Chapter Text
[3:12pm] > welcome to bible studies
Lover boy: Guys! Guys! Guys!
Paige: is this your interior monologue but in physical form?
Honk Honk: minus the drooling
Lover boy: shut up I made a friend today. She’s in my class and I told her I would introduce her to you
Paige: why would she want to know us?
Lover boy: I gave her one of Hunks cookies and she wants recipes STAT
Paige: typical
Honk Honk: I feel honoured
Lover boy: I’m adding her!
Paige: Wait who is she?
Lover boy: she’s cool
Lance McClain added Allura Altea
Allura: Oh hi Lance! These must be the friends you told me about.
Honk Honk: oh my god
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[3:20pm] Hunkalicious >> Lancelot
Hunkalicious: ALLURA ALTEA LIKES MY COOKIES?
Lancelot: told you she’s cool
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[3:21pm] >> welcome to bible studies
Paige: Lance has friends?
Honk Honk: I think that’s us
Honk Honk: Allura, if I knew you liked my cookies earlier I would’ve sent you a batch in the mail this morning
Allura: wow you really are a child of Jesus
Paige: You quoted the vine of the day! You owe us a random fact!
Allura: I What?
Lover boy: the name of the group chat is the vine of the day. If you quote it on its day you owe us a random fact about yourself. It’s tradition
Allura: oooh Okay! This sounds fun!
Allura: my random fact is I’m a vegan
Hunk changed Allura’s name to: Vegan
Paige: BLOCKED
Vegan: I’m just kidding I’m not a vegan
Hunk changed Allura’s name to: Not a vegan
Paige: UNBLOCKED
Lover boy: I feel betrayed. You owe us a TRUE fact!
Not a vegan: I gave you a fact! I’m not vegan!
Lover boy: she’s sneaky! That’s the kind of stuff that really butters my egg roll
Paige: @ Allura watch out he’s a thirsty thot
Not a vegan: Oh I know. We’ve met.
Paige: you poor soul I’m sorry for your loss
Not a vegan: Thank you for your sincerity
Lover boy: I can’t believe you’ve done this
Allura: wow I feel like I’m watching a vine compilation right now. Shiro kicks me out when I start quoting vines so this is a relief.
Honk Honk: you mean Shiro as in the Takashi Shirogane?
Allura: the one and only
Honk Honk: Omg I’ve always wanted to talk to that guy! He’s like a legend at this college
Lover boy: he’s perhaps the most attractive person I’ve ever seen
Not a vegan: agreed
Not a vegan: I can introduce you to him if you give me a cookie :b
Honk Honk: I’ll give you three cookies if you add him in the group
Allura Altea added Takashi Shirogane
Honk Honk: the cookies are on their way. Thank you for your service
Not a vegan: it’s been nice doing business with you
Not a vegan: Shiro these are my new friends they like vines Say hi
Takashi: hi
Lover boy: *swoons*
Honk Honk: hi! I love your work
Takashi: thanks.. I guess?
Honk Honk: you’re welcome!
Paige: oh no it’s Shiro
Takashi: Pidge? Okay this is weird
Paige: You’re telling me! Hey are you with Matt right now?
Takashi: Yeah
Paige: can you tell him I ate his Mac and cheese
Takashi: He says he’s coming for you
Lover boy: Pidge you know Shiro?
Paige: he’s friends with Matt
Takashi: unfortunately
Lover boy: wow I feel betrayed
Takashi: well it’s been nice meeting you guys but I have a class to get to.
Not a vegan: me too. Ttyl
Lover boy: Byyeeeeee
Honk Honk: they seemed nice
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[5:16] Hunk >> Allura
Hunk: I’m making the cookies right now
Allura: Hunk you’re an angel!
Allura: I still need that recipe though
Hunk: You doing anything right now?
Allura: nup
Hunk: you wanna come over? I can show you how to make them
Allura: Omg really?
Hunk: for sure
Allura: I’m on my way! Where you at?
Hunk: dorm 27, 3rd floor
Allura: DONT START WITHOUT ME
Hunk: WHATS TAKING YOU SO LONG
Allura: IM HOING AS FAST AS I CAN
Allura: LITTLE PIG LITTLE PIG LET ME IN
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[5:42pm] Not a vegan >> welcome to bible studies
Not a vegan: [sent a photo]
Not a vegan: Hunk is best boyfriend material
Lover boy: get out of my house!
Not a vegan: wow
Honk Honk: Allura’s my new best friend, sorry Lance
Honk Honk: Lonce*
Not a vegan: Stop it!
Paige: I’m lost
Honk Honk: Allura pronounces Lance’s name ‘Lonce’
Paige: oh my dear is she British?
Allura: yos
Hunk changed Lance’s name to Lonce
Lonce: noice
Lonce: I can’t believe you guys are hanging out without me!
Honk Honk: YOU HAVE A CLASS
Lonce: and it’s boring as heck
Lonce: the only upside is emo boy is looking fine as fuck today
Honk Honk: here we go
Lonce: He tied his hair up and I had a gay moment
Paige: that’s like your tenth Gay moment this week
Honk Honk: you have a problem dude
Not a vegan: who’s emo boy?
Paige: The hot guy in Lance’s Astro class. Lance has been swooning over him for weeks but he won’t just go and ask him his name
Lonce: I’m scared he’s gonna stab me. HE HAS RESTING BITCH FACE!
Not a vegan: what’s he look like?
Lonce: hawt
Lonce: He has dark hair and these terrifyingly beautiful violet eyes
Not a vegan: interesting...
Allura Altea added Keith Kogane
Not a vegan: Keith’s in astronomy class right now. Lance, have you met Keith?
Honk Honk: wow he is attractive
Not a vegan: He’s also Shiro’s little brother
Honk Honk: makes sense
Paige: Lance just mysteriously dissappeared
Takashi: Allura he’s going to kill you
Not a vegan: good
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[5:53pm] Lance >> Allura
Lance: what have you done?!
Allura: God’s work
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[6:45pm] >> welcome to bible studies
Keith Kogane left the group
Allura Altea added Keith Kogane
Not a vegan: oh no you don’t
Keith: What is this?
Not a vegan: these are my new friends
Paige: Hi Keith! I’ve heard a lot about you... from a couple of different sources... ;)
Keith: that’s concerning..
Paige: all good things of course!
Keith: still concerning
Honk Honk: Hey man I’m Hunk! Ignore Pidge she’s weird.
Paige: Hey!!! >:(
Honk Honk: oh hi Pidge didn’t see you there!
Paige: go suck on a lemon
Keith: can anyone tell me why I’m on this random group chat?
Not a vegan: Lance said he has astronomy class with you so I thought yo guys should be friends :))
Keith: who’s Lance?
Lonce: that would be me
Keith: are you sure we have class together? I don’t recognise your face..
Lonce: wow
Paige: SHOT DOWN
Lonce: this was a mistake
Lonce: feel free to leave the chat
Keith Kogane left the group
Allura Altea added Keith Kogane
Keith Kogane left the group
Paige: anyone else not expect this Thursday night to be this entertaining?
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[6:49pm] Allura >> Keith
Allura: stop leaving the group!
Keef: STOP ADDING ME BACK IN
Allura: NO
Keef: I DONT EVEN KNIW THESE PEOPLE
Allura: THEN GET TO LNOW THEM
Keef: NO
Allura: YES
Keef: NO
Allura: YES
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[6:52pm] Allura >> Welcome to bible studies
Allura Altea added Keith Kogane
Keith Kogane left the group
Allura Altea added Keith Kogane
Keith Kogane left the group
Paige: something tells me he doesn’t want to be in the group
Takashi: Allura leave him alone
Not a vegan: no!
Allura Altea added Keith Kogane
Allura changed Keith’s name to: stay boy
Not a vegan: now you’ve been nicknamed you have to stay.
Not a vegan: Keef only left all those times because he’s shy and doesn’t know you guys.
Not a vegan: we should all introduce our selves. I’ll go first! My names Allura and my favourite colour is pink
Honk Honk: My names Hunk and my favourite colour is Yellow
Paige: my names Pidge and I can shoot threes! LETS GOOOOOO
Honk Honk: love the vine reference
Paige: I try my best
Takashi: hey I’m Shiro, I’m your brother.
Not a vegan: Lance I know you’re creepin
Lonce: I’m Lance and I’m super surprised you don’t know who I am.
Stay boy: I guess you’re just not as special as you think you are.
Paige: I like this guy! Please stay, boy!
Stay boy: I’m Keith and Allura is dead to me
Not a vegan: that’s the spirit!
Not a vegan: Wait...
Lonce: Please feel free to leave the group again
Stay boy: sorry I’ve been nicknamed I’m obliged to stay now
Not a vegan: good boy!
Stay boy: actually...
Paige: no stay! I cooked all this popcorn so I could watch you roast Lance!
Honk Honk: Lonce*
Honk Honk: you got enough popcorn to share?
Paige: That’s so random you know I actually just ran out
Honk Honk: No cookies for you then
Paige: :’(
Not a vegan: more for me!
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[7:01pm] Hunkalicious >> Lancelot
Hunkalicious: why are you moping? :(
Lancelot: I’m not moping
Hunkalicious: you’ve been staring at the wall for twenty minutes
Lancelot: not moping
Hunkalicious: What’s wrong?
Lancelot: ...
Lancelot: Emo boy’s a douche
Lancelot: A hot douche
Hunkalicious: because he didn’t know who you were?
Lancelot: We’ve been in the same class for two months!
Hunkalicious: and yet you didn’t know his name
Hunkalicious: besides.. he’ll know who you are now
Lancelot: and he hates me!
Hunkalicious: he doesn’t hate you
Hunkalicious; I thought you liked Allura now anyway
Lancelot: Hunk she’s a lesbian
Hunkalicious: This explains so much
Lancelot: why is the best fruit always forbidden?
Hunkalicious: are you quoting Cardi B
Lancelot: Yeah
Hunkalicious: oh buddy :,(
Hunkalicious: come over here and give me a hug
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[7:38] Lance >> welcome to bible studies
Lonce: Hunk is a Cardi B hater. Keep your distance my friends
Paige:...
Honk Honk: Just spit it out
Paige: BLOCKED
Honk Honk: I don’t condone women who behave in such a way
Honk Honk: or anyone as a matter of fact
Paige: you know there’s conspiracies that she’s a part of the Illuminati
Lonce: not this crap again
Paige: I HAVE EVIDENCE
Stay boy: is your evidence a Shane Dawson YouTube video?
Paige: among others
Paige: you watch Shane Dawson?
Stay boy: Of course
Paige: see I knew we were meant to be friends
Lonce: oh no not another conspiracy theorist
Paige: You believe in aliens!
Lonce: aliens make sense unlike the Illuminati and Bigfoot and the lochness monster
Paige: Choose your next words wisely
Lonce: Bigfoot is a hoax!
Pidge Holt removed Lance McClain from the group
Paige: he can come back once he’s learned some manners
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[7:42pm] Lance >> Pidge
Blue balls: Piiiiidge let me back in!
Gremlin: No. you can stew in your mistakes
Blue balls: Pidgeeeeeeeeeeee
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[6:55am] Pidge >> welcome to bible studies
Pidge Holt added Lance McClain
Lance changed his name to: Hawt stuff
Pidge changed Lance’s name to: Douche canoe
Douche Canoe: wow real original, Gremlin.
Paige: Shut up you’re gonna be late
Douche Canoe: Fine
Douche Canoe: I choose.... “welp, when life gives you lemons..”
Pidge Holt set the group name to: When life gives you lemons
Paige: excellent choice
Douche Canoe: For the newbies: the group chat name is the vine of the day. If you quote the vine of the day you owe one random fact about yourself.
Stay boy: do we get a prize if we use it ironically?
Douche Canoe: most ironic use of the vine gets bragging rights I guess.
Stay boy: Lame. Needs more competition
Paige: welp, Keith, when life gives you lemons..
Paige: My random fact is that I got up and 6am today for no reason
Douche Canoe: Pidge is in the lead
Douche Canoe: 6am? That’s brutal bro
Paige: says the one who has a class at 7:30am
Douche Canoe: True. Bye Felicia’s!
Paige: Later Lance! You won’t be missed.
Honk Honk: Lance I love you and I will miss you!
Douche Canoe: these are the people I’ve decided to call my friends
Honk Honk: welp... when life gives you lemons
Shiro: you make lemonade?
Paige: Shiro... buddy
Honk Honk: Random fact, I love Lance!
Douche Canoe: okay I know I said I’m leaving but love you too babe! Xx
Honk Honk: xx
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[9:17am] Pidge >> when life gives you lemons
Paige: I
Paige: NEED
Paige: COFFEE
Douche Canoe: Me too! Starbucks?
Paige: I’ll be there in 5
Douche Canoe: where are you?
Paige: Dorm
Douche Canoe: it’s?? A fifteen minute walk???
Paige: and a five minute sprint
Douche Canoe: Weird flex but okay
Lance changed Pidge’s name to: Usain Holt
Not a vegan: Oooh can I come!
Douche Canoe: Yessssss! Get over here girl!
Not a vegan: Yay! Can I bring a friend?
Douche Canoe: the more the merrier
———————————————————
[9:25am] Lance >> when life gives you lemons
Douche Canoe: [sent a photo]
Douche Canoe: Can confirm she did run here.
Usain Holt: I’m sweating out of my ass
Douche Canoe: tmi
Not a vegan: Pidge, that’s a big fat mood. And we’re here!
———————————————————
[10:27am] Lance >> when life gives you lemons
Douche Canoe: Turns out “can I bring a friend?” Actually means “I’m bringing Takashi Shirogane.”
Lance set Takashi’s name to: What’s vine?
What’s vine?: I know what vine is, Lance!
Douche Canoe: quote one right now
What’s vine?: Hi welcome to chillis
Usain Holt: Hi my name’s Chelsea. What’s your favourite dinner food?
Not a vegan: what up I’m Jared I’m 19 and I never fucking learned how to read
Douche Canoe: NUT
Honk Honk: road work ahead? Well yeah.. I sure hope it does.
Douche Canoe: I’m washing me and my clothes bitch. I’m washing me and my clothes.
Usain Holt: bitch I see you creepin
Stay boy: sigh
Stay boy: I love how people are telling me I’m like two... nine years old. I’m ELEVEN so shut the fuck up!
Douche Canoe: now a moment of silence for the loss of our lord and saviour: Vine.
Douche Canoe: moment over. You’ll forever be in our hearts xx
Honk Honk: now I’m sad
Not a vegan: Vine was the best
Stay boy: taken from us too soon :(
Honk Honk: right. She died so young.
Douche Canoe : wow now I’m depressed. Thanks guys!
Not a vegan: let’s change the subject so my mascara doesn’t run away with my tears.
Not a Vegan: I’ve been wanting to ask you this for a while so.. Lance, Hunk, Pidge. You guys seem super close. How’d you all meet?
Douche Canoe: it’s a truly beautiful story!
Honk Honk: can I tell it?
Douche Canoe: go ahead
Honk Honk: so it’s the first day of high school and I’m eating my lunch in the cafeteria with my friends and all of a sudden this long twig of a boy walks into the cafeteria, gets up on one of the tables and shouts “I’m all out of-“ and then he slipped off the table and landed on his ass.
Usain Holt: and cried like a little bitch
Douche Canoe: HDsjsjsjsjxjdhnOa
Douche Canoe: she said how we met. Not the first time you saw my sexy ass
Usain Holt: Yeah sure if bruised tailbone’s are sexy.
Not a vegan: okay but was the “I’m all out of-“ going to be an “I’m all out of faith this is how I feel” Or an “I’m all out of love. I’m so lost without you” ?? Asking for a friend
Honk Honk: that’s the beauty of it. No one knows.
Douche Canoe: ANYWAY. Seeing as no one else is going to tell the story correctly I’ll do it myself
Douche Canoe: it was a warm summers evening-
Usain Holt: it was the middle of winter you twat!
Douche Canoe: it was the middle of winter. I was playing soccer with my many friends that I had back then. Whoops don’t mean to brag there it just slipped out.
Honk Honk: fake but continue
Douche Canoe: anyway this kid on the team -total asshat if you ask me- kicked the ball super hard and in the complete wrong direction and whacked Hunk -who was walking to class- right in the snoz.
Usain Holt: I wish I’d been there to hear the cronch!
Honk Honk: gross
Douche Canoe: being the handsome and thoughtful young devil I am, I went to go see if he was okay. And Hunk was a tough little bitch but holy shit there was so much blood.
Usain Holt: all the vamps in the area came running
Douche Canoe: so I took Hunk to the nurses office to get fixed up and that’s where we met a small gremlin who was getting stitched up after SHE TRIED TO STAPLE HER FINGERS TOGETHER. We talked we laughed we cried and we forged a great bond.
Not a vegan: that’s extraordinary
Usain Holt: my sarcasm meter is fucking skyrocketing!
Douche Canoe: mine too
Honk Honk: Anyway now Pidge and I are buddies and Lance is okay I guess
Not a vegan: I’m glad you guys found eachother
Douche Canoe: Okay? I’m amazing %|€]!|!£,!\£\!
Honk Honk: He’s like a leech. He just hangs on
Douche Canoe: kinky ;)
Stay boy: so what are you two like a thing?
Honk Honk: HAHAHAHAHA!
Honk Honk: No.
Douche Canoe: Hunk and I are roommates
Stay boy: Oh my god they were roommates
Douche Canoe: I like and dislike you a little bit more for that comment
Stay boy: so you still hate me?
Douche Canoe: yes
Stay boy: good
———————————————————
[1:05pm] Pidge >> Keith
Pidge: Have you seen Shane Dawson’s new video?
Keith: uhhh.. not yet?
Pidge: look I know we barely know each other and you seem super flighty but did you wanna come over and watch it?
Keith: oh
Keith: isn’t that weird? I’ve never even talked to you in real life?
Pidge: first of all texting is real life!
Pidge: second how do you ever expect to make friends with that attitude?
Keith: shit you’re right!
Pidge: so are you coming?
Keith: Okay. Where are you?
Pidge: it’s hard to find I’ll call you and explain.
Keith: Okay
Pidge: [Is calling]
Call ended [3:45mins]
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[4:20pm] Pidge >> When life gives you lemons
Usain Holt: shit just got real deep in the Holt household holy shit
Douche Canoe: America explain?!
Usain Holt: It just took Keith and I 2 hours to watch a 20 minute conspiracy video. We investigated the shit outta this bitch!
Usain Holt: which reminds me..
Pidge Holt changed Keith’s name to: Mothman5eva
Mothman5eva: I told you that in good faith!
Usain Holt: you thought wrong bitch
Keith changed Pidge’s name to: Scully
Scully: holy shkansubshhssjsb
Pidge changed Keith’s name to: Mulder
Scully: we’re off to watch some buzzfeed unsolved. Later losers!
Honk Honk: oh thank god they’re gone
Douche Canoe: quick everybody summons your good vibes to get rid of the nerd stench!
Honk Honk: good vibes: summoned
Scully: blocked & reported
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[5:30pm] Pidge >> Lance
Gremlin: jsbsisbsksndj
Blue balls: Are you choking? Are you choking?
Gremlin: Dude Keith is so cool!!!
Blue balls: No! He’s mean!
Gremlin: He is a little bit but so is Hunk and you still love him
Blue balls: Hunk is the purest ray of sunlight to ever shine on this earth. You’re the mean one
Gremlin: oh right my b
Gremlin: still, you like me don’t ya
Blue balls: sometimes
Gremlin: then you’ll like Keith sometimes too
Blue balls: :/
Gremlin: and you’re right, he’s extremely attractive in person! Like I usually don’t pay attention to that kind of stuff but daaaang
Blue balls: right? It’s not FAIR
Gremlin: You should come hang out with us tomorrow. We’re studying together in the library but I’m bringing snacks so...
Gremlin: You in?
Blue balls: sch...schnacks?
Gremlin: schnacks
Blue balls: I’ll do it for the schnakcks!
Gremlin: fuck yeah!
———————————————————
[5:50pm] Lance >> when life gives you lemons
Honk Honk: Here I am in your life
Douche Canoe: Here you are in minnneeeee
Honk Honk: yes we have a sweet life
Douche Canoe: most of the TIMMMMMEEEE
Honk Honk: you and me we got the world to see
Scully: SO COME ON DOWNNNNNN
Douche Canoe: me and you know what do
Scully: SO COME ON DOWNNNNN
Honk Honk: Lance and I are watching The suite life of Zach and Cody and it’s just as good as it was when we were kids
Douche Canoe: better
Scully: IM COMING OVER RIGHT NOW
———————————————————
[6:03pm] Shiro >> Keith
Dad: You?? Hung out at Pidge’s today????
Son: maybe??
Dad: you?? Made a friend????
Son: Hey! I have friends!
Dad: you’re only friends with Matt and Allura because I had to drag you along whenever we hung out cause I felt bad for you
Son: Wow.
Dad: I’m so proud of you Keith!
Son: thanks dad
Son: I’m hanging out with her tomorrow too but she invited Lance and now I a little bit don’t want to go
Dad: because Lance is the noisy Spanish boy from astronomy class with the perfect skin and the beautiful blue eyes! And you know you’re going to turn into an awkward babbling mess as soon as you see him
Son: that is not how I explained him to you!
Dad: I met up with him today and he’s seems cool. There’s nothing to worry about he’ll just talk your ear off.
Son: sounds like a fun time
Dad: you wont know until you try
Dad: also, I can’t believe you told him you didn’t know who he was. That was brutal.
Son: I couldn’t tell him I knew who he was! Then he’d know I was staring at him all the time
Dad: :))))))
Dad: Okay you’re going to have to tell me EVERYTHING that happens tomorrow. I’m officially invested
Son: not gonna happen
———————————————————
[9:54pm] Hunk >> Pidge
Hunkadunk: Lance is so nervous for tomorrow and it’s making me laugh
Pidgeon: lol what’s he doing
Hunkadunk: he’s spent the last hour trying to pick out an outfit
Pidgeon: that’s normal for him isn’t it
Hunkadunk: tru
Hunkadunk: but he’s never done it with such vigour! He’s thrown his clothes all over our bedroom
Hunkadunk: HALF OF THEM ARE ON MY BED
Hunkadunk: that’s it I’m going to smack him
Pidgeon: make sure it leaves a mark
Hunkadunk: Oh my god Pidge!