a necessity. For an aluminum pan to match an iron pan's thermal mass, it would be impractically thick. Three-ply and five-ply pans with alternating layers were an attempt by manufacturers to combine the positive attributes of several different metals, though such a process wasn't cheap. Other manufacturers opted to simply weld an aluminum plate onto the bottom of their stainless steel pans. Despite all this, iron and steel pans endure in kitchens not just because of the proliferation of induction cook tops.

"I'm sure that with alchemy, you could even create a non-stick coating superior to what is on the market that won't smoke under high heat. Despite that, in a professional kitchen, there is no room for fancy coatings. A chef may keep around a non-stick pan for eggs and fish if they lack of confidence, but in the end, a fancy coating is nothing more than an insurance against poor technique. Coatings inhibit normal heat transfer and aren't oven safe."

As I top the pan with more shredded cheese, asparagus and bread crumbs, the oven was ready and waiting.

"Oven safe? You're using that pan as a serving vessel?" Sella inquires as her sense of aesthetics was being attacked.

In this familiar kitchen, I feel the weight of the familiar cast iron pan with one hand as I slide it into the oven. When I was but a boy, I could barely lift a carbon steel pan with two, though the name is a misnomer. Cast iron has higher carbon content than what is considered "carbon steel" hence the natural black colour. Becoming familiar with such heavy duty cookware was a given for someone who travelled the world with only campfires to serve as a kitchen. Despite all the things that were the same as I remember, this kitchen wasn't mine as I shut the oven door.

"It's just a simple gratin, nothing too fancy and besides, cast iron has a warm rustic charm to it that suits comfort food."

"That may be good enough for the low born rabble, but my mistress is a lady of the Einzbern," was what the maid emphasizes.

"Different lands and different people have different standards. Magi who seclude themselves to protect their mysteries must know that their definition of class differs from the masses. At least so far, your mistress hasn't complained about my cooking. Comfort food is needed after a horrible night, though I can't say any of the nights so far haven't been horrible in one way or another. It might not be the healthiest thing, but life is short."

"Whom are you trying to comfort with that food of yours?" the maid asks of me.

I eye the small diminutive 8 inch carbon steel pan that was still on the stove top that should have been relegated to the drawer once Emiya Shirou grew confident in his strength. It sat on the stove with prominence and was well used. The difference in tools Emiya Shirou kept in stock highlights the difference between him and the Emiya Shirou I knew. The girls had joked that I would have made a fine father, but it wasn't funny. I hoped to keep my mind off of such things by endlessly cooking, but it was a fool's errand considering where I was. Even if Emiya Shirou didn't live his life with borrowed ideals, he had still raised someone as painfully foolish as I was.

At lunch with the cast iron pan in the center of the table...

Leysritt happily inhales her portion of gratin with the plate in her left hand and a fork in her right. It was envious how carefree some people could be. Sella by contrast wore a complicated expression as she glanced over the small Emiya girl who was no longer in handcuffs staring at the plate I had prepared for her. Hopefully, she'll eat it this time. Rin was still keeping watch in case Illya pulled something and not Miyu who was supposed to be our prisoner of war. I stand guard over the lunch table I had prepared and hoped the tensions would ease just a little from the one thing I still had pride in.

"It's not fair to Archer if you don't at least try his cooking. You can blame Sella needlessly peeling so many potatoes in the morning or does someone need to feed you?" is the remark Illya makes towards the younger girl she was adamant about hurting with malice on her sleeves. Miyu simply stares at Leysritt and examines the functionality of her own handiwork. Rin stares intently as she furiously tries to think of a way to defuse the escalation, but from personal experience, I knew it to be unneeded, yet there were still things I had yet to learn. Illya's patience runs thin as she was someone who rightfully couldn't stand being ignored.

"Aahhh," was Illya's taunt as she levels her fork with a portion of cheese covered asparagus in front of her victim's face.

Miyu takes up Illya's offer to everyone's surprise including my own. She takes a bite from Illya's fork without hesitation and then there was a flash of light. Light from the Wizard Marshall's dubious little wand that had more unnecessary functionality than anything on the consumer market for some time.

"Thanks for the meal," was Ruby's remark as she documents this "Holy Grail War" as I have come to expect of it.

"So how is it?" Illya asks a little annoyed.

Miyu chews the morsel carefully, taking great care to savour the flavours and her vacant eyes fill with life just like the Saber from my memories. Well, if only.

"The asparagus is well caramelized and I can taste the natural sugars, but I won't have an accurate assessment of the dish as a whole without eating the rest," were blunt trigger words that came out of the innocent girl's mouth.

From her soft tone, it wasn't a haughty demand or an order; the people who raised her were simply lacking. They certainly spoiled her rotten.

"You can just say that it's delicious," Illya chides her.

"Nn," Miyu nods in response, before turning her gaze towards me.

"Thank you, Archer. It was delicious," she speaks with perfect manners. Maybe she was doing it on purpose.

The whole exchange was surreal because the Illya I knew was the sort of devil that drags everyone along with her pace instead of the one being dragged along, but that was probably my own personal bias. Hopefully Illya by some miracle doesn't take it personally, but she simply readies the fork once again. Hopefully someone doesn't mention something about preferring chopsticks over forks.

"Aaaahhh...," as Illya happily feeds her "baby sister".

There was still someone missing from the table that wasn't eating and my eyes drift to the person in the corner. Shinji was standing as far away from the Einzbern as he could with legs that weren't there before, but even with the ability to run away, the one who took those legs away the first time around was standing guard just outside the building. Compared to everyone else, he was an ordinary person and ordinary people value their own life over everything else.

"Albino Puru. The Emiya's are Ashta's...I'm stuck in ZZ with Servants instead of giant robots. Hehhhahahahah..." as Shinji mumbles nonsensically to himself.

Leysritt's new arm and Shinji's new legs were made from nothing more than some junk stored in the shed at the back of the Emiya estate. The shed was very much the same as the one I remembered with plenty of old appliances in various states of repair that Emiya Shirou refused to abandon as he practiced his meagre abilities. If Emiya Miyu could work as an unlicensed doctor for Taiga's family in a state of emergency, then it was a given she would have some training dummies left lying around. The shed may not have been a legitimate workshop by the standards of normal magi and screamed 3rd rate; it was still the Emiya family workshop. It was where the Magus Killer buried his most personal weapon. The small girl may not have been much more of a magus than her brother, but even I was surprised by the results.

"So displacement could be used for something like that huh?"

I could scan the properties of any blade at a glance and project near perfect copies too, but prosthetics were outside my narrow window of specialization. Still, the point remains that creations take after their creators. The false limbs were presumably products of alchemy, but they were definitely outside the ideals the Einzbern pursued. The Einzbern were intimately knowledgeable about anatomy from their expertise in creating artificial life, but there is a clear distinction between creation and salvation. The Einzbern was an automated assembly line that thoughtlessly churned out product emphasizing efficiency over something as inane as "suffering". When a cast iron pan comes out defective from the mould or gets cracked before shipping, it is simply melted down and cast it anew. If something needed to be repaired, there was no reason to specifically engineer spare parts. As long as a product could serve some purpose, even as raw material, extraneous things like life span and happiness were inconsequential to the Einzbern. By contrast, for better or worse, the Emiya's weren't the type to carelessly throw things away even in the absence of OEM parts. There was nothing they couldn't accomplish with elbow grease and power tools. Miyu could not stand the sight of missing limbs and stood up to her captors to push the off the shelf solutions she had intended to use for a certain idiot.

"You helped out with Liz's arm, but don't get used to this treatment," Illya warns as Miyu eats the final bite.

"That cold and warm contrast, you really do make Rin look obsolete in comparison Illya!" Ruby chimes as my Master tries her best to let the comment slide.

Despite how warm and friendly Illya could be, the Einzbern had no real concept of something like "mercy" and Kiritsugu was probably the least qualified to teach someone else such a thing. The man was petty when it came to games even against Taiga. However, both father and daughter did not like being indebted.

"Just letting you know, I'm still contemplating about stuffing her into a stuffed animal, but judging from her bear pyjamas, I feel like she might be the type to enjoy that instead," was the remark Illya makes to cement her position as Emiya's enemy.

"Dresses like a stuffed animal, but collects human sized dolls. That's quite a gap," was Ruby's praise.

"I kept those dolls around just in case S-shirou needed them," was what Miyu tries to clarify, but the instrument of the Second Magic had always lived in its own parallel world.

She had called her brother by name and no longer sported eyes like his as if the mystery around her was slowly unravelling. I had no memories of such a girl. Her specs were certainly too high to pass as Emiya Shirou's biological sister in any world. Her magical capabilities were certainly high enough for Illya to readily acknowledge her as a sibling despite all her misgivings. She should have been nothing more than a stranger at best and suspect at worst. She certainly wasn't doing herself any favours with her behaviour so far.

"And not for yourself?" was the frustration that slips from my lips and was Illya's cue to bombard the poor girl with questions.

"That's a good question. How did you survive? Did you spatially displace a Noble Phantasm so it only looked like it pierced through you or are you better at fixing yourself than others? Do you have an artificial heart? How did it feel to be betrayed by your own Servant? What did you hope to accomplish saving her from Berserker?" was Illya's unhinged enthusiasm.

Miyu was taken aback as the strongest personality she faced on a daily basis was probably Taiga. Sella was staring daggers, but her gaze eventually softens as she pities the child who bore the name of the family traitor.

"I-I...don't know," was the small girl's admittance that there was no greater mystery or conspiracy that only adds to Illya's frustration.

"Don't know? You don't know much of anything do you, but it's not like anything you do has any logic to it in the first place. How does that brain of yours even work?...Sella could you bring me that drill again? There's something here to modify other than an arm or a leg," was the order Illya gives, but Sella doesn't move and my body moves on its own.

"May I suggest I handle this? It's clear that nobody here but me is remotely qualified with interrogating anybody."

"Really? You didn't say anything when the bigger Emiya was with us, Archer," was the fact Rin digs into.

"Let's just say I have more experience than I would like with trauma victims."

Ruby floats to my side and above my shoulder.

"Suspicious. Very suspicious. How old were these trauma victims you were comforting?" was the trap I stupidly walked into.

"Who would we report him to?" Liz chimes in.

Miyu stares at me with judging eyes. Even if Avalon's protection remains, painful things are still painful. The Einzbern most definitely knew the answer as to why the small Emiya survived Saber's blow because they were the ones who gifted Emiya Kiritsugu with the relic to use as a summoning catalyst in the first place. The Einzbern were privy to share that knowledge with my Master or the girl who unknowingly possessed it. However, they were at a loss at the girl's true identity even with their 1000 year history, but competent magi do not leave behind evidence.

"Are you choosing her side this time, Archer?" Illya asks of me, but no words came out of my mouth as I desperately rack my brain wishing I was still in the kitchen.

Under pressure, Emiya Shirou had claimed that Miyu was a descendant of the Sakatsuki family that had settled in this city roughly 400 years ago. The children of this supposed Sakatsuki family possessed the trait of "wish granting" suspiciously similar to the one the Einzbern possessed. These children were once revered as gods by the locals when high child mortality was the norm. Magi were naturally hermits that sought to protect their secrets. If such a family really existed, it was only logical that they would deliberately make themselves scarce because there would be no end to magi interested in abducting their children. Within an hour of the death of her parents during the 4th Holy Grail War, the Emiya family was conveniently available to adopt her. In Sella's mind, Miyu's existence was nothing more than a breach of Einzbern secrets and evidence of Tohsaka incompetence.

Rin was my Master and we were in this together for better or for worse. She wouldn't let anyone else bad mouth me but her.

"Enough. We already know that this girl has no mental defences, though we can't discount any geas the Magus Killer might have put on her. Maybe she's just pre-conditioned into accepting Saber as an ally or maybe she can't comprehend the difference between herself and Saber under the Saber Card's influence?" were the explanations Rin posits.

"No, that's not it Rin and that's why you fail as a magical girl," Ruby chimes as she turns towards Miyu.

"Even if a friend turns on you, you'll save them because that's just what a magical girl does. An Ally of Love and Justice," Ruby blares the things I least wanted to hear as I tighten my fist unseen by anyone else.

"No, I'm not anything that amazing," was Miyu's self assessment.

"You're being modest!" Ruby chides.

"If you're not anything amazing, then what does that make me?" was the statement Illya makes.

"An ordinary girl like me," was Miyu's sincere answer.

"Then you must have a skewed sense of ordinary. Not even Shinji over there is ordinary. If the Second Owner has her eye on you, don't you dare use that as an excuse," as Rin's gaze narrows.

Despite all her pride, the Einzbern princess does not find the remark insulting as she simply smiles.

"Again, what makes you think I'm anything like you?" Illya asks.

"There was something you wished for that wasn't granted. You came to this city, wishing for something else. ...People from the moment they are born, continue to wish for something, so in that regard, there is no difference between us and everybody else. For myself, I...," as Miyu stumbles over her own argument as if noticing the contradiction that I was all too familiar with.

"And?" Illya chides.

If it was Emiya Shirou, I wouldn't have cared and would have thought nothing of it, but no matter how much time passes, I couldn't stand people suffering in front of me. Even as my memories erode away, I'll always remember that day; a pair of eyes that looked down at me and the voice pleading for me to live. I thought not of the fact I was saved, but the fact there was someone to save me. I had nothing and there was nothing remaining in me so I admired the first thing that came into my sight. Emiya Miyu was indeed an Emiya like the others before her and that wasn't a compliment, but I didn't like how everyone was ganging up on her.

"It could just be a heavy dose of survivor's guilt. It's not unthinkable for those who survived the fire."

I direct my gaze at the girl I was always avoiding up until now. Her eyes were no longer the same sheen as his, but it was still very much a cruel thing. It was frustrating.

"Whatever you may feel, there was nothing you could have done to change the outcome."

"No...that's...," the small Emiya tries to argue.

Illya sighs as if she heard something funny and doesn't hesitate to verbally attack her baby sister.

"What could you possibly even remember back then? Like you said, people's wishes are fickle things. It's all in the moment nonsense right?" as Illya pulls no punches with a condescending smile.

Miyu's eyes glaze over at the person who said such words in shock as if she was betrayed. It was a new expression that she did not make even as Saber pulled Excalibur from her chest. I called it nothing more than survivor's guilt, but that was where the inconsistency lay. Judging by the girl's age, she should have been nothing but an infant back then who wouldn't know the difference between a miracle and a tragedy. The Emiya Shirou of this world still had something when he met Emiya Kiritsugu which led him down a different path where he cared for things more than ideals. Her memories of Emiya Kiritsugu should have been nothing more than a haze, so how did she become this way? Maybe I was projecting too much. From Illya's assessment, Miyu was anything but empty; a girl who possessed all the world's blessings. In that regard, Miyu had more in common with Saber than Emiya Shirou, but Illya was still unquestionably Kiritsugu's daughter.

"So you can stop your own tears like faucet. So you realized they won't work on me? You see, there's no reason for me to pity you, but I would like to say that I'm actually thankful to you. I really am," as Illya hums to herself.

"..."

The girl who was left alone in that winter castle had psyched herself up to relish moments like these. The passing week is something normal people would abhor, but for this small homunculus, this was probably the best week she's had in over a decade. This is the most she's gotten to talk to people outside the castle so she likes to ramble on about anything be it birds or her revenge fantasies. The girl had nothing, not even mercy, so she could not be expected to give it.

"You've known Saber for less than a week, minutes less than my Berserker and she betrayed you, but you still decided to save her? Is it because you know there are no consequences at all if you get hurt or do you actually enjoy getting hurt? Do you fancy yourself some kind of invincible hero or are you just a masochist? Or, did you do all that just to spite me?" Illya asks.

Miyu's gaze gives way to an uncharacteristic frustration at the person she couldn't understand.

"If there was someone in front of you who's suffering, someone you can save, would you just abandon them?" was Miyu's simple answer to her big sister.

Illya turns her gaze to the two maids that served her, before turning her gaze back to Miyu. The Einzbern princess contemplates her next action before letting out an exasperated sigh, but my own frustrations slip out first.

"Are those your own feelings or are you copying someone else?"

I knew of a man who harboured a wish; for everyone in this world to be happy and nothing more. It was a childish ideal that all young kids grow attached to at least once, but childhood dreams naturally fall apart on their own. Happiness requires sacrifice and that is something all children are forced to accept when they become adults. But for now, the Emiya in front of us was still a child in spite of all the tears she had shed so far. It was more than a little irritating. The man who wanted everyone in the world to be happy was unmatched in his ability to make children hurt themselves.

"That's what anyone would do," she says to me as if it's the most obvious thing in the world in a way only children could.

"Would do or should do?"

It is only natural for a child to falter in front of the words of an adult, let alone a child whose primary experience with an adult was someone like Taiga. She had a brave front, but I could tell that she was desperately holding back tears. I must have looked absolutely ridiculous trying to argue with a literal child and Illya agreed as she kicks me in the shin with little effect.

"Bullying her is my job!" Illya berates me as I realized what I was even saying.

Illya makes her advance as she storms in front of the girl I was scolding with their faces mere centimetres apart. She pulls closer and rests both hands on Miyu's ears. She makes a quick glance at me with daggers in her eyes before turning her gaze at her baby sister. Her eyes soften as she lets all the biases she clung onto drain away. Those raised by the Einzbern can only deal in extremes.

"Close your eyes. I'll send my mind into your memory and I'll judge for myself if you're crying about nothing or not. The pressure of your 10 years shouldn't be anything compared to the thousand of the Einzbern," was Illya's mercy; something I myself was unable to give even if I wanted to.

Despite what the Einzbern raised her to be, her hands could still hold onto something.

Chapter Text

Traversing through another's memory...

"I don't want to die...," was a man's voice I couldn't match to a face.

"...please save me...," was yet again a stranger's voice.

"...my daughter please..." was yet another.

"..it hurts...it hurts... please..." was yet another.

"...help..." and another.

"Someone save...," another.

"It's...not fair...," another.

"Why? Why?" another.

Another.

Another.

So many that my mind couldn't even process them properly anymore. I don't know where I am, but there was something warm trying to reassure me; a warm hand?

"I don't want to die...please save us...the shadows...my son...please god...spare my son...bring my parents back...it hurts...it hurts...it hurts...," were a thousand of screams that assault my head.

My head hurts, but my body doesn't react. I didn't know what was going on. The voices fade only to be replaced by more and more. These were the death cries of people I didn't know. The screams of people I couldn't see, but I could hear them. I could hear their desire to live; their wish to be saved.

"...shadows...begone!"

Then there was silence.

The light was harsh and I couldn't see a thing, but when it came to, I couldn't comprehend at all what I was looking at. There was the smell of smoke. What was this place? Eyes adjust. In front of me was a crater that stretched all the way to the horizon where the setting sun bathed the world in its glowing warmth. Was this really Fuyuki? Around me were the ruins of a house or maybe even a shrine, but it wasn't the Emiya residence I remembered even if the style was similar. In the corner of the eye, I could spy a forest of bamboo. Where was this? The boundary between outside and inside was collapsing. Move you idiot! Don't you understand you're going to die? The body does not respond.

"Don't fall just yet," was a foreign thought that pierced my head.

The trembling roof becomes static as if answering someone's command. My body is jolted and I was pressed against something warm. In the corner of my vision was red hair. Shirou?

"The journey has ended, Shirou. I will use this child and in this land of Fuyuki, humanity will be saved."

Awaking from a jolt...

When I open my eyes, I'm back at the Emiya manor and everything was fine. Everything was fine. Everything was fine. Behind the pillar was someone who was terrible at hiding. Shirou? He eventually reveals himself. He's certainly worse at hiding than Kiritsugu. Was this really him? He was a lot younger than the Shirou I knew of, but that was because...

"Um, Miyu is your name, right?"

No, my name is...that's right...this is her memory...did I really let myself be swept away? This girl has no mental defences. I'm looking through her memories through her eyes. It's fortunate that Rin can't hold this against me. I try to process my situation, but my thoughts are broken by an awkward voice.

"I-I'm Emiya Shirou. Pleased to meet you," was an awkward introduction befitting of the Shirou I have come to know.

"Emiya...Shirou," this body parrots.

"Right, that's my name."

"Emiya..Shirou," the body says like a broken record. How old was she supposed to be?

"Shirou's just fine," he insists.

"Shirou."

"Right, since we'll be living together now, were... like a family," he says as if he's second guessing himself.

"Like a family."

"That's right and that other person who locked himself inside is Emiya Kiritsugu. He's my benefactor, mentor and an Ally of Justice," as the boy explains the current situation.

"Benefactor...an Ally of Justice?"

"Yeah. I lost my parents due to an accident when I was small. And Kiritsugu saved me back then. You see, Kiritsugu is a weird person. He has an ideal to bring eternal peace to this pain and suffering filled world. So, my benefactor is an Ally of Justice. Ah, I guess what I'm saying doesn't make any sense to you. Hehe," as he awkwardly laughs it off.

This body doesn't understand a thing, but I knew there was something he was holding back.

"Oh, it's about time I made the food. Is there something you want to eat in particular?" he asks.

"Not really."

"Then, is there anything you hate?"

"No."

"Okay, sit tight and wait for me."

I wanted to call him back, but this was only a memory. The course of events was absolute.

"...nothing more than the means to save everything."

The days pass...

The days pass and it was so very boring, though I guess ball games are pretty fun. Learning to cook is pretty nice too. Cleaning the balcony was...get a hold of yourself, you're an Einzbern princess! My mind was certainly getting confused, but it wasn't being subsumed. I didn't know the reason. Was it the innate resonance of our souls? Installing a Heroic Spirit was something I learned from watching her by instinct. I assumed it was a simple application of my "wish craft", no stop thinking.

I had a cleaning rag in my ...her hands.

Enough of this nonsense I tell myself. I couldn't be swept away by this comfy humdrum life! I need to take control and take charge. I haven't learned anything new about Miyu or Shirou at all! Stuck in this tiny place for weeks on end...at least the Einzbern Castle back home was huge! Even if snow surrounded the place, there was plenty of room to run around.

Legs were itching.

I drop the cleaning rag and make myself as quiet as possible. Shirou was cleaning another part of the house right now, so it was the perfect time to explore this place, but there wasn't anything out of the ordinary. This place is almost exactly like the one in the real world. There was nothing for me to see here. I tip toe across the hallway and I could make out some nasty scent; cigarettes.

The body was screaming for fresh air.

I make my way to the door and it was then I hear a chime. A bounded field went off. If this was the real world, then I wouldn't have let this slip by, but this was only a memory and it cannot be strayed from. My thoughts did not matter as I was only a passenger along for the ride. At least this body wasn't covered in bandages or bleeding from those grafting surgeries, so it has nothing to complain about.

There was the gate.

How did the air over there taste? Was it different from the air I have tasted up until now? I wanted to run and the body responds with vigour. Strength wells up and this body practically flies. So this was what a healthy body was like?

"Time Alter: Double Accel."

The body is jolted violently and my mind almost passes out.

"Ha?"

My feet don't touch the ground and something was constricting the neck. The body couldn't breathe...

"Kiritsugu! She can't breathe!" was Shirou's voice from the distance.

I'm dropped onto the ground and my back is smacked hard. The contents of my lungs rush outward.

*cough* *cough*

Oxygen enters my lungs once again, but I wasn't the only one having breathing problems as I hear the grunts of a fully grown man that expelled cigarette smoke.

*cough* *cough*

I turn my head to the source of the smell, but before I could make out his face, something grabs onto the wrist as the eyes shut tight by Miyu's instinct. Two rough fingers are pressed against the neck to check the pulse; cold to the touch. As I open my eyes, I'm met with the face of an absolute stranger. He was unshaven with stubble and sported crazed eyes. I remember that spiky hair and I remember the bags under those eyes, but the strong smell of cigarette smoke from his breath was something I didn't know of. Those scary eyes settle down, but this man wasn't my father, yet he was still Kiritsugu. A Kiritsugu I didn't know. The Kiritsugu I vowed to kill for betraying me. I didn't want to look at him. I didn't want to look at him. I try to turn my head away, but he pays no heed to the distress he was putting his daughter through.

"Vitals...normal..," was a voice far colder than the papa I remember.

His expression relaxes as if relieved, but still tense. He retracts his fingers, but he doesn't let go of my wrist. It hurts. My face winces and his grip quickly relaxes as he processes what he had done. He rubs the bruise trying to calm me down. He didn't want to hurt me, but I could tell that it wasn't something out of fatherly instinct. After concluding that I was fine and that I won't run away, he produces a cigarette from his sleeves and lights it right in front of me. Familiar eyes produce a seething glare, but he hides it away as he understands how ugly he must have looked. He opens his mouth, but his voice wasn't directed at me.

"Listen carefully Shirou. This is a strict order. Do not bring Miyu outside. Do not let anyone notice her. If you do not do what I say, getting discovered will be inevitable. People like us who want to steal that miracle..."

Tainted the memories my heart still treasured despite everything that happened.

Stop. Stop. Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Despite everything grandfather had said. Despite everything I suspected. Despite everything Kiritsugu betrayed and all the oaths he had broken, my heart wasn't ready. The papa in my memories should have loved something even if that something wasn't me. I could accept being abandoned for someone else, but I couldn't accept being abandoned for nothing. If my father loved nothing, then he has betrayed nothing and thus all my feelings up until now are nothing. If this was true, then Miyu has stolen nothing, because I was given nothing from the start.

No.

Stop. Stop. Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop thinking, stop thinking, but the body doesn't understand and I'm forced to look. Shirou rushes towards me and tries to reassure me, but I had no control over the body. A Kiritsugu like this, a papa like this, a childhood like this, a lie like this, I don't want to know anything about it! Disappear. Disappear. Disappear. Disappear. Disappear. Disappear! Just Disappear!

"Have you ever regretted being born?"

Emiya Kiritsugu passes away.

He disappeared from this life just like that. Shirou had plenty of tears even if he hid it well, but this body had none. Kiritsugu only ever really talked to Shirou. If there was something to cry about, then it was nothing more than a reaction to Shirou's distress. I was born knowing my mother's fate and I prepared myself for her passing, but the Miyu in this moment in time didn't even have a concept of despair. Homunculi do not require an education as they are born knowing everything required fulfill their function, but Miyu wasn't like that. She knew nothing, had nothing and if it was up to Kiritsugu, she would have stayed that way. She was deprived of any sort of education that human children are supposed to receive and Shirou made no real attempts to address it.

This wasn't "normal". This wasn't "ordinary". This wasn't making any sense which was saying something considering what I am.

The months pass by uneventfully as I experience life caged in her body, caged in this "house" and she makes no attempt to escape it. While Shirou was at school where naughty children go, Miyu stayed inside alone with no one to visit her. If there was one thing she had in common with an actual child, it was endless curiosity and Shirou wasn't too protective of his school books.

One day, Shirou catches her with his school books, but he doesn't scold her. He simply brings her more books, but not much else. Besides the basics of speech, Miyu learned everything she knew on her own without anyone else. This Shirou couldn't really be considered a brother, but at least this Emiya Shirou was getting closer to the one I know who was more like a mother.

This girl's world was simply this house, books, Emiya Shirou and nothing more.

No grandfather, no maids, no servants, no castle, no Einzbern forest, no Mercedes-Benz 300SL and I couldn't believe that I was actually missing those things. At the very least this place wasn't perpetually snowing, but even I knew that snow in August wasn't supposed to be a thing in Kiritsugu's home country, but he was a liar through and through.

These memories had to be a lie.

A small girl would stay at home as the good girl she is and stare at pictures of the ocean in her textbooks waiting for her family. To her, the world was a wondrous place, but it was a place she could never reach, but never questioned why. The world the books described was hardly doing well with shifting poles, mass extinction, irregular floods, irregular droughts, famine and wars. Even so, such a world never stopped being wondrous place to her. Books were one of those few luxuries of the outside world that were afforded to her. She tried to desperately imagine the expanse of the endless sea, while the country she lived in was situated on an island.

I remembered myself doing the same once upon a time.

She trusted Shirou or rather he was her only source of information besides the books he picked out for her. This body takes everything Shirou says to heart believing they are for her own sake. Benefactor...an Ally of Justice? Still something else was itching at the back of my mind. These memories completely contradicted the Emiya family photo albums I had pilfered in the real world. The overly energetic brunette that clung to Kiritsugu in the family photos was nowhere in sight. Where was Sakura in all this?

The years pass by.

Night descends in the memory world once more and I find myself on the veranda.

"Thanks for the hard work, Shirou."

"You're still up?" Shirou asks.

"Yup. I'm looking at constellations."

"Constellations? I didn't know you were into something this delicate and romantic," were Shirou's words that would have sounded awfully suspicious to anyone else if they were around.

It was only natural for her to love looking at the sky, because the sky was the only piece of the outside world that was afforded to her. There were birds that come and go, the only visitors to this place; a cage called home. At the very least, the girl knew that the night sky she saw was the same sky for everyone else. Some called "space" the final frontier and for ninety nine point nine nine nine nine nine nine...nine...percent of the world, everyone was subject to the same cage called Earth.

"The movement of constellations and stars should have no meaning beyond physics. That's why I want to know the reason why books like these use pictures to give special meaning to the arrangement of stars. "

This girl was never taught common sense because Shirou wasn't much of a teacher.

"Did I let you read too many books?"

"Hm?"

"The old man used to love to look at the stars from that very spot," Shirou had to say as if that man was ever a proper father to anyone.

"Kiritsugu? Why?"

"I wonder...maybe he was making a wish to the stars?" Shirou elaborates.

"Don't tell me, the arrangement of stars have magical effects?" Miyu says with genuine surprise.

Don't pity her. Don't pity her. Don't pity her. Don't pity her. Don't pity her. Don't pity her.

"Er..I don't think so. It's probably something like an aria. To direct our small wishes upon the stars," Shirou tries to explain, but his explanation was awful.

"Not towards the moon?"

"Nope, not the moon," he says.

The girl looks towards the sky and the stars. She lived in a narrow world, but there was nothing for her to wish for because she had everything she needed. No, that wasn't right. People from the moment they are born, continue to wish for something. Most of those wishes never come true, but this girl had the ability to grant them. Of all the wishes she could have come true; the only thing she wishes for in this moment was simply this:

"If I could fulfill just one wish...then I want Shirou and I to be true brother and sister."

That was all.

"Such a thing, could never happen right?"

She was completely ignorant of her power.

"No, how could it not happen?" her brother scolds her with glistening eyes.

Half her wish had already come true.

Morning comes again...

"I'm planning to take you outside," was the bomb Shirou drops.

"Out..side?"

"I know it may be hard to take that in right now, since your world has been confined to our home, but now I want to...," were his words that are naturally drowned out.

"If we're going out, I want to see the ocean!" was bottled up energy that couldn't be contained.

Don't pity her. Don't pity her. Don't pity her.

"Haha, you got it. The ocean's not too far from here. We could even walk," he admits.

"We can?"

"You gotta earn it by studying though. How about we start with traffic laws...wait, maybe ethics?"

"I'll learn it all right away. You can count on it, Sh...no...Onii-chan!"

He doesn't deserve to be called that just yet.

The promised day...

She had prepared herself for this day. She stares into the mirror and makes sure that her outfit is perfect. A hat hid her hair and a scarf covered her neck. She stares into the eyes reflected in the mirror that were now just like her brother's instead of red with a stupid grin. A switch had flipped within me. So cute! Mama wouldn't approve though. Stop thinking. Stop thinking.

She runs to the front of the gate where her brother was waiting.

"It's finally time. Are you scared?" he asks of her.

"Scared? Why would I be? You're right here with me Onii-chan. So what in the world do I have to be afraid of?"

Everything.

Instead of the ocean or any other place a girl would like to visit, he takes her to this place instead where a crater hogged the horizon. I remember this place; a ruined shrine. This was the site of Miyu's earliest coherent memory. Staring up at her were small towers of stone and there was no ambiguity for what these were supposed to be.

"What are these?"

"They're you're real family's graves. Do you remember? This is where you and I first met. It's also the place you were born," her brother says without tact.

Don't pity her. Don't pity her. Don't pity her. Don't pity her. Don't pity her. Don't pity her. If you do...

"My home? My mother's...everyone's graves?"

"Kiritsugu and I buried them all...we couldn't save anyone besides you."

Save?

"It's strange...No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to remember much of anything, but I can still recall the warmth of my mother's hand. I was alone, but then you and Kiritsugu came and rescued me."

"No, Miyu. At the time, Kiritsugu and I didn't really save you. "

"Eh?"

She doesn't understand. She doesn't understand. If she was lucky, she would never need to understand, so why did you take her to this place? She's your little sister! That was the only "truth" this body knew, the "truth" that was enough to move her to tears, but it was all a lie.

Don't pity her. Don't pity her.

"Why we came to this place and why we later took you in wasn't for your sake," he admits right in front of her family's graves.

My mind had already produced the most logical and heinous explanation.

"Onii-chan...what are you saying?"

He doesn't deserve to be called such thing...

"It was because we wanted to...use you as a tool to invoke a miracle."

"To invoke a miracle...a tool..?"

I didn't know if it was the body I was inhabiting or me that wanted to scream, but couldn't. She doesn't understand. I didn't want to understand. She doesn't understand anything her brother was saying, but how could she? Everything she knows is from him and he has been lying all this time. She was just... No, this truth may be far worse. Einzbern women are born knowing what they are and their ultimate fate, but my little sister had nothing of the sort. Despite this, she was still a Holy Grail capable of granting wishes, but her only wish only half came true.

A Holy Grail.

The Magus Killer simply stumbles upon a Holy Grail within the hour of the deaths of her parents? No, Shirou wasn't telling her the whole story. How could he if she was making such a face with broken tear ducts? What was he going to say? That her "father" killed her family in order to abduct and groom her?

"But Miyu, now I just..," as Shirou tries desperately to figure out a way to sugar coat what had happened 5 years ago? The dates weren't matching. The dates weren't matching at all. Were these memories I was surfing through fake? I remember the smiles they shared; it would be too cruel if they were.

"That's boring. That's the most boring development ever...," was a voice I have never heard before.

I turn around to see a complete stranger in glasses even if his clothes were familiar. Shirou's school uniform? He must have been Shirou's classmate. He takes off his glasses and crushes them because he doesn't need them. Clinging to his ankle was a little blonde doll that was too "perfect" to be human. Was she a homunculus?

"So you were the one, Emiya Shirou!"

A sense of familiarity?

"Julian? Why are you.."

First name basis? Friends?

"That's the one without a doubt, Erica?" the new face says without emotion.

"Yup. Most of the characteristics are probably gone, but the container is intact," the small blonde girl says.

"I've always monitored the area. If someone intentionally enters...they either must be from the Sakatsuki family or a thief!" was the accusation this "Julian" makes.

"What are you...," as Shirou tries to rationalize his own uncomfortable revelations.

"Five years ago...the attack that swallowed the town...the pillar of light that removed it was activated from this very place. I've been searching for it for so long, for the miracle of this world and the thief who stole it," he spits out.

Instead of producing Noble Phantasms from thin air like I have come to expect of him, Shirou simply takes out a tape measure to measure up to his enemy. He is all that stands between the juvenile alchemist and the grail.

"Run, Miyu," was the order he gives, but this body's world up until now was simply the house, books and Shirou.

"Run? Where?"

In the approaching enemy's eyes, Shirou was nothing. With a casual gait, with his bare hand he grabs onto Shirou's makeshift weapon.

"What is that? Reinforcement? Pathetic. Are you going to kill me with something like that?"

Red blood drips from the reinforced tape. Shirou had drawn blood from his enemy, but it was Shirou who was distraught.

"Julian your hand!"

But his enemy does not listen. I myself wouldn't.

"Fall," was his enemy's order.

The ground beneath Shirou shifts and he finds himself in the sky, freefalling. Was this displacement? He lands with a nasty crunch.

"Gah."

This body may not be able to tell, but I knew Shirou wouldn't be killed by something like that. The enemy was only toying with him or more likely didn't want to kill. If he adjusted the y-coordinates of that spatial displacement just a tad higher and Shirou would have certainly fell to his death. Was this mercy? That mattered little, because his eyes were always trained on the grail as he approaches me. I should have the ability to defend myself, but my little sister wasn't me. This body can only do what she could do back then, which wasn't much of anything. A memory was a memory and nothing more. There was no reason for me to care about what has already transpired and yet the heart of this false body aches. Shirou was taken out so easily, so this body's chances were zero and the alchemist boy makes that clear. He isn't real. He isn't real. He isn't real.

"Sakatsuki Miyu. From now on, you are something that belongs to me."

My vision is enveloped by a bloodied hand and the world blacks out.

"The very rules of the world are being rewritten. The exact cause is unknown. It's likely to be something unknown to humans, but it's undeniable that the planet's mana has begun withering away. Plant life has declined; the animals that feed on them have died off in large numbers. Humans are of no exception. This world's end is near, but humanity is something you can save."

I open my eyes and realize I had no control of the body...

It's a large circuit. Multi-layered crests carved onto bare rock over 50 meters in radius. Grand circuits covered the area in many layers arranged in elegant shapes, but they differed from the ones I knew of. This had to be the cavern where the Greater Grail sits, but there was no Greater Grail because at the center of it all was me? The specifics don't matter. I already knew the purpose of this place and none of it made any sense. The dates and events did not match the ones I knew, but there was no point in fabricating such elaborate memories. I could escape this world at any point I wanted to and yet my heart clung to this place.

Even if this world sprouted from dubious memories, I wanted to see it to the end.

The false body I inhabited had already given up hope. If anything else, even if these memories were fabricated, the despair this body feels is real. This heartache, this despair of knowing that one's family was something fake all along. I knew the feeling all too well. This isn't something that can be so easily fabricated without drawing from a genuine source.

I was alone in this place on top of the altar.

This was the fate I had prepared for as the Lesser Grail Vessel. This was the fate I was bestowed by being born into the Einzbern family. This was supposed to be an honour, so why was this body holding back the tears? The only person she had in this world wasn't here. He was probably dead if he didn't have the sense to run far away. There was no reason why he had to involve himself in something so troublesome. There was no reason why he should appear right now.

But he does.

He stands victorious over the Holy Grail. He has cuts all over his body and he had no one to mend them. He was tired, hungry and hurting, but he forces himself onto the stage. It looked like he could collapse at any moment, but he stands. His face was sunken and his eyes were weary, but he forces out a smile.

Miyu doesn't understand, but I did.

"Why did you come? Back then, you said it yourself...that the reason you and Kiritsugu took me in was to use my power...that I am just a tool...So then why...did you come here..." as the body asks stupid questions.

"I'll continue tell you what I really wanted you to know, but couldn't," his voice pleading for someone else to live.

In his hands were the Seven Class Cards. With just his self, he had staked his life and his body and won the Holy Grail War. That's what it meant to stand here on the altar. There were surely things he had lost and things he had to cut away himself. He had cut down at least six others to get here. His body was a wreck and he looked absolutely miserable, but he was smiling nonetheless. Not even death could steal way his smile at this moment because he had fulfilled his duty. Was he going to fulfill Kiritsugu's wish? Was he going to save the world? No...

"It goes without saying...I'm your older brother. So I have to protect my little sister, don't I?"

He was merely fulfilling his half of the wish a certain girl had made to the stars.

That was all.

"It's been one mistake after another with me, so this might be one too," he says with genuine care.

There was no reason for this body to be crying at this moment, but people don't just cry when they are upset.

"But, for this alone is true...I wish upon the Holy Grail...I pray you find a world where you won't have to suffer any longer. I pray that you meet kind people. I pray that you find friends you can laugh with. I pray you find… a second chance….a warm, small…share of happiness….," was his real wish.

People can cry out of happiness too and I could not tell if my tears were hers or mine.

Chapter Text

Above me was a starlit sky too beautiful to be real.

My fingers were intertwined with the man I loved in a white world of treasures that had nothing but warmth. This may have been nothing but a dream, but the expression on his face was something I had never once seen before. Teary eyes filled with a happiness I couldn't hope to fathom, but if he was happy, I too had to be happy. I could not deny him. His hands were strong. His hands grip mine so tightly that it hurts, but I was used to pain as a Matou woman. This was a pain that I was proud to bear and all I had to do was accept his powerful suffocating embrace. He had honed himself daily in order to not lose anything when the time came and one of those things was me.

Steel is his body and fire was his blood.

It was only natural for me to bruise when pressed against such a thing as I melt away like snow. I could only fuel his fire as I drain away. I couldn't help but cry to know how much I meant to him. I couldn't help but cry knowing that I was able to do at least something for him. He couldn't hear my voice anymore, but I didn't have the strength to speak.

I must be dreaming because reality is never so kind.

When I reached too far and faced down my betters with power that wasn't mine, the world struck me down. Right then and there with the power of the oldest king slipping through my fingers I should have died instead of grasping something more precious. This moment right now might not be anything more than a final lie my brain was frantically making to put me at ease after doing something so foolish. For all I knew, I was hallucinating in the Matou basement. After losing all of the world's treasures in a street side scuffle, I shouldn't have been able to grasp this new height of happiness.

I will savour this dream, this warmth inside of me and I hope to never wake up from it, but my body was tired...

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. If I ran away with you back then, you would...I couldn't save you...but ... what I'm saying must not make any sense to you...but Sakura...I..."

An alarm goes off.

The alarm continues to ring telling me I wasn't dead, but I let it runs its course. My body was completely spent. Maybe it was all a dream. I was sore all over and all my joints were screaming, but above all else was the heat that covered me. In the corner of my glazed eyes was a burning fire, but as my vision sharpens, the hazy flame was actually hair.

"S-senpai?"

His eyes were closed and his cheeks were wet. The ceiling was unfamiliar and a part of me was glad it wasn't. I was at the peak of happiness right now, but I understood that peaks come with valleys. As I force my body to move the grip of his arms desperately tighten. When I looked at his face which was now in anguish, I could do nothing but stop.

I offered him my mana, but...

My head was hurting and I couldn't stop smiling, but I needed to get my thoughts in order. What was I doing right now? My eyes drift to the hem of her black nightgown before I stare at the mark on my hand that wasn't there anymore.

Saber?

Standing over us, watching over us was the blonde lady knight that was supposed to be by Miyu's side. Gone was her shining armour. The emeralds she had for eyes have given way to a dull yellow, but Saber was still Saber. Rider was gone and Miyu right now was alone, yet my heart was in peace. In place of her parents, we needed to get back to her and for that reason Shirou and I had...

I really am a bad girl.

In the moment I could spare no thoughts for anything else except for the warmth I knew I didn't deserve. After giving him what he needed, the correct thing to do was to push him away, and rush off to save his sister, but my body doesn't listen as I snuggle closer. I couldn't stop basking in this afterglow.

Something like this can't be forgiven.

"S-sakura?" he calls my name as I must have made an ugly expression.

Shirou and I had always kept secrets from one another, fearing that the truth would cut our tenuous relationship off. It doesn't need to be explained why I love him, but I still did not understand why he loved me. Even after all this time and all that has happened around us, he did not have any questions about me. My "brother" Shinji had dismissed him as a simpleton.

"The purer someone acts, the dirtier they really are."

Shirou levelled many questions at Saber who was consumed by my shadow, but he had none for me. He always looked away from my shadow because he didn't want to push me away and that was why I knew our feelings were mutual. I had always treasured him as one of the good things in my life, but for him I must have been something more. I didn't understand his intense feelings, but mine were just as intense.

Love didn't need an explanation, but that was a lie.

The reason he cherished me was a secret he kept to himself because he believed the truth would push me far away. Was it something shallow? Was it something merely carnal? The man who was just a year older than me shouldn't have had any issues with popularity. He was self reliant, dependable, strong and righteous to a fault. In terms of physique, he didn't lose to professional athletes. With a warm smile, he was someone who gave others peace of mind simply by existing, but he didn't smile in front of just anyone. Plenty of people in fact found him somewhat unapproachable or even scary which made it hard for Miyu to make friends close enough to visit. Over the years, I had always kept myself somewhat distant, but that distance now has been reduced to nothing overnight.

"Shirou," as I call him by his name with courage that wasn't there before.

My body itches in a cold sweat and I scan the room for the Card? That's right; the card was no longer in my possession so they were acting up. They were simply monitoring devices I told myself as I feel my strength sapping away, but that was wishful thinking. If it weren't for them acting as redundant organs, Caster's Master would have succeeded in killing me that night. After Caster was gone, there should have been no more threats to me, but her annoying Noble Phantasm remained. Grandfather was surely punishing me for being so stupid. The nostalgic biting sensation underneath my skin intensifies until it was something I couldn't recognize.

It hurts...but it wasn't anything I wasn't used to...this pain confirms that this is reality...

The weak don't hesitate when shown the bellies of the strong. The power of the Card, the power of the King of Heroes was more than enough to keep the influence of grandfather's worms at bay and without it I was nothing. Without that Card, things would naturally go back to how they...

No, don't think about it.

There was nothing more in this world that grandfather feared more than death and nothing he sought more than youth. The Gate Babylon contained countless instruments of certain death as well as the potion of youth that the Babylonian King of legend had once sought.

"...hah..."

It was only natural that I would be punished at the first opportunity. Grandfather should have been nothing, but if that was really the case I should have squashed him years ago. It was only natural because I was nothing. It was only natural because I was cowardly. However weak I am, I needed to look strong because Shirou was with me. I was trembling, my breathing irregular and my nerves spasm uncontrollably as I try to hold in my scream.

He holds me tighter.

"Sakura?" my name breaks my trance, but my vision spasms as something brushes against the back of my eye socket.

My body was numb, but feeling was returning...

I was still in bed, but the bed was cold and sterile. My body hurt all over, but the spasms had subsided. There was someone sitting by the bedside watching over me.

"S-senpai?"

"I'm sorry to tell you this, but I'm not your lover," the seated figure responds and I remember this voice back at that restaurant that served food that was guaranteed to give indigestion.

This place was that godforsaken church wasn't it?

I stare down at my own body and the blanket that covered it. By the bedside table was a kidney dish filled with dead worms. My body had stabilized. My vision sharpens towards the source of that stranger's voice and I see the ardent fan of Mapo tofu; Kotomine Kirei.

"Do I need to explain to you your circumstances?" he tells me.

"No, it's my own body so I understand it perfectly."

He wasn't someone pleasant to talk to and he found pleasure in that fact.

"I wasn't asking about your body, but if you do not wish to listen to me you don't have to," he says.

Kotomine Kirei was Tohsaka Rin's legal guardian, Tohsaka Tokiomi's apprentice and the overseer of the Holy Grail War dispatched by the church. He was an eyesore, but I could not go against him because he had caught the eye of someone else I knew all too well. That person was the very reason why I deliberately avoided this part of the city.

That person wasn't here right now, but that was no reason to be relieved. This was the last place I wanted to be as I rush to get up.

"Pace yourself; it would be regrettable if you died from overexertion when I poured so much effort into the surgery," he says.

"Why do something so unnecessary?"

"It was the young Emiya's behest. Personally, I too would prefer for you to live to the very end. It's a shame Emiya Kiritsugu isn't alive right now. It's always delightful for those in agony to increase in number," was his admission to some sort of connection to the Emiya family.

Fuyuki was a small city after all; all the magi would naturally know each other though that may have been lost on Tohsaka Rin.

"Are you just some washed up villain who misses his hero?"

"Perhaps, but what I have learned is that there's nothing more infuriating than a woman dying satisfied right in front of you," as he mocks himself.

"Who was that woman?"

He ponders a bit.

"...You're going to have to be specific," he says bluntly.

I didn't have time for this. I look to the side and find my clothes. I quickly put them on.

"Where's Shirou?"

"He's waiting in the other room. I won't judge how the young conduct themselves, but as someone who practices magecraft he never learned how to not make a scene," he tells me, but it was not kindness.

The man in priest robes found joy in the same things as grandfather, but the difference was that this man was no coward. He was always strange. Even with the Card, I had no real power over him, but the fact I'm still breathing is only thanks to him. I couldn't avoid talking to him.

"Gilgamesh, he's out there too isn't he?"

"He's out on a walk with Saber doing some catching up after ten years," the strange man says.

Saber participated in the Holy Grail War ten years ago and Gilgamesh was her final opponent. Grandfather had told me that the 4th Holy Grail War ended in failure. The remains of that failed Holy Grail that Saber once sought was fused into my nerves.

"You've obtained such a thing once before haven't you? You know firsthand of its power. This world was something you wished for wasn't it? If this world did not turn out the way you wanted, your path should be obvious. Reclaim the Holy Grail and take back the past with me," were the words of Saber last night that ring.

Under this church was a secret.

It was in this very church that Saber discovered the truth Shirou risked his life to seal away and the truth that Miyu uncovered which drove her eyes red. Truths are cruel, but people are compelled to uncover them. People were naturally masochists. It was only natural to be a little curious, but I knew very well that it could destroy the world I have come to believe in up until now. It was nothing less than Pandora's Box. The man in priest robes must have been privy to that same truth, so why wasn't he shoving it in my face?

"Emiya isn't one to listen to me, but if next time he's the one that needs treatment, know that I'm still keeping those spare organs of his ready anytime."

Spare organs?

The door opens and there was Shirou who didn't look amused.

"Emiya, didn't I tell you no one can enter until the surgery is complete?" Kirei asks him.

He moves in between me and the holy man.

"You should think about sound proofing this church. Confessions are supposed to be confidential," Shirou points out.

"If I did, would you confess your sins, Emiya?"

"And would you confess yours, Kotomine?"

"Would you like to know about Sakura's, Emiya?"

My heart stops.

"Don't," were words that naturally left my lips.

The circumstances may not have been the same, but there were only sinners in this place and none of us believed salvation would ever come to us. Everyone in this room knew the others to be liars. Everyone in this room had something they had to hide. In our home there was an unspoken agreement to avoid mutual destruction, but this place was not home. We have been hiding for so long that truth eludes us, but it is still there.

"You kept things from your sister and you were met with the worst possible outcome. Even now, you're keeping things from your lover. You should know that every lie we make incurs a debt to the truth and that debt will have to be paid sooner or later, so why not confess now in the house of God?" he says with disappointment.

"Kotomine...," Shirou mutters.

"I'll start," he says with resignation.

"I killed Tohsaka Tokiomi," he says without fanfare.

"Tohsaka Tokiomi," was the name I repeat, but I felt nothing at all or it would be better if I felt nothing.

I cup my own mouth.

"The murder weapon I used was the Azoth dagger Rin still carries," the priest adds.

The priest in front of me was the murderer of the man who was once my father. I could not contain this feeling anymore as tears well up in my eyes.

"...Pfffff."

Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. My lips waver.

"Hehehehahahahahahahahahhaahhaha!"

The laughter bursts from my sealed lips. I could not contain the laughter.

Was this how I truly felt? The Gilgamesh card was no longer in my possession, so this feeling must have been mine and mine alone. I could not suppress my laughter, but Shirou's voice breaks my trance.

"Sakura?"

He had grabbed my shoulders with a worried expression. My laughter was quickly replaced with shame. The murder victim should have been nothing more than a stranger to him, but why did he make such a sad expression on his face? I was disgusting through and through. Did Tohsaka Rin tell him about her father and about me? The reason he knew did not matter. Emiya Shirou knew the truth.

A good girl shouldn't laugh at her own father's death and I felt ashamed, but for no other reason than that I was destroying his sacred image of me. Evidence of what I am was always in front of him, yet he always looked away in denial or he never cared for it. After everything that happened up until now, there was nothing left to hide anymore.

"I'm sorry; I'm not the person you believe me to be."

The Sakura he cherished must have been an amazing girl, but he was no longer looking at me. He was only glaring at Kotomine because deep down, Shirou had always known who I really was.

"It's the same for me," Shirou mutters.

"No, it's not you're... I killed people and thought nothing of it...I'm laughing at my father's death...one of the Masters was a school teacher...and I..."

"You're right, my sins are far heavier," he confesses to reassure me and I didn't understand a thing.

"I made my wish on the Holy Grail and condemned an entire world to death. I wasn't born in this world. Under this church's basement is the husk of this world's Shirou that I replaced. This is not my first Holy Grail War and you are not my first Sakura," Shirou confesses without looking at me.

"..."

He did not have the courage to look me in the eye.

"Condemned an entire world to death?" the priest says to himself as he tries his best to hide his envy.

"I'm sorry, but unlike the old man, I'm no hero of justice and it seems I'm a greater villain than you'll ever be. Gilgamesh must have had quite a time as you racked your brain for 10 years," Shirou bites back.

"..."

The priest doesn't say a thing and he even looked a bit annoyed. Shirou wasn't letting the priest enjoy his confession, but the priest was the same as him.

"And this Matou Sakura in your original Holy Grail War died in front of you? That must have been hard, but why is it that you let this Sakura suffer alone over 10 years? Couldn't you have saved her with your second chance?" the priest retaliates.

"That's...," Shirou falters a bit.

"It's because a Matou Sakura that hasn't suffered is not the Matou Sakura you love," the priest grins, but he could not win. I couldn't allow it.

"I don't need saving."

Butting in their stupid talk, I grab Shirou by the wrist.

"The crest worms have already been removed so let's leave this godforsaken place and save Miyu," I say.

I wasn't just reassuring him, but myself. I was already saved by the Emiya family so it was only natural that I save it. There was no point in dwelling on a painful past or my silly hormones. What I needed to do was never clearer. I lead Shirou away, but before we could leave the room, the priest has to open his mouth once again.

"Not all of them," were the priest's words that stop Shirou in his tracks and he wouldn't budge.

"Then why haven't you?" Shirou asks.

"The lowliest things always make the biggest impact. Regrettably I am not a miracle worker. After 11 years they have fused with her nerves and continue to eat them. Normally, these worms would be relatively harmless, but once activated they'll voraciously consume her magical energy. It's only natural that she doesn't have much mana to give to others, but that didn't matter to you in the spur of the moment did you, Emiya? Well, neither did Saber. Honestly, it's a miracle that she's still conscious. Even the one who implanted them would be unable to remove them. You would have to rely on something like a Holy Grail."

"That's all the more reason to save Miyu quickly," I say again as I tug on his arm and through the door.

There was no reason to speak with that fake priest any further and the less I have to deal with Tohsaka Rin's stupid problems, the better. I could laugh at father's death, but it seems I couldn't bring myself to laugh at my sister's situation. She's probably the only magus in this city besides Miyu who has yet to kill anyone.

The sun was still out...

We decided to take a rest under the shade of a nearby tree. We haven't walked that far from the church and I was already this exhausted? Senpai drapes his coat over me as I lean onto him. As we sit in the grass, he looks away ashamed.

"You're not angry?" he asks.

"Angry about what?"

"Everything?" he says.

"Honestly, I never really cared what you were hiding, but that was the same for you wasn't it? As long as you were by my side, it didn't matter."

"No, things can't stay like that forever. That's why things turned out like this," he says defeated.

"I..."

At first, he wasn't sure what to say, but he was someone who could do anything if he put his mind to it. The things he buried, the things he sealed away, he brings himself to tell me even if it was painful for him.

"The world I came from wasn't like this one. From shifting poles, famines and ecological disasters, it was slowly becoming uninhabitable. The world was slowly leaking mana and life was predicted disappear in the next few centuries. The world was ending, so Emiya Kiritsugu and I who was his apprentice at the time sought a miracle to save it. We came to Fuyuki city searching for a child of god that would grant that wish and we found her after her entire family had conveniently died. She would have died too, if she hadn't granted my wish to save her."

This child of god, this Holy Grail must have been Miyu. Was he responsible for the death of her family? I couldn't say anything if he makes a face like that.

"We took her in and lived in a house exactly like the one you know. Kiritsugu died without finding a way to use her when I was twelve. All we could do was seal her inside the house and shield her from residual thoughts she might have interpreted as wishes. The only thing we knew was that in order to save the world, Miyu had to be sacrificed. I promised to carry on his work, carry on his justice, but I was only a third rate magus who barely got the basics. Even if I wasn't, I..."

He turns his face away as he continues his story. The Emiya family home in this world was my sanctuary, but that same home in that world must have been a cage. Every day he would wake up to the smile of a small lamb he had promised to kill in order to save everything and he didn't have it in him.

"By day, I was nothing more than a regular high school student you could find anywhere, though that world's Fuyuki didn't have as many people. I had a best friend in Julian, a real Ally of Justice. Then there was Sakura with whom I could take a break from everything. With her, I didn't have to think about saving the dying world or about justice."

His story was honestly unbelievable, but there was nothing but honesty exuding from him.

"Then one day Miyu wishes for me to be her real brother. I couldn't lock her inside the house anymore after that," were words that shouldn't have contained any shame.

A world that condemns a small child to suffer for the sake of everything else isn't worth continuing. It may have been nothing more than my own personal bias. It may have been nothing more than my own projection. However, even if everyone else in the world denies it. For me...

It couldn't have been a mistake.

"Kiritsugu had warned me about taking her outside and in the end he was right. There's always some fool who wishes to save the world, forcing others to do what they cannot do for themselves. The day I took Miyu outside was the day she was kidnapped by my best friend. It turned out he came from a long line of alchemists who also sought to save the dying world and that Miyu was the Holy Grail that he was searching for. He beats me down, but Julian didn't have the heart to kill me back then. My injuries were treated by that world's Kotomine and that was when I learned of the Holy Grail War, but it was pointless. I was just a third rate outsider. I couldn't break Julian's bounded field and I didn't even have the qualifications to participate in the Holy Grail War. All I could do was wallow in my own powerlessness, until Sakura..."

The Sakura who wasn't me; the Sakura he longed for all this time.

"She told me that she was a part of the Matou family, one of the three responsible for the Holy Grail War and at that time I thought she was going to finish me off as a loose end. I asked her if she was lying to me all this time. I yelled at her and screamed at her, but she didn't run away. She didn't give up on me even after I had given up on everything else."

For him, Sakura was a heaven sent saint that would never betray him even if he betrays himself.

"She told me that if I wanted to save Miyu, all I had to do was win the Holy Grail War or I could run away from everything with her instead. Whatever I decided, she would support my decision..."

Frustration forms on his lips.

"B-but Julian had always suspected her and had her killed in front of me. The murder weapon he used was an alchemically made doll in the image of Shinji who died years ago."

The desperation in his voice was painful, but that was how much he had cherished the Sakura he had lost.

"After her body hit the snow, the only thing I had left was the very Card she offered me and that was then I obtained the power of Counter Guardian EMIYA, an alternate future of me that managed to become a hero. After that, nothing else mattered because I had nothing else. The other contestants were just poorly made dolls just like Shinji. The Holy Grail War was just a sham to trick Heroic Spirits into answering the call. It didn't matter which doll won because they were all under Julian's control whether they knew it or not, except for me. I won the Holy Grail War and my wish."

There was no pride in what he did as if his victory and his survival was a sin. For him, there was no uncertainty that he would win because he couldn't lose after losing everything.

"I didn't care about the world. I didn't care about what would happen to me. I simply wished for Miyu to find a world where she could be happy...but maybe a part of me selfishly wished for a second chance to have done everything differently."

Was this world for Miyu's sake or was it for his? That was the question he had struggled with all this time. When he first laid eyes on me, a doppelganger of the girl he would never get back, what went through his mind? Regret? Despair? Elation? Relief? Happiness? Maybe all of those things at once. I couldn't comprehend his feelings and maybe I never would. His circumstances are too outlandish, but there is one thing that is true.

"Whatever you wished for, this world is the miracle you obtained, so I'll protect it with you."

I'm not the Sakura he lost and his feelings for me may have been meant for her, but I'll stay by his side. I lean on him as he leans on me. If we can't forgive ourselves, then we can forgive each other. Were we heroes fighting against an unfair world or villains who only cared for the world they saw? Good or evil? Pure or impure? Virtuous or loose?

None of that matters.

Matou Sakura will take Emiya Shirou's side and support him as she has always done just as he supports her. The world is indeed cold and harsh, filled with malice and suffering beyond all hope, but it isn't so desperate a place that one cannot find a small shred of warmth.

It was warm here. I'll rest here for just a bit.

I hear voices...

"The faker and his counterfeit you have brought here, I tolerate only because of you."

"Then what of the past 10 years?"

"Did I not extend the same courtesy to that thieving knight of yours ten years ago? The only reason anyone breathes is because I allow it, but death is hardly something to abhor. Instead of giving them sweet release, it's more fitting for them to stew in their own sins."

"The dead have nothing to agonize over and suffering is limited to the living. Is that why you think ill of my wish?"

"If you have to rely on these children, then you should already know the answer you foolish woman. You no longer shine as brightly as you used to, but no matter, I'll still show you my love until I grow tired of you, Saber."

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Cold was the blowing air and the snow beneath my toes in a white wasteland where only I was alive.

The only warmth I could feel was the warm blood that covered me. I stood against the wind as wolves lie in broken pieces scattered all around me. I stare at the foolish creatures before dismissing them from my vision. The land around me was nothing but snow, wind and blood. Some of that blood was mine, yet none of that mattered. This place was the domain of the Einzbern and I was their masterpiece. My head was burning up, but it wasn't just the fever or hypothermia settling in. For me, the cold should have been nothing but a heat sink to quench my overdeveloped magic circuits, but the cold and my wounds were the least of my pains. There was something that hurt far more as if my head was being split open in every direction. It hurt, but I found this pain reassuringly calming because I knew I wasn't alone. Mama was gone and papa was gone, but I had someone better who was more than a ghost.

He was a monster who towered over the cold white world, but he wasn't scary at all. He was the only one who gave this world color.

Born as an affront to the goddess of marriage, the demi-god was denied the life of a father and as a husband. The 12 labors were supposed to be an eternal sentence, but he overcame those trials and ascended, but his trials were yet over. He was denied the life of someone's father and I was denied the life of someone's daughter.

Our path from here on out may be nothing more than folly, but this is the only path for us.

Born as an affront to my mother's marriage, that little sister of mine who denied me the life that was supposed to be mine; it was only fair for her to share in our labors…

Warm.

Warm hands were pressed against my ears, but they were far too small to have belonged to anyone who has ever looked after me. Were these hands mine? My hands grip the wrists attached to my ears and I feel the soft caress of fine strands that weren't mine.

I open my eyes and see the red reflected in them. Eyes filled with tears and strands of moonlight.

"Illya…"

She brushes off my hands before they could brush her face, but her gaze doesn't drift away and I couldn't look away. I was never the best at reading people, but even I could feel her thinly veiled anger as her fine brows crease.

"You really are blessed aren't you?" was all she asks of me.

"I am."

That was the truth and there was no other answer.

"I'm sorry."

I was blessed. I was undeniably blessed. With the world at stake, there was someone who threw away all the other wishes in the world for my sake. The world that wasn't good enough was thrown away and I was gifted this one. That was why I had to protect it. This was a world where I was supposed to be happy, but I couldn't even grant his wish if it even was his wish. The fleeting happiness I obtained was always at the expense of those who protected me and I'm always late in expressing my gratitude. The mother I don't remember, the only father I have known, the one who became my brother, a sister I did not know, friends I took for granted and countless strangers. Saber had every right to abandon me, but it was Rider who paid the price. The person in front of me already had her suspicions. The person in front of me has already seen what I really am. The person in front of me already knows my sins, but that is why I can confess them.

"The power to grant any wish in front of him and he wished for my happiness because he was my older brother, but he was my brother because I wished for him to be….."

The sweet memory I treasured condemns me and I confess my sins before the most suitable judge. I stare at the Holy Grail that wasn't me, the white haired girl who wasn't as blessed as I was. The family that should have saved had condemned her. The maids that served her were here to ensure she fulfilled her duty. Her hero despite his will was summoned for no other purpose than to ensure that she fulfilled her duty.

"And?" is all she had to say in response as the floating thing next to her twirls about with what looked a camera lens.

The duty she carries will crush her to death, but not her pride and I was the opposite.

Illya was a lively girl with many expressions, but never hesitation. Hair that sparkled in the light, she was always dazzling; so much so I couldn't even register the danger when we first met. When I first met her she was smiling; she genuinely looked happy, but right now she wasn't smiling. Not sadness, not anger, I couldn't comprehend at all what she was feeling despite seeing her memories as well. My memory became hers and hers became mine. If there was anyone in this world that could judge me, it was her and only her; this world's Holy Grail.

With the power to grant any wish; judging me was the only wish she afforded for herself. If it was something that small, there was no excuse for me not to grant it.

"Whatever you wish of me, I will grant it," I say.

I wish for my words to come true, but I knew what happened to Rider.

"Then stop crying and smile," she asks of me with a bright smile that makes all others she made before look like a lie.

Surely my ears were malfunctioning because Illya's expression sours.

"…."

*slap*

Something flashes before my vision and something stings my cheek.

"Whoa!" was the voice that comes out of Illya's floating magical wand.

Illya held her outstretched hand that was responsible for the pain and delivers another slap across my other cheek.

*slap*

Her hand strikes true, but it was hardly enough to leave a mark. Berserker did not stir so I knew Illya didn't want to kill me, so I was prepared to take repeated blows, but the next blow becomes a caress. Her hand was far too soft considering the frostbite they were subjected to.

"You're lucky you have a cute face, so I'll forgive you just this once," she says with a voice sweeter than honey.

If anything else, as she wipes my tears away, my foggy mind clears as I realize we weren't the only people in the room.

"The more time I spend with you Einzbern and Emiya's, the less and less I seem to understand," Rin interjects as she witnessed the entire exchange.

"It's a power move!" Illya's magical wand exclaims.

It was only a momentary distraction as face I lock my gaze with my judge.

"So these are the Emiya wiles that Kiritsugu used to seduce mama…naughty," Illya mutters.

"…..?!"

I didn't understand anything she was talking about as my mind becomes muddled again. I could understand despair, but I could not describe what I was feeling right now.

"Emiya wiles?" the voice of Rin and voice of Illya's magical wand intersect.

"Kiritsugu liked to act all forlorn in front of people less blessed than he was. He was surrounded by people who led more miserable lives than him, yet they drowned him in their love until they had none left for themselves. He was so blessed, but those feelings weren't worth anything to him," was the small sneer my judge produces.

"…. …..People's feelings aren't worthless…he….," was the argument I form on my lips.

People's feelings had value, but the argument that takes shape in my head was hollow. Feelings weren't worthless, but they could not be quantified on the same scale as lives. A life that is lost can never return, but as long as someone lives, there is always the chance to obtain happiness, but my heart wasn't satisfied with that answer.

My happiness should not have outweighed a world on a scale, but that was the outcome at the end of a Holy Grail War.

At the end of a Holy Grail War, ten billion small lights were exchanged for my life and my happiness so I knew for certain how much my life was worth. I had an obligation to be happier than anyone else, but my heart could not tolerate someone who could be happy at the expense of everyone else. The Holy Grail that wasn't me had arrived at the same conclusion.

I needed to pay for my crimes, but I didn't have anything of equivalent value to pay.

Human lives had value, but was that the same for human feelings? People who always cry will have moments where they smile. People who always smile will have moments where they cry. Feelings were transient and fickle things that can't be quantified very well. If something couldn't be quantified, then how could it possibly have any real value?

"Kiritsugu wanted a world where nobody cries, yet did not place any value on human feelings especially his own. If human feelings had any value to him, it was only as another tool to destroy his enemies. He was a fool that made everyone around him cry…... No, he never gave mama that luxury," was the frustration that escapes Illya's mouth.

"Have you ever seen Shirou or Sakura cry?" she asks of me.

"No..."

In front of me, they were always smiling, but they were people who could keep smiling even after losing everything. Human beings could have that kind of strength so I had no excuses for myself. Rider was gone because of me and her eyes were always hidden. I was guilty, but the more I bowed my head, the angrier Illya became.

"I thought I had let my tears run dry and I thought only anger remained. As long as I vented out that anger, I would be smiling, but it seems suffering is the only result when dealing with an Emiya," she says of me.

"….I'm sorry… I'm sorry for being born," were words from the bottom of my heart.

*crash*

Something breaks in the kitchen and I rush towards the sound as my instincts carry me. For a moment I had forgotten that my father was no longer in this world. Beneath the feet of the Servant in the red coat were broken plates. Beside him was a maid by the sink who was absolutely dumbstruck.

"Archer?"

"Sorry about the plates," the Servant says.

"Maybe I should have asked Leysritt to put the dishes away after all?" Sella says.

Illya and Rin were standing behind me, but their focus was on Archer.

"I'm sorry Emiya, but it seems my Archer has a talent for breakings things," Rin says.

"….It's fine," I say.

"Is that what you always say to yourself? Nothing is fine. Nothing is fine and nothing has been since I showed up into your life with this Holy Grail War. It's fine to get angry. The life you escaped, the happiness you tried to obtain, you must hate me for destroying it all," Illya confesses her own frustrations I could not understand.

I couldn't comprehend her words even after seeing her memories. The difference between our lives was night and day. This world we both lived in was a product of a wish for me to be happy. Over these past 10 years, the harder her life got, the happier my life became. Her feelings were justified and my memories should have reinforced that belief.

"….on the Holy Grail, Shirou wished for a world where I could be happy and I was, but what about you? What about everyone else? If my happiness is predicated on everyone else's suffering…then…it's wrong for me to be angry…I can't discount the possibility that you were born to suffer in my place."

To everyone but Illya, what was coming out of my mouth must have been nonsense.

"What nonsense. You really believe this world didn't exist before you came along? Well, it seems Kiritsugu's arrogance rubbed off on you then," Illya directs those words straight at me.

"….Illya…what is Emiya talking about?" Rin asks and Illya's magical wand answers.

"You had me stuck in the basement for the longest time, but your head can't connect the dots? Wow, maybe the other two families were right, the Tohsaka really are slow!" Illya's magical wand exclaims.

"…I know what you are talking about, but it just sounds…..so this Emiya came from a parallel world?" Rin concludes.

"They both did," Illya reveals.

"Shirou fought and won a Holy Grail War. This world was what he wished for. A world where his little sister doesn't need to suffer and can be happy and she honestly believes this world didn't exist before she immigrated here," were words Illya says clearly.

"A world where I can be happy, I world where I wasn't even born… I'm sorry for being born…..but the fact I'm here must mean that I'm lying. If you're being kind to me right now, are you sure it isn't because of that wish?"

Illya raises her hand once more, but stops herself.

"Is there something wrong with your brain?" she asks of me.

"Nothing is wrong."

Everything was wrong, but my mind has never been clearer.

"Nothing is wrong? There are people who wish for you to be happy. There was someone who wished for you to be happy and only you over an entire world. I don't understand," she screams.

"But that's wrong."

My memory was hers so there shouldn't be any question. There shouldn't be any argument. It was wrong for me to be happy. It was wrong for me to be here. The world I left behind. This world that he wished for me…

"This world…."

"Okay stop talking, enough of your…. Emiya nonsense, I already saw your memories so I already know what you are going to say. I was envious before, but I'm even more so now, but that's why I can't stand you acting this way!" Illya yells.

My body was trembling.

"Then how should I be acting?"

"By my command seal….." Illya invokes as garish marks glow across her blemish free face.

The air tenses and materializing in front of me was the demi-god Heracles. In some ways, we were similar. There was someone that could not forgive our existence. We ourselves could not forgive our own existence for sundering the lives we wanted more than anything but to cherish. Before summoning Saber, there was no reason for me to have survived against him. Even in his madness, he must have hesitated, but children are frail; it was thanks to the cards I was a little tougher than his own child, but having lived a second life, I was a child only in appearance.

"Berserker, you shall not harm Emiya Miyu, Emiya Shirou or Matou Sakura under any circumstances."

The giant kneels, waiting and I stare at the girl who gave the order.

"What are you…"

"My Berserker is the strongest hero of them all. He can beat every other Servant directly, so this isn't even a handicap," as Illya cuts me off and gloats.

"So Rin's character is really rubbing off on you hasn't it my Master?" Illya's magical wand chimes.

"The Command Spell engraved on her body doesn't have a limit; she can always override it so that order doesn't mean anything. Also, what character?" Rin interjects.

"Tsundere?" was a male voice coming from another room.

"What was that Shinji?" Rin responds.

"…eeep!…."

There was only the sound of footsteps before Leysritt enters the room with Shinji over her shoulder like sack of potatoes. Illya walks over to her with arms crossed around her before turning her head to face me once again.

"That aside, the gist is that you'll be able to return to your happy ordinary life soon," Illya says to me with a smile.

"But this world is….."

"You really are insufferably self important just like daddy. This world exists beyond you. You're merely an immigrant, so be thankful for how kind this world was to you, but that was what your brother wished for after all. This is the world he wished for you to live in, but the world is just another word for the things you value. If you value family and friendships as you claim, there is no reason for you to be crying all the time. To be happy is your only duty. If you really believe human feelings have value, then you have to respect the will of others like papa never did. Your wish is not the only one that matters. A happy life is what Shirou wished for you to have so you shouldn't give it up so easily just because it makes some random strangers sad," she tells me.

"But you aren't a stranger…..you'll…."

"I'm not planning to sacrifice myself for you if that's what you're thinking, but I guess Emiya's are conditioned to expect that sort of thing happening," she says as she giggles.

"Easy on the death flags Illya! Do you know how hard it is to find another toy...I mean...contractor?" her floating magical wand chimes.

"Then what will you do?" I ask of her.

"I'll win the Holy Grail War. It's as simple as that," she says.

"But as the Lesser Grail, as more and more Servants perish, as you take more of them into your body, won't you die just like your mother did?"

"Unlike mama, I'm a Master in this Holy Grail War and you really think the Einzbern were stupid enough to send a Master destined to die before the Holy Grail War is over?" she says.

"Yes?"

I didn't know why, but Illya became even more agitated.

"Besides, why do you care? Your world was a happy place until I came along weren't you?" she says.

"There isn't anything in this world I don't value….. I love this world... I love this world so much... You included!"

"It's a confession!" the magical wand chimes.

"Don't pay any heed to it," Illya says.

It was then I realized I wasn't crying anymore. I was even….smiling?

The sky becomes dark as everyone makes small talk around the living room table…

"But that's the thing Illya, what are you planning to do against Saber?" Rin says.

My hands were no longer cuffed, but without the Cards I didn't have any real power. All I could do was listen in as the remaining Masters of the Holy Grail War discussed their next plan of action.

"Has the threat really changed? We were always going to have to fight Saber. It turned out Sakura wasn't much of an issue in the end with things like Ruby by our side and now she's lost her Card. Considering how we took out Sakura, that Heroic Spirit the Card is based on shouldn't be too tough. Shirou in the end is just a knock-off of Archer and he was only able to escape because you wasted your Command Spell remember?" Illya says.

"Shirou escaped?"

There were important things no one mentioned until now, but it seems Illya has given up on hiding anything from me. As I parse through the flood of memories I obtained from her, I felt I was being swept away.

"But now we have you, so negotiations are really their only option unless Saber strong arms the two of them. Besides, didn't you see my memories? Let's just hope your brother is less rash than you and doesn't rush in swinging," were Illya's words for me that bring me back to the present.

"Shirou…..doesn't have anything like a Pegasus, though grandpa Raiga did give him an old motorcycle that was apparently too dangerous for anyone to actually ride…. ….….a Yamaha V-max?"

"That thing next to Taiga-sensei's moped? Honestly, I was expecting your brother to come here to negotiate with us by now considering we have you…but just to be clear to him, you aren't our hostage or anything. Even I lived at a safe house when the Holy Grail War was happening 10 years ago…this is just an extension of that….," Rin explains.

"Yep, you just ignored curfew and ran around chasing a serial killer because at the bottom of your heart, you are a magical girl of justice, though I guess you're too old to be one now…," Illya's magical wand chimes again.

"Isn't Illya actually older than I am?" Rin argues with a sneer before her face twists in dread.

"Everyone down!" she yells.

"Rho Aias!" was Archer's voice reverberating across the rumbling ceiling and then there was a flash of light just like that day Shirou had found me in the old world…...

Chapter Text

"Why do you resist? Why do you not accept it? Why do you cling to humanity? Britain must fall. You must perish. If this island is to be defiled by human hands one day, then I will bring it back to its original form. I must turn Great Britain into hell. A paradise of darkness forever uninhabitable by man."

A windowless room lit only by candlelight...

With a hand on his chin and his elbow against the king sized bed of otherworldly silks was the enemy I could not defeat whom Shirou claimed to be Gilgamesh. It wasn't too long ago that we shared a drink at the Einzbern estate between kings and now we were sharing a bed, but for him it was 10 years ago. Patience is a quality of a good ruler and I could not comprehend what he was wasting his patience on, but that was true of the king who preceded me from before I pulled the sword from the stone. I had no illusions to how I myself came to be. I had no illusions of the king I supplanted or the dragon I slew. I had no illusions to the problems I inherited. That was all the more reason why I strived to be the perfect king. A king should solve problems and not cause them, but none of the Heroic Spirits who claimed to be kings followed this rule. They were all tyrants who only followed their own desire and thought nothing of the world they would left behind once their journey was over, but what of this world?

Gilgamesh.

He was so close that I could feel his breath which gave away his now mortal nature. No longer encased in gold, there was nothing to stop a blade from cutting his bare skin. Before the Grail, he was the final obstacle and it was the magus who summoned me who ruined everything in the end, but I was no longer bound to any Master. After bathing in the mud of the Grail we had become part of this world with no need for Masters to anchor us and that only cemented the fact we did not belong, but that wasn't any different from the world I lived in. Neither of us could call ourselves purely human, but as kings we had decided to side with humanity, yet only one of us embraces it. He caresses the black nightgown I had chosen and he only laughs. His hand traces my body before resting on my chin.

"The threads beneath us are finer than what covers you, my little king of knights," he remarks.

If I spent another 10 years in this world indulging in the food of this world, would I grow just as lackadaisical? No, Gilgamesh was always this way; in his mind that is what it meant to be king. He saw no one as his equal and thus gods had to create one to put him in his place; his only equal. His heart had no room for anyone else. After all his tales and his bluster, I only had one thing more to ask of him.

"If I agree to be your wife, then are you willing to give me the Grail as a dowry?"

A smile forms on the face of Uruk's former ruler as he scans my paltry figure with no one to admonish him. His disappointment could not escape my senses. Through the depths of history through the mystery he commanded, he reaches for a golden goblet of the finest drink, but from the fragrance it was a different one from the one he shared 10 years ago. He swirls the liquid treasure in his hands and I gaze upon my own visage reflected.

"The Grail...A vessel to collect miracles with no observable form; people's wishes, but after bathing in them for yourself and tasting it, you should know how worthless it really is. The mongrels of this era do not so much wish but curse. Please allow yourself to cleanse your tongue because I don't want to taste anything foul," as the crownless king offers me a sip.

I take the drink, but I couldn't taste anything. A drink without food was hardly noteworthy.

"It was by bathing in that mud that you're still here."

"And you've kept me waiting for 10 years silly woman. What can that little cup offer you that I cannot? Did you not already run through two of them with your blade? Did you not see the dreams of that little princess, of all that she had escaped and what it all amounted to? Haven't you already made up your mind by presenting yourself to me, your King of Heroes?" the tyrant taunts evermore.

"I can't say any of the heroes we've met were eager to bow to you."

Blood red eyes were trained on me, but hidden behind them was not of hatred, contempt or disgust, but a greedy desire just like curses I bathed in. The moment I give myself to him is the moment I'll lose my value, but that was no different from when Camelot was under my rule.

A king does not belong to any one person.

I spent my life encased in steel. I burned all other desires but one. I swung my sword without rest, cutting air, flesh, enemy, ally and my own blood alike. The dragon who looked down upon me and the child that looked up to me were pierced by the same lance. To reach that place everyone yearned for I had to become the perfect king before anything else. To cling to humanity, I had to throw away humanity. This path I have chosen was indeed correct.

"And yet you're begging for me as mere girl," he remarks as he grasps my solid hips.

A king does not beg or bow and this tyrant doesn't want a mere woman. To be acknowledged as king I needed undisputed power in the sword in my hands, lineage in the blood that flowed through my veins and a queen by my side before I could even begin to strive for perfection. With Avalon by my side, I would have reigned forever, but I will reign again.

"You may be the first King, but I'm the Once and Future King."

His crimson eyes steel themselves as he is disappointed in my response.

"Of course the dregs you coddled would wish for you to rule once again so much so it became part of your legend, but a flower is its most beautiful when its petals fall. I wanted to show you the pains and joys of life you had always ignored, but you still yearn for eternity," as his biting words give way to an alien tenderness.

"Eternity was once in my grasp."

"I gave away such a thing to the snake. This moment by contrast is far more precious," Gilgamesh jokes, but my instincts told me that he was sincere as he inches his face closer.

Shirou had already revealed his identity to me and the Grail grants knowledge of all legends on the Throne. I knew his story, but I knew more than anyone else of how all legends can be embellished and how all kings had things to hide. If I was truthful to my people, they wouldn't have accepted me as a king.

"You held a sword your entire life. You say you played the role of the man for Guinevere, so you must know how to pleasure one?" was his vulgar question before raising his goblet as a toast and downing it. My legend was nothing more than a comedy to him.

I can't say I was deaf to the idle chatter certain knights would make in the barracks while on campaign. I can't say I was deaf to the gossip about my own origins. There were things you would never say to your king, but this king of heroes did not see me as one from the start. I could not hide my disgust, but my gaze only evoked pleasure from him. I couldn't understand what he found so fascinating about my paltry body. I trace my right hand slowly over his solid abs. He certainly had more to grab onto than I.

"Yes, my hands have only ever handled swords."

The grin on his face breaks into uncontainable laughter.

"HehahhahahahaHAHAHAhehehahhahahahaHAHAHA," as he basks in the moment before his face contorts in unimaginable pain as a scream escapes lips.

"GAAAAAAAAHHHH," he cries as a blade pierces my gut sending me into a wall. As I'm temporarily pinned, golden shimmers surround me as he continues to scream. Blood drips from my hand, but it wasn't mine. Steel was harder than flesh. Blades of judgement were ready to fly in compensation for the wound I inflicted, but the king of heroes with bloodshot eyes was a hoarder. Hoarders would always need a moment before discarding something, but I was different as I bring Excalibur's hilt into my hands.

*shing* *shing*

With the patter of steel, blades continue to fly with the intent of piercing my flesh, but my sword does not lose.

*shing* *shing*

"Certainly nothing compares to my Excalibur," were my mocking words that seal my execution as the candle lit room is drenched in golden shimmers of unsheathed execution tools, but someone disagrees.

"But this life is not yet over."

"MONGREL!" was a guttural cry of malice more befitting of a berserker, but not even the words of my knights could wound my heart because...

"This false body was still made of swords."

The world falls away and the execution tools aimed at my life never reach me as cold steel comes in defence of the once and future king. Billowing around me was a blizzard and countless graves. The bloodied golden figure stands against the blowing snow or rather he does not even pay any heed to the change in the scenery. There is only a burning rage in his crimson gaze as he brings out everything to destroy his enemies. He calls upon new tools of execution, but in this white world, doppelgangers were ready and waiting.

In this war unlike the last, Emiya has lent me his swords.

There was no room to hesitate. Blades shatter against blades as I lead the charge with Excalibur in my hands as I trace the star filled sky. The blade lodged in my gut does not matter. Swords fall and swords rise, but I was no foreigner to this sound of clashing steel as I swing my sword in the direction of the enemy commander. As long as the symphony of steel can be heard, the battle was yet over. Blades without wielders cannot replace my knights; there was something only I could do at this moment. My bare feet launch against the cold ground with a burst of billowing snow. Golden chains were ready and waiting, but my feet do not fail me as a dragon's blood flows through me. Countless glinting chains seek to ensnare me, but countless blades were ready to tangle them.

The enemy king was without clothes.

"Enuma..."

The world shakes at his words and in his hands was a sword that may have surpassed mine, but my calloused hands were faster.

*shing*

Certainly faster than the one he had remaining.

*shing*

A head without a body plunges face first into the frozen ground before I could even register its gaze.

A king does not kneel and the corpse before me was still that of a king, but he no longer had anything to stand on. The body does not collapse, but the feet sink into the snow and into the sea of imaginary space beneath where Sakura was waiting. Shirou had described him as the strongest Card and in my own experience 10 years ago that was no exaggeration, but that was all the more reason to show no shred of mercy. This was the only consolation I could give to the knights who served under and fell by my blade all the same. Kingship is not decided by strength alone and I was not even a knight just yet when I pulled the sword from the stone. A king decides and I have never chosen wrongly and that is why I persist even in this melting white world of graves.

As the world melts away into the original one, the weapon in my gut evaporates as confirmation of Gilgamesh's end. The wound he inflicted was already closing as a surge of magical energy floods my body. Still, not all swords had dissipated.

"Gilgamesh is dead, Emiya Shirou. There is no reason for you to cling onto those blades and there is someone else you should tend to."

The killing intent in the air hasn't dissipated, but Emiya stills his blades all the same. In that sense, Shirou was the same as his father; he hated Heroic Spirits. He tried to bury that feeling, but I could always sense his animosity from the start.

"...," he doesn't say a word as he turns his back and runs towards the stairs as he makes a fatal realization.

I let my feet sink down through imaginary space to the source; Matou Sakura.

"...senpai...," she whispers and Shirou's clattering footsteps become louder.

She was writhing on the ground thrashing about trying to hold back the tears, but this was nothing more than indigestion. Shirou unlike his sister wasn't adept at the healing arts. Otherwise, there was no reason why he had to seek the aid of Kotomine Kirei and now he may have to contemplate another visit. As he takes the girls side, he could not hide the frustration on his face, but he out of anyone else should have known how strong Sakura was.

"You're involving Sakura in your schemes...," he says of me.

"Our agreement does not only pertain to you and I. She is your partner and has decided to fight alongside you, so it is only natural she bear some of your burdens, no?"

"You already killed Gilgamesh like we agreed, there was no reason to...," were words I cut off.

"She once wielded Gilgamesh's Class Card, so this sensation must not be anything she hasn't overcome before. Illyasviel was able to draw from a Heroic Spirit without a Class Card so I imagine Sakura can do the same if she truly is another Grail vessel as Gilgamesh had claimed. It's not wise to leave such an asset unused."

"You aren't supposed to be like this...," he mutters, but even he has no confidence in his words.

"You've known about Gilgamesh since the start and the basis of your magecraft is the natural enemy to his treasury. Did Kiritsugu not raise you for the sole purpose of countering him?"

"...It wasn't like that," he mutters, but there was no reason to listen.

"He was not the sort of man who would throw away a useful tool. Not a single thing was without purpose. Between me and first King, you deemed me the lesser threat, but to save your sister, you need me just like you need Sakura to wield the first King's power. In exchange for the Grail, I'll grant for you what it could not."

"If you doubt its power, why even seek it?" he asks.

"It's unfortunate that most people do not make wish with good intentions, but with curses instead. The Grail from the start was already defiled by human hands, but I am an ally of humanity."

A vessel of the Holy Grail is a gate, but Sakura who was pushed into this role by some unscrupulous magus could not form a proper lock. Even without that proper lock, Sakura had held on all this time, so there was no reason why she wouldn't be able to hold on longer.

"...Sen...Shirou...its okay...there's no arguing with Saber...our relation is nothing but an equal exchange, nothing more...she'll help us save Miyu...there is no reason to understand each other because we'll never agree...nothing else matters," Sakura reassures him as she forces herself to stand as she tries to ignore her very soul be eroded away.

Despite her words, Shirou only glares harder at me, but he knows how futile it is.

The expression on his face says it all and the contradiction was not lost on me. It was the same one his father made that was filled with self-disgust. Neither had pride, but there were things they would never abandon. As long as I had a use for him, he would not turn his sword against me regardless of how much he personally disliked me. His Reality Marble was the perfect counter to the Babylonian ruler's treasury, but that was all. His magecraft alone would not afford him certain victory against other Servants, just like that red Archer Tohsaka summoned.

I encase myself in blackened steel once more.

I look up into the night sky and then there was that golden throne that stood amongst the stars.

I still remember how Emiya Kiritsugu desperately searched for vantage points in this city, but the high ground is a meaningless thing when the sky is under ones rule. If the Babylonian king wished for victory, he would have claimed it on the very first day for few heroes let alone magi could fight against the sky itself unless they were an Archer, the very same class container he took up.

"Caladbolg."

A shooting star erupts from the golden throne.

"Rho Aius."

I make my charge as pink sparks light up the sky atop where the Emiya residence stood. There was no reason to fight the enemy on their own territory if they can be forced to flee. Archer would be the only Servant who could defend against this attack, but it is precisely because he could that Shirou even agreed to stand on that golden throne with Sakura by his side. In the sky, Shirou and Sakura were safe from the enemy, so I could hunt down the fleeing enemy Masters with impunity while they weren't looking.

*CRASH*

A wall rises from the dust in front of me; Berserker, the ever vigilant guardian, but it is not only my blade he has to worry about.

"Ex-..."

"Hrunting."

A red streak converges onto his position, but he swats it away with a golden double sided axe as I bring down my sword against his defenceless body as he erupts in pitch darkness.

"-Calibur!"

I sweep away half his body, but something pink diverts my decisive strike.

"Quintet Feur!"

The river of magical energy crashes against me and I set my eyes on Berserker's diminutive little anchor who shared the sky with the stars. She looks down at the torn ground and her injured guardian before setting her sights on the golden throne that was glowing red.

"Hrunting."

The red streak reaches her before she could reach the throne. She darts away and tries to escape, but there is none or should have been as the one armed warrior in front of me disappears.

"A Command Seal..."

The giant shields his Master's body, but that left others vulnerable to me as my eyes converge onto the routed enemy in the corner of my vision; Tohsaka, two Einzbern homunculi, a teenage boy and my former anchor, Miyu.

"Install: Rider."

As soon as I was on the border of her senses, she shoves Archer's anchor onto the winged horse and its natural instincts were to flee. Magi without Servants in a Holy Grail War were ultimately expendable things. Undoing the seal on her eyes, she directs here petrifying gaze at me, but I already knew of this trick as close my eyes. The wind will be enough to guide me. Someone hits the ground and the two homunculi maids draw cards as well? I cross the distance in an instant, but Miyu with her oversized nail ready to receive.

*clang*

In that small window, I redirect her weapon away ready to repeat what had transpired just yesterday, but this time my sword fails to pierce her as she weaves away.

"Installieren: Lancer."

*clang*

Something is jabbed in the momentary gap in my defence, but I use this shaft as a rail to guide my sword.

"Installieren: Saber."

*clang*

Fairy metal beats against fairy metal, but the air behind my opponent shifts.

"Gae.."

As soon as my ears register the beginning of that vibration, I shunt it away.

"Strike Air."

Something clatters on the ground as my blade weaves through a poor imitation as easily as air. In her hands was the very same blade as mine. No, hers was far too clean to be the real thing.

*squelch*

The life of a homunculi slides easily off my blackened blade just like so many others, but this was a battle of three against one.

"Bellerophon!"

I'm ridden down by Rider's mount as a chain wraps tightly around my ankle. My face grinds against asphalt, but this was nothing I hadn't tasted before. I had slain Rider with my very own hands, so I knew for certain who was commanding the beast. I plant the chain into the ground and into Sakura's imaginary space. Like a ramen noodle, the chain is consumed, but the girl who called me into this world wasn't so weak.

"Install: Archer."

I open my eyes and gaze upon her once again. Garbed in red and black, with a bow in her hands she notches an arrow as she descends to the earth.

"Caladbolg."

I shift my body, but the left half is blown apart as my armor spalls and digs into my flesh. I grip Excalibur with my one good hand and flick off the blood of the homunculus I had just slain. She dismisses the bow and brings to bear those familiar married swords. She used this opportunity to separate herself from the others. She wanted to settle this herself or had deduced my agreement with her guardians. Arcane fuel courses through my magic core.

"5 minutes until my left arm functions once again, Miyu."

She doesn't respond to my words and focuses everything she has. In accordance to Shirou and Sakura's wishes, no harm should befall Miyu, but nothing more. I had to get past her before her guardians realize that further bloodshed would be unnecessary for their goal, but not mine. All other Servants needed to die and Masters were the most expedient way to reach that end. I needed to find Archer's anchor quickly before Sakura has any misgivings.

"..."

Chapter Text

On the roof of a familiar home, Archer's arm was broken, his knees slack and the golden throne overlooks the night sky.

The red fluid dripping from his arm mixes with his coat as it patters on the tiled roof of the Emiya estate and he could only curse the fool in the sky, but he knew he himself was the bigger fool. He had let his biases color his actions and he only had himself to blame. When he saw the glimmer in the sky he should have acted quicker. It was a trivial matter for him to locate the enemy's firing position; it was hubris on his part for not foreseeing such an outcome. Archer could have deflected the twisted Broken Phantasm, but as the attack came from above, he could not allow it to get past him and strike the earth. He couldn't imagine Saber allowing such a tactic, but it seems the lens he viewed this world through was more tinted than he thought. The occupants inside the house he knew all too well had the sense to escape and he needed to cover them because this is precisely what the enemy wanted.

Vimana; powered by liquid mercury and flies at the speed of thought was taunting him from above.

The power of flight was not something to be trifled with; in another time it was once considered Magic. Almost all of mankind's wars had been limited to the ground and sometimes the sea, but it was after the age of mythical heroes passed that mass scale war would be taken to the skies. The army that controls the sky uncontested could pick apart those on the ground like ravens to carrion. In the end, all fighting boils down to hitting the other guy without being hit and advancements of warfare was all about finding the next longer stick. Winning the Holy Grail War in a single night was something Gilgamesh had the capability to accomplish, but Archer himself was in no position to judge; the Holy Grail Wars were always a farce.

There were things Gilgamesh would never do. Gilgamesh would never give aid to a faker, but Kirei certainly would, but there were things Emiya Shirou would never do.

There were things Emiya Shirou would never do, but it was indeed Emiya Shirou standing on top of that throne.

Emiya Shirou was someone who could fire upon his very own house with a Broken Phantasm that his sister resided in and at the same time Emiya Shirou was someone who could not allow such a thing to come to pass. Regardless of the world, Heroic Spirit Emiya was always Emiya Shirou's most reliable enemy. The boy in the sky was preparing another arrow from the golden throne Vimana.

"Hrunting."

Archer already knew the boy's target, Berserker who was in a deadlock against Saber. Archer reinforces his injured arm as he readies an arrow of his own. The act of shooting an arrow was a feat of mechanical precision; eliminate the human element and a machine is all that remains. As long as the machinery was tuned to create the perfect shot, it will always perform the same shot. Fibrous pistons break, oxygenated red fluid leaks as the string is pulled back and the arrow is released.

"Tch."

Broken machinery was unpredictable, and his arrow narrowly fails to intercept the snaking red streak after Berserker's life. Subsequent shots miss by greater and greater margins; the machinery needed to be repaired before it could be relied upon again Archer concludes as he examines his arm. It was good fortune that the red streak never hits the Greek hero as the malformed sword is swatted away with a great golden crescent axe; a projection well lent, but Saber slashes at his defenseless body with the night stained holy blade.

"-Calibur!"

However, Berserker is never alone.

"Quintet Feur!"

Pink light of the Second Magic erupts from Illya's wand with vigor against the interloper from the ground, but the boy in the sky nocks an arrow with just as much as he aims at the daughter of the man he considered a father with no hesitation. Another red streak erupts from the golden throne in the sky.

"Hrunting," the hound of the red plains is released once again.

It chases the flying girl, but Archer wasn't afraid as it was fortunate that this Illya in this timeline didn't have the same naïve biases as he did.

"By my Command Seal, shield me!" was Illya's order for her greatest protector and Saber uses this chance to slip away.

Berserker appears in the sky shielding her from the blood seeking missile as it crashes harmlessly against his body. Heracles overcame 12 labors that should have killed him in his legend; he wasn't a hero that could be defeated under ordinary means.

"Caladbolg," the spiral sword pierces the night, but not that hero.

*clang*

It explodes on impact, but everything that struck Berserker's body had honed it. Anything he honed his body against would not be able to wound him. At this point, it was unknown what could actually wound him.

"Durandal," the peerless sword that became a spear that could pierce anything short of the Aias, but the back of Heracles was sturdier than that.

*clang*

Archer wasn't a fighter at heart, everything he did boiled down to forging steel. He had to focus on what he could do as he chases after Saber's back and as he himself turns his back on the one he wished to protect. He was needed elsewhere.

"Joyeuse," Shirou invokes from the sky as one light becomes twelve; twelve patters of rain as the boy on the golden throne was no Charlemagne.

*clang*clang*clang*clang*clang*clang*clang*clang*clang*clang* clang*clang*

From the receding sounds of singing metal, Archer could rest easy that his works were worth something, but he was always a busybody.

*clang*

The forge in his heart was his greatest asset; the closest thing he had to a Noble Phantasm.

*clang*

Rin had ordered him to hone Berserker's body with every Noble Phantasm in his forge.

*clang*

This was the secret they shared and kept from Illya who was busy uncovering Miyu's.

*clang*

With the gem sword in Rin's hands as the key, the world of Unlimited Blade Works was always open.

*clang*

With Magical Ruby contracted to Illya, there was no limit to the number of times Berserker could self-recover.

*clang*

An imitation can never beat an original, but piled together they could reach an unforeseen summit; that is the quintessential way humanity has come so far. Family, society, science and mage-craft followed this same rule.

The night becomes still as Emiya Shirou eases his hand as he comes to realize the futility of what he was doing.

Heracles was absolutely immune to everything in Heroic Spirit Emiya's arsenal. He wouldn't be wounded by a fake. The only things that could scratch Heracles at this point were genuine Noble Phantasms pushed to breaking and it would have to take all his lives in one go. This was a decision of Rin's that surprised even Archer, but from what he knew of her in his own life, it shouldn't have been surprising.

No matter how much Rin would act like it, there were things far more valuable to her than pride, money and the wish of a dead man. However, when Tohsaka decides on something, Archer knew all too well how genuine she was and as Saber slips away from his vision, Archer was again cursing his lack of ability.

He wished he could have done more, but that is always the case with Emiya Shirou.

It was a night like any other.

Individuals may disagree, but in the grand scheme of things individuals aren't worth much. Everyone is at the center of their own little world, but the world doesn't end. The girl who pulled the sword from the stone is the same as the woman who swings it. Nothing she needs to do has changed; she only needs to press forward because she is the Once and Future King. Some homunculi stood in her way, one of whom was wielding her very visage as a weapon, but it is nothing she hasn't faced before and in fact this one was lacking.

Things have only gotten easier for Pendragon as she had cast her sentiments away.

Leysritt was just one of many Einzbern failures who could not become the Holy Grail and was repurposed for other tasks; one of which was combat. She was modified to have strength on par with some crystallized legends, but she was no legend herself. She had already lost an arm to a mere girl who wielded the power of the oldest legend. Harnessing the power of the Once and Future King herself did not change this in the slightest.

*clang*

She was lacking as a Holy Grail.

Her prosthetic arm was creaking under the stress; it only had the specifications in line with a normal human unlike the rest of her.

The sword in her hands was real, but she could not compare to the Once and Future King she was drawing from.

She was coined as nothing more than a tool to protect a thousand year wish, but someone else had given her another purpose and she won't hesitate to lay down her life for that goal.

She locks her blade with the very hero the Einzbern placed their hopes on in the 4th Holy Grail War.

*clang*

Seal Saber's movement; that is her only objective. She had no intention of winning by herself because she was never alone; her sister Sella behind her was ready and waiting. In Sella's hands was the cursed spear that pierces with death before it is even thrust.

"Gae.."

There was no room for hesitation, only certainty.

"Strike Air."

Saber's command of the winds supersedes those who merely borrow her authority and the winds rob the strength from Leysritt's legs. The living shield that was supposed to hold Saber in place was now Saber's shield against the red spear. The power of the spear was not invoked in time and Saber passes through Leysritt like the wind.

Leysritt dies.

Before Sella loses her life too, the child that was once Saber's Master intervenes upon the back of a winged horse.

"Bellerophon!"

Under the moonlit sky, Saber's wounded form was for all to see.

"5 minutes until my left arm functions once again, Miyu," was all the mercy Saber had left to give.

Miyu's spiral arrow had narrowly missed Saber's head, but had managed a glancing gouge of her shoulder. With the power of the red knight coursing through her, she knew all too well how tough the stained king of knights in front of her was, yet at the same time it was hard to see Saber as an enemy. Saber had saved Emiya many times. No Emiya has ever regretted meeting Saber even if some won't admit it. Miyu knew the power at her disposal and knew all too well how she was outclassed. Even with Saber's power the night before, Miyu stood no chance and with only Archer's power it may have been even lower. A Saber will best even the strongest Archer at sword length; such a thing was a given. That was the common sense.

"Trace on."

Two blades; one of black scale and the other white shell form in Miyu's hands as Saber sheathes her sword into the earth.

"You armed yourself with those swords? Are you really intent on fighting? Shirou and Sakura are on my side. You have escaped your captors. Let me who swore to be your sword slay your enemies," as Saber extends her only working hand.

Archer and Rider; those were the two cards Miyu had at her disposal. Two cards Illya had relented to give her when the house was attacked. The real Rider died to Saber's blade; helped by those little spars the Cards allowed for. Miyu curses herself for this reason, but she hasn't lost hope.

She throws away the married blades behind her as they disappear into the night.

Saber, Lancer and Caster were for the maids to use. Miyu had seen Leysritt fall, but she held out hope that Caster's power could circumvent that fate. It was by clinging onto that hope that she could focus on Saber without hesitation.

Berserker and Assassin cards were with Illya.

Miyu examines the battlefield, the road next to the Einzbern Forest. She recognizes this place from where she staged the assault on the castle; the outskirts far from people. The Overseer had used his authority and connections to create a curfew for the city. The people of Fuyuki knew all too well of the terror from a decade ago when a serial killer roamed the streets and now they stay in their homes convinced that killer has returned. Anyone who sees these battles will have to be hypnotized later; it was work Miyu only vaguely knew of and the older girl named Tohsaka was certainly reliable when it came to such matters let alone Sella.

Saber with her palm outstretched takes a single step towards the child who threw her weapons away.

"Trace on."

Miyu readies another two married blades; one of black scale and one of white shell.

Saber notices the change in the winds and in her mind she had already foreseen such an outcome. In one fluid motion she pulls her sword from the ground behind her and effortlessly parries the flying inverted married blades that were about to converge on her neck from behind.

*clang* *clang*

The married blades shatter.

"...," Saber doesn't say anything.

Saber had deliberately put down her sword and cared not for the distance that was to an Archer's advantage; that was how little Saber thought of Miyu as a threat even with the injury on her arm. A bow is drawn, but Saber is unfazed.

"Hrunting."

Cutting through the air erratically, the jagged hound screams for Saber's blood. There was no qualitative difference at all between this red arrow and the ones Archer himself or Shirou employed; all of them were flawed fakes, but all of them were capable of downing heroes. Saber had no choice, but to take the attack seriously as she cuts the shaft in twain midflight.

*swish*

The hound would always hunt its prey, but that was what made it so predictable, yet the girl who wielded Archer's power throws away her advantage as she closes the distance with married blades.

*clang*

Saber easily parries her attack, but the girl has proven that she isn't an enemy Saber could ignore. To have Shirou and Sakura go along with her desires, there was no room for hurting Miyu, but even a child could prove to be dangerous with the right weapon.

Saber had planned on killing Tohsaka in this exchange and capturing Miyu afterwards. Without a Master, Archer would disappear with the final obstacle in Saber's path to the grail being Berserker and Lancer. Even if Berserker was unbreakable, he wasn't immune to chains of Heaven that Sakura had usurped and his Master was the grail vessel itself. Saber remembers well what happened to the last grail vessel named Irisviel as the fighting drew to a close. Her limit was 4 Servants slain before her body was destroyed; was her daughter's any higher?

"The only enemy you have in this war is Tohsaka and Einzbern, the ones who took your quiet life away, why are you protecting them?" she asks the child in front of her.

"I— have no enemies," the child speaks with certainty.

Saber had killed her once; a fact that felt like a lie, but Saber's desire for the grail stemmed from the mound of corpses she stood over. Saber was after Tohsaka who had neither Class Cards nor a close range type Servant, but Miyu knew not to underestimate Archer; the same power her big brother wielded. Miyu couldn't win against Saber with Saber's power and Archer's chances should have been worse, but a hero is someone who overturns common sense.

"Then why are you pointing those things at me?" the tainted knight asks.

Miyu lets the blades fly. Blades fly and blades shatter. The small girl unleashes sword after sword against her former protector. Even with a one arm handicap, her opponent was nothing. Miyu was nothing more than a child flailing her arms about.

*shatter*

The black Holy Blade will not be beaten by two swords, four swords or sixteen, but the small stubborn girl who held the lesser blades does not relent. She throws her swords in an arc and they careen past Saber by a mile and Saber is quick to capitalize with a center charge, but blades fall in front of her to stall her advance.

As Saber blinks, swords were pointed at her in all directions; just like with the Babylonian King, but each sword lacked heft. Slow; the swords sailing at her were far too slow and Saber commanded the winds.

"Hammer of the Wind King."

Lacking the momentum of those fired from a bow, these nameless swords fall to the earth and erect themselves like graves. The draconic reactor pumps arcane fuel beneath Saber's feet, but as she brushes past the graves.

"—burst."

The graves explode; the armor Saber wore was enough to protect her from the shrapnel of the makeshift mines. If Saber was a little unluckier, she would have at least lost an eye, but the Once and Future King was a blessed monster. In this world there exist people more blessed than anyone else and yet these people willingly choose to martyr themselves, but that is why they can't be pitied.

This was the path they chose for themselves; pity is the farthest thing from respect. There was no reason to hold back.

"Ex—"

Even if Saber manages to catch Tohsaka and kill her, Archer wouldn't immediately disappear. Independent action is just one of many things that make Archer-class Servants formidable opponents, but terrible Servants from the perspective of Masters who wants to stay alive. Despite never having fought directly, Saber could attest to Archer's utility indirectly from both Emiya siblings.

"Joyeuse," from Miyu's bow was the light that scatters into twelve, but their radiance could not match.

"—Calibur."

The endless night snuffs out the lights and the mines as if they were never there, but the child's attacks did not cease.

If Archer were to forge a contract with her former Master, no doubt he would become more troublesome in the future than if Archer simply stayed under his current one. Saber knew firsthand how vast the power the child's magic circuits in front of her could provide. On the other hand, if Shirou or Sakura were to witness any injury on this child, they would surely turn their swords on her. There was no reason why this child should want to protect the Masters that tried to kill her. The Masters which Saber protected her from, but Saber right now was no different from them. She was simply after her goal and this child was in the way. Two paths leading to the same undesirable direction, but a king couldn't afford to stop as her draconic core beats into overdrive.

With speed, one could delay the consequences, but opponents were never cooperative as married blades were ready and waiting.

*clang* *clang**clang* *clang*

This was a fight between an adult and a child. It couldn't be called a fight. With less reach, less strength and less speed, the child could not land another hit. The child was doing nothing but throwing a tantrum as she throws away another pair of swords. Saber doesn't even need to look at the receding blades to know that they were coming back in the next few seconds. Every clash only serves to diminish Miyu, but she does not fall even as Saber cuts into her body.

*clang* *shatter*

With Saber's single working arm, it was difficult to cleave through bone against a semi-skilled enemy and the wounds that should have been fatal for Miyu close quickly.

Avalon, was so close, but out of Saber's reach and answering to someone else.

Saber understands that with Avalon's protection, Miyu would not be stopped save for a killing blow. The child won't listen to reason. No, a killing blow to the heart with Excalibur wasn't able to end her last time. Miyu had survived, but even with Avalon, was such a thing possible? Saber brings her sword down in an overhead swing and Miyu meets it with a porcelain blade.

*shatter*

Miyu's final defence shatters, no it explodes.

"—burst."

The explosion of force had deflected Saber's bisecting blow, but it had blown off Miyu's own hand. Another pair of blades twirling blades was coming for Saber's neck from behind, but Saber was already waiting.

"—burst."

Before those blades could shatter against Saber's, they explode too and she is thrown forward into the black blade clutched in Miyu's remaining hand. The blade pierces through Saber's armor as it spalls.

"—burst."

Steel shrapnel tears the insides of her gut, but Miyu does not relent. Her broken hand is refreshed anew without a scar with a pristine white blade in its grip.

*clang* *clang*

"—burst."

Just before the blades shatter, they explode; wounds accumulate against Saber's body. The distance in ability was too great for a child to win fairly, but children rarely play fair. Shrapnel cuts into Saber's brow and blood starts to drip into her eyes, but even without sight, the distance in powers did not decrease. However, as sturdy as a Servant was, as quickly as they heal, Avalon's protection was beyond that. Every second Miyu is able to buy was another second closer to Saber's defeat. The way the child fought was in complete disregard to her own well being. Miyu's own attacks were damaging herself more than her opponent, but she had Avalon. As long as a limb wasn't blown clean off, the child wouldn't slow down as she is wreathed in Avalon's cursed warmth. As long as Saber herself existed, that warmth would never disappear.

*clang* *clang*

"—burst."

A single sword strike can only come in one direction. It can change trajectory mid course, but that limitation does not change. With skill to reach the realm of the Second Magic, a certain swordsman was able to strike in three directions at once, but explosions were omni-directional.

"—burst."

Explosions weren't something Saber could block in the same way she could with swords, arrows or bullets, but that was only in regards to her sword.

"Hammer of the Wind King!"

The Once and Future King was unscathed, while the child lays broken on the pavement while struggling to get up. As long as Avalon blesses her, this will never end. With one flick of the blade Saber could end this, but she could not afford making enemies of the two willing to work with her. After killing Tohsaka, Saber was going to capture Miyu and bring her to those two who thought the world of her. Under their wishes, Miyu would never do something like make a contract with Archer, but she allowed her to be subject to such a thing.

"The 5 minutes are up," Saber announces as she grips her sword with both hands ready to deliver mercy.

Something was twirling in the wind; yet another pair of high contrast swords.

"—burst," was a man's voice; the white haired Archer's.

Archer had caught up to Saber as he readies another pair of Kanshou and Bakuya.

"Archer," was that bell like voice just like in his memories.

All the evils in the world were unable to tarnish the gallant of figure of the knight in Archer's memory. The knight's armor could not reflect the light of the moon above and the sword that was once one with the air was now an ominous void, but the owner of these things was still as beautiful as he remembers. Even after all the dirty drudgery that was his very existence as a guardian of the scales and the endless blood he walked through, he will always remember that beautiful face vividly even if everything else fades away.

Regardless of how far he has come as a hero; the hero he met that night would always be his ideal. That was why he didn't like looking at her because he could feel the only vivid memory that remained within him tarnish. He turns his gaze towards the injured child on the ground. If it was another Emiya or rather if it was that certain Emiya, he would have thought this outcome to be well deserved and would have been tempted to do nothing at all.

Salvation brought upon others is like money; once it is used it will only go to someone else. It was a cycle without an end; a cycle that kept the world turning. The black haired girl on the ground was not Emiya Shirou, but Archer could read her thoughts all the same. The debts of the dead are carried by the living. It reinforces the fact that there was nothing special about him. Even so, there was only ever one Emiya he would ever curse.

"Saber, that's not a good look for you. Did that child really give you that much trouble?" as Archer asks about the gaping hole in Saber's armor.

"Are you in the position to ask that? With your arm that way, you can't properly draw your bow," Saber remarks.

"Good enough to wield swords," Archer responds.

Members of the Emiya family were universally troublesome.

"Trace—..," was the voice of the child on the ground.

Before Saber could swing her sword, Archer had already thrown his. Saber blocks the thrown sword easily, but this was just a distraction as a wall of swords appears in front of her, obscuring her vision.

"—burst."

Saber backpedals before she gets sword shrapnel in the face. As the dust settles, she sees Archer standing between her and the child who wielded his power who had just gotten back onto her feet.

"—On."

The Heroic Spirit and child did not need to exchange glances; both eyes were trained on the sight they could not accept. Saber was tired of seeing in black and white.

"One of my arms isn't in great condition, so I'm counting on you to cover me with the bow, Yumi."

"—Miyu. My name is Miyu."

Chapter Text

It was an eternity since the last time a gazed upon her face up close.

With locked blades, I'm reminded once again why I never forgot and as our blades depart she steadies her sword above her with the backdrop of the night sky. What was supposed to be beacon was now seamless with the pitch black sky, but this incongruity was why I was certain what I had to do.

Spirit and technique, flawless and firm

The sword crashes down without mercy, but the married blades in my hand converge to protect me. If that precious memory within me had remained untainted and my mind had continued to wander, I would have been cut down, but now my hands were working to deny what was in front of me even as they screamed at me from the stress. My fingers were numb, but I'm able to steel myself.

*I am the bone of my sword*

The Holy sword that had once protected me in those hazy distant days was mercilessly crashing down like a hammer, but it only hones my resolve.

*Steel is my body and fire is my blood*

New swords form in my hands to intercept that very sword. Our eyes met and I could see the wrongness in them; what was once as green as a pasture under the sun was a sickly yellow. The locks that once exuded warmth were as pale as dead straw. The literal knight in shining armour I once admired was no longer shining. I step back and I throw my trusted blades forward in a beautiful arc at the knight in front of me.

Saber was out for my blood as she erases the distance between us as a new pair forms in my hands.

Our strength rips the mountains

*clang* *clang*

A Saber I didn't recognize; a Saber my heart could not acknowledge, but it seems my young heart was selfish like that. From the bottom of my heart I hoped for a miracle to meet her once again, but there were no true miracles in the world I lived in; that was what I learned when I became an adult. Everything had a price and few ever had the means to pay for what was truly important. Maybe that was why I wasn't able to save her back then, but I knew it was nothing more than youthful arrogance to even have such a thought. She was surrounded by knights greater than what I ever was and a fake cannot compare, but right now we were standing on the same stage. Those on the Throne of Heroes are immutable and I am no exception; a guardian of the scales I will always be as I endlessly cut down those whom I wanted to save. I will always curse my own foolishness, but more than anything else I hated to see the same foolishness in others; the woman in front of me and the girl behind me as I cast my cracked swords away before forging them anew.

Our swords split the water

*clang* *clang* *shatter*

"Ex—"

The reformed Kanshou and Bakuya appear in my hands; the married swords had carried me through many battles. Compared to Excalibur, they were nothing special, but they were strong swords; strong enough to trade blows with fae metal without breaking immediately. They had no legend of being wielded, but they weren't mere ornamental pieces and neither was the girl behind me who bore the mantle of "Emiya".

*I have created over a thousand blades*

"Hrunting," the overcharged blood hound the girl releases takes away Saber's attention from my swords for just a moment.

The girl behind me did not run; she chose to stand on this battlefield so I had no choice but to stand in front of her. The battlefield was no place for children, but war makes no distinction and weapons care not who wields them. Miyu was supposed to escape with Rin on the Pegasus and keep up the chase until Vimana was dealt with. The Einzbern maids were to serve as speed bumps as dictated by the calculus. The card which contained my powers was supposed to be nothing more than a glorified telescope to check the aftermath, but she was very much an Emiya smelt from the same fire. In this world Emiya Shirou had become Emiya Kiritsugu to someone else and passed on the debt; was that idiot honestly happy with that?

I wasn't.

*Unknown to Death,
Nor known to Life.*

*swish**Btoom*

Saber bisects the red hound midflight, but not before it explodes violently. A new pair of swords forms in my hands. To the Saber right now, they wouldn't even qualify as proper Noble Phantasms, but they could still draw blood especially that of a king and I had plenty as 4 more return from all directions.

Our names reach the imperial villa

The Saber in my memories would have been able to appreciate such swords, but the Saber in front of me could only see them objectively inferior to hers regardless of the number. Despite that difference in make and my own talent, my blades were keeping up with hers as I had an eternity of cleaning humanity's messes. The four swords converge onto Saber's neck. Calling upon them was nothing more than breathing and they weren't my only ally.

The two of us cannot hold the heavens together.

"Caladbolg!" invokes the girl behind me. The spiral sword narrowly brushes my armpit, but Saber's sword was ready and waiting as she redirects it off course into the forest behind her as the twin pairs of married blades bury themselves into her defenceless body.

*squelch*

This was the sure kill technique I had played around with for an eternity had failed. They miss her neck, but that was expected of my luck, but the shifting winds brushing against me say it wasn't luck. The misplaced arrow escapes my vision with a torrent as it uproots scores of trees that once reached for the skies as the soil drinks Saber's blood. Saber should have been killed in that blow, but the trajectory was off; Saber has already seen through the Triple Crane Wings. Just as I wasn't a swordsman, she wasn't a simple knight. As long as my swords had to cut through the air, they could not escape the influence of the wind king.

"—burst."

Before the swords detonate, they are ejected from her wounds as the winds gather around her body reducing the drag of friction. The married blades are blown off course at the very last moment by the winds Saber commanded and if I charged forward as I had practiced many times in my mind's eye, she would have skewered me. Even if it did not end her, my "sure kill" technique was able to draw her blood; I had to settle for that. The dust obscures the battlefield, but Saber was still being straight forward. Minor wounds would heal in an instant.

She charges in a straight line because in a contest of endurance, it could only end in my defeat.

*clang* *shatter*

Bakuya breaks, but my weapons were many.

"Install: Rider," the child behind me announces as Saber closes her eyes; bracing herself for the petrifying gaze.

Saber knew not to underestimate those rainbow eyes because she had faced the real thing, throughout this fight she had not lost focus on the child behind me. Fight blind or face petrifaction, but the wind continues to whisper to her as a substitute for sight. The power of Triple Crane Wings over someone like Saber was all down to surprise as it wasn't something a swordsman could perform; a technique unique to Emiya Shirou's way of being, but a fake can hardly be called unique. Saber had seen through my inescapable technique courtesy of her bout with the child behind me and she knew to call on the winds beforehand, but that was why that very same child could not allow herself to run away.

*Have withstood pain to create many weapons*

That was why I couldn't run away either; I had to use everything.

"Harpe."

The crescent blade entangles with Saber's; the weapon that killed the monster Medusa. Up until know, I had danced with her using married blades and had managed to lull her into a rhythm. Longer than my trusted weapons, I manage to mark Saber's face with a wound that could not heal even with her powers.

The face I would never forget, I seal it away alongside those of my parents. To move forward meant casting things away, but I was a fool that couldn't throw anything away. Even if I deny them, even if I avert my gaze, they will always be there.

*Yet, those hands will never hold anything*

*swish*

My right arm suffers a deep gash and Saber's blade is entangled in Rider's chains; I was never fighting alone. The jewelled sword in Rin's hands provided plenty of material to work with. I needed two swords in hand to keep up with hers so this was the end of the line; I had nothing line Avalon to keep me in the fight.

*shatter*

Harpe shatters and Saber doesn't hesitate to press her advantage as Rider's chains grow tighter. A lion will not let go once it bites the neck and she recognizes the magical energy taking shape to replace it wasn't on the same level as anything before, but I leave my fate into the hands of the child.

*shing* *clang*

Nail for blade and blade for nail. Having fought alongside Saber, having fought against Saber and having fought as Saber, there was no one in this world right now that knew Saber's sword better. The child no longer needed small tricks to keep up. Talent recognizes talent; Saber wouldn't have let any ordinary child fight alongside her with a sword in hand against Heracles of all people if she didn't recognize her ability. The Once and Future King knew better than anyone else not to underestimate someone just because they were a little girl.

I was honestly a little jealous.

The gem sword gave Rin ample reserves to access my toolbox; even the most expensive of tools were available right now. I cannot let Saber be the one to command the winds. My left hand was Kanshou and I reinforce my right to the limit to grasp the hilt of the...

"Ame-no-Murakumo-no-Tsurugi."

Heavenly Sword of Gathering Clouds.

The gentle zephyr passing through the forest becomes a violent gale as the misshapen katana takes shape in my hands. Compared to the real thing or even a certain blacksmith's rendition; it was still an effigy of a divine construct. Even with a fraction of that power, a being that is not a god will surely die wielding such a thing, but I didn't need to swing it; I throw it down in front of me as a gamble as I dig my knees into the ground.

*So as I pray, Unlimited Blade Works.*

Lands of shifting sands and steel spreads across the horizon as the violent winds banish the night sky alongside the once shining knight.

I reach out my good hand and grasp the gorgon's chains before the child is banished as well. Her feet land on the sand next to me.

"As long as we stand in the eye of the storm, the blades will not harm us" and everything else will cut to pieces.

"Almace, Ama-no-Habakiri, Ame-no-Ohabari, Arondight, Ascalon, Asi, ... Balisarda, Blutgang... Chandrahrasa, Cheng Ying, Chrysaor, Chun Jun, Claíomh Solais, Clarent, Coreiseuse, Cruaidín Catutchenn,... Dáinsleif, Doujikiri Yasutsna, Durandal,... Galatine, Gong Bu,... Harpe,... Kogitsunemaru, ...Ridill, ...Tai A, Tyrfing, ...Zulfiqar..."

"Ex—"

"Rho Aius!" the child invokes a second faster wreathed in my reds.

"Burst—"

"—Calibur!"

I brace my ears as the world is destroyed around us, but I cannot avert my eyes as the shield above us cracks and the petals are scattered one by one. The force of this entire world of blades was bearing down upon us alongside the greatest Holy Sword. Blood violently spurts from the child before me and I can hear her screams, but the resolve in those crimson eyes were not something to be pitied. Before the final petal is shattered...

"Rho Aius!" I call upon the shield from the storm.

I take over and my body is systematically dismantled as the petals scatter. My right arm was useless and my left was getting there. I could no longer stand and what was left of my existence was leaking away, but before I disappear with the final petal, the child invokes once again as she keeps up with me.

"Rho Aius!" a new flower appears to replace my own.

The child was bleeding from her eye sockets, but she was standing tall bathed in Avalon's light; a light that no longer belonged to Saber. This world ends, but we survive.

"Hah...hah."

A scattered forest is all around us.

"It's our win, Saber," the child announces with Harpe in hand while bleeding all over.

In the distance was Saber, or what was left of her. Her back was against the ground and her gaze towards the night sky. No arms and no legs, her body was crimson all over, but she was still in this world. The injured child saunters forward clinging onto life thanks to Avalon's grace and she'll lose it the instant Saber disappears from this world.

"Miyu!" I call her name.

If Saber is slain right now, there is no question that child will die. I myself was on the verge of death and I knew the limitations of the shield of Ajax, but that child who wasn't even a Servant had called upon it twice. I put power in my legs.

Once she stood above Saber, she thrusts the sword down, but I wasn't late.

There was no blood because Saber didn't bleed as she sinks into the ground. It seems we weren't saying good bye this soon again. I put power into my broken legs and reinforce them to the limit. I grab the child by the collar before she is dragged into the abyss of Imaginary Numbers alongside Saber. It seems Sakura had caught up and witnessed the last few seconds of this exchange. She had taken Saber and left, but I couldn't read her next move.

If my assessment of Sakura is correct, Saber will probably be punished, but Illya and Berserker aren't some pushovers that mere humans can handle alone.

Nothing in Unlimited Blade Works, Broken Phantasm or not can pierce Berserker. A Broken Phantasm from Gate of Babylon possibly, but Berserker wasn't alone.

I had faith in the little devil called Illya; I still remember the terror she caused me in my own Holy Grail War.

I carry the child who could no longer walk.

"I can walk," she says.

"Shut up."

Up ahead was the desolate ruin where Rin had set up a small workshop. The building was very much a corpse desecrated by the forest. I didn't want to explain to Rin why I knew of such a place secluded in the Einzbern Forest. It seems my mind was still filled with Saber. I didn't know if I was proud or ashamed that I recalled this place, but I was still a man.

The first floor was covered in trees, but the second was intact. This was probably Einzbern property or a forward base set up by a magus in a previous war. It was still night outside and inside; Rin was there to greet me sitting on the bed that was there for some reason.

She didn't look too happy.

"Emiya," is the name she calls as she stares.

"Lay her down onto the bed; I need to check for her injuries," Rin commands and I comply.

"I'm fine. You do know what my side job is? I'm confident I know the human body let alone my own," the child protests.

"An ordinary human body perhaps my dear back alley doctor, but an ordinary human would have been dead by now after pulling the stunt you did," Rin scolds her as she holds her face down.

Rolling up the shirt, black blotches dotted the child's small back; internal bleeding was obvious. The vaunted sheathe could mend the vessels that had burst, but the blood remained. It would dissipate with time without a scar to show, but Rin wasn't having any of that.

"It is only because of King Arthur's scabbard that was implanted inside you that you are still alive and if you had killed Saber, you would have lost its protection! You're as bad as that Einzbern brat! Didn't your brother raise you correctly?" as Rin lays down the truth the child may have been ignorant of.

The child had taken the scolding without a word up until now, but the mention of her family lit something in her.

"He did. He raised me as best as he could even though it was hard for him. Whether it was by his will or by my wish that is the truth," the girl confesses; possibly a bit angry.

"Then why?" Rin asks, but it was a rhetorical question.

"I like to believe I know how this world works, but as more time passes, I know that there are many things I don't know. About magi, about this world, about other people, but because of him I at least know myself. I know the things I don't want to lose and I have been lying to myself for not knowing what I want. I knew what I wanted from the start. I wished for him to be my brother and I wish for the things he wished for me to have; to be happy, but I can't possibly be happy with people dying in front of me," the child continues.

The Rho Aius I gambled on was not enough to protect us; I had underestimated the extra output from Saber's Excalibur. Projecting her own to support me was the correct decision that ended up with no lives lost, but that answer wasn't good enough.

"Then, why were you so eager to end Saber's life when you know it could be the end of your own?" I ask.

The child turns her gaze towards me with resolute red eyes.

"This is the world he wished for me to be happy in and I can't be happy if I'm dead, so I won't die. As long as I'm not dead, I have to protect the world he gave me and Saber doesn't belong to this world," she says to me without stuttering.

"Neither do me or your brother. Maybe you're correct. Heroic Spirits don't belong to this world, but it wasn't like you felt nothing when Rider passed. Do you honestly think you're immortal?"

The girl's logic was sound except her view on her own mortality. The protections she lived with must have warped her common sense. The lives that had formed the core of Servants had already passed if they existed at all and they don't belong to this world; that is precisely why they need Masters to serve as anchors. The needs of the living outweigh the dead, but what the dead believed in wasn't worthless; I walked the path I did so it wouldn't be. Maybe it was simple survivor's guilt, or maybe it was something more.

"Maybe, but don't talk like you're my brother," Miyu says to me.

Before I was summoned, I had no recollection of this child, but I felt I knew this child as well as I knew myself. I tower over her.

"You might think of this as unfair, but it is the duty of adults to scold children and your brother isn't here to fulfill that duty so we will. Be prepared because you aren't the only one we need to scold."

"Why? That doesn't make any sense," she says.

"Who knows, maybe whatever wish craft induced disease Emiya Shirou has happens to be contagious."

I had once believed that Emiya Shirou was the only problem, but that was my own arrogance. I always had debts to pay.

"With his hair down, don't you think my Archer resembles him a bit?" Rin adds.

What?