Archive of Our Own ^beta

When I wake, the sun is streaming into my bedroom window, “Goddamn it’s bright this morning…” I croak quietly.

I rub my eyes and shift to my elbow to push myself up. That’s when it hits me how sore and tired I feel. I groan and lay back, “I’ll wake up a bit before I get up,” I speak aloud and grab my phone from my bedside table. I have at least 15 missed calls and squint at the screen, my eyes were bleary still from sleep.

Izumi, Izumi, Izumi… Izumi, Izumi…

What does he want so early on a Saturday?

“Seiya-San?!” I gasp as I notice the rest were all from him, other than the most recent one was from Shougo.

I sit up and call Izumi back first.

I actually feel pretty shitty, I now notice as I feel my muscles pull and ache and my head feels all heavy.

I was up really late and I’ve been sleeping very little lately. This is probably my body’s way of protesting.

“Rei! Thank god! Are you okay? We’ve been calling all morning!” Izumi answers, shouting, seemingly relieved that I’d called him back. I’m curious as to why he sounds so worry, but he’s also so loud.

“I’m fine? Why do you ask?” I rub the side of my head. It feels all tight and my eyes have a tense pressure behind them.

“Eh? What do you mean ‘why’? It’s nearly one in the afternoon. Everybody’s been worried that something happened,” He sounds a bit dejected.

My whole body jolts as the words he had just said to me register in my tired head, “One!? Wait!” I pull the phone from my ear and my eyes widen as I read the little numbers in the corner of the screen. He’s right? “I’ll be there soon! I must’ve slept through my alarm! Tell Seiya-San that I’m incredibly sorry!” I gasp, hanging up before he can say anything more.

I jump up and feel my whole body protest. My body feels all tight and sluggish, just like my head, full of an awkward pressure. I shake it off and get into the shower, feeling sticky and sweaty, just gross in general.

The shower doesn’t do much for making me feel less ‘blah’, but it does take that sticky feeling away at least.

I brush my teeth and throw on a suit haphazardly. I’m too tired to dress nicely, after everything I’ve done since I’ve awoke, I’m ready to take a long nap. I know that nobody would mind me dressing down for once, but I can’t bring myself to do it. That’s something like giving up I think.

It takes longer to get to the Sena household than I remember, but either way, I got there before 2 and that’s all that matters to me right about now.

“Rei…! Eh-? You look… Awful?” Frowns Izumi as I step into the house and am in the process of kicking off my shoes.

“I haven’t been sleeping well,” I answer him, rubbing at my eyes.

“Your glasses? Can you see?” He says and realization hits that I totally forgot them at home.

“Oh, they’re fake. I lost them,” I lie. If I said I’d forgotten, he’d jump all over me. I don’t forget things easily, especially not my glasses, fake or not.

“Oh no, do you need help finding them?” He asks me with a frown as he approaches me.

“Nah, they’re somewhere in my house, I just didn’t have time to look for them,” I give him a smile. Even that’s draining. What the hell is wrong with me?

I feel worse than when I left the house.

“Your shirts all messed up,” Izumi starts to rebuttioning it, fixing my tie, then my hair. I didn’t even look in a mirror before I left the house, “Go dry your hair, there should be a hairdryer in the bathroom already plugged in.”

“Thanks, Izumi,” I pat him on the head and make my way to their bathroom.

I feel lightheaded. And Warm. I feel really warm.

I close the door behind me and proceed to rest my head against the marble counter, turning on the hairdryer to make it seem like I’m doing as I was told.

I feel atrocious. Everything is so… bad feeling? God, I don’t even have the strength to think of a way to describe how terrible I feel.

Weirily, I lift my head and start blow drying my hair. The air is too hot, it’s making me feel even worse.

I know turning it to the cold setting won’t dry my hair very well, but I do it anyway. It doesn’t help much, but at least it isn’t frying my already too warm head.

There’s a knock on the door after a bit, “Rei? Is your hair not drying?”

“Ah, Izumi!” I say quietly, pressing my fingers into my hair, “It takes a lot to dry, that’s why it was still wet when I got here,” I say, switching off the hairdryer and placing it back where it belongs.

I step out and Izumi stares at me with worry written on his face, “It's still a little damp, but it’s alright,” I give him another tired smile, “I should be getting to work, I’ll be here all night at this rate,” I ruffle his hair and make my way to my desk without another word from Izumi.

Once I do manage to get to work, I can focus, all of the things I’m reading, they make barely any sense to me. I’m just guessing on most of my work, hoping that I don’t colossally fuck up.

I’m quickly getting more and more worn out, my whole face is burning up and I’m so warm that I feel like I’m suffocating.

Taking off my jacket was little to no help, nor was rolling up my sleeves. I’ll just have to suffer like this until my fever drops.

“Shit,” I groan, leaning back in my chair, “Focus, Rei, focus,” I slap my cheeks to wake myself.

My throat hurts pretty badly now too, every time I swallow, it feels like I ate razor blades.

I lean forward again to get back to reading another email, I really had no idea what it was trying to say.

I let my head fall forward and land on my keyboard. It actually is so comfortable for some reason.

I’ve gone insane.

I sigh and lift my head reluctantly after several long moments.

I feel all sweaty and gross again…

“Rei, baby!” A voice sings from behind and startles me so bad that I nearly flip over in the chair. It’s caught before I do topple over. Arms go around my neck from behind, “I've missed you!” He kisses my cheek and I grunt in reply.

“I’m working, Shougo,” My voice sounds exasperated, “I really don’t have time for this right now.”

“Hey, your face is all red, and your skin is sticky,” He pokes at my cheek obnoxiously, “Are you hot?”

“Yeah, it’s a bit warm. I’m fine, now can you let me finish my-“

His hand pressed firmly to my forehead, it’s so cold and my voice won’t come any longer. I lean into his touch, my god , it feels so good, “Rei, sweetheart, you’re burning up,” He whispers, going to pull his hand back, but I catch it in both of mine, pressing it back in place.

“Just stay like that while I finish up, okay?” I finally feel like I can catch my breath, it’s not suffocating hot anymore.

“No, you’re going to rest. You’ll collapse if you keep pushing yourself like this,” Shougo protests. He’s really serious. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this.

“I’m good, I’m great. I just need you to keep your hand there until it gets too warm,” I smile weakly up at him.

My laptop is shut before I even get a chance to think about reacting, “Cut the shit, Rei. You need to rest. They’ll survive a day or two without you,” He scowls and I stare up at him with big eyes.

“Shougo, I’m f-“

“Shut up, just listen to me. I love you and don’t want you to make yourself any worse. Got it?” He says and I slowly tip to lean against him.

“Are you sure they don’t need me?” I ask feebly. I feel like I can’t sit up anymore, everything is too heavy.

“They’ll live for the time being, so let’s bring you home,” He says, stepping away so that I can get up.

Once on my feet, the world slants and I’m pulled into a strong pair of arms and the room’s slanting stops, “Was I falling?” I ask him as he steadys me.

“You weren’t even aware that you were tipping over, Rei?” Shougo’s voice has this strange, nervous seriousness.

“No, not really,” I lean my face against his chest and he pets my hair gently.

“Let me drive you home, I won’t be leaving you though,” He presses a kiss to the top of my head.

“No,” I mumble, “That’s a burden on you.”

“It’s not though, I’ve been dying to come home so I can see you.”

“Well, obviously we won’t be having any sex, so it’s not even going to be worth it,” I frown.

Why the hell is my heart pounding from him touching me?

That doesn’t happen.

I’m really fucking sick, huh?

“You seem to forget that I’ve loved you since I was sixteen. I don’t care whether or not I’m banging you, just as long as I get to be with you, that’s enough,” His whole face is all red. Shougo hasn’t ever said it so seriously before. I mean, I knew he was in love with me, it’s not like I didn’t believe it before now.

But something is different about it.

I bring my hand up and press it to the side of my head as it starts throbbing, “Can we go now? I feel faint,” My heart was beating so hard that it was making me feel dizzy.

“Yeah, I just have to let dad and Izumi know we’re heading out,” He places a hand lower on my back, “I’ll keep you upright, okay, can you walk?”

I nod, “Yeah, I think,” I tiredly answer.

“They were really, really worried about you, you know? They still are. Izumi called and told me you were acting strange too. We all care about you, Rei. You need to take better care of yourself,” He rubs at my back.

“I’m sorry for all the trouble. I’ll try to stay healthy more often,” I feel my knees start to buckle as we make our way to the door and quickly grasp his shirt. He stops walking and I wrap my arms around his middle, “I’m fine now, okay?”

I notice him smile a little and nod, wrapping his arm more firmly around my waist.

I don’t pay much attention to anything being said by Izumi or Saiya-San. I’m nearly falling asleep against him. This is the most comfortable I’ve been all day.

“Hey, Rei,” Izumi suddenly hugs his arms around me, “Feel better, okay? And don’t come in to work until you’re fully cured, I don’t want you to be sick anymore, got it?” He taps his finger to the center of my forehead, “Wow, he wasn’t kidding when he said you were burning up. Go home and rest!”

I give him a smile, “Thanks, Izumi. I’ll try and get better fast. Feel free to steal this idiot anytime you want,” Despite my somewhat harsh words, I hug him tighter. I don’t want to let him go.

“I will,” He pets my head and gives me a gentle wave before I’m whisked away by Shougo. As soon as we get outside, it feels like all of the heat drains from my body and I’m freezing.

“Cold?” He asks me and gets a feeble nod in reply. I guess I’m shivering. I wish I was hot again, I think that felt better, at least I wasn’t trembling.

He helps me into the car and places my jacket over me in attempt to make me comfortable. I smile a bit, “Thank you, Shougo…”

From there it gets a bit fuzzy. I remember him pulling out of their driveway, but not much else.

My senses come back when a cold, damp cloth is rested on my burning forehead. I’m too warm again. Now, I miss being too cold.

“Hey, how was your nap, sleeping beauty?” Shougo smiles at me and brushes his knuckles gently against my cheeks.

“I slept?” I squint at him, trying to get my brain to focus on him, “Did you carry me up here?”

“Yeah, you’re light,” His voice is gentle and calming, “Have you been eating properly?”

“I think so?” I try to think, but nothing comes to mind.

“We’ll confront that when you’re all better, anyway, how are you doing?” He pushes my hair off my face, it was stuck to my skin which was clammy and uncomfortable.

“Uh… Bleh?” I answer and see him crack a smile, a soft giggle escapes him.

“‘ Bleh ’?” He chuckles, “I never thought I’d hear you say something that was so childish.”

“I can’t think of anything, my mind is all mush, now,” I give him a frown and reach for his hand. He seems surprised, but places his in mine, “Your hands are soft and cool,” I place his knuckles to my cheek, keeping my fingers wrapped around his hand.

“You’re temperature has gone down a little, I think,” He rubs the back of my hand with his thumb and it brings a smile to my face, “I’m gonna go get some medicine, okay? I’ll be right back,” Gently, he pulls away his hand and I whimper quietly.

He leaves the room and I feel this sadness well in my chest that I’ve never experienced when Shougo left me.

What is wrong with me, today?

It’s just the fever that’s making my heart pound and my head foggy. It’s just the fever making my chest so tight.

It’s just the fever telling me that I love him.

It has to be the fever!

I’ve been sleeping with this dumbass for ten years. Loveless sex. One-sided love.

So why?

Why am I feeling like this?

“Rei,” His voice startles me so hard that I jump, sitting upright and becoming violently dizzy with how fast I shot up. The wet cloth was now in my lap.

I place my hands over my face to stop the spinning, “Fuck,” I murmur. My goddamn heart is pounding.

Shougo’s hand rubs circles on my back and it only makes my heart race even harder.

I don’t love him. I don’t love him…

“You okay?” He whispers.

“Yeah, just really dizzy,” I answer, “You scared me half to death.”

“I can tell, your heart is beating so hard,” I can hear the smile in his voice and my pulse quickens, “Sorry, I really didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry,” I lean back against him, “I'll take that medicine now, please.”

Shougo hands me the pills willingly and holds the water he got me while I placed them in my mouth.

He’s always been so caring. He’s always loved me.

I want to kiss him.

I’ve been with so many people that I’ve lost count, but I’ve never had someone like him in my life, I’ve never had anybody that has made me feel this way.

Yet, I’ve used him.

My chest hurts at the thought.

How long have I had these feelings towards him? How long have they gone unnoticed?

I think I’ve loved him for a while now.

“Shougo,” I say to him as he’s getting up from where he was sat on the edge of the bed.

“Yeah? What do you need?” He touches my forehead and pushed my hair behind my ear.

“Kiss me.”

At that, he looks dumbfounded for a second before the glass slips from his hand and shatters on the floor.

“Ah! Shit! I’m sorry, l-let me clean that!” He hops over the mess and dashes from the room.

What the hell was that!?

I want to get up and follow him, but I don’t trust myself to be able to walk.

He’s back before I get to decide whether I’ll follow or not. Silently, he cleans the spill and promptly sweeps up the glass. He leaves and disposed of it and brings me a new glass of water.

“Here, just in case you need it. I’ll put it here, okay?” He keeps his eyes anywhere but on me and promptly turns to leave.

“Where are you going?” I frown and reach out to grab his shirt.

“I’m gonna draw you a bath,” He answers stiffly, standing just out of my reach.

“Shougo,” I whimper. His shoulders slump and he turns to look at me.

“Yeah?” He asks. There’s a hurt on his face that makes my chest tighten.

“Shougo, please come here,” I plead.

He sighs and steps up to the bed, “What’d you need?” His voice is still so soft and kind.

I sit up and tentatively grasp his shirt, pulling myself up onto my knees, I kiss him very softly.

“I’m really sorry for being so shitty. You’ve loved me for so long and I just used that. I’m so sorry, Shougo,” I drop to sit on my heels.

“If you feel so bad about it then why the fuck would you meaninglessly kiss me? That sure as hell doesn’t make up for it. It just makes it hurt worse, you know?” He slaps my hands off of his shirt and turns away.

Quickly I grab the hem of his t-shirt, “I love you, Shougo,” My voice sounds pathetic.

He doesn’t turn around, “I don’t want pity. If you don’t love me, fine. I’m fine with things being this way. It may hurt, but I’d rather that than be in some kind of loveless relationship,” Shougo is so pained. I want to hold him.

“I-... I’m serious. I…. Love you. It’s taken a while and I have no right to be yours after all of this, but, I love you. I’ve only felt right sleeping with you for the past ten years. I tried to be with other people, but… Meaningless sex with you wasn’t as meaningless as I wanted it to be,” I give him a hardy pull towards me as best I can with my body as weak as it was. My arms go around his waist and I kiss his back.

“Rei, please…”

I tighten my grip, “I’m serious, I want to be with you and only you. I want to be in a serious romantic relationship with you,” I press my face against his spine lovingly.

“Your fever has gone up again,” He speaks, “You’re speaking with a sick brain and don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Then I’ll tell you again when my fever goes down, and again when I’m all better, and again when we’re sleeping together, again when you leave for your and I’ll tell you everyday until you know I’m serious,” I mumble against him, “I’ll drop it for now, but please just lay with me for a little while, you make me feel better.”

His shoulders slump and he sighs, “If you let go of my waist I’ll change and lay with you, deal?”

“Mm-hmm…” I nod and let go of him.

I watch him cross the room and strip down to his bare body. It’s something I’ve seen hundreds of thousands of times in the past ten years, but for some reason, butterflies fill my stomach and my heart flutters.

He’s always had such a nice body. He was a bit more of a twink when we first met, but he’s always been way more built than I am. His skin is smooth and he has little freckles and moles all along his beautiful pale, golden skin.

“Rei, you’re drooling,” I can see half of his face as he peeks over his shoulder at me, he’s smirking slightly.

“Shut up, I just haven’t seen this in a while since you’ve been gone.”

He slides on a pair of sweats and strides back over to me. He hops over me and ends up against the wall. His arms wrap around me and he starts unbuttoning my shirt.

“You must be warm,” He kisses the back of my neck and I grin.

My shirt is tossed aside and I curl up against him with my warm face pressed flush against his bare chest. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed this feeling until just this second.

“I'm glad you’re home.”

“I’m glad I’m home, too.”