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“I hate you ” I glared at him with a ferocity but it didn’t seem to even faze him. To be sure nothing seemed to faze him which really ticked me off because I, on the other hand, jumped at my own shadow if I didn’t expect it to be there.

 “Not feeling the aster today huh?” He laughed his dumb little laugh, it almost sounded fake and I wondered if anything genuinely made him laugh.

 “You could’ve called, I waited for three hours and it took me all night to finish this project!” I was furious but I also wasn’t. I was pissed off that he seriously blew me off on our group project after he promised to come over and work on it, but he was also my best friend so I’d hold it over him for a while and then probably get over it but at the moment I was ready to raise hell. What a dick.

 “I’m really sorry Kath alright, something big came up.” His smile faltered a little and his voice got quieter, less confident. The unexpected show of emotion caught me off guard and I lowered my crossed arms, pulling at my pleated school uniform skirt. He didn’t really open up and a heartfelt apology like this was probably the most you’d ever get out of him, but he wasn’t a bad guy , he was a great friend and generally was very reliable but every once in a while he’d just ditch with no explanation and you never did get one. Everyone in our friend group was so used to it at this point I hardly noticed the oddity of just up and disappearing.

 “It’s alright,” I sighed crossed my arms again, “your stupidity would’ve brought the whole grade down”. I smiled punching him playfully in the arm, the light and vitality crept back onto his face as he broke out into another one of those stupid laughs. Yeah maybe he was a bit of a dick but no one could say mad at that.

 “I’m a shoo-in to be the valedictorian Katherine if I’m stupid this whole school is positively brainless ” He turned on his heel shoving his hands in his pocket and began his way to class. I snorted dismissively because I knew him, and I knew he was still listening for a comeback but that’s all I had. He was arrogant at times but it wasn’t unfounded and he wasn’t wrong, if he was considered stupid there was no hope for the rest of us, even if he did seem to lack common sense from time to time, or all the time.

 I gathered myself and followed after him, walking behind him I realized just how much of his shadow I was in, metaphorically but also literally in his shadow. He was already beating me in every other way and suddenly he was taller than me?! Ridiculous, when did he grow so much anyway just last year he was still that gangly little shit. Sighing I punched his shoulder playfully which of course was now no longer a comfortable punching height.

 “What’s with the latent aggression, I thought we were cool now?” His eyes glinted with mockery, his tone laced with teasing.

“You still deserve it  Dick ” I sauntered in front of him taking the lead and giggling to myself. God, I hoped this would never change.

Chapter Text

“Kath you’re being silly” Emily laughed nudging me gently in the shoulder. We walked shoulder to shoulder home in the dark of night, I’d had to stay late with her to work on the set for the play since we were terribly behind schedule. That tends to happen when you procrastinate.

“It’s not silly, what if we run into something…,” I couldn’t finish the sentence without feeling dumb.

“What? Bad?” Emily gave me a look and I knew, I just knew she was mocking me. Sometimes I wish Emily could keep her facial expressions to herself because she never even tried to hide them.

“It’s Gotham Emily, it’s not exactly Pleasantview, you could go to a grocery store and run into the Riddler in the jam aisle, the city is teeming with villains ” I stopped myself before I went on a rant. No one wanted to hear my reasoning, they all wanted to pretend they lived in a safe happy city or at least a normal one like NYC. Anywhere there were heroes, villains arose to meet the challenge. I wasn’t one of those crazies who was all gung-ho about ridding Gothem of Batman but stats were stats.

“Personally I wouldn't mind running into Robin ” Emily swooned like a schoolgirl, well we were school girls.

“You’d probably scare him off with all that desperation” A smirk tugged at my lips as I took out my lip balm smearing some onto them.

“You can’t tell me you don’t think he’s hot” She gaped clearly not believing me, granted he was, but I liked to be contrary.

“Freeze!” A man was suddenly before us holding a gun aimed straight for me “,neither one of you bitches move”.

Emily’s legs began to shake, or was that just me shaking? I couldn’t tell because I knew was the man with the gun told me to put my hands up and so I did. Emily raised hers slowly the shock fading from her face as it was replaced with fear.

“Wallets on the ground now! Jewelry too” He sounded like he was trying to make his voice deeper on purpose and it was kind of ridiculous, I would’ve laughed had I not been ready to faint.

Emily and I began to take out our wallets slowly throwing them onto the ground. Emily’s hands shook violently as she looked at her ring, of course her ring, it was a family heirloom. Her hands lingered on it far too long. Panic began to rise in my mind as I knew what she was doing.

“Emily no!” I screamed

“DON'T MOVE” He screamed.

She tried to quickly maneuver her hand into her pocket to take it off, try and save it. Save a stupid object instead of her life.

BANG.

I realized my eyes were closed. It’s like the world had stopped for whole minutes. Minutes that seemed to stretch into hours in that horrible grim silence.

“Peaches” a voice mused.

I opened my eyes to see a boy clad in skin tight spandex standing above the robber his staff hanging at his side. Robin.

“Where’s Batman?” Was all I could seem to say. I didn’t even really register what I was saying until a disappointed look shadowed his face the face mask obscuring most of it.

“No thanks? Sorry it’s just the hoi polloi” His voice was… odd but I couldn’t quite understand why, maybe it was because he was saying things like hoi polloi. Seriously who said that in a real sentence?

“Oh my god thank you, thank you so much” Emily voice came out strangled as she was crying profusely on her knees. How could I have forgotten about her? I hadn’t even seen her fall, how could I have…? I don’t know, I still felt so numb, I didn’t want to have to watch someone else die, I didn’t want to feel helpless like that night.

“My pleasure miss, remember your life is more important than any object” His tone was light and playful but his face looked much more strained, it didn’t match at all. And like that he was gone, it was like I blinked and he simply vanished.

“Never ever ever tell me Gotham’s not dangerous ever again!” I turned to Emily getting down and pulling her into a tight embrace, tears began to fall from my eyes as I gathered her even closer. She might not have been my best friend but she was still dear to me and god I really couldn’t watch her die.

The next day was a haze, a haze of ‘what happened?’ ‘Are you okay?’ ‘Did you see Batman?’ ‘Was robin hot?’. I just wanted to get through the day and pretend like it never happened, meanwhile Emily reveled in it, but it was different for her, she was now a survivor of an armed mugging, meanwhile the last time I had this much attention I lost my father.

“Larke” I heard the only voice I wanted to hear right now, Dick’s.

“Hey Gray, what’s new?” I wanted to hear anything. Anything other than the mugging because that was going to be the hot talk of the school for days. And Dick knew better than to drudge it up, he had trauma in his past too. That’s perhaps part of why we were close, we understood each other’s pain. While we might seem perfectly normal we both understood how life was just different after something like that happens.

“Hmmm peaches” My heart stopped. His voice… last night.

“Peaches?” My face went blank.

“Yeah… you’re lip balm, it’s peaches” He noted cautiously, I tried to look normal but Dick wasn’t one to be fooled.

“I’ve been using the same brand for years dumbass” I tried to shake it off turning it back to my work. Dick wasn’t Robin, Dick was smart and flexible and yeah maybe a little mysterious but there was no way he was Robin. And so what if he was adopted by Gotham’s singular billionaire businessman extraordinaire Bruce Wayne, he couldn’t be Robin.  

Chapter Text

There before me was perhaps the biggest house I’d ever seen in person. The monstrosity towered above me like a threat, I definitely felt threatened… and poor, oh so very poor. It was easy to forget how much money Dick had when you were never allowed to visit, ‘Bruce’s rules’ I heard my mind repeat like the hundred times Dick had said it everytime I asked to come over.

“Isn’t your dad like a philanthropist? Isn’t all this… a bit much?” I gave Dick an uncertain side eye. I felt so out of place here, like I shouldn’t even be standing in the shadow of the house, I wasn’t worthy.

“I think it’s been in the Wayne family for a while, besides Bruce likes the privacy” He shrugged with a nonchalance only someone with this much money to burn could.

“There’s only two of you, I seriously doubt he could have more privacy” Dick was just standing in front of the door, wasn’t he going to unlock it?

“Three of us actually” Some divine presence must’ve heard my inner monologuing because just as he said it an elderly man opened the door as if proof of the third household member. Of course, how could I forget about Alfred? Shrouded in about as much mystery as Bruce himself, I knew that Dick texted him a lot and he was their British manservant which is about it. When we were in grade school I had told the class Dick had a slave during the civil war unit, he had blushed from head to toe and we actually had a fight about it he was so embarrassed. Needless to say, I still felt guilty about it from time to time.

“Master Dick I could’ve picked you and you’re friend up from school” I couldn’t help but snicker. When someone says ‘master dick’ in a very classy formal British accent you can’t help but lose it.

“I don’t like other kids seeing the limo but thanks for the thought” Dick gave a little wink patting Alfred on the shoulder and stepping into the house completely ignoring me. I guess he was probably used to Dick jokes by now.

Stepping over the threshold I immediately the decided the outside had nothing on the inside. Being in the entrance hall it was suddenly a little easier to entertain the idea Dick was Robin, but it was still ridiculous, he wasn’t some kind of capped vigilante running around all hours of the night.  

“Wow, you’re really just one of the hoi polloi aren’t you?” I laughed sarcastically looking around like a kid at the zoo. I wanted to absorb every last ounce of class and money before I had to go back to the real world.

I was simply greeted by a confused and dare I say alarmed expression. Of course, words like that weren’t really my style of speech but I guess it’d just been on the mind since I’d run into Robin. We sat there for a couple seconds in a very strange uncomfortable silence as he just looked at me. He was staring at me with an intensity I rarely saw from him, I felt like to was trying to read my mind.

“Dick what?” I said hurriedly desperate from something to break whatever that was.

“If hoi polloi means the common masses does hoi or polloi mean upper echelon?” He suddenly asked as if everything were just cool and casual.

“I don’t know, but you would like to know wouldn’t you Mr. hoi” I flailed my arms at him, I was really at a loss for an explanation.

“I would say polloi more so than hoi” He turned away and began to climb the stairs as if that had been what he was thinking about this entire time. Which was a load of the bullshit.

“That’s all I’m going to get?” He ignored me and kept walking and I soon realized he very likely might leave me, “Dick wait! I’ll get lost.” I ran away him taking two steps at a time to catch up. I saw his shoulders shake with a gentle laugh, I guess he could genuinely laugh.

I smiled secretly a blush spreading over my cheeks. I liked that laugh, a lot.

Chapter Text

Are you sure your dad is cool with me spending the night…” I sat cross-legged on his bed watching him work at his desk. We’d already changed out of our school uniforms. It felt incredibly intimate, especially since this was the first time I was in his room. Sure we’d been friends for ages (and subsequently had plenty of sleepovers) but we were always at my house, this felt new… different.

“Ha probably not, I didn’t even ask to be honest,” He spun in his swivel chair. My jaw dropped.

“You must be kidding?” He didn’t even seem to care, which was wrong in soooo many ways. He never broke Bruce’s rules, there had to be more to this. “Are you two fighting?” I tried to even my voice so I didn’t sound so judgmental.

“No,” it was a very deadpan straightforward answer. He stopped spinning, “He’s at... a board meeting with all the big directors, and usually us ‘kids of the directors’ meet up too but we’re not so I figured this would be the only time I could have you over”. Dick looked at me a cheeky smile spreading it instantly made me smile.

“Wait what about Alfred?” My smile faltered.

“Alfred won’t tell, he’s always thought Bruce’s rules were too restrictive,” he just looked at me for a moment in a comfortable silence, “popcorn?”. I nodded shuffling off his bed.

He lead me down what seemed like hundreds of corridors but I’m sure it was my imagination. We finally reached the kitchen which was more like a whole other house in its own right. I bet I could fit my family’s entire property in here. Everything was pristine stainless steel and tile not a spec of dirt in sight. I was starting to think either Alfred was the world’s most active old man or there were more servants who were just out of sight, which kind of wigged me out.

“I’ll be honest Dick I’m glad we’re making the popcorn.” I dragged my finger along on the counters.

“Me too?” He furrowed his eyebrows popping the popcorn bag in the microwave.

“I mean like ourselves, and not a servant” I offered.

“Ohhh, yeah Alfred’s the only one on staff and he’s actually a butler, it’s different.” Dick smiled hopping up onto the counter and sliding back waiting for the popcorn.

“Ah, sorry I just... assumed” I laughed awkwardly, it’s not like money was ever a source of tension between us but well sometimes it was. I often thought that was why Dick didn’t have that many friends, most of his were mutual friends through me.

“Don’t worry about it,” he looked down and snorted a little to himself, “it’s more of a privacy thing again anyway”. The microwave began to beep and he reached over his head opening the door and putting his hand in reaching around for the popcorn bag.

“Ow ow ow grab the bowl. Grab the bowl!” He winced and I listened grabbing the bowl and holding it out. He dragged the bag out and dropped it in steaming.

“Dick! Just why” I laughed shaking my head and opening the bag dumping the contents into the bowl.

“I didn’t really want to move, I’m comfortable” he rubbed his hand where some of the oil leaked from the bag onto him.

“Well I guess we have to eat it here then huh?” I hopped up onto the counter and scooched next to him thigh to thigh and rested the bowl between us taking a handful. His leg was so muscular it was always a shock no matter how many times I saw or how much I thought about it... “Jesus Dick you’re not even in a sport how are you so fit?”.

“I still do gymnastics and the trapeze,” he shrugged taking a handful of popcorn. To be honest he ate pretty healthy too, I could count the number of times I’ve seen him eat popcorn on one hand. Once again I was haunted by that thought it back of my mind that he might actually be Robin. I groaned internally, or at least I thought I did.

“What’s wrong?” I looked up at him and realized just how close we were, but he wasn’t moving and I certainly wasn’t.

“Just... dreading stuff,” he just looked at me and I got the sense he knew I wasn’t being completely honest. But he shrugged and kept eating, he never pushed anything and I knew it was because he wanted the same in return.

“Wanna see the gym?” He bumped my shoulder, his eyes a lit with excitement. This time I groaned with the intention of him hearing it.

“Why would I want to see the gym? What are we going to have a work out sleepover now?” I ate some of the kernels, I loved the kernels that are half popped, that extra crunch was amazing.

“It’s really cool I swear, come on.” There was a begging quality to his voice that I admit I wouldn’t exactly mind hearing more often.

“Fine” I broke into a smile as he slid off the counter and grabbed my hand pulling me off. His hands lingered there a second longer until he let go putting the bowl into a sink and heading off again, I was left to wander helplessly after him wondering if that had meant anything.

From the minute I walked in I could tell it was yet another cavernous room within the Wayne Manor. Though the lights were off I could tell the ceiling was far far from us, this obviously had to be a newer edition to the house because I can’t imagine the Wayne family felt the need to have a fully equipped gymnastics gymnasium in the late 1800’s. Dick flipped the lights on and the huge room was flooded with a cold artificial light.

I could feel how proud he was looking at everything without even looking at him. There was everything from a vault to bar to rings to beams and even the pommel horse thing. It really was a sight.

“Are there any ya know, normal gym machines?” I laughed a little somewhat in awe of it all.

“Oh yeah, over there” I looked where he was pointing and sure enough through some glass doors I could see treadmills and some weights.

“Big on fitness then?” I laughed somehow still not entirely believing this, it was kind of insane.

“Yep,” he said matter of factly rubbing his hands together clearly eager to get going.

“So fitness and privacy,” I nodded placing my hands on my hips, “I think I’m finally getting a sense of your dad.”

“I think the only one who really knows Bruce is Alfred,” he looked far off for a moment before snapping back, “want to see me do the uneven bars?” He asked but my attention was already called away. There was a rather sizable divet in the wall, more like a crack or a dent. It seemed so out of place in such a well kept pristine house.

“Uhhhh Dick,” I just looked at it walking closer, “care to explain?”

“Not particularly,” I gave him a look and he sighed, “I punched it when I was younger, you know teenage angst and all”. My mouth gapped again, god this night was just full of shockers.

“You? Punched that? Dick that’s a concrete wall,” My eyes were wide but he wasn’t looking at me, I knew was strong but that was a different kind of strong.

“I am aware of that ya know,” I suddenly wasn’t having so much trouble believing he was Robin, “do you want to see me do the uneven bars now?”

“Sure Dick, sure,” I crossed my arms as he wrapped his hands and put some powder on them clapping them together. He was obviously excited, his whole demeanor hummed with the energy. He jumped grabbing a hold of the lowest bar and started to swing his body gaining momentum. It was obvious he belonged there, he looked so comfortable so effortless. He swung unto the next bar going all the way round. It was like he was flying through the air. 

I’d known he’d been an acrobat, I’d even seen the Flying Graysons when I was younger but seeing it now, when he looked so much like the Dick I knew it was awe inspiring and shocking. It was so easy to forget he was rich and acrobatic and secretive because he didn’t make any of those things obvious. It wasn’t normal for someone so exceptional to fly so low under the radar, he wasn’t even on the map. With these skills he could easily be an Olympian yet he wasn’t even on a gymnastics team. ‘He’s Robin’ my mind offered but I pushed the thought away. I couldn’t confront him about it, if I was wrong he’d think I was absolutely ridiculous. And if I was right... my best friend was a vigilante and it would change everything.

I felt crazy, here I was having a sleepover with my best friend and I was thinking of ways he could be some hot sociopathic vigilante. I took a deep breath and tried to just watch but everytime he flipped or swung I kept imagining him in the Robin suit. He finally dismounted arms up and a look of pure joy on his face which of course only made me feel more guilty. I clapped and he came over and hugged me, I immediately stiffened up. It was both unexpected and uncharacteristic of him but I tried my best to loosen up hugging him back.

“What’s that about?” I asked gently.

“Just felt right,” I heard him mumble somewhat, yet something else that felt out of place. It didn’t really occur me until he didn’t but he always annunciated and spoke clearly.

Dick pulled back holding me at arms length, the silence and closeness should’ve felt uncomfortable it almost did but that was pushed to the back of my mind. He always made me feel comfortable and I was too lost in my thoughts of him right now to be quite so aware of the silence.

“Cool right?” He cracked a smile.

“Yeah, the coolest” I said back quietly returning a smile. It was like we were thirteen again and he was showing me some backflip or some little toy he’d tinkered with or a computer program he’d reprogrammed and I was always desperately trying to keep up with him, not to be left behind by the seemingly unstoppable force that was Dick Grayson.

Chapter Text

Bruce was going to kill me. I was going to die. Goodbye, I guess it was fun? Considering I was an orphaned, ex-circus performer, vigilante of perhaps one of the worst crime cities in the country maybe not. Seriously what was up with that though, how did Gotham get this bad? Off topic, anyway I was going to die. People weren’t allowed at the house unless Bruce was here and had approved it ahead of time, not only was she here without Bruce but I hadn’t even told him. I just wanted Kath to see the house so bad, it wasn’t because it was big and nice although it was, I felt like this would be one less secret between us. She didn’t know that she basically knew nothing about me, but I did, and that fucking sucked. I hated that feeling, our relationship felt so one-sided to me, like I was watching her talk to someone else through a window. A very very thick, bulletproof, one-way window that Batman was standing in front of with his arms crossed. Yeah, maybe this is why the big guy was so sad and lonely and moped around all the time instead of ya know talking to someone.

I stuck the landing throwing my hands up in a completely overdramatic way. I smiled breathing hard because yeah I was definitely showing off for her, then again I was always at my best for Kath. She clapped a reserved smile present, I just looked at her for a minute, she seemed kind of far away at the moment. I watched her, her posture, her eyes, her smile and I don’t know exactly why but I hugged her, tightly. I felt like she was slipping through my fingers and I needed to hold on or else I’d lose her forever. It wasn’t too hard to believe given the fact I nearly exposed myself as Robin the other day.

It was like I was trying to say I’m Robin. I’m Robin. I’m Robin, I wanted to tell her so bad but I couldn’t, it was like everything I did was trying to hint at that. I just wanted her to see me for who I really was. I’d never been so close to anyone outside of this life and the lies were beginning to kill me, how would she ever trust me again? Would she even accept it? Her and Wally were my best friends, but Wally knew, and Wally wasn’t my best friend like she was. It was different, Wally was like my brother, Kath was like the oxygen I needed to breathe. When that mugger was aiming a gun at her I nearly lost my mind, it didn’t help that Emily endangering them both, I was ready to strangle them both for walking in a back alley at night in that neighborhood but people gotta live I guess.

“What’s that about?” Her voice broke my train of thought, it was quiet, gentle. I didn’t realize how long we’d been standing there.

“Just felt right,” I mumbled, I felt like I wasn’t really present, maybe I was the one who was far off and I was just trying to get to her. Kath was like my lifeline to the world, the one person that stopped Dick Grayson from just being Robin’s cover. The person that gave me a tether to the real world.

“Cool right?” I cracked a smile, I wanted her to pull me back now, I knew I was getting lost in my thoughts.

“Yeah, the coolest,” She said still in that gentle tone. Having her look up at me with that gleam in her eyes, I never wanted to lose that, as much as I wanted her to know everything if she lost that gleam and it was my fault? I didn’t want that for her, but if I cut her off? I don’t think that would go any better, I wasn’t dumb Kath needed me too.

I would’ve stayed there longer, forever if I could, I felt at home which considering my lack of roots it wasn’t an easy thing to find for me. If not for the doorbell of course. Curse Bruce’s incredibly efficient doorbell. I sighed pulling away from her, she seemed resistant to the idea which of course just tickled me green.

“I should probably see whose here,” I rubbed the back of my head pulling at some long hairs absentmindedly, I always waited too long to get a haircut.

“Won’t Alfred?” I raised my eyebrow, was that annoyance in her voice? Oh my god was I missing something more because is this whole time I’ve been muddling through the unrequited love thing and she was too I might actually scream.  

“Yeah… but Bruce isn’t home so I should see who it is” I knew my face looked smug because she got that look she does when I’m being a bit of an ass. I couldn’t help it, jaded sass was like a requirement of being a superhero especially in Gotham. “You can come with,” I stated like it was obvious, which apparently she did not think so. Kath punched my arm and snorted before heading out in front of me. I caught up and went ahead anyway because she still had no idea where she was going, I don’t blame her.

“Master West!” We heard as we walked into the entrance hall. I caught a glimpse of a frock of red hair collapsing to the ground.

“Wally!” I sprinted to his side propping his head up on my knee, he was out of uniform but he was in tatters. Shit, not now, Wally you can’t do this to me.

Chapter Text

“You ginger bastard you better be okay” I heard Dick mutter under his breath as I got closer. The boy was out cold but he looked like he might not wake back up. Dick hoisted the boy’s body into his arms standing up carrying him bridal style like it was nothing.

“Dick…” I started but I didn’t even know what to say, what to ask. I didn’t know this guy who was obviously very important to Dick. Why was he important to Dick when I’d never even heard of him, why was he here, why wasn’t Dick taking him to the hospital? He didn’t acknowledge me instead walking past me, I began to follow him absentmindedly.

“Mistress Katherine please stay here,” I heard Alfred say but I ignored him, Alfred began to follow us as well but I had the feeling he wasn’t following to stop me. We came to a point in the hallway where Dick turned to the wall.

“Open the door” He called out clearly.

“Voice recognition: Robin” A robotic female voice spoke coming from nowhere and all around us. Dick closed his eyes sighing deeply, his shoulders dropping. He was Robin, I was right, he was Robin .

The door slid open to reveal a stairway to god knows where I could feel the emotion rising in my chest. I felt… betrayed, outraged, I wanted to know why, why he wouldn’t tell me, why he would bother trying so hard to keep me in the dark just to tell me in this way. Because that’s just it, he didn’t tell me, he was forced to reveal it. He began to walk down the stairs.

“You can’t come down here,” His voice had an indescribable listlessness to it, it cut me even deeper. I didn’t bother responding, what was there to say? I just turned away going into the entrance hall and sitting on the stairs looking absentmindedly at the door. Was I supposed to leave? Wait for him? God, I didn’t really know anymore.

“Miss Katherine would you like a cup of tea?” Alfred offered me a kind and warm smile holding out a hand withered with time. I took it and he helped me up and lead me to the kitchen where he brewed some tea. It was easy to be in his company, surprisingly it wasn’t even awkward but I’m sure Alfred was used to nights like this.

“Don’t judge the young master too harshly just yet Miss Katherine,” He spoke setting the mug in front of me.

“Why shouldn’t I?” I said a little more harshly than I intended, there was no reason to take my pain out on Alfred, he didn’t deserve that, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to say it like that”.

“Don’t worry about that,” Alfred chuckled, “Master Bruce has quite the temper, I’ve been listening to his tirade’s since he could walk”. He seemed to be remembering something fondly, I didn’t want to pressure him but I wanted him to defend Dick, I wanted him to tell me why I shouldn’t hold it against him, I needed a reason not to be so pissed off and I was too pissed off to think of one. It’s impossible to rationalize when you’re not even being rational.

“Alfred?” I prompted gently.

“The nature of what Master Bruce and Dick do is very dangerous, they cannot share it with anyone” He took a sip of the tea he’d made for himself.

“Why wouldn’t he trust me though? He can trust me,” Even I could hear the whining quality, I was being a child, but somehow the knowledge of that didn’t stop me.

“Is your reaction now supporting that in any way? Beyond that this does not change who he is, he was still Robin before you knew him, Dick Grayson is Robin, Robin is not Dick Grayson” Alfred was a calming presence but all that philosophical jargon was not helping my mood.

“What?” Alfred laughed a little pausing to take another sip of his tea.

“Robin is a mask for Dick Grayson, Robin is the persona, not Dick Grayson,” I thought about it for a minute, and I knew that but him saying it made that more tangible. I was still mad, and it wasn’t a anger with purpose, it was one of those emotions that just boiled over and you weren’t quite sure why. It was an anger that left me feeling empty and regretful.

“Right,” I cast my eyes down taking another sip of tea. Even if Robin was the mask it was the kind of thing that was apart of you, you don’t do things like what Robin does and come away unscathed, all this time I’d been thinking me and Dick were the same, we both survived trauma but he was different. He came out of all that as more and less I just survived.

I stayed for hours waiting around, it was good though. I had time to let the intensity of it all fade maybe by the time I saw him again I’d had my head on straight, doubtful but worth hoping. I heard his footsteps as I was sitting on the couch, I was on my fourth cup of tea. He just stood in the doorway leaning against it with his arms crossed, eyes downcast.

“So Robin, what's next?” I offered a weak smile and when he looked up I knew everything was going to work out somehow.

Chapter Text

“Want to meet Wally?” A weak smirk pulled at the corners of Dick’s lips. I was still empty, hollow, the remnants of senseless rage left but I knew he was probably feeling something similar, so we were both making an effort.

“So that’s mystery boy’s name?” My voice had more of an edge than I’d intended and I could tell that Dick picked up on it, “of course I would if he’s awake and all”.

“Yeah, he’s alright” Dick’s eyes got unfocused, he looked wistful. There was obviously a lot history between these two, just by the tone of Dick’s voice I knew this wasn’t exactly the first time Dick had been in this sort of situation, I knew Dick, and yet I was left with this feeling that there was so much to him I had yet to uncover. He was familiar to me, but his life, what made him who he was, was not.

I set my tea on the end table and got up following Dick would let me back into the hallway. This time he pressed his hand against the wall and a scanner lit up running the length of his hand.

“Accepted: Robin” There was a click and a sort of whirring as a section of the wall popped out and slid into the rest of wall once against revealing the staircase although this time I could clearly see a light.

“You know it almost seems like you’re Robin, the evidence is simply overwhelming,” I said, sarcasm dripping from my words.

“You don’t say, Larke,” He rolled his eyes and began our descent, “you know why isn’t anything ever just whelming?”.

“Not that crap again,” I heard a boy’s voice echo as the cave? I guess that’s what it would be, opened up in front of us. I couldn’t help but gasp a little. There was a goddamn cave under the house.

“I’m just asking the real questions,” Dick laughed, “Hey Wally I want you to meet Katherine”. I looked over at the freckled redhead, he was sitting up but I could still see he was in a bad way. He looked bruised and broken but somehow he still radiated energy.

“Aw come on man, you told her I’m Kidflash????” He whined giving Dick a strange variation of the puppy dog eyes. It was an interesting exchange, to say the least, Dick out his hands on his hips, like a mom. I never really noticed he was the mom friend because I was always the one being momed, a pang of jealousy struck me then thinking just how much closer he might be to this guy and I’d never even heard of him.

“No… but you just did” I laughed, it was sort of an unhinged laugh that went on longer than it should’ve. I couldn’t help myself between how emotionally exhausted I felt and a cruel need to embarrass this... competition. I felt possessive, Dick was my friend and I didn’t want to share him with someone. Especially someone who I could already tell simply oozed positivity and humor. How was I supposed to compete with that? Wally was like the sun, blinding and radiate he touched everyone in his path but left you feeling cold and dark. And Dick was the moon, a beautiful calming presence, they were thick as thieves and rightly so, I was the odd one out here and I was starting to feel it.

“Aw man” He facepalmed but winced groaning clearly remembering his injuries. I suddenly felt a little guilty which was dumb because if he wasn’t hurt I probably wouldn’t, although I should. I groaned internally just fed up with the night in general. I wish I would’ve got to see the Batcave and meet Kidflash on a day I wasn’t being such a well dick and would actually appreciate the magnitude of what Dick was showing me.

“What is going on down here?” The question was innocent enough but the gravelly death threat underlying it made my spine shiver, Bruce was home. Wally’s face paled and his body which seemed to always be in some sort of motion went completely still. But none of that compared to the look on Dick’s face, it probably looked something like my own not too long ago.

“Dick, start explaining immediately” Bruce’s voice could cut iron, I knew Dick was in a lot of trouble now and I didn’t know if me speaking would just make it worse.

“Wally was hurt…” He looked like he wanted to say more but thought better of it and shut up, I noticed he’d taken on a sort of perfect posture. Not that Dick was ever slouching but he was certainly standing straight as a board now, and tense too, that was obvious just looking at him.

“And so that prompted you to take him into the Batcave and to not only expose yourself to Katherine but the ENTIRE OPERATION !?” Bruce broke from a quiet anger into a white-hot rage. So Wally wasn’t supposed to be here either, I was relieved I wasn’t the focus of that blind rage but I wanted so badly to comfort Dick in some way, I think Wally did too.

“Mr Wayne…” I began but the look Dick shot me shut me up instantly.

“Miss Larke, I…” Bruce seemed to attempt to gather himself it seemed whatever horrible temper he had he at least tried to contain when talking to someone else,  “I’ll deal with you later.” He turned on his heel grabbing Dick by the neck and steering him into some back room in which he proceeded to slam the door shut.

“Man and I always complain about how strict The Flash is,” Wally gave me a side eye trying to feel out my reaction.

“Yeah Bruce is a whole new level,” as if on cue there was a muffled yelling coming from the room, I didn’t have the heart to try and make anything out, I didn’t want to know what kind of punishments Dick was going to have to endure because of me.

“Speaking of which he’s probably going to get me in trouble with The Flash,” Wally groaned fully hoping off the table and bracing himself against it, he was already looking a little better.

“So what happened to you?” I crossed my arms suddenly remembering the incident that started this whole mess. He just shrugged and checked some of his wounds.

“You can’t know all our secrets, it’s only your first day,” I must’ve had a strange expression because he then proceeded to say, “Don’t you worry, I heal fast, I’ll be fine.”

“Great,” I muttered a little sarcastically, “Not that I was asking.” He laughed despite the awkward tension and the seething Batman yelling in the next room.

“I think I like you Larke”. He smiled laughing to himself a little, some much about that reminded me of Dick I had to wonder who picked it up from who.

Chapter Text

“No, NO WHY CAN’T YOU TRUST ME?!” The door slammed open as Dick’s screamed as Bruce’s retreating figure.

“Because of what you decided to do with that trust Dick, this kind of behavior is unacceptable, don’t even think about going out on patrol for the next month,” Bruce wasn’t yelling like before but this is seemed worse, much worse. And the look on Wally’s face told me I was right.

“I’m not your sidekick Bruce, I’m your fucking partner!” Dick lashed out slamming his fist on the wall, Bruce turned on his heel towering over Dick’s frame.

“One more word and you can forget about being Robin,” Bruce rubbed his temples seeming completely unaware we were still there, “you’ve pulled some shit but this Dick, exposing us? It goes against everything!”

“Fine, then I’m done,” He stormed past Bruce bumping his shoulder and grabbed my bicep, I gasped a little and he loosened his grip but continued to pull me along, “Wally!” He shouted seeming to remember and Wally hopped up hobbling along after us leaving Bruce in what I assumed was shock. It’s hard to tell considering Bruce’s expressions don’t have much of a range.

Wally and I waited in the entrance hall for god knows what, but neither of us were about to argue with Dick while he was in this mood. I jumped at every noise expecting Bruce to come up but he didn’t. Dick eventually came back down the stairs a bag in arm and nothing but fire in his eyes.

“We’re leaving” Dick sounded like Bruce in that moment and Wally reacted immediately standing up. I followed and we walked to the garage which unsurprisingly was also quite large. There were six or seven cars each seemingly more expensive than the next and once again I was beginning to feel hopelessly poor as Dick threw his bag into a red Mercedes.

Wally grabbed shotgun and I popped into the back as Dick started the engine and floored it. We shot out of the garage and ripped through the driveway which was quite a ways off from the main gate. He pressed a button on the console and the gates began to open, the car tore through those as we began towards the Gotham city skyline.

“Where are we going?” I asked somewhat meekly, admittedly I’d never seen Dick this mad as didn’t really know what to do with it.

“I’m going to drop you off at your house, then I’m going to handle Wally’s little problem and then I’m going to drop him off and find a place to stay,” His grip on the wheel was so tight I could see the white of his knuckles.

“Are you actually quitting the life?” Wally said so quietly I almost didn’t hear it. Wrapped up in my own thoughts I wasn’t even thinking about what he was actually going through with, I’d only know Dick and Robin to be the same person for a couple of hours and it seemed unfathomable that Robin would be no more now.

“No… I don’t know Wally” His response was equally quiet and I suddenly felt like I was intruding on a moment. As if to confirm that Wally turned to look at me, seeming to try and get a read on me.

“What about the team Dick? They need you, and where are you going to stay?” I was definitely hearing things I wasn’t supposed to now.

“I don’t know” Dick gripped the wheel tighter.

“What about the cave? Or my place?” Wally kept looking back at me, I should probably pretend I wasn’t listening but it was a small car that would be ridiculous.

“I can’t, Bruce would find me. Besides,” Dick looked at me through the rearview mirror, “ Miss Martian and Super Boy don’t know who I am, it’d be impossible to maintain my secret identity for that long.”

“Well, that doesn’t exactly seem like it’s one of your priorities lately huh?” Wally crossed his arms looking out the window.

“And what exactly is that supposed to mean?” I was starting to see the resemblance between Dick and Bruce, and I didn’t know if that was a good thing or not. They both had an uncanny ability to positively dominate the space around them, the difference was is Dick seemed to turn it off and on.

“You know exactly what it means Dick ,” Wally looked at me through the rearview mirror as well and that time I looked away, “so you’ll tell a civilian who you are but not your own team.”

“Batman-” Dick started but Wally cut him off.

“Don’t give me that crap, Batman didn’t tell you to reveal yourself to her either, it’s a god damn double standard and you know it, you can’t use his authority of you as an excuse when you pull shit like this.” Wally looked out the window again, I could feel the tension rolling off the two but it was different this time, less alpha male and more just hurt.

We pulled up in front of my house and I was just glad to get out of the car, I was also hoping the car wouldn’t attract too much attention, then again everyone knew I was friends with the billionaire's son. I grabbed my backpack from the back before walking up to the driver side window.

“Just so you know you’re always welcome in my home,” I spoke privately to Dick as he rolled down the window and cupped his cheek giving him a kiss on the other. I waved and offered a soft smile to both of them but it was only returned by Dick. Wally looked downright mad… no possessive. They waited to pull out until I was in my house and I watched them drive off from the door. I sighed closing and locking the door before heading up to my room, my mom was working the graveyard shift at Gotham General so I was alone tonight.

I laid down in my bed looking up at my ceiling. Dick was Robin. And now he wasn’t. And I kissed him. I kissed Robin. Even if it was just on the cheek. God only knows what would happen now. I drifted off to sleep without even changing until I was awoken by a knocking. I rubbed my eyes and started to get up going to the door thinking it was my mom until I realized the knocking was behind me. I turned to see Dick crouching on my windowsill like a god damn bird man.

“What are you doing?” I laughed opening the window.

“I don’t want your mom to see” He smiled his eyes shining. I looked at the clock, it had been nearly 5 hours since he’d left. I can’t believe I passed out like that.

“She’s not home, but she will be soon,” I rested my elbows on the windowsill just caught up in his gaze, my chest felt so light now that he was here and all traces of that anger were gone.

“That invitation still standing?” He asked gripping onto the bottom of my open window.

“Mhmm” I nodded.

“You gonna let me in then?” There was a lightly mocking tone to his voice and I laughed moving aside. He slides in with grace and landed on the hardwood virtually soundless. He propped his bag against the foot of my bed and opened it up digging out a toothbrush. He took off his shirt and put it in his bag before turning to go into my bathroom. I couldn’t help but watch him, he’d slept over hundred of times but come to think of it I’d never seen him shirtless.

“Dick?” I mused.

“Hmm?” He said muffled by the toothpaste.

“Are those your pj’s?” I began to change into my own. He gargled some water and spit into the sink.

“Yep, I always sleep shirtless” I smiled leaning against my sink and leaving his brush and paste on the sink. It felt so… domestic.

“Oh really, since when?” I crawled into bed pulling the covers back enough for him to come in.

“Always, I just never took my shirt off so that people didn’t make the connection that I wasn’t your average teenager” He crawled into bed and laid his head on the pillow looking up at me. Closer now and not as blinded by his amazing definition I could see all the silvery scars running across his skin, some still red and angry clearly recent.

“Dick..” My voice broke as I ran my hand over a particularly recent wound across his collarbone. He grabbed my wrist.

“Don’t Kath, this is how it is,” He dropped my wrist. Although I knew factually that Dick was Robin and Robin had been out there since I was 9 which meant Dick was 9 I couldn’t logically connect the two. They still felt like separate entities even though the longer I knew the more it was ever so obvious.

“Dick, you’re 17, you sound like you’re some weathered street cop,” I laid down next to him pulling the covers up. He laughed a cruel little laugh.

“You should see Batman, this is nothing,” He groaned turning over. I placed my hand on his back and traced some of his scars trying desperately to imagine him at 9 out there fighting crime. It terrified me to even think of it and to think some of these were that old. We fell asleep that way our breathing rising and falling together. It was nice to have him so close, it felt like old times. 

Chapter Text

It had been weeks, nearly a full month since ‘I’d quit’. Whatever it was just big talk, a moment of anger, I was a crime-fighting orphan and a certain amount of rebellion should be expected. But Bruce wasn’t reaching out and it was beginning to get difficult to live at Katherine’s without her mom knowing and I was really starting to run out of clothes if I spilled one more thing on my school button down it was going to have to go out of commission. Not to mention I was missing home, Alfred, patrols, even Bruce.

I spit out my toothpaste and looked in the mirror seeing Katherine getting changed. My eyes lingered too long and I splashed some water in my face trying to shake the feeling, it was getting hard to live with Katherine like this. I was forced to acknowledge feelings about her I generally tried to ignore and I felt more like a pet than anything, I stayed in her room for most of the day outside of school and really could only roam while her mother was at work, even then it was a small house and I was used to space.

I was beginning to lose my sanity, I was becoming tense cooped up like this, my body was used to so much more I needed to move . Class was absolutely mind-numbing without my ‘extracurriculars’ to keep me centered, I was failing mandarin which was purely due to my lack of will to complete the assignments because I was quite literally fluent. I couldn’t sit through classes with all this pent-up energy, I barely had the motivation to work before. I always knew I had more important things to do before and class still felt redundant given Bruce trained me both academically and physically in anything I needed to know but I knew I had to get good grades, now I couldn’t even rationalize myself to do it.

“Oh fuck yes!” I couldn’t stop myself from grinning, I knew exactly what I needed. I threw my toothbrush into the holder and bounded into the bedroom.

“Oh my god, Dick what?” She laughed at what probably seemed like insanity. I think Katherine was beginning to get just as fed up with my restless energy as I was considering I was kind of destroying her room with my attempts to entertain myself.

“Why do I have to stop? I don’t. I have all the skills and I brought my mask,” I rummaged through my bag and pulled out my Robin mask showing it to her like a kindergartner at show and tell, “I can throw something together for my costume that hardly matters, that’s the perfect way to get Bruce to make the next move! Because we know I can’t come back after all that but like I’m not seriously giving it up, I just can’t. And Bruce has to contact me eventually, he can’t ice me out forever, Batman needs Robin, he needs me. And even if he doesn’t I mean… He’s… he’s Bruce” I shot off, skidding around calling him dad. He was for all intents and purposes my father but I remembered my father, I felt like I’d be betraying him. And what Bruce and I had was love in some ways, but it was more like the bond two soldiers have or detective partners, or an older brother. I wasn’t sure all I knew is I constantly found myself worshipping at his feet.

“Woah Woah there Dick, slow down. What are you doing?” She looked apprehensive at best, oh this was so not going to go over well with her.

“Robin, I can still be Robin. Well not Robin, because ‘I quit’, but like Batwing? Nighthawk? I don’t know I’ll figure it out later.” I gripped her shoulders and shook her trying to jar some emotion other than confusion.

“You can’t,” She seemed to struggle with what to say next, “you can’t just become a new vigilante.”

“Uhhhhh yes you can, what do you think Batman did? Green Arrow? The Flash? Would you like me to go on…” I smirked because I’d won, I had to have. What I didn’t anticipate was that a readiness to throw oneself in harm's way was not on most people’s agendas.

“Dick you don’t have all the gadgets, and I don’t even know what you use but there’s no way you’re going out there with no more protection than that mask.” She crossed her arms grabbing her bag for school, she was already dressed and ready while I was still in my pj’s, I was starting to think maybe I wasn’t going to school today.

“Look I only told Bruce all of that because I wanted him to admit he was wrong, it takes something pretty dramatic to get him to do that but Katherine, I need this and if he’s not going to budge I need to do something to prove I’m serious,” I left out the part about how if I didn’t get a chance to stretch my limbs I was going to roundhouse kick the next teacher that asked me to stop tapping my foot in the face. I wouldn’t actually… that would be rude and uncalled for, but I was seriously losing my marbles.

“Okay, well can we talk about this later we’re going to be late?” The look she gave was the same look Alfred used to give me when I asked for another cookie and he said ‘maybe later’, maybe later always meant never, it was just a nicer way of saying it. And I think Alfred felt bad when Bruce blatantly denied me things.

“Uh, sure sure” I smiled knowing that the easiest way to get around a ‘maybe later’ was to convince them you were over it and then do it anyway. Worked with Bruce every time, I always felt too guilty to do that to Alfred though.

I threw on my uniform grabbing my bag. I had to go out of the bedroom window and around the back alley where we parked the Mercedes in secret. I got in and turned the car on waiting for Kath since she had to pretend like she was walking the direction of school before she b-lined for the alley. Turning on some music I sat back trying to plan how I was going to go out and find some crime tonight.

Nightwing has stirred, and taken to flight.

I perked up turning up the volume, Black Sabbath was a little heavy for the morning but something about those lyrics stirred within me. The song spoke to me in a way only people who are having an internal crisis and come across one of those songs that accidentally describe it perfectly do. Granted I knew the song was about an owl… but I’d spent nine years masquerading around like a bird boy at night, I’d developed an affinity for birds, especially nocturnal ones. I was in a kind of manic mood anyway but it be like that sometimes.

The day proceeded to move at a snail’s pace. I was only halfway through first period when I just decided I just couldn’t wait. Life couldn’t wait, school could.

“Miss Martin may I use the bathroom” My hand shot up.

“Mr. Grayson… It’s highly inappropriate at this time,” She stopped writing on the chalkboard.

“I like neeeed to, it’s absolutely necessary at this time,” My foot was tapping like crazy, Barbara gave me a weird look but Miss Martin nodded her approval.

“Wait Miss Martin I have to go too,” Barbara’s hand shot up.

“Miss Gordon…” Her voice was tight.

“Please, it’s lady stuff,” Barbara did her best to look innocent and unassuming which wasn’t hard for her.

“Very well, but both of you be back before I finish the example,” She turned back to the board and I sprung up subtly scooping my bag up with me. I tried to walk swiftly once I hit the hallway trying to avoid Barbara.

“Oh no you don’t,” She grabbed my arm, “Where have you been lately, I haven’t seen you with him at all.”

“It’s complicated, family stuff Barb,” I tried to act like it wasn’t a big deal but I’d been avoiding talking to her alone for some time which was pretty difficult and Barbara definitely noticed.

“Uh huh, sure and why’d you grab your backpack,” She eyed the bag over my shoulder glaring at me, she was pretty intimidating when she wanted to be.

“More family stuff… you know how it is, now I would let go if I were you, you don’t want to get in trouble,” She released her grip but didn’t quite seem ready to concede. Just then Artemis spotted us from down the hall.

“Hey look Barb, I gotta run,” I saluted her before opening the nearest window and slinging myself out of it, I front rolled into a landing and stood up brushing myself off. It felt so good to move like that again, was it incredibly flashy and potentially revealing? Yes, but I needed to get away from Artemis before she had time to grill me. I liked it better before she knew who I was at school, it was fun pulling fast ones on her. I took off at a sprint vaulting over the fence surrounding Gotham Academy.

I could take a beta tube to the cave… get some supplies there, but then Batman would be notified and I’d run into Conner and M’gann, that was too risky. So I was still on my own, especially since Kath was 100% against me here. Oh well, I was used to pretty shitty odds. For a moment I stopped as fear clutched my heart, what if I ran into the Joker? Alone… I couldn’t take him, distract him? Yes, keep him busy? Yep, but if the Bat wasn’t coming for me I don’t know if I could hold my own. What were the odds? Then again no one ever expected the Joker.

I tried to shake it off but the thought remained in the back of my mind. I resolved that if I ran into him I would get out as soon as possible, it went against everything I was, everything I was trained to be but it was more than just a fear of death, I faced death often, the Joker invoked in me some kind of primal fear, he haunted my childhood and wove his way into my psyche. People didn’t understand, they didn’t understand what Batman faced, other heroes underestimated him, other villains did but he was not to be trifled with ever, by anyone, he was dangerous because he had only one goal and it was to break Batman, not physically but mentally, morally. Joker rose solely to challenge everything the Batman stood for and he terrified me.

I found my way onto one of the rooftops I traversed during patrols and immediately felt better up there. My favorite place was on top of Wayne Enterprises overlooking the city, but I’d be too apparent there in the daylight. I dug through my bag looking for anything that might be of use to me. What was in my bag was all I had from the house, I changed out of my uniform and pulled on some black sweatpants I wore in training. I was digging for a shirt when I pulled out a Batman shirt, of all things. The emblem was blue, I had gotten it from one of those street vendors. It always seemed dumb but given Bruce’s public support of Batman and the fact every other kid my age had stuff like this, it would be pretty weird if I didn’t at least now it was of some use to me.

Pulling it on I realized just how removed from normalcy I was, most kids wore this for fun, because hey that superhero was from their block or that hero saved their uncle one time or something. And everyone had opinions, Batman’s bad, Superman’s a threat, Martian Manhunter can’t be trusted, but none of them knew what it was like to have to make those decisions, to have the responsibility of being able to make a difference. I had been in this life so long there was never another option for me, never another path. The only choice for me was whether I’d turn out like Batman or become something new.

I would still need something to fight with, with Batman I had gadgets on top gadgets and generally speaking I never forgot my belt, it never left my side but I left it in my room that night. It’s not like I couldn’t fight without it, Batman knew better than to let a vulnerability that like that stand but I still felt naked, I at least wanted my rod staff. I could find something, Gotham had no shortage of trash laying around. I had a while until nightfall, a long while. I did a couple back walkovers and realized just how sore my legs were. I hadn’t done anything in weeks really, I’d never had that long of a break in my life, even at Haley’s. Well, at least I had something to do with the time now.

I was doing the splits against the wall, on the ground, pulling my legs behind my head and reaching, doing anything really to try and get limber. I did some more back walkovers before I started doing backflips, handstands. One hour, two hours, three hours maybe I should’ve stayed in school longer, this is what I get for making impulsive decisions. In lieu of that, screw waiting for nightfall what was to stop me from stopping daytime crimes?

I stopped by Kath’s window to throw my bag back into her room before sneaking into an alley to find some kind of makeshift staff. Lucky for me someone threw out a curtain, support beam and all. I popped the sockets off and twirled it around, it wasn’t really balanced but it is what it is. I came across a carjacker not a mile away, gotta love Gotham.

“Hey asshole, maybe leave the car alone?” I spun the beam a little just to communicate I wasn’t just some weirdo in a really bad costume, well I was… but I was a dangerous weirdo.

“Oh, and who are you? Robin?” The guy remarked.

“Nightwing actually,” The guy rolled his eyes.

“Oh wow, Nightwing? In the daytime really,” He went back to jacking the car.

“I wouldn’t say that to the guy holding the metal bar,” I clocked him in the back of the head and he slumped to the ground immediately. I guess I hadn’t thought of what I’d do with him after… I didn’t have my cuffs on me. So I zip tied him to a streetlamp and called the cops…

This wasn’t going to be so hard after all.

Chapter Text

“What do you think you’re doing?” The towering shadow of a bat spoke gruffly.

A young boy in a red hoodie dropped his crowbar, it was Batman and he was already gone.

~~~

I stood up during study and immediately my hips cracked. It was booming in the silence and everyone was looking at me. I couldn’t help that I thought all sore and tense when I was still for too long, I smiled sheepishly.

“Grayson man you should work out more,” Eren said somewhat to my annoyance. The bastard thought being the star quarterback of a pretty shitty team made him anything special.

“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind,” I saluted him feeling more confident with the presence of an asshole. Most people outside of my immediate friend group left me alone, the whole circus orphan boy adopted by a billionaire was a pretty good deterrent. But nothing deterred Eren, he wasn’t one of those dumb jocks he could probably wipe the floor with me in math, but no one at Gotham Academy was dumb. As a matter of fact, everyone here had the potential to become something great or a supervillain, a few people came to mind. Eren sure did like to milk his athlete status although.

“Earth to Dick,” Kath waved her hand in front of me in the hall.

“What?” I shook my head trying to focus.

“I think you should go home,” Kath held her books to her chest, it took a minute for me to register what she was saying.

“Kath… if I’m becoming a burden I can leave but if you're doing this for me forget it,” I went to the water fountain taking a sip.

“Look there’s only the weekend and then it’s already Christmas Eve, I don’t want you to miss Christmas with your family Dick,” She looked sad but sincere, we were really starting to get a rhythm going at the house and Nightwing was beginning to get a name for himself. Everything was falling into place except for the part where Bruce actually cared about me… not even Alfred had contacted me. Maybe I really was just Bruce’s toy soldier, the longer this went on the harder it was not to lose faith, I hadn’t gone back to the team yet but I had contacted Wally and I was always in touch with him.

“If they don’t want me there what’s the point,” I wiped the water from my mouth and walked by to my study. Kath may have understood me better than most but no one would ever understand what it was like for Bruce Wayne to be your adoptive father. That was a burden uniquely my own.  

The last day of finals was over in the blink of an eye and before I knew it I was back in Kath’s room absentmindedly listening to the police scanners. Kath’s mom was home tonight making dinner so that meant I was definitely ‘going out’.

Jim Gordan’s voice came over the white noise loud and clear, words that would haunt me for a long time to come.

The Bat’s down.

I bolted upright and changed as quickly as possible. I just texted Kath something to let her know I was going, I wasn’t even conscious of what. I swung out the window and sprinted through streets, up buildings, and across rooftops. Dropping into the alleyway I was panting and probably more than slightly unstable looking.

“Nightwing,” Jim stumbled back. Batman was laying there in front of me, the smoke from the sewer vents spiraling up into the night air.

“It’s Robin… I just go by a new name,” I knelt by his side checking his pulse, he was alive. I knew he was alive but apart of me was never sure. Everyone else thought he was strong because they never saw him falter, I knew he was strong because of every time I saw him get back up.

“I figured, there aren’t too many people who move like you kid,” At this point, Gordan was almost a friend… almost. It helped he was Barabara’s dad. I took a deep breath and hoisted the Bat into my arms, he was simply built like a fucking brick shithouse and I could already feel my arms wavering under the weight.

“I’m taking him back” My voice was strained, I couldn’t hold him long but long enough to get him to the Batmobile. Jim stepped aside and I walked past him towards the Batmobile, I didn’t even question what happened, why he was there, who hurt him. It was always something, there would be time but right now it was important to get him help.

I put him in the car and hoped in the front, I’d only ever driven the Batmobile a couple of times and it was always a rush. For some reason, the hubcaps were missing. I put the Batmobile in drive and took off, I sped through the empty back streets and eventually, everything started to become more sparse and run down until we were outside city limits approaching the Wayne Manor. It always just stretched of abandoned lots overgrown with wildlife out here, it was almost peaceful. But nothing Gotham touched would ever be. I pulled in through the secret entrance and into the Batcave. Alfred was waiting anxiously by the Bat-computer.

“Master Dick!” He exclaimed as I popped the top open, I couldn’t help but smile. He did miss me.

“Bruce…” I started but Alfred signaled to the flashing red on the screen, Batman’s vitals were constantly being reported back to the Bat-computer, so were mine if I had the suit on, but that wasn’t one of the things I’d taken.

“Killer Croc threw him from the terrace,” I forgot, Alfred always watched the body cam when we were out, “I believe he has quite a nasty concussion, he just needs some rest.” Alfred helped me lift him out and lay him on the med table in a separate room. Last time I was in this room Bruce was screaming at me for showing Wally the cave and revealing my identity. It felt like yesterday.

“Shall I call you Nightwing now?” Alfred looked up at me as he was wrapping Bruce’s head.

“What?” I looked at him startled, “How did you know?” Alfred gave a slight laugh.

“It’s been all over the police scanners,” He paused, “and you mustn’t repeat this but Master Bruce has been following your escapades most nights.”

That stopped me in my tracks, it changed everything about the last two months. He cared, even if it was in his own twisted way. I decided to stay then and there, I called Kath and picked up my things a few hours later. It hurt to leave but I needed to go home more than anything. Whatever was happening between me and Kath could wait.

I was sitting at the island in the kitchen eating Alfred’s waffles. It felt so good to fall back into old patterns like this. Bruce came upstairs finally and poured himself a cup of coffee seemingly ignoring my presence, I wasn’t going to lie, it hurt. He sat down in front of me with some coffee and just took a sip from it. I starred at him expectantly, I was not going to let him pretend nothing happened.

“I’m proud of you Dick,” He looked up and the corner of his lip twitched upward. It was good enough for me, I broke into a huge smile and tucked back into my waffles. I didn’t go out on patrol all weekend, he wanted me to get back into training first.

Before I knew it Christmas Eve rolled around the corner. I sat on the couch with the fire roaring, the one time of year the Manor was warm and inviting. Alfred made sure of it. Batman was on patrol but he promised he’d be back before midnight. The front doors to the Manor were thrust open and I was immediately put on edge. Bruce never came in through the front door.

I walked into the entrance hall pulling the blanket I wrapped around my shoulders closer the biting wind cutting through the warmth of the room. There he stood with his hand on the shoulder of a boy who looked about my age. I immediately dropped the blanket from my shoulders, I felt like I was staring into a bitter jaded mirror.

“Dick I want you to meet Jason Todd .” It was the beginning of a never-ending heartache.

Chapter Text

All I could think about was the cold. The wind was cutting into my core, the pathetic red hoodie I called a jacket did nothing to protect me. The only thing that kept me walking was that home was close, mom needed me. I turned the alley and I saw something that would be seared into my memory for as long as I lived. The Batmobile .

I had gone out in this weather intending to do some carjacking but didn’t end up finding any good targets, I was desperate, not stupid. Didn’t do me and mom any good if I got arrested, who would take care of her then. But this… this was perfect, the hubcaps weren’t even on yet. And wheels from the Batmobile? That would fetch a pretty penny I could feed me and mom on for weeks.

One tire. Two tires. Damn this was way too easy. I was starting to lose my nerve thinking about whose car this was. I was slowing down, my hands were shaking, and the cold definitely wasn’t helping. Now was not the time. I took a minute to breathe and continued, but I should’ve never stopped.

“What do you think you’re doing?” The gruff voice rumbled behind me. Fuck I was done.

I dropped my tire iron and bolted, the cold whipped at my face but everything was numb compared to the fear that radiated through me. As I was running up the fire escape to my building that fear turned to an adrenaline rush. I stole from the fucking Batman. And as I crawled through the window the biggest smile plastered on my face and saw my mom lying on the floor through the cracked door of her room it all turned to a realization of my failure. I didn’t even get the fucking tires, what the fuck was I supposed to feed us with now.

I closed the window and let myself slide down the wall sitting on the floor. I was shaking again. I reached for the cigs in my pocket and pulled one out taking out my lighter I flipped it open watching the flame a second longer. I rose the cig to my lips trying desperately not to shake, not like mom. I light the cig and took a long drag letting my head fall against the wall. Fuck me it was almost Christmas, Santa wasn’t real, I’d known that since my dad walked out and my mom had her first OD on Christmas Eve. But it didn’t stop me from wanting, wishing for some kind of reprieve.

“Ya know smoking will stunt your growth kid,” I dropped my cig and jumped up the butt burning my leg, “you live like this?” His voice was different, it wasn’t as commanding.

“Yeah? Last time I checked the Bat didn’t waste time on petty criminal minors,” I bit back a worse insult. This man… vigilante had the balls to chase me back to my house and then pity me? No, that was rich and I wouldn’t let it stand.

“No he doesn’t, but he does care about the well being of kids,” The hulk of a man crossed his arms.

“Well I got news for you, I’m doing just fine and I got things to do so you best be headed on your way,” I spat. I couldn’t even get in a good smoke and after the crushing disappointment of this entire day, I was ready to rip someone’s head off, Batman be damned.

“Alright kid,” He sighed and looked at my mother’s still form through the door, I cringed waiting for that look of pity I got from every adult who ever crossed into my life but it never came, “but if you need something…. Press this,” He took a Batarang with a blinking red light out of his utility belt and gave it to me. I ran my thumb over it wanting to feel something, awe, anger, but I felt nothing. I looked up to say I didn’t need it but he was gone.

Running a hand through my hair I walked into my mom’s room clutching the Batarang close. I crouched down and brushed some of her vomit soaked hair out of her fair, I could still see her breathing, but she looked bad, I needed money and soon or else mom wouldn’t get better. She needed me to do better.

I curled up next to her used to the smell of burning heroine and vomit. I starred at the glowing, pulsing light of the Batarang and fell asleep with it gripped in my fist ignoring the sharp pain in my hand. When I woke up something was wrong… it was cold, everything was cold.

I turned around on the floor to face my mom and she was gray. Her eyes were open and completely glossed over like a doll’s glass eyes, her lips purple, white foam and remnants of vomit caking them.

“Mom, it’s morning,” I knew she wouldn’t respond.

“Mom, I knew you’re tired but you have to get up,” I sat up shaking her shoulder. Hot tears were running down my face, I wiped them away.

“Mom please…” I felt my voice falter. My shoulders shook as I let the tears run this time. I heard cries and wails that I could scarcely tell were coming from me. I stood up but felt my legs give under me. I couldn’t be here, I couldn’t sit here and look at her. It was my fault if I’d only tried harder, gotten more money, was a better kid. She’d still be alive.

The next couple of hours felt more like I was dreaming, I tore through our pathetic apartment breaking tables, chairs, gathering towels, trying to kick doors off their hinges. And everything, everything I piled in the room. I lit a cig and dropped the lighter on the pile watching it go up in flames with mom under it.

I crawled out through the window and sat on the fire escape just smoking. It felt like any morning on any other day but even then I could feel the heat on my back. I could hear screams from the people upstairs, I wish they’d just shut up. When I heard the sirens I knew that was my cue. Clutching the Batarang close I wandered the city. I felt like I was freezing when I finally found some homeless huddled around a fire. Fire. Mom. Mom breathing. Mom not breathing. Definitely not, so I kept going.

The sun was setting as I saw the police station, I hadn’t even thought that’s where my feet were taking me. It was warm, I was cold, I killed my mom. So I walked in and marched straight up to the front desk. I was about to open my mouth, I wanted to. The woman at the front desk looked at me, waiting. I was a piece of street trash and I looked the part, her face said exactly that. Old anger boiled up in me and suddenly the callous scowl was back and I turned around and marched out. They beat on my dad, they beat on my mom, they beat on me. I wouldn’t give those pigs the satisfaction of breaking me.

I felt the Batarang in my pocket, not yet. I wasn’t ready yet. I found myself a box and I tried the to the best of my ability to protect myself from the wind. When I woke up it was already midday, I was so cold I couldn’t feel it anymore. I felt like I was dying, I hoped I was dying.

“Todd!” I craned my head to see Vinny coming down the street.

“What?” I spat my voice hoarse, groaning I dragged myself out of the box. I’d never felt worse in my life, it distracted from a much deeper pain.

“The cops are looking for ya, best keep your head down boi,” He clapped me on the shoulder.

“I’d say thanks but I know everything comes at a cost with you,” I shoved my hands in my pockets.

“Ah Todd, you're killin’ me,” He laughed, I didn’t, “alright, I need you to be a lookout, I’m short, consider the favor repaid.”

“I don’t really have a choice do I?” Vinny smirked and shook his head, sighing I followed him. I had nothing left to lose. I was numb, it was more than just cold I realized, I couldn’t feel anything, I felt like I was watching everything happen through a window.

“Alright Todd you know the drill,” Vin smiled breaking the lock on the med truck in front of us.

“Vin you know those things service people in the Narrows? For free? They benefit us.” I remembered the hundreds of times I’d come here for my flu shot when my mom wasn’t waking up. She’d never wake up again. I grasped the Batarang in my pocket letting the blood drip.

“Yeah and by putting green in the pockets of somebody who needs it, myself, they’ll be doing even more good,” Vinny went in. I stood. I wasn’t watching, I should’ve been watching.

Crack.

I whipped around. The Bat was standing on the truck. I looked in my pocket, I’d pressed it. I looked up, blinking, just blinking.

“What the hell?” And then Vinny was on the ground, cuffed to a poll.

“You called,” Hoarse, not gruff, I hadn’t recognized it until I heard it in my own voice. The Bat was like me.

“Yeah, I guess I did.”

“You went from a petty felon to an arsonist in only a day kid.”

“You gonna arrest me?” I was already getting ready to run. No matter how low I got I wasn’t going to give myself to the pigs.

“No, I was going to ask if you want a burger,” He cracked a smile, it looked wrong. But it felt like home. I nodded and before I knew it I was sitting on the hood of the Batmobile eating a burger with fucking Batman overlooking the city.

“There’s a place for you if you want it,” The Bat looked down at me eating a fry, I was probably the only one who’d ever seen the Bat eat a fry.

“I’ve got nothing else to go back to,” I shrugged biting into the burger, he’d given me a winter coat in the car, it was obviously his, it was huge but it was the first time I’d felt warm all winter. It was the first time I felt like I was the one being looked after.

“I’m Bruce, Bruce Wayne,” I knew who the Bat was, I should feel more, but I was already feeling too much.

“Jason, Jason Todd,” But the look on his face told me he already knew that. Merry fucking Christmas to me.

Chapter Text

Christmas Eve felt like it came so fast this year. Ever since Dick had moved in it was like time was flying past me, leaving me gasping and somewhat confused ( that’s what she said ). But now that Dick was gone everything was at a standstill, the days felt like weeks and without school I was just idling in my house waiting for something, Christmas had completely slipped my mind.

I flipped through Netflix trying to find anything that would grab my attention. When life got interesting TV was boring, why would I want to watch what I was living? Remind me of what I had only days ago. It suddenly was very clear to me why Dick was always so behind on pop culture.

Mom had volunteered to work tonight since they had such trouble getting nurses on a holiday. ‘ You’ll be fine ’ she said, ‘ you don’t need me anymore baby girl ’. That was a lie, you never stopped needing someone. I felt a little guilty, pouting because I was alone. So many other people had it so much worse, I should be happy to be so warm and comfortable with a mother who loved me, I of all people knew how easy it was to lose a parent. And how hard it was to live without them. There was no age when you’re ready.

Ding Dong.

It’s probably just late mail?

Ding Dong.

I groaned getting off the couch and dragged myself to the door.

“Wally?”

“Oh hey, is Dick around?” There was that radiant smile.

“No, he’s back home now.”

“Oh,” He nodded looking around as if trying to think of something else to say, “neat-o.” He rocked back and forth on his heels.

“Would you like to come in still?” I stepped to the side, sure I barely knew Wally but it was better than being entirely alone.

“Yeah, thanks.” He smiled walking into the house, he also looked so casual. Hyper and a little crazed but casual.

“So, what’re you doing out on Christmas Eve?” I leaned against the sofa to make polite conversation, he didn’t look like he was going to sit down anytime soon.

“I usually make some stops, say hi to people, my family is more of a Christmas Day type of family.” He ran a hand through his messy ginger locks and shrugged his jacket off throwing it over the couch. He managed to make even something as simple as that look exhilarating. Everything about him seemed so charged, so full of energy.

“So your Dick’s age? Do you go to Central City High?” I was quickly boring of this conversation, Wally didn’t strike me as shy so I couldn’t see why he was being so standoffish. He laughed a little shoving his hands in his pockets and kicking the floor absentmindedly.

“No no, I’m actually 19, I attend Penn State.” He ran his hand through his hair again, I was starting to think he just had a lot of tics. “Um I’m kind of hungry, do you have anything?”

“Oh, yeah yeah of course.” College? He was in college? Nothing about him exactly struck me as collegiate. I opened up a Tubberware container of Christmas cookies, but when I turned around he was standing in the doorway.

“Mistletoe?” He pointed towards the garnish hanging above the doorway. The surprised smirk on his face told me he didn’t quite believe it.

“Yeah, my mom loves the way it looks, she says it completes Christmas.” I held out the container to him, he just grabbed a handful of cookies. “Hungry?” I laughed.

“Yeah, I ran here.” Right, superspeed. Without the flamboyant leotards, it was honestly hard to imagine either of them being quite as capable as they were. I wonder what Superman was like in his day to day life, Bruce Wayne was all power and intimidation in any setting. I could definitely see the evidence of Wally’s metabolism, his muscle definition was lean and inconspicuous like Dick’s.

“I’m going to be blunt.” I set the Tubberware bowl down on the kitchen counter.

“Go ahead.”

“I wasn’t asking for permission.”

“I was just saying proceed.”

“I was going to anyway.”

“Oh my god just say it.”

“Why’re you still here?” I crossed my arms. “I get you didn’t want to just leave and be rude but now you’re just overdoing it.”

“Are you saying I’m not welcome?” He smirked, the freckles across his cheeks crinkled.

“No, not at all but there’s really no reason to stay, we’re not friends, and it’s kind of weird you’re out on Christmas Eve anyway.”

“I already told you why I was out.” He reached around me and grabbed another cookie.

“Okay, that doesn’t really answer my question bud.”

“Bud?” His eyes were sparkling, and I was losing my temper. How hard was it to answer a simple question?

“You’re infuriating.” I blew hot air through my nose. He laughed.

“You’re cute when you’re angry.” He crossed his arms now leaning against the doorframe.

“Wally…” I began but didn’t know what to say. “You can’t seriously tell me you came here because of me.”

“No, I mean initially no,” he paused seeming to look for the words, the most restraint I’d ever seen him show, “but then I remembered I’m lonely.”

“So what you’re trying to hook up with me?” I was mad again, but it was dull worn anger.

“No.” He shook his head. “I don’t know, I just know that I’m lonely, and I think you are too.”

“But Dick …” I didn’t mean to say it out, why did I say it out loud. I saw an anger rise in Wally’s face that I could’ve never predicted. I wouldn’t have even thought of a face as radiant and cheerful as his to be capable of an expression like that .

“But Dick what? Kath, it’s not like you’re dating, and he,” it was suddenly starting to come together for me, “he’ll always put work first. Batman first. You’ll never be his priority, his focus, not you, not any girl, not anyone .”

It all clicked now. My face felt hot and I could feel tears rising up in my eyes but there was no way I was going to cry. I would not let Kid Flash make me cry on Christmas Eve. His jealousy around me and his anger it made sense all the sudden. He loved him too . They were best friends and he hadn’t even told Wally that he moved out of my house.

I grabbed his collar and pulled him in. I kissed him and he kissed me back, a proper kiss. His lips tasted of the Christmas cookies I made, he was warm, really warm. His arms slid down my back and he pulled me in at the waist. I broke off breathing heavily.

“You were going to tell him tonight weren’t you.” I looked up but his eyes were still closed.

“Tell him what?” I could feel his breath on my face.

“That you love him.” He finally opened his eyes. But it was only for a moment as he closed them and kissed me again. His lips were so soft, and this time he pulled away.

“This is really fucked up.” He laughed softly.

“Yeah.” It felt like there was a weight lifted from my chest. Dick had been my fixation but Wally was turning out to be the cure. This would never end well, but maybe just for now.

Chapter Text

He’d been with us for days, Bruce still hadn’t said anything about it and I knew better than to ask. I’d been patrolling as Nightwing, I loved it- being Nightwing, Bruce had given me a proper suit and everything, it was official. But that’s what I was afraid of, he brought home another stray and I was never again to be Robin, it wasn’t hard to see what was happening with Jason sitting in on training. Something deep within me hurt, Bruce took me in when no one else did when I was at my lowest, Bruce was mine, and to see him do the same thing for someone else…

Whatever reason Bruce took me in, saved me, whatever he saw in me that made him train me, push me, trust me to be his Robin. I felt like all of that was nothing if he could turn around and do all of this for someone else. Jason even looked like me, but he was mean, jaded and street-hardened. He was like some weird alternate version of me. I didn’t like it, and I tried my best to like him but jealousy always bubbled up whenever I was around him.

“Dick!”

“What?” I poked my head over the banister at the sound of my name. I saw Bruce there looking up towards me.

“I want you to take Jason on patrol with you tonight, just stick to rooftops, show him the ropes.” Bruce’s voice was so commanding, so even. It conflicted with everything I felt, the worst part was I knew he wasn’t stable, he just kept a handle on everything. I felt myself spiraling as I just gazed down blankly.

“Dick.” It wasn’t a question.

“Of course.” My voice was even, stable. It seemed impossible but I just walked away. I felt so much it hurt but it was like I couldn’t do anything but keep going, keep moving. I saw him come out of his room, Jason .

I didn’t want to talk to him right now or see him, I didn’t want to see anyone. I needed to decompress immediately, I had so much bottled up inside of me and I felt incapable of letting, I couldn’t scream, couldn’t act out. I went into my room and locked the door just sitting against it.

Breathe in.

One, two, three….

Breathe out.

One, two, three….

Breathe in.

One, two, three…

I went on like that until I fell into the rhythm naturally. There had been such a tightness in my chest that I didn’t even notice how bad it was until it was gone. I banged my head against the door, I was so overdramatic. This was it, the job . It’s not like I was being thrown out, I shouldn’t be so upset. But I couldn’t help but feel like I failed, I failed Batman and was being replaced because of it. He may have said he was proud but he couldn’t trust me after that stunt I pulled, how could I do that ? I wanted to scream at myself. I messed up. It was my fault. I was the only one to blame . I had to stop and breathe again.

I knew I had to go down to the Batcave for patrol but I didn’t want to, I didn’t want Batman to see me in this state. I wanted him to think I was strong, strong enough to carry on my own. I could be Nightwing, I’d made this bed so I would fucking lie in it. That was my job . So he wouldn’t. I stood up and breathed deeply, straightening my posture I changed into my suit.  

I’m strong .

I walked out of my room.

I’m better than Robin .

Down the stairs.

This is not a punishment.

Through the entrance hall.

I’m more than a mask .

Down the stairs behind the grandfather clock.

I’m fine. Everything is fine.

I saw Batman and… Jason waiting for me. I slid into the Batmobile. I was still in shotgun, I was still me, and Bruce was still Bruce, and nothing had changed between us. There was just Jason now and that did not mean I wasn’t enough. Jason was not my replacement. I tried so hard to convince myself.

“You good Grayson?” Grayson. I hated that he called me that, I hated when he called me anything.

“Better than.” I smiled easily. It scared me how naturally I could fake it. The rest of the car ride was pretty silent and I could hear Jason shifting uncomfortably in the back. I smirked to myself, I knew Batman better than to need to fill silence between us. We hardly even talked on missions, I knew what he wanted me to do, I knew what he was thinking. Sorry Jay, I wasn’t that easy to replace. Nine years of partnership was impossible to fake.

The minute Batman left me with him I felt lost. What was I supposed to do with the little punk? I’d only known him for three days and he already didn’t listen to me, and now he just sat there… staring at me… just staring. God, this was awkward.                               

“So?”

“What?”

“Aren’t you supposed to like.... teach me? Ya know like you do.” He had this shit eating smirk that made me what to whap him with my bow staff. I glared but it didn’t seem to affect the little shit in the slightest. Actually, he was quite the opposite of little.

“You’re supposed to be learning.” It was kind of a dumb response but it had truth to it. Batman never said much when he started training me, compared to now he was talking nonstop back then but he was always more a learn by doing kind of teacher, and he’d be there to catch you if you fell. Literally and figuratively, although you had to fall first to figure that out.

“Whatever Grayson.” He rolled his eyes, something about the way he said my name really ticked me off as if he knew me. He didn’t know jackshit about me.

“Why don’t you just call me Dick?” I crossed my arms.

“Cause that’s fucking weird Grayson .”

“What are you 12? It’s just my name.”

“I’m 15.”

“You’re 15?! I thought you were at the very youngest my age.” Between the muscle definition and attitude I just assumed he was older. I guess being an asshole was deceiving. It did occur to me that his life on the streets, whatever it was, made him this way but I didn’t want to give him any kind of sympathy. He was my competition, Bruce would laugh if he knew. If Bruce ever laughed anymore.

“Oh yeah and what’s that, 11?” I narrowed my eyes at him.

“I’m going to be 18 this year.” He looked genuinely shocked. I had to admit other than the fact I kind of hated him, emphasis on the kind of, that hurt.

I’m going to check out an armed robbery, stay on course. That’s an order, not a suggestion.

Batman came over the coms in our ear stopping any further conversation. I pressed my finger to the button.

Copy.

Jason flinched a little. It gave me a little joy, he wasn’t used to the feedback from the coms when they were being used in close vicinity like this. It also made him seem more human to be honest, up until then he was all grimaces, smirks, and witty retorts. I never saw him break.

“Come on little birdie.” I gave him a shit-eating grin as I waved him towards the fire escape.

“Oh, you are definitely not going to call me that .” He followed me was ease, no matter how much I was threatened by him, Jason was a good candidate. I just didn’t know why there needed to be a candidate.

“Well on the field, I can’t call you Jason, and you can’t call me Grayson or Dick for that matter.”

“Then call me Robin.”

“No.” I snapped and immediately felt guilty.

“Look, what are our codenames for if not that?” All his bite was gone. Maybe, just maybe he wasn’t so bad.

“Fine, we’ll go with Robin and Nightwing… I guess.” I didn’t like it, I was Robin for nine years. Saying it without referring to myself felt so wrong, it left a bad taste in my mouth. As I neared the roof something felt awfully wrong. I was practically getting goosebumps.

“Hello little birdies .” I saw the Joker’s face before me and my simply heart stopped.

“Jason RUN !” I screamed before he pushed me over the railing. I grasped onto the bar as my body hit the side hard, my head was spinning.

“I’m afraid that just won’t do Boy Wonder.” That laugh, that fucking laugh. It was everywhere as he picked my fingers off one by one. I tried desperately to find footing but it was too late. I slipped reaching out. Everything rushed past me in blurs of blue and grey.

“ Grayson!” And everything went black.

As I came to I had a splitting headache. My head rolled and I saw I was in some kind of abandoned warehouse. I tried to move but I quickly found that I was bound to a chair. Shit, Jason . I looked to my side and saw him bound to a support beam unconscious.

“So glad you could make it, you may have a new name but you’re the same old Robin aren’t you?” He laughed pacing in front of me. I didn’t see anything else, there had to be something more to this.

“I don’t recall sending an RSVP Joker.” I spit and heard Jason stir.

“Oh no worries little wing, it’s not that kind of party.” He snarled with that unsettling smile. I was terrified, I was scared out of my mind and I could barely think. I needed to think. Batman would be so ashamed, this is exactly what I was trained for. Breathe. Think. Calm down. I blinked trying to assess the situation but I was backhanded and the next I knew I was on looking at the world on it’s side.

“That’s no way to treat a guest.” My cheek burned but the cool and rough quality of the concrete numbed it. I had to keep him talking. Keep him entertained.

“It’s my party, and I’ll HIT YOU if I want to.” He broke into a fit of mad laughter. I was going to die. My worst nightmares were being realized and all I could do was panic. I was pathetic.

“You fucking maniac.” Jason snarled from the corner straining against the constraints. The Joker gasped putting his hands on his cheeks in mock shock.

“Well old Robin looks who’s finally decided to wake up?!” The splash of brillant greens and purples were in stark contrast with the greys and blues of Gotham. It looked so wrong, he looked so wrong.

“Joker your business is with me, leave him alone.” I growled craning my neck to keep both of them in my sight.

“Shut up boy.” He stalked over and kicked me in the stomach.

Crack.

My abdomen burned as I convulsed coughing and sputtering. The very act of it only caused me more pain. I inhaled sharply as just the pressure of the ground was hurting me. I think I’d broke my rib. I’d panicked, I’d been complacent in my capture, I’d let him torment me and Jason, and now he’d broke my rib. I was failing, and it was going to cost us dearly. It had been my job to look out for Jason, Batman had left him in my charge.

“Where is he? Where is he?! WHERE IS HE?!” The muttering turned to a roar as the Joker kicked me again. This time I coughed up blood, the pain was blinding and I could feel my grip loosening.

“It was SUPPOSED TO BE PERFECT. The robbery would give me enough time to kidnap you two little MISCREANTS and then Bats would come in as I was killing you both. Two birds with one stone.” He broke into another crazed fit of laughter.

“Get it? Because you’re both Robin.” Laughing, laughing, laughing. It never stopped. The way he snapped from laughing to angrily screaming gave me whiplash. He was so unhinged it went against anything natural in this world.

“Burn in hell monster.” Jason lunged forward under the constraints. The Joker just laughed this time, my vision was starting to blur as I tried to stifle my cough, I couldn’t take the pain of it.

“Joker.” I heard him before I saw him. Batman.

Chapter Text

“Batman.” I coughed trying to sit up but the sharp pang in my chest had other plans.

“Hey man it’s okay now, the Bat pulled our asses out of there.” Jason pushed my shoulders back down. I looked around and I was in my bedroom, I should be comfortable, I should feel relieved. But all I could think about was that it was my fault we had to be rescued, I didn’t have the luxury of making mistakes now that Jason was here. He was literally sitting at my bedside at that.

“Aw man, I’m dead.” I rested my arm over my eyes, even that hurt.

“You’re not dead, Alfred said you have two broken ribs.” Jason was even, steady. It hurt because he looked just like Bruce in that moment, he was already more Bruce than I could ever be.

“No I mean he’s going to kill me.”

“The Joker?”

“No Batman… Bruce.” I was weird to have to switch in between Bruce and Batman, they were one and the same in my mind but I could tell they weren’t quite connected in Jason’s mind, the way he still referred to him as ‘The Bat’.

“There’s nothing you could’ve done, the man… thing is fucking deranged.”

“First time meeting The Joker?” I laughed but there was nothing funny about it.

“Yeah.” Jason nodded, his eyes were unfocused. He was looking somewhere out my window, it never occurred to me he got scared too. Fear was not something I associated with the teen titan.

“Don’t worry too much, if you can handle him you can handle them all.”

“Right.” Jason reached for his pocket, he was still somewhere far away. When he pulled out a box of cigarettes his hands were shaking.

“No smoking in the manor.” Really? That’s the best I could come up with. I put my hand over his to stop him. I can’t believe I hadn’t smelled it on him before, noticed his withdrawal, why he was always chewing gum. I was so consumed with myself and my jealousy I was ignoring someone in need. Batman must’ve told him to stop, but you don’t just stop .

“Yeah, that’s what the Bat told me.” He laughed but he dropped the box on the floor running a shaky hand through his hair.

“Hey,” I grabbed his wrist with a bit of a grunt, ”I’ll help you.”

“Yeah good luck.” He laughed softly but there was no light in it. “Dying young’s in the genes.”

“I’m not saying I can stop that,” I laughed a little a smirk tugging at the corner of my lips, “I mean look at the career you’ve decided on.”

“Oh because you’re doing so much better,” He shoved me and I grunted again from the pain, “clearly.”

“Look Jay, I’m alone too, alright? I know a little about what it’s like to try and well, parent yourself I guess.” I spoke softly not wanting to ruin the mood, but I felt this overwhelming urge to let him know I was fucked up too.

“How young?” He didn’t have to specify.

“Nine.”

“Shit,” He shook his head, “now I feel like a wimp. What happened?”

“I was an acrobat, in the circus, my parents too. Hailey didn’t pay some nasty people and my parents had to.” Surprisingly I didn’t feel anything about it. It’d been so long, and my life had taken such a turn, who knows where’d I be, who I’d be.

“My dad left was I was young,” he clasped his hands in his lap, his knuckles were white, “and my mom… I couldn’t help her.” His eyes were welling up with tears but he quickly brushed them away with his arm and just like that his face was passive again.

I had the urge to hug him and tell him everything was going to be okay. I came to the realization for all intents and purposes I was his older brother now, and all I’d done was be a self-absorbed asshole. Now I knew why I wasn’t Young Justice’s leader, I may have had all the skill and experience and even a lot of the qualities, but there was just this piece missing, this piece where others always had to come before me. The way it didn’t matter to Batman how much some of the leaguers didn’t like him or didn’t trust him, as long as they followed him. Their safety and more importantly the world’s safety was more important than how they felt about him. From now on I had to be strong for Jason because Batman may have taken him in but I was his older brother and that meant I had to protect him.

“Dick?” Finally.

“Yeah?”

“I don’t… I don’t want to go back to my room.” I remembered all the nights I spent curled up in Bruce’s bed, granted usually he wasn’t in it, but I knew that fear all too well.

I moved over so there was enough room for him to have his own space. He kicked off his boots and climbed into the bed facing the other way. He fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. I admittedly was in too much pain to drift off at the moment. Alfred walked in some time later and sat towards my side of the massive bed.

“Comfortable Master Dick?” Alfred was smiling softly, Bruce may have been like a father at times but Alfred had been too. I nodded.

“I’m glad to see you’ve taken to him.”

Chapter Text

I really shouldn’t have come. I knew better but Dick showed up and suddenly I agreed to anything. With everything that happened with Wally, and Dick didn’t even know the last thing I needed to do was come to a New Year’s Eve party with the both of them… and some kid named Jason? I have no idea where he came from but the kid was a pit bull. I watched them all do another round of shots, I didn’t really feel comfortable enough to be drinking in all honesty. I was told they were all Young Justice members like Wally and Dick, I recognized two of the girls, they both went to my school, Barbara and Artemis. I couldn’t fucking believe it, and neither of them even acknowledged me. I really shouldn’t have come.

“Kathhhhh.” Dick plopped down on the couch next to me wrapping an arm around me. He was definitely trashed and I wasn’t supposed considering his lack of body fat, and the whole underage drinking usually wasn’t his scene, granted a lot of these people weren’t underage, we were some of the youngest.

“Dickkkkk.” I replied in a bored tone. He just pouted.

“You’re noo fun.” He tried to get up but grimaced, holding his side.

“Woah, Woah, slow down. Dick, what’s wrong?” I held my hands out to help him up. He shook his head brushing me off.

“Isss nothing, just a little boo boo.” He gave me a lop sidded smile and carried on. I stood up, preparing to follow him but Wally came up behind me placing his hand on the small of my back.

“Hey, Kath.” He looked down at me but there was something that seemed a little off. But he wasn’t even tipsy in comparison to Dick. “You look a little lost.”

“That’s an understatement.” I rolled my eyes.

“To be honest, I’m surprised you agreed to this.” I wondered if he was hoping Dick would see him touching me if it was all a show. I wouldn’t mind either way. I wanted Dick to see too, to care.

“I’ve never really been able to say no to Dick.” I shrugged.

“You’re not the only one,” Wally laughed but there wasn’t much to it, “come on, I’ll introduce you.” He lead me toward the center of the room. I’d been clinging to the walls all night and it was already nearly midnight. “To be honest I have no idea who that is.” He was looking at Jason who at this moment was hungrily pouring himself another drink, god knows what number that was for him tonight. Jason had been in the car when Dick picked me up, Dick hadn’t really said much about it except that he was going to be staying at the Wayne Manor. He then steered me toward a guy with gills.

“This is Kaldur, Kaldur this is Kath.” Kaldur was striking, with his white hair and dark skin he was kind of beautiful. To be honest, I was surrounded by, I felt lacking in more ways than one at this party.  

“It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance Ms. Kath.” He offered a soft smile and extended his hand, his biceps flexing. God, he was muscular too. And his voice was like honey, I felt like he should be on NPR or something.

“Ditto.” I shook his hand feeling wholly inadequate.

“Atlantean’s don’t celebrate New Year’s Eve, otherwise he’d probably be back home,” Wally whispered me as he lead me towards Artemis and another girl.

“I thought there were more people on Young Justice?” I asked.

“There are, this was a more inner circle thing I guess,” Wally shrugged “Artemis, Zatanna, this is Kath.” He smiled

“I know,” Artemis said, “we go to school together.” I was surprised she even bothered, I had felt kind of like she was ignoring me but now she wouldn’t take her eyes off of me.

“Hi, Zatanna.” The girl was silky black hair held her hand out and I shook it.

“Alrighty, well you girlies enjoy yourselves.” He steered me away again but Artemis’ eyes still followed me. I had the feeling she didn’t really want me here.

“ONE MINUTE TO MIDNIGHT!” Barbara announced as we went up to her, Dick, and Jason.

“Jay, Jay, dance with me.” He held his arms out but Jason looked seriously out of it, I wondered how much he’d had.

“TEN.” Zatanna was pouring shots for everyone.

“NINE.” Kaldur turned off the lights so it was just mood lighting.

“EIGHT.” Everyone was gathering around the table.

“SEVEN.” Wally was looking at Dick.

“SIX.” Artemis was looking at Wally.

“FIVE.” I think Jason was going to throw up.

“FOUR.” Dick was looking at me.

“THREE.” People were grabbing shots.

“TWO.” Queen was playing.

“ONE.” Dick did his shot, shaking his head he leaned over grabbing me by the collar and started kissing me. I was so shocked, it was hot and quick and he reeked of alcohol. He pulled away before I even kissed back. I looked to Wally who looked… pained. But it was the kind of blank pain I only had begun to recognize recently. And then Jason actually did throw up.

“Happy New Year I guess.” Zatanna laughed as Kaldur turned the lights back on.

“I’ll clean it up.” Kaldur offered without even a hint of annoyance. He seemed like the hardworking type. Dick finally looked worried, he rubbed Jason’s back and guided him to the couch so he could sit down.

“You know I've gotta say I’m surprised.” Barbara was giving me this eerie smile that was oddly reminiscent of the Chesire Cat.

“About?” I prompted her.

“Dick usually goes for the dangerous type. Maybe there’s something more to you.” Barbara smiled turning away to help Kaldur with the mess. And for perhaps the 100th time tonight I regretted coming here. I wanted Dick to kiss me, pay attention to me, realize I was the one he wanted. But not like how it happened, he was drunk and Wally was there and now everyone knew. Honestly, I just couldn’t handle being judged by people who were so much better than me right now. They had a right to be crazy and dysfunctional, they saved lives and lived double lives. On a crazy night, I stayed up till 3 watching Netflix. I didn’t belong with these people.

That’s when I saw Wally pull Dick away from all the chaos, from everyone else. I couldn’t bring myself to follow them, I wouldn’t let myself stoop that low. But there was a pit in my stomach that told me exactly what was happening.